Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * History
 * Queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 5) Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."

Also remember to add Nominated at the top of the article you are nominating.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.

(4 Inqs/4 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:57, 4 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:13, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:23, 19 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:08, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Cull Tremayne 22:29, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Greyman ( Paratus ) 21:37, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:53, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Sorry for taking so long on this.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:43, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Toprawa
 * 2) * This sounds cheesy: "Just after 4-LOM steeled himself to steal"
 * 3) * Forgot something here: "Zuckuss was able to tap into the of an old coral reef"
 * 4) * Reword this. Kind of weasely sounding: "the natives did not initially appear to"
 * 5) **This still sounds a bit confusing: "the natives did initially register him and allowed him to walk through their village unhindered."
 * 6) ***Hopefully better now -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:35, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Much better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:13, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * Reword so the "and's" don't become obtrusive: "managed to find much information on 12-4C-41 and was returning it to Jabba, and 4-LOM decided to ambush the hunter en route to Jabba's Palace"
 * 9) * You should probably reword this, unless its an IU axiom that his experiences are unknown; i.e., does the IU galaxy really not know his whereabouts, or is there simply nothing published covering this time? "4-LOM's exploits for this time period are unknown, though eventually, Zuckuss left the Guild to continue his career alongside 4-LOM"
 * 10) * You said earlier that the two were "friends." Which is it?: "the two had formed a bond of sorts"
 * 11) * I would rephrase this. His title was more of an honorary title. He held no real position in the Rebellion by 3 ABY: "Han Solo&mdash;now a high-ranking officer in the Rebellion&mdash"
 * 12) * Find the actual number. I think it was 26, or something. And also explain how they were restrained in the number they could take due to the amount of air on their ship. "take the two dozen or so Rebels aboard"
 * 13) * Was it not Rieekan? "A Rebel general"
 * 14) * I'm pretty sure it was the Redemption. You should specify: "During his stay on the Rebel ship,"
 * 15) * Check for me that the ship they are on is actually the "flagship" of the fleet. I'm not so sure: "on the Rebel flagship"
 * 16) * This is unnecessary: "Zuckuss believed his companion, though Skywalker's opinions on the prospects of such a phenomena occurring went undocumented"
 * 17) * Avoiding using this sentence construction in consecutive sentences: "Tagge's plot was foiled, though the two bounty hunters"
 * 18) * Avoid using "then," like this, the ultimate indicator of PBP: "4-LOM and his partner then joined up"
 * 19) * This description just seems out of place: "the former protocol droid made repairs to himself..."
 * 20) * This transition is kind of rocky: "4-LOM and the others were able to escape from their imprisonment and he continued capturing bounties, no matter how unethical his employers were."
 * 21) * Cheesy: "so that 4-LOM could be reactivated. Reactivated, 4-LOM helped"
 * 22) * Reword this empty construction. Not the best way to start off a new section: "It proved to be the last time"
 * 23) * Avoid saying things are unknown unless, again, it is a true IU axiom: "His further exploits are unknown"
 * 24) * Specify what this "thing" is: "the whole thing"
 * 25) *You've ordered the appearances list by way of 4-LOM's own involvement in each source. Make sure you reorder them to by way of chronological order in respect to the stories themselves, not the character.
 * 26) **Which ones are incorrect? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Also, the sources list is apparently not in correct order. GG10 was published before GG3? Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:42, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **I fixed the most obvious cases but will check it thoroughly this evening. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Make sure the source list in comprehensive. After adding two myself and now seeing that you don't have every Databank entry included, I'm getting the feeling some are lacking. Need to include Databank entries for Zuckuss, Duros and any others missing, as well as any info there might be in those entries. Also, make sure 4-LOM isn't mentioned in any Wizards articles. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:01, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) **I've added a few, but will check more thoroughly this evening. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **All addressed, bar the ones I've commented on.-- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) *** What remains to be done: Source list is still lacking at least one Databank entry. Go to SW.com and search "4-LOM" and you'll see what comes up;. Additionally, make sure you order the GG's by way of their second edition release. I know the second edition of GG3 came out in 1996, which I'm sure is after Movie Trilogy Sourcebook. Check on GG10, too. Appearances list is not in chronological order. I'm not sure about the others, particularly Galaxies, but IG-88's TBH story begins in something like 11 BBY, yet you have it listed per 4-LOM's involvement in 3 ABY. Check all. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:03, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ****While 4-LOM for some reason appears in the excerpt of Duros in the DB when you search for him, he's not actually in the entry itself, so I've left that out. I've revised the sources section and it is in the right order, assuming the respective works' articles are correct. I've checked the appearances and made some minor moves, but it is in the correct order. As for the IG-88 thing, I conferred with Graestan in IRC, and he indicated that precedent is to have it where subject first appears. So I've kept that where it was. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:35, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Again, Redemption has ordered Underworld and will reupload poor quality image. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:57, 4 February 2008 (UTC)
 * As I said above with Isard, the comic isn't printed all that great and so artifacts will be present. Nothing can be done about it. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 21:34, 11 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Did the Rebels on Bright Hope actually start firing on 4-LOM? Could just be my bad memory of that particular story, but I don't recall.
 * 3) **Yes, Farr says she heard shots fired on the ship while she's in the cell.
 * 4) * The use of the adjective "extremely" should be limited to the most "extreme" circumstances. It's a mite overused IMHO.
 * 5) **Axed nearly all of them.
 * 6) * Sensor mask is not linked.
 * 7) **Is now.
 * 8) * "4-LOM was possessed of incredible intellect and artificial intelligence and was able to provide odds on the outcome of nearly any situation, present or future; this, coupled with Zuckuss's uncanny findsman abilities, made for a deadly bounty hunting team." POVish in the extreme.
 * 9) **Toned it down some.
 * 10) * The Hyperspace article "Bug Eyed" has no useful info? Somewhat hard to believe, and it should probably be listed in the appearances, unless I'm missing something.
 * 11) **It's just a close-up image of 4-LOM's eye.
 * 12) *Pretty good article, just go easy with some of the flowery descriptive terms. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:28, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **I'll bear that in mind. Thanks for your comments and input -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:16, 25 February 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Havac 09:07, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) The blood coming from my eyes after reading this is a price well paid :P  Greyman ( Paratus ) 21:04, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Blarg! --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:16, 25 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Reference 62 is broken. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:14, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Fixed. Havac 18:16, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *"Horn's escape from Lusankya, not dead, cleared Celchu's name completely." Reword this, or at least do something with that "not dead" part.
 * 5) **Reworded. Havac 17:39, 14 February 2008 (EST)
 * 6) *"As they arrived, however, he was captured by storm commandos; he attempted to warn off the Rebels. Luke Skywalker, commanding the group, decided to go attempt a rescue." Reword this, it reads awkwardly.
 * 7) **Reworded. Havac 17:39, 14 February 2008 (EST)
 * 8) *The bit about Seerdon is speculation. Remove it unless sourced, and none of this "well, logically, he would have to be," reasoning. I want a canonical explanation.
 * 9) **It doesn't say anything not supported by canon. He was in the unit. The unit did something. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. No one's saying he was canonically for sure in it, just that he was in the unit in that time period and the unit did a thing. Battleground: Tatooine doesn't say he's romantically interested in Winter, either; it just shows him saying things which could be interpreted as hitting on her. We use our brains and come to a conclusion. This is less bold a leap than that because all I'm saying is fact 1 + fact 2 = probable but not guaranteed. Havac 17:39, 14 February 2008 (EST)
 * 10) *"The battle went well for the odds against them and the unit escaped, but Fett evaded the Millennium Falcon." Reword.
 * 11) **Reworded. Havac 17:39, 14 February 2008 (EST)
 * 12) *I hope for your sake that starfighter combat is linked here somewhere. Goodwood
 * 13) **It does. Havac 17:39, 14 February 2008 (EST)
 * 14) *"With the cover of the Rogues and the opportunistic intervention of Darth Vader's forces against his longtime rival Xizor, they were able to flee." Who is they?
 * 15) **"...Skywalker went to Coruscant to rescue her with Rendar and Calrissian. During their escape, Rendar..." What you quoted is the next sentence. I've defined they as Rebels to please you, though. Havac 17:39, 14 February 2008 (EST)
 * 16) *You're not even close to the Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day part. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:01, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **I didn't really expect to be. Havac 17:39, 14 February 2008 (EST)
 * 18) Imperialles's image objections:
 * 19) * Image:Celchu-Academy.jpg: This one should be obvious.
 * 20) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Image:Green3Unedited-ROTJHD.jpg: Distorted.
 * 22) **Blame ILM. That's straight from the best version of the film that's publicly available. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 18:41, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Bah! --Imperialles 21:42, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Image:Tycho Endor.JPG: Poorly scanned.
 * 25) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Image:Tycho rescues Wes.JPG: Distorted.
 * 27) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Image:HospitalofDeath.jpg: Covered with distortion.
 * 29) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Celchuunderattack.jpg: Some .jpg artifacts.
 * 1) * Image:Celchu-vs-Phennir.jpg: .jpg articacts.
 * 2) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) * Image:Tycho-Masquerade.jpg: Scanning artifacts.
 * 4) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * Image:Tycho-funeral.jpg: Distorted.
 * 6) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * Image:Tycho-guns.jpg: Severely distorted.
 * 8) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Image:TychoCelchu swenc.jpg: Stretched out.
 * 10) **Rescanned by Red. Havac 01:33, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Tychomugshot.jpg: .jpg artifacts.
 * Image:TychoBilbringi.jpg: Quite distorted.
 * 1) * Image:BattleofLiinadeIII.jpg: Distortion.
 * 2) **If there's still any distortion, it's Random House's fault. If it's good enough for their marketing department, it should be good enough for us. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:07, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Celchu-B-wing.jpg: .jpg artifacts. Some cropping issues as well.
 * Image:Ushersofdeath.jpg: Artifacts.
 * Image:Celchu-Darklighter-Karrde.jpg: Artifacts.
 * 1) * Image:Tycho Celchu helmet.jpg: Poorly scanned.
 * 2) **Rescanned by Red. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:07, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Celchu-cockpit.jpg: Artifacts.
 * Image:Tycho-kiss.jpg: Severe distortion.
 * 1) **I cleaned this one up somewhat myself. Still could use Redification, but it's better than many comic scans that have passed FA before. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:07, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * --Imperialles 16:42, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Damn, I meant to mention in the comments . . . I've already asked Red to rescan these images. Though you're going to have to take up Culator's screenshot with him. Havac 18:16, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) First glance, "Antilles stayed behind to coordinate the attack until the last minute while Celchu made sure a shuttle was ready was for Antilles, who wifwhen contact was lost with Antilles."  -- "wifwhen"??? Who to the what now? I couldn't quite figure out what that sentence was actually supposed to say. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:17, 10 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Redlinks. Darthchristian 16:18, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *And we should be under the limit now. Havac 00:10, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I'm going through this bad boy in parts, so consider this Round 1:
 * 6) *Provide a brief description of who Winter is in the intro. "Rebel agent" should probably suffice
 * 7) **In. Havac 05:48, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Please specify Imp-II class: "Celchu was assigned to the Star Destroyer Accuser"
 * 9) **Specified. Havac 05:48, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *If possible, I would like to see a mention of what call-sign he flew under with the Rogues
 * 11) **Specified. Havac 05:48, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *I don't necessarily disagree with adding this, even though it is speculation, but if you're going to do that, you need to add all Rogue involvement during this time. Service during the Thila campaign specifically comes to mind, which is outlined to a degree in, among other sources I must assume, Galaxy Guide 3: "Celchu was also likely present in the squadron during the time of its campaign against Moff Kohl Seerdon"
 * 13) **I'll take a look tomorrow. Poke me on IRC about it. Havac 05:48, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *The way this is worded makes it seem as if it was a task force, when it was in fact the entire Alliance Fleet. Please reword: "Rogue Squadron was assigned to the Rebel fleet assaulting it" Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:24, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Source that claim, because we definitely have other Rebel fleet actions going on in that period. Havac 05:48, 27 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Would be the longest FA were it to pass. Uh, I mean, it's a really quick read and you should all read it quickly and support. It's no burden at all. Havac 09:07, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Holy crap. This thing is freaking huge. Spelling and redirects check out now, but I haven't checked for link redundancy yet, because the motherkriffer has 730 links. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:17, 10 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Not an objection, Havac, but a little request. Would it be possible to put in links for more of the various battles Tycho fights in? Other than in the Thrawn campaign section, I couldn't find many. In the Confederation-GA War you could have the Battle of Centerpoint Station (Confederation-Galactic Alliance War), the Attack on Toryaz Station etc which atm are not linked, and major stuff like the Battle of Borleias in the Yuuzhan Vong War as well. Earlier on, the Battle of Liinade III isn't either. I hate to think of them being orphaned on Wookieepedia's virtual knowledge map. Also, to remove the Tawaler redlink, you need to put one in for Siron Tawaler. Have a good day. Harrar 14:57, 16 February 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) A non-ESB nom. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:48, 10 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:09, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:09, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Nice work. --Eyrezer 23:45, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:30, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) --  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:05, 29 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * In Assignment to Tatooine, you mention his one-in-a-million career. That sounds repetitive, as you already used a that phrase section earler. I know it was in a quote, but still.
 * 3) **Agreed. Reworded.
 * 4) * You refer to Han as an athletic-looking Human three times. Please change it.
 * 5) **Cleaned up. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:15, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Also, wasn't Greedo the "attractive" Rodian? If so, I suggest making a pipe link from male Rodian to Greedo.
 * 7) *Overall, excellent.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:47, 11 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Felthy.jpg is really awful, and if there's no way to save it, suggest removing it entirely. -- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:35, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Rescanned, thanks to JMAS. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:58, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Uploaded a cleaned-up version.-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:30, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) ***Thanks, Wood. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:48, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Three cheese tortellini from the Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 5) * "When Felth had the nerve to inquire why the escape pod was so important, Terrik snapped that he should perform his duties without questioning orders." I know what you are saying, but "having nerve" is negatively connotative. Any way to smoothen this over using other wording, even another idiomatic phrase can be acceptable.
 * 6) **Reworded.
 * 7) * "Felth's partner casually flipped off a shot at the creature with his own blaster rifle, sending the dead Jawa crashing back against the wreckage." It makes it seem like the Jawa was already dead. Was he? If so, how was he killed so suddenly?
 * 8) **Clarified.
 * 9) * As he and his partner had exited the cantina to rejoin the search, Zeta Squadron came marching determinedly around a corner towards Felth when a maddened Jawa jumped out from behind the cover of a pile of starship wreckage that was the long since downed Dowager Queen." Very long sentence and I don't quite understand the last part in italics.
 * 10) **Broke up sentence and clarified.
 * 11) *Nice work on the article, Toprawa; Please forgive my "nitpickiness." My only other comment would be that some sentences are a little too compounded and could possibly be broken up. Nothing major and don't consider this an objection to the article.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:33, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **I'll see what I can reword with this. Don't consider it nitpicking, Fiolli. This is exactly the kind of feedback we need. Very much appreciated. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:59, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) From the lair of Hobbes15
 * 14) *"Felth was only saved from further punishment other than a strict warning by his still being a first-day rookie."? Don't know what this is supposed to say, but something's definitely off.
 * 15) **Turned the sentence around/removed passive voice
 * 16) *"He and his roommates would not dare be caught out of bed before reveille after witnessing first hand what happened to such violators." What was it?
 * 17) **A little specification, per IRC
 * 18) *"With this move, Veers had cemented his own rise to the top, fearing the young Davin Felth would ruin his career, or, worse, succeed him." This doesn't really make sense either.
 * 19) **Cleaned up. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:12, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * "While his fellow troopers eagerly reveled in the mystery that surrounded the indistinguishable nature of the Stormtrooper Corps..." Was this explicitly stated in the source, or is it extrapolation?
 * 21) * Hobbes ( Tiger's Lair ) 03:35, 26 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The infobox image is, admittedly, poor quality. It will be reuploaded. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:48, 10 February 2008 (UTC)
 * The Complete Visual Dictionary (p. 213) indicates that the part which was found by the stormtroopers on Tatooine was a metallic ring from one of 3PO's knee joints rather than something from an R2 unit. Maybe you could work this in somewhere. --Borsk Fey'lya  Talk 14:13, 10 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, very interesting. Good BTS info. Thanks, Borsk. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:42, 10 February 2008 (UTC)
 * "When Felth heard a sudden scream emanate from a blockhouse not far from his position, he took the opportunity to break away from the sweep to interrogate the source of the disturbance. His search led him into a dimly lit cantina,[...]" I'm missing a mention of Garouf Lafoe here. He informed Felth and 1047 about Obi-Wan's lightsaber performance. (see ANH and Complete Locations) --Borsk Fey'lya  Talk 21:57, 11 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Yup, forgot that little tidbit. Added a Garouf mention. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:18, 14 February 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:03, 13 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Uhh&hellip;kelp forest fever?  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:27, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) "She got jungle fever, she got jungle fever..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:35, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:32, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:22, 23 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Well done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:35, 25 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 2) * Not very keen on referring to Mon Cal and Quarren as amphibians; while technically true of the species' inclinations, the term points the casual reader towards the class of animals on Earth.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Can we call her something besides the POVish "mediocre pilot?"
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) * The BtS is getting to where I feared self-sourcing would lead. "Stackpole used the character in the five successive story arcs" needs to be sourced somehow, because otherwise the reader is expected to just know.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) * "Stackpole later reused in the novel"&mdash;Reused whom?
 * 9) **Fixed.
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 12:10, 15 February 2008 (EST)
 * 11) **Thanks for your input. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:20, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***A fun read. Really a pleasure. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:27, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) Toprawa:
 * 14) * I'm too lazy to look this up myself, but link the appropriate system here. Endor system, or whatever it is. "drifting aimlessly through the system"
 * 15) * Unless I've missed it, you don't mention that she assumed the callsign Rogue Two after joining up with the squadron. Please do so.
 * 16) * This sentence is initially confusing without a previous explanation that while she had died, her death was not confirmed among the Rogues. Please add something to clarify: "When they returned to camp, Nrin threatened to kill Pestage if Ibtisam had died" Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:46, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **All addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 08:33, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Nice job, Acky. Good article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:35, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 20) * Can we get the lead quote for the B-wing Pilot section templated as dialogue (more than two lines)?
 * 21) **Done.
 * 22) * "Ibtisam refused to just stand by and watch, and decided to take action" Please rewrite this clause for brevity and clarity.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * "Although she was eventually retrieved and left unscathed, Ibtisam was traumatized by the event" Please clarify; was she traumatized mentally or physically?
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * Wikipedia link for agoraphobia may be helpful, but it's your call.
 * 27) **Done.
 * 28) * "They were rescued by Vakil, however, who flew his X-wing into the beasts, killing hordes until they retreated into the jungle" Please clarify&mdash;did he fly into them or simply engage in strafing runs?
 * 29) **He flew into them.
 * 30) ***How odd. Oh well, them's the comics for ya. ;-)
 * 31) ****Bah!
 * 32) * Lead quote for Battle of Brentaal IV section should be templated as dialogue (more than two lines)
 * 33) **Done.
 * 34) * "Ibtisam and Janson were to use explosives to internally destroy a planetary network installed by Isoto." Err, what kind of planetary network?
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * The quote for the Later Action section looks a tad dodgy, but can't confirm. Please advise.
 * 37) **That's how it appears in the comic.
 * 38) ***Meh. Stupid copyeditors... ;) Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:22, 23 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:22, 23 February 2008 (UTC) (sorry about not signing it last night!)

Comments
 * Not a significant enough point to oppose on, but I think it should mention the meaning of her name in her native tongue, as defined by the Galactic Campaign Guide. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:24, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Done -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:06, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * If you wanted, you could include the fact that Ibtisam is an Arab name, and the name of an apparently notable woman. -LtNOWIS 08:49, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I conferred with Graestan in IRC, and I unless it can be verified that Ib was named after her, it's probably best to leave it out. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:06, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * There is precendent for including possible influences of names, fyi. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:22, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support Oppose
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:16, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  StarNeptune Talk to me! 11:29, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) With a name like Dani California... Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:29, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:33, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:48, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "infatuated with Rebel hero, Luke Skywalker Dani eventually joined the Alliance". I think you're missing a comma.
 * 3) **Right you are. Fixed. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * In "Beginnings", link Rik Duel.
 * 5) **Done. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * From "The Stenos operation": "Dani used the time to continue her obviously flirtation towards Skywalker" ly?
 * 7) **Slaps forehead. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * In Return of the Rebels: "Bossk, IG-88 and several other bounty hunters, who had set up their own carbon freezing chamber." Yet in the next sentence you say the two bounty hunters. Please clarify.
 * 9) **Not sure why I went with two there. Removed. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * From “Prisoners of the bounty hunters”: “they began to be assaulted by a barrage of spears.” Remove began.
 * 11) **Done. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Argo had been shot down by Imperials, eventually crashlanding on Lahsbane. There's no period at the end of the sentence.
 * 13) **Heh. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * The second paragraph in “Joining the Alliance” reads awkwardly.
 * 15) **Tweaked out the ugliness. Cull Tremayne 04:19, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * You use “however” too many times in the second-to-last paragraph of War.
 * 17) **Second "however" removed. Cull Tremayne 04:19, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "In Possible Reunion": “Kiro, Dani's lover, had not died on Kinooine, although incredibly wounded, he was able to eventually escape and make his way back to his homeworld.” Split it into two sentences.
 * 19) **Done. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:32, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) Toprawa:
 * 22) * Here, you say she was in the Alliance Military, and I've linked as such. But, if she was in a more specific unit, like the Alliance Army, as I'm assuming, please reword/link appropriately: "becoming a soldier in the Alliance Military"
 * 23) **It's not specified, but I don't remember her training in a starfighter or with the fleet, only on the ground. During Saijo, she was on the ground, so that might be evidence enough. Then again, two definite starfigher pilots were on the ground during that battle as well. Might as well just leave it with military. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * You say she was a well-known Zeltron in the New Republic, but she is only listed with a Reb era tag. Please add NR tag.
 * 25) **Good catch. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * I'm a bit confused as to the time period here. You say previously that Dani's interaction with the group happened shortly after Yavin, but here implies that this takes place during 3 ABY, after ESB, when Solo is in carbonite. Please clarify: "working with Boba Fett during Solo's capture, and the Rebels hoped to convince the hunter to tell them where Fett had taken Solo"
 * 27) **Well the OOU explanation is that the previous comic was a flashback tale, taking place before ESB. The next comic then reverts to "real time", several years later, and after ESB. I think I mentioned something about "years later", but if you think it needs more explanation, I can put something else in. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Yeah, addding something as simple as the year, 3 ABY, I'm guessing, would do a lot to clarify. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:33, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Added. Cull Tremayne 06:00, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Avoid this speculative phrasing: "she apparently got sidetracked on the way"
 * 31) **Removed "apparently". The problem with this is that in that comic, Luke sees a Zeltron and thinks it's Dani. Leia corrects him and tells him it's a different Zeltron. Then, several comics later, Dani mentions that she was there, though how she missed Luke is a mystery. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Consider removing or rewording this speculation: "Perhaps taking inspiration from the Zeltron and looking to minimize the risk of their operations"
 * 33) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * Under the "Back with Rick Duel gang," Dani meets up with Skywalker, seemingly post-Endor. Give a time frame for this.
 * 35) **Added. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Please use a less POV-ish description than "beautiful": "came upon a beautiful tomb"
 * 37) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Elaborate on what this is: "signaling the activation of the Shawken Device"
 * 39) **Added. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Give a brief description of how this benefits him, being a water creature: "Placing Kiro in an enclosed water chamber..." Additionally, it will help to quantify this phrase later: "cutting open Kiro's rebreather suit"
 * 41) **Added. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * This seems like it may have substance from the story, but if not, remove speculation: "Possibly because of the emphasis on meditation"
 * 43) **Removed possibly. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Please remove this uncertainty: "Although it's not certain how the Huhk was subdued"
 * 45) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Please remove this speculation, unless clearly substantiated: "and perhaps as a side effect to their training together"
 * 47) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * Radios: "radio contact"
 * 49) **Changed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * Please remove this unknown. If we don't know what she did, there's no reason to add this: "Although Dani was on Endor at the time, it's unknown if she was involved in the Battle of Endor"
 * 51) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Consider making this sentence the beginning of a new paragraph: "Although she had been fully unreachable"
 * 53) **Without the Endor sentence, won't the previous paragraph be two sentences long? Or is that the idea? Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Sort of. As long as the paragraph isn't just one sentence, it's fine with me. The info there seems very disjointed from the beginning of the paragraph. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:33, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Separated. Cull Tremayne 06:00, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * Provide a brief description of who this guy is, since this is his first drop into the story: "Knife"
 * 57) **Done. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * Please remove this unknown: "Whether the heroes eventually found Dani and if the two lovers were ever reunited is unknown"
 * 59) **This is one of those RPG elements. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * Additionally, and per the Kiro article, please rename the section title. Maybe "Learning the truth" would be good?
 * 61) **You got it. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *A well-written article, Cull. I enjoyed reading this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:02, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) **Thanks for the review. I appreciate it. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Marvel influx. Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:18, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  StarNeptune Talk to me! 01:28, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:34, 21 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * POV: "Unfortunately, Kiro went missing"
 * 3) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Briefly elaborate on what The School is: "was a member of The School"
 * 5) **Done. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * In the first mention you capitalize "The." Pick one format and stick with it for consistency: "the School"
 * 7) **Gah, that was dumb. Not sure why I did that. Capitalization is gone. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * I've linked the following to "Star system." If the story names a specific system, however, please link accordingly: "within the system"
 * 9) **Added link to Iskalon system. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * POV: "Unfortunately, the Iskalonian representatives"
 * 11) **Gone. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * I'm going to refrain from making a funny comment here, but please rephrase: "Kiro was ready for some action"
 * 13) **I wrote that? :-P Reworded. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * POV: "Unfortunately, at the same time"
 * 15) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * POV: "arrived to save the day"
 * 17) **Rephrased. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * I don't think this is a word. Avoid slang: "Kiro's do-gooder attitude"
 * 19) **Heh. Dictionary.com is never wrong! Reworded. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Bah! Oh, well. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * POV: "Luckily, Chihdo's blast was"
 * 22) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***This phrase wasn't changed. You could reword it to say "Luckily for Kiro," for ex. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****I could've sworn that I changed it to "However". Wasn't trying to pull the wool over your eyes. :P Changed now I hope. Cull Tremayne 06:10, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I trust ya. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:18, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * This description of him as a Rodian is kind of sudden. Make sure you as a description of him as such in his initial mention in the article: "he slammed the Rodian"
 * 27) **Done. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Elaborate on what this is: "activating the Shawken Device"
 * 29) **Added. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Avoid the rush: "The group rushed Kiro back to their ship and placed him in a water-filled capsule to rush"
 * 31) **Nice. Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Unless the story specifically mentions a "radio," avoid this terminology: "their radio silence"
 * 33) **Changed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * POV: "Unfortunately, Lumiya was able to defeat Skywalker"
 * 35) **Gone. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * You link lightsaber to shoto here. Just confirming he did indeed fight with a shoto, and, if so, you should specify it was not a typical lightsaber: "Kiro helped Skywalker build another lightsaber"
 * 37) **I should probably place a ref to the JVS sourcebook here. Clarified. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * This could be worded better: "Skywalker ran from the base and back to their ship, but halfway back to the ship"
 * 39) **Reworded. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Everyone? Probably an unnecessary generalization: "Everyone in the Alliance assumed that Kiro had died in the attack"
 * 41) **Yes everyone! Changed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * POV: "Unfortunately, during the war"
 * 43) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Avoid this: "If the Rebels ever located Dani or if she ever reunited with her lost love is unknown."
 * 45) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * In accordance with the previous objection, please rephrase this section title: "Possible reunion"
 * 47) **Dangit, I liked that section header. :P Changed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * After looking back over this quote, there seems to be some discrepancy whether it is "The School," or "the School." Make sure you find out which is the proper format and stick with it throughout: "We of the School"
 * 49) **Changed. Got confused with trying to link to the article, shouldn't be capitalized. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * This sentence in the intro makes it seem as if he became disillusioned as a result of his going missing, but the article seems to suggest that it was because of his love for Dani and/or his responsibility to his people. Please clarify in the intro: "Kiro went missing in action during a conflict shortly thereafter and became disillusioned with the thought of becoming a Jedi."
 * 51) **Hmmm...good point. Removed. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Unless I've missed it, you don't really set aside an explanation of how Kiro needed to wear a rebreather when not in the water, just that he is a water creature and he apparently was in trouble when his device was constantly being broken. Please elaborate early on in the article, as well as the P&T. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:05, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **Good point. I really overlooked that. Added. Cull Tremayne 03:43, 17 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * More Marvel. Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:35, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:35, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:21, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) How did I miss seeing this nomination? Jeez :S Very good read, Cull.  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:50, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * If she met Anakin Skywalker during the Clone Wars, the article needs a Imp era tag, as does the infobox.
 * 3) **Done. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Link "Separatist" in the intro for me.
 * 5) **Linked. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * This suggests that the beings of Skye do not walk, as opposed to Humans. Please clarify what this means: "Although nearly all S'kytri were prejudiced against "walkers,""
 * 7) **Clarified that it's the derogatory term for those without wings. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * Please confirm that Anakin was indeed a Knight at this point in the Clone Wars: "During an interaction with the Jedi Knight"
 * 9) **Good catch. Changed to Jedi Commander. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Avoid finishing both clauses with the same word: "Although Skywalker tried to convince Kenobi to take Kharys for training, Kenobi and Ventor both agreed that 13 years old was much too old to take for training."
 * 11) **Changed. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Should specify that she was trained in the dark side of the Force: "Vader trained Kharys in the ways of the Force"
 * 13) **I'm not so sure that's warranted. I do mention that she succumbs to the dark side at the end of the paragraph, so it just seems a bit redundant to add it there as well. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Yeah, you're fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:30, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * I believe you're trying to say "aerial fortress" here, but just making sure it's not some kind of special IU word. If it is not, please remove the hyphen, unless the text specifically spells it as 'aerial-fortress'.: "aerie-fortress"
 * 16) **"Aliens in the Empire" specifically says "aerie-fortress". "ruling in the name of Vader and the Galactic Empire from her aerie-fortress perched high atop Canaitith Mountain." It's probably referring to this line from the comic, "One Boy?! My Aerie gutted and ruined by one--wingless--boy?!?" There's a couple other references in the comic that say "aerie", as well. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Explain what the "windborn" is : "the windborn could do nothing to stop her."
 * 18) **Mmm...not so sure about this one. From the context it's showing that "windborn" is another name for S'kytri. Added an explanation, but I think it reads awkwardly. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ***Agreed that it is now kind of awkward sounding. Not an objection, but consider just removing the Windborn descriptor in this case. And, if you do that, you'll probably need to either add a description somewhere earlier that her race was known as the Windborn, or remove the second use of the term further down in the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:30, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ****I went with explaining the term in the first section. Cull Tremayne 02:39, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * I'm clearly too lazy to do this research myself, but I'm certain the Millennium Falcon has more than one lifepod. If so, rephrase accordingly: "in the Falcon's lifepod."
 * 22) **Changed to "one of the Falcon's lifepods." Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * Before this sentence, "Bringing Solo and Chewbacca back to her fortress keep," you never actually say that Solo, and Chewbacca for that matter, was captured, just that they were trapped and shot down, and that Skywalker and Organa escaped. Please clarify.
 * 24) **Clarified. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) ***Nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:30, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Seemingly Skywalker should not have this ability at such an early stage, but please clarify what's going on here: "and the two began to duel in midair."
 * 27) **Did I not mention the grav-belt thingy? He's not using the Force to fly. Clarified in an earlier sentence that he was flying over the stormtroopers. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Ah, I didn't take into account the anti-grav deal. The clarification helps. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:30, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Along with that, this seems strange. If they're fighting in midair, he could only be frozen in midair, right? Maybe a rewording and/or elaboration somewhere along these two lines: "freezing him in midair"
 * 30) **Changed the second "midair" to "place". Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Now that you clarified for me what was going on, you can change it back to midair if you like that better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:30, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * You capitalize Windborn here, but do not do so previously. Pick one, which the correct format is, and stick with it for consistency: "The Windborn" Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:16, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **Typo. Changed to capitalization. Cull Tremayne 08:28, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) The first mention of the prophecy makes it sound like it's something new, but you say it's ancient later. Clarify the age the first time. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:19, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *Removed "ancient". Not sure why I wrote that. Cull Tremayne 09:35, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Ditto. Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Marvel-ous. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:22, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:04, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:59, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) At last, a non-Final-Fantasy reference to Odan and not Thor!  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:44, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  02:16, 26 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Toprawa:
 * 1) * Give a time frame for when this occurred. 0 ABY, or whatever it is: "Based on the ice world of Akuria II"
 * 2) **Added. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) * Destroy the intro red link so the front page looks pretty
 * 4) **Red link destroyed. Cull Tremayne 21:59, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * The intro could benefit from a brief elaboration of how an Imperial specifically impersonated Odan himself: "as the Imperials and their leader..."
 * 6) **What do you have in mind? He basically just said that he was Odan. Skywalker and Organa weren't familiar with the real guy, so they just took him at his word. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Ah, nevermind> I was under the impression that he altered his appearance to mirror the real Odan.
 * 8) * Something here could be reworded better: "to rescue the Rebel leaders from the Imperial leader"
 * 9) **Well done me. Changed. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***I went in and took out "heroes," and just let it as "the Rebels." I feel "heroes" in this case is a bit over the top POV wise. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:03, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * POV: "Unfortunately, the leader of the rescue party"
 * 12) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * The way this sentence is structured makes it seem as though Skywalker and Organa cannot speak Basic: "Unable to speak Basic, Skywalker and Organa misinterpreted Fafnir"
 * 14) **Changed. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Unfortunately is POV, and I might go so far to say miraculous is a bit POVish: "Unfortunately, after their miraculous escape"
 * 16) **Can I use thrilling? ;) Removed. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * POV: "Unfortunately, the Imperial leader"
 * 18) **Gone. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * I would recommend rewording this, since I'm guessing they weren't truly using radios. Are radios even canon, btw? "the Imperial leader had already radioed"
 * 20) **They aren't? Huh. Removed. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***I'm not sure if they are or not. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:03, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * Remove this speculation unless substantiated in the story: "...an injury probably sustained during a fight against the Empire."
 * 23) **Gone. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Same here. Very speculative: "The reason that Odan had not accepted a prosthetic replacement is uncertain, but the low rate of technology on Akuria II may have been a factor."
 * 25) **Ditto. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *** Consider removing this part as well, unless we know for sure he truly had a bum eye. He may just be wearing the patch for weird dramatic effect, for all we know: "The reason that Odan had not accepted a prosthetic replacement is uncertain." Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:03, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Done. Cull Tremayne 02:50, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * This clause seems unnecessary, since GG3 was published after and does take into account TESB: "even though the story was published before the release of Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back"
 * 29) **I'm not sure why the clause isn't necessary. Isn't it interesting to note that "The Kingdom of Ice" was published before the reveal of Hoth? Or am I just not clarifying correctly? I reworded it to specify that the comic, not the sourcebook, was the story published prior to the film. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *** I know what you're saying, but the way it is worded seems to suggest that the story was specially retconned following the ESB, as if its some unique case. The real problem I have is the "even though" phrase. I would recommend replacing that with just "following the release of ESB" or whatever.
 * 31) ****I see what you're saying. Moved the mention of the publishing date so it's less confusing. Cull Tremayne 02:50, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * In GG3's Maren Kelsome entry, it describes Kelsome as experiencing a strong difference between the tightly-run service of Echo Base and the more laid back, rag-tag way Odan ran his troops. I would like to see a mention of this in P&T. If you need anything from GG3, let me know. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:58, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **Added. Cull Tremayne 07:42, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Very nice addition. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:03, 16 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) Was his group separate from the Alliance before this? Could do with clarifying a little and, if so, he should probably be in Category:Resistance fighters. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:50, 19 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) *Added. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 38) * Last two sentences of the intro read a bit rough. Please revisit.
 * 39) **Rephrased. Cull Tremayne 09:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * "Imperials and their leader" implies that the Emperor was there.
 * 41) **Switched to commander. Cull Tremayne 09:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * I wouldn't say "used them" in reference to Odan's relationship with the locals.
 * 43) **Switched to "recruited". Cull Tremayne 09:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Beginning a section with "however" rubs me the wrong way. It might be the continuation of a story, but it's broken from the previous section by a header and a quote.
 * 45) **Switched to an "Unfortunately for the...". Cull Tremayne 09:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * "predating the ice world of Hoth" should be sourced.
 * 47) **Uh, sourced with the comic I guess, since it was published before the film. Cull Tremayne 09:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Fair enough. I was mistakenly under the impression the comics were later. Graestan ( Talk ) 00:44, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Please either source or remove the last two sentences of the BtS.
 * 50) **Yeah...I kinda find it ridiculous that we need to source this bit. Removed anyway. Cull Tremayne 09:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***What is this? --Imperialles 23:04, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ****We relaxed the OR rules for BtS a while back, and this one really slaps me in the face, so I will allow it. Graestan ( Talk ) 00:44, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Graestan ( Talk ) 01:02, 22 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Marvel again. Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * You may want to add something about Odin and Fafnir in the BTS. However, it could be too much speculation, and irrelevance, so feel free not to use it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:14, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Warrants a mention I would say. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Or not. Cull Tremayne 09:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Interesting fellows. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Certainly.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 02:15, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Aing Tiis article nice? Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:50, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:13, 25 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "Around the same time, a Bith trader named Maddie Macatten put great effort into tracking down the Aing-Tii and discovering their homeworld. The monks had previously freed her from slavers and she wished to find them and thank her rescuers face to face. Macatten actually unearthed a large amount of information on the monks, though most of it was lost amongst her senile rambling. The Aing-Tii made a enemy during this period, also." This is confusing. Why was she senile? Old age? Did they do anything to her, etc.?
 * 3) **Clarified. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:12, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Also, you say that they sent Car'das to Exocron twice in "History".  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:06, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Whoops. Fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:12, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa:
 * 7) * Since SW primarily uses the metric system, please reword appropriately: "that extended around a foot from their mouths."
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * Please elaborate on what it is: "They saw it as sacred"
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * The use of parenthetical text here is unnecessary. Please work it into the article: "(who they initially little no knowledge of)"
 * 12) **Addressed.
 * 13) * This makes it seem as if only the Jedi believed in both sides of the Force. Please rephrase: "Unlike the Jedi, the warrior monks did not believe in the light or dark sides of the Force"
 * 14) **Addresed.
 * 15) * This seems unnecessary to say for reasons unknown. Just say they disliked it: "For reasons unknown, the Aing-Tii held a deep hatred for slavery,"
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * This is an inappropriate description. To describe something as a "tattoo" is to refer to a design found exclusively on one's skin.: "with numerous tattoos painted on the hull of each ship"
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) * This reads strange: "would alter the pursuer's perception of time, allowing the Aing-Tii plenty of time"
 * 20) *Elaborate on what this is. What is a symbolic connection? "have a sort of symbolic connection with the ships they served on"
 * 21) **Whoops, that was a mistype. It's been addressed, this time. Promise I wasn't being sly. :P
 * 22) ***I trust you. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:50, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * This sentence loses its meaning without some kind of explanation previously in the article of what the Kathol Rift is: " that allowed them to travel through the Kathol Rift unhindered."
 * 24) **Addressed.
 * 25) * See if you can't discern whether this an Imp-I or Imp-II SD: "who engaged an Imperial Star Destroyer"
 * 26) **The Kathol Outback just describes it as a Star Destroyer. It was only shoved into the adventure at the last minute so there's no real info on it.
 * 27) * Very speculative information. Please trim it down to the bare essentials: "The ultimate outcome of this encounter was unknown, though over thirty years later, the Aing-Tii were still seeking an answer from "Those Who Dwell Beyond the Veil," so they may have lost the Codex to the FarStar 's crew."
 * 28) **Fixed.
 * 29) * Along with the previous objection, this clause seems unnecessary. You shouldn't have to include this kind of speculation in your writing. Simply by saying that the details of the ship's destruction remained hazy should prompt the reader to form his own speculative opinion on what happened: "They could also have destroyed the FarStar in retaliation at some point,"
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Please reword. "Unearthed" just comes off as awkward. ;): "Macatten actually unearthed a large amount of information on the monks"
 * 32) **Addressed.
 * 33) * Two things here. Please explain what a Rei'Kas is; and, if you're referring to them in their plural form, the use of apostrophe is in incorrect: "attacked a fleet of Rodian slaver Rei'Kas's"
 * 34) **Rei'Kas is singular, though that sentence was quite confusing. I've clarified it some.
 * 35) * I've slightly reworded this, but please specify what level of Jedi he was at this time: "After the end of the Yuuzhan Vong War in 29 ABY, the Jedi Jacen Solo"
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) *Nice job. More non-character noms, please. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:33, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) **I'll see what I can do ;). I will sort these when I have more time, probably the week-end. Thanks, -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ***All addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:46, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) **** Still have one left, unless I missed a change. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:00, 23 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) Breathesgelatin:
 * 42) *"The Aing-Tii also believed that, while all was not predetermined, it was somehow guided by the Force." What is "it"? Cosmology? The fate of the universe?
 * 43) **Zahn does not specify.
 * 44) *"acheive a transcension of time itself" = transcend time itself. Not as passive and also makes more sense. Also achieve is spelled wrong.
 * 45) **Addressed.
 * 46) *"By allowing their sense of detachment to fade, and allowing their emotional self to return, however, the practioner could impose themselves upon the passage of time and begin to influence and change events" Noun-verb disagreement. Either use "one's sense of detachment" or switch to "practitionerS". Also fix spelling of practitioner.
 * 47) **Addressed.
 * 48) *"The Aing-Tii developed a method of moving from one destination to another, which was barely comprehensible to anyone but the monks, combining the Force with their unique technology to instantaneously move their ship from one place to the next." This sentence is extremely confusing. I think it should be split into two sentences. I'm unclear how the Force would be "combined" with technology. Maybe a different verb there would clear up the issue. Especially since you use "combine" in the next sentence as well.
 * 49) **I've used different wording and split up the sentences, but clarification is difficult as the sources are quite vague about it all.
 * 50) *"They saw the Codex as sacred, and their culture dictated that an Aing-Tii could not physically touch the pyramidal construct, which could enhance one's ability to use the Force." Minor clarification here. Is the Codex defined as a "pyramidal construct" or is the "pyramidal construct" just a part or aspect of the Codex? This is needed to understand what's going on here.
 * 51) **Added description when Codex is first mentioned.
 * 52) *"The Aing-Tii had a limited knowledge of the Human psyche, so Makezh suffered from a state of mild insanity." Again, the meaning of the sentence is unclear. Do you mean that they just didn't realize he was crazy? Or their lack of knowledge about the Human psyche led to him becoming crazy?
 * 53) **Clarified some.
 * 54) *"into their ships to study" I think the proper preposition is "onto". yes/no? I could be wrong on that one...
 * 55) **I think you're correct.
 * 56) *"Macatten actually discovered a large amount of accurate information on the monks, though most of it was lost amongst her senile rambling" Amongst is generally poor usage, and I think that in this instance it's not even used correctly. Find another word.  - breathesgelatin Talk 02:40, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) **All addressed, where possible. The source material is very vague about the Aing-Tii, so clarification is difficult in many cases. Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:17, 24 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I've not done a non-character article in a while, so I may be a bit rusty. Additionally, I'm supposed to be on a WookieeVacation, so I might not be very quick in addressing any problems. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:04, 17 February 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support Oppose -- Jaina Solo ( Talk ) 18:58, 23 February 2008 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) Havac 00:05, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:17, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Paratus ) 00:39, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 21:29, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From Jaina Solo:
 * 2) * "He worked with Corran Horn, whom he disliked, early in the invasion, and on their mission to Garqi received a nasty facial wound." POVish
 * 3) **What is, nasty? It just means it was a bad wound. Though looking at it again, I don't like it anyway, and I've substituted prominent for it. Havac 03:11, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * "He was also skilled in the use of mind tricks, and has some proficiency in using the Force to make himself less noticeable." Shouldn't it be had instead of has?
 * 5) **Typo, now fixed. Havac 03:11, 24 February 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  StarNeptune Talk to me! 04:07, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thanks, Star!-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Infobox not fully sourced.
 * 3) * Can we get the introduction condensed into a smaller number of larger paragraphs, please?
 * 4) * Tense and OOU issues in the Early Life section.
 * 5) * Choppy prose and small paragraphs in the Sith-Imperial War section.
 * 6) * "After Calixte and Veed celebrated what they thought was Veed's promotion to Emperor, Calixte snuck over to Roal Fel's quarters and informed him to flee." Roal? Also, the second clause should be rewritten.
 * 7) * Small paragraphs that can be blended together in the P%T and Equipment sections as well.
 * 8) * Quotes in prose in the P&T section?
 * 9) *Unfortunately, without knowing that much about the Legacy comics, that's all I can offer.-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:52, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) Toprawa:
 * 11) * Per other user objections infobox needs to be fully sourced. Including, please, the gender and species.
 * 12) *Also per previous user objections, no reason, in this case, to have two one-sentence paragraphs. Tack each onto the front and end of the middle paragraphs, respectively
 * 13) * Please reword this: "and she and Veed then plotted to place Veed on the Imperial throne"
 * 14) **Done. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:22, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *Two things with this. First, it needs to be rewritten into past tense; secondly, consider removing this entirely. Is it truly an IU axiom that little is known about her, or do we just know about her OOU because no other sources deal with her past? "Little has been recorded about the early life of Nyna Calixte."
 * 16) **That is no longer there.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Are there alternative reasons why they feel she reached this position? If so, please include: "although some of her colleagues on the Moff Council claimed that she had not earned the honor through merit alone."
 * 18) **That's all that been revealed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Please rewrite or remove to avoid improper OOU/present tense tone.: "As far as it can be verified,"
 * 20) * Please avoid weasel words like "apparently." Did she despise her, or did she not? Make sure this isn't too speculative: "Gunn apparently despised her mother"
 * 21) **I was on crack when I wrote that. Gunn is explicity shown to hate her mother. Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *Having never read these sources, I don't know what's going on here. Please elaborate on why the Empire was approached, keeping in mind articles should be written towards the casual reader: "When the new Sith Order first approached the Empire, they did so through her."
 * 23) **I fixed these (and the following few objections) while trying to focus on Nyna and not the war.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *A few things here. The article could benefit from an explanation of what's going on here; i.e, what were her motives in allying with the Sith? Why were the other Moffs needing manipulation? Who is Roan Fel? "She manipulated the other Moffs into allying with the Sith behind Roan Fel's back,"
 * 25) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *You give a brief explanation of Fel here, in his second mention. This should be applied to his initial mention. And, you keep referring to him by his full name, which is unnecessary. Just "Fel" will suffice: "In 130 ABY, the Emperor Roan Fel"
 * 27) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *This ties in with the previous two objections. You just kind of write this assuming the reader knows the details of the S-I war. Don't assume anything. What kind of conspiracy is this? "the extent of the Sith conspiracy"
 * 29) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *Ditto with the previous objections. Without an explanation of the war, this is very confusing. When did the GA get involved? "...that the Galactic Alliance"
 * 31) *Elaborate on what happened at Ossus, to provide a better explanation of why she is apologizing: "Calixte expressed her disapproval to Darth Maladi about the Massacre at Ossus"
 * 32) **See above.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *At this point, honestly, I'm lost. When and how did Veed apparently becoming Emperor in their eyes? "After Calixte and Veed celebrated what they thought was Veed's promotion to Emperor"
 * 34) **Fixed. 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *Again, confusing. I thought she was expecting Veed to become Emperor? "she informed him that she knew that Darth Krayt was going to install himself as Emperor"
 * 36) **Clarified (hopefully).  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *Please give a brief description of who Antares Draco is: "secretly making his escape with Antares Draco"
 * 38) **Imperial Knight. Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) *By the final paragraph in the S-I War section, I have no idea what you're even trying to say, or what's going on. I would suggest rewriting the section completely, again keeping in mind that if I, a dedicated SW fan, has no idea what's happening, imagine a casual visitor to this site.
 * 40) **I write articles with the intent that the reader clicks on the links provided if they want more information. I guess I shouldn't do that. :P  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) * Please elaborate on who Hosk Trey'lis is and why he's being interrogated: "she attended the interrogation of Hosk Trey'lis in Darth Maladi's laboratory..."
 * 42) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) *Don't assume the reader knows what The Wheel is. Give a brief explanation of it: "After viewing one of Calixte's security cam feeds from the Wheel, they discovered that the Wheel was Cade's last known location"
 * 44) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) * If possible, it would be good to specify what she used exactly: "but not before she sprayed him with a gas"
 * 46) *If known, please explain what class of ship: "Corde then proceeded to carry Torlin back to his ship, the Raider"
 * 47) **I'm not good with ship stuff, so I couldn't tell you unless it was specifically stated somewhere.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) *You don't explain until much farther down in the paragraph that both of the ships are apparently shuttles of some sort. Please identify them upon their first mention: "She explained that there were two ships parked at the Wheel: one belong to Admiral Stazi of the Galactic Alliance, and the other was a ship that had defected to Roan Fel's faction of the Empire"
 * 49) *This seems speculative, from what I can gather. If you really can't prove that he's dead, don't speculate: " apparently killing him."
 * 50) **That was an artifact left over from the Morrigan Corde article that I had missed. Removed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * Please reword: "that Gunn was one of the ones who..."
 * 52) **Done. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:34, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * The way this is written suggests that the person who informed Veed is also the one hiring Corde, but it seems like you're referring to Calixte: "Upon sharing this info with Morlish Veed, he promptly hired Morrigan Corde"
 * 54) **Clarified. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:34, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) *Where is the Sith Temple? I can assume it is on Coruscant from the article, but please specify: "to remove Cade from the Sith Temple"
 * 56) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) *Please explain why she wants these: "that he turn over to her the three dozen Yuuzhan Vong thud bugs"
 * 58) * In that same sentence, briefly give an explanation of what Black Sun is
 * 59) **Done. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:34, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) *Is "predator" a special term to describe his forces/agents? If so, specify: "to pull his predators off the Temple on her signal"
 * 61) **Its referring to the ships under his command.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *Naturally, I can assume what you mean here, but please elaborate: "After Veed made some unwanted advances toward her, she left"
 * 63) **~sigh~ Do I have to write a porno? :P  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) *As Calixte switches off between using her own name and the Corde identity, you alternate between writing from the perspective of either name. For example, here: After she left Veed's apartment, Corde then located Cade's friends..." This is unnecessary, and mildly confusing. When she switches to the Corde identity, don't continue to refer to her as such. Make a mention initially that she has made the change, and then keep describing her as Calixte only. Please rewrite the appropriate sentences.
 * 65) *Briefly describe who these people are that they are arguing with: "Blue and Syn were locked in an argument with Kee and Chak over Cade's ship"
 * 66) **Smugglers. Done.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) *Explain what a boom bug is: "and others act as "boom bugs.""
 * 68) **Bugs that go BOOM! Jariah Syn lives for Boom, you know! :P Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) *As I progress through the article, I'm seeing increasingly more instances of play-by-play. Specifically, this paragraph. Please rewrite: "Corde then tasked Syn with keying a specific bug to follow Cade, etc."
 * 70) *You keep placing quotes around the term "boom bug." Unless this is done so explicitly in the source, doing so on each mention is unnecessary: "then to move the "boom bugs" near a hangar"
 * 71) **Fixed.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) *Please reword one of the Calixtes: "Back at Calixte's apartment, Calixte was in the middle of taking a shower"
 * 73) **Fixed.
 * 74) *Please note how in this same paragraph, starting "Back at Calixte's apartment," you have five sentences that start off the exact same way. "Corde then did this...Veed then did this...So and so then did this, etc." This is what I mean by instances of PBP, where things get very listy. Please rewrite.
 * 75) *Please rewrite. The use of "Sith" becomes obtrusive: "about the Sith coup in 130 ABY, thus betraying the Sith"
 * 76) *Inappropriate use of tense. Sounds very OOUish. Additionally, sounds very speculative. Unless the story substantiates this solidly, please remove: "...and as far it is known, has told no one about her identity as Morrigan Corde."
 * 77) **Well, considering that she has kept it even from Veed, who is the person closest to her (well, as close as she gets, anyway), I would say it's pretty certain that no one else knows. It's still too early to say for sure, though.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) *This just ties in with the previous objection of saying she "apparently" despised her mother. This sentence suggests it was indeed true. Keep uniformity: "For her part, Gunn despised her mother"
 * 79) **Like I said, I was on crack. ~shrugs~  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) *Inappropriate OOU tense: "Calixte had once stated to Roan Fel that she has had some success in shielding her thoughts from Force users, even though there has been no evidence to suggest she was Force-sensitive."
 * 81) **Reworded.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) *And, per Acky's comments below, these two sentences don't do the Calixte character enough credit to warrant their own section. Please move them unto the P&T
 * 83) *You need to provide a source for this information: "As Morrigan Corde, she had two distinguishing pieces of equipment; the first being her comm devices, and the second being her choker containing the holo of her family. Her comm devices were located on her face, and there were two of them: one under her left eye, and the other on her chin. It remains unknown exactly how they functioned."
 * 84) **I remember seeing it in a forum post by Jan Duursema. I'll go dig it up after work.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) *This is an incomplete sentence: "Nyna Calixte was created by John Ostrander and Jan Duursema was first mentioned in Star Wars Legacy 0."
 * 86) **That was rectified by someone who was not me. Thanks, whoever you are! :D  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *Please reword this clause: " which the scene was written in a way in that the reader is the only person privy to the secret"
 * 88) **Rewrote.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) *Not really an objection, but there seems to be enough concrete evidence that Calixte is the real persona, since we place the article under that name. Perhaps some kind of explanation discussing this? "but it remains unclear at this point which persona is the "real" one."
 * 90) **We don't know if Nyna or Morrigan (or neither) is her real name. I only put it at Calixte because IU, she is the more public persona.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 19:07, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) *Some final suggestions:
 * 92) *Per what I said about the SI War section, no matter how obvious the info may seem, never assume the reader knows what is going on. Make sure you write with the ignorant in mind, explaining who and what things are.
 * 93) *Also, per Wookification, please place referencing after punctuation. I've cleaned these instance up for you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:41, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) From Imperialles:
 * Image:Nyna Maladi Labo.jpg: Distorted. Get someone (Redemption) to re-scan it.
 * Image:Morrigan holo.jpg: Minor scan distortions at the bottom of the image. Ideally, it should be re-scanned.
 * 1) * Image:Morrigan commdevices.JPG: Needs to be cropped.
 * 2) **Is cropped. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 13:08, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *What's the source for the pronunciation?
 * 4) * Is it really necessary to split up the BTS section like that?
 * 5) **Not really. Fixed. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:22, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * --Imperialles 21:41, 25 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Technically, this is still under spoiler warning, so navigate with care.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 04:07, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Good to have you back in action, Toney! :-D Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:50, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Neptune, I would suggest merging the powers and abilities section with the P&T, unless it can be expanded; there isn't, IMHO, enough info there atm to warrant its own section.-- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:24, 24 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I won't make this an objection per se but the article seems rather...void of life. By life I mean images. You can probably put in one more in each section (minus early life as it's short and aligned with the infobox.) -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:19, 27 February 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Hey all. Some of you may remember that I nominated Thyne a few months back. Unfortunately, personal circumstances (new job, new apartment, new fiancee) kept me out of Wookieepedia for a while, and I fell behind in updating the page. I'm back, and thought I'd throw him out for consideration again. As best as I could tell, Thyne was very close to becoming a FA, but the main hang-up was his SWG information, which I just could not obtain. However, I was advised that since the character in SWG is a totally different species than the real Thyne, I should make a seperate page for him, using Chertyl Ruluwoor (Human) as a precedent. I did that, and think Thyne is almost ready for approval; however, I think there may have been some minor clean-up issues I didn't get to last time, so please take a look, let me know if anything needs changing, and I'll do my best. Thanks again! --Colinmcev 06:35, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Ozzel 04:47, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Glad to see this has been cleaned up and renominated. Nice job, Colinmcev.  Greyman ( Talk ) 04:51, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:16, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice job addressing the objections. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:34, 29 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * I would like to see some dates, i.e., years, given in the intro. When was he being groomed under Xizor? When was he working for Loor? When was he captured on Kessel and killed on Coruscant?
 * 3) **I put three years in the intro: when Xizor started grooming him, when he was captured and when he was released, which pretty much covers everything else up to his death. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Same deal with this sentence. Give a time frame: "Zekka Thyne joined the Black Sun syndicate during a time when a loose sense of honor the organization once had was starting to fade"
 * 5) **"Side Trip" credits this directly to the rise of the Empire, but doesn't give any year or date range. I modified the sentence accordingly (actually, the sentence after it, but I think it works). --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Unless Side Trip or some other source explicitly discusses the possibility of Corellia being his planet of origin, remove this unknown phrasing. Additionally, since it is unclear, it's apparently not solid enough to list Corellia as his homeworld in the infoxbox: "It is unclear whether Thyne was born on Corellia, but it was where he spent the majority of his early life."
 * 7) **The reason I have the reference to Corellia being where he spent the majority of his early life is based on the suggestion of someone from the last time I had this nominated. As I said then, Corellia was listed as his homeworld before I started tinkering with the page, so we put this in rather than change that. I see where you are coming from here and have made the changes accordingly, but I'm curious to hear from anyone else if they agree or disagree? --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***And, this seems especially awkward if the name of the section in "Assignment to Corellia" Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:56, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Meant to put the above statement here, in case you had any confusion. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:48, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Two things with this sentence: "Although how his association with Loor began is unclear, it is possible that he was captured and agreed to assist Loor in exchange for leniency, as well as rewards."
 * 11) **Reworded this one. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Please remove or reword the beginning "unclear" clause. Unnecessary. Second, I can't remember, but unless this "possible" speculation is clearly presented as such in the book, please remove.
 * 13) **Changed to "unknown." Is that acceptable? --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***No, it still needs to either be removed or reworded to avoid unknown phrasing and speculation. I cite this from the Manual of Style page: "...do not include phrases like "his ultimate fate is unknown" or "what happened to the ship after that is a mystery." Note how wording like "it is likely that Thyne..." is speculative. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:48, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ****I just removed it. --Colinmcev 22:16, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Please provide a date for this raid. 2 ABY, IIRC: "As Corran and Hal Horn discovered during a raid on his fortress"
 * 17) **Did it. I should also note that I found all 2 ABY references should be 3 ABY. I fixed all of them. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Even better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:48, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Unless this speculation is presented as such in the source, please remove. If it is, please reword to say that the Horns suspected Loor to be behind them, as I think the case was: "Although the Horns never discovered these connections, Loor was almost certainly behind them"
 * 20) **I'm felt this should be left in because I think it's pretty clear Stackpole put these reference to Imperial backdoor connections in to deliberately make a reference to his connection to Loor, which he had already established in Wedge's Gamble. I won't leave it in if it means hanging up the FA nomination, but do you see what I mean? --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***I don't necessarily objection to it being there, just the way it's worded. Since it seem as if its actual in-universe speculation, it was likely presented as such through a character. I would like to see it say, for ex, the Horns believed Loor was behind them, or whatever the case may be. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:02, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ****I've reworded it and I think it works much better now. Let me know what you think. --Colinmcev 02:04, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * This sentence just lacks the appropriate tone, particularly the opening clause. Please remove the beginning and elaborate on how his involvement with Loor led to Black Sun's downfall:. "Whatever the circumstances and regardless of Thyne's personal intentions, his cooperation with Loor contributed to some degree to Black Sun's downfall."
 * 24) **I looked back and honestly, I couldn't find anything about how his involvement damaged Black Sun, so I took this out altogether. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * Please provide a date for this: The Imperial kept his involvement with Thyne a secret, which he later used as leverage to once again turn Thyne into his spy during Rogue Squadron's covert reconnaissance mission on Imperial Center"
 * 26) **Done. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * I don't presume to remember, but please confirm that Thrawn was a Grand Admiral at this point: "Vader concocted a scheme with Grand Admiral Thrawn"
 * 28) **Having read this a couple of weeks ago, I can confirm that he is. Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:05, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Please provide a brief description of who Crisk is: "under the guise that they were delivering unknown cargo to Borbor Crisk."
 * 30) **I already included a reference to Crisk earlier in the article (first paragraph of Appointment to Corellia). --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Ah, ok. My bad. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:21, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Please elaborate on what this is: "This allowed Thrawn to infiltrate his fortress"
 * 33) **I thought that was covered by the previous sentence, but I did clarify it. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Thank you, that's just what I was looking for. This reads better now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:21, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * You never really explain why Thrawn decided to let Thyne live, just that he modified his plan after meeting the Horns. Please do so: "By allowing Thyne to be captured instead of killed, Thrawn was able to further distance Vader and the Empire from the plot to eliminate him."
 * 36) **I put in a more specific reason. Does that sentence work better for you? --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) ***I must admit, after reading this through again and comparing what you had, it worked fine and even read better the way you had it. Perhaps you could try to work in what you had previously along with your addition? Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:21, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * The previous brief mention of the cargo is not enough to really explain what the cargo is, as you have it written. This could be remedied with something as simple as saying the cargo being delivered to Crisk, or whatever the case is: "because Thrawn had arranged for them to pick up the cargo"
 * 39) **Got it. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * As I go along, I vaguely remember that Thyne was something like the bane/arch enemy of Corran Horn. That he was especially elusive and avoided capture by Corran himself on several occasions, yet I see nothing in here describing this.
 * 41) **I haven't seen any references to that in Side Trip; nor in Wedge's Gamble except that Corran remembered and hated him based on their encoutner that led to Thyne's capture, which is obviously covered in this article. Maybe you can refer me to where in the story you remember this from? --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ***You're right. What you describe jogs my memory better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:21, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * You say this as though Vader would somehow have had to answer for, well, anything that caught his fancy. This seems inappropriate, and I don't believe Side Trip ever makes any indications that Vader was trying to hide anything from anyone. In many ways, he does run the Empire, after all. Please remove, unless you might mean back to Black Sun?: "Vader's plan was never traced back to the Empire"
 * 44) **That was meant to indicate that nobody ever discovered the Empire was behind Thyne's capture, although it was terribly worded. I fixed that. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***The rewording helps, but I'm still left a bit confused as to how the Imperial involvement in his capture was never discovered, yet he was sent to the Imperial prison on Kessel. Perhaps you could include a brief explanation, even though it's covered previously, that the credit went to CorSec. Toprawa and Ralltiir
 * 46) ****I gotcha. Added the Corsec reference. --Colinmcev 22:16, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****Nice job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:51, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * Negative connotations as associated by whom? Please explain: "and the negative connotation associated with her by living there"
 * 49) **This is meant to refer to outsiders from Kessel who associate everyone who lives there with the negative connotations of the prison planet. I reworded it, let me know if that works better. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ***Much clearer. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:21, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * I would really like to see a more solid number here, if possible. Does the source approximate five years? I'm curious as to how you came about this number: "After serving about five years on Kessel,"
 * 52) **I think it was just math, although as I noted about, all the 2 ABY references were changed to 3 ABY, so I changed the amount of years accordingly. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) ***I like the addition much better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:21, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * A couple things with this sentence. First, way too drawn out. Try and break it up into at least another sentence. You use the verb "bring" in consecutive clauses. Please reword, ideally, the second one. "During the Provisional Council's planning of the liberation, Borsk Fey'lya formed a plan to free several Black Sun prisoners from Kessel and bring them into Coruscant, where they would bring disparate parts of the criminal organization together still remaining on the planet and work to sabotage the Empire, during which time Rogue Squadron could infiltrate the planet, collect reconnaissance, and bring down the planet's shields."
 * 55) **I split it up into three sentences and did some rewording. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * Please give a brief description of what the Alien Protection Zone is: "Some time later, Thyne found Horn alone in a cantina in Coruscant's Alien Protection Zone"
 * 57) ** Got it. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * Please elaborate on who Asyr Seilar is: "having been captured by Asyr Sei'lar"
 * 59) ** Done. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * This description doesn't do much to differentiate between his prior role as Intelligence liaison to CorSec and his role at this time. Please reword, or otherwise explain: "and brought to Kirtan Loor, who was now serving as an Imperial Intelligence officer"
 * 61) **I'm not sure what the objection is here. His new job (Imperial Intelligence officer) is a promotion over his old one (Intelligence liaison to CorSec). Maybe you can tell me how you'd suggest rewording it? --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) ***To me, I don't see the difference between a liaison officer and just an officer. Was he higher up in the ranks? Toprawa and Ralltiir
 * 63) ****Now that I've looked back, I'm grateful for this suggestion because it turns out that when Loor was an Imperial liason officer to CorSec, he wasn't actually in Imperial Intelligence; that was a promotion that came later! I changed the earlier references accordingly. --Colinmcev 02:04, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) *****Good, good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:43, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) * This could be reworded better: "When Thyne resisted, Loor threatened to leak Thyne's past spy associations with Loor to Black Sun slicers"
 * 66) ** Reworded. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) * Not so much an objection, as I just think this sentence comes off as unnecessarily euphemistic. I seem to remember Loor having a stormtrooper shoot him in the abdomen. If so, please reword to sound more direct, if you catch my meaning. "Loor had Thyne sent back to Rogue Squadron, but not before having Thyne inflicting with a non-lethal blaster injury to the abdomen so that it would appear that he had escaped capture"
 * 68) **Does this rewording seem better for you? --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Yes, good job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:51, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * Provide a brief description of who Mirax Terrik is: "She was only saved when Horn and Mirax Terrik provided assistance"
 * 71) **Done. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * Please reword the beginning of this sentence to avoid starting out consecutive sentences with "This": "This confrontation would serve"
 * 73) **Done. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * Please paraphrase Horn's quote, rather than quoting him directly: "which Corran Horn felt gave the impression of "one massive black eye that was slowly fading.""
 * 75) **Done. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * If I recall, Thyne had some sort of artwork hanging in his compound that featured the Emperor in some capacity. I would like to see more detailed explanations of the artworks he had there. Thrawn does a nice job of analyzing them and his character. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:56, 25 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) **The only descriptions I found of the artwork in Thyne's place were what I already have in the article: mostly excessive nudes, heavy color scheme of pinks and purples and harsh shades of green, and Thyne's tendency to "correct" the art. Thrawn and Horn had a discussion about art earlier in the story, but it was about an artist they were both familiar with, not what Thyne had collected nor what it meant for his character. I think that's probably what you were recalling. --Colinmcev 05:24, 26 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) Round Two:
 * 79) * I just want to confirm that what you have here is indeed the case. You originally worded it as speculation, but now it reads as if its a definite. "but never learned that Loor was behind them"
 * 80) **I checked and its right. The main reason I previously said it as speculation was because I imagined that maybe Corran Horn might have thought back after learning that Zekka was an Imperial spy and figured it out, you know? But strictly going by what it says in Side Trip, it's correct the way it is now. --Colinmcev 01:24, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) * I'm not sure if you saw this, but I added this above after one of your changes: "I must admit, after reading this through again and comparing what you had, it worked fine and even read better the way you had it. Perhaps you could try to work in what you had previously along with your addition?"
 * 82) **I tried to combine the two. What do you think of it now? --Colinmcev 01:24, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) ***Good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:45, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) * In the intro, I would like to see an explanation of why he was called Patches
 * 85) **I added an explanation to the nickname, but personally I don't really like it because I feel the first sentence now takes too long before getting to who exactly Thyne is. But on the other hand, I don't think it really fits anywhere else in the intro. I would argue for removing the description I just added, but if you feel it's good, I'll leave it. --Colinmcev 01:24, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ***I disagree, and I think that the sentence is perfect as is. Not too long or rambling. Describing why he is known as Patches is an essential detail. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:45, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) * Something just isn't sitting right with me here. You write that Xizor "began grooming him as the heir-apparent to the criminal empire," and then write in the next section that "Xizor was able to establish Thyne as his chief associate on Corellia..." While technically true, it just makes it seem as if his "training period" has come to an end, when this does not seem to be the case. I quote from story: "Xizor had used Corellia as a training ground for some of his lieutenants. The most recent and most brutal of them was Zekka Thyne." Perhaps you could reword to explain that he was on Corellia specifically to be trained, as seems the case, and that he was still being groomed. Also, not that I went through the story that meticulously, but I haven't found anything saying that he was meant to be an heir to Xizor, just that he was being groomed as a top subordinate. Please confirm.
 * 88) **The heir-apparent wording was in the story before I got to it, but I found it in a description by Corran Horn in Wedge's Gamble, not Side trip, so I left it in. I added something about Corellia serving as a training ground for Thyne. What do you think? --Colinmcev 01:24, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) ***Perfect. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:45, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) *The BTS could benefit from some kind of explanation of how Galaxies created a Bothan character of the same name.
 * 91) **Done. --Colinmcev 01:24, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) ***I would still like to see a little more expansion of this. Look at the Bothan character's BTS and see what is there. That's what I'm looking for. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:45, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) ****I put a bit more in. I should note, however, that this article is not about the SWG Thyne, so I don't have to include such information as what quests Thyne assigned within the game or what part his character played. That info, if anybody ever finds it, should go in the other profile. --Colinmcev 03:25, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) *****No, you shouldn't have to. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:34, 29 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 95) *As I look through Side Trip, I'm finding that you do a very nice job of getting all the necessary details and information down to a tee. Kudos. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:14, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) **Thank you my good sir. :D --Colinmcev 01:24, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 97) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 98) * "Although Horn did not completely disregard the idea, he doubted Thyne was involved, as the murder took place more than a year-and-a-half into Thyne's prison term. He did not allow himself to be bothered by the comments." This reads awkwardly.
 * 99) **I reworded it. What do you think? --Colinmcev 02:15, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * Also, could you put something about how he was known as the most vicious vigo in P&T?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 02:08, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 101) **Done. --Colinmcev 02:15, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) LtNOWIS:
 * 103) * It shouldn't used Template:Rhere at the top, because Patches does not in fact redirect there. -LtNOWIS 04:21, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) **Addressed. Hobbes ( Tiger's Lair ) 21:04, 27 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Good to see you're giving this another shot mate, and congrats!-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 16:32, 25 February 2008 (UTC)