Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kivan wraith


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

(+2)
Support
 * 1) Okay I have given this a lot of work and read the book a billion and one times to get all info. Hope you guys like it! Purplegethos 14:17, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I like it, its very informative, but I think that you start too many sentences with they, if you edited it a bit more it would be better.  Jaina Leia Mara Jedi Knight

Oppose
 * 1) I suggest you read the layout guide and look at other good articles. This still needs work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:27, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The intro has present tense and the prose is very choppy. It's not smooth.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:31, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) It's formatted like a character article. Sections should be something like "Appearance," "Society and culture," "History" or somesuch. It also lacks an intro, has OR in the "P&T," BtS is a bit strange, isn't fully sourced, and there's at least a few prose issues. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:11, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Per Purplegethos's request, I've left a more specific set of objections:
 * 5) **Still needs to be entirely sourced.
 * 6) **There's quite a few punctuation errors, particularly with commas. E.g. "Kivan wraiths were created by, John Whitman." While MS's spellcheck seems to have cleared up most of the spelling errors, don't trust it for grammar.
 * 7) **The pronunciation guide is more than a little silly.
 * 8) **The intro is a bit strange; it seems to go into unnecessary detail while leaving out some important facts. It doesn't say they are a sentient species or anything of the sort. The intro also uses the pronoun "your," which is a big no-no.
 * 9) **If "It is unknown if they need nourishment, seeing as they don't have a system to digest anything" is stated in form in the text, please reword to sound less ORish; if it is not, then please remove it as it is OR.
 * 10) **There's info in the intro which isn't in the main body at all.
 * 11) **Intro jumps tense a lot.
 * 12) **"We can conclude from this" is OR.
 * 13) **"Appearance" jumps tense a bit, as does the intro, to a greater extent.
 * 14) **The lead quote of "Appearance" doesn't seem to have any relevance to their appearance; it might be more suitable in the "History" section.
 * 15) **""glowed with darkness, not darkness of pure night, but darkness of late evening"" ought to be paraphrased into more encyclopediac terms.
 * 16) **The "History" section is quite confusing, particularly the final paragraph. A lot of added detail would be welcome. Too, the first paragraph has lots of short sentences which read like a list.
 * 17) **The History section should start off by saying that Gog was responsible, and then move onto how they blamed Hoole. It doesn't need to be revealed the way it is in the source.
 * 18) **First sentence of the BtS should be removed.
 * 19) **A general expansion in detail in the interest of clarification is needed. This still has ways to go, unfortunately. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:39, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 21) *Very hard to read and a number of spelling errors. Read it aloud, word-by-word and tell me if that sounds understandable.
 * 22) *Short article, but should still conform to species layout.
 * 23) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:53, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I hope this can become a good article, if you guys can oppose something, i will do my 100 percent best to fix it. Thanks! Purplegethos 14:17, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I went back, added a couple sections and some quotes and info from the book. Hope that satisfies you needs more work. Purplegethos 15:24, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Ackbar, I went back and changed my article names and got a good Bts from my observation after reading the book a lot of times. I hope you like it know! --Purplegethos 18:32, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Went to Microsoft Word and fixed spelling errors and sentence fragments, So it is a bit easier to read outloud. Reason for short article is b/c that is basically all the book is giving me, I could add a bit more though I think. Good day. Check!--Purplegethos 19:31, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I have corrected everything you guys have said, hopefully you can take back you opposes and support it!--Purplegethos 13:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I noticed a few spelling and grammar mistakes  Jaina Leia Mara Jedi Knight
 * Jaina, I spell checked it, there are no grammer/spelling errors.--Purplegethos 14:44, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * THANKS ACKBAR!!! I can see that I did make big mistakes. I just made a MAJOR re edit, do you like it know? I address all of your problems the best I could!--Purplegethos 17:20, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Finally (Thanks to ataru) was able to upload the picture of the Kivan wraith. Hope you guys like it!-- —Purplegethos ( Talk ) 21:26, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Do we need two articles on the same people? I created Kivan a while back. Perhaps one should be redirected to the other and work can be continued from there.--Darth Oblivion 21:56, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I saw your article a while back.... that's why some of our stuff is the same... I remebered some of it. Not totally. But if checked. My article is clearly better and has WAY more information...-- —Purplegethos ( Talk ) 22:08, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * It's not about which article is "better," but about which one is the more logical title. I would go with Kivan, and just move over the current article there. Also, the article isn't "yours" or anybody else's. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:25, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't mean "Mine" I meant that it was the one I was working on. I'll move it over i guess....-- —Purplegethos ( Talk ) 23:11, 15 May 2008 (UTC)