Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Nyna Calixte


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(6 Inqs/4 Users/10 Total)
Support
 * 1)  StarNeptune Talk to me! 04:07, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thanks, Star!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Seems much improved now and a good job on an article with not much information on them. --  Riffsyphon  1024 04:08, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Nice job, Star.  Greyman ( Talk ) 04:07, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Seems above adequate Enochf 21:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Glad to see this one up to par. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:43, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Who keeps Kamino off the maps? Who keeps the Yuuzhan Vong under wraps? We doooo, we doooo!  Graestan ( Talk ) 21:44, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:12, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Imperialles 00:45, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Infobox not fully sourced.
 * 3) * Can we get the introduction condensed into a smaller number of larger paragraphs, please?
 * 4) * Tense and OOU issues in the Early Life section.
 * 5) * Choppy prose and small paragraphs in the Sith-Imperial War section.
 * 6) * "After Calixte and Veed celebrated what they thought was Veed's promotion to Emperor, Calixte snuck over to Roal Fel's quarters and informed him to flee." Roal? Also, the second clause should be rewritten.
 * 7) * Small paragraphs that can be blended together in the P%T and Equipment sections as well.
 * 8) * Quotes in prose in the P&T section?
 * 9) *Unfortunately, without knowing that much about the Legacy comics, that's all I can offer.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:52, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) Toprawa:
 * 11) * Per other user objections infobox needs to be fully sourced. Including, please, the gender and species.
 * 12) * Also per previous user objections, no reason, in this case, to have two one-sentence paragraphs. Tack each onto the front and end of the middle paragraphs, respectively
 * 13) * Please reword this: "and she and Veed then plotted to place Veed on the Imperial throne"
 * 14) **Done. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:22, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Two things with this. First, it needs to be rewritten into past tense; secondly, consider removing this entirely. Is it truly an IU axiom that little is known about her, or do we just know about her OOU because no other sources deal with her past? "Little has been recorded about the early life of Nyna Calixte."
 * 16) **That is no longer there.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***It is still there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:42, 4 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ****My bad. I thought i had removed it. To answer your original question, it's a little of both. I have reworded it.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:14, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Are there alternative reasons why they feel she reached this position? If so, please include: "although some of her colleagues on the Moff Council claimed that she had not earned the honor through merit alone."
 * 20) **That's all that been revealed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Please rewrite or remove to avoid improper OOU/present tense tone.: "As far as it can be verified,"
 * 22) * Please avoid weasel words like "apparently." Did she despise her, or did she not? Make sure this isn't too speculative: "Gunn apparently despised her mother"
 * 23) **I was on crack when I wrote that. Gunn is explicity shown to hate her mother. Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Having never read these sources, I don't know what's going on here. Please elaborate on why the Empire was approached, keeping in mind articles should be written towards the casual reader: "When the new Sith Order first approached the Empire, they did so through her."
 * 25) **I fixed these (and the following few objections) while trying to focus on Nyna and not the war.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * A few things here. The article could benefit from an explanation of what's going on here; i.e, what were her motives in allying with the Sith? Why were the other Moffs needing manipulation? Who is Roan Fel? "She manipulated the other Moffs into allying with the Sith behind Roan Fel's back,"
 * 27) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * You give a brief explanation of Fel here, in his second mention. This should be applied to his initial mention. And, you keep referring to him by his full name, which is unnecessary. Just "Fel" will suffice: "In 130 ABY, the Emperor Roan Fel"
 * 29) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * This ties in with the previous two objections. You just kind of write this assuming the reader knows the details of the S-I war. Don't assume anything. What kind of conspiracy is this? "the extent of the Sith conspiracy"
 * 31) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Ditto with the previous objections. Without an explanation of the war, this is very confusing. When did the GA get involved? "...that the Galactic Alliance"
 * 33) * Elaborate on what happened at Ossus, to provide a better explanation of why she is apologizing: "Calixte expressed her disapproval to Darth Maladi about the Massacre at Ossus"
 * 34) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * At this point, honestly, I'm lost. When and how did Veed apparently becoming Emperor in their eyes? "After Calixte and Veed celebrated what they thought was Veed's promotion to Emperor"
 * 36) **Fixed. 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Again, confusing. I thought she was expecting Veed to become Emperor? "she informed him that she knew that Darth Krayt was going to install himself as Emperor"
 * 38) **Clarified (hopefully).  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * Please give a brief description of who Antares Draco is: "secretly making his escape with Antares Draco"
 * 40) **Imperial Knight. Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) * By the final paragraph in the S-I War section, I have no idea what you're even trying to say, or what's going on. I would suggest rewriting the section completely, again keeping in mind that if I, a dedicated SW fan, has no idea what's happening, imagine a casual visitor to this site.
 * 42) **I write articles with the intent that the reader clicks on the links provided if they want more information. I guess I shouldn't do that. :P  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ***It reads much better now. And yeah, don't rely on links, i.e. other people, to do your writing for you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:06, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Please elaborate on who Hosk Trey'lis is and why he's being interrogated: "she attended the interrogation of Hosk Trey'lis in Darth Maladi's laboratory..."
 * 45) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Don't assume the reader knows what The Wheel is. Give a brief explanation of it: "After viewing one of Calixte's security cam feeds from the Wheel, they discovered that the Wheel was Cade's last known location"
 * 47) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * If possible, it would be good to specify what she used exactly: "but not before she sprayed him with a gas"
 * 49) * If known, please explain what class of ship: "Corde then proceeded to carry Torlin back to his ship, the Raider"
 * 50) **I'm not good with ship stuff, so I couldn't tell you unless it was specifically stated somewhere.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * You don't explain until much farther down in the paragraph that both of the ships are apparently shuttles of some sort. Please identify them upon their first mention: "She explained that there were two ships parked at the Wheel: one belong to Admiral Stazi of the Galactic Alliance, and the other was a ship that had defected to Roan Fel's faction of the Empire"
 * 52) * This seems speculative, from what I can gather. If you really can't prove that he's dead, don't speculate: " apparently killing him."
 * 53) **That was an artifact left over from the Morrigan Corde article that I had missed. Removed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * Please reword: "that Gunn was one of the ones who..."
 * 55) **Done. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:34, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * The way this is written suggests that the person who informed Veed is also the one hiring Corde, but it seems like you're referring to Calixte: "Upon sharing this info with Morlish Veed, he promptly hired Morrigan Corde"
 * 57) **Clarified. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:34, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * Where is the Sith Temple? I can assume it is on Coruscant from the article, but please specify: "to remove Cade from the Sith Temple"
 * 59) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * Please explain why she wants these: "that he turn over to her the three dozen Yuuzhan Vong thud bugs"
 * 61) **It is explained a bit later in the article; is this really necessary? Graestan ( Talk ) 02:35, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * In that same sentence, briefly give an explanation of what Black Sun is
 * 63) **Done. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:34, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * Is "predator" a special term to describe his forces/agents? If so, specify: "to pull his predators off the Temple on her signal"
 * 65) **Its referring to the ships under his command.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) ***Please specify this in the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:06, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ****Changed to "Predator-class fighter." Graestan ( Talk ) 02:35, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * Naturally, I can assume what you mean here, but please elaborate: "After Veed made some unwanted advances toward her, she left"
 * 69) **~sigh~ Do I have to write a porno? :P  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ***I insist! ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:06, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * As Calixte switches off between using her own name and the Corde identity, you alternate between writing from the perspective of either name. For example, here: After she left Veed's apartment, Corde then located Cade's friends..." This is unnecessary, and mildly confusing. When she switches to the Corde identity, don't continue to refer to her as such. Make a mention initially that she has made the change, and then keep describing her as Calixte only. Please rewrite the appropriate sentences.
 * 72) **I have replaced all relevant "Corde"s with "Calixte"s.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) ***Nice job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:00, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * Briefly describe who these people are that they are arguing with: "Blue and Syn were locked in an argument with Kee and Chak over Cade's ship"
 * 75) **Smugglers. Done.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * Explain what a boom bug is: "and others act as "boom bugs.""
 * 77) **Bugs that go BOOM! Jariah Syn lives for Boom, you know! :P Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) * As I progress through the article, I'm seeing increasingly more instances of play-by-play. Specifically, this paragraph. Please rewrite: "Corde then tasked Syn with keying a specific bug to follow Cade, etc."
 * 79) **I did a text search, but couldn't find that specific sentence you mentioned. Regardless, I cleaned up the second part of the article to clear up the "play-by-play" objection in general. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) * You keep placing quotes around the term "boom bug." Unless this is done so explicitly in the source, doing so on each mention is unnecessary: "then to move the "boom bugs" near a hangar"
 * 81) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * Please reword one of the Calixtes: "Back at Calixte's apartment, Calixte was in the middle of taking a shower"
 * 83) **Fixed.
 * 84) * Please note how in this same paragraph, starting "Back at Calixte's apartment," you have five sentences that start off the exact same way. "Corde then did this...Veed then did this...So and so then did this, etc." This is what I mean by instances of PBP, where things get very listy. Please rewrite.
 * 85) **I've rewritten that entire part of the article, so that clears up this, I hope. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * Please rewrite. The use of "Sith" becomes obtrusive: "about the Sith coup in 130 ABY, thus betraying the Sith"
 * 87) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * Inappropriate use of tense. Sounds very OOUish. Additionally, sounds very speculative. Unless the story substantiates this solidly, please remove: "...and as far it is known, has told no one about her identity as Morrigan Corde."
 * 89) **Well, considering that she has kept it even from Veed, who is the person closest to her (well, as close as she gets, anyway), I would say it's pretty certain that no one else knows. It's still too early to say for sure, though.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) ***In that case, I would definitely say remove it. This comes of as being rather ORish. This sounds like something that would do better to fit in the BTS, where OR/speculative info like this is more appropriate. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:09, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) ****Removed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) * This just ties in with the previous objection of saying she "apparently" despised her mother. This sentence suggests it was indeed true. Keep uniformity: "For her part, Gunn despised her mother"
 * 93) **Like I said, I was on crack. ~shrugs~  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) * Inappropriate OOU tense: "Calixte had once stated to Roan Fel that she has had some success in shielding her thoughts from Force users, even though there has been no evidence to suggest she was Force-sensitive."
 * 95) **Reworded.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) ***The sentence is still problematic. "has" has a very "nowish" tone to it, rather than a purely past tense tone. Additionally, the final clause referring to no evidence that she is Force-sensitive still lacks the appropriate IU tone. "Calixte has had some success in shielding her thoughts from Force users, even though there has been no evidence to suggest she was Force-sensitive." Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:09, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 97) * And, per Acky's comments below, these two sentences don't do the Calixte character enough credit to warrant their own section. Please move them unto the P&T
 * 98) * You need to provide a source for this information: "As Morrigan Corde, she had two distinguishing pieces of equipment; the first being her comm devices, and the second being her choker containing the holo of her family. Her comm devices were located on her face, and there were two of them: one under her left eye, and the other on her chin. It remains unknown exactly how they functioned."
 * 99) **I remember seeing it in a forum post by Jan Duursema. I'll go dig it up after work.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) ***K, I sourced it.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 05:51, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 101) * This is an incomplete sentence: "Nyna Calixte was created by John Ostrander and Jan Duursema was first mentioned in Star Wars Legacy 0."
 * 102) **That was rectified by someone who was not me. Thanks, whoever you are! :D  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 103) * Please reword this clause: " which the scene was written in a way in that the reader is the only person privy to the secret"
 * 104) **Rewrote.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) * Not really an objection, but there seems to be enough concrete evidence that Calixte is the real persona, since we place the article under that name. Perhaps some kind of explanation discussing this? "but it remains unclear at this point which persona is the "real" one."
 * 106) **We don't know if Nyna or Morrigan (or neither) is her real name. I only put it at Calixte because IU, she is the more public persona.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) *Some final suggestions:
 * 108) *Per what I said about the SI War section, no matter how obvious the info may seem, never assume the reader knows what is going on. Make sure you write with the ignorant in mind, explaining who and what things are.
 * 109) *Also, per Wookification, please place referencing after punctuation. I've cleaned these instance up for you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:41, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) **I've cleared up your remaining objections, Tope. Let me know if there are any more. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) ***Nice job, Grey. Thanks. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:39, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 112) From Imperialles:
 * 113) * Image:Nyna Maladi Labo.jpg: Distorted. Get someone (Redemption) to re-scan it.
 * 114) **Red has since rescanned this...a while ago, actually. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 19:05, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) * Image:Morrigan holo.jpg: Minor scan distortions at the bottom of the image. Ideally, it should be re-scanned.
 * 116) **Re-uploaded. Hopefully the minor scan distortions you noted are now gone. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 19:05, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 117) * Image:Morrigan commdevices.JPG: Needs to be cropped.
 * 118) **Is cropped. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 13:08, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) * What's the source for the pronunciation?
 * 120) **It's in the BTS.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 05:51, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 121) **Per current FAs, such as Wes Janson, I've placed a ref tag in the intro to source the pronunciation. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) * Is it really necessary to split up the BTS section like that?
 * 123) **Not really. Fixed. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:22, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * --Imperialles 21:41, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "Prior to the Sith-Imperial War, Calixte was using the persona of Morrigan Corde, and was working as an agent for Imperial Intelligence." Too many was ('s).
 * 3) **Is this better?  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * The third paragraph of the intro just reads awkwardly. Please fix the prose.
 * 5) **There is no third paragraph anymore. Someone (probably me) merged it into the second one.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Little has been recorded about the early life of Nyna Calixte." Should be "little was..."
 * 7) **Removed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "However, prior to the Sith-Imperial War, she was using the name Morrigan Corde and was employed as an Imperial Intelligence agent." Rephrase.
 * I, and several others that I have queried on this matter, say this reads fine. Please state what exactly what you feel is wrong with it?  StarNeptune Talk to me! 05:51, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) ***Actually, it seems fine to me now.
 * 2) * Why do you all her "Morrigan" sometimes and Morrigan others?
 * 3) **On crack. Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * De-link quote in "Sith-Imperial War".
 * 5) **Done.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "...despised her mother for leaving her and her father and entering into an affair with Morlish Veed." She had an affair with Veed? Where did that come from? Please give context.
 * 7) **Wee-bit-O context added at the end of that sentence for you, Chack. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "...at his apartment." Is this necessary?
 * 9) **Why not? They could have been at her place, or at a bar/restaurant.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Once Darth Krayt had installed himself on the throne after killing Roan Fel's double, he sent Maladi to Calixte's quarters to get the Moff to explain herself." Explain herself for what? Krayt knew about the double?
 * 11) **No, not that she was a double. I've added a little bit of context to explain what Calixte was supposed to "explain". Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * In "Search for Skywalker", state that Maladi does not know about her double identity. It seems as though she does.
 * 13) **Stated. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * "...then proceeded to tie the still-unconscious Torlin to a chair and familiarize herself with the ship and it weapons." It weapons?
 * 15) **Fixed the minor typo.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:14, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Corde then tasked Syn with keying a specific spy bug to follow Cade, park another spy bug outside Krayt's chambers, then to move the boom bugs near a hangar at the Sith Temple." Remove one of the thens.
 * 17) **Done.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * No offense, but the prose in the lone paragraph of Aftermath is just bad.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:06, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) **Better?  StarNeptune Talk to me! 17:37, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) Eyrezer:
 * 21) * There seems to be quite a bit of info in the quote in the first section of the body that is not in the actual text. Can this info be added to the text, perhaps about her indecision, or not seeing Cade before she left etc.
 * 22) **Added this information for you, Ey. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * I could be wrong on this, but wasn't part of the reason she left Yage because he wasn't ambitious enough for her? If IIRC, then this should be added in. I'll try and check this myself if I get the chance.
 * 24) **Hmm. I think I had the family dinner at the restaurant in mind, and looking at the text at best it would be implied. Any thoughts, Star?
 * 25) ***Hm, I reviewed that part, where they are at dinner, and I didn't see anything said directly. If you'd like it added implication added in, Ey, I'll work it in somehow. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 11:54, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Technically, this is still under spoiler warning, so navigate with care.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 04:07, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Good to have you back in action, Toney! :-D Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:50, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Neptune, I would suggest merging the powers and abilities section with the P&T, unless it can be expanded; there isn't, IMHO, enough info there atm to warrant its own section.-- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:24, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I won't make this an objection per se but the article seems rather...void of life. By life I mean images. You can probably put in one more in each section (minus early life as it's short and aligned with the infobox.) -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:19, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Working on that now.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 05:51, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I've cleared up all outstanding objections on this, so it would appreciated if more Inq will now review it. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 20:27, 4 April 2008 (UTC)