Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Tan Divo

Tan Divo

 * Nominated by: Coruscantfan (Talk) 13:34, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Arrogant, but maybe also underestimated?

Attack preliminaries

 * I feel like the P&T can be beefed up a lot. Take note of all of his dialogue, his actions, etc. and then see what they say about his personality. That includes what he thinks of himself, how he operates (be specific!), what others think of his capability&mdash;the fact that Ion called him "useless," and the fact that he swept the Papanoida apartment "thoroughly" but missed the Icon of the Moon Goddess should tell you something about him. Please see what you can do to expand his P&T; there's a lot more that can be said about him. Make sure you double-check all source material outside of the episodes as well.  CC7567  (talk) 23:08, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * Expanded. I did double check the sources but they really don't say anything that isn't already covered in the online entry in the Encyclopedia. Coruscantfan (Talk) 04:49, August 6, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please split up that big paragraph. Referring to the "Senate Murders" investigation as the episode name definitely is not appropriate; please find another way to format it. Also, I would ask that you provide more examples for the traits that you just added. When you say "Divo seemed useless to outsiders," outsiders such as who? (And what are "outsiders" here? It doesn't sound appropriate to say without further explanation.) When you say "Divo came close to arresting the wrong person," who is the wrong person? When it comes to the P&T section, it's always best to be as specific as possible. I realize that the inclination is to be more general in terms of his personality, but you need to back up what you say with specific evidence&mdash;and that's by being specific in providing examples. In addition, I'm noticing a number of grammar and sentence flow errors in your additions, particularly with missing punctuation. Please read through them carefully to catch them.  CC7567  (talk) 07:27, August 6, 2012 (UTC)
 * I rewrote the paragraph, split it, and made some other adjustments. The grammar and so forth should also be fixed. Coruscantfan (Talk) 23:06, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
 * Do we really know that Divo was a lieutenant by 22 BBY? If it's true, that isn't sourceable to the Encyclopedia, so please find a source that explicitly states it or remove this unverified info.
 * Reworded.
 * I'm still failing to see where the 22 BBY date is coming from. "Sphere of Influence" does not state that Divo was a lieutenant at the start of the war, nor does the Annual place the episode then. Please clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 05:35, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I'm going to need some help on the whole date thing. Obviously I'm trying to say he made it to lieutenant by the time of the episode. However, actually sourcing the dating of the episodes I have no clue how as I know there was a new time line put out which messed several thing up. But even after reading your summary I'm not sure how to accurately source the date for both episodes. Suggestions? Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:22, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * I believe you're talking about the new timeline from The Ultimate Visual Guide, so the only change was from "c. 21 BBY" to "21 BBY." The 22 BBY date is extrapolation and needs to be dropped, while the sourcing for the 21 BBY date is currently fine; it can be sourced to the Star Wars Annual 2011, which it currently is. "Senate Murders" has no confirmed date beyond the general c. 21 BBY one.  CC7567  (talk) 06:28, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:45, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Is there a reason why Ion isn't mentioned in the bio? The fact that Divo reported his findings (or lack thereof) to Papanoida and Ion after he was finished in the apartment is definitely relevant info. Please check to see if anything else can be added from "Sphere of Influence."
 * Done. I don't see anything else relevant.
 * The coverage of "Senate Murders" in the bio is also rather scant. I realize that we shouldn't be copying every single detail from the episode into articles, but there's definitely room to expand the "Homicide case" section. For example, the actual reason that Amidala and Organa went to the docks is absent from the article. Why did they go there? Also, there's no detailed background on Farr's death or the fact that it coincided with the ongoing bill in the Senate. "Before he could do so, Purs was revealed by Amidala to be the culprit and the Rodian was instead arrested." How was Purs "revealed" to be the culprit? How did she kill Farr? Where were Divo and Purs when this happened? Were there others with them? What did Purs do after the truth was revealed? Most important, what did Divo do with his quick-thinking to arrest Purs? (That's missing from the P&T as well.) Much of the missing info concerns dialogue, which is just as important as the characters' actions in the episode. In general, this section sounds like it would belong in the intro rather than the body due to this level of coverage, so please rewatch the episode and beef up the section. There's a good deal of stuff to add that's explicitly shown on-screen, and also connections to be drawn from that stuff seen on-screen. There is also potentially stuff that will need to be added to the P&T once you've expanded "Homicide case," so please check as you go.
 * Done.
 * Please split up all of the big paragraphs, for this section and throughout the rest of the article, particularly the intro. I'll be running through specifics with you once I start reviewing.  CC7567  (talk) 05:35, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:22, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please note that the correct formatting for episode names is quotation marks (i.e. "Senate Murders"); italics are reserved for major works like the series itself, instead of individual episodes. Please rectify this in the Bts.  CC7567  (talk) 08:40, August 12, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 04:35, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Quotation marks always need to be placed outside punctuation.  CC7567  (talk) 05:35, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:22, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please double-check all of your linking. Gray and red are disambiguation pages, and we don't link to disambigs in the in-universe section of articles. I would also recommend double-checking for overlinking and underlinking while you're at it.
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:22, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Once you've adjusted the paragraph sizes, please also adjust the image placement. It's looking rather like an image farm right now, so some need to be moved or removed.  CC7567  (talk) 05:35, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * The paragraphs have been adjusted so the images should be fine now. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:22, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * I would still recommend removing either File:HalleBurtoniArrested-SM.jpg or File:TanDivo-SWE.jpg. The fact that the former is to the right of a section title should indicate that they're just too close. One of them needs to be moved elsewhere in the article, or removed altogether.  CC7567  (talk) 06:28, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 06:45, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * All image captions need to follow Forum:CT Archive/Punctuation in image captions.  CC7567  (talk) 06:49, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 07:09, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please check the image for "A second murder." That caption isn't a sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 07:16, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 07:18, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * The caption is now a sentence fragment; it still isn't a complete sentence. If you want to keep the punctuation, there needs to be a complete sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 07:24, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * I have a headache... XD Coruscantfan (Talk) 07:26, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Update required for 🇸🇪.  CC7567  (talk) 18:29, September 30, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 04:53, October 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * His reliance on droids needs to be mentioned. Please take the time to read through the source and add what's relevant.  CC7567  (talk) 14:25, October 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 01:06, October 9, 2012 (UTC)

Floyd

 * Calling him "pompous" in the intro seems POV.
 * Pompous is directly taken from the Encycolpedia entry on StarWars.com
 * Articles for Papanoida's daughters?
 * Done.
 * To keep a sense of chronology in the intro, I think you shouldn't mention the murder of Deechi until it actually occurs.
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 19:49, September 8, 2012 (UTC)
 * This article could use a good copyedit.
 * I've gone through and made some changes but this is probably going to need an outside source to copyedit.
 * Seeing some linking issues.
 * Same as above objection.
 * Initial investigation: The phrase "taking refreshments" sounds really awkward.
 * Fixed.
 * Article for the poison that killed Farr?
 * Its linked to poison.
 * Coruscantfan, have you gone through all of your source material? Star Wars: The Clone Wars Official Episode Guide Series 1 & 2 identifies the poison as Manax-root poison, and it also mentions Divo, yet it isn't listed as a source in the article. Please check the book and other related source material.  CC7567  (talk) 14:03, September 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * I haven't been able to get access to the book from a local library but I've added the information you listed. Coruscantfan (Talk) 20:27, October 15, 2012 (UTC)
 * I don't have access to my copy at the moment, but I'm sure there are other users who do; you might consider checking which user pages link to the book in their collections. Please see what you can do, as this is required by GAN Rule 3. Also, apologies&mdash;I made a mistake about the poison; it's not Manax-root and hasn't been identified by name.  CC7567  (talk) 00:46, October 16, 2012 (UTC)
 * You should try to rewrite the Initial investigation section to read more from Divo's perspective.
 * Done.
 * You aren't consistent with your capitalization of "Senator".
 * In some cases its a title and others its a just a common noun. I did find two places where it was capitalized but shouldn't have been.
 * Context on what an LEP droid was.
 * Done.
 * A second murder: "Divo questioned the remaining others who else was aware" This is jumbled up pretty badly.
 * Done.
 * A lot of that section is very choppy.
 * Done.
 * A lot of the P&T is just a retread of what happened in the biography, and doesn't all directly address Divo's personality and capabilities. You did a good job beefing it up, but it needs to be refined a bit.
 * Done, I think. Coruscantfan (Talk) 00:29, September 20, 2012 (UTC)
 *  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 22:33, September 2, 2012 (UTC)

Cav

 * Intro: you mention that Divo was investigating the murders of Farr and Deechi, but then later state that Deechi's body was found after the investigation began. The order of events in chronologically confusing. Please clarify. Also, the intro makes it sound like Deechi's body was found at the docks, when the bio indicates otherwise.
 * Done.
 * Is there an article to be linked to for Papanoida's rescue of his daughters?
 * Nope.
 * Quote: "Senator Amidala, is possible you may be going deaf?" - is there a word missing here? Should it be "is it possible"? - Cavalier One FarStar.svg( Squadron channel ) 09:16, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * Yep, my fault, simple typo. Coruscantfan (Talk) 01:15, October 9, 2012 (UTC)

Divo

 * In the intro: A couple uses of "the" are confusing --- "Though Divo made assurances of his ultimate success in the investigation, the police droids had missed blood..." Since this is the first time the police droids are mentioned, it's probably better to provide context with a statement like "his police droids" or "the police droids on the case," since just saying "the police droids" sounds like the reader should already be familiar with them. Also, "during a scan of the apartment" --- whose apartment?
 * Done.
 * In "Initial investigation" --- can you early on in this section establish that the Republic and the Senate are headquartered on Coruscant? It doesn't actually come up until the Coruscant docks are later mentioned. An unfamiliar reader might not know where all this is taking place. Saying something like "Coruscant's Senate Building" would do the trick.
 * Done.
 * The first paragraph of this section is also missing a reference tag.
 * Done.
 * Is Divo a detective? "Behind the scenes" seems to imply that he is, but the word doesn't come up anywhere else in the article.
 * Yes and no. Explanation here, beginning of the second paragraph. The detective article you link to above also gives an explanation.
 * "Later, Divo responded to the Coruscant docks after CSF forces had responded to an attempt..." Can you vary up the use of "responded" ? Menkooroo (talk) 13:53, October 7, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Coruscantfan (Talk) 01:34, October 9, 2012 (UTC)
 * "Divo also lectured Amidala that he firmly believed in the importance of rules as without them, there would be chaos; thus they were essential to the maintenance of order." This kind of detail is good for "Personality and traits" (where you already have it) but is a bit too much of a line-by-line recount of a conversation for the biography.
 * Done.
 * "In order to secure the life of the other senators, Divo told them they would be placed under the protection of CSF and Senate Guard forces, but Lolo Purs refused and left the room." Are they still in Deechi's office? If so, how did Lolo get there?
 * Clarified
 * Skin color should be noted at the beginning of P&T.
 * Done.
 * "Reasonably, Divo could not have been expected to find blood underneath the icon as he had no reason to suspect it." That reads a lot like original research. As does the follow-up conclusion: "however, at the same time, the Papanoidas had failed to inform Divo of the discrepancy in their apartment and thereby did not provide Divo a vital clue that could have helped him solve the case." These kinds of inferences and conclusions don't really have a place in articles; we need to report on the facts without drawing conclusions from them.
 * I reworded that section, hopefully that will work better.
 * ""and also failed to question why it was separate." Separate from what?
 * Sentence removed due to above objection.
 * "Divo displayed both the calmness and cynicism of a typical police officer" Can that be sourced to Senate Murders? The only other police officers in that episode are droids. As lame as this sounds, unless there's a source saying that that's what police officers are typically like in the Star Wars universe, then it should be jettisoned.
 * I know you're correct but I want to scream: "SERIOUSLY?!" lol... Anyway, I added sources that do mention that.
 * Statements such as "Divo was the opposite of a politician" and "This thought showed that..." also read like original research. The former should go, but the latter would be fine if it were reworded to focus solely on his keen sense for motive. The problem with saying things like "this showed that" is that they read like out-of-universe statements from an investigative essay, when it's an in-universe article that should be free of opinions, inferences, and authorial commentary. Later on, the sentence beginning with "Likewise, Divo's interrogation of Burtoni showed that he had completed a fairly through investigation" would be more in-universe and less original-research if it left out that first part and just stated that he completed a thorough investigation. Ditto "This demonstrated that while Divo may have..." and "Though he seemed incompetent, Divo's actions proved he was..." Tackle these sentences and see what you can do.
 * They should all be fixed.
 * Alphabetize those Encyclopedia entries in the Sources section! Even though this is his article, Divo's shouldn't go first. ;)
 * Damn. :)
 * His voice actor will need to be sourced to something in "Behind the scenes" as it's not a self-sourcing statement.
 * Done.
 * "Behind the scenes" echoes some of the original research from the P&T: "Divo is dismissed as useless by the characters and blamed for failing to notice a clue though it had been the characters who had failed to point out the fact the icon had been moved which Divo and his droids would have had no reason to notice." Objectionable for the same reasons as stated above. :D
 * Sigh, well, I think that one should be fixed?
 * The "Adding Columbo to Star Wars" link has some more BTS info --- namely, that Tom Kenny drew inspiration from Columbo. There's some more good stuff in there, too, like comparing him to Kojak, comparing him to someone stepping out of another dimension, etc. Go through the whole thing and see what you can add. Menkooroo (talk) 12:32, October 9, 2012 (UTC)
 * I added some information from there. Coruscantfan (Talk) 21:13, October 15, 2012 (UTC)