Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once a nomination has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of five AgriCorps votes with no outstanding objections before one week has passed, the nomination will be considered successful.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Moradmin Bast
> JangFett  Talk 00:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 00:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * "Moradmin Bast was an Imperial Army general, subordinate to High General Cassio Tagge, and the personal aide to Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin aboard the first Death Star, and served as chief manager in the Death Star." Split these sentences up.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"Though soon after, Bast was killed when the Death Star exploded near Yavin 4, after Luke Skywalker's proton torpedo entered the Thermal exhaust port in the Death Star." The "Though soon after" is rather awkward.
 * 5) **Indeed, removed that statement.
 * 6) * " Seated to the left of his superior officer, Tagge, the group of command staff stationed in the Death Star discussed the Rebel Alliance, and their victory in obtaining the Death Star plans." Is it really relevant where he sat?
 * 7) **Not really :) Removed
 * 8) * " Motti and Tagge argued about the Imperial Senate's continuous support for the Alliance, though with the intervention of Tarkin, he announced to the assembled command staff the Emperor's dissolution of the Imperial Senate. " Reword. It makes it sound like Motti or Tagge announced the dissolution of the Senate, although it was Tarkin.
 * 9) **Removed that comma and added a period before "Though".
 * 10) * Be consistent on your capitalization of the "Force".
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * "During the Battle of Yavin, Imperial military analysts, who had been studying the Rebels' initial attempt to enter the battle station's northern polar trench, brought to Bast's attention." Brought what to Bast's attention?
 * 13) **Addressed and removed that statement.
 * 14) * "Bast indicated that the small thermal exhaust port was a potential danger to everyone onboard the battlestation. " Tell why the exhaust port is a danger.
 * 15) **Addressed. I stated that it was a entrance to the main reactor; I could say why it was a "danger" in a different sentence, but I don't want to get off topic.
 * 16) * "Though, the engineers stationed on the Death Star experienced slight difficulties, delaying the destruction of Yavin 4." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) * "after one of his fighters bumped his own fighter, " Reword.
 * 19) **haha, Thanks for addressing this objection. Fixed, hope that works
 * 20) * "as well as all the Death Star's commendations," I don't think commendations is appropriate here.
 * 21) **Reworded
 * 22) * Is content of the Legacy section really suitable for Legacy? It's really just "There was a guy who looked like him."
 * 23) **No, removed. The mentioning of the lookalike is in the bts.
 * 24) * Quote for P&T?
 * 25) **The only major quote he said in Episode IV was the "analyzed the attack sir". I don't want to repeat the quote because I used it two times. I moved one variation of that quote to the P&T from the Battle of Yavin section.
 * 26) * "many of whom were also assigned to the Death Star included:" Reword, although I would prefer you cut the part about the other Imperial officers with the same facial hair out entirely. It's not very relevant./s>
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * "The lookalike officer in the Holiday Special has not yet been identified, and his connection with Bast, if any, has not been explained, but it is known that is not Bast, and that Bast died in the Battle of Yavin." Split this sentence up, and the one following it.
 * 29) **Addressed
 * 30) * Watch your linking. Articles are linked to once in the intro and once in the main body of the article.
 * 31) **Fixed
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Mauser:
 * 34) * One thing is obligatory for all movie noms: check all adaptations. In your case: the novel, the junior novel, the Marvel adaptation, the Dark Horse adaptation, the Manga adaptation, the photo comic, the radio drama, The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader and possibly some others. Simply adding them to the appearances list is not nearly enough: you must check all of them for any new info and inconsistencies.
 * 35) **I completely agree, though I need to check if he was in the novel. I don't quite remember if he was in the 1976 and the most recent adaptions, but I will check. Bast wasn't identified until CCG, he was known by a different name/designation before the CCG. Death Star referred to Bast as "lieutenant".
 * 36) ***Fixed sources and references. Expanded bts as well.
 * 37) ****What about the Dark Horse adaptation and the radio drama?
 * 38) *****He was in the Dark Horse but not in the radio drama. Addressed.
 * 39) * A movie character with lines such as Bast is ought to have more sources mentioning him. Cards from Star Wars Trading Card Game and Star Wars PocketModel TCG are the first ones that spring to mind, but I'm sure there are a lot more. Even the sources, that are already listed, you don't seem to use. Where's the info from the Insider article, Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary, Star Wars Encyclopedia for that matter?
 * 40) **I'll be adding more sources and I'll check those visual dictionaries. Hopefully the newer sources say he is Bast.
 * 41) ***Same comment in the previous objection.
 * 42) *Keeping in mind that those two objections are pretty major and will require a lot of time to get the sources alone, I'd say this article's chances of getting GA'd in the near future are slim at best.  Mauser  Comlink 10:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **With respect, Fett, you should have done that prior to moninating the article.  Mauser  Comlink 13:18, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Though a article can change throughout the nomination.
 * 45) ****Will give a full review after the last two sources are checked.  Mauser  Comlink 10:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) Jinzler
 * 47) * The sources list is not in chronological order
 * 48) **I'm aware of that; I'll be adding new sources soon and reorder them.
 * 49) * I may be wrong, but wasn't Bast's rank known only to be "Chief" until the release of Death Star, which confirmed that he was a general? If so, this should be mentioned in the BTS section
 * 50) **CCG referred to him as Chief Bast. Death Star was only "lieutenant". But I'll check the novel just to make sure.
 * 51) * I know that Floyd has suggested that you remove the legacy section but if you keep it, it could do with some slight rephrasing: Two years after Bast's death, a man who served onboard the Imperial I-class Star Destroyer Devastator resembled Bast - this seems to give the impression that the man only resembled Bast while aboard the Star Destroyer. It would perhaps sound better if you changed it to "a man resembling Bast served onboard an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. Also you could perhaps add a bit more context to this and mention the Blockade of Kashyyyk
 * 52) *My favourite Death Star officer --Jinzler 23:30, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **I agree :)
 * 54) Mauser strikes back:
 * 55) * Sources needs to be sorted by the order of publishment.
 * 56) **Addressed
 * 57) * Why have succession box, if he's the only person to ever hold such position?
 * 58) *Addresed
 * 59) * Context for the Death Star in intro.
 * 60) **Adressed
 * 61) * In the intro you use the words Death Star too much. Replace some instances with "battlestation" or something.
 * 62) **Addressed
 * 63) * Intro could be expanded.
 * 64) **I dont think so. The intro explains his rank within the Death Star, which is partly revealed in the DS novel. Then sums up his role in A New Hope.
 * 65) * No "remains unknown" is allowed.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) *" either assigned or personally selected" - speculation.
 * 68) **Addressed
 * 69) * "He seems to have functioned well" - speculation.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * You describe all events in the conference room, though not all of them are relevant to Bast himself. Please re-check.
 * 72) **Addressed
 * 73) * Find at least one more image for the article.
 * 74) **Addressed
 * 75) * The image of Bast and Vader is from the very deleted scene you talk about. Therefore, it is not Bast.
 * 76) **Addressed
 * 77) * You say that Skywalker led a squad into the trench. Read the squad article and reword accordingly.
 * 78) **Addressed
 * 79) ***I corrected it myself.
 * 80) *More to come.  Mauser  Comlink 15:59, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Next round:
 * 82) * Infobox: you don't even say that he was a Human male. Same for the bio.
 * 83) **Actually, it was in the infobox but not in the bio. Added in the bio.
 * 84) ***Sorry, still can't see it in the bio.
 * 85) * "found a potential danger" - what exactly was the danger?
 * 86) **Addressed in the intro.
 * 87) ***The thing is, intro should be self-explanatory.
 * 88) **Expanded the meaning of it in the intro. But it is explained in his bio.
 * 89) * "Bast confronted Tarkin" - that wasn't a confrontation. Besides, you don't even say that he asked Tarkin to evacuate.
 * 90) **Reworded and expanded.
 * 91) * "Bast entered service in the Imperial Army and rose through the ranks" - what's the source for that?
 * 92) **Reworded, that section is sourced to the DS novel.
 * 93) * "Bast had no personal aspirations beyond serving the Empire, and was loyal to Tarkin and Tagge." - that belongs in P&T.
 * 94) **Addressed
 * 95) * Why did the Rebels run out of time?
 * 96) **Expanded
 * 97) ***Again, is that really relevant to Bast? Check the article TK-622 - it only mentions parts of the battle that were essential to his fate, no need to focus on Luke and vader instead of Bast.
 * 98) ****Agreed. Any irrelevant information is removed.
 * 99) * Tarkin did not order Bast to fire the superlaser, of that I'm certain. The orders were to another officer.
 * 100) **I'm certain it was Bast and then Bast gave the order to the chief gunnery officer.
 * 101) ***I will double-check it soon.
 * 102) ****Tarkin faced Bast and ordered him to "fire when ready" in ANH. Possibly, at separate times, Bast told Tenn to fire.
 * 103) * The whole last paragraph of the bio with the description of the Battle of Yavin looks choppy. Check it again and leave only elements relevant to Bast himself.
 * 104) **Addressed and removed a section.
 * 105) * Expand P&T.
 * 106) **I merged that sentence in the bio in the P&T, though their is not too much information about him and I have listed what is seen in the DS novel and A New Hope.
 * 107) * In Holiday Special Bast's lines from the movie were re-dubbed, you should mention that.
 * 108) **Addressed
 * 109) ***Sorry, you misunderstood me. In the ANH deleted scene he and Vader had one dialogue, while in the Holiday Special it was replaced with a compeletely different one. It's explained in Star Wars: Behind the Magic.
 * 110) ****Any better man?
 * 111) *  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) Chack Attack:
 * 113) * Your sources are out of order.
 * 114) **Addressed
 * 115) * I'm currently working on Motti, and there ended up being a lot more P&T info than I expected (little tidbits from numerous sources). Are you sure that you can't expand the P&T for Bast? Going along with this, are you sure those are all the sources? I realize his role is less than Motti's but still, I'd think there might be a few more sources than shown here.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:57, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) **P&T expanded. I found very little information about Bast from that source, and he did have a rivalry with Motti. I added that in the bio, and more in the P&T.
 * 117) * You may be missing sources. Use Jaymach's site, and check sources like Galaxy Guide 1 and other sourcebooks which deal with that time period.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:54, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) **I looked through various of old sourcebooks, and Galaxy Guide and they had Bast, however, they only referred to him as "Chief".  JangFett  Talk 20:59, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) While I look at the stuff above, I'm gonna have to go with them. It seems to me that this article should be looked over once more, then re submitted. Gmalek 18:59, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) *Huh? Gmalek, those are former objections that have been addressed. Please familiarize yourself on how the FAN/GAN pages work.
 * 121) Toprawa:
 * 122) *I'll suppose I'll list here the objections I have voiced to Jang already, until they are resolved. Note that they will likely increase with time.
 * 123) **Check out information for both editions of Galaxy Guide 1.
 * 124) ***Still waiting for my GG1 first edition, should arrive soon. GG1 second has been checked.  JangFett  Talk 16:31, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) **Make sure you have included all CCG cards in the Source list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:45, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) ***CCG cards have been checked.  JangFett  Talk 16:31, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * Appearances go above sources fyi. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Opps, must have missed that. Thanks for fixing that Trayus :) (Imperial Intelligence)  18:48, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I is for Iridonian...

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 07:45, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:27, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Certainly much more interesting than overused Mandos. I'd actually like to see more on these guys.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 08:30, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Small sp/gr edits, and we're set Enochf 22:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * BTS: "Previously the term "Iridonian" was used to refer to Zabraks, but the description of their culture." Confusing to the point that it barely makes any sense. Please reword.
 * 3) * "Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian": The article uses both spellings, and it appears that "Iridonian" is correct based on statements in the BTS and on the talk page. I've fixed a couple, but you should look through the article yourself and fix the rest.
 * 4) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Both have since been removed, due to being factually incorrect, so those are addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  12:55, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***The first one was expanded on by Mauser and has been struck. The second one, however, is not fixed due to Mauser's reversion; your best bet would probably be to wait a little bit and see if Tranner gets a response from Mr. Chee before fixing it, though I do feel that Mauser is probably right below. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:22, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Alright, I've struck based on Eyrezer's fix and Mauser's point below. I was hoping to see an official response from Mr. Chee first, but it appears that such a response may not be coming. Let's move this nomination on, and if we do get a response from Mr. Chee, then we can work things out then. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:27, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Graestan:
 * 9) *The Rodney Thompson quote should be sourced to the link, not the WotC article here.
 * 10) *Quotes in the prose should be replaced with paraphrasing.
 * 11) * Graestan ( Talk ) 12:25, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 13) *Just a couple of things. First, although the Iridonian in the game speaks Basic, can we really conclude that that's the species' native language? I always thought the infobox field was for native tongues, not languages a species can speak.
 * 14) *Second, what do you mean by "a non-existent code of honor"? Does this mean that the Echani purport to follow a code of honor but the Iridonians believe it's a sham, or does it mean that the Echani don't profess or follow a code?
 * 15) *Finally, are there any hard dates you can throw in the article? I always like to see dates, as they ground the prose a bit more and allow the reader to wrap his or her head around the when of things. Doesn't the KotOR game have an in-universe date for when Revan meets the mercenary? That's it! Good work! ~ SavageBob 14:25, September 3, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Iridorian" (which you use throughout the article), since "Iridonian" is used to denote Zabraks from Iridonia. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * See the BTS and the related discussion on the article's talk page. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My point still stands. "Iridorian" is still used throughout the article. Additionally, since "Iridonian" refers to a type of Zabrak, this article should include information on Iridonian Zabraks. For all we know, the being in the main image may be a Zabrak under that armor. Either way, something's just not right - and unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done short of asking Leland Chee about it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My apologies, gentlemen. I forgot to check the name prior to the article's nomination, despite my own doubt that it was "Iridonian". That's now fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  12:54, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright, you redirected "Iridonian" to Zabrak and changed this nomination to "Iridorian," but Mauser has reverted your changes. So until this issue of "Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian" is resolved, this won't pass. To help speed this up, I've left a post on the "Holocron continuity database questions" forum on StarWars.com, asking Mr. Chee about this issue. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:21, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * To me the case is simple. We have 2 variations of spelling: from KOTOR game and Camaign Guide and we were that LFL considered the one from the game to be a misspelling.  Mauser  Comlink 13:38, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * In the meantime, I've semi-protected it for a month (which will still let most people frequenting this page edit at will.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Refresh my memory, but I think we don't ordinarily include the Eras template on sentient species articles. (If we did include it for this article, the "Old Republic" era icon would be the one to use.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * That is correct, we don't use eras. --Eyrezer 23:10, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Remove nomination (AgriCorps vote only)

 * Per Tranner's comments above, although I'm pretty certain it's "Iridorian." This is what BtSes are for. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:36, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *I rewrote the Bts today to, hopefully, make it clearer what is occurring in this article. Does that help? --Eyrezer 12:33, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Wooley

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 17:32, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A minor clone trooper from Innocents of Ryloth

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:53, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 17:20, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 21:53, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company boarded the Crumb Bomber and other LAAT/i gunships and attempted to land in Nabat, but proton cannons attacked the Acclamator transports above, and Kenobi was tasked by Jedi Master Mace Windu with taking out the cannons to allow them to land." Run-on.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Lee, like your previous noms, please watch for underlinking and overlinking issues.
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) ***No, I still see many unlinked subjects. droid, Nabat, Innocents of Ryloth are a couple of them.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company" Context on "Ghost Squadron".
 * 9) **Fixed
 * 10) ***It was not Wooley's unit. Ghost Squadron is a unit of 212th Attack Battalion.
 * 11) ****Fixed.
 * 12) * "Ghost Company then settled up a base. Shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead. Cody and Wooley went to investigate the courtyard, and discovered that the Twi'leks were being held prisoner." Very choppy, also the first two sentences are fragments.
 * 13) **Fixed
 * 14) ***Read this Lee: "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead." Improper English. Make sure you proofread what you write, and if it helps, read it out loud. Or it could be your use of punctuation that confuses the reader. I'll correct this sentence, but in the future, you should be able to correct your usage of proper punctuation. More specially: commas, semi-colons, and &mdash (&mdash;), which is used in place of commas sometimes.
 * 15) ****Lee, please rewatch the episode and find where they "scouted ahead". "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer, and Boil to scout ahead."
 * 16) *****Fixed.
 * 17) * "After reporting their findings back to Kenobi and Windu, they moved out." Moved out where?
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) * Lee, try and use translating words such as "soon", "then", "however", "though" in your sentences. Go back and correct this issue because it is difficult to understand what's happening chronologically.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) ***Along with the proofreading, double check to make sure your sentences flow together.
 * 22) ****Checked.
 * 23) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20, the Separatists in Nabat were defeated, and after the transports landed, the army headed to the capital city of Lessu succesfully reteaking the capital and winning the battle." Improper English, also they did not win the battle. Kenobi and his men destroyed the cannons, allowing Windu and his men land and organize for their run on the capital.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) ***What is the "army of Windu"? More specifically, you should say Lightning Squadron and Windu.
 * 26) ****Fixed.
 * 27) * It is not confirmed that all clone troopers were born in 32 BBY. Their homeworld is Kamino, though unless you can prove that Wooley was born in 32 BBY, please remove it.
 * 28) **Removed.
 * 29) * Lee, I strongly recommend that you go back and proofread this article because I corrected a lot of grammatical issues, spelling, and linking issues.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Only use tags in the infobox, not in the main article.
 * 32) **Sourced.
 * 33) * JangFett  Talk 00:58, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 12:22, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***No problem Lee. Remember to proofread, and double check your work. If you have a hard time with using proper punctuation, you can always look on google for guides; also you can look at the FA tutorials here. I'll give this another review soon.  JangFett  Talk 19:25, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) From the Council Chambers:
 * 37) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20,": Slightly confusing; I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
 * 38) **Cleared.
 * 39) * Can you split the last paragraph of the bio into two or three separate ones?
 * 40) **Splitted.
 * 41) * The BTS needs a little expansion, primarily context on "Innocents of Ryloth".
 * 42) **Expanded.
 * 43) *Otherwise looks good after a copyedit and some ref cleanup. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:48, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Got them all. Thanks for the review Master Jonathan. --Clone Commander Lee 06:39, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Fett II
 * 46) * "Then, Cody and the Company created a diversion, while Kenobi, Waxer, and Boil freed the prisoners and also managed to take out the rest of the proton cannons." This sentence needs clarifying. What was the diversion?
 * 47) **Cleared.
 * 48) *Good work Lee  JangFett  Talk 16:58, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) Attack of the Clone
 * 51) *While I would normally correct these myself, I feel that addressing these objections will help you learn the expectations of a GA.
 * 52) * "After reporting their findings back to Kenobi and Mace Windu, they moved out." Who was Windu? Who were "they"?
 * 53) **Fixed.
 * 54) ***When I'm asking who Windu was, I'm asking for context on him in the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Everything after that sentence in the intro lacks coherency, and there's too much detail not related to Wooley. Please try to reword and shorten it.
 * 56) **Shortened.
 * 57) * Please watch linking, especially to redirects. This is something that you can fix yourself.
 * 58) **Adressed.
 * 59) * Ghost Company comes out of nowhere in the body and is not clarified in relation to Wooley.
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) ***Saying that it's "Wooley's unit" is simply pointless and too confusing when it comes this late. Please move it earlier, as in when the 212th is first mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Fixed.
 * 63) *****Please watch linking, Lee. No matter if you move around text, articles still need to be linked the first time they are mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * The episode did not give the slightest hint that the events took place in 22 BBY. Please put the correct source in.
 * 65) **Sourced.
 * 66) * "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer, and Boil to scout ahead the city of Nabat. Then Cody and Wooley went to investigate the courtyard and discovered that the Twi'leks were being held prisoner." This is still improper English; "settled up" is not an existing idiom, and furthermore, the rest of the phrase is extremely choppy. Please reword this.
 * 67) **Fixed.
 * 68) ***They didn't "build" a base; that would mean constructing one and literally building it. They can establish a base. Furthermore, the first sentence is cut off too soon with nothing to satisfy your "shortly after". You need another independent clause in that sentence to fix it  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Fixed.
 * 70) *****Lee, although I've changed this, please note that there was still something wrong with "shortly after" and the rest of the sentence after it. That phrase won't work without a proper subject in the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * "After reporting their findings to Kenobi and Windu, they moved out to the village. However, they were attacked by gutkurrs, released by tactical droid TX-20, the commander of the Confederate forces stationed in Nabat. Kenobi managed to lure them into an alley with the Force": this whole time, I have no idea who "they" refers to.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) * Context needed for the gutkurrs. What were they?
 * 74) **Adresssed.
 * 75) ***Nowhere in the episode did it say that they were native. Please provide your source.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ****Fixed.
 * 77) * "Then, Cody and the Company created a diversion by attacking the droids, while Kenobi, Waxer, and Boil freed the prisoners and also managed to take out the rest of the proton cannons." There's a lack of flow and an unneeded sense of chronology here. Please reword.
 * 78) **Fixed.
 * 79) ***The "unneeded sense of chronology" and "choppiness" comes with the "Then" at the beginning of the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ****Fixed.
 * 81) *****Lee, I've fixed this, but please take note: if you state "In order to achieve there goals," you need to state what they were, and you put in the wrong form of "their". Please proofread more in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "When the tactical droid commander was about to shot Kenobi": please reread this and try to change what you find. It's improper English and lacks good sentence flow.
 * 83) **Fixed.
 * 84) * The first two sentences of the P&T have no verifiability with their current wording and need more clarification. Furthermore, please proofread the last sentence and try to reword it.
 * 85) **Fixed.
 * 86) ***This still remains. How, specifically, was Wooley shown to be one of the best scouts when Cody picked them? If this is true, then anyone Cody picks for scouting is the best, and the reader has no clue why. Furthermore, the last sentence still lacks good flow.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) ****Fixed.
 * 88) *****Lee, this still does not work. What was Kenobi's exact quote and order to Cody for scouting ahead? Until you can clarify this in the article, that part of the P&T remains speculation. Furthermore, I've just gone ahead and fixed the last sentence for you.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) ******Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 10:41, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) *******Lee, putting the quote in the P&T does absolutely nothing. I'm asking you to clarify this in the text of the P&T, not provide a quote and still not relate it to the P&T. When I say "clarify it in the article", that means relate it back to your own words, not simply provide the lines from the episode and do nothing with it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:12, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ********Sorry, CC. I don't really understand this objection. --Clone Commander Lee 07:25, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) *********Here's what I'm asking: How do we know that because Cody picked him, he was "one of the best"? Your P&T does nothing to satisfy or clarify this, and the current wording means that anyone Cody picks to scout is immediately one of the best.  CC7567  (talk) 22:45, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) **********Better now ?--Clone Commander Lee 11:04, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) ***********I still fail to see how the P&T quote is still relevant. Either remove it or relate it to Wooley in the caption.  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) ************Removed. --SUBST:User:Clone Commander Lee/sig 20:49, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *For future reference, you cannot "make someone able" to do something. You're better off with replacing it with "allowing" or "allowed".  CC7567  (talk) 06:52, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) **Should got them. Thanks for the review, CC. --Clone Commander Lee 18:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ***Take two. --Clone Commander Lee 09:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * "General Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan, Commander Ahsoka Tano, were able to destroy the Separatist blockade surrounding the planet, allowing the ground invasion forces to land." They didn't land if Ghost Company had to later clear the Separatist forces in Nabat. Please check your facts.  CC7567  (talk) 20:26, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) **Fixed and thanks. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:16, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) Graestan:
 * File:Wooley.jpg looks the same with my glasses on or off. Please re-capture a more clear version.
 * 1) **Added by JMAS.
 * File:Cody and Wooley.jpg has a watermark of some sort on it. Please remove.
 * 1) **Added by JMAS.
 * 2) *Mention should be made in the intro as well as the biography that Windu was contacted by holograph; as it stands it reads like he was on the planet and up in the ships.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) *"Wooley expressed his hesitation with the mission's success" – Not sure if this means he was hesitant to complete the mission, i.e. he had misgivings, or he had doubts that it would be successful, i.e. he was being pessimistic. Please clarify.
 * 5) **Changed.
 * 6) * Graestan ( Talk ) 12:48, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ** Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:50, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Are you still planning to do a second review of him, CC ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:46, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Barb Mentir

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 18:51, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor pirate from TCW The Gungan General

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 16:59, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) After a final set of fixes. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 12:59, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:08, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:20, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 06:27, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Add at least one more image.
 * 3) **Added by JMAS.
 * 4) * Missing quotes for the head and bio.
 * 5) ** I'll ask JMAS.
 * 6) ***Added by JMAS.
 * 7) * Check your sources. Did you also check the guide?
 * 8) **Checked.
 * 9) ***Lee, that is not the way to source. You just copied and pasted "Shadow of Malevolence" guide, but renamed the title name to "The Gungan General". I suggest that you double check your sources and then add the two guides (Gungan & Dooku) into the "Soruces" section. Also, don't source to the decoded episode on StarWars.com, because they replace them each week. Source Gungan decoded content with:.
 * 10) ****Sourced.
 * 11) *****I redid some referencing and sourcing.
 * 12) * "Around 27 BBY, Barb Mentir was involved in a knife fight, there he lost his right eye in the fight and later wore an eye patch over where it had been." I probably forgot, but did it say around 27 BBY or said couple years before?
 * 13) ** It don't know certainly the info was there before i worked on the article and I can't watch the decoded episode.
 * 14) ***I suggest that you remove it the "27 BBY" with "Before the Clone Wars".
 * 15) ****Fixed.
 * 16) * "Around 22 BBY, the Sith Lord and Separaratist leader Count Dooku crashlanded on Vanqor, after being chased and shot down by Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker." So Anakin and Obi-Wan chased and shot down Dooku? You fail to mention their ships. Also too much context on Dooku. You can say Confederate Head of State Count Dooku, or just Sith Lord.
 * 17) **Adressed.
 * 18) * "After trapping the Jedi in a cave, Dooku met some members of Ohnaka's gang. Hondo Ohnaka took the Count to Florrum and captured him there." Dooku was not captured on Florrum. He was taken captive before hand and wasn't released by the pirates.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * "Ohnaka contacted Supreme Chancellor Palpatine of the Galactic Republic and agreed to acceppt a ransom in form of spice for the Count." How this is relevant to Barb?
 * 21) **Says why the Republic went to Florrum.
 * 22) * If you're not aware of Barb being on Vanqor, then don't add excessive details about the capture of Dooku, Obi-Wan and Anakin. While you're just summarizing the plot to "Dooku captured", none of the details are related to Barb.
 * 23) **Background info.
 * 24) * "Falso, however, wanted to betray Ohnaka and conspired with Mentir." This sentence doesn't flow well with the next sentence. You say he conspired with Mentir, but then the next sentence, Falso talked with Ohnaka.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Falso also expressed his sorrows that Ohnka would negotiate with the Galactic Republic diplomats and ordered Mentir to shoot the Republic shuttle down." Expressed his sorrows with whom?
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) * "After landing, Falso was awaited by Falso who asked him if he had completed his task." Falso was awaited by Falso?
 * 29) ** Oops. Corrected.
 * 30) * "Mentir hesitantly told him that the shuttle had crashed in the Doshar fields." told who?
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * "Falso then asked him if hed had the spice." Fragment, consider merging.
 * 33) **Merged.
 * 34) * "Mentir first appered as an unidentified pirate in The Gungan General the 12th episode of the Clone Wars TV series, aired at January 9, 2009." While it was the 12th episode, don't mention it because of the unestablished timelime. Airdate is fine.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * Again, a lot of details aren't related to Barb. The article seems if it is a short summary of "Dooku Captured" and "Gungan General". While you do have most information about Barb, please go back and remove any irrelevant details that don't concern him. Sentences like this: "Dooku then choked Falso to death and escaped in their ship.", shouldn't belong in a article about Barb.
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) *Lee, like your other noms, please make sure you give your articles a good copyedit. I see a lot of grammatical errors, spelling errors, and tense issues. While I corrected most of them, please go back and check for yourself.
 * 39) **I'll can't do a copyedit myself.
 * 40) ***At least try, and once you're done checking, you can ask someone else to give it a copyedit :)
 * 41) ****I read through the article.
 * 42) * JangFett  Talk 19:29, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **I don't get all really well but thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 14:31, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) Few more for now
 * 45) * The "Death as a pirate" section is too small to have its own section. You can merge it with the other.
 * 46) **Merged.
 * 47) * Intro-"However some clone troopers, along with Gungan Representative Jar Jar Binks, had survived the impact and managed to kill all pirates, except Falso, who returned to the base and told Ohnaka that the Republic had sent an army instead of the ransom." Whle you mentioned the clone troopers and Jar Jar in the intro, you failed to mention it in his bio.
 * 48) **Fixed.
 * 49) * P&T-"Also, he was able to fly a Flarestar ship so good to force a Nu-class shuttle, piloted by clone trooper pilots down." A bit too POV
 * 50) **Reworded.
 * 51) ***"Good enough" is still more towards POV.
 * 52) ****reworded.
 * 53) * JangFett  Talk 17:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **Fixed. Thanks for both review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:28, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ***No problem Lee, more to come.
 * 56) Fett will look once more
 * 57) * Intro-"Around 22 BBY, he cooperated with Turk Falso to betray the leader of their gang, who had captured Count Dooku, leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems." Context on Falso.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) * "After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Falso met with Mentir and told him that the spice was on the way and ordered Mentir to shoot the Republic shuttle down, being careful to not damage the spice." This sentence needs clarifying. It is quite confusing when Falso ordered Mentir to do something. The way the sentence is worded sounds like Falso is telling Mentir to shoot the ship, however, shoot the ship with what? Where is the spice?
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) * "Mentir felt the plan was too risky and asked him about Ohnaka. Falso calmed his fears and claimed they would be long gone before Ohnaka realized what happened. Mentir then took a Flarestar-class Weequay ship and waited in Florrum's atmosphere for the arrival of the Republic shuttle." These sentences are too choppy.
 * 62) **Fixed.
 * 63) * "He opened fire, and after firing two missiles, successfully managed to bring the shuttle down." He opened fire with what? Also after "He opened fire," the next part of the sentence doesn't make sense. "Successfully managed" doesn't work here.
 * 64) **Fixed.
 * 65) * "He returned to the pirate base where he reported in to Falso." Merge this with the next sentence.
 * 66) **Fixed.
 * 67) * "Falso then found Mentir, planning to escape with a ship." This sentence is very confusing. Reword.
 * 68) **Fixed.
 * 69) * BtS- I see a repetition of "He".
 * 70) **Fixed.
 * 71) * JangFett  Talk 00:38, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Got them all. Thanks for the third review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 10:44, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) Fett IV
 * 74) * "After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Turk Falso, a fellow pirate in the gang, met with Mentir..." Curious how you say Falso is Ohnaka's second in command in the intro, and then change the context for Falso to "a fellow pirate in the gang". Also, it looks like they're separate. Ohnaka, Turk Falso, a fellow pirate in the gang.. Almost appears if they're three people.
 * 75) **Fixed.
 * 76) ***Prefacing this by stating that I haven't seen any decoded episodes. Is it stated in the decoded episode that Turk Falso is Hondo's second-in-command? If not, then the statement has no basis. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 16:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ****I don't have seen the decoded episode too. So I corrected it. --Clone Commander Lee 16:26, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) *****"After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Turk Falso, another pirate in the gang, met with Mentir and told him that the spice was on the way and ordered Mentir to shoot down the" The way it's worded sounds like Mentir is discussing the ransom with three people.
 * 79) ******Changed. --Clone Commander Lee 16:57, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *Good work Lee, make sure you double check for grammatical errors, underlinking, and tense issues. You can always ask someone to give it a copyedit.  JangFett  Talk 16:08, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) **Fixed. Thanks for the reviews Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 16:11, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) QGJ
 * 83) ** The "Life as a pirate" subsection is unnecessary, since it basically covers the whole biography. The biography is rather short, so you don't actually need to use subsections at all.
 * 84) ***Removed.
 * 85) ** "After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Turk Falso, who was another pirate in the gang, met with Mentir and told him that the spice was on the way and ordered Mentir to shoot down the Republic shuttle, which was transporting the spice, with his ship, being careful to not damage the spice." This sentence is a run-on and reads awkwardly. Split it.
 * 86) ***Splitted.
 * 87) ** The last paragraph in the bio is rather choppy. Merge some of the sentences together.
 * 88) **Adressed.
 * 89) ** "Mentir then took a Flarestar-class Weequay ship..." Next sentence: He returned to the pirate base where he reported in to Falso and Mentir. Something's wrong here, because it currently implies as if Mentir reported to himself :P
 * 90) ***Fixed.
 * 91) ** Why is the episode guide for "Dooku Captured" listed in the sources? Does it mention Mentir? If not, it should be removed.
 * 92) ***Removed.
 * 93) **Quite good, overall. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:45, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) ***Got them. Thanks for the reviwe, Qui-Gon. --Clone Commander Lee 09:20, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) Attack of the Clone
 * 96) * Please eliminate or regulate all of your uses of "first," "then," and all related words. I'm getting an extremely unnecessary sense of chronology.
 * 97) **Removed some of them.
 * 98) * Have you checked either The Art of Star Wars: The Clone Wars or Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Visual Guide Ultimate Battles?
 * 99) **Checked.
 * 100) *Refs go after punctuation, should not be copy-pasted as you've done, and you still need to learn how to use a spell check. By now, if you're really learning from the GA process, you should not be hearing any of these.  CC7567  (talk) 03:56, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) **Thansk for the review, CC. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:18, September 3, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Lucia

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:00, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of FloydProject: Path of Destruction.

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good work Floyd.  JangFett  Talk 03:42, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:48, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Mauser  Comlink 21:53, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 07:48, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Please watch your linking, though.  CC7567  (talk) 05:08, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Lucia served in the Gloom Walkers under the command of Lieutenant Ulabore, and by the Battle of Phaseera in 1,002 BBY had seen relatively little combat but was still recognized as one of the best shots in the unit and served as a sniper in battle. Break it up. Also, there are two "served"s.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * served as a junior officer. In 1,002 BBY, Lucia and the Gloom Walkers served in the Battle of Phaseera, an effort to capture the Republic manufacturing world of Phaseera. At that time, Lucia had seen little action, but was already regarded as one of the best shots in the unit and served as a sniper in combat. Three serves.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * The Gloom Walkers were tasked with taking out a Republic outpost which was overlooking a valley that led to the Republic base camp in Phaseera's capital city, preventing the Brotherhood army from moving through the valley during the daytime without being spotted and their presence alerted to the Republic soldiers in the camp. Break it up. Otherwise, nice article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:07, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Toprawa:
 * 9) *My only objection is a request to qualify this statement. "Seemed to" according to whom? Lucia? "Dessel seemed to retain his sight, even after the detonation of the flash canister" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:05, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Finn Galfridian

 * Nominated by:  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 03:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of my Galfridian Project

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 00:43, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) I trust you'll get Chack's first one properly, very good otherwise. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:41, 23 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Intro needs expanding.
 * 3) * "Although the two and their people were able to reach the hangar, the Yuuzhan Vong kept the building under siege." Try to reword "the two and their people". Mention who where the "two".
 * 4) * The "Yavin 4" section is too small to have its own section. Merge the sentence with the bio content.
 * 5) * P&T-"He had a dislike of shopping unless it was for food." Merge these short, choppy sentences.
 * 6) * P&T-"He was forced to take on much responsibility after his father elected to remain on Artorias to fight the Yuuzhan Vong invaders." That is not needed, it is already mentioned in the bio.
 * 7) * P&T-"He confided to Luke Skywalker that he didn't know how to lead, but was informed by the Jedi Master that if he faked confidence, he would get his people's backing." Again, not needed. You're just restating information from the bio. Unless you can state and source that he wasn't a natural leader and wasn't sure of himself in leading.
 * 8) * P&T-"He wanted to join his father's strike force against the Yuuzhan Vong despite the near certainty of death and at one point told Skywalker that he needed to find his mother and sister, despite knowing they were being held in captivity by the invaders." Again, not needed. Rewording content from the bio and then place it in the P&T is not concise.
 * 9) * Overall, try to lessen the play by play detail from the bio. Other than that, good work.
 * 10) **I think I got them all PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:53, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Soresu
 * 12) * First off, when you type bolded comic quotes, you are meant to use italics instead.
 * 13) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Context on Artorias. Just "the planet Artorias" should be enough.
 * 15) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Mention that his Force-sensitivity was discovered in the intro. ATM, he isn't explicitly linked to having the ability.
 * 17) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Context on the Yuuzhan Vong in the intro and body.
 * 19) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***You don't need to use up a whole sentence. Just add a tag at the end, like "Yuuzhan Vong, a species of extragalactic invaders, attempted to conquer the planet". SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:44, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Addressed
 * 22) * Check for underlinking.
 * 23) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***Got the last few, I think. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:40, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * his leadership qualities when he was thrust into a leadership role for the citizens of Artorias, confiding to Luke Skywalker that he was in over his head and wasn't a leader. Leader is too repetitive.
 * 26) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Still two left. Change one more one. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:40, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ****I must've missed it the first time around. Now it's addressed.
 * 29) * was ultimately lost. Due to the timely assistance of Luke Skywalker he was able to evacuate safely from Artorias. However his sister and mother were ultimately captured, Ultimately is reptitive.
 * 30) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *Not bad, overall. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:45, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ** Thanks :)  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Nayayen just got the Invasion comics today
 * 34) * "It was just after one of his exercises when the Yuuzhan Vong, an aggressive race of extra-galactic invaders, invaded the planet." The use of "invade" is repetitive here, reword it a bit.
 * 35) ** Addressed
 * 36) ***There is still another invade in the next sentence but I'm Chack'll notice with his objection.
 * 37) * In that same sentence, move the link to Battle of Artorias from "invaded" to "invasion" in the first sentence of the section.
 * 38) * "to rescue Finn's mother and sister Kaye" Can you mention Nina explicitly here? It sort of sounds like you're saying that Kaye is his mother and sister.
 * 39) ** Addressed
 * 40) * You should include the fact that he could see through Prowl's photoreceptors via his goggles.
 * 41) ** Addressed
 * 42) * You need to link to Galfridian family & Battle of Rychel somewhere in the article.
 * 43) * In fact, check your linking throughout; remember my objection on your Vindication FAN.
 * 44) **Chack got most of mine and I've done the rest I saw. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  00:49, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *Other than that, it looks good. I'll upload a better version of File:Finnlift.jpg for you too. -- Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk 15:58, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ** Thanks  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:27, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) Chack Attack:
 * 48) *"It was just after one of his exercises when the Yuuzhan Vong, an aggressive race of extra-galactic invaders, invaded the planet. The Yuuzhan Vong had recently invaded the galaxy, destroying the planet of Sernpidal in the process." You use "invaded" too many times. Please change the two "invaded" verbs. This is the same as Nayayen's, so sorry, this just strongly jumped out to me.
 * 49) ** Addressed
 * 50) *Training on Yavin 4 is a bit too pbp.
 * 51) ** Addressed
 * 52) *"Finn Galfridian appeared to be bored with life on Artorias." Can you state that he was definitely bored? In the Bio, you essentially do, and from you've described in the article, it sounds as though you can remvoe this "weasel word".
 * 53) ** Addressed
 * 54) *"since he had a dislike of shopping with his family unless it was for food." Any details on why he liked shopping for food?
 * 55) ** Addressed. I decided to remove that line as it was rather mundane.
 * 56) *Overall good work, just watch your linking. I think I fixed it all, so that likely satisfy Nayayen's objection, though you should make sure.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:44, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ** Thanks  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:27, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) Attack of the Clone
 * 59) *Please start off the body with Finn. It sounds too storybookish otherwise.
 * 60) *If there's enough info, "destroying the planet of Sernpidal in the process" and "sabotaged by a Yuuzhan Vong agent" both need to be linked.
 * 61) *Please work in a mention somehow that Prowl went with Finn to the Jedi academy.
 * 62) *Why was Finn "frozen"?
 * 63) *Please reword the colloquial "developed a crush." It's extremely un-encyclopedic.
 * 64) *Are you sure that the "Great" in Kyp Duron's quote is capitalized?
 * 65) *Make sure that you keep him regularly updated. The next Invasion issue is coming out in just three days.  CC7567  (talk) 18:51, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) *Improperly sourced info and extremely bad grammar in "Battle of Rychel." PointGiven, I seriously recommend that you wait until the comics are done before promoting this, because this is how it's going to be every time unless you can get the comics first and update it on your own. I myself will not be able to support it otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 07:22, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I feel that I musk ask: are you 100% sure you wanna do this? Because you will most likely have to update it every month for several years. Oh, and the second issue is already out.  Mauser  Comlink 21:55, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, I want to get it to GA status at least. I figure I'll wait awhile before I FAN any of the Galfridians.  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 23:31, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Just a note, due to shipping issues, I won't be able to receive Star Wars Invasion 3: Refugees, Part 3 until Friday, so anyone can feel free to update his biography if you get the issue earlier than I do  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 16:32, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Unless you're willing to do all of the work and keep it updated as soon as each new issue comes out, it's going to be a tough review process for you, and the article isn't even meeting Rule 5 of being stable. Another user has also added unsourced content to the article, and if you can't verify it yourself, I would recommend that you wait until all the issues are out before you promote this article.  CC7567  (talk) 23:00, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * After thinking it over I agree with CC7567 and Mauser and I'll withdraw both Finn and Caled Galfridian from GA nominations until Invasion either finishes or goes on hiatus.  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:11, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)
 * 1) Per nominator's request above to wait until the article is more stable with less frequent appearances.  CC7567  (talk) 06:46, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Per nominator's request.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:37, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Caled Galfridian

 * Nominated by:  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 03:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of my Galfridian Project

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 15:27, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:43, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Intro needs a major expansion
 * 3) * I see a lot of play by play detail that is not needed. Try to go back and remove any irrelevant information, or just minor details.
 * 4) * Like Finn, I see a lot of underlinking problems. Any new subject that appears in the intro and main body, in this case his bio, must be linked. i.e, Hoth or Rebel Alliance. During my copyedit, I linked a couple of subjects.
 * 5) * "They were herded into a Yuuzhan Vong slaveship and imprisoned." Merge this with the previous sentence and identify "they".
 * 6) * "Caled ruled an idyllic planet that was so peaceful that it did not even possess a rudimentary defense force." "they" is repetitive. Also, try to reword this sentence. "that was so peace that it did not even possess a rudimentary defense force". Quite confusing, possibly it is the repetition of "they"
 * 7) * "The king and his rushed towards the marketplace to find Caled's wife Nina and daughter Kaye." "the king and his rushed"? Reword
 * 8) * P&T-"However, Caled also showed responsibility towards his people." Try to mention this eariler in the P&T.
 * 9) *P&T- "When the Yuuzhan Vong invaded Artorias, Caled's first action was to rush to the marketplace in order to save his wife and daughter. He personally ordered the Artorians in the marketplace to retreat to the hangar, and once inside, set about organizing a defense. When Luke Skywalker gave him the opportunity to evacuate the planet, Caled refused. He cited his duty as king to keep Artorias safe and wished to look for any signs of his wife and daughter. The king then organized a strike force to attack the Yuuzhan Vong directly." This paragraph just restates what happened in the bio. It is not needed in the P&T.
 * 10) * JangFett  Talk 16:42, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ** I think I got it all  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 23:47, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *** More to come.  JangFett  Talk 00:46, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Try it now  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 04:14, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *****After reviewing it for a second time, everything looks good :)  JangFett  Talk 15:27, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Nayayen is liking Invasion
 * 17) * Yet again (and worse than your others), linking issues. It seems to be a common objection to your noms so please do ask if you want some help.
 * 18) **I got what I could find, but I admit I do need some help so feel free to edit if you find any others (or just inform me and I'll take care of it)
 * 19) ***There were only a few left. I fixed a few sp/grammar errors also. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:43, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Can you mention Dulac anywhere?
 * 21) **Addressed
 * 22) * The flow and general grammar in the P&T is all over the place. Go through with a fine-toothed comb.
 * 23) **Addressed
 * 24) * "Powers and abilities" is only for Force sensitives. Use "Skills and abilities" for Caled.
 * 25) **Addressed
 * 26) * "using both of these to great effect" With regards to the thermal detonators, Finn said that they didn't have much effect.
 * 27) *Not quite as well-written as Finn but a good read nonetheless. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk 19:43, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **Thanks  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:10, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Attack of the Clone
 * 30) *There's a lot of intro-exclusive info, including his service in the Battle of Hoth, and the bio is reading like a summary of the issue with absolutely no background info. Please fix this.
 * 31) *"The last time the strike team was seen, they were engaging the Yuuzhan Vong in the surf." Seen by who? This sentence isn't being written from the right perspective; it needs to be focused on Caled, not anyone else.
 * 32) *Next time, please double-check the Manual of Style and Layout Guide. Per the latter, your "See also" section was unneeded because it was already linked in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *Next time, please double-check the Manual of Style and Layout Guide. Per the latter, your "See also" section was unneeded because it was already linked in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * After thinking it over I agree with CC7567 and Mauser and I'll withdraw both Finn and Caled Galfridian from GA nominations until Invasion either finishes or goes on hiatus.  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:11, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)
 * 1) Again, per nominator's request above to wait until the article is more stable with less frequent appearances.  CC7567  (talk) 06:46, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Per nominator's request.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:38, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: Bait

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:31, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One more for the OOU party

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) After numerous fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 12:54, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 01:23, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * First of all, split that giant paragraph up into two paragraphs.
 * 3) **Splitted
 * 4) * "Skywalker's Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano reports that they're approaching the ice field on schedule." Are you sure that she said "ice field"? Because, per the article, that field is on a planet and Skywalker, Kenobi, and Tano are in space. Clarify
 * 5) **Adressed.
 * 6) ***You must have misunderstood me. Could you double check the comic once more. The way you just added "in space" doesn't look right.
 * 7) ****Checked. She says the ice field. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****However, the way you add it in the text: "the ice field in space," it make sense here. So their is an ice field in space? Clarify.
 * 9) ******(hopefully) clarified. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Tano reveals that she thinks that it is a dumb plan and the Separatists will never fall for it." What is the plan?
 * 11) **Expanded.
 * 12) * You mention that Skywalker dumps the fighter out into space but later on, Skywalker appears that he was in the fighter but you didn't mention it. Also, you mention that he brought along a "fraud" lightsaber, mention this early as well.
 * 13) **Added.
 * 14) ***Now you changed it. You say now Kenobi releases the fighter into space, however, you mentioned that Skywalker released it. Double check, don't just assume/speculate Lee.
 * 15) ****It's not stated who released the fighter. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *****No need to speculate then Lee. You can change the wording to "After the fighter was released in space...," though, Now you say the Twilight released it. I would recommend not mentioning whom released the fighter, since it isn't mentioned in the comic.
 * 17) ******Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * I'm seeing a repetition of "Skywalker," later on in the plot. i.e after, "In a hangar, battle droids orders the Jedi to come out of the fighter, because they are aware of his presence inside the fighter, due to the life-form scanning." Vary "Skywalker," you can use his respected Jedi title.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * JangFett  Talk 15:46, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:26, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Changing
 * 23) * Per The Clone Wars: Headgames, it is now recommended that OOU comics shouldn't switch the tense of the sentence in the intro. Feel free to see what QuiGon had done, as it looks much better than the past approved TCW OOU comic GAs.
 * 24) **Not seeing a change.
 * 25) ***Whiy change ? It looks exactly like Headgames.
 * 26) ****Lee, no it does not. Look at the first sentence from the intro in Headgames and compare it to Bait.
 * 27) *****Sorry, I've got my dies ater today. Fixed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:46, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Per Headgames, it is now recommended that you should have the BtS of an OOU comic as this,
 * 29) **a) What it is, what it ties into, and who made it.
 * 30) ***Fixed.
 * 31) **b) What happens in it.
 * 32) ***Fixed.
 * 33) **c) Miscellanea like the Easter egg.
 * 34) ***No miscellanea.
 * 35) * Instead of dividing the BtS, as well as, adding an "Developing section," Graestan also mentioned that the BtS should have two total paragraphs, one for the OOU information and one pertaining to the actual content of the subject (including the Easter egg).
 * 36) * JangFett  Talk 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Fixed. Thanks for the info. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) Mauser:
 * 39) * Watch the referencing. You have a link called "The Clone Wars online comic page 86" that actually leads to page 69; the link called "The Clone Wars archives-eleventh page" which leads to seventh page of the archives.
 * 40) **How can that be corrected ?
 * 41) ***To correct that, don't just copy-paste from other articles, do a little wiki-formatting yourself.
 * 42) ****Think, It's done. (I hope so)
 * 43) *****I see that you didn't even touch it.
 * 44) ******Need some help with this
 * 45) *******Took some time but corrected. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:28, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "illustrated and lettered by Grant Gould, with art drawn also by Gould." - Uh? Why repeat the same statement twice?
 * 47) **Where is this ?
 * 48) ***I removed that mysekf during the copy-edit =)
 * 49) * Context for Twilight.
 * 50) **Added.
 * 51) ***Old? Spice freighter? You have sources for that? "Skywalker's personal freighter" should do.
 * 52) ****Fixed.
 * 53) * "due to the fact he wants to infiltrate the frigate of Confederate Head of State Count Dooku." - erm, Skywalker doesn't say that.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) ***He didn't say anything about his intentions directly.
 * 56) ****Fixed.
 * 57) * "Tano tells Skywalker that his plan of sneaking on the Separatist ship is a dumb." - rewrite it to look less POV. "She expresses her opinion about the plan" or something like that.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) * "However, Skywalker calms her down" - she wasn't angry pr something, why "calm down". Also, why "however"?
 * 60) **Adressed.
 * 61) * "The fighter is then realeased in space, with Skywalker onboard." - you don't mention the broken hyperdrive ring? You don't mention that the fighter appears to be damaged?
 * 62) **That was my fault, I fixed it.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "Prior to boarding the fighter, Skywalker left his lightsaber on the Twilight and took a fraud lightsaber with him." - If it's prior, that it must be told prior, not after.
 * 64) **Same comment as above.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Is there a particular reason why you're using dialogue instead of quote? The second one would look better IMO.
 * 66) **I personally thinks it looks better.
 * 67) * "tells the droids that he is just waiting on an invitation." - now, that part is too trivial.
 * 68) **A part to what ?
 * 69) ***You don't need to retell every single peace of dialogue.
 * 70) ****Fixed.
 * 71) * "while he dons a spacesuit to rescue Skywalker" - that alone would suffice for a rescue? Also, resquing wasn't their intent all along, they were going after Dooku.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) ***Nothing changed in that part.
 * 74) ****It is never stated in the comic that they were after Dooku. Also what do you mean with the first ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:51, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ****I mean that putting a spacesuit on alone will not rescue Skywalker. Also, if something is not in the comic, while it is in the summary?
 * 76) *****Fixed.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:32, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ******Oh, come on! "He dons the spacesuit and goes into space" - that's really choppy. Lee, no offense. but you need to work on your english.
 * 78) *******Better ?
 * 79) ********Except for he doesn't leave Twilight in the comic.
 * 80) *********Hope it's now fine. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:38, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) **********Come on, Lee, check the comic again. He does not leave anywhere in it!
 * 82) ***********Right
 * 83) * "At the end of the comic, Obi-Wan Kenobi came to rescue him" - Oh, he hadn't came yet.
 * 84) **Where is this ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:40, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Tucker

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:02, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An occasionally clone, ca. 450 words. Sorry CC

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kreivi Wolter 18:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *Intro is still too similiar to Axe. Mind rewriting some of it?
 * 3) **Better ?
 * 4) * The first three paragraphs of his bio are very similiar, or better yet, exactly the same as Axe. Please rewrite them.
 * 5) **Better ?
 * 6) * "Soon, Tucker was under attack under a bunch Vulture droids and he was shot down, perishing over Ryloth." "a bunch" is too colloquial. Rephrase.
 * 7) **Changed, to a group.
 * 8) * Lee, I'm still seeing an resemblance to Axe. You can rewrite Tucker's bio in your own words instead of copying from the Axe article. I know Tucker had a small role, and his role was similiar to that of Axe's, however, copying an article is unprofessional and frowned upon. If you need help, don't hesitate to ask. Once you're done with rewriting sections within Tucker's bio, I'll give it a copyedit and list objections if needed.  JangFett  Talk 05:11, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **It is now better ? If not contact me. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:49, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Minor expanding
 * 11) * At least one quote?
 * 12) **Don't have them in English.
 * 13) ***Are you sure? I haven't saw the episode for a while, but I do remember that all clones of Blue Squadron reported to Ahsoka before they launched their attack.--Kreivi Wolter 17:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Well, the problem is that i have the quotes only in German and not in English. So i need them in English, because a translation would not be correct.
 * 15) *****I see. Hopefully someone will add them in future.--Kreivi Wolter 18:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *" However he was overwhelmed by the mass of Vulture droids during the battle of Ryloth and killed." This just repeat the info given in biography. It should be rewrite to something like "However, he wasn't able to..." or so on. --Kreivi Wolter 05:40, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Fixed.
 * 18) * Techno Union Foreman Emir??? --Kreivi Wolter 17:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Removed emir. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:19, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:22, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) Attack of the Clone
 * 22) * For starts, as I've maintained for months now, there is absolutely no way to tell which clones died in the episode, which is what you have his death sourced to, besides Axe. This is not the first time I've had to tell you to "make sure that the information you provide is properly attributable to your sources."  CC7567  (talk) 01:34, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Sorry, CC. Corrected.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:09, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***You've done nothing about this, there are still mentions of his "death" in the article.
 * 25) ****CC in the episode guide it stands that he is killed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:36, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *****Ahsoka's squadron starts to become overwhelmed. Tucker's fighter is blown away by droid fighters. Here is the source. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:39, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ******...That was NaruHina who said that, not me.  CC7567  (talk) 19:53, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *******Sorry for the confusion. XP NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) "My Name is O'Malley!"
 * 30) * "He served in in Blue Squadron, a Republic starfighter unit led, using the callsign "Blue Five" and participated in the Battle of Ryloth around 22 BBY." After I changed the latter part, adding a comma, I made this more obvious but the sentence cut at "led."
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * Overlinking and underlinking.
 * 33) **Fixed.
 * 34) * "the leading cruiser of the blockade" move this to when you give context on Tuuk, to extrapolate why they were specifically going after his ship.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * No mention is made of the Republic until the final paragraph of the Bio. This should be moved to when you talk about clone troopers.
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) * "Tano finally obeyed" Why did she obey?
 * 39) **Adressed.
 * 40) ***Nothing's changed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Done.
 * 42) *****She turned back because of that and some of her squad died. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ******Done.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:50, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *******I'll take this down to Part 2 NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:36, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * There is no mention of the Separatist reinfocements in the Bio.
 * 46) * The image doesn't say which fighter is Tucker's.
 * 47) **I worded that objection badly. I fixed this one myself. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:47, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "However, he wasn't able to defeat the mass of Vulture droids during the battle of Ryloth and was overwhelmed and killed." Double "and." As well, this is choppy. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:11, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Fixed.
 * 50) ***This is still poorly worded, but I won't fix it because this is another reference to his death.
 * 51) ****Fixed.
 * 52) *Think I get them all. Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:09, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **It's not fininshed yet. I've still got more Tucker quotes I have to use :P NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) Fett will look again.
 * 55) * Lee, I'm still not satisfied with this article because it still completely resembles Axe. However, I'll give it another review.
 * 56) * You must include that Tucker was "Born on Kamino" in both the intro and bio.
 * 57) **Fixed.
 * 58) *Lee, please read the third and forth paragraphs in the bio. You mention Skywalker and Yularen ordered Blue Squadron to retreat two times. This is the result from copying from another article. Please go back and correct this.
 * 59) **Fixed.
 * 60) ***Still remains.
 * 61) *"Tano finally obeyed, seeing the Republic forces trapped and her squadron attacked and turned back toward the Resolute, as more Separatist fire attacked the Republic Venator-class Star Destroyers." Finally obeyed? While you did not mention that Ahsoka disobeyed previously, "Finally" doesn't work here.
 * 62) **Fixed.
 * 63) ***"Tano obeyed, seeing the Republic forces trapped and her squadron attacked and turned back toward the Star Destroyer." Quite confusing. While "and" is repetitive in this awkwardly phrased sentence, you are adding too much of Ahsoka's poi than the general squadron. Due to Tucker being a relativity unknown character during the space battle, you should just state "Tano obeyed, and the squadron..." or something similiar, in your own words of course.
 * 64) *"Blue Squadron was then at, seeing that the Republic forces had no change, tacked by a group Vulture droids and he was shot down, perishing over Ryloth." Improper English, please reword this sentence.
 * 65) **Fixed.
 * 66) ***" As more Vulture droid fire attacked the Republic Venator-class Star Destroyers, Blue Squadron was attacked by a group Vulture droids and Tucker was shot down, perishing over Ryloth." "Vulture droid" is repetitive. Please, Lee, double check and reread your paragraphs. I'm still seeing a repetition of already mentioned facts, such as: "Blue squadron under attack by Vulture droids." and "Skywalker and Yularen ordered Blue squadron to retreat." Please double check. Also, it is unclear to how many Vulture droid groups there were. You mention one group attacking the Star Destroyers and another attacking Blue squadron.
 * 67) *P&T-"Despite his pilot training, he was unable to escape death when his squadron encountered a mass of Vulture droids that opened fire on them during the Battle of Ryloth." "that opened fire?" "On them?" Please clarify. Who opened fire on what and who is "them?"
 * 68) **"Despite his pilot training, he was unable to escape death when his squadron encountered a mass of Vulture droids, which opened fire on the squadron during the Battle of Ryloth." I understand that he was unable to escape death, however, after "a mass of Vulture droids," the ending of the sentence is rather confusing. "Which" needs to be replaced.
 * 69) **Fixed.
 * 70) *The entire BtS is rather confusing. Please rephrase the entire paragraph. You should mention "Tucker was first featured in Storm over Ryloth," rather than beginning the BtS with the series name.
 * 71) **Fixed.
 * 72) ***Still remains.
 * 73) *More to come.
 * 74) **Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 07:50, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ***No problem, Lee.  JangFett  Talk 01:17, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) They could be captured. Or dead. Or captured and dead. GASP! Or captured AND dead!
 * 77) *That Tano retreated only after her squadmates, and Tucker's, were killed is important, it should be included. As the sentence stands now, it is also a double "and."
 * 78) *"Soon, more Munificent-class frigates as reinforcements joined Tuuk's blockade, neutralizing Blue Squadron's attack run." This reads very awkwardly.
 * 79) *"After the Republic force had been caught in a trap..." What trap?
 * 80) *"Blue Squadron was attacked by a group Vulture droids and Tucker was shot down..." The sentence before this establishes that Blue Squadron was attacked. The sentence here is just a restating of the sentence prior, actually. Rephrase.
 * 81) *"Don't Ever Be Alone." "He's making that wierd voice again!" NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:36, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Lee, before I begin, I would like to know why you copied nearly the entire Axe article. I'm seeing you replaced "Axe" with "Tucker" for the most part.  JangFett  Talk 23:03, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *First, I didn't copied the article. I took it as a assist. Second. If you want I rewrite it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:52, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Well Lee, I would like you to partially rewrite some of the battle because it is based on Axe helping Ahsoka, that's how I wrote the Axe article. Replacing "Axe" with "Tucker" isn't going to help anything. While I see a sentence or two changed to fit in with what Tucker did in the episode, I still see a huge resemblance to Axe.  JangFett  Talk 15:04, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ***Regardless of whether you used Axe for "assistance", Lee, copying others' work is both unprofessional and unoriginal and does not have a place on this wiki. Please rewrite the article.  CC7567  (talk) 08:13, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ****I rewrote it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:29, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: The Fall of Falleen

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 19:53, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another webcomic. I really hope you aren't tired of them yet.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Possibly add a quote for the summary, but other than that, Great work :)  JangFett  Talk 20:27, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *What "city"? Just because this is a summary of the comic, don't skip out on necessary descriptive detail. Don't assume anyone has read this comic to know what is going on: "A battle droid reports to General Grievous, Supreme Commander of the Droid Armies, that the city has fallen"
 * 3) **Funny, but the comic doesn't specify what city it is, not does it imply that it's the capital. Will the change to "a city" be sufficient?
 * 4) *This isn't an objection, but I'm starting to get tired of reading the exact same thing in every one of these OOU TCW articles. The breaking point for copy and pasting content from one article to the next is going to come sooner than later. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:16, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Personally I try to introduce some variety, but the articles by the very nature are very similar - with the exception of the summary part of course. Thanks for the look.  Mauser  Comlink 01:30, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Facepalm. Forgot the quote. Fixed now, thanks for the review, Jang.  Mauser  Comlink 20:35, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I don't mean to pick on this particular article, because it's the same in all the recent flurry of webcomic GANs, but the coverage of this is really minimalist. I know this is GA and it's only a short webcomic, but it pales in comparison to some of our other OOU works articles, and I think it could be more in depth and fleshed out, better researched, blah blah blah. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:58, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Well, it's a really short webcomic with little to no background or production info available. Actually I did some research - checked both TFN and Dark Horse forum threads for the webcomics, where VIPs are known to post. And in case of some other comics it did reveal some new info (see issues 1, 3 and 5). But in this case - nothing more can be said. If you show me some new sources and/or links, I'd be happy to research them.  Mauser  Comlink 00:45, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Tol Skaros

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 20:15, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Whiphid dark Jedi

(2 ACs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Please remember that "the Force" has a capital F.  CC7567  (talk) 01:47, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:58, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Does Child of Light state that the average height for a Whiphid is 1.6 meters? If not, you need to source that bit to something else in P&T.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:52, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes, it does say that 1.6 meters is the average height of a Whiphid--Jinzler 12:45, September 3, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * No P&A, as there is no information in the source about what his powers were --Jinzler 20:15, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Added .  Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  20:39, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I skillfully forgot about that --Jinzler 20:45, 23 August 2009 (UTC)

Hok Daragon

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:15, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Mustache-tastic.

(3 ACs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Tom Skerritt.  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:27, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:47, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Watch linking, please...  CC7567  (talk) 01:57, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Is there any reason why you don't list his eye color in the infobox? Judging by the image I'd say they're brown. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:14, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 15:15, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Rhondi Tremaine

 * Nominated by:--Darth Niffoc 21:47, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Some new Abyss stuff

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 21:50, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Is this the Maw Irregular Fleet, Maw fleet, or something else entirely that we're talking about here? Please link it properly instead of to redirects.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Please link the destruction of Centerpoint Station.
 * 5) **I'm sorry but I couldn't find an article on the destruction of Centerpoint, and the Station is already linked so.....
 * 6) ***If it doesn't have an article, it should. I'm not asking you to create an article for it (though ideally, you should at least create a stub for it), just to link it. That means if you don't create the article, it will remain a redlink.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****I'm sure this will make me sound like some half asleep coffeephobic lunatic, but as far as I know there are no redlinks in this article.
 * 8) *****I mean for you to add a link in the article to Battle of Centerpoint Station or Destruction of Centerpoint Station or something.  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ******I have done this, but I would like to point out that the Battle of Centerpoint Station isn't the same as its destruction they're about five or ten years apart.....Yeah I'm a geek.
 * 10) *******...........I did write a stub, but somebody must have erased it. I'm sorry but it appears I can't really do this.........
 * 11) ********It would appear that Battle of Centerpoint Station (Second Galactic Civil War) is what you are looking for. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  17:38, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *********"That's it!!"--Charlie Brown Christmas....Hey thanks Nayayen, that would be exactly what I was looking for. Anyway, now this is finally Addressed.
 * 13) * "Rhondi was killed while one of the Sith sliced open a sealed door." Please check this; the sentence should clarify how she died, not what was happening "while" she died.
 * 14) **Technically, if you read the end of the Bio, you see I actually do say how she dies. The Sith slices through the door and pierces Rhondi.  Anyway I rewrote to clarify a little more.
 * 15) * Please somehow combine the first two Bio subsections. They don't balance with the longer third.
 * 16) **Addressed
 * 17) * "had terrible aches to return to their homes": "longings" or something else would be a better word choice here, if I'm understanding the context correctly.
 * 18) **Addressed
 * 19) * "After Luke had gone Beyond Shadows": first, please vary the sentences that start with "after", and second, the "gone Beyond Shadows" is rather awkward wording.
 * 20) **Addressed
 * 21) * "Rhondi rushed to the sealed door and began pounding on it, contrary to the Skywalkers' warnings." How so? You don't state their "warnings", so I can't tell if she acted on the contrary to them or not.
 * 22) **Addressed
 * 23) *"Though it is unknown if they were twins": next time, please do not state what is "unknown" for an IU character or article. I've removed it, but all of your future nominations should not have anything like it.
 * 24) * "Contrary to the Mind Walkers' belief that nothing mattered except the Force, not even death." Please check this sentence; it's choppy, and I can't tell which sentence it's supposed to be linked to.  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Addressed
 * 26) ***You still haven't merged the two sentence clauses, and it's still extremely choppy. Please take note of this; I saw a lot of these errors when I was copyediting. Here's what it should read as: "Eventually, she struck a deal with Ben to save Rolund's life, even though the Mind Walkers believed that nothing mattered except the Force, not even death." I'll leave it up to you to tweak it further if you so wish.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****I have changed it to the above sentence. The only reason I had a lot of sentences like that was the last time I did this I was told I had too many run-ons so those errors were only precautions.
 * 28) *****If you're trying to be cautions, please don't do it to the point where you create other problems. Make sure you know what a run-on sentence is; merging them as you did is not a run-on. If you left the two sentences the way they were, they would not have been run-ons, but they would still be grammatically incorrect.  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * In the intro, please clarify how she suddenly came to be in a sealed room. It jumps out of nowhere with no explanation.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **Addressed
 * 31) ***You still need to get in how Rhondi was killed in the intro; it jumps right from her mind-walking to her death, and as far as we know at the point of her death, she's still "Beyond Shadows."  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ****Addressed
 * 33) * "To insure their safety": whose safety? The Mind Walkers'? The Skywalkers'?  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) The Grand Master
 * 36) *I see nothing in the book that indicates that she and Rolund were "almost identical".
 * 37) **I got that from page 170 "An IV?", Rolund asked, his frown mirroring Rhondi's so precisely that it unsettled Ben. He still hadn't established whether they were twins or just regular siblings, but sometimes they seemed as close as Killiks.
 * 38) ***Just because she frowned in the same way as her brother does not mean they were "nearly identical".
 * 39) *Please add that she was born in the Maw colony.
 * 40) *There is nothing in the novel to indicate that the Tremaines were born "between 10 and 25 ABY".
 * 41) **That was my best estimate for a few reasons. It says  Daala established the colony at the end of the warlord era, sometime between 10 and 25 ABY.  And if the Tremaines were going to serve in a highly efficient spy network they had to be at least in their twenties.  Then a decade goes by so they are at least in their thirties by the time they go to Sinkhole station in 42 ABY.  so I figured through logic that they had to be born in this time frame.  But it doesn't actually give us the date in the book, just the logic.  So I will remove this if you want.
 * 42) ***Everything you just said is complete speculation; for example, people don't have to be in their twenties to serve as spies, talented kids could do that, too. Please don't add anything to articles based on "your best estimate"; only facts from the sources. And the only thing the novel says about their age is that they were the youngest Mind Walkers. Seeing as none of the other Mind Walkers are given an exact age, nothing can be determined about their age without speculating on the matter.
 * 43) *In the intro: what sealed door?
 * 44) *Please paraphrase "assignments varying from gathering information to subverting security on vessels for appropriation", "so efficient", "expose them", "deserting en masse", as these are almost the exact wordings used in the novel.
 * 45) *Please add context on Mind Walkers for their first mention in the bio.
 * 46) *"On one of their visits, the siblings learned from Ben that Luke's hydration tube kept falling from his mouth and that Ben was going to put Luke on an IV. When he caught a worried glance between Rhondi and Rolund, Ben realized someone was removing it. Rhondi explained that the Force would sustain Luke, and he didn't need food. When Ben pressed further, Rhondi admitted that they were eating his food only to help him realize he didn't need it, only the Force." This seems to be largely written from Ben's point of view, as opposed to Rhondi's.
 * 47) *IIRC, Rhondi and Rolund stole food from the Jade Shadow to prove to Ben that he didn't need food to survive, not because they were malnourished.
 * 48) *It wasn't really a "deal" in the sense that you seem to imply; Ben forced Rhondi to protect him as they went beyond shadows to ensure that he didn't die there, because, if he did, then Rolund would die. Please correct this.
 * 49) *Why did Ben shackle Rhondi with stun cuffs?
 * 50) *"Across the lake in the mists, they could see a woman who was trying to draw them to her. Luke decided to talk to the woman, and Rhondi guided the Skywalkers toward the figure, warning them to stay immediately behind her lest they fall into the depths, where they couldn't be saved. Along the way, Rhondi watched as the Skywalkers talked to Anakin Solo, Mara Jade Skywalker, and Jacen Solo. When the three returned to their physical bodies..." Why didn't they continue on their way to see the woman? Why did they decide to return to their bodies?
 * 51) *You say Beyond Shadow, or even "Beyond Shadows" often; in the novel, it is written as beyond shadows, with no quotation marks or capitals. I believe I have fixed these, but be careful of this in the future.
 * 52) *Please add context (just a bit) for Anakin Solo, Mara Jade, and the Lake of Apparitions in the bio.
 * 53) *You have no mention of Seek Ryontarr or Feryl, both of whom were with the Skywalkers and Rhondi beyond shadows, and both of whom interacted with Rhondi. (i.e. Ryontarr was upset that she had made the bargain with Ben)
 * 54) *The novel doesn't say anything to indicate that Rhondi told the Skywalkers that they had seen Force ghosts. Also, there is some information missing in the article about her talk with the Skywalkers after returning from beyond shadows. Please review this section of the novel and add the missing info.
 * 55) *Why did Rhondi rush to and begin pounding on the door?
 * 56) *In the P&t: Ben wasn't going to kill Rolund, just use him as leverage; Rhondi didn't strike a deal with Ben to save Rolund's life. Ben forced her to ensure that he survived beyond shadows by locking Rolund in a room, so that if they stayed beyond shadows too long or if he died beyond shadows then Rolund would also eventually die.
 * 57) *Something should be added about her appearance in the P&t.
 * 58) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:50, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * This had some junk in it. But I cleaned it out, so if it wasn't actually ready before, it is now.--Darth Niffoc 20:21, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Unless you're asked to otherwise, please put all quotes outside of punctuation.  CC7567  (talk) 21:50, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Sorry Jonjedigrandmaster but I will start cracking on your objections tomorrow or the next day as I am slightly busy...--Darth Niffoc 18:19, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Timar Daragon

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:48, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Paraphrase more. This cannot read exactly like Hok Daragon. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I don't exactly see how this is a problem; all the info on her is included, and the only thing that really distinguishes them is that one is male and one is female. They're together for the entirety of the comic.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 15:17, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Kirrek (Unification Wars)

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:47, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ.

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:49, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) *"to unify the seven worlds of the Koros system" occurs in two sentences consecutively. Please vary it up.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *Is the quote in the aftermath section meant to be "your battle meditation"? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:41, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Yes.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 15:18, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Wruq Retk

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:56, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More Abyss/WP:LE

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks clean. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:16, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 19:55, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:52, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "In 43.5 ABY, the Jedi Council acquired a document granting them access to the blockhouse to see the two Knights." Specifically, who were "they"? (If you're referring to the Council, please check your subject/plural agreement.)
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *Daala strangely comes to the rescue on this one. Hmm.  CC7567  (talk) 03:01, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 11:58, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Voren

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 13:27, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A KOTOR-era Sith

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 03:10, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thank God somebody spruced up this article. Nice job, Jinzler!--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:23, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:56, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:12, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * There are no quotes in the source, unfortunately
 * Hopefully, he and Darth Bandon remain the only KotOR-era Sith to use the Darth title other than Revan and Malak.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:23, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Arabelle Lorteli

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:17, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor Abyss character

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Allright.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:23, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 20:00, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:50, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:46, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "She seemed to have a firmly anti-Jedi sentiment": please detail how; otherwise, it's speculation.  CC7567  (talk) 03:43, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Better? Thanks again, CC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 12:00, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Did a slight more rewording; it was still a bit speculative. It's best to let the reader interpret her actions as anti-Jedi.  CC7567  (talk) 20:00, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Just one thing: I can't remember, but was it actually confirmed that the Jedi used a mind trick to convince her to sign the document granting them access to the blockhouse? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:27, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Well, the Jedi never outright said, "We used a mind trick on her", but yeah, the dialogue for the quote in the P&t, as well as the dialogue afterwards (on pg 212, if you want to check), really leaves no question that they did (they go on to taunt Daala for hiring "weak-minded judges, and she mocks them in turn for their disregard for the law). I can remove it if you really think it's too speculative, but first I'd reread pages 211-213, which leave no doubt in my mind they used a mind trick on Lorteli. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:35, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Hmm, I'm not sure about this. While it the dialogue does seem to indicate that Lorteli was Force-persuaded, it still is speculation. I'm gonna think about this for a bit. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:39, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not an objection, but do you think it might be a good idea to elaborate on how the Jedi essentially caught Daala calling her judge weak-minded?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:54, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * Hmm. I could try, but to do so I would have to bring in a lot of detail that sways from the subject of Lorteli. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:06, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * I could add the following to the end of the second Bio paragraph: "Daala arrived on the scene shortly after the Jedi found the Horns, and insulted the Jedi for their disregard for the law by using mind tricks. The Jedi, however, pointed out that there should not be weak-minded judges in the courts, and journalist Javis Tyrr, one of the many members of the press who had come with the Jedi to the blockhouse, added that it was Lorteli who had signed the document. He then asked if it was true that Daala had been the one to appoint Lorteli, and the Chief of State confirmed this, adding that she believed Lorteli to be competent." My main concern is that this doesn't really add to Lorteli's character, more to Daala, Tyrr, and the Jedi. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 04:03, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Porporite

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 08:15, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Some Dan Wallace goodness

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 03:54, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:26, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) It's got my vote.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 05:36, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:36, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) You know I like cetaceans. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:39, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) What I could find...
 * 2) *Intro
 * 3) **"It whipped them into a homicidal frenzy" This seems a bit... POVish, or prosey.  Not sure which.
 * 4) **"They withstood everything" This too. While I'm not denying that the sources said that, it just seems a bit... prosey.  Or something.  It seems more like what I'd see on an SWF GAN than on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) *That's all I could find, aside from minor things which I tackled while I was there.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 06:37, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Addressed. --Eyrezer 08:25, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 8) *The NEC doesn't say it was neighboring species who hired the Ganks, but rather that it was "various factions". Does one of the other sources clarify that it was species who put out the hit on them? ~ SavageBob 15:35, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Yes. According to the CSWE, "Gank killers were hired by concerned neighbouring species to eliminate the Porporite threat". I added in an extra ref tag to clarify the source of this. --Eyrezer 21:49, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * I copy edited and made a few changes you can revert without worrying about hurting my feelings. ;)
 * In real-world writing, talking about "discovering" new peoples is considered POV, since it implies a perspective from the POV of the "discoverers" (like Columbus with the Native Americans, who had already "discovered" themselves). Then again, this is Star Wars, so revert if you'd like. :)
 * I wanted to make it clear that the homicidal frenzy thing is a species-specific reaction to ryll, but there may be some other way to clarify this better.
 * Not a copy edit, but aren't the Kallidahin cetaceans? We don't need to list every last cetacean species in the BTS, but one more might be OK. ~ SavageBob 15:35, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * I thought about that one but didn't have the source at hand to check it. I may add it in later when I get a chance. --Eyrezer 06:04, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

Jilruan

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 01:06, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: When The Atlas and Starcrash combine

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks good! ~ SavageBob 00:49, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 04:08, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  JangFett  Talk 11:21, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:52, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Looks good to me.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 05:38, September 3, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) What I could find...
 * 2) *Biology and appearance
 * 3) ** "A towering and war-like species, the Jilruans had two upper limbs that ended in five-fingered hands." This sentence is worded a bit strangely, almost implying that the Jilruans had more than two arms.
 * 4) ***I've worded it this way because we have no idea how many or if they have legs. Their lower bodies are covered by robes. --Eyrezer 12:20, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Ah, makes sense, then.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 05:38, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *That was pretty much it. Anything else was minor copyedit stuff that I tackled.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 06:30, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) The wording at the end of the intro implies that the droid destroyed all of the Jilruans everywhere, whereas in the bio it seems it just crushed some attendants; please clarify. Other than that, great work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:43, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Addressed. --Eyrezer 20:47, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) A Society and culture section laying out that they lived in servitude would be appropriate. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:16, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *The Atlas doesn't actually say anything about servitude.--Eyrezer 02:35, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **The wording could use a tweak, then, because that is the impression I am given by the article. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:46, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***They were conquered by the Hutts and individual Jilruans work in various roles, but they are never identified as a subservient like the Klatoonians, Nikto etc are. Your proposed section would add nothing to the article, and the current wording is correct. --Eyrezer 05:37, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****"Having been conquered by the Hutt species, they served Hutts, t'landa Til, and Yahk-Tosh in various roles."
 * 14) ****"Their desert homeworld was conquered millennia prior to the Battle of Yavin by the Hutt species, becoming part of Hutt Space. They were integrated into Hutt society as gladiators, retainers, and attendants for not only their Hutt overlords but t'landa Til and Yahk-Tosh as well."
 * 15) ****This wording really makes it sound as though the Jilruans as a species were indentured to the Hutts and their allies. It should be more specific if anything in order to keep it from appearing that way if it isn't the case. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:03, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ridge

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:36, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More clones, a minor background character from the Clone Wars film

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 18:15, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:38, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) *"Upon touching down on Teth in their Low Altitude Assault Transports, the battle droid forces stationed on a mesa opened fire, forcing the gunships to land." If they've already touched down, then they've already landed. Do you mean "upon arriving at Teth"? Please fix this.
 * 3) *"In the end, Rotta was rescued but all except six clone troopers of Torrent Company had died." "In the end" is not very encyclopedic. Please reword.
 * 4) *In the intro you say that the hyperspace routes to which they were trying to gain access were controlled by Jabba, but you don't mention this in the bio.
 * 5) *"The gunships were fired upon by the droid forces, forcing them to land under the monastery and climb up the cliff." This makes it sound like the gunships were forced to climb up the cliff. Please reword for clarity.
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Jeroen Webb

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:56, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Rebel Echo Base officer. 464 easy words.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 04:45, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 11:18, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:11, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:14, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Naru
 * 2) *Maybe context on the Raltiir underground.
 * 3) *In the Bio, why would giving the plans to Leia be important, why is she important? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:01, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **I'm assuming your first objection is referencing the intro. I've added "Rebel" to specify the underground's cause. For the second objection, I've added a little bit to include Leia's involvement with the Rebel Alliance, which should make it more clear, but Webb's group did not exactly deliver the plans to her. They delivered "information," and as a result the plans were later captured at the Battle of Toprawa. Branching off on Leia's role/importance in Operation: Skyhook would just be extraneous detail, I fear. Everything relevant to Webb is included. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Skippy
 * 6) * I don't know if we can be sure but here and here I've found autographed images of Jeroen Webb by Treat Williams. Williams apparently has taken credit for roles played by others before (see his entry). I'm not sure whether this is the case now, or he played Webb. But I think either case would deserve a BtS mention if it can be proved; else, maybe mentioning: "Actor Treat Williams is known to autograph images of Webb, but as of now he has not been unambiguously identified with the character". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:37, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Yes, this is all very interesting. I was hesitant at first, but I must admit Jeroen Webb does look like Treat Williams, and this is probably the character he portrayed. I'll think of a nice way to word this into the BTS and get back to you on it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Ok, added Treat Williams info to BTS. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:02, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) No quotes?!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:50, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * There are no quotes, so please don't ask. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:56, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * ;)  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:50, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Zandor Rocker

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 03:24, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: These are what grow out of Mount Sorrow's tears. And yours. ~ SavageBob 03:24, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:45, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:48, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:35, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:34, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:57, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Let's rock (Incredibly lame pun, but I just had to say it).
 * 2) * You say that A Rocker's body and head formed one unit. but a Rocker says And would you mind getting off my head? So the Rockers had heads, even if they are not easily identifiable by Ewoks? Or maybe they only believed they have heads?
 * 3) * Could you add context about why Teebo and Wicket were enemies of Gantu?
 * 4) * Do Rockers have individual names?
 * 5) * That's all.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Good catches. I've fixed your first and second points, but we don't know if they have names from the comic they appear in, unfortunately. ~ SavageBob 14:41, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ogre

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 19:09, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And another Ewoks species. No whammies, no whammies, stop! ~ SavageBob 19:09, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:25, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:22, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Can't find anything to object. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:42, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Ixgil

 * Nominated by: SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:01, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Thanks to Cylka for all her help with my KotOR noms.

(2 ACs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:24, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:11, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Is there an article for the battle in which The Endar Spire was destroyed? If not, please make one, and link it.
 * 3) **Indeed there is. Done.
 * 4) * "Several days afterwards, the apartments were the subject of a raid conducted by a Human soldier and two battle droids. When Ixgil complained about the Sith's frequent raids on the building" What frequent raids? You've only mentioned one.
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) * Is there an article for the raid on the apartment, (or at least the battle with Onasi and Revan afterwards)? If so, please link, and if not, please create one, and then link it.
 * 7) **Well, I'm not sure it deserves one. While we don't really have a notability clause for the KotOR games, I don't think it's any more important than a myriad of minor skirmishes that appear in the game, none of which have articles ATM.
 * 8) ***Fair enough.
 * 9) *I've fixed these, but be careful of overlinking, and remember not to link the subjects of quotes. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 04:22, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **I will. Thanks for the review. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:58, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) The statement in the infobox that Taris is his homeworld - is that an assumption that he was born there, or that he was a resident and hence it was his homeworld? I would be inclined to remove it if it is the latter. -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:33, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Yeah it is assumed that since he lives there, it is his homeworld, which I guess isn't always the case. I've removed it. Thanks for the review. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:20, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Been sitting on this one for a while. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:01, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

Dordi

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 05:18, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Barabel Jedi Knight from Abyss

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) My copy of Abyss should arrive soon. :D  JangFett  Talk 14:40, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:12, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) One thing - does the source explicitly state Dordi was from Barab I or is this conjecture based on the fact that she trained under Sebatyne? -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:06, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Conjecture. Removed, thanks for the review Cav. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:13, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Zal

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:23, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Dordi's counterpart, more Abyss/LE

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Great work, as always, Jonny. :)  JangFett  Talk 00:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified clone sergeant (unidentified planet)

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:40, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A quickie; it just felt strange to not have any nominations....

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Good work, Qui Gon. :)  JangFett  Talk 01:16, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Cannolite

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 07:58, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: So obscure, their homeworld isn't even in The Atlas...

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice and easy. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments