Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Jerjerrod


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Jerjerrod

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:23, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Been working on this for a long time.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 21:54, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:35, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:06, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:27, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Lord Hydronium 00:18, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Toprawa and Ralltiir is not as forgiving as I am:
 * 2) * Change the pronunciation to real IPA characters. What's there looks just plain ridiculous.
 * 3) **Done, thanks for the help.
 * 4) * Can we get a main image where the top of his hat isn't cropped off and his mouth isn't open? You can see the spittle between his lips.
 * 5) **Culator took care of it.
 * 6) * A character of this caliber deserves some external links.
 * 7) **I think there were some originally, but two of them linked to non-existent pages on StarWars.com, and another was to a fan site of some sort.
 * 8) ***I've added the two StarWars.com links back, though they still don't work. I don't know if there are any other relevant external links. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:35, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Moar plz. At least his Databank stuff. Perhaps you can site search SW.com using Google. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *****I've been unable to find any more, and the Databank link doesn't belong as an external link. Do you know of any others? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:16, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * The image caption punctuation needs to be gone over more closely; punctuate only in cases of a complete thought.
 * 12) **Should be good now.
 * 13) ***I got the last one. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * It's not even stated in that first sentence of the intro that Jerjerrod worked for the Empire.
 * 15) **Done.
 * 16) * His initial job for the Empire belongs in the intro.
 * 17) **Done.
 * 18) * His birth on Tinnel IV, if any source explicitly states that, needs to be in the intro and body. If not, then it needs to be removed from the "Homeworld" field of the infobox.
 * 19) **Removed from infobox.
 * 20) * Pick whether you're going to call the Executor a Star Dreadnought or a Super Star Destroyer, and only use one version. Otherwise, people who haven't read Saxton's baloney will be confused as to whether there are more than one ship being referred to.
 * 21) **Done.
 * 22) * The transition of "officially" to "unofficially" is a bit blatant. Can something more smooth be found, that states more explicitly that the official reason was nonsense and the unofficial one was the actual one?
 * 23) **Done.
 * 24) * That there was a shield set up to protect the Death Star and where it was generated from should be established where the bunker is first mentioned.
 * 25) **Done.
 * 26) * Gurdun needs some context&mdash;his name out of nowhere means little.
 * 27) **Done.
 * 28) * Endicott, too.
 * 29) **Done.
 * 30) * Skywalker's captivity must be set up before it is referred to.
 * 31) **Done.
 * 32) * All that introspective stuff really belongs more in the P&T than the bio. Actions belong more in the bio, thoughts more in the P&T. Please slim it down.
 * 33) **Moved almost a whole paragraph to the P&T. Let me know how it looks.
 * 34) ***Just fine, but I'd almost resort the information in the P&T. Add things from the other two that are pertinent to the new paragraph. Good job, nonetheless. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * There really needs to be a Legacy section about what happened due to the Death Star's destruction&mdash;and, in terms of Jerjerrod not carrying out his orders, what didn't happen.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * Jerjerrod's attitude about hurrying should be moved further back into the P&T to read less repetitively with the quote that it stems from.
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) * The second alternate version in the BtS is written pretty stiffly. Please increase the flow. Also, the setup of that particular story leaves me hanging; where in the movie does it take place, I find myself asking. Be more specific about where the changes would occur.
 * 40) **I've done my best with that, given that I don't have the Annotated Screenplays and only have the relevant info in an email. You did say you were going to try to fix this, didn't you? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:16, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * Two of those redlinks have to be single-source. Can they be eliminated by the man who did all the research to write this article?
 * 42) **Done.
 * 43) * I think perhaps the image of Jerjerrod being freaked out at the mention of the Emperor should move to the P&T, and the image of Vader choking him should be moved further into the BtS, to balance things out a bit towards the top of the bio.
 * 44) **Done.
 * 45) * Graestan ( Talk ) 14:45, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **I'll take care of the rest sometime later today. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:41, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) Four Dot:
 * 48) * In the intro, you go a bit too in depth, in stating that Jerjerrod was there to greet Vader in 3 ABY, was there to greet Palpatine on the Death Star, and was in Palpatine's throne room, etc. Best to pare these down and keep the intro to significant biographical details.
 * 49) **I left in the bit on his presences on the Executor (because it's so random) and at the Emperor's arrival (because I figured that I needed to say that the Emperor did arrive). I did remove the bit on his appearance in the throne room, because he really doesn't do anything there.
 * 50) * "The Emperor decided to make Jerjerrod his puppet." - You need to elaborate on this a bit more, simply by saying that Palpatine found Jerjerrod easy to manipulate or something. Before this, you haven't really told us that Palpatine needed someone malleable, just that he didn't want ambitious men in charge.
 * 51) **I just removed it, because an explanation would just be repeating the info said in the previous sentence.
 * 52) * "Jerjerrod had originally cursed Supervisor Gurdun, the man behind the IG-88 program, now tasked with overseeing the computer core's journey, for not accompanying the core to the battlestation—in fact, he had accompanied it until the IG-88 unit killed him—but found it better than the supervisor had not been there to complicate the already delicate matter of bringing the Death Star's construction back on schedule." - This needs to be broken up.
 * 53) **Done.
 * 54) * "As the stormtrooper droids unloaded the core," - You need to either explain that these are droids beforehand.
 * 55) **Done.
 * 56) * "Lord Vader arrived in the Endor system via the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Avenger[14] and took a shuttle to the incomplete Death Star. Jerjerrod was informed of the Dark Lord's arrival by docking bay technician Lieutenant Endicott's men, and flanked by Imperial officers, Jerjerrod waited patiently at the bottom of the shuttle's ramp. The commander greeted Vader, calling his arrival an "unexpected pleasure," but the Dark Lord of the Sith cut him off." - This is a bit too PBP.
 * 57) **PBP?
 * 58) ***Nevermind; Tope told me. I've removed the last sentence there, as it really wasn't necessary. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:47, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * "When the Emperor arrived in-system aboard the Executor and took his shuttle" - You've cited this to ROTJ, but I don't recall ROTJ ever stating that Palpatine arrived on the Executor. Have you attributed it to the right source?
 * 60) **Whoops, I didn't. I'll have to find where that came from.
 * 61) ***I removed "aboard the Executor" - apparently I misinterpreted it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:47, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *More to come later. Thefourdotelipsis 01:49, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) Cav is here to put you back on schedule:
 * 64) * Jerjerrod, a Human male, started his Imperial career as a desk general in Logistics and Supply and eventually rose through the ranks. - I doubt he started his career at the rank of general, which this seems to imply. Please clarify. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:12, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) **"Desk general" is the wording used in the source. I don't know what else to use there to avoid confusion. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:12, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) ***I did a little reshuffle. Let me know what you think, and if it accurately reflects the source. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 16:08, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) ****Apparently I did misread it. GG5 says he was a desk general who had risen through the ranks in Logistics and Supply, not a desk general who then rose through the ranks in Logistics and Supply. Sorry about that. Looks good now. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:59, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) Four Dot II: The Wrath of Kahn
 * 69) * "Smiling, and with sixty seconds left until firing, Jerjerrod sat calmly as he gazed out of the viewscreen." - Too much detail.
 * 70) **Done.
 * 71) * The Legacy section has me a tad confused. Does the ROTJ novel flat out state that Jerjerrod's disobeying of Palpatine took over 30 seconds, or something to that effect? Similarly, the idea that it would not have secured Imperial victory seems to be speculation as well. I certainly don't think there's anything in ROTJ stating that. I realize that this was suggested in another objection, but I don't think there's any factual meat here. I think that stating that the Alliance won and that Vader and Palpatine died is quite important, but the rest is a bit of a stretch. Unless, of course, there is a source for those statements. Thefourdotelipsis 23:27, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Removed. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:43, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ***I'm still not sure that his hesitation spared Endor. Is that stated? Thefourdotelipsis 00:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ****Had he followed the Emperor's command to the letter, he would have rotated the Death Star to fire on Endor immediately after the shield bunker was destroyed. I'll clarify a little bit more. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:11, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) *****Right, I getcha. Thefourdotelipsis 21:54, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) Dude, there's a Cite Error.  Graestan ( Talk ) 15:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) *Calm down, Grae, it's not the end of the world. :p Xicer fixed it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:59, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) One minor thing: "Jerjerrod waited patiently at the bottom of the shuttle's ramp." Do we know he was waiting "patiently"? Since you have it sourced to the movie, he may look like he was patient, but may have been hiding impatience or some emotion. So was this meant to be sourced to the novelization?  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:34, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) *Yes, it was meant to be sourced to the novelization, but I guess I overlooked that when sourcing it. Fixed now. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:37, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Needs information from Shadows of the Empire Sourcebook. Page 26 as far as I can see, unless there's more. - Lord Hydronium 06:33, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) *Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:45, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

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