Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Conclave on Deneba


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Conclave on Deneba

 * Nominated by: —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 14:00, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As nominator.

(6 Inqs/1 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) I remember helping this when he was only thinking GA... good times, good times. 14:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Good show, Tommy. Thefourdotelipsis 06:54, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 06:19, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:14, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:58, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Objections addressed via IRC. Let's get the show on the road. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:35, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * WP:TOTJ-approved. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:05, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * For the outcome, also put phyrric Jedi victory, since the Krath did kill a lot of Jedi. Darthchristian   ( Hey! ) 17:10, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thank you for loooking, Darthchristian. —Tommy ( There are no Jedi here ) 16:15, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I think there's a bit too much detail in the "Background" section, particularly in the second paragraph "Arrival on Deneba." The other paragraphs are basically fine, it's just that here you're not really presenting the background so much as you are describing the specific actions of specific actions. That's OK for the conclave itself but it's not quite relevant, given what the article is about. "adding a unique and personal take on an already established story." is POV. Thefourdotelipsis 03:56, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed, and addressed. As always, thank you Fourdot for looking. If there are more, I'll be more than happy to address those as well. —Tommy ( There are no Jedi here ) 23:28, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Grass clippings:
 * 2) * The intro should be expanded a bit more, to reflect all the information presented in the article body, including the participants.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) ***Actually, now it seems a bit overdone. Could you step it back on the detail in places like the Vodo/Kun mention, for example? Summarize briefly everything mentioned in the article body. Graestan ( Talk ) 00:58, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Sorry 'bout that. Addressed.
 * 6) * A date for the Freedon Nadd Uprising should be provided. Also, a bit more context as to what was going on in that conflict would be helpful. Maybe a sentence or so.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * First paragraph of the Background has an unsourced statement. Additionally, that sentence is a bit informal. Perhaps something a bit more explanatory, with a source, could be added.
 * 9) **Whoops. Addressed.
 * 10) * Not so sure the Empress Teta system should be referred to as a "region of the galaxy."
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * Referring to "the joint Republic-Jedi effort" without first establishing the Republic's complicity should be remedied.
 * 13) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 14) * Something more of this prophecy should be explained in the first mention.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Were Arca, Ulic, Nomi, Vima, and Thon actually among the first to arrive? It appears that a crowd had already gathered.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * The phrase "freshly injured" should either be explained outright or omitted.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * Calling Thon a "Beast Master" is a bit confusing.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * "Arca of Arkania" is a bit awkward when it isn't the first mention of Arca.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * The allusion to Exar Kun should be changed to specific statements, in keeping with omniscient viewpoint and encyclopedic prose.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * Thon's actions on Ambria need a bit of context.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * Are we sure that this was truly "the first half of the Conclave?" Perhaps that statement should not be made, as there is no IU evidence to support it.
 * 29) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 30) * I think the phrase "in search of dark side things" should be replaced with a bit more explanatory statements.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * The phrase "the second half of the convocation" also gives me a bad feeling. Please omit it along with the other one.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * "The battle of Deneba was over" is a step away from the tense and tone.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * "As the cleanup efforts began, Master Vodo-Siosk Baas retreated to a secluded hill, where he then displayed his personal holocron, and recorded the day's events including the travesty of Arca's death, and the discovery of the Krath being responsible for the war-droid attack." – This is quite the run-on, and should be broken up or repunctuated and rephrased.
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) ***It's still a bit long. See if you can't break it up. Graestan ( Talk ) 00:58, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Addressed.
 * 40) * Sourcing on the summaries of the Principal participants needs to be cleaned up. Source for where you got what information. The first one is in Odan-Urr, where Golden Age of the Sith is sourced after a group of sentence including a statement of Odan-Urr becoming one of the oldest and wisest Jedi.
 * 41) **Addressed.
 * 42) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) **Thank you Graestan for looking. If anything else is required, please alert me. —Tommy [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 22:42, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 45) * "The Sith were eventually defeated, and found by Odan-Urr in the spoils of an abandoned Sith warship was a Sith holocron." Particularly nasty passive voice. Please reword.
 * 46) **Addressed.
 * 47) * Multiple instances of this, but it's either "Battle Meditation" (I think this is the right one) or "battle meditation", but certainly not "Battle meditation".
 * 48) **Addressed.
 * 49) *Other issues pounded out in IRC. Good work, even if it is TOTJ. They were lucky to pick you up, Tommy. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:39, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) **Thank you Ataru for looking. Pleasure doing business with you! —Tommy [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 16:53, 19 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Any particular reason you're not taking this to- oh, wait, you are taking it to FA. Keep up the good work. :P 14:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Isn't it "pyrrhic" instead of "phyrric"? (Just a question, not opposing)--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:56, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Isn't it "pyrrhic" instead of "phyrric"? (Just a question, not opposing)--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:56, 3 June 2008 (UTC)