Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Mohs


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Mohs

 * Nominated by: Yrfeloran 08:02, 19 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Pure Lando Calrissian Trilogy pyramid-power crack. Check your laws of physics at the door - you're in for a wild, wild ride.

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Had no trouble with this when it was up for GA. Cull Tremayne 09:52, 19 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Just read this book for the first time.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:58, 3 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Me too. Thefourdotelipsis 13:16, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) No picture, but still I support! Enochf 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Dark Lord Trayus 01:04, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Looks good. -LtNOWIS 04:40, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) The last section of the biography, and its corresponding part in the intro, stray really far from the subject. The focus should stay on Mohs, with the Lando/Vuffi plot only in there for context on his story. Related to that, it also seems to be written in Vuffi's and Lando's perpective; you have comments like "revealed to be a Sharu", and the part where Lando returns to the ship to find what Mohs has become. It should be kept in the perspective of Mohs, so you talk about him changing into the other form and waiting for Lando in the Falcon. - Lord Hydronium 03:26, 20 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I think I've addressed this. Yrfeloran 07:56, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) In addition to Hydro's objection, the part where the perspective leapt out to me the most was when Mohs and Vaa "vanished" from Calrissian's sight. So, per Hydro. Thefourdotelipsis 09:19, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Specific objection addressed. Yrfeloran 07:56, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) From Xwing328:
 * 6) *Around the "Within the great pyramid" section: The previous sentence says they were transported into the pyramid. The next sentence says Mohs falls through the wall, and then Lando arrives. Could this method of transportation be clarified? Are they just falling through a wall or being beamed in?
 * 7) **I've misplaced my copy, so I really can't say. The whole series of events is a little obscure, IIRC. Yrfeloran 03:53, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Possibly a link to Mohs' mother.
 * 9) *You say the Falcon fled the system. This could use a touch of context, imo, but not too much to make the article focus more on Lando than Mohs. Were they running from something in particular, was the world being destroyed in its transformation, what? —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:54, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Toprawa:
 * 11) *A preliminary objection: I'm not a big fan of alternating between calling him a Sharu and a Toka between the infobox and the first sentence of the introduction, despite the pipelink. It's just confusing, and I would request choosing one or the other for uniformity.Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Eh, okay. How's this? Yrfeloran 04:38, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***No change has been made, if that's what you're referring to. Toprawa and Ralltiir 08:04, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Hmm...an edit must have been dropped. I've fixed this now.Yrfeloran 03:53, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Cav's mohs-ings:
 * 16) *I think some explanation about the relationship between the Sharu and Toka peoples, and the fact that they were one and the same needs to be made explicitly clear in the intro.
 * 17) **I've done some tweaking. Yrfeloran 03:53, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *Context for Rokar Gepta and Fabled Key needed in intro, and in the bio.
 * 19) **I've added some context Yrfeloran 03:53, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Still need context for Gepta. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:17, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *Explanation of the Sharu-Toka connection may needed in the first paragraph, in my opinion; its confusing to introduce him as a High Singer of the Sharu, and then call him a Toka in the next sentence. Consistency is needed; refering to him as a Toka up until the point he discovers that he is a Sharu - with the required explanation therein - may work as well.
 * 22) *Why are the Sharu species presumed extinct?
 * 23) * When another altercation distracted Calrissian - Another altercation? When was the first, and is it important?
 * 24) **Tweaked this.
 * 25) *Why had the police detachment been sent to capture Calrissian?
 * 26) * Some context on the Great Lock would be appreciated, and how it is used to gain entrance to the pyramid. I presume the Fabled Key is used, but you haven't stated as such.
 * 27) *You mention that Vuffi Raa betrayed Lando in the intro, but you have no mention of it in the bio.
 * 28) **That's because another objector asked me to take it out...Yrfeloran 03:53, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***A brief mention in the bio would probably be acceptable, but not to the lengths that you had it originally. Either that, or take out the mention in the intro. There should be no info in the intro that isn't in the bio. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:17, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * You mention an ancient computer system - more information on this is needed, as it triggers a significant event. Also, since it - according to the PT - is responsible for directing Mohs somewhat, it needs to be introduced and explained far earlier in the bio, possibly at the beginning.
 * 31) **This is stuff that is really not adequately explained in the book. A lot of crazy stuff happens with no explanation at all except for the presumption that the Sharu did it. Yrfeloran 03:53, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *The relationship between the Toka intelligence and the life-orchards should be addressed in the bio as well. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:50, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Still some stuff to be worked on. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:17, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) A few more images should be added. One of Lando and/or Vuffi Ra, and one of Geptu come to mind. --Eyrezer 12:03, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * There's got to be some sort of award for "most consistently traitorous sidekick". Yrfeloran 08:02, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Removal vote (Inquisitorius only)
Remove
 * 1) Inert. Been here for months, nominator has been informed, several times, of outstanding objections. This is going nowhere fast. Thefourdotelipsis 02:16, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:17, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Cylka  -talk- 02:18, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) He gone.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:20, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) That's a shame. - Lord Hydronium 06:07, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Keep