User talk:Jedi Kasra

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Welcome, Jedi Kasra!
Archived talk pages : 1 2  3

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Revan's Planet
Sure, I'll help. I've been planning on doing that for a while now but something always seemed to come up. NaruHina Talk  17:18, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

Re:Yuthura Ban
Hey Kasra. Sure, I'll help you with anything that you want with Yuthura and Uthar. Once you have worked on the articles, I can go do a pre-nom critical review to see if anything is missing. As for the CSWE, I know for certain that Yuthura Ban does not have an entry, although I am unsure about Uthar Wynn. I can try to find that out, though. Oh, before I forget -- Alek has new information from the latest comic that needs to be added into the Darth Malak article. Anything else you need let me know. Cylka  -talk- 21:51, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

Revan project page
Hey Kasra. I just wanted to let you know that I added in colons to the category links on your project page for Revan since it was showing up in the category pages. Cylka  -talk- 10:07, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * And I removed because they automatically put the article into categories. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:20, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * No problem. I didn't, but I do now, and have struck. I made a few changes to the section too. I think it looks better. I noticed two more things, though (I'll post them here rather than the GAN page so you don't have to track me down when you've done). You could make reference to the quote in the first bio section; say Alek and Revan were fast learners and wanted to learn more than their masters were comfortable with, and that Alek was a talented Jedi but not as much as Revan, etc. Also, the start of "Recruiting for the Revanchists" could do with more context. Say that the Mandalorians attacked but the Order were slow to do anything about it, and that Alek/Revan disagreed etc. It's already there, sort of, but it could do with more spelling-out for people who aren't familiar with the material. When you mention "Revan's cause" it wouldn't be clear to someone who knew nothing about it what that meant. Good work with Malak, by the way -- I haven't read it all, but it looks good and thorough, and is well-written. You should try for FA when it's gone through GAN, I think. (I'd be willing to give it a runover if you did). :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:34, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

Revanchist (faction)
Hey Kasra. I'm going to give you a preliminary account of the issues I believe you should deal with. I can take a look at the article again after you have fixed them up, in order to polish it up for the GAN page.
 * First item is that I think you need to turn the members section into something that is seen with the Black Vulkars. The Key members would be Revan, Alek, and the Jedi Exile.
 * In the year 3,964 BBY, the Revanchists, who were also known as the Jedi Crusaders,[6] began to come together and scout the looming Mandalorian threat as the Mandalorian and Republic fleets battled ineffectually within the neutral Republic frontier. Revan began to take his followers to investigate the Mandalorian activities on the Outer Rim, without the Jedi High Council's support. - There is redundant information in these two sentences, and they could probably be combined or reworded.
 * When Alek met Zayne Carrick that first time, it really isn't all that pertinent as to what Alek thought of Carrick. What is important is what Carrick's masters thought of the Revanchists worrying about the Mandalorians. That needs to be included.
 * In issue six, the news or something similar, talks about how Jedi have left to fight in the "crusade," and that many of them are already missing in action. You should add this in.
 * In issue eight, one of the Jedi at Flashpoint talks about how they were ambushed at Suurja, and that that planet was the first "outing" for the Crusaders. There is nothing in there about Revan leaving to take a look at Onderon and Dxun.
 * It is in issue nine that we learn that Revan left them to go to Onderon and Dxun. Also it appears that the Revanchists were kidnapped before the battle. Please double check this. There is an important scene between Revan and the High Council in this issue that I feel needs to be detailed a bit more.
 * In issue ten there is more information about Revan having a vision of what the Mandalorians are doing and going to investigate it. He also has some plans for the Crusaders and they will follow him through the tough times. You need to detail some of this a bit more.
 * I don't see them mentioned in issue 14. Please double check this.
 * Issue fifteen talks about the Crusaders scouting around the lines. Also remember that it is probable that the Exile was a scout on Serroco. In KotOR II, Atton Rand mentions she was there. This may be useful to add in somehow.
 * Issue nineteen, Alek talks about how some of them had visions about Adasca's exogorths. Plus there is some more details about the meeting on the Legacy to be found in issue twenty as well. This needs to be detailed a bit more.
 * You need to detail the information from Galactic Republic Defense Ministry Daily Brief KD0092 a bit more.
 * The Council approved his motion ordering the recall, or even detention, of the Revanchists.[14] After Alek, who was going by the alias "Malak" in order to avoid the warrant for his arrest,[15] testified against the Covenant on behalf of the fugitive Jedi Zayne Carrick, he was sent back to Revan and his Jedi with a final warning. - This needs more context. These sentences don't connect to each other very much.
 * I think you need to talk a bit about how the Jedi Council warned them that they would become corrupted and end up like the Mandalorian aggressors.
 * Eventually, in the year 3,961 BBY, Revan found an ancient Star Map on the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk that was left by the Rakata, an ancient civilization that ruled the galaxy approximately 20,000 years earlier. He then discovered a planet called Malachor V - What does this Star Map have to do with Malachor V? These pieces of information need to connect to each other.
 * OK, start with these changes, and I'll look over the article again. I have changed and added some appearances. Make sure that you have all of them. Let me know when you are ready to have me look at the article again. Cylka  -talk- 20:48, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Bane/Revanchist
Hey, Kasra,

Yes, I remember you mentioning that before. I am unsure as to how to go about that, but I will figure it out. Thanks for that piece of info, btw. As far as the Revanchists, give me a moment. I'll try to get to it either tonight or tomorrow, and we'll go through it like we did with Bandon. How's that? —Tommy  ( Nine two eight one ) 16:39, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

The Faction
My apologies, young Jedi. If you still want to do the pre-nom review together, I'm here. Other things have me stretched rather thin as of late, but I have not forgotten about you. —Tommy  ( Nine two eight one ) 15:01, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Calo Nord
OK, I knocked out the copyedit and a pre-nom review. Here are my objections:


 * Plagiarism watch: Several phrases scattered throughout the article appear to be quoted directly from the Databank. Please look for and reword such instances.
 * "He became the most feared hunters of his era." Do you mean "one of the most feared hunters" or "the most feared hunter"?
 * To touch on that, when you do clarify, make sure you change it so it isn't POVish, as it currently reads. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 21:31, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Context on the Exchange in both the intro and the body.
 * "Jedi Civil War" section quote: the hyphen technically should be an em-dash with no surrounding spaces, but as I don't have the game, I don't know what's shown in-game. If it's verbatim from a text display as shown now, then a [sic] might be warranted, but if a text display shows the em-dash&mdash;or if it can only be heard, not seen on-screen&mdash;then it needs to be changed.
 * "Nord, who was on the planet for business with Davik Kang, tried along with the crime lord to prevent Shan's escape from the planet when she, the former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—who was also one of Kang's employees—attempted to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk so that they could escape Taris." This is a bit of a run-on&mdash;see if you can break it up into two sentences.
 * "but ha and his thugs were quickly cut down": Huh?
 * P&T section quote: Who says what lines? It might be better to use a dialogue template here instead of Quote. Also, check the punctuation at the end of the second line&mdash;same situation as the other quote mentioned above.
 * "Should Canderous Ordo accompany Revan when Nord confronts him, he will make note of the fact that Nord brought backup with him," You just mentioned three males&mdash;which one does "he" refer to?

If you have any questions, please let me know. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 19:51, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Since you seem to have reverted much of the stuff I changed, I'll explain why I changed them:


 * C does not belong in the infobox. That template just makes the text small; since infobox text is small anyway, it's redundant and thus make the size of the article larger for no reason.
 * "Spacestation" is not a word (note that the title directly above the definition contains a space); also Spacestation redirects to Space station.
 * "The" is proper before the term Star Forge (note how it is used in the Star Forge article)
 * "New-found" is not a word, "newfound" is a word.
 * Quote formatting: When using the Quote template and breaking into multiple lines, two apostrophes for italics should be placed immediately before each closing quotation mark and immediately after each opening quotation mark that you manually type. This is to properly prevent the quotation marks themselves from being italicized.
 * Date at the beginning of the "Jedi Civil War" section: Many readers might not know when the Jedi Civil War took place, so the year needs to be explicitly stated instead of pipelinked to provide context.
 * "disturbingly expressionless face": "Disturbingly" was removed because it is 1) POV and 2) copied from the Databank (see my first objection above).
 * "Occassionally" only has one "s".
 * GenoHaradan should have the capital H; lowercase H is incorrect.
 * is used to sort articles in categories when there are more than one or two categories. It removes the need to pipe every category, thus reducing the size of the article.

I have redone these changes. Fair warning: If you revert them back again, I will object to them on the GAN page when it goes up. I did strike two objections above that you addressed. Thank you and may the Force be with you! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 18:18, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

The only issue left is clarifying who says what i the P&T quote, which as I said above, would probably be best accomplished with Dialogue1. It would look something like this:

Take care of that, and you'll have a user vote soon after it goes up on GAN. :) Given the size of the intro paragraphs, I would say that three is probably best. Have a nice day! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:13, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
 * OK, nice job! May the Force be with you! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 16:19, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey Kasra. I saw you in the RCs and I wanted to tell you that I would take a look at Calo Nord later on today, and leave you any objections. Cylka  -talk- 15:21, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Well done, young Jedi. You're good to go. Let me know if you need anything further. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 15:19, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

Stubs
Sure. If I can create articles like these, then yours are certainly worth merit. If they are going to be stubs, make sure you slap the appropriate templates on them as well. —Tommy9281  ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 16:03, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Hey, if you haven't done so already, check your email. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 15:24, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I sent it through Wookieepedia's email feature. What's the new email address so I can just send it directly? —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 15:34, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Darth Bandon
I'd say go for it. Noms are ripping through the FA page at a rate of knots these days, but don't be surprised if you have to do some serious work on it. Some of the other Inqs are pretty tough :) - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 16:27, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

RE: Name change?
It could be worth considering, but it would require a discussion on the talk page to let people present their views on it. Also, if it were to be moved, it would probably have to be moved to Rawk, since "Bantha" is a nickname, similar to Jarik.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:09, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Duel on the Star Forge
OK, Kasra, here is my preliminary review of Duel on the Star Forge.
 * I would add in a small Prelude section before the Final confrontation section. It can give a brief explanation of the search for the Star Forge, Revan arriving on the Star Forge with his companions aboard the Ebon Hawk, meeting the other Jedi, redeeming Bastila, etc. This should really only be a paragraph long. This section is needed to give context for the last sentence of Malak's death.
 * The first paragraph of the Final confrontation section is all one sentence and needs to be broken up. You also need to add in a bit more context for Revan and Malak. Bastila is cut out of here, and added to the Prelude since she is not important to the duel.
 * Revan's arrival was unexpected, - For whom was it unexpected? Malak only, or others as well?
 * After Revan got past the droids, Malak realized that Revan had become much stronger than he ever was as the Dark Lord. Malak was tempted to try and capture his former Master alive, so that he could break him, and make Revan become his own apprentice. However, Revan said that he would never turn to the dark side again - I would explain this a bit in that this was a conversation between them as they were preparing to fight.
 * He then used the Force to drain the life-force from one of eight captive Jedi that he captured from the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine, when he and his forces attacked the planet. Revan destroyed the other stasis pods, letting the other Jedi become one with the Force. - This needs to be explained a lot more. Most readers will have not played the game, so they will not understand all that went on here.
 * I would expand the Aftermath section a bit more in regards to Revan and Bastila's roles and Revan's eventual departure. I would, however, cut out the whole second paragraph dealing with Traya and the Korriban academy since you will need to give a great deal of context to that and that will likely double the article. The events of KotOR are not vital to this duel.
 * You gave the cheat code for the Xbox version of the game, so you also need to give the cheat for the PC version, since it is present there as well. I don't exactly remember the cheat, but I'm sure that you could easily find it. I would cite the cheats to MobyGames or something similar.
 * Please let me know when you have taken care of these and I will go through the article again. It is looking good, Kasra. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 12:34, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Re: Calo Nord's intro
In particular, I think it's mainly the third paragraph that can either be cut down or merged with the second; you can say that Nord informed them of Revan, but right now, Nord's briefing is a bit hefty. Also, the information in the third paragraph is centered a bit too much around Revan; I understand that it's part of the reason Nord was trying to capture him and the situation as well, but it's still focused too much on Revan. The information you mentioned on my talk page is important, and it can only be shortened, because it needs to stay. Instead of saying that Kang was based on Taris, you can just say that when you mention his estate. Also, this sentence in the first paragraph: "He then became a bounty hunter, and his legend grew with every bounty he collected. Nord became one of the most feared hunters of his era." can be cut down; it's an embellishment of his persona, but it's not really necessary. I'll get to reviewing my other objections later today.  CC7567  (talk) 16:10, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * It looks fine right now. My only remaining intro objection is that if the third paragraph can be cut down more from Nord's briefing of Malak and Karath; it's still a bit wordy.  CC7567  (talk) 16:35, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Re:User talk:Cylka
Cylka's going to be close to completely unavailable for a few days, and I offered to handle anything people ask of her. Was there anything in particular you needed assistance with? Graestan ( Talk ) 19:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

RE: Bandon
If it's not too much trouble I'd rather that these discussions take place on the FAN page. It just makes things less complex, and I have fewer things to keep track of. Thefourdotelipsis 22:50, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

Your page is awesome
Your page is awesome. Your character is awesome i read your fanfic and ,guess what, it was awesome.--DarthPhane 20:25, 28 May 2009 (UTC),Dark Lord of the Sith
 * Thank you for the help and advice--DarthPhane, Dark Lord of the Sith 22:20, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Re: Bastila
Jedi Kasra: sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Stupid real life stuff going on, and I forgot to put a notice up on my talk page. Anyways, thanks for your consideration about the Bastila Shan page. Please feel free to go ahead and post your intro that you've been working on if you haven't done so already. If you don't think that you will have time to finish it, you can send me what you have so far and I can work on it if you like. I mostly just signed up for her on the individual projects list to get us all a bit more time to fix up her page before they demoted her. --Queenofthe1ring 03:15, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * sounds like a plan! :-)--Queenofthe1ring 01:44, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Intro looks awesome! One suggestion though, the ending bit about her child, if it doesn't have a source, we'd probably be better off leaving it out. --Queenofthe1ring 02:06, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Ok, in that case, no complaints with the new intro. Go for it!--Queenofthe1ring 00:40, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Assistance
Hey Kasra,

I have to be honest with you in telling you that I have no exposure to Revan, or any material in which he directly appears. If you want me to do a general perusal, however, I can probably manage that. Please advise, thanks. —Tommy9281  ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 15:33, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Madame Cylka is fine, she's just preoccupied with a few things. As far as Malak goes&hellip;it'll be a few days, because I have a pretty busy schedule for at least the next five. And, your projects take undivided attention, so I've got to be sitting when I do get to it. Patience, young Jedi, all good things come to those who wait;) —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 15:40, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Re: Calo Nord
Please take a look at that blue sign at the top of my talk page; I have it up there for a reason. I have both Nord and the GAN page in my watchlist, and I already knew that you had addressed the objections without the notice you left on my talk page. In the future, unless I'm inactive for at least a week, please do not leave notices for me every time after you address any of my objections, as I don't need added reminders when I can get to them on my own time. Thank you.  CC7567  (talk) 21:13, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Re; Image request
I replied to your request on my talk page, but decided to copy it to your talk page as well in case you miss the first one. These are the images you're looking for, pick any of the two: File:MalakDyreFight1.jpg, File:MalakDyreFight2.jpg.  Mauser  Comlink 22:14, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * You're looking for File:RevanIsBorn-KotOR42.jpg.  Mauser  Comlink 14:46, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Re: Kreia's lightsaber
Hey Kasra. Sure, I'll periodically take a look at your Revan subpage and add in information. I'm still a little behind in regards to my work on the Wook, so I may do so slowly at the beginning. I also know that you take the time to check your sources, so I am not worried about that. Since the CSWE is the lastest source, you should add that she wielded a double-bladed green lightsaber before she lost the use of her hand. That is what I took away from the CSWE. Also, under the Traya entry, it says that the Exile was her former student -- Traya sensed the Exile, then went looking for her and found her at Peragus. This should be added in as well. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 16:04, 23 June 2009 (UTC)

Re:
Take your time. You do not need to update me each time, as well, since I check the FAN page a few times each week for addressed objections. That way you do not feel pressured to rush corrections or to garner my attention. I also recommend that people take the objections seriously and take their time in correcting them, so do not feel rushed. I'll see when they are done on the FAN page and we can go from there. Thanks. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:04, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

RE:Dician
Ah, I didn't know that. Thanks, Kasra :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:58, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Sure, I'll try to get to that soon.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 16:04, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

RE: Ergeron
Cheers, Kasra, didn't know that. :) -- Darth tom  <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:40, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Re: Joining the Clone Wars WookieeProject
You're welcome to; you don't need to wait for an invitation. :)  CC7567  (talk) 19:55, 16 July 2009 (UTC)