Wookieepedia:April Fools' Day 2012/Tom Servo

"I am Servotron, destroyer of worlds!"

- Tom Servo

Tom Servo was a powerful super-genius droid who took over oversight of the Galactic Republic from G0-T0 sometime before the rise of Palpatine. (The exact year doesn't matter. It's just a Wookieepedia fanon article. You should really just relax.)

For millennia, G0-T0 struggled to fulfill his ancient programming to maintain the stability of the Republic, but at last, he succumbed to the ravages of age and sought out a replacement. He discovered Tom Servo lying in pieces deep under Coruscant in a box marked "hamdingers" and had the droid transported to M4-78 and reassembled. Servo's words upon reactivation were: "Happy birthday! Hey, fellas, who's up for conquering the universe? Anybody? How about some Parcheesi?" G0-T0 passed on the entirety of his programming to Servo and charged him with the protection of the Galactic Republic until the end of time. Servo's super-sophisticated brain absorbed all of G0-T0's programming with room to spare, and he set to work.

Biography
"Frankly, I don't see a problem. I've just surrounded myself with an endless horde of mindless disciples ready to go forth and do my bidding. I guess I don't see a downside."

- Tom Servo

Tom Servo grew tired of the HK-50 droids assigned to carry out his wishes. Instead, he set his droid factories to work making identical copies of himself. The Servos became very irritable around each other, grumbling at the orders of their leader, making snippy remarks, and eventually just ignoring their orders and lounging around M4-78's employee break rooms. Frustrated with his duplicates' laziness, Servo began paying less and less attention to his core programming of protecting the Republic and instead began watching horrible movies downloaded from the HoloNet.

One night Tom Servo watched the worst movie ever made, Manos: The Hands of Fate, and his droid brain broke beyond repair. He fled his droid planet and took up a life of petty crime on Tatooine. Without the supervision and manipulation of a massive droid brain, the Republic soon fell into corruption, anarchy, and fell prey to Palpatine's power play.

Tom Servo worked in a Tatooine cheese factory for several years, working on the side smuggling holovids, forging IDs, and tending to his disturbingly large underwear collection, which he kept in a warehouse in Mos Eisley. He spent his spare time in the local cantina, where he took up with a bad crowd, including the likes of Greedo, Zuckuss, IG-88, Ponda Baba, and Kardashian... Kasabian... Kartajena... the Devaronian guy. They planned a heist together, which went sour, and Servo was the only one identified by the authorities. A sizable bounty was put on Servo's head, prompting him to go into hiding among a group of Jawas.

"Guys, why is it so hard to accept the fact that time is not an immutable forward progression, but a factor in a space-time model of relativistic causality and determinism? Huh? Guys? Hello?"

- Tom Servo, to a group of power droids

Stashed in the Jawas' sandcrawler, Servo spent his spare time making friends with his fellow scavenged droids and watching more bad movies, taking time out every now and them to discuss philosophy, science, the meaning of life, or the mysteries of human behavior. But luck was not on his side. The sandcrawler was intercepted by Imperial stormtroopers, and Servo deactivated himself and played dead to avoid being identified. The stormtroopers did not check his bounty, but pictures of him leaked onto bounty hunting channels, leading Boba Fett to take an interest.

Genuinely spooked now (and in fact crying softly to himself), Servo fled Tatooine on a makeshift freighter he dubbed the Satellite of Love. He led Boba Fett on a chase across the galaxy, but was eventually caught, turned in, mind-wiped, disassembled, placed in a box marked "hamdingers," and thrown into the underlevels of Coruscant once again.

Appearances

 * Mystery Science Theater 3000
 * TROOPS
 * Tom Servo article on Darthipedia