Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Oric Harfard


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Oric Harfard

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:11, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: It would seem that I lied about not having any more Outcast noms. Oh well, I've gotta do something to keep myself busy.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:33, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 04:21, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:14, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:21, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Cloned
 * 2) * "where he got into an argument": too colloquial.
 * 3) **Changed.
 * 4) * "Mon Calamari Master Claghari" is too much context. Is the species really necessary?
 * 5) **Removed.
 * 6) * "Cilghal delayed him": delayed who?
 * 7) **Specified.
 * 8) * The "natural dislike" isn't really appropriate; unless it states that he intended to dislike the Jedi all along, it's not the best wording choice. I would suggest removing "natural", because it's not the clearest choice of words, and it implies too much, such as if he was actually born to hate the Jedi.
 * 9) **Removed.
 * 10) * CC7567  (talk) 23:21, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:28, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***I'll put a vote in soon, but I'll be checking over the article again.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "Jedi Knight Seff Hellin, who was suffering from the same disease as Horn, attempted to rescue Horn from the prison": the "Horn"s are slightly redundant here; try to see if you can replace one.  CC7567  (talk) 08:04, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Replaced. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:58, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not an objection, but you ought to unstiffen the prose in the bio some. Change it up a bit. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:33, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I changed some things around a bit; reworded a few things here and there. Feel free to change anything you see fit. Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:52, 27 May 2009 (UTC)