Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Droma


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Droma

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 03:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I do have a few questions that I hope you can help me out with:
 * Biography: Since it falls entirely within the sub-heading "Yuuzhan Vong War", should I just jettison said sub-heading entirely?
 * Sourcing: The thread at the JC forums with Kathy Tyers that I've sourced thrice appears as three separate sources. I do not know how to make it into one with a 10.0, 10.1, and a 10.2. Is it possible to do this with external links?
 * Scratch that, it's actually three different pages within the thread that are being linked to.
 * Powers and abilities: I didn't think it was necessary to add this section, as I have covered his talents within "Personality and traits". Let me know if I should split p & t up and include a p & a section.
 * Voice only: I included this next to The Final Prophecy in the appearances section, but I'm not sure if it's the proper disclaimer to use when a character only appears via comlink.
 * quotes: Is the article OK without any quotes? I have the one at the beginning, and I think that the article works better without any more. Let me know if you want me to add any.
 * Thanks so much! Now, have at me.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 02:34, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:38, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 07:58, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Very nice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:25, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Good work. Cylka  -talk- 20:51, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Nice job.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) --Eyrezer 04:55, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Jedi Council takes a quick glance:
 * 2) * Everything in the infobox needs to be referenced.
 * 3) * The "fate unknown" stuff at the end of the bio is a big no-no and needs to go.
 * 4) * As far as your first point above regarding the headings, yes, I would suggest eliminating the Yuuzhan Vong War heading.
 * 5) *I may give it a full review later. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:46, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Thanks so much for the advice. I have addressed all three points. Menkooroo 16:52, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***I apologize for butting in, but I feel I should let you know that you should never strike another person's objections. That person will strike their own objections when they feel that they have been adequately addressed. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 17:16, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ****Ah, wasn't aware. Thanks. Menkooroo 21:07, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *****I've struck them now. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:14, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Xicer
 * 11) * In the intro, context is needed for Han Solo. Also, who was attacking the Jubilee Wheel with the dread weapon?
 * 12) * First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) and Battle of Esfandia should be linked somewhere in the intro.
 * 13) * Context needed on Jubilee Wheel.
 * 14) * Context needed on the Yuuzhan Vong.
 * 15) * "He was part of a Caravan of Ryn ships heading from the Corporate Sector to the Plooriod Cluster when the Yuuzhan Vong entered the Ottega system and attacked Ithor. The Ryn were scattered, and Droma and several others ended up refugees aboard the Jubilee Wheel." Battle of Ithor (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked somewhere in here. Also, how were the Ryn scattered?
 * 16) * Context needed for Han in the body as well.
 * 17) * Context needed on the Peace Brigade.
 * 18) * Why did Droma want to go to Ralltiir?
 * 19) * Context needed on the Millennium Falcon.
 * 20) * Context needed on SELCORE.
 * 21) * First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked in the proper section in the body.
 * 22) * You seem to use "Ryn Network" and "Ryn network" interchangeably. Please choose one or the other.
 * 23) *Other than that, pretty good. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks so much for the thorough critique! I believe I've addressed everything there. Let me know if Han Solo needs any more context --- I think I have enough without going into detail of his and Roa's initial plan, but I don't think that that initial plan is relevant to Droma. With that said, you were right in that I didn't really have any context at all, so I've added a bit into both the intro and the body. And sorry about the redirects, too. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***I'd like to see it mentioned who exactly Han Solo is. Same goes for the Vong, at least mention that they're a group of extragalactic aliens. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 00:33, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Done. The Vong are referred to as an extragalactic race of religious zealots (a term taken right from their own article) in the body. In the intro, I've called Han "the famous pilot and ex-smuggler", and in the body, "the famous pilot and hero of the Rebellion". Menkooroo 02:20, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Why do you not have quotes? Do you just dislike them? I'm going to have to insist that you add one in for every subsection. It's unofficial policy, basically, and IMO, makes the article look better.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *Quotes have been added to every subsection of "Biography", "Personality and traits", and "Behind the scenes". Menkooroo 00:41, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Attack of the Clone
 * 30) *Please note that Ref tags are always used for infobox references to standardize the sizes. I've fixed this for you, but please keep it in mind for all future articles.
 * 31) *While some of these objections I would normally just fix myself to avoid taking up time under the unofficial clause, I feel that you would better learn from them by fixing them yourself. Some objections may just be notes that I feel you would benefit from, but they are still important to keep in mind.
 * 32) **I actually really appreciate this. I've learned a lot since writing this back in August, but admittedly, I've still a ways to go.
 * 33) * "Solo had been aboard with his friend Roa, who had been swallowed by the dread weapon; the unfortunate incident led to Solo becoming an unlikely ally of Droma in the ensuing chaos." Borderlines WP:NPOV here; also, please check the amount of detail in here with its location in the intro. Introductions should only contain what is absolutely necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the article's subject. That doesn't mean that the intro should only be a few sentences, but I'd recommend running a quick check yourself to make sure that the intro complies with these terms.
 * 34) **Jettisoned the sentence entirely. I think it looks much better now. Check it out.
 * 35) * Please get his species and gender in the body; it's info exclusive to the intro and infobox otherwise, which doesn't make much sense.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * For the image captioning issue (which I'm unsure if you're clear on): yes, this CT is a policy, and quoting directly from it: "punctuation of image captions is to be determined by whether a complete sentence is used." Please clarify your lack of caption punctuation in the article.
 * 38) **I think I finally understand this policy now. :^) Please check it out.
 * 39) * Please see if you can get the context in sentences such as "An injured Showolter bid Solo to hide Elan and Vergere, defectors from the Yuuzhan Vong. Showolter had been attacked by Vong agents whom he believed to be searching for them." into one sentence instead of creating another sentence for the context. As long as the merging doesn't create run-ons, it's better to avoid dropping details that borderline the level of relevance to the article's subject when not directly linked back to Droma himself.
 * 40) **Merged into one sentence. Thanks for the tip; I went through and did the same in a few other instances in the rest of the article.
 * 41) * "Droma was surprised to hear Solo's real name, but would claim that he likely hadn't heard of him before." Check your tense here, as it makes the chronology of events uncertain.
 * 42) **Take a look at it now.
 * 43) * "announcements were made over the ship's loudspeakers that the bridge was being assaulted by unknown raiders": even if it comes from IU sources, we generally tend to avoid using "unknown"s as much as possible so as to maintain an IU perspective; just because we don't know what the "unknown" is doesn't mean that IU characters don't know it, which is what it otherwise implies.
 * 44) **Sentence changed.
 * 45) * "Hoping to get rid of Solo, he bid him step into a drop shaft, which Solo survived by grabbing hold of Droma's tail." Coming out of a previous sentence with multiple masculine characters, who is "he" supposed to be referring to?
 * 46) **Sentence changed.
 * 47) * "However, in the midst of a battle, they found the shuttle drifting dead in space." Which "shuttle" are you referring to?
 * 48) **Sentence changed.
 * 49) * Who's the Fosh? I would recommend trying to leave species out as an option for alternate pronouns, as it often gets confusing. If you need to, you can simply use "Vergere" twice here; it's not entirely bad to use the same word twice in quick succession.
 * 50) **Sentence changed.
 * 51) *I'll stop here for now and give you the opportunity to check for and fix these issues in the rest of the article before I continue. Some other things that you should look for are underlinking and linking to redirects, both of which I've been fixing as I go but have noticed to be a slight issue.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) **Thanks so much for the thorough review. I've gone through the rest of the article as well and made some changes based on your suggestions, and as far as I know, there isn't any underlinking or redirecting. Let me know if I'm mistaken. Menkooroo 07:09, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) * "However, a power converter damaged in the firefight meant that they didn't have enough power to make it to Nar Shaddaa." If you can reword this without using "meant" and treating it almost like a definition of sorts, please do so.
 * 54) **Changed "meant" to "ensured".
 * 55) ***Now it sounds like the damage was intentionally inflicted. Changing it to something like "However, a power converter that had been damaged in the firefight left the ship without enough power to get to Nar Shaddaa" might work better here.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) ****Done.
 * 57) * "using passcodes from Solo's smuggling days that Droma claimed they had received from Shug Ninx on Nar Shaddaa": please check this; the subjects and verbs aren't really matching up here.
 * 58) **Reworded the series of sentences entirely. Take a look; I like it better now.
 * 59) * Please check your usage of "taken up" and clarify it; it doesn't appear to be a common idiom. Please also check your wording "pulled a blaster on Bow"; it's both colloquial and unclear.
 * 60) **Changed "taken up" to "joined", and "pulled" to "drew"
 * 61) *I'd recommend to continue to watch your linking; if you're in doubt if a subject has an article here, it's very easy to check for it. I'll continue with "Duro" as soon as I can, although the next few weeks are going to be a bit unkind to me.  CC7567  (talk) 06:35, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) **I read through the entire article, and added the following links: orbit, star cluster, warrior caste, entry ramp, realspace, species, cockpit, suicide, insect, capital, technician, slavery, First Mate, mercenary, weather control, transponder code, Duros High House, cantina, Jedi Knight, Esfandia Long-Range Communications Base, deflector shield, orbital bombardment, death, telekinesis, spacer, language, chitin, August. I also fixed two redirects that had gotten by me before. Menkooroo 13:00, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) * Which "Plooriod Cluster" are you referring to? There are two in the disambig article that you linked to.
 * 64) **Thanks for the notice. I checked his NEGTC entry, and it's the Lesser. Link corrected. Menkooroo 05:12, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) * "Droma and Jacen were aiding Solo in his efforts": check your tense here; it makes it sound like they joined Han at the same time instead of detailing Droma's "entrance" into contributing to the Solos' efforts.
 * 66) **Check it out now.
 * 67) ***"and Droma had later joined the Solos in their efforts": the tense is still flimsy here; you jump from saying that Droma "joined Solo and his son" to saying that he "later joined" them. Perhaps "was joining" in the second sentence might be better.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Still remains; not sure if you've seen this objection or not.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) *****Wow, I totally missed this one. I've changed it to "was aiding". Menkooroo 07:59, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) * "only to discover that it had been overrun by Fefze beetles": please clarify what "it" is supposed to refer to.
 * 71) **Changed "it" to "the settlement".
 * 72) * Context on Pride of Selonia, as well as which "Pride of Selonia" you're referring to.
 * 73) **Contextified, and redirect fixed. I didn't realize there were two.
 * 74) * "Solo was summoned by Droma while playing a game of sabacc at the Thorny Toe, and was interrogated by the Ryn, who remained hidden and spoke to Solo over speakers, not revealing his identity. A frustrated Solo prepared to leave Onadax, only to find Droma banging on the side of the Falcon and demanding to be let in. Surprised, Solo let his friend onboard before departing the planet." Could you try to rewrite this from Droma's perspective? It seems a little disoriented right now.
 * 75) **I think it's bettah now. Let me know what you think.
 * 76) * "Aboard the Falcon, Droma told Han, Leia, and Jedi Knight Jaina Solo that he had applied to be a part of the Ryn Network but had been rejected." "He" who? Please clarify this.
 * 77) **Changed the sentences around.
 * 78) * "Solo pledged them": who's them?
 * 79) **Clarified!
 * 80) * "it soon became apparent to the Falcon crew that they couldn't go anywhere": please rephrase to make the subject and pronouns match up better.
 * 81) **I think it's better now...
 * 82) * "Eniknar would later assuage any suspicions by sacrificing her life": please clarify how this is relevant and phrase it more clearly.
 * 83) **It probably wasn't relevant. I jettisoned it.
 * 84) * What are these "Tsik-Serus" of which you speak?
 * 85) **Changed it to "armed vehicles", but kept it linked to Tsik-Seru.
 * 86) * Please be consistent with your inconsistent usage of both "co-pilot" and "copilot."
 * 87) **I've settled on co-pilot.
 * 88) * "but later informed Solo of Droma's true role in the organization": how is this directly relevant to Droma at its current placement?
 * 89) **You're right. Removed some info and switched around the order of some sentences. Take a look.
 * 90) * "A short time later, while on Mon Calamari, Solo was commed by a member of the Ryn Network whom he believed to be Droma. The Ryn warned him of small, unpiloted drones that the Yuuzhan Vong had been developing. Although he didn't know what their function was, he did know that the Vong were excited about them, and suspected that they were dangerous. Before Solo could glean any more information, he found his comm unit dead." How is this relevant to Droma if it's not confirmed to be him? If it's unverified, the possible appearance should be outlined in the Bts, not the canon Bio.
 * 91) **I'm actually going to disagree with you there. The text of The Final Prophecy sees Solo recognize Droma's voice, and ask "Droma, is that you?" Although he doesn't get a straight answer, I believe the text directly refers to the speaker as "Droma" at least once. Unless there's a precedent on Wookieepedia for a situation like this that you can point me toward, I feel like this info should be in the bio. I see it as analogous to Anakin's possible Force-ghost in Traitor --- unconfirmed to be him, but it should still be in the bio. In fact, it was in the bio when Anakin's article was an FA.
 * 92) ***To be honest, an article's previous stint as an FA is no guarantee that it's now considered perfect or in compliance with all current policies&mdash;as Skywalker isn't an FA anymore, even less so. FA standards here have changed a lot since then. The book's exact wording really needs to be verified and the article adjusted, because the speculative wording remains in the Bio and leaves room for misinterpretation while the Appearances section still list it as a possible appearance. If it's a confirmed appearance and is detailed in the Bio, the Pos doesn't belong there, and vice versa if it's unconfirmed. If he's not directly verified to have appeared, I'm sorry, but speculation still does not belong in the canon section of articles and least of all in FA candidates.  CC7567  (talk) 05:25, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) ****Totally see what you're saying. Truthfully, I was the one who changed TFP to a "possible appearance", which was early in my project and before I had actually looked through the book... prior to that, it was listed as a definite appearance --- similarly, the article on TFP lists Droma as definitely appearing in it. If I jettisoned the "Possible Appearance", and removed speculative wording from the bio, what would you say? I know that FA Standards have changed a lot, but if Anakin were to be re-FA'd, I really feel like the Traitor bit would still be in the bio. But eh, that's just adding more speculation into the pot. :^P Menkooroo 05:33, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) *****While yes, the speculation still needs to be ousted, I'm not sure what you're interpreting from the text versus what is confirmed, as you currently sound like you don't have access to the book and haven't read it in a while. Without the book myself, I can't verify what the exact wording is, so I'm currently going off of your word on what the book says&mdash;as long as you can obtain that yourself. As I want you to be certain that the article no longer contains speculation, please check the book yourself (or ask someone who has it) to determine the facts and then clarify what's speculation and what isn't; from my own experience, neither memory nor others' interpretations in other articles are completely reliable. Only once you're certain of the facts and once the article has been adjusted accordingly can this matter be resolved.  CC7567  (talk) 06:44, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ******Yup, that's what I was planning to do --- check with someone who does have access to the book. Will report back. Menkooroo 07:15, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ******Yo! I checked with two different people, and I have confirmation that the text explicitly refers to the speaker as Droma. "Droma said" is specifically used. I've reworded the paragraph in question accordingly. Thanks again for all of your editing, and if you find anything else, definitely let me know. Cheers! Menkooroo 07:22, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) *******The perspective shift is still inappropriate here; please try to rewrite it as much as possible from Droma's point of view.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) ********You're right. Changed up. Menkooroo 04:45, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) * "Perhaps owing to his species' nomadic nature": please clarify the speculative wording.
 * 100) **Took it out entirely.
 * 101) * "It was Droma's partnership and empathy that helped Solo realize he couldn't run away from his loved ones or from his loss." Can you link this better to Droma himself? It sounds like it would belong in Solo's P&T otherwise.
 * 102) **Capping off a paragraph that focuses on Droma's relationship with Solo, I don't see how it doesn't fit --- it seems like it could be in either one of their P&t sections.
 * 103) * Please clarify the relevancy of the speculation on his namesake.
 * 104) **Well, I've done that by mentioning that Luceno based the Ryn off of Earth's Romany people. Unless you're talking about the Irish-Gaelic words --- if those are extraneous, I'll gladly remove them. I will, though, point to a precedent of an FA with speculation on name origins.
 * 105) **Unless you're wondering how "Droma" can come from "Drom"... I can link to the Droma Gypsy music festival, which derives its name from its venue, a bar called "Drom", if you want.
 * 106) ***Bypassing Jaina Solo (whose FA status is not really the most stable right now), I still don't believe that speculation in any form is appropriate to the article. Articles aren't for linking something to every single possible connection; that goes against only dealing with canon and confirmed facts&mdash;the latter of which is what Wookieepedia is for.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) ****Oh, I totally agree about Jaina's FA status. I've jettisoned the Irish-Gaelic stuff, and, with a bit more research, edited the Romany bit to be speculation-free. Even if it's not 100% confirmed that Droma was named for the Romany word "Droma", I'd say it's still a curious enough coincidence to warrant a mention. And besides, I've worded it so that only facts are presented. :^D
 * 108) *Other than that, that's all I have for now. I'll try to go through the article once more with you once you've fixed these, but a very good job for a first nomination nonetheless.  CC7567  (talk) 01:47, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) **Thanks so much for the thorough review and the kind words. And for the copyedits, too, although admittedly, some of what you changed seemed to be based on personal style rather than article quality. Much appreciated nonetheless. Menkooroo 05:11, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) * "Solo and Droma took the controls, leaving the station and entering a battlefield": where? How exactly did they get there? How close was it to the Wheel? Please give more context here if possible.
 * 111) * Why would the Erinnic chase off the Yuuzhan Vong weapon? (What were its allegiances?)
 * 112) * "with Solo stating that he did not hope to see the Ryn any time soon": specifically why?
 * 113) * Why was he traveling to Vortex?
 * 114) **It's the only place he can go with the meager amount of credits he has --- I've changed it to "with only enough credits to secure his passage as far as Vortex." Menkooroo 04:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) *Please note that the "Vong" abbreviation of "Yuuzhan Vong" isn't always factually correct. I've changed all I've found, but please make sure that all mentions are consistent for clarity.
 * 116) * "Desh realized who Elan and Vergere were before taking them into custody": "who" were they, then?
 * 117) * "However, in the midst of a battle": what battle? How did they get there?
 * 118) * "Droma took the controls again, but abandoned his post on a hunch and entered the rear hold, saving Solo's life in the process. Elan, actually a Yuuzhan Vong agent who had been assigned to poison and wipe out Luke Skywalker's Jedi Order, had battled Solo and committed suicide by swallowing her bo'tous poison, causing Solo to breathe some in. By opening the door to the rear hold, Droma gave Solo fresh air to breathe." The jumps in chronology make this a bit confusing; please try to make this smoother so that you don't have to shift back this much to give proper context of the situation.
 * 119) * Like the Erinnic, what are the Thurse allegiances? Why would it repel the YV warship? The context doesn't have to be extensive here but should be enough to avoid making it seem like ships just pop out of nowhere into the article's writing.
 * 120) *Right now, I think the main issue with the article is a slight lack of context; the events in the writing shift numerous times without enough clarity. Please fix these and look for these problems in the rest of the article before I continue with "Co-pilot of the Falcon" once more.  CC7567  (talk) 19:07, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **This whole FA thing is harder than I thought. :^D Thanks again for dedicating so much time and critique to this project. I believe I've addressed everything above. I've also searched for missing context and corrected it throughout the rest of the article; I'll hopefully now know how to better write FAN's in the future, and save Inquisitors time accordingly. Menkooroo 04:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * "As they prepared to depart the latter world for Sriluur": is it known why they were going to Sriluur?
 * 123) **Nah, the text doesn't say. They're probably following some clues, but it doesn't say for sure.
 * 124) * "Droma was forced into labor at a product enhancement facility, but was soon rescued by Solo, who was executing a plan hatched by Baffle." What was Baffle's plan? Is it even relevant?
 * 125) **It's relevant 'cause the text later mentions that Solo is doing a favor for Baffle as part of the plan. The plan involves rescuing Droma and reactivating the droids, both of which are explained as they happen later in the paragraph --- I think it's better that way, rather than mentioning those facts before they happen.
 * 126) ***I understand why the favor is relevant but do not understand why the plan is; Baffle helped Solo because of the favor he did him, not the plan that he executed. The article right now does not give any indication of what the plan was other than Solo's rescue of Droma, and even that is not directly verified. You can still say that Solo did Baffle a favor and Baffle in turn helped him and Droma without mentioning the plan.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 127) ****Mention of the plan jettisoned.
 * 128) * "Solo later told his wife that he figured he and Droma were about even, and asked her to locate a planet for the refugees where the Ryn wouldn't be treated like riffraff." How is this relevant to Droma? Please try to reword this.
 * 129) * "Although Solo was the official administrator, he admitted that Droma, along with the Ryn Mezza and Romany, had thought through most of the administration." Can this be reworded to better focus on Droma's own actions?
 * 130) * "Realizing that they were attracted to sources of light, Droma told Jacen to throw his lightsaber at the swarm. The two then left the settlement and returned to Gateway." Well, did Droma's idea work? The storyline doesn't seem to match up very well.
 * 131) * "Solo then boarded the Millenium Falcon and escorted the hauler, flown by Droma, through a raging space battle above the planet and to a jump point outside of Duros's orbit." Again, please rewrite this to focus more on Droma himself.
 * 132) * "He told the Solos that he had applied to be a part of the Ryn Network but had been rejected." Was he telling the truth or lying when he said so? Clarifying this might help make his exploits here clearer.
 * 133) * Did the Falcon land at all on Esfandia during its role in the battle there? It's a little unclear how Droma and the Solos appear to land and go with the Brrbrlpp, but it's never clarified.
 * 134) * "Ashpidar gave Droma and Leia a tour of the base, indicating that she believed a traitor to be in their midst." Did Ashpidar's tour itself "indicate" her suspicions of a traitor or did she indicate them during the tour? The current wording implies the former.
 * 135) * "but managed to bring an unconscious Jaina on Fel's speeder back to safety while Fel and Veila remained behind to cover his back": how did Jaina become unconscious? The context here shouldn't deter the flow of the writing but should be enough to help the reader understand the plot better.
 * 136) * Context on Chewbacca. Why did Solo have to overcome his loss of him?
 * 137) *Despite all of these little things that I've given you, the article nevertheless is very well-written and an admirable accomplishment for one's first FAN. Keep up the good work. On a different note, as I'm not that familiar with the source material, I'd recommend that you request someone more familiar with the NJO series to look at this as well to make sure that all the necessary detail is there. A possibility is, another Inq who is also very dedicated to the series; he can help you make sure that the article is clear as it can be with all the relevant info necessary. While I'm not sure what his current availability is on the Wook, it's worth inquiring to see if he can help you.  CC7567  (talk) 05:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) **Thanks for the kind words. I've addressed everything above; let me know if any of it could still be improved. Menkooroo 08:04, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 139) * "Droma believed that everyone lived for love, and would eat almost anything if it had the right spices." I don't see how this belief and this habit are at all related; linking the two seems ineffective at this point. Please try to reword.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 140) **Found a batter place for it! One paragraph up after a previous eating-related comment. Menkooroo 22:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 141) Cylka:
 * 142) * and the two pulled off the risky maneuver, although the Ryn had to snag Solo's body with his tail in the process. - Could you give this statement a bit more context? It just seems to be tacked onto the end of the sentence.
 * 143) **You're right, it does look kind of tacked on. I changed around the chronology completely; let me know what ya think.
 * 144) * lush world of green and purple forests - Is there any more information about this world such as it was unnamed, unexplored or unknown, etc.?
 * 145) **Unfortunately, no. I was pretty confused by the lack of info given in the narrative, too, but that's all that Luceno had to say about it.
 * 146) * The move caused Droma grievous pain, but Solo insisted that he wouldn't forget that the Ryn had just been saved. - Or should it read that the Ryn had just saved him?
 * 147) **Yeah, it should. Not sure how that happened. Thanks for the "snag".
 * 148) * thought through most of the administration - This sounds a little off to me. Maybe you could change it to "handled most of the administration work," or "resolved most of the administration issues," or something to that effect.
 * 149) **Changed to "handled most of the administrative work".
 * 150) * There were some minor POV issues that I changed, but please go through the article to see if I missed any.
 * 151) **No, you did great. Thanks for that.
 * 152) * I noticed that there were a few links missing and added them when necessary, but please check through the article again.
 * 153) **Thanks for that! I didn't even suspect "prisoner" or "meter". A few of what you added were already linked to, though --- C-3PO, droid, and Vortex were all mentioned and linked to previously. But thanks again for the copy-edit. I also changed "one hundred" back to "100", just 'cause it's a little-known fact that it's only proper to write out the word of a number if it's between zero and ninety-nine.
 * 154) ***Whoops! Goes to show why multiple copy-edits will hopefully catch everything :P
 * 155) *Nicely written article. Cylka  -talk- 10:31, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 156) **Thanks for the review! I'm off on vacation for a week tomorrow, so if there are any outstanding issues, I won't be able to get to them until next Monday or Tuesday. Cheers! Menkooroo 08:28, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 157) Eyrezer:
 * 158) * Just want to check this: "Plaan informed them of a contractor who was paying freelancers to transport refugees to planets that the Yuuzhan Vong planned to attack". To planets? As in some kind of plan to keep refugees a problem for the NR? --Eyrezer 03:47, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 159) **Reading a later section, I see that this is the case. --Eyrezer 04:16, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Comments


 * Just for future reference, "X-wing" is always spelled with a lowercase "w". Also, when linking please try to minimize the use of redirects. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * As for the "Powers and abilities" section, it is only used with Force-sensitive character articles. With all other characters, "Skills and abilities" is used instead, but general practice allows to cover the character's talents in "Personality and traits" too. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 21:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Awesome, thanks! Let me know if there are any problems with the Personality and traits section. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * This isn't an objection so I didn't want to place it under my review, but I was wondering if any images of Ryn in his cap could be found since it is stated that he favored wearing it. Cylka  -talk- 10:31, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nope, such an image doesn't exist. The seven of him used in the article are the only seven of him that exist. Menkooroo 08:28, February 13, 2010 (UTC)