Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Lo Khan


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Lo Khan

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:35, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Let the witty Star Trek references begin.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) This is Ceti Alpha Five!  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:34, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 04:41, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Khhaaaaaaaaannnn! -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:41, January 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 23:08, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:03, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Floydinator:
 * 2) * Intro: Give a little more context on what happened in the Gamor Run. Why was he there? What was he doing?
 * 3) **Expanded.
 * 4) *Intro: "Luwingo saved Khan's life in a shootout with a rival smuggler and proceeded to hire the Yaka as his bodyguard," Reword. Sounds like Luwingo hired himself as a bodyguard.
 * 5) **Reworded.
 * 6) * Intro: "Khan agreed to let them store the ship they were borrowing," Who were borrowing? All three of them? Just Zend and Ninx?
 * 7) **Clarified
 * 8) *Intro: Why would the probot fire on the Falcon? Clarify.
 * 9) **It actually fired on the Marauder, I've reworded that sentence to make it clearer.
 * 10) * Intro: "Zend and Ninx came back to visit Khan in the Byss Bistro to recover a ship they lost to the Imperials" What ship? The Falcon?
 * 11) **Clarified.
 * 12) * Intro: "Khan and the smuggler fleet aided the New Republic forces in escaping the doomed mission and proceeded to help in the evacuation of New Alderaan" A little more context on these two events.
 * 13) **Contextified.
 * 14) *"Upon picking up the shipment, Khan was surprised to learn it was a spice consignment from the royal governor of the Thokosia system destined for the Aikhibba system, one of the minor stopping points along the Gamor Run." Why would he be surprised to learn this? Clarify.
 * 15) **The Dark Empire Sourcebook doesn't explain why he was surprised. I'm guessing he was shocked that a person of royalty was dealing spice to a crime lord, but I wasn't sure whether that would be considered speculation. Should I still add the info?
 * 16) ***Nah, its fine.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:34, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Khan was running low on fuel but he figured it was better to raise to ship than wait for Uxbeg to arrive." Raise to ship? What does this mean? Personally, I don't really understand this sentence.
 * 18) **Reworded.
 * 19) *"Khan was shocked to learn that Spadda was the infamous gang lord Spadda the Hutt," Kinda redundant, since you basically say that he's the infamous gang lord Spadda the Hutt in the previous paragraph.
 * 20) **Khan didn't know the Spadda he shipping the spice to was Spadda the Hutt. I've removed the info about Spadda being a Hutt crime lord from the first paragraph and kept it in the second to clarify that Khan didn't know he was shipping spice to an infamous crime lord.
 * 21) * Context on the Millennium Falcon in Aiding the New Republic.
 * 22) **Contextified.
 * 23) * Why would Han and Leia allow themselves to be captured? Clarify.
 * 24) **Clarified.
 * 25) * "Lo Khan allowed his fellow smugglers to conceal the Falcon inside the Hyperspace Marauder, docked at the Imperial Freight Complex on Byss, where he and Luwingo joined their colleagues at the complex's cantina, the Byss Bistro." Clear this up a little bit; was the Hyperspace Marauder already docked at Byss, or did it dock after the Falcon was concealed?
 * 26) **Clarified.
 * 27) *Just a suggestion: The paragraphs in Aiding the New Republic are positively gigantic. I would prefer that you break them up a little to make it easier to navigate, but it's your call.
 * 28) **Good idea. I've split the two paragraphs in half.
 * 29) * Context on chrysalide rancors. What are they?
 * 30) **Contextified.
 * 31) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:22, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Thank you for the review! Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 01:07, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Attack of the Clone
 * 34) * "Khan earned enough money in that run to semi-retire himself, spending the following years inside cantinas all around the galaxy while doing the odd smuggling run in his freighter, the Hyperspace Marauder." Can you clarify "the odd smuggling run"? You imply that you've mentioned it before but you haven't.
 * 35) **I'm not sure what you mean. "The odd smuggling run" isn't any specific smuggling run, it just refers to any smuggling run he did during his semi-retirement.
 * 36) * "Luckily for Khan": not per WP:NPOV.
 * 37) **Changed to "fortunately."
 * 38) ***That still doesn't change the POV-oriented perspective of it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:42, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Alright, it's gone. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 23:07, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * "Khan did not seem to worry very much however, he was confident he could use his connections to free the Marauder." Please check your comma usage here (or lack thereof). I'm not sure what the contrast is supposed to be.
 * 41) **Reworded.
 * 42) *Watch comma usage, please.  CC7567  (talk) 21:53, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) **Got it, thanks. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 22:36, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) I know this is nit-picky and a matter of style, but could the intro be trimmed a little? It seems disproportionately large. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:05, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) *How does that look? It was really the best I could do without cutting out important information or removing context. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 03:41, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

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