Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Sapphire (smuggler)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Sapphire (smuggler)

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:38, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I've been wanting to nominate a strong, Rebel, female smuggler for a long time. But Roget Jiriss offers too much resistance...

(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:23, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:36, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Cylka  -talk- 05:17, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:02, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Assuming, of course, that the Appearances section is correct.  CC7567  (talk) 04:31, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *CC7567, is that you? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:36, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Xd's quick look
 * 2) * As with above, combine the intro's sections.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Could you also combine sections in the bio. It almost looks like a list right now.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * Xd1358 Talk 13:45, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) The Grand Master's first look
 * 8) * Bio contains significant info that can be mentioned in the intro.
 * 9) **Better, but there's still some shuffling of information that should be done. It now contains some extraneous info, and I'm still seeing some stuff in the bio that should be mentioned in the intro.
 * 10) ***2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:48, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) * I'm seeing some grammar issues throughout the article.
 * 12) **Better, but still seeing a few issues here. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:52, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:48, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *More to come. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:05, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:54, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) Soresu
 * 17) * Big one: You have conflicting birthdates between the P&T, infobox, and body.
 * 18) **Changed. I'm bad at BBY-ABY algebra :(
 * 19) ***Hang on. 19 BBY? That would mea that she's 20 or 21 depending on birth date by 22 BBY, but you say she's 22 in the P&T. By my count, she should be born in either 20 or 21 BBY, once again depending on birthdate. I think we had a discussion about birthdate assumptions awhile back, but I can't seems to find it. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:11, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ****Then, changed again. OS says she was 22 as of 2 ABY. Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:19, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) *****Lol just put an "or" in huh? 11:23, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * Unable to join the Academy, Sapphire turned to smuggling It could be made clearer why he was unable. Was it because she was too disgraced, because she was, law-wise, banned for her parent's crimes, or what?
 * 23) **OS doesn't specify; not changed.
 * 24) * Sapphire hoped to find Tizzin. You haven't established exactly why she wants to. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:19, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) **Motive added to 1st paragraph of bio. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:32, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) Stuff:
 * 27) * "During this time, she looked after Tizzin to get revenge on him for the death of her parents." Looked after? That implies that she cared for him while he was sick or something. Do you mean looked for, or something?
 * 28) **Yes. Changed.
 * 29) * In the intro, you say "...in an accident due to the incompetence of..." Could you change that to something like "due to an error by?" I feel that since you use similar phrasing in the body, it should be changed. Plus it seems to be a bit POV, or at the very least, just isn't the best wording to use in the intro.
 * 30) **Changed in both. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:46, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) *More to come, possibly.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:04, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) * "pretending to be a non-political smuggler" This doesn't flow well. Could you say "she pretended to be apathetic about politics" or something of that nature?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:47, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) **Changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 21:59, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) Cylka:
 * 35) * technology such as special shields that hid energy leaks. - Do you mean an energy signature? Shields that will make it difficult for her ship to show up on enemy radar? This is a bit unclear.
 * 36) **Modified: Power emanations that can be detected.
 * 37) * Why was she pretending to be apathetic about politics? What was the point?
 * 38) **Modified: She has secretly a member.
 * 39) * In the P/T can you try to fit in that one sentence paragraph into one of the other two paragraphs? A one sentence paragraph looks a bit off.
 * 40) **Modified.
 * 41) * Be careful of your linking. You want to link to the actual article and not a redirect. Other than that, nice work. Cylka  -talk- 05:19, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) **Double-checked and changed. Thank you. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:43, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) The Grand Master II
 * 44) * Please give her approximate birth date in the intro.
 * 45) **Added.
 * 46) * Any particular reason why she was unable to join the academy?
 * 47) **OS doesn't specify; not changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:58, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:16, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments