User:Maaul

I am Maaul, A.K.A. The supreme overlord of the outer outer outer outer OUTER rim world known as "Earth".(and later, the Galaxy), and this is my story...(PSSH! You read now!)

Episode I:The Phantom Bovine
Do to a rather horrific encounter with an undiscoverd asteroid field during my run through the Ison Trade Corridor, my personal vessel, The Spectral Guardian, was blasted off course into an unknown sector. When my vehical landed, I was greeted/attacked by a non-sentient meatbag with tremendous ears and some what of a country accent. He was a minor loss. After "returning the kind greeting", the organics worshiped me for, "R2l;ej[}mf<" (freeing them from the lies of "The Bush") I became their leader without any [important] casualities.

These "Earthlings" are not as primitive as lead to thought; one of their slugthrowers was compatable with my prototype weapons.(creating the Westar AK-47 twin dual dallorian alloy blasters) After amassing their military forces into a more advanced, more efficiant defense, I proceeded to kill my enemies, the only ones that poesed a threat to my reign of power.

I quickly proceeded to seek out and destroy the only one capable of poesing a threat: Darth Cow. I built a fleet for the meatba...I mean, loyal subjects, allowing return to the GFFA. I found the diabolical livestock on the Death Star III.(you would think the imperials money records would show a reason not to build another...) We engaged in an epic dual that lasted, what day is today?Monday...Tuesday...about 3 seconds. The sinister herbivore would spare me if I turned to the dark side.

http://uncyclopedia.org/images/2/2a/Darth_Cow.PNG

The evil Darth Cow

I had no choice...

I thought, being a droid, that I could withstand the allure of the dark side;I was terrably wrong. I originally intended to conquer the Galaxy, then turn on my master/captor, but I fell nontheless.

Together, we conquered the Galaxy.(without the help of the new, new Death Star, witch, like the others, was a piece of crap that exploded because the solar powered coffee machien was overused, no thanks to those lazy freeloader imperials...) For a celebration, we went back to Earth and threw a wild, world-wide party. The m...loyal subjects don't speak Galactic Basic, so they didn't know we were evil. (the meat subjects accually made the party more entertaining, especially when the drunk one launched himself out of a turbolaser) http://starwars.wikia.com/images/d/d9/DS_Turbolaser.jpg That is a meatbag getting fired, not a laser.

But one human was different, she understood Galactic Basic. Her name was KR.(name withheld)She questioned why I was helping Darth Cow. I was about to force choke her, but her words made me realize that I really was on the wrong side. The emotions I felt were unnatural for my assasination programing; something I later realized was a combination of guilt, remorse, anger, and love. I knew I couldn't turn Darth Cow from the dark side, so after a long, bloody, and painful stern talking to, I convinced him to conquer some other place instead of these 2 Galaxies. Pluto never stood a chance...but at least Earth and the GFFA were both safe. For doing such a good deed, the force granted my greatest wish:

being human.

After returning to the light side, KR and I engaged in an unnessasarily/unreasonably long kiss. We were married and lived happily ever after.(I would never get that lucky with KR in real life, but heh, this is my fairy tale)Well, happily untill we hade to save Darth Cow from severe food poisoning in all four of his stomaches, but that is another story.

http://starwars.wikia.com/images/3/3c/Lukemarawedding.jpg

A happy ending.(suprisingly similare looking to me and KR in real life;if only it was real...)

Episode II:Attack of the Sticks and Twigs
I didn't like the clones, so I killed everyone and rigged the cloning facillaty with detpacks.(yes, I destoyed Mike_Kazz in the process,so it was a double win situation.) The clones that I didn't destroy, well...

http://starwars.wikia.com/images/5/57/CT5632.jpg

Bobo will eat well tonight...

I decided to amass a more effective army, out of sticks and twigs, when Darth Cow came bursting thru the door. He was scared and burned by some sort of lightning. ''

It was M...m...Mike_Kazz...uggg...''

He WAS the cloning facilaty!(his infobox said so!) He's a sith AND a liar?!!!!!

At this point, I was really ticked, so I got everyone ready for the plan. DarkShroud would stay behind to nurse Darth Cow back to health, while I would go on The Spectral Guardian to ambush Mike_Kazz, while KR would come to help me attack and also keep me company on the long ride there so I wouldn't get lonely. When we arrived, we were attacked by clones.He really WAS the cloning facilaty!

Friends
-Darth Cow info:first friend(on Wookiepedia)

-SFH info:really helped me in the early stages

-DarkShroud info:helped me get an awesome picture