Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Tyluun Night-Soarer


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Tyluun Night-Soarer

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 05:14, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Marvel and KOTOR: by your powers combined, I am Captain Planet

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 03:56, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ~ SavageBob 04:59, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Mauser  Comlink 09:41, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:39, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "They were bipedal in form, of both blue and brown skin coloration": on the choppy side.
 * 3) * "In a departure from the usual non-lethal nature of the competition, in this round": slightly choppy as well.
 * 4) * By "vemon", I'm unsure if you mean "venom"; please check.
 * 5) * "Following this, the Night-soarers did not reappear in Star Wars continuity for 30 years, until reappearing": please reword one of the "reappear"s.
 * 6) * CC7567  (talk) 06:24, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Hopefully they'll all be fixed up. Intros are not my favourite task! --Eyrezer 07:34, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "With these, the Night-soarers were capable of independent flight. Night-soarers had five fingered hands that were tipped with sharp claws." Also a bit choppy; might want to try playing around with the first sentence.
 * 9) **Cleaned up --Eyrezer 03:16, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *" Competitor" was used a bit excessively in the article. I reworded one (feel free to change), but I think the other one needs to be reworded as well; there were at least three remaining, I believe.  CC7567  (talk) 08:12, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **It's now in there only twice - once for each fight --Eyrezer 03:16, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) The Galactic Republic section is a tad confusing. I find myself wondering how many Night-Soarers there are, despite the fact that you state there are two. Also, you seem to contradict yourself and repeat events in those two paragraphs. All in all, that section just confused me and should be modified. If you need more specific details, I can try to give them to you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:19, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *I wouldn't mind some more info. Both Night-Soarers attacked Goethar, if that is why you think I repeated events. I've changed the first paragraph around a little bit, which may help. --Eyrezer 23:25, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Hmm...it seems better today. :P I made a small change, but it's basically just a wording edit.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Cheers for the review. Good change, by the way. It works well. --Eyrezer 23:40, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 17) * The opening quote is a bit confusing without a bit more context. Could you add a short note about what the situation is? Perhaps "Bardron to Jervo Thalien at the Blah Blah Games" or whatever it is.
 * 18) **Done
 * 19) * "...working in pairs, they attempted to defeat their opponents..." It's unclear what they're trying to defeat them in. Combat? A race? Basketball?
 * 20) **added a bit about non-lethal weapons --Eyrezer 03:16, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * In the same section, it gets confusing trying to figure who's doing what. Could you go through and make sure the antecedents are clear on all the theys and thems and pairs?
 * 22) **How does it look now? --Eyrezer 03:25, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Apparently, these guys can and do speak Basic, which should be noted somewhere.
 * 24) **Lol, I did have this in there, but I thought it might be too presumptuous to assume they are speaking Basic in the comic... :P Added in. --Eyrezer 01:41, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Overall, it's a solid piece. I'm enjoying these noms of random, mostly forgotten species. :) ~ SavageBob 01:33, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Mauser:
 * 27) * File:Tyluun vs Goethar.jpg needs to be re-cropped: you can remove the black line at the top without losing anything from the image.
 * 28) **Done
 * 29) * Rohlan Dyre participated in the events under the alias of "Spikes", you should mention that.
 * 30) **I've changed it so that he is called Spikes. While I could go into who Skiped actually was, I don't feel it is necessary for an article on the Night-Soarers.
 * 31) * You should mention that the weapons used in Tandem Open were non-lethal.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * Context on The Wheel.
 * 34) **Done
 * 35) * (I can't believe I'm saying this) Context on Han Solo, no matter how ridiculous that may sound. Just say he was a smuggler, that should do fine.
 * 36) **He's already mentioned as being one of the other competitors. That seems to be all the context required in relation to the Night-Soarer. --Eyrezer 03:25, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *** I added the smuggler bit anyway, hope it's okay with you.
 * 38) *Otherwise all clear.  Mauser  Comlink 07:44, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Greyman for helping out with the Marvel comic issues. --Eyrezer 07:34, 25 May 2009 (UTC)