Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Wraith Squadron

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.
 * Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that from Starcraft? —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 12:55, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * So it is. :-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:32, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also working on redlinks, me.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 05:49, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I've checked all the link destinations, all the duplicate links, and all the spelling. Added a few minor details and fixed a few formatting issues, and I'm quite satisfied with it now. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:08, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) After some fixes, I don't have any complaints. I actually had a great time reading it. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 18:23, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Ah, I see. Pesky periods popped. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From Greyman:
 * 7) * In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters&hellip;". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
 * 8) **Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
 * 11) **I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Looks much better. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Ref punctuation errors galore! Refs with no spaces after them before the next sentence, refs before commas, and, worst of all, multiple instances of refs with commas on both sides. (Ew!) As one might say: "A rather sloppy nom... Did you forget to copyedit?" ;-) -- Ozzel 10:00, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *I'll take a look-and it has nothing to do with the copyediting I gave it. Links and ref syntax I generally let AWB deal with, since that's what it's for, so I didn't even look at those. TBH, I could really care less as long as the refs aren't broken. When I'm reading 250 KB of article, ref punctuation is never a high priority.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Took a stab at it and cleaned some things up. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:37, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Bah. Your priorities break my little Grammar Nazi heart. :-p Anyway, looks much better now. Good work. -- Ozzel 03:08, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ****I'll send you a bandage and a little stuffed Ewok to cheer you up. :-P Thanks for the catch, though-the double commas around the refs looked particularly awful and I picked up on a few other things. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:49, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Would it be possible to get a roster of who was Wraith X at what time? For instance, initial roster, Iron Fist roster, whenever there's a major change. Right now if you want to know who Wraith Two or Wraith Eight or Wraith Ten was, you can't find that information in the article. Yrfeloran 05:43, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *I'll see what I can do . . . I'll need to work on it so it doesn't become a horrible list. Maybe something in the Members sections&mdash;that's what I did for Rakehell Squadron, but the Wraiths shift callsigns numerous times. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:50, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **A list has been added near the bottom of the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:00, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Information's there, so I'm happy. If people object to the format of that being ugly, I'm equally happy with callsign information being in pilot bios. Yrfeloran 20:09, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *** Detiled non-biased and I learnt quite a lot on it. I think it's quite detailed and deserves to be a featured article. Devan2 19:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Some preliminaries from Grae:
 * 25) * The intro is quite insufficient, for the level of detail in the article. I suggest quite a bit more on the actions of the Wraiths against Zsinj in the intro, unless you'd like to omit and summarize more of the information in the article, which would also be acceptable.
 * 26) **The intro has been lengthened. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Very good. Much less limp. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Linking&hellip;needs some help. Could AWB be run over it?
 * 29) **We have top men on it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***All link destinations and duplication checked. If you want links added, AWB can't help there. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:08, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Not too keen on the quote in the prose in the first section.
 * 32) **It has been removed and the content reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * Consistency with S and apostrophe would be very nice. We even have a CT about it currently.
 * 34) **Can you give me some specifics on words to look for? I know I'll go back through all the Antilles's, but are there others I should hunt down?
 * 35) ***All "Antilles's" have been changed to "Antilles'" Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:01, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ****I'll cover this as I go back through on my long, tedious run. Like I said, these are preliminaries. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Some consistency between Night Caller and the Night Caller, and similar instances with ship names, would be helpful.
 * 38) **Hmm. Thought I got all of those-it should just be Night Caller-but per comments below, I went with how Allston described the ships. If he said "the Narra", that's what I used. Now, I am referring to the Night Caller charade as something entirely different, where (the) and (Night Caller) are serving as adjectives for charade, so that might be what you are referring to. Let me know.
 * 39) ***Have gone through and eliminated all instances of "the Night Caller". Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ****Is it now consistently only "shipname" instead of "the shipname" with all ship names throughout the article? Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) *****For that particular ship, yes. Given the choice between article consistency and canon, I went with canon, so a few ships (Narra, Ugly Truth, etc.) as listed below are still "the shipname". If our Inqs say to stick with article consistency, I will adjust accordingly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:22, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * After spending some time in this article, I can say with some confidence that I believe a good deal of the history section is too detailed. I really believe that a lot of that information belongs in the articles for the individual battles and missions, or, in the case of things like the pranks, in the articles for the characters themselves. Some of these sections are almost FA-length in themselves, and I just don't think it's appropriate for an article that's supposed to be about the squadron and not the missions.
 * 43) **The pranks have been trimmed up somewhat. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * I believe the Sources section is somewhat lacking. I remember, for instance, reading in at least one Essential Guide about the Wraiths and their activities. And there simply has to be more.
 * 45) **3 Essential Guides have been added to the list; there wasn't any new info and a check of NEGAS showed that while Voort saBinring was mentioned, Wraith Squadron wasn't. Good catch. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) **Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) Toprawa:
 * 49) * Nothing in here ever really explains what happened in the campaign against Zsinj. Were they successful? Some kind of very brief description should be included someplace within: "Afterward, they returned to more normal fleet service in a lengthy campaign against Zsinj, culminating in the Battle of Selaggis, an engagement made possible by a double agent from Wraith Squadron who was stationed aboard Zsinj's flagship, Iron Fist. "
 * 50) * This description is telling me nothing. This needs much greater contextualizing detail: what happened that they're "returning" to New Republic service, what happened that each member was not in their former positions? "Following the successful conclusion of the Bacta War, Wedge Antilles and Rogue Squadron returned to Coruscant and New Republic Defense Force service, with each member of the squadron reinstated to their former positions."
 * 51) * My brain is struggling to remember exactly what this entailed, having read this stuff so long ago, and this description isn't doing much to help me out. Greater context, please: "As an ersatz Rogue Squadron had been formed for public-relations purposes, complete with X-wing fighters, Antilles told Ackbar that his Rogues would be happy to sign their personal starfighters back over to the New Republic if the next dozen fighters sent to the military were issued to the new unit." Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:49, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) **Have fixed all of the above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:23, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * There's nothing more to this? i.e., how and/or why she came up with this name? "During this period, the squadron also received its name, courtesy of Sarkin: "Wraith Squadron,"
 * 54) * I'm confused here. How, exactly, are they using his craft to do this? You go on to explain that they build a makeshift craft of their own: "In response, Phanan proposed using the craft to disable, board, and capture the pursuing vessel." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:34, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) **Both addressed. Tried not to go too far into the play-by-play, though. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:53, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * This isn't making sense to me. How, exactly did she do this? Recording what transmission? Please clarify: "Jesmin Ackbar had recorded the transmission, allowing them to bypass the alarm"
 * 57) * I'm curious where this figure is coming from. Naturally I'd like to avoid the estimate and give something of a solid figure: "came under attack by about thirty local militia troops" Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:28, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **The first has been contextified. The second is as good as it gets. The exact quote from the novel is: ""Quiet," Jesmin said. "Nine and Eleven report we have new arrivals. A flatbed skimmer full of troops and two TIE fighters just landed on the pad outside." Outside, just beside the hangar door, Janson lay perfectly still and whispered into his comlink. "I count thirty or thirty-five troops. Some of them are deploying around toward the front; I assume they'll be hitting us from two sides."" Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:27, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) *Some explanation of her Force-sensitivity should be given previous to this, unless I've missed it. I would suggest describing this way back when you first discuss the final pilot roster: "Sarkin, guided by an insight from the Force,"
 * 60) *Did he deflect the laser blast Donos shot out of his finger tips? Please use a better word than deflect: "Donos attacked Tainer, who deflected the assault"
 * 61) *And what attitude is that? "Donos then accused Sarkin and Tainer both of having the same attitude as he did" The rest of the sentence reads as if to imply that Donos has no hope for the future and hates Janson, wheN I don't think this is the case
 * 62) *Reword: "the Wraiths decided to infect the Hawkbat with an infectious agent"
 * 63) *It seems like there should be more to this. Did they paint the fighters as such to make it seem to Zsinj that Rogue Squadron was attacking him? "which had been freshly painted in Rogue Squadron colors" Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:24, 22 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) **Fixed all of the above. The last one is kind of iffy to me, as it creates a rather long sentence, but I have tried to address them nonetheless. My neurons are buzzing in anticipation of your next round of objections. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:20, 22 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
 * The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
 * Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
 * The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
 * The images are, AFAIK, all that are available besides individual member portraits, which I didn't feel like including since everyone has a picture at the bottom. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
 * No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
 * It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Kendal Ozzel

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm taking an awful risk here, Vader... This had better work.

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 16:40, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I will be keeping an eye on it since there might be some new information scattered around.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:09, 6 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn:
 * 2) *Intro:
 * 3) ** "..wealthy family owning land..." should be "wealthy landowning family."
 * 4) ** Change the last part of the first paragraph to: "Ironically, Ozzel did not achieve his goal of high rank due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as the Emperor's Hand Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision."
 * 5) ** Ozzel was not the Admiral of Death Sqaudron, no such title exists. Say he was the ranking officer of Death Squadron.
 * 6) ** add "his senior subordinate, Captain Firmus Piett".
 * 7) * Infobox:
 * 8) ** I feel that Ozzel is over associated. Rather than have Imperial Navy and Death Squadron, just have Death Squadron, since that was the facet of the Navy he was in.
 * 9) ***No, that's correct as is. We list all tiers of a faction, if known. Thefourdotelipsis 13:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Oh, very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Ozzel has a blond mustache.
 * 12) *Ascension and Death:
 * 13) ** Change "He was assigned as the commander..." to "He was assigned to the Executor, the flagship of both Darth Vader and the task force Death Sqaudron, as its commanding officer, with Captain Firmus Piett as his senior subordinate."
 * 14) **Try to milk as much info out of ESB as possible.
 * 15) * BTS:
 * 16) ** Several parts of the BTS are unsourced.
 * 17) ***While this was changed, for future reference it didn't have to be. All parts of the BTS were sourced, if not by tags then by statements that sourced themselves by stating their source within the sentence. - Lord Hydronium 14:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Just to add to this, the way it is now I'd call it overreferenced. - Lord Hydronium 14:25, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****That's what I was thinking. I'll remove them, if they haven't been removed already. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ** Rather than say who thought what about him, try to include all their opinions in one blow.
 * 21) ** Change "action" to "actions".
 * 22) ** "Active" should be "activate".
 * 23) ** Change "a large majority" to "the majority".
 * 24) * Though not an official objection, I'd like for the Black Nebula red link to be filled in if possible.
 * That's about all I can think of at this moment, I may try and fix somethings myself after my objections have been addressed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:55, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Uh, if there is no such title of "Admiral of Death Squadron," why is he the admiral in charge of Death Squadron? Otherwise, done. Additionally, I don't have Scoundrel's Luck, so I can't do anything about the Black Widow Nebula redlink. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no "Admiral of Death Squadron" but there is "Commander of Death Squadron".-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fine, "Admiral in charge of Death Squadron." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Mention should be made that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy on Coruscant.
 * 3) * Mention should be made that Ozzel achieved the rank of Captain of the Line before being transferred to the Coruscant Naval Academy, and that he was transferred because his superiors felt he was not able to command in the field.
 * 4) * Mention should be made that he taught naval history and languages at the academy.
 * 5) * For the Personality and traits section, no mention is made of his bullish attitude and lack of common sense, his argumentative attitude, his being a disciplinarian and stickler for rules, and his bias against females and non-humans while teaching at the academy.
 * 6) *All the above is from the Official Star Wars Fact Files. If you need help on some of it, let me know. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **If you could leave me details on each of your comments on my talk page with the specific Fact File they came from, I'd be more than happy to add the information in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 02:44, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just to let you know, I'll have this taken care of by tonight; it's a busy day for me. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:01, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:05, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Happy to help with the content, but there's a few other things about the article I noticed. Please see below. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 12) * An expansion on the situation on Teardrop, with a link to the Teardrop massacre should be included.
 * 13) **Okay - more expansion is needed here I feel. Remember, context is everything. Why were the Rebels on Teardrop? How did the Empire learn of their presence? How were the Rebels able to escape? Why was the Millennium Falcon there? Why did the Empire chose to kill innocent civilians? Also, mention Dreflin's involvement on the surface and his altercation with Daric LaRone which led to his death.
 * 14) ***Frankly, I don't think all that is needed, as they had nothing to do with Ozzel. I added why Ozzel was there and what he did in the system, but I don't want the paragraph to end up sounding like a summary of the first few chapters of Allegiance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Include details of the plans to kill Mara Jade.
 * 16) **A little something on why Ozzel agreed to eliminate Jade is needed - did he believe that the Stormtrooper desertion incident would look bad on his record, etc. Also, why was the Falcon at the pirate base in the first place?
 * 17) ***I've added why he agreed, but again, I think that adding why the Falcon was there has nothing to do with Ozzel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * It's been a while since I read Allegiance, but does Ozzel have any reaction to/ knowledge of/ direct contact with/ orders to deal with the Hand of Judgment?
 * 19) * Concerning the information regarding the differing viewpoints on his ascension to Admiral: consider removing He led Death Squadron alongside Vader into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY that ended in a Rebel escape., from the end of the third paragraph of Ascent, and adding the first three lines from the fourth paragraph to the third, from "Speculation abounded ... to ... members of the general staff". This will consolidate all the information on his promotion into one paragraph.
 * 20) * Following on from the last comment, add the line removed from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph, since the fourth will now deal with his actual command of the vessel. This may require a little rewriting so it fits.
 * 21) * Not an objection - regarding the BTS info on the origination of Ozzel's first name - this link may be useful to you as it confirms the existance of the Danny Kendall character in the series, and a small piece on his relationship with Sheard's character. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **I've done some of it, but the rest will have to wait until this evening. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:09, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Having been busy all week, I'll try to get this done tomorrow night. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:51, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:22, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****Okay, I struck most of them, but I still feel more expansion on the Allegiance events is needed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:51, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 27) * Allegiance info needs a mention in intro. His role is certainly large enough.
 * 28) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 01:03, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ***More, please. Trying to kill an Emperor's hand and being embroiled in that sort of sector intrigue is certainly relevant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:37, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * "He attended the finest naval academy" Some POV here.
 * 32) **That's what it says in the sources. Can't help that. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Irrelevant. The sources don't have to be neutral, especially if they're IU. Our article has to be. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Regardless, it needs to be shown that he attended the finest naval academy. It's important to the article. Unless you can find a better way to word it, I'm not going to remove it. I may be acting rude; if so, I apologize, but I really want that kept in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *****I placed a fix in there. "the finest naval academy" vs. "What was considered the finest naval academy." An even better fix would be to say who called it the finest naval academy, if that information is available. (e.g. "What was considered the finest naval academy by _____".) Since you're new to the FAN page, I'm trying to help out, but future reviews shouldn't be carried out like this. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ******It doesn't say who considered it to be the finest. Like I noted above, all it says in the source is that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *******I understand that and the point I'm trying to make is that you simply can't say that in the article. Since the narrator of the Fact Files is unknown, it can be left with the fix I've inserted, but for future reference, even if the source says "Vader was the finest duelist" or "attended the best naval academy", that's still POV and cannot be placed in the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * 2nd para of Early life is out of order chronologically. Please amend.
 * 39) **How so? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:52, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ***It seems to me that you should place Solo's trial before the instructor stint, since it was only for "a short time" and Solo's court-martial was well before Yavin. That said, I haven't read the relevant sources aside from the Han Solo Trilogy. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Will do. Thanks for clearing that up; I don't have the Han Solo trilogy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * I'm fairly certain it's called Reprisal throughout Allegiance, not the Reprisal. Please adjust accordingly.
 * 44) **I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***If the warship is referred to as "Reprisal went here and did things" and not "the Reprisal went here and did things" in Allegiance, then the extra "the" needs to be removed. IIRC, Reprisal is the canon usage. Could be wrong there, it's been a few months. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Does it really matter? I thought there was a policy here to put "the" before the name of a ship, with a few exceptions like Home One and Slave One. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****Besides, I see "the Reprisal" used a lot. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:19, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******A check of Allegiance shows it is "The Reprisal". For future reference, it does matter and we follow canon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Context on Mara Jade needed in the body.
 * 50) **How much more do I need? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Your first mention just says "Mara Jade". Throw in a few adjectives or something to give us context; the reader might not know who that is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Will do. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * "The colonel's reasoning was that agents could easily end up somewhere during a military strike and be killed." You switch from Mara being a lone agent to "agents". While I do know the storyline behind this, it's not clear in the article.
 * 55) **The colonel specifically said that agents die all the time. Not my wording, but his. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ***It's still not clear and you could still mention her ISB colleagues that she picked up to clarify it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Well, I suppose I could clarify by adding "Imperial agents, such as the Emperor's Hand, could easily..." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * No context on Gillia.
 * 60) **There's really nothing else I can write about it without going into too much detail on the Hand of Judgment. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ***A few words is all I'm asking. You can't just introduce a planet name, character, or ship without giving some descriptor. Case in point: The light freighter Millennium Falcon vs. Millennium Falcon. The first is a better way of wording it and provides basic context. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Is there a real need to harp on his stupidity twice in the same line in P&T?
 * 64) **Which line? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) ***"Kendal Ozzel was considered . . . stupid." and "Darth Vader considered Ozzel . . . stupid." It's the same thing and it's redundant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) * "He was a disciplinarian, and every detail had to be perfect." Not very clear and contradictory in light of lax nature of stormtrooper discipline.
 * 68) **Fact File says he was a disciplinarian and every detail had to be perfect, and Allegiance says he let off-duty soldiers walk around without their armor. Can't change that; sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Then you'll need to come up with an acceptable way of phrasing it or make a note of the contradiction in BtS, but regardless, it needs to be addressed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * More P&T data on the lengths he was willing to go to in order to cover his back from Allegiance would be good.
 * 72) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * You'll need to provide an exact reference on that official site mention.
 * 74) **What mention? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ***"and later made its way to the official website." This is sitting in the BTS without a reference. Please find one and add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ****I'm afraid I can't help you there. That was the biggest issue I had involving referencing. Would a link to the Databank suffice? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) *****No, a Databank link won't suffice. Fair warning: If you don't find that link, this won't be a Featured Article any time soon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) ******I'll just remove it, then. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:17, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) *******Rather, I simply added that the name made its way to the Databank and added a ref. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:54, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) ********Much better. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:08, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 83) * "to increase his standing in the Navy" -- no previous mention is made of the Navy before this, so it's kind of sudden. Please document that he joined the Navy, etc. before talking about his machinations.
 * 84) **I moved it to the P&T section. I think it's better off there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ***The transition is still rather sudden; it talks of how he used the family name to rise through the ranks of the military, and then states that he attended the naval academy. Please revise this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Frankly, I don't think it's sudden. The only way I could possibly fix this is by putting "He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." at the beginning of the next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *****Is this satisfactory? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) *Some mention of what being a "captain of the line" curtailed would be good.
 * 89) **I would add something, but there's no mention of what he did as a Captain of the Line. I could speculate about what he did in that rank based on the Captain of the Line article, but there's really nothing I could use. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) ***Some sort of the explanation would help, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) ****Like I said, there's no record of what he did as a Captain of the Line; speculating on it would not work. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) *****We know he was a Captain of the Line. We know what a captain of the line did. If you want to avoid saying that Ozzel did anything, just include a description of what a genetic Captain of the Line did. If you're careful with the wording, you'll be fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) ******Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:34, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) *The first two sections seem of kind of...skin and bones. Things aren't elaborated enough, and stuff seems thrown in without care to make it fit. Also, "Solo later sighted Ozzel aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched" should be rewritten from Ozzel's point of view, and clarified somewhat.
 * 95) **I'm afraid I don't have Scoundrel's Luck (where the info on Ozzel onboard the Executor in the Black Widow Nebula came from). Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) ***That is unfortunate, but the objection must stand.
 * 97) ****I reworded the sentence in question to be from Ozzel's point-of-view, but I'll need to find someone with Scoundrel's Luck to get all the information. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) *****Info from Scoundrel's Luck added, thanks to help from Jaymach. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) ******I don't know what else to add to this section; as far as I can tell, that's all the info. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * No context on the Millenium Falcon, and Solo is reintroduced in "Ascent" rather suddenly, as if the article assumes readers are already familiar with the source material.
 * 101) **I believe I've taken care of that now. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * Wasn't Mara an Emperor's Hand and not the Emperor's Hand?
 * 103) **Allegiance (and Ozzel) refer to her as the Emperor's Hand if I'm not mistaken, but... done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) ***Fair enough, but Ozzel was speaking out of ignorance. Thanks for changing it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) *" Regardless of the nature of these rumors" -- this doesn't seem right (or "encyclopedic" or whatever). Please remove, reword, or clarify.
 * 106) **Removed "of the nature of these rumors." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) * I haven't read My Brother, My Enemy, but surely the info from it could be expanded. Like a lot of other stuff in the article, it seems to have been thrown in haphazardly without proper explanation.
 * 108) **There's nothing more. He just stands there and says one line. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) ***But, presumably, his ship/the fleet/whatever does a lot more than that one line, and all of that is relevant to Ozzel.
 * 110) ****True. I'll take care of it when I find the comics in my ever-growing pile of comics I finished reading. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:36, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 112) * "In 1 ABY the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord between Vader's fleet commanders. Ozzel took the bait and believed the rumors that said that Vader wanted to replace him with a junior officer" -- this needs to be explained properly. How did the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord?, how exactly did Ozzel "take the bait"?, etc.
 * 113) **Don't have the relevant source. Sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 114) ***You might want to try this site for info. I've often used it in the past for Galaxies info and it is fairly comprehensive. You could also try the Star Wars Galaxies Wiki, which is supposed to be in good shape. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) ****Not finding anything on either site. I searched for "Sow Discord" on both sites, and there's nothing. I'll ask around IRC for info. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:34, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 116) *****Removed on the advice of Darth Culator on IRC. It seems that Ozzel does not appear in Galaxies at all, as the mission "Sow Discord" does not exist. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 117) * "Additionally, Ozzel would publicly criticize Vader." If the info exists, please say when, in what context, to whom, and give any examples of this occurring.
 * 118) **If I recall correctly, it was only briefly mentioned in a Fact File article, without any details. I'll check on that, though. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) * The last paragraph of "Ascent" could be fleshed out a bit, I would think. Also, "Ascent" seems appropriate for only some of the content of the section, as the second half pertains to happenings after his ascent.
 * 120) **I think I may have fixed this when addressing Toprawa and Ralltiir's objection. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 121) *Have you checked the ESB novel, radio, or Marvel adaptations for info? Surely there is some.
 * 122) **I checked the Marvel adapation, but I don't have access to the novel or radio adaptations. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 123) ***I've added info from the radio adaptation/script. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) ****Added a little from the novel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 16:06, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) *****Is anything else from the novel needed? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) *Generally, things -- even things you may not think are all that relevant to Ozzel -- need to be properly explained, contextified, and expanded; the majority of the article, in fact. It's good at the minute, and I applaud you for choosing a relatively major character for your first solo FAN, but it is still not up to FA scratch, IMHO, and still has some ways to go.
 * 127) **Some examples of "things" would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) ***"Things" means objects, people, ships, places, etc that are introduced in the article. Examples are included in several of my above objections. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 129) **More later. Just to note, I won't be very active for the next week at least, so I may be slow to respond to or strike objections. My apologies. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) Toprawa:
 * 131) *You're missing info from the ESB radio drama and RD script. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) **Don't have either. If you could provide a link to the script, that would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:31, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 133) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) ****Anything else, Toprawa? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 135) Missing info from  and, with regards to the Imperial Propaganda about his death and Executor ' s unveiling.. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:36, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) *You wouldn't happen to have both, would you? I'm afraid I don't have those as well. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:08, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 137) **Done. Thanks for the help. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:45, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) Fiolli's Famous Pasta Bowl:
 * 139) * "Ironically, he did not become an admiral due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision." Does the sentence end at disloyalty or at skills with the other part being a separate idea? Please reword and clarify.
 * 140) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 141) * The first paragraph of the biography is only two sentences long. Please merge this with the next or reshuffle the sentences to "beef things up."
 * 142) **Merged. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 143) * "He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." Do we have a name of the academy? Does the Fact File (or any other source) list it as "the finest" or "one of the finest"? If not, this is not neutral in POV.
 * 144) **No name for the academy, and the Fact File does indeed label it as the finest naval academy. Ironically, this same thing was brought up in Atarumaster's objections, and he ended up adding "what was considered the finest naval academy." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink)
 * 145) * Not necessarily an objection, but more of a question: "Ozzel was later aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched. Solo and Chewbacca were captured by the Executor, and Ozzel interrogated Solo onboard the bridge of the Super Star Destroyer about his presence in the nebula." The reference-note that is inserted about Ozzel appearing on condition of the player is good, but is his appearance considered canon?
 * 146) **I'm not quite sure, considering the book is a make-your-own-adventure. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 147) ***Added "It is unknown if this is considered canon" to the reference. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 148) **** Ok, so I do have an objection then: and  need to be used around all the material that is from Scoundrel's Luck and this material should also be in a separate paragraph regardless of length.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:54, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 149) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 150) * First paragraph of Ascent: The reference-note states that it is assumed he was present. Does the Adventure Journal say he was present? If his title is incorrect, discuss it in the BtS as a continuity issue and possibly in the main body of the article if it can be properly worked in. For example, "Even though misidentified as the Admiral of&hellip;" if SWAJ can be considered IU.
 * 151) **He's indeed present. I forgot about adding that into the BtS; I make sure to do that when I get the chance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 152) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 153) ****Anything more needed to be done here? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 154) * Also, the first paragraph of "Ascent" is only one sentence long. Please reorganize this section.
 * 155) **Merged into next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 156) * "Ozzel later oversaw the massacre of "Rebel sympathizers" on the planet, ordered by Imperial Security Bureau Major Drelfin and blamed it on Rebel agitators present in the town." Expand slightly on the massacre, since it wasn't a bombardment from Ozzel's ship; it was a ground operation.
 * 157) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 158) * "When stormtrooper Daric LaRone killed Drelfin in self-defense after confronting him about the killing of civilians on Teardrop, he fled the Reprisal with a group of fellow stormtroopers who witnessed the killing." Please reword. I think I understand what you are trying to say, but it is a bit convoluted.
 * 159) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 160) * "Ozzel and Colonel Somoril mistakenly believed that the subsequent arrival of Emperor's Hand Mara Jade, who at the time was investigating a group of pirates known as the BloodScars in connection to six stolen paintings found in Moff Glovstoak's possession, in Shelsha sector was part of a high-level investigation into the incident, and they conspired in an unsanctioned scheme to kill her after discovering that she had accessed the ship's personnel files, bridge log, and flight log." This needs to be broken up.
 * 161) **Broken up. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 162) *** Can it be broken apart further? This is still confusing.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:54, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 163) ****Better now? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 164) * "Regardless, Ozzel was in command of hunting down the Alliance High Command headquarters using whatever devices he deemed necessary." Regardless of what? When starting a new section, the prior should be referenced if possible in transitional clauses.
 * 165) **It was originally "Regardless of the nature of these rumors," the "rumors" part referring to Vader supposedly wanting to replace Ozzel with a junior officer. This was removed after its reference proved to be false; I'll just removed "Regardless." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 166) ***Removed. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 167) * "One of these raids proved to be successful, as Ozzel led Death Squadron alongside Vader from the Executor into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY after Rebel mathematician-turned-brainwashed Imperial agent Jorin Sol attempted to assassinate the Rebel commanders aboard their flagship Rebel One and Imperial Lieutenant Janek Sunber tried to capture Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa to deliver them to Vader." Please break this up.
 * 168) **Broken up. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 169) * "Ozzel publicly criticized Vader while in this position." Was Ozzel aboard Avenger for his remarks, or was merely the fleet in that formation?
 * 170) **A bit of a mistake on my part. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 171) ***Fixed. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 172) * "Following the battle, Ozzel's remains were sent to his homeworld of Cardia, where he was honored at a ceremony at the Corulag Academy." The Corulag Academy is on Corulag and not Cardia. Perhaps the SWAJs are not that accurate in their information. Mention this in the continuity issues of the BtS as well.
 * 173) **No, the AJs say "Corulag," and explicitly state that its his homeworld. This obviously contradicts what we already know from the Databank. Is the Databank the only source to establish his homeworld as Carida? I dunno what you want to do, Tranner. Perhaps you could make the bit in the biography more ambigious, just stating it was taken to the academy on his homeworld? And a BtS note obviously. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:54, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 174) ***I'll go with your suggestion, Ackbar. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 175) ****Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 176) ***** I would not even mention an academy, since we have nothing to suggest that Cardia had one as Corulag did. I think mentioning a ceremony is fine, but no exact location.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:54, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 177) ******Sure thing. Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 178) * "Kendal Ozzel was considered inept, disloyal, easily manipulated, and stupid,&hellip;" By whom? Add then end the sentence there and begin the next sentence with something such as "These traits made many wonder&hellip;."
 * 179) **Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 180) * The quote at the head of the P&T suggests he is predictable. Add this somewhere into this section.
 * 181) **Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 182) *Some additional thoughts:
 * 183) **I would do a double-check through the article and make certain you have a good rotation of sentence subject alternatives. (ie. "Ozzel&hellip;," "He&hellip;," "The Admiral&hellip;," etc.) I tried to balance it a bit, but keep an eye out for it.
 * 184) ***I think it's pretty good. Let me know if you think otherwise. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 185) **Lastly, be careful of run-on sentences.
 * 186) ***I don't think I have any run-on sentences in there anymore, but I could be wrong. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 187) *Keep up the hard work, Tranner, and this will become an FA.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:05, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 188) **Thanks! Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 189) More pasta:
 * 190) * "as a result, it is not clear whether or not Ozzel was indeed present at the commissioning ceremony as the Adventure Journal claims." Actually, no. The AJ's mention of his attendance is not what is called into question; rather, it is his rank and position.
 * 191) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 192) * The last paragraph of death is only one sentence.
 * 193) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 194) * Scoundrel's Luck should be in the "Appearances" list and not the "Sources" list. I'd move SL, but I don't know exactly what year it takes place in to determine where it would go on the list.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:54, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 195) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "However, the depiction of Vader's recovery here contradicts that shown in Star Wars Empire 14: The Savage Heart." - Vader: The Ultimate Guide has the Scoundrel's Luck events take place right after Vader is picked up from Vaal (in fact, Sodarra from SL is the one who recovers him from Vaal), so I don't think this is true. - Lord Hydronium 21:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wasn't aware of that. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:27, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wait, it still contradicts Ozzel's command of the Reprisal at this time. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:30, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that part's fine to mention, but Vader's recovery isn't contradictory, is what I'm saying. Or at least not between those two sources. - Lord Hydronium 23:02, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * So I only have to remove that one line then, right? No problem. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:23, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Just a note to all those with objections needing to be addressed: I'm busy all week helping teach at a guitar camp for 6 to 8-year-olds, so please be patient. I'll do my best to satisfy all objections as soon as I get a chance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If anyone has access to the ESB novel, Scoundrel's Luck, or Star Wars Galaxies Rebel mission "Sow Discord", I'd appreciate some help with getting info from the three sources. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You should ask around in IRC and see if anyone can help you out or point you toward the sources online. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Listen, I don't want to sound annoying, but I really need some more Inqs to review this article. I'd also greatly appreciate help with info from Scoundrel's Luck and Galaxies. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Zaerdra

 * Nominated by: Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And to think I said to myself "no more character FAs" only yesterday..

(6 Inqs/2 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 00:20, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:47, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Keep that speculation out, though.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:26, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:22, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( You're all clear kid! )( Now let's blow this thing and go home! [[Image:Revanchist Sith.svg|20px]] 02:02, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Fine dance around out-right speculation of her death.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:52, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 22:37, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) This is a minor problem but the "100% lightside" tab blocks the other picture. It looks sloppy in my opinion. If thats resolved then I'll vote for it.  NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:03, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Preliminaries: After some attempts to clean up the intro myself, I still find it lacking in comprehension. Please revisit, adding context where necessary. Frankly, I can say the same for the bio.  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:06, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *I'm not certain if you mean "comprehension" or "comprehensiveness", but in any case, the article has been revisited with an eye for correcting both.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:34, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **COMPREHENSION "2 a: the act or process of comprising b: the faculty or capability of including : comprehensiveness" – From Webster's Dictionary. Graestan ( Talk ) 21:48, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Grass clippings:
 * 6) * "A devoted member and ward of Thek" is a bit redundant, after the previous sentences.
 * 7) **Hmm, thought that'd been fixed earlier. Oh well, it's remedied now.
 * 8) * Lightfight?
 * 9) **It's like saying "firefight" -- it's an in-universe term that could probably use its own article, which I'd be happy to create if requested have now created and linked to.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:40, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) I actually have a problem with the death speculation. Like I did with Gwellib Ap-Llewff, I'd like to see you remove the speculation but still mention the bombardment, and let readers put 2 and 2 together. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:44, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *Death speculation removed, but per your suggestion, info about the bombardment and its scope was kept.
 * 13) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 14) * First sentence of Mandalorian invasion - I think that you should set up the fact that Zaerdra was a Hidden Bek and her relationship to Thek before mentioning the Mandalorian invasion.
 * 15) **Reworded.
 * 16) * I think a link to the Padawan massacre needs to be included when setting up the introduction of Zayne Carrick. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:57, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Link added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:17, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) One more thing: Something about her unusual appearance and distinctive garb in the P&T would be helpful.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:30, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:51, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **"Oddly colored for a Twi'lek" is OR. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:30, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 22) * "ever got into her stuff again." Reword for formality; particularly important in the intro.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * "This forced Thek to apologize for her abrupt behavior on a number of occasions, including when Thek" Clarify.
 * 25) **Reworded.
 * 26) * Two sentences with identical syntax at the end of P&T could use a little variety.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * Is there a reason Sith Empire is pipelinked, but Sith isn't linked at all?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) *That's all. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thank you, but it's time for sleep...zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz... Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:45, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Toprawa:
 * 33) *This description doesn't apply well to what you have written here. You write that she met these people with hostility, but that Thek tells her he can still defend himself...these are ideas are not connected by anything. Did she treat them poorly to protect Thek? Clean this up, please: "she greeted the amnesiac former Dark Lord of the Sith Revan, accompanied by Republic officer Carth Onasi, with open hostility. This outburst forced Thek to apologize to his guests and to remind Zaerdra that he could still take care of himself."
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) *Can we link a battle to this at all? If not, please create a red link: "When the Mandalorians laid siege and eventually invaded the strategically-located planet"
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) *What meeting place? Context needed for the significance of this, please: "were flown to the meeting place, where Sowrs and her own resistance group were."
 * 38) **Addressed.
 * 39) *Firing from the surface? So where are they, on top of a building? Flying through the sky? You should revisit this paragraph as a whole and add greater detail: "a group of Mandalorian Neo-Crusaders firing at them from the surface."
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) *To be quite honest, I'm lost at this point as to what the lines of battle are here. Are the Beks friends with the Constable and her forces? It seems like they are, but then three sentences later they're "confronting" each other. Again, greater background detail needed throughout this paragraph. Please revisit: "After a confrontation between the Beks and members of the Constable's resistance movement"
 * 42) **Addressed.
 * 43) **Additionally, as an addendum to the two previous objections, a lot of this seems very periphery to what Zaerdra is doing. She seems lost among what the group is doing collectively, with only minimal mention of her throughout this paragraph. Please go back and do what you can to better present everything from Zaerdra's role, not the group's.
 * 44) ***Well, she is in a gang.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *Per our quote precedent, your section section quote should not be in quote format
 * 46) **Addressed.
 * 47) *Please consider this phase 1 as I go through this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:25, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) **My circuits are a-buzz with anticipation of your next round of objections.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) I find the KotOR comics section very lacking in context and detail. I think someone unfamiliar with the source would be confused as to what exactly is happening. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:04, 9 September 2008 (UTC)

Inquisitorius vote to remove nom
 * 1) Doesn't look to be going anywhere. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:19, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Purging...  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:15, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Per Acky's objection and the lack of attention towards it thus far.  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:22, 21 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Normally, such a speculation about a character's death would be verboten, but seeing as it was likely a result of the bombardment of Taris, it wouldn't seem too out-of-place. 1,103 words by last count.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The article itself is fine, but I'm a touch concerned about the illustration. You've got one image from the comics, but in the section about the game events, which is a touch confusing. Furthermore, the comic image doesn't really illustrate anything...it's just Zaedra, Weaver-style. I think that a better image can be culled from the comics and placed in the relevant section, and then perhaps another screenshot from the game could be placed in that relevant section. Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * What's the status of this thing? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:48, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * To answer that: at the moment everything that can be thought of to satisfy the outstanding objections has been input into the article. Waiting on review by the objecting party.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:06, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Put something on Tope's talk page if you haven't done so. This has been up for months with almost no activity.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:32, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Gorgon

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:
 * "Nothing larger than a Star Galleon, but it's a start."--Gilad Pellaeon
 * "We're going to need more than just a start, Captain."--Grand Admiral Thrawn

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:20, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:21, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 23:29, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman ( Talk ) 08:53, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) No BtS. I'm seeing an awful lot of sentences starting with "the Gorgon" in the first few paragraphs. Also, I would've though there'd be at least info -- probably stats< -- in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook. Succession box is unsourced. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:10, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *BTS created and sourced. Succession box sourced. Also, the Gorgon is its name, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see the article's name at the beginning of the first paragraphs too. I don't have the Jedi Academy Sourcebook so I can't verify whether or not there are any stats.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **It did kinda occur to me that "the Gorgon" is its name; but, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see that the first sentences of the main body don't practically all start with the same thing. Jedi Academy sourcebook objection still stands; you really shouldn't nominate articles which have such a major source that hasn't been checked. Also, "Return to the Maw and death" is kind of a strange title since it's can't and doesn't die. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:53, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Perhaps "death" is a bit dramatic for a ship. Removed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 10:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****My objections are below, but I thought that I would mention that the JASB has no individual stats for the Gorgon. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *There are less Gorgon mentions in the first few paragraphs. And I suppose that Cavalier One's comments should be taken into account.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Struck most of my objection, but I checked the JAS myself and there's still plenty of info missing there, including a crew size which appears to contradict what is currently in the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:58, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Well, I'm not sure if the JASs canonicty supercedes the novel itself. Besides I don't have it, so unless someone wants to help, your objection might be here a while...-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Also checked the JAS, and found no seeming crew controversy. Added some info, but as Cav One said, there's not an individual stat section. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:31, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 11) * Regarding the infobox - are the exact model of weapons correct and attributable to a source? While I normally wouldn't point something like this out on a ship article, bear in mind that it was isolated for over a decade, and may have had earlier model weapons fitted.
 * 12) **Those are the earliest models for an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. There are no earlier models for the time that the Gorgon was constructed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Are you sure the Edict is a Gamma-class shuttle? It's own article says it is of an unknown class.
 * 14) **I can't account for the Edicts article, but it is mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * In the intro, you mention that the Gorgon was constructed at Kuat. While a reasonable supposition, is there direct evidence it was manufactured there?
 * 16) **Mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Under Specifications, you mention that The Gorgon was very unusual in that it possessed a complement of starfighters and assault craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement. While this may be true for the support craft, the starfighter complement of the vessel is a standard six squadrons. Unless you are refering to the models of starfighters used, which then needs to be made clearer.
 * 18) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * First paragraph of Construction and Deployment is unreffed.
 * 20) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Mention why Doole's fleet was near the Maw when the Gorgon exits for the first time.
 * 22) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * The captain of the corvette that Daala captures is named in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook as T'nun Bdu. This should be linked to.
 * 24) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * Explain how Ackbar used the Startide to destroy the Manticore.
 * 26) **Already done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Perhaps I should have been clearer - how did Ackbar gain control of the Startide? Was there any crew on board? I know the answers, but it should be made clear what the state of the Startide was and what Ackbar had to do to make it crash. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ****Considering Daala didn't know herself, and this isn't about the Startide I think that's straying too far away from the Gorgon's story isn't it?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *****Context is important, and whether or not Daala knew what had happened is irrelevant since this is an encyclopaedic article written from a neutral point of view. A small reference to how Ackbar used remote control to take command of the half-completed vessel and direct it towards the Star Destroyer is not a lot to add, really. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ******Hmm, I suppose not; I guess I simply assumed that if you were willing to make an objection over it, you would want something more substantial (which would distract from both Daala and, essentially, the Gorgon's story). Anyway, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * From the Jedi Academy Sourcebook - mention needs to be made that the crew was comprised of individuals with little or no ties to the outside galaxy so they would not be missed. Also, the crews are bored and angry after so long in isolation. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) **It's mentioned in the second History paragraph.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***No, it isn't. You mention that the Maw installation was isolated from outside contact, but not that the selection of the crew was based on their ties to the outside galaxy. The fact that the crew was bored after ten years in isolation is also not mentioned. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) The succession box says preceded by "none" and cites Jedi Search. Does Jedi Search establish that it was Daala's first flagship, or is it an assumption based on the lack of a previous flagship existing in canon? If it's the latter, please change to "unknown" or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:50, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) *It is Daala's first command, so that would mean that it was her first ship. Plus, she had been a weather woman and cook for like five years. It's all in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:08, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 38) * Just a little thing I missed first time around - the identities of the prisoners (Solo, Chewie and Kyp) should be revealed when they were first brought aboard the Gorgon, as well as the fact that they had escaped from Kessel. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 41) * (Intro) Seeming contradiction-how can Gorgon be one of the best ISDs in the fleet if they haven't had contact with other people for ten years?
 * 42) **Lack of contact has no bearing on the quality of a ship's condition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Then you need to state that that description is someone's opinion instead of explicit fact. That's POV and/or Original Research. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) * This is somewhat nitpicking, but you can't say for sure that they were XX-9s if you're reffing from Jedi Search. That's original research.
 * 46) **Only the numbers are from Jedi Search. I assumed there was a consistency among Star Destroyer weapon models. I've removed the exact types of weapons.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) * I'd like a reference to a standard Star Destroyer's configuration. Is that ISD-I or ISD-II?
 * 48) **Um, I'm not sure what your asking for, but the Gorgon is an ISD-I.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ***You'll need a reference to what a "standard config" is, unless it's stated in Jedi Search what the standard config is, or that Gorgon is at less than standard config. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ****I apologize, I thought I had already reffed that section, hence the confusion. Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * Jedi Search indicates that Gorgon has less than a standard crew at some point during the Maw Installation; you can't say it has 45,000 crew if you're reffing from Jedi Search. It's said to have a skeleton crew.
 * 52) **I hardly call 45,000 a skeleton crew.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) ***If you look closely at Jedi Search, Daala says the normal complement of crew on an ISD was 45,000. In the very next sentence, she states that the Gorgon is running at less than full complement. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Well then the book contradicts itself, because earlier Daala remarks that between her four ISDs, she has 180,000 men at her command. That seems standard to me.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) *****In that case, a BTS note should be made of the contradiction. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ******Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * What is a "ragged shuttle"? Reword.
 * 58) **A ragged shuttle is one that is torn up; severely damaged, etc.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) ***Find me one direct quote from canon that uses that adjective for that purpose and I will strike this. Otherwise, reword it please, because ships don't come in "ragged" condition. Metal can't be "ragged".  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * "Dumbstruck by the news, Daala decided that since Tarkin was dead, his mandate thus nullified, the only thing she could do would be to fight her own guerilla war against the New Republic." Run-on.
 * 61) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * "seemingly fool-proof" is a little POVish. Reword please.
 * 63) **In the book they use even more severe modifiers. Seemingly fool-proof is nothing compared to "invincible", etc. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like those either. And it did seem fool-proof to Daala, and everyone else. I'm just stating facts, it's not POV.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) ***Then state that Daala considered it fool-proof, not that it was fool-proof. That's the difference between POV and NPOV. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) ****Oops. Disregard my last comment, I thought you were referring to the Sun Crusher. It's fixed now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * I know this isn't your fault, but there's some confusion with Mon Calamari vs. Dac.
 * 67) **So...what do you want me to do?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ***Pipelinking is the easiest fix IMO. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Wait, do you want me to replace all mentions of Dac with Mon Calamari?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) *****As far as I'm concerned, simply being consistent and picking one will work. I don't want to see both "Dac" and "Mon Calamari" (in reference to the planet), though. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) ******Both mentions of Mon Calamari are reffering to the species. First to the cities ("the floating cities of the Mon Calamari") and then to the code Ackbar uses to take control of the Startide ("using a Mon Calamari code"). Everything is consistent.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * Spell out New Republic Defense Force and Mon Calamari.
 * 73) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * "Her first real defeat" . . . eh, Daala regarded the loss of the Hydra as a defeat as well IIRC.
 * 75) **Hence first real defeat as opposed to first defeat.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ***In that case, what is a "real" defeat? How is her first defeat not a "real defeat"? Regardless of how you define it, it's still confusing and needs reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) ****I changed "real" to "major". I hope that's acceptable.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) * "and the Durron had already set up a supernova in the nebula." Reword.
 * 79) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) * "to make an emergency hyperspace jump to any point." Reword; the last part is a bit vague.
 * 81) **Vagueness excised.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * "But it was too late, as the burst of energy radiated out from the supernova explosion the Gorgon barely made it out of the nebula, while the Basilisk was not so lucky, and was incinerated." Reword, stilted wording.
 * 83) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) * "and that too many good men had died because of her selfish actions." POV.
 * 85) **Daala's own words.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ***Which are explicitly POV. This needs reworded; you can say it's from Daala's POV, but you cannot say that people were "good men" explicitly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) ****Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:33, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) From the planet-slagging flagship of Chack Jadson:
 * 90) * "Gorgon would prove to be the Installation's bane." I don't like this wording.
 * 91) **Corrected.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) * "It was a powerful vessel". POV, and doesn't flow with the next sentence.
 * 93) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) * "The Gorgon was unusual in that it possessed a complement of assault and support craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement." Again, I think this could be worded a little better.
 * 95) **Reworded.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) * In the first quote in History, are you sure it's accurate. Not "the" Maw Installation?
 * 97) **Yes.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:23, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) * "The Gorgon was constructed over Kuat by Kuat Drive Yards and was commissioned by Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin. The Gorgon was constructed alongside three other Imperial Star Destroyers: the Hydra, the Basilisk, and the Manticore." I'd like these sentences to flow better.
 * 99) **Reworded.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * "which had been created by Tarkin himself." Obviously, Tarkin didn't create the plan, just the tactic, but that's not the impression I get. Please rephrase.
 * 101) **Rephrased.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * "in her opinion too many good men had died because of her selfish actions." Could use better phrasing and positioning in the sentence.
 * 103) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:31, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) "These vessels were intended by Tarkin to guard his secret military research facility, Maw Installation, where monstrosities such as the Death Star and the World Devastators were designed." - monstrosities borders on POV, I feel. "Maw Fleet" or "Maw fleet" - choose one, preferably the latter. Thefourdotelipsis 10:55, 28 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:41, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) Toprawa:
 * 108) * I'm glad I have this opportunity to make this objection, because I've been waiting for this. From the second edition of A Guide to the Star Wars Universe, originally from the Death Star Technical Companion, "Every Imperial-class or Super-class Star Destroyer...has a special throne room set aside for [the Emperor's] specific and total use. From each throne room, the Emperor can take control of ship systems, monitor all activity, and contemplate the dark side of the Force and his own grand schemes." Something discussing this should be added to the "Specifications" section. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:45, 29 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:41, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) *If the ship was commissioned in 1 ABY, it needs a Rebellion era tag at the top of the page and in the infobox
 * 111) **This has been fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:03, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 112) ***And in the infobox. It appears that the field is missing from this page. I would suggest reloading the Indivivdual ship infobox while making sure there aren't any other omitted fields that could be filled in. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:29, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 113) * What kind of shuttle? A New Republic shuttle? Please specify: "before a lone shuttle entered the Maw and was captured by the Gorgon ' s tractor beams"
 * 114) **Corrected. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:03, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) * And what is the fate of the Empire? Since Endor, for example? Greater specification/contextification: "Daala learned the fate of the Empire"
 * 116) * This makes no sense to me. How can it be fulfilling its duty of protecting the installation by destroying it? I would request this be reworded: "the Gorgon fulfilled its role of protector by destroying the Installation"
 * 117) **Also corrected. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:03, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 118) * Is it delivering Daala to sanctuary with the Remnant? So she can become its leader? Please specify why this is happening: "after transporting Daala to the Imperial Remnant in the Deep Core"
 * 119) **Corrected. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:03, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 120) * Who are "the warlords"? Context, please: "the warlords dismantled the Star Destroyer"
 * 121) **Contextified. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:03, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) *The date of its dismantling should also be worked in there somewhere. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:17, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 123) **Tossed in a 12 ABY. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:03, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) ***Well, I meant the intro, which I have since added. But the infobox claims it was dismantled in 11 ABY, not 12 ABY. Which is it? Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:29, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) ****I changed it to 11.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:16, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) *The majority of the Description section is effectively being sourced to Complete Cross Sections. Please remedy.
 * 127) **Changed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:33, 27 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) *I'd like to see something mentioned in this same section dealing with the crew size and how it compares to the standard crew of an ISD, whatever that figure may be. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:58, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 129) **That's kind of dicey; check out the BTS. I'll work on it however.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:33, 27 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) *After reading through the ship's individual entry in the Star Wars Encyclopedia and comparing that entry to this article's introduction, it's like reading about two different ships. The second paragraph of the intro is very weak and should be rewritten almost in full. I would suggest using the SWE entry as a guide. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:10, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 131) **This is what I'm talking about: from the SWE entry, "[Daala] set what appeared to be a suicide course into the Installation, presumably destroying the Gorgon. In reality, she took the ship...to the Core Worlds, etc." The intro just claims that the Gorgon fired at and destroyed the station, with no mention of its presumed destruction. Did the NR think it was destroyed, for example? This should all be discussed in the intro. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:29, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) ***Gotcha. Added a bit.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:16, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Remove nomination (Inquisitorius vote only)
 * 1) It's been three weeks since the author contributed to the site, and two since the last objection was placed with no attempts on anyone's part to rectify it.  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:26, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  4 votes or not, this thing is idle. Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:19, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *If Chack is truly willing to work on this, as he's indicated to me directly, that's fine. I won't hesitate to reinstate this vote should he choose not to, however. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:48, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Do not remove nomination (Inquisitorius vote only)
 * 1) Negative. If Chack's willing to adopt it and other people take it over, I think it's fine.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:43, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You know, I never ever say this but... per Ataru. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 21:34, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 08:53, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Demetrius Zaarin

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:21, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally got around to finishing it. Don't click the links if you don't want to be disappointed.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support Oppose
 * 1) Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:24, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:46, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I clicked and found this masterpiece. :p --Eyrezer 19:05, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 2) * Sparring with the alien Grand Admiral: First paragraph had the Rahmat destroyed twice. Should the second be the Strident?
 * 3) **Not sure that the Stridents destruction is an objective, so I've just left it as the convoy being captured.
 * 4) * How about another quote in there somewhere? Something from the Strategy Guide maybe. A spoken version of the lead quote wouldn't go amiss either. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:57, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Got another quote in there from the Strategy Guide. I'll try and get the spoken quote later. Thefourdotelipsis 01:57, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Turns out the file's already on the site. A little longer than the quote, but I'll leave you to trim it. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) I don't get the stuff about his rank. He's a Grand Admiral, then an admiral. Some clarification would be nice. My apologies if I missed it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:43, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *I've tried to explain this in the BTS; he's a Grand Admiral, but since he launches a coup, he can't actually hold that rank anymore, since he's not a part of the circle of 12. However, IU, he's never referred to as "Grand Admiral," just "Admiral." So, post coup, he'd just be "Admiral." Thefourdotelipsis 01:40, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **That's what I figured from the BTS and the article. Thanks!  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 11) *" Died: 4 ABY (38)." This 38 is before reSyncronization, right? A "brS" should probably be stuck in there with a link for people who don't know what the number means (e.g. most people :-P) so's they don't think it's his age or anything.
 * 12) **Added.
 * 13) ***And I've taken it back out again. 4 ABY is after the Great ReSynchronization so BrS is not applicable. Dates after that don't have any trailing characters. Green Tentacle (Talk) 11:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Ah. Sorry about that. Seems odd it isn't ArS or something (though maybe they avoided that acronym for a reason). I've pipelinked the number to Great ReSynchronization. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * The intro implies that his traitorous thoughts began to form after the Habeen incident, while the bio differs. A slight change to that sentence in the intro should sort it; e.g. "at some point in his career, he had become..." or some such, assuming the order in the bio is correct.
 * 16) **Weaseled out of. :P
 * 17) * "As soon as he had possession of the hyperdrive technology, Zaarin sent it to his technicians and scientists" &mdash;were these on his ship, or where? Please clarify.
 * 18) **The previous sentence says "and the freighters were free to dock with the Shamus, transferring over their technology into Imperial hands." Was that the point of contention...I'm a touch confused.
 * 19) ***Upon further inspection, I'm not really sure what my problem was.
 * 20) * "The operation was a success, but whether or not the Nharwaak still possessed the technology, perhaps hidden at another location, was yet to be seen" &mdash; I'm not liking this sentence. I'd like to either go completely, be altered to loosely be from Zaarin's POV, or else for you to just state outright that they still possessed it.
 * 21) **That was direct from the game. In hindsight, though, it's not needed, so it's gone.
 * 22) * "His scientists and technicians drastically redesigned the standard TIE, and were able to create prototypes of the new TIE Defender" -- I'd like to see a brief explanation of what the new fighter could do/how it differed from the last, either here or earlier.
 * 23) **Rather cheaply elaborated on, do tell if it needs more though. :P
 * 24) ***It'll do. Maybe pipelink "heavily armed" into some sort of weapon, if that's appropriate.
 * 25) * Would it be possible to merge the one-paragraph section with the above one with a slight alteration to its title? It looks odd as is.
 * 26) **The TIE Experimental one? Normally I'd refrain from doing that, but the method to that particular madness was that they're under a "Projects" subheader, and in a way, Zaarin's early bio is almost like a reeling off of his various projects, one per section. If you think it's a major issue though, I'll relent. Thefourdotelipsis 01:35, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***No, your reasoning makes sense. It would look much better with a quote under the section title, though.
 * 28) * Any chance of a few more quotes?
 * 29) **Bunged a couple in...I'm not a huge fan of them, though. Thefourdotelipsis 00:43, 29 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Channeling Ataru here: try to avoid using the word "decimated" unless it's definitively stated in the source.
 * 31) **That whole "1/10th" thing has been outmoded. :P Besides, any number of Star Wars works (TIE included, if memory serves) throw the word about willy-nilly. Thefourdotelipsis 02:15, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Blame Ataru. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * If you already haven't, you might want to check the original Gamer draft of Who's Who that is currently circulating. If you don't have a copy, I can send you one; I know Hydro and Darth Culator also have copies. It would probably also be prudent to search for any BtS info given by Abel or Dan about his Who's Who appearance, and his first name, if its available. jSarek, and obviously Google may be able to help you on that front.
 * 34) **The draft doesn't contain anything unique. Thefourdotelipsis 00:31, 29 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) ***And there doesn't seem to be anything else (at least, that I can find) in the way of BTS info. Thefourdotelipsis 09:49, 2 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ** I still have the last two sections and the appendices to read. Excellent work, and mostly a really interesting article. It's blindingly obvious it's all from a game though, and a bit heavy in parts. Not your fault, though. I'm yearning to play TIE fighter now, too. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:19, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 38) * "but they were thwarted by reinforcements by Lord Darth Vader and Vice Admiral Thrawn" Reword the prepositions around reinforcements; reads awkwardly.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) * "One of the earlier projects that Zaarin had been involved with was the Vorknkx Project, " This should be ordered chronologically in the article.
 * 41) **It is placed chronologically. I would have said "Amongst the first of Zaarin's projects," but we don't know that.
 * 42) ***I've never played TIE Fighter, so I wouldn't know, but is the project listed before he got the station? It seems to imply that from the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:37, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ****That's not stated. At any rate, the current wording could mean both. Depends on how you choose to read it. Since we don't really know, I think it's neutral enough as is. Thefourdotelipsis 01:07, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * 2nd paragraph of TIE Advanced development needs more syntax variety; lots of short sentences there.
 * 45) **Merged two of the sentences...need some more specifics on that one.
 * 46) ***It's better. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:37, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) * " before Crundha urgently summoned Zaarin." Some context here would be good.
 * 48) **There's no direct context in the book, unfortunately. It could be in relation to the coup, could be in relation to the next mission.
 * 49) ***I tried to reword it some; change it back if it looks bad or isn't correct. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:37, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * "was a loyalist" Loyalist to whom?
 * 51) **Clarified.
 * 52) * "The Grand Admiral was ordered to lead an attack on Galactic Electronics, and was to recover the mag pulse technology, seize all personnel, and destroy their base." Awkward wording here.
 * 53) **Retooled.
 * 54) * Some times you italicize coup, some times you don't. Pick one.
 * 55) **Done. Thefourdotelipsis 23:21, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) *A Wikia slowdown is occurring. Regardless, I just finished Omar bombings and will hopefully finish this in a couple days. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:43, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Darth Vader taked Zaarin " Verbage?</s.
 * 58) **Magically fixed by Toprawa. It was missing a letter. :P
 * 59) *"Thrawn's forces subsequently set up a trap" Contextify the trap bit, please.
 * 60) **I think that's info for the Battle of Kilimaar article...the fact that there was a trap is already one step beyond Zaarin's story, and I'd rather not take the next one.
 * ", interdictor Red Claw," Should there be capitalization here? I'd fix it, but I'm not familiar with Imperial nomenclature.
 * 1) **Not using it as a specific ship class in this instance (I find it becomes tiresome and unwieldy), rather, I'm using it as a ship type for clarification.
 * 2) * " the destroyer Grey Wolf" Similar to above.
 * 3) **Same thing here.
 * 4) * "Yet another convoy of Missile Boats was apparently to be traveling through the Semag system, this time carrying real units." This doesn't transition well from the previous paragraph; please reword it a mite, and the yet another is repetitive considering the next sentence.
 * 5) **Ditched the "to be." Thefourdotelipsis 00:46, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Although he had initially failed to capture the Vorknkx, Zaarin was far from being defeated." This is a bit flowery.
 * 7) **Rewritten.
 * 8) *" The evidence of Zaarin's folly, however, soon became evident" Far too flowery, and poorly worded.
 * 9) **Is it? I'm not sure that it is...do you have a recommendation for a replacement?
 * 10) ***I guess my biggest complaint with the sentence is the "evidence . . . evident" wording. If that was changed I would be happy. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:32, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Ah. That is bad. :P Tweaked. Thefourdotelipsis 00:46, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Demetrius Zaarin would be reviled for his actions made late in life" Reviled by whom?
 * 13) **Clarified.
 * 14) * P&T needs resorted. The paragraphs are composed of loose sentences with little relation to one another. Use one for his fix for tech, use one for his feelings towards his fellow officers, Thrawn, Chundra, etc, and so on.
 * 15) **Juggled.
 * 16) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:37, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 01:07, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) Toprawa:
 * 19) * This Nexus links to a completely different ship. Please rectify: "Imperial diplomats were dispatched aboard the shuttle Nexus"
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) * As does Fairfax: "while Habeen diplomats set out in the Fairfax"
 * 22) **Gah. Disgraceful. Fixed.
 * 23) * I'm confused here. What starfighter model? A successor to the project he just completed? "a successor to the starfighter model"
 * 24) **"With the TIE Advanced project complete, Zaarin dedicated his resources to creating a successor to the starfighter model." - The TIE Advanced.
 * 25) * Zaarin's developments are not Imperial matters? I'd like a better description here, please: "cared initially only for Stele's opinions on Imperial matters"
 * 26) **Fixed.
 * 27) *This implies to me that Steele was a bit skeptical of Zaarin. Can we do a little bit more to spell this out? "Stele was careful in his wording, however, claiming that since Zaarin was an admiral in the Imperial Navy, he would serve him absolutely."
 * 28) **In what regard? The scene plays out from Stele's perspective, so it's a little hard to gauge what's going on with Zaarin.
 * 29) ***I think you may have misread my objection. I'm looking for a bit more on what Steele was thinking. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:11, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * I would like to see a little bit explaining the significance of what beam weaponry is: "he was refining beam weapon technology for use within starfighters."
 * 31) **Given it a bit more layman relevance. :P
 * 32) * I would like to see something detailing the significance of Zaarin and the Empire entering the neutral Corporate Sector to capture the GE platform
 * 33) **There's nothing relevant in the sources whatsoever.
 * 34) ***Yeah, nevermind, I read into something too much in the Pondut article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:11, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * Also, it seems some kind of quote can be found for the "Beam weaponry" section, specifically dealing with the GE capture
 * 36) **I'd rather not. I find quotes to be a colossal pain in the ass, especially when used ad nauseum. 90% of quotes end up being redundant anyway.
 * 37) ***Fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:11, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Something could be added to the TIE Experimental Project discussing the extreme threat the project posed to the Alliance - endless droid ships
 * 39) **Added.
 * 40) * Who's forces? Vader's or Harkov's? "his forces were struggling there"
 * 41) **Vader's. Fixed.
 * 42) * The rest of that paragraph is detailing a battle whose specifics have little to do with Zaarin himself. Mentioning specific ships here is far too detailed for such peripheral information. Please cut out all the unnecessaries.
 * 43) **Done.
 * 44) * The second clause of this sentence has nothing to do with the first. It's extremely disjointed. Please rewrite: " The Dark Lord had realized Zaarin's intent, though, and the Garrett was carrying several TIE Defenders, which possessed powerful hyperdrive units."
 * 45) **Tweaked.
 * 46) * Please link something to "gunboat": "as well as gunboats from Z-Mu and Z-Tau Squadrons"
 * 47) **Actually, that would require linking to Alpha-class Xg-1 Star Wing for a second time.
 * 48) * We are last left off with the understanding that Thrawn is a Vice Admiral. If he's now an admiral, something should be thrown in explaining his promotion: "To put an end to the Chiss admiral,"
 * 49) **Note added.
 * 50) * They're vulnerable? Please explain how: "Although Stele drove off the attackers, the corvettes and by extension the prototypes, were vulnerable"
 * 51) **Fixed
 * 52) * Captured by whom? "During the earlier ambush by the Rneekii, the chief TIE Defender scientist had been captured."
 * 53) **"During the earlier ambush by the Rneekii, the chief Imperial TIE Defender scientist had been captured by the pirates."
 * 54) ***Yeah, I fixed that myself and didn't mean to leave this objection. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:11, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * I'd like to see the "cruisers" specified by ship class here, please: "Task Force Whirlwind, made up of an Interdictor and three cruisers"
 * 56) **Done.
 * 57) * Can we specify the name of this SSD? "Palpatine was traveling aboard the C-3 passenger liner Excalibur to visit his Super Star Destroyer." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:40, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **It's not stated in the source. Thefourdotelipsis 04:21, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) ***Lame. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:11, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Celeste Morne

 * Nominated by: Ajeanette 6 July 2008
 * Nomination comments:I managed to receive good article status with plenty of help and guidance and I am ready to take the next step.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great job with the article. We love to see major characters get FA'd. DC 17:19, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:44, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From DC
 * 2) * Eliminate links in her quotes.
 * 3) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 4) *Early Career: Give some context on what a Shadow was.
 * 5) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 6) * Same with the Muur Talisman.
 * 7) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 8) * I think it would be a good idea to include the Covenant's vision of Muur.
 * 9) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 10) * In Pursuit of the Muur Talisman: Taris: "In the Tarisian Undercity, Celeste came to the aid of Sector Constable Noana Sowrs under attack by rakghouls, deformed, mindless mutants which could transmit a namesake plague through their bites." This sentence is missing some key parts, and as a result, doesn't read right.
 * 11) **Addressed Ajeanette 27 July 2008
 * 12) * "From their conversation." Zayne and Celeste had a conversation? Transition that better from the sentence before that to the given sentence so its understandable.
 * 13) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 14) * Give a bit more context on who Gryph was.
 * 15) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 16) *Jebble: "In the process, they discovered that Jebble was not just a local war forge or training center, but a staging area for invasion, and all of the Mandalorian recruits from the Outer Rim present were about to become infected by the disease," is a major run-on. Please fix this.
 * 17) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 18) *Sending out Communication: Give some context about who Cassus Fett was.
 * 19) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 20) * What happened to Pulsipher?
 * 21) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 22) *Possession: "Celeste became enraged at the duo for questioning her devotion to the Draay family and the Covenant and turned on them," is another run-on.
 * 23) **Addressed Ajeanette 27 July 2008
 * 24) * Give context on Crys Taanzer as well.
 * 25) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 26) * Oh come on, there is a lot more you could write with the P&A and P&T. There is nothing from the Dark Times comics in there, and she has been featured prominently in six issues.
 * 27) **Addressed Ajeanette 24 July 2008
 * 28) ***I still think it could be expanded a bit further. DC 21:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 30) *****Alright, it looks a lot better than before now. Great job. DC 03:46, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Also, you could expand on what has been said of Vector 7. She engaged Skywalker in a duel, and was fully controlled by the Muur Talisman at this time.
 * 32) **I added a little bit, but I think it would be a good idea to hold off on most of this for now. I took the summaries and previews for their word as to how the Talisman has affected her by Vector 7 and although the cover shows a duel between her and Skywalker, from experience, covers can, at times, be deceiving. As soon as I am sure I will update, but if you feel otherwise please let me know why. Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 33) * And seriously, the other side? I would fix this myself, but I think it would be a good idea for you to fix this. Change it to the Rebellion.
 * 34) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 35) *This article isn't bad, but there is a lot of missing context, and a tad bit of missing info. Some sentences transitioned badly as well, so it would be a good idea to run this through another copyedit. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **I realize that this may be a long list to fulfill, and that it could take some time to fix all of my objections, but honestly, taking an article from a GA to a FA is a big step to take. I don't know if you've been through the FAN page process before, but I'm telling you right now, this article may take a while to become a FA. If you need little bit of help, Fourdot wrote an excellent tutorial on character FAs that I use quite often when I write FAs. DC 21:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the stasis chamber of Chack Jadson:
 * 38) * Context on Shadow in the intro.
 * 39) **I cleaned up the first paragraph and added a few words in order to connect information from the first sentence to the second. If you feel a reader would still be confused let me know where the wording is ambiguous. Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 40) * "As an agent for the Covenant, the records of her identity were erased from Jedi Order rolls so that she would give her whole effort in service to the Covenant's cause to prevent the rise of the Sith." This could be written better.
 * 41) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 42) * Context on Karness in the intro.
 * 43) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 44) * "Ever since the Muur Talisman was lost on Taris those unfortunate to dwell in the Undercity feared these deformed, mindless mutants which could transmit a namesake plague" POV, perhaps split into two sentences also.
 * 45) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 46) * Refer to beings by last names.
 * 47) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 48) * Did Gryph get captured when he fell? If so, mention that rather than springing it on the reader later.
 * 49) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 50) * Context on the people in the Moomo Williwaw who saved them.
 * 51) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 52) * Context on the Uhumele. Is it a pirate vessel?
 * 53) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 54) * Can we get a better quote for P&T?
 * 55) **Addressed Ajeanette 12 August 2008
 * 56) *Pretty good.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:51, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) Four Dot
 * 58) *"Despite Morne's disdain for their company, Carrick and Hierogryph accompanied her as she continued to navigtate the Undercity and engaged in conversation where Morne soon learned Carrick's identity." - This doesn't read well, and needs to be rephrased.
 * 59) *"Therefore, since she believed that Luke was a Jedi (but not yet), she proceeded to attack him." - The "but not yet" thing doesn't quite work.
 * 60) *"Celeste is a name derived from the word caelestis of Latin origin, meaning "heavenly"." But it's a real name. So that's kinda irrelevant. Thefourdotelipsis 09:47, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) BTS could be greatly expanded with information from John Jackson Miller's site, farawaypress.com. Some links:   (The site's back up now, so I've edited this accordingly.) - Lord Hydronium 10:09, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *Another one.

Remove nomination (Inquisitorius vote only)
 * 1) Not going anywhere fast.  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:30, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I think it would be advisable for the author to wait until Legacy: Vector is completed, put some effort into ironing out the wrinkles, and return to FAN in a few months when he or she has more time to fix objections, and I'm confident it will eventually pass then. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:21, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) It would indeed seem appropriate to wait until the completion of this character's biographical development to FAN this article, for the sake of stability. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:59, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I think you should wait until Vector's completion before making this a FA. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 21:16, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, there have been some articles that have been made into FA's while the article still had planned appearances. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Now that the next issue of Vector is out today, I think you should update it if you have it. Just don't forget to add that there are spoilers in the article here. DC 17:48, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I had hoped that this would not be the case, but school has taken up much more time than I thought it would so, until the winter break, I will not be able to make any further additions to this page or Wookiepedia. However, I will leave this nomination up for now in case someone else would like to take charge and I will attempt to return to the article in December which, as some have said, may work for the best since all issues of Vector should be out by then. Thank you everyone for all your own contributions for me and the article. See you in December! Ajeanette 27 September 2008

Haninum Tyk Rhinann

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sing out if it gets confusing. :S

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. Just finished the book myself; looks like you have all the info in there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:18, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:05, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I love how you use the ANH novel to ref Vader's Dark Lordiness so that you can ref the rest of the article; I did the same thing on Dhol. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:09, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I just finished reading the novel...nice work here guys --Jinzler 12:47, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Though the reffing annoys me.... :P  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:56, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Information would be spread throughout the underground that claimed that the droid possessed information vital to the Whiplash resistance movement, and Vader was able to make sure that the information made its way to Jedi Master Even Piell, who was Pavan's former master. You use information three times in this sentence - is there any alternatives you can use to avoid repetition?
 * 3) **Used "data" for the middle one.
 * 4) * The fight was taking outside the resiblock named the "Coruscant Arms," I think you're missing a word in the sentence. Also, I thought the fight took place inside the building?
 * 5) **It was meant to be "a resiblock." As for the location, the way I'm reading it, Nick engages the stormtroopers as they prepare to enter the building...I could be reading it wrong, though.
 * 6) * A little context on who Captain Tanna is would be appreciated. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:39, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Given what little there is. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 9) * No quotes at all? Presumably you just forgot this bit, as I've done many times before. :-) Even though most of the good lines about him are internal thoughts, you should be able to come up with some decent quotes.
 * 10) **Yes...forgot... They're in there now.
 * 11) * Could we get a mention of his dislike for the Eloms in the P&T or bio, somewhere?
 * 12) **Gotcha.
 * 13) * Could we also get a mention of how afraid he was of Vader in the bio?; it definitely seems relevant.
 * 14) **Added.
 * 15) * Do we have any idea what duties Rhinann carried out as Vader's aide before JT? I can't remember, so if there isn't, my apologies.
 * 16) **There's nothing specific, no.
 * 17) * This isn't an objection per se, but most of the sentences in the intro seem slightly short; do you think you could merge some? If you've reasons not to, please let me know.
 * 18) **To me, they don't seem particularly short, but if there are any specific ones that you think don't read well, I'd be more than happy to oblige.
 * 19) ***Looks fine.
 * 20) * The word "then" is heavily overused in the latter part of the second paragraph of the bio.
 * 21) **I've pared it down a bit, let me know if it needs more.
 * 22) * "Rhinann was fascinated by the Force, and his interest was one of his key reasons for accepting the job of Vader's aide, even though the alternative was slavery." Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but it seems to imply that a life of slavery would be a positive one.
 * 23) **Ah, yes. I know what I mean, but it's not very clear. :P I've tried to clarify that a bit.
 * 24) ***Ah, I understand what you were saying now. It's much clearer now.
 * 25) * First two sentences of the second paragraph of the P&T are very similar in structure, with two "even though"s. Please alter one.
 * 26) **I've changed the first to "although" but the structure is still the same...do you want me to completely overhaul the second sentence?
 * 27) ***Nah, it's fine.
 * 28) * Could the BtS be expanded a bit? You could say that he was something of an antagonist, and that it was through his POV that Vader was dealt with, and that his joining the good guys opens up the possibility for him to appear in later Coruscant Nights installments.
 * 29) **I've given it another sentence, but I feel the rest might be a bit too...speculatory.
 * 30) **Very good article, though I think a decent copyedit would do a lot of it. Interesting character, to boot. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:02, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Just to make it formal: this needs a Street of Shadows update, though he plays less of a role than in JT. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:03, 28 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *Note: I haven't abandoned this, I'm still waiting for the damn thing to come in the mail. It'll be up almost as soon as I get it (hopefully.) Thefourdotelipsis 00:12, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The entire thing is just Coruscant Nights I: Jedi Twilight spoilers. Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If this isn't promoted soon, then Coruscant Nights II: Street of Shadows will be released and you will have to do the whole thing all over again. Although nothing has been confirmed yet, it is likely that he will appear in that or at least be mentioned. I think it comes out on the 26th August --Jinzler 13:39, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, he has a part in this book. Info needs to be added. I'm sure Fourdot will get to it soon.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:23, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Buick

 * Nominated by: 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I was moved into action by 4dot's Max.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) A flying car!? Stupid Back to the Future copycats..... DC 01:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 01:36, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Objections sorted partially in IRC.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:22, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Entertaining. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:55, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:45, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Because Jorrel Fraajic likes to torture himself so others can't:
 * 2) * Needs way better images (and more of them) - If there's anyone, anyone who has any of the games and the ability to screencap consoles, contact me here or on my talk page (or in IRC, even). 21:14, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **While I have placed newer, higher quality images, they're all from the same source (original RS). I'm quite pleased with them and if I have no alternatives I'll use just them, but if there's a way for someone to grab them from the other games, the above request stands. 20:47, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Well too bad...
 * 5) * Ref tag in intro.
 * 6) **Allowed because I make no reference to it later.
 * 7) * possibly suggesting the use of dovin basals for propulsion. Unless there's a specific source for that, its speculation.....
 * 8) **Well... dovin basals allowed a ship to travel without any external engines, right? Isn't that source enough? :P Nah, I'll fix it. Kinda disappointed it didn't last one objector, though.
 * 9) * First, a swinging Max head, from the classic adventure series Sam and Max. Second, a bobblehead monkey, reminiscent of the adventure series Monkey Island. Both of those are fragments. DC 22:26, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Good point. Fixed. 01:10, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Buick.JPG is a tad low quality. --Imperialles 05:25, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *See the first objection. :P I totally agree, though, and am working feverishly to track down a way to get a better one. 05:37, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Better one found, placed instead of Image:Buick.JPG: Image:Buick.jpg. 20:47, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 4) *" Its construct was a unique design in the galaxy, as it apparently came from outside known space." Speculation.
 * 5) **Not really, if you look at the initial quote. Got rid of weasel word though.
 * 6) * "its use dropped off around the same time the Rebellion defeated the Imperials at the Battle of Endor in 4 ABY. The starfighter was seen again as late as 10 ABY before once again fading into obscurity." Speculation.
 * 7) **Not really... the missions it's usable in all stop at the BOE, except for one that takes place on Mon Calamari 6 years later. Suggestions on how to repair?
 * 8) ***I wouldn't say anything about fading into obscurity, since no source says whether or not it was used beyond those instances. This is like saying Nall died on Taris . . . it's not confirmed, so you can't say it. I would cut/reword anything that indicates it fell out of use, and just state when it was used. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:28, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Thanks for the suggestions. I've adjusted as necessary. 04:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * "the hull was also described as being heavily armored, protecting the pilot and any passengers." Vary up one described in this sentence.
 * 11) **Described --> Noted
 * 12) * "whose most notable attribute was its oddly bobbing head.[4]" POV.
 * 13) **Removed POV-ish word.
 * 14) * "Strangely, this only seemed to affect the later model of car.[2]" This obviously isn't a car.
 * 15) **Technically, it's referred to as a "car". Whether or not it matches our car isn't known, but it is described as a "car" in official sources. Also, car.
 * 16) * Is this vehicle shown canonically jumping to hyperspace, or is that an assumption?
 * 17) **Several missions in which it is able to partake in require no other Alliance ship presence. Also, IIRC, there's a thing of dialogue in the mission briefing that states something along the lines of "you will get to your location via hyperspace".
 * 18) * Reference note 6 is original research. 5 is pushing it.
 * 19) **Removed ref 6. 5 has no other explanation.
 * 20) * "It wasn't until 10 ABY, during the time of the First Battle of Mon Calamari, that the Buick resurfaced. Shortly after, though, it again faded into non-use" Is this explicitly canon? If not, it's original research.
 * 21) **It's ambiguous: it doesn't actually show up after the Battle of Endor in any other battles until the Mon Calamari battle. Like I stated before, if you have suggestions on how to fix, I'm willing to fix it.
 * 22) ***See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:28, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ****You too. 04:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Redlink in references.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Originally used in a purely atmospheric manner, the Buick was almost identical in function to Naboo's security forces' V-19 landspeeder, where it performed as a landspeeder" Clarify.
 * 27) **Clarified.
 * 28) *" The engines would quickly catch up, however, and would allow the pilot to regain control and movement." Reword.
 * 29) **Reworded.
 * 30) * "The latest tweaks to the Buick's interior included two decorative ornaments:" How do we know those are the latest?
 * 31) **Hmm. Looks like I was going by actual gameplay, not timewise-line. Fixed.
 * 32) * "multiple seats allowed seating for multiple passengers" Redundant wording.
 * 33) **Redundancy removed.
 * 34) *That's round 1. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:15, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) **Thanks, Ataru. 20:39, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * "While its main role was dogfighting, its advanced systems and devices allowed it to take on installations, larger starships, and planet-bound structures. " Is it specifically said to be primarily an anti-starfighter weapon?
 * 37) **Not specifically stated, no. However, its mission profiles, as well as knowledge on the ship it replaces (and keeps the stats from), the RZ-1 A-wing interceptor, provide proof towards this description.
 * 38) ***That would seem to contradict the information about the ground-based/airspeeder variants. I would like to see this describe that there were several different configurations of the Buick, each with a particular use, rather than flat-out say a primary mission role. What you have at the moment is the equivalent of saying that, say, an F.15 Eagle's role is primarily air-to-air combat; that completely ignores the F-15E strike variant. I have adjusted the article accordingly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:11, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * "and were largely visible from any angle" Reword.
 * 40) **Removed.
 * 41) * "detailing a specific readout of the Buick" Reword.
 * 42) **Removed specific, added "different" - think the control panel of a car.
 * 43) * Do we know what the interior looked like in the Naboo defense time-frame? It seems to me that would be pertinent information to add, since all the refs in that section are from the RS games.
 * 44) **No, and I've been meaning to find out. It will be taken care of once I get to the desktop. Also, much of that section has been further fleshed out with information from BfN.
 * 45) ***Alright, there really are no good shots of the Buick's inside from BfN, and, as such, very little detail. It's mostly all the same as RSII's interior. I did re-source on of the old refs using what information I did gather. 01:36, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * "There were, however, two glowing lights that may have been the endings of the engines, as their continual glow was reminiscent of other engines at the time." Speculation
 * 47) **I've seen worse go through undetected before, but I've changed anyway. Besides, I found out that they are indeed engines. (You would've really hated my "possibly suggesting the use of dovin basals for propulsion" line :P )
 * 48) * "In space combat, it was largely responsible for engaging in dogfights with enemy unit" Same as above, is it stated to be a primarily anti-starfighter weapon?
 * 49) **Per above.
 * 50) * Does not appear to have the full list of categories.
 * 51) **One thing I forgot from the addition of that Naboo game to the sources. Should have all (or close to all)
 * 52) *Okay, that should be all the objections from me. May your day be just as Super, Terrific, Friendly, and Un-frustrating as before. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:07, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **It had better be. 17:00, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) The Anvil:
 * 55) * You have several instances of repitition of statements, whether slightly changed or exact. Example: "A very compact hyperdrive was installed on the craft, allowing it to travel to distant places without the need for additional support craft or units; in this way, it was entirely possible for the craft to act autonomously.", and "The installation of the hyperdrive allowed it freedom to work as its own unit." Please comb over and change, so as to avoid redundancy.
 * 56) **I think I have addressed the repetitive redundancy. 16:43, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) Toprawa:
 * 58) * Intro objections:
 * 59) ** This is ORish, and a bit confusing. How do we know it was "very basic" compared to other ships? And what exactly does "little in the way of displays or buttons" mean? Do other space vehicles have these? Please clarify: "The interior of the Buick was very basic when compared to other ships of its era, possessing little in the way of displays or buttons"
 * 60) ***Cleaned up a bit.
 * 61) ** The second intro paragraph, per our discussions of "modifications" and "upgrades" in IRC, needs to be handled as such. Specifically, I find:
 * 62) *** "Later upgrades added several systems"
 * 63) ****Removinated.
 * 64) *** "The convertible was originally restricted to only planetside combat "
 * 65) ****Gone.
 * 66) *** "its systems were advanced so that the vessel could function at higher altitudes as an airspeeder."
 * 67) ****Removed
 * 68) *** "Soon after, its systems were once again upgraded" Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:56, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Another statement detailing how it's not there anymore. Thanks! 17:59, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * Before I move into the "Description" section, the "Role" section is inappropriate given that this is an article about an individual ship and not a ship class. All relevant information in that section should be merged into the Description section. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:32, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) **Yeah, I recall having encountered this objection on some other article. I recall fixing it, but either I'm crazy or Wikia lost the edit (or I didn't push save). It's taken care of, now. 17:51, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * The Battle of Naboo link in the introduction leads to a disambig page. Please link to a more specific article.
 * 73) **I 1-up'd you: 2 specific articles have now been linked ;)
 * 74) * Please specify who this person is, and in what year would probably be relevant: "Described as a classic vessel by at least one person"
 * 75) **Specified.
 * 76) * This is still OR/speculation despite your reference note explaining this. Rather than asserting this into the article, a BTS explanation would be best: "The car also contained a unique atmosphere retention device, allowing the pilot to survive when exposed to empty space when the top was down." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:08, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) **Eh, I just got rid of it. I might re-add it into the BtS at some time, but for now it's out. Also, all instances of "modified" have been removed (unless I missed one or two somewhere). Thanks for the review (again)! 15:30, 22 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) *Why speculate here? You say definitively that it did participate in these events previously: "where it may have participated in ground-based missions surrounding the events of the Battle of Naboo."
 * 79) **The definitely is in the wrong here. I've removed it.
 * 80) * Likewise please fix that same disambig link
 * 81) **Done.
 * 82) * You say it turned up in the hands of the Naboo Security Forces, but was piloted by a battle droid. Does anything ever explicitly link it to the Naboo?
 * 83) **There's the fact it receives Naboo orders, fights against the Trade Federation, and is essentially the Gian speeder with a different paint job.
 * 84) * Can we be more specific and say it was attached to a Mon Calamari Cruiser? I'm pretty sure every hangar ever seen in these games is part of a Mon Cal ship: " The Rebellion stored it in different hangars"
 * 85) **Good point.
 * 86) * Please apply the appropriate link to the video game and not the squadron article: "present throughout every game in the Rogue Squadron series of games"
 * 87) **Disregarded per IRC.
 * 88) * This is pretty trivial. I'd prefer to see this just removed: " In the Nintendo 64 version of Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, a glitch causes the game to crash if the player pauses the game while flying the Buick. "
 * 89) **Removed
 * 90) * Ditto: "the same "pause glitch" occurs in the unlocked PC version."
 * 91) **Removed
 * 92) * This sentence is unnecessary speculative material, especially given that you proclaim in the very next sentence that it more or less is a 1969 Buick Electra: "It most resembles the 1969 Buick Electra convertible, especially under a comparison of the front ends and grills" Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:08, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) **Ha ha, remnants of an older copy. Yeah, it's gone now. 17:04, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1,208 words. 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Just as a heads-up, I just recently discovered that the Buick was actually featured in another game, Star Wars: Battle for Naboo. I was unaware of this when I was working on the article, and as such ignored anything that came from that source. Now that I know, I've reworked the article to include this new information. For those who have already read the article, some things may now be different for you; I'd personally read over it again (if you've already read it once) as there is some new data enclosed that may or may not prove useful/different than it was from the initial version. Thanks. 06:43, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Also, 1,429 words now, if anyone's keeping track B) 06:43, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A brief note, Jorrel. I reworded the statement about its later uses to say that it was in service in 10 ABY, in order to avoid the statement that it was present, which would be OR. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:07, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Be mindful of the overlinking please. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:46, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I looked through the article, but I really wasn't able to find many (if any) examples of the overlinking... did you see something specific that I'm missing? 16:43, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Rescue of Bastila Shan

 * Nominated by:  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another work of the Pasta Bowl; Literally from scratch, made on Taris with the help of a Telosian.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 13:38, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:44, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) DC 03:17, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Excellent stuff. Thefourdotelipsis 02:05, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:49, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:45, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Looks like a nice article you've put together there, mate, just one small thing. The introduction seems to be a bit on the heavy side (for example, Jedi Civil War's intro is approximately 20% smaller), with the first sentence perhaps being a bit too OOU-ish for my tastes. I'd fix it myself but I don't want to unintentionally screw up the flow. -- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Put 'vital' instead of 'compulsory . . . etc.' in to make it less OOU. Make sense? Revan Averre 20:08, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Restored "compulsory" to the intro. Not as a debate, but just to explain my reasoning on this: Imperative may be a bit too-OOU; fair enough. I believe compulsory is IU due to the compulsive desire of Onasi that was in part due to his loyalty to the Republic, in part forced by the situation they found themselves in, and in part due to the necessity of their own survival. Additionally, compulsory does not carry the complete negative connotation that "compulsive" carries, though the former is a more apt adjective for this situation. That being aside, I believe the intro is shorter now and more to your liking.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) After reading it through, I have no complaints other than the intro...from where I'm standing, there is too much overall detail provided, which has led to an unnecessarily long introduction. Other than that, I have no problems with this article :) Very nice read, indeed, Fi.  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:35, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *Shortened.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) DC
 * 7) * You should probably mention something about Revan's amnesia in the Prelude.
 * 8) * Can you give a little bit of context for Ixgil?
 * 9) * "Once inside, Revan and Onasi encountered the famed bounty hunter Calo Nord." You just introduce Nord and no detail is given. Does anything else happen?
 * 10) *Great article, Fiolli. DC 17:57, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **Objections resolved per IRC discussion with Fiolli. DC 03:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) Four Dot
 * 13) * "After winning the race, Brejik called foul and claimed that the prize would not be given over to the winner." This is confusing, especially since you haven't introduced Brejik yet.
 * 14) **Introduced him, now, in the earlier paragraph to set it up better.
 * 15) * "During the attack, an amnesiac Revan—who, believing himself a simple Republic soldier—was contacted by Carth Onasi." - This sentence doesn't quite flow as well as it should.
 * 16) **I think this is better.
 * 17) ***I think it's more the "who," that's throwing me off here. For some reason, it's just throwing me out of whack here. Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Concurrently, Revan—unknowing of his true past identity—experienced visions through the Force about the attack lead by Shan aboard Revan's former flagship. Onasi remarked that while Revan was sleeping, he had been thrashing about for a couple of days." - This is sorta tangential. For things like battles, missions, and the like, it's best to stick to what's directly relevant.
 * 19) * This also goes for the Ixgil incident, and the Nord one, as well as the descriptions of the various cantina occupants. They need axing to keep the focus of the article, otherwise it becomes a direct summary of the game's Taris section (which it shouldn't be).
 * 20) **Trimmed the Nord/cantina discussion. I think Ixgil is somewhat relevant since it is the first encounter whereas Revan and Onasi fought the Sith on their journey. I hope I clarified it in the text, now.
 * 21) * "During the conversation, Zaalbar began to eat his meal." - This is too great a level of detail for an event article.
 * 22) **Eliminated.
 * 23) * We also don't need the detail on the plight of the Undercity inhabitants, or Rukil's sidequest.
 * 24) **The Rukil part is in there assuming "complete light side" process of the game. While it is a sidequest, it is a part of the light-sided completion of the game. At worst, it should be stated in the BtS. What think you?
 * 25) ***I understand where you're coming from, but the "complete light side" thing in the template is more to cover articles pertaining to the non-compulsory side-quests, rather than the main plot. I mean, you're using the right template, I just think covering the Rukil sidequest is relevant to the article. A mention in the BtS would be adequate, I think. Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * "As further incentive, Ark promised that Revan could compete in the Season Opener and 500 credits." - Is there something missing here? :P
 * 27) **Cleaned up.
 * 28) ***Sorry I didn't fix that one myself. :S Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Saying that Canderous Ordo sent him, Revan should be able to get a pre-ordered droid from Nall." - This phrasing is odd, as is the tense.
 * 30) **Whoops. Heh. Sorry; Fixed.
 * 31) * "Nord managed to survive the devastation, however, and would later team up with Darth Malak to kill Revan" - This would kinda indicate that Revan bit the dust. :P
 * 32) **Well, the first time I played the game, Revan did bite the dust at that point. :P Fixed.
 * 33) * It would also be good to note in the BTS that it is not necessarily Revan who dispatches enemies, but could be any of the other party members. Thefourdotelipsis 11:59, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) **Added. Thank you, 4dot.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:28, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) From the Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 36) * Contextify Endar Spire (intro) and article as well
 * 37) * "crashed onto the surface, crashing in the Upper City with Revan taking injury" Redundant wording.
 * 38) *"haven for numerous individuals from all walks of life" A bit flowery.
 * 39) *Context for Shaleena.
 * 40) * "aleena informed the exploring pair who Gendar, their leader, was along with providing general information about the Undercity." This could be worded better and is redundant with the next sentence.
 * 41) * 1st para of "Stealing stolen items" is full of short sentences.
 * 42) * Reword the above section title to be less flowery.
 * 43) * "The most challenging obstacle, however, was in the elevator." POV.
 * 44) * 2nd paragraph of Raid on the Military Base needs rewording variety with respect to governor.
 * 45) *" At first, the crime team was " Reword crime team. That's not a canon term.
 * 46) * "showing him most prominently the Ebon Hawk and its impregnable security systems. " POV.
 * 47) * Room names and places should not be capitalized unless they are proper. "Throne Room", etc.
 * 48) * BtS: The Rescue does not specifically introduce Onasi. That is done on the escape from the Ebon Hawk.
 * 49) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:45, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) **Thank you, Ataru. I fixed all of them, I believe except the "Throne Room" objection. In the game, it is referred to as a proper noun in the computer terminals, conversations, map, etc.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:20, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) Toprawa:
 * 52) *This review will be segmented as time and the length of this article necessitates.
 * 53) * The second paragraph of the introduction is too PBP for the intro itself, and should be condsensed. Minor details about entering the base through the back entrance should be cut out. Please see me concerning this one
 * 54) **Condensed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * Can we link anything to this duel, or are we considering this apart of this grand article? "after a duel with the Force-sensitive Sith Governor"
 * 56) **No, it is part of this. There is neither a separate article for the raid nor is one really needed as it is part of this mission.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * Curiously, the introduction does little to describe what is going on with Bastila Shan herself. There is only a vague resolution concerning what happened to her. I would like to see this more clearly stated that the mission to rescue her was a successs
 * 58) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * I'm confused here. So Revan is with Onasi aboard the Ebon Hawk? Some kind of description needs to be given for his location, where they're meeting up, etc
 * 60) **Actually, I'm surprised this slipped through. It should be the Endar Spire here, still. Bah. I fixed it. I believe this clears this up.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * Additionally, context for what the significance of the Ebon Hawk is would do nicely
 * 62) **See above.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Please format the quote under the "Gathering information" subsection into Quote format
 * 64) * Please do specify what this past identity is: "Concurrently, Revan&mdash;unknowing of his true past identity" Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:20, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:18, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * Please specify and link what his former flagship is: "aboard Revan's former flagship"
 * 67) **Relinked, but there is no name for the flagship at present.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * For the comprehensive linking you do in each image caption, you leave the Outcast village unlinked in its respective caption, yet you leave it as a red link in the article. Please go ahead and kill this red link and link to it in the caption
 * 69) **Done.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * Confused here. You refer to "that scent" - what scent? "A severed arm still clutching a datapad was also found near the entrance to the rancor's lair, which stated that a particular potent odor would cause the rancor to eat whatever made that scent." Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) **Eliminated. Honestly, it really isn't all that necessary.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * Who is Davik? Context needed: "Revan and his team would be able to use Davik's flagship" Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:49, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) **Bah! Relic of reworking an earlier sentence. Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * Confusion arises here with the explanation that he is responding to something with no description of any kind of dialogue: "he responded to Revan saying that he knew the codes were in his possession."
 * 75) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * So what happened to their traveling to the cantina to meet up with him? Did they ever make it? Nothing ever specifies.
 * 77) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) * I'm very much confused by all of this, and I would like to see you revisit this and rewrite it for greater clarification. I don't understand how it jumps from Ordo wanting him to stay in the estate to sneaking off to reach the Ebon Hawk: "that Kang would have Revan stay there while background checks were being conducted. During this time, the Ordo suggested that Revan advance toward the Ebon Hawk and flee the planet."
 * 79) **No, Ordo doesn't want Revan to "stay", he reasoned that Kang would have him stay. I tweaked this a touch anyway, but I think it is fine.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) * I would like to see some greater explanation of why they have to go through Kang and the Exchange exactly. Why is he specifically conducting background checks?
 * 81) **The game doesn't say. I could guess, but that would not be appropriate for a featured article.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * Who is the bounty hunter? You never introduce anyone as being a bounty hunter prior to this. Please use a name here: "Acknowledging this, the bounty hunter"
 * 83) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) * I'm not sure if you're missing a word here or what, but this isn't reading right: "showing him most prominently the Ebon Hawk what Kang referred to as its impregnable security systems."
 * 85) **Tweaked; another relic.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * Stating to whom? This reads as though he's just talking to himself. Greater description needed: "Once Kang departed, Canderous Ordo stated that Revan should begin looking for a way to disable the Ebon Hawk's security system and capture the ship."
 * 87) **Fixed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * With no prior explanation of this, this is kind of randomly dropped in. This should be explained previously: "as Kang stated they would."
 * 89) **Fixed.
 * 90) * Can we link something to this? "The Sith fleet had..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:45, 9 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) **The next word is linked to the event.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:58, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) Before I get started: Intro needs work, especially in the context department. Bastila, Revan, Carth. Get back to me on this one. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:20, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I will fix the two red links in short order.
 * Personally, I would rather see this article split into "Rescue of Bastila Shan" and "Escape from Taris", since I seem to recall the game does that with its quest system. That, however, has no bearing on this article's quality. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:49, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * At first, I thought so as well. However, Onasi states at the beginning of the mission in gameplay that they needed to find Bastila and get off Taris so that she could be used back in the Republic Navy.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:28, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Gara Petothel

 * Nominated by: --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This one took a whole lot of work, but was very, very rewarding. Gara Petothel is a really fascinating character and I think you will find it enjoyable to read, despite the length. Thanks, all! --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) The Wraiths are great!  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:33, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Really good.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  16:02, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Second image needs to be on the left, and all the rest adjusted accordingly so they alternate from there. --Eyrezer 03:55, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Deja vu. lol. Done. -- Colinmcev 22:40, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Channeling Acky here, a standard mention of gender, homeworld, and species in the intro would be nice.
 * 3) **I threw them in. Let me know if that works. --Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Any and all speculation about Donoslane Excursions has to go, aside from BtS. Until Aaron Allston or some other VIP confirms that, we can't say that for sure.
 * 5) **Removed the references from the top section and the Donos relationship section. Unfortunately, if I'm not mistaken, even if Allston confirms it, we can't really put it in because it's not canon until it's expressed in an official work. Sort of a pain in the ass, but it is what it is, I guess. -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Well, if Allston said that the naming of "Donoslane Excursions" is intentional and what we all know it means, that would confirm that they got together later and made the company at some point. But, moot point for now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Petothel was taught how to develop and live various identities" Reword.
 * 8) **Better? -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * The Imperial Intelligence training is a bit redundant compared with the previous section. A lot of this would be better off in the P&T.
 * 10) **I cut some of it; generally, I tried to keep the parts where the instructors specifically TAUGHT her something, and removed the other little bits. Many of what I cut were already in P&T so, yeah, you're right, redundant. Let me know if you think more trims are needed. --Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * The Zsinj/Trigit introduction is sort of confusing.
 * 12) **Could you tell me which intro is confusing, and what's confusing about it?
 * 13) ***Re-read it; it's fine. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * "created to help relieve pressure from the elite Rogue Squadron." I don't recall that being the point of the Talons.
 * 15) **I think I got that from the Wook's Talon Squadron entry, so we should probably remove that there. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * "that arguably saved Implacable and its crew from capture" The word "arguably" is generally POV.
 * 17) **Dropped it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "She programmed both Imperial and Rebel holos to provide incorrect information about Gara Petothel" clarify this.
 * 19) ** This is all the book says about it. I guess we could drop it if it's really that confusing? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Please watch your possessives when it comes to ship names. The preferred convention is Implacable ' s crew, not Implacable crew. I have fixed several of these but might have missed some.
 * 21) ** I fixed them where I saw them, I think it's cool now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * I feel the Exposing Atton Repness section could be slimmed down a little. It's almost play-by-play.
 * 23) **I shortened it a bit; is it OK or do you think it needs more? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Please, never call the Mon Remonda the Remonda.
 * 25) **lol Alright. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * "they very impressed with what seemed a promising start to a young career," Missing verb.
 * 27) **Oops. Fixed. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * I'm not sure the bit about Sarkin's confession is pertinent. I'll leave that to your judgment though.
 * 29) **Yeah, I'm with you. Cut it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Second paragraph of switching allegiances could be slimmed down. It's more of a P&T type paragraph.
 * 31) **Shortened it significantly. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * In that section, you state that she realized Zsinj is dishonorable several times. While I understand that it's a recurring motif with her, please tone those down.
 * 33) **I looked back and could really only find it in one reference in this section, plus once in the photo caption. If there are others there I'm missing, I'd say you can go ahead and cut them, or point them out to me and I'l go back and do it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * The crisis of identity section, while solid overall, is definitely play-by-play and needs a small diet to keep it from being overweight in terms of detail.
 * 35) **I cut some of the play-by-play stuff. Better? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Contextify the tracker program on Razor's Kiss. I mean, it was Castin Donn's. All she did was modify it, no?
 * 37) **Done. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * I actually think Growing closer to the Wraiths could use more detail on Mission to Saffalore.
 * 39) **I added some more detail, but still tried to keep it a bit light, since her role in this mission wasn't particularly crucial, and since it played a very small part in her overall story. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Infiltrating Iron Fist is also a bit play-by-play.
 * 41) **Switched it around a bit. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * "Knowing Zsinj's famous tendency to be cheap," Reword this.
 * 43) **It got dropped in the above objection, so I think this is moot now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * The Stellar Web was not, in fact, a New Republic vessel. "New Republic-aligned" might work instead, but I will leave that to your discretion.
 * 45) **Hmm...I couldn't find Stellar Web in my article. If I'm missing it, though, you can add the "-aligned" to it. I'm fine with that. --Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * The Legacy section is a little Original Research-y, unless you recall somewhere that nobody else ever knew. I thought the others learned of her messages.
 * 47) **Unless I'm missing something big, I believe most of the Wraiths did NOT know she was alive. However, since the fact that Solo and Antilles constitutes a cover-up, I am confident in saying her part in Iron Fist remained secret, and that most of New Republic wasn't aware of her actions. I left those parts in...HOWEVER, I cut most of the references to the Wraiths. Even if there was no specific mention of the Wraiths learning what she did, I can't definitively say they never learned it later, so I dropped it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***That's fair enough. The main reason I objected was because for sure, Garik Loran, Shalla Nelprin, and Myn Donos heard about her messages. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Rearrange the personality and traits section until it flows more chronologically. Since she has these identity crises, I might even segregate the P&T into 3 subsections for Petothel, Notsil, and Slane, if that would help you organize it.
 * 50) **I think it's all chronological now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * "attractive-looking" is POV.
 * 52) **Well, the word attractive came from the book and other characters perceptions. I added something that the characters found her attractive, so it wouldn't be POV. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * I would cut the relationships section on Phanan and maybe Loran. Neither were romantically involved with her, but if you are using Relationships in a broader sense, Loran can stay, since he was her wingman.
 * 54) **I thought they were appropriate for inclusion since the Mara Jade entry has a Lando Calrissian relationship entry, even though the attraction in that "relationship" was completely one-sided. Nevertheless, I removed Loran and Phanan from there, since my understanding is the relationships section is for romantic relationships. -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***Good job on this, but I would put back the sentence about Phanan flirting with her in bio. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ****Done. -- Colinmcev 00:13, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:21, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thanks much! -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * NOTE: Just so you all know, I am going off to get married and honeymooned and whatnot, so I will be out of commission on the Wook until Oct. 8 at the earliest. If there are any objections that need my attention, I'll take care of them upon my return, so please don't boot the article until after that time. Thanks all! -- Colinmcev 04:20, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I have to give a shout out to Atarumaster's awesome Wraith Squadron article (also nominated for an FA), which I used frequently as a reference while working on this one. Great stuff, man! --Colinmcev 23:01, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. :-D Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A few things worth noting... --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Gara Petothel changes her identity periodically, but the two major, permanent changes are when she goes from Gara to Lara Notsil upon joining Wraith Squadron, then from Lara Notsil to Kirney Slane upon leaving. I decided to approach this in the article by using whatever name corresponds with that period in her life; for example, when she becomes Kirney Slane, I start referring to her as Slane instead of Notsil. I was worried this approach might be confusing, but I think it works since all three names are identified in the first sentence of the article. I'm open to suggestions. --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Also, although Aaron Allston clearly means to indicate Gara and Myn Donos end up together in Betrayal, it was tricky to describe this since I don't think the reference can technically be considered canon. I did the best I could to explain Donoslane Excursions and their future together despite this. --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Link spam: we could find out if we interviewed him. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A question: there are lots of fanfic pictures of Gara/Lara/Kirney at Aaron Allston's official Web site. I know fanfics are not allowed, but since Allston put them on his official site, I'd venture to argue that this means the author has sanctioned them, and this gives them an official sort of status. I haven't used any of the fanfic pics in this article, but would like to and will do so if the majority of Wookieepedians agree with me. But I'll go with whatever decision the consensus reaches... --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Personally, I would be wary of using them. We had a policy against it in the past . . . if, say, Joe Corroney, had some unofficial pictures of Lara, that might be worth a BtS image. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

First Battle of Borleias (Galactic Civil War)

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 17:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A non-character nom from me, for a change. -- Colinmcev 17:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:28, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Some minor edits Enochf 23:42, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) A solid copyedit later, and she's ready to go.  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:56, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:04, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be referenced.
 * 3) **Done. -- Colinmcev 02:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Are the assault transports specifically refered to as ATR-6s? If not, then I would link to the generic assault shuttle article instead. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:37, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **I couldn't find the exact reference to ATR-6s, so I changed it as you suggested. -- Colinmcev 02:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 7) * The first paragraph of New Republic bombardment needs split somehow-right now, it combines the prelude and the beginning of the battle, which are two separate topics.
 * 8) **I split the paragraph and put the earlier half in the prior section. Better?
 * 9) * "be dropping quicker than usual, " This should be reworded. Perhaps "quicker than expected"?
 * 10) **Done. -- Colinmcev 04:04, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * More context on Celchu's arrival and how he learned of Borleias's location. I believe that is in fact pertinent to the article.
 * 12) **I checked back, but all it said is that he was monitoring traffic in the Forbidden rather than participate in the combat. I changed the reference to reflect that. Feel free to reword if you like. -- Colinmcev 04:04, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * " Although the Y-wings lacked the speed for such a dogfight, their massive firepower dealt a powerful blow to the TIE squadrons" POV.
 * 14) ** Reworked. Is it better? -- Colinmcev 04:04, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *I wish there was more BtS, but if you've checked Stackpole's cite and SW.com, I suppose that's about it. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:34, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **If you know of any more, I'd love to include it. -- Colinmcev 04:04, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * NOTE: Just so you all know, I am going off to get married and honeymooned and whatnot, so I will be out of commission on the Wook until Oct. 8 at the earliest. If there are any objections that need my attention, I'll take care of them upon my return, so please don't boot the article until after that time. Thanks all! -- Colinmcev 04:20, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Sebastian Shaw

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 01:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Next up, Kenneth Colley! :D Seriously though, I know it seems random, but this is a fascinating actor who played a crucial part in Return of the Jedi, however brief his running time was. -- Colinmcev 01:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Fascinating article on a great actor. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:32, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Excellent work. Thefourdotelipsis 08:10, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice article. Save Sebastian Shaw! -- Delmar Nori 08:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Fantastic work, and a very interesting read. -- Ozzel 03:38, 2 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) FWIW, he also played a really, really nasty son-of-a-bitch in the first episode of Reilly, Ace of Spies.  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 19:43, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be sourced. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:40, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Ok. -- Colinmcev 15:15, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * "After Gresham's, Shaw planned to become a painter and spent two years at the Slade School of Fine Art before switching his interests acting;" - I think you'll need a "to" in there, but I'm not sure. When talking about the opinions of reviewers, I always think it's best to find at least three sources, but I can understand if you struggle in that regard. "He played The Telegraph described his performance of Gloucester in King Lear as "doleful"[2] and his performance of Duncan in Macbeth as "decent."" - Something's missing there. :P I think that perhaps a little bit too much time is spent summarizing The Christening, and that could probably be cut back a wee bit. Other than that, though, and the main image (which I'm still not chuffed about) fantastic work. Really enjoyable and enlightening read. Thefourdotelipsis 02:55, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed up those sentences and tightened the Christening description. I understand your concerns with the main image, but unfortunately, with the other pictures not quite at high enough quality, I think we're stuck with it. Thanks for the read! -- Colinmcev 05:07, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * NOTE: Just so you all know, I am going off to get married and honeymooned and whatnot, so I will be out of commission on the Wook until Oct. 8 at the earliest. If there are any objections that need my attention, I'll take care of them upon my return, so please don't boot the article until after that time. Thanks all! -- Colinmcev 04:20, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I found some extra sources, so I added a bit more info and some quotes. My apologies to anyone who might have started reading already, but I should be about finished now. -- Colinmcev 04:25, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I've found lots of pictures online (especially at SebastianShaw.com), mostly promotional stills and photos of him from his early career. I'm guessing I can't use any of them because of copyright issues, but if anyone can give any guidance on that, I'd appreciate it. -- Colinmcev 01:56, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * You should be able to find something in the public domain, somewhere. At any rate, I'd suggest that the infobox image be Shaw sans makeup, since that space is generally meant to best illustrate what a person looked like. :P Thefourdotelipsis 02:07, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Some sites I've found pictures are here, here, here and, probably most promisingly, here. Most of them are small (and the Sebastianshaw.com ones have the website written over them), but I'd appreciate some guidance as to whether any of these are usable or not...
 * Ok, I put up a lot of images, most of which I think are OK. Regarding what you'd said about the infobox picture, I would argue we should keep the one that there currently because a) It's a behind-the-scenes image, so it's still him, not the character, and you can clearly get an idea of how he looks in real life despite the makeup; b) This is a Star Wars wiki, and this draws a clear connection to his part in Star Wars while still displaying the actor instead of the character; c) The next best infobox choice, which would be the first publicity still, is pixelated a bit when blown up so won't look as good; d) This way, the images are more spread out, whereas if we took the publicity still up to the infobox, there'd be very few early career images and way too many Star Wars images. -- Colinmcev 19:03, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Makezh

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sponsored by the people who brought you beer milkshakes!

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) This is excellent, Cavalier. DC 00:13, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 13:15, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Caedus...  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:15, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Critique of Jadson:
 * 2) * "race of mysterious Force-wielding aliens from the Kathol Rift" This sentence in the body is the exact same as one in the intro. Please remedy.
 * 3) **Changed the second instance in the main body.
 * 4) *Great job, Cav. This is downright creepy though. Watch out for the Aing-Tii... Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:04, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Yep - those Aing-Tii are indirectly responsible for Darth Caedus too since they taught him to flow-walk. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:48, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The main image sucks a bit, but it's the best I can do with my scanner for some reason. If anyone can grab another version of it, I'd be grateful. It's on page 70 of The Kathol Rift. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Toby Philpott

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 21:40, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Mr. Shaw inspired me to do another random (but interesting) OOU nom. Just to warn you all, one of these days I am going to do Kenneth Colley. :D -- Colinmcev 21:40, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very interesting article. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:02, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) * The brief scene in which Jabba eats the frogs took several takes to get correctly since it was difficult for Philpott to reach Jabba's mouth with the right arm; should this be left arm? You stated previously that Philpott was on the left arm, and Barclay on the right. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:09, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Right you are. Fixed. -- Colinmcev 14:57, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * NOTE: Just so you all know, I am going off to get married and honeymooned and whatnot, so I will be out of commission on the Wook until Oct. 8 at the earliest. If there are any objections that need my attention, I'll take care of them upon my return, so please don't boot the article until after that time. Thanks all! -- Colinmcev 04:20, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Darth Maladi

 * Nominated by: DC 05:46, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The long awaited Main Focus for WookieeProject Legacy Era. Finally...

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:27, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( Oya Manda! ) 23:45, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) How can I not? Nice work.  Madclaw Shyriiwook! 23:43, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:44, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:41, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:12, 23 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose


 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Eliminate the overlinking.
 * 3) **Unless there's a problem with appearance linking, this should be fixed.
 * 4) * There has to be more quotes. Several I can think of.
 * 5) * Are the double & triple-references absolutely necessary in the places where they appear? If it is a matter of simply sourcing specific statements, please do so. If not, choose only one source if all contain the same information.
 * 6) **Finally done.
 * 7) * You say, "The assault on Ossus was a success, seeing the death of every Jedi present, with the exception of...". Either every Jedi died or they didn't.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) * The devestation of Ossus is a specific event that needs to be linked.
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) * It wasn't a Jedi training center that was destroyed on Ossus, either&hellip;
 * 12) **Fixed.
 * 13) * What kind of Vong seeds did Maladi mutate? Stated in the intro but not the body.
 * 14) **Though I'm pretty sure I didn't state that Maladi used Vong seeds in the intro, it's fixed.
 * 15) ***Correct. I was thinking of something else. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 20:17, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Though statistics showed..."Who's statistics?
 * 17) **Imperial. Fixed.
 * 18) * You say, "Maladi, in order to gain Veed's support for the coup, made him believe that the Sith were going to replace Fel with him, though Calixte, Veed's partner, knew she was going to trick Veed into service with Krayt." Unclear anaphor. I suggest breaking this in two, keeping in mind the reader needs to know who "she" is that was going to trick Veed.
 * 19) **Done.
 * 20) * Wyyrlok was more than "his trusted servant". A simple word addition will suffice. I removed the latter instance because when you place it at the first mention of said character it will eliminate the nececessity for the redundant description towards the end.
 * 21) **Fixed.
 * 22) * You say, "Darth Krayt believed that while Roan Fel lived, he would pose a threat to his power." Another unclear anaphor. Was Fel threatening his own power? Reword so that the reader knows who would pose a threat to who's power.
 * 23) **Is that better?
 * 24) * There is an article that references the Skywalker family.
 * 25) **I know, and it's already linked to Skywalker. =P
 * 26) * Exactly why were Skywalker's healing abilities "precious to the Dark Lord"?
 * 27) **Explained.
 * 28) * Did Maladi really step on Hosk? A better choice of words please. "Maladi stepped upon a Bothan Jedi Master..."
 * 29) **Reworded.
 * 30) * This whole run-on is confusing. You say, "Torlin failed in his mission to find Skywalker, when he was killed on Ossus, where he suggested Skywalker may have went, by Calixte, disguised as Corde." Who was killed on Ossus? By who?
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) ***Very good. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:43, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * You say, "She contacted Vikar Dorn...". Who is that? Some context please, in relation to Maladi/the situation.
 * 34) **Fixed.
 * 35) ***Good. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:43, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * You say,"The plan would turn out to be a disguise to lower Fel's personal defenses as Kruhl was klled by Fel..." Disguise what? The mission? Please clarify.
 * 37) **Clarified.
 * 38) * Why was Dorn killed by Maladi?
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) * You say, "The search for Cade Skywalker would prove to be easier than expected, as he decided to rescue Hosk Trey'lis..." Are you so sure? Did he decide to, or was he ordered?
 * 41) **Well, it complicated. Cade rescues Hosk partially because Luke tells him to do so, but Cade doesn't want Hosk to die or be tortured for him either. Cade tells Hosk that he doesn't want Hosk dying for him, so I just put both in there.
 * 42) * If you are going to say, "...he would not accept someone dying for him...", then explain why, which will require you to go into a relatively unrelated tangent, if only for clarification's sake. IMO, this little bit is unnecessary, & the article would benefit from its removal. IMO.
 * 43) **This, I disagree with. This is what drives Cade to do what he does. Yes, Luke tells him to rescue Hosk, but that really is the basis for Cade's rescue mission. I don't think an explanation is necessary, but I gave one anyway.
 * 44) *Link all marks of contact.
 * 45) * Rewrite the first line of the P&T. It reads like all she knew was how to obey Krayt, literally.
 * 46) **Done.
 * 47) ***Much better. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 22:19, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * You say, "Maladi loved to torture individuals..." Is this explicitly stated? If not, it is POV.
 * 49) **The statement is true, but not stated dircetly, so to be safe, I fixed it.
 * 50) * Same with, "...liked to be in control of sentients..."
 * 51) **Same as above.
 * 52) * Maladi loved to scheme people's demises."'' Same deal.
 * 53) **Not the same deal. Krayt stated this in Legacy 13.
 * 54) * No mention of Force lightning use in the bio? And as it is, in the BtS it is an unsourced statement. -- —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 05:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) **Fixed. And what about the BtS? That section is sourced they way it's supposed to be. If you're talking about the P&A, the Force lightning bit is sourced with the alchemy info.
 * 56) * What were Anakin Skywalker's decisions? Please clarify the correlation between his situation & Cade's.
 * 57) **Anakin's decisions explained.
 * 58) * Appropriately link the type of Star Destroyer that is Dauntless.
 * 59) **Done.
 * 60) * Please rephrase, "The plan would turn out to be just a disguise." It's not a halloween costume ;P
 * 61) **LMFAO. Fixed. DC 22:41, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *Was it physically Luke who ordered Cade to rescue Trey'lis?
 * 63) **Fixed.
 * 64) * You say, "However, what Krayt intended did not happen." What did Krayt intend? It may be touched on at the end of the preceding paragraph, but a smidge of context is needed here.
 * 65) **Context given.
 * 66) * You say, "Calixte, who was still disguised as Morrigan Corde, rescued Skywalker from the Sith Temple." How was Calixte/Corde able to do this?
 * 67) **Explained.
 * 68) * How was Rav defeated? The sentence prior merely states that they took his ship. Some context please.
 * 69) **Contextified.
 * 70) * Same section. Who is the "her" that Rav contacted? —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:40, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) **Fixed. DC 22:41, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 73) * "She was responsible for the sabotage of the government-sponsored project to terraform Ossus, and along with High Moff Morlish Veed and his partner, Nyna Calixte, the Director of Imperial Intelligence, started the Sith-Imperial War, which saw the near-destruction of the Galactic Alliance, the leading government at the time, and the New Jedi Order&mdash;the major opponents of the Sith." &mdash; this seems too long and unwieldy.
 * 74) **That better?
 * 75) ***Yep.
 * 76) * From what I recall, one of the reasons for the Sith sabotaging the Ossus Project was to turn the galaxy against the Yuuzhan Vong, and by extension the Jedi for trusting them. This could probably be mentioned in the early bio.
 * 77) **Added. Good?
 * 78) *** Looks good, except that the term "Yuuzhan Vong" is used too frequently. I couldn't think of any way to reword it well, but if you can, it would be great.
 * 79) ****I've trimmed that down a bit. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:11, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) * "While all this was happening, Maladi contacted High Moff Morlish Veed and convinced him and his partner, Moff Nyna Calixte, to ally with the Sith when they decided to reveal themselves." For people not familiar with this, you need to explain the significance of Veed's position; as is, the Empire isn't even mentioned.
 * 81) **Added as well.
 * 82) * The first five lines of "Capture of Cade Skywalker" seem very extraneous to Maladi, and I feel they ought to be condensed into no more than two sentences, possibly even less.
 * 83) **Resolved via IRC discussion. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:12, 23 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) * "Krayt" is used five times in the opening two sentences of the P&T; please try to spice things up a little.
 * 85) **Diversified. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:11, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * "This ability arguably started the Sith-Imperial War, making Maladi impeccable to the New Sith order" -- this looks quite ORish, and I'm not sure "impeccable" is the right word. Also, the "order" should be capitalized.
 * 87) **Reworded and properly capitalized. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:11, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * The BtS could probably be beefed up a little. There's no mention of Ostrander in there at all, and I feel a mention of how she's become more of a major character since he initial appearance. There might also be more comments by Jan or John on TF.N about her, which could be easily researched using the "site:boards.theforce.net" function on Google search.
 * 89) ** I'm only up to "Seeking Fel," but this is excellent, really smooth. Good work. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:56, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) ***Thanks for the review. DC 22:57, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) ****No problem. Sorry about the delay in finishing this up, but I'm done now. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:02, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) From Chack:
 * 93) * "The Sith's goals were to break the galaxy's trust of the Yuuzhan Vong, who were already distrusted because of the lives that had been lost because of the Yuuzhan Vong War, which the Yuuzhan Vong had started, and to break the galaxy's trust..." I suggest changing wording to avoid using break trust twice.
 * 94) **Fixed. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:51, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 95) * In a quote: "Unlocked for" Are you sure it's not unlooked?
 * 96) **Fixed. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:51, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 97) * You refer to him as Cade and Skywalker. Go with the latter please.
 * 98) *Fixed. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:51, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) * "had barked commands" I suggest removing this bit. Many people bark commands.
 * 100) **I have to question this one. It was a reference to Calixte's account of Maladi's treatment of her. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:51, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 101) *Very good article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:45, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) Toprawa:
 * 103) *There's no need to use the full reference code every single time you source something from a particular item. Please use the abbreviated reference code after the first sourcing, throughout the article, including the intro.
 * 104) *Context for who or what the One Sith is, please: "born and raised a part of the One Sith"
 * 105) **Contextified.
 * 106) *A specific year here for the onset of the SI War would be preferable, if we can add one: "prior to the Sith-Imperial War"
 * 107) **Year added.
 * 108) *And what is Vongforming? Explanation of this, please: "to Vongform the planet Ossus"
 * 109) *I don't understand what the opening clause of this sentence has to do with the secondary clause. "Although" implies that "in spite of this, the Empire did this..." when these are seemingly disjointed ideas: "Though the Jedi and Yuuzhan Vong suspected sabotage, the Empire was enraged by the failure of the Ossus Project,"
 * 110) **Rewrote the beginning of the paragraph.
 * 111) *So Maladi succeeded in sabotaging the Ossus Project? You should say this, rather than loosely alluding to it in the second paragraph
 * 112) **Maladi's success added.
 * 113) *This description of the Sith Order in hiding should accompany the first mention of them coming out of hiding, in the first paragraph: "Krayt's Sith Order, which had been in hiding since its creation around 30 ABY,"
 * 114) **Fixed.
 * 115) *I can't understand what this is saying at all. Please rewrite and clarify: "and explained to Maladi that she needed her help to find Fel by having Veed unite the Moffs, which only Calixte could do."
 * 116) **Rewritten.
 * 117) *What truth? Does Maladi suspect something about Calixte? Greater explanation here: "Maladi pondered whether she should learn the truth about Calixte"
 * 118) **Fixed.
 * 119) *I'm assuming we can link something to Krayt's Empire here. Please do so: "lead guerrilla attacks on Krayt's Empire"
 * 120) **Linked.
 * 121) *I seem to remember linking something to these implants in another article at one time. Please link something if we can: "his body was failing due to Yuuzhan Vong implants"
 * 122) **The Yorik-kul was already linked.
 * 123) *Can we specify at all what this information is? "With the information she gleaned from the captured Jedi,"
 * 124) **Info given.
 * 125) *You just said that he was on The Wheel prior to this, and suddenly they think he's on Ossus. So what happened? "Torlin suggested to Calixte, now disguised as Corde, that Skywalker may have gone to Ossus"
 * 126) **Fixed.
 * 127) *To do what? "She did not want to capture Skywalker, who was secretly her own son, and betrayed Maladi covertly to do so"
 * 128) **Fixed.
 * 129) *What does the second paragraph of the "Capture of Cade Skywalker" section have anything directly to do with Maladi? I'd like to see that whole paragraph condensed down into a few brief sentences, if not removed entirely
 * 130) **I had a similar discussion with Acky, who also had a problem with the info, but seeing upon the fact that people continue to have problems with that bit of info, I cut it down somewhat. I won't delete any more than that.
 * 131) *Similarly, this bit does not read well and it drags on. I'd like to see this condensed into the barest minimum of text: "Maladi, realizing that Nihl had previously accessed holocrons that were forbidden in Krayt's Sith Order, explained to him that what he was doing was dangerous in the Order. Nihl, however, told Maladi that it did not matter, because he believed that Krayt wanted to make Skywalker his heir."
 * 132) **Cut down a bit, and rewrote the stuff that I didn't delete.
 * 133) *Can we not link something to his father? "Skywalker had a vision of his father"
 * 134) **I already linked Cade's father earlier in the article, in the Sith-Imperial War section.
 * 135) *Same deal. The last paragraph of that section only once mentions Maladi's name fleetingly in passing at the very end. There's no need for that kind of peripheral play-by-play detail of information that doesn't directly involve Maladi. That paragraph should be cut by almost 90%. Just state the bare minimums, that Skywalker resisted, escaped, and Maladi learned the truth, etc.
 * 136) **Cut down, and factual correction here: Maladi never found out Calixte's involvement.
 * 137) *Context for the Grinning Liar, please: " Skywalker, Syn, and Blue took the Grinning Liar"
 * 138) **Contextified.
 * 139) *Who is his former apprentice? Skywalker? If so, just use his name: "regarding his former apprentice"
 * 140) **Done.
 * 141) *After reading the P/T section, I am reminded of this bit concerning her plans to execute Roan Fel. You make allusions to other plans she made, but you never again discuss them. So what happened with that? "hat plan would turn out to be just one of Maladi's ploys to lower Fel's personal defenses for a future assassination attempt on him."
 * 142) **Well, she hasn't made another assassination attempt on him yet. I'm sure they will cover that in future comics, but there's aboslutely no info regarded a future attempt on Fel's life.
 * 143) *You alternate between using periods in your picture captions and not doing so. I don't care what you do, but pick one for consistency
 * 144) **Periods chosen.
 * 145) *Nothing in the P/T dealing with her Darth Maul-like physical features? I'm sure most female Devaronians don't look like that. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:56, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Let me know when you are in IRC. We can work some things out then. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 22:19, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Nas Choka

 * Nominated by: Harrar 16:55, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Long overdue&hellip;

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Reads like a history of the Yuuzhan Vong War. Great work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:59, 9 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose the living planet persisted; ?
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) *The Journey to War section, first sentence. Choka was a commander of what? For who?
 * 3) **Clarified. See watcha think.
 * 4) *Next sentence. To whom is this galaxy promised? Where was the Vong fleet approaching from? some context/clarification please.
 * 5) **Again, clarified I hope.
 * 6) *You have instances of both "Supreme Overlord" and "supreme overlord". I believe it to be the former, so please make sure every instance of the term is capitalized.
 * 7) **I'm gonna do this later in the week; it's too much for tonight. Based on The Final Prophecy, and The Unifying Force, I'm going with "Supreme Overlord" all the way through.
 * 8) *More to come, stay tuned. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 03:04, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **I look forward to it&mdash;thanks for reviewing it. Harrar 21:21, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * "Stories of the living planet persisted..." Harrar 21:21, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I've done what I can with pictures, but there is only one of Nas Choka himself. Others, like the Battle of Coruscant, will need to be cropped to remove the hand. I was thinking of one of Shimrra Jamaane, but if you look at his article all of his images are rather poor. Help would be greatly appreciated Harrar 16:55, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm now away until the 10th of September, with precious little internet access. I'll deal with any objections on my return. Harrar 10:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * It sucks to pull out of this with only one Inqvote and one set of objections, because it means it probably won't pass without my hand to resolve them. That's by no means an indictment of the process here; it's a massive article, and I know Yuuzhan Vong can be pretty boring. I don't really want to remove the nomination, though, (but that's probably what will happen in my absence). I dunno, maybe someone will get involved in the process and take up the burden of resolving the objs. If not, then I'm sorry to prat around on the FANom page, and guess you guys can remove the nom. I won't be working on the article again, but even if it does go down as a failed candidate, I'm happy that it's better than what it was. Apologies again. Harrar 11:35, 15 September 2008 (UTC)

Rolf Treidum

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:07, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More DarkStryder goodness. I'm sensing a pattern with my noms.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:44, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Two little things:
 * 2) * "Although Sarne wished the FarStar to locate him and call in a New Republic strike force, he wanted it to be on his own timetable, and at a place of his choosing." Why?
 * 3) **Added reasoning.
 * 4) ***Could you put it in the intro?
 * 5) ****Done. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:39, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * You keep referring to the Lialic II as that after it's been renamed. Shouldn't it be Lance of Endor?
 * 7) **Basically because it is an alias, and it is only known as the Lance of Endor to the FarStar and those governments it contacts. To Sarne, it is still the Lialic II - Treidum was responsible for renaming the ship to accomplish the mission assigned to him, doing it off his own initiative. The Millennium Falcon has several aliases, but I would think that it would be solely refered to as the Falcon in Han's article. Also, I felt it would be more confusing to switch to another name for the ship in the article. However, if you feel it should be changed, then I'll oblige. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:40, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Nah, it's fine.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:02, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:12, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Yomin Carr

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:24, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first Yuuzhan Vong FA nom.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) DC 19:44, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Some spelling errors, but corrected Enochf 23:35, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 16:38, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) DC
 * 2) * "The team decided to send three people in an old Spacecaster ship." Who are they, besides from Danni Quee, whom you already mentioned was going.
 * 3) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Explain how Da'Gara captured Quee and killed the other two scientists.
 * 5) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "He informed him that a team was heading for Helska IV, where the "asteroid" had crashed." You had told us that the object intruduing the galaxy was a comet. Which is it?
 * 7) **Good catch. Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Good article. DC 21:20, 20 August 2008 (UTC)


 * From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 1) * Context on who Prefect Da'Gara is upon first introduction is needed.
 * 2) **Got it.
 * 3) * Belkadan would also be harmed from Carr's beetles, which were quickly converting the atmosphere to toxic gases. Is "harmed" correct here? I thought Belkadan was being terraformed for use as a shipyard?
 * 4) **Changed.
 * 5) * You have the team reacting to the warning from the Spacecaster after you mention it was destroyed at Helska IV. Shouldn't the mention of its destruction happen after this?
 * 6) **Fixed.
 * 7) * I haven't read VP for a while, but didn't Carr unmask himself to Cadmir because he believed he was worthy of a good death for his efforts in surviving the forest?
 * 8) **Yes. Added.
 * 9) * How did the ExGal distress call get sent when the comms tower was down? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:47, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Fixed. Thanks for the review.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:33, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Waru

 * Nominated by: 02:22, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A project at least one year and three months in the making.

(3 Inq/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) I read it yesterday and to my addmittedly not incredibly refined pallete...Incredible. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:08, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) DC 17:52, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) See, this is what happens when you take LSD, kids. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:37, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) The great WARU deserves no less than an FA.  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( Oya Manda! ) 23:59, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Bow down and worship. Objections resolved on IRC. Cull Tremayne 04:47, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Makes me want to re-read The Crystal Star ... or not. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:44, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) DC
 * 2) * When you say Hethrir is Anakin's apprentice, you mean Vader, don't you?
 * 3) **Yes. Forgot a pipelink.
 * 4) * "Likewise, Waru's own history was largely a mystery." POVish.
 * 5) **Explicitly stated in an IU source (EC & NEC). I just reworded so as to not steal the words.
 * 6) * Could you mention Xaverri's connection to Han Solo?
 * 7) **Mentioned.
 * 8) * "Waru was largely mysterious being, partially due to the unknowns surrounding his home and his species. As such, his actions and motives were often hard to understand." This seems like POV and OR.
 * 9) **Like above; stated in TCS, EC, NEC, and EGtC.
 * 10) * "The Cult of Waru, and the being himself, welcomed all forms of sentience into their halls, including the oft-ignored droid." Is C-3P0 the "oft ignored" droid you're talking about?
 * 11) **Well, that was meant in general, as in... hmm. It's kind of hard to explain. Essentially, what I'm saying is that droids in general were often ignored, especially in religious circles, but the Cult was different. Does that fix the issue?
 * 12) *** Well, just make it more clear so a reader doesn't think it's C-3PO; make it clear that it's any old droid that could be excepted.
 * 13) ****Objection resolved per IRC discussion. DC 17:51, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Was there any known reception to Pena's poems about Waru?
 * 15) **None. Not from the original thread or the blog. :(
 * 16) *Great article. I might return for more though... DC 17:51, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **You have fun with that ;) 01:55, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) From the ichor-dripping desk of Atarumaster88
 * 19) *"Waru was a being unmatched from any of the known species in the New Republic database as well as several others not" (intro) Reword to be less clunky.
 * 20) **Reworded.
 * 21) *The whole idea of how Waru got to the Galaxy and its dimensions is quite confusing in the intro. Please clear this up.
 * 22) **Took an attempt at making it less confusing. Better?
 * 23) *"golden being" When in the intro is Waru introduced as golden?
 * 24) **Reworked first and last paragraph to not only flow better but provide the context you requested.
 * 25) *"the effects of the crystal star" What effects?
 * 26) **The dying/crystallizing, though I suppose I should mention the repercussions through the Force (which I've mentioned, now)
 * 27) *"is unsure what happened after Waru contracted;" Tense, and this is utterly unacceptable to have things like "fate is unknown", per MoS. I did change the tense, though.
 * 28) **But that's based upon in-universe documents' own conflicts. If you read later in the article, I've fully explained and referenced everything pertaining to this conflict.
 * 29) *"Waru's own history was largely a mystery" POV.
 * 30) **Again, in-universe documents state this. Do you have a suggestion so as to avoid this?
 * 31) *1st paragraph of Cult of Waru needs variety in verbs. Select . . . selected . . . select.
 * 32) **Selected select selections and removed/reworded selectively.
 * 33) *"which Waru more often than not joined" What did he join? The mourning or the acceptance?
 * 34) **Clarified.
 * 35) *I believe a lot of the statements you make about Waru, such as "this too was an act" are from a given POV, unless explicitly stated that Waru did in fact behave or feel that way.
 * 36) **Yeah, I got rid of that. If you can think of any other examples in the article, I'll look and fix if needed.
 * 37) *"Previously, Solo and Xaverri had worked against the Empire through subterfuge" Context, context, context.
 * 38) **Contextified.
 * 39) *"The group went undercover as tourists" What group?
 * 40) **Clarified.
 * 41) *Up to the Solo family kidnapping. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:19, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * For your viewing pleasure:

Shandy Fanaso

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:42, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Great character from Jason Fry's new short story (go read it.) Might be a tad rusty, since I haven't done one of these for a while.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Impressive job getting all this info out of what seems to be a very simple (and kinda boring) story.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:43, 27 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:39, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Brown Computer Desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * I think you should move all the One Two Many stuff to the end of the intro, rather than having a bit in the first sentence. At least I think they could be tied together better. (Sorry I'm not very specific here).
 * 3) **This is more of a style thing for me, I suppose, in that I feel the opening of the intro should always state what the character was "most recently", if you understand what I mean.
 * 4) ***I understand the sentiment.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:43, 27 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * Cargo-tithe or cargo tithe?
 * 6) **Cargo-tithe. Fixed.
 * 7) *Sorry I'm being a bit picky here; these are very minor things that stood out when I read this. Also note that if you disagree with one or more of these, please tell me. Like I said, these are minor things. It's an execllent article overall.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:27, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Thanks for the review. On the first point, if you think it's genuinely too disruptive, I'm more than happy to change it. :) Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Shouldn't devotion-service be linked? Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:45, 4 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *Yes. (Red)linked. :P Thefourdotelipsis 06:59, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I added a pic - it is from the ad for the story on the StarWars site... I think it safe to put it there. --Eyrezer 07:56, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Slave Leia costume

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 08:36, 27 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: :D

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:53, 10 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * The costume is included as on of the top 10 Star Wars "Jaw droppers" in Star Wars Insider 103. You should mention this --Jinzler 08:50, 29 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks Jinzler. I added it to the fourth paragraph in Fan Following. Feel free to add any other details to the reference. -- Colinmcev 07:11, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no mention of the costume's appearance in the Family Guy episode "He's Too Sexy for His Fat" --Jinzler 15:04, 29 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Added it. Any other appearances that I've missed are definitely welcome. -- Colinmcev 07:11, 30 August 2008 (UTC)
 * From the cockpit of Xwing328:
 * Many of the sources of your quotes merely link to the magazines on Wikipedia. They should link to the specific issue or article if at all possible.
 * They do where possible (Wired, IGN, etc.) but the ones that don't are from print editions. -- Colinmcev 04:46, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * You're linking to the Wikipedia article about the magazine. If possible, you should link to the magazine article on the magazine's official website, like some of the references do. You may find Quoteurl useful for this. I fixed one of them to show you what I mean. —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:33, 4 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Oh, I get it now. lol Sorry about that. I think I got them all, except the ones that are in print and have no link. -- Colinmcev 02:23, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * We decided before not to include merchandise unless it added to canon. I'm not sure if we have a policy for OOU articles such as this. If we do keep the section, there's a new slave leia costume here on StarWarsShop.com you may want to include.
 * I understand this for non-OOU articles, but in a case like this one, I think it's appropriate and adds to the article. I'll go with whatever the majority opinion is, but I'd like to see it stay. -- Colinmcev 04:46, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Slaveshadows.jpg needs to be sourced.
 * This image was here before I started working on the article. However, I recognize it from Star Wars Insider issue 68 (which I have a copy of). I think the promotional image licensing (which was there before) applies, so if I just add the source (which I did), will that be sufficient? -- Colinmcev 04:46, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that's good. I just categorized it more specifically, since you knew the source. —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:33, 4 September 2008 (UTC)
 * "She's in robes all the time, and then it's just like, 'That's what's under those robes? Holy smokes.'" You have this quote attributed to Carrie Fisher under "Description" and Jon Abrahams in a "Fan following" paragraph.
 * It's Jon Abrahams. Thanks for pointing that out. -- Colinmcev 04:46, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * "Celebrity stylist joked that the costume..." It feels like your missing a person's name in this sentence.
 * Yeah, added it. -- Colinmcev 04:46, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * One more: sometimes you have "slave Leia" and other times "Slave Leia." —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:38, 4 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I think it should be lower case except in the first bolded reference. Lower-cased the rest. -- Colinmcev 02:23, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * That is all. —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:38, 4 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Jinzler
 * The costume makes a brief appearance in Robot Chicken: Star Wars; in the scene where George Lucas is mobbed by fans, it is worn by a rather fat woman. You should mention this --Jinzler 21:26, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Got it. -- Colinmcev 17:08, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * There is apparantly a reference to it in the American Dad episode "Tears of a Clooney" --Jinzler 22:01, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Added it. -- Colinmcev 17:08, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * It appears in The Return of Tag & Bink: Special Edition --Jinzler 22:12, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't have a copy of this. Can anyone else add this one for me? -- Colinmcev 17:08, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * In a quest in World of Warcraft, you have to rescue the captured Princess Moira Bronzebeard, who wears an outfit that bears a striking resemblance to the Slave Leia Costume, as well as having Leia's hairstyle. There is more on her here --Jinzler 22:31, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Added this one. Will get the others later. -- Colinmcev 03:08, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * The costume appears at the start of Bring Back... Star Wars and also Carrie Fisher says some stuff about it --Jinzler 17:39, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I checked out this episode, but I don't think there's anything worth adding. Since it's an interview with Carrie Fisher about the costume, any original or new comments would belong in the main body of the article (it doesn't belong in appearances, since it's not a situation like a fictional character in another show/movie wearing it). That being said, she doesn't say anything in this interview that hasn't already been said in other interviews and already included in this article. For example,. she mentions the double-sided tape thing, and the fact the quote that Boba Fett could "see all the way down to Florida," and those are all already in there. If you know of anything specific from here that should be added, I'll do it, but I think we've covered it all already. -- Colinmcev 17:08, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Ok, forget the Carrie Fisher stuff, but perhaps you could just briefly mention that it was worn by a woman right at the start of the episode, who was attached by a chain to Justin Lee Collins, who was pretending to mimic Jabba the Hutt --Jinzler 08:03, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Have you considered finding a place for Image:Leiakini_Unleashed.jpg in the article? It would fit nicely in, IMO. Mauser 17:27, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I love this picture, but I think the article already has too many, and I think the ones that are in there go with the subsections well enough that none of them warrant being replaced. I'm open to suggestions, but I think the article should stay as is. -- Colinmcev 17:11, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

Cassus Fett

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 02:13, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A preview of Fetts to come.

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) This article looks very clean and interesting, I had myself reading most of it non-stop. -- Lord EggHead  (No, I am your father!) 17:31, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) DC 02:25, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:34, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 10:55, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 04:58, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:34, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  Greyman ( Talk ) 08:58, 29 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) DC
 * 2) * In both the intro and the body, the massacre of the Cathar needs to be linked.
 * 3) **'Tis now.
 * 4) * Why did Fett consider Pulsipher his rival?
 * 5) **Not stated.
 * 6) ***Alright.
 * 7) * Again: the Mandalorian invasion of Taris needs to linked.
 * 8) **Link added.
 * 9) * In the P&T, a lot of the info in the beginning of the section has nothing to do with Fett's personality. Instead, you could put that info into a Skills and Abilities section, which would fit perfectly in the article.
 * 10) **They are traits, though, and stuff like the influence he had isn't really a skill or ability. I think the only pure skill part is the languages, since even the tactics thing ties into personality. - Lord Hydronium 19:23, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***I have to disagree. Though I do know what you mean by the influence he held, I still think a comprehensible Skills and Abilties section can be made out of the languages he knew and the talents he had commanding the Mandalorian fleets. DC 19:52, 2 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Objection struck per IRC discussion with Lord Hydronium. DC 02:25, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Amazing article. I can't wait for Boba. DC 18:39, 1 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) From the moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 15) * "In a series of skirmishes on the Outer Rim, Fett engaged the forces of the Galactic Republic in a series of battles, including a massacre of the Cathar people" &mdash; there's repetitive wording here, but it seems kind of redundant. In some minor battles, he engaged the Republic in some battles. A rewording would be prudent, possibly with a bit of explanation for the first part.
 * 16) * "attempted to invade the planet Alderaan" &mdash; did he actually attempt it? I don't think it went further than the planning stages.
 * 17) * If you're going to explain who Demagol is, you should probably do the same for Pulsipher, even if we don't know much about his relationship with Fett.
 * 18) * I'd like to see a quote in the P&T section, as well as an addition. We know he's ordered a few BDZish planetary attacks, so he doesn't have too great a regard for non-Mandalorian life, and an explanation/mention of the "To stop the infection, Cassus amputated the limb. Very like him" quote.
 * 19) **Great work. Mandalorians can be cool when used properly. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:24, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***All addressed except part of last. I can't find a suitable quote, and the quote you mention is the source of the penultimate sentence in the first paragraph, just rephrased to more specifically apply to the situation. - Lord Hydronium 20:48, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Okay, fair enough. One possibility would be to move Rohlan's quote from the Jebble section to the P&T and replace it with another, though I don't mind. I do think that sentence in the P&T could be beefed up a bit and explained more, but I won't object on it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:34, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Antidar Williams

 * Nomination by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:21, 2 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of FourDotProject: WTS.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:46, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Spock!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:32, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:16, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:12, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) His survival is mentioned twice, at the end of "Lieutenant..." and beginning of the Naboo section. I altered your opening sentence a little and I think it looks better now, but let me know if you don't like it. Good work, interesting character. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:09, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Tweaked. Thanks for the non-list review. :P Thefourdotelipsis 00:55, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Sorry for the delay in striking, I'd forgotten about this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:12, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa:
 * 5) *Can we not link something here?: "Williams served faithfully in the various battles of Troiken"
 * 6) *Likewise: "Several battles ensued as Stark's men attempted to take Mount Avos"
 * 7) *The BTS should indicate that he first appeared in the novelization, if you're going to write it that way, for factual accuracy. You could say he was created for George Lucas's The Phantom Menace, however, since I know this bothers you.
 * 8) *Please do separate the film and novel when specifying the character's first appearance in the Apps list. They are not both his first appearance, only the novel is. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:12, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **I've addressed all of these. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:16, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Star Wars Trading Card Game

 * Nomination by: - Kingpin13Cantina Battle Ground 10:34, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope that this gets through, and improves when if you spot something I've overlooked.

(0 Inqs/0 users/0 total)
Support

Oppose

Comments

Etahn A'baht

 * Nomination by: - Havac 06:22, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Summer work, now getting nommed. And pretty short. Havac 06:22, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 users/0 total)
Support

Oppose

Comments

Derek Klivian

 * Nomination by: - Havac 16:32, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My other summer nom. Image replacement by Red is ongoing. Havac 16:32, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 users/0 total)
Support

Oppose

Comments

Janek Sunber

 * Nomination by: Havac 07:26, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Well, if it doesn't pass, at least it'll meet GA standards now. Havac 07:26, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 users/0 total)
Support

Oppose

Comments
 * I recall, before Sunber and Tank were revealed to be the same, fans wondering about Tank and Randy Stradley specifically saying something about how they had plans for him. Could be good information for the BTS, if I'm not making it up and someone could find the source (I think it's on the DH boards). Since I don't have the source, I'm Commenting this and not objecting. - Lord Hydronium 09:25, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Google isn't turning up anything, but I'll keep poking around a little. Havac 17:42, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I seem to be incorrect on the source. In this thread Quest mentions Pablo saying it, I suspect in Insider. Also, later Barlow gives a little more info on when they developed the Sunber/Tank thing. - Lord Hydronium 18:14, 15 September 2008 (UTC)

Samuel Raider

 * Nomination by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:15, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More DeMaria goodness.

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Xamar

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:27, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination commentsss: None.

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First Battle of Ruusan

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún and Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Our first joint project for the revitalization of WookieeProject: New Sith Wars

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Oppose
 * 1) It's not sourced. I also suspect it's been mentioned in other sources like the NEC. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:08, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) "The First Battle of Ruusan was written and conceived by author Drew Karpyshyn" - is absolute rubbish. It was first conceived as the background for the Dark Forces game, and first described in the Dark Forces novella. Please expand and amend the BtS. QuentinGeorge 12:28, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Since you are privy to that information and I am not, care to rectify? It would be greatly appreciated. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 13:04, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * First of many, from the Anvil & Xadún. Be wary of what is to come. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 10:56, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Duel on Ambria

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún and Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A psychopathic Sith. Decapitation. Force Lightning. Lightsabers. A duel with it all.

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Oppose
 * 1) I think the intro's a little two long -- three paragraphs seems excessive for a 9 KB article. Also, and I'll get back to you with a proper objection soon, I think parts of this might be Play-by-play. Things like "Cries of mercy faded to silence as Bane retracted his blade, having ended Hetton's life" read like a narrative to me. As I said, I'll get back to you on this when I've more time to make a proper review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:12, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Still several paragraghs in the intro, but it has been shortened. Removed what I believe may be play-by-play, and eliminated the narrative. If not satisfactory, please advise. Thank you. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 04:54, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * No sources. Should be a good read. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:06, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Sirak

 * Nominated by: -- Darth Xadún 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: A double-bladed lightsaber-wielding Zabrak? How original&hellip;from WP:NSW

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Support


 * 1) BtS needs sourcing. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:14, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) * Adjudsted so that the Bts is sourced within the paragraph. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 21:33, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **It's still not sourced. "Karpyshyn has acknowledged this error, and requested that readers consider Vaapad to read Juyo instead" isn't self-sourcing. Neither is the info about Mace creating Vaapad. You need a ref note with the specific blog link, and possibly another one about the creation of Vaapad. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:58, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kopecz

 * Nominated by: -- Darth Xadún 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: The natural counterpart to Kas'im. Again, WP:NSW

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Oppose
 * 1) It's likely missing info from the Official Star Wars Fact File in relation to his early life. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:15, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Duel in the Korriban Academy

 * Nominated by: -- Darth Xadún 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: In conjunction with Sirak and WP:NSW

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Gobee

 * Nominated by: -- Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Oron Kira wasn’t the only badass Beast Rider.

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Comments
 * No sources for this guy. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:13, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Any change to get some ogg files of this guy's dialogue? --Eyrezer 21:04, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * I will attempt, Eyr. It would be a good thing. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 17:59, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Raid on the Iziz Royal Palace

 * Nominated by: -- Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Damsel in distress.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) So that's where you've been lately...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:47, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the physics homework Chack Jadson is not doing right now:
 * 2) * Bit too much PBP in intro
 * 3) **Really? I left out maaad details in the intro. Care to assist? —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:48, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Just "As Ulic Qel-Droma stepped forward to offer the protection of both the Galactic Republic and the Jedi Order to the Queen". I feel that this could be rephrased a tad. I dislike the "stepped forward" bit.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:31, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Addressed.
 * 6) * "For 400 years" Is this an exact date? if so, link.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Your " seem to be off in the quotes (no spaces are necessary).
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * "Sounds of blaster fire could be heard in the background as Novar answered the comlink from the defense towers." A bit too flowery.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "Ulic Qel-Droma arrived at that same moment with proud stories of how the Riders he had engaged in battle met their demise, but was quickly silenced by the sight a distressed Amanoa." I don't think this is necessary.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "laughing ominously at the young, novice Jedi, awaiting their return." Same thing; I'd say this is unneeded.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * "Veitch also used as the first official mission of his new characters Ulic and Cay Qel-Droma, and Tott Doneeta". Is a word missing?
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) *Very nice Tommy. You've come a long way. I'm impressed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:08, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Chack, was this supposed to be for the Raid on the Royal Palace article? If so, I've addressed each as you have stated. Thanks for the review! —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:54, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Heh, yeah. Thanks.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:00, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Battle of Iziz (Beast Wars)

 * Nominated by: -- Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ will never die!

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Duel in the Senate (Great Sith War)

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: If you were to face an ancient Sith lord in combat, you would learn that we are as children playing with toys compared to the prowess of the old Masters.

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Oppose
 * 1) I think the intro is far too long in comparison to the rest of the article. It's contributes almost a third of the article's overall word count. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:07, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed, I believe. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 03:54, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Honestly, I think it's quite a bit too big. I'll strike but I'd like to see others' opinions on the matter. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:50, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Goran Beviin

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 02:55, 17 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Resurrecting WookieeProject Legacy.

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Oppose
 * 1) I think that the introduction paragraph should be expanded, as it is kinda short at the moment --Jinzler 17:43, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Expanded.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 20:04, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Preliminaries from Graestan the Cruel:
 * 4) *Sectioning is overdone in the bio.
 * 5) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 22:44, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Broken ref (number four).
 * 7) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 23:18, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Unsourced statements in the BtS.
 * 9) **Addressed. IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 22:44, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:33, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) From the palace of Chack Jadson:
 * 12) * Longer intro.
 * 13) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 23:18, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * No quotes in the middle of a paragraph.
 * 15) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 22:48, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * It needs to be categorized.
 * 17) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 22:52, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *Haven't read it, so consider these preliminaries.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:44, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * I think you could expand on the fact that he is gay. Maybe just a little, so that when you read "married his husband" it's not so shocking and random. Perhaps you could get a bit in P&T, but make sure it's not OR.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:06, 19 September 2008 (UTC)]
 * 20) **Addressed. I put it in the P&T.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 23:54, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the Undisclosed Location of Darth Culator:
 * 22) * Colloquial language. I fixed a bit of it, but there's more. "Looking to," "unfroze," possibly more. I just skimmed it.
 * 23) * HE'S NOT GAY! Sorry, channeling anonymous fanboy trolls there. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 11:22, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) **Ha ha. Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 20:10, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * Not really an objection as such, since we don't have a policy on such things, but given the number of species assimilated by the Borg Mandalorians and given his unique relationship status, it would probably be good to specify that he's a "human male Mandalorian commando" in the intro.
 * 26) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 23:45, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Calling the Vong "alien" in the intro is a bit biased to the humanocentric POV. "Extragalactic" or similar would be better.
 * 28) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 23:45, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Having Mandalore the planet right next to Mandalore the title creates a bit of confusion without additional context. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:22, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 23:49, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *** I was referring more to the intro. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:18, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ****Okey doke. Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 04:23, 21 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Random stats: 1620 words. Word cloud. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 11:22, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Dangit! Can't view. Stupid laptop. :P  IFYLOFD  ( There is no death. There is the Force. ) 00:00, 20 September 2008 (UTC)

Orley Vanicus

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:20, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(1 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:25, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 1) A little context on why Qel-Droma was leading pirates and turned to the Sith would be appreciated. The article goes from him as Jedi aiding the Republic to a Jedi against the Republic with no explanation. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 10:16, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Added a tiny bit. Let me know if you'd like more. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:52, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Aron Peacebringer

 * Nominated by: Havac 21:26, 17 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: It's Marvelicious! Havac 21:26, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Interesting - never read much of the Marvel stuff. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:28, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 1) When mounted outrider reinforcements arrived, Peacebringer took them on himself, putting the outcasts to flight. Still, Peacebringer was disturbed that his four-man party, the best warriors on Shiva IV, had had such difficulty with the band of outcasts. - The last part about Peacebringer being disturbed about the difficulty of the fight doesn't fit with the previous sentence where he apparently single-handedly forced reinforcements to retreat. Is there something that could be added here to explain why the fight was difficult?
 * 2) *Not really. It's that disjointed in the comic; four guys beat the hell out of a group of outcasts, but Peacebringer comes away thinking it should have been even easier. He's just that badass, I guess. I've mentioned that they were better armed than usual, but he just comes away saying "We had all the advantages, but they gave a good accounting." Havac 22:12, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) On reaching Organa, he found that she was safe, nearly missed before she turned the knife against the Imperial officer. - This sentence doesn't read right, particularly the "nearly missed before she turned the knife" section. Please reword to be clearer.
 * 4) *Done. Havac 22:12, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) You mention the base's forces were committed to an attack, but did not mention that Peacebringer and Organa were taken to a base in the first place. Also, should this base not have its own article?
 * 6) *Found and added. Havac 22:12, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Sk'ar's airship sounds pretty unique - is there an article for it to be linked to? If not, one should be created. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:52, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Added. Havac 22:12, 18 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

BL-17

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 12:55, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Boba Fett's battle droid. What more do you need?

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great work.  Stake black   msg 14:20, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 17:24, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:26, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 10:28, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice Enochf 19:42, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Chack's stuff:
 * 2) * Context on Proto One in the intro.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:14, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) * "prepared to kill the droid". Can you really kill a droid?
 * 4) *Good job.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:14, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **All done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:43, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa:
 * 7) *I'd like to see this reworded, since its an identical reiteration of what you just stated in the previous sentence: "BL-17 soon managed to befriend C-3PO,"
 * 8) *I'm assuming something can be linked here? "Mandalorian Protectors' armor"
 * 9) *Is there a reason why we don't italicize the actual name of the episode in the Apps list, and the BTS for that matter? Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:33, 26 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *Also, you alternate between ending your image captions in full stops and not. Please choose one for consistency. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:37, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Rokko

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:26, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: We don't have many Hutt FAs, do we? Plus, it's almost my second anniversary here, so I'm celebrating that.

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Oppose
 * 1) Unsourced quote. Also what about a lead quote? --Eyrezer 02:05, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Sourced. And there was a lead quote, but I screwed up the formatting so that it didn't show up. It's there now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:46, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Can we subsection the bio to get a table of contents? Also, "male Hutt" ... nuh-uh :P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:08, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Fixed the sex thing. I would subsection it, but because of the way the Bio is set up, I don't think it would look good. Rokko's got an unbalanced life; we know almost nothing about him before he meets Pavan, so dividing it like that probably wouldn't be good, and setting it up with the Chryyk stuff as the end of one and the Bug-Eyes as the start of the other wouldn't look great, IMO. If you disagree, just say so, and I'll try my best to get it sub-sectioned.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:57, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Actually, I just sub-sectioned it. Tell me what you think. I prefer it the other way, but it's your call.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:04, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) No mention of Rokko at all in Streets of Shadow? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 10:10, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) *None that I could find in my two look-throughs.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:00, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Johun Othone

 * Nominated by: DC 01:46, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Bah, I couldn't stand not nominating it after finishing it.

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 * From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 1) Opening paragraph in the intro: Othone fought with Hoth during these wars, especially during the Ruusan campaign, in which Hoth was killed when the Sith detonated a thought bomb on Ruusan, destroying themselves, Hoth, and ninety-nine other Jedi. Bit of a jerky, run-on sentence. Also has three uses of "Hoth". Consider breaking up/ rewording to flow better.
 * 2) *Broken up and reworded.
 * 3) Nitpicky I know, but Othone and his family had worked at a farm - if Othone was taken by the Jedi at age ten, did he work on the farm, or just his family?
 * 4) *I'm pretty sure he worked on the farm.
 * 5) He used a mind trick on a female soldier named Irtanna, who was piloting a Envoy-class shuttle christened the Star-Wake down to Ruusan, to convince her that he was going along with her, just as the Ruusan native Bordon and his sons Tallo and Wend, the ship's crew. This sentence is unclear, especially the ending. I believe I know what you are trying to convey, but it needs rewriting/rewording to be clearer.
 * 6) *Cleared up.
 * 7) More context needed on the deaths of Irtanna, Bordon, Tallo, and Wend.
 * 8) *Context given.
 * 9) In the P&T Othone was also a Jedi who was more loyal to the Chancellor and the Senate than the Jedi Council, evidenced by his defiance of the Council during the construction of the Valley of the Jedi. Is this actually stated, or did Othone use the Senate for his own ends to bring about the memorial? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:59, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *It's implied that he is more more to them rather than the council. He stays with the Chancellor for 10 years and ignores missions given to him by the council, and his defiance just reinforces his position.
 * 11) **Thanks for the review. DC 18:42, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments