Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Destruction of Otoh Sancture

Massacre of Otoh Sancture

 * Nominated by: Commander Code-8 (talk) 04:35, July 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first GA nomination for Wookieeproject Video Games

Nice to see you writting your first nom!

 * I suggest you get rid of the redirects. You can see them by going to your Preferences' Gadgets section and selecting Highlight all redirects orange.
 * In the info box, you put the civilians causulties twice, once in the causilites for Gallo and once for the civilian causulities. Remove those for the civilians, since you already mentioned them in Gallo's.
 * Context for Naboo in the intro.
 * Context in intro and body for war of the Gungan tribes.
 * In the intro, could you reword the context so we don't have a repitition of Gungan tribes.....Gungan tribes.
 * Done--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:25, July 24, 2012 (UTC)
 * You need to mention everything in the Intro in the body, as it's essentialy a summary of the body. Currently you're missing in the body that the event happened on Naboo.
 * Remember you can link to an article three times: Once in the intro, another in the introbox if its needed, and once in the rest of the body. Currently, there's many links that could be added in the non-intro body.
 * Throughout the article, could you try to focus more on the massacre, rather than Gallo. There's a bit of play by play in the Aftermath, so I think you could shorten it by removing the excess focus on Gallo.
 * "Gallo wandered through the forests of Naboo until he found the camp of Captain Marsune, a renegade Gungan known as the "Prince of Rogues", who agreed to trade the nerfs Gallo had found for the interrupted feast for several worker Glurrgs. Gallo took these Glurrgs and continued through the forests intending to find an appropiate area to make a settlement. On the way he encountered a small scout party belonging to Rogoe sent to make sure Gallo was dead. One of these Militiagungs revealed that Boss Rogoe had ordered the massacre as an attempt to kill Gallo and that he was the person controlling the war. Gallo told the militiagung to tell Rogoe that he was going to overthrow him and stop him from killing other Gungans." Here we have a lot of play by play focusing on Gallo. You should give the bare facts, like he raised an army to stop Rogoe after he learned that Rogoe was trying to kill him and was behind the war. I don't see how the Glurrgs are relevent here. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 16:24, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
 * Okay I've removed the Glurrgs from the aftermath section--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:25, July 24, 2012 (UTC)
 * It still is too play by play. Gallo did this, Gallo learned that. You should just say he helped create a settlement, and raised an army to take back the Sancture after he learned that Rogoe was out to get him. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 11:53, July 24, 2012 (UTC)
 * Okay I've shortened the section as much as I think i could so hopefully it's good now.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:33, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
 * "The bursas that had attacked the city too residence on the ruins and even created several nests." Whats this trying to say?
 * That's all for now. All users usualy have quite a few objections on their first nom, so don't panic or anything. Good Work, 501st  dogma ( talk ) 12:01, July 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Went through all of them and I'm pretty sure I've fixed everything. In the second last one too is meant to be took so it was just a typo.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:57, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
 * You don't need the see also thing at the bottom of the page. Those are already linked in the article, so it's fine as it is, and we usualy don't put that section in articles.
 * I had that there because it was recommended in the layout guide, If they're not used maybe the layout guide should changed--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * No status articles I've seen have had that section, so I think it's fine just to remove it.
 * It's been removed--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:55, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
 * The BtS needs to have info on each source it appeared it, not just the game. Context is needed for each source too, such as it's release date and author.
 * All of the info in the BtS section just comes from the game because it's what the player haas to do in the level. I'm not sure what you mean in the second sentence.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * It doesn't matter if there's no new info in the other sources, you still need to add them. For example, check the BtS here. Even though there's no new info for the ship in the CSWE, it's mentioned in the BtS. By the way, I looked in the Atlas, and the massacre itself is no mentioned, so that can be removed from the source list. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 11:38, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * I've put the encyclopedia in the BtS section. The Atlas is there as a source because it doesn't nescesarily mention the massacre but it gives the date of when the War of the Gungan Tribes happened.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 22:12, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
 * Sources are for things that mention the article's topic. The Atlas doesn't count, even if it gives the date. You can use the Atlas as a ref though, not a source. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 22:37, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
 * Context for Bursas in the article.
 * Done--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * Are they carnivourous? Dangerous?
 * I've put that in--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:55, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
 * In the intro you say Marsune helped him raise an army. Could you add that to the aftermath as well?
 * I actually reversed this because Marsune didn't agree to help Gallo until after the massacre so I figured he wasn't nescessary in the intro but he''s still worth mentioning in the aftermath anyway.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * Did he actualy help Gallo raise the army? If so, you could mention in the aftermath that Marsune helped Gallo. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 12:10, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * Marsune doesn't actually help Gallo until after the Battle of Otoh Sancture.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:55, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
 * Context for Nerfs?
 * Done--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * Context for the Guds?
 * Done--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * "The bursas began to destroy everything in Otoh Sancture, leaving no Gungans alive with them not even knowing why they were being attacked." The last bit is a bit awkward. Could you reword it?
 * Reworded--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * That's it for now, I'll do a final review later. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 13:53, July 25, 2012 (UTC)

Jangston

 * For now, please double check the canonical nature of the massacre's name. Since there is no 1stID present in the article, where did the name come from? If it's conjectural, meaning it's not from a source just a way to describe the massacre, then please insert the Conjecture tag in the article and fix your intro. As a way to accomplish this, you cannot say "The Massacre of Otoh...," but rather "A massacre took place" or something along those lines. Also, your source list needs expanding. I would thoroughly check to see if you have all sources, be it the Complete SW Encyclopedia, Galactic Backgrounds prima guides, ect.  JangFett  (Talk) 02:41, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for letting me know about the cannonical nature becuase that was actually present throughout the entire article so it was something I needed to fix.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:57, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
 * Code-8 did you check those sources? I hope you did not just place them in the article without looking. Please check to see if this massacre is mentioned in those guides. In the future, please be sure to thoroughly check sources prior to nomination. I would check entries for Gallo or anything related to the massacre.  JangFett  (Talk) 16:21, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
 * If you don't have the CSWE, you can ask if it had an entry here. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 16:27, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
 * The encyclopedia as a source checks out (use the above link provided by Dogma it's near the bottom). I'm waiting on another user to tell me what the Prima guide says. PS Thanks for the link, Dogma.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:55, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
 * The massacre is also discussed in the prima guide so that's all of the sources--Commander Code-8 (talk) 07:31, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

 * No one may care but I just thought I'd say that this was a stub about a month ago.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:57, July 23, 2012 (UTC)