Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Darth Vectivus


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Darth Vectivus

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:47, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Not as badass as some other Darths, but just as important.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:15, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:41, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) -- Darth Jadious Sith_Emblem.svg 14:35, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Quotes for Life or Legacy?
 * 3) **Added
 * 4) ***Quotes for the two subsections as well.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:55, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:36, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * The sections detailing the events of Betrayal don't flow well.
 * 7) **It's better now.
 * 8) * Lots of short, choppy sentences that need to be merged together.
 * 9) **How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:56, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "The One Sith Order arrived at the asteroid, intent on destroying Vectivus's asteroid, and the dark side powers it contained, so that it would not fall into the hands of the Jedi and Galactic Alliance forces. " Asteroid is repetitive.
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * Quote for P&T?
 * 13) **Added.
 * 14) * Quote for P&A? I'm sure you could find some quotes in Betrayal.
 * 15) **Added
 * 16) * Expand the BtS. Give some info on Darth Vectivus' appearances in Star Wars canon.
 * 17) **Expanded. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:10, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:23, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Cav:
 * 20) * There is no mention of any type of Sith apprenticeship in the intro. A little mention should be added before the revelation that he took a Sith name.
 * 21) **Added.
 * 22) * After the dark side energies slowly lead to his mining crews going insane, force-sensitives among the crews manifesting odd abilities, and strange sights through the mines. You appear to be missing the end of this sentence - you say "after" these things happened, but give no indication as to what happened after listing the examples.
 * 23) **Fixed.
 * 24) * Ensuring that the mine would be quietly forgotten about, while other operations in the asteroid field continued; after learning all there was to learn from the place, the man took the name Darth Vectivus, departed, and began to quietly gather information of Sith lore through peaceful means. This makes little sense as it is, seeming like two unrelated sentences meshed together. Please rewrite, as well as expanding on how he ensured the mine was forgotten about.
 * 25) *Fixed. How he did it is never revealed.
 * 26) * Check your name usage - surnames should be used instead of first names. I see a few Nelani, Ben, and Jacens in place of Dinn, Skywalker, and Solo.
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) * Darth Vectivus's holocron containing his words on business ethic and a detailed explaination of the the use of his Force Phantom techniques later came into the possession of the One Sith, a growing new order of Sith following the Rule of One, who gave it to Alema Rar, a Twi'lek Dark Jedi, when she visited their base. Run on sentence. Please break up.
 * 29) * The One Sith did not approve of Lumiya's plan to turn Jacen Solo to the dark side so they ordered Alema to deliver the holocron to Solo, newly christened Darth Caedus. What was newly christened as Caedus? Solo or the plan to turn him? Its a little unclear.
 * 30) **How's this?
 * 31) * Mention of the Force phantoms power and Vectivus' mastery of it needs to be mentioned in the Life section before using it in the Legacy section. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:04, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:06, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) His status as Dark Lord of the Sith or member Bane's lineage is not clear, the Dark Lords succession infobox is empty.--Gonzalo84 04:11, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) Attack of the Clone
 * 35) *"As of 40 ABY, his spirit, retaining his powers, lingered in the mine and met a Jedi named Nelani Dinn, as a Force phantom raised by Dark Lady of the Sith Lumiya." Wording is slightly unclear here; I can't tell who the Force phantom reference is supposed to apply to. Also, the "retaining his powers" part is choppy, and this improper wording is a problem consistent throughout the article.
 * 36) *"Although she did not believe him, he explained that all of them": all of who?
 * 37) *"Vectivus came into his power as a latent Force-sensitive": the "came into his power" doesn't appear to be a common idiom. Please try to reword it.
 * 38) *Can his Master get a stub? And if possible, his mansion as well?
 * 39) *"a large group of the mynock-like creatures": "what" creatures? Can this be linked better back to the ones that were mentioned earlier?
 * 40) *"He used an example of a baby bantha dying in front of its helpless mother due to Dinn's strike and being helpless to stop it." Uh...what? The lack of coherency is a problem here. Also, how did he "use" this example? Did he give her a vision, pull one out of thin air, or something different?
 * 41) *"He illuminated the way she needed to follow to rejoin her group after allowing them to make their own decisions and telling her that he did not want her to die unnecessarily but if she meddled in their affairs at her current strength, she would." Same lack of coherency with the addition of a run-on.
 * 42) *"so that it would not fall into the hands of the Jedi and Galactic Alliance forces": GA forces? Where? How is this relevant?
 * 43) *Is there a battle that can be linked?
 * 44) *"He loved his family and was a generally happy person during this time until he died of old age some time later." The reference to his death is only here in the P&T and nowhere else. Could you clarify why it's only relevant here?
 * 45) *I don't even want to touch the P&A right now because it's simply disappointing in terms of grammar. Please read it yourself and correct what you see.
 * 46) *I'm unsure if you've gone through this, Grunny, because some of the writing in there was rather surprising, and I rather doubt that it matches up to your standards. Please take another look at the article to make sure that you yourself deem it acceptable for a FAN.  CC7567  (talk) 04:55, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **I haven't actually touched any of it at all. I'll try to go through it in the next few days and see if I can clean it up. Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:14, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Sorry, but no. He was practically abandoned as a motivator after Lumiya and Alema died and I've personally word searched all of LOTF for indirect mentions of him but could find nothing aside from those appearances. He's also still a pretty new character when you look at the amount of LOTF era material and sourcebooks pertanent to his line of work released since his inception, so I've found nothing else unfortunately.
 * In light of Naru's block, I volunteer to handle future objections for this nom.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 23:31, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)
 * 1) Having just glanced through it for the first time since I agreed to handle objections, I can safely say this needs a complete rewrite and is not of a FAN standard. Since I am not the nominator, I am starting a vote for removal.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:25, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Grunny's judgment.  CC7567  (talk) 06:33, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 23:45, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:09, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Despite previous support. -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:41, November 3, 2009 (UTC)