Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Asli Krimsan's holocron


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Asli Krimsan's holocron

 * Nominated by: Yrfeloran 18:13, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hey look, it's not a character.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Excellent work. I'd love to see featured articles on other holocrons.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:46, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 17:17, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Lord Hydronium 14:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:29, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Much, if not all, of the article is written in two- and three-sentence paragraphs. It would be greatly appreciated if you could do your best to merge them together.-- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:45, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I really don't see a problem with that arrangement, as the paragraphs don't seem to be disjointed. Were there any specific instances that could be improved? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:49, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Grass clippings:
 * 4) * Maybe a touch more on the functionality of the item as a holocron in the Properties section would be nice.
 * 5) **Sure. Yrfeloran 03:12, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * This sentence needs a bit more clarity: "The primary purpose of Asli Krimsan's holocron was to provide resources for the education of Jedi children to future Jedi Masters." Do we mean Jedi from children to future Jedi Masters? Or something different? Please reword.
 * 7) **It's teaching Jedi Masters how to teach children. Changed. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * Referring to the Potentium as heresy straight off is POV. Please revisit how you explain this example.
 * 9) **Eh, changed. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The word "holocron" is used quite heavily&mdash;perhaps some alternatives could be worked in to make the read more pleasant?
 * 11) **Short of "glowy cube", I'm not sure what would work. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Object, device, what-have you. Anything aside from "holocron &hellip; the holocron &hellip; holocron." Graestan ( Talk ) 03:17, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ****If I may, I used "device" on Adas...and it seems to have worked out OK so far. Thefourdotelipsis 03:44, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * The nature of the drugs the Ranats used should be provided. Also, the Ranats' employ should be stated up front to avoid later confusion.
 * 15) **Sure. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * The last paragraph of the BtS is pure OR/speculation/extrapolation, and really shouldn't be included.
 * 17) **Eh, removed/toned down. Yrfeloran 03:12, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * The appearances really don't belong, in my opinion&mdash;the BtS mention is enough for that, and less misleading.
 * 19) ** OK. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:49, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 22) * The traps in Vader's palace could use a little more fleshing out.
 * 23) **Extremely peripheral to actual story of holocron. Purpose of article is not to summarize entire book. (this would be a valid criticism for Anakin Solo's rather sparse FA, though) Yrfeloran 08:02, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * See if you can merge some of the smaller paragraphs please. Since suggestions have been requested above, here are some thoughts.
 * 25) **2nd and 3rd of Discovery.
 * 26) **Last two of Discovery.
 * 27) **1st two of Theft.
 * 28) **Last two of Theft.
 * 29) **1st two of Recovery.
 * 30) **3rd and 4th of Recovery.
 * 31) **While I don't insist that all of these are merged, having some of them combined would do wonders for the overall appearance of the article.
 * 32) ***Sure, did a little more merging. Yrfeloran 05:13, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * "This helped Anakin Solo see past Orloc's holocrons to reach the mage. Solo then sliced the silver spangles off of Orloc's robe with Kenobi's lightsaber, preventing him from controlling most of his mechanical wonders." Uhh . . . this isn't making any sense. Please clarify the holocrons and the spangles bit.
 * 34) **Attempted clarification Yrfeloran 05:13, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * "While there are references in the Junior Jedi Knights books to Asli Krimsan and her holocron being contemporary to the abandoned Jedi library on Exis Station and thousands of years old, Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force implies a much more contemporary origin for Krimsan and names her only as the maintainer of the holocron." The "contemporary" thing is redundant and/or makes no sense.
 * 36) **Altered Yrfeloran 05:13, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Supporting pics would be nice. One of Tionne or Anakin Solo, for example.
 * 38) **Meh, it's an item article, I don't think those would be appropriate. Added a more plot-related one Yrfeloran 05:13, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * "accepted Lochett as his student." You use a very similar phrase two lines down. Please reword.
 * 40) **Reworded Yrfeloran 05:13, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:57, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) Toprawa:
 * 43) * Context for what the Potentium is, please: "the gatekeeper was asked of her opinion of the Potentium."
 * 44) **Fixed it myself. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *Otherwise clean. Good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:56, 4 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * Image kinda sucks Yrfeloran 18:13, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * yup, needs some cleaning indeed. Moreover, some additional illustrations would be welcome - Invock 22:29, 12 June 2008 (UTC
 * I know I remember hearing that those holocrons were made specifically for the VD. I'll see if I can dig up a source. -- Ozzel 11:45, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Ok, the acknowledgments in the back of the AOTC VD say that Don Bies and John Goodson specially created the holocrons. -- Ozzel 10:53, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yrf, this is only your second nom or whatever, so I'm going to cut you some slack, but you need to do a much better job of linking things in your article. When things like the Jedi Temple and Coruscant go unlinkned in your intro, that's not so good. I expect to see 100% improvement on your next production. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:29, 4 July 2008 (UTC)