Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Battle of Maridun (Clone Wars)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Maridun (Clone Wars)

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 21:18, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Much thanks to GT for a pre-nom review.

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:32, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Source for its name? Also, please standardize your paragraph size. That first Prelude paragraph is simply unwieldy compared to the rest of the article.  CC7567  (talk) 21:32, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Both addressed. Thanks for the review CC :)
 * 3) **More to come later.  CC7567  (talk) 05:12, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Attack of the Clone
 * 5) *Jang, one thing that I've noticed just from a passing glance is that the entire article's level of detail is equal to that of a very long introduction instead of an actual article. You're summarizing extensively, both throughout the prelude and the actual battle. The fact of the matter is that some event article is going to have to be detailed with all of the events described. I'm going to leave it up to you to decide whether to create another article for the prelude events or something, but please fix this. This should have enough info to be taken to FA, but it currently meets neither the FA word count or expectations of detail.  CC7567  (talk) 22:06, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Mauser:
 * 7) *The article could currently use one more image at the beginning of the prelude section. Or, like CC said, you could trim the prelude section and focus more on the actual battle.
 * 8) *For example, the whole first paragraph of the prelude contains redundant information. Saying only who crashed on Maridun and that Skywalker was injured would be more than enough.
 * 9) *Same for the second paragraph and the circumstances of Skywalker's healing. Actually, as Anakin was healed by the time of the actual battle, it may be ommited altogether.
 * 10) *Also, the article could use a major general expanison. You spend two paragraphs to retell of the events of the Jedi Crash, that aren't actually relevant to the battle, but the whole ambush on the Durd's base is done in one sentence! "Meanwhile, the Jedi and clones secretly entered the Spearatist base, killed all the stationed droids around the base, before the group found two disabled shield generators and commandeered Durd's shuttle within the bunker." - is that all there is to say? That is the actual prelude to the battle.
 * 11) *"Tee Watt Kaa wanted to remain neutral from the war. However, the Confederacy of Independent Systems sent Separatist General Lok Durd to investigate the Outer Rim planet." - you make it look like CIS acted despite his intention, while weren't even aware of them. "However" is definitely out of place here.
 * 12) *Wasn't the defoliator a prototype weapon? If so, it should be refered to as such first time you mention it in both infobox, intro and the body.
 * 13) *Do not link to redirects. Shield generator was one example, not sure if there are others.
 * 14) *The commentary for Defenders of Peace is definitely not the source for Lurmen being from Mygeeto.
 * 15) *"Shortly after, Confederate General Neimoidian Lok Durd began to descend from Maridun's atmosphere." - multiple issues here. First, shortly after what? The episodes doesn't say how much time have passed. Second, "began to descend from Maridun's atmosphere" seems to imply that we was waiting there - why not replace it with simple "arrived at Maridun"? Third, "Confederate General Neimoidian Lok Durd" is too long for an introduction, establich him as a Neimoidian somewhere later. Last, you should first mention his C-9979 in the same sentence as Durd, because he could not "begin descend by himself". Better rewrite it from scratch.
 * 16) *"His C-9979 landing craft landed near the Lurmen village and was soon greeted by Kaa." - the C-9979 was greeted?
 * 17) *Create stub for the Separatist base on Maridun.
 * 18) *Change the main image of the article. It's of Rex and Bly blasting the probe droid before the battle even started.
 * 19) *"The Republic group soon found the Separatist base while hiding on a tree that overlooked the base." - is the tree part really important?
 * 20) *"prompting Durd to dispatch his battalion of battle droids" - not a battalion, but Squad One.
 * 21) *"the tree was the hiding location of the Republic group. After the successful testing of the defoliator," - they're preparing the testing, then the testing is done. Where's the testing part?
 * 22) *What is the aqualish technician doing in the Commanders section?
 * 23) *Also, probe droids didn't participate in the actual battle.
 * 24) *You have no mention of the AAT's role in the battle.
 * 25) *Create a stub for the Lurmen village.
 * 26) *"alerted Kaa and the villagers of the imminent Separatist attack. However, Kaa disagreed with the Jedi" - disagree with what?
 * 27) *"Secura and Tano began to Force pull seed pods" - what seed pods? The Earth ones, size of a finger?
 * 28) *"The Confederate officer hoped he could withstand and win the battle..." - at that point he didn't even know there would be battle.
 * 29) *What was the size on Durd's force? One sentence it's a battalion, the next one it's the army.
 * 30) *This will be enough for now, definitely more to come.  Mauser  Comlink 22:09, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Currently at 955 words  JangFett  Talk 21:18, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Since the other battle already has the "(Galactic Civil War)" qualifier, you may want to move this one to "Battle of Maridun". QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 11:10, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * No, I'll leave it alone. If anything, the GCW battle should be moved because it was created before this article. Also, "Battle of Maridun" is an disambig page. JangFett  Talk 15:34, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Be alert, you have new content incoming once the Decoded episode airs.  Mauser  Comlink 22:09, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * And both already have.  CC7567  (talk) 22:24, 22 August 2009 (UTC)