Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Mission to Delrian


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mission to Delrian

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:08, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Not usually a fan of these types of articles, but what the hey. Made from scratch.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:51, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:41, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:04, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --Eyrezer 07:14, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:55, 17 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Might want to replace "hushed up" in both places; it's not very specific. Perhaps say "hidden from the public" or something.
 * 3) **I replaced one, but "hushed up" is fairly specific, and ideal to use in this case.
 * 4) * "Thus, the Separatists had intimate knowledge of the facility's defensive capabilities": unclear when they obtained the knowledge, i.e. before Tambor's capture or in forming a plan to rescue him.
 * 5) **It's unclear in the source, but the wording suggests that it was in forming a plan, so I've reworded the article to reflect that without outright saying it.
 * 6) * "Tambor's rescue allowed Palpatine to plot in safety again: with the Techno Union active once more, the war was evenly poised and no end was in sight." It sounds like "once more" would be a better word choice for "again", but changing it would be redundant, as it's already there for the Union. Please try to reword.
 * 7) **Reworded a bit, should be good now.
 * 8) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 20:19, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks, and thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:48, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) The Grand Master
 * 11) * "The mission to Delrian was a rescue attempt successfully undertaken by the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Techno Union early in 21 BBY." I would suggest using something other than "rescue attempt" here, as it seems somewhat awkward when you don't include who it was they were rescuing beforehand.
 * 12) **Cut out the rescue part.
 * 13) * I understand that "hushed-up" is specific, but it seems to be a little too connotated. Maybe use something like "quiet", or "secret".
 * 14) **I really don't see any problem with it. It's entirely appropriate to use in this case, and much less clunky than any other wording as I see it.
 * 15) ***Ok, I guess that's fine.
 * 16) * There is some underlinking in the article: things such as "Changeling" (which should be linked to Changeling (species type)) and "prison" are missing in intro and body, and others: "world" (which could go to homeworld or planet, depending on the instance), "squad", "methane", "commando", "Skakoan", and Tambor's "fortress on Xagobah" (which would be Mazariyan, I believe), are missing links in the body. Make sure you catch these as well as any others.
 * 17) **Linked those. I couldn't spot any others, hopefully I didn't miss any.
 * 18) *Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:27, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Thank you, and thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:25, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) Soresu
 * 21) * managed to snare Tambor, exceeding expectations. Whose expectations? The Republic's? Tambor's? Sidious'? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:35, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **He just sort of ... generally exceeded expectations. He wasn't expected to do that well, generally...by everyone and anyone, really. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:48, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Alright. Just checking. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:04, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments