Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Corran Horn

 * Nominated by: Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it.

(2 Inq/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 20:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Great.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:05, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Great job, Havac. Besides a few minor mistakes I fixed myself, there was nothing wrong with this article despite its length. DC 22:48, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Imperialles's objections:
 * 2) * Image:BattleofThyferra-crop.jpg's infobox lacks some fields.
 * 3) *I'll put Image:ScreenShot0153.JPG on my to-do list (not an objection).
 * Image:Corran Horn 4.jpg is sort of distorted. Possible to remedy at all?
 * 1) **Replaced with Image:Njo Corran.png. -- Ozzel 06:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nice work. --Imperialles 15:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 1 of 4)
 * First off, a comment. This is certainly one of the largest undertakings I have ever done on the Wook - reading this article, I mean. In fact, in order to even think of such a thing, I had to go off and print the content of the article (barring pictures and templates). At 8pt font, 0.12" margins (save for a 2" margin on the right), and with images and templates culled, I was able to squeeze the entire article into a convenient 40-page document, suitable for printing. Without modifications, the entire article is 111 pages long. 111. I must say that I am entirely impressed. And, all that to say... Inqs who are looking at this article and saying "Damn", I suggest that you do what I did, and print out the article, be it in small chunks or as a whole thing. In paper form, it's a whole lot easier to concentrate and make notations than on a computer screen. In fact, it only took me about an hour to read through 10 pages of my 40-page doc.
 * TL;DR version: Print out the damn article and review it already, Inqs. It's not that hard to read. :P
 * Secondly, another comment. I realize that, as I'm not an Inq, my vote really has no weight in this matter. That being said, I really wanted to review this article. Not because I'm looking for a way to push into the Inq-ing status, not because I feel like messing with Havac, but because I know (from personal experience) that an FAN that has nothing happening to it is worse to have running than an FAN with objections and the like, showing that it's not catatonic. Nothing is worse than having a stale FAN sitting for weeks on end without people even making an effort. Hence, my objection list is as follows (note that this is part 1 of 4. Article's long!):
 * 1) *INTRO
 * 2) ** Second paragraph, latter part. Make sure that you make the point that, after the Bacta Wars, Rogue Squadron reformed. As it stands now, you have "led Rogue Squadron in resigning", followed by "continued his career in Rogue Squadron"... without any mention of Rogue Squadron actually reforming.
 * 3) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 4) **Formative years
 * 5) *** Second paragraph, last sentence: Where does it come from? It doesn't seem to fit within the paragraph it's attached to.
 * 6) **Capturing Zekka Thyne
 * 7) *** I've noticed this throughout all of the scenes where Corran and Hal are working together: You use a lot of "Horn" where either Corran or Hal could be placed. For example, look at paragraph 3, first sentence: "Horn headed to the freighter, the Hopskip, with the others..." The reader isn't entirely sure which Horn you're talking about, until later in the paragraph. As I said before, this seems to be pretty prevalent throughout the father/son scenes. Is it possible to persuade you to use first names for clarification's sake?
 * 8) ****Alright, the explanation works. Stricken.
 * 9) **Living with loss
 * 10) *** Second "paragraph" (yeah, the one with two sentences) - any chance you can expand this, or group it together with a relevant thought? As it stands, it's pretty much just floating there.
 * 11) *** More instances of "Corran/Hal Horn" - which one is it, etc.
 * 12) *** Third paragraph, 4th sentence (ref'd [8]): "Morose and constantly reliving the past, Horn was only brought back to the present when Wessiri and Bastra got him into a cantina brawl, helping him focus himself on living his life now." - The now at the end of this sentence just feels too... present-tense. Perhaps a change to "in the present", or something similar?
 * 13) **Becoming a Rogue
 * 14) *** Rephrase first paragraph, last sentence. The use of the semicolon there just doesn't feel right. My suggestion is to remove the semicolon, and put a small phrase, "due to his thoughts on", or something to that extent.
 * 15) **Activation
 * 16) *** 4th paragraph, 4th sentence; the "shred" here feels informal. Can I get a more formal description of the Lancer's abilities?
 * 17) **Readying to strike
 * 18) *** Paragraph 4, Last Sentence: Has "Black Sunners" ever been used IU? If not, I'd prefer a "Black Sun members", or something to that extent.
 * 19) ****Intriguing.
 * 20) *Aaaaand... that's it! (Part 1). I went through and touched some things up myself. Very good read, very long read, but very well done. I'm impressed, jealous, angry, frustrated, proud, and happy, all at once, after reading through this article. Once again, excellent job Havac. 07:25, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks to his notes on my talk page, all of Part 1 is resolved. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the Red Book of Chack Jadson:
 * 23) *Right now, I'm only on Becoming a Rogue, but I'll get more done soon. Anyway, here's what I've got at this point.
 * 24) * Link the battles in the intro; there are several that could have links.
 * 25) * The prose in the first paragraph of drifting into danger is kind of dull.
 * 26) * You use the term cover identities twice in the first sentence of on the run.
 * 27) * The first two sentences of the last paragraph of on the run are also somewhat dull.
 * 28) *Ramble on.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:57, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * In Captivity: "The guard struck Horn with his blaster, and Horn retaliated by reflexively throwing his bucket of gravel into the guard." (Use Ctl+F) The bucket part isn’t needed, IMO.
 * 30) * In the last sentence of this section, you mention there Dlarit escaped. I’d add something along the lines of, now revealed as a traitor.
 * 31) * "Almost all the rest of Rogue Squadron followed suit." Who didn’t? I thought they all did, but I’m likely wrong.
 * 32) * "In 19 ABY, Horn, by then promoted to the rank of commander, and the rest of the Rogues were attached to General Bel Iblis, and were on Morishim when an Imperial corvette, followed by an Imperial Star Destroyer, entered the system." This sentence should be split into two.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:43, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 2 of 4)
 * Yes, me again. Don't worry, not as long a listing as the last one, I promise. Just an aside to Havac: When/if you have addressed objections, or if you need to ask a question on one of them, please use my talk page. I pay more attention there (and I realize you're stuck in the IP mode again).
 * Onto the objections!
 * 1) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 2) **The Bacta War
 * 3) *** Last paragraph, 5th sentence: Reads really awkwardly, almost to the point of run-on.
 * 4) ****Nice job.
 * 5) **Battling Zsinj
 * 6) *** Third paragraph, last sentence: Whose archenemy, Corran's or Zsinj's? From information presented earlier in the article, this feels ambiguous.
 * 7) ****Explanation makes sense. Just glad you elaborated on the reasons.
 * 8) *** Ninth paragraph, 3rd sentence: You just "drop" a mention to Fel in here, without a link or any previous explanation of just who Fel is.
 * 9) ****Cool.
 * 10) **The return of Isard
 * 11) *** Minor note, not an objection: I reworded the end of the 6th paragraph and the start of the 7th to read slightly better (in my opinion). Feel free to change it back if you don't agree.
 * 12) ****Ugh, that's... bad. Thanks for the revert.
 * 13) **Becoming a Jedi
 * 14) ***First sentence, 4th sentence, end of sentence: It may just be me, but the line "...Tavira was travelling with enforcers who might be Force-sensitives." feels almost-present-tense. Please reword.
 * 15) ****Obviously, just me, based on the information you presented.
 * 16) *And part 2 is done. Much less than last time. I went ahead and touched up some things in Corran's article too. 04:52, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **All objections from Review, Part 2 are satisfied, although I am slightly confused as to the reversion of many of my other edits as well. Just wondering. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) Not an actual review:
 * 19) * "''Horn served as a Jedi instructor, training his two children, Valin and Jysella, before the Yuuzhan Vong War broke out. Horn served a vital role in it, defeating Shedao Shai&hellip;" This, particularly the "it," seems a bit off to me.
 * 20) * No mention is made that Horn helped hunt down Jedi during his time with CorSec, which is clearly stated in Horn's Fact File.
 * 21) **I will probably review at least some of this article at some point. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the overloaded cockpit of Xwing328
 * 23) *Formative years
 * 24) ** The 2 ABY paragraph flows poorly, as the sentences are completely unrelated.
 * 25) ** The Kirtan Loor paragraph seems out of place, especially as the preceding and following paragraphs are both related to specific 2 ABY events, and the Loor paragraph doesn't have a specific time frame. It almost seems like it should belong in the P&T.
 * 26) *"Horn was given the callsign Rogue Nine, and Qrygg served as his wingman." Does this make Qrygg Rogue Ten (if we even know, for that matter)?
 * 27) * "...Antilles had had Whistler..." Wording: can you change "had" to programmed, convinced, or whatever is actually appropriate?
 * 28) *"During the interview, he made an enemy of Remart Sasyru, a pilot in Bolt Squadron who acted hostile towards Horn and return was mercilessly heckled." Is this just missing a word? "...and in return?"
 * 29) *To be continued... —Xwing328 (Talk) 23:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) From the Undisclosed Location of Darth Culator:
 * 31) *These will dribble in bit-by-bit as I read through this thing. Baby steps. First off, Image:Corran-jpn.jpg is inadequately sourced. Frankly, barring someone posting proper scans of these mythical Japanese novels, I think these should all be deleted. But first, it needs to be removed from your article unless you plan to do the research required to justify keeping it.
 * 32) * The fact that Horn hunted Jedi is not something to be hidden in the BTS. It is stated clearly and unequivocally in the Fact File and belongs in the CorSec portion of his bio. This is not meant to be a purely-flattering political fluff piece, we do not gloss over the ugly truths in our subject's history. We may not like Fact File retcons, but they are everywhere and we live with them. I do not see how anyone can justify excluding something like this, though I'm sure you're going to try. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:16, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * No picture of Leonia Tavira anywhere. Seems like there should at least be one in the relationship section. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 17:36, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * Not once do you refer to the actual class name of the Lusankya. This is an important expositional detail and I'm surprised it has been overlooked. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 18:25, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 36) * "Horn has appeared in every novel written by Stackpole, and was the first and only character to narrate an entire Star Wars novel in the first person in I, Jedi, which told the story of Horn's Jedi training and has since been retconned into having the status of an in-universe document.[1][14][12][17][13][6][39][8][30]" &mdash; this is ridiculously unhelpful. Source it properly&mdash;by statement, not sentence.
 * 37) * Also, is there no BtS stuff from Stackpole interviews or anything?
 * 38) **BtS still looks a little sparse, but okay.
 * 39) * Channeling Toprawa here: please order the Sources list by OOU publication date. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:17, 9 August 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) *You mention in the intro that he trained his own children to be Jedi - should they not be listed under Apprentices in the infobox?
 * 3) *Last paragraph of Capturing Zekka Thyne - when Hal is using his Force powers to fool Thyne into thinking he has removed his finger from the trigger, is there a specific Force power you could link this to?
 * 4) *Same paragraph - how did the Imperial forces come to be attacking the fortress? Did Thrawn/Kast arrange it?
 * 5) *Gathering her, her Rebel friends, and the crew of the Star's Delight together, they would attempt to escape on the restocked freighter, gathering all the Rebels together where Garqi's TIE complement could destroy them as they fled, ensuring a kill by sabotaging the ship's shields ahead of time. Horn would deliver the parts to the freighter, but in order to keep him from actually being on it, Barris would enter a notation of his execution in the Imperial system. Consider rewriting this section. These sentences are confusing and, although I know what happens since I've read the story, I feel readers who haven't will be confused.
 * 6) *Second to last paragraph of Battle of Borleias - why did Emtrey list Alderaanian products on the squadron's sell list to tip of Celchu and Terrik to the danger?
 * 7) *First paragraph of Readying to Strike - should the mention of the case involving the ROM passwords be mentioned earlier in the bio during the CorSec section? Chronologically, it pre-dates the Rogue Squadron mention.
 * 8) *When the stormtroopers are searching the room after Horn escapes Lusankya and fail to find him in the cupboard - is there any solid mention that this was an unconscious manifestation of the Force or is it only implied?
 * 9) *A little context on the Eidolon supply cache would be welcome.
 * 10) *Ditto on the War Frigate Valiant and its appearance in The Graveyard.
 * 11) *And on how Cracken's A-wings assisted in the capture of the Virulence.
 * 12) *I believe there is an article for the Gantoris-Skywalker duel, and, if so, it should be linked to.
 * 13) *Needs an appropriate link to the Battle of Yaga Minor (Galactic Civil War) in the appropriate section.
 * 14) *Second to last paragraph of Killik Conflict- is there an article concerning the Killik nests attempt to break the Fifth Fleet blockade? If so, it should be linked to.
 * 15) *Third paragraph, Corellian Crisis - some context is needed on why Pellaeon is now serving the Galactic Alliance as Supreme Commander is needed.
 * 16) *Fifth paragraph, Corellian Crisis - context is needed on why the Love Commander and Calrissian are on Corellia.
 * 17) *Sixth paragraph, Corellian Crisis - context is needed on who Myri Antilles is, and a link created to her article. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:16, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Technically, now you haven't voted for it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:26, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Wow Havoc... and I thought it had gotten pretty long back when I was working on this... you blew that away, AND more or less re-did the entire article AND re-wrote it a lot better than my version. Anyways, while I'm probably not gonna be able to do much for at least a month until school gets out, just a couple quick things I noticed:
 * 1) Some of the section titles strike me as a bit unencyclopedic. For instance, "Supply run gone wrong" might want to be replaced by something like "Battle of Yag'Dhul" or "Return to Yag-prime," and "Drifting into danger" might want to be replaced with something like "Leaving CorSec." There are also some border-line section titles (Rogue rookie, Reign of terror)
 * 2) It could use some more pictures, especially in the the parts on Rogue Squadron and I, Jedi. That being said, having worked to this article before, I know there aren't a lot of pictures from that time of his life, so if you can't add any without making it seem really forced, that's fine.
 * 3) The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.

Other than that, great Job!!!  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! ) 16:33, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Why has this article not been fully promoted it is better than quite a few others that are "Featured", it is well written, well put together in picture placement, and has everything else that makes it a worthy article, so lets be officially make it a Featured Article and move on to otherthings. Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 16:17, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Please come back when you have a proper understanding of the process. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:53, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Despite my personal desires to respond in a similar fashion to your earlier comments, I will attempt to be polite as I re-phrase for you what I summed up earlier on the nominations page.
 * 1. The article is well written and very detailed.
 * 2. At least from my eyes the article is unbiased (I haven’t seen any comments that differ)
 * 3. It is well sourced
 * 4. I have seen nothing to indicate that it does not follow the manual of style or any of the others listed in item #4
 * 5. It is not the target of any ongoing edit wars
 * 6. It is not currently tagged
 * 7. It has a good summary that is not to long (considering the amount of data to cover)
 * 8. It currently has 0 red links in it
 * 9. It has significant amounts of info from all major appearances (and to my knowledge all minor as well)
 * 10. It has not (to my knowledge) been on the main page before
 * 11. It has been completely referenced
 * 12. Images and quotes are sourced
 * 13. It has an acceptable amount of quotes
 * 14 It includes a "personalities and traits" section
 * 15. It includes a "powers and abilities" section
 * 16. It includes a reasonable number of very good quality images
 * 17. I am not sure of but have heard nothing to indicate it has not
 * 18. It is certainly more than 1000 words long in the main article itself.

Wraith Squadron

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.
 * Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that from Starcraft? —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 12:55, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * So it is. :-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:32, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also working on redlinks, me.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 05:49, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I've checked all the link destinations, all the duplicate links, and all the spelling. Added a few minor details and fixed a few formatting issues, and I'm quite satisfied with it now. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:08, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) After some fixes, I don't have any complaints. I actually had a great time reading it. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 18:23, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Ah, I see. Pesky periods popped. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From Greyman:
 * 7) * In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters&hellip;". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
 * 8) **Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
 * 11) **I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Looks much better. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Ref punctuation errors galore! Refs with no spaces after them before the next sentence, refs before commas, and, worst of all, multiple instances of refs with commas on both sides. (Ew!) As one might say: "A rather sloppy nom... Did you forget to copyedit?" ;-) -- Ozzel 10:00, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *I'll take a look-and it has nothing to do with the copyediting I gave it. Links and ref syntax I generally let AWB deal with, since that's what it's for, so I didn't even look at those. TBH, I could really care less as long as the refs aren't broken. When I'm reading 250 KB of article, ref punctuation is never a high priority.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Took a stab at it and cleaned some things up. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:37, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Bah. Your priorities break my little Grammar Nazi heart. :-p Anyway, looks much better now. Good work. -- Ozzel 03:08, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ****I'll send you a bandage and a little stuffed Ewok to cheer you up. :-P Thanks for the catch, though-the double commas around the refs looked particularly awful and I picked up on a few other things. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:49, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Would it be possible to get a roster of who was Wraith X at what time? For instance, initial roster, Iron Fist roster, whenever there's a major change. Right now if you want to know who Wraith Two or Wraith Eight or Wraith Ten was, you can't find that information in the article. Yrfeloran 05:43, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *I'll see what I can do . . . I'll need to work on it so it doesn't become a horrible list. Maybe something in the Members sections&mdash;that's what I did for Rakehell Squadron, but the Wraiths shift callsigns numerous times. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:50, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **A list has been added near the bottom of the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:00, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Information's there, so I'm happy. If people object to the format of that being ugly, I'm equally happy with callsign information being in pilot bios. Yrfeloran 20:09, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *** Detiled non-biased and I learnt quite a lot on it. I think it's quite detailed and deserves to be a featured article. Devan2 19:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Some preliminaries from Grae:
 * 25) * The intro is quite insufficient, for the level of detail in the article. I suggest quite a bit more on the actions of the Wraiths against Zsinj in the intro, unless you'd like to omit and summarize more of the information in the article, which would also be acceptable.
 * 26) **The intro has been lengthened. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Very good. Much less limp. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Linking&hellip;needs some help. Could AWB be run over it?
 * 29) **We have top men on it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***All link destinations and duplication checked. If you want links added, AWB can't help there. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:08, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Not too keen on the quote in the prose in the first section.
 * 32) **It has been removed and the content reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * Consistency with S and apostrophe would be very nice. We even have a CT about it currently.
 * 34) **Can you give me some specifics on words to look for? I know I'll go back through all the Antilles's, but are there others I should hunt down?
 * 35) ***All "Antilles's" have been changed to "Antilles'" Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:01, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ****I'll cover this as I go back through on my long, tedious run. Like I said, these are preliminaries. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Some consistency between Night Caller and the Night Caller, and similar instances with ship names, would be helpful.
 * 38) **Hmm. Thought I got all of those-it should just be Night Caller-but per comments below, I went with how Allston described the ships. If he said "the Narra", that's what I used. Now, I am referring to the Night Caller charade as something entirely different, where (the) and (Night Caller) are serving as adjectives for charade, so that might be what you are referring to. Let me know.
 * 39) ***Have gone through and eliminated all instances of "the Night Caller". Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ****Is it now consistently only "shipname" instead of "the shipname" with all ship names throughout the article? Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) *****For that particular ship, yes. Given the choice between article consistency and canon, I went with canon, so a few ships (Narra, Ugly Truth, etc.) as listed below are still "the shipname". If our Inqs say to stick with article consistency, I will adjust accordingly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:22, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * After spending some time in this article, I can say with some confidence that I believe a good deal of the history section is too detailed. I really believe that a lot of that information belongs in the articles for the individual battles and missions, or, in the case of things like the pranks, in the articles for the characters themselves. Some of these sections are almost FA-length in themselves, and I just don't think it's appropriate for an article that's supposed to be about the squadron and not the missions.
 * 43) **The pranks have been trimmed up somewhat. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * I believe the Sources section is somewhat lacking. I remember, for instance, reading in at least one Essential Guide about the Wraiths and their activities. And there simply has to be more.
 * 45) **3 Essential Guides have been added to the list; there wasn't any new info and a check of NEGAS showed that while Voort saBinring was mentioned, Wraith Squadron wasn't. Good catch. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) **Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
 * The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
 * Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
 * The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
 * The images are, AFAIK, all that are available besides individual member portraits, which I didn't feel like including since everyone has a picture at the bottom. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
 * No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
 * It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Gantoris

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, at long last I have written another thing I feel worthy of FAN. My thanks to 4dot, Tommy and Jaymach for the sourcing.

(6 Inqs/1 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 00:59, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I always thought he looked just like Ganondorf.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:25, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:21, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman ( Talk ) 03:07, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Good persistence through the process. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) DC 03:11, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think I was the one that did it, but that infobox image really needs work. There is also a quote in the body of the text that should be removed or moved to a header. Also you need to source the infobox. --Eyrezer 03:09, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Quote altered. I knew I'd forgotten something but just couldn't see it for some reason, and the infobox sourcing was it. Thanks! As for the image, I've asked for a litle assistance below, since my image skills are, shall we say, non-existant? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **The second last para of the bio lacks sourcing for its final statement. --Eyrezer 21:56, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Smeg. sourced. Also, thanks for the image enhancement.
 * 5) Some pointers, which I have mostly addressed myself
 * 6) * In my copy of Dark Apprentice, Exar Kun says "I want your anger, Gantoris.", rather than "I want your anger, Gantoris!". Misquote, wishful thinking, different source? I'm not sure.
 * 7) **Mistakenly wishful thinking - writing the quote how i thought it should be written. Altered.
 * 8) * Up till 100, write out numbers as words, such as three, for 3 corusca gems
 * 9) **Curses. Thanks for altering.
 * 10) * More linking, such as runyip, the battle of Dantooine where Daala attacks the colonists. Most things can be linked, I find.
 * 11) **Are there other things that are missing linkage?
 * 12) ***I don't think so. Good stuff. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Instead of hyphons, you want to use &mdash; I changed this for you
 * 14) **Err... Is this a set policy or just your personal preference?
 * 15) ***Well &"mdash"; and &"hellip";, I thought, were the proper wikia ways to do hyphons and ellipsis. I believe it's just the done thing, but feel free to go and check it out elsewhere. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I recommend expansion on Gantoris' rivalry with Horn, esp. the lifting of the rock episode.
 * 17) **I've expanded this in the Bio, by extracting and expanding relevant parts from the P&t. I've ad too.
 * 18) * Mention Warton, who Gantoris appears to have known from birth. It's his death that really guts Gantoris. Also mention the futile lightsaber strike on the wall against Kun.
 * 19) **Aah. Good point. Warton and lightsaber futility added.
 * 20) * Legacy section? There seem plenty of after death details.
 * 21) ** I've separated the final section into a "Legacy" part and added a little, but there's not much I can add to it.
 * 22) *Good stuff, Xadún. Harrar 16:23, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:27, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) From Greyman:
 * 25) * Gantoris actually has a role, albeit very minor, in the story Firestorm. I see it listed in the "Appearances" section, but don't currently see any info on it in the article. If you need help with obtaining a copy of the story, let me know :) Greyman ( Talk ) 18:54, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **At long, long last, I have added refernce to this. Sorry it took so long, and much thanks for providing the source. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:34, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From the Preliminary Hearings of Chack Jadson:
 * 28) * The only part I read was the BTS, which I changed a little for you, but I suggest you change the source for the part about Exar's name never being spoken in the narration. JA narration works, just not Dark Apprentice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:02, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ** I deemed this unnecessary as Kun only speaks to Gantoris in Dark Apprentice, but I've changed it as it works either way. Also, I've moved the specific details about Gantoris' lightsaber to the article. I thought describing it to be duel-phase was sufficient, but it made sense to have this added clarification in the article itself. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 10:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***This is trivial, but I don't see why you can't change the ref for this to narration. You specifically say he never mentions his name in the narration, then source it with a book.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ****I'm a little confused as to what you want here, I'm afriad.
 * 32) *****Okay. You say that in the narration, Kun never tells Gantoris his name. Unless I'm being thick, there's no reason to source this DA. You don't even need a source, actually.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:48, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ******The sourcing has been removed.
 * 34) * Context on Ta'ania in the body is desired.
 * 35) ** I've added what I can, although there's precious little to be said about her, which I think is a shame.
 * 36) * Could the third sentence in Legacy be merged with the second? Also, what is Kyp's redemption test?
 * 37) **Merged and added.
 * 38) *I did a copyedit for you too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks.
 * 40) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 41) * "Many times during this fight he attacked out of anger, Skywalker regularly on the defensive to keep from antagonizing his student." Okay, I've fixed a lot of awkward verbage in this nom, but this really needs cleaned up. Reword and clarify please.
 * 42) **Broken down and altered.
 * 43) * " a trait possibly driven by his dreams of the "Dark Man" in a hope to defeat him." Kill this or reword it so it's not so speculative.
 * 44) ** His high ambition meant Gantoris always strove to improve his skills, as his life on Eol Sha had meant he had to rely mostly on his own abilities.
 * 45) ***That's fine; the "possibly driven" was what tripped me up. Thanks for rewording it. Atarumaster88 [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Combine some of the paras in the P&T please.
 * 47) ** Done.
 * 48) * Link to Force powers as needed; some were missing.
 * 49) *Added telekinesis link to Luke pulling Gantoris' lightsaber using the Force.
 * 50) * Probably not a good idea to list Exar Kun as his Sith Master-yes, Kun is a Sith, but Gantoris isn't, if you catch my drift.
 * 51) **I've removed "Sith", but I have left him under the list of Masters that taught Gantoris.
 * 52) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:57, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **Like what you've done with this, DX. For future reference, I would have picked up on these a little sooner if you double indent the responses&mdash;I've fixed your replies so it doesn't look like they're objections. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) "Gantoris believed that Luke, in his black robes, might be the "Dark Man" who had plagued his dreams, and isolated him from the colonists. Listening to the people that brought him food, Skywalker concluded Gantoris must have been a decendant of Ta'ania." - I'm not quite sure what's going on here. You might need to clarify who's being kept isolated, who's bringing food et al, just to make that passage a bit clearer. "First, Gantoris lead him into a geyser tunnel to collect lichen to see if he could survive the eruption of the geyser." - This could be worded better, but I'm not quite sure how. Get back to me on that one if you need clarification. I think it would be good to mention the fact that he struck up a friendship with Streen in the bio. "No other works involving lightsabers reference these shimmering colors, with Gantoris' lightsaber itself referred to as purple, amethyst or purple-white in other works." - You need to cite these other works, at the moment you just have it sourced to Dark Apprentice. Thefourdotelipsis 03:46, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) *Clarified, altered, cited. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) Grass clippings:
 * 57) * "Born into the sole isolated settlement on the volcanic world of Eol Sha, Gantoris's affinity with the Force first became apparent when he survived an avalanche as a child." – Please rewrite, minding subject-verb agreement.
 * 58) **Strimmed.
 * 59) * Same deal – "His connection with the Force allowed him to predict earthquakes, eruptions, and avalanches, which he used to protect his fellow colonists on the unstable planet"
 * 60) **Mowed.
 * 61) * Corran Horn needs some introduction/context.
 * 62) **Planted.
 * 63) * "shadowy spectral ghost" is a bit redundant.
 * 64) **Clipped.
 * 65) * The way the Dark Man is set up to be Exar Kun is quite awkward. Please just come right out with it somewhere earlier in the article than you currently allude to him. Also, some limited background on Kun would be nice&mdash;feel free to use information from any source on him to do so, as long as you cite it. Don't feel limited to JAT.
 * 66) **Revealed in intro the Dark Man is Exar Kun, context added in the Bio.
 * 67) * "Upon witnessing his friend Warton being blasted by an AT-AT, Gantoris's calm broke." – Please rewrite, minding agreement.
 * 68) **Replanted.
 * 69) * Sourcing in the BtS is bizarre. Pick one: self-sourcing statements, or ref tags. As it stands, there's one unsourced statement and several of each of the ways to source.
 * 70) **Bts pruned to consist of self-sourcing statements.
 * 71) * Graestan ( Talk ) 23:44, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) **As ever, thanks for reviewing. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 12:20, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) Toprawa:
 * 74) * Not an objection since I've changed the instances myself, but articles should never, except as a last resort where things get confusing, be written by referring to people by their first names. "Luke" should always be "Skywalker," "Kyp" should always be "Durron," and so forth.
 * 75) **I'll bear that in mind.
 * 76) * Please also make sure you do a more concentrated job of making sure things are not linked twice through the article's body. Link once in the intro, and once on first mention in the body, and nowhere else, including the BTS. I've cleaned this up for you.
 * 77) **Ok.
 * 78) * You say here that he was searching for the offspring of this woman, but then in the next sentence, he believes her experience will be valuable? This certainly makes it seem as if she's still around. So who is he searching for? "he was searching for the offspring of Ta'ania to join his Jedi Praxeum."
 * 79) **Not so. Luke was searching for Ta'ania, unware she was no longer at the colony or kept herself hidden. Luke found Gantoris by coincidence when searching for Ta'ania.
 * 80) ***Ok, well please clarify this in the article as you have here. Per what I've stated, this makes it seem as if she's still alive, and he's looking for her experience. What I'm inferring from this is that he feels her experience will be beneficial to him vicariously, through another: "he felt her experience would be invaluable to him"
 * 81) ****Done.
 * 82) ***** This is still kind of confusing me. The intro sentence and the bio sentence covering this don't match. One says he's looking for Tania, another says he's looking for her offspring. Which is it? The intro sentence: "In 11 ABY, Luke Skywalker journeyed to Eol Sha, searching for the offspring of Jedi and Force-sensatives, specifically seeking Ta'ania" ...and the bio sentence: "When Luke Skywalker came to Eol Sha in 11 ABY, he was searching for the offspring of Ta'ania to join his Jedi Praxeum"
 * 83) ******They match now.
 * 84) ***** Also, as an addendum to that objection, keeping this as it is is very conditional on whom Skywalker is looking for. If he's searching for Tania, this makes sense: "and he felt her experience would be invaluable to him to train other Jedi Knights. " Because he can directly utilize her experience. If he's searching for her offspring, this does not make sense, because I don't really think you can utilize the experience of a dead woman. You can utilize the experience she taught to her offspring, maybe. Please clarify this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ******Amended - he was searching for Tanaia.
 * 86) * If he's already moving things around telekinetically exactly as he should, I would say he's already a talented student. This is kind of redundantly backpedaling on what you already established: "Gantoris quickly became a talented student,"
 * 87) **My apologies, This was unclear. It was Luke who moved the structure, not Gantoris. Altered.
 * 88) * So...what happened? "Gantoris believed he was tricked, demanding the other student explain how he had made it appear that the rock had risen."
 * 89) **Expanded.
 * 90) * This transition makes it seem as if Skywalker just haphazardly accepted this offer to duel, when I'm guessing he was forced into it against his own accord. Please reword, transition better: "Gantoris then used his new lightsaber to challenge Skywalker to a duel. Many times during this fight"
 * 91) **Changed to "Gantoris then used his new lightsaber to challenge Skywalker to a duel, threatening to strike him down if he did not defend himself."
 * 92) * So what happened after the duel between Skywalker and Gantoris? Did Skywalker reprimand him, did he send him to his room without dinner? That paragraph needs some sort of resolution.
 * 93) **Added.
 * 94) * Also, this duel between them really should have some sort of article. At the very least, please create a red link for it.
 * 95) **A link has been added.
 * 96) * I'm confused, is this happening present time, and he's getting a "live look-in," or did this already happen? Please clarify: "but the specter showed him the colonists he had led on Eol Sha as they were slaughtered"
 * 97) **The source is unspecific. Though the event and Gantoris' witnessing of it are together in the novel, it cannot be definitivly concluded that the massacre happened earlier or was happening at the same time. As such, I have left this unchanged.
 * 98) * You have some unnecessary double referencing of the same source at the end of the Legacy section. Please clear that up
 * 99) **Removed.
 * 100) * I'd like to see this sentence clarified and expounded on, please: "He was the most promising student, showing strength for the generating a protection bubble"
 * 101) **Expanded.
 * 102) * The way this BTS sentence reads does better to establish this than what you have in the Legacy section. Please beef up that section: "This makes his fall to the dark side haunt the Jedi trainees even more."
 * 103) **Section expanded.
 * 104) * I've removed this sentence from the BTS due to its trivial nature, but something of the sort should at least be specified in the biography somewhere: "The spirit of Exar Kun never actually reveals his name to Gantoris in any part of the narration for the Jedi Academy Trilogy."
 * 105) **Why remove it? It says in the Bio Gantoris' Dark Man was Exar Kun and that Gantoris was unaware of his identity. This sentence clarified that from an OOU perspective.
 * 106) ***Because it's pure trivia. The article establishes this pretty definitively. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) ****Fair enough.
 * 108) * You're missing small tid bits of information regarding his corpse from The Essential Guide to Characters, which must also then be added to the source list by correct OOU publication date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:06, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) **Added.
 * 110) * I also find a few issues after reading through the character's entry in the Star Wars Encyclopedia:
 * 111) ** The SWE claims that Gantoris was "a possible descendant of the Jedi Ta'ania." Does any source actually definitively state him to be a descendant of her?
 * 112) ***No, it doesn't. Skywalker draws this conclusion, but it is never confirmed by Gantoris himself.
 * 113) ****Then your article can't definitely say she is, which it does in the intro, twice. Both instances should be reworded to resolve this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 114) *****Changed.
 * 115) ****** You still shouldn't say "a possible" descendant, even if SWE does make this speculation, because it's just that - speculation. Try to word it to say that Luke Skywalker believed him to be a possible descendant of Tania.
 * 116) ******* Now says he was believed by Luke Skywalker to be the decendent etc.
 * 117) ** It also states that Kun "guided Gantoris in building his own lightsaber...." I feel this could be better stated as such in the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:18, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 118) ***I was being diplomatic. Some sources say Kun outright taught Gantoris to construct the lightsaber. The novel Dark Apprentice says that Gantoris simple "knew" how the pieces of his lightsaber would fit together. As such stating Kun guided Gantoris' judgement incorporates both these views.
 * 119) ** Finally, "...but he soon learned [the Dark Man] was the spirit of Exar Kun." Unless I've missed it, the article leaves us only with the understanding that Gantoris is unaware that the Dark Man is in fact Kun. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:31, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 120) ***Interesting point. No other sources say Gantoris knew Kun was the Dark Man - I've added this to Bts rather than the main body.
 * 121) **** Ok, this instead needs to be incorporated into the article somehow, unless this is a blatant discrepancy of all other sources, which it really doesn't seem to be. This is a nice little tendency SWE has, it includes little morsels of new information like this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) *****Integrated in bio and sourced to EGC.
 * 123) ****** Ok, except it should be sourced to SWE. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) *******Re-sourced.
 * 125) **I've covered most of your objections - I will address the remaining few when I'm not at work. and Thank's for the review. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:15, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) * Your most recent addition has omitted the fact that Kun did indeed kill him. The new change just states that the students found him dead, without allowing the reader to know how. This needs to be fixed.
 * 127) **Fixed.
 * 128) ***Good, that reads well. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 129) * The last sentence in the Legacy section lacks a reference.
 * 130) **Not any more! ;)
 * 131) * After reading over this again, this is rather unclear to me as to what exactly is happening. What exercise? Did he duplicate the telekinesis exercise? "being able to sense all the buildings around him through the Force and perform the exercise exactly." Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) **It was telekinesis. clarified per request. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:13, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 133) * The second bio paragraph is lacking a source. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) **Not now.
 * 135) Should mention the rediscovery of the planet by the NR sociologist and their subsequent report on Gantoris. Afterall, that is what led Luke to the planet. Should also mention details like Gantoris housing Luke in the dead child's favourite play spot so as to keep him off-guard. That could go in both the bio and the P&T --Eyrezer 04:01, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) *Added.
 * 137) **Just so we're all on the same page, the first part above has not been done. Xadun is also going to do some further checking so the above objection is still outstanding. --Eyrezer 03:51, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) My two cents
 * 139) *Could you give some context for the Great Sith War?
 * 140) **The event is really only used as a reference for Exar Kun, so I don't feel it's necessarily relevant to do so. The link will provide any info ;)
 * 141) * "He also wielded a lightsaber with minimal instruction," Surely you can expand on this. DC 18:15, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 142) **Not really. This is what happened - Gantoris construced the lightsaber and challenged Luke the next day. The P&t really is an overview of skills - Gantoris recieved a small amount of training but took on Skywalker to a level that concerned the other students. I feel it is sufficient. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:10, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Can someone please assist with an improved copy of the Infobox image, per Eyrezer's request? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Culator took care of it. --Eyrezer 08:44, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I will make Gantoris an FA even if it drives me mad... Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:13, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Natasi Daala

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:05, 15 June 2008 (UTC),
 * Nomination comments: "I am doing all I can to preserve the Empire."--Ysanne Isard

(0 Inqs/5 User/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) After all, I did work on it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:54, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I still think this article needs more work, but Ataru seems to have covered the rest. DC 03:19, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) DarthBlurrr (I Am the Chosen One) 12:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The First Wave of Objections from Darthchristian
 * 2) * Before I state my objections, let me extend some thanks to you. You've done a great job on the article, Mitth'raw'nuruodo, expanding and fixing numerous problems with the article but there are still some things to expand and fix.
 * 3) * First off, the first sentence in the the intro is a horrible way to start it off. State where she's from, that she's a human female, then give the fluff of the article. Change it to, "Natasi Daala, a Human female from the Renatasia system, was an Imperial admiral, and later in her life, the Galactic Alliance Chief of State. The only female to ever reach the rank of admiral in the Imperial Navy, she enlisted in the Imperial Navy on Carida, but was discriminated against due to her sex." Continue from that, and fix up the sentence if you feel you need to.
 * 4) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * You give no mention of her son and grandson in the intro as well, which is vital information.
 * 6) **Added that she had a son.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * In the second sentence of the third paragraph in the intro, make a link for command, linking to Supreme Commander.
 * 8) **Did so.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Make swearing in the intro past tense.
 * 10) **I believe in that context it is past tense.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * There's a source? tag in the first sentence of the bio.
 * 12) **Removed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * In the first sentence of the second section, state, "Due to her talents,".
 * 14) **Good idea.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Expand on her appearance in Death Star. She's given a lot of information in that book, and she has only a few sentences about it in her article. Trust me, you can get of alot of information about her in that book.
 * 16) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Link to 11 ABY and to Han, Chewie, and Kyp.
 * 18) **How'd we miss that? Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * You give no mention that she was going to keep Han and Chewie prisoners, and that she was going to execite Kyp.
 * 20) **Do now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Oh, please, please expand the Return to the Maw section. You give a paragraph for the last book of the Jedi Academy Series, which is just pathetic. She's one of the main antagonists in that book.
 * 22) **Done. Keep in mind her part in the last part of the trilogy was slim at best.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 02:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***I'm going to look into that book later. For now, I'm not striking the objection. Darthchristian 03:05, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I reread it, and you're right, though I could've sworn there was more to Daala in that book. Darthchristian 15:35, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Expand LOTF greatly, and merge the last two sections in "Second Galactic Civil War," and start it off with, "Daala eventually returned from hiding at the request of her former, Pellaeon...."
 * 27) **I haven't read the Legacy of the Force series yet, but as far as merging and such goes, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:53, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Expanded.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Also, you're not supposed to vote for the article you nommed anymore, so I guess strike that vote. These objections may be harsh, but this article really is not even close to FA quality at this point. Daala has a lot of potential, so I really want to see her article completely fleshed out. Fix those objections, and I'll come back for more. Darthchristian 00:26, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) The Praetorite objections
 * 31) * Maybe change the second "female" in the first sentence of the intro to "woman" to avoid the repetition?
 * 32) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *My main problem with this article is that there seems to be a lack of over-arching continuity in it:
 * 34) ** Commander Kratas should be mentioned early on, way before his death.
 * 35) ***He is now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ** All the information given in Revelation needs to be incorporated into earlier areas of the article as it essentially explains what goes on post Scylla-battle.
 * 37) ***She tells Pellaeon to contact her via the Darakaer message when she vanishes
 * 38) ***She remains in contact with Boba Fett, and calls upon him at Fondor.
 * 39) ***She gets back together with Liegeus, who's killed, she loses an eye and vows revenge against the Moffs
 * 40) ***At some point after the Battle of Bastion she gains control of the Chimaera
 * 41) ***She does planets favours during the Yuuzhan Vong War (her own words), accrues a fleet and mounts some of the ships with Metal-Crystal Phase Shifters&mdash;tech taken from the Maw when she memory dumps all its information.
 * 42) **There is also a large lack of context about the Yuuzhan Vong War and the Second Galactic Civil War.
 * 43) **I'm aware my objections are perhaps a little vague and require you to sift through Revelation, but as Darthchristian said this has a long way to go, and I'm not trying to be difficult. Basically, at the moment the sectioning is basically by appearance, with information chunked together as it has been received&mdash;probably because she's sat dormant for so long. Major respects for getting her off the shelf. Harrar 12:41, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Expanded. Please give more critique if you feel it's needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *** It's a good expansion, but I feel that the article is lacking a section between Later life and Second Galactic Civil War, or just an extension of the Later life section, in which you order the above information chronologically. I.e. Keeping in touch with Boba Fett, the Darakaer code, the Maw Irregular, her actions during the Yuuzhan Vong War. This would give the article better internal continuity in my opinion. What do you think? Harrar 18:47, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Well, my first inclination would be to disagree, since we have no idea (or at least to my knowledge) of when these things specifically happened (with exception to her role during the Yuuzhan Vong War), such as her giving the Darakaer code to Pellaeon, nor are there any specific details on these things (such as her forming the Maw Irregualr fleet). Once again, I have not read the LotF series, but I'm sure that there are no particulars (at least in dates) to these things, so that it would be impossible for us to say within the article when these things happened. So, at least in this case, over-arching continuity seems to be unlikely, or at least very difficult, to be established.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:20, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****It'd be tough because we really don't have any dates, and I tried to add context in the expansion to make it flow. I'll tinker with it and try your suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******Harrar: I made that change, and I personally think it's good. Keeps the flow going. Good suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 10:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) *******That's brilliant&mdash;exactly what it needed in my opinion. Nicely done. I'll wholeheartedly strike Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ***I am afraid I personally can do little to address your LOTF related objections, as I have not read the series, but I hope that one of my fellow project members can do so.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ****Having written a few FAs and being a member of this project, I can add this info.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:41, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) BtS could do with some work. Add info about her characterization/development, what sort of role she played, how her promotion in Invincible was controversial, etc. Also, some of the BtS is inaccurate: "aside from a brief mention which stated she was believed to be dead in the New Essential Chronology, disappeared from canon for 10 years." Aside from implying that it's now post-2011, it's wrong; she was mentioned many times in NJO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:59, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *Done, with the exception of the Invincible promotion thing.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:23, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) **When I added that tidbit, I put 10 years because the last published work she appeared in before LOTF was PoT, hence the 10 years. And by not appearing, I meant not physically apearing. I didn't count mentions.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:37, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***On a related note, she actually appeared in Death Star before Revelation. Thefourdotelipsis 09:31, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ****The related change shall be made to the BTS.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:08, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:41, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) Can you describe the events that occured at the end of Champions of the Force, that her crew still had confidence in Daala, the losses she had obtained, etc.? It shouldn't be much to write, its just the status of Daala and the Gorgon after the battle.
 * 59) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 19:09, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) *Most of what I was going to address was picked up by other users, so that's all I have for now. Expect to see a list of grammatic issues later this week, as that's the last thing I believe this article needs before becoming a FA. Once all of my objections that are unaddressed are fixed, and the other users' objections have been have fixed, then you might find this article to be a lot more improved. Darthchristian 15:51, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) Well, I'm not sure but where is Daala mentioned at the Battle of Shedu Maad? I've finished Invincible today but I can't remember any mention of her name. Janeway 11:24, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Oh, what about her appearence in The Princess Leia Diaries? Shouldn't that be added? Janeway 11:27, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) *It doesn't say she was in the battle, it just says that afterwards she was made Chief of State.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:09, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) *Daala and the Maw Irregular Fleet later took part in such crucial final battles of the war as the Battle of Roche and the Battle of Shedu Maad. I think that tells its own tale, doesn't it? Janeway 18:12, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **It was linked twice, hence the confusion. I didn't find any mention of her in the battle's article, so I removed the mention altogether. I hope that helps.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) **As to your other (what I am assuming is) objection, I cannot find any mention of Daala anywhere in relation to Leia's youth nor could I find how she could even fit in with the plot. I'll continue my search (I have not read the comic), although I urge you to keep an open mind, since she may not have a part in it at all, though who knows?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:31, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***If you can't find any mention, there won't be any important stuff. Besides it's a great article. Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Thank you.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "Daala had no real strategy, and intended only to cause as much damage as possible with her" That's contradictory; her strategy was to inflict maximum damage. Reword. (intro)
 * 3) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Somewhere, her flagship deserves a mention in the intro.
 * 5) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Rather poor linking to battle articles in the intro.
 * 7) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "although the details of the affair are muddy. Presumably, following the end of the relationship" Remove this. It's speculative, and should be reworded somehow to allow for flow without making assumptions.
 * 9) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Better, but I believe it stated in Planet of Twilight that she left him out of a sense of duty or something like that. Flesh this out some more. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:54, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Tarkin contacted her via holocam" Is that supposed to be holocomm?
 * 13) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * No context given on Undauntable.
 * 15) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * 3rd para of Command of Maw needs some help. A quick glance shows a rather short syntax and present tense.
 * 17) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * In the 4th para, clarify whether Fortressa was a freighter or battleship.
 * 19) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Rather unimpressive prose in those next two paragraphs. Particularly, combine the injury treatment and battle paragraphs from Death Star and try and make those sentences less choppy.
 * 21) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * There needs to be a new section between the Death Star and Jedi Search segments.
 * 23) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * A mention of Divini's use of Daala's name as a guise during the escape of the Death Star would be good.
 * 25) **I put it in, but I think it's a bit out of place. Thoughts? If you think it belongs, I'll keep it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * More background on Daala's decision to attack Mon Calamari desired.
 * 27) **Is that enough?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Expand and clean up the Battle of Mon Calamari paragraph. It doesn't read well and it's lacking in detail.
 * 29) **Added some. Is more needed?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * "Decimating" means to reduce by a tenth. Since we can't know specific fractions in most cases, please refrain from using this word whenever possible.
 * 31) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * "Daala realized it was just a distraction, and that Durron had already ignited the stars in the nebula with the Sun Crusher, and ordered all ships to immediately jump into hyperspace." Run-on; clear it up somehow please.
 * 33) **Fixed, I think.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * More context on prototype Death Star.
 * 35) **I think I got it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Kill the quote in prose in final Maw Installation battle.
 * 37) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Check your "the"s in reference to ship names. Is it Basilisk or "the Basilisk"? Etc.
 * 39) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) *More detail on the conference needed (with warlords).
 * 41) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ***Name some of the more prominent ones, please. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:46, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) *More detail on the sizable strike she ordered and on the buildup that preceded it.
 * 44) * I believe some of her vessels struck Khomm in retaliation for the Jedi infiltration. This should be mentioned.
 * 45) **It is now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Context on Galactic Voyager
 * 47) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * Link to Battle of Yavin IV with Daala and Cronus.
 * 49) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * The correct term is "gas giant". Please correct this throughout the article.
 * 51) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Link to battle over Nam Chorios.
 * 53) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * More detail on her battle against Bel Iblis, specifically the CC-7700 bit.
 * 55) * "with a variety of deadly starship weapons designed by the Maw scientists themselves. During the devastating Yuuzhan Vong War, in which extra-galactic aliens waged war on the galaxy," Some POVishness here.
 * 56) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Her fleet, the, jumped out of hyperspace, surprising Caedus." What is missing here?
 * 58) **I dunno. But fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * I dislike your frequent use of "this qualifier". Remove as many of these as possible from the prose. Quotes use the quote template; otherwise, they should be removed. Indicating facetiousness with quotation marks should be used as a last resort in formal writing. (Unless Gonk, Grae, Tope, or someone else more knowledgeable in English grammar can point me to a source saying otherwise).
 * 60) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) *Her willingness to flaunt regulations should be listed in P&T.
 * 62) * She could use a relationships section, as there is no equivalent mention in P&T.
 * 63) **Added one.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * "She always had a tendency to disappear enigmatically from continuity, only to reappear at an unexpected time." This sentence in BtS will need to be sourced, or else it is original research.
 * 65) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * "All of Daala's Star Destroyers (Basilisk, Gorgon, Hydra, and Manticore) are named after mythical beasts,[4] perhaps implying that they are sister ships of the famous Chimaera.[15]" I don't see how this is pertinent to Daala herself. To the Maw fleet, certainly. Moreover, it appears to be speculation anyway and must die.
 * 67) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) *How that infobox picture was chosen is beyond me, but there's no way that is the highest quality image of Daala available.
 * 69) * More detail on her encounter with Callista and the Battle of Yavin would be good.
 * 70) **Added some. Is that sufficient?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * I would personally combine Return to Maw and Private war.
 * 72) **Did it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * You have a spelling error, I believe, in Daala's resignation quote. If it's not a typo, it needs to have a [sic] in it.
 * 74) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) * Check your sources to make sure they are ordered chronologically.
 * 76) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) *She's given an appearance in The Princess Leia Diaries. Information from this will need to be included if it is not a "Mentioned Only". Ditto with Rebellion.
 * 78) * Reword "Daala was okay" That's far too informal.
 * 79) **Indeed. It should be better now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) * "Daala later showed Tarkin a video she had gotten from the" Change "had gotten".
 * 81) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * "Extremely secure facility" could be reworded to be a little less POVish.
 * 83) **Changed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) *2GCW section needs fleshed out, with some longer sentences.
 * 85) **I'm not quite sure what's wrong with it. Could you check it out?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * "Now though, it made Daala a force to be reckoned with" Flowery prose.
 * 87) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * "Pellaeon, a man whom Daala had really liked," Informal.
 * 89) **Ugh. Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) * "In exchange for her letting bygones be bygones" Informal tone.
 * 91) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) *Her inaugural address and what she said needs a mention in Bio.
 * 93) **Check.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:17, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) *More detail needed from Planet of Twilight. One paragraph is far too little.
 * 95) **I split it into two paragraphs. :P Seriously though, she doesn't do much in that novel. If you still think more is needed, I will go over it again.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:17, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) * Need to mention her order for the attack on Khomm.
 * 97) **Does now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) * "What she found there, however, was total chaos." Flowery prose.
 * 99) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) *More details on Solo's interrogation.
 * 101) * Detail what was worked on at the Maw, along with maybe some of its key personnel.
 * 102) **Okay.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 103) * "Though she made a valiant attempt to suppress the Sun Crusher with sheer numbers" POV in valiant.
 * 104) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) *More motivation on the decision to attack Mon Calamari.
 * 106) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) * "However, Tarkin took her on as his, using his influence to" As his what? Personal aide? Military advisor? Mistress?
 * 108) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) *Give some context on the location of her battle with Bel Iblis.
 * 110) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:17, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) *"She was stable, but wounded, and brought immediately to the battlestation." Reword.
 * 112) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:17, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 113) *"Only Daala and Pellaeon survived, utilizing gas mask-like membranes." Clarify.
 * 114) *"Sending Pellaeon and a group of Imperial Star Destroyers to Yavin IV for an attack on the Jedi Praxeum." Fragment.
 * 115) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:17, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 116) *BtS could use fleshed out more. I'm really thinking it could use more information&mdash;search at least for interviews with KJA or LotF authors, as well as possible commentaries by SW VIPs on Daala.
 * 117) *I'm with Ackbar on the size of this article. I'm thinking this needs at least another 5-10 KB of content for a thorough FA. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:46, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 118) **I'll finish this if it kills me Ataru. It is going to continue to take me some time though; some of these objections are substantial, and I've got some things preventing me from doing this.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:17, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) It should probably mention Lady Tarkin or the fact that Tarkin was married in there somewhere (perhaps in the "Relationships" section). This is mentioned in both her and Tarkin's NEGTC entries. -- Ozzel 05:25, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 120) *Added it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm no Daala expert -- I haven't read any KJA novels -- but I would have expected this article to be way longer than the 42 KB -- the same length as Sagoro Autem and Jareal, two far more minor character FAs. Ysanne Isard, a similar sort of character (I think) who probably does a fair bit less than Daala, is 92 KBs. That's what I would expect Daala's article to look like, and it doesn't look like FA-class detail at the minute. But as I said, I'm no expert. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:54, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Ysanne Isard is much bigger and is featured in many novels and comics, where as Daala is only in a couple and for the most part conducts military campaigns, not political insurrections, assassinations, etc. It isn't a very good idea to compare Daala to Isard.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:12, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Okay, perhaps that was a bad comparison -- I did say I wasn't too familiar with Daala. I figured since Daala played a character-who-has-stuff-done-but-doesn't-do-much-herself who features in eight novels, and Isard is a similar type of character who features in 5 novels, a short story, and a comic arc, they might be similar. But even if my comparison is wrong, you cannot tell me that Daala's article should be only a tad longer than Czulkang Lah's and Morag's, and a fair bit less than Zuckuss's and Evir Derricote's. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I will admit that it may be lacking in some areas (Death Star and LotF series), but we have project members (I hope) working on these aspects of Daala's article, as this point has already been brought up. But that doesn't mean that the whole article is undetailed. But this is simply because I have not read material covering these parts, and I trust that it will be taken care of by the rest of Project Ambition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Serious shame in using that awful NEC one for main image and not using "Daala, you are such a pain!" Then again, it works if we want everyone to hate this character. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Kendal Ozzel

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm taking an awful risk here, Vader... This had better work.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 16:40, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn:
 * 2) *Intro:
 * 3) ** "..wealthy family owning land..." should be "wealthy landowning family."
 * 4) ** Change the last part of the first paragraph to: "Ironically, Ozzel did not achieve his goal of high rank due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as the Emperor's Hand Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision."
 * 5) ** Ozzel was not the Admiral of Death Sqaudron, no such title exists. Say he was the ranking officer of Death Squadron.
 * 6) ** add "his senior subordinate, Captain Firmus Piett".
 * 7) * Infobox:
 * 8) ** I feel that Ozzel is over associated. Rather than have Imperial Navy and Death Squadron, just have Death Squadron, since that was the facet of the Navy he was in.
 * 9) ***No, that's correct as is. We list all tiers of a faction, if known. Thefourdotelipsis 13:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Oh, very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Ozzel has a blond mustache.
 * 12) *Ascension and Death:
 * 13) ** Change "He was assigned as the commander..." to "He was assigned to the Executor, the flagship of both Darth Vader and the task force Death Sqaudron, as its commanding officer, with Captain Firmus Piett as his senior subordinate."
 * 14) **Try to milk as much info out of ESB as possible.
 * 15) * BTS:
 * 16) ** Several parts of the BTS are unsourced.
 * 17) ***While this was changed, for future reference it didn't have to be. All parts of the BTS were sourced, if not by tags then by statements that sourced themselves by stating their source within the sentence. - Lord Hydronium 14:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Just to add to this, the way it is now I'd call it overreferenced. - Lord Hydronium 14:25, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****That's what I was thinking. I'll remove them, if they haven't been removed already. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ** Rather than say who thought what about him, try to include all their opinions in one blow.
 * 21) ** Change "action" to "actions".
 * 22) ** "Active" should be "activate".
 * 23) ** Change "a large majority" to "the majority".
 * 24) * Though not an official objection, I'd like for the Black Nebula red link to be filled in if possible.
 * That's about all I can think of at this moment, I may try and fix somethings myself after my objections have been addressed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:55, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Uh, if there is no such title of "Admiral of Death Squadron," why is he the admiral in charge of Death Squadron? Otherwise, done. Additionally, I don't have Scoundrel's Luck, so I can't do anything about the Black Widow Nebula redlink. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no "Admiral of Death Squadron" but there is "Commander of Death Squadron".-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fine, "Admiral in charge of Death Squadron." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Mention should be made that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy on Coruscant.
 * 3) * Mention should be made that Ozzel achieved the rank of Captain of the Line before being transferred to the Coruscant Naval Academy, and that he was transferred because his superiors felt he was not able to command in the field.
 * 4) * Mention should be made that he taught naval history and languages at the academy.
 * 5) * For the Personality and traits section, no mention is made of his bullish attitude and lack of common sense, his argumentative attitude, his being a disciplinarian and stickler for rules, and his bias against females and non-humans while teaching at the academy.
 * 6) *All the above is from the Official Star Wars Fact Files. If you need help on some of it, let me know. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **If you could leave me details on each of your comments on my talk page with the specific Fact File they came from, I'd be more than happy to add the information in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 02:44, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just to let you know, I'll have this taken care of by tonight; it's a busy day for me. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:01, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:05, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Happy to help with the content, but there's a few other things about the article I noticed. Please see below. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 12) * An expansion on the situation on Teardrop, with a link to the Teardrop massacre should be included.
 * 13) **Okay - more expansion is needed here I feel. Remember, context is everything. Why were the Rebels on Teardrop? How did the Empire learn of their presence? How were the Rebels able to escape? Why was the Millennium Falcon there? Why did the Empire chose to kill innocent civilians? Also, mention Dreflin's involvement on the surface and his altercation with Daric LaRone which led to his death.
 * 14) ***Frankly, I don't think all that is needed, as they had nothing to do with Ozzel. I added why Ozzel was there and what he did in the system, but I don't want the paragraph to end up sounding like a summary of the first few chapters of Allegiance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Include details of the plans to kill Mara Jade.
 * 16) **A little something on why Ozzel agreed to eliminate Jade is needed - did he believe that the Stormtrooper desertion incident would look bad on his record, etc. Also, why was the Falcon at the pirate base in the first place?
 * 17) ***I've added why he agreed, but again, I think that adding why the Falcon was there has nothing to do with Ozzel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * It's been a while since I read Allegiance, but does Ozzel have any reaction to/ knowledge of/ direct contact with/ orders to deal with the Hand of Judgment?
 * 19) * Concerning the information regarding the differing viewpoints on his ascension to Admiral: consider removing He led Death Squadron alongside Vader into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY that ended in a Rebel escape., from the end of the third paragraph of Ascent, and adding the first three lines from the fourth paragraph to the third, from "Speculation abounded ... to ... members of the general staff". This will consolidate all the information on his promotion into one paragraph.
 * 20) * Following on from the last comment, add the line removed from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph, since the fourth will now deal with his actual command of the vessel. This may require a little rewriting so it fits.
 * 21) * Not an objection - regarding the BTS info on the origination of Ozzel's first name - this link may be useful to you as it confirms the existance of the Danny Kendall character in the series, and a small piece on his relationship with Sheard's character. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **I've done some of it, but the rest will have to wait until this evening. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:09, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Having been busy all week, I'll try to get this done tomorrow night. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:51, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:22, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****Okay, I struck most of them, but I still feel more expansion on the Allegiance events is needed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:51, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 27) * Allegiance info needs a mention in intro. His role is certainly large enough.
 * 28) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 01:03, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ***More, please. Trying to kill an Emperor's hand and being embroiled in that sort of sector intrigue is certainly relevant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:37, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * "He attended the finest naval academy" Some POV here.
 * 32) **That's what it says in the sources. Can't help that. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Irrelevant. The sources don't have to be neutral, especially if they're IU. Our article has to be. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Regardless, it needs to be shown that he attended the finest naval academy. It's important to the article. Unless you can find a better way to word it, I'm not going to remove it. I may be acting rude; if so, I apologize, but I really want that kept in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *****I placed a fix in there. "the finest naval academy" vs. "What was considered the finest naval academy." An even better fix would be to say who called it the finest naval academy, if that information is available. (e.g. "What was considered the finest naval academy by _____".) Since you're new to the FAN page, I'm trying to help out, but future reviews shouldn't be carried out like this. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ******It doesn't say who considered it to be the finest. Like I noted above, all it says in the source is that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *******I understand that and the point I'm trying to make is that you simply can't say that in the article. Since the narrator of the Fact Files is unknown, it can be left with the fix I've inserted, but for future reference, even if the source says "Vader was the finest duelist" or "attended the best naval academy", that's still POV and cannot be placed in the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * 2nd para of Early life is out of order chronologically. Please amend.
 * 39) **How so? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:52, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ***It seems to me that you should place Solo's trial before the instructor stint, since it was only for "a short time" and Solo's court-martial was well before Yavin. That said, I haven't read the relevant sources aside from the Han Solo Trilogy. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Will do. Thanks for clearing that up; I don't have the Han Solo trilogy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * I'm fairly certain it's called Reprisal throughout Allegiance, not the Reprisal. Please adjust accordingly.
 * 44) **I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***If the warship is referred to as "Reprisal went here and did things" and not "the Reprisal went here and did things" in Allegiance, then the extra "the" needs to be removed. IIRC, Reprisal is the canon usage. Could be wrong there, it's been a few months. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Does it really matter? I thought there was a policy here to put "the" before the name of a ship, with a few exceptions like Home One and Slave One. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****Besides, I see "the Reprisal" used a lot. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:19, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******A check of Allegiance shows it is "The Reprisal". For future reference, it does matter and we follow canon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Context on Mara Jade needed in the body.
 * 50) **How much more do I need? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Your first mention just says "Mara Jade". Throw in a few adjectives or something to give us context; the reader might not know who that is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Will do. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * "The colonel's reasoning was that agents could easily end up somewhere during a military strike and be killed." You switch from Mara being a lone agent to "agents". While I do know the storyline behind this, it's not clear in the article.
 * 55) **The colonel specifically said that agents die all the time. Not my wording, but his. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ***It's still not clear and you could still mention her ISB colleagues that she picked up to clarify it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Well, I suppose I could clarify by adding "Imperial agents, such as the Emperor's Hand, could easily..." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * No context on Gillia.
 * 60) **There's really nothing else I can write about it without going into too much detail on the Hand of Judgment. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ***A few words is all I'm asking. You can't just introduce a planet name, character, or ship without giving some descriptor. Case in point: The light freighter Millennium Falcon vs. Millennium Falcon. The first is a better way of wording it and provides basic context. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Is there a real need to harp on his stupidity twice in the same line in P&T?
 * 64) **Which line? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) ***"Kendal Ozzel was considered . . . stupid." and "Darth Vader considered Ozzel . . . stupid." It's the same thing and it's redundant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) * "He was a disciplinarian, and every detail had to be perfect." Not very clear and contradictory in light of lax nature of stormtrooper discipline.
 * 68) **Fact File says he was a disciplinarian and every detail had to be perfect, and Allegiance says he let off-duty soldiers walk around without their armor. Can't change that; sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Then you'll need to come up with an acceptable way of phrasing it or make a note of the contradiction in BtS, but regardless, it needs to be addressed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * More P&T data on the lengths he was willing to go to in order to cover his back from Allegiance would be good.
 * 72) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * You'll need to provide an exact reference on that official site mention.
 * 74) **What mention? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ***"and later made its way to the official website." This is sitting in the BTS without a reference. Please find one and add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ****I'm afraid I can't help you there. That was the biggest issue I had involving referencing. Would a link to the Databank suffice? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) *****No, a Databank link won't suffice. Fair warning: If you don't find that link, this won't be a Featured Article any time soon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) ******I'll just remove it, then. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:17, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) *******Rather, I simply added that the name made its way to the Databank and added a ref. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:54, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) ********Much better. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:08, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 83) *"to increase his standing in the Navy" -- no previous mention is made of the Navy before this, so it's kind of sudden. Please document that he joined the Navy, etc. before talking about his machinations.
 * 84) **I moved it to the P&T section. I think it's better off there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ***The transition is still rather sudden; it talks of how he used the family name to rise through the ranks of the military, and then states that he attended the naval academy. Please revise this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Frankly, I don't think it's sudden. The only way I could possibly fix this is by putting "He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." at the beginning of the next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *****Is this satisfactory? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) *Some mention of what being a "captain of the line" curtailed would be good.
 * 89) **I would add something, but there's no mention of what he did as a Captain of the Line. I could speculate about what he did in that rank based on the Captain of the Line article, but there's really nothing I could use. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) ***Some sort of the explanation would help, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) ****Like I said, there's no record of what he did as a Captain of the Line; speculating on it would not work. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) *****We know he was a Captain of the Line. We know what a captain of the line did. If you want to avoid saying that Ozzel did anything, just include a description of what a genetic Captain of the Line did. If you're careful with the wording, you'll be fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) ******Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:34, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) *The first two sections seem of kind of...skin and bones. Things aren't elaborated enough, and stuff seems thrown in without care to make it fit. Also, "Solo later sighted Ozzel aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched" should be rewritten from Ozzel's point of view, and clarified somewhat.
 * 95) **I'm afraid I don't have Scoundrel's Luck (where the info on Ozzel onboard the Executor in the Black Widow Nebula came from). Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) ***That is unfortunate, but the objection must stand.
 * 97) ****I reworded the sentence in question to be from Ozzel's point-of-view, but I'll need to find someone with Scoundrel's Luck to get all the information. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) *****Info from Scoundrel's Luck added, thanks to help from Jaymach. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) ******I don't know what else to add to this section; as far as I can tell, that's all the info. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * No context on the Millenium Falcon, and Solo is reintroduced in "Ascent" rather suddenly, as if the article assumes readers are already familiar with the source material.
 * 101) **I believe I've taken care of that now. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * Wasn't Mara an Emperor's Hand and not the Emperor's Hand?
 * 103) **Allegiance (and Ozzel) refer to her as the Emperor's Hand if I'm not mistaken, but... done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) ***Fair enough, but Ozzel was speaking out of ignorance. Thanks for changing it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) *" Regardless of the nature of these rumors" -- this doesn't seem right (or "encyclopedic" or whatever). Please remove, reword, or clarify.
 * 106) **Removed "of the nature of these rumors." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) * I haven't read My Brother, My Enemy, but surely the info from it could be expanded. Like a lot of other stuff in the article, it seems to have been thrown in haphazardly without proper explanation.
 * 108) **There's nothing more. He just stands there and says one line. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) ***But, presumably, his ship/the fleet/whatever does a lot more than that one line, and all of that is relevant to Ozzel.
 * 110) ****True. I'll take care of it when I find the comics in my ever-growing pile of comics I finished reading. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:36, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 112) * "In 1 ABY the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord between Vader's fleet commanders. Ozzel took the bait and believed the rumors that said that Vader wanted to replace him with a junior officer" -- this needs to be explained properly. How did the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord?, how exactly did Ozzel "take the bait"?, etc.
 * 113) **Don't have the relevant source. Sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 114) ***You might want to try this site for info. I've often used it in the past for Galaxies info and it is fairly comprehensive. You could also try the Star Wars Galaxies Wiki, which is supposed to be in good shape. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) ****Not finding anything on either site. I searched for "Sow Discord" on both sites, and there's nothing. I'll ask around IRC for info. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:34, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 116) *****Removed on the advice of Darth Culator on IRC. It seems that Ozzel does not appear in Galaxies at all, as the mission "Sow Discord" does not exist. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 117) * "Additionally, Ozzel would publicly criticize Vader." If the info exists, please say when, in what context, to whom, and give any examples of this occurring.
 * 118) **If I recall correctly, it was only briefly mentioned in a Fact File article, without any details. I'll check on that, though. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) * The last paragraph of "Ascent" could be fleshed out a bit, I would think. Also, "Ascent" seems appropriate for only some of the content of the section, as the second half pertains to happenings after his ascent.
 * 120) **I think I may have fixed this when addressing Toprawa and Ralltiir's objection. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 121) *Have you checked the ESB novel, radio, or Marvel adaptations for info? Surely there is some.
 * 122) **I checked the Marvel adapation, but I don't have access to the novel or radio adaptations. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 123) ***I've added info from the radio adaptation/script. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) ****Added a little from the novel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 16:06, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) *****Is anything else from the novel needed? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) *Generally, things -- even things you may not think are all that relevant to Ozzel -- need to be properly explained, contextified, and expanded; the majority of the article, in fact. It's good at the minute, and I applaud you for choosing a relatively major character for your first solo FAN, but it is still not up to FA scratch, IMHO, and still has some ways to go.
 * 127) **Some examples of "things" would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) ***"Things" means objects, people, ships, places, etc that are introduced in the article. Examples are included in several of my above objections. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 129) **More later. Just to note, I won't be very active for the next week at least, so I may be slow to respond to or strike objections. My apologies. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) Toprawa:
 * 131) *You're missing info from the ESB radio drama and RD script. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) **Don't have either. If you could provide a link to the script, that would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:31, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 133) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) ****Anything else, Toprawa? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 135) Missing info from  and, with regards to the Imperial Propaganda about his death and Executor ' s unveiling.. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:36, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) *You wouldn't happen to have both, would you? I'm afraid I don't have those as well. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:08, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 137) **Done. Thanks for the help. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:45, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) Fiolli's Famous Pasta Bowl:
 * 139) *"Ironically, he did not become an admiral due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision." Does the sentence end at disloyalty or at skills with the other part being a separate idea? Please reword and clarify.
 * 140) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 141) *The first paragraph of the biography is only two sentences long. Please merge this with the next or reshuffle the sentences to "beef things up."
 * 142) **Merged. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 143) *"He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." Do we have a name of the academy? Does the Fact File (or any other source) list it as "the finest" or "one of the finest"? If not, this is not neutral in POV.
 * 144) **No name for the academy, and the Fact File does indeed label it as the finest naval academy. Ironically, this same thing was brought up in Atarumaster's objections, and he ended up adding "what was considered the finest naval academy." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink)
 * 145) *Not necessarily an objection, but more of a question: "Ozzel was later aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched. Solo and Chewbacca were captured by the Executor, and Ozzel interrogated Solo onboard the bridge of the Super Star Destroyer about his presence in the nebula." The reference-note that is inserted about Ozzel appearing on condition of the player is good, but is his appearance considered canon?
 * 146) **I'm not quite sure, considering the book is a make-your-own-adventure. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 147) ***Added "It is unknown if this is considered canon" to the reference. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 148) *First paragraph of Ascent: The reference-note states that it is assumed he was present. Does the Adventure Journal say he was present? If his title is incorrect, discuss it in the BtS as a continuity issue and possibly in the main body of the article if it can be properly worked in. For example, "Even though misidentified as the Admiral of&hellip;" if SWAJ can be considered IU.
 * 149) **He's indeed present. I forgot about adding that into the BtS; I make sure to do that when I get the chance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 150) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 151) *Also, the first paragraph of "Ascent" is only one sentence long. Please reorganize this section.
 * 152) **Merged into next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 153) *"Ozzel later oversaw the massacre of "Rebel sympathizers" on the planet, ordered by Imperial Security Bureau Major Drelfin and blamed it on Rebel agitators present in the town." Expand slightly on the massacre, since it wasn't a bombardment from Ozzel's ship; it was a ground operation.
 * 154) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 155) *"When stormtrooper Daric LaRone killed Drelfin in self-defense after confronting him about the killing of civilians on Teardrop, he fled the Reprisal with a group of fellow stormtroopers who witnessed the killing." Please reword. I think I understand what you are trying to say, but it is a bit convoluted.
 * 156) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 157) *"Ozzel and Colonel Somoril mistakenly believed that the subsequent arrival of Emperor's Hand Mara Jade, who at the time was investigating a group of pirates known as the BloodScars in connection to six stolen paintings found in Moff Glovstoak's possession, in Shelsha sector was part of a high-level investigation into the incident, and they conspired in an unsanctioned scheme to kill her after discovering that she had accessed the ship's personnel files, bridge log, and flight log." This needs to be broken up.
 * 158) **Broken up. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 159) *"Regardless, Ozzel was in command of hunting down the Alliance High Command headquarters using whatever devices he deemed necessary." Regardless of what? When starting a new section, the prior should be referenced if possible in transitional clauses.
 * 160) **It was originally "Regardless of the nature of these rumors," the "rumors" part referring to Vader supposedly wanting to replace Ozzel with a junior officer. This was removed after its reference proved to be false; I'll just removed "Regardless." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 161) ***Removed. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 162) *"One of these raids proved to be successful, as Ozzel led Death Squadron alongside Vader from the Executor into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY after Rebel mathematician-turned-brainwashed Imperial agent Jorin Sol attempted to assassinate the Rebel commanders aboard their flagship Rebel One and Imperial Lieutenant Janek Sunber tried to capture Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa to deliver them to Vader." Please break this up.
 * 163) **Broken up. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 164) *"Ozzel publicly criticized Vader while in this position." Was Ozzel aboard Avenger for his remarks, or was merely the fleet in that formation?
 * 165) **A bit of a mistake on my part. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 166) ***Fixed. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 167) *"Following the battle, Ozzel's remains were sent to his homeworld of Cardia, where he was honored at a ceremony at the Corulag Academy." The Corulag Academy is on Corulag and not Cardia. Perhaps the SWAJs are not that accurate in their information. Mention this in the continuity issues of the BtS as well.
 * 168) **No, the AJs say "Corulag," and explicitly state that its his homeworld. This obviously contradicts what we already know from the Databank. Is the Databank the only source to establish his homeworld as Carida? I dunno what you want to do, Tranner. Perhaps you could make the bit in the biography more ambigious, just stating it was taken to the academy on his homeworld? And a BtS note obviously. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:54, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 169) ***I'll go with your suggestion, Ackbar. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 170) ****Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 171) *"Kendal Ozzel was considered inept, disloyal, easily manipulated, and stupid,&hellip;" By whom? Add then end the sentence there and begin the next sentence with something such as "These traits made many wonder&hellip;."
 * 172) **Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 173) *The quote at the head of the P&T suggests he is predictable. Add this somewhere into this section.
 * 174) **Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 175) *Some additional thoughts:
 * 176) **I would do a double-check through the article and make certain you have a good rotation of sentence subject alternatives. (ie. "Ozzel&hellip;," "He&hellip;," "The Admiral&hellip;," etc.) I tried to balance it a bit, but keep an eye out for it.
 * 177) ***I think it's pretty good. Let me know if you think otherwise. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 178) **Lastly, be careful of run-on sentences.
 * 179) ***I don't think I have any run-on sentences in there anymore, but I could be wrong. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 180) *Keep up the hard work, Tranner, and this will become an FA.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:05, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 181) **Thanks! Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "However, the depiction of Vader's recovery here contradicts that shown in Star Wars Empire 14: The Savage Heart." - Vader: The Ultimate Guide has the Scoundrel's Luck events take place right after Vader is picked up from Vaal (in fact, Sodarra from SL is the one who recovers him from Vaal), so I don't think this is true. - Lord Hydronium 21:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wasn't aware of that. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:27, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wait, it still contradicts Ozzel's command of the Reprisal at this time. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:30, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that part's fine to mention, but Vader's recovery isn't contradictory, is what I'm saying. Or at least not between those two sources. - Lord Hydronium 23:02, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * So I only have to remove that one line then, right? No problem. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:23, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Just a note to all those with objections needing to be addressed: I'm busy all week helping teach at a guitar camp for 6 to 8-year-olds, so please be patient. I'll do my best to satisfy all objections as soon as I get a chance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If anyone has access to the ESB novel, Scoundrel's Luck, or Star Wars Galaxies Rebel mission "Sow Discord", I'd appreciate some help with getting info from the three sources. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You should ask around in IRC and see if anyone can help you out or point you toward the sources online. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Listen, I don't want to sound annoying, but I really need some more Inqs to review this article. I'd also greatly appreciate help with info from Scoundrel's Luck and Galaxies. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Montross

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The voice of Clancy Brown compels you.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:42, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Very Crowded Desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "When a young boy called Jango Fett joined the Mandalorians and became like a son to Mereel, Montross grew enraged at Mereel's favoritism and contemptuous of Fett." This sentence just reads awkwardly to me.
 * 3) * You use "supposedly" twice in the first sentence of the second paragraph.
 * 4) * "When they arrived, the resistance proved not to be minimal." Too corny, IMO.
 * 5) * How did Sebolto kill himself?
 * 6) * You start two consecutive sentences with "as" in the same paragraph.
 * 7) *Mandos were better before Traviss.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:02, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Resolved all of those. Except Traviss. :P - Lord Hydronium 10:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 10) * "Montross shooting down stragglers as they retreated" Clarify whose stragglers are being shot here.
 * 11) * "Fett led them to the closest town to his family's farm, where the Mandalorians expected Vizsla to go to resupply;" Reword/clarify.
 * 12) * "Mereel followed and ordered Montross to abort his run and do the same." Followed where?
 * 13) * "Upon arriving, though, they were ambushed by the Death Watch, who had in fact hired the Mandalorians to lure them into a trap. " Clarify Death Watch involvement, please.
 * 14) * "Montross had personal contempt of Fett, considering him a child and believing him to be a coward, but as an opportunist, he also believed that Mereel's attachment would interfere with his picking of a successor." Reword/Clarify.
 * 15) *Fascinating BTS. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:43, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **All resolved. - Lord Hydronium 02:33, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 18) * "becoming like a son to Mereel" &mdash; this reads a bit awkwardly; please revise.
 * 19) * "who told the true story of Mereel's death" &mdash; to whom? This could be clarified some.
 * 20) * The intro says that Montross killed Rozatta, but this is not made clear in the bio &mdash; it merely says that he told Fett she was still alive.
 * 21) * "However, Montross was a coward" &mdash; fairly blatant POV. Please state who thought him to be a coward, or, if that info doesn't exist, reword it to be a bit milder.
 * 22) * "Fett considered Montross to be the hardest opponent he had ever faced" &mdash; I think Mace Windu might have changed Fett's opinion on the matter. I would suggest adding an "as of 27 BBY" or something to the end of the sentence.
 * 23) *What's the holdup on the images? I'd rather they were added before this is passed.
 * 24) **Good work. Very interesting character and BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:10, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Images are coming. The infobox image will get replaced with a headshot when that happens, too. - Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Zaerdra

 * Nominated by: Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And to think I said to myself "no more character FAs" only yesterday..

(6 Inqs/2 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 00:20, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:47, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Keep that speculation out, though.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:26, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:22, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( You're all clear kid! )( Now let's blow this thing and go home! [[Image:Revanchist Sith.svg|20px]] 02:02, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Fine dance around out-right speculation of her death.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:52, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 22:37, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) This is a minor problem but the "100% lightside" tab blocks the other picture. It looks sloppy in my opinion. If thats resolved then I'll vote for it.  NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:03, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Preliminaries: After some attempts to clean up the intro myself, I still find it lacking in comprehension. Please revisit, adding context where necessary. Frankly, I can say the same for the bio.  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:06, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *I'm not certain if you mean "comprehension" or "comprehensiveness", but in any case, the article has been revisited with an eye for correcting both.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:34, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **COMPREHENSION "2 a: the act or process of comprising b: the faculty or capability of including : comprehensiveness" – From Webster's Dictionary. Graestan ( Talk ) 21:48, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Grass clippings:
 * 6) * "A devoted member and ward of Thek" is a bit redundant, after the previous sentences.
 * 7) **Hmm, thought that'd been fixed earlier. Oh well, it's remedied now.
 * 8) * Lightfight?
 * 9) **It's like saying "firefight" -- it's an in-universe term that could probably use its own article, which I'd be happy to create if requested have now created and linked to.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:40, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) I actually have a problem with the death speculation. Like I did with Gwellib Ap-Llewff, I'd like to see you remove the speculation but still mention the bombardment, and let readers put 2 and 2 together. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:44, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *Death speculation removed, but per your suggestion, info about the bombardment and its scope was kept.
 * 13) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 14) * First sentence of Mandalorian invasion - I think that you should set up the fact that Zaerdra was a Hidden Bek and her relationship to Thek before mentioning the Mandalorian invasion.
 * 15) **Reworded.
 * 16) * I think a link to the Padawan massacre needs to be included when setting up the introduction of Zayne Carrick. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:57, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Link added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:17, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) One more thing: Something about her unusual appearance and distinctive garb in the P&T would be helpful.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:30, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:51, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **"Oddly colored for a Twi'lek" is OR. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:30, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 22) * "ever got into her stuff again." Reword for formality; particularly important in the intro.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * "This forced Thek to apologize for her abrupt behavior on a number of occasions, including when Thek" Clarify.
 * 25) **Reworded.
 * 26) * Two sentences with identical syntax at the end of P&T could use a little variety.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * Is there a reason Sith Empire is pipelinked, but Sith isn't linked at all?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) *That's all. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thank you, but it's time for sleep...zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz... Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:45, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Toprawa:
 * 33) *This description doesn't apply well to what you have written here. You write that she met these people with hostility, but that Thek tells her he can still defend himself...these are ideas are not connected by anything. Did she treat them poorly to protect Thek? Clean this up, please: "she greeted the amnesiac former Dark Lord of the Sith Revan, accompanied by Republic officer Carth Onasi, with open hostility. This outburst forced Thek to apologize to his guests and to remind Zaerdra that he could still take care of himself."
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) *Can we link a battle to this at all? If not, please create a red link: "When the Mandalorians laid siege and eventually invaded the strategically-located planet"
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) *What meeting place? Context needed for the significance of this, please: "were flown to the meeting place, where Sowrs and her own resistance group were."
 * 38) **Addressed.
 * 39) *Firing from the surface? So where are they, on top of a building? Flying through the sky? You should revisit this paragraph as a whole and add greater detail: "a group of Mandalorian Neo-Crusaders firing at them from the surface."
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) *To be quite honest, I'm lost at this point as to what the lines of battle are here. Are the Beks friends with the Constable and her forces? It seems like they are, but then three sentences later they're "confronting" each other. Again, greater background detail needed throughout this paragraph. Please revisit: "After a confrontation between the Beks and members of the Constable's resistance movement"
 * 42) **Addressed.
 * 43) **Additionally, as an addendum to the two previous objections, a lot of this seems very periphery to what Zaerdra is doing. She seems lost among what the group is doing collectively, with only minimal mention of her throughout this paragraph. Please go back and do what you can to better present everything from Zaerdra's role, not the group's.
 * 44) ***Well, she is in a gang.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *Per our quote precedent, your section section quote should not be in quote format
 * 46) **Addressed.
 * 47) *Please consider this phase 1 as I go through this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:25, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) **My circuits are a-buzz with anticipation of your next round of objections.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Normally, such a speculation about a character's death would be verboten, but seeing as it was likely a result of the bombardment of Taris, it wouldn't seem too out-of-place. 1,103 words by last count.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The article itself is fine, but I'm a touch concerned about the illustration. You've got one image from the comics, but in the section about the game events, which is a touch confusing. Furthermore, the comic image doesn't really illustrate anything...it's just Zaedra, Weaver-style. I think that a better image can be culled from the comics and placed in the relevant section, and then perhaps another screenshot from the game could be placed in that relevant section. Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Kas'im

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 15:20, 29 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Enter the Blademaster. You can keep your Cin Dralligs and your Raskta Lsus for all I care! My first contribution from WP:NSW.

(6 Inqs/0 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) ''I am satisfied.  —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:06, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Very cool character.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:25, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:00, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) If that is all that can is available for the BtS, than I'm ok with it :) I'm sure if anything comes up, then Xadun will add any info as necessary.  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:06, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose


 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Eliminate any overlinking. One in the intro, one in the article body.
 * 3) **I believe no links are replicated now.
 * 4) * I changed this for you, but Kaan's Sith were dignified as Dark Lords, as opposed to just "Sith Lords/Masters".
 * 5) **I didn't recall seeing this. I remember all 'Masters' were granted the title of 'Lord' but didn't realize it was 'Dark Lord'. Thank's for altering it.
 * 6) * The "Brotherhood of Darkness" section is nine paragraphs long. You may want to combine a few, or create a new section under which some can fall. Your call.
 * 7) **I've pulled a few together - Kas'im's recruitment to the Brotherhood and how he trained apprentices, Bane's approach and training, and the events that occured during Kas'im's brief time on Ruusan.
 * 8) *** Good job on the condensation, but I would still break it into two sections. It just looks abnormally long as it is.
 * 9) * In the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, you say, "The students were each given training sabers that secreted a non-fatal venom when they struck an opponent, resulting in the wielder feeling extreme pain but would recover." The weapon didn't secrete the poison&hellip;
 * 10) **Damn. I meant to alter the references to the training sabers before placing my edit. It should read much better now.
 * 11) * With that said, there is more to be described about the effects of the Sith training saber, such as the sensation caused by the "venom" was supposed to simulate what?
 * 12) **see above ;)
 * 13) * Same section/paragraph, you use non-fatal twice consecutively.
 * 14) **Thanks to the ealier edit for the training sabers, this is now removed.
 * 15) * Same section/paragraph, you introduce Sirak, but only as the apprentice allowed to use the double-bladed saber. Give a little more context as to who Sirak was, with regards to the school.
 * 16) **Didn't want to go off on too much of a tangent about someone other than Kas'im. Expanded per request.
 * 17) ***You got that.
 * 18) * Same section, next paragraph, you say, "Bane, sensing this lack of favor, challenged the strongest apprentice at the Academy, Sirak, in a bid to regain his standing. His rapid and abrupt defeat only confirmed Qordis' views to Kas'im." The bit about Sirak being the strongest apprentice should be made at his first mention.
 * 19) **Changed.
 * 20) * For the objection above, you go from talking about Bane challenging Sirak immediately to his "rapid and abrupt" defeat. Just a sentence is necessary in between those, regarding how Bane was rapidly defeated.
 * 21) **Added.
 * 22) ***Very good.
 * 23) * Also, I think that "Dark Lord" should be used in place of "Sith Lord", especially since the book referred to them specifically as Dark Lords most often. (Minor)
 * 24) **'Dark Lord' is referenced to many Sith when used by Kas'im, not just those in the Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 25) ***I changed this already, no worries.
 * 26) * You reference the "Army of Light" in the seventh paragraph of the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, yet you offer no explanation as to whose command they were under.
 * 27) **I've expanded this part. Please see if you think it need more.
 * 28) ***I cleaned it up a bit, so it should read better now.
 * 29) * On that note, I think that the "Army of Light" should be first referenced when you first speak of Lord Hoth. This is who the Brotherhood was fighting with, after all.
 * 30) **I though it was there. I only mention Hoth at the above point and in the intro.
 * 31) ***My fault.
 * 32) * Early in the "Death" section, you say, "But Bane now held no respect for Kaan or the Brotherhood, believing his Rule of Two would restore the Sith to glory through secrecy and cunning." This needs to be first reworded, so that it doesn't begin with "but", and Bane's idea of the Rule of Two should be touched on a tad more.
 * 33) **Sentence adapted to include a brief description of the RoT.
 * 34) * "Death" section needs a new heading. Something less lackluster.
 * 35) ** It's now entitled "The Final Duel". I felt that was more appropriate.
 * 36) * Last sentence of "Death" section, you say, "However, he was unable to shield the stone arch surrounding him, and Kas'im was crushed beneath the stone." What happened to the stone that caused it to fall on Kas'im?
 * 37) **Altered to read: However, the power Bane unleashed covered so great an area that it shook the entire temple and smashed the archway surrounding Kas'im, who was crushed beneath the stone.
 * 38) * Finish with these, and we will go through more. Very good, Xadún. Kinda reminds me of the beginning of this comic. Lets see how you do;) —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for reviewing! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:55, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 41) * Is "Leader of the Brotherhood" a proper noun? (Intro)
 * 42) **Hmm. not how I left that. Altered.
 * 43) ***Still there, actually.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ****Bah. missed it. is definately gone now.
 * 45) * "led by the Jedi Master and Lord: Hoth." Reword this. (Intro)
 * 46) **And that's different too. Altered.
 * 47) * the Master and student fought a vicious duel, in which Kas'im was subsequently killed." Reword this as well; also, check your capitalization of "Master". Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sith Master is capitalized . . . ."master" is not. Also, check on canonical use of Blademaster. I'm pretty sure Blademaster Kas'im would be capitalized but not Blademaster by itself.
 * 48) **Capitalized Blademaster is canon as it is a title. I have been told that Master is likewise.
 * 49) ***Fair enough; but the wording is still a little off on the sentence. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Now reads "After an intense confrontation where Bane bluntly refused to rejoin the Brotherhood, the Master and student fought a vicious duel that resulted in the death of Kas'im."
 * 51) * "The Twi'lek set about training every apprentice with the lightsaber," Reword this please.
 * 52) ** Now reads "The Twi'lek undertook the task of training every apprentice with the lightsaber".
 * 53) * Context on Githany.
 * 54) **Added.
 * 55) ***I've noticed this is unstruck - would you like more?
 * 56) ****No, it's fine. I just missed striking it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:32, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Bane became enraged, thrusting out with the Force, repelling his opponent mid-leap, and proceeded to throttle the Makurth with the Force, until he died." Restructure this please. The multiple clauses don't read well-the wording is fine, but the structure isn't.
 * 58) **I've broken this sentence down.
 * 59) * "knowing that Qordis would not allow the failed apprentice into favor again. " Same here; this isn't very clear.
 * 60) **Now reads "The Twi'lek was highly sceptical of Bane's intentions, but used the excuse of Qordis’ orders to initially refuse the plea.".
 * 61) ***Much better, but expect someone to go back over this and change all the Anglo spellings (i.e. sceptical --> skeptical and duelling --> dueling).
 * 62) ****Curses. Every time I adapt to one American spelling, I discover new ones! Thank you for alterering these.
 * 63) * "His warrior nature and hunter's instincts, that had been controllable while far from the war, began to take over Kas'im's senses, and training and sparring with the other Sith did little to curb his aggression. Kaan began to feel that Kas'im's nature made him unpredictable, and could inspire others to act on their discontent, resulting in an insurgence against him." Reword these two. In particular, "that had been controllable" needs some touch-up, and "insurgence" is not a great word choice.
 * 64) **Has become "Kaan began to fear that the agitation Kas'im was feeling could spread, causing a rebellion within the Sith and the Brotherhood would dissolve through the in-fighting that would ensue."
 * 65) * I think the article before the duel could be touched up; I seem to recall Kas'im having more dialogue with Bane than what's depicted in the article.
 * 66) **The pair actually say very little before fighting - Kas'im knows Bane's stubbornness means he will not be swayed to rejoin the Brotherhood. But I've expanded it a little more, such as i could.
 * 67) * " the power Bane unleashed covered so great an area that it shook the entire temple and smashed the archway surrounding Kas'im, who was crushed beneath the stone." Some flowery prose here.
 * 68) **Simplified.
 * 69) * "Kas'im had trained Bane, the apprentice who would proclaim himself Darth Bane and eradicate the Brotherhood of Darkness and re-model the Sith under the Rule of Two." Reword this please; the tense is awkward and Bane had already proclaimed himself "Darth Bane" as this point.
 * 70) **Altered.
 * 71) * "sparring with others did little to slake his bloodlust, such was his desire to feel real challenges to his skill." Some flowery prose here.
 * 72) **Simplified.
 * 73) * "convinced in the hierarchal structure of the Brotherhood," This is somewhat contradictory with the equality principle. Please clarify.
 * 74) **Poor description on my part. Now reads "He was convinced in the “united” structure of the Brotherhood, but recognised the necessity of leaders within the Academy, saying it "avoided complications" if the other masters on Korriban deferred to Qordis, who in turn responded to Kaan."
 * 75) * "Kas'im's greatest skill was his unparalleled swordsmanship." POV/OR.
 * 76) ** Now reads "Kas'im's strongest skill was his swordsmanship with the lightsaber."
 * 77) * "but because of the unfamiliar nature it possessed against an opponent as he once" Reword; doesn't read well.
 * 78) ** Sentence ended at "opponent" and cut rest of sentence.
 * 79) * "Kas'im's level of proficiency in lightsaber combat so high that he is often considered the greatest swordsman of his age, and possibly one of the greatest ever to have lived." Number of issues with this; tense, awkward wording, POV
 * 80) *Tense and wording corrected. But he is canonically described in Path of Destruction as being "possibly the greatest swordesman ever".
 * 81) * Second sentence in BtS is OR unless sourced. I mean, did Karpyshyn say that was his purpose in introducing Kas'im? Ditto with the third sentence, which also has tense problems.
 * 82) **Both sentences removed.
 * 83) * "His lightsaber itself was a unique construction like all lightsabers, but was able to be disconnected in the centre, changing a formally double-bladed lightsaber into a pair of single blades." Wording issues, and it's center in American English.
 * 84) **Altered and Americanized for your reading pleasure!!
 * 85) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:24, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) From a Bane fan:
 * 87) * "...who had assumed the antiquated Darth title." I wouldn't say this is necessary. If you want to keep it, it needs context onw hy it's antiquated, which just gets unwieldy IMO.
 * 88) **Recommissioned to the Bio battalion.
 * 89) * "but the Blademaster thought that Bane, although powerful in the Force, was now refusing to embrace the dark side" I believe you've already established that he was scared of its power and backed away from the dark side.
 * 90) **Now marches to the sound of "but the Blademaster thought that Bane had lost his strength and will to fight."
 * 91) *Good article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:54, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) **The inspection has been reviewed, Commander. Thanks for reviewing! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:05, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 94) * Any chance of some images for the article? I know there are none of Kas'im, but what about images of Bane, or Korriban, or the temple on Lehon, etc, just to give the article some colour? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:18, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 95) **I've shalotted images of the Korriban Academy, Bane and the Temple of the Ancients... Although there is a lasting annoyance at the absence of a Kas'im pic. Bah. Still, Thanks for looking, Cav. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:42, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) Toprawa:
 * 97) * A few preliminaries I notice: I'd like to see the "Known apprentices" infobox field listed by alphabetical order, unless this is presented in chronological succession
 * 98) **Now reads A-Z.
 * 99) * It seems to me that your succession box should be sourced, assuming that not all of that information comes from the one source in which this guy appears. If they are all in this source, please disregard. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:01, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) **All of this succession box is from the timeline assumed by Darth Bane: Path of Destruction - Kas'im is not present in Jedi vs Sith.
 * 101) ***Even though Kas'im himself is not present in JvS, it would still be pertinent to source any information that may come from other sources, which seems to be the case here.
 * 102) ****The box is now sourced, and as there is now 2 sources, the whole article has been sourced.
 * 103) *****That would have been my next objection. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:16, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) *There really should be a specific article for this duel, in accordance with all of our other duel articles. If yuo can't link something, please create an article, since we don't allow red links in the intro: "Kas'im killed his Master in a duel."
 * 105) *Ditto, please link that article here: "Kas'im engaged him in a duel"
 * 106) ** The problem with these two objections is the location of the duel is never given. So unless you want "Duel in the Unknown Location" cropping up, I can't create this article.
 * 107) * When you are referring to the Rakatan Temple at the end of the article, you begin alternating between "Temple" and "temple." I don't care which you use, but stick with one for consistency.
 * 108) **All now conformed to "Temple".
 * 109) * This doesn't tell me anything without an understanding of what JarKai is: "and utilized Jar'Kai against his unsuspecting opponent."
 * 110) **Clarified.
 * 111) * Can't we link anything to this? "a huge shockwave of dark side energy"
 * 112) **Linked to Force Wave.
 * 113) * Given the way this is capitalized, it seems like something should appropriately link here: "Bane embraced this for his New Order"
 * 114) **Gah - meant to do that. linked to Order of the Sith Lords.
 * 115) * I would like to see this expounded on. Can we describe what they looked like, etc? "Kas'im also sported several tattoos across his chest."
 * 116) **Frankly, Toprawa, so would I. That's the only description PoD gives, and as far as I am aware, Kas'im appears in no other works at present.
 * 117) * Please see what you can do to add to this in any way, shape or form, if only to avoid the one-sentence paragraph: "Kas'im could shield himself using the Force to protect from Force Powers, and was able to utilize telekinesis."
 * 118) **This paragraph has been re-worded and expanded.
 * 119) **Not an objection, but please refrain from ending your quote attribution lines in full stops. Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:01, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 120) ***Any particular reason?
 * 121) ****Quote attribution lines are not sentences, and shouldn't be punctuated as such. Image captions really shouldn't either, per Wikia style, though we typically do with that. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) *****Alright. The quote attribution lines are now altered.
 * 123) *Thanks for reviewing Toprawa. I'll be getting ready for round 2. And 3. and 4.... ;) Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:00, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) **Sure. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) Grae's preliminaries:
 * 126) * The succession box contains information not provided by Path of Destruction, and therefore needs to be sourced.
 * 127) **Info now sourced - The whole article is now sourced also due to sourcing guidelines.
 * 128) * Per Manual of Style, "master" should not be capitalized except when used as a rank or title, and not thus: "his Master." Please change such instances.
 * 129) **Incorrect instances have be de-capitalized.
 * 130) * The BtS is so extremely bare-bones, I cannot believe there is not more than can be added. Scour the internet!
 * 131) * Graestan ( Talk ) 01:55, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) Per Grae, with regards to the BtS. Wasn't it mentioned in the book Path of Destruction that Kas'im was a master of Vaapad, which makes that a continuity error? If so, then that would be prime real estate for the BtS. If I'm mistaken, since it's been a while since I've read it, then just disregard that :P  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:50, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 133) *Interestingly, no. Sirak is mentioned to use Vaapad (instead of Juyo) and since since he was trained by Kas'im it could be taken thusly, but all refences to Kas'im just say he's mastered all 7 styles. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 16:54, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Nice use of the word "throttle". —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Gorgon

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:
 * "Nothing larger than a Star Galleon, but it's a start."--Gilad Pellaeon
 * "We're going to need more than just a start, Captain."--Grand Admiral Thrawn

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:20, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:21, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) No BtS. I'm seeing an awful lot of sentences starting with "the Gorgon" in the first few paragraphs. Also, I would've though there'd be at least info -- probably stats -- in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook. Succession box is unsourced. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:10, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *BTS created and sourced. Succession box sourced. Also, the Gorgon is its name, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see the article's name at the beginning of the first paragraphs too. I don't have the Jedi Academy Sourcebook so I can't verify whether or not there are any stats.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **It did kinda occur to me that "the Gorgon" is its name; but, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see that the first sentences of the main body don't practically all start with the same thing. Jedi Academy sourcebook objection still stands; you really shouldn't nominate articles which have such a major source that hasn't been checked. Also, "Return to the Maw and death" is kind of a strange title since it's can't and doesn't die. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:53, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Perhaps "death" is a bit dramatic for a ship. Removed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 10:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****My objections are below, but I thought that I would mention that the JASB has no individual stats for the Gorgon. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *There are less Gorgon mentions in the first few paragraphs. And I suppose that Cavalier One's comments should be taken into account.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Struck most of my objection, but I checked the JAS myself and there's still plenty of info missing there, including a crew size which appears to contradict what is currently in the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:58, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Well, I'm not sure if the JASs canonicty supercedes the novel itself. Besides I don't have it, so unless someone wants to help, your objection might be here a while...-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 10) * Regarding the infobox - are the exact model of weapons correct and attributable to a source? While I normally wouldn't point something like this out on a ship article, bear in mind that it was isolated for over a decade, and may have had earlier model weapons fitted.
 * 11) **Those are the earliest models for an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. There are no earlier models for the time that the Gorgon was constructed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Are you sure the Edict is a Gamma-class shuttle? It's own article says it is of an unknown class.
 * 13) **I can't account for the Edicts article, but it is mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * In the intro, you mention that the Gorgon was constructed at Kuat. While a reasonable supposition, is there direct evidence it was manufactured there?
 * 15) **Mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Under Specifications, you mention that The Gorgon was very unusual in that it possessed a complement of starfighters and assault craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement. While this may be true for the support craft, the starfighter complement of the vessel is a standard six squadrons. Unless you are refering to the models of starfighters used, which then needs to be made clearer.
 * 17) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * First paragraph of Construction and Deployment is unreffed.
 * 19) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Mention why Doole's fleet was near the Maw when the Gorgon exits for the first time.
 * 21) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * The captain of the corvette that Daala captures is named in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook as T'nun Bdu. This should be linked to.
 * 23) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Explain how Ackbar used the Startide to destroy the Manticore.
 * 25) **Already done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Perhaps I should have been clearer - how did Ackbar gain control of the Startide? Was there any crew on board? I know the answers, but it should be made clear what the state of the Startide was and what Ackbar had to do to make it crash. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Considering Daala didn't know herself, and this isn't about the Startide I think that's straying too far away from the Gorgon's story isn't it?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *****Context is important, and whether or not Daala knew what had happened is irrelevant since this is an encyclopaedic article written from a neutral point of view. A small reference to how Ackbar used remote control to take command of the half-completed vessel and direct it towards the Star Destroyer is not a lot to add, really. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ******Hmm, I suppose not; I guess I simply assumed that if you were willing to make an objection over it, you would want something more substantial (which would distract from both Daala and, essentially, the Gorgon's story). Anyway, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * From the Jedi Academy Sourcebook - mention needs to be made that the crew was comprised of individuals with little or no ties to the outside galaxy so they would not be missed. Also, the crews are bored and angry after so long in isolation. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **It's mentioned in the second History paragraph.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***No, it isn't. You mention that the Maw installation was isolated from outside contact, but not that the selection of the crew was based on their ties to the outside galaxy. The fact that the crew was bored after ten years in isolation is also not mentioned. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) The succession box says preceded by "none" and cites Jedi Search. Does Jedi Search establish that it was Daala's first flagship, or is it an assumption based on the lack of a previous flagship existing in canon? If it's the latter, please change to "unknown" or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:50, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *It is Daala's first command, so that would mean that it was her first ship. Plus, she had been a weather woman and cook for like five years. It's all in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:08, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 37) * Just a little thing I missed first time around - the identities of the prisoners (Solo, Chewie and Kyp) should be revealed when they were first brought aboard the Gorgon, as well as the fact that they had escaped from Kessel. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 40) * (Intro) Seeming contradiction-how can Gorgon be one of the best ISDs in the fleet if they haven't had contact with other people for ten years?
 * 41) **Lack of contact has no bearing on the quality of a ship's condition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ***Then you need to state that that description is someone's opinion instead of explicit fact. That's POV and/or Original Research. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) *This is somewhat nitpicking, but you can't say for sure that they were XX-9s if you're reffing from Jedi Search. That's original research.
 * 45) **Only the numbers are from Jedi Search. I assumed there was a consistency among Star Destroyer weapon models. I've removed the exact types of weapons.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * I'd like a reference to a standard Star Destroyer's configuration. Is that ISD-I or ISD-II?
 * 47) **Um, I'm not sure what your asking for, but the Gorgon is an ISD-I.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***You'll need a reference to what a "standard config" is, unless it's stated in Jedi Search what the standard config is, or that Gorgon is at less than standard config. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ****I apologize, I thought I had already reffed that section, hence the confusion. Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * Jedi Search indicates that Gorgon has less than a standard crew at some point during the Maw Installation; you can't say it has 45,000 crew if you're reffing from Jedi Search. It's said to have a skeleton crew.
 * 51) **I hardly call 45,000 a skeleton crew.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ***If you look closely at Jedi Search, Daala says the normal complement of crew on an ISD was 45,000. In the very next sentence, she states that the Gorgon is running at less than full complement. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) ****Well then the book contradicts itself, because earlier Daala remarks that between her four ISDs, she has 180,000 men at her command. That seems standard to me.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) *****In that case, a BTS note should be made of the contradiction. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ******Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * What is a "ragged shuttle"? Reword.
 * 57) **A ragged shuttle is one that is torn up; severely damaged, etc.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) ***Find me one direct quote from canon that uses that adjective for that purpose and I will strike this. Otherwise, reword it please, because ships don't come in "ragged" condition. Metal can't be "ragged".  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * "Dumbstruck by the news, Daala decided that since Tarkin was dead, his mandate thus nullified, the only thing she could do would be to fight her own guerilla war against the New Republic." Run-on.
 * 60) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * "seemingly fool-proof" is a little POVish. Reword please.
 * 62) **In the book they use even more severe modifiers. Seemingly fool-proof is nothing compared to "invincible", etc. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like those either. And it did seem fool-proof to Daala, and everyone else. I'm just stating facts, it's not POV.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) ***Then state that Daala considered it fool-proof, not that it was fool-proof. That's the difference between POV and NPOV. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) ****Oops. Disregard my last comment, I thought you were referring to the Sun Crusher. It's fixed now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) * I know this isn't your fault, but there's some confusion with Mon Calamari vs. Dac.
 * 66) **So...what do you want me to do?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Pipelinking is the easiest fix IMO. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Wait, do you want me to replace all mentions of Dac with Mon Calamari?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) *****As far as I'm concerned, simply being consistent and picking one will work. I don't want to see both "Dac" and "Mon Calamari" (in reference to the planet), though. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ******Both mentions of Mon Calamari are reffering to the species. First to the cities ("the floating cities of the Mon Calamari") and then to the code Ackbar uses to take control of the Startide ("using a Mon Calamari code"). Everything is consistent.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * Spell out New Republic Defense Force and Mon Calamari.
 * 72) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * "Her first real defeat" . . . eh, Daala regarded the loss of the Hydra as a defeat as well IIRC.
 * 74) **Hence first real defeat as opposed to first defeat.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ***In that case, what is a "real" defeat? How is her first defeat not a "real defeat"? Regardless of how you define it, it's still confusing and needs reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ****I changed "real" to "major". I hope that's acceptable.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) * "and the Durron had already set up a supernova in the nebula." Reword.
 * 78) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) * "to make an emergency hyperspace jump to any point." Reword; the last part is a bit vague.
 * 80) **Vagueness excised.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) * "But it was too late, as the burst of energy radiated out from the supernova explosion the Gorgon barely made it out of the nebula, while the Basilisk was not so lucky, and was incinerated." Reword, stilted wording.
 * 82) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) * "and that too many good men had died because of her selfish actions." POV.
 * 84) **Daala's own words.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ***Which are explicitly POV. This needs reworded; you can say it's from Daala's POV, but you cannot say that people were "good men" explicitly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:33, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) From the planet-slagging flagship of Chack Jadson:
 * 89) * "Gorgon would prove to be the Installation's bane." I don't like this wording.
 * 90) **Corrected.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) * "It was a powerful vessel". POV, and doesn't flow with the next sentence.
 * 92) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) * "The Gorgon was unusual in that it possessed a complement of assault and support craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement." Again, I think this could be worded a little better.
 * 94) **Reworded.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 95) * In the first quote in History, are you sure it's accurate. Not "the" Maw Installation?
 * 96) **Yes.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:23, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 97) * "The Gorgon was constructed over Kuat by Kuat Drive Yards and was commissioned by Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin. The Gorgon was constructed alongside three other Imperial Star Destroyers: the Hydra, the Basilisk, and the Manticore." I'd like these sentences to flow better.
 * 98) **Reworded.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) * "which had been created by Tarkin himself." Obviously, Tarkin didn't create the plan, just the tactic, but that's not the impression I get. Please rephrase.
 * 100) **Rephrased.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 101) * "in her opinion too many good men had died because of her selfish actions." Could use better phrasing and positioning in the sentence.
 * 102) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 103) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:31, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Demetrius Zaarin

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:21, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally got around to finishing it. Don't click the links if you don't want to be disappointed.

(2 Inq/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 2) * Sparring with the alien Grand Admiral: First paragraph had the Rahmat destroyed twice. Should the second be the Strident?
 * 3) **Not sure that the Stridents destruction is an objective, so I've just left it as the convoy being captured.
 * 4) * How about another quote in there somewhere? Something from the Strategy Guide maybe. A spoken version of the lead quote wouldn't go amiss either. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:57, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Got another quote in there from the Strategy Guide. I'll try and get the spoken quote later. Thefourdotelipsis 01:57, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Turns out the file's already on the site. A little longer than the quote, but I'll leave you to trim it. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) I don't get the stuff about his rank. He's a Grand Admiral, then an admiral. Some clarification would be nice. My apologies if I missed it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:43, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *I've tried to explain this in the BTS; he's a Grand Admiral, but since he launches a coup, he can't actually hold that rank anymore, since he's not a part of the circle of 12. However, IU, he's never referred to as "Grand Admiral," just "Admiral." So, post coup, he'd just be "Admiral." Thefourdotelipsis 01:40, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **That's what I figured from the BTS and the article. Thanks!  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 11) *" Died: 4 ABY (38)." This 38 is before reSyncronization, right? A "brS" should probably be stuck in there with a link for people who don't know what the number means (e.g. most people :-P) so's they don't think it's his age or anything.
 * 12) **Added.
 * 13) ***And I've taken it back out again. 4 ABY is after the Great ReSynchronization so BrS is not applicable. Dates after that don't have any trailing characters. Green Tentacle (Talk) 11:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Ah. Sorry about that. Seems odd it isn't ArS or something (though maybe they avoided that acronym for a reason). I've pipelinked the number to Great ReSynchronization. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * The intro implies that his traitorous thoughts began to form after the Habeen incident, while the bio differs. A slight change to that sentence in the intro should sort it; e.g. "at some point in his career, he had become..." or some such, assuming the order in the bio is correct.
 * 16) **Weaseled out of. :P
 * 17) * "As soon as he had possession of the hyperdrive technology, Zaarin sent it to his technicians and scientists" &mdash;were these on his ship, or where? Please clarify.
 * 18) **The previous sentence says "and the freighters were free to dock with the Shamus, transferring over their technology into Imperial hands." Was that the point of contention...I'm a touch confused.
 * 19) ***Upon further inspection, I'm not really sure what my problem was.
 * 20) * "The operation was a success, but whether or not the Nharwaak still possessed the technology, perhaps hidden at another location, was yet to be seen" &mdash; I'm not liking this sentence. I'd like to either go completely, be altered to loosely be from Zaarin's POV, or else for you to just state outright that they still possessed it.
 * 21) **That was direct from the game. In hindsight, though, it's not needed, so it's gone.
 * 22) * "His scientists and technicians drastically redesigned the standard TIE, and were able to create prototypes of the new TIE Defender" -- I'd like to see a brief explanation of what the new fighter could do/how it differed from the last, either here or earlier.
 * 23) **Rather cheaply elaborated on, do tell if it needs more though. :P
 * 24) ***It'll do. Maybe pipelink "heavily armed" into some sort of weapon, if that's appropriate.
 * 25) * Would it be possible to merge the one-paragraph section with the above one with a slight alteration to its title? It looks odd as is.
 * 26) **The TIE Experimental one? Normally I'd refrain from doing that, but the method to that particular madness was that they're under a "Projects" subheader, and in a way, Zaarin's early bio is almost like a reeling off of his various projects, one per section. If you think it's a major issue though, I'll relent. Thefourdotelipsis 01:35, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***No, your reasoning makes sense. It would look much better with a quote under the section title, though.
 * 28) *Any chance of a few more quotes?
 * 29) * Channeling Ataru here: try to avoid using the word "decimated" unless it's definitively stated in the source.
 * 30) **That whole "1/10th" thing has been outmoded. :P Besides, any number of Star Wars works (TIE included, if memory serves) throw the word about willy-nilly. Thefourdotelipsis 02:15, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Blame Ataru. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) *If you already haven't, you might want to check the original Gamer draft of Who's Who that is currently circulating. If you don't have a copy, I can send you one; I know Hydro and Darth Culator also have copies. It would probably also be prudent to search for any BtS info given by Abel or Dan about his Who's Who appearance, and his first name, if its available. jSarek, and obviously Google may be able to help you on that front.
 * 33) ** I still have the last two sections and the appendices to read. Excellent work, and mostly a really interesting article. It's blindingly obvious it's all from a game though, and a bit heavy in parts. Not your fault, though. I'm yearning to play TIE fighter now, too. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:19, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Murk Lundi

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:24, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sith wanna be.

(2 Inq/1 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good effort.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:59, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Did they find him fascinating as a person, or was it the way he taught his subject? Please clarify: "his classes were always full, as students found him fascinating."
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Responsible in what way? "and if any of his students could be responsible for the collection."
 * 5) **I think it's fairly obvious; that they had gathered the objects and possibly left them as a warning to the Jedi. I left it as is because it's hard to change it to what I just stated, but I'll work on it if you feel it's necessary.
 * 6) ***It's been rephrased.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * Is this according to his beliefs? Please clarify: "Lundi replied that the Sith were more powerful, as vengeance and power always trumped peace."
 * 8) **Yes. Added, though I'm not sure it was needed.
 * 9) * "Right before takeoff, a young man tried to get off, screaming for Professor Lundi." Should this be "tried to get aboard"? In subsequent sentences it is said that the man (Norval) was thrown off.
 * 10) **Yes. Silly mistake.
 * 11) * From Locating the Holocron: "In the middle of the night" Is this specified at all? It could mean ship's night or whatever. In any case, it could possibly be reworded as time is kept differently aboard starships.
 * 12) **Changed.
 * 13) * First and third paragraph both begin with "In the middle of the night"; perhaps one could be reworded (if you decide to reword the first instance per the previous objection, then nevermind).
 * 14) **See above.
 * 15) * "Even Lundi's insanity did not save him, though he was clearly mad." This seems a bit repetitious.
 * 16) **Removed the second part of the sentence.
 * 17) * Are any of these crimes specified? If so, please elaborate: "Lundi was ultimately found guilty of numerous crimes and imprisoned."
 * 18) **Added a bit.
 * 19) * These would seem to be the same thing, in this context, no? "He also told them that Norval was not only power-hungry, but greedy."
 * 20) **Rephrased.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:26, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) The BtS mentions about Evil Never Dies retconning the holocron to be Adas's, but the bio doesn't mention this. I also suspect there's more info missing from END. Let me know if you need help accessing END, and I'll see what I can do. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:04, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Added, thanks to your help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) The bit at the chasm could be reworded a little to make it clearer how he lost the holocron. Catch me on IRC if that's not enough to go on. Otherwise, nice article. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:50, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *Added a few words. Let me know if more is needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:38, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **Works for me. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:59, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks for the reviews.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Celeste Morne

 * Nominated by: Ajeanette 6 July 2008
 * Nomination comments:I managed to receive good article status with plenty of help and guidance and I am ready to take the next step.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great job with the article. We love to see major characters get FA'd. DC 17:19, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:44, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From DC
 * 2) * Eliminate links in her quotes.
 * 3) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 4) *Early Career: Give some context on what a Shadow was.
 * 5) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 6) * Same with the Muur Talisman.
 * 7) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 8) * I think it would be a good idea to include the Covenant's vision of Muur.
 * 9) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 10) * In Pursuit of the Muur Talisman: Taris: "In the Tarisian Undercity, Celeste came to the aid of Sector Constable Noana Sowrs under attack by rakghouls, deformed, mindless mutants which could transmit a namesake plague through their bites." This sentence is missing some key parts, and as a result, doesn't read right.
 * 11) **Addressed Ajeanette 27 July 2008
 * 12) * "From their conversation." Zayne and Celeste had a conversation? Transition that better from the sentence before that to the given sentence so its understandable.
 * 13) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 14) * Give a bit more context on who Gryph was.
 * 15) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 16) *Jebble: "In the process, they discovered that Jebble was not just a local war forge or training center, but a staging area for invasion, and all of the Mandalorian recruits from the Outer Rim present were about to become infected by the disease," is a major run-on. Please fix this.
 * 17) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 18) *Sending out Communication: Give some context about who Cassus Fett was.
 * 19) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 20) * What happened to Pulsipher?
 * 21) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 22) *Possession: "Celeste became enraged at the duo for questioning her devotion to the Draay family and the Covenant and turned on them," is another run-on.
 * 23) **Addressed Ajeanette 27 July 2008
 * 24) * Give context on Crys Taanzer as well.
 * 25) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 26) * Oh come on, there is a lot more you could write with the P&A and P&T. There is nothing from the Dark Times comics in there, and she has been featured prominently in six issues.
 * 27) **Addressed Ajeanette 24 July 2008
 * 28) ***I still think it could be expanded a bit further. DC 21:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 30) *****Alright, it looks a lot better than before now. Great job. DC 03:46, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Also, you could expand on what has been said of Vector 7. She engaged Skywalker in a duel, and was fully controlled by the Muur Talisman at this time.
 * 32) **I added a little bit, but I think it would be a good idea to hold off on most of this for now. I took the summaries and previews for their word as to how the Talisman has affected her by Vector 7 and although the cover shows a duel between her and Skywalker, from experience, covers can, at times, be deceiving. As soon as I am sure I will update, but if you feel otherwise please let me know why. Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 33) * And seriously, the other side? I would fix this myself, but I think it would be a good idea for you to fix this. Change it to the Rebellion.
 * 34) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 35) *This article isn't bad, but there is a lot of missing context, and a tad bit of missing info. Some sentences transitioned badly as well, so it would be a good idea to run this through another copyedit. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **I realize that this may be a long list to fulfill, and that it could take some time to fix all of my objections, but honestly, taking an article from a GA to a FA is a big step to take. I don't know if you've been through the FAN page process before, but I'm telling you right now, this article may take a while to become a FA. If you need little bit of help, Fourdot wrote an excellent tutorial on character FAs that I use quite often when I write FAs. DC 21:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the stasis chamber of Chack Jadson:
 * 38) * Context on Shadow in the intro.
 * 39) **I cleaned up the first paragraph and added a few words in order to connect information from the first sentence to the second. If you feel a reader would still be confused let me know where the wording is ambiguous. Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 40) * "As an agent for the Covenant, the records of her identity were erased from Jedi Order rolls so that she would give her whole effort in service to the Covenant's cause to prevent the rise of the Sith." This could be written better.
 * 41) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 42) * Context on Karness in the intro.
 * 43) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 44) * "Ever since the Muur Talisman was lost on Taris those unfortunate to dwell in the Undercity feared these deformed, mindless mutants which could transmit a namesake plague" POV, perhaps split into two sentences also.
 * 45) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 46) * Refer to beings by last names.
 * 47) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 48) * Did Gryph get captured when he fell? If so, mention that rather than springing it on the reader later.
 * 49) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 50) * Context on the people in the Moomo Williwaw who saved them.
 * 51) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 52) * Context on the Uhumele. Is it a pirate vessel?
 * 53) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 54) * Can we get a better quote for P&T?
 * 55) **Addressed Ajeanette 12 August 2008
 * 56) *Pretty good.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:51, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I think you should wait until Vector's completion before making this a FA. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 21:16, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, there have been some articles that have been made into FA's while the article still had planned appearances. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Now that the next issue of Vector is out today, I think you should update it if you have it. Just don't forget to add that there are spoilers in the article here. DC 17:48, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Haninum Tyk Rhinann

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sing out if it gets confusing. :S

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. Just finished the book myself; looks like you have all the info in there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:18, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:05, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I love how you use the ANH novel to ref Vader's Dark Lordiness so that you can ref the rest of the article; I did the same thing on Dhol. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:09, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I just finished reading the novel...nice work here guys --Jinzler 12:47, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Though the reffing annoys me.... :P  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:56, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Information would be spread throughout the underground that claimed that the droid possessed information vital to the Whiplash resistance movement, and Vader was able to make sure that the information made its way to Jedi Master Even Piell, who was Pavan's former master. You use information three times in this sentence - is there any alternatives you can use to avoid repetition?
 * 3) **Used "data" for the middle one.
 * 4) * The fight was taking outside the resiblock named the "Coruscant Arms," I think you're missing a word in the sentence. Also, I thought the fight took place inside the building?
 * 5) **It was meant to be "a resiblock." As for the location, the way I'm reading it, Nick engages the stormtroopers as they prepare to enter the building...I could be reading it wrong, though.
 * 6) * A little context on who Captain Tanna is would be appreciated. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:39, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Given what little there is. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 9) * No quotes at all? Presumably you just forgot this bit, as I've done many times before. :-) Even though most of the good lines about him are internal thoughts, you should be able to come up with some decent quotes.
 * 10) **Yes...forgot... They're in there now.
 * 11) * Could we get a mention of his dislike for the Eloms in the P&T or bio, somewhere?
 * 12) **Gotcha.
 * 13) * Could we also get a mention of how afraid he was of Vader in the bio?; it definitely seems relevant.
 * 14) **Added.
 * 15) * Do we have any idea what duties Rhinann carried out as Vader's aide before JT? I can't remember, so if there isn't, my apologies.
 * 16) **There's nothing specific, no.
 * 17) * This isn't an objection per se, but most of the sentences in the intro seem slightly short; do you think you could merge some? If you've reasons not to, please let me know.
 * 18) **To me, they don't seem particularly short, but if there are any specific ones that you think don't read well, I'd be more than happy to oblige.
 * 19) ***Looks fine.
 * 20) * The word "then" is heavily overused in the latter part of the second paragraph of the bio.
 * 21) **I've pared it down a bit, let me know if it needs more.
 * 22) * "Rhinann was fascinated by the Force, and his interest was one of his key reasons for accepting the job of Vader's aide, even though the alternative was slavery." Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but it seems to imply that a life of slavery would be a positive one.
 * 23) **Ah, yes. I know what I mean, but it's not very clear. :P I've tried to clarify that a bit.
 * 24) ***Ah, I understand what you were saying now. It's much clearer now.
 * 25) * First two sentences of the second paragraph of the P&T are very similar in structure, with two "even though"s. Please alter one.
 * 26) **I've changed the first to "although" but the structure is still the same...do you want me to completely overhaul the second sentence?
 * 27) ***Nah, it's fine.
 * 28) * Could the BtS be expanded a bit? You could say that he was something of an antagonist, and that it was through his POV that Vader was dealt with, and that his joining the good guys opens up the possibility for him to appear in later Coruscant Nights installments.
 * 29) **I've given it another sentence, but I feel the rest might be a bit too...speculatory.
 * 30) **Very good article, though I think a decent copyedit would do a lot of it. Interesting character, to boot. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:02, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The entire thing is just Coruscant Nights I: Jedi Twilight spoilers. Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If this isn't promoted soon, then Coruscant Nights II: Street of Shadows will be released and you will have to do the whole thing all over again. Although nothing has been confirmed yet, it is likely that he will appear in that or at least be mentioned. I think it comes out on the 26th August --Jinzler 13:39, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Sardu Sallowe

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:15, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: &hellip;get one free.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Objections addressed via IRC. Despite the horrible continuity errors surrounding the HST created by Underworld, I can't help but like the comic, and this character in particular. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:17, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Fill in the three redlinks for bonus points. --Imperialles 05:40, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Great article, though I don't know why only 2 Inqs have even looked at it. DC 19:43, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * Even though I fixed it, I can't help but laugh at you for the line "raised among his people in the harsh desserts of his homeworld" -- you haven't met Melvin Fett, by any chance, have you, GT? :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:20, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Just making sure you were paying attention. :P Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:43, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Y'bith

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:16, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another WTS nom.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:31, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Good show.-- —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:03, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:00, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:27, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Cantina of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "eventually inadvertently". Please rephrase this.
 * 3) **Axed the "eventually"
 * 4) * You use "while" and "claim" in consecutive sentences in History. Minor things, but they disrupt the flow.
 * 5) **I've got rid of the second "while," but since the second claim is "claimed," I don't think it's quite as jarring...but if you still think it needs tweaking, I'm more than happy to oblige.
 * 6) *Very nice overall.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:01, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks. Thefourdotelipsis 06:49, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) What's the Pasta Bowl? of Fiolli:
 * 9) *A few quickies:
 * 10) ** The intro states: "Developing their own culture, the Y'bith were never fully embraced by the Bith, who claimed that the volatile biochemistry of the subspecies made them violent and aggressive." It is stated in B&A as if it was fact rather than a claim. Which one is correct? Also, the BtS states: "In order to further differentiate the Y'bith from the Bith, Burger wrote them as violent and tempromental beings, far removed from what he perceived as pacifist tendencies in the Bith."
 * 11) ***Yes, the Bith used it as an excuse to not associate with them.
 * 12) **** Okay, so if it is an excuse, is it still fact that they were volatile? If so, the intro should reflect this fact and not merely an opinion since the B&A has it as a fact. The History section kind of compromises, so it is fine.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:28, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *****The entry itself doesn't specify either way, but the thing that got me was the authorial intent; The author intended it to be fact, his wording wasn't changed in that part (if memory serves) and since that doesn't clash with what's established, that's pretty much what it is. Thefourdotelipsis 02:08, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ****** I admittedly would prefer the language to be consistent throughout, however. I no longer hold any objection to whether or not it is fact. Thank you for explaining that part, 4dot.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:28, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *******Resolved via IRC discussion.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:11, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ** "Nevertheless, the Y'bith strove to be accepted by the galactic community as a whole, and their city of New Nozho became a notable trade port." The last clause isn't mentioned or paraphrased anywhere else in the article.
 * 17) ***Whoops. Added.
 * 18) **"In the wake of the devastating attack, the survivors, dubbed "Y'bith", or, in Galactic Basic Standard, "Ghost Bith," lived in hermetically sealed cities that had been built in the ruins of Nozho." The The Essential Guide to Alien Species states that survivors of the civil war lived in dome cities. Might be useful to have this mentioned.
 * 19) ***That's interesting, since the DB entry seems to imply that the domes were destroyed. I'll look into that.
 * 20) **** Perhaps the new domes were built as the "hermetically sealed cities" that you speak of.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:28, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***** I checked some more things and could not find a specific link between the two, but I do not have all the sources you do regarding the Y'bith. Perhaps something is floating out there somewhere.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:28, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ******I've tweaked this with a mention of the domes. Thefourdotelipsis 08:25, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ** "Later, on both Nar Shaddaa and Coruscant, they aided in the rebuilding efforts in the wake of the Yuuzhan Vong War." I think I understand why this is here, but shouldn't it be at least alluded to in the History section, plausibly with a mention of the notability of New Nozho?
 * 24) ***I felt that those kind of things, aiding with the war efforts and all that, were kinda less relevant to the Y'bith as a people, and besides, I didn't want to keep repeating information too much.
 * 25) ****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:28, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *Nice work!  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:46, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 01:59, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Not a problem.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:28, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) Toprawa:
 * 30) * A minor thing, but I would like to see some kind of mention in the Society and culture section that they shared the Bith language with the Bith. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:14, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thank God you mentioned that, because the mention in the infobox is a mistake. There's nothing, at least that I can find, in the DB entry that stipulates the language, other than the fact that "Y'bith" is Bithese for Ghost Bith...which doesn't qualify. The mention in the infobox has been axed. Thefourdotelipsis 02:08, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Well, good. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:00, 17 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kalyn Farnmir

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:49, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And another one. This one's a GA that I just beefed up a tad.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)   Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:31, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:46, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Another painless fourdotelipsis read. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:40, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:16, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 2) *A couple of quick things:
 * 3) ** "Together, they were able to claim the bounty on Disciples of Psusan leader Scri Oscuro's head." This suggests that the bounty was to kill Oscuro. Please clarify so that when the priest is mentioned later in the intro it does not provide a moment of confusion.
 * 4) ***Fixed.
 * 5) ** "But her desire to bring criminals to justice persisted, and as such, she became a bounty hunter." This sentence shouldn't start with a conjunction. I am aware of, but honestly, I wasn't sure what you would prefer to have this sentence read since the successive commas in the middle of the sentence limit options as it stands now.
 * 6) ***Tweaked.
 * 7) ** "Shee was also to receive a substantial from the Psusans for setting Farnmir up." Substantial what?
 * 8) ***Fee.
 * 9) ** "Farnmir and Shee met on[Nar Shaddaa, and fought to the death. Farnmir corrected her mistake in letting Shee live on Coruscant, and killed the slicer." Seems to be some redundancy here.
 * 10) ***Fixed.
 * 11) *Otherwise, nice article 4dot. I'm beginning to really like all the WtS entries. &mdash;  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:30, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thankee. :) Thefourdotelipsis 02:17, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ***No problem!  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:31, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Toprawa:
 * 15) * Please kill the speculation: "a skill which likely served her well during her time in the Kuati Security Forces"
 * 16) **Axed. Thefourdotelipsis 22:44, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Please ask around (Borsk probably knows) and see if you can't figure out which specific FF she's in. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:25, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) **That would be 96. Added. Thefourdotelipsis 08:28, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Myhr Rho

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:51, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More, more, more.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:31, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:28, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Ozzel 21:27, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) One thing:
 * 2) * "which inspired Rho and the other patrons to depart." This gives the impression that they left because she had a bad voice (that's what I got from it, at least). While I've never seen the Holiday Special, I don't think that's what happened, so a change in wording would be helpful. Please tell me if I'm mistaken.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:06, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Reworded. :P Thefourdotelipsis 06:52, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) There's a bit of unnecessary repetition in the P&T. "Although his homeplanet of Tatooine provided scant opportunity for enterprise," "most of the jobs on Tatooine involved both" and "and was constantly unemployed. In the wake of the Battle of Endor, however, Rho's enterprising came to the fore, and he took full advantage of Luke Skywalker's fame" don't seem particularly relevant to me and reiterate in similar terms what's been said in the bio. If you think they all merit inclusion, please tell me, but I would request that you change it around a bit or remove at least one of the quoted sentences. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:12, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *I've axed one of the sentences&mdash;I think it's important to present information in a different way in the P/T, but I agree that non-stop repetition is just pointless. Thefourdotelipsis 01:56, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) His attempt to dance with Ackmena and subsequent dramatic removal from the cantina by Tork might be worth noting. -- Ozzel 23:45, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * One screen capture from Yoda Stories would be appreciated.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:53, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I removed references to Palpatine's "first" death in the intro, because I don't think it's necessary; saying "he died" is not incorrect. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:12, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Drigor Tarrens

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:34, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: DarkStryder? Never heard of it ...

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very clean. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:31, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Infidel!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:21, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Ozzel 21:50, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:25, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * I think I'm correct in implying here that the Confederation charged him with treason for using cybernetics, which clashed with their views of bio technology. I would like to see a wee bit added here to explain that the Confederation charged him with treason for this violation: "Charged with treason, which was punishable by death,"
 * 3) **That's the conclusion I get from reading his bio, but the problem is that it is never explicitly stated to be the case. As a result, I am loath to add it since it is close to speculation.
 * 4) * Again, please do a bit to clarify why he is being charged with treason: "He was summoned to appear before a court on the charge of treason upon waking from surgery" Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:31, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **No other information is given, but it probably relates to the above comments. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:36, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***In regards to both objections, yes, as you describe it, that would unfortunately be speculation. Very well. I won't hold it up on this, but would it be safe to add a little bit specifying that the Confederation charged him, in both instances here? Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:25, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Buick

 * Nominated by: 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I was moved into action by 4dot's Max.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) A flying car!? Stupid Back to the Future copycats..... DC 01:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 01:36, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Objections sorted partially in IRC.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:22, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Because Jorrel Fraajic likes to torture himself so others can't:
 * 2) * Needs way better images (and more of them) - If there's anyone, anyone who has any of the games and the ability to screencap consoles, contact me here or on my talk page (or in IRC, even). 21:14, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **While I have placed newer, higher quality images, they're all from the same source (original RS). I'm quite pleased with them and if I have no alternatives I'll use just them, but if there's a way for someone to grab them from the other games, the above request stands. 20:47, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Well too bad...
 * 5) * Ref tag in intro.
 * 6) **Allowed because I make no reference to it later.
 * 7) * possibly suggesting the use of dovin basals for propulsion. Unless there's a specific source for that, its speculation.....
 * 8) **Well... dovin basals allowed a ship to travel without any external engines, right? Isn't that source enough? :P Nah, I'll fix it. Kinda disappointed it didn't last one objector, though.
 * 9) * First, a swinging Max head, from the classic adventure series Sam and Max. Second, a bobblehead monkey, reminiscent of the adventure series Monkey Island. Both of those are fragments. DC 22:26, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Good point. Fixed. 01:10, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Buick.JPG is a tad low quality. --Imperialles 05:25, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *See the first objection. :P I totally agree, though, and am working feverishly to track down a way to get a better one. 05:37, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Better one found, placed instead of Image:Buick.JPG: Image:Buick.jpg. 20:47, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 4) *" Its construct was a unique design in the galaxy, as it apparently came from outside known space." Speculation.
 * 5) **Not really, if you look at the initial quote. Got rid of weasel word though.
 * 6) * "its use dropped off around the same time the Rebellion defeated the Imperials at the Battle of Endor in 4 ABY. The starfighter was seen again as late as 10 ABY before once again fading into obscurity." Speculation.
 * 7) **Not really... the missions it's usable in all stop at the BOE, except for one that takes place on Mon Calamari 6 years later. Suggestions on how to repair?
 * 8) ***I wouldn't say anything about fading into obscurity, since no source says whether or not it was used beyond those instances. This is like saying Nall died on Taris . . . it's not confirmed, so you can't say it. I would cut/reword anything that indicates it fell out of use, and just state when it was used. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:28, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Thanks for the suggestions. I've adjusted as necessary. 04:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * "the hull was also described as being heavily armored, protecting the pilot and any passengers." Vary up one described in this sentence.
 * 11) **Described --> Noted
 * 12) * "whose most notable attribute was its oddly bobbing head.[4]" POV.
 * 13) **Removed POV-ish word.
 * 14) * "Strangely, this only seemed to affect the later model of car.[2]" This obviously isn't a car.
 * 15) **Technically, it's referred to as a "car". Whether or not it matches our car isn't known, but it is described as a "car" in official sources. Also, car.
 * 16) * Is this vehicle shown canonically jumping to hyperspace, or is that an assumption?
 * 17) **Several missions in which it is able to partake in require no other Alliance ship presence. Also, IIRC, there's a thing of dialogue in the mission briefing that states something along the lines of "you will get to your location via hyperspace".
 * 18) * Reference note 6 is original research. 5 is pushing it.
 * 19) **Removed ref 6. 5 has no other explanation.
 * 20) * "It wasn't until 10 ABY, during the time of the First Battle of Mon Calamari, that the Buick resurfaced. Shortly after, though, it again faded into non-use" Is this explicitly canon? If not, it's original research.
 * 21) **It's ambiguous: it doesn't actually show up after the Battle of Endor in any other battles until the Mon Calamari battle. Like I stated before, if you have suggestions on how to fix, I'm willing to fix it.
 * 22) ***See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:28, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ****You too. 04:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Redlink in references.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Originally used in a purely atmospheric manner, the Buick was almost identical in function to Naboo's security forces' V-19 landspeeder, where it performed as a landspeeder" Clarify.
 * 27) **Clarified.
 * 28) *" The engines would quickly catch up, however, and would allow the pilot to regain control and movement." Reword.
 * 29) **Reworded.
 * 30) * "The latest tweaks to the Buick's interior included two decorative ornaments:" How do we know those are the latest?
 * 31) **Hmm. Looks like I was going by actual gameplay, not timewise-line. Fixed.
 * 32) * "multiple seats allowed seating for multiple passengers" Redundant wording.
 * 33) **Redundancy removed.
 * 34) *That's round 1. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:15, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) **Thanks, Ataru. 20:39, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * "While its main role was dogfighting, its advanced systems and devices allowed it to take on installations, larger starships, and planet-bound structures. " Is it specifically said to be primarily an anti-starfighter weapon?
 * 37) **Not specifically stated, no. However, its mission profiles, as well as knowledge on the ship it replaces (and keeps the stats from), the RZ-1 A-wing interceptor, provide proof towards this description.
 * 38) ***That would seem to contradict the information about the ground-based/airspeeder variants. I would like to see this describe that there were several different configurations of the Buick, each with a particular use, rather than flat-out say a primary mission role. What you have at the moment is the equivalent of saying that, say, an F.15 Eagle's role is primarily air-to-air combat; that completely ignores the F-15E strike variant. I have adjusted the article accordingly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:11, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * "and were largely visible from any angle" Reword.
 * 40) **Removed.
 * 41) * "detailing a specific readout of the Buick" Reword.
 * 42) **Removed specific, added "different" - think the control panel of a car.
 * 43) * Do we know what the interior looked like in the Naboo defense time-frame? It seems to me that would be pertinent information to add, since all the refs in that section are from the RS games.
 * 44) **No, and I've been meaning to find out. It will be taken care of once I get to the desktop. Also, much of that section has been further fleshed out with information from BfN.
 * 45) ***Alright, there really are no good shots of the Buick's inside from BfN, and, as such, very little detail. It's mostly all the same as RSII's interior. I did re-source on of the old refs using what information I did gather. 01:36, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * "There were, however, two glowing lights that may have been the endings of the engines, as their continual glow was reminiscent of other engines at the time." Speculation
 * 47) **I've seen worse go through undetected before, but I've changed anyway. Besides, I found out that they are indeed engines. (You would've really hated my "possibly suggesting the use of dovin basals for propulsion" line :P )
 * 48) * "In space combat, it was largely responsible for engaging in dogfights with enemy unit" Same as above, is it stated to be a primarily anti-starfighter weapon?
 * 49) **Per above.
 * 50) * Does not appear to have the full list of categories.
 * 51) **One thing I forgot from the addition of that Naboo game to the sources. Should have all (or close to all)
 * 52) *Okay, that should be all the objections from me. May your day be just as Super, Terrific, Friendly, and Un-frustrating as before. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:07, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **It had better be. 17:00, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * You have several instances of repitition of statements, whether slightly changed or exact. Example: "A very compact hyperdrive was installed on the craft, allowing it to travel to distant places without the need for additional support craft or units; in this way, it was entirely possible for the craft to act autonomously.", and "The installation of the hyperdrive allowed it freedom to work as its own unit." Please comb over and change, so as to avoid redundancy.
 * 3) **I think I have addressed the repetitive redundancy. 16:43, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1,208 words. 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Just as a heads-up, I just recently discovered that the Buick was actually featured in another game, Star Wars: Battle for Naboo. I was unaware of this when I was working on the article, and as such ignored anything that came from that source. Now that I know, I've reworked the article to include this new information. For those who have already read the article, some things may now be different for you; I'd personally read over it again (if you've already read it once) as there is some new data enclosed that may or may not prove useful/different than it was from the initial version. Thanks. 06:43, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Also, 1,429 words now, if anyone's keeping track B) 06:43, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A brief note, Jorrel. I reworded the statement about its later uses to say that it was in service in 10 ABY, in order to avoid the statement that it was present, which would be OR. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:07, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Be mindful of the overlinking please. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:46, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I looked through the article, but I really wasn't able to find many (if any) examples of the overlinking... did you see something specific that I'm missing? 16:43, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppo Rancisis

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:44, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:NEGTC nom.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:43, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think you need to address the number of arms thing in the BTS. Yrfeloran 15:21, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *What exactly are you looking for? All that I can really say is, "he wasn't shown to have four arms in the films or most sources until Republic." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 4) * "Rancisis was one of those who informed Skywalker's Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi." Informed of what?
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "Recognizing the negotiations as a debacle, Rancisis was reassigned by the Council." Who did the recognition?
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "Being one of the most astute tacticians in the Jedi Order" POV.
 * 9) **Added an "as he was considered."
 * 10) * Inconsistency beween Rancisis' and Rancisis's.
 * 11) **Got them all, I think.
 * 12) * "Rancisis selected Quinlan Vos to be his second in command, as the Kiffar Jedi had had prior dealings with both the Anzati and Morgukai and was knowledgeable about both groups, and because he was Tholme's former Padawan." Bit of a run-on
 * 13) **Split.
 * 14) * Consistency of Caldera vs. caldera
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Was Auset with Jeisel and Vos when they found the tunnels? It's a bit unclear.
 * 17) **Removed the bit about Auset.
 * 18) * "With one last throw of the chance cube, Rancisis used his tail to send Kelkko sprawling across the room; the Anzati perished in a fiery shower of Force lightning." Flowery prose.
 * 19) **Changed it a bit; better?
 * 20) ***I would remove the chance cube bit, unless he was literally throwing a chance cube.
 * 21) ****Bah! You're killing me here.
 * 22) * "He had the Republic's interests at heart, and the majority of his decisions while serving on the Council were in the interest of the Republic, and he cared about the Republic's integrity." Run-on/redundant.
 * 23) **Removed the last bit.
 * 24) * "Oppo Rancisis was talented in a number of unconventional Force powers," unconventional is POV.
 * 25) **I'm not seeing the problem...
 * 26) * Four redlinks.
 * 27) **Now three with the removal of the non-existent Wookieequote page.
 * 28) *Figures you throw in a TOTJ mention. Bah! :-P Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:56, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **Will do. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) Is there a Wikiquote page coming? --Eyrezer 03:54, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *Bah, I completely forgot about it. I'll make one in a few days, when I have access to my comics. :-) For now, I've removed the template. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Hey:
 * 33) * "perished in a mass of Force lightning." Did Oppo use Force lightning? I'm just asking for an explanation here.
 * 34) **It's sort of ambiguous in the comic&mdash;Oppo flicks him into the air with his tail, and the Anzat is enveloped in Force lightning. It's probably Bulq's, but since it's not shown in the comic I think it's best to leave it ambiguous.
 * 35) * When you mention the shadowy force orchestrating the Yinchorri Uprising, tell the reader what it is. Either that or explain later in Legacy, when you detail Order 66 and Palpatine.
 * 36) **Added to Legacy section; let me know if you want more.
 * 37) *I'm afraid I'm a fun killer; I don't the chance cube wording is good. Could you remove that bit?
 * 38) *Great work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:57, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Well, I had removed it, but Grae re-added it. I don't see the problem with it, so perhaps others could chime in? Thanks for the review, -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:05, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ***I'll try to talk to Graestan about it. Any feedback here from others would be nice too. I feel it should be removed because it's kind of random, and uneeded. It's not a big deal though, but I'm leaving my objection for now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:35, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Per the pronunciation in Clone Wars Chapter 21 ("Ran-sis-iss"), I've gone with " Rancisis' " according to the new policy. Even though "Ran-kiss-iss" seems like a more natural pronunciation. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:44, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Syal Antilles

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:50, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Syal later.

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Here's to the next generation of starfighter pilot. --Revan Averre 04:30, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 17:53, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 10:57, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I hate the main image so much, but I guess Ataru's brilliance overrides that. =P DC 18:28, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Even though the "fighting against Dad" portions of her story qualify for Lamest Thing Ever.  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:16, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Way too many redlinks. I will bust all the Vibrosword Squadron and Dancer Squadron ones, but given our rate of FA passage, I anticipate having plenty of time to do it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:50, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Jaina Solo
 * 4) * "After these personal losses, was attached as an aide to General Celchu, and was then sent with him on a covert diplomatic mission to the Jedi Order."—Reads awkwardly
 * 5) **Reworded to "After these personal losses, she was attached as an aide to General Celchu and accompanied him on a covert diplomatic mission to the Jedi Order." Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Attack Fighter"-This shouldn't be capitalized
 * 7) **Decapped in both instances. Moved our article as well. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "They had a brief conversation, with both pilots expressing concern for each other, and then they separated, with Wedge Antilles returning to Corellia and Syal rejoining her squadron."-Reads awkwardly
 * 9) **Now reads as "They had a brief conversation, with both pilots expressing concern for each other's welfare. Wedge Antilles subsequently returned to Corellian and Syal rejoined her squadron, returning to combat." Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***The second sentence sounds a bit confusing.
 * 11) ****Third time's the charm! Maybe, anyways. Now reworded to say "Wedge Antilles subsequently returned to Corellia and Syal rejoined her squadron, participating once more in the larger battle." Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:31, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *-- Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 00:09, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **You're welcome. Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 16:14, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) DC
 * 16) * "Along with the other children..." Whose kids? You have me starving for whose kids were there. If there are too many rascals, then at least give a rundown of whose families they are from.
 * 17) **Yeesh. I will need to get back to you on that one. I know the Solo brats for sure, and probably Valin Horn, but as much as I like Union, the artist didn't do a good job IMHO of distinguishing the characters well. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Definitely Valin, since both Booster and Mirax mention him. Aside from the three Solos and Myri, though, we don't see or hear of any other kids in the mix.--Revan Averre 00:33, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Mentioned Valin and the Solos, but I'm loathe to flat-out say that's all there were. Is that what you were looking for? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:28, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *****Hmmm...if thats all Union says...then I guess my objection is resolved, though I believe more kids were there. DC 18:28, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * "He eventually got the children, including Syal, calmed down and protected them during a swoop gang attack aimed at disrupting the wedding." Tell us how the wedding ended after the swoop attack.
 * 22) **Got it.
 * 23) * "who found their rambunctiousness hard to handle." I think you could put that in the P&T. I would do it myself, but I wanted to hear your opinion on whether it should be put there or not.
 * 24) **I've put it in P&T, but I'd like to leave that sentence there, if only because it ties in well to the next one. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) ***Okay. DC 18:27, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Give some context for the Yuuzhan Vong, please.
 * 27) **Contextified. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * 28) *Great article, but you have no idea how much I hate that main image, and how much it makes me angry that I can't replace it.... DC 03:31, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **I can't help with that one. :-S Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) Grass clippings:
 * 31) * Image:Syal Antilles.JPG is highly distorted and has visible comic frame; it requires a rescan.
 * 32) * Image:SyalDress Union.png also has visible frame; whoever rescans the first one could also grab this as a larger image.
 * 33) * Image:AntillesGirls Union.png as well.
 * 34) **Redemption has been kind enough to rescan all of them. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:34, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * "sometimes known as Lysa Dunter" is a pretty poor descriptor of Syal's intentional pseudonym. I'd plug it, in bold, into the second paragraph of the intro where it is more appropriate.
 * 36) **Done. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * The loss of her fiancé and squadron could use a bit of explanation in the intro.
 * 38) **Done. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * This&hellip; this is very awkward: "&hellip;the wedding proceeded, resulting in marriage between Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade." Can there be some rewording?
 * 40) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) * First paragraph of "Yuuzhan Vong War" is so rough that I simply request a rewrite. This review will continue pending such. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:58, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) **Rewrote it, assuming that you were talking about that paragraph. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * "Syal and Myri, along with their mother, Iella Wessiri Antilles" in two consecutive sentences is somewhere between awkward and eerie.
 * 44) **Excellent point. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) * Syal is said to join Vibrosword Squadron twice&hellip; perhaps the sentences could be reworked to make it all chronologically sound.
 * 46) **A relic of earlier prose that has since been reworked. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) * Some context for the Swarm War as well as the Second Galactic Civil War&mdash;motivations, outcome of the Swarm War, why Wedge was on the other side&mdash;would be helpful in set-up.
 * 48) **Briefly contextified the Swarm War-it's not pertinent to Syal other than as a relative time reference. Added some more on 2GCW to boot. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Tralus's location would also be helpful.
 * 50) **Gotcha. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * The plan for the Battle of Tralus, with the missiles, should be laid out more clearly.
 * 52) **More detail added. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * "When the Second Fleet, including Blue Diver, was deployed to assist Caedus's flagship, the Anakin Solo, which had come under attack by Confederation forces during a pretense of negotiation in between Corellia and Coruscant." – This is a fragment.
 * 54) **Ooh, bad Ataru. Fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * Are we going to call him Caedus in this article, when he was Jacen Solo to everyone public in the GA at the time? It kinda makes it sound as though Syal willingly and knowingly followed a Sith.
 * 56) **Changed them all; simply went by article title at the time. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:46, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Took care of the squadron redlinks, Ataru. There's a bit of a mixup, as there's a Vibrosword Squadron and a VibroSword Squadron, but since all of the callsigns were spelled the former way, that's the one they link to. --Revan Averre 04:24, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:34, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Ataru and I discussed this, already, and it's not an objection, but I could swear I recall reading that Syal was named after (it would seem obvious) her aunt, Wedge's sister, Syal Antilles Fel. I think that would be an important bit of information about her, either in the early life or intro section, but a source is needed. Anybody know the source where that is stated? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:51, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, the Syal Fe page mentions it, but has no source. It does say that it was before Wedge knew his sister was still alive, so that'd be Vision of the Future, but according to her page Syal Antilles was never mentioned there. Hmmm, you know, I'm going to take a guess that it's in Dark Tide II or Unifying Force, since they're both mentioned in both of those two. Probably DTII. --Revan Averre 04:04, 30 July 2008 (UTC)


 * Having thoroughly checked both of those sources when I wrote this article, I can safely say that it's not there. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:26, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Rescue of Bastila Shan

 * Nominated by:  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another work of the Pasta Bowl; Literally from scratch, made on Taris with the help of a Telosian.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 13:38, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:44, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) DC 03:17, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Looks like a nice article you've put together there, mate, just one small thing. The introduction seems to be a bit on the heavy side (for example, Jedi Civil War's intro is approximately 20% smaller), with the first sentence perhaps being a bit too OOU-ish for my tastes. I'd fix it myself but I don't want to unintentionally screw up the flow. -- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Put 'vital' instead of 'compulsory . . . etc.' in to make it less OOU. Make sense? Revan Averre 20:08, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Restored "compulsory" to the intro. Not as a debate, but just to explain my reasoning on this: Imperative may be a bit too-OOU; fair enough. I believe compulsory is IU due to the compulsive desire of Onasi that was in part due to his loyalty to the Republic, in part forced by the situation they found themselves in, and in part due to the necessity of their own survival. Additionally, compulsory does not carry the complete negative connotation that "compulsive" carries, though the former is a more apt adjective for this situation. That being aside, I believe the intro is shorter now and more to your liking.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) After reading it through, I have no complaints other than the intro...from where I'm standing, there is too much overall detail provided, which has led to an unnecessarily long introduction. Other than that, I have no problems with this article :) Very nice read, indeed, Fi.  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:35, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *Shortened.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) DC
 * 7) * You should probably mention something about Revan's amnesia in the Prelude.
 * 8) * Can you give a little bit of context for Ixgil?
 * 9) * "Once inside, Revan and Onasi encountered the famed bounty hunter Calo Nord." You just introduce Nord and no detail is given. Does anything else happen?
 * 10) *Great article, Fiolli. DC 17:57, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **Objections resolved per IRC discussion with Fiolli. DC 03:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) Four Dot
 * 13) *"After winning the race, Brejik called foul and claimed that the prize would not be given over to the winner." This is confusing, especially since you haven't introduced Brejik yet.
 * 14) *"During the attack, an amnesiac Revan—who, believing himself a simple Republic soldier—was contacted by Carth Onasi." - This sentence doesn't quite flow as well as it should.
 * 15) *"Concurrently, Revan—unknowing of his true past identity—experienced visions through the Force about the attack lead by Shan aboard Revan's former flagship. Onasi remarked that while Revan was sleeping, he had been thrashing about for a couple of days." - This is sorta tangential. For things like battles, missions, and the like, it's best to stick to what's directly relevant.
 * 16) *This also goes for the Ixgil incident, and the Nord one, as well as the descriptions of the various cantina occupants. They need axing to keep the focus of the article, otherwise it becomes a direct summary of the game's Taris section (which it shouldn't be).
 * 17) *"During the conversation, Zaalbar began to eat his meal." - This is too great a level of detail for an event article.
 * 18) *We also don't need the detail on the plight of the Undercity inhabitants, or Rukil's sidequest.
 * 19) *"As further incentive, Ark promised that Revan could compete in the Season Opener and 500 credits." - Is there something missing here? :P
 * 20) *"Saying that Canderous Ordo sent him, Revan should be able to get a pre-ordered droid from Nall." - This phrasing is odd, as is the tense.
 * 21) *"Nord managed to survive the devastation, however, and would later team up with Darth Malak to kill Revan" - This would kinda indicate that Revan bit the dust. :P
 * 22) *It would also be good to note in the BTS that it is not necessarily Revan who dispatches enemies, but could be any of the other party members. Thefourdotelipsis 11:59, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I will fix the two red links in short order.

Pau'an

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:26, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And here we go.

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:24, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Not an objection, per se, but please see my comment below. Nice article.  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:18, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Satisfied both first and second time around. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:46, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Fiolli:
 * 2) *No pasta bowl this time. Just one small noodle: No mention of the backstory in the BtS coming from the Wizards article, but you derive extensive physiological information from there. This should be mentioned at least.
 * 3) **Added that in BTS.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Not an objection, but there are far more sources and appearances listed than actual citation sources. I would prefer to see some citation from these other sources as well. Otherwise Mo might be warranted if nothing is really stated.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:03, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **I believe the Visual Guide/Dictionary stuff is basically BTS, what I sourced from the databank. I'm looking into it however, and I'll have any new info if there is any soon. Complete Locations has no new info, Miniatures, well, you probably know about that (it's Miniatures, not a sourcebook), and I'm looking for KOTOR 17 info, which I doubt is going to be useful.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Thanks for looking into it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:24, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Toprawa:
 * 8) *Does anything actually describe him as being famous? "One of most famous Pau'ans was Darth Desolous"
 * 9) **Changed, but thinking about it now, I may remove it, because I don't know if anyone but Vader and the Apprentice knew about him. I have now removed that line all together.
 * 10) *Also, based on his Sith title and information from the article, it seems that this individual did indeed become a Sith. If so, you should describe him as such, not just as an aspirant
 * 11) **Alright, but I did that because if he's a Sith, it kinda-sorta does break the Rule of Two.
 * 12) *The "History" section quote should reflect the movie quote, rather than the novelization quote, for purposes of canonical hierarchy.
 * 13) **I did that because the quotes are not the exact same, and I think this one is better. If you are adamant about this, I'll change it.
 * 14) *You source this sentence to the ROTS movie, when nothing of the such is found there. This needs to be sourced correctly: "though Utapau was subjugated once more with the formation of the Galactic Empire."
 * 15) **Fixed.
 * 16) *I'd like to see a more traditional BTS, identifying their first appearance in the ROTS novel, which I'm sure is the first appearance.
 * 17) **Changed.
 * 18) *Also, some kind of mention should be made explaining that they were created as the namesake inhabitants of a world that was originally conceived by George Lucas for the original scripts of Episode IV. Utapau was originally to have been Tatooine. Do some research here.
 * 19) **Done, though I hope this was not meant in a rude, "get your facts straight" kind of way. I'm looking for more BTS to add too.
 * 20) ***No, it wasn't. I'm sorry if it came off that way. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:47, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *There's no info from the KOTOR comic, Evasive Action: Reversal of Fortune, the Wizards article about the Utapauan starfighter, or the ROTS novel?
 * 22) **Nothing from the novel, and something was already sourced to Evasive Action. Nothing in the comic is there either.
 * 23) *Please make sure the Source list is in correct OOU publication date.Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:59, 26 August 2008 (UTC)#**I did, but I left the articles and the Databank sources where they are.

Comments
 * I'll get to the redlinks soon.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * The lead quote doesn't really apply to the species as a whole, at all. I could understand the reasoning for using it in the "History" section, but in my opinion it doesn't suit the article well as a lead quote. Through your travels and writing of this article, Chack, did you perhaps come across anything that might fit better? Maybe the WotC enhancements? Greyman ( Talk ) 07:18, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * NEGAS is in-universe, so you use anything from that as a quote. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:42, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Understandable concern. I remember having a really hard time finding any quote, so I just took one from ROTS. I'll go over the sources again and see if I can find a better. Maybe something from NEGAS.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:39, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Sweet, sounds like a plan, Chack :) Thanks, Acky, for your recommendation. Greyman ( Talk ) 13:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * The only quotes for Pau'an come from ROTS, and none of them are great. I added one and can switch it with the main quote, but that's about it. Unless you mean I can take a statement directly from NEGAS? Thanks for the reviews too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:01, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Gara Petothel

 * Nominated by: --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This one took a whole lot of work, but was very, very rewarding. Gara Petothel is a really fascinating character and I think you will find it enjoyable to read, despite the length. Thanks, all! --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) The Wraiths are great!  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:33, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Really good.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  16:02, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Second image needs to be on the left, and all the rest adjusted accordingly so they alternate from there. --Eyrezer 03:55, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Deja vu. lol. Done. -- Colinmcev 22:40, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Channeling Acky here, a standard mention of gender, homeworld, and species in the intro would be nice.
 * 3) **I threw them in. Let me know if that works. --Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Any and all speculation about Donoslane Excursions has to go, aside from BtS. Until Aaron Allston or some other VIP confirms that, we can't say that for sure.
 * 5) **Removed the references from the top section and the Donos relationship section. Unfortunately, if I'm not mistaken, even if Allston confirms it, we can't really put it in because it's not canon until it's expressed in an official work. Sort of a pain in the ass, but it is what it is, I guess. -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Well, if Allston said that the naming of "Donoslane Excursions" is intentional and what we all know it means, that would confirm that they got together later and made the company at some point. But, moot point for now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Petothel was taught how to develop and live various identities" Reword.
 * 8) **Better? -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * The Imperial Intelligence training is a bit redundant compared with the previous section. A lot of this would be better off in the P&T.
 * 10) **I cut some of it; generally, I tried to keep the parts where the instructors specifically TAUGHT her something, and removed the other little bits. Many of what I cut were already in P&T so, yeah, you're right, redundant. Let me know if you think more trims are needed. --Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * The Zsinj/Trigit introduction is sort of confusing.
 * 12) **Could you tell me which intro is confusing, and what's confusing about it?
 * 13) ***Re-read it; it's fine. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * "created to help relieve pressure from the elite Rogue Squadron." I don't recall that being the point of the Talons.
 * 15) **I think I got that from the Wook's Talon Squadron entry, so we should probably remove that there. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * "that arguably saved Implacable and its crew from capture" The word "arguably" is generally POV.
 * 17) **Dropped it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "She programmed both Imperial and Rebel holos to provide incorrect information about Gara Petothel" clarify this.
 * 19) ** This is all the book says about it. I guess we could drop it if it's really that confusing? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Please watch your possessives when it comes to ship names. The preferred convention is Implacable ' s crew, not Implacable crew. I have fixed several of these but might have missed some.
 * 21) ** I fixed them where I saw them, I think it's cool now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * I feel the Exposing Atton Repness section could be slimmed down a little. It's almost play-by-play.
 * 23) **I shortened it a bit; is it OK or do you think it needs more? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Please, never call the Mon Remonda the Remonda.
 * 25) **lol Alright. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * "they very impressed with what seemed a promising start to a young career," Missing verb.
 * 27) **Oops. Fixed. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * I'm not sure the bit about Sarkin's confession is pertinent. I'll leave that to your judgment though.
 * 29) **Yeah, I'm with you. Cut it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Second paragraph of switching allegiances could be slimmed down. It's more of a P&T type paragraph.
 * 31) **Shortened it significantly. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * In that section, you state that she realized Zsinj is dishonorable several times. While I understand that it's a recurring motif with her, please tone those down.
 * 33) **I looked back and could really only find it in one reference in this section, plus once in the photo caption. If there are others there I'm missing, I'd say you can go ahead and cut them, or point them out to me and I'l go back and do it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * The crisis of identity section, while solid overall, is definitely play-by-play and needs a small diet to keep it from being overweight in terms of detail.
 * 35) **I cut some of the play-by-play stuff. Better? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Contextify the tracker program on Razor's Kiss. I mean, it was Castin Donn's. All she did was modify it, no?
 * 37) **Done. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * I actually think Growing closer to the Wraiths could use more detail on Mission to Saffalore.
 * 39) **I added some more detail, but still tried to keep it a bit light, since her role in this mission wasn't particularly crucial, and since it played a very small part in her overall story. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Infiltrating Iron Fist is also a bit play-by-play.
 * 41) **Switched it around a bit. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * "Knowing Zsinj's famous tendency to be cheap," Reword this.
 * 43) **It got dropped in the above objection, so I think this is moot now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * The Stellar Web was not, in fact, a New Republic vessel. "New Republic-aligned" might work instead, but I will leave that to your discretion.
 * 45) **Hmm...I couldn't find Stellar Web in my article. If I'm missing it, though, you can add the "-aligned" to it. I'm fine with that. --Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * The Legacy section is a little Original Research-y, unless you recall somewhere that nobody else ever knew. I thought the others learned of her messages.
 * 47) **Unless I'm missing something big, I believe most of the Wraiths did NOT know she was alive. However, since the fact that Solo and Antilles constitutes a cover-up, I am confident in saying her part in Iron Fist remained secret, and that most of New Republic wasn't aware of her actions. I left those parts in...HOWEVER, I cut most of the references to the Wraiths. Even if there was no specific mention of the Wraiths learning what she did, I can't definitively say they never learned it later, so I dropped it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***That's fair enough. The main reason I objected was because for sure, Garik Loran, Shalla Nelprin, and Myn Donos heard about her messages. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Rearrange the personality and traits section until it flows more chronologically. Since she has these identity crises, I might even segregate the P&T into 3 subsections for Petothel, Notsil, and Slane, if that would help you organize it.
 * 50) **I think it's all chronological now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) * "attractive-looking" is POV.
 * 52) **Well, the word attractive came from the book and other characters perceptions. I added something that the characters found her attractive, so it wouldn't be POV. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * I would cut the relationships section on Phanan and maybe Loran. Neither were romantically involved with her, but if you are using Relationships in a broader sense, Loran can stay, since he was her wingman.
 * 54) **I thought they were appropriate for inclusion since the Mara Jade entry has a Lando Calrissian relationship entry, even though the attraction in that "relationship" was completely one-sided. Nevertheless, I removed Loran and Phanan from there, since my understanding is the relationships section is for romantic relationships. -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***Good job on this, but I would put back the sentence about Phanan flirting with her in bio. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:42, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ****Done. -- Colinmcev 00:13, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:21, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thanks much! -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I have to give a shout out to Atarumaster's awesome Wraith Squadron article (also nominated for an FA), which I used frequently as a reference while working on this one. Great stuff, man! --Colinmcev 23:01, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. :-D Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A few things worth noting... --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Gara Petothel changes her identity periodically, but the two major, permanent changes are when she goes from Gara to Lara Notsil upon joining Wraith Squadron, then from Lara Notsil to Kirney Slane upon leaving. I decided to approach this in the article by using whatever name corresponds with that period in her life; for example, when she becomes Kirney Slane, I start referring to her as Slane instead of Notsil. I was worried this approach might be confusing, but I think it works since all three names are identified in the first sentence of the article. I'm open to suggestions. --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Also, although Aaron Allston clearly means to indicate Gara and Myn Donos end up together in Betrayal, it was tricky to describe this since I don't think the reference can technically be considered canon. I did the best I could to explain Donoslane Excursions and their future together despite this. --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Link spam: we could find out if we interviewed him. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A question: there are lots of fanfic pictures of Gara/Lara/Kirney at Aaron Allston's official Web site. I know fanfics are not allowed, but since Allston put them on his official site, I'd venture to argue that this means the author has sanctioned them, and this gives them an official sort of status. I haven't used any of the fanfic pics in this article, but would like to and will do so if the majority of Wookieepedians agree with me. But I'll go with whatever decision the consensus reaches... --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Personally, I would be wary of using them. We had a policy against it in the past . . . if, say, Joe Corroney, had some unofficial pictures of Lara, that might be worth a BtS image. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

Rufaan Tigellinus

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:57, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Should be very interesting.

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:27, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:34, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:12, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:09, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:05, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Twig of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Is there a mention of what specific class of Star Destroyer that Avatar was? If so, please include, if not, disregard. -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:02, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **There is, in Dan's blog, but as its cut content I can't add it to the bio, so I've stuck in it to the BtS along with some other info from the blog. I've had to link to a disambig page, though, because it isn't specified if it's Imperial I or II. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:23, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Thanks.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:27, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 6) * "Though he did the best he could to mask his hand" Flowery prose.
 * 7) **Bah! Fixed.
 * 8) * "; he drew people into his influence like a gravity well projector," Flowery prose.
 * 9) **Bah! Fixed.
 * 10) * "imperial bodyguard" Should this be capitalized? (BtS)
 * 11) **I'm not sure, really. I was going by Wikipedia, which didn't capitalize it.
 * 12) *Have a Super Terrific Friend-Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Bah! -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:48, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Toprawa:
 * 15) *The lead quote has a very generic source. I'd like to see this sourced to a specific NewsNet article
 * 16) *Who reported this? The NewsNets? Please specify: "it was reported that Weizel had won the backing of Moff Jamson Caglio"
 * 17) *I don't necessarily agree with the wording on this. First off, it wasn't Ozzel's fleet, but Vader's. Vader wasn't assigned to Ozzel, Ozzel was assigned to him. Please reword as appropriate: "when Lord Darth Vader, one of his chief rivals on Coruscant, was assigned to Admiral Kendal Ozzel's Death Squadron"
 * 18) *Also with this, do you mean to say that the media expected them to be in the Outer Rim for an extended time, or that they had already been there for a time. Please clarify: "then in the Outer Rim for what was expected by the media to be a considerable amount of time"
 * 19) *I don't know if I would actually pin him as "thorough." He made this claim to the media, but did he actually carry it out? Since we don't know, it would be best to say something like "he promised a thorough investigation to the media" or something: "and thorough, stating to the media that he would conduct a proper and complete investigation into the events surrounding Governor Maclain.
 * 20) *This wording is kind of contradictory. Please reword: "others as talented tacticians possessing no tact or guile" Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:02, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * A well put-together BtS.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:02, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thank you. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:23, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

First Battle of Borleias (Galactic Civil War)

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 17:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A non-character nom from me, for a change. -- Colinmcev 17:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:28, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Some minor edits Enochf 23:42, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be referenced.
 * 3) **Done. -- Colinmcev 02:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Are the assault transports specifically refered to as ATR-6s? If not, then I would link to the generic assault shuttle article instead. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:37, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **I couldn't find the exact reference to ATR-6s, so I changed it as you suggested. -- Colinmcev 02:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Sebastian Shaw

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 01:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Next up, Kenneth Colley! :D Seriously though, I know it seems random, but this is a fascinating actor who played a crucial part in Return of the Jedi, however brief his running time was. -- Colinmcev 01:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Fascinating article on a great actor. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:32, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Excellent work. Thefourdotelipsis 08:10, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice article. Save Sebastian Shaw! -- Delmar Nori 08:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be sourced. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:40, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Ok. -- Colinmcev 15:15, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * "After Gresham's, Shaw planned to become a painter and spent two years at the Slade School of Fine Art before switching his interests acting;" - I think you'll need a "to" in there, but I'm not sure. When talking about the opinions of reviewers, I always think it's best to find at least three sources, but I can understand if you struggle in that regard. "He played The Telegraph described his performance of Gloucester in King Lear as "doleful"[2] and his performance of Duncan in Macbeth as "decent."" - Something's missing there. :P I think that perhaps a little bit too much time is spent summarizing The Christening, and that could probably be cut back a wee bit. Other than that, though, and the main image (which I'm still not chuffed about) fantastic work. Really enjoyable and enlightening read. Thefourdotelipsis 02:55, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed up those sentences and tightened the Christening description. I understand your concerns with the main image, but unfortunately, with the other pictures not quite at high enough quality, I think we're stuck with it. Thanks for the read! -- Colinmcev 05:07, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I found some extra sources, so I added a bit more info and some quotes. My apologies to anyone who might have started reading already, but I should be about finished now. -- Colinmcev 04:25, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I've found lots of pictures online (especially at SebastianShaw.com), mostly promotional stills and photos of him from his early career. I'm guessing I can't use any of them because of copyright issues, but if anyone can give any guidance on that, I'd appreciate it. -- Colinmcev 01:56, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * You should be able to find something in the public domain, somewhere. At any rate, I'd suggest that the infobox image be Shaw sans makeup, since that space is generally meant to best illustrate what a person looked like. :P Thefourdotelipsis 02:07, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Some sites I've found pictures are here, here, here and, probably most promisingly, here. Most of them are small (and the Sebastianshaw.com ones have the website written over them), but I'd appreciate some guidance as to whether any of these are usable or not...
 * Ok, I put up a lot of images, most of which I think are OK. Regarding what you'd said about the infobox picture, I would argue we should keep the one that there currently because a) It's a behind-the-scenes image, so it's still him, not the character, and you can clearly get an idea of how he looks in real life despite the makeup; b) This is a Star Wars wiki, and this draws a clear connection to his part in Star Wars while still displaying the actor instead of the character; c) The next best infobox choice, which would be the first publicity still, is pixelated a bit when blown up so won't look as good; d) This way, the images are more spread out, whereas if we took the publicity still up to the infobox, there'd be very few early career images and way too many Star Wars images. -- Colinmcev 19:03, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Grael

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:52, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Force-sensitive commando, meter tall, furry skin, short nom, nice story, what's not to like?

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:01, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Now, if they canonize him as the Ewok Jedi, that would be great! -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:27, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:04, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * I'm fairly certain there is another image of Grael out there... --Eyrezer 06:19, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, there are two more. I'll try to get Culator to scan them soon. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:35, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Is there an article for the Tribe Panshee village? If so, it needs to be linked to. If not, then it should be created. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:13, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Linked to and created. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:48, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Stuff:
 * 5) * Context on yootak in the body.
 * 6) **Added.
 * 7) * Anything you can link to for "long-armed black creatures"?
 * 8) **Nothing to link to, but I added a description.
 * 9) * Context on location of the prison in the body when first mentioned.
 * 10) **Changed it a bit; is that what you're looking for?
 * 11) *Very nice job. This light-hearted story seems pretty funny.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:00, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thank you. Yep, it is certainly entertaining. :) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:11, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) Toprawa:
 * 14) *Very redundant, please reword/condense: "There, he was introduced to a golden protocol droid, which was fluent in Ewokese. Grael introduced himself to the droid"
 * 15) *Some kind of context is needed for his flute/musical abilities here. Nothing in the biography really establishes that he has this flute, or why: "Grael still had possession of his flute"
 * 16) *After going through and linking some things, you now have some redlink issues. Please kill the musician red link in the intro, and I think you still may have 4 in the bio. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:16, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Makezh

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sponsored by the people who brought you beer milkshakes!

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) This is excellent, Cavalier. DC 00:13, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 13:15, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * The main image sucks a bit, but it's the best I can do with my scanner for some reason. If anyone can grab another version of it, I'd be grateful. It's on page 70 of The Kathol Rift. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Toby Philpott

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 21:40, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Mr. Shaw inspired me to do another random (but interesting) OOU nom. Just to warn you all, one of these days I am going to do Kenneth Colley. :D -- Colinmcev 21:40, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose

Comments

Osvald Teshik

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:26, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another Imperial FA nom. And yes, I know the quote isn't good, but it's the only in-universe quote on him.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:29, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) More minor Imperials!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:28, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Good stuff. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:10, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) DC 22:50, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:08, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) In my opinion, too short.  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( Oya Manda! ) 19:33, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The article needs to over a 1000 words, and when I did a word count, it was over 1000. It is not too short. DC 19:39, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **There's not a lot of info on him in the listed sources to begin with. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:36, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **If it's over 1000 words, it's not a valid objection. Anyway, most noms usually get expanded a little bit during the review process, so it should be fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:03, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *It's 1,022 words as it stands, which is fine. Your "opinion" is irrelevant. You can do the smart thing and strike your objection yourself, or the Inquisitorius will strike it for you. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:52, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the Green Grassy Field of Chack Jadson:
 * 7) * Do we have a date on when he was sent to Hapes?
 * 8) **Not to my knowledge. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:01, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Any more battles you can link to in the intro?
 * 10) **If one exists for his engagement with the Hapes fleet, I could always like that. Otherwise, probably not. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:01, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***I'm afraid you'll have to create a link, and make an article for it. You can leave it as a stub, just make a minor battle article for it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:29, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:41, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * "He was captured by the Alliance and executed for his actions. Before dying, he responded with mechanical laughter." I’d recommend combining these two, and changing the wording a bit.
 * 14) **I'll see what I can do. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:01, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:07, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Teshik failed to rescue Veshiv and deal with Vedij." Could you use a verb besides deal, as it was just used?
 * 17) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:07, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "...successor to the first Death Star destroyed above the gas giant Yavin." Is this bit necessary? If you’re using it for word count, then I understand, but if not, I’d suggest removing it.
 * 19) **I can probably make due without it. With it, there's 1,044 words, so it shouldn't make a difference if I remove it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:01, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Hmm, it's 1,022 words, not 1,044 words, but done. Just barely over 1,000 now (1,002 to be exact), but I'll add more when I add context on the four people you requested. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:05, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Context on Valance and Kligson. Lennox and Steele too.
 * 22) **I'll get to this later; I'm going to be out-of-town for the majority of the day. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:07, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Almost forgot about it, but done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:46, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:53, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) From the moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 26) * "being executed for his actions" &mdash; this isn't strictly true. He was executed for his rank more than anything, I think, so this part should probably be made more ambiguous.
 * 27) **Removed "for his actions." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * I'd like a little more added to the beginning of the bio; state that he was a Human and a member of the Imperial Navy prior to 2 BBY, when he was appointed as a Grand Admiral, etc. Also, if you wanted to bump up the length of the bio a bit more, you could mention the significance of the role and that Palpatine had trust in him, etc.
 * 29) * Mention that it was his duty to keep the Core Worlds safe.
 * 30) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * This isn't an objection, but just something you might like to add. The Bacta War establishes that Imperial military regulation meant that Navy personnel weren't allowed to have beards/mustaches, yet from the picture it's clear that Teshik had a rather prominent beard and mustache. Might be worth noting.
 * 32) **Hmm, I'm pretty sure Teshik wasn't the only Naval officer with a mustache (Pellaeon comes to mind). I'll see what I can do. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***That's a good point. I dug up the quote, anyway: "The touch of white creeping in at his temples had prompted him to grow a black goatee—something that was strictly against Imperial regulations, but not being in the Imperial service anymore, he had no fear of flouting those regulations." It seems to be more about goatees solely, but if you can fit it in, it might make a good addition&mdash;it's up to you.
 * 34) * You should mention that Coh Veshiv was abducted from a space station above Esseles in the Core Worlds, part of Teshik's domain, and that that was why he was tasked with retrieving him. Also, if you could find a date for the abduction, please add it (I think it's 0 ABY or so).
 * 35) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Mention that Palpatine sent Teshik to the Hapes Cluster as an example to the other Grand Admirals that failure would not be tolerated and to keep them in line.
 * 37) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Based on the image, I think a brief description of some of the cybernetics he had on his head would be prudent (new eye, wires going in and out of his head, metal bolts and plates on his forehead, etc)
 * 39) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * It would be prudent to mention that, with the Executor destroyed, Grunger and Makati having fled, and Vader and Declann dead, Teshik was in command of the fleet. Also, I'd like to see mention of the retreat in there, since it's significant that he fought them off alone; Who's Who is very explicit about that, and as the NEC is written IU and by the New Republic, I think Who's Who supersedes it in this case.
 * 41) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * A mention of Teshik's tactical nous is needed, either in the early bio, Endor section, or P&T. "As a testament to Teshik's brilliance..."
 * 43) * Also, something about Teshik's dedication and taking his post very seriously, as well as his perseverance and refusal to give up (Hapes and Endor), should be mentioned in the P&T.
 * 44) * I'd like to see the BtS expanded a bit; start off with a paragraph explaining who created him in what work and when, and then that he wasn't mentioned in the EC but was given a backstory in Who's Who, etc.
 * 45) * There's a few bits missing from Dirty Dozen&mdash;"Teshik never doubted the good of the Empire," "[Palpatine] threatened Teshik with the loss of important parts of his anatomy (particularly his head) if he didn’t deal with the problem," "His hollow and synthetic laughter in response to the accusation was the saddest and most rancid sound the presiding Rebels had ever heard."
 * 46) * Also, if you could drag another paragraph of two out of it, I'd like to see the Bio subsectioned: "Grand Admiral" and "Battle of Endor" or somesuch.
 * 47) **Good stuff. Great character. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:56, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***I'll get to the rest later; I was leaving just when you posted. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:20, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Great work on the objections; everything was addressed exactly as I'd wanted. :-) The subsectioning and extra P&T paragraph also greatly improves the article's aesthetics. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:10, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) DC
 * 51) * "He was captured by the Alliance, and before being executed, he responded with mechanical laughter." He responded to what and to whom?
 * 52) * "The irony of this did not escape Teshik, as his last words before his execution were mechanical laughter." How are words formed from mechanical laughter?
 * 53) * Shouldn't the last paaragraph of the BTS be sourced?
 * 54) *Good article Tranner. DC 22:32, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ** First two All objections resolved per IRC discussion. DC 22:44, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) Toprawa:
 * 57) * This needs some kind of minor descriptor, either for the FarOrbit or the captain. FOr example, the renegade Captain Whoseits, or the Rebel ship FarOrbit, something: "For failing to recover Advisor Coh Veshiv from the crew of the Far Orbit and deal with its captain, Dhas Fenoep Vedij"
 * 58) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * The BTS "Cut content" section needs to be written from an IU perspective, per our CT.
 * 60) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * Brief descriptor for context please: "plundering of the Ringali Shell"
 * 62) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Please order the Source list by correct OOU publication date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:43, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Maladi

 * Nominated by: DC 05:46, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The long awaited Main Focus for WookieeProject Legacy Era. Finally...

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:27, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( Oya Manda! ) 23:45, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose


 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) *Eliminate the overlinking.
 * 3) *There has to be more quotes. Several I can think of.
 * 4) *Are the double & triple-references absolutely necessary in the places where they appear? If it is a matter of simply sourcing specific statements, please do so. If not, choose only one source if all contain the same information.
 * 5) * You say, "The assault on Ossus was a success, seeing the death of every Jedi present, with the exception of...". Either every Jedi died or they didn't.
 * 6) **Fixed.
 * 7) * The devestation of Ossus is a specific event that needs to be linked.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) * It wasn't a Jedi training center that was destroyed on Ossus, either&hellip;
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) * What kind of Vong seeds did Maladi mutate? Stated in the intro but not the body.
 * 12) **Though I'm pretty sure I didn't state that Maladi used Vong seeds in the intro, it's fixed.
 * 13) ***Correct. I was thinking of something else. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 20:17, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Though statistics showed..."Who's statistics?
 * 15) **Imperial. Fixed.
 * 16) * You say, "Maladi, in order to gain Veed's support for the coup, made him believe that the Sith were going to replace Fel with him, though Calixte, Veed's partner, knew she was going to trick Veed into service with Krayt." Unclear anaphor. I suggest breaking this in two, keeping in mind the reader needs to know who "she" is that was going to trick Veed.
 * 17) **Done.
 * 18) * Wyyrlok was more than "his trusted servant". A simple word addition will suffice. I removed the latter instance because when you place it at the first mention of said character it will eliminate the nececessity for the redundant description towards the end.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * You say, "Darth Krayt believed that while Roan Fel lived, he would pose a threat to his power." Another unclear anaphor. Was Fel threatening his own power? Reword so that the reader knows who would pose a threat to who's power.
 * 21) **Is that better?
 * 22) * There is an article that references the Skywalker family.
 * 23) **I know, and it's already linked to Skywalker. =P
 * 24) * Exactly why were Skywalker's healing abilities "precious to the Dark Lord"?
 * 25) **Explained.
 * 26) * Did Maladi really step on Hosk? A better choice of words please. "Maladi stepped upon a Bothan Jedi Master..."
 * 27) **Reworded.
 * 28) * This whole run-on is confusing. You say, "Torlin failed in his mission to find Skywalker, when he was killed on Ossus, where he suggested Skywalker may have went, by Calixte, disguised as Corde." Who was killed on Ossus? By who?
 * 29) **Fixed.
 * 30) ***Very good. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:43, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * You say, "She contacted Vikar Dorn...". Who is that? Some context please, in relation to Maladi/the situation.
 * 32) **Fixed.
 * 33) ***Good. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:43, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * You say,"The plan would turn out to be a disguise to lower Fel's personal defenses as Kruhl was klled by Fel..." Disguise what? The mission? Please clarify.
 * 35) **Clarified.
 * 36) *Why was Dorn killed by Maladi?
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) * You say, "The search for Cade Skywalker would prove to be easier than expected, as he decided to rescue Hosk Trey'lis..." Are you so sure? Did he decide to, or was he ordered?
 * 39) **Well, it complicated. Cade rescues Hosk partially because Luke tells him to do so, but Cade doesn't want Hosk to die or be tortured for him either. Cade tells Hosk that he doesn't want Hosk dying for him, so I just put both in there.
 * 40) * If you are going to say, "...he would not accept someone dying for him...", then explain why, which will require you to go into a relatively unrelated tangent, if only for clarification's sake. IMO, this little bit is unnecessary, & the article would benefit from its removal. IMO.
 * 41) **This, I disagree with. This is what drives Cade to do what he does. Yes, Luke tells him to rescue Hosk, but that really is the basis for Cade's rescue mission. I don't think an explanation is necessary, but I gave one anyway.
 * 42) *Link all marks of contact.
 * 43) * Rewrite the first line of the P&T. It reads like all she knew was how to obey Krayt, literally.
 * 44) **Done.
 * 45) ***Much better. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 22:19, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * You say, "Maladi loved to torture individuals..." Is this explicitly stated? If not, it is POV.
 * 47) **The statement is true, but not stated dircetly, so to be safe, I fixed it.
 * 48) * Same with, "...liked to be in control of sentients..."
 * 49) **Same as above.
 * 50) * Maladi loved to scheme people's demises."'' Same deal.
 * 51) **Not the same deal. Krayt stated this in Legacy 13.
 * 52) *No mention of Force lightning use in the bio? And as it is, in the BtS it is an unsourced statement. -- —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 05:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *What were Anakin Skywalker's decisions? Please clarify the correlation between his situation & Cade's.
 * 54) *Appropriately link the type of Star Destroyer that is Dauntless.
 * 55) *Please rephrase, "The plan would turn out to be just a disguise." It's not a halloween costume ;P
 * 56) *Was it physically Luke who ordered Cade to rescue Trey'lis?
 * 57) *You say, "However, what Krayt intended did not happen." What did Krayt intend? It may be touched on at the end of the preceding paragraph, but a smidge of context is needed here.
 * 58) *You say, "Calixte, who was still disguised as Morrigan Corde, rescued Skywalker from the Sith Temple." How was Calixte/Corde able to do this?
 * 59) *How was Rav defeated? The sentence prior merely states that they took his ship. Some context please.
 * 60) *Same section. Who is the "her" that Rav contacted? —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:40, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Let me know when you are in IRC. We can work some things out then. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 22:19, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Nas Choka

 * Nominated by: Harrar 16:55, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Long overdue&hellip;

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 * I've done what I can with pictures, but there is only one of Nas Choka himself. Others, like the Battle of Coruscant, will need to be cropped to remove the hand. I was thinking of one of Shimrra Jamaane, but if you look at his article all of his images are rather poor. Help would be greatly appreciated Harrar 16:55, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm now away until the 10th of September, with precious little internet access. I'll deal with any objections on my return. Harrar 10:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Rolf Treidum

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:07, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More DarkStryder goodness. I'm sensing a pattern with my noms.

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Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Two little things:
 * 2) * "Although Sarne wished the FarStar to locate him and call in a New Republic strike force, he wanted it to be on his own timetable, and at a place of his choosing." Why?
 * 3) **Added reasoning.
 * 4) ***Could you put it in the intro?
 * 5) ****Done. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:39, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * You keep referring to the Lialic II as that after it's been renamed. Shouldn't it be Lance of Endor?
 * 7) **Basically because it is an alias, and it is only known as the Lance of Endor to the FarStar and those governments it contacts. To Sarne, it is still the Lialic II - Treidum was responsible for renaming the ship to accomplish the mission assigned to him, doing it off his own initiative. The Millennium Falcon has several aliases, but I would think that it would be solely refered to as the Falcon in Han's article. Also, I felt it would be more confusing to switch to another name for the ship in the article. However, if you feel it should be changed, then I'll oblige. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:40, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Nah, it's fine.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:02, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:12, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Yomin Carr

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:24, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first Yuuzhan Vong FA nom.

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 * 1) DC 19:44, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Some spelling errors, but corrected Enochf 23:35, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) DC
 * 2) * "The team decided to send three people in an old Spacecaster ship." Who are they, besides from Danni Quee, whom you already mentioned was going.
 * 3) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Explain how Da'Gara captured Quee and killed the other two scientists.
 * 5) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "He informed him that a team was heading for Helska IV, where the "asteroid" had crashed." You had told us that the object intruduing the galaxy was a comet. Which is it?
 * 7) **Good catch. Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Good article. DC 21:20, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kolatill

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:09, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Still DarkStryder, but a planet nom for a change.

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Waru

 * Nominated by: 02:22, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A project at least one year and three months in the making.

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Support
 * 1) I read it yesterday and to my addmittedly not incredibly refined pallete...Incredible. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:08, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) DC 17:52, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) See, this is what happens when you take LSD, kids. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:37, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) DC
 * 2) * When you say Hethrir is Anakin's apprentice, you mean Vader, don't you?
 * 3) **Yes. Forgot a pipelink.
 * 4) * "Likewise, Waru's own history was largely a mystery." POVish.
 * 5) **Explicitly stated in an IU source (EC & NEC). I just reworded so as to not steal the words.
 * 6) * Could you mention Xaverri's connection to Han Solo?
 * 7) **Mentioned.
 * 8) * "Waru was largely mysterious being, partially due to the unknowns surrounding his home and his species. As such, his actions and motives were often hard to understand." This seems like POV and OR.
 * 9) **Like above; stated in TCS, EC, NEC, and EGtC.
 * 10) * "The Cult of Waru, and the being himself, welcomed all forms of sentience into their halls, including the oft-ignored droid." Is C-3P0 the "oft ignored" droid you're talking about?
 * 11) **Well, that was meant in general, as in... hmm. It's kind of hard to explain. Essentially, what I'm saying is that droids in general were often ignored, especially in religious circles, but the Cult was different. Does that fix the issue?
 * 12) *** Well, just make it more clear so a reader doesn't think it's C-3PO; make it clear that it's any old droid that could be excepted.
 * 13) ****Objection resolved per IRC discussion. DC 17:51, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Was there any known reception to Pena's poems about Waru?
 * 15) **None. Not from the original thread or the blog. :(
 * 16) *Great article. I might return for more though... DC 17:51, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **You have fun with that ;) 01:55, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * For your viewing pleasure:

Shandy Fanaso

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:42, 26 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Great character from Jason Fry's new short story (go read it.) Might be a tad rusty, since I haven't done one of these for a while.

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