Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Nala Se


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Nala Se

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:34, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Decoded's giraffe woman. For TCW.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1) After a couple of very minor edits. Good work here. –Victor Squishy Vic.png (talk page ) 05:38, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:44, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looking good.  CC7567  (talk) 06:57, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:21, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Great article  —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:52, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) --Eyrezer 01:52, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:02, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "Around 22 BBY, General Grievous and the Confederate superweapon Malevolence were directed..." Bit of awkward working here.
 * 3) **Addressed I think.
 * 4) * "Se served the Republic as the administrator of the Kaliida Shoals Medical Center. After the Kaliida Shoals was purchased by the Republic at the beginning of the war..." Did she serve it before it was purchased? If not, change this, because that's the impression it gives and it's a bit confusing.
 * 5) **I hope that helps. Since it says she worked for the Republic, I think it sounds a bit more like she was placed in charge of the station after the Republic had purchased it. Whaddya think?
 * 6) ***Better, yes.
 * 7) * "leaving them vulnerable to the hundreds of turbolaser batteries on the ship's hull. After the Battle of Ryndellia..." Awkward transition.
 * 8) **Switched it up to keep the beginning of the sentence related to the Malevolence.
 * 9) * "curious demeanor for a Jedi." Why was is it so curious? Or is this not elaborated on?
 * 10) **Unelaborated.
 * 11) * Is the unidentified clone medic aide that you link to at one point the same one she's addressing in the quotes? If so, I think you should refer to him as "Se's aide" or something in quote descriptions.
 * 12) **It's never really specified. All of the clone medics have the same face and outfit, but I've changed one of the descriptions because even if they are different clones, they're still her aides. I kept the lead the same though because it's awkward to say "Nala Se's medical aid to Nala Se" when "A Kaliida Shoals medic" is just as accurate.
 * 13) *That's all I got.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:51, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks for the review. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:38, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * One more thing: in the intro, you say "as it was the only medical facility for the treatment of injured clone troopers." It was the only facility to treat clones? you touch on this in the body, saying that it was important, but don't say that it was the only facility. If it was, this should be mentioned in the bio.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:08, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Addressed. Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:43, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to CC for help and early review. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:34, 13 June 2009 (UTC)