Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Rorworr (Naboo)

Rorworr (Naboo)

 * Nominated by: SinisterSamurai 07:07, July 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your walking carpet.

Xicer shows no mercy

 * Your refs are a bit unorganized. The first instance of each unique ref should always be the one to define the specific work you're referencing. For example, the ref you've named "RSL" is used twice in the article before you define what it's pointing to (the third ref turns out to be the one contains the Wizards link). Many of your refs are like this, they need to be shifted around so the first ref is the one that all the others point to.
 * Some dashing, meat-grinding rogue seems to have taken care of that. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Appearances/Sources needs a or  template somewhere.
 * Added both. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Hm, no other available quotes? Not even from the comic? Also, is Rorworr's lead quote translated from Shyriiwoook? If so, it needs to use the appropriate quote template.
 * There are several quotes around him, mostly from NPCs/Gamemaster characters exposing the plot/mission or just genuinely being cake-eaters. There are three or four direct quotes from the 3-page comic, however TDO-2 seems to translate in third-person, like C-3PO in ROTJ. "My master says, 'Blahblah Faction Y Blah.'" That basically means Rorworr's direct quotes aren't directly translated, and that they also all fit into very short time frame. If you don't the NPC quotes, I can probably add several that hopefully fit the situation. The lead in quote is from a one sentence example about bluff skill checks. It's not noted as being translated, but extrapolation would indicate that it is. Wookiees don't speak basic. Addressed the latter. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * This isn't too serious of an objection, so I'd say to just add quotes where you feel they're necessary. If none of them really add anything to the article, then it's no big deal. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 17:55, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Put some up. Let me know your thoughts. SinisterSamurai 01:13, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * That's just about perfect. One thing though, the Bts quote of Sean Glenn needs to be properly sourced, you can't just link it to our article on the guy. Where does it come from? Once that's settled, the objection will be struck. A few things to remember: Links in the attribution are unnecessary if the character or whatever is already linked somewhere else in the article. The only time you should link something in the attribution is when it's never linked outside of the attribution. Also, periods should not be put at the end of attributions either. And when you need to use a dash or an ellipsis, you should use the proper code for them: &amp;mdash; creates an m-dash and &amp;hellip; makes an ellipsis. And finally, I fixed up the coding in the P&T quote. With our new Dialogue template, you no longer have to use the tedious line breaks and whatnot. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 01:43, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Correctly sourced. SinisterSamurai 18:44, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Intro: "Rorworr was a young male Wookiee who lived on Naboo with his father." Could we get an article on his father? It should be linked in both the intro and first section of his bio. Also, give a general time period for when he lived, like "during the waning years of the Galactic Republic" or something.
 * Underlinked the father. Let me know if you want it moved to another title. Stated birthday as 49 BBY in intro. "Waning years of the Galactic Republic," I'm wary of. Seems kinda POVish. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've seen "waning years" used in many articles, but you've given his birth year so the objection's been addressed. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 17:55, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Intro: Context needed on Theed (just say it's Naboo's capital city or something).
 * Check it. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Intro: "After the battle, Rorworr continued to serve the people of Naboo by helping defeat a dissident leader and helping to establish the colony on Ohma-D'un." What leader are you referring to? He should be linked in this sentence. And you should give context on Ohma-D'un (like the fact that it was Naboo's moon).
 * Linked or named? I went with linked. And you can consider that contexturinating Ohma-done. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * That works. Just FYI, since Naboo has more than one moon I added that it was the largest moon, to be more specific. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 17:55, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Youth on Naboo: Rorworr's species, gender, and birth date should all be mentioned in the first sentence.
 * Done. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Youth on Naboo: Context needed on Theed in this section as well.
 * Yessah. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Youth on Naboo: "But young Rorworr had a love for exploring the wilderness..." Don't start sentences with "but".
 * But what if I tell you, "I'm Sorry?" Done. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Youth on Naboo: "...and many of his excursions lead him beneath Naboo's star-dappled dome." What do you mean by "dome" here? Are you referring to the sky? If so, it would be better to just use that word.
 * This line is actually almost word for word. I didn't change it because I originally thought they meant a specific dome. Theed is a city of domes, but I didn't have a clue which one they meant. I think you're right, though. Those beautiful fuckers at Wizards love their poetry. Fixed. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Invasion of Theed: Context needed on Sia-Lan and Deel Surool. Also, you often refer to Rorworr's group as "the students" throughout the article. If they were all from Rorworr's school, that needs to be mentioned too.
 * Context added to Youth on Naboo. SinisterSamurai 17:03, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * You should probably remove Rann from that section, because you later mention him joining the school and befriending Rorworr in "Poachers", which is confusing since you just mentioned that he was already friends with Rorworr. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 17:55, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sure. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Invasion of Theed: Why were Rorworr and the others leaving Naboo in the first place?
 * No reason is provided. All mentions of the Crescent are 100% from a single source. The adventure simply starts with the fact that all player characters (unidentified) had booked passage on this freighter. I believe each player is supposed to make up their own reasons for being there. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Invasion of Theed: "...the group learned that he crashed a speeder into a nearby pond." Speeder currently leads to a disambig, are you referring to a landspeeder or an airspeeder?
 * An airspeeder, based on the altitudes it apparently reaches. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Invasion of Theed: "As Rorworr piloted the speeder along the Solleu River, over the occupied Main Boulevard Bridge and out onto The forces on the bridge fired at the speeder..." Huh? Looks like you lost part of a sentence here.
 * Oh, yeah. I was trying to figure out if there was a proper name for the instantly wide-part of that river. Turns out there isn't. Fixed. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * It still sounds like you're missing something: "As Rorworr piloted the speeder along a tributary of the Solleu River, over the occupied Main Boulevard Bridge, and out onto the river proper." Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 17:55, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Now? SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Invasion of Theed: "Led by Sergeant Mokem, the patrol escorted Rorworr's group to the edge of the swamp. The group followed the edge of the swamp..." Repetitive phrasing.
 * How's it now? SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * It's kind of hard to tell what's exactly going on in this whole section (Invasion of Theed). Why is the Trade Federation attacking? Is this set during the Invasion of Naboo? (It also needs to be linked if so). You need to make it clearer what's going on.
 * Added background of the TF blockade, and hopefully I've cleared some of this up a bit. The entire section is based on an adventure. While there is some exposition in the source, it mostly describes random and fixed encounters that players could possibly come across and react to in different ways. The idea is that every 10 rounds (game mechanic), the players face a random encounter. And if the players choices take them to certain locations, they face a fixed encounter. The nature of the source material is vague in details to allow a lot of freedom for the players. The players choices are never documented within the source material. In order to avoid as much fanoneering as possible, I've tried to leave it vague, quickly describing each fixed encounter and assuming success. SinisterSamurai 17:03, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * It looks good, but I noticed in this part of the "Invasion of Theed" section: "They helped a family of Naboo nobles escape the city by balancing" you added "by balancing." It don't quite understand what you mean here, it read fine before. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 17:55, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I remembered leaving that incomplete after leaving for work. Should be OK now.
 * Resistance and Underground: "Habble guided the group to the Resistance camp..." Is this same as the Naboo Underground mentioned in the last sentence. If so, you need to specify that, because it's not made immediately clear as it is. Right now it sounds like the Resistance is a separate entity. I'd also prefer that you use either one name or the other, since both are used throughout the article and it's a bit confusing.
 * Sorry. I've hopefully fixed this. I've left "resistance" in uncapitalized for variety's sake in a few instances. SinisterSamurai 17:03, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Resistance and Underground: Context needed on Darth Maul.
 * Good? SinisterSamurai 17:03, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Resistance and Underground: "At another point during the occupation, Rorworr, Deel, Sia-Lan, and Arani reentered Theed, sprung a trap, and took cover in an ally." Sprung a trap for whom?
 * I'll assume TF. It's not explicitly stated in the source material. SinisterSamurai 17:03, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Oh I see, they're the ones in the trap. Considering the battle droids and Neimoidians, there's more than enough evidence to say it was set by the TF. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 17:55, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Resistance and Underground: "Deel opened the door, and all four students were surprised by what they saw on the other side." What did they see? This just kind of ends abruptly.
 * The last panel of the three-page teaser comic ends there, with the caption reading something like, "What happens next? That's for you to decide when you buy our game!" SinisterSamurai 17:03, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Reclaiming Naboo: "After failing to move the Galactic Senate, Queen Amidala returned to Naboo." After failing to move the Galactic Senate to do what? Clarify.
 * Check. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Reclaiming Naboo: "When Amidala requested that Mett Habble bring his best people to the planning session..." What planning session are you referring to? This has never been mentioned previously.
 * Changed to "a" planning session. I think it makes a big difference. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Reclaiming Naboo: I don't think you ever mention that the Palace was captured by the Trade Federation, which makes it confusing why Amidala would want to sneak into the Palace.
 * Context added to Resistance and Underground. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Reclaiming Naboo: "When Gungan scouts were unable to locate the MTT, Rorworr's team was tasked to escort a group of Boss Nass's Gungengineeren to the site." What are the Gungengineeren and why did Nass send them?
 * Rewritten with your objection in mind. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Second Battle of Theed: "The group ambushed the forces ADO-8 within the repair bay." Missing word here?
 * Not any more. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Could you also contextify who ADO-8 is? Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 13:56, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Second Battle of Theed: "Rorworr's team once again briefly encountered Darth Maul, who quickly left the repair bay in pursuit of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan." Why were Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan there? You haven't mentioned them since the planning session.
 * They were mentioned as being unloaded at the base of the secret passage. Both parts should be clearer now. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Second Battle of Theed: Context needed on Nute Gunray.
 * Context added to Resistance and Underground. Does that work? SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is there a conclusion to Rorworr's mission deliver the astromech droid and the diplomatic pouch? You never mention either of these in the rest of the article.
 * There is no conclusion. Both items are designed to be an adventure hook, but the adventures are intended to be invented by each group's GM. Battle in the Streets!] mentions that the astromech might contain data on a dark force adept hiding in the wilderness, or information on pirates in the region, as examples of possible scenarios. It's not much to go on. I almost assumed the Force Adept data and tried to link it to [[Savor Kibbs. I decided that was a bit too much of a leap to make, especially since it clashed with the information on Kibbs from the Star Wars: Invasion of Theed Adventure Game. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Wait, so Arani and Galak were also part of Rorworr's team during this battle? You never mention that, so it comes as kind of a surprise when you mention their presence in the award ceremony in the "After the Invasion" section.
 * Yeah. Added their names to Invasion of Theed section. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * After the Invasion: Context needed on Dané.
 * Added to Invasion of Theed section. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Republic service: Context needed on Vo'ren Kurn.
 * Done. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is everything from "Poachers" to "Establishing Ohma-D'un" meant to be sub-sectioned under "Youth on Naboo"?
 * This was intentional on my part. It all takes place while Rorworr is a youth, and it all takes place on or very near Naboo. I'm not exactly squared on sub-section protocol, so if I'm missing something here, let me know. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * No, it's fine. I was just wondering if it was intentional. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 13:56, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Republic service: Some background on the Clone Wars in this section would help give context on the Separatists and why worlds would be seceding from the Republic.
 * ThumbsSinisterSamurai 18:16, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Republic service: "He was issued one for disappearing from an exploration party, during which time he found a lost civilization. On another mission, he earned a second reprimand for not revealing a sentient life form he discovered, at that life form's request." Do we have articles on the lost civilization and the life form? They should be linked.
 * The information presented is essentially the extent of the information known on them. For all I know, Rorworr discovered Super-Ewoks and Waru, but I'll make some stubs if this is an issue. SinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Rebel Wookiee: Context needed on Lando Calrissian.
 * DoneSinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Independent explorer: Context needed on the New Republic.
 * Given SinisterSamurai 18:16, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * P&T: Context needed on Chewbacca.
 * DoneSinisterSamurai 06:27, July 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Bts: "Rorworr has been documented as having been played by "Penny," and, "Michael."" What do you mean by this? Are you referring to example scenarios in some of the sourcebooks? This should be made clearer.
 * This works a little better, hopefully. SinisterSamurai 19:01, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * There's a ton of first name usage throughout the article. Characters should always be referred to by their last name unless multiple people with the same last name are involved.
 * I've addressed this. With the exception of the Pargens, (Nuun and Inea), there should be no more first-name only usage. Whole name usage has been reduced. SinisterSamurai 19:55, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * There are several battles that you don't link to anywhere in the article. Please go through the article and add the necessary links. Some of the smaller missions may also require you to create and link some articles.
 * Found a few. Am I still missing any? SinisterSamurai 18:44, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't think so, but I'll let you know if I find any others. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 19:18, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * You use the word "group" a lot throughout the article. Could you make it less repetitive?
 * I'm open to suggestions on this. I'm trying to roll through the article to change the some instances to a more appropriate synonym. SinisterSamurai 16:52, July 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * I think that just about does it! Not bad. Some comments: Remember to watch your linking and copyedit the article beforehand. There were also several places where you shifted from past to present tense, so watch out for that. I think the intro is a bit short, but not small enough to object to it. I currently count four redlinks: Assistant Minister of Internal Affairs, Dark Grove (Naboo) , mutated tangler tree , and Michael Beeler . At least one of these need to be killed, in addition to any others that crop up during the FAN process. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 20:50, July 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * These redlinks have been adressed. The only one remaining is Saidle Frex's base, I believe. SinisterSamurai 19:55, July 8, 2010 (UTC)

Xicer, part 2
Alright, I decided to have another look through it:
 * Intro: "During the battle itself, the Wookiee assisted in diverting enemy troops from Amidala's forces..." This battle needs to be linked.
 * Done. SinisterSamurai 08:14, July 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Now that I think about it, the intro really is a bit too short. Could you beef it up maybe another 50% or so?
 * I think "Poachers" and "Blockade of Naboo" are a bit too small to have their own separate subsections. Could you combine them into one subsection?
 * Did some general reshuffling of the sections. SinisterSamurai 03:27, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Reclaiming Naboo: Context is needed on a lot of those guys in the last sentence of the first paragraph. Panaka, Nass, Jar Jar, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Anakin. Nothing too descriptive, just a few words on each like "the Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi".
 * Fixed. Hope it's not too much. SinisterSamurai 06:52, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Second Battle of Theed: "The freedom fighters evaded several battle droid patrols..." Eh, "freedom fighters" sounds a bit POVish. Could you use a different word?
 * I think Freedom Fighters was used by one of the sources, but I agree. Fixed. SinisterSamurai 08:14, July 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * After the Invasion: "That night, after the funeral of Qui-Gon Jinn..." Qui-Gon's death was never mentioned before this, so context is needed here.
 * Handled. SinisterSamurai 08:14, July 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * After the Invasion: "The party defeated the failed Jedi Padawan, and ended the hypnotic influence he held over his followers." The fact that Kibbs was a failed Jedi Padawan was also never mentioned before this sentence. I suggest you add that bit to the sentence where you introduce Kibbs.
 * Reworked for clarity and accuracy. SinisterSamurai 04:20, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Establishing Ohma-D'un: "When Captain Worlohp entered the passenger bay to report colliding with debris from the Trade Federation Lucrehulk..." Are you referring to the Droid Control Ship here? There's like 10 different things "Lucrehulk" can refer to.
 * Clarified SinisterSamurai 07:43, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Establishing Ohma-D'un: "Rorworr stayed on with the Ohma-D'un project for an undisclosed amount of time, earning a monthly salary of 2,000 and joint-ownership of the Mystic Burn, a YT-1200 freighter stored at the moonbase." What moonbase? Are you referring to the colony?
 * Also Clarified. SinisterSamurai 07:52, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Republic service: "The Supreme Chancellor's office assigned Rorworr and other students from Theed to investigate an island cove hidden on a jungle planet." I think we need an article for this planet. Like, Unidentified jungle planet (Blue Star Pirates) or something.
 * Republic service: "Chancellor Palpatine once personally assigned the team to investigate a Sith temple on the snow covered planet of Puloorn." An article is needed on this Sith temple as well.
 * Rebel Wookiee: Context needed on Order 66.
 * Rebel Wookiee: We may also need an article on Shemza's contact.
 * Rebel Wookiee: "...and in the process brought with him a team of Rebels to steal upcoming battle plans for the fleet." Which fleet? The Rebels' or the Imperials'? It could be read either way.
 * Alright, I think we're finally done. Just remember to create articles for those Wizards links. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 00:30, July 12, 2010 (UTC)

Eyrezer

 * Were the characters briefed that Savor Kibbs was a former Padawan prior to embarking on their mission, or did they find out later? If earlier, can you introduce this at the briefing rather than adding it in at the conclusion of the fight? --Eyrezer 04:57, July 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Reworked for clarity and accuracy. SinisterSamurai 04:20, July 25, 2010 (UTC)