Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified Neimoidian captain


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified Neimoidian captain

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:00, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: That's right, another unidentified character from me. Why? Because I'm bored.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:50, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) He'd better eventually get a name.  CC7567  (talk) 23:38, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Mauser  Comlink 15:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:35, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:29, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  20:20, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:35, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Juicy of Unparalleled Juiciness
 * 2) * "This Neimoidian ordered his frigate to open fire on Alama's craft, and the captain had squadrons of droid starfighters deployed to combat a Republic LAAT/i gunship spotted in the area." I think this should be broken up into two sentences, or reworded for flow. It reads rather awkwardly the way it is now.
 * 3) **There's really no need to break it up. I've reworded it slightly, though. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:28, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The first sentence of the bio is very, very long. Not necessarily breaking any grammar rules, but could it be broken down for ease of reading?
 * 5) **Done. Unfortunately, I can't break it up any further. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:28, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:24, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Toprawa:
 * 8) * A few things, some nitpicky, some in depth. First, the big one. The third paragraph of the biography section contains too much peripheral detail. The biggest clue is that the subject of this article, the Neimoidian captain, isn't mentioned once. That would be good detail for the article concerning the battle, but not so much for this article's purpose. Please condense that paragraph down, I'm guessing into no more than two sentences.
 * 9) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Now the nitpicking: Are we sure the "Roger roger" quote from the P/T is punctuated correctly? Normally, a comma should be placed between "Roger, roger," but if the comic does not punctuate, it's ok to leave it.
 * 11) **No comma in the comic. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Also, per our recent CT decision, should not this article's source be "The Clone Wars: Hunting the Hunters, Part 1," assuming "Part 1" is not literally part of the title? Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:39, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **I suppose, but the comic has it listed as "The Clone Wars: Hunting the Hunters (Part 1)." Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Very well. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:29, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I don't have the time to fully look it over right now, but one factual correction I'll point out. The Republic forces did not shoot Alama's ship down. There is nothing to indicate that in the comic, not even on the bonus page. He was shot down by the Separatists, and them only. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 20:34, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * JMAS: see Gunship over Florrum. Also, in the bonus page, he complains about the Republic sticking it's nose where it doesn't belong, not the Confederacy. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:50, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Is the game considered canon? On the bonus page, he says they stuck their nose in, not that they shot him down. They could have appeared suddenly, surprising him and causing him to veer into Separatist fire. But in the comic, Aayla Secura mentions "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." As the separatists are clearly the enemy, that would mean she didn't count Alama's as an adversary. If the game has you shooting down Alama, then that seems to contradict the comic. Just something to think about. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:08, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not seeing your argument. The game has some level of canonicity, as it's based on the comic and referenced in the comic as well. The game has you playing as the gunship, and after shooting down the Confederates you shoot down Alama's ship. On the bonus page, Alama says that the Republic scouts were "sticking their nose where it didn't belong". The line from Secura was her thinking out loud before sending Bly to investigate.  CC7567  (talk) 03:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * There's no contradiction: technically, in the game, the Separatists open fire on you first, and when Alama comes in, he attacks first as well. Bly follows Secura's orders, and obviously Alama was not a friend of the Republic. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * OK, then. Thanks for clarifying. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:09, 16 June 2009 (UTC)