Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/CT-26-1409


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

CT-26-1409

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 22:40, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part three of my Rookies project. Goes along with my and Jug's Rishi moon battle FAN. :P

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Read it, and it's good.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Xd1358  Talk 05:29, November 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks great. Keep up the good work!--Jawaman Want to buy a used droid? 15:34, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) IRCified. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:18, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 00:00, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Objections addressed on IRC.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:18, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:58, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8)  CC7567  (talk) 04:08, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Quick question before I get into it... why is that picture of Echo receiving his medal in that section? It's out of place both chronologically and aesthetically.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:18, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes, I know. Currently, I am asking JMAS if he could upload extra images for the article.
 * 3) **Done. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 21:09, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Please find a better infobox image that does not make him look like he's come straight out of a poorly-colored painting.  CC7567  (talk) 02:53, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Done at Jang's request. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 21:09, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Xd
 * 7) * "Soon after Echo entered the control room of the listening post, where he joined the other stationed rookie troopers." Did he enter the room. I thought he was there, reading the manuals or whatsoever.
 * 8) **No, Echo walked inside the command center in the beginning of the episode.
 * 9) * You should mention that CT-327 was the deck officer; otherwise it will sound like the droids killed him when 327 was in the station.
 * 10) **Keep in mind that too much detail will make it sound too pbp. However, I added "deck officer" before his name. :)
 * 11) * You should mention why Rex ordered the destruction of the station (cutting off the signal).
 * 12) **-- Xd1358  Talk 15:46, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***That's all ready mentioned. See the second paragraph within the "Retaking the base" section. Thanks for the review.
 * 14) ****Gah. I really should rewatch Rookies. Good work, Jang.
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) * It's a little unclear in the bio why Grievous would attack the moon in order to attack Kamino
 * 17) **Addressed; hope that helps.
 * 18) ***"any attack on Kamino would alarm a nearby Republic fleet." How so? This still doesn't really make sense.
 * 19) ****Oops, I fixed that mistake. Sorry for the confusion.
 * 20) *****A little better, but I don't think you needed to remove the "all-clear" info. It's just not very clear right now why he would have to attack the listening post.
 * 21) ******Re-added information, hope that helps. :)  JangFett  <span style="color: #787878;"(Talk) 19:17, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) *******Ok, but it still isn't doesn't really make sense: why does Grievous need to attack the base in order to attack Kamino? You mention all of the main points (i.e. Grievous' planned attack on Kamino, the "all-clear" signal, the fact that Rishi is near Kamino) but you never tie them together. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:22, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ********The problem with this one right now is that you say that the moon base would have been alerted by thge all-clear signal itself, which is incorrect. If Grievous attacked Kamino, he would have to pass by Rishi and the base would be alerted to his presence. They would then cut off the all-clear signal, thereby alerting Kamino to the threat. I don't want to do this for you; this is simple writing skills that are expected of the nominator. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:21, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Outside the listening post, the meteor shower—which concealed the Droch-class boarding ships used by the commando droids—crashed everywhere around the listening post" I thought the meteor shower was just the boarding ships (although I could be wrong, I don't remember for sure)
 * 25) **Yes; the meteors were actually the boarding shops. Fixed.
 * 26) ***Ok, but please check your grammar here :P.
 * 27) ****Addressed. :P
 * 28) * The third paragraph should be condensed a little; right now it has too much info that isn't directly related to Echo
 * 29) **Mind pointing out the paragraph? If the paragraph begins with "Meanwhile, a clone trooper alerted O'Niner that a meteor shower was approaching." I believe that it's fine as it stands. Echo was present during the events.
 * 30) ***Okay, well then try making it seem a little more from Echo's point of view. RIght now it sounds like the article is suddenly about O'Niner.
 * 31) ****Addressed.
 * 32) * Does any source say that they really felt "helpless?"
 * 33) **Their attitude, and dialogue suggests that. However, it could be rephrased. :)
 * 34) ***It needs to be; if it's not stated, then it's OR.
 * 35) ****Done.
 * 36) * Right now, it sounds like the clone officers arrive and just walk right up to the rookies; you should say that they are attacked by droids, and from this, please explain why Rex asks them to remove their helmets (However, do keep this short, we don't want too much info here)
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) ***Better, but the second sentence here now reads awkwardly.
 * 39) ****Eh, addressed.
 * 40) * Does the show really name the droid unit numbers? (I know it named Unit 26, but I don't recall it naming 07, 08, and 09, although I could be wrong)
 * 41) **No, but naming the droid commandos would lessen confusion when reading.
 * 42) ***That's not the problem; if the show doesn't name them, then you can't source it to the show, and right now the full paragraph is sourced to the show.
 * 43) ****That's why the episode guide comes in handy. :)
 * 44) * Weren't they all escaping by the time they discovered the remote didn't work? The bio currently implies that they found the remote didn’t work, and then Hevy stayed behind so the rest could leave the station.
 * 45) **Hevy offered to stay behind and fix the remote detonator.
 * 46) ***Yes, but weren't they already trying to flee? Right now it sounds like they were trying to detonate the base while they were still inside.
 * 47) ****Okay, but if Hevy offered to stay behind, why is it that they don't know he stayed behind? I would think that if he told them he was staying behind, they would know he'd stayed behind. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *****Hopefully this is taken care of.
 * 49) ******You still haven't addressed the main issue. If he offered to stay behind, then why would they not expect him to stay behind? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:55, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) *******Okay, addressed. I rewatched this part of the episode, and the clones knew that Hevy was going to stay behind and fix the problem, but leave soon after.
 * 51) ********Much better; just awkward phrasing now. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:39, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) *********Addressed.
 * 53) **********This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:59, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***********Any better?
 * 55) ************Actually, the first one is even more awkward now, and the second sentence is even worse grammatically. Please go over your grammar and make certain it is correct. This is a very common problem with your noms, and quite frankly these are rather basic English skills which are expected of the nominator per Rule 1 of the FAN page. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 04:10, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) *************I saw what the problem was. I went back and corrected those awkwardly reading sentences. Hope this helps, Jonny.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:56, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) **************This reads much better, although there is still a grammar problem (third sentence of the paragraph). And the problem now is that it's not very clear that the clones expect Hevy to evacuate. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:02, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) ***************Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 22:22, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) ****************Grammar is good now. But again: WHY would the clones expect him to evacuate? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:23, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * "Rex tried to contact Hevy via comlink, although the trooper denied to comply." Denied to comply to what?
 * 61) **Addressed
 * 62) ***What demands?
 * 63) ****Both objections addressed.
 * 64) *****Better, but now it reads very awkwardly.
 * 65) ******Eh, addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:13, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *******Please check your grammar. "Denied" doesn't really work here. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:22, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ********Should be good now.
 * 68) * How was the listening post destroyed if the remote wasn't working?
 * 69) **Addressed
 * 70) * "While they were unsuccessful in rescuing Hevy, the clones soon departed the moon of Rishi, after being picked by a LAAT/i gunship that just arrived." This is rather disjointed, and reads awkwardly.
 * 71) **Addressed.
 * 72) * "After Rex issued the destruction of the listening post, Echo gave the Clone Captain information about the stored liquid tibanna in the base." How is this related to Echo’s personality?
 * 73) * Does "Rookies" state that the 501st Legion is "famed?" If not, then you need to remove this as POV. (You could possibly replace it with something like "elite," as long as a source states that it is so&mdash;and make sure you source it to the right source, too, if you do this.)
 * 74) * The chronology of the events mentioned in the P&T is difficult to follow, it jumps around with no apparent order.
 * 75) **All fixed.
 * 76) * Why was Echo saying "hell" a big deal? Why was it later removed?
 * 77) **Many say that it was because of parent complaints, but nothing official about the removal of the dialogue can be found. Thanks for the review, Jonny. :)
 * 78) ***No problem. Sorry I gouldn't hang around longer in IRC.
 * 79) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:02, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * Seeing a lot of rather awkward phrasing.
 * 81) **I took care of that one problem with "Rex", and went through the article once more.
 * 82) * Except for the first couple of paragraphs, the rest of the "Rishi moon battle" section doesn't seem to be from Echo's point of view at all. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) **Basically in the episode, Echo and the other clones were together most of the time. It's quite difficult to see what Echo was doing. He had very limited lines, too.
 * 84) ***I understand that, but this is an article about Echo, and so you should make an effort to tell the story from his POV (even if that means some simple rephrasing from "the clones" to "Echo and the other clones" or something like that). And the parts where he isn't present much at all don't need to be elaborated upon too much (for example in the third paragraph, where he isn't mentioned until the final sentence). Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:55, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) ****Any better, Jonny?  JangFett  (Talk) 23:24, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) * Last one: right now (in the 3rd sentenced of the bio) it sounds like O'Niner and the four rookies were the only clones in the base; I know there were at least two others, but were there any more? (If there were more than just those two, this also applies to the 3rd sentence of the 3rd paragraph of the bio) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:40, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) **Look at it now, Jonny. I added "Droidbait" and "Nub" as the other two clones for the 3rd sentence of the bio. Those are the only minor clones that were mentioned in the episode guide. With that added, the 3rd sentence of the third paragraph of the bio should read smoothly.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:48, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) ***Okay, but are you certain that these seven troopers (Droidbat, Nub, Echo, Fives, Cutup, Hevy, O'Niner) were the only ones stationed at the base? Because right now, that's what you imply. (If the source isn't specific whether or not they were the only ones, let me know, and I'll tweak it and strike and support) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:53, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) ****CT-327 was another clone but he was stationed outside the base. I was only talking about the clones that were inside the base. But, yes, I have mentioned all the clones that were inside.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:57, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 90) CC
 * 91) * Is it "Rishi station" or "Rishi Station"? Consistency is an important part of writing.
 * 92) **Addressed.
 * 93) * "Echo and the other clones witnessed two clone officers": "witness" does not clarify that they actually met them.
 * 94) **It's explained in the sentence. If you recall the episode, they did witness the officers arrival and met up with them. I'm exactly sure what you want.
 * 95) * "Upon regaining control of the base, Rex ordered its destruction, and, along with Echo, began searching for explosives to destroy the base." Why?
 * 96) **Addressed
 * 97) * "The troops were present during a surprise Confederate attack on the station, when BX-series droid commandos took over the base and fortified themselves inside." The jump from here to Echo and the others meeting Rex and Cody is unexplained and very rough.
 * 98) **Addressed
 * 99) * I can't see why mentioning every single trooper at Rishi Station is relevant. Also, check your punctuation.
 * 100) **I previously mentioned the ones that were with Echo, though per Jon's objection, it was him who wanted me to mention the other clones. I see that it's also correct, too. The problem was that I had previously mentioned only four rookie clones (Echo, Fives, Hevy, and Cutup) in a sentence, but it wasn't consistent with another sentence I had when I mentioned that more troops were involved. I corrected the punctuation.
 * 101) * "After the two clone officers were attacked by the invading droids, they met with Echo and the other rookie troops." So what happened to the droids?
 * 102) **Addressed.
 * 103) * "Rex dismissed his concerns and told them to find anything explosive": first off, why? Second, please reword the "anything explosive," as you should be using the equivalent of "anything able to explode," which is not what explosive means.
 * 104) **Addressed
 * 105) * Can more context be given on the tibanna? Why was it there?
 * 106) **Addressed.
 * 107) * Why did Rex choose to induct them into the 501st?
 * 108) **Addressed.
 * 109) * "His armor, like all rookie clone troopers, was sleek white and had no dust or damage from fighting." When?
 * 110) **Addressed
 * 111) * You'd do well to check The Art of Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Official Episode Guide: Season 1 for information.
 * 112) **Unless I'm mistaken, I see nothing in the season one guide other than Rishi moon information. Same goes with Art of TCW.
 * 113) *Please continue to watch your capitalization, linking, and overall coherency in writing.  CC7567  (talk) 22:29, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) **Thanks for the review, CC.

Comments


 * Added external link section and CUSWE link, Jang Hope you don't mind.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * No, that's fine. Thanks. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 22:50, November 17, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

 * 1)  Unaddressed objections for three weeks.  CC7567  (talk) 18:47, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * CC, I will address the remaining objections. I would like to speak to Jonny on IRC, although he is unable to connect to freenode. I'll take care of these remaining objections as of today.  JangFett  (Talk) 08:32, February 4, 2010 (UTC)