Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Space Battle at Carida (second nomination)

Space Battle at Carida

 * Nominated by:User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Nomination comments: 21:53, January 4, 2011 (UTC)

Support

 * I enjoyed this. —Tommy  9281  Monday, February 7, 2011, 02:09 UTC See comments. —Tommy   9281  Monday, February 7, 2011, 17:33 UTC

Objection! Sustained!

 * 1) The date still needs to be sourced. My suggestion, find something in the game which indicates whether it takes place in 3 or 4 ABY, or find out which source establishes Xizor's death, as this mission takes place afterwards. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:59, January 4, 2011 (UTC)


 * Xizor's death takes place in 3.5 ABY so the battle must be after that. I will fix it.User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Alright. I'm not sure though if someone else is going to ask you to provide further explanation, but that satisfies my objection. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 22:26, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * 1) The intro needs a lot of work. The introduction to the article is treated as a summary of the article as a whole. As a reminder, everything needs to be linked once in the infobox, once in the intro, and once in the body of the article.
 * 2) If there is a link to the battle of Bespin (where the evidence was planted), please include it. It will help complete the article.
 * 3) Another note on links. Try to avoid redirects. I will leave a note on your talk page explaining how you can highlight redirects.
 * 4) Possibly more to come.Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 22:26, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * Oh, and could you provide a Behind the scenes note specifying that the Imperial fleet's composition is based on game mechanics, and that the Zann fleet's composition is variable depending on what the player builds?
 * Fixed. But at the top of the page it says that the nomination page doesn't exist I don't know whats going on there.User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * 1) During my copy-edit, I noticed there was a lot of underlinking (planet, shipyard), and some overlinking. Make sure you keep an eye on it. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:41, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * 2) Could you identify the freighter Zann was traveling in during the beginning of the battle? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:41, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * 3) The intro still needs work. If A1, A2, and A3 happened during the battle, followed by B1, B2, and C, then you need to write the intro like "A happened, then B, and finally C." Does that make sense or did my metaphor fall flat? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:41, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * 4) In the prelude, could you identify where Zann first acquired the Sith Holocron? It helps the continuity flow. Also, please add some context on Xizor (ie, that he was the head of Black Sun). This seems like a lot of work; it is. I've been through Battle good article nominations myself. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:41, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * 5) What exactly are the mission objectives? Is it necessary to destroy the Imp fleet entirely or does the mission end at a certain point? If it is the former, we may have to use the "Gamemechanics" template. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:41, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * Since destroying the Imp fleet is part of the storyline and not a player's choice, I don't think we have to use the template. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 18:47, January 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * 1) Great work so far, and congrats for taking on such an interesting topic. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:41, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * All fixed but 6. Its been a while since I played the game I'll have to play through and check it out.User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * OK I fixed 6. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * 1) Round three:
 * In the first Battle paragraph, you say Zann left hyperspace. Where did he launch from?
 * For the "Bossk quote," I think troop should be changed to soldier.
 * Can you expand on the role of the starfighters during the battle?
 * If it is necessary to destroy the entire fleet, then the infobox should probably be changed to just "Entire fleet except Admonitor" or something similar.
 * What happens to Carida after the battle? Does it remain in the Empire's control or is it automatically conquered for the Consortium? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:18, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
 * The location the consortium launched from could vary, cardia remains under imperial control and as for the starfighters they didn't do any thing special. Other than these 3 every thing else is fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Excellent; although I still see redirects in the article. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 20:10, January 29, 2011 (UTC)
 * I don't know what a redirect is. Could you tell me?User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * A redirect is a link, it will take you to the correct article but is a different name. For instance, linking "Darth Vader" will redirect you to "Anakin Skywalker," but the proper format is to link "Anakin Skywalker" and pipe-link       ( | ) "Darth Vader." Does that make sense? You can highlight redirects using the method I provided on your talkpage.
 * Ok it's fixed.User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Er, no. Those links you deleted (eg Theft on Bespin) were perfectly alright and should be reinstated. There are three redirects in the Prelude section: Jabba, Tibanna gas, and Darth Vader.
 * Ok I fixed them.User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Precisely. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 15:56, January 30, 2011 (UTC)

A couple of things

 * Introduction needs rewritten. It made up of an incredibly long run-on sentence.
 * Caption of the Merciless picture should be its, not it's I believe.
 * second paragraph of the Battle section needs to be rewritten, it's clunky. Split it up instead of having a long run-on sentence. <-Omicron 22:25, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * Fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins

Xd1358

 * Everything needs to be linked once upon first instance&mdash;one time in the infobox, one time in the introduction and one time in the article body.
 * Everything in the infobox needs to be mentioned in the article.
 * Infobox items do not need bullets if there is only one item in the field.
 * No other quotes?
 * Nothing for the remaining sections? 1358  (Talk)  14:49, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Image should be moved to left side and probably a bit higher, too.
 * "took place" is said twice in the intro; please remove one.
 * Now that sentence makes no sense. 1358  (Talk)  14:49, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Both the Admonitor and the Merciless probably need context in the intro.
 * Bossk needs contest in the intro. 1358  (Talk)  16:52, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
 * All fixed, but in 2 do you mean like list what the fleets were made of? User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * That means every ship type and everything else needs to be mentioned in the article itself as well. 1358  (Talk)  14:55, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Like this?User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Yes but they need to be linked as well. 1358  (Talk)  16:01, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * OK fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Several items in the article body need context. 1358  (Talk)  14:49, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Please note that some of my objections still remain and have reached the two-week inactivity limit already. 1358  (Talk)  14:37, February 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * Fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * My question regarding quotes remains. 1358  (Talk)  16:08, February 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * Fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Who is "Uari Fen", mentioned in the Prelude quote? He needs a mention in the article proper, too. 1358  (Talk)  17:18, February 7, 2011 (UTC)

As Children Playing with Toys Compared to the Prowess of the Old Masters...
*Context on Tyber Zann in the "Prelude." "which Tyber Zann stole..."
 * Context on the Sith holocron in the "Prelude." "Seeking to sell the Sith holocron..."
 * Now you need context on the Consortium. "which Consortium leader Tyber Zann..."
 * Context on Xizor upon his first mention in the "Prelude." You give him context in the very next sentence, but it needs to be upon first mention.
 * Context on Darth Vader in the "Prelude." "As part of the deal Xizor set up the meeting; however Darth Vader was convinced that Black Sun..."
 * And I'm only three sentences in. Fix these and I'll continue. —Tommy  9281  Thursday, February 3, 2011, 13:52 UTC
 * All fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Not so. And remember to sign all of your posts with four tildes. —Tommy  9281  Thursday, February 3, 2011, 17:51 UTC
 * The entire "Prelude" is messy. You talk about Zann's agreement to steal Tibanna, agreement with whom? You go on to say that Zaan planned to frame Xizor, but then you say, "As part of the deal Xizor set up the meeting..." Huh? This makes no sense. How can Xizor be apart of the aforementioned deal/agreement, if Zann is planning to frame him?
 * Is there no name for Interceptor IV frigate?
 * That is the name in the game. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * Context on the Admonitor in "The battle." "it was met by the Admonitor..."
 * Context on Thrawn in "The battle." "...all under the command of Thrawn."
 * Fixed. User:Grand Moff Hopkins
 * I'm stopping here, and am going to strongly suggest you solicit a copy edit. You might want to contact in that regard. I'll give you a few days to take care of that, but in all honesty, this thing, while small in size, is not GAN ready whatsoever. It might benefit from being removed until which time it is. I will make that determination by this coming Sunday's end. —Tommy   9281  Thursday, February 3, 2011, 17:51 UTC
 * All set, and not a bad article overall. Context was a big issue here, and one easily rectified by one or two words in each instance. Keep this in mind, it's relatively easy. Also keep in mind you don't source intros, unless somehow it has exclusive information, which this does not. It would be prudent in the future to do as I suggested and solicit a copyedit, as many of the issues found could have been cleaned up that way. And we as ACs aren't only here to "preside" over the GAN, if you will, but also to lend a helping hand. Don't hesitate to ask one of us to give your hard work a looksee beforehand; we want to help you do your best here, and will expect it as you grow in experience. —Tommy  9281  Monday, February 7, 2011, 02:08 UTC

Jinzler

 * The Prima Guide details a number of advisory tactics that the player can use during the battle, so it is probably worth mentioning these in the "Behind the Scenes" section. --Jinzler 21:51, February 6, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

 * 1) Grand Moff Hopkins, I did a copy-edit of the article, making a few adjustments to the BTS. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 21:41, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * 2) Hey Tommy, when you did your copy-edit, I noticed you split up the title. Its not conjectural, its from the Prima Guide, if you weren't aware. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 17:21, February 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * I am aware, I did it that way so as to allow smoother flow of the prose. —Tommy  9281  Thursday, February 3, 2011, 17:30 UTC


 * 1) I supported this in haste (and generosity) but it has become apparent that there are still several things missing, according to several other reviews. Once these issues have been satisfactorily resolved, I will re-review.<span style="white-space:nowrap; color:#Purple; background-color:#FFFFFF; padding:2px; border:1px solid #FFFFFF; -moz-border-radius:8px; -webkit-border-radius:8px; border-radius:8px; font-size:80%;"> —Tommy  9281  Monday, February 7, 2011, 17:33 UTC