Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Arca Jeth (second nomination)

Arca Jeth

 * Nominated by:  —Tommy  9281  Thursday, June 30, 2011, 23:39 UTC 
 * Nomination comments: Completely rewritten.

Floyd knows TOTJ too, ya know:

 * Some of the paragraphs, including the last paragraph of the intro, are exceedingly long and should be broken up.
 * Context in the body on the Nelori Marauders. Were they pirates too?
 * Knight of the Republic: "A series of defeats drove the enemy from their home to the safety of the heavily-disputed Hyabb-Twith Corridor, in recognition of the local government's reluctance to provoke each other with mutual efforts to patrol such heavily-disputed shipping lanes." "Heavily-disputed" is used twice here. Vary it up.
 * Same section: "Forced to call for aid themselves, the beleaguered endured another forty-eight hours before thirty Jedi arrived in their support." A word missing here, perhaps?
 * You mention "mechu macture" during the intro, but not during the recounting of the Great Droid Revolution in the body.
 * Not necessarily an objection, but you mention that Jeth was a Jedi Master during the Great Droid Revolution; is there any indication that he was one during the clashes with the Lorell Raiders and the Nelori Marauders?
 * A bit of a timing thing here: In "New responsibilities", you write that "Around that time, he loaned his holocron to friend and fellow Jedi Master Thon of Ambria, to assist in the training of his latest apprentice, a young Human woman named Nomi Sunrider." Now this is told before the events of the Beast Wars, but Thon didn't train Sunrider until after the Beast Wars. It sounds from your prose that he gave Thon the holocron specifically to train Sunrider, although this is recounted before Sunrider becomes Thon's apprentice. Apologies if I'm unclear.
 * "Jeth called him, his brother, and Tott Doneeta together, to explain—through benefit of an extremely lifelike Force illusion—the history of Onderon." Now I may need to look at the comic again, but are you sure it's a Force illusion? I thought it was just an illustration by the author, not something that the Jedi were seeing too.
 * The Naddist Revolt: "Jeth oversaw the consecration by Republic laws the union of Queen Galia and Oron Kira, and their official assumption of planetary sovereignty." I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that occurs at the end of the Beast Wars, not the Naddist rebellion.
 * Excellent work.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 02:28, July 10, 2011 (UTC)