Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Corran Horn

 * Nominated by: Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it.

(2 Inq/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 20:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Great.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:05, 19 June 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Imperialles's objections:
 * 2) * Image:BattleofThyferra-crop.jpg's infobox lacks some fields.
 * 3) *I'll put Image:ScreenShot0153.JPG on my to-do list (not an objection).
 * Image:Corran Horn 4.jpg is sort of distorted. Possible to remedy at all?
 * 1) **Replaced with Image:Njo Corran.png. -- Ozzel 06:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nice work. --Imperialles 15:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 1 of 4)
 * First off, a comment. This is certainly one of the largest undertakings I have ever done on the Wook - reading this article, I mean. In fact, in order to even think of such a thing, I had to go off and print the content of the article (barring pictures and templates). At 8pt font, 0.12" margins (save for a 2" margin on the right), and with images and templates culled, I was able to squeeze the entire article into a convenient 40-page document, suitable for printing. Without modifications, the entire article is 111 pages long. 111. I must say that I am entirely impressed. And, all that to say... Inqs who are looking at this article and saying "Damn", I suggest that you do what I did, and print out the article, be it in small chunks or as a whole thing. In paper form, it's a whole lot easier to concentrate and make notations than on a computer screen. In fact, it only took me about an hour to read through 10 pages of my 40-page doc.
 * TL;DR version: Print out the damn article and review it already, Inqs. It's not that hard to read. :P
 * Secondly, another comment. I realize that, as I'm not an Inq, my vote really has no weight in this matter. That being said, I really wanted to review this article. Not because I'm looking for a way to push into the Inq-ing status, not because I feel like messing with Havac, but because I know (from personal experience) that an FAN that has nothing happening to it is worse to have running than an FAN with objections and the like, showing that it's not catatonic. Nothing is worse than having a stale FAN sitting for weeks on end without people even making an effort. Hence, my objection list is as follows (note that this is part 1 of 4. Article's long!):
 * 1) *INTRO
 * 2) ** Second paragraph, latter part. Make sure that you make the point that, after the Bacta Wars, Rogue Squadron reformed. As it stands now, you have "led Rogue Squadron in resigning", followed by "continued his career in Rogue Squadron"... without any mention of Rogue Squadron actually reforming.
 * 3) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 4) **Formative years
 * 5) *** Second paragraph, last sentence: Where does it come from? It doesn't seem to fit within the paragraph it's attached to.
 * 6) **Capturing Zekka Thyne
 * 7) *** I've noticed this throughout all of the scenes where Corran and Hal are working together: You use a lot of "Horn" where either Corran or Hal could be placed. For example, look at paragraph 3, first sentence: "Horn headed to the freighter, the Hopskip, with the others..." The reader isn't entirely sure which Horn you're talking about, until later in the paragraph. As I said before, this seems to be pretty prevalent throughout the father/son scenes. Is it possible to persuade you to use first names for clarification's sake?
 * 8) ****Alright, the explanation works. Stricken.
 * 9) **Living with loss
 * 10) *** Second "paragraph" (yeah, the one with two sentences) - any chance you can expand this, or group it together with a relevant thought? As it stands, it's pretty much just floating there.
 * 11) *** More instances of "Corran/Hal Horn" - which one is it, etc.
 * 12) *** Third paragraph, 4th sentence (ref'd [8]): "Morose and constantly reliving the past, Horn was only brought back to the present when Wessiri and Bastra got him into a cantina brawl, helping him focus himself on living his life now." - The now at the end of this sentence just feels too... present-tense. Perhaps a change to "in the present", or something similar?
 * 13) **Becoming a Rogue
 * 14) *** Rephrase first paragraph, last sentence. The use of the semicolon there just doesn't feel right. My suggestion is to remove the semicolon, and put a small phrase, "due to his thoughts on", or something to that extent.
 * 15) **Activation
 * 16) *** 4th paragraph, 4th sentence; the "shred" here feels informal. Can I get a more formal description of the Lancer's abilities?
 * 17) **Readying to strike
 * 18) *** Paragraph 4, Last Sentence: Has "Black Sunners" ever been used IU? If not, I'd prefer a "Black Sun members", or something to that extent.
 * 19) ****Intriguing.
 * 20) *Aaaaand... that's it! (Part 1). I went through and touched some things up myself. Very good read, very long read, but very well done. I'm impressed, jealous, angry, frustrated, proud, and happy, all at once, after reading through this article. Once again, excellent job Havac. 07:25, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks to his notes on my talk page, all of Part 1 is resolved. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the Red Book of Chack Jadson:
 * 23) *Right now, I'm only on Becoming a Rogue, but I'll get more done soon. Anyway, here's what I've got at this point.
 * 24) * Link the battles in the intro; there are several that could have links.
 * 25) * The prose in the first paragraph of drifting into danger is kind of dull.
 * 26) * You use the term cover identities twice in the first sentence of on the run.
 * 27) * The first two sentences of the last paragraph of on the run are also somewhat dull.
 * 28) *Ramble on.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:57, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * In Captivity: "The guard struck Horn with his blaster, and Horn retaliated by reflexively throwing his bucket of gravel into the guard." (Use Ctl+F) The bucket part isn’t needed, IMO.
 * 30) * In the last sentence of this section, you mention there Dlarit escaped. I’d add something along the lines of, now revealed as a traitor.
 * 31) * "Almost all the rest of Rogue Squadron followed suit." Who didn’t? I thought they all did, but I’m likely wrong.
 * 32) * "In 19 ABY, Horn, by then promoted to the rank of commander, and the rest of the Rogues were attached to General Bel Iblis, and were on Morishim when an Imperial corvette, followed by an Imperial Star Destroyer, entered the system." This sentence should be split into two.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:43, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 2 of 4)
 * Yes, me again. Don't worry, not as long a listing as the last one, I promise. Just an aside to Havac: When/if you have addressed objections, or if you need to ask a question on one of them, please use my talk page. I pay more attention there (and I realize you're stuck in the IP mode again).
 * Onto the objections!
 * 1) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 2) **The Bacta War
 * 3) *** Last paragraph, 5th sentence: Reads really awkwardly, almost to the point of run-on.
 * 4) ****Nice job.
 * 5) **Battling Zsinj
 * 6) *** Third paragraph, last sentence: Whose archenemy, Corran's or Zsinj's? From information presented earlier in the article, this feels ambiguous.
 * 7) ****Explanation makes sense. Just glad you elaborated on the reasons.
 * 8) *** Ninth paragraph, 3rd sentence: You just "drop" a mention to Fel in here, without a link or any previous explanation of just who Fel is.
 * 9) ****Cool.
 * 10) **The return of Isard
 * 11) *** Minor note, not an objection: I reworded the end of the 6th paragraph and the start of the 7th to read slightly better (in my opinion). Feel free to change it back if you don't agree.
 * 12) ****Ugh, that's... bad. Thanks for the revert.
 * 13) **Becoming a Jedi
 * 14) ***First sentence, 4th sentence, end of sentence: It may just be me, but the line "...Tavira was travelling with enforcers who might be Force-sensitives." feels almost-present-tense. Please reword.
 * 15) ****Obviously, just me, based on the information you presented.
 * 16) *And part 2 is done. Much less than last time. I went ahead and touched up some things in Corran's article too. 04:52, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **All objections from Review, Part 2 are satisfied, although I am slightly confused as to the reversion of many of my other edits as well. Just wondering. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) Not an actual review:
 * 19) * "''Horn served as a Jedi instructor, training his two children, Valin and Jysella, before the Yuuzhan Vong War broke out. Horn served a vital role in it, defeating Shedao Shai&hellip;" This, particularly the "it," seems a bit off to me.
 * 20) * No mention is made that Horn helped hunt down Jedi during his time with CorSec, which is clearly stated in Horn's Fact File.
 * 21) **I will probably review at least some of this article at some point. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Technically, now you haven't voted for it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:26, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Wow Havoc... and I thought it had gotten pretty long back when I was working on this... you blew that away, AND more or less re-did the entire article AND re-wrote it a lot better than my version. Anyways, while I'm probably not gonna be able to do much for at least a month until school gets out, just a couple quick things I noticed:
 * 1) Some of the section titles strike me as a bit unencyclopedic. For instance, "Supply run gone wrong" might want to be replaced by something like "Battle of Yag'Dhul" or "Return to Yag-prime," and "Drifting into danger" might want to be replaced with something like "Leaving CorSec." There are also some border-line section titles (Rogue rookie, Reign of terror)
 * 2) It could use some more pictures, especially in the the parts on Rogue Squadron and I, Jedi. That being said, having worked to this article before, I know there aren't a lot of pictures from that time of his life, so if you can't add any without making it seem really forced, that's fine.
 * 3) The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.

Other than that, great Job!!!

Tamizander Rey

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,251 words. Definitely didn't imagine this thing would ever see the FAN page.

(6 Inqs/2 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Part of a great series on ESB and ROTJ tertiary characters.  Graestan ( Talk ) 20:19, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:09, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Ozzel 06:35, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Darth Newdar 07:12, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 12:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Excellent, excellent. Thefourdotelipsis 05:46, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) May noms in July?? Get this off the FAN page!  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:35, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) * "After joining the Rebellion, he served at the secret Echo Base on the Outer Rim Territories ice planet Hoth by 3 ABY as the facility's senior deck officer, responsible for overseeing all docking bay operations." - I'm not sure if there's some punctuation missing here, but the sentence feels like a bit of a run-on. "When Rey attempted to direct Solo to the command center, the smuggler was more interested in the condition of his freighter, the Millennium Falcon, upset to discover, as he learned from Rey, that base technicians were pulled away from working on the ship to address the more dire needs of the snowspeeders." - Same thing here. It's too long, too hard to follow. I may be a simpleton, but there's gotta be other ones out there. Thefourdotelipsis 07:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Broke up both into two sentences. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:20, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 4) * Not to cite the "Big Book of Everything That I Just Lost", but I vaguely recall Solo not wanting anyone working on his ship . . . I'll see if I can find that reference; if I can't, I'll strike this.
 * 5) * Search for Skywalker . . . has some very short paragraphs. Could those be combined at all?
 * 6) **I could combine the second and third paragraphs, I guess, since they're kind of connected by the Battle of Hoth. As short as they are, I'd still rather leave them separated since they're all separate ideas. If that works for you, go ahead and combine those two. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:15, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * "As Echo Base's senior deck officer, he suggested to the base's command staff that no ship be allowed to leave Hoth until the shield generator was activated despite the resulting flak he received from non-partisan pilots delivering supplies." This is not only the third time this phrase is used, but I'm not catching the incredible relevance to his P&T, unless you're trying to say that he did what he needed to do no matter what anyone thought and are leaving the reader to infer that.
 * 8) **I've reworded and tweaked the bio and P/T instances. Let me know if that works. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:15, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Oops, and meant to say that I included it with the implied inference that he made the suggestion as part of his dutiful nature (in accordance with his chafing with Solo and continuing to oversee transport evacuations even after being injured), despite likely knowing he would be trapping people on the planet. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:17, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *These aren't the most concrete of objections; the article is fairly clean mostly because there's not much there. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:29, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **I appreciate both reviews and apologize for the delay in addressing them. Once I have some spare time, I'll get to them. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:36, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) The phrase "which earned Rey the ire of many non-Rebel pilots" appears two times. Could you perhaps reword one of them? -- Ozzel 06:35, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Yeah, I totally didn't read Ataru's first... although that third one didn't bother me as much since it was at least worded differently. -- Ozzel 06:40, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Crappy picture, I'm well aware. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * De-crapified now&hellip;well, somewhat :) I rescanned the picture from the original playing card, managing to get his whole head in it, unlike the previous copy. Likewise, I was able to clean it up a bit and mostly get rid of the distortion which is noticeable on the picture when you blow it up from the original tiny size. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks, Grey. Hopefully it passes inspection. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:54, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * A screenshot from the film of Rey and Solo arguing would be good, I think. I'll try and get one, but chances are it'll have to be replaced by Culator. Thefourdotelipsis 07:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll second that suggestion. -- Ozzel 06:37, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Sure, that would be a great idea. If you can grab it, thanks. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:07, 22 June 2008 (UTC)

Cay Qel-Droma

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk)
 * Nomination comments: My first WP:TOTJ article.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done Mr. Jadson. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:11, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:41, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 09:28, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:14, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan ( Talk ) 13:08, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Minor:For the Great Sith War section, I'd add another image, so as to balance them out. I would've said just to move the next image (Ulicqeldromaversuscay.JPG) to the left, but that will displace the section header. If you need a good one to add, you know where to get'em!;) I'd use this one (Cayqel-dromaHS.jpg), since it actually is the image that corresponds with the section quote. Up to you though.
 * 3) **Funnily enough, I thought about adding another image there but decided against it. Anyway, added one.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Also, I would change the image (Image:Cay qel droma.jpg) for the "First mission" section, only because it depicts Cay with his prosthesis, which he didn't have yet at that point in the story.
 * 5) **Wow, I thought about that too, but decided not to change it. Replaced that image now though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:39, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *** I'll find you a good one, one that depicts him pre-prosthesis ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:17, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * The "Born" field in the infobox is not sourced...I'd do it, if I knew. Also, just as a suggestion, you might want to merge some paragraphs, as the small, two or three sentence ones don't particularly look neat in the context of the greater article. Thefourdotelipsis 11:12, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Fixed, on both counts.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:49, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Grass clippings:
 * 10) * Not so sure how I feel about calling the Qel-Dromas a "warrior family." Is this phrase established anywhere in canon?
 * 11) **No. Changed.
 * 12) * A little more context for the Naddist Uprising in the intro is needed.
 * 13) **Got it.
 * 14) * The Great Sith War portion of the intro needs a bit of expansion, summarizing the events in a little more detail than is there, Kun needs some context, as does Cay's showdown with Ulic. Pretty much anything Cay took part in should be mentioned, at least.
 * 15) **I added what's there; he really doesn't do much in the GSW.
 * 16) * Third paragraph of "First mission" is very play-by-play. I suggest rewording, toning it down a bit.
 * 17) **How is it now?
 * 18) ***Much better. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Oron Kira was not the Beast Riders' chief at the time of his wedding.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) * Calling Nadd "powerful" is POV.
 * 22) **But he was... Fixed.
 * 23) ***Doesn't matter. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Ulic and Galia were forced to flee, however, Arca was now a captive of Ommin and the Sith spirit Nadd." – This reads a bit awkwardly, and could use a rewording.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Led by Nomi Sunrider, and her Battle Meditation," – This should be restructured a bit, so that the battle meditation is not part of the subject.
 * 27) **Changed.
 * 28) * Reword this less awkwardly: "Ulic was wounded by a piece of slag from a Chaos fighter, a piece covered in Sith magic from the duo's malicious abilities."
 * 29) **Altered.
 * 30) * I think the Conclave was about a bit more than the loss at one battle.
 * 31) **Added details about its purpose.
 * 32) * This in particular is a bit unwieldy: "A pain was carried in the Force, striking all Jedi."
 * 33) **Changed.
 * 34) * Also, please explain a bit better why Exar Kun let out the Force cry. It sounds like a malicious act as is.
 * 35) **Added some clarification.
 * 36) * The servant droids weren't Krath droids, but reprogrammed normal ones.
 * 37) **But they were modified by the Krath to kill Jedi, so I think calling them modified battle droids is okay.
 * 38) ***They weren't physically modified at all, per sources. Only the programming, hence only Cay noticed the difference. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Fixed.
 * 40) * Rather than an after-the-fact aside, mention Cay's suspicions about the droids when it happens.
 * 41) **Cay. (Sorry, had to make that pun).
 * 42) * Calling Arca's death "a grievous blow" is POVish.
 * 43) **Fixed.
 * 44) * Please establish Ulic and Nomi as lovers before offhand references to them as such.
 * 45) **did so.
 * 46) * I'm not too thrilled with this statement: "He was no longer the brother Cay loved."
 * 47) **Better?
 * 48) * Some of Ulic's prideful proclamations at his trial should be mentioned.
 * 49) **Fixed.
 * 50) * The details of the Battle of Kemplex IX are a bit hazy. Referring to the ship ripping the stellar core out, for instance. Please revisit this paragraph.
 * 51) **Sorry if I'm being thick, but could you explain how it's hazy?
 * 52) ***I'd just explain it in a bit more concise detail, clarifying who did what and so forth. Also, there is a typo in there for you to get while you have the section open. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Not sure of the exact meaning of "one of the galaxy's most prolific Jedi Knights," but I am sure it's POV.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) * A bit more detail about his mechanical aptitude in both the P&T and P&A would be nice. For instance, his insistence on tinkering instead of listening to Arca's lectures, etc. Please go over the source material once more.
 * 56) **Added some.
 * 57) ***"Cay also loved working with machines" is the tip of the iceberg. There's plenty to be said about Cay; this is the key factor in the character's personality. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * BtS needs a lot of retooling. Inaccurate statements. Also, something from Greyman's Veitch and Anderson interviews could surely be used.
 * 59) **What is inaccurate? I'll go over the interviews again too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:42, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) ***Honestly, you really should go into detail about his appearances, and how he appeared in each. This is an extremely bare-bones BtS so far; there has to be more to find. For instance, that Ulic and not Cay was introduced in DE, and that Cay was added on only later. Search for Veitch stuff, as it's likely he has something to say about the series or the character somewhere. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ****Believe it or not, I found nothing relevant to add. Added a bit about his role and that he was not created in DE.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:12, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *****Seriously? Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Graestan ( Talk ) 18:33, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) Toprawa:
 * 65) *Please consider this my preliminary copy-edit objection(s): I'm already seeing you're missing the Star Wars Encyclopedia and Star Wars: Behind the Magic in your source list, and quite possibly small tidbits of new info from one or both. Please add them to the list in correct order and check for new info. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:54, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) **Not an objection, but in response to Grae's concern above, SWE does indeed refer to the Qel-Droma's as a "great warrior family." Just throwing that out there. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) * The audio dramas need to be listed in the appearances list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:49, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * Can we link anything to his "mother"?
 * 69) **Yes, in fact.
 * 70) * Can we link anything to this power? "with Doneeta's ability to speak beast-languages,"
 * 71) **Yep.
 * 72) * Again, no link for this? If not, please create an appropriate red link: "interrupting the wedding between Galia and the Beast Riders' second-in-command, Oron Kira"
 * 73) **Linky.
 * 74) * Please pipelink the appropriate year into here: "Kira explained that four hundred years before"
 * 75) **It's an approximation, so there's no exact date.
 * 76) * The picture of him tinkering with a droid on Arkania seems very disjointed to the accompanying section, since no mention of anything similar to that is ever mentioned. Can you find a better picture of him in training, or otherwise supplement it with some kind of description?
 * 77) **Tried to give it better relation to the stuff at hand.
 * 78) * This needs some kind of better description accompanying it for context: "Distracted by the perpetual night"
 * 79) **New description in.
 * 80) * You alternate between using periods on your image captions and not doing so. I really don't care what you go with, but choose one and stick with it
 * 81) **Silly of me.
 * 82) * We can't link anything to this dark side energy? "Struck by a blast of dark side energy"
 * 83) **I'll keep looking but it appears I will have to create an article. Because it's a comic, it could be intended to be another actual power, and coloring throws it off. I dunno.
 * 84) * I would like to see this better explained that Nadd's spirit was alive and well, and very much participating in all of this. This description is kind of weak: "Ommin, using the power of Freedon Nadd,"
 * 85) **Changed.
 * 86) * At the very least, some kind of red link should be created for this battle: "a battle was raging for Koros Major"
 * 87) **There is a battle, and it's an FA.
 * 88) * This needs some greater contextualizing. What service droids? "noticed that the servant droids were acting strange, but he dismissed this feeling."
 * 89) **Droids serving the Jedi.
 * 90) * Some calendrical context for this revolution, please: "Using methods learned during the Great Droid Revolution"
 * 91) **Got it.
 * 92) * What, specifically, does this have to do with Cay? If this can't be reworded to read from Qel-Droma's perspective, it should be removed, due to extraneousness: "However, due to bugs in the fighter, Diath was unable to respond in time during a test run, and his fighter slammed into a rock. The Jedi believed Diath had perished, but were thrilled to find out he had evacuated in time to avoid death."
 * 93) **Removed.
 * 94) ***Added a wee bit to keep the idea. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 95) * I'm troubled by these huge paragraphs that don't mention Cay Qel-Droma in the very least. I can understand the surrounding actions concern him, but these details need to be trimmed down to the barest of essentials while making sure you do what you can to show it strictly from the perspective of Cay. Specifically, I'm looking at the paragraph beginning "Shortly after this..." Please cut it down.
 * 96) **You mean about the star explosion. Tried to cut it down.
 * 97) ***Much better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) * According to the Cay's Dream article, there seems to be some info on what was done with Cay's body after dying that I don't see here
 * 99) **Added.
 * 100) * The last bits of the Power and abilities section, starting about how he frequently repaired droids, etc., should really be in his P&T unless you can link these skills to the Force somehow
 * 101) **Most of it is. I kept some because it says he was talented, which is obviously a skill.
 * 102) *You could probably add a little bit how he used a green lightsaber, maybe, in his P/T.
 * 103) **He may change lightsabers a few times. In the comic, he definitely has a green lightsaber. Then he has a blue one the same color as Nomi's (which is shown a few pages earlier to be green) and later he has a blue one. However, it likely is just coloring errors or simplicity, but I think that's too much of an assumption.
 * 104) ***At the very least, then, that sounds like pertinent BTS info, whether or not it is truly a mistake. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) ***I would probably also recommend adding a picture of him using the blue saber to the BTS. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:39, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) ****I added something to the BTS. May need a little tweaking. Tell me if you think it's worth keeping, and I'll put in a picture.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please order the source list by correct OOU publication date
 * 108) **Couldn't remember how we ordered it. Fixed, now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:08, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) *I'll leave the SWE entry on your talk page. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:52, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) *I'm told you're also missing some substantial info from the TOTJ Companion, which would be added to the "Early life" section. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) **Added. Much of it was personality stuff.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Indeed, Mr. Jadson, this article has come a long way! It's been polished nicely from the nonsense that it was before you stepped on the scene. I'm glad to be working on this project with you ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 16:19, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The reason everyone is referred to by first name is that that's how it's done in the comic.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Thanks for the reviews guys.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:09, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Wraith Squadron

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also working on redlinks, me.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Ah, I see. Pesky periods popped. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From Greyman:
 * 7) * In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters&hellip;". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
 * 8) **Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
 * 11) **I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Looks much better. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Ref punctuation errors galore! Refs with no spaces after them before the next sentence, refs before commas, and, worst of all, multiple instances of refs with commas on both sides. (Ew!) As one might say: "A rather sloppy nom... Did you forget to copyedit?" ;-) -- Ozzel 10:00, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *I'll take a look-and it has nothing to do with the copyediting I gave it. Links and ref syntax I generally let AWB deal with, since that's what it's for, so I didn't even look at those. TBH, I could really care less as long as the refs aren't broken. When I'm reading 250 KB of article, ref punctuation is never a high priority.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Took a stab at it and cleaned some things up. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:37, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Bah. Your priorities break my little Grammar Nazi heart. :-p Anyway, looks much better now. Good work. -- Ozzel 03:08, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ****I'll send you a bandage and a little stuffed Ewok to cheer you up. :-P Thanks for the catch, though-the double commas around the refs looked particularly awful and I picked up on a few other things. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:49, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Would it be possible to get a roster of who was Wraith X at what time? For instance, initial roster, Iron Fist roster, whenever there's a major change. Right now if you want to know who Wraith Two or Wraith Eight or Wraith Ten was, you can't find that information in the article. Yrfeloran 05:43, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *I'll see what I can do . . . I'll need to work on it so it doesn't become a horrible list. Maybe something in the Members sections&mdash;that's what I did for Rakehell Squadron, but the Wraiths shift callsigns numerous times. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:50, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **A list has been added near the bottom of the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:00, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Information's there, so I'm happy. If people object to the format of that being ugly, I'm equally happy with callsign information being in pilot bios. Yrfeloran 20:09, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *** Detiled non-biased and I learnt quite a lot on it. I think it's quite detailed and deserves to be a featured article. Devan2 19:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Some preliminaries from Grae:
 * 25) *The intro is quite insufficient, for the level of detail in the article. I suggest quite a bit more on the actions of the Wraiths against Zsinj in the intro, unless you'd like to omit and summarize more of the information in the article, which would also be acceptable.
 * 26) **The intro has been lengthened. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *Linking&hellip;needs some help. Could AWB be run over it?
 * 28) **We have top men on it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Not too keen on the quote in the prose in the first section.
 * 30) **It has been removed and the content reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *Consistency with S and apostrophe would be very nice. We even have a CT about it currently.
 * 32) **Can you give me some specifics on words to look for? I know I'll go back through all the Antilles's, but are there others I should hunt down?
 * 33) ***All "Antilles's" have been changed to "Antilles'" Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:01, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) *Some consistency between Night Caller and the Night Caller, and similar instances with ship names, would be helpful.
 * 35) **Hmm. Thought I got all of those-it should just be Night Caller-but per comments below, I went with how Allston described the ships. If he said "the Narra", that's what I used. Now, I am referring to the Night Caller charade as something entirely different, where (the) and (Night Caller) are serving as adjectives for charade, so that might be what you are referring to. Let me know.
 * 36) ***Have gone through and eliminated all instances of "the Night Caller". Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *After spending some time in this article, I can say with some confidence that I believe a good deal of the history section is too detailed. I really believe that a lot of that information belongs in the articles for the individual battles and missions, or, in the case of things like the pranks, in the articles for the characters themselves. Some of these sections are almost FA-length in themselves, and I just don't think it's appropriate for an article that's supposed to be about the squadron and not the missions.
 * 38) **The pranks have been trimmed up somewhat. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) *I believe the Sources section is somewhat lacking. I remember, for instance, reading in at least one Essential Guide about the Wraiths and their activities. And there simply has to be more.
 * 40) **3 Essential Guides have been added to the list; there wasn't any new info and a check of NEGAS showed that while Voort saBinring was mentioned, Wraith Squadron wasn't. Good catch. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) **Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
 * The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
 * Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
 * The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
 * The images are, AFAIK, all that are available besides individual member portraits, which I didn't feel like including since everyone has a picture at the bottom. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
 * No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
 * It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Beryl Chiffonage

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(7 Inqs/1 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:05, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:46, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:22, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) (Thunderer 02:20, 11 June 2008 (UTC))
 * 5) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 21:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Though I hate the infobox image. Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:19, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) "Beryl?" Thefourdotelipsis 12:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:31, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Stuff:
 * 2) * I'd like to see maybe two of the first three sections merged; they all seem a bit short.
 * 3) **Merged the second and third.
 * 4) * The development of Rogue Doctrine (or at least the parts relevant to Credal) should come before Credal's disapearance in the bio, in order to avoid confusion.
 * 5) **Reordered.
 * 6) * Since pretty much anything can from Alliance Intelligence Reports can be used as quotes, a few quotes in the bio/P&T would be greatly appreciated.
 * 7) **Added quote to the P&T. If you have any other quote suggestions you'd like to see, please let me know. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:55, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Lastly, perhaps an image of an AT-AT being downed for the "Battle of Hoth" section?
 * 9) **You read my mind. I wanted to show the exact same thing. I'll see what I can do. If anyone wants to grab an image, cool. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:24, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Nice work. Bland character. :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:47, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 12) * "Instead, Skywalker ordered the Rogues to use their harpoons and tow cables to trip the walkers' legs in a last ditch effort to stop their advance." Wait, wait-you stated earlier that Attack Pattern Delta was planned to include harpoons and tow cables. How is that last ditch then, if that tactic had been devised in advance with Imperial walkers in mind. Clear this up, please.
 * 13) **I'm afraid I'm a bit confused myself. :P Attack Pattern Delta never included the harpoon tactic, they are separate maneuvers apart of the Rogue Doctrine. This is meant to imply that after the failure of Attack Pattern Delta ("That armor is too strong for blasters"), they utilized the tow cable tactic as a do-or-die sort of thing. Can you clarify for me a bit? Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:39, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***I added a wee bit to try and clarify the individual aspects of the Doctrine, and added a quote to the Battle of Hoth section. If you would like some more, let me know. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:21, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * There's nothing in the Movie Trilogy Sourcebook? Or is it just a brief mention?
 * 16) **The Movie Trilogy Sourcebook is merely a compilation of the three movie-based Galaxy Guides. In this case, #3. Thefourdotelipsis 01:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Yeah, MTS just has what appears in GG3. No new info. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:39, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * There is only one available image for this guy, from Who's Who in Echo Base in Insider 74. If anyone can grab that image for this article, that would be great. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. (Although it ain't exactly pretty.) -- Ozzel 07:15, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * It'd probably be good to also find him in the film itself, and put a screencap of that in there, to serve as confirmation as well as illustration. Thefourdotelipsis 08:08, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The only real image of him is a tiny appearance over Rieekan's shoulder, which is where this infobox pic comes from, zoomed in on him. I don't know how well it would work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:21, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't think it would hurt, as long as the caption pointed him out. Thefourdotelipsis 04:32, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I don't have a problem with putting anything in there, but I can't grab anything. There's an even better picture of that same screen shot, pulled back a little bit, in the Complete Visual Dictionary. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:17, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, I got three images here, and they all look like they could be Chiffonage...to me, that is. Also, the third one...kinda doesn't look like him, but it does in other parts of that shot. Image:BerylMaybe.JPG, Image:BerylMaybe2.JPG, Image:BerylMaybe3.JPG. Thefourdotelipsis 12:18, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I appreciate the effort, but the first one is Romas Navander, I also suspect the second one to be of Navander as I'm working on his article, though I'm uncertain. The third one is Wyron Serper. Strangely enough, Chiffonage isn't really shown in the movie except for the back of his head. The actual photos of him from the set are zoomed out from the camera ratio seen on the film. I suspect they're production-type photos. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Righto, they just kinda looked like him to me. :P Thefourdotelipsis 02:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Gantoris

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, at long last I have written another thing I feel worthy of FAN. My thanks to 4dot, Tommy and Jaymach for the sourcing.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 00:59, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I always thought he looked just like Ganondorf.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:25, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:21, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think I was the one that did it, but that infobox image really needs work. There is also a quote in the body of the text that should be removed or moved to a header. Also you need to source the infobox. --Eyrezer 03:09, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Quote altered. I knew I'd forgotten something but just couldn't see it for some reason, and the infobox sourcing was it. Thanks! As for the image, I've asked for a litle assistance below, since my image skills are, shall we say, non-existant? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **The second last para of the bio lacks sourcing for its final statement. --Eyrezer 21:56, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Smeg. sourced. Also, thanks for the image enhancement.
 * 5) Some pointers, which I have mostly addressed myself
 * 6) * In my copy of Dark Apprentice, Exar Kun says "I want your anger, Gantoris.", rather than "I want your anger, Gantoris!". Misquote, wishful thinking, different source? I'm not sure.
 * 7) **Mistakenly wishful thinking - writing the quote how i thought it should be written. Altered.
 * 8) * Up till 100, write out numbers as words, such as three, for 3 corusca gems
 * 9) **Curses. Thanks for altering.
 * 10) * More linking, such as runyip, the battle of Dantooine where Daala attacks the colonists. Most things can be linked, I find.
 * 11) **Are there other things that are missing linkage?
 * 12) ***I don't think so. Good stuff. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Instead of hyphons, you want to use &mdash; I changed this for you
 * 14) **Err... Is this a set policy or just your personal preference?
 * 15) ***Well &"mdash"; and &"hellip";, I thought, were the proper wikia ways to do hyphons and ellipsis. I believe it's just the done thing, but feel free to go and check it out elsewhere. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I recommend expansion on Gantoris' rivalry with Horn, esp. the lifting of the rock episode.
 * 17) **I've expanded this in the Bio, by extracting and expanding relevant parts from the P&t. I've ad too.
 * 18) * Mention Warton, who Gantoris appears to have known from birth. It's his death that really guts Gantoris. Also mention the futile lightsaber strike on the wall against Kun.
 * 19) **Aah. Good point. Warton and lightsaber futility added.
 * 20) * Legacy section? There seem plenty of after death details.
 * 21) ** I've separated the final section into a "Legacy" part and added a little, but there's not much I can add to it.
 * 22) *Good stuff, Xadún. Harrar 16:23, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:27, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) From Greyman:
 * 25) *Gantoris actually has a role, albeit very minor, in the story Firestorm. I see it listed in the "Appearances" section, but don't currently see any info on it in the article. If you need help with obtaining a copy of the story, let me know :) Greyman ( Talk ) 18:54, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **At long, long last, I have added refernce to this. Sorry it took so long, and much thanks for providing the source. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:34, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From the Preliminary Hearings of Chack Jadson:
 * 28) * The only part I read was the BTS, which I changed a little for you, but I suggest you change the source for the part about Exar's name never being spoken in the narration. JA narration works, just not Dark Apprentice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:02, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ** I deemed this unnecessary as Kun only speaks to Gantoris in Dark Apprentice, but I've changed it as it works either way. Also, I've moved the specific details about Gantoris' lightsaber to the article. I thought describing it to be duel-phase was sufficient, but it made sense to have this added clarification in the article itself. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 10:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***This is trivial, but I don't see why you can't change the ref for this to narration. You specifically say he never mentions his name in the narration, then source it with a book.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ****I'm a little confused as to what you want here, I'm afriad.
 * 32) *****Okay. You say that in the narration, Kun never tells Gantoris his name. Unless I'm being thick, there's no reason to source this DA. You don't even need a source, actually.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:48, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ******The sourcing has been removed.
 * 34) * Context on Ta'ania in the body is desired.
 * 35) ** I've added what I can, although there's precious little to be said about her, which I think is a shame.
 * 36) * Could the third sentence in Legacy be merged with the second? Also, what is Kyp's redemption test?
 * 37) **Merged and added.
 * 38) *I did a copyedit for you too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks.
 * 40) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 41) * "Many times during this fight he attacked out of anger, Skywalker regularly on the defensive to keep from antagonizing his student." Okay, I've fixed a lot of awkward verbage in this nom, but this really needs cleaned up. Reword and clarify please.
 * 42) **Broken down and altered.
 * 43) * " a trait possibly driven by his dreams of the "Dark Man" in a hope to defeat him." Kill this or reword it so it's not so speculative.
 * 44) ** His high ambition meant Gantoris always strove to improve his skills, as his life on Eol Sha had meant he had to rely mostly on his own abilities.
 * 45) ***That's fine; the "possibly driven" was what tripped me up. Thanks for rewording it. Atarumaster88 [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Combine some of the paras in the P&T please.
 * 47) ** Done.
 * 48) * Link to Force powers as needed; some were missing.
 * 49) *Added telekinesis link to Luke pulling Gantoris' lightsaber using the Force.
 * 50) * Probably not a good idea to list Exar Kun as his Sith Master-yes, Kun is a Sith, but Gantoris isn't, if you catch my drift.
 * 51) **I've removed "Sith", but I have left him under the list of Masters that taught Gantoris.
 * 52) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:57, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **Like what you've done with this, DX. For future reference, I would have picked up on these a little sooner if you double indent the responses&mdash;I've fixed your replies so it doesn't look like they're objections. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) "Gantoris believed that Luke, in his black robes, might be the "Dark Man" who had plagued his dreams, and isolated him from the colonists. Listening to the people that brought him food, Skywalker concluded Gantoris must have been a decendant of Ta'ania." - I'm not quite sure what's going on here. You might need to clarify who's being kept isolated, who's bringing food et al, just to make that passage a bit clearer. "First, Gantoris lead him into a geyser tunnel to collect lichen to see if he could survive the eruption of the geyser." - This could be worded better, but I'm not quite sure how. Get back to me on that one if you need clarification. I think it would be good to mention the fact that he struck up a friendship with Streen in the bio. "No other works involving lightsabers reference these shimmering colors, with Gantoris' lightsaber itself referred to as purple, amethyst or purple-white in other works." - You need to cite these other works, at the moment you just have it sourced to Dark Apprentice. Thefourdotelipsis 03:46, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) *Clarified, altered, cited. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) Grass clippings:
 * 57) * "Born into the sole isolated settlement on the volcanic world of Eol Sha, Gantoris's affinity with the Force first became apparent when he survived an avalanche as a child." – Please rewrite, minding subject-verb agreement.
 * 58) **Strimmed.
 * 59) * Same deal – "His connection with the Force allowed him to predict earthquakes, eruptions, and avalanches, which he used to protect his fellow colonists on the unstable planet"
 * 60) **Mowed.
 * 61) * Corran Horn needs some introduction/context.
 * 62) **Planted.
 * 63) * "shadowy spectral ghost" is a bit redundant.
 * 64) **Clipped.
 * 65) * The way the Dark Man is set up to be Exar Kun is quite awkward. Please just come right out with it somewhere earlier in the article than you currently allude to him. Also, some limited background on Kun would be nice&mdash;feel free to use information from any source on him to do so, as long as you cite it. Don't feel limited to JAT.
 * 66) **Revealed in intro the Dark Man is Exar Kun, context added in the Bio.
 * 67) * "Upon witnessing his friend Warton being blasted by an AT-AT, Gantoris's calm broke." – Please rewrite, minding agreement.
 * 68) **Replanted.
 * 69) * Sourcing in the BtS is bizarre. Pick one: self-sourcing statements, or ref tags. As it stands, there's one unsourced statement and several of each of the ways to source.
 * 70) **Bts pruned to consist of self-sourcing statements.
 * 71) * Graestan ( Talk ) 23:44, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) **As ever, thanks for reviewing. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 12:20, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) Toprawa:
 * 74) *Not an objection since I've changed the instances myself, but articles should never, except as a last resort where things get confusing, be written by referring to people by their first names. "Luke" should always be "Skywalker," "Kyp" should always be "Durron," and so forth.
 * 75) *Please also make sure you do a more concentrated job of making sure things are not linked twice through the article's body. Link once in the intro, and once on first mention in the body, and nowhere else, including the BTS. I've cleaned this up for you.
 * 76) *You say here that he was searching for the offspring of this woman, but then in the next sentence, he believes her experience will be valuable? This certainly makes it seem as if she's still around. So who is he searching for? "he was searching for the offspring of Ta'ania to join his Jedi Praxeum."
 * 77) *If he's already moving things around telekinetically exactly as he should, I would say he's already a talented student. This is kind of redundantly backpedaling on what you already established: "Gantoris quickly became a talented student,"
 * 78) *So...what happened? "Gantoris believed he was tricked, demanding the other student explain how he had made it appear that the rock had risen."
 * 79) *This transition makes it seem as if Skywalker just haphazardly accepted this offer to duel, when I'm guessing he was forced into it against his own accord. Please reword, transition better: "Gantoris then used his new lightsaber to challenge Skywalker to a duel. Many times during this fight"
 * 80) *So what happened after the duel between Skywalker and Gantoris? Did Skywalker reprimand him, did he send him to his room without dinner? That paragraph needs some sort of resolution.
 * 81) *Also, this duel between them really should have some sort of article. At the very least, please create a red link for it.
 * 82) *I'm confused, is this happening present time, and he's getting a "live look-in," or did this already happen? Please clarify: "but the specter showed him the colonists he had led on Eol Sha as they were slaughtered"
 * 83) *You have some unnecessary double referencing of the same source at the end of the Legacy section. Please clear that up
 * 84) *I'd like to see this sentence clarified and expounded on, please: "He was the most promising student, showing strength for the generating a protection bubble"
 * 85) *The way this BTS sentence reads does better to establish this than what you have in the Legacy section. Please beef up that section: "This makes his fall to the dark side haunt the Jedi trainees even more."
 * 86) *I've removed this sentence from the BTS due to its trivial nature, but something of the sort should at least be specified in the biography somewhere: "The spirit of Exar Kun never actually reveals his name to Gantoris in any part of the narration for the Jedi Academy Trilogy."
 * 87) *You're missing small tid bits of information regarding his corpse from The Essential Guide to Characters, which must also then be added to the source list by correct OOU publication date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:06, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) *I also find a few issues after reading through the character's entry in the Star Wars Encyclopedia:
 * 89) **The SWE claims that Gantoris was "a possible descendant of the Jedi Ta'ania." Does any source actually definitively state him to be a descendant of her?
 * 90) **It also states that Kun "guided Gantoris in building his own lightsaber...." I feel this could be better stated as such in the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:18, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) **Finally, "...but he soon learned [the Dark Man] was the spirit of Exar Kun." Unless I've missed it, the article leaves us only with the understanding that Gantoris is unaware that the Dark Man is in fact Kun. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:31, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Can someone please assist with an improved copy of the Infobox image, per Eyrezer's request? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Culator took care of it. --Eyrezer 08:44, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

First Battle of Onderon (Naddist Uprising)

 * Nominated by: —Tommy''' ( There are no Jedi here ) 14:42, 5 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Another one of my cellphone butters...

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:29, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 02:12, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:17, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the cockpit of Xwing328:
 * 2) * Overall, the writing is not the best. I'd consider rewording the first sentence to something that flows better, like "The First Battle of Onderon was the opening conflict of the Freedon Nadd Uprising, taking place early in the year 3,998 BBY."
 * 3) **Really no other way to say it, sorry. If you really want me to change it, I will.
 * 4) * "...radiated with the dark side power of the Sith magic." Sounds weird.
 * 5) **Thats exactly how it was described, as radiating with Sith magic. I did remove some of the fluff, however. It should look/sound better now.
 * 6) * The two paragraphs in "Duel with a dark Jedi" repeat themselves. —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:36, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) Toprawa
 * 9) *For starters, please either user last names or full names in your quote dialogues. Enough of this first name stuff.
 * 10) *Since you're taking this from the audio dramas and this is your interpretation of how it sounds and not from any actual script, ax the capitalized quote lines. Overboard and unnecessary
 * 11) * We've discussed this before, and I told you I was going to make you change this yourself the next time I saw it. Never, ever, use an ampersand in lieu of the word "and." Please make the appropriate changes. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:23, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *In the infobox "Place" field, that is essentially reading that Onderon is the capital city of Iziz. Please reformat.
 * 13) *Also, to whom is Ommin revealed in the infobox? To the Jedi? If so, please specify. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:53, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *Unless Jeth actually says this, this is speculation: "Jeth ordered the construction of a nigh-impregnable tomb on Dxun"
 * 15) *Who jumped off, and off of what? Qel-Droma or Doneeta? "At the last moment, he jumped off and returned to his Jedi companions" Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:30, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *If the story doesn't specify Chaos exactly, this is OR: "whom he had summoned personally from Chaos" Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:39, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * May be a little rough (my mind & talents have been elsewhere), but it shouldn't be anything that can't be easily remedied. —Tommy ( There are no Jedi here ) 14:42, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Sorry, Xwing. Honestly, this was kind of difficult to write. It took me quite a while to get it to this point. At any rate, thanks for looking, and if I can fix anything else, just let me know. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:37, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I appreciate the effort you put in to it, really. I've never even tried to take on writing an FA by myself. Just work on your comma use, word choice, etc. You used quite a few commas where they didn't belong and missed some where they were needed. A quick glance at these grammar tips would actually help quite a few editors here... I still don't like the sound of the first sentence, but I'm willing to support now. Thanks for fixing the objections! —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:17, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Shedao Shai

 * Nominated by: Harrar 00:03, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, it’s the 40th nomination, it’s another character, and it probably won’t pass for ages. But his article was a pitiful 264 words long, he’s important, and Stackpole gave a lot of info! So here goes&mdash;enjoy (hopefully). My next nom will break my character trend, I promise&hellip;

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:30, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 17:21, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Glutton for punishment.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:59, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:17, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:22, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the embrace of Ackbar:
 * 2) *" in which he expunged himself of any taint, wrapped in the tendrils of the torture device for hours, watching over the relics of his ancestors as he contorted his limbs in agony" -- this reads more like a narrative. Perhaps reword it with less narrative-y terms.
 * 3) **It's been neutered. Have a look and see what you think
 * 4) * Could you try maybe cutting down some of "duel and death?" It seems a bit over-detailed/play-by-play.
 * 5) **Guilty as charged. I took out a lot of the fluff&mdash;peruse at your leisure
 * 6) **Other than that, good work, if a tiny bit over-detailed in places. Keep up the good work :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:51, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Thanks&mdash;I know it is a bit too detailed but Stackpole's plot and character development seemed to demand it. I'll trim back more next time. Harrar 12:18, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 9) * Is this Lian individual an intendant or a warrior? He's described as a bureaucrat, but he's also listed as a military leader. Please clarify.
 * 10) **A warrior, I was being unclear.
 * 11) * The mention of Thrawn is awkward at best. Please reword this.
 * 12) **It's relevant enough to be included, so I've changed the voice. See what you think, I'm happy to change it again if it's still off.
 * 13) ***The biggest issue was that "Chiss Imperial Grand Admiral" was far too long of a title, which you've fixed. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * You state that Shai ordered all those with knowledge of Bafforr pollen be killed, but earlier you stated that Lian already informed his superior that he had done so. Please clarify.
 * 15) **They were first isolated by Lian and interned, and Shai then orders them killed. Made this clearer
 * 16) * Also, "bafforr pollen" shouldn't be capitalized.
 * 17) **Not certain about this, especially since Acky already capitalized them all. What's the consensus?
 * 18) ***A check of Dark Tide II reveals that it is kept lower case in each instance. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****My bad; I was going by the capitalization in the bafforr article. Now fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:57, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * More details on why the capsule could only be opened by Horn, please.
 * 21) **A little addition on the blood sample that was needed. Have a gander
 * 22) * You might want to be a little more clearer that Shai left Horn a message on his villip, or whatever. It's not atm.
 * 23) **How about now?
 * 24) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:13, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks, and thanks for the review. Harrar 23:55, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) Toprawa:
 * 27) *The "Discovery and challenge" section is kind of humongous. Can you break it up at all into another section? Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:23, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **We now have a new section. The quotation is perhaps lacking, but it's the best I can find.
 * 29) *You need to specify in the first section that his grandfather did indeed die. "His sacrifice" doesn't do enough, I feel.
 * 30) *"His sacrifice, and eventual death" &mdash; does that work?
 * 31) *I'm confused, so his warrior subordinate's name is Domain Lah? I thought that was the group he was from? "The commander did not find his new subordinate agreeable, often berating and physically attacking Lian"
 * 32) **Should have clarified. His subordinate is Deign Lian, but I never made that clear. I added the name now.
 * 33) *You shouldn't be referring to things that haven't even chronologically taken place, assuming the reader knows what this is. Please remove this foreshadowing and rewrite: "This hidden partnership would ultimately play its part in Shai's downfall at Ithor; until then, however, the commander dominated Lian"
 * 34) **It was an attempt to avoid play-by-play, which I already suspect seems rife in the article. I excised it; I suppose we're telling the facts, not the story.
 * 35) *The second paragraph of the first section needs to be broken up into another paragraph. I'll let you decide where you want to make the cut, though I will recommend the sentence beginning "Aboard the Kor Chokk..." as the first sentence of the new paragraph. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:20, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **I rent it in two, where you suggested.
 * 37) *Finally, Top (and thanks again for the review), if you have any general concerns about my overall style, don't hesitate to let me know. For some reason, this article doesn't quite sit well with me, which is a shame. If there are any pointers, that be cool and just drop me a line on my talk page. Harrar 14:46, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * To me, the last sentence in the BtS doesn't really seem necessary. If you think otherwise, that's cool, but I think if you're going to have it, then there should be some substance to it. Just a suggestion, Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 00:34, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, you're right. I think I was trying to suggest that he was a large part of the series, but that's pretty obvious from his mentions and the article anyway. Harrar 09:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * "My next nom will break my character trend, I promise&hellip;" You're going to FA the Yuuzhan Vong War? Great idea Harrar! :p --Eyrezer 02:08, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Well I was thinking of the Battle of Dantooine first, but yeh, the Yuuzhan Vong War is the dream goal! Harrar 09:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

Seha Dorvald

 * Nominated by: Darthchristian 21:57, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: According to Fourdot, this is over a thousand words....it better be. =P

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 00:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * "father's death at the hands of a Yuuzhan Vong insect." - Did it really have hands? :P You need to explain what's happening with Jacen in the intro. At the moment it's just she's working for him, and suddenly she's confessing, like working for Jacen's a bad thing. Of course it is, but you need to tell us that. ;) And reading on...yeah, he's suddenly Caedus. The first paragraph of the "Second Galactic Civil War" section has formality issues..."pretty" "cute" "dark time," things like that...just needs to be tightened a bit. A chronological problem comes from the fact that you tell us that Dorvald was spying for Jacen a while after the fact. This has to be reshuffled. Just as a suggestion, formality wise, you might want to use her surname, rather than her given one. Thefourdotelipsis 15:18, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * All of those are fixed, and I changed her first name to her surname throughout, as per your suggestion. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 16:50, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Per Ataru, the formality, "cute" etc, needs to be culled. Thefourdotelipsis 11:33, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * It'd be good to mention her rescuing Katarn in the intro.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * 1st two sentences of Early life read rather awkwardly. Read it aloud and see if you can come up with a better way to write that.
 * 5) **Fixed, though I needed to change the prose of the paragraph to do do.
 * 6) * Sorry, you can't call someone a pretty young woman. That's POV, and if we don't allow it for Mara, Jaina, Padme, and Jarael, it won't fly here.
 * 7) **I thought I might be able to get away with that because that's how Ben saw her to be, but fixed.
 * 8) ***You could say that Dorvald was considered an attractive woman by Ben, but to explicitly say she was attractive is a no no. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Ben decided that Seha was cute and that he would have liked to stand and look at her for a couple of days. She apparently had mutual feelings, as evidenced by her nervousness around Ben during their conversation." This needs to be reworded and shortened; this type of information works much better in a P&T or relationships section than this. Per 4dot above.
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) ***Sorry, not yet. The tone is still too informal, and it could be worded much better than how it is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Better now?
 * 13) * The whole apprentice thing needs to be a lot clearer; she's said to be too old to become an apprentice, then lo and behold, she becomes an apprentice later.
 * 14) **I don't think she was an apprentice; I changed the wording to that she was a Jedi candidate, not an apprentice.
 * 15) * " and to leave the fight alive with everybody, regardless whether the mission was a success or failure." This could be clearer.
 * 16) **Its a bit clearer now.
 * 17) * You'll need an article for the mission/duel.
 * 18) **Forgot to add it. It's in there now.
 * 19) * "She was at first amazed by the skill the Jedi and Sith performed at" Reword this as well.
 * 20) **I'm having a hard time rewording this. Any suggestions?
 * 21) ***Perhaps you could state that "She was initially impressed by the skill of the combatants as they dueled", or something along those lines.
 * 22) ****Used the suggestion.
 * 23) *Explain the escape route more.
 * 24) **Fury isn't clear on that, though I did the best I could with that.
 * 25) ***At least tell me what type of hatch she blew through, where it was, and how she blew it up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ****No hatch type, but the latter 2 explained.
 * 27) *****Check your explanation. You seem to have missed a word in there and I'm not sure what it is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:07, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Did Seha lead them "through the undercity to safety"? It's not clear in the article.
 * 29) **She led them to a safehouse, which I forgot to mention in the article.
 * 30) ***The confusion was due to a missing pronoun, but your comment gave me enough information to add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ****So, is your objection fixed? Because there is nothing I can do to further improve that sentence. Darthchristian 03:00, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Force push and Force pull are technically elements of telekinesis. Please adjust your P&A section appropriately.
 * 33) **Fixed.
 * 34) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:56, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) **You too. Thank you for reviewing the article. Darthchristian 16:51, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Empatojayos Brand

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 06:42, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 10:44, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 13:23, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * "Brand identified himself to them as Jedi and the two women confirmed it." Did they confirm it through the Force? If so, can that be mentioned. Reads a little bit funny at the moment. --Eyrezer 00:59, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yep. Clarified. - Lord Hydronium 07:01, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Link to the Imperial attack on New Alderaan in intro please.
 * 3) *"Skywalker gave Palpatine a chance to surrender, but the Emperor instead charged for Anakin Solo, attempting to take the child's body to hold his own soul." This needs to be clearer. Perhaps a brief explanation of Palpatine's deteriorating body would help.
 * 4) *"As an older man, the Force burned brightly within him." Clarify. I would recommend expanding that entire paragraph and moving it to a P&A. There's plenty of information there.
 * 5) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:15, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Could we get a picture of the "Brand look-alike" from Union for the BtS?-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:38, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Added. - Lord Hydronium 00:46, 13 June 2008 (UTC)

Zorba Desilijic Tiure

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:47, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A-haw-haw-haw-haw!!

(2 Inqs/0 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:05, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Ugh.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:36, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "in supposed Emperor Trioculus's captivity." Please clarify this. (intro)
 * 3) **Not sure exactly what you mean, but I've clarified somewhat.
 * 4) ***I didn't know if she was supposedly in captivity or that Trioculus was supposed to be Emperor. You fixed it at any rate. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:36, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * "She had in fact survived, but Zorba captured Organa brought her to Tatooine, planning to feed her to the sarlacc." Huh?
 * 6) **Missing an "and."
 * 7) * "Zorba regained leadership of the Desilijic clan, but Jabba's will was later declared a forgery by the Hutt Grand Council; " Context?
 * 8) **I...don't know what kind of context you're looking for. Both Desilijic and the will have already been mentioned in the intro, and there's not really any more context for the Hutt Grand Council.
 * 9) ***Given that I have no idea what I was seeing there, objection has been struck. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:36, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * I don't like the firstborn speculation. Please cut it.
 * 11) **Eh, fair enough. Axed.
 * 12) * "Probably accurate"? Speculation must die.
 * 13) **It's not speculation; it's what the source says.
 * 14) ***Eh . . . I've reworded it. See if that works. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:36, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:28, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Crueya Vandron

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:18, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Guaranteed to bore.

(4 Inqs/0 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Greejy! Thefourdotelipsis 00:18, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:30, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:08, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:38, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * This "Justice" links to some bounty hunter. Can we link to something appropriate? "met with stern opposition by the Justice department."
 * 3) **Linked to something more appropriate.
 * 4) * You never really say what they decided upon, just that they discussed and he agreed on something. Please specify/clarify: "Vandron corresponded with Ishin Il-Raz, head of COMPNOR's Select Committee, as to what path the organization would take; Vandron approved,"
 * 5) **We don't know what they agreed on, as the info comes from statements from Il-Raz to the media.
 * 6) * The way this reads makes it sound as though the entire effort was a failure just because one person dropped out and joined the enemy. Was this necessarily so? Other students may have proven to be great successes, for example: "Vandron's idea ultimately backfired, as one of the children, Kerri Lessev, became a top agent of the Alliance to Restore the Republic" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:58, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Altered it a bit; does that look okay? Thanks for the review, -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:21, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Yes, sir. Good job overall. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:30, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 10) *A variety of terms instead of "organization" would be lovely in the 3rd para of new order.
 * 11) * "Military operations, bureaucracy, and Intelligence being the foremost subjects on the curriculum. " Fragment.
 * 12) * "yes-men" is too informal. I'm not sure what to reword this to, but please do so.
 * 13) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:25, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Should be all fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:07, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Akanseh

 * Nominated by: - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 10:41, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More DarkStryder goodness

(2 Inqs/0 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 17:04, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Cavalier One makes me want to explore DarkStryder.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "transported between planets," You use a very similar phrase two lines up. Reword or something. (intro)
 * 3) **Reworded.
 * 4) * More of a question than anything, but Akanseh's ultimate actions with that one syringe are unknown? They're not listed.
 * 5) **It's never explictly stated what he did with the syringe, just that he faced the choice to administer it to the prisoner, or face the same fate.
 * 6) * I would de-capitalize Headman, but if that's how the source writes it, then it should be left that way.
 * 7) **Rechecked the source, and decapitalized.
 * 8) *Otherwise clean. I like your work, Cavalier One. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:19, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Natasi Daala

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:05, 15 June 2008 (UTC),
 * Nomination comments: "I am doing all I can to preserve the Empire."--Ysanne Isard

(0 Inqs/3 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) After all, I did work on it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:54, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The First Wave of Objections from Darthchristian
 * 2) * Before I state my objections, let me extend some thanks to you. You've done a great job on the article, Mitth'raw'nuruodo, expanding and fixing numerous problems with the article but there are still some things to expand and fix.
 * 3) * First off, the first sentence in the the intro is a horrible way to start it off. State where she's from, that she's a human female, then give the fluff of the article. Change it to, "Natasi Daala, a Human female from the Renatasia system, was an Imperial admiral, and later in her life, the Galactic Alliance Chief of State. The only female to ever reach the rank of admiral in the Imperial Navy, she enlisted in the Imperial Navy on Carida, but was discriminated against due to her sex." Continue from that, and fix up the sentence if you feel you need to.
 * 4) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * You give no mention of her son and grandson in the intro as well, which is vital information.
 * 6) **Added that she had a son.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * In the second sentence of the third paragraph in the intro, make a link for command, linking to Supreme Commander.
 * 8) **Did so.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Make swearing in the intro past tense.
 * 10) **I believe in that context it is past tense.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * There's a source? tag in the first sentence of the bio.
 * 12) **Removed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * In the first sentence of the second section, state, "Due to her talents,".
 * 14) **Good idea.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Expand on her appearance in Death Star. She's given a lot of information in that book, and she has only a few sentences about it in her article. Trust me, you can get of alot of information about her in that book.
 * 16) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Link to 11 ABY and to Han, Chewie, and Kyp.
 * 18) **How'd we miss that? Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * You give no mention that she was going to keep Han and Chewie prisoners, and that she was going to execite Kyp.
 * 20) **Do now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Oh, please, please expand the Return to the Maw section. You give a paragraph for the last book of the Jedi Academy Series, which is just pathetic. She's one of the main antagonists in that book.
 * 22) **Done. Keep in mind her part in the last part of the trilogy was slim at best.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 02:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***I'm going to look into that book later. For now, I'm not striking the objection. Darthchristian 03:05, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I reread it, and you're right, though I could've sworn there was more to Daala in that book. Darthchristian 15:35, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Expand LOTF greatly, and merge the last two sections in "Second Galactic Civil War," and start it off with, "Daala eventually returned from hiding at the request of her former, Pellaeon...."
 * 27) **I haven't read the Legacy of the Force series yet, but as far as merging and such goes, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:53, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Expanded.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Also, you're not supposed to vote for the article you nommed anymore, so I guess strike that vote. These objections may be harsh, but this article really is not even close to FA quality at this point. Daala has a lot of potential, so I really want to see her article completely fleshed out. Fix those objections, and I'll come back for more. Darthchristian 00:26, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) The Praetorite objections
 * 31) * Maybe change the second "female" in the first sentence of the intro to "woman" to avoid the repetition?
 * 32) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *My main problem with this article is that there seems to be a lack of over-arching continuity in it:
 * 34) ** Commander Kratas should be mentioned early on, way before his death.
 * 35) ***He is now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ** All the information given in Revelation needs to be incorporated into earlier areas of the article as it essentially explains what goes on post Scylla-battle.
 * 37) ***She tells Pellaeon to contact her via the Darakaer message when she vanishes
 * 38) ***She remains in contact with Boba Fett, and calls upon him at Fondor.
 * 39) ***She gets back together with Liegeus, who's killed, she loses an eye and vows revenge against the Moffs
 * 40) ***At some point after the Battle of Bastion she gains control of the Chimaera
 * 41) ***She does planets favours during the Yuuzhan Vong War (her own words), accrues a fleet and mounts some of the ships with Metal-Crystal Phase Shifters&mdash;tech taken from the Maw when she memory dumps all its information.
 * 42) **There is also a large lack of context about the Yuuzhan Vong War and the Second Galactic Civil War.
 * 43) **I'm aware my objections are perhaps a little vague and require you to sift through Revelation, but as Darthchristian said this has a long way to go, and I'm not trying to be difficult. Basically, at the moment the sectioning is basically by appearance, with information chunked together as it has been received&mdash;probably because she's sat dormant for so long. Major respects for getting her off the shelf. Harrar 12:41, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Expanded. Please give more critique if you feel it's needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *** It's a good expansion, but I feel that the article is lacking a section between Later life and Second Galactic Civil War, or just an extension of the Later life section, in which you order the above information chronologically. I.e. Keeping in touch with Boba Fett, the Darakaer code, the Maw Irregular, her actions during the Yuuzhan Vong War. This would give the article better internal continuity in my opinion. What do you think? Harrar 18:47, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Well, my first inclination would be to disagree, since we have no idea (or at least to my knowledge) of when these things specifically happened (with exception to her role during the Yuuzhan Vong War), such as her giving the Darakaer code to Pellaeon, nor are there any specific details on these things (such as her forming the Maw Irregualr fleet). Once again, I have not read the LotF series, but I'm sure that there are no particulars (at least in dates) to these things, so that it would be impossible for us to say within the article when these things happened. So, at least in this case, over-arching continuity seems to be unlikely, or at least very difficult, to be established.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:20, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****It'd be tough because we really don't have any dates, and I tried to add context in the expansion to make it flow. I'll tinker with it and try your suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******Harrar: I made that change, and I personally think it's good. Keeps the flow going. Good suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 10:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) *******That's brilliant&mdash;exactly what it needed in my opinion. Nicely done. I'll wholeheartedly strike Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ***I am afraid I personally can do little to address your LOTF related objections, as I have not read the series, but I hope that one of my fellow project members can do so.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ****Having written a few FAs and being a member of this project, I can add this info.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:41, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) BtS could do with some work. Add info about her characterization/development, what sort of role she played, how her promotion in Invincible was controversial, etc. Also, some of the BtS is inaccurate: "aside from a brief mention which stated she was believed to be dead in the New Essential Chronology, disappeared from canon for 10 years." Aside from implying that it's now post-2011, it's wrong; she was mentioned many times in NJO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:59, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *Done, with the exception of the Invincible promotion thing.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:23, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) **When I added that tidbit, I put 10 years because the last published work she appeared in before LOTF was PoT, hence the 10 years. And by not appearing, I meant not physically apearing. I didn't count mentions.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:37, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***On a related note, she actually appeared in Death Star before Revelation. Thefourdotelipsis 09:31, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ****The related change shall be made to the BTS.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:08, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:41, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) Can you describe the events that occured at the end of Champions of the Force, that her crew still had confidence in Daala, the losses she had obtained, etc.? It shouldn't be much to write, its just the status of Daala and the Gorgon after the battle.
 * 59) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 19:09, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) *Most of what I was going to address was picked up by other users, so that's all I have for now. Expect to see a list of grammatic issues later this week, as that's the last thing I believe this article needs before becoming a FA. Once all of my objections that are unaddressed are fixed, and the other users' objections have been have fixed, then you might find this article to be a lot more improved. Darthchristian 15:51, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) Well, I'm not sure but where is Daala mentioned at the Battle of Shedu Maad? I've finished Invincible today but I can't remember any mention of her name. Janeway 11:24, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Oh, what about her appearence in The Princess Leia Diaries? Shouldn't that be added? Janeway 11:27, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) *It doesn't say she was in the battle, it just says that afterwards she was made Chief of State.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:09, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) *Daala and the Maw Irregular Fleet later took part in such crucial final battles of the war as the Battle of Roche and the Battle of Shedu Maad. I think that tells its own tale, doesn't it? Janeway 18:12, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **It was linked twice, hence the confusion. I didn't find any mention of her in the battle's article, so I removed the mention altogether. I hope that helps.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) **As to your other (what I am assuming is) objection, I cannot find any mention of Daala anywhere in relation to Leia's youth nor could I find how she could even fit in with the plot. I'll continue my search (I have not read the comic), although I urge you to keep an open mind, since she may not have a part in it at all, though who knows?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:31, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***If you can't find any mention, there won't be any important stuff. Besides it's a great article. Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Thank you.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 70) *"Daala had no real strategy, and intended only to cause as much damage as possible with her" That's contradictory; her strategy was to inflict maximum damage. Reword. (intro)
 * 71) *Somewhere, her flagship deserves a mention in the intro.
 * 72) *Rather poor linking to battle articles in the intro.
 * 73) *"although the details of the affair are muddy. Presumably, following the end of the relationship" Remove this. It's speculative, and should be reworded somehow to allow for flow without making assumptions.
 * 74) *"Tarkin contacted her via holocam" Is that supposed to be holocomm?
 * 75) *No context given on Undauntable.
 * 76) *3rd para of Command of Maw needs some help. A quick glance shows a rather short syntax and present tense.
 * 77) *In the 4th para, clarify whether Fortressa was a freighter or battleship.
 * 78) *Rather unimpressive prose in those next two paragraphs. Particularly, combine the injury treatment and battle paragraphs from Death Star and try and make those sentences less choppy.
 * 79) *There needs to be a new section between the Death Star and Jedi Search segments.
 * 80) *A mention of Divini's use of Daala's name as a guise during the escape of the Death Star would be good.
 * 81) *More background on Daala's decision to attack Mon Calamari desired.
 * 82) *Expand and clean up the Battle of Mon Calamari paragraph. It doesn't read well and it's lacking in detail.
 * 83) *"Decimating" means to reduce by a tenth. Since we can't know specific fractions in most cases, please refrain from using this word whenever possible.
 * 84) *"Daala realized it was just a distraction, and that Durron had already ignited the stars in the nebula with the Sun Crusher, and ordered all ships to immediately jump into hyperspace." Run-on; clear it up somehow please.
 * 85) *More context on prototype Death Star.
 * 86) *Kill the quote in prose in final Maw Installation battle.
 * 87) *Check your "the"s in reference to ship names. Is it Basilisk or "the Basilisk"? Etc.
 * 88) *More detail on the conference needed (with warlords).
 * 89) *More detail on the sizable strike she ordered and on the buildup that preceded it.
 * 90) *I believe some of her vessels struck Khomm in retaliation for the Jedi infiltration. This should be mentioned.
 * 91) *Context on Galactic Voyager
 * 92) *Link to Battle of Yavin IV with Daala and Cronus.
 * 93) *The correct term is "gas giant". Please correct this throughout the article.
 * 94) *Link to battle over Nam Chorios.
 * 95) *More detail on her battle against Bel Iblis, specifically the CC-7700 bit.
 * 96) *"with a variety of deadly starship weapons designed by the Maw scientists themselves. During the devastating Yuuzhan Vong War, in which extra-galactic aliens waged war on the galaxy," Some POVishness here.
 * 97) *"Her fleet, the, jumped out of hyperspace, surprising Caedus." What is missing here?
 * 98) *I dislike your frequent use of "this qualifier". Remove as many of these as possible from the prose. Quotes use the quote template; otherwise, they should be removed. Indicating facetiousness with quotation marks should be used as a last resort in formal writing. (Unless Gonk, Grae, Tope, or someone else more knowledgeable in English grammar can point me to a source saying otherwise).
 * 99) *Her willingness to flaunt regulations should be listed in P&T.
 * 100) *She could use a relationships section, as there is no equivalent mention in P&T.
 * 101) *"She always had a tendency to disappear enigmatically from continuity, only to reappear at an unexpected time." This sentence in BtS will need to be sourced, or else it is original research.
 * 102) *"All of Daala's Star Destroyers (Basilisk, Gorgon, Hydra, and Manticore) are named after mythical beasts,[4] perhaps implying that they are sister ships of the famous Chimaera.[15]" I don't see how this is pertinent to Daala herself. To the Maw fleet, certainly. Moreover, it appears to be speculation anyway and must die.
 * 103) *How that infobox picture was chosen is beyond me, but there's no way that is the highest quality image of Daala available.
 * 104) *More detail on her encounter with Callista and the Battle of Yavin would be good.
 * 105) *I would personally combine Return to Maw and Private war.
 * 106) *You have a spelling error, I believe, in Daala's resignation quote. If it's not a typo, it needs to have a [sic] in it.
 * 107) *Check your sources to make sure they are ordered chronologically.
 * 108) *She's given an appearance in The Princess Leia Diaries. Information from this will need to be included if it is not a "Mentioned Only". Ditto with Rebellion.
 * 109) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm no Daala expert -- I haven't read any KJA novels -- but I would have expected this article to be way longer than the 42 KB -- the same length as Sagoro Autem and Jareal, two far more minor character FAs. Ysanne Isard, a similar sort of character (I think) who probably does a fair bit less than Daala, is 92 KBs. That's what I would expect Daala's article to look like, and it doesn't look like FA-class detail at the minute. But as I said, I'm no expert. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:54, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Ysanne Isard is much bigger and is featured in many novels and comics, where as Daala is only in a couple and for the most part conducts military campaigns, not political insurrections, assassinations, etc. It isn't a very good idea to compare Daala to Isard.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:12, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Okay, perhaps that was a bad comparison -- I did say I wasn't too familiar with Daala. I figured since Daala played a character-who-has-stuff-done-but-doesn't-do-much-herself who features in eight novels, and Isard is a similar type of character who features in 5 novels, a short story, and a comic arc, they might be similar. But even if my comparison is wrong, you cannot tell me that Daala's article should be only a tad longer than Czulkang Lah's and Morag's, and a fair bit less than Zuckuss's and Evir Derricote's. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I will admit that it may be lacking in some areas (Death Star and LotF series), but we have project members (I hope) working on these aspects of Daala's article, as this point has already been brought up. But that doesn't mean that the whole article is undetailed. But this is simply because I have not read material covering these parts, and I trust that it will be taken care of by the rest of Project Ambition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Serious shame in using that awful NEC one for main image and not using "Daala, you are such a pain!" Then again, it works if we want everyone to hate this character. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Bidlo Kwerve

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:41, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This one's more interesting.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Rancors come running for the great taste of Kwerve!  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 19:57, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 23:26, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Quite fun. - Lord Hydronium 11:09, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Now that his skull's in the article, why not? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Thefourdotelipsis 04:15, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:30, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * I don't think "majordomoship" is a word. Please tweak: "After this, however, his temporary majordomoship"
 * 3) **Tweaked.
 * 4) * I wouldn't really say this. I'm not sure if I would actually call this POV or OR, but I'm not sure how you can tell what is luck and what is skill when referring to others: "Kwerve was similar to most Corellians in that he was extremely lucky"
 * 5) **Altered a bit.
 * 6) * Please check whether the GG5 info comes from the first or second edition. It may be pertinent to specify as such in the BTS, and then you should add the second edition to the source list if it's relevant
 * 7) **Altered refs and source list.
 * 8) * Additionally, you should research the other adaptations of ROTJ (comics, novel, radio adaptations, etc.) to see which ones include mention of the skull, and then those need to be added to the Apps/source lists as well Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:31, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Added to appearance lists.
 * 10) * I went to add Star Wars: Behind the Magic to the source list and noticed that it is out of order. Please order correctly and add BTM. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:29, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **Done and done. Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:59, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *You're apparently also missing some info from the radio drama/script in regards to Luke's use of the skull, as well as a nice quote that could be thrown in there if you break up the last section a little. Please see me. Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:17, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Star Wars: The Annotated Screenplays could probably also be added to the source list, though I can't confirm this for you. Please ask around. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 15) * "Kwerve was similar to most Corellians in that he was extremely lucky, and this was one of the reasons Bib Fortuna loathed him so." Please reword this entire sentence or just cut it completely. Where does it say explicitly that Corellians are lucky?
 * 16) **Better.
 * 17) * There is a redlink in the Appearances section that needs to go.
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:36, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Will do. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:59, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Rebel Dawn might start in 2 BBY, but Kwerve doesn't show up until the book has reached ANH's timeframe (0 BBY). Please correct these dates, including his date of death. --Borsk Fey'lya  Talk 12:30, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Good spot; fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:10, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Not that this would make much of a difference, but would it be possible to put an image of his skull in the article? That would make this article unique. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:28, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I was originally going to include one, but there didn't seem to be space. However, the skull one would probably be better than the rancor one, so I'll grab a screenshot and try and add it tomorrow. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:43, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I was going to suggest the same thing. It would look really cool to get a screenshot of the skull flying through the air. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:34, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Image added. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:03, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Laigrek

 * Nominated by: User:Devan2 19:42, 17 June 2008
 * Nomination comments: It's detailed and long considering it's on a creature with very little information.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nomination adopted by Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 06:16, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Fairly clean, if mostly the same as last time. That BtS note is welcome new stuff, though.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:59, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Only due to Goodwood's work on the nom, and not the way it was originally nominated. Nice BtS addition, Goodwood.  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:48, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Please read the requirements at the top of the page&mdash;it's less than 1000 words. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:46, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Stuff:
 * 3) * I think "Laigreks" looks better than "The Laigrek" for the opener.
 * 4) **Addressed.
 * 5) * "Native to the remote Outer Rim planet of Dantooine, the laigrek was insectoid in appearance, with a layered exoskeleton and six scythe-shaped legs that were similar to those of an acklay.[2]" The first part of this is improperly sourced, and I would remove the Acklay comparison, since I can see a fair difference and acklay aren't all that well known (I think).
 * 6) **Removed the reference.
 * 7) * "They were approximately one meter in height when standing on their four hind legs" -- are heights given in Kotor? If it's inferred or something please footnote appropriately.
 * 8) **Removed height speculation, but added a further description.
 * 9) * "with the back of their layered armor colored in a shiny black with their bellies a fiery red" -- the two "with"s in a row need rewording.
 * 10) **Reworded
 * 11) * "Though native to Dantooine, the laigrek could not be found in the caves within the grassy areas that surrounded the Jedi Enclave—which would host the Khoonda outpost in the wake of the Jedi Civil War—at the time of Revan's retraining there as an amnesiac, though kinraths were plentiful.[3]" Is this necessary? I'm sure we could list a few more places they weren't present at.
 * 12) **Added that they weren't in the Rakatan ruins either.
 * 13) ***That's not really what I meant; I think it should be removed, because where they weren't isn't important/relevant.
 * 14) * Per whatever the last CT was called, cut content is supposed to go in the BtS.
 * 15) **Cut content moved and tweaked.
 * 16) * "In order to regulate the trade in artifacts, which Khoonda, run by Administrator Terena Adare, taxed for income, special permission was needed to access the sublevel." Is this relevant?
 * 17) **Added a bit to make it more relevant; the dangers posed by laigrek swarms made it necessary for Khoonda to regulate who went in.
 * 18) * "When a group of salvagers teamed up in order access areas that had not yet been plundered, they were met by a swarm of laigreks; though most got away, one was left in the sublevel, where he managed to find an empty room and lock himself within it, safe from the laigreks. The man, Jorran, was later found by the Jedi Exile during her hunt for Jedi Master Vrook. In the process, she'd killed all of the laigreks in the sublevel, thus freeing him.[1]" The first part reads more like the salvagers' bio, rather than something primarily about the laigrek. Also, did she kill all of the laigreks?
 * 19) **Tweaked the entire passage; it should be less focused on Jorran. Also, the player must kill all laigreks in order to save Jorran.
 * 20) * I am no expert, but would "Their preferred method of attack was to utilize their forelegs as large claws, slashing at their victims repeatedly, as well as biting with their sharp mouths" be game mechanics? Again, please correct me if I'm wrong.
 * 21) **Not really, because that's how they're animated/depicted when attacking the players.
 * 22) ***Right, but it's akin to saying "The Jedi Exile's fighting style involved lots of jabs to the opponent's stomach" because that's what happens in game, which I doubt would go down too well. I'll leave this for others to chime in on, though.
 * 23) * A lot of the second paragraph in the BtS seems unnecessary/speculation.
 * 24) **Eliminated.
 * 25) *I'm not sure there's enough material here for FA without fluff, and it may well be less than 1000 words after the review process. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:18, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **Possibly, but hopefully it'll still pass.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 11:45, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 28) * "They were quite large for insects, their height while standing on their hind legs approximately double their size when moving on all six limbs." Reword this; we've seen much larger insects; additionally the two clauses don't go well together.
 * 29) **Reworded the sentence, referencing their size with in-game viewing, if that makes sense.
 * 30) * You'll need that lightside completion template for the Jorran part.
 * 31) **Added.
 * 32) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:44, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **Thanks, will do.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:56, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 35) * Laigreks were not seen around Dantooine's Jedi Enclave prior to 3,956 BBY, and only glimpsed five years after the Enclave had been bombarded by forces of the Sith Empire under Darth Malak during the height of the Jedi Civil War. suggested that they were not common to the area. The final part looks like its left over from a previous revision, or missing some words and/or punctuation. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:22, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **Thanks for catching that one, mate. Fixed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:29, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) Toprawa:
 * 38) *Is this your own speculation, or is this explicitly alluded to in the game? "This suggested that these creatures were not common to the area."
 * 39) **Alluded to in the game&mdash;you only see laigreks within the sublevel and nowhere else.
 * 40) *The sublevels of what? The Enclave? The outpost? Please clarify: "They never ventured out of the sub-level, however, and left the ruined upper floors and surrounding territory open to other creatures, such as the kinrath."
 * 41) **Clarified
 * 42) *This doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. So they had doglegs, then? I'm the same size whether or not I'm lying down or standing up. This needs to be clarified in terms of how their legs bended, please: "Laigreks' height while standing on their hind legs was approximately double their size when moving on all six limbs"
 * 43) **It's quite simple; their height while crawling was about half that when they reared up to attack with their forelegs.
 * 44) *What, exactly, is the size of most Humans? This kind of smells like OR. You need to source the "average size of Humans" to something: "making them approximately half the size of most Humans"
 * 45) **That fact is already sourced with an in-game comparison with the Exile and her party members; since no height is given for any party characters, and they're not exactly variant in their size, it's taken to mean "average". I could take a screenshot with a laigrek next to a human if you'd like.
 * 46) *You just said previously that they had what appeared to be compound eyes, but then they really do have eyes on the top of their head? Clarify, please: "in which were embedded smaller, blood red eyes"
 * 47) **Clarified.
 * 48) *It's OR to call it chitin if the game doesn't explicitly call it this, and especially if they are only "insectoid in appearance": "The back of their layered armor was composed of shiny black chitin"
 * 49) **Fine, fixed.
 * 50) *As would be this: "Two small black cerci jutted from the top of a laigrek's back end"
 * 51) **Also fixed.
 * 52) *What exactly is an animal-like mouth? There are many kinds of animals with many types of mouths: "and had an animal-like mouth"
 * 53) **Reworded.
 * 54) *This is kind of POVish: "There was a much more dangerous subspecies of the laigrek as well."
 * 55) **Reworded, however it should be pointed out that this subspecies is designated in-game as "deadly laigrek".
 * 56) *This is pretty contradictory of what you just stated, that they were usually found in swarms: "laigreks were only found in great numbers within the bombed-out ruins..."
 * 57) **Not really. They roam the Enclave in small swarms, but they could only be found in significant numbers within the Enclave. That's two separate concepts.
 * 58) *Context needed for this Team, please: "According to content discovered by Team Gizka"
 * 59) **Added.
 * 60) *I really don't understand what this is saying. This Padawan is being sent as opposed to whom? "it was to have been the Jedi Padawan Kaevee, accidentally abandoned during the Jedi Order's evacuation from Dantooine, who had sent for the insectoids." Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:23, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) **Reworded.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:53, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) Grass clippings:
 * 63) *Not so sure the term "insectoid" applies to non-sentient life-forms. Is there a verbatim licensed source that establishes them as such?
 * 64) *Mottling? Aren't their undersides simply red?
 * 65) *"Their heads also sported a pair of horn-like protrusions, with beak-like, spiked mouths." – This is worded in a way that it sounds as if each of the protrusions had a mouth. Also, upon closer inspection, their rather standard insect palps-and-mandibles mouths don't appear spiked or beak-like at all. This is going from the game images&mdash;the illustration gives them a set of tricuspid mouthparts. Later in the article, you say that they don't have mandibles, when in the game images it is rather clear they do. Also: "this was atypical of most other species of insectoids" – This statement is entirely OR, as far as I can tell.
 * 66) *"Laigreks were not seen around Dantooine's Jedi Enclave prior to 3,956 BBY, and only glimpsed five years after the Enclave had been bombarded by forces of the Sith Empire under Darth Malak during the height of the Jedi Civil War. This suggested that these creatures were not common to the area, however they were not unheard of." – This all sounds very speculative. Is it anywhere stated explicitly?
 * 67) *"They never ventured out of the Enclave's sublevel" – Again, is this made explicit?
 * 68) *"A laigrek's height while standing on their hind legs was approximately double their size when moving on all six limbs, making them approximately half the size of most Humans." – Height and size appear to be used interchangeably here, and I don't think that's appropriate. Laigreks certainly wouldn't mass that much less than humans.
 * 69) *We need to decide whether it's multifaceted eyes or multiple eyes (intro/biology).
 * 70) *I really think there ought to be a link to an article on the "deadly laigrek," as its capabilities certainly imply considerable difference in biology. Even a redlink would do.
 * 71) *"They were usually found in small swarms, and only rarely encountered in solitary numbers" – This is also somewhat speculative wording.
 * 72) *There's no indication that their noises are communication.
 * 73) *"Though native to the subterranean areas of Dantooine, laigreks were only found in great numbers within the bombed-out ruins of the Jedi Enclave—the area that would later host the Khoonda outpost in the wake of the Jedi Civil War." – This statement is inaccurate&mdash;Khoonda was a separate structure, based in the former Matale estate. Also, "only" is speculative.
 * 74) *"more and more flooded into Khoonda in order to loot the place of valuables" – Again, this makes it sounds as though Khoonda is the same location.
 * 75) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:23, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Yes, I know I'm supposed to be on vacation. But the needs of the many (WP:KOTOR) come before the needs of the few or of the one. Current length is 1,090 words.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 06:16, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I've struck my "vote to remove" simply because Goodwood has a) done the work necessary to make this article an FAN, and b) he's not trying to mooch off of other's work by simply nominating an article without doing any work on it, unlike what happened. I'll try and give it a review sometime soon, Wood. Greyman ( Talk ) 03:43, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I too will give it a better look in the days to come. To be frank, from a cursory reading, I think this article is going to need much work. I will refrain from voting to remove the nomination until after I've had a better look, however. A warning: I, too, don't want to see fluff just so it stays over 1,000 words. I am not out to kill it or to make it fall below that point, but if it falls below that level, so be it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:46, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Inquisitorius vote to remove nomination
 * 1)  -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:46, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Take this to the GAN, my young apprentice.  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:12, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  It already is a GA, written by Eyrezer, and I don't think much more info can be gleaned from the sources/appearances. Plus, the nominator on this page has done no work on it at all.  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:51, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Since when do we reward non-Inq laziness on the FAN page?   Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:33, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Garven Dreis

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 07:23, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just hold them off for a few...weeks.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) It's away! -- Ozzel 23:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:01, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Some inconsistency between "torpedos" and "torpedoes". I checked in IRC, but consensus for American English seems to be "torpedoes". I could be wrong.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Uh, Empire at War info? Rule 11.
 * 5) **No, he just appears with Red Squadron in either the context of Yavin, or in instant action modes, etc. Thefourdotelipsis 23:50, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Also, no Marvel references? Rule 11.
 * 7) **It's an adaptation. He just does the same stuff as in the film. The part he doesn't do is in the film is in the novel, as per the BTS.
 * 8) * No Empire references? Rule 11.
 * 9) **It doesn't present anything new. So, no.
 * 10) Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *You too. Thefourdotelipsis 23:50, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kendal Ozzel

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm taking an awful risk here, Vader... This had better work.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 16:40, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn:
 * 2) *Intro:
 * 3) ** "..wealthy family owning land..." should be "wealthy landowning family."
 * 4) ** Change the last part of the first paragraph to: "Ironically, Ozzel did not achieve his goal of high rank due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as the Emperor's Hand Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision."
 * 5) ** Ozzel was not the Admiral of Death Sqaudron, no such title exists. Say he was the ranking officer of Death Squadron.
 * 6) ** add "his senior subordinate, Captain Firmus Piett".
 * 7) * Infobox:
 * 8) ** I feel that Ozzel is over associated. Rather than have Imperial Navy and Death Squadron, just have Death Squadron, since that was the facet of the Navy he was in.
 * 9) ***No, that's correct as is. We list all tiers of a faction, if known. Thefourdotelipsis 13:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Oh, very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Ozzel has a blond mustache.
 * 12) *Ascension and Death:
 * 13) ** Change "He was assigned as the commander..." to "He was assigned to the Executor, the flagship of both Darth Vader and the task force Death Sqaudron, as its commanding officer, with Captain Firmus Piett as his senior subordinate."
 * 14) **Try to milk as much info out of ESB as possible.
 * 15) * BTS:
 * 16) ** Several parts of the BTS are unsourced.
 * 17) ***While this was changed, for future reference it didn't have to be. All parts of the BTS were sourced, if not by tags then by statements that sourced themselves by stating their source within the sentence. - Lord Hydronium 14:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Just to add to this, the way it is now I'd call it overreferenced. - Lord Hydronium 14:25, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****That's what I was thinking. I'll remove them, if they haven't been removed already. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ** Rather than say who thought what about him, try to include all their opinions in one blow.
 * 21) ** Change "action" to "actions".
 * 22) ** "Active" should be "activate".
 * 23) ** Change "a large majority" to "the majority".
 * 24) * Though not an official objection, I'd like for the Black Nebula red link to be filled in if possible.
 * That's about all I can think of at this moment, I may try and fix somethings myself after my objections have been addressed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:55, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Uh, if there is no such title of "Admiral of Death Squadron," why is he the admiral in charge of Death Squadron? Otherwise, done. Additionally, I don't have Scoundrel's Luck, so I can't do anything about the Black Widow Nebula redlink. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no "Admiral of Death Squadron" but there is "Commander of Death Squadron".-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fine, "Admiral in charge of Death Squadron." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Mention should be made that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy on Coruscant.
 * 3) * Mention should be made that Ozzel achieved the rank of Captain of the Line before being transferred to the Coruscant Naval Academy, and that he was transferred because his superiors felt he was not able to command in the field.
 * 4) * Mention should be made that he taught naval history and languages at the academy.
 * 5) * For the Personality and traits section, no mention is made of his bullish attitude and lack of common sense, his argumentative attitude, his being a disciplinarian and stickler for rules, and his bias against females and non-humans while teaching at the academy.
 * 6) *All the above is from the Official Star Wars Fact Files. If you need help on some of it, let me know. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **If you could leave me details on each of your comments on my talk page with the specific Fact File they came from, I'd be more than happy to add the information in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 02:44, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just to let you know, I'll have this taken care of by tonight; it's a busy day for me. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:01, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:05, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Happy to help with the content, but there's a few other things about the article I noticed. Please see below. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) *From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 2) * An expansion on the situation on Teardrop, with a link to the Teardrop massacre should be included.
 * 3) **Okay - more expansion is needed here I feel. Remember, context is everything. Why were the Rebels on Teardrop? How did the Empire learn of their presence? How were the Rebels able to escape? Why was the Millennium Falcon there? Why did the Empire chose to kill innocent civilians? Also, mention Dreflin's involvement on the surface and his altercation with Daric LaRone which led to his death.
 * 4) ***Frankly, I don't think all that is needed, as they had nothing to do with Ozzel. I added why Ozzel was there and what he did in the system, but I don't want the paragraph to end up sounding like a summary of the first few chapters of Allegiance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * Include details of the plans to kill Mara Jade.
 * 6) **A little something on why Ozzel agreed to eliminate Jade is needed - did he believe that the Stormtrooper desertion incident would look bad on his record, etc. Also, why was the Falcon at the pirate base in the first place?
 * 7) ***I've added why he agreed, but again, I think that adding why the Falcon was there has nothing to do with Ozzel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * It's been a while since I read Allegiance, but does Ozzel have any reaction to/ knowledge of/ direct contact with/ orders to deal with the Hand of Judgment?
 * 9) * Concerning the information regarding the differing viewpoints on his ascension to Admiral: consider removing He led Death Squadron alongside Vader into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY that ended in a Rebel escape., from the end of the third paragraph of Ascent, and adding the first three lines from the fourth paragraph to the third, from "Speculation abounded ... to ... members of the general staff". This will consolidate all the information on his promotion into one paragraph.
 * 10) * Following on from the last comment, add the line removed from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph, since the fourth will now deal with his actual command of the vessel. This may require a little rewriting so it fits.
 * 11) * Not an objection - regarding the BTS info on the origination of Ozzel's first name - this link may be useful to you as it confirms the existance of the Danny Kendall character in the series, and a small piece on his relationship with Sheard's character. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **I've done some of it, but the rest will have to wait until this evening. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:09, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Having been busy all week, I'll try to get this done tomorrow night. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:51, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:22, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *****Okay, I struck most of them, but I still feel more expansion on the Allegiance events is needed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:51, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 17) * Allegiance info needs a mention in intro. His role is certainly large enough.
 * 18) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 01:03, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ***More, please. Trying to kill an Emperor's hand and being embroiled in that sort of sector intrigue is certainly relevant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:37, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * "He attended the finest naval academy" Some POV here.
 * 22) **That's what it says in the sources. Can't help that. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Irrelevant. The sources don't have to be neutral, especially if they're IU. Our article has to be. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Regardless, it needs to be shown that he attended the finest naval academy. It's important to the article. Unless you can find a better way to word it, I'm not going to remove it. I may be acting rude; if so, I apologize, but I really want that kept in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I placed a fix in there. "the finest naval academy" vs. "What was considered the finest naval academy." An even better fix would be to say who called it the finest naval academy, if that information is available. (e.g. "What was considered the finest naval academy by _____".) Since you're new to the FAN page, I'm trying to help out, but future reviews shouldn't be carried out like this. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ******It doesn't say who considered it to be the finest. Like I noted above, all it says in the source is that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *******I understand that and the point I'm trying to make is that you simply can't say that in the article. Since the narrator of the Fact Files is unknown, it can be left with the fix I've inserted, but for future reference, even if the source says "Vader was the finest duelist" or "attended the best naval academy", that's still POV and cannot be placed in the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * 2nd para of Early life is out of order chronologically. Please amend.
 * 29) **How so? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:52, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***It seems to me that you should place Solo's trial before the instructor stint, since it was only for "a short time" and Solo's court-martial was well before Yavin. That said, I haven't read the relevant sources aside from the Han Solo Trilogy. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ****Will do. Thanks for clearing that up; I don't have the Han Solo trilogy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * I'm fairly certain it's called Reprisal throughout Allegiance, not the Reprisal. Please adjust accordingly.
 * 34) **I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) ***If the warship is referred to as "Reprisal went here and did things" and not "the Reprisal went here and did things" in Allegiance, then the extra "the" needs to be removed. IIRC, Reprisal is the canon usage. Could be wrong there, it's been a few months. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ****Does it really matter? I thought there was a policy here to put "the" before the name of a ship, with a few exceptions like Home One and Slave One. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *****Besides, I see "the Reprisal" used a lot. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:19, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) ******A check of Allegiance shows it is "The Reprisal". For future reference, it does matter and we follow canon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * Context on Mara Jade needed in the body.
 * 40) **How much more do I need? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) ***Your first mention just says "Mara Jade". Throw in a few adjectives or something to give us context; the reader might not know who that is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Will do. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * "The colonel's reasoning was that agents could easily end up somewhere during a military strike and be killed." You switch from Mara being a lone agent to "agents". While I do know the storyline behind this, it's not clear in the article.
 * 45) **The colonel specifically said that agents die all the time. Not my wording, but his. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ***It's still not clear and you could still mention her ISB colleagues that she picked up to clarify it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) ****Well, I suppose I could clarify by adding "Imperial agents, such as the Emperor's Hand, could easily..." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * No context on Gillia.
 * 50) **There's really nothing else I can write about it without going into too much detail on the Hand of Judgment. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***A few words is all I'm asking. You can't just introduce a planet name, character, or ship without giving some descriptor. Case in point: The light freighter Millennium Falcon vs. Millennium Falcon. The first is a better way of wording it and provides basic context. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Is there a real need to harp on his stupidity twice in the same line in P&T?
 * 54) **Which line? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***"Kendal Ozzel was considered . . . stupid." and "Darth Vader considered Ozzel . . . stupid." It's the same thing and it's redundant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * "He was a disciplinarian, and every detail had to be perfect." Not very clear and contradictory in light of lax nature of stormtrooper discipline.
 * 58) **Fact File says he was a disciplinarian and every detail had to be perfect, and Allegiance says he let off-duty soldiers walk around without their armor. Can't change that; sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) ***Then you'll need to come up with an acceptable way of phrasing it or make a note of the contradiction in BtS, but regardless, it needs to be addressed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * More P&T data on the lengths he was willing to go to in order to cover his back from Allegiance would be good.
 * 62) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * You'll need to provide an exact reference on that official site mention.
 * 64) **What mention? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) ***"and later made its way to the official website." This is sitting in the BTS without a reference. Please find one and add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) ****I'm afraid I can't help you there. That was the biggest issue I had involving referencing. Would a link to the Databank suffice? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) *****No, a Databank link won't suffice. Fair warning: If you don't find that link, this won't be a Featured Article any time soon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ******I'll just remove it, then. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:17, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) *******Rather, I simply added that the name made its way to the Databank and added a ref. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:54, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ********Much better. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:08, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 73) *"to increase his standing in the Navy" -- no previous mention is made of the Navy before this, so it's kind of sudden. Please document that he joined the Navy, etc. before talking about his machinations.
 * 74) **I moved it to the P&T section. I think it's better off there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) *Some mention of what being a "captain of the line" curtailed would be good.
 * 76) **I would add something, but there's no mention of what he did as a Captain of the Line. I could speculate about what he did in that rank based on the Captain of the Line article, but there's really nothing I could use. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) *The first two sections seem of kind of...skin and bones. Things aren't elaborated enough, and stuff seems thrown in without care to make it fit. Also, "Solo later sighted Ozzel aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched" should be rewritten from Ozzel's point of view, and clarified somewhat.
 * 78) **I'm afraid I don't have Scoundrel's Luck (where the info on Ozzel onboard the Executor in the Black Widow Nebula came from). Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) ***That is unfortunate, but the objection must stand.
 * 80) *No context on the Millenium Falcon, and Solo is reintroduced in "Ascent" rather suddenly, as if the article assumes readers are already familiar with the source material.
 * 81) *Wasn't Mara an Emperor's Hand and not the Emperor's Hand?
 * 82) **Allegiance (and Ozzel) refer to her as the Emperor's Hand if I'm not mistaken, but... done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) *"Regardless of the nature of these rumors" -- this doesn't seem right (or "encyclopedic" or whatever). Please remove, reword, or clarify.
 * 84) **Removed "of the nature of these rumors." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) *I haven't read My Brother, My Enemy, but surely the info from it could be expanded. Like a lot of other stuff in the article, it seems to have been thrown in haphazardly without proper explanation.
 * 86) **There's nothing more. He just stands there and says one line. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) ***But, presumably, his ship/the fleet/whatever does a lot more than that one line, and all of that is relevant to Ozzel.
 * 88) ****True. I'll take care of it when I find the comics in my ever-growing pile of comics I finished reading. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) *"In 1 ABY the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord between Vader's fleet commanders. Ozzel took the bait and believed the rumors that said that Vader wanted to replace him with a junior officer" -- this needs to be explained properly. How did the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord?, how exactly did Ozzel "take the bait"?, etc.
 * 90) **Don't have the relevant source. Sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) *"Additionally, Ozzel would publicly criticize Vader." If the info exists, please say when, in what context, to whom, and give any examples of this occurring.
 * 92) **If I recall correctly, it was only briefly mentioned in a Fact File article, without any details. I'll check on that, though. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) *The last paragraph of "Ascent" could be fleshed out a bit, I would think. Also, "Ascent" seems appropriate for only some of the content of the section, as the second half pertains to happenings after his ascent.
 * 94) *Have you checked the ESB novel, radio, or Marvel adaptations for info? Surely there is some.
 * 95) **I checked the Marvel adapation, but I don't have access to the novel or radio adaptations. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) *Generally, things -- even things you may not think are all that relevant to Ozzel -- need to be properly explained, contextified, and expanded; the majority of the article, in fact. It's good at the minute, and I applaud you for choosing a relatively major character for your first solo FAN, but it is still not up to FA scratch, IMHO, and still has some ways to go.
 * 97) **More later. Just to note, I won't be very active for the next week at least, so I may be slow to respond to or strike objections. My apologies. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) Toprawa:
 * 99) *You're missing info from the ESB radio drama and RD script. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) **Don't have either. If you could provide a link to the script, that would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:31, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "However, the depiction of Vader's recovery here contradicts that shown in Star Wars Empire 14: The Savage Heart." - Vader: The Ultimate Guide has the Scoundrel's Luck events take place right after Vader is picked up from Vaal (in fact, Sodarra from SL is the one who recovers him from Vaal), so I don't think this is true. - Lord Hydronium 21:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wasn't aware of that. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:27, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wait, it still contradicts Ozzel's command of the Reprisal at this time. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:30, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that part's fine to mention, but Vader's recovery isn't contradictory, is what I'm saying. Or at least not between those two sources. - Lord Hydronium 23:02, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * So I only have to remove that one line then, right? No problem. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:23, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Satal Keto

 * Nominated by: —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 01:44, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Brought to you by the 1980's classic version of Tommy9281. Enjoy!

(0 Inqs/1 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) I think you're right; Satal and Aleema were definitely kissing cousins.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:08, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Graveyard of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) *Third paragraph of Battle on Onderon: "while" in consecutive sentences.
 * 3) *I think you should remove the quote from the middle of the prose. I believe it’s against policy, but I’m not sure.
 * 4) *Might want to give a little context about how he caught Jeth.
 * 5) *"...that they went, he would find them." I don’t get what you are trying to say.
 * 6) *I think you're about to get your's chance." Does the quote really says your’s?
 * 7) *You source some things by DLOTS # and some by just DLOTS. Please choose one method, specific issue or arc
 * 8) **Source by arc, if you can, please. If you need help with issue numbers, check the issue articles, or hit up me, Acky, or Greyman.  Graestan ( Talk ) 15:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *Might want to give a bit about what happened with Aleema, the Krath and Ulic in Legacy
 * 10) *I’d add a little bit about how he more cowardly than Aleema in P&T. You’ve got something like that, just expand a little.
 * 11) *Cool, cool.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:31, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Before anyone says anything, he is referred to by first name all throughout because it couldn't be done any other way. Also, the first quote of the article is formatted that way to depict Satal listening to the news report as opposed to having a conversation with someone.  —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 02:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Montross

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The voice of Clancy Brown compels you.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Very Crowded Desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "When a young boy called Jango Fett joined the Mandalorians and became like a son to Mereel, Montross grew enraged at Mereel's favoritism and contemptuous of Fett." This sentence just reads awkwardly to me.
 * 3) * You use "supposedly" twice in the first sentence of the second paragraph.
 * 4) * "When they arrived, the resistance proved not to be minimal." Too corny, IMO.
 * 5) * How did Sebolto kill himself?
 * 6) * You start two consecutive sentences with "as" in the same paragraph.
 * 7) *Mandos were better before Traviss.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:02, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Resolved all of those. Except Traviss. :P - Lord Hydronium 10:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Images are coming. The infobox image will get replaced with a headshot when that happens, too. - Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Kouhun

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 12:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,047 1,117 words.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:04, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * In the intro - the term "less fatal" is used to describe the Kouhun's tail sting, but in the main body it is refered to as non-lethal. "Less fatal" is confusing in this instance, and should be reworded.
 * 3) **Well, nonfatal is less fatal than fatal. :P I changed it. - Lord Hydronium 22:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I've just found that kouhun appear in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Rodian from the Living Force. I'm going to write an article for the adventure itself, so I will take care of that red link, but there is probably a small paragraph that can come from the adventure. --Eyrezer 21:30, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * "Centipedelike" is, in fact, a canon description. - Lord Hydronium 12:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Darcc

 * Nominated by: 16:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: In tribute to one of the key factors which is responsible for me being here: SWGB. Also, how can you not love the infobox image? :D

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very nice - didn't realise they tied him into Dark Lord. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:00, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I'm loving the infobox pic :P  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:13, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 11:42, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * The opening quote - is that a typo? Is Maff supposed to be Moff? I'm assuming it is from the context of the article, but I would like to be sure.
 * 3) **Yep, typo. Fixed.
 * 4) * He began his service on the planet, and rose through the ranks to become governor of the planet. Consider rewording or removing the second "planet" to avoid repetition.
 * 5) **Removed.
 * 6) * After destroying a collection of three signal jammers - some context on this is needed. Did Darcc set them up or were they already in place, etc.
 * 7) **While largely unknown who set them up, I did expand some
 * 8) * Chewbacca's "ritual blades" - are these Ryyk blades or are they not specified?
 * 9) **Unspecified. Also, changed "ritual" to "Wookiee melee".
 * 10) * Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:46, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **I hope everything is to your liking. 03:04, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) "An ambitious man, Darcc was an Imperial officer, captain, governor, and later Moff." - This seems a bit overzealous, since, and correct me if I'm wrong, Moffs were governors, and captains are officers.
 * 13) *The game states that Darcc was governor before becoming Moff. Yes, Moffs are governors, but of sectors/systems (IIRC), and he was just governor of a planet (Kashyyyk). That being said, would a qualifier to what type of governor he was work? And I've removed "officer", as it is indeed redundant. 19:54, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) "Using the amounts of technology on Kashyyyk as well as his status as governor," - I feel this could be worded a bit better..."amounts of energy" just seems a bit odd. Thefourdotelipsis 12:49, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *"Amounts of energy" isn't even in the sentence :P. In all seriousness, I've reworded with "Using the vast Imperial resources at hand on Kashyyyk as well as his position as planetary governor...". Part of the problem with that wording was an attempt not to copy verbatim the in-game text. Also, broke up your statements for easier addressing. Hope you don't mind ;) 19:54, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **I do mind. :| Lists are urine from the last leper in hell, you should know that by now. :P Thefourdotelipsis 11:42, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Well over the 1,000 word limit (last I checked, it was around 1,233) 16:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Davish Krail

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:50, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I don't care where you're from, chinstrap neglect = badassery.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:59, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:12, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *Chances are good he's also in Star Wars: The National Public Radio Dramatization, though I don't have it and cannot tell you. Please check and add to the source list if so. I know Muuurgh has it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:18, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Got that added, apparently it's just the movie lines, though.
 * 4) *The way this reads just kind of bugs me. I'd rather you rewrite it to say simply it followed them there: "Organa and her companions had also brought the Death Star itself to the Yavin system"
 * 5) **Yes, that does read poorly. I've tried to flesh that out a bit, but if you still think it needs a total overhaul, I'm more than happy to do so.
 * 6) *I'd like to see a little bit added to the preliminary details of the battle plan that Krail and the Y-wings were intended for the first attack run, because they were in the Y-wings
 * 7) **Elaborated. I've used another source to describe the purpose of the Y-wing, but if you know of a source that specifically states that the Y-wings were chosen because they were bombers, that'd be great.
 * 8) *In reference to Chack's comments below, I'd still like to see mention of him keeping his helmet in the P/T, even if you can't supplement it with anything. The reader can still infer the meaning behind it. Maybe even something about that chinstrap? Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:04, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Added something. I did want to mention the chinstrap. :D Thefourdotelipsis 06:05, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Is there anything you could say about how he kept his helmet for years in the P&T (sentimental value, perhaps)? I suspect that's OR though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:44, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes, it would be. Thefourdotelipsis 11:44, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Zaerdra

 * Nominated by: Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And to think I said to myself "no more character FAs" only yesterday...

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 00:20, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:47, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) This is a minor problem but the "100% lightside" tab blocks the other picture. It looks sloppy in my opinion. If thats resolved then I'll vote for it.  NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:03, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Preliminaries: After some attempts to clean up the intro myself, I still find it lacking in comprehension. Please revisit, adding context where necessary. Frankly, I can say the same for the bio.  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:06, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *I'm not certain if you mean "comprehension" or "comprehensiveness", but in any case, the article has been revisited with an eye for correcting both.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:34, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **COMPREHENSION "2 a: the act or process of comprising b: the faculty or capability of including : comprehensiveness" – From Webster's Dictionary. Graestan ( Talk ) 21:48, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Grass clippings:
 * 6) * "A devoted member and ward of Thek" is a bit redundant, after the previous sentences.
 * 7) **Hmm, thought that'd been fixed earlier. Oh well, it's remedied now.
 * 8) * Lightfight?
 * 9) **It's like saying "firefight" -- it's an in-universe term that could probably use its own article, which I'd be happy to create if requested have now created and linked to.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:40, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) I actually have a problem with the death speculation. Like I did with Gwellib Ap-Llewff, I'd like to see you remove the speculation but still mention the bombardment, and let readers put 2 and 2 together. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:44, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *Death speculation removed, but per your suggestion, info about the bombardment and its scope was kept.
 * 13) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 14) * First sentence of Mandalorian invasion - I think that you should set up the fact that Zaerdra was a Hidden Bek and her relationship to Thek before mentioning the Mandalorian invasion.
 * 15) **Reworded.
 * 16) * I think a link to the Padawan massacre needs to be included when setting up the introduction of Zayne Carrick. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:57, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Link added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:17, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) One more thing: Something about her unusual appearance and distinctive garb in the P&T would be helpful. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:30, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:51, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Normally, such a speculation about a character's death would be verboten, but seeing as it was likely a result of the bombardment of Taris, it wouldn't seem too out-of-place. 1,103 words by last count.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Darth Wyyrlok (III)

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: See...I'm not totally biased against Legacy...

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:44, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:09, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From a guy who isn't at all biased against Legacy:
 * 2) * Darth Talon didn't report to Krayt that Cade had healing powers, Moff Rus did. Change this, but don't forget that it was Talon who informed Krayt that Cade existed.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Only Nihl defeated Cade. Talon was disarmed and defeated by Skywalker. Change this appropriately.
 * 5) **Is this clear in the comic? It looks like Talon is moving her arm, using the Force against him or something...am I missing some visual clue?
 * 6) ***They're dueling, Cade has the upper hand against Talon, and Nihl interrupts the duel by Force choking Cade. Talon had nothing to do with Cade's defeat.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "...which was a Yuuzhan Vong torture device." "Which was"" isn't needed and makes the sentence seem like you're reading it to a child.
 * 9) **Removed.
 * 10) *"Former Senator Gial Gahan had been implicated in aiding the Galactic Alliance with the theft, and so Krayt had him arrested." The latter part of the sentence doesn't read right.
 * 11) **Could you clarify that a bit more, please? I'm not seeing what's wrong there.
 * 12) ***It just feels like it's missing something in the latter part of the sentence. Maybe just put after it, "for the crime," something around those lines.
 * 13) ****I feel that would make the sentence a tad unwieldy. I'm afraid I just don't agree here. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *****Okay. I see where you're coming from. DC 19:18, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * I think you could make a short P&A section for Wyyrlok, since he is, after all, the master of Sith lore and magic in Krayt's order.
 * 16) **It'd be a sentence at most...I think that 27 will probably give me enough to deal with in that regard, but at the moment it'd be rather paltry and...ugly.
 * 17) ***Hmmmm.....I don't know how it would look. I'll try to see if I can write one, and see how it looks after that. I'll strike the objection though. Darthchristian 16:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *Great article, Fourdot. Darthchristian 02:33, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) Great article, but I'd like to see two minor additions. It should be mentioned that he hoped his daughter would become the next Wyyrlok, and I think mention should be made that he was to only Sith who knew of Krayt's true identity. Other than that it's excellent. Kudos for using "Krayt was not pleased." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:31, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Got the daughter thing in the P/T, and...are you sure about the Hett knowledge thing? Is that stipulated in the comic? I must have missed it. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *** I believe it is, but I certainly could be wrong. I've got one thing for you: "He then dismissed them, before openly stating that the "Fel" he had just killed was actually a double. After reprimanding his head of intelligence, Darth Maladi, for failing to detect the ruse, he dismissed everyone but Wyyrlok." I'm a bit confused about the dismissing people twice thing. Did he dismiss just the Moffs the first time? A little clarification would help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:52, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ***** Now you use "dismissed" three times in that paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:39, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **** The identity thing was actually an assumption on my part, though a mention of how Krayt trusted him with it -- but not the other Sith -- in the P&T would be good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *****Maybe I'm not following, or maybe I missed something critical in the comic, but is there anything that says that the other Sith don't know about the Hett thing? It might have been in an issue I didn't read or something...I dunno. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ******Hmmm. Actually, forget about it. I just rechecked the comic and I was misremembering something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:44, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) Quotes need to be improved. They are more fit for a recap than for a character article. The whole "dual lightsabers" and "master of Sith Lore" stuff fits better in a "powers and abilities" section than in a sub-section of his biography--Gonzalo84 19:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Well, quote are quotes, and their "quality" tends to be entirely subjective. However, since you're the second person to mention a P&A section, I'm going to relent. :P I've moved that info now. Thefourdotelipsis 00:51, 4 July 2008 (UTC)

Daye Azur-Jamin

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 18:59, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:15, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 06:12, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think precedent demands putting Image:Njo_dayeazur-jamin.jpg in the infobox, since it's the most recent canonical headshot and the one that's there is essentially the same quality. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm seeing plenty of FAs that don't use the most recent canonical image, because there are other images more suitable for the infobox. This seems a similar case to me. The AJ image is more detailed, he's not wearing a hood, and he's looking at the "camera." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:34, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Eh, fair enough. It just seems a bit overloaded as it is, and the current infobox image is redundant if you keep Image:OnlyDroidsServeTheMaker-title-AJ10p16.jpg in there. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:48, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) From the Lava Refinery of Chack Jadson
 * 5) *Do we have an article for the slime Woyiq used?
 * 6) *"...knowing Wookiees didn't live the most quiet lives." Can you rephrase this? A little less cliche and clarity would be nice.
 * 7) *"...attempting to kill her capacity to fall in love again." Please change this also. It sounds cheesy.
 * 8) *You use "ultimately" in two consecutive sentences; the last two in the Bio in fact
 * 9) *Nice article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:38, 4 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * More images are on the way. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The only question I have is...was he or was he not redeemed?-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 09:40, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Read the BtS; it's an RPG scenario, and it's up to the gamemaster/players if he's redeemed or if they have to kill him. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:02, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Dhol

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Alan Moore is weird. - Lord Hydronium 03:39, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:16, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Superb.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:13, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:21, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) "Very Dhol, minister." Thefourdotelipsis 02:02, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * "Dhol existed in a huge, transparent globe, which hovered several meters above the ground without the use of visible repulsorlifts." -Huge? In relation to what? "There were hordes of "rings" built into the board, and players could use a set of controls to activate certain rings, which would produce a tall column of fire, destroying whatever piece was on the ring at the time." - Hordes of rings? Really? I'm sure there's a better collective. "She entered into a bargain with the Guild of Vindicators, a cult known for their eye-for-an-eye beliefs and mysterious powers, who wished to examine Vader's conscience and eliminate him for his numerous bad deeds." - "Bad deeds" is POV. Thefourdotelipsis 09:46, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. By the way, lists are preferred. :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:41, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *Please create an article for this. That title would probably work nice, and then please add the link to the infobox field: "and a member of an unidentified squid-like species"
 * 3) *You should specify somewhere in the article the time frame, 1 ABY, that is presented in the infobox. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:20, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Wow, I was going to request you change the section title, but lo and behold, we've found an article worthy of "Endgame". :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Silly Dan:
 * 6) *I don't think the first two sentences flow very well: they seems like two short sentences have been spliced together just to avoid using choppy sentences, but without making any attempt to make them flow. Maybe something like "Lady Dhol, the ruler of Cheelit, was a female squid-like sentient. She lived in a floating, transparent globe in her hive-palace, where she amused herself by playing the game of Firepath."  Additionally, I think using "existed" for "lived", "was known as" for "was", and similar bits of excess wordiness, should be fixed in the body where they appear. &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 02:45, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Are there any more details about why she wanted to kill Vader?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:58, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, unfortunately. My theory is that she wanted him killed so she would be the best Firepath player in the galaxy, but there's no evidence of that in the comic. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:07, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't think you would overlook that. Nice theory though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:13, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Jes Gistang

 * Nominated by: -- Darthchristian 20:05, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,052 words, last time I checked. From WookieeProject Legacy Era.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) Ackbar:
 * 2) *"Threatened as a young woman" could do with some explanation, if there is any.
 * 3) **There is no explanation.
 * 4) ***I'd like to see it altered then, or chopped, because it doesn't read very well.
 * 5) * "She guided Trask and gave him tips to help him survive among the stormtroopers, and even sympathized with the noob." -- this reads a bit informally, and I'd like to see the "noob" either go or be properly explained.
 * 6) **Took it out.
 * 7) * "However, when Lieutenant Gil Cassel informed the 407th that they would be participating in a battle against the 908th, fellow stormtroopers, on Borosk for joining disposed Emperor Roan Fel, she quickly disagreed with the mission, and even argued that the 407th should join Fel themselves" -- couple of issues with this. Firstly, the "however" seems like it's just been thrown in; nothing to the contrary is said in the previous sentence. Also, the whole section from "the 908th" to "Roan Fel" reads a little awkwardly; please rejig it to see if you can get it to read better. Lastly, I think "deposed" is the word you're looking for :-P
 * 8) **All of the above, fixed.
 * 9) *First sentence of the bio could do we a little work; "born and redheaded Corellian" and "after being given a bad set of alternatives that she considered to be worse than becoming a stormtrooper" read poorly.
 * 10) **First part, fixed. Second part, gone.
 * 11) ***Could still be improved. It should start by saying that she was a Human female from Corellia and that she did not enjoy her early life, and then go on to mention the Mission.
 * 12) * "Gistang and the rest of Joker Squad were then put into action" could be reworded to read a little better.
 * 13) **Changed to, "thrust into action," and moved to the beginning of the next section.
 * 14) * "After Darth Maleval was dispatched by Emperor Darth Krayt make sure the 407th didn't defect themselves, Joker Squad was then sent to Borosk" -- I'm not sure this is accurate. IIRC, Maleval was there all along.
 * 15) **You're right, so I redid that sentence.
 * 16) * "At first assigned to capture the 908th's base, the soldiers fought bravely and showed no interest to join Fel" -- this is missing a word or something, and also contradicts what was stated earlier in the article: at least Gistang had shown an interest.
 * 17) **Contradiction gone.
 * 18) * "Gistang played an important part in the battle, cutting paths with the large weapon she used, and inflicting large amounts of damage" -- I already cleaned up this sentence a bit, but what exactly was she damaging? Buildings, enemies, vehicles? Please clarify.
 * 19) **Clarified it as, "enemy targets."
 * 20) * "However, with every four shots, she needed to replace her power pak, making her carry large amounts of it" -- last part of this could be cleaned up a fair bit.
 * 21) **Fixed.
 * 22) *The bit about the stormtrooper about to kill her should come before the bit about Trask killing him.
 * 23) **Sentence redone.
 * 24) ***Doesn't resolve my objection, though.
 * 25) *"Gistang noticed, however, Trask deep..." -- per my comment above about the however; also, please clarify about Trask's father&mdash;was he dead, still alive, or what? It's quite unclear at the minute.
 * 26) **Noob doesn't clarify. I'm keeping it as it is.
 * 27) ***I checked, and "wonder what he would've thought of today?," coupled with Trask's use of the past tense when referring to his father, seems to indicate he's dead. Also, the first part of the objection has not been addressed.
 * 28) * "Soon enough..." -- this all happens rather suddenly; last I knew, they were resting for the night. Please add in something to make the transition less sudden.
 * 29) **Changed.
 * 30) * "insulted him, which resulted in him being Force pushed to the ground" -- aside from the rhyming, it ought to be clarified that Maleval did the pushing.
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * Last paragraph of the bio reads quite poorly, and could do with cleaning up.
 * 33) **Cleaned up.
 * 34) *Decent article, but it seems as if it was rushed; lots of missing words, awkward phrasing, and casual wording. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:15, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) **I rushed the copyedit, so that may be why. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 21:19, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ***We're all human. ;-) It's looking much better now, though there's still a few issues that haven't been dealt with to my satisfaction. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:44, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 38) *Refering to her as "originally Corellian" doesn't sit right. If she was born a Corellian, then she is a Corellian.
 * 39) *They pushed on though, but Gistang made the same mistake of leaving her power paks vulnerable to blaster bolts. When did she make the first mistake? This should be noted.
 * 40) *Noting that her good sense of humor is due to her Corellian heritage is a bit stereotypical - not all Corellians have a sense of humor.
 * 41) *Maybe add something into the P&T section about how, despite being a hardened trooper, she still found time to talk to and console Trask during their brief time serving together. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:20, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Ragez D'Asta

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 02:42, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The most important Imperial you've never heard of.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) *No indication of his sex/species in the intro/article?
 * 3) *"D'Asta commanded his armada in an attack on Ord Cantrell, headquarters of the Council." Why? Was this in response to his daughter's arrest? If so, please clarify.
 * 4) *In the first paragraph of the article body you mention that he had business dealings with Jahren Sinn. Please elaborate, if possible.
 * 5) *"D'Asta last saw his daughter in 6 ABY." This sentence kind of just hangs there with no clear import or meaning. Please consider revising.
 * 6) *Your use of inline citations in between dashes and words looks a bit unsightly. Is there a way you could remedy this?
 * 7) *This is sort of unclear: "One of the members of the Council, Xandel Carivus, sought to take over." Take over what, precisely?
 * 8) *"Carivus left one of his admirals to deal with D'Asta." This could use a bit of expansion, if possible; why did he do this? What concerns did Carivus have about D'Asta?.
 * 9) *I would like to see this sentence broken up, elaborating on the "multiple dangers" faced by the Empire and the battle itself. "With the Imperial Navy scattered due to the multiple dangers the Empire faced, D'Asta's fleet decimated the Imperial fleet, breaking the defenses over Ord Cantrell and driving what ships remained into retreat."
 * 10) *From the second paragraph of the Battle of Ord Cantrell section: "Kir Kanos, one of the Emperor's Royal Guard"; shouldn't this be "formerly of the Emperor's Royal Guard"? If so, this needs to be corrected throughout the article.
 * 11) *You mention Grappa the Hutt late in the body as being behind his daughter's kidnapping, yet when you first mention it, you say it was a plot by Black Sun. If it was indeed Grappa who was the mastermind behind that, then you should state this initially, rather than bringing him in later.
 * 12) *From the P&T: "Baron D'Asta was respected amongst Imperials, including the members of the Interim Council." Why?
 * 13) *"D'Asta was pro-Imperial and a supporter of Emperor Palpatine, aghast when he learned of the conspiracy to end the Emperor's life." This reads kind of...meh. Please consider revising.
 * 14) *TIMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:21, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kneesaa a Jari Kintaka

 * Nominated by: Delmar Nori 04:14, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: There's a nice history about the young Princess of Bright Tree Village. So, the time has come. Good luck, Your Highness!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) Ref tags in the intro.-- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 09:26, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed. Darthchristian 16:31, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Intro's way too short given the size of the article. There's also some serious grammatical problems in the second paragraph, as well as POV ("lovely"). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Fixed, though it was one of the hardest intro's I've written. Darthchristian 17:13, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:ASha Kneesaa.jpg should source to the actual episode. -LtNOWIS 16:31, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Fixed. Darthchristian 16:40, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) De-link quotes please.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:40, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Done. Darthchristian 21:56, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) The Anvil
 * 2) * Name needs to be un-referenced. I would do it, but I don't want to mess up the rest of your refs.
 * 3) **Done. -- Delmar Nori 11:38, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *First mentions of subjects (ie. people, places, etc.), need to be pipelinked upon their first mention.
 * 5) *That being said, make sure there is no over linking (ie. one link to each subject in the intro,& one link to each subject in the article, again upon first mention).
 * 6) **Done. -- Delmar Nori 02:39, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) *First paragraph of "Childhood" could stand a rewrite, including first explaining who Ra-Lee and Asha are. I think I gather they are the mother & sister, but if this is so, it needs to be said.
 * 8) **Done. -- Delmar Nori 01:01, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *Chief Chirpa also needs to be explained.
 * 10) **Done. -- Delmar Nori 01:01, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *When did all this happen? The first paragraph of the article (not the intro) should give some sort of indication of the time period.
 * 12) **There's no canon source about the time period. There's only one track on Wicket's article: Wicket was supposed born in 8 BBY. If we can consider Kneesaa with the same age, we can suppose Kneesaa was born during the Imperial Era, and she lost her mother during the same time period. -- Delmar Nori 02:39, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Ditto for the second paragraph of "Childhood". Explain these new characters instead of assuming the reader has preexisting familiarity with them.
 * 14) **Done. -- Delmar Nori 01:23, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *In "First Attack of the Phlogs", what was the Council's decision?
 * 16) ** I didn't write that text. I never read or had the story book How the Ewoks Saved the Trees: An Old Ewok Legend. Only someone who read the book should help us. -- Delmar Nori 02:39, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***OK, now I remember I wrote the text, and the book's article have the answer. It's writen on Kneesaa's article, now. -- Delmar Nori 02:58, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *Un-pipelink all names in quotes & images. Each of these things should already be pipelinked within the article, thus making them redundant and therefore unnecessary in the quotes & images.
 * 19) *In "Making magic potions", You start the first sentence off by talking about the Duloks, of which you have yet to explain. Please do so.
 * 20) *Same thing with Chukha-Trok.
 * 21) *I'm guessing that the hibernating creature was the Kradak? If so, it should be better worded so as not to force the reader into "guessing".
 * 22) *You have her inconsistently as either "Kneesaa" or "Princess Kneesaa". Choose one, please.
 * 23) **Done. -- Delmar Nori 02:39, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *Mount Sorrow section could use a more creative heading.
 * 25) *Too many "after"s in first paragraph of said section.
 * 26) *In the "The first R2-D2 and C-3PO arriving" section, what is this "interplanetary war" you speak of?
 * 27) *Same section: what is an Ibleam? please explain this.
 * 28) *What is the "Alzarian/Sooman conflict? If this is that interplanetary war you were speaking of, please name & explain it at its first mention.
 * 29) *"With the Fleebogs" section is only a two-sentenced, one-paragraph section. Should be merged with another.
 * 30) *While you're at it, explain the Fleebogs' significance please.
 * 31) *If you can handle these, there definitely will be more. I will finish later. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 07:52, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) This...may not be a fixable objection, unfortunately. As I understand it, the majority of this article is taken verbatim from Wicket's article (presumably with at least some, tiny alterations), which presents two problems. Firstly, much of it is written from Wicket's point of view -- an example of this can be seen here (Kneesa is mentioned twice in the entire section and not at all in the opening paragraph), though it occurs throughout the article, to varying degrees. Also, while copying may not be that bad for general articles, Ozzel's ultimate goal for Wicket is FA&mdash;and we can't have two FAs with verbatim content. As Wicket's article was written first and is where the text originally comes from, it has to be given precedence...which means this article may need to be rewritten in order to become an FA. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *Yeah. Wicket's article texts were used because of many of Kneesaa's adventures was joined with Wicket. But I agree Kneesaa's texts similar than Wicket's ones must be rewriten. I don't know if I can finish this work before someone removes the nomination. Every Wookieepedians can join this work. If nobody rewrites the texts, only Wicket's article can be nominated. Now I'm working on Tommy9281's suggestions. -- Delmar Nori 00:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

 * 1) I am starting this vote, based on that the fact that this information was largely taken from Wicket's article. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:37, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:51, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:12, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Massacre at Ossus

 * Nominated By: Darthchristian 20:32, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination Comments: Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era.

(0 Inq/0 User/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) No BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *How'd I miss that!? Well, whatever, its written now. Darthchristian 22:08, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the Forest of Goodwood, within dwells someone who has not read Legacy...
 * 4) *Introduction tree:
 * 5) **There seems to be a bit of tense confusion here: "Krayt believed that in order for his coup to be successful, he must first eliminate any potential threats to his rule&mdash;thus, he reasoned, the Jedi Order had to be destroyed."
 * 6) **The entire second half of the first intro paragraph, starting with "Krayt believed..." needs to be rewritten for conciseness and clarity.
 * 7) ** The first two sentences of the second intro paragraph are essentially repeats of the previous two.
 * 8) ** POV: "overwhelming might" in the second intro paragraph. Better to say "superior numbers of..."
 * 9) ** "Few Padawans were able to escape in Jedi Shuttles." Fragmentary. Please revise.
 * 10) **The last two sentences of the intro also need a complete rewrite for conciseness and clarity. In addition, the intro needs to be reworked in order to provide more details of the battle and its history.
 * 11) ***They're also speculative and OR (Original Research).
 * 12) *Prelude roots:
 * 13) **"Much of the Galactic Alliance was absorbed into the Empire at the end of the Sith-Imperial War, but the reigning Emperor, Roan Fel, knew that while the Alliance had surrendered, the Jedi would stay true to the will of the Force." This doesn't really make sense to someone who hasn't read the Legacy comics. Please elaborate on these concepts, breaking up the sentence as necessary.
 * 14) **These two sentences are just...horrible. "Unknown to him was that, that relationship between his Empire and the Jedi Order could never happen. The Jedi would never be loyal to an Empire supporting Siths, something Darth Krayt knew and one of the main reasons he planned the Massacre"
 * 15) **They're also barely on the near side of POV; in addition, these concepts too need to be elaborated for someone who has not read the Legacy comics.
 * 16) ** What level? Please explain: "What Fel did not count on was that the Sith would intervene at a lower level than his."
 * 17) **This, again, needs to be better explained, and referenced appropriately: "Their leader, Darth Krayt, had known the Jedi from decades previous and knew that even if they agreed to work with Fel, they would never accept the direction that Krayt intended to take the galaxy."
 * 18) **Fragment, please revise: "The Jedi would never even allow a Sith as Emperor so if his vision of order was to be fulfilled, the Jedi had to die to the last being."
 * 19) ***There are still problems with this sentence.
 * 20) ** Surely there's a better way to word this: "Lest he be made to appear an idiot later, Veed agreed to countermand Fel's order and make it look like his own idea."
 * 21) *Massacre trunk
 * 22) **Please explain why there were Yuuzhan Vong warriors and shapers at the Academy. Remember, not everyone has read Legacy. "Many Jedi were killed, along with numerous Yuuzhan Vong warriors and shapers who were present at the time of the attack."
 * 23) ***Now the sentence needs to be readjusted for grammar and conciseness, possibly split.
 * 24) **If possible, please give details as to how the attack played out. How did hostilities initiate? By what means did the Sith/Imperial forces land troops? How did the Jedi defend themselves? Remember, this is a battle article, and thus such details are vital.
 * 25) ***Okay, so you've given some details, now please rewrite them with proper grammar.
 * 26) ** Who is this guy? Please elaborate, both on who he is and how he was wounded. "to take Master Sazen"
 * 27) **This could be reworded better: "The ensuing dogfight with a number of enemy Predator-class fighters witnessed the apparent death of Cade.
 * 28) *Aftermath branches:
 * 29) ** Please merge these two sentences or elaborate each, giving details on the first insofar as what kind of casualties were suffered: "The Sith suffered their own casualties, along with the Imperial forces. But the attack was not the all-destroying blow Krayt had wished."
 * 30) **OR and POV. Please reword and properly reference, or eliminate entirely: "Not only had Krayt made Darth Sidious's mistake again, but he had been far less comprehensive in destroying the order than Sidious had been."
 * 31) ***Still OR.
 * 32) ** Repetitive, please reword or remove: "Krayt had not been patient for the rest of the Order to arrive on Ossus."
 * 33) ** A very bold statement considering what you reference it with. I'd even go so far as to call it OR: "This, however, proved to still be somewhat an efficient move, as Cade would leave the Order because of his father's death, and this event would drag him closer to the dark side, ultimately making him a Sith."
 * 34) **This is also OR, unless you can specifically reference Krayt or another Sith stating that: "The massacre was also the event that forced the Sith to move openly against Emperor Fel."
 * 35) *Bts leaves:
 * 36) **The Bts is pretty bare-bones at the moment. Perhaps you could detail some of the flashbacks, mentioning what issues they appear in, and what is depicted in them.
 * 37) **Moving OR from the Aftermath section to the Bts in order to fill it out does not make it any less OR.
 * 38) *Closing tree:
 * 39) **Please check your linking, making sure to provide links where needed and eliminating overlinking (one link each in the infobox and/or introduction and/or body in all cases).
 * 40) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:43, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) **All fixed- Dookurules338 14:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ***No, they're not all fixed. Furthermore, you do not strike objections from other users. It is up to the objector to see if they are satisfied that the objection has been fulfilled; if they decide that any one objection has, then they will strike it themselves. Thank you and have a nice day.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:03, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) **Well at least some of it is done, so could you at least check out what is done and strike it. Dookurules338 15:38, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Small bits have been fixed. Overall, though, I have to say that the article is no better off than when you first nominated it.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 13:59, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) **The Aftermath, prelude and intro have been fixed of everything, so you can start striking them out. Dookurules338 15:45, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) "Siths"? "Stortroopers"? Seriously, if you haven't a clue what you're doing, you really should not be attempting to write an FA. The standard of the original article was fine, but the majority of your additions are...not up to scratch. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought Greyman wrote this... -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't look, but he said he worked very hard on it. He asked me to nom it because he's new, since newbies cant edit this page. Darthchristian 21:58, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Dookurules made 4 edits, amounting to fewer than 2000 bytes, to answer your question.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:48, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Hmm....okay. Darthchristian 16:54, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I've corrected most of the objections. If someone doesn't agree with those corrections or have some more objections to point out, be my guest to do it. KDST 18:43, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)
 * 1) User appears to have given up with the nom, and it still has ways to go; unless Greyman or someone else wants to adopt it, I doubt it'll go anywhere. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:53, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Elassar Targon

 * Nominated By: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 06:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination Comments: Master of the universe reporting for duty!

(3 Inq/0 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) These Wraiths are a fun bunch!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:12, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) My favorite Wraith. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:54, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:31, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Yarg, genius!
 * 2) * No need to specify he was a pilot in the intro (after saying he joined the Wraiths).
 * 3) **Given that they don't always fly starfighters, I prefer to leave it there, but removed, I suppose. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:08, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * I'd suggest calling Zsinj "Warlord" on the first mention, not the third.
 * 5) **Done; that's an easy fix. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:08, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Not a fan of calling Coruscant the throneworld.
 * 7) **It's called that IU, but nevertheless, reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:08, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * I think it might also be a good idea to link "occupied" to Battle of Coruscant (YVW). Up to you though.
 * 9) **Made so. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:08, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Targon adopted a swashbuckling pose and attitude and his actions convinced Janson and other pilots that he belonged in the unit." Might want to separate this into two sentences or change the phrasing.
 * 11) **Minor tweaks made. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:08, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * I thought we didn’t refer to them as Vong in articles. Please tell me if I’m mistaken.
 * 13) **We don't, and I shouldn't have. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:08, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Present tense in the last paragraph in the Bio.
 * 15) **Typo, that. Meant to type a d. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:08, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *Good.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:50, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kas'im

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 15:20, 29 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Enter the Blademaster. You can keep your Cin Dralligs and your Raskta Lsus for all I care! My first contribution from WP:NSW.

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The Anvil:
 * 1) *Eliminate any overlinking. One in the intro, one in the article body.
 * 2) **I believe no links are replicated now.
 * 3) *I changed this for you, but Kaan's Sith were dignified as Dark Lords, as opposed to just "Sith Lords/Masters".
 * 4) **I didn't recall seeing this. I remember all 'Masters' were granted the title of 'Lord' but didn't realize it was 'Dark Lord'. Thank's for altering it.
 * 5) *The "Brotherhood of Darkness" section is nine paragraphs long. You may want to combine a few, or create a new section under which some can fall. Your call.
 * 6) **I've pulled a few together - Kas'im's recruitment to the Brotherhood and how he trained apprentices, Bane's approach and training, and the events that occured during Kas'im's brief time on Ruusan.
 * 7) *In the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, you say, "The students were each given training sabers that secreted a non-fatal venom when they struck an opponent, resulting in the wielder feeling extreme pain but would recover." The weapon didn't secrete the poison&hellip;
 * 8) **Damn. I meant to alter the references to the training sabers before placing my edit. It should read much better now.
 * 9) *With that said, there is more to be described about the effects of the Sith training saber, such as the sensation caused by the "venom" was supposed to simulate what?
 * 10) **see above ;)
 * 11) *Same section/paragraph, you use non-fatal twice consecutively.
 * 12) **Thanks to the ealier edit for the training sabers, this is now removed.
 * 13) *Same section/paragraph, you introduce Sirak, but only as the apprentice allowed to use the double-bladed saber. Give a little more context as to who Sirak was, with regards to the school.
 * 14) **Didn't want to go off on too much of a tangent about someone other than Kas'im. Expanded per request.
 * 15) *Same section, next paragraph, you say, "Bane, sensing this lack of favor, challenged the strongest apprentice at the Academy, Sirak, in a bid to regain his standing. His rapid and abrupt defeat only confirmed Qordis' views to Kas'im." The bit about Sirak being the strongest apprentice should be made at his first mention.
 * 16) **Changed.
 * 17) *For the objection above, you go from talking about Bane challenging Sirak immediately to his "rapid and abrupt" defeat. Just a sentence is necessary in between those, regarding how Bane was rapidly defeated.
 * 18) **Added.
 * 19) *Also, I think that "Dark Lord" should be used in place of "Sith Lord", especially since the book referred to them specifically as Dark Lords most often. (Minor)
 * 20) **'Dark Lord' is referenced to many Sith when used by Kas'im, not just those in the Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 21) *You reference the "Army of Light" in the seventh paragraph of the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, yet you offer no explanation as to whose command they were under.
 * 22) **I've expanded this part. Please see if you think it need more.
 * 23) *On that note, I think that the "Army of Light" should be first referenced when you first speak of Lord Hoth. This is who the Brotherhood was fighting with, after all.
 * 24) **I though it was there. I only mention Hoth at the above point and in the intro.
 * 25) *Early in the "Death" section, you say, "But Bane now held no respect for Kaan or the Brotherhood, believing his Rule of Two would restore the Sith to glory through secrecy and cunning." This needs to be first reworded, so that it doesn't begin with "but", and Bane's idea of the Rule of Two should be touched on a tad more.
 * 26) **Sentence adapted to include a brief description of the RoT.
 * 27) *"Death" section needs a new heading. Something less lackluster.
 * 28) ** It's now entitled "The Final Duel". I felt that was more appropriate.
 * 29) *Last sentence of "Death" section, you say, "However, he was unable to shield the stone arch surrounding him, and Kas'im was crushed beneath the stone." What happened to the stone that caused it to fall on Kas'im?
 * 30) **Altered to read: However, the power Bane unleashed covered so great an area that it shook the entire temple and smashed the archway surrounding Kas'im, who was crushed beneath the stone.
 * 31) * Finish with these, and we will go through more. Very good, Xadún. Kinda reminds me of the beginning of this comic. Lets see how you do;) —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) **Thanks for reviewing! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:55, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Nice use of the word "throttle". —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Even Piell

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:NEGTC nom

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 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:38, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * I think the Lannik Royal Guard needs it's own article, and to be linked to in the article. Also, the link to palace guard in the first paragraph of the Jedi Master section goes to the Naboo palace guard.
 * 3) **Addressed and article created.
 * 4) * The Lannik government were embroiled in a costly war with a group of terrorists known as the Red Iaro, who wished to begone with the traditional ways of Lannik and rule the planet in their own, extremist way. - the use of the word "begone" in this instance doesn't sit well. Consider using an alternative.
 * 5) **Tweaked it a tad.
 * 6) * The Corellians' daughter, Adi Gallia, was herself a Jedi - I am assuming that this is refering to the Corellian Diplomats mentioned earlier in the article, but it needs clarifying in this statement. Also, is there an article for the diplomats at all?
 * 7) **Clarified.
 * 8) * A little context on what a Ffib priest is would be appreciated.
 * 9) **Added some.
 * 10) * Are Zug and Zash working together? The mention of Zug's plan to kill the Jedi would seem to indicate it, but there's no mention of an alliance between the two.
 * 11) **Added mention of the Jedi's presumption of such an alliance; it's never definitely stated to exist, though.
 * 12) * In the P&T section, you mention the Gran's plans to exploit the planet Lannik. Is this part of their reason for hosting the talks on Malastare, and the statement that Senator Aks Moe is corrupt? If so, it should be mentioned in the article. If not, explanation on why Moe was considered corrupt would be appreciated.
 * 13) **Removed the "corrupt," and I've clarified the P&T a tad.
 * 14) * though the Council lost Yaddle and Yarael Poof - clarify "lost"; are they dead, captured, etc. I know you mentioned Poof's funeral, but what about Yaddle? It's a little unclear.
 * 15) **Clarified.
 * 16) * Piell was among the 200 odd Jedi - 200 odd is mildly informal, and I would consider using another term for it.
 * 17) **Altered.
 * 18) * I feel the term "sucker-punched" is informal and needs changing.
 * 19) **Changed.
 * 20) * I've read Jedi Twilight, but don't have the book to hand. Can you check the fates of the Stormtroopers since I seem to recall something different.
 * 21) **You're right; I've changed it.
 * 22) *Interesting character, interesting article. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 18:45, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * :-) Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:28, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Jedi Twilight spoilers. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Equipment Emporium

 * Nominated by: -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:50, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:KOTOR nomination

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 22:32, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:06, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:26, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 06:36, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) "Inhabitants" section is largely speculative.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:23, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Greyman
 * 3) *The only thing that bothers me is the same thing that Graestan pointed out, the "Inhabitants" section. I understand how you got to the points you did due to the gameplay, but the wording still bothers me. Is this actually said in the game, or alluded to, in any conversation? "Customers at the shop were nearly all Human, due to the Tarisian tradition of barring members of non-human species from the Upper City." I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. Also, you could probably axe the "probably as Yurt's assistant" mention for the droid; if it mentioned in the game that the droid is her assistant, or even companion, then you would need to reword it to get rid of that pesky "probably". Other than that, nice article. Greyman ( Talk ) 15:40, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **In response to both suggestions, the Inhabitants section has been axed completely.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:25, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Rollin' rollin' rollin, keep them dogies rollin', RAWHIDE!  -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:51, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Gorgon

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:
 * "Nothing larger than a Star Galleon, but it's a start."--Gilad Pellaeon
 * "We're going to need more than just a start, Captain."--Grand Admiral Thrawn

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 * 1) No BtS. I'm seeing an awful lot of sentences starting with "the Gorgon" in the first few paragraphs. Also, I would've though there'd be at least info -- probably stats -- in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook. Succession box is unsourced. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:10, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *BTS created and sourced. Succession box sourced. Also, the Gorgon is its name, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see the article's name at the beginning of the first paragraphs too. I don't have the Jedi Academy Sourcebook so I can't verify whether or not there are any stats.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **It did kinda occur to me that "the Gorgon" is its name; but, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see that the first sentences of the main body don't practically all start with the same thing. Jedi Academy sourcebook objection still stands; you really shouldn't nominate articles which have such a major source that hasn't been checked. Also, "Return to the Maw and death" is kind of a strange title since it's can't and doesn't die. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:53, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Perhaps "death" is a bit dramatic for a ship. Removed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 10:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****My objections are below, but I thought that I would mention that the JASB has no individual stats for the Gorgon. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 7) *Regarding the infobox - are the exact model of weapons correct and attributable to a source? While I normally wouldn't point something like this out on a ship article, bear in mind that it was isolated for over a decade, and may have had earlier model weapons fitted.
 * 8) *Are you sure the Edict is a Gamma-class shuttle? It's own article says it is of an unknown class.
 * 9) *In the intro, you mention that the Gorgon was constructed at Kuat. While a reasonable supposition, is there direct evidence it was manufactured there?
 * 10) *Under Specifications, you mention that The Gorgon was very unusual in that it possessed a complement of starfighters and assault craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement. While this may be true for the support craft, the starfighter complement of the vessel is a standard six squadrons. Unless you are refering to the models of starfighters used, which then needs to be made clearer.
 * 11) *First paragraph of Construction and Deployment is unreffed.
 * 12) *Mention why Doole's fleet was near the Maw when the Gorgon exits for the first time.
 * 13) *The captain of the corvette that Daala captures is named in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook as T'nun Bdu. This should be linked to.
 * 14) *Explain how Ackbar used the Startide to destroy the Manticore.
 * 15) *From the Jedi Academy Sourcebook - mention needs to be made that the crew was comprised of individuals with little or no ties to the outside galaxy so they would not be missed. Also, the crews are bored and angry after so long in isolation. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) The succession box says preceded by "none" and cites Jedi Search. Does Jedi Search establish that it was Daala's first flagship, or is it an assumption based on the lack of a previous flagship existing in canon? If it's the latter, please change to "unknown" or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:50, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Mezhan Kwaad
Okay so I lied. I've nominated another character. I was keeping her in reserve until the character noms died down a bit, but as AdmirableAckbar said, the more potential FAs the better!
 * Nominated by: --Harrar 21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

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 * Pictures, as you may have noticed, are not my forté by any stretch of the imagination. Any help in tidying/cropping these if it's deemed necessary would be greatly appreciated.Harrar 21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I uploaded a new version of the main image with part of the head filled back in. I got the original piece from here, which you might want to check out, because it has an interesting note about the skin color on the final cover that you might want to include in the BTS. -- Ozzel 05:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Tiss'shar
Operation Clever Girl concludes its initial phases of operation to bring you this article. Hydro, Fourdot, I told you I'd get around to this someday. :-p jSarek 08:41, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: jSarek 08:41, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

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TIE Phantom

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:18, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No ship that small has a cloaking device.

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 * 1) Welcome to the opening performance of The Phantom of the TIE Opera!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:52, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Sweet lord this was a good read! Harrar 16:49, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 06:09, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Given the length of the article, could it be possible to flesh out the intro just a bit more?-- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Demetrius Zaarin

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:21, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally got around to finishing it. Don't click the links if you don't want to be disappointed.

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Murk Lundi

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:24, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sith wanna be.

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 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) *Did they find him fascinating as a person, or was it the way he taught his subject? Please clarify: "his classes were always full, as students found him fascinating."
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) *Responsible in what way? "and if any of his students could be responsible for the collection."
 * 5) **I think it's fairly obvious; that they had gathered the objects and possibly left them as a warning to the Jedi. I left it as is because it's hard to change it to what I just stated, but I'll work on it if you feel it's necessary.
 * 6) *Is this according to his beliefs? Please clarify: "Lundi replied that the Sith were more powerful, as vengeance and power always trumped peace."
 * 7) **Yes. Added, though I'm not sure it was needed.
 * 8) *"Right before takeoff, a young man tried to get off, screaming for Professor Lundi." Should this be "tried to get aboard"? In subsequent sentences it is said that the man (Norval) was thrown off.
 * 9) **Yes. Silly mistake.
 * 10) *From Locating the Holocron: "In the middle of the night" Is this specified at all? It could mean ship's night or whatever. In any case, it could possibly be reworded as time is kept differently aboard starships.
 * 11) **Changed.
 * 12) *First and third paragraph both begin with "In the middle of the night"; perhaps one could be reworded (if you decide to reword the first instance per the previous objection, then nevermind).
 * 13) **See above.
 * 14) *"Even Lundi's insanity did not save him, though he was clearly mad." This seems a bit repetitious.
 * 15) **Removed the second part of the sentence.
 * 16) *Are any of these crimes specified? If so, please elaborate: "Lundi was ultimately found guilty of numerous crimes and imprisoned."
 * 17) **Added a bit.
 * 18) *These would seem to be the same thing, in this context, no? "He also told them that Norval was not only power-hungry, but greedy."
 * 19) **Rephrased.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:26, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Celeste Morne

 * Nominated by: Ajeanette 6 July 2008
 * Nomination comments:I managed to receive good article status with plenty of help and guidance and I am ready to take the next step.

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