Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 6) Per AgriCorps consensus, nominators are restricted to four nominations on the GAN page at any one time. Once one nomination is removed from the page as either successful or unsuccessful, another can be added.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once a nomination has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;two of which must be AgriCorps votes&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of five AgriCorps votes with no outstanding objections before one week has passed, the nomination will be considered successful.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 2 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Saadoon-Kauldi

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:51, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: "I told you I didn't want any new Hutt crimelord for this RPG book, but that doesn't mean you are entitled to use your AD&D knowledge and create a dragon crimelord"

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 05:03, April 21, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Where's the intro...=P  Xd1358  Talk 13:46, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *The dragon ate it :P Seriously: Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:14, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) The Grand Master's First Look
 * 4) * The bio is extremely unwieldy; for its length it could use subsections, and, once again, why are there so many small paragraphs?
 * 5) **Tried to change bio and to mix paragraphs. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) * I'm seeing a lot of underlinking.
 * 7) **More links added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ***This remains. I'm still seeing quite a bit of underlinking, but you've now got some overlinking as well, and you've also linked to several redirects. Please try to clean these up.
 * 9) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Once again; this remains, albeit to a lesser extent. Please please please check and double-check all of your linking. You've been nominating articles for a while now, and this isn't something that I should have to reiterate. Also, was his criminal empire significant enough to deserve its own article; and why is there no article for his massacre on the slaver galleon?
 * 11) ******Tried my best. Created articles on skirmishes and his empire, even if I don't think they're significant at all. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:01, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *******Partially better, but you've still got VERY messy linking. Things should be linked once in the intro, once in the body, and (if applicable) once in the infobox. Things should only be pipelinked if necessary (i.e. officers, not officers ) and if pipelinking, make sure the first letter is capitalized (i.e. butchered the slavers, not butchered the slavers ). Also, try to avoid pipelinking to more than just a small phrase (i.e. this: dedicate all of his resources to the abduction of slaver ships is rather eccentric; it could very easily be worded differently so that the link only covers a few words). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:20, February 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ********Done all that. I admit, I didn't know some of those. Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:39, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *********Much better. I'll give the article another review soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:36, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Details have not been revealed" sounds awfully OR/speculative & OOU.
 * 16) **Details were not revealed IU; only rumors. Anyway, changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ***This still doesn't make sense. I'm not even sure that such an "unconfirmed rumor" belongs in an article.
 * 18) ****Removed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) * Also seeing some grammatical errors.
 * 20) **Hope some less now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Better, but still seeing several errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:14, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *****Much better. Still seeing a few minor errors, but most fall under so I'll strike for now and hopefully find the time to give this another full review and copyedit sometime soon.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:41, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * "and became a spice lord and a crimelord, strangely basing his power&hellip;" Strangely is way too POV.
 * 25) **Changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) *More to come. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:40, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) The Grand Master II
 * 28) * The P&T is exceptionally extensive. It needs to be cut down some.
 * 29) **Rearranged with info included in bio if possible, to avoid missing anything important. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * "intelligent, shrewd, stealthy and cultured" Does the source explicitly state these?
 * 31) **I used synonyms; he's described as: (a being of) devious cunning (=Shrewd), (with) intellectual stealth (=Intelligent + cultured + stealthy), and his RPG stats show him as a cultured person.
 * 32) ***Okay for everything except stealthy. Right now you make it sound like he was good at sneaking around, which is not what "intellectual stealth" means. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ****'Stealthy' gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 22:31, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said?" Is it known whether he actually did or not?
 * 35) **Not changed: OS says it as an unconfirmed rumor. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * "and sometimes admired as if he were a member of the Royalty." "The Royalty?" Whose royalty? There were lots of royalties in the galaxy.
 * 37) **Changed, but OS does not specify. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * "This person had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies." Who do you mean, "this person"? Kauldi or a Hutt? (Either way, "person" does not work here)
 * 39) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * "He believed in respecting the people he dealt with, even if he was in superiority of conditions." This is rather confusing. What exactly do you mean?
 * 41) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * "This gave him several satisfactions, such as the Socorran Navy offering to send their ships should he ever needed his help." How is that a "satisfaction?" Wouldn't that be more of a favor?
 * 43) **Removed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ***"This gave him several satisfactions." What do you mean? What satisfactions does this give him? It was more of the "satisfaction" that was awkwardly worded/confusing then the Navy's offer. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *****Yes, but the wording is still rather awkward. I would suggest using something other than "satisfactions;" also, does the source say "unexpected?" If not, it is OR and even somewhat POVish. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ******Anything approaching OR or POV removed, including "satisfaction". Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *******Now you've just contradicted yourself. Saying "deference was essential to his professional activities" is the opposite of what you just said: that he had no need to treat the people he dealt with with respect. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:29, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ********Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:11, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) * Does the source actually state he became "paranoid"?
 * 51) **(...) have left the crime lord more than a little paranoid. Not changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Increasingly big and more restless, Saadoon-Kauldi wanted some permanent roots as of 0 ABY." What exactly do you mean, he "wanted some permanent roots?"
 * 53) **Stability. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***It's not very clear what you mean by "stability". Stability of growth? Of living? Monetary stability? etc. Please clarify. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Try now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali and disappear inside some cave." Do you literally mean that he would "disappear?" Either way, is this sentence really significant to the P&T?
 * 57) **Sentence changed; keep bc it tells about Saadoon's mid-term goals. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * The timeline of events in the bio is very murky because you give absolutely no dates. Even if exact BBY/ABY dates aren't always known, could you at least give some relative dating throughout the article (i.e. "shortly after the outbreak of the Galactic Civil War"; "at some point prior to the Galactic Civil War"; "shortly after the destruction of the Death Star"; "around the time of&hellip" etc.)?
 * 59) **Added one date. OS is probably murky on purpose to give freedom to RPG gamemasters. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * Does the source state that the Kadri'Ra were "dragon-like"?
 * 61) **Not changed: OS compares them with the Star Dragons. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:25, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) The Grand Master III
 * 64) * Could you use something less colloquial than "up-and-comer"?
 * 65) **Done.
 * 66) * "increasing the Kadri'Ra's influence and range." Increasing his range in what?
 * 67) **Better?
 * 68) * "hired all the staff he could need, including smugglers;" First off, this doesn't fit in grammatically where you currently have it. Second, does the source say he hired "all the staff he could need?" It sounds rather hyperbolic to me.
 * 69) **Better?
 * 70) * "Saadoon-Kauldi became a prominent crime lord and reduced his public appearances." What exactly do you mean by public appearances?
 * 71) **Better?
 * 72) * "A chance to change airs" What exactly do you mean "change airs?"
 * 73) **Better?
 * 74) ***A chance to move where? This doesn't make sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****Better?--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) *****I'll strike for now, but this is really an unnecessarily lenthy heading. Try to keep it simple and accurate pertaining to the info in the section. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) * "The Empire also began to actively attempt to enslave Saadoon-Kauldi again." When did they enslave him the first time?
 * 78) **Kauldi had been a slave, but OS doesn't specify whether an Imperial slave or not. Reworded to convey that meaning. Better?
 * 79) * "began asking the Kadri'Ra for advice in his venture to expand criminal influence outside Socorro." Who does "his" refer to? Saadoon-Kauldi or Abdi-Badawzi? Also, is Abdi-Badawzi related to the Badawzis that freed Saadoon-Kauldi?
 * 80) **Changed.
 * 81) * "and discovered the Kadri'Ra's worries." What worries specifically? Why is it important that he discovered them? Did he do anything about them?
 * 82) **Better?
 * 83) * "Saadoon-Kauldi then allied with Abdi-Badawzi" You mean he hadn't already? The previous paragraph concerning them made it sound like he had: "Abdi-Badawzi added Saadoon-Kauldi to his contact network."
 * 84) **Better?
 * 85) * "Abdi-Badawzi had sent Swain to sell Saadoon-Kauldi the ship precisely for that reason: The Twi'lek wanted an important, nearby ally supporting him, because he would then obtain greater influence and could expand the borders of his criminal empire to areas where Saadoon-Kauldi could protect him." Please mention this earlier, when you introduce Swain and the ship to begin with.
 * 86) **Better?
 * 87) ***Okay, but we're still missing out on the reason Abdi-Badawzi sent Swain to sell Kauldi the ship&mdash;that he wanted Kauldi nearby. Please reorder so that this is clear. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * Is there an article for the Socorran Navy? If not, please create and link.
 * 90) **Done.
 * 91) * "As Saadoon-Kauldi became a public figure in the Socorran system, several rumors about him appeared. People said that Saadoon-Kauldi had been kidnapped from Arapia and transported as a slave, something that made him sympathetic to Socorran eyes. There were similar rumors about Abdi-Badawzi." This seems rather out of place. Also, why is it important that such rumors were formed about Abdi-Badawzi? And (in-universe) "people" typically refers humans; unless you only mean to refer to humans, please use something like "beings" or "inhabitants of Socorro"
 * 92) **Importance: Added sentence to mention that Socorrans knew him. Abdi rumors: Rmvd. People: Changed by locals.
 * 93) * Why is there so much information on Ethra Brewery in the 4th paragraph of the "Life in Socorro" section? How is this information relevant to Saadoon-Kauldi's article?
 * 94) **Rmvd.
 * 95) * "When talking to others, Saadoon-Kauldi used his native Kadri'Ra language and required a translator, commonly his indentured servant Guzald." This is very randomly placed, and does not follow the previous sentence or even the section in which it is placed at all. Why not just put this in the P&T?
 * 96) **Rmvd, as it's already in P&T
 * 97) * Random placement for this paragraph as well; it simply does not follow the previous paragraphs: "Saadoon-Kauldi was respected among criminals, and sometimes admired as if he were a King. The Hutts, who were as long-lived as the Kadri'Ra, were known to have good opinion of Saadoon-Kauldi. Saadoon-Kauldi had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies."
 * 98) **Moved to P&T. Better?
 * 99) * Could the last section of the bio be broken up into two sections perhaps? It is far longer than any of the previous sections.
 * 100) **Better?
 * 101) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali, enter some cave and vanish from public view." How is this relevant?
 * 102) **Rmvd.
 * 103) * "nineteen-year-old promise of piracy" What do you mean "promise of piracy?"
 * 104) **Changed.
 * 105) * Final paragraph of the bio: "unfortunately" is POV.
 * 106) **Rmvd.
 * 107) * "The Black Bha'lir jumped to help these people, as they were members of the Bha'lir." "Jumped" is colloquial.
 * 108) **Changed.
 * 109) *Will continue with the P&T once these are taken care of. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 02:19, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) **Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:49, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) The Grand Master Continues
 * 112) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said to?" We're not interested in what others "said." Did he or didn't he?
 * 113) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * "Many Corellian smugglers living in Socorro wanted to work for him." Any reason why?
 * 115) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) * Why do you wait until the P&T to say that he was Force-sensitive? Also, was he aware of this? Is there any particular reason he was untrained? i.e. did he not desire to be trained? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) **Not changed: OS only mentions his F-sensitiveness in RPG stats, not specifying whether he was aware of it or not. Anything beyond untrained F-sensitive would be OR. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Okay, but if it just says that he was Force-sensitive, wouldn't adding that he was untrained also be OR? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) ****No, but added a footnote explaining it. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:50, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) * Why did you add "once" here? "He had low technical abilities and was a sub-par pilot.once." Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **Uh? How did it get there? Gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:27, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * What is Saadoon-Kauldi (organization)? Is this meant to be the same thing as Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire? if not, please link it at appropriate places in the article. If it is, then please check the title (is the organization really also called "Saadoon-Kauldi?") and merge the articles and CSD one of them.
 * 123) **The text consistently says "Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire"; S-K is the person. I say, delete Saadoon-Kauldi (organization) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) ***Please make sure all information is merged; the organization page currently says that its criminal dealings included loansharking and credit laundering, which you do not mention in the criminal empire page or on Saadoon-Kauldi's page. Please verify this, and if it is true, please add it to those two pages. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:21, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) * The intro is missing plenty of important info from the bio (i.e. barely any mention of his alliance with Abdi-Badawzi, which receives prominent mentions throughout the bio, nor any mention of his support of the Rebel Alliance, etc.) Please make certain that all appropriate topics are covered in the intro
 * 127) **Better?
 * 128) ***Actually, that's a bit too much. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 129) ****Lol! Let's try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) *****This is more reasonably sized, but you still leave out plenty of information that is dominant in the bio. i.e. you don't mention the Merkel, you give no indication as to why he moved to the Socorro system, nor do you give any mention of Paulsen and co, who dominate the whole two final paragraphs of the bio; etc. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:50, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 131) ******Merkel, explicitly checked. Reasons to move to Socorro, already present. Mentions to Paulsen and other allies, checked. Intro not excessively long overall, checked. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:36, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) *******A couple things; first, by reasons to move to Socorro, I meant that it was mainly because of Abdi-Badawzi (again, this receives prominent attention in the bio, but no mention in the intro); second, in the intro, you say that Saadoon-Kauldi offered to lodge Paulsen and his allies, whereas in the body you say he only offered to lodge Ross and and Ransom. Which is correct? Also, please create an article for Izzat, now that the redlink is in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:30, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 133) ********Abdi: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 134) ********Who was lodged: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 135) ********Izzat: Stubbed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 136) * "He believed his followers would remember that gesture." Is there any further significance to this? During my copy-edit, I considered adding: "&hellip;gesture and would thus show him more loyalty." or something similar; however, as I am unfamiliar with the material, I didn't, in case the source said otherwise. If the source confirms this or gives any reason why he cared that they would remember the gesture, please add something of the like.
 * 137) **Not significant enough. Rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) * "The Twi'lek then discovered that Saadoon-Kauldi was worried about the Empire's attempts against the Kadri'Ra's freedom and decided to take measures." Decided to take measures to do what?
 * 139) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 140) ***"hopefully gaining him as a friend." Did you mean "hoping to gain him as a friend?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 141) ****Yes, Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 142) * "other unwanted situations" "Unwanted" is possibly POV. Also, like what? What other types of situations?
 * 143) **Changed. Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 144) * How was the Galactic Empire "directly responsible of the dwindling number of Kadri'Ra in Arapia?
 * 145) **OS doesn't say anything more on that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 146) * In the first paragraph of the "Tensions with the Galactic Empire" section, you say that he joined the Rebel Alliance "around this time," with around this time referring to the previously-stated date of circa 10 BBY. However, the Alliance wasn't formed until 2 BBY. Please adjust the date accordingly (i.e. say something along the lines of "sometime after 2 BBY"). But remember to source this to a source that states when the Alliance was formed.
 * 147) **Added - but he still discovered the Imperial-caused holocaust in 10 BBY per Black Sands. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 148) * "pirate Drake Paulsen lost his father and mentor Kaine Paulsen" Do you mean Kaine Paulsen died? If so, please state so explicitly, and maybe even give a bit of context as to how he died.
 * 149) **Enough? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 150) ***Yes, but you've changed the meaninng. Now you say that Drake was murdered. Which is correct? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 151) ****Name shift! Shifted again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 152) * How was Izzat "treacherous?"
 * 153) **OS doesn't specify, but rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 154) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:24, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 155) * In the intro you currently say that he moved to the Socorro system, and then became allied with Abdi-Badawzi, but this conflicts the chronology presented in the bio. Please check which is correct.
 * 156) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 157) * You have 3 conflicing statements. In the intro you say that the Empire was acting against the Kadri'Ra, and was trying to destroy the Kadri'Ra culture; in the bio you only say that they were responsible for the dwindling number of Kadri-Ra (you don't even imply whether the Empire is intending to be responsible for this or not); and in the P/T you say the Empire was specifically trying to wipe out the Kadri'Ra language.
 * 158) **Changed: Both intro and bio mention Empire against culture and after Arapia holocaust. P/T does not mention the later, because it is not relevant in that section, I think. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 159) ***"Discreting" isn't a word. Also, now you say that they promoted the holocaust of the Kadri'Ra, which changes the meaning of what you had previously stated. Before, you said that they were responsible for it, but nothing more was specified, now what you say implies that the Empire actually sponsored some other faction to eradicate the Kadri'Ra. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 160) ****"Discreting" typo fixed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 161) ****The Empire "sponsoring a holocaust" and "promoted the decimation"; used as synonyms as per Thesaurus. Empire is "responsible of several activities against the K'R", including sponsoring their holocaust and actively discrediting their culture. I think the current text is consistent in that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 162) *****Yes they're synonyms, but that doesn't mean they can always be used interchangeably. To say that they "sponsored a holocaust" means that they supplied funds or otherwise endorsed the eradication of the Kadri'Ra, but did not actually directly eradicate the species themselves. To say that they "promoted the decimation" of the Kadri'Ra means that the Empire in some way&mdash;either by funds, propaganda, using their own military forces, or in any other possible way&mdash;advocated the destruction of the Kadri'Ra. And you've already said in response to an earlier objection that the source gives no more information on how the Empire opposed the Kadri'Ra, so to say specifically that they "sponsored it" would be OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:33, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 163) ******In my previous response I meant beyond that. OS p88: "[Kauldi] deeply grieves the holocaust sponsored by the Empire that is consuming his species", but nothing more. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:34, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 164) *******Then you were incorrect in response to my objection, which asked for any more information on their opposition of the Kadri'Ra: you said the OS gave no further information. Please be more careful in your responses in the future. Either way, I still don't see how this indicates that the Empire was specifically targeting the Kadri'Ra culture as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:32, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 165) ********References to "culture" removed; Empire only goes after language after "The language of the Kadri'Ra has been long forgotten as the 'indigent dialect of an intellectually inferior species' (at least according to the Imperials writing the textbooks).". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:40, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 166) * In the intro you call Saylor Marjan a "local criminal," but this is unspecified in the bio. Remember, there should be nothing in the intro that is not covered in the article body.
 * 167) **No longer applies. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 168) * Why does Marjan in particular receive mention in the intro? Is he really that important? In the bio, he seems no more important than Ancher or Oxsor.
 * 169) **Marjan removed from intro. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 170) * "but several other underworld factions did the same, including Abdi-Badawzi, Jabba Desilijic Tiure's criminal empire, and Black Sun." Here you name two factions and one being. Please try to be consistent. Was Abdi-Badawzi his own faction, by himself? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:07, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 171) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 172) Time to get this moving
 * 173) * Please try to make your paragraph size more uniformly larger. While this is purely aesthetic, having a ton of two- or three-sentence paragraphs throughout the article is not very appealing.
 * 174) **Have a look at the new distribution. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 175) * "and once those slaves had become his most powerful ally in sheer numbers": plurality isn't matching up here; please clarify.
 * 176) ** Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 177) * "Life in Socorro": this implies that he lived in the planet. Please clarify.
 * 178) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 179) * "Saadoon-Kauldi contacted with another local criminal group": this isn't an existing English idiom, and I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say. Do you mean that he made contact with another group?
 * 180) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 181) ***As a note for future reference, it's "made contact with", not "made contacted with." That simply doesn't work.  CC7567  (talk) 08:20, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 182) ****D'oh! Typo. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:32, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 183) *As a note (not an objection), "allied" is a transitive verb and therefore needs a direct object; saying that "he allied with" is not grammatically correct, while "he allied himself with" is. Please try to keep this in mind in the future.
 * 184) **Checked; apparently you got all the instances of this, ty. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 185) * "Understanding the burden of his people": how so? This doesn't quite seem to be the right word choice; if you're talking about the species' hardships, that might be better to use.
 * 186) **Better?
 * 187) * Can his Force-sensitivity be mentioned in the intro and body? Making it exclusive to the P&T isn't the right way to go here; it's relevant to the rest of the article too.
 * 188) **Mentioned. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 189) ***Please do so in the body somewhere as well. It's best to be consistent and not leave information like this in only certain parts of the article.  CC7567  (talk) 08:20, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 190) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:32, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 191) * Is it "crime lord" or "crimelord"? Please be consistent throughout the article.
 * 192) **The article is crime lord, but for some reason the category is Crimelords. Text changed to crime lords. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 193) *Fairly clean otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 01:23, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added GAnom template.-- RC 1138 Republic Emblem.svg hate bugs! 23:44, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

2242

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:56, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope he has not the same grammar errors as Gwarrk

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Shorten the intro a bit.  Xd  18:47, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've cut some explanations. Okay? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:26, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **It's still like half of the bio. Xd  19:30, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Better? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:44, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Fett
 * 6) * Welcome back, Lee. First off, in the infobox, you cannot source "human" to the db entry. "Rise of the Empire era", "Galactic Republic" and "Grand Army of the Republic" are not properly sourced either.
 * 7) **Sourced.
 * 8) * "Green Company was ordered not to attack until their Jedi General arrived." Why were they ordered not to attack? Also, who is the Jedi General.
 * 9) **Well, it wasn't stated why they should wait and it wasn't said that the Jedi General should be Fisto.
 * 10) * Missing "around 22 BBY" in the bio. Fact tags in the bio
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * "During the Clone Wars, 2242 adopted the nickname "Cooker" for being able to consistently hit the power cells of Confederate battle droids, making them burn." This reads awkwardly; mostly the "making them burn" part.
 * 13) **Reworded.
 * 14) * "Cooker's unit, Green Company," You make it sound like Green Company belonged to Cooker, although that's false.
 * 15) **Changed.
 * 16) * "...was dispatched to protect the native Rishii and was ordered not to attack until a Jedi General arrived." Why were they ordered not to attack until a Jedi General arrived?
 * 17) **Like the one above this wasn't stated.
 * 18) ***However, the way its written seems like it might have been. It's fine now, though.
 * 19) * "Fisto asked him via comlink how he received his name." Asked who?
 * 20) ** Also do you think these sentences: "Fisto asked him via comlink how he received his name. Cooker explained it to the Jedi Master and Fisto stated that he must have been a fine shot if he could hit the droids' power cells." could be reworded and added in his P&T? I find it redunant in Cooker's bio.
 * 21) ***Fixed the first and isn't the second stated in the P&T.
 * 22) ****It is, but vaguely worded.
 * 23) * "Fisto answered that that was fine because Cooker was supposed to target him." Improper English and very confusing. Please watch your grammar. Also "target him"? You failed to mention of Fisto's plan.
 * 24) **Fixed, I believe.
 * 25) * "Cooker was shocked and told Fisto that he could not shoot at him, but the Jedi explained him that he could not deflect the shots of the Geonosians, but he could deflect Cooker's shots with his lightsaber at the Genosians." This reads very awkwardly. Please be clearer. Also, I would recommend that you rewrite this sentence and the previous sentence (which is the objection above). Make sure you explain Fisto's plan, but straight-to-the-point. The way it reads currently is too pbp.
 * 26) **Fixed, I believe.
 * 27) ***Still rather too pbp.
 * 28) ****Better?-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:54, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Fisto also told Cooker to fire continuously at his shoulder and begged him not to miss." "begged" somehow doesn't work here. Who's begging and why?
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * "Fisto then noticed the massive doors to the mines opening and hoped that this meant a surrender." Read the first part to yourself out loud. "Fisto then noticed the massive doors to the mines opening" That's improper English, and is confusing. Later, you say "hoped for a surrender". Whose surrender?
 * 32) **Fixed.
 * 33) *Overall, please watch your grammar and linking. I'm going to check the article once more after you take care of these objections.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:32, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) **Thanks for the (first?) review, Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:40, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) The Grand Master
 * 36) * Intro: context for Green Company.
 * 37) **Added.
 * 38) * Intro: "and retake the exonium mines." What exonium mines? You haven't mentioned anything about them so far.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) * Grammar issues throughout the article.
 * 41) **Fixed.
 * 42) ***Still seeing some issues; mainly just a lot of awkward wording of phrases. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:03, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Better? And I will take a good look at Flanker. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:42, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) *****Several still remain. And again, please fix these objections yourself. Relying on other users to clean up your articles means that they're the ones who are really promoting the article, not you; and it also means that you aren't learning from the objections, which is the whole point of making objections to begin with. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:25, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ******If one of twenty is not fixed by me, a other user promotes this article. Dubious. How many errors are there and where?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:11, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *******The point is that grammar is a consistent problem with your noms and you need to learn to fix it yourself, because the GAN is largely about how the article is written. If an article contains poor grammar, it can often come across as incoherent and very difficult to review, because, due to improper grammar, what you're trying to say is often ambiguous. If you leave it to another user to fix this particular objection and don't even try to do so yourself, then you are not the one who is actually writing the article; the other user is. Avoiding grammar issues&mdash;along with avoiding awkward/poor wording&mdash;are basic English skills which are expected of the nominator. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:31, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ********Changed two or three. I also found two I'm rather unsure about.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:53, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *********The two changes you made are better; a couple of very minor things remain, but I'll strike for now and give the article another rerview soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:58, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) * "The Republic forces—along with some of the Rishii warriors—then arrived and attacked the mines, forcing the remaining Geonosians to flee." So Fisto and Green Company aren't Republic forces?
 * 50) **Fixed.
 * 51) * "a retreat was ordered by the arriving Jedi Master Kit Fisto." "Arriving" is rather confusing here.
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) ***This remains in the bio. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:59, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:48, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * Lots of wording of phrases in the intro and the body is exactly the same. Please change it up a bit.
 * 56) **Changed several.
 * 57) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:13, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thank you for your review Jon. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 21:30, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) The Grand Master II
 * 60) * "Adverse" doesn't really work well in the intro; please find a synonym.
 * 61) **Replaced with "vis-a-vis".
 * 62) * "Fisto revealed his plan to Cooker, which involved Cooker aiming at his shoulder and firing continuously." Does "his shoulder" refer to Cooker's shoulder or Fisto's?
 * 63) **Clarified.
 * 64) * The last couple sentences in the intro are confusing; first you say all the Geonosians had been killed, then you say the Republic forces arrived to attack the remaining Geonosian forces. Please specify that that some Geonosians were located in the canyon and others were in the mines.
 * 65) **Fixed.
 * 66) ***Please specify this beforehand. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ****Fixed.
 * 68) *****All you've done is specify it for the previous attack. Please specify that, for Fisto and Cooker's attack, some were in the canyon and some were not. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) ******Better?
 * 70) *******Grammar and over-all coherency issues here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:31, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ********Fixed.
 * 72) *********This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) **********Fixed.
 * 74) * Seeing some linking issues.
 * 75) **Fixed.
 * 76) * Link for the Geonosians' original invasion to capture the exonium mines? This and the Battle of Rishi article treat this invasion as a separate battle.
 * 77) **Linked and created.
 * 78) ***Redlink in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) ****Fixed.
 * 80) * "Cooker told the Jedi Master that he couldn't help him, because he had no line-of-sight with the enemy from his position." What was his position? You haven't specified it yet.
 * 81) **Fixed.
 * 82) ***Okay, but now I'm confused as to where the enemy is. I thought you stated in the intro that the Geonosians were in the canyon that led to the entrance, but if Cooker was directly across from the entrance and couldn't see the droids, how is this possible? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ****The Genosian forces where in the canyon, so that he couldn't see them.
 * 84) *****But if he was right across from the canyon how could he not see the Geonosians in the canyon? If he couldn't see in the canyon, perhaps this is not the right wording here; please check your meaning. Also, in the bio picture caption, you say he was above the canyon. Which is correrct? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) ******Clarified.
 * 86) ******* Also, on the picture, it appears he is on some sort of ledge. Perhaps mentioning this would be advantageous. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) ********Added.
 * 88) *********Just to clarify, the previous objection remains. Please adjust wording so this is more clear. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) **********Clarified.
 * 90) ***********I'm seeing no changes. Please specify how, if he was directly across from the canyon, he could not see the canyon. Again, I suspect you have used wording that means something you did not intend to mean here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:41, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) ************He could see the canyon but he couldn't see the Geos. I don't really understand your problem.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:11, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) *************I understand that. What I'm asking you to specify is why he couldn't see them. Because otherwise it's confusing to the reader how he could see the canyon, and the Geonosians were in the canyon, but he couldn't see them. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **************Added that the enemy was "well-entranched". Hope this helps.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:29, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) * The first three sentences of the third paragraph in the bio are worded poorly/awkwardly. Again, normally a "sofixit", but you need to learn to do this yourself.
 * 95) **Fixed.
 * 96) ***The third sentence is still awkward. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) ****Better?
 * 98) *****Well, it's less choppy, but why do you wait so long to say it? Why not mention that fact sooner? Right now it sounds like an after-thought. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) ******Fixed.
 * 100) *******Grammar. Lee, this problem is getting very old. After almost every objection you fix, there are grammar issues created by your rearranging of phrasing. Please be more careful. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 101) ********Better ?
 * 102) * Why don't you mention how Cooker saved Fisto in the intro?
 * 103) **The intro would not be proportional to the bio (Xd's objection).
 * 104) ***That doesn't matter, because this is vital information; use synonyms and alternate phrasing to make it shorter and to shorten other things in the intro, but never leave out important information. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) ****Fixed.
 * 106) *****Grammar/poor phrasing. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) ******Better?
 * 108) *******It's a bit of a run-on now. Also, why did you remove the link? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) ********Fixed.
 * 110) * First sentence of the P/T: did he like to watch the power cells burn, or the droids themselves?
 * 111) **Fixed.
 * 112) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 13:06, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 113) **Thank you for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:50, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * How do we know that Cooker was "loyal and obedient?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) **He obeyed Fisto's orders.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:30, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) ***So we know he obeyed orders once (something which was expected of him). This in no way means he was particularly obedient (after all, he did question Fisto's orders at first) and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with loyalty. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) ****He obeyed all orders from Fisto and was loyal enough to save his General. And if he obeys order he is obedient.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:01, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) *****This remains. Unless the source says that he was particularly loyal or obedient, this is a pretty baseless claim. You can pretty much say that every being ever created for the Star Wars universe is "obedient" because of that one time they followed orders. And to say that because 2242 helped Fisto he is "loyal" is completely POV and even OR. Please avoid using such generic statements as fillers in the P/Ts of articles. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) ******I changed it to "loyal and obedient like a clone trooper should be".  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:15, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) *******First off, this does not in any way fix the original objection. Second, does the source state that that's how a clone trooper should act? If not, then that is also OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:41, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) ********I sourced it with the databank. If you still insist on removing the loyal and obedient part, I'll remove it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:11, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) *********Again, this does not fix the objection. I repeat: You can pretty much say that every being ever created for the Star Wars universe is "obedient" because of that one time they followed orders. It's a pretty baseless and generic claim that shouldn't be used as a filler in the P&T. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 123) **********Removed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:29, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) The intro needs to be much shorter. Please summarize more and don't bother with the specific outline of the entire battle; just Cooker's role is necessary. Graestan ( Talk ) 18:23, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) *A good practice for judging how long an intro should be is by comparing its length in relation to the rest of the article. In this case, cutting the intro by about a third would be appropriate. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:27, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) **Cut down info not directly relevant to Cooker.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:31, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lens Reekeene

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Rebel General to be used as a NPC in a RPG Campaign, and part of my own mini-project. Currently 1200 words, probably I'll try for a FAN later.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Context on "Flankers"
 * 3) **Added; OS says little about that.
 * 4) * In the intro, you vaguely explained how he became a prison of the Empire, but in the bio, it's not even mentioned. "Sartran was disbanded by the Galactic Empire and the mercenaries employed by the company were imprisoned under false charges of conspiracy. While in prison," The jump from "being disbanded by the Empire" to being in prison is rough.
 * 5) **Better?
 * 6) * "While in prison, Lens met engineer Mikka Reekeene, also a former employee of Sartran. Lens and Mikka Reekeene got married in jail." This sounds like Mikka was also in prison for whatever reason. Was he an engineer in prison or a worker in that prison?
 * 7) **You are right. Better?
 * 8) * Try to add subsections within the bio. It will be more, concisely organized and well formatted.
 * 9) **Better?
 * 10) ***Much; also, is their any relevant quotes? If not, then it's fine.
 * 11) * If Lens was free in 11 BBY, how could she have joined the Rebellion? It wasn't established until 2 BBY.
 * 12) **Right. Typo in my notes, corrected: She was released in 3 BBY and soon after that (apparently some months), she joined the Rebellion.
 * 13) *More to come. Also, please watch your linking. I'll look through the article once more.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:32, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **More linking, and thank you for your review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:01, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) * Seeing some grammar issues throughout the article. This is getting old.
 * 17) **Try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:34, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Better, but still seeing several mistakes; a couple examples: "Circa 0 ABY, Reekeene also led the Roughnecks in "Operation Retribution," which simultaneously damaged assets of the Empire, while the Alliance suffered the minimum damage." "Also around this time, General Reekeene joined her husband, Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro onboard their mobile headquarters&hellip" (<--comma usage; this currently grammatically implies that Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro were Reekeene's husband.) Also, please see my note below on the linking; it applies here as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Might be better. I hope I could find every one. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *****You only fixed the one example I left on your talk page. Some wording issues remain. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ******General overwrite and complete copy-edit, even if those things rarely work. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * Why is there a birth date given in the infobox but not in the intro and bio?
 * 23) **Added.
 * 24) * Why is there no dating of events in the intro?
 * 25) **Added.
 * 26) * "an Irregular group of Rebel soldiers." This makes it sound as if the soldiers themselves were irregular, i.e. they were strange beings. Please reword so that you actually say what an "Irregular" means in this case.
 * 27) **Changed.
 * 28) * Why is the quote given outside of any section? Currently, the section which you have the quote has no prose. Please move it.
 * 29) **Changed.
 * 30) * Does the OS say why Sartran was disbanded, or why the mercs were imprisoned under false charges?
 * 31) **Added.
 * 32) * "Later, Mikka Reekeene was released from jail, because of a management mistake." This grammatically says that it was a mistake for him to be released. Is that true?
 * 33) **Yes. Reworded.
 * 34) * "and her less political husband followed her." What exactly do you mean by "less political," and by "followed her" do you mean that he, too, joined the Alliance? This isn't very clear.
 * 35) **Changed.
 * 36) * 2nd paragraph of "origins" section needs to be reworded more to follow Lens' POV. The first couple sentences sound like the article's suddenly switched to one about Mikka.
 * 37) **Changed.
 * 38) * Page for the local moff? If there is none, please create and link.
 * 39) **Added.
 * 40) * Page for Green Squad's mission to Abonshee?
 * 41) **Stubbed.
 * 42) ***Quick question&mdash;was the mission successful, or is this known? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * "None of the other officers objected anything to her." This doesn't make snese.
 * 45) **Removed.
 * 46) * Linking mistakes throughout. Please make sure not only that everything is linked, but also that everything is linked cleanly and properly.
 * 47) **I think I've found what you mean. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:27, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Still seeing some mistakes, inlcuding instances of underlinking. (Another hint for proper linking: refuelling is incorrect) Remember, when possible, please try to link things in the article if you can, as opposed to linking them in quotes; for instance, I'm sure you can work at least Alliance Intelligence and Godking into the article prose, even if you just pipelink. Also why do you have "limit of missions" linked to the page "23rd?" This makes absolutely no sense, especially sense you just got done saying that the limit of missions was 20. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Underlinking: Try.
 * 50) *****You have not added any links other than the ones that were in the quotes. This remains. Again&mdash;normally this would fall under "sofixit," but the fact of the matter is, this is a consistent problem with your noms; please take the time to correct it. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) ******Again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) *******You've only fixed the two examples I left on your talk page. This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) ********Two more: Commanding officer and Alliance recruitment agent. I can't see anything else missing. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Intel & Godking: Included in the prose.
 * 55) ****23rd: Survivors of 20 missions facing mandatory retirement were only a 23% of the agents, thus the nickname; article created but no change here.
 * 56) * "Fortunately, the Empire was outwitted." POV.
 * 57) **Removed.
 * 58) * "to reach a meeting with the Alliance commanding officers of the sector." What sector? Is this still the Fakir sector?
 * 59) **Yes. Added.
 * 60) * "keep them nervous" Keep who nervous? Also, lots of the wording in the P/T sounds like it may have been taken almost verbatim from the source. I am unfamiliar with the material, but please check and make sure you don't use the same words as the source.
 * 61) **Changed.
 * 62) ***What do you mean by making the Empire "feel unsure about the Roughnecks?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) ****Sorry: Insecure, not unsure. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) *****This still doesn't really make sense; how is she making the Empire "insecure?" Maybe something more along the lines of "she did her best to trouble/pester the Empire," or something of the sort? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:35, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ******Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *******Grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ********Now? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:35, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) * "tell others only what they needed to know." What others?
 * 69) **Changed.
 * 70) * Please check the format of the BTS quote. The source seems to be misformatted.
 * 71) **Changed.
 * 72) * "along with another Campaign" What other campaign? At least pipelink it.
 * 73) **Detailed.
 * 74) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:16, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) **Most done; still looking for the grammar part. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:21, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) One more for now: In the intro you say "Lens Reekeene was a female Human born in 54 BBY.", although it's the same in the first sentence of the bio. Mind rewording it?  JangFett  (Talk) 19:36, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) The Grand Master II
 * 79) * Nothing in the intro that isn't also in the body, please.
 * 80) **Changed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Very stiff, choppy prose throughout the article.
 * 82) **Modified. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ***Better, but for the first paragraph of the intro and the first paragraph of the bio this remains. See my edits to the second paragraph of the bio for an example of how to fix this. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ****Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) *****Much better, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) ******Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) * "The Reekeenes and Lazith'chika were the highest-ranking members of the Roughnecks. They briefed the squads and answered their questions. Once briefed for a mission, a member of the Roughnecks could not speak to anyone except the Reekeenes or Lazith'chika, as a security measure." This seems very randomly placed; it doesn't really follow or lead into the surrounding paragraphs.
 * 88) **Moved. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * In the "Operation Retribution" section, there are some inappropriate uses of "would be." Remember, this is a future-tense phrase, and should only be used when you are explaining the formation of a plan of what is going to happen (like you do here: "The Roughnecks would simultaneously raid several Imperial targets"), and even then you should follow it up with what did happen.
 * 90) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) *I'll continue with my review once you address these. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:45, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) * "Once Retribution was over, Reekeene sent the Long Shot to the planet Iyuta. The Empire had a communication center there and Reekeene wanted a listening device on it. Reekeene had a contact on Iyuta, but the Empire had already found, killed and replaced this person, as a part of a plot to follow the Rebel agents to their headquarters. However, the Empire was outwitted." The content of this is rather ambiguous. It cuts off rather short, leaving the reader confused. How was the Empire outwitted? In what was the Empire outwitted? Did Lens ever get the listening device on the planet? Also, please specify better why it was a big deal that the Empire killed and replaced Lens' contact. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **More detail added, but OS only gives an overview of the adventure; individual Gamemasters are supposed to develop, complete and detail the given outlines. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) ***That's fine, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ****Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Orbital Security Station Six

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:46, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The conclusive, third part of Project Femi; so old I'd completely forgotten about it.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1)  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:30, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Large amount of factual errors brought to light by Trayus. I will have to re-review before I unstrike my vote. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:38, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Make sure everything is past tense.
 * 3) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * In reality, this was just a ruse to allow the Sith fleet to directly attack Coruscant, where, rather than transmit proper clearance codes to the satellite, Orbital Security Station Six was destroyed before the fleet continued assaulting the planet. Reword that last section. Also, the assault didn't "continue" because it has not yet begun. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:15, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **How about now?. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Return of the Sith Empire
 * 7) * "Orbital Security Station Six was the first to encounter the mass of ships" - What do you mean by "mass of ships"? Please be more specific.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) * You need to be more explicit in the intro in regards to how the station was destroyed.
 * 10) **Done.
 * 11) * I would suggest creating and linking an Orbital Security Station article.
 * 12) **And include what? Just because its name has "six" in it doesn't mean its part of a series. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Orbital Security Stations have been referenced in other sources, meaning that it is either a model of station or a specific role. Either option would require that it be mentioned and linked to in your infobox and/or intro.
 * 14) ****I created it and did the latter, mentioning the existence of others in the description. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * I would remove the term "quite bulky" from the Description section. It's unencyclopedic and somewhat POV, given that there's no other ship close enough to it to give an accurate comparison of size and bulk.
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) *"The dorsal side of the craft was adorned with two cylinders lined with blue and black viewports." - First, we don't know that that is the dorsal side, second, you shouldn't refer to the station as a "craft," and third, those are never confirmed to be viewports. Perhaps they are just lights, but regardless, we can't specify.
 * 18) **Changed to "surfaces" NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **Whoops. I fixed the "dorsal" part. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:21, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * "There was a way to easily transfer workers aboard the ship on and off-planet as their shifts changed." - pure speculation.
 * 21) **No. Femi says she was looking forward to going home after her shift, therefore there must be a way to get them back to Coruscant. I took out "easily."
 * 22) ***The easy was what I was referring to as speculation. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * In the history you say that Femi was nervous about seeing the Sith fleet and that their arrival was unexpected because they were supposed to be negotiating a peace on Alderaan. This is largely incorrect&mdash;Femi didn't know it was a Sith fleet, and we have no indication of her being nervous as a result of seeing it. She simply claims not to be expecting the vessel, whic could be for a variety of reasons.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * The Great Galactic War had not been going on for a century.
 * 26) **Grr outdated information. Fixed.
 * 27) * Everything past the destruction of the station in the History section is fluff. You can give a brief summary (as in one sentence) of the result of the Sacking, but anything more is too much.
 * 28) **I made it two. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:09, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) **You still have a few issues here and there, I'll give it another review soon. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Grimorg

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:36, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just a bit too short for FA standards.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- 1358  (Talk) 05:01, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I wonder what you'll do once all these guys are done... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:18, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Great job.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:39, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee doesn't know this era
 * 2) * Place of death is missing in the infobox.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Not really an objection but could you take care of the redlink ?
 * 5) **Taken care of.
 * 6) * Is it said how he was slain (Shiak, Sai cha, Sai tok) ?
 * 7) **Nope. The only evidence we have of his death in the source material is that we see his corpse lying on the ground after the fight. We don't see Nomi killing him.
 * 8) *That's all. Good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:49, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Farlstendoiro. Just one, and it's mostly a suggestion
 * 10) * "Stonebone initially refused, forcing Bogga to unleash his hssiss pet" Maybe "prompting Bogga"? I don't think Stonebone forced Bogga to do such a thing.Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:51, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **Fixed.

Comments
 * Not an objection, but in the appearances section you have "A Guide to the Star Wars Universe (Third Edition)". Shouldn't it be something like "A Guide to the Star Wars Universe, Third Edition"? -- 1358  (Talk) 05:01, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, it should be. And it's something minor enough that you're encouraged to fix it when you see it in the process of your review. "Sofixit," as the Inqs like to call it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:47, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * I wasn't sure about it, so I decided to ask. And I'm aware of sofixit. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:04, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed now. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:06, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Llerd

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 16:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Look at the article's edit history!

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:54, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:50, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * The intro currerntly implies that it was due solely to Druur's sabotage that the ship misjumped and traveled through time, which is not true.
 * 3) **This is better, but maybe clarify that they intended to jump into hyperspace, because right now it kind of sounds like they jumped because the Jedi damaged the drive and the bridge. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:02, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ch-ch-check it out! Menkooroo 15:24, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * "When it was discovered that Druur was aboard&hellip;" Aboard what?
 * 6) * The bio is probably big enough to be subsectioned.
 * 7) * Bio: why did Druur board them? Why was he hostile?
 * 8) * Why did Hassin crash his Infiltrator into the Harbinger?
 * 9) * "&hellip;for their wayward Jedi." Please make clear that this refers to Druur.
 * 10) * "Llerd also noticed one of the ship's escape pods" Which ship's? The Harbinger or the Junker?
 * 11) * Why was he ordered to fire on the escape pod?
 * 12) * Why did Rrogon order Llerd not to scan any subspace channels?
 * 13) * "Llerd was eager to see Junker destroyed, and when it jettisoned its cargo into an asteroid, he believed that the Blade starfighters had succeeded." How did this make them believe the Junker had been destroyed?
 * 14) * You say the Flotsam appeared under Harbinger, but as I recall Marr and Relin were using the Junker. Which is correct?
 * 15) * "&hellip;that Druur was aboard the ship" Which ship? Junker or Harbinger?
 * 16) * Please link Mission to the Harbinger somewhere in the bio.
 * 17) * Please note that prose excerpts cannot be used as quotes, unless it is from an IU writing.
 * 18) *Good work. Glad to see somebody else doing a Crosscurrent nom :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:01, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **I've wanted to do Llerd for a couple months, but your Druur nom inspired me to get to it! Thanks for the review. You're right, it was totally Junker, not Flotsam. I've addressed that, and hopefully every other objection above. Menkooroo 14:51, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ***No problem. Just one objection remaining, and I'll give it another look-over. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:02, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Just one more: the main quote could probably be changed, especially since the "Destruction of the Harbinger" quote contains it.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:38, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) *Quotes are pretty sparse for the dude. And there isn't a better leading quote. Sooooo... I jettisoned it from Destruction of the Harbinger. Bam! Menkooroo 15:44, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *Also, "the" Junker is incorrect. Menkooroo 15:46, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) **That's more of a personal preference thing than a technical issue, but just make sure that your usage is consistent throughout the article. I changed it to "the Junker" as opposed to just "Junker" because you tend use "the Harbinger" throughout the article.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:50, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) ***I was going by the wookiee articles, but the book doesn't use "the" for either of them, so I'll jettison the the from Harbinger as well. Menkooroo 15:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Sounds good; just so long as it is consistent within the article :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * It's under one thousand!!!! Menkooroo 16:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Unidentified Aqualish (North Apartments)

 * Nominated by: SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My 8th and 9th GA noms. Hopefully with few errors.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:55, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * Unidentfied should be never used in articles.
 * 3) **Oops. Fixed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Can a article be created for the Sith base ?
 * 5) **They just call it "the base". By that, I assume they mean the Tarisian military base, but since it's not outright stated, it's a vague term. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *That's all from me. I corrected some underlinking, otherwise good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:57, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review. BTW, I know I shouldn't be talking since I missed the link myself, but the correct link to credits is Galactic Credit Standard. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) The Duchess's judgement
 * 9) *In the into, where you say "He hated the Darth Malak's Sith Empire", wouldn't it look better, and be more correct, grammer wise, to say "He hated Darth Malak's Sith Empire"? Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 02:01, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **My mistake. Fixed. Thanks for the review. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:32, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Kasra and Tommy for help with sources. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Jaunty Cavalier

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:00, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A jaunty Cavalier (One) brings you a Jaunty Cavalier

(4 ACs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Grunny  ( talk ) 10:37, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:58, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:58, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:36, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Barel Ovair

 * Nominated by: &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to nom something simple this time. This article is paired pretty closely with Eison Gynt and has only one appearance/source. Looking forward to your comments and objections.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Much improved. An interesting read. I like. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:55, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:27, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * You're missing needed information in both the intro and bio. I.e, He was a Human male.
 * 3) **Added human male to description. Not sure what else would be missing, as the timeline was light on biographical information such as place of birth, etc. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***"Human male" was all that was needed.
 * 5) * "As a Jedi Master, Ovair took a promising" "promising" sounds like poi/OR, if anything. Are you sure that he was described as "promising"?
 * 6) **Exact quote from transcript: "widely considered to be the most promising padawan in the order". &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * You say he has taken a Padawan in the bio, but it's not mentioned in the intro. You also mention that he was a spy, and among other things in the intro, although they aren't mentioned in the bio.
 * 8) **Elaborated on actually "taking" a padawan in the intro and not simply having a padawan. Elaborated on why he was spying in the bio and not just that he was a "sith infiltrator". &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Gynt returned several years later" Returned where?
 * 10) **Clarified that he was resurfacing on Coruscant. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) |
 * 11) * When you say that Ovair was "defeated" in both the intro and bio, do you mean that he was killed? Please, clarify.
 * 12) **Clarified that Gynt was killed by Ovair. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) * The improper usage of the "Equipment" section could be merged with the "Power and abilities," sine it only contains a single sentence.
 * 14) **Merged. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Ovair was a Jedi Master from a respected family line of Jedi. He was also a trained Sith infiltrator of the Sith Emperor." These should be mentioned with the bio, rather than the Power and abilities section.
 * 16) **Moved. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) * If he did speak and if he was mentioned by others, then the article needs a P&T.
 * 18) **He did not speak. He was seen only in flashbacks and the events were narrated by Gnost-Dural who did not speculate on his motivations or describe his personality. If I were to attempt to add a P&t section, I would only be able to describe him physically. Should I do so? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ***You can, however, it's optional, as he did not speak.
 * 20) *Please watching your linking. Also, note that "Padawan" should be capitalized.  JangFett  (Talk) 22:46, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **Yes, I saw you make those changes in your copy-edit. I will run through the article again to make sure the linking is correct. Thank you for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) If it is not stated that his master was the Sith Emperor, it shouldn't be in the infobox. Possible more to come.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:07, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *Hmm. Not sure who added that. Thanks for the catch! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:35, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) Soresu
 * 25) * What do you mean when you say his eye colour is brown and yellow?
 * 26) **Some images in the timeline show them as brown, but after Gnost-Dural declares his allegiance to the Sith Empire, they appear orange-yellow. I am assuming this is a portrayal of dark side corruption as seen in Darth Caedus. I have elaborated on this in the infobox. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) * Try to keep paragraph length similar. That first paragraph in the bio looks glaringly out of place.
 * 28) **Good point, combined. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Then one day. This sounds unprofessional. Use something else like "on one of their missions".
 * 30) **It's also kind of a weasle-word phrase. Struck. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) * Bio should probably mention species and gender as well.
 * 32) **Added. Also, "human" is not capitalized, correct? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Actually, no, all sentient species' names are capitalised. I fixed it up. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:55, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Oh! My bad, good to know! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) * Instead of revealing the purpose of the mission to Yavin at the end, as one would in the source, explain his motives as you write of the events, while noting that his Padawan, or whoever, were unaware of them. It's more encyclopedic.
 * 36) **Good advice. Altered the text to be more clear about his dual role throughout the events. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) * Is it known what he's doing in that image? If it's anything of significance it should be in the bio.
 * 38) **Double-checked and confirmed that it was Ovair being debriefed after dueling and slaying Gynt. I modified the language of that section to more closely resemble that of the transcript. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) *Notes on a few things I fixed up. Image and quote captions should have periods at the end if they are full sentences, the galaxy should be linked, and previous ancestors is a little redundant. Overall though, it's well done. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) **Thanks! And thank you for the review! I will address those last two points later tonight. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) **Okay, last two points addressed, thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Eison Gynt

 * Nominated by: &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to nom something simple this time. This article is paired pretty closely with Barel Ovair and has only one appearance/source. Looking forward to your comments and objections.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:44, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:48, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Way too many images. --  1358  (Talk) 19:40, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Cut it down to one image. (Cried a little in my heart, because they're all just so pretty.) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:46, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Missing vital info in the bio, like species and sex. Sentient species, like Nautolan, are always capitalized. I will possibly give the article a full review. --  1358  (Talk) 08:10, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Information in intro expanded. Made sure that "Padawan" and "Nautolan" were always capitalized. Thanks for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Bio has still no info about this. -- 1358  (Talk) 05:00, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Doh! My apologies. I checked the intro and didn't look at the bio! I have added it to the bio. Thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:12, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Date and place of death are missing in the infobox. Possible a full review later.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:05, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *Added place/year (circa) of death according to source. Thanks for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) If he was possessed by Sadow's spirit, the Sith Empire (or at the very least, the Sith in general) should be listed as his affiliation. Also, I believe he warrants a Sith infobox for the same reason.  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:03, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *There's currently a discussion about this on the article's talk page. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:06, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **I'll strike then. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:44, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) ***I have no preference, and will change it to whatever is decided on the talk page. (and thanks for the review!) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) Soresu
 * 14) * Only one from me: Ovair's true allegiance to the Empire was not revealed until years later, when Jedi historian Gnost-Dural researched the events of Gynt's death. and Over a century later, Jedi historian Gnost-Dural questioned why the spirit of Sadow would have sought vengeance against Ovair specifically, and made the connection between Ovair and the Sith. He realized that Ovair and his Jedi ancestors were in fact spies working on behalf of the Sith Emperor. These sentences seem to be more about Ovair than Gynt. It would be good to link Dural's research to Gynt in some way. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:16, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Good thought. I have massaged the text a bit: Ovair's Imperial allegiance and complicity in manipulating Gynt to his death were not revealed until years later, when Jedi historian Gnost-Dural researched the events of Gynt's death. and Over a century later, Jedi historian Gnost-Dural researched the events surrounding Gynt's death. He questioned why the spirit of Sadow, having taken possession of Gynt, would have sought vengeance against Ovair specifically. Gnost-Dural concluded that Ovair and his Jedi ancestors were in fact spies working on behalf of the Sith Emperor; that Ovair had manipulated Gynt to draw out Sadow's spirit. The Emperor had viewed the old Sith Lords as potential threats. Sadow's defeat, and Gynt's death, eliminated one of those threats and made the invasion of the Republic easier during the Great Galactic War.. Hopefully these changes suffice without sounding contrived or changing the meaning of events. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 01:19, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ***The Emperor had viewed the old Sith Lords as potential threats. This sentence is a little short and out of place, and could probably be merged into a nearby sentence. Other than that, it looks good. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:42, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Revised text: The Emperor had viewed the old Sith Lords as potential threats, and Sadow's defeat&mdash;along with Gynt's death&mdash;eliminated one of those threats, which made the invasion of the Republic easier during the Great Galactic War. Hopefully that fixes the issue. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:05, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Thirsty Bantha

 * Nominated by: Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eh. --Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support Object Comments
 * 1) After a short IRC review. -- 1358  (Talk) 08:08, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) We should consider creating WookieeProject: Drinking establishments. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:33, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Good read.  JangFett  (Talk) 18:24, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Duchess looks it over
 * 2) *When you say in the into, "lest something bad happen to Thirsty Bantha", what do you mean by that? What bad thing precisely was going to happen? Also, the entire article isn't sourced at all. In the "History" section, 4th paragragh, you say that "who demanded to be served mass amounts of drinks", did you mean "massive amounts of drinks"? Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 23:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **The article only has one source, so does not need to be sourced. --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Per Eyrezer. The game does not specify what bad thing would happen. The usage of mass is perfectly acceptable. --Imperialles 06:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Ah, I didn't know about that particular sourcing rule. Other than that, great job. Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 18:13, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Farlstendoiro in the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantiiiina
 * 7) * "A fifteen day deadline" or "a fifteen-day deadline"?
 * 8) * Underlinking: Credits, Gamorrean, maybe "helper droid" if it is some kind of specific technology.
 * 9) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:54, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **Fifteen-day indeed. Credits is linked to once in the intro, once in the body. Linked to Gamorrean. Helper droid is not a specific technology. --Imperialles 08:04, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Cylka:
 * 12) *fifteen-day deadline to cough up the money - Cough up is a bit colloquial.
 * 13) *Luckily for Robb - Luckily is a bit POV. If he was the one who thought himself lucky, then add that in.
 * 14) *In the Description section, you introduce Nia Adea and the reader isn't sure who she is. It might be better to avoid mentioning her in that section.
 * 15) *Unfortunately for Robb - Same thing, unfortunately is a bit POV.
 * 16) *I think that a little context for Wunda should be included. I'm assuming that he was the local crimelord, since the Hutts usually were. If I'm correct, that would be good to include, just to show that he was important.
 * 17) *After spending the entire day in the cantina, he left without paying. - This sentence regarding Wunda doesn't seem to connect the first part of the paragraph to the rest of the paragraph. Would it be possible to connect it to the next sentence by saying something like, Wunda's drinking binge didn't hurt the Thirsty Bantha's finances or something?
 * 18) *In the intro you mention that the Thirsty Bantha operated around the time of the Galactic Empire, that it was named after the bantha, and that Adea was Human, but not in the main body.
 * 19) *Interesting little cantina you picked to write about. Cylka  -talk- 21:29, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **I believe I have addressed your objections. Have a look. --Imperialles 21:42, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Gektl

 * Nominated by: jSarek 05:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Operation Clever Girl comes back from retirement to bring you Stafuv Rahz's species, a veritable Tiss'shar Lite! Thanks to Havac, Hydro, and Trak, who helped me with the images. jSarek 05:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 09:32, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) By the Staff of Ra, I shall vote! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice! ~ SavageBob 15:46, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Just from a quick glance, please kill that redlink in the intro. I'll give the article a full review soon.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:18, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *D'oh! Right, "no redlinks in the introduction." Fixed. jSarek 23:40, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Please expand coverage of Bring Me the Children. It is currently only one sentence n the GitG section. Can you also add another sentence on Rahz to the intro? --Eyrezer 04:16, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Both completed. jSarek 09:03, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa:
 * 6) * The intro could use a fair expansion from the four sentences currently afforded to it. A healthy-sized paragraph or two should be enough. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Expanded. jSarek 09:03, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) Farlstendoiro reviews an alien species.
 * 9) * Are Gektl painted eggs really the eggs laid by female Gektls? Or eggs laid by others and painted by Gektls?
 * 10) **Alas, the article is unclear on this point.
 * 11) * If Voren Na'al spells "Gecktl", maybe the species are known both as Gektl and Gecktl?
 * 12) **Good point; added.
 * 13) * "Rahz later died on Harix after a sabotaged weapon Rahz attempts to use to execute captives kills him." Uh, I can't understand what happened, but at least I dislike the present tense in "attempts" and "kills". May you please reword this?
 * 14) **Oy, that was all kinds of bad. Fortunately, it's been addressed as part of Eyrezer's request for more info on that event.
 * 15) * Please create an article on "unidentified Gektl criminal".
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:01, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) **jSarek 09:03, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 20) * Can you mention that their flesh is pale-colored under the scales when they shed it? This judging from the illustration you used. That's all! ~ SavageBob 04:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **Information added. jSarek 04:17, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Cha Niathal's assistant

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:09, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: another quickie; the only mentions of this assistant are in the two given quotes, so there is no info for a P/T

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) So clean.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:38, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:00, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Revise any errors in my copy-edit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:38, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) She got what she deserved. Her death was an apology for LOTF.
 * 2) * I know generally you aren't supposed to do this, but perhaps the word "individual" should be bolded in the intro. "This assistant served as a personal aide" is really redundant.
 * 3) **I disagree; I don't really feel that it's that redundant, she was an assistant (that's her "profession") who served as a personal aide to Niathal (what she did in her life).
 * 4) ***I see your point. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:00, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * Is there an article on Cha's trial? Even though it couldn't take place, it was still planned and notarized apparently.
 * 6) **No there is no article, nor should there be one. It never took place, and there is no indication that it was ever fully planned-out. No judge is known, no defendant is known. There would be nothing to put in the article except to say that it was a trial that never took palce.
 * 7) *Other than that, great. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:06, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) **Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:21, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Jurokk

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:03, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Interesting article (Darth Vader's first Jedi kill). Thanks to Master Jonathan for the pre-nom review and the copy-edit

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Comments
 * 1) Please use proper quote templates. --  1358  (Talk) 18:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *I don't understand your problem. It is a proper quote template.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **I fixed this, Lee. Please watch out for this in the future.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Can't believe someone beat me to him
 * 5) * "In 19 BBY, It was revealed that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine" Be a little bit more specific. The galaxy at large doesn't know he was a Sith.
 * 6) **Clarified.
 * 7) ***Revealed to whom? The first choice would be to say "Windu," but the Jedi Order itself would be more appropriate.
 * 8) ****Fixed.
 * 9) *****I wrote Windu because it is accurate.
 * 10) ******I didn't say it wasn't. The way it is written now, Windu should be used. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) * Link to Operation: Knightfall in the Intro
 * 12) **I don't see where and why
 * 13) ***Jurokk was its first victim so its relevant. Do what you did in the body, move past his death a little and say Vader went inside.
 * 14) ****Added.
 * 15) * Maybe a link to the 501st Legion
 * 16) **Not relevant
 * 17) ***I don't mean put "501st Legion" in the text, pipelink it. And of course its relevant, they were part of the assault.
 * 18) * The P&T starts abruptly, ease into it a little more.
 * 19) **Better ?
 * 20) ***Not really. Begin with something like "Jurokk, a male Jedi, became a Jedi Master..." Just take it a bit slow.
 * 21) ****Better ?
 * 22) *****Passable. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * "Windu trusted Jurokk enough to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of Jurokk." Double "Jurokk"
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) *A little context on his Gate Keeper profession in the BTS P&T (Or somewhere else it is identified), please.
 * 26) **There is not really context on it except the word itself.
 * 27) ***Well, it's the guy who watches the main gate all day. Something like that would contextify it.
 * 28) ****Fixed.
 * 29) *****Maybe you shouldn't mention him being a Jedi Master and Gate Master in the same sentence, break it up. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:34, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) *****No change. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:11, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) ******Eh first sentence in the bio.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:48, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) *******Definitely in need of a reword. That's a double "and" and the Gate Keeper profession is unconnected to the Gate Keeper profession as it stands. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ********Fixed.
 * 34) *********The way it's written, Gate Master and that he was tasked with watching the gate are unconnected. Perhaps you should break up saying he was made a Jedi Master and appointed Gate Master into two sentences. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:21, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) *"Although skilled in the Force" The novel doesn't say he was skilled in the Force.
 * 36) **Changed to Force-sensitive which he definetely was. But he had to be skilled in the Force if he reached the rank of a Jedi Master.
 * 37) ***Not neccisarily.
 * 38) ****Unstricken because his "strength in the Force" does not neccisarily make him worthy of being a Jedi Master. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) *****It I look at other GAs there is the same wording so I think it is correct.
 * 40) ******That article doesn't say he was made a Master because he was strong in the Force. It stays appropriately vague, mentioning he had the qualifiications but not exacly what. You don't neccisarily have to be, in a probably too vague word, "powerful" to be a Master.
 * 41) * In the BTS, you don't have to ref an OOU statement if the sentence has the source in it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:47, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) **Well, but I like it so. Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) Fett
 * 44) *" In 19 BBY, Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker revealed that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine was secretly the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious." How is this line even relevant to him? Also, revealed to who?
 * 45) **Added and it is important.
 * 46) ***Who tasked them?
 * 47) ****Fixed.
 * 48) *****I see no change.
 * 49) ******Ah my fault. Fixed.
 * 50) * The next two sentences in the intro need clarifying. "asking what happened" Then you say, he saw troops and then he asked "asked what's wrong". Please fix this.
 * 51) **Fixed.
 * 52) ***You can merge these sentences together to remove the pbp of it, Lee.
 * 53) ****Merged.
 * 54) * Why do you pipe link the three Jedi Masters in the bio? If anything, the proper use of the mdash would be sufficient.
 * 55) **Fixed.
 * 56) *"Jurokk once again asked Skywalker if something was wrong and saw thousands of clone troopers behind Skywalker." "Jurokk again demanded to know what happened." You never mentioned that he asked if something was wrong previously in the bio. Also, please be careful. Specifically the second paragraph of the bio is too pbp.
 * 57) **Fixed.
 * 58) ***This remains.
 * 59) ****Merged some sentences.
 * 60) *****"and once again asked Skywalker if something was wrong." Again, you never mentioned that he asked this to Skywalker before. Also, please check your grammar.
 * 61) ******Better?
 * 62) *"The male Jurokk reached the rank of Jedi Master and was appointed Gate Master." This doesn't belong in the P&T, and rather should deserve a mentioning in the bio.
 * 63) **Well it is something about his force-sensitivity. It should be in a P&A section but there is not enough info for it.
 * 64) ***This remains.
 * 65) ****I hope it is now acceptable for you.
 * 66) *****"Jurokk was strong enough in the Force to reach the rank of a Jedi Master and was appointed Gate Master sometime before 19 BBY" This is too poi and, unless it's mentioned in the novel or can be sourced elsewhere, you cannot say this, as it's speculation. Please reword.
 * 67) ******Reworded.
 * 68) * "Windu trusted Jurokk enough to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of the Gate Master." This is centered on Windu's poi, rather than Jurokk. You're suggesting that Windu trusted him. This isn't his P&T.
 * 69) **Fixed.
 * 70) ***"Jurokk was trusted enough by Windu to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of the Gate Master." This can be reworded. It's still saying that Windu trusted him, rather than showing that Jurokk can be trusted.
 * 71) ****Better?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:49, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) *****Please take a look at the changes I have made.
 * 73) *Possibly more to come, Lee.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) **Thanks for the review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:04, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) *Can you mention that Windu tasked him to watch the Gate eariler in the bio?
 * 76) **Eh it is not stated in the novel that Jurokk was tasked with watching the gate.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:40, April 21, 2010 (UTC)

Crik

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:16, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Jerjerrod figure from Purge: The Hidden Blade.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:33, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:25, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:00, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:34, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Graestan ( Talk ) 15:23, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * Not really an objection, but could you kill the two redlinks. That's all.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:13, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **This is not a valid objection, Lee. The nominator is within his rights to leave three or fewer redlinks in the body of the article if he so chooses. You may request that he kills the redlinks, but this should not be done as a formal objection. Please be aware that the AC will be forced to strike this objection as invalid if it is not resolved shortly. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:19, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Not needed, Tope. Next time I post it under Comments.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:25, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Thank you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:34, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa:
 * 7) * Can we link to the Battle of Otavon XII in the "assault" mention in the intro?
 * 8) * I feel like this could be worded somewhat differently, rather than suggesting Vader's analysis was ultimately incorrect, to instead say it was ultimately Crik's failure to get the AT-ATs working that doomed him. "though Vader believed Tremor Base provided adequate protection, this proved not to be the case when sugati destroyed it while Vader was away." Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:19, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Drophan

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:22, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Massassi warrior from Crosscurrent

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:40, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:24, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Graestan ( Talk ) 15:39, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * He was confronted by Drophan, who interrogated Druur and began to report the intruder. Druur then attacked Drophan, decapitating him with his lightsaber before the Massassi could report him. Could you replace the second report with a synonym. Also could you reword the last sentence so that it is from Drophan's POV ?
 * 3) **I don't see why the second report should be changed; it's in a separate sentence. And the last sentence is from Drophan's POV. There's no issue here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:20, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Drophan first appeared briefly as a minor character in Paul S. Kemp's debut Star Wars novel, Crosscurrent, released January 26, 2010. Word missing ?
 * 5) **This sentence is grammatically correct, Lee. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:20, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *Nice work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Eyrezer: to be honest, I feel the second paragraph in the P&T adds nothing to the article. It mostly repeats what is already in the Biography. Removing won't compromise the GAN word count threshold either. Can you remove it or substantially reduce it to remove the redundancy? --Eyrezer 08:53, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *I don't see any problem with the paragraph; it talks about Drophan's personality, and provides situational occurances. Leaving it out or even just reducing it would be removing important information about his personality. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Gruna

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 23:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An exceedingly minor character. Short and sweet.

(0 ACs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:47, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) What can I say? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:05, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:22, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Graestan ( Talk ) 16:09, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Roko

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 02:55, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, me again.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:43, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Okey, now it's Fnnbu, right? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:20, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro is here too
 * 2) * Are redlinks allowed at all in infoboxes? Btw, something must be wrong because that article should exist
 * 3) **What are you talking about? No redlinks in the article.
 * 4) ***It was '4000 BBY' instead of 4, 001 BBY'
 * 5) ****Oh, haha.
 * 6) * Anyway, if Roko died in 4,001 BBY, how could he be active in 4,000 BBY?
 * 7) **Fixed this one, if you don't mind. There was a comma missing. -- 1358  (Talk) 16:55, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Besides, the events took place in 4,000 BBY.
 * 9) * Do we say "unidentified" in the text? I thought that word was reserved for cases in which something (i.e. a species) was unidentified in-universe.
 * 10) **Well, I don't see his species being identified anywhere. But addressed.
 * 11) ***"Unidentified" still used in the intro.
 * 12) ****Addressed.
 * 13) * Underlinking: At the very least, in the intro: "Enforcer One" and Gruna's hauler. Please review this.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) * Bio: Should Roko's prisoner have an article?
 * 16) **Created.
 * 17) * NPOV: "Their jubilance was short-lived" and "a fearsome ensemble". Short-lived and fearsome compared to what?
 * 18) **Why does it have to be compared to anything? Their jubilance was short-lived because the Enforcer One showed up right away and captured them. But I removed the "Fearsome" part.
 * 19) *Fnnbu is next, I hope.Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:21, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **He is.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 20:46, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Jep, Lee attacks too
 * 22) * A second picture, possibly one of his death ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:45, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **Added. Sorry, but the picture's a bit small.

Comments

Tolo

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 10:37, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 273 words

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Imperialles 10:46, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Clean. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) "What are you gonna do next?" I'm going to ToloLand! NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 11:43, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:22, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:51, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) *Can we get at least a redlink to the tourism board? As banal as it may seem, it is an in-universe organization that should probably have an article. ~ SavageBob 15:23, April 21, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Cavalier One for supplying the Fact Files info. --Eyrezer 10:41, April 21, 2010 (UTC)

Unidentified Jedi (Endar Spire)

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:25, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 331 words.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Identified vote (Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:59, April 21, 2010 (UTC))

Object
 * 1) Unidentified Farlstendoiro (GAN page)
 * 2) * You can mention what caused the explosion of the wall - even if it is simply "the battle" or "a blast from an enemy ship" or anything.
 * 3) **Added.
 * 4) *GANom tag added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:37, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thank you. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:56, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Lee attacks
 * 7) *You give context on Revan and Ulgo twice. Remove one of it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Soresu remembers creating this article last year
 * 10) * Do we actually know that the duel was short? IIRC, they are already fighting by the time you open that door.
 * 11) **Crap, I thought I got that. Removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:07, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) ***During the battle, she engaged a Sith aboard the vessel. She killed him during a lightsaber duel that followed though the wall section behind her exploded moments later, killing her. Chronologically, by the time you start that second sentence, the duel has already begun; there is no need for during a lightsaber duel that followed. The fact that it involved lightsabers could be moved into the previous sentence.
 * 13) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *Though she was victorious, eliminating the Sith, she was killed before Trask Ulgo and Revan, two crewmembers who had just entered the hallway, could speak with her. Moments after killing the Sith, the Spire took damage from the ongoing battle and the the wall she stood beside exploded. As Lee caught, Trask and Ulgo already have context. Also, you state the events of her death twice for some reason. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:01, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **I got rid of the first context, it doesn't really have to do with her. As for the latter part, I did that because the sentence would run-on otherwise. The first sentence says she died, the second says how. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:07, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ***This stands, again due to chronology. If you're going to state her death and the reason for it, please do it in one sentence. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:33, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Alright. Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) *****Now the sentence is too long. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:42, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Jenn

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:02, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: She probably should have been afraid of the Dreighton Triangle.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Clean. Nice work. --Imperialles 20:10, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:21, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) If you all don't start making some mistakes or typos or anything, I won't be able to object your noms! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:38, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) You definetely don't like that link.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:48, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:08, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Unidentified Death Watch saboteur

 * Nominated by:  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:56, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Short and

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 22:33, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd has a few
 * 2) * Why did the CIS want to sabotage the cruiser? Clarify.
 * 3) **Added that the CIS was in war with the Republic, but we don't know anything else.
 * 4) * You say they performed a background check on this Mandalorian; any info on the results?
 * 5) **Added a little bit.
 * 6) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 23:37, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:31, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) Soresu has 2 <--Rhyme (Plus Makashi is 2)
 * 9) *Should the appearance have a (appears in hologram) note?
 * 10) **Yep, added.
 * 11) *After the sabotage. This seems to indicate that the sabotage mission was successful. If info on the mission's success is available, it should be mentioned earlier. If it was unsuccessful or we don't know, it would be safer to put "attempted sabotage". SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:11, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) **Added "attempted". Thank you for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:31, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) "Died: c. 22 BBY,[1][2]" Is there supposed to be the place where he died after the references? Otherwise remove the comma. --  1358  (Talk) 13:44, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *There was some unverified information (not from me in there) which I removed and forgot the comma. Removed it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:08, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Aalagar

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 21:22, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Bith subspecies

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Very clean. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:04, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Jep.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:42, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 22:36, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Farl, just one
 * 2) *"Lumiya made contact with Solo shortly after this," <- You also mean she made contact with him because of that? Otherwise it would not be relevant for the article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:22, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Fnnbu

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:59, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yup.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Farl has been waiting for this one
 * 2) *Intro: "However" used twice in a row in the intro. The first time I don't understand why it's used: The pirates reach Ambria and Thon refuses to fight them, what's the "however" there?
 * 3) **Changed the first one.
 * 4) *Bio: Was Fnnbu a member of Stonebone's crew? You say so but, if so, shouldn't you mention any implication Fnnbu might have had in the ambush to Grunta's ore hauler? At least, you should mention that, chronologically, Fnnbu and the rest of Steonbone's crew raided the hauler, were captured by Bogga, were blackmailed to go to Ambria, and then went to Ambria.
 * 5) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:30, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) **Yes he was, but I refrained from mentioning if he took part in the raid on the ore hauler. It is never stated that he was there, and he is never seen while the raid happens. I didn't want to assume anything.

Comments

Sander Delvardus

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:00, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The best of the Darksaber warlords.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) "He was very confident in himself, and despite being outmanned and outgunned by the New Republic, believed that he would be able to defeat the New Republic." Maybe reword one of those New Republics. --Imperialles 22:16, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments