Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Jinx

Jinx

 * Nominated by: &mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 11:55, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Moved up from a failed comprehensive article nomination.

Support

 * 1) &mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 15:45, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

lolahsoka

 * First, you need to be careful when you're formatting. Already I see multiple mistakes in the article&mdash;missing infobox parameters, improper spacing between quotes and headings. Normally I would take care of this, but I would like you to see if you could find the mistakes yourself.
 * Might be done.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * I took care of the rest; please take a look at the changes I've made and be careful in the future.
 * Thank you.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:09, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
 * I am aware that Jinx said he's a Jedi or at least affiliated with them. The Jedi Order could go within the respective infobox parameter.
 * Added.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * "At some point during his training, he and two other trainees went on a mission, which resulted in the trio being captured by Trandoshan hunters." I am not seeing a good chronological transition between "At some point during his training" and "they were captured." Perhaps if you clarify what you mean by "At some point during his training," it would make better sense. What training? Also, you don't have to pipelink the two other kids in the sentence. See what you can do.
 * Addition of context achieved.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Who were the two trainnes? The pipelink doesn't quite make sense here. With context for the two, you could say "&mdash;blah and blah&mdash;" or something along those lines. The reason why want you to do this is because currently the intro is not in Jinx's pov. You're pretty much summarizing what happened in these episodes with saying "the younglings" or "Ahsoka." Please try to keep the pov on Jinx, and, if necessary, rewrite parts of the intro to keep the focus on him and not other events.
 * Changed some words.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 09:07, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Kalifa was killed in the attack, and Tano assumed command." Command of what? " They later intercepted an arriving Trandoshan slave ship, and freed its sole prisoner, the Wookiee Chewbacca." Who's "they"?
 * Fixed. About the "At some point during his training" objection, ther isn't really much I can do&mdash;the guides give no clue, nor do the three clone cards. Kalifa's card says that she had been stranded on Wasskah for "a long time", but that's POV.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:27, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * What's a "Wasskah"? Just saying it's a moon isn't sufficient context here; what is it a moon/satellite of, or rather what planet does it orbit?
 * Extra context supplied.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Especially in the intro, I would avoid the term "managed," due to it being a misunderstood word. Unless Jinx managed something like a store, I would avoid the term.
 * Changed.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * What's an Island four?
 * Information given.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * What does Ahsoka have to do anything with the group? You say she was dropped off, but then you said she boosted the confidence of Jinx and clan. Please clarify.
 * Expanded.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * This can go with my pipelinking objecting above. I'll get back to this once the previous objection is taken care of.
 * Throwing in Chewie in that sentence just makes it more difficult to understand. I see what you mean, but others who haven't seen this episode or don't give a crap for TCW might not know what you're talking about (if you can see what I mean). You're throwing in too many subjects into one convoluted sentence; you can break up the sentence and tweak it a bit.
 * Separated.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * "[...]and after Kalifa was killed by a hunter, they, together with the newly-arrived Chewbacca, assaulted the Trandoshan floating fortress. Although the attack nearly ended with their defeat, the tide was turned by the arrival of reinforcements led by General Tarfful." There are a few errors with this. Firstly, chronologically it's incorrect, and you are mentioning events that seem that are occurring one after the other, which is not correct as well. What you can do if separate these two clauses&mdash;Kalifa, Ahsoka's arrival, Chewie's arrival, Tarfful's arrival. Too much going on. Also, IIRC, Jinx wasn't even there when Kalifa was killed, so mentioning her shouldn't be included. Like I said before, the intro does read like a short summarized version of these two episodes. See what you can do.
 * Fixed, I think.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:09, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
 * I left Kalifa's death in, because it exerts an influence, but added more context on Jinx's actions during the attack.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:27, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * You could link the Skirmish on Wasskah somewhere in the intro and bio. See what you can do.
 * Done.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * So what happened after Tarrful appeared to save the day? Did they leave the moon and return to Coruscant? Give each other high fives?
 * Aftermath specified.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Still remains, this is for the intro. You could take care of this with the other intro issues above.
 * This is the best I can do. The episode only shows Tano being taken to Coruscant.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:09, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
 * Let me be these first to say, make sure you check the episode guide as well. :P I realize the episode guides are now meaningless/pointless compared to season one or two guides, but they might mention something. In this case, you're right at this point. Keep an eye out in the future just in case a source mentions what happens to Jinx after the battle.
 * The guide for "Wookiee Hunt" says: "Freed from captivity, Ahsoka returns to the Jedi Temple and is reunited with Anakin Skywalker." Nothing in the clone cards, either.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:27, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * That's why I said you are correct at this point, though keep an eye out in the future just in case something appears in a source.  JangFett  (Talk) 15:03, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * "At some point before the Battle of Yavin," Why do you think this is sticking out like a sore thumb? Saying around 21 BBY will be more than fine for this case, no need to go too extreme with that. Also, no ref note is required due to the events of the episode are not yet confirmed.
 * Changed to annualconfirmed date.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Same with the intro, more context on Wasskah
 * Per above.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * You can expand the bio a lot and describe, with more detail, of Jinx's glorious adventures on Wasskah, them meeting Ahsoka, them going to go ahead and fight the Trandoshans, them meeting Chewie and then that cave scene, them fighting with the Trandos before Tarfull appeared. At the moment, the bio reads like a quick, short summarized version of it, something that feels like it belongs in an intro. I am going to keep this objection up here, as it might be time consuming for you. If you need any help, please don't hesitate to ask.
 * Grand expansion done.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * I hope you don't mind but I'll be giving the bio another review after you take care of the intro issues. I see a couple of issues, mainly after when Ahsoka was dropped off, in the bio after a quick look during my copy-edit, but I will be pointing them out once you take care of these remaining objections. I don't want to throw too many objections at you all at once. :P
 * For your bio Island Four mentioning, you can mention that prior to any mentioning of Ahsoka. Since Jinx and clan were brought to Wasskah, they were dropped off on Island Four, as said in the intro, correct? Also more context on Island Four.
 * Done.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * "he team was initially hesitant to accept[2] the Togruta's[9] advocation of a more aggressive stance, but after the death of Kalifa, he and O-Mer began to rely on her[4] and became more confident, going as far as to attack their captors' base with the help of a new captive: Chewbacca[2] the Wookiee.[10]" I don't understand why you say they were hesitant to accept Ahsoka's aggressive behavior. Why not, so please clarify. Also, why after did they accept to go with Ahsoka after Kalifa died? Quite confusing at the moment. You could mention Chewie and the kids talking with the man in a totally different sentence. Even though Jinx doesn't do anything, he is still present in those scenes.
 * "Though overwhelmed by the fortress' defenders, the group was eventually rescued by warriors and bounty hunters led by[2] General Tarfful.[2][11]" You lack any sort of mentioning about their plan of attack, how they were going to do this, which is all mentioned in the episode. Again, even though Jinx doesn't do much, he is still present. You can write it in his point-of-view. Follow him in the episode and write what he and his team does in detail, albeit not play by play. Also what happened during the fight? Who are these warriors and bounty hunters?
 * Expanded.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm going to give the bio another look through later on
 * Per the brief information in his card, you can give him a short P&T.
 * "His optimism was crippled by the harsh conditions of Wasskah's jungle." What do you mean?
 * Clarified.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:27, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * What was he optimistic too? Also what caused him to change his viewpoint on the moon? You can give specific examples for the optimistic objection so it can be clearer.
 * You shouldn't merge the P&T with the powers and abilities section, if that is your intention. Separate them, or get rid of the power and abilities if there's no information available.
 * Removed P&A.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Your bts needs some tweaking. You can check out various other TCW GAs if you need help with this.
 * That's the article's Achilles' heel.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Still remains. :P
 * I checked the ep guides for both episode 21 and 22, but only his voice actor is mentioned. No other context in video commentaries and articles, either.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:09, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
 * If you looked at other TCW GAs, you will notice that they have air dates in them. :P Sorry, I should have been more specific.
 * Added air dates. Wow, they're the same :)!&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 08:49, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
 * Overall you need to double check to see if you have the required detail necessary for a character article such as this. Even though the guy doesn't do much, he is still present in multiple scenes. Again, please don't hesitate to ask if you need help. I am willing to take you step by step if you need help. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 14:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the detailed review.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:48, May 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * For right now, please give more information of Jinx's past. I realize their is not much, but his homeworld was stated in his card. This can go before anything else in the bio. Once these (plus the intro work) is taken care of, I'll continue on and give the bio another review.  JangFett  (Talk) 22:56, May 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Birth information added.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:09, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Kalifa, who had assumed the position of leading Jinx and O-Mer, chose a strategy of inactivity to avoid being revealed, even if this would cost the lives of other captives." What do you mean "chose a strategy of inactivity to avoid being revealed"? Who were they hiding from?
 * You need to be more specific when you're saying things like "they're taking a more aggressive stance," or something along those lines. Aggressive to what/whom, ect and why? "She joined Jinx and the team, and began advocating a more aggressive stance, which his companions were initially hesitant to accept due to Kalifa's strong opposition and the preceding death of a Padawan who had been acting similarly to Tano."
 * Specified.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 08:49, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Kalifa, however, eventually noted that they had been lacking strength and force, and they had now received it in the form of Tano." I have no idea what you mean by this, most specially in the "Form of Tano" clause.
 * Clarified.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:27, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * I think you could set up a better transition from the sentence above (the listed objection above) and "Jinx and the group decided that they would have to seek out the Trandoshan base as their first action." Right now, it feels disjointed. See what you can do.
 * Chronological detail added.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:27, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * Much better
 * While this isn't an objection, be careful with details that don't need to be included. This is Jinx's article, and the poi should be kept on him. This isn't an episode summary article.
 * Also, you still have some more remaining objections above.  JangFett  (Talk) 06:25, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * I hope this copy-edit of mine removed some, but I will give a more thorough edit to the article after I have anything other than the laptop I am now at.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:27, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * For the remaining unstruck objections, please leave a comment underneath them. It would be easier for me to see what has been addressed or not instead of me finding the changes within the article blindly. Good job so far, though. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 15:03, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * Can you find a new quote for the new subsection in the bio?
 * You can find images of Jinx within the episode. You can send JMAS a message through his talk page and request for images of Jinx. Normally you don't have to put images that are related to the text of the article (your Island four image) when there's images of the subject of the article available.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:31, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

Axinal

 * I believe the event in which the Trandoshans hunt their captives for sport is referred to as "The Hunt," but I don't think there's an article for that event. Mind making one?
 * Well, the only mention of this is a spoken line by Garnac&mdash;"Time to see who is smart enough to join the hunt."&mdash;and thus, we do not know whether this is the event's name or not.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 09:15, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * I see your point. I still think it's worthy of an article, but it's not of huge importance to the article to me.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 09:52, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * In the intro: "When O-Mer noticed the Trandoshan floating fortress peering out of the clouds, the team came under attack by two of the latters' hover pods." This sentence could use some rewording. The word "latters'" seems somehow out of place and unnecessary to me.
 * Reworded.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 09:15, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * In the bio: "During the course of the mission, Jinx and the group was abducted [...]" Subject-verb disagreement here, as "Jinx and the group" is plural; I'd sofixit, except that there are multiple ways of doing so.
 * "[...] the preceding death of a Padawan who had been acting similarly to Tano." I think this unidentified Padawan may be worthy of his or her own article, as well.
 * Done, wip.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 09:15, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * "The next morning, the younglings noticed the Trandoshan floating fortress appear out of the clouds by accident." It may just be me, but I think there's some ambiguity here. Did the floating fortress appear by accident, or did the younglings notice it by accident?
 * Removed ambiguity.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 09:15, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * In the P&T: "He was originally optimistic, but he lost it due to the the conditions on Wasskah." It's clear to me that "it" refers to his optimism, but because you use the adjective "optimistic" rather than the noun, the "it" doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
 * Solved by breaking the sentence's neck.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 09:15, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * In the BTS: "Jinx first appeared in "Padawan Lost," the twenty-first episode of the third season of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars television series, and also appeared in the following episode, "Wookiee Hunt"." The placement of the punctuation in relation to the episodes' quotes is currently inconsistent. IMHO, the punctuation belongs outside the quotes, because the episode is obviously not called "Padawan Lost,". However, as I seem to be one of few Wookieepedians with that viewpoint, whichever way you would like to do it would be fine with me.
 * Yeah, it's fine if it's inside.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:55, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
 * It's the inconsistency I'm worried about at the moment; "Padawan Lost" has the comma inside the quotes, but "Wookiee Hunt" has the period outside the quotes. Like I said, I'm willing to go either way, as long as it's consistent within the article.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 09:52, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * Comma replaced.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:02, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * WP:MOS&hellip; "Per standards of American English, double quotation marks (" ") should be used and the period (full stop), comma, question and exclamation marks should be within the quotation." 1358  (Talk)  15:46, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * Done. Thanks for the clarification.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 15:52, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * I don't see Skirmish on Wasskah linked anywhere in the bio. Could you perhaps add that somewhere?
 * Aside from my and JangFett's objections, the article is looking very good, and I'm highly impressed with the significant changes that you have made to the article since its original CA nomination. Keep up the good work.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 21:32, June 5, 2011 (UTC)
 * Solved with some subsectioning.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 09:15, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * Also, I think the article is long enough to merit at least one additional picture within the bio somewhere.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 09:52, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * Done. Thanks for the review and the kind words!&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:02, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * No problem, nice work.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 15:45, June 6, 2011 (UTC)