Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Darth Nihilus


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Darth Nihilus

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:41, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Meh, a misunderstanding killed it, but it'll make a comeback here (I hope).

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 1)
Support

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * In the intro, give context on the Mass Shadow Generator and its effect on Malachor V.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "The experience of the mass shadows made him "hunger" for Force energy, and the affliction began to ravage his body." Affliction? If its his hunger for Force energy, connect the two.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "Sion beat Traya, with Nihilus right behind him, " Reword. IIRC, Sion and Nihilus teamed up to defeat Traya, this makes it sound like Sion did all the work.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * In the intro state that the Exile was a Jedi.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Mention how Nihilus sent Visas to find the Exile in the intro.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * Give more info on how the Battle of Telos IV came about (Traya's trap, etc.) in the intro.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "During the final battle of the war, which taking place on the planet Malachor V," Which taking place?
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Context on Revan and Malak.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * " Nihilus, on the planet, however survived and in his grief over his losses during the war, the man assumed a dark persona there," Reword. Doesn't flow well.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * "He survived the activation of the superweapon but became ill." Repetitive, as you already mention that he survived.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) *Mention that the Trayus Academy was on Malachor.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) *Watch your linking. Articles are to be linked once in the intro and once in the bio.
 * 25) **Addressed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:06, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Mention how Sion and Nihilus began the First Jedi Purge in the bio.
 * 27) **Addressed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:38, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Clarify why Atris would lure Nihilus to Katarr.
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * "Nihilus felt a disturbance in the Force that only his apprentice could identify. As a result, Marr was sent to defeat the Exile and bring her before Nihilus so that he could consume her." Connect the disturbance in the Force with the Exile.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * "A member of the Jedi Exile's team, was put in charge of an expedition through the jungle, aimed at the eradicating the Sith from it." Doesn't flow well. Reword.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) *"After battling their way inside the tomb, the ceremony was interrupted by the strike team" What ceremony?
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * "The outcome of the proceedings is unknown." Remove.
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * Contextify Tobin.
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) *"The Exile proceeded into the Core and found Traya meditating. She revealed her plans to the Exile" Combine these two sentences.
 * 41) **Addressed.
 * 42) *Is the long summary of Kreia and the Exile's duel really necessary?
 * 43) **I don't find it that long, just two or three sentences, and the contextification of the deaths of both Traya and Sion were neccisary.
 * 44) ***Just to butt in here quickly, those first two paragraphs of the legacy section are way too detailed and unrelated to Nihilus. All we really need to know is that Sion and Traya were killed on Malachor V, not that the Exile was attacked by the students or that Traya got her hand cut off or that Sion kept regenerating. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:00, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ****They are related to Nihilus as they are about the fall of the Sith Triumvirate and they were to context why, when there were two other dark lords, that the Sith would have carried on thanks to an unknown darth. I did cut a lot from the Traya duel because all that was needed was that she was defeated however I think that saying how Sion died, when it was already stated that he had survived dying before by using his will to live was important and the part about her being attacked in the halls was just a short preface to that. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:25, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Exactly.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:10, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * Context required on Krayt.
 * 48) **Addressed. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:10, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *Context on Jekk'Jekk Tarr and Dessicus.
 * 50) **Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:49, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:08, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) The Pasta Bowl Strikes Back&hellip;
 * 53) *A couple of things from a cursory look:
 * 54) **The first part of the bio mentions Nihilus by that name, but that only adopted after being taken in by Kreia. Please address this at the beginning of the bio if you decide that the first two paragraphs need to have this name in it. Using Nihilus at this point, other than an initial mention borders on unencyclopedic.
 * 55) ***I had to fall back on such monikers as "the man," taking into account whether another male had just been mentioned, to correct this. I hope that's OK. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:59, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) **There are many sentences in the first couple sections of the bio that need to be split apart. Compound sentences are nice at times, but three or more sentences should not be made from one.
 * 57) ***Fixed, though it reads a bit choppy now IMO, what do you think? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:59, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Double check my other other list of objections that were left on the GAN page when this was there. After browsing through, it seems that not all of these were met. Fair warning, I spent a lot of time going through the article; so, I am not going to let those objections slide.
 * 59) ***I completely understand. I've looked over the list of objections again and fixed the outstanding objections, as well as others that were put on hold. Don't hesitate to tell me if I've missed any of them and thank you for the cursory look. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 10:01, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) **More details to follow.&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:33, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) Harrar
 * 62) * You say he sends Marr to investigate, then you say he sends Marr to assassinate. Which is it? If you do keep this in &mdash;About one year later, the duo felt a growing presence in the Force and he sent his apprentice to investigate.&mdash;then please clear up the grammatical mistake ("duo" and "he") in it.
 * 63) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:24, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Last paragraph of the intro: "In the carnage he was secretly boarde by a small force" &mdash; yes, I could change that myself, but FAN introductions shouldn't really have any glaring grammatical and spelling errors. Nihilus cannot be "boarde"
 * 65) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:24, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Please take note and vary your pronoun usage. There are a lot of "he"s and it gets repetitive.
 * 67) **Fixed, aside from the first paragraph which takes plaace before he was given a known name. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:24, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "During the final battle of the war, which took place on the planet Malachor V, the Jedi Exile, a Jedi General who followed the Revanchists, Jedi who went to fight in the war against the wishes of the Jedi Council; gave the order to activate the Mass Shadow Generator. &mdash; this sentence flows about as fast as mud. The semi-colon is also misplaced. Please consider what's pertinent to this very brief synopsis of the end of the war. Are the Revanchists? Is Bao-Dur's occupation?
 * 69) **Fixed. The Revanchists are not while Bao-Dur's occupation is, IMO. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:30, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) *From "Having been attacked at the start of..." to "...an [sic] convinced the Queen to allow him to stand trial foe [sic] his crimes" is simply irrelevant. The only pertinent information here is that Nihilus' plans for Onderon go awry because the Jedi Exile and Canderous Ordo defeat his forces.
 * 71) **Cut down and focused more on the twarting of the plan. The whole scene isn't unneccisary, it was just a bit overwritten. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:30, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *In the legacy section, you really just need to say that the Exile traveled to confront Traya, redeemed Sion and defeated the Sith acolytes at the academy, before defeating Traya. At the moment, you're just summarizing the game. A legacy section should always be relevant to its subject.
 * 73) **Fixed again. I realized that some of the info would be better said earlier and I merged the paragraphs. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:25, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) *Generally a bit messy Naruhina. Overuse of pronouns, commas and semi-colons where none are necessary, sudden shifts of perspective, repetition of info, reams of extraneous information, over-capitalized section headers (Silent sojourn rather than Silent Sojourn). I've made a lot of changes in an attempt to hurry this along. Also note for future reference that the "light side" hasn't been proven entirely canonical. According to the CSWE, Vaklu is shot to death. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 16:25, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Please try to keep in mind that I'll be on and off for the next while. I'll get objections as soon as possible on this and the following noms.
 * Fellow Inqs: Please feel free to strike my remaining objections if they're in danger of holding this article up for a considerable length of time. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:50, 28 August 2009 (UTC)