Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Raid on Ziro's Palace


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Raid on Ziro's Palace

 * Nominated by:  JMAS  Hey, it's me!
 * Nomination comments: Now that I got my feet wet, I've diving in.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1) How could I not? :P  CC7567  (talk) 04:50, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 23:52, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 03:52, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:00, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:01, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:47, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Four Dot
 * 2) * "After Senator Padmé Amidala informed her protocol droid, C-3PO, that she had been captured and detained at Ziro the Hutt's palace for discovering the Hutt's affiliation with Count Dooku, leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems." - This sentence doesn't quite work.
 * 3) **Wow, should've caught that one. Removed the "After". -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "Using Ziro's comm equipment, the senator was also able to communicate with Jabba the Hutt, who had been ignoring communications from the Republic during this time due to his mistaken belief that the Republic intended to wipe out his entire clan, allowing her to prove that the Republic was not plotting against Jabba by exposing Ziro's hand in the true plot against him, masterminded by Dooku." - A tad unwieldy. Condense, split, at your discretion.
 * 5) **Done. Split it up. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *A little bit too much detail on Padmé's actions in the prelude section. Give more of an overview.
 * 7) **It seems necessary to me though, as she was the primary reason that the raid happening in the first place. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:27, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Ah, yeah, I mean more the really minor details, like the exact specifics of how she was captured, who she shot, etc. Since it's not what the article's about, you just need to be a touch more brief there. Let me know if you need some specific examples. Thefourdotelipsis 23:26, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ****I gotcha. I trimmed it down some. Does it work for ya now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:38, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Excellent. Thefourdotelipsis 23:52, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "After a blaster bolt flew by his head and hit the wall behind him," - But too PBP.
 * 12) **Reworded it. How's that look now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "With a great deal of sarcasm in her voice, Amidala told Ziro she did believe him." - Also too PBP.
 * 14) **Removed it. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *Otherwise fine. Thefourdotelipsis 00:55, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * JMAS, just a note: the film isn't a ref for the date; the novel is. Thought I'd leave it to you to change it.  CC7567  (talk) 23:32, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the tip. Got that sorted out now. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:22, 21 May 2009 (UTC)