Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 5) Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.

Corran Horn

 * Nominated by: Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it.

(2 Inq/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 20:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Great.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:05, 19 June 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Imperialles's objections:
 * 2) * Image:BattleofThyferra-crop.jpg's infobox lacks some fields.
 * 3) *I'll put Image:ScreenShot0153.JPG on my to-do list (not an objection).
 * Image:Corran Horn 4.jpg is sort of distorted. Possible to remedy at all?
 * 1) **Replaced with Image:Njo Corran.png. -- Ozzel 06:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nice work. --Imperialles 15:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 1 of 4)
 * First off, a comment. This is certainly one of the largest undertakings I have ever done on the Wook - reading this article, I mean. In fact, in order to even think of such a thing, I had to go off and print the content of the article (barring pictures and templates). At 8pt font, 0.12" margins (save for a 2" margin on the right), and with images and templates culled, I was able to squeeze the entire article into a convenient 40-page document, suitable for printing. Without modifications, the entire article is 111 pages long. 111. I must say that I am entirely impressed. And, all that to say... Inqs who are looking at this article and saying "Damn", I suggest that you do what I did, and print out the article, be it in small chunks or as a whole thing. In paper form, it's a whole lot easier to concentrate and make notations than on a computer screen. In fact, it only took me about an hour to read through 10 pages of my 40-page doc.
 * TL;DR version: Print out the damn article and review it already, Inqs. It's not that hard to read. :P
 * Secondly, another comment. I realize that, as I'm not an Inq, my vote really has no weight in this matter. That being said, I really wanted to review this article. Not because I'm looking for a way to push into the Inq-ing status, not because I feel like messing with Havac, but because I know (from personal experience) that an FAN that has nothing happening to it is worse to have running than an FAN with objections and the like, showing that it's not catatonic. Nothing is worse than having a stale FAN sitting for weeks on end without people even making an effort. Hence, my objection list is as follows (note that this is part 1 of 4. Article's long!):
 * 1) *INTRO
 * 2) ** Second paragraph, latter part. Make sure that you make the point that, after the Bacta Wars, Rogue Squadron reformed. As it stands now, you have "led Rogue Squadron in resigning", followed by "continued his career in Rogue Squadron"... without any mention of Rogue Squadron actually reforming.
 * 3) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 4) **Formative years
 * 5) *** Second paragraph, last sentence: Where does it come from? It doesn't seem to fit within the paragraph it's attached to.
 * 6) **Capturing Zekka Thyne
 * 7) *** I've noticed this throughout all of the scenes where Corran and Hal are working together: You use a lot of "Horn" where either Corran or Hal could be placed. For example, look at paragraph 3, first sentence: "Horn headed to the freighter, the Hopskip, with the others..." The reader isn't entirely sure which Horn you're talking about, until later in the paragraph. As I said before, this seems to be pretty prevalent throughout the father/son scenes. Is it possible to persuade you to use first names for clarification's sake?
 * 8) ****Alright, the explanation works. Stricken.
 * 9) **Living with loss
 * 10) *** Second "paragraph" (yeah, the one with two sentences) - any chance you can expand this, or group it together with a relevant thought? As it stands, it's pretty much just floating there.
 * 11) *** More instances of "Corran/Hal Horn" - which one is it, etc.
 * 12) *** Third paragraph, 4th sentence (ref'd [8]): "Morose and constantly reliving the past, Horn was only brought back to the present when Wessiri and Bastra got him into a cantina brawl, helping him focus himself on living his life now." - The now at the end of this sentence just feels too... present-tense. Perhaps a change to "in the present", or something similar?
 * 13) **Becoming a Rogue
 * 14) *** Rephrase first paragraph, last sentence. The use of the semicolon there just doesn't feel right. My suggestion is to remove the semicolon, and put a small phrase, "due to his thoughts on", or something to that extent.
 * 15) **Activation
 * 16) *** 4th paragraph, 4th sentence; the "shred" here feels informal. Can I get a more formal description of the Lancer's abilities?
 * 17) **Readying to strike
 * 18) *** Paragraph 4, Last Sentence: Has "Black Sunners" ever been used IU? If not, I'd prefer a "Black Sun members", or something to that extent.
 * 19) ****Intriguing.
 * 20) *Aaaaand... that's it! (Part 1). I went through and touched some things up myself. Very good read, very long read, but very well done. I'm impressed, jealous, angry, frustrated, proud, and happy, all at once, after reading through this article. Once again, excellent job Havac. 07:25, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks to his notes on my talk page, all of Part 1 is resolved. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the Red Book of Chack Jadson:
 * 23) *Right now, I'm only on Becoming a Rogue, but I'll get more done soon. Anyway, here's what I've got at this point.
 * 24) * Link the battles in the intro; there are several that could have links.
 * 25) * The prose in the first paragraph of drifting into danger is kind of dull.
 * 26) * You use the term cover identities twice in the first sentence of on the run.
 * 27) * The first two sentences of the last paragraph of on the run are also somewhat dull.
 * 28) *Ramble on.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:57, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * In Captivity: "The guard struck Horn with his blaster, and Horn retaliated by reflexively throwing his bucket of gravel into the guard." (Use Ctl+F) The bucket part isn’t needed, IMO.
 * 30) * In the last sentence of this section, you mention there Dlarit escaped. I’d add something along the lines of, now revealed as a traitor.
 * 31) * "Almost all the rest of Rogue Squadron followed suit." Who didn’t? I thought they all did, but I’m likely wrong.
 * 32) * "In 19 ABY, Horn, by then promoted to the rank of commander, and the rest of the Rogues were attached to General Bel Iblis, and were on Morishim when an Imperial corvette, followed by an Imperial Star Destroyer, entered the system." This sentence should be split into two.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:43, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 2 of 4)
 * Yes, me again. Don't worry, not as long a listing as the last one, I promise. Just an aside to Havac: When/if you have addressed objections, or if you need to ask a question on one of them, please use my talk page. I pay more attention there (and I realize you're stuck in the IP mode again).
 * Onto the objections!
 * 1) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 2) **The Bacta War
 * 3) *** Last paragraph, 5th sentence: Reads really awkwardly, almost to the point of run-on.
 * 4) ****Nice job.
 * 5) **Battling Zsinj
 * 6) *** Third paragraph, last sentence: Whose archenemy, Corran's or Zsinj's? From information presented earlier in the article, this feels ambiguous.
 * 7) ****Explanation makes sense. Just glad you elaborated on the reasons.
 * 8) *** Ninth paragraph, 3rd sentence: You just "drop" a mention to Fel in here, without a link or any previous explanation of just who Fel is.
 * 9) ****Cool.
 * 10) **The return of Isard
 * 11) *** Minor note, not an objection: I reworded the end of the 6th paragraph and the start of the 7th to read slightly better (in my opinion). Feel free to change it back if you don't agree.
 * 12) ****Ugh, that's... bad. Thanks for the revert.
 * 13) **Becoming a Jedi
 * 14) ***First sentence, 4th sentence, end of sentence: It may just be me, but the line "...Tavira was travelling with enforcers who might be Force-sensitives." feels almost-present-tense. Please reword.
 * 15) ****Obviously, just me, based on the information you presented.
 * 16) *And part 2 is done. Much less than last time. I went ahead and touched up some things in Corran's article too. 04:52, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **All objections from Review, Part 2 are satisfied, although I am slightly confused as to the reversion of many of my other edits as well. Just wondering. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) Not an actual review:
 * 19) * "''Horn served as a Jedi instructor, training his two children, Valin and Jysella, before the Yuuzhan Vong War broke out. Horn served a vital role in it, defeating Shedao Shai&hellip;" This, particularly the "it," seems a bit off to me.
 * 20) * No mention is made that Horn helped hunt down Jedi during his time with CorSec, which is clearly stated in Horn's Fact File.
 * 21) **I will probably review at least some of this article at some point. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Technically, now you haven't voted for it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:26, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Wow Havoc... and I thought it had gotten pretty long back when I was working on this... you blew that away, AND more or less re-did the entire article AND re-wrote it a lot better than my version. Anyways, while I'm probably not gonna be able to do much for at least a month until school gets out, just a couple quick things I noticed:
 * 1) Some of the section titles strike me as a bit unencyclopedic. For instance, "Supply run gone wrong" might want to be replaced by something like "Battle of Yag'Dhul" or "Return to Yag-prime," and "Drifting into danger" might want to be replaced with something like "Leaving CorSec." There are also some border-line section titles (Rogue rookie, Reign of terror)
 * 2) It could use some more pictures, especially in the the parts on Rogue Squadron and I, Jedi. That being said, having worked to this article before, I know there aren't a lot of pictures from that time of his life, so if you can't add any without making it seem really forced, that's fine.
 * 3) The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.

Other than that, great Job!!!

Tamizander Rey

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,251 words. Definitely didn't imagine this thing would ever see the FAN page.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Part of a great series on ESB and ROTJ tertiary characters.  Graestan ( Talk ) 20:19, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:09, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Ozzel 06:35, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Darth Newdar 07:12, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 12:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * "After joining the Rebellion, he served at the secret Echo Base on the Outer Rim Territories ice planet Hoth by 3 ABY as the facility's senior deck officer, responsible for overseeing all docking bay operations." - I'm not sure if there's some punctuation missing here, but the sentence feels like a bit of a run-on. "When Rey attempted to direct Solo to the command center, the smuggler was more interested in the condition of his freighter, the Millennium Falcon, upset to discover, as he learned from Rey, that base technicians were pulled away from working on the ship to address the more dire needs of the snowspeeders." - Same thing here. It's too long, too hard to follow. I may be a simpleton, but there's gotta be other ones out there. Thefourdotelipsis 07:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Not to cite the "Big Book of Everything That I Just Lost", but I vaguely recall Solo not wanting anyone working on his ship . . . I'll see if I can find that reference; if I can't, I'll strike this.
 * 3) *Search for Skywalker . . . has some very short paragraphs. Could those be combined at all?
 * 4) *"As Echo Base's senior deck officer, he suggested to the base's command staff that no ship be allowed to leave Hoth until the shield generator was activated despite the resulting flak he received from non-partisan pilots delivering supplies." This is not only the third time this phrase is used, but I'm not catching the incredible relevance to his P&T, unless you're trying to say that he did what he needed to do no matter what anyone thought and are leaving the reader to infer that.
 * 5) *These aren't the most concrete of objections; the article is fairly clean mostly because there's not much there. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:29, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **I appreciate both reviews and apologize for the delay in addressing them. Once I have some spare time, I'll get to them. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:36, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) The phrase "which earned Rey the ire of many non-Rebel pilots" appears two times. Could you perhaps reword one of them? -- Ozzel 06:35, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Yeah, I totally didn't read Ataru's first... although that third one didn't bother me as much since it was at least worded differently. -- Ozzel 06:40, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Crappy picture, I'm well aware. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * De-crapified now&hellip;well, somewhat :) I rescanned the picture from the original playing card, managing to get his whole head in it, unlike the previous copy. Likewise, I was able to clean it up a bit and mostly get rid of the distortion which is noticeable on the picture when you blow it up from the original tiny size. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks, Grey. Hopefully it passes inspection. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:54, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * A screenshot from the film of Rey and Solo arguing would be good, I think. I'll try and get one, but chances are it'll have to be replaced by Culator. Thefourdotelipsis 07:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll second that suggestion. -- Ozzel 06:37, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Sure, that would be a great idea. If you can grab it, thanks. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:07, 22 June 2008 (UTC)

Cay Qel-Droma

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk)
 * Nomination comments: My first WP:TOTJ article.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done Mr. Jadson. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:11, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:41, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 09:28, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:14, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Minor:For the Great Sith War section, I'd add another image, so as to balance them out. I would've said just to move the next image (Ulicqeldromaversuscay.JPG) to the left, but that will displace the section header. If you need a good one to add, you know where to get'em!;) I'd use this one (Cayqel-dromaHS.jpg), since it actually is the image that corresponds with the section quote. Up to you though.
 * 3) **Funnily enough, I thought about adding another image there but decided against it. Anyway, added one.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Also, I would change the image (Image:Cay qel droma.jpg) for the "First mission" section, only because it depicts Cay with his prosthesis, which he didn't have yet at that point in the story.
 * 5) **Wow, I thought about that too, but decided not to change it. Replaced that image now though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:39, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *** I'll find you a good one, one that depicts him pre-prosthesis ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:17, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * The "Born" field in the infobox is not sourced...I'd do it, if I knew. Also, just as a suggestion, you might want to merge some paragraphs, as the small, two or three sentence ones don't particularly look neat in the context of the greater article. Thefourdotelipsis 11:12, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Fixed, on both counts.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:49, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Grass clippings:
 * 10) * Not so sure how I feel about calling the Qel-Dromas a "warrior family." Is this phrase established anywhere in canon?
 * 11) **No. Changed.
 * 12) * A little more context for the Naddist Uprising in the intro is needed.
 * 13) **Got it.
 * 14) * The Great Sith War portion of the intro needs a bit of expansion, summarizing the events in a little more detail than is there, Kun needs some context, as does Cay's showdown with Ulic. Pretty much anything Cay took part in should be mentioned, at least.
 * 15) **I added what's there; he really doesn't do much in the GSW.
 * 16) * Third paragraph of "First mission" is very play-by-play. I suggest rewording, toning it down a bit.
 * 17) **How is it now?
 * 18) ***Much better. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Oron Kira was not the Beast Riders' chief at the time of his wedding.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) * Calling Nadd "powerful" is POV.
 * 22) **But he was... Fixed.
 * 23) ***Doesn't matter. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Ulic and Galia were forced to flee, however, Arca was now a captive of Ommin and the Sith spirit Nadd." – This reads a bit awkwardly, and could use a rewording.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Led by Nomi Sunrider, and her Battle Meditation," – This should be restructured a bit, so that the battle meditation is not part of the subject.
 * 27) **Changed.
 * 28) * Reword this less awkwardly: "Ulic was wounded by a piece of slag from a Chaos fighter, a piece covered in Sith magic from the duo's malicious abilities."
 * 29) **Altered.
 * 30) * I think the Conclave was about a bit more than the loss at one battle.
 * 31) **Added details about its purpose.
 * 32) * This in particular is a bit unwieldy: "A pain was carried in the Force, striking all Jedi."
 * 33) **Changed.
 * 34) * Also, please explain a bit better why Exar Kun let out the Force cry. It sounds like a malicious act as is.
 * 35) **Added some clarification.
 * 36) * The servant droids weren't Krath droids, but reprogrammed normal ones.
 * 37) **But they were modified by the Krath to kill Jedi, so I think calling them modified battle droids is okay.
 * 38) ***They weren't physically modified at all, per sources. Only the programming, hence only Cay noticed the difference. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Fixed.
 * 40) * Rather than an after-the-fact aside, mention Cay's suspicions about the droids when it happens.
 * 41) **Cay. (Sorry, had to make that pun).
 * 42) * Calling Arca's death "a grievous blow" is POVish.
 * 43) **Fixed.
 * 44) * Please establish Ulic and Nomi as lovers before offhand references to them as such.
 * 45) **did so.
 * 46) * I'm not too thrilled with this statement: "He was no longer the brother Cay loved."
 * 47) **Better?
 * 48) * Some of Ulic's prideful proclamations at his trial should be mentioned.
 * 49) **Fixed.
 * 50) *The details of the Battle of Kemplex IX are a bit hazy. Referring to the ship ripping the stellar core out, for instance. Please revisit this paragraph.
 * 51) **Sorry if I'm being thick, but could you explain how it's hazy?
 * 52) ***I'd just explain it in a bit more concise detail, clarifying who did what and so forth. Also, there is a typo in there for you to get while you have the section open. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Not sure of the exact meaning of "one of the galaxy's most prolific Jedi Knights," but I am sure it's POV.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) *A bit more detail about his mechanical aptitude in both the P&T and P&A would be nice. For instance, his insistence on tinkering instead of listening to Arca's lectures, etc. Please go over the source material once more.
 * 56) **Added some.
 * 57) ***"Cay also loved working with machines" is the tip of the iceberg. There's plenty to be said about Cay; this is the key factor in the character's personality. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) *BtS needs a lot of retooling. Inaccurate statements. Also, something from Greyman's Veitch and Anderson interviews could surely be used.
 * 59) **What is inaccurate? I'll go over the interviews again too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:42, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) ***Honestly, you really should go into detail about his appearances, and how he appeared in each. This is an extremely bare-bones BtS so far; there has to be more to find. For instance, that Ulic and not Cay was introduced in DE, and that Cay was added on only later. Search for Veitch stuff, as it's likely he has something to say about the series or the character somewhere. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ****Believe it or not, I found nothing relevant to add. Added a bit about his role and that he was not created in DE.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:12, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *****Seriously? Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Graestan ( Talk ) 18:33, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Indeed, Mr. Jadson, this article has come a long way! It's been polished nicely from the nonsense that it was before you stepped on the scene. I'm glad to be working on this project with you ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 16:19, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The reason everyone is referred to by first name is that that's how it's done in the comic.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Thanks for the reviews guys.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:09, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Wraith Squadron

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also working on redlinks, me.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Ah, I see. Pesky periods popped. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From Greyman:
 * 7) * In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters&hellip;". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
 * 8) **Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
 * 11) **I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Looks much better. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Ref punctuation errors galore! Refs with no spaces after them before the next sentence, refs before commas, and, worst of all, multiple instances of refs with commas on both sides. (Ew!) As one might say: "A rather sloppy nom... Did you forget to copyedit?" ;-) -- Ozzel 10:00, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *I'll take a look-and it has nothing to do with the copyediting I gave it. Links and ref syntax I generally let AWB deal with, since that's what it's for, so I didn't even look at those. TBH, I could really care less as long as the refs aren't broken. When I'm reading 250 KB of article, ref punctuation is never a high priority.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Took a stab at it and cleaned some things up. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:37, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Bah. Your priorities break my little Grammar Nazi heart. :-p Anyway, looks much better now. Good work. -- Ozzel 03:08, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ****I'll send you a bandage and a little stuffed Ewok to cheer you up. :-P Thanks for the catch, though-the double commas around the refs looked particularly awful and I picked up on a few other things. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:49, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Would it be possible to get a roster of who was Wraith X at what time? For instance, initial roster, Iron Fist roster, whenever there's a major change. Right now if you want to know who Wraith Two or Wraith Eight or Wraith Ten was, you can't find that information in the article. Yrfeloran 05:43, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *I'll see what I can do . . . I'll need to work on it so it doesn't become a horrible list. Maybe something in the Members sections&mdash;that's what I did for Rakehell Squadron, but the Wraiths shift callsigns numerous times. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:50, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **A list has been added near the bottom of the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:00, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Information's there, so I'm happy. If people object to the format of that being ugly, I'm equally happy with callsign information being in pilot bios. Yrfeloran 20:09, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *** Detiled non-biased and I learnt quite a lot on it. I think it's quite detailed and deserves to be a featured article. Devan2 19:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Some preliminaries from Grae:
 * 25) *The intro is quite insufficient, for the level of detail in the article. I suggest quite a bit more on the actions of the Wraiths against Zsinj in the intro, unless you'd like to omit and summarize more of the information in the article, which would also be acceptable.
 * 26) **The intro has been lengthened. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *Linking&hellip;needs some help. Could AWB be run over it?
 * 28) **We have top men on it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Not too keen on the quote in the prose in the first section.
 * 30) **It has been removed and the content reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *Consistency with S and apostrophe would be very nice. We even have a CT about it currently.
 * 32) **Can you give me some specifics on words to look for? I know I'll go back through all the Antilles's, but are there others I should hunt down?
 * 33) *Some consistency between Night Caller and the Night Caller, and similar instances with ship names, would be helpful.
 * 34) **Hmm. Thought I got all of those-it should just be Night Caller-but per comments below, I went with how Allston described the ships. If he said "the Narra", that's what I used. Now, I am referring to the Night Caller charade as something entirely different, where (the) and (Night Caller) are serving as adjectives for charade, so that might be what you are referring to. Let me know. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *After spending some time in this article, I can say with some confidence that I believe a good deal of the history section is too detailed. I really believe that a lot of that information belongs in the articles for the individual battles and missions, or, in the case of things like the pranks, in the articles for the characters themselves. Some of these sections are almost FA-length in themselves, and I just don't think it's appropriate for an article that's supposed to be about the squadron and not the missions.
 * 36) *I believe the Sources section is somewhat lacking. I remember, for instance, reading in at least one Essential Guide about the Wraiths and their activities. And there simply has to be more.
 * 37) **3 Essential Guides have been added to the list; there wasn't any new info and a check of NEGAS showed that while Voort saBinring was mentioned, Wraith Squadron wasn't. Good catch. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
 * The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
 * Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
 * The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
 * The images are, AFAIK, all that are available besides individual member portraits, which I didn't feel like including since everyone has a picture at the bottom. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
 * No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
 * It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Czulkang Lah

 * Nominated by: Harrar 15:22, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Enemy Lines is the best of the NJO books.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:35, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 15:58, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * I'm pretty sure Czulkang Lah was never stated to be in charge of the invasion of the Galaxy. (intro)
 * 3) **That was a cheeky inference due to his rank as warmaster. I am ashamed, and it is gone Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Might want to mention the Starlancer Project in the intro, because that's the reason Tsavong Lah demands a hasty assault.
 * 5) **See what you think
 * 6) * Checked Enemy Lines II and found that "the" is not typically used in front of Lusankya. Please revise as necessary. Same with Mon Mothma.
 * 7) **Feels weird, but it's gone.
 * 8) ***I agree, but meh, it's policy.
 * 9) * Might want to link to the Goddess missile.
 * 10) **It is done (pipelink at the end of "Final engagement")
 * 11) * It might be worth it to note that Lah was compared to Garm bel Iblis, whom the Vong saw as the New Rep's pre-eminent tactician.
 * 12) **Put it in the P&T, it works quite nicely there.
 * 13) *Glad to see you're back and giving Czulkang Lah a new look. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:32, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks, it's good to be back! I'll try my hand at Tsavong eventually...cheers for the review Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Regarding Czulkang Lah's pits - it should be mentioned that those warriors who received a large number of pits were considered to be idiots rather than honorable warriors.
 * 3) **Done! Have a look and see whatcha think.
 * 4) * Do we know the exact relationship between Czulkang and Maal Lah other than belonging to the same domain? His article describes him as a creche-brother to Tsavong.
 * 5) **All we know is that Maal Lah bore several scars from being taught by Czulkang. He is Tsavong's creche brother, but in the NJO it's never made crystal clear how relations work in the domains. And unless it's a fact, I am dubious. I will, however, re-read Ylesia, in which Maal Lah is the principal Yuuzhan Vong character, and have a final check. I'll FA him soon enough anyway.
 * 6) ***Yes, the concept of Yuuzhan Vong family was, as I remember, vague at best. I've not read the NJO books in a while, so I was just checking.
 * 7) * The success of his son was such that following the seizure of Coruscant, Czulkang Lah incorporated the strategies his son had utilized in taking the world into his military classes. Consider replacing one of the uses of the word "son" to avoid repetition.
 * 8) **I replaced the first one.
 * 9) * Believing Borleias to be of great significance to the New Republic, as demonstrated by the swift destruction of Cha's fleet and the discovery of plans for an unknown weapon on the moon of Pyria VI, Tsavong Lah, who was needed in other theaters and suffering the treachery of his attendants, had decided to approach his father, offering Czulkang command of the campaign to secure Borleias from Antilles and his garrison. This sentence is very long and doesn't flow. Consider breaking it up.
 * 10) **Got a bit carried away&mdash;it's been broken.
 * 11) * Disinformation leaked to Elgrin, the Yuuzhan Vong spy, had been communicated back to the warmaster, which suggested that the Starlancer Project was a superweapon of massive power, a grave threat to all Yuuzhan Vong Koros-strohna, of which there were few remaining. Consider revising this sentence or breaking it up to flow better.
 * 12) **Again, I broke it up into two.
 * 13) * Mention of the disinformation regarding the Lambent crystal should be mentioned in the article before the mission to destroy it is revealed.
 * 14) **Added
 * 15) *- Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 20:32, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Thanks for the review. Harrar 16:47, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***No problems - Czulkang was always one of my favorite Yuuzhan Vong characters from the NJO. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:13, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) Toprawa:
 * 19) * I apologize beforehand for what may very well be a series of objections as I read through this thing in stages, but it's rather long. :P
 * 20) *For starters, I'd like to see some more images in here throughout. Be creative. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:20, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *This sentence is very unclear to me. I don't know what this is saying, nor the significance of these actions. A little clarifying and contextualizing, please: "Meanwhile, the untouched Starlancer vehicles intersected a series of laser beams before firing off a column of energy into distant space toward Coruscant"
 * 22) *I'm assuming this is meant to read that the beam appeared to do this according to Tsavong's perspective? If so, please tweak it a little bit to specify this: "The Starlancer Project's laser beam appeared to have reached Coruscant from the Pyria system"
 * 23) *Unless you can say this appeared to someone to be so, please avoid the weaselly "apparently" wording and just say what you know, either it did or did not overwhelm him: "appeared to overwhelm Antilles' defense"
 * 24) *Same "appears" deal. It either was or wasn't: "Although Lusankya appeared to have been crippled over the course of the long campaign" Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:17, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *It's not necessary to put "pipefighter" in parentheses upon every mention. Please remove all instances except the initial mention
 * 26) **Excellent job, Harrar. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:21, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Maybe not when my browser is so mind-numbingly slow...Harrar 15:22, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you're using Internet Explorer, get rid of it. Use Firefox. Unless of course you're referring to your internet connection itself. —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I think it's Internet Explorer that's the problem, yeah - it was taking about half a minute to type yesterday. Thanks for the advice. Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm away until next Friday but I'll immediately address objections on my return. Thanks Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Bevel Lemelisk

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:04, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Paunchy Spiky-Haired Super Designer Maniac Racial Stereotypes Are Go!

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) I love having 4dot on WP:NEGTC. :-)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:59, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:16, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 21:21, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:23, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:00, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Does Galaxy Guide actually call him an architect? He seems to be more of a designer or engineer, so the label seems a bit inaccurate imho. Maybe I'm being too literal.
 * 3) **It does indeed.
 * 4) * "During a lapse worker "enthusiasm," Vader payed Tarkin and Lemelisk a visit." Several problems with this sentence. It doesn't seem to make much sense, and I believe the verb is "paid", unless I'm horribly wrong.
 * 5) **Gah. Yes it is. I've rejigged the sentence as well.
 * 6) * Should there be a link to Transfer essence in there?
 * 7) **Didn't even know that existed. It's in there now.
 * 8) *Other than those minor details, article looks good. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 00:27, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) Toprawa:
 * 11) * I would think it would be appropriate to specify his first "natural" death, as well as his final clone death in the infobox
 * 12) **This becomes messy, since then there's a sort of onus to list rebirths and redeaths...and it becomes especially bad in Lemelisk's case, as I'm sure you understand. A whole lotta 3 ABYs there. ;)
 * 13) ***That's fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:15, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Ending both clauses in the same word isn't reading well: "Palpatine died his first death there, effectively allowing Lemelisk to avoid yet another death"
 * 15) **Ugh, that is bad. Changed the second one to "execution"
 * 16) * Can we link some article to dark alchemy? "by Palpatine's dark alchemy"
 * 17) **Yarp, done. Got Sith Alchemy.
 * 18) * I'd rather see this reworded. After reading this entry in GG5 myself, this is almost verbatim: "Palpatine believed him, but so did Mon Mothma, leader of the Alliance, who launched an attack on the station while it was being built over Endor."
 * 19) **Rejiggered.
 * 20) * Much of the paragraph beginning "Madine immediately recognized Sulamar" isn't so relevant to Lemelisk itself, and could definitely be condensed to the barest minimum of details relating only to Lemelisk
 * 21) **I've made it a little more relevant to him, and I think it's important to establish just how people get to where they are for the key part of the scene. It all becomes a bit confusing, I find, if I cull massive portions of that.
 * 22) ***Yeah, I see what you mean. I would still try and condense a little bit, but you're fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:15, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * I'm not sure what this is saying exactly. Can we clarify this at all? "He was not a perfectionist, however, and could not afford to be due to his connections to high-ranking Imperial officials."
 * 24) **I've tried to explain that a bit.
 * 25) ***It seems not so much that he "couldn't afford to be" as he "didn't need to be." Would that rewording work? Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:15, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Yes, I've used that. The original had the wording all ass-about, but I've used "did not need to be" instead. Much clearer. Thefourdotelipsis 11:29, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * This explanation of him forgetting initially bothered me a little bit when I read it first, and now after reading the BTS, I have some concern about this. If this explanation, "At some stage, Lemelisk forgot that the station had failed, and began preparing himself for a commendation from Palpatine. As he stood before the Emperor, a cage dropped around him, while Palpatine reminded him that the Death Star had in fact failed," is based upon this BTS speculative assumption, "However, Darksaber also shows Lemelisk as a forgetful man, possibly explaining the discrepancy," it should probably be reworded a little bit. Just say what you know for sure and leave the possibilities as a ref note.
 * 28) **Yah, tweaked. I did that just to ease the flow, and thought that it didn't quite fall into OR, but...yeah, better to be safe than fanony.
 * 29) * I don't feel the ref note accompanying the Rebellion image is really needed. The images in that game are meant to have been taken circa 0 BBY or even earlier, before any of his clones would even have been created. That could probably serve as a good explanation by itself.
 * 30) **Yah, got rid of that.
 * 31) * Also, I kind of suspect he may have some kind of mention in the Movie Trilogy Sourcebook and/or Trilogy Sourcebook - Special Edition. Please check and add if so. Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:36, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) **Well, since the Movie Trilogy Sourcebook is just a collection of the GGs, I'd say so. MTS is listed now. Thefourdotelipsis 10:29, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***I wasn't sure, since it appears that some things in GG1, 3, and 5 didn't all make it into the compilation. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:15, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10! Thefourdotelipsis 14:04, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Beryl Chiffonage

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:05, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:46, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:22, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) (Thunderer 02:20, 11 June 2008 (UTC))
 * 5) Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 21:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Though I hate the infobox image. Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:19, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) "Beryl?" Thefourdotelipsis 12:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Stuff:
 * 2) * I'd like to see maybe two of the first three sections merged; they all seem a bit short.
 * 3) **Merged the second and third.
 * 4) * The development of Rogue Doctrine (or at least the parts relevant to Credal) should come before Credal's disapearance in the bio, in order to avoid confusion.
 * 5) **Reordered.
 * 6) * Since pretty much anything can from Alliance Intelligence Reports can be used as quotes, a few quotes in the bio/P&T would be greatly appreciated.
 * 7) **Added quote to the P&T. If you have any other quote suggestions you'd like to see, please let me know. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:55, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Lastly, perhaps an image of an AT-AT being downed for the "Battle of Hoth" section?
 * 9) **You read my mind. I wanted to show the exact same thing. I'll see what I can do. If anyone wants to grab an image, cool. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:24, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Nice work. Bland character. :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:47, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 12) *"Instead, Skywalker ordered the Rogues to use their harpoons and tow cables to trip the walkers' legs in a last ditch effort to stop their advance." Wait, wait-you stated earlier that Attack Pattern Delta was planned to include harpoons and tow cables. How is that last ditch then, if that tactic had been devised in advance with Imperial walkers in mind. Clear this up, please.
 * 13) *There's nothing in the Movie Trilogy Sourcebook? Or is it just a brief mention?
 * 14) **The Movie Trilogy Sourcebook is merely a compilation of the three movie-based Galaxy Guides. In this case, #3. Thefourdotelipsis 01:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * There is only one available image for this guy, from Who's Who in Echo Base in Insider 74. If anyone can grab that image for this article, that would be great. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. (Although it ain't exactly pretty.) -- Ozzel 07:15, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * It'd probably be good to also find him in the film itself, and put a screencap of that in there, to serve as confirmation as well as illustration. Thefourdotelipsis 08:08, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The only real image of him is a tiny appearance over Rieekan's shoulder, which is where this infobox pic comes from, zoomed in on him. I don't know how well it would work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:21, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't think it would hurt, as long as the caption pointed him out. Thefourdotelipsis 04:32, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I don't have a problem with putting anything in there, but I can't grab anything. There's an even better picture of that same screen shot, pulled back a little bit, in the Complete Visual Dictionary. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:17, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, I got three images here, and they all look like they could be Chiffonage...to me, that is. Also, the third one...kinda doesn't look like him, but it does in other parts of that shot. Image:BerylMaybe.JPG, Image:BerylMaybe2.JPG, Image:BerylMaybe3.JPG. Thefourdotelipsis 12:18, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Gantoris

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, at long last I have written another thing I feel worthy of FAN. My thanks to 4dot, Tommy and Jaymach for the sourcing.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) I think I was the one that did it, but that infobox image really needs work. There is also a quote in the body of the text that should be removed or moved to a header. Also you need to source the infobox. --Eyrezer 03:09, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Quote altered. I knew I'd forgotten something but just couldn't see it for some reason, and the infobox sourcing was it. Thanks! As for the image, I've asked for a litle assistance below, since my image skills are, shall we say, non-existant? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **The second last para of the bio lacks sourcing for its final statement. --Eyrezer 21:56, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Smeg. sourced. Also, thanks for the image enhancement.
 * 5) Some pointers, which I have mostly addressed myself
 * 6) * In my copy of Dark Apprentice, Exar Kun says "I want your anger, Gantoris.", rather than "I want your anger, Gantoris!". Misquote, wishful thinking, different source? I'm not sure.
 * 7) **Mistakenly wishful thinking - writing the quote how i thought it should be written. Altered.
 * 8) * Up till 100, write out numbers as words, such as three, for 3 corusca gems
 * 9) **Curses. Thanks for altering.
 * 10) * More linking, such as runyip, the battle of Dantooine where Daala attacks the colonists. Most things can be linked, I find.
 * 11) **Are there other things that are missing linkage?
 * 12) ***I don't think so. Good stuff. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Instead of hyphons, you want to use &mdash; I changed this for you
 * 14) **Err... Is this a set policy or just your personal preference?
 * 15) ***Well &"mdash"; and &"hellip";, I thought, were the proper wikia ways to do hyphons and ellipsis. I believe it's just the done thing, but feel free to go and check it out elsewhere. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I recommend expansion on Gantoris' rivalry with Horn, esp. the lifting of the rock episode.
 * 17) **I've expanded this in the Bio, by extracting and expanding relevant parts from the P&t. I've ad too.
 * 18) * Mention Warton, who Gantoris appears to have known from birth. It's his death that really guts Gantoris. Also mention the futile lightsaber strike on the wall against Kun.
 * 19) **Aah. Good point. Warton and lightsaber futility added.
 * 20) * Legacy section? There seem plenty of after death details.
 * 21) ** I've separated the final section into a "Legacy" part and added a little, but there's not much I can add to it.
 * 22) *Good stuff, Xadún. Harrar 16:23, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:27, 9 June 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From Greyman:
 * 2) *Gantoris actually has a role, albeit very minor, in the story Firestorm. I see it listed in the "Appearances" section, but don't currently see any info on it in the article. If you need help with obtaining a copy of the story, let me know :) Greyman ( Talk ) 18:54, 10 June 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the Preliminary Hearings of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) *The only part I read was the BTS, which I changed a little for you, but I suggest you change the source for the part about Exar's name never being spoken in the narration. JA narration works, just not Dark Apprentice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:02, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) ** I deemed this unnecessary as Kun only speaks to Gantoris in Dark Apprentice, but I've changed it as it works either way. Also, I've moved the specific details about Gantoris' lightsaber to the article. I thought describing it to be duel-phase was sufficient, but it made sense to have this added clarification in the article itself. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 10:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***This is trivial, but I don't see why you can't change the ref for this to narration. You specifically say he never mentions his name in the narration, then source it with a book.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I'm a little confused as to what you want here, I'm afriad.
 * 6) *****Okay. You say that in the narration, Kun never tells Gantoris his name. Unless I'm being thick, there's no reason to source this DA. You don't even need a source, actually.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:48, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) *Context on Ta'ania in the body is desired.
 * 8) ** I've added what I can, although there's precious little to be said about her, which I think is a shame.
 * 9) *Could the third sentence in Legacy be merged with the second? Also, what is Kyp's redemption test?
 * 10) **Merged and added.
 * 11) *I did a copyedit for you too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thanks.
 * 13) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 14) *"Many times during this fight he attacked out of anger, Skywalker regularly on the defensive to keep from antagonizing his student." Okay, I've fixed a lot of awkward verbage in this nom, but this really needs cleaned up. Reword and clarify please.
 * 15) *Broken down and altered.
 * 16) *" a trait possibly driven by his dreams of the "Dark Man" in a hope to defeat him." Kill this or reword it so it's not so speculative.
 * 17) * His high ambition meant Gantoris always strove to improve his skills, as his life on Eol Sha had meant he had to rely mostly on his own abilities.
 * 18) *Combine some of the paras in the P&T please.
 * 19) * Done.
 * 20) *Link to Force powers as needed; some were missing.
 * 21) *Added telekinesis link to Luke pulling Gantoris' lightsaber using the Force.
 * 22) *Probably not a good idea to list Exar Kun as his Sith Master-yes, Kun is a Sith, but Gantoris isn't, if you catch my drift.
 * 23) *I've removed "Sith", but I have left him under the list of Masters that taught Gantoris.
 * 24) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:57, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Can someone please assist with an improved copy of the Infobox image, per Eyrezer's request? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Culator took care of it. --Eyrezer 08:44, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

First Battle of Onderon (Naddist Uprising)

 * Nominated by: —Tommy''' ( There are no Jedi here ) 14:42, 5 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Another one of my cellphone butters...

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:29, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 02:12, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * May be a little rough (my mind & talents have been elsewhere), but it shouldn't be anything that can't be easily remedied. —Tommy ( There are no Jedi here ) 14:42, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Kai Justiss

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:40, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: (toots horn loudly)

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:14, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:36, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) For great Justiss! -- Ozzel 02:17, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I don't think this guy's known personality does the character justiss. *Cackle*  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:54, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Lord Hydronium 05:37, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) *Ackbar says:
 * 2) **" The Count insisted that he was no monster hell bent on the destruction of the Jedi." -- This looks a bit informal, and doesn't read well, IMHO.
 * 3) ***Yah, fixed.
 * 4) **" The name was coined by Corroney and Justiss." -- The world just imploded. :-P I would've fixed it myself, but I'm not sure who "Justiss" is meant to be.
 * 5) ***Hmm. I'm doing this a lot these days, which is a huge worry. Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 14:11, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Good work. Interesting character, interesting article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:59, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Three more little things:
 * 8) * I'd like a bit more context for the Battle of Geonosis, something like what I've done on Voolvif Monn/Pablo-Jill.
 * 9) **Hmm, well, on Monn at least, your info is a touch inaccurate: Kenobi's the one that sends out the distress signal. Still, good idea, I've added it now.
 * 10) ***Bah. Fixed now.
 * 11) * Also, for the very end of the bio, you should clarify that Boushh, Zuckuss and Breela (as well as several other hunters), actually engaged Justiss in combat, and that he killed many of them, etc. As it's written at present, it just says Crimson Nova sent the bounty hunters after them.
 * 12) **Not positive that the image tells us that he killed anyone, but I've added some context there.
 * 13) ***True, but you know what I mean. :-P Good work.
 * 14) * Also, though these aren't objections per se, I'd like to see an image added to the BtS, since we have plenty of them and he's an image-centric character, and also perhaps a quote from Joe Correney's blog in the BtS. Again, good work. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:42, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Added a quote, but in terms of an image I'd really like a picture of Chung or of Trevas' drawing of Justiss...but I can't seem to find either at the moment. Thefourdotelipsis 15:41, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Fair enough. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:14, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 18) * A bit of context on Drongar in the body would be nice.
 * 19) **Thing is, this is like...over a year before MedStar. I'm not sure that we know just what's happening there in 21 BBY...I could be mistaken though.
 * 20) ***The only thing I can recommend is that you take a hasty peek at the NEC. I don't have it on my desk atm, but that's the only other source I can think of. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:56, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Gotcha. Context added. Thefourdotelipsis 02:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * A hair more context on the whole Geonosis thing would be good also. It doesn't quite make entire sense if one hasn't seen Episode II as much as most of us have. Lucky them, eh?
 * 23) **Added a fraction, lemme know if it needs more.
 * 24) * Nothing else on P&T. :-(
 * 25) **This man seriously just...cameos. A lot. :P No discernible personality really...you're lucky to get that much.
 * 26) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:53, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Ta, Tar. Thefourdotelipsis 15:00, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) Toprawa:
 * 29) *You would probably do well here to very briefly explain the blood feud, or however you want to classify it, between Trandoshans and Wookiees:
 * 30) **Could you clarify, please? Your colon seems to indicate that you have more to say. :P Thefourdotelipsis 10:06, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Oh, whoops. Somewhere around here, "but nevertheless informed Justiss that Lonarr had come to Kashyyyk from Dosha, and that he employed Trandoshans to guard his Temporary Droids warehouse," a mention describing the Wookiee/Trandoshan feud would do nice to supplement the significance behind employing the Trandoshans. Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:13, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ****Yep, got something there now. Thefourdotelipsis 04:40, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * Please give a brief descriptor for Sora Bulq: "Count Dooku boarded the craft, flanked by Sora Bulq"
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * Can we supplement this with specific names of who demonstrated this trait alternatively? "Justiss, unlike some,"
 * 36) **Also done.
 * 37) * Is there nothing that could be added to a Powers and Abilities section?
 * 38) **I'm afraid not. What little there is I've placed in the P&T.
 * 39) * Your BTS claims that his role as a Jedi Watchman is non-canon, yet he is categorized as such. Is this appropriate? Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:01, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) **A vestige from the old article. It's gone. Thefourdotelipsis 10:06, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The full citation tags, with images, look odd in citation #5, where you actually write out sentences. -LtNOWIS 15:14, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Raygar

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 15:32, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) We can't forget him. A great and ambitious villain, despite being a poor shot (as many other imperials, notably the troopers). If Emperor Palpatine survived him, thanks to Wicket. -- Delmar Nori 21:13, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 13:04, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) For some reason, this reminds me of a particularly egregious user page from long ago. It's about as ridiculous a topic.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:18, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:13, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * There seems to be a contradiction: the introduction says "he was taken to the Endor system by Admiral Kazz, at Emperor Palpatine's behest", implying that he was sent on the mission by the Emperor. In the bio, it says that the mission was Raygar's idea.  I think it's the latter. &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 13:48, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The introduction is now correct. -- Delmar Nori 15:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Please do not strike other users' comments, Delmarnori. It is up to them to check the changes and strike themselves. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:28, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Sorry! -- Delmar Nori 20:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Okay, as much as I wince about this, you'll need to make an article for that silly cannon and link to it. I'm sure you can come up with a creative but appropriate title. ;-)
 * 3) **Bah. OK, done.
 * 4) * "As a result, the Sunstar fell to a platform, from which Raygar retrieved the gem." What platform? Context please.
 * 5) **Per Delmarnori, it's a sort of walkway. Fixed.
 * 6) * "The shot only clipped Palpatine's craft, however, effectively thwarting Raygar's hope of a successful coup." This could do with a bit more explanation-one shuttle shouldn't be able to attack an ISD and I'm rather confused about the whole affair.
 * 7) **Ah, yes. Added a little bit of context there and earlier in the piece too...should be clearer, if not, give us a yell. Thefourdotelipsis 02:52, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Well, I'm sort of curious. Does Palpatine board the Star Destroyer and send his own guards, or does he ring up Kazz and ask him what's going on? It'd be good to know, if, of course, the information is available. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:57, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****I'm afraid that's not made clear in the source. Thefourdotelipsis 00:23, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****There's no source about if Palpatine rang up Kazz asking about the attempt, before seeing Raygar himself. But the episode Battle for the Sunstar shows Kazz inviting his own guards to arrest the one who was shooting against the Emperor. -- Delmar Nori 02:01, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *Wow. This is an incredibly silly topic. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day while I go regenerate the neurons I damaged reading this. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:52, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *About the place where the Sunstar fell on, that was another walkway, not a platform. We know, the Bright Tree Village had many walkways and huts on differents levels. The article was changed. -- Delmar Nori 22:24, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The only quasi-concern I have is that we put the title of the episode in parentheses as a practice, including the title of the episode's article itself. It would seem this should be italicized instead. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:13, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Shedao Shai

 * Nominated by: Harrar 00:03, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, it’s the 40th nomination, it’s another character, and it probably won’t pass for ages. But his article was a pitiful 264 words long, he’s important, and Stackpole gave a lot of info! So here goes&mdash;enjoy (hopefully). My next nom will break my character trend, I promise&hellip;

(3 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:30, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 17:21, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Glutton for punishment.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:59, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:17, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the embrace of Ackbar:
 * 2) *" in which he expunged himself of any taint, wrapped in the tendrils of the torture device for hours, watching over the relics of his ancestors as he contorted his limbs in agony" -- this reads more like a narrative. Perhaps reword it with less narrative-y terms.
 * 3) **It's been neutered. Have a look and see what you think
 * 4) * Could you try maybe cutting down some of "duel and death?" It seems a bit over-detailed/play-by-play.
 * 5) **Guilty as charged. I took out a lot of the fluff&mdash;peruse at your leisure
 * 6) **Other than that, good work, if a tiny bit over-detailed in places. Keep up the good work :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:51, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Thanks&mdash;I know it is a bit too detailed but Stackpole's plot and character development seemed to demand it. I'll trim back more next time. Harrar 12:18, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 9) * Is this Lian individual an intendant or a warrior? He's described as a bureaucrat, but he's also listed as a military leader. Please clarify.
 * 10) **A warrior, I was being unclear.
 * 11) * The mention of Thrawn is awkward at best. Please reword this.
 * 12) **It's relevant enough to be included, so I've changed the voice. See what you think, I'm happy to change it again if it's still off.
 * 13) ***The biggest issue was that "Chiss Imperial Grand Admiral" was far too long of a title, which you've fixed. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * You state that Shai ordered all those with knowledge of Bafforr pollen be killed, but earlier you stated that Lian already informed his superior that he had done so. Please clarify.
 * 15) **They were first isolated by Lian and interned, and Shai then orders them killed. Made this clearer
 * 16) * Also, "bafforr pollen" shouldn't be capitalized.
 * 17) **Not certain about this, especially since Acky already capitalized them all. What's the consensus?
 * 18) ***A check of Dark Tide II reveals that it is kept lower case in each instance. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****My bad; I was going by the capitalization in the bafforr article. Now fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:57, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * More details on why the capsule could only be opened by Horn, please.
 * 21) **A little addition on the blood sample that was needed. Have a gander
 * 22) * You might want to be a little more clearer that Shai left Horn a message on his villip, or whatever. It's not atm.
 * 23) **How about now?
 * 24) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:13, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks, and thanks for the review. Harrar 23:55, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * To me, the last sentence in the BtS doesn't really seem necessary. If you think otherwise, that's cool, but I think if you're going to have it, then there should be some substance to it. Just a suggestion, Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 00:34, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, you're right. I think I was trying to suggest that he was a large part of the series, but that's pretty obvious from his mentions and the article anyway. Harrar 09:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * "My next nom will break my character trend, I promise&hellip;" You're going to FA the Yuuzhan Vong War? Great idea Harrar! :p --Eyrezer 02:08, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Well I was thinking of the Battle of Dantooine first, but yeh, the Yuuzhan Vong War is the dream goal! Harrar 09:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

Seha Dorvald

 * Nominated by: Darthchristian 21:57, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: According to Fourdot, this is over a thousand words....it better be. =P

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * "father's death at the hands of a Yuuzhan Vong insect." - Did it really have hands? :P You need to explain what's happening with Jacen in the intro. At the moment it's just she's working for him, and suddenly she's confessing, like working for Jacen's a bad thing. Of course it is, but you need to tell us that. ;) And reading on...yeah, he's suddenly Caedus. The first paragraph of the "Second Galactic Civil War" section has formality issues..."pretty" "cute" "dark time," things like that...just needs to be tightened a bit. A chronological problem comes from the fact that you tell us that Dorvald was spying for Jacen a while after the fact. This has to be reshuffled. Just as a suggestion, formality wise, you might want to use her surname, rather than her given one. Thefourdotelipsis 15:18, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * All of those are fixed, and I changed her first name to her surname throughout, as per your suggestion. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 16:50, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Per Ataru, the formality, "cute" etc, needs to be culled. Thefourdotelipsis 11:33, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * It'd be good to mention her rescuing Katarn in the intro.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * 1st two sentences of Early life read rather awkwardly. Read it aloud and see if you can come up with a better way to write that.
 * 5) **Fixed, though I needed to change the prose of the paragraph to do do.
 * 6) * Sorry, you can't call someone a pretty young woman. That's POV, and if we don't allow it for Mara, Jaina, Padme, and Jarael, it won't fly here.
 * 7) **I thought I might be able to get away with that because that's how Ben saw her to be, but fixed.
 * 8) ***You could say that Dorvald was considered an attractive woman by Ben, but to explicitly say she was attractive is a no no. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *"Ben decided that Seha was cute and that he would have liked to stand and look at her for a couple of days. She apparently had mutual feelings, as evidenced by her nervousness around Ben during their conversation." This needs to be reworded and shortened; this type of information works much better in a P&T or relationships section than this. Per 4dot above.
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) ***Sorry, not yet. The tone is still too informal, and it could be worded much better than how it is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Better now?
 * 13) * The whole apprentice thing needs to be a lot clearer; she's said to be too old to become an apprentice, then lo and behold, she becomes an apprentice later.
 * 14) **I don't think she was an apprentice; I changed the wording to that she was a Jedi candidate, not an apprentice.
 * 15) * " and to leave the fight alive with everybody, regardless whether the mission was a success or failure." This could be clearer.
 * 16) **Its a bit clearer now.
 * 17) * You'll need an article for the mission/duel.
 * 18) **Forgot to add it. It's in there now.
 * 19) *"She was at first amazed by the skill the Jedi and Sith performed at" Reword this as well.
 * 20) **I'm having a hard time rewording this. Any suggestions?
 * 21) ***Perhaps you could state that "She was initially impressed by the skill of the combatants as they dueled", or something along those lines.
 * 22) ****Used the suggestion.
 * 23) *Explain the escape route more.
 * 24) **Fury isn't clear on that, though I did the best I could with that.
 * 25) ***At least tell me what type of hatch she blew through, where it was, and how she blew it up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ****No hatch type, but the latter 2 explained.
 * 27) *Did Seha lead them "through the undercity to safety"? It's not clear in the article.
 * 28) **She led them to a safehouse, which I forgot to mention in the article.
 * 29) ***The confusion was due to a missing pronoun, but your comment gave me enough information to add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ****So, is your objection fixed? Because there is nothing I can do to further improve that sentence. Darthchristian 03:00, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Force push and Force pull are technically elements of telekinesis. Please adjust your P&A section appropriately.
 * 32) **Fixed.
 * 33) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:56, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) **You too. Thank you for reviewing the article. Darthchristian 16:51, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

The Epic Continues

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:05, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: (puffs cigarette) "...so I says to myself, look, Four Dot, they're not going for the IU stuff. Yanowotimeen? It's like there's feces or something on them, and no one's touching them. I mean, I have to shift this stuff, but there's not much you can do, knowotimeen? So I says, see here, I'll give em something to write home about. Y'see? Like, I'm finking, give 'em summat diffrent. 'cause people wanna read about cancelled toys, right? Right?"

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Lord Hydronium 10:41, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) What'll he think of next? What's that? An FA of a baby appearing only in HNN with no personality? Absurd.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:37, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

Onara Kuat

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:45, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More WTS fun.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Clean nom. For the record, 4dot, I'd rather read IU articles.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:07, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:15, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

Empatojayos Brand

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 06:42, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 10:44, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 13:23, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * "Brand identified himself to them as Jedi and the two women confirmed it." Did they confirm it through the Force? If so, can that be mentioned. Reads a little bit funny at the moment. --Eyrezer 00:59, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yep. Clarified. - Lord Hydronium 07:01, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Could we get a picture of the "Brand look-alike" from Union for the BtS?-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:38, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Added. - Lord Hydronium 00:46, 13 June 2008 (UTC)

Jeng Droga

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:45, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: He go crazy.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Lord Hydronium 03:51, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:11, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I quite like this guy. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:06, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Blah blah blah:
 * 2) * Two "was able"s in close proximity at the end of the first intro paragraph.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Perhaps a mention of Anakin's significance in the intro and later on in the bio; as it is, all it says is that he's some infant.
 * 5) **In there now.
 * 6) * "There, during the pivotal battle that took place there" -- this could do with cleaning up.
 * 7) **Nixed the first "there"
 * 8) **Good article, interesting character. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:56, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 11:38, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * If anyone has Empire's End, replacement of the images would be much appreciated. Thefourdotelipsis 14:45, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Scratch that last. Thefourdotelipsis 08:06, 16 June 2008 (UTC)

Asli Krimsan's holocron

 * Nominated by: Yrfeloran 18:13, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hey look, it's not a character.

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Excellent work. I'd love to see featured articles on other holocrons.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:46, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 17:17, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Lord Hydronium 14:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Much, if not all, of the article is written in two- and three-sentence paragraphs. It would be greatly appreciated if you could do your best to merge them together.-- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:45, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I really don't see a problem with that arrangement, as the paragraphs don't seem to be disjointed. Were there any specific instances that could be improved? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:49, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Grass clippings:
 * 4) * Maybe a touch more on the functionality of the item as a holocron in the Properties section would be nice.
 * 5) **Sure. Yrfeloran 03:12, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * This sentence needs a bit more clarity: "The primary purpose of Asli Krimsan's holocron was to provide resources for the education of Jedi children to future Jedi Masters." Do we mean Jedi from children to future Jedi Masters? Or something different? Please reword.
 * 7) **It's teaching Jedi Masters how to teach children. Changed. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * Referring to the Potentium as heresy straight off is POV. Please revisit how you explain this example.
 * 9) **Eh, changed. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The word "holocron" is used quite heavily&mdash;perhaps some alternatives could be worked in to make the read more pleasant?
 * 11) **Short of "glowy cube", I'm not sure what would work. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Object, device, what-have you. Anything aside from "holocron &hellip; the holocron &hellip; holocron." Graestan ( Talk ) 03:17, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ****If I may, I used "device" on Adas...and it seems to have worked out OK so far. Thefourdotelipsis 03:44, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * The nature of the drugs the Ranats used should be provided. Also, the Ranats' employ should be stated up front to avoid later confusion.
 * 15) **Sure. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * The last paragraph of the BtS is pure OR/speculation/extrapolation, and really shouldn't be included.
 * 17) **Eh, removed/toned down. Yrfeloran 03:12, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * The appearances really don't belong, in my opinion&mdash;the BtS mention is enough for that, and less misleading.
 * 19) ** OK. Yrfeloran 04:17, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:49, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Image kinda sucks Yrfeloran 18:13, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * yup, needs some cleaning indeed. Moreover, some additional illustrations would be welcome - Invock 22:29, 12 June 2008 (UTC
 * I know I remember hearing that those holocrons were made specifically for the VD. I'll see if I can dig up a source. -- Ozzel 11:45, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Ok, the acknowledgments in the back of the AOTC VD say that Don Bies and John Goodson specially created the holocrons. -- Ozzel 10:53, 14 June 2008 (UTC)

Zorba Desilijic Tiure

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:47, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A-haw-haw-haw-haw!!

(1 Inqs/0 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:05, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

Crueya Vandron

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:18, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Guaranteed to bore.

(2 Inqs/0 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Greejy! Thefourdotelipsis 00:18, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:30, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:08, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * This "Justice" links to some bounty hunter. Can we link to something appropriate? "met with stern opposition by the Justice department."
 * 3) **Linked to something more appropriate.
 * 4) * You never really say what they decided upon, just that they discussed and he agreed on something. Please specify/clarify: "Vandron corresponded with Ishin Il-Raz, head of COMPNOR's Select Committee, as to what path the organization would take; Vandron approved,"
 * 5) **We don't know what they agreed on, as the info comes from statements from Il-Raz to the media.
 * 6) * The way this reads makes it sound as though the entire effort was a failure just because one person dropped out and joined the enemy. Was this necessarily so? Other students may have proven to be great successes, for example: "Vandron's idea ultimately backfired, as one of the children, Kerri Lessev, became a top agent of the Alliance to Restore the Republic" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:58, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Altered it a bit; does that look okay? Thanks for the review, -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:21, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Yes, sir. Good job overall. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:30, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Akanseh

 * Nominated by: - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 10:41, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More DarkStryder goodness

(1 Inqs/0 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 17:04, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

Natasi Daala

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:05, 15 June 2008 (UTC),
 * Nomination comments: "I am doing all I can to preserve the Empire."--Ysanne Isard

(0 Inqs/1 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) After all, I did work on it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:54, 15 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The First Wave of Objections from Darthchristian
 * 2) * Before I state my objections, let me extend some thanks to you. You've done a great job on the article, Mitth'raw'nuruodo, expanding and fixing numerous problems with the article but there are still some things to expand and fix.
 * 3) * First off, the first sentence in the the intro is a horrible way to start it off. State where she's from, that she's a human female, then give the fluff of the article. Change it to, "Natasi Daala, a Human female from the Renatasia system, was an Imperial admiral, and later in her life, the Galactic Alliance Chief of State. The only female to ever reach the rank of admiral in the Imperial Navy, she enlisted in the Imperial Navy on Carida, but was discriminated against due to her sex." Continue from that, and fix up the sentence if you feel you need to.
 * 4) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * You give no mention of her son and grandson in the intro as well, which is vital information.
 * 6) **Added that she had a son.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * In the second sentence of the third paragraph in the intro, make a link for command, linking to Supreme Commander.
 * 8) **Did so.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Make swearing in the intro past tense.
 * 10) **I believe in that context it is past tense.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * There's a source? tag in the first sentence of the bio.
 * 12) **Removed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * In the first sentence of the second section, state, "Due to her talents,".
 * 14) **Good idea.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Expand on her appearance in Death Star. She's given a lot of information in that book, and she has only a few sentences about it in her article. Trust me, you can get of alot of information about her in that book.
 * 16) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Link to 11 ABY and to Han, Chewie, and Kyp.
 * 18) **How'd we miss that? Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * You give no mention that she was going to keep Han and Chewie prisoners, and that she was going to execite Kyp.
 * 20) **Do now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Oh, please, please expand the Return to the Maw section. You give a paragraph for the last book of the Jedi Academy Series, which is just pathetic. She's one of the main antagonists in that book.
 * 22) **Done. Keep in mind her part in the last part of the trilogy was slim at best.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 02:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***I'm going to look into that book later. For now, I'm not striking the objection. Darthchristian 03:05, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I reread it, and you're right, though I could've sworn there was more to Daala in that book. Darthchristian 15:35, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Expand LOTF greatly, and merge the last two sections in "Second Galactic Civil War," and start it off with, "Daala eventually returned from hiding at the request of her former, Pellaeon...."
 * 27) **I haven't read the Legacy of the Force series yet, but as far as merging and such goes, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:53, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Expanded.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Also, you're not supposed to vote for the article you nommed anymore, so I guess strike that vote. These objections may be harsh, but this article really is not even close to FA quality at this point. Daala has a lot of potential, so I really want to see her article completely fleshed out. Fix those objections, and I'll come back for more. Darthchristian 00:26, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) The Praetorite objections
 * 31) * Maybe change the second "female" in the first sentence of the intro to "woman" to avoid the repetition?
 * 32) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *My main problem with this article is that there seems to be a lack of over-arching continuity in it:
 * 34) ** Commander Kratas should be mentioned early on, way before his death.
 * 35) ***He is now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **All the information given in Revelation needs to be incorporated into earlier areas of the article as it essentially explains what goes on post Scylla-battle.
 * 37) ***She tells Pellaeon to contact her via the Darakaer message when she vanishes
 * 38) ***She remains in contact with Boba Fett, and calls upon him at Fondor.
 * 39) ***She gets back together with Liegeus, who's killed, she loses an eye and vows revenge against the Moffs
 * 40) ***At some point after the Battle of Bastion she gains control of the Chimaera
 * 41) ***She does planets favours during the Yuuzhan Vong War (her own words), accrues a fleet and mounts some of the ships with Metal-Crystal Phase Shifters&mdash;tech taken from the Maw when she memory dumps all its information.
 * 42) **There is also a large lack of context about the Yuuzhan Vong War and the Second Galactic Civil War.
 * 43) **I'm aware my objections are perhaps a little vague and require you to sift through Revelation, but as Darthchristian said this has a long way to go, and I'm not trying to be difficult. Basically, at the moment the sectioning is basically by appearance, with information chunked together as it has been received&mdash;probably because she's sat dormant for so long. Major respects for getting her off the shelf. Harrar 12:41, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Expanded. Please give more critique if you feel it's needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***It's a good expansion, but I feel that the article is lacking a section between Later life and Second Galactic Civil War, or just an extension of the Later life section, in which you order the above information chronologically. I.e. Keeping in touch with Boba Fett, the Darakaer code, the Maw Irregular, her actions during the Yuuzhan Vong War. This would give the article better internal continuity in my opinion. What do you think? Harrar 18:47, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Well, my first inclination would be to disagree, since we have no idea (or at least to my knowledge) of when these things specifically happened (with exception to her role during the Yuuzhan Vong War), such as her giving the Darakaer code to Pellaeon, nor are there any specific details on these things (such as her forming the Maw Irregualr fleet). Once again, I have not read the LotF series, but I'm sure that there are no particulars (at least in dates) to these things, so that it would be impossible for us to say within the article when these things happened. So, at least in this case, over-arching continuity seems to be unlikely, or at least very difficult, to be established.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:20, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****It'd be tough because we really don't have any dates, and I tried to add context in the expansion to make it flow. I'll tinker with it and try your suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******Harrar: I made that change, and I personally think it's good. Keeps the flow going. Good suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 10:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ***I am afraid I personally can do little to address your LOTF related objections, as I have not read the series, but I hope that one of my fellow project members can do so.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Having written a few FAs and being a member of this project, I can add this info.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:41, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) BtS could do with some work. Add info about her characterization/development, what sort of role she played, how her promotion in Invincible was controversial, etc. Also, some of the BtS is inaccurate: "aside from a brief mention which stated she was believed to be dead in the New Essential Chronology, disappeared from canon for 10 years." Aside from implying that it's now post-2011, it's wrong; she was mentioned many times in NJO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:59, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) *Done, with the exception of the Invincible promotion thing.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:23, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **When I added that tidbit, I put 10 years because the last published work she appeared in before LOTF was PoT, hence the 10 years. And by not appearing, I meant not physically apearing. I didn't count mentions.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:37, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) ***On a related note, she actually appeared in Death Star before Revelation. Thefourdotelipsis 09:31, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ****The related change shall be made to the BTS.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:08, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:41, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) Can you describe the events that occured at the end of Champions of the Force, that her crew still had confidence in Daala, the losses she had obtained, etc.? It shouldn't be much to write, its just the status of Daala and the Gorgon after the battle.
 * 58) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 19:09, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) *Most of what I was going to address was picked up by other users, so that's all I have for now. Expect to see a list of grammatic issues later this week, as that's the last thing I believe this article needs before becoming a FA. Once all of my objections that are unaddressed are fixed, and the other users' objections have been have fixed, then you might find this article to be a lot more improved. Darthchristian 15:51, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) Well, I'm not sure but where is Daala mentioned at the Battle of Shedu Maad? I've finished Invincible today but I can't remember any mention of her name. Janeway 11:24, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Oh, what about her appearence in The Princess Leia Diaries? Shouldn't that be added? Janeway 11:27, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *It doesn't say she was in the battle, it just says that afterwards she was made Chief of State.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:09, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Daala and the Maw Irregular Fleet later took part in such crucial final battles of the war as the Battle of Roche and the Battle of Shedu Maad. I think that tells its own tale, doesn't it? Janeway 18:12, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **It was linked twice, hence the confusion. I didn't find any mention of her in the battle's article, so I removed the mention altogether. I hope that helps.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **As to your other (what I am assuming is) objection, I cannot find any mention of Daala anywhere in relation to Leia's youth nor could I find how she could even fit in with the plot. I'll continue my search (I have not read the comic), although I urge you to keep an open mind, since she may not have a part in it at all, though who knows?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:31, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm no Daala expert -- I haven't read any KJA novels -- but I would have expected this article to be way longer than the 42 KB -- the same length as Sagoro Autem and Jareal, two far more minor character FAs. Ysanne Isard, a similar sort of character (I think) who probably does a fair bit less than Daala, is 92 KBs. That's what I would expect Daala's article to look like, and it doesn't look like FA-class detail at the minute. But as I said, I'm no expert. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:54, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Ysanne Isard is much bigger and is featured in many novels and comics, where as Daala is only in a couple and for the most part conducts military campaigns, not political insurrections, assassinations, etc. It isn't a very good idea to compare Daala to Isard.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:12, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Okay, perhaps that was a bad comparison -- I did say I wasn't too familiar with Daala. I figured since Daala played a character-who-has-stuff-done-but-doesn't-do-much-herself who features in eight novels, and Isard is a similar type of character who features in 5 novels, a short story, and a comic arc, they might be similar. But even if my comparison is wrong, you cannot tell me that Daala's article should be only a tad longer than Czulkang Lah's and Morag's, and a fair bit less than Zuckuss's and Evir Derricote's. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I will admit that it may be lacking in some areas (Death Star and LotF series), but we have project members (I hope) working on these aspects of Daala's article, as this point has already been brought up. But that doesn't mean that the whole article is undetailed. But this is simply because I have not read material covering these parts, and I trust that it will be taken care of by the rest of Project Ambition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Cebann Veekan

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:57, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nominations comments: Special thanks to Ozzel for BTS info and image.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Clean as a whistle, but I feel misled. I took a look at those comments and assumed this had some A Few Good Men tie-in or other legal reference, which is why I read it. BAH!  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:36, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *He looks like Kevin Bacon! What more do you want? :P Thefourdotelipsis 08:04, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Fourdot's WTS FAs always have really long BTS sections.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  17:19, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:06, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) There seems to be a slight overuse of the word "would" in the article. Other than that it's fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:43, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Forested. Thefourdotelipsis 09:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa:
 * 4) *It would seem that if he lived for "many years" after 4 ABY, he should have a New Republic era tag. I might also argue he could have a Rise of the Empire tag, but that seems a bit more cloudy. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:09, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Got the NR tag, but, to my mind, use of the RotE tag is a bit cloudy, as you say. Thefourdotelipsis 04:51, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Colonel Jessep! Do you understand these rights as I have just read them to you? Thefourdotelipsis 11:57, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * An image from Yoda Stories would be nice.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:37, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Bidlo Kwerve

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:41, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This one's more interesting.

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Rancors come running for the great taste of Kwerve!  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 19:57, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 23:26, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Quite fun. - Lord Hydronium 11:09, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *I don't think "majordomoship" is a word. Please tweak: "After this, however, his temporary majordomoship"
 * 3) *I wouldn't really say this. I'm not sure if I would actually call this POV or OR, but I'm not sure how you can tell what is luck and what is skill when referring to others: "Kwerve was similar to most Corellians in that he was extremely lucky"
 * 4) *Please check whether the GG5 info comes from the first or second edition. It may be pertinent to specify as such in the BTS, and then you should add the second edition to the source list if it's relevant
 * 5) *Additionally, you should research the other adaptations of ROTJ (comics, novel, radio adaptations, etc.) to see which ones include mention of the skull, and then those need to be added to the Apps/source lists as well Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:31, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *I went to add Star Wars: Behind the Magic to the source list and noticed that it is out of order. Please order correctly and add BTM. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:29, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Rebel Dawn might start in 2 BBY, but Kwerve doesn't show up until the book has reached ANH's timeframe (0 BBY). Please correct these dates, including his date of death. --Borsk Fey'lya  Talk 12:30, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Good spot; fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:10, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Not that this would make much of a difference, but would it be possible to put an image of his skull in the article? That would make this article unique. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:28, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I was originally going to include one, but there didn't seem to be space. However, the skull one would probably be better than the rancor one, so I'll grab a screenshot and try and add it tomorrow. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:43, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I was going to suggest the same thing. It would look really cool to get a screenshot of the skull flying through the air. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:34, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Laigrek

 * Nominated by: User:Devan2 19:42, 17 June 2008
 * Nomination comments: It's detailed and long considering it's on a creature with very little information.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nomination adopted by Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 06:16, 19 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Please read the requirements at the top of the page&mdash;it's less than 1000 words. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:46, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Stuff:
 * 3) * I think "Laigreks" looks better than "The Laigrek" for the opener.
 * 4) **Addressed.
 * 5) * "Native to the remote Outer Rim planet of Dantooine, the laigrek was insectoid in appearance, with a layered exoskeleton and six scythe-shaped legs that were similar to those of an acklay.[2]" The first part of this is improperly sourced, and I would remove the Acklay comparison, since I can see a fair difference and acklay aren't all that well known (I think).
 * 6) **Removed the reference.
 * 7) * "They were approximately one meter in height when standing on their four hind legs" -- are heights given in Kotor? If it's inferred or something please footnote appropriately.
 * 8) **Removed height speculation, but added a further description.
 * 9) * "with the back of their layered armor colored in a shiny black with their bellies a fiery red" -- the two "with"s in a row need rewording.
 * 10) **Reworded
 * 11) * "Though native to Dantooine, the laigrek could not be found in the caves within the grassy areas that surrounded the Jedi Enclave—which would host the Khoonda outpost in the wake of the Jedi Civil War—at the time of Revan's retraining there as an amnesiac, though kinraths were plentiful.[3]" Is this necessary? I'm sure we could list a few more places they weren't present at.
 * 12) **Added that they weren't in the Rakatan ruins either.
 * 13) ***That's not really what I meant; I think it should be removed, because where they weren't isn't important/relevant.
 * 14) * Per whatever the last CT was called, cut content is supposed to go in the BtS.
 * 15) **Cut content moved and tweaked.
 * 16) * "In order to regulate the trade in artifacts, which Khoonda, run by Administrator Terena Adare, taxed for income, special permission was needed to access the sublevel." Is this relevant?
 * 17) **Added a bit to make it more relevant; the dangers posed by laigrek swarms made it necessary for Khoonda to regulate who went in.
 * 18) * "When a group of salvagers teamed up in order access areas that had not yet been plundered, they were met by a swarm of laigreks; though most got away, one was left in the sublevel, where he managed to find an empty room and lock himself within it, safe from the laigreks. The man, Jorran, was later found by the Jedi Exile during her hunt for Jedi Master Vrook. In the process, she'd killed all of the laigreks in the sublevel, thus freeing him.[1]" The first part reads more like the salvagers' bio, rather than something primarily about the laigrek. Also, did she kill all of the laigreks?
 * 19) **Tweaked the entire passage; it should be less focused on Jorran. Also, the player must kill all laigreks in order to save Jorran.
 * 20) * I am no expert, but would "Their preferred method of attack was to utilize their forelegs as large claws, slashing at their victims repeatedly, as well as biting with their sharp mouths" be game mechanics? Again, please correct me if I'm wrong.
 * 21) **Not really, because that's how they're animated/depicted when attacking the players.
 * 22) ***Right, but it's akin to saying "The Jedi Exile's fighting style involved lots of jabs to the opponent's stomach" because that's what happens in game, which I doubt would go down too well. I'll leave this for others to chime in on, though.
 * 23) * A lot of the second paragraph in the BtS seems unnecessary/speculation.
 * 24) **Eliminated.
 * 25) *I'm not sure there's enough material here for FA without fluff, and it may well be less than 1000 words after the review process. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:18, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **Possibly, but hopefully it'll still pass.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 11:45, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Yes, I know I'm supposed to be on vacation. But the needs of the many (WP:KOTOR) come before the needs of the few or of the one. Current length is 1,090 words.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 06:16, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I've struck my "vote to remove" simply because Goodwood has a) done the work necessary to make this article an FAN, and b) he's not trying to mooch off of other's work by simply nominating an article without doing any work on it, unlike what happened. I'll try and give it a review sometime soon, Wood. Greyman ( Talk ) 03:43, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I too will give it a better look in the days to come. To be frank, from a cursory reading, I think this article is going to need much work. I will refrain from voting to remove the nomination until after I've had a better look, however. A warning: I, too, don't want to see fluff just so it stays over 1,000 words. I am not out to kill it or to make it fall below that point, but if it falls below that level, so be it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:46, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Inquisitorius vote to remove nomination
 * 1)  -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:46, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Take this to the GAN, my young apprentice.  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:12, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  It already is a GA, written by Eyrezer, and I don't think much more info can be gleaned from the sources/appearances. Plus, the nominator on this page has done no work on it at all.  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:51, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Since when do we reward non-Inq laziness on the FAN page?   Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:33, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Garven Dreis

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 07:23, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just hold them off for a few...weeks.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) It's away! -- Ozzel 23:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 13:46, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

Kendal Ozzel

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm taking an awful risk here, Vader... This had better work.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn:
 * 2) *Intro:
 * 3) ** "..wealthy family owning land..." should be "wealthy landowning family."
 * 4) ** Change the last part of the first paragraph to: "Ironically, Ozzel did not achieve his goal of high rank due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as the Emperor's Hand Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision."
 * 5) ** Ozzel was not the Admiral of Death Sqaudron, no such title exists. Say he was the ranking officer of Death Squadron.
 * 6) ** add "his senior subordinate, Captain Firmus Piett".
 * 7) * Infobox:
 * 8) ** I feel that Ozzel is over associated. Rather than have Imperial Navy and Death Squadron, just have Death Squadron, since that was the facet of the Navy he was in.
 * 9) ***No, that's correct as is. We list all tiers of a faction, if known. Thefourdotelipsis 13:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Oh, very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Ozzel has a blond mustache.
 * 12) *Ascension and Death:
 * 13) ** Change "He was assigned as the commander..." to "He was assigned to the Executor, the flagship of both Darth Vader and the task force Death Sqaudron, as its commanding officer, with Captain Firmus Piett as his senior subordinate."
 * 14) **Try to milk as much info out of ESB as possible.
 * 15) * BTS:
 * 16) ** Several parts of the BTS are unsourced.
 * 17) ***While this was changed, for future reference it didn't have to be. All parts of the BTS were sourced, if not by tags then by statements that sourced themselves by stating their source within the sentence. - Lord Hydronium 14:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Just to add to this, the way it is now I'd call it overreferenced. - Lord Hydronium 14:25, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****That's what I was thinking. I'll remove them, if they haven't been removed already. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ** Rather than say who thought what about him, try to include all their opinions in one blow.
 * 21) ** Change "action" to "actions".
 * 22) ** "Active" should be "activate".
 * 23) ** Change "a large majority" to "the majority".
 * 24) * Though not an official objection, I'd like for the Black Nebula red link to be filled in if possible.
 * That's about all I can think of at this moment, I may try and fix somethings myself after my objections have been addressed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:55, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Uh, if there is no such title of "Admiral of Death Squadron," why is he the admiral in charge of Death Squadron? Otherwise, done. Additionally, I don't have Scoundrel's Luck, so I can't do anything about the Black Widow Nebula redlink. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no "Admiral of Death Squadron" but there is "Commander of Death Squadron".-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fine, "Admiral in charge of Death Squadron." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Mention should be made that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy on Coruscant.
 * 3) * Mention should be made that Ozzel achieved the rank of Captain of the Line before being transferred to the Coruscant Naval Academy, and that he was transferred because his superiors felt he was not able to command in the field.
 * 4) * Mention should be made that he taught naval history and languages at the academy.
 * 5) * For the Personality and traits section, no mention is made of his bullish attitude and lack of common sense, his argumentative attitude, his being a disciplinarian and stickler for rules, and his bias against females and non-humans while teaching at the academy.
 * 6) *All the above is from the Official Star Wars Fact Files. If you need help on some of it, let me know. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **If you could leave me details on each of your comments on my talk page with the specific Fact File they came from, I'd be more than happy to add the information in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 02:44, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just to let you know, I'll have this taken care of by tonight; it's a busy day for me. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:01, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:05, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Happy to help with the content, but there's a few other things about the article I noticed. Please see below. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)


 * From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 1) *An expansion on the situation on Teardrop, with a link to the Teardrop massacre should be included.
 * 2) *Include details of the plans to kill Mara Jade.
 * 3) *It's been a while since I read Allegiance, but does Ozzel have any reaction to/ knowledge of/ direct contact with/ orders to deal with the Hand of Judgment?
 * 4) *Concerning the information regarding the differing viewpoints on his ascension to Admiral: consider removing He led Death Squadron alongside Vader into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY that ended in a Rebel escape., from the end of the third paragraph of Ascent, and adding the first three lines from the fourth paragraph to the third, from "Speculation abounded ... to ... members of the general staff". This will consolidate all the information on his promotion into one paragraph.
 * 5) *Following on from the last comment, add the line removed from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph, since the fourth will now deal with his actual command of the vessel. This may require a little rewriting so it fits.
 * 6) *Not an objection - regarding the BTS info on the origination of Ozzel's first name - this link may be useful to you as it confirms the existance of the Danny Kendall character in the series, and a small piece on his relationship with Sheard's character. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **I've done some of it, but the rest will have to wait until this evening. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:09, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Having been busy all week, I'll try to get this done tomorrow night. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:51, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:22, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "However, the depiction of Vader's recovery here contradicts that shown in Star Wars Empire 14: The Savage Heart." - Vader: The Ultimate Guide has the Scoundrel's Luck events take place right after Vader is picked up from Vaal (in fact, Sodarra from SL is the one who recovers him from Vaal), so I don't think this is true. - Lord Hydronium 21:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wasn't aware of that. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:27, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wait, it still contradicts Ozzel's command of the Reprisal at this time. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:30, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that part's fine to mention, but Vader's recovery isn't contradictory, is what I'm saying. Or at least not between those two sources. - Lord Hydronium 23:02, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * So I only have to remove that one line then, right? No problem. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:23, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Satal Keto

 * Nominated by: —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 01:44, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Brought to you by the 1980's classic version of Tommy9281. Enjoy!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose

Comments
 * Before anyone says anything, he is referred to by first name all throughout because it couldn't be done any other way. Also, the first quote of the article is formatted that way to depict Satal listening to the news report as opposed to having a conversation with someone.  —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 02:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Montross

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The voice of Clancy Brown compels you.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Very Crowded Desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "When a young boy called Jango Fett joined the Mandalorians and became like a son to Mereel, Montross grew enraged at Mereel's favoritism and contemptuous of Fett." This sentence just reads awkwardly to me.
 * 3) * You use "supposedly" twice in the first sentence of the second paragraph.
 * 4) * "When they arrived, the resistance proved not to be minimal." Too corny, IMO.
 * 5) * How did Sebolto kill himself?
 * 6) * You start two consecutive sentences with "as" in the same paragraph.
 * 7) *Mandos were better before Traviss.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:02, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Resolved all of those. Except Traviss. :P - Lord Hydronium 10:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Images are coming. The infobox image will get replaced with a headshot when that happens, too. - Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Aris-Del Wari

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First pure-infant FA?

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 12:42, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 14:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Brilliant.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:18, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) That baby picture is certifiably creepy. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:14, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I can think of creepier ones. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:22, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) A wonderful article about a too young and important individual. -- Delmar Nori 00:47, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Ackbar:
 * 2) * "One month later, the recovering Jonava was discovered, and she eventually discovered what had happened to her child." Two "discovered"s in close proximity, please reword.
 * 3) **I actually reworded this a little bit when I was going through it. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:39, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * And we get another "discovered" in the next sentence. :-P
 * 5) **Is that now diffused by Top's "learned" in the earlier sentence? :P
 * 6) *That's all. Interesting and well-written article, though I do hate the term "Republic Classic Era." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:39, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Sorry. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Toprawa:
 * 9) * This sentence doesn't make sense to me. It would seem that the show would rightfully encourage more protests, so it had the desired effect. Please reword a little it: "Even after the airing of the Essence episode, active protesting failed to halt."
 * 10) **Yes...that makes utterly no sense. :S Changed.
 * 11) * If you don't feel comfortable putting a 1st Appearance tag, then please at least put a 1st mention tag. That would still be appropriate. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:39, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Yah, in there now. Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * There's no "1st" template there, because I don't know how the hell you can tell between what appears in HNN and what is mentioned. If someone could upscale the main image a bit, that'd be great. Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm surprised Supreme Chancellor Palpatine wasn't in this plot. Of course he could take advantage of this episode against the Jedi, but obviously without being interested on the baby and her mother's benefit. After all, the child could be easily murdered during the Order 66. -- Delmar Nori 00:59, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Kouhun

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 12:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,047 1,117 words.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:04, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) *In the intro - the term "less fatal" is used to describe the Kouhun's tail sting, but in the main body it is refered to as non-lethal. "Less fatal" is confusing in this instance, and should be reworded.
 * 3) **Well, nonfatal is less fatal than fatal. :P I changed it. - Lord Hydronium 22:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "Centipedelike" is, in fact, a canon description. - Lord Hydronium 12:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Darcc

 * Nominated by: 16:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: In tribute to one of the key factors which is responsible for me being here: SWGB. Also, how can you not love the infobox image? :D

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very nice - didn't realise they tied him into Dark Lord. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:00, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I'm loving the infobox pic :P  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:13, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 11:42, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * The opening quote - is that a typo? Is Maff supposed to be Moff? I'm assuming it is from the context of the article, but I would like to be sure.
 * 3) **Yep, typo. Fixed.
 * 4) * He began his service on the planet, and rose through the ranks to become governor of the planet. Consider rewording or removing the second "planet" to avoid repetition.
 * 5) **Removed.
 * 6) * After destroying a collection of three signal jammers - some context on this is needed. Did Darcc set them up or were they already in place, etc.
 * 7) **While largely unknown who set them up, I did expand some
 * 8) * Chewbacca's "ritual blades" - are these Ryyk blades or are they not specified?
 * 9) **Unspecified. Also, changed "ritual" to "Wookiee melee".
 * 10) * Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:46, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **I hope everything is to your liking. 03:04, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) "An ambitious man, Darcc was an Imperial officer, captain, governor, and later Moff." - This seems a bit overzealous, since, and correct me if I'm wrong, Moffs were governors, and captains are officers.
 * 13) *The game states that Darcc was governor before becoming Moff. Yes, Moffs are governors, but of sectors/systems (IIRC), and he was just governor of a planet (Kashyyyk). That being said, would a qualifier to what type of governor he was work? And I've removed "officer", as it is indeed redundant. 19:54, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) "Using the amounts of technology on Kashyyyk as well as his status as governor," - I feel this could be worded a bit better..."amounts of energy" just seems a bit odd. Thefourdotelipsis 12:49, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *"Amounts of energy" isn't even in the sentence :P. In all seriousness, I've reworded with "Using the vast Imperial resources at hand on Kashyyyk as well as his position as planetary governor...". Part of the problem with that wording was an attempt not to copy verbatim the in-game text. Also, broke up your statements for easier addressing. Hope you don't mind ;) 19:54, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **I do mind. :| Lists are urine from the last leper in hell, you should know that by now. :P Thefourdotelipsis 11:42, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Well over the 1,000 word limit (last I checked, it was around 1,233) 16:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Davish Krail

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:50, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I don't care where you're from, chinstrap neglect = badassery.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:59, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * 1) Is there anything you could say about how he kept his helmet for years in the P&T (sentimental value, perhaps)? I suspect that's OR though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:44, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes, it would be. Thefourdotelipsis 11:44, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Zaerdra

 * Nominated by: Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And to think I said to myself "no more character FAs" only yesterday...

(1 Users/0 Inqs/1 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * This is a minor problem but the "100% lightside" tab blocks the other picture. It looks sloppy in my opinion. If thats resolved then I'll vote for it. NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:03, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Normally, such a speculation about a character's death would be verboten, but seeing as it was likely a result of the bombardment of Taris, it wouldn't seem too out-of-place. 1,103 words by last count.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Darth Wyyrlok (III)

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: See...I'm not totally biased against Legacy...

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From a guy who isn't at all biased against Legacy:
 * 2) * Darth Talon didn't report to Krayt that Cade had healing powers, Moff Rus did. Change this, but don't forget that it was Talon who informed Krayt that Cade existed.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) *Only Nihl defeated Cade. Talon was disarmed and defeated by Skywalker. Change this appropriately.
 * 5) **Is this clear in the comic? It looks like Talon is moving her arm, using the Force against him or something...am I missing some visual clue?
 * 6) ***They're dueling, Cade has the upper hand against Talon, and Nihl interrupts the duel by Force choking Cade. Talon had nothing to do with Cade's defeat.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "...which was a Yuuzhan Vong torture device." "Which was"" isn't needed and makes the sentence seem like you're reading it to a child.
 * 9) **Removed.
 * 10) *"Former Senator Gial Gahan had been implicated in aiding the Galactic Alliance with the theft, and so Krayt had him arrested." The latter part of the sentence doesn't read right.
 * 11) **Could you clarify that a bit more, please? I'm not seeing what's wrong there.
 * 12) ***It just feels like it's missing something in the latter part of the sentence. Maybe just put after it, "for the crime," something around those lines.
 * 13) ****I feel that would make the sentence a tad unwieldy. I'm afraid I just don't agree here. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * I think you could make a short P&A section for Wyyrlok, since he is, after all, the master of Sith lore and magic in Krayt's order.
 * 15) **It'd be a sentence at most...I think that 27 will probably give me enough to deal with in that regard, but at the moment it'd be rather paltry and...ugly.
 * 16) ***Hmmmm.....I don't know how it would look. I'll try to see if I can write one, and see how it looks after that. I'll strike the objection though. Darthchristian 16:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) *Great article, Fourdot. Darthchristian 02:33, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Great article, but I'd like to see two minor additions. It should be mentioned that he hoped his daughter would become the next Wyyrlok, and I think mention should be made that he was to only Sith who knew of Krayt's true identity. Other than that it's excellent. Kudos for using "Krayt was not pleased." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:31, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Got the daughter thing in the P/T, and...are you sure about the Hett knowledge thing? Is that stipulated in the comic? I must have missed it. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***I believe it is, but I certainly could be wrong. I've got one thing for you: "He then dismissed them, before openly stating that the "Fel" he had just killed was actually a double. After reprimanding his head of intelligence, Darth Maladi, for failing to detect the ruse, he dismissed everyone but Wyyrlok." I'm a bit confused about the dismissing people twice thing. Did he dismiss just the Moffs the first time? A little clarification would help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:52, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ****Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ****The identity thing was actually an assumption on my part, though a mention of how Krayt trusted him with it -- but not the other Sith -- in the P&T would be good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *****Maybe I'm not following, or maybe I missed something critical in the comic, but is there anything that says that the other Sith don't know about the Hett thing? It might have been in an issue I didn't read or something...I dunno. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Daye Azur-Jamin

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 18:59, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:15, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think precedent demands putting Image:Njo_dayeazur-jamin.jpg in the infobox, since it's the most recent canonical headshot and the one that's there is essentially the same quality. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm seeing plenty of FAs that don't use the most recent canonical image, because there are other images more suitable for the infobox. This seems a similar case to me. The AJ image is more detailed, he's not wearing a hood, and he's looking at the "camera." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:34, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Eh, fair enough. It just seems a bit overloaded as it is, and the current infobox image is redundant if you keep Image:OnlyDroidsServeTheMaker-title-AJ10p16.jpg in there. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:48, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * More images are on the way. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The only question I have is...was he or was he not redeemed?-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 09:40, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Read the BtS; it's an RPG scenario, and it's up to the gamemaster/players if he's redeemed or if they have to kill him. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:02, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Dhol

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Alan Moore is weird. - Lord Hydronium 03:39, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:16, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Superb.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:13, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:21, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * "Dhol existed in a huge, transparent globe, which hovered several meters above the ground without the use of visible repulsorlifts." -Huge? In relation to what? "There were hordes of "rings" built into the board, and players could use a set of controls to activate certain rings, which would produce a tall column of fire, destroying whatever piece was on the ring at the time." - Hordes of rings? Really? I'm sure there's a better collective. "She entered into a bargain with the Guild of Vindicators, a cult known for their eye-for-an-eye beliefs and mysterious powers, who wished to examine Vader's conscience and eliminate him for his numerous bad deeds." - "Bad deeds" is POV. Thefourdotelipsis 09:46, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Are there any more details about why she wanted to kill Vader?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:58, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, unfortunately. My theory is that she wanted him killed so she would be the best Firepath player in the galaxy, but there's no evidence of that in the comic. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:07, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't think you would overlook that. Nice theory though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:13, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Jes Gistang

 * Nominated by: -- Darthchristian 20:05, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,052 words, last time I checked. From WookieeProject Legacy Era.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Ackbar:
 * 2) *"Threatened as a young woman" could do with some explanation, if there is any.
 * 3) **There is no explanation.
 * 4) *"She guided Trask and gave him tips to help him survive among the stormtroopers, and even sympathized with the noob." -- this reads a bit informally, and I'd like to see the "noob" either go or be properly explained.
 * 5) **Took it out.
 * 6) *"However, when Lieutenant Gil Cassel informed the 407th that they would be participating in a battle against the 908th, fellow stormtroopers, on Borosk for joining disposed Emperor Roan Fel, she quickly disagreed with the mission, and even argued that the 407th should join Fel themselves" -- couple of issues with this. Firstly, the "however" seems like it's just been thrown in; nothing to the contrary is said in the previous sentence. Also, the whole section from "the 908th" to "Roan Fel" reads a little awkwardly; please rejig it to see if you can get it to read better. Lastly, I think "deposed" is the word you're looking for :-P
 * 7) **All of the above, fixed.
 * 8) *First sentence of the bio could do we a little work; "born and redheaded Corellian" and "after being given a bad set of alternatives that she considered to be worse than becoming a stormtrooper" read poorly.
 * 9) **First part, fixed. Second part, gone.
 * 10) *"Gistang and the rest of Joker Squad were then put into action" could be reworded to read a little better.
 * 11) **Changed to, "thrust into action," and moved to the beginning of the next section.
 * 12) *"After Darth Maleval was dispatched by Emperor Darth Krayt make sure the 407th didn't defect themselves, Joker Squad was then sent to Borosk" -- I'm not sure this is accurate. IIRC, Maleval was there all along.
 * 13) **You're right, so I redid that sentence.
 * 14) *"At first assigned to capture the 908th's base, the soldiers fought bravely and showed no interest to join Fel" -- this is missing a word or something, and also contradicts what was stated earlier in the article: at least Gistang had shown an interest.
 * 15) **Contradiction gone.
 * 16) *"Gistang played an important part in the battle, cutting paths with the large weapon she used, and inflicting large amounts of damage" -- I already cleaned up this sentence a bit, but what exactly was she damaging? Buildings, enemies, vehicles? Please clarify.
 * 17) **Clarified it as, "enemy targets."
 * 18) *"However, with every four shots, she needed to replace her power pak, making her carry large amounts of it" -- last part of this could be cleaned up a fair bit.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) *The bit about the stormtrooper about to kill her should come before the bit about Trask killing him.
 * 21) **Sentence redone.
 * 22) *"Gistang noticed, however, Trask deep..." -- per my comment above about the however; also, please clarify about Trask's father&mdash;was he dead, still alive, or what? It's quite unclear at the minute.
 * 23) **Noob doesn't clarify. I'm keeping it as it is.
 * 24) *"Soon enough..." -- this all happens rather suddenly; last I knew, they were resting for the night. Please add in something to make the transition less sudden.
 * 25) **Changed.
 * 26) *"insulted him, which resulted in him being Force pushed to the ground" -- aside from the rhyming, it ought to be clarified that Maleval did the pushing.
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) *Last paragraph of the bio reads quite poorly, and could do with cleaning up.
 * 29) **Cleaned up.
 * 30) *Decent article, but it seems as if it was rushed; lots of missing words, awkward phrasing, and casual wording. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:15, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **I rushed the copyedit, so that may be why. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 21:19, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

Ragez D'Asta

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 02:42, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The most important Imperial you've never heard of.

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 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) *No indication of his sex/species in the intro/article?
 * 3) *"D'Asta commanded his armada in an attack on Ord Cantrell, headquarters of the Council." Why? Was this in response to his daughter's arrest? If so, please clarify.
 * 4) *In the first paragraph of the article body you mention that he had business dealings with Jahren Sinn. Please elaborate, if possible.
 * 5) *"D'Asta last saw his daughter in 6 ABY." This sentence kind of just hangs there with no clear import or meaning. Please consider revising.
 * 6) *Your use of inline citations in between dashes and words looks a bit unsightly. Is there a way you could remedy this?
 * 7) *This is sort of unclear: "One of the members of the Council, Xandel Carivus, sought to take over." Take over what, precisely?
 * 8) *"Carivus left one of his admirals to deal with D'Asta." This could use a bit of expansion, if possible; why did he do this? What concerns did Carivus have about D'Asta?.
 * 9) *I would like to see this sentence broken up, elaborating on the "multiple dangers" faced by the Empire and the battle itself. "With the Imperial Navy scattered due to the multiple dangers the Empire faced, D'Asta's fleet decimated the Imperial fleet, breaking the defenses over Ord Cantrell and driving what ships remained into retreat."
 * 10) *From the second paragraph of the Battle of Ord Cantrell section: "Kir Kanos, one of the Emperor's Royal Guard"; shouldn't this be "formerly of the Emperor's Royal Guard"? If so, this needs to be corrected throughout the article.
 * 11) *You mention Grappa the Hutt late in the body as being behind his daughter's kidnapping, yet when you first mention it, you say it was a plot by Black Sun. If it was indeed Grappa who was the mastermind behind that, then you should state this initially, rather than bringing him in later.
 * 12) *From the P&T: "Baron D'Asta was respected amongst Imperials, including the members of the Interim Council." Why?
 * 13) *"D'Asta was pro-Imperial and a supporter of Emperor Palpatine, aghast when he learned of the conspiracy to end the Emperor's life." This reads kind of...meh. Please consider revising.
 * 14) *TIMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:21, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

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Kneesaa a Jari Kintaka

 * Nominated by: Delmar Nori 04:14, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: There's a nice history about the young Princess of Bright Tree Village. So, the time has come. Good luck, Your Highness!

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 * 1) Ref tags in the intro.-- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 09:26, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed. Darthchristian 16:31, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Intro's way too short given the size of the article. There's also some serious grammatical problems in the second paragraph, as well as POV ("lovely"). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Fixed, though it was one of the hardest intro's I've written. Darthchristian 17:13, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:ASha Kneesaa.jpg should source to the actual episode. -LtNOWIS 16:31, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Fixed. Darthchristian 16:40, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) De-link quotes please.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:40, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Done. Darthchristian 21:56, 26 June 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) The Anvil
 * 2) *Name needs to be un-referenced. I would do it, but I don't want to mess up the rest of your refs.
 * 3) **Done. -- Delmar Nori 11:38, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *First mentions of subjects (ie. people, places, etc.), need to be pipelinked upon their first mention.
 * 5) *That being said, make sure there is no over linking (ie. one link to each subject in the intro,& one link to each subject in the article, again upon first mention).
 * 6) *First paragraph of "Childhood" could stand a rewrite, including first explaining who Ra-Lee and Asha are. I think I gather they are the mother & sister, but if this is so, it needs to be said.
 * 7) *Chief Chirpa also needs to be explained.
 * 8) *When did all this happen? The first paragraph of the article (not the intro) should give some sort of indication of the time period.
 * 9) *Ditto for the second paragraph of "Childhood". Explain these new characters instead of assuming the reader has preexisting familiarity with them.
 * 10) *In "First Attack of the Phlogs", what was the Council's decision?
 * 11) *Un-pipelink all names in quotes & images. Each of these things should already be pipelinked within the article, thus making them redundant and therefore unnecessary in the quotes & images.
 * 12) *In "Making magic potions", You start the first sentence off by talking about the Duloks, of which you have yet to explain. Please do so.
 * 13) *Same thing with Chukha-Trok.
 * 14) *I'm guessing that the hibernating creature was the Kradak? If so, it should be better worded so as not to force the reader into "guessing".
 * 15) *You have her inconsistently as either "Kneesaa" or "Princess Kneesaa". Choose one, please.
 * 16) *Mount Sorrow section could use a more creative heading.
 * 17) *Too many "after"s in first paragraph of said section.
 * 18) *In the "The first R2-D2 and C-3PO arriving" section, what is this "interplanetary war" you speak of?
 * 19) *Same section: what is an Ibleam? please explain this.
 * 20) *What is the "Alzarian/Sooman conflict? If this is that interplanetary war you were speaking of, please name & explain it at its first mention.
 * 21) *"With the Fleebogs" section is only a two-sentenced, one-paragraph section. Should be merged with another.
 * 22) *While you're at it, explain the Fleebogs' significance please.
 * 23) *There will be more. I will finish later. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 07:52, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Massacre at Ossus

 * Nominated By: Darthchristian 20:32, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination Comments: Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era, much obliged to Dookurules338.

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 * 1) No BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *How'd I miss that!? Well, whatever, its written now. Darthchristian 22:08, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the Forest of Goodwood, within dwells someone who has not read Legacy...
 * 4) *Introduction tree:
 * 5) **There seems to be a bit of tense confusion here: "Krayt believed that in order for his coup to be successful, he must first eliminate any potential threats to his rule&mdash;thus, he reasoned, the Jedi Order had to be destroyed."
 * 6) **The entire second half of the first intro paragraph, starting with "Krayt believed..." needs to be rewritten for conciseness and clarity.
 * 7) **The first two sentences of the second intro paragraph are essentially repeats of the previous two.
 * 8) **POV: "overwhelming might" in the second intro paragraph. Better to say "superior numbers of..."
 * 9) **"Few Padawans were able to escape in Jedi Shuttles." Fragmentary. Please revise.
 * 10) **The last two sentences of the intro also need a complete rewrite for conciseness and clarity. In addition, the intro needs to be reworked in order to provide more details of the battle and its history.
 * 11) *Prelude roots:
 * 12) **"Much of the Galactic Alliance was absorbed into the Empire at the end of the Sith-Imperial War, but the reigning Emperor, Roan Fel, knew that while the Alliance had surrendered, the Jedi would stay true to the will of the Force." This doesn't really make sense to someone who hasn't read the Legacy comics. Please elaborate on these concepts, breaking up the sentence as necessary.
 * 13) **These two sentences are just...horrible. "Unknown to him was that, that relationship between his Empire and the Jedi Order could never happen. The Jedi would never be loyal to an Empire supporting Siths, something Darth Krayt knew and one of the main reasons he planned the Massacre"
 * 14) **They're also barely on the near side of POV; in addition, these concepts too need to be elaborated for someone who has not read the Legacy comics.
 * 15) **What level? Please explain: "What Fel did not count on was that the Sith would intervene at a lower level than his."
 * 16) **This, again, needs to be better explained, and referenced appropriately: "Their leader, Darth Krayt, had known the Jedi from decades previous and knew that even if they agreed to work with Fel, they would never accept the direction that Krayt intended to take the galaxy."
 * 17) **Fragment, please revise: "The Jedi would never even allow a Sith as Emperor so if his vision of order was to be fulfilled, the Jedi had to die to the last being."
 * 18) **Surely there's a better way to word this: "Lest he be made to appear an idiot later, Veed agreed to countermand Fel's order and make it look like his own idea."
 * 19) *Massacre trunk
 * 20) **Please explain why there were Yuuzhan Vong warriors and shapers at the Academy. Remember, not everyone has read Legacy. "Many Jedi were killed, along with numerous Yuuzhan Vong warriors and shapers who were present at the time of the attack."
 * 21) **If possible, please give details as to how the attack played out. How did hostilities initiate? By what means did the Sith/Imperial forces land troops? How did the Jedi defend themselves? Remember, this is a battle article, and thus such details are vital.
 * 22) **Who is this guy? Please elaborate, both on who he is and how he was wounded. "to take Master Sazen"
 * 23) **This could be reworded better: "The ensuing dogfight with a number of enemy Predator-class fighters witnessed the apparent death of Cade.
 * 24) *Aftermath branches:
 * 25) **Please merge these two sentences or elaborate each, giving details on the first insofar as what kind of casualties were suffered: "The Sith suffered their own casualties, along with the Imperial forces. But the attack was not the all-destroying blow Krayt had wished."
 * 26) **OR and POV. Please reword and properly reference, or eliminate entirely: "Not only had Krayt made Darth Sidious's mistake again, but he had been far less comprehensive in destroying the order than Sidious had been."
 * 27) **Repetitive, please reword or remove: "Krayt had not been patient for the rest of the Order to arrive on Ossus."
 * 28) **A very bold statement considering what you reference it with. I'd even go so far as to call it OR: "This, however, proved to still be somewhat an efficient move, as Cade would leave the Order because of his father's death, and this event would drag him closer to the dark side, ultimately making him a Sith."
 * 29) *Bts leaves:
 * 30) **The Bts is pretty bare-bones at the moment. Perhaps you could detail some of the flashbacks, mentioning what issues they appear in, and what is depicted in them.
 * 31) *Closing tree:
 * 32) **Please check your linking, making sure to provide links where needed and eliminating overlinking (one link each in the infobox and/or introduction and/or body in all cases).
 * 33) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:43, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought Greyman wrote this... -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't look, but he said he worked very hard on it. He asked me to nom it because he's new, since newbies cant edit this page. Darthchristian 21:58, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Dookurules made 4 edits, amounting to fewer than 2000 bytes, to answer your question.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:48, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Hmm....okay. Darthchristian 16:54, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Elassar Targon

 * Nominated By: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 06:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination Comments: More! More Wraiths!

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