Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Noval Garaint


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nominated.  Greyman ( Paratus ) 18:05, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) Imperialles 18:17, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 21:33, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 4) Thefourdotelipsis 23:40, 17 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 5) Tocneppil 09:59, 18 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 6) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:57, 20 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 7)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:19, 20 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 8) Good work, good article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:31, 22 November 2007 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The first sentence in the Bio section is a run-on. There are also some grammatical errors/missing words in there. Instead of "upcoming," it should prob be "up and coming." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) *Meh, I broke it up. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) The phrase "content in the knowledge" is poor. Try for something like "content with knowing." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 4) *I wouldn't say it is "poor", in my opinion. Regardless, I changed it to get rid of the objection. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 5) The phrase "would ultimately not escape death" is poor. Something more simple, like "would ultimately die," or "would not escape alive" would be better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 6) *Same thing I said above. Changed. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 7) The phrase "Following this event, Garaint went to Horch's palace, which had been the subject of an Imperial barrage," is repetative. The palace being under attack was already mentioned in the previous paragraph. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 8) *Re-worded. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 9) Introducing the Imperial officer simply as "The Imperial officer" is vague, since he has not been introduced previously. The word "the" implies we know who he is. Either introduce him better ("The Imperial officer in charge of the invasion"), or say "An Imperial officer." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 10) *...Re-worded. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 11) In the first sentence of the "Crime lord" section, "crime empire" should be "criminal empire." You might even want to specify that it is "Horch's criminal empire." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 12) *Changed. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 13) Same thing in the next paragraph. "Crime organization" should be "criminal organization." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 14) *Changed. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 15) The sentence, "Garaint made this decision due to the fact that he did not want it publicly known that he was in charge, and also to help preserve his identity which was a closely guarded secret to him," is poorly written. "Due to the fact" would prob be better served as simply "because." There's no reason to include "to him" at the end of the sentence. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 16) *Meh, I personally like it, as did others who read it, and I don't think it is "poorly written". Regardless, I changed it to address this objection. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * 17) The line, "Garaint's control as a crime lord also fostered improved relations with the Empire, who often harassed such criminal operations," is grammatically incorrect. The Empire isn't a person. It should say, "with the Empire, which often harassed" Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Eh, changed. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:15, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * All of this stuff could have easily been fixed within the amount of time it took for you to write it out here ;) Nonetheless, I'll take a look and see what I do :) Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:03, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Very true. Next time I'll go ahead and do it myself. =)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 18:25, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Any character that a sourcebook describes as "&hellip;cold, calculating, and vicious in the extreme." deserves to be on the front page one day ;) Greyman ( Paratus ) 18:05, 15 November 2007 (UTC)