Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Mag


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mag

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 22:57, 25 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I didn't put a P&T in because there really isn't that much information, and CC agrees.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink  22:36, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Per IRC review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:01, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 00:14, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:02, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --Clone Commander Lee 18:18, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Cylka  -talk- 06:09, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "Assigned to field-test an assortment of subzero gear, the squad was met with many problems. One of which was an elusive and deadly species that Mag's squad encountered, which they nicknamed the "ice men"." Choppy, and it makes it sound as though testing the gear and the Talz were connected; I don't believe they were.
 * 3) **How about now?
 * 4) * There's a bit too much flurry between the fall of Glid Station and what Skywalker and Kenobi's mission found. It needs to be stated (when it happened) that Glid Station was caught in the middle of the conflict. I would suggest trying to deduce how.
 * 5) **Added a little to the end, but honestly, there really isn't that much context on what /exactly/ happened.
 * 6) ***It appears that after Shiv and Mag were killed, the base was caught between the droid-Talz conflict, because the base was still apparently intact when Shiv and Mag were killed. The article is focusing more on the Jedi's mission and the analysis of the events than what actually happened, and it makes it sound as if all of it is speculation. Even if the exact situation isn't known, it's best to get it as close to it as possible. I would try to state what happened and then say that the Jedi discovered it, if need be.  CC7567  (talk) 23:30, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Not really sure what you want me to say exactly. That was pretty much what I was saying before. I put some more stuff in there, how about now? Kilson Likes PIE 1:32, 28 May 09 (UTC)
 * 8) *****It needs to be stated from a more neutral perspective rather than that it was discovered by the Jedi, i.e. "The base had been caught in the Talz-droid conflict, and the Jedi later discovered this on their mission". (That's not the wording that should be used; I'm only using it to give you the idea.)  CC7567  (talk) 05:03, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *I'll scrutinize the article a bit more later, but I'll leave you with these for now.  CC7567  (talk) 03:35, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Tried addressing your objections, thanks for the review CC. :) Kilson Likes PIE 19:27, 27 May 09 (UTC)
 * 11) Mauser:
 * 12) * If the infobox says he was born on Kamino, it should be mentioned in the bio as well.
 * 13) * Context on Glid Station is in the intro, but not in the body.
 * 14) **There already is context in the first paragraph of the body.
 * 15) * Optional: maybe you could start the bio with one sentence covering the fact that he was a clone of Jango Fett, born and trained to be a part of GAR and eventually earned the nickname Mag before jumping to events in 22 BBY?
 * 16) *Looks fine otherwise.  Mauser  Comlink 07:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **I addressed the other objections, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)
 * 18) Attack of the Clone II
 * 19) * I created a redlink for the Orto Plutonia CIS base; might want to create a stub for it.
 * 20) * The intro says that Kenobi and Skywalker were Jedi Master and Knight, respectively, while the body states they were Jedi Generals. Please pick one and stick to it.
 * 21) **I meant for you to choose either Master and Knight or Jedi Generals for both mentions and be consistent; please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 23:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***OK, added.
 * 23) *That's pretty much it; good work.  CC7567  (talk) 22:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Addressed all. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)
 * 25) Cylka:
 * 26) * It seems to me that the intro is a bit too detailed towards the end, regarding the fate of the base. I think that this could be simplified and cut down a bit since it doesn't have much to do with Mag.
 * 27) * Mag was the nickname of a clone of the bounty hunter Jango Fett, born and trained on the planet Kamino to be a cold assault commander in the Grand Army of the Republic - This sentence is a bit unclear as to who was born and trained on Kamino. Please clarify.
 * 28) * The two clones built a small camp and a tent - Did they build the tent or just put it up? Can you clarify, please.
 * 29) * However, while Mag and Shiv were discussing a letter Shiv was writing to a deceased hatchmate of his - Um... how can he be writing a letter to someone who is deceased?
 * 30) *Other than that, good job, Kilson. Cylka  -talk- 02:00, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll get to looking it over once more soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Kilson, I need to discuss possibly adding a P&T for the article over IRC; I'll catch you when you're next on.  CC7567  (talk) 22:25, 31 May 2009 (UTC)