Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Dani


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:16, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  StarNeptune Talk to me! 11:29, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) With a name like Dani California... Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:29, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:33, 21 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:48, 28 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:44, 8 March 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "infatuated with Rebel hero, Luke Skywalker Dani eventually joined the Alliance". I think you're missing a comma.
 * 3) **Right you are. Fixed. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * In "Beginnings", link Rik Duel.
 * 5) **Done. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * From "The Stenos operation": "Dani used the time to continue her obviously flirtation towards Skywalker" ly?
 * 7) **Slaps forehead. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * In Return of the Rebels: "Bossk, IG-88 and several other bounty hunters, who had set up their own carbon freezing chamber." Yet in the next sentence you say the two bounty hunters. Please clarify.
 * 9) **Not sure why I went with two there. Removed. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * From “Prisoners of the bounty hunters”: “they began to be assaulted by a barrage of spears.” Remove began.
 * 11) **Done. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Argo had been shot down by Imperials, eventually crashlanding on Lahsbane. There's no period at the end of the sentence.
 * 13) **Heh. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * The second paragraph in “Joining the Alliance” reads awkwardly.
 * 15) **Tweaked out the ugliness. Cull Tremayne 04:19, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * You use “however” too many times in the second-to-last paragraph of War.
 * 17) **Second "however" removed. Cull Tremayne 04:19, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "In Possible Reunion": “Kiro, Dani's lover, had not died on Kinooine, although incredibly wounded, he was able to eventually escape and make his way back to his homeworld.” Split it into two sentences.
 * 19) **Done. Cull Tremayne 01:36, 15 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:32, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) Toprawa:
 * 22) * Here, you say she was in the Alliance Military, and I've linked as such. But, if she was in a more specific unit, like the Alliance Army, as I'm assuming, please reword/link appropriately: "becoming a soldier in the Alliance Military"
 * 23) **It's not specified, but I don't remember her training in a starfighter or with the fleet, only on the ground. During Saijo, she was on the ground, so that might be evidence enough. Then again, two definite starfigher pilots were on the ground during that battle as well. Might as well just leave it with military. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * You say she was a well-known Zeltron in the New Republic, but she is only listed with a Reb era tag. Please add NR tag.
 * 25) **Good catch. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * I'm a bit confused as to the time period here. You say previously that Dani's interaction with the group happened shortly after Yavin, but here implies that this takes place during 3 ABY, after ESB, when Solo is in carbonite. Please clarify: "working with Boba Fett during Solo's capture, and the Rebels hoped to convince the hunter to tell them where Fett had taken Solo"
 * 27) **Well the OOU explanation is that the previous comic was a flashback tale, taking place before ESB. The next comic then reverts to "real time", several years later, and after ESB. I think I mentioned something about "years later", but if you think it needs more explanation, I can put something else in. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Yeah, addding something as simple as the year, 3 ABY, I'm guessing, would do a lot to clarify. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:33, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Added. Cull Tremayne 06:00, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Avoid this speculative phrasing: "she apparently got sidetracked on the way"
 * 31) **Removed "apparently". The problem with this is that in that comic, Luke sees a Zeltron and thinks it's Dani. Leia corrects him and tells him it's a different Zeltron. Then, several comics later, Dani mentions that she was there, though how she missed Luke is a mystery. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Consider removing or rewording this speculation: "Perhaps taking inspiration from the Zeltron and looking to minimize the risk of their operations"
 * 33) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * Under the "Back with Rick Duel gang," Dani meets up with Skywalker, seemingly post-Endor. Give a time frame for this.
 * 35) **Added. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Please use a less POV-ish description than "beautiful": "came upon a beautiful tomb"
 * 37) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Elaborate on what this is: "signaling the activation of the Shawken Device"
 * 39) **Added. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Give a brief description of how this benefits him, being a water creature: "Placing Kiro in an enclosed water chamber..." Additionally, it will help to quantify this phrase later: "cutting open Kiro's rebreather suit"
 * 41) **Added. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * This seems like it may have substance from the story, but if not, remove speculation: "Possibly because of the emphasis on meditation"
 * 43) **Removed possibly. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Please remove this uncertainty: "Although it's not certain how the Huhk was subdued"
 * 45) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Please remove this speculation, unless clearly substantiated: "and perhaps as a side effect to their training together"
 * 47) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * Radios: "radio contact"
 * 49) **Changed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * Please remove this unknown. If we don't know what she did, there's no reason to add this: "Although Dani was on Endor at the time, it's unknown if she was involved in the Battle of Endor"
 * 51) **Removed. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Consider making this sentence the beginning of a new paragraph: "Although she had been fully unreachable"
 * 53) **Without the Endor sentence, won't the previous paragraph be two sentences long? Or is that the idea? Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Sort of. As long as the paragraph isn't just one sentence, it's fine with me. The info there seems very disjointed from the beginning of the paragraph. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:33, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Separated. Cull Tremayne 06:00, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * Provide a brief description of who this guy is, since this is his first drop into the story: "Knife"
 * 57) **Done. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * Please remove this unknown: "Whether the heroes eventually found Dani and if the two lovers were ever reunited is unknown"
 * 59) **This is one of those RPG elements. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * Additionally, and per the Kiro article, please rename the section title. Maybe "Learning the truth" would be good?
 * 61) **You got it. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *A well-written article, Cull. I enjoyed reading this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:02, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) **Thanks for the review. I appreciate it. Cull Tremayne 02:58, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 65) * Image:Dani4.JPG has visible frame at top, left, and right. Image:Dani6.JPG has just a bit of frame at left and right. Image:Dani9.JPG has frame at bottom. Image:Dani15.JPG has just a smidge of frame at top and bottom.
 * 66) * "crewing herself" can't be right, and it sounds just plain wrong.
 * 67) **Reworded. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * Was she really a locksmith, or just a lock-picker?
 * 69) **Good point. Confused the terms. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * "See fit" shouldn't be used so close to "seen fit."
 * 71) **Reworded. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * "After fighting off Dani's amorous advances once again, Duel explained to Skywalker how they had escaped the Stenaxes and then secured his help in finding Chihdo, who had recently gone missing." – Reword; it looks as though she was coming on to Duel.
 * 73) **Good point. Reworded. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * "A group of Stenax, who had been coerced into service by Chewbacca" – Chewbacca as a slaver? You don't have to change this if you don't want to. It's hilarious.
 * 75) **Made all the more hilarious as Chewbacca basically just yelled at them and beat them until they helped. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) *BtS:
 * 77) ** "However, Dani survived to appear in the next three comics, acting as an ally to the heroes. During this arc, Dani was constantly pursuing Luke Skywalker, but it was primarily an unreturned love." – Unsourced statements. A bit of a stretch on the self-sourcing exception; please humor me.
 * 78) ***Sure thing. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) ** "Following this, Dani disappeared for several issues, including the events of Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi." – Same here.
 * 80) ***Alrighty. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) ** "Dani would have several more appearances in the Marvel comics, which also served to develop the romance between Kiro and Dani." – And here.
 * 82) ***Done. Cull Tremayne 22:38, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:04, 7 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Marvel influx. Cull Tremayne 00:51, 14 February 2008 (UTC)