Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Rescue of Bastila Shan


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Rescue of Bastila Shan

 * Nominated by:  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another work of the Pasta Bowl; Literally from scratch, made on Taris with the help of a Telosian.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 13:38, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:44, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) DC 03:17, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Excellent stuff. Thefourdotelipsis 02:05, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:49, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:45, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:59, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Looks like a nice article you've put together there, mate, just one small thing. The introduction seems to be a bit on the heavy side (for example, Jedi Civil War's intro is approximately 20% smaller), with the first sentence perhaps being a bit too OOU-ish for my tastes. I'd fix it myself but I don't want to unintentionally screw up the flow. -- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Put 'vital' instead of 'compulsory . . . etc.' in to make it less OOU. Make sense? Revan Averre 20:08, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Restored "compulsory" to the intro. Not as a debate, but just to explain my reasoning on this: Imperative may be a bit too-OOU; fair enough. I believe compulsory is IU due to the compulsive desire of Onasi that was in part due to his loyalty to the Republic, in part forced by the situation they found themselves in, and in part due to the necessity of their own survival. Additionally, compulsory does not carry the complete negative connotation that "compulsive" carries, though the former is a more apt adjective for this situation. That being aside, I believe the intro is shorter now and more to your liking.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) After reading it through, I have no complaints other than the intro...from where I'm standing, there is too much overall detail provided, which has led to an unnecessarily long introduction. Other than that, I have no problems with this article :) Very nice read, indeed, Fi.  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:35, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *Shortened.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) DC
 * 7) * You should probably mention something about Revan's amnesia in the Prelude.
 * 8) * Can you give a little bit of context for Ixgil?
 * 9) * "Once inside, Revan and Onasi encountered the famed bounty hunter Calo Nord." You just introduce Nord and no detail is given. Does anything else happen?
 * 10) *Great article, Fiolli. DC 17:57, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **Objections resolved per IRC discussion with Fiolli. DC 03:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) Four Dot
 * 13) * "After winning the race, Brejik called foul and claimed that the prize would not be given over to the winner." This is confusing, especially since you haven't introduced Brejik yet.
 * 14) **Introduced him, now, in the earlier paragraph to set it up better.
 * 15) * "During the attack, an amnesiac Revan—who, believing himself a simple Republic soldier—was contacted by Carth Onasi." - This sentence doesn't quite flow as well as it should.
 * 16) **I think this is better.
 * 17) ***I think it's more the "who," that's throwing me off here. For some reason, it's just throwing me out of whack here. Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Concurrently, Revan—unknowing of his true past identity—experienced visions through the Force about the attack lead by Shan aboard Revan's former flagship. Onasi remarked that while Revan was sleeping, he had been thrashing about for a couple of days." - This is sorta tangential. For things like battles, missions, and the like, it's best to stick to what's directly relevant.
 * 19) * This also goes for the Ixgil incident, and the Nord one, as well as the descriptions of the various cantina occupants. They need axing to keep the focus of the article, otherwise it becomes a direct summary of the game's Taris section (which it shouldn't be).
 * 20) **Trimmed the Nord/cantina discussion. I think Ixgil is somewhat relevant since it is the first encounter whereas Revan and Onasi fought the Sith on their journey. I hope I clarified it in the text, now.
 * 21) * "During the conversation, Zaalbar began to eat his meal." - This is too great a level of detail for an event article.
 * 22) **Eliminated.
 * 23) * We also don't need the detail on the plight of the Undercity inhabitants, or Rukil's sidequest.
 * 24) **The Rukil part is in there assuming "complete light side" process of the game. While it is a sidequest, it is a part of the light-sided completion of the game. At worst, it should be stated in the BtS. What think you?
 * 25) ***I understand where you're coming from, but the "complete light side" thing in the template is more to cover articles pertaining to the non-compulsory side-quests, rather than the main plot. I mean, you're using the right template, I just think covering the Rukil sidequest is relevant to the article. A mention in the BtS would be adequate, I think. Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * "As further incentive, Ark promised that Revan could compete in the Season Opener and 500 credits." - Is there something missing here? :P
 * 27) **Cleaned up.
 * 28) ***Sorry I didn't fix that one myself. :S Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Saying that Canderous Ordo sent him, Revan should be able to get a pre-ordered droid from Nall." - This phrasing is odd, as is the tense.
 * 30) **Whoops. Heh. Sorry; Fixed.
 * 31) * "Nord managed to survive the devastation, however, and would later team up with Darth Malak to kill Revan" - This would kinda indicate that Revan bit the dust. :P
 * 32) **Well, the first time I played the game, Revan did bite the dust at that point. :P Fixed.
 * 33) * It would also be good to note in the BTS that it is not necessarily Revan who dispatches enemies, but could be any of the other party members. Thefourdotelipsis 11:59, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) **Added. Thank you, 4dot.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:28, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) From the Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 36) * Contextify Endar Spire (intro) and article as well
 * 37) * "crashed onto the surface, crashing in the Upper City with Revan taking injury" Redundant wording.
 * 38) *"haven for numerous individuals from all walks of life" A bit flowery.
 * 39) *Context for Shaleena.
 * 40) * "aleena informed the exploring pair who Gendar, their leader, was along with providing general information about the Undercity." This could be worded better and is redundant with the next sentence.
 * 41) * 1st para of "Stealing stolen items" is full of short sentences.
 * 42) * Reword the above section title to be less flowery.
 * 43) * "The most challenging obstacle, however, was in the elevator." POV.
 * 44) * 2nd paragraph of Raid on the Military Base needs rewording variety with respect to governor.
 * 45) *" At first, the crime team was " Reword crime team. That's not a canon term.
 * 46) * "showing him most prominently the Ebon Hawk and its impregnable security systems. " POV.
 * 47) * Room names and places should not be capitalized unless they are proper. "Throne Room", etc.
 * 48) * BtS: The Rescue does not specifically introduce Onasi. That is done on the escape from the Ebon Hawk.
 * 49) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:45, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) **Thank you, Ataru. I fixed all of them, I believe except the "Throne Room" objection. In the game, it is referred to as a proper noun in the computer terminals, conversations, map, etc.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:20, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) Toprawa:
 * 52) *This review will be segmented as time and the length of this article necessitates.
 * 53) * The second paragraph of the introduction is too PBP for the intro itself, and should be condsensed. Minor details about entering the base through the back entrance should be cut out. Please see me concerning this one
 * 54) **Condensed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * Can we link anything to this duel, or are we considering this apart of this grand article? "after a duel with the Force-sensitive Sith Governor"
 * 56) **No, it is part of this. There is neither a separate article for the raid nor is one really needed as it is part of this mission.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * Curiously, the introduction does little to describe what is going on with Bastila Shan herself. There is only a vague resolution concerning what happened to her. I would like to see this more clearly stated that the mission to rescue her was a successs
 * 58) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * I'm confused here. So Revan is with Onasi aboard the Ebon Hawk? Some kind of description needs to be given for his location, where they're meeting up, etc
 * 60) **Actually, I'm surprised this slipped through. It should be the Endar Spire here, still. Bah. I fixed it. I believe this clears this up.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * Additionally, context for what the significance of the Ebon Hawk is would do nicely
 * 62) **See above.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Please format the quote under the "Gathering information" subsection into Quote format
 * 64) * Please do specify what this past identity is: "Concurrently, Revan&mdash;unknowing of his true past identity" Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:20, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * Please specify and link what his former flagship is: "aboard Revan's former flagship"
 * 67) **Relinked, but there is no name for the flagship at present.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * For the comprehensive linking you do in each image caption, you leave the Outcast village unlinked in its respective caption, yet you leave it as a red link in the article. Please go ahead and kill this red link and link to it in the caption
 * 69) **Done.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * Confused here. You refer to "that scent" - what scent? "A severed arm still clutching a datapad was also found near the entrance to the rancor's lair, which stated that a particular potent odor would cause the rancor to eat whatever made that scent." Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) **Eliminated. Honestly, it really isn't all that necessary.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * Who is Davik? Context needed: "Revan and his team would be able to use Davik's flagship" Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:49, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) **Bah! Relic of reworking an earlier sentence. Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * Confusion arises here with the explanation that he is responding to something with no description of any kind of dialogue: "he responded to Revan saying that he knew the codes were in his possession."
 * 75) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * So what happened to their traveling to the cantina to meet up with him? Did they ever make it? Nothing ever specifies.
 * 77) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) * I'm very much confused by all of this, and I would like to see you revisit this and rewrite it for greater clarification. I don't understand how it jumps from Ordo wanting him to stay in the estate to sneaking off to reach the Ebon Hawk: "that Kang would have Revan stay there while background checks were being conducted. During this time, the Ordo suggested that Revan advance toward the Ebon Hawk and flee the planet."
 * 79) **No, Ordo doesn't want Revan to "stay", he reasoned that Kang would have him stay. I tweaked this a touch anyway, but I think it is fine.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) * I would like to see some greater explanation of why they have to go through Kang and the Exchange exactly. Why is he specifically conducting background checks?
 * 81) **The game doesn't say. I could guess, but that would not be appropriate for a featured article.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * Who is the bounty hunter? You never introduce anyone as being a bounty hunter prior to this. Please use a name here: "Acknowledging this, the bounty hunter"
 * 83) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) * I'm not sure if you're missing a word here or what, but this isn't reading right: "showing him most prominently the Ebon Hawk what Kang referred to as its impregnable security systems."
 * 85) **Tweaked; another relic.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * Stating to whom? This reads as though he's just talking to himself. Greater description needed: "Once Kang departed, Canderous Ordo stated that Revan should begin looking for a way to disable the Ebon Hawk's security system and capture the ship."
 * 87) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * With no prior explanation of this, this is kind of randomly dropped in. This should be explained previously: "as Kang stated they would."
 * 89) **Fixed.
 * 90) * Can we link something to this? "The Sith fleet had..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:45, 9 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) **The next word is linked to the event.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) Before I get started: Intro needs work, especially in the context department. Bastila, Revan, Carth. Get back to me on this one.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:20, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) From Graestan the Cruel:
 * 94) * Please explain why Thek would have Revan use the prototype in more detail.
 * 95) * Also be a bit more specific about why the blockade codes were needed.
 * 96) * You really shouldn't go so far into the security droid in the elevator entranceway if you're not going to explain how Revan defeated it.
 * 97) * "While Revan is considered the principal character in gameplay, whomever the player is controlling can dispatch enemies in combat." – I really don't believe this necessary outside the game itself's article.
 * 98) * Not too keen on the sentences containing colons in the BtS. Not objecting to colon usage, but to how they are used.
 * 99) * Graestan ( Talk ) 01:10, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I will fix the two red links in short order.
 * Personally, I would rather see this article split into "Rescue of Bastila Shan" and "Escape from Taris", since I seem to recall the game does that with its quest system. That, however, has no bearing on this article's quality. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:49, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * At first, I thought so as well. However, Onasi states at the beginning of the mission in gameplay that they needed to find Bastila and get off Taris so that she could be used back in the Republic Navy.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:28, 2 September 2008 (UTC)