Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * Inquisitorius FAN Triage
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 7) Per Inquisitorius consensus, nominators are restricted to three nominations on the FAN page at any one time. Once one nomination is removed from the page as either successful or unsuccessful, another can be added.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) Please note that in order for your vote to count, you must have 50 mainspace edits.
 * 4) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 5) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 6) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of seven Inquisitor votes after a minimum of two days with no outstanding objections, the nomination will be considered successful. Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 7) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

HK-47

 * Nominated by: JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:42, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Statement: This time, optimal quality is guaranteed.

(3 Inqs/5 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Optimal accuracy ratio achieved. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:16, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:13, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 04:18, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Thefourdotelipsis 23:12, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Lord Hydronium 05:38, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) --Eyrezer 11:44, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:54, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Just because I helped in the beginning, don't think this'll be easy :P
 * 2) * "After the significant loss of life at the Battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47 as an alternative as he no longer felt destruction of such a scale necessary for his goals." This is confusing and it was already stated in the sentence before that Revan created HK.
 * 3) **Hopefully clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "The droid went on to help Revan find the Star Forge once more." Revan found the Star Forge before? What is the Star Forge?
 * 5) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Context on T3, Jedi Exile, GO-TO in the intro.
 * 7) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "were found by GO-TO and used for his purposes." This is too vague.
 * 9) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "The Exile finally repaired HK-47, who went on to defeat G0-T0 with help from HK-50 droids he persuaded to join the Exile." Why would he need to defeat GO-TO? What was the Exile trying to do?
 * 11) **Re-worded for better understanding. I don't think we need to go into too much detail over GO-TO's goals in the intro. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 03:14, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "given a new body." Why would he need a new body, what happened to the old one? You should probably mention that he was in the ship as well.
 * 13) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 14) * "This battle climaxed in a showdown between these spacers" What spacers? Were they the ones decieved by HK?
 * 15) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 16) * "HK-47's programming resulted in his enjoyment of bloodshed, and he took pleasure in any sort of violence, even describing his work as a form of art. He had a relatively condescending opinion towards organics, and made a habit of branding all organic lifeforms meatbags." I don't know if this is really neccisary, it's just a footnote disjointed from the intro.
 * 17) **Removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 18) *That's it for now. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:31, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Context on Nar Shaddaa. It should also be stated that GO-TO is a droid.
 * 20) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 21) * As it reads now, the first paragraph jumps from his creation to his capture. There should be a mention that he was set on missions by Revan.
 * 22) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 23) * The first two sentences begin the article by saying that he was created at the beginning of the Jedi Civil War, then they say that he was created in the wake of Malachor V (I reworded this part a little but it was there before) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:12, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Rewritten. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 03:35, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Nayayen
 * 27) * There is a fair bit of underlinking throughout. Don't forget that links shouldn't be unique to the intro and infobox just as much as information can't be.
 * 28) **After my copyedit I've also found cases of overlinking. For example, Visas Marr is not linked but Sith apprentice is linked at least twice in the body. Just remember: 1 link in intro, 1 in body, 1 in infobox and 1 in each image caption (if the latter two apply). Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **I've since linked and unlinked most of the ones that I could find, if you still see any, feel free to point them out and I'll take care of them immediately. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 30) * In the intro, where did Revan find HK again?
 * 31) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 32) * "Revan decided that more droids of this design would make efficient agents for his purposes." -What are his purposes?
 * 33) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 34) * Am I not correct in thinking that the Sand People then let Revan hear from their storyteller? HK-47 would translate for both parties as before but would often advise against responses that may offend the storyteller.
 * 35) **Actually Revan meets directly with the chieftain while HK provides translation. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 36) ***That is correct but I am fairly certain that you can meet with the storyteller if you fully follow the quest through. For starters, most of what the storyteller's lines (or rather, HK's translations) have the "Sound Resref" of "nm20aaxsto-"; you can check yourself. If you give the chieftain a krayt dragon pearl then he will deem you worthy enough to meet the storyteller. Please look into it. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ****Yeah, you're correct. I was never generous enough to give them my pearl, so I didn't recall this happening. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 38) * "was honored with Revan's other companions as heroes of the Republic, possibly even being awarded the Cross of Glory" -He either was or wasn't awarded it. There shouldn't be speculation about it.
 * 39) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 40) ***I can't find any reference to him being awarded it in the TSL tlk file. Do you have the StrRef for it? Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ****I watched the ending of KOTOR again and Dodonna states that she's "proud to honor each of you with the Cross of Glory," which I think makes it a safe assumption that HK-47 received it as well. If you disagree, I'd be perfectly fine with removing any mention of the award. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 42) * '"The attack failed when the Jedi Exile, Visas Marr, Nihilus's former Sith apprentice; and the current Mandalore, Canderous Ordo, along with a large force of Mandalorians boarded Nihilus's flagship, the Ravager, killed Nihilus, and destroyed the ship."'' -This is very disjointed, please fix it.
 * 43) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 44) * You need to put the P&t quote into.
 * 45) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 46) * How could you not even mention his definition of love in the P&t?
 * 47) **Good question, fixed with pleasure. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 48) * "The droid also found attacking a Jedi's allies, as Jedi would often sacrifice themselves to save an ally." -This sentence doesn't make sense.
 * 49) **Not sure what happened here, but fixed nonetheless. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 50) * Who, if anyone, voiced him in SWG?
 * 51) **After checking IMDB pages for both HK and Tabori, it doesn't appear he has a VA in Galaxies, although I'm unfamiliar with the game, and could be mistaken. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 52) ***Well, knowing that IMDB isn't always reliable, can you check with someone who has it? Someone in WP:SWG should be willing and able. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ****I've just had it confirmed by Fett 1138 that HK-47 doesn't have a voice actor in SWG. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 54) * Does his Force alignment differ between KotOR and TSL?
 * 55) **If it does it doesn't differ noticeably. He starts very dark-sided in both games. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 56) * I don't think this is something that you yourself might be able to fix but can you see about having the "companions of Revan" succession box made the same style as "companions of the Jedi Exile"?
 * 57) **I'll look into it, but I'm admittedly not very good with dealing with that sort of stuff. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 58) **This is overstepping the bounds of the FAN process, to put it politely. You don't want to hear what I really think of this kind of nonsensical objection. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:16, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) **FWIW, I did modify the template for consistency's sake, if nothing else. It now matches the KOTOR II template. 22:31, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ***My apologies Culator, I meant to have this as a comment and not an objection. Thank you Fraajic for sorting it. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * The URL references all need to use.
 * 62) **I'm unfortunately terrible when dealing with refs, so would it be too much to ask for you to fix one as an example? Then I'd know exactly what to do and would fix the rest myself. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 63) ***Certainly, it took me ages to figure them out myself... I've done Ref13. One thing to note is that accessdate needs the format yyyy/mm/dd. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) ****Ok, I fixed the refs, but I did end up listing the Team Gizka one multiple times because I couldn't get the ref name to work. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 65) *****They work the same as normal refs but instead of SOURCE for the first one, you put in the Cite web template. I've fixed them for you. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Ref No.6 (kotorcg) needs fixing.
 * 67) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 68) * Some of the categories seem a little odd, specifically the "culture" ones. Can you find any more suitable ones?
 * 69) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 70) * I can't believe that there aren't more interwiki links. Please check the list and see if any more languages have HK-47 yet.
 * 71) **LtNOWIS seems to have done this. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *I may find some more after I do a copyedit this weekend. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) *Four more for you. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ** "Separatist scientists began studying design elements of HK-47" -who are the Separatists? Someone who doesn't know that the CIS are the Separatists wouldn't be able to see the connection.
 * 75) ***Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 76) ** Further to the linking issues, there seems to be at least 3 things in the Mustafar section that should be linked but aren't.
 * 77) ***Linked a few more, although many of the referenced objects or places don't seem to have articles. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 78) ** "Whether these were intentionally installed by Revan or simply part of his protocol droid package is unclear." -This should be reworded to be from an IU perspective.
 * 79) ***Hopefully fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 80) ** Can the paragraph of the P&t with brackets in be reworded to remove them?
 * 81) ***Brackets removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 82) Naru continues...
 * 83) * "Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the superweapon known as the Star Forge." Use the Star Forge to do what? What does the Star Forge do?
 * 84) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "While HK-47 displayed obedience to those he identified as his master, he had little regard for any form of life and admitted that he was driven by a desire for violence and carnage. He characteristically used the term meatbag when speaking of organic life forms, especially Humans." This sounds like it should be in the P&T. The following reason for it could also be moved there as well.
 * 86) **I feel that this segment is important where it is, as it establishes the type of programming Revan gave him and explains the origin of the meatbag term. I reworded it a bit so it hopefully fits a bit better. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "The droid would continue to serve Revan during the Jedi Civil War, a devastating coonflict between a Sith Empire that Revan created after his turn to the dark side and the Galactic Republic, helping him locate the Star Forge and assassinating beings who could potentially destabilize the galaxy until his master sent him on an assassination mission into Mandalorian space." This is a double "and" and also mildly confusing. Reword.
 * 88) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:06, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * Revan's memories were lost due to the intervention of the Jedi Council, not as a direct result of Malak's bombardment. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:45, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:06, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:00, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) Objections: 
 * 93) * First of all, please standardize your paragraph length. Some are just uber-long, while the others are tiny.
 * 94) **I believed I've made them a bit more even. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * Intro: However, HK-47 had been badly damaged and captured on a mission in Mandalorian space shortly before Revan was captured by the Jedi Order. The assassin droid's memory core was damaged, causing him to forget about his master, and he went from owner to owner, many of whom he inadvertently slew personally. Damaged is a bit repetitive. Please change one.
 * 96) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * The droid also accompanied Revan to the edge of the Unknown Regions along with Revan's utility droid, T3-M4, before being left behind in Revan's starship, the Ebon Hawk, as the proclaimed Jedi Knight journeyed on to face a threat he had remembered from his time as the Dark Lord. Quite confusing as to who "the Jedi Knight" refers to, since you don't establish in the into that Revan was a Jedi.
 * 98) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Revan's assassin: Not long after the resolution of the war, Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the Star Forge, a superweapon which could produce an endless supply of war material, which Revan hoped to use in conquering the Republic. This one is a run-on.
 * 100) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) * The Jedi Council ordered the Sith Lord's memories be re-written, and Revan lost his original memories, including those of HK-47's existence. Change one of the "memories" to something else.
 * 102) **Changed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * From master to master: The droid shut himself down once again after this discovery and was sold to a Human senator on the galactic capital of Coruscant. I believe that "this discovery" refers to the disovery of his master's death, but please reword to make it more clear.
 * 104) **Clarifed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * Back with Revan: It was also the signal for HK-47's internal programming to undo the simulated damage to his primary memory core&hellip; Are you sure "simulated" is the appropriate word here? Because is sounds as if HK simulated the damage intentionally, which, from what I can tell, was not the case.
 * 106) **Missed that one, fixed now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please provide more context for Revan's search for the Star Forge. Why did he want to find it the second time?
 * 108) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) *** Now you have two consecutive sentences that state that Revan was looking for the Star Forge. Please fix this.
 * 110) ****Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) ***** Objection stands. Revan was once again trying to find the Star Forge and was looking for the Star Map located on Tatooine. Revan was once again searching for the Star Maps, this time on behalf of the Jedi Council, in order to locate and destroy the superweapon and save the Republic from defeat. These two sentences still state the same info. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ******One more try! JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * Promise: Will continue with the "The Jedi Exile" later. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * The Jedi Exile: When the Jedi Exile who had since gained ownership of the Ebon Hawk reactivated HK-47, using parts retrieved from the imitation HK-50s and a junk dealer on Nar Shaddaa, the droid was enraged to discover these copies of himself, citing their coloration and their lack of using the meatbag reference, instead using "organic," as examples of their inferiority in his eyes. Run-on.
 * 115) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * &hellip;the droid joined the Exile in her journey to find and unite the surviving Jedi Masters from the former Jedi High Council of the First Jedi Purge. Reads as if it was "The Jedi Council of the First Jedi Purge". Please reword.
 * 117) **Reworded. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) * Context on G0-T0 upon first mention.
 * 119) **GO-TO is given context in the intro, but I added some context there anyway. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) ***Comment: The intro and the main body are two separate entities. A subject needs to be given context in both. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) * Please move the part about Revan erasing HK's memory to its chronological spot.
 * 122) **Moved. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) *** Still not good. This needs to be moved to the point where the erasing was actually performed by Revan, i.e. the ending of the "Back with Revan" section. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 124) ****Fixed? JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) * Darth Nihilus, a member of an organization of Dark Lords of the Sith, was tricked by Kreia into attacking the Jedi Academy there, thinking that he could sap the Jedis' Force energy when in reality the only Force-sensitive in the academy was its founder, Jedi Master Atris, the rest were Force-blind Echani Handmaidens. Again, run-on. Also, the plural form of Jedi is also "Jedi", not "Jedis".
 * 126) **Anons and their grammar...Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) * &hellip;freeing Bao-Dur's remote to activate the Mass Shadow Generator&hellip; Who's Bao-Dur? There is no mention of him prior to this part.
 * 128) **He is also mentioned in the intro but I added more context. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) ***See my comment above. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) * Sometime during the thousands of years between then and the Galactic Civil War, HK-47's artificial intelligence was transferred to a computer located in a Hammerhead-class cruiser. Explain that HK-47's chassis was also aboard the cruiser when it crashed, because the mention of the Separatists finding it later doesn't make much sense otherwise.
 * 131) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * "Retirement" on Mustafar: When the Separatist Confederacy of Independent Systems arrived on Mustafar during the on-going Clone Wars Choose either the "Separatists" or the "Confederacy of Independent Systems." Using both together feels kinda excessive.
 * 133) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) * Context on Darth Vader.
 * 135) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) * after Vader and the Imperial forces left Mustafar Again, what "Imperial" forces? There's no mention of any Empire.
 * 137) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) *** Darth Vader's actions brought an end to the Clone Wars and the Separatist movement and secured the security of the new Galactic Empire. Secured the security? :P QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) ****Wow, my bad. Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) * HK-47 instructed the spacers to invade the Kubaza Beetle Cavern and enable his AI to be transferred from the ship. How would the spacers invading the cavern help HK-47 transfer his AI? Was there some kind of switch in the cavern or what?
 * 141) **I'm not entirely sure what the process was since I never played Galaxies so I opted for a more general description which hopefully suffices. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 142) * Overall, the chronology of events in this section is quite confusing. What was the point of restoring the power to the facility? Did HK transfer his consciousness there as the facility's article claims? What did the six-digit code do? Please go through the section again and try to fix these.
 * 143) **I removed most of the irrelevant details to clear things up. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 144) * HK-47 informed them that, although he appreciated their help for returning him to his body, he would have to get the factory back up and running to get some payback from those who had taken it from him. Who had taken what? The body or the factory?
 * 145) **Whoever wrote this section in the beginning really didn't do a good job, but I've hopefully addressed all concerns. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 146) * Droid factory leads to a disambiguation page.
 * 147) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 148) * Also, I count five redlinks in the article. Take care of them (though I don't think we need an article for "gas").
 * 149) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 150) * Will continue with "Personality and traits" later. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:24, November 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) * For example, if asking a question, he would first say "Query:", before beginning a question such as, "Query: Who would you like killed today, master?." Feels too detailed. I believe the first part of the sentence is sufficient.
 * 152) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) * He was fluent in Galactic Basic Standard, Tusken, Binary, Jawa trade language, and boasted that he was fluent in over 6,000 forms of communication. "He was fluent" is repetitive
 * 154) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 155) * Could you state the dates of KotORs and SWG in the biography? It is always better to let the reader know when an event took place.
 * 156) **Good idea. The Mustafar section already had a date, so I just added them in the others. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 157) *Statement: That's all. Good work. Now fix all that's left, and I'll be happy to give my vote :) QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 158) ** All of the remaining objections stand. I've seen no changes made to satisfy them in the page history. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:37, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 159) **Sorry, I must have missed the save button or something, please take a look now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 160) Soresu makes a rare appearance on the FAN page
 * 161) * Just a random thing I noticed. You should make mention of his highly positive critical reception in KOTOR. I believe he won some awards for best character or something, too. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:04, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 162) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 163) Attack of the Clone
 * 164) * "During this period, HK-50 assassin droids, a newer version of HK that Revan had mass-produced, were found by G0-T0, the leader of the Exchange organization on the notorious Hutt-controlled moon Nar Shaddaa. G0-T0 was in truth a droid, and was forced to act in secrecy to preserve his identity, which led him to hire the HK-50s as bounty hunters, and the droids soon began traveling around the galaxy helping him achieve his goals." Is this much context really relevant to HK-47 himself? Remember, intros are only supposed to provide the reader with the most basic understanding of the subject possible.
 * 165) **Removed all but the relevant parts. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 166) * Could you please clarify the conflicts between the manufacturers in the infobox? The infobox should really only use what is fully verified, so if the actual manufacturer is unknown, then the infobox should reflect that.
 * 167) **I've switched it to unknown, but I would like to point out that Czerka is said to be the rumored manufacturer in the official Databank entry if that makes any difference. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 168) ***That still does not solve it. The infobox still needs to maintain an IU perspective, and "unknown" clarifies as OOU.  CC7567  (talk) 03:07, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 169) * The relevancy of nearly the entire first paragraph of the Biography is questionable. Please clarify why all of it is important and how it is directly relevant to HK-47.
 * 170) **I removed bits which weren't absolutely necessary but I feel the remaining content is important in clarifying why Revan chose to construct HK specifically after the battle at Malachor, and also explains why a Jedi would consider using an assassin. I understand your point about it relating to HK, but I feel the backdrop of his construction is an important part of his biography as well. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 171) ***I'm sorry, but my point of view still stands. I cannot honestly understand why throwaway bits of information, including why Malachor V was chosen as a battlefield, are directly relevant to HK-47. Furthermore, you mention the Mass Shadow Generator but don't even clarify if it was the instigator of the "destruction caused at Malachor" that you later state was the reasons behind Revan's construction of HK-47&mdash;for that reason, since you don't clarify why it's relevant, it isn't relevant. Please make this connection clearer or just shorten or scrap it all together; context isn't context when it's not clarified as context.  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 172) ****I've removed most of the irrelevant information so it hopefully works now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 173) * If you choose to keep it, Revan's "turn to the dark side" is extremely unclear in the first paragraph of the Biography.
 * 174) **Would you like me to go into more detail about their fall? That part isn't very relevent because that delves deep into content which isn't related to HK very much at all, mainly their encounter with the True Sith and the Sith Emperor. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 175) ***No, what you've added is fine. (And yes, you're right that adding any more information would be irrelevant.)  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 176) * "who claimed him as his spoils": please check this; it's not very clear.
 * 177) **Hopefully clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 178) ***Why is it "presumably"? If it wasn't directly clarified, speculation does not belong in this article.  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 179) ****Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 180) * "and began using him to elevate his rank by eliminating rivals": same as above.
 * 181) **Hopefully also clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 182) * "The Senator instead ordered HK-47 to kill the assistant, and the droid remained with his master, helping him eliminate his political enemies. The Senator was on the way to being elected as the Supreme Chancellor, but things did not go as they had been planned." This is unclear. Did the Senator want to eliminate his political rivals in order to be elected Chancellor? If so, this needs to be clarified, because it's irrelevant at the moment.
 * 183) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 184) * "Revan was once again trying to find the Star Forge and was looking for the Star Map located on Tatooine. Revan was once again searching for the Star Maps, this time on behalf of the Jedi Council, in order to locate and destroy the superweapon and save the Republic from defeat." Please smooth out the redundant wordings here.
 * 185) **Hopefully fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 186) * Please source that Fact tag.
 * 187) **How odd, I'm not sure why that was there. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 188) *I think that's enough for now. The two things I would recommend watching at this point are your level of context and your verb tense. For context, all that needs to be included in the article is what is directly relevant to HK-47 or is completely necessary to understand other parts of the article. For verb tense, future tense should only be used where necessary, as the shifts between past and future make the article confusing. I would recommend running through the entire article and try to fix these issues soon, preferably before I continue my review. I'll continue with "The Jedi Exile" once you have fixed these issues.  CC7567  (talk) 02:56, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 189) **Ok, I looked over the article and I think you can continue now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 190) Galaxies
 * 191) * The article Star Wars Galaxies: Trials of Obi-Wan states that the droid can be destroyed. Is this true? Also, are there any other, alternative ways to the Mustafar quest, which should be noted in the BtS? And, should you add the links to the Trials of Obi-Wan? Kreivi Wolter 11:21, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 192) **Yes, as stated in the article, you do destroy HK-47, but he survives in another body and sends you the hologram. There is only one way to complete the Mustafar quest. There are already sufficient links to Trials of Obi-Wan in the Mustafar section of the article and in fact, we decided to remove some as they were overly specific and unnecessary. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 193) Attack II
 * 194) * "He was partially repaired by an unknown party." This should be ringing sirens in your head by now. Please fix or scrap this OOU perspective.
 * 195) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 196) * "although he did seem familiar with G0-T0, a droid crime lord who also joined the Jedi Exile": either he's familiar with him or he isn't, nothing in between.
 * 197) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 198) * "The Exile had left instructions to destroy Malachor V, which G0-T0 tried to prevent": this is very choppy and unclear. What exactly was G0-T0 trying to prevent?
 * 199) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 200) * "Sometime during the thousands of years between then and the Galactic Civil War": when is then?
 * 201) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 202) * "For unknown reasons": OOU perspective.
 * 203) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 204) * "the terminal in the Hammerhead-class cruiser contacted a group of spacers": so the "terminal" can contact people all on its own? Please clarify.
 * 205) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 206) * "Revan may have directly programmed such behavior when designing HK-47, although these tendencies may have simply been part of HK-47's protocol droid package." Speculation does not belong in IU articles. Please reword or nuke it.
 * 207) **Nuked. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 208) * "As HK-47's AI was taken to create the next generation of HK droids, this trait also carried over to the HK-50 models, though these later models would more often add adjectives to their speech conditionals such as "Veiled threat" or "Irritated statement", most likely to contribute toward their disguises as protocol droids." I'm not sure about you, but this appears both irrelevant and speculative to me; please clarify this.
 * 209) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 210) * Fix that Fact tag, please.
 * 211) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 212) * "The origins of HK-47's name come from BioWare writer Drew Karpyshyn, who states on his website that the origin for the name of HK-47 is as follows: "My billiard team is the original source of the name for a popular character in the Knights of the Old Republic game. My team was made up of 4 players with the last name Harrison, and 1 player (me) with the name Karpyshyn. So with 4 H's and 1 K we were going to call ourselves the HK-41's. But we decided HK-47 sounded more intimidating because of the well known AK-47 rifle, so we became the HK-47's. Several years later, when I went to work for BioWare, I tacked the name onto the homicidal Hunter-Killer robot assassin who joined the player on his quest."" If you're going to quote something, please do it properly and place it where it should go; however, I'm sure that you can find a better way of reiterating the origins of his name rather than just simply copying it directly from the guy's website.
 * 213) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 214) * "It is unknown if it was intended that HK-47 would perish with Malachor V, but given his resurgence in the Rebellion era, no ending in which he did can be considered canon-compatible. Same issue with speculation that I've reiterated twice before. Not even cut scenes should have it.
 * 215) **Removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 216) *I will be going through this article once more with you after all of these have been fixed. Please dedicate as much time as possible to therefore ensure that the article is at its best quality and complies with all of Wookieepedia's policies.  CC7567  (talk) 03:07, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 217) Clone Attack III
 * 218) * Please remember that there's another objection remaining somewhere above from one of my earlier reviews.
 * 219) **As to the objection about the manufacturers, I must admit I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to properly fix the problem. Could you please explain how I should deal with it? JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 220) ***You can simply remove the "Unknown" and end the problem. If the Manufacturer field isn't field, the reader automatically assumes that it isn't known, but this way you let the reader make that assumption instead of doing so yourself.  CC7567  (talk) 02:39, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 221) ****Gotcha, thanks. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 222) * "HK-47 also aided the Exile in her search for the surviving Jedi Masters": can more context be given for what, specifically, the Jedi Masters "survived"?
 * 223) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 224) * Can this "political assassin" role be better worded? If Revan had him assassinate political individuals, then it should be stated as such.
 * 225) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 226) * "Revan did, in fact, use Czerka's HK-24 design as a basis for his model and included several of his own upgrades." As this fact has much more relevance earlier on&mdash;say, at the beginning of the Bio&mdash;can it be placed as such?
 * 227) **Moved. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 228) * Context on the Star Forge in the Bio, please.
 * 229) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 230) * Can a link be placed somewhere for Malak's betrayal? I'm sure that there's an article for the battle that exists here.
 * 231) **A link to the Capture of Darth Revan is already present in the article, but if you would like me to link it elsewhere as well, feel free to ask. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 232) ***No, that's fine; I just didn't see it.  CC7567  (talk) 02:39, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 233) * "As a sign of appreciation, the chieftain gave Revan his personal gaffi stick as a sign of gratitude": please pick either the appreciation or gratitude; the redundancy is rather unnecessary.
 * 234) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 235) * "Revan later encountered Malak for the first time since his former Sith apprentice had betrayed him. This meeting proved to be the stimulus necessary for Revan to remember the truth about his own history." Any links to events that can be implemented here?
 * 236) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 237) * "HK-47 remained with Revan until the end of the former Dark Lord's journey, following him to the Star Forge and aiding in the destruction of the superweapon as well as the defeat of Darth Malak." Same as above.
 * 238) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 239) * "Somehow during the intervening time": can this be reworded at all? It's not very clear.
 * 240) **JethLordMaster, I just realized that this objection has not been stricken, and further inspection of the article indicates that it hasn't been addressed yet. Please do so as soon as possible.  CC7567  (talk) 08:02, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 241) ***I apologize for appearing to have ignored this one, I just didn't see it. Fixed now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 03:43, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 242) * Context on the Jedi Exile in the Bio.
 * 243) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 244) * In keeping with many of the current FAs, can "Characteristics" and "Abilities" be used instead of the P&T and S&A, which are more centered around organic characters themselves?  CC7567  (talk) 23:05, February 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 245) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 246) * If the First Jedi Purge is a conjecturally titled article, then it cannot be used as a canon name in the article. Please clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 23:57, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 247) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:54, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * File:WeatheredHK-47-K2.jpg is ridiculously low quality. Get someone better to re-do it. --Imperialles 03:08, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) *I've sent a request to Redemption and I'll update once the image is up. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 06:02, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) BTS stuff: I would note that the NEGTD/KOTOR CG includes some of the cut content, with notes on what was changed (namely, 47 gets the allegiance of the HK-50s instead of the HK-51s). The Team Gizka reference is rather out of date at this point, and I don't think it's really relevant to HK himself. Futurama reference seems a bit random; I guess you're trying to imply without saying that they may have gotten the term from it, but it comes off awkwardly, so I'd probably just drop the whole thing. Also you might want to note this; it's from a CD included in the Prima Strategy Guide. - Lord Hydronium 04:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) *All issues handled. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:46, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Four Dot
 * 5) * "The droid went on to aid Revan after his return to the Jedi Order in his campaign to find and destroy the Star Forge, an ancient factory that Revan had used during his reign as the Dark Lord of the Sith and that his former Sith apprentice was utilizing in an attempt to conquer the Galactic Republic." - bit of a run-on there.
 * 6) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:46, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * "HK-47 appeared more than satisfied to be reunited with his master, but later commented that Revan had changed since he had last served him, stating that Revan was more compassionate than before despite the droid's belief that Revan was just as capable." - I suspect that you're alluding to his capacity for... "evil" I suppose, but it should be elaborated on or rephrased.
 * 8) **Rephrased. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:46, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * "HK-47 and the HK-50s intervened on the Exile's behalf and destroyed their former employer." - Wait, so G0-T0 is the HK-50s' former employer? This should be mentioned earlier... if it already is, I apologise.
 * 10) **Sorry I did forget to mention that earlier. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:46, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) *Tis all. Thefourdotelipsis 11:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) That particular droid's proper name is G0-T0 with zeros, not GO-TO. SinisterSamurai 03:31, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) *Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:54, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) *Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:54, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is there a succession box for "owners of HK-47"? I think there were at least 7 and it would be useful to have. This isn't an objection but could you look into it? Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * Not objection-worthy, but aren't there any other pictures of HK? 'Cause right now there are only images of him standing still, and I would like to see him shooting stuff :P QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * I've since gotten some nice images from Redemption up on the page of HK in action. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 06:02, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * You might want to mention in the BTS that he is mentioned in the CSWE. His entry is listed as "HK-47 droid".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:37, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

Darth Caedus

 * Nominated by: Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Over a year later, it's finally done. It'll probably take that long to pass, too. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) On the proviso the FF get added --Eyrezer 06:44, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Seems fine to me  Lele Mj New_Jedi_Order.svg ( Holoprojetor ) 23:38, May 6, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Timeline
 * 2) * The section "still the student" reads: "He did not leave immediately, however. He spent some time instructing other Jedi, among them Nelani Dinn, whom he trained in lightsaber combat." This seems to suggest that he instructed Nelani before he set out on his journey, although Betrayal claims that this occurred in 33 ABY. It's a bit confusing as it currently reads.
 * 3) **Betrayal's statement that it was "seven years ago" that he trained her is an artifact of Betrayal's original setting in 37 ABY; after it was removed, some time references had to be rewritten and this one wasn't caught. The same rewrite was responsible for the mixup saying Zekk was younger than Jaina; one of their ages got corrected but not the other. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I know that, but the sentence, as it currently reads, still seems to imply that he instructed Nelani before he left, which hasn't been established in canon, and is thus conjecture. The "seven years ago" statement is really a currently unresolved continuity issue, and I think it warrants a note in "Behind the scenes", just as in Nelani Dinn's article. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Well, it implies that because that's obviously the situation. We know there's a timing error; we know that if we read it as a leftover mistake, it makes sense; we know if we read it as correct it makes no sense (Jacen is randomly heading back to train random Jedi in lightsaber technique, but refuses to see his parents even though he misses them?). It's a mistake, pure and simple. Just like all the stuff that's supposedly twenty years ago in Patterns of Force; we know it's not because it doesn't make sense and the book is riddled with timeline errors. It's a good idea to note it in the BTS, though, and I've done that.
 * 6) *****Awesome. Really well-done paragraph in BTS. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Also, what's the basis for claiming that Jacen didn't set out on his journey until 30 ABY? Is it the consistent use of "five-year journey" in post-NJO novels? Even with that in mind, it still seems like conjecture on your part, unless it's been explicitly stated that he waited a year to leave.
 * 8) **It's the five-year journey bit, yes. It would be conjecture for me to say he left right away and all the other sources calling it five years were wrong on the assumption or inference that he had to have left in a matter of days right after TUF. Though that seems to be the vague assumption that the material kind of forwarded by not explicitly saying he hung around a while before leaving, other than the thing with Nelani, it's only a vague inference whereas the more specific references tell explicitly against it. I'm just working with what canon established. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Maybe source the "30 ABY" in that sentence, and make a note of it in the reference? A note establishing that the novel(s) sourced indicate it was a five-year journey. That would clear up confusion, and make it clear to everyone that it's bsaed on in-novel statements and is not conjecture. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ****It's already sourced to The Joiner King, which establishes that it was a five-year journey that ended in 35 ABY. There's not really any more sourcing needed -- if anything that might be questioned as "is that an inference or a guess or right in the text?" had to get sourced and noted, there would be twenty refs saying "No, that's in there," in each paragraph. I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's really necessary or practical. Havac 20:18, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *****Yeah, you're right. For completeness's sake, I'd suggest adding in a couple more sources immediately after "Jacen set out in 35 ABY" (other novels which call it a five-year journey), but that's just a preference of mine, not a requirement. Cheers. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Ditto claiming that he visited the Baran Do Sages in 34 ABY --- Outcast states that he visited them near the end of his journey, but does it actually explicitly state that it was in 34 ABY? If not, then 34 ABY seems like conjecture based on the idea of The Joiner King taking place at the very beginning of 35 ABY.
 * 13) **The Baran Do, in 43 ABY, say he visited them nine years ago. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***My mistake! Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Some image captions end in punctuation while others don't.
 * 16) **Those which are complete sentences end in punctuation; those that aren't don't. Image caption policy. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *I'm pretty nitpicky about timeline things, but a very well-done and extensively researched article with a fantastic use of images. Excellent job, Havac. Menkooroo 03:09, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thank you. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * The fourth paragraph of "Deep doubts" reads: "When five beetles menaced a pair of vulnerable Vors, however, he was forced to kill. More beetles were drawn to his lightsaber, forcing him to throw it away and run." I think it's worth mentioning that it was Droma who convinced him to throw the lightsaber. Droma was part of the expedition, and was the one who realized that they were attracted to light sources. Menkooroo 20:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **You just love Droma, don't you Jeff? I've added in a mention. Havac 01:44, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Damn right I do. But I also did legitimately feel like the paragraph was incomplete. Feel the Ryn love! Menkooroo 03:46, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Why do I sometimes drop into the FAN page for some ultimately minor and random objection?
 * 23) * Maybe mention somewhere his preference of darker coloured clothing/furnishings during his time as Sith Lord? I believe his GA office was almost completely black, as were his robes and weird armor-ish stuff he wore underneath. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **I've added a notation on the clothes, which is a good catch. I can't find anything about the office. If you come up with a quote, let me know. Havac 23:21, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure it was somewhere, possibly in early FOTJ or LOTF, but I can't be sure. Never mind then, and apologies for not attending to this objection earlier. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:22, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) Me again.
 * 27) * Hey Hav, could you add something to Bts about ? Miniatures too if you want to, links and.
 * 28) **I actually took care of this under the Sofixit clause. I'm leaving my below question, though, as I think it might actually be a policy that individual issues need to be referenced, and not story arcs. Although I could be confusing it with a similar but different policy. I'd take care of it myself, but I'm trade-waiting for Invasion. Menkooroo 12:06, January 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) ***It was a good writeup, but I've moved the paragraph for minor layout purposes, and I've cut out the Miniatures information, as it's not particularly notable for a major EU character to have minis and so doesn't really merit a writeup. The action figure stuff is noteworthy, though. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * You've cited a few story arcs in Legacy and Invasion --- can you source the individual issues? For example, what's currently reference #104 is a link to Star Wars Legacy: Vector --- how do you feel about changing it to Star Wars Legacy 31: Vector, Part 12? Menkooroo 14:07, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) **I don't source to issues, for a couple reasons. One is that it's too small a thing to cite to -- it creates a clutter of citations for small increments of a story, like citing chapters in a book. The other is that the story isn't presented for posterity in issue form -- it's collected in story form in trades. So there's no way for most people to even know what issue anything is from. And there's no rule requiring citation by issue, because of those limitations. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Ah, cool. I must have been mixing it up with a different policy. Also, I'd give the article a full review, but I'll be reading YJK relatively soon (I swear!) and naturally want to be unspoiled. Menkooroo 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) Eyrezer:
 * 34) * "Left once more in torture which ceased only when the Embrace of Pain had pushed him to his absolute limits and had to allow him to recover." This sentence seems incomplete. Is it meant to lead in to the following sentence? --Eyrezer 02:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) **Reworded. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * "Solo was deeply worried about his vision, and used a Fallanassi memory rub to suppress Skywalker's memories that he had been on Hapes, traveling to Endor and spending time camping in order to lead his apprentice to believe that they had gone on the Endor trip exactly as planned." What do you mean by the bit after "on Hapes"? Is it replacing them with memories of going to Endor, or did they actually go? --Eyrezer 12:57, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) **Clarified. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * "a man held several individuals hostage at gunpoint, and had another man and high explosives strapped to his back." Should this be "with high explosives strapped to his back"? --Eyrezer 23:43, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) **No, he had both high explosives and a man strapped to his back. I've clarified it. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * You also seem to be missing some links/sources from WotC, such as this one. Some of the Jedi Counseling too. --Eyrezer 01:14, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) **I've added that one and a few more. But I can't see the point of adding a dozen Q&As about a Jacen mini's vitality points or whether he can be used in a squad with Jaina -- it's purely gameplay mechanics. They're not talking about the character; they're talking about a minifigure. It's like including every Hasbro shipping manifest with Luke's name on it in his article. I don't believe we include Jedi Counseling. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * You also have no Fact Files listed as sources,ie 118. I also suspect there must be more Insider articles that mention Jacen, such as 20 Most Memorable Moments of the Expanded Universe, The 100 Greatest Things About Star Wars... Ever!, and The New Jedi Order in 100 Easy Lessons. He also has entries in the second and third editions of A Guide to the Star Wars Universe. --Eyrezer 01:34, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) **I'll ask Jaymach about Fact Files, but I can't possibly know every single Insider article that mentions him. Unless someone brings me something with him in it, I can't prove the negative that no article has something about him, and it's not like we include every single namecheck of a character in a wholly OOU article anyway. If someone can point out something specific that includes Jacen and either includes actual information or is about IU reality, I'll add it. GTTSWU is added, too. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ***The idea of those Insider articles is that they point to his OOU notability. Can you add something to the Bts based on 20 Most Memorable Moments of the Expanded Universe and The 100 Greatest Things About Star Wars... Ever!? It could fit nicely near the part where you say he is among relatively few from the Expanded Universe to receive his own action figure. Galaxy of Intrigue has a whole section on him re the GAG too, although nothing particularly notable. --Eyrezer 23:31, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****I've gone through GOI, and yeah, nothing to add. I've also added 20 Most Memorable Moments in, and am still looking for a copy of 100 Greatest Things. Havac 04:00, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) * There is also some info from The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett you should add. --Eyrezer 02:00, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) **Added. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) Nayayen
 * 49) * Target from birth: "they were nearly captured before Mara Jade intervened" Context on Mara Jade?
 * 50) **Added. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) * It isn't obvious what the Galaxy gun is capable of (and, hence, why they needed to escape).
 * 52) **Well, it's got "gun" in the name and the station was targeted with it. What more do you need to know? Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) * (just after the image of Kun) "Organa Solo succeeded in rescuing Anakin" I had to read back up the article to see why/where she was rescuing him. "from the Imperial Remnants" and/or "from Anoth" would probably do.
 * 54) **It's in the last paragraph, but fine. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * "creation of the Imperial Remnant again sent the adult Solos and Chewbacca scrambling" Again should be moved here because I suspect it is the Solos scrambling that has happened again, rather than the Remnant being created again, although I don't know to be sure.
 * 56) **This "again sent them scrambling". The adverb again is modifying the verb it's next to, sent, and not the subject, creation, well up the sentence. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) * The Empire Reborn: What's a hold-father? I (despite being reasonably knowledgeable as a Wookieepedian) had to click the link to find out what a few words could have said.
 * 58) **But that's why there's a link. The article can't be a dictionary entry on every word Jacen comes in contact with. You don't see an encyclopedia going out of its way to define "godfather" every time it comes up in another article. And what can I really say? "Hethrir claimed to be Jacen's hold-father, the Star Wars universe equivalent of a godfather"? There's no real way to concisely define it; the term relies entirely on the intuitive link to the fact that it's a stand-in for a godfather. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * You use "spirited away" near the end of each of the first two paragraphs which seems a bit repetitive (or maybe that's because I'm thinking of the film every time I read it =D).
 * 60) **Good catch. Changed up. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 61) * "she had Winter take them to Anoth for the duration of the crisis" Did they actually do anything while they were there? I don't know most of the source material so I'm not actually sure, I assume not though.
 * 62) **No, that's the extent of it. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) * "and once more sneaked onto the landing above the living room" When did they sneak up there before?
 * 64) **When they noticed Mara Jade. I added that. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) * "announced its control of the mysterious "starbuster" superweapon" I can only guess from reading Betrayal that this is Centerpoint Station but it is not at all obvious here.
 * 66) **Well, they didn't know that it was Centerpoint either. They learn that later. At the moment, it's just a mysterious superweapon. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Just because they don't know that it is Centerpoint doesn't mean the reader shouldn't. It isn't obvious that the "mysterious "starbuster" weapon" is Centerpoint. I think a link to Centerpoint here would be beneficial (keeping the second link).  NAYAYEN : TALK 07:46, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Linked. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) *I'll continue with "Jedi Training" later. Only 7 more of the 8 massive sections to go...  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  13:55, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) **Thanks for the review. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) * Student of the force: "Outside, they found that a massive beast had emerged from the jungle" Link for the "massive beast"?
 * 72) **To what? There's no article, and the book doesn't say what it is. It's just some beast. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) ***Sorry, I didn't know that it wasn't identified in the book.  NAYAYEN : TALK 10:36, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) * Temptation at the shadow academy: "Solo hit upon the idea of using his Corusca gem, still secreted in his boot" When did he hide it in his boot. This is the only time boot appears in the whole article.
 * 75) **That's the idea. He gets his gem, he's captured, and his gem is in his boot. That way we don't break up his capture with play-by-play about him fiddling with his shoes when you can just as easily introduce the fact when it becomes relevant. I took out "still" so it's clearer. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) * The search for Bornan Thul: "They were saved by the intervention of Raabakyysh" And he was there why?
 * 77) **Clarified, though Kevin J. Anderson does not deign to make his books make much sense. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) * Making peace: "the ship narrowly avoided several mines." Can you clarify at this point that the mines weren't some part of the race to make it more interesting?
 * 79) **Clarified. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) * "The woman introduced herself as Anja Gallandro . . . systems in the area had killed Gallandro." Who is the second Gallandro? Her father? Also, it isn't clear which one gets killed and is then being referred to later. You can probably do this with the "daughter of an accomplished gunfighter" sentence.
 * 81) **The second Gallandro is her father, the gunfighter Han Solo killed. Thus the male pronoun, the link, the fact that this Gallandro ends up dead, which is the complaint of the person of the opposite sex who's still there, etc, etc. This is the clearest possible way to do it without trying to tack a bunch more clauses into the sentence. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) * Battling Black Sun: "and Gallandro's addiction, suggested that her destination was Kessel." Why would her addiction suggest Kessel?
 * 83) **Spelled out. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) *Not quite so many in this section but don't forget that last objection of mine earlier.  NAYAYEN : TALK 13:28, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) Just a few bits of odd phrasing:
 * 86) * “Feeling Rhysode's battle in the Force, Solo rushed from the pool to help him, but was cut off by Vergere. She insisted that if he went to the other Jedi's aid, both would die. He must honor Rhysode's sacrifice by escaping with his life.”
 * 87) **Fixed. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) * “Kre'fey's forces continued to make experience-building raids on relatively weak Yuuzhan Vong targets, building experience for two months.”
 * 89) **Ugh. Yeah, fixed. Havac
 * 90) *Still reading, though... Thefourdotelipsis 01:05, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) A Pound of Flesh:
 * 92) * "it became clear that Zekk had been recruited by the Shadow Academy, a Force-sensitive whom the twins had never even suspected." Who was the Force-sensitive you speak of, the Shadow Academy? Please clarify.
 * 93) **Awkwardly-placed appositive relocated. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) * "A branch had given way and plunged Chewbacca lower, breaking his leg. She had been visited by Zekk, who warned her away from the academy, claiming it would be struck soon, before departing." Not sure who the "she" is of whom you are speaking, since the preceding sentence is about Chewbacca.
 * 95) **Clarified. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) * "One, piloted by the Lost Ones leader Norys, relentlessly pursued the Lightning Rod back into atmosphere&mdash;where Norys was shot down by Qorl, who was leading the TIE assault on the Praxeum, for insubordination and disobedience." For whose insubordination and disobedience? The Praxeum's? Please clarify.
 * 97) **Norys was shot down by Qorl (appositive on Qorl) for insubordination and disobedience. What's not clear? Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) *More coming, up to "The Diversity Alliance." —Tommy 9281 15:26, May 6, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Yes, I know. Redlinks. They'll be eliminated. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * I count 23 18  16  6 zero, some of which can probably be pointed to existing pages as I've done with several already. ( Airship, board game , coraltree basal , Corellian Space Defense Force , dazzle-grenade , Dragon's Teeth , electroencephaloscan , fighting-sight , Font of Power , Garqi Resistance , grand marshal , ion shield generator , Legal and Legislative Department , medical runner , Mind Walking , mirror illusion , Mists of Forgetfulness , Pool of Knowledge , railcar , safety stick , Star Wars: The New Jedi Order Round-Robin Interview , Throne of Balance , and twin bond , for easy reference.) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:25, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * Some more: actuator, Corellian villa, court-martial, You Bet I Love Jedi, Talkin' Jedi With JD, Champions of the Force Previews 7: Solo Twins and Jedi Sentinel --Eyrezer 00:43, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * I trust you will update the article with any new info from the Star Wars: Invasion comics?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:01, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Of course. Havac 20:26, October 10, 2009 (UTC)

Antares Draco

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 08:38, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The dude punched Cade in the motha-kriffin' face!

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks solid to me&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:01, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Great character, great article --Jinzler 18:33, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Because one of us has to support this karkin thing at some point ;) —Tommy  9281 00:27, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Quick glance&hellip;
 * 2) * Please use the Cite web template for all external links.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:59, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I've added five external links using that template --- let me know if they're OK. Menkooroo 04:23, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I apologize, I also meant the references and notes.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****OK, I think I got it right this time. Menkooroo 15:36, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Cool. Thanks for taking care of this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:09, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Blacklist:
 * 8) * You state in the article that Draco earned the title of "Imperial Master," but nothing links to it. I would suggest creating the page since there is enough info to warrant a distinction between that rank and that of Imperial Knight. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 03:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **That's an interesting idea. I think what I might do instead is do some maintenace on the IK article itself, and create a section entitled "Training", with a subsection about mastery, and then link there. There's really only a single sentence on "mastery" within the IK's in the LECG, and the term "Imperial Master" itself would be a conjectural one. I'll write here again tomorrow when I've done that. Menkooroo 15:26, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **Oooooookay. The first instance of "Master" in the article is now linked to the Mastery section of Imperial Knight. I did this rather than create a new article because Imperial Knight is about the order, not the title, unlike Jedi Knight, which is about the title. Menkooroo 10:03, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) ***My apologies. —Tommy 9281 04:47, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Later, Draco was in the Imperial Knights quarters on Bastion, and along with Masters Dare, Hogrum Chalk, and Emperor Fel, observed a sparring match between Masters Krieg and Rae that was being supervised by Master Treis Sinde." This has absolutely nothing to do with the sentence that follows, "Draco then joined a contingent of Imperial Knights and accompanied the Emperor and the Princess to Agamar in order to conduct peace talks with the Jedi Order." Please bridge the two of them with some sort of relevance, or else do something with the first one, because it actually seems quite pointless anyway.
 * 13) **I've reworded the sentences and jettisoned some extraneous info. I think it looks better now, but the two points aren't necessarily linked... the only way to do that, I think, would be to go into a tangent about how Azlyn was testing out her new armor for the upcoming mission to Agamar, so in an effort to keep it relevant, I did some rewording instead. How's it look? Menkooroo 10:49, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Fine. —Tommy 9281 00:27, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Sinde reminded Draco of his duty to the Emperor. Draco longingly stared at his love as he gave the order for the shuttle to lift off." Is his love the Emperor?
 * 16) **Maybe in a slash fic. :^D Reworded. Menkooroo 10:49, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) *That's it. —Tommy 9281 00:47, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) Jinzler
 * 19) * Draco's stats in the Legacy Era Campaign Guide reveal that he knew telekinesis. You should mention this in the P&A section --Jinzler
 * 20) **I had it listed as "levitation", but telekinesis is a better (and the proper!) name for it. Checking the LECG also revealed that Draco knows the Force shield talent, which I added. Holla! Menkooroo 12:55, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) *Other than that, it looks pretty goooood --Jinzler 13:19, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) **High praise indeed from someone who FA'd another Draco. I mean... another Dracoooooooo. Menkooroo 12:55, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) Attack of the Clone
 * 24) * "an acceptance that brought him into conflict with fellow Imperial Knights Krieg and Azlyn Rae": "acceptance" really does not sound like the right word choice here.
 * 25) * "At that moment, Calixte revealed herself to be in the room with them and eavesdropping": something's not working here; please try to reword.
 * 26) * "Draco accompanied Fel as he arrived on-planet, along with fellow Imperial Knights Sigel Dare and Draco's trusted friend Ganner Krieg." You imply that both are Knights, but the wording only confirms that Dare is one. Please clarify.
 * 27) * "and had rendezvoused with Jedi Knights Wolf Sazen and Astraal's brother, Shado Vao": same issue as above, just with the Jedi Knights.
 * 28) * "Draco's reasoning was that he loved her, to which her response was simply: "I know."'" Please try as much as possible not to use direct quotes in this manner. Blended quotes (i.e. On Geonosis, Rex was adamant against "turning tail and running" with his men'') are fine, but most others are slightly unprofessional.
 * 29) * "When Sazen attempted to return to the battle, Draco held him back, insisting that Marasiah's life was more important than anyone else's. Frantic, Draco revealed that the Massacre at Ossus had happened against the Emperor's orders and convinced Sazen to do whatever he could to heal her." Is something missing here? The implication of Sazen being upset over the Massacre at Ossus is implied but never expanded upon, and Draco's own "franticness" seems to come out of the blue.
 * 30) * "Fel summoned Draco and Kried": to where?
 * 31) * Context on the Wheel.
 * 32) *Have to continue with "Journey to the Hidden Temple" later because of time constraints.  CC7567  (talk) 21:47, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) **Addressed everything above. Let me know what ya think. Menkooroo 06:02, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) *As a note, please watch how you capitalize ranks and titles.
 * 35) * "Undercover, Rae confronted Skywalker as he visited his uncle, "Bantha" Rawk&mdash;formerly the Jedi Knight Nat Skywalker&mdash;on Iego, and claimed to be a bounty hunter." Who claimed to be a bounty hunter? I know that you're trying to indicate Skywalker did so, but the phrasing doesn't make it clear.
 * 36) **Actually, I meant Rae. Good catch. Menkooroo 08:26, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) * "Cloaking their ship, the Imperial Knights followed the Mynock to the Hidden Temple and landed at the base behind their quarry." What base?
 * 38) *Watch your dash usage, please. "---" is in no way a proper substitute for either the em or the en dash.
 * 39) **Did I miss any? There are only single dashes left, in words like "Empire-in-Exile". Menkooroo 09:17, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) ***No, it's fine. I was just pointing it out to you so that you can be aware of it in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 22:29, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * "Accompanied by both Skywalkers, Sazen, and Vao, they appeared before Jedi Masters K'Kruhk, Tr'a Saa, and Tili Qua": who's "they"?
 * 42) * Please be consistent on using either "Rawk" or "Skywalker" for Nat throughout the entire article&mdash;including when you first mention him&mdash;unless it's absolutely necessary to mention his second name. It's getting rather confusing as it is having to distinguish between the Skywalkers.
 * 43) **Agreed. I originally didn't name him as a Skywalker, but another Inq changed it a few months back. I've re-jettisoned it. Menkooroo 08:26, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * Please clarify the "TIE predators"/"TIE Predators" capitalization. Consistency is your friend and an important part in writing.
 * 45) * Please limit your excessive usage of "explored" in the Mission to Had Abbadon section.
 * 46) * Please clarify the TwinTail italicization&mdash;that article does not italicize it, and the MOS itself does not support it.
 * 47) *Will continue with "Peace talks on Agamar" once these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) **Addressed everything above. Thanks for the copy-edit, too. But I did change two sentences back to how they were post-objection but pre-copy-edit: adding "the latter of whom was Draco's trusted friend/Astraal's brother" to the end of a sentence seems to unnecessarily drag the sentence out. But thanks for the copy-edit and the corrections; much-appreciated. Menkooroo 08:26, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) * "Later, Draco was on Bastion, and, along with Masters Dare, Hogrum Chalk, and Emperor Fel, observed a sparring match between Masters Krieg and Rae that was happening under the direction of Master Treis Sinde." The "was happening" part is overall colloquial and rather confusing as to the chronology of the events.
 * 50) * "Antares Draco's service to the Empire saw him follow in the footsteps of his forefathers; one of his ancestors was a member of the Galactic Empire's Inquisitorius." Why is this in the P&T and not the Bio?
 * 51) * "As of 137 ABY, Draco was the second-in-command of the Imperial Knights; behind Roan Fel, he was the highest-ranking member of the organization and was at the head of its disciplined command structure, a position he earned through years of hard work, discipline, and loyalty." For the most part, same as above.
 * 52) * This is probably the only formatting objection I'm going to make, but please check this reference, as it doesn't seem to be quite correct:
 * 53) * Please fix that missing reference.
 * 54) * "Draco's belief that listening to the Force and heeding one's insights were paramount helped craft him into a cunning, loyal, and very competent warrior." Something isn't matching up here and is interrupting the flow.
 * 55) * "he doubted that their relationship could work": can you rephrase this somehow? It's rather colloquial and confusing.
 * 56) * Context on Palpatine&mdash;yes, context is needed in the Bts, too.
 * 57) **(Hopefully) addressed everything above. Thanks again. Menkooroo 09:17, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) *I will be going through this once more after these are fixed. Additionally, please make sure to get my attention after you have updated it with the last issue of Monster so that I can review that as well. (As Cylka noted, that is one of the reasons why many Inqs discourage nominations that do not adhere to Rule 5 because it creates more problems for both them and the nominator.)  CC7567  (talk) 19:12, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) **Will do. I suspect he'll probably be in Legacy 48 as well. Regarding Rule 5, there are a few other Legacy characters that are FA'd, including another prominent Imperial Knight. Just following precedent, is all. Menkooroo 09:17, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) ***For now, I think it's best if I just review the newer info from the last Monster issue and do a second review overall at the same time to be more efficient. Please make sure to contact me when the article is updated.  CC7567  (talk) 22:29, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era.
 * Updated for Issue 43 of Legacy. Menkooroo 13:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * And for Issue 45. Menkooroo 13:02, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * As he is a recurring character in an ongoing comic series, I'd suggest that you re-evaluate how well he adheres to FAN Rule 5 of stability if you haven't already done so. The amount that this article has the potential to change over the next few months could slow down the review process, to say the least.  CC7567  (talk) 21:49, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've been consistently updating the article the day after a new issue is released, and will continue to do so. Also, historically, Draco's played a big role in a bunch of issues and then disappeared for a year or so. Sure, we can't count on that, but even if he does keep taking center stage, I'll still update the article accordingly. Menkooroo 06:02, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm going to butt in here for just a moment. I agree that you have been updating, but the problem is that it is difficult for us to support the article if it needs to be updated repeatedly since we need to review every time you update. That is what CC is trying to say, I believe. This will definitely slow down, if not halt, the review process, especially since there is a possibility that Draco will continue appearing in the Monster story arc. This is simply something that we want you to be aware of. Cylka  -talk- 16:00, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm Ok with that. It's not like this article is going to pass before Monster is over, anyway. Menkooroo 16:21, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Then perhaps you should opt to take the nomination down at least until Monster has concluded. Just a suggestion. —Tommy 9281 21:12, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, Monster will be over in three weeks. I'd prefer not to shunt this nom back to the bottom of the list, where a nom can take months before getting a single review. I'm just following past precedent; Treis Sinde is an FA and has actually appeared more than Draco in the past fifteen months --- is the need for an FA to be updated any different than the need for a FAN to be updated? Menkooroo 14:08, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Point. For now, I'll follow suit with the clone and give another review after the end of Monster. —Tommy 9281 14:15, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Much appreciated! And the suggestion, too; there are admittedly quite a few policies that I haven't quite mastered the specifics of. Out of genuine curiosity --- if an FA'd character such as Jaina, Jag, Sinde, or Nihl appears in new media, are the inq's who supported its nom supposed to review the new stuff? Or once it passes, is it assumed that the nominator can be trusted to update it at an FA-level of quality? Menkooroo 14:19, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * The second scenario you mentioned applies. If it is found to be lacking, then it goes up on the chopping block. —Tommy 9281 14:30, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Updated for Legacy 46. I mentioned it on CC's talk page, but I'll reiterate here: Even though new info about Draco is coming in the next arc, leaving this nom on the FAN page assures article quality, as it forces me to keep it up-to-date and invites objections to anything that could be improved. The only party who receives any detriments is me, really, as it prevents me from adding any additional noms. If the article were promoted to FA status prior to Issue 49's release, you have my guarantee that I would continue to keep it updated, just as similar FA'd Legacy articles like Treis Sinde are. If not, I'm willing to wait a few more months. Menkooroo 03:51, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Uthar Wynn

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part 6 of "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR".

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:06, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:07, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) You've done a nice job, Kasra, and I'm happy to support this article. However, it's no secret that KOTOR articles like this one are severe crap magnets for noobs, and it's alarming how many former KOTOR articles were once FAs and were stripped of their status because they fell below standards. I would like to stress upon you the need to monitor this article regularly to ensure it maintains its present quality. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:11, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy has something to say here, too
 * 2) * Footnote 6 (first of BtS) gives some strange error.
 * 3) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * a "full" Sith. "Inverted commas" are not liked in FA's; could you replace them? If it's a direct quotation, you could say "becoming what Wynn called a full Sith"; otherwise, they must be removed altogether.
 * 5) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * to kill Selene, the woman that accompanied Dustil at the Academy. Selene has been given context before; you can remove the last part.
 * 7) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Unfortunately for Wynn, Revan sided with Ban, having befriended her. Enraged, Wynn went on the attack Again: You've just said that they were friends. Besides: "the" attack? What attack? "Sided with Ban" can easily be understood as merely not attacking her and walking to her side; you should specify whether Revan and/or Ban initiated an attack against Wynn.
 * 9) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * P&T: I guess we do not know when did Wynn tattoo himself: Before becoming headmaster, as a consequence of it...
 * 11) **No, nothing is known about this&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * P&T: First mention to Thalia May and the renegade students. Shouldn't they be mentioned in the Bio? Same for the rogue assassin droid.
 * 13) **I don't know. If I add these instances, I have to add every quest that Revan undertook on Korriban, for 100% game completion. These are relevant in the P&T section, since it explains how Wynn is gullible. Please advise.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:53, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:51, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *No more to come. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:11, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Cylka's first look:
 * 17) * In the Jedi Civil War's final year, the Jedi Padawan traveled to Korriban - You need to state who this Jedi Padawan is in the intro. It seems to me that you are missing a sentence or two here.
 * 18) **Please try it. Can't believe this escaped my notice for so long.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:16, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) * I believe that you should add in the GameLSmechanics template since a player does not need to complete either the Thalia May or droid quest to gain enough prestige. This may mean that you will need to rework the section involving the tasks Revan needed to complete in order to gain prestige. There were quite a few of them. Also the template is needed for Ban's return to the Jedi Order.
 * 20) **True. Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:16, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * I think that it would be a good idea to somehow incorporate what Wynn said to each of the hopefuls at the very beginning, when he met them. It would give more depth to his character.
 * 22) **Added a little to the JCW section and more to the P&T.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * I also think that you need to add information from the Double-cross and Double-double-cross quests. This is importsnt in order to show how Wynn planned on disposing of Ban and also why he was weakened during the fight with Ban and Revan.
 * 24) **Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) * It would be a good idea to add in that Revan's tasks in Sadow's tomb were to be his "final exam." Also, if I remember correctly, Wynn talks a bit at that time and that may be something else that would give a bit more depth to his character.
 * 26) **Got the final exam, will re-read the dialogue files and add as needed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:16, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) ***I think it's good, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * Please take care of these objections and I'll take another look at the article. So far, so good. I just think it needs to have a bit more information added. Cylka  -talk- 13:11, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) **I'll scrounge around for more info in the files, please advise if anything else is needed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) Cylka's second look:
 * 31) * In the infobox, were the Sith hopefuls actually considered apprentices? As far as I know, Yuthura Ban was the only real apprentice.
 * 32) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) * Because of his disdain for his father, Onasi became a promising student. - Is this right? Dustil didn't like his father, but was that what drove him to be a promising student?
 * 34) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) * In the Jedi Civil War section I think that you should use Dustil's and Carth's first names since you mention two Onasi men. Just for clarification.
 * 36) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) * This distressed Wynn, who felt that such an emotional entanglement would hinder Onasi's progress. - I don't think it was as much the actual emotional entanglement, as much as that she simply wasn't powerful enough. Please clarify that a little more.
 * 38) **Wynn's datapad actually says that it was Dustil's degree of affection for Selene that was slowing down his training.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) * When Wynn welcomed the hopefuls he spoke a little about the dark side he saw in each of them. Maybe you could expand this a little.
 * 40) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * I think that you need to add in that Revan could only access the Star Map if he was accepted for academy training - in order to give a little more context on why Revan needed to enter the academy in the first place.
 * 42) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) * You need to expand the double-cross section a little bit more - specifically, what was the importance i.e. Revan betrayed Ban to gain a bit more prestige, and then conspired with Ban to weaken Wynn at the final exam. As it stands, the section doesn't explain much. Basically, you want to give context to the section quote.
 * 44) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:43, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) * You need to explain specifically why Wynn gave Revan the tasks to accomplish. And did he give them to Revan only, or all of the hopefuls?
 * 46) **He gave them all these tasks, and he only did it to gain more prestige.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * I would add in a little more about the other tasks that would earn prestige with Wynn - such as the holocron quest with Lashowe. You don't need to detail the quests, just simply their outcome. They are all part of revan's interactions with Wynn.
 * 48) **Added a couple more quests, and Wynn's reactions.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) * You should add in a bit more about Wynn's death. He some more dialog during that scene and it would give his character a bit more depth.
 * 50) **Added a little more on his death.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:43, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) * The sub-section name "Endgame" sounds a bit too much like game-mechanics. Maybe you could change it to something like "Defeat" or "Death" or something along those lines.
 * 52) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) * I would remove the info about the Ebon Hawk since it is not needed. Simply talk about the Exile exploring the Valley of the Dark Lords.
 * 54) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * I would also suggest that you remove mention of Kreia being Darth Traya. Again, it adds unnecessary information and you would need more context for it. Simply refer to her as Kreia.
 * 56) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) * He was not opposed to slavery; when Revan asked the Sith Master about his companions, Wynn said that Revan's "slaves" were irrelevant - This needs a little bit more context. Maybe add the context in the Bio.
 * 58) **Done, I think.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * Wynn was reluctant to talk about his past - If I recall, he mentioned something as to why his past was unimportant.
 * 60) **No, he only said that Revan did not need to know any other info.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 61) * He believed that Naga Sadow was the greatest of Korriban's deceased Dark Lords. - This sentence is sort of tacked onto the end of the paragraph and doesn't really fit well there. Try to place it somewhere else.
 * 62) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:43, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) * The syntax in the Bts doesn't match up. Please look it over.
 * 64) **Still working on this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:43, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ***OK, I believe this is good, please see how it is.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *Take care of these objections and I'll have another look. Cylka  -talk- 15:40, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) Pasta-by:
 * 68) * Error in the references.
 * 69) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:33, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) * The succession box is not complete and needs to be cited to sources that provide dates along with those that provide the fact that the position was held.
 * 71) **The only problem is that there are no specific dates. All we know is that Uln was in charge of the Academy when Revan and Malak recaptured Korriban, and that as tome point during the war, Wynn took it from him, and this could have happened at any point.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:33, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) ***Fair enough, but with only one other individual and no unique information regarding time, it is completely irrelevant. I've removed it from both articles. If an Inq disagrees, I will speak with them, but I am saying it is irrelevant and unnecessary as it pushes the line of proper succ-box usage. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:41, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:47, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) Third time's the charm:
 * 75) * You need to add in something about Revan's companions the first time that Revan talks to Wynn. Otherwise, wynn talking about Revan's allies in the next paragraph doesn't make much sense. Also, make sure to mention that Wynn believed that they were his slaves.
 * 76) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) * When Wynn welcomes the students, please add in that the first of them that gains enough prestige will be worthy of becoming a Sith. That will make things clearer later. I also removed Kel Algwinn as a student since he was already a student at the academy.
 * 78) **Please try it, and yeah, I completely forgot that Algwinn was already there. Thanks---Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) * After learning the Sith Code from Ban, Revan went to Wynn and finished the code as he spoke it. - Please clarify this sentence. I know what it means only because I have played the game.
 * 80) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * After some thought, I believe that the part about Revan and Carth convining Dustil to turn away from the Sith and leave the academy needs to fall under the section. I can't find any confirmation that this is canon, or that Carth was one of the companions on Korriban. The cut content from TSL won't count as confirmation.
 * 82) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) * After Malak's death at Revan's hands, the remaining Sith on Korriban fought over the right to rule the Sith. The Sith then turned on one another. - Please rewrite this a bit since the second sentence pretty much sounds the same as the first.
 * 84) **After re-reading it, I feel there's no need for the second sentence, so I removed it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) * Please rewrite the intro a bit. The second paragraph seems to be focused too much on Revan.
 * 86) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) *Much better, Kasra! You're almost there. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 18:23, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) **Thanks, Cylka!--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) Final details - Please rewrite the second paragraph of the intro a little bit to reflect the changes in the article. Specifically, it needs to be explained what exactly the prestige is all about and that Wynn taking Revan to the tomb was part of his final test. This paragraph is a bit choppy and needs to be smoothed out. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 17:45, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 90) *Think I got it, please let me know if anything else is needed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:56, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) Stuff:
 * 92) * Kun did not form the Brotherhood; your pipelink in the body needs to be fixed. All I have.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:36, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **Done. Thanks for you review.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:38, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) Cav:
 * 95) * Intro: Revan gained the approval for entrance into the Academy from Uln's apprentice Ban, and the Headmaster assigned Ban as Revan's teacher. I thought Ban was Wynn's apprentice at the time, not Uln's, as previously stated?
 * 96) **[smacks head] Darn, I don't know how I missed that one for so long. Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:30, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) * Intro: You mention that Revan avoided the corruption of the Dark Side, then state that he planned to murder Wynn with Ban. Is this not corruption? Or should the actual events surrounding the double-triple-quadruple cross be expanded on a little?
 * 98) **Decided to remove this, not necessarily essential to the intro.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:30, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) * After Revan helped May and the renegades escape Korriban, he lied to Wynn about their fate, impressing Wynn. Why was Wynn impressed? Because of the lie that Revan told him, or because Revan had lied to him? A little more clarity would be appreciated. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:44, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 100) **Removed the "impressed" part altogether and reworded. Thank you for your review, Cav.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:30, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 101) The second half of the "Jedi Civil War" section isn't sounding entirely directly relevant to Wynn. I understand that context is necessary to understand the storyline, but this should not be to the point that this part of the article sounds like it was copied straight from Revan's bio. The context doesn't even have to be presented chronologically, only where it is necessary to understand the rest of the elements of Wynn's biography. Please try to shorten the unnecessary details if possible to stay more focused on Wynn.  CC7567  (talk) 06:28, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) *It's not that I'm ignoring your objection, CC. It's that I'm trying to figure out how to best take care of your objection without removing anything, to ensure the validity of the 100% game completion tag.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:00, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) Eyrezer: why is there only one image of Wynn in the article? They looks to be two others already on the Wook of him. --Eyrezer 02:01, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 104) *I don't really want to use thos other two images of him, If I could take an image from the game and upload it I'd upload an image of Ban and Wynn dueling. But I can't, so.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:00, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Credit goes to Xicer9 for uploading the audio files in the article. Thanks, man.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * I would like to ask why the references to the CSWE keep changing. I think it's essential to list the fact that there is an entry on a character, such as Wynn, in the references, rather than just sourcing it to the CSWE itself. Is it really a big deal to have the reference say ?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Also, sometimes the entry's name differs from the subject. For example, HK-47's entry it listed as "HK-47 droid, Traavis is listed as "Traavis, General", Karath is listed as "Karath, Admiral Saul", etc.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:22, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Vor

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:31, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Short name, long article. One of these species of WP:AS.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) The coolest reptavimammals in the Star Wars galaxy. I eagerly await the next alien from Farlstendoiro. ~ SavageBob 07:17, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 10:19, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Please watch your linking, however.  CC7567  (talk) 04:25, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Intro is way too short.  Xd1358  Talk 18:48, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:06, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 4) * Can you mention that they are a sentient species in the first sentence of the lead? Without the picture, they could be a human race, or even a conglomeration of many species, so it's best to be specific up front.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "reptilian mammals"? Isn't that an oxymoron? Should they be classified as reptomammals? Go with that the sources say, but this was confusing (ah, Star Wars)!
 * 7) **No: Some sources say reptilians, some say mammals, none sais reptomammals; there's a note in BtS about it. Done nothing.
 * 8) * "capable of creating great beauty through their music" --> Do they consider this beauty, or do outsiders, or do both? It would be good to say, so that this line doesn't come off as POV-ish.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * "Unfortunately, the Empire..." --> Be careful of ''unfortunately" inn the lead.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Can you mention what sector their world was in at some point in the article?
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * The images make it seem that other colors than green were possible for their skin (I notice this a lot with Star Wars art; the artists take a lot of leeway with text descriptions).
 * 15) **Done nothing. That could be a light trick or war paints, and the source mentioning skin colors is explicit and determinant.
 * 16) *** Fair point; in that case, can you add something to either BTS or at least a footnote mentioning that images show them with yellows and browns as well? ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Done.
 * 18) * Do the sources call their beak "vestigial"? It's hard to imagine that they didn't still use it, to talk, eat, etc.
 * 19) **Done nothing. Jedi Academy Sourcebook says so explicitly.
 * 20) ***Someone at WEG didn't understand what "vestigial" means, but OK. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * There's some present tense mixed into the "Biology" section, so be careful.
 * 22) **Done.
 * 23) * "Until that time, let no music sound. No pipe shall be blown, nor voiced raised in song. It would be a mockery of our broken sacred place. In silence the first Cathedral was born, so it will be again. Let all heed this command." Should that be "voice" rather than "voiced"? I would just change it myself, but since it's a direct quote, I wanted to be sure.
 * 24) **Done. Good one, btw.
 * 25) * Again, "the voice... was particularly beautiful . . . " In the eye of which beholder?
 * 26) **Done.
 * 27) * Can you combine some of the shorter paragraphs with others? Particularly, the one about the treaty of the Vors being signed and the one about their alignment during the Clone Wars are very short.
 * 28) **Done.
 * 29) * "six other avians" --> I thought they were reptile/mammals, not avians?
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * "so-called Galactic Empire" --> I don't think the "so-called" is necessary; it was the Galactic Empire!
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "ceased to appreciate the visit of aliens." --> This is a bit confusing. Did they stop allowing visitors to come to their planet? Or they just didn't think much of such visits anymore?
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * Ackbar's crash into the Cathedral of the Winds and the aftermath are well described, but the section is pretty long as well and more detailed than any other part of the article. I'd suggest condensing the section considerably and moving the longer version to a new article, titled however you see fit. Ideally, I'd say you need a paragraph about initial overtures and the crash, a paragraph about the Vor reconstruction, a paragraph about the New Republic response (Ackbar's resignation, Wedge and Qwi's visit), and a paragraph about the resolution of the investigation and reopening of the cathedral.
 * 36) **Done!
 * 37) * I'm not sure why Qwi Xux's moving to Vortex is relevant to the species article; I'd suggest cutting this.
 * 38) **Modified, so it mentions that Vors are welcoming visitors once again, which I think is important. What do you think now?
 * 39) ***The article doesn't need the note that her memory of the event was so strong it couldn't be wiped, but it's much better now. ~ SavageBob 00:00, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) *** This objection take a bit closer of a look, so I'll get back to you later today. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * Perhaps the fact that they lack any hair should be mentioned in "Biology and culture"?
 * 42) **Done.
 * 43) * Again, why "so-called" Battle of Vortex? Either it was or wasn't a battle...
 * 44) **Done.
 * 45) * Again, be careful with the "unfortunately" in the description of the battle.
 * 46) **Done.
 * 47) * In the paragraph about the smugglers' alliance, Calrissian, etc., it's unclear how this has anything to do with Vors. I'm guessing one of these characters discussed is a Vor, but could you clarify who?
 * 48) **Done.
 * 49) * Do we have an aerobat article? If not, please link the term and make one. Sounds fun!
 * 50) **Done.
 * 51) * You mention several offworld Vors in the History section (particularly the last few paragraphs); perhaps mention again some of the worlds Vors were known to reside on in the "Vors in the galaxy" section.
 * 52) **Done.
 * 53) * Can you beef up your captions a bit? Also, it might be a good idea to move pictures closer to text to make the images more illustrative. For example, the Cathedral of the Winds image could be moved to the section of the article talking about that structure.
 * 54) **Done.
 * 55) * I'll copy edit the article when I get a chance. Good work so far, as always. ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) **One objection pending. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:14, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) **All done now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) *** Let me copy edit the article, then I will support! ~ SavageBob 00:00, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * "Vor was the name of the only sentient species..." This sounds odd to me. Why the emphasis on their being the only native sentients? Most of our species articles don't do this. I'm also not sure the pronunciation is necessarily; I can't really think of another way to pronounce "Vor" than to rhyme with "for" and "bore."
 * 60) ** Both removed, even if I digress. "only" added to article on Vortex.
 * 61) * Does the Jedi Academy Sourcebook specifically call them avians? Avian redirects to bird, so if so, we need to adjust our articles!
 * 62) ** Page 117. Omniscient narrator might be metaphorical, but I doubt it.
 * 63) ** "The Vors are delicate hollow-bone reptilian avian humanoids who ride the winds on lacy wings"
 * 64) *** Ay-ay-ay... Now they are reptiles, birds, and mammals? C'mon, SW expanded universe authors! :) I suppose that the discussion of their avian-ness should go together where you describe them as mammals and reptiles, then, since they are apparently now part of three families instead of two. I looked up "avian" and, really, the only definition for the word is "of or having to do with birds," so I'm not sure there's any other way. :/ ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ****Give it a try. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:12, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) * You need a source after "with mammalian features." Sorry if I accidentally deleted it in my copy edit. Did I?
 * 67) ** Re-added. Tsk, tsk ·;)
 * 68) * What do you mean by their eyes occasionally being covered by lids? Did some members of the species not have eyelids, or do you mean they sometimes closed their eyes?
 * 69) ** Uh, modified.
 * 70) * Should the bit about their intelligence go under "society and culture"? I think at least the bit about their being able to work together well should, but maybe all of it would fit in better one section down. I may have more as I continue the copy edit. Désolé! ~ SavageBob 06:36, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ** Added info to note why it shouldn't go there. And, feel free to keep going, do you worst `:) Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:31, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) *** Bwahahahaha! :P More to come as I copy edit the other sections, maybe. ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) * OK, in "Society and culture", the first and second paragraphs both basically say that they were seemingly emotionless but not really, and here's why. The third paragraph, too, has some overlap, where you talk about how they try to avoid conflict. I'm wondering if they should be combined, or perhaps rewritten so that you have one paragraph about how they appear to outsiders, then another paragraph about the true situation (about how they stifle their emotions to maintain harmony and work for the big picture). What do you think? ~ SavageBob 19:32, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) **Modified to use 1st paragraph to talk about the alien impression; 2nd to talk about the reality Vors hide, and 3rd for anything else. Tell me if you like it.
 * 75) * "Those winds were very influential on Vor culture." Can you say how?
 * 76) **Hmmm... Don't know what I had in mind when I wrote that. Removed.
 * 77) * "which served as their homeworld before any other consideration." I'm not sure what this means. What other consideration?
 * 78) **Official alien classification: Homeworld instead of trading center, stronghold or anything. Modified. Better?
 * 79) * What does "stethyc" mean? I can't find a definition online. ~ SavageBob 21:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) **Fixed. I went back to the source as I was spellchecking it, and the source said "aesthetic." -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:53, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Was the Cathedral of the Winds only made centuries before 0 BBY? I think the Atlas says that it was millennia before, since it was a Wonder of the Galaxy.
 * 82) ** Atlas supersedes previous sources; modified.
 * 83) * Can you explain "forecasted event"? It was predicted each year? ~ SavageBob 21:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ** "Eagerly awaited"?
 * 85) * Do we know that they sided with the Republic in the Clone Wars, or just that their planet fell in Republic-controlled territory?
 * 86) ** Modified.
 * 87) * Do we know who retired the initial offer to join the New Republic? It would be nice to know whether the Republic or the Vors did this, if the sources specify.
 * 88) ** Sources specify that the Vors did nothing like that. So, it must have been Mothma.
 * 89) * I still think the first paragraph of "New Jedi Order and beyond" is beyond the scope of this article, more appropriate to Vortex maybe. I think it's OK to mention Xux going there and being given the job of her choice, but the fact that Luke came to visit and she was torn up about the flute incident, and Dae'shara-whatever was there, these all seem superfluous. The population is important to note, however.
 * 90) ** OK.
 * 91) * Why did they respect Jaina Solo? Do we know?
 * 92) ** I think because she was a war hero, but OS is not really that specific.
 * 93) * Do we know how the Hutt was treated like a Vor? What does it mean to be treated like a Vor? That would be good info to add if it's known.
 * 94) ** Expanded. Better?
 * 95) * "the threat was weighed up" --> can you elaborate what is meant here? Will get to the final two sections soon! ~ SavageBob 19:01, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ** Expanded. Better?
 * 97) * What is meant by "the dominant tendencies of the galaxy"? Do you mean trends, styles, that kind of thing?
 * 98) ** Yep. Modified.
 * 99) * Do the sources say how aerobats make a living? Do they daredevil fly for their own fun, or do they perform, or what?
 * 100) ** Seriously, I can't say anything else about aerobats without assuming.
 * 101) * The bit about Vortex's spaceport seems more appropriate to "Society and culture" since it doesn't deal with Vors offworld. ~ SavageBob 16:56, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) ** OK. Have a look now.Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) *** One last objection pending (the bit about them being birds as well as mammals and reptiles). The article is looking very, very nice. ~ SavageBob 15:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 104) ****Should be done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:12, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) Eyrezer:
 * 106) * Can you recrop the image of the Vor from UAA to include the Vratix? No need for it to be half cropped out like that.
 * 107) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:45, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 108) * Can you add more to the Biol and appearance section about the limbs/hands/feet digits, including the webbing between digits, etc?
 * 109) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) ***It looks like they only have three toes as against four fingers. Can you add something on this?
 * 111) ****Added.
 * 112) * The UAA image looks to be yellow in colour. Can you incorporate this into the article?
 * 113) **As the image contradicts other sources, that info is already under BtS. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * "the Republic retired the initial offer to join that collective." This is not very clear. Can you reword it? --Eyrezer 08:33, January 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) * "but the Vors could both fly and guide with their wings". Is that meant to be glide with their wings?
 * 117) **Good catch. Changed.
 * 118) * I know your preference is to reference to more than one source, but the phrase "using their wings along with their hollow bones" has 5 sources. Can you cut out a couple of these? It seems overkill for such a short line.
 * 119) **Grumble grumble. Better?
 * 120) * I added two mentions from the Jedi Counseling series. The second one may have some info you would like to include regarding the ability to use their hands while flying... up to you. --Eyrezer 04:08, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **Both added, although I haven't modified the image caption to say that this Vratix and this Vor were friends; I'm never sure if the JC captions are serious or not. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * Is there any way you can add in something about the Goa lawah? I know there is very little on them in EGPM, but if you could work ithem in somehow, I think that would be a good idea.
 * 123) **Added.
 * 124) * In the habitat subsection, could you add the detail from the EGAS on the colours of the plain grasses? --Eyrezer 02:56, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) **Added.
 * 126) * Have you considered mentioning vors-glass? --Eyrezer 05:30, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 127) **Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:34, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 128) * "sometimes covering them with their own bodies,[1][2][3][4][5][8]" Way too excessive referencing.
 * 129) **Still digress, but done. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:14, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) * "re-echoing, plaintive sound[1] was known as the music of the winds.[1][5]" Could this all be referenced to [1]? --Eyrezer 03:34, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 131) **Guess so. Done. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:14, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) * "Later that same year, with the war intensifying," You need to actually mention what the war is here. --Eyrezer 09:22, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 133) **Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:13, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 134) Stuff:
 * 135) *"They returned to that custom in" Wording isn't great. Please rephrase. Maybe "In 11 ABY, they began playing their music again," or something.
 * 136) *"The Vors eventually became members of the Republic" You just said that they joined the Republic; thus, this isn't needed. Try to merge the bit about them not having extra-planetary interests elsewhere, or just remove this sentence.
 * 137) *"only keeping on and making great efforts to thrive" I don't understand what you are saying here. Is it that people thought they cared only about surviving?
 * 138) *Any context on what the Treaty of Vors did?
 * 139) *All from me.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:29, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * "[T]hey lived in underground hummocks." I learned a new word, thanks! :) ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Eurrsk Thri'ag

 * Nominated by: ToRsO bOy 23:35, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The product of over six months worth of procastination

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:45, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job. —Tommy  9281 20:53, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) *Not an objection, but please remember to use Ref tags in the infobox.
 * 3) **Got it. ToRsO bOy 23:40, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * The bio basically comes out of nowhere with no background of him prior to his applying for Wraith Squadron. Please do something to satisfy this.
 * 5) **There's not a single mention of his life before he joined the Wraiths. I thought of adding how his career was in jeopardy because of the pranks but it seemed like speculation. ToRsO bOy 23:40, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***I meant things like his species and occupation (kind of) as a slicer, which you do fine in the intro but don't do in the body.  CC7567  (talk) 03:50, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Got it. Added. ToRsO bOy 22:44, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * Can you replace a few of the multiple usages of "try out" with something less colloquial?
 * 9) **Changed. ToRsO bOy 23:40, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *Please watch your linking, as I'm currently finding it to be a little lacking. I'll continue with "Night Caller charade" soon once these are fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 06:49, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks. Added more links. ToRsO bOy 23:40, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) * Can his "Grinder" nickname be implemented at all in the main biography? It's definitely relevant.
 * 13) **Just to clarify, when you say implement, do you mean add a small mention or refer to him as Grinder throughout the body? ToRsO bOy 22:44, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) ***I meant the first one; surnames always take precedence over all other names when it comes to formality, which is what encyclopedic entries use.  CC7567  (talk) 00:54, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) ****Added ToRsO bOy 22:53, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) * Please limit the use of "offered" in the first paragraph of Night Caller charade.
 * 17) **Reworded. ToRsO bOy 22:44, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) * Is it Night Caller or the Night Caller? Please check and be consistent throughout the entire article.
 * 19) **Done ToRsO bOy 22:53, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * "By nightfall, the Wraiths infiltrated": the verb tense isn't matching the preposition; it needs to be either "By nightfall, the Wraiths had infiltrated" or "After <or some other preposition> nightfall, the Wraiths infiltrated&hellip;" I'm noticing this tense issue to be a prominent problem throughout the article, so I'd recommend that you take another look at it to check for this.
 * 21) **Is there a specific grammar rule that I kept breaking? I'd be grateful if you could specify it for me so I could go and look it up. ToRsO bOy 22:44, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) ***It's not a grammar rule per say, but one of chronology; if the preposition indicates something along the lines of "by" or anything that takes place before the actual focus of the sentence/prose, the verb tense needs to reflect that. It's a little challenging for me to explain it; if there turn out to be more problems with this, let me know and I'll help you through it.  CC7567  (talk) 00:54, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ****I appreciate the offer. Thanks. I'm reading up on prepositions and feel free to point others that I missed. Objection fixed by the way. ToRsO bOy 22:53, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) *" Thri'ag stayed behind when Night Caller jumped out of the system, and was delivered by New Republic Intelligence agents into the mining corporation's headquarters in order to search for property transfers." I'm nitpicking here, but there are several problems here that are interrupting the flow of the sentence. First off, did Thri'ag stay behind while the Night Caller jumped out of the system? If so, that needs to be said. Secondly, I'm not quite sure if you're saying that Thri'ag was the one who was "delivered by New Republic Intelligence agents" or if it was the Night Caller itself; please try to make this more clear.
 * 25) **Reworded ToRsO bOy 22:44, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) * " Night Caller was about to dock on the given coordinates": the preposition you use here isn't really the appropriate one; it's rather awkwardly phrased. The best one to use would normally be "about to dock at the given coordinates" or "about to dock to the given coordinates," but as I'm unsure which one is factually correct, I'll leave you to choose which one to utilize.
 * 27) **Chose "at" ToRsO bOy 22:53, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) *I'll continue with "Mission to Storinal" once these are fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 04:31, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Can the details for Loran's investigations into Thri'ag's pranks be shortened? They aren't directly relevant to him, and while they are interesting, I don't believe that they are entirely necessary.
 * 30) **Shortened. ToRsO bOy 21:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Now it's unclear whether or not they actually knew if Thri'ag was the prankster. This needs to be clarified, even if the details behind it aren't mentioned. Adding something brief like "they deduced that Thri'ag was the prankster" will solve this.  CC7567  (talk) 22:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) ****Revised. ToRsO bOy 17:35, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) * "After their rendezvous with Hawkbat, Night Caller joined Implacable ": the pronoun plurality isn't really matching up to the subject; please check this. If I'm interpreting it wrong somehow, please clarify.
 * 34) **Revised ToRsO bOy 21:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) * Have the battles of Talasea and Ession been officially named or not? I'm getting confused as to whether they have been because there are so many inconsistent capitalizations of them throughout the article. If they have been named by an official source, then the article needs to reflect this with consistent capitalization, and if they haven't, the article cannot use them as such.
 * 36) **I'm afraid I don't follow on the inconsistent capitalization. Do you mean the actual term Battle of Talasea/Ession? I believe Ession is mentioned but I need to double check on Talasea. ToRsO bOy 21:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) ***Yes. In one quote caption, the Battle of Ession is capitalized, while the later "battles of Talasea and Ession" is not. Humor me, if you will, but please try to check to see if either of them are officially named.  CC7567  (talk) 22:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) ****Just to clarify, this still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 05:17, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) *****I just got a reply from Cylka. Battle of Ession is listed under Ession in the CSWE. But the battle of Talasaea is not. Should it still be capitalized for Ession? ToRsO bOy 09:13, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) ******If it's officially named, yes, the Battle of Ession should be capitalized wherever you use it. If the "battle of Talasea" term isn't used anywhere at all, then it shouldn't be used in the article; perhaps replace it with "battle at Talasea" when you refer to it. Just a note: since you refer to the "battles of Ession and Talasea," you can just say "battles at Ession and Talasea."  CC7567  (talk) 22:17, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) *******Fixed. Just a sidenote though for future articles, if the title of a battle is conjectural, then its still not capitalized, correct? ToRsO bOy 07:32, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) ********Yes, you are correct, although admittedly, the wiki isn't extremely consistent with this issue.  CC7567  (talk) 08:14, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) * His designation of Wraith Four needs to be mentioned a lot earlier in the Bio rather than all the way down in the Legacy section.
 * 44) **Mentioned ToRsO bOy 21:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) * "Thri'ag was a bit arrogant concerning his abilities, especially when his slicing skills were needed in crucial times." How so? Examples, maybe?
 * 46) **I didn't put in a specific scenario, as it would be too out of place and boring. ToRsO bOy 21:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * Can the P&T be expanded at all? Try to look at the reasons behind his actions and see if that brings anything to light.
 * 48) **Expanded. ToRsO bOy 17:35, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) *I'll go through the article a second time with you to make sure that everything's in good shape, but good job otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 03:48, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) **Much thanks for being the first one to dive in. ToRsO bOy 17:35, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) * Can the infobox include a place of death?
 * 52) **I added Battle of Ession, since if I just added Ession that would imply he died on the planet. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) ***While I understand the dilemma, adding an event instead of a location isn't very accurate either. Was it "over Ession"? Perhaps you can say that to be clear. If it comes down to listing the place of death as the Lucaya system (in which Ession is apparently located), then that's fine too&mdash;a specific location is better than an event, which really isn't a clear indication to a location.  CC7567  (talk) 18:50, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Changed. ToRsO bOy 20:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * Can you try to indicate the timeline from the very beginning of the intro (i.e. the first sentence)? Saying something like "during the Galactic Civil War" might help. Currently, it isn't clarified when he "was on the verge of washing out from the New Republic armed forces."
 * 56) **Added on both intro and body. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Shortly after receiving the squadron's official name of Wraith Squadron [...] Antilles announced": I'm a little confused with the wording here, as it's rather awkward. How exactly did Antilles "receive" the squadron's official name? Please clarify.
 * 58) **Changed to approved. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * "What he discovered was a small outdated durasteel foundry transferred to an alias of Zsinj." This isn't quite clear. Do you mean that he discovered a foundry that had been transferred to an alias of Zsinj?
 * 60) **Fixed. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 61) * "were assigned to guard the pirates who surrendered": just to clarify (this may already be factually correct but I want to confirm that you're saying what you want to say), what you're implying here is that all of the pirates surrendered, as opposed to some of them, which would have been expressed by the tense "the pirates who had surrendered." Please check and clarify this; humor me, if you will.
 * 62) **The book didn't imply any pirates who refused to surrender and carried on fighting, so it's the first one. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) * "This proved true when Thri'ag easily sliced into the institute's records": while there's nothing extremely incorrect with this sentence, the usage of "easily" implies that that's the focus of the sentence, as opposed to the fact that Thri'ag would be useful on the trip, which I know is what you're trying to clarify. I would recommend adjusting the wording to something like "This proved true when Thri'ag gained access to a necessary asset [or something with more accurate word choice] by slicing into the institute's records&mdash;with ease&mdash;and providing the group with floor plan schematics."
 * 64) **Added. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) * The incident with the glass prowler is the first of Thri'ag's pranks you mention, yet you imply that this was not the first prank to befall the squadron. Can this be clarified?
 * 66) **I did thought about mentioning some of his earlier pranks, but they all seemed to disrupt the flow of the article. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ***I understand the issue, but it would be good to at least mention his pranks somehow (or provide a brief run-down of them, like saying "By this time, Thri'ag had started to plague the squadron with pranks" right before you introduce the glass prowler incident) instead of jumping out of nowhere with the glass prowler, as you do now.  CC7567  (talk) 18:50, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Great idea. Added. ToRsO bOy 20:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) * Can you make sure that you somehow link all the quote captions back to Thri'ag? The Legacy quote in particular is the one I'm concerned with, as it seems like a quote without any direct relevancy to Thri'ag. As long as he's mentioned somewhere in the caption (not necessarily in the quote itself), it should be fine.
 * 70) **Mentioned. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) * "that granted him complete access": to what, specifically?
 * 72) **Reworded. ToRsO bOy 08:54, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) *That's it from me.  CC7567  (talk) 06:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) Any reason you have "talents and abilities" as a subsection of P&T rather than a separate section? Also, is there any reason why he denounces practical jokes in the P&T quote yet takes part in many of them? Otherwise, nicely done.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:34, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) *Error on my part. I ask permission to throw myself out of the airlock to ease my shame. Fixed. Regarding the pranks, it wasn't explained in the novel why he did, I "assume" it's just a way for him to cover his tracks. --ToRsO bOy 01:12, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) **I forgive you. :P  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:45, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Am I correct in assuming that we don't know how he got his nickname "Grinder"?  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * That's right. ToRsO bOy 23:02, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Omwati

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:44, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Exotic, cute alien species. Like Qwi Xux. Remember Qwi? Wedge's girlfriend from the 1990s? Oh, don't you read the classics anymore? ·:P

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Won't object till I'm blue in the face. ~ SavageBob 22:10, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 07:00, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:50, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Pasta noodle-by: There are far, far, far too many one sentence quasi-paragraphs. Please lace these together as best as possible into something cohesive. It seems that many could be easily related without getting into conjecture, OR, or other nasty things. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:49, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:05, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 4) * "Omwati children had specially receptive minds that could be strengthened with the proper training." How is this different from any other sapient species?
 * 5) **It's to a greater extent. Added.
 * 6) * "they even developed their own Force tradition." Can you say what it is in the lead?
 * 7) **OS doesn't say much about that. Added what I could.
 * 8) * Is there a reason that centimeters are used for their height? Most alien species articles use meters.
 * 9) **Changed.
 * 10) * I'm not sure it's necessary to compare their lifespan to a human's; it should be enough to say that they are mature at this age and can expect to live at that age. Is there any more information on their life cycle? When do they begin adolescence, for instance?
 * 11) **Changed.
 * 12) * No BTS info from Alien Anthology or Ultimate Alien Anthology (or the WEG stuff)? How do the RPGs distinguish the Omwati from other species? Do they get any special abilities or deficits?
 * 13) **I tried to include the info in the body but, as this was explictly asked: Added.
 * 14) * Otherwise needs a copy edit, but then it'll be good. I'll see what I can do in the next few days. Good work! ~ SavageBob 22:05, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thank you for the review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:57, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) * Just a bit more: What does it mean for their hair to be "opal-irised"?
 * 17) **Typo. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:39, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) * What does it mean that a young Omwati's mind can be "broken"? Does he or she go crazy?
 * 19) **OS doesn't offer a thorough diagnosis, but detailed as a medical collpase.
 * 20) * "tonally strange" -- from who's perspective? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:39, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **The narrator of a RPG book: "An elegant language with a number of odd tonal inflections.", UAA, p117. Nonetheless, changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:39, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * I'll copy edit "History" soon and then will be happy to support! ~ SavageBob 00:32, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thank you for your review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:39, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) *** One last thing: The article says that Tarkin took several hundred bright young Omwati, but then we're told he only had 10. What happened to all the others? ~ SavageBob 18:25, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) ****No: He recruited hundreds, and took ten of them to that particular class. Added more detailed info on what happened to the others, trying hard not to OR. Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:52, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) Toprawa:
 * 27) *The Source list is at least partially incorrectly ordered, chronologically. Please revise. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not objection worthy, but please link to the Omwati's Force tradition, as it's a unique canonical subject.  CC7567  (talk) 07:00, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Gelesi

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:22, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I have to at least try this one once more.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 07:16, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) You need to add the fact that he received an entry in the CSWE, in the BTS.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:43, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:17, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) '''Getting my foot back in the door&hellip;"
 * 4) * There has to be a better descriptor for Iziz than "a major city on Onderon." It's the only city on Onderon, for starters.
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) * No time frame is given for Gelesi in the intro.
 * 7) **Added.
 * 8) * There are no specifications of rank for Sullio and Gelesi in the intro despite the game dialogue being pretty obvious about it all.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * Specification that it was the entire planet's allegiance in question in the intro is required.
 * 11) **Implanted.
 * 12) ***Not really, it still reads as though the people themselves want to be loyal or secede; not for the planet itself. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:23, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ****How about now? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:28, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) * The "Battle of Onderon" should be a pipelink; the game doesn't outright call it that.
 * 15) **Re-linked. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Actually, there's no link, and I think there should be one. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:23, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:28, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) *Get back to me soon! Graestan ( Talk ) 14:58, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) Pure fluff: "An in-game system that keeps track of the players responses, if the player chooses kinder options the player earns light side "points," if the player chooses aggressive or otherwise cruel actions the player earns dark side "points" and more neutral expressions earn no points either way."  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:25, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *Sorry, remnant from the last draft. Removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:28, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Nayayen
 * 22) * "Because her meeting with Kavar—a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who had gone into hiding due to the Triumvirate's crusade—was interrupted by an attack by Vaklu's men because Kavar was a high-ranking Royalist, the Exile rushed to escape the planet." Can this be reworded so that it doesn't use "because" twice in the same sentence? It sounds clunky in its current state so it might be worth splitting it.
 * 23) **Done.
 * 24) * There was a confrontation in the palace, then what? Did it succeed? What happened to Vaklu? A sentence or two for this info wouldn't go amiss.
 * 25) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:09, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) *Not an objection but the infobox image could do with a better quality version. I'd do it but I've not got a save game near that part so you might want to ask Redemption or Culator. Not too bad otherwise. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 22:00, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) Pah-sta!
 * 28) *As a note, I trimmed a lot of stuff from the introduction that was completely irrelevant. Please remember to keep it light in the introduction. Some context is needed, but what had been there was way too much. Next time, I will simply object and wait as long as it takes to become satisfactory.
 * 29) *"Gelesi lived in Iziz, the walled city of the planet Onderon, with his wife and four-year-old daughter." In order to say that the daughter was four, there needs to be a time qualifier. What year or timeframe?
 * 30) *"In 3,951 BBY&hellip;" Proper source, please? Use a footnote if connections are being drawn, but neither KotOR or TSL are acceptable sources for this.
 * 31) *What does the em dash clause about Bostuco and Riiken have to do with anything?
 * 32) *Sullio should be introduced before the captains. Otherwise, it is irrelevant information.
 * 33) *"Gelesi was shaken by the murder of Captain Sullio, as he was also unwillingly given her post, and became paranoid, afraid he would suffer the same fate." Run-on-ish. Please make this flow better as complete thoughts and two sentences.
 * 34) *"Though the murderer was never caught, his fears proved to be unfounded." I am not sure how to address this, as it is a hard one. His fears were unfounded in the game; nothing says anything about after the coup. Please tweak this to make it sound less speculative without implicating the timeframe of the game.
 * 35) *"&hellip;after it had involved the planet in several wars in the years prior." Please place this elsewhere, as placing it here seems like you are lobbying against her views by saying 'she still did this even though yada-yada happened.'
 * 36) *"Many believed&hellip;" Many? That is highly POVish and furthers my last point. What says that numerical qualifier?
 * 37) *Please simplify the sentence about Vaklu's supporters so it is not so compounded. Also, while we are in there&hellip; what says 'Vakluist?' I cannot find that anywhere in the game. In what scene and/or dialog, if any, can it be found?
 * 38) *"In actuality, however, the Hawk was attacked by the Onderon Military in order to frame the ship, and by association the Republic, for starting the conflict." What does this have to do with Gelesi? It seems like an apologist's POV.
 * 39) *"&hellip;as he was fiercely loyal to the queen but acknowledged the Vakluist view that the Republic was unnecessarily dragging Onderon to war with them." The "unnecessarily" needs context. There was a sentence about this from the intro that was excised that would apply nicely here.
 * 40) *In the last bio paragraph, please jettison the em dash clause about the visas. Make that part of a regular sentence and talk about the Exile next. Also, this needs a touch of context as to when he was assigned this job, etc.
 * 41) *"&hellip;owned by the Jedi Exile, a former Jedi Knight who was searching the galaxy for Jedi Masters to help her in her quest to stop an organization of Sith, that had already virtually succeeded in eliminating the Jedi Order." I suggest breaking this up. Anything about the Sith or Jedi is irrelevant except that they were using both factions as pawns in the war. This does need to be marginally addressed so that the info is useful. That said, do not belabor it.
 * 42) *"Her meeting with Kavar—a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who had gone into hiding due to the Triumvirate's crusade—was interrupted by a group of soldiers entering the cantina." How Kavar fits into this is not clear at this point. Make this clear as it is important. Again, however, do not overdo it.
 * 43) *To summarize where this is going: Please clear out the first half of the third biography paragraph. The whole bit about the Exile seems like it is too much and irrelevant. The bit about the cantina skirmish, running, whatever.&hellip; please simplify it. The first time we see something that directly pertains to Gelesi is in the penultimate sentence. Unless it is important to him how the war escalated, it is all unnecessary.
 * 44) *"Once inside, they met up with Gelesi&hellip;" Please express this from Gelesi's angle. State that he joined when it escalated, or something. Right now it is a throw-in on an Onderon Civil War article, not a statement about Gelesi on his article.
 * 45) *"&hellip;overall neutral officer&hellip;" It is said above that he was a loyalist who sympathized with some anti-Republic sentiments, so this is inaccurate. Above it says he was ambivalent, not neutral.
 * 46) *"He had always wondered&hellip;" Always? Check POV.
 * 47) *"The stress of the job made him feel like he was being targeted all the time and even a bit paranoid in his own opinion." This does not quite make sense and seems to be inaccurate. Please verify these things and the wording of them.
 * 48) *"Gelesi's face is actually one of the faces" Where does this come from? What can be used to verify this? Right now it is all conjecture.
 * 49) *Okay, that is all for now. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:04, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) *Wait, one more. Nothing from Prima at all? &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:05, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Operation: Knightfall

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:36, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Same reason as Gelesi

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Needs info from Star Wars Purge: Seconds to Die.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:34, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Image for the prelude? Kreivi Wolter 10:04, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Added one of Anakin and Palpy at the opera. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:40, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I tweaked with the images a bit; hope you don't mind. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:54, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Not at all. I'm terrible with images. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:30, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Celchu Trial

 * Nominated by:--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 23:29, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:I wish to know if this is good enough for you as it is for us in Finnish Jedipedia.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) It looks good form my eyes. Hyvää (t)yötä : ) Kreivi Wolter 09:14, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * At first glance, there is a substantial amount of underlinking.
 * 3) **Any better now? I'm not too sure what you mean by underlinking. Care to advice?
 * 4) ***"Underlinking" means that you do not have everything linked; an article should be linked once on its first mention in the intro and once on its first mention in the body. Anyway, this is much better, although there are still some missing, extra, and incorrectly placed links. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:40, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Happy now? I have hard time finding more things to link but if there is still something, let me know.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:32, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) * I am also seeing several grammar problems.
 * 7) **Any better now?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 20:30, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:56, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Cylka's first look:
 * 10) * I think that the infobox should be expanded. The infobox is there to give readers the basic facts about the event without the need to read the article. In the conflict section you can state the purpose of the trial- Celchu on trial for treason and Horn's murder. You could also fill in the the important participants. The key section is for the involved affiliations.
 * 11) **Added something to each section. I don't know if I should add the Empire to affiliations part since they were manufacturing some of the evidence, but were not directly connected to the case.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 16:12, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) * A little context is needed as to why someone had to fly to Coruscant and scout the planet.
 * 13) **I don't know if that is ever stated why Celchu was sent there. There is nothing of why in X-wing-series or The New Essential Chronology, they say he volunteered for the mission, but there is no info about why the mission was needed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 15:44, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) * where he spent three months before he finally escaped and returned to the Rebels - Who are these Rebels? This word was linked to the Alliance to Restore the Republic, but at this point in time, it didn't exist any longer in that form.
 * 15) **I accuse Celchu for that since he is speaking about "Alliance" in Wedge's Gamble when recounting the events. Fixed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 16:12, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) * Celchu was considered to be too untrustworthy to participate in planning or preparation. - Who considered him untrustworthy?
 * 17) **That sentence was written in passive to awoid stating presisely who thought Celchu to be untrusthworthy. It is already stated that at least Ackbar and Salm were not ready to trust him entirely. In Wedge's Gamble Corran Horn thinks that "they" (who ever "they" are) did not trust Celchu enough to allow him to participate. I fixed it but...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:04, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) * In the intro you state that Emtrey was the squadron's protocol droid, but not in the article body.
 * 19) **Fixed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:59, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * During his time on Coruscant Celchu met with Duros weapons dealer Lai Nootka in The Headquarters cantina. Corran Horn happened to see one meeting but thought that the tall, cloaked stranger was Imperial Intelligence agent Kirtan Loor. Horn told Antilles what he had seen, but the commander answered that it was impossible, since the report said that Celchu was among the casualties from Warlord Zsinj's attack on Noquivzor. In truth, Antilles was aware that Celchu was alive and on Coruscant, but he didn't believe Celchu had met Loor. - This doesn't quite make sense. The first sentence states that Horn thought the cloaked person was Loor and the next sentence talks about Celchu being reported as dead. The third sentence is written as if Horn had told Antilles that Celchu had been the cloaked stranger. Please clear this up.
 * 21) **I think it makes better sense now. Try it.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 18:11, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * After Horn found out that Celchu was alive, he filed a report concerning the meeting he had witnessed in the cantina. He also mentioned that he had not seen the stranger's face, but based on its height and gait, he had positively identified it as Loor. - What did this have to do with Horn finding out that Celchu was alive?
 * 23) **Nothing but it had everything to do with that report Horn filed. Fixed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 16:12, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * Both attorneys later used this calm reaction to prove their point in the court. - This sentence doesn't really belong here since you are introducing the trial at this point, but it isn't the appropriate time for the trial. Please move this to the trial section.
 * 25) **Try it now when it is moved to the paragraph about Pash Cracken's testimony.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:46, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) * After the battle to take down the shield - Is there an article for this battle? If not, then a redlink, stub, etc should be created for it.
 * 27) **There already is a link to the First Battle of Coruscant, they took the shield down as a part of that wider battle.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:13, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * All this made Celchu look highly suspicious to the New Republic, and only four days later, he was captured and charged with high treason and murder. - I'm not exactly sure what made Celchu look guilty. It may be because the information in the previous two paragraphs concerning Loor, Horn's report, and Celchu being alive/dead is unclear. Please look over this again.
 * 29) **"All this" was supposed to mean practically everything under the title: "Background". Changed to be more accurate.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:59, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * When General Airen Cracken revealed that he had known all along that Celchu was innocent, - How could he have known this?
 * 31) **After reorganizing the paragraphs it now says earlier that Cracken knew it from Emtrey. Or does it still need work?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:46, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) * During his time among Imperials, Madine had also likely met Ysanne Isard - Does this have any bearing on the case? If not, then it doesn't need to be included.
 * 33) **Not really, but Madine in the whole doesn't have any substantial role in the whole thing. Everything about Madine is related to Ven's opinions of him and that is relevant to what Ven thinks of Madine in relation to the case.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:23, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) * In my opinion, I think that the trial section would read better if you placed the Defense first, Prosecution second and Judges third. This way, Ven's thoughts about the judges will make sense. Otherwise, the reader is not sure who Ven is.
 * 35) **Better now?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 15:30, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * Alright, in the Tribunal section the thoughts of the various individuals involved are misplaced and shouldn't be there. You are stating their thoughts about events that you you haven't yet introduced to the reader, for example "When Ettyk heard that Kirtan Loor was willing to testify in Celchu's behalf, she was ready to admit that Celchu was innocent, and after Horn gave his testimony, she was quick to remove all charges against Celchu." This is all very confusing. These thoughts should be placed in the relevant section, not when a character is first introduced. I would suggest paring down the tribunal section to a straightforward introduction of the individuals involved. However, I would leave in any thoughts that they had about the judges since that is pertinent to this section.
 * 37) **Did that change of order help any?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 15:30, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * Wessiri was not present when Celchu was found innocent, since she had been escorting Kirtan Loor to testify when her husband Diric had attacked her, Ven, and Loor under Isard's brainwashing. After Ven was injured and Loor shot to death Wessiri shot back and wounded the attacker mortally, only afterward realizing that it was her husband. This shock prevented her from coming to the final hearing. - This is another example of what I had just pointed out. You are speaking of events that have not yet happened, and this is confusing.
 * 39) **See if the change of order helped this?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:23, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) *I'm going to stop my review here in order to give you time to make sure that statements and comments are placed in the appropriate sections. The best way to do this is to ask yourself if a particular statement is relevant to what you are currently writing about. If not, then it needs to be moved. This will probably mean that things will get shuffled around. I must say that you did a great job in fixing up the grammar and wording issues from long ago. I am finding very little fault with the sentences themselves, just their placement. Please take care of these objections and I'll continue my review. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 14:48, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) Use proper ref tags in the infobox. --  1358  (Talk) 15:39, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) *Done. (I think...)--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 16:01, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) **I would have done it myself, but you edit conflicted me. :P -- 1358  (Talk) 16:05, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) Cylka's second look:
 * 45) *Good job with the infoxbox. Furthermore, I think that it would be a good idea to subdivide the participants into Defense, Prosecution, Judges, and Witnesses. If some individuals fit into more than one category, place in the one one that was more primary. For example, Iella Wessiri would fit better in the prosecution. I also think that you could add in Rogue Squadron under the Affiliations, since it heavily involved them.
 * 46) **Done.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:48, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) *after a failed attempt to sabotage Coruscant's planetary shields - I believe that "failed attempt" would be a good place to link to that Battle of Coruscant. I would have done so myself, but I'm not entirely familiar with that era and I didn't want to link to the wrong battle.
 * 48) **That would more likely need its own article since that first attempt to bring down the shield isn't even mentioned in the article of the First Battle of Coruscant (Galactic Civil War). I just don't know what to call it.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:48, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ***Problem solved with two stubs. I'm rather surprised that I couldn't find an article about Celchu's first trip to Coruscant when he got captured.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 18:31, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) *When introducing characters and ships, etc for the first time, it is a good idea to give them a bit of context. For example: I would write Executor-class Star Dreadnought Lusankya, a private prison. Further, I would add that Ackbar was Supreme Commander and who exactly Salm was when they are introduced. The reader then understands why these individuals had authority. Please go through and make sure that this is done throughout the article with all of the characters.
 * 51) **I would prefer not to introduce Lusankya as a ship in the Background part since no one but Isard knew it was a super star destroyer and that it was hidden in Coruscant.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) *Most accusations of treason were traced back to his time in the Lusankya prison and the possibility of brainwashing. - This sentence doesn't read very well. Please rewrite it. Also, in the next sentence I replaced "aggravating" with "incriminating," if that is alright. I believe that word works better.
 * 53) **Is it better now?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) *In the Interrogating the witnesses section please use the first names of the Crackens since both Pash and Airen are mentioned. It is confusing to the reader otherwise. Also, this goes along with my earlier objection in that add in who Pash and Airen were.
 * 55) **Done. But I'm still not sure if it was necessary, since I call Airen "General Cracken" to separate him from (Pash) "Cracken".--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) *Cracken tried to give his testimony in a way that was favourable to Celchu but Ettyk was allowed to interrogate him as a hostile witness making it difficult. - What was made difficult?
 * 57) **Reading that sentence, possibly since even I'm not sure what I'm saying. It should be better now.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) *Since Ettyk was not able to bring out the things Horn had told to Dlarit, Ven was able to point out that Horn had spoken with others before his meeting with Dlarit. That rendered Dlarit almost useless as a witness - I'm not sure how Horn speaking with others before Dlarit made her useless as a witness. Please clarify this.
 * 59) **Fixed, and Dlarit is no longer completely "useless".--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) *forced Admiral Ackbar postpone the trial even further. While Ven was away, Whistler and Emtrey stayed on Coruscant to collect and process evidence that they would use in court. - This is another example of what I had mentioned before. the reader needs to know why Ackbar could postpone the trial (he was the chairman) and why were Emtry and Whistler involved with the evidence.
 * 61) **Great... Now you complain about the reader not knowing the characters mentioned after you made me move that introduction part to the bottom of the whole thing... Don't worry, I'll fix it but I had to point this out.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 21:12, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) ***It is unfortunate that more work has been created for you, however, I am only trying to ensure that the article is appealing and understandable to our readers. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 23:30, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) ****I was trying to be sarcastic but I was rather tired when I wrote that comment. But now I have given more context for most of the people. Was that enough?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) *****I believe she was aware that you were being sarcastic and merely chose to ignore it, taking the high road instead.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:41, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) *Isard decided to send her brainwashed puppet, Diric Wessiri, to stop Derricote - This is fine, but the next sentence talks about Diric shooting at Ven, Loor, and Iela without any mention of Derricote. Please connect these two sentences a bit more.
 * 66) **Better now? I usually try not to overuse the dash but it does have its uses sometimes...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:46, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) *Horn's return and his simultaneous testimony with Antilles about the identity of the true traitor - What simultaneous testimony? How did Wedge know who the traitor was?
 * 68) **Is it any clearer now?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) *I'm not sure that the third paragraph of the Defense section is needed. It doesn't have much bearing on the trial itself, which the main focus of the article. Most of the sentiments of the people involved have already been stated earlier, and introducing Winter complicates things a bit.
 * 70) **Removed but I reformed some bits of it to be the new first paragraph of the section. And Winter got completely removed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) *Wessiri was not present when Celchu was found innocent, since she had been escorting Kirtan Loor to testify when her husband Diric had attacked her, Ven, and Loor under Isard's brainwashing. After Ven was injured and Loor shot to death Wessiri shot back and wounded the attacker mortally, only afterward realizing that it was her husband. This shock prevented her from coming to the final hearing. - This is essentially repeating what was already stated earlier. I would pare this down to only say that Wessiri was in schock from woundeing her husband and therefore, wasn't present.
 * 72) **Better now?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) *Context is needed for Fliry Vorru.
 * 74) **Is that enough?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) *While the New Republic labeled Corran Horn as a hero of the conquering of Corucant, - This statement is fine, but the reader is not sure of what has happened. The beginning of the article talks about Celchu needing to scout out Coruscant and now it has been conquered. In order to solve this I think that at the beginning of the article you should fit in that Coruscant is under Imperial control, and then fit in somewhere that by the time of the trial, Coruscant is liberated. I know that you mention the first battle of Coruscant, but many readers will not know the specifics of that battle.
 * 76) **Any better now?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) *Please go through the article to make sure that everything is linked correctly since the article sections have been shuffled around.
 * 78) **Should be done now.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) *You have done a good job with rearranging the article sections and I feel that it reads much better now. Please take care of these of these objections and I'll look at it again. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 21:00, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) **Thanks. Happy to work with you.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) Question: Can you use a picture of a younger Corran? Him bearded and in Jedi robes is a bit out-of-place. Menkooroo 05:07, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) *How so? He was wearing green jedi robes (taken from Galactic Museum during his escape) and hadn't shaved for a while when he arrived to the court room.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:52, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) **I have to correct myself: Horn was wearing "pale" jedi robe, not green. But jedi robe none the less. Do you still want me to change it?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 18:54, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ***What I meant was that that's a picture of Horn from twenty years later. Could you go with a picture of him from roughly the time period of the trial? Menkooroo 01:32, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) ****I' aware of that, but honestly, take a look at the pictures that don't pic him as a jedi: these are too small (and I would prefer colours) and this doesn't really look like Corran to me and it is too small as well. And there really is no pictures of him from that time. Other choise would be to go to his CorSec pictures but they would be even more out of place. You tell me if any of these would fit better and I will change it.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:26, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) *****Sorry to keep pushing this. It's not a big deal or a major objection or anything. I just feel like an image of a character twenty years later doesn't belong in an article when there are images of him available from much closer to the time period that the article details. If the trial had a direct impact on Horn's Jedi training, then the image might fit in some sort of "aftermath" or "legacy" section, saying "The Trial allowed Horn to become a great Jedi Knight", but as it stands, I feel like it would be like putting the main image from the Darth Caedus article in an article about the birth of the Solo twins.

From the list that you provided me, a cropped version of this image might fit (cropped to remove the guns, maybe?). I'm not sure if it's Corran with his arms crossed in this image, but if it is, a cropped version of it would be great. I know that you want a color image, but given the circumstances, there's nothing wrong with black and white, ya know? This one may be small, but as it's Corran in his X-wing garb, it fits the bill perfectly. Ditto this one. You might have to be creative here.

Throughout the article, images are used well in general, though. There's a big chunk of imageless space in the "Interrogating the witnesses" section, however, followed by a bunch of images in close succession. Can you maybe stick an image there, or else space the rest of the images out more? An image of one of the judges might fit. Horton Salm or Crix Madine. Menkooroo 01:25, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) ******I have actually been searching a picture of Wedge to put to that "interrogating witnesses" part, since he was one of the key witnesses. I don't like that big imageless gap either. Other choise is to move Ackbar's picture up there and put Salm down to its place (since Salm and Madine had not that much to do in that part of the trial, beside just being present in the courtroom).--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:24, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *******Well, you're in luck, because images of Wedge is something this wiki has no shortage of. Here's a cool one of Wedge and Ackbar from roughly that time period. Here he is looking epic; here's a great live-action shot; This one is cool 'cause he's like "Hey... trust me"; here he is from a picture that you've already used Tycho and Corran from --- and there are 100 more where that came from. Menkooroo 07:33, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) ********I think I like the one with Wedge and Ackbar together but I need to crop Ackbar out since I can't think of a text that would fit ("Chairman of the court and one of the key witnesses" sounds rather far fetched to me, even when they were working together during the trial).--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:47, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *********Got that pic of Wedge up and added Salm to where Ackbar used to be moving our Mon Calamarean friend higher up. How does it look?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 13:30, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) *****Returning to the original topic of Corran's pic. Actually his adventure in the Galactic Museum had a lot to do with him becoming a Jedi later, since he discovered several heirlooms from his biological grandfather there. If I could word it something like this: "During his escape in addition to the files that acquitted Celchu Horn also discovered the connection he had to the Jedi", could I leave the picture there?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:47, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *A nice compromise. :^) Menkooroo 00:07, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks. Sorry to have gone to so much trouble about it. I should have though of that from the beginning...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 11:31, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Why everyone is ignoring my nom?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 22:43, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Have patience. Sometimes it can take few months before people even bother to read the article. Trust me, the users will find this eventually : ) Kreivi Wolter 14:08, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * While we have yet to develop a standard format for articles of this type, I'd suggest looking at this article to get an idea of a legal trial article's layout. I am completely unfamiliar with the source material for the Celchu Trial, but I trust that you can incorporate some of what you find in my example to help your article along its FAN path. —Tommy 9281 01:04, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks. There isn't that much differences between the two that I could notice. The other one is more detailed than mine, but it has less material to cover, so it can afford it without the article becoming too long. My material is mainly from the novel X-wing: The Krytos Trap combined with the two previous novels X-wing: Rogue Squadron and X-wing: Wedge's Gamble, so the article needs to cover a lot of ground. Outside those three (plus X-wing: The Bacta War) there is only a little information about this case in any of the source books. What I did notice being different is the name of the article; all other trial articles are named "trial of someone" or "someone vs./versus someone". But that is not my fault since I didn't create the article about this trial, only rewrote it completely.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 09:06, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Jedi Tower

 * Nominated by:  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  09:28, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I make a return to the FAN after too long with this, the Jedi academy of Taris. It actually turned out to be quite an interesting article to write and hopefully it will be the same to read.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Great work, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:28, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) A few for you&hellip;
 * 2) * Intro: I would like to see the Neo-Crusaders mentioned in the intro.
 * 3) **Added, I've also mentioned them in main body.
 * 4) * Intro: Gadon Thek and context on him should be mentioned in the intro, where it says that Gryph arrived to evacuate Carrick and Jelavan.
 * 5) **Added, I haven't mentioned the Hidden Beks though, it doesn't seem necessary.
 * 6) * Early teaching: Now that John Jackson Miller has established for sure that Squinquargesimus was not a part of Malak's name, I feel you should take the surname out.
 * 7) **Removed.
 * 8) * Early teaching: For Revan, you might want to mention that he was Alek's "honorary" Master, since that is what the handbook says. Also, please capatalize "Master".
 * 9) **Done, I've checked all other instances of Master for capitalization.
 * 10) * In Mandalorian hands: I think you should mention that Griff Vao was Mission's older brother.
 * 11) **Done, I had to tweak those two sentences a bit so that it flows well.
 * 12) *Great job, Nayayen. When this passes, will this article be the first on building to pass the FAs?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:43, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review Kasra. I can count at least 6 building FAs, one of which is a Jedi academy so this isn't even the first one of those FAd.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  10:42, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Cool.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:32, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) And one more thing&hellip;
 * 16) * You might want to source Alek's name to #10 or the Handbook, because in #0 he merely introduced himself as "Squint". I would think you only need to source the name to this on this one mention.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:32, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) **Got it.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  08:45, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) Attack of the Clone
 * 19) * "The atmosphere control complex was set away from the nearby residential buildings and other structures which meant that, to access the Tower, a skybridge was built." It's rather unclear what you're trying to say here. Do you mean that the control complex's isolation from the nearby buildings required a skybridge to be built to access it? If so, you might consider using that wording instead.
 * 20) **Fixed
 * 21) ***Please watch your semi-colon usage. While I've fixed this issue for you, semi-colons are only used to join two standalone clauses together.  CC7567  (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * "It was in this chamber that the Council executed their Padawans on the grounds that they were protecting the galaxy from the Sith." This historical reference is much more relevant to the History section than the Description section. Please try to keep the two isolated and distinct from each other.
 * 23) **Removed
 * 24) ***I meant the entire reference, basically. I can see how it may be notable to say that the room was where the Padawan Massacre took place, but overall, the Description section should be primarily reserved for stuff relating to the actual structure of the building&mdash;anything else that takes place in it is what the History is used to list.  CC7567  (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Removed. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 15:44, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Zayne Carrick, the only Padawan to survive, fled this room by diving down the turbolift tower and escaping through the storage room to the landing area." Same issue as above.
 * 27) **I assumed you meant the "only Padawan to survive" bit, the other part highlights a route from the room to the landing area.
 * 28) ***First of all, no, that is context necessary to the article and shouldn't be removed, but let me clarify this part. Can you simply say that the tower had a turbolift? That seems to be the only part of the sentence that is specifically relevant to the structure of the tower, not its history.  CC7567  (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) ****In that case, the sentence is redundant. Removed. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 15:44, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * The image placement in "The Padawan Massacre" section is a bit strained, as ideally there should only be an image every few paragraphs or so or one per section, whichever comes first.
 * 31) **Removed the second of the two.
 * 32) * Please fix that Fact tag in the article.
 * 33) **Fixed
 * 34) * In the second paragraph of the "Padawan Massacre" section, please try to maintain a neutral perspective of the massacre rather than simply following Jelavan's POV. It's more proper to simply write it chronologically rather than as if it were through Jelavan's eyes.
 * 35) **I can't see any way to make it more neutral than it is now.
 * 36) ***Can you simply say that the Masters planned to execute their Padawans in the Tower based on their vision and continue from there? That's how all non-character articles should essentially be written.  CC7567  (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) ****I've reworded it as much as possible. It is vital to note that Jelavan noticed Draay's lightsaber and spoke out because that is why the Masters had to strike prematurely and hence enabled Carrick to escape. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 15:44, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) *I will continue with "In Mandalorian hands" once these are fixed. Overall, I'd like you to be a bit stricter on what is relevant to the Jedi Tower itself and what is not. While yes, context is necessary to understand the storyline, extraneous context is not&mdash;this article should be primarily about the tower and not anything else. Much of the Padawan Massacre section itself is affected by this problem. Please go through the article to make sure that every detail is directly relevant to the Jedi Tower and those that are not are absolutely necessary as context.  CC7567  (talk) 22:55, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for you review CC. I'll go through and see if anything can be trimmed out, probably with the second opinion of someone else as familiar with the comics. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 08:58, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) *I see virtually no mention at all of the Jedi Tower anywhere in the second and third paragraphs of "In Mandalorian hands" except in the latter paragraph, and that still doesn't show much. This should be a major indicator to irrelevant context. Please verify the necessity of all this extraneous information. As such, the next two objections depend on whether the parts including them are kept or not.
 * 41) * "Fortunately for the Jedi": POV. It isn't up to us to decide what is "fortunate" for a group and what is not.
 * 42) **Neutralized. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) * Context on Del Moomo.
 * 44) **Added it on his first mention and moved the link to there as well. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) *Please try to clean up the crowded image placement in "The Resistance strikes back."
 * 46) *Is it possible for the context in the first paragraph of the same section to be shortened at all? I understand that context on the Tower operation is necessary, but if the Tower isn't actually used in the section, the amount of detail is questionable.
 * 47) * "that the Resistance had already managed to plant in the Tower's foundations in an earlier raid": link to the raid?
 * 48) **Stubtastic-length article created and linked. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) * "These charges could not be used then as they did not have the remote detonator needed for a controlled explosion." When? The chronology isn't clear here because of the verb tense. Please clarify.
 * 50) **Clarified. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) * "Insisting that Carrick was still dangerous": how so?
 * 52) **Reworded. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) * "from the dark side in Carrick": can this be worded better at all? If not, please clarify how the "dark side" being in Carrick is different from basically every Jedi's temptation with it in some form or another.
 * 54) **Reworded. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * "which the patrol passed off as Carrick "recruiting"": please reword this awkward phrase somehow.
 * 56) **OS's Mandalorian euphemism, reworded. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) * I may be missing something here, but it really isn't clear how Carrick was able to avoid arising Gormer's and the Mandalorian patrol's suspicions. Please clarify.
 * 58) **Both should be clear now. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) *I again recommend that you try and go through the article to make sure that all the context in the article is absolutely necessary. While yes, context is needed to understand the storyline, this article is still about the Jedi Tower and nothing else. I will be going through the article one more time with you after all of these are fixed to make sure that everything is in good shape.  CC7567  (talk) 19:11, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) **I've asked Cylka for her advice on the superfluous context. This objection and the first, fourth and fifth of your second batch of objections will be addressed when this is done. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I've changed the two quotes involving just two speakers from some form of to  per Tranner's comment below for Luuke.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  22:36, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

ZeHethbra

 * Nominated by: --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:47, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Do you remember Clyngunn? From Zahn's Thrawn Thrwilogy books? Doesn't ring a bell? Oh, well, nonetheless we at WP:AS need a featured article about a species starting with a Z.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Time to party!  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  10:36, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) It's my party and I'll spray if I want to. ~ SavageBob 16:11, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 11:29, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Nayayen
 * 2) * What do you mean by "could naturally segregate a biochemical spray"?
 * 3) **Oopz. Changed.
 * 4) * If they always have a white stripe on their face then why doesn't the one in the infobox have one? That at least this one didn't have one should be mentioned somewhere.
 * 5) **Added to BtS; he might use a dye or he might belong to a specific group or anything, but OS does not tell.
 * 6) ***Forgot to save it perhaps? I don't see anything new.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  09:37, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Added now, sorry. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:43, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * "Although the ZeHethbras did recognize no less than eighty individual groups in times of the Empire, other species could only see up to six different ZeHethbra groups." I don't get the second part of this sentence, were they rare or difficult to distinguish? Please clarify.
 * 9) **2nd option. Added.
 * 10) *Good work otherwise, Skippy.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  22:30, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thank you for your review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:05, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 13) * "he was approached by Grand Admiral Thrawn, who wanted to ensure that Clyngunn would keep his apolitical stance." Whose stance, Thrawn's or Clyngunn's? If the latter, what was this stance? ~ SavageBob 03:50, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **Changed.
 * 15) * Is there any indication of interactions between ZeHethbra and Gran, who also colonized the Malastare system?
 * 16) **None.
 * 17) * Is there any discrepancy between sources as to the plural of ZeHethbra? I seem to remember the WEG books using the same word for both singular and plural, though I could be misremembering. Either way, be careful, because the article currently uses both forms.
 * 18) **In fact, no source says "ZeHethbras". That form has been removed from the article.
 * 19) *That's it! Good work. ~ SavageBob 03:50, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thank you for your review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:26, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) *I noticed a bit more during my copy edit:
 * 22) ** Can we get a link and an article for the ZeHethbara–Dug war?
 * 23) ***Done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:17, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) ** What do you mean by "a vernacular language"? Is there an official language as well?
 * 25) ***Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:17, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) ** The "Biology and appearance" section says that they have vestigial tails, fangs, etc. Can you add something about this to "History," since this means that these parts were once more developed in their evolutionary past?
 * 27) ***Added, trying not to be too repetitive. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:17, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) ** I'm not sure the contrast between ZeHethbra becoming Jedi and ZeHethbra taking military jobs is OK; the Jedi were quite military in the Clone Wars, for example. Can this be rephrased?
 * 29) ***Reworded, trying to not establish a direct relation or contrast between two possible jobs. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:17, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) ** Can you add something to History about the ZeHethbra's neutrality during the Galactic Civil War? That is all. I zhall be happy to zupport zoon, a azzure you. ~ SavageBob 16:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:17, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) Do we know that is an image of Raije? --Eyrezer 04:26, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) *I know he is, and I am telling you, so now we both know it. The image is uncaptioned but it appeared next to the text describing Raije; and there's another picture of "mystery skunk-like furry" holding Raije's characteristic Wookiee bowcaster and hunting a character that, following the text, is Raije's prey. Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:06, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) **Sorry to butt in, but Is this image reprinted from No Disintegrations? The image info page says it's from Alien Encounters, which only depicts "generic" members of the species as far as I know, but then the Raije page says he only appears in No Disintegrations. ~ SavageBob 15:16, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Hey, in fact he isn't. I was wrong, Bob was right, Raije was burlier. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:10, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * Can you add something about their whiskers, number of fingers, and ears? Possibly their clothes and earrings, too. Other than that, very clean. --Eyrezer 12:42, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:00, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * It might be a good idea to swap a couple of images around so that the taller, thin images go with the longer sections and the short, squat images go with the shorter ones. Currently, the image of Raije is breaking into the next section below it. I'll review this soon! :) ~ SavageBob 03:11, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, but still with image saying something about the text, I hope. Swapped a little. Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:26, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Dllr Nep

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:57, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Best read over a few mugs of the juice!

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support Object Comments
 * 1) Just a couple of tense tweaks. Excellent read, GT. Maybe one of my new favorite characters. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:14, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) ". . .who distinguished himself on the mission to Mrllst . . ." Should this be Mrlsst? <span style="color: Blue (pigment)">Axinal  Convocation Chamber 21:48, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes it should. Changed. Green Tentacle (Talk) 01:24, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Pacithhip

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 06:09, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An oldie but goodie. ~ SavageBob 06:09, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 14:04, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) The wolfman mask isn't realistic enough. Put an elephant head on this guy and replace him. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:21, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 03:22, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:48, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Any quotes for the sections in the body?
 * 3) * "their preferred approach to dealing with the disagreeable (even something as fundamental as dislike of the caste system) was to let it be and endure." Please reword sans parentheses.
 * 4) *Aaaaaaaand that's all. Another good species article, SavageBob.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 20:43, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks for the review! Unfortunately, there are no quotes, since no Pacithhip has had a speaking role in any Star Wars work, and the stories about them have been in sourcebooks or the Databank. The other objection should now be addressed. ~ SavageBob 21:34, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Actually, few Pacithhips have some speaking roles in The Phantom Menace game. But I dont think they are suitable for the species. Kreivi Wolter 09:59, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Skippy still wants to see a flyin' Pacithhip
 * 8) * Intro: "These came in three distinct patterns". I know you are talking about the tusks, but I think "these" is an ambiguous word.
 * 9) * Intro: "Pacithhip gained renown for their exploits. One such individual was a Pacithhip Jedi who..." and ITG: "Pacithhip earned fame for centuries. For example, a Pacithhip Jedi was a member of the Army of Light in 1,000 BBY." Did this person gain in-universe renown? Does the OS specify that all the members of the Army of Light in 1,000 BBY were individually famous?
 * 10) * ITG: "Paradoxically" - NPOV? Or does the OS specify that this was paradoxical?
 * 11) * ITG: "The Tatooine jerba was one rare breed they raised." Do you mean Pacithhip rarely bred jerbas? Or that the jerba was a rare animal which was bred by Pacithhip?
 * 12) * Could you expand somewhere on the Pacithhip from the video game you've mentioned in your answers to IFYLOFD?
 * 13) *Good job! Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:01, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **I've taken a stab at all of these except for the last two. As for the Tatooine jerba question, yes, the implication is that the breed is a rare one in general, but I think this should be clear. If the implication were that the Pacithhip did not breed jerbas often, rarely or seldom would be the words to use. I've pinged Kreivi about the game, so maybe something will come of that, too, though it sounds like little more can be gleaned from the game than what's already in the article (that Mos Espa had a Pacithhip population in 32 BBY). Thanks for your review! ~ SavageBob 21:14, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) Eyrezer:
 * 16) * Can you add some more detail to the B&A on the tusk patterns? Looking at the images, I can see two types of tusks: curving down and curving up. I know these may not be described in text, but the images are consistent enough.
 * 17) * "Pacithhip earned fame for centuries." This feels a stretch, if based on the JvS panel.
 * 18) * Looking at the Alien Encounters image, I'm pretty sure that is a lightsaber at his belt. Can this dude be alluded to?
 * 19) * No link or mention of Anakin Skywalker's friend? --Eyrezer 10:57, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **I'm not sure I can really say much about the tusks; they all seem to curve upward from what I can see, but angle of the shot can make them appear to go sideways or down. And I don't see the lightsaber. Which image are you referring to? The other two objection should be addressed. ~ SavageBob 01:48, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Re the tusks: this, this, and this all appear to me to continue on a plane, whereas this, this, this, and this appear to have an almost 90 degree kink in them. --Eyrezer 02:32, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) ***The image on page 115 of Alien Encounters looks to have a lightsaber. The image is not one used in your article --Eyrezer 04:09, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ****OK, thanks for the links and page refs. I've elaborated a bit more on the tusks, though I'm reluctant to assume that the angle of the tusks has anything to do with the genetic tusk pattern. As for the lightsaber guy, I see what you're talking about. I'm not sure how to allude to that dude, since he doesn't necessarily have to be a Jedi to have a lightsaber... Any suggestions? ~ SavageBob 01:42, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) *****I added half a line. Let me know if you feel it is warranted. --Eyrezer 05:44, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) ******Thanks, looks fine to me! ~ SavageBob 06:01, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) Toprawa:
 * 27) * For reference number 6, can we source the Republic: Emissaries comic to the more specific individual issue instead of storyarc to keep consistent with the article's other issue-referencing?
 * 28) * Also, you include the Jedi vs. Sith storyarc in the Appearances list. I am unfamiliar with the material; should this instead by listed by specific issues of the arc, if the species does not appear in every issue of the comic?
 * 29) * The same objection goes for reference number 17--please actually link to that individual issue; and going along with that, you include both the Episode II comic storyarc and the comic's first issue in the Appearances list. Unless you have a reason for this, only listing the first issue is necessary.
 * 30) * For reference 21, I would request you link to the more specific SW.com Atlas Companion page, using our SW.com citation template. An example of this can be seen in reference 5 here.
 * 31) * For reference 33, please link to the specific issue 43 article.
 * 32) * For reference 43, please reference to the specific storyarc issue for consistency.
 * 33) * Can we name or otherwise link to this Jedi individual? "One such individual was a Pacithhip Jedi who fought in the Army of Light during the New Sith Wars."
 * 34) * And here: "For example, a Pacithhip Jedi was a member of the Army of Light in 1,000 BBY"
 * 35) * And here? "while another Pacithhip was known to be a lightsaber wielder."
 * 36) * And here? "One worked as a podracer mechanic on Tatooine"
 * 37) * And here? "another performed in a band at the Boonta Eve Classic of 32 BBY"
 * 38) * And here? This one might not be necessary, however: "Another member of the species was part of a circus that performed on Coruscant."
 * 39) * And here? "Indeed, a Pacithhip was among other job seekers at the Coruscant Employment Center in 19 BBY."
 * 40) * And here? "Another Pactihhip shared a jigger of Merenzane Gold"
 * 41) * And finally, this may seem like a piddling objection, but in the Appearances where the article specifies "post-1997 releases only," I interpret that to mean that the species only appears in releases of the film following the 1997 Special Edition release, if you understand my meaning. Would it be fair to simply specify something along the lines of "Special Edition releases only"? Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:42, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) **OK, here's what I've done:
 * 43) ***Changed all references to comics to individual issues (with links to those issues);
 * 44) ***Created articles for the unidentified Pacithhip Jedi and unidentified Pacithhip podracer mechanic;
 * 45) ***Made image hard links for most of the other random Pacithhip, since there was virtually nothing to go on for most of them to create unique articles;
 * 46) ***Changed the post-1997 thing to "Special Edition releases only," per your suggestion.
 * 47) ***Identified the Pacithhip in Inside the Worlds of Star Wars Trilogy as Ketwol, as everyone else in that diorama is a character from the A New Hope cantina sequence, so it passes the duck test in my book;
 * 48) ***Changed the Essential Atlas Online Companion Link to a format that suits us both, thanks to the template change made by Master Jonathan.
 * 49) **What I have not done:
 * 50) *** Change the link to the specific page of the Essential Atlas Online Companion. I think you and I disagree over this, as I prefer to link to our article rather than the page itself (if we have an article for it, it seems a shame not to link.) Hopefully someone will eventually change the template to allow for both a link to the article and the page itself so we can both be happy! Any idea how to request such a change?
 * 51) ***Linked to the guy in the unemployment line, either for an article or an image. I think there's nothing at all to be said about him, so I'd normally opt for an image hard link, but it's a Hyperspace-exclusive webstrip, so I think it's against policy to nab an image. :(
 * 52) ****Bah. Fine, fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:11, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) ***Changed the Attack of the Clones appearances. The first you are seeing refers to the film itself, not to the comic; the second refers to the comic issue in which a Pacithhip appears. Thanks for the review! ~ SavageBob 20:31, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****It seems reference number 43 is still sourced to the storyarc. And, for that matter, I'm guessing it should be altered accordingly per issue in the Appearances list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:11, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) *****Is that what you had in mind? ~ SavageBob 21:39, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) ******Yup, good work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:48, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Vost Tyne

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 00:24, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Have some Tyne to review my article?

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 05:14, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Gotta love stereotypical villains. :) ~ SavageBob 05:59, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Very nice. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:57, May 7, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) One really minor thing: can you mention D-3P-O2 somewhere in the bio instead of exclusively in the P&T? It's relevant there, too.  CC7567  (talk) 05:00, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Added, and thanks for the review. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:13, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Prepare to the savaged...
 * 4) * Does the Empire "nationalize" things? Idunno; it just sounds weird, since the Empire is much larger than a "nation."
 * 5) **It's the wording the book uses, but I changed it to "taken over" anyway.
 * 6) * Can you replace every third or fourth instance of the word "Rebels" with a synonym (like Alliance operatives or something)? This is the one area where I found the prose a bit repetitive.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * Because much of his biography reflects an RPG scenario, shouldn't there be templates to signify that events don't necessarily go down this way? The only reason this wouldn't be necessary is if the path you've presented her has been canonized as official in some other source, like one of the encyclopedias.
 * 9) **I've added it to the second section of the Bio, since that's where player decisions come in.
 * 10) * The aspiring Jedi killed by Tyne should probably have at least a stub of an article, even if he or she is unnamed.
 * 11) **Created and linked.
 * 12) * "the plant had been working at only twenty-five of its total capacity"... 25 percent?
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) * "The Empire, however, demanded nothing less than one-hundred percent production capacity, and ordered Linden to bring production up to maximum capacity." This is a bit repetitive, since they demand 100% and order him to produce 100%, which seems like the same thing said twice in a row.
 * 15) **Removed the first part.
 * 16) * Secretary droid redirects to CZ-series communications/business droid, but seeing as how D-3P-O2 is another example of the type, it should probably be linked to from this article as its own article.
 * 17) **Created a stub for secretary droid, linked it in the article.
 * 18) * Please move the images so they don't interfere with the quotes (moving the image code below the quote codes).
 * 19) **Moved.
 * 20) * "nothing short of a slaughter for the Sekct" -- This is a bit ambiguous. I know you mean the Sekct would be slaughtered, but it could be interpreted the other way. Can you reword?
 * 21) **Reworded.
 * 22) * Can you include some note in BTS of who illustrated Tyne for the adventure? That's it. Excellent work. ~ SavageBob 04:26, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **Added, and thanks a lot for the review. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:30, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Relin Druur

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:23, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A main character from Crosscurrent; my longest FAN yet

(1 Inqs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) ShaakTi1138 18:24, April 14, 2010 (UTC). Great work :D
 * 2) I remembered to change the numbers this time! Also great work. Menkooroo 03:51, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) I admittedly enjoy your chosen ref name for Crosscurrent quite a lot. :P  CC7567  (talk) 05:20, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Haha :P Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice. Time for his nemesis ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:11, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) http://objection.ytmnd.com
 * 2) *Quick glance: You should mine for more bts info. On April 2nd at 5:44am, Paul S. Kemp shared his thoughts on Druur's fall. More from me later! Menkooroo 03:57, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Hmm, I'm not sure how much of that really falls into BTS material, because Kemp is essentially just explaining to darthjulian777 why Druur fell to the dark side, all of which is already in the article body. I considered adding the bit about his intentions on why he portrayed Hassin the way he did (and how it related to Druur's fall), but even that seemed like it would belong better in Hassin's BTS, rather than Druur's. Thanks for pointing me to the thread, though! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:22, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Yeah, you're probably right. But in the tradition of "actor and author comments", it might be worth noting in a quick sentence or two that Kemp saw Relin's fall as the result of something very human, and that he thought that Druur responded in a very human way to that loss --- or, even more interestingly, that Kemp states that Druur's rage at himself goes unacknowledged? I won't push this, but, ya know, think about it. Menkooroo 14:01, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Restating again what I said above: everything that Kemp says in that post really just restates what's already been said in the article, because it can all be found in the novel itself. Kemp was just explaining to someone on the forum boards who, for whatever reason, couldn't understand why Druur fell to the dark side. But we obviously get it here, so there's really no point in adding that info to the article, when its already there. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:58, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Fair enough. Like I said, I'm not going to push it. Menkooroo 06:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * There are a few instances where you talk about how Druur fought Rrogon or Massassi Warriors, or that he incapacitated people --- I know he's a Jedi, but you should still probably mention that he did so with his lightsaber.
 * 8) **The problem is that a lot of the time, he did so with the Force, rather than with his lightsaber, and to point out for each separate instance which was which would be far too play-by-play. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * Second duel with Rrogon: "As he waited there for Rrogon to arrive: --- why was he waiting for Rrogon? All that's been mentioned so far is that his mission is about destroying the Lignan.
 * 10) **Fixed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) * Is the "meanwhile" necessary? The text hasn't changed scenes here or anything.
 * 12) **Removed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Heh, I actually meant a different meanwhile. The one you removed was just fine. Menkooroo 16:51, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Oh, well since you didn't specify, I thought you meant the one that was right next to the text of the above objection. Which one did you mean, then? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) *****Wow... I'm sorry for dropping the ball on this one. A simple control f would have prevented my buffoonery. :^P Anyway: "Meanwhile, Druur decided that—as he was no longer a Jedi—he would not use a Jedi weapon, and threw aside his lightsaber." The other meanwhiles were great, but this one jumped at me, since it was only going from one dude to the dude right in front of him. Sorry again. Menkooroo 23:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ******Haha no problem, mistakes happen. :) Done. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:56, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) *That's all. Well done! Menkooroo 06:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * As a note, please try to avoid linking excessive clauses together with gerunds (the -ing forms of verbs); I've found that saying "Druur continued drawing on the power of the ore as he died, finally unleashing it upon the Harbinger, destroying the ship." tends to be rather long-winded.  CC7567  (talk) 05:20, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Noted, thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Rivoche Tarkin

 * Nominated by: jSarek 08:22, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I present to you Voren Na'al's wife!

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) I would have tried this myself, but I lacked some sources. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:56, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Really watch your linking and formatting though. I had to fix a lot of stuff.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  14:48, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:54, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy and more WEG stuff
 * 2) * Early years: Context on Grand Vizier.
 * 3) **CRO doesn't provide any more context. While it's reasonable to assume it's Sate Pestage, the book doesn't say it.
 * 4) * Extraction: You said that Vader recommended Sollaine (1st paragraph) and later that Vader was a rival of Sollaine (4th paragraph). Firstly: Why did Vader recommend his rival for that job in first place? Second: If Vader and Sollaine were indeed rivals, this deserves a mention in the 1st paragraph.
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) * Strange formatting under BtS; italics where there shouldn't be any and vice versa. Have a look.
 * 7) **Yeah, caught that after I posted. Should all be cleared up now.
 * 8) * Rivoche's main image was also used for a "Generic arrogant noble PC" in at least some WEG books. This merits either a BtS mention about it (including credit to the artist of the image), or even adding more information from the "noble" PC that might be Rivoche.
 * 9) **Info added. I don't think going into detail about the noble there provides any useful information regarding Rivoche, though, since other than the picture and Rebel tendencies, they have little in common.
 * 10) * The Thrawn Trilogy Sourcebook re-uses text from Heir to the Empire Sourcebook, Dark Force Rising Sourcebook and The Last Command Sourcebook. Have you confirmed that Rivoche is not mentioned in any of these?
 * 11) **As far as I can tell, Rivoche is only mentioned in the introduction to the TTSB, which was newly created for that book.
 * 12) * Careful with using two successive footnotes to the same reference. Only the last one is needed, and the other only clogs the page. I've editted some myself, but please confirm there are none I could have missed.
 * 13) **Actually, those were on purpose; I was specifically trying to make sure that if a sentence was created from two or more sources, that both were cited for that sentence.
 * 14) *This was a nom I've been eager to see for a long time! Thank you very much! Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:00, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **My pleasure; I've been wanting to tackle Rivoche for quite some time. jSarek 09:46, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) The Grand Master
 * 17) *"After her father's death, she lived with her uncle, where she came to question&hellip;" The "where" doesn't really work here, unless you specify exactly where her uncle lived.
 * 18) *No link for the Imperial/Milennium Falcon battle at the Liberator?
 * 19) *Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:36, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 21) *Just a couple of things. First, in the intro, it'd be good to have context on a few of the items mentioned: New Order, Biggs Darklighter, Airen Cracken (it's unclear he's a Rebel), Cavv and Arkel (perhaps note they are Alliance ops or something)
 * 22) *Ditto with context for New Order in the body.
 * 23) *The final sentence of the first paragraph of "Early life" seems to repeat a lot of info from the previous sentence (cruelty around her, etc.). Can these two sentences be merged perhaps?
 * 24) *Context on CompForce.
 * 25) *Should that be Historian Corps?
 * 26) *"Just prior to her engagement party to Caglio on Corulag, the Empire uncovered evidence of a deep-cover operative in the form of highly encrypted datafiles, and Emperor Palpatine considered locating this operative of paramount importance." This sentence seems a bit unclear. Does this mean that the Empire found encrypted datafiles that pointed to the existence of a spy in their midst? Is the locating of the operative of paramount importance, or is the operative of paramount importance?
 * 27) *The article is vague on dates, which is understandable, but there are a few events for which we have firm dates that could be used to give the timeline a bit more concreteness. For example, the assignment of Vader to Executor has a firm date, I believe.
 * 28) *Na'al is mentioned early on and then doesn't come back up again until after her extraction. Could you remind us again of his full name and who he is?
 * 29) *"Rivoche was displeased to learn that Na'al was leaving on a special mission on behalf of Mon Mothma to Exocron in 19 ABY..." Which Na'al, Voren or Gideon? Top-notch work. I enjoyed it. ~ SavageBob 16:01, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) Toprawa:
 * 31) *The intro could use an expansion. Relative to the rest of the article body, it could probably be two moderately-sized paragraphs. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:22, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I fixed the instance of "son" in the intro. I'll give it a more thorough read-through tomorrow, as I'm off to bed.  But I figured I'd point that out as there might be some more erroneous instances of Rivoche being referred to as a "he."  Or that might be the only one.  Either way.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 09:11, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks. When I saw that, I couldn't believe I'd made such a silly mistake in the first place. Thanks for clearing it up. jSarek 09:47, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is there any reason why you don't refer to Pestage by name? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:53, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Bah, never mind. I missed that objection above. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:54, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Gray Jedi

 * Nominated by: &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:11, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first nom. This one started as a GAN but needed major work. After a number of helpful objections and a few rewrites, the improved article is longer and I was advised that it would be better suited as a FAN. I requested that it be removed from GAN so I could add it here. I look forward to addressing your objections so that I can improve the article to FA status. Thanks. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:11, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * In the second sentence of the History section, you link to Jedi Enclave, but I'm not sure if that was your intention, based on the context of the sentence.
 * 3) **My only guess is that I thought "Enclave" was just another term for "Academy", like "praxeum". I simply removed the link. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * I'm seeing several linking mistakes in the article, particularly underlinking, especially regarding events. Please make sure that you have everything linked once in the intro, and once in the body, and make sure you link directly to the correct page, and not to redirects. I've fixed a couple of these during my copy-edit to show some examples.
 * 5) **I'm not sure what the term "underlinking" refers to. That I'm not linking enough, especially to events? I will see if I can fix these and add more event-related links where appropriate. (might take me a day or so) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Yes, that is correct: "underlinking" means that there are missing links. And no problem, better to take some time and make sure you get it right than to rush through it and still miss some. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:53, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Okay, I did linking sweeps for 1) repeat links, 2) links to redirection pages, and 3) obvious missing links. I have yet to dig through events in order to find some more specific links for the article, but it's a start. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 17:30, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ****Done with adding event-related articles. Main focus was in the History section. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 15:43, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * "However, between the Great Sith War and the Dark Wars, the Jedi went from the height of their power to a mere remnant of their existence&hellip;" A couple things: first, could you provide actual BBY date(s) here, just for more solid clarification of the time? (Actually, it would be good to do so throughout other parts of the history section as well; you commonly refer to wars for keeping track of time, which is fine, but it would be better to include some ABY/BBY dates in there, too, even if they're "circa.") Second, how did they become a "mere remnant of their existence?" Do you mean their numbers dwindled, or that they lost control over the galaxy, or something else?
 * 10) **I assume dwindled but that text is very close to the source text. I wasn't sure, so I didn't assume. Source text: Between the Great Sith War and the Dark Wars, the Jedi go from the height of their power to a mere remnant of their existence. Unlike the Jedi of later years, the Jedi in a Knights of the Old Republic campaign are likely to be fractious and unwilling to bow to their own central authority&mdash;the Jedi Council. (KotORCG, p104) I added dates to the sentece, but I'm not sure I can clarify without making an assumption about what the author meant. Also, I added some dates throughout the history section. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **I just added a link to the First Jedi Purge in that sentence. I figure that there might be other types of "reductions" to the Jedi Order in that time, but the purge is the clearest example we have, and it did happen in the dark wars. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:16, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) * Please create a stub for Halcyon's battle with Tyris, if such a page does not yet exist.
 * 13) **Will do. Probably won't get to it tonight (need to check dates in the novel). Will post again when done. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **Article added for the Tyris duel. I also added an article for the duel between Bindo and Nayama. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 17:30, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Jensaarai participated in the Yuuzhan Vong War alongside the Jedi." Could you please provide me with a quote/page number that supports this sentence? After reading Edge of Victory II a couple weeks ago myself, I have a sneaking suspicion that this may refer to Kelbis Nu, whom I believe had become a Jedi by this point in time.
 * 16) **It was a reference to Kelbis Nu as far as I know. Clarified and added a date. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) *Sorry for not reviewing this sooner, I've been quite busy of late. The article is much improved; I'll continue with the Traits and techniques section once you work through these. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:15, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) **No problem, I will post again when I'm done with the linking fixes. It will take me some time to comb through the events. Thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **Okay, so just to sum up, I think I've hit everything except for doing an in-depth exploration for events that should be linked to in the article. I will post again after doing so. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 17:30, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **Last of the objections addressed. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 15:43, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * One more for now: does Star Wars Legacy 33: Fight Another Day, Part 2 say that Fel became Head of State of the Empire in 41 ABY? If not, please source this bit to Invincible: "Some time after 41 ABY, when Jagged Fel was selected as the Head of State of the Galactic Empire&hellip;" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:06, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) **Sourced to Invincible. Thanks for another copy-edit. I see that I went too far in the other direction adding event-related links. :) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:15, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Haha no problem, it can be hard to find the right balance of linking sometimes. When pipelinking things (linking like this: assassination attempt ), just try to link everything that directly relates to an event (such as in the above example). If the wording doesn't directly relate to it, then it isn't needed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:23, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * Continuing with "Traits and Techniques": "In fact, Gray Jedi have opposed those who did embrace the dark side, such as when Bindo opposed the Sith during the Great Sith War and the Jedi Civil War." Incorrect tense usage here.
 * 25) **What about: In fact, Gray Jedi opposed those who embraced the dark side; Bindo fought against the Sith Empire during the Great Sith War and again during the Jedi Civil War. ? &mdash;fodigg BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Yes, that's fine; the problem with the original phrase was the "have."
 * 27) * "Still, the Jedi claimed that Gray Jedi became tainted and carried the dark side's influence within them, even if they did not realize it." Do we know which Jedi in particular claimed this? This makes it sound like all Jedi that ever lived believed this. Perhaps it was the Jedi of Bindo's time, or maybe the New Jedi Order's Jedi? Or perhaps it was one Jedi in particular who said this? Are there any example that could be given here?
 * 28) **JATM source quote: According to the Jedi, these individuals become tainted and carry the dark side's influence within them, whether they realize it or not. Some people claim to have witnessed a slow metamorphosis of the persons' personalities over time as a result of tehir flirting with the dark side. So there is no specific example. However, I altered the text to Still, the Jedi Order taught that Gray Jedi carried the dark side's influence within them, even if they did not realize it. The above source text follows discussion of the Jensaarai, which tempts me to say "NJO", but it's speaking too generally. Simply saying "Jedi Order taught" I think makes it clear that this is an "official stance" and not necessarily a universally held opinion.  &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) ***Hmm, but we don't know that the Jedi Order as a whole taught that; saying "Jedi Order" in general leads the reader to believe all Jedi of all time did that, which I doubt is true. Also, I'm not sure that "taught" is a good word to use here, based on the source text. The source doesn't really say that the Jedi taught that to anybody; just that some Jedi thought that. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:00, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) ****I suppose that's the answer then. New text: Still, some Jedi thought that Gray Jedi carried the dark side's influence within them, even if they did not realize it. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:25, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) * "Some early Gray Jedi wore custom, gray robes. The Gray Jedi Jolee Bindo once wore a unique version of these robes." Please move this phrase to elsewhere in the section, as it does not really follow its current context.
 * 32) **I moved it to the History section, just under the Jolee Bindo paragraph, altering the text to Some Old Republic Gray Jedi wore custom, gray robes. Bindo once wore a unique version of these robes. to make it fit the context better. Without a proper "Equipment" section, I think it's best suited in the History section, especially as it only appears in one era. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) * "All Gray Jedi displayed the use of both light and dark side Force abilities, and have shown skill with techniques common to Jedi and Sith&hellip;" Tense issue here.
 * 34) **Changed to: All Gray Jedi displayed the use of both light and dark side Force abilities, and demonstrated skill with techniques common to Jedi and Sith, such as the ability to construct and wield a lightsaber, as well as some unique Force talents. Is that sufficient? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Yep; the problem before was the "have shown."
 * 36) * "The Imperial Knights were said to be&hellip;" Said by whom?
 * 37) **I will have to look it up in the Legacy Era Campaign Guide. Will post again when I have done so. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) **Source text, LECG, p43: Despite opinions to the contrary, Imperial Knights are every bit as capable in the use of the Force as their Jedi counterparts, though their training has considerably more martial focus. Changed the text to be stated as a bald fact rather than an opinion: The Imperial Knights were as capable in the use of the Force as Jedi Knights, though their training concentrated more on martial prowess. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 01:42, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) * "Imperial Knights displayed various Force abilities, such as Levitation, Telekinesis&hellip;" Isn't levitation a form of telekinesis? (If you mean self-levitation, and not just the levitation of other objects, please specify)
 * 40) **Doh! That should have been obvious to me. Clarified to self-levitation. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * "Other Gray Jedi have been known to wield powers such as Force thrust and Ionize." Tense issue here. Also, could we get a tiny bit of context for these powers, since their applications aren't as obvious or well known as things like telekinesis or mind tricks?
 * 42) **Tense clarified (tricky because these were powers listed in a "Gray Jedi" NPC stat-block, and not known Gray Jedi). Also added some context: Other Gray Jedi have wielded powers such as Force thrust, a telekinetic attack similar to Force push, and Ionize, an technique that deactivates and destroys machines. Note, I will have to double-check sourcing on this sentence, as the power descriptions for these might be in other source books. Will post again when sourcing is confirmed. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Hmm, tense issue remains. The problem is with the use of "have," as it changes the text from past tense to present perfect tense. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:00, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ****Removed "have" so it just says some Gray Jedi wielded. It just reads strangely to me for some reason. I'll have to watch that in my writing. Did a quick search of the article and found that the rest of the "have"s were all in quotes and not article content. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:25, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****"Ionize" power is from the KotORCG (p51), so that source is good. "Force thrust" is from the core rulebook. The sentence as been rearranged to allow for accurate sourcing: Other Gray Jedi wielded powers such as Ionize, a technique that deactivates and destroys machines, and Force thrust,[6] a telekinetic attack similar to Force push.[23] &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 01:42, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) * "and encouraged his students—Rosh Penin and Jaden Korr—to think of Force powers as mere tools. Penin fell to the dark side but was later redeemed, although Korr remained faithful to the light. Korr was later plagued with doubt over Master Katarn's description of Force abilities as tools." I'm not entirely sure how relevant this is to the article's topic, seeing as how none of these beings were considered Gray Jedi. Is it not enough to just say, as you already do, that using both light and dark side powers doesn't instantly make you a Gray Jedi? Thoughts on this?
 * 47) **I think that it helps the definition to show Plo Koon and Katarn's similarities when pointing out why they're not Gray Jedi. Katarn not only used dark side powers, he encouraged his students to do the same. I feel that's relevant considering he was still not considered "Gray" and was on the High Council. The fates of his students however, is not. I have truncated the sentence to: Similarly, Kyle Katarn, a light side Jedi who later became a member of the New Jedi Order's High Council, freely used light and dark side abilities, and encouraged his students&mdash;Rosh Penin and Jaden Korr&mdash;to think of Force powers as mere tools. This provides a complete example of Katarn, the relevant person, without needlessly elaborating on his students. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *Keep up the good work. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:05, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) **Thanks once again! I'll get back to you once I can dig through my sourcebooks. Also, random thought, should I add another image to the History and Traits sections? Or would that be too much? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ***I think if you shift around the current images a bit, you could add one more to either the History or the Traits and techniques section without making them too cluttered. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:00, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) ****I may try to add one to the History section, and I may end up putting the "Gray Jedi" section images on one side, as other organization articles do. But I would need to find a quality image first. I don't want to put something there just for the sake of putting it there. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:25, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Remaining concerns points addressed. Looking forward to more! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 01:42, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) *****Well done. I'm gonna be pretty busy this week, but I'll try to continue with the review in the next couple days. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:52, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) *Continuing on with the next few sections: "While the term could be used to refer to Force users who walked the line between light and dark&hellip;" Why the speculation here? It could be used? Do we know whether or not it actually was used in that way?
 * 55) *You jump from talking about the days of the Council consolidating power (which you have mentioned to be approximately 4,000 BBY or so in the history section) to mentioning Qui-Gon Jinn; please specify that Jinn is from a different time frame&mdash;the current wording implies he was one of the Jedi from that time.
 * 56) *"Jolee Bindo was a Human male Jedi in the time of the Old Republic." Could we be more specific time-wise? The Old Republic stretches across twenty-five thousand years. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:35, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added CUSWE link for you.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:51, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Tyvokka

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And here... we... go.

(0 Inqs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) RAWrnWaRthRAA RAA ROO. (You make me proud, Plo Koon) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:11, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) IRC reviewed. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:25, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Excellent work. ~ SavageBob 04:49, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Why does LucasFilm hate Wookiees?
 * 2) * Perhaps you should create an article on the ear-bud translators Stark uses?
 * 3) **I've actually removed the sentence wholesale. I put it in there as I was jotting down the events of the comic, but it's PbP, and largely irrelevant.
 * 4) * Context on Mount Avos.
 * 5) **In so far as Tyvokka is concerned, the relevant context is there: "the defensible position of Mount Avos."
 * 6) * The last sentence of the bio is rather confusing. It needs some context on Order 66 and the formation of the Galactic Empire.
 * 7) **Good point. It's in there now.
 * 8) * In the P&T, you use "humility" in both of the two first sentences. While this is merely aesthetic, would you mind using a synonym for one of them?
 * 9) **It's also poor writing on my part. :P Changed the second one to "modesty."
 * 10) * "The Wookiee Jedi Master was said to be able to "sense the future"—while he was kept focused on the present by his instinctive knowledge of the Force, he was also able intuit all the possibilities stemming from a given situation." The dash is really weird here. Perhaps a semicolon or just a comma would be better?
 * 11) **Used a semi-colon instead. Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 00:03, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) It should be noted in the BTS that he received an entry in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia. This should also be included as one of the sources.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:58, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) *Added it to the sources; as for the BTS, it doesn't really need to go there. It would mean listing all the other stuff he's been in, and he's been in enough stuff since his creation for it to not be remarkable that he's in CSWE. Thefourdotelipsis 14:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **OK. Good job, Fourdot.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) Before I review it, I've got two things for you. Most colors have links. Brown needs to be linked. Also, use the dialogue template only for three or more speakers; use quote for everything else.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) *Those are disambig pages, for the colours. I didn't think that we linked to disambigs. The quotes are fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 12:10, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) **Hmm. In that case, I could be wrong. I'll talk to some other people and find out.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:12, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ***We do link to colors, regardless of the fact that it's a disambig page. It's not a huge deal, but you should link for colors.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:58, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 20) * Is "Republic Classic era" an in-universe term appropriate to use in the main text of an article? (I'm really not sure, so please let me know!)
 * 21) **Yes, Republic Classic era is an IU era. It's "Rise of the Empire era" that's OOU. Don't ask me why we have it in infoboxes though...
 * 22) * No information from Jedi vs. Sith? ~ SavageBob 01:23, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **No, just a mention that he was Koon's master. Thefourdotelipsis 01:31, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * You might be lulled into thinking that he's interesting. Thefourdotelipsis 14:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Added CUSWE link for you.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:46, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Zevulon Veers

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 08:30, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first DE nom in a while.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cheers to Veers! Menkooroo 14:08, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Ears and heres, it's in the tears!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:46, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) http://objection.ytmnd.com
 * 2) * Second paragraph of bio: "grew" and "growing" used close together. A minor quibble, but can you change it up?
 * 3) **Changed.
 * 4) * The finest schools... in the galaxy? In the Empire? Finest by who's standards? I'm guessing the DE Sourcebook probably doesn't elaborate on that statement, but can you take a stab at clarifying it?
 * 5) **It's not outright stated, but I suppose the implication is that they're the finest schools in the Empire. Clarified.
 * 6) * "Veers was able to make it through his adolescence relatively smoothly." Can you clarify what this means? It seems like it's about his COMPNOR training, but I'm not completely sure.
 * 7) **Clarified.
 * 8) * Is the librarian the rebel squad leader's father? The wording is a bit ambiguous. Some readers may think that Laibach is her father.
 * 9) **Clarified.
 * 10) * You mention that Palpatine was resurrected without having mentioned he died --- since you mention the Battle of Endor previously, maybe throw in a quick mention of his death? I'm cool either way on this one and won't push it if you disagree.
 * 11) **Added.
 * 12) * "During this battle, Veers found himself in direct conflict with his father." Do you know if Zev was aware of that fact? The earlier assertion that he never saw or heard from his father again kind of suggests that he wasn't. If not, I'd suggest changing "found himself" to "was".
 * 13) **The NEGC is incredibly vague on this, but I see what you mean. Changed.
 * 14) * Does DE II refer to them as "commandoes (with an e)"? If not, commandos (without the e) seems to be the accepted spelling in SW (see Lando's Commandos, Katarn Commandos).
 * 15) **Good catch, there should not be an "e."
 * 16) * The bts image is really big. Kinda awkwardly so. Then again, this may just be the resolution on my computer at work.
 * 17) **Hm, it looks fine to me. I'll shrink it down by 50px anyway.
 * 18) *Wow, those are really nitpicky objections. Sorry. Great job and I love the DE noms. Menkooroo 05:44, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **Hey, no problem. You caught a lot of stuff most people probably wouldn't have, so thanks a lot for the review. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 13:37, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Does Dark Empire call the planet simply "Calamari"? Menkooroo 05:44, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Right, that's all it's ever referred to in the comic. I thought it would be best to call the planet whatever name it's given during that specific time period. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 13:37, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I figured that was probably the case. Menkooroo 14:08, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Rokur Gepta

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:42, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm happy with the way this turned out. He's a pretty cool character from an underrated series, and I think his article is now up to snuff. Oh yeah, and this is a former FA from a long time ago.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:42, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:57, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, but the final twist in his history, I'm sure I've read it before in Jim Meddick's Robotman. The pseudo-Crokes then said the unexpected real appearance could either be a moral maxim or at least a good plot for Twilight Zone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:52, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro will not nominate the Crokes in a near future
 * 2) * If Gepta spent decades researching the Toka, and then he contacted Lando in 4 BBY, then you should include the information on his research before saying what he did in 5 BBY (joining the Sorcerers), so that information is ordered chronologically.
 * 3) **Changed to present that information earlier.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * "The Millennium Falcon then left the atmosphere, much to Gepta's chagrin" I understand that the Falcon escaped (by jumping to hyperspace or anything). Anyway, if this is so, you should specify so.
 * 5) **Added that it escaped by going to hyperspace.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Gepta reflected on the fact that Shanga was the only person, aside from Calrissian, to stand up to him in millennia." Again, maybe this could be mentioned among the facts before 5 BBY.
 * 7) **Added it in the body, in the first paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * Battle of ThonBoka. Consider adding "Main article: Battle of ThonBoka" to the opening of this section (Just a suggestion).
 * 9) **The "main" template is something that has always annoyed me, and since it's linked in that section, I'd rather not use that template.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) * P&T: This is the first mention of Gepta having pets. Shouldn't they be mentioned somewhere in the history?
 * 11) **I'd say no, because they really aren't relevant to him aside from the fact that he liked them and occasionally fed crewmembers to them. That is, they don't really do anything, and certainly aren't vital to Gepta or the story. They're just a bit of an extra that reflect on him and his cruelty. It just doesn't fit in the body, I feel.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *I take my hat off to you.Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:26, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thank you, and thanks for reading it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) ***My pleasure, believe me. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:52, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Myneyrsh

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An FGAN that lost it's status because it had no Bts.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thank you for another species! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:56, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) * Just on a preliminary look, the BTS could be beefed up further. They were first mentioned in Zahn, but when was their background, culture, etc. first described and by whom? When were they first graphically depicted? Have their graphic depictions varied over time? How have the various RPGs treated them with relation to Humans (stronger? nimbler? quicker?). The article's in pretty good shape otherwise, but I'll look at the other sections next and report back here. :) ~ SavageBob 22:39, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Expanded. Thank you very much for the ideas. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:24, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***It looks better, but there are still some problems. First, I don't think the discrepancy in their appearance in the comics and the game supplements counts as a retcon. Rather, I would take it as simply two possible phenotypes for the Myneyrshi species, much like Land Calrissian doesn't look much like Palpatine, yet both are Humans. I think, as well, that the West End Games supplements were the first graphic depiction of the species, not the comic books (I'd guess they were first pictured in The Last Command Sourcebook]]. Also, please include the name of the artist who first illustrated them. Finally, please add some information on Myneyrshi character stats in the Wizards of the Coast version of the RPG. Good work so far, look forward to more ~ SavageBob 04:01, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I'veadded the WotC material and am woirking on getting the TLCS, but I'm not sure we can assume that that is a variation. Myneyrshi are recognized galaxy-wide (despite the forgetting of their planet) as a blue, glass covered being. The comic depiction has them as yellow with flesh as their outer-most layer, and without a snout. With Human and other species where the only difference between certain races is skin tone, they still retain the features and traits of the species. If they had the glass skin/snout or even just the latter, it would be different. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:42, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *****I just noticed that pic was from the Sourcebook, which is completely unfindable FSR. Added that it was their first graphic depiction. However, it's my understanding they didn't credit each individual picture to the artists back then, so I'm not sure how to find out which illistrator made it. The depictin in the comics wasn't a retcon, but more likely just a continuity/coloring error on the part of the drafter. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:32, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) ****** It's looking much better! Be careful about quoting game statistics too literally; most people don't understand what +2 to this or -2 to that means in real terms; I've fixed this for you. Also, be careful of UAA's lists of names; they are not "common" names, but "sample" names; I went ahead and made the change. As for my objections above, I would still like to see you name some authors and artists in "Behind the scenes." Who wrote them up in The Last Command Sourcebook? Who drew them for the first time? Who drew them incorrectly in the comic book? Because these people have played key roles in developing the species, I feel they deserve to be called out by name. As for the different appearance, I'm still inclined to say that because The Last Command comic book is a canon source, its depiction of the Myneyrshi is canon and should be reflected in the article. I'd like to hear what others think about this, though, so I'm open to counter-arguments! ~ SavageBob 01:59, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ****** Sorry; I didn't realize you had already replied as to the artist ID of the WEG sourcebook illustrator. I just checked my copy, and the original Myneyrshi illustration was done by David Plunkett. Hope this helps! ~ SavageBob 02:04, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) *******I've added all the artists and the writers. I think that the comic should be treated like a movie comic in respect to the difference. When there is no contradiction to the source material, it can be considered canon, while if there is one it cannot. This is similar to the differences in the duels of ROTS, like Windu v. Palpy or the Duel on Mustafar. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 17:29, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) ********OK, only the variant appearance issue remains unresolved. I've asked some other folks from WP:A to weigh in, as I still feel the comic version of the species should be considered canon, but I can see your reasoning too. Hopefully I'll be able to support soon enough once some more people give their opinions. :) ~ SavageBob 18:27, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Farlstendoiro thanks you for your guest nom to WP:AS
 * 12) * Intro: "strange blue crystalline flesh". Strange = NPOV ?
 * 13) **Definite POV.
 * 14) * Question: Why don't you link "knives" to combat knife?
 * 15) **I knew there had to be an article on knives somewhere.
 * 16) * Society: "their planetary neighbors, the Psadan" <- This might be understood as the people living in the neighboring planet. Maybe you should reword it?
 * 17) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:50, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) * "The Psadans were an unintelligent species" <- Sounds as if they were non-sentients. Maybe you could say "primitive" or "more primitive" or something?
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * "[C'baoth] tried to Force the Myneyrshi and the Psadan to cohabitate" Why do you use a capital F? You mean he used the Force to coerce them? Is it appropiate to use "the Force" as a verb?
 * 21) **It was a caps mistake.
 * 22) * History: In the first paragraph you talk about "the exploratory vessel" before telling us about it. What exploratory vessel? Maybe it could be solved simply saying "an exploratory vessel"?
 * 23) **Fixed.
 * 24) * "although thousands fled the war-torn planet, the Myneyrshi refused to leave their homeworld." So no Myneyrshi left? It was thousands of the other species inhabiting Wayland? Could you please specify this?
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "As the only native species of Wayland" The article says that Psadans are also a native species of Wayland ("another of Wayland's sentient species" in the intro). Contradiction; please change one.
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) *Made some edits to reorder sources; instead of [2][1][8] now it's [1][2][8], hope you don't mind. Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:15, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) **I don't. Thank you. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:50, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * File:Myneyrshi.JPG is in violation of rule #4. A re-scan wouldn't hurt, either, if you can find someone with a copy. --Imperialles 13:24, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) *Done, though the scan I found is about the same quality. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Yes, the Bts is very short. There really isn't much of anything to note about these guys.
 * In nominating this article, have you checked through all the original sources or just added the Bts? As nominator, you need to be able to verify it contains all information, and not just rely on the work of its original GA nominator to have done their job. --Eyrezer 02:21, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * I did check the sources, with the exceptions of the RPG suppliments as they'd completely slipped my mind. I'll rectify that as soon as possible. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:50, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Can you include an image from Legacy showing how the species is depicted there? Either a normal one or a mutated one could be helpful to the article. ~ SavageBob 04:03, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is how the one appears on the cover of Monster, Part 2 an accurate depiction? NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that's an accurate depiction of their monstrous, Vongformed look. You could use that one. ~ SavageBob 01:59, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Amber Comark

 * Nominated by Cull Tremayne 23:14, April 18, 2010 (UTC):
 * Nomination comments Spice-addicted hero:

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:49, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Cav:
 * 2) * Intro - two sentences immediately following one another use the phrasing "native to the Core Worlds" and "Native to Chandrila". Any chance of changing the wording or merging the sentences to avoid repetition? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:52, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Varied up the wording. Cull Tremayne 17:53, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Blitzer Harrsk

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 03:37, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Abbott! Laurel! Burns! Martin! Cher!

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) ...Cher? Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:02, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Waiting for Delvardus... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:48, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) With a name like Blitzer, I expect the next warlord to be named Rudolph. -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:35, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro
 * 2) * Pellaeon is overlinked.
 * 3) **That's what he gets for retreating. Fixed.
 * 4) * Context on Teradoc in his first mention. We do not know wether Teradoc is another Imperial warlord, a pirate, an officer of the New Republic, a crimelord; only that he was self-styled High Admiral.
 * 5) **He is actually called a warlord in the intro mention, but it's added to the body one now.
 * 6) * Consider adding the names of some of the other known warlords in the Tsoss Beacon meeting. Just a suggestion.
 * 7) **They aren't named, unfortunately. - Lord Hydronium 05:46, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:26, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added CUSWE link for you.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:02, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Treuten Teradoc

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 03:37, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Costello! Hardy! Allen! Lewis! Sonny!

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:49, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I see a red Stardestroyer and I waint it painted black. No colors anymore I want them to turn black (The Palpatones) Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:39, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:28, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) What nomination? We are the nominations! (Farlstendoiro)
 * 2) * "Teradoc beat Rogriss at Junction, winning him the allegiance of a number of Zsinj's ships, but Ackbar in turn soundly defeated him". Defeated whom? Teradoc, I guess, but could you please specify?
 * 3) * When you mention "red Victory-classs Star Destroyers", I would expand on the unusual fact that they were red: "Red-hulled" at least, or "that he ordered to paint red".
 * 4) * <S>"beneath the last officer he had served, Grand Admiral Thrawn". Suggestion: "Previous" instead of "last"? Thrawn was the last then, but not historically.</S>
 * 5) * Good job.Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:47, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) **Fixed them all, and thanks. - Lord Hydronium 07:22, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Bane Malar

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:41, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WTS is back, and this time... it's for money.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well, that was pronto. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) ~ SavageBob 07:31, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 03:32, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro and the potential Draethos guy
 * 2) * Bio: Was his telepathy a natural trait, or a developed skill? (Probably no source specifies, but just in case)
 * 3) **Natural, which has been added.
 * 4) * Kessel: "his was greatly feared". His what? Or maybe he was?
 * 5) **He was. Fixed.
 * 6) * Corellia: "The only was to remove the droids from the Meatlumps' hideout was to destroy them all" Words missing or something else. Please reword the sentence.
 * 7) **Typo. "The only way"
 * 8) * Tatooine: "Skywalker would somehow cause his death" You mean Malar's death? I initially thought you meant Jabba's death. Suggestion: Specify?
 * 9) **Malar's. Specified.
 * 10) * Tatooine: "The job botched" How was the job botched? We only know Malar had predicted his own death by connecting with Skywalker or something. Was Malar intimidated by this fact?
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * BTS: Can you mention that SWCCG was released by Decipher, Inc.? Just to avoid any confusion with WotC's SWTCG. Also, when mentioning SWGTCG
 * 13) **Specified.
 * 14) *Insert formula here ·:P Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:03, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks muchly. Thefourdotelipsis 15:09, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 17) *Just a few of things:
 * 18) ** First, "those he returned to confinement were usually haunted by him for a considerable amount of time afterward." I think you mean they were haunted by the memory of him, not Malar himself, but this is Star Wars, where spirits and ghosts and things exist, so it's probably best to clarify.
 * 19) ***Good point. Fixed.
 * 20) **S econd, "Although the character of Bane Malar is believed to have appeared in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi . . . ." Can you rephrase this to be active voice? Who thinks he appeared in ROTJ? If it's the DB entry, just say, "Although the DataBank entry on him claims he appeared in ROTJ..."
 * 21) ***Right you are. Fixed.
 * 22) ** No mention of him in Star Wars Chronicles or Behind the Magic? That's it! The rest is solid. ~ SavageBob 16:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ***That I do not know. I'll look into it. Thefourdotelipsis 01:37, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Don't worry about it. I SOFIXIT'ed it by checking myself, and there doesn't appear to be any trace of him in either source. Nice article, BTW. ~ SavageBob 07:31, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added CUSWE link for you.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:06, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * No CSWE entry or Chronicles appearance? --Eyrezer 03:32, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Aargau

 * Nominated by: Imperialles 15:58, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eh. --Imperialles 15:58, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yay for planets with too many vowels. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 18:12, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Remember me to never ask you for a loan. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:19, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:45, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:33, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 00:10, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Do remember to add all obscure and completely useless links. ;) -- 1358  (Talk) 13:51, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks...a planet ?!
 * 2) * I miss some info from Boba Fett: Maze of Deception.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:53, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **What specifically do you miss? I'm not going to include the sentence "In 22 BBY, Boba Fett visited the station, ran around some, collected his father's heritage, then left." --Imperialles 17:59, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Not in that way, but a mention of Fett as well as the meeting between Gorga and San Hill should be in there.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:10, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****The Gorga thing was already in there, but I clarified the sentence. What would you like me to add in regards to Boba? He did nothing notable while there (other than observing the aforementioned meeting, information with which he proceeded to ultimately do nothing about) and had no influence on the planet. But I'm open to suggestions, of course. --Imperialles 18:18, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Well I would just include a sentence that Boba Fett came to Aargau and got some of his fathers money.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:10, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) ******I heavily disagree with your views on what warrants a mention, but I added a small note stating that he visited the planet. --Imperialles 18:25, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Well if you think it is not important then it is fine now. If one of the Inqs has a problem with that mention, blame it on me.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:33, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Xicer takes a look
 * 10) * If "Aargauun" is the planet's demonym, it should be listed in the infobox.
 * 11) * "Aargau is named for the Swiss canton of Aargau near Switzerland's banking capital, Zürich." Source? You make this sound like a fact. If no source actually states that this planet was specifically named after the real-world Aargau, you should probably change the wording to make it sound less definite.
 * 12) *Otherwise, great. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 18:00, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) **Fixed. --Imperialles 18:08, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) You're missing the IBC and Bank of Aargau be placed in the affiliation field.  Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:26, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) *Linked to IBC. Linking to BoA might be a little superfluous, seeing as it was owned and operated by the IBC. --Imperialles 22:28, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) **Well done other than that. I'll give it another, more thorough read soon, but it looks clean. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:40, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) Farlstendoiro is impressed only by seeing this article being nominated
 * 18) * Early hist: Please some more conext on the Dawn Pyramid of Aargau?
 * 19) **Added all I could. My Atlas should be arriving in the mail in a couple of days. If I find there's more relevant stuff in there, I'll add it then. --Imperialles 08:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Once you get the Atlas, please scan it for references to Aargau.
 * 21) ****Checked and updated. --Imperialles 17:09, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * If Vicendi included the Dawn Pyramid in his Twenty Wonders as of 10,000 BBY, then the galactic community was at least familiar with Aargau at that point. Could you give that date in the text?
 * 23) **Aargau was discovered earlier than that according to the Atlas. I made it a bit clearer by giving an approximate date. --Imperialles 08:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * Galactic Civil War: Link to the CSA Charter, not only to the CSA. Also, context on it.
 * 25) **Expanded a bit. --Imperialles 08:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) * Dates for the Imperial Civil War, please. It is not an widely-known subject.
 * 27) **Fixed and sourced. --Imperialles 08:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * Later hist: Why did Aargau avoid the destruction wrought by the Yuuzhan Vong War? Was it too remote, too unconsequential, not offenssive enough to Vong eyes...?
 * 29) **That information is gleaned from maps in the Atlas. Aargau is outside the Yuuzhan Vong blob. I am not sure the Atlas explains why. --Imperialles 08:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * Inhabitants: "Little is known about the original native people of Aargau" You mean that in-universe, galactic citizens were unaware of that information, right?
 * 31) **You're right, that was not ideally worded. Changed. --Imperialles 08:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) * BTS: Authors for the first appearance, please?
 * 33) *Very good work. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:25, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) **Thank you. --Imperialles 08:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) IFYLOFD is here:
 * 36) * Could you give a little context on what the Three Statutes are in the intro?
 * 37) * "not only was it in close proximity to the politically important world of Coruscant, it was also surrounded by trade routes." Such as...?
 * 38) * "It was illegal to export Aargau's rare metals without proper approval, for non-Aargauuns to carry weapons (on the other hand, it was illegal for Aargauun citizens to be unarmed)" Please reword sans parentheses. Statements in parentheses read as casual asides, and therefore are unencyclopedic.
 * 39) * " the lowest, millions of years-old lower levels" Very redundant. Please reword.
 * 40) * "were home to a seedier—though not necessarily criminal by Aargauun standards—element" What exactly is this supposed to mean? What is criminal by Aargauun standards? Clarify.
 * 41) * In the Clone Wars section: A little context on the Separatist Crisis, please.
 * 42) * Context on the Corporate Sector Authority, please.
 * 43) * Context on Darth Vader as well, please.
 * 44) * "Between 10 and 11 ABY, following the resurrection of Emperor Palpatine, a battle between Imperial and New Republic forces was fought on Aargau." Any info on the outcome?
 * 45) *That's all. Good work.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 22:31, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) **I believe I have addressed your objections. --Imperialles 23:49, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not really an objection, but templates aren't typically used for Sources lists. Do you have any particular reason for putting them there?  Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 18:00, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * They were there when I started editing. I didn't put them there, and I don't believe there's a policy either encouraging or discouraging their use. --Imperialles 18:08, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah, I wasn't sure. Just checking. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 18:12, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Implied, if not flat-out stated here. Basically, every "source" is considered a "mentioned only." Thefourdotelipsis 18:13, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Taken care of. --Imperialles 18:19, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Peppi Bow

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:46, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Dave Filoni called her sexy.

(3 Inqs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  09:46, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:44, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Clean as usual. Good job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:40, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) That's just kriffin' messed up.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:34, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Dave Filoni is a pervert.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:36, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) That's put mildly. He is a freak.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:00, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) He likes to put tubetops on any female character it seems. 9_9  JangFett  (Talk) 17:38, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * "Shortly after the beginning of the Clone Wars, the Gungan's herd became skittish when near the eastern swamps, in much the same way they had during the Trade Federation's Invasion of Naboo ten years prior." Why would this be a concern? Clarify.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * "and after they were captured by Confederate forces," After who were captured? Bow? The politicians? All three? Clarify.
 * 5) **Clarified.
 * 6) * "she noticed a change in her animal's behavior when they neared the eastern swamps" What kind of change? Clarify.
 * 7) **Clarified.
 * 8) *That's it. Good job.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 22:42, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:12, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) One thing, "...who returned to the planet to discern the origins of the battle droids". This seems like it could be better worded. Right now, it sounds like they're trying to find the droid's maker (or something like that) rather than where these droids were on the planet. Good job otherwise ^_^  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  22:27, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) *It's been altered. Give it a look-see, and thanks for the review. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 04:35, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) Just one: "Vindi&mdash;the Confederate scientist who developed the virus&mdash;planned to escape the Jedi in a Sheathipede-class shuttle&hellip;" Please check the wording here. He planned to escape them?  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:25, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) *Give it a look-see and let me know if that clears it up. Thanks for the review! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 01:34, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added CUSWE link for you.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:41, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Duel in the Dathomir landing meadow

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:38, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The final event of Backlash; complete with some spoilers regarding the beginning of Allies as well. I give to you another Legacy era/Fate of the Jedi article!

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Awesome.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:00, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:59, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:05, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) —Tommy  9281 01:15, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Context for Luke Skywalker in the intro.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Context on the Lost Tribe of Sith in the Prelude section.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * Context on Sinkhole Station.
 * 7) **The sentance was quite long-winded when the station was contextified, so I've pipelinked instead.
 * 8) *That's all. Good job.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:05, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review, Floyd. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 00:18, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Sriluur

 * Nominated by: Imperialles 00:11, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Done on a whim after skimming through Grimorg.

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Excellent work. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 01:15, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice place to visit, but wouldn't wanna live there. ~ SavageBob 16:01, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 02:10, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) -- 1358  (Talk) 14:24, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:39, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) * No mention of the Houk under "Inhabitants"? As colonists to the world, I think something should be said of them here.
 * 3) **They're mentioned, but I can expand their mention quite a bit, if you want. --Imperialles 10:03, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Expanded on them a bit, what do you think? Would more detail be preferable? --Imperialles 12:47, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * The "Behind the scenes" assumes there is a conflict among sources, but is it possible the capital city changed over time? How does that work with the chronology of these sources?
 * 6) **Pretty much all the RPG sourcebooks are set primarily during the Rebellion era, so the chronology doesn't add up, sadly. --Imperialles 10:03, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) ***After carefully examining the sources involved, your "changed over time" idea is quite viable. The whole section has been removed. --Imperialles 10:33, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * Does the world actually appear or get mentioned in the adventures within Secrets of the Sisar Run, or is it only in background material? If it actually appears, please add the individual adventures to "Appearances". That's just on a quick glance; I'll be back with more when I get a chance to read through thoroughly. Looking forward to it, though! ~ SavageBob 04:25, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **It's in the individual adventures and the background information. Do you want me to add the adventures to Appearances, while keeping the book itself under Sources? --Imperialles 10:03, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Fixed. There were a couple of minor, paragraph-long "story ideas" in the sourcebook as well, but I am unsure whether to add them or not. --Imperialles 12:47, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **** If they have names, I'd go ahead and create articles for these adventure ideas/hooks. I've done this before, as this is the only way to really get around the distinction we make between "Sources" and "Appearances" for these adventure seeds, which other works have referenced and, thus, which have to be considered as having "happened". See "Trouble at Galaxy Ways" for one example of an article on one of these adventure outlines. ~ SavageBob 00:56, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *****All adventures now accounted for. --Imperialles 13:09, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) IFYLOFD likes him some Weequay:
 * 14) * "The planet had enormous reserves of copper, but this resource went largely untapped by miners." Why not? Clarify.
 * 15) * Context on Xim please.
 * 16) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:47, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) **Added a little context on Xim. None of the sources state why the copper was left untouched, just that it was. --Imperialles 00:58, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Knight Hammer

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 08:05, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Take that, Tranner!

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 04:13, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:26, May 6, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Just a few things...
 * 2) * You should very briefly mention the Battle of Endor and the warlordism that occurred afterward somewhere in the beginning of the History section, otherwise I don't have much context on why Delvarus "established his own personal satrapy" or why Daala wanted to "reunite the fragments of the Empire."
 * 3) * Could you link Battle for Yavin 4 somewhere in the body?
 * 4) * Do you know whether the Victories were I or II class models? The current link leads to a disambig. Similar deal with the Imperials.
 * 5) * Could you find some quotes for the body, if possible?
 * 6) * Could you beef up the Bts by a few sentences? Maybe just mention some of the other sources its been referenced in?
 * 7) *Otherwise, nice work. Can't wait to see the next Exie you guys will work on. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 17:33, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) **All addressed or discussed in IRC. Thanks for the review. - Lord Hydronium 04:04, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Tranner takes that, and raises you a few objections:
 * 10) * More context on the Galactic Voyager in the intro and body, please.
 * 11) **Of what sort were you thinking? Both already establish it as Ackbar's ship.
 * 12) ***Mentioning that it was a Mon Calamari cruiser would be fine. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:23, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Added.
 * 14) * If I recall correctly, an article was recently created for Delvardus's fortress world. Please link to that.
 * 15) **Done.
 * 16) * Is the system where the Night Hammer was located the same as the system in which Delvardus's fortress world was located? The wording isn't very clear on this.
 * 17) **Clarified.
 * 18) * Is there an article for the Battle of Khomm that Cronus participated in? If so, it should be linked to. If not, an article should be created and then linked to.
 * 19) **Added.
 * 20) * Lastly, I seem to remember the reason for the name change as a pun on the term "Jedi Knight." Does Darksaber allude to this at all?
 * 21) **Well, it's not really said out loud. The fact that it's a joke related to the Jedi is there, and I've made the Jedi connection more obvious in the body. I figure that sticks close enough to what's in the source while implying the obvious to the reader.
 * 22) *** Just one more thing, then: "as a symbol of her planned destruction of the New Republic through the Jedi" can be a bit misleading (i.e., it could suggest that Daala planned to use Jedi Knights to attack the New Republic). Please reword this to clarify that the Jedi would be destroyed as well. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:23, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Fixed and got to use the word "annihilation". - Lord Hydronium 05:31, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) *Not bad. The SSD competition continues. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:08, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks for the review. - Lord Hydronium 04:10, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Cut Lawquane

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 21:30, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: What an interesting guy.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Does he have a brother called Nick by any chance? (sorry, that was terrible XD) <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 20:04, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Object style="color:purple">Trayus Academy ]]) 23:10, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) In the intro, you say that Lawquane's "transport was crashed by two Confederate gunships." Can you rephrase that? I don't think "crash" is supposed to be used that way. -LtNOWIS 01:14, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Did some minor tweaking. Tell me what you think. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 05:36, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Looks good. -LtNOWIS 04:50, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Nayayen
 * 5) * "As Lawquane avoided being detected by the Republic, the family..." This sounds like it should be "As Lawquane wanted to avoid being" or "So that Lawquane could avoid being" or something like that. It doesn't sound quite right as it is.
 * 6) **Addressed
 * 7) * "told the former clone" He is still a clone, just not a soldier.
 * 8) **Addressed, and fixed all other cases.
 * 9) * "The resulting crash caused many clone troopers to be either wounded or killed." This wording sounds odd. You don't say that something caused people to be wounded, wounded as a result maybe. And the repetition of "caused", although the preceding sentence is best worded as is, sounds off so you may as well kill two birds with one stone here.
 * 10) **Addressed
 * 11) * "Despite Lawquane tried avoiding...were hunting Confederate General Grievous." Eh? That whole sentence makes no sense.
 * 12) **Should be good now.
 * 13) * "Suu told her husband of why Rex was their, and..." Do you mean to say there or their guest?
 * 14) **Addressed
 * 15) * Would it hurt to say that Rex wouldn't turn them in because he "wouldn't remember due to his injuries"?
 * 16) **It's fine as is.
 * 17) * "Memories of the his squad crashing following the Battle of Geonosis haunted him, and would recall those memories he had to others, such as Rex." There's a few articles/pronouns missing here.
 * 18) **Addressed
 * 19) *Good work, but a few careless mistakes. <font face="Agency FB" size="3"> NAYAYEN : TALK 10:15, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thanks for the review.  JangFett  (Talk) 18:58, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Trayus Academy:
 * 22) * You have a few problems with perspective in the intro. You introduce him as a former clone trooper, but by saying that you're speaking specifically from the prospective that you're given in the episode. By saying something along the lines of "Cut Lawquane was a clone trooper of the blah blah blah that later deserted the Grand Army of the Republic," you can improve flow quite a bit as well.
 * 23) **Addressed
 * 24) *The sequencing of events in the beginning of the intro's second paragraph is similarly from the POV of the audience, and not Lawquane's or an omniscient viewer.
 * 25) **Addressed; hope that helps.
 * 26) ***Eh, this still needs some alteration. Something like "While Lawquane was away from the farm delivering his first harvest, the homestead was visited by a squad of clone troopers looking for refuge for their wounded captain." ... or something.
 * 27) ****Sounds good.
 * 28) * Your method of explaining the reasons for Lawquane's desertion in the intro is a bit confusing. Please reword. "While Rex deemed Lawquane to be a deserter of the army, the former clone trooper simply felt that he had a choice of deserting the Republic, as he was an individual who had a life.
 * 29) **I replaced that sentence, and modified the previous.
 * 30) * You also make it sound as if the children activated the droids from within the homestead.
 * 31) **Addressed
 * 32) * Again, in the beginning of the bio, you introduce him as a former clone trooper, while at this time he wasn't yet former.
 * 33) **Addressed
 * 34) *"In 22 BBY, following the Battle of Geonosis, the first battle of the Clone Wars, Lawquane and a team of clone troopers were onboard a transport, soon to be caught between two Confederate gunships." You're going to want to reword this, as it's rather choppy as it stands.
 * 35) **You didn't really reduce the choppiness by the sentences. You can keep it as one, but streamline it and cut down the commas.
 * 36) * Are you certain it was artillery that the gunships used?
 * 37) **Seeing that would be the best choice, it wasn't explained. But, Lawquane's dialogue may suggest it. I removed it, though. Speculation.
 * 38) * Overall that first paragraph needs to be better organized, as it's extremely choppy and difficult to read through at the moment - particularly the last sentence.
 * 39) **Addressed
 * 40) * "When the clone captain awoke and attempted to use his hand blaster," - use it for what?
 * 41) **Addressed
 * 42) * This is grammatically worded strangely - "The former clone trooper also offered Rex to join his family for their evening meal."
 * 43) **Addressed
 * 44) ***It was still pretty rough. I fixed it up myself&mdash;feel free to alter it if you don't like it.
 * 45) * "As Lawquane began arming himself with a blaster rifle and carbine, Rex started to organize their attack strategy, although Lawquane ordered Rex to protect his wife and children, as he was their last line of defense if something happened to Lawquane." - lengthy and has a lack of flow.
 * 46) **Addressed
 * 47) * "Cut Lawquane didn't believe in the Clone Wars" - saying you don't believe in something means you don't think it exists. You need to say something like "the principals behind the Clone Wars"
 * 48) **Should be better now.
 * 49) * "He would recall those memories he had to others, such as Rex." - There's not any evidence that he told anyone else these stories.
 * 50) **Addressed
 * 51) *I'll review it again after others have given it a look, but I would really like for you to look at the edits I made. I had to remove a lot of superfluous wordage (mainly "however"s and "although"s and "while"s) that seem to be a trend in your writing. They seem to be a major problem that causes the choppiness in certain areas. A would suggest that you read paragraphs aloud to yourself after writing them&mdash;I do this very often, and I know it's definitely helped me. If something doesn't sound right, there's usually a better way to word it. Darth Trayus  ([[User talk:Dark Lord Trayus|<span
 * 1) **Yeah, it's always good to vary the words I would normally use. Thanks for the review and suggestion, Trayus. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 23:38, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) ***Not only variance, but sometimes you simply don't need them at all. I did some further edits, please look at the article comparison to see the kinds of things you should remember to do and not to do for future articles. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 00:42, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I would suggest you find a new main quote, as the current one doesn't really tell us anything about him that the article title doesn't. I would go for "to each his own," but it's up to you. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:19, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * In the introduction and in the biography-part are both '...are girl named Shaeeah and a boy named Jekk. Can you fix it, please? &#123;&#123;ERS:Benutzer:Nahdar Vebb}} 13:05, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed.  JangFett  (Talk) 13:25, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Bal'demnic

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 07:09, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WTS. Star Wars... by real, tangible people. Not those magical other people.

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well-written and interesting. Plus, a planet article. --Imperialles 13:00, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) How could I not? My girl fought there, albeit briefly.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:07, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:35, May 7, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * GA that has been embiggened by the power of healing and Atlas. Thefourdotelipsis 07:09, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Lucksprite

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 22:06, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Lucksprite vs. the Tumblebunny trainer: cage match. One will stand. But one will fall. ~ SavageBob 22:06, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Imperialles 15:47, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Short, easy read. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:08, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:36, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Intro: "Lucksprites could take great pleasure in carrying out their duties" This implies that using their powers was some sort of duty, as if dealing out good and bad luck was somehow their natural mandate. Consider rewording it. --Imperialles 10:45, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed, I see. I'll give it a proper read-through soon. Seems quite good thus far! --Imperialles 21:41, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa:
 * 4) * Since all we're basing the species' height figure on is a visual comparison, can we at least say "approximately" 0.66 meters in the infobox to avoid asserting such a precise figure?
 * 5) * I believe we can use a Hyperspace citation template for Castaways of Endor. Please do so. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:29, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) **Done, done. Thanks for the review. ~ SavageBob 19:55, May 7, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Barpotomous Drebble

 * Nominated by: Cull Tremayne 06:01, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to restore this article to FA, as it was only minor issues that got it de-FAd, as I understand it. Cull Tremayne 06:01, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Comments
 * 1) Can you find a source for Billy Dee having advertised Colt 45? A youtube video'd probably do it. Also, maybe add "the actor who played Lando in Empire and Jedi" after you mention Billy Dee? Menkooroo 02:50, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Good point, added. Cull Tremayne 04:19, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Mandalore Defense Resolution

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 08:10, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None.

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:15, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Completely deserves to be FA status. Great job, Trayus! Bella&#39;Mia 03:44, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Read through last night, and it's excellent.--Jedi Kasra (comlink)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:39, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice to see more TCW Mandalore stuff.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 16:29, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *Ah and the attack on that cruiser has also a link.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 16:32, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **I added the link. Thanks Lee. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 20:05, May 6, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "The opinion of the other Mandalorian clans living on Mandalore outside of New Mandalorian society was unknown." OOU here, unless the source actually states that nobody knew what their opinions were.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:04, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *My apologies. That sentence and several others were added to the article by another user after the nomination. They've been removed. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:10, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa:
 * 4) * I believe Lee created an article for this Republic cruiser for one of his recent GANs. Please check and link accordingly: "who attacked a Republic cruiser around 22 BBY"
 * 5) *Other than that, not an objection, but I agree that the Marvel information isn't quite relevant enough to make a direct connection with the subject of this resolution and this article. It's probably best that it remains left out. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:12, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) **The cruiser's been linked, and I agree about the Marvel information for now&mdash;I'm sure some source will someday make a more direct connection, but you're right as it stands now. Regardless, Bella was on the right track in adding it. It's contributions and conversations like the one we had here that make this Wiki as thorough and community-oriented as it is. Thanks for the review, Tope. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:34, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Eelysa

 * Nominated by: Cull Tremayne 03:51, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: She's a scarecrow!

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) --Eyrezer 12:59, May 6, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lightside Explorer

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 04:39, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Me again.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:06, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) No categories?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 06:47, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Crap, lost them in the transition. Don't know how I didn't notice. Fixed.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 23:21, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Eh, it happens. Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:06, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Grimorg

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 04:39, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just barely over 1,000 words. Be nice.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Gave it the Inq treatment on GAN. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:52, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I remember this! (Well, sort of.)  CC7567  (talk) 05:00, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Voted for the GA, vote for the FA.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:35, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Very nice. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:52, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:33, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Everything is proceeding according to plan. —Tommy  9281 03:41, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

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Boz Pity

 * Nominated by: Imperialles 20:04, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Movie planet!

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 * 1)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:30, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:54, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) After a link check. ;) -- 1358  (Talk) 11:37, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

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 * 1) Just one small thing. Can you briefly explain why the electric caliphs agreed to wipe out the Gargantelles? Otherwise, the sentence about the caliphs immolating themselves has little context. Aside from that, awesome as usual.  Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 03:25, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

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Trunsk

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 15:19, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Using one of my all-time favorite WEG aliens to kick off a little WP:A side project on the species of the Colonies. ~ SavageBob 15:19, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

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Mission to Yavin 4 (Inter–Sith Wars Period)

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 06:12, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Honestly surprised it's this long.

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 * 1) Looks great to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:41, May 7, 2010 (UTC)

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 * 1) Some small objections:
 * 2) *The term "Reformed Sith Empire" makes me wonder which definition of "reformed" you're using. I'd prefer "re-founded" or "reconstituted" or something along those lines. Ideally, an official adjective would be uniformly used to distinguish this Sith Empire from the others across all articles, especially Sith Empire and the disambiguation page. In the intro you describe it as the "exiled Sith Empire". It'd just be great if we got something from BioWare on this.
 * 3) **I use the term reformed, as it was reformed under the leadership of the Emperor. I'll replace it with re-constituted for now. I would advocate usage of something along the lines of Sith Empire-in-exile, but it would only be considered "in exile" up until its return from unknown space. Keep in mind that self-imposed exile is still exile, so the term "exiled Sith Empire" is still correct. I usually wouldn't place an adjective in front of "Sith Empire," but as this is a conflict between two "Sith Empires" with identical names it was necessary.
 * 4) *I would think that Gynt would be listed as one of the casualties. Maybe "Gynt lost in action, reported as killed in action" or something.
 * 5) **I put him as missing in action, as the report doesn't really matter in regards to what goes in the infobox.
 * 6) *In the intro, you use the very distinctive term "still-lingering" which is then featured in a quote used in the article. I'd rather you vary that if you're going to use the quote. (If you'd really rather keep it, just say so and I can strike this.)
 * 7) **If you can suggest a better term to substitute it with, I'd be happy to use it, but "Still-lingering" seems to be the most precise way to describe it.
 * 8) *In the prelude paragraphs, you never mention that Ovair and Gynt were "Jedi scholars" even though you mention that Ovair was a Sith infiltrator.
 * 9) **If I'm not mistaken, they were never specifically identified as such in the timeline. Jedi scholars is a very specific branch within the Jedi Order, so I hesitate to brand them as such without official confirmation. Naming Ovair as a Sith Infiltrator is essential to understanding the story, however.
 * 10) *In the first "Aftermath" paragraph, you say Dark Lord's spirit on Yavin when I think you mean Dark Lord's spirit on Yavin 4.
 * 11) **My mistake, thanks for pointing it out. It's been fixed.
 * 12) *Nice work! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 20:07, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 18:30, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * In regards to the nomination comment: that's what she said. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 06:12, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * On a less immature note, it's at 1,015 words at the moment. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 20:18, May 6, 2010 (UTC)

Vydel Dir'Nul

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:19, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Crazy&hellip;

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 * 1) Trayus Academy:
 * 2) *No quotes for Bio/P&T/P&A?
 * 3) *You should make a link for the bodyguarded "individual."
 * 4) *On that note, is there absolutely no context on this "individual?" Humanoid? Anything?
 * 5) *Was there a relationship between B'risko and Dir'Nul? You don't specify in the bio. As it stands it seems like it was she who fell in love with him, but there was never any interaction between the two prior to his murder.
 * 6) *You also need to make it more explicit in the biography that she was unaware of the fact that she had dual personalities, and that she believed Kardem to be an entirely different individual.
 * 7) *Other than "After the initiation of the Clone Wars, Dir'Nul refused to fight as a Jedi General, and was not interested in fighting for the Republic's politicians, whom she viewed as greedy and self-serving." the entire first paragraph of the P&T is information restated from the bio and intro. You should alter it so instead of simply stating that she slew B'risko and the Twi'lek, say that her anger/jealousy overcame her, driving her to commit murder. And then do something similar for the rest of that paragraph as well.
 * 8) *"Dir'Nul was featured in the article The History of the Mandalorians written by Abel G. Peña and published in Star Wars Insider 80." - was she actually featured or just mentioned? I don't own the source but I have difficulty believing she actually appeared in a prominent role.
 * 9) *That's it from me. Well-written. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 18:57, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

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 * First, many thanks to for the pre-nom review. Secondly, no other images yet. Anyone with a copy of Dark Journey feel free to upload some.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:19, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

X2

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 17:30, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A 60 KB long single-source article? I bet this has never happened before&hellip;

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Ysanne Isard (clone)

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 17:48, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I wonder how she would have been called if Tim Zahn had written the book. Yyysanne, Ysanneee, Yssssaaannne?

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Maw (Dark Jedi)

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 17:48, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just a little less useless than Gorc, but just as stupid.

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Force storm (wormhole)

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 00:54, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: POWAHHH!

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 * 1) I really want to read, fix, and review this article, but first you gotta make the first sentence of the intro less ridiculously redundant. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:02, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

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