Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/The Clone Wars: Bait


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

The Clone Wars: Bait

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:31, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One more for the OOU party

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) After numerous fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 12:54, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 01:23, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 12:53, October 21, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * First of all, split that giant paragraph up into two paragraphs.
 * 3) **Splitted
 * 4) * "Skywalker's Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano reports that they're approaching the ice field on schedule." Are you sure that she said "ice field"? Because, per the article, that field is on a planet and Skywalker, Kenobi, and Tano are in space. Clarify
 * 5) **Adressed.
 * 6) ***You must have misunderstood me. Could you double check the comic once more. The way you just added "in space" doesn't look right.
 * 7) ****Checked. She says the ice field. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****However, the way you add it in the text: "the ice field in space," it make sense here. So their is an ice field in space? Clarify.
 * 9) ******(hopefully) clarified. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Tano reveals that she thinks that it is a dumb plan and the Separatists will never fall for it." What is the plan?
 * 11) **Expanded.
 * 12) * You mention that Skywalker dumps the fighter out into space but later on, Skywalker appears that he was in the fighter but you didn't mention it. Also, you mention that he brought along a "fraud" lightsaber, mention this early as well.
 * 13) **Added.
 * 14) ***Now you changed it. You say now Kenobi releases the fighter into space, however, you mentioned that Skywalker released it. Double check, don't just assume/speculate Lee.
 * 15) ****It's not stated who released the fighter. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *****No need to speculate then Lee. You can change the wording to "After the fighter was released in space...," though, Now you say the Twilight released it. I would recommend not mentioning whom released the fighter, since it isn't mentioned in the comic.
 * 17) ******Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * I'm seeing a repetition of "Skywalker," later on in the plot. i.e after, "In a hangar, battle droids orders the Jedi to come out of the fighter, because they are aware of his presence inside the fighter, due to the life-form scanning." Vary "Skywalker," you can use his respected Jedi title.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * JangFett  Talk 15:46, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:26, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Changing
 * 23) * Per The Clone Wars: Headgames, it is now recommended that OOU comics shouldn't switch the tense of the sentence in the intro. Feel free to see what QuiGon had done, as it looks much better than the past approved TCW OOU comic GAs.
 * 24) **Not seeing a change.
 * 25) ***Whiy change ? It looks exactly like Headgames.
 * 26) ****Lee, no it does not. Look at the first sentence from the intro in Headgames and compare it to Bait.
 * 27) *****Sorry, I've got my dies ater today. Fixed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:46, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Per Headgames, it is now recommended that you should have the BtS of an OOU comic as this,
 * 29) **a) What it is, what it ties into, and who made it.
 * 30) ***Fixed.
 * 31) **b) What happens in it.
 * 32) ***Fixed.
 * 33) **c) Miscellanea like the Easter egg.
 * 34) ***No miscellanea.
 * 35) * Instead of dividing the BtS, as well as, adding an "Developing section," Graestan also mentioned that the BtS should have two total paragraphs, one for the OOU information and one pertaining to the actual content of the subject (including the Easter egg).
 * 36) * JangFett  Talk 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Fixed. Thanks for the info. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) Mauser:
 * 39) * Watch the referencing. You have a link called "The Clone Wars online comic page 86" that actually leads to page 69; the link called "The Clone Wars archives-eleventh page" which leads to seventh page of the archives.
 * 40) **How can that be corrected ?
 * 41) ***To correct that, don't just copy-paste from other articles, do a little wiki-formatting yourself.
 * 42) ****Think, It's done. (I hope so)
 * 43) *****I see that you didn't even touch it.
 * 44) ******Need some help with this
 * 45) *******Took some time but corrected. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:28, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "illustrated and lettered by Grant Gould, with art drawn also by Gould." - Uh? Why repeat the same statement twice?
 * 47) **Where is this ?
 * 48) ***I removed that mysekf during the copy-edit =)
 * 49) * Context for Twilight.
 * 50) **Added.
 * 51) ***Old? Spice freighter? You have sources for that? "Skywalker's personal freighter" should do.
 * 52) ****Fixed.
 * 53) * "due to the fact he wants to infiltrate the frigate of Confederate Head of State Count Dooku." - erm, Skywalker doesn't say that.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) ***He didn't say anything about his intentions directly.
 * 56) ****Fixed.
 * 57) * "Tano tells Skywalker that his plan of sneaking on the Separatist ship is a dumb." - rewrite it to look less POV. "She expresses her opinion about the plan" or something like that.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) * "However, Skywalker calms her down" - she wasn't angry pr something, why "calm down". Also, why "however"?
 * 60) **Adressed.
 * 61) * "The fighter is then realeased in space, with Skywalker onboard." - you don't mention the broken hyperdrive ring? You don't mention that the fighter appears to be damaged?
 * 62) **That was my fault, I fixed it.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "Prior to boarding the fighter, Skywalker left his lightsaber on the Twilight and took a fraud lightsaber with him." - If it's prior, that it must be told prior, not after.
 * 64) **Same comment as above.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Is there a particular reason why you're using dialogue instead of quote? The second one would look better IMO.
 * 66) **I personally thinks it looks better.
 * 67) * "tells the droids that he is just waiting on an invitation." - now, that part is too trivial.
 * 68) **A part to what ?
 * 69) ***You don't need to retell every single peace of dialogue.
 * 70) ****Fixed.
 * 71) * "while he dons a spacesuit to rescue Skywalker" - that alone would suffice for a rescue? Also, resquing wasn't their intent all along, they were going after Dooku.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) ***Nothing changed in that part.
 * 74) ****It is never stated in the comic that they were after Dooku. Also what do you mean with the first ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:51, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ****I mean that putting a spacesuit on alone will not rescue Skywalker. Also, if something is not in the comic, while it is in the summary?
 * 76) *****Fixed.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:32, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ******Oh, come on! "He dons the spacesuit and goes into space" - that's really choppy. Lee, no offense. but you need to work on your english.
 * 78) *******Better ?
 * 79) ********Except for he doesn't leave Twilight in the comic.
 * 80) *********Hope it's now fine. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:38, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) **********Come on, Lee, check the comic again. He does not leave anywhere in it!
 * 82) ***********Right
 * 83) * "At the end of the comic, Obi-Wan Kenobi came to rescue him" - Oh, he hadn't came yet.
 * 84) **Where is this ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:40, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) The Grand Master
 * 86) * Your external link leads to the end of the first Season Two comic, rather than to Bait itself. Please fix this.
 * 87) **Which link exact ?
 * 88) ***There is only one link in the External Links section. It would be that one.
 * 89) ****Ah yes. Corrected and I correct the other tomorrow. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:44, October 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) *Several grammar errors.
 * 91) **Corrected several.
 * 92) ***You have made no changes.
 * 93) *You use phrases in the Plot Summary that are taken pretty much word-for-word from the comic itself. Please paraphrase these.
 * 94) **Changed some of them. Please say so if I should change them all.
 * 95) ***You have made no changes here either.
 * 96) ****Someone has changed them back. Please state if I should rewrite all or only some.
 * 97) *****Please paraphrase them all. You cannot just copy phrases from the comic.
 * 98) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:03, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) **Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 16:14, October 4, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Lee, please go back and correct all of your links to the web comic. Someone has moved all season one comics to a new category called "season1" on StarWars.com. You should be able to find "Bait" within the season one comics, and then change the external link and your references.  JangFett  (Talk) 02:31, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * I hate that guy. Fixed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:13, October 20, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)
 * 1) Unaddressed objections for three weeks.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:36, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 18:21, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:25, October 26, 2009 (UTC)