Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Fohargh


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Fohargh

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 04:59, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: What the hey.

(2 AC/3 users/5 total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 19:14, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:51, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  02:10, 11 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk to me  14:45, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Take it to FA! FA! F-*cough* Excuse me. I just Foharghed in my throat.  IFYLOFD  ( And now, young Skywalker, you will die. ) 02:51, 19 October 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I'd like to see the first sentence in the Bio about his origins cleaned up to avoid using the "little is known" phrasing. Admittedly, that's not what you used, but it's close enough to warrant a change, IMO.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:07, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed. Thank you for looking Chack, if anything else is necessary, please advise. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:24, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 4) * Not really an objection, but is it possible to get an image or two in the article? One of Bane perhaps, and maybe a generic Makurth image?
 * 5) **Added a generic makurth image, but I feel a Bane one is inappropriate, since we have no images of bane from that point in his life. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:49, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Fair enough. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 19:14, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ****I don't know about adding just a generic pic. It just doesn't seem right. Are there any GA/FAs with similar situations? If not, I'd suggest using an image of Bane.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:42, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *****I agree with Chack, but, I am perfectly fine with doing whatever the consensus is. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:46, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ******I also don't think that image of the Makurth is appropriate. Certainly not there. It may work in the Bts as a "this is what Makurth look like" but should not be in the main body of the article. --Eyrezer 19:35, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *******Removed per consensus. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:27, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 12) * Is Moltok actually mentioned as his homeworld in DBPoDaNotOR? I only ask because it's not in Moltok's sources/appearances. If it isn't mentioned, then it should be removed from the infobox and the bit about the Makurth in the bio would need to be sourced (and, thus, the whole article).
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * I find the "First encounter with Bane" section to read like it might in Bane's bio. I know it's probably written from Bane's POV in DBPoDaNotOR, but I'd like to see you try to tell it more from Forhargh's POV.
 * 15) **I did the best I could (added a sentence), considering that the story is told from Bane's POV in such a way that trying to further tell it from Fohargh's POV would be exactly that&mdash;speculation, and POV. In any rate, if this is still unsatisfactory, please advise. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 01:31, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * "So consumed by his dark side filled rage, Bane overpowered his quarry with the Force as he writhed about, and Fohargh clutched at his throat in futile attempts to free himself from Bane's invisible grasp." This reads a tad too flowerly; I'd like it altered a little to read less like a narrative.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) **Interesting character, if somewhat two-dimensional. Good work. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:43, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu
 * 20) * Can forms two, three and five be in roman numerals?
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) ***You missed four instances. Use Control+f. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 23:36, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Addressed now.
 * 24) *****Sorry about the wait. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 04:02, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * The duel began shortly thereafter. Two sentences back, it says then quickly clashed blades in battle. Hasn't it already started?
 * 26) **Addressed.
 * 27) * Bane then overpowered his quarry with the dark side of the Force as he writhed about, and Fohargh clutched at his throat in futile attempts to free himself from Bane's invisible grasp. Reword. It sounds as if Bane, not Fohargh was writhing about. You need to say that Bane used Force choke on him before it makes sense.
 * 28) **Addressed.
 * 29) * There, on the Academy's roof, the student known as Fohargh was ushered into death, having been strangled by Bane. Reword. The student known as Fohargh is not necessary, for a start.
 * 30) **Addressed.
 * 31) * He was able to transition between them suddenly and unexpectedly, which was designed to disrupt the cadence of his opponent. However, for all his skill in with the training saber, Fohargh was still unable to defeat his opponent Bane in their second encounter. Transition should be transit, and in with should be just with. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 23:05, 3 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) **Wrong on both counts. Transition is correct, and with the is also correct.
 * 33) ***Microsoft Word says both are correct. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 23:36, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****"for all his skill in with the training saber" is not correct.
 * 35) *****That's what I originally thought, too, but it checks out with Word. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 00:13, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) *****Damn, I didn't see that. Addressed. Sorry, transition stays. Don't always trust Word. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 01:45, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) ******We have now both been appeased. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 17:16, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) One small thing: ...when he would face Fohargh again in the dueling ring. Could you explain what the dueling ring is or maybe make a link to it?  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk to me  12:22, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) *Addressed. Thanks for the review, Pranay. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:28, 12 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * Why not just send this straight to FAN? --Eyrezer 22:47, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Just cause, I currently have alot going on on the FAN, so I figured I'd send this one and the next through the GAN first. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:24, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Thank you for the read, Soresu. For future reference, all of your objections were minor enough to fall under the "sofixit" rule. Don't be afraid to use it next time;) —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 19:13, 4 October 2008 (UTC)