Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kiefer


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kiefer

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:43, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first Legacy nom.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 16:02, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I know my duty, and I will execute it! Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:38, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) I dont know why, but this guy reminds me from Admiral Ozzel. Kreivi Wolter 18:43, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) But he is not as clumsy as stupid. Xd  18:45, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Short and sweet.  Darth Karika Please leave a message after the beep. *boom* 16:16, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Good job, as usual.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:13, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7)  CC7567  (talk) 21:27, February 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Axinal:
 * 2) * Just a couple of issues from me. "He ordered that he surrender, as Krayt, who Kiefer considered the rightful emperor . . ." "who" should be "whom" in that case. Also, it seems like most of the first paragraph of the Personality and traits section seems to simply repeat what was already said in the biography. Axinal 01:39, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Removed a sentence. The last sentence of the first paragraph in P&T can be removed also if you really feel it's necessary.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:52, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Looks better. There's only so much you can do with limited information.Axinal 17:04, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) The Grand Master
 * 6) * In the body it isn't very clear that Kiefer was originally loyal to Fel, as is stated in the intro. This also makes it unclear why the stormtroopers with him didn't obey his orders.
 * 7) * Also right now, the bio is barely any larger than the intro; but I think the above fix could fix this, too :P
 * 8) *Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:25, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks. How is it now?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:41, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Better in size, but the main problem is that you still don't really state that Kiefer had originally served under Fel. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:05, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Changed it up. The problem is that nothing states that Kiefer was part of the army when Fel was overthrown; he could have just as easily joined in, say, 132 ABY. Thus, I had to rework some stuff. I feel like I'm making it more complicated than is should be, but meh. Anyway, let me know if it still doesn't work and I'll try again to fix it. And yes, I'm aware that the intro is fairly large. It's the only way I could figure to do it, keeping the needed context in while avoiding assumptions.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:06, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

Comments


 * Thanks for the reads.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:40, February 10, 2010 (UTC)