Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Coruscant Security Force/Legends (second nomination)

Coruscant Security Force

 * Nominated by: Coruscantfan 03:33, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second attempt

Support

 * 1) Good work.-- 02:07, July 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) SinisterSamurai 17:17, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:14, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Good man. We'll make a FA nominator out of you yet.--ID-21 Dolphin 12:54, September 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Bella&#39;Mia 04:12, September 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Excellent work! Keep at it. Menkooroo 01:19, November 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Meh, why not. Karohalva 16:13, December 5, 2010 (UTC)

It's on me&hellip;

 * Overall:
 * Once you cite something, you don't have to repeatedly cite it as you did the first time. For example, once you do this don't keep doing that. Rather, do this  for every other time you cite a source or appearance. Please correct this throughout the article.
 * Well, does it really matter? I ask because it wouldn't change how the article looks or reads. It does the same thing either way that enter the code. And I would prefer not to change something like that if I don't have to. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * I understand your point, I don't think this is one of those musts if you will. I'll strike this, but don't be surprised if an Inq takes issue with this.-- 01:50, July 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * We'll see I guess. Thanks. Coruscantfan 03:01, July 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Check for over/underlinking. I've done some for you. Don't worry about this, it's a problem with me, too.
 * Checked it, I don't see anymore linking problems. If you still find them, go ahead and fix them. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Intro:
 * Context for Coruscant, what I'm looking for is galactic capital.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 13:13, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Context for Darth Maul.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Context for Darth Cadeus, ie, he was a Sith Lord, or a Chief of State, both are not needed.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Responsibilities:
 * Again, context for Coruscant.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 13:13, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * TGR:
 * For the fourth paragraph, is there a particular year when this happened?
 * Done. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * TNR:
 * Context for Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade, and Leia Organa Solo.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * TGA:
 * Context for Lumiya and Alema Rar.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Establish that Solo not only became Chief of State, but also a Sith Lord.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * You might want to consider adding a few more details to the BTS, such as inclusion in the CSWE, etc.
 * Well, there isn't much to say. The CSWE entry isn't that impressive or noteworthy. In researching this topic I'm surprised at how little information there is compiled in one place. For an organization that plays a vital role in several places, its as if it doesn't even exist. The Star Wars databank doesn't have an entry and the CSWE entry is pathetic compared with all the information that I've been able to find. Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * The mention in the CSWE is what I was looking for, since I do that. However, this falls under user preference, since there are many FAs that do not list the CSWE in the BTS.-- 01:59, July 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * It looks very good, and I'm impressed with the research you put into this. Overall, the main problem I'm seeing is context for individuals and what not. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.-- 18:01, July 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks Coruscantfan 19:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Just be ready to update the article for any future sources/appearances. That is your responsibility as nominator, and I'm sure, when you promote this successfully to FA status, you don't want it to be removed down the road. Looking forward to reviewing your next nom.-- 02:07, July 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * No problem, I'm planning on doing that! Thanks for your help and your vote. Coruscantfan 03:01, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

Quick preliminary

 * The BTS is confusing. Did Betrayal establish that the stormtroopers being attacked in ROTJ were part of the CSF? If not, that needs a source. If that is so, it needs to be rephrased, because it's kinda confusing as is.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:24, July 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 16:55, July 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * "This however, caused some confusion as the Coruscant Guard was the canon-established police force during the Imperial era but they were not shown in Return of the Jedi. It was assumed that stormtroopers stationed on Coruscant (including the ones shown in Return of the Jedi) simply were assigned to CSF and assisted guard units in police duties" This needs to be sourced. However, I'd suggest simply saying "The CSF first appeared in ROTJ SE, although this appearance was in the form of stormtroopers being attacked. Betrayal later confirmed that stormtroopers stationed on Coruscant simply were assigned to CSF and assisted guard units in police duties." or something similar. it just needs to be phrased to avoid speculation, and that sorta stuff.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:15, July 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 23:26, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Chick Gandil

 * For now, please fix the image placing in the article. Images should alternate right to left, beginning with the infobox image. Also, please also change any image caption that are close to IU description. And before I completely review the article, you need to make sure the entire article is properly sourced and free of any speculation/OR. Sentences like this: "In 22 BBY, the initiation of the Clone Wars brought changes to how the capital was policed. Police droids were used extensively as regular patrol units and were usually one of the first responders to situations." is speculation/OR, unless it's said in a source.  JangFett  (Talk) 15:44, August 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks, just a few comments/questions... Images: They were alternating but a previous FA reviewer moved the 2nd and 3rd images and I can't find anywhere where the placement of pictures is dictated, so is that just tradition? Cause otherwise, I'm not seeing a problem with that and what happens when the next reviewer changes it back? So if there is no written guideline, I'd rather leave it cause it looks/reads better. Captions: If you could please be specific in what image captions you have a problem with because I'm not seeing where there is a problem when comparing the captions with the captions of other FA articles. I'm happy to make the adjustment, just let me know specifically where. Speculation: That sentence along with the rest of the paragraph is all sourced from the same source which is listed at the end of the paragraph. Police droids are first used during the Clone Wars and performed those duties based on the listed source. If you see other sentences you think are speculation please be specific because at this point I've sourced everything I think might be taken as speculation. Asking me to check the whole article for that (which I've done) doesn't help me fix problems. By the way, your reference to Chick Gandil made me laugh, that's funny ;) Coruscantfan 03:47, August 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * I made adjustments to the pictures, does that look better? However my question still stands on the tradition/guidelines that have to do with pictures.Coruscantfan 02:05, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * If I may answer for Jang, you can see here that it says to alternate images.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:53, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah, ok, good to know. I looked but couldn't find it. Somehow I missed that. Thanks! Coruscantfan 17:46, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

Chack

 * "It was renamed the Anti-Terrorist Unit during the Galactic Alliance." You mean the Anti-Terrorism Unit, right? If so, I'd suggest changing "it" to "the latter."  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:13, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 17:43, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * More to come, perhaps.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:30, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

ZatoichiVendetta

 * I believe the subject of this article plays minor role in Shadows of Coruscant, an adventure outlined towards the end of the original Wizards of the Coast Roleplaying Game Core Rulebook. SinisterSamurai 06:51, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, well, I'm not really sure what your objection is. I did make sure it was listed under the appearance section. Was that the problem?Coruscantfan 15:56, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * The objection is that if the CSF is in the adventure, the source/appearance should be reviewed to determine if there is significant information regarding operations or history that may be added to the article. Just let me know once you've reviewed the adventure proper, determined if it needs a or something, and I'll strike the objection. SinisterSamurai 03:55, August 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * I looked it up and there isn't enough to write anything. Mostly it concerns the Jedi, not CSF. Coruscantfan 22:59, August 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah. I had thought that a lot of the side characters were CSF, but upon review that seems to not be the case. Only thing I saw was that the CSF is one of the few organizations legally allowed to carry weapons on Coruscant. That's probably a given. SinisterSamurai 05:38, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * I didn't actually review the article at first. I will do so now, since I have some free time. Right off the bat, I'm noticing a lot of redirects. I don't think there's a genuine rule against them, but every redirect is additional drain, and slower connections may take much longer navigating away from your page. You can create a subpage and copy a script to highlight them for yourself (Example for Monaco skin, Example for monobook skin), or I can just fix them for you. SinisterSamurai 05:17, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * I know there are several redirects to the CSF (i.e. Coruscant Police and CSF), but I don't know how to see an overview of them (if that even exists) or how to do what your suggesting I do. So I'm not really sure what you're talking about, can you enlighten me? Coruscantfan 05:36, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Copy  to User:Coruscantfan/monobook.css or User:Coruscantfan/monaco.css, if you use Monaco. Then all links to redirects will be orange. --  1358  (Talk) 07:00, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Got it, thanks. SinisterSamurai: I did see the redirects and tried to make some adjustments. However I couldn't get a few of them to work out, if you want, go ahead and see what you can do with them. Coruscantfan 17:13, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed. You can check the edit history if you want to see an underlinking trick or two. Removed redirect links to the categories: Criminal and Government, as I object to mid-article category links. I think those two things have identical definitions here on earth that they do in Star Wars, so I don't have a problem with them not being linked. If you want, you can create Crime and Government articles (Similar to your awesome Law Enforcement Agency article), but I don't feel that it's a requirement at this point. SinisterSamurai 21:36, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * In Organization, you mention that the command structure is similar to most police and paramilitary organizations. Since I genuinely don't know, what is that command structure? Since this is a common command structure, a link would be acceptable if you didn't want to detail it in-article. Also, what are some examples of similarly structured organizations? (One or two should be fine.) SinisterSamurai 05:38, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Usually it will start with officer or constable and go on up through sergeant, lieutenant, captain, with inspector/detective/agent thrown in there somewhere, depending on the agency. I created a page that I hope covers the topic successfully. I also linked organizations to Law enforcement agency. Coruscantfan 05:36, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * That works. Good stub. :) SinisterSamurai 21:36, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * SWAT, if that's what it's called in a Star Wars source, needs a link and/or context. SinisterSamurai 05:41, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 05:36, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sorry, I didn't realize it was CSF exclusive. If SWAT is a common thing in space law enforcement, it needs it's own page. If it's CSF exclusive, a subsection of the CSF article (Special Units or Special Divisions or something under Organization). Either way, if the abbreviation is defined in a source, it should be under Special Tactics and Rescue at first mention in it's "home" article. If not defined by a source, the abbreviation definition should be mentioned Behind the scenes, but not in the IU parts of the article.SinisterSamurai 21:36, August 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * To my knowledge its a CSF exclusive because I haven't seen it in any other book or other EU material. But I created a separate page because other units such as the Anit-Terror/Anti-Terrorism units and the Coruscant Traffic Unit all have separate articles. I did have subsections for them at one point, but I was told to remove them so that's how I solved the issue. But at any rate, I'll move the definition under BTS since it didn't spell it out in the book.Coruscantfan 20:56, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

Cav:

 * Organization - The CSF had a similar command structure to most police and paramilitary organizations. Which police and paramilitary organizations? In-universe or out-of-universe? If its IU, then examples should be listed and referenced. If OOU, then, well, you have a problem. Applying real world example to SW organizations isn't allowed, since what is true in the real world may not apply in the SW universe. If the latter is the case, then I'd suggest getting rid of the statement altogether.
 * Yeah, SinisterSamurai mentioned that too. I created a link for both command structure and organizations to explain both. The organization that are listed in the law enforcement agency article are the examples of similar organizations. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * The wording is still problematic, and no example is offered despite the links. Even with a link, you can't use the word "most" as that would imply that we know about all law enforcement agencies in the SW universe. Also, you are sourcing that entire statement to the Darth Maul novel, which, unless it says explicitly in the book that this is the case, is false sourcing. Also, have we ever encountered the CSF command structure in any source? Have we ever met the commander of the entire CSF? I would, in all honest, eliminate the entire sentence as I don't think the statement can be properly sourced. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 00:02, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Organization - Two incidents of "was used to describe" in sentences following on from one another. Please reword to avoid repetition.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Galactic Republic - T'aug also closed the case of Ren S'orn at the request of his mother, Senator Uta S'orn. Context is needed on this. What was the case? Why was it closed?
 * I don't have any more information than that to give more context other than what was written under the Ren S'orn article. I tried looking for that book but couldn't find it. I asked around and no one else seemed to have the info either. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm afraid that's no excuse. Since FAs have to be as detailed as possible, nominators are expected to be able to access all sources. From what I can tell, S'orn appears in Jedi Apprentice: The Deadly Hunter. Here is a list of users who appear to have access to the novel. You'll have to ask them for information. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've sent a request, hopefully I can get the info soon. Coruscantfan 20:37, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * I got the information and filled in the details.Coruscantfan 00:20, September 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Galactic Republic - Why was Maul chasing Assant and Pavan? Context is needed. And why did he call the CSF?
 * Done. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * So he wanted transport, but you fail to mention that if he took the transport after killing the two CSF officers. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 00:02, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Clone Wars - Context needed for these events: Two noted operations the shock trooper Guards were involved were the raid on Ziro the Hutt's Coruscant club[25] and a hostage situation at the Senate.
 * CC asked about this too. I didn't give context because it has to do with the Coruscant Guard, not CSF. The intent was to give kind of a side note to show the Coruscant Guard was performing police duties at this point, not just military functions. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * The New Republic - The New Republic again captured Coruscant in 11 ABY. If you're going to say they captured it again, first you are going to have to mentioned that they lost the planet.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * That event needs to be sourced, probably to Dark Empire. Also, the sourcing for the entire section should be redone. Grouping them at the end is counter-productive; the ref tags should be present at the relevant sections of text. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * I sourced both, however I didn't use Dark Empire because it doesn't talk about the recapture of Coruscant. Coruscantfan 20:37, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * The New Republic - In 26 ABY, Chief of State Borsk Fey'lya ordered the arrest of Luke and Mara Jade Skywalker. Why did he issue an arrest warrant for them?
 * Done. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * But why, specifically? What were the charges? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * A specific reason is never mentioned. The arrest was ordered in the context of the Anti-Jedi sentiment in the Senate. Coruscantfan 20:37, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * The New Republic - Context for the Yuuzhan Vong War needed.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * The invasion should probably be referenced to Vector Prime. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done.
 * The Galactic Alliance - Context for the Corellian Blockade needed.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * More, please. Why were Corellia and Coruscant at odds in the first place?
 * Done. (See first paragraph under Galactic Alliance.) Coruscantfan 20:37, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Galactic Alliance - During the war, Grand Master Skywalker had asked Jedi Master Tresina Lobi to keep an eye on his son, Ben Skywalker. Why? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Again, more. Why specifically? What was Solo doing to Ben that Luke was concerned about? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:00, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done.Coruscantfan 20:37, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Behind the scenes - The entire second paragraph needs to be sourced to reliable sources. It is not self-sourcing; is there any behind the scenes info stating that elements of the CSF are based on real life examples? Or are you seeing parallels yourself? If the latter, this falls into the territory of no original research. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:54, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. I actually did find out what the droids were based on so I added that and put a source with it. Coruscantfan 03:35, August 27, 2010 (UTC)

Eyrezer

 * I'd like to see the BTS significantly expanded. Currently, you have where they first appeared, but you also need to specify where they were first identified, and perhaps also where where the alternate names were identified as being the same organization. --Eyrezer 00:44, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 02:59, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * When it comes to the BTS, please take your time and flesh out some of the details. It still needs to read as a coherent whole. I would suggest starting when when it was first identified, and later mention that it was retconned into the Special Edition. You also haven't showed that the different names actually refer to the same organisation. Does a source actually say that the "Coruscant Security Force" and the "Coruscant Police Force" are the same thing? --Eyrezer 03:11, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * How's that look? Coruscantfan 04:19, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * You say that they were first named in the RPG sourcebook, yet Inside the Worlds of Star Wars Episode I is listed as a source and came out prior to this? Is this the first mention of it? (And stylistically, you should spell out the full name in the BTS, not the acronym). --Eyrezer 11:20, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, that was the first mention. I listed that as a source because it contained information that I used about Coruscant, the Senate Guards, etc. i.e. topics that used it has a source. Coruscantfan 19:53, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * OK. In the situation you have described, we do not list that source in the Appearances/Sources lists. Instead it is only referenced in the relevant foonotes. The Appearances/Sources sections should only be for those publications that mention the article's topic. Make sense? --Eyrezer 21:15, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah. Ok, yeah that makes sense. I'll remove it.Coruscantfan 23:59, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * I still consider the BTS to need a major rewrite. Please spend more time detailing the development of this organisation and how the names, etc, link together. --Eyrezer 02:04, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Here's the problem. The video on StarWars.com about the police droids and Tan Divo is the first time that an official source has actually given background about a part of the CSF. Beyond the Roleplaying book, the background on the droids, some discussion on Tan Divo's personality, and indirect mentions here and there in the Databank, there is no background on the CSF presented/talked about/shown/written/emailed/published by any official source. There are no details on who came up with the name, who got them into the books, who came up with some of the background stories, why they came up with the different names, who decided they were the same, who is even influencing their appearances, etc. If I were to add any of those details, they would be pure speculation on my part. There simply is no other information to add. And trust me, I have looked! Coruscantfan 04:08, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Most articles are in the same boat. That doesn't mean you don't need to construct a coherent BTS. If it is as you say it is, then there is a particular need to be clear about the how the subject of the article developed. Mention all those things you have described. It does not need to be privy to the inner thoughts of the authors. Look at the BTS for Atrivis sector, for example. Major development of the sector was quite late, but I take the time to explain where it got to where it is today. You need to do the same, mentioning the authors etc that have contributed to it along the way. --Eyrezer 04:26, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * But all the things I described above is information that has no source. I noticed that you had several places where sources are listed, I can't do that. It seems I keep bumping heads with people over what is "original research" which is why I'm very hesitant to do what your suggesting. So I'll try to do what you did with the Atrivis sector, it just really seems like OR to me. Coruscantfan 00:15, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, I'm happy to help you with it if you make a decent start. I was actually about to try writing it my self but got confused by the presence of Inside the Worlds of...' --Eyrezer 22:48, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Hopefully that looks better... Coruscantfan 23:21, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Now that's more like it! Good work on this and good perseverance. A few things to polish it. It is probably not necessary to list the month of publication of the books. Some people just place the year in brackets (2002) etc, but it is fine with the year in prose as you have done here. As for their appearance in the Special Edition, I think this part could be a bit clearer. I suggest mentioning the source of the retcon first - Empire: Betrayal, I'm guessing - and then the effect of the retcon, ie, that their first appearance is accordingly backdated to 1997. That make sense? --Eyrezer 00:28, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * You should also add to which ever RC book first used that name for them. --Eyrezer 00:30, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks! I added the tag to the RC book. Yeah that makes sense, I can change that around. About the months, I added them in those places on purpose to give the reader a context on the time frame that the CSF was developed through books, etc and to show how closely some of the materials followed one another. Does it hurt to leave them? Coruscantfan 01:25, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * If you want them there and think they are useful, I'm personally fine with the months staying. --Eyrezer 01:31, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Cool! I made the suggested change for the retcon and moved the paragraph down, I think that reads better. Coruscantfan 01:34, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * The info in the first sentence in the Description section, do all three cited sources have all the information? If any of that info is unique to one of those sources, it needs to be sourced to that particular source. It is not sufficient to just source to all of them at the end. --Eyrezer 00:48, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * The whole paragraph is written to read and flow easily. However each duty uses at least two of the sources listed at the end. Most have all three sources. I can seperate it out, but it would awfully redundant since they all use those same three sources. Which is why I sourced how I did. Coruscantfan 02:59, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * OK. --Eyrezer 11:20, September 5, 2010 (UTC)

Kasra's first objection

 * Wookieepedia's sourcing policy actually requires that you do this. Menkooroo 08:52, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * OK, I'll get to it. "Deeeeep sigh" :-) Coruscantfan 00:02, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Its done. Coruscantfan 03:45, September 20, 2010 (UTC)

Jinzler

 * The article includes Star Wars Galaxies as an appearance, but contains no information from the game. Can you check to see if there is any? --Jinzler 13:16, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * This was added back a couple years ago before I started working on the article. I looked but couldn't find any info, and the user who added it to the appearance section is no longer active. So I'm just going to remove it. Coruscantfan 15:57, September 12, 2010 (UTC)

Jujiggum

 * "Though technically a security force headquartered on Coruscant, mostly they were involved in Galactic Alliance affairs, not local planetary issues." This sounds like OR to me; where in Outcast does it say this? In fact, I don't recall the CSF being mentioned in Outcast at all. And if the novel did mention the CSF, then you'd have to add it to the appearances section.
 * It doesn't say that word for word. I would not say its OR because based on the book, the GAS is headquartered on Coruscant and does operate as a police force. However they are under the GA and all their appearances so far have been dealing with the Jedi i.e. GA affairs. And no to my knowledge the CSF does not appear. (see comment below) Coruscantfan 02:57, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Just because the GAS is only shown taking care of Jedi affairs does not mean that they didn't attend to other "local planetary issues" either. Since Outcast does not say that the GAS didn't attend to other local planeary issues, this is speculation, and needs to be removed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 15:15, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * But at the same time, it doesn't say that they did operate as a local police force. My opinion is that since they are called Galactic Alliance Security and since they were never shown responding to domestic disturbances, robberies etc., they replaced the GAG as the main security force for the GA at least to a certain extent. But that's an argument that I think should be hashed out somewhere else. For purposes of this article, I'm going to simply remove the information since it doesn't really effect the CSF. With the information from Backlash I have a better way of concluding the section anyways so I don't really see a need to talk about the GAS beyond mentioning their existence. Make sense? Coruscantfan 18:25, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Your key words are: "my opinion." Unfortunately, our opinions don't decide canon. Official sources do. If the official source does not say it, and, in this case, does not even so much as imply it, then you cannot either. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 19:13, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Right, it's my opinion, that's why I said it was my opinion. But my opinion that they were a security force dealing with GA matters is based on "circumstantial canon". They are called Galactic Alliance Security, not Galactic City Security and they only are shown dealing with issues that have to do with the GA government that they are ordered to deal with by the GA Chief of State. So yeah its an opinion, but I disagree that there it is not implied. Coruscantfan 00:01, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Please read this to understand why this is not the case. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:14, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah I've read that. Like I said, its my opinion. Coruscantfan 00:32, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Then you should know that your opinion does not belong in articles. Only canonical facts.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 15:55, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Right, I agree. But I think you misunderstand me. I made a logical deduction the GAS was a Galactic Alliance agency dealing with Galactic Alliance matters based on all the available information presented about the GAS. That information included but is not limited to: (1) They are called Galactic Alliance Security (2) They report to the Chief of State (3) They have authority to make arrests in other places besides Coruscant (4) Not once are they shown dealing with a local police matter on Coruscant, only with matters concerning the Jedi and GA government. My deduction does not require the reader to make "assumptions beyond what is in the source" nor does it change the "significance of the data" namely that they were a security agency that performed police functions. Since this fulfills the requirements of a logical deduction as demanded under What is not original research?, and since it can be "directly and explicitly supported by the cited sources", it can not be a theory/speculation/original idea based on my opinion. And it does not qualify under the other requirements for being OR: (1) defines or introduces new terms (neologisms), or provides new definitions of existing terms; (2) introduces an argument without citing a reliable source who has made that argument in relation to the topic of the article; (3) introduces an analysis or synthesis of published facts, opinions, or arguments without attributing that analysis or synthesis to a reliable source who has published the material in relation to the topic of the article. I removed this from the article because on second thought it is not really relevant, not because I thought it was OR. Since you crossed this off earlier in the discussion, you found that to be good enough, and I thank for that. If you still believe it was/is OR, than I guess we just have to respectfully agree to disagree. Coruscantfan 00:06, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll respond to this on your talk page so as not to further clog up the nom. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:33, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * You currently have this sourced to Outcast, too: "The CSF continued to serve as Coruscant's police force." I don't recally anything in Outcast saying this; and per above, I don't recall Outcast mentioning the CSF at all.
 * (see comment below) Coruscantfan 02:57, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * This needs to be sourced to Backlash, and you should probably add, "&hellip;alongside Galactic Alliance Security." Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 15:15, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I'm going to re-write that. (see below comment) Coruscantfan 18:25, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Coruscant Security Force did appear in Backlash, which you don't currently have listed in the appearances section. Please rectify this and also check for missing info from the .v (If you do not have access to Backlash, I can help you with this one)
 * Cool, I'm not that familiar with Fate of the Jedi, just what I have read on Wookieepedia and from reading/skimming Outcast and at this point I don't have any access to the books. So to my knowledge I do/did not know of any appearance or activity of the CSF beyond Legacy of the Force. The last two paragraphs under the history section exist only to provide some sort of "closure". I also did not find any indication that the CSF ceased to exist hence the statement that "they continued..." though their is mention of the Coruscant Enforcement Services (listed under see also). I haven't found any evidence that CES and CSF are one and the same. So to make a long story short, any help that you can give me from that series and information of the CSF's activities during that time would be greatly appreciated! Coruscantfan 02:57, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, here's the info from Backlash: after Jedi Knight Sothais Saar developed the psychosis and was captured by Cilghal, Coruscant Security officers arrived at the front steps of the New Jedi Temple. There, they were met by Jedi who refused to let them enter to take Saar into custody, and they remained in a temporary standoff. Since the Jedi refused to turn Saar over, Chief of State Daala ordered a Mandalorian raid on the Jedi Temple. Later, someone used Coruscant Security as a front for signing off on the procession for the Funeral of Cha Niathal, using the name of "Captain Koltstan." However, further research showed that no "Captain Koltstan" existed in Coruscant Security, so Daala ordered her aid, Wynn Dorvan, to find out who really did pay for the procession. Security also reported that the threat level against Daala during the procession was rising very high. After Niathal's suicide, her public approval ratings had dropped, and Security suggested that Daala not attend the Funeral, as they thought that someone might try to assassinate her. She was reluctant not to attend, but Dorvan convinced her to take Security's advice. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 15:15, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, thank you that gives me something to work with. Coruscantfan 18:25, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Also, I'm pretty sure that the CSF was at least mentioned in Imperial Commando: 501st. If not, my mistake, but please double-check for any new info and, if it is mentioned, add this novel to the appearances section, too.
 * OK, I'll add that to the section as well as Backlash. Coruscantfan 02:57, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Please make sure to check for info from the novel, too; like I said, I don't recall for sure how big a part the CSF played in the novel, I'm just pretty sure they made some small appearances or at least mentioned at some point. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 19:13, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * I checked, its a mentioned only. I've made the correction in the appearance section. Thanks. Coruscantfan 00:01, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll give the article a full-on review asap. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 21:19, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Cool, sounds good, thanks! Coruscantfan 02:57, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Here's a couple more: "They were heavily involved in Chief of State Natasi Daala's feud with the New Jedi Order." Some more context on her "feud" with the Jedi Order would be good here.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 04:03, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Check your grammar here, please. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 15:55, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Better? Coruscantfan 00:06, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Why did they arrest Luke?
 * Done. Coruscantfan 04:03, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * This doesn't really make sense without explanation of what particular charge&mdash;saying "dereliction of duty" would be good here. Jonjedigrandmaster ( Talk ) 15:55, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * That makes sense. Change made. Coruscantfan 00:06, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Grammar here. Technically you're grammatically saying that the GAS arrested him by allowing Jacen to become Caedus. :P Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:33, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah, yes I see how that would be an issue! ;-) Fixed. Coruscantfan 00:46, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * What's the deal with these Jedi having psychotic breakdowns? Some more context is needed here, especially since it is relevant to the CSF in the next section.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 04:03, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * No: you've just added their cause (which, by the way, you cannot source to Outcast). Why is this a big deal? Remmeber that this is relevant to the CSF in the next paragraph, too, not just the GAS, so appropriate context needs to be added. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 15:55, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is that better? Coruscantfan 00:06, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * No, again, all you've done is state their cause. I'm not asking for the cause; I'm asking for why they're such a big deal. What is their significance? What exactly happens to these Jedi? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:33, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, got it. Added. Coruscantfan 00:46, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * "However, the Jedi were able to hold off the attack which ended in a siege of the Temple by Galactic Alliance forces." This statement is completely false. The raid and the seige were two completely separate attacks with plenty of time passing between them.
 * How much time? I'm going off what is written here on Wiki and I got the impression it was only a few hours. Coruscantfan 00:01, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * They take place in two different novels&mdash;we're talking at least a week or two in between, here, maybe more. If you check particularly the infoboxes of the two articles in question, you'll find that there are a ton of battles and skirmishes that take place in between them, and there's time passing between some of those battles and skirmishes. In the aftermath of the first Mando raid the Mandos do remain in a blockade of the Temple, but tensions seem to ease up a bit, even though the blockade doesn't necessarily go away (this part is a bit unclear in the novels). After a while, Turi Altamik goes psycho, and the Jedi capture her. Daala demands they turn Saar and Altamik over, but they refuse. Eventually, after further failed attempts to coerce the Jedi to cooperate, Daala finally orders the second Mando attack. But again, this is quite some time after the first. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:14, September 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, I made the adjustment hopefully that makes it clearer. Coruscantfan 04:03, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * But the raid didn't necessarily fail: Daala prevented the Jedi from taking Saar off-world and from launching their StealthXs to help Luke; and the raid established a blockade on the Temple that prevented (for a time) any Jedi from leaving, as well as crippled the Temple's communications and food stores. Also, the later siege was carried out by Mandos again, not GA forces. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 15:55, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, thanks for clarifying that. Coruscantfan
 * Please check again, a part of this still remains incorrect. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:33, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * I feel like Han Solo: "Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Where!?!" lol Seriously though, I'm not seeing it... Coruscantfan
 * Well, looking back on it&hellip;you're fine. I accidentally overlooked something when reading through it. :P Sorry about that. That full review is on its way as soon as I have time (it'll probably come in bits and pieces). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:58, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Good grief, I thought that was the full review, you mean that's not it!?! AAAAAAAH! lol Well, I need your Inq vote and Eyrezer's Inq vote to get all the FA votes that are required so hopefully this will be over soon! Thanks! Coruscantfan 01:14, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * The grammar and writing in the last paragraph of the "Galactic Alliance" section could generally be cleaned up; the wording and grammar are poor throughout. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 19:13, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 04:03, September 20, 2010 (UTC)

Mia's little gripe
First time putting up an objection, so I hope this isn't too nit-picky...
 * You know how Jon mentioned an Imperial Commando: 501st appearance and you said it was mention only? That's technically true, but there's still some information that seems pretty relevant in there, too. For one thing, it says that Imperial Security had absorbed both the "detective and counter-terrorism side" of CSF, and that Imperial Security's "information technology center was an old Coruscant Security Force divisional HQ." Plus, the former CSF captain, Jaller Obrim, is now Imperial Security. I suggest taking a good look over Chapter 5 of the novel in case I missed anything else. Bella&#39;Mia 04:36, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * I added the information in under Galactic Empire. However, I don't have the book anymore and judging by the hold list won't have it anytime soon, so I'll take your word for it. :-) Coruscantfan 13:07, September 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * It looks good. You forgot to mention the detective aspect in addition to the counter-terrorist stuff, but I decided to just take care of it myself rather than harass you with little stuff that only takes two seconds to fix anyway. :P Hope that's okay, and you did quite a job on this, Coruscantfan. Bella&#39;Mia 04:09, September 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks, looks good. Coruscantfan 12:41, September 22, 2010 (UTC)

Jujiggum, part 2

 * In the intro: please avoid parentheses. I suggest using something along the lines of "&hellip;backup unit, also called a PCBU."
 * Done. Coruscantfan 20:56, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * "This was especially true" How could something be "especially true?" Either it's true or it's not. Do you perhaps mean something more like "particularly common"?
 * Yes, that's what I meant. Correction made. Coruscantfan 20:56, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * In the first paragraph of the intro you give examples for some things but not for others. I would suggest leaving those examples (the mentions of the Maul and Divo situations) out for later in order to keep it consistent.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 20:56, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * "During the Galactic Republic" The Galactic Republic was a government, not a time frame. Perhaps you could say something like "during the reign of the Galactic Republic" or "during the time of the Galactic Republic" or something similar.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 20:56, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * "The Second Galactic Civil War placed the CSF right in the middle of the conflict between the Galactic Alliance and the Confederation." Wording issue here&mdash;this implies that they weren't on either side; that they were caught in the middle of the conflict between the two governments. But I'm pretty positive that the CSF was serving the Galactic Alliance.
 * Here is my reasoning: while yes they are "under" the GA, they are shown to respond to several riots and demonstrations held by supporters of both sides of the conflict. In one case they are creating a line between the two groups and between the two groups and the Senate Building. When things get out of hand they arrest whoever. Also when the GAG is established, one of the reasons was that Jacen says that the integrity of the CSF as a police force should be sustained and that a separate organization should be formed to actively deal with the Confederation supporters. He explains about how having the CSF perform those functions would make their job of policing "everyone" harder and that those who are not GA supporters would have a hard time trusting the CSF. So that's why I said it placed them "in the middle". Make sense? Coruscantfan 20:56, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * "The CSF continued their police operations as they had before the Second Galactic Civil War." Are you sure about this? Where does it say so? Perhaps mention instead that they were used to capture psychotic Jedi, although that's really up to you.
 * Yes I'm sure. Its mentioned in the Legacy era series, (see the sources at the end of the GA History section.) I'd rather leave it how it is since they do several other things and the statement is more general and allows for those other activities. Coruscantfan 20:58, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fair enough. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 21:17, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll continue with the article's main body once you get through these. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 17:57, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * "These areas were rarely visited by police and when they did it was in force." Grammar.
 * Punctuation issue, done. Coruscantfan 22:27, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Not just punctuation; this remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 22:37, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Try now. Coruscantfan 00:01, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Why do we have two separate articles for the Anti-Terrorist and Anti-Terrorism Units? You make it sound as though it was one Unit that was later renamed. If it was the same exact unit that was renamed, as you currently imply in the article, then the two Unit articles should be merged and the extra link removed from the CSF article. However, if we don't know for sure that they are the same Unit, then please tweak the current wording in the article that implies that they were.
 * Its tricky. There is no information on a counter terrorism unit during the Empire and New Republic, so I'm not sure when the change was made. I do know that during the Republic the Anti-Terrorism Unit existed and that by the GA the Anit-Terror Unit now performed those functions. What happened in between, no clue. With so much time in between and the two different names, I'm treating them as separate organizations. I've tweaked the wording to reflect that more accurately. Coruscantfan 22:27, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * But do we know that it was replaced? It sounds like this is another one of those "we don't know for sure either way" things. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 22:37, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * LOL Sorta. We know that Anti-Terror replaced Anti-Terrorism and took over its functions. We just don't know when and under what circumstances because neither is mentioned during the Empire nor the New Republic. But yes, one replaced the other. Coruscantfan 00:01, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * More to come. In the meantime, please go through the article and make sure that everything is linked appropriately; I've already noticed quite a bit of underlinking in just the Responsibilities and Organization sections. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 21:17, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * I saw you linked New Republic and Galactic Republic, those did link but they linked under the history section. Coruscantfan 22:27, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Everything is supposed to be linked once on its first mention in the article's main body, so skipping a link in one section and then linking it later in the article body is incorrect. Please relink the New Republic and Galactic Republic and adjust any other incorrect linking throughout the article. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 22:37, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * I had a conversation about that with Jedi Kasra and CC7567 a bit ago. I can't find where it states as a policy that linking has to be done at first mention. So I put linking where it would make the most sense. For example if I were reading the history section of the article and I wanted to know more about the Republic but had no quick link, I would have to go back to find one. I tried to make the linking as common sense as possible. CC told me that as long as I didn't put linking in the image boxes, I should be fine. I just have to be consistent throughout the article either way. Coruscantfan 00:01, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm actually going to dispute this one due to precedent. Pretty much every single other status article (at least in the past year or two, since we've started becoming stricter about article quality) has used this as a rule, and this has come up multiple times as an objection. Not only is it better for the reader to have everything linked on the first mention, it provides for a site-wide consistency. However, you're right in noting that we don't seem to have an official policy on this. I've gone ahead and started up a CT on it. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 00:23, October 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, well, I made the changes, but yes, it would be good to have a policy. Coruscantfan 20:14, October 3, 2010 (UTC)

Another minor point

 * I'm not sure of the exact page reference for this, but I remember that in Order 66: A Republic Commando Novel, it states that CSF assault ships were deployed during the Battle of Coruscant in 19 BBY, to keep civilians away from the battle. This needs to be mentioned in the article. --Jinzler 18:05, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 13:52, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

Eyrezer, Mark II

 * In the Old Republic History section, you need to explain why the Jedi were not available to provide protection.
 * I've removed the reference simply because the wording in the Holonet implies more to me that the Jedi really didn't have much to do with the fact that areas of the planet were lost to gang control.
 * Can you provide a sentence of closure as to why S'orn (and Fligh) was killed? I understand it was related to Zan Arbor, even if it was not the CSF that discovered this.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've created two redlinks for the investigators in the Darth Maul story. You may want to create stubs for these, although as of yet that may not be necessary if the total number of redlinks is no more than three.
 * Articles created.Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Later in 32 BBY, officers responded to the apartment of Senator Connus Trell." Responded to what?
 * It doesn't give any info. They basically just "appear" and we are left to assume someone called them but no source for that. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is there no more information on the Variable Altitude Assault Transport/enforcement that can be added from Star Wars: Bounty Hunter? --Eyrezer 10:49, October 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nope, sorry. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure if you're still asking for more information or just forgot to cross this off, but there isn't anymore information that can be added from the game, nor any other information that could add more context and flush out details that would be relevant. All other information can be gotten from the VAAT/e article itself and the link is under the Transportation section of the CSF article. Coruscantfan 04:17, October 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Not striking it means I want to think about it a bit more. While doing so, I discovered that the Star Wars: Bounty Hunter article claims the CSF placed a bounty on Jervis Gloom, a death stick dealer. None of this information is in the current iteration of your article. The death sticks issue links in with Senator Connus Trell, and it could be expanded a fair bit. --Eyrezer 23:35, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Expanded. Coruscantfan 02:35, November 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * The article also lacks any information on Loowil Galt, a CSF member who arrested Fett, and disrupted a Trade Federation deal such that they put a bounty on his head, which Fett later fulfilled. Actually, also include the bounties on Reez Andor, Max Ryko, Mill Timmer, Raim Tibekk, Leek Onees, Seed Machees, Byhdee Kees, Kram Ayuk, Regg Kuuga, Panza Hondi, Ninopas Orocc, Kiatha, Lye Rooker, Ottegru Grey, the Kragget, Wets Tranoj, Rogh'ma Ixsan, Lexia Ginorra . These people fall into two groups: people wanted by the CSF, or CSF officers. The latter group suggests there is significant room for expansion of your coverage of CSF members. In short, it seems there is more info to add from the game. --Eyrezer 23:46, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, I've added info on those people so most of them should be covered in some form or another. Coruscantfan 20:59, November 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Good work on covering many of the people listed above; however, I have left a few unstricken as there does not seem to be any information on them added to the article. I would like to see you rewrite the paragraph relating to Fett and the murder of Trell. There is enough information from the number of bounties placed by the CSF on death sticks dealers, etc, to write a paragraph relating to CSF investigation into this issue. At the moment, it is too Fett-centric and not CSF-centric enough. Does that make sense? It is also clear here that the CSF can issue bounties beyond Coruscant. --Eyrezer 01:53, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, I'm not really sure how to change it. I see what you mean, but that's all background information. I could just remove it but then someone's going to object because they want to know why Fett was doing this etc. So if you see anyway it can be changed, go ahead. Coruscantfan 02:17, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * The way to change it is to start by saying something along the lines of "in XX BBY, the CSF became involved in investigating a profusion of death stick smuggling on Coruscant, placing bounties on a number of individuals for smuggling... etc. While this was occurring, they responded to the call... Fett was there... Fett was also looking into the smuggling for his own reasoning ... as part of his investigation, he completed some of the CSF bounties ... Gail arrested him and was shot, etc." There is clearly a big problem with death sticks in Coruscant that the CSF is involved in. You need to reflect this, rather than just responding to the Fett storyline. In the way set out about, you can also cover off the other individuals not yet stricken by mentioning the wider bounties set by the CSF. That make sense? --Eyrezer 02:26, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Got it, thanks. Let's see what I can come up with... :) Coruscantfan 02:29, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, hopefully that covers it sufficiently. Coruscantfan 03:29, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * This is much better, but you have currently got the chronology wrong: you have Galt arrest Fett for the murder before it happens. Have another read over this and straighten it out a bit. --Eyrezer 04:37, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Changed. Coruscantfan 18:30, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Regg Kuuga, Panza Hondi, Ninopas Orocc and Kiatha all related to other incidents that are not currently covered in the article. --Eyrezer 01:53, December 11, 2010 (UTC).
 * These guys I can write a paragraph about. But the others you didn't cross off I'd rather just leave out. While they are wanted by the CSF, I don't feel I have enough info to do anything except create a "list" which I want to avoid. Coruscantfan 02:17, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nevermind. Coruscantfan 02:22, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Hopefully that covers it. Coruscantfan 03:29, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Can you say what the Clone Wars is? Simply adding that is was between the Republic and CIS may be enough.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Can you provide a sentence of closure as to the armored man a the end of the Clone Wars section? The CSF may not know who it was, but we do.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * A bit more please. Do we know why he was on Coruscant? --Eyrezer 05:59, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've added more detail, but I feel that adding any more information beyond that isn't needed since besides a brief sighting, there is nothing else that has to do with the CSF. Coruscantfan 03:30, October 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * I think the first paragraph of the Empire section should be at the end of the Republic section.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * "When they tried to flee Coruscant aboard the Jade Shadow, they were pursued by four interceptors and fought a brief battle." Do we know if these were CSF?
 * Yes. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * The current text is unclear that the interceptors belonged to the CSF. Can you clarify this? --Eyrezer 05:59, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Hopefully that's clear enough. Coruscantfan 03:30, October 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Simpla has now been placed in the Outer Rim Territories. You may like to alter your description of it based on this. --Eyrezer 22:14, October 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure what to do with this. I have 3 sources that say the planet was near Coruscant but only 1 source that says it was in the Outer Rim. And throughout the books the CSF is shown as having authority over the planet which is the basis for a whole story line. Granted the The Essential Atlas is more recent, but its 3 to 1. From my understanding the Atlas says the Simpla system is in the outer rim, but I'm not sure if it also mentions the planet. It could be the planet was near Coruscant but the system is in the outer rim. Like I said, I'm not sure what to do without causing confusion on a whole section of the article. Coruscantfan 00:15, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Apparently, Simpla in the ORT comes right from the top. --Eyrezer 05:59, October 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, well, that answers that. They change, we scramble. I've made adjustments to the wording, hopefully that gets the meaning across without being non canonical. Coruscantfan 03:30, October 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nicely put! --Eyrezer 21:31, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Can you please expand the coverage of the hostage situation at the Galactic City Spaceport? At the moment, the coverage doesn't even mention who the kidnappers were. Can you add details on this and why they did what they did? --Eyrezer 23:46, October 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Expanded. Coruscantfan 02:15, November 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks. --Eyrezer 21:31, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * You should also add mention of Tru Veld, whom the CSF helped tracked down with the 501st. I'm looking for more detail to be added to the brief overview you currently have. --Eyrezer 00:04, October 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * Added. Coruscantfan 14:55, October 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * Does the source give any information on where he was tracked down to? --Eyrezer 21:31, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * No, he is mentioned over the CSF comm channel as a padawan to be on the lookout for.Coruscantfan 21:43, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * The YJK books, Young Jedi Knights: The Lost Ones and Young Jedi Knights: Jedi Shadow refer to Coruscant Security, which redirects to this article. If it is the same organization, its role needs to be covered here, too.
 * Jedi Shadow is collection of three YJK books one of which is The Lost Ones so there's that. But I am asking around to double check the CSF appearance in The Lost Ones. If memory serves me correct I thought it was simply a brief appearance/mention, nothing noteworthy to add. We'll see... Coruscantfan 04:29, November 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Cool. Let me know what you come up with. --Eyrezer 21:31, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Oh, sorry, I thought I had already written it down, but I found out it was nothing noteworthy just a brief mention. Coruscantfan 21:43, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is there nothing from this that can be added between the wedding of Luke and Mara and the start of the YV War? --Eyrezer 01:53, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nope, sorry. Most of the Star Wars material set in the Empire/New Republic era is so fixated on coming up with new reasons for the Jedi/NR to fight the Imperial Remnant or factions thereof that stories and characters about local places like Coruscant are almost non existent, at least in my opinion. And then came the NJO series and at that point forget it. Believe me I've looked! :P Coruscantfan 02:17, December 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Um, Coruscantfan, in The Lost Ones, there is definitely material that can be added to this article. In chapter 7, Coruscant Security is in control of the Adamant, which is delivering "badly needed" modern hyperdrives to the Republic, when the ship is raided by the Second Imperium. Please add this. --Eyrezer 09:45, December 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Lost Ones also needs to be added to the Appearances list. --Eyrezer 09:51, December 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nibber Swoo's article suggest the CSF also gave speeding violations. --Eyrezer 00:04, October 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * Added. Coruscantfan 14:55, October 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * If the speeding ticket bit replicated in the CSWE? --Eyrezer 09:07, November 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, its also mentioned in Lt. Ia's CSWE entry how she patrols the skylanes. Coruscantfan 15:07, November 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Hi Coruscantfan. I'm doing one more copy-edit through the whole article. As you will see, I added a few subsections to break up some of the largest blocks of text. Feel free to modify some of the section titles if you want. I would ask that you add some pertinent quotes to these sections now though.
 * Looks good. Made a few adjustments, quotes added. Coruscantfan 15:56, December 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * "One was for Regg Kuuga, a male Draag who stole medical frigates, scrapped them for parts, and the transformed them into tourist-attacking melee ships". A melee ship? That makes little sense to me and looks to be copied from Kuuga's own article. Can you clarify this? --Eyrezer 08:01, December 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Better? Coruscantfan 15:56, December 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Terrorism and enhanced security" The quote you added under this contains some info that is not int he article, namely the number of arrests and the explosives haul. Please add this in.
 * "the driver pulled out a lightsaber and cut off an officer's hand" Is this Jedi known? They should be linked to here, unless there is some reason not to. --Eyrezer 09:15, December 16, 2010 (UTC)

Halt.

 * In Relationship with other law enforcement: " the CSF worked with several organizations including the Judicial Forces, the Republic Security Force, clone troopers from the Grand Army of the Republic, the Stormtrooper Corps, the Coruscant Planetary Defense Force, and the Galactic Alliance Guard." is currently sourced to Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter. As cumbersome as it may seem, you'll have to stick a few more sources at the end of that sentence to account for all of the info there (Surely Shadow Hunter doesn't mention the stormtrooper corps or the GAG :^P).
 * Sourced. I removed the RSF since they were a part of the Judicial Force anyways. Coruscantfan 16:59, November 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * There's an unsourced paragraph in the Galactic Republic section of "History". Smells like Shadow Hunter to me. :^D
 * Sourced. Coruscantfan 16:59, November 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * "This covered up for Jedi Knights Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi who had used the speeder to chase down assassin Zam Wesell after she attempted to assassinate Senator Padmé Amidala." will need to be sourced to Attack of the Clones, since the HNN article mentions nothing about them or the speeder chase.
 * Sourced. Coruscantfan 16:59, November 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * The second paragraph with Sphere of Influence info --- is anything after "a matter delegated to the local police." relevant, at all, to the subject at hand? It seems like extraneous info about Pantora and the Trade Federation that really has nothing to do with the CSF.
 * Removed.Coruscantfan 16:59, November 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done to the end of "The Clone Wars." Very impressed so far. Just a handy tip, though: When multiple references are placed at the end of a sentence, always put them in numerical order. So, for example, [1][4][7] instead of [1][7][4]. Menkooroo 15:40, November 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Cool. Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Coruscantfan 16:59, November 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Hmmm... I know that Wookieepedia places the events of X-wing: Wedge's Gamble at 6 ABY, but the book itself states that six months have passed since the beginning of X-wing: Rogue Squadron, which is at 6.5 ABY. I think that the Fall of Coruscant is actually at 7 ABY. For what it's worth, The Bacta War concludes right at 7.5 ABY.
 * On the other hand, 6 months from June is December so its still possible to have happened in 6 ABY. Considering that practically all articles and if I'm not mistaken the book as well, place the Battle of Coruscant in 6 ABY, I'd rather leave it. If it happened at the end of 6 ABY that still accounts for the "6 months" after Rogue Squadron events and the 6 months later for the Bacta War.Coruscantfan 04:56, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Too true. Menkooroo 05:52, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * The New Republic is the only section to mention a CSF interceptor. What is it? Does it have an article? Should it be in the "Transportation" section?
 * Nope it didn't have an article but I added one. Coruscantfan 04:56, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * FYI, I redlinked Corellian embassy and crime scene investigation droid.
 * Cool, I wrote articles. Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is Galactic Alliance security a part of, or affiliated with, the CSF? If not, then is all that stuff about them in 43 ABY relevant to this article?
 * No they're not. The reason all that is mentioned is simply to provide background and context for the reason that the CSF is trying to arrest a Jedi, and a little information on the reactions of the Chief of State to the situation who (as a noted above) as overall authority of the CSF. Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * The problem is that it's way too much info on something that isn't directly related to the CSF. I think that it could be shortened and reworded without mentioning Galactic Alliance Security at all. Luke getting arrested and discovering Abeloth is drifting pretty far from the focus of the article, as are sentences like "(The GAS) were heavily involved in Daala's feud with the Jedi." The GAS are similar to the CSF, true, but without any canonical indication of cooperation between the two, that paragraph is simply too much. I'd recommend following "the GAG was disbanded." with the bit about Sothais Saar, giving one or two sentences of context on the psychosis, and then proceed with the CSF's role in the capture of Saar. You could cut out an entire extraneous paragraph this way. The minimum amount of context is preferable to the maximum amount --- what you don't include in an article is just as important as what you do. Menkooroo 07:01, November 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 07:37, November 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * I also wonder how much of the 43.5 ABY paragraph is relevant to the CSF. Their role in that little bit ends very early in the paragraph, and then there's a whole bunch about Daala and Mandalorians.
 * See above comment. Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * See above comment. :^P Everything after "Daala ordered a raid on the Jedi Temple by Mandalorian mercenaries." would be necessary closure if this article were about Daala, but is extraneous and unnecessary in regards to the CSF. After their role in the situation ends, the article needs to continue staying focused on them. Menkooroo 07:01, November 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 07:37, November 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * "A prime example was when he said the reason he did not receive answers for his inquiry on why politicians were always trying to keep something hidden from the public, was that the only other sentients in the room were politicians. Divo was very logical and analytical." That's a very long run-on sentence. I think it might be better to drop it entirely; noting that he had a dry sense of humor is enough without giving a really long and slightly play-by-play account of exactly what he said.
 * True, adjustment made. Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Divo seemed to dislike paperwork" --- can you reword it without the speculative "seemed"? Maybe something like "showed a dislike for" or something?
 * Done. Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * In Ottegru Gray's quote attribution, can you mention who he's talking about?
 * I don't know, I got the quote of his page and it doesn't say. Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. --Jinzler 16:50, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Palpatine used these funds for the war effort" --- which war? Palpatine ruled the galaxy during two.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is it known who gound Grey controversial? Or is the "controversial" claim a little bit of original research/POV?
 * Its based on the statement that people never could figure out who he was really loyal to but yet he seemed completely dedicated to the job at hand. I got that from his databank entry.Coruscantfan 15:19, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Lon Shevu: Information from Sacrifice and Revelation is sourced to Bloodlines.
 * Sources added.Coruscantfan 16:38, November 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Can you source specific info from each book, sticking the references throughout the paragraph in order to indicate which info is specifically from which book? That's preferable to just sticking all three references at the end of the paragraph, which is a bit misleading.

I know that some of the statements at the beginning of the paragraph are pretty general and could probably be sourced to all three, but it's OK to stick two or three references after certain sentences within the paragraph. As a ridiculous example, "Joe liked hot dogs.[1][2] He once ate seven hot dogs.[2] Fred didn't trust him because of his hot dog love.[2][3]" Make sense? You might want to consider doing this with Jaller Obrim, too.

Also, everything from "He was accidentally killed..." should be exclusively sourced to Invincible, actually, which currently isn't sourced at all. Menkooroo 07:01, November 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 07:37, November 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * I think the article would really benefit from an Equipment section. Currently, there's no info on what kind of weapons the CSF used throughout its history, and although armor is mentioned a few times, there's no elaboration or detail on it. Other organization FA's have the section, such as Dark Side Elite, Clone shadow trooper, and Sun Guard, and I feel like it would be a really handy addition to this one, too. It would require quite a bit of work, going through a lot of sources again, but such is the nature of ensuring an article is the best that it can be.
 * I agree, I'm going to rename Transportation to Equipment and use that as the building block. I've got most of the information, I'm just waiting for a request for more information to come back before I put it into the article. Coruscantfan 03:14, November 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Awesome, keep me updated. Menkooroo 07:01, November 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 23:48, November 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Looks really good! A little nitpicky of me, but there are three consecutive sentences in the first paragraph that noticeably use "also." Can you vary the wording up? Also, check out one more objection below... Menkooroo 07:05, November 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan 14:34, November 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * There was a lot of tense shifting between past and present in "Behind the scenes". I consistitized it, but take a look at the edit I made.
 * Looks good. Coruscantfan 03:14, November 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * That's all! A really good job on an unconventional and slightly abstract FAN. Kudos to you for tackling a lengthy subject with such a multitude of sources for your first FA, and also for sticking with it over the course of two nominations. I hope that you keep writing featured articles for Wookieepedia. :D Menkooroo 06:13, November 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I appreciate it! I hope everyone will enjoy reading about it as much as I enjoyed writing about it! :-) Coruscantfan 03:14, November 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Why'd you purge the categories? They were all applicable. Category:Coruscant Security Force officers is not. Menkooroo 07:05, November 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * I purged the categories because I created Category:Coruscant Security Force and it is listed as a subcategory under Republic org. Imp military units NR org. and GA org. So CSF is still listed under those categories, just as a sub category. And if you go to the Category:Coruscant Security Force officers, you'll see that I've listed CSF at the very beginning and outside of the alphabetical list. I've seen that done in other lists where you have the organization listed at the beginning and then followed by the members in alphabetical order. Examples: Category:Corellian Security Force officers and Category:Senate Guards. So yes, they are all applicable and are still listed. :-) Coruscantfan 14:34, November 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't think it's necessary to create a separate category for "Coruscant Security Force Officers" --- for example, Dark Side Elite has the single category "Dark Side Elite" which includes both the organization and its members. Ditto Imperial Knights and a buncha others. Also, Dark Side Elite is an example of an organization FA that includes all applicable categories --- it includes Category:Dark Side Elite as well as Category:Dark side organizations, even though the former falls within the latter. For completeness's sake, I think it's best to list all applicable categories, even if one of them falls within others. Also not to create a separate "members of" category. Make sense? Menkooroo 14:57, November 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well the category for "CSF officers" was around before the CSF category. I want to keep the members category though because while I understand what you're saying, I really don't see much of a difference with having members listed between the Organized Crime Unit and a blaster or having them in a separate subcategory all neat and tidy. The Imperial Knights and Dark Side Elite categories list the organization and its members, but my CSF category lists, equipment, police ranks, vehicles, locations, units, droids, and few other random things. Also considering that under Category:Police there are several other categories that have the members of well known/major police forces listed separately from the general list of police officers, it would just be neater to have CSF officers in a category of their own. The point is to have them listed under the CSF category. But I do agree with placing the categories back on the CSF article itself so I'll go ahead and do that. Coruscantfan 17:18, November 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Compromise! :D Menkooroo 00:54, November 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Crap, one more. The article doesn't list Star by Star as an appearance, yet sources Star by Star in saying "This left the defense to the PDF and the CSF," "the PDF and CSF continued their fight from rooftops and airspeeders," and "most were wiped out by the overwhelming attack." Is this information (specifically regarding the role of the CSF) actually from Star by Star, or is it conjecture? Menkooroo 00:54, November 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Simple oversight on my part in that I didn't list it... listed now. :-) Coruscantfan 01:14, November 29, 2010 (UTC)

Jujiggum is back

 * "Higher ranking officers could also wear a strap over their right shoulder that would be attached to their utility belt. They would also have markings on their sleeves denoting ranks." "Could also" and "would be" are provisional terms. Did they or didn't they? Was it or wasn't it?
 * Both. TCW shows Divo as having them, however the Clone Commando series says they didn't and describes lower ranking officers as looking more like the picture I have under the Galactic Republic section. Which is why I said they could, but apparently didn't have to. Coruscantfan 21:45, December 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, could you explain that in better detail, then? Clarify that it was optional? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 22:19, December 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yep, better? Coruscantfan 02:08, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * A couple grammar things I noticed: remember that when listing three things, such as saying "For large deployments, SWAT raids, or riot response&hellip;" the second one needs to be followed by a comma (Before, that section read "For large deployments, SWAT raids or riot response&hellip;" which is incorrect) I've fixed several such occurances in the part that I copyedited, but please go through the rest of the article and fix the rest of these instances.
 * Looks good. Coruscantfan 21:45, December 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll continue with "Relationship with other law enforcement." Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 20:06, December 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Good cause I've got questions in that area if you could bear with me: The CSF saw the Jedi as traitors for trying to remove, not Palpatine, but the "institution" of the Supreme Chancellor but the CSF didn't like Palpatine because he didn't give them resources especially during the Empire something the CSF Moff commanders didn't like either. So this was a root cause for many CSF agents becoming rebel spies and for a Unidentified CSF Moff getting killed and Moff Kadir getting involved in the Anti-Sith conspiracy. So under Affiliation I've listed the Rebel Alliance but as a various elements and as unofficially. Also I've addressed this at the end of the Clone Wars section and in the Galactic Empire section. The question is, does it all make sense and fit together? Coruscantfan 02:08, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * I understand what you're asking here, but I don't see at all what you mean in the passage itself. You haven't done anything to explain these circumstances at all within this section that I can see; please do so. The infobox is fine as is, though. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 03:16, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * But would mentioning it under Relationship w/ other l.e. be overkill if I talk about it under Clone Wars and Empire? Coruscantfan 04:23, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't think so; it is an important fact about their relationship with other law enforcement, which is what that section is about. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 04:39, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, judging by the objections below the section needs a rewrite anyways. Coruscantfan 05:05, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Just saw a change you made in the Responsibilities section: please don't link categories in the main body. If we don't have an actual mainspace article for the subject, either create one, or, if it doesn't actually need an article, just leave it unlinked. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 22:19, December 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sorry, I'd seen it done before. Removed. Coruscantfan 02:08, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * You have all of this: "During the Galactic Republic, certain Jedi would at times assist the CSF, though this was not as common during the time of the New Republic and the Galactic Alliance." sourced to Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter. But that novel is not a source for the Jedi not assisting the CSF very often during the New Republic or Galactic Alliance eras.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 05:55, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, now you've removed that information. The information was worth stating there; it just needed to be sourced to something that actually said it. Unless you removed it because you couldn't find a source for it? Also, check your grammar here, please. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 23:27, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * No, I removed it because I didn't like how it would fit into the paragraph because it never actually mentions CSF. What's wrong with the grammer? Coruscantfan 19:18, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sorry this comment was meant for Sinube. I removed it here but wrote at the end of the paragraph about the GA. Coruscantfan 19:42, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, I saw that you mentioned the GA. However, you have removed what you said before. Before, you said that the Jedi didn't help the GA or the New Republic as much as they did the Old Republic. Now you say nothing of the sort in regards to the topic. You just mention that some members of CSF still resented the need for Jedi assistance. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 01:32, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah. No, it was written due to the silence on the subject from the sources not the lack of sources but I have no way to source that to just one source so I removed it. Coruscantfan 02:57, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah, ok. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 03:14, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * "However it was not uncommon for Jedi to assist the CSF in investigations and crime fighting." I'm confused; you basically just made one claim, and then refuted it. You said in the preceeding sentences that it was uncommon for the Jedi to help the CSF during any era except the Old Republic, and then you say that it was common for them to help the CSF (not specifying any era at all).
 * Done. Coruscantfan 05:55, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * The "would" here is in the plain conditional tense, not the past conditional, and so does not produce a certain statement. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 23:27, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm assuming you are referring to During the time of the Galactic Republic, certain Jedi would assist the CSF in crime fighting on Coruscant? Because this is not a conditional its a "past routine". See comment on would below. Coruscantfan 19:18, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Per my own response below. Once again, to avoid the conditional mood and stay strictly within the past tense, you should say "&hellip;certain Jedi assisted the CSF&hellip;" Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 01:32, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Dude, you're killing me. lol Ok I'm just going to go ahead and change it. Moving on! :-) Coruscantfan 02:57, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * The mention of Sinube doesn't really tie in well. Just because he was in expert in the Coruscant underworld doesn't mean he was instantly well-acquainted with the CSF.
 * Removed. Coruscantfan 05:55, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * So, just to clarify, that was an assumption that you made yourself? It isn't stated anywhere that he worked with the CSF? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 23:27, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * No, it never mentions CSF by name. I had him there as an example of a Jedi fighting crime on Coruscant. But it didn't fit well with the re-written paragraph so I removed it.Coruscantfan 19:42, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * "the CSF did little to nothing to stop her." Did they try to stop her at all? If not, then you should just say nothing. If they did, then you should just say that they did very little.
 * Done. Coruscantfan 05:55, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * These tales that CSF officers told: to whom did they tell them? To other CSF members?
 * Clarified. Coruscantfan 05:55, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm seeing a lot of the incorrect grammatical use of "would". When used in a way like you used it here: "This, however, changed with the appearance of the clone shock troopers who would become a secondary police force to the CSF in the form of the Coruscant Guard." changes the tense of the sentence. (Check out my copyedit for some more examples). Make sure you stick strictly to the past tense. Please go through the article and fix all of these that remain.
 * It's still past tense. "Would" is the past tense of will. If I had said "...troopers who will become..." then yes I switched tenses. In the above sentence I'm describing an action that the troopers are going to take, or would take, but its from a past tense perspective. Another example: "Anakin Skywalker would become Darth Vader" is past tense whereas "Anakin Skywalker will become Darth Vader" is future. If I had said, "would you please help" or "I would that you help me" then yes, that is a different story. Coruscantfan 17:06, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Incorrect: your use changes it to the conditional, which is not in the past tense. Saying "they would become" is taking a look at a future condition, and is not staying strictly in the past tense. The correct use of the regular past tense in this situation is simply: "They became&hellip;" The conditional (not past tense) that you currently use is: "They would become&hellip;" And the past conditional (which is usually used in conjunction with a "but," followed by a reason that it didn't happen) is: "They would have become&hellip;" (I just got done taking an English course where we covered this very heavily) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 17:26, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well I admire the fact that you're paying attention in school and care about the writing style. So just a few things to be aware of. A conditional requires an if clause aka the "condition" and a main clause aka the "result". So this sentence can not be classified as a conditional since I have no condition and no result. It is being used as a narrative device. As a narrative device would allows a writer to jump ahead in a linear story and then jump back without interrupting the flow of the writing. Here are a few examples of how it can be used:
 * "It is difficult to see why this intriguing face mask style would fall into oblivion on the art scene.”
 * Date	2010
 * Publication information	Summer2010, Vol. 43 Issue 2, p16-37, 22p
 * Title	Locating the Mano Mask.
 * Author	Adams, Monni mmadams@fas.harvard.edu
 * Source	African Arts
 * “It all seemed to have passed into irrelevance nearly twenty-years later. But the consequences of bygone mistakes have a way of washing up with the tide. And for Richard Chiles, he would find it licking at his heels in the days to come...”
 * Date	2009 (2009)
 * Publication information	., Iss. 133; pg. 280, 17 pgs
 * Title	Sex Kills: From Game Keepers
 * Author	Alexis J Pride
 * Source	Triquarterly
 * “Nature is America's back yard, vast and seemingly limitless, and if the 19th century is about anything, it's about making that back yard—those long and lovely democratic vistas of Walt Whitman—even bigger. " I take SPACE to be the central fact to man born in America, "poet Charles Olson would later say.”
 * Date	2010
 * Publication information	Summer2010, Vol. 79 Issue 3, p54-61, 8p, 1 Color Photograph
 * Title	Voices of a Nation.
 * Author	Wineapple, Brenda
 * Source	American Scholar
 * “The Christmas tree had lost all its needles and looked like something from an alien planet. He would spend the next five days stuck in his office with a handful of cards on the filing cabinet, a half-bottle of whisky in his bottom drawer and mince pies lurking at every corner.”
 * Date	2008 (Dec 22, 2008-Jan 9, 2009)
 * Publication information	. Vol. 137/138, Iss. 4928-4930; pg. 49, 3 pgs
 * Title	Prisoner 2412
 * Author	Anthony Horowitz
 * Source	New Statesman
 * “The social extravaganzas were attended by such luminaries as the Duke of Sussex, the Bishop of London, poet Samuel Coleridge and landscape painter J.M.W Turner. Barbara Hofland, a guest, would write that at the event figures emerged like ghosts from the "deep masses of shadows " and candles shone " like lustrous halos round marble heads, "creating an effect " as in a dream of the poet's elysium."
 * Date	2008 (Jun 2008)
 * Publication information	. Vol. 39, Iss. 3; pg. 60, 10 pgs
 * Title	SMALL WONDERS
 * Author	Tony Perrottet
 * Source	Smithsonian
 * “The moment is captured in the play " Thurgood " now at Washingtons Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. LAURENCE-FISHBURNE: Only one thing can justify continued segregation. And that is a determination that the people who were once held in slavery be kept as near to that condition as is possible. And now is the time for the court to make it clear that that is not what the Constitution of the United States stands for. JEFFREY-BROWN: Thurgood Marshall would go on to become the nation’s first black Supreme Court justice.
 * Date	2010 (100614)
 * Title	PBS NewsHour For June 14, 2010
 * Source	PBS_NewsHour
 * “(Voiceover) Detective Douglas went on the Internet to look up propofol, the name of the drug on the vials in Michelle's trash. He learned that it was a fast-acting sedative that would render a person unconscious within seconds. Propofol is the same drug that would later be at the center of the investigation into Michael Jackson's death.”
 * Date	2009 (090821)
 * Title	Obsession; Investigation into murder of Michelle Herndon
 * Source	NBC_Dateline
 * Source: Corpus of Contemporary American English. Web. Accessed 6 December, 2010l
 * Now stylistically yes, you are correct in saying that they became may work better. However, how I have used would is correct.Coruscantfan 19:18, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Again, you are not entirely correct. I should have clarified myself better: I was referring to the conditional mood, which does not require an "if clause." For example:
 * "I would be singing." Is a conditional progressive statement.
 * "I would sing." Is a simple conditional statement (the kind you currently use).
 * "I would have sung." Is a conditional perfect statement (which is the proper one to use with the past tense).
 * etc. etc.
 * So no, the conditional mood does not require an "if clause," and it can still change the tense, as your usage currently does. Furthermore, if you agree that "They became" works better stylistically, regardless of whether your current usage is correct or not, then why in the world wouldn't you just change it anyway? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 19:34, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Look, all your examples are correct but they all are in regards to conditionals. There are uses for would beyond conditionals which include narrative devices or past routines. Look up modals for instance it also has a use for would. As to changing the actual sentence I thought I already had. But my issue is that I do not want to change all my uses of would. Coruscantfan 21:22, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * I overlooked that you had changed the sentence; that was my mistake, and I apologize. But the fact remains that your current use of "would"&mdash;obviously not in every instance you use the word, but in many&mdash;is not in the conditional tense, but in the conditional mood, which does in fact change the tesne. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 01:32, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah, ok, no wonder. But even a conditional mood allows for the use of a word in reference to time to discuss the "future" but in the past tense... which is still past tense, and that's the requirement of Wookiepedia, it has to be in the past tense. By the way, just out of curiosity did you get those examples from Wikipedia? ;P Coruscantfan 02:12, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Lol no, those were examples used in my class&hellip;does wikipedia use the same ones? o.O Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 02:18, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah. I was wondering what Wiki said and bumped into them. :P So can this be crossed off seeing as how the sentence was changed? Coruscantfan 02:25, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Facepalm. I could have sworn I'd already crossed this one out&hellip; :P Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 02:30, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll continue with the History section. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 03:16, December 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Regarding the added information about their relationship with Palpatine, etc:
 * Palpatine needs context
 * Added. Coruscantfan 19:59, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've fixed your grammar here for you; please be more careful about it in the future. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 01:32, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * That was an asyndeton. It was fine. But thanks for noticing! :-) Coruscantfan 02:19, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, an asyndeton is a fine literary device, but since it involves the omission of a conjunction from where you would normally put one, it often leads to what appears to be a rather basic grammar mistake that looks very unprofessional, and is therefore not entirely encyclopedic; so I've found that we tend to avoid it. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 02:26, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * "So uncivilized." lol Fine... Coruscantfan 02:41, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Why did the CSF dislike him?
 * Added. Coruscantfan 19:59, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * The CSF did not partake in Order 66 itself, as you suggest. That was a directive solely for the clones of the GAR, IIRC
 * Actually they did. The directive itself was for the GAR, yes. But the CSF had a standing directive to aid Jedi. During Order 66 the directive was changed to that if they saw Jedi they were to report it and assist GAR clones in the hunt for Jedi. Coruscantfan 19:59, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Gotcha, my mistake then. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 01:32, December 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Could you use something less colloquial and more descriptive than "feelings"?
 * Better? Coruscantfan 19:59, December 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Get those, and then I'll continue with History. :P Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 23:27, December 6, 2010 (UTC)