Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Restoration Zone (second nomination)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nominated.--Goodwood 12:28, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) supergeeky1 [[Image:BobaFett.jpg|20px]] The Cantina 01:03, 2 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 12:29, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 4)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:11, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( This party's over ) 23:55, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 6) Hobbes15 ( Tiger Headquarters ) 14:13, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 7)  Greyman ( Paratus ) 16:08, 8 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 8) Imperialles 20:29, 8 October 2007 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Doesn't mention the Prima guide as a source. &mdash;Jaymach Ral'Tir (talk) 12:56, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed.--Goodwood 17:28, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) I fail to see how "Restoration Zone" is a term. It's a name in the same way that "Luke Skywalker" is not a term for some Human that came from Tatooine. &mdash;Jaymach Ral'Tir (talk) 12:56, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 4) *Addressed. It is indeed a term used within the context of the game. I have placed a footnote in the introduction that leads to proof as such.--Goodwood 17:28, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 5) A few things:
 * 6) * Tense: "A shield wall divides RZ-0031 from the unrestored surface."
 * 7) *Why is there a quote in the prose of the "Intervention" section?
 * 8) *The image of Kreia seems squeezed in there. Remove it, it's small and ugly.
 * --Imperialles 17:07, 2 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) From the battered desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Game mechanics tag needed.
 * 3) *Expansion of dark-side Exile's actions needed in BTS
 * 4) *Intro is rather short.
 * 5) *Why does the abandoned military base have its own section in "Region" when it is a part of RZ-3001?
 * 6) *Mention snowy terrain, etc. of polar region in the Terrain section please.
 * 7) *Massive run-on sentence in the Inhabitants section. Much to learn have you, but begun the Clone Wars have because of the shroud of the darkside; not more powerful is it, but faster, easier and consume you it will for once have you started upon the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny, which agree with you taking young Skywalker as an apprentice I do not. Etc. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:01, 3 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 8) **Ha ha, it is to laugh. Fixed.--Goodwood 22:21, 3 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 9) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:50, 2 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 10) *From the park bench of Four Dot:
 * 11) ** "Each Restoration Zone was surrounded by giant shield walls that honeycombed the surface of Telos that was being restored, forming self-contained sections that contained a wide variety of terrain as well as assorted species of flora and fauna that had been imported from across space." - First, that's all on its lonesome, which looks a bit untidy, and second, it's just a little messy. I think there might be a better way to phrase it.
 * 12) ***Fixed.--Goodwood 12:24, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 13) ** "While slicing into the shield network in order to locate the Ebon Hawk, Bao-Dur found that a much older shuttle was still to be found inside the nearby underground base; the Exile and her companions proceeded to enter the not-so-inactive base, fighting against even more droids all the while, in order to secure the shuttle, restore power to the facility to open the massive hangar bay doors, and get the activation codes in order to actually use the small vessel; even then, a huge tank droid attempted to stop them." - Mother of mercy...is this the end of full stops? :P
 * 14) ***Fixed. Sometimes I do get carried away...heh.--Goodwood 12:24, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 15) ** I'd like to see Inhabitants section come before the Locations section, if only for consitency.
 * 16) ***Done.--Goodwood 12:24, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 17) **Apart from that, good stuff. Thefourdotelipsis 08:55, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 18) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 19) * "Under their careful management, the zones prospered at first, however, once Czerka Corporation began to take over various sections through a combination of legal maneuvering and outright thuggery, they began to fall under mismanagement and disrepair."&mdash;reword or repunctuate in order to clarify.
 * 20) * Change "thanks to" to "due to" or other; POV.
 * 21) * I really dislike headers followed by lesser headers without anything, like a short paragraph of summary, or a quote, between them.
 * 22) ** You need to do this again under "Locations."
 * 23) * More quotes, please. Game dialogue has a wealth of relevant ones. Actually, a relevant quote could fix the previous point, also.
 * 24) * The phrase "its devastation via orbital bombardment" strikes me as less formal a tone than I typically prefer for FAs; please reword.
 * 25) * More commas would be appreciated; while you and I have no trouble reading this, others might, and separating ideas in sentences would help.
 * 26) * I think the Telos Polar Irrigation System deserves a short article with at least one picture, linked to this article.
 * 27) * This sentence: "It was here that the Ebon Hawk had been taken by Brianna, one of Atris's Handmaiden Sisters."&mdash;reword, specify; this can be misconstrued otherwise.
 * 28) * BtS&mdash;"first seen" can be dropped, as it's the only appearance.
 * 29) * Final sentence of the article is ponderously long; break it up.
 * 30) *&mdash; Graestan [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( This party's over ) 15:09, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 31) A couple of minor things:
 * 32) *What happens to the Exile after she's shot down over the Polar Irrigation System? It just says she's shot down again, and then goes to Traya's prophecy.
 * 33) **I added as much as I thought prudent before the prose began to diverge from the topic at hand (which is to say, the conversation with Atris and retrieving the Ebon Hawk). Hopefully this is satisfactory.
 * 34) ***It's perfect. I just didn't think it was appropriate to have the Exile shot down over the Polar Irrigation System, and then forget about her entirely and go to Traya's prophecy. Hobbes15 ( Tiger Headquarters ) 14:13, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 35) * No reference for Polar Irrigation System.
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) * Does the end of the BTS's first statement need a reference? I'm not sure it comes from KOTORII.
 * 38) **I referenced it with a link to the website of Obsidian Entertainment, the developers of KOTOR II.
 * 39) *That's all I've got. Interesting type of nom, to say the least. Good job. Hobbes15 ( Tiger Headquarters ) 04:53, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 40) **Thank you, I hope I've been able to address your concerns satisfactorily.--Goodwood 06:22, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 21:57, 8 October 2007 (UTC)
 * An original construction of mine that's been a GA for some time, now it's ready for FA...IMHO, at least.--Goodwood 12:28, 1 October 2007 (UTC)