Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Gilad Pellaeon (redux review)

Gilad Pellaeon (redux review)

 * Redux comments: Reduxed per Meeting 46 for the recent updates from Choices of One and Crisis of Faith.
 * Date added: December 1, 2011
 * Changes since last review: diff

Jujiggum

 * Also needs an update for Crimson Empire III: Empire Lost 2 (which has been out since last Nov). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 16:43, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
 * got the updates for CEIII 1-5, though now it needs an update for the EGW, which is going to be a bit confusing to work around the existing Endor material and, oddly enough, CEIII. I think we may want to wait for CEIII #6 before doing the EGW update, or at least the New Republic era part of the EGW update. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 15:45, April 16, 2012 (UTC)

Pelly

 * I see some 2007-era speculation lingering throughout the article: "In the chaos, the rest of the fleet may not even have known that Pellaeon's commander was killed;" "he may well have spent the last months of the war serving in the siege of Saleucami, in which a clone Morgukai army was destroyed;" "He also may have fathered Vitor Reige with another woman;" "Pellaeon's inclusion in the task force there seems to present the best explanation of Pellaeon's memories."
 * The sourcing. Sticking multiple sources at the end of a paragraph instead of individually sourcing sentences is not just confusing, it's contrary to policy: "For articles with more than one source, start out as general as you can with the reference tags. For example, if an entire paragraph is from one and only one source, tag the end of the paragraph. However, if there is more than one source, then reference specific sentences as necessary. Finally, if that is not enough, tag individual words as necessary, as a last resort." There are multiple cases of two or three references being thrown at the end of a paragraph, leaving it unclear what information comes from where; the first paragraph of "Disaster at Endor" has seven references stuck unceremoniously at the end.
 * The BTS could use some more organization. There are two different notes regarding confusion over his age, but instead of being paired together, they're three paragraphs apart from each other.
 * Looks like it still needs a Warfare update. Menkooroo (talk) 19:22, July 30, 2012 (UTC)
 * The succession boxes need (sourced) beforeyears and afteryears fields added and filled in.
 * A bunch of two-speaker quotes need Quote rather than Dialogue.
 * Intro is lacking context in some places and could probably use some overall expansion.
 * Linking is pretty bad throughout; a quick check reveals that basic ones like planet, moon, deflector shield, Corellian, officer, and Human are missing. Various battles are unlinked, too.
 * Found some more speculation: "all of which would remain serving as a concerted task force six years later, suggesting all were assigned to operate together;" "Pellaeon would later look on these years under Palpatine's Empire without fondness, though there was little evidence of overt discontent; certainly not enough for Pellaeon to have defected."
 * The final paragraph of "Ruler of the Imperial Remnant" is missing some details. It doesn't actually state that Pellaeon won the Battle of Gravlex Med, which is very important information. Some more context is needed on the Almanian Uprising, too. Menkooroo (talk) 03:55, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
 * "Notes and references" is missing a lot of templates, most notably the CCG one. "Star Wars Customizable Card Game: Death Star II Limited" is vaguely referenced.
 * Some info missing in "Unexpected loss" --- "Palpatine was eventually defeated, and the Empire passed into the hands of Carnor Jax, then Xandel Carivus." There are a few rulers in between the two. They don't necessarily need to be mentioned, but some rewording is in order so that the article doesn't imply a transfer of power from Jax to Carivus. Menkooroo (talk) 04:13, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
 * The article body never states that he's Human; only the infobox and categories do.
 * Hair, eye, and skin colour could be mentioned somewhere outside the infobox. Infobox should mention that his hair went grey with age.
 * The first paragraph of the BTS is a bit ungainly. I'm not sure if it's necessary to note every single author who's ever written Pellaeon and then stick a stack of nine refs at the end. It's not up-to-date, either, with the release of Crimson Empire III.
 * More speculation: "Pellaeon had served alongside Jedi during the Clone Wars, perhaps giving him some measure of respect for the Jedi Order."
 * More linking issues. "Yuuzhan Vong War" isn't linked until halfway through the next war; "Battle of Esfandia" not until it's mentioned in recollection thirteen years later.
 * Pellaeon's youthful ambitions to search for Outbound Flight should probably be mentioned during his youth, rather than first brought up decades later. Menkooroo (talk) 19:06, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * "Incident at Poln" covers Choices of One and shouldn't be quoteless. "Later Imperial service" should get a quote from Galaxies and should lose the OOU-based speculation: "In 1 ABY, the Chimaera had a stopover at Corellia for unknown reasons;" "Precisely why Pellaeon was assigned these administrative duties is unclear."
 * First mention of Han Solo, Chewbacca, and the Millennium Falcon has no context and assumes OOU knowledge of the characters and their ship. Ditto the first mention of Luke and Leia. Also Ackbar.
 * "Ruler of the Imperial Remnant" mentions that the Restored Empire attacks Orinda but doesn't reveal what the outcome of the battle is. Menkooroo (talk) 15:56, August 5, 2012 (UTC)
 * For years, I thought that the bacta tank image was specifically a picture of Pellaeon in the bacta tank. A different image or a rewording of the image caption could help clear up this confusion.
 * "After the initial rush of enthusiasm, Pellaeon had a hard time getting used to the idea of an alien officer; whether because of speciesism or the simple novelty of such a thing under the Empire is unclear. Blegh. Menkooroo (talk) 16:10, August 5, 2012 (UTC)
 * I think the "Legacy" section could use some slight expansion --- the end of the war could be detailed a bit more with an explicit mention of the Jedi Coalition. There's also a scene in Apocalypse where Vitor Reige is reluctant to trust Jag Fel because Fel's using Pellaeon's murderer as a new bodyguard/Emperor's Hand. Menkooroo (talk) 16:12, August 6, 2012 (UTC)