Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Haninum Tyk Rhinann


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Haninum Tyk Rhinann

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sing out if it gets confusing. :S

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. Just finished the book myself; looks like you have all the info in there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:18, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:05, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I love how you use the ANH novel to ref Vader's Dark Lordiness so that you can ref the rest of the article; I did the same thing on Dhol. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:09, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I just finished reading the novel...nice work here guys --Jinzler 12:47, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Though the reffing annoys me.... :P  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:56, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Information would be spread throughout the underground that claimed that the droid possessed information vital to the Whiplash resistance movement, and Vader was able to make sure that the information made its way to Jedi Master Even Piell, who was Pavan's former master. You use information three times in this sentence - is there any alternatives you can use to avoid repetition?
 * 3) **Used "data" for the middle one.
 * 4) * The fight was taking outside the resiblock named the "Coruscant Arms," I think you're missing a word in the sentence. Also, I thought the fight took place inside the building?
 * 5) **It was meant to be "a resiblock." As for the location, the way I'm reading it, Nick engages the stormtroopers as they prepare to enter the building...I could be reading it wrong, though.
 * 6) * A little context on who Captain Tanna is would be appreciated. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:39, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Given what little there is. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 9) * No quotes at all? Presumably you just forgot this bit, as I've done many times before. :-) Even though most of the good lines about him are internal thoughts, you should be able to come up with some decent quotes.
 * 10) **Yes...forgot... They're in there now.
 * 11) * Could we get a mention of his dislike for the Eloms in the P&T or bio, somewhere?
 * 12) **Gotcha.
 * 13) * Could we also get a mention of how afraid he was of Vader in the bio?; it definitely seems relevant.
 * 14) **Added.
 * 15) * Do we have any idea what duties Rhinann carried out as Vader's aide before JT? I can't remember, so if there isn't, my apologies.
 * 16) **There's nothing specific, no.
 * 17) * This isn't an objection per se, but most of the sentences in the intro seem slightly short; do you think you could merge some? If you've reasons not to, please let me know.
 * 18) **To me, they don't seem particularly short, but if there are any specific ones that you think don't read well, I'd be more than happy to oblige.
 * 19) ***Looks fine.
 * 20) * The word "then" is heavily overused in the latter part of the second paragraph of the bio.
 * 21) **I've pared it down a bit, let me know if it needs more.
 * 22) * "Rhinann was fascinated by the Force, and his interest was one of his key reasons for accepting the job of Vader's aide, even though the alternative was slavery." Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but it seems to imply that a life of slavery would be a positive one.
 * 23) **Ah, yes. I know what I mean, but it's not very clear. :P I've tried to clarify that a bit.
 * 24) ***Ah, I understand what you were saying now. It's much clearer now.
 * 25) * First two sentences of the second paragraph of the P&T are very similar in structure, with two "even though"s. Please alter one.
 * 26) **I've changed the first to "although" but the structure is still the same...do you want me to completely overhaul the second sentence?
 * 27) ***Nah, it's fine.
 * 28) * Could the BtS be expanded a bit? You could say that he was something of an antagonist, and that it was through his POV that Vader was dealt with, and that his joining the good guys opens up the possibility for him to appear in later Coruscant Nights installments.
 * 29) **I've given it another sentence, but I feel the rest might be a bit too...speculatory.
 * 30) **Very good article, though I think a decent copyedit would do a lot of it. Interesting character, to boot. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:02, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Just to make it formal: this needs a Street of Shadows update, though he plays less of a role than in JT. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:03, 28 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *Note: I haven't abandoned this, I'm still waiting for the damn thing to come in the mail. It'll be up almost as soon as I get it (hopefully.) Thefourdotelipsis 00:12, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The entire thing is just Coruscant Nights I: Jedi Twilight spoilers. Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If this isn't promoted soon, then Coruscant Nights II: Street of Shadows will be released and you will have to do the whole thing all over again. Although nothing has been confirmed yet, it is likely that he will appear in that or at least be mentioned. I think it comes out on the 26th August --Jinzler 13:39, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, he has a part in this book. Info needs to be added. I'm sure Fourdot will get to it soon.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:23, 30 August 2008 (UTC)