User:Cavalier One/Imperial Grand Admiral

From the Major-General's Song from the musical The Pirates of Penzance. With appropriate apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan.



I am the very model of an Imperial Grand Admiral,

I've information psychological, strategical, and tactical,

I know the Queens of Hapes, and I quote the duels historical,

From Onderon to Endor, in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters hyperspacial,

I understand interdictors and equations quantum mechanical,

About cloaking technology I'm teeming with a lot o' uses,

With many cheerful stratagems and genius ruses.

I'm very good at finding resources forgotten by the universe;

And tricking the Noghri into being my eternal serfs:

In short, in matters psychological, strategical, and tactical,

I am the very model of an Imperial Grand Admiral.

I know our mythic history, Darth Revan's and Lord Ragnos';

I study alien psychology as a matter of course,

From the logical Elom to the primitive Ewok,

And exploit their cultural weaknesses to leave them all in shock;

I can tell undoubted Ob Khaddors from Zuttons and Duos'tines,

And although The Kallea Cycle's chorus has a glamorous sheen,

I always hum the Imperial March in honor of Lord Palpatine,

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Madra Teene.

Then I can write a supply requisition in Tionese cuneiform,

And tell you ev'ry detail of Lord Vader's uniform:

In short, in matters psychological, strategical, and tactical,

I am the very model of an Imperial Grand Admiral.

I employ clone soldiers, never conscripts or slave labor,

And I can tell at sight a blaster rifle from a lightsaber,

I dispense with superweapons in favor of intricate battle plans,

I doubt I would have ordered the destruction of Alderaan,

Fighting with a Star Destroyer is practically an art,

And I take betrayal personally, like a knife through the heart–

And when I take command of the entire Imperial war machine–

You'll say a better Grand Admiral has never been seen.

For my military knowledge, I'm considered dangerous and unpredictable,

Enemies respect me and consider me unbeatable;

In short, in matters psychological, strategical, and tactical,

I am the very model of an Imperial Grand Admiral.