Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Kiro


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:18, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  StarNeptune Talk to me! 01:28, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:34, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:20, 4 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) --Eyrezer 00:25, 8 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:44, 8 March 2008 (UTC)

Oppose --Eyrezer 10:55, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * POV: "Unfortunately, Kiro went missing"
 * 3) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Briefly elaborate on what The School is: "was a member of The School"
 * 5) **Done. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * In the first mention you capitalize "The." Pick one format and stick with it for consistency: "the School"
 * 7) **Gah, that was dumb. Not sure why I did that. Capitalization is gone. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * I've linked the following to "Star system." If the story names a specific system, however, please link accordingly: "within the system"
 * 9) **Added link to Iskalon system. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * POV: "Unfortunately, the Iskalonian representatives"
 * 11) **Gone. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * I'm going to refrain from making a funny comment here, but please rephrase: "Kiro was ready for some action"
 * 13) **I wrote that? :-P Reworded. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * POV: "Unfortunately, at the same time"
 * 15) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * POV: "arrived to save the day"
 * 17) **Rephrased. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * I don't think this is a word. Avoid slang: "Kiro's do-gooder attitude"
 * 19) **Heh. Dictionary.com is never wrong! Reworded. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Bah! Oh, well. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * POV: "Luckily, Chihdo's blast was"
 * 22) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***This phrase wasn't changed. You could reword it to say "Luckily for Kiro," for ex. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****I could've sworn that I changed it to "However". Wasn't trying to pull the wool over your eyes. :P Changed now I hope. Cull Tremayne 06:10, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I trust ya. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:18, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * This description of him as a Rodian is kind of sudden. Make sure you as a description of him as such in his initial mention in the article: "he slammed the Rodian"
 * 27) **Done. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Elaborate on what this is: "activating the Shawken Device"
 * 29) **Added. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Avoid the rush: "The group rushed Kiro back to their ship and placed him in a water-filled capsule to rush"
 * 31) **Nice. Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Unless the story specifically mentions a "radio," avoid this terminology: "their radio silence"
 * 33) **Changed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * POV: "Unfortunately, Lumiya was able to defeat Skywalker"
 * 35) **Gone. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * You link lightsaber to shoto here. Just confirming he did indeed fight with a shoto, and, if so, you should specify it was not a typical lightsaber: "Kiro helped Skywalker build another lightsaber"
 * 37) **I should probably place a ref to the JVS sourcebook here. Clarified. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * This could be worded better: "Skywalker ran from the base and back to their ship, but halfway back to the ship"
 * 39) **Reworded. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Everyone? Probably an unnecessary generalization: "Everyone in the Alliance assumed that Kiro had died in the attack"
 * 41) **Yes everyone! Changed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * POV: "Unfortunately, during the war"
 * 43) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Avoid this: "If the Rebels ever located Dani or if she ever reunited with her lost love is unknown."
 * 45) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * In accordance with the previous objection, please rephrase this section title: "Possible reunion"
 * 47) **Dangit, I liked that section header. :P Changed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * After looking back over this quote, there seems to be some discrepancy whether it is "The School," or "the School." Make sure you find out which is the proper format and stick with it throughout: "We of the School"
 * 49) **Changed. Got confused with trying to link to the article, shouldn't be capitalized. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * This sentence in the intro makes it seem as if he became disillusioned as a result of his going missing, but the article seems to suggest that it was because of his love for Dani and/or his responsibility to his people. Please clarify in the intro: "Kiro went missing in action during a conflict shortly thereafter and became disillusioned with the thought of becoming a Jedi."
 * 51) **Hmmm...good point. Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Unless I've missed it, you don't really set aside an explanation of how Kiro needed to wear a rebreather when not in the water, just that he is a water creature and he apparently was in trouble when his device was constantly being broken. Please elaborate early on in the article, as well as the P&T. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:05, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **Good point. I really overlooked that. Added. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) Eyrezer
 * 55) * Can you clarify why the Rebs thought the school could help them find Tay Vanis?
 * 56) **Clarified a little. Cull Tremayne 23:20, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * Plif appears out of no where. Can you either make mention of him earlier, or explain at that point who he is?
 * 58) **Mentioned his appearance in the Planetary Defender section. Cull Tremayne 23:20, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 2) * Image:Kiro5.jpg has visible frame at top and left. Image:Kiro2.JPG has a bit of frame on all four sides.
 * 3) * "Kiro had several more appearances in the Marvel Star Wars comics" – At least one source should be cited for this statement, aside from the source listed at the end of the sentence.
 * 4) **Done. Cull Tremayne 23:20, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:06, 7 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * More Marvel. Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)