Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Relin Druur


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Relin Druur

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:23, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A main character from Crosscurrent; my longest FAN yet

(3 Inqs/6 Users/9 Total)
Support
 * 1) ShaakTi1138 18:24, April 14, 2010 (UTC). Great work :D
 * 2) I remembered to change the numbers this time! Also great work. Menkooroo 03:51, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) I admittedly enjoy your chosen ref name for Crosscurrent quite a lot. :P  CC7567  (talk) 05:20, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Haha :P Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice. Time for his nemesis ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:11, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *I've contemplated it, but it probably won't be any time soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 17:21, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Awesome dude, IMO.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:29, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) Nicely done. --Imperialles 17:35, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Hearty work. I should probably read Crosscurrent. Thefourdotelipsis 04:16, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) I love it when I get to an article and I can't find anything left to fix. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 17:29, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:25, May 31, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) http://objection.ytmnd.com
 * 2) *Quick glance: You should mine for more bts info. On April 2nd at 5:44am, Paul S. Kemp shared his thoughts on Druur's fall. More from me later! Menkooroo 03:57, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Hmm, I'm not sure how much of that really falls into BTS material, because Kemp is essentially just explaining to darthjulian777 why Druur fell to the dark side, all of which is already in the article body. I considered adding the bit about his intentions on why he portrayed Hassin the way he did (and how it related to Druur's fall), but even that seemed like it would belong better in Hassin's BTS, rather than Druur's. Thanks for pointing me to the thread, though! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:22, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Yeah, you're probably right. But in the tradition of "actor and author comments", it might be worth noting in a quick sentence or two that Kemp saw Relin's fall as the result of something very human, and that he thought that Druur responded in a very human way to that loss --- or, even more interestingly, that Kemp states that Druur's rage at himself goes unacknowledged? I won't push this, but, ya know, think about it. Menkooroo 14:01, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Restating again what I said above: everything that Kemp says in that post really just restates what's already been said in the article, because it can all be found in the novel itself. Kemp was just explaining to someone on the forum boards who, for whatever reason, couldn't understand why Druur fell to the dark side. But we obviously get it here, so there's really no point in adding that info to the article, when its already there. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:58, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Fair enough. Like I said, I'm not going to push it. Menkooroo 06:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * There are a few instances where you talk about how Druur fought Rrogon or Massassi Warriors, or that he incapacitated people --- I know he's a Jedi, but you should still probably mention that he did so with his lightsaber.
 * 8) **The problem is that a lot of the time, he did so with the Force, rather than with his lightsaber, and to point out for each separate instance which was which would be far too play-by-play. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * Second duel with Rrogon: "As he waited there for Rrogon to arrive: --- why was he waiting for Rrogon? All that's been mentioned so far is that his mission is about destroying the Lignan.
 * 10) **Fixed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) * Is the "meanwhile" necessary? The text hasn't changed scenes here or anything.
 * 12) **Removed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Heh, I actually meant a different meanwhile. The one you removed was just fine. Menkooroo 16:51, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Oh, well since you didn't specify, I thought you meant the one that was right next to the text of the above objection. Which one did you mean, then? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) *****Wow... I'm sorry for dropping the ball on this one. A simple control f would have prevented my buffoonery. :^P Anyway: "Meanwhile, Druur decided that—as he was no longer a Jedi—he would not use a Jedi weapon, and threw aside his lightsaber." The other meanwhiles were great, but this one jumped at me, since it was only going from one dude to the dude right in front of him. Sorry again. Menkooroo 23:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ******Haha no problem, mistakes happen. :) Done. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:56, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) *That's all. Well done! Menkooroo 06:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) A few things:
 * 20) * Intro: Very play-by-play. Try and condense a few details.
 * 21) **Is this enough?
 * 22) * Hunting Rrogon: "The Sith ships were mining the moon for Lignan—an ore that was immensely powerful in the dark side of the Force—and Druur and Hassin found that, in this act, the Sith had completely destroyed the outer crust of the moon, eliminating all of the moon's life." Three moons in this sentence. Possible to reword a few instances?
 * 23) **Killed two of them.
 * 24) * Aboard the Junker: Last paragraph is very play-by-play. You don't have to reiterate the story, merely state what happened.
 * 25) **I cut it down and transferred some of the text to the P&T, where I felt it fit better. Let me know if you think it should be removed from there, though.
 * 26) * Second duel with Rrogon: Same thing here.
 * 27) **Is this enough?
 * 28) * Redirect links: In the intro and in Skirmish over Phaegon III.
 * 29) **Hopefully got them all.
 * 30) *We could definitely use more featured articles on recent additions to the universe. Further Crosscurrent coverage would be quite welcome, and a joy to read. --Imperialles 15:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) **I'll probably go for a couple more from Crosscurrent, although it may be a while yet, due to my free-time being taken up by some increased RL activities. Thanks very much for the review, Imp! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 17:21, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) Time travel? Like Ewoks?
 * 33) * I'm not sure that the intro needs to be so... engorged. It seems to go into the specifics a bit too often, and could probably be cut down to the size of the two paragraphs that exist.
 * 34) **Condensed and combined to two paragraphs.
 * 35) * Hmm... not too sure about using the extra crop of Rrogon. Seems a bit like overkill.
 * 36) **Killified.
 * 37) * Could the paragraph for "Legacy" possibly just be merged under the "Death" subsection?
 * 38) **Done, although it killed me to get rid of that last quote. :P
 * 39) *Otherwise excellent. Thefourdotelipsis 02:24, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) **Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 02:38, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) Flaargen flajibal nacht no heeb!:
 * 42) * Is the quote under Travel through Time a thought? If so, it needs to be removed.
 * 43) **Nope, he actually says that aloud to himself.
 * 44) * "that Sadow had been dead for centuries" Any reason you use centuries and not millennia since he died thousands of years before 41 ABY?
 * 45) **Korr said centuries in the novel; but millennia is more accurate, so changed.
 * 46) *Otherwise, fine work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:19, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) **Thanks for the review, Chack! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 01:24, May 30, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * As a note, please try to avoid linking excessive clauses together with gerunds (the -ing forms of verbs); I've found that saying "Druur continued drawing on the power of the ore as he died, finally unleashing it upon the Harbinger, destroying the ship." tends to be rather long-winded.  CC7567  (talk) 05:20, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Noted, thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * The link from Agent in Hunting Rrogon doesn't show what you mean, it takes you to thbe disgambutiationpage. Please fix. Nahdar Vebb 16:59, May 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Removed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 17:20, May 20, 2010 (UTC)