User talk:Jonjedigrandmaster

'''Welcome, ! Please feel free to leave me a message, and I'll respond on your talk page. Archives: 1'''

CT-26-1409
Hey, Jonny. If you have time, can you look over your objections for CT-26-1409? I addressed them a few weeks ago, and was wondering if you not have noticed. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 12:30, January 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Does freenode work? :P I still have a few more questions.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:55, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Email sent. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 18:08, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

Hey
Hey Jon,

Any chance you can meet me in IRC sometime? —Tommy9281  ( Mechno-chair ) 03:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Hey Jon, you still having IRC connection issues? —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 17:16, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

Battle of the Rishi moon
Hello Jon. I just wanted to give you a heads-up that I left a small objection at your and JangFett's Battle of the Rishi Moon FAN over two weeks ago :) Xd1358  Talk 19:45, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * I took care of the quote, Jonny. :) Now, if you have time, I'd like to talk to you about your remaining objections for CT-26-1409 on IRC.  JangFett  (Talk) 00:41, January 24, 2010 (UTC)

Tahv
Hey there Jon. As all the other Lost Tribe of the Sith books have show the landscape of Kesh and the new cover on Paragon appears no different. I believe, based the the if it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, it is a duck precedent that seems to be coalescing, that this image must be Tahv. The Kesh article states that Tahv is the only large city on Kesh, and this fits the discription. If you agree, I'll leave it to you to place in your FA article. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 21:42, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

GAN objections
I'm sorry, but I cannot pinpoint the points that lead to your objections either in Nashiak Llalik or in Sapphire (smuggler), even after repeated re-reading. I see no pending grammar issues, probably because as the writer I notice nothing wrong with the prose; and I can't see anything important in the body that should be repeated in the intro. Could you please be more specific about whatever you dislike? Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:20, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Bait
Hello, Jon. Could you take a look at The Clone Wars: Bait ? I believe your objections from his first nomination are fixed, but I want to go sure. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:44, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * I believe that they are no fixed. If you say that the article is all clear, I'll possible re-nominate it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:50, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah and in the future, would it be possible for you to look at the other noms from me which didn't make it. I believe you were the one with the unfixed objections and I would like to now if these problems are fixed before I nominate them again. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:22, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

IRC
Hey, if you have time, can you come into IRC? I like to discuss certain issues dealing with CT-26-1409 and the Battle of the Rishi Moon.  JangFett  (Talk) 22:08, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Hey
Hey Jon,

Two things. First, the thing that I've been trying to contact you about recently has to do with WP:NSW. If perhaps you could make your way to IRC sometime later this evening we can discuss further. Second, do you have CSWE? Let me know, thanks. —Tommy 9281 02:03, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Celchu Trial
Master Jonathan gave Celchu Trial nice, good copyedit and fixed my mistakes (mostly lack of articles). Care to take another look?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 21:37, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks a lot. But if I leave a message to your talk page, you can answer it here. I keep in mind who I have been talking to and see if they have answered on their own page.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 22:23, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * It is not the alert or anything, but I prefer to read a complete conversation instead of jumping from one talk page to another. It makes the conversation difficult to follow.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 23:17, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Gas gaint (unidentified system)

 * If you could move the page because the title is spelled wrong. It says Gas Gaint not Giant. thanks Fett the 13th 01:02, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

ITS JEDI JETTSON
I HAVE THE COMIC OF BEING BOBA FETT! HE DOES APPEAR HELMETLESS IN IT!

My Question
Hi i have just joined wookieepedia & whould like to know what is wrong with the question i posted on the knowlage board - Which is better the Ebon Hawk, the Millennium Falcon or The Death Star?

Yours Sincerly Zeke Skywalker.

Hello
What's up. --Alexyodaross 02:05, March 11, 2010 (UTC)Alexyodaross--Alexyodaross 02:05, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Re: FOTJ
Thanks for the clarification on the title template --- I wasn't really sure, so I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. But it's very handy to know what it's actually for, so thank you for that. Menkooroo 14:05, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah, OK, I think I got it now. I didn't realize that a source wasn't necessary if there was no article body. Sorry for the slip-up. But I guess that sourcing everything you write isn't that bad of a habit to have, is it? :^) Cheers! And thanks again. Menkooroo 15:10, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Gwarrk
If you find a minute, could you take a look at Gwarrk ? I think his grammar errors from his first nom are gone. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:54, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

That long titled book
Hey Jon, saw you edit out the Into the Maw: Black holes, Egos and Other Forces that Devour Lives from the appearances list. I've read the part again and I feel that even though at some parts Dovan was joking, there was no indication that he was joking when he mentioned the memoir. If it was a joke, it would have been really out of place and crass of him. And thanks for the edits you've been making on the articles I make. Cheers! ToRsO bOy 02:50, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Never mind. I just saw you put it back. lol ToRsO bOy 02:51, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

GAN objections
Just to be sure: You do not have any pending objection for the GAN on Saadoon-Kauldi, true? I've triple-checked the GAN page and found none but I'm afraid there might be something I've missed. Apparently I missed a lot with that article. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:41, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

RE: Tribeless Sha
Hey Jon,

My mistake about the first mention. However, as with characters like Palpatine, Dooku, Darth Caedus, Kreia, etc., we tend to name articles based on what the individual is more/most often called/known as by others. —Tommy 9281 23:20, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

Lens Reekeene
I am sorry, but I cannot find either the offending grammar or the missing links. I have checked it time and again, trying to rewrite anything that doesn't sound absolutely right to me, and adding links whenever I felt it was useful. Apparently, I cannot find the instances by myself. Can you please pinpoint the precise problem? Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:01, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

copy-edit on Gray Jedi
Just saw it, good show! Thanks! I'll tackle the concerns of your new review some time this weekend. &mdash;fodigg  (talk) | 14:09, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

Flanker
I must honestly say that I don't find any grammar erros in Flanker. If you would point them out I can fix them. If not I will change most of the article so that they (hopefully) be eliminated.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:32, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Well but if there are some other errors they are specified too. I understand your point if it are many errors, but it's just two errors, who keep Flanker from going on.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:28, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Ah that was from Cylka, so sorry for this statement, but it would still be better. Do you plan another review on Cooker ? Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:35, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Do you still see grammar errors in this article ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:56, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Well then it would be better if you remove the nom. He's under the word requirement for a GA and if you se "many" errors which I could not find. Possible some rewriting and I nom him again in the future (not before I get green light from you).  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:55, April 21, 2010 (UTC)

Kelbis Nu
Let me know if you are happy with Kelbis Nu staying a GA. I'm glad to see you cut back a lot of that PT/PS that was added. Thee is actually very little indication given relevant to those sections, which is why they were short in the first place. --Eyrezer 06:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Gray Jedi: advice?
What do you think I should do? Stick with the GAN for Gray Jedi even though there doesn't seem to be too much enthusiasm for it, or resubmit it as a FAN? The standards are the same for GAs and FAs, right? It's just a difference of article length? I figured that I should ask you as you've been the most helpful with my GAN so far (which I am very grateful for btw). &mdash;fodigg  (talk) | 22:16, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Really? I was just about to cut more. You don't feel the text was off-topic for the article? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:17, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, I rolled back most of the changes. I left out the academies list, the Krayt stuff, and fixed some minor issues. I'm still not sure if I'd want to switch it from a GAN to a FAN. Would it get more reviews as a FAN? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 00:30, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Oh, well if it's more appropriate as FAN then I would want to go with that even if there's no real difference in process. I mean, I don't really have a preference either way; I figure the work required to get it approved would be equal. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 00:39, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sure, that'd be great. I assume the old objections would move over as well? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 01:45, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, cool. I'll nom it for FA now. Thanks, and looking forward to the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 01:57, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * I didn't get a chance to double-check those items on the GJ article this weekend. Or at least, when I did have the chance, I forgot to. I will have to look through those books tonight. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:33, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

2242
Just that I know. Do you plan another review on 2242 ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:39, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Celchu Trial, vol. 2
Cylka made me do some rather radical changes to Celchu Trial (for the better, I would say). Care to take another look at it?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 21:56, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Will do. I was wondering that. She hasn't been around for a few days. But I just got an interesting objection from Menkooroo for my choise of picture...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:58, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

thanks for the review
Thanks for reviewing my noms! I will get to those as soon as the weekend calms down. If it doesn't calm down, then Monday at the latest. &mdash;fodigg  (talk) | 20:52, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Archiving
When removing a GAN, no matter how ill-conceived, make sure you archive the nomination for posterity. --Imperialles 22:40, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Proposal
Hey Jonny,

I've got a proposition for you. Care to help me out with this? When it's all said and done, it will be a joint effort between us, if you accept. Let me know. —Tommy 9281 23:35, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * That is exactly where I need your assistance. I've got the rest of it under control, but for the DOE sections (intro included), I'd need to reread the whole thing, which will drag this out much longer than I want to. The material seems to be still fresh in your mind, so I feel that you'd be the ideal person to make sure everything is up to par. Add your name to the inuse tag, and have at her! Thanks again. —Tommy 9281 23:49, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Bane image is fine. I wanted to also add Valorum, Cognus, Set Harth perhaps, and maybe one or two others from JvS. We'll see. Good job so far. —Tommy 9281 01:07, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Gwarrk
If you find time, could you take a look if your objections on Gwarrk from his first GAnom are gone ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:35, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Some improvement ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:15, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Re: Award
Tremendous thanks for the award, Jugs! :) I appreciate it more than I can probably express in this message, and I'll be proud to display it on my userpage. But it's even more gratifying to know that I'm able to pass along to you the wisdom and knowledge that other Wookieepedians before our time have graciously bestowed upon me to help me become a quality editor, as you are, here on the Wook. Now you are the latest gifted recipient, and, rest assured, it's because you've earned this right. You're a wonderful writer, a solid editor, and a pleasure to work with in every facet of Wookieepedia, and I'm happy to help your progress and growth in any way I can. As proud as I am to receive this award from you, I hope you feel just as proud that your talents, above all else, are what facilitated all of this to begin with. So congratulations to you as well. :)

Thanks for pickin up my slack :)
Just wanted to say thanks for going fixing those Fate of the Jedi screw ups I had there. I'm tired and spaced that I needed to be making it (novel) style, I had just remembered and was actually going back to double check the stuff I have been doing. Thanks again.  TK-299  (Click Here)  13:33, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * No probs! I actually noticed that had messed certain sources up when I moved on to hassat-durr and was adding a few things. That's when I finished that one and saw that you had already fixed the others. Anyhow, hopefully I am not messing up too many things, just trying to get a feel for writing things on my own, very new at it.  TK-299  (Click Here) Imperial_Emblem.svg 13:43, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Likewise, thanks for archiving those GANs :P :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:15, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Re: WotM
Thank you Jon. I really admire all of the articles you write and it's great to know that someone who puts so much effort into their work thinks that I deserve this recognition. :) Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 18:14, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Review
If you find time, could you give CT-9/85 a review ? Thanks in advance.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:35, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

OLR-4 GAN
For some reason, my (school) internet won't let me edit the GAN page to reply to your objection but it seems to be okay with your talk page. Anyway: The book doesn't say, just that the pod made the sounds, but I've tried to make it a bit less ambiguous. Thanks,  NAYAYEN : TALK 14:13, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

No sign of Cylka
I was wondering if you could take another look at Celchu Trial soon? Cylka hasn't been around for a long while and I think I'm done with her objections to the article. You said you would take another look at it when she was done, but since she hasn't been here after I fixed her previous objections I'm quite stuck with my nom if no one else tells me what they think I should fix.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:51, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * You're not the only one with school work. I guess that is usual problem at this time of year when last tests approach before summer holidays. Good luck with yours, and thanks from any help with Celchu that you can give, when you have time.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 18:18, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

Appearances Policy
Hi Jon. I remember you telling Jedi Marty that when it comes to listing characters on a novel page, you shouldn't add the rank or title before the name, owing to a site policy. Can you tell me where I can find that particular policy? I checked the Manual of Style and didn't see it. Thanks. :) ToRsO bOy 13:04, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * No problem. I actually have the same sentiments regarding the matter. I was about to make changes on some novel articles but wanted to make sure I had something concrete to show, just in case someone asks or complains. ToRsO bOy 06:00, May 13, 2010 (UTC)

CSF FA nomination
Hi. Could you please review the Coruscant Security Force article for an FA nomination? I'm hoping to get approval as soon as I can. Thanks for your help. Coruscantfan 23:37, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

Procedure CT
Hey, Jon. Just letting you know that we've tweaked the wording of the CT on procedure so that a reply is not required. The new wording features this clause removed from option one: "All users who have cast votes prior to the desired change to be included are directly contacted and have expressed either their approval or rejection of said change by commenting under their vote, or the alteration to the vote is rendered invalid." Thanks. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:54, May 21, 2010 (UTC)

Favor
Hey, Jon,

When you get a moment, can you run through the Duel on Lehon for me please? Let me if anything needs ironing out before it gets nominated. Thanks, —Tommy 9281 20:39, May 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done, done, and done. Thanks Jon, please let me know if anything else is required. —Tommy 9281 20:28, May 23, 2010 (UTC)

RE: Tho'natu
Hey Jon,

I looked over Tho'natu's entry last night before going to sleep. It wasn't much, ans whatever's there I'll go over again to make sure there isn't anything missed. Because it's a small entry, I can make the necessary additions, if you don't mind. If you still want to do it, I'll transcribe the entry for you here. —Tommy 9281 00:04, May 27, 2010 (UTC)

Allies

 * Hey Jon, I see/understand what you mean. Sorry about that. Continue on with your updating :)--Darth Revanon 01:34, May 27, 2010 (UTC)


 * Yeah, that actually sounds like a good idea! Cause if you go on an article for a novel like Outcast, you see C-3PO listed in the Other Characters section, and then that page you showed me says otherwise. But yea, that is something that should be corrected :) Also, I know this is off topic, but how is Allies?--Darth Revanon 01:45, May 27, 2010 (UTC)


 * Oh, don't worry about not posting spoilers, I've pretty much read them all on other forums anyway :) Haven't been able to get the book yet, though. I'm really surprised at what goes on in this one. I think there's a lot more to Abeloth, and don't believe shes gone. Jaina and Jag... well, lol, what can I say about their breakup that hasn't been said everywhere else? Daala, still evil and psycho as usual, but I'm liking Dorvan a lot more though, and hopefully he'll become the next Chief of State! The Jedi Council sits around and does nothing as usual, which needs to change, and soon! I really wanna know why Jacen fell, and hopefully, with the Jedi/Sith alliance going to the Fallanassi in Vortex, we get some closure on that plot of this series. I like Tahiri a lot and I'm glad to see that she gets some closure with Anakin! Have you gotten to the Vortex excerpt yet? If so, whats happening in there? :)--Darth Revanon 02:49, May 27, 2010 (UTC)


 * Sounds interesting. Glad to see that will be getting more Lando!--Darth Revanon 17:17, May 27, 2010 (UTC)


 * Lol no problem :) I always like to read the pages that you edit cause you always do such a good job!--Darth Revanon 18:12, May 27, 2010 (UTC)


 * Lol, no problem!--Darth Revanon 21:57, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

Request
Could you possible give Na'daz a review if you find time ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:39, May 27, 2010 (UTC)

Callista
Thanks for touching that up and adding some sourcing to it. The article still concerns me, though, since Allies never explicitly says that Callista is dead (case in point Dyon surviving an encounter with Abeloth), never explicitly establishes that Callista even met Abeloth (probable, but there's nothing to say Abeloth is restricted to imitating people she's met, or even that she didn't use Luke's own memories against him). All we really know is that Abeloth used Callista's voice, image, and memories against Luke. Cav and I talked it over in IRC and we kind of reached that same conclusion based on explicit canonical statements and not suppositions made OOU or IU. That said, I believe your surmises in the article are correct but I have also sent an e-mail to Christie Golden for clarification, as I don't believe they are fully canonical at this point. Atarumaster88  ( Talk page ) 20:25, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for getting back to me. I don't have the book in front of me right this instant, but I seem to recall Luke saying/thinking something about how she'd never been Callista&hellip;I'll see about getting a page reference or something, but like you said, hopefully Golden can straighten all this out. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:37, May 27, 2010 (UTC)

Halmere
Thank you kindly for the notification. :) Thefourdotelipsis 04:08, May 29, 2010 (UTC)

Re: New Brampis
Yeah, I guess you're right. My bad.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 23:27, May 29, 2010 (UTC)

Just for fun
Could you possible give Lunker a review if you find time ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:09, May 30, 2010 (UTC)

thanks again
Hey, I just saw that Gray Jedi had reached FA status. Thanks again for all your reviews, I could not have done it without your help. &mdash;fodigg  (talk) | 13:58, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

Review
Hey Jon, could you also review Rawk, if you get the chance?-- 23:33, June 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks.-- 00:48, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

RE: Duinowguuwiwuinguin Thingo
Cheers! Thanks for the notification, and the review. :D Thefourdotelipsis 14:06, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

Jhor-Kai
Hi Jon. I've done some work on Jhor-Kai. Can you let me know if this is satisfactory and/or what else needs work? --Eyrezer 01:35, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Re: Shahan Alama
Sure; I'll get the info to you ASAP. If I don't get the chance, you might be able to ask Jang for the info, as I believe he has the book too.  CC7567  (talk) 21:52, June 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Here's your stuff:

Shahan Alama: Weequay Stalker
 * A leathery Weequay who wears a jaunty red beret, Shahan Alama joined Cad Bane's posse of bounty hunters after being kicked out of a gang of pirates&mdash;for being too nasty. With Cad Bane's crew, there's no such thing as too nasty.
 * Height: 1.85 meters
 * Homeworld: Sriluur
 * Weapons: LL-30 blaster pistol, blaster rifle, razor net
 * Talents: Gunman, expert tracker, capable pilot
 * Senate Sweep: Alama may have a bad reputation as a pirate, but he's a smart hunter: When he notices that a sentinel droid destroyed by Anakin Skywalker shows no signs of lightsaber cuts, he realizes a Jedi is on the loose&mdash;without his weapon.
 * His hat is his "favored beret saved from [his] pirate days," he has a "combat droid's arm grafted onto [his] elbow," he wears a "belt stolen from Twi'lek noble," and he has "well-worn boots of nerf-hide"

Basically, that's all the new/relevant info there is. Let me know if you need anything else.  CC7567  (talk) 02:13, June 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Bah, I was about to give you some information, too. :P CC covered all of it.  JangFett  (Talk) 06:48, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

CT Change
As per some additional discussion, an addition has been made to the wording of the "Creation of a CAN removal process" section of the comprehensive articles CT. Please take a look and make sure that you still support the amended proposal. Thefourdotelipsis 02:47, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Further amendments have been made to the "Grey Cadre" section of voting as well, specifically the outlining of no self-votes being allowed, and the removal of the "vote bypass" clause in the trial page's rules section. Thefourdotelipsis 05:27, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Rain
Hey Jon,

As you are probably aware, Zannah is very close to completion. I've finished the Rule of Two part of it, finally. I think the next step for us would be to conduct the initial copyedit ourselves; you taking on everything up until "Path to Mastery," and I'll go from there on. Then we can switch. What say you? Do you have any concerns otherwise? —Tommy 9281 00:21, July 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * We'll probably end up using that as the main image, since many users have expressed on the talk page that they would prefer it. And since it is a relatively trivial thing to argue about, I figure we can just go ahead and use it there. I'll take care of it soon, and thanks&mdash;I'll get to my portion of the copy edit soon. —Tommy 9281 01:31, July 6, 2010 (UTC)

Re: That article with a really short name
Hey Jon, I really don't have a problem with doing that&mdash;I actually wrote it that way originally, but it ended up having two super small sections that I thought could be combined. I've separated them out for now; how do you think it looks? Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 00:35, July 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * I agree, it does look much better. Thanks for the review and suggestion! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 01:13, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

RE:Jaina Solo

 * I didn't ignore your thoughts and corrections; I've just been going from beginning to end on the article. Now that I've gotten through the LotF and FotJ sections, I believe you'll find that your suggestions have been incorporated. That said, that redlink is bothersome. ;) Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:27, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

Alama
Hey Jon. Now that you've finished updating Shahan Alama, would you consider taking it to the FAN? It's already over 1,000 words, and while I'd be happy to help if you need assistance, the article has adequate quality, and it might just need some minor tinkering to be ready. Just a suggestion :) (Also, a bit of advice: unless "homeworld" is interchangeable with "birth word"&mdash;which to my knowledge it isn't&mdash;there isn't enough info to say that he was born on Sriluur, just that it was his homeworld.) Cheers,  CC7567  (talk) 20:45, July 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sure, no problem.

My stuff:
 * It might be better to clarify a little earlier in the intro that Bane recruited the hunters for freeing Ziro; right now, it sounds like it was primarily for attacking Davtokk, which is a little misleading. Also, I'm not sure if they actually intended to "capture" him, since incapacitating/defeating someone and capturing someone isn't always the same thing.
 * Can it be specified in the intro why he traveled to Florrum?
 * Same thing in the body: since Bane's purpose for recruiting Alama and the others was specifically for freeing Ziro, not capturing Davtokk, please make this clearer.
 * "However, Alama ducked suddenly and revealed Sing behind him, who was taking aim at the Jedi." Can this be worded a bit more neutrally? The "revealing" is a little heavy on Skywalker's perspective, in particular; it might be better to say something like "As Sing took aim at Skywalker, Alama ducked and allowed her to shoot at the Jedi."
 * "and only reluctantly left without his share of the bounty": I'm not quite sure how verifiable this is, as Bane did say that the proper credits had been transferred to Alama's and the others' accounts. You might want to reword this to reflect that line of dialogue, since it's rather questionable whether Bane sticks to his word or not.
 * Overall, in some places, "then" tends to come up quite often, and sometimes the uses make the chronology and sentence flow a bit choppy. Please see if there's anything you can do to fix this.
 * Other than that, that's it. Great work.  CC7567  (talk) 21:59, July 10, 2010 (UTC)