Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Dor Gal-ram


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dor Gal-ram

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:50, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A double nom with Horak-mul.

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:45, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 20:42, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 23:58, November 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 03:23, November 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:48, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Same issue as my objection for Gorrm. He didn't appear in Conquest and Unification so he can't be listed as appearing in the whole story arc.  Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 20:55, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed.
 * 3) The Grand Master
 * 4) * There seems to be a bit of superfluous information in the bio, that really just doesn't add anything to the article for Gal-Ram. (i.e. the extra info about the arrival of the Daragons and subsequent events could be condensed quite a bit to just the necessities)
 * 5) **I disagree; I believe this level of context is required to understand what is going on.
 * 6) ***Not really: it could easily be condensed to something along the lines of "Around this time, the arrival of two Humans, Gav and Jori Daragon, opened up a conflict between Kreesh and Sadow. Eventually, Sadow staged a Republic attack..." As it is now it consists mainly of fluffy detail with no pertinence to Gal-ram. We don't need to know that the Daragons arrived in the Starbreaker 12 during the Funeral of Marka Ragnos, that they arrived in the Valley of the Dark Lords, and that they were arrested and imprisoned. We don't need to know what both Sadow and Kreesh wanted to do with them and why. We just need to know that their arrival caused a rift which eventually led to Sadow's staged attack and self-declaration as Dark Lord, which caused Kreesh to rally his supporters, including Gal-ram.
 * 7) ****Addressed.
 * 8) * Also, the bio could be broken up into more than just the current two long paragraphs.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) *Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:14, November 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Attack of the Clone
 * 12) * "In 5,000 BBY, Sadow staged an attack on the Sith Empire by the Galactic Republic": the misuse of idioms here presents a rather noticeable lack of clarity.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "After the meeting, Naga Sadow staged a Republic attack on the Daragons' ship, the Starbreaker 12 's hangar on Ziost and stole the ship." This makes it sound like the hangar is the ship, and I still find it unclear how a Sith Lord can stage an attack on behalf of the Republic.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) *** First part still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 04:47, November 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * As you've done before, you make the reference to the Battle of Khar Delba so late that it's almost pointless to include it when it has no relevancy to Gal-ram in its current placement.  CC7567  (talk) 20:47, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) Toprawa:
 * 20) * Please do a more specific job of linking to whatever the name of his flagship is here. If the article doesn't exist, please create one, since redlinks are not permitted in the introduction: "was killed in the battle when Sadow ordered the crew of Gal-ram's flagship to betray and kill him." And please link to this same article in the appropriate place in the biography.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * I'm not sure what you're trying to say here, but something is wrong here both grammatically and with the syntax. Please clarify: "Sadow staged a Republic attack on the Daragons' ship, the Starbreaker 12 's hangar on Ziost and stole the ship"
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * No link for Sadow's citadel? "the site of Sadow's citadel."
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * Can we provide a more detailed description in the BTS to specify the actual issue in the comic series that the character makes his first appearance? This will require you to rewrite and expand the first BTS sentence, obviously. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:47, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:54, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Good job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:48, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

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