Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;not be tagged due to an excessive number of redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Peragus II

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second nomination; I've looked over last nomination's faults and, to my beliefs, addressed them. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 19:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:56, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Is good Enochf 10:27, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "Following the events of 3,951 BBY, when the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed due to the Sith Lord Darth Sion's pursuit of the Jedi Exile, and a stray blast from Sion’s ship, the Harbinger, detonating the Peragus asteroid field." Is the "when" in here by mistake, because this sentence makes little sense as is.
 * 3) *"almost destroyed by attempts at" What was almost destroyed? The mining facility or the planet?
 * 4) *"The planet was devoid of any sort of native species, with Peragus II also being devoid of any sort of Human settlements other than the Peragus Mining Facility, a facility sealed to the planets atmosphere other than when exited when wearing a space suit." This reads poorly. Plus, you already mentioned the mining facility; no need to repeat context.
 * 5) *The drift chart info seems unnecessary and can probably be removed.
 * 6) *"The first fuel mining colony established on Peragus II proved to be short of life, when an accidental blaster shot triggered an explosion of flammable substances in Peragus II's crust and mantle, so powerful that it turned a large chunk of the planet into an asteroid field, which would become the Peragus asteroid field, and exposed its core" This bit is confusing and needs to be clarified and written better.
 * 7) *Your referencing is completely unnecessary. If all the info in one paragraph comes from one source, no need to source it multiple times in that paragraph. For example: The second paragraph all comes from KOTOR II. Just have the one source at the end of it, rather than scattered throughout.
 * 8) *Context on Citadel Station.
 * 9) *"After the Jedi Civil War, Telos IV relied on this resource to keep Citadel Station in orbit, and with the most humanitarian elements of the Senate putting their careers at stake in the restoration project, any interruption of the work on the Peragus mining facility was likely to have greater repercussions throughout the Republic. If the fuel supply was somehow compromised, Citadel Station would risk falling onto the planet's surface, dooming the restoration efforts there and throughout the Outer Rim." This is written a bit poorly, and is confusing. The restoration project needs to be explained a bit more.
 * 10) *Context on Kreia.
 * 11) *Rather than having many small pargraphs in the "Skirmish" section, try combining several of them.
 * 12) *What is the Exile's standing with the Jedi?
 * 13) *Context on Goto.
 * 14) *Why did HK-50 want the Exile for himself? To claim the bounty?
 * 15) *Context on Atton Rand, please.
 * 16) *"The destruction of the mining station had a deeper impact than the Exile could imagine." I think this is unnecessary, and it seems OR. Remove it, I'd suggest.
 * 17) *The last sentence of "Aftermath" is really confusing. Who is G0-T0? What is going on?
 * 18) *You refer to it as both the "facility" and the "Facility". Please choose one and stick with it.
 * 19) *When you have an Inhabitants section, there's no need to detail the species that live there earlier. The same with repetitive descriptions of the mining facility.
 * 20) *Linking! You have things that need to be linked, and links that are repeated. I fixed some things for you, but you should do at least some of it yourself.
 * 21) *Having never played this game, I find myself confused at many things described in the article. Please go through, contextify things, and fix up the general prose.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:10, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Alright, I've addressed those. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  08:10, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Attack of the Clone I
 * 24) * Please be careful about what you focus on; the article is about the planet, not about the skirmish on it. Yes, the event was one of the only major events there, but try not to excessively focus on it.
 * 25) * Also, a note for future noms: in the body, be sure to only link to something once at its first mention, even if the body of the article has multiple sections.
 * 26) * "meant that further mining projects were virtually abandoned." Can "meant" be substituted for anything else? Because "meant" is usually used for a statement or something that needs clarification, not an event or action. Perhaps "resulted" or something similar.
 * 27) * In the first paragraph of the "Description" section, the Peragus Mining Facility is mentioned twice, both times with different context. Please change.
 * 28) * "such as the Peragus Mining Facility, which contained a number of miners." The word "contained" makes it sound like the miners were being kept prisoner, or that they were somehow inactive.
 * 29) * "meaning that anyone wishing to visit such places as the Peragus Mining Facility..." See third objection.
 * 30) * Jedi Civil War, Galactic Republic, Telos IV, and Telosian Restoration Project need context. Mandalorian Wars somewhat has context, but it should be fixed up.
 * 31) ** Context still needed for the Republic and the restoration project. Also, the context for the Galactic Republic should appear with the first time it is mentioned; otherwise, it seems confusing if you mention something without context.  CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *** It looks better, but try to mention the context in the same sentence, if possible.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "and miners such as Coorta advocated taking her to Nar Shaddaa to collect the bounty that criminal boss Goto had placed on Jedi." If the word "taking" can be changed to a noun instead of a subject verb, it would sound better.
 * 34) * "and died with the rest of the miners when the droid caused an emergency lockdown to seal off the hangar and keep Coorta from fleeing the Facility with the Exile. First of all, I changed "along" to "with". Also, this part of the sentence is a bit of a run-on; please change.
 * 35) * "Spaceworthy" should be changed to a clearer word.
 * 36) * "As they got to the ship from the docking bridge to the Harbinger, Sith assassins stalked them and Kreia had to duel Darth Sion to allow the others to escape to the hangar through the fuel line." The first part of the sentence goes from "to" to "from" and back to "to" again, which does not seem to make sense. Also, the word "stalked" is too colloquial; please change.
 * 37) * "either incapacitated or incarcerated": try not to speculate. If need be, state it in the "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 38) * For the "Locations" section: when you use "one of two points of interest", you don't mention the second one till a few paragraphs on. It's too big a gap; please change.
 * 39) * The second sentence of the Bts does not make sense; please take a look at it.
 * 40) *I'll take another look after these are addressed. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 03:43, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Fixed, but for your misunderstanding we discussed via the IRC. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:09, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone II
 * 43) *The article is looking good. A few of the objections above remain; please remind me if we covered them over IRC. Just a few more things:
 * 44) * "The assassin droid told the administrator that the Exile was a Jedi, meaning the administrator tried to have the Exile picked up by the Republic to stop miners such as Coorta demanding that she be taken to Nar Shaddaa, to collect the bounty crime lord Goto had placed on Jedi." Run-on, and also uses the word "meaning" in a confusing manner, as I mentioned before.
 * 45) ** The run-on has been fixed, but the "meaning" hasn't. "This meant that" does not change it, and is in fact synonymous to what it replaced. Please reword it. Also, a similar objection to this one remains from my first look; please check above.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "To allow the others to escape, Kreia dueled the Sith Lord Darth Sion." First of all, I fixed up the sentence a little. But why was Darth Sion there in the first place? Without mentioning Sion's purpose, it sounds like he was just randomly there.
 * 47) * CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:07, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *** Please review my objections again; any objections that are not crossed out still remain.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Alright, now addressed, although you seem to have missed me having closed the gap in the Locations section. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:30, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Sorry for the delay; I forgot to look at the timestamps and was confused if you addressed the objections or not. A few still remain; please check the uncrossed ones above.  CC7567  (talk) 06:11, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Good article nominations/Peragus II. Everything here needs to be handled.  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:13, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *I believe I have. Can you point out which one(s) you don't think I've addressed, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:20, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) Cav's watchful eye
 * 55) *Mention should be made of the establishment of the Peragus Mining Facility in the intro before mentioning its destruction.
 * 56) *Under description, you mention that the Mining Facility is on the planet; I thought it was built in the asteroid field itself?
 * 57) *In description: Located in the Peragus system in the Outer Rim Territories, Peragus II was a planet ravaged to being almost uninhabitable, except for designated stations on the planet's surface, such as the Peragus Mining Facility, a local mining facility on the planet's surface, inhabited by a number of miners. Run on sentence and repeated wording. Please rewrite for clarity.
 * 58) *First paragraph of Skirmish at Peragus II - the mention of the HK-50 droid and the Harbinger next more context. How did the Exile get from the Harbinger to the Ebon Hawk? Why was the HK-50 droid after her? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:23, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) From the Council Chambers:
 * 60) *First, a note for the future: all references inside the infobox should be placed inside the Ref template. I took care of it here, but you'll want to remember that. OK, here we go:
 * 61) *"On board were Kreia, who was&mdash;unbeknownst to them at the time&mdash;a Sith Lord": Who is "them"?
 * 62) *"this meant that a number of areas, such as the Telosian Restoration Project,": The restoration project is just that&mdash;a project, not an area. Please reword.
 * 63) *The BTS needs expansion. Start by listing all appearances/mentions (a total of two in this case) and identifying which was first. Other things worth mentioning (these are up to you, but I would highly recommend them considering how short the BTS will be even after expansion) would be release dates, publisher, context on each source, etc. Discrepancies/alternate storylines can be listed after this.
 * 64) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:20, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll refrain from voting until there's been some feedback. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Zelka Forn

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Doctor? Doctor Who?

(0 ACs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Seems mostly fine now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:08, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:33, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:30, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "After the destruction of the Galactic Republic, the main galactic government of the time, warship Endar Spire, individuals brought in several Republic soldiers who had been seriously wounded in the battle." Huh? Either something's missing or there's extraneous words here, because this doesn't make sense.
 * 3) * "Rakghoul this, rakghoul that": Rakghoul is inconsistently capitalized. Most notably, the term "[R]akghoul serum" is used at least once each way. I seem to possibly remember that Rakghoul should be capitalized, but I'm not sure if that is true or if my crazy brain is making stuff up. Which is correct?
 * 4) *I did a copyedit for you. Remember that the Ref template is only used in the infobox&mdash;you had it in the body, too, which I fixed. Otherwise, it's well-written and easily understandable for someone totally unfamiliar with that era. Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Benevolent is POV. Please remove.
 * 8) * Linking. Make sure everything is linked once in the intro and the body.
 * 9) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 10) * Try not to use "grieved" twice.
 * 11) * After the destruction of the warship Endar Spire. Why and by whom was the Spire destroyed? Also, you haven't established where this event happened.
 * 12) * Despite the Sith government, the government that followed the Sith ideology, having an occupation of Taris, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers. He put a few of the soldiers in kolto tanks, healing medical tanks, in a back room of his facility. this doesn't flow very well. May I suggest something like Despite the fact that Taris was occupied by the Sith, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers, putting them in kolto tanks in a back room of his facility.
 * 13) * In the intro, you say that Revan killed a patrol to obtain the serum, but in the body, you say he found a corpse. Which is correct?
 * 14) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 15) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 16) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 17) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Fixed, although no, Revan looked in the back room. I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu's second look
 * 20) * There are some previous objections you haven't taken care of. In future, put a message after each objection, to alert the objector to the fact that they are all done, and so that if there are any issues, they can continue the discussion. In this case, to keep it organised, I'll strike all the old ones and reiterate any that are still not addressed.
 * 21) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 22) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 24) **I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him.
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure that you can persuade Forn into believing that you are a friend of the Republic. He then opens the door. The other way is to bash through the door of course. Instead of just saying he discovered them, you need to elaborate on how. One of these outcomes will have to be expanded upon in the body, while the other will have to go to the bts.
 * 26) ****Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * After Revan discovers the soldiers, he and Forn have a short converstion, the details of which should be added into the article.
 * 28) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 29) **You haven't added anything about the CSWE entry or his reaction of you give the serum to someone else.
 * 30) ***Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required.
 * 32) **That was added in before hand; oddly, however, the article includes content however isn't showing anything beneath the first paragraph of the BtS. I'll talk to staff about that. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 34) ** I didn't mean for you to delete that info, I was merely saying that it looked a bunch of facts in a list. The info should be restored and integrated into larger, more orgainsed paragraphs.
 * 35) ***Not deleted. Same problem. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * This page currently is not categorised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **It is categorized, but the categories are in the section not showing. By the time you're reading this, they should be fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Hm. Odd. Seems fine now. Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **I'll vote as soon as an AC review comes in. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:12, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 41) *Last names after first mention, please.
 * 42) **What do you mean? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***The first time you mention an individual, use their full name. From that point onwards, use their last name only. Using first names is seen as too informal for our encyclopedia. --Eyrezer 04:13, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Alright, solely referred to as "Forn" throughout. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * I'm pretty sure things like "the South" when referring to the Upper City can be dismissed as game mechanics.
 * 46) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * "amnesiac Jedi Knight" doesn't quite cut it when referring to Revan. At the time, he was pretty much nothing in terms of being a Force user; I'd almost prefer that his Force sensitivity is left completely out.
 * 48) **Mhm. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "presumably killed" is speculation. Only say what is known.
 * 50) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * Taris has a "main city?" I thought Taris was a city.
 * 52) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * Again, something like "no known family members" is out-of-universe and speculation.
 * 54) **Removed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Linking needs to be more thorough.
 * 56) **Hm. Could you point out generally where, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * Rakghoul disease needs context in the bio.
 * 58) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * Second paragraph of the bio needs to be broken up; it's a mishmash of not-yet-converged storylines.
 * 60) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * How Shan was on Taris should be provided.
 * 62) **Provided. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "Which option Revan took was unknown, as neither results in a change of alignment. The nature of the conversation afterwards, unless Revan threatened Zelka, was such that it did not change the plot nor the character's alignment, therefore it's undetermined if Revan ever discovered the soldiers." – This is all pretty unnecessary. You can sum it up by stating that later sources which canonized the light-side path don't mention Forn or the medical facility.
 * 64) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * What exactly is meant by "one thousand and fifteen hundred credits?"
 * 66) **Whoops, addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 69) * City of Taris? Do you mean the planet?
 * 70) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * Sith government? Was it really a government? Better wording could be used here.
 * 72) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * Give more information on the rakghoul disease in the bio.
 * 74) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * Give more info on Revan and the circumstances of his amnesia.
 * 76) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) * Quote for the P&T?
 * 78) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Attack of the Clone
 * 81) * "In his standing and position as a doctor": redundant; choose one or the other.
 * 82) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * "Forn would not refuse help to anyone, regardless of their homeworld, species, political affiliation, personality, or even if he hated them on a personal level": the last one stands out with the lack of a noun; please reword.
 * 84) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "medically help or assist": I reworded it to this, but "help" and "assist" are redundant, and "medically" also makes the wording awkward.
 * 86) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "and individuals brought in several Republic soldiers": unclear; what were the individuals' affiliation?
 * 88) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * "even with the possibility of being arrested or even shot": unclear as to who he would be punished by, and the wording is a bit awkward as well.
 * 90) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * Awkward wording that Forn was upset about the plague; try to word to something clearer.
 * 92) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) * "Revan arrived at Forn's facility and convinced him to show them the Republic soldiers, by declaring their loyalty to the Republic." Revan convinced Forn to show who the soldiers?
 * 94) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * What information did Revan agree not to disclose?
 * 96) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * "Although Forn was originally fearful that Revan would betray him, Revan proved him wrong." Sounds strange never mentioning this before; try to move it up. If it happens here, please make it clearer.
 * 98) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Why was Revan's alliance with the Republic a problem for Forn and/or his decision?
 * 100) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) ***Please check this again. Do you meant, "Allied with the Sith as he was, Revan was in favor of Forn’s choice."? Forn's choice was in favor of the Republic, and this wording makes it sound like Revan was allied with the Sith. Please clear this up.  CC7567  (talk) 07:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) * "Revan refused, however, believing Forn needed them more than he and his companions did." Please replace "them" with something more specific.
 * 103) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "even if they were an off-worlder, alien, or even if he hated them": same issue with the different elements not matching; please try to reword.
 * 105) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) * "Forn considered Revan's spirit very noble": builds too much off of each other using "spirit".
 * 107) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) * "for its work on making a Rakghoul serum before it was taken by the Sith": awkward wording.
 * 109) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) * "the light side choices are those chosen canonically": do you mean that "the light side choices are canonical"?
 * 111) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) * "Although canon dictates that the most light side choices would have to be taken": bit unclear; please check and/or clarify.
 * 113) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * Are dark side points bad? It sounds like it from the use of "however"; please check.
 * 115) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) A little expansion on how Revan got Forn to show him the Republic soldiers would be appreciated. Wasn't there several dialogue options, or the option to bypass the door locks? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:45, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll withhold my vote until some feedback comes. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * You're not meant to vote for your own noms. We got rid of that in the GA system revamp. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1) Only one unaddressed objection remaining, yes, but one that's been sitting here for over three weeks. This isn't getting a lot of activity, and unless there's something done soon, it needs to go.  CC7567  (talk) 02:35, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *My bad; miscounted the weeks. It's only been two, but I still think it needs to be addressed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:48, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Noticing Floyd's unaddressed objection, I'm going to have to reinstate my vote. With so many current GANs, the tolerance for inactivity is becoming lower.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *I apologize; I've only just noticed Floyd's outstanding objection. Unfortunately, I won't be able to address it until Sunday afternoon, as I won't even be on site until then. If you feel the need to remove the nom then I'm dissapointed but I understand. If you could, however, give me a little more time, seeing as I didn't realize, I'd appreciate it. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  06:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Calo Nord

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:17, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope it passes.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Smart.  Mauser  Comlink 18:36, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:24, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * The intro currently seems rather disproportionate to his history; the intro is currently half the size of the history section. Please see if you can cut it down some. Notably, his activity on Taris can be shortened as a whole.
 * 3) **The intro can still be cut down. Ask yourself this when trying to decide to keep a detail: is it necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the character? If the answer is no, then it shouldn't go in. Please note that not every event Nord is involved with requires a mention. At most, the intro should be two paragraphs with the article's current length; the intro's length is one third of that compared to the article.  CC7567  (talk) 21:25, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Got it. Take a look at it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:48, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "When he was no longer one of the hunted, he became one of the hunters" I understand the embellishment, but it's not appropriate to the article as formal writing; please change.
 * 6) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***No, it's still there; just reword it in general.
 * 8) ****Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "When the Sith began to bombard Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was Nord's rival&mdash;and the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk." This sentence is very confusing; please check again.
 * 10) **Try it now. I rearranged the second paragraph, and I think I made it clear that it was Shan, Onasi, Ordo, and Revan who were stealing the Ebon Hawk, the original version just said "they".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***I put this down instead: Shan and her companions—the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—attempted to steal Kang's flagship. I removed the "who was one of Kang's employees", and the "former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * It says in the intro that several people put the bounty on his head, while in the body it's only one.
 * 13) * "She, the former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was also one of Kang's employees&mdash;attempted to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk so that they could escape Taris." Unclear; please reword.
 * 14) **I did put "Shan and her companions" down, but I think that who her companions were is important.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Well, now context for Revan is missing. I think you can say that Revan was a Sith Lord and leave it at that; anything more will disrupt the flow. It was mainly the multiple contexts for Revan that bothered me because it made it unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 18:48, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****That's cause I created two sections, "Battle of Taris" and "Endgame", the 2nd paragraph has the context on who Revan was.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:25, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ****I think I've taken care of this. That whole paragraph isn't there, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:58, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * "to take everyone down with him" makes it sound like he was descending into somewhere; reword please.
 * 19) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "and told the Sith Lord, along with the Sith Admiral Saul Karath": Unclear whether the admiral was addressing the Sith Lord with Nord or was part of the audience.
 * 21) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "and to capture Shan alive, if possible": unclear whether if he wanted to capture Shan alive, "if possible," or whether he wanted to capture Shan "if possible."
 * 23) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***No, it's still unclear.
 * 25) ****How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Nord and a group of thugs": can "thugs" be replaced (in all places it appears) by something less colloquial and more specific?
 * 27) **What else could I really call them? I can't call them mercenaries because they weren't, same deal with boubty hunters.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:35, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***If I might intrude and propose synonyms: They were enforcers, minions, henchmen (henchbeings?), [professional] criminals, subordinates, followers. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Thanks for the suggestion, Skippy Farlstendoiro. Put "henchman" down instead of thugs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "Nord gave the former Sith Lord credit for leading him on quite a chase": too colloquial.
 * 31) **How about this? Nord told Revan that he gave him credit for leading him on quite a chase, however, Nord said him that no one could escape him in the end.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***It's the dialogue, mostly; that and the following sentence are a bit distracting from the events. Try to see if you can shorten it a tad.  CC7567  (talk) 15:58, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Please try and fix this; the dialogue is still detracting from the flow of events.  CC7567  (talk) 21:25, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****OK, put this down:  Nord gave Revan credit for evading him, however, Nord stated that no one could escape him in the end.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:54, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "When Revan tried to get Nord to agree to a deal": please replace "get", as it's too colloquial. Also, what was the deal?
 * 36) **I replaced it with this: When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting,. How's that?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * Why is Nord's species and gender all the way down in the P&T instead of at the beginning of the body?
 * 38) * First sentence of the P&T is rather POV-oriented; please try to reword.
 * 39) **This is from his entry in the databank, however.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * "Nord's loyalty was to hard credits, and sometimes, to the thrill of the hunt.": please try to reword.
 * 41) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ***It's still just too confusing, and the embellishment isn't working. Please just remove this and reword the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 16:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Except this is also stated in the databank's entry on him, so I can't just ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *****The DB entries aren't necessary good formal writing. In this case, the embellishment isn't working because it's making the sentence too confusing. Find a different way to state it. What did this loyalty mean?  CC7567  (talk) 23:54, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ******Adjusted it to "whoever had the most credits".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *I'll take another look after these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) One:
 * 48) * On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters and murdered his parents. - Databank says he murdereds his parents after the slavers, but not exactly on the same day.
 * 49) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * You should state that he was taking assignments from everybody as long as he was paid. Both in the intro and the bio. The fact that he worked for the Republic in the Core should be mentioned as well.
 * 51) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * You say that Revan, Canderous, Carth and Bastila were all trying to steal the Ebon Hawk, while in the game only Revan and Canderous are required to be present at that moment, and only one other party member is accompanying them. Need to clarify both in the intro and the body.
 * 53) **This is where it gets tricky. Yes, you can only have one party member, but Karath clearly tells Malak that Shan was aided by Carth Onasi, and when he introduces Nord to Malak, he says that he was there when Bastila and Carth escaped the planet. I feel that this overrides the game mechanics, but incase it doesn't I just mentioned Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Ah, get it now. How about you explain all this in an additional reference?
 * 55) ****Use same tags, but instead of a link to a source, just type a text with a clarification.
 * 56) *****Take a look at it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ******I choose to rewod it myself, please check if it's okay with you.
 * 58) * Unsourced paragraph in the P&T.
 * 59) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "He also carried four stun grenades and two thermal detonators... Nord carried 2,000 credits on his person." - sounds a lot like game mechanics. Needs serious tweaking.
 * 61) **I believe I've taken care of this. Since the exact amount of grenades and detonators is stated in the campaign guide, I couldn't ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ***Better now.
 * 63) * Optional: If you use Mission quote about Iridian Plague, I suggest you mention it somewhere in the body as well. In that case you will also need to create the respective article.
 * 64) **Huh? What respective article, since it already exists?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) ***Well, I decided not to wait and created the article myself. I also removed a link from a quote.
 *  Mauser  Comlink 08:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Two:
 * 2) * I noticed that you have no content whatsoever about the fact that Revan infiltrated Kang's base and that Nord was present there during the Destruction of Taris. Also, please check if Nord had any dialogue with Revan or Canderous in a scene where Davik shows Revan his temporary apartments.  Mauser  Comlink 06:45, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Now it looks like you put too much content in those two paragraphs. You definitely don't have to retell every single line of dialogue for example - just mention that Calo was taunting Canderous and drop everything else. Also, you describe the tour of the Davik's estate (irrelevant in content to Nord) but forgot to mention that Revan was pretending to be part of the Exchange in the first place. See what you can do about it.  Mauser  Comlink 15:16, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Try it now. (I meant to put his down yesterday)--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:53, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Second attack
 * 7) *Next time, please check overlinking and underlinking in the article; I noticed (and fixed) both in my second copyedit.
 * 8) *"Revan watched Nord kill two Rodians who had a bounty on their heads": the subject/plural agreement isn't quite working here; please check this. Also, was it specified that Nord killed them for the bounties on their heads?
 * 9) *Please try to reword "cut down"; it's not very clear.
 * 10) *Other than that, it looks fine.  CC7567  (talk) 19:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll take care of these objections as soon as I can, in a matter of a few days.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:21, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * By the way, if you notice that the context for Carth says he's a commander, sccording to the KotOR campaign guide, he is, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Kasra, I'll take another look soon when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 23:07, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Malevolence

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 01:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it is done :)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Duel on Mustafar

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 15:43, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sources added and fixed up few spelling errors.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) All sources are added, great job cleaning up. — Excelsior,   The Flash  - ( Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay! ) 15:48, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Mission to the Vulture's Claw

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:42, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yet another unexpected, minor TCW event that I didn't foresee.

(0 ACs/6 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice work CC :)  JangFett  Talk 11:02, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks great!&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 20:40, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:51, 01 June 09 (UTC)
 * 5) I do believe you are very good at writing. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:29, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Nice job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:35, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Prelude: "as the information stored inside the droid would prove fatal in Confederate hands." Fatal to what?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Why did Nachkt promise R2 to Grievous? Could a reason be specified somewhere in the article?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:38, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Small thing: In the main quote, does Kenobi really say our "next" might very well depend on it? I'm not sure that makes sense. I thought he said "necks". Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:31, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Actually...yeah, that makes more sense. The episode isn't very clear, but it seems more likely. :P  CC7567  (talk) 01:56, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For general info/interest, the article is about 989 words according to Microsoft Word, so just below the FA requirement.  CC7567  (talk) 04:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Now 1,201 words according to Word. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:39, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Having finally read Wild Space, I've realized that some continuity troubles have been introduced. I've done the best I could, but the novel has really disrupted the events between itself and the episode. Or the changes could be minor, but are just giving me a bad headache. In any case, the Twoconflicting tag is now up there, as well as for the Mission to suspected Confederate space and the Mission to Skytop Station&mdash;although it's really this event that was affected the most, as you can now see from the painstakingly long Bts.  CC7567  (talk) 06:22, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Zak

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 07:21, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No work to do, and a quiet good article. My first nom.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:45, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) After a final bunch of small fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 20:59, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First off, the intro should not be sourced, while the rest of the body should.
 * 3) **I believe that this one still remains. Please read this page for more information on how and what to source. Let me know if you want help with this one :).
 * 4) *** Yes i need some help with this. --Clone Commander Lee 17:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * Intro: You have no context for Rugosa, or why Yoda had to be transported there.
 * 6) ** Now the Toydarians have no context, and it is unclear why Zak would take Yoda to Rugosa, a neutral moon, to meet with the Toydarians.
 * 7) ***"During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 8) * Biography: It's unclear in the bio why Katuunko wanted a Jedi to be sent.
 * 9) * Biography: context is missing for Asajj Ventress.
 * 10) ** This one still remains. For context, simply add what the subject is. For example: "Supreme Chancellor" is context for "Palpatine". In this case, Asajj Ventress was a Dark Acolyte, so when introducing her into the intro and bio for the first time, you could put (in the case of the intro) "...ordered there by Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress..."
 * 11) * Biography: "in order to save General Yoda from the superior frigates". What about the frigates was so superior? It is unclear here why the frigates are so dangerous to Yoda, and what made them superior (i.e., their firepower? size? etc.)
 * 12) * Biography: Why did Yoda order him to launch all the pods? How would that fix the problem?
 * 13) * The Personality and traits section could be beefed up a bit. I'd suggest adding why Zak was afraid of getting Yoda killed, or being more specific on why he cared so much. Right now it's a little flat.
 * 14) ** In trying to add why, you have merely made speculations. Make sure you can back everything up with facts. He was most likely not just loyal to the Republic, but also his Jedi commanders, and was concerned for Yoda's life. The last sentence of the P&t is now grammatically incorrect as well, leaving the meaning rather unclear. I'll take another look once you fix these :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 14:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***I've gone ahead and cleaned this up a bit myself. In the future, make sure that you don't have any speculative information; also remember to check your grammar for errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 12:11, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ** I#ve finished with these edits. --Clone Commander Lee 18:36, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Mauser:
 * 19) * Republic frigate: first, you link to it twice in the intro; second, one of the links leads to redirect instead of the actual Consular-class cruiser (Charger c70 retrofit). Remove one of them.
 * 20) * P&T requires expansion.
 * 21) **No more datas given. --Clone Commander Lee 07:55, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You can said about how he operated under attack, about how he have reports to his Jedi General - lots of things to talk about.
 * 23) ****Better now, try to expand it a little more to make it interesting to read.
 * 24) * When you talk about Katuunko talking to Palpatine etc., you should add a reference to The Clone Wars: Prelude, as it isn't shown in the Ambush itself.
 * 25) * Source for the "First year of the war"?
 * 26) * Isn't Zak a Clone naval officer according to The Clone Wars Campaign Guide?
 * 27) * "Jedi Grand Master Yoda, Zak and two Coruscant Guard troopers were sent to the planet on a Republic frigate along with clone trooper pilots and commander CC-4477, with Zak in command of the ship." - a bulky sentence, needs to be rewritten.
 * 28) * Asajj Ventress, who asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves. - it was said by Dooku, not Ventress.
 * 29) *Also made small fixes along the way.  Mauser  Comlink 07:29, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ** Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 08:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 08:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Also, since Zak is a redirect page, I suggest you move your page to that name and then add Template:youmay to both your page and Zak Arranda.  Mauser  Comlink 08:47, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) The Grand Master, part two
 * 35) * First, please see my standing objection above: "During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 36) * Intro: "during the Clone Wars. During the war&hellip;" This is slightly redundant when read as such. Could it be reworded, so that you don't say "during the" quite so close together?
 * 37) ** Done.
 * 38) * Intro: it is unclear why Ventress ordered the frigates to intercept Yoda.
 * 39) ** Done.
 * 40) ***I believe this one still remains.
 * 41) * Intro: If Zak is a captain, (as you imply at the end of the intro) then his rank should be mentioned and linked earlier in the intro.
 * 42) ** Zak is according to the visual guide a naval officer. --Clone Commander Lee 18:27, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *** Which is all fine and good, but you call him "Captain Zak" at the end of the intro, implying that he was also a captain. If this is incorrect, then please remove the "captain". If he was also a captain, then that needs to be stated earlier in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:35, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **** Done.
 * 45) *****This one still remains, please check again.
 * 46) ******Finally fixed.
 * 47) * Biography: You say that Katuunko ruled the Toydaria system, but I'm pretty sure he ruled the planet of Toydaria. Please check this.
 * 48) * Biography: "was sent with Zak in command of the ship." What ship? You haven't mentioned any ship thus far.
 * 49) * Biography: "Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." This is grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 50) * Biography: The above sentence doesn't seem to make sense with the rest of the article. I've seen the episode, so I understand what you're trying to say, but you need to work it into the article better in order to show its significance.
 * 51) **The new wording fixes that problem for the most part, but there are still grammar/spelling issues.
 * 52) *** Done.
 * 53) ****This one also still remains. Watch out for tense, especially.
 * 54) ***** Finally fixed.
 * 55) * Biography: "Zak wanted to retreat immediately in order to save General Yoda from the larger and more heavily-armed frigates." You should probably mention first that the frigates were better, and then say that Zak wished to retreat in order to protect Yoda's life.
 * 56) **There are some BIG grammar issues here, now. Please re-check, and, if needed, use microsoft word.
 * 57) *** Done.
 * 58) ****This also remains. I'd suggest using Microsoft Word to help wih grammar issues.
 * 59) ***** Cause i'm not a native english speaker i don't have such a word programm. --Clone Commander Lee 16:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ****** Finnaly fixed.
 * 61) * Personality and traits: "He also was calm during the attack and managed to bring the ship to safety and spoke very respectful with Yoda." This is a run-on, and is also grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 62) * Personality and traits: "He also personnally overtook the communication with the Toydarian Royal Delegation and was worried when he received no answer." This sentence doewsn't really make sense. First off, it could be worded more clearly, and second off, I don't see what this has to do with Zak's personality. It sounds more like something that he did during his life, in which case it should be placed in the Biography.
 * 63) **You moved this up to the bio, which is good, but now there are some huge grammar problems with this, too. Please re-check.
 * 64) *** Adressed.
 * 65) * Personality and traits: You use "He also" two sentences in a row. I would change at least one of them, so as to avoid repetition.
 * 66) * Behind the scenes: You need to ref the fact that he was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker.
 * 67) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:01, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) ** Adressed. --Clone Commander Lee 17:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Several of my objections still remain. Please see those which I have not yet stricken. Also, your The Clone Wars: Visual Guide reference was done incorrectly. As I have already stated, you are not supposed to ref the intro. I fixed this for you, but I think it would be beneficial for you to visit this page so you can learn how to correctly source articles. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Some still remain. I'd suggest going through the article and carefully checking for grammar-related issues. Once those are removed, it'll be easier for me to more effectively review the article. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:58, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ***** Should now be fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 19:20, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ******I'm still seeing unfixed objections; please fix those which I have not stricken. Also, please look over the whole article for grammar issues; I suggest using Microsoft Word if you need help with this. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) A few more from Mauser:
 * 74) * "Upon arriving on Rugosa, Katuunko was approched by the Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress and a hologram of Count Dooku. Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." - I fail to see how exactly is that relevant to Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 03:12, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ** It was now rewritten
 * 76) ***You probably misunderstood me, I did not ask to rewrite this, I asked to remove this, because it does not reflest on the character of Zak in any way.  Mauser  Comlink 15:20, 19 June 2009 (UTC)´
 * 77) ****It tells the background and why Zak and his ship were ambushed.
 * 78) *****You have an explanation already ("sent by Asajj Ventress, to prove to Katuunko"). The whole third paragraph of the bio ("Upon arriving on the coral moon, Katuunko") has absolutely nothing to do with Zak. 19:06, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ******Well it explains the mission background. What would you suggest? --Clone Commander Lee 19:27, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *******Remove it. The mission background is established and expanded in the previous paragraph. This one tell about what happened to Katuunko, and has nothing to do with Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 20:10, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ********Removed
 * 82) *********Be careful with what you remove, context on Ventress was gone. I returned it and will give another look later.  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) **********Thanks. --Clone Commander Lee 18:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * You must also add the episode guide and Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Visual Guide as a sources and check them for any missing info.  Mauser  Comlink 10:02, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 10:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) ***Not yet. I am unsure about the Visual Guide, but the episode guide definitely mentions Zak in some way and should be used as a source.  Mauser  Comlink 15:20, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) **** Should now be fixed.
 * 88) One last look from the Grand Master
 * 89) * At the beginning of the bio you say that Zak was raised to be a part of the Grand Army, but if he was a naval officer, I think it would be more correct to say he was raised for the Republic Navy. With this change, however, that sentence would have to be rephrased, since not all of the clones were trained for the Navy.
 * 90) ** Adressed.
 * 91) ***Please incorporate this into the first sentence. As the Navy was not the GAR (it operated alngside the army, it was not a part of the actual army) you cannot say that he was trained in the GAR. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:07, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) ****Adressed.
 * 93) *****As I stated earlier, you'll need to reword the sentence now, because not all clone troopers were trained for the Navy, which is what you currently say. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:23, 20 June 2009 (UTC)'
 * 94) ****** Fixed.
 * 95) * You should probably add some mention of the Confederacy listing post Skytop station, which intercepted the messages between Palps and Katuunko. Also, did Ventress actually send the frigates, or was she sent by the Confederacy with them? (I can;t remember for sure). But if she was sent with them, then this needs to be clarified, as right now you say that she sent the frigates.
 * 96) ** I'm not sure about Ventress, the rest is adressed.
 * 97) ***The sentence you added is choppy, and breaks up the flow. Also, you need to find out about Ventress. If you do not have access to watch the episode, ask around on the IRC for someone who might. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:07, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ****The sentence is corrected. It is never clearly stated if the frigates where sent by or with Ventress.
 * 99) *****Well, since they were definitely sent there at the same time as Ventress for a collaborated purpose, "with" is more correct, so I fixed it.
 * 100) * The first and last sentences of the P&t are a little choppy. Please rephrase for flow.
 * 101) ** Adressed.
 * 102) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:48, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) ** Thanks for the three reviews and the patience. --Clone Commander Lee 18:10, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) Attack of the Clone
 * 105) *That second sentence of the intro needs to be reworked; it's too much of a run-on. You may not have to mention Katuunko at all in the intro, as he's not necessarily directly related to Zak.
 * 106) **Reworded.
 * 107) ***Please check this again; it's still very long and unwieldy.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) *Can you get another quote in either the bio, the P&T, or both? I'm quite sure he had more dialogue.
 * 109) **None good found
 * 110) ***I do believe there was something about the escape pods, and I don't see why it wouldn't be appropriate to add it in.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) *Zak was a captain, but this isn't mentioned at all in the intro and is mentioned rather late in the bio. Please get it in the intro and mention it earlier in the bio.
 * 112) **Zak was according to the visual guide a naval officer.
 * 113) ***And according to the episode, I believe, he was also a captain. He can hold two different ranks; he's not only limited to one.  CC7567  (talk) 18:32, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) ****Is there any source that he is a captain ? If what ? --Clone Commander Lee 15:53, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) *****I was under the impression that you had found one, since the bio already states that he's a captain. In any case, I can't seem to find any source that states it, but please check the Ambush book, as I don't own it.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) *The second and third paragraphs of the bio are reading more like a summary of the Mission to Rugosa instead of Zak's biography; they're too focused on other characters. Please shorten them, and where possible, remove the unnecessary content.
 * 117) **(Should be) Fixed
 * 118) ***It can still be cut down. All that needs to be said is that Zak was assigned to transport Yoda to Rugosa for negotiations with Katuunko regarding a Toydarian base. Please try to shorten the whole paragraph, as it focuses too much on details irrelevant to Zak; all that needs to be said of Katuunko and Palpatine is that a meeting was arranged on Rugosa. Keeping Skytop Station in there is fine, but you need to source it properly. The episode didn't confirm that Skytop Station intercepted the transmission; only Katuunko's Databank entry states that Skytop Station intercepted it.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) *"so that the Separatists couldn't concentrate all of their fire on just one pod": the sentence is worded backwards and isn't very clear; please reword it.
 * 120) **Fixed.
 * 121) ***Please check again; I'm not seeing a change.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) * In the P&T, while Zak indeed "remained calm" during the attack, mentioning it directly seems to be overemphasizing it. Although it's a fact, it doesn't necessarily differentiate him from any other clone trooper, as there isn't anyone to compare him to for this trait. Please consider removing it.
 * 123) **Fixed.
 * 124) *While verb contractions are acceptable in FAs and GAs, I'd like you to remove them where possible, as their excessive use is making the article colloquial.
 * 125) **(should be )fixed.
 * 126) ***Please check this again; I'm not seeing a change. If you don't want to change them, that's fine, but please state so.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) *Overall, I'm seeing a lot of unnecessary details in the article that are not relevant to Zak, including "to prove to Katuunko that the Jedi and the Republic could not protect themselves, let alone the Toydarians." Please take another look over the article for these issues.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) *Can another relevant picture be found for the article body?  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Falleen (Clone Wars)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:19, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Prelude to and second-to-last of CloneProject Droid Retrieval. Somewhere around 750 words.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) One more for WookieeProject TCW. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:50, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job yet again. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice! --Eyrezer 07:20, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * "But" is repetitive in the intro.
 * 3) * Nitpicking here. Taking a detour from his course to Bothawui, and set his sights on capturing the planet of Falleen, seem a little contradictory. The first seems to imply that he was forced into attacking Falleen, bt the second seems like a solid decision on Grievous' part.
 * 4) * This one's also rather nitpicky. but as they engaged the lightsaber-wielding Dark Acolyte in combat, Ventress soon gained the upper hand. "As they" refers to the present while "soon" implies at least some events in the future. Please reword.
 * 5) **Addressed, thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:20, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The Grand Master
 * 7) * "The King" becomes repetitive in the intro. Could you put a synonym in for one of them? Maybe even just call him by his species as "the Falleen", or something similar.
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * "...to coordinate several attacks on Republic forces on three separate fronts." Does "several" in this case refer to the "three"? If so, then this is redundant.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * "...the King arrived and prepared to kill Ventress." It sounds to me like he was already "prepared" to kill her. Could this be reworded?
 * 12) **It's simply a less colloquial form of the fact that he "got ready" or was "about" to kill her. Whether or not he "was prepared" to kill her is irrelevant. If I change it to that he "targeted" Ventress, it's not going to be clear that the King had the intent of killing her.
 * 13) * I was going to change the quote in the Aftermath section to the Dialogue template, but I figured I should check here first to make sure there's not a reason for it to be a quote template instead. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 13:51, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **I personally don't like using quotes with the Dialogue template so that they turn out like a script. I do it when it's necessary to distinguish between speakers, like when there's more than two, but I don't see why it needs to be used here.  CC7567  (talk) 21:06, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Ok, no problem. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to Tatooine (Separatist Crisis)
> JangFett  Talk 01:04, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: A off TCW project, though related to the Clone Wars :)

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) As problems were addressed - very good job expanding since I last saw it.  The Flash  {talk} 00:47, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Well, it has greately expanded, and it earns the title of good article. It's only shortage is that there isn't any image about the battle itself.--Kreivi Wolter 07:23, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 22:24, 21 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 22:24, 21 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 22:24, 21 June 2009 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) As for the Duel on Mustafar, please make sure you have every appearance and source covered. Any mention of the death of Shmi qualifies as at least an indirect mention, and as this had an extremely lasting impression of Skywalker, I'm quite sure there's more.  CC7567  (talk) 01:41, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed and added few more appearences/sources. However, Anakin/Vader's attachment problem can get squeezed out of most of the EU sources. Massacre on Tatooine mentioned few times during the Clone Wars. I'll try to find more appearances.
 * 3) **I would advise you to check every single source and appearance with Skywalker that has even the slightest mention. If some are not available to you, I would suggest trying to find people who do have access to them.  CC7567  (talk) 05:21, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) A little more for now:
 * 5) * Is this a mission, a "massacre" or something else? The layout of events isn't clear. It needs to be clarified what happened during the event and what happened in the prelude.
 * 6) **Addressed and fixed the intro.
 * 7) ***I just want to clarify with you that it's the whole article itself, not just the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 02:29, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ****Addressed and added a ending sentence in the Prelude that states "they went on a mission to Tatooine to find his mother." The "Mission to Tatooine" section was a mission to find Skywalker's mother, but the mission turned into a massacre once his mother died in his arms in the Tusken camp. I addressed that in "Reunited and Massacre".
 * 9) * Please just run another check for spelling and grammar. In particular, I'm still seeing a lot of uses of unnecessary present-tense verbs.  CC7567  (talk) 02:12, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Did another run through and caught few spelling errors as well as present-tense verbs.
 * 11) ***Olioster helped with this objection as well by fixing up spelling, present-tense and grammar issues :)
 * 12) ****I'm striking this for now, but I will continue to go over this with you when I review it in the future.
 * 13) * The article is too subsectioned. Three of the four sections of the Mission header are only one paragraph; please merge them somewhere. Also, please note that if you merge one or more of the sections, image placement will need more work.
 * 14) **Addressed <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Unless it has a new section (which it doesn't and does not require), the quote regarding the "Vengeful Tusken Raider" in the Aftermath should not be there.
 * 2) **I don't know who added that in, but it I removed it. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) A few notes
 * 2) * In the very beginning of the introduction, I suggest changing it from "The Mission" to "This mission to Tatooine". Also, in the prelude section, it mentions Amidala was receiving death threats. While true, you should also note that these threats also escalated into actual attempts on her life (Obi-Wan and Anakin weren't sent to protect her until after the assassination attempt on the landing platform in the opening of Episode II), so a minor re-arranging of that part might be best. Other than a few other minor grammatical problems, it looks good.  OLIOSTER  (talk) Sith_Emblem.svg 17:54, 9 June 2009 (UTC)</S>
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) ***Looks good.  OLIOSTER  (talk) Imperial Emblem.svg 05:24, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Two problems:
 * 6) * In the infobox, linking to Tusken Raiders twice seems unnecessary.
 * 7) **Addressed
 * 8) * Isn't Star Wars Manga considered ambig. canon? If so, an ambig tag should be placed before and after the reference to Tao and the vengeful Tusken.
 * 9) **Addressed
 * 10) *Other than that, nice job.  The Flash  {talk} 21:49, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review :)
 * 12) Mauser:
 * 13) *Like CC7567 said, you're missing a lot of appearances and sources, as well as info from them. Amongst the important sources that provide lots of new info concerning that event are: Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (novel), Star Wars Republic 59: Enemy Lines, Tatooine Ghost, and you have no info from any of them whatsoever. There are also various other minor sources that have to be checked. Before you do that, fixing all minor objecions is almost pointless in my opinion.  Mauser  Comlink 11:12, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Will look up newer sources, but added Tatooine Ghost in the aftermath. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Rugor Nass

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee --Clone Commander Lee 11:34, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Quite good

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > JangFett  Talk 12:17, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) *Intro needs expanding. For a character that was seen in two movies, plus EU content.
 * 3) *Remove or move the image in the "Clone Wars" section also move another image near "Imperial occupation". They're too close to each other.
 * 4) *Blue Shadow Virus was part of the Clone Wars, so that should be a subsection within "Clone Wars".
 * 5) *Blue Shadow Virus section needs sourcing
 * 6) *Same goes with "Ohma-D'un". Should be a subsection within "Clone Wars".
 * 7) *"Luckily the virus was destroyed and the confederate scientist Nuvo Vindi were captured by the Jedi Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ahsoka Tano and the senator Padmé Amidala and Naboo was saved." Sentence needs rewording. Nuvo Vindi "was" captured, also the virus wasn't fully destroyed. If you watched "Mystery of a Thousand Moons", the virus leaked. Context needed as well. Also the Jedi need to have their respected titles if you are going to introduce them. (i.e Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and his padawan..), proper linking as well. Skywalker and Kenobi captured Vindi, while Tano, Rex and Amidala cleared the lab from droids but were caught by surprise when a droid released the virus. They were saved after Kenobi and Skywalker found a cure from a root on Iego.
 * 8) *"During the Clone Wars brought a Gungan Shaak herder to the Naboo council. The herder, Peppi Bow, told the Queen that some of her shaak's had died from a mysterious disease. Upon coming of the idea of droids Nass and the council discussed the possiblity of CIS forces on the planet. You call the Blue Shadow Virus a "mysterious disease" in this sentence, then you say "Luckily the virus", in the next. Too choppy, You need more detail and how the Republic forces came about to Naboo and what Nass did.
 * 9) *You need quotes for each section. Does not have to be Nass, it can be related to Nass, Naboo. "Clone Wars" section, especially Blue Virus, should have a quote.
 * 10) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Mauser attacks:
 * 2) *First and foremost: Not every item listed in appearances and sources is referenced throughout the article. Where's info from Deep Spoilers, Episode I Adventures 11 and 12, the Wizards articles?
 * 3) *Missing appearances, specifically movie adaptations: such as Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (photo comic). He also must have appeared in at least some ROTS adaptations, all need to be checked.
 * 4) *Missing sources: The Phantom Menace (TCG) and Squadrons Over Corellia are some obvious ones, but a prominent movie character such as Nass is ought to have much more sources that mention him, such as Star Wars: Episode I Insider's Guide and The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia.
 * 5) *Lee, I see no work being done on the article whatsoever. The only thing you added is the Blue Shadow Virus section, and you did not even source it. This one has no chance of becoming a GA any time soon.  Mauser  Comlink 10:49, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **With all due respect, Mauser, please don't comment on things like this, regardless of whether a nomination looks like it will pass or not.  CC7567  (talk) 23:57, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 13:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *Added tag. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Axe (clone)
> JangFett  Talk 22:15, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: An Important Clone pilot, in TCW :P

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 03:14, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job; this article has come a long way :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Object style="color:#003">Jujiggum ]]) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 17:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First sentence in the intro is a run-on, please fix.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * The intro is disproportionately large compared to the bio, please cut it down some.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) ***I believe it is still a little long. Please cut out any information that is really not very relevant.
 * 7) ****Addressed
 * 8) *****Better length, but now it reads: "However, Vulture droids to Blue Squadron." Please please please check this and the rest of the article for grammar issues. Jonjedigrandmaster  ([[User talk:Jonjedigrandmaster|<span
 * 1) ******I saw that and corrected it a while back.
 * 2) * Intro: "the group experienced bad luck&hellip;" Could this be changed to something less colloquial?
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Intro: "Aze was shot down by a droid, which caused his fighter to overload above Ryloth." This is very vague wording. He was shot down, and his fighter overloaded. Wwhat do you mean by "overload"? Did it explode? Did he die? Please clarify.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * You should start the bio with a basic introduction as to who Axe is.
 * 7) **Addessed
 * 8) ***This one still remains. please check.
 * 9) ****Sorry, Addressed.
 * 10) *****Better, but is there any way this can be merged with other info in the bio? It is a little too small to stand by itself. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ******Addressed
 * 12) * Also, check for over-underlinking. Once again, I got some of these, but there were several extra and missed links. Double check the article for any more.
 * 13) **Addressed
 * 14) * Bio: "as more enemy star destroyers joined Tuuk's blockade." First off, "Star Destroyers" should be capitalized, however, this may be irrelevant, as I don't recall the CIS ever using Star Destroyers. Correct me if I'm wrong, but please check on this.
 * 15) **Indeed, I changed it to "Munificent-class frigates".
 * 16) * P&t: "Like all clone trooper pilots who serve the Republic, Axe was known to be good pilot and strong leader under Blue Squadron." This needs to be reworded, as it implies that all clone pilots lead Blue Squadron, as well as that there were clone trooper pilots who did not serve the Republic. Also, a "leader" would not be "under" the people he was commanding. So Axe would be a leader of Blue Squadron, not under.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) ***This one still remains. Now you merely imply that all clones in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Also, you will need to source this section, and I don't know of any source that says that all clone pilots in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Later in the P&t, his Squadron leader was his superior, which makes the last sentence make no sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:59, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Hope this is better, I reworded the entire paragraph.
 * 20) *****Much better :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:41, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *The biggest problem right now with the article is the number of grammatical errors; please run through the article and re-check for these. I've fixed a couple, but many remain. Once you get them, I'll provide a more in-depth review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:48, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Addressed and read through the article once more. Corrected numerous grammatical errors.
 * 23) Preliminaries
 * 24) *I'll get to a proper review later, but right now the article is way too subsectioned for the amount of content it has. Please fix this.  CC7567  (talk) 22:54, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Are you referring to the "Biography" section?
 * 26) ***Yes, I am, as I don't see anywhere else where there are multiple sections.
 * 27) ****Addressed
 * 28) * Also, are you checking where you're linking? Both of your links to the Defender and Redeemer are disambig pages. Please go through the article again and check for things like this.  CC7567  (talk) 23:03, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Defender has been changed before you addressed this. Redeemer doesn't have a disambig page.
 * 30) ***Nope. The correct one is here.  CC7567  (talk) 23:08, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****This has already been changed before you addressed it :P
 * 32) The Grand Master, part two
 * 33) * The first couple sentences in the second part of the intro are a little choppy. Reword them a little, for flow.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "Under the command" is slightly repetative in the Bio.
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * "...after they left the hangar of the leading Republic Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute." The meaning of "leading" is somewhat unclear here.
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * "While they approached Tuuk's command ship..." Unclear as to "who" is. Blue Squadron? Yularen and Skywalker?
 * 40) **Addressed
 * 41) * " Tano, who was concerned for Axe and the rest of the squadron, soon realized that it was too late as more enemy Munificent-class frigates joined Tuuk's blockade." Tano realized that it was too late for what?
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * "Though for Tano, it was just a order they had to comply with." Grammar, please rephrase.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) *Keep up the good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:07, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **Thanks for the 2nd review Jon :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***No problem. You're doing well, Jang. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:30, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * Just one last thing: "Under the command of Tano, Axe participated in the ensuing space battle above Ryloth. Axe was accompanied by fellow Blue Squadron pilots Slammer, Kickback, Tucker and Swoop. While they flew in V-19 Torrent starfighters, Tano led the squadron in her Jedi starfighter. After they left the hangar of General Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute, they were quickly engaged by a tier of Vulture droids." This seems to be somewhat out of order. I'd suggest reordering or rephrasing them slightly, so that they make more sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Addressed

Comments

Unidentified Neimoidian captain

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:00, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: That's right, another unidentified character from me. Why? Because I'm bored.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:50, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) He'd better eventually get a name.  CC7567  (talk) 23:38, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Mauser  Comlink 15:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:35, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Juicy of Unparalleled Juiciness
 * 2) * "This Neimoidian ordered his frigate to open fire on Alama's craft, and the captain had squadrons of droid starfighters deployed to combat a Republic LAAT/i gunship spotted in the area." I think this should be broken up into two sentences, or reworded for flow. It reads rather awkwardly the way it is now.
 * 3) **There's really no need to break it up. I've reworded it slightly, though. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:28, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The first sentence of the bio is very, very long. Not necessarily breaking any grammar rules, but could it be broken down for ease of reading?
 * 5) **Done. Unfortunately, I can't break it up any further. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:28, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:24, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I don't have the time to fully look it over right now, but one factual correction I'll point out. The Republic forces did not shoot Alama's ship down. There is nothing to indicate that in the comic, not even on the bonus page. He was shot down by the Separatists, and them only. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 20:34, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * JMAS: see Gunship over Florrum. Also, in the bonus page, he complains about the Republic sticking it's nose where it doesn't belong, not the Confederacy. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:50, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Is the game considered canon? On the bonus page, he says they stuck their nose in, not that they shot him down. They could have appeared suddenly, surprising him and causing him to veer into Separatist fire. But in the comic, Aayla Secura mentions "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." As the separatists are clearly the enemy, that would mean she didn't count Alama's as an adversary. If the game has you shooting down Alama, then that seems to contradict the comic. Just something to think about. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:08, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not seeing your argument. The game has some level of canonicity, as it's based on the comic and referenced in the comic as well. The game has you playing as the gunship, and after shooting down the Confederates you shoot down Alama's ship. On the bonus page, Alama says that the Republic scouts were "sticking their nose where it didn't belong". The line from Secura was her thinking out loud before sending Bly to investigate.  CC7567  (talk) 03:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * There's no contradiction: technically, in the game, the Separatists open fire on you first, and when Alama comes in, he attacks first as well. Bly follows Secura's orders, and obviously Alama was not a friend of the Republic. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * OK, then. Thanks for clarifying. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:09, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Billal Batross

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 14:33, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first ever attempt to do a GA. Thanks to CC7567 for a pre-nom review.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 18:48, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Preliminaries
 * 2) * For now, can the intro be slimmed down? It's still a bit long. Try to only include details that are utterly necessary to the reader's very basic understanding of the character.  CC7567  (talk) 22:00, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I managed to make it a bit slimmer, but I'm not sure if anything else could be cut - it already tells only the very basics of the story.  Mauser  Comlink 07:14, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I guess that's fine for now; if I end up disagreeing again in future looks, I'll talk it over with you.
 * 5) * One more for now: "and were offered by Captain Taavin to help bring down Sollima in exchange for the release": check your diction of "offered"; that's not how the word is used. Please go through the article again and look for this; I'm still seeing it in multiple places, and it's not making sense. Also, "bring down" is too colloquial and not very specific; please clarify this.  CC7567  (talk) 07:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Yeah, that's my bad. I'm not a native english-speaker =\  Mauser  Comlink 09:48, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Clone attack
 * 8) * "so he asked to retrieve the droid": subject missing somewhere in there; it's not reading well.
 * 9) **Adressed.
 * 10) ***Please check this again; the current wording states that Batross asked Sollima if the crime lord could retrieve the droid himself.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Tweaked.
 * 12) * "Since the orders were to bring the droid back intact, the Aleena ordered to shoot them": who did he order?
 * 13) **Adressed.
 * 14) * "All the wealth, however, was soon afterward snatched away from him." Soon and afterward are slightly redundant here; I would suggest replacing both with "later" or a similar word.
 * 15) **Adressed.
 * 16) * In the refnote about Batross' "deceptive nature," can you explain a bit how the events were presented? Just knowing Batross' deceptive nature isn't enough to determine that they possibly never took place.
 * 17) **I am unsure about this one. The trick is, during the same conversation he directly lies at least twice (about being proud of Han's achievements and about being willing to change), so the reader obviously suspects a catch with that claim. Furthermore, when Han asks Batross about the money he gained, he says that "rotten luck snatched it away", which makes the reader even more suspicious. I think the fact alone that he lies to Han several times throughout the whole story is enough for not believing his words without proof. Should I add all this to the ref note?
 * 18) ***My concern was that I wasn't sure which appearance or source it came from; sorry for not clarifying. As long as it's specified that this was in the comic, it should be fine.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Tweaked the ref note a bit.
 * 20) * If you say "the representatives of the Empire," it needs to be stated which specific representatives they were. If you mean representatives in general, please remove the "the".
 * 21) **Adressed.
 * 22) * "he asked to retrieve the droid": please check this whole sentence; it's not making sense.
 * 23) **Adressed.
 * 24) ***Everything is fine except for the wording problem that I mentioned in the response to the objection above about "asked".  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Tweaked.
 * 26) * "Captain Taavin of the Empire then ordered to release both prisoners": who did he order to release them?
 * 27) **Adressed.
 * 28) * "According to Taavin's plan": rewording can be applied here; things are normally "according" to people, not necessarily inanimate objects.
 * 29) **Adressed.
 * 30) * "relatively intact": instead of stating it this way, I would recommend saying "with minor injures" or something for better clarity.
 * 31) **Adressed.
 * 32) *I'm up to "Escape from the Hollow Moon"; I'll finish later when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 20:07, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Again, thanks for your patience.  Mauser  Comlink 09:36, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***It's no problem; we all have to start somewhere, and your first nom is looking quite good. :)  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Attack of the Clone III
 * 36) * "Realizing that the invasion of his world was unpreventable, Sollima, in a desperate attempt, asked Batross to kill his friend for a large sum of money, but Batross refused, stating that he and Solo were partners." This sentence is a bit choppy with the extra prepositional phrase (in a desperate attempt); please try to either smooth out the flow or remove the phrase if it can't be improved.
 * 37) **I found that bit unnecessary.
 * 38) * Solo threatened Sollima for Chewie's whereabouts, but did he get them? I know it's implied, but it needs to be clarified.
 * 39) **Adressed.
 * 40) * "he decided that he would become the third member": it's either he believed that he would become the third member, or that he wanted to become the third member; the current wording isn't really working.
 * 41) **Tweaked.
 * 42) * "Leading a life of a gambler, a con artist and an occasional thief": this is technically grammatically correct, but it's a bit choppy; can it be reworded?
 * 43) **I did a rewording, but if fact I don't like it myself. See how's that with you.
 * 44) * Solo's "incredible luck" is a bit POV-oriented; if it's stated, examples need to be given and it needs to be more specific.
 * 45) **It is indirectly stated by Batross when he complains about his own luck (P&T quote), but I decided to remove that, since it does indeed look like POV.
 * 46) * "such as the crime lords Sollima and Imperial officer Taavin": please check subject/plural agreement here.
 * 47) **Adressed.
 * 48) *I'll probably look it over once more after these objections are fixed, but good work.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Ah, mesa not so good with englishes. =(  Mauser  Comlink 07:36, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) Final stand
 * 51) * It doesn't seem likely that Taavin would have to "ask" them to double-cross Sollima; since they were apparently desperate to get out, they would have wanted to do anything to be freed. I think better word choice can be used here. Perhaps something to do with "agreed", but if that word is used, the sentence will need to be reworded.
 * 52) **Tweaked, both in bio and the intro.
 * 53) * When he was being tortured by Sollima's thugs and at first refused to accompany Batross, did Solo want to simply undertake the mission himself? The current wording implies that, but also implies that Solo didn't want to do anything with Batross, and therefore avoid doing the mission altogether. This needs to be clarified.
 * 54) **Actually, it's unclear. The exact quote is: "No, no, no, no. No way. No deal. Solly - find someone else." It isn't specified if Han was asking to find someone else in his place, or in place of Batross.
 * 55) * "Solo transmitted the landing code received from Sollima": when exactly did they get the landing code? It's a bit unclear. If it wasn't specified, the wording needs to be more neutral so that it doesn't sound like it's speculating.
 * 56) **Addressed.
 * 57) * Specifically what is Solo's "skill" in the P&T? General, or skill in a specific field?
 * 58) **Adressed.
 * 59) * "Powerful individuals" needs to be specified; right now, it's slightly POV. If it were to be "individuals wielding great power", it might work better, but it needs to be clarified specifically what kind of power they held.
 * 60) **I choose to remove that bit completely.
 * 61) *It's almost there, Mauser, and it's looking very good. :)  CC7567  (talk) 23:34, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) Soresu
 * 63) * the Aleena ordered to shoot them. Doesn't flow very well.
 * 64) **Adressed.
 * 65) * gave the prisoners a choice: stand trial for sabotage and treason against the Empire, conflicts with As the only alternative for the accomplices was going to prison. Wasn't the alternative trial?
 * 66) **The Imperial Captain says that if they refuse to co-operate, they will stand trial, but adds that they'll spend the rest of their lives as sellmates. So, I choose to use different wordings in the intro and the bio. Do you think I should change one of them?
 * 67) ***No, it's fine. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Batross activated a bomb hidden inside the droid's head and threw it at two of the gangster's bodyguards, both of whom were killed in the explosion. Both Humans and the Aleena. Both is a little repetitive.
 * 69) **Adressed.
 * 70) *Looks like CC got most of the minor things. Very well done, Mauser. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:30, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) **Thanks for the review ;)  Mauser  Comlink 10:58, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ***Anytime. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * A note: the article's at c. 2,600 words, so it's within the GAN word count limit of 3,000.  CC7567  (talk) 20:23, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll take another look when I get the chance, but solid work. :)  CC7567  (talk) 07:44, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Ares Nune

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 20:32, 14 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Kite and Laudable noms.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 13:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 20:23, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Mauser  Comlink 00:08, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Infobox image: get one of at least the infobox size (the new viewer has the same images in higher resolution).
 * 3) * Non-haired species should not have the haircolor line filled in the infobox at all, right?
 * 4) **You're right, addressed.
 * 5) * Can you find another main quote? Many the one starting with "General Ares Nune reporting..." ?
 * 6) **Done
 * 7) * The quote from HoloNet News — A Galaxy Divided: I always though that was said by a clone trooper, based on the voice, not by Nune.
 * 8) **OK, changed.
 * 9) **Now it is unclear why the quote in the article at all. I'm sure a more relevant one can be found.  Mauser  Comlink  10:01, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Can something esle be added to the P&T? Like the fact that ordered another sweep of the area because he wasn't convinced after the first one?
 * 11) **Put in.
 * 12) * Again, are you sure it's Nune's voice appearing in the Holonet broadcast? The list of voice actors does not mention Nune in any way.
 * 13) **I'm going to have to discuss this with CC, we both thought it was Nune.
 * 14) ***OK, I talked it over with CC, we changed all the article it applies to.
 * 15) ****The quote in the Biography section still remains.
 * 16) * Mauser  Comlink 20:46, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Thanks for the review. Kilson Lies PIE 05:27, 20 June 09 (UTC)
 * 18) Jujiggum
 * 19) * "After doing so, the ship proceeded to destroy Nune's entire task force, destroying General Nune, Kite, and the entire Republic fleet." Destroying Nune and Kite? I think this could be reworded better, and destroying is repetetive.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) * I think you could work something else into the P&t; like Mauser suggested, maybe something about how he was cautious. Also, the sentence that is there now could be worded a little better ("showing it when" is awkward).
 * 22) **Put in
 * 23) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:42, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for the review. You just seem to be going over all my noms. Kilson Likes PIE 05:27, 20 June 09 (UtC)
 * 25) ***No problem, and I haven't been over all of them...yet... Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 13:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Attack of the Clone
 * 27) *Just a note: after you use a ref for the first time (namely, in the infobox), please remember to use the <ref name="its name" /> in all following cases, namely in the infobox. I know it's easier to copy/paste this, but it's not always nice to the Reflist.
 * 28) * Per the discussion about the speaker in HNN A Galaxy Divided, that bio quote is unfortunately not confirmed to be Nune. You can keep it if you want, but the speaker still isn't identified. (As such, I'm removing the "clone trooper" speaker from the last paragraph of the bio.) You might be better off with checking the web comic for a replacement, but I'm not sure if there are any left.
 * 29) * Even though it may sound like a word, "precautious" isn't one; I'm not sure what you want to change it to, but please replace it.
 * 30) **I was looking at a bad dictionary.  CC7567  (talk) 00:28, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Can you try to get another image into the article, namely the one of his death?  CC7567  (talk) 06:37, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Sacking of Coruscant

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:49, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Bring it on.

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * --Gbadude3 02:20, 16 June 2009 (UTC)


 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:42, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 23:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:36, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Great1 ( Talk ) 00:45, 20 June 2009 (EST)
 * 5) Very good work!--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:34, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd makes his return to the GAN:
 * 2) * "Although members of the Jedi Order and Republic Special Forces attempted to defend their capital, the Sith forces overwhelmed them, and by the time the fighting had ended, the Jedi Temple had been reduced to rubble, with six members of the Jedi Council killed, along with the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic." Overly long sentence with too many commas. Break it up and/or reword.
 * 3) **Split and reworded.
 * 4) * "The treaty was highly unfair for the Republic, calling for the immediate withdrawal of all Republic forces and Jedi from all battlefronts." Uses "all" twice. Vary up your word choice.
 * 5) **Addressed...kinda. It sounds weird to me. Thoughts?
 * 6) ***No, it's good now.
 * 7) * I've noticed that your prose has an overabundance of commas. Try to reduce this.
 * 8) **I've removed a few. Not a ton but a few. Need more?
 * 9) *Other than that, very good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:43, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Thank ya very much. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:29, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) The clone doesn't know why he's in this era either
 * 12) * Can you get the date in the intro and the body instead of just keeping it in the infobox?
 * 13) **It's in the body prelude. Want more or is that bueno?
 * 14) ***Oops, didn't catch that.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * The intro includes a bit much about the Treaty of Coruscant, when all it is is the aftermath of the battle. I would recommend reducing it to a sentence or so; I understand that the Sacking had a great effect on it, but in the interest of an intro including only information directly related to the article, it can be reduced.
 * 16) **I think I got it.
 * 17) ***I think it can be slimmed down a little more into one sentence; leaving it at "controversial Treaty, which stopped the war" will be fine here.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ****K, I removed the Treaty's terms but left in the Cold War mention. Is that okay?
 * 19) *****Yeah, that's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 07:46, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "In the centuries following the Great Hyperspace War, several members of the Republic's Jedi Order would take up the mantle of the Sith and ignite galactic conflicts, such as the Exar Kun War and the Jedi Civil War." The future tense thing here is unnecessary; it's talking from a reminiscent perspective that isn't appropriate in the prelude of the actual battle.
 * 21) **Taken care of I believe.
 * 22) * Both the first two paragraphs of the prelude start with "After"; can one be reworded?
 * 23) **Yes sir.
 * 24) * "Unbeknownst to the Republic, the Jedi, and these new Sith, a faction of the original Sith had survived the destruction of the Empire after being led into the Unknown Regions of the galaxy by a mysterious Dark Lord who would become the Emperor of the surviving Sith." Rather long-winded; try to break this one up and reword.
 * 25) **Splt.
 * 26) * "The Jedi and Sith fought viciously while the bounty hunter engaged Temple Security with rockets and a flame thrower." This sentence needs to be reworded; whether intentionally or not, it's a null comparison that's comparing the Jedi and Sith's fighting intensity to the bounty hunter's methods of attack.
 * 27) **Changed the "while" to "as" so it's more of a note of simultaneous action than differing action. Does that help?
 * 28) * "During the melee, the Sith's Twi'lek aide was incapacitated after being thrown with the Force into a column by one of the Jedi that had originally confronted her and the Sith." Can that Jedi somehow be mentioned earlier?
 * 29) **I attempted to initially, and it repeatedly came off extremely awkward. Other than "one of the Jedi that had originally confronted her" there's no other way to identify him. If I put him in there when I talk about the Jedi encircling her and the Sith, it reads like "...while the Sith and Twi'lek were confronted by several Jedi, including one very special one, in the main entrance hall below." Without a name it's just too awkward.
 * 30) * "Angral, the Sith Lord in command of the strike on Coruscant": the "strike on Coruscant" reads a bit awkwardly here. I'm not sure whether you mean the strike on the planet itself or on its surface; please clarify.
 * 31) **Changed "on" to "against".
 * 32) * Sith Warship or Sith warship? Both are used; please be consistent.
 * 33) **Fixed up.
 * 34) * The battle part of the article is a bit subsectioned. Can you try perhaps merging the two last sections? However, if this is done, image placement will need to be fixed, so please try to work this out.
 * 35) **The problem here is that in the two appearances (Threat of Peace & Deceived) of the battle, there are two distinct portions of the battle that are specified, those being the invasion of the temple and the attack on the Senate. The timeline doesn't go into specifics, however it does give a broad overview of the events during the battle, such as the collapse of the temple and the death of the Jedi Masters. I originally had those mixed in with the other sections, however it looked out of place and awkward. With two paragraphs worth of information, I reasoned it was enough for a section, however if you have any other suggestions, they would be welcome.
 * 36) * When you refer to the Jedi Temple without the "Jedi", is it Temple or temple? You use both throughout the article.
 * 37) **Waiting on this one per IRC.
 * 38) ***I'll check this again when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "reducing the assembly's numbers by half": it needs to be either "by half of ", or it needs to be reworded.
 * 40) **I mixed up the wording but it seems reallllly strange to me now. Would you prefer going simple and saying "During the fighting, half of the Jedi High Council was killed."?
 * 41) ***Yeah, I think that would be best.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Taken care of.
 * 43) * Same subsectioning issue for the Aftermath; two short paragraphs don't really constitute a section. Please try to merge them. New image placement will also need to be applied here.
 * 44) **Same situation as above, however I could merge the Occupation with the Republic's losses, however the occupation was really part of the aftermath, not during the sacking itself. Thoughts? (Also keep in mind that with the rate that information being released, all of these sections will grow quickly and be more fit to stand on their own.)
 * 45) * For both "Repercussion" paragraphs, both start with "With". Can one be reworded?
 * 46) **Yes sir.
 * 47) * 1st needs to be used in Appearances where appropriate.
 * 48) **Done.
 * 49) *Overall, the article is quite solid for an event from so recently released appearances. Good work.  CC7567  (talk) 05:09, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Thank you. :) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 07:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Soresu
 * 52) * The ship came to a halt directly in front of the lone Sith, Didn't it stop behind the Sith?
 * 53) **Yeah good catch.
 * 54) * Could the quote descriptions be expanded a bit? Just stating the speaker isn't enough, and it becomes rather bland.
 * 55) **Expanded a few. The first can't really be expanded though, because it was more like narration.
 * 56) ***Much better now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:36, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *It's looking good! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:44, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thank you! Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 00:23, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 01:25, 15 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 01:45, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Like the Treaty of Coruscant, this article will obviously require updating as time goes on, and like the Treaty, I intend on doing just that. But at the moment, it's in the GA range. And I have no plans to go for anything higher until it's stable. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:49, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fixed quite a few spelling errors in my 1st copyedit, also removed unnecessary tags in the body. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Thanks. I was almost certain i didn't catch all of them. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:38, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Also I fixed the "Decieved" reference to "Deceived" – proper spelling :P <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Sure. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:58, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I reworded a couple things related to the objections.--Gbadude3 02:20, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified navigation officer (Resolute)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 00:42, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First unidentified character pour moi. Felt strange with having only two GANs.

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:59, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice and clean.  Mauser  Comlink 20:34, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:20, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Excellent. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:38, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:57, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd's back
 * 2) * First two sentences in the intro start exactly the same way.
 * 3) **Gah. Addressed.
 * 4) * "Around 22 BBY, he was stationed aboard the cruiser" Specify which cruiser it is. It is somewhat unclear. If you changed it to "the Star Destroyer" it would be better, but do it as you see fit.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "when it was part of Jedi General Anakin Skywalker's fleet to eliminate a Confederate blockade surrounding the planet of Ryloth." The fleet to eliminate part is rather strangely worded.
 * 7) **Addressed with the above.
 * 8) * "they usually had him to lead them—and that his command of the attack would have ensured its success." This part is rather unclear; Is "him" Skywalker or the navigation officer?
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * The P&T section is a mere rehash of his comments toward Tano. What does his comments mean in regards to his actual personality?
 * 11) **I don't want to assume too much because there's only so much that can be inferred before speculation starts. I've reworded slightly, but I can't say if his doubt also caused him to suggest more time and plan.
 * 12) *Good job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:07, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review, Floyd.  CC7567  (talk) 02:14, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Mauser:
 * 15) * According to The Clone Wars Campaign Guide, he is a clone naval officer, this should be mentioned somewhere.
 * 16) **Ugh, I really should have checked that first. Addressed.
 * 17) *Can't find anything else in need of fixing, I'm sure it will pass soon.  Mauser  Comlink 10:06, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the look.  CC7567  (talk) 20:27, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) The Grand Master
 * 20) * "During the planning, the officer accidentally let slip his doubt in Tano, and remained uncertain with the chance of success of Tano's plan for employing a risky Marg Sabl maneuver." I think this could be reworded better; it's not grammatically wrong, but right now it reads rather awkwardly.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Please reword the first sentence of the bio; it seems a little abrupt. Also, I believe that, technically, he would be a naval officer in the Republic Navy, not the GAR, since the Navy and army were separate units.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * "After taking account of the losses and treating the wounded..." Do you mean "taking a count"?
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * You could make it a little clearer in the bio what exactly it was that the officer doubted about Ahsoka.
 * 27) **While I've added "abilities", I realize it's redundant with the P&T, but rewording it isn't much of an option. Except for her abilities, it was never specified what he actually doubted, and any other synonyms change the meaning to speculation.  CC7567  (talk) 01:29, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***I'll take it. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:38, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:09, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 31) * Yularen should be mentioned in the intro as this officer's superior. Additionally, Yularen should be mentioned earlier in the Bio with appropriate context (including that he was injured during the initial assault); right now, you just seem to throw the admiral in randomly near the end.
 * 32) **Addressed, although I'm not sure if the way I got it in is enough.
 * 33) * The intro also needs the results of the Marg Sabl maneuver - specifically, did it work? If you want, you could even briefly mention that Tano's suggestion ultimately allowed the Republic to liberate Ryloth. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:03, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Addressed; thanks for the look, Tranner.  CC7567  (talk) 20:51, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vazus Mandrake

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 19:50, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Separatist soldier

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 14:43, 25 June 2009 (UTC) Object > JangFett  Talk 14:43, 25 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 20:09, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 20:28, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * Give more context on the end of the Clone Wars and the rise of the Empire.
 * 3) **Added --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Source the BtS.
 * 5) **Added --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Mandrake was worried by this, as he believed that the trooper would report the village’s location to it’s superiors and so the Imperials would come and attack the Felucians." This sentence is rather awkwardly worded. Reword it.
 * 7) **Reworded --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "The agents agreed. They took the kybucks and rode off in pursuit of the speeder bike." Very choppy. Merge these two sentences together.
 * 9) **Reworded. I did this to make it seem more dramatic, but on rereviewing it, I can see that it failed. Miserably --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Any other quotes for P&T or the other sections?
 * 11) **No, unfortunately, there isn't --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * The second section of the bio generally doesn't flow very well.
 * 13) **I have had a slight look at it, but I'm not quite sure what bits of it are causing the problem --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *The prose is rather choppy and I think you should work on that, but nice job overall.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 20:02, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Back when I was at school, I think my English teacher would have agreed with you and this seems to be a problem that I have with all the noms that I do, so I will try to do the best I can to improve my writing style. If there are any further problems, then please let me know. --Jinzler 09:24, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Fett's 2 cents/prelims
 * 17) * Check your head quote's source. Seeing a red link. Did you misspell the source or the page doesn't exist yet&mdash;new source?
 * 18) **This was a typo and AdmirableAckbar kindly delt with it --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Missing tags in the infobox
 * 20) **Sorry, I forgot about these and have now added them --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Missing quotes in the body&mdash;more specifically in his biography.
 * 22) **The source does not provide any more quotes --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Intro can be cut down a little.
 * 24) **Done --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Reorganize your main body sections. You begin with "==The Clone Wars" (Also missing dates. 22 BBY–19 BBY ), and then section introduces his early life. If you can rename that section to "Early Life" and then rename the next section to "The Clone Wars (With the dates)", then it should flow better. Under "The Clone Wars" you can add the subsection "===Life with the Felucians===".
 * 26) **I disagree. Dates aren't really necessary, as we don't know that he participated in the whole of the Clone Wars. Also I don't think that an early life section is necessary. All we know about his early like is that he was from Corulag, so it makes more sense to include this in the Clone Wars section, rather than give it a section of its own --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Fett, I guessing that you still disagree with me, as you have struck all your other objections, except this one. While I appreciate your proposal, I do not consider it necessary and it could worsen the appearance of the article, so I will not implement it, unless someone from the AgiCorps backs you up on this --Jinzler 23:17, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ****Oh no Jinzler, I looked at the article again about a week ago and forgot to strike this out. Sorry :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **Thank you for the review --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Attack of the Clone
 * 3) * Any more quotes to be found?
 * 4) **Both Fett and Floyd have asked me this. The answer is no :) Jinzler 21:08, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * In general, please consider scrapping at least some of the context you've included in the article. In multiple places, it disrupts sentence flow, and unless you deem it to be completely and utterly necessary, it doesn't need to be in there.
 * 6) **Yeah, I didn't want to get objections for not having enough context. I have removed some and I believe that all the context that is left is necessary. If you think I should remove some more, then let me know --Jinzler 21:08, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Context isn't always required, only when it's extremely necessary; it's been the subject of much recent dispute.  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * It sounds like there's too much on Skywalker and Palpatine; again, is this really necessary to Mandrake? Yes, the New Order had a direct effect on him, but not the two Sith persay.
 * 9) **I added this as Floyd said I didn't have enough context on the end of the Clone Wars and the Empire. However, I may have gone a bit over-the-top with it and I have now cut it down --Jinzler
 * 10) * There's a slight overuse of the word "he" throughout the article, even when it can apply to several different characters. Please go over the article again and check for clarity.  CC7567  (talk) 06:55, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **I think I have removed it for all instances where who "he" is is uncertain. If you think havn't done this well enough, then again, let me know --Jinzler 21:08, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * If there's enough information on it, his unit deserves an article, so it should at least be redlinked. Also, was it defined what kind of unit it was, i.e. a squadron, company, or something else?  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **The source doesn't give any other information about his unit or specify what kind of unit it was, so I don't think there is enough info to warrant giving it an article of its own --Jinzler 23:17, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this so far. I appreciate you taking time to look at it --Jinzler 21:08, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll take another look over the article when I next get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 23:23, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Moradmin Bast
> JangFett  Talk 00:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Quite solid work, One of the few outside TCW articles I've rewritten :P

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * "Moradmin Bast was an Imperial Army general, subordinate to High General Cassio Tagge, and the personal aide to Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin aboard the first Death Star, and served as chief manager in the Death Star." Split these sentences up.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"Though soon after, Bast was killed when the Death Star exploded near Yavin 4, after Luke Skywalker's proton torpedo entered the Thermal exhaust port in the Death Star." The "Though soon after" is rather awkward.
 * 5) **Indeed, removed that statement.
 * 6) * " Seated to the left of his superior officer, Tagge, the group of command staff stationed in the Death Star discussed the Rebel Alliance, and their victory in obtaining the Death Star plans." Is it really relevant where he sat?
 * 7) **Not really :) Removed
 * 8) * " Motti and Tagge argued about the Imperial Senate's continuous support for the Alliance, though with the intervention of Tarkin, he announced to the assembled command staff the Emperor's dissolution of the Imperial Senate. " Reword. It makes it sound like Motti or Tagge announced the dissolution of the Senate, although it was Tarkin.
 * 9) **Removed that comma and added a period before "Though".
 * 10) * Be consistent on your capitalization of the "Force".
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * "During the Battle of Yavin, Imperial military analysts, who had been studying the Rebels' initial attempt to enter the battle station's northern polar trench, brought to Bast's attention." Brought what to Bast's attention?
 * 13) **Addressed and removed that statement.
 * 14) * "Bast indicated that the small thermal exhaust port was a potential danger to everyone onboard the battlestation. " Tell why the exhaust port is a danger.
 * 15) **Addressed. I stated that it was a entrance to the main reactor; I could say why it was a "danger" in a different sentence, but I don't want to get off topic.
 * 16) * "Though, the engineers stationed on the Death Star experienced slight difficulties, delaying the destruction of Yavin 4." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) * "after one of his fighters bumped his own fighter, " Reword.
 * 19) **haha, Thanks for addressing this objection. Fixed, hope that works
 * 20) * "as well as all the Death Star's commendations," I don't think commendations is appropriate here.
 * 21) **Reworded
 * 22) * Is content of the Legacy section really suitable for Legacy? It's really just "There was a guy who looked like him."
 * 23) **No, removed. The mentioning of the lookalike is in the bts.
 * 24) * Quote for P&T?
 * 25) **The only major quote he said in Episode IV was the "analyzed the attack sir". I don't want to repeat the quote because I used it two times. I moved one variation of that quote to the P&T from the Battle of Yavin section.
 * 26) * "many of whom were also assigned to the Death Star included:" Reword, although I would prefer you cut the part about the other Imperial officers with the same facial hair out entirely. It's not very relevant./s>
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * "The lookalike officer in the Holiday Special has not yet been identified, and his connection with Bast, if any, has not been explained, but it is known that is not Bast, and that Bast died in the Battle of Yavin." Split this sentence up, and the one following it.
 * 29) **Addressed
 * 30) * Watch your linking. Articles are linked to once in the intro and once in the main body of the article.
 * 31) **Fixed
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Mauser:
 * 34) *One thing is obligatory for all movie noms: check all adaptations. In your case: the novel, the junior novel, the Marvel adaptation, the Dark Horse adaptation, the Manga adaptation, the photo comic, the radio drama, The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader and possibly some others. Simply adding them to the appearances list is not nearly enough: you must check all of them for any new info and inconsistencies.
 * 35) **I completely agree, though I need to check if he was in the novel. I don't quite remember if he was in the 1976 and the most recent adaptions, but I will check. Bast wasn't identified until CCG, he was known by a different name/designation before the CCG. Death Star referred to Bast as "lieutenant".
 * 36) ***Fixed sources and references. Expanded bts as well.
 * 37) ****What about the Dark Horse adaptation and the radio drama?
 * 38) *A movie character with lines such as Bast is ought to have more sources mentioning him. Cards from Star Wars Trading Card Game and Star Wars PocketModel TCG are the first ones that spring to mind, but I'm sure there are a lot more. Even the sources, that are already listed, you don't seem to use. Where's the info from the Insider article, Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary, Star Wars Encyclopedia for that matter?
 * 39) **I'll be adding more sources and I'll check those visual dictionaries. Hopefully the newer sources say he is Bast.
 * 40) ***Same comment in the previous objection.
 * 41) *Keeping in mind that those two objections are pretty major and will require a lot of time to get the sources alone, I'd say this article's chances of getting GA'd in the near future are slim at best.  Mauser  Comlink 10:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) **With respect, Fett, you should have done that prior to moninating the article.  Mauser  Comlink 13:18, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Though a article can change throughout the nomination.
 * 44) ****Will give a full review after the last two sources are checked.  Mauser  Comlink 10:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Jinzler
 * 46) * The sources list is not in chronological order
 * 47) **I'm aware of that; I'll be adding new sources soon and reorder them.
 * 48) * I may be wrong, but wasn't Bast's rank known only to be "Chief" until the release of Death Star, which confirmed that he was a general? If so, this should be mentioned in the BTS section
 * 49) **CCG referred to him as Chief Bast. Death Star was only "lieutenant". But I'll check the novel just to make sure.
 * 50) * I know that Floyd has suggested that you remove the legacy section but if you keep it, it could do with some slight rephrasing: Two years after Bast's death, a man who served onboard the Imperial I-class Star Destroyer Devastator resembled Bast - this seems to give the impression that the man only resembled Bast while aboard the Star Destroyer. It would perhaps sound better if you changed it to "a man resembling Bast served onboard an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. Also you could perhaps add a bit more context to this and mention the Blockade of Kashyyyk
 * 51) *My favourite Death Star officer --Jinzler 23:30, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) **I agree :)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 00:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Appearances go above sources fyi. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Opps, must have missed that. Thanks for fixing that Trayus :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Unidentified Naboo merchant
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:45, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: "Shaken, not stirred"

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Look, the father of Han Solo's twin brother apparently worked for his son's mother-in-law. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:58, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Bond. James Bond.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:16, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:31, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:50, 17 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 17:15, 17 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:36, 18 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 09:54, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Farl-objection: Under BtS, easter egg links to "in-universe easter eggs that happen to exist", not to the out-of-universe concept of easter egg that could explain the use you are giving to the expression. I expect you to change it, Mr. Gon. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:04, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed, Mr. Farl. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * One objection: "This may indicate that he might have lied and was in fact a criminal as Kenobi suspected." This is speculation. Cut this out. Good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:03, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I think it is important to note that there is a possibility of him lying to Kenobi. Reworded to be less speculative, though. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) *"However, by giving Queen Amidala his stockpiled weapons the merchant proved that—at least partially—he had been telling the truth." The "at least partially" bit is speculation, and should be removed. I'd do it, but it seems unclear as to whether he actually is a legitimate citizen or not.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:28, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **And it is really unclear. Upon his meeting with Kenobi, he claims that he is not a criminal and is affilated with the resistance. True, he later provides Amidala with weapons, but that doesn't mean that he wasn't a criminal in the first place. Hence the "at least partially" part. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * He later encountered a young Jedi called Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was on a mission to rescue the Naboo Queen Padmé Amidala. The merchant begged Kenobi to release him, and the Jedi did so. The merchant later. Later is repetitive. I suggest you change the first.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *In future, remember that typing anything next to |hideb= will remove the biographical information section, and the same applies for the other sections, replacing the b with the first letter of the header. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:33, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks. I'll remember. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Images
 * 2) *Need at least 2 image more to be good article! I'm also pretty sure that there is even more information about him that could be writed, mostly in "Behind the scenes".--Kreivi Wolter 22:25, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **No, it doesn't need two more images. Requirement 16 clearly states a Good Article nomination must "include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available." Nowhere does it say that a Good Article needs a minimum of two images plus the infobox image. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:36, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ummmm, okay, uuhhhh, I didn't exactly meant that, sorry, I know I phrased it unclearly. 2 images (or why not even 1) are(/is) needed to get my own, personal opinion to support this site to good. I have played the game and I know that there is at least 2 possible image that would expand the article. And there's also several dark side options in game, like killing him or leaving him in his fate, which should be placed on the "Behind the scenes".--Kreivi Wolter 22:57, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****"Personal opinion" doesn't cut it. If the nominator does not wish to add any more images, then he doesn't have to just because you want him to. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:00, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Uummmmm, okay, I, uhhhhh, I just suggested how to expand the article.--Kreivi Wolter 23:04, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Jor Drakas
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 19:04, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Yep, it's the Clone Wars, not The Clone Wars.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:15, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:45, 17 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 09:09, 18 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:36, 22 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:08, 21 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:52, 22 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 10:55, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * "He participated in two battles against the Chiss Dark Jedi Sev'rance Tann, fighting her first at the Kaer Orbital Platform, and then, on the Galactic Republic energy world Sarapin." Awkward. Reword.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Contextify Count Dooku more.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "Drakas was then assigned to guard the Galactic Republic energy world of Sarapin, after suspicions were raised about the Separatists' possible attempt at securing Sarapin's natural energy reserves." Reword, since "suspicions were raised" would be more appropriate if the Separatists were suspected of trying to secure Sarapin, not if they definitely did.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Give context on the Decimator. Why is it so special?
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * No P&T.
 * 11) * Unsourced info in the BtS.
 * 12) **For the last two objections, see below. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***Both addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 20:42, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Attack of the Clone
 * 3) * The context for the Clone Wars is slightly detracting from the sentence flow, and it's making the sentence unnecessarily long; please consider removing it.
 * 4) **Removed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * "Sarapin fell in the Confederacy hands": please check this.
 * 2) **Well, there was nothing else on Sarapin except for the main Republic base on Mount Corvast, some smaller Republic bases and drilling platforms. Tann destroyed all Republic forces, captured drilling platforms and established a Confederacy base on Mount Corvast. I'd say it is pretty much "fell". <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***That's fine, but you can't literally or figuratively "fall in" the "Confederacy's hands"; it's fall "into".  CC7567  (talk) 23:03, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ****Oh, I must've misunderstood your objection. Yes, I meant "into". <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Can the P&T be expanded in any way, perhaps re: his strategical sense, if he had one, or simply any of his accomplishments?  CC7567  (talk) 07:09, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **I'm afraid not. There are none known accomplishments and nothing is known about his strategical sense either. He is a minor character who appears very briefly in two missions. As I said below, nothing else to add. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 19:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 19:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I couldn't find any source for the last sentence in Bts, yet I think it is pretty obvious. I'm open for suggestions. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * But if there isn't any source, it should be removed as nothing actually states that it is a Bib Fortuna screenshot.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:28, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Really nothing to add for the P&T, except for the "pathetic" part and the lightsaber color, but I think both are fine in the biography. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nevertheless, Rule 13. If there is any information, put it in a P&T section.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:28, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Little Bivoli

 * Nominated by: Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 20:42, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: So I had to disappear before seeing it through last time but I'm back with a vengeance and aiming for FAN after.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:19, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) *Floyd:
 * 2) * "The person that he had been hired to deliver the ship" Eh? Reword.
 * 3) **Even I'm confused at that, more so that I didn't realise it. Fixed. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * In the intro: You should put the reason why he was called into battle formation earlier, since it seems rather random on its own.
 * 5) **Fixed and expanded the intro too. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * First sentence of "Acquisition" needs to be split up.
 * 7) **Fixed. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 11:41, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Description section generally doesn't flow very well.
 * 9) **Fixed.Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 11:41, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Give info on Gryph and Zayne's destination and why they were traveling.
 * 11) **I've looked through the ones all the way before DoF and the best reason seems to be to keep running from the Republic so I've added that in. 10 points if anyone can find a specific destination though. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 11:41, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Why did Gryph hire Slyssk to steal the ship? Clarify.
 * 13) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Slyssk demonstrated his lack of skill at piloting, due to being kicked out of the Raff Syndicate after learning how to steal ships but not how to actually fly them, " Reword, since this sounds like his lack of piloting skill results from being kicked out of the Raff Syndicate.
 * 15) **Missed this one out, fixed now. (I always find the many many bullet points hard to read) Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 21:29, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Why would Slyssk demand more money? Clarify.
 * 17) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Carrick pulled a damaged lamppost down on top of Slyssk but not before Heirogryph pulled him out of the way fooling Slyssk into making a life-debt to him, declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk. Rather long and rambling sentence. Split it up, and also give context on what "Ghrakhowsk" is.
 * 19) **Unrambled and contextified. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "It was this life-debt that let Hierogryph and Carrick have the ship without having to pay Slyssk in that he did not want his Ghrakhowsk to pay him, only to be allowed to serve him." Only to be allowed to serve him is rather awkward. Reword.
 * 21) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Clarify why the previous owners would attack them.
 * 23) **Fixed for the people who wonder why people would attack those stealing their ship. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Deciding to drop the matter in favor of saving themselves," What matter? The price haggling? Them being shot at?
 * 25) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "According to Heirogryph, Trandoshans such as Slyssk weren't known for being good cooks because no-one had ever asked them to which he used to entice Carth Onasi, a lieutenant in the Courageous battle group, to eat at the Bivoli." Split this sentence up.
 * 27) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "With Heirogryph being the host at the front, Carrick was relegated to dish-washing and often it seemed, did not do so. " Rather awkward. Reword.
 * 29) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Mention that Carrick was fleeing the Jedi due to his involvement in the Padawan Massacre, since the part where it says he's a fugitive kind of comes out of nowhere.
 * 31) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 11:41, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Why would Zayne need an alias when speaking with Onasi? Clarify.
 * 33) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "a combination of the names of one of his fellow Padawans Shad Jelavan and Camper" Reword, since it sounds like Camper is one of his fellow Padawans.
 * 35) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Clarify what "Stereb" is.
 * 37) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "It was now that Carrick had his Force vision" It was now is rather awkward.
 * 39) **Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * Unsourced statements in the BtS.
 * 41) **Sourced Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 22:43, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:56, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **Thanks for the review, hopefully I haven't made more problems whilst addressing these. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:58, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Devon Four

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 08:05, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A planet

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:26, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Go Cestus. :P  CC7567  (talk) 07:30, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Vecy nice.  Mauser  Comlink 10:43, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Oh, Sheeka... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:24, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:26, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:58, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farl: Devon 4, Objections 2. Victory for the Devon team.
 * 2) * The text mentions the planet as Devon 4 (Arabic numeral); the article is titled Devon IV (Roman numeral); and the quote seems to suggest that the canon form is Devon Four (natural language). If the canon is consistent when dealing with the planet's name, then the article should be too; if the canon isn't, then the article should be consistent and some BtS note could be used.
 * 3) * "unrelenting, the Republic blocked any shipments of antidote to the planet". Repeated twice in the same paragraph.
 * 4) * Nothing else, thank you very much. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:16, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Nice tagline! I've moved it to Devon Four, as both the book and the CSWE spell it out. I also removed the repeat info. Thanks for the review. --Eyrezer 01:52, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 287 words as of the time of this post.  Mauser  Comlink 10:43, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified Gran worker

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:12, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My WP:TCW nom number 3

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 18:54, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Soon to appear in Fate of the Jedi. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:27, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) You referenced it fine. Kilson Likes PIE 21:36, 21 June 09 (UTC)
 * 4) --Clone Commander Lee 18:27, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Nayayen
 * 2) * "...to obtain several of the new starfighters for his squadron." Why did he want/need the new fighters?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *You may want to mention in his P&T that he assumed that the Jedi were there for "A, uh, surprise inspection, is it?".
 * 5) **I'm afraid I don't see what relevance this has to his personality. Could you specify exactly what you think I should add? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 13:43, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***True, it doesn't fit in the P&T. It would be better put in the main biography, the double page spread with that quote on gives the impression that he was highly surprised to see Skywalker there. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 14:21, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *&mdash; Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 20:41, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) You beat me to him. :P You just need to add Pablo's intentions about the Grans working there to the the Bts, and it'll look almost as good as PIE. Kilson Like PIE 23:22, 20 June 09 (UTC)
 * 9) *Added, but I'm not sure if I referenced this correctly. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 13:43, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ** Sorry about butting in here, but Jon, it would be best to use Cite web here for the ref. If you need help with it, let me know.  CC7567  (talk) 23:48, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Yeah, I've never done that before. Would you mind showing me how it's done? Thanks CC :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:02, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **** I've filled in what I can, but you're going to have to fill in the rest, namely the access date. Also, that needs to be listed under the Sources. Perhaps Hidigano's post could be quoted in the Bts? Also, you may want to note that the intentions of the Gran were conjecture, since it wasn't confirmed in the comic.  CC7567  (talk) 00:08, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *****Addressed? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:58, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) The Clone
 * 15) * Unfortunately, the entire article requires sourcing, as 22 BBY isn't referenceable to the comic; it has to be "around 22 BBY" and referenced to the TCW novel. Also, likewise with Shadow of Malevolence being the third episode of the TV series, except that has to be referenced to the ep guide.
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * Can you get another image in somewhere?  CC7567  (talk) 07:35, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Added one of the testing facility. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 13:43, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Redeemer (Venator-class)

 * Nominated by: Kilson Like PIE 23:23, 20 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Defender nom. Me and CC both think that there's not enough info. for a Commanders and crew section.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) I have no problems with it. Well done, PIEman.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:13, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 10:07, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Why there is little no technical information listed, both in the body and in the infobox, when the Venator-class Star Destroyer article has plenty?
 * 3) **If I might butt in here, it's because the Redeemer wasn't confirmed to be a "universal" Star Destroyer; for example, we don't know the specifics for the crew. It has to be clarified directly, or else it's just speculation.  CC7567  (talk) 18:40, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***We may be oblivious about the crew, but we can be sure it has standard width/height, right?  Mauser  Comlink 20:37, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****For now, I rather doubt it; who's to say that it wasn't modified? Just because the original Venator was a certain size doesn't mean that it was used on all destroyers; again, unless there's a source (and a recent one at that) that clearly states "All Venators Are This Size", it's still speculation.  CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Because the animators use the same model over and over again, that's why! =) Seriously, I looked at the other starships FA and GA and mpst of them seem to ignore the characteristics of individual ships, even if they are presented in a sourcebook for the class as a whole. No point arguing with that, I think, no matter how I disagree.  Mauser  Comlink 10:07, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Can somehting else be found for the BTS?
 * 8) **Gave another little tidbit, but other than that, not really. Kilson Likes PIE 21:53, 21 June 09 (UTC)
 * 9) *Otherwise looks good.  Mauser  Comlink 10:36, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Attack of the Clone
 * 11) *"The Redeemer was part of the Republic's task force of three Venator-class cruisers to eliminate the Confederate blockade, led by the Jedi General Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan, Jedi Commander Ahsoka Tano, along with the cruisers Resolute and Defender. " Please try to reword this sentence; it currently sounds like there's more than three cruisers involved.
 * 12) *"It also had a pair of command towers and eight engines equipped." Can "equipped" be varied, as it's used in the previous sentence? Also, the word order isn't working here.
 * 13) *Just a note: while I realize this adheres to the Manual of Style, please consider changing "Venator" to "Venator-class" in all related instances; it gives the impression that it's fanon.
 * 14) *"However, Tuuk summoned four more Munificent frigates to support his fleet, which opened fire upon the Republic task force, causing heavy damage to all three Star Destroyers." The excess commas are making this sentence choppy.
 * 15) *While it's fine to leave the stuff about Skywalker's defeat of Tuuk in the article, please try to shorten it a tad. It's not directly relevant to the article, and it doesn't require as much detail as it currently has.
 * 16) *Does the CSWE have an entry for the Redeemer, as the Defender did?  CC7567  (talk) 20:50, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 23:08, 21 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 23:14, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Missing a lot of Venator-class Star Destroyer description. Other than that, nice work Kilson :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Please see the response to Mauser's comment.  CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Indeed, I concur with his objection. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Unidentified Sith soldier (South Apartments)

 * Nominated by: SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:51, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:KOTOR.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) After a couple of minor edits. Nice. –<font color="#C33">Victor Squishy Vic.png (<font color="#E33">talk page ) 05:51, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Pre-nom reviewed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 15:50, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice and clean, Soresu.  CC7567  (talk) 21:15, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) *Any chance you can get a better picture for the infobox?
 * 3) **I don't see what's wrong with the current one. Could you explain?
 * 4) ***Can you get one that shows his face better, like with this one?
 * 5) *The second image needs to be cropped to better show the soldier, not the entire scene.
 * 6) **Cropped. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:01, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Sorry to bother you again, but can you capture the same frame with higher resolution? The current one looks to "pixelized". I'm sure that will improve the article.  Mauser  Comlink 11:05, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Do not link to redirects. South Apartments is one example, not sure if there are others.
 * 9) **I was planning on making an article for that, which is why I left a link there.
 * 10) *Intro could be expanded.
 * 11) **Expanded.
 * 12) ***Now you have no context on his battle droids and where they came from in the bio.
 * 13) ****Whoops. Rectified, I believe.
 * 14) *****Please excuse me, I was meaning to say "in the intro". Can you just say that he conducted a raid with 2 Sentinel droids, that should do it.  Mauser  Comlink 11:05, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ******I thought as much. I could swear I fixed that up yesterday. Never mind, done for certain this time. I'll get around to the images soon, once I get the game reinstalled. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:07, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * The second setntence of the bio start a little abruptly. One minute you are talking about Sith Empire, next - about Endar Spire. Needs rewording.
 * 17) **I reads perfectly fine to me. Any suggestions?
 * 18) ***Sorry, I meant the third sentence.
 * 19) ****I tried to link the sentence back to the fleet. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:12, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Revan should probably be refered to as amnestic Sith Lord, not a simple soldier.
 * 21) **I hope that you don't mind, Soresu, but I'll answer this since I was the one who suggested this. For the purpose of this article, referring to Revan as an amnesiac Sith Lord will require way too much context and has no bearing on the actual soldier. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 15:50, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * The blockade of Taris was to prevent escape of Bastila Shan, not Revan and Onasi.
 * 23) **Mentioning Bastile would mean a heap more context, so I changed it to "any survivors" instead, which the Sith were trying to do.
 * 24) * Context for the Upper City.
 * 25) **Done.
 * 26) * "left their room to find the soldier arguing with two Duros residents" - looks like they were deliberately looking for him, reword.
 * 27) **Tweaked. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:53, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * I don't understand why do you use Caderous' databank entry as a reference for the Blockade.
 * 29) **Again, I'll answer. There has been some debate as to when the blockade was put into effect, and the databank entry is the only solid source that states the blockade was put into effect after the destruction of the Endar Spire. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 15:50, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) *Maybe more to come.  Mauser  Comlink

Comments
 * GA #2 for me. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:51, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Not objection-worthy, but is there a reason the Clear template is in there? It doesn't seem to be doing anything.  CC7567  (talk) 21:15, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Removed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:41, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

SSA-1015
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 19:05, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Inspired by and modeled over FourDot's and Eyrezer's droid articles.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 17:16, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) How can you not love Decipher-based articles?  Mauser  Comlink 11:14, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:29, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:28, 22 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 22:32, 21 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 10:31, 25 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 22:42, 21 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:28, 22 June 2009 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) *Didn't Gunray already know that the Jedi were aboard the ship? Because the article makes it sound like he had no idea and they secretly infiltrated the ship.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *"However, when Gunray was informed about the Jedi presence aboard the ship, he ordered to kill them, following the command of the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Sidious with whom he was secretly in alliance." Ordered who to kill them?
 * 5) **Reworded.
 * 6) *Other than that, no problems. Nice job.
 * 7) **Thanks. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Intro: Is "squadmates" an actual phrase? Either way, it would probably be better to just say something along the lines of "the rest of his squad".
 * 3) **Jang addressed this one.
 * 4) * Bio: As I recall, Valorum/the Jedi Council sent the Jedi, not the Senate.
 * 5) **Valorum dispatched Jinn and Kenobi <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **Valorum dispatched Jinn and Kenobi <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***True. Rephrased.
 * 2) * Bio: "However, when Gunray was informed about the Jedi presence aboard the ship, he ordered to kill them, following the command of the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Sidious with whom he was secretly in alliance." This is awkward and grammatically incorrect; please rephrase.
 * 3) **Again, reworded.
 * 4) ***Better, but "When it became known to Gunray that the ambassadors were in fact Jedi", is still awkward, and "and asked what to do with them" is a little colloquial. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:59, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *****Hmm, I hate to be a pain in the neck here, but "treat" seems like it's giving off the wrong connotation. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:19, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ******I reworded it again. If you still have some problems with it, please just change it to something you like, because I'm running out of ideas. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *******Ok, I went ahead and changed it. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:29, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * Bio: "The poisonous dioxis gas soon filled the conference room." This is placed rather randomly, with no explanation. Please work this into the paragraph a little better.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Bio: "SSA-1015 was one of several droids that were dispatched to check if the Jedi had been killed." As I recall, they were supposed to destroy the Jedi's remains, not check if they were killed.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * P&t: "His programming assured him that a Jedi could be subdued, which was ultimately proven wrong." This didn't prove that Jedi couldn't be subdued, just that this droid was unable to defeat them.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:25, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Fett's 2 cents
 * 10) * Intro:"SSA-1015 was a member of the squad that was dispatched to make sure that Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi had been killed by the poisonous dioxis gas that filled the conference room of the ship." Actually, Gunray dispatched SSA-1015 and his squad to destroy what's left of the Jedi&mdash;after Gunray assumed that the dioxis killed them.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "The Senate sent two ambassadors—Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi—to Naboo to negotiate with the Federation.". Chancellor Valorum sent Jinn and Kenobi, not the Senate. Gunray thought they were ambassadors, and not Jedi. TC-14 told Gunray that the ambassadors are Jedi Knights&mdash;which he then contacted Sidious, and the Dark Lord told Gunray to kill them. Thus Gunray ordering to set off the dioxis and dispatching SSA-1015 to destroy what's left of them.
 * 13) **Yeah, I guess it was too long since I watched TPM. Reworded everything.
 * 14) *Overall, good work :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **Thanks. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Mandalore City

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:49, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As IFY said, this belongs in "Category:I FUCKING HATE LUCASARTS!"

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:51, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Further objections hashed out in IRC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:46, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "but nothing else about its history has come to light." That's OOU speculation. Why is it down as Knights of the Old Republic 3 and not III? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:33, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Done with the first thing. Because thats the way it was written in Rouge Leaders to my knowledge. There's no source for it being planned as "III". NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:44, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **"To your knowledge"? You mean you don't actually have the book? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:29, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) According to Microsoft word, this article is currently at 209 words, which is below the 250 minimum per rule 17.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 02:01, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Fixed, its now 264. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:26, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) "...where Rebel Alliance members Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Lando Calrissian, and Chewbacca along with their droids, R2-D2 and C-3PO, searched for their friend, smuggler Han Solo, after he was frozen in carbonite and taken by one of three possible bounty hunters." Sorry to be blunt, but this unnecessary fluff to get the article to 250 words and has no real value to the article itself and should be removed. Please find more relevant information to add, or this will not make it to 250 words.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:06, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *Fixed again. I just added that to ensure that it would get to 250 and admittedly I should have cut it down afterwards. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:47, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **"..in which Rebel Alliance members searched for their friend, former smuggler Han Solo, after he was frozen in carbonite and taken by one of three possible bounty hunters." This part is still unnecessary fluff and is in no way relevant to "Mandalore City". The sentence should end here: "the sixty-eighth issue of the Marvel Comics series Star Wars." I really don't think this should be a GA unless you can find significant information to add without adding fluff, like explaining what non-canon means.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 01:22, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***That's not fluff, that's saying what happened in the comic, to contextify it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:40, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ****But the only context for the comic needed for the article is that Mandalore appeared in it. That's it. Anything more is fluff. And the context for non-canon is really excessive. Once again it must be relevant to the article's topic "Mandalore City".  Grunny  ( Talk ) 14:43, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Toprawa:
 * 12) *With all due respect to the work you've done here, Naru, I think this article is a nice example of how just because an article might meet the word count doesn't necessarily mean it qualifies for a Good article. I feel I need to cite GAN Rule 9: A GA must "have significant information." And this article simply fails that. I don't see a way this article, considering its extremely limited scope of information, could ever satisfy this without just adding fluff. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Its now exactly 250 words, without the fluff, and contains absolutely all released information relevant to the topic and because of that, IMO, it has "significant information." NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:47, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Akial

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 12:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: a Jawa Jedi

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 22:30, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Nice! --Eyrezer 02:23, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jawa Jedi? What's next? An Ewok Jedi? Wait, scratch that ... -- Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:32, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:39, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:47, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 15:25, 22 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 23:51, 22 June 2009 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) * Missing tags in infobox
 * 3) **I always forget these :) I have now added them --Jinzler 21:45, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * His biography section is too subsectioned. Can you merge "Celebration on Dorumaa" with "Jedi Student".
 * 5) **Merged --Jinzler 21:45, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "He passed and became a Jedi Knight." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 7) **Merged --Jinzler 21:45, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "The Kel Dor Jedi Guardian Krin D'bis was chosen to accompany Akial because, due their different specializations within the order, they could represent different approaches to being a Jedi." Run-on, shorten it up.
 * 9) **Shortened --Jinzler 21:45, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Seeing that you used few sources for references, you need a ==Sources== section.
 * 11) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ** No, he doesn't. That's not how the Sources section works. I think you need to take another look at the this page and ensure that you haven't been labouring under false pretenses in your other articles. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 17:40, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Attack of Fett, part 2
 * 3) * P&T:"He could speak Basic without an accent." Merge this with the previous language sentence.
 * 4) **Merged --Jinzler 21:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "The celebration had been organized by the Metatheran Cartel, a trade organization that was jointly run by members of the Caarite and Filordus species, to thank a group of freelance agents for preventing the release of a dangerous virus on the Caarite homeworld." Split this sentence into two sentences.
 * 6) **Done --Jinzler 21:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **Thanks for your review --Jinzler 21:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified Trandoshan bounty hunter

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 17:08, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I was going to put this up last night, but I forgot :P

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Support > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 14:39, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 18:26, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) I sense a disturbance in the article
 * 2) * First of all, I think he should be called Unidentified Trandoshan bounty hunter. It is more specific than male.
 * 3) **I don't mind. Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Intro: He was planning to capture the Senator Shayla Paige-Tarkin and give him over to the CIS in order to collect the large bounty on any Galactic Senate member but was intercepted by Commander Fox, the leader of a group of specially trained clone troopers that performed actions for the Senate called the Coruscant Guard This one is bit run-on and feels like the Coruscant Guard was the name of the Senate and not the group.
 * 5) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:31, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Same sentence. I'm not really fond of using acronyms ("CIS") in the articles. Change it to "the Confederacy" or "the Separatists".
 * 7) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * This Trandoshan bounty hunter, trying to capitalize on the large bounty for members of the Galactic Senate offered by the Confederacy of Independent Systems despite the fact that no one had ever succeeded, traveled to Coruscant, the Republic's capital planet, in an attempt to kidnap Senator Shayla Paige-Tarkin. This one is a run-on too. I suggest you to write a separate sentence about the bounty on the Senate members and start talking about the Trandoshan in the next one.
 * 9) **Reworded. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:31, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Although the first "this" is OK, I think that he should be called "the Trandoshan" after that.
 * 11) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Fox once again told him to surrender and noticed that he had begun looking at the edge of the building so he threatened to shoot the male out of the sky if he tried to use his jetpack again. Awkward. Please reword.
 * 13) **Reworded. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * May find more later... <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) The name in his infobox is incorrect on two counts. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:26, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:22, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 18:37, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Added tag. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Facepalm. How'd I forget that? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:31, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Qulok's Fist

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:05, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I have no idea what a Qulok is.

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Bormus Testing Facility

 * Nominated by: Kilsone Likes PIE 6:40, 24 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Procedure nom and Jon's Gran worker nom.

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 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) *Punctuation missing on lead quote.
 * 3) *Linking in quote captions is missing.
 * 4) *However, when his request was shot down because the fighters need at least another three weeks of testing. Using the word "when" implies a later event. I would be easiest to just connect it onto the next sentence by removing the However in between, which is repetitive anyway.
 * 5) *Could the caption for the image be a little more descriptive?
 * 6) *However, his request was shot down, because the Y-wings required least another three weeks of feild-tesing. However, Skywalker decided to acquire the Y-wings himself. However is repetitive.
 * 7) *However, Broadside and Matchstick argued that since they have a Jedi with them that outranked the guards, they should be allowed past. Meanwhile, the R2-D2 gave the Gran worker falsified documents saying Skywalker can take the Y-wings. However, Not in past tense. Again, however is too excessively used.
 * 8) **Addressed, thank you for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 12:17, 25 June 09 (UTC)

Comments

Attack on the Elders' spaceport

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My third GA nom, continuing JonathanProject:Obi-Wan left the Jedi.

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 * 848 words at the time of nomination. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Donni Bratz

 * Nominated by:  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk  11:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Had started working on this article a few months ago, now it's finished.

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 * Many thanks to Master Jonathan for copy-editing the article. No better quotes available.  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk  11:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

SSA-306
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 14:07, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Look sir, droids!

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SSA-719
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 14:07, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Look sir, more droids!

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Comments > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 14:07, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Great thanks to JMAS for finding him in the film. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Battle of unidentified planet (shielded city)

 * Nominated by:  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:42, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wrote this one a while back, thought I'd give it a GA makeover.

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 * 1) Before anything else, can you please try to check the length of the intro against the rest of the article? Right now, they seem to be about the same size.  CC7567  (talk) 23:46, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Trimmed some of the fat off, as it were, while still trying to fully summarize the article. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:56, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Kilson's back to reviewing (unfortunately for you guys)
 * 4) * I agree with CC, the intro is way to long. The second paragraph really doesn't have anything to do with the battle itself, just what happens after words. You could shorten the intro up to three or four sentances.
 * 5) *You should add Low Altitude Assault Transport/infantry to the inforbox's strength section if they trully did participate in the battle like the article says.
 * 6) **Done. I was mistaken. Removed LAAT/i gunships and re-added HAV-5s. Also made some minor factual corrections about the conclusion of the battle and aftermath. Oh, and to preempt a potential objection, I didn't put the Acclamators and Venators in the infobox because they only show up as they are departing, so they weren't really a strength of the battle. More like they were just there to pick them up. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:44, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *Other than that, looks fine. Nice job. Kilson Likes PIE 00:12, 26 June 09 (UTC)
 * 8) **Am I your first review back? I'm honored. :) -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:44, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * As there is only one appearance, I did no ref tagging on the article. If that's an issue, I'll add them. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:42, 25 June 2009 (UTC)