Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * Inquisitorius FAN Triage
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 7) Per Inquisitorius consensus, nominators are restricted to three nominations on the FAN page at any one time. Once one nomination is removed from the page as either successful or unsuccessful, another can be added.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) Please note that in order for your vote to count, you must have 50 mainspace edits.
 * 4) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 5) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 6) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 7) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Darth Malak

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:05, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope it passes, nomed for FA per suggestion.

(1 Inqs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yup, it's good enough for me.--Kreivi Wolter 08:22, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  LordDeathRay  (My Sith Holocron)  01:25, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) -- Darth Jadious  13:48, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Hopefully everyone else will get whatever I've missed.  CC7567  (talk) 16:21, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * I think it's been a long time coming. --Thenorthernman 15:23, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bout time this thing got moving, methinks
 * 2) * Please clarify in the intro what you mean by "known Republic space." It's not very clear.
 * 3) **I think it's good, try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Please check your linking throughout the intro. It seems that there's underlinking as far as events. Also, it appears that Malak's own flagship requires an article stub; please link and create one.
 * 5) **Malak's flagship is complete, I'll check for more links as the review goes on&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Watch underlinking throughout the article article. A lot of articles weren't linked. Furthermore, throughout the body, please check underlinking both in general and specifically for events.
 * 7) **Same as above.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Since there's an ongoing objection for this below, I'll strike these.  CC7567  (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Please try to reword the third paragraph in "Recruiting for the Revanchists." There's a lack of flow with "His reaction was this," "he did that," and it's rather play-by-play.
 * 10) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Please try to shorten it a bit more. Also, the verb tense in "Alek reminded Carrick that the threat of the Sith was over decades ago" isn't working.  CC7567  (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:55, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * Please shorten the fourth paragraph or rewrite it so that it's more related to Malak.
 * 14) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Still remains. Please shorten it more unless you believe that every single detail currently there is absolutely necessary to the reader's understanding of Malak.  CC7567  (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****I think I shortened it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "When Demagol came to take her, he volunteered himself to be studied in her place and insisted that he had some abilities that Demagol had yet to discover." I'm not sure who the indirect pronouns are referring to. This is also something to check for when you go through the article.
 * 18) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Please cut down on your dash usage. There are many places where commas would suffice.
 * 20) **OK, have to admit, I am a little emdash happy. Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***I'm striking this for now, but I will be checking it in following reviews.  CC7567  (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * I would recommend spacing images better; particularly, the two in the short "Against the Jedi Covenant" don't balance with the previous, lengthy section that contains only one.
 * 23) **Try it now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "When Adasca asked Alek if he should entrust the exogorths to the Jedi, Alek stated that it was not a bad idea, which shocked Jarael. He then told Jarael that the Revanchists saw heartache and chaos in the years to come, stating that as the reason why Revan sent him to the meeting." I have no idea who you refer to when you're saying "he" and "him".
 * 25) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "He then deactivated the weapon, allowing the discussion to continue, and also expressed disbelief that Mandalore would offer Adasca a powerful position in the Mandalorian war effort in exchange for the device controlling the exogorths, as well as Admiral Karath for offering Republic territory for the device." Same as above. Also, the "as well as" does not make sense.
 * 27) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "Alek was shocked that Draay would deny them passage just to get to Carrick, but the arrival of the Moomo Williwaw, the starship of the Ithorian bounty hunters Dob and Del Moomo, intervened." The "intervened" does not make sense, especially since it's used as a verb in relation to "arrival".
 * 29) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ***"Arrival...crashed into the Legacy": this still does not make sense; "arrival" is not a subject that can crash or even move, for that matter.  CC7567  (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****Ok, try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *Overall, please check for awkward wording and choppiness throughout the article.
 * 33) **Will do.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *I'll continue the review starting with "Masks" later.  CC7567  (talk) 01:33, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Going back and scrutinizing before continuing
 * 36) * Please check for underlinking throughout the article, specifically for events. I'm trying to stress its importance by reiterating this objection because it appears to be a major chunk missing from the article, and this article isn't going to pass in its current state. Was the defeat of the Jedi Covenant linked to a specific event? Did Malak's defeat of Revan occur during a specific event as well? I'm quite sure that "Malak and Revan fought each other" and "Darth Bandon, whom Revan and his companions had previously killed" should be linked as well, and all of that's only in the intro. This is a serious lack of information, so please go through the article again and check for this.
 * 37) **I will. I linked Vindication to the Covenant's defeat, the duel between Revan and Malak on board Leviathan is already linked in the previous sentence, under "intercepted". There is no article for the duel between Revan and Bandon.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ***If the duel between Revan and Bandon does not have an article, it should. From what I can see, there isn't a reason not to create the article unless you can enlighten me with one.  CC7567  (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ****I don't know if I could, since it hasn't been canonically established where Revan fought Bandon, and pics really can't be included, since I can't hide Revan's appearance.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:52, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *****Pictures aren't required to make an article. You can simply create a stub for it; as long as it's linked and has an article (not necessarily a complete one), then it should be fine.  CC7567  (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ******OK, then, before I create the article, I want to ask about something. Does Wookieepedia presume that Revan searched for the Star Maps in this order: Tatooine-Kashyyyk-Manaan-Korriban? Because if so, then I can list that Nord was defeated on Tatooine, Bandon was defeated on Manaan, and I could essentially name said duel between Bandon and Revan "Duel on Hrakert Station". Plus, I could add the dialogue options which has Bandon explaining to Revan how he got down to the station, in Bandon's article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *******Article created.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:47, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ********I'm going to wait on this one until this is resolved.  CC7567  (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *********I believe this objection has been take care of, all events are linked.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * Is there a particular reason why throughout the article, "Alek" is being used instead of "Squinquargesimus"? I'm not familiar with KotOR that much, but please state your reasoning as to why his last name isn't being used for formality.
 * 46) **One of the Agricorps told me in the GA process for this article that I could use Alek, I actually was going to bring this up. If you feel it's needed, I'll change it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ***Right now, I'm not asking you to change it, but I'm asking why it's this way&mdash;as in, I'm asking for the reasoning behind this besides the fact that an AC told you that it was okay. Last names are used for formality, and I cannot see why this should be an exception.  CC7567  (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Changed all references to "Squinquargesimus".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ****I'd still like to know why it was "Alek" in the first place, if there was a reason.  CC7567  (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *****I think it was because, Alek was his real name, Squinquargesimus was just an add-on, Alek mentions this in issue 31.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ******Ugh. Since I don't know enough information, I'm going to trust your judgment to make a decision on this; if Alek is his real name, then technically that should be used throughout the article, but it depends on the circumstances of ""Squinquargesimus". It would be good if you could explain yourself a little better and clarify this before making a decision.  CC7567  (talk) 08:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "the two twisted the allegiance of the Revanchists and Republic forces": I can't tell if you mean "Revanchist and Republic forces" or "the Revanchists and the Republic forces", but please reword for clarity.
 * 53) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "Convinced that his former Master had died, Malak usurped his mantle": so suddenly Revan is Malak's former Master when just one sentence ago, he was his Master? The third paragraph of the intro as well has the same problem. Also, I can't tell who you're referring to when you say "his mantle".
 * 55) **Try it now.-Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * "It would not be long until the new Dark Lord of the Sith was proven wrong about his former Master's death." It's grammatically correct, but it's slightly awkward phrasing with the "proven wrong". Perhaps "proven wrong about his beliefs on his former Master's death"?
 * 57) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "and an amnesiac Revan, whose identity as the Dark Lord": the Dark Lord, or a Dark Lord? I'm not entirely familiar about how Revan and Malak ruled, so I'm leaving you to check if this is correct.
 * 59) **It's correct, Revan was the only Dark Lord of the Sith in the Sith Empire, 'til Malak betrayed him, that is.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "After Malak revealed to his former Master that he was indeed the former Dark Lord": it sounds like Malak revealed that he himself was the "former Dark Lord" to Revan. Please reword for clarity.
 * 61) **Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ***Still remains. I'm asking you to reword the "he" in "After Malak revealed to Revan that he was indeed the former Dark Lord".  CC7567  (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) ****Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:56, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "People from Quelii did not have surnames, only names of their home villages; after he escaped Quelli when the Mandalorians devastated the world, the name of his home village was used as his surname on the immigration records." I would suggest rewording this because it appears to be just a simple side fact, and right now the chronology is rather murky and undefined in relation to his life at the village.
 * 65) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * "Alek's desire to learn more": I can't tell if you mean "learn more than Revan" or "learn more than what he already knew", as in "furthering his own knowledge". Please reword for clarity.
 * 67) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "the Jedi Council urged patience and strictly forbade action, feeling that the true threat had not yet emerged": urged patience for who? Strictly forbade action from what? What was this threat that was not the "true threat"? All of this is unspecific, so please clarify. If the source didn't directly state it, try to word around it so that there aren't empty spaces in the sentence like this.
 * 69) **Try it now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) *I'm just going to go ahead here and post all the events that sound like they deserve to be linked so that you don't miss anything. From these, please link what you can and clarify what cannot be linked and why.
 * 71) ** "by participating in a scouting mission along the Outer Rim, just prior to the Mandalorian invasion of the Republic"
 * 72) ***I'll see if I can get some info, don't think there's enough, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ****Invasion's been linked. I really couldn't find any info on the scouting mission, just that they ended up captured on Suurja.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:19, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ** I would particularly check the second paragraph of "Recruiting for the Revanchists" and see if there's anything that has enough info to deserve an event article.
 * 75) ***I really couldn't find anything that needed to be linked in this particular paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:42, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ** "Alek was captured in an ambush before the fourth battle of Suurja by the Mandalorians": unless it took place during the fourth battle, the ambush requires its own article if there's enough info.
 * 77) ***I don't think there's enough info for this. It appeared in a panel in issue 6, and was mentioned in issue 9.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ****There would have to be much less info for this not to deserve an article. Please explain your reasoning.  CC7567  (talk) 03:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) *****Article created: Ambush on Suurja.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ** "fought Cassus Fett at Jaga's Cluster, and defeated much of the Mandalorian army at Althir": I have the NEC right here in front of me and cannot see why these do not have articles.  CC7567  (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ***I'll create them as soon as I can.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:38, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) ****Nevermind, the articles already exist, linked the articles already. They are Battle of Jaga's Cluster and Second Battle of Althir, respectively.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:45, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) ** "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation, he did not survive his next encounter with Revan." Please clarify if there's enough info.  CC7567  (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) ***There is enough info, I've actually got the article ready to upload, just waiting for the results here, then I'll create it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:38, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) ****Please note that I'm still waiting for final clarification from you on any of these that are unstricken.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * "the Jedi were supposed to defend against the Sith": defend what? Please check this.
 * 87) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * "Alek laughed and said that the Mandalorians could have their boots at the Masters' throats, but to get them to notice the Mandalorians, they would have to paint their heads and babble about the dark side." Could you shorten this? It doesn't seem to be anything more than a side joke that doesn't serve a very big purpose.
 * 89) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * "Sometime before Alek and the Revanchists came to Taris": please check your tense throughout this entire paragraph. The paragraph's placement in the article (and its tense as well) suggests that it took place after Alek conferred with Carrick, but its content suggests otherwise, and I have no idea which one is correct. Please clarify.
 * 91) **I think I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * "Demagol wanted to waste no time in testing Jarael due to her unusual Arkanian features": this is rather awkward wording, especially with the use of "wanted" in the sentence, which suggests that there was someone that had authority over Demagol and prevented him from testing Jarael. Please reword it.
 * 93) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * "it was revealed that the Demagol that had emerged was actually Carrick": "the Demagol" in particular is unclear. Please reword this, perhaps to "it was revealed that Carrick was posing as Demagol" or something.
 * 95) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) * "Due to Demagol's mad experiments, doctors informed Alek that his hair would not grow back completely." With Demagol in the sentence, the "his hair" can refer to either him or Alek. Please clarify.
 * 97) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) *I'll have to continue this with "Adasca's plot and return to Taris". I know that I said I was going to continue with "Masks", but I was admittedly skimming in the previous review. I'll pick up the review again soon.  CC7567  (talk) 21:10, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Until I start "Masks": "Carrick, who had left Taris with a Jedi Knight and the Shadow Celeste Morne": "a Jedi Knight"? Who? Please clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 03:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:38, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) * "They met with the two Jedi Knights and their fellow Revanchists, and told them abandon their efforts and disperse permanently, feeling that the Mandalorians were not a threat, and that nothing warranted the Jedi's aid." It's initially unclear who "they" refers to; I would feel better if you clarified it. Also, this sentence is a slight run-on and rather choppy.
 * 102) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * "a Mandalorian mask under his feet": under whose feet? If you mean Malak's, I would recommend saying that "he realized that he was standing on a mask" or "noticed a mask that was under his feet".
 * 104) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * "Revan decided to take up her cause and donned her mask, vowing not to remove it until there was justice, until the Mandalorians were defeated once and for all": what exactly was her cause? Also, the last part of the sentence is choppy, and unless you're trying to go for an extremely "dramatic effect", please reword one of the uses of "until".
 * 106) **Taken care of, for the most part. I don't see anything wrong with trying to be a little dramatic. But if it's an issue, I'll try rewording the "untils".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) ***This is an encyclopedic article, not a fantasy storybook. Please reword it.  CC7567  (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) ****Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:08, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) * "A few months after the events of Vindication, Zayne Carrick, now a free man, was participating in the Tandem Open&mdash;a swoop-dueling event organized on Jervo's World, a large network of swoop-dueling arenas, above the world of Pantolomin." Unless you're going to use this as "Carrick was&hellip;when" or a similar phrase, you're using the wrong tense here. Please fix this, as I'm not sure what you mean.
 * 110) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) * If you can shorten the first paragraph of "Confrontation with Rohlan Dyre" slightly, it would ease the flow; it's slightly rambing right now.
 * 112) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * There's a lot of play-by-play in the second paragraph of the same section. Please vary all the "Malak said this," "Malak said that."
 * 114) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) * "They pulled Malak off Dyre, which calmed him down." Calmed who down?
 * 116) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) * To a certain point, there's also some p-b-p and choppiness in the last paragraph of "Confrontation". Please do some rephrasing.
 * 118) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) ***I can only see that you've removed one phrase and changed the pronouns around; that's not rephrasing in the truest sense. Please do something more if you can.  CC7567  (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) ****Please note that this still hasn't been addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) *****Try it now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:44, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) *As a note: if image captions are not complete sentences, then they theoretically should not have periods, which is why I've removed the ones you've replaced. Also, please do not use the term "unidentified" in an OOU article. I'll continue with "The final battles" soon.  CC7567  (talk) 08:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) **OK.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 124) * Please reword "going on the attack"; it's colloquial and rather unspecific.  CC7567  (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:08, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) * "Malak and Revan changed much from the idealistic men that had first broken away from the Jedi Council": I know that you explain this in the following sentences, but you don't relate this sentence to the others. Please reword and rephrase it so that it flows better.
 * 127) **How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:44, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) * "The battle resulted in catastrophic losses on both sides. In the end, many Jedi were twisted to the dark side, and the once proud Mandalorian clans were crippled, just as Revan had intended." Please find some other way of stating the battle's results and consequences rather than the extremely blatant "The battle resulted in".
 * 129) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:10, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) * "After the final battle of Malachor V": is this supposed to be the "final battle of the war" or the "final battle of Malachor V"? You don't mention any other battles on Malachor V, and therefore this doesn't make sense.
 * 131) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * "After the final battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47, an assassin droid." This has no immediate relevancy to the article, and unless it does, please find some other way of mentioning it in relation to Malak. You don't have to state every single thing when it happens unless it's entirely relevant to Malak.
 * 133) **I think it is relevant, since Malak did want her killed, according to HK in The Sith Lords.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) * "Avoiding detection by the Jedi": I thought at this point, Revan and Malak were Jedi? Please reword for clarity.
 * 135) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) * "Malak warned Revan of the consequences": what consequences?
 * 137) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) ***I still can't tell why you're avoiding this. Was one of the consequences death? A severed connection to the Force? Or was this simply not clarified by any source?  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) ****How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 04:38, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) *****"feeling that if they examined the Star Map, the Jedi would banish both he and Revan''": please clarify what "Jedi" you're referring to, since Revan and Malak still appear to be Jedi.  CC7567  (talk) 20:07, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 141) ******OK, put in "Jedi Order". Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:23, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 142) * "Malak followed his Master in his wake": this comes out of nowhere with no clarification or explanation as to how it happened.
 * 143) **I'll take care fo this one soon, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:23, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 144) ***Reworded.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:22, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 145) * "Though the order in which they did so is unknown": if this is an IU article, this is a huge no-no. Do not state what is unknown unless it's to something in-universe, not to the reader. Please find a way to word around this.
 * 146) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 147) * "Malak and Revan had both visited Korriban at least once when they were known as Jedi": this "known to" phrase is unspecific since it's not defined who it was "known to". Basically, the entire last paragraph of "In search of the Star Forge" is talking from an OOU perspective. Please find a way to reword it.
 * 148) **Try it now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 149) * "and of the disruptor field that had caused their ship to crash": whose ship?
 * 150) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) * "After having gained their trust, the Elders gave Revan and Malak access to the temple." It would be Revan and Malak that had to "gain [the Elders'] trust", not the other way around. Please reword this.
 * 152) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) * Please clarify what you mean by "known space".
 * 154) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 155) * "During Malak's time as Revan's apprentice, he asked HK-47 what he thought of him. The droid informed Malak of his "meatbag status," and Revan found the term amusing, programming HK-47 to call all organics such." I cannot see why this is in Malak's article aside from simple humor, which does not constitute its inclusion. Unless you have a better reason for this and can clarify how it's directly related to Malak, please remove it.
 * 156) **Removed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 157) * "At some in 3,958 BBY": please check this.
 * 158) **It's correct.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 159) * Please clarify when Malak (and Revan, possibly as well) takes the title of "Darth". The change should be clear and should not have to be clarified.
 * 160) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 161) * "Darth Malak assumed command of the Sith Empire": what Sith Empire? Please link it. Also, you should have mentioned that Revan and Malak built an Empire earlier in the article. I can't see why it's mentioned this late when Revan and Malak have already declared war on the Republic and Jedi.
 * 162) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 163) * "After Revan was retrained in the Jedi ways, the Enclave ordered them to search for the Star Forge." I can't tell if this is where Revan's Jedi training is supposed to be, but the subject/plural agreement here isn't working.
 * 164) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 165) * "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation" as what?
 * 166) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 167) * "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation, he did not survive his next encounter with Revan." So he encountered Revan twice? The first isn't specified.
 * 168) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 169) * "Sometime before Revan and his crew found the fourth Star Map, Malak and his Sith forces attacked Dantooine." Please move this so that the article has better and proper chronology.
 * 170) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 171) *Overall, please check the rest of the article for clarity; the article should be clear enough to the point that I shouldn't have to ask you to clarify anything. I'll continue with "Revelation on the Leviathan" later.  CC7567  (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 172) **Please note that there are still a few objections currently remaining. I'll pick up the review soon, but after I go through the article completely, I'm going to be running through this again with you to flesh out all the other discrepancies that I might have missed. My recommendation is still the same&mdash;that you check the rest of the article for clarity before I review it.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 173) Recurring clone attack
 * 174) *Again, I'm going to reiterate that there are still objections remaining above. I'm not sure if you just haven't had the time or if you haven't noticed them, but please try to fix them soon.
 * 175) **No, I haven't had that much time on my hands. My laptop's been KO'd by tech issues, so I'm using the library's computer's once more.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 176) * Basically the entire first two paragraphs are not directly related to Malak, and there's too much detail in them. Please see if you can shorten them; it's reading like an article of the battle rather than on Malak.
 * 177) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 178) ***Still remains, and I do not see much "shortening". Please clarify just why this much Malak-unrelated detail is needed.  CC7567  (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 179) ****I shortened it some, please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:50, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 180) * "Sometime after Karath left, the Ebon Hawk crew member that Revan chose to break him and the rest of the crew out of the Sith's detention level managed to free them all." The crew member needs an article, and this whole sentence is unclear. How did Revan choose a crew member to help them, and why would a crew member help them?
 * 181) **I'll take care of the sentence, but I believe that there was on the article for this character, but it was ultimately deleted. The article was called "Leviathan prison break agent". I couldn't locate a log on why it was deleted, somebody here probably knows where it is. I'll see if I can find it, I personally don't see why it can't be recreated, per the Dxun Force Adept.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 182) ***Article created: Leviathan prison break agent.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:44, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 183) ****Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 184) * "She confirmed the fact, saying she was part of the Jedi strike team sent to capture him." Please check your tense. It sounds like Revan was being captured right then and there.
 * 185) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 186) ***Just a note: "confirm to " is rather bad and improper English.  CC7567  (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 187) * Please rephrase "end his former Master"; it's not very clear.
 * 188) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 189) * "Malak had always regretted betraying his Master from afar, but had now been given a second chance to prove himself." Please somehow rephrase this so that it's more related to the current state of events. I see no reason why it's in here except to serve as unnecessary trivia, since you're not linking it to the events or clarifying how it's relevant.
 * 190) **Good point. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 191) * The first paragraph in "Training Bastila Shan" is extremely redundant in wording, and overall, the phrasing is very boring. Please do something about this.
 * 192) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 193) ***"The true reason Malak chose Shan to be his apprentice was the advantage the Sith Empire could gain from her battle meditation." Please somehow link this into the rest of the text. Blatant statements like this often sound like unnecessary trivia.  CC7567  (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 194) ****You can take a look at it, I think I need to remove it outright, but if it's OK I'll leave it be.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:27, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 195) * "at three hundred percent of what the Sith army projected": projected? Please clarify; I don't understand what you mean.
 * 196) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 197) * "When the Jedi penetrated their defenses": "they" who?
 * 198) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 199) * Do we know who this Dark Jedi is? Can he/she get an article?
 * 200) **I don't see why he should get an article; he only appeared twice, and both times on the Star Forge with Malak.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 201) ***...I don't understand your reasoning. If he's confirmed to be the same character that appears twice, I see no reason that he should not get an article.  CC7567  (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 202) ****Done.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:27, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 203) * I don't think you've ever clarified how or even if the Star Forge can make battle droids. Please do so.
 * 204) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 205) ***Please do so earlier at the earliest place possible and relevant. I can't see any reason to do so all the way down there when you already mention the Star Forge battle droids before but never clarify it.  CC7567  (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 206) ****Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:27, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 207) * "Malak was at first surprised that any Jedi could stand against an army of Star Forge droids": the "any" does not seem to be the right word here, as it leaves the plural in speculation. Please try to rephrase this.
 * 208) **Took care of the "any".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 209) * There are way too many "then"s and other words that are providing an extremely unnecessary sense of chronology. I've removed some, but please regulate your use of them.
 * 210) **Alright, will try.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 211) * "Revan managed to stop the droids from attacking": from attacking what?
 * 212) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 213) * "Malak surmised that Revan would be a far greater asset to him than even Shan and her battle meditation. He then theorized that perhaps Revan was too powerful to be his apprentice, and that when and if Revan became stronger than him, Revan would betray him, as he himself had betrayed Revan. The former Dark Lord said that he would never turn to the dark side again, which Malak said were foolish words." This is very close to&mdash;if not already&mdash;rambling and vested with pbp. Please shorten these details.
 * 214) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 215) ***I see no change to this paragraph except a modification to a reference note.  CC7567  (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 216) ****How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:48, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 217) * The same issue with the entire last paragraph of "Final confrontation and death," with the addition of more redundant wording. Kasra, I've read other sections of your article that have been much better than this, and I know you can do better.
 * 218) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:13, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 219) ***I'm striking this for now, but the unspecific pronouns and lack of clarity mentioned in the objection below still prevent this one from being properly satisfied. Please take care of this as soon as possible.  CC7567  (talk) 07:27, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 220) * Throughout this entire section, I never have any idea of who you're trying to refer to with "he", with a few exceptions. Please reword for clarity.
 * 221) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 222) * What "previous duels"? Has that ever been clarified?
 * 223) **Yes, there was the one in which Revan sliced off Malak's jaw, (no info on it other than that) and the one on Leviathan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 224) * "Although Malak was gone, Revan's final duel with him would not be the last anyone ever saw of him." I don't know who you mean by "him".
 * 225) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 226) * "Shortly thereafter, the Jedi Exile left the known galaxy in search of Revan to help him combat the "True Sith", after she defeated Darth Traya and her Sith Triumvirate." Your wording in terms of chronology is unclear here. Also, is this even necessary or relevant to Malak's article?
 * 227) **You know, you're right. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 228) * "in case Malak failed to conquer the galaxy": please clarify why this is in there. It's not making sense, and I can't see why you're linking this to "Revan's original goals".
 * 229) **Removed, not relevant.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 230) * Please check "obvious compared."
 * 231) **Ditto.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 232) * "it showed its heart": what showed his heart?
 * 233) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 234) * The fourth paragraph of "Legacy" isn't very coherent and can be worded slightly better.
 * 235) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 236) *Looking back at all of the objections I just made, I'm noticing that I'm still having to ask you to reword a lot for clarity. If I get the chance, I may finish this review tomorrow, but I don't want to have to object to the same things. If that's the case, then I'm going to hold off until you can check the rest of the article. When you get the chance, I strongly urge you to read through the P&T, P&A, and Bts to make sure that I won't have to ask you to clarify anything else.  CC7567  (talk) 08:01, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 237) **Alright, I think I might have killed these issues. I'm not entirely sure, though, please take a look.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 238) ***Some of the above still remain, and many also remain from past reviews. Please double-check them.  CC7567  (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 239) ****I'll make sure I do.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:25, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 240) * Please double-check your tense in the second paragraph of "Final confrontation and death". The current wording suggests that Malak's draining of the Jedi's life forces took place concurrently with the duel, which is unsupported by the current context of the article. Even if the tense is correct, please take note that it's unclear and take action accordingly.  CC7567  (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 241) **I think it's taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:25, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 242) ***I still can't tell which tense or timeframe is supposed to be correct, because the context still suggests that it should be worded as "had been", as in he "had been draining their Force energy". Please clarify here so that I can help you word it better.  CC7567  (talk) 20:37, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 243) ****OK, I appreciate the help. See, Malak had been allowing the Star Forge to corrupt the Jedi's energy. After explaining this to Revan, he immediately, then and there, drained the one Jedi's energy.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:29, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 244) *****If Malak had already captured the Jedi and had been draining their energy, the tense should reflect that. Also, that Jedi whose energy Malak drained should get an article.  CC7567  (talk) 06:50, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 245) ******Malak captured the Jedi, but as far as I know, did not use any of their reserve evergy until his and Revan's duel. No canonical proof that he used them anytime before this. How would I title such an article? Would this work? Unidentified Jedi (Star Forge's observation deck)--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:19, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 246) *******Article created: Unidentified captive Jedi.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:35, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 247) ********The article was deleted by Chack Jadson, so it must not be relevant.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:38, September 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 248) * Please structure your P&T better. For starters, the note about his humor is smack right in the middle of a paragraph dedicated to his anti-Council beliefs, and it simply does not fit. Please check for this throughout the section.
 * 249) **I couldn't find an appropriate paragraph to stick this with, so I removed it. Please take a look at the section.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 250) * "Malak knew that he would face this dilemma, the horrors of the war were not a mystery to Malak." You're improperly linking two independent clauses here, and I have no idea what you mean, what you're trying to say, or how you're trying to relate them.
 * 251) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 252) *For future reference, it's very bad form to involve the reader in the article by including "you" or "your" in an encyclopedic article; it's both unnecessary and unspecific, since it's never clear who the "you" is talking to. I highly recommend ceasing your usage of it.
 * 253) **Noted.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 254) * I would consider merging "Training Bastila" with another section. As it stands, one skimpy paragraph does not warrant its own section if you're trying to be consistent in size. However, please note that this one is a suggestion, not an objection.
 * 255) **I'll take that suggestion. I merged it with the "Revelation on the Leviathan" section, please see what you think.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 256) * There are too many "capable"s in the P&A. Please find alternatives rather than using the same wording over and over.
 * 257) **There's only two in the P&A section, should I omit one of them?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 258) ***My mistake; it's "could," not "capable," that's being overused.  CC7567  (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 259) ****Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:27, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 260) *****If I previously object to a phrase and ask you to remove it, that usually means that it should not be used again. Please see my objection to the "known to" wording above.  CC7567  (talk) 22:34, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 261) *For now, that's all I have. I will be going through the entire article again with you shortly to make sure that nothing is missed.  CC7567  (talk) 06:50, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 262) **Thanks for this first review, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 263) ***Before I start my second review, I'd like to again reiterate that any unstricken objections have either not been addressed or have not received clarification if you've addressed them.  CC7567  (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC) -->
 * 264) Attack II
 * 265) * If you're going to include the "as Darth Malak" for his affiliation to the Sith, you're going to have to be consistent and do the same for the other affiliations.
 * 266) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 267) * Can anything about his regrets before death be included in the intro?
 * 268) **I don't see how. Plus, it really isn't relevant to the intro, in my opinion.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 269) * Is the "honorary Master" currently at its earliest possible/relevant mention?
 * 270) **Yes.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 271) * Reading this over and over, I cannot see why the Jedi Covenant's vision even belongs where it is now. In the current tense, it excessively implies that it was directly related to Malak. It should be mentioned where it first becomes relevant, and it is not relevant in its current location.
 * 272) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 273) * The current level of detail for the vision is also inappropriate. You're going to have to provide a very good argument as to why, particularly, the red enviro-suits and Rogue Moon should be in there. All that needs to be said is that they misinterpreted a prophecy of their own deaths and believed that their Padawans were responsible for it.
 * 274) **Agreed, taken out.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 275) * "regarding Adasca's meeting from Vamm": please check this; the "meeting from Vamm" isn't proper English.
 * 276) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 277) * I'm getting tired of reading all your usages of "who was" throughout "Adasca's plot and return to Taris". Please check if all the facts that you link them to are entirely necessary and do some rewording.
 * 278) **What do you mean? There's only one "who was" in this entire section.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 279) ***OK, only three "whos total.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:49, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 280) *Will resume soon with "Against the Jedi Covenant".  CC7567  (talk) 21:25, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 281) * "Despite Squinquargesimus' assurances of clearing Carrick's name": this is improper English. As you're the one who knows what you're trying to say, please be clearer.
 * 282) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 283) * "and that nothing warranted the Jedi's aid in the Mandalorian Wars": aid to whom? It sounds like you're trying to say "involvement" here.
 * 284) **I am, so it's in and "aid" is out.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 285) * "The four men who expressed interest in Jarael in reality": please check this; I cannot tell where the "in reality" is supposed to go, but its current placement is improper.
 * 286) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 287) * "told her that the reason for that": reason for what?
 * 288) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 289) * "As the war progressed, Malak and Revan changed from the idealistic men that had first rebelled against the Jedi Council." If you're going to use this phrasing, you're going to have to clarify what they changed to.
 * 290) **I'll take care of this soon, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 291) ***Taken care of, I believe. Did some rearranging.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:23, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 292) * "Developing a cold, calculating disposition that was uncharacteristic of Jedi, "moral shortcuts" became common practice under Revan and Malak's leadership, as did a number of other unsavory acts." This sounds like the "moral shortcuts" developed the cold, calculating disposition.
 * 293) **I rearranged this a bit, please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 294) * "If a world had no strategic significance, then it had no significance, regardless of the cost in sentient life." The "cost in sentient life" is phrased awkwardly, and its inclusion in the sentence isn't verified. If a world didn't have any significance, then what did Revan and Malak do to it? Please clarify directly.
 * 295) **After merging two of the paragraphs, this sentence seemed contradictory to the tone of the paragraph. Please take a look at it and advise.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 296) * "Revan intended to unleash": I can't remember if I've already discussed this with you, but you don't clarify if he actually did or not. Please do so.
 * 297) **No, he didn't actually activate it, the Jedi Exile did. I believe the necessary info is in this section's final paragraph. I also did some rearranging of the third paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 298) *Will continue with "In search of the Star Forge".  CC7567  (talk) 07:23, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 299) * Can you clarify the placement of the Star Forge search? The content leading up to it suggests that it took place after the war, but the verb tense and content of the section itself says otherwise.
 * 300) **Not sure if it's completely fixed, but you can try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:31, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 301) ***If you're not completely confident that you've fixed it, chances are that you haven't. If the search for the first star map took place during the Mandalorian Wars, then the article needs to reflect that.  CC7567  (talk) 02:10, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 302) ****Cut out the "In search of the Star Forge" section, and moved image and info to "The final battles". Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:25, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 303) *****Your clarification of the necessity to find the Star Maps to locate the Forge needs to come at the earliest place of relevancy, as I've been asking you to do throughout this whole review. It isn't initially clear why Revan and Malak went to look for them.  CC7567  (talk) 02:53, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 304) ******Got it. Did some rearranging; I put this sentence in the third paragraph of "The final battles": The Star Map was necessary to uncover the secret location of the Star Forge, a relic of the Rakatan Infinite Empire that had ruled the galaxy approximately 20,000 standard years before. I believe this is the earliest place, especially if you take into count Malak's dialogue from the first game.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 305) * "capturing the majority of the Republic fleet": it sounded like the indirect articles were switched around, since the first "the" used to be an "a," which is improper English. I changed the first one, but please check the second one to make sure it's correct.
 * 306) **Yes, it is correct. Put "the Republic's fleet" rather than "the Republic fleet".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:31, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 307) *That's all I have the time and energy for right now. Will continue with "Dark Lord of the Sith."  CC7567  (talk) 05:08, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 308) * "Committed to uniting the galaxy beneath his authority, Revan was determined to locate the Star Forge." This really doesn't make sense. Why did they want to locate the Star Forge? To use on some squabbling species that was a threat to the galaxy? To do whatever they pleased?  CC7567  (talk) 03:08, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
 * 309) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:16, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
 * 310) * "Unbeknownst to Malak, Shan saved Revan's life and brought him to the Jedi Council, where his mind was reprogrammed with the identity of a Republic soldier." The "where" does not match up here; please fix this.
 * 311) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 312) * "as he failed to capture Shan and was killed by Revan after he found a fourth Star Map": "he" who? (If it's Revan, please find some other pronoun to use instead of repeating the name excessively.)
 * 313) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 314) *** Was he trying to find the Star Maps to track down the Star Forge, as he had done before? It's implied, but I don't believe that you clarify this directly.  CC7567  (talk) 21:04, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 315) ****Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:20, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 316) * "The Sith Lord plundered through the ruins": ruins of what?
 * 317) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 318) * "Malak was at first surprised that a Jedi could stand against an army of Star Forge droids": I still can't make sense of what you're trying to say with this "a Jedi." You previously specify no other Jedi in this section, and it simply does not flow well. Please clarify this.
 * 319) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 320) * "Though Malak knew that his Sith troops would not kill Revan": why? Out of inability, lesser powers, or unwillingness to do so?
 * 321) **I believe this is taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 322) * "Revan's tactics in galactic conquest included relying on the Star Forge only to a certain extent, sparing worlds with military and economic significance from the brutality of conquest, killing off political and military figures who were destabilizing the galaxy, and converting many to his cause rather than simply annihilating them outright." Please clarify how this excessive detail is necessary when you simply say "In contrast to his Sith Master Revan" a second later.
 * 323) **Taking another look at it, these details aren't relevant. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 324) * "Because of Squinquargesimus' belief of the Jedi Order's passiveness, he joined Revan's campaign against the Mandalorians, believing that the Jedi Council would not be able to solve the conflict." Please somehow vary "belief".
 * 325) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 326) * I've had to change a ton of "Revan" and "Malak"s to other pronouns to nix the heavy redundancy, but there are still a hefty amount of repetition in the article. Please go through the article and correct this. Other than that, that's it.  CC7567  (talk) 08:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 327) **I think it's good now. I appreciate you going over the article, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 328) As pointed out on the discussion page, Malak was not born Squinquargesimus. It is simply the surname registered in the Republic. The sources you cite - Jedi vs. Sith: Essential Guide to the Force and the KotOR Handbook - were both published in november 2007, but KotOR issue 31, which revises his original name to simply Alek from the village Squinquargesimus, takes precedence as later canon published in july 2008. Therefore saying that he was born Alek Squinquargesimus is factually incorrect. Jediphile 17:51, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 329) *Alright, I changed the intro to reflect that he was born Alek, however, it also states how he got the name Squinquargesimus attached as a surname. We can't ignore that fact. As for the article itself, it already states that he was born Alek, and also notes the immigration record's giving him the surname.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:38, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 330) **I would like to point out to the Inqs that this objection has been taken care for over three weeks. The user has also voluntarily left Wookieepedia.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:26, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 331) Well, I did promise a review
 * 332) * I'd like to see some mention of him jumping from his speeder to rescue Carrick; not everyone would do that.
 * 333) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:25, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 334) * You need to get in stuff about Rohlan and Demagol's switcharoo in the bit before "The Adasca affair", it has relevance to the later parts on Coruscant.
 * 335) **Please try it. Also, could you take a look at the sections, like the P&T, the Adasca affair, the Confrontation on Wor Tandell, and Trial of Demagol sections?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:25, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 336) * Shortly after that, you say he was told that his hair would not grow back but you have not mentioned that he lost it before.
 * 337) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:25, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 338) * "...final party to the negotiations announced his arrival via transmission. As Mandalore the Ultimate, the leader of the Mandalorians..." Can you reword these two sentences so that the final party is explicitly said to be Mandalore?
 * 339) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:25, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 340) * HK's tale about Malak being the origin of "meatbag" should be worked into the paragraph that mentions HK's construction.
 * 341) **CC said it wasn't really relevant to Malak.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:25, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 342) ***Hmm, well I personally think opposite; it drove Malak to "extreme lengths of frustration", something that would go well in the P&T.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  20:31, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 343) ****OK, I added it. It's the 5th paragraph of the P&T.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:12, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 344) * Quite a bit further down, are the Star Forge droids the same as the one in the Dantooine Star Map ruins? (I really don't remember) If they aren't, they will need an article. I suspect they are though, but I'm not sure.
 * 345) **I just linked the article for battle droids in the "Battle of Rakata Prime" section. The droids that Malak unleashes against Revan before Revan heads to the observation deck are the same as the guardian droid that Revan and Malak encountered on Dantooine.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:25, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 346) *That's all I can find for now. I won't support just yet; I'll wait until the Demon arc and TOR Timelines 7 & 8 are released and you have updated the article because I might find some more. Otherwise, this is excellent stuff.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  16:54, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 347) **Thanks for this first review, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:25, January 15, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Please make sure that the placement of the images match what the article is talking about. I don't have the means to check this myself right now, but I would suggest that you do this.  CC7567  (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Information on Malak from the upcoming Demon arc will be added when it comes out.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:14, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll be busy for the next few days, but I'll take care of your objections, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:58, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * By the way, according to the CSWE's entry on the Leviathan, Malak took command of the ship when Karath brough the ship to the Sith, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Kasra, just so you know: it's not that I've forgotten about Malak, I just haven't had a lot of time on my hands lately. I'll try and finish him up this weekend if possible.  CC7567  (talk) 15:48, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * That's no problem, CC, I myself have been busy. Have to use the library's computers since my computer is on the fritz.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:09, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * Hey CC, I'll get to the remaining objections as soon as I can, kinda busy.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:16, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * A note on the "one-time" and "towards" that I have now reverted back: the former was improper usage of the "ndash"&mdash;it's already an idiom used in English and does not deserve a different dash, and the latter was slang.  CC7567  (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * Another note, this one on the P&T paragraph that I split back again: it's often best not to have huge walls of text in the middle of articles, especially if it's a deviation from the article's standard paragraph size.  CC7567  (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * CC, I would greatly appreciate it if you would review the information on Malak I will have to add in the coming months, from the Demon story arc.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:20, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll try my best, but I can't promise anything. It's best if you leave comments here so that I know when future issues are released, since I won't be keeping Malak in my watchlist anymore (as I only keep FANs watched during my reviews).  CC7567  (talk) 16:21, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * I will edit the article with info from the latest issue tomorrow.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:40, November 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * Malak, of course, is Part 1 of "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". Bandon was Part 2.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:20, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Ben Skywalker

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 19:42, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes! We are victorious! Huzzzzaaahhhh!

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) My favorite character. Great job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Not the biggest fan of that profile image, but the prose is excellent and the article itself is of high caliber.  The Flash  {talk} 00:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "As both of his parents were Jedi spend time with him as they fought in the war..." Is this supposed to be "they were unable to spend time..."  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:22, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Wow. My bad. Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:27, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Why is the Jedi Council meddling with FAN?!?
 * 5) * Intro: "Solo had just returned to the New Jedi Order after a five-year journey to learn more about the Force, was able to help Skywalker open himself up to the Force gradually, although Skywalker was still apprehensive about it for a while, and it would take him years to become fully adjusted to the Force." A bit of a run-on; please break it up.
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * Intro: Three consecutive paragraphs begin "In XX ABY,"; can you change a couple of them?
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * Intro: "Eventually Caedus was killed in the Battle of Shedu Maad,": The actual duel in which he was killed has its own article, so is there a reason you linked to and named the battle instead?
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * Intro: In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, you should link to Luke's actual court case, though I'm not sure where to place it.
 * 12) **Addressed.
 * 13) * 1.1 Pre-birth: "The Skywalkers were on the Coruscant beach": Context on the beach, please. A lot of people would be a bit shocked to find out that Coruscant has a beach somewhere in all of that durasteel; I know I was when I first read about it in Rebirth.
 * 14) * 1.3.1 Dark Nest Crisis > A new threat: "As Rar and Gorog sped away from Ossus in a stolen skiff, Ben received a final message from the Killik, who said that she wanted Ben to be happy. When he told Luke of Gorog's message," Until now, you've called her "the Gorog". Now you suddenly switch to simply calling her Gorog, as if that is her actual name like Luke, Ben, Leia, etc. Is there a reason for this?
 * 15) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:42, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *I'll continue with "Second Galactic Civil War" in a day or two. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:31, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) From the Council Chambers: (part 2)
 * 18) * 1.4.2 Second Galactic Civil War > Operation Roundabout: In the second paragraph, it might be a good idea to mention Ben's repeated failures in the simulation and Jacen's resulting doubt as to whether Ben should go on the mission (that is, if I remember the events of Betrayal correctly). This would also help bring that paragraph in line with the surrounding paragraphs as far as size, though that itself is not a major issue.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * 1.4.2: In the fourth paragraph, you start three out of four consecutive sentences with "However"; can you change a couple?
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * 1.4.6 Civil unrest: "Skywalker was at Solo's apartment at the time and was unharmed.": Is there a reason for having this sentence? It seems unnecessary to me.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * 1.4.7 The Galactic Alliance Guard: "Shevu eventually entered the interrogation chamber with Girdun as Skywalker looked on and tried to heal Habuur, but to no avail": Unclear as to whether Shevu or Skywalker was the one who tried to heal Habuur.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * 1.4.7: "It pointed to a nearby apartment building, which Skywalker and the GAG squad forcibly entered. They met resistance, forcing Skywalker to kill the two men inside." "Forcibly" and "forcing" are a bit repetitive since they have the same root word.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * 1.4.10 Ziost: "Skywalker checked all of the objects on his belt for a tracking device and found it inside his belt pouch. Skywalker checked the skies for the TIE fighter and saw it speeding toward them." Two straight sentences start with the same two words; can you change one?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * 1.4.12 Loss of a parent: "He went to the GAG compound and took a speeder, following Lumiya and the Sith ship. He followed it into Hapan space," A "speeder" is purely an atmospheric vehicle, so how did he travel through space?
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * 1.4.13 Change of heart: "He defeated the CSF security detail guarding Omas and afterward had a brief engagement with a security droid but ended up staring down the barrel of Omas' blaster pistol, although Skywalker swiftly disarmed him." A bit of a run-on; please break it into two sentences.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * 1.4.17 Final victory: The quote contains an error: "you're no better suited to be Sith apprentice" should be "you're no better suited to be a Sith apprentice". If this error is also in Invincible (which I don't have to check), then it deserves a [sic], otherwise it needs corrected.
 * 35) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:42, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *I'll complete the review, beginning with "Travels with his father", by the end of the week. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:40, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) From the Council Chambers: (round 3)
 * 38) * 1.5 Travels with his father: Mention should be made at the beginning of this section or and the end of the previous section of Ben's promotion to Knight.
 * 39) * 1.5.1 Travels > The Baran Do: You have exactly one subheading under this heading&mdash;"The Hidden Ones". One thing I was taught in high school English class is that a point in an outline should never have only a single sub-point. While it doesn't technically apply directly to subheadings in an article, the MediaWiki software automatically converts the headings into the TOC, which is basically an outline. This is clearly nitpicking a little, but I'd like to see either the single sub-heading removed or see a second sub-heading added immediately below "The Baran Do", whichever you feel would be better.
 * 40) * 1.5.1: "Ziil stated that he would tell those on the surface that his earlier message about the Skywalkers' deaths was a mistake, and he promised to free his servants and appoint a board of advisers, and in a couple of years they would reassess the situation.": "And" is repetitive here.
 * 41) * 1.5.2 The Aing-Tii: "Tadar'Ro took them to a house created for Jorj Car'das, a former smuggler who had once stayed with the Aing-Tii, where they were to stay while learning with the Aing-Tii.": "Stay" is repetitive here.
 * 42) * BTS: I'd like to see the BTS expanded a bit. Though individual appearances are probably too numerous to list in full, you should at least mention the series that he appeared in (NJO, Dark Nest, LOTF and FOTJ) and what kind of role he played in each (i.e. minor/major).
 * 43) *Last note, though not a objection: Some newbie added something to the BTS about Timothy Zahn the other day. The source provided gives the information about two-thirds of the way down. It's your call on what you want to do with it. Great job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:43, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) The Flash
 * 45) * Refs 30, 31, and 32 are bare URLs - please fix them
 * 46) **Why would that be a problem.
 * 47) ***Look kind of out of place, sort of jumbled. Just a suggestion.  The Flash  {talk} 02:45, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ****I apologize, but I'm hopeless with sourcing. I don't know how to pretty them up. :P  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:57, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *****I've fixed them for you, Floyd. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 08:55, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *******Great :D  The Flash  {talk} 00:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * BTS - needs more refs, just general ones to the books they mention
 * 52) **Those are really self-referencing, and don't require ref tags.
 * 53) ***Alright.  The Flash  {talk} 02:45, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Also in BTS, is The Lost Lightsaber confirmed to be non-canon? Tales are generally ambig for those set of issues and would better put in the actual history with an ambig tag.
 * 55) **Tales 1-20 is generally used as non-canon.
 * 56) * I agree with Darth Trayus's comment below - it might be best to put a more time-fitting image of Luke in the "Duel" section.
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) *This article is in really good shape, actually, and I'd be very happy with it if those points were met - nice work.  The Flash  {talk} 23:48, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) Blacklist:
 * 60) * I'm only through the intro, at which point I will be stopping for now, and I've already encountered a profuse amount of under-linking. I've taken care of what I've read thus far, but you will need to comb through the article in its entirety and make sure that everything that needs to be linked is linked, and only once.
 * 61) **Addressed, I hope.
 * 62) *You also make no mention of his homeworld being Coruscant in the intro despite it being shown in the infobox. Please work this in somewhere.
 * 63) **Addressed.
 * 64) * The intro's also going to need an Abyss update.
 * 65) **Addressed.
 * 66) * So is the article, and when you're done with that, a   tag is going to be necessary.
 * 67) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:22, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * I'm oh-so-positive that more will follow these&hellip; —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 00:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) **Not here. Ludo instead. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 23:47, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) Harrar
 * 71) *Your Pre-birth section has some issues, Floyd. You need to re-read Edge of Victory II: Rebirth, specifically pages 195-197 (Ch. 29) and pages 270-273 (Ch. 43), the latter of which deal with Luke's attempt to attack the disease with the dark side and then his series of visions. There's also a bit more info in the Epilogue, pages 290 onwards, which has some relevance in that the Skywalkers are allowed to return to Coruscant. I think all these sections have pertinence (the idea that Cilghal could induce labour but it would probably have killed both of them is interesting (page 195ish)) and that a reasonable chunk of info is missing. If for any reason you can't access the book, I can add the stuff.
 * 72) **Added.
 * 73) ***I'm concerned that what you've added is basically verbatim from the brief summary I gave on IRC of the info that was missing. I'm further concerned by the fact that you added the info into the chronology incorrectly before I alerted you to that fact. This kind of work is very similar to the problems that riddled Mirta Gev, and really does suggest that either you don't have the books to hand and are working off memory and other articles, or that you possess them and are not re-reading them. You've taken out the info on the visions Luke has while he attacks the disease completely, which seems self-defeating as it was in there in the first place. This info isn't that important, I'll admit, but raises questions about the rest of the article. Either re-read the EOV2 pages I have presented you with and do a decent job of incorporating the information, or accept that things aren't quite right here and allow someone else to step in and resolve the issue.
 * 74) ****If you want to handle the issue yourself like you offered before, fine. I thought the objections were fixed, as I tried to implement the info myself that you gave and I did in fact reread the pages.
 * 75) *****If this objection holds up the article then I'll strike and sort it out; I don't think that this will pass before December 12th though, which is when I'm back home and I will be able to help out then. I don't mean to be difficult Floyd, it's just things aren't perfect here and without my books I can't be of much help.
 * 76) *There's no info about the Nanny droid in the Coruscant section; I'd like to see some weight added to the Byrt section as well, in that C-3PO is hiding with Ben and his crying is alerting Shesh, whereupon he puts Ben in the locker and then mimics him. The section could also do with re-arrangement so it's not weighted so heavily toward Shesh's viewpoint.
 * 77) **Addressed.
 * 78) ***Not really. The only relevant stuff is that C-3PO is whisked onto the Byrt, he flees to the escape pod launch bay, the ship is boarded, Shesh and the Yuuzhan Vong arrive, Ben wails too loudly, C-3PO hides him, goes into the escape pod, and mimics Ben's cries until Shesh falls for the trick. The Calrissian arrives. At the moment, this article could easily have been used as the source; that's not just me flattering myself either. I recommend re-reading the relevant sections of sbs. With regards to the Nanny droid, you haven't mentioned how it is destroyed during the Solos' attempts to flee the planet, and merely removed the link to the later incarnation at the time of the Dark Nest Crisis, which is just plain lazy.
 * 79) ****Kidnapping timeline fixed, and nanny droid info to come.
 * 80) *****Okay, kidnapping stuff is good.
 * 81) * "After the fall of Coruscant, the infant Skywalker was kept for several days in a Jedi stronghold called Eclipse Station, hidden on the Deep Core planet of the same name." -- this can't be right as Eclipse is destroyed in Star by Star.
 * 82) **Er... no it wasn't.
 * 83) ***I'm going to strike this but will look into it further at a later date.
 * 84) * "During the Borleias occupation, Ben accompanied his mother everywhere she went, something that Luke Skywalker saw as irrational." -- this reads as though Ben is walking around with Mara and that Luke views Ben's behaviour as irrational. Please re-word and take care to tend towards the passive when discussing Ben at this age; he's basically an object, after all.
 * 85) *Addressed.
 * 86) *That's it for now; I'll continue with the Dark Nest stuff later. Well done for writing him! -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 15:45, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) http://objection.ytmnd.com
 * 88) *In the Second Galactic Civil War section, there's a long span of no images, followed by five in very close succession. Can these be spread out?
 * 89) **I looked at the two sections, and there aren't any images pertinent to the events recounted.
 * 90) ***Maybe the image of Mara could be moved up? There's nothing about that image that suggests it depicts Mara immediately before her death; it could possibly go in the "Assassinating Gejjen" section. There's some room for creativity there, I think --- at the very least, move the image of Caedus over to the right (and switch the four succeeding Biography images around)? Two images on the left in such close succession looks yucky. Menkooroo 07:33, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) *In Regaining his connection to the Force: Are we sure that the Gorax attack was real? Didn't Jacen just make the story up so that he didn't have to tell Luke and Mara why he really mind-rubbed Ben, and wouldn't have to reveal Allana's true parentage? Menkooroo 08:33, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) **The gorax attack and Endor trip actually happened. Jacen attests to this in the book; he did it so it would fill the gap in Ben's memory.
 * 93) ***Jacen attests to it, but it's in a scene from Luke's POV, and doesn't Luke suspect he's lying? The Darth Caedus article currently claims that it's a lie, so you and Havac might want to come to a consensus on this. Two FA's with conflicting reports wouldn't look good. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure that they went to Endor alright, but the Gorax attack was a lie. Menkooroo 07:33, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Heads-up; re added the Databank link for you, it seems to have gotten (accidentally) removed during the article's transition.  Firebird  [[File:Moltresheadsig.PNG]] heart's eye 12:49, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Is there a reason you use such an outdated image of Luke in the "Duel at the Temple" section? He looks younger than Jacen does in the "Regaining his connection to the Force" section. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:18, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Quick note: Abyss update will commence soon, when I have sufficient time.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 14:35, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Great job updating for Abyss. The "Sinkhole Station" section could use an image, to fit with the two previous sections --- I'd recommend using the image of Vestara. Menkooroo 05:07, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Calo Nord

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:17, July 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Might as well nom this, too&hellip;

(4 Inqs/5 Users/9 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) LordDeathRay  (My Sith Holocron)  01:27, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Pre-nom reviewed. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 14:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Great article. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:04, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 10:07, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 20:48, November 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  CC7567  (talk) 05:32, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) LtNOWIS 18:48, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:09, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Looks good.--Loneshark1138 Koensayr.png (Comlink) 14:34, January 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) NaruHina
 * 2) * Context on the Mando Wars and the Jedi Civil War
 * 3) **I took out the Mandalorian Wars part, so far there is no record of his being active during that time, just the Jedi Civil War. Can't just assume that he was without any proof. Context for the JCW and Revan and Malak is there.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters, and then tracked down and murdered his mother and father, who had sold him into slavery when he was a boy." Triple "and." (partially my fault, sorry :P)
 * 5) **Took care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan" This either needs context or needs to be changed to something like "a Galactic Republic soldier." Revan was not Revan at this point, when his mind was changed, he became a different person and, at this point in continuity, his past as a Sith Lord is irrelevant.
 * 7) **True, but the context about his former life is relevant, since it establishes why Malak would send both Nord and Bandon after him and Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Good point.
 * 9) * "he butchered his slave masters" I know this is nitpicky but does the Prima Guide specifically say "butchered."
 * 10) **After reading the Databank entry, I see that it confirms this. The statement should be sourced to there if it does not appear in the Prima guide.
 * 11) ***Yes, it does. I got it from the guide.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "After watching Nord kill three Black Vulkars for disturbing him" I don't remember, were the three specified as Vulkars?
 * 13) **If Revan converses immediately after Nord kills the thugs, Revan says "I saw how you mopped up those Vulkars"&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Nord and Kang&mdash;who themselves tried to make it to the ship&mdash;caught Revan and his companions trying to steal the ship." Double "and"
 * 15) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***There's nothing particularly wrong with using two ands in one sentence like that. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:01, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ****I know. Grammatically it was fine but it still read a bit off. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:56, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Kang perished in the fighting and Revan, Shan, and Onasi boarded the Ebon Hawk, picked up the rest of their companions, and fled Taris." Double "and"
 * 19) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "When Nord had sufficiently recovered, he had a private audience with Darth Malak aboard the Leviathan and, along with Admiral Karath, told the Sith Lord that Shan had escaped Taris' destruction with the help of Onasi." "Along with Admiral Karath is awkward here. Is there a source that states Nord informed him of Revan being alive here? Also, I don't think Calo and Karath told Malak this together.
 * 21) **Took care of "along with", Karath had all the other soldiers leave the bridge before they told Malak. "Lord Malak, forgive me. There is something else. May we have a private audience away from the ears of the common soldiers? "I trust you are not wasting my time, Admiral Karath." "I promise you will be very interested in what Calo has to tell you about Bastila's other companions, Lord Malak".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Nord then set out to find Revan and his companions. After Taris' destruction, Revan had become a Padawan to be retrained in the Jedi ways at the Jedi Enclave" "Retrained" is odd here because it hasn't been made clear that Revan forgot his training, didn't finish training, or that he was trained by Jedi at all before this. Reword.
 * 23) **I believe the context had been established.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting, Nord told him that he was not in it for the credits; rather, he had a reputation to protect." I'm not sure that you can say that he chose a certain conversation option in the body of the article (unless its the only option, of course).
 * 25) **The other dialogue options are aggressive, and un-Jedi like, which I thought went against Wookiepedia policy of 100% light-side choices unless otherwise stated by another source. These are the other options: "You traveled a long way just to die, Calo!" and, "You think I got lucky last time? Okay, let's do it again!".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ***OK.
 * 27) * "With that, Nord attacked Revan, but he and his minions were killed by the redeemed Jedi and his companions" Another mention of his time as a Sith Lord, nothing has been mentioned of anything Revan did that would need penance.
 * 28) **Context has been established.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Shortly after Nord's death, Admiral Karath informed Darth Malak of Nord's failure. Malak told Karath that the penalty for failure was death, but that the failure was Nord's." This is slightly confusing. Why would Malak have to tell Karath that the failure was Nord's?
 * 30) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * In the P&T, when talking about how he knows Basic, I think you could also say that he could comprehend the language(s) of those three aliens who confronted him in the bar.
 * 32) * "used a prototype energy shield of Verpine design for extra protection during battle." A link to the specific energy shield would be beneficial if it is stated. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:25, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Wasn't Carth a captain, not a commander? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:47, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) **The Knights of the Old Republic Campaign Guide lists him as having been a commander during the Jedi Civil War, as this is the latest canon, it's what we have to go by.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:31, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ***Ah. OK. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:56, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) Naru, Part Deux
 * 38) * "However, Nord was caught under falling debris from the hangar, allowing the group to kill Kang" Wasn't Kang already dead?
 * 39) **Yes, he was, thanks for pointing this out. Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:02, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * Also, there should probably be a mention of how the events in the hanger differ if Revan brought a sword or a blaster.
 * 41) **Huh?
 * 42) ***The scene plays out a bit differently depending on whether Revan brought a blaster or a sword into the hanger when he fights Nord and Kang. I don't remember if the change had anything specificly to do with how Calo reacted but its something to look into for a Bts note. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:42, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ****I just played it three times over with all three armed with blasters, then swords, and then fists and got exactly the same dialogue every time. Then out of curiosity, I checked the dialogue file itself (tar08_davik082.dlg) and there are no alternate dialogue paths. I honestly don't know where you got this idea. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:50, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *****Quite odd. I remember playing a difference and then reading it again later but I dunno. It probably wasn't important anyway. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:06, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "During his time as a slave, he learned to be ruthless and cold-hearted, so when he turned sixteen years of age, he butchered his slave masters and then murdered his parents." That he tracked down and killed his parents is only in the intro. Also a double "and"
 * 46) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:49, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * "Aboard his flagship Leviathan, Darth Malak came to the conclusion that the search for Shan was taking too long and ordered the Sith Admiral Saul Karath to have the Sith fleet destroy Taris in order to kill the Jedi. After Revan and his companions disabled the hangar bay's security systems in Kang's estate, they attempted to make it to the Ebon Hawk." It sortof jumps here from the order to their escape. Why are they trying to leave the planet? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:27, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Taken care of. Context provided in second paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:49, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *** Escape from what? The Sith? Why would they need the Ebon Hawk specifically? There should be a small mention that it possessed the codes neccisary to bypass the Sith blockade somewhere. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:42, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Please take a look at the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:10, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Harrar
 * 52) * When the Sith began bombarding Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, an amnesiac soldier, actually Revan; the Republic commander Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo, when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk. There are many things wrong with the sentence; you can't have two "whens", your semi-colon and comma use are messed up, the Revan information is jarring, the Ebon Hawk is not a flagship, they confront them in the hangar rather than set out to kill them...etc.
 * 53) **One of the "whens" is omitted. It now reads "during their attempt to steal"&hellip; I'm changing "flagship" to "freighter", but it should be noted that in-game, both Hudrow, Kang's pilot, and Ordo refer to the ship as "Davik's flagship.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "The former Dark Lord Revan&mdash;who was betrayed by Malak...[text]...Revan watched Nord kill two Rodians so that he could collect the bounties on their heads." - this entire section is written from Revan's point of view, but this is Nord's biography. Please correct this.
 * 55) **Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:19, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * In fact, the entire Taris section is oriented towards Revan's activities. You need to re-structure this so it relates to Nord.
 * 57) **Take a look at it, might need to do more work at it, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:19, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * I find the way you repeat language used in the section quotations very distracting. For example: Sorry, I'm not in this for the credits. You're the only ones who've ever gotten away from me&mdash;I've got a rep to protect! Nord told him that he was not in it for the credits; rather, he had a reputation to protect. I'm sure you can paraphrase the information in a better fashion.
 * 59) **The whole thing about Nord citing his damaged reputation and all is not really important, so I removed it. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:58, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) *While it's great to see key characters from KotOR getting FAed, I feel that the general apathy towards reviewing these nominations should be considered by nominators. I know that it's my role to read through these articles, but they tend to repeat the same information, in the same style, from vaguely different perspectives. Game mechanics are always very obvious, and when dialogue is simply converted into indirect speech with no regard for the dullness of the repetition, it becomes a little tiresome. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 12:04, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) **I understand your concerns, but I don't feel there is anything I, or anyone, can do about that. As you know, there is simply not enough info beyond the game on characters such as Nord or Bandon. They were created by BioWare merely as boss characters, Hopefully, the comic series will feature these, and other, characters in the future. In the future, I'll try to be careful about converting dialogue into indirect speech. Thank you for the review.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:58, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ***Thanks, Kasra, for addressing these points so quickly and effectively. My apologies for the nature of my comments. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 10:07, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) Having finally gotten those images for it, I only have one issue. In the Bts, "...Nord explains to Revan how he managed to reach the underwater station." Can you add a sentence or two to explain to us how he reached Hrakert? The rest of it is great.  Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 18:01, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) *Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:28, November 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) Attack of the Clone
 * 66) * Is the fact that he was "hired" really an affiliation to those three groups in the infobox? Bribing with credits ≠ belief in a cause.
 * 67) **No, removed. Something I wanted to ask you about. Cad Bane's infobox says that his allegiance laid in the highest bidder. The Databank's entry on Nord says a similar thing, as you'll find in the P&T section. Could I add this to Nord's infobox?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) ***If a source explicitly states so, then no, I do not see why you should contradict an official source. However, the fact remains that you still haven't properly fixed his allegiances; by removing the "hired," it's even less factually correct than it was before.  CC7567  (talk) 16:21, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Here's what the Databank says: "Calo knew no allegiance other than to hard credits or the thrill of the hunt." He was hired by these groups, so shouldn't he be technically be affiliated with them? Whether he actually believed in each group's cause is irrelevant, isn't it?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:43, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) *****No, it is relevant. If he "knew no allegiance other than to hard credits or the thrill of the hunt", prose aside, you're basically ignoring an official source by saying otherwise. If he's working for a group and getting paid, the only thing that can be assumed is that he's working because he's getting paid. You're welcome to add the three groups in as affiliations if you can find a source that explicitly states that he was affiliated to them aside from credits. I'm going to cite this discussion to help you understand this problem better.  CC7567  (talk) 18:32, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ******Alright, considering I've got it in the P&T that his ultimate loyalty was to whoever offered the most credits, I put down "Highest bidder" in his allegiances. Thank you for the link to the discussion on that.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:02, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *Please watch your "unknowns". I've removed them, but these have close to no place in IU articles, as you should know by now.
 * 73) **Forgot that these were in here, sorry.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Are you absolutely certain that all of the details in the third paragraph of Battle of Taris are directly relevant to Nord? I'm under the impression that they can be shortened.
 * 75) **I am not so sure. It gives context on wehy Revan infiltrated Kang's estate, how, and with who.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ***It's the little details that keep on adding up. Is the Tarisian Season Opener really necessary? Is the fact that Ordo approached Revan absolutely necessary when you can simply say that Revan teamed up with him and stole the Sith codes? Also, the "After Ordo" sentences that start in the exact same manner are getting rather tiresome; please fix this somehow.  CC7567  (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ****Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:43, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) * Same issue in the first paragraph of the "Death" section. You first say that Nord was granted a "private audience" with Malak, but don't introduce him until several sentences later, which can be fixed by rewriting it more around Nord.
 * 79) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ***Please read what I've edited it to so that you get an idea of what I'm expecting. However, you also need to clarify how Nord can be granted a "private audience" with Malak when Karath is still present.  CC7567  (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ****Got it. Looked at the dialogue files, he and Karath had a private audience with Malak after Karath introduced Malak to Nord. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:43, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "The leaders of the secret bounty hunter guild known as the GenoHaradan considered admitting Nord in their organization, although he had not yet proven himself worthy of joining. However, due to his end at Revan's hands, the secret society's overseers decided to instead approach Revan with an invitation to join the GenoHaradan." I don't see why this is relevant to the P&T and yet not to the Bio, where it should belong.
 * 83) **Created a "Legacy" section and put this, along with the bit about Karath telling Malak about Nord's death, under that section.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "When Bandon tracked down and confronted Revan after the former Sith Lord found the fourth of the five Star Maps, Bandon mentioned Nord to Revan, saying that while he might have been able to defeat Nord, Revan would be no match for the Shadow Hand." Same issue as above, though this has much less relevancy and needs to be checked and rewritten to match where it best fits.
 * 85) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * I would definitely say that the last paragraph of the P&T warrants the need for an Equipment section, per the Layout Guide. Please take action as you see fit.
 * 87) **I was completely unaware that there was a "Equipment" section, don't see it that often. Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * "After Revan slew Nord, he had the opportunity to acquire the bounty hunter's datapad, armor, and blasters." Again, please clarify how and why this is relevant to the P&T.
 * 89) **Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * Shouldn't the datapad be mentioned in the Bio?
 * 91) **No, I don't think so. It has no real relevance to the game other than it being some item Revan could have found.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * First of all, please check your tense in the Bts; scenarios should almost always be in present. Second, please clarify "because he was supposed to be too weak to defeat the bounty hunter at that time".
 * 93) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) *** It still needs to be clarified why Revan is "supposed to be too weak."  CC7567  (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) ****I just decided to remove it outright. Seemed speculative, anyway.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:02, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *I'd recommend that you try to watch your linking. The object of linking is not to link every single relevant word to a different article (i.e. Jedi Knight turned Sith Lord ) but to link relevant articles without making it look unattractive. Please also watch your verb tense.  CC7567  (talk)
 * 97) **Alright. Thank you very much for the review, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * "Karath told Malak that while Nord had been hired for a hefty fee, Nord's services were worth the price." Hired for what? Is this ever clarified in the game? If this much is known, then the article needs to reflect this.  CC7567  (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:43, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) Fresh pasta in a pomodoro sauce, as ordered.
 * 101) *This statement is misleading (and a run-on): "During the final year of the Jedi Civil War, Nord was on the planet Taris in Kang's estate when Malak, who had betrayed Revan and usurped control of the Sith Empire, ordered the planet's destruction in an attempt to kill Jedi Knight Bastila Shan, who was also on the world."
 * 102) ** First, Nord was on the planet but was caught in the quarantine. Double check the statements made, because this is alluded to.
 * 103) ***Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:16, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) ** Second, there is no mention here of what he was doing on Taris other than being in Kang's estate. When he is first seen, he isn't in Kang's estate. Rather, he is working the Lower City. This statement implies he was simply lounging around at Kang's place.
 * 105) ***Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:16, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) ****Nothing is in the introduction about what he was doing on Taris. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:55, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) *****Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:24, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 108) ** Third, I know some context on the Jedi Civil War is necessary, but this is too cumbersomely written for an introduction. It comes off as forced and it really breaks the flow. The run-on nature of it does not help.
 * 109) ***Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:16, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) ****I'm beginning to be jaded by the constant qualifiers of Malak overthrowing Revan. This is almost unnecessary. If the wording can be lessened even more, it would be better. Otherwise, it is not enough for me to hold the objection formally. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:55, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) ** Fourth, the mention of the bombardment should coincide with the mention of Shan, which it currently does, but in the rearranged and rewritten opening to this paragraph.
 * 112) ***Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:16, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) *" When the Sith began to bombard Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan&hellip;" This reads awkwardly. It should be clarified that Nord and Kang were trying to escape and that they caught the team trying to steal the ship. In the firefight&hellip; (however you choose to continue).
 * 114) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:16, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) *" Nord eventually became a bounty hunter himself&hellip;" So, there is a gap in time between killing those who wanted him dead and becoming a bounty hunter?
 * 116) **Changed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) * "He often worked for Davik Kang&hellip;" What says this? This seems like an OR conclusion based upon the fact that he was doing some contracts on Taris at that time. Is there anything in the game that says Kang was Nord's most frequent employer?
 * 118) **Changed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) ***This is not changed. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:55, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) ****Sorry about that, please try it now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:24, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) *" At some point during his lifetime, Nord was also hired by the Galactic Republic for operations in the Core." This is just dropped in. I highly recommend placing this after mentioning his career starting. Basically, almost anywhere before the Davik Kang / Taris stuff, not in the middle.
 * 122) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) *" While on Taris, Nord was often be found in the Hutt Zax's bounty office&hellip;" Again, what in the game dictates that he was most often present in the cantina? What states he spent the majority of his time there? This seems like OR.
 * 124) **Eh, Mission Vao tells Revan, "He hangs around Zax's bounty office, but I don't think he's looking for work there." Probably not enough to say he spent his free time there, so I just put this down. "While on Taris, Nord could occasionally be found&hellip;"--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) * The first sentence of Jedi Civil War: the offset em dash clause should be made into its own separate sentence at the beginning of the paragraph if that much detail is going to be given about the war's unfolding. The offset clause is too long and it destroys the flow of the root thought. In reality, this entire paragraph seems overdone and almost irrelevant at its current length. I know other Inqs want context, but this is too much. There is not enough about Nord here to warrant this.
 * 126) **I think I've shortened it enough, for example, the context on how Shan reached Taris is not needed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) * The offset em dash clause in the first sentence of the second paragraph of Jedi Civil War is also too cumbersome. If a predicating paragraph is going to remain, this information should be there. I don't care about Revan's history when trying to talk about how he ran into Nord twice. That should already be taken care of considering the lengths that have been gone to in order to qualify the war already.
 * 128) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) * In the same sentence, the double apostrophes are too awkward. Reword this, please.
 * 130) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 131) * In what way did Ordo work for Kang? Explain. Also, tie this in quicker. I admit that the perpetual who and whose clauses are feeling tiresome. Can this phrase even be reworded?
 * 132) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 133) *I will stop here for now. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:50, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) LtNOWIS
 * 135) * It's unclear where the 5 sentences in the "Early life and bounty hunter" section are from. Can you add citations for those statements? -LtNOWIS 01:11, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) **The first five? They come from the strategy guide, and the citation's already there.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:23, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 137) ***Ah, I see. -LtNOWIS 18:48, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) ****Thanks for the review, LtNOWIS.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:13, December 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) Pasta, second serving
 * 140) * For reference, see above as there are objections outstanding.
 * 141) * "Nord survived the attack and was able to escape Taris before the Sith completely destroyed the surface of the planet." What says that he left Taris before the attack was completed?
 * 142) **Nothing, and nothing says that he left after, either. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 143) * "When Nord had sufficiently recovered&hellip;" What says this? I could not find this in the dialogue.
 * 144) **Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 145) * "Admiral Karath brought Nord in as an eyewitness&hellip;" Run-on. This could easily be three sentences.
 * 146) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 147) * "Karath told Malak that while Nord had been hired to capture Shan for a hefty fee, Nord's services were worth the price." This is awkward and out of place. Please fit this in to the flow of the conversation better.
 * 148) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 149) * "Before Nord left to locate Shan&hellip;" This sets up the bombshell statement to come as unimportant. Establish that Nord had more information rather than an "oh, by the way" statement.
 * 150) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 151) *Two things:
 * 152) **"Nord hired two Rodian and two Aqualish henchmen&hellip;" Umm, yeah. This sentence really a run-on. Three or more sentences should be made from this. Please also excise the unnecessary "context" that burdens this as well.
 * 153) ***Please try it. I feel that some of the context needs to stay, if I removed all of it, a reader would think "OK, Revan's a Republic soldier in the previous section, and now he's a Jedi? How'd that happen?"--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 154) ****Multiple things:
 * 155) *****Now the extra bounty hunters bit needs to be tied into something, but not too much of something.
 * 156) ******Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:08, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 157) *****Please excise the em dash clause from the second sentence. Give a very, very brief statement about Revan and his hunt for the Maps and Forge before saying he was located.
 * 158) ******Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:08, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 159) *****Make sure it is clear that Nord set an ambush while the team was inside the cave.
 * 160) ******Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:08, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 161) ** It is implied, as it stands now, that the henchmen were hired before going to Tatooine. There is nothing that establishes that, so it needs to be reworded.
 * 162) ***Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 163) * "Nord confronted Revan after the Jedi found a second Rakatan Star Map, which was necessary to locate the Star Forge, in the cave of a krayt dragon, a creature native to Tatooine." Please reorder this sentence so fewer commas exist. This sentence is very messy.
 * 164) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 165) *No quote for the legacy section? Nothing from Malak or elsewhere?
 * 166) **No, not that I could find.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 167) ***What about something from his datapad or what Bandon or Malak said about Nord not being able to handle Revan?
 * 168) ****How does the quote from Karath and Malak work?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:08, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 169) *More later. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:55, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 170) **Four things outstanding above. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) *More later. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:55, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) **Four things outstanding above. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, January 15, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * This is not a formal objection because I don't really believe in image objections except in the most extreme circumstances, but do you think it could use more screenshots from KOTOR? Actual live-action shots from the game feel underrepresented somehow. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 18:29, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * You make a good point, but seeing as I don't know how to upload images from the game, I'm kinda in a bind. Maybe one of the other users could help? Plus, the live-action pics would have to not include Revan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Full credit goes to Nayayen for uploading this image for the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:16, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * OK, in lieu of this, full credit goes to Nayayen for this image.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:34, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Hey, Naru, I'm waiting for the results of this before I do more worl with the nom. I'll get the objections taken care of as soon as I can, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:05, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright. Good luck with it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:18, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I found this link on Nord's talk page. It states that this dude named Max Raphael voiced Nord. I was wondering if it's legit.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:27, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * I did some digging around and the only vague source is from IMDB saying that Max Raphael did "Additional voices". He is the narrator for the History channel's "Modern Marvels" and they certainly sound the same but I can't find anything saying explicitly that he did voice Nord. Apparently he is actually known as Lloyd Sherr, but that yields nothing more. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:40, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * Oh, well. Thanks, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:20, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nayayen gets credit for this image. Thanks, man.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:49, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * This article is Part 3 of "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Motion to strike objections from NaruHina (Inquisitorius vote only)
 * 1) Naru's already given his support to the article, and he's unavailable to strike that last objection of his (which has been addressed) on his own. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 14:25, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:35, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 18:50, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Someone should really inform me when these types of votes go up. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:15, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 19:40, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

Saul Karath

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Perhaps I should have called the successive noms of Bandon, Malak, Nord, and now Karath, "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". Guess now is better than never, hence here is Part 4 of the project, Saul Karath. Let 'em rip.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/1 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) My first supported FAN! Good work, Kasra. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 13:55, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Looking at the length of the intro compared to the article, I can say without checking the content that the intro is much too long.  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:36, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I shortened it a little, see what you think. I understood the shortening of the Nord and Bandon intros, but I think Karath has enough background to justify three paragraphs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) You asked for a review. Please note that I did not look too much at the KOTOR game sections, as I'm not done the game.  My focus was on the comics section. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 19:14, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Some work to be done in the Vindication section. Some of the facts in the last paragraph aren't quite right.  Haazen didn't slice the Vanjervalis Chain, he always had control since he owned the companies.  His command of the ships came from the Gauntlet of Kressh the Younger, not from his cybernetics.
 * 5) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * A few terminology issues, mostly in the Vindication section. He was given command of Swiftsure, not commissioned it.  And the Veltraa wasn't a flagship.
 * 7) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Because of the revelations in Demon #1, you should review the Adasca Affair section's references to Rohlan.
 * 9) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * I may not be understanding this correctly, but I was taught that every fact needed a reference, and that multiple facts coming from the same source needed multiple references. I could be wrong on this though.  If I'm right, then a lot of refs need to be added, especially in the Early Life section.
 * 11) **For multiple facts coming from the same reference, only one is needed at the end of the passage. It's rather unsightly and unbecoming to cite five sentences in a row to the same source.  CC7567  (talk) 19:19, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***There you go. Thank you, CC. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 20:55, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * The article may benefit from a Spoiler tag, especially since now there's a Demagol reference in there and he will be appearing in other issues of Demon. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:40, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:05, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks for the review, Taral.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Floyd:
 * 17) *Intro: A little context on the Adasca affair.
 * 18) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *"Malak ordered Karath to destroy the planet Telos IV." This sentence just sticks out in the paragraph and kinda messes up the flow. Either merge it with another sentence, or expand it a little by telling why Malak would order Karath to do such a thing.
 * 20) **Please try it--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *"For every success Karath gained, a setback followed." Such as...?
 * 22) **This was in the KotOR CG, nothing is said explicitly as to what this was.--Jedi Kasra (comlink)
 * 23) *"When Karath was promoted to the Inexpugnable-class tactical command ship Courageous, he invited Onasi to serve with him aboard the warship, bestowing the nickname "Fleet" on the pilot." Any particular reason he gave Carth this nickname?
 * 24) **This was in the 14th issue, and there has been no explanation as to why this particular name was given.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *In Battle of Vanquo, give some context on the outbreak of the Mandalorian Wars.
 * 26) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *If I recall correctly, the Little Bivoli was not a restaurant.
 * 28) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *"Karath told Carrick that while he could not turn Carrick in to the custody of his former Jedi Master Lucien Draay," Why not? Clarify.
 * 30) *Context on Adascorp.
 * 31) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:19, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *Context on Adasca's "scheming". You mention it in the second paragraph of The Adasca affair before you actually explain what he's scheming about.
 * 33) **Since I removed the part where Jarael attempts to inform Carrick of this, this is taken care of as well, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *"As Carrick was disembarking the Deadweight with Onasi and Morvis, Jarael, the female Arkanian offshoot who helped Carrick elude the Jedi Masters on Taris, noticed Carrick and kissed him. In actuality, Jarael was attempting to tell Carrick about Adasca's scheming." Eh? How does this work?
 * 35) **What Jarael is trying to do isn't relevant to Karath, so I removed the second sentence.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *"Karath asked Adasca what exactly he wanted; when the Mandalorians arrived, Karath told Adasca that he had gone too far. " What? When did Mandalorians become involved in this? You need to clarify what is going on here.
 * 37) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *The third paragraph of The Adasca affair starts off way too abruptly, as Mandalore the Ultimate had not even been mentioned as being there. I think that the fact that Mandalore himself was personally commanding the Mandalorians in the Adasca affair is worthy of note in the previous paragraph.
 * 39) **Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *I don't really think the fact that Rohlan Dyre is Demagol is really pertinent.
 * 41) **I'll remove for now, but since Karath is part of the 49th issue, I might have to add it in again.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *Context on the Jedi Covenant.
 * 43) **Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *"Onasi let Carrick escape," Why would Onasi disobey a direct order? Clarify.
 * 45) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *Context on the Swiftsure.
 * 47) **Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *Context on the defense of Coruscant and the Jedi Covenant's actions; mention of these is given in the first paragraph of "Vindication" but with no explanation.
 * 49) **The context is there, reworded it a little. Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *In some cases, you capitalize the Vanjervalis Chain, but in other cases its written as the Vanjervalis chain. Which is it?
 * 51) **The first one.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) *"After the Mandalorian's final defeat at Malachor V, Karath was not among the Republic forces who followed Revan and Malak into the Unknown Regions to search for an ancient Rakatan space station called the Star Forge." If I recall correctly, they did not say they were looking for the Star Forge; the told the galaxy they were hunting down the remains of the Mandalorian fleet.
 * 53) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *The second paragraph of "Jedi Civil War" could definitely be expanded, with more info on the events mentioned.
 * 55) **Except that's pretty much all the info there. I added a little more info, but I don't see how I could expand on this when there's no new info avaliable.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *I think that Bastila's importance to the Republic warrants a mention.
 * 57) **Done, in the BoT section.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *"However, Malak reminded Karath what happened to his predecessor" Well, what did happen do his predecessor? Clarify.
 * 59) **Not stated explicitly. It's implied that Malak killed him, but without any actual proof, we just don't know.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) *"Sometime before Revan located that Star Map, Malak attacked the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine." What was his reason for doing this? Clarify.
 * 61) **To my knowledge, no source says why Malak attacked Dantooine, just that he did. What he did while there is irrelevant to Karath's history.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *The image of Karath torturing Bastila, Revan, and Carth should not be in the Battle of Taris section, as those events are not recounted in that section. Replace it with something more pertinent, possibly of when Malak orders Karath to destroy Taris.
 * 63) **Please try the image arrangement.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:40, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) *That's all. I'm not gonna lie, Kasra; I'm kinda disappointed. You're a good writer, you can do better.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 03:06, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) Nayayen has yet to think of some name for his reviews
 * 66) * In the intro, is there a reason that "affair" is not capitalized for Adasca but is for Vindication?
 * 67) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) * "After Malak betrayed Revan during the Jedi and Republic's attempt to capture them, Karath continued to serve the Sith forces under the new Dark Lord's command." Which of them is the new Dark Lord? Please clarify that Revan was captured, hence making it Malak.
 * 69) **Clarified.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) * The Little Bivoli didn't change to being a restaurant on Serroco, it was already configured like that beforehand.
 * 71) **I took out the dashes and inserted an "and" in between carrier and restaurant.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) * The conversation between Carrick and Onasi here reveals some things about Karath that should go in the P&T; mainly the line about Karath being unlikely to run a defense like on Serroco.
 * 73) **I added something along this line at the end of the 1st paragraph of the P&T. Is this what you're looking for?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) ***Sort of. My understanding of what Onasi said was that Karath wouldn't set up a defense that potentially endangered civilians, as Serroco did ("Aren't you guys setting up awfully close to the cities?"), rather than from a tactical, military point of view.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  16:57, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****I think I know what you're getting at. Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:17, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) * Why did Carrick cry when the bombs hit? Or rather, for whom?
 * 77) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) ***"As Carrick wept over the planet's destruction deaths on the Courageous bridge..." Hold on, I don't know what you're trying to say here...  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  16:57, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) ****Can't believe I missed the "deaths". Omitted.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:17, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) * "However, Malak reminded Karath what happened to his predecessor..." What did happen to his predecessor?
 * 81) **Floyd also asks this in his objections above. While it's implied ingame that Malak killed, I don't believe we can say for sure that Malak killed this dude. For all we know, Malak tortured him severly, cut off a limb ot two, and demoted him to private. We just don't know, which is why it's worded like it is.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) * "However, Nord was killed on the desert world Tatooine by Revan, now a retrained Jedi searching for the Star Forge, which was now under Malak's control." Can you reword this so that it doesn't sound as if Revan was now under Malak's control?
 * 83) **Reworded it a little, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) * At the end of the P&T, a sentence ends and another starts with "during his service". Please alter one of these.
 * 85) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) *Like with Malak, I'll wait until the TOR timelines and the last two issues of Demon are out before supporting. Not bad otherwise.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  12:02, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) **Thanks for your review, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:55, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm waiting for the results of this, then the article will have a few more links, such as a link to Nord's ambush of Revan, and such. Also, full credit goes to Nayayen for uploading these three images. Finally, this article will be updated as new info, such as from the comics, is released.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I will of course add new information from the upcoming Demon story arc.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:15, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * Hey Floyd, I'll take care of your objections within the next few days.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 06:00, December 27, 2009 (UTC)

Seyugi Dervishes

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Was just gonna nominate it for the GA, but after working with Master Jonathan, it's now at 1,042 words. So let 'em rip.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

(4 Inqs/4 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) They make Slipknot look friendly. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  12:40, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jinzler 17:39, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) I had never even heard of these guys. Menkooroo 05:30, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 04:30, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good work! ~ SavageBob 16:33, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Very well done. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 21:38, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:40, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:29, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Jinzler
 * 2) * The first five sentences in the introduction all start with the word "The". You should maybe change one or two of these instances, to give a bit more variety and reduce repetition.
 * 3) **Agreed. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:10, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Otherwise, it is looking pretty good. I'm glad you chose to FAN it :) --Jinzler 00:26, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **I plan to nom minor organizations from time to time. Thanks for the review, Jinzler.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:10, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) http://objection.ytmnd.com/
 * 7) * The final sentence of p,t,t: "The mercenaries were usually unaware of who the Dervish was and would be murdered by the Dervish to keep the Dervish's identity a secret." Any way that can be reworded so that 'Dervish' isn't used three times? 'Employer' might fit. Menkooroo 15:24, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 10) *Can you provide some context for Seyugi (in both the intro and the body)? It's unclear whether they are a species or simply a culture.
 * 11) **Added in the intro, and it's already there in the history: The Seyugi Dervishes were formed from the extinct Seyugi culture&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:55, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *** The Seyugi article says they were a species (or is categorized as such). Is this supported in the OS? If not, I'll strike the objection and correct the Seyugi article. ~ SavageBob 15:05, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****I assume by OS you mean original source, right? In that case, I don't know, according to the JATM, they were a culture.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:00, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *****OK, thanks for checking the original source. I've corrected the Seyugi article, and you have my support! ~ SavageBob 16:33, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Similarly, please add a few words to describe what a "prestige class" is in the "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:55, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * There's currently a bit of repetitive language where you say "study of the Force traditions and monastic studies." It's the "study... of studies" bit. Can you try to reword or find synonyms? Overall, very nice! ~ SavageBob 22:41, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **I added "practices" in places of "studies". Thanks for the review!--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:55, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 20) * The intro mentions that they were believed to be extinct by the Clone Wars but the history section doesn't give any idea of the time frame.
 * 21) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:30, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * I'm sure there aren't, but just for the record, any quotes? Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:51, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **No, sorry. Thanks for the review, GT.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:30, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) Would a "Notable members" section be appropriate? There seems to be enough information on at least two of them to constitute one.  CC7567  (talk) 06:13, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not an objection, but more of a question --- is there precedent for using the term "dark-sided"? Menkooroo 04:20, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * No, not really. Why?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:22, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * "philosophy, training, and techniques" reads: "...they did not follow many dark-sided practices." The sentence jumped out at me 'cause of the term "dark-sided", but not in a way I'd object to. I was just wondering if "dark-sided" is a commonly-used term. Menkooroo 15:29, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I believe so. I've seen it used in various novels and source books.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:14, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * Awesome. Thanks for checking that out. Menkooroo 15:24, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * I copy edited a bit to remove some distancing language (all the woulds) and some repetitive language. Please make sure I didn't change the meaning of anything accidentally! ~ SavageBob 22:41, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * No, you're good.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:55, December 24, 2009 (UTC)

HK-47

 * Nominated by: JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:42, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Statement: This time, optimal quality is guaranteed.

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Optimal accuracy ratio achieved. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:16, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:13, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Just because I helped in the beginning, don't think this'll be easy :P
 * 2) * "After the significant loss of life at the Battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47 as an alternative as he no longer felt destruction of such a scale necessary for his goals." This is confusing and it was already stated in the sentence before that Revan created HK.
 * 3) **Hopefully clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "The droid went on to help Revan find the Star Forge once more." Revan found the Star Forge before? What is the Star Forge?
 * 5) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Context on T3, Jedi Exile, GO-TO in the intro.
 * 7) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "were found by GO-TO and used for his purposes." This is too vague.
 * 9) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "The Exile finally repaired HK-47, who went on to defeat G0-T0 with help from HK-50 droids he persuaded to join the Exile." Why would he need to defeat GO-TO? What was the Exile trying to do?
 * 11) **Re-worded for better understanding. I don't think we need to go into too much detail over GO-TO's goals in the intro. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 03:14, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "given a new body." Why would he need a new body, what happened to the old one? You should probably mention that he was in the ship as well.
 * 13) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 14) * "This battle climaxed in a showdown between these spacers" What spacers? Were they the ones decieved by HK?
 * 15) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 16) * "HK-47's programming resulted in his enjoyment of bloodshed, and he took pleasure in any sort of violence, even describing his work as a form of art. He had a relatively condescending opinion towards organics, and made a habit of branding all organic lifeforms meatbags." I don't know if this is really neccisary, it's just a footnote disjointed from the intro.
 * 17) **Removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 18) *That's it for now. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:31, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Context on Nar Shaddaa. It should also be stated that GO-TO is a droid.
 * 20) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 21) * As it reads now, the first paragraph jumps from his creation to his capture. There should be a mention that he was set on missions by Revan.
 * 22) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 23) * The first two sentences begin the article by saying that he was created at the beginning of the Jedi Civil War, then they say that he was created in the wake of Malachor V (I reworded this part a little but it was there before) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:12, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Rewritten. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 03:35, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Nayayen
 * 27) * There is a fair bit of underlinking throughout. Don't forget that links shouldn't be unique to the intro and infobox just as much as information can't be.
 * 28) **After my copyedit I've also found cases of overlinking. For example, Visas Marr is not linked but Sith apprentice is linked at least twice in the body. Just remember: 1 link in intro, 1 in body, 1 in infobox and 1 in each image caption (if the latter two apply). Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **I've since linked and unlinked most of the ones that I could find, if you still see any, feel free to point them out and I'll take care of them immediately. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 30) * In the intro, where did Revan find HK again?
 * 31) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 32) * "Revan decided that more droids of this design would make efficient agents for his purposes." -What are his purposes?
 * 33) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 34) * Am I not correct in thinking that the Sand People then let Revan hear from their storyteller? HK-47 would translate for both parties as before but would often advise against responses that may offend the storyteller.
 * 35) **Actually Revan meets directly with the chieftain while HK provides translation. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 36) ***That is correct but I am fairly certain that you can meet with the storyteller if you fully follow the quest through. For starters, most of what the storyteller's lines (or rather, HK's translations) have the "Sound Resref" of "nm20aaxsto-"; you can check yourself. If you give the chieftain a krayt dragon pearl then he will deem you worthy enough to meet the storyteller. Please look into it. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ****Yeah, you're correct. I was never generous enough to give them my pearl, so I didn't recall this happening. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 38) * "was honored with Revan's other companions as heroes of the Republic, possibly even being awarded the Cross of Glory" -He either was or wasn't awarded it. There shouldn't be speculation about it.
 * 39) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 40) ***I can't find any reference to him being awarded it in the TSL tlk file. Do you have the StrRef for it? Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ****I watched the ending of KOTOR again and Dodonna states that she's "proud to honor each of you with the Cross of Glory," which I think makes it a safe assumption that HK-47 received it as well. If you disagree, I'd be perfectly fine with removing any mention of the award. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 42) * '"The attack failed when the Jedi Exile, Visas Marr, Nihilus's former Sith apprentice; and the current Mandalore, Canderous Ordo, along with a large force of Mandalorians boarded Nihilus's flagship, the Ravager, killed Nihilus, and destroyed the ship."'' -This is very disjointed, please fix it.
 * 43) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 44) * You need to put the P&t quote into.
 * 45) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 46) * How could you not even mention his definition of love in the P&t?
 * 47) **Good question, fixed with pleasure. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 48) * "The droid also found attacking a Jedi's allies, as Jedi would often sacrifice themselves to save an ally." -This sentence doesn't make sense.
 * 49) **Not sure what happened here, but fixed nonetheless. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 50) * Who, if anyone, voiced him in SWG?
 * 51) **After checking IMDB pages for both HK and Tabori, it doesn't appear he has a VA in Galaxies, although I'm unfamiliar with the game, and could be mistaken. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 52) ***Well, knowing that IMDB isn't always reliable, can you check with someone who has it? Someone in WP:SWG should be willing and able. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ****I've just had it confirmed by Fett 1138 that HK-47 doesn't have a voice actor in SWG. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 54) * Does his Force alignment differ between KotOR and TSL?
 * 55) **If it does it doesn't differ noticeably. He starts very dark-sided in both games. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 56) * I don't think this is something that you yourself might be able to fix but can you see about having the "companions of Revan" succession box made the same style as "companions of the Jedi Exile"?
 * 57) **I'll look into it, but I'm admittedly not very good with dealing with that sort of stuff. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 58) **This is overstepping the bounds of the FAN process, to put it politely. You don't want to hear what I really think of this kind of nonsensical objection. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:16, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) **FWIW, I did modify the template for consistency's sake, if nothing else. It now matches the KOTOR II template. 22:31, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ***My apologies Culator, I meant to have this as a comment and not an objection. Thank you Fraajic for sorting it. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * The URL references all need to use.
 * 62) **I'm unfortunately terrible when dealing with refs, so would it be too much to ask for you to fix one as an example? Then I'd know exactly what to do and would fix the rest myself. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 63) ***Certainly, it took me ages to figure them out myself... I've done Ref13. One thing to note is that accessdate needs the format yyyy/mm/dd. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) ****Ok, I fixed the refs, but I did end up listing the Team Gizka one multiple times because I couldn't get the ref name to work. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 65) *****They work the same as normal refs but instead of SOURCE for the first one, you put in the Cite web template. I've fixed them for you. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Ref No.6 (kotorcg) needs fixing.
 * 67) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 68) * Some of the categories seem a little odd, specifically the "culture" ones. Can you find any more suitable ones?
 * 69) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 70) * I can't believe that there aren't more interwiki links. Please check the list and see if any more languages have HK-47 yet.
 * 71) **LtNOWIS seems to have done this. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *I may find some more after I do a copyedit this weekend. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) *Four more for you. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ** "Separatist scientists began studying design elements of HK-47" -who are the Separatists? Someone who doesn't know that the CIS are the Separatists wouldn't be able to see the connection.
 * 75) ***Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 76) ** Further to the linking issues, there seems to be at least 3 things in the Mustafar section that should be linked but aren't.
 * 77) ***Linked a few more, although many of the referenced objects or places don't seem to have articles. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 78) ** "Whether these were intentionally installed by Revan or simply part of his protocol droid package is unclear." -This should be reworded to be from an IU perspective.
 * 79) ***Hopefully fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 80) ** Can the paragraph of the P&t with brackets in be reworded to remove them?
 * 81) ***Brackets removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 82) Naru continues...
 * 83) * "Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the superweapon known as the Star Forge." Use the Star Forge to do what? What does the Star Forge do?
 * 84) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "While HK-47 displayed obedience to those he identified as his master, he had little regard for any form of life and admitted that he was driven by a desire for violence and carnage. He characteristically used the term meatbag when speaking of organic life forms, especially Humans." This sounds like it should be in the P&T. The following reason for it could also be moved there as well.
 * 86) **I feel that this segment is important where it is, as it establishes the type of programming Revan gave him and explains the origin of the meatbag term. I reworded it a bit so it hopefully fits a bit better. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) *"The droid would continue to serve Revan during the Jedi Civil War, a devastating coonflict between a Sith Empire that Revan created after his turn to the dark side and the Galactic Republic, helping him locate the Star Forge and assassinating beings who could potentially destabilize the galaxy until his master sent him on an assassination mission into Mandalorian space." This is a double "and" and also mildly confusing. Reword.
 * 88) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:06, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) *Revan's memories were lost due to the intervention of the Jedi Council, not as a direct result of Malak's bombardment. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:45, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:06, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:00, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) Objections: 
 * 93) * First of all, please standardize your paragraph length. Some are just uber-long, while the others are tiny.
 * 94) **I believed I've made them a bit more even. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * Intro: However, HK-47 had been badly damaged and captured on a mission in Mandalorian space shortly before Revan was captured by the Jedi Order. The assassin droid's memory core was damaged, causing him to forget about his master, and he went from owner to owner, many of whom he inadvertently slew personally. Damaged is a bit repetitive. Please change one.
 * 96) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * The droid also accompanied Revan to the edge of the Unknown Regions along with Revan's utility droid, T3-M4, before being left behind in Revan's starship, the Ebon Hawk, as the proclaimed Jedi Knight journeyed on to face a threat he had remembered from his time as the Dark Lord. Quite confusing as to who "the Jedi Knight" refers to, since you don't establish in the into that Revan was a Jedi.
 * 98) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Revan's assassin: Not long after the resolution of the war, Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the Star Forge, a superweapon which could produce an endless supply of war material, which Revan hoped to use in conquering the Republic. This one is a run-on.
 * 100) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) * The Jedi Council ordered the Sith Lord's memories be re-written, and Revan lost his original memories, including those of HK-47's existence. Change one of the "memories" to something else.
 * 102) **Changed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * From master to master: The droid shut himself down once again after this discovery and was sold to a Human senator on the galactic capital of Coruscant. I believe that "this discovery" refers to the disovery of his master's death, but please reword to make it more clear.
 * 104) **Clarifed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * Back with Revan: It was also the signal for HK-47's internal programming to undo the simulated damage to his primary memory core&hellip; Are you sure "simulated" is the appropriate word here? Because is sounds as if HK simulated the damage intentionally, which, from what I can tell, was not the case.
 * 106) **Missed that one, fixed now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please provide more context for Revan's search for the Star Forge. Why did he want to find it the second time?
 * 108) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) *** Now you have two consecutive sentences that state that Revan was looking for the Star Forge. Please fix this.
 * 110) ****Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) ***** Objection stands. Revan was once again trying to find the Star Forge and was looking for the Star Map located on Tatooine. Revan was once again searching for the Star Maps, this time on behalf of the Jedi Council, in order to locate and destroy the superweapon and save the Republic from defeat. These two sentences still state the same info. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ******One more try! JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * Promise: Will continue with the "The Jedi Exile" later. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * The Jedi Exile: When the Jedi Exile who had since gained ownership of the Ebon Hawk reactivated HK-47, using parts retrieved from the imitation HK-50s and a junk dealer on Nar Shaddaa, the droid was enraged to discover these copies of himself, citing their coloration and their lack of using the meatbag reference, instead using "organic," as examples of their inferiority in his eyes. Run-on.
 * 115) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * &hellip;the droid joined the Exile in her journey to find and unite the surviving Jedi Masters from the former Jedi High Council of the First Jedi Purge. Reads as if it was "The Jedi Council of the First Jedi Purge". Please reword.
 * 117) **Reworded. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) * Context on G0-T0 upon first mention.
 * 119) **GO-TO is given context in the intro, but I added some context there anyway. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) ***Comment: The intro and the main body are two separate entities. A subject needs to be given context in both. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) * Please move the part about Revan erasing HK's memory to its chronological spot.
 * 122) **Moved. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) *** Still not good. This needs to be moved to the point where the erasing was actually performed by Revan, i.e. the ending of the "Back with Revan" section. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 124) ****Fixed? JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) * Darth Nihilus, a member of an organization of Dark Lords of the Sith, was tricked by Kreia into attacking the Jedi Academy there, thinking that he could sap the Jedis' Force energy when in reality the only Force-sensitive in the academy was its founder, Jedi Master Atris, the rest were Force-blind Echani Handmaidens. Again, run-on. Also, the plural form of Jedi is also "Jedi", not "Jedis".
 * 126) **Anons and their grammar...Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) * &hellip;freeing Bao-Dur's remote to activate the Mass Shadow Generator&hellip; Who's Bao-Dur? There is no mention of him prior to this part.
 * 128) **He is also mentioned in the intro but I added more context. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) ***See my comment above. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) * Sometime during the thousands of years between then and the Galactic Civil War, HK-47's artificial intelligence was transferred to a computer located in a Hammerhead-class cruiser. Explain that HK-47's chassis was also aboard the cruiser when it crashed, because the mention of the Separatists finding it later doesn't make much sense otherwise.
 * 131) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * "Retirement" on Mustafar: When the Separatist Confederacy of Independent Systems arrived on Mustafar during the on-going Clone Wars Choose either the "Separatists" or the "Confederacy of Independent Systems." Using both together feels kinda excessive.
 * 133) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) * Context on Darth Vader.
 * 135) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) * after Vader and the Imperial forces left Mustafar Again, what "Imperial" forces? There's no mention of any Empire.
 * 137) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) *** Darth Vader's actions brought an end to the Clone Wars and the Separatist movement and secured the security of the new Galactic Empire. Secured the security? :P QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) ****Wow, my bad. Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) * HK-47 instructed the spacers to invade the Kubaza Beetle Cavern and enable his AI to be transferred from the ship. How would the spacers invading the cavern help HK-47 transfer his AI? Was there some kind of switch in the cavern or what?
 * 141) **I'm not entirely sure what the process was since I never played Galaxies so I opted for a more general description which hopefully suffices. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 142) * Overall, the chronology of events in this section is quite confusing. What was the point of restoring the power to the facility? Did HK transfer his consciousness there as the facility's article claims? What did the six-digit code do? Please go through the section again and try to fix these.
 * 143) **I removed most of the irrelevant details to clear things up. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 144) * HK-47 informed them that, although he appreciated their help for returning him to his body, he would have to get the factory back up and running to get some payback from those who had taken it from him. Who had taken what? The body or the factory?
 * 145) **Whoever wrote this section in the beginning really didn't do a good job, but I've hopefully addressed all concerns. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 146) * Droid factory leads to a disambiguation page.
 * 147) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 148) * Also, I count five redlinks in the article. Take care of them (though I don't think we need an article for "gas").
 * 149) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 150) * Will continue with "Personality and traits" later. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:24, November 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) * For example, if asking a question, he would first say "Query:", before beginning a question such as, "Query: Who would you like killed today, master?." Feels too detailed. I believe the first part of the sentence is sufficient.
 * 152) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) * He was fluent in Galactic Basic Standard, Tusken, Binary, Jawa trade language, and boasted that he was fluent in over 6,000 forms of communication. "He was fluent" is repetitive
 * 154) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 155) * Could you state the dates of KotORs and SWG in the biography? It is always better to let the reader know when an event took place.
 * 156) **Good idea. The Mustafar section already had a date, so I just added them in the others. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 157) *Statement: That's all. Good work. Now fix all that's left, and I'll be happy to give my vote :) QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 158) ** All of the remaining objections stand. I've seen no changes made to satisfy them in the page history. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:37, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 159) **Sorry, I must have missed the save button or something, please take a look now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 160) Soresu makes a rare appearance on the FAN page
 * 161) * Just a random thing I noticed. You should make mention of his highly positive critical reception in KOTOR. I believe he won some awards for best character or something, too. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:04, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 162) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 163) Attack of the Clone
 * 164) * "During this period, HK-50 assassin droids, a newer version of HK that Revan had mass-produced, were found by G0-T0, the leader of the Exchange organization on the notorious Hutt-controlled moon Nar Shaddaa. G0-T0 was in truth a droid, and was forced to act in secrecy to preserve his identity, which led him to hire the HK-50s as bounty hunters, and the droids soon began traveling around the galaxy helping him achieve his goals." Is this much context really relevant to HK-47 himself? Remember, intros are only supposed to provide the reader with the most basic understanding of the subject possible.
 * 165) **Removed all but the relevant parts. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 166) *Could you please clarify the conflicts between the manufacturers in the infobox? The infobox should really only use what is fully verified, so if the actual manufacturer is unknown, then the infobox should reflect that.
 * 167) *The relevancy of nearly the entire first paragraph of the Biography is questionable. Please clarify why all of it is important and how it is directly relevant to HK-47.
 * 168) **I removed bits which weren't absolutely necessary but I feel the remaining content is important in clarifying why Revan chose to construct HK specifically after the battle at Malachor, and also explains why a Jedi would consider using an assassin. I understand your point about it relating to HK, but I feel the backdrop of his construction is an important part of his biography as well. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 169) ***I'm sorry, but my point of view still stands. I cannot honestly understand why throwaway bits of information, including why Malachor V was chosen as a battlefield, are directly relevant to HK-47. Furthermore, you mention the Mass Shadow Generator but don't even clarify if it was the instigator of the "destruction caused at Malachor" that you later state was the reasons behind Revan's construction of HK-47&mdash;for that reason, since you don't clarify why it's relevant, it isn't relevant. Please make this connection clearer or just shorten or scrap it all together; context isn't context when it's not clarified as context.  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 170) * If you choose to keep it, Revan's "turn to the dark side" is extremely unclear in the first paragraph of the Biography.
 * 171) **Would you like me to go into more detail about their fall? That part isn't very relevent because that delves deep into content which isn't related to HK very much at all, mainly their encounter with the True Sith and the Sith Emperor. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 172) ***No, what you've added is fine. (And yes, you're right that adding any more information would be irrelevant.)  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 173) * "who claimed him as his spoils": please check this; it's not very clear.
 * 174) **Hopefully clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 175) ***Why is it "presumably"? If it wasn't directly clarified, speculation does not belong in this article.  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 176) ****Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 177) * "and began using him to elevate his rank by eliminating rivals": same as above.
 * 178) **Hopefully also clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 179) * "The Senator instead ordered HK-47 to kill the assistant, and the droid remained with his master, helping him eliminate his political enemies. The Senator was on the way to being elected as the Supreme Chancellor, but things did not go as they had been planned." This is unclear. Did the Senator want to eliminate his political rivals in order to be elected Chancellor? If so, this needs to be clarified, because it's irrelevant at the moment.
 * 180) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 181) * "Revan was once again trying to find the Star Forge and was looking for the Star Map located on Tatooine. Revan was once again searching for the Star Maps, this time on behalf of the Jedi Council, in order to locate and destroy the superweapon and save the Republic from defeat." Please smooth out the redundant wordings here.
 * 182) **Hopefully fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 183) * Please source that Fact tag.
 * 184) **How odd, I'm not sure why that was there. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 185) *I think that's enough for now. The two things I would recommend watching at this point are your level of context and your verb tense. For context, all that needs to be included in the article is what is directly relevant to HK-47 or is completely necessary to understand other parts of the article. For verb tense, future tense should only be used where necessary, as the shifts between past and future make the article confusing. I would recommend running through the entire article and try to fix these issues soon, preferably before I continue my review. I'll continue with "The Jedi Exile" once you have fixed these issues.  CC7567  (talk) 02:56, December 20, 2009 (UTC
 * 186) Galaxies
 * 187) *The article Star Wars Galaxies: Trials of Obi-Wan states that the droid can be destroyed. Is this true? Also, are there any other, alternative ways to the Mustafar quest, which should be noted in the BtS? And, should you add the links to the Trials of Obi-Wan? Kreivi Wolter 11:21, January 21, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Is there a succession box for "owners of HK-47"? I think there were at least 7 and it would be useful to have. This isn't an objection but could you look into it? Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * Not objection-worthy, but aren't there any other pictures of HK? 'Cause right now there are only images of him standing still, and I would like to see him shooting stuff :P QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)

Aeron Azzameen

 * Nominated by: 15:32, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said millions of times in IRC.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Awesome, Emon should be next. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 23:44, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work, Jorrel. This has come a long way. Definitely worth the read. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:02, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Kreivi Wolter 14:53, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:17, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Now that I've multimediaed the hell out of it, replaced all the 256-color images with PNGs, hit it with AWB, and read it twice in the process... --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 19:46, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:55, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Working on a lead quote.  16:08, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Xicer
 * 3) * Your pronunciation guide currently pronounces Ace instead of Aeron.
 * 4) **Didn't even notice. Guess I should've checked that when I grabbed it from Ace's article.
 * 5) * Aeron should be listed as female in the infobox.
 * 6) **Are we abso- nevermind. There are too many people that would affect if it were brought into question. Added.
 * 7) * "On the way back to their home, however, the two Azzameens were intercepted by a quick attack on Harlequin Station by the Enkidu, a Pursuer-class enforcement ship, and an accompaniment flying under the Viraxo flag." Context needed on the Viraxo.
 * 8) **Contextified.
 * 9) * "The first of these taskgroups contained Antan piloting his Action IV transport Big Score and Emon piloting the Andrasta," Context needed on the Andrasta (just mention that it's a Firespray-31-class patrol and attack craft).
 * 10) **Squeezed in there.
 * 11) * "Once Storm Unit secured the station, Aeron and MK-09 were called in to assist in combing the main computer core." Context needed on Storm Unit.
 * 12) **Contextified and reworded to fit.
 * 13) * "Both Aeron and Garn's were cryptic concerning their relationship beyond friendship." Looks like there's a word missing here.
 * 14) **Not a word missing, but a missed possessive.
 * 15) *Very nicely written. Makes me want to play the game again. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 18:07, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **You should. It is your destiny. 21:52, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) Pasta bowl!
 * 18) * Check the tense, please. Use of "would" is a conditional mood in the present tense. Unless it is IU speculation, please reword those instances.
 * 19) **You learn something new every day. Changed every offending instance of "would".
 * 20) * More later. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:29, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **I eagerly anticipate further trashing. 04:52, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Haha. No trash, just good ol' fashioned pasta. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 12:30, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "When Tomaas decided that it was time the youngest Azzameen, Ace, was to learn to fly so he could also assist in the family trade around 3 ABY, the responsibility to train the new recruit fell upon Aeron." This needs to be reworded and possibly broken apart. It borders on a run-on and does not read as well as the preceding text.
 * 24) **Broken up and reworded.
 * 25) * "For her first training session, Aeron told Ace, who flew with the family MK-series maintenance droid MK-09&hellip;" Did Aeron assign the droid to fly with Ace or did it just happen that way?
 * 26) **It looks like it just happened that way, though it's probably because Ace and Emkay always worked together.
 * 27) * "Both groups&hellip;" Who is in Aeron's group?
 * 28) **No one. Fixed wording.
 * 29) * "On the way back to their home, however, the two Azzameens were intercepted when a quick attack was launched on Harlequin Station by the Enkidu, a Pursuer-class enforcement ship." I could be wrong, but I thought it was before they left the station. Also, is there a link for the attack? I am not sure it deserves an article, but I was curious since I could not find one.
 * 30) **You are correct. Also, I can't find a link either. Should I make one?
 * 31) ***That would be your choice. I am neither sure it is notable enough nor bold enough to forcibly require it in order for this nom to pass; I leave that to you and other well-learned members of the community to decide. My preference is no, however, not in this particular case. Take that as you will. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * The last paragraph of Training an Azzameen seems disjunctive. The prior paragraph concludes with some type of victory, having chased the Viraxo-allied assailants away; then, the new paragraph begins with security systems. That is fine. The problem arises with the next portion. What are the family cargo fields? Are they back at Azzameen Station or at Harlequin Station? Where did the raiders come from? I thought they were all driven away (based upon the prior paragraph). Then, after the discovery of spice, they drive the Enkinu away again? Something chronologically is missing.
 * 33) **Clarified and expanded a lot. I was missing a few details, but they're in there now.
 * 34) * In Dealing with the Viraxo we are suddenly introduced to Emon? Who is Emon? There are no links for him either here or in the introduction as well. He needs context to be suddenly dropped in.
 * 35) **Emon appropriately introduced and contexted.
 * 36) *More coming. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 12:30, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Your INQCONing is appreciated :D 14:09, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "Unfortunately for the Azzameens, forces once again conspired to act against them." Whose forces?
 * 39) **The Forces of Generalization. Reworded awkward phrase.
 * 40) ***I had to fix the tense of this, so it is noted. Please be careful of uses of "would." &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * "Aeron's group was tasked&hellip;" This needs to be clearly mentioned as the second group if it is so.
 * 42) **I think I fixed this? I'm not actually sure what you meant, so check and see if I was able to figure it out.
 * 43) * "The two rendezvoused at Azzameen Home Base&hellip;" "Rendezvoused" is not really a word; rendez-vous or rendezvous'' is, but both are a noun referring to a point of meeting.
 * 44) **Didn't think so. Reworded to keep the word but use it correctly.
 * 45) * I also would introduce the craft (first paragraph in 1.3) as the groups are introduced rather than after the fact.
 * 46) **I'm confused about this one. Do you mean to move the ships' names before their respective pilots, or something else?
 * 47) ***This kind of got ironed out in the process. No worries here. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "The offending starfighters were soon dispatched..." dispatched needs to be followed by the preposition "with" to be factually accurate. Of course, that clause can't end with "with" so it needs to be reworded. Try something other than "dispatched with."
 * 49) **Reordered slightly.
 * 50) * "&hellip;their uncle didn't&hellip;" I know this falls under, but&hellip; contraction!
 * 51) **Fixed.
 * 52) * "The short discussion was made even shorter&hellip;" This is an awkward idiom. It does not sound encyclopedic.
 * 53) **Fixed.
 * 54) * "Faced with nearly no options&hellip;" POV.
 * 55) **Changed completely.
 * 56) ***Oooh, I like this much better! &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * "&hellip;where they resided for the time being." The idiom "time being" seems awkward to me in this context. Could something else be used?
 * 58) **Yes. Specified what "time being" was.
 * 59) *More later. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) **Continued thanks. 17:15, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * "Successful, Ace returned&hellip;" Three things: this section is beginning to feel more like it belongs in the Ace article than Aeron's. Is there any way to expand upon Aeron's involvement and tone down Ace's? Secondly, what was successful? Was Antan liberated? Any details that could briefly be thrown into the sentence. Lastly, if Ace is mentioned as returning, what about Emon?
 * 62) **That part really did feel Ace-ish. I removed the latter portion completely and simplified both Emon and Ace's involvement in the matter. The only thing Aeron was responsible for was the discovery.
 * 63) * "Aeron's slicing efforts again proved fruitful for the Azzameen family." With? The context should be alluded to in this sentence with detailed extrapolation following.
 * 64) **Reworded and tweaked.
 * 65) * "before meeting Aeron in the Sabra&hellip;" Because this is Aeron's article and not about Ace, I suggest moving this information up so that it shows she did something during this time rather than dropping in the clause so suddenly. Also, expand on what she did as much as possible. Right now it seems like "Ace, Ace, Ace, and oh yeah, Aeron." Then, "Ace, Aeron, Ace, Ace."
 * 66) **Technically, that is how the game plays out, so it's very difficult to extrapolate what exactly goes on from her side of things. I've added a bit of context for her, though.
 * 67) ***I understand what you mean, but you did a good job straightening it out here. It is much more logical from a chronological perspective. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "Aeron's absences&hellip;" Was she expected somewhere or to be with someone?
 * 69) **Changed to "lack of communication" because it's more accurate.
 * 70) *** I see that it is gone now. Is it irrelevant? I was unsure how it fit earlier, but if it is relevant information it should be included. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ****I ended up removing it because, if it were to remain in, it'd be a one sentence paragraph (there really isn't a place to fit it). It's also only slightly relevant to the situation as a whole. While it does show the whole "Olin's worried about Aeron" theme... that's pretty much all it does. I did add it back in, reworded a bit. If it looks better/more complete like that, I'll keep it in there, but if it really feels out-of-place it's going to have to go, as the current revision is the best I can come up with.
 * 72) * "Around the same time, Ace transferred&hellip;" What does this have to do with Aeron or the article? Again, it seems much more about Ace than anything else. Adding information about other Azzameens to fill holes in the chronology should not be a primary fall back, if that is the intent. A couple of times might be fine, but this seems to be a pattern in this section. I do suggest going through this section again (1.4) and tweaking it so it is less about "Ace" and a touch more balanced.
 * 73) **I ended up trashing the last paragraph completely because an introduction to Ace's transfer fits elsewhere and the other was only slightly relevant. Also cleaned up some "Ace did this" and "Ace did that". There may be more that I'll cull later.
 * 74) *** My only curiosity is what is posted one higher. What about Aeron having a lack of communication? See above.
 * 75) ****See above.
 * 76) * "&hellip;inspecting each for easier identification by the incoming freighters." This does not make sense to me. Can this be reworded?
 * 77) **Reworded a lot.
 * 78) *** One quickie about the subsequent statements that have been made after this little section. "Once the entire group arrived, the Rebel fleet arrived&hellip;" Could this be varied a touch?
 * 79) ****Varied appropriately.
 * 80) * "Once there, Ace defeated several Alpha-class Xg-1 Star Wings, a Beta-class ETR-3 escort transport Minelayer laying mines, and the mines themselves, while inspecting satellites suitable for a listening device." Again, what about Aeron? Also, was the Minelayer placing mines and inspecting satellites or Ace? Clarification needed.
 * 81) **Cleaned up quite a bit.
 * 82) * "Eventually he settled for one&hellip;" Settled for what? Also, "settled for" provides the implication that he wanted another whatever-it-was but only got that 'thing.'
 * 83) **Removed wording altogether and fixed it up quite a bit.
 * 84) * "This forced Ace and Emkay into action, protecting Aeron and the satellite from attack." Was she spotted? Was she attacked? It is quite vague here. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) **Fixed.
 * 86) * "Eventually Aeron finished her work&hellip;" What was her work on this task? That is more important than the information about Ace.
 * 87) **Specified while tweaking the amount of Ace.
 * 88) *More later. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) **Continued continued thanks. 17:37, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) ***No problem. I will get to the next section shortly. In the mean time a couple residual things are above. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ****Hopefully cleaned up the residue. 18:03, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * Sorry for the delay. RL made it difficult to get online. One thing about the statement "Still working off the grid&hellip;": This seems, to me at least, more relevant in the relationship section when addressing Garn. Sitting there by itself seems slightly out of place, although relevant chronologically. This is what I suggest: If possible, make allusion to it in the main body paragraphs so that a placement can still be pointed to. Then, have the details of this in the relationship section. Admittedly, I have not reached that point of the article, so it might be there; but, it seems more relevant to describing the dynamics of their friendship than anything else. Just something to consider. Now onto other stuff&hellip;
 * 93) **Though the relationship section doesn't deal with this specific email, it's made clear that Olin sent a lot to Ace to keep an eye on Aeron. As such, I've now removed it (again).
 * 94) ***Fair enough. I'll leave the discussion of the relationship for the host section when I arrive at that point. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * "While on his personal mission&hellip;" This sentence has a lot of commas and is disjunctive. First off, try to clean up the clauses so they flow better. Next, were the emails showing an increased frustration or did each passing email show more and more frustration as a progression?
 * 96) **Cleaned up and made clearer.
 * 97) * "Aeron noted another&hellip;" This almost appears out of the blue. Could it be tied into the preceding paragraph better?
 * 98) **Contextified some. Hopefully flows a bit better.
 * 99) * "&hellip;she contacted Ace due to Emon's mission." Due to the mission? What mission?
 * 100) **Changed.
 * 101) * "The convoy that Aeron expected to arrive later appeared in the system early, bringing with it an escort." This also seems plopped in without a context or lead-in. Could it be foreshadowed prior by indicating her expectation or something such as this? Otherwise it reads like a game-guide.
 * 102) **Attempted some foreshadowing. If it's not enough, let me know.
 * 103) ***To be honest, I was hoping to see the expectation listed earlier with the planning phase, but this wording is better than before. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "After ignoring the message, he called his older sister, who agreed with his decision." The paragraph that contains this statement is only two sentences and should be consolidated into another. Also, I'm not quite sure what is going on in this sentence. Who is the inferred "he" in "his decision?" Also, what was the decision?
 * 105) **Cleaned up an integrated into proceeding statement.
 * 106) * The second paragraph of "Homecoming" seems to have nothing to do with Aeron. Is this information necessary? If it is, for contextual purposes, I think it should be condensed and how it effected Aeron included directly with it.
 * 107) **Culled a lot. Features more context and less filler, and is now hopefully a tad more fitting.
 * 108) * Sorry to say this, but by the end of the third paragraph I am confused as to what is going on. I apologize for this, but I am not certain. See what you can do while working in the area. I'll readdress this part when the surrounding text is sifted if necessary. I'm sure that will help.
 * 109) **Sifted, culled, extracted, cleaned up, modified, and a whole lot more done.
 * 110) *More later. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:40, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) **Many thanks. I know it's not the most polished piece of work, but I appreciate the time and effort you're putting in to it. 02:21, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ***No problem, Jorrel. Thanks for the patience to work with all of this. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * Next round: "Determined to get the coordinates for the base&hellip;" So, did they jump to hyperspace or not?
 * 114) **Do you mean on the return trip to the cargo station or the trip to Azzameen Home Base? I took care of the first situation in the last sentence of the preceding paragraph ("Ace deftly avoided the blasts and advancing TIE fighters and, as soon as new hyperspace coordinates were plotted, returned to the cargo station.") I've expanded a bit, though, in the rewrite of the paragraph mentioned on your next point.
 * 115) * "Displeased with the Otana ' s efforts&hellip;" What efforts? Context? How does this relate to Aeron?
 * 116) **Aeron is in the Otana, which Ace is piloting. At this point, the Otana is docking with the cargo station, so in return the station sends the IRD fighters to fight the Otana. I've inserted a little context on what the Otana was doing to anger the station's security.
 * 117) * "The IRD Fighters were unsuccessful&hellip;" This sentence also does not fit. In reality, this paragraph is still too disjunctive to follow.
 * 118) ** I ended up splitting the paragraph and completely rewriting it. Hopefully this new way is less confusing
 * 119) * The very next sentence uses as "however" as well. Plus, the context of who the mercenary group is needs a splash of context. I think this tells me a little more, but I am still a touch confused since it has read rather choppily to this point in this paragraph.
 * 120) **Done in the rewrite. It's the same merc group that was mentioned in the first paragraph of this section.
 * 121) * "&hellip;with the exception of the Otana." This does not quite make sense. Why would the Otana be aboard the Liberty?
 * 122) **The Otana has been on the Liberty (well, it was on the Defiance first, but Ace and the Otana were transferred) since Ace became a part of the Rebellion. The connection is made because Ace's "room" has been shown to be aboard the Otana, and after the mission you are still able to visit the room. That being said, I've removed the sentence completely since it's borderline OR.
 * 123) * I admit that it is definitely not paramount to the article, but the ending leaves the outcome of Antan's betrayal hanging. Is this deliberate? Was the information ever revealed?
 * 124) **It was not revealed. Immediately after that mission is the 4-part Battle of Endor mission, and the Endor missions finish the game. It's never been elaborated on in 10 years either (big surprise 9_9), so the hanging questions continue to hang.
 * 125) * "Garn was slightly more open in revealing his feelings toward the female Azzameen." Which was&hellip;?
 * 126) **Added.
 * 127) *That's it. Mostly, it is just that section of "Homecoming." &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) **Thank you very much. I hope I cleaned up that one paragraph enough for it to read better. 18:12, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 130) * Bajic Shipyards in the intro seems like it should link to something. Since I don't recall it being called anything other than Vergesso Base, I didn't do it myself. Should Bajic Shipyards redirect to that?
 * 131) **In-game, it was merely Vergesso Base. Pipelinking added.
 * 132) * Dealing with the Viraxo: Galin needs context and a link.
 * 133) **Added sentence at the beginning of the paragraph with link and small description.
 * 134) * Family reunion: "Aeron convinced a skeptical Emon to follow through with the plan&hellip;" You haven't mentioned that there's a plan yet.
 * 135) **Added plan.
 * 136) *Not exactly an objection but Aeron clearly needs at least one audio quote. :P Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:16, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 137) **Yes, she does. Unfortunately I don't have a copy of the game on me (just moved, etc.) so it'll be some time before I get that all set up. There will be one, though. 09:36, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) ***One? How about nine?! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 15:03, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 139) ****You, sir, are a crazed madman. I appreciate your insanity. 01:39, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Droma

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 03:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I do have a few questions that I hope you can help me out with:
 * Biography: Since it falls entirely within the sub-heading "Yuuzhan Vong War", should I just jettison said sub-heading entirely?
 * Sourcing: The thread at the JC forums with Kathy Tyers that I've sourced thrice appears as three separate sources. I do not know how to make it into one with a 10.0, 10.1, and a 10.2. Is it possible to do this with external links?
 * Scratch that, it's actually three different pages within the thread that are being linked to.
 * Powers and abilities: I didn't think it was necessary to add this section, as I have covered his talents within "Personality and traits". Let me know if I should split p & t up and include a p & a section.
 * Voice only: I included this next to The Final Prophecy in the appearances section, but I'm not sure if it's the proper disclaimer to use when a character only appears via comlink.
 * quotes: Is the article OK without any quotes? I have the one at the beginning, and I think that the article works better without any more. Let me know if you want me to add any.
 * Thanks so much! Now, have at me.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 02:34, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:38, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 07:58, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Jedi Council takes a quick glance:
 * 2) * Everything in the infobox needs to be referenced.
 * 3) * The "fate unknown" stuff at the end of the bio is a big no-no and needs to go.
 * 4) * As far as your first point above regarding the headings, yes, I would suggest eliminating the Yuuzhan Vong War heading.
 * 5) *I may give it a full review later. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:46, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Thanks so much for the advice. I have addressed all three points. Menkooroo 16:52, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***I apologize for butting in, but I feel I should let you know that you should never strike another person's objections. That person will strike their own objections when they feel that they have been adequately addressed. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 17:16, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ****Ah, wasn't aware. Thanks. Menkooroo 21:07, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *****I've struck them now. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:14, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Xicer
 * 11) * In the intro, context is needed for Han Solo. Also, who was attacking the Jubilee Wheel with the dread weapon?
 * 12) * First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) and Battle of Esfandia should be linked somewhere in the intro.
 * 13) * Context needed on Jubilee Wheel.
 * 14) * Context needed on the Yuuzhan Vong.
 * 15) * "He was part of a Caravan of Ryn ships heading from the Corporate Sector to the Plooriod Cluster when the Yuuzhan Vong entered the Ottega system and attacked Ithor. The Ryn were scattered, and Droma and several others ended up refugees aboard the Jubilee Wheel." Battle of Ithor (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked somewhere in here. Also, how were the Ryn scattered?
 * 16) * Context needed for Han in the body as well.
 * 17) * Context needed on the Peace Brigade.
 * 18) * Why did Droma want to go to Ralltiir?
 * 19) * Context needed on the Millennium Falcon.
 * 20) * Context needed on SELCORE.
 * 21) * First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked in the proper section in the body.
 * 22) * You seem to use "Ryn Network" and "Ryn network" interchangeably. Please choose one or the other.
 * 23) *Other than that, pretty good. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks so much for the thorough critique! I believe I've addressed everything there. Let me know if Han Solo needs any more context --- I think I have enough without going into detail of his and Roa's initial plan, but I don't think that that initial plan is relevant to Droma. With that said, you were right in that I didn't really have any context at all, so I've added a bit into both the intro and the body. And sorry about the redirects, too. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***I'd like to see it mentioned who exactly Han Solo is. Same goes for the Vong, at least mention that they're a group of extragalactic aliens. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 00:33, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Done. The Vong are referred to as an extragalactic race of religious zealots (a term taken right from their own article) in the body. In the intro, I've called Han "the famous pilot and ex-smuggler", and in the body, "the famous pilot and hero of the Rebellion". Menkooroo 02:20, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Why do you not have quotes? Do you just dislike them? I'm going to have to insist that you add one in for every subsection. It's unofficial policy, basically, and IMO, makes the article look better.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *Quotes have been added to every subsection of "Biography", "Personality and traits", and "Behind the scenes". Menkooroo 00:41, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Attack of the Clone
 * 30) *Please note that Ref tags are always used for infobox references to standardize the sizes. I've fixed this for you, but please keep it in mind for all future articles.
 * 31) *While some of these objections I would normally just fix myself to avoid taking up time under the unofficial clause, I feel that you would better learn from them by fixing them yourself. Some objections may just be notes that I feel you would benefit from, but they are still important to keep in mind.
 * 32) **I actually really appreciate this. I've learned a lot since writing this back in August, but admittedly, I've still a ways to go.
 * 33) * "Solo had been aboard with his friend Roa, who had been swallowed by the dread weapon; the unfortunate incident led to Solo becoming an unlikely ally of Droma in the ensuing chaos." Borderlines WP:NPOV here; also, please check the amount of detail in here with its location in the intro. Introductions should only contain what is absolutely necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the article's subject. That doesn't mean that the intro should only be a few sentences, but I'd recommend running a quick check yourself to make sure that the intro complies with these terms.
 * 34) **Jettisoned the sentence entirely. I think it looks much better now. Check it out.
 * 35) * Please get his species and gender in the body; it's info exclusive to the intro and infobox otherwise, which doesn't make much sense.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * For the image captioning issue (which I'm unsure if you're clear on): yes, this CT is a policy, and quoting directly from it: "punctuation of image captions is to be determined by whether a complete sentence is used." Please clarify your lack of caption punctuation in the article.
 * 38) **I think I finally understand this policy now. :^) Please check it out.
 * 39) * Please see if you can get the context in sentences such as "An injured Showolter bid Solo to hide Elan and Vergere, defectors from the Yuuzhan Vong. Showolter had been attacked by Vong agents whom he believed to be searching for them." into one sentence instead of creating another sentence for the context. As long as the merging doesn't create run-ons, it's better to avoid dropping details that borderline the level of relevance to the article's subject when not directly linked back to Droma himself.
 * 40) **Merged into one sentence. Thanks for the tip; I went through and did the same in a few other instances in the rest of the article.
 * 41) * "Droma was surprised to hear Solo's real name, but would claim that he likely hadn't heard of him before." Check your tense here, as it makes the chronology of events uncertain.
 * 42) **Take a look at it now.
 * 43) * "announcements were made over the ship's loudspeakers that the bridge was being assaulted by unknown raiders": even if it comes from IU sources, we generally tend to avoid using "unknown"s as much as possible so as to maintain an IU perspective; just because we don't know what the "unknown" is doesn't mean that IU characters don't know it, which is what it otherwise implies.
 * 44) **Sentence changed.
 * 45) * "Hoping to get rid of Solo, he bid him step into a drop shaft, which Solo survived by grabbing hold of Droma's tail." Coming out of a previous sentence with multiple masculine characters, who is "he" supposed to be referring to?
 * 46) **Sentence changed.
 * 47) * "However, in the midst of a battle, they found the shuttle drifting dead in space." Which "shuttle" are you referring to?
 * 48) **Sentence changed.
 * 49) * Who's the Fosh? I would recommend trying to leave species out as an option for alternate pronouns, as it often gets confusing. If you need to, you can simply use "Vergere" twice here; it's not entirely bad to use the same word twice in quick succession.
 * 50) **Sentence changed.
 * 51) *I'll stop here for now and give you the opportunity to check for and fix these issues in the rest of the article before I continue. Some other things that you should look for are underlinking and linking to redirects, both of which I've been fixing as I go but have noticed to be a slight issue.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) **Thanks so much for the thorough review. I've gone through the rest of the article as well and made some changes based on your suggestions, and as far as I know, there isn't any underlinking or redirecting. Let me know if I'm mistaken. Menkooroo 07:09, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) * "However, a power converter damaged in the firefight meant that they didn't have enough power to make it to Nar Shaddaa." If you can reword this without using "meant" and treating it almost like a definition of sorts, please do so.
 * 54) **Changed "meant" to "ensured".
 * 55) ***Now it sounds like the damage was intentionally inflicted. Changing it to something like "However, a power converter that had been damaged in the firefight left the ship without enough power to get to Nar Shaddaa" might work better here.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) ****Done.
 * 57) * "using passcodes from Solo's smuggling days that Droma claimed they had received from Shug Ninx on Nar Shaddaa": please check this; the subjects and verbs aren't really matching up here.
 * 58) **Reworded the series of sentences entirely. Take a look; I like it better now.
 * 59) * Please check your usage of "taken up" and clarify it; it doesn't appear to be a common idiom. Please also check your wording "pulled a blaster on Bow"; it's both colloquial and unclear.
 * 60) **Changed "taken up" to "joined", and "pulled" to "drew"
 * 61) *I'd recommend to continue to watch your linking; if you're in doubt if a subject has an article here, it's very easy to check for it. I'll continue with "Duro" as soon as I can, although the next few weeks are going to be a bit unkind to me.  CC7567  (talk) 06:35, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) **I read through the entire article, and added the following links: orbit, star cluster, warrior caste, entry ramp, realspace, species, cockpit, suicide, insect, capital, technician, slavery, First Mate, mercenary, weather control, transponder code, Duros High House, cantina, Jedi Knight, Esfandia Long-Range Communications Base, deflector shield, orbital bombardment, death, telekinesis, spacer, language, chitin, August. I also fixed two redirects that had gotten by me before. Menkooroo 13:00, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) * Which "Plooriod Cluster" are you referring to? There are two in the disambig article that you linked to.
 * 64) **Thanks for the notice. I checked his NEGTC entry, and it's the Lesser. Link corrected. Menkooroo 05:12, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) * "Droma and Jacen were aiding Solo in his efforts": check your tense here; it makes it sound like they joined Han at the same time instead of detailing Droma's "entrance" into contributing to the Solos' efforts.
 * 66) **Check it out now.
 * 67) ***"and Droma had later joined the Solos in their efforts": the tense is still flimsy here; you jump from saying that Droma "joined Solo and his son" to saying that he "later joined" them. Perhaps "was joining" in the second sentence might be better.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Still remains; not sure if you've seen this objection or not.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) *****Wow, I totally missed this one. I've changed it to "was aiding". Menkooroo 07:59, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) * "only to discover that it had been overrun by Fefze beetles": please clarify what "it" is supposed to refer to.
 * 71) **Changed "it" to "the settlement".
 * 72) * Context on Pride of Selonia, as well as which "Pride of Selonia" you're referring to.
 * 73) **Contextified, and redirect fixed. I didn't realize there were two.
 * 74) * "Solo was summoned by Droma while playing a game of sabacc at the Thorny Toe, and was interrogated by the Ryn, who remained hidden and spoke to Solo over speakers, not revealing his identity. A frustrated Solo prepared to leave Onadax, only to find Droma banging on the side of the Falcon and demanding to be let in. Surprised, Solo let his friend onboard before departing the planet." Could you try to rewrite this from Droma's perspective? It seems a little disoriented right now.
 * 75) **I think it's bettah now. Let me know what you think.
 * 76) * "Aboard the Falcon, Droma told Han, Leia, and Jedi Knight Jaina Solo that he had applied to be a part of the Ryn Network but had been rejected." "He" who? Please clarify this.
 * 77) **Changed the sentences around.
 * 78) * "Solo pledged them": who's them?
 * 79) **Clarified!
 * 80) * "it soon became apparent to the Falcon crew that they couldn't go anywhere": please rephrase to make the subject and pronouns match up better.
 * 81) **I think it's better now...
 * 82) * "Eniknar would later assuage any suspicions by sacrificing her life": please clarify how this is relevant and phrase it more clearly.
 * 83) **It probably wasn't relevant. I jettisoned it.
 * 84) * What are these "Tsik-Serus" of which you speak?
 * 85) **Changed it to "armed vehicles", but kept it linked to Tsik-Seru.
 * 86) * Please be consistent with your inconsistent usage of both "co-pilot" and "copilot."
 * 87) **I've settled on co-pilot.
 * 88) * "but later informed Solo of Droma's true role in the organization": how is this directly relevant to Droma at its current placement?
 * 89) **You're right. Removed some info and switched around the order of some sentences. Take a look.
 * 90) * "A short time later, while on Mon Calamari, Solo was commed by a member of the Ryn Network whom he believed to be Droma. The Ryn warned him of small, unpiloted drones that the Yuuzhan Vong had been developing. Although he didn't know what their function was, he did know that the Vong were excited about them, and suspected that they were dangerous. Before Solo could glean any more information, he found his comm unit dead." How is this relevant to Droma if it's not confirmed to be him? If it's unverified, the possible appearance should be outlined in the Bts, not the canon Bio.
 * 91) **I'm actually going to disagree with you there. The text of The Final Prophecy sees Solo recognize Droma's voice, and ask "Droma, is that you?" Although he doesn't get a straight answer, I believe the text directly refers to the speaker as "Droma" at least once. Unless there's a precedent on Wookieepedia for a situation like this that you can point me toward, I feel like this info should be in the bio. I see it as analogous to Anakin's possible Force-ghost in Traitor --- unconfirmed to be him, but it should still be in the bio. In fact, it was in the bio when Anakin's article was an FA.
 * 92) ***To be honest, an article's previous stint as an FA is no guarantee that it's now considered perfect or in compliance with all current policies&mdash;as Skywalker isn't an FA anymore, even less so. FA standards here have changed a lot since then. The book's exact wording really needs to be verified and the article adjusted, because the speculative wording remains in the Bio and leaves room for misinterpretation while the Appearances section still list it as a possible appearance. If it's a confirmed appearance and is detailed in the Bio, the Pos doesn't belong there, and vice versa if it's unconfirmed. If he's not directly verified to have appeared, I'm sorry, but speculation still does not belong in the canon section of articles and least of all in FA candidates.  CC7567  (talk) 05:25, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) ****Totally see what you're saying. Truthfully, I was the one who changed TFP to a "possible appearance", which was early in my project and before I had actually looked through the book... prior to that, it was listed as a definite appearance --- similarly, the article on TFP lists Droma as definitely appearing in it. If I jettisoned the "Possible Appearance", and removed speculative wording from the bio, what would you say? I know that FA Standards have changed a lot, but if Anakin were to be re-FA'd, I really feel like the Traitor bit would still be in the bio. But eh, that's just adding more speculation into the pot. :^P Menkooroo 05:33, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) *****While yes, the speculation still needs to be ousted, I'm not sure what you're interpreting from the text versus what is confirmed, as you currently sound like you don't have access to the book and haven't read it in a while. Without the book myself, I can't verify what the exact wording is, so I'm currently going off of your word on what the book says&mdash;as long as you can obtain that yourself. As I want you to be certain that the article no longer contains speculation, please check the book yourself (or ask someone who has it) to determine the facts and then clarify what's speculation and what isn't; from my own experience, neither memory nor others' interpretations in other articles are completely reliable. Only once you're certain of the facts and once the article has been adjusted accordingly can this matter be resolved.  CC7567  (talk) 06:44, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ******Yup, that's what I was planning to do --- check with someone who does have access to the book. Will report back. Menkooroo 07:15, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ******Yo! I checked with two different people, and I have confirmation that the text explicitly refers to the speaker as Droma. "Droma said" is specifically used. I've reworded the paragraph in question accordingly. Thanks again for all of your editing, and if you find anything else, definitely let me know. Cheers! Menkooroo 07:22, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) *******The perspective shift is still inappropriate here; please try to rewrite it as much as possible from Droma's point of view.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) ********You're right. Changed up. Menkooroo 04:45, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) * "Perhaps owing to his species' nomadic nature": please clarify the speculative wording.
 * 100) **Took it out entirely.
 * 101) * "It was Droma's partnership and empathy that helped Solo realize he couldn't run away from his loved ones or from his loss." Can you link this better to Droma himself? It sounds like it would belong in Solo's P&T otherwise.
 * 102) **Capping off a paragraph that focuses on Droma's relationship with Solo, I don't see how it doesn't fit --- it seems like it could be in either one of their P&t sections.
 * 103) * Please clarify the relevancy of the speculation on his namesake.
 * 104) **Well, I've done that by mentioning that Luceno based the Ryn off of Earth's Romany people. Unless you're talking about the Irish-Gaelic words --- if those are extraneous, I'll gladly remove them. I will, though, point to a precedent of an FA with speculation on name origins.
 * 105) **Unless you're wondering how "Droma" can come from "Drom"... I can link to the Droma Gypsy music festival, which derives its name from its venue, a bar called "Drom", if you want.
 * 106) ***Bypassing Jaina Solo (whose FA status is not really the most stable right now), I still don't believe that speculation in any form is appropriate to the article. Articles aren't for linking something to every single possible connection; that goes against only dealing with canon and confirmed facts&mdash;the latter of which is what Wookieepedia is for.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) ****Oh, I totally agree about Jaina's FA status. I've jettisoned the Irish-Gaelic stuff, and, with a bit more research, edited the Romany bit to be speculation-free. Even if it's not 100% confirmed that Droma was named for the Romany word "Droma", I'd say it's still a curious enough coincidence to warrant a mention. And besides, I've worded it so that only facts are presented. :^D
 * 108) *Other than that, that's all I have for now. I'll try to go through the article once more with you once you've fixed these, but a very good job for a first nomination nonetheless.  CC7567  (talk) 01:47, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) **Thanks so much for the thorough review and the kind words. And for the copyedits, too, although admittedly, some of what you changed seemed to be based on personal style rather than article quality. Much appreciated nonetheless. Menkooroo 05:11, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) * "Solo and Droma took the controls, leaving the station and entering a battlefield": where? How exactly did they get there? How close was it to the Wheel? Please give more context here if possible.
 * 111) * Why would the Erinnic chase off the Yuuzhan Vong weapon? (What were its allegiances?)
 * 112) * "with Solo stating that he did not hope to see the Ryn any time soon": specifically why?
 * 113) * Why was he traveling to Vortex?
 * 114) **It's the only place he can go with the meager amount of credits he has --- I've changed it to "with only enough credits to secure his passage as far as Vortex." Menkooroo 04:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) *Please note that the "Vong" abbreviation of "Yuuzhan Vong" isn't always factually correct. I've changed all I've found, but please make sure that all mentions are consistent for clarity.
 * 116) * "Desh realized who Elan and Vergere were before taking them into custody": "who" were they, then?
 * 117) * "However, in the midst of a battle": what battle? How did they get there?
 * 118) * "Droma took the controls again, but abandoned his post on a hunch and entered the rear hold, saving Solo's life in the process. Elan, actually a Yuuzhan Vong agent who had been assigned to poison and wipe out Luke Skywalker's Jedi Order, had battled Solo and committed suicide by swallowing her bo'tous poison, causing Solo to breathe some in. By opening the door to the rear hold, Droma gave Solo fresh air to breathe." The jumps in chronology make this a bit confusing; please try to make this smoother so that you don't have to shift back this much to give proper context of the situation.
 * 119) * Like the Erinnic, what are the Thurse allegiances? Why would it repel the YV warship? The context doesn't have to be extensive here but should be enough to avoid making it seem like ships just pop out of nowhere into the article's writing.
 * 120) *Right now, I think the main issue with the article is a slight lack of context; the events in the writing shift numerous times without enough clarity. Please fix these and look for these problems in the rest of the article before I continue with "Co-pilot of the Falcon" once more.  CC7567  (talk) 19:07, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **This whole FA thing is harder than I thought. :^D Thanks again for dedicating so much time and critique to this project. I believe I've addressed everything above. I've also searched for missing context and corrected it throughout the rest of the article; I'll hopefully now know how to better write FAN's in the future, and save Inquisitors time accordingly. Menkooroo 04:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * "As they prepared to depart the latter world for Sriluur": is it known why they were going to Sriluur?
 * 123) **Nah, the text doesn't say. They're probably following some clues, but it doesn't say for sure.
 * 124) * "Droma was forced into labor at a product enhancement facility, but was soon rescued by Solo, who was executing a plan hatched by Baffle." What was Baffle's plan? Is it even relevant?
 * 125) **It's relevant 'cause the text later mentions that Solo is doing a favor for Baffle as part of the plan. The plan involves rescuing Droma and reactivating the droids, both of which are explained as they happen later in the paragraph --- I think it's better that way, rather than mentioning those facts before they happen.
 * 126) ***I understand why the favor is relevant but do not understand why the plan is; Baffle helped Solo because of the favor he did him, not the plan that he executed. The article right now does not give any indication of what the plan was other than Solo's rescue of Droma, and even that is not directly verified. You can still say that Solo did Baffle a favor and Baffle in turn helped him and Droma without mentioning the plan.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 127) ****Mention of the plan jettisoned.
 * 128) * "Solo later told his wife that he figured he and Droma were about even, and asked her to locate a planet for the refugees where the Ryn wouldn't be treated like riffraff." How is this relevant to Droma? Please try to reword this.
 * 129) * "Although Solo was the official administrator, he admitted that Droma, along with the Ryn Mezza and Romany, had thought through most of the administration." Can this be reworded to better focus on Droma's own actions?
 * 130) * "Realizing that they were attracted to sources of light, Droma told Jacen to throw his lightsaber at the swarm. The two then left the settlement and returned to Gateway." Well, did Droma's idea work? The storyline doesn't seem to match up very well.
 * 131) * "Solo then boarded the Millenium Falcon and escorted the hauler, flown by Droma, through a raging space battle above the planet and to a jump point outside of Duros's orbit." Again, please rewrite this to focus more on Droma himself.
 * 132) * "He told the Solos that he had applied to be a part of the Ryn Network but had been rejected." Was he telling the truth or lying when he said so? Clarifying this might help make his exploits here clearer.
 * 133) * Did the Falcon land at all on Esfandia during its role in the battle there? It's a little unclear how Droma and the Solos appear to land and go with the Brrbrlpp, but it's never clarified.
 * 134) * "Ashpidar gave Droma and Leia a tour of the base, indicating that she believed a traitor to be in their midst." Did Ashpidar's tour itself "indicate" her suspicions of a traitor or did she indicate them during the tour? The current wording implies the former.
 * 135) * "but managed to bring an unconscious Jaina on Fel's speeder back to safety while Fel and Veila remained behind to cover his back": how did Jaina become unconscious? The context here shouldn't deter the flow of the writing but should be enough to help the reader understand the plot better.
 * 136) * Context on Chewbacca. Why did Solo have to overcome his loss of him?
 * 137) *Despite all of these little things that I've given you, the article nevertheless is very well-written and an admirable accomplishment for one's first FAN. Keep up the good work. On a different note, as I'm not that familiar with the source material, I'd recommend that you request someone more familiar with the NJO series to look at this as well to make sure that all the necessary detail is there. A possibility is, another Inq who is also very dedicated to the series; he can help you make sure that the article is clear as it can be with all the relevant info necessary. While I'm not sure what his current availability is on the Wook, it's worth inquiring to see if he can help you.  CC7567  (talk) 05:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) **Thanks for the kind words. I've addressed everything above; let me know if any of it could still be improved. Menkooroo 08:04, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 139) * "Droma believed that everyone lived for love, and would eat almost anything if it had the right spices." I don't see how this belief and this habit are at all related; linking the two seems ineffective at this point. Please try to reword.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 140) **Found a batter place for it! One paragraph up after a previous eating-related comment. Menkooroo 22:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just for future reference, "X-wing" is always spelled with a lowercase "w". Also, when linking please try to minimize the use of redirects. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * As for the "Powers and abilities" section, it is only used with Force-sensitive character articles. With all other characters, "Skills and abilities" is used instead, but general practice allows to cover the character's talents in "Personality and traits" too. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 21:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Awesome, thanks! Let me know if there are any problems with the Personality and traits section. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Boil

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:54, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More clones.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- Xd1358  Talk 13:41, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) (I now have 50 edits main)Sean Red 15:13, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * --Crumb 19:31, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 18:38, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:05, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 02:57, January 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Boil and Waxer: An ambiguously gay clone duo. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 14:40, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Passing stuff
 * 2) * Have you checked all sources, including Ultimate Battles (specifically for new info) as well as The Battle for Ryloth and all other possible young reader books for information and appearances?
 * 3) **See above.
 * 4) ***Addressed. Thanks to Jang for the info. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:05, November 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * The episode isn't a source for the dates in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 20:12, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:23, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Needs update for Landing at Point Rain, like Waxer. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:34, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 11:32, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Attack of the Clone
 * 10) * Why did Waxer and Boil remove their helmets?
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * Can you get his jibe about the "tail-heads" in somewhere? I'm sure it's relevant somehow.
 * 13) **Do you mean the biography, because there is already a sentence about it in the P&T?
 * 14) ***I was referring more to the P&T, as it doesn't specifically mention the discriminatory "tail-head" reference. (That's what I was getting after; it didn't sound like he was joking when he said that.) If it's appropriate, you can add it to the bio as well, but if not, then the P&T is fine.  CC7567  (talk) 18:34, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ****Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:49, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Please watch both your linking and your grammar. I've fixed all of the issues I caught, but they do tend to add up.  CC7567  (talk) 04:33, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Umm, yeah. I guess I wasn't paying much attention to Boil, since he was mostly written by me as a tie-in to Waxer. I'll try to be more careful in the future. Thanks for your copyedit and the review. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 12:50, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Pasta! Pas-tah!
 * 19) *"As Kenobi and Cody instructed their men&hellip;" This sentence reads awkwardly with the em dash clause in there. Please consolidate the clause into the main sentence and split it into two.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) *In the P&T, many sentences about Boil are sold as always happening rather than happening in what we know. For example, did he always have the propensity to use sarcasm? Was he always by the book? Please tweak these wordings. Later in the paragraph it is stated that "When he and Waxer were late from their scouting mission, Kenobi noted that these unpunctual actions were not like them." This is excellent and how it should be written earlier, because it states that someone noticed it at a specific time rather than being passed off as always being that way.
 * 22) **Tweaked.
 * 23) *In the P&T, also, the word "care" is used frequently. The one that seems the most awkward is referring to Waxer.
 * 24) **Not sure about frequently, as it was used only twice. Anyway, I got rid of the one referring to Waxer.
 * 25) *"On Ryloth, Boil wore Phase I clone trooper armor&hellip;" This is sourced to a TCW episode. What in the episode actually states that it is this type of armor or was this inferred by sight?
 * 26) **Yes, it was inferred by sight. Come to think of it, however, it does look kinda different from the traditional Phase I armor. So, yeah, fixed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 14:38, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:08, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) My biggest concern with this is that there are quite a few instances throughout where "Waxer and Boil" is used. Because this is supposed to be about Boil, you need to make certain that it is always told from his POV when possible. The "Waxer and Boil" is only one instance; you need to comb through the entire article and make sure others are corrected as well.  —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 19:44, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) *That was tough, because Waxer and Boil did almost anything together, but I've made some tweaking to make it read more from Boil's perspective. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 14:38, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Kidnap attempt on Serenno

 * Nominated by: —Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 00:26, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first FA, a long time in coming.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Not too bad for a first time. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 15:52, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job Malevolous, look forward to reviewing your next nom.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:52, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 18:43, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Are you sure the correct canonical name is "Duel on Serenno"? If not, then you must add the tag.
 * 3) **Done. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 13:34, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Intro-" attempted to kidnap and possibly assassinate former Supreme Chancellor Tarsus Valorum." "Possibly" is too colloquial and does add a bit of speculation.
 * 5) * "to sow seeds of confusion" I don't understand what you mean by this phrase. Please clarify this, as it might confuse other readers.
 * 6) **It's a fairly common phrase. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:30, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Ah, no problem.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:27, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "The Sith relied on Kelad'den's talent with words and her own prodding with the Force to convince the members of the organization to follow through with the plan she had persuaded the Twi'lek to suggest." What was this "plan"?
 * 9) * I realize that you mention about this "plan" before you said "The plan involved taking captive Supreme Chancellor-turned-diplomatic emissary Tarsus Valorum..." However, you must mention this earlier.
 * 10) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "Supreme Chancellor-turned-diplomatic emissary" Please find a way to simplify this phrase. Quite confusing.
 * 12) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "The members of the crew, that were to execute the strategy, laid out three days before were required to take the place of six of House Nalju's employees and to lay out explosives on the landing pad selected by the Great House." What do you mean by "laid out"? Also, "lay out" doesn't work here. Context on "Great House" as well.
 * 14) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "The duel" section has too many subsections. I suggest you remove both, because of the length of your paragraphs within the sections.
 * 16) **There is a precedent in FAs for subsections shorter than this on duel pages.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "After connecting to the Force, the Jedi quickly noticed that those ahead, that he had presumed to be members of House Nalju were armed, and that explosives were hidden under the landing platform." This sentence doesn't make sense. Due to the lack of proofreading, this is basically improper English. Please reread and rephrase. Who is "those ahead"? Also, please watch your usage of commas, I've been seeing a great deal of misuse throughout the article.
 * 18) **Yes, that sentence was wierd. I hope I've fixed the comma problem.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "The Jedi bodyguard called upon the Force to aid him, leapt, and caught the former Chancellor by his cape..." "leapt" is not a word.
 * 20) **This falls under the   clause, Jang. I've taken care of it but in the future, such changes are best made by an objector rather than being left as an objection. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 13:31, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **I would like to point out that leapt is, in fact a word (past tense of leap), but leaped is also past tense of leap.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 22:08, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Fwiw, they're both acceptable. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:30, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "...then hauled him up, almost simultaneously catching a blaster bolt on his Lightsaber" You cannot "catch" a blaster bolt with a lightsaber. A Jedi may deflect a bolt; however, cannot simply "catch" a laser bolt. If you did not actually mean "catching a blaster bolt on his Lightsaber," then this sentence is too-colloquial. By saying "almost simultaneously" can get too speculative and therefore has to be rephrased or removed completely.
 * 24) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * "Desertion was apparently not acceptable." What do you mean by this?
 * 26) **Addressed, I think.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "This encounter was used by author Drew Karpyshyn to eliminate new character Kelad'den, as well as to create a way for Zannah to meet Hetton and attempt to overthrow Bane." This isn't a proper BtS. A BtS simply mentions what source, in this case, the "Duel on Serenno" appeared in. You may also mention the author. I suggest that you take a look at other novel-related battle articles to get a general perspective of what is required in a BtS.
 * 28) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * Also, please watch your linking. This article suffers underlinking issues. Any new subject that appears and hasn't been linked before, must be properly linked.
 * 30) **I went through there and looked all over the site for articles in this that weren't linked, and what's there now is what I've found. Due to the fact that this is a duel, there probably won't be much more to add.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) **Can I take this to mean that you are still unsatisfied with the linking? Malevolous [[Image:Lemmet Tauk Symbol.png|20px]]( Contact Frequency ) 20:28, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Jang, I believe I fixed the rest of the linking issues in my copyedit. Malevolous, look here for the difference between your linking and the degree that there should be. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 15:52, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) *Not bad.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:32, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) Blacklist:
 * 35) * You need the FAnom tag.
 * 36) **This falls under the clause. I've taken care of it but in the future, such changes are best made by an objector rather than being left as an objection. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:30, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***Perhaps, and thank you for your assistance, but as a new nominator I wanted Darth Malevolous to see it for himself and adjust accordingly instead of someone just coming by and fixing it for him. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 18:21, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * I'm sure you can find some sort of lead quote for the article.
 * 39) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 23:29, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *** I don't think that quote is too relevant to the article as it is titled. Also, as I read the article, it reads more like its about the entire event (the assassination attempt & subsequent fight), not so much like its about the actual duel which is between Othone and Kel. You may want to either rework the article so it focuses more on the duel, or rename the article to reflect it as it is currently written. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 05:31, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Sorry, I'm not sure I follow. Which would you prefer? I, for one, would rather not rewrite the entire thing. Malevolous [[Image:Lemmet Tauk Symbol.png|20px]]( Contact Frequency ) 20:41, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ***** No, and I honestly wouldn’t expect you to. Because the article encompasses the whole event as opposed to focusing on the specific duel between Kel & Othone, something like “Assassination attempt on Serenno” or something to that effect would be more appropriate, IMO. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 20:56, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ******Makes sense, I'll do something like that. Also, once the name is changed, will the quote then fit? Malevolous [[Image:Lemmet Tauk Symbol.png|20px]]( Contact Frequency ) 20:30, November 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *******Yup, it works well now.
 * 45) * Last thing: the "Arrival & Twi'lek warrior" sections are a bit play by play. See if you can condense them slightly. Keep in mind that you don't have to go into too much detail about how Othone felt, what he felt he could do; just say what he did, what they did, etc. unless it is paramount that such details be given to explain how the events unfold. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 01:54, November 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **I changed a few things, but you probably want more. Could you be a bit more specific? For example, how much condensing do the sections need? Malevolous  [[Image:Lemmet Tauk Symbol.png|20px]]( Contact Frequency ) 22:52, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **Could you give an example of a section that demonstrates a summary that isn't play by play?Malevolous  [[Image:Lemmet Tauk Symbol.png|20px]]( Contact Frequency ) 19:25, December 31, 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *** Hey, sorry I took so long to respond. I've taken care of a bit of it for you, but statements like, "Othone realized that they were very adept" are unnecessary and considered fluff. "Othone could now push aggressively, and he did so, ending his adversary's life after he made a reckless move." Much of this sentence is unnecessary as well, and the end of it leaves a bit of confusion as to whether you are referring to Othone or his opponent. Just stick to the details of the actual fight; be detailed, but not overly descriptive. Go through these two sections & if you need more help let me know. I'll make it my priority to pay closer attention than I have been too ;) —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 02:50, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) **Addressed now. I feel like I've been trying to rely on others to explain things too much. I probably could have figured out what you wanted. Sorry.Malevolous  [[Image:Lemmet Tauk Symbol.png|20px]]( Contact Frequency ) 21:37, January 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ***No worries, you've done a good job. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 18:43, January 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) Nayayen
 * 52) * Intro: Is the gender and exact order in which the assassins were killed necessary? You can merge it with the following sentence easily.
 * 53) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 23:29, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Intro: The first paragraph here jumps from the ARLF planning to Valorum disembarking. There is no mention of the ship landing or where this whole thing even took place (in the intro).
 * 55) **A bit unsure on this still, do you really mean the intro? The intro doesn't talk about the ARLF planning at all. I think I addressed the part about the landing and where it took place.
 * 56) ***By the planning I meant the switching with the servants et cetera. Badly worded on my part. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * Make sure there is no info exclusive to the intro. 990 BBY was the first thing to catch my eye, please put this in the main body as well and check for any other such intro-exclusive details.
 * 58) * "Arrival": Can you describe the landing pad a bit? It did affect the duel rather a lot.
 * 59) * At the end of "Arrival", mention that the other assailants did flee.
 * 60) * "remembering the classic Jedi adage, "There is no death; there is only the Force."" This is phrased a little too OOU in my books, please reword.
 * 61) **The 4 above objections and the one after the next were resolved over talk pages. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  12:08, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * The attribution for the quote in aftermath seems a bit awkward. We already know who they are and "an incredibly gruelling battle" could be replaced with "the duel" or something.
 * 63) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 23:29, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Isn't there supposed to be a Bts for FAs?
 * 65) *More to come. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  23:14, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * You give no context as to who Othone is in his first mention in the body.
 * 67) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:42, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * I'm seeing several cases of improper comma usage such as "The fall had broken Kelad’den’s neck, but due to the Force, Othone survived." Please go through and check for these.
 * 69) **Addressed? I'm horrible with commas.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:42, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ***Okay, I've gone through and fixed these for you but you may wish to look at 's sub-page for help. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 15:52, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * "But as he ran, passing the Twi'lek, he was slashed..." Who is the Twi'lek?
 * 72) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:42, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * "After Kelad'den landed more than a few...than he could spare for the Force."'' This sentence is badly worded; "more than a few" is a little too colloquial, "comprehended" isn't really suitable and I don't know what you mean by "took more concentration than he could spare for the Force."
 * 74) **Addressed. I wondered about that sentence when I wrote it.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 14:42, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * Check the rest of that paragraph for NPOV, "Amazingly" isn't NPOV for example.
 * 76) **Addressed.
 * 77) *That is all I can find. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) A few for you
 * 79) *This is a disclaimer, I am familiar with the events of Rule of Two, however, I will present these objections to you as if I never read the book.
 * 80) **Thanks, I'm sure that will make it that much better for others.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 19:57, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * In the intro it states as fact that Othone survived a fall due to the Force. However, the last paragraph of "The Twi'lek warrior" says due to some quirk of fate or the Force, Othone survived. Which is it?
 * 82) **Got it.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 19:57, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * It would be a good idea to italicize New Dawn, in the "Arrival" sub-section, and Darth Bane: Rule of Two, in the BTS.
 * 84) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 19:57, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * Context is needed on Cyndra and Paak. Were they human, male, female, what?
 * 86) **Yeah, I see that that could be confusing.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 19:57, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * The involvement of Darth Zannah in this led to the Duel on Ambria after she was captured by Cyndra and brought to Hetton. Can you rearrange your wording, example, Darth Zannah's involvement in the duel led to her being captured by Cyndra, who brought Zannah to Hetton. Also, the "Duel on Ambria" is not the event's canonical name. Link it to another word, like this, for example: confrontation on Ambria . Also, context on Hetton is needed.
 * 88) **Fixed the sentences, but since there is a Confrontation on Ambria and a Duel on Ambria I think it would be okay, unless I'm missing your point entirely.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 19:57, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) ***Looks good, except you still need context on Hetton.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:12, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) ****Thanks for pointing that out, I didn't even think about it.—Malevolous[[Image:Kir Kanos Symbol.png|20px]]( Contact Frequency ) 11:05, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * The event was used to further develop the character Johun Othone and the repercussions of the duel eventually led to the Duel on Ambria. Can you split this into two sentences? Like the above objection, use another phrase to describe the Duel on Ambria.
 * 92) **Addressed.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 19:57, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) *Good read, enjoy this series very much.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:13, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) **Why thank you. I'm glad you took the time to review my article.—Darth Malevolous[[Image:Sith Emblem.svg|40px]]( Through power I gain victory. ) 19:57, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) Few things:
 * 96) *The 1st para of intro is a bit confusing.
 * 97) *Arrival section a little too PBP (play-by-play).
 * 98) *You need to introduce Ohone in the bio! A sentence or two (maybe even a few words) talking about his status as Valorum's bodyguard is needed.
 * 99) *All I have, good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:09, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Per Jang, you may want to look here or here for good examples of duel articles. Those two examples that I've given you are from the same book as your article, even. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 13:31, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * When linking, you don't need to have the first letter of the article capitalized (unless it is a proper noun or start of a sentence etc.); it will go to the same article regardless. Don't forget that Human always has a capital letter. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  23:14, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Gav Daragon

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:08, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None really.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 23:09, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:04, January 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:27, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Nayayen
 * 2) * There are various battles that should be linked in the intro.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * I don't believe that the amulets actually glowed, just "tingled".
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * You must mention that Jori was taken to the decoy fortress.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * I personally think that replacing File:Naga Sadow NEGTC.jpg with one of him mentoring Gav would be more appropriate.
 * 9) **I have some problems regarding that. I'll get on it soon.
 * 10) ***I'm much more ambivalent about the ones in the next objection but I really don't think that this one supports/is overly relevant to the text. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 14:10, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Finally addressed.
 * 12) * Same as above for the Atlas and meditation sphere images. With the latter, I think it would be more relevant to have an image from Dogs.
 * 13) **Same response as above.
 * 14) ***Addressed.
 * 15) * "Withdrawing to his meditation sphere, Sadow informed Daragon that he would be leading the main fleet." It isn't clear who "he" is here.
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * The "crawl" in End of an Empire states that Sadow "triggered a secret weapon" to cause the supernova, not the Force.
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) *Mostly minor things here that don't dull a good read. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 23:37, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) Blacklist:
 * 21) * In the intro you say that the Daragons hyperspace jumped into the Unknown Regions and arrived in the Sith Empire; as far as I know, Korriban is in the Outer Rim Territories.
 * 22) **At that time period that area was in the Unknown Regions, as the area was unexplored. The Unknown Regions is not a fixed region in the galaxy, it is the parts of the galaxy that have not been mapped at that time.
 * 23) *** Then you might want to make mention of that in the BtS or something, because when someone who is unfamiliar with the subject matter reads "Unknown Regions," they tend to associate that with where the Yuuzhan Vong are from. I would prefer if you just said "Outer Rim" instead of "Unknown Regions," but it's up to you.
 * 24) ****I don't really feel it necessary to explain this in the BtS; this article is about Gav, not Korriban. Also, I would prefer to say the Unknown Regions since it was the Unknown Regions at the time.
 * 25) ***** You have to change it. The comic only says "into the unknown..." meaning unknown to the Daragons. It never specifically states that they went to the "Unknown Regions," but simply an uncharted area of space. We know the actual "Unknown Regions," no matter what era, to be where the Yuuzhan Vong came from. Claiming that the Daragons went into the actual "Unknown Regions" is wrong, and this will not pass FAN until the error is corrected and the factual information is added.
 * 26) ******Fine. Replaced with "an uncharted area of space".
 * 27) * The last sentence of the first paragraph of the intro and the first sentence of the second paragraph of the intro both begin with "although."
 * 28) **Addressed.
 * 29) * "As a shocked Gav stood over Aarrba's body, he was confronted by Jori, who blamed him for Aarrba's death. Overwhelmed by emotion, Daragon fled from his sister, and returned to his flagship. No longer loyal to Naga Sadow, and feeling that he needed to put a stop to the violence, Daragon went to Primus Goluud where Sadow was cloistered in his Sith Meditation Sphere, conjuring illusions for the war effort." Some brief context on why Gav was no longer loyal to Naga Sadow.
 * 30) * You mention early in the bio that Gav was first trained by the Jedi but you never mention this in the intro.
 * 31) * Further on that point, why did he neglect to fully join the Order?
 * 32) **He never really explains.
 * 33) * At several points in the article you make mention of "Tetans." This term did not come into use until the system was renamed after the warrior Empress, so you'll need to reword each instance in which "Tetan" appears.
 * 34) * "Together, the two Jedi used an exotic Force power known as battle meditation, which could strengthen the morale and resolve of the Tetan soldiers and heighten the fears and doubts of the Kirrek rebels. The battle meditation turned out to be an enormous success, and the Tetan forces were able to drive back the rebels." You use battle meditation too close in two consecutive sentences. Please reword.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * "However, they were interrupted by the same two men that Gav had encountered earlier; this time, the men revealed their allegiance to Ssk Kahorr and attacked. Gav and Jori attempted to escape, and were pursued through the streets on Cinnagar, before being cornered in a dead-end alley. However, the two were saved by Memit Nadill and Odan-Urr, who happened to be passing through the area." However is used too close in these three sentences, and reads a little unwieldy. Please reword.
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * The latter part of the first paragraph in The Sith Empire section needs to be reworked to read more from Gav's POV. There are far to many "theys," making the article seem like it's about both of the Daragon kids.
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) * Again, the third paragraph of the same section reads like it is from a combined biography of Gav and Jori Daragon. Please rectify this.
 * 41) **Addressed.
 * 42) * "Arriving after the attack had taken place, Ludo Kressh found Sadow's emblem at the scene, infuriating him. Angered by Sadow's treachery, Kressh gathered two of his allies, Horak-mul and Dor Gal-ram, to attack Sadow's citadel on Khar Delba. What would ensue was the pivotal Battle of Khar Delba." This needs to be shortened considerably, or at least made more relevant to the subject in question, since it goes quite far off the beaten path of Gav Daragon's bio.
 * 43) **Addressed.
 * 44) *** "Angered by Sadow's treachery, Kressh gathered two of his allies, Horak-mul and Dor Gal-ram, and launched an Battle of Khar Delba on Sadow." Huh?
 * 45) ****Whoops. Forgot to add the |attack]] Fixed.
 * 46) * "Meanwhile, in the battle, Sadow ordered a secret fleet in orbit around Khar Shian to attack Kressh's forces, decimating them. In addition to this, Sadow ordered the crew of Horak-mul and Dor Gal-ram's ships, in reality double agents, to attack and kill their masters. Finding himself with only one ship remaining, Ludo Kressh retreated and fled. The Battle of Khar Delba had been won." Same issue as the previous objection.
 * 47) **Addressed.
 * 48) * I don't know where, but you need to state somewhere that Sadow became Dark Lord of the Sith. I was able to incorporate it in the intro, but you'll have to figure out where in Gav's bio it should go.
 * 49) **Addressed.
 * 50) * "Sadow and Daragon promptly received a message from Kressh, proclaiming that Sadow was a traitor. After receiving this message, Daragon was ordered to activate the automated systems that would jam the transmission." "Received" and "message" are used too close to each other in two consecutive sentences.
 * 51) **Addressed.
 * 52) * Gav learned more than just the ways of the dark side; he was taught Sith magic. You make no mention of this anywhere other than in a quote or two and an image caption.
 * 53) **Addressed.
 * 54) * The infobox says Gav's eyes are blue but the main image shows Gav with brown eyes. You might want to explain this discrepancy in the BtS.
 * 55) **I already had.
 * 56) *** I overlooked that, my fault. The statement needs to be sourced though.
 * 57) ****Sourced.
 * 58) * These should keep you busy for a while. I'm sure there will be a few more after that. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 23:45, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * The first three sentences in the second paragraph of The Great Hyperspace War section begin with "Daragon." The whole paragraph is overloaded with "Daragons," and really needs to switched up a whole lot.
 * 60) **Addressed.
 * 61) * The same problem plagues the first paragraph of the Death section.
 * 62) **Addressed.
 * 63) * The first paragraph of the Legacy section really has nothing to do with Gav, except for the last sentence. I would suggesting removing all that filler and incorporating that last sentence into the next paragraph.
 * 64) **Addressed.
 * 65) * "&hellip;which led him to willingly serve Naga Sadow to help him give her a better life." Who is the one giving "her" a better life? Please specify.
 * 66) **Addressed.

Comments

Darth Caedus

 * Nominated by: Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Over a year later, it's finally done. It'll probably take that long to pass, too. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Timeline
 * 2) * The section "still the student" reads: "He did not leave immediately, however. He spent some time instructing other Jedi, among them Nelani Dinn, whom he trained in lightsaber combat." This seems to suggest that he instructed Nelani before he set out on his journey, although Betrayal claims that this occurred in 33 ABY. It's a bit confusing as it currently reads.
 * 3) **Betrayal's statement that it was "seven years ago" that he trained her is an artifact of Betrayal's original setting in 37 ABY; after it was removed, some time references had to be rewritten and this one wasn't caught. The same rewrite was responsible for the mixup saying Zekk was younger than Jaina; one of their ages got corrected but not the other. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I know that, but the sentence, as it currently reads, still seems to imply that he instructed Nelani before he left, which hasn't been established in canon, and is thus conjecture. The "seven years ago" statement is really a currently unresolved continuity issue, and I think it warrants a note in "Behind the scenes", just as in Nelani Dinn's article. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Well, it implies that because that's obviously the situation. We know there's a timing error; we know that if we read it as a leftover mistake, it makes sense; we know if we read it as correct it makes no sense (Jacen is randomly heading back to train random Jedi in lightsaber technique, but refuses to see his parents even though he misses them?). It's a mistake, pure and simple. Just like all the stuff that's supposedly twenty years ago in Patterns of Force; we know it's not because it doesn't make sense and the book is riddled with timeline errors. It's a good idea to note it in the BTS, though, and I've done that.
 * 6) *****Awesome. Really well-done paragraph in BTS. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Also, what's the basis for claiming that Jacen didn't set out on his journey until 30 ABY? Is it the consistent use of "five-year journey" in post-NJO novels? Even with that in mind, it still seems like conjecture on your part, unless it's been explicitly stated that he waited a year to leave.
 * 8) **It's the five-year journey bit, yes. It would be conjecture for me to say he left right away and all the other sources calling it five years were wrong on the assumption or inference that he had to have left in a matter of days right after TUF. Though that seems to be the vague assumption that the material kind of forwarded by not explicitly saying he hung around a while before leaving, other than the thing with Nelani, it's only a vague inference whereas the more specific references tell explicitly against it. I'm just working with what canon established. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Maybe source the "30 ABY" in that sentence, and make a note of it in the reference? A note establishing that the novel(s) sourced indicate it was a five-year journey. That would clear up confusion, and make it clear to everyone that it's bsaed on in-novel statements and is not conjecture. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ****It's already sourced to The Joiner King, which establishes that it was a five-year journey that ended in 35 ABY. There's not really any more sourcing needed -- if anything that might be questioned as "is that an inference or a guess or right in the text?" had to get sourced and noted, there would be twenty refs saying "No, that's in there," in each paragraph. I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's really necessary or practical. Havac 20:18, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *****Yeah, you're right. For completeness's sake, I'd suggest adding in a couple more sources immediately after "Jacen set out in 35 ABY" (other novels which call it a five-year journey), but that's just a preference of mine, not a requirement. Cheers. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Ditto claiming that he visited the Baran Do Sages in 34 ABY --- Outcast states that he visited them near the end of his journey, but does it actually explicitly state that it was in 34 ABY? If not, then 34 ABY seems like conjecture based on the idea of The Joiner King taking place at the very beginning of 35 ABY.
 * 13) **The Baran Do, in 43 ABY, say he visited them nine years ago. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***My mistake! Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Some image captions end in punctuation while others don't.
 * 16) **Those which are complete sentences end in punctuation; those that aren't don't. Image caption policy. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *I'm pretty nitpicky about timeline things, but a very well-done and extensively researched article with a fantastic use of images. Excellent job, Havac. Menkooroo 03:09, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thank you. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * The fourth paragraph of "Deep doubts" reads: "When five beetles menaced a pair of vulnerable Vors, however, he was forced to kill. More beetles were drawn to his lightsaber, forcing him to throw it away and run." I think it's worth mentioning that it was Droma who convinced him to throw the lightsaber. Droma was part of the expedition, and was the one who realized that they were attracted to light sources. Menkooroo 20:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **You just love Droma, don't you Jeff? I've added in a mention. Havac 01:44, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Damn right I do. But I also did legitimately feel like the paragraph was incomplete. Feel the Ryn love! Menkooroo 03:46, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Why do I sometimes drop into the FAN page for some ultimately minor and random objection?
 * 23) *Maybe mention somewhere his preference of darker coloured clothing/furnishings during his time as Sith Lord? I believe his GA office was almost completely black, as were his robes and weird armor-ish stuff he wore underneath. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **I've added a notation on the clothes, which is a good catch. I can't find anything about the office. If you come up with a quote, let me know. Havac 23:21, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) Me again.
 * 26) * Hey Hav, could you add something to Bts about ? Miniatures too if you want to, links and.
 * 27) **I actually took care of this under the Sofixit clause. I'm leaving my below question, though, as I think it might actually be a policy that individual issues need to be referenced, and not story arcs. Although I could be confusing it with a similar but different policy. I'd take care of it myself, but I'm trade-waiting for Invasion. Menkooroo 12:06, January 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) ***It was a good writeup, but I've moved the paragraph for minor layout purposes, and I've cut out the Miniatures information, as it's not particularly notable for a major EU character to have minis and so doesn't really merit a writeup. The action figure stuff is noteworthy, though. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * You've cited a few story arcs in Legacy and Invasion --- can you source the individual issues? For example, what's currently reference #104 is a link to Star Wars Legacy: Vector --- how do you feel about changing it to Star Wars Legacy 31: Vector, Part 12? Menkooroo 14:07, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **I don't source to issues, for a couple reasons. One is that it's too small a thing to cite to -- it creates a clutter of citations for small increments of a story, like citing chapters in a book. The other is that the story isn't presented for posterity in issue form -- it's collected in story form in trades. So there's no way for most people to even know what issue anything is from. And there's no rule requiring citation by issue, because of those limitations. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Ah, cool. I must have been mixing it up with a different policy. Also, I'd give the article a full review, but I'll be reading YJK relatively soon (I swear!) and naturally want to be unspoiled. Menkooroo 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Yes, I know. Redlinks. They'll be eliminated. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * I count 23 18  16  6 zero, some of which can probably be pointed to existing pages as I've done with several already. ( Airship, board game , coraltree basal , Corellian Space Defense Force , dazzle-grenade , Dragon's Teeth , electroencephaloscan , fighting-sight , Font of Power , Garqi Resistance , grand marshal , ion shield generator , Legal and Legislative Department , medical runner , Mind Walking , mirror illusion , Mists of Forgetfulness , Pool of Knowledge , railcar , safety stick , Star Wars: The New Jedi Order Round-Robin Interview , Throne of Balance , and twin bond , for easy reference.) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:25, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * I trust you will update the article with any new info from the Star Wars: Invasion comics?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:01, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Of course. Havac 20:26, October 10, 2009 (UTC)

Alfonso Luiz Obota

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 11:54, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This took long enough

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) My name is Alfonso Luiz Obota. You killed my father. Prepare to die.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:43, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:51, November 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Excellent work, QGJ. A very polished read. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:39, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Kreivi Wolter 11:17, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:14, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Starbreaker 12

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:08, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Quite possibly one of the oddest looking ships in SW. In fact, all of the TOTJ ships look weird.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) There are a couple of things below I haven't stricken, but they're mostly my preference, so I won't oppose based on them. Good work! ~ SavageBob 21:08, December 4, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) * I think the "Description" section is a bit sparse. You could say a lot more about the ship just from looking at pictures of it. It's hull is uneven, it has a mass of tendril-like protrusions below the cockpit, its extremities are connected by wire, its side-born engines glow yellow, etc.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "With supplies low, many starship operators began running supplies to the Tetan forces, including the Daragons in the Shadow Runner." This line is confusing, since its ambiguous whether "the Daragons" refers to the supply runners or the Tetan forces. I know which it is from context, but can you clarify it a bit?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Context for Aarbra.
 * 7) **I do give him context by saying that he owned Aarrba's Repair Dock.
 * 8) ***I guess I'd like to see his species mentioned there too, but I won't oppose based on my personal preference. :) ~ SavageBob 21:07, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Now in possession of the Starbreaker 12, Gav and Jori Daragon did indeed become hyperspace trailblazers..." The "now in possession of the Starbreaker 12" part is redundant, since the previous paragraph tells us that they now had the ship.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * Overall, Starbreaker 12 is repeated a bit too much. Can you replace every so often with "the ship" or "the Daragons' ship" or another synonym?
 * 12) **Addressed.
 * 13) * "The Starbreaker 12 was kept in Aarrba's hangar while the Daragons searched for the means to pay for its repairs." Again, the previous paragraph says exactly this, so there's no need to repeat it here.
 * 14) **Addressed;
 * 15) * Pronouns for the ship: In places you use it, in others you use she and her. I'm not sure what Wookieepedia policy is, but can you homogenize the usage in the article?
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * "Upon landing, however, the Daragons were promptly arrested by the natives." The previous sentence tells us they landed, so "upon landing" is unnecessary.
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) * Context for Khar Delba.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) *"After this incident, the Starbreaker 12 was protected by Ludo Kressh and his personal guards in its Ziost holding bay." "After this incident" is redundant; the reader will assume events are chronological unless you say otherwise.
 * 22) **Addressed.
 * 23) * "cunning Dark Lord Naga Sadow." Cunning sounds POV.
 * 24) **Addressed.
 * 25) * "Kressh arrived at the scene after the Starbreaker 12 had been stolen, and initially thought that it was a Republic attack." Again, no need to repeat that the ship had been stolen.
 * 26) **I wasn't repeating the fact; I was simply placing Kressh's arrival in the context of previous events.
 * 27) * "Narrowly avoiding a catastrophic impact, Jori Daragon attempted to inform them of the Sith." The previous sentence tells us she avoided collision, so no need to repeat it here.
 * 28) **Addressed.
 * 29) *That's it. Good work! It's hard to make a ship article interesting IMO. ~ SavageBob 15:54, November 9, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Would it be possible to swap the placement of the second and third images as far as which one is left-justified and which one is right-justified? The one of the Daragons looking leftward would be better placed on the right of the page, as their gaze would then lead the viewer's eye into the text rather than away from it. Just a suggestion! ~ SavageBob 22:26, October 30, 2009 (UTC)

Inexpugnable-class tactical command ship

 * Nominated by:Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 18:26, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first FAN! Done under the auspices of the KOTOR Wookieeproject.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very impressive work, Taral.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:51, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nicely done.  Nayayen ... TALK  15:00, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A quick glance, more to come&hellip;
 * 2) * I took a quick glance at the article, and I immediately noticed that in the intro, there are numerous references. These are not necessary, please omit them.
 * 3) **Removed the references from the intro. I noticed that a lot of FAs didn't have intro references, but wasn't going to assume that it was a rule. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 19:20, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The Citeweb template should be used for most external references, such as reference 15. Here's a list of the templates.
 * 5) **Used Cite Web to source the online dictionary, but also used tags, because otherwise it wasn't going down to the Notes and references section (I assumed it was automatic, like the ref tags). Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 19:20, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Yeah, I assumed that at one time, as well. Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:25, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *More later. I like what I see, though&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:52, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Nayayen
 * 9) * I'm seeing quite a bit of info exclusive to the intro. "...at 3,100 meters long...", for example, should also be in the main body.
 * 10) **I've added the diameter of the ship into the Dimensions section. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * This is the same with the infobox. I don't see any mention of the price in the main body.
 * 12) **I've added the price into the history, and also added crew complement, consumables, and cargo capacity to the Complement. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * There is a LOT of overlinking throughout. Please go through the whole article and make sure that if something is linked, it is linked only ONCE in the intro, ONCE in the infobox, ONCE in each image caption and ONCE in the main body. Of course, if it only occurs in the main body then it doesn't need to be linked in the intro.
 * 14) **Went through the article, I think I found most of the overlinking. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***You've managed to get most of it, I got those few that you missed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 21:21, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * There is a wealth of information on Faraway Press that isn't in the article. The Bts would benefit greatly from this. You also should reference these as "John Jackson Miller's production notes for issue XX".
 * 17) **Found the production notes, and added elements about the Vanjervalis Chain from issue 31, and other issues that gave details the origin of the Inexies' names. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * I see no mention of the fact that Haazen could control the Vanjervalis chain because he bought the company.
 * 19) **Added. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * The history is not at all comprehensive enough, it is GA standard at best. Please look at a current ship class FA like TIE/sh shuttle for the sort of detail required. You may also find this GA helpful also.
 * 21) **I've tried adding some more. Will need to re-evaluate.  I've been comparing it to the TIE/sh, whose history details mostly just events in which TIE shuttles took place.  This history may be more detailed than it in some ways, but less detailed in other ways.  Additional advice on this front would be greatly appreciated. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You're looking almost to detail the history of the ships of this class to the degree that it is in the intro for their own articles (of course, those articles aren't comprehensive so I'm not suggesting you do that). First, The Battle of Serroco could do with some more info (mainly from No.15), specific to Inexpugnables of course. Just more than a sentence at least. Secondly, some mention of the escape from Courageous in No.17 would be good. Finally, more detail of what happened with Swiftsure over Coruscant in No.31 as well. Just some more info that generally details the serving history of the class. Things along the line of those three points above should be ideal. I'll look through the article in detail after you've added this info. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 21:45, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Thanks for the advice, and thanks for the help with the links, and I'll do as you suggest for the History. I actually have a funeral to attend this weekend out of town, so I won't be able to do much till Sunday (don't think I've abandoned it!).  So I shall add all this extra info on Sunday/Monday.  Will message you when I've put in those extras.  Thanks for your help and understanding! <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:50, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *****Added significant detail to History, especially on the Battle of Serroco, the escape from Courageous, and the events of Turnabout. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 15:34, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ******Now that is what I was looking for. The content is all there now, I'll be going through with a fine-toothed keyboard later. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 16:25, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *I didn't have to look too hard to find these problems. Don't be disheartened, Taral, but this article needs some major work. I will wait until you finish these to put more objections up, that last one will take a while. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 22:35, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Nayayen 2.0
 * 28) * Intro: "Often described as a mobile space station at 3,100 meters in diameter, it was one of the largest Republic spacecraft in use at the time." None of this is mentioned in the body and I'm not sure what source it is from.
 * 29) **Done. And FYI it's from the KOTOR Campaign Guide.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "...in the first few weeks of the Mandalorian Wars." Again, not mentioned in the body and I'm dubious of how you got it down to weeks.
 * 31) **You're right, it isn't mentioned explicitly in the body, but I do describe how two Inexies were destroyed in the History section, and since the KOTOR comics show the opening shots of the Mandalorian Wars (Vanquo/Taris), the destruction of the Courageous and the Reliance happened within a few weeks of the beginning of the war. So I don't repeat it explicitly, but it is there implicitly.  Though if you feel  a quick mention is warranted, let me know and I'll see what can be done. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Well actually, now I think about it, the Mandalorian Wars began in 3,976 BBY so it can't possibly be the first few weeks. Try and find a way to reword this differently "early in 3,964 BBY". You'll also need to reword references to the start of the Mandalorian Wars given that the date of the start is said to be 3,976 BBY.  Nayayen ... TALK  19:49, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****I looked it up, and while the Mandalorian Wars began in 3,976 BBY, the Republic was only invaded at the end of 3,964 BBY (issues 7-8-10, in 3,964 and 3,963 BBY). So I changed it to either not provide the date, or be explicit to the beginning of the Republic's involvement.  Check it out? <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:33, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Characteristics: "...with a hollow center" Can you word this a bit better? It makes it sound like some sort of candy right now.
 * 35) **I see what you mean. I went with that it was "disc-shaped, with an opening in the center". <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Role: "...which allowed an Admiral to command a fleet..." I don't believe that it would be only an admiral in command, ie. Captain Karath.
 * 37) **Replaced with "Flag Officer", which just means the officer who commands a fleet from a flagship. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "These ships commanded Republic fleets..." Can you find a different word to use here? "Commanded" doesn't fit.
 * 39) **"Led". <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * History: Please refer to people by either their first or last names consistently. You use Karath but also Zayne and Carth. Last names tend to be preferred.
 * 41) **Done. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * "..although Karath, Zayne, and Carth were . . . the wall in Zayne's prison cell." This sentence makes it sound as if the three of them dismantled the wall there and then but they didn't, Carrick had used the Force during his incarceration. Also, they gained access to the Deadweight in the Courageous '  hangar bay, you've got it mixed up here.
 * 43) **Re-written. And as for the last part, I meant "Deadweight's landing bay" as in "the landing bay in which Deadweight was parked," not "the landing bay on the Deadweight."  Rewritten to avoid any misinterpretation. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Shortly after this, you finish a sentence with "remnants of the Courageous" and then start the next one with that same wording.
 * 45) **First use revised.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "After the Battle of Serroco, they were equipped..." Make it clear what you are referring to here.
 * 47) **Done.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * The last half of the penultimate paragraph of the History seems like it was copy'n'pasted from an old revision of the intro. Please reword/move/whatever it so that it flows better.
 * 49) **Revised. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * "...used it to command the Republic fleet to both Haazen and the Draay Estate." Commanded it to do what?
 * 51) **lol I forgot a word there. "...Republic fleet to fire upon both Haazen and..." <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * Bts: "The names of Inexpugnable-class vessels seem to be mostly derived from Earth naval ships." I personally find the Earth reference odd, why not just say "real world"? Also, say that JJM actually did derive the names from real ships.
 * 53) **Done.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Finally, what is that image doing in the Sources section? It isn't relevant to the adjacent text at all and therefore should either be moved or gotten rid of.
 * 55) **Removed. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *Sorry it took me so long to get around to a final review.  Nayayen ... TALK  20:57, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I would really recommend removing all of those subheaders and merging all of the info in the Characteristics section under that main header. It doesn't seem like there's enough info on each specific part of the ship to balance the section aesthetically as a whole.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * Makes sense. I removed the headers, and it looks better I think.  Worst case scenario we can revert, but it looks better. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 13:22, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

Spar

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 09:26, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm back, baby!

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:34, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) A crying shame of continuity expertly-handled --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 14:26, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:18, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Kreivi Wolter 14:38, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) 100% support. Great job.--Bella&#39;Mia 11:07, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Karen Traviss disapproves of this article:
 * 2) * In the intro: Context on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I.
 * 3) * Context on Dutchess Satine.
 * 4) * Context on Padme Amidala and Darth Sidious.
 * 5) * Context on Kal Skirata and Boba Fett.
 * 6) **I've given Padme the explanatory title, but I'd like to discuss all these as one. I feel that the intro is the place for brevity; it's the place for giving the short, pared down version of Spar's story. If people need further elaboration on what these characters are all about, they can click the links or read the rest of the article, which does provide all the context one needs for Spar.
 * 7) * Why did the Kaminoans call him Spar?
 * 8) **Dunno.
 * 9) * Quotes for the three bio sections?
 * 10) **That might be nice, but it's not required and I'd have to use terrible Traviss dialogue.
 * 11) * Context again on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I in the bio.
 * 12) **Cuy'val Dar is contextualized with "trainers". Slave I clarified.
 * 13) * In the intro, Cuy'val Dar is italicized but in the bio it is not. Which one is it supposed to be?
 * 14) **Should be italicized. Fixed.
 * 15) * Context on the Mandalorian deaths in the Battle of Galidraan? Did Spar participate in this battle? If not, how did he get word of it?
 * 16) **They died, the Jedi killed them. That's all explained, and pretty much all the context needed for the topic. Spar probably read about it or something; we just know he knew about it.
 * 17) *<S>Context in the body on Sidious.
 * 18) **Added.
 * 19) * Why did the meeting end in an altercation between Sull and Jusik?
 * 20) **Clarified.
 * 21) * Why would Vel shoot him if she thought him to be her father?
 * 22) **Cause she's craaaaazy. I could get into the whole Vel/Fett relationship, but I think it better serves the focus of the article to leave it to their respective articles, since Spar would just be concerned with the "being shot" part.
 * 23) * P&T quote?
 * 24) **See above.
 * 25) *Canon-tastic.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:28, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thanks for reviewing. - Lord Hydronium 06:02, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Jinzler
 * 28) * Just one minor point: Spar bore a grudge against Jedi and started an altercation, which Spar attempted to break up. I'm assuming that there is a typo here and Spar didn't try to break up his own fight --Jinzler 12:03, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Gah, should be Sull. Fixed. - Lord Hydronium 04:22, November 12, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Zule Xiss

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 05:05, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:This is another that sat on my back burner for quite some time.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) For any Fact File, you have to list exact pages that mention Zule.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:52, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *This is currently being worked on, as the Fact File note was left over from the original article. I'm trying to find out if this was true or not, and if it is, which one she was mentioned in. Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:34, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **All fact file notations have been added, and added correctly I believe. FYI. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 03:46, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of the Rishi moon

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 00:39, November 10, 2009 (UTC) and Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:40, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it's done. Brought to you by Jang and Jugs. :P

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. -- Xd1358  Talk 15:33, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work guys : ) Kreivi Wolter 19:58, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Darth Trayus
 * 2) * The sentences in the first paragraph of the intro are short and choppy. Combine those that you can.
 * 3) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * You use "Realizing" to start two consecutive sentences in the inro's second paragraph.
 * 5) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * In the intro you say Rex realized the detonator didn't work, but in the body you say it's Hevy.
 * 7) **Changed the first one to Hevy, too, but I'll have to check with Jang to be sure that it was him. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Mention the plunk droids somewhere in the Destroying the Base section.
 * 9) **Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 12:27, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Wouldn't the fleet battle be part of the battle as well and not the aftermath?
 * 11) **Well, that depends. Did it occur over the moon of Rishi? I was under the impression that it was elsewhere. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Yeah it did. I think that needs to be made clear as well, as Grievous brought his fleet to the Rishi Moon following the commando droid's initial success.
 * 13) ****Ok, hopefully addressed.
 * 14) * Is Rishi Station ever referred to as a base? If not you may want to change your section headings. It's nitpicky, yes, but more accurate.
 * 15) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Other than that all, it's a good, consise article. My only other suggestion would be to make your images larger, as they're already dark and hard enough to see anyway. Small sizes like the ones you have now simply defeat the purpose of having images in the first place.
 * 17) **Addressed; we'll get to the rest soon. Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Clone attack (most likely minor stuff until further notice)
 * 20) * Please remind me why Fives, Echo, and Hevy are listed as commanders when they hold no official rank. Also, if you're going to specifically list Hevy, O'Niner, and Cutup under the casualties, you're going to have to list all of the rest of them, which is not something I recommend trying to do.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 12:22, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Xd
 * 23) * "They came under attack from a Rishi eel, which killed Cutup before the other three clones were able to defeat it." Did they really defeat it? "Defeat" sounds like they killed it.
 * 24) **Addressed; thanks for the review. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 16:53, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *** You may want to mention one of the clones warning the others before the eel arrived, and that one of the clones shot at the eel. -- Xd1358  Talk 17:02, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****I think that would be a little too play-by-play. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:19, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "Grievous, having lost contact with the droid commandos, dispatched a team of B1 battle droid reinforcements to investigate the disappearance of the droids in the listening post." There were Super battle droids as well, I think.
 * 28) **Changed to "battle droids".  JangFett  (Talk) 22:43, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *No lead quote?
 * 30) **-- Xd1358  Talk 09:45, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Shouldn't it be "Battle of the Rishi Moon," or "Battle of Rishi's Moon?" —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 16:22, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * "Battle of the Rishi Moon" currently redirects to this article. I'd say for better naming of the battle, this article should be called "Battle of the Rishi moon." An admin has to delete that redirect article so I can properly move "Battle of Rishi moon" to it.  JangFett  (Talk) 16:49, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * All done. :) Much thanks to GT for moving the article.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:04, November 15, 2009 (UTC)

Raik Muun

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 15:34, November 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A crazy Dark Jedi

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:11, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:53, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Since this article is based on RPG adventures, I think it needs RPG and Endgame, though I'm not sure.
 * 3) **The templates are meant to be used in situations where it is uncertain whether or not something is canonical, like if something happens only as a result of a choice made by RPG players, where they have alternate options available. I have tried to write the article in such a way that avoids those situations by just stating the plain facts established about Muun in the scenarios, but in comparison with some other RPG characters, there isn't that much that the players can do to alter the actions of Muun. Therefore, I believe I have avoided needing to use the templates and I have stated in the BTS the few instances where the facts are uncertain, ie in Force Convention her powers vary with player tier and in Echoes of the Jedi she may or may not be killed. However, I am quite happy to add the templates if you feel they are necessary. --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Eh, I'll let someone who has dealt with RPG articles more often make that call. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:11, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "and was defeated when they were attacked by a group of Alderaanian Resistance agents.": "Defeated" is a bit unclear. Was she captured, killed, etc., or does the source just not give any more detail? This same issue is also in the last sentence of the bio.
 * 6) **Echoes of the Jedi is unclear about whether or not she is killed, as the player characters only have to defeat her, so it is theoretically possible for them not to have to do so, ie they could knock her out or something. As her fate is uncertain, I have chose not to speculate too much, although I have mentioned in the BTS that it is possible for the Resistance agents to kill her. --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Muun then entered the cantina and walked over to a group of tough-looking people, who were sitting at a table near the door. She gave them a gesture that suggested that she wanted a fight, causing them to laugh at her.": After the first five words, the rest of this is a little too play-by-play and unnecessary.
 * 8) **Cut down --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "However, Master Kirlocca had hired a group of freelance agents known as the "Heroes of Cularin" to find Lawsirk": Is "Heroes of Cularin" an actual canonical name? If not, it should be pipelinked and the instances in the "Attack on the Luxury" section quote and later in that section should be reworded, as conjectural names are OOU.
 * 10) **It is a canonical name and is used on many occasions throughout the Living Force campaign --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "to try and delay the Heroes of Cularin from further interfering with her plans. In a further attempt to slow down the agents,": "Further" is repetitive.
 * 12) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Otherwise, looks good. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:08, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks for the review --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

CT-26-1409

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 22:40, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part three of my Rookies project. Goes along with my and Jug's Rishi moon battle FAN. :P

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Read it, and it's good.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Xd1358  Talk 05:29, November 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks great. Keep up the good work!--<Font color="SaddleBrown">Jawaman <Font color="SaddleBrown">Want to buy a used droid? 15:34, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Quick question before I get into it... why is that picture of Echo receiving his medal in that section? It's out of place both chronologically and aesthetically.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:18, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes, I know. Currently, I am asking JMAS if he could upload extra images for the article.
 * 3) **Done. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 21:09, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Please find a better infobox image that does not make him look like he's come straight out of a poorly-colored painting.  CC7567  (talk) 02:53, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Done at Jang's request. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 21:09, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Xd
 * 7) * "Soon after Echo entered the control room of the listening post, where he joined the other stationed rookie troopers." Did he enter the room. I thought he was there, reading the manuals or whatsoever.
 * 8) **No, Echo walked inside the command center in the beginning of the episode.
 * 9) * You should mention that CT-327 was the deck officer; otherwise it will sound like the droids killed him when 327 was in the station.
 * 10) **Keep in mind that too much detail will make it sound too pbp. However, I added "deck officer" before his name. :)
 * 11) * You should mention why Rex ordered the destruction of the station (cutting off the signal).
 * 12) **-- Xd1358  Talk 15:46, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***That's all ready mentioned. See the second paragraph within the "Retaking the base" section. Thanks for the review.
 * 14) ****Gah. I really should rewatch Rookies. Good work, Jang.
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) *It's a little unclear in the bio why Grievous would attack the moon in order to attack Kamino
 * 17) **Addressed; hope that helps.
 * 18) ***"any attack on Kamino would alarm a nearby Republic fleet." How so? This still doesn't really make sense.
 * 19) ****Oops, I fixed that mistake. Sorry for the confusion.
 * 20) *****A little better, but I don't think you needed to remove the "all-clear" info. It's just not very clear right now why he would have to attack the listening post.
 * 21) * "Outside the listening post, the meteor shower—which concealed the Droch-class boarding ships used by the commando droids—crashed everywhere around the listening post" I thought the meteor shower was just the boarding ships (although I could be wrong, I don't remember for sure)
 * 22) **Yes; the meteors were actually the boarding shops. Fixed.
 * 23) ***Ok, but please check your grammar here :P.
 * 24) ****Addressed. :P
 * 25) * The third paragraph should be condensed a little; right now it has too much info that isn't directly related to Echo
 * 26) **Mind pointing out the paragraph? If the paragraph begins with "Meanwhile, a clone trooper alerted O'Niner that a meteor shower was approaching." I believe that it's fine as it stands. Echo was present during the events.
 * 27) ***Okay, well then try making it seem a little more from Echo's point of view. RIght now it sounds like the article is suddenly about O'Niner.
 * 28) ****Addressed.
 * 29) * Does any source say that they really felt "helpless?"
 * 30) **Their attitude, and dialogue suggests that. However, it could be rephrased. :)
 * 31) ***It needs to be; if it's not stated, then it's OR.
 * 32) ****Done.
 * 33) * Right now, it sounds like the clone officers arrive and just walk right up to the rookies; you should say that they are attacked by droids, and from this, please explain why Rex asks them to remove their helmets (However, do keep this short, we don't want too much info here)
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) ***Better, but the second sentence here now reads awkwardly.
 * 36) ****Eh, addressed.
 * 37) * Does the show really name the droid unit numbers? (I know it named Unit 26, but I don't recall it naming 07, 08, and 09, although I could be wrong)
 * 38) **No, but naming the droid commandos would lessen confusion when reading.
 * 39) ***That's not the problem; if the show doesn't name them, then you can't source it to the show, and right now the full paragraph is sourced to the show.
 * 40) ****That's why the episode guide comes in handy. :)
 * 41) *Weren't they all escaping by the time they discovered the remote didn't work? The bio currently implies that they found the remote didn’t work, and then Hevy stayed behind so the rest could leave the station.
 * 42) **Hevy offered to stay behind and fix the remote detonator.
 * 43) ***Yes, but weren't they already trying to flee? Right now it sounds like they were trying to detonate the base while they were still inside.
 * 44) *"Rex tried to contact Hevy via comlink, although the trooper denied to comply." Denied to comply to what?
 * 45) **Addressed
 * 46) ***What demands?
 * 47) ****Both objections addressed.
 * 48) *****Better, but now it reads very awkwardly.
 * 49) * How was the listening post destroyed if the remote wasn't working?
 * 50) **Addressed
 * 51) * "While they were unsuccessful in rescuing Hevy, the clones soon departed the moon of Rishi, after being picked by a LAAT/i gunship that just arrived." This is rather disjointed, and reads awkwardly.
 * 52) **Addressed.
 * 53) * "After Rex issued the destruction of the listening post, Echo gave the Clone Captain information about the stored liquid tibanna in the base." How is this related to Echo’s personality?
 * 54) * Does "Rookies" state that the 501st Legion is "famed?" If not, then you need to remove this as POV. (You could possibly replace it with something like "elite," as long as a source states that it is so&mdash;and make sure you source it to the right source, too, if you do this.)
 * 55) * The chronology of the events mentioned in the P&T is difficult to follow, it jumps around with no apparent order.
 * 56) **All fixed.
 * 57) * Why was Echo saying "hell" a big deal? Why was it later removed?
 * 58) **Many say that it was because of parent complaints, but nothing official about the removal of the dialogue can be found. Thanks for the review, Jonny. :)
 * 59) ***No problem. Sorry I gouldn't hang around longer in IRC.
 * 60) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:02, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added external link section and CUSWE link, Jang Hope you don't mind.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * No, that's fine. Thanks. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 22:50, November 17, 2009 (UTC)

Morseerian

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 06:44, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eyrezer can't have all the four-armed species.

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * Oh, so now I'll have to do a four-armed species. Got one in my sights. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:08, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) --Eyrezer 06:31, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:36, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:46, December 31, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Kreivi Wolter 17:01, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Skippy has little to add
 * 2) * S&C: talking to strangers only when they wanted information from them. Can you replace "they" or "them" with "the Morseerians" or "the strangers"?
 * 3) * Hist: Seriously, can you explain exactly what's a client species and what the Drackmarians expected from the Morseerians in exchange of what? Specially about an individual Morseerian having an individual contract with an individual Drackmarian (Nabrun-Omogg).
 * 4) * In the galaxy: I think the description of Anakin could be improved if you added Ani's age: "an eight-year old slave named Anakin" (If he was 8 at that point ). But, it's your choice.
 * 5) * In the galaxy: The paragraph about pirates takes place in 32 BBY; it's followed by a paragraph talking about 33 BBY. Please consider switching them to follow a chronological order.
 * 6) *Go WP:A! Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:25, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the suggestions! I've changed everything you mention except Anakin's age; I suck at BBY math, and his birth year is given as some weird decimal construct. I won't be upset if someone else wants to add in that information. Other that that, I hope the article's up to snuff now. ~ SavageBob 16:01, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***I added his age, which is nine years old. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:20, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Cool, thanks! ~ SavageBob 07:13, November 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Similar to what I was after with Ranat, can you add a link to an image of the Morseerian-like guy on Aduba-3? --Eyrezer 21:13, November 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *Done! ~ SavageBob 22:56, November 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Looks like it's probably the same guy. --Eyrezer 06:31, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Antares Draco

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 08:38, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The dude punched Cade in the motha-kriffin' face!

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks solid to me&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:01, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Quick glance&hellip;
 * 2) * Please use the Cite web template for all external links.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:59, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I've added five external links using that template --- let me know if they're OK. Menkooroo 04:23, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I apologize, I also meant the references and notes.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****OK, I think I got it right this time. Menkooroo 15:36, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Cool. Thanks for taking care of this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:09, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Blacklist:
 * 8) *You state in the article that Draco earned the title of "Imperial Master," but nothing links to it. I would suggest creating the page since there is enough info to warrant a distinction between that rank and that of Imperial Knight. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 03:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **That's an interesting idea. I think what I might do instead is do some maintenace on the IK article itself, and create a section entitled "Training", with a subsection about mastery, and then link there. There's really only a single sentence on "mastery" within the IK's in the LECG, and the term "Imperial Master" itself would be a conjectural one. I'll write here again tomorrow when I've done that. Menkooroo 15:26, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **Oooooookay. The first instance of "Master" in the article is now linked to the Mastery section of Imperial Knight. I did this rather than create a new article because Imperial Knight is about the order, not the title, unlike Jedi Knight, which is about the title. Menkooroo 10:03, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era.
 * Updated for Issue 43 of Legacy. Menkooroo 13:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)

Shasa

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Started off as a baddie, but then was redeemed by Revan. Still falls under "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR", making in Part 5. Also first alien and female character nom. Killing two birds with one stone&hellip;

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yay! Selkath Force adept charismatic leader! Now with scism! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:15, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy has something to say:
 * 2) * Hist: Shasa and several other youths were tricked into joining Manaan's Sith Embassy after an Iridonian mercenary, who was hired by the Sith, lured the youth in the Sith's Embassy Let me see: The Iridonian merc lured Sasha and other youth into the Embassy. So this did not happen before Sasha and the youth were tricked into the Embassy because it's the same event. Maybe I'm wrong but, could you please reword this?
 * 3) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *<S>Hist: Galas first mention is when he wants to leave the Sith. Please, mention him before this point - specifically, mention Galas when talking about Shasa's childhood, and talk about the token that Revan would use as a proof. Chronologically, the history could use an autonomous paragraph about her childhood.
 * 5) **I did expand it to three parargaphs, rather than two. Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Hist: Did Galas join when Sasha did, or before her, or after her? Mention Galas whenever he joins the Sith.
 * 7) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Hist: The Sith told Sasha that she and the Selkath could leave whenever they wanted to, but it was a lie. Galas tried to leave. The Sith killed him and told Sasha he had gone. This is important in her history.
 * 9) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Hist: I remember the game. If Revan canonically entered the Embassy on behalf of Shaelas, then Shaelas actively looked for help for his daughter. This is, I think, important enough to be mentioned: Shaelas was worried about Shasa.
 * 11) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Hist/Legacy: I think some of the articles by Wizards talk about the Selkath having a greater % of Force-sensitive individuals than other species; this should be mentioned when Sasha feels that "Force-sensitive Selkath needed proper training"
 * 13) **I'l look into it. The only thing that come close to what you're saying is in Part 3 of Manaan: Depths of History. It says, "Considering the small population of natives left on the planet, they have discovered a surprising number of candidates, which serves to reinforce the Order's belief that the Selkath have been chosen by the Force for greatness." Should I add this info?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * P&T: However, she sought advice from a Jedi she trusted or from a Force-based tradition with a good reputation, such as the Jal Shey, if darksiders started to advance through her Order's ranks or influenced new members of the Order. Did she? I seem to remember the OS said she could resort to the other traditions if she needed help, as a hook for RPG adventures, but I don't remember a specific precedent of her really resorting to the Jal Shey.
 * 15) **Yes, the KotOR Campaign Guide states this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * P&A: No way. She did not sense the call of her ancestors (the people she descended from), but a power called Call of the Progenitor, named after a local beast that the Selkath believed to be their evolutive forefather &mdash; something that, as far as I know, canon has neither confirmed or refuted. Besides, this power is only Christened after the Progenitor, and it could be unrelated to him in a strict way. Reword, and context for Progenitor.
 * 17) **The information on the article was based off the description for the power in the KotOR campaign guide. The web enchacement for the guide which gives more details on Shasa also says she used "Progenitor's Call".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:58, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Except for that little things, great article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:09, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thanks for the review, Farl.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Uthar Wynn

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part 6 of "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR".

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, November 25, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy has something to say here, too
 * 2) * Footnote 6 (first of BtS) gives some strange error.
 * 3) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * a "full" Sith. "Inverted commas" are not liked in FA's; could you replace them? If it's a direct quotation, you could say "becoming what Wynn called a full Sith"; otherwise, they must be removed altogether.
 * 5) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * to kill Selene, the woman that accompanied Dustil at the Academy. Selene has been given context before; you can remove the last part.
 * 7) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Unfortunately for Wynn, Revan sided with Ban, having befriended her. Enraged, Wynn went on the attack Again: You've just said that they were friends. Besides: "the" attack? What attack? "Sided with Ban" can easily be understood as merely not attacking her and walking to her side; you should specify whether Revan and/or Ban initiated an attack against Wynn.
 * 9) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * P&T: I guess we do not know when did Wynn tattoo himself: Before becoming headmaster, as a consequence of it...
 * 11) **No, nothing is known about this&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * P&T: First mention to Thalia May and the renegade students. Shouldn't they be mentioned in the Bio? Same for the rogue assassin droid.
 * 13) **I don't know. If I add these instances, I have to add every quest that Revan undertook on Korriban, for 100% game completion. These are relevant in the P&T section, since it explains how Wynn is gullible. Please advise.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:53, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:51, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *No more to come. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:11, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Credit goes to Xicer9 for uploading the audio files in the article. Thanks, man.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Sha Koon

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A short break from "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". This was fun to work on&hellip;

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Xd
 * 2) * You say that the battle of the planet Bal'demnic take place in 19 BBY, and you source it to the databank entry. I read it through, and there's no mention of the year. -- Xd1358  Talk 17:55, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **<Slaps head> No source anywhere for the date. Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:16, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) An image of her death may work --Sean Red 15:12, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *I don't know about that, is that really necessary?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:50, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Not a death image, but please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:23, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Nice.--Sean Red 14:34, January 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ****I'd like to point out to the Inqs that this objection has been taken care of. The objecting user has not been on the site since January 3rd, and his last post here indicates that he felt the objection was taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:31, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Perhaps move the "Dark Times" and the P&T both one paragraph lower? -- Xd1358  Talk 19:40, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Could you explain? You mean move the images, right?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:49, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Oh God, of course I mean, I'm just experiencing writing problems :P It looks better now. -- Xd1358  Talk 19:58, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:03, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Vote to strike objection by Sean Red (Inq only)

 * 1) Per nominator's request. Objection appears to be resolved, though objector failed to strike. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 06:08, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 06:15, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:35, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Battle of Bothawui (Second; Great Galactic War)

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:17, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 300, Star Wars style

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 23:07, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Dang.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:16, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Seeing as you refer to the First Battle of Bothawui (Great Galactic War), a prelude to this, should this article not be moved to Second Battle of Bothawui (Great Galactic War)? That redirects to this article for some reason at the moment. Otherwise, s'all good.  Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 16:41, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I intentionally moved this article to just the plain old Battle of Bothawui because it's explicitly referred to as simply the Battle of Bothawui in the source. Its also kind of a Battle of Geonosis situation. Just because there are now two doesn't mean that the one that is cannonically named gets a new title. Thanks for the question though! Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 05:14, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Some on IRC were noting that we don't usually have semi-colons in parenthetical disambiguations; you may want to just have it be Battle of Bothawui (Great Galactic War), and specify in the Youmay that it's about the second one. First battle can stay at the "First Battle" link, so you end up having "First Battle" and just plain "Battle". - Lord Hydronium 07:50, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***While I don't have a personal preference for any of the possible article titles, I hesitate to move it only because there have been so many different suggestions on the topic. I will look into it more and ask around to see what's preferred by the admins, Inqs, and ACs. Thanks for bringing that to my attention though. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 08:07, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa:
 * 6) *What does "unspecified" mean in the infobox? Does the canon source literally say this figure is "unspecified?" Otherwise, avoid using this kind of OOU terminology for an undefined value, which is as bad as saying something is "unknown." Just use "Unidentified.": "Unspecified number of reinforcements"
 * 7) **Not an objection, but please be careful of your adjective use when referring to entities like the Empire and the Republic. Formally, "its" should be used in conjunction with these bodies, not "their." I've noticed you alternate between the two, as in this intro sentence, for ex: "Following their victory in the Seswenna sector and the Outer Rim Territories at large, the Empire set its sights towards the galactic core"
 * 8) *Less POV term here, please. Additionally, as a general rule, please avoid referring to individuals as "heroric": "In a heroic last stand, Master Allusis and his surviving troops fought the Imperials off"
 * 9) *Less POV term than "valiantly," please: "Understanding that their likelihood of survival was slim, the forces under Allusis's command fought valiantly" Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:27, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Something like 1,024 words at the time of nomination. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:19, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kirrek (Great Hyperspace War)

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:37, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Floyd does more TOTJ stuff.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good ol' WP:TOTJ. Gotta love it. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 00:47, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Blacklist:
 * 2) * I noticed immediately that the Aftermath section could use some expansion. One of the major things that happened after this particular battle was that Odan-Urr found the Dark Holocron, but this is nowhere mentioned in the article.
 * 3) **I was smokin crack. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 00:30, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Can the BtS be expanded upon as well?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Does the text specifically refer to Odan and Ooroo as Jedi Generals?
 * 7) **Nope. Addressed.
 * 8) * "There they discovered the long-isolated Sith Empire, under the leadership of expansionist Dark Lord of the Sith Naga Sadow, who was in the midst of a power struggle with politically conservative Sith Lord Ludo Kressh." Sadow wasn't Dark Lord when the Daragons first arrived.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Infobox is missing the concurrent battles.
 * 11) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:40, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *That's all. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 05:50, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Trial of Ulic Qel-Droma

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 05:39, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More WP:TOTJ. And don't get it twisted; I still write FAs from my cellphone ;)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Heh heh, sweet&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:50, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) The phone is back and better than ever. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:38, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 00:47, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 04:19, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Pasta!
 * 2) * "Qel-Droma's final offense&hellip;" What were the earlier 'offenses?' Just clarify that the Republic was keeping score.
 * 3) *Actually, that's it. Nice work, Tommy. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:07, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Addressed. Thanks for the review, Master Aban. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 04:10, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Currently working on obtaining better scans for the images that need them. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 05:39, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * Once again, Redemption has come through. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 05:12, December 7, 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Koros Major

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:27, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,059 words. Not actually a whole lot of info about the battle at large, just about the Daragons.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Svivreni

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:45, November 30, 2009 (UTC) &mdash; WP:AS
 * Nomination comments: West End Games wanted the Svivreni in their Star Wars RPG to be like the dwarves in Surgeons & Dragons, &#91;source?&#93; by giving the former many features of the later; however, the Svivreni never really catched on the role-playing audience. &#91;source?&#93;

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Should be the pack mule of every RPG party. ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer:
 * 2) * As a preliminary objection, can you add some subsections to the S&C and History sections? Ideally, I'd also like to see a couple of the "Distinctions" removed from the infobox; "sturdy", for instance. --Eyrezer 11:07, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Have a look. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:43, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Have a look again. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:38, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 6) * On a first look, I think your lead section needs to be beefed up quite a bit. I'd say it should probably be about twice the size it is now, roughly. You could do with three paragraphs or two long ones, but there should be a few more lines about their society and culture, for example, and a more beefed up summary of their history. I'll get to the rest in the next couple days! ~ SavageBob 16:30, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Enough?
 * 8) ***I could see it being a bit longer, but it's in the ballpark now. :) ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * OK, more now. I think the "distinctions" field of the infobox should be reserved for features that set a species apart from the majority of other aliens in the SW universe. If that's the case, I don't think their hands are unusual enough to qualify.
 * 10) **Done.
 * 11) *** OK. Consider possibly adding their manes into the "distinctions" field, as that is something that someone would likely use to identify one of these guys in a spaceport or crowded market (this is just a suggestion, and not an objection). ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Done.
 * 13) * I think evolutionary history (the first paragraph of "Biology and appearance") belongs under "History" instead. Well, it belongs in both places: Under "B&A", you should explain that they are adapted to their climate, and in "History" you should explain how they evolved.
 * 14) **Done.
 * 15) *** Looks good, but be sure to mention their "suppleness" (using a synonym) somewhere in "Biology and appearance," though. ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Resilience upon Thesaurus.
 * 17) * Can you explain "sturdy complexion"? The term brings to my mind their skin, but I don't think that's what's intended.
 * 18) **Replaced by "stout".
 * 19) * The convulsing of their ears -- is this voluntary or involuntary? It might fit better under "Society and culture" when you talk about their language.
 * 20) **OS does not specify 100% but I think it's involuntary and as such a biological aspect more than a cultural one. Done nothing
 * 21) * Do they tie their hair into a ponytail or do they braid it?
 * 22) **Damn inexact Thesaurus. Tied in ponytail; "braid" replaced with "hairstyle".
 * 23) * Similar to above, the reason why they evolved to be stubborn is perhaps better moved to "History."
 * 24) **Done.
 * 25) * Can you explain what it means to be "one of the hardests"? What is a "hardest?"
 * 26) **The hardest mineralogists ever. Changed.
 * 27) *** It's still a bit confusing; does the OS use "hardest?" Usually, people (and sentient aliens) would be described as "toughest," perhaps. ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ****Replaced by toughest, OS says hardest.
 * 29) * Can you explain what you mean by "the greatest available class?"
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) *** Better. Perhaps replace "best technology" with "state-of-the-art technology" or just say a "state-of-the-art spaceport"? ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ****Replaced.
 * 33) * Language, customary greetings, and naming conventions might fit well together.
 * 34) **Joined in "Linguistic traits", as they cover phonology, semantics and lexis respectively.
 * 35) * Try to avoid one-paragraph subsections. I'm not sure "aesthetics" needs its own section since it's so short. I'm up through "Society and culture"; will get to the rest soon! ~ SavageBob 18:57, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) **"Aesthetics" moved to "social behavior".
 * 37) * The final paragraph of "Behind the scenes" is interesting but confusing. Can you go into more detail about the size discrepancy between sources and how WOTC resolved it? Right now, the article mentions the solution, but it doesn't explain what it was. ~ SavageBob 21:17, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Expanded. Hope you like it, hope people unfamiliar with the RPG can follow it.
 * 39) * I'm not sure I get the connection between the Svivreni turning Svivren into a trading post with the presence of Svivreni traders offworld (from "Svivreni in the galaxy").
 * 40) **Clarified (I hope).
 * 41) * The paragraph about criminals avoiding Svivren and the New Republic using it would fit better under "History" rather than "Svivren in the galaxy" since it says nothing about Svivren offworld. I'll get to "History" next! ~ SavageBob 23:52, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) **Done. Yay! Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:43, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Looking good! I still need to read through "History," so I'll try to do so soon! ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * OK, "History": The stuff about Senator Sauro seems to in there twice. Can you consolidate?
 * 45) **Done.
 * 46) * There are a few of points that seem pertinent to Svivren the planet, but not necessarily the Svivreni species. I'm thinking specifically about the Mara Jade, Garm Bel Iblis, and Talon Karrde visits, and the attitude of New Republic pilots to the planet post-Thrawn. Maybe these bits should be cut, since they don't seem to pertain to this article?
 * 47) **Garm's visit cut; others I think it's important: MJ's visit led to the battle; Karrde explains the importance of Svivreni as traders; pilots, partly cut, but keep about Svivreni welcoming them when most people didn't. Fine with you?
 * 48) * The section about after the New Republic is so short that perhaps it should be collapsed up into the previous section, which could be retitled accordingly.
 * 49) **Done.
 * 50) * There should be more info that can be gleaned from the Essential Atlas; when the area was first well-explored by the Republic, etc. That's it! Nice work! ~ SavageBob 21:58, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * OK, that's not it. A bit more! Is the "quinoid" of the infobox supposed to be "equinoid"?
 * 52) **Typo. Done.
 * 53) * Does WOTC provide age ranges for their childhood, adolescence, adulthood, etc.? If so, this should be included in the article.
 * 54) **Done, forgot to specify till now; just to not have objections unstroken.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 22:18, January 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * I think the captions of the article are too terse. Can you expand them to full sentences that explain something from the article? For example, rather than labeling the first image "A Svivreni," make it a sentence about their clothing, or their manes, or their height.
 * 56) **Done.
 * 57) * In the first paragraph of "Social behavior," you seem to be repeating the information that they forbid weapons on their world in the first two sentences. One could be scrapped.
 * 58) **Done.
 * 59) * The fact that they can snort, while worth noting, should probably be moved somewhere else. Perhaps "Biology and appearance," when you talk about their snout? Or does the original source indicate that the snorting is part of their language?
 * 60) **Done.
 * 61) * "Jade then left the planet among the remains of the battle." Can you explain what you mean? I'm picturing the planet surrounded by debris or something.
 * 62) **Have a look; the "battle" was little more than an arrest-gone-really-wrong; maybe
 * 63) * The Svivreni resistance and Battle of Svivren (or Siege of Svivren) should get articles (from "The New Republic" section).
 * 64) **Added three stubs. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:38, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Can you include the author of Jedi Quest: The School of Fear as you do for The Last Command (from "Behind the scenes")?
 * 66) **Done; one of the main reasons I've done this, after all.
 * 67) * The compromise from WOTC's website: I understand that it treats them as medium-sized characters for equipment and encumbrance purposes, but does it treat them as small for dodging/targeting purposes? If so, this should be spelled out just a bit more clearly in the final sentence of the article. ~ SavageBob 20:47, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) **Have a look.
 * 69) * OK, last few items! I think it's too much to describe Tyro Caladian so much under "Biology and appearance." The fact that he's a young adult is probably enough to mention (thus deleting the stuff about his career).
 * 70) **Done.
 * 71) * Under "Social behavior," you seem to mention that weapons are forbidden in both of the first two sentences.
 * 72) **Uh? It's a long sentence with three footnotes to specify all the known details, but it is one sentence.
 * 73) ***Hmm. Not sure what I had in mind! ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Finally, can you indicate what year it was that we got to see our first depiction of Svivreni (from "Behind the scenes")? ~ SavageBob 04:59, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **Added the book it's from; it's year had been already added. Btw, hope you liked the article. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:38, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ***Most definitely! I think this is your best species nom to date. ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)

Rugosa

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 01:45, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A GA tipped over 1k by Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Official Episode Guide: Season 1

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:17, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Cool planet moon. ~ SavageBob 00:04, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *Well, actually it's a moon. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 02:58, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 11:54, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:17, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * "After five thousand years of galactic dominance, plague caused the collapse of the Infinite Empire and eventually the end of their presence on the moon." Sort of confusing when you say "their" as opposed to "its" since you're talking about an organization. Due to TEA, wouldn't the Rakata dominate Rugosa? Therefore, you possibly could replace Infinite Empire with Rakata, and leave "their".
 * 3) * "However, this plan was intercepted by a Confederacy of Independent Systems listening post on the Mid Rim world of Ruusan, and reported to the Confederacy leader Count Dooku." Their was no listening post in the planet of Ruusan IIRC. Their was, however, a listening post in Ruusan's moon, Ruusan 2.
 * 4) *A very good read, Ey. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 23:36, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks for the review, Jang. Both should hopefully be addressed now. --Eyrezer 02:09, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The clone
 * 7) *Can you expand the Mission to Rugosa content at all? The level of detail is rather inadequate at the moment, as a whole episode was dedicated to it. While I'm not looking for a length to rival that of the article, it could really use some expansion.
 * 8) *The episode is not a source for the Separatists' interception of the transmission.
 * 9) *More to come after these have been fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 08:07, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Icehead

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 06:32, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is a GA, but it's long enough to meet FA requirements. Whether it's of sufficient quality for FA, I leave for you to judge. :) ~ SavageBob 06:32, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) I'm happy with all the changes since I reviewed it for GAN. --Eyrezer 00:49, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:44, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Snowy-O, snow-O! Kreivi Wolter 17:20, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Ahh! Meant to add my support a while ago. I am certainly not a nicehead. Menkooroo 04:20, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 03:05, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) * The intro's a little confusing without context on what the season scepter is. Maybe call it a "powerful artifact" like you do in the body.
 * 2) * The first paragraph in behind the scenes seems to switch between present and past tense. Menkooroo 05:02, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Hmm. Thanks for the comments; I've tried to address them. The present/past is still a bit mixed, but this is necessitated by the fact that descriptions of fictional narratives are supposed to be in the "literary present" tense. I hope it's clearer now! ~ SavageBob 05:15, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *** Bts looks good. The only change I recommend is in the first sentence, changing "first appear" to "first appeared", based on the precedent that's been set by other FA's.
 * 5) ****The problem is that "first appeared" implies that they appeared later, and they didn't. The episode is their only appearance, and since it still exists (you can watch it on Google Videos), it calls for present tense. ~ SavageBob 06:04, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * In "Biology and appearance", the second paragraph reads a little awkwardly --- sentences starting with "The head", "the mouth", "the jaw" don't come off as very encyclopedic. I'd recommend rephrasing what you're trying to say there in different prose. Menkooroo 04:38, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **I'm not sure why they're unencyclopedic; check out the Britannica article on kangaroos, for instance: "The head is relatively small; the ears are (in most macropodids) large and rounded; and the mouth is small, with prominent lips." There are several other examples of encyclopedias using this kind of phrasing. ~ SavageBob 06:04, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***I take back the word "unencyclopedic" --- it still reads a little awkwardly compared to some of the other (excellent) articles you've written, though, such as Nosaurian, but, eh, that's a preference of mine, and different people have different writing styles. Cheers. Menkooroo 10:32, December 6, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ganner Krieg

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 07:00, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ganner? I barely know her.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kreig's my favorite Imp. Knight, next to Treis Sinde.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:00, December 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era.
 * Updated for Issue 43 of Legacy. Menkooroo 13:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Khorm

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:04, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This one has been sitting on my back for a very long time, but finally it's done. The longest TCW comic battle article (and my own FAN) so far.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) --ARC-Captain Fordo 21:23, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Kreivi Wolter 11:16, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Sigel Dare

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 13:55, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Die in the name of the true Emperor!

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) It is good to see the three main Imp. Knights put for the FA's.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:42, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era
 * Updated for Issue 43 of Legacy. Menkooroo 13:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)

Shaela Nuur

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 08:57, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This was one of the first I ever planned to do.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great job, Trayus.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:18, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks very good. Keep up the good work, Trayus! --<Font color="SaddleBrown">Jawaman <Font color="SaddleBrown">Want to buy a used droid? 18:14, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A few for you&hellip;
 * 2) * Please capatilize all instances of "Master".
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * In the third paragraph of the intro, I think it would be good for the Jedi Civil War to be mentioned.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * and he believed her to be his most promising student yet. Is the "yet" necessary?
 * 7) **Not really.
 * 8) * In the second paragraph of "The Great Hunt", can it be mentioned that Duron was a cousin of the former Sith Lord Ulic Qel-Droma? I think it's noteworthy enough to be mentioned.
 * 9) **I think it's useful information, but I'm afraid it would detract from the paragraph's flow and drag the focus away from her a bit much. It also may be confusing after having already stated that Kun was a Sith Lord, and I don't want to have to go into any more history of the Great Sith War if it's not absolutely necessary.
 * 10) ***No problem, I understand.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:18, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * as well as Cale Berkona and an unidentified Cathar Jedi. Please remove the unidentified from here.
 * 12) **Knew I should have taken that out. Done.
 * 13) * Can an article be created for Nuur's datapad? It would be similar to the Calo Nord's datapad article.
 * 14) **I've redlinked it for now. I'll get to making it sometime soon.
 * 15) * In the Categories, is there any source that explicitly states that she was a Jedi Sentinel? You might want to ask around about that. Maybe Leland Chee could answer that.
 * 16) **No source whatsoever. That was just left over from the original article. My bad for not taking it out.
 * 17) *That's it. Impressive work, Trayus, would like to see you nom Qel-Droma and Saresh.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:30, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thank you very much. And I may sometime get to them sometime soon. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:16, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Many thanks to Jedi Kasra for help with several sources. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 17:12, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

Khar Delba

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:09, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eh.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Lo Khan

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:35, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Let the witty Star Trek references begin.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) This is Ceti Alpha Five!  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:34, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 04:41, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Floydinator:
 * 2) * Intro: Give a little more context on what happened in the Gamor Run. Why was he there? What was he doing?
 * 3) **Expanded.
 * 4) *<S>Intro: "Luwingo saved Khan's life in a shootout with a rival smuggler and proceeded to hire the Yaka as his bodyguard," Reword. Sounds like Luwingo hired himself as a bodyguard.
 * 5) **Reworded.
 * 6) * Intro: "Khan agreed to let them store the ship they were borrowing," Who were borrowing? All three of them? Just Zend and Ninx?
 * 7) **Clarified
 * 8) *<S>Intro: Why would the probot fire on the Falcon? Clarify.
 * 9) **It actually fired on the Marauder, I've reworded that sentence to make it clearer.
 * 10) * Intro: "Zend and Ninx came back to visit Khan in the Byss Bistro to recover a ship they lost to the Imperials" What ship? The Falcon?
 * 11) **Clarified.
 * 12) * Intro: "Khan and the smuggler fleet aided the New Republic forces in escaping the doomed mission and proceeded to help in the evacuation of New Alderaan" A little more context on these two events.
 * 13) **Contextified.
 * 14) *<S>"Upon picking up the shipment, Khan was surprised to learn it was a spice consignment from the royal governor of the Thokosia system destined for the Aikhibba system, one of the minor stopping points along the Gamor Run." Why would he be surprised to learn this? Clarify.
 * 15) **The Dark Empire Sourcebook doesn't explain why he was surprised. I'm guessing he was shocked that a person of royalty was dealing spice to a crime lord, but I wasn't sure whether that would be considered speculation. Should I still add the info?
 * 16) ***Nah, its fine.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:34, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Khan was running low on fuel but he figured it was better to raise to ship than wait for Uxbeg to arrive." Raise to ship? What does this mean? Personally, I don't really understand this sentence.
 * 18) **Reworded.
 * 19) *<S>"Khan was shocked to learn that Spadda was the infamous gang lord Spadda the Hutt," Kinda redundant, since you basically say that he's the infamous gang lord Spadda the Hutt in the previous paragraph.
 * 20) **Khan didn't know the Spadda he shipping the spice to was Spadda the Hutt. I've removed the info about Spadda being a Hutt crime lord from the first paragraph and kept it in the second to clarify that Khan didn't know he was shipping spice to an infamous crime lord.
 * 21) * Context on the Millennium Falcon in Aiding the New Republic.
 * 22) **Contextified.
 * 23) * Why would Han and Leia allow themselves to be captured? Clarify.
 * 24) **Clarified.
 * 25) * "Lo Khan allowed his fellow smugglers to conceal the Falcon inside the Hyperspace Marauder, docked at the Imperial Freight Complex on Byss, where he and Luwingo joined their colleagues at the complex's cantina, the Byss Bistro." Clear this up a little bit; was the Hyperspace Marauder already docked at Byss, or did it dock after the Falcon was concealed?
 * 26) **Clarified.
 * 27) *<S>Just a suggestion: The paragraphs in Aiding the New Republic are positively gigantic. I would prefer that you break them up a little to make it easier to navigate, but it's your call.
 * 28) **Good idea. I've split the two paragraphs in half.
 * 29) * Context on chrysalide rancors. What are they?
 * 30) **Contextified.
 * 31) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:22, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Thank you for the review! Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 01:07, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Second Battle of Geonosis

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 01:36, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: FAN, TCW has returned. Thank you very much to for helping out with the initial stages of the article.

(0 Inqs/5 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very good Commander Rex, you are apparently strong in the Force.--Sean Red 17:26, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Captain Rex  JangFett  (Talk) 21:55, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Yes, thank you, Jang.  CC7567  (talk) 22:04, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Great job, CC7567! I have seen your article from start to finish and I must say: it looks fantastic. --<Font color="SaddleBrown">Jawaman <Font color="SaddleBrown">No, I did NOT steal your droid! 18:12, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Flamethrowers! Menkooroo 16:55, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Good job as always, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:32, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  11:09, January 15, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A quick glance:
 * 2) * Bts refers to Ki-Adi and Barriss as Expanded Universe characters --- they're actually both from the films.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Aftermath: It ends on a cliffhanger; the suspense is killing me! Maybe a sentence or two indicating that the dire fight for survival was won by the goodguys would give the article closure while avoiding veering into irrelevant territory.
 * 5) **I'm sorry, but I honestly don't feel it's entirely relevant, and there always ends up being more information than there should be. The article to the Skirmish is already linked if the reader finds it interesting.
 * 6) ***Well, as the brain worms came from the battle itself, I think it's relevant as a quick note in "aftermath" --- even just an additional half-sentence at the end saying "an attempt that ultimately failed" or something? If not, no worries, but I thought I'd try one more time. Menkooroo 01:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****My view still stands on the matter.  CC7567  (talk) 04:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****Can't blame a guy for trying. :^P
 * 9) * Second paragraph of intro --- Ahsoka and Barris sneaked into the facility --- should it be snuck?
 * 10) **"Snuck" is less formal and mostly less used; "sneaked" is more appropriate in this case.
 * 11) *Will definitely give it a full review within the week! Menkooroo 08:47, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 18:28, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Full review!
 * 14) * Second paragraph of intro: "Tano and Offee" is used twice in close succession. Maybe change the second instance to something like "The pair" or "The two padawans"?
 * 15) **I feel that being more consistent is better in this case, and it also leaves no room for speculation that "the pair" could refer to their Masters instead.
 * 16) * Image caption punctuation: I'm not sure if it's an actual policy or not, but as far as I know, only complete sentences are to end in punctuation. For example, a descriptive caption like "The Republic gunships are ravaged by Geonosian gunners while attempting to land" should not, while "The Republic gunships were ravaged by Geonosian gunners while attempting to land", recalling an actual event, should. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, and if I am, I apologize.
 * 17) **I'm not sure I understand your reasoning. Whether "The Republic gunships are ravaged by Geonosian gunners while attempting to land." is "descriptive" or not, it's still a sentence as defined by the English language.
 * 18) ***Going by what I gathered from Havac's Darth Caedus article: A sentence describing what's happening in the picture, in present tense, shouldn't end with a sentence, whereas something in past tense should. I don't think too many Wookieepedians are clear on the matter, and there are a lot of FA's that don't follow it, so I'll strike the objection. I'm not sure if it's an actual policy, either, actually.
 * 19) * Penultimate paragraph of Rough Landing opens with "Having spent the time reallocated resources since Commander Jet's previous request," --- Is this supposed to be "reallocating"?
 * 20) **Yes, thank you for catching that. Fixed.
 * 21) * Final sentence of final paragraph of that section also runs on for a long time without any punctuation; some rewording might help make it read less awkwardly.
 * 22) **Adjusted.
 * 23) * Attack on the Main Foundry: "Skywalker and Unduli swung under the bridge and across its underbelly" --- context on what they used to swing?
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * Also in that section: "grimly but alive"... should it be "grim but alive"?
 * 26) **Actually, it was supposed to be "grimy." Fixed.
 * 27) * The Geonosians' Threat: The Geonosians are referred to as "insects" at one point; Note the difference between insects and insectoids.
 * 28) **Fixed.
 * 29) * I'd like to see a quick note made on Queen Karina's prodigious size. Very nitpicky things that hardly detract from a fantastic article; great use of the episode guides as sources. A very good read. Menkooroo 01:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **Thanks very much for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 04:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) Fett takes a look (Yes, my head is still intact)
 * 32) * "also known simply as the Battle of Geonosis" I would remove this bit from the intro, CC. Seeing that another official source from SW.com corrected themselves by stating this was the Second Battle of Geonosis. The Battle of Geonosis was the beginning battle of the Clone Wars, which obviously wasn't this CW battle.
 * 33) **Removed.
 * 34) * Afterward, you say "early in the Clone Wars". Due to the unestablished CW timeline, I would replace it with "around 22 BBY," as always when it comes to TCW battle articles. I didn't wanted to replace it myself, because I wanted you to decide.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * Do you have any source indicating that the Battle of Geonosis was "historic"? Kinda OR/ POV if not.
 * 37) **Removed.
 * 38) * "In the midst of the ongoing fight against the Geonosians, Captain Rex contacted Commander Cody to request reinforcements for Skywalker but found that Kenobi would be unable to give support, as Kenobi himself had been shot down" If you read the end of this sentence, it sounds like Kenobi was killed.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) *Other than that, great work CC. I made some minor edits too during my copyedit. Feel free to change them if you like. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 06:09, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) **Thank you for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 08:04, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) Only one little thing: at the end of Weapons Factory, I think the exchange between Luminara and Anakin about accepting that their Padawans may have died and that Anakin was less willing to do so is worth a mention, otherwise they may not have rescued the Padawans. Nevertheless, a superb job as always CC.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  22:26, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) *I have to disagree; Tano's own actions were what saved her and Offee, not their Masters' worrying over them. Regardless of how notable Skywalker's and Unduli's views were, they did not have a direct affect on the battle and belong in the character articles, not that of the battle. Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 04:02, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) Xd
 * 45) * Do we really add a &dagger; after destroyed ships? Xd1358  Talk 20:53, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) **To my knowledge, yes.  CC7567  (talk) 02:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ***I should've checked if first, sorry.
 * 48) * One more: I think you should mention the year in the prelude to give the reader an idea when it was. Xd1358  Talk 05:43, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) **It's already linked in there for the reader's use, and I'm personally getting tired of the blatant "around 22 BBY" that is becoming trademark on all TCW articles. It doesn't have to be stated outright for the reader to pick it up.  CC7567  (talk) 06:44, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ***Fair enough. But you're right, the 22 BBY is getting a bit boring. Xd1358  Talk 13:19, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Concord Dawn

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 07:57, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No locations section, you'll notice; there's really nothing to be said, and since it's called a guideline in the LG I think it's best not to force it in there.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 01:10, December 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 06:05, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) *Can you provide some context for what a Mandalore is in the first paragraph of the "History" section? Ditto for "Journeyman Protector".
 * 3) *Does Vizsla's coup have an article? It probably should, as coups are major events.
 * 4) *Does the story indicate whether Papa Fett had more than one son? If it's just Jango, we should add commas around his name in this phrase: "and they took Fett's son Jango hotage..." Ditto with "their daughter Arla".
 * 5) *Just a tad of context on Count Dooku would be nice, such as where he was a count of maybe, or that he was acting on orders of Sidious (if he was) or that he was a Sith.
 * 6) *I'm not sure the New Zealand band is notable enough for our article. Are they famous? Is there any press on them? What separates them from the average fan band?
 * 7) *I know you don't want to force a Locations section, but I think you could do one. Currently, the article mentions farms and homesteads and towns, but there is no mention of these features in any kind of sociological sense. I'd like to see a "Locations" section that mentions these settlement patterns if possible. If you still feel it's unnecessary, I won't oppose you, but in my opinion, such a section is warranted. A very nice piece; good work. ~ SavageBob 20:35, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Massacre on Doan

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:16, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The opening event in Dynasty of Evil, and my first nom in a while

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:23, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:03, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd does some Floyd-related things:
 * 2) * "Gerran's wife, Serra, became depressed, and her bodyguard, Lucia, decided to hire the assassin known as the Huntress to assassinate Gelba, the miners' leader." Please split up/reword; there are too many commas and therefore reads somewhat unwieldy.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "The next day, Doan's King agreed with Serra that she should travel to the Jedi Temple to ensure the Jedi that the Royal Family hadn't been behind the attack." Please contextify; no indication was given in the intro that anyone suspected the Royal Family was behind the attack.
 * 5) **Contextified.
 * 6) * The second paragraph of the intro generally doesn't flow well.
 * 7) **Hopefully addressed.
 * 8) * " Tandar drew his lightsaber, but as he reached out with the Force it felt strange and cold to him, like a punch in the gut" Punch in the gut; could less colloquial language be used here?
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) *That's all. Nice job.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 02:13, January 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 02:31, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Otana

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:59, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Otana is a beauty of a ship that I would love to fly!

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 02:06, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Xamster

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 04:44, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Their name sounds like a social networking site, filesharing network, or some other failed startup.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xamster gets one uservote, now it's tied with Svivreni in the greatest podrace since Sneevel's FAN... Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:59, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be Farlstendoiroed
 * 2) * Intro: "The Xamster's cohabited" Is the apostrophe needed? I can't understand why it is there (And, as I don't, I don't edit it myself).
 * 3) **Oops; typo. Addressed.
 * 4) * Bio: "for instance, a Xamster might feature one hue..." You mean a hypothetical Xamster can have those hues? Or is there some specific Xamster who has that specific hues? In that case, you should not use conditionals.
 * 5) **Well, it's based on Neva Kee's appearance, so maybe it's better now?
 * 6) * Bio: Besides, I am not sure about the "Three crests of spiky growths": Are we still talking about the posibilities of a hypothetical Xamster, or does each Xamster have the three crests?
 * 7) **I'm assuming this is a standard part of Xamster anatomy. Is it any clearer now?
 * 8) * Society: Please context on malvil-trees on first menction.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * Society: "In return, the Xamsters could take up residence" - So, they take up residence only sometimes? In that case, you should specify. If they did always take up residence, then you should reword it. I can't understand if all Xamster communities, or only some of them, do this.
 * 11) **That was a "could" of permission, but I see how that could be confusing, so I've tried to clarify.
 * 12) * Hist: About Tal-Gun: I understand you have no specific link between Tal-Gun and the Xamsters, or you would have already mentioned it in Culture, true?
 * 13) **There's no specific mention, only the notion that the martial art was taught on Xagobah. I thought about not including it, but did so in this way just to be on the safe side.
 * 14) * Later Hist: Suggestion: Would you consider adding a little more context to the Eriadu Authority? Simply "under Imperial Admiral Sander Delvardus". I had never heard of the EA and that would give me some much-wanted details without following the link.
 * 15) **I'm not sure this is necessary; the Eriadu Authority is already described as an Imperial remnant, and I don't want to go into much more detail than that, since it would be off-topic, I think. What do you think? ~ SavageBob 00:16, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) * In the galaxy: Neva Kee. Please, consider giving specific references to the details given on him and providing details about Kee visiting planets. For instance, TPM movie, TPM book, Ep1 Ins Guide, Ep1 Racer, probably are references to some of the sentences. More specifically: Ep1 Racer must include some track as Kee's favored one, and the planet it's in (Baroo Coast on Baroonda?); the article could use a mention to a Xamster being a favorite in the track of Baroonda.
 * 17) **Everything is referenced, and I list some other sources that give broad overviews of his career in a footnote in BTS. I've added his favored track; what do you think now? ~ SavageBob 00:16, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Particolored". Learning vocabulary through FAN ·:P - and great job too. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:24, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **I'll get to your other objections soon. ~ SavageBob 16:50, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Everything should be addressed except for the stuff I've commented on above. Thanks for the great review! ~ SavageBob 00:16, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Vor

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:31, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Short name, long article. One of these species of WP:A.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) The coolest reptavimammals in the Star Wars galaxy. I eagerly await the next alien from Farlstendoiro. ~ SavageBob 07:17, January 21, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Intro is way too short.  Xd1358  Talk 18:48, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:06, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 4) * Can you mention that they are a sentient species in the first sentence of the lead? Without the picture, they could be a human race, or even a conglomeration of many species, so it's best to be specific up front.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "reptilian mammals"? Isn't that an oxymoron? Should they be classified as reptomammals? Go with that the sources say, but this was confusing (ah, Star Wars)!
 * 7) **No: Some sources say reptilians, some say mammals, none sais reptomammals; there's a note in BtS about it. Done nothing.
 * 8) * "capable of creating great beauty through their music" --> Do they consider this beauty, or do outsiders, or do both? It would be good to say, so that this line doesn't come off as POV-ish.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * "Unfortunately, the Empire..." --> Be careful of ''unfortunately" inn the lead.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Can you mention what sector their world was in at some point in the article?
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * The images make it seem that other colors than green were possible for their skin (I notice this a lot with Star Wars art; the artists take a lot of leeway with text descriptions).
 * 15) **Done nothing. That could be a light trick or war paints, and the source mentioning skin colors is explicit and determinant.
 * 16) *** Fair point; in that case, can you add something to either BTS or at least a footnote mentioning that images show them with yellows and browns as well? ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Done.
 * 18) * Do the sources call their beak "vestigial"? It's hard to imagine that they didn't still use it, to talk, eat, etc.
 * 19) **Done nothing. Jedi Academy Sourcebook says so explicitly.
 * 20) ***Someone at WEG didn't understand what "vestigial" means, but OK. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * There's some present tense mixed into the "Biology" section, so be careful.
 * 22) **Done.
 * 23) * "Until that time, let no music sound. No pipe shall be blown, nor voiced raised in song. It would be a mockery of our broken sacred place. In silence the first Cathedral was born, so it will be again. Let all heed this command." Should that be "voice" rather than "voiced"? I would just change it myself, but since it's a direct quote, I wanted to be sure.
 * 24) **Done. Good one, btw.
 * 25) * Again, "the voice... was particularly beautiful . . . " In the eye of which beholder?
 * 26) **Done.
 * 27) * Can you combine some of the shorter paragraphs with others? Particularly, the one about the treaty of the Vors being signed and the one about their alignment during the Clone Wars are very short.
 * 28) **Done.
 * 29) * "six other avians" --> I thought they were reptile/mammals, not avians?
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * "so-called Galactic Empire" --> I don't think the "so-called" is necessary; it was the Galactic Empire!
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "ceased to appreciate the visit of aliens." --> This is a bit confusing. Did they stop allowing visitors to come to their planet? Or they just didn't think much of such visits anymore?
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * Ackbar's crash into the Cathedral of the Winds and the aftermath are well described, but the section is pretty long as well and more detailed than any other part of the article. I'd suggest condensing the section considerably and moving the longer version to a new article, titled however you see fit. Ideally, I'd say you need a paragraph about initial overtures and the crash, a paragraph about the Vor reconstruction, a paragraph about the New Republic response (Ackbar's resignation, Wedge and Qwi's visit), and a paragraph about the resolution of the investigation and reopening of the cathedral.
 * 36) **Done!
 * 37) * I'm not sure why Qwi Xux's moving to Vortex is relevant to the species article; I'd suggest cutting this.
 * 38) **Modified, so it mentions that Vors are welcoming visitors once again, which I think is important. What do you think now?
 * 39) ***The article doesn't need the note that her memory of the event was so strong it couldn't be wiped, but it's much better now. ~ SavageBob 00:00, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) *** This objection take a bit closer of a look, so I'll get back to you later today. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * Perhaps the fact that they lack any hair should be mentioned in "Biology and culture"?
 * 42) **Done.
 * 43) * Again, why "so-called" Battle of Vortex? Either it was or wasn't a battle...
 * 44) **Done.
 * 45) * Again, be careful with the "unfortunately" in the description of the battle.
 * 46) **Done.
 * 47) * In the paragraph about the smugglers' alliance, Calrissian, etc., it's unclear how this has anything to do with Vors. I'm guessing one of these characters discussed is a Vor, but could you clarify who?
 * 48) **Done.
 * 49) * Do we have an aerobat article? If not, please link the term and make one. Sounds fun!
 * 50) **Done.
 * 51) * You mention several offworld Vors in the History section (particularly the last few paragraphs); perhaps mention again some of the worlds Vors were known to reside on in the "Vors in the galaxy" section.
 * 52) **Done.
 * 53) * Can you beef up your captions a bit? Also, it might be a good idea to move pictures closer to text to make the images more illustrative. For example, the Cathedral of the Winds image could be moved to the section of the article talking about that structure.
 * 54) **Done.
 * 55) * I'll copy edit the article when I get a chance. Good work so far, as always. ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) **One objection pending. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:14, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) **All done now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) *** Let me copy edit the article, then I will support! ~ SavageBob 00:00, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * "Vor was the name of the only sentient species..." This sounds odd to me. Why the emphasis on their being the only native sentients? Most of our species articles don't do this. I'm also not sure the pronunciation is necessarily; I can't really think of another way to pronounce "Vor" than to rhyme with "for" and "bore."
 * 60) ** Both removed, even if I digress. "only" added to article on Vortex.
 * 61) * Does the Jedi Academy Sourcebook specifically call them avians? Avian redirects to bird, so if so, we need to adjust our articles!
 * 62) ** Page 117. Omniscient narrator might be metaphorical, but I doubt it.
 * 63) ** "The Vors are delicate hollow-bone reptilian avian humanoids who ride the winds on lacy wings"
 * 64) *** Ay-ay-ay... Now they are reptiles, birds, and mammals? C'mon, SW expanded universe authors! :) I suppose that the discussion of their avian-ness should go together where you describe them as mammals and reptiles, then, since they are apparently now part of three families instead of two. I looked up "avian" and, really, the only definition for the word is "of or having to do with birds," so I'm not sure there's any other way. :/ ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ****Give it a try. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:12, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) * You need a source after "with mammalian features." Sorry if I accidentally deleted it in my copy edit. Did I?
 * 67) ** Re-added. Tsk, tsk ·;)
 * 68) * What do you mean by their eyes occasionally being covered by lids? Did some members of the species not have eyelids, or do you mean they sometimes closed their eyes?
 * 69) ** Uh, modified.
 * 70) * Should the bit about their intelligence go under "society and culture"? I think at least the bit about their being able to work together well should, but maybe all of it would fit in better one section down. I may have more as I continue the copy edit. Désolé! ~ SavageBob 06:36, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ** Added info to note why it shouldn't go there. And, feel free to keep going, do you worst `:) Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:31, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) *** Bwahahahaha! :P More to come as I copy edit the other sections, maybe. ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) * OK, in "Society and culture", the first and second paragraphs both basically say that they were seemingly emotionless but not really, and here's why. The third paragraph, too, has some overlap, where you talk about how they try to avoid conflict. I'm wondering if they should be combined, or perhaps rewritten so that you have one paragraph about how they appear to outsiders, then another paragraph about the true situation (about how they stifle their emotions to maintain harmony and work for the big picture). What do you think? ~ SavageBob 19:32, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) **Modified to use 1st paragraph to talk about the alien impression; 2nd to talk about the reality Vors hide, and 3rd for anything else. Tell me if you like it.
 * 75) * "Those winds were very influential on Vor culture." Can you say how?
 * 76) **Hmmm... Don't know what I had in mind when I wrote that. Removed.
 * 77) * "which served as their homeworld before any other consideration." I'm not sure what this means. What other consideration?
 * 78) **Official alien classification: Homeworld instead of trading center, stronghold or anything. Modified. Better?
 * 79) * What does "stethyc" mean? I can't find a definition online. ~ SavageBob 21:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) **Fixed. I went back to the source as I was spellchecking it, and the source said "aesthetic." -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:53, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Was the Cathedral of the Winds only made centuries before 0 BBY? I think the Atlas says that it was millennia before, since it was a Wonder of the Galaxy.
 * 82) ** Atlas supersedes previous sources; modified.
 * 83) * Can you explain "forecasted event"? It was predicted each year? ~ SavageBob 21:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ** "Eagerly awaited"?
 * 85) * Do we know that they sided with the Republic in the Clone Wars, or just that their planet fell in Republic-controlled territory?
 * 86) ** Modified.
 * 87) * Do we know who retired the initial offer to join the New Republic? It would be nice to know whether the Republic or the Vors did this, if the sources specify.
 * 88) ** Sources specify that the Vors did nothing like that. So, it must have been Mothma.
 * 89) * I still think the first paragraph of "New Jedi Order and beyond" is beyond the scope of this article, more appropriate to Vortex maybe. I think it's OK to mention Xux going there and being given the job of her choice, but the fact that Luke came to visit and she was torn up about the flute incident, and Dae'shara-whatever was there, these all seem superfluous. The population is important to note, however.
 * 90) ** OK.
 * 91) * Why did they respect Jaina Solo? Do we know?
 * 92) ** I think because she was a war hero, but OS is not really that specific.
 * 93) * Do we know how the Hutt was treated like a Vor? What does it mean to be treated like a Vor? That would be good info to add if it's known.
 * 94) ** Expanded. Better?
 * 95) * "the threat was weighed up" --> can you elaborate what is meant here? Will get to the final two sections soon! ~ SavageBob 19:01, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ** Expanded. Better?
 * 97) * What is meant by "the dominant tendencies of the galaxy"? Do you mean trends, styles, that kind of thing?
 * 98) ** Yep. Modified.
 * 99) * Do the sources say how aerobats make a living? Do they daredevil fly for their own fun, or do they perform, or what?
 * 100) ** Seriously, I can't say anything else about aerobats without assuming.
 * 101) * The bit about Vortex's spaceport seems more appropriate to "Society and culture" since it doesn't deal with Vors offworld. ~ SavageBob 16:56, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) ** OK. Have a look now.Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) *** One last objection pending (the bit about them being birds as well as mammals and reptiles). The article is looking very, very nice. ~ SavageBob 15:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 104) ****Should be done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:12, January 21, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * "[T]hey lived in underground hummocks." I learned a new word, thanks! :) ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Duel on Kuar

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 06:02, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:A Good article that made it over the FAN hump courtesy of the latest KOTOR issue. The "Indomitable" Mandalore gets PWNED.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 16:36, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) You gotta admit, the image from KotOR 48 is sweet.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:48, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Is there a reason for listing the Mandalorian warriors and Krath soldiers in the infobox? IMO since they didn't actually participate in any way, they shouldn't be listed.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Is the name "Battle of Kuar" explicitly referenced in any canonical source? Unless it is, this should probably be moved to Duel on Kuar per that comment on the talk page.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Otherwise, great job as usual. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:31, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for your help and review, Master Jonathan. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 00:44, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * Since the article is conjecturally titled, the literal title should not be bolded in the intro, just the word(s) that best describe the event. Try "A duel occurred on the planet Kuar&hellip;"
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * There are two instances of "Battle of Kuar" left in the BTS that now need to be reworded.
 * 11) **That's what I get for being hasty, lol. Addressed.
 * 12) *** Still one left: "Anderson used the comic Edge of the Whirlwind, along with the Battle of Kuar,"
 * 13) ****Got it.
 * 14) *That should be it. :) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:51, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks again, MJ> —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:03, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) or Krath Sith sorceress Aleema Keto&hellip; I know what you mean, but those unfamiliar with the subject material might not. Can you reword this so show that she was a Sith aligned with the Krath? That's it. Good job as usual, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:05, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) *Changed it to "co-commander." See if that's good, and thanks for the review JK. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 00:48, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) **That's good. Great job, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:48, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lumiya's lightwhip

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:07, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Bad chick wit' a weapon&mdash;metal, leather, & light; somethin special, not yo average, baddest lil' thing in sight&hellip;

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I didn't find much wrong with the article. However, the lightwhip was packaged along with Lumiya, Luke Skywalker, and his lightsabers in the comic pack with Star Wars 96. Can you add this in the BTS? --Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:01, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *All set. Thanks a lot for the review and that bit of information. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 20:49, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **The rest of the article looks good to me. Good job, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * has already been asked to provide rescans for the three poor-quality images. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:07, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * And here's that for the comic pack link for you. According to it, Lumiya is an all new figure. .--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:33, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thank you sooooo much for that, Kasra. I owe you one. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 20:49, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * No problem.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is it OK to use RebeScum's photos without permission? I know LucasFilm doesn't care if we use stuff fair use, but RebelScum might. It's often safer to use Hasbro's official photos (like this one), or to just email RebelScum and ask. ~ SavageBob 03:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Rahm Kota

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 01:48, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally done! Special thanks to for supplying detailed Elite Squadron info, and  for giving it the once over for me. Read it before TFU II screws with it!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Sha'a Gi

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 02:04, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Zoinks! Hey Scoob, old buddy, old pal!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) http://objection.ytmnd.com
 * 2) *Yo! I know that most of the BTS info is self-referencing, but the lack of sourcing in the paragraph leaves some confusion as to where the info: "but soon received the name "Sha'a Gi" in reference to Tartakovsky's comment when StarWars.com added the character to their Databank." Where is that info from? It's not from the databank --- is it speculation that the name was given specifically in reference to Genndy's comment in the audio commentary? Or does Genndy specifically mention the name "Sha'a Gi" in the commentary? If it is speculation, it should be reworded --- the connection is pretty obvious, but it could still be reworded to avoid speculative wording. If I'm wrong, and it's not speculation, adding sources to BTS would clear up the confusion.
 * 3) **Reworded to remove speculation.
 * 4) *Final sentence of the opening blurb --- before you mention that Gi rushed out into the open, can you mention that the Jedi survivors were hiding?
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) *Make sure all instances of "Master" are capitalized. Menkooroo 08:40, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Corrected. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:13, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments