Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Ashaar Khorda


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ashaar Khorda

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:46, February 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 998 words. So, I figure I might as well nom it for GA and see if it gets expanded at all during the reviewing process. If not, oh well.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) The stakes were higher than they' ever been with Montross. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:31, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 21:57, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) I'm all for destroying the Republic's infected brain. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:47, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 22:48, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:56, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro strikes a blow against this article; to save its body we must destroy the objections!
 * 2) * Underlinking: "Coruscant" is not linked in the intro.
 * 3) **This falls under the clause.  Xd  14:38, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Ashaar Khorda was a male Annoo-dat Prime from the planet Annoo. At some point, General Khorda attempted… Ambiguous. Could you reword it to clarify that Ashaar Khorda is the General Khorda of the 2nd sentence?
 * 5) **Changed.
 * 6) * with the help of military forces he had taken from the government. The government of where? Of Annoo or of the Republic?
 * 7) **Doesn't say. I assume Annoo, but we can't be sure.
 * 8) * tried for war crimes. Did he commit war crimes, or was only blamed for that?
 * 9) **Doesn't say.
 * 10) * he assembled a band of followers who bore a hatred for the Republic while searching for the Infant of Shaa. Who was searching for the Infant? (He assembled a band and at the same time he searched for the Infant) or (He assembled a band who [{hated the Republic} and at the same time the band {searched for the Infant}})? Please reword.
 * 11) **Changed.
 * 12) * The Infant was a Force-imbued object, containing a massive amount of Force energy. Maybe you could include this information at an earlier point, when describing the Infant?
 * 13) **I feel that it fits best where it is, because that is where Khorda is revealing specifically how he intends to destroy the Republic. Also, that's the point in the story where this information is revealed.
 * 14) * With the head destroyed, the body would be free, and the Republic would be pure once more. Is this propaganda sentence really neccessary? It doesn't sound NPOV, unless you add "He thought", "he felt" or anything.
 * 15) **Moved to P&T and reworded.
 * 16) * Suggestion: P&T might include Khorda's skills: Was he a good fighter, sniper, pilot, leader, military officer...?
 * 17) **Unfortunately, not much info on that stuff is given, and while Khorda appears to be a good leader (his followers seemed loyal to him), that is not fact, just an assumption.
 * 18) *Good job! Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:26, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **Thanks.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:03, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * One more: In the infobox, you say "Eye color: 2 purple, 2 gray". Can you specify which ones were purple and which ones were gray? ("Upper pair", "lower pair") Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:30, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:22, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) Soresu
 * 23) * was able to stab him with a vibroblade Does him refer to Poof or Fett?
 * 24) **Clarified.
 * 25) * Maybe merge the last 2 sentences of the P&T? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:54, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) **I'd rather not, because the separate paragraphs indicate a transition. One talks about how he killed without mercy, the other is a bit unrelated talking about what others thought of him. I think it flows better as is. Does that make sense?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:57, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) ***I suppose you're right. It's not a big deal anyway. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 21:57, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) Attack of the Clone
 * 29) * Can a time frame be established in both the intro and body?
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * Can anything more notable be said of him in the opening sentence of the intro?
 * 32) **Added.
 * 33) * "however, it was not in his possession long before it was stolen by a native of Seylott": can this individual perchance get a link?
 * 34) **I created one.
 * 35) * Please clarify better in the bio that Fett and Wesell were actually hired to reclaim the Infant. It isn't very clear.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * Please standardize your paragraph length. They currently range from short to long, and it's overall rather sporadic.
 * 38) **Better, I believe.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:40, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) ***I meant the P&T too, but I've taken care of it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:48, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) ****Yeah, I meant to mention that to you in IRC yesterday. I think the last sentence should be kept separate because I feel it'd flow better that way. If I see you there soon, I'll mention it to you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:21, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) *That's it from me.  CC7567  (talk) 04:40, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) Toprawa:
 * 43) * I'm not sure what is being said here exactly. For one, it seems like there are too many "that's," and I also am not clear on the meaning. He stole military fighters from the government? Please clarify: "and tried to gain control of the planet with the help of that military forces that he had taken from the government."
 * 44) **I don't know how the first that got there. It just mucks up the sentence, and is now removed.
 * 45) ***I still don't really understand the meaning of the sentence. How does one "take" military forces from a government? Did he convince them to "defect" to his revolutionary cause, for example? Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:45, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) * Using the "no qualms" phrase once is enough for any article. Please reword to mix it up a little: "Khorda had no qualms about killing innocents" Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:26, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) **Done.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:21, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ***This new version doesn't really read any better. Bad repetition: "Khorda was willing to kill innocents, as he killed the driver" Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:45, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Comments


 * Thanks for the reads, everybody.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:40, March 6, 2010 (UTC)