Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Battle of Ryndellia


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Ryndellia

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 06:14, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to get the minor Malevolence stuff out of the way before the real pains.

(3 ACs/6 Users/9 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:00, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Objections taken care of on the IRC. Kilson Likes PIE 02:50, 15 May 09 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:41, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:25, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:28, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:14, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) &mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:45, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) DC 19:35, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Context for Grievous in intro and history
 * 3) **He's a general; I feel that stating he was a Kaleesh or a cyborg would deviate from the article itself.
 * 4) * "The convoy was ambushed by the Confederate Subjugator-class heavy cruiser Malevolence, under the command of General Grievous, and the Confederate warship eliminated the Republic transports with its laser guns and ion cannons. " The last part of the phrase is a little awkward; please reword or break up into separate sentences.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "On Sith Lord and Confederate Head of State Count Dooku's order" You don't need both "Sith lord" and "Confederate Head of State" there; just stick with one, otherwise it sounds like you're talking about two different people.
 * 7) **Addressed with some bias; I feel that both are important (if not equal to each other). I took out the one in the intro, but I feel it's relevant to the body. If you still want it removed, I'll nuke it.
 * 8) * "The cannons neutralized the power of their targets, leaving the targets vulnerable without the ability to use deflector shields." Use something else for one of the "targets".
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * "and his trust and faith in Grievous diminished." In this case, trust and faith mean basically the same thing; to keep it flowing better, just use one of them.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "and was pleased that the medical convoy had been eliminated." You should clarify that the forces have been eliminated before you say this, because the last thing the reader knew Grievous had destroyed a droid for not being able to target any Republic forces, and now they've won the battle.
 * 13) **I moved the sentence about the battle droid; see if it works better. It's already rather heavily implied that the convoy was eliminated.
 * 14) *Good work :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:05, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks.  CC7567  (talk) 22:21, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Soresu
 * 17) * Skywalker led Shadow Squadron in recently acquired BTL-B Y-wing starfighters. Not "and"?
 * 18) **What? I don't really get the objection; the sentence looks fine to me.
 * 19) ***Doh! Suddenly got it. Sorry, I thought he took shadow squad and a number of Y-wings. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:41, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * A B1 battle droid commented on its inability to target anything, and Grievous smashed it aside. A bit unclear whether the two its are referring to the Malevolence, the frigate, or the droid.
 * 21) **Addressed, although for the first one, I'm not sure if genders can be tagged to droids.
 * 22) ***Yeah, I guess they have male personalities.
 * 23) *Good job. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:28, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for teh reviewth.  CC7567  (talk) 23:34, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) DC has returned from the dead!
 * 26) * Twice in Prelude, you start a sentence off with "Because," rewrite both.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * Please transition the Prelude section to the actual battle part better; I can't find what the Battle of Abregado has to do with the ambush.
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * "As the damaged Pelta frigate deployed several escape pods, Grievous ordered the pods to be targeted." Were the pods then destroyed? You seem to imply so.
 * 31) **The scene ends there, so I don't believe that speculation has a place in the article. It's probable that the pods were destroyed, but it wasn't stated.
 * 32) * Again, I can't seem to find what the aftermath has to actually do with the battle itself. Transition it better.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) *Great job, looks great. DC 20:40, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) **Thank you.  CC7567  (talk) 21:18, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * About 700 words, for general interest.  CC7567  (talk) 06:14, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Now c. 576 words, after addressing recent objections.  CC7567  (talk) 07:33, 15 May 2009 (UTC)