Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmish in the Yinta Lake spaceport

Skirmish in Yinta Lake spaceport

 * Nominated by: Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 21:29, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Just another fine example of what a Jedi and a cocky smuggler can do.

Object

 * 1) Imperators II
 * 2) * Please be careful with the punctuation, e.g., the currently-missing white-spaces.
 * 3) **Does that look any better? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 22:01, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 4) * Since the article should be written in an encyclopedic tone, try to avoid from using "some" etc.
 * 5) **Got it. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 22:01, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 6) * Also be careful with the capitalization, for example, in the infobox.
 * 7) **Got it. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 22:01, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 8) * Infobox-exclusive info.
 * 9) **OK Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 22:01, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 10) *** Xizor's teammates are still infobox-exclusive.
 * 11) ****Got it.
 * 12) ***** No, you didn't.  Imperators II (Talk) 13:17, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
 * 13) ******OOPS! forgot their names. Better now? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 16:02, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
 * 14) *******Sorry, I totally forgot to strike the objection.  Imperators II (Talk) 22:33, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
 * 15) ********No harm done. :) Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 22:47, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
 * 16) * Since the name is conjectural, you can't bold "Skirmish in Yinta Lake spaceport". And you can't capitalize "Skirmish".
 * 17) **How does that look? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 22:01, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 18) * 3,653 BBY can't be sourced to the novel.  Imperators II (Talk) 21:43, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 19) **Got it. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 22:01, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 20) *** Ummm... "can't be sourced" means that it has to be sourced to something else, not just left unsourced.  Imperators II (Talk) 22:44, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Got it. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:24, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

Attack of the Clone

 * Please reload the infobox. This ensures that no relevant field gets left blank.
 * How does that look? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 23:51, June 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * It still looks like some fields are missing. What I'd recommend doing is copying the entire infobox template into the article and then starting from scratch by copying the old fields into the new one.  CC7567  (talk) 00:50, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * OK how does that one look? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:19, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Please use Cite web for ref 2; citations that cannot get placed in templates must use Cite web to ensure accuracy.
 * I tried, and I have absolutely no idea how to use that template. If someone could do it, I'd appreciate it. Or, if someone could show me where it explains clearly how to do it I'd appreciate it. Thanks! Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 00:15, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
 * All you have to do is copy the template to the article and then fill in the proper fields. I would suggest using the "Using last, first (with current date)" version of the template, as it seems the most relevant. For example, the url for the ref would go in the "url" field. The title of that Jedi Council Forums page goes in the "title" field, and so on. Let me know if you need further help, but it should be easy from there. Not all of the fields need to get filled, only the ones with available info.  CC7567  (talk) 00:27, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
 * OK finally got it. Thanks alot! Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:13, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
 * The phrase "man by the name" gets rather overused in the article. Please try to vary up the word choice. Simply saying "the smugger Zeerid Korr" instead of "a smuggler by the name of Zeerid Korr" is fine, and it's also more concise and less winded.
 * Is that better?
 * I was suggest reorganizing the intro to focus more on the skirmish and the location before anything else. Take a look at the current battle GAs, even the conjecturally titled ones. Using the format that most GAs use, the intro should start something like: "A skirmish took place in the Yinta Lake spaceport between X, Y, and Z in ." This insures that all of the important facts get stated first. You can then explain what specifically happened in the skirmish after this first sentence.
 * OK.
 * Please make sure to provide context for all important subjects (like Coruscant and the Exchange in the Prelude section) upon their first mention. It isn't always safe to assume that the reader is familiar with them.
 * How's that? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 00:15, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
 * These are all only preliminaries, so I'll give the article an in-depth review once these are fixed. CC7567  (talk) 22:11, June 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * OK.
 * Please try to avoid overusing em dashes instead of commas; dashes are good when they're used correctly, but not when they're overused. Commas will usually suffice.  CC7567  (talk) 00:50, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * OK how does that look? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 00:56, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * In the infobox, what do you mean by the "None" in the commanders1 field? Since there were only two individuals, was neither of them in overall command? Even if that's the case, I'm a little hesitant to have it listed as "None"&mdash;I would suggest leaving the field blank to avoid misinterpretation.
 * Hows' that?
 * In forces1, who's the Jedi and who's the smuggler? I'd suggest taking a look at how the current battle GAs format this and then try to modify what's currently in the infobox.
 * How does that look?
 * I meant more along these lines, but it's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 21:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Oh OK.
 * I did some rearranging with the intro to make it clearer. Could you add perhaps a sentence about the outcome of the skirmish?
 * Got it.
 * What do you mean by "get at Korr"? It's rather colloquial and unclear. Please make sure to avoid similar wording in the rest of the article.  CC7567  (talk) 21:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Fixed it.
 * In the Prelude, why was Leneer allied with Korr? This shouldn't get too much detail, but it should get clarified here.
 * Got it.
 * "The skirmish" section gets increasingly play-by-play, and a lot of the sentences are short and choppy. Please see if there's anything you can do to smooth out the choppiness.
 * Is that smoother?
 * To be honest, adding more detail makes it only more p-b-p. I would suggest cutting down on the level of detail to avoid choppiness. Sentences should be flowing and cohesive&mdash;and remember, you don't need to include every single detail and action that the book provides. For writing articles, our objective is to summarize and cut down on detail, not to rephrase everything from the book.  CC7567  (talk) 21:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * I pretty much re-wrote the entire section. See if that will work.
 * For the remainder of the article, there remain a number of minor errors&mdash;grammar and spelling ones, mostly, but they're still rather significant. Please take some time to carefully go through the rest of the article and see if there's anything you can fix before I look at it myself. This applies to GAN Rule 1, which states that all articles nominated for GA status must be "well-written."  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * I re-read the article and fixed some stuff. How does it look now? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 21:13, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Please take another look at the Aftermath, at least. There's still a glaring grammar error that should be visible to those scrutinizing it.  CC7567  (talk) 21:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Is that what you were talking about? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 21:34, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * I was looking particularly at the "there trip," which should be "their trip." I've gone ahead and corrected everything, but please make sure to be more careful in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 23:55, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Should the article be named "Skirmish in the Yinta Lake spaceport"? The spaceport is referred to as "the" everywhere else, so I would think that the article title should match that for consistency.
 * What exactly do you mean by "corner the market in engspice"? Even if that's directly taken for the novel, is there any way you can explain it a little better?
 * How's that?
 * Per WP:DASH, hyphens should not be replaced with en dashes in the wrong places. Please see if there's anything you can correct in the article.
 * I saw one example and fixed it.
 * "Zeerid Korr knew he and Aryn Leneer were being followed, but he didn't realize that it would be an all–out battle": I don't expect either that Korr would have expected a battle to commence (none but those who planned the battle would have known), but can this be reworded? Also, who was following him and Leneer? It otherwise seems like an unnecessary detail to say that Korr didn't expect a battle.
 * How's that?
 * "and started shooting": at whom did Xizor start shooting?
 * Fixed.
 * "The battle began, and Korr ran for cover while blasting away." Again, who is Korr shooting at?
 * Fixed again.
 * "More shots were fired in the landing pad and Leneer was shot in the calf." Who fired these shots? Also, what do you mean by "in" the landing pad?
 * OK got it.
 * Who were the "couple of Xizor's men" who got shot? Since you name them earlier in the article, you should state who died unless it's unknown.
 * The book starts out by saying that he had some men with him, some of which were Lom, Keene, Deron. But when the battle is done these men are still alive. So the one's that died are un-named. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 02:10, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
 * "where Leneer would fight Darth Malgus in the Jedi Temple": please provide more context here. Who's Malgus? Why did Leneer fight him in the Temple? We should give the reader the benefit of the doubt, and it isn't always good to assume that the reader will be familiar with all of the material in the article, so that's why we provide context.  CC7567  (talk) 23:55, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Is that enough context? Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 02:10, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

 * Much thanks go to for his patient help with the Cite web template.  Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:15, June 28, 2011 (UTC)