Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/2242


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

2242

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:56, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope he has not the same grammar errors as Gwarrk

(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) This has my support and I invite the ACs to have a look at it. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:10, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 00:26, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:19, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 04:34, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:54, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Shorten the intro a bit.  Xd  18:47, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've cut some explanations. Okay? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:26, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **It's still like half of the bio. Xd  19:30, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Better? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:44, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Fett
 * 6) * Welcome back, Lee. First off, in the infobox, you cannot source "human" to the db entry. "Rise of the Empire era", "Galactic Republic" and "Grand Army of the Republic" are not properly sourced either.
 * 7) **Sourced.
 * 8) * "Green Company was ordered not to attack until their Jedi General arrived." Why were they ordered not to attack? Also, who is the Jedi General.
 * 9) **Well, it wasn't stated why they should wait and it wasn't said that the Jedi General should be Fisto.
 * 10) * Missing "around 22 BBY" in the bio. Fact tags in the bio
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * "During the Clone Wars, 2242 adopted the nickname "Cooker" for being able to consistently hit the power cells of Confederate battle droids, making them burn." This reads awkwardly; mostly the "making them burn" part.
 * 13) **Reworded.
 * 14) * "Cooker's unit, Green Company," You make it sound like Green Company belonged to Cooker, although that's false.
 * 15) **Changed.
 * 16) * "...was dispatched to protect the native Rishii and was ordered not to attack until a Jedi General arrived." Why were they ordered not to attack until a Jedi General arrived?
 * 17) **Like the one above this wasn't stated.
 * 18) ***However, the way its written seems like it might have been. It's fine now, though.
 * 19) * "Fisto asked him via comlink how he received his name." Asked who?
 * 20) ** Also do you think these sentences: "Fisto asked him via comlink how he received his name. Cooker explained it to the Jedi Master and Fisto stated that he must have been a fine shot if he could hit the droids' power cells." could be reworded and added in his P&T? I find it redunant in Cooker's bio.
 * 21) ***Fixed the first and isn't the second stated in the P&T.
 * 22) ****It is, but vaguely worded.
 * 23) * "Fisto answered that that was fine because Cooker was supposed to target him." Improper English and very confusing. Please watch your grammar. Also "target him"? You failed to mention of Fisto's plan.
 * 24) **Fixed, I believe.
 * 25) * "Cooker was shocked and told Fisto that he could not shoot at him, but the Jedi explained him that he could not deflect the shots of the Geonosians, but he could deflect Cooker's shots with his lightsaber at the Genosians." This reads very awkwardly. Please be clearer. Also, I would recommend that you rewrite this sentence and the previous sentence (which is the objection above). Make sure you explain Fisto's plan, but straight-to-the-point. The way it reads currently is too pbp.
 * 26) **Fixed, I believe.
 * 27) ***Still rather too pbp.
 * 28) ****Better?-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:54, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Fisto also told Cooker to fire continuously at his shoulder and begged him not to miss." "begged" somehow doesn't work here. Who's begging and why?
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * "Fisto then noticed the massive doors to the mines opening and hoped that this meant a surrender." Read the first part to yourself out loud. "Fisto then noticed the massive doors to the mines opening" That's improper English, and is confusing. Later, you say "hoped for a surrender". Whose surrender?
 * 32) **Fixed.
 * 33) *Overall, please watch your grammar and linking. I'm going to check the article once more after you take care of these objections.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:32, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) **Thanks for the (first?) review, Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:40, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) The Grand Master
 * 36) * Intro: context for Green Company.
 * 37) **Added.
 * 38) * Intro: "and retake the exonium mines." What exonium mines? You haven't mentioned anything about them so far.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) * Grammar issues throughout the article.
 * 41) **Fixed.
 * 42) ***Still seeing some issues; mainly just a lot of awkward wording of phrases. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:03, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Better? And I will take a good look at Flanker. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:42, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) *****Several still remain. And again, please fix these objections yourself. Relying on other users to clean up your articles means that they're the ones who are really promoting the article, not you; and it also means that you aren't learning from the objections, which is the whole point of making objections to begin with. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:25, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ******If one of twenty is not fixed by me, a other user promotes this article. Dubious. How many errors are there and where?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:11, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *******The point is that grammar is a consistent problem with your noms and you need to learn to fix it yourself, because the GAN is largely about how the article is written. If an article contains poor grammar, it can often come across as incoherent and very difficult to review, because, due to improper grammar, what you're trying to say is often ambiguous. If you leave it to another user to fix this particular objection and don't even try to do so yourself, then you are not the one who is actually writing the article; the other user is. Avoiding grammar issues&mdash;along with avoiding awkward/poor wording&mdash;are basic English skills which are expected of the nominator. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:31, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ********Changed two or three. I also found two I'm rather unsure about.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:53, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *********The two changes you made are better; a couple of very minor things remain, but I'll strike for now and give the article another rerview soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:58, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) * "The Republic forces—along with some of the Rishii warriors—then arrived and attacked the mines, forcing the remaining Geonosians to flee." So Fisto and Green Company aren't Republic forces?
 * 50) **Fixed.
 * 51) * "a retreat was ordered by the arriving Jedi Master Kit Fisto." "Arriving" is rather confusing here.
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) ***This remains in the bio. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:59, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:48, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * Lots of wording of phrases in the intro and the body is exactly the same. Please change it up a bit.
 * 56) **Changed several.
 * 57) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:13, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thank you for your review Jon. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 21:30, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) The Grand Master II
 * 60) * "Adverse" doesn't really work well in the intro; please find a synonym.
 * 61) **Replaced with "vis-a-vis".
 * 62) * "Fisto revealed his plan to Cooker, which involved Cooker aiming at his shoulder and firing continuously." Does "his shoulder" refer to Cooker's shoulder or Fisto's?
 * 63) **Clarified.
 * 64) * The last couple sentences in the intro are confusing; first you say all the Geonosians had been killed, then you say the Republic forces arrived to attack the remaining Geonosian forces. Please specify that that some Geonosians were located in the canyon and others were in the mines.
 * 65) **Fixed.
 * 66) ***Please specify this beforehand. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ****Fixed.
 * 68) *****All you've done is specify it for the previous attack. Please specify that, for Fisto and Cooker's attack, some were in the canyon and some were not. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) ******Better?
 * 70) *******Grammar and over-all coherency issues here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:31, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ********Fixed.
 * 72) *********This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) **********Fixed.
 * 74) * Seeing some linking issues.
 * 75) **Fixed.
 * 76) * Link for the Geonosians' original invasion to capture the exonium mines? This and the Battle of Rishi article treat this invasion as a separate battle.
 * 77) **Linked and created.
 * 78) ***Redlink in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) ****Fixed.
 * 80) * "Cooker told the Jedi Master that he couldn't help him, because he had no line-of-sight with the enemy from his position." What was his position? You haven't specified it yet.
 * 81) **Fixed.
 * 82) ***Okay, but now I'm confused as to where the enemy is. I thought you stated in the intro that the Geonosians were in the canyon that led to the entrance, but if Cooker was directly across from the entrance and couldn't see the droids, how is this possible? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ****The Genosian forces where in the canyon, so that he couldn't see them.
 * 84) *****But if he was right across from the canyon how could he not see the Geonosians in the canyon? If he couldn't see in the canyon, perhaps this is not the right wording here; please check your meaning. Also, in the bio picture caption, you say he was above the canyon. Which is correrct? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) ******Clarified.
 * 86) ******* Also, on the picture, it appears he is on some sort of ledge. Perhaps mentioning this would be advantageous. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) ********Added.
 * 88) *********Just to clarify, the previous objection remains. Please adjust wording so this is more clear. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) **********Clarified.
 * 90) ***********I'm seeing no changes. Please specify how, if he was directly across from the canyon, he could not see the canyon. Again, I suspect you have used wording that means something you did not intend to mean here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:41, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) ************He could see the canyon but he couldn't see the Geos. I don't really understand your problem.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:11, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) *************I understand that. What I'm asking you to specify is why he couldn't see them. Because otherwise it's confusing to the reader how he could see the canyon, and the Geonosians were in the canyon, but he couldn't see them. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **************Added that the enemy was "well-entranched". Hope this helps.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:29, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) * The first three sentences of the third paragraph in the bio are worded poorly/awkwardly. Again, normally a "sofixit", but you need to learn to do this yourself.
 * 95) **Fixed.
 * 96) ***The third sentence is still awkward. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) ****Better?
 * 98) *****Well, it's less choppy, but why do you wait so long to say it? Why not mention that fact sooner? Right now it sounds like an after-thought. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) ******Fixed.
 * 100) *******Grammar. Lee, this problem is getting very old. After almost every objection you fix, there are grammar issues created by your rearranging of phrasing. Please be more careful. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 101) ********Better ?
 * 102) * Why don't you mention how Cooker saved Fisto in the intro?
 * 103) **The intro would not be proportional to the bio (Xd's objection).
 * 104) ***That doesn't matter, because this is vital information; use synonyms and alternate phrasing to make it shorter and to shorten other things in the intro, but never leave out important information. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) ****Fixed.
 * 106) *****Grammar/poor phrasing. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) ******Better?
 * 108) *******It's a bit of a run-on now. Also, why did you remove the link? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) ********Fixed.
 * 110) * First sentence of the P/T: did he like to watch the power cells burn, or the droids themselves?
 * 111) **Fixed.
 * 112) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 13:06, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 113) **Thank you for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:50, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * How do we know that Cooker was "loyal and obedient?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) **He obeyed Fisto's orders.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:30, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) ***So we know he obeyed orders once (something which was expected of him). This in no way means he was particularly obedient (after all, he did question Fisto's orders at first) and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with loyalty. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) ****He obeyed all orders from Fisto and was loyal enough to save his General. And if he obeys order he is obedient.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:01, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) *****This remains. Unless the source says that he was particularly loyal or obedient, this is a pretty baseless claim. You can pretty much say that every being ever created for the Star Wars universe is "obedient" because of that one time they followed orders. And to say that because 2242 helped Fisto he is "loyal" is completely POV and even OR. Please avoid using such generic statements as fillers in the P/Ts of articles. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) ******I changed it to "loyal and obedient like a clone trooper should be".  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:15, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) *******First off, this does not in any way fix the original objection. Second, does the source state that that's how a clone trooper should act? If not, then that is also OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:41, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) ********I sourced it with the databank. If you still insist on removing the loyal and obedient part, I'll remove it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:11, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) *********Again, this does not fix the objection. I repeat: You can pretty much say that every being ever created for the Star Wars universe is "obedient" because of that one time they followed orders. It's a pretty baseless and generic claim that shouldn't be used as a filler in the P&T. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 123) **********Removed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:29, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) The intro needs to be much shorter. Please summarize more and don't bother with the specific outline of the entire battle; just Cooker's role is necessary.  Graestan ( Talk ) 18:23, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) *A good practice for judging how long an intro should be is by comparing its length in relation to the rest of the article. In this case, cutting the intro by about a third would be appropriate. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:27, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) **Cut down info not directly relevant to Cooker.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:31, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 127) "During the Clone Wars, 2242 was known by the nickname "Cooker" for being able to consistently hit the power cells of Confederate battle droids, resulting in the burning of the droids." - I'd like to see this rephrased slightly; "burning of the droids" doesn't really sound right. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:27, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 128) *Changed burning to combusting. Thanksfor your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:21, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

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