Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Shiv (clone)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Shiv (clone)

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE
 * Nomination comments:For a dude who appears in a six-page web comic (and is only alive for five of them) I think I did a good job.

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 21:17, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Lucius malfoy7 20:20, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:16, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 15:12, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:57, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Thefourdotelipsis 21:44, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Grunny's first look:
 * 2) *Before I start, for future noms: don't source the intro, and put the references after punctuation. Also, it might be a good idea to read the article out loud a few times which can help find grammatical errors and missing words :-).
 * 3) * "Later on in war, Shiv and the rest of his squad was stationed at Glid Station on the frozen world of Orto Plutonia in 22 BBY, which was orbited by the sovereign moon of Pantora populated by the Pantorans, which had remained allied to the Galactic Republic during the Clone Wars." This sentence should be broken up and reworded.
 * 4) * General Grievous needs context.
 * 5) * You need to mention Obi-Wan and Anakin are Jedi in the bio.
 * 6) * You need to mention that Shiv was a clone cold assault trooper in the bio, also mention the GAR. There should be no info in the intro that isn't covered in the article body.
 * 7) * Clone Wars could do with a little more context connecting the Separatists and the republic as the combatants, in both the intro and bio.
 * 8) * Underlinking: Make sure you link once in the intro and once in the bio.
 * 9) * "However, Shiv's stay at Glid Station was also filled with many problems." This doesn't really flow on well from the information provided in the previous paragraph, reword.
 * 10) **Not really sure how you want me to reword it, I thought it sounded find, check now Kilson Likes PIE 19:59, 15 March 09 (UTC)
 * 11) *I'll re-review after you address these.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:50, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Check now about the other stuff man. Kilson Likes PIE 19:59 15 March 09 (UTC)
 * 13) Lucius's Look
 * 14) * There is a redlink for hatchmate... You should either create a page or say "fellow clone troop" (etc.)
 * 15) * Perhaps split up biography into separate sections.
 * 16) * A picture of the databoard Shiv was writing on (I can find a picture if you can't) should be placed into the article.
 * 17) **If you can upload one, please do, I can't find one. Kilson Likes PIE 15:08, 19 March 09 (UTC)
 * 18) ***I found this image, which may help: [[File:Shiv databoard.png]] . Lucius malfoy7 20:20, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****The image isn't working, I keep getting redlinks every time I try to put it up. Someone probably deleted it. Kilson Likes PIE 01:36, 21 March 09 (UTC)
 * 20) * The last paragraph in the bio sounds a little bit like a play-by-play... It could all be summed up in about two, maybe three sentences.
 * 21) *Other than these, excellent job. Lucius malfoy7 18:43, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **I think the last paragraph is needed to explain what happened to the rest of Glid station, to explain what the ice men were and to tell what happened to them, and why the Talz killed the clones in the first place. I did shorten it a little though, so please check now. Kilson Likes PIE 15:08, 19 March 09 (UTC)
 * 23) Grunny's second look:
 * 24) * "During the war between the Galactic Republic and Confederacy of Independent Systems, Shiv had a fellow clone trooper named Flanker that died during the Battle of Christophsis." This sentence seems a bit meaningless in the intro at the moment. You need to provide context as to why that information is important.
 * 25) * "During the war Shiv had a fellow clone trooper named Flanker who he enjoyed writing letters too, even after his death at the Battle of Christophsis." This could be worded better, and the uses "he" and "his" currently makes it confusing as to who died at Christophsis.
 * 26) * "Shiv's stay at Glid Station was filled with many problems. First, his squad's rations were not shipped in insulated canisters, and due to the extreme cold, they were frozen solid." You could combine these two sentences together, to make the writing style more complex, and you could probably replace the "First" with something like "such as" or similar, as you don't follow up with a "Second".
 * 27) * "However, Chairman Chi Cho wanted the Talz to leave the planet immediately, which resulted in a battle between the Republic and Pantoran forces on the planet and the Talz colony, but after Cho died in the fighting, Chuchi was able to negotiate peace with the Talz." This should be broken up.
 * 28) * Grunny  ( Talk ) 08:54, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **I got it, and thanks with all your help on the Skirmish on Tatooine nom :-). Kilson Likes PIE 13:31, 28 March 09 (UTC)
 * 30) * You should mention that "Shiv" is a nickname in the bio.
 * 31) * "During Shiv's training, he and Flanker had always thought that he would be shipped off to a water world after all the desert training he got, so Shiv found it funny that he was stationed on a ice planet instead." Confusing as to who the "he"'s refer to.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 10:22, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Addressed dude. Kilon Likes PIE
 * 33) ***It sounded slightly redundant/colloquial, so I reworded it to, "During their desert training, Shiv and Flanker had always thought that Shiv would be shipped off to a water planet, so Shiv found it amusing that he was stationed instead on a ice planet." If you think it sounded best the first time, you can change it back, because I should have consulted you first. (Sorry.) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 05:09, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Don't worry CC, it sounds fine. Kilson Likes PIE 07:10, 11 April 09
 * 35) The intro doesn't need the episode summary. It has little to do with Shiv himself. This article needs to be about Shiv himself, not the base and the events. Let me know when you've fixed the intro and any corresponding extraneous info in the body of the article so that I might give it a proper review.  Graestan ( Talk ) 13:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *As I explained to Lucius earlier, I need the info to explain why Shiv was killed by the Talz, and I believe explaining that has to do with Shiv himself. However, I see what you are saying, so I shortened up the last paragraph even more and got rid of the corresponding infro in the intro. Kilson Likes PIE 19:16, 22 April 09 (UTC)
 * 37) "After taking the letter from Shiv and reading it, Mag asked if Flanker was Shiv's hatchmate and where he was stationed, to which Shiv reluctantly replied that Flanker died at Christophsis." - That's a tiny bit play by play. Thefourdotelipsis 09:34, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *I got rid of that sentence and moved it to the P&T, because it showed that he was reluctant to tell others about Flanker. Kilson Likes PIE 07:52, 2 May 09 (UTC)
 * Might want to take a quick touch-up look next time; I found some spelling errors. Other than that, it looks fine to me. One other thing: even though there's a bit of leeway for redlinks, you might want to consider creating an article for "hatchmate" (or direct it to something related), since you used it twice. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 21:17, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not really that sure what a hatchmate is. It probably is something to do with the cloning chambers on Kamino, but I can't be sure, and I don't really want to write an entire article on conjecture. Kilson Likes PIE 19:59 15 March 09 (UTC)