Wookieepedia:Comprehensive article nominations/Dome wall secret annex


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dome wall secret annex

 * Nominated by:  Holocron Greatholocron.jpg (Complain) 04:09, January 19, 2011 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Why are all the corporations in my articles sneaky and evil? Again, no CSWE entry.

(1 ECs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Menkooroo 14:41, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
 * 2)  Master Jonathan New Jedi Order.svg ( Jedi Council Chambers ) 00:47, January 28, 2011 (UTC)
 * 3) Darth Morrt 02:44, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * 4) Whoopsie, forgot this...  1358  (Talk)  11:49, February 6, 2011 (UTC)

Object
 * You should mention that Obi-Wan discovered the secret annex, etc. Darth Morrt 04:54, January 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * Done.  Holocron Greatholocron.jpg (Complain) 07:59, January 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * "In 44 BBY, Jedi Initiate Obi-Wan Kenobi found this annex while exploring the dome, he reported its existence to Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn shortly after the discovery." Improper English; that second comma is incorrectly used. 1358  (Talk)  07:43, January 23, 2011 (UTC)
 * Rewrote that section.  Holocron Greatholocron.jpg (Complain) 21:37, January 23, 2011 (UTC)


 * Can you mention Bandomeer in the article's body? It would also help give needed context on the Enrichment Dome.
 * Context on the Agricorps? What do they have to do with the dome? Menkooroo 14:13, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
 * Done.  Holocron Greatholocron.jpg (Complain) 14:38, January 26, 2011 (UTC)


 * From the Council Chambers:
 * Conjecturally-titled articles shouldn't have the article name in bold at the start of the article like that. Just dive into the article and bold the word or words that seem most descriptive, such as "This secret annex was located in...".
 * Done.
 * The same goes for the opening of the BTS, which should be reworded also.
 * The first sentence is just plain confusing. For one, it's a run-on and needs to be broken up or cut down. Second, as written it says that the annex itself was used by the AgriCorps to grow plants, which IIRC in not the case. If only Offworld used the annex and you're trying to refer to the dome which I think is the case here, then please correct it to say so.
 * "As the AgriCorps were not allowed to associate with any corporation, the annex was illegal.": How is the AgriCorps associating with Offworld here? IIRC, the AgriCorps didn't know about the annex until Obi-Wan discovered it, so I fail to see how the mere presence of it creates an association, which is what you're implying.
 * They're not. That sentence was supposed to show that the annex was illegal, and not endorsed by the AgriCorps. I can remove it and simply mention that Offworld wasn't actually allowed to have this annex somewhere else, if you would prefer.  Holocron Greatholocron.jpg (Complain) 14:48, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * After digging out the book to check, the book doesn't actually call it illegal that I saw; also, it appears it's Offworld that would be breaking the rules, but you are implying that the AgriCorps is the one breaking the rules. Please reword to avoid outright calling it illegal and make clear that it's Offworld violating rules, not the AgriCorps (which didn't even know about it).  Master Jonathan New Jedi Order.svg ( Jedi Council Chambers ) 19:00, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Changed to show that they were breaking Agricorps rules, not Bandomeer laws.  Holocron Greatholocron.jpg (Complain) 00:42, January 28, 2011 (UTC)
 * Obi-Wan, at this time, is a full member of the AgriCorps and no longer an Initiate. Please correct this.
 * As I read it he wasn't a full member at that stage, he was only touring the facility. Could you name the page that says he's a full member?  Holocron  Greatholocron.jpg <font color="#208090">(Complain) 08:39, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * The first few chapters of the previous book, The Rising Force, show how Obi-Wan was rejected as an Initiate and remanded to the AgriCorps. The tours are merely his introduction to the AgriCorps.  Master Jonathan New Jedi Order.svg ( Jedi Council Chambers ) 19:00, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I don't have that book, so I wasn't aware of that. Changed. <font color="#208090"> Holocron Greatholocron.jpg <font color="#208090">(Complain) 00:42, January 28, 2011 (UTC)
 * As written, the BTS says that The Dark Rival was the second book in the series that Watson wrote, which is false (Dave Wolverton wrote the first book). Please reword so that it's clear that this was simply the second book in the series.
 * Changed. <font color="#208090"> Holocron Greatholocron.jpg <font color="#208090">(Complain) 08:39, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
 *  Master Jonathan New Jedi Order.svg ( Jedi Council Chambers ) 04:18, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Also, I removed the hyphen from AgriCorps; while the book uses it, all other sources I'm aware of, including the Power of the Jedi Sourcebook, The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia, and The Jedi Path, do not use it, so it's better to go with the majority.  Master Jonathan New Jedi Order.svg ( Jedi Council Chambers ) 04:33, January 27, 2011 (UTC)

Comments