Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Vandolay

Vandolay

 * Nominated by: Hanzo Hasashi 23:36, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Empire's latex salesman?

Support

 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 20:29, March 24, 2011 (UTC)

Attack of the Clone

 * Is there any way that you can reword the first paragraph of the intro? Much of the bio paragraph, from the description of his detention officer duties to his attaché role, reads almost exactly like it does in the intro. Please try to vary up the wording.
 * Attempted to do this.
 * In both the intro and the bio, the jump from Vandolay serving aboard the Executor to being present aboard the Avenger is rather sudden and is left unelaborated. Could you elaborate further about both parts to clarify the transfer somehow?
 * It is never made clear in the movies or the CCG why Vandolay was suddenly aboard the Avenger either. I attempted to somehow elaborate his being on the Avenger in the intro though.
 * The bio would still benefit from some clarification&mdash;you can simply say that prior to the Battle of Hoth aftermath part, "Vandolay was eventually transferred to Captain Lorth Needa's Super Star Destroyer Avenger " without stating a reason for it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:02, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
 * It is never stated whether he was transferred or not. For what it's worth, his bio on Yodapedia says that was probably a temporary task he was given on the Avenger, but I think there's really no proof one way or the other.
 * Stating that he was "transferred" or "moved" will not be promoting fanon or unverified info; it does not necessarily mean that he was officially reassigned to the Avenger. However, the fact remains that at one point, he's on the Executor, and another moment, he's on the Avenger&mdash;if that's not a "move" of some sort, I'm not sure what it would be called. It still needs to be made clear that he did in fact move to the Avenger, regardless of whether the reasons behind it are known or not. If you have any other wording suggestions, I'm happy to hear them, but please try to fix this&mdash;the article can still be clearer here.  CC7567  (talk) 20:04, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
 * Ok. Hanzo Hasashi 20:21, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
 * I got it. Hanzo Hasashi 20:28, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
 * Regarding the Avenger pursuit of the Millennium Falcon: yes, it does seem like it's getting excessively play-by-play. Here's what I recommend: instead of mentioning the fact that Vandolay ducked (that's the part that sticks out as an unnecessary detail), maybe simply state that the Millennium Falcon maneuvered around the Avenger and landed on its blind spot, disappearing from the sensors&mdash;instead of detailing it as you do now. The level of detail should be capped off somewhere&mdash;we don't need to detail every action, thought, and movement that we see.
 * Got rid of that detail, is it good now?
 * In regards to the last sentence of the bio: firstly, it's a run-on, but I'm also unsure of the situation regarding the script and the communications officer. Are you trying to imply that the communications officer is Vandolay, and that he just wasn't specifically identified as such? If you are, please note that it's rather unclear; I would suggest rewording it somehow to make the connection clearer. Also, can we assume that he was the officer? I'm not entirely familiar with the film, so I can't judge if it's plausible.  CC7567  (talk) 10:19, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
 * No, it is a completely separate character. In fact, you know what, maybe it's just better without that part even being mentioned, as it's unnecessary detail not related to Vandolay. Hanzo Hasashi 15:37, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
 * Are there any quotes that you can add? They don't have to be of Vandolay or of anyone speaking directly to Vandolay, but perhaps one of Needa's lines will work&mdash;i.e. "Needa said this" to Vandolay and the rest of the Avenger bridge crew.  CC7567  (talk) 19:02, March 24, 2011 (UTC)
 * Done that, what do you think? Hanzo Hasashi 19:55, March 24, 2011 (UTC)

Moffship

 * If Vandolay is the ISB attaché aboard the Executor, wouldn't it be more logical to assume that the "Executor Vandolay" is the "real" Vandolay, and the "Avenger Vandolay" is a different person? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:08, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
 * You mean the character from the reused footage shown on the Executor at the end of Empire? The CCG card is a manipulated image of "Avenger Vandolay" and not of "Executor Vandolay." Hanzo Hasashi 03:40, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

 * Did I go into excessive play-by-play detail not relevant to Vandolay during the Avenger pursuit of the Millennium Falcon scene? It was the only way I could think of writing it. Please comment if you believe it should be changed. Also in the line "as he (Needa) requested a communications officer to prepare his TIE/sh shuttle to take him to the Super Star Destroyer so he would personally apologize to Lord Vader" the character who is highlighted is called a communications officer in the script. Is that script alone proof he was one? If not, I will change it. Hanzo Hasashi 23:36, March 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * Also this is a guest nom for WookieeProject Ambition. Hanzo Hasashi 23:47, March 21, 2011 (UTC)