Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmishes in the Naboo countryside

Skirmishes in the Naboo Countryside

 * Nominated by: Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 13:42, July 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nominations comments: First attempt at a GA. Lets see what happens.

Moffship

 * Needs to follow the Layout Guide. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:54, July 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is that more like it? Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 19:36, July 15, 2010 (UTC)

Soresu

 * Intro quote has missing punctuation.
 * Never use "unknown" in infoboxes. It's better to just leave fields blank.
 * "Civilian homes" can't really be counted as military strength.
 * Intro contains a broken sentence.
 * Give some indication of time frame in the intro as well as prelude.
 * Double-check that everything possible has been linked.
 * peacekeepers of the Royal Naboo Security Forces makes it sound as if the RNSF contained peacekeepers.
 * the Naboo houses. "The" is a definite article. Since you haven't established anything about houses so far, it's not correct to use the word.
 * Can the second screenshot be uploaded at a higher quality/larger size?
 * I'll probably be back for round two. Anyway, sorry for taking so long for a proper review; noms from our newer users are often ignored due to the increased difficulty of reviewing them. The process speeds up a lot after you've established yourself. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 12:38, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

Xd1358

 * Intro: Trade Federation Gunboat is a link to a redirect.
 * Underlinking in the intro.
 * Still remains.
 * "Naboo's Queen had fled the planet to plead their case in the Galactic Senate." Whose case? The queen's, or Naboo's case?
 * Actually, after a second thought, I don't believe that this sentence is needed in the intro. -- 1358  (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * "...civilians in the a series..."?
 * "...in the countryside. then moved into the swamps" Eh? Should that be two separate sentences?
 * The intro sounds more a like a prelude. Please expand about the event itself.
 * Now it is a bit too long. Cut down on it slightly. -- 1358  (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * The date should be established somewhere in the intro and the bio.
 * The date in the intro as well would be good. -- 1358  (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * "...surviving security forces fled Theed for the countryside." Context on Theed.
 * Context in the body as well. -- 1358  (Talk) 20:10, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Then, they saw several more enemies attacking the Naboo houses." "They then" would be smoother. Also, the Naboo houses? You mean houses in the countryside?
 * "They fought their way down the road." Please merge with another sentence.
 * "They saved several houseboats from destruction, including the leader of a trading village, Rohan Wayside." Is Rohan a houseboat?
 * "After Kael and Sykes shot down the bombers them..." Hmm; why is there a "them"?
 * Bts: Do not talk about "this article". Start it with something like "The skirmish was featured in SW:BfN..."
 * "This skirmish was the second and third missions appearing in..." Something isn't right there.
 * Possibly more to come. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:31, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Eh, sorry xd, caught a few of your objections in my own copy-edit. Make sure you read those changes though, Premier. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:38, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't mind who fixes the article as long as it is fixed. :) -- 1358  (Talk) 06:20, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Intro: You have several "the two" in the intro. Could you replace some of them with their names?
 * "Sykes took care of them." As Soresu already said, avoid short sentences like this. This one could easily be merged into the next sentence, which is short as well.
 * "The leader of the village, Rohan Wayside, contacted them and informed them of the situation." How could he contact them if they were on their way to the swamps?
 * "The two pilots then saved several houseboats from destruction." Short sentence, merge.
 * "Kael responded by telling him of the need of pilots to fly against the Trade Federation." Sounds weird. How could pilots fly against the TF? Please reword.
 * Could you name the smuggler?
 * Reformat reference number 1. It should be Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace novelization.
 * Use Ref tags for references in the infobox.
 * That's it. -- 1358  (Talk) 06:31, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

Makashi

 * Looks like Xd already made objections to alot of the sentence-by-sentence issues, so this won't be as long as I expected.
 * 1 unsourced infobox line
 * Prelude needs to mention that Theed was attacked, otherwise the evac makes little sense. Context on Theed is also important.
 * Short sentences like Sykes took care of them. are to be avoided at all times. Try to merge them with nearby sentences.
 * More droids were inbound, and the two soldiers knew they had to escape, and subsequently fought their way down the road. Stacking two "and"s in the same sentence is difficult to do without making it sound bad. Reword please.
 * Kael told Sykes of a trading village in the nearby swamps who could be of assistance. Who refers to people, a village cannot be referred to be "who". Also, assistance to what?
 * And I think that's mostly it, apart from a few minor things I might have missed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:33, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

 * The body of the text is approximately 260 words. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower
 * Thank you, gentlemen. Your efforts are much appreciated. I went through and copy-edited the article and changed the quotes. Corellian PremierAll along the watchtower 17:37, August 6, 2010 (UTC)