Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;not be tagged due to an excessive number of redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Ordo Skirata

 * Nominated by:ToRsO bOy 18:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First article. Oh boy.

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Your first vote. Good job! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work.  CC7567  (talk) 04:44, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice job :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:15, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Looking good, Ordo is easily the best Null --Jinzler 20:28, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Very good work.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:49, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Peragus II

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second nomination; I've looked over last nomination's faults and, to my beliefs, addressed them. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 19:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:56, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Is good Enochf 10:27, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "Following the events of 3,951 BBY, when the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed due to the Sith Lord Darth Sion's pursuit of the Jedi Exile, and a stray blast from Sion’s ship, the Harbinger, detonating the Peragus asteroid field." Is the "when" in here by mistake, because this sentence makes little sense as is.
 * 3) *"almost destroyed by attempts at" What was almost destroyed? The mining facility or the planet?
 * 4) *"The planet was devoid of any sort of native species, with Peragus II also being devoid of any sort of Human settlements other than the Peragus Mining Facility, a facility sealed to the planets atmosphere other than when exited when wearing a space suit." This reads poorly. Plus, you already mentioned the mining facility; no need to repeat context.
 * 5) *The drift chart info seems unnecessary and can probably be removed.
 * 6) *"The first fuel mining colony established on Peragus II proved to be short of life, when an accidental blaster shot triggered an explosion of flammable substances in Peragus II's crust and mantle, so powerful that it turned a large chunk of the planet into an asteroid field, which would become the Peragus asteroid field, and exposed its core" This bit is confusing and needs to be clarified and written better.
 * 7) *Your referencing is completely unnecessary. If all the info in one paragraph comes from one source, no need to source it multiple times in that paragraph. For example: The second paragraph all comes from KOTOR II. Just have the one source at the end of it, rather than scattered throughout.
 * 8) *Context on Citadel Station.
 * 9) *"After the Jedi Civil War, Telos IV relied on this resource to keep Citadel Station in orbit, and with the most humanitarian elements of the Senate putting their careers at stake in the restoration project, any interruption of the work on the Peragus mining facility was likely to have greater repercussions throughout the Republic. If the fuel supply was somehow compromised, Citadel Station would risk falling onto the planet's surface, dooming the restoration efforts there and throughout the Outer Rim." This is written a bit poorly, and is confusing. The restoration project needs to be explained a bit more.
 * 10) *Context on Kreia.
 * 11) *Rather than having many small pargraphs in the "Skirmish" section, try combining several of them.
 * 12) *What is the Exile's standing with the Jedi?
 * 13) *Context on Goto.
 * 14) *Why did HK-50 want the Exile for himself? To claim the bounty?
 * 15) *Context on Atton Rand, please.
 * 16) *"The destruction of the mining station had a deeper impact than the Exile could imagine." I think this is unnecessary, and it seems OR. Remove it, I'd suggest.
 * 17) *The last sentence of "Aftermath" is really confusing. Who is G0-T0? What is going on?
 * 18) *You refer to it as both the "facility" and the "Facility". Please choose one and stick with it.
 * 19) *When you have an Inhabitants section, there's no need to detail the species that live there earlier. The same with repetitive descriptions of the mining facility.
 * 20) *Linking! You have things that need to be linked, and links that are repeated. I fixed some things for you, but you should do at least some of it yourself.
 * 21) *Having never played this game, I find myself confused at many things described in the article. Please go through, contextify things, and fix up the general prose.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:10, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Alright, I've addressed those. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  08:10, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Attack of the Clone I
 * 24) * Please be careful about what you focus on; the article is about the planet, not about the skirmish on it. Yes, the event was one of the only major events there, but try not to excessively focus on it.
 * 25) * Also, a note for future noms: in the body, be sure to only link to something once at its first mention, even if the body of the article has multiple sections.
 * 26) * "meant that further mining projects were virtually abandoned." Can "meant" be substituted for anything else? Because "meant" is usually used for a statement or something that needs clarification, not an event or action. Perhaps "resulted" or something similar.
 * 27) * In the first paragraph of the "Description" section, the Peragus Mining Facility is mentioned twice, both times with different context. Please change.
 * 28) * "such as the Peragus Mining Facility, which contained a number of miners." The word "contained" makes it sound like the miners were being kept prisoner, or that they were somehow inactive.
 * 29) * "meaning that anyone wishing to visit such places as the Peragus Mining Facility..." See third objection.
 * 30) * Jedi Civil War, Galactic Republic, Telos IV, and Telosian Restoration Project need context. Mandalorian Wars somewhat has context, but it should be fixed up.
 * 31) ** Context still needed for the Republic and the restoration project. Also, the context for the Galactic Republic should appear with the first time it is mentioned; otherwise, it seems confusing if you mention something without context.  CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *** It looks better, but try to mention the context in the same sentence, if possible.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "and miners such as Coorta advocated taking her to Nar Shaddaa to collect the bounty that criminal boss Goto had placed on Jedi." If the word "taking" can be changed to a noun instead of a subject verb, it would sound better.
 * 34) * "and died with the rest of the miners when the droid caused an emergency lockdown to seal off the hangar and keep Coorta from fleeing the Facility with the Exile. First of all, I changed "along" to "with". Also, this part of the sentence is a bit of a run-on; please change.
 * 35) * "Spaceworthy" should be changed to a clearer word.
 * 36) * "As they got to the ship from the docking bridge to the Harbinger, Sith assassins stalked them and Kreia had to duel Darth Sion to allow the others to escape to the hangar through the fuel line." The first part of the sentence goes from "to" to "from" and back to "to" again, which does not seem to make sense. Also, the word "stalked" is too colloquial; please change.
 * 37) * "either incapacitated or incarcerated": try not to speculate. If need be, state it in the "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 38) * For the "Locations" section: when you use "one of two points of interest", you don't mention the second one till a few paragraphs on. It's too big a gap; please change.
 * 39) * The second sentence of the Bts does not make sense; please take a look at it.
 * 40) *I'll take another look after these are addressed. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 03:43, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Fixed, but for your misunderstanding we discussed via the IRC. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:09, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone II
 * 43) *The article is looking good. A few of the objections above remain; please remind me if we covered them over IRC. Just a few more things:
 * 44) * "The assassin droid told the administrator that the Exile was a Jedi, meaning the administrator tried to have the Exile picked up by the Republic to stop miners such as Coorta demanding that she be taken to Nar Shaddaa, to collect the bounty crime lord Goto had placed on Jedi." Run-on, and also uses the word "meaning" in a confusing manner, as I mentioned before.
 * 45) ** The run-on has been fixed, but the "meaning" hasn't. "This meant that" does not change it, and is in fact synonymous to what it replaced. Please reword it. Also, a similar objection to this one remains from my first look; please check above.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "To allow the others to escape, Kreia dueled the Sith Lord Darth Sion." First of all, I fixed up the sentence a little. But why was Darth Sion there in the first place? Without mentioning Sion's purpose, it sounds like he was just randomly there.
 * 47) * CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:07, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *** Please review my objections again; any objections that are not crossed out still remain.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Alright, now addressed, although you seem to have missed me having closed the gap in the Locations section. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:30, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Sorry for the delay; I forgot to look at the timestamps and was confused if you addressed the objections or not. A few still remain; please check the uncrossed ones above.  CC7567  (talk) 06:11, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Good article nominations/Peragus II. Everything here needs to be handled.  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:13, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *I believe I have. Can you point out which one(s) you don't think I've addressed, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:20, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll refrain from voting until there's been some feedback. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Mission to Rugosa

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Was considering nominating a(nother) character, but instead did an event. (I think I may be reaching my limits for GANs...possibly.) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:21, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:29, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:21, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:59, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) You're clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:14, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer
 * 2) * Rugosa didn't join the Republic afterwards. It was a neutral moon. Toydaria did. Rugosa was not a moon of Toydaria either.
 * 3) **Whoops. Got that. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The Episode guide should be added to the sources.
 * 5) **Done. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Did you watch the video commentary on the episode? It should add some Bts info, and should also be added to the source lists. --Eyrezer 08:04, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Added it to the source lists, but unfortunately right now I don't have access to the website. I'll check it later when I do. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **I just watched the commentary, and it didn't really add any Bts info, only for Rugosa and not the mission itself. I don't believe the info was relevant, so since the commentary didn't provide new info on the mission itself, I don't think it should be part of the sources. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:00, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) From the Council Chambers (part one):
 * 10) * Before I even start to review, the article has far too much play-by-play commentary, particularly with regard to conversations. In numerous cases, entire conversations are paraphrased line by line, which is unnecessary. Just skip over these details and report the gist of the conversation. There are also a few action sequences suffering from the same problem. Please rewrite it without the play-by-play, and once that is done, then I will review it. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 22:24, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Addressed, hopefully. I kept some of the conversations which I believed to be more important.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***OK, what you did is fine. I will make a full review within the next couple of days. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:10, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) From the Council Chambers (part two):
 * 14) * I hate to say it, but I'd like to see some context on the Clone Wars in both the intro and body. Yes, most people know what the Clone Wars are, but think about someone new to Star Wars watching the films in order (1 to 6) who jumps on here right after watching TPM to get more info and then starts browsing. He or she would have no clue what the Clone Wars are, having only watched TPM, and therefore I feel a little context is necessary. Not much is needed, just enough to give a basic idea as to what they are.
 * 15) **Well...this has been in debate for a while. It's really just the participants that are required, if any, I believe; I can't think of what other context to put that wouldn't make it excessive. And it's already implied that the Republic and the Confederacy were the participants. I reworded the intro, but I left it how it was in the body. I mean, I know we can't really assume that the reader will know everything about Star Wars, but I don't believe that an excessive amount of context is needed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Fair enough. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Yoda returned into the fray": Slightly awkward; suggest rewording.
 * 18) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "Avalanche" is used twice in one paragraph in the intro plus one additional time in the body&mdash;are there synonyms?
 * 20) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "secretly sent several droidekas to deal with the bothersome Jedi Master.": "Bothersome" sounds POV to me.
 * 22) **Removed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "After observing several baby Neebray mantas, Yoda led the clones to the rendezvous point, stating that it was not polite to be late.": Are the neebray mantas really important? I don't think so. Reword or remove, please. The same goes for Yoda's statement, though I'm less sure about it than the mantas.
 * 24) **Removed the Neebrays part; the reason I kept Yoda's comment is because it's a bit more...comical, I guess, or playful. If you'd still like it removed, I'll go ahead and do so.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***OK, I'll let it go, though someone else might object to it. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Otherwise, it looks good to my half-trained eye. :) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:08, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **Well then, I thank your half-trained eye. :P  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) It needs to be mentioned somwhere why Ventress is there. She didn't just guess that there were going to be negotiatons happening on Rugosa at that exact time. How did she know?  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:24, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *I don't think it was specifically identified. I'll add a footnote, but it might be too speculative if I state that Ventress learned about it from Skytop Station.  CC7567  (talk) 21:38, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **True, although it was heavily implied by the comic dialogue. I thought I read it explicitly somewhere however I'll strike this until I find something. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:18, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Senate hostage crisis

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Possibly going to go for an FA later, but at least half the article's length comes from the "Prelude" section. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

(2 ACs/6 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Dark Lord Trayus 22:41, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Pretty expansive.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 13:25, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The PIE is strong in this one. Kilson Likes PIE 04:37, 19 April 09 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:56, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:24, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) A little wordy, and probably too many redundant links, but otherwise good Enochf 10:33, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Complies with all sourcing/ref policies.  The Flash  {talk} 04:39, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Graestan's preliminaries:
 * 2) * A conjecturally titled article should never begin like "the Senate hostage crisis was&hellip;" Please alleviate this by just diving into the intro and then bolding the word that best describes the topic of the article.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Unsourced items in the infobox.
 * 5) **Drat; missed those.
 * 6) * "Objective" field in the infobox is worded too vaguely.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * The article looks like an image farm. Please cull a few.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:56, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the first look. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 00:14, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) More before I dive in there:
 * 13) * Intro needs to be expanded significantly in terms of the event itself.
 * 14) **Addressed. (If it's actually too lengthy, please let me know.)
 * 15) * Speculative/OR statements abound. Please go over the article and see what may be a reach of the mind as opposed to reporting the facts. Especially look out for statements of the unknown.
 * 16) **Addressed (hopefully).
 * 17) * Context is still lacking in a few areas. I saw the word "Vigo" used quite out of the blue, for example. Please check the article over for similar instances.
 * 18) **Added where needed; I removed "Vigo" altogether, since it's not really relevant.
 * 19) * Certainly also some unnecessary info. I saw some reference to Kenobi that was entirely irrelevant. This is also something to check for.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) *Good luck with these, let me know when you're ready for my full review. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:57, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **For some reason, I have a bad feeling about this, but I believe I'm ready. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 06:11, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) You didn't fix my IRC objection about the droids' origin.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:52, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Which one was this? Sorry, I forgot...and I seem to have misplaced the chat log.  CC7567  (talk) 06:54, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Nevermind...I think it was clearing up the "Bane's test" section, which I just did. If it wasn't that, please correct me.  CC7567  (talk) 07:16, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vril Vrakth

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 11:26, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Zabrak bounty hunter

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:41, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:13, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 09:47, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:28, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * " The skills he learned helped to keep him alive" What skills? Learned as a soldier? Clarify.
 * 3) **Clarified --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "After he was almost killed by them on Almas" By who? Clarify.
 * 5) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Intro doesn't flow very well.
 * 7) **I have rewrote some of it so I hope this is a bit better. Can you specify anything that is wrong with it? --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * WP:LG: P&T comes before Equipment.
 * 9) **Moved --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Quotes for the first two biography sections?
 * 11) **The two quotes that I have included are the only two relevant to this article that exist --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Shortages of food led to a series of violent settlement wars there for control of resources and Vrakth trained as a soldier, so that he could participate in the conflicts." Sentence doesn't flow very well.
 * 13) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Hundar was impressed by his skills" What skills?
 * 15) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * " He would also assist Hundar by serving as his backup while he was chasing a bounty and he would cover escape roots or aide him in taking down dangerous targets." Split this sentence up to make it flow better.
 * 17) *First bio section (mostly the end of the first paragraph and the second paragraph) doesn't flow very well.
 * 18) **Fixed to the best of my ability, if there are still some problems with this, can you give me some specific examples?
 * 19) * "Following the end of the conflict, Vrakth began to work almost exclusively for the newly-formed Galactic Empire and in particular, he served Inquisitor Valin Draco." Sentence doesn't flow well.
 * 20) **Rewrote --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Why would Organa's request for info on Nizon tip Vril off? Specify it.
 * 22) **I don't know, the source states that it did, it doesn't say why --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "He also planned to kill Sartok, the leader of the Nizon resistance, a resistance group that opposed the Empire's control of Nizon." Uses the word resistance twice, a bit redundant.
 * 24) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Quote for the P&T?
 * 26) **As I have stated above, there aren't any --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * Was Vrakth killed in the confrontation? Specify.
 * 28) **He isn't necessarily killed, as this depends on how the player chracters play it. I have already mentioned something on this in the BTS --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *Nice BtS.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:34, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **Thanks --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) Soresu
 * 32) * he was able to capture the Rodian on his own this success to establish himself as a bounty hunter. Not making much sense to me.
 * 33) **Yeah, I screwed up. This has now been fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Vrakth was hired by a local Republic governor Local to where? This occurs in both the intro and body.
 * 35) **I don't know, the source just states that it was a local Republic governor. This might be meant to refer to the governor's position within the structure of the Republic, by having control of a localised area. However, we can't know for sure, so theres not much I can do about this
 * 36) * After he was almost killed by them on Almas by a group of agents working for the Alderaanian Resistance, an anti-Imperial resistance group that was based on Alderaan, Draco sent Vrakth to capture them. Reword. Also, it's unclear who "he" is referring to.
 * 37) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Context on the Resistance in the body.
 * 39) **Added --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * he used situations to their full advantage him. Doesn't make sense.
 * 41) **I have put in an example of this, to clarify things --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone I
 * 43) *These first two aren't objections, but just general things to think about in the future. It generally sounds like the word "so" is being used too much; I got most of them, but consider using different, less colloquial wording in the future.
 * 44) *I'm noticing that some sentences are rather choppy throughout the article, and could simply be merged with others. Since it's rather minor, I've fixed these as well, but please try to catch these in the future.
 * 45) * Okay, this is an objection: when introducing characters, using the word "called" implies that it was a nickname; you can simply state their name as "the Trandoshan *blahblah*" instead of stating what they were called unnecessarily.
 * 46) **Checked for and changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * Also, please be careful about overusing indirect addresses such as "he" and "they"; I corrected some of them, but please do another check. It's confusing, especially right after long sentences when it could apply to anyone.
 * 48) **Checked for --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "Jeyrs Hundar, a bounty hunter who was passing through the world while chasing a bounty": using "bounty" twice is rather redundant; please try to reword.
 * 50) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "to hunt CIS generals": sounds a bit strange; hunt as in find or hunt as in find and kill? Either way, the wording doesn't sound appropriate; please change.
 * 52) **The source just says that he hunted them, it doesn't say how. I have changed it to hunted down --23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "After Draco was almost killed by them on Almas by a group of agents working for the Alderaanian Resistance": who is them, and what was Almas? Also, it sounds like two different groups killed him.
 * 54) **I think I screwed this up when I rewrote while I was addressing IFYLOFDs objections. It has been fixed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "he soon swapped careers": the way that "swapped" is being used right now is colloquial; if it were being used as Vrakth swapped careers with someone else, it would be fine, but since it's not being used this way, please change it.
 * 56) **Reworded --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Vrakth traveled offworld with his new master, who began to train him." It's pretty much a given that Vrakth was beginning to be trained; please remove unless there's something specific that needs to be mentioned.
 * 58) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * Use of the word "alternated" sounds like Vrakth had complete control and choice over what he learned; if this is the case, please be more specific, but if not, please change it.
 * 60) **alternated is the word used by the source, but I have changed it anyway --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * I saw IFYLOFD's objection above about the governor, but I think it requires a footnote that it is not explicitly mentioned where the governor was located.
 * 62) **I disagree, as this seems a bit unnecessary, but I have added it anyway, coz you won't support this otherwise :) --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) ***Actually, looking back, it wasn't really necessary. :P You can remove it if you want to; I thought it would just be clearer that way.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Right now, the fact that the Empire succeeded the Republic is exclusive to the intro; please change.
 * 65) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Again, context needed on Almas here in the body.
 * 67) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "made a request to the Aldera University for information about the planet Nizon, Vrakth correctly assumed that that was where the Resistance team were going to go to." First off, the second part of the sentence needs to be reworded, particularly the use of "that that"; although it's grammatically correct, it's rather colloquial and awkward. "Assumption" can be changed to "theory" or something; the way it is right now makes it sound like Vrakth did it with no research, or that he didn't have the intent of doing anything after assuming it. Also, what did that "correct assumption" allow Zrakth to do?
 * 69) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * What was the purpose of Vrakth asking people in the capital if they had seen recent newcomers? I know that it might be from the same mission mentioned earlier, but the article deterred to Vrakth's defense of his base, so it would be good to restate it.
 * 71) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "When the Nazren began to revolt against the Imperials, Vrakth rightly believed that the Alderaanian agents were behind it": the use of "rightly" sounds strange; please reword it to be specific.
 * 73) **I have changed rightly to correctly. I don't want to sound like an idiot, but what should it be specific to? --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ***Specificity was needed because the word "rightly" could mean different things in this case. It could mean that Vrakth was correct, but could also mean that his belief was in accordance with justice or morals. Also, I changed "believed" to "deduced", because it gave me the sense that someone was manipulating Vrakth.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * What was the "large bounty" for? What did the Empire want?
 * 76) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ***It's still a bit unclear. I see why the Empire put out that particular bounty, but what exactly was it for? What did the Empire want to give a reward for? If it was already stated, it's a bit unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ****Clarified --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * Coruscant needs context.
 * 80) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * "fire the fastest" should be changed to something less colloquial, and so can "make the most of being there."
 * 82) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * "like they did when he deployed them on Nizon": the word "like" is too colloquial, and this part of the sentence requires rewording.
 * 84) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "the actions of the player characters": please check this; "player characters" is unclear.
 * 86) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "If the players reply, then he swears his eternal hatred to them for killing Vrakth." Who swears this exactly?
 * 88) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) *I'll take another look after these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 00:23, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) **Thanks for your feedback, I guess that my writing style isn't the best --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ***That doesn't mean that it can't be improved. :)  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) Attack of the Clone II
 * 93) * "Tricks of the bounty hunter trade": bit awkward and plays too much upon slang; please reword.
 * 94) **Reworded --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * "and he planned to use it as an opportunity to capture them": "them" meaning the Alderaanian agents or the Nazren?
 * 96) **Clarified --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * "Capitalize on" is a bit awkward wording; the way I learned it was that it's applied to usually take advantage of a situation that has already been laid out for you, or one that is really grim, not really one in which you have the choice yourself. As it is currently portrayed in the P&T, the situation doesn't seem to have a downside, and it looks like Vrakth was in control of what his actions were instead of being required to complete something.
 * 98) **Rephrased --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) ***"from being there" makes it sound like he was being paid to simply be there. I've changed it to "during his stay."  CC7567  (talk) 09:47, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) *Good work with the article's improvement.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) **Thanks for helping to improve it --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I have delt with some of your objections IFYLOFD, I will do the rest somewhen in a few days time --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Zelka Forn

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Doctor? Doctor Who?

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Seems mostly fine now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:08, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "After the destruction of the Galactic Republic, the main galactic government of the time, warship Endar Spire, individuals brought in several Republic soldiers who had been seriously wounded in the battle." Huh? Either something's missing or there's extraneous words here, because this doesn't make sense.
 * 3) * "Rakghoul this, rakghoul that": Rakghoul is inconsistently capitalized. Most notably, the term "[R]akghoul serum" is used at least once each way. I seem to possibly remember that Rakghoul should be capitalized, but I'm not sure if that is true or if my crazy brain is making stuff up. Which is correct?
 * 4) *I did a copyedit for you. Remember that the Ref template is only used in the infobox&mdash;you had it in the body, too, which I fixed. Otherwise, it's well-written and easily understandable for someone totally unfamiliar with that era. Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Benevolent is POV. Please remove.
 * 8) * Linking. Make sure everything is linked once in the intro and the body.
 * 9) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 10) * Try not to use "grieved" twice.
 * 11) * After the destruction of the warship Endar Spire. Why and by whom was the Spire destroyed? Also, you haven't established where this event happened.
 * 12) * Despite the Sith government, the government that followed the Sith ideology, having an occupation of Taris, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers. He put a few of the soldiers in kolto tanks, healing medical tanks, in a back room of his facility. this doesn't flow very well. May I suggest something like Despite the fact that Taris was occupied by the Sith, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers, putting them in kolto tanks in a back room of his facility.
 * 13) * In the intro, you say that Revan killed a patrol to obtain the serum, but in the body, you say he found a corpse. Which is correct?
 * 14) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 15) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 16) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 17) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Fixed, although no, Revan looked in the back room. I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu's second look
 * 20) * There are some previous objections you haven't taken care of. In future, put a message after each objection, to alert the objector to the fact that they are all done, and so that if there are any issues, they can continue the discussion. In this case, to keep it organised, I'll strike all the old ones and reiterate any that are still not addressed.
 * 21) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 22) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 24) **I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him.
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure that you can persuade Forn into believing that you are a friend of the Republic. He then opens the door. The other way is to bash through the door of course. Instead of just saying he discovered them, you need to elaborate on how. One of these outcomes will have to be expanded upon in the body, while the other will have to go to the bts.
 * 26) ****Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * After Revan discovers the soldiers, he and Forn have a short converstion, the details of which should be added into the article.
 * 28) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 29) **You haven't added anything about the CSWE entry or his reaction of you give the serum to someone else.
 * 30) ***Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required.
 * 32) **That was added in before hand; oddly, however, the article includes content however isn't showing anything beneath the first paragraph of the BtS. I'll talk to staff about that. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 34) ** I didn't mean for you to delete that info, I was merely saying that it looked a bunch of facts in a list. The info should be restored and integrated into larger, more orgainsed paragraphs.
 * 35) ***Not deleted. Same problem. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * This page currently is not categorised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **It is categorized, but the categories are in the section not showing. By the time you're reading this, they should be fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Hm. Odd. Seems fine now. Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **I'll vote as soon as an AC review comes in. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:12, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 41) *Last names after first mention, please.
 * 42) **What do you mean? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * I'm pretty sure things like "the South" when referring to the Upper City can be dismissed as game mechanics.
 * 44) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "amnesiac Jedi Knight" doesn't quite cut it when referring to Revan. At the time, he was pretty much nothing in terms of being a Force user; I'd almost prefer that his Force sensitivity is left completely out.
 * 46) **Mhm. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * "presumably killed" is speculation. Only say what is known.
 * 48) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * Taris has a "main city?" I thought Taris was a city.
 * 50) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * Again, something like "no known family members" is out-of-universe and speculation.
 * 52) **Removed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * Linking needs to be more thorough.
 * 54) **Hm. Could you point out generally where, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Rakghoul disease needs context in the bio.
 * 56) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * Second paragraph of the bio needs to be broken up; it's a mishmash of not-yet-converged storylines.
 * 58) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * How Shan was on Taris should be provided.
 * 60) **Provided. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * "Which option Revan took was unknown, as neither results in a change of alignment. The nature of the conversation afterwards, unless Revan threatened Zelka, was such that it did not change the plot nor the character's alignment, therefore it's undetermined if Revan ever discovered the soldiers." – This is all pretty unnecessary. You can sum it up by stating that later sources which canonized the light-side path don't mention Forn or the medical facility.
 * 62) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * What exactly is meant by "one thousand and fifteen hundred credits?"
 * 64) **Whoops, addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 67) *City of Taris? Do you mean the planet?
 * 68) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) *Sith government? Was it really a government? Better wording could be used here.
 * 70) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) *Give more information on the rakghoul disease in the bio.
 * 72) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) *Give more info on Revan and the circumstances of his amnesia.
 * 74) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) *Quote for the P&T?
 * 76) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Attack of the Clone
 * 78) * "In his standing and position as a doctor": redundant; choose one or the other.
 * 79) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * "Forn would not refuse help to anyone, regardless of their homeworld, species, political affiliation, personality, or even if he hated them on a personal level": the last one stands out with the lack of a noun; please reword.
 * 81) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "medically help or assist": I reworded it to this, but "help" and "assist" are redundant, and "medically" also makes the wording awkward.
 * 83) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "and individuals brought in several Republic soldiers": unclear; what were the individuals' affiliation?
 * 85) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * "even with the possibility of being arrested or even shot": unclear as to who he would be punished by, and the wording is a bit awkward as well.
 * 87) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * Awkward wording that Forn was upset about the plague; try to word to something clearer.
 * 89) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * "Revan arrived at Forn's facility and convinced him to show them the Republic soldiers, by declaring their loyalty to the Republic." Revan convinced Forn to show who the soldiers?
 * 91) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * What information did Revan agree not to disclose?
 * 93) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * "Although Forn was originally fearful that Revan would betray him, Revan proved him wrong." Sounds strange never mentioning this before; try to move it up. If it happens here, please make it clearer.
 * 95) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) * Why was Revan's alliance with the Republic a problem for Forn and/or his decision?
 * 97) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ***Please check this again. Do you meant, "Allied with the Sith as he was, Revan was in favor of Forn’s choice."? Forn's choice was in favor of the Republic, and this wording makes it sound like Revan was allied with the Sith. Please clear this up.  CC7567  (talk) 07:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * "Revan refused, however, believing Forn needed them more than he and his companions did." Please replace "them" with something more specific.
 * 100) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) * "even if they were an off-worlder, alien, or even if he hated them": same issue with the different elements not matching; please try to reword.
 * 102) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * "Forn considered Revan's spirit very noble": builds too much off of each other using "spirit".
 * 104) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * "for its work on making a Rakghoul serum before it was taken by the Sith": awkward wording.
 * 106) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * "the light side choices are those chosen canonically": do you mean that "the light side choices are canonical"?
 * 108) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) * "Although canon dictates that the most light side choices would have to be taken": bit unclear; please check and/or clarify.
 * 110) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) * Are dark side points bad? It sounds like it from the use of "however"; please check.
 * 112) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll withhold my vote until some feedback comes. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * You're not meant to vote for your own noms. We got rid of that in the GA system revamp. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1)  Only one unaddressed objection remaining, yes, but one that's been sitting here for over three weeks. This isn't getting a lot of activity, and unless there's something done soon, it needs to go.  CC7567  (talk) 02:35, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *My bad; miscounted the weeks. It's only been two, but I still think it needs to be addressed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:48, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Defender (Venator-class)

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 08:00, 3 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Apparently Anakin got tired of blowing up droid control ships from the inside, so he decided to stab one with a freaking Star Destroyer.

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Per pre-nom review.  CC7567  (talk) 06:07, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:51, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Per review below.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  01:23, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:47, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Intro: you mention Tuuk's "lead ship". Please use something less awkward here, like "command ship", or something similar.
 * 3) * Intro and First Assault: you link to the Grand Army of the Republic navy, but never to the actual Republic Navy itself. Please rearrange some of the links so that you connect directly to the Republic Navy.
 * 4) * Second Assault: you say "Skywalker opened a hololink", but in the episode, it doesn't appear to be a holo&mdash;it's a screen like the one used early in TPM. Is there any technical word for what he used? (If not, this isn't a big deal, and don't worry about it.)
 * 5) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi beacon ) 13:17, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **I don't think there is a technical term for what they were using to communicate, so to be honest, I don't really know what to use. I addressed the other two objections though. Kilson Likes PIE 18:57, 2 May 09 (UTC)
 * 7) ***That's ok; I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything else to use there. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:51, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Lucius finds his way in a Star Destroyer... Scary
 * 9) *Good job. Here are just a few things.
 * 10) * Just a minor note: you should probably create a redirect like "The Defender (Venator-class)" and others, if you deem it necessary.
 * 11) **I don't really think it's that necessary, however, if someone else agrees with you, then I'll create one or two.
 * 12) * The Clone Wars needs context in the intro. (I guess it does need it, CC.)
 * 13) **I fixed up the grammar here.
 * 14) * ...under command of the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk. Should be "which was under..."
 * 15) * ...and put the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk in charge of the fleet. Sounds rather clumsy.
 * 16) **Should change to placed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:09, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Addressed
 * 18) * I recommend switching the head quote with the second assault quote. The current second assault quote is better for a header, as it is a good, descriptive quote and briefly tells the ship's history, while the current header would be better for the second assault section.
 * 19) * In between "complete scan of the Defender" and "discovered", there should be a context clue stating that Mar Tuuk and his crew discovered Anakin.
 * 20) **I didn't put it exactly where you want it, but I think it sounds good.
 * 21) * An error in... It should be stated that it is an animation error, or whatever kind of error it is.
 * 22) * Mauser is correct; TCSWE was published before Storm Over Ryloth.
 * 23) **Sorry, I did not know that, I fixed it.
 * 24) *Lucius malfoy7 23:11, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **I addressed your objections, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:37, 5 May 09 (UTC)
 * 26) Soresu's first look
 * 27) * Doesn't conform with the new starship LG.
 * 28) * Around 22 BBY, the planet of Ryloth was seized by the Separatists, and a large Confederate fleet was placed over the planet to blockade it, which was under the command of the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk. You can't be commanding a verb. I would suggest Around 22 BBY, the planet of Ryloth was seized by the Separatists, and a large Confederate fleet, under the command of the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk, was placed over the planet to blockade it.
 * 29) * "Under command of" is too repetitive in the intro. Also, I think under the command of sounds better and is more correct. Please go through the article and change all cases.
 * 30) * However, she disobeyed orders, thinking she could reach Tuuk's Lucrehulk flagship and destroy it, and the Defender and the other two Star Destroyers were heavily damaged by Vulture droid suicide attacks without the cover. Split the sentence and use something other than "cover", since it's already in the sentence before it.
 * 31) * Eventually, after losing most of her squadron, Tano returned to the Republic task force, the Defender and the Resolute were able to retreat to hyperspace, but the Redeemer had taken too damage and broke apart in space. Reword.
 * 32) * At first, Tuuk believed the Jedi's lie, but after a complete scan of the Defender discovered that Anakin was the only life-form aboard, Tuuk uncovered Skywalker's deception. Reword.
 * 33) * The Resolute arrived out of hyperspace to engage what remained of the Confederate blockade, and Tano's forces were able to defeat the remaining frigates. Remaining is repetitive.
 * 34) **How about now dude. Kilson Likes PIE 22:00, 07 May 09 (UTC)
 * 35) Grunny:
 * 36) *In the "Description" section you have used the specifications for a stock Venator, however, we don't know that the Defender is exactly the same. It may have been modified especially considering it was in use during war time i.e. extra weapons, different hyperdrive, bigger or smaller crew. Unless the source specifically states the Defender has those specifications you can't assume it does. Try to only use information confirmed about the Defender.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:04, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Addressed, thank you for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 19:53, 27 May 09 (UTC)
 * 38) Sorry for the post-vote, but can the article be less subsectioned? There's no reason for the Battle of Ryloth section itself because that was the only battle it was involved in.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Wasn't TCSWE published before Storm Over Ryloth first aired?  Mauser  Comlink 12:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I believe so; I corrected it.  CC7567  (talk) 06:19, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Jorad

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 22:50, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: a typical Jedi-turned-Dark-Side-Adept

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 18:18, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:15, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good work; sorry about the confusion :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:11, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:15, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "He was captured by members of the Inquisitorius, a group of Dark Side Adepts who served the Galactic Empire, a galactic government that had succeeded the Republic." Context builds off of each other way too much; please remove one. The Empire would be the more likely one, as it's rather self-contextualizing.
 * 3) **Fixed --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***"Perform his duties" and "perform his role" are both a bit awkward word choice. The first sound like he did chores, while the second is just a bit awkward. Please see if you can reword.  CC7567  (talk) 15:41, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I have rewrote both of them, but I slightly disagree with your logic. Inquisitors were essentially glorified errand boys for Palpatine --Jinzler 17:01, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****I'm not sure; it gave me the sense that in doing chores, they didn't enjoy what they did. I wasn't sure of this, so I'm striking it, but feel free to change it back if you wish; it was just rather awkward wording.  CC7567  (talk) 18:18, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Jorad was assigned to serve his masters": issue in both the intro and the body; it previously stated that he became an Inquisitor, and that implies that he held equal rank instead of being a subordinate. Please clarify.
 * 8) **Rephrased --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "'Jorad was able to evade death": bit awkward wording; sounds like he was trying to prevent dying a natural death or become immortal. Please reword.
 * 10) **Rephrased --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "but was eventually captured by members of the Inquisitorius, an order of Dark Side Adepts who served the Galactic Empire, the Republic's successor government, as Jedi hunters." Same context issue as before; please smooth out flow.
 * 12) **Fixed --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * CC7567  (talk) 23:11, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Soresu
 * 15) * I wouldn't call Palpatine ruler of the Republic. More like head.
 * 16) **Rephrased --Jinzler 09:40, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * It could probably be made more clear that the Republic was destroyed and the Galactic Empire became its successor. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:09, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Clarified --Jinzler 09:40, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) The Grand Master
 * 20) * "Following the declaration of Order 66, an order that called for the execution of the Jedi, many Jedi were killed and the Galactic Empire, the Republic's successor government, began hunting down the survivors." This is long/awkward, please reword.
 * 21) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * In the middle part of the intro, you use "became" several times. Please reword.
 * 23) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "When a team of Alderaanian Resistance agents traveled to Prakith to free Jedi Master Denia, who had been captured by the Inquisitorius, Jorad located the agents in Prak City, and engaged them in combat and attempted to capture them." The second "and" is a little awkward. Please reword.
 * 25) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Jorad was able to survive the resulting purge, that was implemented by the Galactic Empire, a galactic governement that had replaced the Republic." Also awkward, please reword.
 * 27) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "His role there was to patrol Prak City, the planet's capital city, to locate any Force-users there, so that they could be taken to the Citadel Inquisitorius, the headquarters of the Inquisitorius, for questioning." This is somewhat of a run-on. Break it up or reword.
 * 29) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ***I don't wish to sound rude Jon, as I appreciate you taking time to review this article, but does you lack of striking of this objection mean that you do not believe I have adequately delt with it? --Jinzler 22:43, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****Yeah, that part was fine; it's just the new wording is also slightly awkward (see below). Do you want me to fix it? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:49, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *** "After finding any, he would take them&hellip;" This is a little awkward now. Please reword. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:15, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Hopefully, it sounds better now --Jinzler 23:06, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "He was bilingual and in addition to Basic, he could also speak Bocce." Grammar issue; please fix.
 * 35) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * You state several of his combat techniques in the P&t section; they should be moved to Powers and abilites.
 * 37) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 01:26, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Calo Nord

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:17, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope it passes.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Smart.  Mauser  Comlink 18:36, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) *The intro currently seems rather disproportionate to his history; the intro is currently half the size of the history section. Please see if you can cut it down some. Notably, his activity on Taris can be shortened as a whole.
 * 3) * "When he was no longer one of the hunted, he became one of the hunters" I understand the embellishment, but it's not appropriate to the article as formal writing; please change.
 * 4) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***No, it's still there; just reword it in general.
 * 6) ****Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "When the Sith began to bombard Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was Nord's rival&mdash;and the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk." This sentence is very confusing; please check again.
 * 8) **Try it now. I rearranged the second paragraph, and I think I made it clear that it was Shan, Onasi, Ordo, and Revan who were stealing the Ebon Hawk, the original version just said "they".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***I put this down instead: Shan and her companions—the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—attempted to steal Kang's flagship. I removed the "who was one of Kang's employees", and the "former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * It says in the intro that several people put the bounty on his head, while in the body it's only one.
 * 11) * "She, the former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was also one of Kang's employees&mdash;attempted to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk so that they could escape Taris." Unclear; please reword.
 * 12) **I did put "Shan and her companions" down, but I think that who her companions were is important.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Well, now context for Revan is missing. I think you can say that Revan was a Sith Lord and leave it at that; anything more will disrupt the flow. It was mainly the multiple contexts for Revan that bothered me because it made it unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 18:48, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****That's cause I created two sections, "Battle of Taris" and "Endgame", the 2nd paragraph has the context on who Revan was.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:25, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "to take everyone down with him" makes it sound like he was descending into somewhere; reword please.
 * 16) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "and told the Sith Lord, along with the Sith Admiral Saul Karath": Unclear whether the admiral was addressing the Sith Lord with Nord or was part of the audience.
 * 18) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "and to capture Shan alive, if possible": unclear whether if he wanted to capture Shan alive, "if possible," or whether he wanted to capture Shan "if possible."
 * 20) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***No, it's still unclear.
 * 22) ****How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "Nord and a group of thugs": can "thugs" be replaced (in all places it appears) by something less colloquial and more specific?
 * 24) **What else could I really call them? I can't call them mercenaries because they weren't, same deal with boubty hunters.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:35, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***If I might intrude and propose synonyms: They were enforcers, minions, henchmen (henchbeings?), [professional] criminals, subordinates, followers. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Thanks for the suggestion, Skippy Farlstendoiro. Put "henchman" down instead of thugs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *"Nord gave the former Sith Lord credit for leading him on quite a chase": too colloquial.
 * 28) **How about this? Nord told Revan that he gave him credit for leading him on quite a chase, however, Nord said him that no one could escape him in the end.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***It's the dialogue, mostly; that and the following sentence are a bit distracting from the events. Try to see if you can shorten it a tad.  CC7567  (talk) 15:58, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "When Revan tried to get Nord to agree to a deal": please replace "get", as it's too colloquial. Also, what was the deal?
 * 31) **I replaced it with this: When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting,. How's that?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Why is Nord's species and gender all the way down in the P&T instead of at the beginning of the body?
 * 33) * First sentence of the P&T is rather POV-oriented; please try to reword.
 * 34) **This is from his entry in the databank, however.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Nord's loyalty was to hard credits, and sometimes, to the thrill of the hunt.": please try to reword.
 * 36) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***It's still just too confusing, and the embellishment isn't working. Please just remove this and reword the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 16:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ****Except this is also stated in the databank's entry on him, so I can't just ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *****The DB entries aren't necessary good formal writing. In this case, the embellishment isn't working because it's making the sentence too confusing. Find a different way to state it. What did this loyalty mean?  CC7567  (talk) 23:54, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ******Adjusted it to "whoever had the most credits".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) *I'll take another look after these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) One:
 * 43) * On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters and murdered his parents. - Databank says he murdereds his parents after the slavers, but not exactly on the same day.
 * 44) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * You should state that he was taking assignments from everybody as long as he was paid. Both in the intro and the bio. The fact that he worked for the Republic in the Core should be mentioned as well.
 * 46) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * You say that Revan, Canderous, Carth and Bastila were all trying to steal the Ebon Hawk, while in the game only Revan and Canderous are required to be present at that moment, and only one other party member is accompanying them. Need to clarify both in the intro and the body.
 * 48) **This is where it gets tricky. Yes, you can only have one party member, but Karath clearly tells Malak that Shan was aided by Carth Onasi, and when he introduces Nord to Malak, he says that he was there when Bastila and Carth escaped the planet. I feel that this overrides the game mechanics, but incase it doesn't I just mentioned Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ***Ah, get it now. How about you explain all this in an additional reference?
 * 50) ****Use same tags, but instead of a link to a source, just type a text with a clarification.
 * 51) *****Take a look at it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ******I choose to rewod it myself, please check if it's okay with you.
 * 53) * Unsourced paragraph in the P&T.
 * 54) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "He also carried four stun grenades and two thermal detonators... Nord carried 2,000 credits on his person." - sounds a lot like game mechanics. Needs serious tweaking.
 * 56) **I believe I've taken care of this. Since the exact amount of grenades and detonators is stated in the campaign guide, I couldn't ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ***Better now.
 * 58) * Optional: If you use Mission quote about Iridian Plague, I suggest you mention it somewhere in the body as well. In that case you will also need to create the respective article.
 * 59) **Huh? What respective article, since it already exists?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ***Well, I decided not to wait and created the article myself. I also removed a link from a quote.
 *  Mauser  Comlink 08:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Two:
 * 2) * I noticed that you have no content whatsoever about the fact that Revan infiltrated Kang's base and that Nord was present there during the Destruction of Taris. Also, please check if Nord had any dialogue with Revan or Canderous in a scene where Davik shows Revan his temporary apartments.  Mauser  Comlink 06:45, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Now it looks like you put too much content in those two paragraphs. You definitely don't have to retell every single line of dialogue for example - just mention that Calo was taunting Canderous and drop everything else. Also, you describe the tour of the Davik's estate (irrelevant in content to Nord) but forgot to mention that Revan was pretending to be part of the Exchange in the first place. See what you can do about it.  Mauser  Comlink 15:16, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Try it now. (I meant to put his down yesterday)--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:53, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll take care of these objections as soon as I can, in a matter of a few days.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:21, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * By the way, if you notice that the context for Carth says he's a commander, sccording to the KotOR campaign guide, he is, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: Procedure

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 04:07, 16 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:For once, I don't have a stupid joke to make. It's a six-page web comic, what can I say? :P

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 11:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) NaruHina; Devil's Advocate
 * 2) * I'm sorry, but this article needs a lot more info. It needs a Conception section and a Production section (Or at least a Development section to cover these.).
 * 3) **I changed the Bts to a Development section.
 * 4) *** It needs more info relevant to a development section. That info is fine as a Bts but it has nothing to do with the conception of the comic, so it doesn't qualify currently as a "development section." Just something more about the purpose of it (why they're doing these parallels) and maybe even the creators' discussions about it would suffice this. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:30, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I believe mentioning who created the comic is relevant in the development section. Also, since the comic is so small, there really isn't much information on the Procedure out there. I did put in how it was paralleling the show, but other than that, there really isn't much I can put in there. Kilson Likes PIE 17:44, 23 May 09 (UTC)
 * 6) * It should have some kind of Reaction section, for response by critics, but I'm a little flexible on this one as it is a six page web-comic.
 * 7) **Well, I can't really find any real reactions other than a few fan reactions on some small websites. I don't think a reception section is possible.
 * 8) ***Well, send the sites to my talk page and I can judge if they're noteworthy, IMO at least. Its very possible, even if it is mostly or all fan reaction. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * It needs to be sourced (i.e. the Infobox and Bts). (And no, not all that info is sourcable to the comic itself)
 * 10) **Added
 * 11) * Nowhere in the article does it say that it is part of a series of comics paralleling the show.
 * 12) **Added
 * 13) *** I'm not finding the addition. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:30, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****First sentence in the Development section.
 * 15) ***** That should also be in the intro. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ******Added
 * 17) * The plot section should be much more detailed. For example, there is no mention of the planet Bormus.
 * 18) * Context on Anakin Skywalker.
 * 19) **Context added
 * 20) * "Anakin Skywalker speaks to Supreme Chancellor Palpatine and Senator Ask Aak via hologram, asking them whether or not he can use the new Y-wings starfighters against the Confederacy's new weapon." What weapon?
 * 21) **Added
 * 22) *** The intro too. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Context on Twilight.
 * 24) **Added
 * 25) * Context on Bormus Testing Facility.
 * 26) **I already gave some, but I added a little more
 * 27) * "However, after Skywalker and Tano bring up telling the Supreme Chancellor about how the Gran delayed their efforts, the worker allows Skywalker to take the fighters." A bit confusing. Reword.
 * 28) **Reworded
 * 29) ** Oh, I forgot. It needs a Main Characters section. In this case, its likely all of the characters in the story with names and the Gran, who should probably have his own article.
 * 30) ***Added
 * 31) *Good luck. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:42, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Lucius malfoy7
 * 33) * My preliminaries.
 * 34) ** Development needs a lot more work. Any Bts/interesting stuff you can find needs to be included.
 * 35) ***I put some extra stuff in there, but as I said to Naru above, there really isn't that much information out there.
 * 36) ** Please expand/reword in the sections that Naru has explained, and these:
 * 37) *** When they reach the facility, Anakin speaks to a Gran working at the facility while Matchstick and Broadside, members of Shadow Squadron, secure the fighters. R2-D2 gives the worker falsified documents stating that Skywalker can take the new starfighters, but the Gran refuses to give the Jedi the Y-wings because it violates procedure. Run-on.
 * 38) ****Fixed
 * 39) *** Overall plot expansion.
 * 40) ****Expanded
 * 41) **I'll review more once these are addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   02:29, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Fett's 2 cents
 * 43) * "Skyalker" Misspelled Skywalker
 * 44) **Fixed :)  JangFett  Talk 00:08, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "Skyalker, his personal astromech droid R2-D2, Tano, and Shadow Squadron take off in the Twilight, Skywalker's personal G9 Rigger freighter." Needs rewriting, possibly begin with Skywalker took Shadow Squadron along with...
 * 46) * "When they reach the facility" Whose they?
 * 47) **Added
 * 48) * "At first, the clone troopers guarding the starfighters don't allow the pilots near the ships." Why?
 * 49) **Added
 * 50) * "However, since Broadside and Matchstick have a Jedi with them that outrank the guards, they are allowed to secure the Y-wings." You introduced 2 unknown characters and you didn't introduce them previously. Possibly add they belong to Shadow Squadron.
 * 51) **Ummm... look at the first sentance in the second paragraph, "Anakin speaks to a Gran working at the facility while Matchstick and Broadside, pilots from Shadow Squadron, secure fighters." Kilson Likes PIE 17:52, 23 May 09 (UTC)
 * 52) * "The Gran worker, however, allows Skywalker to take the fighters after the Skywalker and Tano threaten to tell the Supreme Chancellor about how the Gran delayed their efforts." Needs a rewrite.
 * 53) **Added
 * 54) *Overall this article has potential and with more expanded context Ill give you my vote :) Ill update if I see more that needs to be fixed.
 * 55) **Yeah, I probably nominated the article prematurely, thanks for the review dude. :) Kilson Likes PIE 20:54, 24 May 09 (UTC)
 * 56) * JangFett  Talk 23:53, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) The development section would be an appropriate place to make some mention of Pablo's intentions as to the Gran in the comic. --Eyrezer 04:25, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) Here we go:
 * 59) *Leading quote? I'm sure an appropriate one can be found.
 * 60) *In the intro, it needs to be made clearer that it was part of TCW web comic series, not just a "web comic". I'm intending for you to also get out the choppiness of the first two sentences by merging/rewording them.
 * 61) *"Drawn" needs to be varied in word choice.
 * 62) *It wasn't specified that Matchstick and Broadside were able to access the Y-wings at the facility because they had a Jedi; that was just dialogue. It was heavily implied, yes, but not clarified. That sentence needs to be reworded to avoid speculation.
 * 63) *"stating that Skywalker can take the fighters" needs to be worded less colloquially.
 * 64) *All the people mentioned in the Bts need to be given context in terms of the television series.  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *"stating that Skywalker can take the fighters" needs to be worded less colloquially.
 * 2) *All the people mentioned in the Bts need to be given context in terms of the television series.  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to strike NaruHina's objections (AC only)

 * 1) He won't be here for a while, and for now, they appear to be covered. Anything remaining can be addressed by others.  CC7567  (talk) 03:16, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:17, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:25, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Vote to strike Lucius malfoy7's objections (AC only)

 * 1) Sadly, likewise with reasons above.  CC7567  (talk) 22:33, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Wow, anyone who objects to this nom should really be careful from now on. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:35, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 22:46, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Battle of the Hungry Ghost

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 16:06, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None, just pass it

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 01:15, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Looks good. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:19, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * For a "minor battle", the intro is rather disproportionate. Please see if you can cut it down some.
 * 3) **I'm not exactly sure how to do that, can you tell me which parts I don't need?&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***You have to use your own judgment for this. However, the prelude in the intro doesn't need that much, and overall, there are some details (key word, "details") that could be cut out. If you still need help, let me know.
 * 5) ****I still need some help, because I don't exactly know what to cut out.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:57, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****I'll leave a message on your talk page soon.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Good, I just need to know what to take out and what to put in in the intro.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:51, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *In the future, for ref tags in the infobox, please remember to use Ref templates.
 * 10) **Thanks for the help.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * The Hungry Ghost needs context in the intro. It's mentioned (and linked) later in the intro with context, yes, but it comes too late.
 * 12) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *** You might want to add the stuff about Rokk and his pirates' ownership of the craft here, because it's a bit confusing coming later.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Now it's done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "hundreds of thousands of pieces of Death Star wreckage": too wordy, please shorten.
 * 16) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * They "scavenged" some of the parts of what?
 * 18) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Millennium Falcon ' s affiliation? It's unclear at first and confusing.
 * 20) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "The pirate, wishing to get the cargo the Millennium Falcon was carrying, bombs, sent out fighters to disable the ship, which they executed successfully.": "get the cargo" is too colloquial; also, the sentence overall is confusing. Please check this.
 * 22) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *** The "the cargo it was carrying, bombs." is rather choppy; please try to rephrase. The embellishment doesn't really work here.
 * 24) ****Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***** Colloquial wording still remaining; please check.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ******Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived and confronted the pirates. Luke's fighter, however..." It would be better to say that he arrived in the fighter first.
 * 28) **I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *** It would be better to say "another Rebel, Skywalker, arrived in his fighter and confronted the pirates." because it's at first unclear about how he arrives.
 * 30) ****Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Unclear if "tyrannical" applies to the Empire or the Death Star. Also, it's slightly POV-oriented.
 * 32) **Removed tyrannical, you're right about that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * It's confusing as to why Skywalker and Solo are "future members". Just say that they rescued her and became members later.
 * 34) **Removed future.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Solo decided to investigate and find the unknown ship": investigate and find are rather redundant; please choose one or the other. Also, it's confusing as to why Solo would have to "find" the ship, because if he "tracked" it, didn't he already know its location?
 * 36) **True, chose investigate because it sounds better and he couldn't find it because of the wreckage.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***It's not very clear why his view being obstruction would cause him to investigate the ship itself.
 * 38) ****He assumed it was Imperial spies.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *****It's still unclear. I don't understand why his view being obstructed would lead him to investigate or believe that the ship contained Imperial spies. Please clarify this.  CC7567  (talk) 06:25, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters. These TIE Fighters, however, were not of Imperial ownership, but were painted red, leading the crew to believing they were not dealing with the Empire." These two sentences are too choppy. Also, "dealing with the Empire" can be worded to be less colloquial, because it sounds as if they're actually arranging a deal with the Empire.
 * 41) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ***They're still rather choppy; please try to merge them.
 * 43) ****It's still two sentences, but I evened them out more.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *****Is it for certain that the TIE Fighters were not of Imperial ownership simply because they were red? If it's not, perhaps reword to "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters that were painted red; their color scheme led the crew to believe that they were not of Imperial ownership."
 * 45) ******I used your text because I couldn't think of anything better.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "that Rokk liked to give his victims slow deaths": please change "like" to something less colloquial and more specific.
 * 47) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "The red TIE Fighters, however, hit the Millennium Falcon exactly where the weak point was." What weak point?
 * 49) **It doesn't say in the book, so I won't mention it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ***Even if it hasn't been specified, the sentence itself needs rewording; it's unclear what the weak point belonged to.  CC7567  (talk) 23:34, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ****I left the whole weak point thing out.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "and the Falcon was forced to dock to Rokk's ship. After docking aboard the Hungry Ghost": bit redundant here.
 * 53) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "Rokk revealed that he would take the Millennium Falcon ' s cargo, bombs." Rather choppy, and the "would" needs to be changed into a more appropriate verb tense. He "planned to take" the cargo, perhaps?
 * 55) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *** This sentence now makes the following content of the article unclear, as there's now no mention of the bombs being the Falcon ' s cargo in the body.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Changed.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:09, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "almost hitting crucial parts of the ship in the process": which ship?
 * 59) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "After arguing about escaping" needs rewording.
 * 61) **Done - changed to "arguing about escape plans".&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *There's a lot of overlinking I'm noticing throughout the article; only link the first time something appears and the first time it appears in the body, and no more. Also, there's a lot of full names being used when a last name would suffice, and there are also first names being used when last names should be used; unless there are two people with the same last name, last names should always be used after the first mention. I've corrected these, but please keep this in mind in the future.
 * 63) **Thanks! This is actually one of my first times writing a long article by myself, there is a lot I need to learn.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "Lunged himself," where it is used both times, needs rewording. It's either he "lunged at Skywalker" or something different; the word isn't meant to be used this way.
 * 65) **Done, I need to start looking up words I'm unsure of before I use them...&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * "Luke escaped through the hatch that lead to the Millennium Falcon, along with R2-D2, and his protocol droid, C-3PO." It sounds as though Threepio is R2's protocol droid. Please reword.
 * 67) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Can it be mentioned earlier that Skywalker was a Jedi?
 * 69) **Done - "Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and member of the Alliance" in the first paragraph.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * "Rokk turned all of the laser cannons on the fleeing freighter": needs rewording; this part is slightly colloquial.
 * 71) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "got out of range": "got" is rather colloquial.
 * 73) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * When you say that Solo activated the detonator, it's unclear that the bombs were on the Ghost. You mentioned before that they were being loaded from the Falcon, but it was never specified.
 * 75) **Done - added a small bit where I talk about the spider droids.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * CC7567  (talk) 17:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Fett's 2 cents
 * 78) * "'Millennium Falcon, prepare to be boarded!". Millennium Falcon doesn't have to be in bold.
 * 79) **It's that way because of a coding error. I've fixed it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ***Understood CC :)  JangFett  Talk 23:05, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ****Thanks for fixing that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "They broke free of the cables that held them to the ship and evaded laserfire from the Hungry Ghost." Who broke free?
 * 83) **Context from the sentence helps this out a bit but I changed it anyways.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "Before Skywalker could attack, a laser turret aboard the ship fired and wounded him." Make sure you identify who this ship is. Which ship?
 * 85) **I specified it as being behind Rokk, who is aboard the Hungry Ghost.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * JangFett  Talk 20:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) Soresu
 * 88) * The quote captions should be more descriptive. Just the name of the speaker isn't enough. You need to give some context.
 * 89) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * Context on the Death Star in the intro.
 * 91) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived in his starfighter and confronted the pirates. Skywalker's fighter, however, was damaged in the ensuing battle, However is repetitive.
 * 93) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * Leia Organa, a founding member of the Alliance to Restore the Republic, was rescued from the Death Star, the Galactic Empire's planet-destroying superweapon, by Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and member of the Alliance, Han Solo, another member of the Alliance, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Jedi Master aligned with the Alliance. Alliance is too repetitive, making the sentence confusing. See if you can contextualize Obi, Han, and Wormie all in one go. For example, you could just say that they were all members of the Alliance, since Luke and Obi-Wan being Jedi doesn't affect the battle in any way.
 * 95) ** Actually, I do need the Jedi bit but I'll change it up to make it shorter.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *After notifying Rokk of Skywalker's survival, Rokk ordered the pirates to destroy Skywalker before he caused trouble. Rokk notified Rokk of Skywalker's survival? Don't you mean After being notified of Skywalker's survival, Rokk...?
 * 97) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * a laser turret behind Rokk fired and wounded him. It's unclear whether "him" refers to Rokk of Skywalker. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:37, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) The comic this battle is in was also published in Star Wars Tales Volume 2. Consequently, you need to reword the Bts which says it was only in SW Kids. --Eyrezer 09:40, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) *Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) Attack of the Clone II
 * 103) * The objection about the obstruction of Solo's view in relation to his investigation of the ship is still remaining above; please check it.
 * 104) **I removed the obstruction thing because now I re-looked at the comic and it says nothing about that. It just says they scan it and investigate.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * "He managed to make it into the Hungry Ghost ' s hangar bay, and then on foot through the ship, continually being chased by the pirates." Lack of a verb in the second part of the sentence is making this confusing. Also, if you change it to say that Skywalker was "running" through the ship, please make sure to remove "on foot", as it would be redundant.
 * 106) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please try not to excessively use the word "then"; it makes articles excessively chronological and play-by-play. I've corrected one or two, but please go through the article again and omit the unnecessary uses.
 * 108) **There were no other uses of the word "then," you can check yourself.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ***Really? I'm noticing at least five.  CC7567  (talk) 18:53, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) ****I just copied the whole thing to Notepad and looked for the word "then". Even after rereading it, I can't find it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:11, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) *****Perhaps use the "find" function. To name a few: "The pirates then docked to the Millennium Falcon, intending to take the bombs the Falcon was carrying." "Solo then triggered the detonator, destroying the Hungry Ghost." "The Rebels then evacuated their base before more Imperial troops arrived." Those are just a few, and there are two others in the article. Not all of them are necessary, and I suggest removing those that aren't.  CC7567  (talk) 21:34, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ******I'll keep that in mind. I deleted all of the "then's".&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:58, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) *******I did a bit of rewording and restored one, as the sentences were left a bit choppy. (That's what I meant by removing the ones that were unnecessary.)  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) Toprawa:
 * 116) *You have some serious sourcing issues throughout. There are a number of independent sources that I'm not sure have any way of verifying the information in this article. Let me provide you an example of what I mean: The infobox's battle succession fields claim that the Evacuation of Yavin immediately preceded this battle, and you source this information to the original Classic Star Wars comic. That CSW comic in no way verifies that this specific battle in this article followed the Evacuation of Yavin. You need to use a source that makes that connection directly. If there is no connection, those fields should be left blank. Please check all of the information in this article relating to these instances of independent sourcing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:00, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) **Actually, it does. Death Star Pirates begins with Rebel ships jumping to hyperspace, and Luke says, "See you at Hoth," or something like that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:08, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ***You completely misunderstood everything I've just explained. You use Race for Survival, the original CSW comic from 1983, as a source for the Evacuation of Yavin preceding this battle. In no way, shape, or form does Race for Survival back up this information. You need a source that literally says "the evacuation of Yavin preceded the Battle of the Hungry Ghost." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) ****Ah. Okay.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) *****Same thing now with reference notes 3 (A New Hope) and 4 (Empire Strikes Back). The films don't exactly work as sources for that information. This really shouldn't be a tough change, but try to find more relevant sources. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:34, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) * Additionally, this article would really benefit from "Prelude" and "Aftermath" sections to complement "The battle." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) **I actually already had a prelude and aftermath, but it didn't say "prelude" and "aftermath." I've changed it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Malevolence

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 01:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it is done :)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Battle of Sullust (Galactic Civil War)

 * Nominated by: DjMack 03:45, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) "The Expanded Universe never elaborated on the said event until Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron was released in 2007, giving the details of the battle." - Not true, Star Wars: X-wing Alliance featured the massing of the fleet at Sullust. Thefourdotelipsis 06:02, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've never played that game, would you be able to add any info that comes from that game into the article? DjMack 06:51, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **It's actually quite a large level, and will require a fair bit of work. I suggest asking around on IRC - I personally won't be able to get that info in the forseeable future. Thefourdotelipsis 23:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Clone prelims
 * 5) *Sourcing in the intro is a big no-no.
 * 6) *The intro overall needs to be expanded. What happened during the battle? Not to the point where it's disproportionate to the length of the article itself, but only stating the battle's purpose is not sufficient.
 * 7) *I don't know why, but there are unnecessary spaces between each ref. Please go through the article and fix.
 * 8) *Date needs to be mentioned in the intro.
 * 9) *No links in quotes.
 * 10) *Is there a specific reason that the article's name has the date? If not, it needs to be Battle of Sullust (Galactic Civil War).
 * 11) *Please link to the actual articles instead of redirects, as you did for Darth Vader.
 * 12) *Please refer to the Manual of Style and Layout Guide and make sure that the article adheres to both.
 * 13) * CC7567  (talk) 07:40, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Mauser
 * 15) *Crop the IGN logo out of the onfobox image.
 * 16) *"humiliating Darth Vader during the Battle of Hoth" - needs context.
 * 17) *In casualties section: Possibly entire garrison - an Assumption.
 * 18) * Mauser  Comlink 20:04, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Duel on Mustafar

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 15:43, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sources added and fixed up few spelling errors.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) All sources are added, great job cleaning up. — Excelsior,   The Flash  - ( Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay! ) 15:48, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Mag

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 22:57, 25 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I didn't put a P&T in because there really isn't that much information, and CC agrees.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink  22:36, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Per IRC review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:01, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "Assigned to field-test an assortment of subzero gear, the squad was met with many problems. One of which was an elusive and deadly species that Mag's squad encountered, which they nicknamed the "ice men"." Choppy, and it makes it sound as though testing the gear and the Talz were connected; I don't believe they were.
 * 3) **How about now?
 * 4) * There's a bit too much flurry between the fall of Glid Station and what Skywalker and Kenobi's mission found. It needs to be stated (when it happened) that Glid Station was caught in the middle of the conflict. I would suggest trying to deduce how.
 * 5) **Added a little to the end, but honestly, there really isn't that much context on what /exactly/ happened.
 * 6) ***It appears that after Shiv and Mag were killed, the base was caught between the droid-Talz conflict, because the base was still apparently intact when Shiv and Mag were killed. The article is focusing more on the Jedi's mission and the analysis of the events than what actually happened, and it makes it sound as if all of it is speculation. Even if the exact situation isn't known, it's best to get it as close to it as possible. I would try to state what happened and then say that the Jedi discovered it, if need be.  CC7567  (talk) 23:30, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Not really sure what you want me to say exactly. That was pretty much what I was saying before. I put some more stuff in there, how about now? Kilson Likes PIE 1:32, 28 May 09 (UTC)
 * 8) *****It needs to be stated from a more neutral perspective rather than that it was discovered by the Jedi, i.e. "The base had been caught in the Talz-droid conflict, and the Jedi later discovered this on their mission". (That's not the wording that should be used; I'm only using it to give you the idea.)  CC7567  (talk) 05:03, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *I'll scrutinize the article a bit more later, but I'll leave you with these for now.  CC7567  (talk) 03:35, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Tried addressing your objections, thanks for the review CC. :) Kilson Likes PIE 19:27, 27 May 09 (UTC)
 * 11) Mauser:
 * 12) * If the infobox says he was born on Kamino, it should be mentioned in the bio as well.
 * 13) * Context on Glid Station is in the intro, but not in the body.
 * 14) **There already is context in the first paragraph of the body.
 * 15) * Optional: maybe you could start the bio with one sentence covering the fact that he was a clone of Jango Fett, born and trained to be a part of GAR and eventually earned the nickname Mag before jumping to events in 22 BBY?
 * 16) *Looks fine otherwise.  Mauser  Comlink 07:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **I addressed the other objections, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)
 * 18) Attack of the Clone II
 * 19) * I created a redlink for the Orto Plutonia CIS base; might want to create a stub for it.
 * 20) *The intro says that Kenobi and Skywalker were Jedi Master and Knight, respectively, while the body states they were Jedi Generals. Please pick one and stick to it.
 * 21) **I meant for you to choose either Master and Knight or Jedi Generals for both mentions and be consistent; please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 23:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***OK, added.
 * 23) *That's pretty much it; good work.  CC7567  (talk) 22:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Addressed all. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll get to looking it over once more soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Kilson, I need to discuss possibly adding a P&T for the article over IRC; I'll catch you when you're next on.  CC7567  (talk) 22:25, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Mission to suspected Confederate space

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 04:40, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One of those minor TCW events that no one pays much attention to or cares about. :P

(1 ACs/6 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) No one might care about the event... but it's a solid article, and it's got my vote.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:17, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Another great job :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:06, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Per IRC Review (I really do too many of those) Kilson Likes PIE 01:44, 30 May 09 (UTC)
 * 4) You write well.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 01:43, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Doesn't it feel strange writing about Rex? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:49, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * No, it just eventually gets boring, because he appears in too many places. :P  CC7567  (talk) 18:15, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:28, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Very nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:05, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) * Seeing a lot of over linking
 * 3) **Don't see where. Mind pointing out?
 * 4) ***You linked 22 BBY, Clone Wars, Anakin, Ahsoka, Astromech Droid, Jedi General, Padawan, CIS, R3-S6, Galactic Republic, Anakin's Delta-7B starfighter in the Prelude when you have linked them in the intro. You also linked Twilight in the intro and linked it again in the Battle section. Ruusan Moon is linkd in the prelude, and linked again in the aftermath  JangFett  Talk 23:48, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****The intro and the body are separately regarded in linking.
 * 6) *****Not to be rude, Im going to look into that because your article looks like a link exchange than a GA nom.
 * 7) ******And so do many other current GAs. It's not officially a requirement, but there's nothing wrong with doing so.  CC7567  (talk) 00:11, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Nevermind, it's a rule that's still in effect.  CC7567  (talk) 02:43, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ********Discussed in IRC review
 * 10) * After you introduced participants in your intro, seeing usage of their first names in the body instead of their last names. Notably in the prelude.
 * 11) **I'm not seeing that anywhere; all the times after the full name is introduced, last names are being used. If you mean Rex, it's because he doesn't have a last name.  CC7567  (talk) 23:36, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Not Rex, But Anakin and Ahsoka in the prelude. Also you mentioned their Jedi military ranks and linked them (prelude) while you originally stated them in the intro and linked them there.  JangFett  Talk 23:48, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Their first names are being used there because that's the first time their full names are being mentioned in the body. And as for the linking, same as my comment above.  CC7567  (talk) 23:57, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * JangFett  Talk 22:47, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Toprawa:
 * 16) * One minor thing for aesthetic purposes: The first sentences of the introduction and history sections start out identical. I would request you mix one up a little bit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:36, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Got it, thanks for the look. :)  CC7567  (talk) 05:50, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Nice work. I would have gotten it myself, but I didn't want to mess around with sourcing and thought I'd let you decide where you wanted to tweak. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:05, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Corona-class frigate

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 18:58, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As far away from Gastrulans as possible.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:57, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:05, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) (Somewhat) returning to the GAN page
 * 2) * I know that the article currently isn't against the MOS (with the lack of italics for "Corona"), but is there a chance you can reword some of the "Coronas"? It's sometimes a bit tricky to establish the difference between fanon in this case, because the ship classes aren't always addressed. It's also a bit confusing, because it appears the Corona is an individual ship itself.B If you disagree, that's fine, but it's just something to consider.
 * 3) **I understand what you're saying, but the alternative is to use a lot of "vessel", "ship", and "frigate" to replace it, which I don't think works when we know the actual class name. I've changed a few to remove overuse of the word, however.
 * 4) * "Coronas required a crew of seven hundred and eighty-two to operate, with fifty-six gunners, but could be manned by a skeleton crew of two hundred and eighty-one." Just slightly on the choppy side; could use a little rewording.
 * 5) **Tweaked it a little.
 * 6) * Was the Boldheart a Corona or not? Bit unclear.
 * 7) **I thought the fact that it was in the notable ships section was a clue, no? :P Clarified the situation. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:11, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Good work otherwise, Cav. :)  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Throughout the article, you switch between numbering things using words (such as "twenty-five"), and numerals (such as "2"). For consistency, pick one and stick to it.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:40, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *Fixed. All numerical values in the article body have been changed, apart from those designating years. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 07:38, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to the Vulture's Claw

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:42, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yet another unexpected, minor TCW event that I didn't foresee.

(0 ACs/5 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice work CC :)  JangFett  Talk 11:02, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks great!&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 20:40, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:51, 01 June 09 (UTC)
 * 5) I do believe you are very good at writing. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:29, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Prelude: "as the information stored inside the droid would prove fatal in Confederate hands." Fatal to what?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Why did Nachkt promise R2 to Grievous? Could a reason be specified somewhere in the article?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:38, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For general info/interest, the article is about 989 words according to Microsoft Word, so just below the FA requirement.  CC7567  (talk) 04:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Having finally read Wild Space, I've realized that some continuity troubles have been introduced. I've done the best I could, but the novel has really disrupted the events between itself and the episode. Or the changes could be minor, but are just giving me a bad headache. In any case, the Twoconflicting tag is now up there, as well as for the Mission to suspected Confederate space and the Mission to Skytop Station&mdash;although it's really this event that was affected the most, as you can now see from the painstakingly long Bts.  CC7567  (talk) 06:22, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Laudable

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 19:35, 29 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my previous Kite nom.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 01:01, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Just a few minor things that I copyedited. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 00:50, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:18, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * "...ordered another sweep of the surrounding area just to be sure" - this is a bit awkward looking. Maybe rephrase into something like "to make sure no signs of enemy activity would be missed"?
 * 3) * Optional: maybe you could mention Nune's species in the intro?
 * 4) *Looks fine to me otherwise.  Mauser  Comlink 07:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Addressed both, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:57, 01 June 09 (UTC)
 * 6) Attack of the Clone
 * 7) * "Cyborg Confederate General Grievous" is rather a lot of context for a character that's not even directly affiliated with the ship; please at least remove "cyborg".
 * 8) * It's not actually certain how the Laudable was destroyed. Yes, A Galaxy Divided implied that the Malevolence destroyed it with its ion cannons, but that wasn't for certain. Also, because of that, you might want to mention the inconsistency between the web comic and the podcast (the one I mentioned as a refnote in the Battle of Phu).
 * 9) **I added the refnote, but I think it is pretty obvious that the Laudable was destroyed by the Malevolence's ion cannons.
 * 10) ***Sorry; I meant to say that it was implied that it was destroyed by the laser cannons. Please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 23:02, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Addressed
 * 12) * Please try to vary word choice for both "sweeps" and "enemy activity"; both are used twice rather redundantly.
 * 13) * In the body, there's again a lot of excessive context for Grievous, and this is causing context for the Malevolence itself to be mentioned in the following sentence of its first mention. Please try to reword it so that context for the Malevolence appears in the same sentence as its first mention.
 * 14) *More coming later when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 06:35, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **I addressed you other objections. Thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 19:58, 01 June 09 (UTC)
 * 16) Attack of the Clone II
 * 17) * "As Kite and Nune were finishing up their conversation" and "As the Malevolence began to destroy the Laudable" both excessively start off with "as"; please try to reword and remove the redundancy.
 * 18) * Similarly, in the sentence "The last commander of the Laudable was General Ares Nune, who commanded the Star Destroyer at Phu." even though it is used in different forms, the word "commander" is used twice. Please try to diversify word choice.
 * 19) * CC7567  (talk) 01:42, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Addressed both. Kilson Likes PIE 00:41, 06 June 09 (UTC)
 * 21) Soresu
 * 22) * along with an audio recording of Nune taken during the attack that had survived the battle. It seems like "that had survived the battle" refers to the attack. Please reword. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:52, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Actually, that one was my faulty wording; I've taken care of it.  CC7567  (talk) 05:58, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***I'll support when your objections are addressed then. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:00, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) Toprawa:
 * 26) *I realize that HoloNet news story is contradictory, but I think it would be best to still present this contradictory information in the article rather than just leaving it as a ref note. Sometimes news stories are contradictory, even in the SW universe. You could just say something like "Despite the Laudable's quick destruction, the HoloNet reported that...etc." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:52, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Duel on Rhen Var

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 00:13, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Let's see just how good it is.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:17, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 05:36, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Cloned
 * 2) * "However, he quickly realized that she, like he had once done, was allowing her anger to drive her dangerously close acceptance of the dark side of the Force." Please check this sentence; it's unclear whether the "acceptance of" is the direct object of the verb "to drive"; it's not making much sense.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "the galaxy remained in prolonged a state of recovery": please check; "in prolonged" doesn't seem to be a proper prepositional phrase.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Looking good otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 05:56, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thank you sir. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 20:07, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) From the Council Chambers:
 * 9) * "he hired a fervent Jedi-phile spacer": Can we get something other than "Jedi-phile"? It's unclear.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * "Sylvar accepted his offer and made haste for Rhen Var.": "Made haste" is an idiom and therefore colloquial; please replace.
 * 12) **I so love that phrase;) Addressed.
 * 13) * "Hoggon, who had been secretly watching the contest [&hellip;] Before he could be stopped, the spacer shot Ulic at point-blank range": It would be extremely difficult&mdash;if not impossible&mdash;to "secretly watch" something from close enough that you could quickly shoot at "point-blank" range, so please clarify how this is possible.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) * "In an interview conducted by Wookieepedia administration,": You may want to reword this per our Avoid self-references guideline&mdash;either remove the self-reference altogether or simply provide context on the Wook.
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) *Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 05:04, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks, MJ. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 05:28, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Might be missing a few sources, I'll add them tonight if so. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 00:13, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Found them all, so far as I know. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 22:47, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Zak

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 07:21, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No work to do, and a quiet good article

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Comments
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First off, the intro should not be sourced, while the rest of the body should.
 * 3) **I believe that this one still remains. Please read this page for more information on how and what to source. Let me know if you want help with this one :).
 * 4) *** Yes i need some help with this. --Clone Commander Lee 17:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * Intro: You have no context for Rugosa, or why Yoda had to be transported there.
 * 6) ** Now the Toydarians have no context, and it is unclear why Zak would take Yoda to Rugosa, a neutral moon, to meet with the Toydarians.
 * 7) ***"During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 8) * Biography: It's unclear in the bio why Katuunko wanted a Jedi to be sent.
 * 9) * Biography: context is missing for Asajj Ventress.
 * 10) ** This one still remains. For context, simply add what the subject is. For example: "Supreme Chancellor" is context for "Palpatine". In this case, Asajj Ventress was a Dark Acolyte, so when introducing her into the intro and bio for the first time, you could put (in the case of the intro) "...ordered there by Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress..."
 * 11) * Biography: "in order to save General Yoda from the superior frigates". What about the frigates was so superior? It is unclear here why the frigates are so dangerous to Yoda, and what made them superior (i.e., their firepower? size? etc.)
 * 12) * Biography: Why did Yoda order him to launch all the pods? How would that fix the problem?
 * 13) * The Personality and traits section could be beefed up a bit. I'd suggest adding why Zak was afraid of getting Yoda killed, or being more specific on why he cared so much. Right now it's a little flat.
 * 14) ** In trying to add why, you have merely made speculations. Make sure you can back everything up with facts. He was most likely not just loyal to the Republic, but also his Jedi commanders, and was concerned for Yoda's life. The last sentence of the P&t is now grammatically incorrect as well, leaving the meaning rather unclear. I'll take another look once you fix these :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 14:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***I've gone ahead and cleaned this up a bit myself. In the future, make sure that you don't have any speculative information; also remember to check your grammar for errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 12:11, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ** I#ve finished with these edits. --Clone Commander Lee 18:36, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Mauser:
 * 19) * Republic frigate: first, you link to it twice in the intro; second, one of the links leads to redirect instead of the actual Consular-class cruiser (Charger c70 retrofit). Remove one of them.
 * 20) *P&T requires expansion.
 * 21) ** No more datas given. --Clone Commander Lee 07:55, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You can said about how he operated under attack, about how he have reports to his Jedi General - lots of things to talk about.
 * 23) ****Better now, try to expand it a little more to make it interesting to read.
 * 24) * When you talk about Katuunko talking to Palpatine etc., you should add a reference to The Clone Wars: Prelude, as it isn't shown in the Ambush itself.
 * 25) * Source for the "First year of the war"?
 * 26) * Isn't Zak a Clone naval officer according to The Clone Wars Campaign Guide?
 * 27) * "Jedi Grand Master Yoda, Zak and two Coruscant Guard troopers were sent to the planet on a Republic frigate along with clone trooper pilots and commander CC-4477, with Zak in command of the ship." - a bulky sentence, needs to be rewritten.
 * 28) * Asajj Ventress, who asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves. - it was said by Dooku, not Ventress.
 * 29) *Also made small fixes along the way.  Mauser  Comlink 07:29, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ** Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 08:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 08:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *Also, since Zak is a redirect page, I suggest you move your page to that name and then add Template:youmay to both your page and Zak Arranda.  Mauser  Comlink 08:47, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) The Grand Master, part two
 * 35) *First, please see my standing objection above: "During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 36) *Intro: "during the Clone Wars. During the war&hellip;" This is slightly redundant when read as such. Could it be reworded, so that you don't say "during the" quite so close together?
 * 37) *Intro: it is unclear why Ventress ordered the frigates to intercept Yoda.
 * 38) *Intro: If Zak is a captain, (as you imply at the end of the intro) then his rank should be mentioned and linked earlier in the intro.
 * 39) *Biography: You say that Katuunko ruled the Toydaria system, but I'm pretty sure he ruled the planet of Toydaria. Please check this.
 * 40) *Biography: "was sent with Zak in command of the ship." What ship? You haven't mentioned any ship thus far.
 * 41) *Biography: "Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." This is grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 42) *Biography: The above sentence doesn't seem to make sense with the rest of the article. I've seen the episode, so I understand what you're trying to say, but you need to work it into the article better in order to show its significance.
 * 43) *Biography: "Zak wanted to retreat immediately in order to save General Yoda from the larger and more heavily-armed frigates." You should probably mention first that the frigates were better, and then say that Zak wished to retreat in order to protect Yoda's life.
 * 44) *Personality and traits: "He also was calm during the attack and managed to bring the ship to safety and spoke very respectful with Yoda." This is a run-on, and is also grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 45) *Personality and traits: "He also personnally overtook the communication with the Toydarian Royal Delegation and was worried when he received no answer." This sentence doewsn't really make sense. First off, it could be worded more clearly, and second off, I don't see what this has to do with Zak's personality. It sounds more like something that he did during his life, in which case it should be placed in the Biography.
 * 46) *Personality and traits: You use "He also" two sentences in a row. I would change at least one of them, so as to avoid repetition.
 * 47) *Behind the scenes: You need to ref the fact that he was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker.
 * 48) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:01, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) A few more from Mauser:
 * 50) *"Upon arriving on Rugosa, Katuunko was approched by the Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress and a hologram of Count Dooku. Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." - I fail to see how exactly is that relevant to Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 03:12, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Okins

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:33, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another temporary Executor commander. 987 unhappy words.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 06:09, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Well done, Tope. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:14, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 20:08, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "Okins successfully led the Executor in a tremendous rout of the Rebel shipyard, destroying hundreds of vessels in a grand victory.": "tremendous" and "grand" both sound slightly POV.
 * 3) **I understand your concerns, and I've changed "grand" to "great," which, like "tremendous," is meant to convey size. Taken as is, these should not fall under POV. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***OK, understood. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 06:09, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "The Emperor tasked Vader with the responsibility of personally overseeing the shipyard's destruction, against the Dark Lord's own preference.": a bit confusing, since technically both are Dark Lords of the Sith.
 * 6) **Changed. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "not caring to waste the Executor ' s firepower on such insignificant targets." This may be Okin's opinion, which is OK, but as written, it sounds POV.
 * 8) **I think this kind of nitpicking, with all due respect. The sentence is indeed meant to be read from Okins' own perspective, which you seem to have successfully picked up on. The only way to change this would be to state "on what he considered to be insignificant targets," and I really don't think that's necessary here. This isn't gratuitous POV violation. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***OK, understood. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 06:09, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 05:56, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thank for your review. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:12, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Can you try to reword the "you" to a different perspective? It's a bit unspecific, and in any case, I don't think addressing the reader is the best encyclopedic tone.  CC7567  (talk) 19:17, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kastays

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:36, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Project: DarkStryder

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) The Plaque looks like a pie. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:44, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Fair enough. Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:50, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 08:33, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Nice job. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good to go.  CC7567  (talk) 00:15, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Perhaps the cause of the fall of the Aaris could be made more clear. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:47, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Clarified, hopefully. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:56, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) The Grand Master
 * 5) * In the quotes, I believe that by "translation notes", you mean that the quotes were from Kastays's notes, which were translated by the Imperial scientist. This, however, is rather unclear, and should be changed: maybe to something like "From Kastays's notes, translated by..."
 * 6) **Changed.
 * 7) * "The city" becomes rather repetitive in the intro. I'd replace at least one.
 * 8) **Changed one.
 * 9) * "A scholar of some importance..." Well, was he important or wasn't he? What made him so? This is kind of vague.
 * 10) **It's never mentioned. He was a scholar, he was important enough to have a tower in the main governmental complex, but beyond this, nothing else is known. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 21:41, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 18:01, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

DS-181-4

 * Nominated by:  Grunny  ( Talk ) 13:57, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More extras

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:16, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Great job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 17:41, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:01, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) I remember when this was merely a regular article, as well as I remember how DS-181-3 used to be a stub that I expanded. Great job on how far this article has become. Hanzo Hasashi 03:26, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:28, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) --Eyrezer 06:51, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Can you explain what flying in a reverse position means? What is the reason for not treating the guy's appearance in ESBSE as canon? --Eyrezer 00:54, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *All that's given is that he flew in a reserve position during combat, without any further explanation as to what was meant by the statement, whether it is simply backing up Phennir or being held in reserve while others were in combat. The reason for not treating his appearance in ESBSE as canon is that we can't confirm it is the same character only the same actor, it is the same situation with Chiraneau. Thanks for reviewing, Eyrezer :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 01:02, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **If I may put my two cents in, because this same situation has affected at least one of my own articles and a number of ESB/ROTJ articles with which I've been involved that have treated this the same way, there is a source that does in fact place Jerjerrod as being on the Executor in ESB, but there is no source that identifies any of the other officers as being there. We have numerous examples of one actor playing several roles in different movies (Joe Johnston, for example), and that doesn't mean they're all the same person even though they would obviously have identical physical appearances. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:06, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Bessen

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:03, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor GA Security trooper. One more for WP:LE and Outcast.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:54, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:02, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 00:18, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Reviewed in IRC. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:44, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) That had to be one of the easiest reads I've ever experienced. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 02:09, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Battle of Falleen (Clone Wars)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:19, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Prelude to and second-to-last of CloneProject Droid Retrieval. Somewhere around 750 words.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) One more for WookieeProject TCW. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:50, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job yet again. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice! --Eyrezer 07:20, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * "But" is repetitive in the intro.
 * 3) * Nitpicking here. Taking a detour from his course to Bothawui, and set his sights on capturing the planet of Falleen, seem a little contradictory. The first seems to imply that he was forced into attacking Falleen, bt the second seems like a solid decision on Grievous' part.
 * 4) * This one's also rather nitpicky. but as they engaged the lightsaber-wielding Dark Acolyte in combat, Ventress soon gained the upper hand. "As they" refers to the present while "soon" implies at least some events in the future. Please reword.
 * 5) **Addressed, thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:20, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The Grand Master
 * 7) * "The King" becomes repetitive in the intro. Could you put a synonym in for one of them? Maybe even just call him by his species as "the Falleen", or something similar.
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * "...to coordinate several attacks on Republic forces on three separate fronts." Does "several" in this case refer to the "three"? If so, then this is redundant.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * "...the King arrived and prepared to kill Ventress." It sounds to me like he was already "prepared" to kill her. Could this be reworded?
 * 12) **It's simply a less colloquial form of the fact that he "got ready" or was "about" to kill her. Whether or not he "was prepared" to kill her is irrelevant. If I change it to that he "targeted" Ventress, it's not going to be clear that the King had the intent of killing her.
 * 13) * I was going to change the quote in the Aftermath section to the Dialogue template, but I figured I should check here first to make sure there's not a reason for it to be a quote template instead. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 13:51, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **I personally don't like using quotes with the Dialogue template so that they turn out like a script. I do it when it's necessary to distinguish between speakers, like when there's more than two, but I don't see why it needs to be used here.  CC7567  (talk) 21:06, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Ok, no problem. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kathol Protector

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 21:33, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Project DarkStryder continues unabated.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:43, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good after a copyedit. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 00:34, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:39, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) I'm assuming it's here just because it's currently only a couple (literally, just two) words under 1,000.  CC7567  (talk) 21:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * In 8 ABY, shortly after the liberation of the sector capital of Kal'Shebbol, the Kathol Protector assaulted the planet Kolatill after the population overthrew their Imperial governor and declared their allegiance to the New Republic. After is repetitive.
 * 3) **Changed one.
 * 4) * The ship required a crew of three thousand, five hundred and five—which included twenty gunners—but could be crewed by one thousand five hundred beings if the need arose. Required would imply a mininum crew number.
 * 5) **Amended.
 * 6) *And that's it. Good job. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:16, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Many thanks for the review. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:06, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) In the intro: "In 8 ABY, following the liberation of the sector capital of Kal'Shebbol, the Kathol Protector assaulted the planet Kolatill after the population overthrew their Imperial governor and declared their allegiance to the New Republic." I don't think that both the "following the" and "after the" are needed. This compares the event chronologically to two different things. I belive that the later one is used as context for the liberation: could these be combined, either before or after the other information in the sentence?  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:28, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *I reworked the intro a little. See what you think. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:07, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Jedi (Sacking of Coruscant)

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:11, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Read one...

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Addressed via IRC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:30, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Cool trailer. This article will probably require some updating over the next few months. We might even discover his name. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:53, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:02, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Awesome job fleshing out a great article with a very limited amount of information. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:21, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job. Yes, hopefully, we'll find out his name.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:47, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master reads one...
 * 2) * Intro and Bio: Multiple times you refer to this Jedi's "colleagues" or "allies". I think you need to specify that these companions were Jedi, too, or else it could be mistaken that the Sith were attacking just this one Jedi. (It gets confusing since "Jedi" can be plural or singular)
 * 3) * The last sentence of the P&a seems to be a little redundant/out of place. I'd remove it, or reword it to be less specific: maybe just say that the Sith managed to get past his defences.
 * 4) * In the P&t you use "even as" twice in the same sentence. Please change one of them.
 * 5) *Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:12, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Do we know that the Jedi was aware that the intruder was a Sith? The article would seem to imply it.
 * 8) **It would appear so, given that this Jedi gathered a group of other Jedi to confront him. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Blade gets repetitive in the section describing the duel.
 * 10) **Should be better now. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * drove it into the floor where the Jedi had been only a moment earlier. The Jedi evaded the strike Only a moment earlier would mean that the event had already occurred. Evaded the strike describes an event in motion, so this is out of chronology. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:12, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Reworded slightly. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) JMAS
 * 14) * Image-wise, the article is very boring. The two images look virtually identical - the Sith and the Jedi facing each other. You would have no idea he is being stabbed in the second image if you hadn't seen the trailer, or been told so by the caption. Since the image is in the P&T/P&A sections, it seems to me that having an image demonstrating one of his powers and abilities would be better and add more diversity, image-wise, to the article. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:56, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Frankly, that image wouldn't add to the article, because the quality of that image isn't that good - unless it's just me, but the Jedi's face looks blurry. If you could upload a better version, I'll consider it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***I disagree about the quality of the alternately proposed image. I still think the virtually duplicate is rather visually boring, even having the picture of his fallen lightsaber would be better, but I won't let that hold back the nom. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:39, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ****I've changed it to the image you suggested. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:51, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Sorry to take back my vote, but I'm certain it will be very temporary. "As he lay dying, the Sith told him how the Jedi Order had been deceived, and that the Republic would fall as a result." Do we have some official confirmation whose voice is providing the narration? It could be the Sith Emperor for we know, but there really is no evidence that the Sith told him that. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:12, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Based on this Sith's expression during the time the line is said, it appears that this Sith is speaking the line - although his mouth is obscured, his cheeks do move in accordance with the line. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:01, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *** *chuckle* OK, I still that might be straining conjectural boundaries. But watching it, I guess I can see how you'd come to that conclusion. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:21, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) Jinzler
 * 22) * The trailer appears to be quite significant, so could you create an article for it and then link to that, rather than its url. This objection applies to the unidentified sith as well --Jinzler
 * 23) **Seeing as articles for trailers have never been created (to my knowledge, at least), I'm inclined to disagree. As far as I can tell, there's nothing wrong with using the url. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:25, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***I was just thinking that it would be slightly different in this case. With a trailer for a film, the trailer shows content from the film. However, this trailer seems more of a prequel to The Old Republic, so shows content that doesn't appear in the game and possibly won't do anywhere else. We create articles for Wizards.com articles, rather than just linking to the url and we have articles for two other SWTOR.com videos, so why should we not have one for this one? --Jinzler 13:36, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****On the advice of Darth Culator, I created a subsection in the BTS of the TOR article because, even as he said, an article isn't necessarily justified in this case. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:55, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Just one: can "make a move" be reworded to something clearer?  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:01, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Sith (Sacking of Coruscant)

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:11, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: ...and then read the other!

(2 ACs/5 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) ...and then the other! Objections dealt with in IRC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:48, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:31, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:11, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Awesome job fleshing out a great article with a very limited amount of information. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Again, good job. Not so sure if this dude's gonna be ID'd.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:39, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Sources good - no runoffs seen.  The Flash  {talk} 05:32, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Does the trailer specifically identify there as being 25 Sith? I've watched it and don't recall specifics for the number involved.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:09, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Count the red lightsabers. There are 27, so I changed the wording to say "...at least twenty-five..." -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:57, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) **With all due respect, this is my nomination, and I'm capable of handling any objections. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:11, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ***With all due respect, you expanded the article and put it up for GAN, yes. But I created the article, and it was me who put the number "twenty-five" in the article before you started working on it. I thought it was encouraged for others to help with minor things like this, and as I saw no tag at the top of the article, I thought helping overcome an objection would be welcomed. That clearly isn't the case on your noms, so feel free to revert the edit. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:29, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ****All right, let's let this end right here. The article currently reads "at least twenty-five Sith" and I think it's best that way. Tranner, if you want to change it, I'd appreciate it if you could please discuss it with me in IRC first.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:31, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *****We've both apologized and settled this privately, but I'm sorry for my reactionary and harsh statement. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:40, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ******Wait... wait. "There are 27, so I changed the wording to say "...at least twenty-five...""? O_o! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:58, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *******It seems that every time someone watches the trailer, they come away with a different number. :p So to avoid any potential future edit wars over this, I think JMAS's solution is best. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Soresu
 * 8) * Apparently, Cylka once found "an obscure CT that states that we shouldn't have links in the bolded titles in in-article titles". This goes for your other nom too.
 * 9) **Done for both. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * long believed to have been destroyed over a thousand years earlier. Either long or a thousand years earlier is redundant.
 * 11) **Fixed. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Soon he engaged the Jedi who had originally stood in his way. You haven't established that any singular Jedi had originally stood in his way, so it seems as if Jedi is being used as a plural.
 * 13) **Fixed. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * and disgracing their Order in the eyes of the Republic. What source di that come from?
 * 15) **It's from the Timeline 1 trailer, and it's the reason why the Order moved to Tython then. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * A number of things in the trailer description can be added to the article, such as: he is one of the "strongest Sith Warriors", and his mission was to "to destroy the planet’s defense grid mainframe hidden in the heart of the Jedi Temple." SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:25, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Good catch. I suppose I was so focused on the events themselves that I forgot to read the description. :p Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Can slightly better wording be applied to the last sentence of the intro? I know that it's grammatically fine, but I think it could be made clearer of the Sith's success during the Sacking of Coruscant vs. the actions that they accomplished (destroying the Temple, killing half the Council, etc.). Also, for "their Order", I realize that you mean the Jedi, but the subject of the sentence itself is the Sith, so it's a bit unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 22:15, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:06, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) JMAS
 * 21) * Same as the Jedi objection. "As the Jedi died, the Sith told him how the Jedi had been deceived—and now that the Sith had returned, the Republic would fall." Do we have some official confirmation whose voice is providing the narration? It could be the Sith Emperor for we know, but there really is no evidence that the Sith told him that. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:18, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **(See above.) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:06, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***(See above) -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to Tatooine (Separatist Crisis)
> JangFett  Talk 01:04, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: A off TCW project, though related to the Clone Wars :)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Comments
 * 1) As for the Duel on Mustafar, please make sure you have every appearance and source covered. Any mention of the death of Shmi qualifies as at least an indirect mention, and as this had an extremely lasting impression of Skywalker, I'm quite sure there's more.  CC7567  (talk) 01:41, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed and added few more appearences/sources. However, Anakin/Vader's attachment problem can get squeezed out of most of the EU sources. Massacre on Tatooine mentioned few times during the Clone Wars. I'll try to find more appearances.
 * 3) A little more for now:
 * 4) *Is this a mission, a "massacre" or something else? The layout of events isn't clear. It needs to be clarified what happened during the event and what happened in the prelude.
 * 5) **Addressed and fixed the intro.
 * 6) ***I just want to clarify with you that it's the whole article itself, not just the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 02:29, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Addressed and added a ending sentence in the Prelude that states "they went on a mission to Tatooine to find his mother." The "Mission to Tatooine" section was a mission to find Skywalker's mother, but the mission turned into a massacre once his mother died in his arms in the Tusken camp. I addressed that in "Reunited and Massacre".
 * 8) *Please just run another check for spelling and grammar. In particular, I'm still seeing a lot of uses of unnecessary present-tense verbs.  CC7567  (talk) 02:12, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Did another run through and caught few spelling errors as well as present-tense verbs.
 * 10) ***Olioster helped with this objection as well by fixing up spelling, present-tense and grammar issues :)
 * 11) A few notes
 * 12) *In the very beginning of the introduction, I suggest changing it from "The Mission" to "This mission to Tatooine". Also, in the prelude section, it mentions Amidala was receiving death threats. While true, you should also note that these threats also escalated into actual attempts on her life (Obi-Wan and Anakin weren't sent to protect her until after the assassination attempt on the landing platform in the opening of Episode II), so a minor re-arranging of that part might be best. Other than a few other minor grammatical problems, it looks good.  OLIOSTER  (talk) Sith_Emblem.svg 17:54, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Addressed

Shahan Alama

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:59, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first TCW project

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:19, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) You have my support, but I'm expecting CC7567's objections to be fixed.  Mauser  Comlink 07:00, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ShaakTi1138 07:51, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "The group reached the atrium filled with several Senators,": Why were the senators there?
 * 3) **Thanks for the hint ;). Added
 * 4) * The end of the bio leaves the reader hanging in regards to what happens to the Senators. Yes, it's not directly relevant to Alama, but I feel a sentence or two (no more) regarding how things turned out for the Senators could help avoid an abrupt ending.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) *Otherwise, good job! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review, Jon Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:42, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***No problem, Jon. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:19, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) No leeway from me, Jedi:
 * 10) * I don't believe there was a bounty on Davtook. There was a bounty on Bane, but he was the one and set the trap for Davtook.
 * 11) **Changed.
 * 12) * If Palpatine can be put in somewhere in the intro, it would be preferable, because Bane was really trying to force him to free the Hutt.
 * 13) **Better, or do you want me to go a little more in-depth?
 * 14) ***No, that's enough, but can it be mentioned earlier with the actual plan?  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ****Moved up a little. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Leaving the Senators in an atrium wired with explosives that could be triggered by a remote carried by Bane or by a system of lasers surrounding the Senators." Bit of a run-on; please rephrase.
 * 17) **Tweaked.
 * 18) ***It's a bit choppy still, and it's rather anticlimactic. If you could shorten it up a bit or reword it (i.e. saying "the bounty hunters left while using to keep the Senators as leverage for their escape), I think the flow would be better.  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Reworded. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Can a quote be found for the recruitment section? It can be something Bane says on his "solitary type" comrades. Also, I think the article would benefit from one more image; perhaps this one.
 * 21) **Added image and quote.
 * 22) * A bit more context as to why Bane was trying to free Ziro.
 * 23) **Added Some, will add more and get to the other objections later. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:24, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***That's why Ziro was arrested, yes, but can something be said of Bane's hiring?  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Not much is known, but I added a little. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Alama and the droid found Skywalker in a room, speaking with Palpatine via comlink, but the Jedi used a mind trick to get them off his tail." Well, Alama and the droid did indeed find the room, but Skywalker hid ahead of time; it needs to be worded to be clearer.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) ***Please check again; I'm not seeing a change.  CC7567  (talk) 23:09, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Oops. How about now? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:18, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Can it be stated earlier that Ziro was in the Detention Center?
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * "where Bane and his team set up a system of lasers around the hostage Senators that would detonate the entire atrium if triggered by the slightest touch." So the lasers were the explosives themselves, or did they simply trigger the explosives? Please clarify.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * "With the Senators at the mercy of the bounty hunters, who held an alternate detonator for the atrium, Bane, Alama, and the rest of the posse successfully escaped with Ziro." Run-on and rather awkward phrasing; please try to ease up the flow.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * Why did Bane decide to activate the explosives? I realize it's not directly related to Alama, but since it's mentioned, it needs to be clarified.
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * The P&T needs to be cleaned up, and if possible, expanded. The fact that Alama was vulnerable to a mind trick could mean a lot of things; it would be better just to state that he was simply vulnerable to one instead of trying to deduce from that. Also, can something be said of his confidence, perhaps?
 * 39) **Better?
 * 40) *I'll run this through more with you, but very good for your first TCW nom. :)  CC7567  (talk) 06:30, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Thanks :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone II
 * 43) *"he was recruited by Duros bounty hunter Cad Bane to capture the bounty hunter Davtokk on the planet of Keyorin. Also recruited for the mission were the technician Robonino and former Jedi-turned-hunter Aurra Sing; Bane wished to determine how well the three beings would work together, as they usually worked alone." Rather choppy; please try to rephrase.
 * 44) *I think more can be said re: Bane's plan before the raid took place. The use of "rescue attempt" makes it sound like it was a direct raid on the prison, which it wasn't.
 * 45) *It's a bit unclear when Sing and Robonino arrived with the other sentinel droids; please clarify.
 * 46) *I'm not sure if Alama's arrogance can be inferred with the information given; it's a bit POV-oriented.
 * 47) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 05:46, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Hig

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 11:00, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 360 words. I originally had a separate Biology section, but it was only 12 words so I integrated it with the History section.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) I have no concerns of my own after a copyedit, but I do agree with Farl's objection. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:33, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farl-objection: I think the paragraph of the Diversity Alliance Hig is ambiguous.The first three sentences suggest that she donates her ship and from that point on, the Alliance made use of it. The fourth sentence suggests that she still piloted the ship at least occassionally after donating it, but it could also be referred to her modus operandi before donating the ship. The last sentence, I understand, happens after the donation, but I cannot reconcile it with the previous information: Did the Jedi people hijack or stole the ship? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:26, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Rugor Nass

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee --Clone Commander Lee 11:34, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Quite good

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > JangFett  Talk 12:17, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) *Intro needs expanding. For a character that was seen in two movies, plus EU content.
 * 3) *Remove or move the image in the "Clone Wars" section also move another image near "Imperial occupation". They're too close to each other.
 * 4) *Blue Shadow Virus was part of the Clone Wars, so that should be a subsection within "Clone Wars".
 * 5) *Blue Shadow Virus section needs sourcing
 * 6) *Same goes with "Ohma-D'un". Should be a subsection within "Clone Wars".
 * 7) *"Luckily the virus was destroyed and the confederate scientist Nuvo Vindi were captured by the Jedi Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ahsoka Tano and the senator Padmé Amidala and Naboo was saved." Sentence needs rewording. Nuvo Vindi "was" captured, also the virus wasn't fully destroyed. If you watched "Mystery of a Thousand Moons", the virus leaked. Context needed as well. Also the Jedi need to have their respected titles if you are going to introduce them. (i.e Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and his padawan..), proper linking as well. Skywalker and Kenobi captured Vindi, while Tano, Rex and Amidala cleared the lab from droids but were caught by surprise when a droid released the virus. They were saved after Kenobi and Skywalker found a cure from a root on Iego.
 * 8) *"During the Clone Wars brought a Gungan Shaak herder to the Naboo council. The herder, Peppi Bow, told the Queen that some of her shaak's had died from a mysterious disease. Upon coming of the idea of droids Nass and the council discussed the possiblity of CIS forces on the planet. You call the Blue Shadow Virus a "mysterious disease" in this sentence, then you say "Luckily the virus", in the next. Too choppy, You need more detail and how the Republic forces came about to Naboo and what Nass did.
 * 9) *You need quotes for each section. Does not have to be Nass, it can be related to Nass, Naboo. "Clone Wars" section, especially Blue Virus, should have a quote.
 * 10) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments > JangFett  Talk 13:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *Added tag. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Sea Leviathan

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 12:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: About time I finished this thing, my first-ever species nom.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 18:42, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Great job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:07, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks great after I copyedited a couple of errors that I should have caught the first time. :P Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * "Sea Leviathan was only able to draw upon the energies of Mon Calamari species; its blister pods had no effect on any other" - where exactly in the comic is this mentioned? I fail to find it anywhere, even after double-check.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * You often use Mon Cal instead of a full Mon Calamari. Is that use of the nickname really appropriate?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Otherwise looks awesome.  Mauser  Comlink 16:28, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks, Mauser. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 17:25, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) "...scientist of Galactic Emperor and Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Krayt’s One Sith Order." is a little unwieldly: it took me two reads to get the exact meaning. I'd suggest dropping Krayt's titles or making some other change to make the sentence simpler. It might also be prudent to say who created the original, land-based Leviathan in the BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:43, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Addressed the first part. However, I don't think talking about the original Leviathan's creators is necessary, since I already said it twice: once in the intro, and once in the body. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 18:17, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Just one minor thing: At the end of the History section it could be made a little more clear why the Leviathan was unable to attack the Devilsquid. You say that it was programmed to attack the Mon Calamari, but you never really say that it can't attack the Devilsquid. Other than that, great job.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:57, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *Addressed via IRC. Thanks for the read, GM. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 02:05, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * No sources.
 * Easy pickins.
 * Short and sweet, courtesy of WP:LE. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 12:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Maddie Macatten

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:23, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Oh vanity, thy name is DarkStryder

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Object
 * 1) Farl's here to… What was it? Babble babble… It has something to do with that thing… The Darksomething thing… Dark Vader?… Ah, no. Maddie Macatten GAN. That was it.
 * 2) * "…found herself free. Taking the ownership papers to one of her master's ships, the Gymsnor-2 light freighter Scupper Bantoo, she flew the vessel out of its docking bay. Free, Macatten…" The word free is used twice in a quick succession. Can you remove or change one of the occurrences?
 * 3) * "Personality and traits" compresses several, unrelated manners in one paragraph (Speech patterns, tendency to sing while working and goal in life). I think each of those should have its own paragraph; currently, I find the section confusingly crowded.
 * 4) * What was I saying?… Oh yeah! That's all. -Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:12, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Slammer

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee --Clone Commander Lee 18:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A clonepilot form the Battle of Ryloth

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Object > JangFett  Talk 18:12, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents & Preliminaries
 * 2) *First off, when you nominate an article for GAN, please place the . This is my second time I placed the tag on your nominated article. :P
 * 3) *Intro needs a major expansion. You can add more about his participation in the Battle of Ryloth.
 * 4) *Expand his biography. Make sure you have have subsections within his biography. (i.e "Battle of Ryloth".) Add-in after the subsection quote, if you plan to use my suggestion.
 * 5) *Missing quotes. You need one above the intro (The Header), and one after each section and subsections. You can use or , which ever you prefer.
 * 6) *Completely missing sources. You need to add in sources as well as the " ==Notes & References== and ==Sources== " sections at the bottom of the article.
 * 7) *Missing tags in the infobox and needs sourcing as well.
 * 8) *Refer to Manual of Style, if you need help on maintaining articles.
 * 9) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments
 * Lee, seriously, have you touched the page at all? I'm looking at the edit history, and I don't see your name there anywhere. I would suggest working on this more and familiarizing yourself with the expectations for a GA (notably at the top of this page) before nominating this. I'm willing to give you a chance, but I would highly recommend reading a few of the current Good Articles and familiarizing yourself with the expectations.  CC7567  (talk) 20:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Axe (clone)
> JangFett  Talk 22:15, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: An Important Clone pilot, in TCW :P

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Object
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) *First sentence in the intro is a run-on, please fix.
 * 3) *The intro is disproportionately large compared to the bio, please cut it down some.
 * 4) *Intro: "the group experienced bad luck&hellip;" Could this be changed to something less colloquial?
 * 5) *Intro: "Aze was shot down by a droid, which caused his fighter to overload above Ryloth." This is very vague wording. He was shot down, and his fighter overloaded. Wwhat do you mean by "overload"? Did it explode? Did he die? Please clarify.
 * 6) *You should start the bio with a basic introduction as to who Axe is.
 * 7) *Also, check for over-underlinking. Once again, I got some of these, but there were several extra and missed links. Double check the article for any more.
 * 8) *Bio: "as more enemy star destroyers joined Tuuk's blockade." First off, "Star Destroyers" should be capitalized, however, this may be irrelevant, as I don't recall the CIS ever using Star Destroyers. Correct me if I'm wrong, but please check on this.
 * 9) *P&t: "Like all clone trooper pilots who serve the Republic, Axe was known to be good pilot and strong leader under Blue Squadron." This needs to be reworded, as it implies that all clone pilots lead Blue Squadron, as well as that there were clone trooper pilots who did not serve the Republic. Also, a "leader" would not be "under" the people he was commanding. So Axe would be a leader of Blue Squadron, not under.
 * 10) *The biggest problem right now with the article is the number of grammatical errors; please run through the article and re-check for these. I've fixed a couple, but many remain. Once you get them, I'll provide a more in-depth review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:48, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments