Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Evir Derricote


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/4 Users/9 Total)
Support
 * 1) Back with another character from the X-Wing series. All comments and criticisms are welcome. Thanks! --Colinmcev 07:20, 11 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:21, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) A good read; nicely done.  Greyman ( Talk ) 05:18, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Nice job, Colin. Brought me back to when I first read the X-wing series. I'm beginning to really enjoy your nominations. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:12, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I had trouble revising a couple of those sentences, but that may have had more to do with my present sleep deficiency than anything inherent to the sentences themselves.  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 14:23, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 21:33, 22 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 17:20, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) That's... really comprehensive Enochf 21:39, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Queue Derricote, queue!  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:01, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From a quick glance, the succession box at the bottom needs to be referenced like you would the infobox. Names, titles, dates, etc. I'm looking forward to going through this article. It looks good from what I can see :)  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:33, 11 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Done. And thanks! I enjoyed working on it. --Colinmcev 14:43, 11 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From Admirable's Ackbar
 * 4) * You mention, indirectly, the Battle of Borleais in the first paragraph of the biography. I would advise against this, since it assumes the reader has read the intro. The biography should be able to stand alone. If you know what I mean. I would change "...serve him on Borleias" to "...serve him in later years" or something to that effect.
 * 5) **I gotcha. Changed it to later years. --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * You mention that he gained the rank of Colonel in the first paragraph, and then that he was a colonel before Yavin in the next paragraph. Same thing with the 181st in those two paragraphs. Please adjust.
 * 7) **Fixed the first one. As for the second, I took the 181st reference out of Early Life and moved it to the first paragraph of the next section. What do you think? --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Perfect. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:21, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Same thing as the first objection in the last paragraph of "Commander of the 181st." If someone knew nothing about the character and hadn't read the intro, they would be confused by this. I suggest a similar solution to the first objection.
 * 10) **Got it. I'll have to keep this in mind for future contributions. --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * Please give Fel a rank or something when you introduce him.
 * 12) **I added a rank. Do you think that's enough? I figured the rest of the background is covered by the Rand Ecliptic reference later that sentence. --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Looks fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:21, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * "...remind them we're here" should probably be paraphrased without the quotation marks.
 * 15) **Changed it to "draw attention to the wing." --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Palpatine, who seemed became familiar with Derricote". Wording is off there. I would've fixed it myself, but I wasn't sure entirely what you were saying, and having not read the source material I might've messed it up.
 * 17) **Whoops. Fixed. --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * In "Creating the Emperor's Plague," you again mention events which haven't happened at that point in time. "Derricote developed this particular plague more than two years before engineering the Krytos virus that would be unleashed upon Coruscant." I understand that what you're saying is important, but I would move this that sentence and everything after it in that paragraph further down, to where the Krytos virus is mentioned.
 * 19) **I started to put this in with the Krytos virus section, but then I thought maybe it works better in the last "Emperor's Plague surfacing" section. I thought it worked there better, but let me know what you think; we could easily bump it back up. --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Looks fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:22, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * There's a lot of present tense in the P&T. Please sort this out.
 * 22) **I think I got it all. --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * I would like you to link everything once in the Intro and once in the main body. Also, you should look for where you can link articles, since I noticed some places where a link could've been inserted.
 * 24) **Done on the first part. As for the second, you were right, I found a lot of things that could've been linked. I think I got them all but if you see any more, feel free to fix them or let me know.
 * 25) ***Looks fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:21, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *Great work on this. It's nice to see noms from my favorite books, particularly non-Rogue articles. Excellent image choices, too. Keep up the good work :) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:52, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Thanks! --Colinmcev 05:11, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) Toprawa:
 * 29) * The introduction is too overdone. I'd like to see just two solid paragraphs, while cutting off the fat and leaving the most important facts.
 * 30) **I tightened it into two paragraphs. Let me know what you think, and whether you think anything I cut should have stayed in. --Colinmcev 02:52, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *** Can you add a little bit to the second mention of the Emperor's Plague, explaining what became of the project? Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:17, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ****What do you think of it now? --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *****Good job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:12, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * This objection may be N/A after your changes to the previous one, but you say that, "after leading the 181st to victory at the Battle of Derra IV in 3 ABY, was promoted to General and given command of an Imperial outpost on Borleias," and then follow it up with, "Before accepting the post around 4 ABY..." I added the 3 ABY for you, but Derra IV took place early in 3 ABY, just prior to Hoth. Something doesn't quite add up to me if he was given the post but didn't accept it until a year later?
 * 35) **I fixed this when I tightened the intro. Basically, what I was trying to say was Derricote was given command of Borleias after the Battle of Derra IV, but he was given his special assignment by Palpatine sometime before he actually assumed command, which happened somewhere between the battle in 3 ABY and Palpatine's death in 4 ABY. I explained this very poorly in the intro, but I think in the article itself it's pretty clear, so I think this objection has been addressed now. --Colinmcev 02:52, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Do we know what Star Destroyer this was, specifically? Also, was the 181st attached to this Star Destroyer? If so, I would like to see a description of this much earlier in the article: "Upon returning to the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer after the battle"
 * 37) **Unfortunately, I don't believe it is known what Star Destoyer this is. I only know from the Baron Fel comic that there was a Star Destroyer there, it's never identified. If it's too distracting, I can remove the reference to the Destroyer altogether? --Colinmcev 02:52, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) ***It's fine. Do we know whether or not the 181st was attached to the ship at all? Or, at least attached to the ship during at mission? Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:17, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ****It was just for this battle, so I threw in a reference to that. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Please remove this clause. This is same thing as saying "It is unknown how she became aware of him...": "It is known only to Isard how she became aware of Derricote and how familiar she was with his Borleias operation"
 * 41) **Done. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * Minor clarification request: You mean running around hysterically? I also seem to remember that some just lay on the ground lethargically. Perhaps add a little bit? "and they ran began running hysterically"
 * 43) **Fixed. And during this last stage, it's all hysterics; in earlier stages, its more lathargic. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Can you specify the two names? "a combination of the world names of the viruses he combined"
 * 45) **Unfortunately, I can't find this information ANYWHERE. It's inexplicable to me that Derricote mentions in WG that its a combination of the world names, but he doesn't mention the damn names. If anyone finds this, it would be VERY helpful to me, particularly because the Krytos virus is my next FA nomination after this one. As it is, if this reference is too distracting without the world names, I could remove it. Let me know what you think. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ***No, it's ok. Too bad we can't get the names. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:12, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) * Please confirm for me that Wedge's Gamble explicitly alludes to this: "and became one of the most notable and prolific uses of biological warfare in the galaxy"
 * 48) **Actually, the comments before it and after it are WG, but that particular comment should really be attributed to the Young Jedi Knights series. I fixed that. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Please remove this unknown: "it is unknown whether the Krytos Plague stored in the Emperor's Plague Storehouse was a different virus with the same name, or whether Derricote somehow smuggled some of the real Krytos virus into the storehouse in 6.5 ABY."
 * 50) **This essentially deals with a continuity error. In YJK: The Emperor's Plague, one of the characters discovered the Krytos virus being stored, even though the storehouse was sealed up prior to 4 ABY and the virus wasn't created until 6ish ABY. I felt this was important to address since, obviously, I couldn't just leave it out. But I reworded it to remove the unknown bits, let me know if you thin it's better. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Good, your change is perfect. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:12, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * This sentence is riddled with speculation and the same unknown phrasing. I would consider removing entirely if you can't reword this: "The exact whereabouts of the plague she took were unknown, but they were likely protected by Raabakyysh, Tarkona's Wookiee companion who exiled herself to an unknown planet after realizing the extent of her former master's evil."
 * 53) **Fixed. The book indicates it stays with Raaba but doesn't explicitly say it. I think it's safe to leave in the reference as I have it now, but if you think its too weak I can remove it altogether too. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Nice. That's just how it should read.
 * 55) ****One thing I want to ask you about, is the "unknown" planet she was exiled to unknown from an in-universe planet, or unknown simply because it was never stated by the author? Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:12, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) *****I had thought it was an unknown planet, but looking back, it more specifically said an unnamed planet in the Outer Rim. I changed the article accordingly. --Colinmcev 04:23, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * Please reword this sentence, while removing the speculative "seem": "These reactions seem to be a combination of cruelty, Imperial Humanocentric speciesism and a scientific detachment from his work." Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:18, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **Got it. --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * Make sure the categories at the bottom of the page are arranged in alphabetical order. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:23, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) **You saved the easiest for last! ;) --Colinmcev 03:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 62) * " twice as many hours to reach" Twice as many hours as what?
 * 63) **Hm...I'm not sure what that was about. My mistake; fixed it. --Colinmcev 04:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * A little context on the collapse of the Empire, i.e. Battle of Endor, might be good
 * 65) **Added a mention to the "Borleias and the Alderaan Biotics facility" section. --Colinmcev 04:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) *" But Derricote revealed his secret defense measures, which Loor failed to discover during his review." This clause doesn't read well, and it could be integrated into another sentence.
 * 67) **I eliminated the sentence and integrated it into two different sentences in the paragraph. --Colinmcev 04:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * " But he took an immediate dislike to Corran Horn, the Rogue Squadron pilot captured by Isard during the Battle of Coruscant". Same thing here. I'm not a big fan of starting sentences with and or but.
 * 69) **Fixed it. Is that better? --Colinmcev 04:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * Lots of short, choppy paragraphs in P&T could be combined.
 * 71) **Better? --Colinmcev 04:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:19, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 19:15, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Not really an objection, but I think it would look much better in the intro if you could provide an actual estimate for the lives lost due to the viruses. I remember reading it when working on Isard; I'll look it up and get back to you. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 08:35, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I will check, but if you can find that yourself I'd much appreciate it. The only reference I recall finding so far was hundreds of thousands, if not millions, as I put it, but I think it'd be stronger with something more exact. If you find it before I do, let me know where you find it. --Colinmcev 14:17, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately, I can't find the exact reference :(. I suggest you just go for millions, though, if the source says "thousands or millions." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:54, 12 March 2008 (UTC)