Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Lobar Aybock


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Lobar Aybock

 * Nominated by: —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:17, 6 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Be easy, it's my first FA nom ;) —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:10, 7 November 2008 (UTC)

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 08:36, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 02:33, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Insert Rocky theme here.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:18, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --Eyrezer 16:49, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:19, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I think the BtS could be expanded a little to mention that some factors in his life such as shockboxing and Tull Raine and his species and homeworld came from other sources initially. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:22, 6 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I received some information from the author and tried to expand it a bit. Let me know what you think. —Xwing328 (Talk) 03:48, 7 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Looks good. I created an "interview" subpage and copied Caledre's message on your talk page there to use as a ref note, which I think is the best way to source it. One thing you might want to do is mention that Calians and Shiva IV were references to Marvel, but other than that it looks good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:28, 7 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***You can move that to the WP:INT main page if it's not already there for purposes of organization and categorization. ;) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:19, 7 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I've never been involved with WP:INT. Would you be willing to do this since you understand the steps better than me? —Xwing328 (Talk) 16:09, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****See Interview/Edmund M. Erdelac. I treated this like some of Greyman's interviews, which were conducted before we implemented all the rules, and just grandfathered it in like I had with his, since obviously this didn't necessarily conform to the procedure expected for a Wookieepedia interview. ;) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:23, 16 January 2009 (UTC)


 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Contextify Cus in the intro.
 * 3) **Should be better now.
 * 4) * If he was not a shockboxer before his capture, that should be clarified in intro.
 * 5) **I think fixing the first fixed this, too.
 * 6) * The "bombing of his hometown" might need a battle link.
 * 7) **Does somebody more familiar with the Marvel stories want to write a battle article?
 * 8) ***Link added. Thefourdotelipsis 02:30, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * The early life section just doesn't flow well. See what you can do about making the sentences transition to each other a little better.
 * 10) **Hopefully if flows smoothly now.
 * 11) * Is it "shockboxing" or "shocboxing"? I've seen both.
 * 12) **Shockboxing. Fixed.
 * 13) * Contextify who the Rust Rats are and why they are important. It's not clear in the article what their relationship is with Aybock.
 * 14) * hub-buster should be linked.
 * 15) **Done. Now I'll have to write another article to fix redlinks.
 * 16) * I also feel P&T could be beefed a little more.
 * 17) **Beefed. —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:04, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Yes, beefed. What else do you want, 'Tar? :P Thefourdotelipsis 02:30, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Just was waiting for all objections to be fixed before checking back. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:18, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *Fascinating BtS. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:18, 7 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Gracias. Thanks for the review. —Xwing328 (Talk) 17:45, 8 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) Can we get that Tull Raine pic cropped to remove the border? --Eyrezer 20:22, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Done. —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:04, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Could we get a mention of Aybock's condition of a fair fight in the bio? I know you mention it in the  P&T but I think it would also be appropriate to mention it earlier. --Eyrezer 23:59, 22 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *It's in. Thefourdotelipsis 02:30, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Stitchy should be introduced much earlier in the piece, and that whole scene should be reworked just a tad, to explain just why they were "forced" to set in a crowded speedervan. Perhaps a little more detail on just how the fight pans out would be good as well. Also, 4 redlinks Thefourdotelipsis 02:33, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *Fixed. Thanks for the review, Four Dot. You truly are a prince amongst men. Thefourdotelipsis 02:30, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) "which endured a constant state of war between the Calian Confederacy and the Twelve Tribes of T'Syriél,[4] involving many Calians in continuous battles between the native belligerent species, including Lobar Aybock's father." The wording of the native belligerent species is a bit off. Can you reword it? --Eyrezer 22:39, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Significantly tweaked. Thefourdotelipsis 02:30, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Toprawa
 * 31) * Currently has 4 redlinks. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:17, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Down to 3. Thefourdotelipsis 02:30, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * One thing. This sentence is coming off strange to me. I'm confused what his Separatist tendencies would have to do with anything. Were not the Separatists all but defeated by this time? This just seems like a very archaic connection that's begging for some kind of explanation. "Despite Cus's Separatist tendencies, Derlin and one of his companions, Mygo Skinto, appealed to their sense of decency in helping the desperate locals, often referred to as Rust Rats." Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:04, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **The story implies that Cus was once a Confederate, but it's not really relevant to Aybock, so I've turfed it. Thefourdotelipsis 22:59, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Thanks. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:19, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * Currently 6 redlinks: these should be taken care of within a day or two. The word count is approximately 1,200. And no, there are no images that can be used; they're all from Hyperspace. —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:17, 6 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually, one of the Hyperspace images was on the SW.com main page for a time, so you could probably use that. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:22, 6 November 2008 (UTC)
 * I added a crop of the one used to promote the story. Also, the artist posted the illustrations on Deviant Art, but I doubt that would be considered fair use to get a better picture from there, since they're technically Hyperspace images. —Xwing328 (Talk) 19:40, 6 November 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm pretty sure we have precedent for doing that with Trevas's stuff. Once it's in the wild, it's fair game. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 18:14, 7 November 2008 (UTC)
 * At any rate, the image of Aybock running should be used in his infobox, since it was used on the main page of SW.com and is, therefore, fair game. The current image should then replace the existing (and a tad confusing) one of Raine over a defeated opponent. Thefourdotelipsis 02:33, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Just a note, I will get back to address these soon, but I've been very busy recently and am about to go out of town. —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:28, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * You know, originally I wanted this to be one of the fastest articles to go from creation to FA. Then I got wrapped up in life... Hopefully this will soon be up to our standards. Thanks for your help finishing off some of the objections, 4dot. —Xwing328 (Talk) 16:09, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Not a problem, the problems were fairly mindor. I mean, minor. Mindor hasn't arrived yet. Minor problem. I mean...Mindor. /crazy Thefourdotelipsis 11:13, 17 January 2009 (UTC)