Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Francis


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Francis the pink Wookiee

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 01:58, 29 April 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Yeah, a pink Wookiee, do I have to say anything else.

(3 ACs/5 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 22:54, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Cute. Nice to see an article for an Easter-egg-type character that isn't full of fanon for a change.  Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 06:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Cylka  -talk- 03:26, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Noice.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 19:58, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) What's next?Purple Wampas or striped Twi'leks? QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:06, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) The Grand Master Speaks
 * 2) * "During his time in the rebellion", should be worded more clearly, such as "during his time fighting in the rebellion", or something along those lines. Not a big deal&mdash;it could just be a little smoother.
 * 3) **I changed it to tenure because I had already used fought in the same sentence, and it might sound awkward to put fighting in there.
 * 4) * "Francis, a male Wookiee bounty hunter, joined Renegade Squadron during the Galactic Civil War, the war between the Galactic Empire and the Alliance to Restore the Republic, sometime between 0 BBY and 4 ABY." This is long and dragging; reword it or break it up with dashes so it can flow better.
 * 5) * There are multiple times throught the article where you use the phrase; the Alliances'. The possessive of "Alliance" is Alliance's, not Alliances'. Be sure to fix these.
 * 6) * "He was given the nickname" "He" should be changed to "Francis" to avoid confusion, as you were just talking about two other "he"s.
 * 7) * Why Renegade squadron was disbanded could use a little context.
 * 8) * Is anything known about what happened to Francis after the squadron was disbanded?
 * 9) **Sorry, no.
 * 10) * "During his tenure with Renegade Squadron, Francis used a DL-44 heavy blaster pistol to fight with." This is awkward and bad grammar. "Fight with" should be removed or reworded.
 * 11) * Is it known exactly what type of X-wing Francis flew? If so, include the type.
 * 12) * "Francis can be a playable character" "Playable character" is a little awkward, try to use a word other than "playable" there, or reword part of the section.
 * 13) * "Francis the pink Wookiee was imagined up by Jeff Pena," Same thing here with "imagined up". In this case, a word along the lines of "created" would be preferred.
 * 14) *Not bad for an article about a pink Wookiee. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 21:35, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **OK, I addressed your objection, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 22:39, 29 April 09 (UTC)
 * 16) Attack of the Clone
 * 17) * In both the intro and the body, why, specifically, was Renegade Squadron new?
 * 18) **I got a bit in the intro in, but what else were you looking for? Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *** It sounded like mentioning "new" just on passing wasn't really appropriate; perhaps "recently created" or something of the like. I wasn't really asking for more context, just to clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 06:34, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ****Better? Graestan ( Talk ) 06:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *****Looks fine.  CC7567  (talk) 06:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "During" is used twice in the intro; please use word variety.
 * 23) **Addressed. Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "In the video game Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron, Francis can be a playable character through the game's character personalization feature." Please change "can be"; it's rather unclear.
 * 25) **Tell me how it looks. Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Unfortunately, after the copyedit I just gave the article, it now stands at 244 words. Please expand if you can.  CC7567  (talk) 06:16, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **I expanded it with my own copyedit. ;) Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) Was it really stated somewhere that he is non-canon? I would use Easteregg instead.  QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *I guess you were right, I addressed it. Kilson Likes PIE 21:19, 5 May 09 (UTC)