Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Groznik


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Groznik

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 02:19, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hey all. Back from another of my famous little months-long hiatuses. (LOTS more nominations than last time I was here! Wow!) I plan on adding a few more pictures to this when and if my scanner gets better, but for now, here it is...

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- Harrar 08:55, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:22, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:01, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 15:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Hooray for easily-bamboozled Wookiees!  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 16:37, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:03, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the mernip breeding pools of Harrar
 * 2) * "He was nearly gunned down from behind by a stormtrooper and Imperial officer, but one of the fighters, Throm Loro, gunned them down at the last minute and saved the Wookiee's life." Reword one of the "gunned downs".
 * 3) **Done. --Colinmcev 15:09, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * "Significant nuisance" seems almost self-contradictory. I'd go with something other than nuisance.
 * 5) **Changed it to "disruptive." I'm open to other suggestions, or you can toss one in yourself if you want. --Colinmcev 15:09, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Nope, that's good.
 * 7) * "Before his death, Loro told Groznik about his wife..." this reads as though he told Groznik as he was dying. I'm guessing this isn't what happened, but you should clarify.
 * 8) * Can we expand on Groznik's first meeting with Elscol? You say he's never met her then he's refusing to leave her side.
 * 9) **Changed it. --Colinmcev 15:09, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***I think you meant this for the objection above.
 * 11) ****Oh yeah, sorry. Unfortunately, we never see their first meeting. I added "From that point on" to try to convey that after meeting her he wouldn't leave her side. I'm open to if you want to rephrase that clause. --Colinmcev 23:02, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *****Nah, it's all good.
 * 13) * "Before his death, Loro told Groznik about his wife, Elscol Loro, and although the Wookiee had never met her, her connection to his old master was enough for the life debt to transfer to her. He refused to leave her side and, as she continued to lead her late husband's resistance movement, Groznik fought alongside her." Too many "her"s! Can we reword some of this?
 * 14) **Better? --Colinmcev 15:09, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Yup.
 * 16) * Penultimate section. "to gently knock" &mdash; we shouldn't really split infinitives, even if it reads better. Please reword
 * 17) **OK. --Colinmcev 15:09, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * Does the Agents of Chaos ref tag really cover all the info in the last section?
 * 19) **Everything except the fact that it weighed heavily on Elscol. I added ref tags to that one. --Colinmcev 15:09, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *Nicely done once again, Colin. Harrar 14:35, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks! --Colinmcev 15:09, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) Far too many images. Makes the article look cluttered. --Imperialles 12:40, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Removed some and spread out the rest. I think it's better now. --Colinmcev 14:07, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) From the beach of Chack Jadson:
 * 25) * Could you link to battles in the intro the first time Mrlsst and Cilpar ar mentioned, and then link the planets the second time?
 * 26) **I don't think they really count as battles per se, and as such there's no articles for them. Battle of Cilpar links to the Battle of the Cliffs, where Throm Loro died, but not to the Rogue Squadron activities there. --Colinmcev 17:28, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * "nearly shot to death." I’d suggest removing to death.
 * 28) **Done. --Colinmcev 17:28, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Groznik, Loro, Janson, Dllr Nep, Tycho Celchu, Mirax Terrik, Plourr Ilo, Derek Klivian and Koyi Komad." Give context on who these new characters are.
 * 30) **Done. Thanks! --Colinmcev 17:28, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *Excellent.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:40, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Fiolli:
 * 33) * "Groznik had a fiery temper which, although also not uncommon among Wookiees, was further exacerbated by the tragedies that so defined his early life." The interjectory clause seems too stereotypish for my liking and seems more like OR than a fact. Can this be cited? If not, please remove it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:56, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) **Well, characters often said stuff like "You know how Wookiees are" and things like that whenever Groznik flew off the handle so I guess that's where that came from but, especially now that you point it out, I tend to agree with you. Removed the clause. --Colinmcev 04:12, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) The alternating left/right images needs to be corrected - the first image after the infobox should be on the left and the rest adjusted accordingly. --Eyrezer 03:53, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) *Ok. -- Colinmcev 22:26, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) **I'd normally do it myself but only had a moment. --Eyrezer 02:40, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) Toprawa:
 * 39) * You use the New Republic character infobox, when you only list him as being affiliated with the Rebel Alliance. Additionally, if he died in 4 ABY, he couldn't possibly have served with the NR, which wasn't established until 5 ABY. Please use the Rebellion character infobox.
 * 40) **Done. -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) * The way you refer to this as "the" gravitic polarization beam leaves it begging for some greater context: "escaping Falken's Lab before it was destroyed by the gravitic polarization beam."
 * 42) **Better now? -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Yup, and I tweaked it a little bit to closer read as part of what you had. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:03, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Given that I'm not sure bears nor the concept of "bear-hugs" are canon, I would rather you reword this: "in a powerful bear-hug"
 * 45) **If ducks are canon, bears should be canon! :D You're right though, I fixed it. -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * I'm not sure this wording is exactly accurate, given that TIE/lns cannot truly "bombard" anything: "Believing Groznik to have been killed by TIE Fighter bombardments"
 * 47) **Changed it to attacks. -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * I'm confused here...you say that Celchu didn't steal the datacards, but here you say that Rogue Squadron is going to retrieve the stolen data cards...from whom? Who stole them? "While the other Rogues went to recover the stolen datacards"
 * 49) **Well, the long version is that the Rogues reviewed surveillance footage and saw the Imperials get attacked by droids that had previously performed with the Ghost Jedi band. The Rogues knew which satellite that band transmitted from (they play from space and projected a hologram onto the planet) so they went there, believing the datacards could be there. Since none of this has anything to do with Groznik, though, I think it would weigh the article down. So in order to prevent that, I kept it sort of general. To address your objection, I changed it to reflect that they were pursuing a lead that they thought would lead to the datacards. let me know what you think, or feel free to tweak the wording yourself if you like. -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ***That works well. I find that for things like this, the briefer you can make it, the better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:03, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * Same sentence, Antilles is suddenly captured now? Both of these needs some greater context: "and free the imprisoned Wedge Antilles"
 * 52) **Dropped it altogether. -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * If no source presents this idea, this is OR. If something does, then by all means keep it, but if not, you might want to reword it to something like "one of the galaxy's most famous Wookiees.: "arguably the galaxy's most famous Wookiee"
 * 54) **I dropped the "most famous" stuff but kept in the reference to his fame, which is sufficiently covered by the current source. -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * I would still like to see the bit about him being imprisoned on Endor worked into the article, since I'm not sure its not being included in the omnibus necessarily negates its canonicity. It would still be pertinent to leave the BTS note, however.
 * 56) **If you say so. lol. -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) **Good P/T and BTS. Well-researched. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:42, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) ***Thanks! -- Colinmcev 04:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

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