Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Dhagon Ghent


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(6 Inqs/2 User/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 05:23, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice job with the objections, Goodwood.  Greyman ( Talk ) 02:50, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Indubitably!  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:04, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Took care of the meatballs from the pasta bowl over the IRC.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:32, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Very nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:22, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 23:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) 100% Wookieepedia Dept. of Ataru certified.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:18, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Yay for redundant votes! --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 14:16, 16 March 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Grey of Man:
 * 2) * The homeworld is currently listed as "possibly Onderon". Is there a quote from the game that leads the player to assume this? If there is, it might be convenient to add an additional ref tag with the quote, and/or explain the reason that it's assumed Onderon is his homeworld. Like you know, it's been a long time since I've played the game, so I'm just curious what led to the "possibly" :)
 * 3) **Hmm. No, there really isn't. Dunno how that got in there, but have now removed it. We don't know where his homeworld is.
 * 4) * In the intro: "Having been seen in a heated argument with Captain Sullio, an officer in the Onderon military who had been a social companion of his for some time previously, he was detained as a suspect in her murder." To me, that's an awkward and long sentence. Would it be possible to have it broken up, or rewritten a little bit? I get what the sentence is trying to convey, but I think it could be clarified a little bit.
 * 5) **Hopefully that's better.
 * 6) * In the intro: "When the Jedi Exile visited Iziz during her quest to find the Jedi Masters who had originally exiled her..." When she traveled to Iziz, did she know which specific Master she was seeking? If so, it might be worthwhile to to say, When the Jedi Exile visited Izis in search of Jedi Master X&hellip;". Just a suggestion.
 * 7) **Should be better.
 * 8) * At the end of the article, you allude to the fact that it is believed that Ghent laid low after his encounter with the Exile, and later during the civil war. You might want to mention that, or something similar, at the end of the intro as well.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * From first paragraph of "Involvement with the Exile": "When the Jedi Exile, accompanied by Mandalore, arrived in Iziz while on the hunt for the Jedi Master Kavar, who was in hiding on that world, the Mandalorian leader informed her that Ghent was the key to securing a meeting with the former Jedi Council member." To me, it seems a little cluttered and left me re-reading small parts of it. Please attempt to break this up, and/or rewrite it so it's not jumping from point to point.
 * 11) **That should be a bit better.
 * 12) * In the above sentence, is the Mandalore you mention actually Canderous Ordo? (Remember, it's been a while since I've played the game :P) If so, a piped link would be nice, but changing Mandalore to Canderous Ordo would be preferred.
 * 13) **Yes it is. Changed "the Mandalorian leader" to "Ordo".
 * 14) * From the third paragraph of "Involvement with the Exile": "After learning this, Mandalore expressed his displeasure at the actions of his friend." You explain in the sentence before this the events surrounding Xaart, but a little clarification of why Mandalore was displeased should be present. Even something simple like a former Mando collaborating with the Republic, etc etc.
 * 15) **He doesn't really go into detail about why he's not happy with this, actually, but added an extrapolation anyway.
 * 16) * From the same paragraph as above: "Ghent was able to secure a meeting with Kavar for the Exile, which took place in the cantina he so often frequented." The name of the cantina would probably fit better, if available, me thinks.
 * 17) **The cantina in question is actually unnamed.
 * 18) * From the P&T: "he was often described as being the worst doctor that one could ever have the misfortune to be treated by." Starting at "as being", is this a direct quote? If it is, it needs to be italicized. If not, then you never saw this objection, so move along...move along.
 * 19) **No, it's not. :-)
 * 20) *Other than these minor things, it's a good read :) Greyman ( Talk ) 02:06, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks mate, it's been a project of mine since my earliest days on the Wook.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:39, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 23) * Last sentence of intro may be unnecessary. Also, his whereabouts were unknown to whom?
 * 24) **Nuked it.
 * 25) * Reword/repunctuate for clarity: "The reason for his detainment was based on a testimony taken from witnesses after the incident stating that he and Sullio had been involved in a heated argument together, immediately prior to the soldier's death."
 * 26) **Rewrote the sentence entirely.
 * 27) * Break up into two sentences: "After learing of Ghent's predicament, the pair gathered clues from the crime scene and interviewed various patrons at the cantina, which included Nikko, a Beast Rider named Panar, a slicer named Kiph, and the cantina's Bith owner, the Jedi Exile and her party were able to acquire the remains of a droid that had witnessed the murder of Sullio."
 * 28) **Busted up.
 * 29) * "in light of recent events" – You might as well mention the Purge in a short clause.
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * "presumably kept a low profile during the civil war that followed" – Again, unnecessary, and might be seen as speculative.
 * 32) **Nuked that clause. Had a bad feeling about it and the first objection anyway, so it's no big deal. :-)
 * 33) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:20, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) **Thanks mate.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:21, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) Toprawa:
 * 36) * Please reword one of these contacts. I might suggest political connections, if appropriate? "the political contacts necessary to arrange contact"
 * 37) **Fixed, thanks.
 * 38) * Not really an objection. Probably just my not understanding the game, but what is the difference between the main plot and the quest? "as he holds the key to finding one of the lost Jedi Masters as part of the main plot and quest"
 * 39) **In the case of this game, to speak of one is to speak of the other; the storyline of the game centers around the Exile attempting to come to grips with her past in order to fight the Sith, and that includes finding the Jedi Masters at Atris's behest -- in the dark side version this means tracking them down to seek revenge for her exile, while in the canonical light side plot she seeks them out in order to unite them against the Sith Triumvirate. If you wish more clarification, please let me know.
 * 40) ***Understood. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:22, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) *Well-written and clean. Nice job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:20, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) **Thank you sir.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:08, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) From the desk of you-know-who
 * 44) **Who, Voldemort?
 * 45) * Does Mandalore's comment always appear? If not, should it be moved to BTS or require the game mechanics template?
 * 46) **Only if you talk to Xaart, which is optional.
 * 47) * If there's any specific information not already included that the interviewed patrons give, please do so.
 * 48) **Included relevant info.
 * 49) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:54, 15 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) *It's been a great one so far, thanks. :-) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:26, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) The Xaart info should be presented chronologically, rather than the "after the fact" way it's done here. - Lord Hydronium 05:15, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) *Done.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 05:19, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) ** Still after the fact. If it's an event that took place the night of Sullio's murder, it should be told then, not retrospectively. - Lord Hydronium 05:22, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) ***That should be better.
 * 55) * "Mock verbal duels" info repeated twice in close succession.
 * 56) **Fixed.
 * 57) * "Arrested based on witness testimony stating that he and Sullio had been involved in a heated argument, the authorities assumed that the two hated each other enough to provide Ghent with a motive for killing her." You got a dangling participle problem here. - Lord Hydronium 05:25, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **I think I got it...if not, could you be more specific?-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 05:33, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) ***Dangling participle. That phrasing sounds like the authorities were arrested. If you want more help, I'm pleased to talk about it on IRC. :-)
 * 60) ****Reworded.
 * 61) * "After learning this, Mandalore expressed his displeasure at the actions of Ghent, who, as a former Mandalorian warrior, was helping the same Republic that they had fought against together." That's just an awkward sentence.
 * 62) **Reworded.
 * 63) * You got a broken link in your first section. - Lord Hydronium 05:40, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) **Fixed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 05:50, 16 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 21:24, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
 * A better infobox picture is OTW, as well as a shot of his office. -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 05:23, 9 March 2008 (UTC)