Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Cay Qel-Droma


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Cay Qel-Droma

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk)
 * Nomination comments: My first WP:TOTJ article.

(6 Inqs/0 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done Mr. Jadson. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:11, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:41, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 09:28, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:14, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan ( Talk ) 13:08, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:18, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Minor:For the Great Sith War section, I'd add another image, so as to balance them out. I would've said just to move the next image (Ulicqeldromaversuscay.JPG) to the left, but that will displace the section header. If you need a good one to add, you know where to get'em!;) I'd use this one (Cayqel-dromaHS.jpg), since it actually is the image that corresponds with the section quote. Up to you though.
 * 3) **Funnily enough, I thought about adding another image there but decided against it. Anyway, added one.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Also, I would change the image (Image:Cay qel droma.jpg) for the "First mission" section, only because it depicts Cay with his prosthesis, which he didn't have yet at that point in the story.
 * 5) **Wow, I thought about that too, but decided not to change it. Replaced that image now though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:39, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *** I'll find you a good one, one that depicts him pre-prosthesis ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:17, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * The "Born" field in the infobox is not sourced...I'd do it, if I knew. Also, just as a suggestion, you might want to merge some paragraphs, as the small, two or three sentence ones don't particularly look neat in the context of the greater article. Thefourdotelipsis 11:12, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Fixed, on both counts.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:49, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Grass clippings:
 * 10) * Not so sure how I feel about calling the Qel-Dromas a "warrior family." Is this phrase established anywhere in canon?
 * 11) **No. Changed.
 * 12) * A little more context for the Naddist Uprising in the intro is needed.
 * 13) **Got it.
 * 14) * The Great Sith War portion of the intro needs a bit of expansion, summarizing the events in a little more detail than is there, Kun needs some context, as does Cay's showdown with Ulic. Pretty much anything Cay took part in should be mentioned, at least.
 * 15) **I added what's there; he really doesn't do much in the GSW.
 * 16) * Third paragraph of "First mission" is very play-by-play. I suggest rewording, toning it down a bit.
 * 17) **How is it now?
 * 18) ***Much better. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Oron Kira was not the Beast Riders' chief at the time of his wedding.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) * Calling Nadd "powerful" is POV.
 * 22) **But he was... Fixed.
 * 23) ***Doesn't matter. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Ulic and Galia were forced to flee, however, Arca was now a captive of Ommin and the Sith spirit Nadd." – This reads a bit awkwardly, and could use a rewording.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "Led by Nomi Sunrider, and her Battle Meditation," – This should be restructured a bit, so that the battle meditation is not part of the subject.
 * 27) **Changed.
 * 28) * Reword this less awkwardly: "Ulic was wounded by a piece of slag from a Chaos fighter, a piece covered in Sith magic from the duo's malicious abilities."
 * 29) **Altered.
 * 30) * I think the Conclave was about a bit more than the loss at one battle.
 * 31) **Added details about its purpose.
 * 32) * This in particular is a bit unwieldy: "A pain was carried in the Force, striking all Jedi."
 * 33) **Changed.
 * 34) * Also, please explain a bit better why Exar Kun let out the Force cry. It sounds like a malicious act as is.
 * 35) **Added some clarification.
 * 36) * The servant droids weren't Krath droids, but reprogrammed normal ones.
 * 37) **But they were modified by the Krath to kill Jedi, so I think calling them modified battle droids is okay.
 * 38) ***They weren't physically modified at all, per sources. Only the programming, hence only Cay noticed the difference. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Fixed.
 * 40) * Rather than an after-the-fact aside, mention Cay's suspicions about the droids when it happens.
 * 41) **Cay. (Sorry, had to make that pun).
 * 42) * Calling Arca's death "a grievous blow" is POVish.
 * 43) **Fixed.
 * 44) * Please establish Ulic and Nomi as lovers before offhand references to them as such.
 * 45) **did so.
 * 46) * I'm not too thrilled with this statement: "He was no longer the brother Cay loved."
 * 47) **Better?
 * 48) * Some of Ulic's prideful proclamations at his trial should be mentioned.
 * 49) **Fixed.
 * 50) * The details of the Battle of Kemplex IX are a bit hazy. Referring to the ship ripping the stellar core out, for instance. Please revisit this paragraph.
 * 51) **Sorry if I'm being thick, but could you explain how it's hazy?
 * 52) ***I'd just explain it in a bit more concise detail, clarifying who did what and so forth. Also, there is a typo in there for you to get while you have the section open. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Not sure of the exact meaning of "one of the galaxy's most prolific Jedi Knights," but I am sure it's POV.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) * A bit more detail about his mechanical aptitude in both the P&T and P&A would be nice. For instance, his insistence on tinkering instead of listening to Arca's lectures, etc. Please go over the source material once more.
 * 56) **Added some.
 * 57) ***"Cay also loved working with machines" is the tip of the iceberg. There's plenty to be said about Cay; this is the key factor in the character's personality. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * BtS needs a lot of retooling. Inaccurate statements. Also, something from Greyman's Veitch and Anderson interviews could surely be used.
 * 59) **What is inaccurate? I'll go over the interviews again too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:42, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) ***Honestly, you really should go into detail about his appearances, and how he appeared in each. This is an extremely bare-bones BtS so far; there has to be more to find. For instance, that Ulic and not Cay was introduced in DE, and that Cay was added on only later. Search for Veitch stuff, as it's likely he has something to say about the series or the character somewhere. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ****Believe it or not, I found nothing relevant to add. Added a bit about his role and that he was not created in DE.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:12, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) *****Seriously? Graestan ( Talk ) 23:04, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Graestan ( Talk ) 18:33, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) Toprawa:
 * 65) * Please consider this my preliminary copy-edit objection(s): I'm already seeing you're missing the Star Wars Encyclopedia and Star Wars: Behind the Magic in your source list, and quite possibly small tidbits of new info from one or both. Please add them to the list in correct order and check for new info. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:54, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) **Not an objection, but in response to Grae's concern above, SWE does indeed refer to the Qel-Droma's as a "great warrior family." Just throwing that out there. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) * The audio dramas need to be listed in the appearances list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:49, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) * Can we link anything to his "mother"?
 * 69) **Yes, in fact.
 * 70) * Can we link anything to this power? "with Doneeta's ability to speak beast-languages,"
 * 71) **Yep.
 * 72) * Again, no link for this? If not, please create an appropriate red link: "interrupting the wedding between Galia and the Beast Riders' second-in-command, Oron Kira"
 * 73) **Linky.
 * 74) * Please pipelink the appropriate year into here: "Kira explained that four hundred years before"
 * 75) **It's an approximation, so there's no exact date.
 * 76) * The picture of him tinkering with a droid on Arkania seems very disjointed to the accompanying section, since no mention of anything similar to that is ever mentioned. Can you find a better picture of him in training, or otherwise supplement it with some kind of description?
 * 77) **Tried to give it better relation to the stuff at hand.
 * 78) * This needs some kind of better description accompanying it for context: "Distracted by the perpetual night"
 * 79) **New description in.
 * 80) * You alternate between using periods on your image captions and not doing so. I really don't care what you go with, but choose one and stick with it
 * 81) **Silly of me.
 * 82) * We can't link anything to this dark side energy? "Struck by a blast of dark side energy"
 * 83) **I'll keep looking but it appears I will have to create an article. Because it's a comic, it could be intended to be another actual power, and coloring throws it off. I dunno.
 * 84) * I would like to see this better explained that Nadd's spirit was alive and well, and very much participating in all of this. This description is kind of weak: "Ommin, using the power of Freedon Nadd,"
 * 85) **Changed.
 * 86) * At the very least, some kind of red link should be created for this battle: "a battle was raging for Koros Major"
 * 87) **There is a battle, and it's an FA.
 * 88) * This needs some greater contextualizing. What service droids? "noticed that the servant droids were acting strange, but he dismissed this feeling."
 * 89) **Droids serving the Jedi.
 * 90) * Some calendrical context for this revolution, please: "Using methods learned during the Great Droid Revolution"
 * 91) **Got it.
 * 92) * What, specifically, does this have to do with Cay? If this can't be reworded to read from Qel-Droma's perspective, it should be removed, due to extraneousness: "However, due to bugs in the fighter, Diath was unable to respond in time during a test run, and his fighter slammed into a rock. The Jedi believed Diath had perished, but were thrilled to find out he had evacuated in time to avoid death."
 * 93) **Removed.
 * 94) ***Added a wee bit to keep the idea. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 95) * I'm troubled by these huge paragraphs that don't mention Cay Qel-Droma in the very least. I can understand the surrounding actions concern him, but these details need to be trimmed down to the barest of essentials while making sure you do what you can to show it strictly from the perspective of Cay. Specifically, I'm looking at the paragraph beginning "Shortly after this..." Please cut it down.
 * 96) **You mean about the star explosion. Tried to cut it down.
 * 97) ***Much better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) * According to the Cay's Dream article, there seems to be some info on what was done with Cay's body after dying that I don't see here
 * 99) **Added.
 * 100) * The last bits of the Power and abilities section, starting about how he frequently repaired droids, etc., should really be in his P&T unless you can link these skills to the Force somehow
 * 101) **Most of it is. I kept some because it says he was talented, which is obviously a skill.
 * 102) * You could probably add a little bit how he used a green lightsaber, maybe, in his P/T.
 * 103) **He may change lightsabers a few times. In the comic, he definitely has a green lightsaber. Then he has a blue one the same color as Nomi's (which is shown a few pages earlier to be green) and later he has a blue one. However, it likely is just coloring errors or simplicity, but I think that's too much of an assumption.
 * 104) ***At the very least, then, that sounds like pertinent BTS info, whether or not it is truly a mistake. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) ***I would probably also recommend adding a picture of him using the blue saber to the BTS. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:39, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) ****I added something to the BTS. May need a little tweaking. Tell me if you think it's worth keeping, and I'll put in a picture.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please order the source list by correct OOU publication date
 * 108) **Couldn't remember how we ordered it. Fixed, now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:08, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) * I'll leave the SWE entry on your talk page. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:52, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) * I'm told you're also missing some substantial info from the TOTJ Companion, which would be added to the "Early life" section. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) **Added. Much of it was personality stuff.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * 1) Indeed, Mr. Jadson, this article has come a long way! It's been polished nicely from the nonsense that it was before you stepped on the scene. I'm glad to be working on this project with you ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 16:19, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The reason everyone is referred to by first name is that that's how it's done in the comic.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Thanks for the reviews guys.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:09, 12 June 2008 (UTC)