Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Conclave on Deneba


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was sucessful. Please do not modify it.

(+5)
Support
 * 1) I worked really hard on this. Don't be too brutal. —Tommy9281 ( Surely you can do better! ) 22:28, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20:50, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 22:56, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:12, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) After a cleanup, it passes.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:35, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From Greyman:
 * 2) * I'm glad that you've got how the use references down pat, but you don't need to necessarily use double references for everything like you've done. If the information is the same in both sources, just pick one appearance/source to use instead of over-referencing.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * From looking at it, I get the feeling that large parts of the article is essentially written as a play-by-play. If you can tap someone who is good with copy-editing, that might help.
 * 5) **Addressed&mdash;I think. I'll talk to you about this part in the IRC.
 * 6) * Along the same lines as the above objection, a copy-edit would really help out. Words that I'm not even sure about, such as "psionically" can be found scattered throughout the article. Likewise, it's generally considered bad-prose to start sentences with "Because". Another thing that sticks out to me are sentences such as, "The battle was over. Many, many Jedi perished in the skirmish, but all of the droids were destroyed." Like I said, you might want to get a good copy-editor to read through the article for you, if you're not sure what to fix.
 * 7) **Addressed&mdash;Still awaiting a good copy-edit, but everything was rectified according to the objection.
 * 8) * A large part of the article is actually about the Battle of Deneba, which we have an article on already. This article should be about the Conclave on Deneba (which you've managed to cover in a good amount of detail/length). However, the Battle of Deneba should only be a paragraph or two at the most, basically explaining that it interrupted the conclave, and therefore helped force Ulic to go through with his proposed plan. Consequently, you shouldn't go into a great amount of detail about the actual battle itself. Instead, you might want to think about using at the beginning of that particular section, so that readers will be directed to the actual article concerning that battle.
 * 9) **Addressed&mdash;I removed the bulk of the Battle section, & added the tag.
 * 10) * To me, there are just too many pictures scattered throughout the article&mdash;enough so that they interfere with the article's layout. For example, in the "Background" section, you have used three pictures, with two literally on top each other. Once you condense the sections on the Battle of Deneba to what I've mentioned above, you'll probably find that you will have even more of a surplus of pictures as well.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * In the infobox, you need to list the location as Mount Meru; Deneba.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * Likewise, in the infobox, the outcome of the Conclave on Deneba was not the death of Arca Jeth&mdash;his death was one of the outcomes of the Battle of Deneba.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * The outcome field in the infobox should state what was decided by the Jedi assembly at the conclave. You could even say something along the lines of, "Ulic Qel-Droma sent to infiltrate the Krath", as an example.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * Infobox again: in the Participants section you list Vima Sunrider, but then in parentheses you say (Not a participant). She needs to be removed from that list, in my opinion, since she didn't actually take part in the conclave&mdash;she was simply there, as a small child, because her mother was involved with the conclave. Likewise, you need to make mention that there were "thousands of other Jedi present" or something, since it is known that that several thousand congregated on Mount Meru.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * Infobox: In the "Affiliations involved" section, I would suggest removing the "Entire" comment, since I don't believe that any appearance or source states for a fact if the "Entire Jedi Order" was present. Simply stating in that field the "Jedi Order" will be enough.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Once a copy-edit can be preformed, I'll give it another read through :) Keep up the good work, Tommy, and I hope that these (and other comments/objections from others) will/have helped you along the way :) Cheers, Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 01:35, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Copy-edited. 19:23, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) From Jorrel Fraajic
 * 25) * You list Shayoto as a notable participant, but he is given only a brief mention in the article itself. Maybe some more on what he said, etc?
 * 26) **Addressed&mdash;Actually, though Shayoto's role was significant, he really didn't say much, and whatever he said I covered so as to be thorough.
 * 27) ***Alright, cool. I haven't read the comic (or any TOTJ for that matter), so I had no idea. Thanks for taking care of it.
 * 28) * Any chance you could expand the intro, if only by a couple more sentences? It just looks very, very short in comparison to the available information.
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) ***Good work. Added a sentence about Ulic's affairs after the conclave's termination.
 * That's all I can see. Good read. 19:23, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Taken care of. 20:50, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks Greyman. I've gone through & fixed everything you cited, now I'm just waiting for the copy-editor... —Tommy9281 ( Lússë i Morë Hwesta súya! ) 23:30, 18 April 2008 (UTC)


 * Any particular reason you're not taking this to FA? I mean, it seems pretty in-depth, and is formatted and referenced and long enough to qualify (at least at a cursory glance) - plus, even with my lack of knowledge of all things TOTJ, everything is presented in such a way that it all makes sense, even if you have no idea what exactly may have gone on, which is a testament to the amount of backstory you have in there. 19:23, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * FA is in the works, just taking baby steps first. Thanks a lot Jorrel for looking. —Tommy9281 ( Lússë i Morë Hwesta súya! ) 20:25, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Sure thing. 20:50, 22 April 2008 (UTC)