Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Johun Othone


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Johun Othone

 * Nominated by: DC 01:46, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Bah, I couldn't stand not nominating it after finishing it.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:02, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:43, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cull Tremayne 12:13, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Satisfaction. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Dark Side Master TotG.jpg|17px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 01:10, 22 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:51, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Opening paragraph in the intro: Othone fought with Hoth during these wars, especially during the Ruusan campaign, in which Hoth was killed when the Sith detonated a thought bomb on Ruusan, destroying themselves, Hoth, and ninety-nine other Jedi. Bit of a jerky, run-on sentence. Also has three uses of "Hoth". Consider breaking up/ rewording to flow better.
 * 3) **Broken up and reworded.
 * 4) * Nitpicky I know, but Othone and his family had worked at a farm - if Othone was taken by the Jedi at age ten, did he work on the farm, or just his family?
 * 5) **I'm pretty sure he worked on the farm.
 * 6) * He used a mind trick on a female soldier named Irtanna, who was piloting a Envoy-class shuttle christened the Star-Wake down to Ruusan, to convince her that he was going along with her, just as the Ruusan native Bordon and his sons Tallo and Wend, the ship's crew. This sentence is unclear, especially the ending. I believe I know what you are trying to convey, but it needs rewriting/rewording to be clearer.
 * 7) **Cleared up.
 * 8) * More context needed on the deaths of Irtanna, Bordon, Tallo, and Wend.
 * 9) **Context given.
 * 10) * In the P&T Othone was also a Jedi who was more loyal to the Chancellor and the Senate than the Jedi Council, evidenced by his defiance of the Council during the construction of the Valley of the Jedi. Is this actually stated, or did Othone use the Senate for his own ends to bring about the memorial? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:59, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **It's implied that he is more more to them rather than the council. He stays with the Chancellor for 10 years and ignores missions given to him by the council, and his defiance just reinforces his position.
 * 12) **Thanks for the review. DC 18:42, 28 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Not a problem. Nice article. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:02, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Chack's review:
 * 15) * "Therefore" is used in two sentences in a row in the intro.
 * 16) **Fixed.
 * 17) * I suggest mentioning that he wanted a memorial specifically to honor Hoth.
 * 18) **Done.
 * 19) * I thought Bane was on Ruusan, just not in the cave. Am I remembering wrong? I may very well be, though.
 * 20) **Nope, Bane was in the cave. That's how Darovit knew he survived and that Bane was Zannah's master.
 * 21) * You use Othone too many times in the last paragraph of Ruusan Reformation. Same in the second paragraph of Creating a memorial, and second paragraph of P&T.
 * 22) **Fixed.
 * 23) * Is there an article for Kelad’den blades? If not, please create one.
 * 24) **It's techinically a vibroblade, so I'm linking it there, and I'll add his blades there.
 * 25) * You use vandalize three times in the third paragraph of Creating a memorial.
 * 26) **Cut down.
 * 27) * Didn't his loss of skill come from 10 years as a political aide, with little time to practice his lightsaber skills? If so, this needs to go in powers.
 * 28) **Yep. Added.
 * 29) *Impressive article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:20, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) **Thanks for the review. DC 15:18, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) Tommytime
 * 32) * Your quote formatting needs to be cleaned up, attributions as well.
 * 33) **Addressed via IRC. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:22, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * There were only four Jedi lightsabers on Tython. Worror never carried one.
 * 35) ** Wrong on my part. Raskta Lsu fought with two. In light of that, nowever, some sort of clarification is needed at that part of the article for those who don't know that Worror didn't use one, and that Lsu used two. As it is, it is misleading. Maybe during an earlier mention of Worror you can throw in that he didn't have one, while Lsu had two? —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 05:19, 31 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * In the " Creating a memorial" section, the quote doesn't match the section title. I would suggest either changing the quote or the section title. There are quotes sufficent for what you are trying to say with the title, btw.
 * 37) * "Jedi Master", and other formal titles deserve capitalization.
 * 38) **There was only one "Master" in need of capitalization, which I fixed. "master" (small m) is used numerous times but this is correct; it should be "...described him as Zannah's master" and not "Zannah's Master." In this case it's not a formal title, and such "masters" might be Knights and not Masters (hence the "Known masters infobox field). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:21, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Addressed via IRC. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:22, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * A good copy-edit would do this article justice, IMO. See if you can work that out. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 12:09, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) **I did a pretty extensive copyedit when I was reviewing it. You can look over my edits to the article. If there were any other grammatical fixes, would you mind pointing them out? Cull Tremayne 09:23, 19 November 2008 (UTC)


 * You might want to be more specific when you're sourcing how people responded to the character of Johun Othone. Sourcing to just "Jedi Council Forums" is pretty vague. Cull Tremayne 12:13, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Still waiting for a good copyedit before I proceed with striking. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Dark Side Master TotG.jpg|17px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 02:18, 19 November 2008 (UTC)