Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Halle Dray

Halle Dray

 * Nominated by: ' Biggestleo ' 21:19, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First Artical nomination

Ecks Dee

 * Lacking linking.
 * Infobox-only facts.
 * Sentient species are capitalized.
 * Alphabetize your categories. 1358  (Talk)  21:29, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done, I think. ' Biggestleo ' 22:35, May 18, 2012 (UTC)

501st dogma

 * Context for Aldeeran. You might have to rephrase it to something like this to get the context in: "and a native of the planet Alderaan".
 * I think the intro needs to be expanded. Things to add include her death and the kidnapping of Organa.
 * Context for the Galactic Civil War in Bio.
 * Still remains.
 * Does it look better now? --' Biggestleo ' 03:12, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * io needs context for Shell. - one of the infobox facts Xd mentioned.
 * More to come. Don't despair, although this is your first nomination and you will be recieving lots of objections, everybody has that on their first nom. Good Work! 501st  dogma ( talk ) 21:33, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please also indicate here when you have completed someone's objection. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 21:59, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. --' Biggestleo '  22:06, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Link for Alderaanian faction.
 * From my understandings, there is no artical created about the faction. Also, in the book, it only said "the group" and it has no real name for it. So should I make an artical about it? --' Biggestleo ' 23:16, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Yes make an article, but use the template conjecture at the top. That means we made the name up, and the name's none canon, although the article is. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 23:50, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done.
 * Are there any better quotes that describe Dray's character more? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 23:00, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Well Halle Dray is a secondary character, but i'll try to find better quotes. --' Biggestleo ' 23:11, May 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * Looked over the book, all Dray says are hate words to the Organa Family so yeah nothing special. --' Biggestleo ' 02:20, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * Could you give context for Shell in the bio? All you would need to do is say "the young boy Shell" or something like that.
 * Done.
 * Please note that only in the infobox do you use . Otherwise, you can just use a normal reference. Also, after you use once, you should use  for any other references. Please change those things in the article.
 * Done.
 * You can do that in the info box too. Use in the info box after you have the full reference.
 * Done.
 * Bio needs to mention Death star destroying Alderaan. Maybe give some context to it too.
 * Done. ' Biggestleo ' 14:01, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * In Bio, please elaborate on the actions that brought the Empire there. JUst a little context, including here affiliation with the Rebels. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 12:17, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. ' Biggestleo ' 14:10, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * Could you state how Organa got Alderaan involved? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 14:43, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. ' Biggestleo ' 15:18, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * I'll look it over agian soon. Do you have all the info available for Dray in the article? Is there any more about her death? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 19:01, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * Yes, thats why I nominated it, right? Thanks for the review. ' Biggestleo ' 21:44, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * I'll try to upgrade the artical. Again, thanks for the review. ' Biggestleo ' 22:06, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * If there's no more info, don't try to stretch it. I'll continue my review tommorow probally. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 22:14, May 19, 2012 (UTC)
 * Add something to P&T about Dray not suspecting the Empire to betray them.
 * Done.
 * Now it reads Her leadership in the group contributed to disbanding the faction and getting most of the group killed, even though Dray not suspecting the Empire to betray them." The grammer is a bit off here, and the faction did not disband, it had more of a downfall.
 * Done.
 * "Dray fled Alderaan and went to Delaya, the third planet from the star Alderaan in the Alderaan system. It was the sister world of Alderaan before Alderaan was destroyed." In this sentence, you need to state why Dray fled. Also, you could probally remove some context, as you have quite a bit.
 * I'm not sure why Dray fled. As for the context, if I remove them, I might break an objection request.
 * In the intro you say she fled because of the destruction of Alderaan, so say that. As for the overcontexting, in this section of the sentence, "Delaya, the third planet from the star Alderaan in the Alderaan system. It was the sister world of Alderaan before Alderaan was destroyed." You can just say that Delya was the sister world in the Alderaanian system. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 20:21, May 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. ' Biggestleo ' (talk) 23:21, May 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Last two sentences of bio both of however in them. Eliminate one. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 17:40, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. ' Biggestleo ' (talk) 20:14, May 22, 2012 (UTC)

Exiled Jedi

 * Context on Delaya in the introduction and body.
 * Described Delaya in body. Just a question, does it need to be in the introduction?
 * No, just having in the body should be fine, but is the information you added from Rebel Force: Hostage. If not, you will need to source it to another source.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  16:04, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * Information about Delaya is in the book. ' Biggestleo ' (talk) 16:12, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * The Alderaanian faction article says that it is conjectural. If that it so, then you can't use it like a proper faction name in the article. You should say something like "a faction of Alderaanian refugees" or a "group of Alderaanian refugees".
 * So rename artical? ' Biggestleo ' (talk) 14:43, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * He means just changing how its stated in the Dray's article. eg, change Alderaanian faction to a group of Alderaanian refugees (Notice the pipelink). 501st  dogma ( talk ) 14:46, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * Oh, I see. Done.
 * There are still unlinked items in the article. Everything needs to be linked once in the introduction, once in the infobox, and once in the body of the article.
 * I'm not an expert at linking stuff, but I linked everything I could find. ' Biggestleo ' (talk) 15:15, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * [|Here] are the things that I fixed with the linking. Please take a look.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  16:04, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * So what now?
 * "Dray also had the gift of leadership..." Could reword this; currently this sounds a little strange and doesn't really reflect how she got almost her entire group killed.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  14:07, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. ' Biggestleo ' (talk) 14:57, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * I thinking that you could mention something saying how she was a leader of the people and that her leadership contributed to them dying.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  16:04, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done.
 * "With Organa with them, Dray and her followers contacted the Imperials and turned in Organa for the reward they had long hoped for." could you reword the start of this sentence to make it flow better. It might also be a good idea to combine this paragraph with the preivous one.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  16:04, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. ' Biggestleo ' (talk) 16:30, May 21, 2012 (UTC)