Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Casal Marskan


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Casal Marskan

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:37, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Following in his brother's footsteps.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 21:50, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 18:50, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 03:49, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:08, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice job. Kilson Likes PIE 21:14, 5 May 09 (UTC)
 * 6)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 16:28, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:44, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * "&hellip;served aboard the Mon Calamari Star Cruiser Independence during the Galactic Civil War and the younger brother of Ernek Marskan." The last part needs to be broken up into a new sentence; right now, it's a run-on.
 * 3) * Context on Hirodi in intro and bio.
 * 4) * "&hellip;mission to capture a pair of Imperial corvettes and his brother blamed Farlander for his death." This is also a run-on, and "and his brother blamed Farlander for his death" should be made into a separate sentence.
 * 5) * "&hellip;hoped to create a squadron of pilots, guided by the Force, who would be unstoppable against the Galactic Empire." This is halting and awkward. Please reword or break up into separate sentences.
 * 6) * "The Priam's capture gave the Alliance a lead on locating the Empire's Death Star battlestation and two CR90 corvettes from Ethar group were dispatched to the prison planet Despayre to investigate." Once again, either break up into two sentences, or throw in a comma after "battlestation".
 * 7) * "A few days after the incident in the pilots' lounge&hellip;" What incident in the pilot's lounge? Is this the one mentioned earlier? The way it's worded sounds kinda random; be more specific or connect it to the earlier incident better.
 * 8) * "The X-wings arrived before the rest of the Rebel forces to clear out any defenses and emerged from hyperspace to find two Lambda-class shuttles in the process of boarding the corvettes." Another one that's awkward and halting. Reword, please.
 * 9) * "His attitude led to many of the other pilots joining Ernek Marskan in turning against him, before Farlander finally rejected the dark side." One more to reword. Just try to make it flow a little smoother: "joining Enrek Marksan in turning against him, before Farlander finally rejected the dark side" is awkward.
 * 10) * "he soon started to take Farlander's adivce, which his brother later believed had led to his death." Change "started" to something that would go smoother there, like "began", and "later believed had led to his death" doesn't really follow with the tense of the rest of the sentence. Change this to something along the lines of "&hellip;believed led him to his death", or "&hellip;believed was the cause of his death."
 * 11) *Nice article, just work on smoothing out some of the sentences :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 03:04, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **All addressed. Let me know if there's anything else. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:36, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) Attack of the Clone
 * 14) * A little context needed for Keyan Farlander; it's implied that he had Force powers because of being "influenced by the dark side," but it's a little vague.
 * 15) ** Think this is still needed in the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 01:42, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Farlander had fallen under the influence of the dark side and hoped to create an invincible squadron of pilots guided by the Force." Especially since this starts a new paragraph, it comes up out of the blue and seems like the article is talking more about Farlander than Marskan.
 * 18) * The Lambda shuttles' affiliation is initially unclear; please add something.
 * 19) *Looks good otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 01:10, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **All addressed. It's hard not to talk about Farlander when the book is written from his point of view, but I've thrown in an extra mention of Marskan to try and get it back to him. Green Tentacle (Talk) 01:36, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) Soresu
 * 22) * caused many of the other pilots to join Ernek Marskan in turning against him. Could it be explained what "turned against him" means? Is it just a rejection of the dark side or a physical conflict SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:11, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Reworded. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) Kilson's thoughts
 * 25) * You mention in the second paragraph of the Bio an altercation between Farlander and Raider. Could you give a little bit more information on this altercation, like if it was a physical or verbal one.
 * 26) * The Death Star needs a little more context in the Bio.
 * 27) * Mention in the intro when Marskan was killed. Just say 0 BBY like you did in the Bio.
 * 28) *Other than that, looks perfect. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 04 May 09 (UTC)
 * 29) **All done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:02, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 31) * Give a little context to the Rebels and their struggle.
 * 32) * Is the altercation between Raider and Farlander really relevant?
 * 33) * Was Marskan Force-sensitive? It says that Farlander tells him to use the Force, but it never says that he's Force-sensitive outright.
 * 34) * "A few days after addressing the rookie pilots in the pilots' lounge," Was this when he told them to be aggressive? If not, then mention this earlier.
 * 35) *Not bad.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

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