Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Corran Horn

 * Nominated by: Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it.

(3 Inq/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 20:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Great.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:05, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Great job, Havac. Besides a few minor mistakes I fixed myself, there was nothing wrong with this article despite its length. DC 22:48, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Good show.-- —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:19, 9 August 2008 (UTC) &mdash;Pending further investigation.-- —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:41, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Imperialles's objections:
 * 2) * Image:BattleofThyferra-crop.jpg's infobox lacks some fields.
 * 3) *I'll put Image:ScreenShot0153.JPG on my to-do list (not an objection).
 * Image:Corran Horn 4.jpg is sort of distorted. Possible to remedy at all?
 * 1) **Replaced with Image:Njo Corran.png. -- Ozzel 06:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nice work. --Imperialles 15:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 1 of 4)
 * First off, a comment. This is certainly one of the largest undertakings I have ever done on the Wook - reading this article, I mean. In fact, in order to even think of such a thing, I had to go off and print the content of the article (barring pictures and templates). At 8pt font, 0.12" margins (save for a 2" margin on the right), and with images and templates culled, I was able to squeeze the entire article into a convenient 40-page document, suitable for printing. Without modifications, the entire article is 111 pages long. 111. I must say that I am entirely impressed. And, all that to say... Inqs who are looking at this article and saying "Damn", I suggest that you do what I did, and print out the article, be it in small chunks or as a whole thing. In paper form, it's a whole lot easier to concentrate and make notations than on a computer screen. In fact, it only took me about an hour to read through 10 pages of my 40-page doc.
 * TL;DR version: Print out the damn article and review it already, Inqs. It's not that hard to read. :P
 * Secondly, another comment. I realize that, as I'm not an Inq, my vote really has no weight in this matter. That being said, I really wanted to review this article. Not because I'm looking for a way to push into the Inq-ing status, not because I feel like messing with Havac, but because I know (from personal experience) that an FAN that has nothing happening to it is worse to have running than an FAN with objections and the like, showing that it's not catatonic. Nothing is worse than having a stale FAN sitting for weeks on end without people even making an effort. Hence, my objection list is as follows (note that this is part 1 of 4. Article's long!):
 * 1) *INTRO
 * 2) ** Second paragraph, latter part. Make sure that you make the point that, after the Bacta Wars, Rogue Squadron reformed. As it stands now, you have "led Rogue Squadron in resigning", followed by "continued his career in Rogue Squadron"... without any mention of Rogue Squadron actually reforming.
 * 3) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 4) **Formative years
 * 5) *** Second paragraph, last sentence: Where does it come from? It doesn't seem to fit within the paragraph it's attached to.
 * 6) **Capturing Zekka Thyne
 * 7) *** I've noticed this throughout all of the scenes where Corran and Hal are working together: You use a lot of "Horn" where either Corran or Hal could be placed. For example, look at paragraph 3, first sentence: "Horn headed to the freighter, the Hopskip, with the others..." The reader isn't entirely sure which Horn you're talking about, until later in the paragraph. As I said before, this seems to be pretty prevalent throughout the father/son scenes. Is it possible to persuade you to use first names for clarification's sake?
 * 8) ****Alright, the explanation works. Stricken.
 * 9) **Living with loss
 * 10) *** Second "paragraph" (yeah, the one with two sentences) - any chance you can expand this, or group it together with a relevant thought? As it stands, it's pretty much just floating there.
 * 11) *** More instances of "Corran/Hal Horn" - which one is it, etc.
 * 12) *** Third paragraph, 4th sentence (ref'd [8]): "Morose and constantly reliving the past, Horn was only brought back to the present when Wessiri and Bastra got him into a cantina brawl, helping him focus himself on living his life now." - The now at the end of this sentence just feels too... present-tense. Perhaps a change to "in the present", or something similar?
 * 13) **Becoming a Rogue
 * 14) *** Rephrase first paragraph, last sentence. The use of the semicolon there just doesn't feel right. My suggestion is to remove the semicolon, and put a small phrase, "due to his thoughts on", or something to that extent.
 * 15) **Activation
 * 16) *** 4th paragraph, 4th sentence; the "shred" here feels informal. Can I get a more formal description of the Lancer's abilities?
 * 17) **Readying to strike
 * 18) *** Paragraph 4, Last Sentence: Has "Black Sunners" ever been used IU? If not, I'd prefer a "Black Sun members", or something to that extent.
 * 19) ****Intriguing.
 * 20) *Aaaaand... that's it! (Part 1). I went through and touched some things up myself. Very good read, very long read, but very well done. I'm impressed, jealous, angry, frustrated, proud, and happy, all at once, after reading through this article. Once again, excellent job Havac. 07:25, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks to his notes on my talk page, all of Part 1 is resolved. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the Red Book of Chack Jadson:
 * 23) *Right now, I'm only on Becoming a Rogue, but I'll get more done soon. Anyway, here's what I've got at this point.
 * 24) * Link the battles in the intro; there are several that could have links.
 * 25) * The prose in the first paragraph of drifting into danger is kind of dull.
 * 26) * You use the term cover identities twice in the first sentence of on the run.
 * 27) * The first two sentences of the last paragraph of on the run are also somewhat dull.
 * 28) *Ramble on.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:57, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * In Captivity: "The guard struck Horn with his blaster, and Horn retaliated by reflexively throwing his bucket of gravel into the guard." (Use Ctl+F) The bucket part isn’t needed, IMO.
 * 30) * In the last sentence of this section, you mention there Dlarit escaped. I’d add something along the lines of, now revealed as a traitor.
 * 31) * "Almost all the rest of Rogue Squadron followed suit." Who didn’t? I thought they all did, but I’m likely wrong.
 * 32) * "In 19 ABY, Horn, by then promoted to the rank of commander, and the rest of the Rogues were attached to General Bel Iblis, and were on Morishim when an Imperial corvette, followed by an Imperial Star Destroyer, entered the system." This sentence should be split into two.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:43, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 2 of 4)
 * Yes, me again. Don't worry, not as long a listing as the last one, I promise. Just an aside to Havac: When/if you have addressed objections, or if you need to ask a question on one of them, please use my talk page. I pay more attention there (and I realize you're stuck in the IP mode again).
 * Onto the objections!
 * 1) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 2) **The Bacta War
 * 3) *** Last paragraph, 5th sentence: Reads really awkwardly, almost to the point of run-on.
 * 4) ****Nice job.
 * 5) **Battling Zsinj
 * 6) *** Third paragraph, last sentence: Whose archenemy, Corran's or Zsinj's? From information presented earlier in the article, this feels ambiguous.
 * 7) ****Explanation makes sense. Just glad you elaborated on the reasons.
 * 8) *** Ninth paragraph, 3rd sentence: You just "drop" a mention to Fel in here, without a link or any previous explanation of just who Fel is.
 * 9) ****Cool.
 * 10) **The return of Isard
 * 11) *** Minor note, not an objection: I reworded the end of the 6th paragraph and the start of the 7th to read slightly better (in my opinion). Feel free to change it back if you don't agree.
 * 12) ****Ugh, that's... bad. Thanks for the revert.
 * 13) **Becoming a Jedi
 * 14) ***First sentence, 4th sentence, end of sentence: It may just be me, but the line "...Tavira was travelling with enforcers who might be Force-sensitives." feels almost-present-tense. Please reword.
 * 15) ****Obviously, just me, based on the information you presented.
 * 16) *And part 2 is done. Much less than last time. I went ahead and touched up some things in Corran's article too. 04:52, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **All objections from Review, Part 2 are satisfied, although I am slightly confused as to the reversion of many of my other edits as well. Just wondering. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) Not an actual review:
 * 19) * "''Horn served as a Jedi instructor, training his two children, Valin and Jysella, before the Yuuzhan Vong War broke out. Horn served a vital role in it, defeating Shedao Shai&hellip;" This, particularly the "it," seems a bit off to me.
 * 20) * No mention is made that Horn helped hunt down Jedi during his time with CorSec, which is clearly stated in Horn's Fact File.
 * 21) **I will probably review at least some of this article at some point. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the overloaded cockpit of Xwing328
 * 23) *Formative years
 * 24) ** The 2 ABY paragraph flows poorly, as the sentences are completely unrelated.
 * 25) ** The Kirtan Loor paragraph seems out of place, especially as the preceding and following paragraphs are both related to specific 2 ABY events, and the Loor paragraph doesn't have a specific time frame. It almost seems like it should belong in the P&T.
 * 26) *"Horn was given the callsign Rogue Nine, and Qrygg served as his wingman." Does this make Qrygg Rogue Ten (if we even know, for that matter)?
 * 27) * "...Antilles had had Whistler..." Wording: can you change "had" to programmed, convinced, or whatever is actually appropriate?
 * 28) *"During the interview, he made an enemy of Remart Sasyru, a pilot in Bolt Squadron who acted hostile towards Horn and return was mercilessly heckled." Is this just missing a word? "...and in return?"
 * 29) *To be continued... —Xwing328 (Talk) 23:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) From the Undisclosed Location of Darth Culator:
 * 31) *These will dribble in bit-by-bit as I read through this thing. Baby steps. First off, Image:Corran-jpn.jpg is inadequately sourced. Frankly, barring someone posting proper scans of these mythical Japanese novels, I think these should all be deleted. But first, it needs to be removed from your article unless you plan to do the research required to justify keeping it.
 * 32) * The fact that Horn hunted Jedi is not something to be hidden in the BTS. It is stated clearly and unequivocally in the Fact File and belongs in the CorSec portion of his bio. This is not meant to be a purely-flattering political fluff piece, we do not gloss over the ugly truths in our subject's history. We may not like Fact File retcons, but they are everywhere and we live with them. I do not see how anyone can justify excluding something like this, though I'm sure you're going to try. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:16, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *No picture of Leonia Tavira anywhere. Seems like there should at least be one in the relationship section. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 17:36, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) *Not once do you refer to the actual class name of the Lusankya. This is an important expositional detail and I'm surprised it has been overlooked. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 18:25, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 36) * "Horn has appeared in every novel written by Stackpole, and was the first and only character to narrate an entire Star Wars novel in the first person in I, Jedi, which told the story of Horn's Jedi training and has since been retconned into having the status of an in-universe document.[1][14][12][17][13][6][39][8][30]" &mdash; this is ridiculously unhelpful. Source it properly&mdash;by statement, not sentence.
 * 37) * Also, is there no BtS stuff from Stackpole interviews or anything?
 * 38) **BtS still looks a little sparse, but okay.
 * 39) * Channeling Toprawa here: please order the Sources list by OOU publication date. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:17, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Technically, now you haven't voted for it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:26, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Wow Havoc... and I thought it had gotten pretty long back when I was working on this... you blew that away, AND more or less re-did the entire article AND re-wrote it a lot better than my version. Anyways, while I'm probably not gonna be able to do much for at least a month until school gets out, just a couple quick things I noticed:
 * 1) Some of the section titles strike me as a bit unencyclopedic. For instance, "Supply run gone wrong" might want to be replaced by something like "Battle of Yag'Dhul" or "Return to Yag-prime," and "Drifting into danger" might want to be replaced with something like "Leaving CorSec." There are also some border-line section titles (Rogue rookie, Reign of terror)
 * 2) It could use some more pictures, especially in the the parts on Rogue Squadron and I, Jedi. That being said, having worked to this article before, I know there aren't a lot of pictures from that time of his life, so if you can't add any without making it seem really forced, that's fine.
 * 3) The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.

Other than that, great Job!!!  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! ) 16:33, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Why has this article not been fully promoted it is better than quite a few others that are "Featured", it is well written, well put together in picture placement, and has everything else that makes it a worthy article, so lets be officially make it a Featured Article and move on to otherthings. Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 16:17, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Please come back when you have a proper understanding of the process. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:53, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Despite my personal desires to respond in a similar fashion to your earlier comments, I will attempt to be polite as I re-phrase for you what I summed up earlier on the nominations page.
 * 1. The article is well written and very detailed.
 * 2. At least from my eyes the article is unbiased (I haven’t seen any comments that differ)
 * 3. It is well sourced
 * 4. I have seen nothing to indicate that it does not follow the manual of style or any of the others listed in item #4
 * 5. It is not the target of any ongoing edit wars
 * 6. It is not currently tagged
 * 7. It has a good summary that is not to long (considering the amount of data to cover)
 * 8. It currently has 0 red links in it
 * 9. It has significant amounts of info from all major appearances (and to my knowledge all minor as well)
 * 10. It has not (to my knowledge) been on the main page before
 * 11. It has been completely referenced
 * 12. Images and quotes are sourced
 * 13. It has an acceptable amount of quotes
 * 14 It includes a "personalities and traits" section
 * 15. It includes a "powers and abilities" section
 * 16. It includes a reasonable number of very good quality images
 * 17. I am not sure of but have heard nothing to indicate it has not
 * 18. It is certainly more than 1000 words long in the main article itself.

Wraith Squadron

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.
 * Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that from Starcraft? —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 12:55, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * So it is. :-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:32, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also working on redlinks, me.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 05:49, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I've checked all the link destinations, all the duplicate links, and all the spelling. Added a few minor details and fixed a few formatting issues, and I'm quite satisfied with it now. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:08, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Ah, I see. Pesky periods popped. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From Greyman:
 * 7) * In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters&hellip;". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
 * 8) **Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
 * 11) **I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Looks much better. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Ref punctuation errors galore! Refs with no spaces after them before the next sentence, refs before commas, and, worst of all, multiple instances of refs with commas on both sides. (Ew!) As one might say: "A rather sloppy nom... Did you forget to copyedit?" ;-) -- Ozzel 10:00, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *I'll take a look-and it has nothing to do with the copyediting I gave it. Links and ref syntax I generally let AWB deal with, since that's what it's for, so I didn't even look at those. TBH, I could really care less as long as the refs aren't broken. When I'm reading 250 KB of article, ref punctuation is never a high priority.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Took a stab at it and cleaned some things up. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:37, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Bah. Your priorities break my little Grammar Nazi heart. :-p Anyway, looks much better now. Good work. -- Ozzel 03:08, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ****I'll send you a bandage and a little stuffed Ewok to cheer you up. :-P Thanks for the catch, though-the double commas around the refs looked particularly awful and I picked up on a few other things. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:49, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Would it be possible to get a roster of who was Wraith X at what time? For instance, initial roster, Iron Fist roster, whenever there's a major change. Right now if you want to know who Wraith Two or Wraith Eight or Wraith Ten was, you can't find that information in the article. Yrfeloran 05:43, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *I'll see what I can do . . . I'll need to work on it so it doesn't become a horrible list. Maybe something in the Members sections&mdash;that's what I did for Rakehell Squadron, but the Wraiths shift callsigns numerous times. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:50, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **A list has been added near the bottom of the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:00, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Information's there, so I'm happy. If people object to the format of that being ugly, I'm equally happy with callsign information being in pilot bios. Yrfeloran 20:09, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *** Detiled non-biased and I learnt quite a lot on it. I think it's quite detailed and deserves to be a featured article. Devan2 19:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Some preliminaries from Grae:
 * 25) * The intro is quite insufficient, for the level of detail in the article. I suggest quite a bit more on the actions of the Wraiths against Zsinj in the intro, unless you'd like to omit and summarize more of the information in the article, which would also be acceptable.
 * 26) **The intro has been lengthened. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Very good. Much less limp. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Linking&hellip;needs some help. Could AWB be run over it?
 * 29) **We have top men on it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***All link destinations and duplication checked. If you want links added, AWB can't help there. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:08, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Not too keen on the quote in the prose in the first section.
 * 32) **It has been removed and the content reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * Consistency with S and apostrophe would be very nice. We even have a CT about it currently.
 * 34) **Can you give me some specifics on words to look for? I know I'll go back through all the Antilles's, but are there others I should hunt down?
 * 35) ***All "Antilles's" have been changed to "Antilles'" Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:01, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ****I'll cover this as I go back through on my long, tedious run. Like I said, these are preliminaries. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Some consistency between Night Caller and the Night Caller, and similar instances with ship names, would be helpful.
 * 38) **Hmm. Thought I got all of those-it should just be Night Caller-but per comments below, I went with how Allston described the ships. If he said "the Narra", that's what I used. Now, I am referring to the Night Caller charade as something entirely different, where (the) and (Night Caller) are serving as adjectives for charade, so that might be what you are referring to. Let me know.
 * 39) ***Have gone through and eliminated all instances of "the Night Caller". Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ****Is it now consistently only "shipname" instead of "the shipname" with all ship names throughout the article? Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) *****For that particular ship, yes. Given the choice between article consistency and canon, I went with canon, so a few ships (Narra, Ugly Truth, etc.) as listed below are still "the shipname". If our Inqs say to stick with article consistency, I will adjust accordingly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:22, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * After spending some time in this article, I can say with some confidence that I believe a good deal of the history section is too detailed. I really believe that a lot of that information belongs in the articles for the individual battles and missions, or, in the case of things like the pranks, in the articles for the characters themselves. Some of these sections are almost FA-length in themselves, and I just don't think it's appropriate for an article that's supposed to be about the squadron and not the missions.
 * 43) **The pranks have been trimmed up somewhat. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * I believe the Sources section is somewhat lacking. I remember, for instance, reading in at least one Essential Guide about the Wraiths and their activities. And there simply has to be more.
 * 45) **3 Essential Guides have been added to the list; there wasn't any new info and a check of NEGAS showed that while Voort saBinring was mentioned, Wraith Squadron wasn't. Good catch. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) **Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
 * The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
 * Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
 * The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
 * The images are, AFAIK, all that are available besides individual member portraits, which I didn't feel like including since everyone has a picture at the bottom. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
 * No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
 * It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Gantoris

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, at long last I have written another thing I feel worthy of FAN. My thanks to 4dot, Tommy and Jaymach for the sourcing.

(6 Inqs/0 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 00:59, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I always thought he looked just like Ganondorf.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:25, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:21, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman ( Talk ) 03:07, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Good persistence through the process. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) DC 03:11, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think I was the one that did it, but that infobox image really needs work. There is also a quote in the body of the text that should be removed or moved to a header. Also you need to source the infobox. --Eyrezer 03:09, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Quote altered. I knew I'd forgotten something but just couldn't see it for some reason, and the infobox sourcing was it. Thanks! As for the image, I've asked for a litle assistance below, since my image skills are, shall we say, non-existant? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **The second last para of the bio lacks sourcing for its final statement. --Eyrezer 21:56, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Smeg. sourced. Also, thanks for the image enhancement.
 * 5) Some pointers, which I have mostly addressed myself
 * 6) * In my copy of Dark Apprentice, Exar Kun says "I want your anger, Gantoris.", rather than "I want your anger, Gantoris!". Misquote, wishful thinking, different source? I'm not sure.
 * 7) **Mistakenly wishful thinking - writing the quote how i thought it should be written. Altered.
 * 8) * Up till 100, write out numbers as words, such as three, for 3 corusca gems
 * 9) **Curses. Thanks for altering.
 * 10) * More linking, such as runyip, the battle of Dantooine where Daala attacks the colonists. Most things can be linked, I find.
 * 11) **Are there other things that are missing linkage?
 * 12) ***I don't think so. Good stuff. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Instead of hyphons, you want to use &mdash; I changed this for you
 * 14) **Err... Is this a set policy or just your personal preference?
 * 15) ***Well &"mdash"; and &"hellip";, I thought, were the proper wikia ways to do hyphons and ellipsis. I believe it's just the done thing, but feel free to go and check it out elsewhere. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I recommend expansion on Gantoris' rivalry with Horn, esp. the lifting of the rock episode.
 * 17) **I've expanded this in the Bio, by extracting and expanding relevant parts from the P&t. I've ad too.
 * 18) * Mention Warton, who Gantoris appears to have known from birth. It's his death that really guts Gantoris. Also mention the futile lightsaber strike on the wall against Kun.
 * 19) **Aah. Good point. Warton and lightsaber futility added.
 * 20) * Legacy section? There seem plenty of after death details.
 * 21) ** I've separated the final section into a "Legacy" part and added a little, but there's not much I can add to it.
 * 22) *Good stuff, Xadún. Harrar 16:23, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:27, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) From Greyman:
 * 25) * Gantoris actually has a role, albeit very minor, in the story Firestorm. I see it listed in the "Appearances" section, but don't currently see any info on it in the article. If you need help with obtaining a copy of the story, let me know :) Greyman ( Talk ) 18:54, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **At long, long last, I have added refernce to this. Sorry it took so long, and much thanks for providing the source. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:34, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From the Preliminary Hearings of Chack Jadson:
 * 28) * The only part I read was the BTS, which I changed a little for you, but I suggest you change the source for the part about Exar's name never being spoken in the narration. JA narration works, just not Dark Apprentice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:02, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ** I deemed this unnecessary as Kun only speaks to Gantoris in Dark Apprentice, but I've changed it as it works either way. Also, I've moved the specific details about Gantoris' lightsaber to the article. I thought describing it to be duel-phase was sufficient, but it made sense to have this added clarification in the article itself. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 10:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***This is trivial, but I don't see why you can't change the ref for this to narration. You specifically say he never mentions his name in the narration, then source it with a book.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ****I'm a little confused as to what you want here, I'm afriad.
 * 32) *****Okay. You say that in the narration, Kun never tells Gantoris his name. Unless I'm being thick, there's no reason to source this DA. You don't even need a source, actually.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:48, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ******The sourcing has been removed.
 * 34) * Context on Ta'ania in the body is desired.
 * 35) ** I've added what I can, although there's precious little to be said about her, which I think is a shame.
 * 36) * Could the third sentence in Legacy be merged with the second? Also, what is Kyp's redemption test?
 * 37) **Merged and added.
 * 38) *I did a copyedit for you too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks.
 * 40) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 41) * "Many times during this fight he attacked out of anger, Skywalker regularly on the defensive to keep from antagonizing his student." Okay, I've fixed a lot of awkward verbage in this nom, but this really needs cleaned up. Reword and clarify please.
 * 42) **Broken down and altered.
 * 43) * " a trait possibly driven by his dreams of the "Dark Man" in a hope to defeat him." Kill this or reword it so it's not so speculative.
 * 44) ** His high ambition meant Gantoris always strove to improve his skills, as his life on Eol Sha had meant he had to rely mostly on his own abilities.
 * 45) ***That's fine; the "possibly driven" was what tripped me up. Thanks for rewording it. Atarumaster88 [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Combine some of the paras in the P&T please.
 * 47) ** Done.
 * 48) * Link to Force powers as needed; some were missing.
 * 49) *Added telekinesis link to Luke pulling Gantoris' lightsaber using the Force.
 * 50) * Probably not a good idea to list Exar Kun as his Sith Master-yes, Kun is a Sith, but Gantoris isn't, if you catch my drift.
 * 51) **I've removed "Sith", but I have left him under the list of Masters that taught Gantoris.
 * 52) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:57, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **Like what you've done with this, DX. For future reference, I would have picked up on these a little sooner if you double indent the responses&mdash;I've fixed your replies so it doesn't look like they're objections. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) "Gantoris believed that Luke, in his black robes, might be the "Dark Man" who had plagued his dreams, and isolated him from the colonists. Listening to the people that brought him food, Skywalker concluded Gantoris must have been a decendant of Ta'ania." - I'm not quite sure what's going on here. You might need to clarify who's being kept isolated, who's bringing food et al, just to make that passage a bit clearer. "First, Gantoris lead him into a geyser tunnel to collect lichen to see if he could survive the eruption of the geyser." - This could be worded better, but I'm not quite sure how. Get back to me on that one if you need clarification. I think it would be good to mention the fact that he struck up a friendship with Streen in the bio. "No other works involving lightsabers reference these shimmering colors, with Gantoris' lightsaber itself referred to as purple, amethyst or purple-white in other works." - You need to cite these other works, at the moment you just have it sourced to Dark Apprentice. Thefourdotelipsis 03:46, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) *Clarified, altered, cited. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) Grass clippings:
 * 57) * "Born into the sole isolated settlement on the volcanic world of Eol Sha, Gantoris's affinity with the Force first became apparent when he survived an avalanche as a child." – Please rewrite, minding subject-verb agreement.
 * 58) **Strimmed.
 * 59) * Same deal – "His connection with the Force allowed him to predict earthquakes, eruptions, and avalanches, which he used to protect his fellow colonists on the unstable planet"
 * 60) **Mowed.
 * 61) * Corran Horn needs some introduction/context.
 * 62) **Planted.
 * 63) * "shadowy spectral ghost" is a bit redundant.
 * 64) **Clipped.
 * 65) * The way the Dark Man is set up to be Exar Kun is quite awkward. Please just come right out with it somewhere earlier in the article than you currently allude to him. Also, some limited background on Kun would be nice&mdash;feel free to use information from any source on him to do so, as long as you cite it. Don't feel limited to JAT.
 * 66) **Revealed in intro the Dark Man is Exar Kun, context added in the Bio.
 * 67) * "Upon witnessing his friend Warton being blasted by an AT-AT, Gantoris's calm broke." – Please rewrite, minding agreement.
 * 68) **Replanted.
 * 69) * Sourcing in the BtS is bizarre. Pick one: self-sourcing statements, or ref tags. As it stands, there's one unsourced statement and several of each of the ways to source.
 * 70) **Bts pruned to consist of self-sourcing statements.
 * 71) * Graestan ( Talk ) 23:44, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) **As ever, thanks for reviewing. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 12:20, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) Toprawa:
 * 74) * Not an objection since I've changed the instances myself, but articles should never, except as a last resort where things get confusing, be written by referring to people by their first names. "Luke" should always be "Skywalker," "Kyp" should always be "Durron," and so forth.
 * 75) **I'll bear that in mind.
 * 76) * Please also make sure you do a more concentrated job of making sure things are not linked twice through the article's body. Link once in the intro, and once on first mention in the body, and nowhere else, including the BTS. I've cleaned this up for you.
 * 77) **Ok.
 * 78) * You say here that he was searching for the offspring of this woman, but then in the next sentence, he believes her experience will be valuable? This certainly makes it seem as if she's still around. So who is he searching for? "he was searching for the offspring of Ta'ania to join his Jedi Praxeum."
 * 79) **Not so. Luke was searching for Ta'ania, unware she was no longer at the colony or kept herself hidden. Luke found Gantoris by coincidence when searching for Ta'ania.
 * 80) ***Ok, well please clarify this in the article as you have here. Per what I've stated, this makes it seem as if she's still alive, and he's looking for her experience. What I'm inferring from this is that he feels her experience will be beneficial to him vicariously, through another: "he felt her experience would be invaluable to him"
 * 81) ****Done.
 * 82) ***** This is still kind of confusing me. The intro sentence and the bio sentence covering this don't match. One says he's looking for Tania, another says he's looking for her offspring. Which is it? The intro sentence: "In 11 ABY, Luke Skywalker journeyed to Eol Sha, searching for the offspring of Jedi and Force-sensatives, specifically seeking Ta'ania" ...and the bio sentence: "When Luke Skywalker came to Eol Sha in 11 ABY, he was searching for the offspring of Ta'ania to join his Jedi Praxeum"
 * 83) ******They match now.
 * 84) ***** Also, as an addendum to that objection, keeping this as it is is very conditional on whom Skywalker is looking for. If he's searching for Tania, this makes sense: "and he felt her experience would be invaluable to him to train other Jedi Knights. " Because he can directly utilize her experience. If he's searching for her offspring, this does not make sense, because I don't really think you can utilize the experience of a dead woman. You can utilize the experience she taught to her offspring, maybe. Please clarify this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ******Amended - he was searching for Tanaia.
 * 86) * If he's already moving things around telekinetically exactly as he should, I would say he's already a talented student. This is kind of redundantly backpedaling on what you already established: "Gantoris quickly became a talented student,"
 * 87) **My apologies, This was unclear. It was Luke who moved the structure, not Gantoris. Altered.
 * 88) * So...what happened? "Gantoris believed he was tricked, demanding the other student explain how he had made it appear that the rock had risen."
 * 89) **Expanded.
 * 90) * This transition makes it seem as if Skywalker just haphazardly accepted this offer to duel, when I'm guessing he was forced into it against his own accord. Please reword, transition better: "Gantoris then used his new lightsaber to challenge Skywalker to a duel. Many times during this fight"
 * 91) **Changed to "Gantoris then used his new lightsaber to challenge Skywalker to a duel, threatening to strike him down if he did not defend himself."
 * 92) * So what happened after the duel between Skywalker and Gantoris? Did Skywalker reprimand him, did he send him to his room without dinner? That paragraph needs some sort of resolution.
 * 93) **Added.
 * 94) * Also, this duel between them really should have some sort of article. At the very least, please create a red link for it.
 * 95) **A link has been added.
 * 96) * I'm confused, is this happening present time, and he's getting a "live look-in," or did this already happen? Please clarify: "but the specter showed him the colonists he had led on Eol Sha as they were slaughtered"
 * 97) **The source is unspecific. Though the event and Gantoris' witnessing of it are together in the novel, it cannot be definitivly concluded that the massacre happened earlier or was happening at the same time. As such, I have left this unchanged.
 * 98) * You have some unnecessary double referencing of the same source at the end of the Legacy section. Please clear that up
 * 99) **Removed.
 * 100) * I'd like to see this sentence clarified and expounded on, please: "He was the most promising student, showing strength for the generating a protection bubble"
 * 101) **Expanded.
 * 102) * The way this BTS sentence reads does better to establish this than what you have in the Legacy section. Please beef up that section: "This makes his fall to the dark side haunt the Jedi trainees even more."
 * 103) **Section expanded.
 * 104) * I've removed this sentence from the BTS due to its trivial nature, but something of the sort should at least be specified in the biography somewhere: "The spirit of Exar Kun never actually reveals his name to Gantoris in any part of the narration for the Jedi Academy Trilogy."
 * 105) **Why remove it? It says in the Bio Gantoris' Dark Man was Exar Kun and that Gantoris was unaware of his identity. This sentence clarified that from an OOU perspective.
 * 106) ***Because it's pure trivia. The article establishes this pretty definitively. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) ****Fair enough.
 * 108) * You're missing small tid bits of information regarding his corpse from The Essential Guide to Characters, which must also then be added to the source list by correct OOU publication date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:06, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) **Added.
 * 110) * I also find a few issues after reading through the character's entry in the Star Wars Encyclopedia:
 * 111) ** The SWE claims that Gantoris was "a possible descendant of the Jedi Ta'ania." Does any source actually definitively state him to be a descendant of her?
 * 112) ***No, it doesn't. Skywalker draws this conclusion, but it is never confirmed by Gantoris himself.
 * 113) ****Then your article can't definitely say she is, which it does in the intro, twice. Both instances should be reworded to resolve this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 114) *****Changed.
 * 115) ****** You still shouldn't say "a possible" descendant, even if SWE does make this speculation, because it's just that - speculation. Try to word it to say that Luke Skywalker believed him to be a possible descendant of Tania.
 * 116) ******* Now says he was believed by Luke Skywalker to be the decendent etc.
 * 117) ** It also states that Kun "guided Gantoris in building his own lightsaber...." I feel this could be better stated as such in the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:18, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 118) ***I was being diplomatic. Some sources say Kun outright taught Gantoris to construct the lightsaber. The novel Dark Apprentice says that Gantoris simple "knew" how the pieces of his lightsaber would fit together. As such stating Kun guided Gantoris' judgement incorporates both these views.
 * 119) ** Finally, "...but he soon learned [the Dark Man] was the spirit of Exar Kun." Unless I've missed it, the article leaves us only with the understanding that Gantoris is unaware that the Dark Man is in fact Kun. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:31, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 120) ***Interesting point. No other sources say Gantoris knew Kun was the Dark Man - I've added this to Bts rather than the main body.
 * 121) **** Ok, this instead needs to be incorporated into the article somehow, unless this is a blatant discrepancy of all other sources, which it really doesn't seem to be. This is a nice little tendency SWE has, it includes little morsels of new information like this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) *****Integrated in bio and sourced to EGC.
 * 123) ****** Ok, except it should be sourced to SWE. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) *******Re-sourced.
 * 125) **I've covered most of your objections - I will address the remaining few when I'm not at work. and Thank's for the review. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:15, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) * Your most recent addition has omitted the fact that Kun did indeed kill him. The new change just states that the students found him dead, without allowing the reader to know how. This needs to be fixed.
 * 127) **Fixed.
 * 128) ***Good, that reads well. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 129) * The last sentence in the Legacy section lacks a reference.
 * 130) **Not any more! ;)
 * 131) * After reading over this again, this is rather unclear to me as to what exactly is happening. What exercise? Did he duplicate the telekinesis exercise? "being able to sense all the buildings around him through the Force and perform the exercise exactly." Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) **It was telekinesis. clarified per request. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:13, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 133) * The second bio paragraph is lacking a source. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) **Not now.
 * 135) Should mention the rediscovery of the planet by the NR sociologist and their subsequent report on Gantoris. Afterall, that is what led Luke to the planet. Should also mention details like Gantoris housing Luke in the dead child's favourite play spot so as to keep him off-guard. That could go in both the bio and the P&T --Eyrezer 04:01, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) *Added.
 * 137) My two cents
 * 138) *Could you give some context for the Great Sith War?
 * 139) **The event is really only used as a reference for Exar Kun, so I don't feel it's necessarily relevant to do so. The link will provide any info ;)
 * 140) * "He also wielded a lightsaber with minimal instruction," Surely you can expand on this. DC 18:15, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 141) **Not really. This is what happened - Gantoris construced the lightsaber and challenged Luke the next day. The P&t really is an overview of skills - Gantoris recieved a small amount of training but took on Skywalker to a level that concerned the other students. I feel it is sufficient. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:10, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Can someone please assist with an improved copy of the Infobox image, per Eyrezer's request? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Culator took care of it. --Eyrezer 08:44, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I will make Gantoris an FA even if it drives me mad... Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:13, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Seha Dorvald

 * Nominated by: Darthchristian 21:57, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: According to Fourdot, this is over a thousand words....it better be. =P

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 00:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:49, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Could use a little more cleanup, but Tommy's objections seem to cover it. A little patience and this will see the light of the Main Page yet.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 05:08, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Well done now. My host would applaud your abilities&hellip;posthumously. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:51, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Imperialles 06:50, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) "father's death at the hands of a Yuuzhan Vong insect." - Did it really have hands? :P You need to explain what's happening with Jacen in the intro. At the moment it's just she's working for him, and suddenly she's confessing, like working for Jacen's a bad thing. Of course it is, but you need to tell us that. ;) And reading on...yeah, he's suddenly Caedus. The first paragraph of the "Second Galactic Civil War" section has formality issues..."pretty" "cute" "dark time," things like that...just needs to be tightened a bit. A chronological problem comes from the fact that you tell us that Dorvald was spying for Jacen a while after the fact. This has to be reshuffled. Just as a suggestion, formality wise, you might want to use her surname, rather than her given one. Thefourdotelipsis 15:18, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *All of those are fixed, and I changed her first name to her surname throughout, as per your suggestion. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 16:50, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Per Ataru, the formality, "cute" etc, needs to be culled. Thefourdotelipsis 11:33, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 5) * It'd be good to mention her rescuing Katarn in the intro.
 * 6) **Fixed.
 * 7) * 1st two sentences of Early life read rather awkwardly. Read it aloud and see if you can come up with a better way to write that.
 * 8) **Fixed, though I needed to change the prose of the paragraph to do do.
 * 9) * Sorry, you can't call someone a pretty young woman. That's POV, and if we don't allow it for Mara, Jaina, Padme, and Jarael, it won't fly here.
 * 10) **I thought I might be able to get away with that because that's how Ben saw her to be, but fixed.
 * 11) ***You could say that Dorvald was considered an attractive woman by Ben, but to explicitly say she was attractive is a no no. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Ben decided that Seha was cute and that he would have liked to stand and look at her for a couple of days. She apparently had mutual feelings, as evidenced by her nervousness around Ben during their conversation." This needs to be reworded and shortened; this type of information works much better in a P&T or relationships section than this. Per 4dot above.
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) ***Sorry, not yet. The tone is still too informal, and it could be worded much better than how it is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ****Better now?
 * 16) * The whole apprentice thing needs to be a lot clearer; she's said to be too old to become an apprentice, then lo and behold, she becomes an apprentice later.
 * 17) **I don't think she was an apprentice; I changed the wording to that she was a Jedi candidate, not an apprentice.
 * 18) * " and to leave the fight alive with everybody, regardless whether the mission was a success or failure." This could be clearer.
 * 19) **Its a bit clearer now.
 * 20) * You'll need an article for the mission/duel.
 * 21) **Forgot to add it. It's in there now.
 * 22) * "She was at first amazed by the skill the Jedi and Sith performed at" Reword this as well.
 * 23) **I'm having a hard time rewording this. Any suggestions?
 * 24) ***Perhaps you could state that "She was initially impressed by the skill of the combatants as they dueled", or something along those lines.
 * 25) ****Used the suggestion.
 * 26) * Explain the escape route more.
 * 27) **Fury isn't clear on that, though I did the best I could with that.
 * 28) ***At least tell me what type of hatch she blew through, where it was, and how she blew it up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ****No hatch type, but the latter 2 explained.
 * 30) *****Check your explanation. You seem to have missed a word in there and I'm not sure what it is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:07, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ******Fixed it even further, and I'm pretty sure the explanation is as good as its going to get. DC 03:00, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Did Seha lead them "through the undercity to safety"? It's not clear in the article.
 * 33) **She led them to a safehouse, which I forgot to mention in the article.
 * 34) ***The confusion was due to a missing pronoun, but your comment gave me enough information to add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) ****So, is your objection fixed? Because there is nothing I can do to further improve that sentence. Darthchristian 03:00, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * Force push and Force pull are technically elements of telekinesis. Please adjust your P&A section appropriately.
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:56, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **You too. Thank you for reviewing the article. Darthchristian 16:51, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 41) * Intro - the word Candidate is capitalized here, but not later in the article. Can you check this and amend as necessary for consistency.
 * 42) **Mistake on my part. Decapitalized.
 * 43) * Why was Zekk Kyp's initial choice to accompany the infiltration team? A little context here is needed.
 * 44) **Context added.
 * 45) * Is there any information on how they were inserted onto Coruscant, or their initial reconnaissance of the target area? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:02, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) **Honestly, no. In Fury, they're planning the mission, and then the Jedi are suddenly on Coruscant. I know its confusing, but since there's no info, I can't add anything on how they got to Coruscant without specualation. DC 03:00, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) ***I thought that was the case, but haven't read Fury in a while and wanted to be sure. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:49, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) The Anvil:
 * 49) * No quotes besides the opener?
 * 50) **Most of the stuff she says or other people say about her are very long explanations, so no.
 * 51) * Eliminate the overlinking please.
 * 52) **Done. If any remain, please notfiy me.
 * 53) *** Still exists. I'm not gonna tell you which ones either&mdash;fine-tooth the article and make sure you catch them all.
 * 54) * There are things in the article that have articles of their own, which you provide no links for. Example, Undercity.
 * 55) **I'm pretty sure they all do now.
 * 56) *** Still see instances of items that aren't linked & should be.
 * 57) * That being said, when new topics are introduced, a brief explanation is necessary (eg. Undercity).
 * 58) **Done.
 * 59) * "Early Life" section. You say, "However, before they learned the war was over, Dorvald's father was killed by a sting of a Yuuzhan Vong insect, and she became an orphan." Do we know what kind of insect this was?
 * 60) **Nope.
 * 61) * Again about explaining newly introduced topics. "For a while, Dorvald lived near the World Brain, whom she was frightened of and described as a horrible creature." What is the World Brain, besides a "horrible creature" in Seha's eyes?
 * 62) **Explained.
 * 63) *** Good job fixing that, but you use the term "creature" twice in the same sentence when referring to the World Brain. Please change to something else.
 * 64) * Again about linking to subjects. "Dorvald would meet the Jedi hero, Jacen Solo, when he took a journey into the undercity to meet the World Brain."
 * 65) **Whoops. Fixed.
 * 66) * Decide how you want to show the World Brain within the article. If you are going to capitalize it, then do so in every instance it is mentioned.
 * 67) **That was mistake on my part. Fixed.
 * 68) * Articles should never, except in unavoidable instances where things can get confusing, be written by referring to people by their first names. "Jacen" should always be "Solo," "Seha" should always be "Dorvald," and so forth.
 * 69) **Jacen changed to Solo. I believe I mention Seha as Dorvald through the entire article, per Fourdot's suggestion.
 * 70) *** Still see instances of "Jacen".
 * 71) ****Ah, I missed the Jacens in the intro. All are gone now.
 * 72) * What is the Amulet of Kalara?
 * 73) **Explained.
 * 74) * The Jedi Temple should be capitalized in every instance, whether using its full title, or just "Temple".
 * 75) **Done.
 * 76) *** Still see instances of lower case "Temple".
 * 77) ****Well, hopefully there shouldn't be now.
 * 78) * In the "Second Galactic Civil War" section, you have a link to the confrontation between Mara & Jacen, but it is wrong.
 * 79) **Fixed.
 * 80) * Same section. Who are the Galactic Alliance Guard?
 * 81) **Fixed.
 * 82) * Same section. You say, "When Jacen, who was now secretly Darth Caedus after he murdered Mara Jade Skywalker, ordered his troops to seize the Jedi Temple, she destroyed the computers so that Solo and the Galactic Alliance Guard wouldn't be to capture valuable information." This whole run-on needs to be at least reworded (possibly broken up), keeping in mind that this is an encyclopedia first, and should be devoid of contractions in articles.
 * 83) **In all honesty, I don't think there's anything wrong with the sentence. It's not a run-on, or anything of that sort.
 * 84) *** May not be a run on, but it seems like a word is missing between "the Galactic Alliance Guard wouldn't be to capture valuable information." Also, the contractions need to still be eliminated.
 * 85) * Same section. You say, "When Grand Master Luke Skywalker gave Kyp Durron the responsibility of...". Who is Kyp Durron in relation to Luke? Some brief context please, should only require a certain title&hellip;
 * 86) **Gave him Jedi Master title.
 * 87) * Same section. You say, "Dorvald was joined on the mission with Jedi Master Kyle Katarn, Valin Horn, Thann Mithric and Kolir Hu'lya." Are they all Jedi Masters?
 * 88) **Nope. Fixed.
 * 89) *** Then if they aren't all Masters, I would say, ''"Master Katarn, and Knights such & such&hellip;
 * 90) * Same section. You say, "Katarn tasked her to place a tracking device onto Caedus when things were at their most chaotic, and to leave the fight after she placed the tracking device on Caedus, regardless of the outcome of the other Jedi's duel with Caedus." Please reword so that you aren't constantly repeating your phrases.
 * 91) **Fixed.
 * 92) ***You still say "placed the tracking device on Caedus" twice.
 * 93) * Same section. You say, "Dorvald was forced to watch the four Jedi confront Caedus in a duel." You go on to say, "Waiting patiently,..." If she was patiently waiting, Don't think she was forced if she was waiting patiently. Please reword.
 * 94) **Fixed.
 * 95) *** Now, again, you talk about the duel with Caedus, but you provide no link to that specific article.
 * 96) ****Undercity ambush is the duel title, I believe, which I already included.
 * 97) * Same section, next paragraph. You say, "Intimidated by the task she was given, Dorvald was forced to watch the four Jedi confront Caedus in a duel. Waiting patiently, she lifted the tracking device into the air towards the fight, waiting for the moment when the fight was at its most chaotic." Please reword the second sentence shown here, because you've already used that terminology.
 * 98) **Before, I had taken out chaotic.
 * 99) * Same section. You say, "While she did this, Caedus was able to kill Thann Mithric by decapitating him, finishing the duel." Decapitation is a specific move when used in a lightsaber duel. Please link to the appropriate article.
 * 100) **Done.
 * 101) * Second sentence in Powers & abilities needs to be reworded.
 * 102) **Reworded.
 * 103) *** You have an instance in the P&A section where the character is referred to by her first name.
 * 104) ****Whoops.
 * 105) *A long way from home, this article is. Much more work to be done, before it can ever grace the front page. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:31, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) **Thanks for the review. DC 18:04, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) Toprawa:
 * 108) * This sentence is just bothering me. She couldn't have been orphaned by the death of "most" of her family if her father was still alive. She was only orphaned after the death of her father. This needs to be reworded to appropriately read as such: "she was orphaned during her childhood when most of her family was killed following the Yuuzhan Vong's invasion of the galactic capital, and the subsequent death of her father by a Yuuzhan Vong insect."
 * 109) **Fixed per your suggestion.
 * 110) *** Well, all you really did is copy my change to the intro into the bio. Please reword the bio sentence just to mix it up a little bit. They shouldn't be identical. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:36, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) ****Changed it up a bit.
 * 112) * Your infobox has a much more specific date, which should be used in place of this: "Born before the onset of the Yuuzhan Vong War,"
 * 113) **I did a sort of merging with the date and that part of the sentence.
 * 114) * Her father needs some sort of article. If one exists, please link to it. If not, please create one and link to it.
 * 115) **Created and linked to.
 * 116) * You can't link anything to this insect? "a sting of a Yuuzhan Vong insect,"
 * 117) **I don't think so.
 * 118) * Some more context is needed for what this "transforming" entails exactly: "responsible for the transformation of Coruscant"
 * 119) **Context added.
 * 120) * This needs some kind of context as well. What does it look like? This sentence has little significance without a prior understanding: "Noticing her dislike of the World Brain, he told her that what it looked like had nothing to do with its nature."
 * 121) **Added.
 * 122) * You can't find any other quotes for any of these sections?
 * 123) **As I told Tommy, most of her quotes are large explanations, which wouldn't turn into good quotes here on the Wook.
 * 124) * A year for context, please: "By the time the Second Galactic Civil War had started,"
 * 125) **Done.
 * 126) * What is "an unknown passage"? This needs to be written better, with a better description: "by opening up an unknown passage out of it."
 * 127) **Ben doesn't give much of a description, he literally just blantantly states that.
 * 128) * That paragraph concerning Lumiya leaves me itching for more info. So what happened with this ruse? Did Dorvald ever discover that Lumiya had tricked her? What happened?
 * 129) **Fixed.
 * 130) * This clause just needs to be rewritten, please. It's very rough: "and to leave the fight afterward regardless of the outcome of the other Jedi's duel with Caedus."
 * 131) **Better now?
 * 132) *This is pretty vague. What kind of duel? "Dorvald was forced to watch the four Jedi confront Caedus in a duel"
 * 133) **Added that it was a lightsaber duel.
 * 134) ***In that case, this "lightsaber duel" should link to a specific duel article. If one does not exist, please create a red link. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:54, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 135) ****Fixed.
 * 136) * Please rewrite: "She then created an escape route by blowing up a hatch that was a few stories below from they hid with explosives"
 * 137) **I see nothing wrong with the sentence. What's wrong with it?
 * 138) ***After reading it the first time, I had no idea what you were trying to say. Apparently, you're missing a "where" in there. I've fixed it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:54, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 139) *Likewise: "Dorvald lowered herself and Katarn through it, when the airborne escape which they had planned, seemed impossible."
 * 140) **Fixed, and likewise for the bottom objection.
 * 141) ***Ok, did they plan this airborne escape before she blew the hatch? If so, that bit should be incorporated into this first sentence, not the second: "She then created an escape route by blowing up a hatch that was a few stories below from where they hid with explosives. Dorvald lowered herself and Katarn through the newfound path after a previously planned airborne escape seemed impossible."
 * 142) ****Done.
 * 143) * What is "this"? More specific description, please: "While she did this," Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:02, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 144) **I'll finish the rest of your objections later when I have the time to do so. Thanks for the review. DC 00:50, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 145) ***Not an objection, but a reminder after looking through your edits addressing these objections, always remember to place reference notes immediately following punctuation. There should be no spaces between. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:36, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 146) ***Also pay a closer eye to your linking. Be careful not to overlink, and remember when going in and making new edits to your nomination, that you must check to see if what you're linking has already been linked.
 * 147) Grass clippings:
 * 148) *Please clean up first paragraph of "Early life," listing events in the order that they occur, rather than jumping around.
 * 149) **Done.
 * 150) *Some explanation for what a dhuryam and a yammosk are, in terms of function, would be nice in that section. Also, I'm not sure "dhuryam" needs to be italicized, particularly if "yammosk" is not.
 * 151) **Done, though the italics were a mistake on my part.. =P
 * 152) *"During this time, though, the Sith Lady Lumiya, disguised as Solo, tasked Dorvald with delivering a message from him to Ben Skywalker and to help him escape the Jedi Temple to find the Amulet of Kalara, a Sith artifact." – Please rewrite, focusing on who did what.
 * 153) **I had to rewrite that paragraph to do so, but done.
 * 154) *Some context for Vongforming is necessary, and could easily be remedied by tying the phrase and its meaning into the explanation of the dhuryam.
 * 155) **Yes, I did that.
 * 156) *Some explanation that Dorvald did not know Solo's true nature while she was being manipulated would be helpful.
 * 157) **Done.
 * 158) *I'd settle on calling it either the Undercity or the Underlevels, and not both, to avoid confusion.
 * 159) **Settled on Undercity.
 * 160) *Last sentence of the P&T is in run-on territory, and should probably be repunctuated or broken up.
 * 161) **Done.
 * 162) *A last bit of advice: Avoid overusing pronouns. I cleaned up a few sentences to avoid confusion of the subject and verb. I generally try to stagger pronouns, either every other mention, or two out of three mentions, paying close attention to the ease of understanding the events described. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:14, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * This is probably going to be the last time I edit or fix objections on the Wook for a few days because I'm in a desperate need to think over some things. I already posted a wookieevacation template on my userpage. DC 03:00, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Many of these things I would normally fix myself, but I believe you would benefit more by doing it yourself. Keep in mind, however, that if —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:31, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Natasi Daala

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:05, 15 June 2008 (UTC),
 * Nomination comments: "I am doing all I can to preserve the Empire."--Ysanne Isard

(0 Inqs/4 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) After all, I did work on it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:54, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I still think this article needs more work, but Ataru seems to have covered the rest. DC 03:19, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The First Wave of Objections from Darthchristian
 * 2) * Before I state my objections, let me extend some thanks to you. You've done a great job on the article, Mitth'raw'nuruodo, expanding and fixing numerous problems with the article but there are still some things to expand and fix.
 * 3) * First off, the first sentence in the the intro is a horrible way to start it off. State where she's from, that she's a human female, then give the fluff of the article. Change it to, "Natasi Daala, a Human female from the Renatasia system, was an Imperial admiral, and later in her life, the Galactic Alliance Chief of State. The only female to ever reach the rank of admiral in the Imperial Navy, she enlisted in the Imperial Navy on Carida, but was discriminated against due to her sex." Continue from that, and fix up the sentence if you feel you need to.
 * 4) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * You give no mention of her son and grandson in the intro as well, which is vital information.
 * 6) **Added that she had a son.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * In the second sentence of the third paragraph in the intro, make a link for command, linking to Supreme Commander.
 * 8) **Did so.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Make swearing in the intro past tense.
 * 10) **I believe in that context it is past tense.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * There's a source? tag in the first sentence of the bio.
 * 12) **Removed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * In the first sentence of the second section, state, "Due to her talents,".
 * 14) **Good idea.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Expand on her appearance in Death Star. She's given a lot of information in that book, and she has only a few sentences about it in her article. Trust me, you can get of alot of information about her in that book.
 * 16) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Link to 11 ABY and to Han, Chewie, and Kyp.
 * 18) **How'd we miss that? Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * You give no mention that she was going to keep Han and Chewie prisoners, and that she was going to execite Kyp.
 * 20) **Do now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Oh, please, please expand the Return to the Maw section. You give a paragraph for the last book of the Jedi Academy Series, which is just pathetic. She's one of the main antagonists in that book.
 * 22) **Done. Keep in mind her part in the last part of the trilogy was slim at best.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 02:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***I'm going to look into that book later. For now, I'm not striking the objection. Darthchristian 03:05, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I reread it, and you're right, though I could've sworn there was more to Daala in that book. Darthchristian 15:35, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Expand LOTF greatly, and merge the last two sections in "Second Galactic Civil War," and start it off with, "Daala eventually returned from hiding at the request of her former, Pellaeon...."
 * 27) **I haven't read the Legacy of the Force series yet, but as far as merging and such goes, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:53, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Expanded.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Also, you're not supposed to vote for the article you nommed anymore, so I guess strike that vote. These objections may be harsh, but this article really is not even close to FA quality at this point. Daala has a lot of potential, so I really want to see her article completely fleshed out. Fix those objections, and I'll come back for more. Darthchristian 00:26, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) The Praetorite objections
 * 31) * Maybe change the second "female" in the first sentence of the intro to "woman" to avoid the repetition?
 * 32) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *My main problem with this article is that there seems to be a lack of over-arching continuity in it:
 * 34) ** Commander Kratas should be mentioned early on, way before his death.
 * 35) ***He is now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ** All the information given in Revelation needs to be incorporated into earlier areas of the article as it essentially explains what goes on post Scylla-battle.
 * 37) ***She tells Pellaeon to contact her via the Darakaer message when she vanishes
 * 38) ***She remains in contact with Boba Fett, and calls upon him at Fondor.
 * 39) ***She gets back together with Liegeus, who's killed, she loses an eye and vows revenge against the Moffs
 * 40) ***At some point after the Battle of Bastion she gains control of the Chimaera
 * 41) ***She does planets favours during the Yuuzhan Vong War (her own words), accrues a fleet and mounts some of the ships with Metal-Crystal Phase Shifters&mdash;tech taken from the Maw when she memory dumps all its information.
 * 42) **There is also a large lack of context about the Yuuzhan Vong War and the Second Galactic Civil War.
 * 43) **I'm aware my objections are perhaps a little vague and require you to sift through Revelation, but as Darthchristian said this has a long way to go, and I'm not trying to be difficult. Basically, at the moment the sectioning is basically by appearance, with information chunked together as it has been received&mdash;probably because she's sat dormant for so long. Major respects for getting her off the shelf. Harrar 12:41, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Expanded. Please give more critique if you feel it's needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *** It's a good expansion, but I feel that the article is lacking a section between Later life and Second Galactic Civil War, or just an extension of the Later life section, in which you order the above information chronologically. I.e. Keeping in touch with Boba Fett, the Darakaer code, the Maw Irregular, her actions during the Yuuzhan Vong War. This would give the article better internal continuity in my opinion. What do you think? Harrar 18:47, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Well, my first inclination would be to disagree, since we have no idea (or at least to my knowledge) of when these things specifically happened (with exception to her role during the Yuuzhan Vong War), such as her giving the Darakaer code to Pellaeon, nor are there any specific details on these things (such as her forming the Maw Irregualr fleet). Once again, I have not read the LotF series, but I'm sure that there are no particulars (at least in dates) to these things, so that it would be impossible for us to say within the article when these things happened. So, at least in this case, over-arching continuity seems to be unlikely, or at least very difficult, to be established.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:20, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****It'd be tough because we really don't have any dates, and I tried to add context in the expansion to make it flow. I'll tinker with it and try your suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******Harrar: I made that change, and I personally think it's good. Keeps the flow going. Good suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 10:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) *******That's brilliant&mdash;exactly what it needed in my opinion. Nicely done. I'll wholeheartedly strike Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ***I am afraid I personally can do little to address your LOTF related objections, as I have not read the series, but I hope that one of my fellow project members can do so.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ****Having written a few FAs and being a member of this project, I can add this info.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:41, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) BtS could do with some work. Add info about her characterization/development, what sort of role she played, how her promotion in Invincible was controversial, etc. Also, some of the BtS is inaccurate: "aside from a brief mention which stated she was believed to be dead in the New Essential Chronology, disappeared from canon for 10 years." Aside from implying that it's now post-2011, it's wrong; she was mentioned many times in NJO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:59, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *Done, with the exception of the Invincible promotion thing.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:23, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) **When I added that tidbit, I put 10 years because the last published work she appeared in before LOTF was PoT, hence the 10 years. And by not appearing, I meant not physically apearing. I didn't count mentions.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:37, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***On a related note, she actually appeared in Death Star before Revelation. Thefourdotelipsis 09:31, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ****The related change shall be made to the BTS.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:08, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:41, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) Can you describe the events that occured at the end of Champions of the Force, that her crew still had confidence in Daala, the losses she had obtained, etc.? It shouldn't be much to write, its just the status of Daala and the Gorgon after the battle.
 * 59) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 19:09, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) *Most of what I was going to address was picked up by other users, so that's all I have for now. Expect to see a list of grammatic issues later this week, as that's the last thing I believe this article needs before becoming a FA. Once all of my objections that are unaddressed are fixed, and the other users' objections have been have fixed, then you might find this article to be a lot more improved. Darthchristian 15:51, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) Well, I'm not sure but where is Daala mentioned at the Battle of Shedu Maad? I've finished Invincible today but I can't remember any mention of her name. Janeway 11:24, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Oh, what about her appearence in The Princess Leia Diaries? Shouldn't that be added? Janeway 11:27, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) *It doesn't say she was in the battle, it just says that afterwards she was made Chief of State.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:09, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) *Daala and the Maw Irregular Fleet later took part in such crucial final battles of the war as the Battle of Roche and the Battle of Shedu Maad. I think that tells its own tale, doesn't it? Janeway 18:12, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **It was linked twice, hence the confusion. I didn't find any mention of her in the battle's article, so I removed the mention altogether. I hope that helps.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) **As to your other (what I am assuming is) objection, I cannot find any mention of Daala anywhere in relation to Leia's youth nor could I find how she could even fit in with the plot. I'll continue my search (I have not read the comic), although I urge you to keep an open mind, since she may not have a part in it at all, though who knows?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:31, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***If you can't find any mention, there won't be any important stuff. Besides it's a great article. Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Thank you.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "Daala had no real strategy, and intended only to cause as much damage as possible with her" That's contradictory; her strategy was to inflict maximum damage. Reword. (intro)
 * 3) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Somewhere, her flagship deserves a mention in the intro.
 * 5) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Rather poor linking to battle articles in the intro.
 * 7) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *"although the details of the affair are muddy. Presumably, following the end of the relationship" Remove this. It's speculative, and should be reworded somehow to allow for flow without making assumptions.
 * 9) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Better, but I believe it stated in Planet of Twilight that she left him out of a sense of duty or something like that. Flesh this out some more. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:54, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "Tarkin contacted her via holocam" Is that supposed to be holocomm?
 * 12) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * No context given on Undauntable.
 * 14) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *3rd para of Command of Maw needs some help. A quick glance shows a rather short syntax and present tense.
 * 16) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) *In the 4th para, clarify whether Fortressa was a freighter or battleship.
 * 18) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Rather unimpressive prose in those next two paragraphs. Particularly, combine the injury treatment and battle paragraphs from Death Star and try and make those sentences less choppy.
 * 20) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *There needs to be a new section between the Death Star and Jedi Search segments.
 * 22) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *A mention of Divini's use of Daala's name as a guise during the escape of the Death Star would be good.
 * 24) *More background on Daala's decision to attack Mon Calamari desired.
 * 25) *Expand and clean up the Battle of Mon Calamari paragraph. It doesn't read well and it's lacking in detail.
 * 26) * "Decimating" means to reduce by a tenth. Since we can't know specific fractions in most cases, please refrain from using this word whenever possible.
 * 27) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * "Daala realized it was just a distraction, and that Durron had already ignited the stars in the nebula with the Sun Crusher, and ordered all ships to immediately jump into hyperspace." Run-on; clear it up somehow please.
 * 29) **Fixed, I think.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * More context on prototype Death Star.
 * 31) **I think I got it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Kill the quote in prose in final Maw Installation battle.
 * 33) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * Check your "the"s in reference to ship names. Is it Basilisk or "the Basilisk"? Etc.
 * 35) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) *More detail on the conference needed (with warlords).
 * 37) *More detail on the sizable strike she ordered and on the buildup that preceded it.
 * 38) *I believe some of her vessels struck Khomm in retaliation for the Jedi infiltration. This should be mentioned.
 * 39) *Context on Galactic Voyager
 * 40) * Link to Battle of Yavin IV with Daala and Cronus.
 * 41) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * The correct term is "gas giant". Please correct this throughout the article.
 * 43) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Link to battle over Nam Chorios.
 * 45) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * More detail on her battle against Bel Iblis, specifically the CC-7700 bit.
 * 47) * "with a variety of deadly starship weapons designed by the Maw scientists themselves. During the devastating Yuuzhan Vong War, in which extra-galactic aliens waged war on the galaxy," Some POVishness here.
 * 48) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * "Her fleet, the, jumped out of hyperspace, surprising Caedus." What is missing here?
 * 50) **I dunno. But fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) *I dislike your frequent use of "this qualifier". Remove as many of these as possible from the prose. Quotes use the quote template; otherwise, they should be removed. Indicating facetiousness with quotation marks should be used as a last resort in formal writing. (Unless Gonk, Grae, Tope, or someone else more knowledgeable in English grammar can point me to a source saying otherwise).
 * 52) *Her willingness to flaunt regulations should be listed in P&T.
 * 53) *She could use a relationships section, as there is no equivalent mention in P&T.
 * 54) *"She always had a tendency to disappear enigmatically from continuity, only to reappear at an unexpected time." This sentence in BtS will need to be sourced, or else it is original research.
 * 55) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) *"All of Daala's Star Destroyers (Basilisk, Gorgon, Hydra, and Manticore) are named after mythical beasts,[4] perhaps implying that they are sister ships of the famous Chimaera.[15]" I don't see how this is pertinent to Daala herself. To the Maw fleet, certainly. Moreover, it appears to be speculation anyway and must die.
 * 57) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) *How that infobox picture was chosen is beyond me, but there's no way that is the highest quality image of Daala available.
 * 59) *More detail on her encounter with Callista and the Battle of Yavin would be good.
 * 60) **Added some. Is that sufficient?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) *I would personally combine Return to Maw and Private war.
 * 62) * You have a spelling error, I believe, in Daala's resignation quote. If it's not a typo, it needs to have a [sic] in it.
 * 63) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * Check your sources to make sure they are ordered chronologically.
 * 65) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:30, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) *She's given an appearance in The Princess Leia Diaries. Information from this will need to be included if it is not a "Mentioned Only". Ditto with Rebellion.
 * 67) *Reword "Daala was okay" That's far too informal.
 * 68) **Better-ified.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) *"Daala later showed Tarkin a video she had gotten from the" Change "had gotten".
 * 70) *"Extremely secure facility" could be reworded to be a little less POVish.
 * 71) **Changed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) *2GCW section needs fleshed out, with some longer sentences.
 * 73) *"Now though, it made Daala a force to be reckoned with" Flowery prose.
 * 74) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) *"Pellaeon, a man whom Daala had really liked," Informal.
 * 76) **Ugh. Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) *"In exchange for her letting bygones be bygones" Informal tone.
 * 78) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) *Her inaugural address and what she said needs a mention in Bio.
 * 80) *More detail needed from Planet of Twilight. One paragraph is far too little.
 * 81) *Need to mention her order for the attack on Khomm.
 * 82) **Does now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) *"What she found there, however, was total chaos." Flowery prose.
 * 84) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) *More details on Solo's interrogation.
 * 86) *Detail what was worked on at the Maw, along with maybe some of its key personnel.
 * 87) *"Though she made a valiant attempt to suppress the Sun Crusher with sheer numbers" POV in valiant.
 * 88) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) *More motivation on the decision to attack Mon Calamari.
 * 90) *"However, Tarkin took her on as his, using his influence to" As his what? Personal aide? Military advisor? Mistress?
 * 91) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) *Give some context on the location of her battle with Bel Iblis.
 * 93) *I'm with Ackbar on the size of this article. I'm thinking this needs at least another 5-10 KB of content for a thorough FA. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) It should probably mention Lady Tarkin or the fact that Tarkin was married in there somewhere (perhaps in the "Relationships" section). This is mentioned in both her and Tarkin's NEGTC entries. -- Ozzel 05:25, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm no Daala expert -- I haven't read any KJA novels -- but I would have expected this article to be way longer than the 42 KB -- the same length as Sagoro Autem and Jareal, two far more minor character FAs. Ysanne Isard, a similar sort of character (I think) who probably does a fair bit less than Daala, is 92 KBs. That's what I would expect Daala's article to look like, and it doesn't look like FA-class detail at the minute. But as I said, I'm no expert. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:54, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Ysanne Isard is much bigger and is featured in many novels and comics, where as Daala is only in a couple and for the most part conducts military campaigns, not political insurrections, assassinations, etc. It isn't a very good idea to compare Daala to Isard.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:12, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Okay, perhaps that was a bad comparison -- I did say I wasn't too familiar with Daala. I figured since Daala played a character-who-has-stuff-done-but-doesn't-do-much-herself who features in eight novels, and Isard is a similar type of character who features in 5 novels, a short story, and a comic arc, they might be similar. But even if my comparison is wrong, you cannot tell me that Daala's article should be only a tad longer than Czulkang Lah's and Morag's, and a fair bit less than Zuckuss's and Evir Derricote's. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I will admit that it may be lacking in some areas (Death Star and LotF series), but we have project members (I hope) working on these aspects of Daala's article, as this point has already been brought up. But that doesn't mean that the whole article is undetailed. But this is simply because I have not read material covering these parts, and I trust that it will be taken care of by the rest of Project Ambition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Serious shame in using that awful NEC one for main image and not using "Daala, you are such a pain!" Then again, it works if we want everyone to hate this character. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Kendal Ozzel

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm taking an awful risk here, Vader... This had better work.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 16:40, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn:
 * 2) *Intro:
 * 3) ** "..wealthy family owning land..." should be "wealthy landowning family."
 * 4) ** Change the last part of the first paragraph to: "Ironically, Ozzel did not achieve his goal of high rank due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as the Emperor's Hand Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision."
 * 5) ** Ozzel was not the Admiral of Death Sqaudron, no such title exists. Say he was the ranking officer of Death Squadron.
 * 6) ** add "his senior subordinate, Captain Firmus Piett".
 * 7) * Infobox:
 * 8) ** I feel that Ozzel is over associated. Rather than have Imperial Navy and Death Squadron, just have Death Squadron, since that was the facet of the Navy he was in.
 * 9) ***No, that's correct as is. We list all tiers of a faction, if known. Thefourdotelipsis 13:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Oh, very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Ozzel has a blond mustache.
 * 12) *Ascension and Death:
 * 13) ** Change "He was assigned as the commander..." to "He was assigned to the Executor, the flagship of both Darth Vader and the task force Death Sqaudron, as its commanding officer, with Captain Firmus Piett as his senior subordinate."
 * 14) **Try to milk as much info out of ESB as possible.
 * 15) * BTS:
 * 16) ** Several parts of the BTS are unsourced.
 * 17) ***While this was changed, for future reference it didn't have to be. All parts of the BTS were sourced, if not by tags then by statements that sourced themselves by stating their source within the sentence. - Lord Hydronium 14:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Just to add to this, the way it is now I'd call it overreferenced. - Lord Hydronium 14:25, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****That's what I was thinking. I'll remove them, if they haven't been removed already. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ** Rather than say who thought what about him, try to include all their opinions in one blow.
 * 21) ** Change "action" to "actions".
 * 22) ** "Active" should be "activate".
 * 23) ** Change "a large majority" to "the majority".
 * 24) * Though not an official objection, I'd like for the Black Nebula red link to be filled in if possible.
 * That's about all I can think of at this moment, I may try and fix somethings myself after my objections have been addressed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:55, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Uh, if there is no such title of "Admiral of Death Squadron," why is he the admiral in charge of Death Squadron? Otherwise, done. Additionally, I don't have Scoundrel's Luck, so I can't do anything about the Black Widow Nebula redlink. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no "Admiral of Death Squadron" but there is "Commander of Death Squadron".-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fine, "Admiral in charge of Death Squadron." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Mention should be made that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy on Coruscant.
 * 3) * Mention should be made that Ozzel achieved the rank of Captain of the Line before being transferred to the Coruscant Naval Academy, and that he was transferred because his superiors felt he was not able to command in the field.
 * 4) * Mention should be made that he taught naval history and languages at the academy.
 * 5) * For the Personality and traits section, no mention is made of his bullish attitude and lack of common sense, his argumentative attitude, his being a disciplinarian and stickler for rules, and his bias against females and non-humans while teaching at the academy.
 * 6) *All the above is from the Official Star Wars Fact Files. If you need help on some of it, let me know. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **If you could leave me details on each of your comments on my talk page with the specific Fact File they came from, I'd be more than happy to add the information in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 02:44, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just to let you know, I'll have this taken care of by tonight; it's a busy day for me. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:01, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:05, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Happy to help with the content, but there's a few other things about the article I noticed. Please see below. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 12) * An expansion on the situation on Teardrop, with a link to the Teardrop massacre should be included.
 * 13) **Okay - more expansion is needed here I feel. Remember, context is everything. Why were the Rebels on Teardrop? How did the Empire learn of their presence? How were the Rebels able to escape? Why was the Millennium Falcon there? Why did the Empire chose to kill innocent civilians? Also, mention Dreflin's involvement on the surface and his altercation with Daric LaRone which led to his death.
 * 14) ***Frankly, I don't think all that is needed, as they had nothing to do with Ozzel. I added why Ozzel was there and what he did in the system, but I don't want the paragraph to end up sounding like a summary of the first few chapters of Allegiance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Include details of the plans to kill Mara Jade.
 * 16) **A little something on why Ozzel agreed to eliminate Jade is needed - did he believe that the Stormtrooper desertion incident would look bad on his record, etc. Also, why was the Falcon at the pirate base in the first place?
 * 17) ***I've added why he agreed, but again, I think that adding why the Falcon was there has nothing to do with Ozzel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * It's been a while since I read Allegiance, but does Ozzel have any reaction to/ knowledge of/ direct contact with/ orders to deal with the Hand of Judgment?
 * 19) * Concerning the information regarding the differing viewpoints on his ascension to Admiral: consider removing He led Death Squadron alongside Vader into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY that ended in a Rebel escape., from the end of the third paragraph of Ascent, and adding the first three lines from the fourth paragraph to the third, from "Speculation abounded ... to ... members of the general staff". This will consolidate all the information on his promotion into one paragraph.
 * 20) * Following on from the last comment, add the line removed from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph, since the fourth will now deal with his actual command of the vessel. This may require a little rewriting so it fits.
 * 21) * Not an objection - regarding the BTS info on the origination of Ozzel's first name - this link may be useful to you as it confirms the existance of the Danny Kendall character in the series, and a small piece on his relationship with Sheard's character. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **I've done some of it, but the rest will have to wait until this evening. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:09, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Having been busy all week, I'll try to get this done tomorrow night. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:51, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:22, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****Okay, I struck most of them, but I still feel more expansion on the Allegiance events is needed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:51, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 27) * Allegiance info needs a mention in intro. His role is certainly large enough.
 * 28) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 01:03, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ***More, please. Trying to kill an Emperor's hand and being embroiled in that sort of sector intrigue is certainly relevant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:37, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * "He attended the finest naval academy" Some POV here.
 * 32) **That's what it says in the sources. Can't help that. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Irrelevant. The sources don't have to be neutral, especially if they're IU. Our article has to be. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Regardless, it needs to be shown that he attended the finest naval academy. It's important to the article. Unless you can find a better way to word it, I'm not going to remove it. I may be acting rude; if so, I apologize, but I really want that kept in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *****I placed a fix in there. "the finest naval academy" vs. "What was considered the finest naval academy." An even better fix would be to say who called it the finest naval academy, if that information is available. (e.g. "What was considered the finest naval academy by _____".) Since you're new to the FAN page, I'm trying to help out, but future reviews shouldn't be carried out like this. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ******It doesn't say who considered it to be the finest. Like I noted above, all it says in the source is that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *******I understand that and the point I'm trying to make is that you simply can't say that in the article. Since the narrator of the Fact Files is unknown, it can be left with the fix I've inserted, but for future reference, even if the source says "Vader was the finest duelist" or "attended the best naval academy", that's still POV and cannot be placed in the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * 2nd para of Early life is out of order chronologically. Please amend.
 * 39) **How so? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:52, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ***It seems to me that you should place Solo's trial before the instructor stint, since it was only for "a short time" and Solo's court-martial was well before Yavin. That said, I haven't read the relevant sources aside from the Han Solo Trilogy. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Will do. Thanks for clearing that up; I don't have the Han Solo trilogy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * I'm fairly certain it's called Reprisal throughout Allegiance, not the Reprisal. Please adjust accordingly.
 * 44) **I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***If the warship is referred to as "Reprisal went here and did things" and not "the Reprisal went here and did things" in Allegiance, then the extra "the" needs to be removed. IIRC, Reprisal is the canon usage. Could be wrong there, it's been a few months. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Does it really matter? I thought there was a policy here to put "the" before the name of a ship, with a few exceptions like Home One and Slave One. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****Besides, I see "the Reprisal" used a lot. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:19, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******A check of Allegiance shows it is "The Reprisal". For future reference, it does matter and we follow canon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Context on Mara Jade needed in the body.
 * 50) **How much more do I need? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Your first mention just says "Mara Jade". Throw in a few adjectives or something to give us context; the reader might not know who that is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Will do. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * "The colonel's reasoning was that agents could easily end up somewhere during a military strike and be killed." You switch from Mara being a lone agent to "agents". While I do know the storyline behind this, it's not clear in the article.
 * 55) **The colonel specifically said that agents die all the time. Not my wording, but his. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ***It's still not clear and you could still mention her ISB colleagues that she picked up to clarify it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Well, I suppose I could clarify by adding "Imperial agents, such as the Emperor's Hand, could easily..." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * No context on Gillia.
 * 60) **There's really nothing else I can write about it without going into too much detail on the Hand of Judgment. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ***A few words is all I'm asking. You can't just introduce a planet name, character, or ship without giving some descriptor. Case in point: The light freighter Millennium Falcon vs. Millennium Falcon. The first is a better way of wording it and provides basic context. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Is there a real need to harp on his stupidity twice in the same line in P&T?
 * 64) **Which line? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) ***"Kendal Ozzel was considered . . . stupid." and "Darth Vader considered Ozzel . . . stupid." It's the same thing and it's redundant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) * "He was a disciplinarian, and every detail had to be perfect." Not very clear and contradictory in light of lax nature of stormtrooper discipline.
 * 68) **Fact File says he was a disciplinarian and every detail had to be perfect, and Allegiance says he let off-duty soldiers walk around without their armor. Can't change that; sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Then you'll need to come up with an acceptable way of phrasing it or make a note of the contradiction in BtS, but regardless, it needs to be addressed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * More P&T data on the lengths he was willing to go to in order to cover his back from Allegiance would be good.
 * 72) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * You'll need to provide an exact reference on that official site mention.
 * 74) **What mention? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ***"and later made its way to the official website." This is sitting in the BTS without a reference. Please find one and add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ****I'm afraid I can't help you there. That was the biggest issue I had involving referencing. Would a link to the Databank suffice? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) *****No, a Databank link won't suffice. Fair warning: If you don't find that link, this won't be a Featured Article any time soon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) ******I'll just remove it, then. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:17, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) *******Rather, I simply added that the name made its way to the Databank and added a ref. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:54, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) ********Much better. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:08, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 83) *"to increase his standing in the Navy" -- no previous mention is made of the Navy before this, so it's kind of sudden. Please document that he joined the Navy, etc. before talking about his machinations.
 * 84) **I moved it to the P&T section. I think it's better off there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ***The transition is still rather sudden; it talks of how he used the family name to rise through the ranks of the military, and then states that he attended the naval academy. Please revise this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Frankly, I don't think it's sudden. The only way I could possibly fix this is by putting "He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." at the beginning of the next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *****Is this satisfactory? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) *Some mention of what being a "captain of the line" curtailed would be good.
 * 89) **I would add something, but there's no mention of what he did as a Captain of the Line. I could speculate about what he did in that rank based on the Captain of the Line article, but there's really nothing I could use. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) ***Some sort of the explanation would help, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) ****Like I said, there's no record of what he did as a Captain of the Line; speculating on it would not work. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) *****We know he was a Captain of the Line. We know what a captain of the line did. If you want to avoid saying that Ozzel did anything, just include a description of what a genetic Captain of the Line did. If you're careful with the wording, you'll be fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) ******Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:34, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) *The first two sections seem of kind of...skin and bones. Things aren't elaborated enough, and stuff seems thrown in without care to make it fit. Also, "Solo later sighted Ozzel aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched" should be rewritten from Ozzel's point of view, and clarified somewhat.
 * 95) **I'm afraid I don't have Scoundrel's Luck (where the info on Ozzel onboard the Executor in the Black Widow Nebula came from). Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) ***That is unfortunate, but the objection must stand.
 * 97) ****I reworded the sentence in question to be from Ozzel's point-of-view, but I'll need to find someone with Scoundrel's Luck to get all the information. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) *****Info from Scoundrel's Luck added, thanks to help from Jaymach. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) ******I don't know what else to add to this section; as far as I can tell, that's all the info. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * No context on the Millenium Falcon, and Solo is reintroduced in "Ascent" rather suddenly, as if the article assumes readers are already familiar with the source material.
 * 101) **I believe I've taken care of that now. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * Wasn't Mara an Emperor's Hand and not the Emperor's Hand?
 * 103) **Allegiance (and Ozzel) refer to her as the Emperor's Hand if I'm not mistaken, but... done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) ***Fair enough, but Ozzel was speaking out of ignorance. Thanks for changing it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) *" Regardless of the nature of these rumors" -- this doesn't seem right (or "encyclopedic" or whatever). Please remove, reword, or clarify.
 * 106) **Removed "of the nature of these rumors." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) * I haven't read My Brother, My Enemy, but surely the info from it could be expanded. Like a lot of other stuff in the article, it seems to have been thrown in haphazardly without proper explanation.
 * 108) **There's nothing more. He just stands there and says one line. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) ***But, presumably, his ship/the fleet/whatever does a lot more than that one line, and all of that is relevant to Ozzel.
 * 110) ****True. I'll take care of it when I find the comics in my ever-growing pile of comics I finished reading. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:36, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 112) * "In 1 ABY the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord between Vader's fleet commanders. Ozzel took the bait and believed the rumors that said that Vader wanted to replace him with a junior officer" -- this needs to be explained properly. How did the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord?, how exactly did Ozzel "take the bait"?, etc.
 * 113) **Don't have the relevant source. Sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 114) ***You might want to try this site for info. I've often used it in the past for Galaxies info and it is fairly comprehensive. You could also try the Star Wars Galaxies Wiki, which is supposed to be in good shape. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) ****Not finding anything on either site. I searched for "Sow Discord" on both sites, and there's nothing. I'll ask around IRC for info. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:34, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 116) *****Removed on the advice of Darth Culator on IRC. It seems that Ozzel does not appear in Galaxies at all, as the mission "Sow Discord" does not exist. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:42, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 117) * "Additionally, Ozzel would publicly criticize Vader." If the info exists, please say when, in what context, to whom, and give any examples of this occurring.
 * 118) **If I recall correctly, it was only briefly mentioned in a Fact File article, without any details. I'll check on that, though. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) * The last paragraph of "Ascent" could be fleshed out a bit, I would think. Also, "Ascent" seems appropriate for only some of the content of the section, as the second half pertains to happenings after his ascent.
 * 120) **I think I may have fixed this when addressing Toprawa and Ralltiir's objection. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 121) *Have you checked the ESB novel, radio, or Marvel adaptations for info? Surely there is some.
 * 122) **I checked the Marvel adapation, but I don't have access to the novel or radio adaptations. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 123) ***I've added info from the radio adaptation/script. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) ****Added a little from the novel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 16:06, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) *****Is anything else from the novel needed? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) *Generally, things -- even things you may not think are all that relevant to Ozzel -- need to be properly explained, contextified, and expanded; the majority of the article, in fact. It's good at the minute, and I applaud you for choosing a relatively major character for your first solo FAN, but it is still not up to FA scratch, IMHO, and still has some ways to go.
 * 127) **Some examples of "things" would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) ***"Things" means objects, people, ships, places, etc that are introduced in the article. Examples are included in several of my above objections. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 129) **More later. Just to note, I won't be very active for the next week at least, so I may be slow to respond to or strike objections. My apologies. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) Toprawa:
 * 131) *You're missing info from the ESB radio drama and RD script. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) **Don't have either. If you could provide a link to the script, that would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:31, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 133) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) ****Anything else, Toprawa? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 135) Missing info from  and, with regards to the Imperial Propaganda about his death and Executor ' s unveiling.. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:36, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) *You wouldn't happen to have both, would you? I'm afraid I don't have those as well. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:08, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 137) **Done. Thanks for the help. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:45, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) Fiolli's Famous Pasta Bowl:
 * 139) *"Ironically, he did not become an admiral due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision." Does the sentence end at disloyalty or at skills with the other part being a separate idea? Please reword and clarify.
 * 140) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 141) *The first paragraph of the biography is only two sentences long. Please merge this with the next or reshuffle the sentences to "beef things up."
 * 142) **Merged. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 143) *"He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." Do we have a name of the academy? Does the Fact File (or any other source) list it as "the finest" or "one of the finest"? If not, this is not neutral in POV.
 * 144) **No name for the academy, and the Fact File does indeed label it as the finest naval academy. Ironically, this same thing was brought up in Atarumaster's objections, and he ended up adding "what was considered the finest naval academy." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink)
 * 145) *Not necessarily an objection, but more of a question: "Ozzel was later aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched. Solo and Chewbacca were captured by the Executor, and Ozzel interrogated Solo onboard the bridge of the Super Star Destroyer about his presence in the nebula." The reference-note that is inserted about Ozzel appearing on condition of the player is good, but is his appearance considered canon?
 * 146) **I'm not quite sure, considering the book is a make-your-own-adventure. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 147) ***Added "It is unknown if this is considered canon" to the reference. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 148) *First paragraph of Ascent: The reference-note states that it is assumed he was present. Does the Adventure Journal say he was present? If his title is incorrect, discuss it in the BtS as a continuity issue and possibly in the main body of the article if it can be properly worked in. For example, "Even though misidentified as the Admiral of&hellip;" if SWAJ can be considered IU.
 * 149) **He's indeed present. I forgot about adding that into the BtS; I make sure to do that when I get the chance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 150) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 151) *Also, the first paragraph of "Ascent" is only one sentence long. Please reorganize this section.
 * 152) **Merged into next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 153) *"Ozzel later oversaw the massacre of "Rebel sympathizers" on the planet, ordered by Imperial Security Bureau Major Drelfin and blamed it on Rebel agitators present in the town." Expand slightly on the massacre, since it wasn't a bombardment from Ozzel's ship; it was a ground operation.
 * 154) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 155) *"When stormtrooper Daric LaRone killed Drelfin in self-defense after confronting him about the killing of civilians on Teardrop, he fled the Reprisal with a group of fellow stormtroopers who witnessed the killing." Please reword. I think I understand what you are trying to say, but it is a bit convoluted.
 * 156) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 157) *"Ozzel and Colonel Somoril mistakenly believed that the subsequent arrival of Emperor's Hand Mara Jade, who at the time was investigating a group of pirates known as the BloodScars in connection to six stolen paintings found in Moff Glovstoak's possession, in Shelsha sector was part of a high-level investigation into the incident, and they conspired in an unsanctioned scheme to kill her after discovering that she had accessed the ship's personnel files, bridge log, and flight log." This needs to be broken up.
 * 158) **Broken up. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 159) *"Regardless, Ozzel was in command of hunting down the Alliance High Command headquarters using whatever devices he deemed necessary." Regardless of what? When starting a new section, the prior should be referenced if possible in transitional clauses.
 * 160) **It was originally "Regardless of the nature of these rumors," the "rumors" part referring to Vader supposedly wanting to replace Ozzel with a junior officer. This was removed after its reference proved to be false; I'll just removed "Regardless." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 161) ***Removed. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 162) *"One of these raids proved to be successful, as Ozzel led Death Squadron alongside Vader from the Executor into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY after Rebel mathematician-turned-brainwashed Imperial agent Jorin Sol attempted to assassinate the Rebel commanders aboard their flagship Rebel One and Imperial Lieutenant Janek Sunber tried to capture Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa to deliver them to Vader." Please break this up.
 * 163) **Broken up. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 164) *"Ozzel publicly criticized Vader while in this position." Was Ozzel aboard Avenger for his remarks, or was merely the fleet in that formation?
 * 165) **A bit of a mistake on my part. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 166) ***Fixed. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 167) *"Following the battle, Ozzel's remains were sent to his homeworld of Cardia, where he was honored at a ceremony at the Corulag Academy." The Corulag Academy is on Corulag and not Cardia. Perhaps the SWAJs are not that accurate in their information. Mention this in the continuity issues of the BtS as well.
 * 168) **No, the AJs say "Corulag," and explicitly state that its his homeworld. This obviously contradicts what we already know from the Databank. Is the Databank the only source to establish his homeworld as Carida? I dunno what you want to do, Tranner. Perhaps you could make the bit in the biography more ambigious, just stating it was taken to the academy on his homeworld? And a BtS note obviously. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:54, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 169) ***I'll go with your suggestion, Ackbar. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:44, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 170) ****Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 171) *"Kendal Ozzel was considered inept, disloyal, easily manipulated, and stupid,&hellip;" By whom? Add then end the sentence there and begin the next sentence with something such as "These traits made many wonder&hellip;."
 * 172) **Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 173) *The quote at the head of the P&T suggests he is predictable. Add this somewhere into this section.
 * 174) **Added. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 175) *Some additional thoughts:
 * 176) **I would do a double-check through the article and make certain you have a good rotation of sentence subject alternatives. (ie. "Ozzel&hellip;," "He&hellip;," "The Admiral&hellip;," etc.) I tried to balance it a bit, but keep an eye out for it.
 * 177) ***I think it's pretty good. Let me know if you think otherwise. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 178) **Lastly, be careful of run-on sentences.
 * 179) ***I don't think I have any run-on sentences in there anymore, but I could be wrong. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 180) *Keep up the hard work, Tranner, and this will become an FA.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:05, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 181) **Thanks! Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "However, the depiction of Vader's recovery here contradicts that shown in Star Wars Empire 14: The Savage Heart." - Vader: The Ultimate Guide has the Scoundrel's Luck events take place right after Vader is picked up from Vaal (in fact, Sodarra from SL is the one who recovers him from Vaal), so I don't think this is true. - Lord Hydronium 21:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wasn't aware of that. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:27, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wait, it still contradicts Ozzel's command of the Reprisal at this time. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:30, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that part's fine to mention, but Vader's recovery isn't contradictory, is what I'm saying. Or at least not between those two sources. - Lord Hydronium 23:02, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * So I only have to remove that one line then, right? No problem. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:23, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Just a note to all those with objections needing to be addressed: I'm busy all week helping teach at a guitar camp for 6 to 8-year-olds, so please be patient. I'll do my best to satisfy all objections as soon as I get a chance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If anyone has access to the ESB novel, Scoundrel's Luck, or Star Wars Galaxies Rebel mission "Sow Discord", I'd appreciate some help with getting info from the three sources. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You should ask around in IRC and see if anyone can help you out or point you toward the sources online. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Listen, I don't want to sound annoying, but I really need some more Inqs to review this article. I'd also greatly appreciate help with info from Scoundrel's Luck and Galaxies. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Satal Keto

 * Nominated by: —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 01:44, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Brought to you by the classic 1980's version of Tommy9281. Enjoy!

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) I think you're right; Satal and Aleema were definitely kissing cousins.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:08, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  17:23, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:14, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:13, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Graveyard of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * Third paragraph of Battle on Onderon: "while" in consecutive sentences.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * I think you should remove the quote from the middle of the prose. I believe it’s against policy, but I’m not sure.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Might want to give a little context about how he caught Jeth.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "...that they went, he would find them." I don’t get what you are trying to say.
 * 9) **Forgot a word. Addressed.
 * 10) * I think you're about to get your's chance." Does the quote really says your’s?
 * 11) **Typo, addressed.
 * 12) * You source some things by DLOTS # and some by just DLOTS. Please choose one method, specific issue or arc.
 * 13) **Another accident. I got it now, addressed.
 * 14) **Source by arc, if you can, please. If you need help with issue numbers, check the issue articles, or hit up me, Acky, or Greyman. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***I got it, just a mistake on my part. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:40, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Might want to give a bit about what happened with Aleema, the Krath and Ulic in Legacy.
 * 17) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 18) * I’d add a little bit about how he more cowardly than Aleema in P&T. You’ve got something like that, just expand a little.
 * 19) **Addressed also, I believe.
 * 20) *Cool, cool.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:31, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Jadson. If anything else is required, please advise. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:40, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:KrathBeginnings.jpg needs to be cropped at top.
 * 1) *Addressed.
 * Image:KetoCrash2.jpg, Image:KetosFightJedi.jpg, and Image:SatalQuestionsUlic.jpg have visible frame.
 * 1) *Addressed.
 * Image:Satal'sAmulet.jpg just plain needs a rescan. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:08, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *If someone can grab a better scan for me, I would be appreciative. Otherwise, it'll be a few days. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 01:45, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *With assistance from JMAS, I believe this has finally been addressed. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 22:59, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 4) * From the intro: he became the lover of Aleema, further spurning Satal's jealousy - the word "spurning" doesn't appear to fit into this sentence. Feels like it should be something like "spurring" or "inflaming".
 * 5) **Whoops, addressed.
 * 6) * First paragraph of Coruscant endeavor - is there any background information you can give as to why Satal and Aleema were the heirs to Empress Teta despite being cousins? Something on the lineage of the ruling family perhaps? Without some context, I fell that the first few sentences read a little awkwardly.
 * 7) **Addressed in IRC.
 * 8) * From the Legacy section - why did Qel-Droma trick Aleema into killing herself at Kemplex IX?
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Do we have any information on how Sebban Keto is related to Satal other than simply being an ancestor? Satal is not mentioned to have any children or other siblings.
 * 11) **Addressed via IRC.
 * 12) * Should there be some P&T info on his military abilities? He appears to have been the military commander before Qel-Droma was granted the title of Warlord.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) *Interesting read - these articles make me want to read TotJ in-depth. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Pleasure doing business with you (Tommy deactivates his lightsaber), Cav. Anything else, please let me know. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:06, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) He's referred to as "Satal" in a lot of places where "Keto" could be used without any confusion. Change them unless it's a sentence where people might get confused between him and Aleema. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:16, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Before anyone says anything, he is referred to by first name all throughout because it couldn't be done any other way. Also, the first quote of the article is formatted that way to depict Satal listening to the news report as opposed to having a conversation with someone.  —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 02:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Montross

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The voice of Clancy Brown compels you.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:42, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Very Crowded Desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "When a young boy called Jango Fett joined the Mandalorians and became like a son to Mereel, Montross grew enraged at Mereel's favoritism and contemptuous of Fett." This sentence just reads awkwardly to me.
 * 3) * You use "supposedly" twice in the first sentence of the second paragraph.
 * 4) * "When they arrived, the resistance proved not to be minimal." Too corny, IMO.
 * 5) * How did Sebolto kill himself?
 * 6) * You start two consecutive sentences with "as" in the same paragraph.
 * 7) *Mandos were better before Traviss.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:02, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Resolved all of those. Except Traviss. :P - Lord Hydronium 10:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 10) * "Montross shooting down stragglers as they retreated" Clarify whose stragglers are being shot here.
 * 11) * "Fett led them to the closest town to his family's farm, where the Mandalorians expected Vizsla to go to resupply;" Reword/clarify.
 * 12) * "Mereel followed and ordered Montross to abort his run and do the same." Followed where?
 * 13) * "Upon arriving, though, they were ambushed by the Death Watch, who had in fact hired the Mandalorians to lure them into a trap. " Clarify Death Watch involvement, please.
 * 14) * "Montross had personal contempt of Fett, considering him a child and believing him to be a coward, but as an opportunist, he also believed that Mereel's attachment would interfere with his picking of a successor." Reword/Clarify.
 * 15) *Fascinating BTS. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:43, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **All resolved. - Lord Hydronium 02:33, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 18) * "becoming like a son to Mereel" &mdash; this reads a bit awkwardly; please revise.
 * 19) * "who told the true story of Mereel's death" &mdash; to whom? This could be clarified some.
 * 20) * The intro says that Montross killed Rozatta, but this is not made clear in the bio &mdash; it merely says that he told Fett she was still alive.
 * 21) * "However, Montross was a coward" &mdash; fairly blatant POV. Please state who thought him to be a coward, or, if that info doesn't exist, reword it to be a bit milder.
 * 22) * "Fett considered Montross to be the hardest opponent he had ever faced" &mdash; I think Mace Windu might have changed Fett's opinion on the matter. I would suggest adding an "as of 27 BBY" or something to the end of the sentence.
 * 23) *What's the holdup on the images? I'd rather they were added before this is passed.
 * 24) **Good work. Very interesting character and BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:10, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Images are coming. The infobox image will get replaced with a headshot when that happens, too. - Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Zaerdra

 * Nominated by: Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And to think I said to myself "no more character FAs" only yesterday..

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 00:20, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:47, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Keep that speculation out, though.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:26, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:22, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( You're all clear kid! )( Now let's blow this thing and go home! [[Image:Revanchist Sith.svg|20px]] 02:02, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Fine dance around out-right speculation of her death.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:52, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) This is a minor problem but the "100% lightside" tab blocks the other picture. It looks sloppy in my opinion. If thats resolved then I'll vote for it.  NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:03, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Preliminaries: After some attempts to clean up the intro myself, I still find it lacking in comprehension. Please revisit, adding context where necessary. Frankly, I can say the same for the bio.  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:06, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *I'm not certain if you mean "comprehension" or "comprehensiveness", but in any case, the article has been revisited with an eye for correcting both.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:34, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **COMPREHENSION "2 a: the act or process of comprising b: the faculty or capability of including : comprehensiveness" – From Webster's Dictionary. Graestan ( Talk ) 21:48, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Grass clippings:
 * 6) * "A devoted member and ward of Thek" is a bit redundant, after the previous sentences.
 * 7) **Hmm, thought that'd been fixed earlier. Oh well, it's remedied now.
 * 8) * Lightfight?
 * 9) **It's like saying "firefight" -- it's an in-universe term that could probably use its own article, which I'd be happy to create if requested have now created and linked to.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:40, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) I actually have a problem with the death speculation. Like I did with Gwellib Ap-Llewff, I'd like to see you remove the speculation but still mention the bombardment, and let readers put 2 and 2 together. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:44, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *Death speculation removed, but per your suggestion, info about the bombardment and its scope was kept.
 * 13) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 14) * First sentence of Mandalorian invasion - I think that you should set up the fact that Zaerdra was a Hidden Bek and her relationship to Thek before mentioning the Mandalorian invasion.
 * 15) **Reworded.
 * 16) * I think a link to the Padawan massacre needs to be included when setting up the introduction of Zayne Carrick. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:57, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Link added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:17, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) One more thing: Something about her unusual appearance and distinctive garb in the P&T would be helpful. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:30, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:51, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **"Oddly colored for a Twi'lek" is OR. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:30, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 22) * "ever got into her stuff again." Reword for formality; particularly important in the intro.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * "This forced Thek to apologize for her abrupt behavior on a number of occasions, including when Thek" Clarify.
 * 25) **Reworded.
 * 26) * Two sentences with identical syntax at the end of P&T could use a little variety.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * Is there a reason Sith Empire is pipelinked, but Sith isn't linked at all?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) *That's all. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thank you, but it's time for sleep...zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz... Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:45, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Toprawa:
 * 33) *This description doesn't apply well to what you have written here. You write that she met these people with hostility, but that Thek tells her he can still defend himself...these are ideas are not connected by anything. Did she treat them poorly to protect Thek? Clean this up, please: "she greeted the amnesiac former Dark Lord of the Sith Revan, accompanied by Republic officer Carth Onasi, with open hostility. This outburst forced Thek to apologize to his guests and to remind Zaerdra that he could still take care of himself."
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) *Can we link a battle to this at all? If not, please create a red link: "When the Mandalorians laid siege and eventually invaded the strategically-located planet"
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) *What meeting place? Context needed for the significance of this, please: "were flown to the meeting place, where Sowrs and her own resistance group were."
 * 38) **Addressed.
 * 39) *Firing from the surface? So where are they, on top of a building? Flying through the sky? You should revisit this paragraph as a whole and add greater detail: "a group of Mandalorian Neo-Crusaders firing at them from the surface."
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) *To be quite honest, I'm lost at this point as to what the lines of battle are here. Are the Beks friends with the Constable and her forces? It seems like they are, but then three sentences later they're "confronting" each other. Again, greater background detail needed throughout this paragraph. Please revisit: "After a confrontation between the Beks and members of the Constable's resistance movement"
 * 42) **Addressed.
 * 43) **Additionally, as an addendum to the two previous objections, a lot of this seems very periphery to what Zaerdra is doing. She seems lost among what the group is doing collectively, with only minimal mention of her throughout this paragraph. Please go back and do what you can to better present everything from Zaerdra's role, not the group's.
 * 44) ***Well, she is in a gang.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *Per our quote precedent, your section section quote should not be in quote format
 * 46) **Addressed.
 * 47) *Please consider this phase 1 as I go through this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:25, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) **My circuits are a-buzz with anticipation of your next round of objections.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Normally, such a speculation about a character's death would be verboten, but seeing as it was likely a result of the bombardment of Taris, it wouldn't seem too out-of-place. 1,103 words by last count.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The article itself is fine, but I'm a touch concerned about the illustration. You've got one image from the comics, but in the section about the game events, which is a touch confusing. Furthermore, the comic image doesn't really illustrate anything...it's just Zaedra, Weaver-style. I think that a better image can be culled from the comics and placed in the relevant section, and then perhaps another screenshot from the game could be placed in that relevant section. Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Darth Wyyrlok (III)

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: See...I'm not totally biased against Legacy...

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:44, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:09, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Legacy isn't that bad.... DC 16:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:51, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:51, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From a guy who isn't at all biased against Legacy:
 * 2) * Darth Talon didn't report to Krayt that Cade had healing powers, Moff Rus did. Change this, but don't forget that it was Talon who informed Krayt that Cade existed.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Only Nihl defeated Cade. Talon was disarmed and defeated by Skywalker. Change this appropriately.
 * 5) **Is this clear in the comic? It looks like Talon is moving her arm, using the Force against him or something...am I missing some visual clue?
 * 6) ***They're dueling, Cade has the upper hand against Talon, and Nihl interrupts the duel by Force choking Cade. Talon had nothing to do with Cade's defeat.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "...which was a Yuuzhan Vong torture device." "Which was"" isn't needed and makes the sentence seem like you're reading it to a child.
 * 9) **Removed.
 * 10) *"Former Senator Gial Gahan had been implicated in aiding the Galactic Alliance with the theft, and so Krayt had him arrested." The latter part of the sentence doesn't read right.
 * 11) **Could you clarify that a bit more, please? I'm not seeing what's wrong there.
 * 12) ***It just feels like it's missing something in the latter part of the sentence. Maybe just put after it, "for the crime," something around those lines.
 * 13) ****I feel that would make the sentence a tad unwieldy. I'm afraid I just don't agree here. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *****Okay. I see where you're coming from. DC 19:18, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * I think you could make a short P&A section for Wyyrlok, since he is, after all, the master of Sith lore and magic in Krayt's order.
 * 16) **It'd be a sentence at most...I think that 27 will probably give me enough to deal with in that regard, but at the moment it'd be rather paltry and...ugly.
 * 17) ***Hmmmm.....I don't know how it would look. I'll try to see if I can write one, and see how it looks after that. I'll strike the objection though. Darthchristian 16:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *Great article, Fourdot. Darthchristian 02:33, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) Great article, but I'd like to see two minor additions. It should be mentioned that he hoped his daughter would become the next Wyyrlok, and I think mention should be made that he was to only Sith who knew of Krayt's true identity. Other than that it's excellent. Kudos for using "Krayt was not pleased." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:31, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Got the daughter thing in the P/T, and...are you sure about the Hett knowledge thing? Is that stipulated in the comic? I must have missed it. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *** I believe it is, but I certainly could be wrong. I've got one thing for you: "He then dismissed them, before openly stating that the "Fel" he had just killed was actually a double. After reprimanding his head of intelligence, Darth Maladi, for failing to detect the ruse, he dismissed everyone but Wyyrlok." I'm a bit confused about the dismissing people twice thing. Did he dismiss just the Moffs the first time? A little clarification would help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:52, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ***** Now you use "dismissed" three times in that paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:39, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **** The identity thing was actually an assumption on my part, though a mention of how Krayt trusted him with it -- but not the other Sith -- in the P&T would be good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *****Maybe I'm not following, or maybe I missed something critical in the comic, but is there anything that says that the other Sith don't know about the Hett thing? It might have been in an issue I didn't read or something...I dunno. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ******Hmmm. Actually, forget about it. I just rechecked the comic and I was misremembering something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:44, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) Quotes need to be improved. They are more fit for a recap than for a character article. The whole "dual lightsabers" and "master of Sith Lore" stuff fits better in a "powers and abilities" section than in a sub-section of his biography --Gonzalo84 19:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Well, quote are quotes, and their "quality" tends to be entirely subjective. However, since you're the second person to mention a P&A section, I'm going to relent. :P I've moved that info now. Thefourdotelipsis 00:51, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ** Still mantain my opinion regarding quotes. There's also redundant information (about being the Third Wyyrlok) at the introduction section that would fit better in the Bio itself. --Gonzalo84 04:40, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***The intro is meant to repeat the info from the bio, in a compressed form. Thefourdotelipsis 04:50, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***You're going to have to clarify your objection about the quotes, Gonzalo. "Quotes need to be improved" is not a helpful objection - I'd suggest you offer alternatives for some of them so 4dot can know what you're looking for. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:33, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *****Fine.--Gonzalo84 04:17, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 35) * Servitude: His grandfather being the first Darth Wyyrlok is mentioned twice. The second should probably be reworded.
 * 36) **The pitfalls of doing things out of order. Fixed.
 * 37) * Krayt's rise to power: "Krayt had his order side with the Fel Empire, which was at war with the Galactic Alliance." Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the Sith pretty much manipulate the two sides into the war, not just jump in half way through? Green Tentacle (Talk) 00:25, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) **I felt that going into Krayt's machinations might be a bit too distracting from Wyyrlok himself (in an article that already is basically made up of him standing and watching,) so I just gave the "official" line on that one. Do you feel it needs that clarification, and if so, how much?
 * 39) ***Fair enough. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:51, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * Indoctrinating Skywalker: That bold quote is butt ugly and a quick IRC poll suggests the boldness isn't needed. Green Tentacle (Talk) 00:25, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) **De-bolded. Thefourdotelipsis 01:44, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ***The template had issues so I just put the whole thing back to normal. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:51, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) Toprawa:
 * 44) *I'd like to see a little more context for what this is: "Krayt had been implanted with Yorik-Kul by the Yuuzhan Vong themselves"
 * 45) *Having never read Legacy, I'm not exactly sure about this, but saying so bluntly that he didn't care for his own life seems like an over generalization. Does anything really state this, or just that his concern for his own life was secondary in respect to Krayt's? "Wyyrlok did not care for his own life, and made his master's health his prime concern."
 * 46) *I'm curious why you have Legacy 0 in the sources section. I know other articles have listed this in the Appearances. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:35, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) **Despite the title, it is a reference source, not a story. It's nothing but pictures and descriptions. -- Ozzel 00:54, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Despite the title, it is a reference source, not a story. It's nothing but pictures and descriptions. -- Ozzel 00:54, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to strike objection (Inq only)
 * 1) Gonzalo has been asked to clarify, and has not done so. It's a silly, subjective objection that doesn't fall under any rules. If he wants better quotes, he should add them himself or be more specific in his objection. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:39, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Indeed. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:42, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I wouldn't have let this live this long.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:42, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:48, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I really do hate these kinds of things and feel they should be avoided at all costs, but leaving an objection like that for a week is just annoying. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Jes Gistang

 * Nominated by: -- Darthchristian 20:05, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,052 words, last time I checked. From WookieeProject Legacy Era.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:24, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Could probably use a little sharpening style-wise, but I am confident that further reviews will achieve this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:56, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:42, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:26, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Ackbar:
 * 2) * "Threatened as a young woman" could do with some explanation, if there is any.
 * 3) **There is no explanation.
 * 4) ***I'd like to see it altered then, or chopped, because it doesn't read very well.
 * 5) ****Chopped off "threatened."
 * 6) * "She guided Trask and gave him tips to help him survive among the stormtroopers, and even sympathized with the noob." -- this reads a bit informally, and I'd like to see the "noob" either go or be properly explained.
 * 7) **Took it out.
 * 8) * "However, when Lieutenant Gil Cassel informed the 407th that they would be participating in a battle against the 908th, fellow stormtroopers, on Borosk for joining disposed Emperor Roan Fel, she quickly disagreed with the mission, and even argued that the 407th should join Fel themselves" -- couple of issues with this. Firstly, the "however" seems like it's just been thrown in; nothing to the contrary is said in the previous sentence. Also, the whole section from "the 908th" to "Roan Fel" reads a little awkwardly; please rejig it to see if you can get it to read better. Lastly, I think "deposed" is the word you're looking for :-P
 * 9) **All of the above, fixed.
 * 10) * First sentence of the bio could do we a little work; "born and redheaded Corellian" and "after being given a bad set of alternatives that she considered to be worse than becoming a stormtrooper" read poorly.
 * 11) **First part, fixed. Second part, gone.
 * 12) ***Could still be improved. It should start by saying that she was a Human female from Corellia and that she did not enjoy her early life, and then go on to mention the Mission.
 * 13) ****Used your suggestion.
 * 14) * "Gistang and the rest of Joker Squad were then put into action" could be reworded to read a little better.
 * 15) **Changed to, "thrust into action," and moved to the beginning of the next section.
 * 16) * "After Darth Maleval was dispatched by Emperor Darth Krayt make sure the 407th didn't defect themselves, Joker Squad was then sent to Borosk" -- I'm not sure this is accurate. IIRC, Maleval was there all along.
 * 17) **You're right, so I redid that sentence.
 * 18) * "At first assigned to capture the 908th's base, the soldiers fought bravely and showed no interest to join Fel" -- this is missing a word or something, and also contradicts what was stated earlier in the article: at least Gistang had shown an interest.
 * 19) **Contradiction gone.
 * 20) * "Gistang played an important part in the battle, cutting paths with the large weapon she used, and inflicting large amounts of damage" -- I already cleaned up this sentence a bit, but what exactly was she damaging? Buildings, enemies, vehicles? Please clarify.
 * 21) **Clarified it as, "enemy targets."
 * 22) * "However, with every four shots, she needed to replace her power pak, making her carry large amounts of it" -- last part of this could be cleaned up a fair bit.
 * 23) **Fixed.
 * 24) * The bit about the stormtrooper about to kill her should come before the bit about Trask killing him.
 * 25) **Sentence redone.
 * 26) ***Doesn't resolve my objection, though.
 * 27) ****Better now?
 * 28) *****Yes.
 * 29) * "Gistang noticed, however, Trask deep..." -- per my comment above about the however; also, please clarify about Trask's father&mdash;was he dead, still alive, or what? It's quite unclear at the minute.
 * 30) **Noob doesn't clarify. I'm keeping it as it is.
 * 31) ***I checked, and "wonder what he would've thought of today?," coupled with Trask's use of the past tense when referring to his father, seems to indicate he's dead. Also, the first part of the objection has not been addressed.
 * 32) ****That would be speculation, so I can't say Trask's father is dead unless it states he is.
 * 33) *****Fine, but you're going to have to do something about the sentence; it's still unclear if he was still a stormtrooper at the time, or what. You use both "had been" and "was" in the same sentence referring to his father's position as a stormtrooper. Also, the first part of the objection has not been addressed.
 * 34) ******Both parts are addressed now. DC 17:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Soon enough..." -- this all happens rather suddenly; last I knew, they were resting for the night. Please add in something to make the transition less sudden.
 * 36) **Changed.
 * 37) * "insulted him, which resulted in him being Force pushed to the ground" -- aside from the rhyming, it ought to be clarified that Maleval did the pushing.
 * 38) **Fixed.
 * 39) * Last paragraph of the bio reads quite poorly, and could do with cleaning up.
 * 40) **Cleaned up.
 * 41) *Decent article, but it seems as if it was rushed; lots of missing words, awkward phrasing, and casual wording. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:15, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) **I rushed the copyedit, so that may be why. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 21:19, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ***We're all human. ;-) It's looking much better now, though there's still a few issues that haven't been dealt with to my satisfaction. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:44, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 45) * Refering to her as "originally Corellian" doesn't sit right. If she was born a Corellian, then she is a Corellian.
 * 46) **Fixed.
 * 47) * They pushed on though, but Gistang made the same mistake of leaving her power paks vulnerable to blaster bolts. When did she make the first mistake? This should be noted.
 * 48) **She had made it earlier, and it was mentioned in the article, but I decided to take the first mistake out, so it states "Gistang made the mistake" now.
 * 49) * Noting that her good sense of humor is due to her Corellian heritage is a bit stereotypical - not all Corellians have a sense of humor.
 * 50) **Fixed.
 * 51) * Maybe add something into the P&T section about how, despite being a hardened trooper, she still found time to talk to and console Trask during their brief time serving together. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:20, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) **Added DC 03:44, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * There's some missing punctuation in the main quote. I'd fill it in, but I'm not sure what it's supposed to be. (I'd think a period, but one can never be sure with comics.) -- Ozzel 03:14, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) **It's in the middle of a long statement by Harka, so I didn't know how to format the quote. Any ideas? i was kind of thinking of using brackets. DC 03:44, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***Ah, in that case, yes, a bracketed ellipsis is the way to go; I went ahead and added it. (And I put the nowiki tag there because otherwise there's a weird bug where the apostrophes show up.) -- Ozzel 10:24, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) The Anvil:
 * 57) * Eliminate contractions.
 * 58) **Not a valid objection. Apologies. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 00:56, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * I've found several instances where you use two spaces between sentences. If this is accidental, please be more mindful. If not, You should be aware that we only use single spacing between sentences in articles.
 * 60) * Eliminate the overlinking.
 * 61) **Done.
 * 62) * "Battle of Borosk and death" section should be changed to something like, "Death at Borosk".
 * 63) **Done.
 * 64) * Further on that point, you have a section named after the battle, but you link the battle nowhere within that section. You can either: (a)link the battle somewhere within the section, or (b) use   right under the section title (after you reword the section title, of course).
 * 65) **Used (B).
 * 66) * Same section. You say, "Gistang started to chase after the Sith Lord, insulting him as well, though she was stopped by Sergeant Harkas before Maleval could punish her as well." Please reword, avoiding the repetitive use of the phrase "as well".
 * 67) **Reworded.
 * 68) * Same section, you introduce Vax Potorr without linking him. Please do so, and link everything in the article with an article of its own at the first mention. Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:31, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) **Done. Thanks for the review. DC 17:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ***My pleasure. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:53, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) Toprawa:
 * 72) * You can't get a picture of her with her eyes open?
 * 73) **I'll talk this over with you on IRC.
 * 74) ***Per a discussion with Redemption, that's the best image we're going to get. The two images with Jes Gistang's face are either covered by something, or don't have any detail at all. DC 17:32, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ****Very well. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:42, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * A little context for what the Imperial Mission is, please: "she decided to join the 407th Stormtrooper Division through the Imperial Mission"
 * 77) **Fixed.
 * 78) * This kind of a cliche, can we replace "big gun" with "heavy artillery"? "Put in charge of the "big gun" in Joker Squad"
 * 79) **It's all Noob calls it, but yeah, I fixed it anyway.
 * 80) * Likewise, context for the Mission: "became a stormtrooper through the Imperial Mission as a result"
 * 81) **Done.
 * 82) *** I'd still like to see this worded differently, just to avoid having it be identical with the introduction. Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:37, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) ****Done. DC 17:32, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) *****Did some minor tweaking. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:42, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) * I'm not sure what this is saying exactly. Please clarify: "She did talk to Trask, informing him of certain solders personalities. "
 * 86) * Sort of in conjunction with the previous objection, you say she didn't talk to him, but in this very next sentence she is explaining something him? These aren't congruous: "She also explained to him that"
 * 87) * Please reword this sentence. Including this sentence, the three previous sentences begin "She did...She also...She also..." The repetition reads poorly: "She also informed him of her doubt"
 * 88) * As you reword that sentence, please choose a more formal word than "noob."
 * 89) **For the four objections above, I redid the paragragh, hopefully satisfying your objections.
 * 90) * Please reword. "She was quick to do this, he was quick to do this." Ugly repetition: "was quick to argue that they couldn't kill fellow troopers, though Cassel was quick to quiet her down."
 * 91) **Fixed.
 * 92) * Can we clarify what weapon she used at all? An artillery piece? Ideally, we would be able to link something to this: "cutting paths with the large weapon she used"
 * 93) **They don't clarify, so there's nothing I can do.
 * 94) * There should really be an article for his father. If you can't link something here, please create a red link: "Trask told her about his father"
 * 95) **Created an article for the dude.
 * 96) * Likewise, there should be an article for his brother. If you can't link, red link it: "including his brother, despite the fact that Joker Squad disliked killing fellow stormtroopers."
 * 97) **I failed to clarify who it was. It was Gil Cassel's brother, and I linked it to him, so fixed.
 * 98) * Does the source actually say that they didn't mourn her and fought on, or does it just present the idea that they fought on, and this is your own creation? It seems rather ORish: "Gistang, who was the second casualty of the battle, wasn't mourned by her comrades as they didn't have time to think about her death."
 * 99) **To quote from Noob: "There was no time to mourn anyone. We fought on, and so did the 908th. Right to the bitterest of ends." So yes, the source does say that.
 * 100) ***Okiedoke. Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:37, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 101) * You need some kind of better description than "the anonymous one." Something should link to that as well: "although the first canonical female stormtrooper is the anonymous one appearing in Star Wars Legacy 0." Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:23, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) **I'm afraid I can't give any more of a description, though I'll create an article for her and link it. DC 23:05, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Gistang.JPG is very low quality&mdash;request a re-scan from someone. Image:Gistang.jpg could also use a re-scan and a new file name. --Imperialles 16:14, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Done: Image:Gistang1.jpg and done: Image:Gistang2.jpg. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:16, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Grass clippings:
 * 3) * Ditto on Imp's objections.
 * 4) * Jared Cassel's position in the 908th would be helpful.
 * 5) * The bit about Gistang not being mourned is speculative.
 * 6) * Graestan ( Talk ) 01:06, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Ragez D'Asta

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 02:42, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The most important Imperial you've never heard of.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:28, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( Oya Manda! ) 19:00, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * No indication of his sex/species in the intro/article?
 * 3) **That's not a requirement. Thefourdotelipsis 23:51, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***For the intro, maybe, but can you honestly say that it's not relevant to the bio? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk)
 * 5) ****Unless it's directly relevant to a plot point, not really. The infobox does the job. Would you list his height in the bio? Probably not, unless it was directly relevant. Thefourdotelipsis 00:52, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *****His height is related purely to his physical appearance, which is not usually elaborated upon in the bio unless there are special circumstances. Even then, I'd have no problem listing his height in the bio. Someone's exact height is relatively unimportant, but their species (and to a lesser extent, gender) is important, as is their year of birth, if known - would you leave that out of the bio because it's in the infobox? Also, users can "[hide]" the infobox, so we shouldn't be relying on solely it to convey info. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:49, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Year of birth is an important biographical fact, wheras species only really a point thats made since there are other species. I wouldn't demand it of any article, not even one on an alien, unless the character's species is important to the biographical info. Same as their gender...it's not important in many cases. If D'Asta was someone who preached HuMan High Culture or whatever, or had, I dunno, a magic penis, then mentioning his gender would be essential, but...I don't think it is here. And if people choose to "[hide]" the infobox, they're in no position to complain about information that they don't get. Thefourdotelipsis 01:07, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *"D'Asta commanded his armada in an attack on Ord Cantrell, headquarters of the Council." Why? Was this in response to his daughter's arrest? If so, please clarify.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) *In the first paragraph of the article body you mention that he had business dealings with Jahren Sinn. Please elaborate, if possible.
 * 11) **No more info.
 * 12) *"D'Asta last saw his daughter in 6 ABY." This sentence kind of just hangs there with no clear import or meaning. Please consider revising.
 * 13) **Modified.
 * 14) *Your use of inline citations in between dashes and words looks a bit unsightly. Is there a way you could remedy this?
 * 15) **This is really the best way to show what info is from where.
 * 16) *This is sort of unclear: "One of the members of the Council, Xandel Carivus, sought to take over." Take over what, precisely?
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) *"Carivus left one of his admirals to deal with D'Asta." This could use a bit of expansion, if possible; why did he do this? What concerns did Carivus have about D'Asta?.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) *I would like to see this sentence broken up, elaborating on the "multiple dangers" faced by the Empire and the battle itself. "With the Imperial Navy scattered due to the multiple dangers the Empire faced, D'Asta's fleet decimated the Imperial fleet, breaking the defenses over Ord Cantrell and driving what ships remained into retreat."
 * 21) **Dangers addressed, no more info on the battle.
 * 22) *From the second paragraph of the Battle of Ord Cantrell section: "Kir Kanos, one of the Emperor's Royal Guard"; shouldn't this be "formerly of the Emperor's Royal Guard"? If so, this needs to be corrected throughout the article.
 * 23) **The NEC still calls him a member of it, so I've gone with that.
 * 24) *You mention Grappa the Hutt late in the body as being behind his daughter's kidnapping, yet when you first mention it, you say it was a plot by Black Sun. If it was indeed Grappa who was the mastermind behind that, then you should state this initially, rather than bringing him in later.
 * 25) **Clarified.
 * 26) *From the P&T: "Baron D'Asta was respected amongst Imperials, including the members of the Interim Council." Why?
 * 27) **Not said. They just say they respect him. - Lord Hydronium 04:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * "D'Asta was pro-Imperial and a supporter of Emperor Palpatine, aghast when he learned of the conspiracy to end the Emperor's life." This reads kind of...meh. Please consider revising.
 * 29) **Rephrased. Thefourdotelipsis 23:51, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *TIMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:21, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 32) * Decide between "Council" and "council"
 * 33) * "what was to be done about D'Asta and the other dangers the Empire faced. " Reword, a bit of POV here.
 * 34) * "drew his blade on her, demanding her life." Unclear antecedent; there are 3 chicks present.
 * 35) *Otherwise clean. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:25, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **Changed. - Lord Hydronium 04:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 38) *Please include his species somewhere in the article aside from the infobox. Both the intro and the bio would be ideal, though either one will satisfy me.
 * 39) **I've placed a mention in the bio.
 * 40) *Intro mentions he was a firm supporter of Palpatine but this is not mentioned in the bio.
 * 41) **It's in the P&T.
 * 42) *"For five years after 6 ABY, D'Asta had no contact with his daughter" -- this could be clarified. I'm not sure if it's referring to his real daughter or the clone.
 * 43) **Both, actually. He says it to the clone, while he thinks she's the real Feena.
 * 44) *Not a hard-and-fast objection, but there's a little bit of repetition in the phrasing between the intro and the first paragraph of the bio. Would it be possible to change things up a little bit?
 * 45) **Changed a few sentences; hope that should do it.
 * 46) *Channeling Ataru here: unless it's definitely stated in the source, you should avoid using "decimated" ("The Battle of Ord Cantrell," first paragraph)
 * 47) **I changed it. For the record, though, "decimated" doesn't have to literally mean one-tenth anymore; it's an acceptable usage to have it mean any sort of large percentage destroyed.
 * 48) *"Meanwhile, Kanos pursued the fleeing Carivus. Cornering him, the Royal Guardsman ended the life of the self-proclaimed Emperor. D'Asta and the others arrived shortly thereafter" &mdash; minor, but I seem to recall at least most of the party being present when he killed Carivus. Please check and alter if I'm correct.
 * 49) **Mirith shows up right as he's sticking in the blade, the others appear a moment later. - Lord Hydronium 03:54, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) **Good work. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:02, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Kas'im

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 15:20, 29 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Enter the Blademaster. You can keep your Cin Dralligs and your Raskta Lsus for all I care! My first contribution from WP:NSW.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) ''I am satisfied.  —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:06, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Very cool character.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:25, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:00, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose


 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Eliminate any overlinking. One in the intro, one in the article body.
 * 3) **I believe no links are replicated now.
 * 4) * I changed this for you, but Kaan's Sith were dignified as Dark Lords, as opposed to just "Sith Lords/Masters".
 * 5) **I didn't recall seeing this. I remember all 'Masters' were granted the title of 'Lord' but didn't realize it was 'Dark Lord'. Thank's for altering it.
 * 6) * The "Brotherhood of Darkness" section is nine paragraphs long. You may want to combine a few, or create a new section under which some can fall. Your call.
 * 7) **I've pulled a few together - Kas'im's recruitment to the Brotherhood and how he trained apprentices, Bane's approach and training, and the events that occured during Kas'im's brief time on Ruusan.
 * 8) *** Good job on the condensation, but I would still break it into two sections. It just looks abnormally long as it is.
 * 9) * In the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, you say, "The students were each given training sabers that secreted a non-fatal venom when they struck an opponent, resulting in the wielder feeling extreme pain but would recover." The weapon didn't secrete the poison&hellip;
 * 10) **Damn. I meant to alter the references to the training sabers before placing my edit. It should read much better now.
 * 11) * With that said, there is more to be described about the effects of the Sith training saber, such as the sensation caused by the "venom" was supposed to simulate what?
 * 12) **see above ;)
 * 13) * Same section/paragraph, you use non-fatal twice consecutively.
 * 14) **Thanks to the ealier edit for the training sabers, this is now removed.
 * 15) * Same section/paragraph, you introduce Sirak, but only as the apprentice allowed to use the double-bladed saber. Give a little more context as to who Sirak was, with regards to the school.
 * 16) **Didn't want to go off on too much of a tangent about someone other than Kas'im. Expanded per request.
 * 17) ***You got that.
 * 18) * Same section, next paragraph, you say, "Bane, sensing this lack of favor, challenged the strongest apprentice at the Academy, Sirak, in a bid to regain his standing. His rapid and abrupt defeat only confirmed Qordis' views to Kas'im." The bit about Sirak being the strongest apprentice should be made at his first mention.
 * 19) **Changed.
 * 20) * For the objection above, you go from talking about Bane challenging Sirak immediately to his "rapid and abrupt" defeat. Just a sentence is necessary in between those, regarding how Bane was rapidly defeated.
 * 21) **Added.
 * 22) ***Very good.
 * 23) * Also, I think that "Dark Lord" should be used in place of "Sith Lord", especially since the book referred to them specifically as Dark Lords most often. (Minor)
 * 24) **'Dark Lord' is referenced to many Sith when used by Kas'im, not just those in the Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 25) ***I changed this already, no worries.
 * 26) * You reference the "Army of Light" in the seventh paragraph of the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, yet you offer no explanation as to whose command they were under.
 * 27) **I've expanded this part. Please see if you think it need more.
 * 28) ***I cleaned it up a bit, so it should read better now.
 * 29) * On that note, I think that the "Army of Light" should be first referenced when you first speak of Lord Hoth. This is who the Brotherhood was fighting with, after all.
 * 30) **I though it was there. I only mention Hoth at the above point and in the intro.
 * 31) ***My fault.
 * 32) * Early in the "Death" section, you say, "But Bane now held no respect for Kaan or the Brotherhood, believing his Rule of Two would restore the Sith to glory through secrecy and cunning." This needs to be first reworded, so that it doesn't begin with "but", and Bane's idea of the Rule of Two should be touched on a tad more.
 * 33) **Sentence adapted to include a brief description of the RoT.
 * 34) * "Death" section needs a new heading. Something less lackluster.
 * 35) ** It's now entitled "The Final Duel". I felt that was more appropriate.
 * 36) * Last sentence of "Death" section, you say, "However, he was unable to shield the stone arch surrounding him, and Kas'im was crushed beneath the stone." What happened to the stone that caused it to fall on Kas'im?
 * 37) **Altered to read: However, the power Bane unleashed covered so great an area that it shook the entire temple and smashed the archway surrounding Kas'im, who was crushed beneath the stone.
 * 38) * Finish with these, and we will go through more. Very good, Xadún. Kinda reminds me of the beginning of this comic. Lets see how you do;) —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for reviewing! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:55, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 41) * Is "Leader of the Brotherhood" a proper noun? (Intro)
 * 42) **Hmm. not how I left that. Altered.
 * 43) ***Still there, actually.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ****Bah. missed it. is definately gone now.
 * 45) * "led by the Jedi Master and Lord: Hoth." Reword this. (Intro)
 * 46) **And that's different too. Altered.
 * 47) * the Master and student fought a vicious duel, in which Kas'im was subsequently killed." Reword this as well; also, check your capitalization of "Master". Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sith Master is capitalized . . . ."master" is not. Also, check on canonical use of Blademaster. I'm pretty sure Blademaster Kas'im would be capitalized but not Blademaster by itself.
 * 48) **Capitalized Blademaster is canon as it is a title. I have been told that Master is likewise.
 * 49) ***Fair enough; but the wording is still a little off on the sentence. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Now reads "After an intense confrontation where Bane bluntly refused to rejoin the Brotherhood, the Master and student fought a vicious duel that resulted in the death of Kas'im."
 * 51) * "The Twi'lek set about training every apprentice with the lightsaber," Reword this please.
 * 52) ** Now reads "The Twi'lek undertook the task of training every apprentice with the lightsaber".
 * 53) * Context on Githany.
 * 54) **Added.
 * 55) ***I've noticed this is unstruck - would you like more?
 * 56) ****No, it's fine. I just missed striking it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:32, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Bane became enraged, thrusting out with the Force, repelling his opponent mid-leap, and proceeded to throttle the Makurth with the Force, until he died." Restructure this please. The multiple clauses don't read well-the wording is fine, but the structure isn't.
 * 58) **I've broken this sentence down.
 * 59) * "knowing that Qordis would not allow the failed apprentice into favor again. " Same here; this isn't very clear.
 * 60) **Now reads "The Twi'lek was highly sceptical of Bane's intentions, but used the excuse of Qordis’ orders to initially refuse the plea.".
 * 61) ***Much better, but expect someone to go back over this and change all the Anglo spellings (i.e. sceptical --> skeptical and duelling --> dueling).
 * 62) ****Curses. Every time I adapt to one American spelling, I discover new ones! Thank you for alterering these.
 * 63) * "His warrior nature and hunter's instincts, that had been controllable while far from the war, began to take over Kas'im's senses, and training and sparring with the other Sith did little to curb his aggression. Kaan began to feel that Kas'im's nature made him unpredictable, and could inspire others to act on their discontent, resulting in an insurgence against him." Reword these two. In particular, "that had been controllable" needs some touch-up, and "insurgence" is not a great word choice.
 * 64) **Has become "Kaan began to fear that the agitation Kas'im was feeling could spread, causing a rebellion within the Sith and the Brotherhood would dissolve through the in-fighting that would ensue."
 * 65) * I think the article before the duel could be touched up; I seem to recall Kas'im having more dialogue with Bane than what's depicted in the article.
 * 66) **The pair actually say very little before fighting - Kas'im knows Bane's stubbornness means he will not be swayed to rejoin the Brotherhood. But I've expanded it a little more, such as i could.
 * 67) * " the power Bane unleashed covered so great an area that it shook the entire temple and smashed the archway surrounding Kas'im, who was crushed beneath the stone." Some flowery prose here.
 * 68) **Simplified.
 * 69) * "Kas'im had trained Bane, the apprentice who would proclaim himself Darth Bane and eradicate the Brotherhood of Darkness and re-model the Sith under the Rule of Two." Reword this please; the tense is awkward and Bane had already proclaimed himself "Darth Bane" as this point.
 * 70) **Altered.
 * 71) * "sparring with others did little to slake his bloodlust, such was his desire to feel real challenges to his skill." Some flowery prose here.
 * 72) **Simplified.
 * 73) * "convinced in the hierarchal structure of the Brotherhood," This is somewhat contradictory with the equality principle. Please clarify.
 * 74) **Poor description on my part. Now reads "He was convinced in the “united” structure of the Brotherhood, but recognised the necessity of leaders within the Academy, saying it "avoided complications" if the other masters on Korriban deferred to Qordis, who in turn responded to Kaan."
 * 75) * "Kas'im's greatest skill was his unparalleled swordsmanship." POV/OR.
 * 76) ** Now reads "Kas'im's strongest skill was his swordsmanship with the lightsaber."
 * 77) * "but because of the unfamiliar nature it possessed against an opponent as he once" Reword; doesn't read well.
 * 78) ** Sentence ended at "opponent" and cut rest of sentence.
 * 79) * "Kas'im's level of proficiency in lightsaber combat so high that he is often considered the greatest swordsman of his age, and possibly one of the greatest ever to have lived." Number of issues with this; tense, awkward wording, POV
 * 80) *Tense and wording corrected. But he is canonically described in Path of Destruction as being "possibly the greatest swordesman ever".
 * 81) * Second sentence in BtS is OR unless sourced. I mean, did Karpyshyn say that was his purpose in introducing Kas'im? Ditto with the third sentence, which also has tense problems.
 * 82) **Both sentences removed.
 * 83) * "His lightsaber itself was a unique construction like all lightsabers, but was able to be disconnected in the centre, changing a formally double-bladed lightsaber into a pair of single blades." Wording issues, and it's center in American English.
 * 84) **Altered and Americanized for your reading pleasure!!
 * 85) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:24, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) From a Bane fan:
 * 87) * "...who had assumed the antiquated Darth title." I wouldn't say this is necessary. If you want to keep it, it needs context onw hy it's antiquated, which just gets unwieldy IMO.
 * 88) **Recommissioned to the Bio battalion.
 * 89) * "but the Blademaster thought that Bane, although powerful in the Force, was now refusing to embrace the dark side" I believe you've already established that he was scared of its power and backed away from the dark side.
 * 90) **Now marches to the sound of "but the Blademaster thought that Bane had lost his strength and will to fight."
 * 91) *Good article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:54, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) **The inspection has been reviewed, Commander. Thanks for reviewing! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:05, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 94) * Any chance of some images for the article? I know there are none of Kas'im, but what about images of Bane, or Korriban, or the temple on Lehon, etc, just to give the article some colour? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:18, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 95) **I've shalotted images of the Korriban Academy, Bane and the Temple of the Ancients... Although there is a lasting annoyance at the absence of a Kas'im pic. Bah. Still, Thanks for looking, Cav. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:42, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) Toprawa:
 * 97) * A few preliminaries I notice: I'd like to see the "Known apprentices" infobox field listed by alphabetical order, unless this is presented in chronological succession
 * 98) **Now reads A-Z.
 * 99) * It seems to me that your succession box should be sourced, assuming that not all of that information comes from the one source in which this guy appears. If they are all in this source, please disregard. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:01, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) **All of this succession box is from the timeline assumed by Darth Bane: Path of Destruction - Kas'im is not present in Jedi vs Sith.
 * 101) ***Even though Kas'im himself is not present in JvS, it would still be pertinent to source any information that may come from other sources, which seems to be the case here.
 * 102) ****The box is now sourced, and as there is now 2 sources, the whole article has been sourced.
 * 103) *****That would have been my next objection. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:16, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) *There really should be a specific article for this duel, in accordance with all of our other duel articles. If yuo can't link something, please create an article, since we don't allow red links in the intro: "Kas'im killed his Master in a duel."
 * 105) *Ditto, please link that article here: "Kas'im engaged him in a duel"
 * 106) * When you are referring to the Rakatan Temple at the end of the article, you begin alternating between "Temple" and "temple." I don't care which you use, but stick with one for consistency.
 * 107) **All now conformed to "Temple".
 * 108) * This doesn't tell me anything without an understanding of what JarKai is: "and utilized Jar'Kai against his unsuspecting opponent."
 * 109) **Clarified.
 * 110) * Can't we link anything to this? "a huge shockwave of dark side energy"
 * 111) **Linked to Force Wave.
 * 112) * Given the way this is capitalized, it seems like something should appropriately link here: "Bane embraced this for his New Order"
 * 113) **Gah - meant to do that. linked to Order of the Sith Lords.
 * 114) * I would like to see this expounded on. Can we describe what they looked like, etc? "Kas'im also sported several tattoos across his chest."
 * 115) **Frankly, Toprawa, so would I. That's the only description PoD gives, and as far as I am aware, Kas'im appears in no other works at present.
 * 116) * Please see what you can do to add to this in any way, shape or form, if only to avoid the one-sentence paragraph: "Kas'im could shield himself using the Force to protect from Force Powers, and was able to utilize telekinesis."
 * 117) **This paragraph has been re-worded and expanded.
 * 118) **Not an objection, but please refrain from ending your quote attribution lines in full stops. Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:01, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) ***Any particular reason?
 * 120) ****Quote attribution lines are not sentences, and shouldn't be punctuated as such. Image captions really shouldn't either, per Wikia style, though we typically do with that. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 121) *****Alright. The quote attribution lines are now altered.
 * 122) *Thanks for reviewing Toprawa. I'll be getting ready for round 2. And 3. and 4.... ;) Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 20:00, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 123) **Sure. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) Grae's preliminaries:
 * 125) *The succession box contains information not provided by Path of Destruction, and therefore needs to be sourced.
 * 126) **Info now sourced - The whole article is now sourced also due to sourcing guidelines.
 * 127) *Per Manual of Style, "master" should not be capitalized except when used as a rank or title, and not thus: "his Master." Please change such instances.
 * 128) **Incorrect instances have be de-capitalized.
 * 129) *The BtS is so extremely bare-bones, I cannot believe there is not more than can be added. Scour the internet!
 * 130) * Graestan ( Talk ) 01:55, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 131) Per Grae, with regards to the BtS. Wasn't it mentioned in the book Path of Destruction that Kas'im was a master of Vaapad, which makes that a continuity error? If so, then that would be prime real estate for the BtS. If I'm mistaken, since it's been a while since I've read it, then just disregard that :P Greyman ( Talk ) 07:50, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) *Interestingly, no. Sirak is mentioned to use Vaapad (instead of Juyo) and since since he was trained by Kas'im it could be taken thusly, but all refences to Kas'im just say he's mastered all 7 styles. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 16:54, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Nice use of the word "throttle". —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Gorgon

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:
 * "Nothing larger than a Star Galleon, but it's a start."--Gilad Pellaeon
 * "We're going to need more than just a start, Captain."--Grand Admiral Thrawn

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:20, 16 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) No BtS. I'm seeing an awful lot of sentences starting with "the Gorgon" in the first few paragraphs. Also, I would've though there'd be at least info -- probably stats -- in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook. Succession box is unsourced. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:10, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *BTS created and sourced. Succession box sourced. Also, the Gorgon is its name, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see the article's name at the beginning of the first paragraphs too. I don't have the Jedi Academy Sourcebook so I can't verify whether or not there are any stats.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **It did kinda occur to me that "the Gorgon" is its name; but, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see that the first sentences of the main body don't practically all start with the same thing. Jedi Academy sourcebook objection still stands; you really shouldn't nominate articles which have such a major source that hasn't been checked. Also, "Return to the Maw and death" is kind of a strange title since it's can't and doesn't die. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:53, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Perhaps "death" is a bit dramatic for a ship. Removed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 10:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****My objections are below, but I thought that I would mention that the JASB has no individual stats for the Gorgon. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *There are less Gorgon mentions in the first few paragraphs. And I suppose that Cavalier One's comments should be taken into account.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Struck most of my objection, but I checked the JAS myself and there's still plenty of info missing there, including a crew size which appears to contradict what is currently in the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:58, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Well, I'm not sure if the JASs canonicty supercedes the novel itself. Besides I don't have it, so unless someone wants to help, your objection might be here a while...-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 10) * Regarding the infobox - are the exact model of weapons correct and attributable to a source? While I normally wouldn't point something like this out on a ship article, bear in mind that it was isolated for over a decade, and may have had earlier model weapons fitted.
 * 11) **Those are the earliest models for an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. There are no earlier models for the time that the Gorgon was constructed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Are you sure the Edict is a Gamma-class shuttle? It's own article says it is of an unknown class.
 * 13) **I can't account for the Edicts article, but it is mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * In the intro, you mention that the Gorgon was constructed at Kuat. While a reasonable supposition, is there direct evidence it was manufactured there?
 * 15) **Mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Under Specifications, you mention that The Gorgon was very unusual in that it possessed a complement of starfighters and assault craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement. While this may be true for the support craft, the starfighter complement of the vessel is a standard six squadrons. Unless you are refering to the models of starfighters used, which then needs to be made clearer.
 * 17) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * First paragraph of Construction and Deployment is unreffed.
 * 19) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Mention why Doole's fleet was near the Maw when the Gorgon exits for the first time.
 * 21) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * The captain of the corvette that Daala captures is named in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook as T'nun Bdu. This should be linked to.
 * 23) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Explain how Ackbar used the Startide to destroy the Manticore.
 * 25) **Already done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Perhaps I should have been clearer - how did Ackbar gain control of the Startide? Was there any crew on board? I know the answers, but it should be made clear what the state of the Startide was and what Ackbar had to do to make it crash. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Considering Daala didn't know herself, and this isn't about the Startide I think that's straying too far away from the Gorgon's story isn't it?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *****Context is important, and whether or not Daala knew what had happened is irrelevant since this is an encyclopaedic article written from a neutral point of view. A small reference to how Ackbar used remote control to take command of the half-completed vessel and direct it towards the Star Destroyer is not a lot to add, really. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ******Hmm, I suppose not; I guess I simply assumed that if you were willing to make an objection over it, you would want something more substantial (which would distract from both Daala and, essentially, the Gorgon's story). Anyway, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * From the Jedi Academy Sourcebook - mention needs to be made that the crew was comprised of individuals with little or no ties to the outside galaxy so they would not be missed. Also, the crews are bored and angry after so long in isolation. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **It's mentioned in the second History paragraph.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***No, it isn't. You mention that the Maw installation was isolated from outside contact, but not that the selection of the crew was based on their ties to the outside galaxy. The fact that the crew was bored after ten years in isolation is also not mentioned. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) The succession box says preceded by "none" and cites Jedi Search. Does Jedi Search establish that it was Daala's first flagship, or is it an assumption based on the lack of a previous flagship existing in canon? If it's the latter, please change to "unknown" or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:50, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *It is Daala's first command, so that would mean that it was her first ship. Plus, she had been a weather woman and cook for like five years. It's all in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:08, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 37) * Just a little thing I missed first time around - the identities of the prisoners (Solo, Chewie and Kyp) should be revealed when they were first brought aboard the Gorgon, as well as the fact that they had escaped from Kessel. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 40) * (Intro) Seeming contradiction-how can Gorgon be one of the best ISDs in the fleet if they haven't had contact with other people for ten years?
 * 41) **Lack of contact has no bearing on the quality of a ship's condition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ***Then you need to state that that description is someone's opinion instead of explicit fact. That's POV and/or Original Research. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) *This is somewhat nitpicking, but you can't say for sure that they were XX-9s if you're reffing from Jedi Search. That's original research.
 * 45) **Only the numbers are from Jedi Search. I assumed there was a consistency among Star Destroyer weapon models. I've removed the exact types of weapons.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * I'd like a reference to a standard Star Destroyer's configuration. Is that ISD-I or ISD-II?
 * 47) **Um, I'm not sure what your asking for, but the Gorgon is an ISD-I.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***You'll need a reference to what a "standard config" is, unless it's stated in Jedi Search what the standard config is, or that Gorgon is at less than standard config. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ****I apologize, I thought I had already reffed that section, hence the confusion. Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * Jedi Search indicates that Gorgon has less than a standard crew at some point during the Maw Installation; you can't say it has 45,000 crew if you're reffing from Jedi Search. It's said to have a skeleton crew.
 * 51) **I hardly call 45,000 a skeleton crew.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ***If you look closely at Jedi Search, Daala says the normal complement of crew on an ISD was 45,000. In the very next sentence, she states that the Gorgon is running at less than full complement. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) ****Well then the book contradicts itself, because earlier Daala remarks that between her four ISDs, she has 180,000 men at her command. That seems standard to me.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) *****In that case, a BTS note should be made of the contradiction. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ******Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * What is a "ragged shuttle"? Reword.
 * 57) **A ragged shuttle is one that is torn up; severely damaged, etc.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) ***Find me one direct quote from canon that uses that adjective for that purpose and I will strike this. Otherwise, reword it please, because ships don't come in "ragged" condition. Metal can't be "ragged".  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * "Dumbstruck by the news, Daala decided that since Tarkin was dead, his mandate thus nullified, the only thing she could do would be to fight her own guerilla war against the New Republic." Run-on.
 * 60) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * "seemingly fool-proof" is a little POVish. Reword please.
 * 62) **In the book they use even more severe modifiers. Seemingly fool-proof is nothing compared to "invincible", etc. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like those either. And it did seem fool-proof to Daala, and everyone else. I'm just stating facts, it's not POV.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) ***Then state that Daala considered it fool-proof, not that it was fool-proof. That's the difference between POV and NPOV. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) ****Oops. Disregard my last comment, I thought you were referring to the Sun Crusher. It's fixed now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) * I know this isn't your fault, but there's some confusion with Mon Calamari vs. Dac.
 * 66) **So...what do you want me to do?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Pipelinking is the easiest fix IMO. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Wait, do you want me to replace all mentions of Dac with Mon Calamari?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) *****As far as I'm concerned, simply being consistent and picking one will work. I don't want to see both "Dac" and "Mon Calamari" (in reference to the planet), though. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ******Both mentions of Mon Calamari are reffering to the species. First to the cities ("the floating cities of the Mon Calamari") and then to the code Ackbar uses to take control of the Startide ("using a Mon Calamari code"). Everything is consistent.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * Spell out New Republic Defense Force and Mon Calamari.
 * 72) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * "Her first real defeat" . . . eh, Daala regarded the loss of the Hydra as a defeat as well IIRC.
 * 74) **Hence first real defeat as opposed to first defeat.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ***In that case, what is a "real" defeat? How is her first defeat not a "real defeat"? Regardless of how you define it, it's still confusing and needs reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ****I changed "real" to "major". I hope that's acceptable.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) * "and the Durron had already set up a supernova in the nebula." Reword.
 * 78) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) * "to make an emergency hyperspace jump to any point." Reword; the last part is a bit vague.
 * 80) **Vagueness excised.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) * "But it was too late, as the burst of energy radiated out from the supernova explosion the Gorgon barely made it out of the nebula, while the Basilisk was not so lucky, and was incinerated." Reword, stilted wording.
 * 82) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) * "and that too many good men had died because of her selfish actions." POV.
 * 84) **Daala's own words.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ***Which are explicitly POV. This needs reworded; you can say it's from Daala's POV, but you cannot say that people were "good men" explicitly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:33, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) From the planet-slagging flagship of Chack Jadson:
 * 89) *"Gorgon would prove to be the Installation's bane." I don't like this wording.
 * 90) *"It was a powerful vessel". POV, and doesn't flow with the next sentence.
 * 91) *"The Gorgon was unusual in that it possessed a complement of assault and support craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement." Again, I think this could be worded a little better.
 * 92) *In the first quote in History, are you sure it's accurate. Not "the" Maw Installation?
 * 93) *"The Gorgon was constructed over Kuat by Kuat Drive Yards and was commissioned by Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin. The Gorgon was constructed alongside three other Imperial Star Destroyers: the Hydra, the Basilisk, and the Manticore." I'd like these sentences to flow better.
 * 94) *"which had been created by Tarkin himself." Obviously, Tarkin didn't create the plan, just the tactic, but that's not the impression I get. Please rephrase.
 * 95) *"in her opinion too many good men had died because of her selfish actions." Could use better phrasing and positioning in the sentence.
 * 96) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:31, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Demetrius Zaarin

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:21, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally got around to finishing it. Don't click the links if you don't want to be disappointed.

(2 Inq/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 2) * Sparring with the alien Grand Admiral: First paragraph had the Rahmat destroyed twice. Should the second be the Strident?
 * 3) **Not sure that the Stridents destruction is an objective, so I've just left it as the convoy being captured.
 * 4) * How about another quote in there somewhere? Something from the Strategy Guide maybe. A spoken version of the lead quote wouldn't go amiss either. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:57, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Got another quote in there from the Strategy Guide. I'll try and get the spoken quote later. Thefourdotelipsis 01:57, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Turns out the file's already on the site. A little longer than the quote, but I'll leave you to trim it. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) I don't get the stuff about his rank. He's a Grand Admiral, then an admiral. Some clarification would be nice. My apologies if I missed it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:43, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *I've tried to explain this in the BTS; he's a Grand Admiral, but since he launches a coup, he can't actually hold that rank anymore, since he's not a part of the circle of 12. However, IU, he's never referred to as "Grand Admiral," just "Admiral." So, post coup, he'd just be "Admiral." Thefourdotelipsis 01:40, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **That's what I figured from the BTS and the article. Thanks!  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 11) *" Died: 4 ABY (38)." This 38 is before reSyncronization, right? A "brS" should probably be stuck in there with a link for people who don't know what the number means (e.g. most people :-P) so's they don't think it's his age or anything.
 * 12) **Added.
 * 13) ***And I've taken it back out again. 4 ABY is after the Great ReSynchronization so BrS is not applicable. Dates after that don't have any trailing characters. Green Tentacle (Talk) 11:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Ah. Sorry about that. Seems odd it isn't ArS or something (though maybe they avoided that acronym for a reason). I've pipelinked the number to Great ReSynchronization. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * The intro implies that his traitorous thoughts began to form after the Habeen incident, while the bio differs. A slight change to that sentence in the intro should sort it; e.g. "at some point in his career, he had become..." or some such, assuming the order in the bio is correct.
 * 16) **Weaseled out of. :P
 * 17) * "As soon as he had possession of the hyperdrive technology, Zaarin sent it to his technicians and scientists" &mdash;were these on his ship, or where? Please clarify.
 * 18) **The previous sentence says "and the freighters were free to dock with the Shamus, transferring over their technology into Imperial hands." Was that the point of contention...I'm a touch confused.
 * 19) ***Upon further inspection, I'm not really sure what my problem was.
 * 20) * "The operation was a success, but whether or not the Nharwaak still possessed the technology, perhaps hidden at another location, was yet to be seen" &mdash; I'm not liking this sentence. I'd like to either go completely, be altered to loosely be from Zaarin's POV, or else for you to just state outright that they still possessed it.
 * 21) **That was direct from the game. In hindsight, though, it's not needed, so it's gone.
 * 22) * "His scientists and technicians drastically redesigned the standard TIE, and were able to create prototypes of the new TIE Defender" -- I'd like to see a brief explanation of what the new fighter could do/how it differed from the last, either here or earlier.
 * 23) **Rather cheaply elaborated on, do tell if it needs more though. :P
 * 24) ***It'll do. Maybe pipelink "heavily armed" into some sort of weapon, if that's appropriate.
 * 25) * Would it be possible to merge the one-paragraph section with the above one with a slight alteration to its title? It looks odd as is.
 * 26) **The TIE Experimental one? Normally I'd refrain from doing that, but the method to that particular madness was that they're under a "Projects" subheader, and in a way, Zaarin's early bio is almost like a reeling off of his various projects, one per section. If you think it's a major issue though, I'll relent. Thefourdotelipsis 01:35, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***No, your reasoning makes sense. It would look much better with a quote under the section title, though.
 * 28) *Any chance of a few more quotes?
 * 29) *Channeling Ataru here: try to avoid using the word "decimated" unless it's definitively stated in the source.
 * 30) *If you already haven't, you might want to check the original Gamer draft of Who's Who that is currently circulating. If you don't have a copy, I can send you one; I know Hydro and Darth Culator also have copies. It would probably also be prudent to search for any BtS info given by Abel or Dan about his Who's Who appearance, and his first name, if its available. jSarek, and obviously Google may be able to help you on that front.
 * 31) ** I still have the last two sections and the appendices to read. Excellent work, and mostly a really interesting article. It's blindingly obvious it's all from a game though, and a bit heavy in parts. Not your fault, though. I'm yearning to play TIE fighter now, too. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:19, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Murk Lundi

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:24, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sith wanna be.

(2 Inq/1 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good effort.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:59, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Did they find him fascinating as a person, or was it the way he taught his subject? Please clarify: "his classes were always full, as students found him fascinating."
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Responsible in what way? "and if any of his students could be responsible for the collection."
 * 5) **I think it's fairly obvious; that they had gathered the objects and possibly left them as a warning to the Jedi. I left it as is because it's hard to change it to what I just stated, but I'll work on it if you feel it's necessary.
 * 6) ***It's been rephrased.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * Is this according to his beliefs? Please clarify: "Lundi replied that the Sith were more powerful, as vengeance and power always trumped peace."
 * 8) **Yes. Added, though I'm not sure it was needed.
 * 9) * "Right before takeoff, a young man tried to get off, screaming for Professor Lundi." Should this be "tried to get aboard"? In subsequent sentences it is said that the man (Norval) was thrown off.
 * 10) **Yes. Silly mistake.
 * 11) * From Locating the Holocron: "In the middle of the night" Is this specified at all? It could mean ship's night or whatever. In any case, it could possibly be reworded as time is kept differently aboard starships.
 * 12) **Changed.
 * 13) * First and third paragraph both begin with "In the middle of the night"; perhaps one could be reworded (if you decide to reword the first instance per the previous objection, then nevermind).
 * 14) **See above.
 * 15) * "Even Lundi's insanity did not save him, though he was clearly mad." This seems a bit repetitious.
 * 16) **Removed the second part of the sentence.
 * 17) * Are any of these crimes specified? If so, please elaborate: "Lundi was ultimately found guilty of numerous crimes and imprisoned."
 * 18) **Added a bit.
 * 19) * These would seem to be the same thing, in this context, no? "He also told them that Norval was not only power-hungry, but greedy."
 * 20) **Rephrased.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:26, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) The BtS mentions about Evil Never Dies retconning the holocron to be Adas's, but the bio doesn't mention this. I also suspect there's more info missing from END. Let me know if you need help accessing END, and I'll see what I can do. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:04, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Added, thanks to your help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) The bit at the chasm could be reworded a little to make it clearer how he lost the holocron. Catch me on IRC if that's not enough to go on. Otherwise, nice article. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:50, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *Added a few words. Let me know if more is needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:38, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **Works for me. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:59, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks for the reviews.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Celeste Morne

 * Nominated by: Ajeanette 6 July 2008
 * Nomination comments:I managed to receive good article status with plenty of help and guidance and I am ready to take the next step.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great job with the article. We love to see major characters get FA'd. DC 17:19, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From DC
 * 2) * Eliminate links in her quotes.
 * 3) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 4) *Early Career: Give some context on what a Shadow was.
 * 5) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 6) * Same with the Muur Talisman.
 * 7) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 8) * I think it would be a good idea to include the Covenant's vision of Muur.
 * 9) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 10) * In Pursuit of the Muur Talisman: Taris: "In the Tarisian Undercity, Celeste came to the aid of Sector Constable Noana Sowrs under attack by rakghouls, deformed, mindless mutants which could transmit a namesake plague through their bites." This sentence is missing some key parts, and as a result, doesn't read right.
 * 11) **Addressed Ajeanette 27 July 2008
 * 12) * "From their conversation." Zayne and Celeste had a conversation? Transition that better from the sentence before that to the given sentence so its understandable.
 * 13) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 14) * Give a bit more context on who Gryph was.
 * 15) **Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 16) *Jebble: "In the process, they discovered that Jebble was not just a local war forge or training center, but a staging area for invasion, and all of the Mandalorian recruits from the Outer Rim present were about to become infected by the disease," is a major run-on. Please fix this.
 * 17) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 18) *Sending out Communication: Give some context about who Cassus Fett was.
 * 19) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 20) * What happened to Pulsipher?
 * 21) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 22) *Possession: "Celeste became enraged at the duo for questioning her devotion to the Draay family and the Covenant and turned on them," is another run-on.
 * 23) **Addressed Ajeanette 27 July 2008
 * 24) * Give context on Crys Taanzer as well.
 * 25) **Addressed Ajeanette 23 July 2008
 * 26) * Oh come on, there is a lot more you could write with the P&A and P&T. There is nothing from the Dark Times comics in there, and she has been featured prominently in six issues.
 * 27) **Addressed Ajeanette 24 July 2008
 * 28) ***I still think it could be expanded a bit further. DC 21:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Addressed Ajeanette 26 July 2008
 * 30) *****Alright, it looks a lot better than before now. Great job. DC 03:46, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Also, you could expand on what has been said of Vector 7. She engaged Skywalker in a duel, and was fully controlled by the Muur Talisman at this time.
 * 32) **I added a little bit, but I think it would be a good idea to hold off on most of this for now. I took the summaries and previews for their word as to how the Talisman has affected her by Vector 7 and although the cover shows a duel between her and Skywalker, from experience, covers can, at times, be deceiving. As soon as I am sure I will update, but if you feel otherwise please let me know why. Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 33) * And seriously, the other side? I would fix this myself, but I think it would be a good idea for you to fix this. Change it to the Rebellion.
 * 34) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 35) *This article isn't bad, but there is a lot of missing context, and a tad bit of missing info. Some sentences transitioned badly as well, so it would be a good idea to run this through another copyedit. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **I realize that this may be a long list to fulfill, and that it could take some time to fix all of my objections, but honestly, taking an article from a GA to a FA is a big step to take. I don't know if you've been through the FAN page process before, but I'm telling you right now, this article may take a while to become a FA. If you need little bit of help, Fourdot wrote an excellent tutorial on character FAs that I use quite often when I write FAs. DC 21:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the stasis chamber of Chack Jadson:
 * 38) *Context on Shadow in the intro.
 * 39) **I cleaned up the first paragraph and added a few words in order to connect information from the first sentence to the second. If you feel a reader would still be confused let me know where the wording is ambiguous. Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 40) *"As an agent for the Covenant, the records of her identity were erased from Jedi Order rolls so that she would give her whole effort in service to the Covenant's cause to prevent the rise of the Sith." This could be written better.
 * 41) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 42) *Context on Karness in the intro.
 * 43) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 44) *"Ever since the Muur Talisman was lost on Taris those unfortunate to dwell in the Undercity feared these deformed, mindless mutants which could transmit a namesake plague" POV, perhaps split into two sentences also.
 * 45) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 46) *Refer to beings by last names.
 * 47) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 48) *Did Gryph get captured when he fell? If so, mention that rather than springing it on the reader later.
 * 49) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 50) *Context on the people in the Moomo Williwaw who saved them
 * 51) **Addressed Ajeanette 11 August 2008
 * 52) *Context on the Uhumele. Is it a pirate vessel?
 * 53) **Addressed Ajeanette 6 August 2008
 * 54) *Can we get a better quote for P&T?
 * 55) *Pretty good.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:51, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I think you should wait until Vector's completion before making this a FA. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 21:16, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, there have been some articles that have been made into FA's while the article still had planned appearances. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Now that the next issue of Vector is out today, I think you should update it if you have it. Just don't forget to add that there are spoilers in the article here. DC 17:48, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Haninum Tyk Rhinann

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sing out if it gets confusing. :S

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. Just finished the book myself; looks like you have all the info in there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:18, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:05, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I love how you use the ANH novel to ref Vader's Dark Lordiness so that you can ref the rest of the article; I did the same thing on Dhol. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:09, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I just finished reading the novel...nice work here guys --Jinzler 12:47, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Information would be spread throughout the underground that claimed that the droid possessed information vital to the Whiplash resistance movement, and Vader was able to make sure that the information made its way to Jedi Master Even Piell, who was Pavan's former master. You use information three times in this sentence - is there any alternatives you can use to avoid repetition?
 * 3) **Used "data" for the middle one.
 * 4) * The fight was taking outside the resiblock named the "Coruscant Arms," I think you're missing a word in the sentence. Also, I thought the fight took place inside the building?
 * 5) **It was meant to be "a resiblock." As for the location, the way I'm reading it, Nick engages the stormtroopers as they prepare to enter the building...I could be reading it wrong, though.
 * 6) * A little context on who Captain Tanna is would be appreciated. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:39, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Given what little there is. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 9) * No quotes at all? Presumably you just forgot this bit, as I've done many times before. :-) Even though most of the good lines about him are internal thoughts, you should be able to come up with some decent quotes.
 * 10) **Yes...forgot... They're in there now.
 * 11) * Could we get a mention of his dislike for the Eloms in the P&T or bio, somewhere?
 * 12) **Gotcha.
 * 13) * Could we also get a mention of how afraid he was of Vader in the bio?; it definitely seems relevant.
 * 14) **Added.
 * 15) * Do we have any idea what duties Rhinann carried out as Vader's aide before JT? I can't remember, so if there isn't, my apologies.
 * 16) **There's nothing specific, no.
 * 17) * This isn't an objection per se, but most of the sentences in the intro seem slightly short; do you think you could merge some? If you've reasons not to, please let me know.
 * 18) **To me, they don't seem particularly short, but if there are any specific ones that you think don't read well, I'd be more than happy to oblige.
 * 19) ***Looks fine.
 * 20) * The word "then" is heavily overused in the latter part of the second paragraph of the bio.
 * 21) **I've pared it down a bit, let me know if it needs more.
 * 22) * "Rhinann was fascinated by the Force, and his interest was one of his key reasons for accepting the job of Vader's aide, even though the alternative was slavery." Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but it seems to imply that a life of slavery would be a positive one.
 * 23) **Ah, yes. I know what I mean, but it's not very clear. :P I've tried to clarify that a bit.
 * 24) ***Ah, I understand what you were saying now. It's much clearer now.
 * 25) * First two sentences of the second paragraph of the P&T are very similar in structure, with two "even though"s. Please alter one.
 * 26) **I've changed the first to "although" but the structure is still the same...do you want me to completely overhaul the second sentence?
 * 27) ***Nah, it's fine.
 * 28) * Could the BtS be expanded a bit? You could say that he was something of an antagonist, and that it was through his POV that Vader was dealt with, and that his joining the good guys opens up the possibility for him to appear in later Coruscant Nights installments.
 * 29) **I've given it another sentence, but I feel the rest might be a bit too...speculatory.
 * 30) **Very good article, though I think a decent copyedit would do a lot of it. Interesting character, to boot. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:02, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The entire thing is just Coruscant Nights I: Jedi Twilight spoilers. Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Jozzel Moffet

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:15, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Buy one Yavin Vassilika FAN&hellip;

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Moff Ozzel!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:49, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) It might benefit from an AWB run-through, but that's not nearly enough for me to object :P  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:35, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Rare for me not to find something to object to. Very clean, very nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:22, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Could you expand the intro please? Given the length and quality of the article, it really should be a lot longer. DC 03:21, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 12:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Sardu Sallowe

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:15, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: &hellip;get one free.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Objections addressed via IRC. Despite the horrible continuity errors surrounding the HST created by Underworld, I can't help but like the comic, and this character in particular. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:17, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Fill in the three redlinks for bonus points. --Imperialles 05:40, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * Even though I fixed it, I can't help but laugh at you for the line "raised among his people in the harsh desserts of his homeworld" -- you haven't met Melvin Fett, by any chance, have you, GT? :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:20, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Just making sure you were paying attention. :P Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:43, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Y'bith

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:16, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another WTS nom.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:31, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Cantina of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "eventually inadvertently". Please rephrase this.
 * 3) **Axed the "eventually"
 * 4) * You use "while" and "claim" in consecutive sentences in History. Minor things, but they disrupt the flow.
 * 5) **I've got rid of the second "while," but since the second claim is "claimed," I don't think it's quite as jarring...but if you still think it needs tweaking, I'm more than happy to oblige.
 * 6) *Very nice overall.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:01, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks. Thefourdotelipsis 06:49, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) What's the Pasta Bowl? of Fiolli:
 * 9) *A few quickies:
 * 10) **The intro states: "Developing their own culture, the Y'bith were never fully embraced by the Bith, who claimed that the volatile biochemistry of the subspecies made them violent and aggressive." It is stated in B&A as if it was fact rather than a claim. Which one is correct? Also, the BtS states: "In order to further differentiate the Y'bith from the Bith, Burger wrote them as violent and tempromental beings, far removed from what he perceived as pacifist tendencies in the Bith."
 * 11) ***Yes, the Bith used it as an excuse to not associate with them.
 * 12) **"Nevertheless, the Y'bith strove to be accepted by the galactic community as a whole, and their city of New Nozho became a notable trade port." The last clause isn't mentioned or paraphrased anywhere else in the article.
 * 13) ***Whoops. Added.
 * 14) **"In the wake of the devastating attack, the survivors, dubbed "Y'bith", or, in Galactic Basic Standard, "Ghost Bith," lived in hermetically sealed cities that had been built in the ruins of Nozho." The The Essential Guide to Alien Species states that survivors of the civil war lived in dome cities. Might be useful to have this mentioned.
 * 15) ***That's interesting, since the DB entry seems to imply that the domes were destroyed. I'll look into that.
 * 16) **"Later, on both Nar Shaddaa and Coruscant, they aided in the rebuilding efforts in the wake of the Yuuzhan Vong War." I think I understand why this is here, but shouldn't it be at least alluded to in the History section, plausibly with a mention of the notability of New Nozho?
 * 17) ***I felt that those kind of things, aiding with the war efforts and all that, were kinda less relevant to the Y'bith as a people, and besides, I didn't want to keep repeating information too much.
 * 18) *Nice work!  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:46, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 01:59, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) Toprawa:
 * 21) *A minor thing, but I would like to see some kind of mention in the Society and culture section that they shared the Bith language with the Bith. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:14, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kalyn Farnmir

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:49, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And another one. This one's a GA that I just beefed up a tad.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) From the Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 2) *A couple of quick things:
 * 3) **"Together, they were able to claim the bounty on Disciples of Psusan leader Scri Oscuro's head." This suggests that the bounty was to kill Oscuro. Please clarify so that when the priest is mentioned later in the intro it does not provide a moment of confusion.
 * 4) ***Fixed.
 * 5) **"But her desire to bring criminals to justice persisted, and as such, she became a bounty hunter." This sentence shouldn't start with a conjunction. I am aware of, but honestly, I wasn't sure what you would prefer to have this sentence read since the successive commas in the middle of the sentence limit options as it stands now.
 * 6) ***Tweaked.
 * 7) **"Shee was also to receive a substantial from the Psusans for setting Farnmir up." Substantial what?
 * 8) ***Fee.
 * 9) **"Farnmir and Shee met on[Nar Shaddaa, and fought to the death. Farnmir corrected her mistake in letting Shee live on Coruscant, and killed the slicer." Seems to be some redundancy here.
 * 10) ***Fixed.
 * 11) *Otherwise, nice article 4dot. I'm beginning to really like all the WtS entries. &mdash;  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:30, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thankee. :) Thefourdotelipsis 02:17, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Myhr Rho

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:51, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More, more, more.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:31, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:28, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Ozzel 21:27, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) One thing:
 * 2) * "which inspired Rho and the other patrons to depart." This gives the impression that they left because she had a bad voice (that's what I got from it, at least). While I've never seen the Holiday Special, I don't think that's what happened, so a change in wording would be helpful. Please tell me if I'm mistaken.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:06, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Reworded. :P Thefourdotelipsis 06:52, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) There's a bit of unnecessary repetition in the P&T. "Although his homeplanet of Tatooine provided scant opportunity for enterprise," "most of the jobs on Tatooine involved both" and "and was constantly unemployed. In the wake of the Battle of Endor, however, Rho's enterprising came to the fore, and he took full advantage of Luke Skywalker's fame" don't seem particularly relevant to me and reiterate in similar terms what's been said in the bio. If you think they all merit inclusion, please tell me, but I would request that you change it around a bit or remove at least one of the quoted sentences. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:12, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *I've axed one of the sentences&mdash;I think it's important to present information in a different way in the P/T, but I agree that non-stop repetition is just pointless. Thefourdotelipsis 01:56, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * One screen capture from Yoda Stories would be appreciated.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:53, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I removed references to Palpatine's "first" death in the intro, because I don't think it's necessary; saying "he died" is not incorrect. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:12, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Drigor Tarrens

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:34, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: DarkStryder? Never heard of it ...

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very clean. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:31, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Infidel!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:21, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Ozzel 21:50, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:25, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * I think I'm correct in implying here that the Confederation charged him with treason for using cybernetics, which clashed with their views of bio technology. I would like to see a wee bit added here to explain that the Confederation charged him with treason for this violation: "Charged with treason, which was punishable by death,"
 * 3) **That's the conclusion I get from reading his bio, but the problem is that it is never explicitly stated to be the case. As a result, I am loath to add it since it is close to speculation.
 * 4) * Again, please do a bit to clarify why he is being charged with treason: "He was summoned to appear before a court on the charge of treason upon waking from surgery" Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:31, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **No other information is given, but it probably relates to the above comments. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:36, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***In regards to both objections, yes, as you describe it, that would unfortunately be speculation. Very well. I won't hold it up on this, but would it be safe to add a little bit specifying that the Confederation charged him, in both instances here? Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:25, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Buick

 * Nominated by: 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I was moved into action by 4dot's Max.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) A flying car!? Stupid Back to the Future copycats..... DC 01:19, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Because Jorrel Fraajic likes to torture himself so others can't:
 * 2) * Needs way better images (and more of them) - If there's anyone, anyone who has any of the games and the ability to screencap consoles, contact me here or on my talk page (or in IRC, even). 21:14, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **While I have placed newer, higher quality images, they're all from the same source (original RS). I'm quite pleased with them and if I have no alternatives I'll use just them, but if there's a way for someone to grab them from the other games, the above request stands. 20:47, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Well too bad...
 * 5) * Ref tag in intro.
 * 6) **Allowed because I make no reference to it later.
 * 7) * possibly suggesting the use of dovin basals for propulsion. Unless there's a specific source for that, its speculation.....
 * 8) **Well... dovin basals allowed a ship to travel without any external engines, right? Isn't that source enough? :P Nah, I'll fix it. Kinda disappointed it didn't last one objector, though.
 * 9) * First, a swinging Max head, from the classic adventure series Sam and Max. Second, a bobblehead monkey, reminiscent of the adventure series Monkey Island. Both of those are fragments. DC 22:26, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Good point. Fixed. 01:10, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Buick.JPG is a tad low quality. --Imperialles 05:25, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *See the first objection. :P I totally agree, though, and am working feverishly to track down a way to get a better one. 05:37, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Better one found, placed instead of Image:Buick.JPG: Image:Buick.jpg. 20:47, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1,208 words. 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Just as a heads-up, I just recently discovered that the Buick was actually featured in another game, Star Wars: Battle for Naboo. I was unaware of this when I was working on the article, and as such ignored anything that came from that source. Now that I know, I've reworked the article to include this new information. For those who have already read the article, some things may now be different for you; I'd personally read over it again (if you've already read it once) as there is some new data enclosed that may or may not prove useful/different than it was from the initial version. Thanks. 06:43, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Also, 1,429 words now, if anyone's keeping track B) 06:43, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Gaege Xarran

 * Nominated by: Harrar 00:30, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Dare I say it? That Paul Danner's Fett is infinitely better than Traviss'?

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Superb. I miss the Fett of old. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:35, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:44, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 13:22, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) If it's Harrar, I'll vote for it.  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( You're all clear kid! )( Now let's blow this thing and go home! ) 20:00, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) "driving Fett to the point of suicide." I don't get this. How was Fett driven to suicide?  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  17:29, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Veeeeerrrry poorly worded. I've corrected it now. Harrar 19:54, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *Please rectify the disparity between the infobox eras field and the era template. I would, of course, fix this for you, but I don't know what you want to source this with. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:54, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll whack the three redlinks tomorrow. And if anyone's wondering, yes, yes I do get sick of Yuuzhan Vong. :P Harrar 00:30, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * There are a few images from the AJ that would probably be more suitable than the current one of Fett in the bio. There's one of Gaege before his death, and one of Slave I dogfighting the TIEs. Also, at the beginning of the story on the AJ, there's a little box with the text, "An aging storyteller weaves a tall tale involving the most notorious bounty hunter in the galaxy. But is it all just made up for entertainment, or is there a grain of truth to the fable?" which may not be in Tales from the Empire. Obviously, with the NEGTC mention and the RPG blurbs, it's not fiction (you know what I mean :-P), but perhaps a BtS mention would be prudent. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:35, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If someone could upload those others images that'd be fantastic&mdash;I had no idea any existed. I added some stuff to the BtS but now even I'm getting doubtful over what's true and what isn't&hellip; -- Harrar 09:01, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppo Rancisis

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:44, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:NEGTC nom.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:43, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think you need to address the number of arms thing in the BTS. Yrfeloran 15:21, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *What exactly are you looking for? All that I can really say is, "he wasn't shown to have four arms in the films or most sources until Republic." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 4) * "Rancisis was one of those who informed Skywalker's Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi." Informed of what?
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "Recognizing the negotiations as a debacle, Rancisis was reassigned by the Council." Who did the recognition?
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "Being one of the most astute tacticians in the Jedi Order" POV.
 * 9) **Added an "as he was considered."
 * 10) * Inconsistency beween Rancisis' and Rancisis's.
 * 11) **Got them all, I think.
 * 12) * "Rancisis selected Quinlan Vos to be his second in command, as the Kiffar Jedi had had prior dealings with both the Anzati and Morgukai and was knowledgeable about both groups, and because he was Tholme's former Padawan." Bit of a run-on
 * 13) **Split.
 * 14) * Consistency of Caldera vs. caldera
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Was Auset with Jeisel and Vos when they found the tunnels? It's a bit unclear.
 * 17) **Removed the bit about Auset.
 * 18) * "With one last throw of the chance cube, Rancisis used his tail to send Kelkko sprawling across the room; the Anzati perished in a fiery shower of Force lightning." Flowery prose.
 * 19) **Changed it a bit; better?
 * 20) ***I would remove the chance cube bit, unless he was literally throwing a chance cube.
 * 21) ****Bah! You're killing me here.
 * 22) * "He had the Republic's interests at heart, and the majority of his decisions while serving on the Council were in the interest of the Republic, and he cared about the Republic's integrity." Run-on/redundant.
 * 23) **Removed the last bit.
 * 24) * "Oppo Rancisis was talented in a number of unconventional Force powers," unconventional is POV.
 * 25) **I'm not seeing the problem...
 * 26) * Four redlinks.
 * 27) **Now three with the removal of the non-existent Wookieequote page.
 * 28) *Figures you throw in a TOTJ mention. Bah! :-P Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:56, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **Will do. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) Is there a Wikiquote page coming? --Eyrezer 03:54, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *Bah, I completely forgot about it. I'll make one in a few days, when I have access to my comics. :-) For now, I've removed the template. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Per the pronunciation in Clone Wars Chapter 21 ("Ran-sis-iss"), I've gone with " Rancisis' " according to the new policy. Even though "Ran-kiss-iss" seems like a more natural pronunciation. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:44, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Uueg Tching

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:08, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:15, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:28, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From LtNOWIS
 * 2) * You should change the phrase "the select couple who did" to be more encyclopedic.
 * 3) **Altered it.
 * 4) * Also in the intro, "at COMPOR rallies, historical documents" should probably be "at COMPOR rallies, in historical documents."
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * Is there a reason why he's always referred to by his first name? -LtNOWIS 12:55, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Yeah&mdash;he's only referred to as "Uueg" in both the AJ and the Imperial Sourcebook, and I figured Atrisian naming conventions may be different to the norm. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:58, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Jadson's stuff:
 * 9) * Context on COMPOR (in the intro).
 * 10) **I de-abbreviated it; is that what you're looking for?
 * 11) ***Yeah.
 * 12) * You refer to the planet as both Kitel Phard and Atrisia. Pick one and stick with it.
 * 13) **Changed the one "Kitel Phard" I found to "Atrisia."
 * 14) *Great article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:46, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:43, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) Toprawa:
 * 17) * I'm not sure what this means, exactly, "indirectly." Can we supplement this with anything? "until he controlled the entire planet, both directly and indirectly."
 * 18) **Unfortunately, that's all the source says. "Uueg increased the Atrisian Empire to rule, directly or indirectly, the whole of Kitel Phard."
 * 19) * We should really have an article on this "Atrisian script," especially if that image in the article is an illustration of it. At least create a red link, please.
 * 20) **Done.
 * 21) * I think it would be best to use our Insider template for the HoloNet appearance. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:53, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **Done. Thank you for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:16, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Sure. A genuinely interesting concept. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I will deal with the redlinks in the morning. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:08, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Syal Antilles

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:50, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Syal later.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Here's to the next generation of starfighter pilot. --Revan Averre 04:30, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 17:53, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 10:57, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I hate the main image so much, but I guess Ataru's brilliance overrides that. =P DC 18:28, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose -- Jaina Solo ( Talk ) 00:09, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Way too many redlinks. I will bust all the Vibrosword Squadron and Dancer Squadron ones, but given our rate of FA passage, I anticipate having plenty of time to do it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:50, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Jaina Solo
 * 4) * "After these personal losses, was attached as an aide to General Celchu, and was then sent with him on a covert diplomatic mission to the Jedi Order."—Reads awkwardly
 * 5) **Reworded to "After these personal losses, she was attached as an aide to General Celchu and accompanied him on a covert diplomatic mission to the Jedi Order." Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Attack Fighter"-This shouldn't be capitalized
 * 7) **Decapped in both instances. Moved our article as well. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "They had a brief conversation, with both pilots expressing concern for each other, and then they separated, with Wedge Antilles returning to Corellia and Syal rejoining her squadron."-Reads awkwardly
 * 9) **Now reads as "They had a brief conversation, with both pilots expressing concern for each other's welfare. Wedge Antilles subsequently returned to Corellian and Syal rejoined her squadron, returning to combat." Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***The second sentence sounds a bit confusing.
 * 11) ****Third time's the charm! Maybe, anyways. Now reworded to say "Wedge Antilles subsequently returned to Corellia and Syal rejoined her squadron, participating once more in the larger battle." Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:31, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:12, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You're welcome. Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 16:14, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) DC
 * 2) * "Along with the other children..." Whose kids? You have me starving for whose kids were there. If there are too many rascals, then at least give a rundown of whose families they are from.
 * 3) **Yeesh. I will need to get back to you on that one. I know the Solo brats for sure, and probably Valin Horn, but as much as I like Union, the artist didn't do a good job IMHO of distinguishing the characters well. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Definitely Valin, since both Booster and Mirax mention him. Aside from the three Solos and Myri, though, we don't see or hear of any other kids in the mix.--Revan Averre 00:33, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Mentioned Valin and the Solos, but I'm loathe to flat-out say that's all there were. Is that what you were looking for? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:28, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Hmmm...if thats all Union says...then I guess my objection is resolved, though I believe more kids were there. DC 18:28, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * "He eventually got the children, including Syal, calmed down and protected them during a swoop gang attack aimed at disrupting the wedding." Tell us how the wedding ended after the swoop attack.
 * 8) **Got it.
 * 9) * "who found their rambunctiousness hard to handle." I think you could put that in the P&T. I would do it myself, but I wanted to hear your opinion on whether it should be put there or not.
 * 10) **I've put it in P&T, but I'd like to leave that sentence there, if only because it ties in well to the next one. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Okay. DC 18:27, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Give some context for the Yuuzhan Vong, please.
 * 13) **Contextified. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * 14) *Great article, but you have no idea how much I hate that main image, and how much it makes me angry that I can't replace it.... DC 03:31, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **I can't help with that one. :-S Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Took care of the squadron redlinks, Ataru. There's a bit of a mixup, as there's a Vibrosword Squadron and a VibroSword Squadron, but since all of the callsigns were spelled the former way, that's the one they link to. --Revan Averre 04:24, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:34, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Ataru and I discussed this, already, and it's not an objection, but I could swear I recall reading that Syal was named after (it would seem obvious) her aunt, Wedge's sister, Syal Antilles Fel. I think that would be an important bit of information about her, either in the early life or intro section, but a source is needed. Anybody know the source where that is stated? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:51, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, the Syal Fe page mentions it, but has no source. It does say that it was before Wedge knew his sister was still alive, so that'd be Vision of the Future, but according to her page Syal Antilles was never mentioned there. Hmmm, you know, I'm going to take a guess that it's in Dark Tide II or Unifying Force, since they're both mentioned in both of those two. Probably DTII. --Revan Averre 04:04, 30 July 2008 (UTC)


 * Having thoroughly checked both of those sources when I wrote this article, I can safely say that it's not there. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:26, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Rescue of Bastila Shan

 * Nominated by:  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another work of the Pasta Bowl; Literally from scratch, made on Taris with the help of a Telosian.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 13:38, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Looks like a nice article you've put together there, mate, just one small thing. The introduction seems to be a bit on the heavy side (for example, Jedi Civil War's intro is approximately 20% smaller), with the first sentence perhaps being a bit too OOU-ish for my tastes. I'd fix it myself but I don't want to unintentionally screw up the flow. -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Put 'vital' instead of 'compulsory . . . etc.' in to make it less OOU. Make sense? Revan Averre 20:08, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Restored "compulsory" to the intro. Not as a debate, but just to explain my reasoning on this: Imperative may be a bit too-OOU; fair enough. I believe compulsory is IU due to the compulsive desire of Onasi that was in part due to his loyalty to the Republic, in part forced by the situation they found themselves in, and in part due to the necessity of their own survival. Additionally, compulsory does not carry the complete negative connotation that "compulsive" carries, though the former is a more apt adjective for this situation. That being aside, I believe the intro is shorter now and more to your liking.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) After reading it through, I have no complaints other than the intro...from where I'm standing, there is too much overall detail provided, which has led to an unnecessarily long introduction. Other than that, I have no problems with this article :) Very nice read, indeed, Fi.  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:35, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *Shortened.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I will fix the two red links in short order.

Pau'an

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:26, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And here we go.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:24, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Not an objection, per se, but please see my comment below. Nice article.  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:18, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Fiolli:
 * 2) *No pasta bowl this time. Just one small noodle: No mention of the backstory in the BtS coming from the Wizards article, but you derive extensive physiological information from there. This should be mentioned at least.
 * 3) **Added that in BTS.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Not an objection, but there are far more sources and appearances listed than actual citation sources. I would prefer to see some citation from these other sources as well. Otherwise Mo might be warranted if nothing is really stated.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:03, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **I believe the Visual Guide/Dictionary stuff is basically BTS, what I sourced from the databank. I'm looking into it however, and I'll have any new info if there is any soon. Complete Locations has no new info, Miniatures, well, you probably know about that (it's Miniatures, not a sourcebook), and I'm looking for KOTOR 17 info, which I doubt is going to be useful.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Thanks for looking into it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:24, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll get to the redlinks soon.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * The lead quote doesn't really apply to the species as a whole, at all. I could understand the reasoning for using it in the "History" section, but in my opinion it doesn't suit the article well as a lead quote. Through your travels and writing of this article, Chack, did you perhaps come across anything that might fit better? Maybe the WotC enhancements? Greyman ( Talk ) 07:18, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * NEGAS is in-universe, so you use anything from that as a quote. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:42, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Understandable concern. I remember having a really hard time finding any quote, so I just took one from ROTS. I'll go over the sources again and see if I can find a better. Maybe something from NEGAS.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:39, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Sweet, sounds like a plan, Chack :) Thanks, Acky, for your recommendation. Greyman ( Talk ) 13:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Gara Petothel

 * Nominated by: --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This one took a whole lot of work, but was very, very rewarding. Gara Petothel is a really fascinating character and I think you will find it enjoyable to read, despite the length. Thanks, all! --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * Second image needs to be on the left, and all the rest adjusted accordingly so they alternate from there. --Eyrezer 03:55, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Deja vu. lol. Done. -- Colinmcev 22:40, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Channeling Acky here, a standard mention of gender, homeworld, and species in the intro would be nice.
 * 3) **I threw them in. Let me know if that works. --Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Any and all speculation about Donoslane Excursions has to go, aside from BtS. Until Aaron Allston or some other VIP confirms that, we can't say that for sure.
 * 5) **Removed the references from the top section and the Donos relationship section. Unfortunately, if I'm not mistaken, even if Allston confirms it, we can't really put it in because it's not canon until it's expressed in an official work. Sort of a pain in the ass, but it is what it is, I guess. -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *"Petothel was taught how to develop and live various identities" Reword.
 * 7) **Better? -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *The Imperial Intelligence training is a bit redundant compared with the previous section. A lot of this would be better off in the P&T.
 * 9) **I cut some of it; generally, I tried to keep the parts where the instructors specifically TAUGHT her something, and removed the other little bits. Many of what I cut were already in P&T so, yeah, you're right, redundant. Let me know if you think more trims are needed. --Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *The Zsinj/Trigit introduction is sort of confusing.
 * 11) **Could you tell me which intro is confusing, and what's confusing about it?
 * 12) *"created to help relieve pressure from the elite Rogue Squadron." I don't recall that being the point of the Talons.
 * 13) **I think I got that from the Wook's Talon Squadron entry, so we should probably remove that there. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *"that arguably saved Implacable and its crew from capture" The word "arguably" is generally POV.
 * 15) **Dropped it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *"She programmed both Imperial and Rebel holos to provide incorrect information about Gara Petothel" clarify this.
 * 17) ** This is all the book says about it. I guess we could drop it if it's really that confusing? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *Please watch your possessives when it comes to ship names. The preferred convention is Implacable ' s crew, not Implacable crew. I have fixed several of these but might have missed some.
 * 19) ** I fixed them where I saw them, I think it's cool now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *I feel the Exposing Atton Repness section could be slimmed down a little. It's almost play-by-play.
 * 21) **I shortened it a bit; is it OK or do you think it needs more? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *Please, never call the Mon Remonda the Remonda.
 * 23) **lol Alright. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *"they very impressed with what seemed a promising start to a young career," Missing verb.
 * 25) **Oops. Fixed. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *I'm not sure the bit about Sarkin's confession is pertinent. I'll leave that to your judgment though.
 * 27) **Yeah, I'm with you. Cut it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *Second paragraph of switching allegiances could be slimmed down. It's more of a P&T type paragraph.
 * 29) **Shortened it significantly. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *In that section, you state that she realized Zsinj is dishonorable several times. While I understand that it's a recurring motif with her, please tone those down.
 * 31) **I looked back and could really only find it in one reference in this section, plus once in the photo caption. If there are others there I'm missing, I'd say you can go ahead and cut them, or point them out to me and I'l go back and do it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) *The crisis of identity section, while solid overall, is definitely play-by-play and needs a small diet to keep it from being overweight in terms of detail.
 * 33) **I cut some of the play-by-play stuff. Better? -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) *Contextify the tracker program on Razor's Kiss. I mean, it was Castin Donn's. All she did was modify it, no?
 * 35) **Done. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) *I actually think Growing closer to the Wraiths could use more detail on Mission to Saffalore.
 * 37) **I added some more detail, but still tried to keep it a bit light, since her role in this mission wasn't particularly crucial, and since it played a very small part in her overall story. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) *Infiltrating Iron Fist is also a bit play-by-play.
 * 39) **Switched it around a bit. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) *"Knowing Zsinj's famous tendency to be cheap," Reword this.
 * 41) **It got dropped in the above objection, so I think this is moot now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) *The Stellar Web was not, in fact, a New Republic vessel. "New Republic-aligned" might work instead, but I will leave that to your discretion.
 * 43) **Hmm...I couldn't find Stellar Web in my article. If I'm missing it, though, you can add the "-aligned" to it. I'm fine with that. --Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) *The Legacy section is a little Original Research-y, unless you recall somewhere that nobody else ever knew. I thought the others learned of her messages.
 * 45) **Unless I'm missing something big, I believe most of the Wraiths did NOT know she was alive. However, since the fact that Solo and Antilles constitutes a cover-up, I am confident in saying her part in Iron Fist remained secret, and that most of New Republic wasn't aware of her actions. I left those parts in...HOWEVER, I cut most of the references to the Wraiths. Even if there was no specific mention of the Wraiths learning what she did, I can't definitively say they never learned it later, so I dropped it. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) *Rearrange the personality and traits section until it flows more chronologically. Since she has these identity crises, I might even segregate the P&T into 3 subsections for Petothel, Notsil, and Slane, if that would help you organize it.
 * 47) **I think it's all chronological now. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) *"attractive-looking" is POV.
 * 49) **Well, the word attractive came from the book and other characters perceptions. I added something that the characters found her attractive, so it wouldn't be POV. -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) *I would cut the relationships section on Phanan and maybe Loran. Neither were romantically involved with her, but if you are using Relationships in a broader sense, Loran can stay, since he was her wingman.
 * 51) **I thought they were appropriate for inclusion since the Mara Jade entry has a Lando Calrissian relationship entry, even though the attraction in that "relationship" was completely one-sided. Nevertheless, I removed Loran and Phanan from there, since my understanding is the relationships section is for romantic relationships. -- Colinmcev 22:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:21, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **Thanks much! -- Colinmcev 01:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I have to give a shout out to Atarumaster's awesome Wraith Squadron article (also nominated for an FA), which I used frequently as a reference while working on this one. Great stuff, man! --Colinmcev 23:01, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. :-D Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A few things worth noting... --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Gara Petothel changes her identity periodically, but the two major, permanent changes are when she goes from Gara to Lara Notsil upon joining Wraith Squadron, then from Lara Notsil to Kirney Slane upon leaving. I decided to approach this in the article by using whatever name corresponds with that period in her life; for example, when she becomes Kirney Slane, I start referring to her as Slane instead of Notsil. I was worried this approach might be confusing, but I think it works since all three names are identified in the first sentence of the article. I'm open to suggestions. --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Also, although Aaron Allston clearly means to indicate Gara and Myn Donos end up together in Betrayal, it was tricky to describe this since I don't think the reference can technically be considered canon. I did the best I could to explain Donoslane Excursions and their future together despite this. --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Link spam: we could find out if we interviewed him. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * A question: there are lots of fanfic pictures of Gara/Lara/Kirney at Aaron Allston's official Web site. I know fanfics are not allowed, but since Allston put them on his official site, I'd venture to argue that this means the author has sanctioned them, and this gives them an official sort of status. I haven't used any of the fanfic pics in this article, but would like to and will do so if the majority of Wookieepedians agree with me. But I'll go with whatever decision the consensus reaches... --Colinmcev 22:54, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Personally, I would be wary of using them. We had a policy against it in the past . . . if, say, Joe Corroney, had some unofficial pictures of Lara, that might be worth a BtS image. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:15, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

Harkov

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:30, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Now you shall pay for your treachery.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Imperialles 11:02, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:35, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:44, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) TIE Fighter = awesome. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 10:17, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Given the detail within the article itself, could it be possible to expand the intro? -- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:16, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Expanded. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:08, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa:
 * 4) *The way this sentence is reading seems like it's missing a word or two. Please reword: "The Geddawai was boarded by a stormtrooper transport and, once captured delivered Harkov to the"
 * 5) **Reworded. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:01, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *There are few things throughout the Sepan Civil War section that certainly seem like they should be linked to something, if not redlinked. I notice:
 * 7) **The attack: "arrived in the Sepan system in time to stop a Dimok attack on a Ripoblus convoy."
 * 8) **Reprisal raid: "the Protector moved to stop a Ripoblus reprisal raid"
 * 9) ***Linked. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:01, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Another battle article? "...and subsequent recovery of further weapons"
 * 11) ***Part of the same battle as the last one. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:01, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Battle article: "Harkov next led the Protector into action to rescue Ripoblus scientists"
 * 13) **Attack: " Imperial Intelligence learned of a rendezvous between the Ripoblus and Dimok leaders near Sepan 8 as the two factions looked to unite against the Empire, and the Imperials mounted an attack to capture them."
 * 14) **Attack: "With an attack from Ripoblus and Dimok forces expected" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:24, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kueller

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:48, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Long overdue.

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) The Hitler parallells only go so far... Harrar 16:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:54, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Megalomaniacs for the win :P  Greyman ( Talk ) 16:58, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) How could I not?  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:54, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Although I keep thinking "Skeletor" when I look at the infobox picture ... -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:11, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) This guy is a pretty generic Star Wars villain --Jinzler 19:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the gloomy underbelly of Harrar's Yuuzhan'tar
 * 2) * I imagine you're already on the quotations, but ideally we want one for each subheading, one for P&T and one for P&A. D'ya reckon TNR has all those?
 * 3) **New and improved with more megalomaniacal ranting. :-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:44, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Hah he has such brilliant evil dialogue!
 * 5) *Intro:
 * 6) ** I think the some of the intro needs to be rethought. The first paragraph is fine, though I'd include details of Pydyr and Auyemesh and how he builds his Almanian Empire too.
 * 7) ***Threw in a mention of Pydyr. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:44, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ** The latter half of the second paragraph is really off, from Skywalker's crash on Almania onwards. It's very PBP, and includes details which have no real bearing on Kueller, such as the thernbee, the yacht, Mara Jade and Solo. I suggest condensing it, removing extraneous detail and focusing more on Kueller.
 * 9) ***Totally redid that para, considering I wrote it a month before the actual article. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:44, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *Nice one Ataru. First Nil Spaar, now Kueller. You and your iconic Bantam villains. Harrar 10:51, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 12) * Context on the Je'har in the intro, please.
 * 13) **Reworded that bit entirely. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:55, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Do we know how Kueller wiped out all the moondwellers? If so, it should be added.
 * 15) **Found it in the Fact File. Unsurprisingly, more droids. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:55, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Two comments on images: the EGTP&M image caption is, well, quite silly. I know why and everything, but could a better caption not be had; alternatively, the image could be cut in two and replaced in the article. Also, what about cropping a headshot out of the infobox image and then moving the full image down the later sections of the article? That would luck much better, I think.
 * 17) **Altered the caption; I'll work on the headshot deal. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:55, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * A bit of extra detail for the Kueller-Luke-Leia fight would be helpful; not about the duel itself, but about where each was located. Kueller just sort of appears, and he was presumably on a ship or in some sort of command center when instructing Yanne. Knowing where he was, where exactly the prison was located (in the city or in the middle of nowhere, or wherever), and how he got there would give me a clearer picture of the passage. Hope I'm making sense.
 * 19) **Clarified it some. Tell me what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:55, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Looks good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:54, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * I have two possible additions for the "Legacy" section: there's some info on the damage done to the Senate Hall in Traitor, page 248, and a mention of Brakiss's final fate may be prudent.
 * 22) **Added a bit on Brakiss and Senate hall. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:55, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Good work. Vaguely interesting character, if a little boring and predictable; I don't think I'll be reading The New Rebellion any time soon. :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:04, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *Someone could add info on his "picture only" SWG appearance, as this is presumably non-canonical --Jinzler 20:07, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **I've asked around, and it's apparently just a Hendanyn death mask, and not Kueller that is shown. I have removed the appearance. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:35, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *There is no mention that Kueller hired Ana Blue to lure Han Solo to Almania --Jinzler 09:32, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Added. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:49, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) Channeling Toprawa here: refer to the characters by last names, not first. Skywalker, not Luke, specifically. Anyway, after some corrections, good job. He's no Nil Spaar though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:32, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **Corrected. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:49, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) On page 338 of The New Rebellion, it states that Kueller wears military boots. It might just be me, but his footware in the picture don't look that military or boot-like, their kinda like armor. If anyone else agrees with me, then I think that we should say in the bts section that the image contradicts his discription in the novel. Or it could just be that Kueller likes shoes and has many different pairs that he wears --Jinzler 16:56, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *In my opinion, that's pushing the line of Original Research a bit much and I am loathe to add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:25, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 33) * Last sentence of second paragraph in "Almanian Uprising" is unreffed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:43, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) **Oops. Fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:07, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) Toprawa:
 * 36) * I'm afraid I don't understand this at all. I don't understand what this has to do with the droid's established purpose of being detonation devices. Please clarify somehow: "except for the seafah jewelers, as their skills were inimitable by droids."
 * 37) **I've tried clearing it up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Calling them "the sabotaged droids" leaves this begging for some kind of explanation, which is not provided as far as I can see: "though he did allow Brakiss to return to Telti after his apprentice gave him the remote that controlled the detonation circuits of the sabotaged droids."
 * 39) **Added a brief explanation. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * What disturbances in the Force? Clarification/context, please: "the Jedi Master was informed that Almania was where the source of the disturbances in the Force had originated."
 * 41) **Contextified for your reading pleasure and delight. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * This is very redundant. Please condense: "Kueller ordered him not to fail or else he would face the consequences. Sensing that Yanne was losing enthusiasm for his cause, Kueller gave the man a verbal and physical warning of the consequences of disloyalty."
 * 43) **Trimmed it up some. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * The way this is connected doesn't work. You're discussing Kueller's issues with his subordinates, and then you use "however" to transition into a completely separate idea. Something needs to be added or reworded here. "Kueller had another subordinate, Gant, brought to him, thinking he might need to train another personal assistant to replace Yanne. However, Organa Solo managed to slip past them and their fighters and made it to the surface of Almania"
 * 45) **Good catch. Tossed in a phrase to fix that.
 * 46) *Please create an article for this final lightsaber duel: " and forced a lightsaber duel between them."
 * 47) **Redlinked. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***For as significant as this lightsaber duel is in regards to Kueller, please do create this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:45, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ****I have accomodated you in good faith this time, but please understand that while I can see the need for a link to the lightsaber duel (hence why I created it), the follow-up request is not a legitimate FAN objection. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:00, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) *Your BTS makes reference to his "usual armored appearance." I would like to see this expanded upon in the P/T.
 * 51) **Well, that's the thing. He's usually pictured in armor, but he's not explicitly stated to always wear it. Reworded BtS some. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ***In that case, I would still like to see the P/T do a little bit to detail his, what I would call, rather unique set of armor. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:45, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) ****I have done so. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:00, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * You could also add a bit to the Legacy section detailing what happened to Almania in his absence, how Yanne succeeded him as planetary ruler, etc.
 * 55) **Tossed Yanne in and added a note from Exile as well. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ***Very nice, more than I thought would be thrown in there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:45, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * I'm not quite sure I fully understand what you're trying to say here. Please rewrite to clarify for my sake: "Kueller was originally pictured in his usual armored appearance alongside an unnamed individual in The Essential Guide to Planets and Moons, who was later identified as Kueller as well, albeit without the armor, in The Official Star Wars Fact File. " Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:29, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **I have reworded it. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) ***Yes, much clearer now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:45, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * I initially pipelinked the Je'har into the "Almanian government" found in his infobox affiliations field, but after looking at this again it seems as if you are referring to "his" Almanian government. If so, please feel free to remove the pipelink, but I don't know if I would actually call his rule a "government," unless something does identify it as such. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) **Not really. I have removed the affiliation; it was there before I ever touched it IIRC. Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:24, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Rufaan Tigellinus

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:57, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Should be very interesting.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:27, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:34, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 14:12, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:09, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Twig of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Is there a mention of what specific class of Star Destroyer that Avatar was? If so, please include, if not, disregard. -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:02, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **There is, in Dan's blog, but as its cut content I can't add it to the bio, so I've stuck in it to the BtS along with some other info from the blog. I've had to link to a disambig page, though, because it isn't specified if it's Imperial I or II. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:23, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Thanks.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:27, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * A well put-together BtS.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:02, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thank you. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:23, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

First Battle of Borleias (Galactic Civil War)

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 17:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A non-character nom from me, for a change. -- Colinmcev 17:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:28, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be referenced.
 * 3) **Done. -- Colinmcev 02:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Are the assault transports specifically refered to as ATR-6s? If not, then I would link to the generic assault shuttle article instead. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:37, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **I couldn't find the exact reference to ATR-6s, so I changed it as you suggested. -- Colinmcev 02:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Teta

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:34, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: after a rather long hiatus, I've finally produced another WP:TOTJ nom.

(4 Inq/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:24, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:34, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Acky is back at it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:28, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:13, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) 'From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * The last two sentences in the P&T are unreferenced. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Got 'em now. I think I'd accidentally cut off the last fragment of the sentence. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:18, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa:
 * 5) * As I'm unfamiliar with the source, I'm not sure what this is saying exactly. Please do a little to clarify: "Sadow used Corsair once again, manipulating the flares of the Dena rii Nova and destroying the ships in his wake;"
 * 6) **I've clarified a little bit, though the whole thing's kind of confusing. Let me know if it's still bothering you and I'll see what the NEC has to say (I would check now, but can't till the morning).
 * 7) ***It works for me. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:13, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * I would like to see the third paragraph of the Life and Legacy section broken up into at least one more paragraph.
 * 9) **Broken up.
 * 10) **Not really an objection, but it seems like you should make mention of the other sources I've added into the appropriate BTS paragraph, since that's the direction you seem to be going with that. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:48, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Done. Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 13) *"Teta was known for both her martial and diplomatic skills, and she had no qualms about leading her troops from the front. She donned a suit of ceremonial armor during many of her public appearances, and during her reign, she personally directed many battles against potential usurpers to great success." I would tone this down some in the bio. It's more appropriate for P&T.
 * 14) *"he established a trade alliance," With whom? Clarify please.
 * 15) *"began to build up her army again, despite it being so soon after the end of a war." Could you clarify that last bit?
 * 16) *"while the Jedi studied the Sith" Reword. I doubt they were studying actual Sith.
 * 17) *"The system hit back, though, after the Emperor's fall," Reword please.
 * 18) *Having actually read some TotJ, I feel her P&T could use some more fleshing out.
 * 19) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:08, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Sebastian Shaw

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 01:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Next up, Kenneth Colley! :D Seriously though, I know it seems random, but this is a fascinating actor who played a crucial part in Return of the Jedi, however brief his running time was. -- Colinmcev 01:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Fascinating article on a great actor. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:32, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be sourced. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:40, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Ok. -- Colinmcev 15:15, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I found some extra sources, so I added a bit more info and some quotes. My apologies to anyone who might have started reading already, but I should be about finished now. -- Colinmcev 04:25, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I've found lots of pictures online (especially at SebastianShaw.com), mostly promotional stills and photos of him from his early career. I'm guessing I can't use any of them because of copyright issues, but if anyone can give any guidance on that, I'd appreciate it. -- Colinmcev 01:56, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * You should be able to find something in the public domain, somewhere. At any rate, I'd suggest that the infobox image be Shaw sans makeup, since that space is generally meant to best illustrate what a person looked like. :P Thefourdotelipsis 02:07, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Some sites I've found pictures are here, here, here and, probably most promisingly, here. Most of them are small (and the Sebastianshaw.com ones have the website written over them), but I'd appreciate some guidance as to whether any of these are usable or not...
 * Ok, I put up a lot of images, most of which I think are OK. Regarding what you'd said about the infobox picture, I would argue we should keep the one that there currently because a) It's a behind-the-scenes image, so it's still him, not the character, and you can clearly get an idea of how he looks in real life despite the makeup; b) This is a Star Wars wiki, and this draws a clear connection to his part in Star Wars while still displaying the actor instead of the character; c) The next best infobox choice, which would be the first publicity still, is pixelated a bit when blown up so won't look as good; d) This way, the images are more spread out, whereas if we took the publicity still up to the infobox, there'd be very few early career images and way too many Star Wars images. -- Colinmcev 19:03, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Star Wars: Tales of the Jedi

 * Nominated by: Greyman ( Talk ) 13:22, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Thanks to several members of WP:TOTJ for all their help in gathering the information required for a lot of this article over the last few months. Also, thanks to those Inq and non-Inq who helped copy-edit it over the last week or so. Greyman ( Talk ) 13:22, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Brilliant.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:47, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I have gone over it thoroughly already. It'll do.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:11, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thoroughly informative, an excellent read. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:20, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Pre-arranged. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 08:03, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

Vara Nreem

 * Nominated by: Greyman ( Talk ) 13:22, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Naturally, as a part of WP:TOTJ. Greyman ( Talk )

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:07, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:33, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:08, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Nreem soon realized that the spirit of an archaic-looking Sith Lord, whose head was adorned by a crown of spikes and its body enveloped in a massive and swelling robe. I think you're missing something from the end of this sentence but I'm not sure what having never read the source. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:14, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Heh, you are right. I forgot a piece of info that I meant to add near the beginning of that sentence. It's been added now :) Greyman ( Talk ) 12:46, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Tales from the Pasta Bowl:
 * 5) * "Eventually finding her way to an age-old Sith obelisk, Nreem was able to make contact with a 10,000 year old Sith spirit trapped within the walls of a library-temple, confined with the circular walls of the obelisk." The wording of this seems convoluted. Perhaps break this up into two sentences?
 * 6) **Slightly rearranged. Greyman ( Talk ) 08:13, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Nreem was able to follow the Force to a strange looking black Sith obelisk that seemed to literally absorb the light from the twin moons orbiting the planet." Strange-looking seems to be POV. Is that an IU phrase or an OOU phrase?
 * 8) **It was an IU phrase, but I've removed it since you're right in that it is slightly POV ;) Greyman ( Talk ) 08:13, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *Other than this nitpickery, I must say that this was a very, very well written article. Great read, Greyman and I pray you continued safety.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Thanks for your thoughts, and review of this article, Fiolli. Greyman ( Talk ) 08:13, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***You are very welcome.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:08, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Grael

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:52, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Force-sensitive commando, meter tall, furry skin, short nom, nice story, what's not to like?

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:01, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Now, if they canonize him as the Ewok Jedi, that would be great! -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 15:27, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * I'm fairly certain there is another image of Grael out there... --Eyrezer 06:19, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, there are two more. I'll try to get Culator to scan them soon. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:35, 7 August 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
 * 2) * Is there an article for the Tribe Panshee village? If so, it needs to be linked to. If not, then it should be created. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:13, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Linked to and created. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:48, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

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Makezh

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sponsored by the people who brought you beer milkshakes!

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 * The main image sucks a bit, but it's the best I can do with my scanner for some reason. If anyone can grab another version of it, I'd be grateful. It's on page 70 of The Kathol Rift. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:45, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Toby Philpott

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 21:40, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Mr. Shaw inspired me to do another random (but interesting) OOU nom. Just to warn you all, one of these days I am going to do Kenneth Colley. :D -- Colinmcev 21:40, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

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Osvald Teshik

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:26, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another Imperial FA nom. And yes, I know the quote isn't good, but it's the only in-universe quote on him.

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 * 1) In my opinion, too short.  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( Oya Manda! ) 19:33, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The article needs to over a 1000 words, and when I did a word count, it was over 1000. It is not too short. DC 19:39, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **There's not a lot of info on him in the listed sources to begin with. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:36, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

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