Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once a nomination has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of five AgriCorps votes with no outstanding objections before one week has passed, the nomination will be considered successful.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Moradmin Bast
> JangFett  Talk 00:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 00:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * "Moradmin Bast was an Imperial Army general, subordinate to High General Cassio Tagge, and the personal aide to Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin aboard the first Death Star, and served as chief manager in the Death Star." Split these sentences up.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"Though soon after, Bast was killed when the Death Star exploded near Yavin 4, after Luke Skywalker's proton torpedo entered the Thermal exhaust port in the Death Star." The "Though soon after" is rather awkward.
 * 5) **Indeed, removed that statement.
 * 6) * " Seated to the left of his superior officer, Tagge, the group of command staff stationed in the Death Star discussed the Rebel Alliance, and their victory in obtaining the Death Star plans." Is it really relevant where he sat?
 * 7) **Not really :) Removed
 * 8) * " Motti and Tagge argued about the Imperial Senate's continuous support for the Alliance, though with the intervention of Tarkin, he announced to the assembled command staff the Emperor's dissolution of the Imperial Senate. " Reword. It makes it sound like Motti or Tagge announced the dissolution of the Senate, although it was Tarkin.
 * 9) **Removed that comma and added a period before "Though".
 * 10) * Be consistent on your capitalization of the "Force".
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * "During the Battle of Yavin, Imperial military analysts, who had been studying the Rebels' initial attempt to enter the battle station's northern polar trench, brought to Bast's attention." Brought what to Bast's attention?
 * 13) **Addressed and removed that statement.
 * 14) * "Bast indicated that the small thermal exhaust port was a potential danger to everyone onboard the battlestation. " Tell why the exhaust port is a danger.
 * 15) **Addressed. I stated that it was a entrance to the main reactor; I could say why it was a "danger" in a different sentence, but I don't want to get off topic.
 * 16) * "Though, the engineers stationed on the Death Star experienced slight difficulties, delaying the destruction of Yavin 4." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) * "after one of his fighters bumped his own fighter, " Reword.
 * 19) **haha, Thanks for addressing this objection. Fixed, hope that works
 * 20) * "as well as all the Death Star's commendations," I don't think commendations is appropriate here.
 * 21) **Reworded
 * 22) * Is content of the Legacy section really suitable for Legacy? It's really just "There was a guy who looked like him."
 * 23) **No, removed. The mentioning of the lookalike is in the bts.
 * 24) * Quote for P&T?
 * 25) **The only major quote he said in Episode IV was the "analyzed the attack sir". I don't want to repeat the quote because I used it two times. I moved one variation of that quote to the P&T from the Battle of Yavin section.
 * 26) * "many of whom were also assigned to the Death Star included:" Reword, although I would prefer you cut the part about the other Imperial officers with the same facial hair out entirely. It's not very relevant./s>
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * "The lookalike officer in the Holiday Special has not yet been identified, and his connection with Bast, if any, has not been explained, but it is known that is not Bast, and that Bast died in the Battle of Yavin." Split this sentence up, and the one following it.
 * 29) **Addressed
 * 30) * Watch your linking. Articles are linked to once in the intro and once in the main body of the article.
 * 31) **Fixed
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Mauser:
 * 34) * One thing is obligatory for all movie noms: check all adaptations. In your case: the novel, the junior novel, the Marvel adaptation, the Dark Horse adaptation, the Manga adaptation, the photo comic, the radio drama, The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader and possibly some others. Simply adding them to the appearances list is not nearly enough: you must check all of them for any new info and inconsistencies.
 * 35) **I completely agree, though I need to check if he was in the novel. I don't quite remember if he was in the 1976 and the most recent adaptions, but I will check. Bast wasn't identified until CCG, he was known by a different name/designation before the CCG. Death Star referred to Bast as "lieutenant".
 * 36) ***Fixed sources and references. Expanded bts as well.
 * 37) ****What about the Dark Horse adaptation and the radio drama?
 * 38) *****He was in the Dark Horse but not in the radio drama. Addressed.
 * 39) * A movie character with lines such as Bast is ought to have more sources mentioning him. Cards from Star Wars Trading Card Game and Star Wars PocketModel TCG are the first ones that spring to mind, but I'm sure there are a lot more. Even the sources, that are already listed, you don't seem to use. Where's the info from the Insider article, Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary, Star Wars Encyclopedia for that matter?
 * 40) **I'll be adding more sources and I'll check those visual dictionaries. Hopefully the newer sources say he is Bast.
 * 41) ***Same comment in the previous objection.
 * 42) *Keeping in mind that those two objections are pretty major and will require a lot of time to get the sources alone, I'd say this article's chances of getting GA'd in the near future are slim at best.  Mauser  Comlink 10:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **With respect, Fett, you should have done that prior to moninating the article.  Mauser  Comlink 13:18, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Though a article can change throughout the nomination.
 * 45) ****Will give a full review after the last two sources are checked.  Mauser  Comlink 10:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) Jinzler
 * 47) * The sources list is not in chronological order
 * 48) **I'm aware of that; I'll be adding new sources soon and reorder them.
 * 49) * I may be wrong, but wasn't Bast's rank known only to be "Chief" until the release of Death Star, which confirmed that he was a general? If so, this should be mentioned in the BTS section
 * 50) **CCG referred to him as Chief Bast. Death Star was only "lieutenant". But I'll check the novel just to make sure.
 * 51) * I know that Floyd has suggested that you remove the legacy section but if you keep it, it could do with some slight rephrasing: Two years after Bast's death, a man who served onboard the Imperial I-class Star Destroyer Devastator resembled Bast - this seems to give the impression that the man only resembled Bast while aboard the Star Destroyer. It would perhaps sound better if you changed it to "a man resembling Bast served onboard an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. Also you could perhaps add a bit more context to this and mention the Blockade of Kashyyyk
 * 52) *My favourite Death Star officer --Jinzler 23:30, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **I agree :)
 * 54) Mauser strikes back:
 * 55) * Sources needs to be sorted by the order of publishment.
 * 56) **Addressed
 * 57) * Why have succession box, if he's the only person to ever hold such position?
 * 58) *Addresed
 * 59) * Context for the Death Star in intro.
 * 60) **Adressed
 * 61) * In the intro you use the words Death Star too much. Replace some instances with "battlestation" or something.
 * 62) **Addressed
 * 63) * Intro could be expanded.
 * 64) **I dont think so. The intro explains his rank within the Death Star, which is partly revealed in the DS novel. Then sums up his role in A New Hope.
 * 65) * No "remains unknown" is allowed.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) *" either assigned or personally selected" - speculation.
 * 68) **Addressed
 * 69) * "He seems to have functioned well" - speculation.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * You describe all events in the conference room, though not all of them are relevant to Bast himself. Please re-check.
 * 72) **Addressed
 * 73) * Find at least one more image for the article.
 * 74) **Addressed
 * 75) * The image of Bast and Vader is from the very deleted scene you talk about. Therefore, it is not Bast.
 * 76) **Addressed
 * 77) * You say that Skywalker led a squad into the trench. Read the squad article and reword accordingly.
 * 78) **Addressed
 * 79) ***I corrected it myself.
 * 80) *More to come.  Mauser  Comlink 15:59, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Next round:
 * 82) * Infobox: you don't even say that he was a Human male. Same for the bio.
 * 83) **Actually, it was in the infobox but not in the bio. Added in the bio.
 * 84) ***Sorry, still can't see it in the bio.
 * 85) * "found a potential danger" - what exactly was the danger?
 * 86) **Addressed in the intro.
 * 87) ***The thing is, intro should be self-explanatory.
 * 88) **Expanded the meaning of it in the intro. But it is explained in his bio.
 * 89) * "Bast confronted Tarkin" - that wasn't a confrontation. Besides, you don't even say that he asked Tarkin to evacuate.
 * 90) **Reworded and expanded.
 * 91) * "Bast entered service in the Imperial Army and rose through the ranks" - what's the source for that?
 * 92) **Reworded, that section is sourced to the DS novel.
 * 93) * "Bast had no personal aspirations beyond serving the Empire, and was loyal to Tarkin and Tagge." - that belongs in P&T.
 * 94) **Addressed
 * 95) * Why did the Rebels run out of time?
 * 96) **Expanded
 * 97) ***Again, is that really relevant to Bast? Check the article TK-622 - it only mentions parts of the battle that were essential to his fate, no need to focus on Luke and vader instead of Bast.
 * 98) ****Agreed. Any irrelevant information is removed.
 * 99) * Tarkin did not order Bast to fire the superlaser, of that I'm certain. The orders were to another officer.
 * 100) **I'm certain it was Bast and then Bast gave the order to the chief gunnery officer.
 * 101) ***I will double-check it soon.
 * 102) ****Tarkin faced Bast and ordered him to "fire when ready" in ANH. Possibly, at separate times, Bast told Tenn to fire.
 * 103) * The whole last paragraph of the bio with the description of the Battle of Yavin looks choppy. Check it again and leave only elements relevant to Bast himself.
 * 104) **Addressed and removed a section.
 * 105) * Expand P&T.
 * 106) **I merged that sentence in the bio in the P&T, though their is not too much information about him and I have listed what is seen in the DS novel and A New Hope.
 * 107) * In Holiday Special Bast's lines from the movie were re-dubbed, you should mention that.
 * 108) **Addressed
 * 109) ***Sorry, you misunderstood me. In the ANH deleted scene he and Vader had one dialogue, while in the Holiday Special it was replaced with a compeletely different one. It's explained in Star Wars: Behind the Magic.
 * 110) ****Any better man?
 * 111) *  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) Chack Attack:
 * 113) * Your sources are out of order.
 * 114) **Addressed
 * 115) * I'm currently working on Motti, and there ended up being a lot more P&T info than I expected (little tidbits from numerous sources). Are you sure that you can't expand the P&T for Bast? Going along with this, are you sure those are all the sources? I realize his role is less than Motti's but still, I'd think there might be a few more sources than shown here.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:57, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) **P&T expanded. I found very little information about Bast from that source, and he did have a rivalry with Motti. I added that in the bio, and more in the P&T.
 * 117) * You may be missing sources. Use Jaymach's site, and check sources like Galaxy Guide 1 and other sourcebooks which deal with that time period.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:54, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) **I looked through various of old sourcebooks, and Galaxy Guide and they had Bast, however, they only referred to him as "Chief".  JangFett  Talk 20:59, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) While I look at the stuff above, I'm gonna have to go with them. It seems to me that this article should be looked over once more, then re submitted. Gmalek 18:59, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Appearances go above sources fyi. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Opps, must have missed that. Thanks for fixing that Trayus :) (Imperial Intelligence)  18:48, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I is for Iridonian...

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 07:45, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:27, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Certainly much more interesting than overused Mandos. I'd actually like to see more on these guys.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 08:30, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Small sp/gr edits, and we're set Enochf 22:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * BTS: "Previously the term "Iridonian" was used to refer to Zabraks, but the description of their culture." Confusing to the point that it barely makes any sense. Please reword.
 * 3) * "Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian": The article uses both spellings, and it appears that "Iridonian" is correct based on statements in the BTS and on the talk page. I've fixed a couple, but you should look through the article yourself and fix the rest.
 * 4) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Both have since been removed, due to being factually incorrect, so those are addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  12:55, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***The first one was expanded on by Mauser and has been struck. The second one, however, is not fixed due to Mauser's reversion; your best bet would probably be to wait a little bit and see if Tranner gets a response from Mr. Chee before fixing it, though I do feel that Mauser is probably right below. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:22, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Alright, I've struck based on Eyrezer's fix and Mauser's point below. I was hoping to see an official response from Mr. Chee first, but it appears that such a response may not be coming. Let's move this nomination on, and if we do get a response from Mr. Chee, then we can work things out then. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:27, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Iridorian" (which you use throughout the article), since "Iridonian" is used to denote Zabraks from Iridonia. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * See the BTS and the related discussion on the article's talk page. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My point still stands. "Iridorian" is still used throughout the article. Additionally, since "Iridonian" refers to a type of Zabrak, this article should include information on Iridonian Zabraks. For all we know, the being in the main image may be a Zabrak under that armor. Either way, something's just not right - and unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done short of asking Leland Chee about it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My apologies, gentlemen. I forgot to check the name prior to the article's nomination, despite my own doubt that it was "Iridonian". That's now fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  12:54, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright, you redirected "Iridonian" to Zabrak and changed this nomination to "Iridorian," but Mauser has reverted your changes. So until this issue of "Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian" is resolved, this won't pass. To help speed this up, I've left a post on the "Holocron continuity database questions" forum on StarWars.com, asking Mr. Chee about this issue. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:21, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * To me the case is simple. We have 2 variations of spelling: from KOTOR game and Camaign Guide and we were that LFL considered the one from the game to be a misspelling.  Mauser  Comlink 13:38, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * In the meantime, I've semi-protected it for a month (which will still let most people frequenting this page edit at will.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Refresh my memory, but I think we don't ordinarily include the Eras template on sentient species articles. (If we did include it for this article, the "Old Republic" era icon would be the one to use.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * That is correct, we don't use eras. --Eyrezer 23:10, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Remove nomination (AgriCorps vote only)

 * 1) Per Tranner's comments above, although I'm pretty certain it's "Iridorian." This is what BtSes are for.  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:36, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I rewrote the Bts today to, hopefully, make it clearer what is occurring in this article. Does that help? --Eyrezer 12:33, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Broadside (clone trooper)

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 18:40, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My 2nd nom. Thanks to JangFett for the pre-perview

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 04:42, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:35, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Mauser  Comlink 10:38, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:41, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Gmalek 19:00, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 18:43, 20 July 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 23:04, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Missing quote in the bio. And if you can, add a quote in the P&T
 * 3) **Adressed.
 * 4) ***And the bio?
 * 5) ****I didn't found one.
 * 6) *****What about his quote/the Squadron motto from Shadow of Malevolence?
 * 7) ******Already the head quote.
 * 8) * Add another image in the bio.
 * 9) **I'll ask JMAS.
 * 10) ***Added.
 * 11) * "Kamino" in the infobox is missing a reference
 * 12) **Adressed.
 * 13) * P&T-"He also was used to bet with his good friend Matchstick about the outcome of their missions." Where does it say that Matchstick was is good friend? If you cannot find anything to back it up, remove it.
 * 14) **Adressed.
 * 15) * P&T-"He was proud of his squadron and quoted the Squadron motto in front of his Jedi commanders." Less colloquial. What Squadron motto?
 * 16) **Adressed.
 * 17) ***Not addressed. What I mean is add his line from Shadow of Malevolence.
 * 18) ****Which line ?
 * 19) *****The motto is fine. But change Jedi Commanders to Skywalker, since he addressed Broadside.
 * 20) ******Fixed.
 * 21) * Lee, your missing sources in the sources section.
 * 22) **Which exact ?
 * 23) ***Check the episode guide, the TCG Clone Wars card pack, Visual guides.
 * 24) ****Fixed.
 * 25) * Rewrite the entire B&T. Make sure you link it properly and explain his roles in both Procedure and Shadow of Malevolence.
 * 26) **Adressed.
 * 27) ***Nevermind, I did it myself. Source "Broadside was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker, who voices all of the clone troopers in The Clone Wars television series." to the episode guide.
 * 28) ****Fixed.
 * 29) *More to come Lee. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) You need to merge the first two sentences to make them flow better. More coming, perhaps.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:14, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed.
 * 3) Your sources section is completely empty. Please, address this before you nominate an article.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:38, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Fixed.
 * 5) Fett's second look
 * 6) * "Skywalker ordered Broadside to "form up", as he was "drifting" out of formation. Broadside replied that it was due to the fact that the "bird needed a bit more work", at which Skywalker responded by saying that when he was done tuning them, the Separatist would not know what hit them." This sentence is quite confusing. For the "bird needed", does that mean his Y-wing? Context is needed then. I wouldn't say "Separatists" as a whole. Either "Grievous" or the "battle droids controlling the Malevolence ' s turbolasers" would work here.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) ***What is the "bird needs work"? Context needed
 * 9) ****Fixed.
 * 10) * "But due to the dense defense fire Tano convinced Skywalker to aboard the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons." What dense defense fire? This sentence is more aimed at the viewers poi. Yes, there was a lot of fire which convinced her to tell Skywalker that they need a new plan. Rewrite this sentence, however, try not to make it Ahsoka's poi, since the main focus is Broadside. Mention that she advised Skywalker that they need a new plan; but straight to-the-point.
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Need quote from bio. The one from Procedure should do.
 * 3) **Added.
 * 4) ***You're quoted it wrong, please re-check.
 * 5) ****Bad mistake. Corrected
 * 6) * Context on Fett clones.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) * Context on Twilight.
 * 9) **Can't see it.
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) ***Fixed
 * 12) * "Encountering resistance..." - what sort of resistance? You make it sound like they were under fire.
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) ***I meant that the term "resistance" is wrong here. "Protest" maybe.
 * 15) * It was Matchstick who talked to the clone trooper, not Broadsise.
 * 16) *Fixed.
 * 17) * "...clearance required to enter the hangar. Broadside and the rest of Shadow Squadron departed the facility..." - one sentence they enter the hangar, the next one they depart from the facility. Clarify.
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) * "Plo Koon asked Skywalker if Shadow Squadron was able to carry out the assigned task." - how is this relevant to Broadside?
 * 20) **Removed.
 * 21) ***Still: is that bit of conversation really relevant?
 * 22) ****Yes, I think so.
 * 23) * "Upon entering the nebula" - which nebula?
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * Context for Neebray mantas.
 * 26) **Adressed.
 * 27) ***Can't see it.
 * 28) ****Adressed.
 * 29) * You say that the Malevolence fired it's ion cannon at the squadron after the mention of Matchstick's death, though the events are related.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Check if he has a TCSWE entry. Also check the Clone Wars Visual Guide.
 * 32) **Checked.
 * 33) * The whole article reads too much like a straight line of sentences, many of which begin with no apparent connection with the previous ones. Use words like "Later", "Soon", "Shortly after" more often.
 * 34) **Fixed.
 * 35) ***Only see a couple of instances. You need to check the flow of the prose for the entire article, because I will be coming after it anyway.
 * 36) ****Fixed.
 * 37) * Serious underlinking. You need to link to articles like Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, Starfighter combat, death and many others.
 * 38) **Fixed.
 * 39) ***No. Not by a long shot. You don't link to Kaliida Nebula, Battle of Ryndellia, Bantha formation etc. Check the entire article and link as many subjects as you can, especially relevant ones.
 * 40) ****Fixed.
 * 41) *Definitely more to come.  Mauser  Comlink 11:00, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Mauser redux:
 * 43) * No source says he was born in 32 BBY.
 * 44) **Removed.
 * 45) * Context for Grievous. Both intro and the body.
 * 46) **Fixed.
 * 47) * Intro: what med center?
 * 48) **Fixed.
 * 49) * Context for Bormus Testing Facility. Both intro and the body.
 * 50) **Fixed.
 * 51) * You need to source 22 BBY with the Clone Wars novel.
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) * Why was Skywalker hunting Malevolence? Also, context for the ship.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) * What was the Gran worker protesting against?
 * 56) **Fixed.
 * 57) * "Skywalker ordered Broadside to "form up" with his bomber..." - form now on and the to the end of the paragraph you're basically repeating the dialogue. Find a way to present it in a form more accessible to readers.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) ***Cut unnecessay info myself.
 * 60) * Context for Resolute? Yularen? Plo Koon?
 * 61) **Fixed.
 * 62) * Intelligence didn't report about the battle of Ryndellia, Yularen did!
 * 63) **Fixed.
 * 64) * "Because Ryndellia was near the Mid Rim planet of Naboo, Skywalker concluded that Grievous next attack aim was the Kaliida Shoals Medical Center" - can't make any sense out of it.
 * 65) **Background info.
 * 66) ***I mean how did he conclued the fact. Check the episode, there's a bit more info there.
 * 67) ****Fixed.
 * 68) * Okay, Skywalker concluded Grievous' next target. The next thing you know, they are already departing from Resolute. You're missing the connection between events.
 * 69) **Fixed.
 * 70) * "Shadow Squadron, along with Plo Koon" - uhm? At least mention that he was in his Delta-7B.
 * 71) **Fixed.
 * 72) * What's the conenction between the Balmorra Run and the Kaliida Nebula?
 * 73) **Fixed.
 * 74) * Context for Kaliida Nebula.
 * 75) **Fixed.
 * 76) * "During this..." - during this what?
 * 77) **Fixed.
 * 78) * "Matchstick's fighter was damaged..." - I though they were bombers.
 * 79) **Fixed.
 * 80) * "By this time, the medical center..." versus "Shortly after arriving at the Medical Center..." - so, is it capitalized or not?
 * 81) **Fixed.
 * 82) ***Still remains as it was.
 * 83) ****I don't really understand this objection.
 * 84) *****One sentence the words "Medical Center" are capitalized, the next one - they aren't. Choose one standard way.
 * 85) ******Fixed.
 * 86) *Generally: you need a better description of the battle.
 * 87) **Adressed.
 * 88) ***Still need to expand. Refer to the episode itself or to Battle of Kaliida Nebula if needed.
 * 89) ****Expanded.
 * 90) * "Soon the battle droids, stationed in the Malevolence, fired..." - they fired themselves, Grievous didn't order them?
 * 91) **Fixed.
 * 92) * "the warship's starboard ion cannon" - okay, now we learn that that the warship had an ion cannon. You should give a better description of the Malevolence much earlier on.
 * 93) **Fixed.
 * 94) * You don't even mention that the ion cannon formed a ray and that the squadron tried to evade it.
 * 95) **Fixed.
 * 96) * "In battle, Matchstick's Y-wing engines failed" - it wasn't in battle, it was when they were evading the ray.
 * 97) **Fixed.
 * 98) * "Even after this, Shadow Squadron continued their" - makes little sense, you didn't mention earlier that a full squadron was required for the mission.
 * 99) **Fixed.
 * 100) * "Malevolence droid gunner's fire" - it was just one droid gunner then, right?
 * 101) **Fixed.
 * 102) * "abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons" - and what would they accomplish by that?
 * 103) **Fixed.
 * 104) * By the way, you do not say that the whole objective of the attack was to kill Grievous on the bridge.
 * 105) **Fixed.
 * 106) * "Shadow Squadron managed to destroy the cannons, using their Y-wing's proton torpedoes." - no, they damaged it and it blown up when fired.
 * 107) **Fixed.
 * 108) * "After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter" - saving from what? You don't even say the station was under attack.
 * 109) **Fixed.
 * 110) *Maybe you should say that the attack on the Malevolence continued, after all?
 * 111) **Fixed.
 * 112) ***Can't see it.
 * 113) ****Added.
 * 114) *****No, it is not.
 * 115) ******Finnaly added.
 * 116) *******Where? I still can't see it!
 * 117) ********In the midle of the Battle section Shadow Squadron continued their assault.
 * 118) **********Ah, there's the problem - we misunderstood each other. You should say that after the Squadron crippled the Malevolence, the Venators continued the pursue of the ship.  Mauser  Comlink  14:43, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) ***********Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 15:42, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) * "answering on the question of destroying the Malevolence with yes." - very sloppy, reword.
 * 121) **Fixed.
 * 122) * "He was also would face superior officers when his commanders ordered him." - what makes you think that trooper was superior to him?
 * 123) **It was a commander. He had yellow markings.
 * 124) ***Not all commanders have yellow markings. Not all clones with yellow markings are commanders.
 * 125) *P&T requires general expansion.
 * 126) **No more info.
 * 127) ***Yes, there is, you just need to come up with better wording for it.
 * 128) ****Well, it still works not good.
 * 129) * Expand BTS with information about the webcomic.
 * 130) **Which exact ?
 * 131) ***Who worked on it? Who illustrated Broadside? When was it published and where? All general info.
 * 132) ****Added.
 * 133) * More links! The Clone Wars: Procedure and The Clone Wars (web comics) should be linked in the BTS, the body also still requires more links.
 * 134) **Adressed.
 * 135) ***No more links except for those two examples. You need consictent linking, please double-check the entire article.
 * 136) ****Fixed.
 * 137) * Mauser  Comlink 09:51, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) **Should have catched them all. Thanks for the review Mauser. --Clone Commander Lee 11:55, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) Mauser strikes back.
 * 140) *" answering the question of destroying the Malevolence" - what's that supposed to mean?
 * 141) **Fixed.
 * 142) * Both the intro and the bio should say that Broadside was a nickname.
 * 143) **Fixed.
 * 144) * Context for Kaliida Shoals Medical Center in the intro.
 * 145) **Fixed.
 * 146) * "Even after this, Shadow Squadron continued the assault on the the command bridge of the warship. But due to the dense defense from the Malevolence's laser turrets, Tano advised Skywalker to abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons instead in order to save the med center which was still under attack." - split the sentence.
 * 147) **Fixed.
 * 148) * Serious grammar and spelling issues. You need someone to give you a full copy-edit.
 * 149) **I'll ask someone.
 * 150) ***If I may butt in, Lee you should ask a AC member for a review sometime. Seeing that you have a couple of other noms, you should take care of this.  JangFett  Talk 19:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) Fett III
 * 152) * Add sections to the bio.
 * 153) **How can i do this ?
 * 154) ***Like this: ===Section=== Make sure you separate them evenly and give a specific name that is related to the proceeding paragraphs within the section. Such as Battle of Kaliida Nebula, ect.
 * 155) ****Added.
 * 156) * "...which was situated in the run" Context on "run", do you mean Balmorra Run?
 * 157) **Fixed.
 * 158) * I'm seeing a repetition of "medcenter". Try and vary your use of "medcenter".
 * 159) **Adressed.
 * 160) * "During the run, Matchstick's bomber was damaged by one of the mantas." How is this relevant to Broadside?
 * 161) **See above.
 * 162) * "Also, as the Squadron was evading the ray, Matchstick's Y-wing's engines failed and caused his fighter to collide with fellow pilot Tag's fighter, killing both pilots and their gunners." Again, this is not relevant to Broadside, but you can mention this but remove unnecessary details and mention his fighter was destroyed, but straight to-the-point.
 * 163) **See above.
 * 164) * A lot of details from the battle are irrelevant to Broadside. Try and remove minor details that aren't related to him.
 * 165) **See above
 * 166) * Lee, you're missing a sources section. Check the online guide, TCG Clone Wars cards, visual guides.
 * 167) **Sourced
 * 168) ***Lee, did you check the visual guide and Star Wars PocketModel TCG: Clone Wars? Their is a template for the TCG Clone Wars if Broadside has a card.
 * 169) ****He has no card.
 * 170) *****Then why would you put the TCG link in the sources section? Make sure you check before you add sources Lee. Did you check the visual guide?
 * 171) ******Checked and removed.
 * 172) * JangFett  Talk 19:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 173) **Checked.
 * 174) **Well Jang, Mauser advised me to expand the battle. So I did it. If you want to clear this, contact him. --Clone Commander Lee 10:49, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 175) ***I respect Mauser, but adding a lot of unnecessary details to the battle will get to play by play and would be centered around the fighters' poi instead of Broadside. I suggest that you remove any irrelevant details from the battle that aren't related to Broadside. For now, I'll strike my objections out. JangFett  Talk 15:42, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 176) Here we go again:
 * 177) * Context for Malevolence in the intro.
 * 178) **Added.
 * 179) * Intro: mention that Grievous was a Supreme Commander of the Droid Armies.
 * 180) **Adressed.
 * 181) * Intro: "one of the most important" - POV?
 * 182) **Fixed.
 * 183) * "Skywalker then led the squadron into the space station to recuperate" - recuperate? They weren't sick as far as I know.
 * 184) **Fixed.
 * 185) * "Grievous ordered to fire the Malevolence's turbolasers at the departing frigates" - what frigates?
 * 186) **Fixed.
 * 187) * "After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter," - I thought half of them were evacuated?
 * 188) **Fixed.
 * 189) * Once again: the P&T needs expansion.
 * 190) **Expanded.
 * 191) *" the online comic to Shadow of Malevolence" - what's that supposed to mean?
 * 192) **Fixed.
 * 193) * Any info concerning him in the Visual Guide?
 * 194) **Not more as alredy in the article.
 * 195) * Mauser  Comlink 17:50, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 196) **Got them.Thanks for the third? review Mauser. --Clone Commander Lee 18:10, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 197) ***Axtually, it was the fourth one by my count. Be aware, there's still a couple of objections left from the second one.  Mauser  Comlink 18:31, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 198) Attack of the Clone
 * 199) * Before I start my copyedit, there is way too much subsectioning in the article and not a good balance between paragraphs. Please standardize your paragraph length and balance out the images a lot better.  CC7567  (talk) 18:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 200) **Fixed.
 * 201) ***Lee, "standardizing paragraph length" means making all the paragraphs more or less the same size, not mashing them all together as you did. It currently looks like an unappealing wall of text.  CC7567  (talk) 21:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 202) ****Now better ? --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 203) Fett IV
 * 204) * "After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter, Skywalker and the squadron landed inside the medical center for regroup" Are you sure they saved all clones?
 * 205) **Why not ?
 * 206) ***If it is a speculation, make sure you source it, otherwise remove.
 * 207) ****Adressed.
 * 208) *****Double check. You can read other articles such as Nala Se or the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula if you still having issues with rewording this.
 * 209) ******Checked.
 * 210) * The article is too subsectioned. Consider merging two of the sections.
 * 211) **Merged
 * 212) ***"Early Life" is too small to have its own section.
 * 213) ****Merged.
 * 214) * "Tano advised Skywalker to abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons instead" No she did not. Ahsoka wanted Skywalker to reconsider his plan, and Plo advised that they should take out their ion cannon.
 * 215) **Fixed.
 * 216) ***Still remains
 * 217) ****Fixed.
 * 218) * "The ion cannons namely were about to destroy the Med Center which was still under attack." The ion cannon doesn't destroy targets, it eradicates their electrical energy.
 * 219) **Fixed.
 * 220) ***Still remains
 * 221) ****Fixed.
 * 222) * "Shadow Squadron managed to damage the cannons, using their Y-wing's proton torpedoes, and the cannons exploded when fired." ...What about the hyperdrive? When Shadow Squadron bombed the side of the ion cannon, it did not explode then. Grievous ordered the ion cannon to be fired, though due to the amount of damage, it overloaded and exploded. That caused the hyperdrive to fail as well.
 * 223) **Fixed.
 * 224) ***Still remains
 * 225) ****Fixed.
 * 226) * JangFett  Talk 18:24, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 227) **Got them. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 18:39, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 228) More for now
 * 229) * "After the briefing, Jedi Master Plo Koon, who had discovered the Malevolence, asked Skywalker if Shadow Squadron was able to carry out the assigned task." How did Plo discover the Malevolence?
 * 230) **Fixed.
 * 231) * " During the run, Matchstick's bomber was damaged by one of the mantas." How is this relevant to Broadside?
 * 232) **Background info.
 * 233) ***Very Play by Play though Lee. I would remove this sentence because its not very important to Broadside's character. But I'll leave that up to you.
 * 234) * "Shadow Squadron arrived at the medcenter shortly before the Malevolence came out of hyperspace and approached the station" This needs clarifying. Who approached the station?
 * 235) **Adressed.
 * 236) * "Shortly after arriving at the Medical Center, Grievous ordered to fire the Malevolence ' s turbolasers at the departing frigates, that were evacuating clones." Grievous ordered whom? "ordered" here will not work, unless you state who he ordered.
 * 237) **Adressed.
 * 238) * "The ion ray approached Skywalker's fighter and he" This is more toward Skywalker's poi. Reword to make it a general poi.
 * 239) **Fixed.
 * 240) * " The ion cannons namely were about to eradicate the energy of the Med Center, which was still under attack" Sort of confusing to what was under attack. The ion cannon or the medcenter. Clarify.
 * 241) **Fixed.
 * 242) * JangFett  Talk 23:59, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 243) **Got them all and the from your previous previews. Thanks. --Clone Commander Lee 11:22, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 244) CC
 * 245) * Please reword the first sentence of the Bio; it doesn't flow well.
 * 246) **Reworded.
 * 247) ***I'm not seeing any change.  CC7567  (talk) 07:08, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 248) ****Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 07:14, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 249) *****I fixed it myself, but I suggest you take a look at my edit. I believe that I was being quite clear.  CC7567  (talk) 22:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 250) * The Resolute isn't named in the episode; please find the source that does.
 * 251) **Sourced.
 * 252) * Please include something about Matchstick and Broadside's conversation before they departed the fleet. It's relevant.
 * 253) **Added.
 * 254) ***Lee, please watch your verb tense. You added the sequence in present tense instead of past tense.  CC7567  (talk) 07:08, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 255) * What were the Neebray mantas? They weren't the inhabitants of the nebula, and Koon stated it himself what they were. Please check the episode; I've removed your incorrect context for now.
 * 256) **Fixed.
 * 257) * Why is the Visual Guide under the sources? Broadside isn't explicitly mentioned there.
 * 258) **Removed.
 * 259) *There was a lot of inconsistent linking throughout the article, which I've now fixed, but please proofread more in the future. Articles are only linked once in the intro and once in the body, and please do not link to redirects. Furthermore, I've had to remove a lot of unverified information that was not attributable to the sources you provided. In the future, please make sure your information is legitimate before adding it to the article. I've changed the majority of the grammatical errors myself, as it would take an unnecessary amount of time for me to object to them and for you to fix them, but the only advice I can offer is to work on your English.  CC7567  (talk) 21:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 260) **Fixed. Thank yolu for your work CC. --Clone Commander Lee 06:42, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 261) QGJ
 * 262) * Give a little more context on how the Y-Wings were acquired, i.e. that Skywalker threatened the Gran to allow to take the ships. Right now you only say that Broadside and Matchstick entered the hangar, and that they left in the Y-Wings.
 * 263) **Fixed.
 * 264) * "However, the blast deactivated three of the Y-wing bombers, as well as most of the Vulture droid starfighters, and the engines of Matchstick's starfighter also failed while heading for safety, killing Broadside's friend" Several problems here:
 * 265) *** First. The way you connect the second part with "and" makes the whole sentence to read a bit awkwardly. I would suggest you to split the sentence or reword it.
 * 266) *** Second. How would the engine malfunction kill Matchstick? Unclear.
 * 267) *** Third. You say that Matchstick was Broadside's friend without establishing it earlier in the bio. It comes as a bit of surprise.
 * 268) ****Fixed.
 * 269) ***** The last objection stands. Say that they were friends earlier in the bio. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 16:58, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 270) ******Adressed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:14, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 271) *******This wasn't exactly what I wanted to see, but nevermind. I've fixed this one myself. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:35, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 272) *That's all from me. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:33, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 273) **All fixed. Thanks for the review Qui-Gon. --Clone Commander Lee 17:37, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 274) In the intro: "Skywalker then took the remainder of his squadron to the space station to recuperate for the coming battle." What coming battle? Does this have anything to do with Broadside himself? If not, is it worth mentioning at all?  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:18, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 275) *Well, he is part of the squadron and it's relevant to him. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:24, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 276) ** That's fine, but now that information (that Skywalker returned them to the Station for recuperation before pursuing the Malevolence) is present only in the intro. Please add this to the bio as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:30, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 277) ***Added. Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:36, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Lee, make sure you italicize ship names such as Malevolence.  JangFett  Talk 16:16, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Can you get a better picture for "early life and Bormus", preferably one that matches the text?  CC7567  (talk) 21:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Wooley

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 17:32, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A minor clone trooper from Innocents of Ryloth

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:53, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 17:20, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company boarded the Crumb Bomber and other LAAT/i gunships and attempted to land in Nabat, but proton cannons attacked the Acclamator transports above, and Kenobi was tasked by Jedi Master Mace Windu with taking out the cannons to allow them to land." Run-on.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Lee, like your previous noms, please watch for underlinking and overlinking issues.
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) ***No, I still see many unlinked subjects. droid, Nabat, Innocents of Ryloth are a couple of them.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company" Context on "Ghost Squadron".
 * 9) **Fixed
 * 10) ***It was not Wooley's unit. Ghost Squadron is a unit of 212th Attack Battalion.
 * 11) ****Fixed.
 * 12) * "Ghost Company then settled up a base. Shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead. Cody and Wooley went to investigate the courtyard, and discovered that the Twi'leks were being held prisoner." Very choppy, also the first two sentences are fragments.
 * 13) **Fixed
 * 14) ***Read this Lee: "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead." Improper English. Make sure you proofread what you write, and if it helps, read it out loud. Or it could be your use of punctuation that confuses the reader. I'll correct this sentence, but in the future, you should be able to correct your usage of proper punctuation. More specially: commas, semi-colons, and &mdash (&mdash;), which is used in place of commas sometimes.
 * 15) ****Lee, please rewatch the episode and find where they "scouted ahead". "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer, and Boil to scout ahead."
 * 16) *****Fixed.
 * 17) * "After reporting their findings back to Kenobi and Windu, they moved out." Moved out where?
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) * Lee, try and use translating words such as "soon", "then", "however", "though" in your sentences. Go back and correct this issue because it is difficult to understand what's happening chronologically.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) ***Along with the proofreading, double check to make sure your sentences flow together.
 * 22) ****Checked.
 * 23) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20, the Separatists in Nabat were defeated, and after the transports landed, the army headed to the capital city of Lessu succesfully reteaking the capital and winning the battle." Improper English, also they did not win the battle. Kenobi and his men destroyed the cannons, allowing Windu and his men land and organize for their run on the capital.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) ***What is the "army of Windu"? More specifically, you should say Lightning Squadron and Windu.
 * 26) ****Fixed.
 * 27) * It is not confirmed that all clone troopers were born in 32 BBY. Their homeworld is Kamino, though unless you can prove that Wooley was born in 32 BBY, please remove it.
 * 28) **Removed.
 * 29) * Lee, I strongly recommend that you go back and proofread this article because I corrected a lot of grammatical issues, spelling, and linking issues.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Only use tags in the infobox, not in the main article.
 * 32) **Sourced.
 * 33) * JangFett  Talk 00:58, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 12:22, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***No problem Lee. Remember to proofread, and double check your work. If you have a hard time with using proper punctuation, you can always look on google for guides; also you can look at the FA tutorials here. I'll give this another review soon.  JangFett  Talk 19:25, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) From the Council Chambers:
 * 37) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20,": Slightly confusing; I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
 * 38) **Cleared.
 * 39) * Can you split the last paragraph of the bio into two or three separate ones?
 * 40) **Splitted.
 * 41) * The BTS needs a little expansion, primarily context on "Innocents of Ryloth".
 * 42) **Expanded.
 * 43) *Otherwise looks good after a copyedit and some ref cleanup. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:48, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Got them all. Thanks for the review Master Jonathan. --Clone Commander Lee 06:39, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Fett II
 * 46) * "Then, Cody and the Company created a diversion, while Kenobi, Waxer, and Boil freed the prisoners and also managed to take out the rest of the proton cannons." This sentence needs clarifying. What was the diversion?
 * 47) **Cleared.
 * 48) *Good work Lee  JangFett  Talk 16:58, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) Attack of the Clone
 * 51) *While I would normally correct these myself, I feel that addressing these objections will help you learn the expectations of a GA.
 * 52) * "After reporting their findings back to Kenobi and Mace Windu, they moved out." Who was Windu? Who were "they"?
 * 53) **Fixed.
 * 54) ***When I'm asking who Windu was, I'm asking for context on him in the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Everything after that sentence in the intro lacks coherency, and there's too much detail not related to Wooley. Please try to reword and shorten it.
 * 56) **Shortened.
 * 57) * Please watch linking, especially to redirects. This is something that you can fix yourself.
 * 58) **Adressed.
 * 59) * Ghost Company comes out of nowhere in the body and is not clarified in relation to Wooley.
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) ***Saying that it's "Wooley's unit" is simply pointless and too confusing when it comes this late. Please move it earlier, as in when the 212th is first mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Fixed.
 * 63) *****Please watch linking, Lee. No matter if you move around text, articles still need to be linked the first time they are mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * The episode did not give the slightest hint that the events took place in 22 BBY. Please put the correct source in.
 * 65) **Sourced.
 * 66) * "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer, and Boil to scout ahead the city of Nabat. Then Cody and Wooley went to investigate the courtyard and discovered that the Twi'leks were being held prisoner." This is still improper English; "settled up" is not an existing idiom, and furthermore, the rest of the phrase is extremely choppy. Please reword this.
 * 67) **Fixed.
 * 68) ***They didn't "build" a base; that would mean constructing one and literally building it. They can establish a base. Furthermore, the first sentence is cut off too soon with nothing to satisfy your "shortly after". You need another independent clause in that sentence to fix it  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Fixed.
 * 70) *****Lee, although I've changed this, please note that there was still something wrong with "shortly after" and the rest of the sentence after it. That phrase won't work without a proper subject in the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * "After reporting their findings to Kenobi and Windu, they moved out to the village. However, they were attacked by gutkurrs, released by tactical droid TX-20, the commander of the Confederate forces stationed in Nabat. Kenobi managed to lure them into an alley with the Force": this whole time, I have no idea who "they" refers to.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) * Context needed for the gutkurrs. What were they?
 * 74) **Adresssed.
 * 75) ***Nowhere in the episode did it say that they were native. Please provide your source.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ****Fixed.
 * 77) * "Then, Cody and the Company created a diversion by attacking the droids, while Kenobi, Waxer, and Boil freed the prisoners and also managed to take out the rest of the proton cannons." There's a lack of flow and an unneeded sense of chronology here. Please reword.
 * 78) **Fixed.
 * 79) ***The "unneeded sense of chronology" and "choppiness" comes with the "Then" at the beginning of the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ****Fixed.
 * 81) *****Lee, I've fixed this, but please take note: if you state "In order to achieve there goals," you need to state what they were, and you put in the wrong form of "their". Please proofread more in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "When the tactical droid commander was about to shot Kenobi": please reread this and try to change what you find. It's improper English and lacks good sentence flow.
 * 83) **Fixed.
 * 84) * The first two sentences of the P&T have no verifiability with their current wording and need more clarification. Furthermore, please proofread the last sentence and try to reword it.
 * 85) **Fixed.
 * 86) ***This still remains. How, specifically, was Wooley shown to be one of the best scouts when Cody picked them? If this is true, then anyone Cody picks for scouting is the best, and the reader has no clue why. Furthermore, the last sentence still lacks good flow.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) ****Fixed.
 * 88) *****Lee, this still does not work. What was Kenobi's exact quote and order to Cody for scouting ahead? Until you can clarify this in the article, that part of the P&T remains speculation. Furthermore, I've just gone ahead and fixed the last sentence for you.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) ******Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 10:41, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) *******Lee, putting the quote in the P&T does absolutely nothing. I'm asking you to clarify this in the text of the P&T, not provide a quote and still not relate it to the P&T. When I say "clarify it in the article", that means relate it back to your own words, not simply provide the lines from the episode and do nothing with it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:12, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ********Sorry, CC. I don't really understand this objection. --Clone Commander Lee 07:25, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) *********Here's what I'm asking: How do we know that because Cody picked him, he was "one of the best"? Your P&T does nothing to satisfy or clarify this, and the current wording means that anyone Cody picks to scout is immediately one of the best.  CC7567  (talk) 22:45, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) **********Better now ?--Clone Commander Lee 11:04, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) ***********I still fail to see how the P&T quote is still relevant. Either remove it or relate it to Wooley in the caption.  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) ************Removed. --SUBST:User:Clone Commander Lee/sig 20:49, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *For future reference, you cannot "make someone able" to do something. You're better off with replacing it with "allowing" or "allowed".  CC7567  (talk) 06:52, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) **Should got them. Thanks for the review, CC. --Clone Commander Lee 18:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ***Take two. --Clone Commander Lee 09:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Are you still planning to do a second review of him, CC ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:46, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Barb Mentir

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 18:51, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor pirate from TCW The Gungan General

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 16:59, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) After a final set of fixes. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 12:59, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Add at least one more image.
 * 3) **Added by JMAS.
 * 4) * Missing quotes for the head and bio.
 * 5) ** I'll ask JMAS.
 * 6) ***Added by JMAS.
 * 7) * Check your sources. Did you also check the guide?
 * 8) **Checked.
 * 9) ***Lee, that is not the way to source. You just copied and pasted "Shadow of Malevolence" guide, but renamed the title name to "The Gungan General". I suggest that you double check your sources and then add the two guides (Gungan & Dooku) into the "Soruces" section. Also, don't source to the decoded episode on StarWars.com, because they replace them each week. Source Gungan decoded content with:.
 * 10) ****Sourced.
 * 11) *****I redid some referencing and sourcing.
 * 12) * "Around 27 BBY, Barb Mentir was involved in a knife fight, there he lost his right eye in the fight and later wore an eye patch over where it had been." I probably forgot, but did it say around 27 BBY or said couple years before?
 * 13) ** It don't know certainly the info was there before i worked on the article and I can't watch the decoded episode.
 * 14) ***I suggest that you remove it the "27 BBY" with "Before the Clone Wars".
 * 15) ****Fixed.
 * 16) * "Around 22 BBY, the Sith Lord and Separaratist leader Count Dooku crashlanded on Vanqor, after being chased and shot down by Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker." So Anakin and Obi-Wan chased and shot down Dooku? You fail to mention their ships. Also too much context on Dooku. You can say Confederate Head of State Count Dooku, or just Sith Lord.
 * 17) **Adressed.
 * 18) * "After trapping the Jedi in a cave, Dooku met some members of Ohnaka's gang. Hondo Ohnaka took the Count to Florrum and captured him there." Dooku was not captured on Florrum. He was taken captive before hand and wasn't released by the pirates.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * "Ohnaka contacted Supreme Chancellor Palpatine of the Galactic Republic and agreed to acceppt a ransom in form of spice for the Count." How this is relevant to Barb?
 * 21) **Says why the Republic went to Florrum.
 * 22) * If you're not aware of Barb being on Vanqor, then don't add excessive details about the capture of Dooku, Obi-Wan and Anakin. While you're just summarizing the plot to "Dooku captured", none of the details are related to Barb.
 * 23) **Background info.
 * 24) * "Falso, however, wanted to betray Ohnaka and conspired with Mentir." This sentence doesn't flow well with the next sentence. You say he conspired with Mentir, but then the next sentence, Falso talked with Ohnaka.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Falso also expressed his sorrows that Ohnka would negotiate with the Galactic Republic diplomats and ordered Mentir to shoot the Republic shuttle down." Expressed his sorrows with whom?
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) * "After landing, Falso was awaited by Falso who asked him if he had completed his task." Falso was awaited by Falso?
 * 29) ** Oops. Corrected.
 * 30) * "Mentir hesitantly told him that the shuttle had crashed in the Doshar fields." told who?
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * "Falso then asked him if hed had the spice." Fragment, consider merging.
 * 33) **Merged.
 * 34) * "Mentir first appered as an unidentified pirate in The Gungan General the 12th episode of the Clone Wars TV series, aired at January 9, 2009." While it was the 12th episode, don't mention it because of the unestablished timelime. Airdate is fine.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * Again, a lot of details aren't related to Barb. The article seems if it is a short summary of "Dooku Captured" and "Gungan General". While you do have most information about Barb, please go back and remove any irrelevant details that don't concern him. Sentences like this: "Dooku then choked Falso to death and escaped in their ship.", shouldn't belong in a article about Barb.
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) *Lee, like your other noms, please make sure you give your articles a good copyedit. I see a lot of grammatical errors, spelling errors, and tense issues. While I corrected most of them, please go back and check for yourself.
 * 39) **I'll can't do a copyedit myself.
 * 40) ***At least try, and once you're done checking, you can ask someone else to give it a copyedit :)
 * 41) ****I read through the article.
 * 42) * JangFett  Talk 19:29, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **I don't get all really well but thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 14:31, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) Few more for now
 * 45) * The "Death as a pirate" section is too small to have its own section. You can merge it with the other.
 * 46) **Merged.
 * 47) * Intro-"However some clone troopers, along with Gungan Representative Jar Jar Binks, had survived the impact and managed to kill all pirates, except Falso, who returned to the base and told Ohnaka that the Republic had sent an army instead of the ransom." Whle you mentioned the clone troopers and Jar Jar in the intro, you failed to mention it in his bio.
 * 48) **Fixed.
 * 49) * P&T-"Also, he was able to fly a Flarestar ship so good to force a Nu-class shuttle, piloted by clone trooper pilots down." A bit too POV
 * 50) **Reworded.
 * 51) ***"Good enough" is still more towards POV.
 * 52) ****reworded.
 * 53) * JangFett  Talk 17:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **Fixed. Thanks for both review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:28, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ***No problem Lee, more to come.
 * 56) Fett will look once more
 * 57) * Intro-"Around 22 BBY, he cooperated with Turk Falso to betray the leader of their gang, who had captured Count Dooku, leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems." Context on Falso.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) * "After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Falso met with Mentir and told him that the spice was on the way and ordered Mentir to shoot the Republic shuttle down, being careful to not damage the spice." This sentence needs clarifying. It is quite confusing when Falso ordered Mentir to do something. The way the sentence is worded sounds like Falso is telling Mentir to shoot the ship, however, shoot the ship with what? Where is the spice?
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) * "Mentir felt the plan was too risky and asked him about Ohnaka. Falso calmed his fears and claimed they would be long gone before Ohnaka realized what happened. Mentir then took a Flarestar-class Weequay ship and waited in Florrum's atmosphere for the arrival of the Republic shuttle." These sentences are too choppy.
 * 62) **Fixed.
 * 63) * "He opened fire, and after firing two missiles, successfully managed to bring the shuttle down." He opened fire with what? Also after "He opened fire," the next part of the sentence doesn't make sense. "Successfully managed" doesn't work here.
 * 64) **Fixed.
 * 65) * "He returned to the pirate base where he reported in to Falso." Merge this with the next sentence.
 * 66) **Fixed.
 * 67) * "Falso then found Mentir, planning to escape with a ship." This sentence is very confusing. Reword.
 * 68) **Fixed.
 * 69) * BtS- I see a repetition of "He".
 * 70) **Fixed.
 * 71) * JangFett  Talk 00:38, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Got them all. Thanks for the third review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 10:44, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) Fett IV
 * 74) * "After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Turk Falso, a fellow pirate in the gang, met with Mentir..." Curious how you say Falso is Ohnaka's second in command in the intro, and then change the context for Falso to "a fellow pirate in the gang". Also, it looks like they're separate. Ohnaka, Turk Falso, a fellow pirate in the gang.. Almost appears if they're three people.
 * 75) **Fixed.
 * 76) ***Prefacing this by stating that I haven't seen any decoded episodes. Is it stated in the decoded episode that Turk Falso is Hondo's second-in-command? If not, then the statement has no basis. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 16:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ****I don't have seen the decoded episode too. So I corrected it. --Clone Commander Lee 16:26, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) *****"After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Turk Falso, another pirate in the gang, met with Mentir and told him that the spice was on the way and ordered Mentir to shoot down the" The way it's worded sounds like Mentir is discussing the ransom with three people.
 * 79) ******Changed. --Clone Commander Lee 16:57, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *Good work Lee, make sure you double check for grammatical errors, underlinking, and tense issues. You can always ask someone to give it a copyedit.  JangFett  Talk 16:08, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) **Fixed. Thanks for the reviews Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 16:11, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) QGJ
 * 83) ** The "Life as a pirate" subsection is unnecessary, since it basically covers the whole biography. The biography is rather short, so you don't actually need to use subsections at all.
 * 84) ***Removed.
 * 85) ** "After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Turk Falso, who was another pirate in the gang, met with Mentir and told him that the spice was on the way and ordered Mentir to shoot down the Republic shuttle, which was transporting the spice, with his ship, being careful to not damage the spice." This sentence is a run-on and reads awkwardly. Split it.
 * 86) ***Splitted.
 * 87) ** The last paragraph in the bio is rather choppy. Merge some of the sentences together.
 * 88) **Adressed.
 * 89) ** "Mentir then took a Flarestar-class Weequay ship..." Next sentence: He returned to the pirate base where he reported in to Falso and Mentir. Something's wrong here, because it currently implies as if Mentir reported to himself :P
 * 90) ***Fixed.
 * 91) ** Why is the episode guide for "Dooku Captured" listed in the sources? Does it mention Mentir? If not, it should be removed.
 * 92) ***Removed.
 * 93) **Quite good, overall. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:45, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) ***Got them. Thanks for the reviwe, Qui-Gon. --Clone Commander Lee 09:20, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Lucia

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:00, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of FloydProject: Path of Destruction.

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good work Floyd.  JangFett  Talk 03:42, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:48, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Mauser  Comlink 21:53, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 07:48, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Please watch your linking, though.  CC7567  (talk) 05:08, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Lucia served in the Gloom Walkers under the command of Lieutenant Ulabore, and by the Battle of Phaseera in 1,002 BBY had seen relatively little combat but was still recognized as one of the best shots in the unit and served as a sniper in battle. Break it up. Also, there are two "served"s.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * served as a junior officer. In 1,002 BBY, Lucia and the Gloom Walkers served in the Battle of Phaseera, an effort to capture the Republic manufacturing world of Phaseera. At that time, Lucia had seen little action, but was already regarded as one of the best shots in the unit and served as a sniper in combat. Three serves.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * The Gloom Walkers were tasked with taking out a Republic outpost which was overlooking a valley that led to the Republic base camp in Phaseera's capital city, preventing the Brotherhood army from moving through the valley during the daytime without being spotted and their presence alerted to the Republic soldiers in the camp. Break it up. Otherwise, nice article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:03, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:07, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Toprawa:
 * 9) *My only objection is a request to qualify this statement. "Seemed to" according to whom? Lucia? "Dessel seemed to retain his sight, even after the detonation of the flash canister" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:05, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Finn Galfridian

 * Nominated by:  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 03:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of my Galfridian Project

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 00:43, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:52, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) I trust you'll get Chack's first one properly, very good otherwise. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:41, 23 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Intro needs expanding.
 * 3) * "Although the two and their people were able to reach the hangar, the Yuuzhan Vong kept the building under siege." Try to reword "the two and their people". Mention who where the "two".
 * 4) * The "Yavin 4" section is too small to have its own section. Merge the sentence with the bio content.
 * 5) * P&T-"He had a dislike of shopping unless it was for food." Merge these short, choppy sentences.
 * 6) * P&T-"He was forced to take on much responsibility after his father elected to remain on Artorias to fight the Yuuzhan Vong invaders." That is not needed, it is already mentioned in the bio.
 * 7) * P&T-"He confided to Luke Skywalker that he didn't know how to lead, but was informed by the Jedi Master that if he faked confidence, he would get his people's backing." Again, not needed. You're just restating information from the bio. Unless you can state and source that he wasn't a natural leader and wasn't sure of himself in leading.
 * 8) * P&T-"He wanted to join his father's strike force against the Yuuzhan Vong despite the near certainty of death and at one point told Skywalker that he needed to find his mother and sister, despite knowing they were being held in captivity by the invaders." Again, not needed. Rewording content from the bio and then place it in the P&T is not concise.
 * 9) * Overall, try to lessen the play by play detail from the bio. Other than that, good work.
 * 10) **I think I got them all PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:53, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Soresu
 * 12) * First off, when you type bolded comic quotes, you are meant to use italics instead.
 * 13) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Context on Artorias. Just "the planet Artorias" should be enough.
 * 15) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Mention that his Force-sensitivity was discovered in the intro. ATM, he isn't explicitly linked to having the ability.
 * 17) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Context on the Yuuzhan Vong in the intro and body.
 * 19) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***You don't need to use up a whole sentence. Just add a tag at the end, like "Yuuzhan Vong, a species of extragalactic invaders, attempted to conquer the planet". SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:44, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Addressed
 * 22) * Check for underlinking.
 * 23) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***Got the last few, I think. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:40, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * his leadership qualities when he was thrust into a leadership role for the citizens of Artorias, confiding to Luke Skywalker that he was in over his head and wasn't a leader. Leader is too repetitive.
 * 26) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Still two left. Change one more one. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:40, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ****I must've missed it the first time around. Now it's addressed.
 * 29) * was ultimately lost. Due to the timely assistance of Luke Skywalker he was able to evacuate safely from Artorias. However his sister and mother were ultimately captured, Ultimately is reptitive.
 * 30) ** Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *Not bad, overall. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:45, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ** Thanks :)  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Nayayen just got the Invasion comics today
 * 34) * "It was just after one of his exercises when the Yuuzhan Vong, an aggressive race of extra-galactic invaders, invaded the planet." The use of "invade" is repetitive here, reword it a bit.
 * 35) ** Addressed
 * 36) ***There is still another invade in the next sentence but I'm Chack'll notice with his objection.
 * 37) * In that same sentence, move the link to Battle of Artorias from "invaded" to "invasion" in the first sentence of the section.
 * 38) * "to rescue Finn's mother and sister Kaye" Can you mention Nina explicitly here? It sort of sounds like you're saying that Kaye is his mother and sister.
 * 39) ** Addressed
 * 40) * You should include the fact that he could see through Prowl's photoreceptors via his goggles.
 * 41) ** Addressed
 * 42) * You need to link to Galfridian family & Battle of Rychel somewhere in the article.
 * 43) * In fact, check your linking throughout; remember my objection on your Vindication FAN.
 * 44) **Chack got most of mine and I've done the rest I saw. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  00:49, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *Other than that, it looks good. I'll upload a better version of File:Finnlift.jpg for you too. -- Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk 15:58, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ** Thanks  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:27, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) Chack Attack:
 * 48) *"It was just after one of his exercises when the Yuuzhan Vong, an aggressive race of extra-galactic invaders, invaded the planet. The Yuuzhan Vong had recently invaded the galaxy, destroying the planet of Sernpidal in the process." You use "invaded" too many times. Please change the two "invaded" verbs. This is the same as Nayayen's, so sorry, this just strongly jumped out to me.
 * 49) ** Addressed
 * 50) *Training on Yavin 4 is a bit too pbp.
 * 51) ** Addressed
 * 52) *"Finn Galfridian appeared to be bored with life on Artorias." Can you state that he was definitely bored? In the Bio, you essentially do, and from you've described in the article, it sounds as though you can remvoe this "weasel word".
 * 53) ** Addressed
 * 54) *"since he had a dislike of shopping with his family unless it was for food." Any details on why he liked shopping for food?
 * 55) ** Addressed. I decided to remove that line as it was rather mundane.
 * 56) *Overall good work, just watch your linking. I think I fixed it all, so that likely satisfy Nayayen's objection, though you should make sure.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:44, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ** Thanks  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 22:27, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) Attack of the Clone
 * 59) *Please start off the body with Finn. It sounds too storybookish otherwise.
 * 60) *If there's enough info, "destroying the planet of Sernpidal in the process" and "sabotaged by a Yuuzhan Vong agent" both need to be linked.
 * 61) *Please work in a mention somehow that Prowl went with Finn to the Jedi academy.
 * 62) *Why was Finn "frozen"?
 * 63) *Please reword the colloquial "developed a crush." It's extremely un-encyclopedic.
 * 64) *Are you sure that the "Great" in Kyp Duron's quote is capitalized?
 * 65) *Make sure that you keep him regularly updated. The next Invasion issue is coming out in just three days.  CC7567  (talk) 18:51, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I feel that I musk ask: are you 100% sure you wanna do this? Because you will most likely have to update it every month for several years. Oh, and the second issue is already out.  Mauser  Comlink 21:55, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, I want to get it to GA status at least. I figure I'll wait awhile before I FAN any of the Galfridians.  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 23:31, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Caled Galfridian

 * Nominated by:  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 03:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of my Galfridian Project

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 15:27, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:43, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Intro needs a major expansion
 * 3) * I see a lot of play by play detail that is not needed. Try to go back and remove any irrelevant information, or just minor details.
 * 4) * Like Finn, I see a lot of underlinking problems. Any new subject that appears in the intro and main body, in this case his bio, must be linked. i.e, Hoth or Rebel Alliance. During my copyedit, I linked a couple of subjects.
 * 5) * "They were herded into a Yuuzhan Vong slaveship and imprisoned." Merge this with the previous sentence and identify "they".
 * 6) * "Caled ruled an idyllic planet that was so peaceful that it did not even possess a rudimentary defense force." "they" is repetitive. Also, try to reword this sentence. "that was so peace that it did not even possess a rudimentary defense force". Quite confusing, possibly it is the repetition of "they"
 * 7) * "The king and his rushed towards the marketplace to find Caled's wife Nina and daughter Kaye." "the king and his rushed"? Reword
 * 8) * P&T-"However, Caled also showed responsibility towards his people." Try to mention this eariler in the P&T.
 * 9) *P&T- "When the Yuuzhan Vong invaded Artorias, Caled's first action was to rush to the marketplace in order to save his wife and daughter. He personally ordered the Artorians in the marketplace to retreat to the hangar, and once inside, set about organizing a defense. When Luke Skywalker gave him the opportunity to evacuate the planet, Caled refused. He cited his duty as king to keep Artorias safe and wished to look for any signs of his wife and daughter. The king then organized a strike force to attack the Yuuzhan Vong directly." This paragraph just restates what happened in the bio. It is not needed in the P&T.
 * 10) * JangFett  Talk 16:42, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ** I think I got it all  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 23:47, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *** More to come.  JangFett  Talk 00:46, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Try it now  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 04:14, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Addressed  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *****After reviewing it for a second time, everything looks good :)  JangFett  Talk 15:27, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Nayayen is liking Invasion
 * 17) * Yet again (and worse than your others), linking issues. It seems to be a common objection to your noms so please do ask if you want some help.
 * 18) **I got what I could find, but I admit I do need some help so feel free to edit if you find any others (or just inform me and I'll take care of it)
 * 19) ***There were only a few left. I fixed a few sp/grammar errors also. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:43, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Can you mention Dulac anywhere?
 * 21) **Addressed
 * 22) * The flow and general grammar in the P&T is all over the place. Go through with a fine-toothed comb.
 * 23) **Addressed
 * 24) * "Powers and abilities" is only for Force sensitives. Use "Skills and abilities" for Caled.
 * 25) **Addressed
 * 26) * "using both of these to great effect" With regards to the thermal detonators, Finn said that they didn't have much effect.
 * 27) *Not quite as well-written as Finn but a good read nonetheless. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk 19:43, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **Thanks  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 21:10, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Attack of the Clone
 * 30) *There's a lot of intro-exclusive info, including his service in the Battle of Hoth, and the bio is reading like a summary of the issue with absolutely no background info. Please fix this.
 * 31) *"The last time the strike team was seen, they were engaging the Yuuzhan Vong in the surf." Seen by who? This sentence isn't being written from the right perspective; it needs to be focused on Caled, not anyone else.
 * 32) *Next time, please double-check the Manual of Style and Layout Guide. Per the latter, your "See also" section was unneeded because it was already linked in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *Next time, please double-check the Manual of Style and Layout Guide. Per the latter, your "See also" section was unneeded because it was already linked in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Lasavvou

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:05, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Would've supported on FAN if it had stayed over 1000 words.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:56, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  08:07, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:40, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) * Have you checked the CSWE? QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 07:50, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **He does not appear. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 17:23, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nayayen
 * 4) * "a branch of the crime syndicate the Exchange." This sounds a little odd, surely just "the Exchange crime sydicate"?
 * 5) ** It is not the Exchange but rather a different, side company that is covertly owned by the Exchange.
 * 6) ***Nevermind, I realized what you ment after posting that. Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 17:26, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * You also don't mention that the docking authority was owned by the Exchange in the body of the article.
 * 8) **I thought I'd remedied that already.
 * 9) * Link to CUSWE entry?
 * 10) **It says nothing but "He was stranded and got saved." It doesn't really help the article.
 * 11) * "...Kahranna, as well as her family, with him off the planet." Nar Shaddaa is a moon.
 * 12) **Fixed.
 * 13) * Same planet/moon issue near the end of the P&T and Bts.
 * 14) **Fixed.
 * 15) *Other than that, looks good Naru. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  09:36, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * You'll need to take care of that redlink now that Rule 8 has been tweaked to have none in the intro. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  17:36, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **It was a non-article that I'd forgotten was deleted or moved or what-have-you. The link has been removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:23, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) QGJ
 * 19) ** I think you should use the GameLS template in the bio.
 * 20) ***Added.
 * 21) ** The mention of the Jedi Civil War is unique to the intro.
 * 22) ***Added.
 * 23) ** You use the "with what credits he had" construction twice. Try to vary it a bit.
 * 24) ***Fixed.
 * 25) ** Bts. "If the Exile follows the dark path when the Ithorian asks if she is part of the dock authority, if the player says that she is and that they can negotiate a lower price, he will pay her 200 credits to get more time to pay the fee but never talk to her again." Three "if"s in the same sentence doesn't quite work. Reword.
 * 26) ***How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:23, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****You haven't touched this sentence at all. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 12:43, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *****Sorry. Fixed.
 * 29) **Good job otherwise. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 21:02, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) One thing:
 * 31) *"The Ithorian shipped deliveries around the galaxy and was in the middle of such a shipment in 3,951 BBY, taking a large shipment of cryogenic power cells to a contact that was supposed to meet him on the moon." Too many ship/shipments. All I got for you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:58, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:56, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Attack of the Clone
 * 34) *"a group with an unknown purpose": I seriously do not want to see that ever again. If your context is going to make use of the IU-banned "unknowns", then reword it or don't put it in.
 * 35) *If there's enough info, please link his contact.
 * 36) *Please vary "successful".
 * 37) *Please do something about the clashing tenses in the Bts. Pick one tense and stick with it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:26, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

The Clone Wars: The Dreams of General Grievous

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 16:12, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Continuing the OOU TCW comic wave.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kreivi Wolter 03:47, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 13:34, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * We can now link to individual pages of the webcomic, so please reference accordingly.
 * 3) *Otherwise, great job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:33, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Addressed. Thanks for the review Jonathan :)
 * 5) ***See my explanation under Transfer above. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:17, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ****Should be good now Jonathan :)
 * 7) Imagecat
 * 8) * Why is the Imagecat included twice in article? --Kreivi Wolter 21:38, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Good catch :) The one in the app list is removed
 * 10) ***Nothing else to complain about. Good work.--Kreivi Wolter 19:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) The Grand Master
 * 12) * Watch for the tense shifting in the first two sentences of the intro.
 * 13) **Addressed
 * 14) * "However, he mentions that these are not dreams, but rather, dreams that happened in the past that continue to fade." They're dreams, but they're not dreams? Please word this a little more clearly.
 * 15) **Opps, addressed.
 * 16) * I can't find anything in the comic that says he murdered legends "for pleasure". Also, the comic mentions only that he's "slain kings", not "the leaders of many planets throught the galaxy."
 * 17) **See comment below
 * 18) ***Well, the point I'm trying to make here is that "slaying kings" isn't the same as slaying "leadears of planets throughout the galaxy" or murdering "kings throughout many worlds". For all we know, the "kings" he refers to could be from his own planet. Saying anything further is speculation/OR.
 * 19) ***Done.
 * 20) * A lot of the wording I'm seeing in the Plot Summary is taken straight out of the comic itself. Please reword it.
 * 21) **After rereading the comic, I was able to reword some but not all. It is a relativity small comic with little detail.
 * 22) ***I understand, but there's still a few phrases (i.e. "tastes failure") that have been taken pretty much directly out of the comic. If you can't find a good way to reword, just use a thesaurus and replace the words with synonyms. I'll give it another look once you finish with these :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:54, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Okay :)
 * 24) * "The droid alerts him that Count Dooku is trying to make contact with him, which will set up how Dooku contacted Grievous before he landed on the third moon of Vassek in "Lair of Grievous" " Is there any way that this could be worded more clearly? How is this setting up how Dooku contacted Grievous before Grievous landed? I'm not quite sure of the point you're trying to make.
 * 25) **Hope this helps.
 * 26) * The "Development" subsection is rather unnecessary, and should probably just be combined into the Bts.
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:06, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) The Grand Master strikes back
 * 30) *You say: "He feels failure every time he looks back..." However, the comic implies that he has tasted failure recently, not before.
 * 31) *"But the new droid soldiers he now commands aren't as good compared to the ones he had in the past." In the comic, he doesn't compare how good they are, he just states that the soldiers he now commands are not the same as the soldiers of his past, in his dreams.
 * 32) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:04, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Could this image be used in the article?--Kreivi Wolter 10:19, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Due to the size of the article, it would be redundant.  JangFett  Talk 16:30, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Pity. Well, cant help.--Kreivi Wolter 19:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: Mouse Hunt

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 00:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: It's not my fault, Kilson asked me to do this!

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well, nonetheless, Nicely done :)  JangFett  Talk 00:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nicely done Mauser, thanks for doing this. :) Kilson Likes PIE 18:59, 05 August 09 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 01:26, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Sorry I took so long to reply.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:56, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * We can now link to individual pages of the webcomic, so please reference accordingly.
 * 3) * Context on "Shinies".
 * 4) *Otherwise, good job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **All done. Thanks for the review.  Mauser  Comlink 12:04, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***As I explained to Kilson and JangFett, not everything can be sourced to one page. The writer, penciller, etc. need to be sourced to the "inside cover" of the issue, while the issue number, "preceded by", and "followed by" fields in the infobox need to be sourced to the table of contents. Also check the BTS to make sure statements there are sourced to the correct page. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:40, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Adressed.  Mauser  Comlink 22:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) The Grand Master
 * 9) * Actually, you do need to use the clones' numbers instead of names per this CT.
 * 10) **Adressed.
 * 11) *"asks Stripe for his opinion about the alert and wonders whether the officers do the same at every inspection just to drill the rookies." Do the same what? Please check grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:14, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Adressed. Thanks for the review.  Mauser  Comlink 17:21, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *** Please check again. You say he is wondering whether they "do the same" at every inspection, but you don't specify what it is he thinks they are doing. (i.e. what does he think they might be doing the same at each inspection?)
 * 14) ****Changed wording.  Mauser  Comlink 03:08, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) After a second look, you're missing a quote for the plot.  JangFett  Talk 17:37, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Do we need one?  Mauser  Comlink 17:46, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **After Kilson's Procedure had been approved, someone gave me the suggestion of adding the tagline of the comic as the head quote and then a quote from inside the comic in the plot for Transfer, and since then I've been doing the same for other OOU TCW comics.
 * 18) ***Okay. Done.  Mauser  Comlink 17:58, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) This isn't an objection but, I see you use "Cody" and "Rex" instead of their designated Clone trooper serial numbers. i.e, CC-2224. Possibly you can use their numbers instead of their nicknames?  JangFett  Talk 00:53, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Gibberous Crumb

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 17:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The less intelligent cousin of Salacious

(3 ACs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 05:54, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:14, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:03, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 19:30, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Naru
 * 2) * Context on the Clone Wars in the intro.
 * 3) **Qualifying context is needed for the Confederacy and Galactic Republic. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:38, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I'm not quite sure what "qualifying context" means, as it is a while since I finished learning English at school. If you mean describing what the Republic and CIS are, then that is slightly un-necessary, as that would be adding context to something that has only been added to give the article a bit of context, so if off-topic. Also, I am fairly sure that even the most casual readers will know what the Republic and the CIS are --Jinzler 18:21, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****What I mean is, give it basic context. Such as for the CIS: try it as something like "a group of militant separatists" or something like that. the Republic should at least be specified as the prominent galactic government of the time. Also, I agree that more casual readers would know what these are but remember, these articles are for explaining SW events to everyone and to accomplish that, some minor concessions have to be made to n00bs who are just learning about SW. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 19:33, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****"Qualifying context" is not needed for the CIS or Republic. All the context necessary is present in their titles, which explain what they are. We might make concessions for noobs who are just learning about SW, but we don't make concessions for those who cannot comprehend English. And I've removed the "context" for the Clone Wars in the intro - the CW are merely being used as a timeline reference and have no further relevance to the character. I don't think you really understand context. If you want to inflict your unnecessary explanations in your own articles, well that's one thing, but please don't expect others to do the same, without first establishing a sitewide standard via CT or somesuch. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:54, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Excuse me, Acky, but I do understand how to give context. And I have the right to request whatever changes I think will benefit the article while it is nominated which are, of course, subject to the author's approval unless it is a mistake such as a grammatical or chronological error. Also, just because it is a timeline reference does not mean it doesn't need context, what if a person was to write "around the time Luke Skywalker met Darth Vader for the first time?" Yes, that's an exageration but it's a timeline reference the needs context on Luke Skywalker, Vader, and a brief extrapolation (by means of a link) of what they mean as their first encounter. Was it aboard the Death Star when he killed Obi-Wan or was it on Mimban when they first dueled? It needs context. And though I admit I go overboard on contexting occasionally, this is not one of those times. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:15, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Yes it is. I don't really understand your example - there's only one "Clone Wars" so no more explanation is needed. It's not reasonable of you to object on this when things like "Clone Wars" aren't given a little explanation (which in their flow-killing form seriously detract from the article in pretty much all cases) when it's not done anywhere else. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:16, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ********I understand where you're coming from on this, but the way Jinzler wrote the context was not detrimental to the flow of the Intro. It read fine from my standpoint. Furthermore, the point wasn't that there were two possible events, it was to point out that even timestamps deserve contextification and the Clone Wars, like any other conflict, is given basic context in many cases, especially when put through the nomination process. The fact is that there is no CT setting standards on context but that does not mean that your definition, nor mine for that matter, is the definition of how it must be done. In fact, if Jinzler had declined to give the Clone Wars conflict context, if he gave an actual reason to do so, I would have respected his descision and we would not be having this conversation where it does not need to be had. Your reason is that it upsets the flow of the article and, as with any flow probem, that can be remedied if you truly think so. Domineering and simply taking it down because you disagree with it is not the way to settle these issues. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:37, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *********Continuing this debate isn't going to help anyone. If Jinzler wants to add context for the Republic and Confederacy, then he'll add it, but if you two want to continue debating who's right and who's wrong and who has better reasoning in this situation, please keep it off the nomination page. Arguing over this isn't going to improve the article.  CC7567  (talk) 04:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Added --Jinzler 09:43, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * What freelance agents and why was Nirama meeting them?
 * 13) **The agents are the player characters and the nature of what they are like depends on the player characters, so I can't really say who they are. Why Nirama was meeting with them is already mentioned in the bio and I omitted this from the intro, as it is not totally relevant to Crumb; it is just background information --Jinzler 09:43, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * In the body, what amphibious creatures? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:43, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Unfortunately, the source does not state what they are --Jinzler 09:43, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Tactical droid (unidentified planet)

 * Nominated by: Kreivi Wolter 00:06, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My second GA nomination.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:36, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 14:51, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  JangFett  Talk 19:46, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * You must say "Around 22 BBY" rather than "In 22 BBY", due to the unestablished timeline. For the infobox, you need to say Circa 22 BBY, i.e, c. 22 BBY.
 * 3) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Intro needs minor expanding.
 * 5) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 19:48, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Due to the size of the bio, the intro should be proportionate to the bio.
 * 7) ****I'll do it when the rest of the article is ready.--Kreivi Wolter 17:19, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "Soon the tactical droid learned about the bunker, and, hoping to receive a valuable information about the Grand Army of the Republic, mounted his Single Trooper Aerial Platform, and led his droid forces to the bunker." This sentence is confusing. Anything from the first "and" to the second "and" needs rewording. Also "and" is repetitive in this sentence.
 * 9) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "By the time the tactical droid arrived to the bunker with his forces, Secura had hid herself into the bunker, and positioned her clone troopers to a nearby rock, where a marshal commander CC-5052 sighted the "target" tactical droid with electrobinoculars and signaled Secura that the droids were marching toward the bunker." Cut this sentence. Too much if occurring at the same time which makes it rather difficult to follow.
 * 11) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * " The tactical droid ordered his droid forces to defend him, and quickly fled inside to the bunker." Quite confusing. I don't understand why he ordered his droid forces to defend him then he "went" into the bunker.
 * 13) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "As his forces were all destroyed, he tried to plan his next move, but this was interrupted by Aayla Secura, who confronted and decapitated the suprised tactical droid with her lightsaber, before the droid could trigger a cyberostasis in order to protect the informations in his memory banks." How were his droid forces destroyed? I'm also seeing a lack of build up with Secura's advance. The previous sentence states the tactical droid wanted his droid forces to defend him, but then in the next sentence, all his forces where destroyed&mdash;but by whom? and where where the droids?
 * 15) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * "The unscathed head was then taken by Secura, who reunited with his clone troopers and prepared to transfer the head to a cruiser in order to analyze it with a robolobotomy and learn what informations it might hold." Is this really relevant? After the droid was destroyed, any information after its death should not be mentioned.
 * 17) **Well, of course it is relevant! Many articles have legacy section, which technically isn't even related to the article, and this information relate directly to the droid.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***I see what you mean.
 * 19) * "Like all tactical droids, this droid was far more intelligent than standard battle droids of the Separatist Droid Army and wasn't controlled by a computer, allowing him to think and function independently." "standard", before battle droids, shouldn't be added, it gets too-pov orientated.
 * 20) **In here, it wasn't criticized. I don't think that standard is "too bad" to be from a neutral view.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Well, I criticized it :) But nonetheless, you're right.
 * 22) * In the BtS, mention when the comic was released. To source it, see Procedure, Transfer, or Cold Snap
 * 23) **I would rather not. It is important for the comic, but not for the droid itself. Just like in articles Mag and Shiv, which both are good article.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *More to come :)  JangFett  Talk 15:24, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) For now, make sure you link any new subject that appears in the bio. I see minor underlinking problems.  JangFett  Talk 18:47, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Roger roger. I checked the links, and they are just good now (at least for me : ).--Kreivi Wolter 19:48, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) CC-Lee attacks
 * 28) * Mention the Clone Wars in the intro.
 * 29) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 06:29, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Context on the Clone Wars in the bio.
 * 31) **...what?--Kreivi Wolter 06:29, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Explain what the Clone Wars where. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:10, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****...uh, you mean that I should tell about the Clone Wars?--Kreivi Wolter 19:26, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****No, no. I believe Lee meant to add context to the Clone Wars. But, however, "Clone Wars" in general defines itself. Context is not really needed.  JangFett  Talk 20:00, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ******Ah, thats what I thought, thanks. (Damn this imperfect english).--Kreivi Wolter 08:13, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Bts needs sourcing.
 * 37) **Darn it! After a long search around the internet, I couldn't find any suitable source. Do you know any? Does anyone know?--Kreivi Wolter 06:29, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ***While I sourced the first sentence of the BtS to the webcomic, where did you find the information about him being the first tactical droid?  JangFett  Talk 18:01, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Gnh! I found it in the article TX-20. But I know that there were no source for it. In here, it is stated that it was episode guide of the Innocents of Ryloth. I wasn't able to find it, thought. I would really, really appreciate help with this one.--Kreivi Wolter 18:21, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *****If the information doesn't appear in the episode guides, episode commentaries, then possibly that line was a speculation and has to be removed.  JangFett  Talk 18:26, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ******I agree. I didn't found any source so it should be removed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:33, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *******I removed it. For now. Hopefully the source will be found someday :¨( . Well, it wasn't directly related to this droid anyway : ) Kreivi Wolter 19:26, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *That's all. Good work. --Clone Commander Lee 18:21, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Thx for the review : ) Kreivi Wolter 20:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Fett II
 * 46) * " Around 22 BBY, the droid attracted the attention of Jedi General Aayla Secura, who wanted to obtain the informations held in the memory banks of the tactical droid's cranial unit." "informations" is not a word. Also, clarify the "who wanted to", Quite confusing. I'm not sure if you're mentioning the droid or Aayla.
 * 47) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * " All of his forces were soon destroyed by clone troopers while he tried to plan his next move in the bunker" Quite confusing. This sentence needs rewording. Two things are occurring, however, it doesn't flow well.
 * 49) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * I'm seeing a lot of short, choppy sentences in the first paragraph of the bio.
 * 51) **Good now?--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Secura planned an ambush, which purpose was to acquire the head of the droid. With her clone troopers, she set a trap by fabricating an information bunker on a rocky canyon of an planet." You can merge these together to make them flow better. Otherwise, a little too pbp.
 * 53) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "Soon the tactical droid learned about the bunker." Merge this with the next sentence. Too choppy.
 * 55) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * "This was interrupted by Aayla Secura, who confronted and quickly decapitated the surprised tactical droid with her lightsaber, before the droid could trigger a cyberostasis in order to protect the informations in his memory banks." Mention what was interrupted. Reword this sentence as well. Possibly move "Before the droid triggered a cyberotatsis in order to protect the informations in his memory banks," before Aayla attacked. Also, "informations" is not a word.
 * 57) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * " The unscathed head was then taken by Secura, who reunited with his clone troopers and prepared to transfer the head to a cruiser in order to analyze it with a robolobotomy and learn what informations it might hold." Using taken doesn't make sense here. What Telekinesis power did she use?
 * 59) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "He became both confused and suprised when he realized that the data banks of the information bunker were empty, as well as when Aayla Secura attacked him, a circumstances he weren't able to compute." Too much is occurring which makes this run-on sentence confusing. Reword.
 * 61) **Good now?--Kreivi Wolter 18:19, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * "He believed himself to be too valuable for the Confederacy of Independent Systems to be destroyed, and ordered his droid forces to protect him and give him room to flee in battle." For the "to be destroyed," this doesn't flow right where its placed. The part, "for the Confederacy of Independent Systems", makes this sentence rather confusing.
 * 63) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) *Please watch your spelling. I'll give it another review.  JangFett  Talk 18:08, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) Mauser:
 * 66) * "This tactical droid was a commander..." - commanding some other droids doesn't give him the military rank of commander. Same for the bio.
 * 67) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 18:19, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Unidentified planet (tactical droid) should probably be mentioned in the intro.
 * 69) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * Do not link to redirects. Masculine programming was one example, not sure if there are others left.
 * 71) **Roger roger. Thx.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "he mounted his Single Trooper Aerial Platform and led his droid forces to the bunker." - That was really choppy. I removed mention of the STAP, hope you don't mind.
 * 73) **Roger roger. Thx.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * "This greatly confused the tactical droid, and before he could recover, the Republic" - the comic doesn't state that he didn't recover from the revelation.
 * 75) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * "The droid tried to plan his next move..." - did he? He just said that he's too valuable to be scrapped.
 * 77) **Guess you're right.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) *Also made minor fixes along the way.  Mauser  Comlink 20:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Mauser redux:
 * 81) * Too many use of the word "bunker", often twice in same sentence. Try some variety.  Mauser  Comlink 23:00, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) **Good now?--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) Attack of the Clone
 * 84) *"He often insulted his underling droid forces, ordering them to march more swiftly and, later, to protect himself." And why did he do this? Out of pleasure of insulting them?
 * 85) *"When surprised, he panicked, and wasn't able to respond to the situation rationally." If you're going to say this, you're going to have to spend a while convincing me what is "rational" and what is not. Please just reword this POV-oriented sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 19:45, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Leafar

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 12:58, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Thanks for for help with the research

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:06, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:43, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 19:53, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Given the significant Imperial presence, the Rebels brought in reinforcements, with two RZ-1 A-wing starfighters from Gold Squadron arriving several minutes into the engagement and the MC80 Star Cruiser Maria and the EF76 Nebulon-B escort frigate Whitehawk arriving thirteen minutes after that and launching additional starfighters. Three ands is too much. Break the sentence up. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:34, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Modified. --Eyrezer 02:32, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Can we get an infobox? ~ SavageBob 22:40, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately, the only field that would have an entry is the name. I don't know that there is any hard and fast rule about it, but I think infoboxes are generally frowned upon if only very few fields are active. --Eyrezer 23:10, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * OK. I'll try to check out the rest of the article soon. ~ SavageBob 23:37, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Sorry, next question: How do we know these guys are a species and not an organization (like Black Sun) or a planet's people (like Corellians or Alderaanians)? ~ SavageBob 23:51, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Alas, it appears these guys suffer from a condition known as Karakanitis. I see from your work it is also prevalent among the letter V. While it is pretty implicit they are a species, I've downgraded them to something more generic in the mean time. --Eyrezer 06:55, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

12,000 BBY

 * Nominated by: &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:11, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Continuation of the FiolliProject. Enjoy this little nugget.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:37, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Excellent work but do have a look at my comment below. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  17:54, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:13, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 20:03, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * In contrary to the Battle of Yavin article, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Praji is listed in the "sources" section, while the latter is linked in the "appearances" section within 12,000 BBY.
 * 3) **Whoops. *facepalms* Sorry about that. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:22, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Other than that, great work man :)  JangFett  Talk 16:44, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks, Jang. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:22, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * The last point in the Notable Events section is unsourced. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:46, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Sorry about that. It is fanon. I removed it from the other parts and forgot about that one. It is gone now. Thanks. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:24, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just so everyone knows, this article has been updated with information from The Essential Atlas. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:56, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I changed all instances of "installment" to "installation". An installment is a part in a series (eg. comics). Keep this in mind if such stuff crops up in other year articles you do. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  17:54, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Actually, according to wiktionary, "installment" was fine. I've never heard it used like that (UK/US probably). My apologies, undo my changes if you want. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  17:56, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified Twi'lek Sith

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:12, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I was trying to get this up to 1000 words, but I'd like to have this as perfect as possible.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 22:00, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:59, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) CC-Lee attacks
 * 2) * Source the last sentence in the BtS.
 * 3) **It's self-sourcing as it says that was all in Episode IV. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:21, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Otherwise nice article, I'm sure other will find that what I have missed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:10, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) The One Sith followed the Rule of One, a system which allows several Dark Lords of the Sith at a time but only one supreme leader, Krayt." I would remove this One Sith information in the P&T, it is unnecessary and redundant.  JangFett  Talk 16:13, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:21, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Chack Attack:
 * 8) * I haven't read past the intro so far, but there's a reason for that. You've got too much unnecessary context in the intro. Furthermore, you stray too far away from this Sith in the intro. I realize that you need to establish the setting, but you have way too unrelated information in the body. This Sith does something in only one sentence of your intro. Quite frankly, there's a lot of fluff. If you're trying to get this up to 1000 words, then please stop. You're not going to be able to get 1000 words without adding a boatload of unnecessary fluff. Chack Jadson 12:16, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **I was trying to for my follow-up project. After I abandoned the notion I should have trimmed it down before I put it up here. I've trimmed the extra parts from the intro and fixed things around the body. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *Is the "initially peaceful" bit necessary in the intro? It just makes thing a bit complicated, IMO.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:24, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Not really neccisary. Removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:13, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Attack of the Clone
 * 13) *"They also killed a large number of Yuuzhan Vong shapers, there to complete the Ossus Project, an experimental Vong terraforming project." Please reword this; it's extremely choppy.
 * 14) *"After Sazen was wounded and taken aboard, Kol made a last stand to buy time for them to take off, killing several Sith as well as many stormtroopers, including this one." Please reword; it sounds like the Sith is a stormtrooper.  CC7567  (talk) 21:36, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

The Clone Wars: Bait

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:31, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One more for the OOU party

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) After numerous fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 12:54, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * First of all, split that giant paragraph up into two paragraphs.
 * 3) **Splitted
 * 4) * "Skywalker's Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano reports that they're approaching the ice field on schedule." Are you sure that she said "ice field"? Because, per the article, that field is on a planet and Skywalker, Kenobi, and Tano are in space. Clarify
 * 5) **Adressed.
 * 6) ***You must have misunderstood me. Could you double check the comic once more. The way you just added "in space" doesn't look right.
 * 7) ****Checked. She says the ice field. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****However, the way you add it in the text: "the ice field in space," it make sense here. So their is an ice field in space? Clarify.
 * 9) ******(hopefully) clarified. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Tano reveals that she thinks that it is a dumb plan and the Separatists will never fall for it." What is the plan?
 * 11) **Expanded.
 * 12) * You mention that Skywalker dumps the fighter out into space but later on, Skywalker appears that he was in the fighter but you didn't mention it. Also, you mention that he brought along a "fraud" lightsaber, mention this early as well.
 * 13) **Added.
 * 14) ***Now you changed it. You say now Kenobi releases the fighter into space, however, you mentioned that Skywalker released it. Double check, don't just assume/speculate Lee.
 * 15) ****It's not stated who released the fighter. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *****No need to speculate then Lee. You can change the wording to "After the fighter was released in space...," though, Now you say the Twilight released it. I would recommend not mentioning whom released the fighter, since it isn't mentioned in the comic.
 * 17) ******Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * I'm seeing a repetition of "Skywalker," later on in the plot. i.e after, "In a hangar, battle droids orders the Jedi to come out of the fighter, because they are aware of his presence inside the fighter, due to the life-form scanning." Vary "Skywalker," you can use his respected Jedi title.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * JangFett  Talk 15:46, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:26, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Changing
 * 23) * Per The Clone Wars: Headgames, it is now recommended that OOU comics shouldn't switch the tense of the sentence in the intro. Feel free to see what QuiGon had done, as it looks much better than the past approved TCW OOU comic GAs.
 * 24) **Not seeing a change.
 * 25) ***Whiy change ? It looks exactly like Headgames.
 * 26) ****Lee, no it does not. Look at the first sentence from the intro in Headgames and compare it to Bait.
 * 27) *****Sorry, I've got my dies ater today. Fixed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:46, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Per Headgames, it is now recommended that you should have the BtS of an OOU comic as this,
 * 29) **a) What it is, what it ties into, and who made it.
 * 30) ***Fixed.
 * 31) **b) What happens in it.
 * 32) ***Fixed.
 * 33) **c) Miscellanea like the Easter egg.
 * 34) ***No miscellanea.
 * 35) * Instead of dividing the BtS, as well as, adding an "Developing section," Graestan also mentioned that the BtS should have two total paragraphs, one for the OOU information and one pertaining to the actual content of the subject (including the Easter egg).
 * 36) * JangFett  Talk 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Fixed. Thanks for the info. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) Mauser:
 * 39) * Watch the referencing. You have a link called "The Clone Wars online comic page 86" that actually leads to page 69; the link called "The Clone Wars archives-eleventh page" which leads to seventh page of the archives.
 * 40) **How can that be corrected ?
 * 41) ***To correct that, don't just copy-paste from other articles, do a little wiki-formatting yourself.
 * 42) ****Think, It's done. (I hope so)
 * 43) *****I see that you didn't even touch it.
 * 44) ******Need some help with this
 * 45) *******Took some time but corrected. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:28, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "illustrated and lettered by Grant Gould, with art drawn also by Gould." - Uh? Why repeat the same statement twice?
 * 47) **Where is this ?
 * 48) ***I removed that mysekf during the copy-edit =)
 * 49) * Context for Twilight.
 * 50) **Added.
 * 51) ***Old? Spice freighter? You have sources for that? "Skywalker's personal freighter" should do.
 * 52) ****Fixed.
 * 53) * "due to the fact he wants to infiltrate the frigate of Confederate Head of State Count Dooku." - erm, Skywalker doesn't say that.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) ***He didn't say anything about his intentions directly.
 * 56) ****Fixed.
 * 57) * "Tano tells Skywalker that his plan of sneaking on the Separatist ship is a dumb." - rewrite it to look less POV. "She expresses her opinion about the plan" or something like that.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) * "However, Skywalker calms her down" - she wasn't angry pr something, why "calm down". Also, why "however"?
 * 60) **Adressed.
 * 61) * "The fighter is then realeased in space, with Skywalker onboard." - you don't mention the broken hyperdrive ring? You don't mention that the fighter appears to be damaged?
 * 62) **That was my fault, I fixed it.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "Prior to boarding the fighter, Skywalker left his lightsaber on the Twilight and took a fraud lightsaber with him." - If it's prior, that it must be told prior, not after.
 * 64) **Same comment as above.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Is there a particular reason why you're using dialogue instead of quote? The second one would look better IMO.
 * 66) **I personally thinks it looks better.
 * 67) * "tells the droids that he is just waiting on an invitation." - now, that part is too trivial.
 * 68) **A part to what ?
 * 69) ***You don't need to retell every single peace of dialogue.
 * 70) ****Fixed.
 * 71) * "while he dons a spacesuit to rescue Skywalker" - that alone would suffice for a rescue? Also, resquing wasn't their intent all along, they were going after Dooku.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) ***Nothing changed in that part.
 * 74) ****It is never stated in the comic that they were after Dooku. Also what do you mean with the first ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:51, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ****I mean that putting a spacesuit on alone will not rescue Skywalker. Also, if something is not in the comic, while it is in the summary?
 * 76) *****Fixed.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:32, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ******Oh, come on! "He dons the spacesuit and goes into space" - that's really choppy. Lee, no offense. but you need to work on your english.
 * 78) *******Better ?
 * 79) ********Except for he doesn't leave Twilight in the comic.
 * 80) *********Hope it's now fine. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:38, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) **********Come on, Lee, check the comic again. He does not leave anywhere in it!
 * 82) ***********Right
 * 83) * "At the end of the comic, Obi-Wan Kenobi came to rescue him" - Oh, he hadn't came yet.
 * 84) **Where is this ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:40, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Viidaav (species)

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 18:40, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: V was for Vuvrian, but is now for Viidaav. I'll kill the final redlink very soon. ~ SavageBob 18:40, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 02:44, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 14:05, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Mauser  Comlink 23:05, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Tucker

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:02, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An occasionally clone, ca. 450 words. Sorry CC

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kreivi Wolter 18:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *Intro is still too similiar to Axe. Mind rewriting some of it?
 * 3) **Better ?
 * 4) *The first three paragraphs of his bio are very similiar, or better yet, exactly the same as Axe. Please rewrite them.
 * 5) **Better ?
 * 6) *"Soon, Tucker was under attack under a bunch Vulture droids and he was shot down, perishing over Ryloth." "a bunch" is too colloquial. Rephrase.
 * 7) **Changed, to a group.
 * 8) *Lee, I'm still seeing an resemblance to Axe. You can rewrite Tucker's bio in your own words instead of copying from the Axe article. I know Tucker had a small role, and his role was similiar to that of Axe's, however, copying an article is unprofessional and frowned upon. If you need help, don't hesitate to ask. Once you're done with rewriting sections within Tucker's bio, I'll give it a copyedit and list objections if needed.  JangFett  Talk 05:11, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **It is now better ? If not contact me. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:49, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Minor expanding
 * 11) * At least one quote?
 * 12) **Don't have them in English.
 * 13) ***Are you sure? I haven't saw the episode for a while, but I do remember that all clones of Blue Squadron reported to Ahsoka before they launched their attack.--Kreivi Wolter 17:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Well, the problem is that i have the quotes only in German and not in English. So i need them in English, because a translation would not be correct.
 * 15) *****I see. Hopefully someone will add them in future.--Kreivi Wolter 18:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *" However he was overwhelmed by the mass of Vulture droids during the battle of Ryloth and killed." This just repeat the info given in biography. It should be rewrite to something like "However, he wasn't able to..." or so on. --Kreivi Wolter 05:40, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Fixed.
 * 18) * Techno Union Foreman Emir??? --Kreivi Wolter 17:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Removed emir. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:19, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:22, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Lee, before I begin, I would like to know why you copied nearly the entire Axe article. I'm seeing you replaced "Axe" with "Tucker" for the most part.  JangFett  Talk 23:03, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *First, I didn't copied the article. I took it as a assist. Second. If you want I rewrite it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:52, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Well Lee, I would like you to partially rewrite some of the battle because it is based on Axe helping Ahsoka, that's how I wrote the Axe article. Replacing "Axe" with "Tucker" isn't going to help anything. While I see a sentence or two changed to fit in with what Tucker did in the episode, I still see a huge resemblance to Axe.  JangFett  Talk 15:04, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ***Regardless of whether you used Axe for "assistance", Lee, copying others' work is both unprofessional and unoriginal and does not have a place on this wiki. Please rewrite the article.  CC7567  (talk) 08:13, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ****I rewrote it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:29, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

Skirmish on Rodia

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 08:09, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: That took way more time than it should have.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) After a bunch of small fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 12:19, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) And some more.  Graestan ( Talk ) 06:11, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:46, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:09, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

The Clone Wars: The Fall of Falleen

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 19:53, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another webcomic. I really hope you aren't tired of them yet.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Possibly add a quote for the summary, but other than that, Great work :)  JangFett  Talk 20:27, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Facepalm. Forgot the quote. Fixed now, thanks for the review, Jang.  Mauser  Comlink 20:35, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I don't mean to pick on this particular article, because it's the same in all the recent flurry of webcomic GANs, but the coverage of this is really minimalist. I know this is GA and it's only a short webcomic, but it pales in comparison to some of our other OOU works articles, and I think it could be more in depth and fleshed out, better researched, blah blah blah. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:58, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Well, it's a really short webcomic with little to no background or production info available. Actually I did some research - checked both TFN and Dark Horse forum threads for the webcomics, where VIPs are known to post. And in case of some other comics it did reveal some new info (see issues 1, 3 and 5). But in this case - nothing more can be said. If you show me some new sources and/or links, I'd be happy to research them.  Mauser  Comlink 00:45, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Tol Skaros

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 20:15, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Whiphid dark Jedi

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments
 * No P&A, as there is no information in the source about what his powers were --Jinzler 20:15, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Added .  Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  20:39, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I skillfully forgot about that --Jinzler 20:45, 23 August 2009 (UTC)

Hok Daragon

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:15, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Mustache-tastic.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Tom Skerritt.  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:27, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:47, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Is there any reason why you don't list his eye color in the infobox? Judging by the image I'd say they're brown. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:14, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kulless

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 06:42, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:05, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) *Just one thing: As with Mordageen, can you hedge the "Biology and appearance" section a bit to indicate that this description comes from a single member of the species, who may or may not be exemplary? ~ SavageBob 19:07, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not really an objection, but can the image be cropped to remove the name? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:05, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. --Eyrezer 22:30, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Trailian

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 12:36, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Some Cronal/Blackhole/Shadowspawn goodness

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:02, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) All of my minor objections were quickly handled on IRC. jSarek 09:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:20, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ~ SavageBob 19:12, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

This should be the last one from the Star Wars Gamemaster Screen. There are no available quotes for the intro, and there are described in the text as beautiful, hence why it is there in the article. --Eyrezer 12:36, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Rhondi Tremaine

 * Nominated by:--Darth Niffoc 21:47, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Some new Abyss stuff

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments
 * This had some junk in it. But I cleaned it out, so if it wasn't actually ready before, it is now.--Darth Niffoc 20:21, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Timar Daragon

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:48, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Paraphrase more. This cannot read exactly like Hok Daragon. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Axela Zin

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 02:54, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Let the Abyss storm begin!

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) At least she's not a Hidden One. :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:19, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Seriously, dude, I had no idea Wookieepedia operated GA sweatshops.  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:04, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *gasp* ! You got beaten to the first Abyss nom!  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 03:31, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Sorry for the late vote, Jonny :)  JangFett  Talk 19:11, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) All clear.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:27, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Kirrek (Unification Wars)

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:47, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ.

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:49, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) *"to unify the seven worlds of the Koros system" occurs in two sentences consecutively. Please vary it up.
 * 3) *Is the quote in the aftermath section meant to be "your battle meditation"? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:41, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Wruq Retk

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:56, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More Abyss/WP:LE

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks clean. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:16, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Darth Voren

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 13:27, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A KOTOR-era Sith

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments
 * There are no quotes in the source, unfortunately

Arabelle Lorteli

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:17, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor Abyss character

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Allright.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:23, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Porporite

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 08:15, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Some Dan Wallace goodness

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) What I could find...
 * 2) *Intro
 * 3) **"It whipped them into a homicidal frenzy" This seems a bit... POVish, or prosey.  Not sure which.
 * 4) **"They withstood everything" This too. While I'm not denying that the sources said that, it just seems a bit... prosey.  Or something.  It seems more like what I'd see on an SWF GAN than on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) *That's all I could find, aside from minor things which I tackled while I was there.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 06:37, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Green Leader (clone trooper)

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 18:09, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yet, another clone article. :)

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:47, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:55, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:24, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee takes over
 * 2) * participated in a Separatist attack sounds a liitle bit like that he was a Separatist. Reword to make it clearer
 * 3) * Add the 41st Elite Legion and Green Company to Affiliation in the infobox.
 * 4) **All addressed. Thanks, Lee.
 * 5) ***Anytime, Jang.
 * 6) *Otherwise a nice little clone. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:07, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Just one: Is there any way you could add some more info to the P&t? Perhaps from his dialogue you could acsertain that he was concerned for the Jedi, or his fellow clones, or maybe he was worried about their mission's success, etc.? Also, watch for factual accuracy: you said that Gunray was put on the Tranquility "for confinement by Jedi Master Luminara Unduli and Padawan Ahsoka Tano". However, he was to be transported to Coruscant to be put on trial for war crimes, not just confined in the Tranquility. I fixed this myself, but be careful of this in the future.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:56, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *I fixed the P&T and I should have spotted that error with Gunray. Thanks, Jonny. :)
 * 9) **No problem. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:24, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Mauser:
 * 11) *The Episode irself is not the source for him being the member of the 41st Elite.
 * 12) **Addressed
 * 13) *Do not link to redirect. Hangar bay was one example, not sure if there are others.
 * 14) **This actually falls under However, I should have taken care of that. No they're no other redirects. "Bridge" was one, but I corrected it myself before nomination.
 * 15) *Infobox says he was born on Kamino, should be in the body as well.
 * 16) **As per other clone articles that I have done, mentioning Kamino is redundant in the body and intro.
 * 17) *"sent Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress to rescue the viceroy"... or silence him ;) Mayble you could reflect that somehow?
 * 18) **Would be irrelevant to mention more of Gunray.
 * 19) *"On the bridge of the Tranquility, the captain of the cruiser alerted everyone nearby that Droch-class boarding ships were approaching." - that part begins to abruptly. Maybe you should say that the plan was for the assassin to infiltrate the cruiser and the boarding ships served as a distraction. Also, you should say something like: "As the boarding ships approached the Tranquility, the captain spotted them and alerted blah-blah-blah".
 * 20) **Well their is no evidence that the boarding ships were used as an distraction. They were used as transports to breach through the Star Destroyer, which is explained. For the second part, I don't see how it begins abruptly. In the episode, that scene was brief, as it showed the approaching podhunters after the captain said "They've brought boarding ships."
 * 21) *You say that he was the leader of the Green company, but then say that "Green Leader and his squad"... Clarify that. Hint: per the Guide to the Grand Army of the Republic company is 144 troopers led by a captain, while squad is 9 troopers led a sergeant.
 * 22) **Opps. Addressed.
 * 23) *I think that is it for now.  Mauser  Comlink 19:36, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Jaru

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 21:37, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of my Dark Forces project.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) No problem.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:38, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 20:01, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Jilruan

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 01:06, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: When The Atlas and Starcrash combine

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) What I could find...
 * 2) *Biology and appearance
 * 3) **"A towering and war-like species, the Jilruans had two upper limbs that ended in five-fingered hands." This sentence is worded a bit strangely, almost implying that the Jilruans had more than two arms.
 * 4) ***I've worded it this way because we have no idea how many or if they have legs. Their lower bodies are covered by robes. --Eyrezer 12:20, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *That was pretty much it. Anything else was minor copyedit stuff that I tackled.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 06:30, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ridge

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:36, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More clones, a minor background character from the Clone Wars film

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 18:15, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

R-20 scatterblaster

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:11, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Kinda cool blaster; more Abyss

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 21:32, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments