Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified Imperial commander


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified Imperial commander

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:31, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another unidentified commander nom from me.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Again! —Tommy  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 17:12, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Mighty fine. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 23:18, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:56, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:09, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 16:35, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:34, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * In the intro: Provide context on the Battle of Thyferra.
 * 3) **Provided.
 * 4) * In the intro: Why would Vader execute him even though he won the battle?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "During the search for a rogue Imperial Moff Kalast, who had been feeding the Rebel Alliance with secret information concerning the newest Imperial superweapon, the Death Star, this commander was in charge of the Imperial forces during the Battle of Thyferra, until the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader arrived." Split up.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * In the prose itself, there's an overabundance of commas. Split up some of the sentences and reword to make it all flow better.
 * 9) **Splitted up several sentences. Check it now. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:28, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "The Dark Lord soon discovered that the traitor was Moff Kalast and captured him." The article says that Vader found the traitor while the commander was still alive, but this sentence states that he found the traitor after killing the commander. Please clarify.
 * 11) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 12) * In BtS: Contextify code cylinder.
 * 13) **Upon closer examination, I've seen that his insignia is really a commander's one. The part about code cylinders is removed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:59, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 22:58, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) We don't bumrush shows&hellip;we shut shows DOWN:
 * 16) * "Although the battle was won, Vader executed the commander for his incompetence." His incompetence doing what?
 * 17) **Clarified.
 * 18) * "This Human male individual, a member of the Imperial army&hellip;" Was he a just a member of the army, or a commander like the title suggests?
 * 19) **His insignia is that of the commander. This, combined with the fact that Vader calls him such, tells us that he was one. I reworded the article a bit to reflect this.
 * 20) * "was sent to the planet Thyferra, after it had been discovered that the clue to the identity of the Imperial traitor could be obtained from a Rebel base located there." What is the clue, and who is the Imperial traitor? The way these subjects are introduced reads as though we already know of what you speak. If the traitor's identity is a secret, the article should be written in such a way that we know of the treason before we know of the traitor. You have it reversed. Also, if the traitor's identity is secret, it shouldn't be held as one to the reader; you can write this in such a manner that we know who the traitor is, even though the characters you are writing about do not.
 * 21) **How does it look now? I tried to reword it, but couldn't find a way to let the reader know the identity of the traitor from the beginning. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 12:52, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***This, I can understand. I appreciate your effort here. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 17:12, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Good show, young Jedi. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 19:59, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just keep in mind that quote attributions are to be without sentence-ending periods and the like. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 19:59, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I've just found the Rankname template. What do you think, should I use it or keep the conjectural one? QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 04:49, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I've just found the Rankname template. What do you think, should I use it or keep the conjectural one? QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 04:49, 22 April 2009 (UTC)