Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Vengnar Heiff


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(+5)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 03:35, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) This is a good read. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 13:17, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:05, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --Eyrezer 11:50, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:51, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Object As an article about someone who engages in the act by which I myself am presently working on an article about, I will be naturally inclined to support this after...
 * 1) The year is 1981...
 * In the opening paragraph, you introduce Vengnar Heiff, but you do not explain what he is species-wise. I believed he was human until the end where you state, "A reptilian lizard-man hailing from an icy planet, he was cold-blooded, and able to use a heightened sense of smell to detect his prey. His claws were considered gargantuan, likely grown for his particular profession". I would incorporate something about his species/appearance into the opening to avoid misleading one to believe he is human or something other than what you later describe.
 * Added.
 * Again in the opening paragraph you say, "He was alternatively despised, feared, and respected by the upper echelons of the Imperial military, though there was a general perception that he was a butcher." I would reword this to read a little better.
 * Do you have anything in mind?
 * In the second paragraph of the opening, you say, "Heiff was called to the Tafanda Bay on Ithor, to extract information from a group of Ithorian technicians pertaining to the operation of the mammoth herdship.". I would reword it so that one knows that the Tafanda Bay is the mammoth herdship you are talking about.
 * Fixed.
 * I'm sure there is at least one more quote that can be found.
 * They're largely weak quotes. The two I picked are the only ones of any real significance. The rest were pedestrian fare.
 * In the first sentence of the first paragraph of The Ithor uprising, you say, "Despite being amongst arbiters of massacres and the like...". Maybe it's just me, but that is a little confusing. Who are the arbiters? What massacres?
 * That's explained in the last half of the sentence: "entities in the entire Galactic Empire."
 * Also, if The Ithor Uprising is not an actual event named as such, then "uprising" in the heading should be lower case.
 * Mah mistake. Fixed.
 * In the personality & traits section, you say, "He was described as a butcher by some, and was both disdained and feared by the Imperial community.". I would reword, to say something like, "He was described as a butcher by some, being both feared and looked upon with disdain by the Imperial community."
 * That's good. Changed.
 * I would do away with the attire & appearance section, and combine it with the personality & traits section, as most of the info in the former can be seamlessly incorporated into the latter.
 * Well, it's not really a part of his personality or his traits. It's an unusual section, but only because he's an unseen unidentified alien, and the description is the only thing to go on.
 * For an individual who was a Master Torturer, you never pipelink torture.
 * Done. ;) Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 01:35, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the 72-inch screen of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "Prior to his arrival, a group of Rebels had landed on Ithor, claiming to have been ferrying Heiff himself. The Torturer was not concerned however, and got about his work." This doesn't make a great deal of sense to me. The first sentence seems to not fit with the rest of the paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:27, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Well, there had been people there in hours prior, but he was unfazed...do you have any suggestions as to making that clearer? Thefourdotelipsis 06:53, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *** These two sentences just seem somewhat unconnected with the rest of the paragraph. I guess it's assumed Heiff knew about the Rebels though. If that's the case, maybe a few words such "Heiff was aware of these claims however..." would work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:55, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Good idea. Tweaked a tad, let us know if it needs more retooling. Thefourdotelipsis 07:32, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa:
 * 7) * Your transition here kind of jumps from the Rebel being attacked by claws to suddenly releasing prisoners. Please smooth over a bit: "The struggling Rebel then desperately released all the Ithorian prisoners"
 * 8) **Added a bit of a transition there.
 * 9) * Does "Missions" present this possibility, or is this just assumption? "likely grown for his particular profession." Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:58, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Inferred, but I suppose it's better to be safe than sorry here. Changed. Thefourdotelipsis 06:23, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Nice, just what I was looking for. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:51, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Otherwise, this is a cool article about a cool character. I'm a shoe-in for a torture-based vote anyday. —Tommy9281 ( Lússë i Morë Hwesta súya! ) 13:55, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure which cat he should be in so atm I've placed him in Category:Imperials. --Eyrezer 11:50, 2 May 2008 (UTC)