Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Tiss'shar


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Tiss'shar

 * Nominated by: jSarek 08:41, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Operation Clever Girl concludes its initial phases of operation to bring you this article. Hydro, Fourdot, I told you I'd get around to this someday. :-p jSarek 08:41, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good lord man. Where have you been? :P Thefourdotelipsis 00:05, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Very well done.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:12, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Wow Enochf 18:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Michael Crichton would be proud.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:38, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Imperialles 19:19, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:55, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Excellent work. There's just one problem I have, and that's with the intro. I think it could stand to be beefed up just a tad. Thefourdotelipsis 00:12, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Given my dislike for long intros, I probably should have known I wasn't making it beefy enough. See if the new version is sufficiently enhanced. jSarek 13:35, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "They were strong, dexterous, and intelligent," POVishness here. If you could reword it, it'd be great.
 * 3) **Added a "comparatively."
 * 4) * "They were strong and agile," Still some POV.
 * 5) **Added a "relatively."
 * 6) * "Tiss'sharl protection" Clarify what this means if possible.
 * 7) **All Rotramel says about the matter before being cut off is "I've been authorized to make a new offer. We'll set up a base here. We can protect Tiss'sharl against the Empire—".  Having already mentioned the base, I don't think there's any further clarification to be had.
 * 8) * Can you give a specific year for Darth Vader's visits?
 * 9) **The final visit occurs approximately 8 months after the Battle of Yavin; the comic notes that "This made Vader's third visit in a year." Given the ambiguity of the statement and of Star Wars months in general, the other visits can't be more precisely dated.
 * 10) * "giving it a violent-looking aesthetic" POV.
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * "all met unfortunate ends" Flowery prose/POV.
 * 13) **Reworded.
 * 14) * See about combining some paragraphs in History please.
 * 15) **Combined the first two. I think the rest come at fairly natural breaks in the prose.
 * 16) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:12, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Thank ye. I hope the adjustments are suitable. jSarek 17:06, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) A few things:
 * 19) * Image:Tisssharl League.jpg, Image:SiDiRi.jpg and Image:UulRhaShaan.jpg could all benefit from being re-scanned.
 * 20) **SiDiRi.jpg is redone. After talking with folks in IRC, they seemed to think Tisssharl League.jpg was of generally suitable quality except for needing some cropping at the bottom, which is now done; hopefully that is sufficient.  UulRhaShan.jpg will have to wait until someone with Classic Star Wars: Han Solo at Stars' End (TPB) can re-scan it. jSarek 09:37, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***I still am not content with Image:Tisssharl League.jpg and Image:SiDiRi.jpg. Have Redemption re-scan them or something, or at least someone who's better at avoiding compression artifacts. --Imperialles 11:50, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ****I figured that might be the case; I can't do any scanning myself, so I have to rely on what's out there. I'll drop Redemption a note. jSarek 11:57, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *****Redemption has graciously added new versions of Image:Tisssharl League.jpg and Image:SiDiRi.jpg. A better version of Image:UulRhaShaan.jpg, however, is unobtainable, since "it was in 1997 that it was published, and older TPB tend to have issues scanning at higher resolutions." jSarek 19:11, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *T he sections "Society and culture" and "Tiss'shar in the galaxy" seem to consist of several one-or-two-sentence paragraphs. Either expand these to warrant separate paragraphs, or merge them and rewrite them.
 * 25) **The paragraph on clothing has been expanded, including a bit I should have noticed earlier but didn't. As for the language and cuisine paragraphs in the Society and Culture section, each contains all available information on two very different segments of Tiss'shar culture.  I don't think they can be made longer without padding them, nor do I feel it would improve the article any to merge these distinct cultural areas into other paragraphs. As for the latter section, all of the paragraphs there are three sentences long, so I'm not sure where the problem lies. jSarek 09:37, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Three sentences, two sentences; it doesn't matter. They're still very short and make the article look cluttered. This is prose, not a form. --Imperialles 11:50, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ****And prose sometimes warrants short paragraphs, as I feel it does here. Paragraphs should be as long as is necessary to convey a single supported idea, not be lumped together to look a certain way. jSarek 11:57, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * --Imperialles 06:55, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * Does the source actually identify these as the six "known" races, or just identify six races? If not, this would be akin to the dreaded "unknown" wording: "There were six known races of Tiss'shar" Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:29, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Galaxy Guide 12 says "The six known races of Tiss'shar can be identified most easily by their markings." The Ultimate Alien Anthology is more concrete, stating blatantly "Six subspecies of Tiss'shar exist, differentiated by the colors and patters adorning their scales."  I chose the less-definitive wording, since many of the Tiss'shar in  Empire 31: The Price of Power don't seem on first glance to match any of the six descriptions. jSarek 13:15, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Given that UAA is the much more recently published source, it would be best to go with the concrete wording. Leave a reference note explaining the possibility of there being more per your reasoning if you wish, but any assumption made on their appearance in Empire would be ORish.
 * 5) ****Changed to concrete wording of newer source, and added brief note about the variety seen in Empire 31 to the BTS section. jSarek 11:15, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Okiedoke, I also changed the accompanying infobox wording to reflect this change, and alphabetized and bulleted the races. Feel free to tinker with that if you don't like it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:55, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * I'd rather see the "famous members" field in the infobox listed in alphabetical order. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:05, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Your wish is my command. jSarek 11:15, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

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