Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Zelka Forn

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Doctor? Doctor Who?

(1 ACs/5 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Seems mostly fine now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:08, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:33, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:30, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:24, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) LordDeathRay  (My Sith Holocron)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "After the destruction of the Galactic Republic, the main galactic government of the time, warship Endar Spire, individuals brought in several Republic soldiers who had been seriously wounded in the battle." Huh? Either something's missing or there's extraneous words here, because this doesn't make sense.
 * 3) * "Rakghoul this, rakghoul that": Rakghoul is inconsistently capitalized. Most notably, the term "[R]akghoul serum" is used at least once each way. I seem to possibly remember that Rakghoul should be capitalized, but I'm not sure if that is true or if my crazy brain is making stuff up. Which is correct?
 * 4) *I did a copyedit for you. Remember that the Ref template is only used in the infobox&mdash;you had it in the body, too, which I fixed. Otherwise, it's well-written and easily understandable for someone totally unfamiliar with that era. Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Benevolent is POV. Please remove.
 * 8) * Linking. Make sure everything is linked once in the intro and the body.
 * 9) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 10) * Try not to use "grieved" twice.
 * 11) * After the destruction of the warship Endar Spire. Why and by whom was the Spire destroyed? Also, you haven't established where this event happened.
 * 12) * Despite the Sith government, the government that followed the Sith ideology, having an occupation of Taris, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers. He put a few of the soldiers in kolto tanks, healing medical tanks, in a back room of his facility. this doesn't flow very well. May I suggest something like Despite the fact that Taris was occupied by the Sith, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers, putting them in kolto tanks in a back room of his facility.
 * 13) * In the intro, you say that Revan killed a patrol to obtain the serum, but in the body, you say he found a corpse. Which is correct?
 * 14) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 15) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 16) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 17) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Fixed, although no, Revan looked in the back room. I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu's second look
 * 20) * There are some previous objections you haven't taken care of. In future, put a message after each objection, to alert the objector to the fact that they are all done, and so that if there are any issues, they can continue the discussion. In this case, to keep it organised, I'll strike all the old ones and reiterate any that are still not addressed.
 * 21) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 22) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 24) **I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him.
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure that you can persuade Forn into believing that you are a friend of the Republic. He then opens the door. The other way is to bash through the door of course. Instead of just saying he discovered them, you need to elaborate on how. One of these outcomes will have to be expanded upon in the body, while the other will have to go to the bts.
 * 26) ****Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * After Revan discovers the soldiers, he and Forn have a short converstion, the details of which should be added into the article.
 * 28) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 29) **You haven't added anything about the CSWE entry or his reaction of you give the serum to someone else.
 * 30) ***Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required.
 * 32) **That was added in before hand; oddly, however, the article includes content however isn't showing anything beneath the first paragraph of the BtS. I'll talk to staff about that. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 34) ** I didn't mean for you to delete that info, I was merely saying that it looked a bunch of facts in a list. The info should be restored and integrated into larger, more orgainsed paragraphs.
 * 35) ***Not deleted. Same problem. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * This page currently is not categorised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **It is categorized, but the categories are in the section not showing. By the time you're reading this, they should be fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Hm. Odd. Seems fine now. Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **I'll vote as soon as an AC review comes in. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:12, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 41) * Last names after first mention, please.
 * 42) **What do you mean? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***The first time you mention an individual, use their full name. From that point onwards, use their last name only. Using first names is seen as too informal for our encyclopedia. --Eyrezer 04:13, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Alright, solely referred to as "Forn" throughout. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  10:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * I'm pretty sure things like "the South" when referring to the Upper City can be dismissed as game mechanics.
 * 46) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * "amnesiac Jedi Knight" doesn't quite cut it when referring to Revan. At the time, he was pretty much nothing in terms of being a Force user; I'd almost prefer that his Force sensitivity is left completely out.
 * 48) **Mhm. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "presumably killed" is speculation. Only say what is known.
 * 50) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * Taris has a "main city?" I thought Taris was a city.
 * 52) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * Again, something like "no known family members" is out-of-universe and speculation.
 * 54) **Removed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Linking needs to be more thorough.
 * 56) **Hm. Could you point out generally where, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * Rakghoul disease needs context in the bio.
 * 58) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * Second paragraph of the bio needs to be broken up; it's a mishmash of not-yet-converged storylines.
 * 60) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * How Shan was on Taris should be provided.
 * 62) **Provided. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "Which option Revan took was unknown, as neither results in a change of alignment. The nature of the conversation afterwards, unless Revan threatened Zelka, was such that it did not change the plot nor the character's alignment, therefore it's undetermined if Revan ever discovered the soldiers." – This is all pretty unnecessary. You can sum it up by stating that later sources which canonized the light-side path don't mention Forn or the medical facility.
 * 64) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * What exactly is meant by "one thousand and fifteen hundred credits?"
 * 66) **Whoops, addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 69) * City of Taris? Do you mean the planet?
 * 70) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * Sith government? Was it really a government? Better wording could be used here.
 * 72) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * Give more information on the rakghoul disease in the bio.
 * 74) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * Give more info on Revan and the circumstances of his amnesia.
 * 76) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) * Quote for the P&T?
 * 78) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Attack of the Clone
 * 81) * "In his standing and position as a doctor": redundant; choose one or the other.
 * 82) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * "Forn would not refuse help to anyone, regardless of their homeworld, species, political affiliation, personality, or even if he hated them on a personal level": the last one stands out with the lack of a noun; please reword.
 * 84) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "medically help or assist": I reworded it to this, but "help" and "assist" are redundant, and "medically" also makes the wording awkward.
 * 86) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "and individuals brought in several Republic soldiers": unclear; what were the individuals' affiliation?
 * 88) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * "even with the possibility of being arrested or even shot": unclear as to who he would be punished by, and the wording is a bit awkward as well.
 * 90) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * Awkward wording that Forn was upset about the plague; try to word to something clearer.
 * 92) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) * "Revan arrived at Forn's facility and convinced him to show them the Republic soldiers, by declaring their loyalty to the Republic." Revan convinced Forn to show who the soldiers?
 * 94) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * What information did Revan agree not to disclose?
 * 96) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * "Although Forn was originally fearful that Revan would betray him, Revan proved him wrong." Sounds strange never mentioning this before; try to move it up. If it happens here, please make it clearer.
 * 98) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Why was Revan's alliance with the Republic a problem for Forn and/or his decision?
 * 100) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) ***Please check this again. Do you meant, "Allied with the Sith as he was, Revan was in favor of Forn’s choice."? Forn's choice was in favor of the Republic, and this wording makes it sound like Revan was allied with the Sith. Please clear this up.  CC7567  (talk) 07:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) * "Revan refused, however, believing Forn needed them more than he and his companions did." Please replace "them" with something more specific.
 * 103) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "even if they were an off-worlder, alien, or even if he hated them": same issue with the different elements not matching; please try to reword.
 * 105) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) * "Forn considered Revan's spirit very noble": builds too much off of each other using "spirit".
 * 107) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) * "for its work on making a Rakghoul serum before it was taken by the Sith": awkward wording.
 * 109) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) * "the light side choices are those chosen canonically": do you mean that "the light side choices are canonical"?
 * 111) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) * "Although canon dictates that the most light side choices would have to be taken": bit unclear; please check and/or clarify.
 * 113) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * Are dark side points bad? It sounds like it from the use of "however"; please check.
 * 115) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) A little expansion on how Revan got Forn to show him the Republic soldiers would be appreciated. Wasn't there several dialogue options, or the option to bypass the door locks? -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:45, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) *Addressed in IRC. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:24, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) Toprawa:
 * 120) *Intro objections:
 * 121) **This needs better and more context. For example, when did he arrive? What year? Perhaps why is he arriving? Doesn't have to go into any great detail, but don't assume the average reader automatically knows what's going on: "When the former Sith Lord Revan, in service to the Galactic Republic after having his memory erased, arrived on Taris" Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:39, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll withhold my vote until some feedback comes. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * You're not meant to vote for your own noms. We got rid of that in the GA system revamp. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1)  Only one unaddressed objection remaining, yes, but one that's been sitting here for over three weeks. This isn't getting a lot of activity, and unless there's something done soon, it needs to go.  CC7567  (talk) 02:35, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *My bad; miscounted the weeks. It's only been two, but I still think it needs to be addressed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:48, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Noticing Floyd's unaddressed objection, I'm going to have to reinstate my vote. With so many current GANs, the tolerance for inactivity is becoming lower.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *I apologize; I've only just noticed Floyd's outstanding objection. Unfortunately, I won't be able to address it until Sunday afternoon, as I won't even be on site until then. If you feel the need to remove the nom then I'm dissapointed but I understand. If you could, however, give me a little more time, seeing as I didn't realize, I'd appreciate it. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  06:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Malevolence

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 01:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it is done :)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Clone Commander Lee 18:31, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 01:45, 1 July 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 22:05, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Preliminaries
 * 2) *Before I give it a complete review or even a copyedit, there are several general things that need to be fixed:
 * 3) * First of all, there's still the sourcing error that I mentioned to you before. I don't know why, but there are multiple refs for the same source. Also, Ref is being unnecessarily used in the body when it's only meant for the infobox.
 * 4) **Addressed and yes I noticed that as well. Im going around and fixing all the ref tags and fining more than 1 reliable source.
 * 5) ***Fixed
 * 6) **** I don't see the Ref tags being used at all in the infobox, when they should be. Please correct this.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *****Nevermind, I took care of this myself. However, Shadow of Malevolence wasn't a source for the warship being able to carry 144 Vulture droids. Please find the proper source.  CC7567  (talk) 21:46, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Refs need to come after periods and commas.
 * 9) **Addressed
 * 10) * There's a lack of sourcing throughout the article, particularly in the Abregado and Ryndellia sections.
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) ***Please check again. There are several instances in which the same source is used following two sentences. Not every single sentence has to be sourced unless it's a different sourced; otherwise, the source needs to come at the end of the paragraph. Also, it's going to be hard for me to review this until the above objection about the Ref tags is fixed.
 * 13) ****This still remains. Not every sentence needs to be sourced unless it has a separate source.
 * 14) *****Ill fix this issue.
 * 15) * The intro requires severe expansion. Two sentences will not suffice for the article.
 * 16) **Addressed :)
 * 17) ***And now the intro is way too long. Please cut it down. Just because two sentences won't suffice doesn't mean that the intro needs to be a third of the article's length.
 * 18) ****Fixed.
 * 19) *****I believe the intro can still be cut down. The battles in the intro only need to mention the direct effect on the Malevolence, i.e. it was revealed to the Republic following the Battle of Abregado.  CC7567  (talk) 20:06, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ******Ill cut it down some more and add more detail of the ship's battle damage
 * 21) *******Addressed
 * 22) ********It can still be cut down more. The section about Phu in particular reads more like a summary of the battle than the warship itself, as do the other battles. One or two sentences at most will suffice for Phu. Also, there are a lot of grammatical errors; please try to catch them if you can.  CC7567  (talk) 17:28, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *********I think the first section of the intro is fine. If I go and add more about the battle, it will just get to lengthy
 * 24) **********I didn't say that it needed to be expanded. I said that it still needs to be shortened. The first section of the intro is too choppy, for one.  CC7567  (talk) 20:12, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***********Addressed and discussed in IRC a few times. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * The Characteristics section needs to be expanded. Everything mentioned in the infobox needs to also be here as well.
 * 2) **Addressed and section renamed to "Description"
 * 3) ***I'll go through this with you more later.
 * 4) * The History needs to include the creation of the Malevolence; it currently appears that the ship's origins are in the Characteristics for an unknown reason.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) ***Also, mentioning that the warship's existence became known in the "Rise" is unnecessary. Simply say it in the Battle of Phu.
 * 7) ****Ill fix it
 * 8) *****Blatantly stating that it was first spotted in the Battle of Phu isn't the best way to go; there's no buildup. Also, it wasn't spotted by the Republic until Abregado, as there were no survivors of Phu.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ******Addressed
 * 10) * In general, please make sure the article follows the Manual of Style and the Layout Guide, particularly the latter. "Characteristics" should be "Description", and a "Commanders and crew" section is also required.
 * 11) **Seeing their is no GA/FA article that has a commander/crew section Example, I didn't create one. The Infobox has a section for the list of commanders/crew. I addressed the Description and will expand it.
 * 12) ***Upon seeing the Executor article, Ill create a commander section.  JangFett  Talk 18:14, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Fixed and added sources for the commander section.
 * 14) * Grievous didn't destroy "dozens of task forces" between Ryndellia and the Kaliida Nebula, as you've so mentioned. Also, it was Dooku himself that gave Grievous the order to target the medical station; that needs to be in there.
 * 15) **Didn't write that part but Ill rewrite it :)
 * 16) ***And now, for some reason, it's unnecessarily mentioned (and linked) twice in both Ryndellia and the Kaliida Nebula sections. Please fix this.
 * 17) ****Fixed
 * 18) *For better examples on what the article should look like by the time it's finished, please see the current FA and GA ship articles.
 * 19) *Good luck. I'll take another look once these have been addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 07:04, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thanks CC :)  JangFett  Talk 16:14, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Also, please check the sources available to you and see if you can get specifics on the warship's size, specifically for its length. If you don't have access to them, I would recommend trying to find users who do.  CC7567  (talk) 07:11, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Addressed. This was discussed last night in the IRC channel. From TCW: Decoded, they said it was roughly 5m.
 * 23) ***TCW:Shadow of Malevolence was listed as a source for it's listed length in the article. No character in that episode spoke about any specific description about it's length, but the decoded episode did however.
 * 24) ****I meant to check the printed references such as the Visual Guide and Campaign Guide. I'll let this pass for now, but I would suggest trying to obtain access to them, as you might need them to check the credibility of current information in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:17, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) A bit more for now
 * 26) * A better quote can be found for the Battle of Phu. This one-word quote isn't the most appropriate one; try to check HoloNet News — A Galaxy Divided if you can. Not every single quote has to come from Grievous.
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * The Kaliida Shoals Medical Center is being linked and unnecessarily mentioned twice in both the Battle of Ryndellia and the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, and I'm seeing this as an effect of copy/pasting the Battle of Ryndellia into the article. Please go through the article again and check for errors like this. The article can still be written more from the perspective of the warship. Not to the point where the article is biased, but the battles' effects on the ship need to be expanded a great deal.
 * 29) **I've managed to remove those multiple links and rewrote a few sentences in the beginning.
 * 30) ***There's still more work required for this.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * There's a great deal of overlinking throughout the article. Other articles should only be linked when they first appear, not several times throughout the article. This applies separately to the intro and body.
 * 32) **Addressed
 * 33) * Please check that you use last names throughout the whole article. Full names need to be used when first mentioned, but after that, use only last names. You use "Obi-Wan" in the intro at least once when you fist link him.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "The destruction of the Malevolence by crashing into a moon echoes the fate of the Executor by falling into the second Death Star's gravity field, as well as the dispute over its size." This is original research, and unless it was confirmed to be inspiration for the Malevolence, it needs to go.
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * Just from rereading the Characteristics section, I'm noticing a lot of grammatical errors. Please go through the article scrupulously and do another check. Perhaps reading the article out loud will help you.  CC7567  (talk) 19:17, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * A better picture can be found for the Battle of Abregado, perhaps one showing the Malevolence instead of its effects.  CC7567  (talk) 20:06, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) **Im going to capture HD quality screenshots of Grievous for the commander section as well as the Abregado image.
 * 41) ***You can already check existing images from the episode. This image would be suitable.  CC7567  (talk) 20:29, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Addressed and replaced/added images.
 * 43) * The fact that Dooku was the one who told his master to send Amidala to the nebula is unconfirmed. It's more of an assumption; it isn't known on whose orders Palpatine was acting, unless you can find a source that explicitly states it so.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) ***Please just remove it; "possibly" is speculation, and speculation has absolutely no place in articles unless it has an official basis.
 * 46) ****Addressed
 * 47) * I'm going to simply ask you to rewrite the battle parts of the article. I'm still seeing a great deal of copying from the battle articles, and while yes, it does encompass most of the important details, it's not professional and it isn't original. The article can still be written a great deal more from the aspect of the warship itself.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Addressed
 * 49) ***No, there's still a lot of unnecessary info in there. Is it really necessary to include the news report when you can simply say that Koon began to search for the warship? In the Abregado section, there's zero buildup to Koon's rescue, and it's not clearly stated. And I'm still not seeing much of a change overall. When I mean rewrite, I mean that you need to change the article so that it doesn't look like you copy/pasted directly from the battle articles, which it still appears that you did.  CC7567  (talk) 17:28, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Addressed
 * 51) *****I'm still seeing a lot of places lacking change. For certain parts, I can still tell that it's the exact wording from the battle articles, and it still doesn't expand on the warship's effects. If you still need help with this, I'll point out the specifics.  CC7567  (talk) 06:03, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ******"Ryndellia Conflict", "Battle of Abregado", and the intro have been fixed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Attack of the Clone number...whatever we're on
 * 2) * In the intro, I would establish notable details of its size and features before jumping into its history. You can say that it was longer than five Jedi cruisers, and that it was equipped with two ion cannons that allowed it to disable its prey's shields, leaving its targets vulnerable to turbolaser fire.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"First spotted by Republic forces around 22 BBY by Jedi General Ares Nune and Clone Commander Kite in the Phu system. The battle was the first time the massive Malevolence used its ion pulse cannons to disable an enemy fleet. The battle resulted as a major CIS victory due to the deaths of Nune and Kite and their fleet. The overwhelmed Jedi took note on the Separatists' new deadly superweapon." A few things:
 * 5) ** First of all, the first sentence is extremely choppy. In fact, all of the sentences are. Please read the next objection and then try to merge them accordingly.
 * 6) ** Please cut these sentences down. All that needs to be said of the Battle of Phu is that it was the first battle the Malevolence was in, and that it disabled Jedi General Ares Nune's fleet with its ion cannons. You can say that Plo Koon then led a search for the Malevolence, but please try to keep it short and to-the-point.
 * 7) ** A lot of this is simply redundant.
 * 8) ***All addressed.
 * 9) ** "Grievous ordered to use the massive ion cannons for the first time and thus destroying Kit's fleet." The way you're using "ordered" doesn't work without Grievous ordering someone or something. Please fix this. If you want, you can word it like "Grievous ordered the ship's massive ion cannons to be used". Also, this isn't officially proven to be the very first time the Malevolence used its ion cannons; if I remember correctly, it had already begun terrorizing Republic fleets before Phu. That doesn't mean that Phu couldn't have been the first time they were used; it's possible, but it's unknown, so speculating that it is is simply that&mdash;speculation. Please try to word around it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:21, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Addressed and reworded. Removed speculation as well.
 * 11) * I know I said earlier that all that needed to be said for Abregado in the intro was that the Malevolence was revealed to the Republic, but please try to elaborate a tad, i.e. that it was revealed to the Republic after it destroyed Koon's fleet.
 * 12) **Addressed
 * 13) * "Several Pelta-class frigates were fleeing the Ryndellia system. The massive Malevolence destroyed all frigates and one Venator-class Star Destroyer that was escorting the frigates." Again, please shorten this; since it's the intro, you only have to say that the Malevolence destroyed a Republic medical convoy on its way to Kaliida Shoals.
 * 14) **Addressed
 * 15) ***"While attempting to retreat to the medcenter, several Pelta-class frigates were destroyed by the Malevolence." This isn't factually correct, and it's still too long; I still recommend simply saying a "Republic medical convoy".  CC7567  (talk) 19:21, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****I'm having trouble with wording this. I have replaced the "attempting to retreat" with "flee". Other than that, addressed.
 * 17) * Can you get it in earlier that Skywalker sabotaged the Malevolence ' s hyperdrive before it actually malfunctions?
 * 18) **Addressed
 * 19) * "The battle droids stationed on the Malevolence noticed that the hyperdrive has been fixed." It wasn't fixed, so they can't "notice" that it was. You can say that they believed it to be fixed.
 * 20) **Addressed
 * 21) * "After the ion cannon had disabled an enemy warship, approximately 500 turbolasers were mounted on the ship's enormous hull to fire upon the disabled vessel to it's destruction." First of all, nothing can be "fired to its destruction". While I'm at it, please check your usage of contractions; unless you mean "fire upon the disabled vessel to it is destruction", that apostrophe shouldn't be there. Please check your apostrophe and contraction usage throughout the article.
 * 22) **Addressed and removed the statement to make the sentence seem clearer to the reader.
 * 23) ***I'm striking all but the apostrophe usage; I'll check this as I go along in future reviews.
 * 24) * "Designed with an internal rail jet system, a hover train that transported ammunition, supplies and sometimes troops throughout the ship." This isn't a sentence by itself; there's no correctly placed subject and verb in there. Please check this. Also, I'm starting to notice this choppiness throughout the article, so please do another check for similar things so I don't have to object to the same thing over and over.
 * 25) **Addressed
 * 26) ***Again, the last unstricken part I will be checking as I go along.  CC7567  (talk) 19:21, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "At least 1 pod hunter was also boarded": this doesn't make sense; nothing can be "boarded" in the way that you're using the word. Also, you need to establish that "pod hunter" was a nickname for the Droch-class boarding ship; it's not clear right now. Also, I would recommend adding in the rocket battle droids here to make it clearer what the "hunters" were.
 * 28) **Addressed
 * 29) * Are you sure that the Malevolence appeared in the TCW novel? Please refer me to the page it's on. Also, if it does appear, I don't see any info from it in the article.
 * 30) **No, it was not. Addressed
 * 31) * Why were Kite and Nune in the Phu system?
 * 32) **Addressed in both the intro and body.
 * 33) * I would recommend noting the discrepancies as noted in refnotes in the Battle of Phu and Laudable; while it was confirmed in the web comic that the Malevolence used its ion cannons to destroy the fleet, Kite and Nune did indeed try to escape first, per the HoloNet News podcast.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "Grievous ordered the Malevolence to leave the system as Republic reinforcements might arrive, thus confirming the first victory for the Separatists' new superweapon." Please source this properly; this didn't appear in either the web comic or the podcast.
 * 36) **Then it was a speculation. Removed.
 * 37) * "The Confederate Head of State, the Sith Lord Count Dooku": there's too much context in there that detracts from sentence flow; please cut it down.
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * "Dooku was not impressed by Grievous's efforts, and if those pods escaped, the Republic would learn of their ion cannon." The episode gave no evidence that Dooku was displeased with Grievous at this point, and the sentence is overall phrased badly. Yes, if the pods escaped and the survivors survived, the Republic would learn of the Malevolence. So what did Dooku do? Since the transition to the next paragraph isn't very good, I would just recommend adding it here that the pod hunters were deployed.
 * 40) **Addressed
 * 41) * "to seek enemies that had jettisoned in escape pods": since we know just who those "enemies" were, please reword this.
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * "Following the rescue of Koon and the surviving clones, all of Plo Koon's forces except for a few clones and the Jedi himself had been killed." You've already stated that the battle droids destroyed all but Koon's pod, so this is redundant.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) * "However, Koon, Skywalker, and Tano were able to give a report to the Jedi Council on the Malevolence, and the Republic learned of the warship and its ion cannons." There's absolutely no mention of the Twilight ' s encounter with the Malevolence, and that was quite an important aspect; please add it in.
 * 46) **Addressed
 * 47) * I would suggest changing the "Ryndellia conflict" quote; it's not even related to the Battle of Ryndellia.
 * 48) **Addressed
 * 49) * The Venator-class cruiser opened fire on the Malevolence? Really? I'm quite doubtful that happened; please check the episode.
 * 50) **Indeed it didn't. Addressed.
 * 51) * "However, Grievous showed no mercy and attacked the Venator-class cruiser and the frigates with its numerous laser cannons." So the "numerous laser cannons" belonged to Grievous? Please reword.
 * 52) **Haha. My mistake, Addressed.
 * 53) * "and showed Dooku that Grievous had learned from his mistake at the Battle of Abregado": this isn't very coherent, and it's not factually correct; Grievous's confidence was boosted because he believed that Dooku was showing faith in him. Please reword.
 * 54) **Addressed
 * 55) *I'm up to "Destruction of the Malevolence", but I'll leave you with these for now. Again, please try to pay attention to overlinking, underlinking, and tense problems; I've encountered all so far while copyediting.  CC7567  (talk) 03:20, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) **Okay. I'll look over that section as well as linking, grammatical issues.
 * 57) * Also, since you've used the quote from A Galaxy Divided as the leading quote, I would recommend adding to the "Description" (for its size) or at least to the "History" section that those people debated the warship's size.  CC7567  (talk) 03:21, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Addressed
 * 59) The attack continues
 * 60) * "En route to the medical facility, Dooku contacted Grievous through a hologram transmission, and received word from Darth Sidious that the Republic had launched a small group of fighters to attack the Malevolence." This isn't chronologically correct; it sounds like Dooku received word from Sidious after he had contacted Grievous.
 * 61) **Addressed
 * 62) *"Grievous noticed that the Malevolence ' s hyperdrive was not fast, and had to arrive before Republic reinforcements do." I don't see why this is here for numerous reasons. Grievous himself was frustrated with the warship's speed, yes, but it needs to be phrased more from the perspective of the warship, i.e. "Grievous noted that the Malevolence was slower than he had been informed". Also, the second part of the sentence isn't coherent at all, especially due to tense issues.
 * 63) **Addressed
 * 64) ***Please check this again; I would encourage you to put what I suggested or something similar.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) *" that could be fast enough to evade the Malevolence ' s ion cannons": could be is not clear; there are no circumstances mentioned. Please just reword it.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) * There's a rather severe lack of the launching of Vulture droids during the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, and in general, there's a lot of details missing about the battle. Please just rewatch the episode to make sure you have everything in there.
 * 68) **Addressed and added droid attack. I didn't want to add more detail of Skywalker's attack because that will change the perspective.
 * 69) * "Kenobi and his fleet joined Skywalker's forces and kept firing at the disabled Malevolence." If Kenobi and his fleet just arrived, they can't "keep" firing when they haven't even started.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * In the second paragraph of the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, please nix all the word redundancy. Also, it can overall be phrased better, as it's unclear how Sidious got Amidala to go to the nebula. I realize that it isn't directly related to the Malevolence, but it's overall unclear with a severe lack of detail. Check the battle's article if you have problems doing this.
 * 72) **Addressed
 * 73) ***Check below for more stuff related to this.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Again, there's a great deal of detail missing in the third paragraph of the battle. Either rewatch the episode, look at the battle article, look at the episode guide, or do all three. If you still need help, please tell me and I'll point out what's missing, but I'd prefer if you can find the missing details yourself.
 * 75) **Addressed
 * 76) *"caused it to jump into a nearby moon": too colloquial and unclear. Furthermore, it didn't "hit" the moon until much later; it went toward the moon.
 * 77) **Addressed
 * 78) ***Now there's absolutely no mention of the moon at all.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * "Battle droids assumed full responsibility for maintaining and controlling the bridge." If they have "full responsibility" for anything, they would be answering to Dooku. Please rephrase.
 * 80) **Addressed
 * 81) *Please replace "shaken" for Grievous's relations to the battle droids; it's not clear in this case.
 * 82) **Addressed
 * 83) ***Still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 19:13, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "Count Dooku was on board at the time of the Battle of Abregado and acted as a adviser for Grievous, and served as another commander." Slight run-on, please reword.
 * 85) **Addressed
 * 86) *The Bts needs to include more regarding the ship's appearances. Also, are you sure you've checked every single relevant source for new information?
 * 87) **I checked the New Essential Chronologically, and it had minor details of the warship, but it was just a design.
 * 88) ***If the NEC has something, even if it's a design, mention it.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * The Art of Revenge of the Sith is listed as a source; however, from what I can tell, there's no information from it in the article. Please check it.
 * 90) **Addressed
 * 91) *The last sentence of the second Bts paragraph is a run-on and lacks good phrasing.
 * 92) *Jang, the article still requires more work for it to be ready. I would suggest rewatching the episodes and noting relevant details to the ship. However, I'm still noticing numerous tense issues and spelling errors throughout the article, and I highly urge you to be more careful in the future. You should be able to catch both of these problems on your own, or you should at least be using Microsoft Word or a similar program to check your spelling. As for the tense issues, the only reason they are there is because of a lack of proofreading, and no word processing program I know can correct them for you.  CC7567  (talk) 00:11, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) *Please vary "disabled", particularly in the "Description".  CC7567  (talk) 19:13, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) Continuing
 * 95) * "Vulture droid left the Malevolence and attacked the Republic group. While attacking Skywalker's bombers, Grievous ordered the battle droids to fire the ion cannon on the approaching group." First off, please vary "attacking", and second, these sentences are rather choppy. Please try to merge them.
 * 96) **Changed the sentence sentence, and rewrote the first.
 * 97) * "However, the Republic squadron managed to damage the two heavy ion cannons, causing them to overload and explode. The Malevolence ' s hyperdrive was also disabled from the effects of the damaged ion cannons." Same issue of choppiness.
 * 98) **Addressed
 * 99) * "Sidious, using his alter ego of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, sent Padmé Amidala and her protocol droid, C-3PO, whom were to negotiate with the IBC officials for a peace treaty that would lead them to leave the CIS." This is simply incoherent. You can't use "the" because you haven't named the IBC officials, "whom" is not being used correctly, and "lead them to leave the CIS" is unclear. Please reword.
 * 100) **Addressed
 * 101) *You say that Amidala was first "captured" by the tractor beam, but then evaded "capture" by destroying her ship, and this is rather unclear.
 * 102) **Addressed
 * 103) ***The word redundancy is still a problem, and it still sounds like they were captured twice. Please say something about the tractor beam capturing their ship, but word variation needs to be used.  CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "The senator fled the area when Grievous and his entourage approached the transmission box." ...No, she didn't; it's factually incorrect. She waited for them to pass and then headed for the rail jet.
 * 105) **Yes, I should have caught that.
 * 106) * "Battle droids were stationed around the internal rail jet room during the departure of Grievous, who left on a rail cart inside the room." It wasn't clear in the episode when they arrived; I would suggest mentioning them when they attack Amidala and the Jedi. This will also help the lack of a mention of the battle droids attacking them in the following paragraph.
 * 107) **Addressed
 * 108) *Please vary "rail jet room"; you don't have to try and find synonyms, but please find something else to use.
 * 109) **Removed a few "rail jet"
 * 110) ***It can be varied more in the second paragraph of "Destruction".  CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) * Please watch your excessive usage of "soon" and "then"; they're giving an unnecessary sense of chronology.
 * 112) **Indeed, addressed. Hope that helped CC.
 * 113) * "Kenobi soon left the rail jet room and damaged the hyperdrive further near the guarded reactor room." ...No, he didn't; I don't know where you got this from, but Grievous confronted Kenobi before he could do anything. Also, please provide a source (or your reasoning) that says there was a "reactor room".
 * 114) **Addressed
 * 115) * I'd like to see more detail on the battle. That doesn't mean writing it like the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, but you should at least say that Skywalker and Amidala fought battle droids on the way to the bridge.
 * 116) **Addressed
 * 117) *I realize that a lot of my objections are falling under, but addressing them will teach you more about what's expected of an article to meet GAN standards. I'm going to again recommend that you take a look at the article for both overlinking and underlinking; I'm still noticing both, and I want you to be able to find them without me asking you to.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) **No that's fine CC.
 * 119) Continuing, still
 * 120) * What's the source that said it was Grievous's first flagship? That isn't sourceable to the episodes.
 * 121) **Possibly a speculation. I removed it.
 * 122) *There can still be more not only about the battle, but about the ship itself. What did the firefighter droids do? What droids accompanied Grievous both to the hangar and on his search for Amidala? What about that internal communication that the droid crew on the bridge missed?
 * 123) **Addressed
 * 124) ***There's still a lot more that can be said. Furthermore, please clarify what you mean by "However, the droids, who were destroyed by Skywalker and Amidala, did not contact the a squad of B1 battle droids that were preparing to jump to hyperspace." It sounds like you're trying to say that because the first droids were destroyed by Skywalker and Amidala they couldn't warn the other droids about the still-damaged hyperdrive, but it seems like it's there simply to emphasize the coincidence instead of fact.  CC7567  (talk) 03:54, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) *"After Kenobi Force-pushed C-3PO onto storage containers outside the jet railings, he entered a large maintenance room." I have no idea where you got this from. Furthermore, the "he" is unspecific, and if you're talking about Kenobi, he entered the hyperdrive room.
 * 126) **This sentence is more toward the viewer's poi. Kenobi force pushed C-3PO onto some sort of boxes (I said storage containers), he then entered the hyperdrive room.
 * 127) ***...no, I believe that Kenobi Force-pulled C-3PO out of some storage boxes on the rail jet, and that's when C-3PO was smacked onto a passing train. Please re-watch the episode yourself and clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 00:54, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) ****I rewatched the episode and it seemed Kenobi pushed him off. Are you sure he pulled him?
 * 129) *****I'm not even sure that we're talking about the same place. When Amidala and her droid are fleeing the battle droids in the rail jet junction, she tells C-3PO to "jump", she pushes him onto a crate in a rail jet and jumps onto another car herself. At 13:01, C-3PO is stuck in a crate, and Kenobi uses the Force to pull him out of the crate, and that's when C-3PO gets hit by the rail jet. That's the sequence I'm talking about; I don't know which one you are. There's quite a distance between this sequence and when Kenobi goes to the hyperdrive room.  CC7567  (talk) 03:54, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) *I'd like to see the Commanders and crew section expanded much more. What droids were stationed aboard the Malevolence, since they're indeed part of the crew? What battles were Grievous and Dooku present for? What was the relation between the two commanders?
 * 131) *Since the NEC and Art of ROTS were published well before the TCW series began, the appearance templates (1stm, in particular) need to be applied correct, and the Bts still needs to be expanded. I know that I've mentioned both of these to you already, but they haven't been done yet.
 * 132) **Addressed
 * 133) ***It's not "1stID" that has to be used, it's 1stm. Furthermore, was it a Separatist communications ship in the series? Since all of those were simply designs and concept ideas before it was actually put into TCW, I don't see why the "1stID" has to be used the way it is now.  CC7567  (talk) 00:54, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) *Please vary names more throughout the article. Many parts are redundant. Try using specific nouns to refer to the people.
 * 135) *Please check that you have all relevant details to the ship's design in the "Description" section. For one, you need to mention that there were comm panels throughout the ship, since that's what was required to communicate across it.
 * 136) *Jang, there's still more work to be done, and I again encourage you to re-watch the episodes to make sure you have everything. Furthermore, please check any above objections in past reviews to make sure that you have not missed anything; anything unstricken is unaddressed.  CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll review the rest later.  CC7567  (talk) 19:13, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Moradmin Bast
> JangFett  Talk 00:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Quite solid work, One of the few outside TCW articles I've rewritten :P

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * "Moradmin Bast was an Imperial Army general, subordinate to High General Cassio Tagge, and the personal aide to Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin aboard the first Death Star, and served as chief manager in the Death Star." Split these sentences up.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"Though soon after, Bast was killed when the Death Star exploded near Yavin 4, after Luke Skywalker's proton torpedo entered the Thermal exhaust port in the Death Star." The "Though soon after" is rather awkward.
 * 5) **Indeed, removed that statement.
 * 6) * " Seated to the left of his superior officer, Tagge, the group of command staff stationed in the Death Star discussed the Rebel Alliance, and their victory in obtaining the Death Star plans." Is it really relevant where he sat?
 * 7) **Not really :) Removed
 * 8) * " Motti and Tagge argued about the Imperial Senate's continuous support for the Alliance, though with the intervention of Tarkin, he announced to the assembled command staff the Emperor's dissolution of the Imperial Senate. " Reword. It makes it sound like Motti or Tagge announced the dissolution of the Senate, although it was Tarkin.
 * 9) **Removed that comma and added a period before "Though".
 * 10) * Be consistent on your capitalization of the "Force".
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * "During the Battle of Yavin, Imperial military analysts, who had been studying the Rebels' initial attempt to enter the battle station's northern polar trench, brought to Bast's attention." Brought what to Bast's attention?
 * 13) **Addressed and removed that statement.
 * 14) * "Bast indicated that the small thermal exhaust port was a potential danger to everyone onboard the battlestation. " Tell why the exhaust port is a danger.
 * 15) **Addressed. I stated that it was a entrance to the main reactor; I could say why it was a "danger" in a different sentence, but I don't want to get off topic.
 * 16) * "Though, the engineers stationed on the Death Star experienced slight difficulties, delaying the destruction of Yavin 4." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) * "after one of his fighters bumped his own fighter, " Reword.
 * 19) **haha, Thanks for addressing this objection. Fixed, hope that works
 * 20) * "as well as all the Death Star's commendations," I don't think commendations is appropriate here.
 * 21) **Reworded
 * 22) * Is content of the Legacy section really suitable for Legacy? It's really just "There was a guy who looked like him."
 * 23) **No, removed. The mentioning of the lookalike is in the bts.
 * 24) * Quote for P&T?
 * 25) **The only major quote he said in Episode IV was the "analyzed the attack sir". I don't want to repeat the quote because I used it two times. I moved one variation of that quote to the P&T from the Battle of Yavin section.
 * 26) * "many of whom were also assigned to the Death Star included:" Reword, although I would prefer you cut the part about the other Imperial officers with the same facial hair out entirely. It's not very relevant./s>
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * "The lookalike officer in the Holiday Special has not yet been identified, and his connection with Bast, if any, has not been explained, but it is known that is not Bast, and that Bast died in the Battle of Yavin." Split this sentence up, and the one following it.
 * 29) **Addressed
 * 30) * Watch your linking. Articles are linked to once in the intro and once in the main body of the article.
 * 31) **Fixed
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Mauser:
 * 34) * One thing is obligatory for all movie noms: check all adaptations. In your case: the novel, the junior novel, the Marvel adaptation, the Dark Horse adaptation, the Manga adaptation, the photo comic, the radio drama, The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader and possibly some others. Simply adding them to the appearances list is not nearly enough: you must check all of them for any new info and inconsistencies.
 * 35) **I completely agree, though I need to check if he was in the novel. I don't quite remember if he was in the 1976 and the most recent adaptions, but I will check. Bast wasn't identified until CCG, he was known by a different name/designation before the CCG. Death Star referred to Bast as "lieutenant".
 * 36) ***Fixed sources and references. Expanded bts as well.
 * 37) ****What about the Dark Horse adaptation and the radio drama?
 * 38) *****He was in the Dark Horse but not in the radio drama. Addressed.
 * 39) * A movie character with lines such as Bast is ought to have more sources mentioning him. Cards from Star Wars Trading Card Game and Star Wars PocketModel TCG are the first ones that spring to mind, but I'm sure there are a lot more. Even the sources, that are already listed, you don't seem to use. Where's the info from the Insider article, Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary, Star Wars Encyclopedia for that matter?
 * 40) **I'll be adding more sources and I'll check those visual dictionaries. Hopefully the newer sources say he is Bast.
 * 41) ***Same comment in the previous objection.
 * 42) *Keeping in mind that those two objections are pretty major and will require a lot of time to get the sources alone, I'd say this article's chances of getting GA'd in the near future are slim at best.  Mauser  Comlink 10:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **With respect, Fett, you should have done that prior to moninating the article.  Mauser  Comlink 13:18, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Though a article can change throughout the nomination.
 * 45) ****Will give a full review after the last two sources are checked.  Mauser  Comlink 10:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) Jinzler
 * 47) * The sources list is not in chronological order
 * 48) **I'm aware of that; I'll be adding new sources soon and reorder them.
 * 49) * I may be wrong, but wasn't Bast's rank known only to be "Chief" until the release of Death Star, which confirmed that he was a general? If so, this should be mentioned in the BTS section
 * 50) **CCG referred to him as Chief Bast. Death Star was only "lieutenant". But I'll check the novel just to make sure.
 * 51) * I know that Floyd has suggested that you remove the legacy section but if you keep it, it could do with some slight rephrasing: Two years after Bast's death, a man who served onboard the Imperial I-class Star Destroyer Devastator resembled Bast - this seems to give the impression that the man only resembled Bast while aboard the Star Destroyer. It would perhaps sound better if you changed it to "a man resembling Bast served onboard an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. Also you could perhaps add a bit more context to this and mention the Blockade of Kashyyyk
 * 52) *My favourite Death Star officer --Jinzler 23:30, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **I agree :)
 * 54) Mauser strikes back:
 * 55) * Sources needs to be sorted by the order of publishment.
 * 56) **Addressed
 * 57) * Why have succession box, if he's the only person to ever hold such position?
 * 58) *Addresed
 * 59) * Context for the Death Star in intro.
 * 60) **Adressed
 * 61) * In the intro you use the words Death Star too much. Replace some instances with "battlestation" or something.
 * 62) **Addressed
 * 63) * Intro could be expanded.
 * 64) **I dont think so. The intro explains his rank within the Death Star, which is partly revealed in the DS novel. Then sums up his role in A New Hope.
 * 65) * No "remains unknown" is allowed.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) *" either assigned or personally selected" - speculation.
 * 68) **Addressed
 * 69) * "He seems to have functioned well" - speculation.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * You describe all events in the conference room, though not all of them are relevant to Bast himself. Please re-check.
 * 72) **Addressed
 * 73) * Find at least one more image for the article.
 * 74) **Addressed
 * 75) * The image of Bast and Vader is from the very deleted scene you talk about. Therefore, it is not Bast.
 * 76) **Addressed
 * 77) * You say that Skywalker led a squad into the trench. Read the squad article and reword accordingly.
 * 78) **Addressed
 * 79) ***I corrected it myself.
 * 80) *More to come.  Mauser  Comlink 15:59, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Next round:
 * 82) *Infobox: you don't even say that he was a Human male. Same for the bio.
 * 83) **Actually, it was in the infobox but not in the bio. Added in the bio.
 * 84) ***Sorry, still can't see it in the bio.
 * 85) * "found a potential danger" - what exactly was the danger?
 * 86) **Addressed in the intro.
 * 87) ***The thing is, intro should be self-explanatory.
 * 88) **Expanded the meaning of it in the intro. But it is explained in his bio.
 * 89) * "Bast confronted Tarkin" - that wasn't a confrontation. Besides, you don't even say that he asked Tarkin to evacuate.
 * 90) **Reworded and expanded.
 * 91) * "Bast entered service in the Imperial Army and rose through the ranks" - what's the source for that?
 * 92) **Reworded, that section is sourced to the DS novel.
 * 93) * "Bast had no personal aspirations beyond serving the Empire, and was loyal to Tarkin and Tagge." - that belongs in P&T.
 * 94) **Addressed
 * 95) *Why did the Rebels run out of time?
 * 96) **Expanded
 * 97) ***Again, is that really relevant to Bast? Check the article TK-622 - it only mentions parts of the battle that were essential to his fate, no need to focus on Luke and vader instead of Bast.
 * 98) *Tarkin did not order Bast to fire the superlaser, of that I'm certain. The orders were to another officer.
 * 99) **I'm certain it was Bast and then Bast gave the order to the chief gunnery officer.
 * 100) ***I will double-check it soon.
 * 101) * The whole last paragraph of the bio with the description of the Battle of Yavin looks choppy. Check it again and leave only elements relevant to Bast himself.
 * 102) **Addressed and removed a section.
 * 103) * Expand P&T.
 * 104) **I merged that sentence in the bio in the P&T, though their is not too much information about him and I have listed what is seen in the DS novel and A New Hope.
 * 105) *In Holiday Special Bast's lines from the movie were re-dubbed, you should mention that.
 * 106) **Addressed
 * 107) ***Sorry, you misunderstood me. In the ANH deleted scene he and Vader had one dialogue, while in the Holiday Special it was replaced with a compeletely different one. It's explained in Star Wars: Behind the Magic.
 * 108) *  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) Chack Attack:
 * 110) * Your sources are out of order.
 * 111) **Addressed
 * 112) * I'm currently working on Motti, and there ended up being a lot more P&T info than I expected (little tidbits from numerous sources). Are you sure that you can't expand the P&T for Bast? Going along with this, are you sure those are all the sources? I realize his role is less than Motti's but still, I'd think there might be a few more sources than shown here.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:57, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) **P&T expanded. I found very little information about Bast from that source, and he did have a rivalry with Motti. I added that in the bio, and more in the P&T.
 * 114) *You may be missing sources. Use Jaymach's site, and check sources like Galaxy Guide 1 and other sourcebooks which deal with that time period.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:54, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) **I looked through various of old sourcebooks, and Galaxy Guide and they had Bast, however, they only referred to him as "Chief".  JangFett  Talk 20:59, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 00:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Appearances go above sources fyi. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Opps, must have missed that. Thanks for fixing that Trayus :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Attack on the Elders' spaceport

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My third GA nom, continuing JonathanProject:Obi-Wan left the Jedi.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:40, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 04:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 07:41, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * knocked the guard down, then knocked a second guard out. Firstly, knocked is repetitive. Also, does knocked the guard down mean knocked unconscious or just pushed onto the ground?
 * 3) **Reworded. As far as the second part of the objection, the source only states that Obi-Wan "knocked him down", but the description of the rest of the battle clearly indicates that he does not in any way participate in the fight afterward. In other words, he could be knocked out, but we don't know for sure. We know only that he was taken out of the fight, which is reflected by the new wording. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:37, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Soon after, the now-divided Young battled one last time, this time against itself. Time is repetitive.
 * 5) **Reworded.
 * 6) *And that's it. Very well done. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:10, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Cav the Elder:
 * 8) * Intro: The Elders were making the tactical error of refueling all of their fighters—which were their primary advantage in the war—at the same time, and when the Young noticed this, Obi-Wan Kenobi—one of the Young's leaders—came up with a plan to eliminate this advantage and possibly win the war. Multiple use of dash quantifiers in one sentence. Please remove one, or break up and reword the sentence as necessary.
 * 9) **Changed one to commas. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * For centuries, the planet of Melida/Daan had been locked in a civil war as the two native tribes—the Melida and the Daan—fought over years-old grudges. Is there any background to these grudges? Also, using the term "years-old" when you refered to it as "centuries" at the start of the sentence doesn't sit quite right.
 * 11) **In-universe, no one remembers what the original issue was that started the whole thing, but by this time, the "grudge" over which they were fighting was usually a relatively recent battle won by the opposing tribe, so it is correct as written. As far as giving background on the grudges, IMO to explain it would be a lot of extra detail that isn't necessary&mdash;all the reader needs to know is that they've been fighting for centuries over nothing but old grudges. However, I can reword and/or elaborate if you still want. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * The Young - who are they exactly? Are they children from one tribe or the other, or a combination of both?
 * 13) **Both tribes. Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * How did the Young capture the tribe's weapons?
 * 15) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Why exactly did Kenobi leave the Order the fight for The Young?
 * 17) **Already stated: "to join the fight." Specifically, he felt that the Young's cause was greater than that of the Jedi, and thus decided to stay and join the fight. Again, however, IMO it's really not necessary to explain further for purposes of this article, but I can if you want. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Please do. It's important to understand his reasoning. Don't assume that the reader knows everything, or is familiar with the books these events appear in. I for one have never read them. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:48, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Explained. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:11, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * The quote you have in article implies that the Young contacted the Middle Generation for their support after the raid. However, the article text implies that the Middle Generation joined them of their own accord. Please amend the article to reflect the Young making contact.
 * 21) **Adjusted. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Why did Jinn stop the fighting? Why was he there?
 * 23) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * No mention in the CSWE under any of the individual participants entries? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:43, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Though the war itself is mentioned in multiple entries, the CSWE contains absolutely no mention of this particular battle, not even in Roenni's entry. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Attack of the Clone
 * 27) * Can you try to trim down the intro just a tad? It's a bit disproportionate to the article itself.
 * 28) **Trimmed off some excess detail. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * "However, the two tribes joined forces as the Elders and retaliated": can you check this? It sounds like something's missing after "and", or that the "and" simply shouldn't be in there.
 * 30) **It's correct as written. "The two tribes" did two things: they A) "joined forces as the Elders" and B) "retaliated". &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Oops, didn't see that; thanks for clarifying.  CC7567  (talk) 04:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Can it be mentioned a little earlier that the Elders had five starfighters? "Hidden starfighters" isn't very specific, and I don't see much reason of mentioning the crucial fact of the number of fighters later.
 * 33) **It's stated as early as I can state it. The Defenders of the Dead stops just after the opening battle has begun without stating the number of fighters, and The Uncertain Path starts 14 days later, so we don't know exactly what happened in between books. It's very possible they may have had more than (or fewer than) five during the opening battle; all we know for sure is that they had five immediately prior to this attack. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "This worked for the first three": first three what? Starfighters? Young? Elders?
 * 35) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * "and Kenobi moved to compensate": compensate what/for what?
 * 37) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "the strike team bolted for the shaft they had entered the hangar through": I know that this is somewhat grammatically correct, but the placement of "through" is rather awkward; can you try to reword it?
 * 39) **Reworded. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * What exactly was the point of the attack; was it to convince the Middle Generations to ally themselves with the Young? If that was the case, please try to mention it in the prelude instead of all the way down in the aftermath.
 * 41) **The source strongly suggests that possibility with the wording, but it's never explicitly stated and would therefore qualify as OR. The only "point" explicitly stated is to eliminate the Elders' starfighter advantage. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * Is the recap of the end of the war completely necessary to the aftermath of the attack itself?  CC7567  (talk) 00:14, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **Not necessarily, but it's there for two specific reasons. First, the prelude states that the Young's original goal was peace, and I wanted to show the reader how peace was finally reached; otherwise the reader might get the wrong idea that this attack and the end of the war brought peace once and for all. Second, the aftermath section is a little on the small side anyway due to not much information being available, and eliminating that information would shorten it even more. And just to clarify, the Last Battle of Zehava wasn't really part of the Young-Elders War itself as was incorrectly stated in its article; it was actually a standalone battle not technically part of any specific conflict. The war itself ended with this attack. I'll fix that article now. Thanks for the review. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Fair enough, I guess.  CC7567  (talk) 04:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Context for the Young and the Elders in the intro, please. And especially for the Middle Generation. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:10, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *IMO, the names themselves are self-contextualizing. The Young and the Elders are clearly identified as the two factions in the war, and their names provide a good idea of what kind of people make up each faction; identifying the Elders as being made up of the two native tribes really is relevant only to the early part of the prelude section and not the intro, which sums up only the attack itself and the immediately surrounding events. Likewise, the fact that the Young are made up of children is heavily implied by their name, and there's nothing else I can say with getting into the detail of the two native tribes again. As far as the Middle Generation, hardly any canonical information exists on them, and what little context I could provide is again either redundant given the name, or it would be detail irrelevant to the intro. I can try to work some context in if you still want it, but it seems unnecessary to me. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:41, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **Alright, contextified after IRC discussion. The Middle Generation, is, well, the middle generation, and I've added a couple words that I believe should help the reader understand that. Absolutely nothing else is known about them except what you already see in the intro and in the first sentence of the "Aftermath" section; adding that detail would require giving a bit of explanation about the prior wars, and I don't want to add too much since CC already asked me to cut the intro down a bit above. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 848 words at the time of nomination. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Jaccoba

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 06:30, 30 July 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Tarkov nom.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) After a copy-edit. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:55, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good after a small copyedit. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:37, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:24, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 00:04, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Can you specify exactly where in the DVD Jaccoba's name origin was revealed?  CC7567  (talk) 00:52, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Objection time.
 * 3) *“…was a Wookiee boy” – I’d like to see this replaced with “was a young Wookiee male”, to make it more encyclopaedic when referring to the sexes like this.
 * 4) *Context on grantaloupe in the intro.
 * 5) *Same as first objection in first paragraph of biography.
 * 6) *Same as second objection but in first paragraph of biography.
 * 7) *More variation between the introduction and biography; I’m noticing several phrases repeated. No major changes needed, just a few variations of synonyms and the likes.
 * 8) *This isn’t so much an objection as a question; could the P&T be expanded a tad to include such things as what he wore, his relation with his father? I’ve not seen the sources in question.
 * 9) *Not really, I added something else to the end though.
 * 10) *That’s all for now. Otherwise, well done Kilson. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:10, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Your objections are addressed, thank you for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 01:57, 17 July 09 (UTC)
 * 12) Toprawa:
 * 13) *My objection here is identical to CC's. I think it would be best to specify in the appropriate reference note where Jaccoba is mentioned in the DVD set. The audio commentary, etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:15, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *You're definitely missing information from The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia under the "Jaccoba" entry. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:17, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **OK, your objections are addressed. Kilson Likes PIE 20:41, 27 July 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * It's the same with Tarkov; I'm going to have to hold off voting until the CW DVD has been checked. Otherwise, the article won't be confirmed to have proper source coverage. If you need help doing this, let me know, but please try.  CC7567  (talk) 23:55, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified bounty hunter (Sacking of Coruscant)

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:22, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No quotes, so can't think of one. :/

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) All right, but I'd feel better if you added that data to the article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:51, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:42, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farl says: Excuse me but, how do you know this person is a bounty hunter? She might be a mercenary, a soldier, a thug, a bodyguard, a pilot... Probably I've just missed that reference in the video, could you humor me and pinpoint it? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:41, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Good catch, but, as Cav pointed out to me, she's wearing the armor assigned to the bounty hunter class. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  09:46, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Attack of the Clone
 * 4) *Please vary one of the uses of "as the Sith ".
 * 5) *Please vary "confronted".
 * 6) *Are you sure that the trailer is a source for the fact that she was wearing armor assigned to the bounty hunter class?  CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 20:00, 7 July 2009 (UTC) Ah, missed that, cheers. -- Darth tom  <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  09:46, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * tag placed <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Iridonian

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:48, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I is for Iridonian...

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * BTS: "Previously the term "Iridonian" was used to refer to Zabraks, but the description of their culture." Confusing to the point that it barely makes any sense. Please reword.
 * 3) *"Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian": The article uses both spellings, and it appears that "Iridonian" is correct based on statements in the BTS and on the talk page. I've fixed a couple, but you should look through the article yourself and fix the rest.
 * 4) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Both have since been removed, due to being factually incorrect, so those are addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:55, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***The first one was expanded on by Mauser and has been struck. The second one, however, is not fixed due to Mauser's reversion; your best bet would probably be to wait a little bit and see if Tranner gets a response from Mr. Chee before fixing it, though I do feel that Mauser is probably right below. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:22, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Iridorian" (which you use throughout the article), since "Iridonian" is used to denote Zabraks from Iridonia. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * See the BTS and the related discussion on the article's talk page. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My point still stands. "Iridorian" is still used throughout the article. Additionally, since "Iridonian" refers to a type of Zabrak, this article should include information on Iridonian Zabraks. For all we know, the being in the main image may be a Zabrak under that armor. Either way, something's just not right - and unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done short of asking Leland Chee about it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My apologies, gentlemen. I forgot to check the name prior to the article's nomination, despite my own doubt that it was "Iridonian". That's now fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:54, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright, you redirected "Iridonian" to Zabrak and changed this nomination to "Iridorian," but Mauser has reverted your changes. So until this issue of "Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian" is resolved, this won't pass. To help speed this up, I've left a post on the "Holocron continuity database questions" forum on StarWars.com, asking Mr. Chee about this issue. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:21, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * To me the case is simple. We have 2 variations of spelling: from KOTOR game and Camaign Guide and we were that LFL considered the one from the game to be a misspelling.  Mauser  Comlink 13:38, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * In the meantime, I've semi-protected it for a month (which will still let most people frequenting this page edit at will.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Refresh my memory, but I think we don't ordinarily include the Eras template on sentient species articles. (If we did include it for this article, the "Old Republic" era icon would be the one to use.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Taris Civil Authority police cruiser

 * Nominated by: Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:49, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments From redlink to GA with only me editing it (bar Image>File bot), it's possible-ish.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Remember not to link in quotes; otherwise it looks good after my copyedit. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:39, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 02:57, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Copy edited. Particularly glaring was the intro bit "following fugitives into ship" :). SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:54, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * What exactly is the "repulsorlift craft"? It's not specified entirely, but it appears that it should have its own article or be linked.
 * 3) **There are two, Taris Civil Authority gunship and Taris Civil Authority airspeeder. Given that the former is specifically mentioned as not being spaceworthy, I've linked to that one. I'll create them as soon as I can too.
 * 4) * Please reword "caught up"; it's both colloquial and unspecific.
 * 5) **I personally think it is the best phrase that fits and is not colloquial. The only other phrase that could work is "become involved in" but then that makes it sound as if Camper and Jarael were doing the arresting. OED entry
 * 6) ***It's not very encyclopedic, in my opinion. The word choice can also mean that they were unwillingly affiliated in the event, and I can't tell if that's what you mean or not. Also, "involved in" shouldn't be improper if you state who was actually doing the arresting, thereby being more to-the-point as I'm advising you to do below.  CC7567  (talk) 20:16, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Reworded Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Are the people's nicknames really necessary? If that's what they're always referred to as, then it's more or less fine, but otherwise they appear to be unneeded.
 * 9) **It is what they are always referred to in the comics so I've gone with it here whilst giving their full name for clarity.
 * 10) * The first two paragraphs of the "History" are unrelated to the cruiser itself, and the cruiser isn't even mentioned. Please either shorten them or clarify why so much detail is relevant to an article about the police cruiser.
 * 11) **They are giving context for why the police cruisers were needed and who they were sent after. I've reworded the second one a bit to make it more contexty...That is a word really...
 * 12) ***"Camper and Gryph were previously acquainted through their work together in smuggling the fugitive Zovius Mendu to Corellia a few months before Gryph was captured by Carrick." Now, is this really directly related to the cruiser itself? There's still a lot of information that's just making it confusing; it sounds like you're writing an article about a battle or a character involved in it, not the cruiser. Context isn't needed to set up every single part of the situation unless it's directly related to the cruiser. The article needs to be more to-the-point. Furthermore, if you simply say who the fugitives were in that sentence you added about why the cruisers were needed, and if you also condense the preceding details, it should be fine. Also, see the new objection below.  CC7567  (talk) 20:16, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****I've rewritten the whole section and cut down the excess contextual waffle (from the intro too). Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Clipping" has the same issue of being colloquial and unspecific; I'm not entirely sure what you mean.
 * 15) **I'll agree that this is colloquial. Changed to "Hitting".
 * 16) * Can you get something in the Bts about where they first appeared, since you already mentioned who penciled them? It'll add more clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 00:56, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Added Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  19:28, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***I've also removed the duplicate link to Issue 3 that the addition caused. I only half removed it and you filled it back in, my bad. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Please source that Fact tag.
 * 20) **Gah, I didn't word it properly first time. Reworded and sourced. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * If this is an article about the cruiser, then the cruiser needs to be mentioned first thing in the "History". Otherwise, it still sounds like the article is about an event. It appears that the first sentence of "Characteristics" would better fit in the "History"; the people using it are more related to the "History" than to the build of the cruiser.  CC7567  (talk) 20:16, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Moved the sentence. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Thanks for the review CC. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) Due to the recent add-on to Rule 8, you'll need to create a page for Taris Civil Authority gunship. (No redlinks in the intro) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:19, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Thanks for pointing that out. Created article and I've also removed references to "repulsorlift" in the cruiser article because neither the gunship or speeder are explicitly stated as being repulsorcraft, just not spaceworthy. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:44, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

The Value of Proper Intelligence to Any Successful Military Campaign is Not to Be Underestimated

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 01:38 18 July 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A part of my on-and-off OOU campaign. The freaking name of this article is longer than the comic itself. :P

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Best acronym ever: tVoPItASMCiNtBU Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  09:55, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) It may be long, but it doesn't beat Roche -- Mauser  Comlink 10:23, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:34, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Nayayen
 * 2) * Is the "Development" section supposed to be the Bts? It should be renamed as such.
 * 3) **Yep, missed that. OOU articles are surpposed to have a Behind the scenes section and a development subsection in them.
 * 4) * Said section needs sourcing. I think there is a ref to the relevant Holocron link on the Gibbela native article.
 * 5) **OK, added.
 * 6) * Your decision as to whether to use or not. I don't think it is wholy needed with so few.
 * 7) *- Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk 14:50, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **I'm actually against, I think it makes small OOU articles look silly. I'll prefer not to use it. Thank you for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 07:16, 21 July 09 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Actually you need to have the App template per our MOS. --Eyrezer 07:16, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Attack of the Clone
 * 11) * Please vary "a small" in the summary.
 * 12) * Please clarify what "Continuity canon" means.
 * 13) *Can the characters in the story get article stubs, or at least get linked?  CC7567  (talk) 01:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) From the Council Chambers: As Eyrezer said, the MOS requires App. Please add it. Otherwise, good job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:52, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 02:14, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Is "polymorphing" even a word? While I was spell checking, I saw the word and didn't seem right. Possibly "polymorphic" would be better. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * "Behind the scenes" should be changed to "description" or somesuch. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:32, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Vischera

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 12:40, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: a typical evil Imperial

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 12:31, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 01:09, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:45, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Maybe mention that he was partially insane in the intro.
 * 3) **Mentioned --Jinzler 12:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * After months of research, Vischera finally succeeded in creating two fully obedient Felucians. He named them Hagark and Kargrek and after after is repetitive.
 * 5) **Fixed --Jinzler 12:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * A little context on the Resistance.
 * 7) **Added --Jinzler 12:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * waited in the facility’s command center to confront them, as the agents would have to pass through it if they were to escape from the prison. He waited with his Felucian bodyguards waited is repetitive.
 * 9) **Fixed --Jinzler 12:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * making him very dangerous. Vischera was cruel and sadistic, making him well suited for Imperial service. Making is repetitive. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:38, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Fixed --Jinzler 12:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) The clone
 * 13) * "Vischera continued to perfect his alterations on the Felucians and kept alive subjects": it's unclear whether "alive" is an adjective pertaining to "subjects", or whether it's a unit with the verb as "kept alive", as in "keep him alive". Please try to reword for clarity.
 * 14) **Reworded --Jinzler 18:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "which could contracted by Felucian children": please check; this isn't making sense.
 * 16) **Oops.. it is fixed --Jinzler 18:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Can you provide more reasoning for his insanity and/or connect it more to the events? Otherwise, it's rather POV-oriented.  CC7567  (talk) 23:03, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Done in P&T. Do you want me to do this in the intro as well? --Jinzler 18:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ***I still can't see your reasoning as to why he's insane. There needs to be evidence for his insanity, not reasons why he became insane.  CC7567  (talk) 22:47, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ****I not sure if I can do this, as the source has limited information, but does call him "demented", which according to my thesaurus, means insane. His experiments could perhaps be construed as evidence of this, but the source does not directly state that he carried out the experiments because of his insanity --Jinzler 08:37, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *****They're ever-so-slightly different, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.  CC7567  (talk) 01:09, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) From the Council Chambers:
 * 23) * "A group of Resistance agents were dispatched to free Varth, and they infiltrated the Felucian prison and freed the Admiral.": "Free" is repetitive.
 * 24) **Fixed --Jinzler 18:07, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Looks good otherwise. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:17, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thanks for your review --Jinzler 18:07, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Toprawa:
 * 28) *My only objection concerns the P/T. Saying his cruelty made him well suited for Imperial service is kind of POV. However, if the source literally says this, it's good to go: "he was cruel and sadistic, making him very dangerous and well-suited for Imperial service" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:11, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * No quotes, unfortunately Jinzler 12:40, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

Underwater dweller

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 06:20, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: U is for underwater dweller. Conjecturally speaking, of course. ~ SavageBob 06:20, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Again, not much to say. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:14, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 01:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:04, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * "Many members of the species inhabited the Underwater Kingdom, below the surface of Sunshine Lake on the Forest Moon of Endor. Most of these lived in large caves" Are the caves in the Underwater Kingdom? Clarify.
 * 3) * "Meanwhile, a bigger member of the species, Orcon, lived alone in his personal stronghold, a cave within an underwater mountain." This seems out of place at the end of the paragraph.
 * 4) * History section in general doesn't flow very well.
 * 5) * "He rescued them from drowning and dragged them into his people's underwater lair." Using the word "dragged" indicates that he brought them to the grotto against their will.
 * 6) *Nice work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 18:33, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for your notes. I've tried to address everything you mentioned. What do you think? ~ SavageBob 00:17, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Looks good.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * If there's enough info, can the skirmish (or mission or whatever) in Orcon's lair get a stub or link?  CC7567  (talk) 01:29, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Good question. Maybe a "Skirmish in Orcon's stronghold" article would work. I'll see about it soon. ~ SavageBob 11:03, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Why's the sourcing done by page number? Also, since "Underwater Dweller" is a conjectural title I don't think it should be capitalized. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:41, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Good point on the caps; I'll fix it. I always source by page number; makes it easier for others to go back and check the work if they need to look something up. ~ SavageBob 11:03, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Are they actually called underwater dwellers in the comic? If so, the Nickname template should be used instead, although the capitalization would be the same. --Eyrezer 09:52, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * No, they call the Ewoks "surface dwellers," and I think whoever created the article first used that to backform "underwater dweller." Which template would that be then? ~ SavageBob 22:23, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Stick with conjecture, seeing as it is created by us. --Eyrezer 04:32, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Nexus Ortai
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:49, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: First TCW battle nom.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 13:35, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Shipyards is actually the best of all TCW graphic novellas :P  JangFett  Talk 20:10, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:17, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 18:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 17:07, 20 July 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 17:01, 20 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:29, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * You can expand the intro a little to make it proportionately to the battle.
 * 3) **Ok, I've expanded it a bit. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Missing sources. You need to source "c. 22 BBY" to the TCW novel, and then source the rest to Shipyards.
 * 2) **I don't think it is necessary. The opening text of Shipyards states that the events are happening "in the early days" of the Clone Wars, so that pretty much means c.22 BBY. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***I looked at the graphic novella as well, that should be fine then :)
 * 2) * Good work, I'll give it a another review soon :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * I'm pretty sure Ghost Squadron is not the same as the Ghost Company. A proper article for the squadrom must be created.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * At least one more image for the article is needed.
 * 5) **Added one to the "aftermath" section. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Mauser  Comlink 10:32, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Attack of the Clone
 * 3) *In the last two sentences of the intro, I'm seeing a lack of specificity with the use of "that", and it would sound better if you try to word it more chronologically, i.e. "After Separatist reinforcements arrived, the Republic was forced to retreat" or something.
 * 4) *Are you sure that Grievous was commanding the Providence? As it was the only of its kind that arrived, it's probable that it was his flagship, but that's not enough evidence. Other than that, nice work.  CC7567  (talk) 23:11, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Broadside (clone)

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 18:40, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My 2nd nom. Thanks to JangFett for the pre-perview

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > JangFett  Talk 18:43, 20 July 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 23:04, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Missing quote in the bio. And if you can, add a quote in the P&T
 * 3) **Adressed.
 * 4) ***And the bio?
 * 5) ****I didn't found one.
 * 6) *****What about his quote/the Squadron motto from Shadow of Malevolence?
 * 7) ******Already the head quote.
 * 8) * Add another image in the bio.
 * 9) **I'll ask JMAS.
 * 10) ***Added.
 * 11) * "Kamino" in the infobox is missing a reference
 * 12) **Adressed.
 * 13) * P&T-"He also was used to bet with his good friend Matchstick about the outcome of their missions." Where does it say that Matchstick was is good friend? If you cannot find anything to back it up, remove it.
 * 14) **Adressed.
 * 15) * P&T-"He was proud of his squadron and quoted the Squadron motto in front of his Jedi commanders." Less colloquial. What Squadron motto?
 * 16) **Adressed.
 * 17) ***Not addressed. What I mean is add his line from Shadow of Malevolence.
 * 18) ****Which line ?
 * 19) *****The motto is fine. But change Jedi Commanders to Skywalker, since he addressed Broadside.
 * 20) ******Fixed.
 * 21) * Lee, your missing sources in the sources section.
 * 22) **Which exact ?
 * 23) ***Check the episode guide, the TCG Clone Wars card pack, Visual guides.
 * 24) ****Fixed.
 * 25) * Rewrite the entire B&T. Make sure you link it properly and explain his roles in both Procedure and Shadow of Malevolence.
 * 26) **Adressed.
 * 27) ***Nevermind, I did it myself. Source "Broadside was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker, who voices all of the clone troopers in The Clone Wars television series." to the episode guide.
 * 28) ****Fixed.
 * 29) *More to come Lee. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) You need to merge the first two sentences to make them flow better. More coming, perhaps.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:14, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed.
 * 3) Your sources section is completely empty. Please, address this before you nominate an article.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:38, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Fixed.
 * 5) Fett's second look
 * 6) * "Skywalker ordered Broadside to "form up", as he was "drifting" out of formation. Broadside replied that it was due to the fact that the "bird needed a bit more work", at which Skywalker responded by saying that when he was done tuning them, the Separatist would not know what hit them." This sentence is quite confusing. For the "bird needed", does that mean his Y-wing? Context is needed then. I wouldn't say "Separatists" as a whole. Either "Grievous" or the "battle droids controlling the Malevolence ' s turbolasers" would work here.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) ***What is the "bird needs work"? Context needed
 * 9) ****Fixed.
 * 10) * "But due to the dense defense fire Tano convinced Skywalker to aboard the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons." What dense defense fire? This sentence is more aimed at the viewers poi. Yes, there was a lot of fire which convinced her to tell Skywalker that they need a new plan. Rewrite this sentence, however, try not to make it Ahsoka's poi, since the main focus is Broadside. Mention that she advised Skywalker that they need a new plan; but straight to-the-point.
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Need quote from bio. The one from Procedure should do.
 * 3) **Added.
 * 4) ***You're quoted it wrong, please re-check.
 * 5) ****Bad mistake. Corrected
 * 6) * Context on Fett clones.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) * Context on Twilight.
 * 9) **Can't see it.
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) ***Fixed
 * 12) * "Encountering resistance..." - what sort of resistance? You make it sound like they were under fire.
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) ***I meant that the term "resistance" is wrong here. "Protest" maybe.
 * 15) * It was Matchstick who talked to the clone trooper, not Broadsise.
 * 16) *Fixed.
 * 17) * "...clearance required to enter the hangar. Broadside and the rest of Shadow Squadron departed the facility..." - one sentence they enter the hangar, the next one they depart from the facility. Clarify.
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) * "Plo Koon asked Skywalker if Shadow Squadron was able to carry out the assigned task." - how is this relevant to Broadside?
 * 20) **Removed.
 * 21) ***Still: is that bit of conversation really relevant?
 * 22) ****Yes, I think so.
 * 23) * "Upon entering the nebula" - which nebula?
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * Context for Neebray mantas.
 * 26) **Adressed.
 * 27) ***Can't see it.
 * 28) ****Adressed.
 * 29) * You say that the Malevolence fired it's ion cannon at the squadron after the mention of Matchstick's death, though the events are related.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Check if he has a TCSWE entry. Also check the Clone Wars Visual Guide.
 * 32) **Checked.
 * 33) * The whole article reads too much like a straight line of sentences, many of which begin with no apparent connection with the previous ones. Use words like "Later", "Soon", "Shortly after" more often.
 * 34) **Fixed.
 * 35) ***Only see a couple of instances. You need to check the flow of the prose for the entire article, because I will be coming after it anyway.
 * 36) ****Fixed.
 * 37) * Serious underlinking. You need to link to articles like Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, Starfighter combat, death and many others.
 * 38) **Fixed.
 * 39) ***No. Not by a long shot. You don't link to Kaliida Nebula, Battle of Ryndellia, Bantha formation etc. Check the entire article and link as many subjects as you can, especially relevant ones.
 * 40) ****Fixed.
 * 41) *Definitely more to come.  Mauser  Comlink 11:00, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Mauser redux:
 * 43) * No source says he was born in 32 BBY.
 * 44) **Removed.
 * 45) * Context for Grievous. Both intro and the body.
 * 46) **Fixed.
 * 47) * Intro: what med center?
 * 48) **Fixed.
 * 49) * Context for Bormus Testing Facility. Both intro and the body.
 * 50) **Fixed.
 * 51) * You need to source 22 BBY with the Clone Wars novel.
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) * Why was Skywalker hunting Malevolence? Also, context for the ship.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) * What was the Gran worker protesting against?
 * 56) **Fixed.
 * 57) * "Skywalker ordered Broadside to "form up" with his bomber..." - form now on and the to the end of the paragraph you're basically repeating the dialogue. Find a way to present it in a form more accessible to readers.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) ***Cut unnecessay info myself.
 * 60) * Context for Resolute? Yularen? Plo Koon?
 * 61) **Fixed.
 * 62) * Intelligence didn't report about the battle of Ryndellia, Yularen did!
 * 63) **Fixed.
 * 64) * "Because Ryndellia was near the Mid Rim planet of Naboo, Skywalker concluded that Grievous next attack aim was the Kaliida Shoals Medical Center" - can't make any sense out of it.
 * 65) **Background info.
 * 66) ***I mean how did he conclued the fact. Check the episode, there's a bit more info there.
 * 67) ****Fixed.
 * 68) * Okay, Skywalker concluded Grievous' next target. The next thing you know, they are already departing from Resolute. You're missing the connection between events.
 * 69) **Fixed.
 * 70) * "Shadow Squadron, along with Plo Koon" - uhm? At least mention that he was in his Delta-7B.
 * 71) **Fixed.
 * 72) * What's the conenction between the Balmorra Run and the Kaliida Nebula?
 * 73) **Fixed.
 * 74) * Context for Kaliida Nebula.
 * 75) **Fixed.
 * 76) * "During this..." - during this what?
 * 77) **Fixed.
 * 78) * "Matchstick's fighter was damaged..." - I though they were bombers.
 * 79) **Fixed.
 * 80) * "By this time, the medical center..." versus "Shortly after arriving at the Medical Center..." - so, is it capitalized or not?
 * 81) **Fixed.
 * 82) ***Still remains as it was.
 * 83) ****I don't really understand this objection.
 * 84) *****One sentence the words "Medical Center" are capitalized, the next one - they aren't. Choose one standard way.
 * 85) ******Fixed.
 * 86) *<S>Generally: you need a better description of the battle.
 * 87) **Adressed.
 * 88) ***Still need to expand. Refer to the episode itself or to Battle of Kaliida Nebula if needed.
 * 89) ****Expanded.
 * 90) * "Soon the battle droids, stationed in the Malevolence, fired..." - they fired themselves, Grievous didn't order them?
 * 91) **Fixed.
 * 92) * "the warship's starboard ion cannon" - okay, now we learn that that the warship had an ion cannon. You should give a better description of the Malevolence much earlier on.
 * 93) **Fixed.
 * 94) * You don't even mention that the ion cannon formed a ray and that the squadron tried to evade it.
 * 95) **Fixed.
 * 96) * "In battle, Matchstick's Y-wing engines failed" - it wasn't in battle, it was when they were evading the ray.
 * 97) **Fixed.
 * 98) * "Even after this, Shadow Squadron continued their" - makes little sense, you didn't mention earlier that a full squadron was required for the mission.
 * 99) **Fixed.
 * 100) * "Malevolence droid gunner's fire" - it was just one droid gunner then, right?
 * 101) **Fixed.
 * 102) * "abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons" - and what would they accomplish by that?
 * 103) **Fixed.
 * 104) * By the way, you do not say that the whole objective of the attack was to kill Grievous on the bridge.
 * 105) **Fixed.
 * 106) * "Shadow Squadron managed to destroy the cannons, using their Y-wing's proton torpedoes." - no, they damaged it and it blown up when fired.
 * 107) **Fixed.
 * 108) * "After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter" - saving from what? You don't even say the station was under attack.
 * 109) **Fixed.
 * 110) *Maybe you should say that the attack on the Malevolence continued, after all?
 * 111) **Fixed.
 * 112) ***Can't see it.
 * 113) ****Added.
 * 114) *****No, it is not.
 * 115) ******Finnaly added.
 * 116) *******Where? I still can't see it!
 * 117) ********In the miidle of the Battle section Shadow Squadron continued their assault.
 * 118) * "answering on the question of destroying the Malevolence with yes." - very sloppy, reword.
 * 119) **Fixed.
 * 120) *"He was also would face superior officers when his commanders ordered him." - what makes you think that trooper was superior to him?
 * 121) **It was a commander. He had yellow markings.
 * 122) ***Not all commanders have yellow markings. Not all clones with yellow markings are commanders.
 * 123) *<S>P&T requires general expansion.
 * 124) **No more info.
 * 125) ***Yes, there is, you just need to come up with better wording for it.
 * 126) ****Well, it still works not good.
 * 127) * Expand BTS with information about the webcomic.
 * 128) **Which exact ?
 * 129) ***Who worked on it? Who illustrated Broadside? When was it published and where? All general info.
 * 130) ****Added.
 * 131) * More links! The Clone Wars: Procedure and The Clone Wars (web comics) should be linked in the BTS, the body also still requires more links.
 * 132) **Adressed.
 * 133) ***No more links except for those two examples. You need consictent linking, please double-check the entire article.
 * 134) ****Fixed.
 * 135) * Mauser  Comlink 09:51, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) **Should have catched them all. Thanks for the review Mauser. --Clone Commander Lee 11:55, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 137) Mauser strikes back.
 * 138) *" answering the question of destroying the Malevolence" - what's that supposed to mean?
 * 139) **Fixed.
 * 140) * Both the intro and the bio should say that Broadside was a nickname.
 * 141) **Fixed.
 * 142) * Context for Kaliida Shoals Medical Center in the intro.
 * 143) **Fixed.
 * 144) * "Even after this, Shadow Squadron continued the assault on the the command bridge of the warship. But due to the dense defense from the Malevolence's laser turrets, Tano advised Skywalker to abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons instead in order to save the med center which was still under attack." - split the sentence.
 * 145) **Fixed.
 * 146) * Serious grammar and spelling issues. You need someone to give you a full copy-edit.
 * 147) **I'll ask someone.
 * 148) ***If I may butt in, Lee you should ask a AC member for a review sometime. Seeing that you have a couple of other noms, you should take care of this.  JangFett  Talk 19:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 149) Fett III
 * 150) *Add sections to the bio.
 * 151) **How can i do this ?
 * 152) ***Like this: ===Section=== Make sure you separate them evenly and give a specific name that is related to the proceeding paragraphs within the section. Such as Battle of Kaliida Nebula, ect.
 * 153) ****Added.
 * 154) * "...which was situated in the run" Context on "run", do you mean Balmorra Run?
 * 155) **Fixed.
 * 156) * I'm seeing a repetition of "medcenter". Try and vary your use of "medcenter".
 * 157) **Adressed.
 * 158) * "During the run, Matchstick's bomber was damaged by one of the mantas." How is this relevant to Broadside?
 * 159) **See above.
 * 160) * "Also, as the Squadron was evading the ray, Matchstick's Y-wing's engines failed and caused his fighter to collide with fellow pilot Tag's fighter, killing both pilots and their gunners." Again, this is not relevant to Broadside, but you can mention this but remove unnecessary details and mention his fighter was destroyed, but straight to-the-point.
 * 161) **See above.
 * 162) * A lot of details from the battle are irrelevant to Broadside. Try and remove minor details that aren't related to him.
 * 163) **See above
 * 164) *Lee, you're missing a sources section. Check the online guide, TCG Clone Wars cards, visual guides.
 * 165) **Sourced
 * 166) ***Lee, did you check the visual guide and Star Wars PocketModel TCG: Clone Wars? Their is a template for the TCG Clone Wars if Broadside has a card.
 * 167) ****He has no card.
 * 168) *****Then why would you put the TCG link in the sources section? Make sure you check before you add sources Lee. Did you check the visual guide?
 * 169) ******Checked and removed.
 * 170) * JangFett  Talk 19:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 171) **Checked.
 * 172) **Well Jang, Mauser advised me to expand the battle. So I did it. If you want to clear this, contact him. --Clone Commander Lee 10:49, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 173) ***I respect Mauser, but adding a lot of unnecessary details to the battle will get to play by play and would be centered around the fighters' poi instead of Broadside. I suggest that you remove any irrelevant details from the battle that aren't related to Broadside. For now, I'll strike my objections out. JangFett  Talk 15:42, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 174) Here we go again:
 * 175) * Context for Malevolence in the intro.
 * 176) **Added.
 * 177) * Intro: mention that Grievous was a Supreme Commander of the Droid Armies.
 * 178) **Adressed.
 * 179) * Intro: "one of the most important" - POV?
 * 180) **Fixed.
 * 181) * "Skywalker then led the squadron into the space station to recuperate" - recuperate? They weren't sick as far as I know.
 * 182) **Fixed.
 * 183) * "Grievous ordered to fire the Malevolence's turbolasers at the departing frigates" - what frigates?
 * 184) **Fixed.
 * 185) * "After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter," - I thought half of them were evacuated?
 * 186) **Fixed.
 * 187) * Once again: the P&T needs expansion.
 * 188) **Expanded.
 * 189) *" the online comic to Shadow of Malevolence" - what's that supposed to mean?
 * 190) **Fixed.
 * 191) * Any info concerning him in the Visual Guide?
 * 192) **Not more as alredy in the article.
 * 193) * Mauser  Comlink 17:50, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 194) **Got them.Thanks for the third? review Mauser. --Clone Commander Lee 18:10, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 195) ***Axtually, it was the fourth one by my count. Be aware, there's still a couple of objections left from the second one.  Mauser  Comlink 18:31, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 196) Attack of the Clone
 * 197) *Before I start my copyedit, there is way too much subsectioning in the article and not a good balance between paragraphs. Please standardize your paragraph length and balance out the images a lot better.  CC7567  (talk) 18:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 198) **Fixed.
 * 199) ***Lee, "standardizing paragraph length" means making all the paragraphs more or less the same size, not mashing them all together as you did. It currently looks like an unappealing wall of text.  CC7567  (talk) 21:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 200) ****Now better ? --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 201) Fett IV
 * 202) *"After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter, Skywalker and the squadron landed inside the medical center for regroup" Are you sure they saved all clones?
 * 203) **Why not ?
 * 204) ***If it is a speculation, make sure you source it, otherwise remove.
 * 205) ****Adressed.
 * 206) *****Double check. You can read other articles such as Nala Se or the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula if you still having issues with rewording this.
 * 207) ******Checked.
 * 208) * The article is too subsectioned. Consider merging two of the sections.
 * 209) **Merged
 * 210) ***"Early Life" is too small to have its own section.
 * 211) ****Merged.
 * 212) * "Tano advised Skywalker to abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons instead" No she did not. Ahsoka wanted Skywalker to reconsider his plan, and Plo advised that they should take out their ion cannon.
 * 213) **Fixed.
 * 214) ***Still remains
 * 215) ****Fixed.
 * 216) * "The ion cannons namely were about to destroy the Med Center which was still under attack." The ion cannon doesn't destroy targets, it eradicates their electrical energy.
 * 217) **Fixed.
 * 218) ***Still remains
 * 219) ****Fixed.
 * 220) * "Shadow Squadron managed to damage the cannons, using their Y-wing's proton torpedoes, and the cannons exploded when fired." ...What about the hyperdrive? When Shadow Squadron bombed the side of the ion cannon, it did not explode then. Grievous ordered the ion cannon to be fired, though due to the amount of damage, it overloaded and exploded. That caused the hyperdrive to fail as well.
 * 221) **Fixed.
 * 222) ***Still remains
 * 223) ****Fixed.
 * 224) * JangFett  Talk 18:24, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 225) **Got them. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 18:39, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 226) More for now
 * 227) *"After the briefing, Jedi Master Plo Koon, who had discovered the Malevolence, asked Skywalker if Shadow Squadron was able to carry out the assigned task." How did Plo discover the Malevolence?
 * 228) **Fixed.
 * 229) *" During the run, Matchstick's bomber was damaged by one of the mantas." How is this relevant to Broadside?
 * 230) **Background info.
 * 231) *"Shadow Squadron arrived at the medcenter shortly before the Malevolence came out of hyperspace and approached the station" This needs clarifying. Who approached the station?
 * 232) **Adressed.
 * 233) *"Shortly after arriving at the Medical Center, Grievous ordered to fire the Malevolence ' s turbolasers at the departing frigates, that were evacuating clones." Grievous ordered whom? "ordered" here will not work, unless you state who he ordered.
 * 234) **Adressed.
 * 235) *"The ion ray approached Skywalker's fighter and he" This is more toward Skywalker's poi. Reword to make it a general poi.
 * 236) **Fixed.
 * 237) *" The ion cannons namely were about to eradicate the energy of the Med Center, which was still under attack" Sort of confusing to what was under attack. The ion cannon or the medcenter. Clarify.
 * 238) **Fixed.
 * 239) * JangFett  Talk 23:59, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 240) **Got them all and the from your previous previews. Thanks. --Clone Commander Lee 11:22, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Hawk (clone)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 08:16, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Looks like it's clone day for me.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Gethralkin 04:34, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work CC.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:18, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:44, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * I am unsure about how you deducted Hawk's death at Teth. The scene was cut from the movie, so that variation remains only a deleted scene. The canonical variation appears in the novel, which does not say that Hawk was the pilot of the gunship, and it previously mentioned him a lot. The episode guide doesn't say that Hawk was the pilot of the gunship in the novel, it only says that Hawk was supposed to be the pilot from the film in a scene that was cut. It even says that the removing of the scene "may have ended up saving Hawk's life". All that, especially the note from the Episode Guide led me to believe that the pilot of the shot gunship in the novel was a pilot other than Hawk. Please double-check.
 * 3) **It sounds like you're basing your statement off of the "likelihood" that Hawk would have been identified in the novel as the pilot of the destroyed gunship. Just because he was mentioned extensively in the past and wasn't identified as the pilot of the destroyed gunship later does not mean that he wasn't the pilot. There is absolutely no reason that the film's "variation" is not canonical; it corresponds completely to the novel's version, and I can't note any major differences except for those in dialogue. Furthermore, from the episode guide: "Clone pilot Hawk was originally in the Clone Wars movie, called by Anakin for an extraction from the B'omarr monastery on Teth. That sequence was cut from the movie -- which may have ended up saving Hawk's life, because as it originally played out, that rescue gunship would have been shot down by a vulture droid." This is clearly referring to the scene of the Vulture droid shooting down the gunship, and it even says he was "called for an extraction" from the monastery, which is what the novel supplied. You're right that the episode guide does not confirm Hawk as the pilot of the gunship in the novel, but it indirectly does because the deleted scene corresponds to the one in the novel, which is how I drew my conclusion.  CC7567  (talk) 20:21, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***It was the note "may have ended up saving Hawk's life" that confused me most. But I accept your explanation unless some new info comes up. Will give a full review later.  Mauser  Comlink 20:27, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****That did catch me too, but I'm assuming that the episode guide is just joking or misinformed; the lack of a reference to the novelization supports the latter.  CC7567  (talk) 20:31, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****That's still speculation though. Cut content is cut content and is non-canon. Even though the deleted scene may be mostly the same as the one that made the novelization, extrapolating details from the cut scene borders on OR. — Milo Fett [Comlink] 23:13, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******I understand your reasoning, but the two scenes are identical, and it's common sense to draw the conclusion if they're like this. This is speculation, yes, but it's still referencing based on fact.  CC7567  (talk) 00:58, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Based on deleted fact. Unless there's an official source that confirms that the scene in the novelization and the deleted scene are both canon, we can't just assume. I think it's likely that he died as well, but there's just not enough canonical information to make an assumption without OR. Other deleted scenes have been re-integrated into canon in slightly different ways (e.g., Tosche Station scene) so this could just as easily be one of them. — Milo Fett [Comlink] 02:02, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ********I'm still finding that there are enough similarities between the two scenes to draw the conclusion, and until different reasoning is provided, this is the way it's staying.  CC7567  (talk) 06:39, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ********* I made changes before I noticed it was nominated, but I see that the issue I was trying to address is the being discussed here. I corrected this problem some time ago based on the following precedents: Shaak Ti and Dash Rendar. Both characters had death scenes that were reverted to keep their characters for future use in the Expanded Universe. Shaak Ti was killed by Grievous in a cutscene from Episode III, and Dash Rendar was killed in a collision during the explosion of the Falleen's Fist in the novelization. Gethralkin 22:56, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **********Gethralkin, this has already been settled, and it's already been changed in the article. I don't see what the point of continuing the discussion is.  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***********Having a slow computer day today. The changes weren't showing up on my end. Gethralkin 23:04, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) IFYLOFD:
 * 14) * "Lieutenant Hawk later served in the Battle of Teth, ferrying Skywalker, his Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, Clone Captain CC-7567, and a squad of troops to the surface of Teth. " Reword, since it sounds like Skywalker's Padawan and Ahsoka and separate entities.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) *In the intro: Context for Rotta the Huttlet and for why Anakin and Ahsoka were looking for him in the first place.
 * 17) **The context is "Huttlet", and I don't see why more context would be relevant or necessary to the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 21:35, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***No, it is not. That's only stating Rotta's species. And context is relevant as to tell why they were there in the first place.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:41, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Nice work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:31, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) Mauser redux:
 * 21) * Born on Kamino. Clone of Jango. Trained to be a pilot. - add that to the bio.
 * 22) **Addressed.
 * 23) * "CC-7567 and a squad of troops": not just squad - the Torrent Company. Both in intro and the bio.
 * 24) **I'm only adding "from Torrent Company". I'm rather doubtful that the whole company could fit in one cramped gunship.
 * 25) ***You have a point there.
 * 26) * No links in quotes are allowed, right?
 * 27) **Except when they're not linked elsewhere, and this is the case here.
 * 28) * Maybe Armor and Appearance could be merged into P&T?
 * 29) **I know both are rather scanty, but I don't believe that's a good enough reason for a merge. Both supply an accurate amount of info.
 * 30) * The Pocketmodels card of Hawk for some strange reason shows him in regular Phase I clone trooper armor instead of the pilot gear. Good BTS material.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) *Now, I really hate to say this, but: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (junior novelization), Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Battle at Teth Star Wars: The Clone Wars Official Movie Storybook and The Clone Wars: Decide Your Destiny: Tethan Battle Adventure all have to be checked for any appearances or indirect mentions of Hawk. I know this will take a while and I'm sorry, but that's what a movie nom means - even if it's the TCW movie.
 * 33) **I'm quite sure I've checked all except the Storybook and Tethan Battle Adventure; I'll get after them as soon as I can get to Borders this week.  CC7567  (talk) 23:46, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Unfortunately, it appears these two titles are currently only available in the UK, whereas I'm in the US. I'll get back to you on this as soon as I can find someone who has access to them.  CC7567  (talk) 16:58, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Mauser  Comlink 11:52, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) Gethralkin:
 * 37) * The term "EVAC" in the quote from the Hidden Enemy episode is an acronym for EV(acuation) AC(tion) and, therefore, should be spelled in uppercase letters: Hawk, we need an EVAC on the South tower.
 * 38) **The episode guide states it's lowercase, and you're going to need to provide an accurate source to override that.
 * 39) ***Good enough for me...unless the subtitles for the episode shows something different, I'm good.
 * 40) * Word repetition: "...kept Skywalker updated with comprehensive updates ..." Can a better phrasing be found? How about: "... apprised with comprehensive updates"
 * 41) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 23:52, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * More repetition: "...was an excellent pilot ,...using him as an exemplary pilot ..." Perhaps: "...excellent pilot ,...using his exemplary skills ..."
 * 43) ** That incorrectly changes the meaning of the sentence, and I don't see a suitable substitute.  CC7567  (talk) 00:31, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *** I was taking into consideration that they were talking about planning, which the skills of piloting would be used and not the actual piloting at the time of planning, as the sentence suggests. Gethralkin 01:10, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ****The way it is now means that he was being "used as an example of comparison". I understand your want for word variation, but I don't feel changing the meaning of the sentence will be helpful.  CC7567  (talk) 01:29, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***** I didn't understand it the way you describe it here. Perhaps this would clarify the meaning: "Hawk was an excellent pilot, and both Skywalker and Rex noted his abilities, using him as an archtype during planning an escape from the Teth monastery." Alternatives can be, standard, precedent. Gethralkin 01:47, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ******I'm just going to remove it already.
 * 48) *******Fine, but I liked where you were headed with the thought, and I think "archtype" would have been a good word to use, but that's just me.
 * 49) * There seem to be an excess of links that are repeated in several places, where only the first instance of the link would suffice.
 * 50) ** Once in the intro, once in the bio. That's how it is, and it was decided at the September 8, 2008 Mofference.
 * 51) *** I was speaking more in reference to the main body. For example, "The clone trooper nicknamed Hawk was born on the planet of Kamino to serve in the Grand Army of the Republic.[1] Trained as a clone pilot, he was also a lieutenant in the Republic army and was well-noted for his piloting abilities. In 22 BBY,[2] Hawk was dispatched with a contingent of clone troopers to liberate the planet of Christophsis from the Confederacy of Independent Systems." (Can we have a little less blue, please?)
 * 52) ****The redundant linking is gone.  CC7567  (talk) 03:50, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * Much of the biography is in the introduction. His missions can be relegated to the biography to keep the article simple and less redundant.
 * 54) **Really, now? That's the precedent for all articles. Since there's so little information, all of it goes in the intro. I see no reason to change it.
 * 55) * Including information from different character viewpoints is shifting the focus of the article away from Hawk: For example: "Although they sustained heavy casualties, Skywalker and Tano were able to rescue Rotta and return the Huttlet to his father." It would be more concise and to the point to state that Hawk was involved in the mission to help recover Rotta and that the outcome was a success. Any hardships concerning the mission would be more relevant if posed from his point of view.
 * 56) **Yes, it's not entirely relevant, but there's no reason to leave the reader hanging.  CC7567  (talk) 01:59, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *** The irrelevant side-notes would do better in the main body than in the intro, which should be more to the point. Leaving the missions he was on is okay, but details are main body material. Gethralkin 04:22, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) ****Fine, addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 04:24, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * A callsign is not a nickname.
 * 60) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 03:50, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Don't worry, I made sure to confirm that it was under 1,000 words after I nominated it for FAN. 9_9  CC7567  (talk) 08:16, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Queel
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:46, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: More TCW

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 16:09, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:11, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:56, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 23:22, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:57, 22 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 09:21, 22 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 14:24, 22 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Missing Aftermath section.
 * 3) **It is not really stated what happened on Queel after Skywalker and Tano left. After that point, the only mention of the battle comes at the very end of the comic. Skywalker and Tano contact Kenobi, who says the phrase used as the main quote in the article. However, Kenobi's words do not explain if he won, lost or was still fighting when Skywalker contacted him, so there can't be any aftermath section. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Mention in the intro that Anakin and Obi-Wan were Jedi.
 * 2) **Mentioned.
 * 3) * Is CC-7567's nickname really necessary?
 * 4) **I think so. IMO, it is unnecessary to state CC-2224's nickname, because he is mentioned only once. CC-7567, however, is mentioned several times in the article and I find it easier to call him Rex.
 * 5) * "Tano then hurtled one of the artillery shells at the remaining guns," I don't think hurtled is the appropriate word here. I would think just putting "Force pushed" would be better, but do as you see fit.
 * 6) **Addressed, I guess
 * 7) * Is there an article for the Separatist agent who stole the data file? If so link to it, and if not create one.
 * 8) **Linked.
 * 9) *Nice work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:39, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Thanks. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * ?It's Acclamator, not Venator in the comic. =)
 * 3) **Whatever :P
 * 4) * Casualties: both light and heavy will not do. GAR lost at least one ISP with clones aboard, the CIS lost the artillery cannon and at least one DSD.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * At least one more image is needed.
 * 7) **Added.
 * 8) * Add youmay to the Battle of Quell - i'm too lazy to do it myself today.
 * 9) **Added. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * No mention of that green water creature - whatever it's name is.
 * 2) **Mentioned. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Otherwise looks very solid.  Mauser  Comlink 12:01, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Tactical droid 1 (Christophsis)

 * Nominated by: --Kreivi Wolter 19:58, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Have this article to GA as soon as possible. I will need time to execute the next part of my master's plan.

(0 ACs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support Object > JangFett  Talk 22:45, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 08:04, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:13, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:20, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  JangFett  Talk 03:35, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Badly needs a copyedit for grammar and spelling. I've fixed a lot of it, but you should go over it for good measure.
 * 3) **There's the problem, I'm not a native speaker of English, and I'm not able to speak/write with that perfectly.--Kreivi Wolter 23:55, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ah, I see.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * Mention that he served in the Retail Caucus, since that's mentioned in the infobox but not anywhere in the article itself.
 * 6) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 23:55, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * " He had leaked the information about the planned ambush to the Separatist's commander and Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress, who then gave the message to General Whorm Loathsom, who proceeded it to the tactical droid." I don't think "proceeded" is the appropriate word here.
 * 8) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 23:55, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "The Jedi Master and his clones were pinned down, but Skywalker, who was in north tower, signaled a gunship for an evacuation, and then led his clone troopers to help Kenobi along the cables." Doesn't flow well, and what cables? Give context.
 * 10) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 10:55, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "The Republic forces were able to retreat, and took an elevator to the roof, where the gunship was landing. " What gunship? Clarify.
 * 12) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 10:55, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "While they were attacked by a squad of battle droids, the tactical droid, who had left his tank, led a second squad of battle droids to attack, in order to prevent the retreat of the Republic troops." Doesn't flow well.
 * 14) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 10:55, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * I don't think CC-7567's and CC-2224's nicknames is really necessary.
 * 16) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 23:55, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "The head then scorched, and disabled permanently, defacing any changes of further analyses." I can't really make sense of "The head then scorched", and I don't believe defacing is the appropriate word.
 * 18) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 10:55, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Also, how did it disable? Was it damaged previously?
 * 20) ** Gee, I dont really know how to put that... Uuuh, would it be good if I tell that it just deactivated?--Kreivi Wolter 00:43, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***I guess.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Later on in the Republic command center, the tactical droid's head was put to a robolobotomy, but it only confirmed that the Separatists had gained information about the positions of Republic ambush squad." Then how could they have found out there was a spy? Clarify.
 * 23) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 10:55, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "After a duel with Asajj Ventress, Skywalker and Kenobi discovered the full strength of the Separatists forces, as they had planned a full-scale invasion and conquest of the planet, and the tactical droid was replaced by another." Skywalker and Kenobi dueling Ventress and the tactical droid being replaced don't flow well together.
 * 25) **Roger roger
 * 26) * "He used his E-5 blaster rifle with comparable skill in battle, and managed to shoot at least one clone trooper during the firefight." I don't think "comparable" is the appropriate word here.
 * 27) **Roger roger.
 * 28) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:10, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Fett
 * 30) * "They then asked the Jedi High Council for assistance" Whose they? The Confederacy asked the Jedi for assiastance? Also fragment.
 * 31) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 23:55, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Could be somewhat better if "the Christophsians" is added as context for "&hellip;which inhabitants vainly tried to withstand the droid forces", but I'll leave that up to you :)
 * 33) ****Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 10:55, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "After landing, the Jedi planned to ambush the tactical droid's forces, while they were marching into Crystal City." This sentence doesn't flow right. I don't recall them marching into Crystal City.
 * 35) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 23:55, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ***Quite confusing still. "After landing, the Jedi planned to ambush the tactical droid's forces, which were going to march under the towers" The Jedi planned to ambush the tactical droid's forces, which were going to march under the towers? Rephrase.
 * 37) ****Uuuh, I dont know where they were heading. Do you?--Kreivi Wolter 00:53, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *****Replace the entire sentence with "After landing, the Jedi began an ambush on the towers", or something like that.
 * 39) ******Is it good now?--Kreivi Wolter 10:55, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *******Much better :)
 * 41) *More to come <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * "Galactic Republic sent a GAR detachment, led by Jedi Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker" - sent where and why?
 * 3) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Tactical droid is not the product line, something like IG-series or YT-series is. Thus, I removed that from the infobox.
 * 5) **Roger roger. Thx.--Kreivi Wolter 14:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * The biography quote's link leads to the same audiofile as the main quote.
 * 7) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *** If you use audio files for some quotes, you should do the same for the other two. Either remove the audios for the first two quotes, or ask JMAS for the missing one. Never mid, I've been told that it's not a valid onjection.
 * 9) ****Well, I have already asked JMAS to load it.--Kreivi Wolter 21:50, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Well, problem fixed by JMAS.--Kreivi Wolter 13:11, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "The Galactic Republic dispatched clone troopers..." - not just clone troopers, but 501st Legion and the Ghost Company.
 * 12) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * There should be no revelations in battle articles. You should mention Slick's betrayal and the data's leaking before you say that the Jedi set up an ambush in the towers.
 * 14) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 21:50, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Split the biography section. The whole last paragraph is completely post-mortern for the droid and should be tagged as such.
 * 16) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Rename it. Aftermath is for the events, Legacy is for Individuals (even droids).
 * 18) ****Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 19:43, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Actually, the last paragraph contains too much info irrelevant for the droid. Ventress' mission to capture Rotta shouldn't be mentioned at all, for example.
 * 20) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 19:43, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Check the video podcast for the Innocents of Ryloth for more info and better sourcing of the tactical droids' charactersitics and traits.
 * 22) **Could you please give me a direct link?--Kreivi Wolter 20:17, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***There.
 * 24) ****Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 23:31, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * At least something else for the BTS?
 * 26) **Uuuh, the BTS? What's that?--Kreivi Wolter 14:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Behind the Scenes. It requires minor expansion.
 * 28) ****Like what? What do you suggest?--Kreivi Wolter 23:31, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *Roger roger.  Mauser  Comlink 13:07, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Fett will look once more
 * 31) * In the Legacy section, after the robolobotomy information, is the rest relevant to the tactical droid?
 * 32) **Probably not. I shortened it.--Kreivi Wolter 00:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * P&T-"Like all tactical droids, this droid was far more intelligent than standard battle droids, and was able to think independently." What standard battle droids?
 * 34) **Roger roger--Kreivi Wolter 00:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Like Mauser said, I believe you can expand the BtS and merge the "TACTICAL" sentence with the preceding paragraph.
 * 36) **I'll ask once more: how? You have any ideas? 'Cause I don't have.--Kreivi Wolter 00:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **I merged it to one paragraph.--Kreivi Wolter 10:34, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ***Looks good
 * 39) * JangFett  Talk 23:59, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Possibly just one of many:
 * 41) * "Thats just doesn't make sense. Blast!" Probably supposed to be "that?" I'd fix it myself, but I'm not quite sure that's what it is.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:02, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) **Uuuuh, now that u mentioned, neither I am.--Kreivi Wolter 00:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Well, problem fixed by JMAS.--Kreivi Wolter 13:11, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) Attack of the Clone
 * 45) *Please rename "Downfall and legacy". You're taking too much inspiration from character articles by saying he had a "legacy". Furthermore, please make sure the article conforms to the Manual of Style and Layout Guide before taking this any further.
 * 46) **I checked the links, and I didn't find anything which would surrogate the "Downfall and legacy". It was first Aftermath, but Mauser told that "Legacy is for Individuals (even droids)". Do you have a better idea?
 * 47) *Since you yourself were the one who originally believed this, please vary "traitor". It's POV-oriented.
 * 48) **According to you, it wasn't last time when we debated about that, and the article is still containing the word. Well, adressed anyway.--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *The episode did not give the slightest indication of a date. The "22 BBY" needs to be sourced to the TCW novel.
 * 50) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) *Are you absolutely sure that he was affiliated with the Retail Caucus? Yes, the Campaign Guide said as much, but you're still assuming that he was assigned to "help the Retail Caucus". Tactical droids weren't even mentioned anywhere in the Campaign Guide.
 * 52) **Maybe he wasn't a member of Retail Caucus, but he wass still allied with their droid forces.--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *In the first paragraph of the Bio, there is too much irrelevant detail. All you need to say of the first campaigns of the battle was that the Confederacy invaded Christophsis and that Skywalker and Kenobi arrived on behalf of the Republic to liberate it. The details of the preliminaries and Slick's views are unnecessary.
 * 54) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) *You're missing a lot of definite articles, i.e. "the", "an", "a". I'd prefer if you improved your English this way.
 * 56) *Source for the involvement of 501st Legion and Ghost Company in the battle? Nowhere are they mentioned in the episode or its guide.
 * 57) **Well, it was user Mauser who told about them. I dont know about the source, though...--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *There is an unnecessary sense of chronology throughout the article with excessive uses of "then". Please remove them as much as possible.
 * 59) *Throughout the article you're putting names to the squads of battle droids, but in the episode, there isn't any indication of this. Please explain your reasoning as to how the droid led a "second squad" to the roof when you don't even name the "first".
 * 60) *"Before they could leave, however, they were followed by two squad of battle droids." With a new section and new paragraph, I have no idea who you're referring to. The droids? The Jedi? The clones? The Christophsians?
 * 61) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *Please shorten the details after the droid's robolotomy. There's still an unnecessary emphasis by the amount of detail in there.
 * 63) *Everything after "which contained such information as his enemies traits and personalities" is a simple recounting of the droid's history, and in no way does it satisfy "Characteristics". Furthermore, you're going past the lines of inferencing and into speculation by saying he didn't "appear" to treat his troops disrespectfully "unlike other tactical droids". There isn't enough information for this to qualify as fact.
 * 64) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) *The Campaign Guide and the Episode Commentary do not explicitly mention this tactical droid, and therefore need to be removed from "Sources".
 * 66) **I disagree. Episode commentary tells about the tactical droids in general, and the Gampaign Guide reveals that they were the battle droids of Retail Caucus. Well, maybe the latter is a matter of debate...--Kreivi Wolter 14:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) *Overall, there's a great deal of detail that's irrelevant and unnecessary to an article about the droid itself. Please go through the article again and either shorten or remove details that qualify. Furthermore, I am not your "master", however much you go and kid yourself that I am.  CC7567  (talk) 21:59, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 22:47, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Also, do not source the intro. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 23:55, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kashyyyk (New Sith Wars)

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first ever battle article. Let 'er rip.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:14, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice job. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:31, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:39, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Mauser  Comlink 16:55, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "In the end it took almost two thousand Sith units, but Kashyyyk finally fell. The Sith had won." Is the number of Sith really necessary to mention here? Also, the wording is rather un-encyclopedic.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:09, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Reworded, but I believe the number of Sith is necessary because it shows how hard winning the battle was.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:38, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Mauser:
 * 4) * If commander are unknown, you shouldn't fill that field at all.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Otherwise very good.  Mauser  Comlink 10:01, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:55, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Attack of the Clone
 * 9) *If there's enough info, can the Republic's Kashyyyk stronghold get linked and (per the new Rule 8) get a stub?
 * 10) *"However, the planet was a Republic stronghold, which they weren't willing to give up, no matter how badly outnumbered." The "weren't" isn't agreeing to "Republic" in its plurality, and it's a little unspecific. Could you try rewording the sentence?
 * 11) *Can you clarify the irregularity between the Bts and the Appearances templates? The Appearances and Sources say that it first "appeared" in Path of Destruction, while the Bts states that it was only "mentioned" in both.  CC7567  (talk) 04:06, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Gor

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 08:46, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First pet nom ever?

(1 ACs/5 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 18:27, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Kreivi Wolter 19:22, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) This thing is called like John Norman's works. Thanks for not mentioning it. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:31, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:14, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:06, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:09, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) About Grievous
 * 2) * Grievous wasn't Supreme Commander, he was a Supreme Commander of the Droid Armies. There is a difference!
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Grievous's and Gor's relation should be mentioned in Characteristics.
 * 5) **Now that it's biology and appearance, that information wouldn't really belong. Information that is largely difficult to write about in the first place, as it's never really concretely spoken of. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 18:00, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *--Kreivi Wolter 10:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Mauser:
 * 8) * I believe you've checked both the Visual Guide and Grievous Attacks for any unique info?
 * 9) **Yup. He's kind of a straight-forward guy.
 * 10) * IMO, Characteristics should really be Biology and Appearance.
 * 11) **Good call.
 * 12) *Not sure what esle to add.  Mauser  Comlink 13:26, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 18:00, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) IFYLOFD:
 * 15) * Quote for biology and appearance?
 * 16) **Will that work? Haha, there's not many quotes for this fella.
 * 17) *And that's it. Well done.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:42, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thank you. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:15, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Just one: could you make the battle at the end a little less play-by-play?  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:32, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *I would, but I've already had to cut down some of the pbp. The character's whole life story is based off of that single fight, so that makes it difficult not to be rather play by play. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 20:36, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Fair enough. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:51, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) I lied: one more thing :P. I think you should add a Behavoir section, per the LG for non- and semi-sentient species articles. This could possibly be merged with bio and appearance&mdash;such as "Biology and behavior", or "Behavior and appearance" (it's a new type of nom, don't be afraid to try something different)&mdash;or, if there is enough information, just give it a separate behavior section.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:51, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Does that work? There's really not much about his behavior other than "He was aggressive" so I added Grievous's reactions to Gor's death. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 22:47, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) Attack of the Clone
 * 25) * Is it "Roggwart" or "roggwart"? Both the episode guide and The Visual Guide claim the latter, and I'm not sure what we do for species capitalization (or if we even have anything on it).  CC7567  (talk) 03:30, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **I noticed that too. As far as I've seen, all species are capitalized. I remember seeing somewhere that despite the fact that "Human" is commonly refered to with a lower case "h" in sources, Wookieepedia would capitalize the word. I'm using that same logic for now. If I'm crazy and the whole "human/Human" thing never happened, please, somebody correct me. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 04:49, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *"Confederacy of Independent Systems' cyborg Supreme Commander, General Grievous": that's a bit...excess context, wouldn't you say? Please try and shorten it.
 * 28) *Please try and condense the details in the second paragraph of the Bio; yes, some context is needed for the setup of the battle, but this is rather a lot.
 * 29) *If you're going to say that Dooku had to "reassess" Grievous's abilities, then you need to say why, but going with the previous objection, I'd recommend simply removing it.
 * 30) *Are you sure it was Gunray who went to the Vassek system and not the tracking beacon itself? I can't remember that being in the Decoded episode, which is what it's sourced to. To my knowledge, it's still unclear exactly how the beacon got to the moon.  CC7567  (talk) 04:57, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I haven't seen a GA or FA for a specific nonsentient character before, so I just did a characteristics section and put its' appearance information in there. A personality and traits section just wouldn't have applied.
 * A soundbyte of Gor's death scream might be nice. :P  CC7567  (talk) 04:57, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Hsskhor

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:43, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part of WP:NSW.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) There's a WookieeProject: New South Wales now? I'm flattered. Clean, apart from a few typos. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:30, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:15, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:40, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Mauser  Comlink 16:56, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Again, there's no need to fill the Commanders section of the infobox with "Unknown".
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *And again, it looks very clear.  Mauser  Comlink 10:11, 24 July 2009 (UTC)\
 * 5) **Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:54, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Who is Adanar? His mention is rather random. I think at least his allegiance could be added.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 02:31, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:54, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Please watch the flowery prose. Also, it's unclear what the Brotherhood is when you only say it was "over twenty thousand strong"; it sounds like you're trying to avoid putting a describing noun to it, which doesn't flow well.  CC7567  (talk) 05:06, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

The Clone Wars: Cold Snap

 * Nominated by: Goes along with my previous Shiv and Mag noms. Also goes along with my personal OOU campaign.
 * Nomination comments: Kilson Likes PIE 12:28, 23 July 09 (UTC)

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 15:36, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:47, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:29, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:06, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Get at least one more image.
 * 3) **Added two more
 * 4) *I also made spelling and linking fixes along the way.
 * 5) *You made good use of Procedure formula, did you?  Mauser  Comlink 13:20, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Hey, if it's not broke, why fix it. :P Thanks for the copyedit and the review. Kilson Likes 'PIE 15:29, 23 July 09 (UTC)
 * 7) IFYLOFD:
 * 8) * "Shiv tells Flanker that things aren't going well for him right now, because while Shiv was on the night patrol with his commander, Mag, their CK-6 swoop bikes froze up, leaving the two stranded till dawn, when Glid Station could send out a gunship to pick them up." Split this up.
 * 9) *That's it. Well done.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:30, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Addressed, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 18:10, 24 July 09 (UTC)
 * 11) Attack of the Clone
 * 12) *"Shiv tells Flanker that things aren't going well for him right now while on patrol with his [commander, Mag." The phrasing is a bit awkward here. I get that you're trying to say he's on patrol with Mag, but the chronology doesn't seem to be working. You might want to consider using the word "reveal" more to be clearer.
 * 13) *Please try to run your articles through some sort of spellcheck before nomming them next time.  CC7567  (talk) 05:23, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) "Behind the scenes" in an OOU article? That violates either the MoS/LG, if we have one for such articles, or else just FA precedent. Should be reworded to something more appropriate - "description," possibly. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:28, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Niner (clone)

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 16:57, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One of the last clones from "Lair of Grievous"

(4 ACs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:37, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:35, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Liked this one.  Mauser  Comlink 10:26, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:54, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:45, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:19, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) I don't know why I'm wasting my time with this vote, but it's a good article. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:33, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Niner's first line of the lead quote appears to be wrong. "Copy this is Rogue Base, over." It sounds like there should probably be a period or comma after the "Copy". Could you check this?
 * 3) **Yes, Niner did pause in the episode.
 * 4) * Intro: "Before the group entered a castle on the moon belonging to Confederate General Grievous in search of Gunray" The wording you have implies that the moon belonged to Grievous. I'm pretty sure it was just the castle. If this is the case, it should be reworded.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * Also, from the bio quote: "It matches the description of General Grievous' fighter, it's headed our way." The comma should probably either be a period or a semi-colon, depending on how the line was spoken. Could you check this?
 * 7) **I checked this quote as well :) Fixed
 * 8) *Nice work :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:56, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review Jonny :)

Comments

Wooley

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 17:32, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A minor clone trooper from Innocents of Ryloth

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:53, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company boarded the Crumb Bomber and other LAAT/i gunships and attempted to land in Nabat, but proton cannons attacked the Acclamator transports above, and Kenobi was tasked by Jedi Master Mace Windu with taking out the cannons to allow them to land." Run-on.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Lee, like your previous noms, please watch for underlinking and overlinking issues.
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) ***No, I still see many unlinked subjects. droid, Nabat, Innocents of Ryloth are a couple of them.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company" Context on "Ghost Squadron".
 * 9) **Fixed
 * 10) ***It was not Wooley's unit. Ghost Squadron is a unit of 212th Attack Battalion.
 * 11) ****Fixed.
 * 12) * "Ghost Company then settled up a base. Shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead. Cody and Wooley went to investigate the courtyard, and discovered that the Twi'leks were being held prisoner." Very choppy, also the first two sentences are fragments.
 * 13) **Fixed
 * 14) ***Read this Lee: "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead." Improper English. Make sure you proofread what you write, and if it helps, read it out loud. Or it could be your use of punctuation that confuses the reader. I'll correct this sentence, but in the future, you should be able to correct your usage of proper punctuation. More specially: commas, semi-colons, and &mdash (&mdash;), which is used in place of commas sometimes.
 * 15) ****Lee, please rewatch the episode and find where they "scouted ahead". "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer, and Boil to scout ahead."
 * 16) *****Fixed.
 * 17) * "After reporting their findings back to Kenobi and Windu, they moved out." Moved out where?
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) * Lee, try and use translating words such as "soon", "then", "however", "though" in your sentences. Go back and correct this issue because it is difficult to understand what's happening chronologically.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) ***Along with the proofreading, double check to make sure your sentences flow together.
 * 22) ****Checked.
 * 23) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20, the Separatists in Nabat were defeated, and after the transports landed, the army headed to the capital city of Lessu succesfully reteaking the capital and winning the battle." Improper English, also they did not win the battle. Kenobi and his men destroyed the cannons, allowing Windu and his men land and organize for their run on the capital.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) ***What is the "army of Windu"? More specifically, you should say Lightning Squadron and Windu.
 * 26) ****Fixed.
 * 27) * It is not confirmed that all clone troopers were born in 32 BBY. Their homeworld is Kamino, though unless you can prove that Wooley was born in 32 BBY, please remove it.
 * 28) **Removed.
 * 29) * Lee, I strongly recommend that you go back and proofread this article because I corrected a lot of grammatical issues, spelling, and linking issues.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Only use tags in the infobox, not in the main article.
 * 32) **Sourced.
 * 33) * JangFett  Talk 00:58, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 12:22, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***No problem Lee. Remember to proofread, and double check your work. If you have a hard time with using proper punctuation, you can always look on google for guides; also you can look at the FA tutorials here. I'll give this another review soon.  JangFett  Talk 19:25, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) From the Council Chambers:
 * 37) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20,": Slightly confusing; I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
 * 38) **Cleared.
 * 39) * Can you split the last paragraph of the bio into two or three separate ones?
 * 40) **Splitted.
 * 41) * The BTS needs a little expansion, primarily context on "Innocents of Ryloth".
 * 42) **Expanded.
 * 43) *Otherwise looks good after a copyedit and some ref cleanup. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:48, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Got them all. Thanks for the review Master Jonathan. --Clone Commander Lee 06:39, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Senate Commando captain

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 17:56, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A poor guy who must face Cad Bane. Also my first non-clone nom

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 17:49, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) I'm sure others will find anything I may have missed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:52, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Due to the size of the article, you don't need two images.
 * 3) **I don't think so.
 * 4) ***Fixed.
 * 5) * "The captain and his commandos were unconvinced, however, and the captain ordered one of his subordinates to handcuff Bane. Aurra Sing, however, shot and killed the unfortunate man. Unfortunately, the captain had his neck snapped by Bane, killing him." Very choppy.
 * 6) **Fixed.
 * 7) ***"Then Bane attacked the captain hit him against a speeder and grabbed his head. While his men were killed by the disembarking BX-series droid commandos and Weequay bounty hunter Shahan Alama Bane snapped the neck of the captain, killing him." Again, make sure you use proper punctuation. Your comma use is improving, but can improve more.
 * 8) ****Fixed.
 * 9) * Mention that he was a human male in the intro.
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) * "When the speeder of the bounty hunters approached to the blocked sector the captain and his team were sent to arrest the harasser." Improper English
 * 12) **Fixed.
 * 13) ***Again, check your comma usage.
 * 14) ****Fixed.
 * 15) * "When the speeder of the bounty hunters approached to the blocked sector the captain and his team were sent to arrest the harasser. As the speeder landed the captain ordered Bane to take his hands up." Very choppy. Merge The last sentence with the preceding sentence. Also Lee, make sure you use words such as "soon" or "then", to get a sense of chronological order. You said the speeder approached in the first sentence, but it doesn't connect with the next when you say "As it landed". "Landed" isn't proper here as well.
 * 16) **Fixed.
 * 17) ***Still remains
 * 18) ****Fixed.
 * 19) * "The Duros took his hands up, but advised the captain to be not to hasty. The commando then ordered one of his men to arrest Bane. The man was however killed by a blaster bolt coming from a tower. The sharpshooter, Aurra Sing, quickly killed more of the captains men." Rather choppy.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) ***No, still remains.
 * 22) ****Fixed.
 * 23) * After the captain's death, is the rest of the information relevant to him?
 * 24) **I think so.
 * 25) ***"After all Commandos were dead Bane ordered the droids to take the uniforms of the dead soldiers. The bounty hunters were able to blackmail the release of Ziro by capturing some senators. The bounty hunters escaped with the Hutt, but not before setting up some explosive devices. Luckily Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker was able to save the senators." This is irrelevant to the captain, no need to explain what happen after his death. Also, with the shortening of the article, two images isn't needed. The images are closed to each other, and should be equally spread apart depending on the size of the article.
 * 26) ****Removed.
 * 27) *More to come.  JangFett  Talk 18:26, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) Fett II
 * 29) * "When the speeder of the bounty hunters approached to the east sector, the captain and his team were sent to arrest the driver, the speeder stopped and the captain ordered Bane to take his hands up." Again, make sure you use transition words such as "soon", "though", "however". You can split this sentence up to make it "When the speeder of the bounty hunters approached to the east sector, the captain and his team were sent to arrest the driver. Soon the speeder stopped and the captain ordered Bane to take his hands up."
 * 30) **Adressed.
 * 31) ***Forgot to mention, state were the speeder stopped. But I fixed it in the article :)
 * 32) * "The commando then ordered one of his men to arrest Bane, however the man was killed by a blaster bolt coming from a tower and the sharpshooter, Aurra Sing, quickly killed more of the captains men." She quickly killed more of the captains men with that shot? While you didn't mention that she or Bane killed his men before, it's redundant here.
 * 33) **Fixed.
 * 34) * "Then Bane attacked the captain hit him against a speeder and grabbed his head." Invalid flow of chronologically. You said Bane attack him then the captain, it is confusing without transition and proper punctuation.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * "While his men were killed by the disembarking BX-series droid commandos and Weequay bounty hunter Shahan Alama, Bane snapped the neck of the captain, killing him." I wouldn't say "men" here since you mentioned another "man" that was killed before. Perhaps replace "man" with the rest of the captain's squad.
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) * P&T-"The captain was a well trained Senate Commando." Fragment. Possibly expand, or merge with next sentence.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) * I suggest that you merge the choppy sentences of the P&T together Lee. Make sure they flow well together.
 * 41) **Fixed.
 * 42) * Expand the BtS, it is too choppy. Read through past smaller character GAs, such as Bel for examples.
 * 43) **Fixed.
 * 44) * JangFett  Talk 16:17, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) **Fixed. Thanks for the second review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 16:56, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Anytime, good work.  JangFett  Talk 17:49, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) Soresu
 * 48) *Normally, I'd fix most of this myself, but there's some stuff I think you should know for the future.
 * 49) * First up: References always come immediately after punctuation, not before it, like you did at the beginning of the bio.
 * 50) **Adressed.
 * 51) ** No idea what you've done, but the infobox reffing is not screwed up, and the original objection remains&mdash;there is a reff before a comma. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:50, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) * led a group of Senate Commandos against Cad Bane during the Senate hostage crisis. Cad Bane and the crisis need context. Also, Senate hostage crisis is conjectural, so you shouldn't be using it verbatim. Maybe against a group of bounty hunters headed by Cad Bane when they attempted to raid the Republic Executive Building would be better.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) * Senate and Commandos should be consistently capitalised throughout the article.
 * 56) **Fixed.
 * 57) * shot and killed the unfortunate man Unfortunate is POV, please remove.
 * 58) **Removed.
 * 59) * The commandos aren't the underorganisation, it is an underorganisation.
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) * approached to the east sector. Did they approach from the east or head toward the east? Either way, it isn't right. It needs to be either approached the east sector or approached from the east sector.
 * 62) **Fixed.
 * 63) * The Duros took his hands up, but advised the captain to be not to hasty. What Duros? It's confusing, since you haven'y mentioned him before. Maybe if you listed the involved bouty hunters when you first mention the posse. And it's put his hands up, not took.
 * 64) **Fixed.
 * 65) * The commando then ordered one of his men to arrest Bane, however the man was killed by a blaster bolt coming from a tower and the sharpshooter, Aurra Sing, quickly killed the rest of the captain's squad with more shots. Doesn't flow well.
 * 66) **Fixed.
 * 67) * While his men were killed by the disembarking BX-series droid commandos and Weequay bounty hunter Shahan Alama, Hang on. Haven't they all already been killed by Sing?
 * 68) **Fixed.
 * 69) * Although is repetitive in the P&T.
 * 70) **Fixed.
 * 71) * The second sources section is meant to be called "Notes and references"
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) *That's it (for now). Before you nominate in future, make sure you give a good copy-edit to the article. I had to make quite a big copy-edit. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:43, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) **Should have catched them all, thanks for the (first) review Soresu. --Clone Commander Lee 10:39, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ***That's okay, although I should note it's meant to be "caught them all". Catched is not a word. There'll be some more objections tomorrow. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:50, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ****Last objection also fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 11:33, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Makashi
 * 78) * Aurra Sing, however, shot and killed the man, the captain was attacked by Bane who snapped his neck, killing him. Doesn't flow well. Reword.
 * 79) **Reworded.
 * 80) * The 2nd, 3rd, and 4th sentences in the bio all start with "when". Please vary it a bit.
 * 81) **Adressed.
 * 82) * Ordered is a little repetitive in the bio.
 * 83) **Fixed.
 * 84) *That should be all of it, I think. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 13:37, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) **Got them all. Thanks for the second review SoresuMakashi. --Clone Commander Lee 17:52, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Stripe

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 09:06, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another clone for you. 990 words.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) No problem. Kilson Likes PIE 12:26, 24 July 09 (UTC)
 * 2) Remember that only italics are used in comic quotes, never bold. Otherwise look good after a copyedit. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:06, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) It's the least I could do after you gave me that Wookiee cookiee
 * 2) * "...Rodent tried to escape, though Rex chased him and destroyed him with a blaster shot." Too many pronouns, change the second him to Rodent or the droid.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * "Determined to stop the spy, Stripe had thrown a V-1 thermal detonator at the grate, which evaporated both the droid and a solid portion of the station's interior." Two things wrong here. First, the correct tense would be, "Stripe threw a..." Second, I think you should replace evaporated with destroyed. I believe evaporated only goes along with liquids, not solids, and if not, destroyed still probably sounds better.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "Stripe proudly responded that the clones never left anything half-done." You repeated the same thing word-for-word in both the biography and the Pts. Just changeup some of the words in one of the sentances.
 * 7) **Tweaked the one in bio.
 * 8) * "The character of Stripe made his only appearances in Mouse Hunt, a short 5-page webcomic, preceding The Clone Wars Season One episode "Rookies" and published on StarWars.com." It's kind of unclear in this sentance whether Rookiees or Mouse Hunt was published on Star Wars.com. You should put published on Star Wars.com right before the preceding Rookies part.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) *Other than that, nice job dude. Kilson Likes PIE 12:00, 24 July 09 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review.  Mauser  Comlink 12:23, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) IFYLOFD:
 * 13) *<S>Are CC-7567 and CC-2224's nicknames really necessary?
 * 14) **Yes. Both are mentioned more than twice, especially Rex.
 * 15) * Give context on alert code Aurek: What does it mean?
 * 16) **Actually, the source doesn't specify it all, it's only mentioned once. I could assume that it could possibly mean the highest alert, but I won't.
 * 17) *Other than that, looks clean. Very good job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:11, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the review.  Mauser  Comlink 23:19, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Kothlis (Clone Wars)
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 17:04, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: And another one...

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:07, 26 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 06:52, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *Missing Prelude section.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *" After a brief battle, however, the Separatist forces retreated. Jedi Grand Master Yoda, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and Skywalker's Padawan, Ahsoka Tano then entered negotiations with the first secretary Desark Fey'lya" First secretary of what?
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) *"Skywalker and Kenobi, as well as Skywalker's Padawan Ahsoka Tano—who flew one of the Y-Wings, with Captain CC-7567 serving as her gunner—engaged droid Vulture Droid starfighters." Droid is repetitive. I would suggest you replace it with Confederate or Separatist&mdash;but do as you see fit.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) *"Seeing that his forces no longer overpowered the Republic" I don't think that "overpowered" is the appropriate word here.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) *Other than that, looks clean. Nice job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for review. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Craven:
 * 2) * I can't find the name "Battle of Kothlis" in the comic. Where does it come from? --Craven 13:15, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Well, it was fought over Kothlis, so it is "Battle of Kothlis" even if the name wasn't stated exactly. All battle articles follow the same approach with the names... QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:29, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Jutting in here, but if it isn't mentioned in canon, it is conjecture, and needs the template. Craven is right. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:11, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Fine, I've added the template, though I still think of it as a bit of overkill. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *****Thanks. The thing is: We don't know which name future sources will come up with. It could indeed be "Battle of Kothlis", but it could also be Battle over Kothlis, Battle for Kothlis, Skirmish above Kothlis or 38th Battle of Kothlis. So until we get a canon name from an official source, we should avoid trying to pass our own conjectural titles off as canon. We already have too much speculation on Wookieepedia as is. --Craven 02:38, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Yuvar Xal

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:46, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Lost Tribe member, courtesy of Omen

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Another nice one by Jon. Kilson Likes PIE 20:41, 25 July 09 (UTC)
 * 2) More FotJ :P  JangFett  Talk 21:37, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:03, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Good to see a nom that has nothing to do with TCW for a change. :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:14, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:39, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "He was an influential member of the Tribe, and felt free to speak out during the meeting in Tahv after Skywalker's presence was revealed to the Sith." Does this really belong in the P&A? It seems to be more along the lines of P&T information to me.
 * 3) *Otherwise, it's your typical great job on a random character. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:31, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Xal interrupted one of the highest-ranking members of the Tribe, and it was tolerated. This shows that he had great power, because someone of lesser power would've gotten into a lot of trouble for interrupting a Lady during a meeting. Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:49, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *** Alright, I understand why it's in the P&A now, but I'd like to see that explained in the article so as not to confuse the reader. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:01, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ****Added.
 * 7) * One more: Abyss has been just been added to the "Appearances" section, so the whole thing now needs to be referenced. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 01:33, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:48, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * As a note, I will update this article when Abyss is released. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:48, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Phaseera

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 06:09, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Floyd strikes again.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) *so if the Sith tried to move troops through the valley the outpost would spot them and signal ahead to the base camp, so their defenses would be up and fully operational before the Sith ever reached them. So is repetitive.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *However, when the Sith commanders ordered the Gloom Walkers to take the outpost during the daytime, the Gloom Walkers objected It seems like the netire squad objected. Maybe if you cahnged it to "a number of Gloom Walkers" or something like that?
 * 5) **No, they all were. Path of Destruction describes that they were all shocked.
 * 6) *With the outpost taken out, the Republic camp had no idea that the main Sith force were marching through the valley toward them and were taken by surprise, and the Sith took the planet. Doesn't flow well. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:55, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) "Due to a seemingly impossible display of shooting by Dessel..." This is confusing. It isn't clear why his shooting was impossible, or even whether or not it was good shooting. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:07, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added GAnom tag. --Clone Commander Lee 06:33, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Battle of unidentified planet (tactical droid)
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:18, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: What can I say? I'm really getting into this...

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:00, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:30, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:19, 27 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:44, 26 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:19, 27 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:19, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * The intro needs to contain more about the actual battle. ATM, its sounding like the tactical droid was alone, since you make no mention of the other droids.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Could the image caption be changed? It should describe what's happening in the picture. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 12:47, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * The BTS could be expanded (mention which episode this led into, etc.)
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Please make an Aftermath section. (This led into an epsiode, so I still believe you could have farily significant information there).
 * 5) **The problem is that events in the episode do not have any relation to this battle. Despite what our Battle of Quell artice claims, there is no evidence in the episode that Aayla's ship was attacked while she returned from this battle. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***Fair enough. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:46, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * Also, there is info that is currently only present in the intro: "...during the Clone Wars between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems." You should either remove the "between the Republic and Confedercy" part, or move it down to the bio as well. (Right now, the bio doesn't state that the War was between the Republic and Confederacy).
 * 3) **I decided to remove it from the intro.
 * 4) *Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:14, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks for review. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * I understand your reasoning that we don't know what happened between this battle and Quell, but if the infobox claims that the Battle of Quell is next, then there needs to be a better flow of events. If not, and especially per the TCW web comic&mdash;the majority of the other comics say that they take place "just before" the corresponding episodes, while this one is notably one of the few that does not and states "The events in this story occur some time before  ' Jedi Crash'"&mdash;then perhaps we can't assume the chronology as you're saying.
 * 3) **Point taken and the Battle of Quell is removed from the infobox. Using the same logic, I figured out that we can't say that Mission to Florrum occurred prior to this one, so I've removed Florrum as well.
 * 4) * Please be careful what you assume for the Prelude. All we know is that a trap was set, and I don't see anything to indicate that the tactical droid and its forces were on the planet before Secura lured it to the planet's data banks. The current wording&mdash;"a Confederate tactical droid that commanded the Separatist forces on an unidentified planet"&mdash;suggests otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 18:45, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:18, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Because they would have only a couple of lines, I decided not to use the "prelude" and "aftermath" sections and instead merged everything into "the battle". <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * I'll take another look when I can get to it.  CC7567  (talk) 05:34, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Barb Mentir

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 18:51, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor pirate from TCW The Gungan General

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Comments
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Add at least one more image.
 * 3) **Added by JMAS.
 * 4) * Missing quotes for the head and bio.
 * 5) ** I'll ask JMAS.
 * 6) ***Added by JMAS.
 * 7) * Check your sources. Did you also check the guide?
 * 8) **Checked.
 * 9) ***Lee, that is not the way to source. You just copied and pasted "Shadow of Malevolence" guide, but renamed the title name to "The Gungan General". I suggest that you double check your sources and then add the two guides (Gungan & Dooku) into the "Soruces" section. Also, don't source to the decoded episode on StarWars.com, because they replace them each week. Source Gungan decoded content with:.
 * 10) ****Sourced.
 * 11) *****I redid some referencing and sourcing.
 * 12) * "Around 27 BBY, Barb Mentir was involved in a knife fight, there he lost his right eye in the fight and later wore an eye patch over where it had been." I probably forgot, but did it say around 27 BBY or said couple years before?
 * 13) ** It don't know certainly the info was there before i worked on the article and I can't watch the decoded episode.
 * 14) ***I suggest that you remove it the "27 BBY" with "Before the Clone Wars".
 * 15) ****Fixed.
 * 16) * "Around 22 BBY, the Sith Lord and Separaratist leader Count Dooku crashlanded on Vanqor, after being chased and shot down by Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker." So Anakin and Obi-Wan chased and shot down Dooku? You fail to mention their ships. Also too much context on Dooku. You can say Confederate Head of State Count Dooku, or just Sith Lord.
 * 17) **Adressed.
 * 18) * "After trapping the Jedi in a cave, Dooku met some members of Ohnaka's gang. Hondo Ohnaka took the Count to Florrum and captured him there." Dooku was not captured on Florrum. He was taken captive before hand and wasn't released by the pirates.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * "Ohnaka contacted Supreme Chancellor Palpatine of the Galactic Republic and agreed to acceppt a ransom in form of spice for the Count." How this is relevant to Barb?
 * 21) **Says why the Republic went to Florrum.
 * 22) * If you're not aware of Barb being on Vanqor, then don't add excessive details about the capture of Dooku, Obi-Wan and Anakin. While you're just summarizing the plot to "Dooku captured", none of the details are related to Barb.
 * 23) **Background info.
 * 24) * "Falso, however, wanted to betray Ohnaka and conspired with Mentir." This sentence doesn't flow well with the next sentence. You say he conspired with Mentir, but then the next sentence, Falso talked with Ohnaka.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Falso also expressed his sorrows that Ohnka would negotiate with the Galactic Republic diplomats and ordered Mentir to shoot the Republic shuttle down." Expressed his sorrows with whom?
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) * "After landing, Falso was awaited by Falso who asked him if he had completed his task." Falso was awaited by Falso?
 * 29) ** Oops. Corrected.
 * 30) * "Mentir hesitantly told him that the shuttle had crashed in the Doshar fields." told who?
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * "Falso then asked him if hed had the spice." Fragment, consider merging.
 * 33) **Merged.
 * 34) * "Mentir first appered as an unidentified pirate in The Gungan General the 12th episode of the Clone Wars TV series, aired at January 9, 2009." While it was the 12th episode, don't mention it because of the unestablished timelime. Airdate is fine.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * Again, a lot of details aren't related to Barb. The article seems if it is a short summary of "Dooku Captured" and "Gungan General". While you do have most information about Barb, please go back and remove any irrelevant details that don't concern him. Sentences like this: "Dooku then choked Falso to death and escaped in their ship.", shouldn't belong in a article about Barb.
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) *Lee, like your other noms, please make sure you give your articles a good copyedit. I see a lot of grammatical errors, spelling errors, and tense issues. While I corrected most of them, please go back and check for yourself.
 * 39) **I'll can't do a copyedit myself.
 * 40) ***At least try, and once you're done checking, you can ask someone else to give it a copyedit :)
 * 41) ****I read through the article.
 * 42) * JangFett  Talk 19:29, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **I don't get all really well but thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 14:31, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) Few more for now
 * 45) * The "Death as a pirate" section is too small to have its own section. You can merge it with the other.
 * 46) **Merged.
 * 47) * Intro-"However some clone troopers, along with Gungan Representative Jar Jar Binks, had survived the impact and managed to kill all pirates, except Falso, who returned to the base and told Ohnaka that the Republic had sent an army instead of the ransom." Whle you mentioned the clone troopers and Jar Jar in the intro, you failed to mention it in his bio.
 * 48) **Fixed.
 * 49) * P&T-"Also, he was able to fly a Flarestar ship so good to force a Nu-class shuttle, piloted by clone trooper pilots down." A bit too POV
 * 50) **Reworded.
 * 51) ***"Good enough" is still more towards POV.
 * 52) ****reworded.
 * 53) * JangFett  Talk 17:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **Fixed. Thanks for both review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:28, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ***No problem Lee, more to come.
 * 56) Fett will look once more
 * 57) *Intro-"Around 22 BBY, he cooperated with Turk Falso to betray the leader of their gang, who had captured Count Dooku, leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems." Context on Falso.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) *"After discussing the ransom with Ohnaka, Falso met with Mentir and told him that the spice was on the way and ordered Mentir to shoot the Republic shuttle down, being careful to not damage the spice." This sentence needs clarifying. It is quite confusing when Falso ordered Mentir to do something. The way the sentence is worded sounds like Falso is telling Mentir to shoot the ship, however, shoot the ship with what? Where is the spice?
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) *"Mentir felt the plan was too risky and asked him about Ohnaka. Falso calmed his fears and claimed they would be long gone before Ohnaka realized what happened. Mentir then took a Flarestar-class Weequay ship and waited in Florrum's atmosphere for the arrival of the Republic shuttle." These sentences are too choppy.
 * 62) **Fixed.
 * 63) *"He opened fire, and after firing two missiles, successfully managed to bring the shuttle down." He opened fire with what? Also after "He opened fire," the next part of the sentence doesn't make sense. "Successfully managed" doesn't work here.
 * 64) **Fixed.
 * 65) *"He returned to the pirate base where he reported in to Falso." Merge this with the next sentence.
 * 66) **Fixed.
 * 67) *"Falso then found Mentir, planning to escape with a ship." This sentence is very confusing. Reword.
 * 68) **Fixed.
 * 69) *BtS- I see a repetition of "He".
 * 70) **Fixed.
 * 71) * JangFett  Talk 00:38, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Got them all. Thanks for the third review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 10:44, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: Transfer

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 18:54, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first comic, well part of TCW, nom. Kilson inspired me to do this :)

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Glad to see I'm not the only one doing OOUs. Kilson Likes PIE 20:14, 27 July 09 (UTC)
 * 2) No problem; good job.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:23, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  08:27, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Kilson helps out his fellow OOUers
 * 2) * The Plot section must be written in present tense. You start off writing in present, but you alternate between past and present several times in the section.
 * 3) **Yes, along with my copyedit, QuiGonJinn gave it a copyedit and replaced a lot of past tense wording.
 * 4) * In the Development subsection, you forgot to ref the date of the comic's release with the same ref you used in the infobox.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) *Otherwise, nice job dude. I'm surprised I inspired someone to do something other that eat PIE. :P Kilson Likes PIE 19:37, 27 July 09 (UTC)
 * 7) **Haha, thanks Kilson. Yeah, I plan to do another one of these comics since I know that I should write the plot in present tense :D
 * 8) What do you mean by "Skywalker then brings his attention to his Padawan, Ahsoka Tano."? Is Skywalker bringing the clone's attention to Ahsoka, or is he bringing his own attention to the Padawan? (If it's the latter, then this could probably be left out.) Nice work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:17, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *It is the latter, I'll remove it. Thanks for the review Jonny :)
 * 10) Grunny:
 * 11) *"a clone trooper sergeant tells Skywalker", "The clone sergeant tells Skywalker", "Skywalker tells his", "Skywalker also tells his", "Tano tells the Jedi Masters", "Unduli tells her", etc. This is very repetitive, try to mix it up.
 * 12) **Too many "tells". Addressed
 * 13) *The third paragraph of the Plot Summary is a collection of short choppy sentences, try to smooth them out and mix up the sentence structure a bit more. I would try to, but I think it would be good for you to do it.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:12, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Addressed, thanks for the review Grunny :)
 * 15) "Behind the scenes" in an OOU article? That either violates the MoS/LG, if we have one for OOU articles, or general FA precedent. Should be changed to something more appropriate, like "description" or somesuch. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:26, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Quork

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 01:19, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Q alien. Maybe some of these could ride some Quor'sav and joust with their spears or something.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) No objections from me. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:02, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:03, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Th'iruckai

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 09:35, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: La-de-da

(2 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Minor ref correction, and that's it. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:46, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:15, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Great work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:44, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:03, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Ugly but necessary template has been added, and I support! ~ SavageBob 03:56, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * More of a question than an objection: Is there anything in the source that names maces, swords, and bows as "bronze-age" weapons? If not, this is an OOU term, and should probably be removed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:34, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * The source says "The technological level of the planet is equivalent to the early bronze-age, with swords, bows and maces being the norm." --Eyrezer 21:40, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I assumed so; just wanted to be sure :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:44, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * No prob. --Eyrezer 21:48, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Should the RPG assumption template be used? We're assuming the adventure goes the way it is scripted, but there are variants mentioned in the BTS. ~ SavageBob 23:57, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I added it to encompass the whole History section, which is a bit of a shame but is possibly the most accurate. --Eyrezer 03:44, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Dimean

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 21:35, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A KOTOR/Species crossover

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Everything looks good! ~ SavageBob 23:58, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work Ey.  JangFett  Talk 00:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:04, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Kitha Farlander

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 23:30, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: So, you have a sister&hellip;

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 07:40, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:53, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *Intro could be expanded, it is vaguely worded; While I'm seeing that her brother joined the Rebel Alliance in her bio, it's not mentioned in the intro.
 * 3) *Other than that, great work GT :)  JangFett  Talk 00:13, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Wilek Nereus

 * Nominated by: Andykatib 10:03, 21th July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: While the first nomination was a flop due to the time it took to renovate the whole article, I managed to improve it with the guidance and support of Master Jonathan. Hopefully, this will be more successful. Andykatib 10:04, 21th July 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 10:17, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Exceeds 3,000 words limit (it currently has 3,202 per Microsoft Word). Either cut down some detail or consider nominating it for a Featured Article. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments