Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Fang Zar


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Fang Zar

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 05:19, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:I felt the need to take a short break from TCW. Won't last long.

(5 Inqs/6 Users/11 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:27, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Very nice work. Hopefully this will pass soon.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:04, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Ol' Beardy.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:58, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) I enjoyed this one. ~ SavageBob 15:30, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Cool beard. -- Xd1358  Talk 16:33, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Excellent article here. The Flash  {talk} 03:33, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:13, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:36, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) This was excellent. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 22:50, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) LtNOWIS 01:17, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 2) * File:ROTSFalcon.jpg needs to be properly sourced.
 * 3) **I'm willing to do this, however I'm not exactly sure how to source for the back of a toy. Any help would be appreciated.
 * 4) **I just added a link to Rebelscum.com and listed the series and year. Realistically, that's the best you're going to get. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:23, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Thanks Culator. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 04:54, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * File:Sithdelscener1pic2.jpg needs to be recaptured and re-uploaded; one can barely make out Zar even in the full image, let alone the thumbnail.
 * 7) **Eh, I wasn't a big fan of the image anyway. It's been replaced.
 * 8) * Source list needs to be ordered chronologically.
 * 9) **Isn't it?
 * 10) *** This objection is not fixed. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:24, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****No need to be rude, thank you. We can be more mature than that. And it is indeed chronological in order of release. If you see the issue that I'm not, .  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 05:19, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *****It's only the appropriate response to your ridiculous message on my talk page. Did you read the message at the top? I figured you might need to have the objection which is not fixed pointed out to you. Ordering a source list is not difficult, but I am not going to be the one who roots around and does it; one mistake is enough for me to know it needs to be done. Try actually working on your own article instead of ordering the Inq to work on your article and perhaps this process will be a bit faster. You should note that my objection is not the only thing keeping this article from passing. Graestan ( Talk ) 13:58, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ******I wasn't ordering you to do anything. I, like several others, left a message on your talk page despite your request at the top because your objections sat idle for an extended period of time, and we were all under the impression that those objections had been addressed. It's common courtesy to inform us that they were not if you believe they were not. And if I weren't willing to work on my own article, I wouldn't have nominated it Graestan. Nor would I hope that the reviewers keep an eye on their objections. If I didn't want to work on it, I would let it sit idle for months instead of trying to get it approved. And I already "rooted around" and did the work. It is chronological in order of release. In addition, I never said it was the only thing keeping this article from passing. I know the requirements for an FA. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 22:39, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Appearance list needs to be ordered IU chronologically.
 * 15) **Done.
 * 16) * Succession box needs to be moved per Layout Guide.
 * 17) **Done.
 * 18) * Before I touch the writing, I'd like to see someone go through this and add pronouns and other substitutes for "Zar" so this looks a bit less like a book report.
 * 19) **I will work on this a bit, but most of the "Zar's" arise from the fact that he is very often dealing with other male individuals, like Palpatine, Bel Iblis, Vader, and Organa, resulting in confusing "he"s or "him"s or "his"es. But, like I said, I will work on this as much as possible.
 * 20) ***Does that work? Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 00:46, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Graestan ( Talk ) 14:20, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Thank you for the review. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 04:31, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Attack of the Clone
 * 24) * "Zar and Amidala were weary of these "actions,"": I believe you mean "wary", but please check this.
 * 25) **I always do that.
 * 26) * Please check your capitalization of "petition". It may be right, but I'd prefer that you check it all the same.
 * 27) **From what I've seen, it should be right now. I think.
 * 28) * "but was quickly cut off by the Chancellor and excused from his offices": please check your plural for "offices"; if I'm understanding the context correctly, I believe it should be "office", as in "Palpatine's office". As I'm not fully sure, please check this as well.
 * 29) **Simple typo, however it's technically correct either way, as a series of rooms comprising one large office can be reffered to as "offices."
 * 30) * "on the membership and activities of the Delegation": please check this; it's not flowing very well.
 * 31) **How is this not flowing well? I'm not seeing the problem, so please suggest an alternative.
 * 32) ***It's the "membership of the Delegation", mostly. Do you mean his membership to the Delegation, or the members of the Delegation?  CC7567  (talk) 20:41, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****I meant that they were interrogating him on the other members of the delegation. I've changed "memebership" to "members"&mdash;does that help, or are you looking for something else?
 * 34) *****No, that's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 22:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Can you specify what exactly this conflict on Sern Prime is if it's known?
 * 36) **It's not.
 * 37) * "that may have been homespun": please, try to word it so that it doesn't sound speculative, even if it's coming from an official source.
 * 38) **Removed. It's official that they appear homespun, but that's all, so there's really no non-speculative way to word it.
 * 39) *Your writing has come a long way, Trayus, and the only prominent errors I'm really noticing are just ones with awkward wording. If you get the chance, Toprawa has offered to help you with this in regards to EV-A4-D, and I believe that it would really benefit you.  CC7567  (talk)
 * 40) **If these wording issues are part of your objection for this article, please leave them to be addressed here, instead of waiting for Toprawa to bring them up in a meeting regarding entirely different article. Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:27, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ***The wording wasn't part of the objection; sorry if I left that for misinterpretation.  CC7567  (talk) 20:41, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Skippy; took me a while to find anything to object.
 * 43) * Three other Databank entries (Padmé Amidala, Mon Mothma and Bail Organa) mention Fang Zar. I've added them to the sources under . Please, check them and consider adding new information, if any, and/or new footnotes. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:36, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Thank you Skippy. Nothing new in them, but good for references. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 22:39, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 46) * There's some repetitive language in the first paragraph of the biography. "Sern Prime" and "Sern sector" are repeated three or four times in only a few sentences, for example, and "Palpatine" both ends and begins neighboring sentences. Can these be fixed up with synonyms and alternate phrasings?
 * 47) **Give it a look and let me know if that's better.
 * 48) * In the second paragraph of "Biography," it's hard to tell, but it seems that Bel Iblis and the Corellians are retreating from the Republic twice. Is this so, or is it just one event that is being mentioned twice?
 * 49) **It's two different events.
 * 50) * I'm unsure about this one, but in the real world, terms like "senator," "group," "decree," etc. are not capitalized unless they are being used in a full title. Thus, if I were writing an academic paper, I'd say "the Petition of 2000" but then later talk about "the petition" when not using the full title. This being Star Wars, perhaps thing are done differently, but I wanted to bring it up so you could check what should and should not be capitalized when not used in a full title.
 * 51) **All of the "senator"s are taken care of I beleive. As for the "group"s, I'm unsure. I'm referring to the proper noun "Republic Group" and not just the generic term "group" so I went with the capitalization. All of the decrees that weren't used in a title are not capitalized, for what it's worth. What are your thoughts on the "group" situation?
 * 52) *** Well, like I said, it would be in lowercase in real-world writing unless it was a full title, but I'd go with whatever the OS uses. If the OS doesn't use it without the rest of the title, I'd default to real-world usage, which would be to decapitalize. ~ SavageBob 06:15, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ****Looking through the OS, there's no instances of a capitalized "group." All in-article instances have been fixed accordingly. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:55, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Please provide a bit of context for Bammy Decree and Rej Taunt.
 * 55) * Ditto for Han Solo, Leia Organa Solo, Allana Solo, and Tobb Jadak. It should be enough to say who they are working for when they search for the Insignia of Unity. Otherwise, looks solid! ~ SavageBob 22:53, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) **And the last two are taken care of as well. Thanks for the review! Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:54, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) Can you clarify this sentence: "George Lucas has stated that the scenes were cut due to time constraints and the distracting subplot involving Padmé Amidala and the formation of the Rebel Alliance." What about this distracting subplot motivated Lucas to cut the scenes? Were Zar's scenes part of this subplot? It's not clear as written. -LtNOWIS 04:54, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *I can't really see how to make it clearer. The preceding sentence says that the scenes he was in were about the formation of the Alliance. And all he ever said was that the subplot was distracting, not anything more. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:53, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) **I changed it from saying, in effect, "the scenes were cut due to the distracting sublot" to "they were cut because the subplot was distracting." Let me know if that's not to your liking. And, sorry for not answering for so long.-LtNOWIS 01:17, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) **That's totally fine with me, and no worries. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 01:23, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) **That's totally fine with me, and no worries. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 01:23, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Just as a note for the Inqs, Graestan's objections, which were addressed a day after their posting, have sat unstricken for a month now. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 05:20, September 13, 2009 (UTC)