Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/TX-21


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

TX-21

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 15:19, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another dim-headed tactical droid. :P

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- Xd1358  Talk 20:07, November 21, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Xd: Minor objection, I might read through it later.
 * 2) * Mention the Clone Wars both in the intro and the body.
 * 3) *-- Xd1358  Talk 15:20, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 15:23, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * The only thing I noticed was that you could vary TX-21 in the body with the "droid" and/or the "tactical droid". Otherwise, great work. -- Xd1358  Talk 19:34, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Addressed; thanks for the review. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 19:55, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Attack of the Clone
 * 8) *Mentioning the battle in both the intro and body without specifying the Republic's intention of attacking the foundry makes mentioning the battle at all close to pointless. The intro in particular does not do a very good job at this, while the body needs to be phrased better.
 * 9) *In the intro, please make it clearer that both Poggle and TX-21 confronted the Padawans.
 * 10) *"While the ongoing events continued" is extremely redundant. I've already changed this, but please keep this in mind.
 * 11) *Quote captions are not sentences.
 * 12) *The Galaxy at War info is in the infobox and yet never mentioned in the body. Please fix this.
 * 13) *"The Galactic Republic force mounted an attack on Poggle's new droid foundry, which concerned the Geonosian Archduke." Lack of clarity here.
 * 14) *"on their adversary" is not a proper English idiom.
 * 15) *"of the intruders that breached the foundry": I don't see the point of specifying the "intruders" at their second mention instead of their first.
 * 16) *Please get in the objective of the Padawans' mission.
 * 17) *"TX-21 next to Poggle the Lesser" is an image caption extremely borderlining an IU perspective. Please fix this.
 * 18) *Saying "near TX-21" is a detail that needs to have more clarification. It seems irrelevant otherwise.
 * 19) *"TX-21 showed his gratitude toward the Geonosian Archduke." How?
 * 20) *The Characteristics section is rambling a lot, and overall, you need to do a better job of linking his noteworthy actions to his characteristics.
 * 21) *"On his chest, TX-21 has bug-like markings, which fitted his role as a Geonosian adviser." Please rephrase this and find the error that should be standing out like a flashing siren.
 * 22) *"The droid made its debut": is it a "he" or "it"? Please make up your mind.
 * 23) *The reason that most of these objections seem like they're is because they are. Jang, I know that you can do a better job and that I shouldn't have to ask you to clarify anything in your writing anymore. The rest of what I have to say is what I've already said to you: please work on your proofreading skills, as a lot of these errors could have been caught by them.  CC7567  (talk) 21:04, November 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Jang, please note that the reason I may not have checked over these and my IRC objections is because I'm waiting for you to clarify that you've fixed them. I want you to be confident that the article is perfect before I take another look.  CC7567  (talk) 18:39, November 29, 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * Removed per nominator's request. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:22, December 3, 2009 (UTC)