Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Dooku (second nomination)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Dooku

 * Nominated by: Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Major issues listed here have been addressed.

(6 Inqs/1 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Could still transition better, but nicely done. I'm confident that other reviews will improve this prose further.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Few minor points talked about in IRC. Thefourdotelipsis 04:04, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, everyone can stop editing it now. I've just checked ~530 links for disambigs and redirects and cleaned up a few dozen redundant ref tags and don't want to have to do it again! 8^Þ -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:48, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I've been reading this as you've been fixing objections, Yrf. Nice job, and good perseverance.  Greyman  @wikiajanitor ( Talk ) 13:34, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I'm very pleased with the revisions and additions. I look forward to a completely fresh article out of  you sometime; the sections I know to be originally written by you are quite impressive. Great work.  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:40, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I have to say, the state that Dooku was in before was a disaster, but it has really improved. Good job to those involved in the restoration.--Lord Cutler BeckettPort Royal 16:52, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:59, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *You've done a nice job, Yrfeloran, making some major additions to this article. Unfortunately, it's still quite a ways away from being up to FA standards. Without even reading through, I pick up on the following problems:
 * 3) * The infobox must be completely sourced, as does the succession box at the bottom of the page.
 * 4) **Done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Complete sourcing includes sourcing the "Era(s)" field. I've done this for you, but please source this next time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:44, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Any quotes within the article must go at the beginning of sections, after the subhead, not in the middle of paragraphs.
 * 7) **Most of those were residual old paragraphs - done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * The entire article is little more than 1-2 sentence paragraphs summarizing events. While I'm certainly not a huge prequel trilogy fan, having never read the majority of these sources, this tells me that you've done just that, quickly generalizing important topics while skipping out on juicy details. Featured Articles must be comprehensive, not only including material from all relevant sources, but also detailing that information to a great degree. An article like Dooku, for as much information is out there on him, should have dozens of paragraphs several sentences in length. It's just too thin right now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:50, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ** There was a formatting issue with some prior authors' styles, which I've now fixed. It now "looks better". As for actual content, there have been significant expansions and section mergings. Dooku's article over the period of the movies was probably more in-depth than recently re-FAd Grievous, for instance, even before I revamped it. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Please link this "duel" to an article. I suspect we have one. If not, please create one: "In a duel aboard the Separatist..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:04, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Um, it's merged into Battle of Coruscant (Clone Wars). Which is already linked. Yrfeloran 00:28, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***That's fine. Even better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:51, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) Last Hurrah:
 * 14) * Little context for what this contest was, please: "and he won the Twelve-and-Under Tournament at only nine years of age."
 * 15) **Added little context Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * You say the ship was attacked, but now its being sabotaged? These aren't the same thing. Clarification, please: "Suspecting Nod had also been behind the sabotage of the senator's vessel"
 * 17) **Both - explained a little better Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * A bit of context is needed here to explain why this is significant. Who is Asli Krimsan that makes her holocron notable? "and Asli Krimsan's holocron"
 * 19) **Did some adjustment. Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Please link armor to the appropriate Mandalorian armor page: "The governor took Fett's armor"
 * 21) **That's just the generic article, done Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * This is very disjointed, and not a good place to put this description. Not good to just drop this mention of his leaving the Order before it even happens: "and he sought the true story behind the Galidraan debacle after he left the Jedi Order."
 * 23) **tweaked Yrfeloran 16:21, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * You could probably add something explaining that Dooku's actions on Sevarcos led Palpatine to find interest in him, as the Sevarcos article tells me
 * 25) ** If the Sevarcos article says that, it's full of crap. You can't make that conclusion because he's in the Palpatine persona and speaking in public.Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Again, don't just drop these description of him leaving the Order. Keep information chronologically placed: "Before he left the Order, however, he flirted with the belief"
 * 27) **tweaked Yrfeloran 20:24, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * I'd rather you briefly reexplain what happened "afterwards" for the reader's benefit. I've already forgotten: "knew what had happened afterwards"
 * 29) **Rephrased - but it's Jango's life story and would be a kinda long and pointless diversion Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***I've added a bit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:22, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Please reword this sentence. The "recruiting Grievous" jib is used almost verbatim in the previous sentence and becomes a bit tiresome to read again
 * 32) **Reworded Yrfeloran 20:24, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * Was the experiment on Grievous Palpatine's idea? Please clarify
 * 34) **Unclear Yrfeloran 20:24, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Deadly killer" is redundant. Please condense: "turning the cyborg into a deadly killer"
 * 36) **Rephrased Yrfeloran 20:24, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * This doesn't tell me who is who, exactly. Please clarify somehow: "aiming to split the nomadic tribes of the planet from the city dwellers"
 * 38) **Clarified somehow Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * I linked this to "speeder," but if we have a more specific article for Dooku's speeder, please link to that: "Dooku himself fled to his secret hangar on a speeder"
 * 40) **Took a little while, but I found it Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) ***Appreciate the effort. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:32, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * It would probably be best to greater specify that he severed his arm at the bicep, not just his hand: "Dooku found an opening in Skywalker's defense and sliced off his hand."
 * 43) ** I had arm; some Inq changed it to hand. How's forearm strike you? Yrfeloran 16:21, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * You call it a singular machine previously, but now there are plural machines? Please clarify: "The machines were captured"
 * 45) **Fixed Yrfeloran 16:21, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Right around here I would like to see greater explanation that she came to him looking to be his new apprentice: "who had just silently assassinated his guide, challenging her to unleash her fighting skills on the other gladiators."
 * 47) **Did some major rephrasing Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * "Whole planets" doesn't necessarily sound very significant as "whole star systems" as this article claims many times that Dooku was able to persuade to his cause. Can this appropriate be reworded to read as such? "whole planets pledged themselves to the Separatist cause on the former Jedi's words alone."
 * 49) **Sure Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * You refer to the planet previously as "Dac." Please choose one and stick with it for consistency: "pushed the Quarren Isolation League to war on Mon Calamari."
 * 51) **This one is totally Goodwood's fault. Fixed Yrfeloran 16:21, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Did he remove the creator, or did he kill him? If he killed him, avoid the unnecessary euphemism and just say so: "Dooku had its creator removed."
 * 53) **removed Yrfeloran 20:24, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * In the "Jedi treason" section, you've got 5 paragraphs in a row beginning "Dooku, Vos, Dooku, Dooku, Dooku." Please reword some of these to avoid the repetition
 * 55) ** Done Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * You just began the previous subsection with virtually this exact wording. Please reword to avoid repetition: "During the Clone Wars, Dooku posted a bounty"
 * 57) ** Done Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) *** I think I may have directed you to the wrong sentence here. I believe I meant these two, specifically. Please reword one: "Some time during the early part of the Clone Wars" and "During the first few months of the Clone Wars"
 * 59) ****OK Yrfeloran 05:10, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * Can we link this to anything specifically, or otherwise create a specific red link? "a small shell"
 * 61) **It's explicitly generic. Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Likewise, can we link Dooku's shuttle to anything specific? "Entering his shuttle with Grievous"
 * 63) **Done Yrfeloran 16:21, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * I feel like we're missing some information in here, the scene from the Clone Wars cartoon shown in the picture of Dooku and Grievous dueling
 * 65) **The sparring session was mentioned, but I think some other Inq untangled the prose but confused the plot in the process. I've edited. Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * Please think of a more creative section title than "Endgame"
 * 67) **Merged section Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * Forgive me if I missed it, but unless there is something in this article mentioning a previous attempt to turn Kenobi to the dark side, this needs a little context explaining the history of this: "Dooku requested that Kenobi be given one more chance to turn to the dark side"
 * 69) **AOTC Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * Ok, I've noticed this over the course of the article. You randomly alternate between using the s' and s's apostrophe forms. I don't care which you use, but choose one and stick with it for consistency. Please remedy all alternating instances.
 * 71) **It's not random. It's standard English, and consistent with Wikipedia's manual of style via our manual of style. "the Mandalorians' whatever" in the same article as "Vos's whatever" may annoy you, but plurals are treated differently than singular nouns. Yrfeloran 17:37, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) ***I think he may be referring to singular forms, and a variance in how they are treated. At any rate, the apostrophe followed by the second "s" is what we go with on the site, per Forum:CT Archive/Punctuation and subsequent precedent in enforcing the result. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:54, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) ****There are a total of two instances in the entire article: "Mandalorians'" and "Geonosians'". Both are correct in context. Yrfeloran 05:10, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) *****I was indeed referring to singular possessive, like Sidious' vs Sidious's. At any rate, you're clean. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:59, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) * Likewise, you alternate between capitalizing and not capitalizing "Master" throughout. Please choose one and fix all instances.
 * 76) **Capitalized everywhere it was appropriate Yrfeloran 17:37, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) * Also, you link to individuals in your quote attribution lines, and that's fine, but make sure you don't link to someone in a quote far down in the article, and not link to him in the first quote he appears in. Link on first quote, and no more
 * 78) **Fixed Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) * After some condensing, the three images in the "Equipment" section are now squished together and don't look good. Please reposition appropriately
 * 80) **I've re-expanded that section Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) ***Things are still squished together. Specifically, the quote of the "Starships" section gets cut off by the image. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:22, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) ****Eh....aesthetically I personally don't mind what it was like before, but compressed/expanded a little more. There's an important reason for that picture to be there : it's useful to have a link to the ship in the section about it, but it's linked earlier so this is a workaround. Yrfeloran 05:10, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) * Please link this "Gameboy" to a specific game system article: "A major continuity difficulty was caused by the events of the Gameboy game"
 * 84) ** Done Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) * Please use our nifty Insider template thing for your "The Unseen Planets of Episode II" source and any other Insider sources
 * 86) **Done Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) * Please order your Databank appearances in alphabetical order by character last names, not first, in accordance with our other FAs
 * 88) **Done Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) * In accordance with our apparently soon-to-be-passed CT, please kill the redlink in your References. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) ** Done Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) LtNOWIS
 * 92) * Image:Quarren league.jpg, Image:DookuVSGrievous.jpg, and Image:DookuBTS.jpg need more specific sources. The Clone Wars shots need to specify which episodes, and the databank shot needs a link to the page it's from. -LtNOWIS 10:19, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) **Muuuuuurgh helped with this. Thanks, Muuuuuurgh! Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 95) * Needs a longer and more comprehensive intro.
 * 96) ** Intro has been expanded somewhat. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 97) * I won't get specific, but it's way too light on detail. Most of the article is just short paragraph, then a new section.
 * 98) *This can be brought to FA, but it will take a lot of time and commitment. If you can do it, I commend you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:30, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) More stuff from me:
 * 100) * Both Sith Apprentice and Leaving the Order have paragrpahs that are no more than one or two sentences. Combine sentences in those sections or expand them.
 * 101) **Combination and expansion done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * Combine the sections Jedi confrontation and successful escape.
 * 103) **Done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) * You link way too much. Link onc ein the intro and then once in the body.
 * 105) **This was kind of inevitable, since the original article was overlinked and additions were made piecemeal. I think I've pruned about all of them Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) * De-link the quote in Endgame.
 * 107) **Done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 108) * Remove the sentence about Quinlan Vos in the Legacy section.
 * 109) **done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) *I am very impressed with what you've done so far. Keep up the good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:48, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) From the legal pad scrawling of Atarumaster88
 * 112) * Lot of short paragraphs need fleshed out or combined with others.
 * 113) **I've done a fair bit of this. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 114) * I'd say remove some of the shorter sections by combining them with others also.
 * 115) ** And a lot of section combining Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 116) * Compare your appearances/sources list to the reference list. A quick check reveals no information from the following:
 * 117) ** Star Wars: Battlefront
 * 118) ** Some of those HoloNet news.
 * 119) ** Boba Fett: Crossfire
 * 120) ** Republic 49.
 * 121) ** Legacy of the Jedi
 * 122) ** And I'm sure there are more.
 * 123) ***Most of those were actually there - Legacy was ref'd 8 times, Crossfire and 49 were there but cited as Fight to Survive and 50. I did some expansion on the HNN stuff and added Battlefront. Yrfeloran 03:00, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) * Needs a non-canon appearance section. (Ugh)
 * 125) **I'm probably going to need help with this one. I've got the bare bones of one up. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) ***I see most of them done. Is there additional information in the LEGO video games that's not there yet? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 127) ****I've asked - apparently not Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) * Properly reference all Clone Wars cartoon series references by chapter.
 * 129) **Done for all IU refs Yrfeloran 03:35, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) *It's a lot better than it was, but still will need work, as others have already said. Feel free to drop by WP:NEGTC for additional help, though, or my talk page. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:27, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 131) From the full-fledged desk of Atarumaster88
 * 132) * Dooku's role in Jedi:Shaak Ti could use mention.
 * 133) **OK, it's got a mention Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) * Same thing with Republic 54.
 * 135) **Somebody who's read this in the past year definitely needs to double-check, but added. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) * I'm not seeing any information from the Shadowfeed.
 * 137) **Added Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) ***<There are three or four Shadowfeed appearances in the appearance list, but only 1 reference that I saw. Did you get them all?
 * 139) ****There's one trivial one, and the fragment of a Fete day address that doesn't have much content besides "we're awesome, Republic sucks" Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 140) * Mention Dooku's role in the Battle of Jabiim.
 * 141) **mentioned Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 142) * Check also Republic 59, 60, and 61. I forget whether those have key mentions.
 * 143) ** They don't, but I added 64 Yrfeloran 00:58, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 144) * Yoda's lesson to Dooku in EGTTF might be good P&T material.
 * 145) ** I was thinking about doing that, but it's hard to wedge it in. He's like 7, too. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 146) ***Added an oblique mention in Childhood Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 147) * Your EGTTF refs, at least, are all off and are seemingly removing content from the article.There's a sentence or two missing from his tutelage under Cerulian. When you reference, your first reference to a source should like like, but your subsequent references should only include to avoid errors. And also, the field of , the blah part is just a placeholder and so you can abbreviate to shorten the code, just keep it understandable.
 * 148) **The Thame stuff was due to a different malformed reference that I fixed. I'll trim some of these as I come across them, but with the amount of paragraph merging/etc. going around it is really useful as an editor in this particular situation to have more than one ref linked. Also "blah" should be full source name per Layout Guide, which I agree with. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 149) ***Heh, I stand corrected. Though the use of abbreviated referencing is sorta common. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 150) ****Yeah, there's some legacy ones on the Dooku page, but on an article this size when you're editing a section at a time it's a -massive- pain to look up what the page's nickname of the source you want is. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 151) * All your references have the same error, it appears.
 * 152) * " Though Dooku's behavior and beliefs as a Jedi had previously been within the scope of Jedi orthodoxy,[1] there is evidence that in the period before he left the Order he flirted with the belief that the dark side of the Force could be called upon without personal corruption.[17]." This sentence is OOU and should be rewritten to conform with the MoS. At the very least, the tense is wrong.
 * 153) **Fixed I guess. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 154) * Lot of short sentences in the last paragraph of "Leaving the Order".
 * 155) **Made some a little longer? Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 156) * Need context on Palpatine. His double identity as Darth Sidious is not discussed, and the casual reader may not be awareof that.
 * 157) **Added this. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 158) * OOU/tense issues with this: "It is suspected that Dooku himself did this, but it is unclear how he accomplished it." also. Recall that EGTTF is an IU publication, if that helps.
 * 159) ** Fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 160) * Jumps back and forth about his Sith status. He's supposed to be a Sith Lord in "Sith apprentice" but his Sith training is still ongoing during the Bando Gora episode. Clarify please.
 * 161) ** Noncontradictory. One becomes an apprentice first, then learns Sith stuff. See Vader. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 162) ***You have him listed as a "fully-fledged Sith Lord", not as a Sith apprentice, and then went on to later discuss his training.
 * 163) **** OK, removed the adjective Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 164) * 2nd paragraph of "Moving the pieces" could use a more varied sentence syntax.
 * 165) **fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 166) * "To the surprise of both parties, Dooku himself was present". Present where? Needs more context.
 * 167) ** Added context Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 168) * More context needed on initial mention of Vos and Secura.
 * 169) ** Added a little bit here. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 170) * More context needed on Ansion's alliances and Dooku's manipulations there.
 * 171) ** Added Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 172) * "The Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi then traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there, and also discovered the clone army that Dooku had once ordered. This army was now fully grown and ready for action." Condense this, but give some more context in general on Episode II. The Jedi rescue force in particular.
 * 173) ** OK, did a little more context.
 * 174) * Be specific about some Episode II details. List the factions involved in the CIS. List the creatures in the arena.
 * 175) ** Done, though the CIS stuff inevitably comes across as a little listy.
 * 176) * In general, it is not advisable to use the first names of characters. A few exceptions might include major characters, but not, say, Zam Wesell.
 * 177) ** OK Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 178) * More detail on arena battle and Dooku's role in it.
 * 179) ** Uh, OK, added that he watched from the balcony :P Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 180) * 2nd para of "The clones attack" is all short sentences.
 * 181) ** fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 182) * "spectacular duel" is POV.
 * 183) ** fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 184) * Sev'rance Tann's role in Dooku's escape from Geonosis, as well as the Dark Acolytes blocking Windu in their tanks should be mentioned.
 * 185) ** Like Padme falling out of the gunship, I don't think this is really directly relevant to Dooku's article. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 186) ***I'll accept the explanation on the tanks, but I think Sev'rance Tann's role as the chief commander of the droid armies could use some explanation, and that ties in well with her role in helping Dooku escape. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 187) ****I added a little more context with Tann in the proper section. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 188) *You're about halfway to my ending catchphrase, but I think there's plenty here for now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 189) " Even as the Separatist movement grew and coalesced around Dooku as a leader, the Jedi Council did not believe he could be behind the violence.[24] although he". I think your reference is eating some of your text here.
 * 190) **fixed Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 191) * 3 short paragraphs in "A new ally" could use merging.
 * 192) ** I did a little bit of addition, but I think merging those paragraphs would hurt more than it'd help Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 193) * More context needed on "Sidious said that it did not matter either way.".
 * 194) ** Added Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 195) * This is related to above, but Tann's role and actions are never explained properly in relation to Dooku.
 * 196) **Tried to address this Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 197) * Again, check your linking. A lot of things are overlinked, but don't worry too much about it; that can be corrected automatically.
 * 198) * The first name thing is fine with say, Anakin and Obi-Wan as long as it's not overrused, but certainly not with minor characters. Nothing you haven't seen before. ;-)
 * 199) ** I'll fix it as I go, but not for, say, Tallisibeth Enwandung-Esterhazy Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 200) ***Spoilsport. :-P Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 201) * Just a general suggestion: Try reading the article aloud to see how it flows. Parts of it don't read that well, and a few small tweaks would fix those.
 * 202) * The section title "Miscellaneous villainy" needs reworded. Dare I say it doesn't sound encyclopediac?
 * 203) **Unencyclopediac...but -so- true. OK, reworded. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 204) * These two don't flow well together: "Droids planted charges on the planet and prepared for detonation. The Separatist-allied inhabitents of Viidaav would have also been killed."
 * 205) **Reworded whole section Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 206) * "Miscellaneous villainy" has a large number of short paragraphs and the content is disjointed. Let the prose flow within you.
 * 207) **It's hard. Mostly random CWA stuff. Gave it a shot Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 208) * Short paragraphs in meeting on Vjun.
 * 209) **Did some work there. Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 210) *" She had previously been defeated and humiliated by Anakin Skywalker on Coruscant.[61] However, a Republic fleet arrived before the process was completed." These two have no tie-in, and don't flow well together either.
 * 211) **Added more context Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 212) * Last paragraph on Saleucami needs more context, or give background on the battle more towards the beginning. Either way.
 * 213) **done Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 214) * "Sidious also ordered Grievous to attack Coruscant and simultaneously to the Separatist assault on Tythe." Clarify this sentence.
 * 215) **did so Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 216) * "General Grievous was unaware that his hapless captive was also the feared mastermind behind the Confederation. Dooku arrived on the Invisible Hand and took charge of the prisoner." These two sentences don't flow well together.
 * 217) **Tried to segue better Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 218) * Link the Invisible Hand.
 * 219) **It was linked in the first mention Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 220) * Link to the saber forms and even provide some context on them if you feel it would be good.
 * 221) **I'd prefer not to, having just rescued the article from an unhealthy obsession with Makashi. I have some in the lightsaber training section, but it needs to stay out of the ROTS fight or else it will morph into "Ataru beat Makashi" instead of "Anakin beat Dooku". Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 222) ***Fair enough. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:35, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 223) *" In a burst of power, Anakin overpowered Dooku". The power of the sentence is a mite overwhelming.
 * 224) **did some rewording Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 225) * Remove the section header "Revelation". It's unnecessary and interrupts the events on Invisible Hand
 * 226) **OK....I did this, but I'm not sure I'm happy with it. Lose "Kill him now" quote, for one. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 227) * Redlinks. Waaaay too many.
 * 228) **Down to three now Yrfeloran 04:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 229) *Keep working on it. Chances are that this'll go through a couple more reviews, but don't give up; this has potential. Have a Super Terrific Friendly-Unfrustrating Day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 230) From the squalid cublicle of Graestan (Part One):
 * 231) * Abbreviating the ref names would be most helpful in an article of such scope.
 * 232) **I abbreviated prime offender Essential Guide to the Force, but most everything else is linked only a few times. Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 233) * More thorough and consistent linking is desired.
 * 234) * POV-ish statements abound. "Legendary" and "vastly overmatched" in particular. I suggest going over the article, seeking out anything that isn't inherently neutral or makes value judgments not specifically established by canon.
 * 235) * It's pretty thoroughly established precedent in featured articles that aside from a few whole-name mentions, last names are to be used except in instances of multiple individuals mentioned in the article having the same last name. Please look through and change accordingly; I've already done a bit of Jinning Qui-Gons.
 * 236) **FWIW, for main characters, IMO, such as Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, etc. it's permissible to use first names provided it's not overly done. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 237) ***Who says? You? I had a round-and-round debate with about ten users that told me otherwise a few months ago. I'm sticking with their consensus that I wasn't a part of. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 238) ****Heh, well, I'd talked to Greyman and Toprawa about it for Wormhead, and they said that using "Luke" instead of constantly stating "Skywalker" was okay. Perhaps we should come to a better understanding on this issue at the next Inq meeting. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 239) * "Building from this foundation" doesn't really sit well with me.
 * 240) **I've rephrased this whole section Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 241) * Calling Cerulian a historian and then stating that his interests were in history is a bit redundant.
 * 242) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 243) * "Historically knowledgeable and politically apt" implies that he had a history of being knowledgeable and was apt for political reasons. Please rephrase; a shame, that was a pretty one.
 * 244) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 245) * "Dooku and Qui-Gon were forced to surrender to the pirates when Colicoid Eradicator droids threatened the factory's child workers, and were injected with toxins that paralyzed them and rendered them unconscious." – Clarify who has what done. Also, give a little explanation of motivations.
 * 246) **The scene itself is a little confusing - it's unclear who they surrendered too, and it's unclear who injected the, I did some cleanup Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 247) *More later. Thanks for your time. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:53, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 248) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan (Part Two):
 * 249) * "one of the only ones" – Yuck; reword, please.
 * 250) **Reworded this Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 251) * Vosa was his second Padawan, not a second Padawan, which would be a no-no. Please revise.
 * 252) **Cleaned up, though I daresay you could have fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 253) ***Actually, was asking for clarity. She could have been a second without my knowing it. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 254) * "This was in a way the truth" steps a bit too far out of the universe for comfort.
 * 255) **Fixed. See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 256) * Explain that the Death Watch are Mandalorians.
 * 257) **Got it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 258) * The transition from Galidraan to Baltizaar, then back to Galidraan is a bit rough. Can this be rearranged?
 * 259) ** Slightly tweaked Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 260) * No setup for Maul?
 * 261) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 262) * Was his bust in the Archives before or after he left? Please clarify.
 * 263) **Clarified Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 264) * It is stated twice that Dooku retired to Serenno and so forth.
 * 265) **I think someone fixed this - it looks okay to me. Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 266) * An explanation for Sifo-Dyas's order with the Kaminoans is required. Why, who it was for, etc.
 * 267) **There's...not much I can do with this. Sifo-Dyas's motivations are still entirely unclear. It's a fuzzy, confused area of canon that makes very little plot sense. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 268) ***Not even that it was speculated that he foresaw some need, and that the order was for the Republic? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 269) ****It's unsettled enough that it's speculation still, and it's not out of the question that he was working for Sidious somehow. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 270) *****I could swear that I read somewhere about what I laid out&mdash;Sifo-Dyas's foresight. Is it possible some source material should be checked? And at the very least, that he placed the order in the name of the Republic should be stated. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 271) ******Okay, I did some tweaking Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 272) * No mention of the Dagobah system's deletion?
 * 273) **Sure, threw it in. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 274) * Establish what the Deep Core is.
 * 275) **Done Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 276) * Okay, I demand either an Equipment section or at least a longer mention of the solar sailer in the bio. Also, Geonosian sailing vessels? Are we talking in space, or on Geonosis's as-yet-unseen seas?
 * 277) **Added some stuff Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 278) * "ex-Mandalorians" – This can't be worded right. Aren't they Mandalorian by culture, not so much affiliation?
 * 279) **Fixed Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 280) ***For what it's worth, I think the term "ex-Mandalorian" is used in Legacy: Noob. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 281) * No setup for Nat Secura.
 * 282) **Touched this up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 283) * "of the &hellip; of the" in the next paragraph reads awkwardly.
 * 284) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 285) * "While gathering support for secession from the Republic" – This has literally no context whatsoever.
 * 286) **Rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 287) * It should be explained why Sidious was interested in Sheelal.
 * 288) **Done Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 289) * What personal grievance against the Huks? This reads something like a teaser; please go into some detail.
 * 290) **This wasn't really critical, so I removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 291) * No mention of when and why Grievous took up his name.
 * 292) **I had this wrong and removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 293) * Honestly, I'd rewrite the Grievous section. It needs to read a bit more like a story.
 * 294) **Grievous section rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 295) *More later. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:18, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 296) From the Family-sized Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 297) *I've made a good way through the article, fixing up some things doing a first-run copyedit. Here are some other thoughts within the Biography section, divided by subsection&hellip;
 * 298) *Childhood:
 * 299) ** "However, Lorian Nod was jealous of Dooku being chosen as a Padawan before him, and stole a Sith holocron from the quarters of Thame Cerulian." By linking these sentences you are saying that there is a connection between Nod's jealousy and him stealing the holocron. If this is the case, state what the connection is. Otherwise, sever the sentences.
 * 300) ***It's Jude Watson logic. I did some more expansion there. Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 301) ** Nothing precedes the next sentence stating that Nod was caught. If added as an introductory clause, you will have to restructure this sentence.
 * 302) ***Expanded stuff Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 303) ** Did Nod and Dooku become bitter enemies before or after they went before the council? Something seems out of order here; though, this may be cleared up if it is stated that (and how, if possible) Nod was caught.
 * 304) ***see above Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 305) ** "His teacher sat on the Jedi Council, and was a keen historian, even inquiring into the history of the Sith." I'm not quite sure why this sentence is here or its overall relevance. It could simply be stated above that Cerulian sat on the Council by working it into his initial introduction, unless he was not seated on it by that time. Does the fact that Cerulian inquired into the Sith play a role for Dooku somehow? If not, I would strongly advise that this not be included.
 * 306) ***Did some tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 307) ** I suggest combining the last two paragraphs into one, with the first beginning "Even under the tutelage of Cerulian, Master Yoda&hellip;" Then, the current location of this similar clause would become "With the combined influences of his Master and others, Dooku became&hellip;"
 * 308) ***Someone else did this; I did some further tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 309) ****I still ended up combining them. Two sentence paragraphs are, by and large, discouraged.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 310) *Knight and Master:
 * 311) ** Link to Lorian Nod's headquarters.
 * 312) ***I ended up doing this, as well. Be aware that it creates a red link, but having an article for this would be necessary eventually.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 313) ****I know I mentioned this to you on IRC, but the place is so completely undescribed and unnotable that I don't think an article on it would serve any purpose. Yrfeloran 18:56, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 314) *****It may not seem like it is necessary, but it I prefer completeness on behalf of the encyclopedia.
 * 315) ** "Dooku acted as a teacher to Jinn, not a friend, and the two drifted apart in later years." Later years implies that they drifted as they both got 'old and gray.' I remember reading that they gradually drifted apart over the years but that it began almost immediately after Jinn was knighted. If I am correct in remembering this, you might want to reword this sentence.
 * 316) ***I deleted it- it wasn't really necessary Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 317) ****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 318) ** "The Council soon agreed that his skills made him well suited for such field work." Soon? I don't follow; don't think this word belongs in there.
 * 319) ***Cut soon Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 320) *Galidraan:
 * 321) ** The subsection title isn't all that descriptive and doesn't really encompass all that is covered in this subsection. I would encourage a change, though others might not see the need to do so.
 * 322) ***I'd kind of prefer to keep it - Galidraan's a very critical event in Dooku's character arc. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 323) ****Fair enough.
 * 324) ** Komari Vosa isn't mentioned until the Galidraan subsection, but I believe should be mentioned in the subsection prior. Possibly, you could simply include it right after the "Old Guard" sentence. Unless, of course, Vosa was taken as a Padawan when the uprising began. Any other information you can add on Vosa and Dooku's reaction/thoughts toward/reasons for taking/etc. would be very useful in the relocated area.
 * 325) ***Motivations? I wish. We don't even have a real motivation for him becoming a Sith Lord :P. Moved Vosa. Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 326) ** "This was partially true, as he had hired Jango Fett and his followers, the True Mandalorians, to eliminate his own enemies, and was now working with Fett's enemy Vizsla and the Mandalorian splinter faction known as the Death Watch to destroy Fett and his faction." Very heavily this reads. This should be broken up into two, possibly three sentences.
 * 327) ***I expanded this Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 328) ** "Dooku submitted a protest to the Jedi Council after Baltizaar, arguing that the Council was wasting Jedi lives for political reasons." Expand.
 * 329) ***IIRC, that's about all the information provided from EGTTF. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 330) ****What Ataru said Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 331) *****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 332) *Leaving the Order:
 * 333) ** "He was the last former Jedi Master to be counted among the Lost Twenty, and a bronzium bust of him was created to join the other sculptures of the Lost in the Jedi Archives." So, he was already one of the "Lost Twenty" before he left the Order? Reword and clarify.
 * 334) ***I did a little expansion here Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 335) *Sith apprentice:
 * 336) ** "Shortly after Dooku left the Order, Master Sifo-Dyas ordered a clone army in secret from the planet Kamino." There is a syntax error somewhere in there that makes the "in secret" part not work. Which are you considering secret or secretive?
 * 337) ***Think I fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 338) ****Yes, that makes it work.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 339) ** "Information about secret Jedi hyperspace routes through the Deep Core region in the center of the galaxy were also stolen." Stolen or erased? Double check this. If you can confirm this as stolen, do not use "also" as it implies that these things had the same done to them. Rather, use "In addition", or "Additionally," at the head of the sentence.
 * 340) ***I'll do this later, but yes, stolen. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 341) **** Ok. I remembered it incorrectly. Nevertheless, I would change the head of the sentence as suggested per it being stolen.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 342) *****Touched up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 343) ******I'm still trying to fathom why Dooku would need to steal them. :)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 344) *Moving the pieces
 * 345) ** "On a mission to the planet Geonosis, on Sidious's behalf, he impressed Archduke Poggle the Lesser with his knowledge of ancient Geonosian atmospheric sailing vessels and was presented with a Punworcca 116-class interstellar sloop." You should separate the ship presentation from the rest of the sentence.
 * 346) ***Done Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 347) ** "Dooku's Sith training was soon interrupted by Sidious with an urgent matter." Earlier in the last section it is mentioned that Dooku was under instruction of Sidious, but this is an overt statement about training. What training? It is not clearly mentioned earlier and should be if he was in fact "training" in the ways of the dark side of the Force. Expand.
 * 348) ***Sidious mentions he's interrupting Dooku's training in Bounty Hunter, but we never directly see the training itself, though Dooku very vaguely refers to it in Labyrinth of Evil Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 349) **** If it is that strongly referred to, it merits a mention. We may not see it, but if it is stated, then it would be a far statement to say that it occurred.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 350) *****Made small additions here. Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 351) ******Thank you. This works better now.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 352) ** "Dooku had previously encountered Vosa in her new identity and allowed her to live as an experiment, but now Sidious commanded her death." If she was seen or encountered earlier, she should probably be mentioned earlier. Expand.
 * 353) ***Heh! More events only known about from Bounty Hunter dialogue. Very vague paraphrase from memory: Sidious:"You didn't kill her the last time you met. Why?" Dooku: *shifty* "An experiment." Sidious: "The experiment has failed. I want her dead." No more details than that. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 354) **** I'd reword the sentence then to say something along the lines of "Even though Dooku did not divulge his reasoning, he kept Vosa alive as an 'experiment'." (Single quotes would become double quotes in the text. In this instance, something to this effect covers all the bases – tweaks in wording give the reader the knowledge that nothing more can be found on this topic.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 355) *****I did some rephrasing Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 356) *A pair of miscellaneous thoughts:
 * 357) **Yes, this is only the first part, but do not be discouraged. Many, many authors have had their hands in the text since it has been created and you are doing a nice job ironing it out as best as possible. I commend you for this.
 * 358) **If you cite something at the end of a compound sentence, it is etiquette to make certain that both parts of the sentence are from that source. If not, cite the other source after the comma and before the conjunction. If the sentence isn't compound, try to avoid mid-sentence citations unless you are listing things out.
 * 359) *Keep up the good work and I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:12, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 360) Seconds from Fiolli's Pasta Bowl:
 * 361) *Moving the pieces:
 * 362) ** Not really an objection, but this needs to be at least addressed. Poggle the Lesser is mentioned in the Grievous section as being a part of Dooku's group to recruit the general. Was this an extension of their prior relationship and was this relationship what helped to prompt Geonosis to secede from the Republic?
 * 363) ***Poggle's actually Sidious's minion...i added a mention that he was Dooku's ally. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 364) *Creating Grievous:
 * 365) ** "They planted an ion bomb was on Grievous's shuttle Martyr." Huh?
 * 366) ***Did a little more expanding here Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 367) ** "Dooku personally trained Grievous in lightsaber combat, turning the cyborg became a deadly killer of Jedi." The last half of this reads funny. I think I know what you are trying to say, but it is awkward.
 * 368) ***Oh, this was an error. Changed Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 369) *Birth of Seperatists:
 * 370) ** "Separatist sentiment soon spread, and on some planets turned into armed resistance against the Republic." Syntactic error.
 * 371) ***Tweaked Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 372) ** "Dooku's next move was to try and bring the planet Ansion into the future Confederacy." The Confederacy doesn't exist yet. You're still talking about the birth of a movement, refer to the Separatist movement instead.
 * 373) ***Changed this. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 374) ** "Shu Mai had also handled a small rebellion among the secret supporters of secession in the Commerce Guild." Handled doesn't seem to work. I'm not sure what this sentence really means.
 * 375) ***Changed to 'dealt with' Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 376) **"Industrialist Tam Uliss wished to step up their plans and go public despite Ansion's failure to secede. Shu Mai informed Dooku that she had given this faction an object lesson by killing Tam Uliss in a staged accident. Dooku was pleased, telling Shu Mai that their plans were nearing completion." What plans? Secession? The same plans as Dooku?
 * 377) ***Frequently referred to but never quite explained Republic-destroying plans. Tweaked. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 378) ***As with Sidious, nobody actually sees the plan. They're just assured everything is going according to it. ;) Tweaked.Yrfeloran 22:08, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 379) ****Clear up "go public" then. The plans I was referring to are Mai's plans.
 * 380) *****Seriously, I've reread The Approaching Storm, and this is the best I can do. Mai and the Corporate Alliance's thwarted plans of what they'll do if Ansion secedes are also really really vague Republic-destroying plans that aren't explained Yrfeloran 02:16, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 381) ******Sorry to keep dragging this out, but "Republic-destroying" is much more specific than what is in the text at the moment and adding that would more than suffice. Also, what do you mean by "go public"?  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 382) *Conspiracy revealed:
 * 383) ** "Kenobi found Jango Fett there, as well as the clone army that Dooku had once ordered." It is stated above (in the text) that Sifo-Dyas ordered the army, but Dooku paid for it. Please fix.
 * 384) ***Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 385) ** "Dooku then told Obi-Wan that Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord, had control over the Senate. and made one last appeal for Obi-Wan to defect, saying that together they could destroy the Sith." Do you want this separated into two sentences or as one? I like the idea of two, personally.
 * 386) ***Oh, that was sloppy of me. Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 387) *I am going to have to stop here for now. I apologize that this is taking so long. Things are looking much better, Yrf. Congrats. I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 388) Now onward to the Fiolli's Special Antipasto
 * 389) *Arena bloodbath:
 * 390) ** "He did not, however, as it was not the Jedi way." Some might disagree, but unless this is stated in the text explicitly, I think this violates NPoV and should not be included.
 * 391) ***It is (it's actually a major point in Shatterpoint), but I changed it anyway Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 392) ****Okay.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:25, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 393) *Jedi confrontation:
 * 394) ** "Leaping into action, the two engaged in a spectacular duel." Check PoV. Tone down "spectacular" to something like "fierce."
 * 395) ***Done Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 396) *Early conflicts:
 * 397) ** "Encountering one another in the cargo bay of Dooku's ship for the second time, Dooku stated his curiosity about the Force Harvester's effects on a Jedi." Wording suggests that this the second time in the ship's cargo bay rather than the second time over all.
 * 398) ***Changed Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 399) ** "He used the Harvester on Aargonar, Bakura and Mon Calamari before retreating to Thule to prepare the rest of the Dark Reaper for use." Do we know any of the effects the usage had on these places?
 * 400) ***I think I've addressed this. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 401) ****Where? I don't see it. If it is addressed, it should be where the usage of the Harvester is first mentioned.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 402) *****I added something about life-force draining. Long term impact - well, we don't know, but it obviously wasn't too bad.
 * 403) ******I'm going to strike this so that the nomination isn't held up, but I still think things in this section could be touched up.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 404) ** "Dooku's plan for the Dark Reaper was finally thwarted when the Jedi attacked Thule. He unleashed the Force Harvester on the Republic's forces, but Anakin Skywalker destroyed it in the battle, having learned from a hologram of the ancient Jedi Ulic Qel-Droma how to resist the effects of the Sith weapon. With the Force Harvester gone, and Prax also slain by Skywalker shortly before, Dooku fled the field." Nice flow to this, the first sentence is good. Yet, I would prefer that Prax's death be listed before the destruction of the Reaper since it happened first; try to keep these things chronological unless it is revealed that way in the text.
 * 405) ***Changed it. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 406) ** "Following the death of Sev'rance Tann, his favored general, Dooku needed to find someone to replace her as the commander of his armies. Dooku had three choices: Asajj Ventress, Durge, and Grievous." This introduction seems orphaned. While I think I know what you are referring to, much has been described since the death of Tann. The top of "A new ally" strongly suggests that Ventress had already replaced Tann. Clarify. This is going to take some work and possibly a partial rewrite of this section.
 * 407) ***Ventress was not doing General stuff - tweaked this a bit.Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 408) ****Good enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 409) *Good luck. More later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:15, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 410) Some grass clippings:
 * 411) * Overlinking really needs to be addressed. Perhaps you could request Darth Culator to run the Auto Wiki Browser over the article. Otherwise, the time-tested CTRL+F method serves me well, and I suggest it.
 * 412) **He did. Then someone added more redundant links. I think I've trimmed most of them.Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 413) * Aside from the templates, the Tales information in "Birth of the Separatist movement" reads completely out of place in relation to the surrounding text. Please tweak, especially, the first clause of the Tales section.
 * 414) **Tweaked. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 415) * "traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there" – This is redundant.
 * 416) **Did some adjustments. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 417) * Are we going to capitalize Senator in every instance or not? It isn't only being used capitalized as a title in the article, as it stands. Please decide; perhaps the Manual of Style could shed light.
 * 418) **Fixed. Yrfeloran 18:07, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 419) * Most of the images in the article are sized quite a bit too small. Please make most of them at least 25% larger.
 * 420) **Cool beans; my eyes no longer hurt. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:26, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 421) * First and last name usage, if we're going to fight over which is to be used, needs to at least be consistent. Please, I implore you, switch over to the commonly accepted practice of full-name usage for first mentions, followed by last names only except where last names are shared. It would really make the article seem more professional.
 * 422) **I think I've cleaned up the article nowYrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 423) * On the subject of consistency, have you gone through and rewritten whatever doesn't line up with your style of writing? The sections still seem disjointed. For instance, "Birth of the Separatist movement" is quite masterfully written in relation to "A conspiracy revealed." Please let me know what's been done so far.
 * 424) **I've done a little rewriting all around Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 425) * "Lightsabers" section should be expanded to "Equipment" section describing his garb, his ship, and a subsection on the lightsabers.
 * 426) **Done. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 427) ***Excellent job on that. I really am impressed. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:40, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 428) * The addition of external links would be an excellent move for such a popular topic. Please add Databank entries and anything official, especially if Chris Lee interviews or similar material is out on the internet to be had.
 * 429) **Excellent job on that; I am very pleased. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:20, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 430) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:14, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 431) Can we get a little addition to the Biography? In the Essential Guide to the Force there is a vignette on page 68 of an encounter between Dooku and Yoda when Dooku is seven. QuentinGeorge 08:55, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 432) *It's already obliquely mentioned. It's kind of...not that notable, though. It's a day in the life of Youngling Dooku. I've added another mention in P&T - it's much more of a P&T event than a biography one. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 433) ** '''Objection overridden by Inquisitorius 17:06, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 434) Time for the Spumoni, Fiolli-style:
 * 435) * First things, first: Please clarify the blood transfusion. "In addition, Sifo-Dyas's blood was transfused into Grievous during his reconstruction as an experiment in midi-chlorian transplantation." It needs to be stated that Force adeptness does not transfer. See the midi-chlorian article, which Lord Hydronium has brought up to par very, very nicely.
 * 436) ** I'm not sure it helps the flow of the article to include that information, but sure. Yrfeloran 05:49, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 437) ***It was a necessary clarification. Thank you for adding it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 438) * Last sentence of 1.5.2: "&hellip;and drove one more dark side wedge into his soul." Not NPoV. Please change.
 * 439) **Eh, toned down a little Yrfeloran 18:07, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 440) ***Much, much better. Thanks.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 441) *1.6: "Few of Dooku's students survived him. Dooku's acolyte and student Asajj Ventress may have escaped Darth Vader and the Jedi Purge, since Palpatine's clone still believed she had died at Boz Pity well after the Battle of Endor." Expand. If only a few survived him, which ones? Why the speculation on Asajj Ventress; is there something to strongly indicate she survived or is this speculation/OR ?
 * 442) **Dooku has a bunch of misc force-sensitive goons, and we don't know what happened to a couple of them. And (as you quoted), Clone Palpatine IU thinks Asajj died at Boz Pity, which indicates she wasn't purged. Though that's subject to canon having a better idea later, of course. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 443) *** One last thing, the Battle of Boz Pity was before Endor. Are you certain that last sentence is correct or are there different events (which should be then linked)?  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 444) * 3.2: Him taming a Krayt dragon is mentioned and cited. This is very notable and should be included in the appropriate spot of the biography.
 * 445) **Uh, well, it's a very -random- greater Krayt dragon. It shows up in an undated flashback to the Clone Wars on an unknown planet where Dooku has a miscellaneous lair. Dooku is teaching Vos to mind control animals. Context for how Dooku got it off Tatooine, or if it was already there when he took over wherever the place was, etc. is entirely missing. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 446) ***It seems that you have some information to place it. I guess if it can't be placed clearly, then it is fine.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 447) * Numbered subsection 11 and 12 (above) still each have an objection outstanding.
 * 448) **Commented on those. Yrfeloran 05:49, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 449) *** Two last objections outstanding. One in 11, one it this subsection. Thanks.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 450) *I know I skipped around for this one, but I am bypassing the Clone Wars section for now&mdash;as far as being in-depth is concerned&mdash; and it may be revisited later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 451) Image objections:
 * 452) * Image:Count Dooku headshot gaze.jpg is fairly low quality.
 * 453) **Eh...it looks fine in the context of the article, so I don't really see the issue.Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 454) * Image:Dooku-Yoda Early Life.JPG is horribly scanned.
 * 455) **Ozzel did a new scan, but the source material was done on cheap paper, etc.Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 456) * Image:Dooku Open Seasons.jpg is distorted.
 * 457) **It looks pretty close to my copy, and I can't find anyone to rescan it.Yrfeloran 06:38, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 458) * Image:Mastersdookuandsifo.jpg is low-res and distorted. Surely this can be re-scanned.
 * 459) **I can't find anyone to rescan it - I uploaded it, but that was a crop from another image. Yrfeloran 06:38, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 460) * Remove either Image:First Dooku lightsaber.jpg or Image:DookuSaber-MR.jpg from the "Lightsabers" section, and move Image:Sailer NEGVV.jpg to the right. The way it's currently set up makes the section seem cluttered.
 * 461) **I've shrunk the lightsaber images, but I feel all three images are necessary to the section. It's not like there's six lightsaber images like in certain articles. Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 462) * Image:Dooku Young-Old.JPG is horribly scanned.
 * 463) **Ozzel has uploaded a new version and says it's the best that can be done given the cheapness of the original comic. Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 464) * And finally, remove Image:Dookubust.jpg from the Appearances section.
 * 465) **Done Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * --Imperialles 13:36, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) ** '''Objections overridden by Inquisitorius02:43, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

Motion to strike above objection by QuentinGeorge
 * 1) Objection has been answered to, at least, for nearly a month, and a talk page message was left over a week ago. Thefourdotelipsis 08:26, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 09:06, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) One of the reasons we exist.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:27, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:41, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 02:49, 13 June 2008 (UTC)

Motion to strike above objections by Imperialles
 * 1) Objections have been either resolved or answered for over a week, message was left on talk page several days ago. Thefourdotelipsis 02:22, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 02:27, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Lord Hydronium 02:28, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I still belong, don't get me wrong, and you can speak your mind, but not on my time... --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:30, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Let's get this show on the road. He's been gone for ten days.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:43, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Former featured article. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I am happy to see someone tackle this and I would encourage you, Yrfeloran, to hack away at it. For what it's worth, I recall (several months ago) noticing that numerous chunks of fanon and fan speculation had made their way into this article, so as the revision process continues, I'd recommend proceeding suspiciously, never assuming that a source tag is legit unless yourself added or checked it. (I haven't even really looked at it yet, though, so for all I know somebody already cleansed it.)  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 12:39, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I did a good deal of the sourcing myself, and have spot-checked most of the rest. There was a serious fanon/NPOV purge that I did, and the non-biographical sections are now shorter. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Note to self: Done up to Clone Wars. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Small input from Tinwe, concerning the lightsaber Dooku used as a Jedi: I'd like to point you to the direction of this image. It shows that Dooku used the curve-hilt design already as a Padawan (I'm not 100% sure if this is his own saber or just another training saber&mdash;though at least I have never seen a curve-hilted one). Whatever the case, I think it deserves to be mentioned in the article. --Tinwe 16:09, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There's a mention in the continuity section of the BtS. As a book cover, the Legacy of the Jedi cover is not really canon. Especially since there's no scene with young Dooku wielding his own saber in the actual book, and the whole montage is kinda, IMHO, poorly done. Yrfeloran 00:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I could use some more feedback on this(objections or votes). I'd be happy to address any concerns with the article. Yrfeloran 01:51, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Curiously enough, our own articles place Tann's attack on Alaris Prime before Dooku's use of the Force Harvester. Just a thought. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:37, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Ack...I think the article initially had them that way. I'll double-check when I get back, but you're probably right. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * They're both 1 month ABG, and they're both extended campaigns that overlap. Because Dooku's personally involved in the Harvester campaign and I'm segueing in from what he's doing with Fett on Raxus Prime before hand, I think it makes sense to cover the whole Harvester campaign first, and then mention he's advising Tann as well. Yrfeloran 15:04, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There seems to be an overabundance of small, two- and three-sentence paragraphs. Don't be afraid to merge these, or to write larger paragraphs, as long as the prose flows well. Inline citations within paragraphs are acceptable.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:46, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm finding net access while abroad a little more difficult than I thought, but commented on a few objections. I'll still be gone for several more days. Keep the objections coming, I'll have plenty of time to address them when I get back Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm aware of the burgeoning Clone Wars continuity clusterkriff, and will adjust as necessary. Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All my objections addressed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) ** '''Approved by Inquisitorius 02:43, 14 June 2008 (UTC)