Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Barukka


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Barukka

 * Nominated by: Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Take this, Jon!

(6 Inqs/3 User/9 Total)
Support
 * 1) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Honed, Refined, Approved.  Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:32, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 23:59, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:47, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:40, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Lord Hydronium 09:00, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Still over 1200 words without significant fluff. Queueable as soon as Green's objections are fixed. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 17:19, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] ( Talking is Fun! ) 23:57, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:20, 17 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Otherwise, not bad. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 18:10, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) She's actually mentioned briefly -- albeit with her named misspelled "Baruka" -- in Cracken's Threat Dossier, on page 26. I don't think there's any new info, but you'll have to reference the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:31, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The article is now referenced and the BtS amended.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Thanks muchos, Goodwood --Darthchristian 20:09, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * -) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:15, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Holocron of Darth Xadún...
 * 2) * Starting the 'Redemption' section with 'However...' doesn't flow very well. Either remove it or reword the opening sentence for this section.
 * 3) **Fixed. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *** You don't need 'though' on the end of this sentence either.
 * 5) ****Done. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * I've noticed you use the word 'However' quite a lot. It gets very repetitive. Try replacing a few of the instances with other words or try removing it altogether and re-wording your sentences.
 * 7) **I fixed most of them, but I left two 'However's in there. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***That's fine, it's just when you use the same word a lot in a short space it gets mundane. Much better now. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to bring her back into the clan by driving her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." should read "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to either bring her back into the clan, drive her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." Please adapt this.
 * 10) **Done. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "She had a dark aura flowing about her, and wielded great powers that even Luke had not known of. " Is better off in the P&a rather than P&t section.
 * 12) **I kept the dark aura in there, becuase it signified how far she had fallen, but the second part of that sentence is now in the P&A section. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *** The first sentence in the P&A section is now too long and rather fragmented. Break it up into 2 seperate sentences; one for the using of the 'spells' and another about her skill at the 'spell of illusion'.
 * 14) ****Done. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Millenium Falcon should be in italics as it is the name of a ship.
 * 16) **Done.--Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * "She wanted her various physical and mental damages to be healed by Luke, and her willfulness and eagerness to be redeemed led to her redemption by Luke." Alter this sentence so you don't use 'by Luke' twice and 'redeemed/redemption'. Try '...and her willfulness and eagerness to return to the Clan (or her family, whichever you prefer) led to her redemption.'
 * 18) **Used your suggestion there. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * The Powers section is rather brief. Mention about the Witches of Dathomir thinking the Force was magic spells and which 'spells' Barukka was proficient at. Also, because she could hear Gethzerion in her mind is more of an indicator that Gethzerion could use tlepathy rather than Barukka, so change this two.
 * 20) **I did my best on that one. I mentioned the spells and took Barukka's telepathic abilities out. I couldn't make it that much longer, because when I did, it sounded really POVish. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *** "Barukka was not known for being able to block telpathic connections to her, and was tortured by Gethzerion, who exploited this." The sentence could do with re-arranging to sound less fragmented, and spellings, too. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ****Fixed it up. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Stone Table of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "...committing atrocities that her mother, Augwynne Djo, would not speak of..." This is uneeded.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * "She had petitioned to rejoin the Singing Mountain Clan, which she would be allowed to do once she has completed her purification. However, she was tormented mentally by Gethzerion and was slowly being driven insane." These two sentences read awkwardly.
 * 5) **Fixed it up, should read well now.
 * 6) * Dark Side isn't capitalized.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) ***No it's not.
 * 9) ****It wasn't capitilized in other paragraphs as well. I must of missed it before, but its done now. Sorry about that.
 * 10) *****Quite alright.
 * 11) * Give a few words about how Augwynne was the leader when she's first mentioned in the Bio.
 * 12) **Done.
 * 13) * "...who would impose terror on the other clans and the people that were imprisoned on Dathomir as well." Again, this doesn't flow.
 * 14) **Fixed it up.
 * 15) * Is there an article for the Imperial Prison?
 * 16) **Yeah, there is, I added it to the article now.
 * 17) * "...and wasn't trustworthy due to actions." This part seems incomplete, and needs better phrasing.
 * 18) **It was a fragment I hadn't noticed while writing this article, I fixed it now.
 * 19) * The prose in the first paragraph in Redemption could be better.
 * 20) **Redid the first few sentences.
 * 21) * Give a little context on who Isolder, Leia, and Luke (well, at least Isolder) were and why they wanted information about the Prison.
 * 22) **Explained who each character was, and why they needed information about the prison was already stated later int he paragraph.
 * 23) *"...impressing and terrifying Leia." It seems like the people in the prison were doing these things to her. Please correct this.
 * 24) **Fixed it up.
 * 25) ***Actually, this part might fit better in P&A or should be removed entirely. You decide.
 * 26) ****I decided to take it out.
 * 27) * You use collapse in consecutive sentences in this paragraph too.
 * 28) **Fixed.
 * 29) *Give some context on her Gethzerion and how her clan was destroyed.
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * You stress that she wanted to be redeemed about four times in the P&T alone. Please try to cut down on this and condense it as much as possible. I understand why you do this, but it makes for an awkward read.
 * 32) **I cut down on the redemption stuff. It's better now.
 * 33) * "Barukka, a Force-trained Dathomiri witch and Nightsister, and activated her Force powers by exclaiming a set of words that her clan had named a spell." Is the "and" simply in there by mistake?
 * 34) **Yep. Fixed.
 * 35) * "Barukka was not known for being able to block telepathic connections to her, and was endlessly tortured by Gethzerion because of this." To block connections to whom? Also, it sounds like she was tortured because she couldn't block her, not because she was cruel and her inability to block it enabled her to torture her (if you get what I mean).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:34, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **I know what you're talking about, but since Gethzerion is the only one who got through to Barukka's mind, there's no proof that she was able to block telepathic connections. That's why the "Barukka was not known for being able to block telepathic connections to her," was put there in the first place, and telepathy is an important Force power. If I use your suggestion, then the sentence is very POVish, and also sounds like conjecture. --Darthchristian 23:27, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Context on Zsinj.
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) * "....she became very fearful..." Please change to avoid using fearful in the same paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:01, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) **Changed the second one to "frightened." Darthchristian 20:25, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * It would probably do to fatten up the intro just a tad. Otherwise fine, though she's no Jon. :P Thefourdotelipsis 01:39, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. Darthchristian 20:25, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Dark side should not be capitalized. I fixed several of those, but our MOS says it should be lower-case. Same with light side.
 * 3) **I'm pretty sure I fixed all of them. Also, i don't know if darksider should be capitalized or not. Is it?
 * 4) ***Not generally. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:40, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * "Luke tried to stay by offering her shelter there, though it was her home, but Barukka simply warned them about the upcoming war the Singing Mountain Clan faced with the Nightsisters, and that she was being summoned by Gethzerion." This sentence, particularly the first part, is not very clear.
 * 6) **Fixed it up.
 * 7) * "While she was forsaken, she stayed within the rules, not allowing anyone into her shelter." More context would be wonderful.
 * 8) **There isn't much more I could add to that, but I did my best.
 * 9) * I trimmed several words from this during my copyediting. If you're borderline, it'd be a good idea to word-count it again.
 * 10) **It's over 1250 words.
 * 11) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:10, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **You too Ataru. Thanks for looking. Darthchristian 01:54, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 14) * You say she was driven mad by the dark side while a Nightsister, then that she was driven mad by Gethzerion after leaving. Maybe rephrase the first one.
 * 15) **Fixed.
 * 16) * There's a lot of "would impose" and "would hear" type sentences that could be "imposed" or "heard". It's fine once in a while, but just seemed a little overused. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:32, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Fixed. Darthchristian 17:40, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * Single source, needs no referencing, there are no images of her, and I believe this is over a thousand words. --Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)