Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Koro Ziil


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Koro Ziil

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 18:54, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My second GAnom&hellip;feel free to tear apart! :P

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. CC7567  (talk) 01:32, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:08, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:45, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:39, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:41, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:32, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *References aren't needed since it only appears in one source.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * The biography appears to be oversectioned. Merge some together.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * In the intro: Provide context to Saal, the Skywalkers, and Jacen.
 * 7) **Is this better?
 * 8) * In the intro: Give some information about the Hidden Ones.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * Give context for the Baran Do. Explain what they are.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Context on the caverns.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * State Ziil's homeworld in the biography.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Give context on ayna-seff.
 * 17) **Is this better?
 * 18) *Explain what happened to Jacen after he left Ziil's tutelage.
 * 19) **Is this better?
 * 20) * The Arrival of the Skywalkers and the first paragraph of the Unrest in the Hidden Ones sections don't flow very well.
 * 21) **Fixed?
 * 22) * Mention that Skywalker was exiled earlier, and give the reason.
 * 23) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 01:46, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 00:37, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) Attack of the Clone I
 * 26) * "and attempted to make them join the sect..." Could use rephrasing, perhaps using the word "forced".
 * 27) **Nighthawk's wording was a little awkward, is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "...refusing to let them leave in order to protect their secrecy." I was going to add a comma between "them" and "in", but I'm not completely sure what the meaning of the sentence is, as to who wanted to protect whose secrecy. Please clarify and/or reword.
 * 29) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Charsae Saal needs a bit of context.
 * 31) **He's called a Baran Do sage, and its added that he became senior combat instructor right afterwards. Adding anything more before that would be awkward. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***I meant in the "Becoming the Hidden One" section. CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Whoops. Better, or is "Baran Do" a little repetitive? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****Too redundant; I removed it and left "sage". CC7567  (talk) 01:16, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Jacen Solo needs context in the body.
 * 36) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * "Ziil was known to have taught him many": it sounds like the perspective is strictly from a reference book; please reword, since the article is about Ziil himself.
 * 38) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "that Solo seemed to be at peace": at peace specifically with what? Others? Himself? Also, please correct it the second time you mention it as well.
 * 40) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * "Luke decided to gather all of the Hidden Ones together by announcing that he and Ben would be taking on new names; of course, he had no intention of actually doing this." It doesn't seem appropriate to say "of course" here unless you previously explicitly state that the Skywalkers never intended to join the Hidden Ones in the first place.
 * 42) **Feels smoother with "however". Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * "they had rejected these things": please change "things" to something more specific and less colloquial.
 * 44) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "As evidence, he pointed out how Charsae Saal had recently beaten Ithia in a duel, when she had always been Saal's superior before she had joined the Hidden Ones." Ithia needs context, and Luke's evidence doesn't make sense, partially due to the fact that the unspecific word "she" is used too much.
 * 46) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ***It's still confusing. I recommend mentioning first the circumstances, and that was the Order's best fighter. And then say that beat . (I can't name the names, because I can't understand the sentence.) CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ****Is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *****It definitely sounds better. Only one thing: if you say that she was "formerly" the best fighter, you should state "why" or "until happened". CC7567  (talk) 01:16, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ******Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 01:29, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "Annoyed, Ben set off a secret explosive of Ziil's": sentence does not make sense; please check.
 * 52) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ***I added "Annoyed 'with Ziil'", but if "annoyed" can be changed to a more specific/less colloquial word, it would be preferred. CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Is "frustrated" better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Burra needs context.
 * 56) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *Article looks good otherwise. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 23:45, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) *It's coming along; mostly minor things are all that is left, so I'll check it again after you've looked over the article. CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) Soresu
 * 61) * who had spent the last five years traveling the galaxy in search of answers. Answers to what?
 * 62) **I couldn't find anything that specified as to what he was searching for, so I replaced it.
 * 63) * Context on Lumiya.
 * 64) **Added.
 * 65) * Mention his title as Master of the Order in the body.
 * 66) **Addressed.
 * 67) * In the last paragraph of "Duel with Luke", you use the word pillar 8 times. Is there no synonym for the word? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:56, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:37, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) Jedi Kasra
 * 70) * It's very solid article, but it needs a "Notes and references" section, with a under it, obviously, then there needs to be a reference at the end of each paragraph. The infobox needs to be sourced. The intro however, does not need to be sourced. Once these are taken care of, I'll sign off on the article--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:25, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) **There is only one appearance; therefore, there is no need for references per rule 5 of the sourcing policy (Do not reference articles only appearing in one appearance or source). Therefore, this objection is invalid. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:28, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Did not know that, sorry.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:39, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) The Cardinals lost today and I have to take it out on someone:
 * 74) * What Luke was exiled for belongs in the intro.
 * 75) **Added.
 * 76) * How the Skywalkers turned his followers against him should be explained in the intro.
 * 77) **Better?
 * 78) * Where the Hidden Ones lived and why should be added to the intro.
 * 79) **Added.
 * 80) * Baran Do needs context at first mention in the biography.
 * 81) **Addressed.
 * 82) * What the two techniques do should be provided when they are first mentioned.
 * 83) **Addressed.
 * 84) * This is all completely redundant and can be reworded into a short sentence that sums up what he told them: "He told them that he had trained Solo in the hassat-durr and other Force techniques, as well as in combat. Ziil also told them that Solo seemed to have a scarred soul, but the scars appeared healed and he seemed to be at peace with the galaxy."
 * 85) **Wait a sec. I'm confused...what exactly do you want me to do here?
 * 86) ***Saying something like "he told them about his training of Solo" would work fine, since what exactly happened is already established in the article. Graestan ( Talk ) 22:01, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) ****Ok, how about now? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 22:47, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * The fight is a bit too play-by-play. Can it be pared down a bit?
 * 89) **Is this better? p.s. nice header ;) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:24, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:21, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments