Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * Inquisitorius FAN Triage
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Lando Calrissian

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:35, 22 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: From the two directors that brought you Tales of the Jedi and Wraith Squadron! From the project behind Jaina Solo! From the minds behind Mara Jade Skywalker, an action-packed adventure filled with suspense, betrayal, romance, and, of course, inimitable charm. Now playing: The smoothest FAN ever to grace this page, Lando Calrissian!

(2 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) As co-nominator. Greyman ( Talk ) 20:45, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Objections will be fixed soon as sources are checked by several users, including myself.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:29, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 23:56, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) This article is supported by Mecenarylord on 23:12, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:30, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:34, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

I dare object to Lando
 * 1) No info whatsoever from Lando Calrissian: Idiot's Array and Crisis on Cloud City. Not smooth. Thefourdotelipsis 03:04, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The latter has been addressed; I've asked Borsk about the former. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:26, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Former is also addressed now. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:12, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Ditto Galaxy Guide 2: Yavin and Bespin. - Lord Hydronium 03:10, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *I've went ahead and added a sentence or two of some background information for this objection. I looked over my copy of the source again and couldn't see anything new beyond the sentences I just added. Is there something specific you're thinking of that I could work in? Greyman ( Talk ) 13:51, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ** There's some other bits on pages 50, 76, and 88. - Lord Hydronium 08:27, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Information added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * The mentions of Ymile are rather confusingly arranged. There's a picture of her near where Lando wins the bet with Raynor, but no reference to her in the text, then much later in the article it mentions she helped Lando win. That second part should be noted and clarified at the time it actually occurs; also, she should be linked there, since she isn't at the moment. - Lord Hydronium 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Succession box should include Treece; Action Tidings and the Cloud City Databank entry both say he was the Administrator of Cloud City. - Lord Hydronium 00:41, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Fixed the Ymile bits and buffed Lady Luck overall. Also, adjusted succession box, reffed from the actual Marvel comics though. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:15, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * Information missing on how Lando got back Cloud City, from The New Essential Guide to Characters. Geonosis and the Outer Rim Worlds not in; amongst the things to add is a bit in there about how Lando raised Tibanna profits that's also in the NEC. - Lord Hydronium 07:29, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **The Tibanna profits bit is already in there, just referenced from another source. The Cloud City re-taking has been added. Still working on GATOW. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Two tidbits from GATORW added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:41, 11 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Added it to the "Sources" list as well. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Oh, I see; I was searching for "percent". - Lord Hydronium 19:52, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * More NEGTC tidbits: Lando giving control of Cloud City to the Ugnaughts after Zorba cedes it. Lando refusing to go to Chewbacca's funeral out of guilt. From GG3: Lobot convinced Lando to help Leia and the group. - Lord Hydronium 07:45, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **All of the above fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *More missing sources: Rebellion Era Sourcebook, Roleplaying Game Revised Core Rulebook, Roleplaying Game: Saga Edition Core Rulebook , Dark Empire Sourcebook, The Truce at Bakura Sourcebook, Han Solo and the Corporate Sector Sourcebook (I just spotted a small mention, but there could be more) , Heir to the Empire Sourcebook, The Last Command Sourcebook, and Star Wars Trilogy Sourcebook - Special Edition . For now. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ** Rebellion Era Sourcebook is listed now, but it needs information from it. There's some on Page 111, for a start. - Lord Hydronium 07:01, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***The info on that page was already in the article. Could you tell me what specifically you are referring to? And the rest of the sourcebooks have been checked and added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:18, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *I had a whole thing for here before, a giant list of every piece of information I could find from these sources that was missing. Then my text editor crashed, so here's a much more general list. The Cloud City section from the RESB has information on Lando's neutrality. The RCR talks about him getting his fortunes and smuggling arms to the Rebellion. DESB needs a ton of information from it. Read the whole thing. Lando's section, Wedge's section, an inset in the Coruscant section, and the Star Destroyer section have major information missing from the article—everything up to Lando crashing on Coruscant is missing. The sourcebooks for HTTE and Dark Force Rising have important information in their Lando sections, as well as the Nkllon section of the former and Lady Luck section of the latter. Dark Force Rising overall needs major expansion. It barely touches on their capture by Garm, the entire search for the fleet, and the battle for the Katana. The first paragraph if the SOTE section is extremely vague and needs expanding; nothing is said about how Rendar is guiding them or how he abandons them, or where the Imperial forces come from.

My recommendation would be to withdraw the nom for now. It's missing too much major information from too many major sources. Dark Empire Sourcebook alone is a huge chunk not included, and with all that's been found, I frankly don't trust that this article is near complete. My advice would be to remove it, to read or reread all the sources thoroughly, rework the article, and then renom it when it's in a more complete state. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC) <!--#* The Young Calrissian comic is listed in the Non-canon section of the appearances, but is in the main body without any special tags. It should be consistent one way or the other. If, as it looks like, the story is mentioned in the CSWE, then I suggest it gets moved out of the non-canon section of the appearances. I also suggest that the reference to YC have a note added along the lines of: "This story was canonized by inclusion in the Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia." His ship from this story could also get a mention in the Ships section later on. --Eyrezer 11:00, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) **Major buffs to SOTE and DFR completed. Will go through the other TTT-related sourcebooks soon. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ***Major buffs to HTTE Sourcebook completed, minor buff to Rebellion Era Sourcebook. If you want more information from that source, I'll need a page number, because I just read through the entire thing and found a whopping one sentence of minor information. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:11, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ****RESB's good. - Lord Hydronium 23:20, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *****Buffed RCRGR, working on the DFR, TLC sourcebooks. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:13, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ******TLC sourcebook buffed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 00:45, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * for The Truce at Bakura, but it contains unique information to add. - Lord Hydronium 23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:44, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *In addition to the above, the following appearances and mentions are missing: Out of the Closet: The Assassin's Tale, Darksaber, Force Heretic I: Remnant, Therefore I Am: The Tale of IG-88, Payback: The Tale of Dengar, The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett, X-wing: Rogue Squadron, X-wing: Wedge's Gamble, X-wing: Wraith Squadron, Young Jedi Knights: Heirs of the Force, Young Jedi Knights: The Lost Ones, Young Jedi Knights: Lightsabers, Young Jedi Knights: Darkest Knight, Young Jedi Knights: Shards of Alderaan, Young Jedi Knights: Jedi Bounty, and Young Jedi Knights: The Emperor's Plague. - Lord Hydronium 01:17, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Chack and I have addressed these. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:44, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Force Heretic I has a bit about Lando from Jaina's childhood. Find text-searchable versions of these (ask on IRC if you need a source) and search through them for "Lando" or "Calrissian", please, because if the article's missing information from one, there's a chance it's missing from the others. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****No, no. You see, I did find that information when I went through and used text-searchable versions of these the first time. I just decided that particular tidbit was too anecdotal for inclusion in an encyclopedia article. However, if you're set on seeing "Calrissian also taught Jaina Solo to enjoy altha protein drinks during her childhood" in the article, I will add it, despite how trivial it seems. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:17, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *****By itself that tidbit might be too anecdotal, but I think the fact that Lando had more interaction with Jaina in her youth than just going on a mission with her is worth something. - Lord Hydronium 19:08, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ******After our discussion in IRC, I did a little more YJK research and added a paragraph about their interactions in general. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:58, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *Almost forgot: None of the movie novelizations or radio dramas are included. - Lord Hydronium 01:19, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **This particular objection has been addressed, along with adding a number of other ESB and ROTJ-related appearances. I've checked both novelizations and will check with Tope to make sure there's no new info in the radio dramas. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:19, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Han will have these objections down! We've gotta give them more time! (In all seriousness, we are working on these). Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:40, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Sorry, haven't checked those yet, but another: Galaxywide NewsNets from Adventure Journal 14. "Calrissian Resurfaces as Baron Administrator". - Lord Hydronium 06:36, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Mined. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:45, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, page 13, bottom left. - Lord Hydronium 05:02, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:13, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *Galaxywide NewsNets in Adventure Journal 5 has another article with Lando info, "Smugglers' Roster: Random Rumors". - Lord Hydronium 01:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Also fixed. Fascinating info. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:35, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Gah, redlinks in source list, mine Databank and Wizards. Those first two totally slipped me mind.  Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 03:19, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *Red links busted. Greyman ( Talk ) 16:56, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *Databank has been mined and source list updated. Greyman ( Talk ) 15:32, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) Infobox not fully/correctly sourced.  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:24, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *I think I got the missing reference. If you desire other sourcing, please let me know. ;-) Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:22, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **Got it on the second try. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:26, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) I'd like to take Yrf's comment below and turn it into an actual objection; for instance, I know there are quotes to be had by or about Lando and/or what he was up to at the time for the LCA, TTT, and BFC. Ideally, since the sections are so long, each should probably have a quote.  Graestan ( Talk ) 13:48, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *All sections now have quotes except three tiny sections in the "Non-canon appearances" section in the BtS since quotes do not exist for those parts. Greyman ( Talk ) 16:32, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Hope you found at least one funny one from LCA. ;) Graestan ( Talk ) 23:12, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * File:Lando91.jpg, File:LanLukVil.jpg, File:Weaklando.jpg, File:Lando&Luke Marvel71.jpg and File:Lando&Han captive.jpg could all do with a re-scan. Other than that, excellent work, and about time! :) --Imperialles 13:08, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *All done. I was bored and Ataru mentioned it at the right time. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 00:16, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Image placement is irrelevant to the text in a number of locations. SinisterSamurai 07:32, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *I've moved a few things around. As it stands, there are two images that aren't directly pertinent to the sections they are in: the Caamas Document crisis section, and in the Kessel investment sections, where we used generic Lando images to fill gaps that would have left lots of text with no complimentary images. As it is, there's a good balance of images to compliment the text, but by removing those, the article's appearance would suffer accordingly. And there is article precedent for using generic images to fill "gaps". If there were more relevant images that could be substituted in, just point me in their direction and I'll gladly change it, but for now, it should stay as it is. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:03, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Looks good.
 * 5) Needs info from Star Wars: Power of the Jedi. Thefourdotelipsis 08:54, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:55, 8 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Eyrezer
 * 1) **It doesn't seem to be mentioned in CSWE, according to Chack. I've added in non-canon tags in the main body, will get to the ships section soon. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:50, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ***Correction. Our page seems to list the comic as canon, so I'll check and see if I can find where it was canonized. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:53, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ****Purpilia added CSWE as a source on the Meek page, which is what I was going by. Probably not mentioned in Lando's article itself, though. --Eyrezer 09:24, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *****Yeah, I've fixed just about all the objection, need to add the ships section, though. ships section added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:28, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ******Great. With the Meek story, doesn't the CSWE say it was reported by HNN sources? This should be added, in a way that reflects the potential ambiguity or unreliability of the account that seems to be suggested in the Encyclopedia entry. --Eyrezer 14:03, 10 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *******That's exactly what CSWE reports. I've updated the article to reflect that. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:36, 10 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Osuno Whett is reintroduced too abruptly in the ThonBaka section. It needs to be explained how/why he was there.
 * 8) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Did Bria change her mind? I thought it might have always been her plan to rip off the smugglers.
 * 10) **Rebel Dawn and our Tharen article are ambiguous at best. I've ambiguified it also in the Lando article correspondingly. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:12, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "Shortly thereafter, Calrissian found himself on another treasure hunt sponsored by a trio of Hutts eagerly hunting the fabled Yavin Vassilika, a priceless, gemlike statuette, having been saved by Bib Fortuna after losing a game of sabacc." This makes it sound as though the Vassilika was saved by Fortuna.
 * 12) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * Are you certain about the placement of the Ruins of Dantooine stuff? It would make so much more sense if it didn't interrupt his trip to Bespin...
 * 14) **Well, the Galaxy of Fear stuff happened in 7 months ABY, and Lando doesn't win Cloud City until after 2 ABY, according to AJ 14, which is set circa 2 ABY according to my sources. That's why the Ruins of Dantooine stuff is there&mdash;it's before he wins Cloud City and after the Galaxy of Fear stuff, as Ruins of Dantooine is set 1.5 ABY. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:12, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***A shame, but that seems right. --Eyrezer 23:48, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * An appropriate mention of Tocneppil and Dash somewhere in the early sections should be added, based on that quote at the start of "Revenge attempts." Also a mention of Moabab would be good.
 * 17) **I'm not a big fan of saying "Calrissian met X" ten paragraphs before they actually have significant encounters with him, but I recognize that that opinion is not universally held. I've mentioned Tocneppil, Dash, and Mungo Baobab farther up, in a general sort of way since the timeline is unknown. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 00:09, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Yeah, I can understand that. I mainly requested it because Tocneppil was not otherwise mentioned in the bio.
 * 19) * Can you explain why EV-9D9 was a suspect at that early point? Do we know that the Idiot's Array story is not after EV's attempt?
 * 20) **I have no explanation, so I've moved EV-9D9's story to before Idiot's Array. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Great. I hoped that might be possible, but I wasn't sure. --Eyrezer 22:51, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Furthermore, he stated that he intended to keep things running smoothly at Calrissian, using a modus operandi he described as the Lando System." Is this meant to be running smoothly at Bespin?
 * 23) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * The Fact Files sources list needs to be expanded, and the reference notes likewise made more specific. (per this CT).
 * 25) **Cav has promised me FF goodness, will update as soon as I have my hands on them. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Fact Files are now in the source list, and the references have been updated accordingly. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:12, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * I suspect that "the death of scientist Lem on Cloud City" is the same as "when a noted scientist, Doctor Issan Len was murdered." These should be combined.
 * 28) **I was hoping someone would say that. It only appears as Lem in the Fact File, but I left in just because one could look at it through a hyperinclusionist point of view and say that they're different incidents. Removed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 00:09, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***I added a redirect.
 * 30) * The image of Boba Fett in the Precursor section is out of place. Is there no appropriate image from Crisis on Cloud City?
 * 31) **Working on it, but the images from Crisis are junk in quality. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Okay, I was able to get my hands on scans on every image from Crisis, and there's only one tolerable image of Calrissian, and it's a small, crudely-drawn black & white. If you want that, I can scan it in, but otherwise, there's only some general pictures of Cloud City and other characters. That being the case, I swapped out the Bob Fett one for another one from ESB that's a little less time-sensitive. However, if you want that one from Crisis or another, we can discuss, and I'm open to suggestions. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:10, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Yeah, I really don't like having the ESB image there, but I agree that the pics from inside Crisis are bad. However, I have an idea! What about a crop of the colour image of a firefight on the back of Crisis? As this must be depicting the events of the book, it seems a suitable image. --Eyrezer 12:28, 12 May 2009 (UTC) EDIT: Here it is here. A cleaner version would be nicer. What do you think? --Eyrezer 10:15, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****Uploaded and added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:57, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Just as they rocketed off the station," in the Destruction fo the Tarkin section. Were they in space suits or another ship? Could you clarify?
 * 36) **Clarified, with thanks to QuiGonJinn for the info. ;-) Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:07, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * A few of the WEG sources actually link to a disambig for first and second editions. Could you link to the actual ones, and add in the second editions, etc... unless we have policy otherwise.
 * 38) **I checked them, added in second editions for the two Galaxy Guides. I checked the others, but didn't see anything else at a first glance. Did you have other corrections in mind? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:02, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * I'm fairly certain Lando will be in a number of video game guidebooks. (On a quick look at the source list, I couldn't see any.) These likely include the guides from Demolition, Jedi Outcast, and others...
 * 40) **I've taken care of this one myself.
 * 41) ***I've also tweaked the article with some small tidbits of information. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:56, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Great. --Eyrezer 23:03, 30 March 2009 (UTC)-->
 * 43) *Lando is in Star Wars: Rebellion (video game), and so also likely Rebellion: Prima's Official Strategy Guide. The game needs to be checked. --Eyrezer 08:27, 22 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **I've talked to Borsk and gotten info from the game. I'll need to work on the guide-it's rather hard to get a hold of. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:57, 17 May 2009 (UTC)


 * 1) *Finding Argo and Vanis: context on who Mone is. How was Calrissian and co able to buy it from the Imps without them realizing they were rebels? Wasn't it because Lando disguised himself as Drebble?
 * 2) *In the same section, "There, Calrissian learned that Solo had been delivered to Jabba Desilijic Tiure while undercover on Arcan IV, posing as Drebble." It is not clear who was undercover. Also, the mention of Arcan IV in this sentence is probably unnecessary. You also need to mention how/why Lando already had The Minstrel in his possession.
 * 3) *Which member of the gang tried to steal the statue? A number of the members have articles here, and so a link should be added to the appropriate one, or a redlink given.
 * 4) *"They then helped Organa board the Falcon and returned to rendezvous with Alliance forces." A bit more info here, please. (Mission to Yinchorr section)
 * 5) *You mention Calrissian is fluent in 18 languages. As far as possible, I think these should actually be specified in the Talents and abilities section. From earlier in the bio, we know that one is a Baragwinian trade dialect. Add this there too.
 * 6) *There needs to be a better conclusion to the Demolition paragraph: "But even that was not enough to impress Jabba and to be placed in the Hutt's palace as a guard". What happened in the competition? Did he win? Presumably we don't know exactly, but we must know something. A mention of other opponents could also be appropriate.
 * 7) **Tweaked, a bit. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Remind me of this one next time we're both in IRC. I have a few questions.


 * 1) *There needs to be context between para 1 and 2 of the "The Battle of Endor" section, mentioning both the presence of the Star Destroyers, and the functional Death Star laser. I actually feel this and the Hutt guardsman section could do with a polish in terms of language and cohesiveness.
 * 2) **Took a stab at polishing both. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:10, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ***Page 139 of The New Essential Guide to Weapons and Technology has a quote that might give you another sentence or two to add to the Battle of Endor section, re Lando's interaction with Nein Nunb. --Eyrezer 11:40, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***"The Alliance knew that this fight would determine the fate of the war, as they would be engaging the Empire in a battle they had to win." This needs to be rewritten to be clearer as to what you mean. --Eyrezer 02:27, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***You also have "upon reversion from hyperspace in two consecutive paragraphs (#2 and #3). The bit about knowing the Emperor would be there, as wellas believing that the laser was inoperational should be before the jamming part, which should also probably be joined with the trap part that comes later. --Eyrezer 02:29, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ****Fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:57, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *****I'll check this when I get home, but the discovery of the operational Death Star preceeded Lando's suggestion to close with the SDs, right? --Eyrezer 05:11, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *In "Winning a Bet", Drebble is introduced with no context explaining why he had it in for Lando (or even linked). This should be explained to set up the Mission to the Hunter's World section later on. This also ties in to my objection above about the Finding Argo section... Likewise, this section is poorly connected back to the previous incident with Lemo and Sanda. It is as if both sections were written by different people unaware of what the other had written&mdash;which may actually have been the case. --Eyrezer 11:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *The last paragraph of "Work for the Alliance" is unclear and needs to be rewritten. Ie, all the stuff about Solo's passengers having codes but why they couldn't give it to Solo, who said passengers were, etc. --Eyrezer 05:03, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *Lando gets a page in Handbook 3: Dark Empire. I haven't read up to that section, but I suggest it should be looked over. There is also a pic of him and Wedge that could be useful.
 * 11) *While it is in the source list, Escape from Cloud City doesn't seem to be reffed. There is some info in there that would be good for the Bts. --Eyrezer 12:12, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Second battle of Endor section: "Concerned by the fact that he no longer was part of the Alliance's decision making process, he now hoped to be employed as a piloting teacher." This needs some explanation.
 * 13) *I removed a pic from the Second Battle fo Endor section that was misplaced. A new pic that is more appropriate to the text needs to be added.
 * 14) *Nagai-Tof war has two sentences in a row beginning with However. Actually this section feels too rushed. It could be expanded to provide more context and so be easier to follow. --Eyrezer 03:00, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *This is for an earlier section - you have consecutive refs for the Galaxywide NewsNets in SWAJ5 in the same paragraph. Is there meant to a different ref in between these? If not, they should be merged. --Eyrezer 03:09, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *The formation of Lando's Commandos occurs at two separate places. Can the Tales story be set before the NEC incident? Also can the Tales story be expanded? It would also be appropriate to mention how the Trioculus affair concluded and hence the dissolution of SPIN. --Eyrezer 10:53, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) Toprawa:
 * 18) *I realize I promised you the ESB RD script notes, but until that time, here's the objection for their missing info.
 * 19) *Also, you're missing info from the ROTJ radio drama/script.
 * 20) **Can you be a little more specific about which parts? I gave it a listen when Hydro made his initial ESB objection, and while I don't have the script, I did add info from the radio drama. Was there something in particular you were looking for? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 22:32, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Sure. I'm in the process of listening to it now for my article purposes, so I might add to this, but two things that strike me as pertinent are the scene in which he first approaches Leia in Jabba's palace to reveal himself, meaning that not everyone in the Save Han group knew how he had gotten in and where he was; and secondly the scene in which they first leave Tatooine, they're forced escape past an Imperial blockade. Lando just sits in the Falcon ' s cockpit and doesn't do anything but talk, but a mention would be appropriate, I feel. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***While en route to the Rebel fleet from Tatooine, Lando and the group help sooth Threepio's hurt feelings about not being privy to the specifics of the rescue Han plan. They talk about Corellian Overdrive, and Lando goes on to fix Threepio's damaged photoreceptor. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:46, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***There's actually a lot more to that scene. Han and Lando talk about how the Falcon was in Lando's possession during Han's carbonite days, etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ****ROTJ radio drama has been located, listened to, and the article updated appropriately. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Including "TCG: Return of the Jedi" and "The Empire Strikes Back (TCG)" in the Source list just isn't good enough, I'm afraid. Moreover, I see only a single CCG card in that entire Source list, which tells me you haven't really scoured these cards for new information. You'd be surprised to find some new tidbits here and there. I realize there are probably dozens upon dozens of cards with Lando info on them, but if you're going to include one, you need to include them all. Yes, I know it sucks, and it's hard work, but this is an FA. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:20, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **"if you're going to include one, you need to include them all." Does this mean I just get away with removing that one? :-P ^_^ (lol, jk). No, in all seriousness, you're absolutely right. I've done all the CCG cards, and I'll let you know when I get the radio stuff and TCG ones added in. I'm going to be kind of busy until the end of the week due to RL though. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:40, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***5 and a half dozen TCG and CCG cards added to source list? Is that better? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:01, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) QuiGon
 * 29) * No info from The Gambler's Quest.
 * 30) **I've added a short paragraph myself based on what was written in the plot summary for this comic. I think it's sufficient. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 15:57, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Some things are missing in the appearances list. Mighty Chronicles adaptations, Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back Mobile, Super Star Wars series, etc. QuiGonJinn Be mindful of the Living Force...Quigonheadshot.jpg 17:54, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Took care of it myself per Ataru's request. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:43, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * More missing info from N.R.I. Reports. Small tidbits about Lando requesting aid from the Senate. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:30, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:58, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Are you sure that the "Black Sun coup" section should go between the Marvel stories? It would make much more sense to place it after the Nagai-Tof war. All Marvel stories are linked to each other pretty tight and there is no gap in the plot for SotE: Evolution to take place. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:53, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) **After some research, I've seen no reason to leave the layout as is, and the Black Sun coup is now placed after the Marvel sections. Seems to make more sense that way. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:56, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * "The Mindharp of Sharu" section. Context on Jabba.
 * 38) * Also, context needed on Darth Vader and Luke upon first mentions in the "Trap at Cloud City"" section.
 * 39) * Explain what was so important in Luke that Vader set a trap for him.
 * 40) * Same section."Especially after the disappearance of C-3PO" Provide some context on what really happened to him. Then mention somewhere in this section that 3PO was recovered, because as it is now, it left me under the impression that the droid was still missing when Lando and the others left Bespin.
 * 41) * Same section again. "in pursuit of the Millennium Falcon and its Rebel crew". Mention that it was Han who has joined the Rebels, because it can be interpreted as if some unknown Rebels have acquired the ship.
 * 42) * Mention that Lando flirted with Leia and/or add it to the relationships.
 * 43) **All of QuiGon's objections up through this have been fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * The "Skywalker's affliction" section. Context on Domina Tagge.
 * 45) * Same section. "which Darth Vader had falsely accused Luke of being responsible for". Rephrase. Yes, Vader did falsely accuse Luke the first time, but then Skywalker killed Tagge for real in issue 37, even if he did it by accident.
 * 46) * "Finding Argo and Vanis" section. Last sentence: "but were apparently unable to find anything." Unsourced.
 * 47) * Same section. Context on the second Death Star.
 * 48) * Linking problems. Jabba is linked in both "The Mindharp of Sharu" and "Mission to Blimph 3" sections, while the second Death Star is not linked at all upon the first mention in "Finding Argo and Vanis", but is instead linked in "The Battle of Endor"; and the link is that of the Death Star in general instead of Death Star II. Check other links.
 * 49) * "Near-death experience on Godo". Context on Bey.
 * 50) * Mention that Lumiya changed sides and allied herself with Tofs. And that she was shot on Saijo.
 * 51) **All of these should be fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * Stay tuned. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 21:01, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "Nomad City". Context on Ecclessis Figg, ysalamiri. Also, why Thrawn needed the ysalamiri?
 * 54) * "Karrde hid the two former generals" Next sentence:"As such, the two former generals". Repetitive, rephrase.
 * 55) * "Karrde knew that was where Skywalker, who had escaped from his custody, and his pursuer, a woman named Mara Jade, would flee to, and that the Empire would find them and realize that Karrde had not turned over Skywalker to them." Maybe it's just me, but this sentence seems weird.
 * 56) **I've finally understood what this sentence says and I think I had some difficulty with it because of the missing "that". I've added it myself.
 * 57) * "After trekking through kilometers of forest, fending off predators, the party received when some Noghri commandos". Received what?
 * 58) **Everything from "Nomad City" down to here has been fixed. Although, Figg was already contextified. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) ***I'm sorry, but I haven't seen any context. You didn't say who Figg was. I've added it myself, just to show you what I wanted in the first place. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:45, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ****I figured that saying that Figg was the one who first built Cloud City was sufficient context, but I have no problems with your change. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:56, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * "Palpatine reborn": "Unbeknownst to Calrissian, Skywalker had fallen to the dark side of the Force, and was in fact commanding the Imperial fleet". Mention that prior to that, he gave the codes to Artoo.
 * 62) * Same section. Mention that Skywalker was redeemed after all.
 * 63) **I think Chack fixed these a couple days ago when he reworked that section. :-) Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:37, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "Run-in with the Imperial Remnant" Context on Reelo Baruk.
 * 65) * After the events of Jedi Outcast that happened in 12 ABY you mention the events of Planet of Twilight as happening the same year, yet the latter is placed here on Wook in 13 ABY. I don't know if it is really a mistake, because I haven't read the book.
 * 66) * "Tag and Bink". Context on Tag.
 * 67) **Last three fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:52, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) *I guess that's all. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:57, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) * One more thing. Is there nothing to add from Ord Vaxal: Prison Planet of the Empire? QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 14:19, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) **According to Jaymach via IRC, he's only pictured in it. I've tagged the source appropriately. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not a formal objection, but there's space for a lot more quotes in the article. Yrfeloran 04:13, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Who portrayed Lando in Dark Forces: Soldier for the Empire audio drama? Mauser 13:48, 1 February 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm voting for it!!!!!!!!
 * Will give a full Outcast update as soon as I can. I'll busy through the weekend and Monday, though, but next week, I hope to get that and some more of the sourcebooks done. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:06, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Brianna

 * Nominated by: 01:42, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As recommended, trying for FA after GA success.

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 06:52, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 22:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 05:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:32, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  OLIOSTER  Sith_Emblem.svg 00:53, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Preliminaries for that promised review:
 * 2) * A fair lot of the sections need to be further divided up. "Playing as a male Exile" in particular is one of the most exhaustively long sections I've ever seen.
 * 3) **Hopefully accomplished.
 * 4) ***"Early life" and "Travels with the Exile" should probably have subsections. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "Travels with the Exile" deserves a quote, preferably something about the Exile from Brianna's own dialog.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * The "Masters" field of the infobox could be filled out a little more expansively and creatively.
 * 9) **Done
 * 10) ***Remember to list chronologically. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * File:Lasthandmaiden.jpg is a pretty terrible image and could use a recapture.
 * 12) * Another image could probably be snagged to be fit into the BtS section; while something appropriate to the subject matter is preferable, general Brianna pictures shouldn't be any trouble, either.
 * 13) * Linking really needs to be gone over. Have pipelinking in mind (the missions, for example). Also, in particular I noticed some glaring omissions in the links for the BtS.
 * 14) **I believe this has been handled.
 * 15) * Graestan ( Talk ) 05:14, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 17) * Please check the Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia for information.
 * 18) **According to Doluk, who has the CSWE, this is the entirety of Brianna's article, and the info has already been incorporated in the article: "An Echani Handmaiden who served the Jedi Knight Atris almost 4,000 years before the Battle of Yavin. She was the daughter of politician Yusanis and Jedi Master Arren Kae, veterans of the Mandalorian Wars. Brianna was born with evidence of her parents' infidelity and bore the stigma of this indiscretion. Brianna stole the freighter Ebon Hawk from Telos IV."
 * 19) ***At least put it in the source list. Why not source something to it, also, for good measure? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:03, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Done.
 * 21) * Please arrange the source list by publication date.
 * 22) **Check.
 * 23) * Reference tags number three and six appear to be identical. Please merge them.
 * 24) **Check.
 * 25) * "Brianna was the daughter of a forbidden love affair" – Agreement issues. Please rephrase. Also, "affair" is used a bit repetitively.
 * 26) **Check.
 * 27) * Please explain Kae's exile. How? From what?
 * 28) **Check.
 * 29) * The tense gets all wonky after this. Lose all the "woulds" and get back to normal, narrative past tense.
 * 30) **Check.
 * 31) * Mandalorian Wars needs context.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "the responsibilities of his other five daughters and Brianna" – Somewhat vague. Please be more explicit.
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * "The two" sounds odd after you speak of three people in the previous sentence.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * The Echani probably need some context. When you speak of Revan destabilizing them, it sounds odd, as they are presented simply, as if only a species, before this.
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) * Revan needs to be set up as the DLotS before referring to him offhand as such.
 * 40) **Done.
 * 41) * "brought under service to" – Please clean up the syntax.
 * 42) **Done.
 * 43) ***I fixed the new "were entered the service of." Graestan ( Talk ) 03:03, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * "Masters of the Jedi Civil War" – This is somewhat confusing. Please be more specific.
 * 45) **Done.
 * 46) * Mentioning Brianna's ignorance of her own Force sensitivity during her time with Atris would be helpful.
 * 47) **Done.
 * 48) * Okay, was Yusanis married when he had the fling with Kae? You don't mention it, but go on to talk about his infidelity later.
 * 49) **Check.
 * 50) * I'm going to stop right here. I haven't even looked at the intro. Please take everything I've said here, and go back through the article vigorously, applying all the sorts of things I've pointed out. I'll resume the review once the previous objections have been rectified. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:18, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Graestan's Unlimited Mercilessness: I wasn't kidding about the statement in the last round. I tried to keep going through, and came up with like five context and other content-related objections in a couple of sentences. Please, please go through the rest of the article; the types of things I'm going to object to are the ones I already have.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:15, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Cylka:
 * 53) * More context is needed regarding her parents Yusanis and Arren Kae. Avoid mentioning Kreia this early because it will be somewhat difficult to give her context at this point.
 * 54) * More context is needed on Atris when she is introduced. Who was she, why was she there, and so on.
 * 55) * Same for the Telosian Jedi Academy when it is first introduced. You need to add in why it was built, what was stored there, etc.
 * 56) * More context on the destruction of Peragus and how the Exile and the Ebon Hawk were involved. Also explain why the ship was impounded and the companions detained by TSF.
 * 57) * More context on who the Exile when she is first introduced.
 * 58) * A bit of context as to how they tracked the Hawk to the hidden Academy and make sure to mention all of the companions.
 * 59) * The Exile agreed to Kreia's request so as to avoid a conflict - this needs more context. It is a bit arbitrary as it stands now. Cylka  -talk- 23:26, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) **Have dealt with the objections up to here so far.
 * 61) * Brianna and the Exile have a long conversation with each other in the Academy. This should be explained in greater detail.
 * 62) **Addressed.
 * 63) * More context is needed on the mission to find the Jedi Masters. Why were they on that mission in the first place and why was it important.
 * 64) **Also addressed.
 * 65) * A bit more information is needed on Atris's fall to the dark side.
 * 66) **Done.
 * 67) * Some more context is needed to the final battle at Malachor V. Cylka  -talk- 10:20, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) **Also done.
 * 69) * The paragraphs in the P&A are a bit short. Either try flesh them out a bit, or maybe combine them.
 * 70) **Done.
 * 71) * In the first part of the Bts, the paragraphs are too short. Combining them would probably be a good idea.
 * 72) **Done.
 * 73) * The playing as a male exile section is too long and much of the information is redundant. Instead of repeating the same information that is in the body, maybe just a paragraph or two explaining the differences will suffice. A lot of the information in this section can be integrated into the main body since we know that Brianna traveling with the Exile is canon. It seems to me that only the romance needs to stay in the Bts.
 * 74) **Addressed.
 * 75) * The romance with a male Exile needs to be expanded a bit more. You should include her jealous interactions with Visas Marr.
 * 76) **Done.
 * 77) * Brianna also had a Handmaiden's staff. You should try to fit that in somewhere.
 * 78) **Done.
 * 79) *The article is well on it's way. It just has a bit too little information in some areas, and a bit too much redundancy in others. But it's looking good! Cylka  -talk- 20:08, 6 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Four Dot:
 * 81) * "Brianna eventually received Jedi training from the Exile and become known as one of the Lost Jedi, resulting in a forced fight between Brianna, her sisters and former master." - Forced fight? This is confusing. Perhaps this should be elaborated upon in the intro, which would beef it up and allow it to be split into two paragraphs.
 * 82) **I elaborated a bit to make the info a bit more clear, but I don't think it's quite enough for two paragraphs.
 * 83) ***I split it myself, but if you don't like how it looks, feel free to switch it back. And that reads much better now. Thefourdotelipsis 06:57, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) ***It looks fine to me, I just wasn't sure if that was what you were looking for.
 * 85) * "The offspring of Echani parents were perceived as being identical in appearance to anyone who was not of the Echani, presumably favoring the physical characteristics of their parent of the same sex. Because of this Brianna looked different from the other handmaidens, taking the genetic characteristics of her Jedi mother." - This seems like a bit of a given to me, and can perhaps be stated more economically.
 * 86) **Ok, hopefully this is a bit better.
 * 87) ***I understand the significance better now. Good. Thefourdotelipsis 02:56, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * There are times where it feels as though you are straying away from Brianna's story to tell the story of The Sith Lords. This is obviously necessary, but it generally feels like you are telling the Exile's story at these points, and Brianna's story is momentarily abandoned. You should probably take a look at these segments and try and tweak them more towards Brianna's perspective. Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) **I tweaked it a little bit, but since I'm not sure which segments you meant specifically, feel free to point them out if I missed them.
 * 90) ***I think you've fixed the major one. Looking back, the other bits that gave me pause are probably going to have to stay that way. Thefourdotelipsis 22:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) From the Pasta Bowl of Fiolli&hellip;
 * 92) *"Atris hoped to revive the Jedi Order after most of the other Jedi had been killed by the Sith on Katarr&hellip;" The conclave needs context. It was not part of the Jedi Civil War and that is what ends the sentence and paragraph prior.
 * 93) **I a bit of detail on this.
 * 94) *"Brianna confessed that she was the only one of her sisters who did not doubt the Exile's battle prowess and that she was often distracted by the Jedi teachings Atris had rescued and stored at the academy." This sentence does not make sense. Please clarify.
 * 95) **Clarified.
 * 96) *"&hellip;and was seemingly satisfied by the answers both the Exile and Kreia provided." The word 'seemingly' is speculative and OR unless that word or a direct synonym is stated in canon. Drawing this conclusion from some of the cutscenes in the game are tenuous at best.
 * 97) **Removed.
 * 98) *"After the duel, Brianna pledged undying allegiance to the Exile, renouncing her title of Last of the Handmaidens, and embracing her true name." This is a great sentence and plot point, but it has no context earlier in the article. Something about Brianna's identity crisis should be mentioned earler.
 * 99) **Added an earlier mention.
 * 100) *"Traya had also manipulated the Sith into attacking Citadel Station." What does this sentence have to do with Brianna? It makes no sense in a paragraph about Malachor.
 * 101) **This sentence was just out of place I think.
 * 102) *"Brianna aided the Exile and the Telos Security Force in fending off the Sith assault on Citadel Station before joining the Exile in pursuit of Traya to Malachor V." This sentence shifts the focus too far away from Malachor. Please shuffle this paragraph to keep a more better flow.
 * 103) **Hopefully this is a bit better.
 * 104) *Is there no unique information from the Campaign Guide?
 * 105) **I don't think there is any particularly noteworthy info from the Guide, but if anyone who actually has it can prove me wrong, I'd be glad to make the additions.
 * 106) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:22, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just a suggestion: Surely more images can be found for illustration purposes. Screenshots from the game will suffice. Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

Remove nomination (Inquisitorius vote only)
 * 1)  I'm calling this one derailed.  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:42, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm back after an admittedly lengthy absence and started working on the article again yesterday. Just letting you know! 22:11, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Keep nomination
 * 1) At least for the time being. I think it can be salvaged. Fair warning to the nominator, though: I'll be easily swayed if nothing is done. Thefourdotelipsis 06:34, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

Mirta Gev

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 03:00, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) You'll need full bacta submersion after this duel. —Tommy  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 22:18, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 03:33, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:07, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:07, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I think you should expand the "Second Battle of Fondor" section. At the moment, it has no mention of her fight with Tahiri Veila during it, or that Jacen Solo Force choked her, so that Tahiri could escape --Jinzler 21:35, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 02:30, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) DC
 * 4) * I think you should state the actual year of Sinta's carbonation instead of how long ago it was.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Why didn't Marec and Vel's relationship last?
 * 7) **It doesn't say.
 * 8) ***True indeed. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 22:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * The entire Early Life section is very choppy and doesn't flow well at all.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) ***It looks good now. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 22:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Gev got into her mother and grandfather's business as a bounty hunter, at one point encountering former clone trooper Skirata during an ill-fated mission." You're beginning to go somewhere in this sentence, but it needs more detail, mostly about her encounter with Skirata. Expand upon this sentence.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * The beginning of Finding Fett is very choppy as well.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) ***Looks good. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 22:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * You don't mention a thing about Gev wanting revenge while she traveled with fett, nor her attack on him. This is in Bloodlines by the way.
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) *** Could still use some work. It is understood that she probably wanted revenge because her mother wanted revenge, but you need to explicitly state that. You also mention her attacking Fett, but you do not say why; you just say she did it. Expand on that as well. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 16:52, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ****Addressed.
 * 21) * Why was stopping Fett's aging important?
 * 22) **Addressed.
 * 23) * "But first, the pair traveled to Geonosis, to return the body of Fett's father, Jango Fett, to Mandalore to be buried."
 * 24) * Can't start a sentence with But.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * Context for the Yuuzhan Vong War, and how it affected Mandalore.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * "The hostility from the bartender led to an all out brawl, with the Mandalorians winning easily." Easily is POV, unless Fett or Gev said it was easy.
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * "After the fight, the bartender told Gev and Fett that Cherit's successor, Fraig, took over Cherit's position, and that Fraig could be found at the Tekshar Falls Casino." Redundant, delete and rewrite.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * Expand upon their confrontation with Skirata.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * Mention that Venku was Kad'ika.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * Did Mirta really call Orade her boyfriend?
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * Expand upon what Mirta did during Sinta's treatment, and how Solo came to them during this time.
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) ***I t could stand a tad more. Didn't Mirta give Sintas the Heart of Fire around that time? —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 04:00, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Addressed.
 * 42) ***** "In a meeting with Venku Skirata and his friend Gotab in a Keldabe tapcafe, Gotab revealed the location of Sintas Vel by using Kiffar abilities to read Vel's heart-of-fire stone." First of all, this is the Heart's first mention; you need to explain here what it is, and its significance. Secondly, you show it here as "heart-of-fire". Later, you show it as "Heart of Fire"&hellip;which is it? —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 20:44, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ******Addressed.
 * 44) * Per Jinzler on the expansion needed for the Second Battle of Fondor.
 * 45) **Addressed.
 * 46) * "This time it was a battle to protect the Verpine, an insectoid race who built the Tra'kads from the Imperial Remnant." I'm pretty sure that the Verpine allied with the Mandalorians for other reasons. Expand upon that.
 * 47) **Addressed.
 * 48) *** Not really. The Mandalorians didn't control the Verpine, they were business partners. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 04:00, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Addressed.
 * 50) * Also, mention that the Mandolorians and the Jedi could not afford to lose the Verpine to Caedus and the Imperial Remnant, and the reason why they had to defend them.
 * 51) **Addressed.
 * 52) *** Not yet. This will be probably be addressed when you fix the one above. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 16:52, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ****Yup, addressed.
 * 54) * Expand upon what exactly happened at Roche; like what Mirta and Solo did, and how the battle went.
 * 55) **Addressed.
 * 56) * Mention Fett's reaction to Mirta's capture, and what this meant.
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) * Expand upon what happened when Mirta was resuced from the Anakin Solo by Solo, and how the war ended.
 * 59) **Addressed.
 * 60) * "but her subsequent whereabouts are unknown, due to the nanovirus preventing her return to Mandalore." Delete, we don't use unknown results.
 * 61) **Addressed.
 * 62) * "But once Gev finally met Fett, she was initially hostile, but eventually became friends with her grandfather." Not only do you use but twice in a setnence, but you start if off with it. Rewrite.
 * 63) **Addressed.
 * 64) * Why did Gev become firends with Fett?
 * 65) **Addressed.
 * 66) * You mention nothing about her friendship with Solo, nor her hatred of Jedi in the P&T.
 * 67) **Addressed.
 * 68) * You also mention nothing about her lust for revenge against Solo for killing her mother in the P&T, or the Bio.
 * 69) **Addressed.
 * 70) *** Only in the P&T do I see the change. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 20:44, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ****Addressed.
 * 72) * P&T needs an expansion in general.
 * 73) **Addressed.
 * 74) * You don't use any info from the CSWE, besides when you mention the picture in the BtS.
 * 75) **Couldn't find much that wasn't in the article, but nevertheless found something. Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 04:09, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * You might be missing some things in the Sources section, make sure that Mirta isn't/is mentioned in any sourcebooks or Star Wars Insider issues.
 * 77) **Couldn't find any, but still looking. Hoo. Thanks for the (mind-blowingly harsh) review. :)  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 04:09, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ***Yeah, couldn't find any other sources.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 23:57, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) *This is missing a lot of info, and has a lot of short, confusing, choppy sentences. Make sure you contextify everything, watch your linking, and try to avoid colloquial language. DC 02:24, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Tommy:
 * 81) * "After the skirmish, Boba Fett, who thought that his granddaughter had been killed, became enraged at Jaina Solo and Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, blaming them for Gev's death, meaning that the aloof Fett truly did care for his granddaughter." This needs to be broken up and slightly reworded.
 * 82) **Addressed.
 * 83) * "Gev attacked Solo viciously both times they encountered each other in the battles of Roche and Fondor," How did she go from being Solo's friend to attacking her viciously?
 * 84) **Addressed.
 * 85) * Wasn't Mirta a special type of Mandalorian warrior?
 * 86) **No, I don't believe so.
 * 87) * You need to state sooner in the intro Mirta's homeworld.
 * 88) **Addressed.
 * 89) * Now do the same for the bio. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 20:44, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) **Addressed.
 * 91) *More coming. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 05:16, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * You don't mention the Heart of Fire anywhere, actually.
 * 93) **Addressed.
 * 94) *** See the reference to the Heart of Fire in the midst of DC's objections, and this one will be resolved through that. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 20:44, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) ****Addressed.
 * 96) * The second and third sentences in the "Search for Skirata" section start with "The two".
 * 97) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 00:02, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * "When Gev tried to attack Caedus, she was slammed on her head by the Sith Lord, dealing her a severe injury." Expand on the extent of the injury, as it was expanded on in Invincible.
 * 99) **Addressed.
 * 100) * Also, you've been through the ringer enough to know by now how to spot over/underlinking. I've cleaned up some of it, but you really need to go through and make sure that the rest is done. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 20:44, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) **Addressed.
 * 102) * Also, where I you, I'd stick an image of Ghes somewhere, maybe in the P&T. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 20:44, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) **Addressed.
 * 104) Four Dot:
 * 105) * There should probably be some elaboration as to what Fett does on Vohai.
 * 106) * This is more a personal preference, but I think it would work better if you didn't keep refering to Orade as Gev's future husband, and let things pan out naturally.
 * 107) * There's a bit of repetition here and there, particularly in the last two sections of the bio. It feels a bit piecemeal, so I'd suggest a bit of a look through to make sure you're not saying the same things twice.
 * 108) * "Specifically, Caedus wanted to know who cut off his arm in the battle." - You might need to tell us about this dismembering a bit earlier. :P
 * 109) * The image of Gev and Orade's marriage would be really good in that Second Battle of Fondor, since it is the only image of any of the events depicted. You can probably bung the Jaina image in the P&T then.
 * 110) *Otherwise, very readable. I've made some of my own changes, here and there, but let me know if there are any that undermine anything you had intended originally. Good work overall. Thefourdotelipsis 00:16, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 112) * Finding Fett: "&hellip;where he was staying for a meeting with his second-in-command, Goran Beviin." Mention why he has a second-in-command. Until now he's only been described as a bounty hunter.
 * 113) **Addressed.
 * 114) * Finding Fett: "&hellip;Corellian Chief of State Thrackan Sal-Solo&hellip;" Should it not be Head of State? Also, his job title should be linked to something.
 * 115) **Addressed.
 * 116) * Finding Fett: "&hellip;with Fett and Gev accompanied by ex-smuggler Han Solo&hellip;" Could use a quick mention of Han's link to Thrackan and why he wants to help.
 * 117) **Addressed.
 * 118) * Second Battle of Folor: "&hellip;Imperial Remnant leader Gilad Pellaeon had been murdered&hellip;" By who? Becomes clear later, but it would be better to say here. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:24, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) Stuff:
 * 121) *Needs to be elaborated how Ailyn gave Gev the heart of fire to ensnare Fett, and how it did so; that was the reason Fett let her stay, since he figured he could find Ailyn on his own.
 * 122) **Addressed.
 * 123) *"Gev was once again forced to remain in the ship, despite her attempts at coercion." - That reads kind of vaguely.
 * 124) **Addressed.
 * 125) *The sequence of events on Corellia isn't really complete or accurate. They first meet with Sal-Solo, where he wants to hire them to defend Centerpoint's repair teams, then Gejjen pulls them aside and makes them his counteroffer. The section of Sal-Solo's death is extremely brief, too, for something that takes up a couple chapters of the book. Should be elaborated on how Han was brought into it, and how Han recognized Gev as an accomplice of Ailyn, who was after him. Related to that, mention should be made earlier of how she unsuccessfully tried contacting Ailyn, and the GA got her name.
 * 126) **Addressed.
 * 127) *The mention of Vong War devastation should probably be pushed back to its proper place in the timeline (give or take, since you don't know exactly when, but she's probably older than ten). The article's already provided the proper context for Mandalore to show why that would affect her. - Lord Hydronium 02:38, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) **Addressed.
 * 129) *I can't believe I'm saying this, but more context on the Battle of Fondor would not be out of line. It's a very sudden start, and I think the reasons for the Mandalorians coming to Fondor could at least be expanded on.
 * 130) **Addressed.
 * 131) *"Fett lambasted them for Gev's death, meaning that the aloof Fett truly did care for his granddaughter." - I'd rather this were phrased less didactically, than just the blatant "THIS IS WHAT THIS EVENT MEANS". Maybe say he revealed that he cared in that way, or he showed that he cared to [some person].
 * 132) **Reworded.
 * 133) *"Gev, still lying wounded" - sounds like she was lying down the entire time.
 * 134) **Addressed.
 * 135) *Caedus not knowing that it was Jaina cut off his arm could be explained better. Explain the illusion back when it happens, because otherwise you get to the second part and suddenly he doesn't know who cut off his own arm. And the explanation given is rather fuzzy, since there's no reason said why he would think both Jaina and Luke were there. - Lord Hydronium 03:36, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) *Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:22, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 137) From the howling Intergalactic Void of Harrar
 * 138) *Is there no further information on when and how Mirta met Skirata the first time?
 * 139) **Nah. She basically said that she met him on a bounty hunting mission, nothing else really.
 * 140) *Using the pendant to "ensnare" Fett makes it sound like she's going to tie him up with it - please address
 * 141) **Reworded.
 * 142) *Mirta attacks Fett the first time they meet?! I could have sworn she just followed him until he turns around and confronts her. Looking at Tommy's earlier objection - "You don't mention a thing about Gev wanting revenge while she traveled with fett, nor her attack on him. This is in Bloodlines by the way" - it looks like you've placed it in the wrong area. Check that please.
 * 143) *"Coerce" is too strong a word - manipulating, perhaps?
 * 144) **Reworded.
 * 145) *"Tag along" is too informal, please reword
 * 146) **Reworded.
 * 147) *"Gev pointed them to Coruscant" - hmm, doesn't sound right. Please reword
 * 148) **Reworded.
 * 149) *Missing info on how Gev tries to contact her mother via conflict and can't get through
 * 150) *This is going to sound rude but the fact that the information about Gev pulling a blaster on Fett in the safehouse after the assassination is missing is quite an oversight. There's a ton of information there that's crucial to the article, such as her confrontation of and reconciliation with Fett. I'd re-read Bloodlines completely and check your info is correct and that your level of detail is consistent. Frankly, it seems like this section has been written from memory.
 * 151) *"Afterwards, the two attended a meeting of the Mandalorian clans" - need to clarify who "the two" are
 * 152) **Addressed.
 * 153) *As I recall, Gev doesn't "con" the Hamdryas bodyguard &mdash; she threatens to cut his caratoid artery. I think you're thinking of the receptionist of the casino; Fett is introduced as the President of Mandalore as due to their standards of decorum for visiting dignitaries they are obliged to let him in. You need to look over this and check your facts.
 * 154) *"Faced with death, Fraig divulged that Skirata had a grudge against a Twi'lek clan named Himar." - What's the relevance here?
 * 155) *If I remember correctly (again!) they are attacked en route to the Slave I while being pursued by a series of patrol vehicles. Try and expand this section please.
 * 156) *You make it sound like Vevut's offer of a blaster is what encourages Gev to marry Orade - either remove or give more details on how they fall in love (don't they go for walks or something)
 * 157) *Can we expand upon how Fett and Gev behave on their journey to Phaeda - how does Fett feel about his wife being alive/Gev feel about her grandmother?
 * 158) *I'm going to wait on Hydro's objection about the Battle of Fondor before striking this one as I want to see how things look
 * 159) **Addressed.
 * 160) *Rather than jumping straight to the Battle of Roche, please talk about how stuff ends with Sintas/how the war progresses - basically try to make the transition smoother so we can ditch the "this time it was a battle" phrase
 * 161) *I think you need to re-read the interrogation scene in Invincible as well as Jaina's interactions with Gev when she comes to rescue her. As I recall, Jacen does semi-crack Mirta by convincing her that Fett has abandoned her and landed her in the situation &mdash; she becomes quite apathetic and frightened. When Jaina arrives, I'm sure I remember her being disconcerted with Mirta's state of mind and confused as to what Jacen's done to her. Finally, are you sure Mirta frees herself or is she just given the blaster? When Jag arrives after Jaina kills Jacen, I swear she sends him off to find Gev and get her to safety.
 * 162) *Reading your P&T, which I really liked, you seem to have included some of the pertinent info for the last section of the bio in there when it really should be present in both. The fact that Mirta would prefer to put herself out of her misery is relevant to both bio and P&T
 * 163) *Okay so. Basically this review will come across as harsh anyway, so I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm not sure quite what's going on with this article and I find the lack of pertinent info/inclusion of erroneous info both disconcerting and, well, alarming. Clearly you have access to the novels and this is shown by the detailed nature of some sections, such as the early life part, in which you've drawn info from all three Traviss books to provide a decent overview of Gev's childhood. How you can go from this to the muddled Gejjen assassination and discarded Fett confrontation is therefore a little odd. At times it seems like you've written some parts with the book right in front of you, and at others from what you can recall. If you think I've been unfair then please show me where my objections have been unwarranted; for the time being, I'd urge you to re-read and re-evaluate the sections I've raised questions about and consider whether this article is really accurate and worthy of going on the front page. On the other hand, well done for taking a character and expanding and nominating her; she's a lot better than what she was. -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 13:34, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I volunteer to take over DC's objections in light of his departure. In take over, I mean to merely verify that the objections have been addressed in accordance with the objection. An Inquisitor's review will be given as well, and, of course, only one vote will be cast. Please advise on the next course of action. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 05:29, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 22:18, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Darth Nihl

 * Nominated by: DC 02:49, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The first in line for a project of mine that will see all major characters from Legacy be FA'd. This is just the beginning, beware.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) After a copyedit.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:48, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) –Victor  Redstarbird.svg ( talk page ) 05:49, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 22:07, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:06, 13 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I believe that in his succession boxes, you should mention what he is a Fist and Hand of; for example, "Fist of One Sith" would be one. –Victor  Redstarbird.svg ( talk page ) 05:43, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I agree. Addressed, and thanks for the review, Victor. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 01:36, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Sure Tommy, no problem. Another thing I noticed is in the "Behind the scenes" there is nothing else about him except for his appearances. Is there nothing on his background or origins or anything by the authors of Legacy? (With sources of course) Also, I believed I spotted "Legacy" without italics and "hand" without capitalization, which should be capitalized since it is a proper noun. Now the following isn't really an objection as I'm not sure where I stand with the requirements on this, but shouldn't you simply tell us of which arcs Nihl appears in, without having to describe the plot? Since that is already summarized/told (and referenced) in the biography, I find it sort of redundant. But that's just a suggestion as far as I know. –Victor  Redstarbird.svg ( talk page ) 04:33, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Hey, Vic. I took care of of the "Legacy" and "Hand" issues. I also provided some minimal insight into the character's name origin, though at this time I am unaware of any other sources that delve into the character's origins regarding the writers. As far as the redundancy, I feel that the opening statement of Nihl's BtS gives reason for the little explanations found after each appearance. I understand your point about it being repetetive, but I understand what DC was trying to do and feel it is still a beneficial part of the article. If, however, consensus is later decided against that stance, I have no problems with reworking the content so as not to repeat itself. Thanks again for your review, Squish. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 20:52, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **That's understandable. Those are all the issues I found with this nomination. Nice job, to you and DC (even if he is gone). –<font color="#c00">Victor  Redstarbird.svg ( talk page ) 05:49, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) "Instead, a search was warranted for Skywalker, in whom Krayt had an interest because of his potential to use the Force." - I think it's a bit more than that. Needs elaboration. Thefourdotelipsis 02:20, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *Addressed. thanks, Fourdot. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 13:14, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Grunny:
 * 9) * In the second paragraph of the intro "Nihl" seems overused, can you change a couple to pronouns?
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * Same as the previous objection for the second paragraph of the Vendaxa subsection.
 * 12) **Addressed.
 * 13) * You only mention clearly that Nihl was originally Krayt's Fist in the intro, this should be mentioned at the start of the bio too.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) * "While they fought, Skywalker's mother, Morrigan Corde, blew up..." Can you give a brief mention of the plan to rescue Skywalker, just to explain Corde's sudden appearance.
 * 16) **Addressed. Did some reworking and removal of a decent amount of stuff, because it (and much of the article) reads like it could be from anyone's bio. I tried to work it as being told from Nihl's POV as much as possible. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 22:20, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "By the time Darth Wyyrlok returned to Coruscant following the Battle on Had Abbadon and the death of Darth Krayt, Nihl had recovered and bore a new arm." Could you explain the events a bit better? I know you didn't add this line, but a little more explanation of the events surrounding Krayt's death would be helpful in setting up Nihl's appearance in Legacy 35 :-).
 * 18) **Addressed. Check that out, see if it's satisfactory please.
 * 19) * Grunny  ( Talk ) 13:46, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ** Will complete the others when I get to a pc. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 02:39, 12 May 2009 (UTC) All set. Thanks for the review, Grunny. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 04:57, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) From Fiolli:
 * 22) *The succession boxes should have years in them for the other individuals since they are available. Otherwise, it is pretty good shape. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:49, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I volunteer to take over this nom, in light of DC's departure. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 06:22, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * The illustration of Ossus in a section that describes events seven years later is quite jarring. I suggest that it either be removed or moved up to the relevant section. Thefourdotelipsis 02:20, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Removed per your suggestion. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 19:50, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Celeste Morne
"M'lady, it's time. Shall we?''" "''We shall."
 * Nominated by:A joint production by —Tommy  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) and <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 21:53, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

- Tommy and Cylka, solidifying their partnership

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) SingAurraSing
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 22:21, 18 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * "After receiving the message concerning a secret Imperial weapon abandoned on a moon, Vader's children, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa, led a team of Rebels to investigate." - You don't really need to call them Vader's children. It just makes things more confusing for a newcomer. Instead, describe them as Rebel agents, or something. Otherwise, very nice. Thefourdotelipsis 05:09, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thank you for the review, Fourdot. Please advise if anything else is required. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 12:22, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 2) *I really wouldn't bother stating which people aside from Zayne were in the Covenant's vision&mdash;that can be revealed later. Just give descriptions, make it more from their perspective.
 * 3) *The asides about what Morne thinks of Carrick need to be dropped from the bio; detail about the events is fine, but if you're going to sum up Morne's thoughts it should go in the P&T.
 * 4) *No need to list all the people on the Williwaw, really.
 * 5) *"&hellip;and passed by blood and trade through many hands until, by twist of fate, it came into the possession&hellip;" – I'd just replace this with more specific and less fancy wording; as it stands it almost sounds as though there are many stories to be told but you have chosen not to.
 * 6) *"with the Muur Talisman still attached to her neck and the presence of the spirit of Karness Muur" – This is pretty awkward. Be more specific, say what the spirit is doing or something, please.
 * 7) *You can't call Luke and Leia twins offhand without establishing it, and I don't feel it appropriate to establish it in this article where it's in no way relevant.
 * 8) *More later. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:45, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Yun

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:20, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: "He is a Jedi. He deserves a FAN."

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) I think that the article is featured article material. <font face="Arial"> ZEM  talk to me!   05:44, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 23:43, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:49, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) This article IS FA material. --Clonehunter 14:43, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:52, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Find out who voiced him in the radio dramas. Mauser 11:00, 22 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *According to Dark Forces: The Collector's Trilogy audio drama, Timothy Kuhlmann. --Craven 16:30, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Wow, thanks Craven. I was looking in the web and couldn't find any info. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:14, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Four Dot:
 * 5) * "Indirectly, Yun continued to help Katarn even after his death; it was Yun's lightsaber that Katarn used to defeat Jerec and save the galaxy from his evil." - Evil is POV.
 * 6) **Removed the entire part about "saving the galaxy".
 * 7) * "In order for his plans to come to fruition, however, he needed the power of the Valley of the Jedi, a Force nexus formed in the outcome of the New Sith Wars, when the souls of numerous Jedi and Sith were trapped in the Valley as a result of the explosion of the thought bomb, a powerful weapon detonated by Lord Kaan, one of the last leaders of the Sith during that period." - This sentence should be broken up.
 * 8) **Broken up into two sentences.
 * 9) * "Rahn and his Rebel companions" - Which Rebel companions? You need to introduce them a few sentences earlier, or properly introduce them there.
 * 10) **Introduced.
 * 11) * "Sariss then gave Yun his next assignment&mdash;to find out what happened to Patrol Zulu, Able, Mary 341, which was long overdue." - Overdue for what?
 * 12) **Not for what. "Overdue" here means: "delayed beyond an appointed time".
 * 13) * Too much detail in the first paragraph of the "Differences between versions" section. And the second paragraph too. Don't specify the dialogue changes, just mention that there are dialogue changes. Thefourdotelipsis 00:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Cut the section in half. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:00, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) What happens after they meet Arden Lyn? You mention that he meets her but don't talk about it at all after that point.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  17:13, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *See ref #7. The scenario is open-ended. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:16, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) From the cramped cockpit of Xwing328:
 * 18) * No link to his own father.
 * 19) **Article created and linked to. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:44, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "Yun soon pledged his family's assets..." This sentence could use some work - it's rather convoluted.
 * 21) **I've broken up the sentence into two. Just in case, I've also created articles about his mother and sister. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 15:31, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Soon, a Jedi called Qu Rahn was located on the planet Dorlo." The word "soon" doesn't seem related to this sentence.
 * 23) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:24, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Rahn and his Rebel companions..." Are these Rebel Alliance rebels? If so, link; otherwise, lowercase. —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:11, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Although the book takes place in 5 ABY, they are still called "the Rebels" (uppercase). Linked to the Rebel Alliance according to it. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 15:15, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Jinzler
 * 27) * The sources in the "Sources" section are not listed in chronological order --Jinzler 18:30, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:49, 13 May 2009 (UTC)

Viqi "Vichy" Shesh

 * Nominated by: -- Harrar 14:02, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Cold-hearted collaborator. And guest nom for WP:NEGTC!

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Image is beautiful now and it really is a great article. Dark Lord Trayus 23:57, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) "Fascinating captain, and logical too." Thefourdotelipsis 08:53, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The image you're using of Coruscant is from Episode II. It needs to be replaced by an image from a time closer to the events of Shesh's life. Perhaps this one - it is at least from the YV War. --Eyrezer 08:55, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm going to cut images from this section entirely. While having a picture from 19 BBY is not cool, having a picture of a pitched battle doesn't work either. If only there was a picture of Coruscant all overgrown and gross. -- —Harrar  MR T.Lah.jpg ( Villip ) 09:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Maybe a crop of the Japanese Traitor cover? (This isn't an objection, by the way, if you don't want it or it doesn't work.) - Lord Hydronium 20:21, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***For some reason I completely forgot about the Japanese covers. I uploaded it and stuck it in. Feel free to move it around, anyone. Good call, Hydro. -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 20:41, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I'm glad my objection helped unearth this image! --Eyrezer 04:14, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Four Dot:
 * 7) * "Coruscant fell to the Yuuzhan Vong warmaster just as Tsavong Lah had always planned and despite Shesh's earlier efforts to appease the invaders with Duro and the Jedi." - This sentence doesn't read right to me.
 * 8) ** Changed to: "Coruscant fell to the Yuuzhan Vong warmaster&mdash;just as Tsavong Lah had always intended&mdash;and Shesh's earlier efforts to appease the invaders by delivering Duro and the Jedi were shown to have been futile."
 * 9) * You seem to use Tsavong Lah's full name a lot. Is there any particular reason for this?
 * 10) ** Not particularly! Going through the article I removed 15+ Tsavongs, changing it to "Lah" or "Warmaster Lah" or "warmaster"
 * 11) * Is the quote in the Legacy of treason section attributed to the right source? I've never read Star by Star, but I would have thought that was from the NEC.
 * 12) ** Good spot; I'd copied the template from one of the other quotations and forgot to change the attribution.
 * 13) *Otherwise, utterly superb, and highly compelling. My only other complaint is that you've sourced a lot of self-sourcing statements in the Bts. Thefourdotelipsis 04:30, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **I removed the BtS sourcing. Thanks for your kind words, I really enjoyed writing it! -- —Harrar  MR T.Lah.jpg ( Villip ) 08:44, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) From the Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 16) * Intro is a bit too play-by-play in the end of the second/beginning of third paragraph. Please shorten it a hair.
 * 17) **I took out some fluff; see what you think.
 * 18) * "During the subsequent reconstruction efforts, Shesh's family lost status" What type of status? A bit of clarification here.
 * 19) **Added "social and political" before "status" &mdash; is that alright?
 * 20) * You alternate between "senate" and Senate. Please make those consistent.
 * 21) **Used the "find" tool to track down all uses of senate and capitalized them, having looked at the Palpatine article for precedent.
 * 22) * Please specify which agency Kalenda belonged to rather than just describing her as an "Operative"
 * 23) **Added "New Republic Intelligence" before "Operative"
 * 24) *Partial review. Will continue later. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:07, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks for the (partial) review, cheers I know it's a long'un :P -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 12:17, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Is it "Kuat Drive Yards" or "the Kuat Drive Yards"?
 * 27) **An interesting point has been raised here, actually. Kuat Drive Yards is the company, whereas we don't seem to have an actual article for the shipyards themselves. I've standardised in to "Kuat Drive Yards" when talking about the company, and on the one occasion when I'd called the shipyards "the Kuat Drive Yards" I changed it to "the Kuat shipyards".
 * 28) *"Shesh was discussing affairs when the transmission was once" What type of affairs?
 * 29) **Unspecified, IIRC. I changed it to "discussing matters of the colony".
 * 30) *The end of the 4th paragraph of "Duro and the Jedi" strays a bit far from the subject matter of Viqi Shesh. Can you condense it a little?
 * 31) **Take a look at it to see what you think &mdash; I did some strimming and tried to direct things more towards Shesh, but you may think there's still too much extraneous info. The Duro anti-Jedi address is very important though.
 * 32) *"The case against Shesh was dropped following Pomt's death. Organa Solo's efforts struck a blow to the Kuati woman's anti-Jedi agitation." These two sentences don't flow well together. Can you tie them together or make a new paragraph?
 * 33) **"The case against Shesh was dropped following Pomt's death; nevertheless, Organa Solo's efforts to expose the senator had called Shesh's integrity into question. With knowledge of Shesh's possible corruption now public, the Appeasement Vote lost support&hellip;" -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 18:16, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *Will finish later. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:25, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Viqi Shesh is 100Kbs, yes, and the FA page is a bit choked but I figured I don't care how long she's up here for and she can be read in chunks. She's an odd character to write because we tend to see the manifestation of her actions rather than her actions a lot of the time. -- Harrar 14:02, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * That headshot of Viqi in the infobox looks really warped. At least on my computer it does. Xicer9 Atgar.svg( Rawr) 10:26, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Its not just yours. It hurts my eyes. Dark Lord Trayus 19:49, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I've been reliably informed by JMAS that this is due to the fact that Wikia has not yet updated its cache. It's the proper dimensions, but the cache needs updating. Harrar 22:26, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm up through the fall of Coruscant, fyi. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:07, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Valin Draco

 * Nominated by:Jinzler 00:05, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:My first FA nom

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 22:40, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 21:48, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer:
 * 2) * "a plan to infiltrate Admiral Gilder Varth into the Alderaanian Resistance and the Sarlacc Project, the construction of a Super Star Destroyer prototype." It sounds as though Varth infiltrated both the resistance, and the Project. Can you re-wrod this? --Eyrezer 02:50, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Done --Jinzler 10:11, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * " In the fight that followed, they almost killed each other." This and the following sentence sounds a bit awkward. Can you reword it? --Eyrezer 09:13, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Done --Jinzler 20:33, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Four Dot:
 * 7) * "He became involved in various secret plots including a plan to infiltrate Admiral Gilder Varth into the Alderaanian Resistance, a resistance group based on Alderaan, to find evidence that Senator Bail Organa had betrayed the Empire and was secretly leading it." - Leading the Empire? I don't think so. :P You should reword this.
 * 8) **He would have been a better leader of it than Palpatine. I have rewrote this --Jinzler 22:09, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "and acquiring a Star Courier, the Scimitar—the former personal ship of the Sith Lord Darth Maul—although it is unknown if it was the same craft or not." - Well, if it's a Star Courier called Scimitar, it is the same ship, at least for our intents and purposes. You don't need to add the qualifier.
 * 10) **I have removed the stuff about it being the Scimitar. I don't know who added this, as I'm pretty sure that Starships of the Galaxy just says that it may or may not be the Scimitar --Jinzler 22:09, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "She had traveled to Coruscant when she learned of Order 66, to confront those responsible for destroying the Jedi Order and so preventing her from having revenge against them." - This doesn't make a lot of sense.
 * 12) **Hopefully, it does now --Jinzler 22:09, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * You should make some mention of the Empire's rise in the Republic's stead.
 * 14) **Added --Jinzler 22:09, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "The Alderaanian Resistance sent a team to free Varth[4] and Draco had ensured that they were easily able to do so, by limiting the number of Imperial troops, under the guise of keeping the facility secret." - This doesn't read well.
 * 16) **Rewrote --Jinzler 22:09, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "While the Legacy Era Campaign Guide does not explicitly state the familial bond, it is strongly implied in the entry for Antares Draco; it is noted that an ancestor of Antares was a member of the Inquisitorius under Emperor Palpatine." - If that's the case, why is the Legacy Era Campaign guide listed as a source? Thefourdotelipsis 02:24, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Removed. It's a shame we don't have a "possible mention" template, as we have a one --Jinzler 22:09, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Attack of the Clone
 * 20) * The first sentence of the intro is a bit confusing; it sounds like you're trying to say that he served as a Knight during the Clone Wars, but it's not coming off as completely clear.
 * 21) **Clarified --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * What exactly did Draco learn from the holocron? If there are too many things to list, it can be stated as something general.
 * 23) **Added --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Prakith needs a bit of context, as does Byss.
 * 25) **Added --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * When you say that Draco "fully embraced his role as a commander", I think it can be linked to Jedi Commander instead of commander. However, I wasn't completely sure of this, so please change it yourself if you see fit.
 * 27) **Changed --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Parein II 4 needs context.
 * 29) **Added --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "she was prevented from her from having revenge against them": the "from her" is confusing; please check this.
 * 31) **Oops... I have now fixed this --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Coruscant needs context.
 * 33) **Added --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "Draco conspired with Admiral Gilder Varth of the Imperial Navy to infiltrate Varth into the Alderaanian Resistance": it sounds like it's supposed to mean "Draco conspired with Varth to infiltrate the Resistance with him," but please clarify.
 * 35) **Clarified --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Felucia and Cato Nemoidia need context.
 * 37) **Added --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "and wanted to trade her in return for the Inquisitor ensuring that Darga never returned to Cato Neimoidia." The sentence needs to be reworded so that a noun replaces "ensuring", as it is grammatically awkward right now.
 * 39) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * "Draco agreed, and said that he would travel there straight away, with the Assiduous": rather awkward phrasing; if possible, please remove "straight away" and change "with the Assiduous", as the latter is not grammatically correct.
 * 41) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * "but he threatened Demos that he would not be gentle with him if he had been summoned on a fool's errand": it looks like "gentle with him" is quoted directly from the source, but please try to reword it if possible.
 * 43) **Rephrased --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Bespin needs context, and so does Almas&mdash;yes, it is stated what system it is in, but for all the reader knows, it could be a planet, an asteroid, a city (possibly), etc.
 * 45) **Added --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * That the Almas Academy was a Jedi Academy is currently exclusive to the intro.
 * 47) **Added --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * Utapau needs context.
 * 49) **Added --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * "Afterward, he headed for Almas." The use of "afterward" is rather choppy. The same is the case in the start of the first sentence of another paragraph "Afterward, Draco took Rivan’s holocron..." (Also, I changed it from "afterwards", since the word is slang.)
 * 51) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "who had ruled on Almas" sounds like he ruled something on Almas, but not the entire planet. If this is the case, please make it clearer, and if it's not, please reword it.
 * 53) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "Jedi Master Vhiin Thorla had arrived there": it's unclear exactly when Thorla arrives; please clarify by either adding "already" (if that's the case) or rewording it.
 * 55) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Under the influence of the gatekeeper, he left various traps and creatures around the academy to discourage intruders." It's unclear who "he" is; it sounds like it likely means Draco, but it could also mean Rivan in this case.
 * 57) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "and while seeming familiar, also seemed not to be right": rather awkward phrasing; please reword.
 * 59) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "illusionary" is not a word; please change.
 * 61) **Changed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * "keeping strapped to his wrist from then on": it needs to be stated as to which holocron he strapped to his wrist; it could mean either one right now.
 * 63) **I disagree, as this is part of a sentence regarding his discovery of the Qornah holocron and clearly refers to that --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "Draco became desperate due to the fact that the loss of the holocron had weakened his power." For this sentence to work, Draco needs to be desperate for something, i.e. to accomplish an action; it doesn't work otherwise.
 * 65) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Nizon needs context.
 * 67) **Added --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "and planned to transport her off it" is not very clear; please check this and reword.
 * 69) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ***Please check this again. If you can, try to say where he planned to transport her instead of saying he planned to "transport her off it." If it's unknown, please reword.
 * 71) ****Sorry, I must have missed this. I have rephrased it --Jinzler 21:21, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * Prakith needs context as to what kind of location it is.
 * 73) **Added --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * "he had still not broken her": reads rather awkwardly. Do you mean broken her will or her mind, or what?
 * 75) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * "he seemed unbeatable in open combat": is it stated why he appeared this way?
 * 77) **No, this is just info from a plot sumarisation of Sword of the Empire, so will probably be expanded upon when that is released --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) * "Denia sacrificed herself to weaken him": is it known in what way she did this?
 * 79) **No, for the same reason as above --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * "he believed in the Republic and what he was fighting for": well, what was he fighting for?
 * 81) **Added --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) *** It's still a bit awkward; if you're going to mention that he believed in the Republic's ideals, you might as well state what the ideals were, which in this case is unnecessary. Perhaps saying he "sided with the Republic" would work better. You might also want to consider removing this altogether, unless you can state specifically why he lost hope. Did he turn to the dark side out of agony? If he did, please try to make it clearer.
 * 83) ****I have tried to rephrase it the best I can, but I can't say specifically why he lost hope, because the source is pretty vague. However, I don't think it should be removed, as this still represents a key change in his personality, that is worthy of mention in P & T --Jinzler 21:21, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "However, as the conflict drew on, he increasingly lost hope in it, and eventually completely abandoned his belief in it after the Battle of Parein II 4." Reworded this myself a bit, but it's unclear as to what "it" is both times it is used.
 * 85) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * "Draco was capable of caring": well, technically anyone in the world is "capable of caring." Please reword.
 * 87) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * "If they are captured or incapacitated by Draco’s Noghri commandos": who is "they"?
 * 89) **Clarified --Jinzler 21:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * CC7567  (talk) 07:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * Last one: "but he threatened Demos that he would not be pleased with him with him if he failed to hand over Denia." It doesn't sound like a real threat; unless his displeasure had a real major significance, please reword this. Also, please check some of the remaining objections above. Other than that, it looks fine.  CC7567  (talk) 00:49, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) **Threat is inferred by his displeasure, but the source doesn't state anything specific that Draco planned to do if he was displeased, so I'm not sure if I can do anything about this --Jinzler 21:21, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) The Anvil:
 * 94) *I don't think the tag is necessary since we only usually use those for folks with the same first name.
 * 95) *" As he lay injured, he was attacked by a night hunter." What's a night hunter?
 * 96) *" Accompanying him were three other Inquisitors who had been sent to help him, although they were unhappy about being pulled from their duties and placed under his command." Do we know who these three are?
 * 97) *Otherwise, good job. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 11:31, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * CC7567, I will try to fix the rest of your objections in a few days time, as I have got to go to work now --Jinzler 09:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * That's fine; take your time. I know that I can be a real pain in the behind. :P  CC7567  (talk) 18:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Sword of the Empire has now been released, so I will add information from that some when soon --Jinzler 22:36, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Added --Jinzler 22:12, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Gallandro

 * Nominated by: Havac 23:51, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Daley + WEG + hired killer=awesome. Now if only KJA hadn't screwed around with it. Havac 23:51, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 22:42, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Add a couple more images. For instance, an image of Odumin wouldn't go amiss. --Eyrezer 03:32, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I generally don't like to do that unless the article is really bereft of images and I'd just be presenting the reading with a big wall of text. For this, I don't think an image every other section is amiss. I'd rather not get into "Han Solo: Gallandro shot him" "The Mor Glayyd: Gallandro was going to duel him" territory unless I really have to, and I don't think this is really a case of have-to. Havac 04:31, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **There are some pretty big walls of text there... I think an image of Anja would be entirely appropriate for the legacy section. --Eyrezer 05:21, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***See how you like that. Havac 22:06, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I guess that will do. --Eyrezer 23:19, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Four Dot:
 * 7) * The intro is just a touch too gargantuan. Out of kindness to the main page, do you think you could trim it down?
 * 8) **Trimmed. Havac 03:25, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "As he looked at the orphans like himself, Gallandro realized he had no sympathy for them." - This could be worded a little better. "Like himself" doesn't flow well, I think.
 * 10) **Altered. Havac 03:25, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "He did not truly care about others—not strangers, not his parents. He barely cared about himself. He lived for the kill." - Bit flowery.
 * 12) **Deflowered . . . wait. Havac 03:25, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Quite. Thefourdotelipsis 10:29, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * You seem to have quite a few instances where you say "and" twice in quick succession, which doesn't read well. You should probably reword these sentences.
 * 15) **Ands significantly diminished. Havac 03:25, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *More later. Thefourdotelipsis 01:58, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) More
 * 18) * I think you got most of them, but I found another: "Solo and his companions Hasti Troujow and Alexsandr Badure were suspicious, but agreed."
 * 19) **Varied. Havac 20:14, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *Otherwise, excellent. Thefourdotelipsis 10:29, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Dulok

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 01:34, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: We are the Du-Du-Du-Du-Duloks, and we're one big grumpy family.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) One of the best articles I have read for some time! Well done. --Eyrezer 08:42, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Solid. Thefourdotelipsis 23:05, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I know you can have up to three redlinks but, could you pretty please take care of glock and trap? Simply stub them. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:55, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Will do. If anyone has the DVD Tales from the Endor Woods (or the other side, whichever has Rampage of the Phlogs on it), it would be nice to know whether "glock" is the correct spelling or not (via the closed-captioning), though! ~ SavageBob 22:06, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. I believe earring is a redlink now, though, alas. ~ SavageBob 01:29, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Is there any Galaxies quests relating to the Duloks? If so they should be included in the body of the article. --Eyrezer 10:45, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks! I think you get a badge for visiting their village, but I'll check again. ~ SavageBob 22:06, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Ah, ok. So the Duloks are just random adversaries then? --Eyrezer 22:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm pretty sure this is the case. I've added a bit about the badge. ~ SavageBob 01:29, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

Zaalbar

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:47, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: GROOOOARGH

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) One of my favourite party members. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:12, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 07:18, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Couple of things I noticed after a quick scan:
 * 2) *Early bio doesn't establish a timeframe.
 * 3) *First paragraph of "Revan" section could be altered to be more from Zaalbar's POV as opposed to Revan's, and some of the extraneous info could be cut out. Also, "Zaalbar found Zaalbar scaring off..." :-P
 * 4) *Speculation at the end of the bio.
 * 5) *BtS needs expansion. There's concept art there, so his conception should be mentioned, as should where he appeared. "An alternate dark side choice" means nothing to someone who's not familiar with the game.
 * 6) **-- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:26, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Some other things from QuiGon
 * 8) * Context on Revan in the intro.
 * 9) * With one of the Star Maps being located on Zaalbar's homeworld of Kashyyyk, Zaalbar returned to his homeworld with Revan. Could one "homeworld" be changed to something else?
 * 10) * Early life. ...came under the attention span of numerous slaving organizations across the galaxy, such as the galaxy spanning wide organization Czerka Corporation. Same here with "spans"
 * 11) * After discovering that his brother, Chuundar, was making deals with slavers to sell Wookiees to them, Zaalbar went mad with rage and attacked his brother. And again. "His brother" is used twice in the same sentence.
 * 12) * "Charging one of the Black Vulkars, one of them knocked Mission down, by striking her". Awkward.
 * 13) **Nevermind, I rephrased it myself. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:33, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "After that, the pair became inseparable from one another". What pair? The previous sentence was about the Vulcars.
 * 15) * Beware of colloquial language like the short forms "who’d" and "hadn't". They are unencyclopedic and should be changed to full forms "who would" and "had not"
 * 16) * "abilities to break open locks, as taught to her by her brother Grif, were able to assist Zaalbar". Abilities were able to assist? This needs some rephrasing.
 * 17) * The GameLS should be used in the article, methinks.
 * 18) * Several articles are not linked in the main body. These include Carth, Bastila, etc. Each article should linked once in the intro and once in the main body.
 * 19) * Zaalbar was a dedicated warrior and fighter, able to wield a number of weapons including melee weapons, such as vibroblades, to the weapon of the Bowcaster, well favored by Wookiee’s, Zaalbar owning his own Bowcaster The last part reads really awkwardly. I suggest splitting the sentence.
 * 20) * Talents and abilities. "Bacca's Ceremonial Blade, given to him by his father, Wookiee chieftain Freyyr". You've already stated at least twice in the bio that Freyyr was his father. And while it reads okay there, it seems unnecessary in this section.
 * 21) * You mention his usage of vibroblades and the bowcaster twice in this section.
 * 22) * "Zaalbar's strength was also evident from his ability to easily pick up foes, as he did with those who were attacking him when he first met Mission and on Tattooine, where he was able to pick up Tusken Raiders" I suggest rephrasing this as well.
 * 23) * "Zaalbar is similar to Chewbacca from four of the "Star Wars" films. Like Chewbacca, he is Wookiee royalty and has sworn a life debt to a Human." I think these films should be listed instead of the current KotoR ref. As does the source that states that Chewbacca was royalty.
 * 24) *Other than that, and a few other minor things I've corrected, the article looks fine. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:15, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Alright, done but for the BtS part, which I'm working on. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:31, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Acky's complaints have been addressed, as we discussed via the IRC. QuiGonn, the uncrossed objections: the contractions aren't there, and the Chewbacca point isn't there either. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:45, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Four Dot:
 * 28) * "Zaalbar (pronounced /'zɑlbɑɹ/), also nicknamed "Big Z", was a male Wookiee who aided former Sith Lord Revan in his quest throughout the galaxy." - Which quest is this?
 * 29) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "Originating from the Mid Rim Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk, Zaalbar was the son of Wookiee Chieftain Freyyr, but had been exiled from Kashyyyk. Zaalbar had been exiled from Kashyyyk as a madclaw, as he had turned on another Wookiee with his bare hands and violated a Wookiee code of conduct by doing this, causing him to be exiled." - Repetitive.
 * 31) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Could do with a bit more. Maybe tweak that sentence transition there. Thefourdotelipsis 11:43, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "Zaalbar and Vao traveled everywhere on Taris together, protecting one another in the absence of family members, forging a close bond between the two of them." - In the absence of family members? Perhaps in the absence of any other companions, or something like that, would do better.
 * 34) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Try to refrain from using first names. Replace them with family names, eg, change "Mission" to "Vao."
 * 36) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * "When the amnesiac Revan traveled to the planet alongside Republic soldier Carth Onasi in their search for the Jedi Knight Bastila Shan, they encountered Mission and Zaalbar when they were affiliated with the Hidden Beks, the Tarisian undercity swoop gang." - Perhaps you should establish this affiliation earlier in the bio.
 * 38) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "Although Zaalbar did not go for it, a young Twi’lek orphan, Mission Vao, was looking on and felt Zaalbar was threatened by the gang members." - Go for what?
 * 40) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * "When the amnesiac Jedi Knight and former Sith Lord Revan served on the Republic ship Endar Spire, the ship came under attack by the Sith forces of Sith Lord Darth Malak. After the Sith forces overpowered the Endar Spire, and the Republic were forced to call an evacuation order, a multitude of Republic escape pods fled to the planet's surface. On arrival on the planet's surface, Republic soldier Carth Onasi and Revan encountered both swoop gangs, the Hidden Beks and the Black Vulkars and, through them, Revan first saw Zaalbar and Mission in Javyar's Cantina. In the Cantina, Revan found Zaalbar scaring off a group of Black Vulkars who were harassing Mission." - This is told entirely from Revan's perspective. Rewrite it so it's Zaalbar's story.
 * 42) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***"Zaalbar encountered Revan and his companion, Republic soldier Carth Onasi, as part of the Hidden Beks, Zaalbar and Vao first seeing Revan in Javyar's Cantina." - This part still reads oddly, though. Thefourdotelipsis 11:43, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ****Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:13, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "Revan, not joining with the pair at that moment in time, allowed them to go on their way." - This is another example of the wrong perspective. Remember, you're writing Zaalbar's biography, not a summary of how he appears in KOTOR.
 * 46) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ***You still mention them not joining his party, though. Why would they, at that point? :P Thefourdotelipsis 11:43, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ****Dammit, whoops. Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:13, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * There's a quite a bit of detail you've sourced to the DB in the second paragraph of "Revan," that isn't in his DB entry at all.
 * 50) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "After reaching the uncharted planet Lehon, Carth Onasi was able to give the location of the Star Forge to Republic Admiral Forn Dodonna, who brought her ships to Lehon triggering the Battle of Rakata Prime." - Why would they go there? You need to give greater context to the journey to Lehon, mention the other planets they travelled to, the Star Maps, etc.
 * 52) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * The picture of him attacking the Tuskens is totally out of place, and not illustrative at all. I recommend putting it in the Talents and abilities section, and moving the Personality and traits image up to the first part of his bio.
 * 54) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:52, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) *If you can just fix those problems, I think you'll be on your way. Thefourdotelipsis 08:39, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Leaving my vote until feedback, as always. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:47, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Self-votes aren't allowed, at any rate. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:26, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Ah, that's true. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:31, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Daeshara'cor

 * Nominated by: -- —Harrar  MR T.Lah.jpg ( Villip ) 21:37, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: What with the Triage process bringing FANs down to a record low, I figured ole Daeshara wouldn't cause too much of a stir.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 23:42, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:25, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * IMHO: The quote opening "Death over Ithor" should specify who says each line. I had to look for a name, reach line 7, assume that the name Anakin is a vocative so it must have been said by the other party, and then re-read the quote to see who says the first line. Btw: Great article! -Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:25, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I removed the top lines because a) I felt the quote was a bit too long and cumbersome b) It would have really suffered to have had Daeshara'cor and Anakin Solo in front of every line. I do agree that it was vague, however, so I strimmed it down so the first line is Daeshara'cor saying "Anakin" so it's more obvious. Is this okay? -- —Harrar  MR T.Lah.jpg ( Villip ) 08:52, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Perfect, thanks. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:33, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I tried new things &mdash; but if my short paragraphs are too short though then let me know. -- —Harrar  MR T.Lah.jpg ( Villip ) 21:37, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Also, despite the fact that Ruin makes it clear that Daeshara does not quite fall to the dark side, the reference guides claim she does, and therefore I left her in the Fallen Jedi and Redeemed Jedi category despite the blatant contradictions. -- —Harrar  MR T.Lah.jpg ( Villip ) 21:42, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Mungo Baobab

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:10, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: But she told me she was eighteen!

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 08:27, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Four Dot
 * 2) * "From Calrissian, Baobab acquired the nickname "the Wook," a reference to his long, unmanageable beard which Calrissian frequently encouraged him to have styled. After much resistance, Baobab finally agreed." - I kinda get what you mean (Baobab agreed to the nickname), but you could make it a tad clearer.
 * 3) **Actually, he agreed to have it styled. Clarified. Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:10, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "Upon hearing that C-3PO had been captured during the attempted rescue of R2-D2, Baobab set off to find the droids while Fidge returned to the harem to rescue another astromech in case he was unsuccessful." - In case Fidge was unsuccessful?
 * 5) **In case Baobab was unsuccessful. Reworded. Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:10, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *That's...actually all. Thefourdotelipsis 00:11, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Christophsis

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 06:33, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sorry for the continued uber-long battle noms. :P  CC7567  (talk) 06:33, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:00, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 23:46, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:02, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 04:56, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I haven't exactly given this a review, I just read a little paragraph for reference after watching TCW, but I noticed that all you have on a part of the battle is "While Kenobi and Rex marshaled a defense of the base". I believe it could be expanded a bit to include how the clones retreated through sections all the way back to the cannons, Kenobi's orders to keep fighting, and that they had lost over half of their units during the attack. And also anything that I may have forgotten.  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:50, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Expanded and reorganized.  CC7567  (talk) 18:05, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Skippy's individual objection:
 * 4) * I seem to remember a Flanker who died in Christophsis. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:51, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Addressed. I don't feel a Bts note is important enough for an indirect mention, so he's only been added to the infobox.  CC7567  (talk) 07:56, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Four Dot
 * 7) * Too many images. You can cull quite a few, make it look a bit tidier.
 * 8) **I removed two; if more can be removed (with good placement), let me know. However, I'm trying to keep one per section, so that's why there's still a lot there. I removed the image of the Hunter with slight bias, because I felt it illustrated the space part of the battle; if it can be put back in there, I'd like it to be.
 * 9) * "The Jedi were accompanied by a faction of the Grand Army of the Republic, the clone army manufactured by the Republic to fight in the war." - I'm not sure that faction is the right word.
 * 10) **Does contingent work better?
 * 11) * "Skywalker and Kenobi were accompanied by a faction of the Grand Army of the Republic, the Republic's clone army manufactured to fight in the war." - Same here.
 * 12) **Is contingent better?
 * 13) * Too much in the infobox. You don't need to list every single identified clone trooper. Likewise, you don't need to specify the loss of Flanker in the casualties section. Similarly, you don't need to list each individual Jedi. Just say that there were 4 Jedi. Same goes for individual starfighters. And...didn't the 501st legion fight at Christophsis?
 * 14) **Ghost Squadron was part of the 212th, and Torrent Company was part of the 501st. I'm unsure if the major units themselves appeared; I have to check. I've taken out all the individuals from the "participants" except for the Venators; I think that they need to be identified. If they need to go as well, I'll get them.
 * 15) * A bit too much detail for the duel between Ventress and the Jedi. Prune a tad.
 * 16) **Addressed; I cut most of the dialogue out.  CC7567  (talk) 23:39, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * The entire article is told from the Republic's perspective. For battle articles, you must take a more objective viewpoint. This includes telling us who the traitor is from the get-go, when he's informing the Confederacy, when Ventress arrives, etc. Basically, as a guide, make sure that nothing is "revealed" in the article.
 * 18) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 23:39, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Far too much detail on the captured Rotta thing.
 * 20) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 23:39, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Not sure about the relevance of the soundtrack thing in the BTS. Thefourdotelipsis 09:12, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **I'm not sure; I felt it was needed since the track shared the same name, and it was specifically composed for the battle. If you still think it needs to go, I'll nuke it. I'll get to the others later today.  CC7567  (talk) 16:15, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***It can stay, I've just never seen it in a Battle article before. Thefourdotelipsis 23:46, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * TCW's first "official" nom after the duel was merged into the battle.  CC7567  (talk) 06:33, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nevermind; it's the second one, since Trayus nominated Nuvo Vindi. :P  CC7567  (talk) 06:35, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Ugor

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 02:02, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Greetings in the name of the Great Brophet Botib (may his membrane squish with zealous wrath for eternity!). It has come to our attention that your humbly insignificant little holosite has granted "Featured Articleness" to a biece of unabashed psychological warfare about the pseudobodia of the Anti-Brophet and Most Abominable Enemies to the System of Baradise and its sanctified denizens, the Ugors. After much debate in a joint session of the Holy Ugorian Fleet and the Sacred Office of Brobaganda and Fundraising, we hab decided not to turn our mighty dreadnoughts on your serbers. Instead, blease find our resbonse to said brebious biece of doggerel about said demonic agents. May the Beace of the Redeeming Cytoblasm of the Angel of Taxations and Imborts wash ober you. BulbSav, High Chablain of Incomes, Wages, and Tax Brackets, Most Holy Office of Intrasystem Rebenue and Beatitudes

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Better now after a thinking; I had trouble with 4D and the Technology quote. Sorry I cannot give you an Inqvote. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:27, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * Farl me, you lodds and azexual pdeacheds:
 * 1) * [An Ugor might] create several smiling mouths to placate a nervous customer. The first part is OK under biology; the second part, the reason moving Ugors to do so, should go under culture.
 * 2) * I've been told that double-linking should be avoided (Link once per intro, per main body, per infobox, in 1st mention). Squib is linked under Biology, Society (Not even the 1st mention in Society), History. Paradise system is not linked under society, but linked later under Institutions and again under History. Prime Mover is linked under Institutions and then under History (again, not 1st mention). Please revise.
 * 3) * Context for Ortolan and for "ugly". I suggest rewording the sentence about "ugly", as it apparently provides the context later.
 * 4) * Droids were regarded as "non-eaters" and thus forbidden aboard Ugorian vessels. Even with their potential as garbage? What does this sentence mean? Are droids considered mere items instead of people (which is the common view)? So droids were not admitted as garbage? What happens if an Ugor finds a droid in a wreckage? Would the droid be disconnected and taken to a vessel, or simply left behind? This apparently contradicts later utterance An additional fee might be levied for any droids in the party [wanting to enter an Ugor ship].
 * 5) * sometime between the battles of Yavin and Hoth. Context or replace with dates (0 BBY-3 ABY).
 * 6) * It was a short leap from eating garbage to worshipping it. Doesn't sound encyclopedic to me. Also, do Ugors leap?
 * 7) * The species eventually turned their archaic but formidable weaponry on the worlds of their system and methodically blasted them into rubble. Uh? Which species? Which system? Squibs, Ugors, Jawas? Who is doing what? Are the Ugors destroying Paradise system? And if they are, why?
 * 8) * The Almas event of 17 BBY is not referenced under History, only under Ugors in the Galaxy. I'd rather see the chronological events under the section for chronological events.
 * 9) * And one more: Is the Almas event related to the Elrood events? I agree not to include Almas (or Elrood) events under History, but at least I think each of those events deserve an individual paragraph, even if both are examples of "Other Ugors scavenged on the surface of worlds." Something like: "In another example of Ugors performing surface scavenging, other Ugor bands operateed on the planet Korad in the Elrood sector.
 * I, humbde believed, tank you vedimasch for youd jenedouz donazion to oud bedobed Hody WookieePdoject. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) **I've tried to address all of your points but these:
 * 2) ***I disagree that "placat[ing] a nervous customer" must necessarily go under "Society and culture". It's important to say that an Ugor can make many mouths, as it's a canonical example of something they can do, but a slight little mention of why they might do so shouldn't be forced out of the section simply because it's not biology per se.
 * 3) ****Ok.
 * 4) ***Can you clarify what you mean by "context" on "sometime between the battles of Yavin and Hoth"? This dating is explained in the footnote and is necessary due to the impreciseness of Scavenger Hunt.
 * 5) ****The reader is not neccessarily familiar with the timeframe of events using battles, particularly as there are several battles of Hoth (two of them after Operation: Skyhook; you should link to the one you're talking about). I think sometime between 0 BBY and 3 ABY is less ambiguous and provides a neutral reference (Ugors do not seem to be very impressed with the Galactic Civil War, not everybody is interested in battles). Although battles happen in a specific date, I don't think an event should be used instead of a numeric date when referring to a chronological moment: You don't say "I was born between the moment of the battle of Casinga and the debut of Garfield", but "I was born in 1978". IMHO.
 * 6) ***The Almas event isn't part of the Ugors' history except that a group of Ugors cleaned up after it. As this is the Ugors' modus operandi, I don't think it really belongs in their history.
 * 7) ****Roger, roger (Please, note I've added one new objection). And kudo again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:52, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****OK, fair points. I've given another shot at addressing your objections. By the way, what do you still object to with regard to droids, Ortolans, and "uglies?" ~ SavageBob 12:35, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ******Nothing against Ortolans and uglies after a second reading. But I still cannot reconcile the sentence about droids. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *******What can't you reconcile exactly? I'm confusing myself, I think! Basically, if you come to Paradise as a pilgrim, your droids must stay on the ship, since they are "non-eaters' and are thus not worthy to be pilgrims from the Ugors' perspective. You will also have to pay more for them to have free passage through the system. I would assume that droids would be allowed on Ugor ships as salvage, but no instance of this exists in any source, so it would be speculation to say as much. ~ SavageBob 13:17, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review! Very thorough. Let me know what you think about the few points of disagreement. ~ SavageBob 09:24, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Four Dot
 * 13) *Is the Ugor homeworld really "unknown," or is it just unidentified?
 * 14) *Even though I'm sure that's what is said in the original source, I'd suggest qualifying the use of the word "exotic," with "considered to be," as I'm sure they weren't exotic to themselves. :P
 * 15) *Tis all. Thefourdotelipsis 01:54, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Can you clarify what the difference would be between "unknown" and "unidentified"? I'm sure it's one or the other, but I'm not sure which! ~ SavageBob 14:22, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Unknown means that no one knows about it. :P Unidentified just means that it doesn't have a name. Thefourdotelipsis 23:42, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

500 Republica

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 07:33, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of HydroProject: The Homes of Palpatine.

(3 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Interesting article. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:21, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 08:08, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 23:57, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * "500 Republica was the most exclusive residential tower on Coruscant, a building in the Senate District of Galactic City that was home to some of the most wealthy and famous individuals in the Galactic Republic and Galactic Empire." - reads like Coruscant is the building in the Senate District.
 * 3) **Broken like the first arc of Legacy.
 * 4) * I'd mention the Ambassadorial Sector in the intro.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "The building was attacked by Separatist General Grievous during the battle, as part of his strike to kidnap Palpatine." - the ending should be reword to state that Grievous did in fact kidnap Palpatine; right now, it's kind of vague.
 * 7) **Clarified.
 * 8) * "A mountainous structure over a thousand stories tall, 500 Republica was taller than any of its neighbors and one of Coruscant's tallest buildings, rising above the clouds in an organically stepped fashion, and topped with a ring of penthouses and a narrow spire at its apex." - one too many forms of "tall," methinks.
 * 9) **It sure is! (Reworded.)
 * 10) * "...though Isard, Pestage, and even the captain of Palpatine's agreed with the Jedi that he needed to leave." - captain of Palpatine's what?
 * 11) **Guards. Fixed.
 * 12) * "Dyne and Valiant were not from again..." - word missing.
 * 13) **Added.
 * 14) * A question on the formatting of appearances. You have the TPM novel, comic, etc., listed underneath the link to the movie. However, I've seen them on one line separated by "/"s and listed individually. Is there a specific format with regards to this? If not, I think there should be one.
 * 15) **That's actually a new thing I'm trying. After the discussion here, I decided to try a new system that balanced putting the 1st template where it technically belongs, while making it less misleading and avoiding half a dozen "The Phantom Menace" entries. We really have no standard for this, but this is a compromise between the two you mention that I'm trying.
 * 16) *Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:27, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Fixed. - Lord Hydronium 05:57, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Stryfe

 * Nominated by:  Grunny  ( Talk ) 08:39, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Upgrading from GA to FA now that the Storms story arc is completed.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 07:50, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:11, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 02:12, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Not sure what your standing on this is, but in the intro, you might want to consider mentioning planets as, well, planets.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * "In that same year, after Krayt's Hands, Darth Nihl and Darth Talon, let former Jedi Cade Skywalker, who Krayt sought for his healing ability, escape the Sith Temple on Coruscant, Stryfe was named Krayt's new Hand to replace Nihl." Maybe use dashes somewhere? The flow is a bit awkward.
 * 5) **How's this? :)
 * 6) * Context definitely needed for Coruscant, both in the intro and body.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * "Darth Wyyrlok appeared, stopped the fight, and took Stryfe down to the chamber." Slightly choppy.
 * 9) **Hopefully less so now :-).
 * 10) * Stryfe's identification as male is currently only in the intro.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * Where was K'Kruhk at the time of his injury?
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * Context needed for Had Abbadon.
 * 15) **Done.
 * 16) * "Krayt must die" seems to be in the wrong tense. Maybe change it to "Krayt had to die", although I think it can be worded better.
 * 17) **Better?
 * 18) * Korriban needs context.
 * 19) **Done.
 * 20) * In the P&T, "brutal" is used twice; can one be changed?
 * 21) **Changed one.
 * 22) * "Stryfe was easily manipulated by Skywalker's taunts which infuriated him": rather awkward wording; please try to change if you can.
 * 23) **Changed it a little, see what you think :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Looking good.  CC7567  (talk) 07:46, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 26) * In the intro, I'm seeing an overuse of "Stryfe." Could you replace a few of these with pronouns?
 * 27) **Changed a few :).
 * 28) * Is Captain Meeshal specifically referred to as Stryfe's aid? If not, you should rephrase that.
 * 29) **Rephrased.
 * 30) * A bit more context on the Hidden Temple, please.
 * 31) **How's that?
 * 32) * Context on Darth Reave.
 * 33) **Contextified.
 * 34) * "During the attack, Reave had been bitten by an ancient and thought-to-be extinct form of Sithspawn&mdash;known as a rakghoul&mdash;while fighting Skywalker and his companions..." - I think it would be better if you reword this sentence to read "Reave had been bitten by a rakghoul&mdash;an ancient and thought-to-be extinct form of Sithspawn&mdash;while fighting..."
 * 35) **Indeed, reworded :-).
 * 36) * In the next paragraph, you mention Muur contacted Krayt. Was this via hologram, or through the Force?
 * 37) **Added "via hologram".
 * 38) *Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:19, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for the review, Tranner :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:06, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) The intro could be pared down a bit to be more proportional. Thefourdotelipsis 01:53, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Bhindi Drayson

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:05, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Wraiths return! A much shorter and cleaner nom than Lando, I promise.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 00:29, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:03, 17 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "Drayson was originally planned" is rather unclear; it's unclear about who planned what.
 * 3) **Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Drayson's species and homeworld are currently exclusive to the intro.
 * 5) **Homeworld was original research and was removed. Species is in the infobox. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *** Sorry, I meant that the species should also be in the body.  CC7567  (talk) 21:24, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****That's not really an FAN requirement, and I can give dozens of precedents for it not being labeled as such. While some authors choose to do so, and I think it's perfectly fine for them to do so, there's no hard and fast rule about that. For this article, I think it's rather pointless to do so. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:50, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****I'll strike it then; sorry, I didn't really realize that.  CC7567  (talk) 22:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Wedge Antilles' affiliation is somewhat unclear.
 * 10) **Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "One piece of equipment that Drayson brought on the mission was a number of surveillance droids disguised as fungi to collect and transmit data from Coruscant discreetly." "One piece" is singular, and yet "surveillance droids" is plural. Also, did "discreetly" apply to "collect", "transmit" or both?
 * 12) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "they were not immediately recognized as not being Yuuzhan Vong": rather awkward phrasing.
 * 14) **Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Bit unclear what "escaped cleanly" means.
 * 16) **Clarified. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "They made contact, meeting a group of people called the Walkway Collective and their leader, Tenga Javik." A bit choppy, especially since it was stated in the last sentence that they already planned to make contact.
 * 18) **Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "Drayson produced results, reassembling one of the destroyed medical droids": a bit unclear; the results themselves resembled destroyed medical droids, but it's unclear as to what the results were. Were they holograms?
 * 20) **Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "The Jedi were ultimately able to defeat Nyax, and met up with the Wraiths, before Loran and Skywalker flew Ugly Truth back to Borleias, where they rejoined the defense of the besieged garrison, which was ultimately abandoned by the New Republic after significant damage was inflicted to the Yuuzhan Vong attackers." Bit of a run-on; please check.
 * 22) **Fixed up. Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * CC7567  (talk) 08:44, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) Unsourced infobox items. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Epic fail on my part. Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) A mention in the bio of what her father (and, probably, her mother) did for a living would be nice, since it ties into Bhindi's eventual career path. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:11, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *Good idea. Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) I think you could stand to section off a part of the bio somewhere. You wouldn't get away with a chunk that big in a larger article. :P Thefourdotelipsis 01:55, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *Added two sections. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:22, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Sedriss QL

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 03:24, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of WP:NEGTC. I guess.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Damn Germans with their Fact Files.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:43, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) What is Floyd doing here?!?!?:
 * 2) * "As a Force-sensitive youth, Qaga Lok had been a mercenary, and at some stage he killed several Imperial officers." Doesn't flow well.
 * 3) **Tweaked slightly, let me know if it needs more.
 * 4) * Tell why the Inquisitorius took him away in the intro.
 * 5) **That's pretty much covered in the following sentences.
 * 6) Explain what Shadow Hand is in the intro.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * "Sedriss was also trained to utilize a lightsaber." I don't like how you have this end the paragraph. You basically explain what he did in training, and then end it with "Oh yeah, he can use a lightsaber too."
 * 9) **Tweaked.
 * 10) * "The Emperor also tasked his new Executor with ensuring that no supposedly loyal Imperial agency seize control of the Empire, should Palpatine die again." Reword, because the sentence sounds like Palpatine and the Emperor are two different people.
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * What do you mean by "arming the New Republic"? Was he giving them weapons?
 * 13) **Yes. I'm not sure what else it could mean.
 * 14) * In the first paragraph of the Balmorra section you use "return" multiple times. Vary it up a little bit.
 * 15) **Varied.
 * 16) * "In no time, he had already struck the adept down, before slaying Sa-Di." Reword. "In no time, he had already" doesn't really go together well.
 * 17) **Tweaked.
 * 18) * Why would the Emperor want Leia's child/to array the military against Luke?
 * 19) **Elaborated.
 * 20) *Good job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:57, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 04:28, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I almost forgot: credit goes to Borsk Fey'lya for the FF scans and translations. Thefourdotelipsis 05:39, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Darth Bandon

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:14, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is my first nom for an FA, wish me luck!

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Reviewed it on the GAN.  CC7567  (talk) 22:30, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:14, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 16:54, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) The nominator has worked diligently on bringing this up to Featured status requirements. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 10:32, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job! –<font color="#c00">Victor  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|15px|link=Category:Articles by Victor Dorantes]] ( talk page ) 01:44, 13 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * "In the tradition of the Sith Order, Malak sought a single learner among his followers to become his official apprentice, someone that could learn the Sith secrets and use them to effectively destroy the Jedi and the Republic." - the way it's worded makes it seem like this was after Revan's capture. Please reword.
 * 3) **OK, I actually put that whole sentence in the second paragraph, since no source it actually clear on when Bandon won Malak's admiration, whether Malak was searching for an apprentice before or after he took the mantle of Dark Lord. You can take a look at the Jedi Civil War section to see exactly what I did.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:52, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "Bandon seemed to hold contempt for the bounty hunter Calo Nord; before Bandon fought Revan, he had a brief conversation with the redeemed Jedi, in which he called the recently deceased Nord a "pathetic bounty hunter."" - what does this have to do with the P&T, exactly? It would work better in the bio.
 * 5) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:20, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "A picture of Darth Bandon in the campaign guide depicts him dueling the Cathar Jedi Juhani,[13] which could indicate that Juhani accompanied Revan when Bandon confronted him." - original research, as a potential duel between Bandon and Juhani could have theoretically happened at any time. Please remove.
 * 7) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:20, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Nice job. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:47, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) A review for you.
 * 10) *Infobox
 * 11) ** Grammar and grammar continuity; shouldn't "Formerly" be lowercase (under Affiliation section, appearing twice) because it's not a proper noun and not the beginning of a sentence (in this case, Jedi Order and Galactic Republic bullet points are)? You prove this by not capitalizing "as" before "as Darth Bandon".
 * 12) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Raiding the Endar Spire
 * 14) ** "the Republic captain, Carth Onasi" - His title is "Republic captain" and therefore the comma is unnecessary (and wrong in terms of grammar)
 * 15) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *'''The Search for Bastila and downfall"
 * 17) ** I think the header will read better if you remove "The" from it. Just a suggestion.
 * 18) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ** "the Shadow Hand presumed that Revan and his team would be no match for him, expressing his fear that someone else had killed the redeemed Jedi, thereby depriving Bandon the "pleasure" of slaying him." Okay, I had to read this about four times before getting what you meant. I think you should reword the part beginning with "expressing" to clearly state that he thought someone had killed Revan already before he could get to him. It's a bit confusing as it is right now, to me at least.
 * 20) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ** "calling him "pathetic", and stating that while Revan may have defeated Nord, that the former Dark Lord was no match for him" Does 'pathetic' really need apostrophes? It may be Bandon's POV but it is a fact that he said that. Also, the last part seems redundant since you already said Bandon stated Revan and his team were no match for him.
 * 22) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ** "quick and painful" I always found coding other than bold (in the intro) to be bad style and a bit prosey. I think that should be removed, as it reads fine without the italics and the context remains the same, but I don't know where (if at all) this objection stands on policy.
 * 24) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ** I think combining the last two sentences of the last paragraph in this section will help it read a lot better. Combine at "Revan and his companions, but, despite the Sith apprentice's skill, Bandon..." (You get it).
 * 26) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ** Side note, this file (which appears in the section below) is canon, therefore making it canon that Juhani fought Bandon. The only possible time this could've happened was when Revan and Bandon fought and the latter was killed, so couldn't it be stated that Juhani was a part of Revan's companions? Just asking.As well, shouldn't a "100% game completion" tag be attached to this article in appropriate sections? Seen some 100% game completion related stuff (such as Revan's dialogue about Trask - that is an option, not required to complete the game, and from the Personality section: "Both his lightsaber and armor might have been acquired by Revan after the redeemed Jedi killed him." Which is also if the player completes the game 100%...)
 * 28) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *BTS
 * 30) ** "A picture of Darth Bandon in the campaign guide depicts him dueling the Cathar Jedi Juhani." This sentence seems to fit better with the previous paragraph. Starting this second one with this fact is really random, as it does not connect with the following facts (continuity errors seems to be the theme).
 * 31) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ** Remove italics from "after" in "...Darth Bandon after escaping the Leviathan..." per my above objection.
 * 33) ***Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *That's it. Good read. –<font color="#c00">Victor  Redstarbird.svg ( talk page ) 08:02, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Four Dot
 * 36) *The intro is quite fat, and could do with some paring down. Basically, cut down on parts where you're going into too much detail.
 * 37) **I believe I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:07, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ***No, I think it needs a lot more than that. Basically, cut it down to about 2 paragraphs. And not 2 massive paragraphs, either. Thefourdotelipsis 23:11, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "When the Sith attacked the Jedi Knight Bastila Shan's ship, the Endar Spire, above the planet Taris, Bandon boarded the ship, with the Sith troopers and Dark Jedi under his command, to try and capture Shan." - Try and break this sentence up a bit.
 * 40) **I believe I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:07, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) *"He killed the Republic ensign, Trask Ulgo, who sacrificed himself to save Revan&mdash;who had been rescued by Shan after Malak's betrayal, and reprogrammed to be loyal to the Republic by the Jedi Council. - A tad unwieldly.
 * 42) **I believe I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:07, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***I'm not seeing any changes made there...? Thefourdotelipsis 23:11, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * "Revan and the Republic captain Carth Onasi fled aboard the ship's last escape pod, and crash-landed on Taris, where Shan's pod had also landed. Sometime after Taris' destruction, which Malak ordered in an attempt to destroy Shan, the bounty hunter Calo Nord was sent by Malak to capture Shan, who had escaped the planet through the efforts of Onasi and Revan." - This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about. You've got a fair portion of the intro where you're not talking about Bandon at all. This can all go.
 * 45) **I believe I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:07, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***You can still do without the mention of Nord's hiring, which will contribute to the cutting down of the intro. Thefourdotelipsis 23:11, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) *"Sometime after Malak ordered the destruction of Taris in an attempt to kill Shan, he was informed by the Sith Admiral Saul Karath and the bounty hunter Calo Nord, of Shan's escape from Taris. Malak hired Nord&mdash;who told the Dark Lord that his former Master, Revan, was not only alive, but had also assisted in Shan's escape&mdash;to find and capture Shan, stating that her companions meant nothing to him and that he wanted her alive. After Nord was killed by Revan, who had been retrained in the Jedi ways and commissioned by the Jedi Council on the planet Dantooine to find the Star Forge, Admiral Karath informed Malak of Nord's failure." - This is kinda irrelevant. Condense.
 * 48) **I believe I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:07, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ***I can't really see much of a change there. Thefourdotelipsis
 * 50) * "Bandon also mentioned the recently deceased bounty hunter Calo Nord, calling him pathetic, and stating that while Revan may have defeated Nord, that the former Dark Lord was no match for him." - Getting a bit too PBPish.
 * 51) **I believe I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:07, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Both his lightsaber and armor might have been acquired by Revan after the redeemed Jedi killed him." - You don't need to state this. Either he did or he didn't. It's worth a BTS note, maybe. Also, if you remove this, you can ditch the Gamemechanics template in the P/T.
 * 53) **I believe I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:07, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *Otherwise, fine. Thefourdotelipsis 09:32, 17 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kallidahin

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:10, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finding quotes for this article felt like doing it for Lobot's.

(0 Inqs/1 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) How do they eat? 17:28, 13 May 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Unfortunately, a quote-related objection. The quote in the "Biology and appearance" section is from Old Wounds, which is non-canon, hence the quote cannot exist in the main article.  01:43, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:18, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Yep. 17:28, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Can you cut down on multiple-reffing? Ie, if a fact is in two source, you only need to ref one of them. --Eyrezer 08:30, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *I'll second this, and also request that if you can, try and save your refs for the end of a sentence. At the moment it's quite difficult to read in places. Thefourdotelipsis 23:50, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *I don't want to remove multiple reffing; I really think the article needs it because: Source A specifies the signs used in their language while source B specifies the use of computers in their language but we need sources C and D to detail the telepathic part of the language &mdash; all of which should be covered in the same sentence for encyclopedic style. However, I understand the multiple[1][2][3][4][5][mambo] notes in quick succession is distracting. I propose a compromise: Keep the notes in mid-sentence but every time one note requires several sources, all of them will be referred with one single note, avoiding the ][ string. Eg: Note 36: Clone Wars Campaign Guide + The New Essential Guide to Alien Species. Deal?--Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:01, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **I don't know about Eyrezer, but I'm not really a fan of that solution. It just puts all the clutter in the Notes and references section, which isn't desirable. I'd rather have the multiple notes in the one section (Though I still can't see why you would need so many for just a few words,) and I think you will most definitely get away with putting all your references at the end of the sentences. Apart from when you think it might be particularly necessary to source a specific part of a sentence, you will be able to do it, and it will make things more readable for the reader, which is the most important thing. Thefourdotelipsis 23:34, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Four Dot
 * 9) * You don't need to provide any references for the name of the species in the infobox.
 * 10) **Done.
 * 11) * "If the Kallidahin were known for something in the galaxy, it was because of their compassion and kindness, even if they also practiced the virtue of discretion." - Bit conversational.
 * 12) **Reworded.
 * 13) *You can ditch the quote at the beginning of the "Order 66" section. It's got only limited relevance to Polis Massa, and no relevance to the Kallidahin.
 * 14) * Far too much context in the "Order 66" section. Pare it down, and make sure you're always keeping it relevant to the Kallidahin.
 * 15) **Done?
 * 16) *Quote at the start of the "Imperial Inquisition" section is unneeded and irrelevant.
 * 17) *Again, far too much context in the "Imperial Inquisition" section. You don't need to chronicle the history of Polis Massa, here. Cut it down.
 * 18) **Done?
 * 19) ***Could do with a bit more.
 * 20) *"Galactic Civil War" - Too much context, irrelevant quote.
 * 21) **Context: Done? Quote: Pending.
 * 22) ***Still needs more gone, particularly about the battle, especially since the Kallidahin weren't involved and weren't affected. This is more to do with the history of Polis Massa, than anything.
 * 23) *"Later conflicts" - Totally irrelevant quote.
 * 24) *"Kallidahin in the galaxy" - Irrelevant quote.
 * 25) * "Soon before the Clone Wars, Kallidahin exobiologists were sent to a different planet in the Subterrel sector to perform research. The local fauna included fierce predators, but the Kallidahin managed to keep them at bay using Kamino saberdarts they had obtain in their deals with the Kaminoans. Another traveler to the planet, a Besalisk known as Dexter Jettster, witnessed the use of the saberdarts and was impressed with them." - This shouldn't be in the history. Just have it in the "Kallidahin in the galaxy" section.
 * 26) **Moved.
 * 27) * File:Polegomassa.JPG is distorted.
 * 28) **Tried to improve it to the best of my knowledge. Is it enough now?
 * 29) * "Darth Maul noticed that the Kallidahin he killed were mute, meaning that Maneeli Tuun and Osh Scal were not killed by Maul in that continuity." - OR.
 * 30) **Removed.
 * 31) *"Referencing this plot, Darth Maul features as a "hero character" in the Polis Massa level of Star Wars: Battlefront II, but only as a gameplay trick and not as a part of the story." - OR.
 * 32) **Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro
 * 33) ***That's good, but I don't think the statement is particularly true: IIRC, you don't need some kind of "trick" to activate him, he's just the character who appears to fight for the CIS if you play that level with hero mode turned on. So it's not really an easter egg. Thefourdotelipsis 23:34, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *Otherwise, fine. Thefourdotelipsis 23:50, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Prepare to be Savaged...
 * 36) *This is a solid piece. There are a few things I think should be cleaned up, though:
 * 37) **No footnotes on the title of an infobox should be necessary. The stuff about their multiple names is better sourced in the body of the article.
 * 38) ***Done.
 * 39) **Growth rings: Can you provide a bit more context about what these are? I'm imagining that if you cut a Kallidahin in half, you'll see a ring inside for every year of its life. Is this the intention? It's confusing, since they're supposedly "surrounded by" the growth rings.
 * 40) ***OS says so; I'm as confused as you are.
 * 41) **There're some weasel words in the article that should be cleaned up if at all possible: "Certain sources suggested..." (Which sources specifically?) "The native Eellayin mysteriously vanished afterwards and were subsequently considered extinct." (Considered by whom?) "During the first days of the Alliance to Restore the Republic, probably around 2 BBY..." (Probably? Why?) "It is believed that the Empire raided the base repeatedly without success." (Believed by whom?) "It is unclear if any other side of the conflict ... saw otherwise." (Why is it unclear? Who says?)
 * 42) ***All of them reworded.
 * 43) **"Most Kallidahin were mujte due to a natural lack of vocal cords." If there were non-mute Kallidahin, please state so explicitly here in the biology section.
 * 44) ***Added. I still don't know why some of them are not mute: the source does not state that those Kallidahin do have vocal cords; they might speak through other means.
 * 45) **The quote in "Society and culture" is attributed to "Maneeli Tuun, methodical professional". I'm not sure what "methodical" is meant to convey here.
 * 46) ***Kallidahin are methodical, disciplined, careful and efficient (as said by sources); this quote reflects one Kallidahin who did his best to be all that. Methodical. Reworded, btw.
 * 47) **"They rejected direct confrontations . . . but they were nevertheless able to protect themselves and their culture in case of need." How?
 * 48) ***They are peaceful and so, and do not take the RPG class "Soldier", though they are perfectly capable of protecting themselves. Reworded, but I think I might have made it worse.
 * 49) **"The Kallidahin were hard workers, enjoying a full day of work commonly in the core of an asteroid field." This sentence is a bit confusing. Can you clarify?
 * 50) ***Reworded. Done?
 * 51) **"The majority of Kallidahin miners were seasoned spelunkers, and dug deep into the core of the asteroid to locate prize artifacts." What asteroid? I'm assuming Polis Massa, but can you clarify?
 * 52) ***Reworded.
 * 53) **"Other species began to speculate ... many other aliens believed that this drive was their real motivate." This pair of sentences is confusing. Can you clarify exactly who is believing what about whom?
 * 54) ***Reworded; pronouns replaced by "Kallidahin" or "other guys who are not Kallidahin". Done?
 * 55) **The paragraph about the finding of Wiyentaah seem out of place. Can the information be relocated to somewhere that discusses their excavations, rather than sandwiching it between discussion of their xenobiology interests and droid construction?
 * 56) ***Moved.
 * 57) **Over all, the history is way too long and includes way too much non-essential background. Think about the history section as "history from the Kallidahin's point of view" and remove any information that they wouldn't have known (or cared) about, and rewrite those bits that they do know about from their point of view. Remember, this is the history of the Kallidahin, not the history of Pollis Massa, and certainly not the history of Luke and Leia's birth.
 * 58) ***Tried my best (Yoda communed with Jinn's ghost in Polis Massa, but that might not be important for the Kallidahin).
 * 59) **"Jedi ... were known to have trusted this pro-establishment Kallidahin." Pro-establishment of what?
 * 60) ***Establishment = Old Republic. Changed to "firm ideals".
 * 61) **If non-canonical material is going to be included in the "Behind the scenes" section, it would be better to recast it completely in out-of-universe perspective so it's not such a stylistic disconnect. I'd really like to see this part rewritten if possible...
 * 62) ***Reworded.
 * 63) **What is meant by "gameplay trick"?
 * 64) ***Easter egg. Changed and moved.
 * 65) *Good job over all, and I hope to see this get featured before long! ~ SavageBob 01:32, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) **No, I think this will take long; longer than Ugor at the very least, I hope.
 * 1) Consider using the tag on the non-canon appearances in the "Appearances" section rather than the heading "Non-canon appearances." The latter are more elegant and less distracting in my opinion. ~ SavageBob 01:32, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I believe we previously voted to keep them separate in the appearances section, as non-canon works do not fit on the main timeline, and are more quickly identified with the subheading.
 * 3) *What he said.
 * 4) Are there any concept sketches of the species available? I'd rather see something like that as an illustration of the "Behind the scenes" section than the Lego image, but that's just my personal preference. ~ SavageBob 01:32, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Yes there are, but I thought and still think that Polegomassa is the best choice to illustrate BtS. The concept art would provide little to the article. Another option I considered for that was the panel from the comic adaptation that did not include Polis Massans, to stress a BtS point. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:13, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Mad About Me

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 07:17, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I hope you like BTSes.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) The music built to a spiraling crescendo, a triumphant finale that seemed to echo throughout the galaxy. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:03, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 23:48, 13 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy likes BTS and provides BuTS:
 * 2) * Can't you provide a single in-universe quote?
 * 3) **No, there aren't any. - Lord Hydronium 07:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Suggestion: Empire Blues: The Devaronian's Tale is told in first person. Thus: "For the life of me it seemed the universe had conspired to keep me from enjoying the music. First the band squabbled with each other, and then when they, finally got going, with a nice upbeat rendition of "Mad About Me," some old fool chopped up another fool- with a lightsaber, of all frozen things-and interrupted it."

- Labria . Accept or reject this proposal, and then I'll strike this objection.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:49, 8 May 2009 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) ***Our quote CT, though, says that only things that are explicitly labeled as spoken or written dialogue can be quotes. Unlike, say, I, Jedi, we have no evidence that Empire Blues is anything but Labria's thoughts, so his narration wouldn't be an acceptable quote. - Lord Hydronium 07:59, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ****Anything in first person would automatically be IU, though, so there's no reason it couldn't be. Kardue'sai'malloc uses it like that. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:15, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *****This is the CT I'm referring to. Since it's not spoken dialogue, this would apply - "Text that is clearly presented within the confines of someone's memoirs, journal, or diary" - except Empire Blues isn't clearly presented as such. It's first-person, but there's no sign of whether it's his personal thoughts or an actual statement he's making. - Lord Hydronium 21:35, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Could we get some audio file? I was thinking of a low-quality recording of the first few seconds, ogg extension. But I'll settle with a reasonable argument about why it cannot be done.
 * 5) **Low-quality ogg of the first few seconds added. - Lord Hydronium 09:33, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Thank you. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:30, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Aziz
 * 8) *Should we mention the "Play that same song again" skit from Family Guy: Blue Harvest in BTS?
 * 9) *I have a feeling this is/was a playable tune for the "Entertainer" class of players in Star Wars Galaxies, but i'm not subscribed to the game any more to check it out myself.
 * 1,008 words as of now. - Lord Hydronium 07:17, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

First Battle of the Graveyard

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 20:02, 09 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:I nominated this a long time ago, and to say the least, it went terribly. Hopefully this time, it doesn't go so badly. :)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 19:58, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:22, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 23:37, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * Before I even review it, the infobox needs to be sourced. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:06, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Sourced and addressed Kilson Likes PIE 01:00, 09 May 09 (UTC)
 * 4) * You could also probably get rid of the Dark Force Rising ref. You could easily source the "of Alderaan" part to the game itself. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:46, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Sorry, I was trying to source the fact that Bail was the Viceroy of Alderaan. I moved the references a little to make it clearer. Kilson Likes PIE 22:44, 11 May 09 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Really, you don't even need a ref for it, especially since Dark Force Rising has nothing to do with this battle. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:47, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****OK, it is gone, thanks for the advise. Kilson Likes PIE 02:11, 12 May 09 (UTC)
 * 8) * And one final objection: I'm pretty sure the "Victory-class Star Destroyers" that you mention are really similarly-named Victory II-class frigates. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:49, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Changed
 * 10) Xicer
 * 11) *I'm pretty sure Han wasn't a General until Return of the Jedi.
 * 12) **That's what I thought, but in the game, he's called General.
 * 13) ***Well, I highly doubt he would've gotten a General's commission right after he joined the Alliance. I'm more inclined to think its a pet name his squadron calls him by, since most other sources concerning Renegade Squadron refer to him as Commander. I think you should at least change General to Commander to remove any confusion.
 * 14) ****Well, it was General while being a GA and nobody had a problem with it, and I think it would better to go with what canon says, not what we think. Kilson Likes PIE 02:59, 09 May 09 (UTC)
 * 15) *****The only time I heard him referred to as General was in the opening cutscene, which takes place well after the Battle of Endor. Either way I think its best that the title not be used at all so it doesn't conflict with pre-existing canon.
 * 16) ******I guess you're right, I got rid of all of the references to General I could find in the article. If you find any more, feel free to get rid of them.
 * 17) * "While on the planet, the Renegade were by IG-88 and Imperial forces." There's a word missing somewhere in there.
 * 18) *Good job. Xicer9 atgar.svg( Combadge) 20:47, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Sorry, missed that when I was doing a reader through. I addressed it. Thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 01:00, 09 May 09 (UTC)
 * 20) Should it be "The Graveyard," capital T? I don't think it should, and the Graveyard article doesn't capitalise it. Please check canon and move/change article if necessary. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:50, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *It was the, CC changed it. Kilson Likes PIE 02:45, 09 May 09 (UTC)
 * 22) Since you got off IRC before I could post them
 * 23) * The sentence starting with "In the months following..." is a bit choppy; the fleet is under command of Solo, but it's also centered around Renegade Squadron, so it's a bit confusing and also a run-on.
 * 24) * Unclear as to where specifically Fett tried to steal the holocron. It sounds like he stole it aboard his ship, and if it's that, it's not established that Renegade Squadron was on his ship in the first place.
 * 25) * "Advised about" needs to be reworded.
 * 26) * "General Solo and his Wookiee co-pilot, Chewbacca, launched the Millennium Falcon": launched from where?
 * 27) * "eventually causing enough damage to Slave I that it forced Fett to leave the battle and jump to hyperspace. This forced the Imperials to retrieve the holocron themselves." The word "forced" is used twice; please diversify word choice.
 * 28) **"made...have to" is extremely awkward; please reword.
 * 29) ***How about now.
 * 30) * "to take care of" is too colloquial.
 * 31) * "With the way clear to leave": please reword.
 * 32) **I didn't mean the sentence; this specific phrase needs rewording, and it hasn't changed. Please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 18:11, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Sorry, how about now?
 * 34) * "Ackbar was able to examine the holocron for prospective worlds to act as a new Rebel base." Infinitive verbs ("to ") are excessively used twice; please reword.
 * 35) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 04:13, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) **Addressed, thanks again for the review CC. Kilson Likes PIE 16:42, 09 May 09 (UTC)
 * 37) IFYLOFD:
 * 38) *Mention that the Graveyard was the remains of Alderaan, since you don't directly state it in the intro.
 * 39) *Context on the Death Star in the intro.
 * 40) *"The Rebels were able to defeat the Fett," The Fett? Did you mean to say "the bounty hunter" or just "Fett"?
 * 41) *Why were the Rebels forced to retreat from Yavin? If there's a battle article for it, link to it.
 * 42) **Um... there already is, the Fifth Battle of Yavin 4
 * 43) *Any quotes for the sections in the main body?
 * 44) *"Ackbar hoped that the Alliance could find the holocron and hopefully obtain from it the information concerning a location for a new base for the Alliance." Remove, since this is already stated in that section.
 * 45) *Could use a good copyedit. I've fixed what I've seen, but I think you should go through it for good measure.
 * 46) *Give the result of the Rebels' clash with IG-88.
 * 47) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:17, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **I did another copyedit, and I addressed all your objections. Thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:01, 09 May 09 (UTC)
 * 49) Four Dot
 * 50) * The intro is disproportionally big. Pare it down a bit.
 * 51) **I tried to shorten it a little, but the context I needed to give kind of blows it up.
 * 52) * "The First Battle of the Graveyard was a space battle between the Alliance to Restore the Republic and the Galactic Empire in the Graveyard, the asteroid remains of Alderaan after it was destroyed by the Death Star—an Imperial superweapon strong enough to destroy a planet—during the height of the Galactic Civil War in 0 BBY." - This is a bit unwieldy.
 * 53) * "When the Renegades found the holocron, Fett tried to steal it by engaging the Rebels in a dogfight aboard his personal vessel, Slave I." - How can you have a dogfight aboard a vessel?
 * 54) *That's all. Thefourdotelipsis 23:28, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) **Thanks for the review. Check now. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 18 May 09 (UTC)

Lanu Pasiq

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 08:07, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of FourDotProject: Evasive Action.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:04, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:46, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:19, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Any more quotes to be found?
 * 3) **None that are particularly interesting. It's usually just "Lanu, check this" or something. She doesn't speak much either.
 * 4) * "Their binders, and Vader moved to engage the entire group at once in combat." Please check this sentence.
 * 5) **Whoops. Fixed.
 * 6) * "and that he had a fellow Jedi fugitive in Zonder": needs a bit of rewording; "had" should be replaced with something more specific and less awkward.
 * 7) **Tweaked.
 * 8) * "Tremayne attempted to capture Sonta at the apartment of the Omwati couple, but he failed the in the process": please check. Also, "he failed in the process" is rather awkward wording; it's either he failed or didn't, but not "in the process".
 * 9) **Fixed.
 * 10) * "Ekria and Sonta, whose name had been identified as a cover for his true identity, Drake Lo'gaan, chose that moment to escape aboard a airspeeder." Please check this again. It's unclear whose name was identified (was it Sonta); also, do you mean "Ekria, Sonta, and Lo'gaan"?
 * 11) **Shifted the exposition totally.
 * 12) * "The chase was joined by three V-wing starfighters": bit awkward wording.
 * 13) **Tweaked.
 * 14) *Looks good.  CC7567  (talk) 19:54, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 22:31, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Raid on Ziro's Palace

 * Nominated by:  JMAS  Hey, it's me!
 * Nomination comments: Now that I got my feet wet, I've diving in.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) How could I not? :P  CC7567  (talk) 04:50, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Four Dot
 * 2) *"After Senator Padmé Amidala informed her protocol droid, C-3PO, that she had been captured and detained at Ziro the Hutt's palace for discovering the Hutt's affiliation with Count Dooku, leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems." - This sentence doesn't quite work.
 * 3) **Wow, should've caught that one. Removed the "After". -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *"Using Ziro's comm equipment, the senator was also able to communicate with Jabba the Hutt, who had been ignoring communications from the Republic during this time due to his mistaken belief that the Republic intended to wipe out his entire clan, allowing her to prove that the Republic was not plotting against Jabba by exposing Ziro's hand in the true plot against him, masterminded by Dooku." - A tad unwieldy. Condense, split, at your discretion.
 * 5) **Done. Split it up. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *A little bit too much detail on Padmé's actions in the prelude section. Give more of an overview.
 * 7) **Changed it up some. How's it look now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *"After a blaster bolt flew by his head and hit the wall behind him," - But too PBP.
 * 9) **Reworded it. How's that look now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *"With a great deal of sarcasm in her voice, Amidala told Ziro she did believe him." - Also too PBP.
 * 11) **Removed it. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Otherwise fine. Thefourdotelipsis 00:55, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 01:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Teth

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:29, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The second (and admittedly, much more tedious) part of TCW film.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Ranulph Tarkin

 * Nominated by: Havac 07:34, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I think we decided he was an uncle or something. Havac 07:34, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Gideon Tarkin

 * Nominated by: Havac 23:44, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Well, isn't it just Tarkin Time. And yes, it's over 1000 words. Havac 23:44, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:00, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:06, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:07, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy studying Gideon:
 * 2) * The word "brigadier" is not linked in its first appearance.
 * 3) **Now it is. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Tarkin reached the rank of brigadier before retiring to enter government on Eriadu. Brigadier Tarkin [then] served as the Minister If he retired as brigadier, why is he still called Brigadier? There are canon precedents of retired officers who stopped using their rank as a norm. If Gideon used it honorifically or metaphorically (like self-proclaimed General Ranulph), this might deserve a mention: "retiring to enter government on Eriadu; he nevertheless was still addressed as Brigadier Tarkin".
 * 5) **Retired officers are frequently referred to by their rank, both in canon and the real world. It's not really notable that people still called him Brigadier Tarkin; besides, while he obviously wasn't in centralized government service, we don't really know that he wasn't a brigadier in the local Eriadu security forces or something while he served. It would be going out too far on a limb. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***But he was called Brigadier after resigning, true? I mean, sources describing him after that event called him Brigadier? Please double-check it and this objection goes. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:01, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****I've slightly clarified the language and stripped it down the bare minimum of what we know. We have Tarkin in the military. We have Tarkin called "Brigadier Tarkin," and serving as Minister of Security for Eriadu, which would not be a Republic military position. We then have him serving in the Republic military once more during the Clone Wars, as a Brigadier, and immediately swearing allegiance to the Empire, under which he was still known as Brigadier Tarkin and his military accomplishments were respected, and he died in some type of mutiny, but we really don't have any details on his Imperial military service. Havac 19:08, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * What are priority theaters and why is the term in inverted commas? Can you shed any light on that?
 * 9) **That's all there is in the NEC, and that's the way it is in the NEC. It's apparently a term coined in conjunction with Tarkin's action, but we really don't know what it means, other than the fact that the fleets go grouped together. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * As Wilhuff rose through the ranks of the Empire, eventually becoming a Grand Moff, Tarkin found himself outshone Maybe replace "Tarkin" with "Gideon Tarkin"? Just to avoid confusion.
 * 11) **Changed. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Can't you write at lenght a little bit under P&T ?
 * 13) **Not really. The guy exists solely as a set of minimal sourcebook references and a pair of quotes. I was lucky to get any kind of P&T material at all, unfortunately. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * I guess a BTS reference to the probable etymology of his name is out of question.
 * 15) **I'm not sure what probably etymology you mean, but I tend not to be fond of the pure-speculation "was probably named after such-and-such a thing with a similar name" or "it means something in Swahili" entries. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * The "Imperial Academy" mentioned under BTS might not be an error if it is not specifically an Academy of the Galactic Empire. The name might refer to another empire existing under the Republic, such as Empress Teta's or the Tapani Empire - and thus be a different center. I strongly believe we should try to not say "This OOU author made a mistake, look".
 * 17) **Except there is no "Imperial Academy" that we know of except a long string of consistent timeline-off references to Imperial officers attending the Imperial Academy, which is an extant institution that's just suffering from timeline errors. It's no different from when we get references to "Bob served in the Imperial Fleet for forty years" as of ANH -- we know it's a timeline mistake, and he served in the Republic for some time; we don't assume there was some other totally different Imperial Fleet he was in and then he switched. It can be taken out if you really feel strongly about it, but it's a pretty clear reference to the Imperial Academy that we know, and not a brand new one by the same name. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Have you scheleduled Rivoche's FAN? ;) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:12, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **jSarek already wrote her article up -- poke him to nom it. Havac 18:25, 12 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Abregado

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: TCW; not much more to say. Turned out longer than I expected.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments
 * At c. 1,600 words, not as long as the others, but still a bit long.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

Rulf Yage

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:50, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wookieepedia's Father of the Year for 137 ABY.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Gha Nachkt

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:27, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This droid is worth more, I get paid more.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) The clone
 * 2) * A note for the future: I'm seeing several unnecessary capitalizations. Titles are not capitalized unless they address the person bearing the title, i.e. "General Grievous" (and "the General of the Confederacy, Grievous" is an incorrect capitalization). I've changed them; please address in future noms.
 * 3) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I believe you misunderstood what I meant. "General Grievous" is fine, but "the General of the Confederacy, Grievous", is not. I've corrected this, but please refer to the Manual of Style more in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *I'm noticing both overlinking and underlinking throughout the article. Articles need to be linked once they first appear, and at no other points unless extremely necessary. Also, several links were to redirects; please try to link to the articles themselves, not redirect pages. I corrected what I saw, but please go through the article again.
 * 6) **Care to point out what's left, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***There's nothing I can really say except to please run through it again. I'll go through it when I review it with more scrutiny soon, but for now, all I can say is to check it. There's not any specific advice I can give for this; it would be better if you can correct.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * In the infobox, the episode isn't the best source for Nachkt's species. I would recommend changing it to the episode guides (if they have it) or the Visual Guide.
 * 9) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "During the Clone Wars" is used twice in the intro; way too redundant. I would suggest removing context for the war, as it's a bit unneeded at this point.
 * 11) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Remains" of what?
 * 13) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *"Nachkt worked with the foreman of a former Republic commerce guild, the Techno Union, Wat Tambor, at one point in time." Context messes this up; please at least remove the context for the Techno Union to make it flow better.
 * 15) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Still there; please just remove the context for the Techno Union. It's not appropriate at this point, since the current sentence flow is extremely choppy.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Argente was affiliated with the Techno Union? Factual error, I believe. He was the Corporate Alliance Magistrate; I haven't seen anything to prove that he was affiliated otherwise.
 * 18) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "Nachkt’s scavenging meant": scavenging can't "mean" anything unless he analyzed it; please reword.
 * 20) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "Nachkt’s scavenging meant he found an astromech droid belonging to the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. Nachkt resolved to sell R2-D2, the droid": awkward wording. Please mention that R2-D2 was the astromech droid when you mention the droid the first time.
 * 22) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * In the intro, didn't Tambor anticipate that Argente would go to Nachkt to buy a droid, and isn't that why he hired Nachkt?
 * 24) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Why did Skywalker and Tano go to the Vulture's Claw?
 * 26) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * It seems to me as though Nachkt never identified R2 by name. It's fine to mention R2-D2 as the droid's name when he's first mentioned, but I believe that "the droid" or "the astromech droid" would be more appropriate throughout the article, because using R2's name implies that Nachkt knew it. Whether or not he knew it, he didn't use it.
 * 28) **I hardly see it as implying that. It merely dictates the specific name of "the droid" in question, rather than implying anything Nachkt did or did not do. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *"Nachkt was approached by the Skakoan Foreman of the Techno Union, a commerce guild affiliated with the Confederacy, Wat Tambor." Same context issue as before; also, unless it's really necessary, Tambor's species doesn't need to be in there.
 * 30) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ***No, this still remains, and as before, now the context for the Techno Union is mentioned twice. Please check over the article more carefully when you're addressing these objections.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * I'm noticing throughout the article that you're saying a person's title and then identifying them by name in the next sentence or so. Please correct this, as it's not very clear why it needs to be this way.
 * 33) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *It's unclear why Nachkt's scavenging is mentioned after his deal with Tambor; wasn't he a scavenger prior to then? Also, there's no evidence to suggest that it took place this early; as far as we know, it took place shortly before Argente arrived.
 * 35) **Actually, there's no canon evidence to dictate when this deal happened, or when the meeting occurred chronologically. Therefore, we must go by what's likely; such a deal would have had to have been prepared, therefore we must assume the deal was made prior to the Battle of Bothawui.. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ***You are correct. However, it was already established that he was a smuggler. I don't believe he turned into a scavenger just for the Battle of Bothawui, because that's currently what the chronological order implies. Please establish the base of his persona before stating specific events that he participated in.  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * "Nachkt would search": inappropriate verb tense; bit confusing.
 * 38) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "During the Battle of Bothawui, another battle between the Confederacy and the Republic in the Clone Wars": "another" shouldn't be used here, because there hasn't been any other battle stated in the article.
 * 40) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * "in the conflict" is unclear, because it implies that it applied to the Clone Wars itself.
 * 42) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *"Despite R2 being just a droid": "just", as a verb, needs to be replaced with a noun for this to work.
 * 44) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ***No, this is still there. The sentence doesn't work if a noun doesn't follow "despite".  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *Why was Skywalker required to wipe the droid's memory?
 * 47) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Yes, but why was he required to hide information from the Confederacy? Specifically, who required him to do this?  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * Correction: Grievous was a cyborg, not a droid. I've reworded the sentence anyway, but please keep this in mind.
 * 50) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) *"After Nachkt had got R2": colloquial; also, does this really need to be in there?
 * 52) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ***I meant that the phrase itself is unnecessary. It's already been stated that Nachkt had possession of the droid, and restating it is just redundant.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *"Argente felt that the Clone Wars were going badly for the Confederacy, and the Confederacy were looking for a scapegoat. He felt that Tambor wanted to make Argente the scapegoat, and so wanted a droid to spy on Tambor.": This can be shortened, as it applies more to Argente than Nachkt.
 * 55) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) ***This can still be shortened more.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *It needs to be stated earlier that Tambor gave Nachkt the protocol droid; wasn't that part of Tambor's plan?
 * 58) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) ***I haven't seen any change in this; please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "When the two Jedi came on board the Vulture's Claw to search for R2-D2, Nachkt hid Skywalker's astromech droid, instead escorting them to another area of the ship whilst he hid the droid." So Nachkt hid the droid twice?
 * 61) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * Where did Skywalker search for his droid with Tano?
 * 63) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "After arriving at Grievous' rendezvous point, Nachkt began to reveal the droid's secrets to the General." Please clarify why this is here. I haven't been given any reason to believe that Nachkt was "revealing the droid's secrets" to Grievous when he arrived. If you mean that Grievous ordered him to take apart R2, please either move this down to where it chronologically happens or remove it.
 * 65) * "and take the information from him and give it to the general": so Nachkt was stealing R2's memory? Again, I haven't been given a reason to believe this; please reword.
 * 66) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) * "information which Skywalker felt would be devastating to the Republic in the hands of the Confederacy": well, yes, it was implied, but wasn't Kenobi the one who specifically mentioned this? I would recommend just removing Skywalker in this sentence, as I'm quite sure many Republic officials and Jedi would agree with this, not only Skywalker.
 * 68) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) * "Nachkt, having been working on taking the droid apart": please change verb tense to something more appropriate.
 * 70) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) *"as the droid was worth more to the general": really? I believe it would be more appropriate to say that Grievous himself stated this.
 * 72) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ***Nevermind; please just reword this and mention that Grievous found the information more valuable than what he originally thought.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) *Is the P&T quote really appropriate? I don't find that a lack of personal hygiene entirely dictates one's personality.
 * 75) **Well, any quote can only cover so far. I mean, one quote can cover perhaps one aspect of a personality, and this is one aspect of a personality covered by one quote. "He's a typical smuggler - prone to lying" as a completely made up quote would only cover the aspect of lying in a character's personality. Same here, but with a different aspect. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ***I don't understand what you're saying; yes, you're correct in that a quote can only cover one aspect of someone's personality, but the flatulence quote is just unnecessary and inappropriate here. The P&T quote should highlight the most important aspect of his personality (or at least a more important one), and flatulence does not fall in that category. A lack of hygiene implies a lack of care for oneself, yes, but it is not essentially part of the personality.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) * Nachkt's lack of care for "withholding his flatulence" needs a source; the episode isn't a source.
 * 78) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * The flatulence is rather overly embellished upon. Is a few sentences (vs. one sentence) really necessary to be dedicated to one's hygiene rather than one's personality?
 * 80) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) *"Nachkt was liable to lie and hide things from people if he felt being honest would mean he would loose any merchandise he would otherwise be able to sell." A few things:
 * 82) ** This sentence is choppy and needs rewording.
 * 83) ** "Liable" isn't an appropriate choice of words; it's usually "liable to experience something", not "liable to commit something".
 * 84) ***Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) *"when they came searching for him": colloquial; please mention the Vulture's Claw somewhere in there.
 * 86) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) ***Please check this again; both objections still remain. It's still colloquial, and the Vulture's Claw still needs to be mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * "Nachkt was also somewhat greedy": it's either he was or he wasn't; don't leave room for speculation. Didn't his ability to be bribed by Argente further prove this? Also, that ability to be bribed needs to be mentioned here in the P&T.
 * 89) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * "In both episodes, the webcomic and in the series of The Clone Wars in general, Nachkt is the only character to be prone to such flatulence as he is." This is too trivial and is in need of a nuking.
 * 91) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * The episodes aren't sources for the tradition of a Trandoshan having three fingers.
 * 93) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * "The seats of Nachkt’s ship, Vulture’s Claw, are similar in design to those in the Millenium Falcon, the ship owned by the smuggler Han Solo." If anything, this should have been mentioned in the ship's article; however, this is too trivial as well to be worth a mention.
 * 95) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *Please just go through this article and improve things in general. Awkward wording seems to be prominent where better wording could be used, and less colloquial wording can be used in multiple places. Good luck with these. I'll take another look once they're addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 05:32, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) *"Gha Nachkt, as a Trandoshan, had a distinct lack of personal hygiene in comparison with what humans and other sentients such as Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano deemed to be civilized." First of all, Skywalker and Tano's reactions in the episode are not a source of their beliefs on civility. Also, the "Trandoshan trend" of a lack of personal hygiene requires a source.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Lorn Pavan

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:05, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Took me long enough...

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:39, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) There is no info in the "Legacy" section about when Jax Pavan sees the holographic message left by Lorn in I5, in Pattens of Force --Jinzler 21:29, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Good catch. Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:21, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Aaris III

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 22:09, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: DarkStryder comes back to haunt the FAN page ...

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Tydirium

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 23:09, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Fresh off the GAN page!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Katuunko

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 04:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:This took me way longer than it should have.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 02:53, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * I'm unsure if "Jedi negotiator" is the best choice for context for Yoda; it might be better to state that he was the Grand Master, because I don't believe a negotiator was his official title.
 * 3) **Changed.
 * 4) * The intro can be expanded a bit more, re: Katuunko's reaction to the events taking place on Rugosa.
 * 5) **Expanded a bit.
 * 6) * I don't believe it was specifically stated in Prelude that Katuunko was hesitant to join the Confederacy; this needs a different source.
 * 7) **Resourced.
 * 8) * "The Chancellor agreed; however, Katuunko was still unwilling to negotiate unless the Republic emissary was a member of the Jedi Order": a bit awkward wording, because it wasn't stated specifically that this was also a reason Katuunko did not originally wish to negotiate with the Republic; it seemed to be more of an added request.
 * 9) **Reworked.
 * 10) * "Interrupt" is a bit awkward word choice; yes, Ventress did indeed interrupt negotiations between Katuunko and the Republic, but I don't believe that it was her real purpose.
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * Why did Katuunko protest the contest?
 * 13) **Specified.
 * 14) * "Ventress received regular updates on the mission from her droid commander, OOM-224, while Master Yoda would periodically contact the King. Katuunko repeatedly debated with Ventress on the likelihood of Yoda's success, angering her until she eventually destroyed his communicator with her bare hand." These sentences overall is rather broadened instead of being centered to the specific events.
 * 15) **While I agree that it is vague, adding in specifically what Yoda and OOM-224 reported on would only add to the dialogue issue you point out in your next objection.
 * 16) * I'm noticing that the dialogue is just a bit excessive; try to see if you can cut it down a bit.
 * 17) **See above. And if this objection stands, can you point out exactly where?
 * 18) * Specifically when did Ventress break the terms of the competition?
 * 19) **Specified.
 * 20) ***I believe it was specifically when Ventress ordered the droidekas to reinforce the tanks; I added it in.  CC7567  (talk) 02:53, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Can it be stated earlier that Ventress was a Dark Acolyte?
 * 22) **In the intro and first section.
 * 23) * "as he wished to see a show of both force and faith from the Confederacy and Republic": "force and faith" are a bit awkward wording; also, it's unclear why he wanted to see faith, because he wasn't yet allied with the Republic or the Confederacy.
 * 24) **The faith part was in his databank entry, and unspecified. I've ommitted it for now.
 * 25) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 06:00, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thank you. :) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:38, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

YV-100 light freighter

 * Nominated by: 16:00, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:From GA probation to FAN.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Unidentified YV-100, this is Farlstendoiro. Do not take off, repeat, do not take off
 * 2) *However, the YV-100 freighter offered was a modified craft; it wasn't until another RPG supplement, this time on Corellian Engineering Corporation products, was written by Owen K.C. Stephens and published in Star Wars Gamer 2. I think the second sentence needs some more words, something like "that the stats for an un-modified YV-100 were known", if you see what I mean.
 * 3) **I do see what you mean, and I have appropriately added such words. Good catch.
 * 4) *Can you provide a timeframe for the events under "Role"? The mission to Myrkr must have happened around 26-27 ABY, I guess; and I think we had decided Tempest Feud happened between 53 BBY and 18 BBY.
 * 5) **Well, I'm not sure if there's a standard for mentioning such a broad span of time (as in the case of the Tempest). I'm willing to put it in there, but I'd need some Inq input either way. I did clarify the other part (about Myrkr) by making sure I mentioned that it was during the Yuuzhan Vong War. If that's not specfific enough I'll toss the years in that mention too.
 * 6) *Otherwise fine. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:31, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the read/review! 23:49, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Palleus Chuff

 * Nominated by:  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk  11:20, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments