Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Whorm Loathsom


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Whorm Loathsom

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 01:36, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Alongside Mar Tuuk, Lok Durd, and Unidentified Neimoidian captain, he should be the last of the "organic" Separatist officers in TCW.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1) Despite the fact that you stole from Jedipedia. :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) He stole from Jedipedia? The nerve! :P  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 18:36, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) You always forget Nuvo. Poor guy. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 00:34, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *He was a mad doctor, not a war officer. :P  CC7567  (talk) 01:05, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **That doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. But alas, you're right. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:53, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) We dont really "steal" things here in Wookiepedia, we rather "borrow" them.--Kreivi Wolter 05:24, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:23, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:39, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:41, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * "The Kerkoiden male Whorm Loathsom reigned from the planet of Kerkoidia," I don't think "reigned" is appropriate here.
 * 3) **Ugh, addressed.
 * 4) *Other than that, good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:44, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 7) * "Via a massive planet-wide holotransmission, the Kerkoiden general ordered the planet's Christophsian inhabitants of the planet to submit to Confederate rule." - "planet's Christophsian inhabitants of the planet"?
 * 8) **BAH. That was just...stupid. Fixed.
 * 9) *That's all. I would like to note that I'm impressed that you were able to find that piece of Neimoidian concept art. That's a great addition to the BTS. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:53, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **I owe it to Jedipedia. :P  CC7567  (talk) 17:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Which Core
 * 12) * Not technically an objection, I'm just curious: Obi-Wan flatters the good general that he's a legend throughout the Inner Core. In article, however, it is said that he was legend throughout the Core Worlds. Explanation?
 * 13) **There isn't any other "Core" in the galaxy, and "Inner Core" is obviously just another name for it. Also, if this "technically isn't an objection", then it shouldn't be here.  CC7567  (talk) 17:59, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Whooops! Sry, my mistake. It belonged to the Comments-section, not there. -_- Kreivi Wolter 18:20, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Stop right there!
 * 16) * "Loathsom's appearance is likely based off of a concept art image for a Neimoidian that was drawn by Doug Chiang and published in Star Wars: The Making of Episode I: The Phantom Menace and Star Wars: Episode I Insider's Guide."
 * 17) *"Concept art for a Neimoidian that Loathsom was likely based on"
 * 18) *Let's change this wording, make the statements themselves not speculation, but merely drawing the reader's attention to something that they can draw their own conclusions about. Graestan ( Talk ) 14:49, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Addressed; thanks, Graestan.  CC7567  (talk) 01:45, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) Pasta!
 * 21) * The second paragraph of "Capturing Christophsis" reads very choppily. It seems like details are missing to smooth it over while too much more might infringe upon pbp status. See what can be done.
 * 22) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 19:19, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "Republic's heavy cannons forced the Confederate tanks to halt their progress, however, and once Loathsom learned of the enemy's artillery, he ordered an OOM command battle droid to turn the troops around and retreat." Run-on. It is always better to have shorter sentences than to try and condense too much information into one.
 * 24) **I've done a slight tweaking, but I have to say that I cannot see a reason to have a lot of shorter but choppy sentences in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:19, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***Choppiness has very little to do with the number of words in a sentence. It has to do with organizational flow and sentence construct more than anything else. Too much information muddles the train-of-thought and renders paragraphs completely disorganized. Lack of proper connections or context, much more often than lack of information, makes it choppy. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:39, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Over a cup of tarine tea brought by Loathsom's servant droid, the discussion of the Jedi's "surrender" continued, and Loathsom became increasingly impatient with Kenobi." Another run-on. It covers two places on the timeline and the structure should reflect that.
 * 27) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 19:19, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "Kenobi broke free of the battle droids and managed to get an arm around Loathsom's neck." Please find another word other than managed.
 * 29) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 19:19, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "Kenobi's attempts to stall the Kerkoiden provoked Loathsom to overturn the crystal table where they were seated." What does this have to do with P&T? Please explain.
 * 31) **It was displaying how he was quick to lose his temper; I've gone ahead and been a bit more direct in wording it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:19, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *Interesting guy, CC. Very interesting. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:28, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments