User:Lonnyd/Kyle

Kyle Katarn Facts

 * Guns don't kill people. Kyle Katarn kills People.
 * There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Kyle Katarn allows to live.
 * Kyle Katarn does not sleep. He waits.
 * The chief export of Kyle Katarn is Pain.
 * There is no chin under Kyle Katarn' Beard. There is only another fist.
 * Kyle Katarn has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
 * The leading causes of death in the New Republic are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Kyle Katarn 3. Cancer
 * Kyle Katarn drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
 * Kyle Katarn doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
 * When Kyle Katarn calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
 * Kyle Katarn once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
 * Some people like to eat nuna's legs. Kyle Katarn likes to eat krayt dragon legs. Hence, rancors.
 * There are no species, only planets of people Kyle Katarn has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
 * When Kyle Katarn was denied some blue milk at Dex's because it was 10:35, he force pushed the store so hard it became a Watto's.
 * Kyle Katarn can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
 * A Kyle Katarn-delivered force push is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
 * When Kyle Katarn falls in water, Kyle Katarn doesn't get wet. Water gets Kyle Katarn.
 * Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1KKFP (Kyle Katarn Force Push)
 * Kyle Katarn’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
 * When Kyle Katarn has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
 * Kyle Katarn doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
 * Kyle Katarn CAN believe it's not butter.
 * If tapped, a Kyle Katarn force push could power the planet of Nar Shaddaa for 44 minutes.
 * Kyle Katarn can divide by zero.
 * The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Kyle Katarn has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
 * A picture is worth a thousand words. A Kyle Katarn is worth 1 billion words.
 * While urinating, Kyle Katarn is easily capable of welding durasteel.
 * When Kyle Katarn talks, everybody listens. And dies.
 * When Kyp Durron kills a Vong, he only takes its hide. When Kyle Katarn kills a Vong, he uses every part.
 * Lando Calrissian claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Kyle Katarn calls this "a slow Tuesday."
 * Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Kyle Katarn to go around.
 * Kyle Katarn doesnt shave; he lightsabers himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Kyle Katarn is Kyle Katarn's lightsaber.
 * For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Kyle Katarn, each testicle is larger than the other one.
 * Kyle Katarn invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Jaden Korr invented pink.
 * On his birthday, Kyle Katarn randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
 * Kyle Katarn doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
 * In the beginning there was nothing...then Kyle Katarn force pusched that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
 * Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is Coruscant.
 * Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
 * Archeologists uncovered an Old Correlian dictionary dating back to the year 22,500 BBY. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Kyle Katarn"
 * Kyle Katarn and Lando Calrissian walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
 * If you holosearch "Kyle Katarn getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
 * Kyle Katarn can drink an entire gallon of blue milk in thirty-seven seconds.
 * Little known medical fact: Kyle Katarn invented the Caesarean section when he force pushed his way out of his monther's womb.
 * Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for sentient life... unless it gets in his way.
 * The Rishi Maze used to be the Rishi Trade Route, until Kyle Katarn force pushed of the corners off.
 * There are no weapons of mass destruction on Nelvaan, Kyle Katarn lives on Sulon.
 * Kyle Katarn doesn't believe in Alderaan.
 * When Kyle Katarn is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
 * Kyle Katarn once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
 * Thousands of years ago Kyle Katarn came across a rancor. It was so terrified that it fled. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hides.
 * It takes 14 puppeteers to make Kyle Katarn smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.