Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Raid on Ziro's Palace


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Raid on Ziro's Palace

 * Nominated by:  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 18:51, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Figured I'd get my feet wet

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 23:10, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Well done. I was just watching TCW for the first time yesterday. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:19, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:26, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:44, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Take it to FAN! Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:09, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A look from the clone
 * 2) *Looks like your first GAN is going well. A few (well...not really) Some things to check:
 * 3) * The Clone Wars isn't mentioned at all in the description, despite the fact that the raid took place during the conflict. The Republic should also be mentioned, as it was a participant.
 * 4) **How's it look now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * I would recommend placing context for every time you first mention something. It doesn't have to go down to the minor things, such as the blaster rifle Amidala used, but Count Dooku should be mentioned as either a Sith Lord or Head of State of the Confederacy, and so on.
 * 6) **Done.  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Can the Prelude section be expanded? What were the circumstances for Dooku's deception? It can also be mentioned here (instead of in the aftermath section) that the Jedi were trying to gain safe passage through Hutt Space as well, since the Republic's pursuit of a treaty with the Hutts is mentioned but not explained.
 * 8) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Can more corresponding quotes be found and used?
 * 10) **I had planned on it, but didn't have my copy of the film to put in my laptop at work. Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * Even with the appearances section, the Bts can mention where the raid appeared.
 * 12) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * A sentence or two can be added to the "Storming the palace" section, saying that Ziro believed that Amidala was too "dangerous" to be kept alive. (I wouldn't recommend using it as a quote, because it doesn't detail the events of the raid itself.)
 * 14) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * You might want to consider saying that Ziro later escaped with assistance from Cad Bane. It's not completely necessary, but as the two events are related (as Ziro's capture led him to employ Bane to break him out of prison), it would make sense to mention it in one or two sentences.
 * 16) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *&mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:43, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the suggestions. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:45, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Grunny's first look:
 * 20) * This is a conjecturally-titled article, so the title of the article should not appear at the start of the article or anywhere else.
 * 21) **Mind if I ask what difference that makes? I haven't found anything that says that's against the MOS or Layout Guide. I've changed it for now, but frankly, I don't think it makes the introduction look more professional. I mean that's what the conjecture tag is for after all. My preference would be to put it back the way it was. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***No worries, its under WP:ATT. In FA/GAs we need to be able to trace all the information back to a source, and by giving the bolded and capitalized "Raid on Ziro's Palace was a conflict" in the article's intro you are giving it a title that has no source. You will see examples of the same thing on a number of similar FAs. I've reworded it a little, see what you think of it, and change as you see fit :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ****I got ya now. That looks good. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 15:26, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Intro - Dooku needs context as the leader of the Separatists.
 * 25) **Done -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Intro - For clarity try to work it so the Republic and Separatists are linked as the major combatants in the Clone Wars.
 * 27) **I tried rewording a few different ways, and it just sounded bad. I can't see how I'm gonna do that. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *** You could do something with the last sentence similar to how you have in the bio, something like: "It also allowed the forging of an agreement between the Republic and Hutt clan allowing Republic forces safe passage through Hutt Space, giving them access to the Outer Rim Territories, which had been cut off by the Separatists." But I'll leave that up to you. This way it is clearer that the Separatists are the Republic's adversaries.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ****That just seems repetitive to my thinking. But I just need to wrap my head around the fact that it's an intro, so info can be duplicated in the article proper. This one is fixed now. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 15:26, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * You need to mention that it took place during the Clone Wars in the article body.
 * 31) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * While adding in the Clone Wars, try to link the Republic and the Separatists as the major participants in some way.
 * 33) **Did this the best I could in the Prelude section, first paragraph. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***That's good :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Over/Underlinking: Check to see if you link everything once in the intro and once in the article body. I got a few but best if you take another look :).
 * 36) **I'm not catching anything that's missing or overly linked. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***I think I got the last couple :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Good work for your first nom :D.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:58, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 41) * A more specific location is needed in the infobox.
 * 42) **Duh. As many times as I've been over this article, I can't believe I didn't do this. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * Threepio is the one who calls the troops, right? Then he should be mentioned in the intro.
 * 44) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "The raid saw the successful rescue of Senator Amidala and the capture of Ziro, and was directly responsible for saving the lives of Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan Ahsoka Tano." - how did the raid save Anakin's and Ahsoka's lives, and why were they in danger in the first place?
 * 46) **I just removed that bit, it wasn't relevant enough to warrant inclusion in the intro. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * First paragraph of Prelude is not sourced.
 * 48) **Once again, don't know how I missed that. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "From her cell, Amidala was able to trick her captors into activating her comlink, allowing her to inform her protocol droid, C-3PO, that she was being held captive and where." - where what?
 * 50) **This seems self-evident to me, but it should be over-abundantly clear to anyone now. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "...which would allow Republic forces free and safe passage through Hutt Space, providing them desperately access to the Outer Rim Territories." - desperately what?
 * 52) **Wow, you're showing me a lot of "duh" moments :p -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ***Just doing my job. ;) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:37, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "This would make the most sense, as their separate arrival in an official Republic vehicle would have alerted Ziro's security." - reads like OR to me. Probably best to remove it.
 * 55) **Gone. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *Not bad. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:45, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) **Thanks. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:00, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *Okay, just three more minor things:
 * 59) ** Threepio needs context in the intro.
 * 60) ** "After C-3PO informed them of Senator Amidala's incarceration at Ziro the Hutt's palace, a team of Coruscant Guards, led by Commander Fox, stormed the palace and engaged Ziro's droid security forces. The primary objective of the raid was to rescue Senator Padmé Amidala from the crime lord's palace after she had been captured and detained for discovering Ziro's affiliation with Count Dooku, leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems." - you mention Amidala's incarceration, but then you give the details in the next sentence. These could probably be merged into one sentence.
 * 61) ** "Treaty between the Republic and Hutt clan" needs a ref in the infobox. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:37, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ***Does that read better now? I only split it into two sentences because it's now one really long sentence. But since it's not a run-on sentence, I guess that's alright. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:46, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) ***OK, got the missing reference too. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:58, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) **** Still, you should mention the details of her incarceration when you first mention it, not the second time. That objection wasn't as much about combining the sentences as it was removing the redundant second mention of her captivity. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:02, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) *****I gotcha. I'm working off of about 3 hours of sleep over the last 36 hours, so I'm a little slow today. Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) Toprawa:
 * 67) * Intro objections:
 * 68) ** I feel like a little bit more could be tacked onto the end of this sentence for context. I almost want to add in "deceived him concerning...," but I'll let you figure out what to put there. "who had been ignoring communications from the Republic during this time due to his mistaken belief that the Republic had deceived him."
 * 69) ** Also, I feel this could be specified a bit more, as to how the contact permitted the forging of this treaty. Did Padme explain to Jabba during the communication that the Republic was not out to get him, thus calming his fears, etc? "This contact permitted the forging..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:10, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ***I understand what you're talking about. I am way to exhausted to tackle that right now, and if I tried, I'm fairly certain it would come out gibberish. 8) I'll tackle this tomorrow. Take a look back when you come in tomorrow and I should have these objections addressed. Thanks for the review, Toprawa. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 04:16, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ****Whenever's good for you, though I should forewarn you that I only looked at the intro so far, so other objections may be incoming. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:19, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *****OK, these objections have been addressed. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 12:31, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ******As part of my copy-edit, I made the following edit, please make sure the "seized" part is accurate. If not, feel free to change: "and had her seized and escorted out of the palace"
 * 74) * Nothing from the TCW Campaign Guide? Even a mention would be Source-list worthy. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:49, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **I've got a PDF version of the book, and I can't find any mention of it in there. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 20:55, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) **Just double checked, and Ziro is mentioned, but nothing about this raid or the kidnapping of his nephew. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 21:19, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) * Upon first mention Jabba is Ziro's "nephew," but in the next section about the actual raid, he's Ziro's "grandnephew." Can we pick one and stick with it, whichever is most correct? Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:35, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) **Jabba is his nephew. Jabba's son, Rotta, is his grandnephew. I put that in for clarity. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:45, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ***Oh yeah, I gotcha. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * I think it would be best to remove the last paragraph of the BTS and instead incorporate it into the last paragraph of the "Aftermath" section. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:39, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm not sure if we already have one, but if not, you may want to consider making a page for "Ziro's palace" itself.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 22:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Ziro's Palace. :) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 22:22, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but if the article is conjecturally titled, I believe that only the word that most describes the article (such as "raid", in this case) needs to be bolded, and everything else should be reworded.  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I think it's OK as it is. Grunny, a member of the AC, is the one who worded it that way and bolded it as it currently stands, so it must be fine. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:46, 21 April 2009 (UTC)