Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Liberation of slave camps

Liberation of slave camps

 * Nominated by: Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 18:55, July 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I hated playing this mission

Support

 * 1)  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:50, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Moffship

 * Needs to follow the Layout Guide. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:54, July 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Did that do it? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 14:03, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

First glance

 * You give a time of 32 BBY in the intro but no in the body. Can you find a place to work it in?
 * Likewise mention the Invasion of Naboo in the Prelude section, as it is currently only mentioned in the intro.
 * I'll try to read it fully soon. Grunny  ( talk ) 02:51, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Added. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:02, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

QGJ

 * "He had to report into his captain, who told him to continue." Feels kinda redundant and play-by-play.
 * The link to the minelayer leads to an Imperial transport. Please find an appropriate article to link to, or create one.
 * Please make a mention of the Trade Federation forces destroying a bridge in Ferentina, as this I believe was the reason why the prisoners had to switch to the speeders.
 * "One of the speeders collapsed the rock bed behind them" Please check this. In my version, the rock is collapsed by an N-1 starfighter, i.e. either Sykes or Deviss.
 * "This event is comprised of two concurrent missions" Concurrent means that the two missions took place at the same time, while they clearly did not as one followed the other. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 11:46, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Re-worded. We have the same version, but evidently not the same memory. And "succeeding" was the word I was looking for. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 12:24, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * All of the above have been addressed. Sorry if there was confusion.

Xd1358

 * There are a few links to redirects in the infobox.
 * Infobox: "RNSF liberated captured civilians.[1]" The outcome in the infobox should not be in imperfect, but in present tense.
 * Infobox: There is no need for a bullet if there's only one item in the box (combatants).
 * "A number of slave camps were liberated during the Trade Federation Droid Army Invasion of Naboo in 32 BBY." That sounds strange. Perhaps "A number of slave camps were liberated during the Invasion of Naboo in 32 BBY. The Trade Federation Droid Army had..."
 * "The droid forces had quickly established a number of to hold captured prisoners." Number of what?
 * More to come. -- 1358  (Talk) 07:48, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * All of the above addressed.
 * I don't think you can source the "conflict" item in the infobox to the NEC. I doubt it says that this event took place during the invasion of Naboo. The Battle for Naboo as reference should be fine.
 * To be accurate, I feel it should be left as-is. The NEC establishes that the Invasion of Naboo takes place in 32 BBY, and this article takes place during that event. BFN does not specify the conflict as "the Invasion of Naboo." And if we make the change here, we'd have to make it on all the articles. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 15:32, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * However, the NEC doesn't say that the liberation took place during the invasion. I am quite sure that the game in somehow reveals that the events take place during the invasion. -- 1358  (Talk) 19:40, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * I made a change to the reference for Mission to the Naboo mountains. Would that work? If so I will change the ref here. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 10:14, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * My point still stands. If the NEC doesn't say that the liberation of slave camps took place during the invasion of Naboo, you can't source the fact with the NEC. -- 1358  (Talk) 17:13, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, fine. I changed it. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 18:37, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * That is to say, I moved the NEC to properly reflect the source of the date and placed the game as the source of the Invasion.
 * Infobox, "strength" item: How can a Neimoidian slave camp be a combatant? -- 1358  (Talk) 15:18, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Links moved to losses.
 * I feel that the fact doesn't belong there either. It wasn't really a combatant, and therefore it can not be a loss, IMO. I suggest you remove it. -- 1358  (Talk) 19:40, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Would the same apply for Ferentina, then?
 * Ferentina is fine. However, I have an idea for that slave camp thing. My suggestion is that you change the outcome to...

How is this "neimoidian" thing relevant anyway? It sounds like there were neimoidians in the slave camps. TF slave camps would be better. -- 1358  (Talk) 16:35, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * While I am sure there were Neimoidians in the camp, I can't prove it. So I changed it to TF. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 10:14, August 23, 2010 (UTC)

New subsection to make things easier :P

 * I think there is a civilian casualties parameter available in the infobox. I think you could add Ferentina there instead.
 * "After raiding a Trade Federation Disabled Trade Federation base.." Eh, that doesn't sound good.
 * "Lieutenant Gavyn Sykes used a captured gunboat to infiltrate the camps and knock out the power generators, disabling the camps and freeing the prisoners." In an earlier sentence you say that they liberated one camp, while here they are many. Please be consistent.
 * That's it from the intro, I guess. -- 1358  (Talk) 16:40, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * All of the above addressed. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 10:14, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Pipelink prisoner
 * Prelude
 * Could you start the prelude a bit different, like "in 32 BBY, the TF invaded then Naboo", y'know?
 * Context on the slave camps. Something like "slave camps established by the TF" would be good.
 * Context on the prisoners as well. Again, something small like "release imprisoned Naboo inhabitants" would suffice.
 * -- 1358  (Talk) 17:18, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Addressed up to and including "Pipelink." Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 18:37, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Could you merge the second prelude sentence with the first one?
 * Link to the Trade Federation upon first mention.
 * -- 1358  (Talk) 12:24, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * The merging of the two sentences necessitated the removal of the first mention of TF. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 12:39, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * That's fine, as long as everything is linked upon first mention. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:30, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * "He reported to his flight lead.." Who was his flight lead?
 * "Kael contacted Sykes and said that Borvo the Hutt was.." Context on Borvo.
 * I think that three subsections is too many. Could you cut it down to two?
 * "The base was alerted to his presence when he opened fire.." Opened fire on whom?
 * "..the camp launched more gunboats at him." The camp can't launch gunboats. "and more gunboats was launched from the camp.." would be better.
 * Context on Vedd Deviss.
 * "The civilians were free, but the resistance did not have enough transports." Enough transports to do what?
 * "..trapping the convoy behind it." Behind the destroyed bridge or the river?
 * Context on Lutin Hollis.
 * Release date for BfN?
 * I'll read through the article one more time after you have fixed these. -- 1358  (Talk) 06:02, August 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * All of your latest objections have been addressed. Thanks for taking out all this time on the article. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:30, August 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * The infiltration paragraph is too long, please split. -- 1358  (Talk) 12:13, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * Indeed. New paragraph formed.

Attack of the Clone

 * I really would recommend that you find and implement images that aren't riddled with the nasty gameplay artifacts. On that note, any image that is not from an in-game cutscene may not even be canon, as what the player does in the game isn't exactly the same as what actually happened in canon. Please find a way to work around this&mdash;otherwise, both current images may have to be removed.
 * I'll see what I can do.
 * Those images really are the best I can get without nasty gameplay artifacts. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:12, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't know where all that excessive whitespace in the images came from, but please do what you can to crop it out.  CC7567  (talk) 06:52, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * How, in Microsoft Paint and then re-upload them. Honestly, I know nothing about cropping and related skills. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 18:45, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Why are the power generators listed in the forces? When it comes down to it, all mechanical technology is powered by some sort of generator or fuel, so I don't see why these deserve special mentions when they don't actually do anything except maintain the slave camps and don't directly affect the battle.
 * Removed per your objection, but the power generators are specific mission objectives.
 * Please establish from the very beginning of the intro (as in the first sentence) what the slave camps were affiliated with.
 * Done.
 * The last three sentences of the intro are rather choppy, and I would recommend merging them somehow to improve the sentence flow. In addition, you might consider moving this article to something like "Liberation of the Trade Federation slave camps"&mdash;although yes, it's longer, it's also much clearer.
 * Sentences smidged. Is the second part of this objection a formal request?
 * Yes, it is; apologies for not clarifying that. While it's not necessary, I think it would make the article much more specific.  CC7567  (talk) 06:52, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Please note that this objection still remains; it's the last one from me.  CC7567  (talk) 06:55, October 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Lieutenant Gavyn Sykes and his flight leader": is the latter Captain Kael or not? If it is, please mention him as such instead of as the flight leader.
 * Done.
 * There are several places in which an apparent misuse of unestablished English idioms makes it unclear what you're trying to say. These places include uses of "clear passage," "block the water off," "keeping his identity secure," etc.
 * Nixed.
 * Throughout the entire article, there are numerous short and choppy sentences that make the wording overall very play-by-play. Please see what you can do to improve this and create longer sentences for better flow.
 * Addressed.
 * I'll double check this in my second review when the rest of the objections are fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 06:52, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Although it's conjecturally titled, it seems to me like "Devils Tower" is missing some vital punctuation. Please adjust accordingly.
 * It doesn't necessarily need an apostrophe; it could just be a name like "Jones Tower."
 * Well, the issue is that "Devils" is clearly a plural noun, while "Jones" isn't. Using "Devils" in that way therefore requires an apostrophe. Please verify with the source and clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 16:18, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * [] Forum request pending.
 * Since I'm honestly not sure how much response that forum is going to get, I'd advise you to make a decision on what to do&mdash;the name still lacks an apostrophe from a professional standpoint, and it should conform to regular grammatical rules if it's only a conjectural name.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, September 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * I asked Jaymach, and it is written as Devils tower in the guide. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 02:03, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * What exactly is the "bonus objective"? Please clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 23:25, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sentence reworded. The objective is to find the upgrade. Thank you for taking the time for this review. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 22:08, September 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Please provide context for Devils tower throughout the article. It isn't immediately clear what it is.  CC7567  (talk) 06:57, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Added. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:10, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll do my final review once Xd is finished with his to make it easier for you.  CC7567  (talk) 02:55, October 2, 2010 (UTC)

wut where

 * Please do something to the images. As CC said, crop them. And to be honest, they are bad quality. You can't have images like that. Please do something to them. 1358  (Talk) 19:53, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * How, in Microsoft Paint? I have no imaging skills whatsoever. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:32, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * With all due respect, CP, it's your responsibility as the nominator to ensure that all the images within the article are up to snuff. This is per nomination Rule 16, which states that a GAN must "include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available." You're welcome to ask the community for help with obtaining images, but don't rely on the AgriCorps to take care of this for you. The images currently gracing this article are horrible at best and really don't belong on any article, much less a GA. That being said, please understand that this nomination isn't going to receive any special treatment while you take the time to track down quality images. This is something that should be taken care of before nomination, so we're not just going to leave this thing to idle in the meantime. If this objection isn't satisfied within the requisite two weeks' time, a removal vote for the nomination will be started. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:56, September 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Noted. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:04, September 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * That the "Nal Raka criminal empire" participated is infobox-only.
 * Not anymore. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 00:07, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * It isn't in the body. 1358  (Talk) 17:50, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Added. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:10, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * "&hellip;to hold captured prisoners&hellip;" Captured prisoners? o_O You mean they became prisoners after they were captured?
 * I always mean what I say. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 00:07, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * I suggest you change it to captured inhabitants or something like that. It currently sounds like the camps were created to hold already-imprisoned people. 1358  (Talk) 17:50, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, changed. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:10, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * "&hellip;after securing the capital city of Theed.&hellip;" Whose capital city? Perhaps "&hellip;after securing the capital city of Naboo, Theed.&hellip;"
 * Okay. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 00:07, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * "After raiding a disabled Trade Federation base&hellip;" I thought it was disabled in the raid.
 * There were two raids. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 00:07, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Borvo the Hutt, an ally of the Security Forces&hellip;" I'm not familiar with the source material, but is he an ally of the Security Forces as a whole?
 * No, just a contingent. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 00:07, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * "When Syke's&hellip;" Something wrong there?
 * Something wrong? Never! Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 00:07, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1358 (Talk) 17:00, September 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * For the record, I suggest that you use less ambiguos answers. When you replied "I always mean what I say", I thought that "captured prisoners" was correct, and that you didn't change it. Thanks. 1358  (Talk) 17:50, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

 * I removed the Aftermath section because it was a repetition of the final sentence. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 14:13, August 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've been thinking about moving half of the first paragraph and putting it in the second. Would that flow better? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 12:24, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is there any reason why the article name contains (Battle of Naboo)? There's no article called Liberation of slave camps. -- 1358  (Talk) 07:53, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, when I originally wrote the article two years ago, I wanted to differentiate it and let everyone know it took place during the "Battle of Naboo." Shall I move it now? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 09:32, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * I think so. -- 1358  (Talk) 15:12, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Taken care of.
 * Re: Sourcing: Is there another opininion about the sourcing issue brought up by Xd? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:59, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Many thanks to Octurion for uploading new images from the PC version. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:45, September 23, 2010 (UTC)