Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles. A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;not be tagged due to an excessive number of redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Darth Malak

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:18, 20 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Drewton and I have worked on this article for a while, and I believe it's ready to be considered a good article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:22, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thats all I can see that other people haven't objected to. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:48, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) It's looking good! 04:18, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 01:08, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) -  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 17:55, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] (Imperial Intelligence)  22:13, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Cylka  -talk- 10:00, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the pages of NaruHina's Death Note
 * 2) *It seems OK but:
 * 3) * The him being in the Old Republic Era in the Infobox is not sourced
 * 4) * The language base in the Bts is unsourced
 * 5) **"While such a name might seem incongruous with Darth Malak's role as Sith Lord, he could be seen as a fallen angel due to his Jedi beginnings." I think this should be sourced as another opinion may be that he sees himelf as a divine messenger or something. There are many ways that "angel" and "messenger to God" can go.
 * 6) **Actually got rid of that, it just states what the actual name means in Hebrew and Arabic, have sources.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:35, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * There is a Fact tag in the Bts.
 * 8) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:15, 16 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * One last thing, the succession box is not sourced. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:07, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *Took care of it, sourced now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:03, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * NaruHina Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:20, 21 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) Quotes in prose, speculation rampant in BtS, bullets in BtS, tiny paragraphs. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:19, 21 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Long taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:08, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) There's quotes in the middle of sections, that's against MoS the double and triple refs aren't needed, some sections are just way too short, mainly article prose problems. It would also be good idea to copyedit the article, there are numerous grammatical errors. Watch for POV in the article, the intro, P&T, and P&A have loads of it in their respective sections. Also, the BtS, needs to be rid of speculation, bullets, then expanded with stuff that can be sourced, IE: interviews, actions figures, etc. DC 01:30, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *Long taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:08, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) It's IFYLOFD!:
 * 17) * More info on the "devices" in the intro.
 * 18) **Adressed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:36, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Is there an article on Darth Revan's flagship? If so, add a link to it in the intro.
 * 20) **Fixed, also linked in the body. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:53, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * "The Sith Lord corrupted Shan, who he had once considered a threat, and made her his apprentice, replacing the slain Darth Bandon, whom Revan had killed." Reword and/or split up this sentence.
 * 22) **Adressed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:34, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * Context needed on Deesra Luur Jada and Lucien Draay.
 * 24) **Done. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:09, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * More info on the "discovery" made by Adasca.
 * 26) *Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:45, 17 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Context for Krynda Draay and Xamar.
 * 28) *I think it's fixed, check it out.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:22, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Unsourced statements in BtS.  IFYLOFD  ( And now, young Skywalker, you will die. ) 01:50, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *Fixed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:45, 17 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) Cylka:
 * 32) * The infobox needs to be sourced correctly. Also any additional text in or out of parenthesis needs to either sourced separately or written before the ref notes, whichever the case may be.
 * 33) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * The Star Forge wasn't just a superweapon, but also a space-based factory or spacestation. I think it would be worth mentioning that.
 * 35) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Was Malak helping Zayne in trying to apprehend Gryph? I thought that he was looking for Zayne at the behest of Lucien Draay and found him after Gryph got away. I could be wrong, but please check this out.
 * 37) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Give a little more info on how Zayne ended up on the Legacy. You mention that Zayne started a diversion, but no one knows how or why he got there.
 * 39) * Please give a little more context to how Zayne ended up on Jebble and they had to rescue him again. Just a sentence will do. Something like In light of certain events on Taris, Zayne traveled to Jebble where he was once again in need of assistance.
 * 40) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * Please remove any quotes in the prose. From what I understand quotes or partial quotes can only be found in Bts, while quote templates only at the beginning of sections.
 * 42) *Those quotes in the BTS section are somewhat necessary, I feel, since they are from James Ohlen and John Jackson Miller, respectively. The quote from Ohlen is from Malak's databank entry, while the partial quote from Miller is from the letters section of Knights of the Old Republic #29. We can't just ignore those quotes.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:31, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * Make sure that "master" is capitalized when referring to them by name or Jedi Master. I changed some of them, but I'm not sure I got them all.
 * 44) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:04, 23 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * It was not long before rumors began to spread that Malak's apprentice, who would be known as Darth Bandon, would challenge him for the right to rule, as was the manner of the Sith. The result of this revolt, however, is unknown. Other Sith only wondered about this. Bandon didn't form a revolt. He was killed before he could - according to the databank. This needs to be changed.
 * 46) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * Malak was a pale-skinned human who stood an impressive two meters in height. What is the ref, for his height. Cylka  -talk- 01:19, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * There seem to be some linking issues throughout the article. As I understand it, in articles each linkable subject should have one link each in the intro, main body, image caption, and infobox.
 * 50) **I've taken care of the excessive linking.
 * 51) *Its looking good, but still needs a little work. Cylka  -talk- 23:40, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * There are some POV and speculation issues throughout the article. As soon as everyone's objections have been satisfied, I'll sign off on the article as well. Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 16:41, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) The sources in the "Sources" section are not listed in the order of their release --Jinzler 22:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:57, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) Time for Darth Cav to wade in:
 * 56) * Intro - mention should be made of his taking advantage of the Jedi Strike Team's actions, and Revan's survival, although he believed him to be dead.
 * 57) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Intro - It would not be long until the new Dark Lord of the Sith was proven wrong. Proven wrong about what?
 * 59) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * Jedi Padawan - Is there an article for Malak's village on Quelli? If so, it should be linked to.
 * 61) *There is no such article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) **I've created a redlink for this, since it deserves an article. - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 17:54, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **Long taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:27, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Jedi Padawan - According to Deesra Luur Jada, a Twi'lek Jedi, Alek was trained at the Jedi Enclave located on Dantooine. If this is true, then there is no need for this statement to be quantified by Jada's statement. It should just read that he was trained on Dantooine.
 * 65) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Captured at Flashpoint - Context is need on the Last Resort and her crew upon first mention.
 * 67) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - What is an exogorth? Context please.
 * 69) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Context is need on who Karath is upon first mention, and why he is at the meeting.
 * 71) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Camper should be introduced earlier in the bio (around the mention of the Last Resort in the previous section), and his involvement in the exogorth project should be made clear from the beginning.
 * 72) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Earlier, Zayne Carrick had boarded the Legacy with Admiral Karath, Carth Onasi, and Dallan Morvis after they had escaped on the Deadweight, Onasi's ship, from Karath's command ship when the Mandalorians boarded it after the devastating events of the battle at Serroco. Run on sentence. Consider breaking up and revising.
 * 73) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - When Carrick, who was dressed in Rohlan's spare armor that had been given to him earlier by Mandalore, started a diversion - who was the armor given to? Did Mandalore give it to Rohlan or Carrick? Its a little unclear.
 * 75) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Context is needed on who the Moomo brothers are.
 * 77) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Is there an article for the Mandalorian invasion of Taris? If so, it needs to be linked to.
 * 79) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * Against the Jedi Covenant - Context on who Shel Jelavan is upon first mention.
 * 81) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * The final battles - You mention Malak's rapid promotion through the Republic ranks twice.
 * 83) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * In search of the Star Forge - Context on who the Rakata/ Infinite Empire are.
 * 85) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * Betraying the Master - Are there articles that can be linked to for the Jedi strike team, and their assault on Revan's flagship?
 * 87) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * The Search for Bastila - Although his stratagems and tactics centered around brute force, and were, as the droid G0-T0 would tell the Jedi Exile many years later, "painfully obvious," I don't think this needs to include references to G0-T0 or the Exile since they are not connected to Malak. Plus, it is opinion from one character rather than fact.
 * 89) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * The Search for Bastila - Who are Bastila's rescuers? Reference should be made, especially as one of them is Revan. This information should be included before Malak's discovery of Revan's survival.
 * 91) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * The Search for Bastila - Did Nord actually know that one of Bastila's rescuers was Revan?
 * 93) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * The Search for Bastila - Mention should be made that Malak took Jedi prisoners during his attack on Dantooine for later use on the Star Forge.
 * 95) * The Star Forge - Some of the information on the Forge's construction process should be included earlier on, when the Star Forge is first introduced, to better explain how Revan and Malak controlled a vast armada.
 * 96) * The Star Forge - Context on how the Republic found the Star Forge is needed. Also, a link to the battle is needed.
 * 97) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * Legacy - Context needed for G0-T0 and Mical.
 * 99) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) * Legacy - Malak caused, in comparison to his master's thought-out goals, would forever paint Malak as a tyrannical monster who, despite all his attempts to gain absolute power, was ultimately inferior in every aspect compared to Revan. This is bordering on NPOV in my opinion, especially the "ultimate inferior" part.
 * 101) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) * Years needed to be sourced in the succession box.
 * 103) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * Check the entire article for instances of first names being used in place of surnames - surnames should be used for formality. I understand the possible reason for not using Alek's surname, and I hold no real objection to it so it could remain as such, but others may disagree on that one. - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 11:04, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) Muuuuuurgh:
 * 107) * The claim that Malak can be transformed into a Twi'lek dancer at the end of Knights of the Old Republic should be a bit more detailed--exactly how might a player go about the task of doing so? Wookieepedia is not a gaming site, however, I feel that a description is worth including for the purposes of informing readers who would like to verify this claim. I imagine that describing the process might be disruptive to the rest of the BTS section, so its probably best to keep the description of the process confined to the references section.
 * 108) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) * Although I appreciate that a page number was given, it should be specified which article in Star Wars Insider 100 was the basis for the first paragraph of "The final battles" section, as well as the statement that Darth Bandon's "quest for power had set him apart from his fellow students" in "The search for Bastila" section.
 * 110) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) * Related to the previous objection, the as-of-yet unidentified article from Star Wars Insider 100 should be included in the Sources section.
 * 112) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * The claim that Malak was a Jedi Guardian is sourced only to the Wizards website and does not specify where on that website one can find this information. --Muuuuuurgh 08:55, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) The very beginning needs a bit of work. You shouldn't start by calling him Alek Sqwhatever, but just Alek. There's no reason to doubt Alek's comments - "He claimed that people from Quelii..." - so they should be taken as fact. Mention his nickname after the first sentence, too. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:15, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) Cylka, part deux:
 * 118) * There are numerous instances of ref notes written before punctuation. Please go through the article and correct this. The same goes for quotation marks. Commas and periods always go inside quotation marks.
 * 119) *Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) * Again there are problems of over/underlinking. Please read through the article carefully. Make sure you avoid creating new issues when fixing objections.
 * 121) * In the Legacy section, I'm not sure you can say that Mical is a former Jedi, since he is re-trained by the Exile.
 * 122) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:40, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) * There still are some POV issues, such as with the word "very." Please go through again.
 * 124) * The third paragraph in the P/T is bordering on copyright infringement of the CG, so I would suggest rewriting it a bit more.
 * 125) *I think I took care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:02, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) * and could also use it to cancel a Force-user's active powers - In the P/A, this sounds a bit too much like game mechanics, and should be rewritten. Also you are citing many of his Force powers to the game, but we aren't sure exactly of all of the powers he had since we couldn't play his character and see his statistics. Please double check that.
 * 127) *When I play the game, he usually activates the "Force Immunity" power after drawing his lightsaber. Also, I'm not entirely sure how I could write that without sounding like it's game mechanics, since he did use that power both in-game and according to the CG. And of course, if you prolong the duel, he'll use such powers as Force leap, Force speed, Force Suppression, though I think he uses the Breach power as well.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:40, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) *Just a little bit more, Kasra. It's almost done. :-) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 07:54, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) Toprawa:
 * 130) * Source list needs to be in correct order. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:03, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 131) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:35, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) Jinzler
 * 133) * You need to add info on Malak from Timeline 1: Treaty of Coruscant --Jinzler 22:10, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:42, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Took care of the quotes in the middle of sections, took out the bullets in BTS, him being part of the OR era is already sourced, will work on sourcing the language bases.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:53, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * I think someone should take notice of the hideous amount of Point of View violations in the "Legacy" section. -MPK 18:25, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Except that what's in that section reflects character's opinions of Malak, such as G0-T0, Canderous Ordo, and Mical.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:41, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Then you need to include that it was their reflections. As it stands, it's POV, but with some tweaking, it could be fixed without changing the meaning of the sentences. DC 16:08, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Tweaked it a bit, check it out.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:05, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * I believe it is fine now. —Tommy [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 17:06, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Content approaching for the BTS: http://www.farawaypress.com/games/swkotorguide.html. Mauser 13:18, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Darth Nihilus

 * Nominated by:  NaruHina Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:25, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Thanks to Cylka for the inspiration and information. Lets make this the first Restored GA!

(2 ACs/8 Users/10 Total)
Support
 * 1) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 07:21, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:54, 4 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 05:22, 6 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 07:00, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) A good romp with the FAN would do this some real justice, methinks. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Dark Side Master TotG.jpg|17px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:15, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:57, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Kilson likes PIE Nice job, very well done. 16:50, 06 February, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Dark Lord Trayus 03:27, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) -- Darth tom [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  22:14, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Object style="color: #000000;">Talk  08:56, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The BtS is a bit all over the place. Please subsection it as appropriate and break it into proper paragraphs; it looks a bit triviaish at the moment. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:23, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I think I fixed it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 19:13, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cylka:
 * 4) * The Trayus Academy kept on producing legions of Sith Lords, Assassins and Marauders, who spread death and the following of the dark side like a disease. What does "the following of the dark side" mean? Please clarify.
 * 5) **Rephrased. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * As it neared the Miraluka colonized world Katarr, Nihilus spoke, obliterating Katarr How did him speaking obliterate Katarr? Please clarify. Maybe you could add in something to the effect that the Miraluka could hear him through the Force and that his "voice" in the Force was his hunger, therefore hearing him=death.
 * 7) **Rephrased. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * [...]the Dark Lord seemed too strong to defeat, then the Exile learned of his weakness and turned the tide. Visas also entered into a trance and tried to disrupt the link with her former Master, undermining his connection to the Force. This makes it sound like they both were in a trance, although I'm pretty sure only Visas was in a trance. Please reword.
 * 9) **And rephrased. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * With Traya gone, the Sith were left with no defined leadership and many factions arose, all seeking to take what little remained of Revan's Sith Empire. However, Nihilus and Sion were now the leaders of the Sith. These statements appear to contradict each other. I know what you mean, but others may not. Reword to say that they became the leaders because they got rid of Traya.
 * 11) **Rephrased. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:03, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Give an actual date for the conclave and destruction of Katarr. I actually found a definitive source for the date; I changed all the articles to reflect this. You can find it there. * Cylka *  11:21, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Fixed it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:03, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *Good job with adding a lot of info to the article. * Cylka *  02:40, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thank you. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) Soresu
 * 17) * it killed all but a few of those who were crushed on the planet's surface. This does not make sense. It sounds as if it killed almost everyone, and then the survivors were crushed.
 * 18) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:02, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Using the Force, he was able to keep his robes, armor and mask together, giving him some form, allowing him to use his Force powers and wield a lightsaber, but apart from that he had no longer a physical form and he became simple primitive intention. Break this sentence up.
 * 20) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:02, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * I would suggest integrating the third paragraph of 'Encounter with Visas Marr' with the second. This is so you can say that the conclave was the original reason why Nihilus had come to the planet. You should probably add the intentional info leak by Atris and that it was meant to be a trap for him. I'll take a look at the rest in a few hours. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 22:11, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **Merged NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 10:50, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * The 'Downfall' section is out of chronology. Please put it into the correct order of events.
 * 24) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 10:50, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Sorry about not getting this stuff last night (I had a blackout while writing), but the second and third paragraphs are still not in order. For example, the disturbance in the Force, Visas' joining the Exile, and the end of the Onderon Civil War all occurred after the destruction of the mining facility. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 22:01, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *** I'm not seeing where it is out of chronology. Could you please quote where you see it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 11:47, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Nevermind, reading at 3:30AM does things to the mind. I think I fixed it.
 * 28) * The hunger he possessed was a means of severing connections between life, the Force, and feeding upon the death it caused the closer he came to it. Reword. Also, what was he coming closer to? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 03:06, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **No clue there. Removed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 08:31, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) Chack Attack:
 * 31) * "Under the tutelage of Darth Traya he became one of the three Dark Lords of the Sith at the time, the Sith Triumvirate, under the title of the Lord of Hunger, the others being Traya and Darth Sion." This is phrased a bit poorly.
 * 32) **Rephrased? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 11:57, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "An emptiness swept over his body and it soon began hungering. Without meaning to, he drained the life of someone; it was an unpleasant experience, but for a brief moment the hunger ceased, only to come back more relentless than before." This should also be rephrased.
 * 34) **I'm not sure of how I could rephrase it and people in the IRC think its fine. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:29, 3 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Right, don't worry about it then.
 * 36) * "his voice a great hunger heard" Can you hear hunger? :P Seriosuly, I know what you're trying to say, but it could written better here.
 * 37) **Got it NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 22:42, 3 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "The situation on Onderon got out of hand" Too colloquial.
 * 39) **A two birds with one stone fix. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:43, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * "learned of his weakness" What was his weakness?
 * 41) **Got it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 11:57, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *Very good job. I'd suggest taking this to FA when it passes GA (only if you feel you're ready, of course).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) Please rework the beginning a little bit. We shouldn't be saying things like "all that is known of Nihilus' beginning" because this is out-of-universe. You could alter that to reflect the knowledge of the characters in-universe. You should also contextify/link the Exile upon her first mention in the bio. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:31, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *I already linked/contextified her in the Downfall section. "The Jedi Exile[link] returned to Republic space after being banished from the Jedi Order for following Revan to the Mandalorian Wars. She had begun to reestablish her connection to the Force which was severed during the Battle of Malachor V."
 * 45) **But that occurs after "when the Exile gave the order to activate the Mass Shadow Generator," which is her first mention. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:11, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) *Did I fix the lead-in right? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:15, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) Toprawa:
 * 49) * Sourcing needs some serious clean up before I'm going to let this thing pass, and I really have no qualms about expressing my dissatisfaction with the level of review by our AC members here. Please eliminate the unnecessary redundant sourcing in the biography. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:43, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **I disagree with you on the sourcing; but for the sake of the nom, I fixed it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:15, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***I'm not sure what there is to disagree about it. An article is either sourced correctly, or it isn't, and this one wasn't. Fortunately, you have corrected this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:22, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Pasta Bowl; part the first&hellip;
 * 53) * More aesthetic than anything else, but there is no image of Nihilus from TSL in the article. None. Surely a screen shot can be taken. One of Nihilus and Marr together would be extremely beneficial to readers since their paths are so intertwined.
 * 54) **I will work on getting another but the image at the end of the Biography is from TSL. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ***A shot of Visas before Nihilus has been added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:57, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *Be careful with the flow in the Introduction. It is choppy with a lot of short finite sentences. I tried to clean it up, but it needs some work in the prose to make it smooth and fluid.
 * 57) **Done? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) ***I see what you did. Okay, a few things.
 * 59) **** "After losing everything&hellip; after surviving&hellip;" Both 'afters' make it awkward.
 * 60) *****Never mind. I fixed this one myself. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) ****"he turned to the dark side&hellip;" Was he a Jedi? Otherwise, turning would imply that.
 * 62) *****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:36, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **** "The apprentices became more and more powerful." This seems just dropped in. There is nothing before that states an apprenticeship aside from "tutelage." The triumvirate, however, implies equality rather than a Master-Apprentice relationship. Additionally, it is so disconnected from the discussion of Nihilus and Traya that no real link can be formed. This connection and the associated wording needs to be reworked and rewritten. It needs to be as clear as possible for the reader to know when he was an apprentice, when he was an equal, and when he overpowered his former master.
 * 64) ***** This is only partially cleaned up. "&hellip;encase his spirit within his mask and armor. The apprentices grew in strength during their training; eventually overpowering and exiled their Master, severing her ties to the Force." Note the disjunction between the sentences. It is also disjunctive at the semicolon, which is also improperly used, here. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) ******I think I got it this time. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:24, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) **** Similarly, the sentences about his "hunger" and experiences with the mass shadow generator should be mentioned with the Malachor remarks.
 * 67) *****Addressed. NaruHina  <span
 * 1) ****** Okay, so this one was moved, but the connectivity was breached. "&hellip;the affliction began to ravage his body. He then came under the apprenticeship&hellip;" Awkward transition, please rectify. Perhaps mention him being "found" might help. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *******I think I smoothed it out. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:45, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) * I split the first paragraph of the biography. Make certain the reference at the split point is still correct.
 * 4) **They are still correct. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 22:10, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * The second paragraph of the biography merely states that he was trained by Traya, but after it is stated that he was "christened" as a Sith Lord. Firstly, was he ever apprenticed by Traya? The Intro and infobox states that he was in a Master-Apprentice relationship, but this paragraph does not. Secondly, was he instantaneously found and then "christened" as a Sith Lord? There is a strong disconnect along the time line. Please clarify this paragraph and expand.
 * 6) **Addressed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Better, but a couple of things:
 * 8) **** "He followed her there, to her school on Malachor, and learned the ways of the Sith." Isn't he already on Malachor, or is that not known?
 * 9) *****I fixed this one, too. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **** "Time passed and he was eventually a newly christened&hellip;" the eventually...newly part that throws me off. Also, "christened" is an awkward word for being given a title; can that be reworked while we are at it? Or, is that a canon word that I am not remembering?
 * 11) ***** Much better here; although, instances of "christened" still exist in the article. Additionally, I do not believe the phrase "Nihilus was named a Sith Lord during this conflict&hellip;" comes from information within TSL. Is there someplace else, or am I missing something? I could be incorrect. Please double check for me. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ******I'm not seeing any, though it is early in the morning, but christened is a canon word for it. Its in the KotOR CG. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:45, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **** "Nihilus and Sion each honed different teachings of the dark side of the Force&hellip;" Different teachings or aspects/skills/etc.? Just checking.
 * 14) *****Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 09:12, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "His power grew beyond what Traya could match and he allied himself with Darth Sion to challenge her, defeating the woman." Where? When? Expand. It is a significant character-development point in TSL.
 * 16) **Expanded. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:15, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *** Quickie: "Nihilus allied himself with Darth Sion to challenge Traya, defeating the woman at the center of her own Academy in the very heart of Malachor V itself." What was the challenge? How did he defeat her?
 * 18) ****Addressed and as to the second part, thats in there, Sion beat her to a bloody pulp and they sapped her Force energy. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 09:12, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *****Official objection struck, but I kind of would like to see this done up a little more if you have time. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "With Traya gone, the Sith were left with no defined leadership and many factions arose&hellip;" Wait&hellip; where did these beings come from? Although not stated, it is implied earlier in the article that the Triumvirate was alone. Clarify.
 * 21) **Clarified. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:15, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) *** Sorry, but I do not believe it is. The paragraph prior to this might be a place to mention that the Sith Empire had fallen and various factions and followers existed. It is your choice, but all of a sudden a three-being group is now a broken and tattered empire as it reads now.
 * 23) ****Fixed? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 22:10, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *****Better, but there are two things another thing with this:
 * 25) ****** "Nihilus and Sion, having been the ones who defeated Traya, took control of the fractured Sith, those who followed Traya but now wanted her power for themselves, and focused the groups on a common goal: the elimination of the Jedi Order." The last half of this&mdash;from "those," onward&mdash;makes little sense. First off, the sentence needs to be broken up, it is a long run-on. Next, who are "those?" Are they Nihilus and Sion? Are they other Sith minions who did Traya's bidding? Clarify. In fact, please rework this entire sentence. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *******Fixed? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:43, 2 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****** Break up the paragraph at "With Traya gone&hellip;" &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *******Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:58, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Nihilus and Sion, having been the ones who defeated Traya, took control of the fractured Sith and focused the groups on a common goal: the elimination of the Jedi Order." Did they work together directly, or indirectly? Their goals in eliminating the Jedi Order seem to have been different.
 * 30) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:15, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Better.
 * 32) * The subheading "Dark Lord of the Sith" seems out of place considering that his "christening" as such is mentioned paragraphs before and already expanded upon. Change divisions or the subheading title.
 * 33) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:20, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Much, much better.
 * 35) * "With Traya overthrown, Nihilus had moved into a position of power. The Trayus Academy continued producing legions of Sith Lords, Assassins and Marauders." Disjunctive. What is the relationship between Nihilus and the Academy? If nothing, the first sentence is an unnecessary redundancy, and the next couple need to be reworked into Nihilus's scheme to show a connection.
 * 36) **Contextified that he attended the academy. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:56, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *** Okay, but that does not help in this instance. That is too far away to be the explanation. It is a good setup for an explanation, however. Did Nihilus or Sion officially take over the Academy? How was it run? What happened? Otherwise, this is irrelevant information for this location in the article.
 * 38) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:47, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ***** Better. Again, however, please double check the source. I do not believe all that information is in TSL. In fact, this one I am pretty certain of. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ******Fixed for this one. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:58, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) *******Striking it for now to clear this round of objections. I will re-mention it in the next round. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:44, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * In conjunction with the above: "They spread death throughout the galaxy like a disease&hellip;" Is it described "like a disease" in TSL or the CG? If not, remove it; it borders on OR and is not NPoV.
 * 43) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Continuing the conjunction: "What they experienced first hand in his wake allowed them to become stronger near Force-sensitives, and feel their prey through the Force." This does not make sense. Reword, please.
 * 45) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *** "&hellip;allowed them to become stronger near other Force-sensitives&hellip;" Contextualize or expand "stronger."
 * 47) *** "&hellip;and feel their targets through the Force across great distances." I think I understand what is being explained, but it is too cumbersome as it stands right now. I am not sure why, but I am having a difficult time with this clause.
 * 48) ****Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:56, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "His flagship, the Ravager, roamed the borders of known space." Okay. And? This sentence, aside from beginning a paragraph with a pronoun, has no relation to the paragraph it is heading. Connect and remove the pronoun or eliminate altogether. The Ravager should probably be mentioned and sourced when he pulls ships from Malachor V.
 * 50) **Removed an fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:09, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "Atris, a Jedi Master, organized a large gathering of Jedi on the Miraluka colony world Katarr. After organizing the event, she then leaked the location." I reworded it to flow better, but it needs to be stated why she leaked the event.
 * 52) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "It overpowered them and obliterated the surface of Katarr&hellip;" What is "it?" His voice? His hunger?
 * 54) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "Nihilus killed much of what remained of the Jedi Order&hellip;" So basically, no one was left? Make sure that the amount implied is actually stated in the sources.
 * 56) **I fixed it by putting the context of it at the beginning of that paragraph. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:29, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ***I will let it pass. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "&hellip;including the renowned Jedi Zhar Lestin, Dorak and Vandar Tokare." "Renowned" is not a word I would use here. It is PoV-laden and should be tempered. Also, any other figures present that should be noted?
 * 59) **Fixed and no, there's not, its almost like the Golden Globes, and aside from that, I thought three would be a good number as to not disrupt the flow. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ***Sorry, I don't follow. What does the Golden Globes have to do with the Conclave gathering? I don't follow.
 * 61) ****Its just a joke. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 22:51, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *****Oh, sorry. As people say these days: "My bad." :) &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "As he walked on the surface, Darth Nihilus found only a single living thing, an injured woman named Visas Marr." The wording of this implies that she happened to survive; although a couple sentences later states outright that she had been spared. Clarify this.
 * 64) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) *** In TSL, she remarks that she was spared. This should be addressed here.
 * 66) ****Fixed to say he didn't spare her but she survived and wanted to know why. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 22:51, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) *****Great fix. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Throughout the article, Visas Marr is referred to simply as "Visas." This is not a proper encyclopedic naming convention unless there are two with the same last name. I know she is referred to as Visas in TSL, but they are on a first name basis, just like talking to "Canderous," or "Atton," or anyone else. Please change these appearances.
 * 69) **I fixed all that I could find. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:19, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ***I went through and fixed them. The BtS was riddled with them.
 * 71) * "&hellip;and carved out the flesh where her eyes would be had she been human." Well, she is not Human. This analogy seems a bit of a stretch. Please find another way to describe it using a Miraluka-based description rather than that of another species.
 * 72) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:30, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * "She eventually became his trusted sole apprentice; she even developed a powerful Force bond with her Master." Choppy, please reword, expand, and make more fluid.
 * 74) **Fixed? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:32, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * Before I forget, the date in the infobox does not come from TSL, as no year is mentioned in the game. Please find a source. There are a few to chose from.
 * 76) **The NEC came through for once. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 09:28, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) *So far, I've read up to "Downfall," but I think I will stop there for now. Good luck.
 * 78) **I will resume after this part has been finished. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 06:35, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ***Still more to do in this part. A good copyedit might help, as well. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:56, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Pasta bowl, part the second:
 * 82) *There was still one outstanding objection from above. To make it easy, I'm reposting it here: The first paragraph of 1.2.1 (Encounter with Marr), I believe, does not all come from TSL. Please double check that for me.
 * 83) **I think that was said in TSL but I'm not 100% sure anymore. I've taken out the things I'm not sure of. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 13:28, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) ***If this information is true, it is useful to his biography. Please double check other sources so that the article is comprehensive. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "At this point, Nihilus's next move&hellip;" What is "this" point? Contextify and clarify.
 * 86) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:22, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "The Jedi Exile returned to Republic space&hellip;" This paragraph needs to start with a transition phrase.
 * 88) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:22, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) ***Struck defunct objection due to major corrections suggested by other reviewers. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) *"In a turn of events, the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed, restoration efforts throughout the Outer Rim were doomed, and secessionist movements on planets such as Onderon got out of hand." A few things:
 * 91) ** "In a turn of events" is awkward here. It implies that Atris could no longer control or manipulate what was happening. While this may be the case, it does not seem to quite fit.
 * 92) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) ****Rendered defunct.
 * 94) ** "&hellip; the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed, restoration efforts throughout the Outer Rim were doomed, etc." The current set up indicates that the incident on Peragus was just one of the events, not a prompter of those events. Peragus prompted Telos. Please reword to clarify. Also, "doomed" is PoV.
 * 95) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) ****Rendered defunct.
 * 97) ** "Restoration efforts" does not seem correct, to me. Telos was the only restoration effort mentioned in TSL, and it is the only one that is mentioned as active since it was a pilot program. If I am missing something, please clarify this. If not, please fix it, because it is a blanket statement that is considered OR.
 * 98) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) **Same thing for "secessionist movements." Also, "got out of hand" is PoV.
 * 100) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:29, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) ****Not fixed. Please cite the plural nature of it.
 * 102) * "When the Exile defeated Marr instead, the Miraluka began to question her conclusions of what her master once showed her and was swayed to serve the Exile against the slayer of her people." I already separated this from another sentence, but please break this up again so it is less of a run-on.
 * 103) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "Nihilus's plans for Onderon failed&hellip;" Ok, so we are back at Onderon now. Just from what I have read in this section, thus far, it needs to be organized better. We start at Onderon, then jump to the Exile in a disjunctive fashion, then reintroduce Nihilus backhandedly, then jump back to Onderon. Either all of the Onderon stuff should be together or the progression needs to be smoothed over substantially. While the first option pulls apart the chronology a bit, it could be very effective. The latter option allows for a preservation of the chronology, but will take some work to keep things flowing. Basically, the ideas should not come to an abrupt halt at the end of every paragraph. Sometimes there is no way around that, but, in this case, I do not believe it is necessary to have such abrupt changes.
 * 105) **I chose the former and I think it works well. 05:37, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) ***We'll tweak this again later, too, during the final run-through. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * "Nihilus's plans for Onderon failed when the Exile stopped the Onderon Civil War." She singlehandedly stopped the civil war? Maybe "intervened" would be better.
 * 108) **Changed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:37, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) *"When a detachment of Sith were dispatched to Iziz from the nearby moon of Dxun, they were still unaware of the presence of a base that Nihilus had established in Freedon Nadd's tomb; the Sith had stayed clear of Mandalorian patrols even though they were very close to the Mandalorian Outpost." A few things:
 * 110) **First, all of a sudden there are Sith on Dxun? What's Dxun have to do with it? What were those Sith there for? Contextify.
 * 111) ***Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ****Still needs work. The Freedon Nadd's tomb, now referenced as "Nihilus's base" has no earlier context or predication. This is an important thing to mention. I know it was trimmed out based upon Acky's objection below. I am not disagreeing with him; rather, I am saying to include the relevant information in a manner that is not a play-by-play of the game, and in the proper chronological frame, not the order it was necessarily revealed in the game. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) *****Is this the kind of thing you want? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:35, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) ****Also, sentence before indicates that Mandalore and his people were living on Onderon, and not Dxun. Please correct this. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) *****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:35, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) ** Next, who is "they" (after Dxun)?
 * 117) ***Contextified NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) **"&hellip;the presence of a base&hellip;" Context now arrives, but it is too late. The paragraph at the beginning of Downfall, which describes Nihilus setting up his Onderon scheme is too short. The context should be there. It would greatly enhance that paragraph and allow for a just a short one-or-two word reference here to refresh our memory.
 * 119) ***Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) ****This objection stands, dovetailing off of the previous. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) ** Then, the semicolon is used wrongly here. It would be better to just cut the sentence.
 * 122) ***Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) **"The Sith had stayed clear of Mandalorian patrols&hellip;" Wait, there are Mandalorians, now? Context. It would be good to mention the presence of Mandos on Dxun when it talks about the Exile joining forces with them. After all, that is where the bargain was reached.
 * 124) ***Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) ****Again, dovetailing off of the previous standing objections. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) *"When Kreia recognized a greater threat than what seemed to be merely a staging base, the Exile took action against it." The part that does not quite make sense to me is "than what seemed to be merely a staging base." Please clarify this.
 * 127) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:04, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) ***Sorry, but this is even more confusing now. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) *****How's this? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:25, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) *"Meanwhile, the Exile, Kreia, and a third companion headed to Iziz to support Queen Talia and keep Onderon in the Republic." I thought the third companion had to be Mandalore. I could be wrong on this, so please double check. Thanks.
 * 131) **No, Mandalore could be sent to Dxun as well, In fact, Kreia says its a good idea to take him there. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:01, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) ***I would not even mention Kreia, then. If the third companion is player-chosen and Kreia is not mentioned in the paragraph (or, what should be the paragraph), then simply stated "Exile and two companions" as the remark. To help codify Kreia's unnecessary mention, please split the paragraph at "afterwards." &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 133) ****Good point. Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:35, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) ***Dovetailing with this: The Exile can convince Talia to permit Vaklu to at least stand trial. I believe this is the light-sided choice. So, correct that sentence accordingly. Additionally, play down this information as passing for link purposes. Condense. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 135) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:25, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) *"There, Sith Lords and Dark Jedi had joined the separatists and were marching to the Iziz Royal Palace, accompanied by Sith wranglers and their huge beasts. Vaklu was stopped, and Colonel Tobin became part of Kreia's deception to draw out Darth Nihilus." Okay. A couple of things:
 * 137) ** First, the two sentences are disjunctive. A lot is missing from here. "Valku was stopped" explains nothing. A sentence or two (plus a link) about the Second Battle of Onderon would be very useful here.
 * 138) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 22:54, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) ** Then, expand slightly upon Kreia's plan to use Tobin as a pawn. (A lot of pawning and manipulating is happening at this time, and it would be beneficial to make certain the readers know who is manipulating who.)
 * 140) ***Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:24, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 141) * "&hellip;she told Tobin that it was there that the Jedi were hiding." What's so special about Telos, then? Jedi were hiding all over the galaxy.
 * 142) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:24, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 143) *"When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet, Republic Admiral Carth Onasi, aboard his flagship, the Sojourn, engaged them in conjunction a group of Mandalorians in the Battle of Telos IV." This needs to be reworded and contextified. Why were the Mandos there? Who allied with who? Anyone else present? Was the battle entirely in space? What role did the Exile have in setting it up? Kreia? etc.
 * 144) **How's this? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:40, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 145) ***"When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet, the Republic Navy was there to meet him, working with Canderous Ordo's Mandalorians who were there to assist the Exile and their Mandalore, starting the Battle of Telos IV." Reword this and, if necessary, break it up so it is clear and flows better. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 146) * "Realizing that he had been betrayed, Nihilus had no choice but to feed upon Telos anyway, or his hunger would have consumed him." Does he actually realize his betrayal, or is he more intent on feeding than anything else? Clarify.
 * 147) **Is this good? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:24, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 148) ***First part was better; I fixed the last part. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 149) *"Nihilus's ship was assaulted and boarded by the Mandalorians, and the Mandalore accompanied both the Exile and Visas Marr on their fight to the bridge of the ship and to the final confrontation with Nihilus." First, was this part of the plan? A couple words of context would help. Next, this sentence is a run-on. Break it up, into at least two sentences.
 * 150) **Fixed? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:04, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) ***I cannot seem to find the changes. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 152) ****"Nihilus's ship was assaulted and boarded by the Mandalorians in a coordinated final strike against Nihilus. The Mandalore led his troops to and aboard the Ravager, while covered by the Republic forces, to assist the Exile and Visas Marr in their fight to the bridge of the ship and in the final confrontation with Nihilus." I think the second sentence still needs some shortening. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) *"Twisted by the dark side from exposure to Nihilus's dark powers in the time since Kreia saved him, he agreed to help the Mandalorians detonate the charges after he realized that it would only be a matter of time until Onderon would meet the same fate as Telos if Nihilus was to succeed." Run-on.
 * 154) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:38, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 155) ***It is not technically a run-on, now, but it needs to be smoother and less wordy. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 156) * "Before the final confrontation, Marr had a chance to visit her old meditation chamber, stopping to meditate for a moment and finally coming to terms with the destruction of her homeworld, forsaking vengeance and fully embracing the light side of the Force." Run-on.
 * 157) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:25, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 158) ***Defunct. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 159) *"During the final showdown with Nihilus, the Exile, whose tie to the Force had previously been severed and whose leech-like nature was of the same nature as Nihilus's, could not be consumed by him, so when he tried, he exhausted himself and was made vulnerable." Run-on and very convoluted.
 * 160) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:56, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 161) ***Still very convoluted. The "Nihilus, he" is very awkward, for one. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 162) ****How's this? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 163) ***Also, I do not really like the "leech-like" analogy. Is that from TSL? If not, reword. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 164) ****Changed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 165) * "They engaged in a quick fight, with the Dark Lord seemingly too strong to defeat, then the Exile learned of his aversion to her and turned the tide." Run-on.
 * 166) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:56, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 167) * "Marr entered a trance and tried to disrupt the link with her former Master, undermining his connection to the Force." This sentence does not quite make sense. I think you are referring to their Force bond, but I am not certain.
 * 168) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:14, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 169) *"The three of them managed to defeat him and escape the vessel's destruction, but before making for the orbital shuttle they used to board the ship, his mask was removed by Marr, who wanted to see the face of the one who had wounded her." Run-on. Also, do not use "managed" for this. It implies that it was an impossible upset and is passive.
 * 170) **Broken up. 06:14, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 171) ***Please fix the other part, too. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 172) ****I did, I think. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 173) *"The Sith lived on after the fall of the Sith Triumvirate." It would be beneficial to contextify this since Nihilus was not the only member of the Triumvirate.
 * 174) **Clairified. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:09, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 175) *"At some point during his life, Darth Nihilus created a holocron that eventually fell into the hands of Darth Krayt several millennia later after the Sith had reclaimed the galaxy for the first time since the fall of the Galactic Empire." Run-on.
 * 176) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:12, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 177) *In the sentence about the holocrons, it would be better to link directly to the holocron instead of the dark lords.
 * 178) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:41, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 179) * "The only response he received from Nihilus was a statement in the Sith Lord's peculiar language, which his comrades didn't bother to translate." Contraction-alert? Also, 'did not bother to' is too idiomatic for this type of writing.
 * 180) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:12, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 181) ***I fixed this one. I still had to eliminate the contraction. Please do not use them in the articles. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 182) *So you know, I have broken a lot of run-on sentences up since reviewing began. Please be aware of this as you are writing and doing a copy edit. Also, there were a some spelling and minor grammar mistakes in some of the earlier corrections which have been fixed. Take your time with these objections and do not rush through them. It is better to take a little longer and to do the best job possible the first time. The article is on its way, with the biography now done with the first run through. It has a lot of promise, Naru, so do not be discouraged. At the same time, keep a watchful eye out for details such as lacking context or runon sentences. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:44, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 183) **I also echo Acky's remarks below. In some cases, the information itself is not bad, rather it is the presentation that is found wanting. Context can be given without offering a play-by-play of the game. Once the outstanding objections are addressed, we will go back through the biography and hash it out again to clean up loose ends. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 184) Remember you're not writing a summary of the game. Things like "Just before the Exile's return to Republic space, Nihilus allied himself with General Vaklu" and "When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet, Republic Admiral Carth Onasi, aboard his flagship, the Sojourn" and "was healed by Kreia who told him that she was a Vakluist and instructed him to inform Nihilus of an active Jedi Academy on Telos IV" don't read like they're from Nihilus's bio. It should be like "Nihilus was informed of the message, and then took the Ravager to Telos." The penultimate paragraph in that section is an offender. It looks like a summary. "Before the final confrontation" - later events shouldn't be mentioned like that, unless it's the Battle of Yavin or somesuch. There's loads of extraneous information there - Visas visiting the chamber isn't relevant to Nihilus, and if it is, the article needs to convey that. "During the final showdown with Nihilus, the Exile's leech-like nature, due to her tie to the Force being cut at the end of the Battle of Malachor V, that was of the same nature as Nihilus's could not be consumed by him" could be clarified/broken up. Be careful when using pronouns; sometimes it's unclear who or what's being referred to. E.g. "When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet" (last planet mentioned was Malachor, in previous sentence) and "Though he realized too late that there were no Force-sensitives in the Academy, his hunger drove him to still try to absorb Telos anyway or it would consume the Sith Lord" (last two people mentioned were Carth and Mandalore). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:16, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 185) *I've read through the entire article again and I believe I have corrected these. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:20, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm horrible with BtS reviewing, so I won't do that. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 03:06, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. 03:59, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Operation: Knightfall

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:29, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I shall say once again and for the final time, let no man, woman, or child ever be subjected to this article again.

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:20, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good. 12:54, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) It was fun to play it in the games, and now it's fun to read it. Kilson 6:04, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) I know, I put you through a lot here. ;-) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 03:37, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:44, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) -- Darth tom [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  22:14, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I'm a bit worried about the sourcing in this article. For example the last paragraph in the "Operation: Nightfall" section is almost all sourced to the Courtship of Princess Leia, which is obviously not right. Everything needs to be sourced to the source it came from. The Jerec stuff has nothing to do with Operation: Nightfall, that didn't happen until he returned from the Unknown Regions some time later. Bene and Whie are mentioned in the penultimate paragraph in the said section and it's all sourced to the RotS game, but according to their articles neither of them appear in the game, so that needs to be checked out. "grandfather's (Anakin Skywalker)" reads awkwardly. I'd try "the actions of Anakin Skywalker, his grandfather" or somesuch. In the "Jedi Casualties," why are the Jedi listed by their rank in the GAR and not their Jedi rank? They didn't die in their capacity as commanders so it's not relevant, and the legitimacy of those ranks at that time has certainly to be in question. Nothing from Ahakista Gambit? Source list needs to be ordered by release date. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:35, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've fixed Bene and Whie, (Anakin Skywalker), and Jerec. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:32, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *I've also fixed the source list and the rank issues. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 08:02, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Fixed the sourcing. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 09:22, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 10:07, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *I'm not sure the sentence about "some Jedi turning to the dark side" should stay, unless it definitely refers to during O:N and not just during the purge in general. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:56, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Gah, this thing keeps changing... Removed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 19:56, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) According to Jedi Twilight, Jax Pavan and Even Piell were present during the attack, but survived by fleeing the temple. You should mention this --Jinzler 21:16, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Added. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:40, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Cylka:
 * 11) * [...] the newly anointed Darth Vader and the clone troopers of the 501st Legion stormed the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, initiating a massacre under the authority of Order 66. and The men of the 501st protected the Jedi library while the Jedi tried to destroy the knowledge contained there to keep it out of the hands of the Sith. - These two sentences appear to contridict each other. Were the 501st helping Vader or the Jedi?
 * 12) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 08:42, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * After the fighting, Vader set up a beacon that alerted Jedi all over the galaxy, the ones that had not already fallen to the clones in their ranks, that the Clone Wars were over and ordered them back to the temple, not knowing that it was a trap. - The not knowing that it was a trap part is a bit awkward. Please rewrite in such a way as to clearly show that it was a trap for the Jedi and not Vader.
 * 14) *Rewritten NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:53, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * As the Legion landed at the Temple, and as they marched, they were completely silent. - A little more context is needed here. Why was it relevant that the Legion was silent?
 * 16) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:05, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * There seem to be some linking issues. I've found that many links are missing. I've gone through and linked as much as I could, but I may have missed some, so please double check them.
 * 18) * Vader disabled the shield system and killed the Jedi; proceeding into one of the surrounding halls. - This is a bit confusing. What or who was proceeding into one of the surrounding halls?
 * 19) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 09:08, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Though Shaak Ti managed to secure a small number of her charges passage through the Undercity. - Is there something more that you wanted to add to this statement? If not, then it needs to be reworded.
 * 21) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:05, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Cleaning up most of the remaining Temple Security guards and Jedi Knights. - This sentence is somewhat arbitrary in relation to the previous statements. It needs to be connected to them in some way.
 * 23) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:53, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * As the Temple burned, Bail Organa landed on the landing platform of one of the Council Tower hangars to investigate the fire. - Some context is needed when Organa is first introduced. Specifically who he was and why he would be landing at the Temple.
 * 25) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:34, 4 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * A bit of context is needed for Order 66 when it is first introduced.
 * 27) **Added. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:03, 10 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Context is needed in regards to Padmé Amidala and why she would be traveling to Mustafar to confront Anakin.
 * 29) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:23, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * It is possible he was seen by a clone trooper. - What evidence/reasons are given for the possibility of Jacen being seen by a clone when he flow-walked?
 * 31) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:53, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *Please take care of these objections and I'll look over the article once more. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 06:35, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) I don't think Fox can be counted as a commander of the battle. He is only a sergeant. He did order his men to stop firing on Bail, but it's not like he was in command of the entire battle. Kilson 11:40, 07 February 09 (UTC)
 * 34) *Removed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:53, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) You should add info from Dark Nest II: The Unseen Queen, which reveals that R2-D2 downloaded a recording of the battle, which was later watched by Luke Skywalker --Jinzler 21:18, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:54, 10 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) Cylka's second look:
 * 38) * The introduction states that the 501st legion defended the Jedi Library.
 * 39) **Which they did. It also says they were defending it from Jedi. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:37, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ***The men of the 501st protected the Jedi library while the Jedi tried to destroy the knowledge contained there to keep it out of the hands of the Sith. - This sentence is what I was referring to. It is a bit unclear as to who or what the 501 were defending the Library from.
 * 41) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:51, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * As the troopers dispersed throughout the Temple's vaulted halls, Vader began to eliminate the most powerful Jedi within. - Did Vader consciously target the most powerful Jedi first? Or was it random?
 * 43) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:52, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Nu had already sensed something suspicious - Is it specified what caused her to sense something suspicious?
 * 45) **No. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:52, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * The last paragraph of the Operation: Knightfall section uses the word managed too often. Please reword this a bit.
 * 47) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:52, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * Fortunately an emergency session of congress was being held, reducing security at the Temple. - This sentence sounds a bit POVish. I believe it should be reworded a little.
 * 49) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:03, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * A bit more context is still needed for Amidala. Why would Kenobi decide to go to her specifically to ask about Skywalker's whereabouts? I know you mention later that Kenobi figured out Skywalker was the father of her baby, but more is needed here.
 * 51) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:03, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * Amidala got into her J-type star skiff and flew to Mustafar confront her husband, unaware that Kenobi had stowed away. Though Kenobi did not want to, he knew he had to face Darth Vader in order to bring the Sith threat to an end. - This sentence should be integrated into the previous paragraph. This fits in with what I was saying in my previous objection.
 * 53) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:03, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * As the order circulated to non-clone military forces - What order was this? Is it the order you describe a few sentences later, or a different order? Please clarify.
 * 55) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 18:29, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * The last paragraph of the Public and non-clone military response section use the words flee and/or fleeing too many times. Please change this.
 * 57) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 18:29, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * had stolen and downloaded a recording of this event at some point. - What is the event mentioned here? The one mentioned later in the paragraph? This needs to be clarified.
 * 59) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:48, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * These clones were included in LEGO Star Wars: The Video Game and in the compiliation game LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga as well as in the Episode III novel where they were aproached by Obi-Wan who was disguised as a hunchbacked old man and tried to pass off Yoda as a Jedi baby to get close enough to attack and all of the squad was dead within six seconds. - this sentence needs to be broken up a bit.
 * 61) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:48, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *It's almost ready. :-) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 21:20, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) Third time's the charm:
 * 64) * Many Jedi were killed within minutes by their formerly loyal subordinates,[1] though some, like A'Sharad Hett,[7] Rahm Kota,[8] and T'ra Saa,[9] survived by rebuffing the clones, not being around them at the time, or a variety of other reasons. - This sentence reads a bit off. Maybe you could reword it in such a way as to indicate the specific reason each of these Jedi survived.
 * 65) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:08, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * ...dispatched her padawan to the lower levels of Coruscant with detailed maps.' - What is the significance of these maps?
 * 67) **Added NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:08, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Upon arrival, the two Jedi ambushed a squad of clone troopers of the 501st Legion on sentry duty. An emergency session of congress was being held, reducing security personnel numbers at the Temple, however. More clones ambushed Kenobi... - These first few sentences need to be integrated with each other a bit more. As it stands, the beginning of this paragraph is somewhat fragmented.
 * 69) **Reworded NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:08, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) *Despite what he said about him, Amidala refused to tell him where Skywalker went and left, figuring out that the father of her unborn child was Skywalker - this sentence is a bit confusing. You need to specify a bit more who was who.
 * 71) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:08, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * Please check the linking again, as I found some issues. I tried to correct them where I could, but I'm not sure I found them all. Also, please check your use of commas. I found that they were being used too often.
 * 73) **Fixed what I've seen NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:08, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * This isn't as much an objection, as it is a suggestion. I believe that one last image, if available, could be placed in the Bts.
 * 75) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:08, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) *You really are almost done! <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 18:33, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) From some guy who's not even on the AC, but is curious nonetheless
 * 78) * It's got several alternate titles: I know that we tend to invent titles for events (usually "Battle of X" or "Duel on Y"), and we don't usually put footnotes in the introduction, but the use of several bolded titles without a Conjecture tag implies that all of these names appear in some source or other. Is it possible or desirable to source those names? &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 23:40, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) **Or, you could remove all but one canonical title. That works too. &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 12:27, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ***Well, I tried to find sources for all those names but after looking through all those books, I found that the event is not actually named in most of them as any of those.; It is merely refered to as "when the Temple fell" or some sort. Not an actuall designation of the event. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 18:45, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) *I'd suggest this for the FAN page, based simply on its length and scope. (That's a comment, not an objection.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 23:40, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) Chack Attack:
 * 83) * "After assisting in the death of Mace Windu and submitting to Palpatine's teachings..." This starts off way too suddenly.
 * 84) **How's this? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:38, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * Same with Prelude.
 * 86) **That is the start of the Prelude. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:38, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * Try to mention the date in the intro and beginning of the body.
 * 88) * I thought Jax was a Knight, not a Padawan.
 * 89) **Well, Jax Pavan Prime was a Knight, yes. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:53, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * A bunch of your refs are not italicized. Go through and fix that.
 * 91) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:53, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) *That's all I got. It's just about ready to pass GAN.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:20, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments

HOB-147

 * Nominated by: Kilson likes PIE 18:09, 6 February 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is only my second GA nomination, so I hope that you can help me get HOB-107 to GA status.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:19, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 09:46, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) NaruHina
 * 2) * The intro is in need of expansion.
 * 3) * Completly unsourced infobox. Yes, I know it has only one source but there is no way Salvaged specified he was born in a certain year or on Kamino.
 * 4) * Context for Hurd Coyle.
 * 5) **Do not say that he was ferrying the younglings when Coyle is first introduced. All articles are to be written in a IU style and giving away all the details at the beginning is not IU. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:40, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Got rid of that part Kilson Likes PIE 18:57, 11 February 09 (UTC)
 * 7) * What kinds of battle droids did he send to check the ship?
 * 8) * "As a clone pilot, who were rarely trained in hand-to-hand fighting" This needs a source.
 * 9) **I got rid of that part Kilson likes PIE 18:57, 11 February 09 (UTC)
 * 10) * Order 66 needs context at its first mention.
 * 11) **Context given Kilson Likes PIE 18:57, 11 February 09 (UTC)
 * 12) * "147 wasn't only paralyzed for a moment by the second electro-dart." Then how long was he? Rephrase.
 * 13) * "meaning that HOB is the only "regular" clone trooper to not follow his orders" He is not a "regular" clone, he is a pilot. "He is the only one" is OR.
 * 14) **"is the only "normal" clone to not carry out Order 66 by choice." Is still blatant OR. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:40, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Satisfy these and I'll look again. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:25, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***OK, I did the corrections, but I do have a few arguements. True, we don't know for certain which years he was born. We do know, however, that all clone members of the GAR were cloned in Kamino. I just don't know which source said it. If you could tell me, or put it in yourself, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, Clone commanders, ARC troopers, and commandos were designed to to be more free thinking, the average clone trooper or pilot wasn't. That's what I ment by regular. Kilson likes PIE 21:15, 07 February 09 (UTC)
 * 17) ****I know what you meant by "regular" but he is still a pilot and has different training than that of a generic trooper. The OR is that you don't know he was the only "regular" trooper to refuse to use the Order 66 training. As well, there is not a way to dicern a comparison between his mind and that of an ARC that disobeyed Order 66 unless you put that in the text. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:14, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ****We do not know that every clone was cloned on the Kamino site. How does anyone know whether or not he was clone-birthed somewhere else? There is no way to source that he specifically was born on Kamino, though the bulk of the GAR was. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:14, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Yes I know it is an established fact that all troopers are that height, it needs to be sourced in the infobox. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:21, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Got it, that should be good, right? Kilson Likes PIE 4:42, February 8 (UTC)
 * 21) * We have a template for Databank entrys Template:DB. Use it in your sourcing. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:35, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * {{Ref| Is only for use in the infobox. Remove it for body sourcing. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:35, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Done Kilson likes PIE 18:49, 08 February 09 (UTC
 * 24) * Nowhere in the Databank article does it say /all/ clone troopers were clone-birthed on Kamino. It just says that their homeworld is Kamino. The term Homeworld can mean that they were born there or that they consider it home, you cannot assume which one is correct in this case. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:47, 08 February 09 (UTC)
 * 25) **Clone trooper databank entry, second paragraph, lines 2 to 4, "...each of the first generations of clone trooper was grown in the cloning facilities of Tipoca City, on the storm-drenched world of Kamino." Meaning the first 1.2 million clones of the GAR which fought during the Clone Wars, which HOB was apart of, were born on Kamino.Kilson 18:04, 08 February 09 (UTC)
 * 26) **How do you know he was part of the first 1.2 million clones? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:40, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***That's all the Republic had during the Clone Wars, 1.2 million clones, 10,000 Jedi about, and any volunteers they could get. Kilson 22:11, 08 February 09 (UTC)
 * 28) ****Look, there were 3 million clones, the point is there is no way to tell when he was cloned or where. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 13:42, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *****Fine, here's a compromise, I'll put possibly next to Kamino in the Infobox. Is that good?" Kilson likes PIE 15:04, 09 February 09 (UTC)
 * 30) ******No. He's either definitely from Kamino or else we don't know, in which case we leave it black. -- AdmirableAckbar {{sup|(Talk)}} 20:12, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *******Fine dude, no Kamino. Kilson likes PIE 15:53, 09 February 09 (UTC)
 * 32) Everything needs to be sourced if the infobox is. And you need to ref properly, so you don't have six ref notes for the same thing. Biography should be subsectioned. You shouldn't list those Databank entries in sources unless the character is specifically mentioned in them. In your ref notes for the Databank, state the specific Databank entry the info is from. -- AdmirableAckbar {{sup|(Talk)}} 11:54, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) *Got it, got it, double got it, got it, and got it Kilson 08:16, 08 February 09 {UTC)
 * 34) Naru's Shinigami Eye
 * 35) * "HOB was unusually strong and muscular" You still need to source that the average clone pilot was not strong or this is POV.
 * 36) * "During this time, he missed the Battle of Utapau and the death of General Grievous, along with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine declaring Order 66 and the extermination of the Jedi Order." Order 66 needs context here.
 * 37) *Thats about it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:58, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Done dude. Kilson likes PIE 11:03, 15 February 09 (UTC)
 * 39) ***Not done. You still need the context saying something along the lines of "...Order 66, which told the clones to kill Jedi..." in the body to contextify it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:17, 17 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ****OK, I got it now Kilson 15:09, 17 February 09 (UTC)
 * 41) Cavalier's torrent:
 * 42) * Intro - Shortly after Order 66, a measure that told the clones to eliminate any and all Jedi within the area, was issued and the Great Jedi Purge, the aftermath of Order 66 and an era of continued slaying of Jedi, began, he was rescued by the junk salvager Hurd Coyle. Choppy, run on sentence. Break up and rewrite, please.
 * 43) * Intro - Context on why the Empire is new is needed.
 * 44) * Order 66 needs a better description - mention needs to be made that it was a contingency order, and that it was enacted when the Jedi were perceived to have become treasonous and a threat to the Republic.
 * 45) * He was attacked by an unknown force - was it unknown to the reader as well? If not, an explanation of the method used should be added.
 * 46) * Did HOB really decide to disobey Order 66 after one question from Nia, or is there any more to their conversation?
 * 47) **The comic only shows this brief conversation, so I would have to assume that HOB was moved by only this. Given the fact that this is a childrens comic, I think that's was all that Nia needed to say to convice HOB. Kilson likes PIE 20:31, 24 Feburary 09 (UTC)
 * 48) * Any more quotes for section headings? - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 12:44, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Take a look now and see. If you want to reword the Order 66 context at all, feel free. I think that it was good enough to start with, but you can decide. Kilson likes PIE 20:33, 24 February 09 (UTC)
 * 50) HOB appears in the CSWE, please check it for new information.  Grunny  {{sup|( Talk )}} 07:47, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Cylka:
 * 52) *HOB-147 was a male Human clone pilot [...] for Light Brigade Division in the Grand Army of the Republic - This information needs to be added into the article body, preferably at the beginning of the first paragraph. Since a bit of rewriting needs to be done to do so, I have left it up to you to decide how it should fit in.
 * 53) *Also, GAR's 150 contingency orders - needs to be fit into the article. Please remember that information cannot be exclusive to the introduction. Please double check this.
 * 54) *Regarding the Battle of Utapu, I'm not sure that the death of Grievous is relevant to HOB, but you could add in that it was the last major battle before Order 66 was issued, since you talk about that next.
 * 55) *He kicked them off him and found - Who kicked who or what off?
 * 56) *I turned "sick bay" into a pipelink for Medical bay, as it is one that I have seen before. It is a redlink, but I believe that I will be taking care of that soon enough. Also, please remember that when adding links to articles, you should write the correct name of the link, not a redirect. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px">{{sup|<font color=#00A693>-talk- }} 23:40, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *How about now. Kilson Likes PIE 11:09, 08 April 09 (UTC)
 * 58) One thing:
 * 59) *"an era of continued slaying of Jedi" This should be rephrased to read a bit better. Otherwise, nice.  Chack Jadson {{sup|  (Talk) }} 18:37, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) **I changed it, feel free to edit it if you don't like what I said. Thanks for the review dude. Kilson Likes PIE 19:03, 13 April 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) **I really hope this works Kilson Likes PIE 18:09, 6 February 09 (UTC)
 * 2) Images aren't propely categorized. Mauser 19:40, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *Look good to me. Kilson likes PIE 20:33, 24 February 09 (UTC)
 * 4) **You kidding? The main image alone has no categories at all. Mauser 16:03, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Take a look now Kilson Likes PIE 18:46, 25 February 09 (UTC)

Mission to Mos Eisley (Galactic Civil War)

 * Nominated by:Kilson likes PIE
 * Nomination comments:I know this will work Kilson likes PIE 23:39, 13 February 09 (UTC)

(3 ACs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 00:24, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 06:49, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:35, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Cylka:
 * 2) * mission was at first thought to be a success and miracle rescue on the part of Renegade Squadron - Who thought that the mission was a miracle rescue, and why did they think so?
 * 3) **At the first cutscene at the end of the level, Col Serra said that it was a miracle rescue and a success, and he doesn't say exactly why but I would assume because the prisoners we so well guarded. Kilson Likes PIE 00:19, 01 March 09 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Alright, so this needs to be added into the article proper since right now it is only mentioned in the introduction.
 * 5) * Who put out the bounty on captured rebels? A bit of context is needed here.
 * 6) * Fett was able to disable to capture Ackbar and the Mon Calamarian's surviving crew men. - OK, this sentence needs more context, and I believe that it is missing some information as well. First off, disable what? And were they on a ship? And did some crewmen die when Fett was capturing them?
 * 7) **Should of caught that, sorry. And yes, some of the crew did apparently die, becuase Col says during the openning cutscene that Fett sold the surviving crew and droids as slaves and scrap. Kilson Likes PIE 00:19, 01 March 09 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Fett was able to disable Ackbar's ship over the planet using his ship - How did he use his ship to disable Ackbar's ship? This needs a bit more context.
 * 9) * Renegade Squadron needs to have a bit more context in the article proper before you jump into their deployment. This will also explain why they arrived on the Millennium Falcon. You have information about the Squadron exclusive to the introduction. Be careful of that. Whatever is written in the intro must be in the article.
 * 10) **You did a great job in introducing Renegade Squadron in the Battle of Korriban article, and I think you should do the same in this article.
 * 11) * In the article for the Unidentified Rodian contact here on Wookieepedia, it states that Renegade Squadron captured the cantina where they found the Rodian. Since I'm not sure of the validity of that article, could you please double check that information, and if it is factual, add it into this article.
 * 12) **It's factual, they captured it from the Imperials, I will add it. Kilson Likes PIE 00:19, 01 March 09 (UTC)
 * 13) * You need to add in the information that the Rebels were sold to the Hutt Cartel a bit earlier.
 * 14) * Han Solo needs context. This goes along with my earlier objection about context for the Renegade Squadron.
 * 15) * Although the generators were scattered around the city, they were pretty easy to find - Why were they easy to find? Who thought this? This sounds a bit speculative/NPOV, and should be rewritten a bit.
 * 16) **During the game, there's bright yellow floating arrows over each generator, and the generators appear on you tactial map too. Now obviously the floating arrows are a game mechanic, but I could put in that Col Serra quickly located the generators for the Squadron. How's that. Kilson Likes PIE 00:19, 01 March 09 (UTC)
 * 17) *Please make these changes, and then I'll look over the article again. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 02:43, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Check now dude. Kilson likes PIE 1:08, 01 March 09 (UTC)
 * 19) * As the liberated Rebels were rushing to their transport - Where did this transport come from? Did it come with Renegade Squadron? A bit more information is needed here.
 * 20) * Renegades destroyed the two Imperial walkers - How did they destroy them? Since this an important part of the rescue, a bit more context is needed.
 * 21) *Again, you did a good job in expanding the Battle of Korriban article, and I think that you should try to do the same with this article. Also make sure that all the details are added in. For example, in Wookieepedia's article on Boz Pity, it states that the R2 unit that accompanied Rogue Squadron belonged to Ackbar. While I don't know if this is accurate, small details such as that, can add a great deal to an article. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 05:50, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) *I expanded a little, how about now Kilson likes PIE 17:40, 10 March 09 (UTC)
 * 23) Grunny's first look:
 * 24) * Boba Fett needs some context when first mentioned in the intro.
 * 25) * "In the game, right after the Rodian contact agrees to help the player, Col Serra will ask if they can trust him or not. Solo then replies that he knows what happened to the last Rodian to double cross him in this cantina. This is obviously a reference to when Han shot Greedo at the Mos Eisley cantina in Star Wars Episode IV." Can you provide a source where this is confirmed as a reference otherwise this is OR.
 * 26) **There is no source, but you can tell it is a reference. I could put in likely or possibly instead of obviously, but I will get rid of it if you really find it necassary, but some things are just so obvious that you don't really need a reference. Kilson likes PIE 19:19, 07 March 09 (UTC)
 * 27) ***It still reads more like trivia, and doesn't really add to the article.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 00:17, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***If you really think so, I'll get rid of it. Kilson Likes PIE 20:21, 25 March 09 (UTC)
 * 29) * You mention that it occurred during the Galactic Civil War in the intro but not in the history. There should be no info in the intro which isn't also in the article body.
 * 30) * You need to clarify that the skirmish was between the Alliance and the Empire in the intro.
 * 31) *Ackbar needs context when first mentioned in the "Prelude".
 * 32) * "Fett was able to disable Ackbar's ship over the planet using his ship, Slave I, killing some of the crew, and capture the Mon Calamarian and the surviving crew." You need to clarify that Ackbar is the Mon Calamarian, don't assume the readers know who he is. This plays into the previous objection.
 * 33) * Han Solo and Col Serra need some context when first mentioned in the "Prelude".
 * 34) * Renegade Squadron needs a little context in the intro.
 * 35) *I'll re-review after you address these.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 08:08, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) **Check now about the other stuff, and thanks for all the help on the Battle of Koriban :) Kilson likes PIE 19:47, 07 March 09 (UTC)
 * 37) Cylka, round two:
 * 38) * I believe that this article needs to have a "Mission" infobox instead of a battle infobox, since it is stated that this was a mission to rescue prisoners.
 * 39) * You state that Serra orders the Renegades to the cantina just to find someone to talk, but in the next paragraph, you talk about how the Squadron captured the cantina. You need to clarify this progression of events.
 * 40) **Alright, so why would they want to capture the cantina? This needs to be explained.
 * 41) ***To find somebody to talk to about the prisoners. Kilson Likes PIE 18:41, 24 March 09 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Yes, but why capture the cantina, instead of simply going there. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 17:57, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *****Check now Kilson Likes PIE 15:06, 25 March 09 (UTC)
 * 44) * Renegade Squadron found a Rodian with rebel sympathies who agreed to take them to where the prisoners were being held. Renegade Squadron followed the Rodian, fending off additional Imperials who were trying to kill the Rodian before he could locate the prisoners - The first sentence makes it seem as if the Rodian knows where the prisoners are, while the second sentence makes it seem as if he is merely helping the Renegades. Please clarify this.
 * 45) * When linking in the article, try to add in the proper link, and not a redirect link.
 * 46) * This isn't an objection, but maybe an image could be found for the Freeing the prisoners section. Also maybe another quote or two could be found for the article. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 06:26, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **I can't find a Freeing the Prisoners pictures on the web, and I don't have the equipment to make one myself. There aren't many good quotes from that level of the game other that the one I already have up there. I could put up Serra shouting some orders? I addressed the other stuff though. Kilson Likes PIE 1:27, 21 March 09 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Fair enough. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 09:35, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) You need to mention the date in the intro and the body. Otherwise, good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:00, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *Addressed Kilson 10:26, 08 April 09 (UTC)
 * 51) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 52) *I am assuming this article has a conjectural title. If so, please apply the template and decapitalize it in the intro. You could also simply write something more inventive than the name of the article and just bold whatever word describes the subject. If the title is not conjectural, please provide the source for the name and note it, etc.
 * 53) *Use some alternatives for "Renegade Squadron," please.
 * 54) *Less overall detail of the action. The freeing of the prisoners could be fit into one compound sentence, for instance.
 * 55) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:45, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) **I don't think an article can have too much info. Every bit of information I gave is relevant and helps detail the skirmish. I addressed the other two objections though. Kilson Likes PIE (and he hopes you like it too) 10:42, 08 April 09 (UTC)
 * 57) Toprawa:
 * 58) *I don't understand why this article is a "skirmish" yet uses a "Mission" infobox. Either the article should be moved to "Mission to Tatooine" or something, or a different infobox should be used. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:48, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) **I chose skirmish because there are already several other pages on Wookieepedia with Mission to Tatooine in their titles, many of which take place in the Galactic Civil War. A reader might get confused with all the different pages with similar names. As for the infobox, I really don't know what to do. Cylka told me to use a Mission infobox instead of a battle infobox, and what other conflict infobox is out there besides those two. Kilson Likes PIE 11:49, 09 April 09 (UTC)
 * 60) ***I really don't care which you choose, but it should be one or the other for uniformity, though it seems like this should be under "Mission to Tatooine," regardless of how many others there are. Just come up with a new parenthetical description. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:52, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) ****I changed it, how about now. Kilson Likes PIE 04:53, 10 April 09 (UTC)

Comments

Little Bivoli

 * Nominated by: Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk  16:40, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:The ship may be a mess but the article (hopefully) isn't.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done, Nayayen.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:38, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Grunny's first look
 * 2) * It needs a "Description" section that includes its class and all the details of the design of the ship.
 * 3) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 11:15, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Overlinking/Underlinking: Check you link everything once in the intro and once in the article body.
 * 5) **Done (I'll keep tabs on this as I edit) Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 09:42, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Marn Heiroglyph needs some context in the intro.
 * 7) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 09:42, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Zayne Carrick could also use some more context in the intro.
 * 9) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 09:42, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * The Mandalorian Wars needs some mention in the intro.
 * 11) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 09:42, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * The Mandalorian Wars also needs mention in the History, providing context for the Battle of Serroco.
 * 13) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 11:15, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * You also need to provide some context for the Courageous battle group in the intro, and how the Little Bivoli was forced to join.
 * 15) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 09:42, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Padawan Massacre of Taris needs context in its first mention.
 * 17) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 11:15, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *** "On Ralltiir, the Snivvian black marketeer Marn Hierogryph and Jedi Padawan Zayne Carrick, the falsely accused perpetrator of the Padawan Massacre of Taris, an attempt by the Jedi Covenant to prevent the Rogue Moon Prophecy from coming to fruition, were forced to look for a new ship after their previous Arkanian offshoot companions, Jarael and Camper left on their ship, the Last Resort, to find a cure for Camper's illness on Arkania." This sentence has become unruly by trying to provide context, as now you would have to provide context for both the Jedi Covenant and the Rogue Moon Prophecy. It may be better to say something like: "the falsely accused perpetrator of the Padawan Massacre of Taris, where four Padawans were killed by their Masters..." since going into such detail is unnecessary as this article is about the Little Bivoli. Or perhaps something like: "Jedi Padawan Zayne Carrick, the falsely accused killer of four fellow Padawans at the Padawan Massacre of Taris..." Have a play with the sentence but try to simplify it :).
 * 19) ****Done, imagine the linking if that was the first sentence in the article; I count 17. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 17:01, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "At one point Gryph went to see why the supply of clean plates for the buffet was low and found Zayne using the Force to keep him from loosing his mind until, for yet another time, Zayne was forced to abandon his meditation when one of the serving droids dropped a tray of food on a soldier's coat." Why was Zayne loosing his mind?
 * 21) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 11:15, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * The Battle of Serroco needs to mentioned explicitly in "History".
 * 23) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 11:15, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Upon arriving on Serroco with the Republic fleet, the Bivoli continued its role as a provisioning ship." You need to mention that it was a provisioning ship earlier than in the history. Possibly in explaining why the Courageous ordered them into formation.
 * 25) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 09:42, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * In the Bts, you may want to include who wrote the issue and who drew the ship.
 * 27) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 11:15, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *I'll re-review after you address these.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:13, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Grunny's second look
 * 30) * You may also want to add a "Commanders and crew" section, using this current CT as a guide. Although it hasn't passed yet it is a good guide for the layout.
 * 31) **Done, put it as "Owners and operators"; seems more fitting. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 15:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * "They were ordered to merge into formation for a hyperspace jump bound to Serroco given that the Bivoli had often served as a provisioning ship for the Navy throughout the Mandalorian Wars." The Mandalorian Wars needs some more context here.
 * 33) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 15:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Carth Onasi could also use a little bit more context, i.e. "a [insert his position here] in the Courageous battle group."
 * 35) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 15:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Admiral Saul Karath also needs some context as the leader of the Courageous battle group.
 * 37) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 15:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * In the "Destruction" section, you need to mention that Carrick and Gryph found another way off Serroco.
 * 39) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 15:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *Good work so far, Nayayen :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:50, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * The images are too clustered together. Spread them out and make sure they alternate throughout the article (i.e. don't have two in a row on the right-hand side).
 * 42) **I had some issues getting this to look right but I've got it now. Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 17:01, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *Almost there :-). Make sure you address the remaining objection in my first look.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 00:38, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) Lucky number three
 * 45) * You need to either connect the nickname Gryph to Marn Heirogryh, or simply refer to him as Heirogryph throughout. You can't assume the reader knows they are the same person.
 * 46) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 14:01, 22 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * In the description section you have put all the references at the end of the paragraph but not all the information appears in all those sources. You need to reference the information where it appears. For example, "The Aurebesh for "Little Bivoli" could be seen on the sides of the ship above the sections which folded out." The aurebesh doesn't appear in the KotOR Campaign Guide so it can't be referenced to it.
 * 48) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 14:01, 22 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * Is it possible expand the "Description" section to include things like its manufacturer, defensive capabilities or any other information you can find? Maybe that it was staffed by serving droids?
 * 50) **Done Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] Talk 14:01, 22 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) *Getting so close :-). Make sure to read over any changes you make and relate them to previous objections to avoid creating more.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:11, 22 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Cylka:
 * 53) *In the KotOR handbook it says that Slyysk was kicked out of the Raff Syndicate before he learned how to pilot ships. It then goes to say that he stole the ship for Heirogryph. Please double check whether Slyysk is a member or former member of the Raff pirates.
 * 54) *It was stolen from its original owners on Ralltiir by the Trandoshan Slyssk, a member of the Raff Syndicate, a pirate organization. It was stolen for the Snivvian black - Try to change around the beginning of one of these sentences. Both of them starting with "It was stolen" doesn't read that well.
 * 55) *Characters should be referred to by their last name, if possible, once they are introduced. I have changed "Gryph" to "Heirogryph" whenever I found an instance, but please check the article to make sure I didn't miss any.
 * 56) *Now that I did that, Heirogryph is used too many times in the article. Try to mix it up by using the Snivvian or black marketeer.
 * 57) *Fringer is mentioned in the introduction, but not in the article proper. Also, the term fringer needs some context as to what it is.
 * 58) *The Aurebesh for "Little Bivoli" could be seen on the sides of the ship above the sections which folded out.[6] - This sentence sounds a bit OOU. The characters in the SW universe know what Aurebesh is. Maybe you could rewrite this to say that the ship's name was written on the ship, and pipelink to the Aurebesh article.
 * 59) *Is it possible to detail the description a bit more? In issues 14 and 15 we get a pretty detailed look at the ship. Since it is a mess ship, maybe you could go into a bit more detail about the "dining area" and galley. For instance, it appears as if the ship can fold out to provide a floor and awning overhead. These kinds of details would really add a lot to the article.
 * 60) *In the first paragraph of the Acquisition section you talk about Carrick and Heirogryph needing to find a ship before mentioning the why they need to. This should be the other way around.
 * 61) *Little did Carrick know, Heirogryph had hired the Trandoshan Slyssk, a member of the Raff Syndicate, a pirate organization, to steal a ship. - The "Little did Carrick know" makes it seem as if you are leading up to some kind of important revelation, but nothing is revealed. If there isn't going to be an important piece of information revealed, the beginning of the sentence should be rewritten.
 * 62) *After a short discussion between the two, Carrick burst out in laughter at the futility of Heirogryph's argument. - What argument is this? All you stated in the previous sentence was that Heirogryph and Slyssk were talking. This needs to be clarified a bit more, or removed.
 * 63) *Heirogryph pulled him out of the way fooling Slyssk into making a life-debt to Heirogryph. - What does this life debt have to do with the ship? What importance does it have? Either it needs to have context in relation to the ship. or it needs to be removed.
 * 64) *At this point the previous owners arrived and started shooting at the trio and deciding to drop the matter in favor of saving themselves, Slyssk, Carrick and Heirogryph piled onto the Bivoli and took off. - This sentence could use a bit of a rewrite. The "... and ... and..." doesn't read that well. Also I believe that a different word other than "piled" would work better here. It gives the impression that they had to cram themselves into the ship.
 * 65) *Maybe it would be better if you wrote that Heirogryph decided to continue with the ship's role as a provisioning ship. And maybe add in a bit as to why.
 * 66) *According to Heirogryph, Trandoshans such as Slyssk weren't known for being good cooks because no-one had ever asked them to. - The ending of this sentence hangs a bit.
 * 67) *Carrick was relegated to dish-washing and often it seemed, did not do so - I thought that he was dish-washing since the dish-washing droid had a malfunction. Can you please check on this.
 * 68) *Carrick was forced to abandon his meditation when one of the serving droids dropped a tray of food on a soldier's coat. After a brief meeting with Carth Onasi, a lieutenant in the Courageous battle group, Carrick went to find Heirogryph counting large piles of credits in a room in the ship and stated how he felt they should pull out before the Mandalorians arrived. - These sentences don't seem to connect with each other very well. How are they related? To someone that doesn't know the story, this would enlighten them. How does Onasi fit into all of this besides Carrick meeting him? And what does all of this have to do with the Bivoli?
 * 69) *It was now that Carrick had his Force vision of the Mandalorians bombing Serroco, what would later be the turning point of the imminent Battle of Serroco, - I was under the impression that the bombing was "The Battle of Serroco."
 * 70) *Is there any other information about the Bivoli in John Jackson Miller's blog?
 * 71) * Please take care of these objections and I will take another look at this article. Also, please remember that on Wookieepedia, American English is used. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 17:04, 21 March 2009 (UTC)

Gelesi

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:54, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: In the name of the Face of Revan!

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 03:48, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) You need to provide some more context in the bio section regarding his choice to support the Queen. I know it is mentioned in the intro, but needs to be in the bio as well. Also, doesn't it need light-side tags seeing as the dark-side path is in the Bts? --Eyrezer 04:04, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *It is mentioned in the Bio and I've added the tags. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 08:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **The addition you made to the intro re the Queen is good. But what I was suggesting is that the extra context should be placed in the Biography section, rather than the intro. As it is currently, the intro has more info of the Queen/Vaklu conflict than the biography. --Eyrezer 21:30, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***How's this? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:31, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Yep.
 * 6) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 7) * Was the CSWE checked?
 * 8) **Yes, I'm told there is nothing significant. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Young" is pretty subjective. Please remove.
 * 10) **Removed NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * Mentioning that he lives in Iziz, and not just plain Onderon, is essential in both the intro and bio.
 * 12) **Done
 * 13) * Context for Talia's and Vaklu's ideals in the intro.
 * 14) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:42, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Context for the Onderon Civil War in the intro.
 * 16) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:46, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Context for the Second Battle of Onderon in the intro.
 * 18) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:42, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Do we know he was only one of three total Captains of the Guard for Iziz? It sounds speculative.
 * 20) **Yes we do. That girl who wants them gone if the Exile sides with Vaklu says so. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "Gelesi did not fall victim to a murder" – This is pretty evident. It's also pretty much unnecessary. Please either reword considerably or remove.
 * 22) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Context for the Jedi Exile.
 * 24) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:42, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Context for Kavar.
 * 26) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 14:20, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * There is zero setup for the political situation. Please expand the bio with the necessary information.
 * 28) * From the intro and P&T, I can tell that this article is far from complete in terms of telling his story as part of the larger situation. Please expand it appropriately. I'll continue my review at that point. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:10, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Cylka:
 * 30) * Iziz wasn't a major or a large city on Onderon, it was the only city. Please change the intro and article body to reflect this.
 * 31) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Was Sullio his good friend? If she was, you need to add that to the article proper as well.
 * 33) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * You give two different versions of Sullio's murder -- one in the intro the other in the article body. Please correct them so that they will be the same.
 * 35) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * In the introduction, I believe everything will flow a bit more smoothly if you introduce the political situation first, then the fact that Gelesi is torn between them.
 * 37) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * wanted to secede from the Rebublic as they felt it was dragging Onderon into to many conflicts. - What is this it, that is dragging Onderon into too many conflicts? Please clarify.
 * 39) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * He was among the soldiers that verified a visa belonging to the Jedi Exile, a woman in search of any surviving Jedi High Council members to help her in eliminating the Sith Triumvirate, as she was in a rush to leave the planet. - There is almost zero context for any of this information. We really don't know who the Exile was, or why she was an Exile. What exactly happened to the Jedi High Council, in that there are only survivors. Who is the Sith Triumvirate, and why do they need to be eliminated. And why is she in a rush to leave the planet? You either need to give some context or you need to streamline the information that you are going to give.
 * 41) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:42, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * Why did the Onderon Civil War start? And I believe that you should pipelink the Second Battle of Onderon, otherwise you will have to explain why it is the second battle and not the first.
 * 43) **That is explained because the political situation escalated. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * I'm not sure that you can say that Gelesi was the youngest of the three Captains. That is a bit subjective. Same with him being Human. What is your source for that?
 * 45) **He is obviously human. He even has the face of a confirmed human. If you argue that, what is the source for Bostuco, Andi, Carth, or Jolee? There are no Cylons in Star Wars. Also, Andi calls him the youngest of the guards so the info is valid. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * I also wouldn't say that the Republic dragged Onderon into the wars. It was more like Onderon, as part of the Republic, had a responsibility to take part in these wars.
 * 47) **The opinion of the Vakluists was that they were "dragging" them into the conficts but I have an idea for a compromise on this one though it may be a bit wordy.
 * 48) * though in actuality the Hawk was the one attacked by the Onderon Military. - Why was the Hawk attacked by the Onderon Military?
 * 49) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * The Exile was in a rush to escape the planet after a meeting with Kavar, a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who went into hiding following an event that crippled the Jedi Order's numbers, that was interrupted by an attack by Vaklu's men. - This sentence is a bit disjointed. It appears that you just slapped some information in the middle of a previous sentence without trying to integrate the new information. Whay was the Exile in a rush? You need to contextify this "event" a bit more. What was interrupted by Vaklu's men?
 * 51) **Done, as well, It states that the meeting between Kavar and the Exile is interrupted. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * By the time the Exile returned, after meeting with another Master, Onderon had fallen into full-scale civil war between the Royalists and Vakluist faction. - Why did the Exile return? I believe that you can cut out the part about her meeting another Master, since it has nothing to do with this article.
 * 53) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * The Exile took a military command of the Royalist forces and pressed across the Sky Ramp, a walkway to the Iziz Royal Palace, fighting her way to the top alongside Bostuco and his men. - Why did the Exile take military command, and why did they need to get to the Palace? And to the top of what did they fight their way?
 * 55) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * You should make it clear right from the start, and not the end, that the non-canonical version means that the Exile has sided with Vakklu from the beginning.
 * 57) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * In the Bts, why did Anda want the removal of the three Captains?
 * 59) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * Who are the Beast Riders? They need some context in the Bts.
 * 61) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * Another way to remove him is to have Panar, a Beast Rider working under Bakkel who frequented the Beast Rider's Den in the cantina, threaten to kidnap and marry his four-year old daughter if she chooses to support General Vaklu. - You need to fix your use of pronouns in this sentence. It is quite unclear who thinks what.
 * 63) **Done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:42, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * What do you mean about being dark sided. Some one who is not familiar with the game, may not understand this.
 * 65) **Contextified. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * I believe that the Prima Guide needs to be listed as a source as well.
 * 67) **Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Again there are numerous spelling mistakes along with many linking issues. You also need to check your use of pronouns. Please check over the whole article.
 * 69) **There was only three, if you see it then take the 2 seconds it takes you using your internet and do it.
 * 70) * Please take care of these objections and I will look over the article again. I realize that some of my objections may fall under, but you have already promoted three articles to GA status, and so you know what kinds of things to look out for. Each of your previous articles, plus the ones that you currently have on the GAN page all have the same issues with them. You make the changes necessary to fix objections, but they appear to be somewhat hasty, and at times create additional issues. At this point, I am not inclined to give you much leeway. You have had plenty of time and practice to learn the ropes. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 12:04, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) **Look, I'm a bad speller, I haven't taken a spelling test since 5th grade. I do well enough and I ask that if you see it, fix it. As well, I know the ropes well enough, I've been a wookieepedian longer than you so I ask that you please take your expectations of me and leave them at the door. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ***Look, Naru, the "I've been a wookieepedian longer than you" bit is unneeded and I don't like what you're implying with that. Cylka is right in that you should not be making the same mistakes over and over. Anyway, in the future, put the article into Word and spellcheck it. That's what I do before nominating things, and it works.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:06, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ****Yes, that was probably uncalled for but I assure you that there were no implications with it. And yes, I'll do that from now on not that I hadn't already done that in the past. However, by striking her objections without voting, Cylka has made her opinion quite obvious and I see no use of prolonging this conversation.  NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:02, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Confrontation on Ambria

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster 22:57, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I've worked on this article for a while, and I believe it's ready for nomination.

(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:59, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 16:56, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy  [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 20:14, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:25, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 20:30, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Grunny
 * 2) * This is a conjecturally-titled article, so the title of the article should not appear at the start of the article or anywhere else.
 * 3) **Addressed Jonjedigrandmaster 16:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Darovit needs some context in the intro.
 * 5) **Done Jonjedigrandmaster 14:55, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *** It would be better to provide context for him on his first mention in the intro, i.e. "duel between failed Jedi Padawan Darovit..." or something like that.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:06, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Done Jonjedigrandmaster 16:56, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Darth Bane needs a little more context in the intro (i.e. reigning Dark Lord of the Sith).
 * 9) **Done Jonjedigrandmaster 14:55, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Duel on Tython also needs some context in the intro.
 * 11) **Done Jonjedigrandmaster 14:55, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *** You've become too detailed, provide a basic context just so the reader has an idea.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:06, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Done, thanks for your help Jonjedigrandmaster 16:56, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Need to be clearer in the intro on what the "lasting effects on the galaxy" are.
 * 15) **Is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster 14:55, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *** You should put this at the end of the intro so the information is chronological.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:06, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Done Jonjedigrandmaster 16:56, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Darth Bane also needs context when first mentioned in the Prelude, and explain what the orbalisks are.
 * 19) **Done...or should I put in more about the orbalisks? Jonjedigrandmaster 16:56, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Duel on Tython once again needs context when first mentioned in the Prelude. Here is where Farfalla should first be mentioned.
 * 21) **Done Jonjedigrandmaster 16:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * There are a few short choppy sentences throughout, such as "Not even Caleb himself knew where she was.", "Zannah was hesitant at first." and "They were led by the Twi'lek Jedi Master Tho'natu."; integrate them into other sentences or expand them. Try to use more complex sentences for a better quality of writing.
 * 23) **Addressed...let me know if there're any I've missed. Jonjedigrandmaster 16:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * You need to explain the lasting effect on the galaxy in the aftermath, maybe by referencing other sources, in which case you need to reference the whole article.
 * 25) **Is this better, or should I do more? Jonjedigrandmaster 15:13, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Noticing Darovit's missing hand, he guessed that Darovit had been grievously injured and had come to Caleb for help, and the healer had sent the message to the Jedi shortly after Darovit's arrival." The two "and"s is awkward, this should be reworded.
 * 27) **Addressed Jonjedigrandmaster 15:04, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "Tho'natu and the other Jedi attacked the insane young man, killing him in seconds." Didn't he attack the Jedi?
 * 29) **Fixed Jonjedigrandmaster 15:04, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) *I'll review more thoroughly after you work through these.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 04:19, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * In addressing the context issues in the intro you have become too detailed. The intro is now too long for an article of this size; the intro for this article should be either one decently sized paragraph or two shortish paragraphs. In the intro give very basic context on characters and events, ask me on my talk page if you want help with this :).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:06, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) A second look
 * 33) * Check for over/underlinking; link once in the intro and once in the article body.
 * 34) **Done Jonjedigrandmaster 15:47, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * You could possibly expand a bit on the lasting effects.
 * 36) **Is this good? Jonjedigrandmaster 15:47, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * Also, you now need to reference those lasting effects, (i.e. reference Invasion of Naboo to The Phantom Menace) which means you need to reference the entire article to Rule of Two.
 * 38) **Have I done this correctly? This is the first article I've sourced Jonjedigrandmaster 16:14, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ***You got it mostly right :). Take a look at the changes I made to get an idea of how to do it.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:50, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ****Ok, thanks for your help! Jonjedigrandmaster 13:13, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * In the "Aftermath" section you should change one of the "guessed"'s.
 * 42) **Done Jonjedigrandmaster 15:47, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *You're doing well, Jon :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:02, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * For clarity, mention the date of the confrontation in the "Prelude" section.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:50, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) **Done Jonjedigrandmaster 13:13, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * Also, work into the article body that Darovit was a failed Padawan, since that's the context you use in the intro. Other than that, great work Jon :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:59, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **Thanks! Done Jonjedigrandmaster 21:20, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "He chose this event to be the final encounter between the Jedi and Sith that led to the belief, presented in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, that the Sith had been eradicated from the galaxy." Do you have a source that verifies this statement? Since there is a third Darth Bane novel coming out I don't think this should be assumed unless it can be verified.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:23, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Removed, and I rewrote part of the Bts section. Should I add more to it? Jonjedigrandmaster 02:43, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) Cylka:
 * 51) * In the intro, you need to make it clear that the Duel on Tython took place before the events on Ambria.
 * 52) **Addressed?Jonjedigrandmaster 20:16, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * took Bane to the healer Caleb on Ambria, who refused to heal the dying Dark Lord unless Zannah turned him in to the Jedi Order. Zannah accepted Caleb's demands and sent word to the Jedi that a Sith still lived, only to betray and murder him after his part of the bargain - Please be careful of your use of pronouns. It is somewhat unclear as to who you are referring to in these two sentences.
 * 54) **Addressed.Jonjedigrandmaster 20:16, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * I believe it would be a good idea to clarify in the introduction that the Jedi believed that Davorit was the Sith Lord, Since Zannah had hidden herself along with Bane.
 * 56) **Done.Jonjedigrandmaster 20:16, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * I'm not sure the use of the word "trap" in the introduction is appropriate since Zannah didn't want to trap the Jedi, as much as trick them.
 * 58) **Addressed.Jonjedigrandmaster 20:16, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * I think that "the galaxy" is used too often in the last two sentences of the introduction. See if you can change that around a bit.
 * 60) **Addressed?Jonjedigrandmaster 20:16, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * A little bit more information is needed about Davorit since he is central to the events on Ambria. Why was he with Zannah and Bane in the first place. He was a failed Padawan, but was he dark sided? Why was he pressuring Zannah to turn herself and Bane in?
 * 62) **Fixed? Jonjedigrandmaster 20:50, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) *** Much better, just a little more clarification is needed. If Davorit was a redeemed Sith, make sure that is clear in both the introduction and article body. Saying that he was a failed Padawan and Sith is a bit unclear. And in the introduction you need to clarify why Davorit was on Ambria. You did a nice job explaining it in the article, now the intro needs a little work.
 * 64) ****Better? Jonjedigrandmaster 17:18, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * In the introduction you say that Zannah used the Force to drive Darovit insane, but in the article proper, you say that she used Sith Alchemy. This needs to be resolved.
 * 66) **Addressed.Jonjedigrandmaster 20:16, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) * I think you should make it clear that the lightsaber Zannah gave Davorit, was the golden lightsaber. I think that it could be fit in right before he attacks the Jedi.
 * 68) **Done. Jonjedigrandmaster 20:50, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) * Darovit attacked Tho'natu and the other Jedi, and they fell upon him, killing him in seconds. - Did the Jedi fall upon him? Or did they simply defend themselves. It seems to me that the fell upon him has some negative connotations, as if they attacked him for no reason. It may be better to use something different here.
 * 70) **As I recall from the novel, they did attack him; I don't think it was worded as defending themselves. I tried rewording the sentence, though, is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster 20:50, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * A bit of context is needed for Coruscant. WHy would the Jedi take Caleb there for a proper burial?
 * 72) **That's a good question, and I'm not exactly sure what to add...any suggestions? Jonjedigrandmaster 20:50, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ***Well, if they wanted to take him back for a proper burial, but didn't say exactly why, maybe you could add in a little bit of information about the Temple. Maybe how it was the Jedi "headquarters" or something to that effect. A sentence or two will suffice. Just enough to give the Temple some significance.
 * 74) ****Better, or should I try to expand it more? Jonjedigrandmaster 17:18, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) *****I changed the wording slightly since you had already mentioned earlier that Coruscant was the location of the Jedi Temple.
 * 76) * Context is needed for the Clone Wars, and what did the Invasion of Naboo have to do with them. And then how do the Great Jedi Purge and Galactic Empire connect to them.
 * 77) **Better? Do you have suggestions on more I could do with this? Jonjedigrandmaster 20:50, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ***What I would suggest here is adding in how the Invasion of Naboo led to the Separatist Crisis, which then led to the Clone Wars and ultimately the Great Jedi Purge, and the Galactic Empire. You would probably do well by pipelinking some of these conflicts. For example: as they organized the Invasion of Naboo, leading to a division in the Republic, and ultimately orchestrating a galactic war from both sides of the conflict, ensuring their victory. The war lead to the dissolution of the Republic, which gave the Sith the opportunity to carry out the Great Jedi Purge, nearly eradicating the Jedi, and returning the balance of power to the dark side. Finally, the Sith ruled the galaxy as the first Galactic Empire. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 13:31, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ****Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster 17:36, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *Good work. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 19:51, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Act in haste and you give your enemy the advantage...
 * 82) * "Before he could was able to speak out, however, he ran into Zannah, who was disguised as Nalia Adollu." Who is Nalia Adollu?
 * 83) **Explained.
 * 84) * "Fearing that she would be exposed, Zannah took him with her to meet her Master, Darth Bane, Dark Lord of the Sith and founder of the Order of the Sith Lords&hellip;" If you are going to speak of the OotSL here, a tad bit more context needs to be added. Personally, I don't think that reference to the OotSL is necessary, because you use it as context for Bane, but you give sufficient context for him by calling him DLotS, IMO.
 * 85) **Removed.
 * 86) * "Fearing that Bane would return and threaten her again, Caleb had sent his daughter away, making her move to another planet and change her name." Which planet is this "another planet"? If it is unknown, then that needs to be specified, as well.
 * 87) **Specified.
 * 88) * "Zannah devised a plan that included killing Caleb, and used her skills in Sith Alchemy&hellip;" Zannah was a Sorceress; not an alchemist. Make sure that this is correct throughout.
 * 89) **Addressed.
 * 90) * "The Jedi, mistakenly convinced that they had finally destroyed the last of the Sith, took Caleb's remains to Coruscant&mdash;the capital of the galaxy, and a center of importance for Jedi&mdash;" I don't think the "center of importance for Jedi&mdash;" is necessary.
 * 91) **Removed.
 * 92) * "Zannah's actions would allow the Sith to remain hidden from the Jedi for nearly a millennium," Specify the year(s) please with regards to "nearly a millennium".
 * 93) **Specified.
 * 94) * I think that the BtS could be beefed up a tad bit more, explaining how the author tied in these events with those of the Phantom Menace. IMO.
 * 95) **Better?
 * 96) **As a note, Grunny pointed out earlier that this connection isn't definitely verified, as there is a third Darth Bane novel coming out, and there may be more confrontations with Jedi in that. Jonjedigrandmaster  [[Image:Jedi symbol.svg|20px]] ( Jedi beacon ) 19:58, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) ***Yes, but that is not until December. For now, we go with what we know. What you have added is sufficient. —Tommy [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 20:14, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) *Otherwise, good work. —Tommy [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 18:36, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  [[Image:Jedi symbol.svg|20px]] ( Jedi beacon ) 19:54, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Tjulan Kwaad

 * Nominated by: -- Harrar 14:09, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another Kwaad for my collection

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Dark Lord Trayus 03:28, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 08:28, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 01:20, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Cylka:
 * 2) * What is the heresy that Mezhan Kwaad and Nen Yim committed? This needs a bit more context.
 * 3) * I believe a little context for villip would be beneficial for the uninitiated.
 * 4) *Nice article. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 01:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks. See what you think, I believe I've rectified matters. -- Harrar 14:05, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) You could use a little more context when first mentioning Onimi. As is, the "true power behind the Yuuzhan Vong" is a little confusing. Otherwise, nice work, Harrar.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:11, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * If Tjulan is mentioned in the CSWE I would be very grateful if someone could transcribe the entry on mine or his talk pages. -- Harrar 14:09, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

Nuvo Vindi

 * Nominated by: Dark Lord Trayus 03:13, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first article and nom. :D I'm a man now!

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looked over article (and edited), and it looks good to me. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:53, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:51, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 00:11, 22 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Looks great. Artoo-Droid--A strong belief can be more powerful than any army. 03:41, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job -- SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:40, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:25, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A quick look from Soresu
 * 2) *Good to see you having a go at a GA. A few preliminaries:
 * 3) ** Infobox should be sourced.
 * 4) ***All sourced up.Dark Lord Trayus 05:18, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ** There should be no sourcing in the intro.
 * 6) ***Desourced.Dark Lord Trayus 05:18, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ** There must be a source at the end of each paragraph.
 * 8) ***Paragraphically sourced.Dark Lord Trayus 05:18, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ** It is possible that his underground laboratory was built in this year, during the Trade Federation Invasion of Naboo. This is speculation and should be removed, unless it is specifically stated in the source.
 * 10) ***Its in the guide, towards the bottom in the trivia & details section.Dark Lord Trayus 05:18, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****I still not too sure it should be there. I was thinking about moving it to the bts. Can any ACs butt in? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:41, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *****I'll butt in here. I think that this does need to be moved to the Bts. All we know for certain is that the laboratory is there, and Vindi is using it. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 05:16, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *I will take a more thorough look after these are done. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:16, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Are you sure you've covered the entire episode? Looking at the episode guide, I can find a number of facts that are not presented in the article. I think it could still use some expansion. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:58, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Cylka's first look:
 * 16) * You still have instances of redundant ref tags in some of the paragraphs. Please double check the article.
 * 17) **I'm not very good at this sourcing stuff, so im not 100% sure where tags are needed and where they're not. Could you help me haha?Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Alright, you need to fix the reference tags throughout the whole article. First, the ref tags in the infobox are incorrect. I have already changed the first one for you . Please pay attention to the    as they are only to be used in the infobox references. Now, <ref name="BSV">  form is used the first time you are using a new reference, the next time you want to use the reference in the article you want to use this form  . Please go through the article and change all of the reference tags. If you are having problems, let me know.
 * 19) **Hahaha i'm having many many many sourcing issues. Haha i tried the nowiki thingy or whatever its called and now its appearing on the page and im utterly confused haha.  I feel really stupid when it comes to this stuff - can you help me? :E Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Words such as "Unfortunately" and "Luckily" are POVish, and they need to be removed. Please go through the article and make that you maintain a neutral point-of-view.
 * 21) **I removed the luckily, but I'm not sure the unfortunately needs to be removed because it specifically says "Unfortunately for Dr. Vindi". So its not really POV if it says that its unfortunate for him, right?Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Who specifically says "unfortunately"? Articles should be written with as much neutrality as possible, so if unfortunately isn't the sentiment of someone specific, I feel that it would be better to leave it out.
 * 23) ****Removed. Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Just from reading the episode guides, I can see that you can expand on the Virus is released section. Since this an important scene for Vindi, his actions should be fairly detailed.
 * 25) **Expanded. I think I have everyhing now.Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * You haven't included anything about Vindi being cuffed and transported on the shuttle. His capture, and later events need to be detailed.
 * 27) **Added.Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Although brilliant, he evidently suffered problems with his sanity following his disappearance. - We don't know what he was like before his disappearance. He may have had problems with his sanity before as well. This is speculation, and needs to be removed.
 * 29) **Fixed. And expanded P&T.Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * The Bts needs to be expanded to include information such as in which episodes he appeared. This is also where you should include the speculation about the lab.
 * 31) **Info added.Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * The character was fitted with a noticable German accent, reminiscent of a stereotypical Nazi scientist. - If you can't source this, it needs to be removed. Only information that is sourced can be included in the article.
 * 33) **Thats something i've removed several times. I dunno why, but someone keeps adding it. Its gone for now.Dark Lord Trayus 21:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *Please take care of these objections, and I'll go through the article again. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 05:13, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Cylka's second look:
 * 36) * The first paragraph of the Disappearance section is unsourced, as well as the next to last paragraph in the Virus is released section.
 * 37) **Sourced. I think I did it correctly. Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * When you first introduce Vindi's laboratory, you should mention exactly where it was located, not just that it was on Naboo.
 * 39) **Done.Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * How did Amidala and Binks become involved in the investigation? You jump from the Queen sending Typho to investigate, to Amidal and Binks without a transition.
 * 41) **Done I believe.Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * tactical droid,[2] which carried a slug-beetle native to the perlote tree. Because of this, Senator Padmé Amidala and Representative Jar Jar Binks started looking for the virus's source in the Gungan swamp lands - Because of what, did Amidala and Binks start looking in the swamp lands? You need to make it clear that they started searching in the swamps only because the tree was found in the swamp.
 * 43) **I think I fixed it. I removed the tree but kept the beetle. Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Both in the introduction and in the article, it is not clear what sort of positions Kenobi, Skywalker, and Tano had in the Jedi Order. You need to clarify this.
 * 45) **Fixed.Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * Why are the Jedi now involved in the investigation? How and when did they come to Naboo? This needs to be clarified a bit.
 * 47) **Got it in there. Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * During his flight to the hangar, Vindi remotely activated the bombs, causing greater problems for Kenobi's clone bomb squad. - Why did this cause greater problems for the bomb squad?
 * 49) **I explained a bit, but other than that isnt it kind of self-explanitory that active bombs would be a problem for a bomb squad? Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ***Yes, but were the bombs on a timer or something else that would make them more problematic than usual?
 * 51) * The droid had snuck back into the bomb storage room and reactivated one of them, - What had the droid reactivated? A bomb? or something else? This is a bit unclear.
 * 52) **Done. Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * In the Bts, I think it would be a good idea to add in how long ago before these events, had the Trade Federation invaded Naboo.
 * 54) **Done. Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) *The article is almost ready. :-) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 03:01, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * I think it would be better if you could combine the last two paragraphs in the P/T. Try to avoid short paragraphs as much as possible.
 * 57) **Combined. Dark Lord Trayus 20:08, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Finally, it appears that the introduction needs to be expanded a bit more in order to include a good summary of the information found in the article proper. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 14:10, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) **Expanded. Dark Lord Trayus 20:08, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * The image of Vindi pointing his blaster cannot be in the Discovery section, since it does not apply to those events. You need to have a different image there. The earlier virus image was OK, but see if an image related to those specific events is available. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 07:28, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) **Taken care of. Dark Lord Trayus 17:28, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) Soresu's final objections
 * 63) * In the body, you say that he was 'working' for the Confederacy, but in the intro, you merely say 'associated'. I would try to keep the consistency. If there is canon evidence that he was employed, then the intro should relect that.
 * 64) **Kept associated and changed "working for" to "working with". Dark Lord Trayus 01:25, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Similar to the last objection, the body says that he became 'obsessed' with recreating the virus, while the intro says that he was 'tasked' with the job.
 * 66) **Changed tasked to obsessed. Dark Lord Trayus 01:25, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) * planned to release on key Republic star systems. Why would he have any reason to release the virus on the Republic systems? I would suggest context on the Clone Wars when it is first mentioned in the intro.
 * 68) **How do you suggest I do that without it disrupting the essential info in the intro. Just wondering because Argyus, an FA, has no context whatsoever in the intro. Dark Lord Trayus 01:25, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) *** Just because Argyus is an FA doesn't always make it right. Something like Nuvo Vindi was a male scientist employed by the Perma families until he went missing in 32 BBY. Reappearing on Naboo as a Confederacy of Independent Systems scientist during the Clone Wars, a conflict between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy, he became obsessed with recreating the eradicated Blue Shadow Virus, a deadly water-borne plague that resulted in instantaneous death. This gives context on the Clone Wars without disrupting the flow too much. It also removes the redundant first sentence (something which I just realised). Of course, feel free to mix a few of the words to match your own writing style.  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:32, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ****You were right, that does look much better. Dark Lord Trayus 00:39, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * By 22 BBY, Vindi reappeared, and was found to be working for the Confederacy of Independent Systems in an underground laboratory in the eastern swamps of Naboo. The Clone Wars should be mentioned here. I would suggest In 22 BBY, during the Clone Wars, Vindi reappeared, and was found to be working for the Confederacy of Independent Systems in an underground laboratory in the eastern swamps of Naboo. Oh, and with context on the Clone Wars.
 * 72) **Fixed. Dark Lord Trayus 01:25, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * Some context on Coruscant and Iego in the body.
 * 74) **Fin. Dark Lord Trayus 01:25, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) *It's almost there. You've done a great job expanding it. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 08:47, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 77) * Mention in the intro that Kenobi and Skywalker were the ones who went to Iego.
 * 78) **Mentioned. Dark Lord Trayus 08:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * Rex should probably be mentioned at least once in the article.
 * 80) **Got him in there twice ;) Dark Lord Trayus 08:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * Context on the Reeksa plant and the LaserWeb Defense Station is needed.
 * 82) **I think I contextified enough. Dark Lord Trayus 08:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) *Nice job for your first nom. Grand Moff Tranner[[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:14, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) **Thank you very much. Dark Lord Trayus 08:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * One more thing: I believe that it was mentioned in "Mystery of a Thousand Moons" that the Separatists had abandoned Iego; therefore, mentioning that the LaserWeb's destruction meant the loss of Iego for the CIS would be false. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 11:11, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) *Good catch, thanks. Dark Lord Trayus 18:51, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Haha I actually think I made it worse with the whole sourcing thing... sorry Dark Lord Trayus 21:08, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Duqua Dar

 * Nominated by:  Grunny  ( Talk ) 08:59, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A companion piece to Acaadi

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 08:56, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Worked out the bugs earlier. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 02:20, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster 20:32, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Next stop: FAN page. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:46, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Ordo Skirata

 * Nominated by:ToRsO bOy 18:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First article. Oh boy.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Your first vote. Good job! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Grunny's preliminary look
 * 2) *Before I get into the depth of the article, at a glance:
 * 3) ** Infobox needs to be completely sourced.
 * 4) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ** Intro paragraphs should be combined into two paragraphs, to clean it up.
 * 6) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ** "It is not known whether he lived to a ripe old age but chances are he may have, as his brother Jaing was still alive by 40 ABY; openly admitting that they did find a way to stop their accelerated aging." This is speculative and OR, clean it up so it only provides information given in the source.
 * 8) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 00:37, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ** You should combine some of the the shorter paragraphs in the Bio. For example, the first two paragraphs in "Training and childhood" should really be combined.
 * 10) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Over/underlinking: Make sure you link once in the intro and once in the article body.
 * 12) ***Question: If something has already been linked on the article body, there's no need to link it again somewhere down further correct?--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Correct :). Check through for instances of overlinking.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:25, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *****Another question though. Is the biography part separate from the BTS, Personality and traits and talents part? Meaning if I linked something in the bio, do I still have to link then anew on those other parts? --ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ******No, the biography, P&t, talents, and Bts are all part of the article body so you only need to link once in the intro and once in the article body :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:42, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *******That explains a lot. Fixed. --ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ** Check for superfluous references.
 * 18) ***Trimmed those down to two instead of three. Is that ok?--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Not exactly what I meant; I meant check through for instances where you reference the same source twice in a row, though I think I just removed the last ones :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:25, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *I'll read the article in depth soon :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:26, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Much thanks.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Good work so far. I'll review the article fully soon :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:25, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Soresu
 * 24) * Some things in the infobox are unsourced.
 * 25) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * You can't prove that Ordo was born in 32 BBY, unless it was specifically stated. (see a number of clone GA/FA's.)
 * 27) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * A bit of info is required on how the Nulls were created (who, what, when, where, why) at the beginning of the biography.
 * 29) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 00:37, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ***Change 'unfortunately' to something else. It's slightly POV to use such words.
 * 31) ****Removed. --ToRsO bOy 00:05, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Context on Kal Skirata, Battle of Geonosis
 * 33) **Can you elaborate a bit? I'm not sure I understand. --ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***You need to explain what they are, so that the reader doesn't have to click through to the page to learn that information. For example, Ordo and the Nulls were deployed along with majority of the clone troopers at the Battle of Geonosis. You need to tell us a bit about the battle. I would suggest something similar to ...Battle of Geonosis, the opening battle of the war between the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Galactic Republic. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:22, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ****Gotcha. Added. --ToRsO bOy 00:05, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * You've used the quote template which bolds the speaker's name. Most articles use  . I don't know why we do it like that, but it's the precedent.
 * 37) **Will do. Though I saw some other GA's with bolded quotes.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * The Jedi Master went in to negotiate the release of the hostages but was caught with a hidden strip-cam. His booby-trapped body was tossed out of the front door where it exploded. Okay, he was detected by a hidden device. Then you suddenly jump to him being booby-trapped and thrown out the front door. Is there a missing sentence about him being captured and having a bomb placed in his body?
 * 39) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * This is a shoot-to kill policy. It isn't shoot-to-kill?
 * 41) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * There he met Supervisor Besany Wennen, who at that time was also working undercover. Did Ordo actually know she was undercover?
 * 43) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * in order to hunt Chief Scientist Ko Sai. Chief scentist of what?
 * 45) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * In 'Return to Tipoca city', you jump to extracting Mereel and his data on cloning without first stating their intentions to slow down the aging process.
 * 47) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *I will do the rest soon, I just saved this so Grunny doesn't steal my job :-). SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:32, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Much appreciated.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) Soresu's review continues
 * 51) * All of the Nulls would again meet months later at Laseema's apartment due to Jaing Skirata's spy program being discovered in the Treasury computer networks. What spy program? This was never said earlier in the Bio
 * 52) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "Aliit, then. Our clan." What is aliit?
 * 54) **Changed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ***Oh, my apologies. That was more of a question than an objection. I was just wondering what aliit meant. The quote is better with that line on, sorry about that. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * Context on Ovolot Qail Uthan and Arla Fett.
 * 57) **Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Ordo tried vainly to resuscitate her but to no avail. Vainly is redundant.
 * 59) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * They all arrived safely on Mandalore Are we forgetting about Etain? ?
 * 61) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * Despite being extremely lethal and dangerous, Ordo's sole weakness was his vulnerability to the approval of Skirata. POV
 * 63) **Question: It was stated explicitly in the novel. Does that still count? Reworded.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) ***The rewording seems to have removed the POV. When it's stated in the novel, that's pretty much what you should try and do. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * You could add some things into the P&T, such as his capacity for love (evidenced by marriage), his belief in Mandalorian customs (marriage ceremony), and his indifference to killing others (such as when he shot Lemmeloth in the head, and when he left Zey to die.
 * 66) **Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) * Ordo was an even better soldier compared to a regular clone trooper Better is POV.
 * 68) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) * In talents and abilities, you should note his ability to use different firearms such as the Verpine, and his combat training, which made him an able fighter (evidenced by events such as the hostage seige).
 * 70) **Added.--ToRsO bOy 02:34, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * Bts expansion. I'm sure there's more info out there.
 * 72) **I honestly don't know what else to add or where I can find them. Do you have any suggestions? I thought I'd look into Karen's blogs but all of them have been discontinued. --ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ***Well, Bts review was never my strength, but you could mention something about the other sources, such as O66 and True Colors expanding on his later life. I'm really not sure what else there is on him, but any sort of info about his developent and any canon discrepancies should also go here. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ****Added more info. --ToRsO bOy 00:28, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * The last paragraph of the Bts needs to be sourced.
 * 76) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) *Not bad for a first go, especially considering the size of the article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:54, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) * I can't believe I only realised this just now. Shouldn't the article name be Null-11? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 08:12, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) **I raised a similar question but got nowhere. --ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ***In that thread, you said that his full name Ordo Skirata was used in the book. If that is true, (sorry, I haven't read the book) then the article doesn't need to be moved. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 02:27, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ****As far as I can recall he hasn't been referred to by his full name yet. Sorry for the misunderstanding but what I meant in that thread was he and Jaing were the only two Nulls that have their full name on their Wookieepedia pages. Jaing is the only that's been referred to by his full name on Sacrifice.--ToRsO bOy 04:51, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) ***** So, will this be moved to Null-11? And per my and Cylka's posts in the comments section, you should use first names in this article, since there are multiple Skiratas. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) ******Is that even necessary? I don't mean to start a debate but he's already deserted the GAR so we know he won't be using N-11 anymore. He's also been formally adopted by Kal so there shouldn't any problems with his full name being used. Btw, already changed all the Skiratas into Kal. --ToRsO bOy 11:45, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) *******I see your reasoning. Just two remaining objections from me left. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:34, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) *******I've already addressed the BT part. What's the other objection I've missed? --ToRsO bOy 00:28, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) ********No, you already got it. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) Grunny Part Deux:
 * 88) *Intro:
 * 89) ** Jango Fett needs some context.
 * 90) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ** Kal Skirata needs a little context.
 * 92) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) ** Order 66 needs context.
 * 94) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) ** For clarity, you need to connect the Confederacy of Independent Systems to the Clone Wars as the opponents of the GAR.
 * 96) ***Connected.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) ** Besany Wennen also needs some context as to who she was.
 * 98) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) *Bio – Training and childhood
 * 100) ** You need to mention his name as Null-11 and that he was also known as Ordo at the start of the Bio.
 * 101) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) ** You need to mention that he was an Advanced Recon Commando and a Null-class Advanced Recon Commandos. There should be no information in the intro that isn't covered in the article body.
 * 103) ***I added the Null part on the bio; while the Arc bit on the Arca Barracks siege section as I deemed it more appropriate.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) ****Fair enough :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) ** Jango Fett needs some context.
 * 106) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) ** Orun Wa needs some context, i.e. "Kaminoan scientist Orun Wa" or something similar.
 * 108) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ** Darman needs context.
 * 110) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) ** Boba Fett needs some context.
 * 112) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) ** "Their test scores were too high to be measured but psychological tests indicated they were unstable and too insubordinate to be used in combat." This could be worded better. What are the first test scores?
 * 114) ***Reworded.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) ** "They were the prototypes for the Grand Army of the Republic." This could probably be combined into the first sentence for a more complex writing style.
 * 116) ***Fixed--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) ** There are a few short choppy sentences like the one above (i.e. "Fett and Kal were informed by Orun Wa of the Null's impending termination. Kal opposed the decision and began arguing to spare them." and "The Nulls were sequestered from the other clones under Kal's care."); for a better writing style try to combine or expand some of them.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Added--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) *Bio - The Clone Wars - Arca Barracks siege
 * 120) ** You mention the Cone Wars in the title but you need to mention it explicitly in the text. It is an important event that should be named explicitly.
 * 121) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) **"The six of them started a siege on the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks, managing to hold off special operation squads and the Coruscant Security Force." It needs more clarification as to why they would siege a Republic Barracks.
 * 123) ***Fixed--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 124) ****"The Nulls showed their refusal by shutting down the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks and starting an armed siege." I think this could be worded better, maybe something like "Not content with their dismissal" or whatever makes the most sense in explaining why they would siege a Republic barracks.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) *****Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) ******This sentence is proving troublesome :P: "The Nulls were terrified of being chilled down and showed their refusal by shutting down the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks" Why would they be terrified of being chilled down?  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:42, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) *******It wasn't exactly stated why. Kal just gave a vague explanation along the lines of "you need to understand what happened to them as kids.". In order to avoid speculating, would using this line work? "The Nulls were terrified of being chilled down and put into stasis, similar to the Alpha-class ARC prior to the Battle of Kamino. They showed their refusal by shutting down the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks" --ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) *I'll review in sections; right now though, make sure everything has context on its first mention.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:37, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) **Thanks again--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) *Bio - The Clone Wars - Galactic City spaceport hostage siege
 * 131) ** "The situation took a turn for the worse with the death of Jedi Master Kaim. The Jedi Master went in to negotiate the release of the hostages but was caught with a hidden strip-cam. The hostage takers retaliated by killing him, and planting a bomb on his body. His booby-trapped corpse was tossed out of the front door where it exploded." The first two sentences could be combined to provide the information in a more chronological fashion, i.e. instead of mentioning Kaim's death and then explaining how he died, maybe "The situation took a turn for the worse when Jedi Master Kaim went in to negotiate the release of the hostages but was caught with a hidden strip-cam."  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) ***Fixed--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 133) *Bio - The Clone Wars - Mission to Coruscant
 * 134) **What a black operation is, needs to be explained when first mentioned.
 * 135) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) **Dha Werda Verda needs some context.
 * 137) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) **"considering it as his due when he struck Maze in the nose days before." Could be worded better.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:42, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * A question to the ACs: Would it be permissible to use first names in this article? There are 7 Skiratas, and it gets really confusing trying to figure out who's who. Can an exception be made? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:54, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, that is something that is generally done. If there are two or more individuals with the same last name, then the first name is used to differentiate between them. After quickly glancing at this article, I would say that it is necessary in this instance. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 10:05, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Shiv (clone)

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE
 * Nomination comments:For a dude who appears in a six-page web comic (and is only alive for five of them) I think I did a good job.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 21:17, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Lucius malfoy7 20:20, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Grunny's first look:
 * 2) *Before I start, for future noms: don't source the intro, and put the references after punctuation. Also, it might be a good idea to read the article out loud a few times which can help find grammatical errors and missing words :-).
 * 3) * "Later on in war, Shiv and the rest of his squad was stationed at Glid Station on the frozen world of Orto Plutonia in 22 BBY, which was orbited by the sovereign moon of Pantora populated by the Pantorans, which had remained allied to the Galactic Republic during the Clone Wars." This sentence should be broken up and reworded.
 * 4) * General Grievous needs context.
 * 5) * You need to mention Obi-Wan and Anakin are Jedi in the bio.
 * 6) * You need to mention that Shiv was a clone cold assault trooper in the bio, also mention the GAR. There should be no info in the intro that isn't covered in the article body.
 * 7) * Clone Wars could do with a little more context connecting the Separatists and the republic as the combatants, in both the intro and bio.
 * 8) * Underlinking: Make sure you link once in the intro and once in the bio.
 * 9) * "However, Shiv's stay at Glid Station was also filled with many problems." This doesn't really flow on well from the information provided in the previous paragraph, reword.
 * 10) **Not really sure how you want me to reword it, I thought it sounded find, check now Kilson Likes PIE 19:59, 15 March 09 (UTC)
 * 11) *I'll re-review after you address these.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:50, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Check now about the other stuff man. Kilson Likes PIE 19:59 15 March 09 (UTC)
 * 13) Lucius's Look
 * 14) * There is a redlink for hatchmate... You should either create a page or say "fellow clone troop" (etc.)
 * 15) * Perhaps split up biography into separate sections.
 * 16) * A picture of the databoard Shiv was writing on (I can find a picture if you can't) should be placed into the article.
 * 17) **If you can upload one, please do, I can't find one. Kilson Likes PIE 15:08, 19 March 09 (UTC)
 * 18) ***I found this image, which may help: [[Image:Shiv databoard.png]] . Lucius malfoy7 20:20, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****The image isn't working, I keep getting redlinks every time I try to put it up. Someone probably deleted it. Kilson Likes PIE 01:36, 21 March 09 (UTC)
 * 20) * The last paragraph in the bio sounds a little bit like a play-by-play... It could all be summed up in about two, maybe three sentences.
 * 21) *Other than these, excellent job. Lucius malfoy7 18:43, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **I think the last paragraph is needed to explain what happened to the rest of Glid station, to explain what the ice men were and to tell what happened to them, and why the Talz killed the clones in the first place. I did shorten it a little though, so please check now. Kilson Likes PIE 15:08, 19 March 09 (UTC)
 * 23) Grunny's second look:
 * 24) * "During the war between the Galactic Republic and Confederacy of Independent Systems, Shiv had a fellow clone trooper named Flanker that died during the Battle of Christophsis." This sentence seems a bit meaningless in the intro at the moment. You need to provide context as to why that information is important.
 * 25) * "During the war Shiv had a fellow clone trooper named Flanker who he enjoyed writing letters too, even after his death at the Battle of Christophsis." This could be worded better, and the uses "he" and "his" currently makes it confusing as to who died at Christophsis.
 * 26) * "Shiv's stay at Glid Station was filled with many problems. First, his squad's rations were not shipped in insulated canisters, and due to the extreme cold, they were frozen solid." You could combine these two sentences together, to make the writing style more complex, and you could probably replace the "First" with something like "such as" or similar, as you don't follow up with a "Second".
 * 27) * "However, Chairman Chi Cho wanted the Talz to leave the planet immediately, which resulted in a battle between the Republic and Pantoran forces on the planet and the Talz colony, but after Cho died in the fighting, Chuchi was able to negotiate peace with the Talz." This should be broken up.
 * 28) * Grunny  ( Talk ) 08:54, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **I got it, and thanks with all your help on the Skirmish on Tatooine nom :-). Kilson Likes PIE 13:31, 28 March 09 (UTC)
 * 30) *You should mention that "Shiv" is a nickname in the bio.
 * 31) *"During Shiv's training, he and Flanker had always thought that he would be shipped off to a water world after all the desert training he got, so Shiv found it funny that he was stationed on a ice planet instead." Confusing as to who the "he"'s refer to.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 10:22, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Addressed dude. Kilon Likes PIE
 * 33) ***It sounded slightly redundant/colloquial, so I reworded it to, "During their desert training, Shiv and Flanker had always thought that Shiv would be shipped off to a water planet, so Shiv found it amusing that he was stationed instead on a ice planet." If you think it sounded best the first time, you can change it back, because I should have consulted you first. (Sorry.) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 05:09, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Don't worry CC, it sounds fine. Kilson Likes PIE 07:10, 11 April 09

Comments
 * Might want to take a quick touch-up look next time; I found some spelling errors. Other than that, it looks fine to me. One other thing: even though there's a bit of leeway for redlinks, you might want to consider creating an article for "hatchmate" (or direct it to something related), since you used it twice. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 21:17, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not really that sure what a hatchmate is. It probably is something to do with the cloning chambers on Kamino, but I can't be sure, and I don't really want to write an entire article on conjecture. Kilson Likes PIE 19:59 15 March 09 (UTC)

Darth Bandon

 * Nominated by: -- Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:28, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Again, Bandon should join his Master as a GA.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:28, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cool dude, kind of went down too easy in the game though. Kilson Likes PIE 15:15, 18 March 09 (UTC)
 * 2) All my pre-nom objections were addressed satisfactorily by a young Jedi named Kasra. —Tommy  [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 16:28, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Kilson's thoughts
 * 2) * You should put in that Revan found the fourth star map on either Tatooine, Kashyyyk, Korriban, or Manaan in the Search for Bastilla and downfall subsection.
 * 3) *The BTS section explains this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * You should explain more about how Bastilla saved Revan and why he was on the Endar Spire during the battle.
 * 5) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:31, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * If at all possible, you should find a picture of Malak assigning Bandon to track down Bastilla for the Search for Bastilla and downfall subsection.
 * 7) *There aren't any pictures of this, and I have no idea how to upload an image, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:52, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * You should give more context on the Star Forge and its relation to Malak and Revan earlier on in the bio.
 * 9) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:17, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * You should also explain more about Revan's search for the Star Forge.
 * 11) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:31, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Address these and I'll take another look. Overall, it's a pretty good article, just needs a bit more information.:-) Kilson Likes PIE 18:04, 17 March 09 (UTC)
 * 13) Cylka:
 * 14) * A bit of context about the Jedi Civil War is needed in the intro.
 * 15) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***More is needed besides stating who initiated the war. What exactly was the war about?
 * 17) * I believe that the Jedi were interested in capturing Revan only. Please double check this and then change the article as appropriate.
 * 18) **Malak's entry in the databank states that the trap was for both him ad Revan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ***This may be something to include in the Bts then - How there is a discrepancy in the sources. Many sources, such as the CG, game, and others, state that the trap was for Revan alone.
 * 20) ****True, but the game's loading screens also say "More than 2 years into the Sith war, the Jedi set a trap for Revan and Malak. Only Malak escaped."--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * I haven't seen any sources that use the term assassin in association with Bandon. Please check this and change if necessary.
 * 22) **Changed it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Problem is, no sources exist that list him as a Jedi hunter, either.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * When the Sith attacked the Jedi Knight Bastila Shan's ship, the Endar Spire, above the planet Taris, he boarded the ship with the Sith troops and Dark Jedi under his command, killing the Republic soldier Trask Ulgo. - Information in this sentence needs a bit more context. Why did they board Shan's ship? What did killing Ulgo have to do with anything?
 * 25) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *** You still need to add in why the Sith would attack and board her ship in the first place.
 * 27) ****Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Sometime after the destruction of Taris, the bounty hunter Calo Nord, who had been sent by Malak to capture Shan, was slain by a reconditioned Revan, who had in fact survived his apprentice's betrayal. Darth Malak then dispatched Bandon to find and capture Shan.  - Same with these sentences. What does the destruction of Taris have to do with anything? How does Nord fit into all of this? Why was Bandon then dispatched to find Shan?
 * 29) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) *** Some information needs to be added in explaining that the survivors of the Endar Spire attack landed on Taris.
 * 31) ****Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * You need to connect the Star Maps to the Star Forge a bit more clearly.
 * 33) * as Revan and his team vanquished Malak's Shadow Hand, along with his Dark Jedi. - You need to identify Bandon as Malak's Shadow Hand much earlier in the intro. Also you need to make clear that the Dark Jedi accompanied Bandon in his search for Shan.
 * 34) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * You need to make clear that Revan and Malak began the Jedi Civil War in the first section of the article.
 * 36) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * In the tradition of the Sith Order, Malak sought a single learner among his followers to become his official apprentice, someone that could learn the Sith secrets and use them effectively to destroy the Jedi and Republic - I believe that it would be better if this sentence was placed after the capture of Revan, since Malak doesn't take him as an apprentice until after Revan is captured.
 * 38) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * You need to give some kind of set up for the Raiding the Endar Spire section. The reader has no idea why the location of Shan was important to Malak.
 * 40) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * Revan, who had been rescued by Shan after Malak betrayed him and mind-wiped by the Jedi Council, was placed under Shan's command as a common Republic soldier - This needs a bit more context.
 * 42) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * When he and a Republic ensign named Trask Ulgo were attempting to reach the ship's escape pods, they ran into Bandon. - There isn't much set up for this sentence either.
 * 44) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *** Why were they rushing for the escape pods? <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 09:50, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * After Malak was told by the Sith Admiral Saul Karath of the bounty hunter Calo Nord's failure to capture Bastila Shan - Again there isn't any set up to this.
 * 48) * Bandon seemed to hold contempt for those not Force-sensitive, especially the bounty hunter Calo Nord. Before Bandon fought Revan, he had a brief conversation with the redeemed Jedi, calling Nord "pathetic". - This seems kind of speculative. I'm not sure you can connect one to the other.
 * 49) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * I think that you should explain why four Star maps are needed a bit more, in the Bts. This may be a bit confusing for people who haven't played the game. We always strive to write as if the reader knows almost nothing about the subject.
 * 51) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * The source list is out of order. Please take care of this.
 * 53) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Please take care of these objections, and I will look over the article again. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 14:06, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) Cylka, round two:
 * 56) * Context is needed in the intro and article proper as to what a Shadow hand is.
 * 57) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Both in the introduction you need to add in how the survivors of the attack on the Endar Spire landed on Taris, and how Malak ordered a blockade on the planet in order to look for Shan. This will give some context for why the planet was bombarded and Calo Nord's escape.
 * 59) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * In the year 3,959 BBY, the former Jedi Knights Revan and Malak, who were the heroes of the Mandalorian Wars, found an ancient Rakatan spacestation called the Star Forge, and named themselves the new Dark Lords of the Sith - What does one have to do with the other? Please explain this. Also, what is the Star Forge. I added in a little bit more explanation in the introduction, but please expand on this in the article body.
 * 61) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:05, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * When Malak learned of Shan's location on the Republic warship Endar Spire above the planet Taris, Bandon led the boarding party that stormed her ship. - The first part of the sentence talks about Malak, but the second part starts with Bandon. This needs to be cleared up. Malak learned of their location, and had the Sith pretty much ambush the Spire.
 * 63) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * As for some more context, it might be a good idea to add in the Nord was the one that revealed that Revan was still alive. Also, you could ad in that Saul Karath was a traitor to the Republic.
 * 65) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Revan, who had been retrained in the Jedi ways and commissioned by the Dantooine Jedi Council to find the Star Forge, - This needs a bit more explanation.
 * 67) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Was anything else said during the final confrontation between Revan and Bandon? Bandon only shows up three times in the game, so add in as many details as you can.
 * 69) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * Please take care of these objections, and the previous objections. The information regarding Bandon is basically complete, but more context is needed in regards to the surrounding circumstances. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 09:50, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * I have one last objection. I have come to believe that the introduction is too long for the length of the article. Specifically, I don't think all of the context surrounding Revan is needed, as well as Calo Nord's context. I feel that you could probably trim the intro down to three paragraphs, instead of those four. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 19:49, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Does this mean that the context on Revan having been rescued by Shan and being placed under her command isn't needed? At any rate, it's three paragraphs now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ***I took out a bit of unneeded context in the introduction to slim it down a bit.
 * 74) *Sorry, but in the midst of earlier editing, some information has now gone missing. Context on why Malak ordered the destruction of Taris is needed in the article body. Also, please be careful about linking to articles. You want to make sure that you have the proper link written in the article, and not a redirect link. Furthermore, in the articles, try to make sure that everything possible is linked. I noticed that many links were removed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 02:33, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **I added why Malak ordered Taris' destruction. I also linked everything that could possibly be linked to, like Death or Force Immunity.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:26, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Separatist Council

 * Nominated by:Lucius malfoy7 21:29, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:My first nomination, so wish me luck!

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) *Before I even read through it, you need references, and lots of them. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:33, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Done
 * 4) ***This is quite insufficient. Everything needs to be sourced. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:02, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Is this good? Or does more of the text need citing? Lucius malfoy7 21:21, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Everything needs sourcing in an article, except the description. If all the information in a paragraph comes from once source, then cite it at the end of the paragraph. However, if information inside of the paragraph comes from different sources, state that as well. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 23:11, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******I'm pretty sure these are the only citations that can be found for this article. Lucius malfoy7 17:46, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Could you guys review these changes soon please? Lucius malfoy7 20:04, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Glancing through (CC7567)
 * 10) * No citations should be in the description.
 * 11) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * More citations are needed.
 * 13) **Addressed  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Citations should go after commas and periods, not before.
 * 15) * "Nute Gunray continued to attempt to assassinate Padmé Amidala, though unsuccessfully, and attempted to hold his citadel on Cato Neimoidia; Wat Tambor and Passel Argente spied on each other; San Hill and Shu Mai attempted to hold Muunilinst and Felucia respectively.": even with using semi-colons, it sounds like a run-on sentence. Splitting the sentence up would be preferable.
 * 16) **Done Lucius malfoy7 21:44, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Should be "Jedi Knights," not "Jedi knights".
 * 18) **Done Lucius malfoy7 21:44, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Composition: even though the article is about the Council, starting all the sentences out with "it" makes it sound undefined.
 * 20) **Done Lucius malfoy7 21:44, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * The "fall" of the Council vs. the "massacre" can be split up and expanded a bit more, since they occurred at different (although close) times towards the end of the Clone Wars. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:21, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Done Lucius malfoy7 21:44, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * One more thing: although I'm not very knowledgeable on the Council, as it was the governing body of the Separatists, there may be more that can be said. I would recommend doing a check on the places where the Council appears and try to be detailed as possible. (Although not to the point where portions of the article have to be split into separate articles.) -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 03:11, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Expanded... Any specific areas needed to be expanded?  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)


 * 1) Second look by the clone-designated guy (CC7567)
 * 2) * Source that leading quote! If you don't know where it's from, please either find out or change it to a different quote that can be sourced.
 * 3) **New quote; I have no idea where the old one was from.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * I think more can be said in the description, re: the history of the Council. What led to their fall? Why were they massacred?
 * 5) **Expanded.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *** Good...and now it should probably be organized into separate paragraphs. (Also, it should be "Sith Lord, not "Sith lord". "Battle droid troops" can simply be "battle droids", and when you say Grievous included in parentheses, the parentheses can be removed and it can be changed to "along with Grievous.") -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 03:47, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Paragraphed and fixed in the above spots.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * I don't believe the quote descriptions need to be sentences. They only need to mention the speaker and the audience (if necessary), and also if necessary, the circumstances. If the quotes really do lead into the information in the following section, then the circumstances shouldn't really be necessary.
 * 9) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ***They still look like sentences, especially since they have periods. They can be shortened more. For example, "San Hill and the Separatist Council discussing with Grievous on finding a new haven" can be reworded to "San Hill and Grievous on finding a new haven," and "Nute Gunray's last words before he is killed "; that last one is redundant. Additionally, who did Gunray say that to? -- CC7567' [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 03:47, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Took advice and fixed the above spots.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "What world will accept us now?. ": there's an extra period and a space; please correct.
 * 13) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * From what it sounds like, under the section "The War, Belderone and Utapau", it jumps from "throughout the course of the war" to "in the final stages of the Clone Wars" in two paragraphs with not much in between. Can more be said?
 * 15) * The paragraph "In the final stages of the Clone Wars...": even though this article is about the council and not Gunray, it can still be expanded. What Republic victories at which Separatist strongholds in which major CIS systems forced the council to hide?
 * 16) **Expanded.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Yes, the plan was made for the relocation to Belderone before the interception of Gunray's mechno-chair, but this can be mentioned with the actual place that the council went to.
 * 18) * I recommend changing it to "change of plans", instead of "change of plan."
 * 19) **Done.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "Before Grievous's death, Darth Sidious ordered him to send the Council from Utapau to Mustafar, supposedly to keep them safe from the Republic.": why was it supposedly to keep the council safe? Did they in fact meet their end there? (I know you know the answer to the question, but if "supposedly" is used, then you can foreshadow what happens later as far as their actual deaths.)
 * 21) **I hope this is good.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "With the Separatist Council member's deaths...": should be reworded to flow better. At least move the apostrophe after the "s", because the members of the Separatist Council are plural, right?
 * 23) **Reworded.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * The death of the council can still be expanded more. Also, the loss of Grievous can be expanded more as well and separated. Wasn't Grievous with the council shortly before the council left and Kenobi arrived? (If there's an error in that, sorry; I haven't watched Episode III for a while, but I know that more can be said.) It can be expanded on how the council was given control of the Confederacy vs. the council members' actual deaths.
 * 25) **Expanded - Utupau and Belderone.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * I believe it should be mentioned that the Clone Wars were entirely manipulated by Sidious for his rise to power, and that the Separatists were just sockpuppets or something like that. (Maybe not "sockpuppets", but something along those lines.)
 * 27) **Mentioned.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * I can't remember whether the council was formed before or after this, but didn't the council take a vote (perhaps the only time they were in session, I think was mentioned somewhere) to execute Skywalker and Amidala in Episode II?
 * 29) **They don't actually vote, but they do attend the trial, which I included.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) *Sorry for the long text wall of criticism. After you review the article, I'll take another look if needed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:25, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) **A OK... Criticism welcome.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Another look from the clone:
 * 33) * Please check the above objections; some still require further clarification. Also, others haven't been touched, and I'm not sure whether you accidentally missed them or planned to answer them later.
 * 34) **The latter, and I just did them.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***You still missed a few; all ones that aren't crossed out still remain. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:17, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ****They're all crossed out in the 2nd review...  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *****Nevermind; there were a couple remaining, but they seem to have been answered. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:15, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Please fix the link to Count Dooku in the description for the new leading quote.
 * 39) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * Rather minor: you need a space after the seventh citation ("Muunilinst[6] and Felucia,[7]respectively.") needs a space after it, and the eighth citation ("none of which proved any fruit. [8]") has an extra space before it.
 * 41) **Thanks... Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * "In the final stages of the Clone Wars, the Council was to hide in the Outer Rim on General Grievous's orders, due to Republic victories at Separatist strongholds in major CIS systems, such as Felucia and Cato Neimoidia." Since you go on to mention Gunray's exploits at Cato Neimoidia, the last part of that sentence can be taken out. And instead of saying "such" as, can you expand upon the Republic victory at Felucia?
 * 43) **Hard to do it without "such", but I expanded a little. Do you want a few sentences, or is this good?  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Please check the article's body for multiple links. (As I learned recently,) the sections of the article should all be treated as one part, and links therefore should only be linked once.
 * 45) **I didn't know this... Addressed, and thanks.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Please do another check; several subjects are still unnecessarily linked more than once. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:17, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ****I didn't include the description in this because I thought it was supposed to be treated separately, and I feel the "Composition" section needs be treated separately as well.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * Please check citations. I see that the end of the last paragraph in "The War, Belderone and Utapau" is in need of a citation, as is the last paragraph of "Post-War". Also, under the "Senators of the Galaxy who joined the cause", the members from Passel Argente through Rogwa Wodrata need citations, as does Wat Tambor.
 * 49) **Addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:43, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Missed a few; I marked them with the tag. &mdash; CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:17, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Sourced or deleted.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) *&mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 03:47, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) Clone's last stand (hopefully)
 * 54) * "to create a "new" governing body for the galaxy and obliterate the power of and, ultimately, the Republic." Needs rewording.
 * 55) **Reworded; the power of deleted.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * "However, it was because Sidious also needed a remote location to later kill the Council members." I'm not sure if this comes from the same source at the end of the paragraph, but it seems to need a confirmation for a source.
 * 57) **Reworded.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) ***I took out the "Sidious later had them murdered there"; it's directly stating their fate instead of hinting at it. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:15, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) *Also, please try to avoid using redirects. If it's just capitalization (such as tactical droid instead of tactical droid ), then it's fine, but other than that, please try to avoid doing so.
 * 60) **I feel some are needed for the wording ( his citadel and his Shi'ido aide ) for fluency purposes, but I removed the others.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) ***I meant that the links themselves should not be redirects, not what they appear as, i.e. you should link Rex as Rex . Since you apparently misunderstood that, I'll leave you to correct them if you need to. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:15, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ****I'm not quite sure I understand...  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 23:24, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) *****You should try as much as possible not to link to redirects (i.e. Rex) instead of the actual pages (i.e. CC-7567). If that needs further clarification, I'll take it up with you on your talk page. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 23:38, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Also, since this is the government of the Separatists, I believe that the Government infobox can be used. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:17, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) **Used it.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) *** Please note that the information in the infobox also needs to be sourced, via the template. &mdash; CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:15, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) ****I was going to do it later... And I just did it.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 11:40, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) *****Fixed it up. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:15, 5 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * With all that Nute Gunray's talkative ass had to say, I'm sure that at least one more quote can be found for this article. —Tommy [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 22:00, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
 * I did you one up and added three quotes. Lucius malfoy7 18:48, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Please check that the article isn't opinionated, and just states facts. "Vader then trapped the cowardly Separatists": whether or not it's true, it's an opinion. Be sure to check the rest of the article and take out opinions, and also check grammar. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 23:11, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * I took out the "cowardlies" in the article, and added/deleted things in a few other places to make it less opinionated. Lucius malfoy7 18:48, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Femi

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:18, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first TOR project, the first TOR project.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:40, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 1)  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 15:56, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Context on Coruscant in the bio and body.
 * 3) * The first sentence of the bio is on her background, and then the next jumps straight into a specific event that muddles it up. I would suggest giving the second a lead-in or something.
 * 4) * his began the Sacking of Coruscant, a battle between the Galactic Republic and the Sith Empire, which ended with the Treaty of Coruscant, an agreement that forced the Republic to abandon long-time allies and give many outlying worlds over to the Sith and put an end to the Great War in favor of the Sith Empire. Break this up into two sentences. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:16, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Done NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:04, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Grunny:
 * 7) *"Femi shares her name with Femi Taylor, the actress who played Oola, a Twi'lek dancer in Jabba the Hutt's Palace from Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi." Unless you have a source that says that this is not just coincidence and they used Femi Taylor's name in developing this character, this sentence has no place in the Bts as it is just trivia.
 * 8) *"her Human co-worker" There is no source that says he is Human so this is OR (this objection goes with Soresu's in Femi's co-worker's article). You are more able to deduct that he is male than you he is Human, due to the many closely related species, so for all we know he could be a Reussi.
 * 9) * Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:32, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified New Republic commander

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:39, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Tried to get to a FA, but stuck at 800 words.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kilson Likes PIE 13:00, 29 March 09 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) *The intro starts off really suddenly. Mention the date to try to give some context to help the reader out.
 * 3) *"After that, when Jade was stationed aboard the New Republic Corellian Corvette, guarding the holocron and thinking of her new assignment being very boring, the commander was able to persuade her that it was very important by telling her that otherwise the New Republic leader Mon Mothma wouldn't have sent Jade on that mission." This sentence reads really awkwardly. Please split/fix this.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:36, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **See below. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:37, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Cylka:
 * 6) *He then briefed Katarn's apprentice, Mara Jade on her mission to contact the criminal lord Ka'Pa the Hutt and then contacted her on the intercom while she was guarding a Jedi holocron aboard a New Republic Corellian Corvette - This reads a bit awkwardly and doesn't give the reader a sense of the progression of events.
 * 7) **See below.
 * 8) *I think a little context on Palpatine's campaign in 10 ABY needs to be added.
 * 9) *I believe that you should add in what Delta 3 is and how it is connected to Altyr 5.
 * 10) *With Katarn gone to investigate a Sith Temple on the planet Dromund Kaas, the commander assigned Jade to a mission vital for the New Republic. He told Jade to contact Ka'Pa the Hutt, a notorious criminal, in order to convince him to give the New Republic some badly needed supplies in exchange for the amnesty for all his crimes - There isn't much of a lead in for this statement since the previous paragraph ended with Katarn destroying the asteroid, and the evacuation of the base.
 * 11) *The last paragraph, the one about Jade guarding the holocron, seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the commander. I know that in the P/T you give it some context, but you need to tie that paragraph to the commander in the biography as well.
 * 12) **See below.
 * 13) *Although he is not directly seen contacting Jade, the voice from the intercom is the same as commander's. - You are using this as a reference, but how do you know it is the same? Are you basing this on your own observations, or something else? If this is your opinion, then it is considered OR.
 * 14) **Yes, I based this on my own observations. I was certain that it was him when I played the game. However, after doing some research, I've found that Brendan Holmes is credited as portraying "the voice on the intercom". Even if it is not the same voice that was heard on the Corvette (there are actually several intercoms in the game), I think I have no proof that it was the commander who contacted Jade. That being said, I removed the part about the holocron altogether. Next time, I'll try to avoid such speculations. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:37, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *The first two sentences in the P/T talk about him being an experienced leader, but I'm not sure what the rest of the sentences in that section are supposed to tell me about him. His leadership qualities, or something else? Could you make this a bit clearer, please.
 * 16) *Other than that, good work. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 22:40, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) The main image is kinda weird, but given how bad graphics were back then, I'll assume that that's that best you can do. Kilson Likes PIE 13:00, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 2) **You are right. The graphics in MotS were crap, especially in cutscenes. Too bad they didn't make the live-action ones like in the original game. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:24, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ***Tell me about, it would have been awesome to see Mara Jade in live action. Kilson Likes PIE 13:29, 29 March 09 (UTC)

Cham Syndulla

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 03:04, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First GA nom pour moi, and second nomination for FAs/GAs overall.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Not bad. A pretty good read on an interesting subject.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 18:57, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) PIE Kilson Likes PIE 19:16, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 3) Per review below.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:00, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD
 * 2) * In the intro: "Before the Clone Wars began, Syndulla held tensions with the Republic, specifically with Ryloth's Twi'lek Senator, Orn Free Taa." Why?
 * 3) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Add context to the "droid forces" mentioned in the intro.
 * 5) **Done. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "While Syndulla did not trust Taa, Taa himself believed that Syndulla sought to gain power on Ryloth, thus disbanding the democracy that Taa represented in the Senate, and Syndulla's favoritism and reputation among the Twi'lek people." Break this up and/or reword to make it flow better.
 * 7) **Done. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "While Argente and Artruk conferred, Syndulla and fellow Twi'lek Voyla spied on the pair." Why were they spying? Was it because they thought war was coming? Clarify.
 * 9) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "However, Techno Union Foreman Wat Tambor and Separatist Council member had also been spying on Argente, and ordered Ryloth moved to top priority for a Confederacy invasion." Why would them spying result in them moving Ryloth to top priority? Explain.
 * 11) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Is there any info on how Syndulla's freedom fighters came together? Were they some of his admirers/followers who decided to fight?
 * 13) **Added. (Although it's a bit more "deductive reasoning" than fact, since I couldn't find a direct mention.) -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Syndulla was at first reluctant to ally himself, still keeping his previous political lashes with Senator Taa in mind, but after Commander Ponds reported to Windu that the Separatists had begun a campaign of destroying many Twi'lek villages, Syndulla agreed to negotiate with Taa." Break up and/or reword.
 * 15) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Context needed for Commander Ponds.
 * 17) **Added. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Context needed for the clone army mentioned in Alliance with the Republic.
 * 19) **Added. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "On the way in, Stak passed a Blurrg,[4] and it snapped at him. Syndulla translated for his second in command, Tae Boon, that the animals were faster than the clones' "riding machines", to which the clone doubted." Is this really relevant?
 * 21) **I wasn't sure, but it was one of the few ways I could mention Tae Boon. I removed it and mentioned Boon later in the article. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Context needed for Anakin.
 * 23) **Added. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Despite the deactivation of the bridge, Windu used the Force to Force-push Stak and Razor to the other side, while he himself used an STAP to get across." Is this relevant? This article is about Syndulla, not about the battle itself.
 * 25) **Reworded: "Windu and the clones managed to get across, although the bridge was deactivated once more." It's less centered around the battle, but I kept the part about the bridge's deactivation. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * P&T could use expansion.
 * 27) **Expanded; hope it's sufficient. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 05:13, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Thanks for your review; hopefully the article is getting better. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Kilson's thoughts
 * 31) * You should put it during the Clone Wars when you mention Wat Tambor invading Ryloth in the intro
 * 32) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * You might want to give little more context about the Battle of Ryloth before Windu met with Syndulla. Just mention that Anakin's fleet destroyed the Separatist blockade fleet and that General Kenobi's forces were able to take the small town of Nabat.
 * 34) **I don't think it needs to be said; the article is about Syndulla, not about the battle. The Battle of Ryloth article is linked at least twice if people wish to read more. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * There is something wrong with your fifth reference. Are you trying to reference the Liberty on Ryloth Episode Guide?
 * 36) **Thanks; didn't notice that. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *Other than that, seems pretty awesome. Not as awesome as PIE though :-) Kilson Likes PIE 12:35, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 38) **I would have to argue that Pi is better. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ***You don't even need to argue, PIE is better that anything. Kilson Loves PIE 19:16, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 40) Lucius's Look
 * 41) *Luckily not many things need to be fixed. Here are a few minor grammar/wording things that could use some help:
 * 42) ** ...mistrusted him because he believed him to be lazy. Needs rewording and I'm not sure if its grammatically correct.
 * 43) ***Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ** As much as I love quotes, you've got an extra one in that article. I'd either make a new subsection (probably not... laugh) or remove one quote. You could also put it in the behind the scenes section, and have the description being: "Mace Windu portraying Syndulla as a freedom fighter as opposed to a villain."
 * 45) ***Urgh...was trying to use it, so I subconsciously placed it there. It wouldn't fit in the Bts, since it doesn't have any relation to it, so I removed it altogether. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ** A page from the "Ballad of Cham Syndulla". The Ballad of Cham Syndulla is an in-universe song, but saying that its the pages from an OOU (not perspective, just saying that a comic book is) comic book could be better worded.
 * 47) ***Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **After these are addressed, I will be ready to pledge my support.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:49, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) The part in the Bts, "The word "cham" means "lout" in Polish" is irreclevant unless you can prove that it was a purposeful choice by the writers. The statement itself is also unsourced, for that matter. Anyway, if you cannot source that it was a speaking name on purpose, it needs to be removed as Original Research. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:34, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *Removed; I'm not even sure who put it there in the first place. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:42, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Cylka:
 * 52) *I think that there are too many images in this article. One less image would work much better. My suggestion is to remove the Gobi image, since I feel that it illustrates the least, but it is completely up to you.
 * 53) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *Syndulla resolved his issues with Senator Taa, and helped Windu to retake the city - What did the resolution of tensions have to do with helping Windu?
 * 55) **Addressed; hope it sounds better. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *Syndulla held tensions with the Republic, specifically with - This reads a bit awkwardly, and I would suggest changing the wording a bit.
 * 57) **Reworded. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *Again The tensions were specifically held against and Syndulla sought to gain power on Ryloth, thus disbanding the democracy that read a bit awkwardly and the meanig of what you would like to get across is lost a bit.
 * 59) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) *While Argente and Artruk conferred, Syndulla and fellow Twi'lek Voyla spied on the pair, watching another outlander coming to steal from their planet. - This is a bit unclear. Did they think that Argente was there to steal from them, or someone else? Please clarify.
 * 61) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *I think it would work better if you introduced Lightening Squadron and Ponds before you talk about Windu going to the freedom fighter's hideout with Stak and Razor.
 * 63) **Changed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) *Windu took Razor and Stak to infiltrate a MTT carrying Tambor's treasures, and get into the city via the bridge, while Ponds, Syndulla and Tae Boon, Syndulla's second-in-command,[5] led the forces. Once the Jedi and the two clones were detected by battle droids with scanners, Syndulla and Ponds attacked the droids. Windu and the clones managed to get across - The progression of events is a bit unclear here. What forces was Syndulla et al. leading? What did the battle droids detecting Windu and the clones have to do with all of this? Were they still in the MTT? Please clarify this a bit more.
 * 65) **Addressed; I think it sounds better with including the plan before saying what actually happened. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) *Syndulla was a role model to the people he led, and possessed great leadership skills - Is there an example you could add to illustrate this a bit more?
 * 67) **Hope it's sufficient; if not, I'll try to expand it more. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) *He also held influence among the Twi'lek people; Voyla's agreement with Syndulla's views about Taa is a possible example of Syndulla's influence. - Is it specified that Syndulla influenced Voyla? If not, this is OR/Speculation.
 * 69) **Removed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) *Cham Syndulla first appeared in the web comic Covetous,[2] but was not identified till a later appearance. - Please specify this "later appearance" in the sentence.
 * 71) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *Please take care of these objections, and I'll look over the article again. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 21:10, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) **Thanks for the review. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Scythe-class main battle cruiser

 * Nominated by:AdmiralNick22 17:49, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:In light of new information from the Legacy Era Campaign Guide, there was finally enough specific information on the Scythe for me to attempt a GA nom.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:41, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Some parts of the infobox are unsourced.
 * 3) **Fixed. AdmiralNick22 19:27, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *** The name and the CF9 Crossfire starfighters bit are still unsourced. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:58, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Fixed. AdmiralNick22 13:23, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * You may want to split the Characteristics section into a Role section as well to conform with the new Layout Guide for ships.
 * 7) **Done. I have added a "role" section, as well as rearranged the characteristics section. AdmiralNick22 19:40, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * You seem to be sourcing every sentence. This is not what's meant to happen. All you need to do is reference every time you use start using info from a new source and also at the ned of every paragraph. Get rid of any redundancies.
 * 9) **To be honest, I was heavy on the sourcing due to my experience in turning the Gar Stazi article into FA status. I can remove some, but I figured it is good to be thorough. However, if some appear to be too redundant, please point out the specifics or feel free to edit them out.AdmiralNick22 19:40, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Edited out some. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:58, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * Make sure you are writing in past tense. There are a number of cases where present tense is being used.
 * 12) **Done. I gave it another read through, but if you notice any other past tense please feel free to edit them out.AdmiralNick22 19:40, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * Underlinking. Make sure you link to everything once in the intro and once in the body.
 * 14) **I am not sure if I understand the request. Looking at the intro and main body, I really don't seen many things that I did not link to the main article.AdmiralNick22 19:40, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Linked to a few things I found. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:58, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * In addition, the forward blade gave the warship a similar appearance to the ancient Republic Hammerhead-class cruiser. In addition to containing much of the ship's weapons, the blade is taken up by several hangar bays. Try to avoid using 'In addition' twicein such a short space.
 * 17) **Fixed.AdmiralNick22 19:40, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Scythe battle cruisers were part of the combined Alliance fleet that was defeated by Grand Admiral Morlish Veed during the Battle of Caamas. Who was the Alliance fleet fighting? Give some context on the war.
 * 19) **Done. I added a bit about the significance of the battle.AdmiralNick22 19:48, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *** You've got the context, which is good. Caamas proved to be a major Imperial victory and the death knell for the Galactic Alliance government, as Grand Admiral Morlish Veed managed to force the majority of the Alliance fleet to surrender. However, many of these vessels were deployed as part of the Galactic Alliance Core Fleet under Admiral Gar Stazi. This proved fortunate, as the majority of the Core Fleet escaped while engaged in a fighting withdrawal from Caamas. This preserved a sizable portion of the Alliance battle fleet. In this case 'those vessels' sounds like it is referring to the ships that surrendered. Also double word usage with majority. Finally, you say a majority of the fleet surrendered, but they were able to keep a sizable portion. That sounds a little self-contradictory. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:58, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Fixed. I tweaked the section a bit, adding some new info and removing any redundancies. AdmiralNick22 13:23, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * when the crippled warship was sacrificed to cripple the Again, avoid double word usage.
 * 23) **Fixed. AdmiralNick22 19:48, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Make sure that you give an article a good read-through to pick up any spelling errors before you nominate. I had to perform quite a hefty copy-edit. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:48, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **I appreciate your feedback and the edits that you have made. It is always nice to have an extra set of eyes looking over an article. I haven't really by that active on the Wook since last year when I got the Stazi article to FA (and that too took alot of helpful comments/feedback!). AdmiralNick22 19:48, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Cav's Scything look ... :P
 * 27) *I feel the intro could be expanded upon, mentioning a little on the design characteristics.
 * 28) **Do you have a specific idea in mind? I tried to come up with a bit about the design in the entry and I couldn't make it work. AdmiralNick22 16:31, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***Some information on the design, how it is an advancement of the MC design and specifically targeting the blade structure on the fore. Don't be afraid to repeat information that is present later in the bio. I know how I would write it; if you need a hand, drop me a note on my talk page and we'll discuss it :) - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 13:34, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ****I added a bit about the design, as well as how it was a radical departure from previous Mon Cal designs. AdmiralNick22 15:50, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *The "Known Ships" section needs to be expanded on; prose sections are preferred to lists (even with one item on it). This would include a brief description of the Indomitable and its history. - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 15:28, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **I added a little blurb next to the Indomitable under the Known Ships. I appreciate yoru feedback. Please feel free to make any little tweaks that you feel improve the article. :-) AdmiralNick22 16:31, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ***I rewrote the section on the Indomitable into a more prose-y form with a little more description. See what you think. - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 13:34, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Looks good. Thanks! AdmiralNick22 15:50, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Images aren't properly categorized. A category for the images of this class should be created. Mauser 11:19, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *Hmm, I am not sure how to do that. Can you explain how I create an image category? AdmiralNick22 01:18, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **All you have to do is create a category (Category:Images of Scythe-class battle cruisers or something, for instance), write a short description for it, and place it in the category of whatever main images category it should belong to, to make it a sub-category of the main images category. After doing so, use the template on the article's page. &mdash; CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 01:31, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ***Can you lend me a hand with this? I tried to create the category, but whenever I hit the preview button the format was all wrong. How can I make it so that the art category has nice little thumbnails in it? AdmiralNick22 03:12, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) Toprawa:
 * 40) *"Known ships" isn't working for me as an individual section. Aside from not being part of the Layout Guide format, "Known ships" is a bad variation of the dreaded "unknown fate" wording. This information can easily be incorporated into the primary "History" section. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:19, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * No problem. Given that there is still only one "named" ship to the class, I am fine with removing that bit. Thanks for the advice Top! AdmiralNick22 01:18, 11 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Femi's co-worker

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 18:46, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The second article in Project Femi.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 15:06, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 15:26, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:51, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) One thing before I review properly - the name of the article is a little misleading. By partner, you could be implying that he was romantically involved with Femi. Is there no better descriptor that can be used? -  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 19:09, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I didn't see much of a problem with it but Jinzler has changed it to this and I think it'll work. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 22:53, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Just trying to avoid any confusion; to me "partner" usually gives connotations of a romantic relationship between the two. - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 15:06, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) How do we know that Femi's co-worker is a male Human?  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:45, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *He looks like a male human. The male part could be considered speculation but until anything else is given to contradict it, he was human or some offshoot. There are no Cylons in Star Wars. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 15:29, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **I'm striking on the basis that we commonly assume species for anyone that looks like a Twi'lek, Bothan, Wookiee, and most other non-Human races. Really though, he could be any sort of Near-Human. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:51, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Cad Bane

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:07, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yeah, I know that it'll have to be updated a lot when Season Two comes out, but for now I think it's doing pretty good.

(0 ACs/6 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great job.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:35, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) As long as we remember to keep it updated when S2 is out ;-) &mdash;  beeurd  talk 20:42, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) He scares me. Kilson Likes PIE 18:16, 30 March 09 (UTC)
 * 4) This will make a great "good article." Wonderful article. :) <font face="Arial"> ZEM  talk to me!   03:19, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Yep, great job. ShaakTi1138 13:23, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Its fine for a GA, you'll probably hear the call of an AC soon NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 02:45, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Naru needs a distraction
 * 2) * Dooku, Battle of Geonosis, the Clone Wars, Mustafar needs context in the intro
 * 3) **Hope that's sufficient. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***The Clone Wars still needs context in the intro. I've also noticed that these four, as well as others to be listed later, need context in the body as well. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:47, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I put context for most of the items I noticed, except for the Clone Wars. I couldn't figure out what to put for it. If you could think of something, as well as identify the rest of the items needing context, that would be great. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:59, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Nevermind; I put up the context for the Clone Wars. If I missed anything, please let me know. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 05:04, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******OK, here we go (All in the body): Galactic Republic, Battle of Geonosis, CIS, Coruscant, Senate Commandos, and Clone Troopers. They are in that order, happy hunting. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 05:40, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Thanks; I believe I got all of them. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:34, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ********I'll coninue the review tomorrow. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:53, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *********Context is not needed for every single thing that occurs. If you're going to explain every single term, it's just going to get ridiculous, until you end up with stuff like "...Republic, a political system in which the supreme power lies in a body of citizens who can elect people to represent them..." and "...Galaxy, a collection of stars, gas, and dust bound together by gravity..." Things like Clone Wars, Battle of Geonosis, Republic, and Confederacy are self-contextualizing because of their title. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:56, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **********Context is needed for things that are not completely evident on their own which is why I did not have him contextify everything in the article. And those thing do need context because, for CW and the BoG, it is unclear what the battle was about or in this case all that is needed is whom it is between. For Galactic Republic, it is to context the government as the main government in the galaxy, not how the system is run. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 18:42, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***********If you can read "Bane was in operation during the Clone Wars, a galaxy-wide conflict between the Galactic Republic, the main government in the galaxy, [do we contextify galaxy here?] and the Confederacy of Independent Systems, the faction of planetary and sectorial governments seeking to leave the Republic" with a straight face, that's great, but only the first seven words of that are relevant to the subject. They do not need context because they are either a): self-contextualizing, b): completely irrelevant to Cad Bane and the article, or c): taken as a given that the reader already knows what it is (you'd hardly want us to contextify "the Force"). At this point in the article, all we need to need to know is that the Clone Wars is a conflict, and that the Republic and CIS are factions, all of which is established in their names, and anything else is not relevant to Bane. I've written many FAs/GAs and never been asked to so over contextualize. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:55, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ************I already said the intro was fine when it comes to context. No, you don't have to contextify the factions when you are stating them as context for the Clone Wars, I never said that anyway, and of course Galaxy shouldn't be contextified&mdash;you know that, I know that, the Queen knows that. So fr your bullets:a)The Clone Wars is not self contextualizing, all that is known by reading it or any of the other things is that it is a war or a battle. As the conflict is current in Bane's life and important for him and every other person in the galaxy whixh is why it should simply contexted as "a conflict fought between the Republic and the CIS," that is all that is neccesary. Later, in the body, I say we should contextualize the Republic because as the main government in the galaxy and Bane is going against it for the credits, that is important. b)As I have said, these things are very relevant to Bane as he is going against the Republic. c)We write these articles so complete Star Wars n00bs can understand them. Of course you should context the Force, an article may get through without doing so, however, simply because it is taken as a givin. I've had to context George Lucas, for crying out loud. To restate, I said that the Clone Wars should be contexted as "These two factions were fighting" but later, when each of those factions appears alone, there should be a word about them such as "The main government in the galaxy" or "those who want to secede from the Republic." NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 19:50, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ************I've already said my piece, and I think, aside from common sense, the fact that you will not find objections in the vein of this one anywhere else on this page, and the fact that I've written many FAs without going so overboard, should hint that this is not a reasonable objection. I guess it'd be nice if others would chime in. In the meantime, like I said below, I don't mind whatever CC7567 decides to do with it, but when I nominate this for FA those changes will not be included. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *************Fine, that is completely your descision and, as I don't even glance at the FAN unless asked, I won't stop you. But the fact is that all up this page there are requests for specific things to be contextified and I've been asked to context each of these things at least once in the past. Good luck with your FA attempt. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:28, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Bane rose to be one of the best, and deadliest, hunters in his time." POVish
 * 17) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Bane assembled a team of hunters to capture Senators of the Galactic Senate to force Supreme Chancellor Palpatine to free Hutt crime lord Ziro Desilijic Tiure, who had previously been arrested after he assisted Count Dooku in a Separatist plot to kidnap his nephew Jabba's son, Rotta, and turn Jabba against the Republic." A bit of a run-on, break it up.
 * 19) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * The sections are a bit too subsectioned. The Raid on the Senate section, for example, probably does not need further sectioning.
 * 21) **Got it. (I think I subconsciously did that to try and get more quotes in.) -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * There are severe linking issues in this article, normally I'd qualify this as but Coruscant, Hutt, Ziro, and other things are liked 3-5 times in the body. Each section after the intro should be considered as part of the body and everything in it is linked only once.
 * 23) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***I went through and fixed ones you had missed. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 04:47, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *There's my cursory glance, I'll look more after these are done. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 23:51, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thanks. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Cylka:
 * 28) *Bane was born on the planet Duro before the Clone Wars. - That he was born before the Clone Wars is a given. I also think that you should fit this tidbit in a bit earlier in the introduction.
 * 29) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) *In it for the credits, he would work for the highest bidder. - The language in this sentence is a bit too colloquial, and needs to be reworded and clarified.
 * 31) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *Because fellow bounty hunter Jango Fett had been killed - You should add in why the death of Fett allowed Bane to rise to the top. Something along the lines of Fett was considered the best bounty hunter or somesuch.
 * 33) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *The second paragraph of the introduction needs to be rewritten a bit. First, you should mention Ziro's arrest and the surrounding details before talking about Bane gathering a team. Next, you need to add in why Bane would be concerned with this anyway. Then, you need to clarify that Rotta's kidnapping would lead Jabba to turn against the Republic.
 * 35) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *Later working for Count Dooku, Bane stole a holocron with potential Force-sensitive infants and kidnapped the infants on the list. Bane brought them to the planet Mustafar, where Dooku's Sith Master, Darth Sidious, planned to use them for his own purposes. - This sentence needs to be rewritten a bit to clarify that the holocron held the information. Right now, it sounds as if the infants were in the holocron. Also, the use of pronouns makes it a bit unclear as to who is doing what. Please clarify this.
 * 37) **I think it sounds better now, but please check. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *caring little who employed him, as long as the credits kept flowing; - The language is too colloquial.
 * 39) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *The second paragraph of the Bounty hunter section should be reworked. First, the Clone Wars should be introduced, then Fett's death. Also, the Clone Wars have a bit too much context to them. Lastly, who thought that Bane was cruel and fearsome?
 * 41) **Addressed, and removed the "cruel" and "fearsome" part; too POV-oriented. However, it's stated here that Bane is "the galaxy's most fearsome bounty hunter, as ruthless as he is deadly." Would it be okay to say that Bane was the galaxy's most fearsome bounty hunter, or would it still be too POV-oriented? &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk
 * 42) *Jabba would turn against the Republic and would be arrested - It needs to be clarified that Rotta's kidnapping would cause Jabba to turn against the Republic.
 * 43) **Addressed, and reworded paragraph. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *Bane took his "posse" to raid the Galactic Senate in order to force-free Ziro the Hutt. - This sentence reads a bit strangely. I'm not sure that "raid" and "force-free" are the best words to use in this instance.
 * 45) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *Sing fired a sniper rifle from a long-range post, and killed most of the guards.- This sentence gives the impression that Sing killed the guards with one shot. Please clarify as to what actually took place.
 * 47) **Reworded. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *When Gran Senator Philo objected - What was he objecting to?
 * 49) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *Senator Taa, who would be picked up by Bane's ship and deliver it to the prison. - Please clarify who or what is the "it" being delivered to the prison.
 * 51) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) *Taa reluctantly obeyed, and 3D took him in the airspeeder to the prison, and collected the Hutt - What happened to Taa afterward? Was he left at the prison?
 * 53) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *clone troopers of the Coruscant Guard piled out and cornered the team. Palpatine contacted Bane, ordering him to stand down. - The wording is a bit too colloquial in this sentence.
 * 55) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *Taking pity on the "horrors" Ziro had gone through while in prison, Bane remotely activated the explosives. Fortunately, Skywalker had recovered, and cut a hole in the floor, saving himself and the Senators. Bane demanded his pay from the Hutt, as he didn't work for free. - First, why would Bane take pity on Ziro? Second, "fortunately" is POV issue and needs to be removed. Third, what did Skywalker recover from? Finally, this whole paragraph needs to have the different statements connected to each other a bit more. They are all independent of each other, and don't flow together very well.
 * 57) **Addressed, and hopefully it flows better now. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *Later during the Clone Wars, Bane was hired - The beginning of this sentence makes it sound as if Bane had not been active during the Clone Wars. Please rewrite this to reflect that Bane was hired during the later part of the Clone Wars.
 * 59) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) *fighting them directly during the galaxy-wide conflict. - In what way did Bane fight the Republic directly?
 * 61) **Removed; I think that was actually related to the hostage crisis, and not his later work. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *Bane was at the "top of his game" during the Clone Wars - Colloquial language issues. I'm bringing this up fairly often since we have many non-native English speakers who read Wookieepedia, and they may have trouble understanding.
 * 63) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) *Bane had much less moral content than Fett - Do you have a source for this? If not, it is OR/Speculation and needs to be removed.
 * 65) **It was the source at the end of the sentence. Since it wasn't clear, should it be changed? &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) *His breathing tubes were directly connected to his lungs, allowing him to hunt and do business freely in different types of atmospheres without additional protection - Why exactly did he have/need breathing tubes?
 * 67) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) *Bane will apparently be making more appearances in Season Two,[13] - You have this referenced to Youtube, however, Youtube is not considered a reliable reference. If you don't have a canon source for his appearance, then this statement needs to be removed.
 * 69) **Sorry; YouTube was the only source for the trailer at the time I added that. Since it's now up on StarWars.com, I've added the official site as the source. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) *Early versions of the character were based on Durge, - A little bit of context is needed for Durge.
 * 71) **Added. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *His model was made after sketches of a character from the original Star Wars films. - This could be expanded a bit more to include some details.
 * 73) **Addressed; I edited the paragraph to make it sound better. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) *Please take care of these objections, and I will take another look at the article. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 00:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **Thanks for the review. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I was working on this until I copied what I'd done to a subpage, since so many people were editing the article and changing things, with the intention of going for FA. I still intend to keep going with it for FA, integrating what you've done, with probably a much more comprehensive P&T and BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:47, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * That sounds fine to me. I'll be sure to support it once it's nominated. :) -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Some of the context that Naru's had you insert, CC7567, is in my opinion quite excessive and unnecessary. It's your call if you want to keep it or cut down or whatever, but I thought I'd note that I'll probably remove a lot of it in my version. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:09, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Peragus II

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second nomination; I've looked over last nomination's faults and, to my beliefs, addressed them. -- Darth tom [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) *"Following the events of 3,951 BBY, when the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed due to the Sith Lord Darth Sion's pursuit of the Jedi Exile, and a stray blast from Sion’s ship, the Harbinger, detonating the Peragus asteroid field." Is the "when" in here by mistake, because this sentence makes little sense as is.
 * 3) *"almost destroyed by attempts at" What was almost destroyed? The mining facility or the planet?
 * 4) *"The planet was devoid of any sort of native species, with Peragus II also being devoid of any sort of Human settlements other than the Peragus Mining Facility, a facility sealed to the planets atmosphere other than when exited when wearing a space suit." This reads poorly. Plus, you already mentioned the mining facility; no need to repeat context.
 * 5) *The drift chart info seems unnecessary and can probably be removed.
 * 6) *"The first fuel mining colony established on Peragus II proved to be short of life, when an accidental blaster shot triggered an explosion of flammable substances in Peragus II's crust and mantle, so powerful that it turned a large chunk of the planet into an asteroid field, which would become the Peragus asteroid field, and exposed its core" This bit is confusing and needs to be clarified and written better.
 * 7) *Your referencing is completely unnecessary. If all the info in one paragraph comes from one source, no need to source it multiple times in that paragraph. For example: The second paragraph all comes from KOTOR II. Just have the one source at the end of it, rather than scattered throughout.
 * 8) *Context on Citadel Station.
 * 9) *"After the Jedi Civil War, Telos IV relied on this resource to keep Citadel Station in orbit, and with the most humanitarian elements of the Senate putting their careers at stake in the restoration project, any interruption of the work on the Peragus mining facility was likely to have greater repercussions throughout the Republic. If the fuel supply was somehow compromised, Citadel Station would risk falling onto the planet's surface, dooming the restoration efforts there and throughout the Outer Rim." This is written a bit poorly, and is confusing. The restoration project needs to be explained a bit more.
 * 10) *Context on Kreia.
 * 11) *Rather than having many small pargraphs in the "Skirmish" section, try combining several of them.
 * 12) *What is the Exile's standing with the Jedi?
 * 13) *Context on Goto.
 * 14) *Why did HK-50 want the Exile for himself? To claim the bounty?
 * 15) *Context on Atton Rand, please.
 * 16) *"The destruction of the mining station had a deeper impact than the Exile could imagine." I think this is unnecessary, and it seems OR. Remove it, I'd suggest.
 * 17) *The last sentence of "Aftermath" is really confusing. Who is G0-T0? What is going on?
 * 18) *You refer to it as both the "facility" and the "Facility". Please choose one and stick with it.
 * 19) *When you have an Inhabitants section, there's no need to detail the species that live there earlier. The same with repetitive descriptions of the mining facility.
 * 20) *Linking! You have things that need to be linked, and links that are repeated. I fixed some things for you, but you should do at least some of it yourself.
 * 21) *Having never played this game, I find myself confused at many things described in the article. Please go through, contextify things, and fix up the general prose.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:10, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Alright, I've addressed those. -- Darth tom [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:10, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll refrain from voting until there's been some feedback. -- Darth tom [[Image:Imperial Emblem.svg|20px]] <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Mission to Rugosa

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Was considering nominating a(nother) character, but instead did an event. (I think I may be reaching my limits for GANs...possibly.) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer
 * 2) * Rugosa didn't join the Republic afterwards. It was a neutral moon. Toydaria did. Rugosa was not a moon of Toydaria either.
 * 3) **Whoops. Got that. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The Episode guide should be added to the sources.
 * 5) **Done. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Did you watch the video commentary on the episode? It should add some Bts info, and should also be added to the source lists. --Eyrezer 08:04, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Added it to the source lists, but unfortunately right now I don't have access to the website. I'll check it later when I do. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **I just watched the commentary, and it didn't really add any Bts info, only for Rugosa and not the mission itself. I don't believe the info was relevant, so since the commentary didn't provide new info on the mission itself, I don't think it should be part of the sources. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:00, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Senate hostage crisis

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Possibly going to go for an FA later, but at least half the article's length comes from the "Prelude" section. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Dark Lord Trayus 22:41, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Pretty expansive.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 13:25, 5 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Graestan's preliminaries:
 * 2) * A conjecturally titled article should never begin like "the Senate hostage crisis was&hellip;" Please alleviate this by just diving into the intro and then bolding the word that best describes the topic of the article.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Unsourced items in the infobox.
 * 5) **Drat; missed those.
 * 6) * "Objective" field in the infobox is worded too vaguely.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * The article looks like an image farm. Please cull a few.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:56, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the first look. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 00:14, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) More before I dive in there:
 * 13) *Intro needs to be expanded significantly in terms of the event itself.
 * 14) **Addressed. (If it's actually too lengthy, please let me know.)
 * 15) *Speculative/OR statements abound. Please go over the article and see what may be a reach of the mind as opposed to reporting the facts. Especially look out for statements of the unknown.
 * 16) **Addressed (hopefully).
 * 17) *Context is still lacking in a few areas. I saw the word "Vigo" used quite out of the blue, for example. Please check the article over for similar instances.
 * 18) **Added where needed; I removed "Vigo" altogether, since it's not really relevant.
 * 19) *Certainly also some unnecessary info. I saw some reference to Kenobi that was entirely irrelevant. This is also something to check for.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) *Good luck with these, let me know when you're ready for my full review. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:57, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **For some reason, I have a bad feeling about this, but I believe I'm ready. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 06:11, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Sha Dun

 * Nominated by:  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:37, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ambitious Legacy

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:10, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:26, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 14:35, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Looks good.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) True Kilson Likes PIE 16:31, 12 April 09 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * Context on Azard needed in intro.
 * 3) **Added.
 * 4) * Parts of the first paragraph of the bio read too much like the intro. Please reword.
 * 5) **Reworded the intro, how's it looking now? :)
 * 6) *Very nice work, Grunny. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:50, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks, Tranner :D.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 13:13, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) This is a really small objection, but you forgot to reference the last sentence in the Behind the Scenes section. Other than that, seems cool. Kilson Likes PIE 02:42, 12 April 09 (UTC)
 * 9) *Its self-sourcing: "who appears in the Trust Issues story arc", therefore a reference would be superfluous.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 14:25, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Raid on Ziro's Palace

 * Nominated by:  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 18:51, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Figured I'd get my feet wet

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 23:10, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Well done. I was just watching TCW for the first time yesterday. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:19, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:26, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A look from the clone
 * 2) *Looks like your first GAN is going well. A few (well...not really) Some things to check:
 * 3) * The Clone Wars isn't mentioned at all in the description, despite the fact that the raid took place during the conflict. The Republic should also be mentioned, as it was a participant.
 * 4) **How's it look now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * I would recommend placing context for every time you first mention something. It doesn't have to go down to the minor things, such as the blaster rifle Amidala used, but Count Dooku should be mentioned as either a Sith Lord or Head of State of the Confederacy, and so on.
 * 6) **Done.  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Can the Prelude section be expanded? What were the circumstances for Dooku's deception? It can also be mentioned here (instead of in the aftermath section) that the Jedi were trying to gain safe passage through Hutt Space as well, since the Republic's pursuit of a treaty with the Hutts is mentioned but not explained.
 * 8) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Can more corresponding quotes be found and used?
 * 10) **I had planned on it, but didn't have my copy of the film to put in my laptop at work. Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * Even with the appearances section, the Bts can mention where the raid appeared.
 * 12) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * A sentence or two can be added to the "Storming the palace" section, saying that Ziro believed that Amidala was too "dangerous" to be kept alive. (I wouldn't recommend using it as a quote, because it doesn't detail the events of the raid itself.)
 * 14) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * You might want to consider saying that Ziro later escaped with assistance from Cad Bane. It's not completely necessary, but as the two events are related (as Ziro's capture led him to employ Bane to break him out of prison), it would make sense to mention it in one or two sentences.
 * 16) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:42, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *&mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:43, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the suggestions. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:45, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Grunny's first look:
 * 20) * This is a conjecturally-titled article, so the title of the article should not appear at the start of the article or anywhere else.
 * 21) **Mind if I ask what difference that makes? I haven't found anything that says that's against the MOS or Layout Guide. I've changed it for now, but frankly, I don't think it makes the introduction look more professional. I mean that's what the conjecture tag is for after all. My preference would be to put it back the way it was. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***No worries, its under WP:ATT. In FA/GAs we need to be able to trace all the information back to a source, and by giving the bolded and capitalized "Raid on Ziro's Palace was a conflict" in the article's intro you are giving it a title that has no source. You will see examples of the same thing on a number of similar FAs. I've reworded it a little, see what you think of it, and change as you see fit :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ****I got ya now. That looks good. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 15:26, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Intro - Dooku needs context as the leader of the Separatists.
 * 25) **Done -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Intro - For clarity try to work it so the Republic and Separatists are linked as the major combatants in the Clone Wars.
 * 27) **I tried rewording a few different ways, and it just sounded bad. I can't see how I'm gonna do that. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *** You could do something with the last sentence similar to how you have in the bio, something like: "It also allowed the forging of an agreement between the Republic and Hutt clan allowing Republic forces safe passage through Hutt Space, giving them access to the Outer Rim Territories, which had been cut off by the Separatists." But I'll leave that up to you. This way it is clearer that the Separatists are the Republic's adversaries.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ****That just seems repetitive to my thinking. But I just need to wrap my head around the fact that it's an intro, so info can be duplicated in the article proper. This one is fixed now. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 15:26, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * You need to mention that it took place during the Clone Wars in the article body.
 * 31) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * While adding in the Clone Wars, try to link the Republic and the Separatists as the major participants in some way.
 * 33) **Did this the best I could in the Prelude section, first paragraph. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***That's good :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Over/Underlinking: Check to see if you link everything once in the intro and once in the article body. I got a few but best if you take another look :).
 * 36) **I'm not catching anything that's missing or overly linked. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***I think I got the last couple :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:28, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Good work for your first nom :D.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:58, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:25, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm not sure if we already have one, but if not, you may want to consider making a page for "Ziro's palace" itself.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 22:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Ziro's Palace. :) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 22:22, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Treaty of Coruscant

 * Nominated by:Dark Lord Trayus 00:35, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:This will, of course, need to be updated as more info emerges, but I think its pretty strong right now for what's available.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) As long as it is regularly updated with new info --Jinzler 11:09, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 21:09, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:32, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:01, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Jinzler
 * You should say something on how Gnost-Dural later created a record of the treaty and the events surrounding it for the Jedi Archives --Jinzler 21:40, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Oh haha good idea thank you. =] Dark Lord Trayus 00:35, 8 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) I'm also wondering how we plan to treat the timelines. Are we going to see it as source material like the essential guides and the Chronicles of the Old Republic? Because like them, the timelines are in-universe accounts. Or are we treating it like the Threat of Peace comics? Dark Lord Trayus 19:49, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) I'm having some sourcing issues so when you review and see that just remember I'm working on it. Haha if you'd like to help me out thats welcome too because I'm really not good at the sourcing script. Dark Lord Trayus 00:35, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) I don't want to strike my objection, as this article is pretty good, but there is some new info here that could be added --Jinzler 08:13, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Thank you very much. Its added in. Dark Lord Trayus 21:35, 11 April 2009 (UTC)

Serpent's Smile

 * Nominated by: -- Harrar 00:28, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Zsinj starship. Devoid of anything NJO or Yuuzhan Vong ;)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments
 * c.2250 words, so below the GA limit. Thought I'd run it through here first as it's my first starship nomination and I'm unusure of some stuff, like whether if we know the class we put in general information even if it's unconfirmed. Plus not sure if my description or commanders and crew sections are that great! -- Harrar 00:28, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Can someone also check cswe? Thanks -- Harrar 00:28, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified Imperial commander

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:31, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another unidentified commander nom from me.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *In the intro: Provide context on the Battle of Thyferra.
 * 3) *In the intro: Why would Vader execute him even though he won the battle?
 * 4) *"During the search for a rogue Imperial Moff Kalast, who had been feeding the Rebel Alliance with secret information concerning the newest Imperial superweapon, the Death Star, this commander was in charge of the Imperial forces during the Battle of Thyferra, until the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader arrived." Split up.
 * 5) *In the prose itself, there's an overabundance of commas. Split up some of the sentences and reword to make it all flow better.
 * 6) *"The Dark Lord soon discovered that the traitor was Moff Kalast and captured him." The article says that Vader found the traitor while the commander was still alive, but this sentence states that he found the traitor after killing the commander. Please clarify.
 * 7) *In BtS: Contextify code cylinder.
 * 8) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 22:58, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) We don't bumrush shows&hellip;we shut shows DOWN:
 * 10) *"Although the battle was won, Vader executed the commander for his incompetence." His incompetence doing what?
 * 11) *"This Human male individual, a member of the Imperial army&hellip;" Was he a just a member of the army, or a commander like the title suggests?
 * 12) *"was sent to the planet Thyferra, after it had been discovered that the clue to the identity of the Imperial traitor could be obtained from a Rebel base located there." What is the clue, and who is the Imperial traitor? The way these subjects are introduced reads as though we already know of what you speak. If the traitor's identity is a secret, the article should be written in such a way that we know of the treason before we know of the traitor. You have it reversed. Also, if the traitor's identity is secret, it shouldn't be held as one to the reader; you can write this in such a manner that we know who the traitor is, even though the characters you are writing about do not.
 * 13) *Good show, young Jedi. —Tommy [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 19:59, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) *Quote attributions are to be without sentence-ending periods and the like. —Tommy [[Image:Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg|17px]] ( Nine two eight one ) 19:59, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Cad Bane's posse

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  [[Image:Nute777.png|20px]] ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 22:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Been working on this for a while now...

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Before I even get started, please see the message I left on the talk page for the article's workbench page. It includes most of my objections there, since I'd rather not have to post it twice. The article is simply too descriptive to be reviewed, and I'd prefer that you address that before I review it in detail. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 23:00, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Banjeer

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:13, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Going through GAN process before FAN process.

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Pointless. Bring this to FAN, most ricky-tick.  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:41, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Should probably mention the fact that there's a Banjeer family estate on Anaxes, even though we can't draw the direct conclusion that the Admiral himself is from there. Coruscant and the Core Worlds, page 47. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:48, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I don't have that book. Is that all the information? And thanks for the other image. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:19, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Alright, I added the info to the BTS. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:12, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * If a better infobox image is desired, I'll try to get one. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:13, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Nevar

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:24, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 341-word nom about a treacherous Imperial general assassinated during the Battle of Hoth. Get it while it's hot.

(4 ACs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) This will nevar be an interesting article, but it's a good one. Dark Lord Trayus 07:12, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) "What, Nevar?"/"No, Nevar!"/"What, Nevar?"/"Well, hardly ever!" (with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan) -  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 10:11, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:14, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) [insert witty "Nevar" pun here]  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:34, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Objections hashed out in IRC.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:59, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) He'll nevar let you down. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 21:49, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Nevar gonna give you up/Nevar gonna let you down/Nevar run around and desert you/Nevar gonna make you cry/Nevar gonna say goodbye/Nevar gonna tell a lie and hurt you.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 01:14, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * "Additionally, Inside the Worlds explains that "Wedge…[deploys] Rogue 3's harpoon and tow cable against the AT-AT commanded by Brigadier General Nevar," suggesting that Nevar was assassinated during the battle itself, sometime after Blizzard 2 is felled." - I'm a little confused about his assassination. You say that the line suggests Nevar was killed following the tripping of Blizzard 2, but I don't see how you came to that conclusion. You should elaborate, as best you can, on the subject. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 11:40, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Added a little bit. I'm interpreting that quote to mean that as the AT-AT is tripped, Nevar is still in command, meaning he has not yet been assassinated. It says he "commanded," rather than, say, "that was commanded... "Commanded" is being used in the present tense, so, simply assuming he wasn't commanded right at the AT-AT was tangled, he must have been killed sometime after that event. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:59, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Not necessarily. For example, the Executor could be called Darth Vader's flagship even if he wasn't on it. I think it's a bit too speculative to say that Nevar was assassinated following the tripping of Blizzard 2. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:30, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I think this one's more straightforward than you're making it out to be. The picture caption identifies Nevar as being in command of Blizzard 2 when Antilles attacks it, as in still being alive, which is also backed up by the map itself, which shows the path of "Blizzard 2, led by Brig. Nevar" on the battlefield toward Echo Base. It's not like it's an ambiguous statement we need to wrap our minds around and struggle with. In the absence of anything actually saying "Nevar was assassinated when Blizzard 2 was at this point on the map," I'm working with what I'm given. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:21, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ****An addendum to that last statement, it should also be pointed out that all of the picture captions on these two Hoth pages are in present and future tense, meaning that the caption that they provide is meant to describe in real-time the image you're looking at. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:24, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Plee

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 03:57, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: To go with Platt and Plett

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) May the PIE be with you Kilson Likes PIE 16:21, 12 April 09 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:56, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The PIE lover's view
 * 2) * You should expand the intro another two or three sentences. You could mention how he and the other scientists competed over resources while trying to rebuild the planet's ecosystem.
 * 3) **Done
 * 4) * Give some context to Leia in the intro and body paragraphs. Yes, I know for most readers it would be obvious, but for people new to Star Wars who are reading this article, a little information goes a long way.
 * 5) **I'm not sure what you want here. There is nothing about Leia that is relevant. I could say she was a NR bureaucrat, or former Senator/CoS I guess...
 * 6) ***You could just mention she's the former Chief of State or a Jedi in training.
 * 7) ****Done
 * 8) * Also, give some context to the Yuuzhan Vong and the war in the intro and the main body.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * ...indeed, another scientist tried to claim Sector Four to use for grain projects. Who is this other scientist? Does he or she have a name? If so, put it in there.
 * 11) **Not named.
 * 12) * Could you expand the Personality and traits section. I know there's not that much info out on this dude, but did he have any known habits or mannerisms. I don't care if he picked his nose once in awhile, any bit of information helps.
 * 13) **Unfortunately, no picking of noses. That's all there is.
 * 14) * Besides these five, it looks pretty nice. It's better that half the stuff I nominate. :) Kilson Likes PIE 09:00, 11 April 09 (UTC)
 * 15) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 16) *Give a few words of context for SELCORE in the intro.
 * 17) *...that's all. Very well done.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 01:09, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Iridium

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 08:48, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A planet - take a break from reviewing characters!

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Support

Object
 * 1) *Look, up in the sky! A bird? A plane? No...It's Floyd!:
 * 2) * There doesn't seems to be much info on the planet itself.
 * 3) **Never mind, read your comment.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 00:58, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Are the types of starfighters used by the pirates really relevant?
 * 5) **I think it is. From that information, a reader could infer certain things, for instance, there may be hangers for the Head hunters, or landing pads for the larger ships. Alternatively, the larger ships may be in orbit around the planet. None of these things are known, but the fact those craft were there, I feel, is relevant. --Eyrezer 01:32, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Nice job.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 00:56, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * When it comes to Iridium, all its info/references are tied up with the Pirates of Iridium. I have tried to keep this article focused on the planet, and not get waylaid talking about the organization. That information I will put in Pirates of Iridium itself. --Eyrezer 08:55, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Koro Ziil

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  [[Image:Jedi symbol.svg|20px]] ( Jedi beacon ) 18:54, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My second GAnom&hellip;feel free to tear apart! :P

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Support

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *References aren't needed since it only appears in one source.
 * 3) *The biography appears to be oversectioned. Merge some together.
 * 4) *In the intro: Provide context to Saal, the Skywalkers, and Jacen.
 * 5) *In the intro: Give some information about the Hidden Ones.
 * 6) *Give context for the Baran Do. Explain what they are.
 * 7) *Context on the caverns.
 * 8) *State Ziil's homeworld in the biography.
 * 9) *Give context on ayna-seff.
 * 10) *Explain what happened to Jacen after he left Ziil's tutelage.
 * 11) *The Arrival of the Skywalkers and the first paragraph of the Unrest in the Hidden Ones sections don't flow very well.
 * 12) *Mention that Skywalker was exiled earlier, and give the reason.
 * 13) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 00:37, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kite

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 21:05, 12 April 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:You have to get him running before you do if you want him to fly. :-) Kilson Likes PIE 21:05, 12 April 09 (UTC)

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Support

Object
 * 1) Quick glance from the clone
 * 2) *"While Kite was talking to Nune on the bridge of the Laudable, the task force was attacked by the Malevolence, a Subjugator-class heavy cruiser equipped with two giant ion pulse cannons on each of its sides that could disable any starship's shields, and then destroy the exposed ship using its turbolaser batteries." It starts out fine, but the last part of the sentence is confusing, since you go off from Kite and Nune to completely focusing on the Malevolence.
 * 3) **I meant for you to change the second part of the sentence. Leave the sentence, but cut it off after "starship's shields". You can then say how the Malevolence destroyed the Laudable itself, not saying how the Malevolence destroyed ships in general. Otherwise, it's a bit unclear.
 * 4) *"In 22 BBY, during the height of the war between the Galactic Republic and the Separatists, Kite, the nickname for a clone trooper commander in the Grand Army of the Republic, was assigned to the bridge of the Laudable. The Laudable was a Venator-class Star Destroyer that was part of Ares Nune's, a Phuii Jedi General, task force to patrol the Phu system for any Separatist activity." Saying that Kite was assigned to General Nune and was then dispatched to the Laudable would be preferable, because the way that the context is currently included breaks up the sentence flow.
 * 5) **Please check this again; say in one sentence that Kite was assigned to General Nune. And then start a new sentence and say that Kite and Nune were onboard the Laudable. Also, there are other changes that should be made to this sentence, mentioned in my second look below.
 * 6) *Additionally, the first mention of Kite as a nickname in the body makes it sound like Kite was a nickname, instead of a real clone trooper. It sounds like it was simply a term coined during the war.
 * 7) **I'm not sure if you addressed this, but this objection still remains. Since we already know Kite was the nickname of the guy, there's no need to say it twice. The first mention in the intro is enough.
 * 8) *"However, the Confederacy's new secret super weapon, the Subjugator-class heavy cruiser, the Malevolence, under the commander of General Grievous, the Cyborg Supreme Commander of the Separatist Droid Army, were hiding out of the sight of the Republic task force." Too many commas, too many pauses, and misplaced context breaks up the sentence flow here as well.
 * 9) **Mentioning Grievous in one sentence and then providing context for him in the next doesn't seem to be working. Please change it so that Grievous is first mentioned with context (and there's a good sentence flow). Perhaps just take out "under command of General Grievous" and then include it in the next sentence, so that Grievous can be first mentioned with context.
 * 10) *That's all I noticed in a first look; I'll have to continue later when my body isn't screaming at me for sleep. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 07:29, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review, I addressed your objections. Also, the next time you're feeling tired, just eat some PIE, it'll wake you up in an instant. Kilson Likes PIE 18:42, 13 April 09 (UTC)
 * 12) Now that the clone is (more or less) conscious:
 * 13) *The objections above still remain; please look at them again and see if you can improve them.
 * 14) *The guy's name is "Kite", not "Commander Kite". It's not "Captain Rex" or "Commander Cody"; titles aren't part of the names themselves. I changed it.
 * 15) *How was Kite born? Did he just pop up as a clone trooper commander out of the blue? This needs to be mentioned in the body.
 * 16) *"Kite...was assigned to Ares Nune, a Phuii Jedi General, aboard the bridge of the Laudable": So Kite was assigned to the bridge, and not the ship itself? Please change, and mention later that they were on the bridge [during the attack].
 * 17) *State the purpose of Nune's fleet before mentioning the Laudable (and that Nune and Kite were stationed aboard it).
 * 18) *"As Kite and Nune were finishing up their conversation": from this, it sounds like the conversation was extremely important (more than it should have been). Please reword and/or remove.
 * 19) *"...Grievous ordered the Malevolence to fire one of its two ion pulse cannons, which could disable the shields of any starship, at the Republic task force." Saying the effect of the ion cannons when it happens would sound better.
 * 20) *Just a note, since you changed it back: the correct spelling is "assigned", not "assinged". Also, since I missed it the first time, it's "Grievous", not "Grevious". In the future, I recommend pasting the article into Word and correcting the necessary spelling errors (since some Star Wars terms aren't recognized by the dictionary).
 * 21) *Since "deckplate" needs context (and including so would imply unnecessary importance), I would recommend changing it.
 * 22) *Continuity issues in the Bts. Shakedown was released, then the HoloNet News podcast, then "Rising Malevolence". To avoid confusion, if you can find another way to mention that the comic led into the episode while keeping continuity, it would be preferable.
 * 23) * CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 23:39, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments