Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;not be tagged due to an excessive number of redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Ordo Skirata

 * Nominated by:ToRsO bOy 18:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First article. Oh boy.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Your first vote. Good job! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work.  CC7567  (talk) 04:44, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice job :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:15, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Looking good, Ordo is easily the best Null --Jinzler 20:28, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Peragus II

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second nomination; I've looked over last nomination's faults and, to my beliefs, addressed them. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 19:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:56, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "Following the events of 3,951 BBY, when the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed due to the Sith Lord Darth Sion's pursuit of the Jedi Exile, and a stray blast from Sion’s ship, the Harbinger, detonating the Peragus asteroid field." Is the "when" in here by mistake, because this sentence makes little sense as is.
 * 3) *"almost destroyed by attempts at" What was almost destroyed? The mining facility or the planet?
 * 4) *"The planet was devoid of any sort of native species, with Peragus II also being devoid of any sort of Human settlements other than the Peragus Mining Facility, a facility sealed to the planets atmosphere other than when exited when wearing a space suit." This reads poorly. Plus, you already mentioned the mining facility; no need to repeat context.
 * 5) *The drift chart info seems unnecessary and can probably be removed.
 * 6) *"The first fuel mining colony established on Peragus II proved to be short of life, when an accidental blaster shot triggered an explosion of flammable substances in Peragus II's crust and mantle, so powerful that it turned a large chunk of the planet into an asteroid field, which would become the Peragus asteroid field, and exposed its core" This bit is confusing and needs to be clarified and written better.
 * 7) *Your referencing is completely unnecessary. If all the info in one paragraph comes from one source, no need to source it multiple times in that paragraph. For example: The second paragraph all comes from KOTOR II. Just have the one source at the end of it, rather than scattered throughout.
 * 8) *Context on Citadel Station.
 * 9) *"After the Jedi Civil War, Telos IV relied on this resource to keep Citadel Station in orbit, and with the most humanitarian elements of the Senate putting their careers at stake in the restoration project, any interruption of the work on the Peragus mining facility was likely to have greater repercussions throughout the Republic. If the fuel supply was somehow compromised, Citadel Station would risk falling onto the planet's surface, dooming the restoration efforts there and throughout the Outer Rim." This is written a bit poorly, and is confusing. The restoration project needs to be explained a bit more.
 * 10) *Context on Kreia.
 * 11) *Rather than having many small pargraphs in the "Skirmish" section, try combining several of them.
 * 12) *What is the Exile's standing with the Jedi?
 * 13) *Context on Goto.
 * 14) *Why did HK-50 want the Exile for himself? To claim the bounty?
 * 15) *Context on Atton Rand, please.
 * 16) *"The destruction of the mining station had a deeper impact than the Exile could imagine." I think this is unnecessary, and it seems OR. Remove it, I'd suggest.
 * 17) *The last sentence of "Aftermath" is really confusing. Who is G0-T0? What is going on?
 * 18) *You refer to it as both the "facility" and the "Facility". Please choose one and stick with it.
 * 19) *When you have an Inhabitants section, there's no need to detail the species that live there earlier. The same with repetitive descriptions of the mining facility.
 * 20) *Linking! You have things that need to be linked, and links that are repeated. I fixed some things for you, but you should do at least some of it yourself.
 * 21) *Having never played this game, I find myself confused at many things described in the article. Please go through, contextify things, and fix up the general prose.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:10, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Alright, I've addressed those. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  08:10, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Attack of the Clone I
 * 24) * Please be careful about what you focus on; the article is about the planet, not about the skirmish on it. Yes, the event was one of the only major events there, but try not to excessively focus on it.
 * 25) * Also, a note for future noms: in the body, be sure to only link to something once at its first mention, even if the body of the article has multiple sections.
 * 26) * "meant that further mining projects were virtually abandoned." Can "meant" be substituted for anything else? Because "meant" is usually used for a statement or something that needs clarification, not an event or action. Perhaps "resulted" or something similar.
 * 27) * In the first paragraph of the "Description" section, the Peragus Mining Facility is mentioned twice, both times with different context. Please change.
 * 28) * "such as the Peragus Mining Facility, which contained a number of miners." The word "contained" makes it sound like the miners were being kept prisoner, or that they were somehow inactive.
 * 29) * "meaning that anyone wishing to visit such places as the Peragus Mining Facility..." See third objection.
 * 30) * Jedi Civil War, Galactic Republic, Telos IV, and Telosian Restoration Project need context. Mandalorian Wars somewhat has context, but it should be fixed up.
 * 31) ** Context still needed for the Republic and the restoration project. Also, the context for the Galactic Republic should appear with the first time it is mentioned; otherwise, it seems confusing if you mention something without context.  CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *** It looks better, but try to mention the context in the same sentence, if possible.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "and miners such as Coorta advocated taking her to Nar Shaddaa to collect the bounty that criminal boss Goto had placed on Jedi." If the word "taking" can be changed to a noun instead of a subject verb, it would sound better.
 * 34) * "and died with the rest of the miners when the droid caused an emergency lockdown to seal off the hangar and keep Coorta from fleeing the Facility with the Exile. First of all, I changed "along" to "with". Also, this part of the sentence is a bit of a run-on; please change.
 * 35) * "Spaceworthy" should be changed to a clearer word.
 * 36) * "As they got to the ship from the docking bridge to the Harbinger, Sith assassins stalked them and Kreia had to duel Darth Sion to allow the others to escape to the hangar through the fuel line." The first part of the sentence goes from "to" to "from" and back to "to" again, which does not seem to make sense. Also, the word "stalked" is too colloquial; please change.
 * 37) * "either incapacitated or incarcerated": try not to speculate. If need be, state it in the "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 38) * For the "Locations" section: when you use "one of two points of interest", you don't mention the second one till a few paragraphs on. It's too big a gap; please change.
 * 39) * The second sentence of the Bts does not make sense; please take a look at it.
 * 40) *I'll take another look after these are addressed. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 03:43, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Fixed, but for your misunderstanding we discussed via the IRC. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:09, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone II
 * 43) *The article is looking good. A few of the objections above remain; please remind me if we covered them over IRC. Just a few more things:
 * 44) * "The assassin droid told the administrator that the Exile was a Jedi, meaning the administrator tried to have the Exile picked up by the Republic to stop miners such as Coorta demanding that she be taken to Nar Shaddaa, to collect the bounty crime lord Goto had placed on Jedi." Run-on, and also uses the word "meaning" in a confusing manner, as I mentioned before.
 * 45) ** The run-on has been fixed, but the "meaning" hasn't. "This meant that" does not change it, and is in fact synonymous to what it replaced. Please reword it. Also, a similar objection to this one remains from my first look; please check above.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "To allow the others to escape, Kreia dueled the Sith Lord Darth Sion." First of all, I fixed up the sentence a little. But why was Darth Sion there in the first place? Without mentioning Sion's purpose, it sounds like he was just randomly there.
 * 47) * CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:07, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *** Please review my objections again; any objections that are not crossed out still remain.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Alright, now addressed, although you seem to have missed me having closed the gap in the Locations section. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:30, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Sorry for the delay; I forgot to look at the timestamps and was confused if you addressed the objections or not. A few still remain; please check the uncrossed ones above.  CC7567  (talk) 06:11, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Good article nominations/Peragus II. Everything here needs to be handled.  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:13, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *I believe I have. Can you point out which one(s) you don't think I've addressed, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:20, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll refrain from voting until there's been some feedback. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Mission to Rugosa

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Was considering nominating a(nother) character, but instead did an event. (I think I may be reaching my limits for GANs...possibly.) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:21, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:29, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:21, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:59, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer
 * 2) * Rugosa didn't join the Republic afterwards. It was a neutral moon. Toydaria did. Rugosa was not a moon of Toydaria either.
 * 3) **Whoops. Got that. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The Episode guide should be added to the sources.
 * 5) **Done. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Did you watch the video commentary on the episode? It should add some Bts info, and should also be added to the source lists. --Eyrezer 08:04, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Added it to the source lists, but unfortunately right now I don't have access to the website. I'll check it later when I do. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **I just watched the commentary, and it didn't really add any Bts info, only for Rugosa and not the mission itself. I don't believe the info was relevant, so since the commentary didn't provide new info on the mission itself, I don't think it should be part of the sources. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:00, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) From the Council Chambers (part one):
 * 10) * Before I even start to review, the article has far too much play-by-play commentary, particularly with regard to conversations. In numerous cases, entire conversations are paraphrased line by line, which is unnecessary. Just skip over these details and report the gist of the conversation. There are also a few action sequences suffering from the same problem. Please rewrite it without the play-by-play, and once that is done, then I will review it. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 22:24, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Addressed, hopefully. I kept some of the conversations which I believed to be more important.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***OK, what you did is fine. I will make a full review within the next couple of days. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:10, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) From the Council Chambers (part two):
 * 14) * I hate to say it, but I'd like to see some context on the Clone Wars in both the intro and body. Yes, most people know what the Clone Wars are, but think about someone new to Star Wars watching the films in order (1 to 6) who jumps on here right after watching TPM to get more info and then starts browsing. He or she would have no clue what the Clone Wars are, having only watched TPM, and therefore I feel a little context is necessary. Not much is needed, just enough to give a basic idea as to what they are.
 * 15) **Well...this has been in debate for a while. It's really just the participants that are required, if any, I believe; I can't think of what other context to put that wouldn't make it excessive. And it's already implied that the Republic and the Confederacy were the participants. I reworded the intro, but I left it how it was in the body. I mean, I know we can't really assume that the reader will know everything about Star Wars, but I don't believe that an excessive amount of context is needed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Fair enough. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Yoda returned into the fray": Slightly awkward; suggest rewording.
 * 18) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "Avalanche" is used twice in one paragraph in the intro plus one additional time in the body&mdash;are there synonyms?
 * 20) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "secretly sent several droidekas to deal with the bothersome Jedi Master.": "Bothersome" sounds POV to me.
 * 22) **Removed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "After observing several baby Neebray mantas, Yoda led the clones to the rendezvous point, stating that it was not polite to be late.": Are the neebray mantas really important? I don't think so. Reword or remove, please. The same goes for Yoda's statement, though I'm less sure about it than the mantas.
 * 24) **Removed the Neebrays part; the reason I kept Yoda's comment is because it's a bit more...comical, I guess, or playful. If you'd still like it removed, I'll go ahead and do so.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***OK, I'll let it go, though someone else might object to it. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Otherwise, it looks good to my half-trained eye. :) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:08, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **Well then, I thank your half-trained eye. :P  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) It needs to be mentioned somwhere why Ventress is there. She didn't just guess that there were going to be negotiatons happening on Rugosa at that exact time. How did she know?  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:24, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *I don't think it was specifically identified. I'll add a footnote, but it might be too speculative if I state that Ventress learned about it from Skytop Station.  CC7567  (talk) 21:38, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **True, although it was heavily implied by the comic dialogue. I thought I read it explicitly somewhere however I'll strike this until I find something. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:18, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Senate hostage crisis

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Possibly going to go for an FA later, but at least half the article's length comes from the "Prelude" section. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Dark Lord Trayus 22:41, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Pretty expansive.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 13:25, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The PIE is strong in this one. Kilson Likes PIE 04:37, 19 April 09 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:56, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:24, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Graestan's preliminaries:
 * 2) * A conjecturally titled article should never begin like "the Senate hostage crisis was&hellip;" Please alleviate this by just diving into the intro and then bolding the word that best describes the topic of the article.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Unsourced items in the infobox.
 * 5) **Drat; missed those.
 * 6) * "Objective" field in the infobox is worded too vaguely.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * The article looks like an image farm. Please cull a few.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:56, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the first look. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 00:14, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) More before I dive in there:
 * 13) * Intro needs to be expanded significantly in terms of the event itself.
 * 14) **Addressed. (If it's actually too lengthy, please let me know.)
 * 15) * Speculative/OR statements abound. Please go over the article and see what may be a reach of the mind as opposed to reporting the facts. Especially look out for statements of the unknown.
 * 16) **Addressed (hopefully).
 * 17) * Context is still lacking in a few areas. I saw the word "Vigo" used quite out of the blue, for example. Please check the article over for similar instances.
 * 18) **Added where needed; I removed "Vigo" altogether, since it's not really relevant.
 * 19) * Certainly also some unnecessary info. I saw some reference to Kenobi that was entirely irrelevant. This is also something to check for.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) *Good luck with these, let me know when you're ready for my full review. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:57, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **For some reason, I have a bad feeling about this, but I believe I'm ready. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 06:11, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) You didn't fix my IRC objection about the droids' origin.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:52, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Which one was this? Sorry, I forgot...and I seem to have misplaced the chat log.  CC7567  (talk) 06:54, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Nevermind...I think it was clearing up the "Bane's test" section, which I just did. If it wasn't that, please correct me.  CC7567  (talk) 07:16, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vril Vrakth

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 11:26, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Zabrak bounty hunter

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:41, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:13, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 09:47, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:28, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * " The skills he learned helped to keep him alive" What skills? Learned as a soldier? Clarify.
 * 3) **Clarified --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "After he was almost killed by them on Almas" By who? Clarify.
 * 5) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Intro doesn't flow very well.
 * 7) **I have rewrote some of it so I hope this is a bit better. Can you specify anything that is wrong with it? --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * WP:LG: P&T comes before Equipment.
 * 9) **Moved --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Quotes for the first two biography sections?
 * 11) **The two quotes that I have included are the only two relevant to this article that exist --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Shortages of food led to a series of violent settlement wars there for control of resources and Vrakth trained as a soldier, so that he could participate in the conflicts." Sentence doesn't flow very well.
 * 13) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Hundar was impressed by his skills" What skills?
 * 15) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * " He would also assist Hundar by serving as his backup while he was chasing a bounty and he would cover escape roots or aide him in taking down dangerous targets." Split this sentence up to make it flow better.
 * 17) *First bio section (mostly the end of the first paragraph and the second paragraph) doesn't flow very well.
 * 18) **Fixed to the best of my ability, if there are still some problems with this, can you give me some specific examples?
 * 19) * "Following the end of the conflict, Vrakth began to work almost exclusively for the newly-formed Galactic Empire and in particular, he served Inquisitor Valin Draco." Sentence doesn't flow well.
 * 20) **Rewrote --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Why would Organa's request for info on Nizon tip Vril off? Specify it.
 * 22) **I don't know, the source states that it did, it doesn't say why --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "He also planned to kill Sartok, the leader of the Nizon resistance, a resistance group that opposed the Empire's control of Nizon." Uses the word resistance twice, a bit redundant.
 * 24) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Quote for the P&T?
 * 26) **As I have stated above, there aren't any --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * Was Vrakth killed in the confrontation? Specify.
 * 28) **He isn't necessarily killed, as this depends on how the player chracters play it. I have already mentioned something on this in the BTS --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *Nice BtS.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:34, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **Thanks --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) Soresu
 * 32) * he was able to capture the Rodian on his own this success to establish himself as a bounty hunter. Not making much sense to me.
 * 33) **Yeah, I screwed up. This has now been fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Vrakth was hired by a local Republic governor Local to where? This occurs in both the intro and body.
 * 35) **I don't know, the source just states that it was a local Republic governor. This might be meant to refer to the governor's position within the structure of the Republic, by having control of a localised area. However, we can't know for sure, so theres not much I can do about this
 * 36) * After he was almost killed by them on Almas by a group of agents working for the Alderaanian Resistance, an anti-Imperial resistance group that was based on Alderaan, Draco sent Vrakth to capture them. Reword. Also, it's unclear who "he" is referring to.
 * 37) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Context on the Resistance in the body.
 * 39) **Added --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * he used situations to their full advantage him. Doesn't make sense.
 * 41) **I have put in an example of this, to clarify things --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone I
 * 43) *These first two aren't objections, but just general things to think about in the future. It generally sounds like the word "so" is being used too much; I got most of them, but consider using different, less colloquial wording in the future.
 * 44) *I'm noticing that some sentences are rather choppy throughout the article, and could simply be merged with others. Since it's rather minor, I've fixed these as well, but please try to catch these in the future.
 * 45) * Okay, this is an objection: when introducing characters, using the word "called" implies that it was a nickname; you can simply state their name as "the Trandoshan *blahblah*" instead of stating what they were called unnecessarily.
 * 46) **Checked for and changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * Also, please be careful about overusing indirect addresses such as "he" and "they"; I corrected some of them, but please do another check. It's confusing, especially right after long sentences when it could apply to anyone.
 * 48) **Checked for --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "Jeyrs Hundar, a bounty hunter who was passing through the world while chasing a bounty": using "bounty" twice is rather redundant; please try to reword.
 * 50) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "to hunt CIS generals": sounds a bit strange; hunt as in find or hunt as in find and kill? Either way, the wording doesn't sound appropriate; please change.
 * 52) **The source just says that he hunted them, it doesn't say how. I have changed it to hunted down --23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "After Draco was almost killed by them on Almas by a group of agents working for the Alderaanian Resistance": who is them, and what was Almas? Also, it sounds like two different groups killed him.
 * 54) **I think I screwed this up when I rewrote while I was addressing IFYLOFDs objections. It has been fixed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "he soon swapped careers": the way that "swapped" is being used right now is colloquial; if it were being used as Vrakth swapped careers with someone else, it would be fine, but since it's not being used this way, please change it.
 * 56) **Reworded --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Vrakth traveled offworld with his new master, who began to train him." It's pretty much a given that Vrakth was beginning to be trained; please remove unless there's something specific that needs to be mentioned.
 * 58) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * Use of the word "alternated" sounds like Vrakth had complete control and choice over what he learned; if this is the case, please be more specific, but if not, please change it.
 * 60) **alternated is the word used by the source, but I have changed it anyway --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * I saw IFYLOFD's objection above about the governor, but I think it requires a footnote that it is not explicitly mentioned where the governor was located.
 * 62) **I disagree, as this seems a bit unnecessary, but I have added it anyway, coz you won't support this otherwise :) --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) ***Actually, looking back, it wasn't really necessary. :P You can remove it if you want to; I thought it would just be clearer that way.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Right now, the fact that the Empire succeeded the Republic is exclusive to the intro; please change.
 * 65) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Again, context needed on Almas here in the body.
 * 67) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "made a request to the Aldera University for information about the planet Nizon, Vrakth correctly assumed that that was where the Resistance team were going to go to." First off, the second part of the sentence needs to be reworded, particularly the use of "that that"; although it's grammatically correct, it's rather colloquial and awkward. "Assumption" can be changed to "theory" or something; the way it is right now makes it sound like Vrakth did it with no research, or that he didn't have the intent of doing anything after assuming it. Also, what did that "correct assumption" allow Zrakth to do?
 * 69) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * What was the purpose of Vrakth asking people in the capital if they had seen recent newcomers? I know that it might be from the same mission mentioned earlier, but the article deterred to Vrakth's defense of his base, so it would be good to restate it.
 * 71) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "When the Nazren began to revolt against the Imperials, Vrakth rightly believed that the Alderaanian agents were behind it": the use of "rightly" sounds strange; please reword it to be specific.
 * 73) **I have changed rightly to correctly. I don't want to sound like an idiot, but what should it be specific to? --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ***Specificity was needed because the word "rightly" could mean different things in this case. It could mean that Vrakth was correct, but could also mean that his belief was in accordance with justice or morals. Also, I changed "believed" to "deduced", because it gave me the sense that someone was manipulating Vrakth.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * What was the "large bounty" for? What did the Empire want?
 * 76) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ***It's still a bit unclear. I see why the Empire put out that particular bounty, but what exactly was it for? What did the Empire want to give a reward for? If it was already stated, it's a bit unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ****Clarified --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * Coruscant needs context.
 * 80) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * "fire the fastest" should be changed to something less colloquial, and so can "make the most of being there."
 * 82) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * "like they did when he deployed them on Nizon": the word "like" is too colloquial, and this part of the sentence requires rewording.
 * 84) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "the actions of the player characters": please check this; "player characters" is unclear.
 * 86) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "If the players reply, then he swears his eternal hatred to them for killing Vrakth." Who swears this exactly?
 * 88) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) *I'll take another look after these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 00:23, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) **Thanks for your feedback, I guess that my writing style isn't the best --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ***That doesn't mean that it can't be improved. :)  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) Attack of the Clone II
 * 93) * "Tricks of the bounty hunter trade": bit awkward and plays too much upon slang; please reword.
 * 94) **Reworded --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * "and he planned to use it as an opportunity to capture them": "them" meaning the Alderaanian agents or the Nazren?
 * 96) **Clarified --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * "Capitalize on" is a bit awkward wording; the way I learned it was that it's applied to usually take advantage of a situation that has already been laid out for you, or one that is really grim, not really one in which you have the choice yourself. As it is currently portrayed in the P&T, the situation doesn't seem to have a downside, and it looks like Vrakth was in control of what his actions were instead of being required to complete something.
 * 98) **Rephrased --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) ***"from being there" makes it sound like he was being paid to simply be there. I've changed it to "during his stay."  CC7567  (talk) 09:47, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) *Good work with the article's improvement.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) **Thanks for helping to improve it --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I have delt with some of your objections IFYLOFD, I will do the rest somewhen in a few days time --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Todd

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:25, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The unlimited POWAH in the flesh. Inspired by such projects as Max and Buick

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) I hope he likes PIE. Kilson Likes PIE 19:20, 22 April 09 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 21:04, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  20:33, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 18:27, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 09:38, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) You need to expand the intro more. Just mention that he was incontrol of the characters you listed in the bio, and it should be good. Kilson Likes PIE 04:32, 21 April 09 (UTC)
 * 2) *Buffed the intro a little more. Should I make it any longer, it may as well replace the biography. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:13, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **That's good enough, nice article. Kilson Likes PIE 19:20, 22 April 09 (UTC)
 * 4) Alright. Show time.
 * 5) * At an unknown time period, an all-out battle occurred between the fugitive Jedi Zayne Carrick, the Arkanian offshoot Jarael, the leader of the Mandalorians Mandalore the Ultimate and Mandalore's lackey, the Lord of Pain Darth Sion. - Perhaps that could be broken down somewhat; bit of a run on.
 * 6) * The Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader, the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, the Snivvian con man Marn Hierogryph and the Gungan Jar Jar Binks were also present there, although Vader and Skywalker were busy dueling each other. - Same problem. I'd recommend stopping off first after the "present there" part, and perhaps starting the next part as a fresh sentence.
 * 7) **Reworded both.
 * 8) * Todd suddenly appeared in the midst of the battle and witnessed a fight between Carrick and Mandalore, commenting that Mandalore was intense. - Just why did he feel he was intense? Please explain. Also, where and why did he appear from, and how did he appear? Did he jump out of a bush? An unknown location would be better, were it specified.
 * 9) **This guy appears in one frame of a one-page comic. I'm afraid there is not much of an explanation of why he is there or where did he appear from. In the first couple of frames he is not present, then he just appears all of sudden. Expanded the Mandalore part though.
 * Ah, wasn't aware of that. Fair enough. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) * Todd's appearance was one of the factors that left Jar Jar confused. - Bit of explanation as to why it did that, please.
 * 2) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 3) *A light-skinned male with brown hair, Todd was dressed in what looked like a traditional brown Jedi robe. However, under the robe he wore a shirt with a picture of an individual of Yoda's species. - Perhaps you could go on to explain what this suggests P and T wise?
 * 4) **See below. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Per Kilson; introduction, please.
 * 6) **Intro expanded. See response to Kilson's objection. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:03, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * If you're listing his clothing, for instance, in the P and T, then perhaps a small equipment section can be gleaned, per the layout guide?
 * 8) **In response to this objection and the one about his clothing. I figured out that combining all this info into one paragraph was better than having multiple paragraphs containing one sentence each. And btw, a personality is not just what you do, but also what you wear and how you look. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:03, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Yes, I know. Point taken, however. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *That's all, for now. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  13:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Attack of the Clone
 * 12) * "However, Vader and Skywalker were busy dueling each other." The use of "however" implies that it had a direct effect on Todd, which it doesn't seem to right now. If it did, please be clearer.
 * 13) **Reworded.
 * 14) * "Carrick asked who Todd was": can this be rephrased to something less colloquial?
 * 15) **Rephrased.
 * 16) * "and claimed that everyone present there were his unwitting pawns": the word "everyone" is singular; please replace it.
 * 17) **Replaced.
 * 18) *"Todd's appearance was one of the factors that left Jar Jar confused, since Todd was not supposed to be there. Just as the others could not be at the same place since they all were from different time periods." A few things for these two sentences:
 * 19) ** I think "factors" can be removed; it's rather awkward phrasing.
 * 20) ** Why exactly was Todd "not supposed" to be there?
 * 21) ** Even though this article is non-canon, the second sentence is Out-of-Universe and makes it rather confusing. If it can be changed, please do so; if it needs to stay the way it is, please merge it with the first sentence.
 * 22) ***The sentences are merged/reworded.
 * 23) * "indicating that he was possibly a very powerful being": I know that this claim was more of an implication than a statement, but "possibly" sounds too speculative.
 * 24) **Reworded a bit. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 21:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 03:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) From the Council Chambers:
 * 27) * How do we know that Todd's comment, "He's intense." refers to Mandalore? Looking at the ad myself, no explicit indication is given. The speech bubble is closer to Carrick than Mandalore, and the last being to speak is Sion, so he could be referring to anyone. Unless you have another source identifying who he is referring to, I feel the subject of his comment needs to be removed as speculation.
 * 28) **Fine, removed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Todd's sudden appearance was one of the causes of Binks's confusion,&hellip;": Binks is confused?!? That's breaking news (at least in this article). Can his confusion be mentioned before the discussion of the causes of it? It would flow a little better that way, even if it's still all in one sentence. (e.g. "Binks had become confused, and one cause of that was&hellip;")
 * 30) **Addressed, I guess. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *Otherwise, good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 22:57, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) You should probably rectify the "unknown time period" as we don't state what is not known on the site. Instead just work around it. Let me know and I'll read, fix, and vote for this thing when that's done. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:04, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) *Addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments
 * The 264 balancing on the edge words at the time of the nomination. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:25, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * After the copyedit I just did, the article is 298 according to Microsoft Word.  CC7567  (talk) 03:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 333 words now. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Zelka Forn

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Doctor? Doctor Who?

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Seems mostly fine now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:08, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "After the destruction of the Galactic Republic, the main galactic government of the time, warship Endar Spire, individuals brought in several Republic soldiers who had been seriously wounded in the battle." Huh? Either something's missing or there's extraneous words here, because this doesn't make sense.
 * 3) * "Rakghoul this, rakghoul that": Rakghoul is inconsistently capitalized. Most notably, the term "[R]akghoul serum" is used at least once each way. I seem to possibly remember that Rakghoul should be capitalized, but I'm not sure if that is true or if my crazy brain is making stuff up. Which is correct?
 * 4) *I did a copyedit for you. Remember that the Ref template is only used in the infobox&mdash;you had it in the body, too, which I fixed. Otherwise, it's well-written and easily understandable for someone totally unfamiliar with that era. Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Benevolent is POV. Please remove.
 * 8) * Linking. Make sure everything is linked once in the intro and the body.
 * 9) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 10) * Try not to use "grieved" twice.
 * 11) * After the destruction of the warship Endar Spire. Why and by whom was the Spire destroyed? Also, you haven't established where this event happened.
 * 12) * Despite the Sith government, the government that followed the Sith ideology, having an occupation of Taris, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers. He put a few of the soldiers in kolto tanks, healing medical tanks, in a back room of his facility. this doesn't flow very well. May I suggest something like Despite the fact that Taris was occupied by the Sith, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers, putting them in kolto tanks in a back room of his facility.
 * 13) * In the intro, you say that Revan killed a patrol to obtain the serum, but in the body, you say he found a corpse. Which is correct?
 * 14) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 15) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 16) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 17) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Fixed, although no, Revan looked in the back room. I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu's second look
 * 20) * There are some previous objections you haven't taken care of. In future, put a message after each objection, to alert the objector to the fact that they are all done, and so that if there are any issues, they can continue the discussion. In this case, to keep it organised, I'll strike all the old ones and reiterate any that are still not addressed.
 * 21) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 22) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 24) **I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him.
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure that you can persuade Forn into believing that you are a friend of the Republic. He then opens the door. The other way is to bash through the door of course. Instead of just saying he discovered them, you need to elaborate on how. One of these outcomes will have to be expanded upon in the body, while the other will have to go to the bts.
 * 26) ****Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * After Revan discovers the soldiers, he and Forn have a short converstion, the details of which should be added into the article.
 * 28) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 29) **You haven't added anything about the CSWE entry or his reaction of you give the serum to someone else.
 * 30) ***Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required.
 * 32) **That was added in before hand; oddly, however, the article includes content however isn't showing anything beneath the first paragraph of the BtS. I'll talk to staff about that. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 34) ** I didn't mean for you to delete that info, I was merely saying that it looked a bunch of facts in a list. The info should be restored and integrated into larger, more orgainsed paragraphs.
 * 35) ***Not deleted. Same problem. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * This page currently is not categorised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **It is categorized, but the categories are in the section not showing. By the time you're reading this, they should be fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Hm. Odd. Seems fine now. Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **I'll vote as soon as an AC review comes in. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:12, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 41) *Last names after first mention, please.
 * 42) **What do you mean? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *I'm pretty sure things like "the South" when referring to the Upper City can be dismissed as game mechanics.
 * 44) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *"amnesiac Jedi Knight" doesn't quite cut it when referring to Revan. At the time, he was pretty much nothing in terms of being a Force user; I'd almost prefer that his Force sensitivity is left completely out.
 * 46) **Mhm. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) *"presumably killed" is speculation. Only say what is known.
 * 48) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *Taris has a "main city?" I thought Taris was a city.
 * 50) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) *Again, something like "no known family members" is out-of-universe and speculation.
 * 52) **Removed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *Linking needs to be more thorough.
 * 54) **Hm. Could you point out generally where, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) *Rakghoul disease needs context in the bio.
 * 56) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *Second paragraph of the bio needs to be broken up; it's a mishmash of not-yet-converged storylines.
 * 58) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) *How Shan was on Taris should be provided.
 * 60) **Provided. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) *"Which option Revan took was unknown, as neither results in a change of alignment. The nature of the conversation afterwards, unless Revan threatened Zelka, was such that it did not change the plot nor the character's alignment, therefore it's undetermined if Revan ever discovered the soldiers." – This is all pretty unnecessary. You can sum it up by stating that later sources which canonized the light-side path don't mention Forn or the medical facility.
 * 62) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) *What exactly is meant by "one thousand and fifteen hundred credits?"
 * 64) **Whoops, addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 67) *City of Taris? Do you mean the planet?
 * 68) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) *Sith government? Was it really a government? Better wording could be used here.
 * 70) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) *Give more information on the rakghoul disease in the bio.
 * 72) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) *Give more info on Revan and the circumstances of his amnesia.
 * 74) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) *Quote for the P&T?
 * 76) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Attack of the Clone
 * 78) * "In his standing and position as a doctor": redundant; choose one or the other.
 * 79) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * "Forn would not refuse help to anyone, regardless of their homeworld, species, political affiliation, personality, or even if he hated them on a personal level": the last one stands out with the lack of a noun; please reword.
 * 81) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "medically help or assist": I reworded it to this, but "help" and "assist" are redundant, and "medically" also makes the wording awkward.
 * 83) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "and individuals brought in several Republic soldiers": unclear; what were the individuals' affiliation?
 * 85) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * "even with the possibility of being arrested or even shot": unclear as to who he would be punished by, and the wording is a bit awkward as well.
 * 87) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * Awkward wording that Forn was upset about the plague; try to word to something clearer.
 * 89) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * "Revan arrived at Forn's facility and convinced him to show them the Republic soldiers, by declaring their loyalty to the Republic." Revan convinced Forn to show who the soldiers?
 * 91) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * What information did Revan agree not to disclose?
 * 93) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * "Although Forn was originally fearful that Revan would betray him, Revan proved him wrong." Sounds strange never mentioning this before; try to move it up. If it happens here, please make it clearer.
 * 95) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) * Why was Revan's alliance with the Republic a problem for Forn and/or his decision?
 * 97) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ***Please check this again. Do you meant, "Allied with the Sith as he was, Revan was in favor of Forn’s choice."? Forn's choice was in favor of the Republic, and this wording makes it sound like Revan was allied with the Sith. Please clear this up.  CC7567  (talk) 07:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * "Revan refused, however, believing Forn needed them more than he and his companions did." Please replace "them" with something more specific.
 * 100) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) * "even if they were an off-worlder, alien, or even if he hated them": same issue with the different elements not matching; please try to reword.
 * 102) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * "Forn considered Revan's spirit very noble": builds too much off of each other using "spirit".
 * 104) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * "for its work on making a Rakghoul serum before it was taken by the Sith": awkward wording.
 * 106) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * "the light side choices are those chosen canonically": do you mean that "the light side choices are canonical"?
 * 108) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) * "Although canon dictates that the most light side choices would have to be taken": bit unclear; please check and/or clarify.
 * 110) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) * Are dark side points bad? It sounds like it from the use of "however"; please check.
 * 112) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll withhold my vote until some feedback comes. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * You're not meant to vote for your own noms. We got rid of that in the GA system revamp. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1)  Only one unaddressed objection remaining, yes, but one that's been sitting here for over three weeks. This isn't getting a lot of activity, and unless there's something done soon, it needs to go.  CC7567  (talk) 02:35, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *My bad; miscounted the weeks. It's only been two, but I still think it needs to be addressed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:48, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Confrontation in the Caverns of the Hidden One

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 01:15, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My WP:LE nom number 3

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice. Keep up the good work! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:56, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:11, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Assuming that the article will be renamed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:02, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 16:24, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Objections time.
 * 2) * First off, I don't like the way you use, in the introduction: "the duel was". Please change "the duel" to "the Duel in the Caverns of the Hidden One. The article's title should be the first mentioned name of the article.
 * 3) **It's conjecturally titled, so until it is specifically named in a source&mdash;and it was not named in Outcast&mdash;I can't put the name in the intro or body.
 * 4) * Context on the Baran Do.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "decided that it was time for him to die" - It's not immediately obvious who "him" is.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "Ziil struck Luke and Ben as paranoid and corrupt," - It'd be better if you could change "struck" to something else, to make it more clear.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * More context on Ithia in the second entitled "Ben and Saal", please.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "Luke gathered all of the Hidden Ones into the throne chamber" - What throne chamber? Specify, please.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "Luke, of course, had no intention of doing so. Instead, he explained his theory to the Hidden Ones, and went on to suggest that Ben, who was barely a Jedi Knight, should duel the Hidden Ones' best fighter and newest addition, the senior combat instructor Charsae Saal, now known as Chara" - Break down into two sentences, please. Currently, it's a run on.
 * 15) **I couldn't find a good place to break this up, so I removed superfluous information that had been stated earlier.
 * 16) * "But then Ben got a blow in on Chara's head," - Could this be reworded? It doesn't sound particularly good as it is.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * "and the Kel Dor went down." - "Went down" sounds rather colloquial. Fell down or something, perhaps?
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * "Finally pushed over the edge" - Whoa, whoa whoa. So we go from Ziil condemning them to be left without oxygen to die to him being incensed and attacking them? What caused this? Elaborate, please.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * What happened to Ziil in the end? Please add in.
 * 23) **What happened to Ziil after the duel is unknown.
 * 24) *Not too bad so far. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:03, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 21:05, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Soresu
 * 27) * You say multiple times that the Hidden Ones were "freed". This is not really the case since they were there by voluntary choice. Try using something else. Other than that, you've done a great job with this article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:29, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **Addressed. Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:13, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Soresu again
 * 30) * Graestan made a similar objection for your Raid GA. You need to source the "Previous" section of the infobox, and hence everything else as well.
 * 31) **But this time the event is from the same source: Outcast. Do I still have to source it? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:28, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Ah, I see. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:00, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Attack of the Clone
 * 34) *Not an objection, but a note for the future: try to avoid getting too dash-happy. Sometimes dashes just break up the sentence flow more (even though they're intended to do the opposite), and commas will suffice in their place.
 * 35) **Noted, thanks for the advice.
 * 36) * I'm unsure if this is the best thing to do, but since there seem to be two duels, can the subsection of "The duel" be renamed? I know the "stick fight" between Ben and Saal wasn't really a duel persay, but it seems to have equal value. Also, could the article itself be renamed? It's already conjecturally titled, and I don't think brainstorming a better name (that encompasses both duels) will hurt.
 * 37) **Ok, I have a couple ideas, and I wanted to get your input before I actually move the page. "Battle in the Caverns of the Hidden One", "Confrontation in the Caverns of the Hidden One", "Skirmish in the Caverns of the Hidden One". Do you have any further ideas?
 * 38) ***Battle is too major; I think "confrontation" might work. However, you might want to get others' opinions before going ahead with this, especially that of an AC or such.  CC7567  (talk) 12:17, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Jon, just to let you know, I'm casting my vote right now. This is the only one remaining, and I'll strike it when it is fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *****Sure thing. I've contacted an AC, and I'm waiting to hear back. I'll change it once I have. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 18:53, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ******Ok, it's been changed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 01:33, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * In the intro, instead of stating that the duel took place in the throne room of the Caverns of the Hidden One, can it just be mentioned where it chronologically takes place in the intro?
 * 43) **Addressed.
 * 44) * "where they were allowed to speak with Ziil, who was now known only as the Hidden One": Ziil was never mentioned before except as a participant of the duel, so using "now" isn't appropriate; please clear this up.
 * 45) **Addressed.
 * 46) *** Still remains; please check again. It needs to be chronologically structured instead of being mentioned out of the blue; right now there isn't a reason why Ziil was now known as the Hidden One. Both the intro and the body need a slight mention of Ziil's recent ascent to the Hidden One.  CC7567  (talk) 12:17, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ****I changed around the order a little bit, is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 15:34, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * Context needed for Coruscant.
 * 49) **Added.
 * 50) * "They hoped to talk with Koro Ziil&mdash;the Master of the Order who had briefly trained former Jedi Knight Jacen Solo during Solo's travels after the Yuuzhan Vong War&mdash;in order to find out why Solo had fallen to the dark side of the Force and become a Sith Lord." Dashes break up the sentence flow and should be removed, and the sentence will need rewording. Maybe say, "They hoped to talk with Koro Ziil, the Master of the Order; Ziil had briefly trained former Jedi Knight Jacen Solo...in order to find out why Solo had fallen to the dark side of the force."
 * 51) **Better?
 * 52) * In the body, it's unclear why the Skywalkers went to the Sages; the organization needs to be mentioned in relation to Ziil.
 * 53) **Better?
 * 54) * Since it's mentioned that Luke was not convinced that Saal died, can you briefly say why?
 * 55) **Addressed.
 * 56) * "Luke decided to prove to them that every minute they stayed down in the caverns their power was weakening." First of all, I changed the "he" to "Luke." Second, can you make this clearer? I get the gist of what you're saying, but rather than being an embellishment, the mention of the Sages' time in the caves sounds like it was the cause of their weakening power.
 * 57) **Is this better?
 * 58) * "When his former apprentice, Chara, admitted that he believed that the Skywalkers could be right" I edited the sentence a little bit, but this is the first time that Chara is mentioned as Ziil's former apprentice. Can this be moved up?
 * 59) **Addressed.
 * 60) * "and Ithia told Ziil that maybe the Hidden Ones&mdash;the "experiment"&mdash;had failed.": "maybe" can be changed to something less colloquial, and this part of the sentence needs rewording to make it clearer overall.
 * 61) **Addressed.
 * 62) * "As Luke got up and began moving slowly towards Ziil, holding back the flow of lightning, the other Hidden Ones were evacuating the throne chamber with Ben, who was directing them out a blast door." The way "evacuating" is used makes it sound as if the Hidden Ones were evacuating others, not themselves. Also, it's unclear if Luke continued to deflect the Force lightning even when he hit the pillar, or if he was forced to let it go.
 * 63) **Better?
 * 64) *** Actually, can it be stated why they were fleeing?  CC7567  (talk) 12:17, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) ****Good idea. Added. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 15:34, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) ***** Please check again; this looks like it still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 17:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) ******Sorry, I was in a bit of a rush and missed the "why". Is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 18:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "broke free" doesn't seem to be appropriate for the situation; please change.
 * 69) **Changed.
 * 70) * "as well" seems unclear where it is used; it sounds like they turned against him here and didn't earlier when they were trying to escape. If it is already stated how it is, please make it clearer.
 * 71) **Removed.
 * 72) * When the Hidden Ones return to the surface, it's unclear as to whether Ziil went with them or remained.
 * 73) **That's unknown as of now.
 * 74) *Keep up the good work from Outcast.  CC7567  (talk) 04:29, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:06, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) Sorry for the post-vote objection, but could you rename the sections "The duels", "Ben and Saal" and "Luke and Ziil"? I've already changed "The duels" to "History", but you could try incorporating the purpose of what they were trying to do, respectively; i.e. "Obtaining proof" or something for "Ben and Saal", and a different creative title for "Luke and Ziil".  CC7567  (talk) 04:03, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) *Addressed; feel free to change them as you see fit. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:28, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 79) * Give a little more context on Luke's exile.
 * 80) **Addressed.
 * 81) *...That's it. Well done.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:29, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) **Thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 03:52, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Defender (Venator-class)

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 08:00, 3 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Apparently Anakin got tired of blowing up droid control ships from the inside, so he decided to stab one with a freaking Star Destroyer.

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Per pre-nom review.  CC7567  (talk) 06:07, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:51, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Per review below.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  01:23, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:47, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Intro: you mention Tuuk's "lead ship". Please use something less awkward here, like "command ship", or something similar.
 * 3) * Intro and First Assault: you link to the Grand Army of the Republic navy, but never to the actual Republic Navy itself. Please rearrange some of the links so that you connect directly to the Republic Navy.
 * 4) * Second Assault: you say "Skywalker opened a hololink", but in the episode, it doesn't appear to be a holo&mdash;it's a screen like the one used early in TPM. Is there any technical word for what he used? (If not, this isn't a big deal, and don't worry about it.)
 * 5) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi beacon ) 13:17, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **I don't think there is a technical term for what they were using to communicate, so to be honest, I don't really know what to use. I addressed the other two objections though. Kilson Likes PIE 18:57, 2 May 09 (UTC)
 * 7) ***That's ok; I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything else to use there. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:51, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Lucius finds his way in a Star Destroyer... Scary
 * 9) *Good job. Here are just a few things.
 * 10) * Just a minor note: you should probably create a redirect like "The Defender (Venator-class)" and others, if you deem it necessary.
 * 11) **I don't really think it's that necessary, however, if someone else agrees with you, then I'll create one or two.
 * 12) * The Clone Wars needs context in the intro. (I guess it does need it, CC.)
 * 13) **I fixed up the grammar here.
 * 14) * ...under command of the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk. Should be "which was under..."
 * 15) * ...and put the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk in charge of the fleet. Sounds rather clumsy.
 * 16) **Should change to placed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:09, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Addressed
 * 18) * I recommend switching the head quote with the second assault quote. The current second assault quote is better for a header, as it is a good, descriptive quote and briefly tells the ship's history, while the current header would be better for the second assault section.
 * 19) * In between "complete scan of the Defender" and "discovered", there should be a context clue stating that Mar Tuuk and his crew discovered Anakin.
 * 20) **I didn't put it exactly where you want it, but I think it sounds good.
 * 21) * An error in... It should be stated that it is an animation error, or whatever kind of error it is.
 * 22) * Mauser is correct; TCSWE was published before Storm Over Ryloth.
 * 23) **Sorry, I did not know that, I fixed it.
 * 24) *Lucius malfoy7 23:11, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **I addressed your objections, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:37, 5 May 09 (UTC)
 * 26) Soresu's first look
 * 27) * Doesn't conform with the new starship LG.
 * 28) * Around 22 BBY, the planet of Ryloth was seized by the Separatists, and a large Confederate fleet was placed over the planet to blockade it, which was under the command of the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk. You can't be commanding a verb. I would suggest Around 22 BBY, the planet of Ryloth was seized by the Separatists, and a large Confederate fleet, under the command of the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk, was placed over the planet to blockade it.
 * 29) * "Under command of" is too repetitive in the intro. Also, I think under the command of sounds better and is more correct. Please go through the article and change all cases.
 * 30) * However, she disobeyed orders, thinking she could reach Tuuk's Lucrehulk flagship and destroy it, and the Defender and the other two Star Destroyers were heavily damaged by Vulture droid suicide attacks without the cover. Split the sentence and use something other than "cover", since it's already in the sentence before it.
 * 31) * Eventually, after losing most of her squadron, Tano returned to the Republic task force, the Defender and the Resolute were able to retreat to hyperspace, but the Redeemer had taken too damage and broke apart in space. Reword.
 * 32) * At first, Tuuk believed the Jedi's lie, but after a complete scan of the Defender discovered that Anakin was the only life-form aboard, Tuuk uncovered Skywalker's deception. Reword.
 * 33) * The Resolute arrived out of hyperspace to engage what remained of the Confederate blockade, and Tano's forces were able to defeat the remaining frigates. Remaining is repetitive.
 * 34) **How about now dude. Kilson Likes PIE 22:00, 07 May 09 (UTC)
 * 35) Grunny:
 * 36) *In the "Description" section you have used the specifications for a stock Venator, however, we don't know that the Defender is exactly the same. It may have been modified especially considering it was in use during war time i.e. extra weapons, different hyperdrive, bigger or smaller crew. Unless the source specifically states the Defender has those specifications you can't assume it does. Try to only use information confirmed about the Defender.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:04, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Addressed, thank you for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 19:53, 27 May 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * Wasn't TCSWE published before Storm Over Ryloth first aired?  Mauser  Comlink 12:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I believe so; I corrected it.  CC7567  (talk) 06:19, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Onaconda Farr

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  00:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:This nomination is pretty farr off, but I thought I'd give it a go.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  00:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Farl supports Farr. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:58, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Clone's preliminaries
 * 2) **Thanks for the review.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) * Check for POV-oriented material such as "unfortunately" and "fortunately", and please remove them.
 * 4) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * Finis Valorum requires context. Also, why is this mentioned only in the intro and not the body as well?
 * 6) **Both addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * The Mission to Rodia needs to be expanded in the intro.
 * 8) **Expanded and paragraphed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * The last sentence of the intro belongs close to the beginning of the intro.
 * 10) **I switched a few sentences around. Is this good?
 * 11) * "In response to the Republic's inability or lack of will": whether or not it's known for sure, speculation needs to be removed. Only state what is known.
 * 12) **Shortened to "In response".  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "In reality, and desperation," neither have any relation; please reword.
 * 14) **Removed desperation. I think reality is needed, to show that Amidala was not called to Rodia for the purpose stated/implied in the previous paragraph.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Saying that Amidala was "given" to Gunray inaccurately sounds like she's an object.
 * 16) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Cad Bane and the Battle of Duro" makes it sound like both are related, which they are not.
 * 18) **Changed to "Cad Bane's Raid and the Battle of Duro". I think they should both go together, as they are fairly near each other on the timeline and, let's face it, it looks weird with the two under separate headings.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ***I think a more general title can be found; it sounds like the events had a direct effect on each other, which they did not.  CC7567  (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ****I just split the two up; its fine (I think.)  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  20:50, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * The Senate hostage crisis is a conjecturally titled article, and should not be mentioned directly by name.
 * 22) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * The Senate hostage crisis needs cleanup and expansion overall.
 * 24) **Is there any particular section needing expansion in the crisis? I want to focus on the main aspects of the mission and Farr's involvement only, just so the article does not stray from Farr's history.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***It's mostly what's below; I'll address further details later.  CC7567  (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ** Why did Bane take the senators hostage?
 * 27) ***Explained in the next sentence.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ** You mention first that he was captured, then was talking about the bill, then was captured.
 * 29) ***Is a "Immediately before Bane's raid" good, or should I totally rework the order?  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ****It's too confusing. Just state that Farr was talking about the bill with the other senators (also, notice capitalization for that), and was then taken hostage by Bane (and why). I'll get to reviewing the other objections soon later today.  CC7567  (talk) 21:05, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *****Fixed in my own copyedit.  CC7567  (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ** "Later, Anakin Skywalker was taken hostage, signaling the near end of Bane's mission." Talking too much from an OOU-perspective.
 * 33) ***Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ** "Anakin Skywalker, however, anticapated Bane later remotely killing the Senators": does not make sense.
 * 35) ***Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * The Bts requires organization. It should be mentioned first where he appeared, then who portrayed him, and then any other info.
 * 37) **Re-organized.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * I've noticed that you've really only touched TCW-related sections; please take a look at the others and see if you can improve them overall.  CC7567  (talk) 01:44, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **Will do.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  21:01, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ***Slightly expanded "Battle of Duro" section; not much I can do with it otherwise without straying from his POV.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  20:50, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) Before I read it:
 * 42) * Infobox needs to be completely sourced.
 * 43) **Thanks... Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  13:28, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***You still haven't sourced one of the fields.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 00:26, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ****Thanks... my bad, and addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  20:25, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * The succession box needs to be sourced.
 * 47) **Did not know that... Now I do, and addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  13:28, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * Check the sources are correctly ordered.
 * 49) **I believe they are.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ***They weren't, the sources list is ordered by release date, I've reordered it.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 00:26, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ****Thanks; here I was thinking it was by chronological order all this time.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  20:25, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) *****Appearances are ordered chronologically, but sources are ordered by release date.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 08:09, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *Make sure you check your article conforms to the Manual of Style before nominating it.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:44, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **I'm pretty sure it conforms.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) Attack of the Clone II
 * 56) * In the beginning of the intro, it's confusing to say that he served until 21 BBY without mentioning the circumstances. Just mention his resignation at the end; the opening sentence doesn't necessarily have to surmise the entire character.
 * 57) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Yinchorri requires context in both the intro and the body.
 * 59) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) *** What were the circumstances? Why did action need to be taken against them? Also, please check "aggressive"; it's too POV-oriented.
 * 61) ****Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   00:36, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * I've placed Fact tags that require separate sourcing. I've also edited the article with my own copyedit, and I've placed Fact tags for information whose sources I do not know.
 * 63) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Is the mention of Dooku as Palpatine's Sith apprentice really necessary? I understand that it's part of the embellishment, but it isn't expanded upon and does not seem to have a direct effect on Farr himself.
 * 65) **95% weren't; removed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference
 * 66) * Unclear as to whether Looruya simply stepped down from his seat on the Committee or resigned from the Senate altogether.
 * 67) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) *** "leading to Looruya's resignation from Senatorial office, and to Farr replacing Looruya on the Committee.'" The second part of the sentence stands out because it is not a noun (like "resignation"); please change.
 * 69) ****I don't really understand, but I split the sentence. I think it sounds all right, but please let me know if it will not suffice.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  20:57, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ***** It sounds very much like Farr plotted to get Looruya out of the Senate, but it's not very clear. Please clarify this.
 * 71) ******How so? I don't say anything about Farr setting him up, just that the charges were legit, Looruya stepped down, and Farr took his place.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   00:36, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ******* Saying that Farr "released" a list implies that he had them in his possession for a while, which implies that he was planning to wait for something. Is there any mention of how Farr obtained the information?  CC7567  (talk) 01:02, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ********They say in Rodian Senator Uncovers Loyalist-Separatist Ties that he didn't reveal his sources. Congrats on the AC appointment, by the way! :-)  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   01:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Unclear as to what the Senate Action Subcommittee for Corellian Trade Spine Defense was.
 * 75) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ***Nevermind; I'm going to remove it, since it's really self-contextualizing.
 * 77) *The Mission to Rodia requires a lot of expansion overall. Here are a few questions to ask yourself and expand upon in the article.
 * 78) ** How did Farr react to the imprisonment of Amidala?
 * 79) ***This good?  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   01:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) **What was Farr's reaction to the "Bombad Jedi"?
 * 81) ***I had praised in the end... Is this enough?  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   00:36, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) ****No, because that's not his reaction, it's an effect of his reaction. There's no sense as to what his immediate reaction was when he learned about the Jedi, which leaves the reader in the dark.  CC7567  (talk) 01:02, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) *****They don't really flash him too much during the Gunray+Farr+Jar Jar scenes in Bombad Jedi, and he has no dialoge regarding/to Jar Jar until he praises him. 01:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) ******Didn't he talk to Silood about the "Bombad Jedi" while they went with Gunray to the detention center? Didn't he state that they "must appease Gunray so he will not kill us all"?  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) *******I believe that conversation ocurred, (please correct me if I'm wrong) though before Bombad's appearance.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   20:35, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) ********And yet it illustrated Farr's beliefs on the "Jedi". I don't see the fact of when it occurred matters, as it stated Farr's growing discomfort with his alliance with Gunray.  CC7567  (talk) 21:13, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) ** How did Amidala escape? (I think there's a factual error currently in there right now; please check the episode again and/or its guide on the official site.)
 * 88) *** Now there's too much detail. It wasn't made clear before that she escaped, and that's why I objected.
 * 89) ****I don't think there's too much detail. All there is now is that she escaped with a lockpick.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   00:36, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) ***** Saying that she escaped is enough. It's not very much detail, yes, but it's something, and I personally find that a small detail like that implies that it was important to Farr that Amidala escaped with a lock pick, since it's included in his article. I don't see how it is.  CC7567  (talk) 01:02, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ******Shortened.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   01:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) ** How did Farr see the error of his ways?
 * 93) ***This good?  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   01:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) ****Striking for now; I'll continue this review below.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) ** How was Gunray captured? What did Amidala help Farr to do?
 * 96) ** While addressing the above, please be careful to keep it centered around Farr and from his perspective.
 * 97) ***All of the above expanded/addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  20:57, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ****No, they're still remaining. This section in particular jumps around way too much, and it's not even focused on Farr. The general events are there, but the article still requires significant expansion on Farr's point of view. How did he react to the events taking place? The only thing I notice on Farr's thoughts is a "reluctant alliance with Gunray," and there's nothing else. His alliance was reluctant, yes, but it was still an alliance, and there's no sense of his shift from appeasing Gunray to helping Amidala capture the viceroy.  CC7567  (talk) 23:11, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Article is in need of a P&T section.
 * 100) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  12:53, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) *** And it also needs sourcing.  CC7567  (talk) 18:16, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) ****Slipped my mind. Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  20:25, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * CC7567  (talk) 06:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) Attack of the Clone III
 * 105) * "He also disagreed with her shackling within her cell, though Nute Gunray insisted upon her restraint systems." The "disagreed with her" needs to be replaced with a noun for this to work. Someone can disagree with an action, but it needs to be an action, not a verb.
 * 106) **Addressed. &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   20:35, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) *"Jar Jar Binks, however, accidentally disguised himself as a Jedi Knight, managing to destroy Gunray's starship." How did he "accidentally" disguise himself? Just say that he put on a Jedi robe and that the droids mistook him for a Jedi. Also, the two parts of this sentence (Jar Jar's disguise and the destruction of Gunray's ship) do not seem to be directly related, so they need to be separated.
 * 108) **Addressed. &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   20:35, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ***There's still no mention that the droids mistook him for a Jedi, so it's still unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 21:13, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) *Gunray's grudge against Amidala since the Battle of Naboo needs to be separately sourced, as it was not mentioned anywhere in the episode. The episode guide might have it, but it should be checked.
 * 111) **Should I source Ep I, the reason of the grudge, or Ep II, another example of the grudge?  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   20:41, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ***If you're going to mention it, you need to state the grudge's source, which means Episode I. Or at least somewhere that specifically states that Gunray held a grudge against Amidala because of the Invasion of Naboo.  CC7567  (talk) 21:13, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) *I'm still noticing that the Mission to Rugosa can still be expanded. Not to the point where the article is play-by-play, but Farr's actions require more expansion.
 * 114) **There is no mention of the exchange between Farr and Amidala after her arrival.
 * 115) **It needs to be stated that Farr accompanied the droids and Amidala to the detention center, and there disagreed with the shackling of Amidala.
 * 116) **"Farr, Amidala, Binks, and "Boogie", a Kwazel Maw, soon defeated many of the battle droids that had accompanied Gunray to Rodia." This comes straight out of the blue, as Farr's doubt of his alliance with Gunray was not specifically mentioned before. This objection is remaining above somewhere in my second look, and this will be fixed once the other one is fixed. It needs to be stated somewhere that "Farr began to doubt his alliance with the Confederacy..." and examples need to be given.
 * 117) *In the P&T, why would Farr want to bribe another senator?
 * 118) *More can be said re: Farr's support of his people. Didn't his willingness to somewhat sacrifice his morals and ally himself with the Separatists support this? I'm not sure what his morals were to begin with, but more can be said on the support he gave to his people.
 * 119) *That Farr was an ally of Amidala's father and a family friend of hers needs to be mentioned in the P&T.
 * 120) * "In addition, Farr was somewhat frightened by bounty hunter Cad Bane and his posse, as he was willing to comply with the Hunter's orders and did not doubt the reality of Bane's threats." It's either he was frightened or wasn't frightened; don't leave room for speculation.
 * 121) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   20:41, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) *The article's coming along; it's just the Mission to Rugosa and the P&T that mainly need work right now.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Eol Sha lichen

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:20, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: It was deGA'd becuase it was not 250 words.... 251! Well. Fine, not anymore. =P

(3 ACs/5 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 23:28, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 16:36, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 18:49, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:55, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 00:54, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) After a hefty copy-edit to cut down on too much extraneous detail. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:35, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:48, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Info unique to intro. In fact, in the process moving much of the info from the intro to a fresh "History" section, you removed a ref note in the intro to the Jedi Academy Sourcebook, so there's also unsourced info. There's info in the lead quote not present in the article, and an italicization issue in the BtS. This should be much more than 251 words long. And it would be nice to see a little care and thought taken with GA noms. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:27, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've added the description section and all info that I can see that was part of the sourcebook was also in the novel itself. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:03, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The Grand Master
 * 4) * There is some info unique to the intro, be sure to add it into the main body.
 * 5) * "Using the Force in a way he had been able to many times before" This is a little awkward and unclear, please reword.
 * 6) * The History section ends a little abruptly, mention briefly what this "second test" was.
 * 7) * Add the release date of Jedi Search in the Bts.
 * 8) **This particular objection isn't required of FAs/GAs; just wanted to let you know that. It's up to the nominator on whether he includes it or not.  CC7567  (talk) 22:33, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Ok, thanks for letting me know. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 23:28, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 21:30, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Floyd:
 * 12) * Contextify Gantoris upon first mention.
 * 13) * Mention that Luke was trying to get Gantoris to join the Academy earlier.
 * 14) * Does his second test (with the lava) really relate to this article about the lichen?
 * 15) *Nice job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:47, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Done. Thank you for reviewing the article. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:03, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) Attack of the Clone
 * 18) * "It was protected by the extreme heat by growing in deep crevasses within the geysers." Unclear as to what "it" is.
 * 19) **I'm not seeing how, the subject of the previous sentence is crystal clear. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:13, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Saying "that quest" is a bit awkward; makes it sound like it was a different quest.
 * 21) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:13, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * What was the use of seeing if Skywalker would be caught in the boiling water and super-heated steam?
 * 23) **Clairified. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:13, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***Bit of a run-on.  CC7567  (talk) 15:58, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:25, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 03:16, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Young advisory council

 * Nominated by: Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 06:45, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second GA nom, this one twice as long.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 02:12, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 16:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:35, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:52, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Instant attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "Plus" needs to be replaced; it's colloquial.
 * 3) **Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Can it be mentioned earlier in the intro that Cerasi was the head?
 * 5) **Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Cerasi and Nield need a bit of context as to who they were; it's unclear whether they were part of the original Young or the Elders.
 * 7) **It seems clear to me&mdash;the Young formed a government and they were part of the government, so it logically follows that they were part of the Young. However, I can change it if you still don't like it. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "a vote on the council": try to reword a bit; it's slightly awkward.
 * 9) **Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Kenobi needs context.
 * 11) **I'm not sure what you mean here. What kind of context? Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Padawan? Failed Padawan? Self-exile from the Jedi Order?  CC7567  (talk) 20:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 01:35, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Another early action was to ban anyone": bit awkward; try going for something like "The council also..." instead of wording it this way.
 * 15) **Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * "the votes were six for the stop action and five against, with Kenobi, the last to vote, voting for the motion." Bit unclear what "the motion" is, also because it's not really chronological. Maybe say that it was five to five, and then say Kenobi voted to stop the act.
 * 17) **Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Bit unclear to the chronology as to when the Elders arrived to protest.
 * 19) **The book doesn't say when. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "the fragmentation of the council was complete": sounds a bit like it was a plan executed by an enemy.
 * 21) **Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:36, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Still sounds a bit awkward; I think it should be simply "The council fragmented" or change it to something else. It can fragment overtime (and if you're going to emphasize it that way, it should be made clearer earlier), but "fragment" is an awkward word choice for disintegration overtime.  CC7567  (talk) 20:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Addressed again, hopefully. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 01:35, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Looks fine otherwise. Good job.  CC7567  (talk) 07:03, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) IFYLOFD says hello:
 * 26) * Contextify The Young in the intro.
 * 27) **Addressed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Contextify Cerasi in the intro and the main body.
 * 29) **She's already identified as the head of the council in both places, and I can't think of anything else to say. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "ended the war by waging a new war against the Melida and Daan," A little confusing. Just clarify it a little bit.
 * 31) **Reworded. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Contextify the Elders.
 * 33) **Again, not sure what else to say other than what is already said, which is that they were a faction of both Melida and Daan. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Clear up why they would want to destroy the Halls of Evidence.
 * 35) **Addressed, I think.
 * 36) * In Fragmentation, you mention that Obi-Wan and Cerasi try to stop the destruction of the Halls. But later you mention that Nield was destroying "another Hall". Is this one of the Halls of Evidence, or something unrelated?
 * 37) **Clarified.
 * 38) * "Nield started working on Mawat" Working on isn't really the right choice of verb. Use a more situation-appropriate word.
 * 39) **Reworded, but I'm not sure about it. If you don't like it, feel to change it to something you do like because I can't think of anything else. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:52, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:10, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * You may want to create a "Composition" section.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  13:38, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * The reason I didn't do a "Composition" section is because it would be ridiculously short&mdash;the only information available is that there are ten members elected for one year each and that the head was Cerasi, plus the names of a few other members. If there was more info available, I could see using that section, but since there's not enough info and we don't have an LG entry for legislatures&mdash;probably due to an appalling lack of GAs or FAs on legislative bodies&mdash;I simply incorporated the info into the "History" section where appropriate. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 18:20, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Jorad

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 22:50, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: a typical Jedi-turned-Dark-Side-Adept

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 18:18, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:15, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good work; sorry about the confusion :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:11, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "He was captured by members of the Inquisitorius, a group of Dark Side Adepts who served the Galactic Empire, a galactic government that had succeeded the Republic." Context builds off of each other way too much; please remove one. The Empire would be the more likely one, as it's rather self-contextualizing.
 * 3) **Fixed --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***"Perform his duties" and "perform his role" are both a bit awkward word choice. The first sound like he did chores, while the second is just a bit awkward. Please see if you can reword.  CC7567  (talk) 15:41, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I have rewrote both of them, but I slightly disagree with your logic. Inquisitors were essentially glorified errand boys for Palpatine --Jinzler 17:01, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****I'm not sure; it gave me the sense that in doing chores, they didn't enjoy what they did. I wasn't sure of this, so I'm striking it, but feel free to change it back if you wish; it was just rather awkward wording.  CC7567  (talk) 18:18, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Jorad was assigned to serve his masters": issue in both the intro and the body; it previously stated that he became an Inquisitor, and that implies that he held equal rank instead of being a subordinate. Please clarify.
 * 8) **Rephrased --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "'Jorad was able to evade death": bit awkward wording; sounds like he was trying to prevent dying a natural death or become immortal. Please reword.
 * 10) **Rephrased --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "but was eventually captured by members of the Inquisitorius, an order of Dark Side Adepts who served the Galactic Empire, the Republic's successor government, as Jedi hunters." Same context issue as before; please smooth out flow.
 * 12) **Fixed --Jinzler 15:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * CC7567  (talk) 23:11, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Soresu
 * 15) * I wouldn't call Palpatine ruler of the Republic. More like head.
 * 16) **Rephrased --Jinzler 09:40, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * It could probably be made more clear that the Republic was destroyed and the Galactic Empire became its successor. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:09, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Clarified --Jinzler 09:40, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) The Grand Master
 * 20) * "Following the declaration of Order 66, an order that called for the execution of the Jedi, many Jedi were killed and the Galactic Empire, the Republic's successor government, began hunting down the survivors." This is long/awkward, please reword.
 * 21) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * In the middle part of the intro, you use "became" several times. Please reword.
 * 23) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "When a team of Alderaanian Resistance agents traveled to Prakith to free Jedi Master Denia, who had been captured by the Inquisitorius, Jorad located the agents in Prak City, and engaged them in combat and attempted to capture them." The second "and" is a little awkward. Please reword.
 * 25) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Jorad was able to survive the resulting purge, that was implemented by the Galactic Empire, a galactic governement that had replaced the Republic." Also awkward, please reword.
 * 27) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "His role there was to patrol Prak City, the planet's capital city, to locate any Force-users there, so that they could be taken to the Citadel Inquisitorius, the headquarters of the Inquisitorius, for questioning." This is somewhat of a run-on. Break it up or reword.
 * 29) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ***I don't wish to sound rude Jon, as I appreciate you taking time to review this article, but does you lack of striking of this objection mean that you do not believe I have adequately delt with it? --Jinzler 22:43, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****Yeah, that part was fine; it's just the new wording is also slightly awkward (see below). Do you want me to fix it? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:49, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *** "After finding any, he would take them&hellip;" This is a little awkward now. Please reword. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:15, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Hopefully, it sounds better now --Jinzler 23:06, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "He was bilingual and in addition to Basic, he could also speak Bocce." Grammar issue; please fix.
 * 35) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * You state several of his combat techniques in the P&t section; they should be moved to Powers and abilites.
 * 37) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:02, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 01:26, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Calo Nord

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:17, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope it passes.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) *The intro currently seems rather disproportionate to his history; the intro is currently half the size of the history section. Please see if you can cut it down some. Notably, his activity on Taris can be shortened as a whole.
 * 3) * "When he was no longer one of the hunted, he became one of the hunters" I understand the embellishment, but it's not appropriate to the article as formal writing; please change.
 * 4) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***No, it's still there; just reword it in general.
 * 6) ****Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "When the Sith began to bombard Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was Nord's rival&mdash;and the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk." This sentence is very confusing; please check again.
 * 8) **Try it now. I rearranged the second paragraph, and I think I made it clear that it was Shan, Onasi, Ordo, and Revan who were stealing the Ebon Hawk, the original version just said "they".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***I put this down instead: Shan and her companions—the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—attempted to steal Kang's flagship. I removed the "who was one of Kang's employees", and the "former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * It says in the intro that several people put the bounty on his head, while in the body it's only one.
 * 11) *"She, the former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was also one of Kang's employees&mdash;attempted to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk so that they could escape Taris." Unclear; please reword.
 * 12) **I did put "Shan and her companions" down, but I think that who her companions were is important.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "to take everyone down with him" makes it sound like he was descending into somewhere; reword please.
 * 14) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "and told the Sith Lord, along with the Sith Admiral Saul Karath": Unclear whether the admiral was addressing the Sith Lord with Nord or was part of the audience.
 * 16) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "and to capture Shan alive, if possible": unclear whether if he wanted to capture Shan alive, "if possible," or whether he wanted to capture Shan "if possible."
 * 18) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ***No, it's still unclear.
 * 20) ****How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "Nord and a group of thugs": can "thugs" be replaced (in all places it appears) by something less colloquial and more specific?
 * 22) **What else could I really call them? I can;t call them mercenaries because they weren't, same deal with boubty hunters.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:35, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***If I might intrude and propose synonyms: They were enforcers, minions, henchmen (henchbeings?), [professional] criminals, subordinates, followers. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Thanks for the suggestion, Skippy Farlstendoiro. Put "henchman" down instead of thugs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *"Nord gave the former Sith Lord credit for leading him on quite a chase": too colloquial.
 * 26) **How about this? Nord told Revan that he gave him credit for leading him on quite a chase, however, Nord said him that no one could escape him in the end.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***It's the dialogue, mostly; that and the following sentence are a bit distracting from the events. Try to see if you can shorten it a tad.  CC7567  (talk) 15:58, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "When Revan tried to get Nord to agree to a deal": please replace "get", as it's too colloquial. Also, what was the deal?
 * 29) **I replaced it with this: When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting,. How's that?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Why is Nord's species and gender all the way down in the P&T instead of at the beginning of the body?
 * 31) * First sentence of the P&T is rather POV-oriented; please try to reword.
 * 32) **This is from his entry in the databank, however.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "Nord's loyalty was to hard credits, and sometimes, to the thrill of the hunt.": please try to reword.
 * 34) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***It's still just too confusing, and the embellishment isn't working. Please just remove this and reword the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 16:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ****Except this is also stated in teh databank's entry on him, so I can;t just ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *****The DB entries aren't necessary good formal writing. In this case, the embellishment isn't working because it's making the sentence too confusing. Find a different way to state it. What did this loyalty mean?  CC7567  (talk) 23:54, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ******Adjusted it to "whoever had the most credits".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *I'll take another look after these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) One:
 * 41) * On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters and murdered his parents. - Databank says he murdereds his parents after the slavers, but not exactly on the same day.
 * 42) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * You should state that he was taking assignments from everybody as long as he was paid. Both in the intro and the bio. The fact that he worked for the Republic in the Core should be mentioned as well.
 * 44) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *You say that Revan, Canderous, Carth and Bastila were all trying to steal the Ebon Hawk, while in the game only Revan and Canderous are required to be present at that moment, and only one other party member is accompanying them. Need to clarify both in the intro and the body.
 * 46) **This is where it gets tricky. Yes, you can only have one party member, but Karath clearly tells Malak that Shan was aided by Carth Onasi, and when he introduces Nord to Malak, he says that he was there when Bastila and Carth escaped the planet. I feel that this overrides the game mechanics, but incase it doesn;t I just mentioned Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ***Ah, get it now. How about you explain all this in an additional reference?
 * 48) * Unsourced paragraph in the P&T.
 * 49) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * "He also carried four stun grenades and two thermal detonators... Nord carried 2,000 credits on his person." - sounds a lot like game mechanics. Needs serious tweaking.
 * 51) **I believe I've taken care of this. Since the exact amount of grenades and detonators is stated in the campaign guide, I couldn't ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ***Better now.
 * 53) * Optional: If you use Mission quote about Iridian Plague, I suggest you mention it somewhere in the body as well. In that case you will also need to create the respective article.
 * 54) **Huh? What respective article, since it already exists?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ***Well, I decided not to wait and created the article myself. I also removed a link from a quote.
 *  Mauser  Comlink 08:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll take care of these objections as soon as I can, in a matter of a few days.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:21, 13 May 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: Procedure

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 04:07, 16 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:For once, I don't have a stupid joke to make. It's a six-page web comic, what can I say? :P

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina; Devil's Advocate
 * 2) *I'm sorry, but this article needs a lot more info. It needs a Conception section and a Production section (Or at least a Development section to cover these.).
 * 3) **I changed the Bts to a Development section.
 * 4) ***It needs more info relevant to a development section. That info is fine as a Bts but it has nothing to do with the conception of the comic, so it doesn't qualify currently as a "development section." Just something more about the purpose of it (why they're doing these parallels) and maybe even the creators' discussions about it would suffice this. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:30, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I believe mentioning who created the comic is relevant in the development section. Also, since the comic is so small, there really isn't much information on the Procedure out there. I did put in how it was paralleling the show, but other than that, there really isn't much I can put in there. Kilson Likes PIE 17:44, 23 May 09 (UTC)
 * 6) *It should have some kind of Reaction section, for response by critics, but I'm a little flexible on this one as it is a six page web-comic.
 * 7) **Well, I can't really find any real reactions other than a few fan reactions on some small websites. I don't think a reception section is possible.
 * 8) ***Well, send the sites to my talk page and I can judge if they're noteworthy, IMO at least. Its very possible, even if it is mostly or all fan reaction. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *It needs to be sourced (i.e. the Infobox and Bts). (And no, not all that info is sourcable to the comic itself)
 * 10) **Added
 * 11) *Nowhere in the article does it say that it is part of a series of comics paralleling the show.
 * 12) **Added
 * 13) ***I'm not finding the addition. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:30, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****First sentence in the Development section.
 * 15) *****That should also be in the intro. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ******Added
 * 17) *The plot section should be much more detailed. For example, there is no mention of the planet Bormus.
 * 18) * Context on Anakin Skywalker.
 * 19) **Context added
 * 20) *"Anakin Skywalker speaks to Supreme Chancellor Palpatine and Senator Ask Aak via hologram, asking them whether or not he can use the new Y-wings starfighters against the Confederacy's new weapon." What weapon?
 * 21) **Added
 * 22) ***The intro too. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Context on Twilight.
 * 24) **Added
 * 25) * Context on Bormus Testing Facility.
 * 26) **I already gave some, but I added a little more
 * 27) * "However, after Skywalker and Tano bring up telling the Supreme Chancellor about how the Gran delayed their efforts, the worker allows Skywalker to take the fighters." A bit confusing. Reword.
 * 28) **Reworded
 * 29) **Oh, I forgot. It needs a Main Characters section. In this case, its likely all of the characters in the story with names and the Gran, who should probably have his own article.
 * 30) ***Added
 * 31) *Good luck. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:42, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Lucius malfoy7
 * 33) *My preliminaries.
 * 34) **Development needs a lot more work. Any Bts/interesting stuff you can find needs to be included.
 * 35) ***I put some extra stuff in there, but as I said to Naru above, there really isn't that much information out there.
 * 36) **Please expand/reword in the sections that Naru has explained, and these:
 * 37) ***When they reach the facility, Anakin speaks to a Gran working at the facility while Matchstick and Broadside, members of Shadow Squadron, secure the fighters. R2-D2 gives the worker falsified documents stating that Skywalker can take the new starfighters, but the Gran refuses to give the Jedi the Y-wings because it violates procedure. Run-on.
 * 38) ****Fixed
 * 39) ***Overall plot expansion.
 * 40) ****Expanded
 * 41) **I'll review more once these are addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   02:29, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Fett's 2 cents
 * 43) * "Skyalker" Misspelled Skywalker
 * 44) **Fixed :)  JangFett  Talk 00:08, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "Skyalker, his personal astromech droid R2-D2, Tano, and Shadow Squadron take off in the Twilight, Skywalker's personal G9 Rigger freighter." Needs rewriting, possibly begin with Skywalker took Shadow Squadron along with...
 * 46) * "When they reach the facility" Whose they?
 * 47) **Added
 * 48) * "At first, the clone troopers guarding the starfighters don't allow the pilots near the ships." Why?
 * 49) **Added
 * 50) * "However, since Broadside and Matchstick have a Jedi with them that outrank the guards, they are allowed to secure the Y-wings." You introduced 2 unknown characters and you didn't introduce them previously. Possibly add they belong to Shadow Squadron.
 * 51) **Ummm... look at the first sentance in the second paragraph, "Anakin speaks to a Gran working at the facility while Matchstick and Broadside, pilots from Shadow Squadron, secure fighters." Kilson Likes PIE 17:52, 23 May 09 (UTC)
 * 52) *"The Gran worker, however, allows Skywalker to take the fighters after the Skywalker and Tano threaten to tell the Supreme Chancellor about how the Gran delayed their efforts." Needs a rewrite.
 * 53) **Added
 * 54) *Overall this article has potential and with more expanded context Ill give you my vote :) Ill update if I see more that needs to be fixed.
 * 55) **Yeah, I probably nominated the article prematurely, thanks for the review dude. :) Kilson Likes PIE 20:54, 24 May 09 (UTC)
 * 56) * JangFett  Talk 23:53, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of the Hungry Ghost

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 16:06, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None, just pass it

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks good. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:19, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * For a "minor battle", the intro is rather disproportionate. Please see if you can cut it down some.
 * 3) **I'm not exactly sure how to do that, can you tell me which parts I don't need?&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***You have to use your own judgment for this. However, the prelude in the intro doesn't need that much, and overall, there are some details (key word, "details") that could be cut out. If you still need help, let me know.
 * 5) ****I still need some help, because I don't exactly know what to cut out.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:57, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****I'll leave a message on your talk page soon.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Good, I just need to know what to take out and what to put in in the intro.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:51, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *In the future, for ref tags in the infobox, please remember to use Ref templates.
 * 10) **Thanks for the help.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * The Hungry Ghost needs context in the intro. It's mentioned (and linked) later in the intro with context, yes, but it comes too late.
 * 12) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *** You might want to add the stuff about Rokk and his pirates' ownership of the craft here, because it's a bit confusing coming later.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Now it's done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "hundreds of thousands of pieces of Death Star wreckage": too wordy, please shorten.
 * 16) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * They "scavenged" some of the parts of what?
 * 18) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Millennium Falcon ' s affiliation? It's unclear at first and confusing.
 * 20) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "The pirate, wishing to get the cargo the Millennium Falcon was carrying, bombs, sent out fighters to disable the ship, which they executed successfully.": "get the cargo" is too colloquial; also, the sentence overall is confusing. Please check this.
 * 22) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *** The "the cargo it was carrying, bombs." is rather choppy; please try to rephrase. The embellishment doesn't really work here.
 * 24) ****Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***** Colloquial wording still remaining; please check.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ******Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived and confronted the pirates. Luke's fighter, however..." It would be better to say that he arrived in the fighter first.
 * 28) **I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *** It would be better to say "another Rebel, Skywalker, arrived in his fighter and confronted the pirates." because it's at first unclear about how he arrives.
 * 30) ****Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Unclear if "tyrannical" applies to the Empire or the Death Star. Also, it's slightly POV-oriented.
 * 32) **Removed tyrannical, you're right about that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * It's confusing as to why Skywalker and Solo are "future members". Just say that they rescued her and became members later.
 * 34) **Removed future.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Solo decided to investigate and find the unknown ship": investigate and find are rather redundant; please choose one or the other. Also, it's confusing as to why Solo would have to "find" the ship, because if he "tracked" it, didn't he already know its location?
 * 36) **True, chose investigate because it sounds better and he couldn't find it because of the wreckage.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***It's not very clear why his view being obstruction would cause him to investigate the ship itself.
 * 38) ****He assumed it was Imperial spies.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *****It's still unclear. I don't understand why his view being obstructed would lead him to investigate or believe that the ship contained Imperial spies. Please clarify this.  CC7567  (talk) 06:25, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters. These TIE Fighters, however, were not of Imperial ownership, but were painted red, leading the crew to believing they were not dealing with the Empire." These two sentences are too choppy. Also, "dealing with the Empire" can be worded to be less colloquial, because it sounds as if they're actually arranging a deal with the Empire.
 * 41) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ***They're still rather choppy; please try to merge them.
 * 43) ****It's still two sentences, but I evened them out more.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *****Is it for certain that the TIE Fighters were not of Imperial ownership simply because they were red? If it's not, perhaps reword to "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters that were painted red; their color scheme led the crew to believe that they were not of Imperial ownership."
 * 45) ******I used your text because I couldn't think of anything better.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "that Rokk liked to give his victims slow deaths": please change "like" to something less colloquial and more specific.
 * 47) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "The red TIE Fighters, however, hit the Millennium Falcon exactly where the weak point was." What weak point?
 * 49) **It doesn't say in the book, so I won't mention it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ***Even if it hasn't been specified, the sentence itself needs rewording; it's unclear what the weak point belonged to.  CC7567  (talk) 23:34, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ****I left the whole weak point thing out.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "and the Falcon was forced to dock to Rokk's ship. After docking aboard the Hungry Ghost": bit redundant here.
 * 53) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "Rokk revealed that he would take the Millennium Falcon ' s cargo, bombs." Rather choppy, and the "would" needs to be changed into a more appropriate verb tense. He "planned to take" the cargo, perhaps?
 * 55) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *** This sentence now makes the following content of the article unclear, as there's now no mention of the bombs being the Falcon ' s cargo in the body.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Changed.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:09, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "almost hitting crucial parts of the ship in the process": which ship?
 * 59) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "After arguing about escaping" needs rewording.
 * 61) **Done - changed to "arguing about escape plans".&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *There's a lot of overlinking I'm noticing throughout the article; only link the first time something appears and the first time it appears in the body, and no more. Also, there's a lot of full names being used when a last name would suffice, and there are also first names being used when last names should be used; unless there are two people with the same last name, last names should always be used after the first mention. I've corrected these, but please keep this in mind in the future.
 * 63) **Thanks! This is actually one of my first times writing a long article by myself, there is a lot I need to learn.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "Lunged himself," where it is used both times, needs rewording. It's either he "lunged at Skywalker" or something different; the word isn't meant to be used this way.
 * 65) **Done, I need to start looking up words I'm unsure of before I use them...&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * "Luke escaped through the hatch that lead to the Millennium Falcon, along with R2-D2, and his protocol droid, C-3PO." It sounds as though Threepio is R2's protocol droid. Please reword.
 * 67) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Can it be mentioned earlier that Skywalker was a Jedi?
 * 69) **Done - "Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and member of the Alliance" in the first paragraph.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * "Rokk turned all of the laser cannons on the fleeing freighter": needs rewording; this part is slightly colloquial.
 * 71) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "got out of range": "got" is rather colloquial.
 * 73) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * When you say that Solo activated the detonator, it's unclear that the bombs were on the Ghost. You mentioned before that they were being loaded from the Falcon, but it was never specified.
 * 75) **Done - added a small bit where I talk about the spider droids.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * CC7567  (talk) 17:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Fett's 2 cents
 * 78) * "'Millennium Falcon, prepare to be boarded!". Millennium Falcon doesn't have to be in bold.
 * 79) **It's that way because of a coding error. I've fixed it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ***Understood CC :)  JangFett  Talk 23:05, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ****Thanks for fixing that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) *"They broke free of the cables that held them to the ship and evaded laserfire from the Hungry Ghost." Who broke free?
 * 83) **Context from the sentence helps this out a bit but I changed it anyways.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) *"Before Skywalker could attack, a laser turret aboard the ship fired and wounded him." Make sure you identify who this ship is. Which ship?
 * 85) **I specified it as being behind Rokk, who is aboard the Hungry Ghost.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * JangFett  Talk 20:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) Soresu
 * 88) * The quote captions should be more descriptive. Just the name of the speaker isn't enough. You need to give some context.
 * 89) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * Context on the Death Star in the intro.
 * 91) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived in his starfighter and confronted the pirates. Skywalker's fighter, however, was damaged in the ensuing battle, However is repetitive.
 * 93) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * Leia Organa, a founding member of the Alliance to Restore the Republic, was rescued from the Death Star, the Galactic Empire's planet-destroying superweapon, by Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and member of the Alliance, Han Solo, another member of the Alliance, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Jedi Master aligned with the Alliance. Alliance is too repetitive, making the sentence confusing. See if you can contextualize Obi, Han, and Wormie all in one go. For example, you could just say that they were all members of the Alliance, since Luke and Obi-Wan being Jedi doesn't affect the battle in any way.
 * 95) ** Actually, I do need the Jedi bit but I'll change it up to make it shorter.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *After notifying Rokk of Skywalker's survival, Rokk ordered the pirates to destroy Skywalker before he caused trouble. Rokk notified Rokk of Skywalker's survival? Don't you mean After being notified of Skywalker's survival, Rokk...?
 * 97) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * a laser turret behind Rokk fired and wounded him. It's unclear whether "him" refers to Rokk of Skywalker. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:37, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) The comic this battle is in was also published in Star Wars Tales Volume 2. Consequently, you need to reword the Bts which says it was only in SW Kids. --Eyrezer 09:40, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) *Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) Attack of the Clone II
 * 103) * The objection about the obstruction of Solo's view in relation to his investigation of the ship is still remaining above; please check it.
 * 104) **I removed the obstruction thing because now I re-looked at the comic and it says nothing about that. It just says they scan it and investigate.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * "He managed to make it into the Hungry Ghost ' s hangar bay, and then on foot through the ship, continually being chased by the pirates." Lack of a verb in the second part of the sentence is making this confusing. Also, if you change it to say that Skywalker was "running" through the ship, please make sure to remove "on foot", as it would be redundant.
 * 106) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please try not to excessively use the word "then"; it makes articles excessively chronological and play-by-play. I've corrected one or two, but please go through the article again and omit the unnecessary uses.
 * 108) **There were no other uses of the word "then," you can check yourself.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ***Really? I'm noticing at least five.  CC7567  (talk) 18:53, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) ****I just copied the whole thing to Notepad and looked for the word "then". Even after rereading it, I can't find it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:11, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) *****Perhaps use the "find" function. To name a few: "The pirates then docked to the Millennium Falcon, intending to take the bombs the Falcon was carrying." "Solo then triggered the detonator, destroying the Hungry Ghost." "The Rebels then evacuated their base before more Imperial troops arrived." Those are just a few, and there are two others in the article. Not all of them are necessary, and I suggest removing those that aren't.  CC7567  (talk) 21:34, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ******I'll keep that in mind. I deleted all of the "then's".&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:58, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) *******I did a bit of rewording and restored one, as the sentences were left a bit choppy. (That's what I meant by removing the ones that were unnecessary.)  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) Toprawa:
 * 116) *You have some serious sourcing issues throughout. There are a number of independent sources that I'm not sure have any way of verifying the information in this article. Let me provide you an example of what I mean: The infobox's battle succession fields claim that the Evacuation of Yavin immediately preceded this battle, and you source this information to the original Classic Star Wars comic. That CSW comic in no way verifies that this specific battle in this article followed the Evacuation of Yavin. You need to use a source that makes that connection directly. If there is no connection, those fields should be left blank. Please check all of the information in this article relating to these instances of independent sourcing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:00, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) **Actually, it does. Death Star Pirates begins with Rebel ships jumping to hyperspace, and Luke says, "See you at Hoth," or something like that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:08, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ***You completely misunderstood everything I've just explained. You use Race for Survival, the original CSW comic from 1983, as a source for the Evacuation of Yavin preceding this battle. In no way, shape, or form does Race for Survival back up this information. You need a source that literally says "the evacuation of Yavin preceded the Battle of the Hungry Ghost." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) ****Ah. Okay.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) *****Same thing now with reference notes 3 (A New Hope) and 4 (Empire Strikes Back). The films don't exactly work as sources for that information. This really shouldn't be a tough change, but try to find more relevant sources. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:34, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) * Additionally, this article would really benefit from "Prelude" and "Aftermath" sections to complement "The battle." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) **I actually already had a prelude and aftermath, but it didn't say "prelude" and "aftermath." I've changed it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Malevolence

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 01:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it is done :)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Battle of Sullust (Galactic Civil War)

 * Nominated by: DjMack
 * Nomination comments:

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) "The Expanded Universe never elaborated on the said event until Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron was released in 2007, giving the details of the battle." - Not true, Star Wars: X-wing Alliance featured the massing of the fleet at Sullust. Thefourdotelipsis 06:02, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've never played that game, would you be able to add any info that comes from that game into the article? DjMack 06:51, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **It's actually quite a large level, and will require a fair bit of work. I suggest asking around on IRC - I personally won't be able to get that info in the forseeable future. Thefourdotelipsis 23:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Clone prelims
 * 5) *Sourcing in the intro is a big no-no.
 * 6) *The intro overall needs to be expanded. What happened during the battle? Not to the point where it's disproportionate to the length of the article itself, but only stating the battle's purpose is not sufficient.
 * 7) *I don't know why, but there are unnecessary spaces between each ref. Please go through the article and fix.
 * 8) *Date needs to be mentioned in the intro.
 * 9) *No links in quotes.
 * 10) *Is there a specific reason that the article's name has the date? If not, it needs to be Battle of Sullust (Galactic Civil War).
 * 11) *Please link to the actual articles instead of redirects, as you did for Darth Vader.
 * 12) *Please refer to the Manual of Style and Layout Guide and make sure that the article adheres to both.
 * 13) * CC7567  (talk) 07:40, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Mauser
 * 15) *Crop the IGN logo out of the onfobox image.
 * 16) *"humiliating Darth Vader during the Battle of Hoth" - needs context.
 * 17) *In casualties section: Possibly entire garrison - an Assumption.
 * 18) * Mauser  Comlink 20:04, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Duel on Mustafar

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 15:43, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sources added and fixed up few spelling errors.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) All sources are added, great job cleaning up. — Excelsior,   The Flash  - ( Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay! ) 15:48, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Battle near the Kaliida Nebula

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 03:38, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The (not-so-thrilling) conclusion to CloneProject Malevolence Crisis.

(2 ACs/6 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Per brief IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 23:22, 25 May 09 (UTC)
 * 2) THE SHOT HEARD ROUND THE GALAXY: A RIVETING TALE OF ADVENTURE AND ROMANCE SET IN THE HARROWING MONTHS OF THE EARLY-MID CLONE WARS.  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:34, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Just finished reading it. Great job!&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 16:04, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 19:24, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good work, as always. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:14, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:47, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * The first sentence/paragraph in the "prelude" section is a bit of a run-on; please break it up some.
 * 3) **I realize this, but I left it that way because I believe that if the sentences are split up, they will be too choppy and will need further details to smooth it out, which will detract from the article's subject of the battle itself. I can try if you still want, but I'm not sure what I can do to still keep it focused on the battle.
 * 4) ***Well, after thinking it over some, you might better off just deleting the second part of the sentence entirely ("and Skywalker was accompanied by his Padawan, Jedi Commander Ahsoka Tano, as well as High Jedi General Plo Koon.") and waiting until the "Aftermath" section to bring Koon and Tano up, since they're really only relevant to that section. That would also solve the run-on. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 18:48, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I wasn't comfortable with saying that, as it was rather confusing without setup, but I tried to word it better.  CC7567  (talk) 19:07, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Unduli was later able to rout the Confederate reinforcements." I have no problem with the assumption that she won the battle (per the explanation in the reference). However, "rout" is defined as "to defeat decisively". We don't know how easily she defeated them AFAIK, so "rout" seems a step into OR to me; please reword.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) *Great job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 06:50, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Grand Master
 * 11) * Hey CC, sorry for the post-vote objection, but the reason I changed "Confederate" was because you used it twice so close to each other, which seemed a little redundant. I think that one of them (it doesn't really matter which one) needs to be changed to help it flow better. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:08, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. I find that consistency is better throughout the article; passing over variety, I believe that interchanging between "Confederate" and "Separatist" is too confusing. I understand that it may help the leading quote, but I feel that it's fine as it is.  CC7567  (talk) 02:25, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Ok, not a big problem. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:27, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Back from a short break
 * 15) * Confederacy/Confederate gets a little bit repetitive after a while. Could you replace some with Separatist instead?
 * 16) **Please see above; I understand that it's a bit redundant, but I dislike doing so because I personally feel it's too confusing.
 * 17) ***Ahh... I see. Apologies for my lack of reading the earlier objections. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:47, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *Great work. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:12, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Thanks.  CC7567  (talk) 15:54, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * No, nothing else is known, as far as I’m concerned. And there aren't any images, as the battle didn't actually appear; it was only mentioned. Rather sad, no?  CC7567  (talk) 03:38, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Tyluun Night-Soarer

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 05:14, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Marvel and KOTOR: by your powers combined, I am Captain Planet

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 03:56, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "They were bipedal in form, of both blue and brown skin coloration": on the choppy side.
 * 3) * "In a departure from the usual non-lethal nature of the competition, in this round": slightly choppy as well.
 * 4) * By "vemon", I'm unsure if you mean "venom"; please check.
 * 5) * "Following this, the Night-soarers did not reappear in Star Wars continuity for 30 years, until reappearing": please reword one of the "reappear"s.
 * 6) * CC7567  (talk) 06:24, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Hopefully they'll all be fixed up. Intros are not my favourite task! --Eyrezer 07:34, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "With these, the Night-soarers were capable of independent flight. Night-soarers had five fingered hands that were tipped with sharp claws." Also a bit choppy; might want to try playing around with the first sentence.
 * 9) **Cleaned up --Eyrezer 03:16, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *" Competitor" was used a bit excessively in the article. I reworded one (feel free to change), but I think the other one needs to be reworded as well; there were at least three remaining, I believe.  CC7567  (talk) 08:12, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **It's now in there only twice - once for each fight --Eyrezer 03:16, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) The Galactic Republic section is a tad confusing. I find myself wondering how many Night-Soarers there are, despite the fact that you state there are two. Also, you seem to contradict yourself and repeat events in those two paragraphs. All in all, that section just confused me and should be modified. If you need more specific details, I can try to give them to you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:19, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *I wouldn't mind some more info. Both Night-Soarers attacked Goethar, if that is why you think I repeated events. I've changed the first paragraph around a little bit, which may help. --Eyrezer 23:25, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Hmm...it seems better today. :P I made a small change, but it's basically just a wording edit.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Cheers for the review. Good change, by the way. It works well. --Eyrezer 23:40, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 17) * The opening quote is a bit confusing without a bit more context. Could you add a short note about what the situation is? Perhaps "Bardron to Jervo Thalien at the Blah Blah Games" or whatever it is.
 * 18) **Done
 * 19) *"...working in pairs, they attempted to defeat their opponents..." It's unclear what they're trying to defeat them in. Combat? A race? Basketball?
 * 20) **added a bit about non-lethal weapons --Eyrezer 03:16, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *In the same section, it gets confusing trying to figure who's doing what. Could you go through and make sure the antecedents are clear on all the theys and thems and pairs?
 * 22) **How does it look now? --Eyrezer 03:25, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Apparently, these guys can and do speak Basic, which should be noted somewhere.
 * 24) **Lol, I did have this in there, but I thought it might be too presumptuous to assume they are speaking Basic in the comic... :P Added in. --Eyrezer 01:41, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Overall, it's a solid piece. I'm enjoying these noms of random, mostly forgotten species. :) ~ SavageBob 01:33, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Mauser:
 * File:Tyluun vs Goethar.jpg needs to be re-cropped: you can remove the black line at the top without losing anything from the image.
 * 1) *Rohlan Dyre participated in the events under the alias of "Spikes", you should mention that.
 * 2) * You should mention that the weapons used in Tandem Open were non-lethal.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) *Context on The Wheel.
 * 5) * (I can't believe I'm saying this) Context on Han Solo, no matter how ridiculous that may sound. Just say he was a smuggler, that should do fine.
 * 6) **He's already mentioned as being one of the other competitors. That seems to be all the context required in relation to the Night-Soarer. --Eyrezer 03:25, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *** I added the smuggler bit anyway, hope it's okay with you.
 * 8) *Otherwise all clear.  Mauser  Comlink 07:44, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Greyman for helping out with the Marvel comic issues. --Eyrezer 07:34, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Mag

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 22:57, 25 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I didn't put a P&T in because there really isn't that much information, and CC agrees.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink  22:36, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "Assigned to field-test an assortment of subzero gear, the squad was met with many problems. One of which was an elusive and deadly species that Mag's squad encountered, which they nicknamed the "ice men"." Choppy, and it makes it sound as though testing the gear and the Talz were connected; I don't believe they were.
 * 3) **How about now?
 * 4) * There's a bit too much flurry between the fall of Glid Station and what Skywalker and Kenobi's mission found. It needs to be stated (when it happened) that Glid Station was caught in the middle of the conflict. I would suggest trying to deduce how.
 * 5) **Added a little to the end, but honestly, there really isn't that much context on what /exactly/ happened.
 * 6) ***It appears that after Shiv and Mag were killed, the base was caught between the droid-Talz conflict, because the base was still apparently intact when Shiv and Mag were killed. The article is focusing more on the Jedi's mission and the analysis of the events than what actually happened, and it makes it sound as if all of it is speculation. Even if the exact situation isn't known, it's best to get it as close to it as possible. I would try to state what happened and then say that the Jedi discovered it, if need be.  CC7567  (talk) 23:30, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Not really sure what you want me to say exactly. That was pretty much what I was saying before. I put some more stuff in there, how about now? Kilson Likes PIE 1:32, 28 May 09 (UTC)
 * 8) *****It needs to be stated from a more neutral perspective rather than that it was discovered by the Jedi, i.e. "The base had been caught in the Talz-droid conflict, and the Jedi later discovered this on their mission". (That's not the wording that should be used; I'm only using it to give you the idea.)  CC7567  (talk) 05:03, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *I'll scrutinize the article a bit more later, but I'll leave you with these for now.  CC7567  (talk) 03:35, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Tried addressing your objections, thanks for the review CC. :) Kilson Likes PIE 19:27, 27 May 09 (UTC)
 * 11) Mauser:
 * 12) * If the infobox says he was born on Kamino, it should be mentioned in the bio as well.
 * 13) * Context on Glid Station is in the intro, but not in the body.
 * 14) **There already is context in the first paragraph of the body.
 * 15) * Optional: maybe you could start the bio with one sentence covering the fact that he was a clone of Jango Fett, born and trained to be a part of GAR and eventually earned the nickname Mag before jumping to events in 22 BBY?
 * 16) *Looks fine otherwise.  Mauser  Comlink 07:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **I addressed the other objections, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)
 * 18) Attack of the Clone II
 * 19) * I created a redlink for the Orto Plutonia CIS base; might want to create a stub for it.
 * 20) *The intro says that Kenobi and Skywalker were Jedi Master and Knight, respectively, while the body states they were Jedi Generals. Please pick one and stick to it.
 * 21) **I meant for you to choose either Master and Knight or Jedi Generals for both mentions and be consistent; please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 23:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) *That's pretty much it; good work.  CC7567  (talk) 22:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Addressed all. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll get to looking it over once more soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Kilson, I need to discuss possibly adding a P&T for the article over IRC; I'll catch you when you're next on.  CC7567  (talk) 22:25, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Gastrulan

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 18:18, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another nomination from the excellent work that is Bungo n' Rusti Get Carry-Out

(4 ACs/4 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:26, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:45, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 04:28, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --Eyrezer 08:23, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:45, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:47, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:28, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ~ SavageBob 22:25, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:54, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grandest of Masters
 * 2) * Intro: You say that they were just taller than Sullustans, without giving the reader any idea of how tall a Sullustan was.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Intro & Society and culture: Context for Bantha Breakfast Biscuits: not much is needed, just a general idea of what they were.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * Society and culture: Same for the Chubby Gundark
 * 7) **Rewritten - Chubby Gundark only refered to in History section.
 * 8) * History: same for Biscuit Baron.
 * 9) **Done. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 23:17, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 21:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Did they have two legs in addition to their arms? --Eyrezer 03:13, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *No way of telling, I'm afraid. All pictures end before they reach the lower half of the body :( - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 07:09, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) The comparative height with a Sullustan is explained both in the introduction and under Biology, but "Sullustans-who averaged a height of 1.5 meters-" is said only in the introduction. Could you change that part to Biology? I really feel no information should be only in the intro. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:34, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *Added. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:03, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 16) * Perhaps some mention of their hands? They seem to have no fingers, only a paddle-like hand and an opposable thumb. Other than that, good to go! ~ SavageBob 00:25, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Done. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:21, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Soresu
 * 19) * Some entry for height could probably go into the infobox. >1.5m or approximately 1.5m (whichever you think is more appropriate) would do. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:43, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Done. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:21, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to suspected Confederate space

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 04:40, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One of those minor TCW events that no one pays much attention to or cares about. :P

(1 ACs/6 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) No one might care about the event... but it's a solid article, and it's got my vote.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:17, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Another great job :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:06, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Per IRC Review (I really do too many of those) Kilson Likes PIE 01:44, 30 May 09 (UTC)
 * 4) You write well.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 01:43, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Doesn't it feel strange writing about Rex? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:49, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * No, it just eventually gets boring, because he appears in too many places. :P  CC7567  (talk) 18:15, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:28, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Very nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:05, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) * Seeing a lot of over linking
 * 3) **Don't see where. Mind pointing out?
 * 4) ***You linked 22 BBY, Clone Wars, Anakin, Ahsoka, Astromech Droid, Jedi General, Padawan, CIS, R3-S6, Galactic Republic, Anakin's Delta-7B starfighter in the Prelude when you have linked them in the intro. You also linked Twilight in the intro and linked it again in the Battle section. Ruusan Moon is linkd in the prelude, and linked again in the aftermath  JangFett  Talk 23:48, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****The intro and the body are separately regarded in linking.
 * 6) *****Not to be rude, Im going to look into that because your article looks like a link exchange than a GA nom.
 * 7) ******And so do many other current GAs. It's not officially a requirement, but there's nothing wrong with doing so.  CC7567  (talk) 00:11, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Nevermind, it's a rule that's still in effect.  CC7567  (talk) 02:43, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ********Discussed in IRC review
 * 10) * After you introduced participants in your intro, seeing usage of their first names in the body instead of their last names. Notably in the prelude.
 * 11) **I'm not seeing that anywhere; all the times after the full name is introduced, last names are being used. If you mean Rex, it's because he doesn't have a last name.  CC7567  (talk) 23:36, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Not Rex, But Anakin and Ahsoka in the prelude. Also you mentioned their Jedi military ranks and linked them (prelude) while you originally stated them in the intro and linked them there.  JangFett  Talk 23:48, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Their first names are being used there because that's the first time their full names are being mentioned in the body. And as for the linking, same as my comment above.  CC7567  (talk) 23:57, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * JangFett  Talk 22:47, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Toprawa:
 * 16) * One minor thing for aesthetic purposes: The first sentences of the introduction and history sections start out identical. I would request you mix one up a little bit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:36, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Got it, thanks for the look. :)  CC7567  (talk) 05:50, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Nice work. I would have gotten it myself, but I didn't want to mess around with sourcing and thought I'd let you decide where you wanted to tweak. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:05, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Gastrula

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:33, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Companion piece to Gastrulans. Short, sweet, and possibly tasty. 398 words.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 17:14, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 20:32, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:47, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --Eyrezer 10:29, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:52, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:28, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Just one: both "shipping" and "caused" are used at least twice each throughout the article; can they be varied?  CC7567  (talk) 15:59, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Done. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 17:00, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Corona-class frigate

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 18:58, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As far away from Gastrulans as possible.

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:57, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) (Somewhat) returning to the GAN page
 * 2) * I know that the article currently isn't against the MOS (with the lack of italics for "Corona"), but is there a chance you can reword some of the "Coronas"? It's sometimes a bit tricky to establish the difference between fanon in this case, because the ship classes aren't always addressed. It's also a bit confusing, because it appears the Corona is an individual ship itself.B If you disagree, that's fine, but it's just something to consider.
 * 3) **I understand what you're saying, but the alternative is to use a lot of "vessel", "ship", and "frigate" to replace it, which I don't think works when we know the actual class name. I've changed a few to remove overuse of the word, however.
 * 4) * "Coronas required a crew of seven hundred and eighty-two to operate, with fifty-six gunners, but could be manned by a skeleton crew of two hundred and eighty-one." Just slightly on the choppy side; could use a little rewording.
 * 5) **Tweaked it a little.
 * 6) * Was the Boldheart a Corona or not? Bit unclear.
 * 7) **I thought the fact that it was in the notable ships section was a clue, no? :P Clarified the situation. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:11, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Good work otherwise, Cav. :)  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to the Vulture's Claw

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:42, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yet another unexpected, minor TCW event that I didn't foresee.

(0 ACs/5 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice work CC :)  JangFett  Talk 11:02, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks great!&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 20:40, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:51, 01 June 09 (UTC)
 * 5) I do believe you are very good at writing. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:29, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Prelude: "as the information stored inside the droid would prove fatal in Confederate hands." Fatal to what?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Why did Nachkt promise R2 to Grievous? Could a reason be specified somewhere in the article?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:38, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For general info/interest, the article is about 989 words according to Microsoft Word, so just below the FA requirement.  CC7567  (talk) 04:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Laudable

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 19:35, 29 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my previous Kite nom.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 01:01, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Just a few minor things that I copyedited. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * "...ordered another sweep of the surrounding area just to be sure" - this is a bit awkward looking. Maybe rephrase into something like "to make sure no signs of enemy activity would be missed"?
 * 3) * Optional: maybe you could mention Nune's species in the intro?
 * 4) *Looks fine to me otherwise.  Mauser  Comlink 07:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Addressed both, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:57, 01 June 09 (UTC)
 * 6) Attack of the Clone
 * 7) * "Cyborg Confederate General Grievous" is rather a lot of context for a character that's not even directly affiliated with the ship; please at least remove "cyborg".
 * 8) *It's not actually certain how the Laudable was destroyed. Yes, A Galaxy Divided implied that the Malevolence destroyed it with its ion cannons, but that wasn't for certain. Also, because of that, you might want to mention the inconsistency between the web comic and the podcast (the one I mentioned as a refnote in the Battle of Phu).
 * 9) **I added the refnote, but I think it is pretty obvious that the Laudable was destroyed by the Malevolence's ion cannons.
 * 10) ***Sorry; I meant to say that it was implied that it was destroyed by the laser cannons. Please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 23:02, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * Please try to vary word choice for both "sweeps" and "enemy activity"; both are used twice rather redundantly.
 * 12) * In the body, there's again a lot of excessive context for Grievous, and this is causing context for the Malevolence itself to be mentioned in the following sentence of its first mention. Please try to reword it so that context for the Malevolence appears in the same sentence as its first mention.
 * 13) *More coming later when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 06:35, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **I addressed you other objections. Thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 19:58, 01 June 09 (UTC)

Comments

Duel on Rhen Var

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 00:13, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Let's see just how good it is.

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:17, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Cloned
 * 2) * "However, he quickly realized that she, like he had once done, was allowing her anger to drive her dangerously close acceptance of the dark side of the Force." Please check this sentence; it's unclear whether the "acceptance of" is the direct object of the verb "to drive"; it's not making much sense.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "the galaxy remained in prolonged a state of recovery": please check; "in prolonged" doesn't seem to be a proper prepositional phrase.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Looking good otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 05:56, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thank you sir. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 20:07, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Might be missing a few sources, I'll add them tonight if so. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 00:13, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Found them all, so far as I know. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 22:47, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Torktarak

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Braha'tok nom

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Context for Etahn A'baht. (If his rank isn't available, just use his species)
 * 3) * Context for Dornean Navy (just a little, since you haven't even introduced the planet yet)
 * 4) * "The Torktarak and the Braha'tok met up with the Alliance fleet orbiting Sullust, which was under the command of the Mon Calamari Admiral Ackbar." This sounds as if the planet of Sullust is under the command of Ackbar. I'd suggest reordering the sentence to clarify.
 * 5) * "and continued to serve in New Republic's, the reorginized Rebel Alliance after Endor, military forces for several more years." This should be reworded to be more grammatically correct and less awkward; maybe reorder this, or just rewrite the sentence. (I considered using dashes, but it still was awkwardly worded, so I think it should probably just be rewritten)
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 01:17, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Addressed all of them dude, thanks of the review. :) Kilson Likes PIE 19:29, 01 June 09 (UTC)

Comments

Tokra Hazz

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 21:13, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One last Hidden One to close out my collection. No more Hidden Ones after this, I promise! ;)

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Promise?  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I promise. (For real this time) :P Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:46, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) We hold you to that, Jedi.  CC7567  (talk) 05:41, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:46, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Hopefully there won't be any more Hidden Ones through the rest of FOTJ series. :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:04, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Hopefully ;). Thank you all for the reviews. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 12:00, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Another wonderful article, keep up the good work. And I like Hidden Once, so if you decide to do another one, just blame me. You can say I did a mind trick or something. :P Kilson Likes PIE (and Hidden Ones) 19:36, 1 June 09 (UTC)
 * 8) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 20:20, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Suggest mentioning it is a mention-only in the BtS. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:46, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Peto Kelsan

 * Nominated by: -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 18:30, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First Legacy nom! Guest nom for WP:LE!

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good work :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:14, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) *At least one more image is definitely needed.
 * 3) **I added one of the fleet's destruction.
 * 4) ***That's better, maybe you can add one more? In the Rise to Admiral sesion there is a large body of text without supporting images.
 * 5) ****Uploaded another, of Kelsan in his command centre.
 * 6) * The main quote: perharps you should go with the one where he orders his men to set the self-destruct mechanizms? That would suit better for the character.
 * 7) **I felt that was better suited for the P&T. Can I wait for a second opinion please?
 * 8) ***In that case I think it'll do.
 * 9) * In the infobox you should probably say that he died above Ralltiir.
 * 10) **Done
 * 11) * First sentence of the intro includes the word "Sith" twice. Needs to be reworded.
 * 12) **Took out "Dark Lord of the Sith" and left it as "Darth Krayt"
 * 13) * Try not to link to redirects. Kajain'sa'Nikto is one example, not sure if there are more.
 * 14) **That's the only one, I just got so excited because I recognised he was a Kajain'sa'Nikto I guess.
 * 15) * "Furske, who reported that some damage had been incurred to Avenger" - I was sure he was refering to the whole fleet, please double-check.
 * 16) **"We took some hits, especially around the engines, but shields are now up and we are returning fire" &mdash; ambiguous but I think he's referring to Avenger.
 * 17) ***Agree, sounds ambiguous. Leave it as it is.
 * 18) * A bit more context on why was Stazi protecting the Imperial escape pods.
 * 19) **"Fenel was defied by Gar Stazi who, refusing to fire on the defenceless crews, positioned his warships to protect the Third Fleet"
 * 20) *Some expansion needed for the BTS.
 * 21) **See what you think.
 * 22) ***You should also add that he was created by John Ostrander.
 * 23) ****Added. Sorry bout that.
 *  Mauser  Comlink 18:52, 31 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the review -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 12:10, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Unclear in the first sentence of the intro whether Fel was ousted by Krayt or the Sith Order in general. (It's right after you mention Krayt, and could refer to either Krayt or the Sith in general)
 * 3) **Hmm I see what you mean. Changed it to "Sith Lord" rather than just "Sith"
 * 4) * What made Ralltiir so important?
 * 5) **Check it out
 * 6) * Context for Steadfast
 * 7) **Well I put "frigate" before it, so it reads "the frigate Steadfast
 * 8) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 22:31, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Cheers dude. -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 23:08, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll expand the BtS when the godly JJM releases production notes. If people want to add more pictures, go ahead! -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 18:30, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately I doubt JJM will provide notes for the comic he didn't write =)  Mauser  Comlink 18:52, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * It is my first Legacy nom, but that's no excuse! :P -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 12:10, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Pui-ui

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 11:23, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another species nom, this one a little unusual

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Lol indeed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:37, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:54, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 07:40, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * The pronunciation, as much as it makes me laugh, needs to be switched over to the Pronounced template and IPA characters.
 * 3) **Done
 * 4) * Are you sure that there are absolutely no quotes available?
 * 5) **None. Nothing in HLL and the rest are all OOU.
 * 6) *Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 20:07, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review. --Eyrezer 23:14, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) The Grand Master
 * 9) *At the beginning of the intro, you say that the "Pui-ui were a small...", but at the beginning of the biology, you say that the "Pui-ui was..." I believe "were" is correct here.
 * 10) *"...the droids were able to diagnose enzyme eruptions in Pui-uies' third hearts, and so administer doses of Iotramine and Clondex, or they could insert Intravenous Access Unit catheters to deal with the condition." This is reads rather awkwardly, and is also grammatically incorrect. I'd suggest taking out superfluous words, so that it's something along the lines of: "...the droids were able to diagnose enzyme eruptions in Pui-uies' third hearts, and administer doses of Iotramine and Clondex, or insert Intravenous Access Unit catheters to deal with the condition..."
 * 11) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 12:22, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Special thanks to Muuurgh for helping with the Guides. --Eyrezer 11:23, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Kallic

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:56, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Temporary Executor commander. 423 words.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) I was expecting something like this with your project and all. :P  CC7567  (talk) 23:38, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) (insert comment here) :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:39, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:43, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Context is missing for Luke, Coruscant, and Vader in the intro. Other than that, good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:09, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **That would be unnecessary. Not everything needs context, only for things the average visitor to our site may not understand. These are broad film topics everyone is familiar with. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:22, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ok, understood. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:43, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments