Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Slick (clone)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Slick (clone)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 21:06, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: He's such an intriguing character that I decided to take a break from battles. :P

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1) ShaakTi1138 07:48, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:27, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Very good sir. –Victor Squishy Vic.png (talk page ) 05:41, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:42, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:46, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:55, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) CC gives me a new appreciation for TCW. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:58, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I'll go through with a more in-depth review in a bit but something I noticed right off the bat was that starting with "During the Clone Wars, a clone trooper in the Grand Army of the Republic took the nickname of Slick." sounds very story-ish. Change to something more like "Slick was a clone trooper (or the nickname of a clone trooper) of the Grand Army of the Republic during the Clone Wars.." It sounds more encyclopedic.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:59, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Eh, okay. I got it.  CC7567  (talk) 02:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Hello there.
 * 2) * In the infobox, is all that 'trivia' required (referring to his sub-affiliations)? I personally like it and I'm all for it, but unfortunately stuff like that is further explored in the article rather than the infobox since it sorta clogs it up, and I've never seen it on other FAs, namely Appo (501st Legion not listed) and Bly (327th Star Corps not listed). It doesn't bother me, but I am just unfamiliar with the 'preferences' here for FAs. Don't know if it's been discussed or what on the IRC and such. And on that note, shouldn't "Formerly" be lowercase?
 * 3) **I've taken care of both for now; yes, it's somewhat of a preference.
 * 4) *In the introduction...
 * 5) ** "Slick was a nickname of a clone trooper sergeant in the Grand Army of the Republic." Shouldn't it be "Slick was the nickname of a clone..."? He doesn't have more nicknames, does he? We're specifically told he's known as Slick and Slick only.
 * 6) ***Whoops, addressed.
 * 7) ** "He began to develop a hatred for his Jedi commanding officers, believing that he and his fellow clone brothers were acting as their puppets." Second sentence, sort of flies out of nowhere. Where's the context on this?
 * 8) ***I don't understand what you mean; I feel that it's clear how it is right now. I've edited it a little, but please clarify what you mean by this. There isn't "context" for it, as it was only mentioned; there weren't specific situations given that molded his views on this.
 * 9) ****Yeah, that was my bad, I misread the sentence. –Victor Squishy Vic.png (talk page ) 05:55, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ** As far as I know, "Clone Captain" and "Clone Commander" shouldn't be capitalized. Or am I wrong here?
 * 11) ***They're capitalized because it's supposed to be "Commander CC-2224" and "Captain CC-7567"; the capitalization is part of their addressed ranks.  CC7567  (talk) 07:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *More later. I rather know how I'm doing so far before I continue trying to review. –Victor  Sienar.svg (talk page ) 06:17, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) Darth Trayus again.
 * 14) *Intro:
 * 15) ** You begin describing the conflict between the Republic and the Confederacy without actually naming it.
 * 16) ***Oops, got that.
 * 17) ** I would cut out the bolded Republic in "..betrayed the Galactic Republic and began to pass inside Republic information to the Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress...". Its a redundancy and overuse of the word.
 * 18) ***Addressed.
 * 19) ** A lot of the second paragraph is a little foggy. For instance, when you say the Jedi went in search of information, what Jedi are you talking about? What information are they looking for?
 * 20) ***Addressed.
 * 21) ** You also say "In the clone's preceding investigation...". Is preceding the word you meant to use? The investagation came before what?
 * 22) ***Blarg. Addressed.
 * 23) ** I would include maybe one sentence on the investegation itself, like the interrogations in his barracks.
 * 24) ***Addressed.
 * 25) *Bio:
 * 26) ** Was it ever confirmed that Slick was payed credits? I thought he only ever said she offered him money, but what really mattered was his freedom.
 * 27) ***It's heavily implied; yes, he only said that she offered credits to him, but he also said that she offered him freedom. Since he obviously got his "freedom", I believe it can be inferred.
 * 28) ****I'll agree with you on that.
 * 29) ** This is kind of a literary aesthetics issue, but I would encourage some more chronological modifiers when beginning new sentences, like when, while, later, as a result of.... For instance when you say "However, this tactic put Rex and Cody on the lead that the traitor was one of the clones themselves. Slick reported the Jedi's mission to Ventress, and the Dark Acolyte planned to confront them at the Confederacy's base.", the second sentence doesn't seem to connect with the first in any way. This might be a little picky but its just something I noticed while reading through.
 * 30) ***Addressed.
 * 31) ** Same goes for the whole first paragraph in "Turncoat revealed". There's no indication as to when that event takes place in relation to other events.
 * 32) ***Addressed.
 * 33) ** Was the act of stringing together the droid fingers forbidden? Or was it the taking of the fingers?
 * 34) ***Whoops, addressed.
 * 35) ** How did Slick reveal he knew about the Jedi's mission?
 * 36) ***Addressed.
 * 37) ** "The clone traitor activated thermal detonators, destroying the gunships and AT-TE walkers on the landing platform as well as the weapons depot." Again, when did he do this? Immediatly, or a while later? Was it just at a random moment or was it while Rex and Cody were on the platform?
 * 38) ***Addressed.
 * 39) ** The use of "lashed out" is unclear. Was he just yelling at him or fighting him? All "lashed out" implies is aggression.
 * 40) ***Addressed.
 * 41) ****There's still a second "lashed out" at the bottom of that paragraph.
 * 42) *****Blarg, targeted and destroyed.  CC7567  (talk) 05:50, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ** He attempted to undermine the Jedi by stating his reasoning? I'm not sure that makes sense. Undermine means "to injure or destroy by insidious activity or imperceptible stages, sometimes tending toward a sudden dramatic effect." Rewording may be in order.
 * 44) ***Addressed.
 * 45) ** Overall,I would also be more consistent with your use of Rex and Cody's nicknames and formal designations in those last two paragraphs in the bio.
 * 46) ***Eh...I'm just going with nicknames there.
 * 47) *P&T:
 * 48) ** "However, while Slick took action in the face of his clone brothers, he put forth his own pursuits of greater deeds, unaware of the danger that he imposed to his fellow clone troopers." Um..what? It might just be me but I think this sentence needs to either be specified or reworded.
 * 49) ***Addressed, hopefully.
 * 50) ** Talking about his ruthlessness as evidenced by his willingness to strike at Rex and Cody's head isn't the best idea. Cody punched him right in the face there at the end, and I don't think anyone would catagorize that as a ruthless action.
 * 51) ***Addressed.
 * 52) *The rest looks good to me. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 05:05, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **Thanks for the review, Trayus.  CC7567  (talk) 05:25, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Thanks for addressing it so promptly :) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 05:47, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) Small thing for you:
 * 56) * You alternate calling Cody and Rex by the nicknames and by their designations. I'd just pick one and stick with it. I'd recommend just using the nicknames.
 * 57) **Eh, per Imp's comments below, I'm not sure whether to try and alternate or stick with the nicknames. Using only nicknames may be better in some respects for consistency, but it ignores the CT. I'll talk to you on IRC when I get the chance. I agree with you that consistency would be better, and I'm willing to change it, I just want to clarify what to do, per the result of said CT.  CC7567  (talk) 21:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *Good work otherwise.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:38, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) From the priest's chambers
 * 60) * Can he change some of the "he"s in the intro. Something like "the disenchanted clone sergeant" or something with a little more pinache!
 * 61) **As long as it's not flowery with prose. :P
 * 62) * "that Slick had caused from contacting Ventress every several days" &mdash; "every several days" doesn't seem to work. Every has connotations of each day, whereas several doesn't. So, while it makes sense, it sounds off. Can we reword this?
 * 63) **Addressed; hopefully "few" works better.
 * 64) * CC, can you vary "traitor" with more neutral language such as "double-agent" or "spy"? While Slick is of course canonically a traitor, we have to remember this isn't written from a Republic or CIS perspective.
 * 65) **Hopefully that's enough; if there's more changes necessary, please let me know.
 * 66) *Very clean; also the only Clone Wars episode I've watched! Well done. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 14:42, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) **Thanks, and I'm honored that he's in the only episode you've actually come across. :P  CC7567  (talk) 15:59, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * I'm having a difficult time recalling a source that had Dave Filoni saying, "Rex is different from Cody, who is different from a clone I can't tell you about" or something like that. I'm not sure if Filoni meant Slick, and even though it might be rather speculative, I'm trying to find the source. If you have any leads, please let me know.  CC7567  (talk) 21:06, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Oh, and I hope you like P&Ts.  CC7567  (talk) 21:06, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Shouldn't Cody be referred to by his designation rather than his nickname? It seems to be the encyclopedic route to take. --Imperialles 21:11, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Discussed in IRC and taken care of.  CC7567  (talk) 21:47, 30 May 2009 (UTC)