Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * Inquisitorius FAN Triage
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) Please note that in order for your vote to count, you must have 50 mainspace edits.
 * 4) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 5) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 6) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 7) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Lando Calrissian

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:35, 22 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: From the two directors that brought you Tales of the Jedi and Wraith Squadron! From the project behind Jaina Solo! From the minds behind Mara Jade Skywalker, an action-packed adventure filled with suspense, betrayal, romance, and, of course, inimitable charm. Now playing: The smoothest FAN ever to grace this page, Lando Calrissian!

(2 Inqs/9 Users/11 Total/INQCON 3)
Support
 * 1) As co-nominator. Greyman ( Talk ) 20:45, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Objections will be fixed soon as sources are checked by several users, including myself.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:29, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 23:56, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) This article is supported by Mecenarylord on 23:12, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:30, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:34, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 00:11, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) — The Flash  Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay!  01:59, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Whoa. Nice work. –Victor  Sienar.svg (talk page ) 03:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Awesome this will win for sure.Wesker432 09:33, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) He's too smooth!--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Thanks for the good read. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 22:57, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

I dare object to Lando
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis:
 * 2) * No info whatsoever from Lando Calrissian: Idiot's Array and Crisis on Cloud City. Not smooth. Thefourdotelipsis 03:04, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **The latter has been addressed; I've asked Borsk about the former. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:26, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Former is also addressed now. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:12, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Lord Hydronium:
 * 6) * Ditto Galaxy Guide 2: Yavin and Bespin. - Lord Hydronium 03:10, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **I've went ahead and added a sentence or two of some background information for this objection. I looked over my copy of the source again and couldn't see anything new beyond the sentences I just added. Is there something specific you're thinking of that I could work in? Greyman ( Talk ) 13:51, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *** There's some other bits on pages 50, 76, and 88. - Lord Hydronium 08:27, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Information added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The mentions of Ymile are rather confusingly arranged. There's a picture of her near where Lando wins the bet with Raynor, but no reference to her in the text, then much later in the article it mentions she helped Lando win. That second part should be noted and clarified at the time it actually occurs; also, she should be linked there, since she isn't at the moment. - Lord Hydronium 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * Succession box should include Treece; Action Tidings and the Cloud City Databank entry both say he was the Administrator of Cloud City. - Lord Hydronium 00:41, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Fixed the Ymile bits and buffed Lady Luck overall. Also, adjusted succession box, reffed from the actual Marvel comics though. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:15, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Information missing on how Lando got back Cloud City, from The New Essential Guide to Characters. Geonosis and the Outer Rim Worlds not in; amongst the things to add is a bit in there about how Lando raised Tibanna profits that's also in the NEC. - Lord Hydronium 07:29, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **The Tibanna profits bit is already in there, just referenced from another source. The Cloud City re-taking has been added. Still working on GATOW. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Two tidbits from GATORW added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:41, 11 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Added it to the "Sources" list as well. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Oh, I see; I was searching for "percent". - Lord Hydronium 19:52, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * More NEGTC tidbits: Lando giving control of Cloud City to the Ugnaughts after Zorba cedes it. Lando refusing to go to Chewbacca's funeral out of guilt. From GG3: Lobot convinced Lando to help Leia and the group. - Lord Hydronium 07:45, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) **All of the above fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *More missing sources: Rebellion Era Sourcebook, Roleplaying Game Revised Core Rulebook, Roleplaying Game: Saga Edition Core Rulebook , Dark Empire Sourcebook, The Truce at Bakura Sourcebook, Han Solo and the Corporate Sector Sourcebook (I just spotted a small mention, but there could be more) , Heir to the Empire Sourcebook, The Last Command Sourcebook, and Star Wars Trilogy Sourcebook - Special Edition . For now. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ** Rebellion Era Sourcebook is listed now, but it needs information from it. There's some on Page 111, for a start. - Lord Hydronium 07:01, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***The info on that page was already in the article. Could you tell me what specifically you are referring to? And the rest of the sourcebooks have been checked and added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:18, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *I had a whole thing for here before, a giant list of every piece of information I could find from these sources that was missing. Then my text editor crashed, so here's a much more general list. The Cloud City section from the RESB has information on Lando's neutrality. The RCR talks about him getting his fortunes and smuggling arms to the Rebellion. DESB needs a ton of information from it. Read the whole thing. Lando's section, Wedge's section, an inset in the Coruscant section, and the Star Destroyer section have major information missing from the article—everything up to Lando crashing on Coruscant is missing. The sourcebooks for HTTE and Dark Force Rising have important information in their Lando sections, as well as the Nkllon section of the former and Lady Luck section of the latter. Dark Force Rising overall needs major expansion. It barely touches on their capture by Garm, the entire search for the fleet, and the battle for the Katana. The first paragraph if the SOTE section is extremely vague and needs expanding; nothing is said about how Rendar is guiding them or how he abandons them, or where the Imperial forces come from.

My recommendation would be to withdraw the nom for now. It's missing too much major information from too many major sources. Dark Empire Sourcebook alone is a huge chunk not included, and with all that's been found, I frankly don't trust that this article is near complete. My advice would be to remove it, to read or reread all the sources thoroughly, rework the article, and then renom it when it's in a more complete state. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC) <!--#* The Young Calrissian comic is listed in the Non-canon section of the appearances, but is in the main body without any special tags. It should be consistent one way or the other. If, as it looks like, the story is mentioned in the CSWE, then I suggest it gets moved out of the non-canon section of the appearances. I also suggest that the reference to YC have a note added along the lines of: "This story was canonized by inclusion in the Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia." His ship from this story could also get a mention in the Ships section later on. --Eyrezer 11:00, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) **Major buffs to SOTE and DFR completed. Will go through the other TTT-related sourcebooks soon. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ***Major buffs to HTTE Sourcebook completed, minor buff to Rebellion Era Sourcebook. If you want more information from that source, I'll need a page number, because I just read through the entire thing and found a whopping one sentence of minor information. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:11, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ****RESB's good. - Lord Hydronium 23:20, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *****Buffed RCRGR, working on the DFR, TLC sourcebooks. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:13, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ******TLC sourcebook buffed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 00:45, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * for The Truce at Bakura, but it contains unique information to add. - Lord Hydronium 23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:44, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *In addition to the above, the following appearances and mentions are missing: Out of the Closet: The Assassin's Tale, Darksaber, Force Heretic I: Remnant, Therefore I Am: The Tale of IG-88, Payback: The Tale of Dengar, The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett, X-wing: Rogue Squadron, X-wing: Wedge's Gamble, X-wing: Wraith Squadron, Young Jedi Knights: Heirs of the Force, Young Jedi Knights: The Lost Ones, Young Jedi Knights: Lightsabers, Young Jedi Knights: Darkest Knight, Young Jedi Knights: Shards of Alderaan, Young Jedi Knights: Jedi Bounty, and Young Jedi Knights: The Emperor's Plague. - Lord Hydronium 01:17, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Chack and I have addressed these. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:44, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Force Heretic I has a bit about Lando from Jaina's childhood. Find text-searchable versions of these (ask on IRC if you need a source) and search through them for "Lando" or "Calrissian", please, because if the article's missing information from one, there's a chance it's missing from the others. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****No, no. You see, I did find that information when I went through and used text-searchable versions of these the first time. I just decided that particular tidbit was too anecdotal for inclusion in an encyclopedia article. However, if you're set on seeing "Calrissian also taught Jaina Solo to enjoy altha protein drinks during her childhood" in the article, I will add it, despite how trivial it seems. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:17, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *****By itself that tidbit might be too anecdotal, but I think the fact that Lando had more interaction with Jaina in her youth than just going on a mission with her is worth something. - Lord Hydronium 19:08, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ******After our discussion in IRC, I did a little more YJK research and added a paragraph about their interactions in general. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:58, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *Almost forgot: None of the movie novelizations or radio dramas are included. - Lord Hydronium 01:19, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **This particular objection has been addressed, along with adding a number of other ESB and ROTJ-related appearances. I've checked both novelizations and will check with Tope to make sure there's no new info in the radio dramas. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:19, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Han will have these objections down! We've gotta give them more time! (In all seriousness, we are working on these). Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:40, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Sorry, haven't checked those yet, but another: Galaxywide NewsNets from Adventure Journal 14. "Calrissian Resurfaces as Baron Administrator". - Lord Hydronium 06:36, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Mined. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:45, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, page 13, bottom left. - Lord Hydronium 05:02, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Tweaked. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:13, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *Galaxywide NewsNets in Adventure Journal 5 has another article with Lando info, "Smugglers' Roster: Random Rumors". - Lord Hydronium 01:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Also fixed. Fascinating info. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:35, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Gah, redlinks in source list, mine Databank and Wizards. Those first two totally slipped me mind.  Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 03:19, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *Red links busted. Greyman ( Talk ) 16:56, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *Databank has been mined and source list updated. Greyman ( Talk ) 15:32, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) Infobox not fully/correctly sourced.  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:24, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *I think I got the missing reference. If you desire other sourcing, please let me know. ;-) Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:22, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **Got it on the second try. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:26, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) I'd like to take Yrf's comment below and turn it into an actual objection; for instance, I know there are quotes to be had by or about Lando and/or what he was up to at the time for the LCA, TTT, and BFC. Ideally, since the sections are so long, each should probably have a quote.  Graestan ( Talk ) 13:48, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *All sections now have quotes except three tiny sections in the "Non-canon appearances" section in the BtS since quotes do not exist for those parts. Greyman ( Talk ) 16:32, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Hope you found at least one funny one from LCA. ;) Graestan ( Talk ) 23:12, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * File:Lando91.jpg, File:LanLukVil.jpg, File:Weaklando.jpg, File:Lando&Luke Marvel71.jpg and File:Lando&Han captive.jpg could all do with a re-scan. Other than that, excellent work, and about time! :) --Imperialles 13:08, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *All done. I was bored and Ataru mentioned it at the right time. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 00:16, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Image placement is irrelevant to the text in a number of locations. SinisterSamurai 07:32, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *I've moved a few things around. As it stands, there are two images that aren't directly pertinent to the sections they are in: the Caamas Document crisis section, and in the Kessel investment sections, where we used generic Lando images to fill gaps that would have left lots of text with no complimentary images. As it is, there's a good balance of images to compliment the text, but by removing those, the article's appearance would suffer accordingly. And there is article precedent for using generic images to fill "gaps". If there were more relevant images that could be substituted in, just point me in their direction and I'll gladly change it, but for now, it should stay as it is. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:03, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Looks good.
 * 5) Needs info from Star Wars: Power of the Jedi. Thefourdotelipsis 08:54, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:55, 8 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Eyrezer:
 * 1) **It doesn't seem to be mentioned in CSWE, according to Chack. I've added in non-canon tags in the main body, will get to the ships section soon. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:50, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ***Correction. Our page seems to list the comic as canon, so I'll check and see if I can find where it was canonized. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:53, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ****Purpilia added CSWE as a source on the Meek page, which is what I was going by. Probably not mentioned in Lando's article itself, though. --Eyrezer 09:24, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *****Yeah, I've fixed just about all the objection, need to add the ships section, though. ships section added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:28, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ******Great. With the Meek story, doesn't the CSWE say it was reported by HNN sources? This should be added, in a way that reflects the potential ambiguity or unreliability of the account that seems to be suggested in the Encyclopedia entry. --Eyrezer 14:03, 10 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *******That's exactly what CSWE reports. I've updated the article to reflect that. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:36, 10 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Osuno Whett is reintroduced too abruptly in the ThonBaka section. It needs to be explained how/why he was there.
 * 8) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Did Bria change her mind? I thought it might have always been her plan to rip off the smugglers.
 * 10) **Rebel Dawn and our Tharen article are ambiguous at best. I've ambiguified it also in the Lando article correspondingly. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:12, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "Shortly thereafter, Calrissian found himself on another treasure hunt sponsored by a trio of Hutts eagerly hunting the fabled Yavin Vassilika, a priceless, gemlike statuette, having been saved by Bib Fortuna after losing a game of sabacc." This makes it sound as though the Vassilika was saved by Fortuna.
 * 12) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * Are you certain about the placement of the Ruins of Dantooine stuff? It would make so much more sense if it didn't interrupt his trip to Bespin...
 * 14) **Well, the Galaxy of Fear stuff happened in 7 months ABY, and Lando doesn't win Cloud City until after 2 ABY, according to AJ 14, which is set circa 2 ABY according to my sources. That's why the Ruins of Dantooine stuff is there&mdash;it's before he wins Cloud City and after the Galaxy of Fear stuff, as Ruins of Dantooine is set 1.5 ABY. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:12, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***A shame, but that seems right. --Eyrezer 23:48, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * An appropriate mention of Tocneppil and Dash somewhere in the early sections should be added, based on that quote at the start of "Revenge attempts." Also a mention of Moabab would be good.
 * 17) **I'm not a big fan of saying "Calrissian met X" ten paragraphs before they actually have significant encounters with him, but I recognize that that opinion is not universally held. I've mentioned Tocneppil, Dash, and Mungo Baobab farther up, in a general sort of way since the timeline is unknown. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 00:09, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Yeah, I can understand that. I mainly requested it because Tocneppil was not otherwise mentioned in the bio.
 * 19) * Can you explain why EV-9D9 was a suspect at that early point? Do we know that the Idiot's Array story is not after EV's attempt?
 * 20) **I have no explanation, so I've moved EV-9D9's story to before Idiot's Array. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Great. I hoped that might be possible, but I wasn't sure. --Eyrezer 22:51, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Furthermore, he stated that he intended to keep things running smoothly at Calrissian, using a modus operandi he described as the Lando System." Is this meant to be running smoothly at Bespin?
 * 23) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * The Fact Files sources list needs to be expanded, and the reference notes likewise made more specific. (per this CT).
 * 25) **Cav has promised me FF goodness, will update as soon as I have my hands on them. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:24, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Fact Files are now in the source list, and the references have been updated accordingly. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:12, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * I suspect that "the death of scientist Lem on Cloud City" is the same as "when a noted scientist, Doctor Issan Len was murdered." These should be combined.
 * 28) **I was hoping someone would say that. It only appears as Lem in the Fact File, but I left in just because one could look at it through a hyperinclusionist point of view and say that they're different incidents. Removed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 00:09, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***I added a redirect.
 * 30) * The image of Boba Fett in the Precursor section is out of place. Is there no appropriate image from Crisis on Cloud City?
 * 31) **Working on it, but the images from Crisis are junk in quality. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Okay, I was able to get my hands on scans on every image from Crisis, and there's only one tolerable image of Calrissian, and it's a small, crudely-drawn black & white. If you want that, I can scan it in, but otherwise, there's only some general pictures of Cloud City and other characters. That being the case, I swapped out the Bob Fett one for another one from ESB that's a little less time-sensitive. However, if you want that one from Crisis or another, we can discuss, and I'm open to suggestions. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:10, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Yeah, I really don't like having the ESB image there, but I agree that the pics from inside Crisis are bad. However, I have an idea! What about a crop of the colour image of a firefight on the back of Crisis? As this must be depicting the events of the book, it seems a suitable image. --Eyrezer 12:28, 12 May 2009 (UTC) EDIT: Here it is here. A cleaner version would be nicer. What do you think? --Eyrezer 10:15, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****Uploaded and added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:57, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Just as they rocketed off the station," in the Destruction fo the Tarkin section. Were they in space suits or another ship? Could you clarify?
 * 36) **Clarified, with thanks to QuiGonJinn for the info. ;-) Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:07, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * A few of the WEG sources actually link to a disambig for first and second editions. Could you link to the actual ones, and add in the second editions, etc... unless we have policy otherwise.
 * 38) **I checked them, added in second editions for the two Galaxy Guides. I checked the others, but didn't see anything else at a first glance. Did you have other corrections in mind? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:02, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * I'm fairly certain Lando will be in a number of video game guidebooks. (On a quick look at the source list, I couldn't see any.) These likely include the guides from Demolition, Jedi Outcast, and others...
 * 40) **I've taken care of this one myself.
 * 41) ***I've also tweaked the article with some small tidbits of information. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:56, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Great. --Eyrezer 23:03, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * Lando is in Star Wars: Rebellion (video game), and so also likely Rebellion: Prima's Official Strategy Guide. The game needs to be checked. --Eyrezer 08:27, 22 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **I've talked to Borsk and gotten info from the game. I'll need to work on the guide-it's rather hard to get a hold of. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:57, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ***I've been reliably informed that this source contains no new info. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:20, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * The Return to Cloud City section: "Spotting a chance to divert Lobot's attention from himself to the Imperials..." I don't understand how this is meant to work. How will attacking the trooper's divert Lobot's attention? Secondly, there is only one short paragraph on Star Wars 83: Sweetheart Contract. This should be expanded to the level of detail of the other Marvel comics. --Eyrezer 11:10, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * In the first paragraph of the Black Sun section, it would be good just to add a little half-line regarding Luke. The previous section ends with him left behind, and I know that he has some other adventures/complications. While they don't need to be described, it should mention that Luke has rejoined the Rebels or something.
 * 49) **Sure. Done. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:33, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * Can you explain why Benedict Vidkun attacked them?
 * 51) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:33, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) *I added this pic, but you may prefer this one instead. --Eyrezer 10:57, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * In the Star Wars Technical Journal (Volume One), page 17, it is mentioned that Lando added the quad lasers to the MF. I haven't read down to the ships section yet, but this should be added if not already. --Eyrezer 11:46, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **Adjusted. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 00:45, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Finding Argo and Vanis: context on who Mone is. How was Calrissian and co able to buy it from the Imps without them realizing they were rebels? Wasn't it because Lando disguised himself as Drebble?
 * 56) **Tweaked up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:25, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * In the same section, "There, Calrissian learned that Solo had been delivered to Jabba Desilijic Tiure while undercover on Arcan IV, posing as Drebble." It is not clear who was undercover. Also, the mention of Arcan IV in this sentence is probably unnecessary. You also need to mention how/why Lando already had The Minstrel in his possession.
 * 58) **Fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:25, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * Which member of the gang tried to steal the statue? A number of the members have articles here, and so a link should be added to the appropriate one, or a redlink given.
 * 60) **Fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:25, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * "They then helped Organa board the Falcon and returned to rendezvous with Alliance forces." A bit more info here, please. (Mission to Yinchorr section)
 * 62) **Fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:14, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * You mention Calrissian is fluent in 18 languages. As far as possible, I think these should actually be specified in the Talents and abilities section. From earlier in the bio, we know that one is a Baragwinian trade dialect. Add this there too.
 * 64) **Did some looking around, found a number of specific languages. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:14, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * There needs to be a better conclusion to the Demolition paragraph: "But even that was not enough to impress Jabba and to be placed in the Hutt's palace as a guard". What happened in the competition? Did he win? Presumably we don't know exactly, but we must know something. A mention of other opponents could also be appropriate.
 * 66) **Tweaked, a bit. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Remind me of this one next time we're both in IRC. I have a few questions.
 * 68) * "He was reluctant to abandon Leia to Jabba's mercy, but assured him she would be fine with a quick whisper." There is obviously a word missing here. I was going to add in a "she" but it seems from the next sentence that Leia didn't know it was Lando so it cannot have been her that was reassuring him... --Eyrezer 04:41, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) **This objection was a pain, but after re-checking the radio drama and the novel, there appears to be a bit of a canon conflict. I've adjusted the text and tossed in a ref explaining everything. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ***Sorry to cause you pain :P The change is acceptable.
 * 71) * There needs to be context between para 1 and 2 of the "The Battle of Endor" section, mentioning both the presence of the Star Destroyers, and the functional Death Star laser. I actually feel this and the Hutt guardsman section could do with a polish in terms of language and cohesiveness.
 * 72) **Took a stab at polishing both. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:10, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) *** Page 139 of The New Essential Guide to Weapons and Technology has a quote that might give you another sentence or two to add to the Battle of Endor section, re Lando's interaction with Nein Nunb. --Eyrezer 11:40, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) *** "The Alliance knew that this fight would determine the fate of the war, as they would be engaging the Empire in a battle they had to win." This needs to be rewritten to be clearer as to what you mean. --Eyrezer 02:27, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) *** You also have "upon reversion from hyperspace in two consecutive paragraphs (#2 and #3). The bit about knowing the Emperor would be there, as wellas believing that the laser was inoperational should be before the jamming part, which should also probably be joined with the trap part that comes later. --Eyrezer 02:29, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ****Fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:57, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ***** I'll check this when I get home, but the discovery of the operational Death Star preceeded Lando's suggestion to close with the SDs, right? --Eyrezer 05:11, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ******Yes, and I thought the article had said that. Nevertheless, I tweaked it a bit. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * In "Winning a Bet", Drebble is introduced with no context explaining why he had it in for Lando (or even linked). This should be explained to set up the Mission to the Hunter's World section later on. This also ties in to my objection above about the Finding Argo section... Likewise, this section is poorly connected back to the previous incident with Lemo and Sanda. It is as if both sections were written by different people unaware of what the other had written&mdash;which may actually have been the case. --Eyrezer 11:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) **I think I fixed it up, but did you want me to take a look at the Finding Argo section also? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:54, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * The last paragraph of "Work for the Alliance" is unclear and needs to be rewritten. Ie, all the stuff about Solo's passengers having codes but why they couldn't give it to Solo, who said passengers were, etc. --Eyrezer 05:03, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) **Rewritten. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * Lando gets a page in Handbook 3: Dark Empire. I haven't read up to that section, but I suggest it should be looked over. There is also a pic of him and Wedge that could be useful.
 * 84) **Fixed up, but I don't think we need the pic at the moment. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * While it is in the source list, Escape from Cloud City doesn't seem to be reffed. There is some info in there that would be good for the Bts. --Eyrezer 12:12, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) **Fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * Second battle of Endor section: "Concerned by the fact that he no longer was part of the Alliance's decision making process, he now hoped to be employed as a piloting teacher." This needs some explanation.
 * 88) **Explained. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * I removed a pic from the Second Battle fo Endor section that was misplaced. A new pic that is more appropriate to the text needs to be added.
 * 90) **Added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:18, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * Nagai-Tof war has two sentences in a row beginning with However. Actually this section feels too rushed. It could be expanded to provide more context and so be easier to follow. --Eyrezer 03:00, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) **Did some more expansion, but Lando doesn't do a whole lot on Zeltros besides party and get captured, until MSW 107. Let me know if you want more. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:18, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) * This is for an earlier section - you have consecutive refs for the Galaxywide NewsNets in SWAJ5 in the same paragraph. Is there meant to a different ref in between these? If not, they should be merged. --Eyrezer 03:09, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) **Got confused because it was off of two different parts of the NewsNet. Refs merged. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:18, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * The formation of Lando's Commandos occurs at two separate places. Can the Tales story be set before the NEC incident? Also can the Tales story be expanded? It would also be appropriate to mention how the Trioculus affair concluded and hence the dissolution of SPIN. --Eyrezer 10:53, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) **Checked, moved, expanded, mentioned. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:14, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * The Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds mission to Kashyyyk needs to be expanded. --Eyrezer 04:10, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) **Buffed it some, but it's a pretty open-ended mission, if you've played it. There's a little cutscene with Lando talking at the beginning, then during some point in the battle, he shows up in the MF with Rogue Squadron. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Nomad City section: "He was wounded in the attack" - who was?
 * 100) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) * "The mole-miners, packed with boarding teams, had been ordered into a large number of New Republic ships" Ordered into? This is pretty unclear. I presume you are meaning they attacked the NR ships by drilling into them...
 * 102) **Yes. Clarified. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * "Calrissian refused to believe that Solo and Skywalker would go on their mission without him, though, and coaxed the news from Solo that he might be able to arrange a deal for metals from Nkllon on New Cov if he stayed with him. Calrissian then reluctantly decided to join Solo and Skywalker." Can you clarify this bit?
 * 104) **Sure. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * "aided Skywalker by translating for him" Do we know what language? If so, it could be added to the P&T section. (I'm not suggesting the language needs to be addded to this section itself.
 * 106) **It's Rodian. I added that to his Talents section when you made your initial language objection about the Baragwinian trade dialect. Did you want it in P&T also? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) ***No that's fine. I checked the refs, but I must have been looking for the wrong source.
 * 108) * "In the race to reach the lost Dreadnaught fleet" This paragraph begins with there being a race, but it has not yet been established that the Empire is aware of the Katana fleet. Can you modify this a bit so that it flows better? Also, here, the mention of Mara Jade should build on her earlier mention on Myrkr.
 * 109) **Fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) * I added a pic of Nomad City to the start of this section. I think another image from the comic adaption would be good, too. Perhaps one of lando in action on Myrkr. --Eyrezer 04:45, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) **Xicer9 added one. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) * "During the resurrection of Emperor Palpatine in 10 ABY," a better introduction to this section, please. --Eyrezer 08:42, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) **Rephrased.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:57, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) ***I expanded it more to what I had in mind. --Eyrezer 03:38, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) * This is a nasty one. I see from below that originally the Shadows of the Empire part was in the middle of the Marvel. You moved it because there seemed to be no discernible reason for it to be there. Well, there just may be one... in regard to Marvel 67, a poster on tfn points out "Interestingly enough, it just occurs to me that Shadows of the Empire must have already taken place before any of these Marvel stories because I realize Luke has a lightsaber and he constructed it in the start of that story." If Luke does construct a LS in SOTE, this seems a fair point. Can you check either way? It could do with a Bts explaining the placement if it gets moved back. --Eyrezer 09:33, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) **Negative. That part referenced below is the Evolutions segment, not actual SOTE. The SOTE segment is where it is because of NEC, which places the events of SOTE right after the Battle of the City of Bone in Marvel 69. If anything, I'll need to move the Trouble on Stenos section to before SOTE, but I want to check a few more sources before I do so. NEC also places the events of SOTE before the events of "Finding Argo and Vanis." As unfortunate as that may be for your TFN poster, we're going to have to assume that, in the same line as the Tydirium nonsense, Luke had more than one "new" lightsaber. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 04:57, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) ***So according to NEC, its:
 * 118) ****Star Wars 69: Death in the City of Bone (The Business on Bazarre section)
 * 119) ****Shadows of the Empire (Encounter with Black Sun)
 * 120) ****Star Wars 71: Return to Stenos (Finding Argo and Vanis)
 * 121) ****Leaving it unclear only whether Star Wars 70: The Stenax Shuffle (Trouble on Stenos) goes before or after SOTE? --Eyrezer 05:46, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) *****Yep, that's pretty much it. Let me do some more research and get back to you. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:23, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) ******Star Wars 70, 71 take place before SOTE, according to NEGTC. It's Marvel 73 that's the Argo and Vanis bit, which I'm saying is where the Marvels pick up after SOTE. The presence of Dani makes it sort of interesting, but I guess she was hanging out while Lando and Co. did SOTE&mdash;canon explicitly gives the timeline for the Stenos and Argo and Vanis stuff, and SOTE is between them. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:44, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 124) *******Ok. Seeing as it is a combination of using NEGTC and NEC that determines exactly where SOTE falls in the Marvel line, please add a footnote to this effect. --Eyrezer 05:38, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) ********Ref'd in several places explaining the arrangement. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) * Empire Reborn section: "However, Skywalker was unwilling to leave the planet." Can you add why this was?
 * 127) **Done. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 23:30, 14 July 2009 (UTC)-->
 * 128) * "Calrissian then informed the New Republic leaders about a cargo of large X-1 Viper war droids" This paragraph could do with some expansion and context. Firstly, what is the connection between this scene and the end of DEI? It doesn't seem to be immediately after Mon Cal, so a sentence about the overall war would place it in context. Secondly, does Calrissian suggest infiltrating the Vipers? Explain why they want to attack Byss, etc.
 * 129) **Significantly fixed up. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 22:39, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) * The next paragraph also needs more context than "later". Perhaps explain a bit about what the Eclipse II was. Also what the Galaxy Gun was. At the moment this paragraph is far too bare bones.
 * 131) **I think I've corrected the issues here. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 22:39, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * Significant improvements to this section. The last thing I think it needs as overall context is the fact that the Emperor was finally defeated on the surface of Onderon. Similar to Thrawn's death, while not immediately related to Lando, it is a significant event that would give closure to this section. --Eyrezer 10:49, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 133) **Touched up with a contextifying sentence. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 05:20, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) * Kessel investment: wasn't Lando bored, which is why he helped Luke's search? --Eyrezer 00:40, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 135) **I clarified it&mdash;he wasn't so much bored as he was out of work. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:53, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) Toprawa:
 * 137) *I realize I promised you the ESB RD script notes, but until that time, here's the objection for their missing info.
 * 138) *Also, you're missing info from the ROTJ radio drama/script.
 * 139) **Can you be a little more specific about which parts? I gave it a listen when Hydro made his initial ESB objection, and while I don't have the script, I did add info from the radio drama. Was there something in particular you were looking for? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 22:32, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) ***Sure. I'm in the process of listening to it now for my article purposes, so I might add to this, but two things that strike me as pertinent are the scene in which he first approaches Leia in Jabba's palace to reveal himself, meaning that not everyone in the Save Han group knew how he had gotten in and where he was; and secondly the scene in which they first leave Tatooine, they're forced escape past an Imperial blockade. Lando just sits in the Falcon ' s cockpit and doesn't do anything but talk, but a mention would be appropriate, I feel. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 141) ***While en route to the Rebel fleet from Tatooine, Lando and the group help sooth Threepio's hurt feelings about not being privy to the specifics of the rescue Han plan. They talk about Corellian Overdrive, and Lando goes on to fix Threepio's damaged photoreceptor. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:46, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 142) ***There's actually a lot more to that scene. Han and Lando talk about how the Falcon was in Lando's possession during Han's carbonite days, etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 143) ****ROTJ radio drama has been located, listened to, and the article updated appropriately. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 144) *Including "TCG: Return of the Jedi" and "The Empire Strikes Back (TCG)" in the Source list just isn't good enough, I'm afraid. Moreover, I see only a single CCG card in that entire Source list, which tells me you haven't really scoured these cards for new information. You'd be surprised to find some new tidbits here and there. I realize there are probably dozens upon dozens of cards with Lando info on them, but if you're going to include one, you need to include them all. Yes, I know it sucks, and it's hard work, but this is an FA. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:20, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 145) **"if you're going to include one, you need to include them all." Does this mean I just get away with removing that one? :-P ^_^ (lol, jk). No, in all seriousness, you're absolutely right. I've done all the CCG cards, and I'll let you know when I get the radio stuff and TCG ones added in. I'm going to be kind of busy until the end of the week due to RL though. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:40, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 146) ***5 and a half dozen TCG and CCG cards added to source list? Is that better? Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:01, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 147) QuiGon:
 * 148) * No info from The Gambler's Quest.
 * 149) **I've added a short paragraph myself based on what was written in the plot summary for this comic. I think it's sufficient. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 15:57, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 150) * Some things are missing in the appearances list. Mighty Chronicles adaptations, Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back Mobile, Super Star Wars series, etc. QuiGonJinn Be mindful of the Living Force...Quigonheadshot.jpg 17:54, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) **Took care of it myself per Ataru's request. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:43, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 152) * More missing info from N.R.I. Reports. Small tidbits about Lando requesting aid from the Senate. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:30, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) **Added. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:58, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 154) * Are you sure that the "Black Sun coup" section should go between the Marvel stories? It would make much more sense to place it after the Nagai-Tof war. All Marvel stories are linked to each other pretty tight and there is no gap in the plot for SotE: Evolution to take place. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:53, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 155) **After some research, I've seen no reason to leave the layout as is, and the Black Sun coup is now placed after the Marvel sections. Seems to make more sense that way. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:56, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 156) * "The Mindharp of Sharu" section. Context on Jabba.
 * 157) * Also, context needed on Darth Vader and Luke upon first mentions in the "Trap at Cloud City"" section.
 * 158) * Explain what was so important in Luke that Vader set a trap for him.
 * 159) * Same section."Especially after the disappearance of C-3PO" Provide some context on what really happened to him. Then mention somewhere in this section that 3PO was recovered, because as it is now, it left me under the impression that the droid was still missing when Lando and the others left Bespin.
 * 160) * Same section again. "in pursuit of the Millennium Falcon and its Rebel crew". Mention that it was Han who has joined the Rebels, because it can be interpreted as if some unknown Rebels have acquired the ship.
 * 161) * Mention that Lando flirted with Leia and/or add it to the relationships.
 * 162) **All of QuiGon's objections up through this have been fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 163) * The "Skywalker's affliction" section. Context on Domina Tagge.
 * 164) * Same section. "which Darth Vader had falsely accused Luke of being responsible for". Rephrase. Yes, Vader did falsely accuse Luke the first time, but then Skywalker killed Tagge for real in issue 37, even if he did it by accident.
 * 165) * "Finding Argo and Vanis" section. Last sentence: "but were apparently unable to find anything." Unsourced.
 * 166) * Same section. Context on the second Death Star.
 * 167) * Linking problems. Jabba is linked in both "The Mindharp of Sharu" and "Mission to Blimph 3" sections, while the second Death Star is not linked at all upon the first mention in "Finding Argo and Vanis", but is instead linked in "The Battle of Endor"; and the link is that of the Death Star in general instead of Death Star II. Check other links.
 * 168) * "Near-death experience on Godo". Context on Bey.
 * 169) * Mention that Lumiya changed sides and allied herself with Tofs. And that she was shot on Saijo.
 * 170) **All of these should be fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 171) * Stay tuned. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 21:01, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 172) * "Nomad City". Context on Ecclessis Figg, ysalamiri. Also, why Thrawn needed the ysalamiri?
 * 173) * "Karrde hid the two former generals" Next sentence:"As such, the two former generals". Repetitive, rephrase.
 * 174) * "Karrde knew that was where Skywalker, who had escaped from his custody, and his pursuer, a woman named Mara Jade, would flee to, and that the Empire would find them and realize that Karrde had not turned over Skywalker to them." Maybe it's just me, but this sentence seems weird.
 * 175) **I've finally understood what this sentence says and I think I had some difficulty with it because of the missing "that". I've added it myself.
 * 176) * "After trekking through kilometers of forest, fending off predators, the party received when some Noghri commandos". Received what?
 * 177) **Everything from "Nomad City" down to here has been fixed. Although, Figg was already contextified. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 178) ***I'm sorry, but I haven't seen any context. You didn't say who Figg was. I've added it myself, just to show you what I wanted in the first place. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:45, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 179) ****I figured that saying that Figg was the one who first built Cloud City was sufficient context, but I have no problems with your change. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:56, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 180) * "Palpatine reborn": "Unbeknownst to Calrissian, Skywalker had fallen to the dark side of the Force, and was in fact commanding the Imperial fleet". Mention that prior to that, he gave the codes to Artoo.
 * 181) * Same section. Mention that Skywalker was redeemed after all.
 * 182) **I think Chack fixed these a couple days ago when he reworked that section. :-) Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:37, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 183) * "Run-in with the Imperial Remnant" Context on Reelo Baruk.
 * 184) * After the events of Jedi Outcast that happened in 12 ABY you mention the events of Planet of Twilight as happening the same year, yet the latter is placed here on Wook in 13 ABY. I don't know if it is really a mistake, because I haven't read the book.
 * 185) * "Tag and Bink". Context on Tag.
 * 186) **Last three fixed. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:52, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 187) *I guess that's all. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:57, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 188) * One more thing. Is there nothing to add from Ord Vaxal: Prison Planet of the Empire? QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 14:19, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 189) **According to Jaymach via IRC, he's only pictured in it. I've tagged the source appropriately. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 190) From Ataru
 * 191) **I'm aware that there are redlink problems and image arrangements. I will fix those once Eyre's and Hydro's objections regarding content are satisfied. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 17:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 192) Jinzler
 * 193) * The Star Wars Annual 2009 reveals that Lando made a few message recordings that were stored in R2-D2. He made one aboard the Falcon, telling the events of ESB up to his departure from Bespin. He recorded another two messages while on Endor, about the battle there --Jinzler 12:39, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 194) **All fixed, thanks for the info. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:31, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 195) You need way more context for the events surrounding the Second Galactic Civil War.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 20:15, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 196) *I've added more context to it. Let me know if that's good enough, or if you want more. Since Calrissian was only peripherally involved for the most part, I didn't want to go too deep into it. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 15:56, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 197) **No, that's exactly the kind of context I was looking for. I'm striking the objection, although I will sucggest a rewording of "Calrissian remained with his expecting wife through the remainder of the war, which resulted in the death of Jacen Solo at the hands of the Jedi Order." just because it sounds a little like Lando being with his wife resulted in Jacen's death. Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 22:49, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not a formal objection, but there's space for a lot more quotes in the article. Yrfeloran 04:13, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Who portrayed Lando in Dark Forces: Soldier for the Empire audio drama? Mauser 13:48, 1 February 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm voting for it!!!!!!!!
 * Will give a full Outcast update as soon as I can. I'll busy through the weekend and Monday, though, but next week, I hope to get that and some more of the sourcebooks done. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:06, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
 * I apologize for the confusion, but when I voted months ago it wasn't because I had read it; it was just because I wanted to see it featured. If I do review it, I'll vote, but not for now.  CC7567  (talk) 18:16, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Brianna

 * Nominated by: 01:42, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As recommended, trying for FA after GA success.

(3 Inqs/6 Users/9 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 06:52, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 22:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 05:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:32, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  OLIOSTER  Sith_Emblem.svg 00:53, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:38, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) –Victor  Sienar.svg (talk page ) 03:37, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Looks good -  Skypopper (HoloNet Transmission) 18:08, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Per Skypopper. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:02, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) \.:*§:_JadenKorr13_:§*:./ 22:58, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) LordDeathRay  (My Sith Holocron)  01:22, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Oppose <!--#* Is it known whether Brianna was given into her father's custody before or after Kae was exiled? --Eyrezer 08:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Preliminaries for that promised review:
 * 2) * A fair lot of the sections need to be further divided up. "Playing as a male Exile" in particular is one of the most exhaustively long sections I've ever seen.
 * 3) **Hopefully accomplished.
 * 4) ***"Early life" and "Travels with the Exile" should probably have subsections. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "Travels with the Exile" deserves a quote, preferably something about the Exile from Brianna's own dialog.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * The "Masters" field of the infobox could be filled out a little more expansively and creatively.
 * 9) **Done
 * 10) ***Remember to list chronologically. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * File:Lasthandmaiden.jpg is a pretty terrible image and could use a recapture.
 * 12) * Another image could probably be snagged to be fit into the BtS section; while something appropriate to the subject matter is preferable, general Brianna pictures shouldn't be any trouble, either.
 * 13) * Linking really needs to be gone over. Have pipelinking in mind (the missions, for example). Also, in particular I noticed some glaring omissions in the links for the BtS.
 * 14) **I believe this has been handled.
 * 15) * Graestan ( Talk ) 05:14, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 17) * Please check the Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia for information.
 * 18) **According to Doluk, who has the CSWE, this is the entirety of Brianna's article, and the info has already been incorporated in the article: "An Echani Handmaiden who served the Jedi Knight Atris almost 4,000 years before the Battle of Yavin. She was the daughter of politician Yusanis and Jedi Master Arren Kae, veterans of the Mandalorian Wars. Brianna was born with evidence of her parents' infidelity and bore the stigma of this indiscretion. Brianna stole the freighter Ebon Hawk from Telos IV."
 * 19) ***At least put it in the source list. Why not source something to it, also, for good measure? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:03, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Done.
 * 21) * Please arrange the source list by publication date.
 * 22) **Check.
 * 23) * Reference tags number three and six appear to be identical. Please merge them.
 * 24) **Check.
 * 25) * "Brianna was the daughter of a forbidden love affair" – Agreement issues. Please rephrase. Also, "affair" is used a bit repetitively.
 * 26) **Check.
 * 27) * Please explain Kae's exile. How? From what?
 * 28) **Check.
 * 29) * The tense gets all wonky after this. Lose all the "woulds" and get back to normal, narrative past tense.
 * 30) **Check.
 * 31) * Mandalorian Wars needs context.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "the responsibilities of his other five daughters and Brianna" – Somewhat vague. Please be more explicit.
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * "The two" sounds odd after you speak of three people in the previous sentence.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * The Echani probably need some context. When you speak of Revan destabilizing them, it sounds odd, as they are presented simply, as if only a species, before this.
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) * Revan needs to be set up as the DLotS before referring to him offhand as such.
 * 40) **Done.
 * 41) * "brought under service to" – Please clean up the syntax.
 * 42) **Done.
 * 43) ***I fixed the new "were entered the service of." Graestan ( Talk ) 03:03, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * "Masters of the Jedi Civil War" – This is somewhat confusing. Please be more specific.
 * 45) **Done.
 * 46) * Mentioning Brianna's ignorance of her own Force sensitivity during her time with Atris would be helpful.
 * 47) **Done.
 * 48) * Okay, was Yusanis married when he had the fling with Kae? You don't mention it, but go on to talk about his infidelity later.
 * 49) **Check.
 * 50) * I'm going to stop right here. I haven't even looked at the intro. Please take everything I've said here, and go back through the article vigorously, applying all the sorts of things I've pointed out. I'll resume the review once the previous objections have been rectified. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:18, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Graestan's Unlimited Mercilessness: I wasn't kidding about the statement in the last round. I tried to keep going through, and came up with like five context and other content-related objections in a couple of sentences. Please, please go through the rest of the article; the types of things I'm going to object to are the ones I already have.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:15, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Cylka:
 * 53) * More context is needed regarding her parents Yusanis and Arren Kae. Avoid mentioning Kreia this early because it will be somewhat difficult to give her context at this point.
 * 54) * More context is needed on Atris when she is introduced. Who was she, why was she there, and so on.
 * 55) * Same for the Telosian Jedi Academy when it is first introduced. You need to add in why it was built, what was stored there, etc.
 * 56) * More context on the destruction of Peragus and how the Exile and the Ebon Hawk were involved. Also explain why the ship was impounded and the companions detained by TSF.
 * 57) * More context on who the Exile when she is first introduced.
 * 58) * A bit of context as to how they tracked the Hawk to the hidden Academy and make sure to mention all of the companions.
 * 59) * The Exile agreed to Kreia's request so as to avoid a conflict - this needs more context. It is a bit arbitrary as it stands now. Cylka  -talk- 23:26, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) **Have dealt with the objections up to here so far.
 * 61) * Brianna and the Exile have a long conversation with each other in the Academy. This should be explained in greater detail.
 * 62) **Addressed.
 * 63) * More context is needed on the mission to find the Jedi Masters. Why were they on that mission in the first place and why was it important.
 * 64) **Also addressed.
 * 65) * A bit more information is needed on Atris's fall to the dark side.
 * 66) **Done.
 * 67) * Some more context is needed to the final battle at Malachor V. Cylka  -talk- 10:20, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) **Also done.
 * 69) * The paragraphs in the P&A are a bit short. Either try flesh them out a bit, or maybe combine them.
 * 70) **Done.
 * 71) * In the first part of the Bts, the paragraphs are too short. Combining them would probably be a good idea.
 * 72) **Done.
 * 73) * The playing as a male exile section is too long and much of the information is redundant. Instead of repeating the same information that is in the body, maybe just a paragraph or two explaining the differences will suffice. A lot of the information in this section can be integrated into the main body since we know that Brianna traveling with the Exile is canon. It seems to me that only the romance needs to stay in the Bts.
 * 74) **Addressed.
 * 75) * The romance with a male Exile needs to be expanded a bit more. You should include her jealous interactions with Visas Marr.
 * 76) **Done.
 * 77) * Brianna also had a Handmaiden's staff. You should try to fit that in somewhere.
 * 78) **Done.
 * 79) *The article is well on it's way. It just has a bit too little information in some areas, and a bit too much redundancy in others. But it's looking good! Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 20:08, 6 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Four Dot:
 * 81) * "Brianna eventually received Jedi training from the Exile and become known as one of the Lost Jedi, resulting in a forced fight between Brianna, her sisters and former master." - Forced fight? This is confusing. Perhaps this should be elaborated upon in the intro, which would beef it up and allow it to be split into two paragraphs.
 * 82) **I elaborated a bit to make the info a bit more clear, but I don't think it's quite enough for two paragraphs.
 * 83) ***I split it myself, but if you don't like how it looks, feel free to switch it back. And that reads much better now. Thefourdotelipsis 06:57, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) ***It looks fine to me, I just wasn't sure if that was what you were looking for.
 * 85) * "The offspring of Echani parents were perceived as being identical in appearance to anyone who was not of the Echani, presumably favoring the physical characteristics of their parent of the same sex. Because of this Brianna looked different from the other handmaidens, taking the genetic characteristics of her Jedi mother." - This seems like a bit of a given to me, and can perhaps be stated more economically.
 * 86) **Ok, hopefully this is a bit better.
 * 87) ***I understand the significance better now. Good. Thefourdotelipsis 02:56, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * There are times where it feels as though you are straying away from Brianna's story to tell the story of The Sith Lords. This is obviously necessary, but it generally feels like you are telling the Exile's story at these points, and Brianna's story is momentarily abandoned. You should probably take a look at these segments and try and tweak them more towards Brianna's perspective. Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) **I tweaked it a little bit, but since I'm not sure which segments you meant specifically, feel free to point them out if I missed them.
 * 90) ***I think you've fixed the major one. Looking back, the other bits that gave me pause are probably going to have to stay that way. Thefourdotelipsis 22:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) From the Pasta Bowl of Fiolli&hellip;
 * 92) * "Atris hoped to revive the Jedi Order after most of the other Jedi had been killed by the Sith on Katarr&hellip;" The conclave needs context. It was not part of the Jedi Civil War and that is what ends the sentence and paragraph prior.
 * 93) **I a bit of detail on this.
 * 94) * "Brianna confessed that she was the only one of her sisters who did not doubt the Exile's battle prowess and that she was often distracted by the Jedi teachings Atris had rescued and stored at the academy." This sentence does not make sense. Please clarify.
 * 95) **Clarified.
 * 96) * "&hellip;and was seemingly satisfied by the answers both the Exile and Kreia provided." The word 'seemingly' is speculative and OR unless that word or a direct synonym is stated in canon. Drawing this conclusion from some of the cutscenes in the game are tenuous at best.
 * 97) **Removed.
 * 98) * "After the duel, Brianna pledged undying allegiance to the Exile, renouncing her title of Last of the Handmaidens, and embracing her true name." This is a great sentence and plot point, but it has no context earlier in the article. Something about Brianna's identity crisis should be mentioned earler.
 * 99) **Added an earlier mention.
 * 100) * "Traya had also manipulated the Sith into attacking Citadel Station." What does this sentence have to do with Brianna? It makes no sense in a paragraph about Malachor.
 * 101) **This sentence was just out of place I think.
 * 102) * "Brianna aided the Exile and the Telos Security Force in fending off the Sith assault on Citadel Station before joining the Exile in pursuit of Traya to Malachor V." This sentence shifts the focus too far away from Malachor. Please shuffle this paragraph to keep a more better flow.
 * 103) **Hopefully this is a bit better.
 * 104) *** I think I know what you were trying to do, but now the middle part does not make sense to me. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) ****I shifted things around a little. 02:37, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) * Is there no unique information from the Campaign Guide?
 * 107) **I don't think there is any particularly noteworthy info from the Guide, but if anyone who actually has it can prove me wrong, I'd be glad to make the additions.
 * 108) *** I do not have it handy, but I would be surprised if there is nothing new in it. See if anyone on IRC has it around. I will try to dig it up in the coming days, too, but please see what others say. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ****I see that it has been added by other Inqs. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:38, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:22, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) Darth Trayus
 * 112) * For all the information presented in the body of the article, the introduction is astoundingly short. Expand a bit.
 * 113) **Expanded. 18:10, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * Nowhere in the article does it say where the Jedi Masters were found, only where they were gathered. Include mentions of Nar Shadaa, Korriban, Onderon, and the fact that Vrook was already on Dantooine.
 * 115) **Mentioned. 18:10, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 20:15, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) Eyrezer:
 * 1) **Details on Brianna's early life aren't very specific, so it's not really clear who took care of her before Kae's exile. 18:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * Was her father a politician before the Mandalorian Wars or only after?
 * 3) **Only after, I've clarified that point. 18:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * It says Brianna was ordered to sneak aboard, then that Rand vocally objected to allowing a spy to travel with them. How did they discover her on the ship?
 * 5) **Also clarified. 18:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Kreia eventually informed the Exile of Brianna's heritage, but cautioned her against training the handmaiden" I think this sentence is redundant considering you go on to retell the encounter in the next paragraph in more detail.
 * 7) **I see your point, sentence deleted. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "sparring without clothes; Brianna conceded that bulkier clothes would be more practical." Is this without clothes or all, or is it more that the Echani do not use armor?
 * 9) **Clarified. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "During this time, Kreia sent a message to Atris through the Force" What is the connection between Kreia and Atris?
 * 11) **The game never specifies a connection between the two, Kreia just suddenly sends a telepathic message. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Kreia revealed that she had been manipulating the Exile all along" Revealed this to who?
 * 13) **Clarified. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "There, the Exile had lost her connection to the Force" When did this happen?
 * 15) **I mention in the preceding sentence that it happened during the last battle of the Mandalorian Wars. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)--Eyrezer 08:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***"The Exile had learned from Atris that the Sith had gone to a secret academy on Malachor V". Is 'the Sith' referring to Traya in this sentence?
 * 17) ****Replaced to specify Traya.
 * 18) * "and teach future Padawans of the Jedi who gave up the Force, and became better for it." Is she teaching Padawans about those Jedi that gave up the Force, or is it the "Padawans of the Jedi"? It's a bit ambiguous.
 * 19) **Clarified. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * This bit about her having a sense of humor seems a bit dubious to me... It doesn't really seem like a joke to me, and the following sentence seems to back that up. As a martial arts expert she probably knew how to incapacitate people by a strike to the neck.
 * 21) **This was based on her tone when saying this sentence which seemed to imply her attempting a joke, which I hope is enough basis. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Seems pretty ify/OR to me. I'd prefer it was removed.
 * 23) ****Alright, no problem.
 * 24) * "There were records that indicated she slew Darth Nihilus although the accuracy of these records is questionable" What are these records? As this is the Bts, just come right out and state the source.
 * 25) **Stated. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Can you add something to the bio about the NJO's remembering her deeds etc as per JvS? --Eyrezer 05:20, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Done. 03:22, 18 June 2009 (UTC)-->
 * 28) *"If Brianna joins the Exile and then falls to the dark side" Can you make it clearer in the Bts when and why Brianna might go to the dark side? Does it depend on the player going to the dark side? If so, it might be appropriate to have a subsection for the Dark side ending, similar to Alternative storyline section in the Jedi Exile's article.
 * 29) **Ok, I enhanced this part a bit. 22:39, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) * I see that Brianna is mentioned in Jedi vs Sith. As this is an in-universe document, can you add a few sentences about how she was remembered, including possible ambiguity. See the final section of the Darth Bandon article for the kind of thing I have in mind. --Eyrezer 10:23, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Hopefully accomplished. 02:19, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ***I changed the ref and placed it outside the Game completion template. --Eyrezer 00:12, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 5) * Is there something you can link to for her final "confrontation" in the intro?
 * 6) **Since there isn't an article for the duel in the academy, the closest thing I could probably link to would be the Battle of Telos IV, if that's the sort of thing you're looking for.
 * 7) * "Yusanis, a master combatant of the Republic world of Echani, was married to another woman to whom he had five daughters, while Kae, as a member of the Jedi Order was forbidden to form strong attachments; despite these restrictions, the couple began a secret relationship, risking their status by continuing to meet." Run-on.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) * AFAIK, Echani is not a planet. Please rectify or point the link to the proper destination. You also later refer to it as a planet in the context of Revan's conquest.
 * 10) **The Echani homeworld is listed as Eshan in the article, but the article is a redlink and lacks a source, so I'm unsure as the its validity, but I'll use it for now.
 * 11) ***It has since been confirmed to be unreliable, and the article now refers to the Echani Homeworld instead.
 * 12) * "was holding suspects who had recently arrived in the system" Suspects of what?
 * 13) **Clarified.
 * 14) * "Atris was unaware that the new owner of the ship was a former friend" Friend of Atris, or Brianna?
 * 15) **Clarified.
 * 16) * "a former–Sith assassin" misused dash, methinks. Please clean this up a bit.
 * 17) **Dash removed.
 * 18) * "With her acceptance" Unclear antecedent.
 * 19) **Fixed. 20:58, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "her interest in these artifacts eventually led to her taking the position of Jedi historian" This is only a prediction. Please clarify that.
 * 21) **Clarified. 20:58, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Brianna tended to view things in terms of black and white, and argued with the Exile over some of her decisions" Clarify, expound, and possibly move this sentence to another paragraph. It doesn't fit well in its current location.
 * 23) **Clarified. 19:04, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * " without any visible issues" reword.
 * 25) **Reworded.
 * 26) * "As with a female Exile, at some point the Exile asked Brianna to teach her Echani fighting techniques," Uh . . . this doesn't happen in-game with a female Exile. Add a ref or remove the bit about "As with a . . ." because it's quite obvious to me that this isn't possible with a female exile.
 * 27) **Yeah I missed that one. Fixed. 19:04, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *I agree with 4dot that more pictures wouldn't be amiss, but I'll refrain from making an actual objection about it. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:42, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just a suggestion: Surely more images can be found for illustration purposes. Screenshots from the game will suffice. Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 17 April 2009 (UTC)


 * There really needs to be a "conflicting cannon tag line at the top of the article. The game itself (playing as the canon female character conflicts with the Essential guide to the force and the Minatures' information.  This is a conflict...the later references do not supercede the actual canon game story line.  It should have a header at the top of the article, not just the BTS discussion...Also the conflict should have its own subsection in BTS.  IthinkIwannaLeia  WaddaUthink?  01:23, 6 July 2009 (UTC)


 * Trivia question: Was this the first article ever at Wookieepedia, as said here? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:34, 9 July 2009 (UTC)


 * Just a small update letting everyone know that I'm still here. I'm just waiting for a some clarification from Eyrezer on his objections. 01:18, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Remove nomination (Inquisitorius vote only)
 * 1)  I'm calling this one derailed.  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:42, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm back after an admittedly lengthy absence and started working on the article again yesterday. Just letting you know! 22:11, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Keep nomination
 * 1) At least for the time being. I think it can be salvaged. Fair warning to the nominator, though: I'll be easily swayed if nothing is done. Thefourdotelipsis 06:34, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Teth

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:29, 10 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The second (and admittedly, much more tedious) part of TCW film.

(4 Inq/8 Users/12 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 09:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Well done, CC. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:48, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  The Flash  {talk} 05:03, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Well, despite all his failings, Darth Vatrir does deserve some thanks, he was the one who changed this article from a stub to a fully comprehensive one. Jensaarai 16:39, 17 June 2009 (UTC)'
 * 5) --Clone Commander Lee 17:48, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) --Kreivi Wolter 18:48, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:04, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Great work. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:14, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9)  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:34, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10)  JangFett  Talk 21:34, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) User:Capt.Scout Officer report 17:59, 6 Aug 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Almost done here. :)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:53, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Four Dot
 * 2) * The "Kenobi vs. Ventress" section gets a bit too PBP in parts. Condense just a wee bit.
 * 3) **Addressed, hopefully; if you think that it can be cut down more, please let me know.
 * 4) * "The battle appeared in the Star Wars: The Clone Wars film, which served as the basis to the 2008 television series." - Not entirely true. The film was cut together from what were intended to be episodes, as you go on to state.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * While I was OK with it on the Christophsis article since it was a track name, I don't think the Kevin Kiner mention really has a place in the BTS here.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) *Otherwise, really quite solid work. Thefourdotelipsis 14:11, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thankies.  CC7567  (talk) 16:01, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Clone Commander Lee
 * 11) * Sergeant Hez misses in the commanders section.
 * 12) **I know that he had a squad, but I'm checking this later.
 * 13) ***Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 03:18, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Was Hawk really officially killed ? If please give a source.
 * 15) **It's already properly sourced. "The Hidden Enemy" episode guide confirmed him to be the pilot of the destroyed gunship, and the deleted scene appeared in the novel. Both are sourced.
 * 16) ***Lee, if you're not going to strike this, please at least state why so that I can fix it.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * There were 3 OOM command battle droids on Teth. The page for Nr.1 does exist. Nr.2 is actually Nr.3. The real Nr. 2 was shot by Rex as the droid talked to Ventress.
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) * Cause all droids on Teth were destroyed. Nr.3 (here Nr.2) of the OOM commanders was destroyed.
 * 20) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 18:14, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Otherwise good. --Clone Commander Lee 17:50, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Rancor
 * 23) * Should it be mentioned in infobox that there was third side, the wild Rancor? I tried to add it myself, but I accidently removed few sources, so I didn't save it... --Kreivi Wolter 14:54, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Added.  CC7567  (talk) 16:05, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) I would definitely remove the rancor as a faction involved in the battle. Thats just silly.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 20:28, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Eh, fair enough.  CC7567  (talk) 06:00, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Check the Star Wars PocketModel TCG. I remember seeing a "Battle of Teth" card there, but I'm too lazy to check it myself :P Also, some of the other cards use screenshots that are taken from the Teth part of the film, but I'm not sure how to treat them in this case. Myself, I would go with, but I guess it's up to you.  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 21:36, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *The only one I've found is "Jedi deflection"; I can't see any others with screenshots from the battle.  CC7567  (talk) 06:00, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **How about this one for example? There's more in the Clone Wars expansion. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 08:38, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Bah. You're welcome to check them, but I...don't recommend it. Do we actually have a policy that says we have to list every specific card?  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I suppose so, since all FAs and GAs that I've seen list every specific card. I agree that this does look a bit unsightly here, though. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:54, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****I'm just going to remove them already and list the expansion set names. Plainly speaking, this many cards makes it look hideous, and I can't see the use of indicating every specific card in this situation.  CC7567  (talk) 06:36, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) JMAS
 * 8) * A very minor objection while perusing the article: The quote for the pit fight I think needs to be trimmed. Without the preceding part of Rex calling him Anakin, there's no way for the casual reader to understand why Anakin suddenly realizes it's Ventress after that single line of We held the droids. What's your location?. I'd recommend cutting Rex's line and changing it to a "Dialogue2" template with just Anakin and Ahsoka. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 15:20, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Once I can check the movie again, I might be able to find a better quote, but that should do for now.  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Actually, I think the quote you have is very well suited to the section. I've just recently watched the movie and I honestly couldn't think of any better quote/dialogue to use, especially given that the pit fight was deleted from the film. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:34, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *Outstanding work. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 15:20, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Fett
 * 13) * Hey CC, in the "prelude" section, I see "However, they were captured and decapitated, and their heads were sent back to the crime lord." Did any source say who captured the bounty hunters?
 * 14) **No, hence why there isn't more info there.  CC7567  (talk) 21:24, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * After reading your current GAN, Hawk, I see a minor error within the "Republic reinforcements" section in Teth. You state that Skywalker and Tano singled Hawk's gunship, however a vulture droid destroyed the gunship. In the novel, they did singled for a gunship but it was not identified as Hawk's. The way the sentence is set up sounds like Hawk died in his gunship after the vulture droid destroyed it, however it is unknown if Hawk died.
 * 16) **Fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 21:24, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * JangFett  Talk 20:01, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Gha Nachkt

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:27, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This droid is worth more, I get paid more.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total/INQCON 5)
Support > JangFett  Talk 15:45, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) I forgot to vote when I struck the objections. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 16:31, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:58, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 20:29, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:18, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) User:Capt.Scout Officer report 14:23, 2 Aug 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:55, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 17:54, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The clone
 * 2) * A note for the future: I'm seeing several unnecessary capitalizations. Titles are not capitalized unless they address the person bearing the title, i.e. "General Grievous" (and "the General of the Confederacy, Grievous" is an incorrect capitalization). I've changed them; please address in future noms.
 * 3) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I believe you misunderstood what I meant. "General Grievous" is fine, but "the General of the Confederacy, Grievous", is not. I've corrected this, but please refer to the Manual of Style more in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * I'm noticing both overlinking and underlinking throughout the article. Articles need to be linked once they first appear, and at no other points unless extremely necessary. Also, several links were to redirects; please try to link to the articles themselves, not redirect pages. I corrected what I saw, but please go through the article again.
 * 6) **Care to point out what's left, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***There's nothing I can really say except to please run through it again. I'll go through it when I review it with more scrutiny soon, but for now, all I can say is to check it. There's not any specific advice I can give for this; it would be better if you can correct.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * In the infobox, the episode isn't the best source for Nachkt's species. I would recommend changing it to the episode guides (if they have it) or the Visual Guide.
 * 9) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "During the Clone Wars" is used twice in the intro; way too redundant. I would suggest removing context for the war, as it's a bit unneeded at this point.
 * 11) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Remains" of what?
 * 13) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Nachkt worked with the foreman of a former Republic commerce guild, the Techno Union, Wat Tambor, at one point in time." Context messes this up; please at least remove the context for the Techno Union to make it flow better.
 * 15) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Still there; please just remove the context for the Techno Union. It's not appropriate at this point, since the current sentence flow is extremely choppy.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Argente was affiliated with the Techno Union? Factual error, I believe. He was the Corporate Alliance Magistrate; I haven't seen anything to prove that he was affiliated otherwise.
 * 18) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "Nachkt’s scavenging meant": scavenging can't "mean" anything unless he analyzed it; please reword.
 * 20) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "Nachkt’s scavenging meant he found an astromech droid belonging to the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. Nachkt resolved to sell R2-D2, the droid": awkward wording. Please mention that R2-D2 was the astromech droid when you mention the droid the first time.
 * 22) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * In the intro, didn't Tambor anticipate that Argente would go to Nachkt to buy a droid, and isn't that why he hired Nachkt?
 * 24) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Why did Skywalker and Tano go to the Vulture's Claw?
 * 26) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * It seems to me as though Nachkt never identified R2 by name. It's fine to mention R2-D2 as the droid's name when he's first mentioned, but I believe that "the droid" or "the astromech droid" would be more appropriate throughout the article, because using R2's name implies that Nachkt knew it. Whether or not he knew it, he didn't use it.
 * 28) **I hardly see it as implying that. It merely dictates the specific name of "the droid" in question, rather than implying anything Nachkt did or did not do. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Nachkt was approached by the Skakoan Foreman of the Techno Union, a commerce guild affiliated with the Confederacy, Wat Tambor." Same context issue as before; also, unless it's really necessary, Tambor's species doesn't need to be in there.
 * 30) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ***No, this still remains, and as before, now the context for the Techno Union is mentioned twice. Please check over the article more carefully when you're addressing these objections.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * I'm noticing throughout the article that you're saying a person's title and then identifying them by name in the next sentence or so. Please correct this, as it's not very clear why it needs to be this way.
 * 33) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * It's unclear why Nachkt's scavenging is mentioned after his deal with Tambor; wasn't he a scavenger prior to then? Also, there's no evidence to suggest that it took place this early; as far as we know, it took place shortly before Argente arrived.
 * 35) **Actually, there's no canon evidence to dictate when this deal happened, or when the meeting occurred chronologically. Therefore, we must go by what's likely; such a deal would have had to have been prepared, therefore we must assume the deal was made prior to the Battle of Bothawui.. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ***You are correct. However, it was already established that he was a smuggler. I don't believe he turned into a scavenger just for the Battle of Bothawui, because that's currently what the chronological order implies. Please establish the base of his persona before stating specific events that he participated in.  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * "Nachkt would search": inappropriate verb tense; bit confusing.
 * 38) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "During the Battle of Bothawui, another battle between the Confederacy and the Republic in the Clone Wars": "another" shouldn't be used here, because there hasn't been any other battle stated in the article.
 * 40) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * "in the conflict" is unclear, because it implies that it applied to the Clone Wars itself.
 * 42) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * "Despite R2 being just a droid": "just", as a verb, needs to be replaced with a noun for this to work.
 * 44) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ***No, this is still there. The sentence doesn't work if a noun doesn't follow "despite".  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * Why was Skywalker required to wipe the droid's memory?
 * 47) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Yes, but why was he required to hide information from the Confederacy? Specifically, who required him to do this?  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 08:07, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * Correction: Grievous was a cyborg, not a droid. I've reworded the sentence anyway, but please keep this in mind.
 * 51) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "After Nachkt had got R2": colloquial; also, does this really need to be in there?
 * 53) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) ***I meant that the phrase itself is unnecessary. It's already been stated that Nachkt had possession of the droid, and restating it is just redundant.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "Argente felt that the Clone Wars were going badly for the Confederacy, and the Confederacy were looking for a scapegoat. He felt that Tambor wanted to make Argente the scapegoat, and so wanted a droid to spy on Tambor.": This can be shortened, as it applies more to Argente than Nachkt.
 * 56) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ***This can still be shortened more.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) ****Now it's rather colloquial. Perhaps change it to something about Argente holding personal disputes with Tambor. It's really unnecessary and irrelevant to Nachkt himself.  CC7567  (talk) 08:07, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * It needs to be stated earlier that Tambor gave Nachkt the protocol droid; wasn't that part of Tambor's plan?
 * 60) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) ***I haven't seen any change in this; please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * "When the two Jedi came on board the Vulture's Claw to search for R2-D2, Nachkt hid Skywalker's astromech droid, instead escorting them to another area of the ship whilst he hid the droid." So Nachkt hid the droid twice?
 * 63) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Where did Skywalker search for his droid with Tano?
 * 65) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * "After arriving at Grievous' rendezvous point, Nachkt began to reveal the droid's secrets to the General." Please clarify why this is here. I haven't been given any reason to believe that Nachkt was "revealing the droid's secrets" to Grievous when he arrived. If you mean that Grievous ordered him to take apart R2, please either move this down to where it chronologically happens or remove it.
 * 67) * "and take the information from him and give it to the general": so Nachkt was stealing R2's memory? Again, I haven't been given a reason to believe this; please reword.
 * 68) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) * "information which Skywalker felt would be devastating to the Republic in the hands of the Confederacy": well, yes, it was implied, but wasn't Kenobi the one who specifically mentioned this? I would recommend just removing Skywalker in this sentence, as I'm quite sure many Republic officials and Jedi would agree with this, not only Skywalker.
 * 70) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * "Nachkt, having been working on taking the droid apart": please change verb tense to something more appropriate.
 * 72) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * "as the droid was worth more to the general": really? I believe it would be more appropriate to say that Grievous himself stated this.
 * 74) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ***Nevermind; please just reword this and mention that Grievous found the information more valuable than what he originally thought.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * Is the P&T quote really appropriate? I don't find that a lack of personal hygiene entirely dictates one's personality.
 * 77) **Well, any quote can only cover so far. I mean, one quote can cover perhaps one aspect of a personality, and this is one aspect of a personality covered by one quote. "He's a typical smuggler - prone to lying" as a completely made up quote would only cover the aspect of lying in a character's personality. Same here, but with a different aspect. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ***I don't understand what you're saying; yes, you're correct in that a quote can only cover one aspect of someone's personality, but the flatulence quote is just unnecessary and inappropriate here. The P&T quote should highlight the most important aspect of his personality (or at least a more important one), and flatulence does not fall in that category. A lack of hygiene implies a lack of care for oneself, yes, but it is not essentially part of the personality.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * Nachkt's lack of care for "withholding his flatulence" needs a source; the episode isn't a source.
 * 80) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * The flatulence is rather overly embellished upon. Is a few sentences (vs. one sentence) really necessary to be dedicated to one's hygiene rather than one's personality?
 * 82) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) *"Nachkt was liable to lie and hide things from people if he felt being honest would mean he would loose any merchandise he would otherwise be able to sell." A few things:
 * 84) ** This sentence is choppy and needs rewording.
 * 85) ** "Liable" isn't an appropriate choice of words; it's usually "liable to experience something", not "liable to commit something".
 * 86) ***Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "when they came searching for him": colloquial; please mention the Vulture's Claw somewhere in there.
 * 88) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) *** Please check this again; both objections still remain. It's still colloquial, and the Vulture's Claw still needs to be mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * "Nachkt was also somewhat greedy": it's either he was or he wasn't; don't leave room for speculation. Didn't his ability to be bribed by Argente further prove this? Also, that ability to be bribed needs to be mentioned here in the P&T.
 * 91) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * "In both episodes, the webcomic and in the series of The Clone Wars in general, Nachkt is the only character to be prone to such flatulence as he is." This is too trivial and is in need of a nuking.
 * 93) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * The episodes aren't sources for the tradition of a Trandoshan having three fingers.
 * 95) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) * "The seats of Nachkt’s ship, Vulture’s Claw, are similar in design to those in the Millenium Falcon, the ship owned by the smuggler Han Solo." If anything, this should have been mentioned in the ship's article; however, this is too trivial as well to be worth a mention.
 * 97) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) *Please just go through this article and improve things in general. Awkward wording seems to be prominent where better wording could be used, and less colloquial wording can be used in multiple places. Good luck with these. I'll take another look once they're addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 05:32, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * "Gha Nachkt, as a Trandoshan, had a distinct lack of personal hygiene in comparison with what humans and other sentients such as Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano deemed to be civilized." First of all, Skywalker and Tano's reactions in the episode are not a source of their beliefs on civility. Also, the "Trandoshan trend" of a lack of personal hygiene requires a source.  CC7567  (talk) 01:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) Fett's 2 cents
 * 101) * New info: From
 * 102) ** Gha Nachkt's shirt markings indicate that he is a level 5 droid programmer. StarWars.com is streaming the decoded episode right now.
 * 103) ***Added. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Second attack
 * 2) * I believe that the intro can be shortened. Two paragraphs will be fine, but I don't mean for you to do this simply by merging paragraphs.
 * 3) **It's a pretty small intro, really, and I can't see much use of shortening it, especially when compared to a lot of other intros... -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "Despite Nachkt's neutrality to both factions, Nachkt would deal with both the Republic and the Confederacy." The neutrality already says that; the sentence is redundant in itself.
 * 5) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "At some point, Nachkt was approached by Wat Tambor, a member of the Confederacy. Tambor was Foreman of the Techno Union, a commerce guild affiliated with the Confederacy." There's a tad of excess context here, and it's not supporting the flow. Please either say that he's a member of the Confederacy or that he was foreman of the Techno Union; otherwise, it's redundant.
 * 7) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "Tambor offered to pay him to sell a protocol droid to Magistrate of the Corporate Alliance, another commerce guild, Passel Argente, would have no idea of the droid's true programming, and so the droid would be able to spy on Argente and report back on his dealings to Tambor." There's a definite lack of flow here for reasons that I've already stated in my first look. Also, the sentence is a run-on and isn't making sense; please reword.
 * 9) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * The first paragraph of the Bio's section section has too much on R2-D2; please cut it down and only leave what's necessary to Nachkt. I don't think Kenobi even requires a mention.
 * 11) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * The paragraph regarding Nachkt's transfer of the droid to Argente is very choppy in sentence flow. Please reword and merge sentences where you can.
 * 13) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * CC7567  (talk) 04:30, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Blacklist:
 * 16) * "Nachkt sold Tambor's droid to Argente in return for credits from Tambor; the droid being able to report on Argente's dealings to Tambor without Argente knowing." Maybe I'm misunderstanding something, but I can't make sense of the second part of this sentence.
 * 17) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * "During the war, Nachkt scavenged the debris left over after battles for items he could sell to the Republic or the Confederacy. Nachkt would deal with both the Republic and the Confederacy." the same wording used at the end of both sentences in too close succession.
 * 19) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Likewise, you use "scavenging the debris after the battle" rather often for an article not of any considerable length. Consider altering your word choices here & there.
 * 21) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) *Decent otherwise. Though I cleaned it up, be mindful of underlinking, among other things. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 21:10, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) You seem to repeat too often how he is a scavenger that sells to the Republic and Confederacy. Plus, both times you mention the Clone Wars, you don't need to say how it was fought between the Republic and Confederacy. Once in the body is probably enough. The intro doesn't usually need such specifics.  —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:24, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Also, looks like the last two paragraphs in "Salvaging an astromech droid" could use transitions due to their abrupt subject changes. —Xwing328 (Talk) 17:32, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **Okay, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:42, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***That helps. —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:58, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Toprawa:
 * 30) *A passing objection: Have you checked The Clone Wars Campaign Guide, CSWE, and The Clone Wars Season One article in Insider 106 for information? Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:07, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Chack Attack:
 * 33) * "Confederacy" isn't linked.
 * 34) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Give context on it by giving the full title.
 * 36) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * Actually, you can remedy the first two with this: explain what the factions are when first mentioned, ie "either of the two fighting factions, the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems."
 * 38) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * You use Nachkt too many times. Vary it by using "he" or "the Trandoshan". The same with Tambor.
 * 40) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * Context on Separatist Council.
 * 42) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * "Tambor anticipated that the Koorivar Passel Argente, an adversary of his, would come to Nachkt to buy a droid. Tambor contacted Nachkt to sell Argente a spy droid, and Nachkt agreed." These need to be combined or something, because it's quite awkward as is.
 * 44) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * After mentioning this, you jump too suddenly into the next bit. How did Nachky know to head to the battle? Explain that stuff a touch more.
 * 46) **Not stated. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * How did Skywalker and Tano know that the droid was on his ship? Did they encounter him at the battlefield, or what? Explain that a bit.
 * 48) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:21, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *More to come once you deal with these. I'm aware that some of these are but I think it would be best if you fixed them, partly because I'm not sure exactly how to word some things, and also because I think you'd benefit from it; it helps teach a bit about this process.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:38, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *More stuff now.
 * 51) * "Tambor anticipated that the Koorivar Passel Argente, an adversary of his, would come to the scavenger to buy a droid. The council member contacted the Trandoshan to sell Argente a spy droid." If he anticipated that he would come, then why does Tambor need to contact him?
 * 52) **It really wasn't clear; the comic didn't really specify how. Argente came and left, and then Nachkt contacted Tambor, but it still wasn't clear.  CC7567  (talk) 18:45, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "Argente arrived at the Vulture's Claw to buy a droid to spy on Tambor. Nachkt sold the Separatist council member's droid to Argente in return for credits from Tambor." So Nachkt sold him Tambor’s droid? This is confusing.
 * 54) **Hopefully that's cleared up now. I gave it another once-over, and hopefully that'll compromise some of the future objections.  CC7567  (talk) 18:45, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) *More to come once you've dealt with these.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:56, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * Ok, last one: how did Skywalker know that Nachkt had his droid and was going to send it to Grievous?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:45, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) **Addressed. Thanks, Chack.  CC7567  (talk) 03:29, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) Discount
 * 59) * Even thought the article seems to be ready to be featured, the events happened in Discount should be expanded. In article, it isn't noted what truly happened during the meeting with Argente.--Kreivi Wolter 14:30, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) Intro-"In retribution, Grievous killed him." This sentence needs expanding. How did Grievous kill Gha?  JangFett  Talk 16:56, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) *Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 00:16, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Since I have no idea when Darth tom is coming back (it was supposed to be two days ago, but I haven't seen him around), and since I want to get this off the page, I'm going to try and address the remaining objections until he gets back. Hope no one minds.  CC7567  (talk) 18:45, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I remember seeing him on #WP:TCW a few days ago CC.  JangFett  Talk 01:06, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks, CC. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:33, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Darth Malak

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:05, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope it passes, nomed for FA per suggestion.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 0)
Support
 * 1) Yup, it's good enough for me.--Kreivi Wolter 08:22, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  LordDeathRay  (My Sith Holocron)  01:25, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Battle of the Kaliida Nebula

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second to last of TCW CloneProject Malevolence Crisis.

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total/INQCON 3)
Support
 * 1) Good job.  Mauser  Comlink  22:21, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Now it's nearly perfect.Kreivi Wolter 17:35, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) CC ftw.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:58, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:59, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 17:59, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I'll probably read the whole thing later but one thing I noticed in a brief glance: "General Kenobi. Did you really I would leave the hyperdrive unguarded?" A word is missing, I believe.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:24, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Whoops. Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 21:08, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Mauser
 * 4) * Some context on Shadow Squadron.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * Are you sure that Sector Four you're talking about in the article is a Coruscant district?
 * 7) **I added another redlink; I'll create a stub for both that and the base soon.
 * 8) * The battle took place in the Prindaar system, right?
 * 9) **Not quite sure; I'm checking it right now and I'll get back to you.
 * 10) **The thing is that I'm not sure if information can be inferred. The battle took place near the dead moon of Antar, yes, and the moon was in the Prindaar system, but I'm unsure if we can assume that the nebula itself was in the Prindaar system. The battle was named because the medical station and the nebula were the closest landmarks, not necessarily the moon of Antar, although I'm beginning to change my mind. Do you think it should be moved to the Battle of Prindaar, or what? My concern is that the Prindaar system isn't mentioned anywhere in TCW media or sources&mdash;not in the episode, not in the guide, not in the CSWE (in relation to TCW), nada. The med center and the nebula were the only things ever mentioned as landmarks; the moon of Antar was included in that, as it was identified in the CSWE, but the battle really took place around the med center. (The medical station doesn't even have an official location, since it was moving all the time; it's only "close to Ryndellia and Naboo.")  CC7567  (talk) 22:00, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Well, since the battle ended at the dead moon of Antar, I suppose that Prindaar system should be mentioned at least as one of the two locations of the battle. And as the battle didn't take place in the nebula itself, I suggest you at least put the Template:Conjecture on top of the article.
 * 12) ****Okay, addressed. Let me know if it needs tweaking.  CC7567  (talk) 22:16, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Otherwise looks great.  Mauser  Comlink 20:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks.  CC7567  (talk) 21:08, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Infobox
 * 16) * The OOM command battle droids should be linked for the "individual" droids, not to the droid series. Also there's no object(s) of battle.--Kreivi Wolter 08:37, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **If you want to create those articles yourself, go ahead, because I frankly don't care about every individual droid. It's a minor enough objection that you can do it yourself, and it doesn't even fall under a FAN rule. And I have no idea what you mean by "object of battle". If you mean "objective", it's a battle, not a mission.  CC7567  (talk) 18:51, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Blacklist:
 * 19) * "Kenobi attempted to cause further damage the ship's hyperdrive, but was confronted by Grievous, and engaged the cyborg general before escaping." Engaged? Did they have a conversation? Play pazaak? Slowdance? Please specify.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) * "and tracked the Malevolence to the Abregado system with a fleet of several Venator-class Star Destroyers." Minor specification required here: was the Malevolence accompanied by the Venators'', or did Plo Koon arrive with them?
 * 22) **Bah, addressed.
 * 23) * "With the death of Grievous, the war could be brought to a quicker end."POV, please rework.
 * 24) **That was quoted verbatim from the episode, but I forgot to say that it was Skywalker saying it. Added.
 * 25) * Also, I think that you have too many images. There should really only be one image per subsection.
 * 26) **Reworked.
 * 27) ***Much better, less cluttered. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 23:48, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *More to come. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 21:16, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Thanks, Tommy.  CC7567  (talk) 01:09, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * I believe that the Attack on the Malevolence section should be condensed a bit. As it is (Grievous did this, then Skywalker did that, etc), I feel like I'm actually watching the episode.
 * 31) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 01:42, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * "If the Banking Clan left the Confederacy, the Republic would have a greater chance of winning the war." POV.
 * 33) **Nuked altogether.
 * 34) * Not as bad as the Attack on the Malevolence, but the Mission aboard the Malevolence could use some condensing to eliminate some of the PBP feel it gives when reading.
 * 35) * Same thing with Dual Sabotage.
 * 36) * Same thing with the second paragraph of Destruction.
 * 37) *That's all. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 23:36, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **The rest are addressed; thanks, Tommy.  CC7567  (talk) 01:45, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * c. 3,000 words. Prelude was too long in my opinion.  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not done yet, but I'd suggest you go through and eliminate the overlinking. I'm only up to "A New Target", and I've already found/corrected a decent amount. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 21:16, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Eh, I really should have done a better job in the first place.
 * Haste makes waste, Captain ;P —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 17:59, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Octa Ramis

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:55, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally finished! Will be sure to keep it updated for all future releases.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total/INQCON 3)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:02, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:59, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) A very good article. Nice work. --Eyrezer 08:49, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Nice, Cav.  CC7567  (talk) 23:20, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro time. FYI: I haven't read the bio after the YV war, as I haven't read those books yet.
 * 2) * The paragraph about Daeshara'cor looking for superweapons does not refer to Ramis, while giving too much context for something important for Daeshara'cor. How did Ramis helped Daeshara'cor? I see Daeshara'cor's motivations, but what's Ramis's? Is the Anakin Solo software stuff really important for Ramis? Or could it be simply "Anakin Solo and Mara Jade discovered Daeshara'cor's scheme and stopped her before she could do anything harmful"?
 * 3) **Basically, it's all background material. Ramis helps Daeshara'cor since they are friends (established in previous section) by using her skills to erase evidence of her superweapon search. So, therefore, the fact that Daeshara'cor was looking for superweapons becomes important and needs explanation. Also, the fact that Ramis's efforts were unsuccessful means that the existence of the computer program - and its relevance - need to be explained as well.
 * 4) * Daeshara'cor died during the battle of Ithor, but this is only related in a later section ("Holding back the night"); it should be mentioned under "The Defense of Ithor".
 * 5) **Normally, I would agree, but I couldn't find a way to put it into the relevant section without diverting from its flow. Placing it where it is currently seems like the best fit.
 * 6) * "Harried by coralskippers, her wingmen were killed as she secured the area around the corvette, aided by Quee activating a Yammosk-jammer to disrupt the Yuuzhan Vong's ability to coordinate their fighters." Grammatically confusing although correct. "aided by Quee" sounded like Quee aiding the wingmen to be killed. Proposal: "Harried by coralskippers, her wingmen were killed as she secured the area around the corvette. In this she was aided by Quee, who activated a Yammosk-jammer to disrupt the Yuuzhan Vong's ability to coordinate their fighters." And in fact, I'd rather describe the Yammosk-jammer functionality a little earlier, just after the link to Quee.
 * 7) **Done as per suggestion.
 * 8) * "Skywalker had assembled a group of Jedi—aided by Imperial support—to discover the location of the planet." The Imperial supported the group of Jedi during their mission? The Imperials aided Skywalker to assemble the group?
 * 9) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 10) * "Ramis was still on the planet when the Yuuzhan Vong moved against Mon Calamari." You mean on the planet Mon Calamari, not on Zonama Sekot, right? Could you please specify?
 * 11) **Specified.
 * 12) * "as the enemy withdrew from the engagement as they neared the planet of Mon Calamari itself." Two successive "as"'s (no pun intended). Could you replace one of them for something else? Also: Who's "they"?
 * 13) **Done, and done.
 * 14) * "The world featured strongly in their religion, and its sudden reappearance was seen as an omen of defeat. Conversely, the Shamed Ones, the lowest caste of Yuuzhan Vong society, saw the planet as a holy, sacred place, that was the key to their redemption. Its arrival triggered a rebellion on the planet." Again, the religion of whom? Is the 2nd line really relevant? A rebellion on Zonama Sekot or on Coruscant?
 * 15) **Again, the information is background material which I think is justified. Clarified on the other points.
 * 16) * The dogfight in living ships against the Vong mention "some" Jedi having difficulty to pilot, and others having a hard to to make the ships fire and so. Ramis belonged to which of those?
 * 17) **Its never specified which group she belonged to.
 * 18) * "by the suffering that her former instructors, Kam and Tionne Solusar suffered at". The suffering they suffered. Maybe replace suffering with affliction, anguish, distress, ordeal...?
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * Similarly: Powers and abilities. "Able" is used four times in seven lines. Maybe a synonym or two?
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) *Great article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:04, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Many thanks for the review. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:53, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) One thing for you, Cav:
 * 25) * "Ramis spent much of her youth on a high-gravity world, before being recognized as a Force-sensitive" The high gravity world bit is just unnecessary and random, IMO. I'd appreciate it if you could remove it and work that sentence around then. Also, watch out for British spellings, though I think I got them all. :P
 * 26) **Removed and reworked.
 * 27) *Good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:27, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **Thanks. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:00, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Eyrezer:
 * 30) * "Taking control of the hulk of a freighter destroyed by the Yuuzhan Vong, he sent it hurtling towards the coralskipper" I think this was done using the Force. If so, please add this detail.
 * 31) **You are correct, Sir. Corrected.
 * 32) * You mention the Langhesi on Sekot. This is reffed to The Unifying Force, but the Langhesi article doesn't have TUF as a source, nor does TUF list them in its appearances. Is this an oversight by other articles, or do you need to ref their presence to Rogue Planet?
 * 33) **Nice catch. Must of missed that, and used Jabitha's article for info. Added the ref.
 * 34) * "Each Jedi had then bonded with their seed-partners, living organisms that would grow to become their new vessels." Is it "had then" or "then"? The first could work but sounds a little odd.
 * 35) **Went with the second one.
 * 36) * "While the Masters Skywalker infiltrated the nest in their StealthX fighters" Is this referring to Luke and Mara? Or is it a mistake?
 * 37) **Refers to both of them - they're refered to as the "Masters Skywalker" in later novels.
 * 38) * My one other concern is that the Second Galactic Civil War section is pretty large, considering Ramis gets only very minor mentions. I don't think she gets mentioned at all in paras 1-3 of that section. Is it possible to condense that further? --Eyrezer 04:54, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **This was a concern of mine as well, and original drafts were longer that this. I've pared it down a little. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:44, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) *Sorry if this sounds picky, Cav, but do you reckon you could standardise the paragraph size a little? If doing so detracts from the flow, don't bother, but they come in all shapes and sizes at the moment. Otherwise it looks great; I'll give it a read-through and a proper review soon. Also, regarding future releases, I hope she dies :P There are too many long-running Jedi Council members! -- —Harrar  ( Villip ) 16:18, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Tott Doneeta

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 10:26, 27 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: None.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 2)
Support

Object
 * 1) Alright, picked up on a few things.
 * 2) * "he was found by Jedi Master Arca Jeth and trained up as a Knight of the Old Republic." – "Trained up" is rather colloquial; either remove it or change it to something for clarification.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "In 4,000 BBY, Doneeta and the brothers Qel-Droma" – Not sure what you mean by that. Do you mean "and the Qel-Droma brothers", or what?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "causing Doneeta's Jedi brother, Ulic Qel-Droma, to subsequently infiltrate their ranks in an attempt to destroy the Krath from within" – I don’t believe Ulic is Doneeta's brother, no? If this is some sort of mutual agreement between the pair, this needs to be clarified; for someone like me who’s unfamiliar with this time period, it’s not clear at all.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Introduction – context on a "heat storm", and what him losing entailed for himself and his clan.
 * 9) **Addressed, though it didn't really mean much to the clan. Though not necessary, I can add a tad bit more if you still think it's required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 23:31, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * In the section entitled "Jedi Training", clarification regarding the slave ship; were they prisoners, or was this a ship they’d hijacked or what?
 * 11) **Doesn't say.
 * 12) * In the section entitled "War on Onderon": "Doneeta held position with the Beast Riders in their citadel for several day" – Somewhat colloquial, perhaps it could be reworded to something like "Doneeta and the Beast Riders held the citadel for several days"?
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * Same section, "leaving the rescue of Master Jeth as the next order of business." – Order of business too is somewhat colloquial – I’d like to see that changed, please.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * In the section entitled "Beginnings of a crusade": "the peace for which they so desperately fought" – desperately’s POV.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * Same section: "Doneeta revealed his findings at the same moment when Master Jeth" – Same moment as when, perhaps?
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * Same section: "and the brothers Qel-Droma" – Reword.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Same section: "When Exar Kun, a Knight claiming affiliation with the "School of Jedi Archaeology", did arrive," – More context on Exar Kun. A Jedi Knight, or what?
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * In the section entitled "Trouble on Deneba": - "the Jedi were also brought up short" – Another colloquial phrase.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * Same section: "Doneeta held position with several of his companions," – colloquial again. "Held position" is the specific.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) *So far, I’ve got only down to the "Efforts redoubled" section. I’ll continue my review later today. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:04, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Keep'em comin. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 23:31, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Second look.
 * 31) * In the section entitled "Efforts redoubled": "The suggestion then arose amongst the Jedi that they should instead fly their trustworthy S-100 Stinger fighters" - Trustworthy's rather POVish. Perhaps you could have "which had been proven to be reliable before" or something instead?
 * 32) **Addressed.
 * 33) * Same section: "easily dispatching" - easily's POV. Quickly or something, perhaps?
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) * "and fended off the Krath's forces" - Shouldn't that be Krath? I would have corrected it, but I don't know enough of the subject matter to be sure.
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) * Same section: "Unbeknownst to Doneeta and the rest of the Jedi, fallen Jedi Exar Kun, whom they had previously encountered on Onderon, was also present in Cinnagar, with his own intentions of destroying the Krath as well, for he saw them as an obstacle to his own progression in dark side power." - Run on.
 * 38) **Addressed.
 * 39) * In the section entitled "Final offensive": "As the Twi'lek worked to preserve all that he could, both Ulic Qel-Droma and and Exar Kun arrived on Ossus, and Doneeta was with Cay when Ulic touched down nearby." - Reword.
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) * Same section: "Exar Kun tapped into Sith lore more arcane than even he understood and gathered all his Massassi slaves in his temple." - Context on Masassi.
 * 42) **Addressed.
 * 43) * "However, the combined Force power of nearly all the Jedi was too much for Kun to combat, and while his spirit was freed by Sith arts, it was indeed trapped on Yavin 4 by the talents of the Jedi, forever within the walls of his temple." - Run on.
 * 44) **Addressed.
 * 45) * In the section entitled "Homecoming": "Tott Doneeta had relocated to his own homeworld to help his Twi'lek brethren seek shelter from incineration by a feared Ryloth heat storm." - Context on heat storm in bio.
 * 46) **Addressed.
 * 47) * "did the unthinkable" - POV.
 * 48) **Addressed.
 * 49) * "the mischievous teen" - Mischievous is POV. Try misbehaving or something.
 * 50) **Addressed.
 * 51) * In the section entitled "Journey to Ryloth", "Towards the convocation's end, Tott Doneeta encountered another of his old friends, the Cathar Jedi Knight Sylvar, who still harbored much hatred for Ulic Qel-Droma, whom she considered a criminal that had escaped atonement for the crimes he committed during the Sith War." is a big run on.
 * 52) **Addressed.
 * 53) * In the section entitled "Lost cause", "The Twi'lek felt that Sylvar, who sulked throughout the entire event, should have shown more gratitude for the pride the Cathar had taken in her, but to no avail; all she wanted was isolation, and pageants, she felt, were a far cry from her desired solitude." is a long run on.
 * 54) **Addressed.
 * 55) * "Undaunted by the Cathar Jedi's impressive speed" - Impressive is POV.
 * 56) **Addressed.
 * 57) * Image caption in the P&T reads: "Tott Doneeta, along with his Jedi Master and brothers, in celebration." - I don't like this use of brother in a non-biological sense.
 * 58) **Addressed.
 * 59) * "revenge like his Jedi brother, Ulic Qel-Droma" same point.
 * 60) **Addressed.
 * 61) * "Upon realization of Qel-Droma's corruption, the Twi’lek initially believed that his friend could be rescued and redeemed, but after he accepted the fact that Qel-Droma had willingly succumbed to the wiles of the Krath, Doneeta’s duty as a Jedi superseded his devotion to his friend, for whom he still cared deeply" Run on.
 * 62) **Addressed.
 * 63) * "who had never been convicted for his war crimes during his time as a Sith Lord." - Of his accused war crimes would work better, or something similar.
 * 64) **Addressed.
 * 65) * I don't like the "TOTJ" abbreviation in the BtS. I don't think it's much trouble to put it in full, which would be much preferable.
 * 66) *That's probably most of what there is; good work, Tommy. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:07, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) **Much fun sparring with youu, Tom. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 23:10, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) Cylka:
 * 69) * You should add that he was born Tottdon'eeta in the article proper.
 * 70) **Addressed.
 * 71) * Doneeta was later present on the library world of Ossus when the Sith Brotherhood caused a supernova that threatened to devastate the planet, where he gathered many priceless Jedi artifacts and assisted in the evacuation proceedings. - The last part of this sentence reads somewhat awkwardly. You might want to shuffle it around a bit.
 * 72) **How's that?
 * 73) * The Sith were ultimately defeated by the Jedi, and Qel-Droma led Doneeta and his companions to Kun's stronghold on Yavin 4, where the Twi'lek joined the collective Jedi effort that resulted in Yavin 4's surface destruction and the defeat of Exar Kun. - Two things here: I would add in something about Ulic having renounced his Sith allegiance and make it more clear that the defeat of Kun caused the devastation of the planet. As it reads now, it seems as though the Jedi destroyed the surface intentionally just to defeat Kun.
 * 74) **Addressed, and addressed.
 * 75) * When he finally recognized where her hate was leading her, Doneeta left his old friend in the deserts of Cathar to contemplate whether she would give into the dark side—or not. - I would reword this sentence to make it a bit more clear that Sylvar's hate was leading her towards the dark side. Also being the last sentence of the intro, I feel that it should focus more on Doneeta than Sylvar.
 * 76) **Is this better?
 * 77) * Momentarily shaken by the queen's stifling power, Doneeta carried out his mission and remained on the Ranger with Galia - What was his mission? To protect Galia or was it something else?
 * 78) **Addressed.
 * 79) * The Twi'lek arrived on Thon's world of Ambria and was presented with the Vultan Jedi Oss Wilum. - Why was he presented with Wilum? Was this the aid that Thon was going to give or something else?
 * 80) **Addressed.
 * 81) * beyond their capabilities of fighting in their current state - What was their current state? It isn't all that clear as to how they were hampered.
 * 82) **Addressed.
 * 83) * he Jedi's guidance to the Onderonians helped bring about the peace for which they fought - Who was fighting for peace? The Jedi? If so, please make it a bit more clear.
 * 84) **Addressed.
 * 85) * During the gathering, Doneeta's Jedi brother, Ulic Qel-Droma I'm not really sure that you should use the label Jedi brother in this instance since it may be a bit confusing in regards to Cay and Ulic.
 * 86) **That one slipped through the Darth Tom radar. Addressed.
 * 87) * Escape pods rained down to Deneba's surface, unleashing Krath-designed war droids that proceeded to fire upon the congregation, while the servant droids that were planetside and assisting with the convocation received a change in programming that ordered them to attack their Jedi owners, focusing on the most powerful of those present. - This sentence is a bit long.
 * 88) **Addressed.
 * 89) * Tott Doneeta, Ulic's brother Cay, and his lover, Nomi Sunrider, were dispatched - In this instance, it is a bit unclear as to whose lover Nomi is
 * 90) **Removed that bit. Addressed
 * 91) * The Sith Lord was then scheduled to stand trial, where he would most assuredly be condemned to death. - Is this stated in the source, or is it speculative? Please clarify.
 * 92) **Yes. The Supreme Chancellor said, And you will be sentenced to death. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed )`
 * OK, this is my review so far. I'll pick it up a bit later. So far, it is really interesting, Tommy. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 08:18, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Cylka, cont'd:
 * 2) *Jedi Master Thon believed that the Sith planned to once again attack the jump station in jest. - I believe that I know what you mean here, but could you state it a bit more clearly?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *Though successful in releasing his spirit, it was forever trapped on Yavin 4 by the talents of the Jedi within the walls of his temple. - This statement seems to say that the Jedi within the walls of the temple were responsible. Please clarify.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *In the heat storm article it states that Doneeta wanted to help the clan as they were wandering in search of a new home, that is why they were unprotected. I'm not sure if this is correct, but if it is, I think that it would give a bit more clarification as to why he relocated to help with what was a normal occurrence.
 * 7) **Should be good now.
 * 8) *Doneeta sensed the bitterness within her, and though she embraced it - Is this supposed to mean that she reined it in or reveled in it?
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) *After the liberation of Onderon, Doneeta was among the Jedi who received instruction in taming and flying the drexl war mounts of the Beast Riders. - This statement seems to contradict the earlier stated While his comrades spent time learning to fly the Beast Riders' warmounts, Doneeta's time revolved around cataloging items.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) *That's the end, Tommy. It was an enjoyable read. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 07:03, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks, Cylka. I'm glad you enjoyed. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 14:25, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 15) * This will need to be updated for Jedi Academy Training Manual. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:11, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **I believe this has been satisfied. Thanks for the review, Ataru. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 14:29, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) Got one thing here, not done reading it though.
 * 18) *"Doneeta spent his youth as a slave before his family booked passage on a starship that acted as a front for the slaver ring to which they belonged." This confused me. Was his family part of the ring? And he was a slave until he booked passage on a slaver ring when Jeth saved him?
 * 19) *I'm up to "Rise of the Krath."  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:14, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to Skytop Station

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 18:43, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another TCW story arc lays siege to the FAN page! Technically the finale of CloneProject Droid Retrieval, but had to work backward without current possession of Wild Space.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total/INQCON 2)
Support > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 19:49, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Nice article, although a bit too play-by-play. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Great Work again CC7567! Xd1358 14:38, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:21, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:03, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 18:54, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Since I was the one who worked on Denal, here's an objection related to him. How do we know that he is a sergeant? Nothing in the episode establishes that, and the episode guide calls him just Trooper Denal. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Oops. I just checked the sources, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe it was an established fact that he held any rank by the time of the episode.  CC7567  (talk) 19:00, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Small thing for ya:
 * 3) * "The mission featured the series' introduction of the Confederate listening post Skytop Station, previously introduced in The Clone Wars web comic Prelude." I'm assuming you're saying that it was introduced in the TV series, although this is a touch confusing. You state that it was introduced in the series, and then say that it had already been introduced. I get it, but it is a little bit confusing. If you change this around somehow, that'd be great. Good work, though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:39, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Addressed, and thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:40, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to Rugosa

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 20:21, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Fresh as can be from the GAN.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total/INQCON 4)
Support
 * 1) Reviewed it when it was on the GA page. Kilson Likes PIE 04:24, 21 July 09 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:50, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  14:41, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:40, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:19, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * I'd prefer you just call Thire by his nickname when you introduce the clones in the intro and then remove that "&mdash;" bit later on in the intro. Same in the body.
 * 3) * Your BTS is choppy, and seems to be just bits of info thrown together. Try to organize it a little better.
 * 4) *Solid work, though. This is the second coming of TOTJ!  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:07, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Both addressed; thanks, Chack. :P  CC7567  (talk) 01:37, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Alpheridies-wide famous pasta:
 * 7) * Other than Chack's objections, I only have one: There is no mention in the body under "The trial" about the timeframe to reach the king. Yoda says that he would arrive by nightfall, which is not even referenced in the body; but, if I recall correctly, Asajj has something to do with that deadline being imposed. It should be included in the text. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:38, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Hmm. Well...as far as I can see, Yoda only stated that he would arrive by nightfall, but it wasn't directly part of the terms, and Ventress didn't place them there. Yes, a deadline would make more sense, but since it was Yoda who introduced that part of the competition, I can't add it in relation to Ventress. I've put it in as Yoda's statement, though.  CC7567  (talk) 20:35, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Toprawa:
 * 10) * Minor objection. I'm not exactly sure what this sentence is saying. Can we be more clear and/or specify more directly? "The premiere featured the television network's record highest acclamation for a series premiere." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:15, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Bad attempt at word variation. Fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 04:13, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Senate hostage crisis

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 20:21, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Also crisp 'n clean. (Hopefully.) Probably won't cause too much of a stir.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:25, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * Hey CC, this is nitpicky but first line of the intro "raid" doesn’t really fit with the title, IMO.
 * 3) **Addressed; also, it gave me an excuse to give the intro a much-needed cleaning up.
 * 4) * The article, mainly "Capturing Skywalker", is a bit too pbp.
 * 5) **I went and rewrote the article; hopefully it's looking better.
 * 6) * "The raid also revealed Bane's ruthlessness, for in planting the laser-activated explosives, the bounty hunter revealed that he never took prisoners." Is this necessary?
 * 7) **Not really; nuked.
 * 8) *Good work. I realize that some of my objections are a bit unclear, and for that, I apologize. If you have any questions, catch me on IRC.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:04, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Nah, they're fine; thanks very much, Chack.  CC7567  (talk) 22:19, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Chase Piru

 * Nominated by: –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 00:49, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first "anything" nomination here on Wookieepedia. Been wanting to do this for sometime but didn't get off my lazy butt til now. Enjoy!

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1) Good first effort; with further Inq reviews this will turn into a fine FA --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 09:42, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The priest
 * 2) * You contextify Chase Piru very well in the biography, but not so well in the intro. "Piru was stationed in the Bogden Jedi Training Facility on Bogden 3 when Order 66 was issued, where she defended the Soaring Hawkbat Clan from the attacking clone troopers." is a bit of a sudden lurch. Try rephrasing to include the Clone Wars, the fact it is the end of the war and what Order 66 is.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * "Piru and K'Kruhk were disturbed" &mdash; what does being "disturbed" entail?
 * 5) **Rephrased.
 * 6) * "During their attack on the pirates, Piru used her prowess to eliminate most of the them. She was nearly killed again before K'Kruhk unleashed his uncontrolled rage on the pirates and killed them." This is vague and not very well worded. Piru aids K'Kruhk in the fight, which isn't made clear here. Also try not to end sentences with the same word.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * "Although K'Kruhk and Jeisel were supposed to join Cerean Jedi High Councilman Ki-Adi-Mundi to assist him in the Battle of Mygeeto, their predicament set them back." This is not really relevant to Piru, so if you want to retain it I'd like to hear a case for its inclusion. I'll just say that with a short article like this, drawing focus to the hero, in this case K'Kruhk, can detract from its focus on Piru considerably.
 * 9) **Agreed, so I removed that bit entirely.
 * 10) * "Shortly after their meals were consumed" &mdash; this reads funny and sounds like the clone troopers were the ones eating. Is this the case?
 * 11) **Addressed; it was actually the whole party who ate and finished at practically the same time.
 * 12) * Can you expand upon what the clone troopers do when they "revolted"; did they start shooting etc?
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * "an unidentified vessel entered the moon" &mdash; I doubt it was hollow :P; please rephrase.
 * 15) **Done.
 * 16) * "they could not know if danger lurked on the vessel." &mdash; this makes it sound as though danger is some sort of object or individual. I get what you mean, but it doesn't read right. Please try rephrasing this.
 * 17) **Done, I hope. Not so sure on it.
 * 18) * "However, the Whiphid's comlink was low on power and his communications were garbled, until it eventually lost all its power. Even though K'Kruhk had told Piru to lead the younglings away from the camp, she was unable to since she never received K'Kruhk's transmission." This needs to be rewritten from Piru's point of view. I.e., from what I understand, Piru is contacted, Piru cannot understand K'Kruhk's warning. If something happens that Piru doesn't know about, only leave it in unless it's of crucial importance to her.
 * 19) **Okay, done. I get what you mean. Done.
 * 20) * "Presumed dead, Piru was left behind since Lumbra claimed dead Jedi were worthless to the Empire." - I took out the superfluous "though", but I'd excise the "since Lumbra claimed dead Jedi were worthless to the Empire." The important detail is that Piru was left behind as she was presumed dead.
 * 21) ** Done.
 * 22) * "As the younglings were taken back to the ship, Kennan Taanzer attempted to reassure his fellow younglings that K'Kruhk would help them." &mdash; remove this please, it's not relevent to Piru.
 * 23) **Whoops, way irrelevant. Got ya.
 * 24) * "which confirmed the rumors they had intercepted over the HoloNet in the past two months." &mdash; this, on the other hand, seems pertinent enough to include the fact that K'Krukh and Piru were intercepting HoloNet transmissions and learned of a Jedi bounty earlier on the article. Please incorporate this information somewhere in the refuge section.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * Again, chronology issues. You discuss Piru and K'Kruhk making a plan (which involves Piru guiding the arrows with the Force) but then don't reveal the plan until it's enacted. That's not very encyclopedaic; it's more like story-telling. If you incorporate the info about K'Kruhk instructing Piru to guide the arrows with the Force, which, although not present in the comic I imagine, can be inferred, that'd work better.
 * 27) **Sorry, got it down now.
 * 28) * You jump from the pirates realizing that the campfire is helping K'Kruhk to it suddenly being dark. I assume the pirates extinguish the campfire, so please include that info.
 * 29) **Done.
 * 30) * "he had overdid it in his attack and asked Piru if she could ever, along with the younglings, get over the way they saw the Jedi Master act that night, which he believed was not Jedi-like." &mdash; colloquial language, a bit of a run on. "Overdid it", "get over" are informal. Something like "come to terms with" or "forgive him for what he felt were actions unworthy of a Jedi." Anyway, split the sentence and re-word the dodgy bits.
 * 31) **Done.
 * 32) * "he would, after Lumbra's ship was repaired, take Piru" &mdahs; that's a peculiar placement for a clause. Watch out for these; it reads much better as ...that after Lumbra's ship had been repaired, he would take Piru"
 * 33) **Done.
 * 34) * "but that he could never stay with them for the way they saw him and be a constant reminder of what occurred on the moon." The "and" doesn't work here, though I get what you're trying to do. How about "...he could no longer stay with them, as he felt that his presence would be a constant reminder of what had occurred on the moon."
 * 35) **Done.
 * 36) * "She also acknowledged, from K'Kruhk, that she understood" &mdash; this doesn't read right; please re-word it.
 * 37) **Indeed it didn't. Addressed.
 * 38) *Well Victor this is very good indeed for a first effort at FAN and the diligence with which you've followed the Manual of Style in terms of writing P&As, P&Ts and BtS sections is clear. What you need to watch out for is your focus; there are times what I felt I was reading K'Kruhk's biography, and it seems very apparent that Piru is a subsidiary character at times. Although context is fine, to preserve the focus on Piru it's best to avoid extensive references to the activities of other characters. The only other thing to watch out for is stuff like unclear antecedents, colloquial phrasing (words like "do her part", "get over the way" etc) and varying sentence structure and how you refer to the characters. As I said though, this is an excellent first effort so keep it up! -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:28, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for the review. I'll finish up the intro objections soon. –<font color="#C33">Victor Squishy Vic.png (<font color="#E33">talk page ) 00:35, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ***Intro addressed.–<font color="#C33">Victor Squishy Vic.png (<font color="#E33">talk page ) 00:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) Attack of the Clone
 * 42) *Please vary "refuge" in the intro and "delay" in the body. I suggest that you scan the article for any other unnecessary word redundancies.
 * 43) *The clone captain appears to need an article stub or at least a link.
 * 44) *That's all from me; excellent work for your first article.  CC7567  (talk) 05:01, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Anyone? –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 03:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *It always takes a while Vic, but don't be disheartened! I won't be able to strike my objections until a week's time so no worries about rushing through them. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:28, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Indeed, almost a month. :P –<font color="#C33">Victor Squishy Vic.png (<font color="#E33">talk page ) 00:35, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Defender (Venator-class)

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 04:14, 14 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Bringing it up from GA status.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1)  Skypopper (HoloNet Transmission) 16:09, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) User:Capt.Scout(Officer report) 16:25, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 05:27, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)
 * 1) Nominator has recently been blocked for a significantly extended period of time and has informed an administrator that he has quit the site. If CC wants to take over this article for the sake of his project, I would be satisfied, but if not, I vote to remove. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:16, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Until he returns, I'm comfortable with handing his nomination for him.  CC7567  (talk) 23:23, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Executor

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:07, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: At the risk of turning this into a cliched acceptance speech blurb, the completion of this article is really a testament to the spirit of community Wookieepedia fosters here. If you're reading this, odds are good that you're one of the many people who helped me in some immeasurable way at some point throughout of putting this article together, be it helping me look up up sources, telling me what I was missing, helping me get images, or just letting me bounce ideas off you, and you know who you are. And I thank you.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total/INQCON 3)
Support > JangFett  Talk 20:36, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Well done, Toprawa. A very interesting read. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:32, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) For what's probably the third time I'm telling you, an excellent read, Toprawa.  CC7567  (talk) 04:13, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 20:23, 16 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 20:36, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) *Let me say that this article is extremely well-put together. The only issue I saw was the images near the bottom of the article don't follow the style of left to right.
 * 3) * "Kendal Ozzel" and "Firmus Piett" and other "Admiralty line of succession" images are aligned at the left. Though it looks good, and I think you were going for that look&mdash;would it be best if it does follow that left to right image placing?
 * 4) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **The left-right alternating thing is a guideline, not a rule, and where this article doesn't alternate, it's for good reason. Indeed, the admiralty section is done like that to give it the "profile" look, and there's nothing wrong with that. And the size of the BTS subsections doesn't afford alternating throughout. With all due respect, we're going to have a long time going if this nomination is peppered with mundane, nitpicky objections like this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:34, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ***No problems Tope. Again, excellent job on the article :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner, part one:
 * 2) * Intro: "...the Executor, at a monumental 19,000 meters long..." - something about the wording just doesn't seem right. Perhaps "in length" rather than "long" would work better.
 * 3) **I agree that "in length" sounds better, and I have changed the introduction wording to that. The reason I had it worded like that is because I didn't want it to read verbatim to what is repeated in the Description section below, which also used the "in length" wording. So, I have moved the "long" wording to the body.
 * 4) * "The Executor's admiralty immediately passed to Firmus Piett" - some context on Piett, please (what was he before becoming admiral; you know the drill).
 * 5) **Added "Captain" Firmus Piett.
 * 6) * Design: "including the dual geodesic KDY ISD-72x deflector shield generator domes—an enlarged version specially developed from those aboard Imperial-class Star Destroyers—which doubled as communications sensor globes, the officers' quarters, briefing rooms, escape pods for the Executor's upper-echelon commanders, and, most importantly, the bridge." - the comma usage seems to indicate that the shield generator domes doubled as sensors, officer quarters, briefing rooms, escape pods, and the bridge. While it's obvious that that is not the case, this needs to be fixed somehow, but I'm not sure what to do with it.
 * 7) **Yes, good catch. I've added semicolons and a minor wording tweak to try and clear that up. I can still do a little more if you feel it needs it.
 * 8) * Design origins: Perhaps you should list some of the incorrect stats that the Imperial Senate reported (the important one being length, maybe number of weapons, etc.).
 * 9) **The source that mentions that does not specify what the incorrectly-stated stats were. It's obviously meant to retcon the length size and weapons inconsistencies across sources, but again, nothing specific is mentioned.
 * 10) * Manufacturing contract: Lusankya should be linked to when discussing the sister ship.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Starkiller's base of operations: "Having learned of Vader's treachery of taking on an apprentice of his own, the Emperor, watching on via hologram, ordered the Dark Lord to kill the apprentice or be killed himself." - aside from the grammatical error (on via), wasn't Palpatine actually there? If I recall correctly, he enters through the bridge doors and then watched Vader throw Starkiller around before turning to leave.
 * 13) **You've caught one of the novel-vs.-video game inconsistencies. From the novel: "PROXY, standing slightly behind their dark Master, transformed by sinister stages into the Emperor, hooded and enshrouded in shadow." I adjusted the sentence a little bit to specify PROXY's involvement, and note that the sentence is also sourced to the novel. The video game seems to imply that the Emperor comes aboard himself, but I guess with a little retconning imagination, you can say that he transformed into PROXY off camera. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:48, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *Part two coming soon. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:40, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) The Moffship, part two:
 * 16) * Imperial admirals' plot to sabotage the Executor project: The caption "Installation of the Executor's massive engines" is a bit misleading, given the fact that the Executor had had her engines installed for over three years prior to this time. Does the comic specifically depict/say that the engines were being installed at that point in time?
 * 17) **I absolutely understand what you're saying, but you've again hit on one of the major TFU inconsistencies. It has engines in TFU, and then two years later at Fondor it's shown without engines without any kind of explanation. I don't know how else to explain what is happening in that picture besides engines installation. FWIW, the BTS does discuss this as much as possible. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:40, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *And now I'm up to "Ambushing the Rebel Fleet." I'll continue with my review when I get a chance. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:24, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Moffship, part three:
 * 20) * Search for the Millennium Falcon: "They included the notorious Boba Fett, who had already been in the Hoth system and had boarded the Executor after responding to an Imperial hyperspace message issued even before the Executor's Hoth arrival that announced a crushing defeat of the Rebel headquarters and a large reward for hunting down Rebels fleeing from the battle" - this is a bit unwieldy, especially when compared to the brief descriptions of the other bounty hunters. Could you shorten it?
 * 21) **Shortened up. If the description is still a bit generous, let me know. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:39, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Chasing Luke Skywalker at Kothlis: "...although Vader had received confirmation that the Millennium Falcon had indeed been the source of the Force signature, and therefore Skywalker." - I think something's missing here.
 * 23) **Reworded for clarity. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:39, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Endor aftermath: Specifically, the info from A Day in the Life. Heir to the Empire reports that the Executor disintegrated upon its collision with the Death Star - a fact mentioned in the Executor entry in the CSWE. So even though the Wister entry makes reference to the remains of the Executor, I still think that the story is non-canon - after all, doesn't the CSWE include entries for other characters who are known to be non-canon?
 * 25) **Not that I know of. I think you might be referring to CSWE making an effort to canonize the Tag & Bink stories as IU tall tales. It's completely contradictory, no doubt, but CSWE does mention the Executor on Endor from the story, and the character bios from the story are both definitely canon entries. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:39, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ***I'll talk to you about this in IRC sometime today. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:11, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "At some point prior to Endor, the Executor and Death Squadron led an attack on an artificially-ringed planet, before an AT-AT assault force was dispatched to the planet's surface. An artist chose to use the Executor's orbital bombardment of the ringed planet to create an illustration of the scene, entitled Executor Executes." - any particular reason why you include this under "Endor aftermath?" It'd probably fit better at the end of "Destruction of Falleen's Fist."
 * 28) **The reason I have it included where it is is because I have tried categorizing this information with regard to the painting, not the battle. There's no indication of when the battle takes place, nor is there any indication of when the painting was released in the IU timeline. So, to be safe, I just put it the end. If you want, I can try rewriting that paragraph to reflect its focus on the painting, rather than the battle. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:39, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***If you could reword it to focus more on the painting, that would probably be better. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:11, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ****Done. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:30, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *And that concludes part three. Part four will start at "Commanders and crew." Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:13, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) From the undisclosed location of Darth Culator:
 * 33) *These are more comments than objections, since I haven't had a chance to really read it in-depth yet, though having watched it take shape I'm fairly certain it will be an easy review.
 * 34) Before Imp objects to it, I'll be rescanning File:ExecutorKrake.jpg soon. (Soon as in actual time, not "soon" as in my usual definition.) Cylka did an admirable job cleaning up the Marvel scan, but it's not ALTAfied and it's the only Marvel image you have left that needs to be. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 15:30, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) I'm doing a link review now. I hope you don't mind if I remove any excess duplicates I may find. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 20:06, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *By all means. Thanks for the scan. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:18, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Only two link destinations were incorrect out of 987 unique links. Link duplication looks good at a glance, but I'm not going to check every one individually because there are 1,339 total links and I'm not COMPLETELY insane. This thing is a beast. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 18:38, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) You have a single ref tag for Fact File 4, but that one is the only Fact File where you list two different relevant articles in the source list (HOT2-HOT4, The Battle of Hoth; OZZ1-OZZ2, Admiral Ozzel). Since the Fact Files were designed to be broken up into a binder and then looked up by the three-letter code, this makes this one ref tag less useful for immediate reference. If the Fact Files were designed like regular magazines, I wouldn't even mention this, but their unique publication format means the ref should probably be split. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:05, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *Luckily for me, they're all from the Ozzel half. Specified/fixed. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:00, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Farlstendoiro has boarded the Executor. Get him out before he can object anything.
 * 41) * Intro: "at a monumental 19,000 meters in lenght". "Monumental" sounds POVish to me.
 * 42) **This is not what POV is. An example of a POV statement in this instance would be something like "The Executor, at 19,000 meters in length, was the greatest starship to ever grace the spacelanes." "Monumental" is a perfectly acceptable descriptive term for its importance and size. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * Intro: "The Executor's admiralty passed to Captain Firmus Piett". Correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand the admiralty is a property of a fleet, a battle group or a navy, never of an individual ship &mdash; which would always be under the orders of her Captain, even if it is the flagship.
 * 44) **I'm afraid you might be thinking on real-world terms, while the Executor and Death Squadron's admiralty-captaincy relationship was rather fuzzy, even on IU terms. The individual in command of the Executor was both the admiral of the ship and of the squadron. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ***If you say so... Then, we should change Admiral, btw.
 * 46) * Intro: "the Executor's relatively short life", again POV'ish.
 * 47) **That's not a POV statement at all. It's referenced in verbatim directly from Complete Locations. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * Description > Design: I know KDY stands for Kuat Drive Yards, but I'd like to avoid ambiguity. Maybe the first mention to Kuat Drive Yards could be "...and Kuat Drive Yards (KDY)".
 * 49) **I don't think this is really a problem. KDY equaling Kuat Drive Yards is really a no-brainer. Maybe if you had said you had issues making this connection yourself, I could see the need. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * Description > Design: "and, most importantly, the bridge." "Most importantly", POV?
 * 51) **No, not POV. The bridge is the command center of any starship, and is easily the most important component of the Executor's bridge module. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * Description > Design: "the enormous primary hangar bay, which was large enough to dock an Imperial Star Destroyer[41] and thousands of starfighters;[5]". Two different sources provide information about the volume of the hangar bay. Are we sure that the hangar can dock both a Destroyer and thousands of fighters? Maybe source #41 says "hangar can dock destroyer", source #5 says "hanger can dock thousands of fighters", and nowhere says "hangar can dock destroyer + fighters". Do you see what I mean?
 * 53) **This is a technique we use when writing articles to "combine" sources of similar information. Unless they're competing, contradictory descriptions of one another, there's nothing wrong with combining this information. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * History > Design origins: There's a reference to the Imperator-class Star Destroyer. I think it should be a link (I understand it's simply the previous name of a known ship, but still).
 * 55) **I don't think that's necessary. We don't link to things twice in the same article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * History > Design origins: First mention to the Emperor Palpatine in the body of the article (not intro) is not a link.
 * 57) **I wouldn't necessarily make this a requirement, considering "Palpatine" is linked to upon first mention, but very well. I've pipelinked "Palpatine" into the first mention of "Emperor," but this is something I would recommend you changing yourself rather than taking the time to make an objection out of it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * History > Starkiller's base of operations: "liberated his his allies nevertheless". His his.
 * 59) **I have fixed this, but going along with my comments on the previous objection, please go in and fix these minor things yourself. It would have taken you less time and effort to change this than the time it took to make this objection. This is an instance of what those in the Inquisitorius jokingly term . Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * History > Imperial admirals' plot to sabotage the Executor project. As the opening quote talks about "prestige and power", could you use synonyms when saying in 3rd paragraph that the admirals "would suffer a great loss of power and prestige"?
 * 61) **Good catch. I remember this bugging me when I was writing this. Changed. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * History > Maiden voyage and approach to Yavin 4: "No, Admiral…it is just beginning!" Suggestion: Add a space after … and maybe capitalize "it".
 * 63) **That would not be correct. This is exactly how it is presented in the comic. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * History > Probe droids launched and Circarpous V. "With the aid of the Force-magnifying influence of the Kaiburr crystal, Skywalker defeated Vader in a lightsaber duel despite being far from a match for Vader's might." Confusing, I suggest rewording. Skywalker was not a match for Vader's might without the influence of the Kaiburr, so the sentence should be ordered otherwise: "Skywalker dueled Vader with lightsaber", plus "Skywalker was not a match for Vader" but "as Skywalker was under the Force-magnifying influence of the Kaiburr crystal", "Skywalker defeated Vader".
 * 65) **I think your suggested rewording just makes the sentence unnecessarily convoluted and actually more confusing than it is now. But, I have reworded the sentence slightly to hopefully make it less confusing: "Skywalker defeated Vader in a lightsaber duel with the aid of the Force-magnifying influence of the Kaiburr crystal, despite being far from a match for Vader's might, and he escaped once again." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * History > Battle of Hoth. Some context for Maximilian Veers, including the fact that he was among the crew of the Executor, his role on the ship, maybe the fact that he was under Ozzel's command and, if my memory serves right, that Veers tried to excuse Ozzel's mistake (ESB radio drama).
 * 67) **I have provided a bit more context for Veers, but that he's the general in charge of the Executor's forces is all the context that is ever given for him, and he was no more under Ozzel's command than he was under Vader's. Moreover, his being aboard the Executor is really a given, and I don't feel we need to restate the obvious. These types of specifics are covered in the article's "Commanders and crew" section. Also, you are mistaken about the ESB radio drama exchange. Vader challenges Veers to defy Ozzel's command for the latter's stupidity, but Veers refrains from badmouthing his superior officer. He does not apologize for Ozzel. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * History > Search for the Millenium Falcon. Context of IG-88B including its relationship with the previously-mentioned IG-88A, particularly as it is referred later. I would also like a mention to the Gand Findsman Zuckuss, but only because I like Zuckuss; I'll understand if you don't want to.
 * 69) **Both of these are unnecessary for the purposes of this article in that they would just go off on unnecessary tangents of extraneous detail. Especially in the case of an article this size, the description should be kept as narrow to the point as possible. A link is provided for IG-88B should anyone wish to read into the character Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * History > Search for the Millenium Falcon. "but Vader did not care. He had lost his patience with the Executor's crew, who had failed him time and time again" You have already said that; maybe you could use a shorter sentence?
 * 71) **Really, I'm not sure what the problem is here. There's nothing here that is grossly repeated, and it's not overly wordy. I think this is necessary description for the focus of Piett's dilemma in that paragraph. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * History > Invasion of Mygeeto. 'Among the pilots transferring was the "Imperial Ace."' The quotation marks are confusing. Could it be reworded to 'the sentient known only as "Imperial Ace"' or 'code-named "Imperial Ace"'
 * 73) **That would probably be bordering on Original Research. I don't think we can definitively state that he was "only known as" the Imperial Ace or that that was his code name. Information on the character is extremely limited since he was only featured in a cell phone game, and I think it works fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * History > Return to Coruscant. Context for Kallic?
 * 75) **There is none, which is why I have not provided any. The quote at the top of that section is the only place Kallic is ever mentioned. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * History > Feigning pursuit of the Death Star plans. "Soon enough, the Feylya's Pride". One apostrophe missing.
 * 77) **Fixed, but I call once more upon the clause. You could have changed this yourself in less time than it took to make the objection. Please handle these things yourself next time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) * History > Destruction of Falleen's Fist. "the two minutes expired with no word from Xizor". Please, add the reason: Did Xizor try to communicate and failed to broadcast his surrender? Or did he believe that Vader was bluffing? I think this is a very important point.
 * 79) **Description added. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * History > Protecting the Death Star construction site > "The Executor remained in Endor's orbit above the incomplete Death Star[105] while Vader departed in his shuttle to board the battlestation.[45][106] The Executor also regrouped with the Star Destroyers of Death Squadron at Endor.[7]" Reading this, I thought that the Executor dropped Vader on Endor and then left to re-join the Death Squadron somewhere else in the system. Suggested rewording: "Remained in Endor's orbit above the incomplete Death Star" + ", regrouping with the Star Destroyers of Death Squadron" + "while Vader departed yada yada".
 * 81) **I am sorry if you had trouble with this interpretation, but I think you're just reading into this far too much. The only thing going on at Endor is the Death Star, in Endor's orbit. Where else would they be regrouping? I don't think a change is needed. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * History > Battle of Endor. "The unorthodox Rebel tactic proved incredibly effective" Maybe you could add who in the Rebel fleet suggested the tactic?
 * 83) **Added. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * History > Death of a giant and Imperial fallout. "Piett believed that the Rebels were doomed from the beginning, and once the Rebel Fleet first advanced upon the Executor and the Star Destroyers in response to the Death Star firing, he was already beaten" Don't get it. Piett mistakenly believed that?
 * 85) **No, it's stating a fact. By that point in the battle, Piett (meaning his forces too) was a beaten man. I've made a very minor wording tweak here. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * History > Death of a giant and Imperial fallout. "All hands onboard died with the Executor." No evacuation attempt was made? Why? Or maybe it was made and failed? Why?
 * 87) **There is no canonical example of any kind of evacuation attempt being made, and so nothing of the sort is described in this article. Adding any kind of description like that would be fanon. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * History > Endor aftermath. Rewording of quote caption: I wouldn't want anyone to believe that Madine said the first line.
 * 89) **I would seriously question the analytical skills of anyone who did. I think the implication that Madine is debunking the belief that the Executor is attacking is made perfectly clear here, beside the fact that two separate quotations are presented. Moreover, there is no information regarding who said the first line, it was really just a sort of random shout coming from a crowd. I'm sorry, but I don't believe a change is necessary. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * History > Executor's Legacy. "Pellaeon often wondered how the Battle of Endor's outcome might have been different if it had been Thrawn commanding the Executor, rather than Vader." Was Vader commanding the Executor during the Battle of Endor? The article seems to suggest that it was Piett, with Vader busy elsewhere (Mostly the Death Star, the planetary surface, wherever). Maybe Pellaeon misunderstood it, or maybe I'm misunderstanding?
 * 91) **I understand your concern, and that is indeed what it seems to suggest, but that is the description as it is exactly presented from the source. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * Commanders and crew > Kendal Ozzel. "Vader agreed to install him". Agreed with whom? (something already explained under History, but it would be nice to see it repeated here). Current wording only says that naming Ozzel wasn't Vader's idea.
 * 93) **There is really no clear connection between who Vader interacted with outside of Mara Jade to install Ozzel as the Executor's commander. Adding anything of that sort would be OR/fanon. What exactly would you suggest? Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * Commanders and crew > Kendal Ozzel. "the Dark Lord executed him for his blunder, the second Executor admiral to receive such a punishment" Question: Is the source adamantly specific on Ozzel being the second Executor admiral killed by Vader? As far as I know at this point, maybe there was an interim admiral between Nameless Guy and Bentro, who lasted five minutes and then was killed by Vader. Maybe this guy was admiral during, say, Bentro's holiday or sick leave or anything. Simply tell me: Is there a source saying "Ozzel was the 2nd Executor admiral killed by Vader", or are we making assumptions?
 * 95) **I see your point. I've tweaked the wording to accommodate this possibility. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) * Commanders and crew > Firmus Piett. "Miraculously, Piett survived execution after Skywalker..." Did he? There was no execution. This seems to suggest that Vader strangled Piett with the intent of killing him, but that the Dark Lord failed somehow.
 * 97) **Changed "survived" to "avoided." Again, . Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * Commanders and crew > Firmus Piett. "this time around Vader simply left the bridge, too shaken from his encounter with Skywalker on Cloud City." I think the "History" section suggested that Vader could have killed Piett (was not too shaken to execute him), but consciously decided not to, as Piett as not responsible of anything.
 * 99) **I'm merely describing what the sources say, be they contradictory or not. I'm not sure what you want me to do here, but I don't feel a discussion regarding a possible contradiction of Vader's mindset is so relevant to this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) * Commanders and crew > Firmus Piett. "Piett had escaped his fate where the Executor's previous admirals had not." POVish, and inexact: Not all the previous admirals were executed by Vader; Griff died in combat. Unless you mean death in general.
 * 101) **Well, this is not what POV is. It is a technically incorrect statement, however, which I have tweaked for accuracy. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) * Commanders and crew > Secondary commanders. I've just discovered here that Venka replaced Piett as the captain of the Executor when Piett was promoted. This is important enough to be mentioned under the "History" section.
 * 103) * Commanders and crew > Secondary commanders. Are we sure the captain in Star Wars 63: The Mind Spider is not the same guy as the captain in Shadows of the Empire? Why?
 * 104) **This would be fanon to make this connection. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * Non-canon history > Star Wars: X-Wing. This description could use a date. When was Farlander captured? Or, more exactly: When does the plot of SW:XW takes place?
 * 106) **This isn't really necessary. The game spans the duration of Operation: Skyhook, but the Executor has no real role in the game, only appearing as a non-canon cut scene. The only time the Executor ever truly has a role in the game (which was removed in the 1995 re-release) is during the Battle of Tatooine from the beginning of ANH, which is all properly described in the article. If someone wants to read into the details of the game's canonical history, they can click that article's link. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * Star Wars: Rebellion (video game). Should this be added to the Non-canon history or the BtS? I think Executor is only a default name for any Superdestroyer the Imperial player/AI builds.
 * 108) **It should not. The Executor is only indirectly mentioned in the in-game Piett encyclopedia entry, which is canon. The Executor has no role in the non-canon portion of the game. The game has a number of randomly-generated names, Executor included, which the AI can apply to any given starship at any time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) * Btw, I created and stubbed an article for Atari, just to avoid redlinks, hope you don't mind. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:14, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) One more time, with feeling:
 * 111) You mention ending Black Sun's influence in the intro, but not in the body. It should be mentioned in both, though a less definitive wording like "thrown into disarray" would probably be more accurate. Rebellion Era Campaign Guide (p. 145) mentions that "The loss of Xizor decimates Black Sun in the months prior to the Battle of Endor, sparking an internal power struggle that lasts for several years," which I think is relevant to the legacy of the ship that killed him. (Incidentally, this seems to be the only mention of the Executor in the RECG, but that means it needs to go in the sources section so you may as well ref this to it.) -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 21:15, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) Harrar - Description section
 * 113) *"Although the command tower....making such Imperial opulence a possibility." &mdash; I'm not sure opulence is the best word to use here. The majority of definitions which I looked up have it as closely linked to wealth, and that's certainly the connotation readers will receive. The command tower's positioning has little to do with wealth, surely?
 * 114) *While you'll probably contend that "like the gaping maw of some beast" comes from the sources you've used, I feel that similes are usually out of place in an encyclopedia. If you can think of another way to provide a description for the chamber than that'd be great; if not then I'll retract the objection.

Comments
 * 1) Guys, I swear to you that one of the load screens from the Xbox 360 version of The Force Unleashed mentioned Executor as the Mammoth Star Destroyer. I think I mentioned this on the article's talk page before (here) but it was never backed up. Can somebody please look into this now that it's going up for FA? I think that the nickname or title or whatever of the "Mammoth Star Destroyer" should be mentioned somewhere. This is more of a general statement, sort of an objection until this is looked into... –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 06:46, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *As I stated on the talk page, there's no indication that that's meant to be anything but a general description for a "large Star Destroyer," and I would question the sanity of anyone who would think otherwise, though I know there are some out there who will. Regardless, this would probably be information more relevant to the Executor-class article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:28, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Well that's a bit insulting, especially considering you haven't even seen it yourself, but okay–point taken. It won't be looked into. –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 03:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***That's not meant to be insulting at all, but you can interpret it like that if you like. It's called a "mammoth Star Destroyer," which isn't indication of being a ship class, like "Mammoth-class Star Destroyer" would be. You're more than welcome to look into it, but I think, as I've stated, it has more to do with the Executor's class. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:51, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Like I explained before, it didn't come up as "mammoth", it came up as "the Mammoth Star Destroyer". –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 04:09, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****What would you suggest exactly? I'm not sure where this would go other than a short BTS note. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:14, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Meh, I guess you're right, since the ship already has a class. Oh well. –<font color="#C33">Victor Squishy Vic.png (<font color="#E33">talk page ) 05:27, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Dunno if it's any use to you for the length stuff in the BTS, but there's a comment here by one of the Forces of Corruption developers about the scaling of the Executor model in the game. --  I need a name  ( Complain here ) 18:24, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Attack on the Endar Spire

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:23, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: For the Republic. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:23, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) Excellent job. Well done.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:13, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) It's good, but...
 * 2) * All instances of "Master" should be capitilized.
 * 3) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:35, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * After you mention "Bastila Shan" the first time, all references to her should be made with her surname.
 * 5) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:35, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * After fighting their way to the bridge, Revan and Ulgo found it devoid of Republic soldiers. Overran by the Sith, a group of Sith soldiers attacked the pair. Fending them off, they received word from Onasi that Shan had escaped in an escape pod. Didn't Revan receive this message from Onasi after Ulgo distracted Bandon?
 * 7) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:35, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * With Brejik dead, the trio returned to Onasi and Revan’s base of operations. When you play the game, only Revan and Shan return to the hideout, and Onasi goes, "Bastila, you're alive" and so forth.
 * 9) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:35, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *Take care of these, and I'll be happy to support the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:59, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 12) * "Attacking it with squadrons of Sith fighters, Darth Bandon, Malak's apprentice, led a boarding party of Sith troopers and Dark Jedi onto the Endar Spire." - did Bandon lead the fighter attack? If not, this sentence should be broken up or reworded.
 * 13) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Now it's a bit awkward. Still needs to be reworded somehow. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:11, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Alright. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Still not fixed. "Attacking it with Sith fighters" is grammatically incorrect where you have it. There needs to be subject-verb agreement in that sentence, and I don't even think using "attack" as a verb here would be a good idea. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:09, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Revan, reaching Onasi and the final escape pod, escaped from the ship with the others who had reached the escape pods." - too many forms of "escape." Please substitute.
 * 18) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "...Malak aimed to pull the Endar Spire out of hyperspace and attack it with his forces. When the Leviathan pulled the Endar Spire out of hyperspace, the Sith fleet attacked." - too much repetition.
 * 20) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "...in an attempt to capture Shan alive so that the Sith Empire could use her battle meditation ability." - how would capturing Bastila allow the Sith Empire to use her battle meditation?
 * 22) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***It's still not clear how they would be able to use her ability. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:11, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Added. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***You misunderstood me here - I'm not asking for context on battle mediation; I'm asking for you to clarify how turning Bastila to the dark side would allow the Sith to use her ability. Would she then use it willingly, or would the Sith have to do something else? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:09, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Former Sith Lord and Sith Master of Darth Malak, the amnesiac Revan, was serving as a newly recruited soldier for the Republic." - you need to briefly explain how Revan came to be on the Endar Spire here.
 * 27) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***The transition from Bastila's ability to Revan being aboard the Endar Spire is very sudden. Plus, you mention that Revan awoke when the battle started, but then you state that Ulgo woke him. Which is it? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:11, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ***Still no good. I'd mention Revan in the prelude, and it would be there that I'd give the details on how he came to be on the ship. Where it is now makes little sense. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:09, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *"The Sith troops who had boarded had engaged the Republic, the Jedi fighting Malak's Dark Jedi and the soldiers from both factions engaging in combat." - this is a bit awkward; please reword or even split it up.
 * 32) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ***"The Sith troops who had boarded had engaged the Republic." - seems a bit unnecessary on its own; please merge with the following sentence. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:11, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Alright. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Still not addressed. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:09, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * "The Sith fleet, not wishing to kill Shan, did not direct firepower that would destroy the ship against the Endar Spire." - "destroy the ship against the Endar Spire"? What?
 * 37) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "...they knew Shan would be attempting to escape in an escape pod." - like one above, you should substituted "escape" with something else.
 * 39) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ***Hasn't been fixed. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:11, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Whoops, my bad. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * "In order to save Revan ... the Sith fleet destroyed the Endar Spire." - this entire paragraph is filled with way too many "escape"s and "escaped"s. Please find some appropriate synonyms to use.
 * 43) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Lastly, in the Aftermath section, I think you should occasionally use pronouns and other terms (like "the Jedi") when referring to Bastila. There are an awful lot of "Shan"s as-is. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:13, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) **All addressed; thanks for the review so far, Tranner. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:55, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***As far as I know, Bastila was not the commander of the Endar Spire. Please rephrase/replace. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:11, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:48, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Andeddu

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 03:43, 19 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments:So, dog&mdash;have you discovered my final secret?

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 0)
Support
 * 1) After some minor corrections of my own. Nice work. –<font color="#C33">Victor Squishy Vic.png (<font color="#E33">talk page ) 05:24, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Thanks, Vic. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 22:09, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) As always, great job, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:31, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * File:Andeddu'sKeep.jpg needs to be cropped better. Letterbox frames are visible in the upper left corner. Additionally, the speech bubble text must be restored, to comply with Images. I am also not 100% pleased with the quality of File:AndedduLavaMaker.jpg; there is some distortion. Perhaps Redemption could be persuaded to re-scan the images in question? This objection falls under rules 4 and 16 of the FAN criteria. --Imperialles 12:49, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *First one has been addressed, and awaiting response from Redemption regarding the second one. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 18:37, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Both have been addressed. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 04:23, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I trust you'll be updating this when Dynasty of Evil comes out? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:07, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Of course. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 15:02, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Not really an objection, but shouldn't the paragraph in the BTS about his appearances be referenced? Just wondering, since I had to do that for Malak, Bandon, and Nord.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:31, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Those are self-sourcing statements, which do not require reftags. The ones that are not have all been sourced. Thanks for the review, Kasra. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 23:18, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Duel on Rhen Var

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 11:43, 19 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments:I am still Wookieepedia's resident Battlemaster.
 * Really? ;) &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:22, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total/INQCON 3)
Support
 * 1) Looks fine to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:49, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) I always loved the end of this duel. Very powerful. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:22, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:20, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Not long, but damn good. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 11:43, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Not officially an objection, but why is Qel-Droma under the casualties sections for both his own side and civilians? I'm a bit confused, as Hoggon isn't officially part of the duel and isn't listed in the infobox, and therefore Qel-Droma wouldn't be a civilian casualty.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Skytop Station

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 07:58, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes with CC's Droid Retrieval project

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:22, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 19:23, 25 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 14:27, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) * Throughout the article, you say the group were going to target the repulsorlift generators. However in the episode, their target was the main reactor. The reactor was protected by the rayshield.
 * 3) **Okay, I see what you mean.
 * 4) * This may be a speculation but possibly the repulsorlift generators were near the reactor at the time of the station exploding, which caused the Federation core ship to fall.
 * 5) **I think it's a little to speculatory to say that, but I worded it vaguely enough to work out. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:18, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Indeed, I'll review it again soon. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Bah, relapse of Droid Retrieval...
 * 2) * "Although Ventress detested the principals behind the listening post": specifically what kind of principals?
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Are you sure that it was specifically "Republic Intelligence" that confirmed the station's existence? In Wild Space, I believe it was only referred to simply as "intelligence," and same with "Downfall of a Droid."
 * 5) **Episode guide calls it Repubic Intelligence. I reffed it as such.
 * 6) * For the events surrounding Nachkt's obtaining of R2-D2 and his deal with Grievous, as well as the Mission to suspected Confederate space, can the events be placed better chronologically? They're currently a bit confusing.
 * 7) **Ehrm. Gimme a little bit on that one.
 * 8) ***Better? If I introduce Nachkt any earlier it starts having more focus on Bothawui and less on Skytop Station.
 * 9) * For the second paragraph of "Destruction", "although" starts off sentences twice. Can at least one be varied?
 * 10) **First was changed.
 * 11) * You vary between R3-S6/R3 and R2-D2/R2; can you try to use the droids' full names for consistency? I ran into the same problem when I did the event articles, but I found it was clearer to be consistent.
 * 12) **Done.
 * 13) * "under his watch": this is a bit unspecific and also a bit unclear; can you reword it?
 * 14) **Taken care of.
 * 15) * I would suggest listing Katuunko's DB entry under the Sources, as it was the only place that confirmed the use of Skytop Station to intercept the meeting between the king and the Supreme Chancellor.
 * 16) **In there.
 * 17) * Any more Bts info that might be out there, either from the video commentaries, the episode guides, or any sourcebooks?  CC7567  (talk) 07:22, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **The video commentary pertains exclusively to the Tano/Grievous duel. And the Episode guides have nothing applicable. As far as sourcebooks go, I skimmed the Campaign Guide yesterday and found nothing. It's kind of a straight forward piece of equipment. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 23:57, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Kay, last one for now. "Unbeknownst to both Nachkt and Grievous, R2-D2 was never issued a memory wipe, and therefore still retained information on Republic bases and strategies." Can this be moved down, or just removed completely? I'm not getting why it's relevant enough to be mentioned so early here.  CC7567  (talk) 17:57, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Outta there. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:37, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) Clone Attack II
 * 22) * This is purely superficial, but can you try to standardize the size of the intro paragraphs? They're a bit uneven.
 * 23) **Eh, I'll work on it. It's a little tough because it's a pretty clear separation between a descriptive paragraph and then a historical paragraph, but gimme a bit and I'll see what I can do.
 * 24) ***If you can't work with changing the split, then you can just leave it as it is; it was more of a comment than an objection. I'm striking this, and I'll leave it up to you what you do with it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:22, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * "giving the Confederacy the ability to ambush Republic fleets": can you try rewording this? I know that this is essentially what the information gave the Confederacy, but it's a bit too general and unspecific. Perhaps something regarding the station's ability to ambush the fleets with the information?
 * 26) **Better?
 * 27) * Can something be said of Tano and Rex's rescue of Skywalker during his scouting mission? I know that it's slightly unrelated to Skytop Station itself, but it's a bit unclear about how they became involved.
 * 28) **Taken care of.
 * 29) * In the second paragraph "Destruction", two sentences begin with "although"; please vary at least one of them.
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * Similarly, in the next paragraph, two sentences begin with "as"; please vary sentence structure.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "Momentarily captured" isn't working very well; it sounds like Tano was captured for "a short amount of time", meaning that she already escaped.
 * 34) **Removed.
 * 35) * Is there a reason its appearance in "Downfall of a Droid" is "referenced to"? Mentioning it this way in the Bts is fine, but I would suggest changing it to Mo or Imo in the Appearances section.
 * 36) **Fixed.
 * 37) *Good work, Trayus.  CC7567  (talk) 21:04, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Thank you. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:33, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 14:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * My jury is still out on the necessity of a commanders and crew section. So if you think it's needed, let me know. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 07:58, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Well, we know that Skytop was crewed by Aqualish technicians, and it also appears that Grievous was in command of the station for some time. So I'd say that a commanders and crew section should be written up, even if it's very short. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:00, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * There's one in there now. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:33, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Fixed quite a few spelling errors. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Tao

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 23:51, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Current GA

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1) Your linking was seriously lacking though. Make sure you've got that fixed before you nominate an article, please.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:08, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) What is the source for the 1 ABY date? AFAIK, the comic itself doesn't state that Tao died exactly one year after Yavin, it could as well be 0 ABY. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Having dealt with this story when writing the Executor article, the comic itself does not provide a hard date, so specifying 1 ABY explicitly is probably unfounded, but a general date can be had when taking into consideration that the Executor is apparently first arriving over Coruscant some time not long after completion, which would give us a date of somewhere circa 0.5 ABY - 1 ABY. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:23, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) The article is fairly good shape, but I've spotted a few issues. First, I agree with QuiGonJinn; it'd be best to use "circa" or "c." beforehand, but cite a source. Second, the intro needs to be expanded. There appears to be enough info to sustain at least two paragraphs. Fix those and I believe the article is sound enough to be passed.  The Flash  {talk} 21:21, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *He died shortly after the Executor was finished. When was that?--Kreivi Wolter 05:56, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Around 3 BBY.  The Flash  {talk} 17:44, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Can you try and recheck the P&T and P&A? I'm noticing a lot of redundancy between them and the bio, and I'm not sure if all of the detail is necessary.  CC7567  (talk) 23:04, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I don't take credit for writing this article, but as a 1500 GA, I'm nominating it and will see it through the FAN process. --Eyrezer 23:51, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Young-Elders War

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:52, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My fourth completed article and first one long enough to qualify for FA. Part of JonathanProject:Obi-Wan left the Jedi.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total/INQCON 2)
Support > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:20, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) How could I not? —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 04:17, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 17:47, 28 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:38, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Blacklist:
 * 2) * "Yoda sent Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his thirteen-year-old Padawan to rescue Tahl." You need to state who the Padawan is at this point, since you start the next paragraph off talking about him, like he's already been mentioned.
 * 3) **Facepalm. How did I forget that? Addressed.
 * 4) * "Breaking the rules of his apprenticeship, he agreed to help Cerasi and the Young with their plan and participate in the early stages of one of the attacks." How exactly was Kenobi breaking the rules of his apprenticeship?
 * 5) **The source is a bit unclear, but I've clarified it slightly.
 * 6) *Gotta get ready for my football game. More to come later. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 11:45, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **No problem. I'll look forward to the rest of your review. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:01, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Didn't The Middle Generation ally themselves with the Young near the end of the war? Why aren't they in the infobox?
 * 9) **The Middle Generation allied with the Young at the end of the war, not "near" the end of the war&mdash;specifically after the attack on the spaceport, which was the battle that ended the war. Since they never actually participated in the war, I didn't list them. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Again, the infobox. As I remember, Wehutti was one of the Elders' leaders. If I'm correct, you should add him to the "commanders" field.
 * 11) **In The Defenders of the Dead, it's stated that Wehutti was a Melida leader before the Young-Elders War, but no source explicitly states that he was a commander in the war itself. For all we know, he could be just a political leader and not a military leader. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * I'm sure that the war was mentioned several times in the subsequent books. Something along the lines of "Obi-Wan leaving the Order" counts at least as an indirect mention.
 * 13) **I think that counting every mention of Obi-Wan leaving the Order as an indirect mention of the war might be stretching things a bit, but there might be a few that actually have an indirect mention of the war itself (e.g. I think the The Captive Temple mentions Obi-Wan interfering in a planet's internal affairs, now that I think about it). I'll look into this as soon as I can get the books from the library, but if it only mentions Obi-Wan's resignation in relation to his relationship with Qui-Gon, I wouldn't call it an indirect mention of the war itself. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Mostly addressed. I'm still waiting on The Shattered Peace and The Followers, however; both are listed in my library account as "in transit", so I should have them later today (Thursday). &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:48, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Nothing about the war itself in The Shattered Peace. As far as The Followers, I misread my account; it was a different book labeled "in transit", and the only copy of The Followers in the system is out and not due back until 7/14, so it could be a while before I can get my hands on it. Xwing328, Grunny, and JangFett appear to have it, so I'll see if I can get ahold of one of them. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Nothing in The Followers, so this one appears to be fully addressed. Thanks for the review. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:33, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Will give an in-depth review later. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Will give an in-depth review later. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Could not find anything else to object to. I remember writing this one a while ago. Great job on expanding and improving it. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) For now, please try to avoid getting dash-happy. There are a ton of unnecessary dashes throughout the article in places where commas would suffice.  CC7567  (talk) 05:34, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Number of dashes significantly reduced to no more than two per paragraph. I have to admit I do tend to use dashes a little too much. Thanks for the first look. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:49, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Will properly review soon.  CC7567  (talk) 17:51, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Attack of the Clone
 * 5) *For the 'War for peace' section, I'd prefer if you chose either the quote under the main header or the quotes in the subsections. It's a bit overkill with that many quotes in the article, and it would be the equivalent of providing a quote for each section and subsection.
 * 6) **After some consideration, one of the quotes has been moved to the top of the article and is now the lead quote. Another one was deleted in the section merge you asked for below. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *Is it possible for the two subsections under "The Jedi" to be merged and removed? The Jedi's mission is collectively both subsections, and there's a bit excess subsectioning.
 * 8) **Done. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Similarly, can the subsections in "Peace refused" be eliminated? Since the sections are so closely related, they're a bit scanty in their current state.
 * 10) **Done. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *You're using "however" rather extensively throughout the article, and it's getting repetitive; please go through and either vary or remove some of them. I would also recommend checking for other redundant conjunctions.
 * 12) **Several instances have been changed and a few have been completely removed.
 * 13) *I'd like to hear your reasoning on why mentioning the "mentions" of the war in the other Jedi Apprentice books are necessary. Only its direct appearances in media and sourcebooks appear to be warranted.
 * 14) **After thinking about it some, the Apprentice mentions have been condensed into a single sentences with a note explaining that they come primarily as Obi-Wan reflects on the past, which ties into the second paragraph of the BTS. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *Good work.  CC7567  (talk) 20:29, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Thanks for the review. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 2,441 words at last count, so not real long. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:52, 27 June 2009 (UTC)

Little Bivoli

 * Nominated by:Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:50, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Long story short, I killed off the GAN and put it up for my first FAN.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) I fixed all instances of "Heirogryph", back to "Hierogryph". Looks good, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * File:Bivolimess.jpg needs to be re-uploaded with the speech bubbles restored. --Imperialles 10:16, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 18:33, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Attack of the Clone
 * 3) * Is it "Little Bivoli", as the title states, or "the Little Bivoli"? Please try to be consistent.
 * 4) **The ship is called "Little Bivoli" but one refers to it as "the Little Bivoli", as with the Executor. I fixed all instances to "the Little Bivoli". Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "the outer parts of the these were on the diagonal surfaces of the vessel, and when open, would not beneath the partial shelter of the overhanging hull, meaning that these parts were not protected from rain.": please check this; it seems like there's something missing after "would not".
 * 6) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Please vary "located".
 * 8) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *"This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him, declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for person to whom a life-debt was being pledged, the to pay him." Please check this sentence, particularly the last part.
 * 10) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***"This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him; declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for the person to whom a life-debt was being pledged." Your semicolon usage is improper here, and it disrupts the sentence flow. Please either replace it with what it was before or rephrase it.  CC7567  (talk) 17:49, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Sorry, fixed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:40, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "They were ordered to merge into formation for a hyperspace jump bound for Serroco": who's "they"? The previous sentences brings up more subjects that could serve as the subject of this sentence. Please clarify.
 * 14) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *Overall, I'm noticing a distinct underusage of commas. Please go through the article again and make sure that none of the sentences are run-ons, because that's what the lack of commas are causing.
 * 16) **I noticed that it was a case of too many commas in some places and none where they were needed. I've fixed them and a disjointed sentence or two. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *I'll continue with "Camp Three" soon.  CC7567  (talk) 05:51, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to Rodia

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 22:20, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part one of Capture of the Wealthworm. (Not a CloneProject, cuz this time there are others involved. :P) But by far, not my favorite when there's so much more interesting stuff out there.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object
 * 1) Redlink in the intro.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 08:49, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Ugh. Taken care of.  CC7567  (talk) 01:39, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Check the BTS of the Bombad Jedi. The fact that Quinlan Vos was at some point going to present during those events should be mentioned in BTS.  Mauser  Comlink 23:10, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Bah...forgot that. Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 00:06, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not striking it since it wasn't a formal objection to begin with. :)  Mauser  Comlink 00:28, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Qu Rahn
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:03, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Part 2 of QuiGon Project: Dark Forces

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:19, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 15:52, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:31, 30 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:31, 30 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 18:37, 30 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:36, 1 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:50, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) I've been waiting for this for a long time (Farlstendoiro)
 * 2) * Early life, 3rd paragraph, has a link to Emperor Palpatine. I suggest two links instead, Emperor Palpatine.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Vader killed all the Jedi at the location—except for Rahn himself. Do we know why he did not kill Rahn? If so, I think it should be explained.
 * 5) **The source does not specify how he survived. Actually, it does not state that Rahn was the only survivor either, so I reworded it.
 * 6) * Please add some context about Yoda surviving Order 66, exiling in Dagobah and -more important- why Rahn knows about Yoda's position.
 * 7) **Addressed. Again, the source does not specify how Rahn learned about Yoda's exile.
 * 8) * After his meeting with Yoda, Rahn became determined to find the Valley of the Jedi in order to free the spirits trapped there so they could join the Force, thus preventing any possibility of the valley's power being used for evil. "Thus preventing" suggests (at least to me) that Rahn, merely by becoming determined, prevented that possibility. I suggest rewording.
 * 9) **Reworded.
 * 10) * Ultimately, Jerec caught wind of Rahn's search. Hoping to find the valley in order to obtain its power, he initiated his own search. I know "he" refers to Jerec, but it might refer to either Jerec or Rahn. Change for "The Inquisitor" or something?
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * I seem to remember that, when Rahn met Morgan Katarn, the former found some connection between his new friend's surname and the clan Rahn had studied at; Rahn gave some importance to that, believing it was a signal from the Force. I don't remember the source. Do you know something about this?
 * 13) **The only mention of the Katarn clan comes from The Dark Forces Saga. The similarity between the clan's name and Morgan's surname is noted there, but there is no indication that Rahn gave it some importance. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * I also seem to remember that, when Rahn attacked the Dark Side Elite, the officers in the bridge rushed to help the Elite; Jerec, however, ordered them not to, as fighting a real Jedi could be a good exercise for the Elite. Again, I can't remember which adaptation of Dark Forces II it was.
 * 2) **I'm aware of this, it's from the Rebel Agent novel. However, I fail to see how this can be relevant to Rahn's article. It only shows how Jerec treated his underlings, something that IMO has no direct relation to Rahn. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***I was thinking it could mean that Jerec respected Rahn or Rahn's prowess to an extent - but never mind.
 * 2) ****Well, it doesn't really show Jerec's respect. Jerec just says: The practice will do them good, and I think that's all that he meant. Not a specific practice with Rahn, but practice against Jedi in general. Just to let you know. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Rahn answered that "that" was entirely up to him. Can you reword that that "that"?
 * 2) **Dunno how to reword it. Changed to italics, like in Yun's article. It worked fine there...
 * 3) * Rahn almost hoped that Jerec would find him, so he could exact justice on the Miraluka. This is the first mention to Jerec being a Miraluka, which is a not-so-known species. Could you add "the Miraluka Inquisitor", "the Miraluka Dark Jedi" or something? Just to remove any ambiguity.
 * 4) **Changed "the Miraluka" to "the Inquisitor". This way, there won't be any ambiguity for sure.
 * 5) * "Telekinesis" is not written with a capital letter.
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * A mention to Socorran (language) redirects to Socorro (planet). Correct it.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) ***Just corrected a typo myself, hope you don't mind.
 * 10) * The BtS could use an image of the "Dark Rahn", if available.
 * 11) **Added. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *That all. Seriously, I had this article in my watchlist and was eager to see it nominated ;) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:42, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Thanks for your review. Sorry for keeping you waiting. I started working on it a while ago, but then I was a little busy, and then I was a little bored. Now that I'm back to writing, stay tuned for Gorc and Maw, and eventually to the rest of Seven Dark Jedi )) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **Proccessed what you've done; some objections still pending. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 18:10, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Priestly duties
 * 3) * "a powerful Force nexus which contained numerous Jedi souls" &mdash; can we add that they were trapped souls?
 * 4) **We can :P
 * 5) * "Rahn instructed to pass the information about the Valley to Morgan's son, Kyle." &mdash; you're missing something after "instructed".
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * "in order to obtain its power" - obtain doen't read like the right choice here; that sounds like a sceptre of Ragnos style power appropriation. Maybe "harness" would work better. Thoughts?
 * 8) **"Harness" is OK.
 * 9) * Context in the main body on the Separatist Crisis please.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * "Although Rahn was baffled by both the new knowledge and the weapon Yoda gave him, Rahn accepted it and vowed to protect the lightsaber as it would him." - It's unclear whether you want "it" to refer to the lightsaber or to Yoda's actions. This doesn't read very well and I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct, so please have a go at rewording it.
 * 12) **Reworded it a bit.
 * 13) * "Rahn arrived on Sulon and stood at Katarn's farm for some time. From Katarn, Rahn learned that the valley did in fact exist." - so he's standing at the farm doing what? Talking to Katarn? Or just musing? Please clarify.
 * 14) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 15) * "Yoda had once told him that if one should choose the dark side, it would forever dominate his destiny" -- you use "one" and then link it to "his", but one is neuter. Can you re-word this so this mistake is excised?
 * 16) **Reworded.
 * 17) * "Rahn appeared to Katarn as a voice" Hmmmm. Not sure about appearing to someone as a voice. Please reword.
 * 18) **Reworded.
 * 19) * "After that, Qu Rahn was not seen or heard contacting Katarn." - the death of Jerec, the liberation of the spirits, events on Ruusan as a whole? Please clarify.
 * 20) **I guess "the events on Ruusan" encompasses all of the above, so I'll just stick to it.
 * 21) * In the powers and abilities section you use "being able" twice in succession. Please reword one of these.
 * 22) **Addressed.
 * 23) *A couple of repeated mistakes. Split infinitives "to even touch" are not really the done thing/ You also used the definite article several times when it was unnecessary to do so and you need to make sure that your antecedents are clear with complex sentence structures. There was also a little too much underlinking for my liking &mdash; Jedi training, death, space, Force vision, sai tok, and the occasional missing word. But above all this was a great read from what were conflicting sources and is a decent biography of a really interesting character. Well done and keep up the great Dark Forces work! -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 12:31, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for your review. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:44, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:05, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Couldn't find any source for the 55 BBY birthdate. If someone knows it, please tell me. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Stuff like "lackeys" and "minions" stray close to POV. I've removed them and re-worded them to "Dark Jedi", "followers" etc. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 12:31, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Rescue on the Tranquility

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 06:45, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally, something actually interesting. Third to Capture of the Wealthworm.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object
 * 1) Small thing: you attribute the first "Operation" quote to a navigation officer, howeve Gree refers to him as the Captain in the episode. You also later simply call him a naval officer.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 09:22, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Well, according to the TCWCG, he's definitely a naval officer; that's all I'm sure of. I'll correct it for consistency and reference it properly, but I didn't want to call him a captain because he's even called a commander (if he's the same guy) later in the episode. The only thing that's certain is that he's a naval officer, per the TCWCG.  CC7567  (talk) 15:54, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Ah, I see. So long as he's not called a navigation officer.
 * 4) Minor repairing
 * 5) * It was during the rescue that Argyus was killed, even if they weren't in the battle ground anymore. It should be marked to info box.
 * 6) **He did not die during the rescue. He died during the escape, and that was not part of the battle. The "rescue" ended when Gunray and Argyus fled the Tranquility, as you'll see in the Aftermath section.
 * 7) ***Well, I crossed that objection, but from my point of view the escape is still counted to be a part of a rescue, and Argyus was killed during it.
 * 8) * Wouldn't it be better "all B2 super battle droids" than just "B2 super battle droids" in casualties?
 * 9) **The statement "the enemy has been repelled" does not mean that all of the B2 super battle droids were destroyed; "repelled" means that they were driven off. I have yet to see a source that explicitly states that all of them were destroyed.
 * 10) * Argyus used Gunray as a living shield. What prevented Gree to shoot, as Gunray was in enemy side? Clarify.
 * 11) **Added.  CC7567  (talk) 18:26, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Otherwise wonderful job.--Kreivi Wolter 13:26, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I know that the FAN is still lagging right now, but I don't mind waiting.  CC7567  (talk) 06:45, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Not a formal objection, but my concerns about the article title still stand. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 09:03, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Eh, if I get more time to think about it, perhaps I'll move it, but as for now I think it's fine; it's going to be conjecturally titled either way.  CC7567  (talk) 15:54, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * "Skirmish" still sounds cooler (:P), but it's been moved to "Rescue on the Tranquility".  CC7567  (talk) 20:54, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Tranquility

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 08:05, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Gotta keep up with CC :P

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) Please watch linking, though.  CC7567  (talk) 04:04, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Are you sure the Tranquility was the one that arrived over Rodia during "Bombad Jedi"? I know that there's some information to suggest that it was, but neither the episode nor its online guide confirmed it. If another source states that it was, please reference it.
 * 3) **I'm not seeing where I indicated that.
 * 4) ***Bah; sorry, I must have misread it.  CC7567  (talk) 04:13, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * If the Tranquility was the one that appeared during "Bombad Jedi", please try to shorten the intro. It's debatable whether or not Amidala and Binks even require a mention here, but there's simply too much context for Gunray. If it needs to be stated that Gunray was "fighting against the Republic", state it in the body; it's already heavily implied if he was captured by Republic forces.
 * 6) **Took out the Council context.
 * 7) * "The ventilation shafts were utilized by Asajj Ventress to travel from the flight deck to the engine room, and from there to the detention level." Ventress is going to need context here if you're going to mention her so early; unless there's a reason for it, I would suggest removing this and mentioning it chronologically when she actually uses the shafts.
 * 8) **Removed.
 * 9) * "The Tranquility was a Venator-class Star Destroyer in the service of the Republic Navy during the Clone Wars." Yes, this is part of its history, but it should have (at least) also been mentioned in the "Characteristics" section. Also, please watch overlinking.
 * 10) **The fact that it's a Venator in the Republic navy is already in the characteristics. If I were to explicitly restate that "The Tranquility was a Venator-class Star Destroyer in the service of the Republic Navy during the Clone Wars.", it would be extremely unneccessary and repetitive, as that information is already in the intro and history.
 * 11) ***Fair enough.  CC7567  (talk) 04:13, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "The boarding ship's pincers pierced the Tranquility ' s hull, and inserted into the roof of the dorsal flight deck." This is redundant; you've already said that the Droches slammed into the Star Destroyer's hull. Also, please check the last part of the sentence; it's not flowing well.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * In the third paragraph of "Prisoner transport", please try to vary "while".
 * 15) **Done.
 * 16) *I'll continue this with you later when I have more time, but I'll leave you with these for now.  CC7567  (talk) 23:28, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Alright. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:34, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Onaconda Farr

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 13:41, 04 July 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I don't even attempt to keep up with CC anymore. :P

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object
 * 1) The Bts is pretty minimal at the moment, and structured oddly. Provide more information about his first movie appearance - who played him etc - and then provide more info on the retcon, such as who played him in the earlier film (if such info is available.) --Eyrezer 06:55, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I have restructured the Bts and put new and updated information in. However, I had to remove Episode 1 retcon part because it was false. Previously, another user tried to GA this article and put the retcon in. I thought it was correct, but when I tried to find it on the HoloNet website, I could not. I was finally able to get in touch with the user (he was banned, making it slightly difficult to find him) it turned out that he had mistaken some text on the website for a retcon. I am now trying to confirm whether Farr truly did appear in Cloak of Deception and Acts of War. Kilson Likes PIE 15:35, 27 July 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * Requires an update from The Clone Wars: Hunting the Hunters (Part 2).  CC7567  (talk) 03:19, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm unsure about taking over this one; I'd already promised to help the nominator with several sources that he did not have access to, but not take it over completely, persay. I'll make a decision in a few days, but I'd like to request that this nomination remain up for the time being.  CC7567  (talk) 23:30, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)
 * 1) Nominator has recently been blocked for a significantly extended period of time and has informed an administrator that he has quit the site. If CC wants to take over this article for the sake of his project, I would be satisfied, but if not, I vote to remove. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:17, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Merrick Simms

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:39, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Is there anybody who didn't fight at Yavin and Endor?

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:59, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * Same thing as Farrell: Species and gender should be in the intro and the beginning of the bio.
 * 3) * Under "Appearances," shouldn't the ROTJ novel have the tag (in addition to the  tag), and then Rebel Assault would have a  tag?
 * 4) *Otherwise, another interesting read. Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:51, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Both done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:33, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Nahdar Vebb

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 07:04, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Why couldn't they just call him Bant?

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object

Comments

Endar Spire

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  09:05, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I've got a feeling that won't be our last battle with the Sith.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object

Comments

Mission to the third moon of Vassek

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 08:03, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Conclusion of Capture of the Wealthworm, but the article's awkwardly long name is attributed to the pursuit for "factual correctness".

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 0)
Support
 * 1) Good work.--Kreivi Wolter 18:58, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) When is Nahdar refered to as a general?  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 22:06, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Ugh, this debate again. I'll just remove it to stop assuming.  CC7567  (talk) 23:54, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Not really a matter of debate. More a matter of accuracy, as he has never been referred to as such, and not every Knight and master became a general. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:00, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Apparently, Path of the Jedi depicts another version of the mission, which involves Skywalker, Tano or Yoda being sent to Vassek to assisst Fisto. While obviously non-canon since it contradicts the episode, you may want to add the game's storyline to the Bts. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:45, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Eh, didn't like that game, but addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 21:20, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ben Skywalker

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 19:42, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes! We are victorious! Huzzzzaaahhhh!

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total/INQCON 0)
Support
 * 1) My favorite character. Great job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Not the biggest fan of that profile image, but the prose is excellent and the article itself is of high caliber.  The Flash  {talk} 00:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "As both of his parents were Jedi spend time with him as they fought in the war..." Is this supposed to be "they were unable to spend time..."  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:22, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Wow. My bad. Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:27, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Why is the Jedi Council meddling with FAN?!?
 * 5) * Intro: "Solo had just returned to the New Jedi Order after a five-year journey to learn more about the Force, was able to help Skywalker open himself up to the Force gradually, although Skywalker was still apprehensive about it for a while, and it would take him years to become fully adjusted to the Force." A bit of a run-on; please break it up.
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * Intro: Three consecutive paragraphs begin "In XX ABY,"; can you change a couple of them?
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * Intro: "Eventually Caedus was killed in the Battle of Shedu Maad,": The actual duel in which he was killed has its own article, so is there a reason you linked to and named the battle instead?
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * Intro: In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, you should link to Luke's actual court case, though I'm not sure where to place it.
 * 12) **Addressed.
 * 13) * 1.1 Pre-birth: "The Skywalkers were on the Coruscant beach": Context on the beach, please. A lot of people would be a bit shocked to find out that Coruscant has a beach somewhere in all of that durasteel; I know I was when I first read about it in Rebirth.
 * 14) * 1.3.1 Dark Nest Crisis > A new threat: "As Rar and Gorog sped away from Ossus in a stolen skiff, Ben received a final message from the Killik, who said that she wanted Ben to be happy. When he told Luke of Gorog's message," Until now, you've called her "the Gorog". Now you suddenly switch to simply calling her Gorog, as if that is her actual name like Luke, Ben, Leia, etc. Is there a reason for this?
 * 15) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:42, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *I'll continue with "Second Galactic Civil War" in a day or two. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:31, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) From the Council Chambers: (part 2)
 * 18) * 1.4.2 Second Galactic Civil War > Operation Roundabout: In the second paragraph, it might be a good idea to mention Ben's repeated failures in the simulation and Jacen's resulting doubt as to whether Ben should go on the mission (that is, if I remember the events of Betrayal correctly). This would also help bring that paragraph in line with the surrounding paragraphs as far as size, though that itself is not a major issue.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * 1.4.2: In the fourth paragraph, you start three out of four consecutive sentences with "However"; can you change a couple?
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * 1.4.6 Civil unrest: "Skywalker was at Solo's apartment at the time and was unharmed.": Is there a reason for having this sentence? It seems unnecessary to me.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * 1.4.7 The Galactic Alliance Guard: "Shevu eventually entered the interrogation chamber with Girdun as Skywalker looked on and tried to heal Habuur, but to no avail": Unclear as to whether Shevu or Skywalker was the one who tried to heal Habuur.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * 1.4.7: "It pointed to a nearby apartment building, which Skywalker and the GAG squad forcibly entered. They met resistance, forcing Skywalker to kill the two men inside." "Forcibly" and "forcing" are a bit repetitive since they have the same root word.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * 1.4.10 Ziost: "Skywalker checked all of the objects on his belt for a tracking device and found it inside his belt pouch. Skywalker checked the skies for the TIE fighter and saw it speeding toward them." Two straight sentences start with the same two words; can you change one?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * 1.4.12 Loss of a parent: "He went to the GAG compound and took a speeder, following Lumiya and the Sith ship. He followed it into Hapan space," A "speeder" is purely an atmospheric vehicle, so how did he travel through space?
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * 1.4.13 Change of heart: "He defeated the CSF security detail guarding Omas and afterward had a brief engagement with a security droid but ended up staring down the barrel of Omas' blaster pistol, although Skywalker swiftly disarmed him." A bit of a run-on; please break it into two sentences.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * 1.4.17 Final victory: The quote contains an error: "you're no better suited to be Sith apprentice" should be "you're no better suited to be a Sith apprentice". If this error is also in Invincible (which I don't have to check), then it deserves a [sic], otherwise it needs corrected.
 * 35) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:42, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *I'll complete the review, beginning with "Travels with his father", by the end of the week. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:40, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) From the Council Chambers: (round 3)
 * 38) * 1.5 Travels with his father: Mention should be made at the beginning of this section or and the end of the previous section of Ben's promotion to Knight.
 * 39) * 1.5.1 Travels > The Baran Do: You have exactly one subheading under this heading&mdash;"The Hidden Ones". One thing I was taught in high school English class is that a point in an outline should never have only a single sub-point. While it doesn't technically apply directly to subheadings in an article, the MediaWiki software automatically converts the headings into the TOC, which is basically an outline. This is clearly nitpicking a little, but I'd like to see either the single sub-heading removed or see a second sub-heading added immediately below "The Baran Do", whichever you feel would be better.
 * 40) * 1.5.1: "Ziil stated that he would tell those on the surface that his earlier message about the Skywalkers' deaths was a mistake, and he promised to free his servants and appoint a board of advisers, and in a couple of years they would reassess the situation.": "And" is repetitive here.
 * 41) * 1.5.2 The Aing-Tii: "Tadar'Ro took them to a house created for Jorj Car'das, a former smuggler who had once stayed with the Aing-Tii, where they were to stay while learning with the Aing-Tii.": "Stay" is repetitive here.
 * 42) * BTS: I'd like to see the BTS expanded a bit. Though individual appearances are probably too numerous to list in full, you should at least mention the series that he appeared in (NJO, Dark Nest, LOTF and FOTJ) and what kind of role he played in each (i.e. minor/major).
 * 43) *Last note, though not a objection: Some newbie added something to the BTS about Timothy Zahn the other day. The source provided gives the information about two-thirds of the way down. It's your call on what you want to do with it. Great job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:43, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) The Flash
 * 45) * Refs 30, 31, and 32 are bare URLs - please fix them
 * 46) **Why would that be a problem.
 * 47) ***Look kind of out of place, sort of jumbled. Just a suggestion.  The Flash  {talk} 02:45, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ****I apologize, but I'm hopeless with sourcing. I don't know how to pretty them up. :P  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:57, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *****I've fixed them for you, Floyd. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 08:55, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *******Great :D  The Flash  {talk} 00:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * BTS - needs more refs, just general ones to the books they mention
 * 52) **Those are really self-referencing, and don't require ref tags.
 * 53) ***Alright.  The Flash  {talk} 02:45, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Also in BTS, is The Lost Lightsaber confirmed to be non-canon? Tales are generally ambig for those set of issues and would better put in the actual history with an ambig tag.
 * 55) **Tales 1-20 is generally used as non-canon.
 * 56) * I agree with Darth Trayus's comment below - it might be best to put a more time-fitting image of Luke in the "Duel" section.
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) *This article is in really good shape, actually, and I'd be very happy with it if those points were met - nice work.  The Flash  {talk} 23:48, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Heads-up; readded the Databank link for you, it seems to have gotten (accidentally) removed during the article's transition.  Firebird  [[File:Moltresheadsig.PNG]] heart's eye 12:49, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Is there a reason you use such an outdated image of Luke in the "Duel at the Temple" section? He looks younger than Jacen does in the "Regaining his connection to the Force" section. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:18, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Radd Minker

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:08, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Spoilers for Omen - I couldn't let Jonjedigrandmaster get all the Omen noms ...

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:56, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) I would like to see some more quotes, though. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:52, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Cav, I figured most of my points fell under, so I apologize if I messed things up. I was concerned about the line "like all Brubbs" as there is no source that generalizes this so tightly to my knowledge. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:52, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Calo Nord

 * Nominated by:Jedi Kasra (talk)
 * Nomination comments: Might as well nom this, too...

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) LordDeathRay  (My Sith Holocron)  01:27, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * This is not a formal objection because I don't really believe in image objections except in the most extreme circumstances, but do you think it could use more screenshots from KOTOR? Actual live-action shots from the game feel underrepresented somehow. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 18:29, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * You make a good point, but seeing as I don't know how to upload images from the game, I'm kinda in a bind. Maybe one of the other users could help? Plus, the live-action pics would have to not include Revan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Full credit goes to Nayayen for uploading this image for the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:16, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Gorc
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 07:24, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: It is time for this stupid guy to join his FA brother...

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 0)
Support
 * 1) I know how it feels when brother is better than you : ) --Kreivi Wolter 20:31, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Hardin

 * Nominated by: Havac 07:57, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hey, it's one of the few things in JvS Karpyshyn didn't screw up! Havac 07:57, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1) Added a few links but generally very clean. Sorry about Karpyshyn. --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:35, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Different in style, but quite well done. My applause. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:30, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Yes, yes, I know the one image needs a new upload. It'll get it. Havac 07:57, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Well, ideally they all need new uploads. But hey, nice catch. --Imperialles 08:02, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Vindication

 * Nominated by:  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 04:29, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'd like to thank Tommy9281 for helping to walk me through the process for my first FAN

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 0)
Support
 * 1) *Good job.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:30, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) A few, for you&hellip;
 * 2) * The infobox needs to be completely sourced.
 * 3) * I don't think whether or not Draay was a Jedi Guardian has any relevance to the commanders part of the infobox.
 * 4) * According to the KotOR Campaign Guide, these Covenant members were called "Covenanters". Try adding that.
 * 5) * You don't have to do put sources like this,, at every paragraph. Just do it as normal. The example should only be used for the infobox.
 * 6) * I would put Gryph's full surname in the article every time I mention him, not just "Gryph".
 * 7) * Unless the same paragraph mentions Krynda, calling Lucien "Draay" would bea good idea. Use the character's surnames, such as Carrick, throughout the article after you mention their full name for the first time.
 * 8) * If I'm not mistaken, the Jedi Council gave Carrick a new lightsaber. In #35, when he meets Jarael and Hierogryph after talking with the Council, he has this lightsaber.
 * 9) * The Citeweb template should be used for reference 13. Here's a list of the templates.
 * 10) * That's all I can think of, take care of these, and I'll run through the article again.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:40, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **I think I got them all  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 01:16, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Am I the only one of the opinion that Showdown in the Draay Estate should be merged into Vindication? Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:14, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Tommy and I have had this discussion a lot. As he's mostly taken over that particular article, I'll leave it up to him  PointGiven  ( But...it was so artistically done... ) 00:31, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I see. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 22:10, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Ranulf Trommer

 * Nominated by: Havac 06:26, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: River of Chaos&hellip;likes to use exclamation points! So expect to see them&hellip;in the quotes! A lot!&hellip;and ellipses! Havac 06:26, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:27, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * Before I read through it, there are a lot of redlinked articles that need to be created. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:34, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **There always are; I didn't feel like creating them last night. I'll get them today. Havac 16:36, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "After he recovered, approximately six months after the destruction of the Death Star, With his father, Ranulf Trommer and his father, Admiral Trommer, met Grand Moff Lynch Hauser, his father's patron." - I have no idea.
 * 5) **See if you have an idea now. Havac 01:38, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * You should probably mention under "Making the choice" how Admiral Trommer purposely bumped into Hauser, causing a blaster bolt meant for Ranulf to miss him.
 * 7) **Added. Havac 01:38, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Additionally, he has an entry in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:12, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Entry reviewed and added. Havac 01:46, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I believe you're misinterpreting the Omnibus date (6 months ABY) here. You seem to have applied it to the bulk of the story that happens after Trommer's recovery from the Battle of Aguarl III. However, in Empire 22: Alone Together, also set six months ABY, Leia is still negotiating over a Rebel base on Aguarl III with the planet's Prime Minister. This means River of Chaos actually begins six months after the battle of Yavin, only a few days or weeks after Alone Together. --<font color="orange" face="monotype corsiva">Borsk Fey'lya  <font color="black" face="monotype corsiva">Talk 16:55, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Huh. I'll make the changes. Havac 01:26, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Quor'sav

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 07:10, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: So, a pair of legs walks across the screen for a split second, and I give you 24 KB. You gotta love the EU. ~ SavageBob 07:10, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:05, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 04:22, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) This should be dealt with but, on second thought, it does not affect directly the article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * Ref that they were called Quor'savs in the body, not the intro, please. You could easily fit that in early in the first sentence of the body.
 * 3) * "Quor'sav hatched from eggs. Females laid several of these at once. Their eggs took more than a standard year to hatch." Merge this into two sentences please.
 * 4) *Overall, nice work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:10, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **These should all be addressed. Thanks for your review! ~ SavageBob 02:37, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Farlstenquor'sav
 * 7) * The treaty redlink: Are you trying to link to "treaty" as a concept? Do you really think the link is neccessary? I'd keep it but linking to Empire-Quor'sav treaty or anything.
 * 8) * I see treaty. But, is it Ua-Galactic Empire Treaty (as in the name of the article) or Ua ua -Galactic Empire Treaty (as in the bold text in the body)?
 * 9) * I think the BtS quote is not correctly attributed, as told in the details of the link. It's Wallace re-telling his conversation with Anderson, not trying to reproduce his note word by word; I'd rather use this quote "So when Kevin sent comments during one of our edit sessions, he sent a note that said basically “You don’t need this.”".
 * 10) * Can you do something with the redlink? Star Wars: The Saga Collection must be... something.
 * 11) * Great work. Can I take Yam'rii after summer? Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:11, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Done done and done. Yam'rii may have to wait a bit, since I'm trying to tackle our alphabet challenge. Look for Morseerian, Nosaurian, and Ranat soon! ~ SavageBob 13:37, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Almost done; now I have a different doubt about the treaty :S --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:28, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Zam Wesell

 * Nominated by: &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:30, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: It has been a while. Plus, I thought the Inqery didn't have enough to do lately. I'm kidding, of course. Guest nom for WP:NEGTC.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total/INQCON 0)
Support
 * 1) This is the kind of article I like to see featured. Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Okey, Farlstendoiro, change back to your real face
 * 2) * Intro: As she has not used so many different names, I strongly suggest to add the known ones in the intro: Zam Wesell, sometimes known as Marby Welcus
 * 3) **I would have, except that she only used that name on one occasion in canon. This is no different than the individual times she impersonated Holowan or Fernooda. The one occasion is a quick detail that is not needed in the intro. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Intro: It was then revealed that a seedy underworld general... It was revealed, or Wesell discovered?
 * 5) **Revealed to Wesell&mdash;although, implied that such was an accident. She did not actively seek to discover it. Clarified in the text. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Intro: capitol-world of Coruscant. I think you mean capital, not capitol but I'm not sure (Used twice)
 * 7) **Ah, good catch. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *** Still one reference to "the galactic capitol" in "Conspiracy exposed and defeated"
 * 9) ****I am incredibly embarrassed that I even made this mistake in the first place. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:20, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Bio/Early life: The first paragraph has three successive refnotes for [10]. Only the last one is needed; you don't need to source three successive sentences if all of them have the same exact source. This explains my point better than I do.
 * 11) **Maybe I'm incorrect, but I was taught on this site that partial sentences (such as the first and last of the three) should be cited separately. If I'm wrong, I'll gladly change it; I just thought it was supposed to be that way. Removed anyway. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Bio/Early life: Third level mastery of the Mabari martial arts. Is that very high? Is it the highest level, the lowest level...?
 * 13) **Sorry, no source says. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Bio/Encounter on Oovo IV: At the same time, Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett was also in pursuit of Fust. Why? Was he pursuing the same reward? If so, it should be added.
 * 15) **Added. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Bio/Mission to Malastare: Fett retorted, "You're lucky I don't kill you. I'm allowing you to tag along because you might be useful.". Not a real objection, but a suggestion: Maybe you could avoid directly quoting characters in the text? Again, later: "I've got a bounty to hunt." "Take care of yourself, Jango… until next time." "It was just a job."
 * 17) **Again, maybe I am wrong, but I see nothing incorrect with it. Removed one, however, because it did not flow well. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Bio/Mission to Malastare: Context for Montross in his first mention, not two sentences later.
 * 19) **Good catch. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Bio/Intrigue on Tatooine: She then provided information about the Hutts which had originally been provided by Watto Confusing: Watto provided that information to whom?
 * 21) **Clarified. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Bio/Conspiracy exposed and defeated: Fett was knocked off the walkway by a Wookiee. Suggestion: Consider adding some context specifying that it was not some Wookiee bystander but one of Khorda's minions. Suggestion: Add instead some words in the previous paragraph to specify that Khorda was not alone at the power relay.
 * 23) **Did both. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Bio/First assassination attempt: You have previously talked about, and linked, Tyranus; now you mention and link Dooku. Maybe you should do something, perhaps contextualize. Maybe simply "Dooku, a previous employer of Fett".
 * 25) **Fixed. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Bio/First assassination attempt: The explosive device, however, also had a flaw. A technical hitch in the triggering mechanism also allowed the Senator to escape. I don't understand the sentence: The Senator escaped because she was not there. Maybe you mean that the hitch would have allowed her to escape even if she was in the bomb's range?
 * 27) **Unfortunately, that is the problem with two slightly conflicting sources. The fact files do not expand other than what I've put and any closer to the original text would be plagiarism. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Bio/First assassination attempt: The droid R2-D2, which was scanning Which or who?
 * 29) **Which. It is not a living thing. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ***If you say so...
 * 31) * Powers/Shape-shifting: For Clawdites, however, this process was extremely painful and it took great skill to achieve.[11] Wesell, however, developed skills in her shape-shifting and became highly skilled at self-alteration. You used word "however" twice in successive sentences. Consider a synonym.
 * 32) **Good catch. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * Powers/tactical skills: Yet, her most important skill was her shape-shifting ability Who says it was more important than other skills? NPOV?
 * 34) **That is cited directly to the Fact File. Off hand, I believe the exact wording is something like "most vital." &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Oh, evil Fact Files.
 * 36) * Equipment: Her obtaining the Koro-2 in a mining colony contrlled by the Mining Guild and a custom-made droid made by the Malkite Poisoners could be added to her biography.
 * 37) **Mentions made, although talking about the speeder does break up the flow substantially. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ***Again a little fix and hope you don't mind.
 * 39) * Bts/Character development: Early drafts of the Episode Two scripts referred to Wesell as a "C.A.T.," a Corporate Alliance Trooper I strongly believe Corporate Alliance should be a link.
 * 40) **Done, but that does fall under . &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ***I thought about it myself, but decided against: It was too much assuming that you wouldn't mind such a change.
 * 42) * Bts: Theomet Danlé's background was created by "winstonvalleyjedi" through What's the Story?, heavily using Wessel. Maybe when you mention Danlé in BtS, you could add this detail.
 * 43) **Good find. Thank you. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * I've made some slight changes, removing repeated links and adding spaces and so under . Hope you don't mind. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:31, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) **No problem at all. Thank you much. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Notice: One "capitol" pending. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:11, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ****See above. Thanks again. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:20, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I am aware that one&mdash;and possibly two&mdash;images are in violation of WP:I at the moment because of blanked speech bubbles. I am working on having this rectified as quickly as possible. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Is there a reason almost every image is on the right side? Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 00:26, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, for uniformity and aesthetic appearance since I placed the noncaptioned images under the relationship heading in a similar manner as key characters in OOU articles. There is no set rule that all have to be in alternating sides, so encyclopedic uniformity was preferred to having images dancing around the page from side to side which, in the case of this article, looked quite poor. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:20, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * You can still alternate the images and then have the two noncaptioned ones on the one side. Personally, I think having them all on the one side doesn't look great aesthetically, and might distract readers' attentions because it's not what they're used to seeing. Either way, I think it looks odd. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:29, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Many thanks to for taking care of the two images in question. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:08, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Conan Antonio Motti

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:47, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I wanted to get it up on LeParmentier's birthday (Thursday) but lacked the motivation to finish it then. So, here it is now.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total/INQCON 4)
Support
 * 1) Great job. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:54, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:19, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Great article, strange name.  CC7567  (talk) 23:13, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --Kreivi Wolter 17:07, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 17:04, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:11, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) IFYLOFD is drawn to this nom by its lead quote
 * 2) *<S>"It was not long before he advanced past Jaim Helaw, who he had served under early in his career" I don't think this is really needed in the intro, since its already stated he rose quickly through the ranks.
 * 3) **I still think the context is needed. Without, IMO, there's not a good indicator of who exactly he is.
 * 4) * "Motti was extremely confident in the Death Star's superiority," Superiority to what?
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) *<S>In the intro, give that he served during the Galactic Civil War and contextify the Rebels earlier, since the mention of the Rebels comes without any context and seems out of place.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) * In the intro mention what Motti questioned before Vader choked him.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * "He served onboard the Ion Storm, a Strike-class cruiser, under Captain Jaim Helaw, who acted as somewhat of a mentor to him, and received a promotion to first lieutenant. " Too many commas. Messes up the flow.
 * 11) **Changed.
 * 12) * "who sought freedom from his cruel master" POV.
 * 13) **Changed.
 * 14) *<S>" However, before the Y-wings could destroy the escape pod that Tarkin had attempted to flee in, Motti's Star Destroyer jumped out of hyperspace, as Motti had taken it upon himself to escort the Grand Moff against his wishes." Against who's wishes? Motti's or Tarkin's? Clarify.
 * 15) **Fixed.
 * 16) *<S>"He took the Death Star to Alderaan, Organa's home planet, and, with her alongside him, Motti and Vader in the Death Star's control room, threatened to destroy Alderaan if she did not reveal the location of the Alliance's base." Doesn't really flow well.
 * 17) **I made some small changes, but I consulted with some users in IRC and they said it sounds fine.
 * 18) * " a moon located in the Yavin system in the Outer Rim." "in the" is repetitive.
 * 19) **I think it fits fine there. If you really would like to see it changed though, I'll acquiese.
 * 20) * "The Alliance's defense of its base consisted of 30 starfighters, catching the Empire off-guard, as Tarkin had expected a defense by several capital ships." Defense is repetitive.
 * 21) **Changed.
 * 22) *<S>In the Darth Vader section, contextify and link Moff.
 * 23) **Done.
 * 24) * "LeParmentier was one of the few non-English actors cast as Imperial officers in the film and as such, did not speak with an English accent, one of the few Imperial officers in the original trilogy to speak without such an accent." Kinda repetitive.
 * 25) **Changed.
 * 26) * Could use a copyedit for tense and grammar. I've changed what I've seen, but you should go over it for good measure.
 * 27) **Was there anything specific (besides linking to redirects) that you noticed?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:42, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *Nice job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:13, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *Thank you, and thanks for the read. Thought you'd like the quote.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:42, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 31) * Place of death should be in the infobox ("Death Star I," "over Yavin," however you want to word it is fine with me).
 * 32) * Some context on Helaw in the intro is needed.
 * 33) * Also in the intro, you should probably mention that Tagge was Motti's equal in the Army, just to avoid any confusion.
 * 34) * "Motti was extremely confident in the Death Star's invulnerability" - this should probably be reworded slightly, since the Death Star wasn't invulnerable.
 * 35) * You mention under "Showdown at Yavin" that Tarkin had expected to be opposed by capital ships, and you reference the entire paragraph to ANH. Is this correct? I don't recall anything about this in ANH.
 * 36) *And that's it. Well done, Chack. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:20, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) It appears that the Youtube video with Lucas' appearance has been deleted due to copyright problems, so you'll need to change the Bts reference to something else. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Now that I think about it, there's an existing ref that covers all that, I think. Should be fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:15, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Only one: "Back above Despayre, with the Death Star was nearing completion": do you mean "where the Death Star was nearing completion"? The two independent clauses aren't easing the sentence flow very well.  CC7567  (talk) 23:47, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *Gah, fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:47, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Harrar
 * 5) * "Motti was extremely confident in his belief that the Death Star was invulnerable, believing..." &mdash; can we change up one of the "beliefs" please?
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * I've never heard of "questioning someone to their face", it doesn't seem to read that well. Can you rephrase this if possible? :P
 * 8) **Must be an American thing. :P Changed.
 * 9) * Otherwise clean, bar one thing. In the P&T you make a whole bunch of references to Daala, but she isn't mentioned in the biography at all. Is there a reason for this?
 * 10) **Because she really doesn't do anything that concerns Motti in Death Star, just shows up and talks to Tarkin. If you'd like I can probably work a brief mention of her visiting Tarkin in the body, however.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:20, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***If you don't think that's it's necessary then I'll trust your judgment. Looking forward to Shimrra &mdash; I'd like to discuss the "Jamaane" thing with you at some point.
 * 12) *Well done. Great to see important movie characters FAed, as always. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:10, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * A couple of points: I could not find a source stating his homeworld, that he served under the Republic, or any information about him entering Imperial service. And finally, the name is still kinda stupid.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:47, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the reviews, everybody. :)  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:20, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Lecersen

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:34, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Random Moff who says some stuff while other stuff is going on.

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total/INQCON 4)
Support
 * 1) Great job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:25, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:05, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:57, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Harrar
 * 2) * I think it needs to be made clear that Caedus' relationship with Djo and Allana was unknown to Lecersen and the Moffs. "Believing the battle to be going poorly, Lecersen suggested to Caedus that they launch an attack on the Dragon Queen, the flagship of Hapes Consortium Queen Mother Tenel Ka Djo&mdash;the mother of Caedus's daughter, Allana." This suggests Lecersen knows about the relationship.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * The nanovirus paragraph (from Caedus was unable...ultimately killed him) needs to be re-written chronologically, instead of in line with Invincible ' s narrative. I.e. move the info about Lecersen secretly going against Jacen's wishes so that the reader doesn't discover it when Jacen discovers it.
 * 5) **The only problem is, Invincible doesn't say when the Moffs took the tissue samples - it may have occurred before Lecersen suggested the nanovirus, or after he and Caedus discussed it. I placed it where it is to avoid speculating.
 * 6) ***Okay then!
 * 7) * You need to add that the Moffs don't know that Allana survives.
 * 8) **Done.
 * 9) * "The Jedi forces found the Moffs seated around a tactical display in the Auxiliary Command Center, with only one dead." Something seems to be missing between this and the previous sentence. Isn't there a short firefight first?
 * 10) **Good catch. Added.
 * 11) * P&T "After Jagged Fel was suggested to become Pellaeon's successor, Lecersen showed approval for the pick—after all, he was Soontir Fel's son." &mdash; though unintended, this reads as POV.
 * 12) **Fixed.
 * 13) *Nice stuff; shows how the sleugh of conference-scene characters prominent in LOTF and FOTJ can actually be advanced. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 00:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks for the review, Harrar. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:38, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Always a pleasure. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * In the process of finding images that are somewhat connected to him. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:34, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright, images added. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:46, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Whorm Loathsom

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 01:36, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Alongside Mar Tuuk, Lok Durd, and Unidentified Neimoidian captain, he should be the last of the "organic" Separatist officers in TCW.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1) Despite the fact that you stole from Jedipedia. :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) He stole from Jedipedia? The nerve! :P  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 18:36, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) You always forget Nuvo. Poor guy. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 00:34, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *He was a mad doctor, not a war officer. :P  CC7567  (talk) 01:05, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **That doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. But alas, you're right. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:53, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) We dont really "steal" things here in Wookiepedia, we rather "borrow" them.--Kreivi Wolter 05:24, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * "The Kerkoiden male Whorm Loathsom reigned from the planet of Kerkoidia," I don't think "reigned" is appropriate here.
 * 3) **Ugh, addressed.
 * 4) *Other than that, good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:44, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 7) * "Via a massive planet-wide holotransmission, the Kerkoiden general ordered the planet's Christophsian inhabitants of the planet to submit to Confederate rule." - "planet's Christophsian inhabitants of the planet"?
 * 8) **BAH. That was just...stupid. Fixed.
 * 9) *That's all. I would like to note that I'm impressed that you were able to find that piece of Neimoidian concept art. That's a great addition to the BTS. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:53, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **I owe it to Jedipedia. :P  CC7567  (talk) 17:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Which Core
 * 12) * Not technically an objection, I'm just curious: Obi-Wan flatters the good general that he's a legend throughout the Inner Core. In article, however, it is said that he was legend throughout the Core Worlds. Explanation?
 * 13) **There isn't any other "Core" in the galaxy, and "Inner Core" is obviously just another name for it. Also, if this "technically isn't an objection", then it shouldn't be here.  CC7567  (talk) 17:59, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Whooops! Sry, my mistake. It belonged to the Comments-section, not there. -_- Kreivi Wolter 18:20, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Stop right there!
 * 16) *"Loathsom's appearance is likely based off of a concept art image for a Neimoidian that was drawn by Doug Chiang and published in Star Wars: The Making of Episode I: The Phantom Menace and Star Wars: Episode I Insider's Guide."
 * 17) *"Concept art for a Neimoidian that Loathsom was likely based on"
 * 18) *Let's change this wording, make the statements themselves not speculation, but merely drawing the reader's attention to something that they can draw their own conclusions about. Graestan ( Talk ) 14:49, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Addressed; thanks, Graestan.  CC7567  (talk) 01:45, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Gloom Walkers

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:27, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another part of FloydProject: Path of Destruction.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total/INQCON 3)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice job. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:48, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Redlink in the intro.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:53, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Killed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 20:51, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Few more things:
 * 4) * "reserved for important and difficult missions due to a high success rate." I'd mention then about Des being a beast, and the key to their success, then talking about the battles they fought in.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "Eventually, Dessel would become Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Bane". Unneeded in the intro, IMO.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * You didn’t source two of your quotes. :P
 * 9) **BAH. Addressed.
 * 10) * Bit of context on the Brotherhood, at least in the body.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) *Good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:35, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:40, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Pasta&hellip;
 * 15) *This one is pretty nicely done. A couple minor concerns:
 * 16) **(1) Tense. Please go through and double check the use of the present conditional. Some of those phrases need to be in the past tense.
 * 17) **(2) Runons or near-runons. Again, there are a few sentences that are too compound. Not outright violations, at least, but sentences that could be split for better quality of work. Double check these when the tense is being fixed. Here are a few examples:
 * 18) ***"Commanded by Lieutenant Ulabore, the Gloom Walkers&hellip;"
 * 19) ***"Over that next year, the Gloom Walkers&hellip;" (First of two. One is fine, but both juxtaposed reads longwindedly)
 * 20) ***"Alone and surrounded by enemies, Lieutenant Ulabore panicked, and had no idea what to do to keep his unit alive without direct orders." (Comma usage also)
 * 21) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:08, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Kiros
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: None

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:21, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:03, 23 July 2009 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * "The Republic forces—led by High Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker—fought through the capital, only to discover that the whole planet's population had mysteriously disappeared." I don't think you need "mysteriously" here, since you already say what happened.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * " With Kiros liberated, the Jedi set off to gain more intelligence from Zygerrian slavers who often passed through the remains of the Shi'kar homeworld." Is the fact that the Zygerrian slavers hung out around the Shi'kar homeworld really notable enough for the intro? It seems rather random.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * "Nineteen planet rotations later," Why do you word it like this instead of "Nineteen days"?
 * 7) **Because that's what the comic says.
 * 8) * Are CC-7567 and CC-2224's nicknames really necessary?
 * 9) **CC-2224's, maybe not. But 7567 plays a larger role in the battle, and as such, he is mentioned more. I just don't feel like it to address him by his designation every time.
 * 10) * "Kenobi, however, squashed the projector with the Force" Squashed is rather colloquial.
 * 11) **Changed to "crushed".
 * 12) * "Ugg fell a long road from his headquarters" A long road?
 * 13) **Addressed
 * 14) *Good job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:02, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thank you for review. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Castin Donn

 * Nominated by: ToRsO bOy 18:30, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First FA. And the first Wraith on my list.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:23, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good show. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:31, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) And shot him in the throat. --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:31, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Last paragraph in Raids on Halmad is unsourced.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * You don't need to add periods on your quote attributions.
 * 5) **Noted. Fixed.
 * 6) * "Castin Donn was a Human male from Coruscant who was as a member of the New Republic commando group Wraith Squadron." Was as?
 * 7) **Fixed. I must have been really tired to miss that.
 * 8) * "Donn was brought in to replace the Wraith's former slicer, Eurrsk Thri'ag. Donn joined the Wraiths sometime in late 7 ABY during the New Republic's campaign against Warlord Zsinj." These sentences should be merged together, since they're both about Donn joining the Wraiths.
 * 9) **Fixed.
 * 10) * "It was just one of the many blemishes on his service record." Any info on any of the others?
 * 11) **Added.
 * 12) * Mention in the bio that he joins in 7 ABY.
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) * Add some context on Wraith Squadron's campaigns against Zsinj.
 * 15) **Added.
 * 16) * Quote in Raids on Halmad sections looks to be incomplete.
 * 17) **Added.
 * 18) * " When the Wraith's cover was blown, Donn was responsible for providing an escape distraction" How was the Wraiths' cover blown?
 * 19) **Added.
 * 20) *<S>I see you use the word "forge" a lot. Vary it up.
 * 21) **Changed.
 * 22) * Give info on the Wraiths' mission in Raids on Halmad where Castin was left behind on Hawk-bat base.
 * 23) **Added.
 * 24) * "Donn freed the experimented Talz Zsinj's scientists were working on before making his escape." Experimented? Reword.
 * 25) **Done.
 * 26) * Give info on Ton Phanan's death.
 * 27) **Added.
 * 28) *<S>Is Hohass Ekwesh's nickname really necessary?
 * 29) **Removed.
 * 30) * "Donn was also a capable pilot, managing to earn a high enough score to qualify for Antilles's squadron. Though he sorely lacked experience as shown by Antilles's decision to assign him as Wraith Two."Merge these sentences together.
 * 31) **Done.
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:33, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Thanks for the review, I'll get back on the other two objections.--ToRsO bOy 07:06, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Addressed all points.--ToRsO bOy 21:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 36) * Might be a good idea to mention his xenophobia a little earlier in the bio.
 * 37) **Added.
 * 38) * IIRC, the Wraiths weren't told to form a pirate group. They came up with that idea on their own. Please clarify.
 * 39) **Yes but Ackbar was the one who gave the go signal. Anyway, revised. I dunno where I got the High Command from. lol
 * 40) * More context on Antilles on first mention, i.e specify he's Wraith Leader.
 * 41) **Added.
 * 42) * Contextify and link Loran on first mention.
 * 43) **Done.
 * 44) * I believe Allston refers to it as "Narra," not "the Narra." Please check and rectify if that's the case.
 * 45) **It's Narra. Fixed.
 * 46) * Correct grammar needed for the section titles; I see missing italics and improper capitalization.
 * 47) **Fixed.
 * 48) * Might be good to point out that Barderia was bound for Halmad, else the bit about return journey makes little sense.
 * 49) **Added.
 * 50) * " promise to never do anything on his own" I don't think that was exactly what Loran made him promise.
 * 51) **Do or do not, there is no try. :D It was try, not do. Changed.
 * 52) * You mention that Phanan died on Halmad way after the fact. Either remove the mention or talk about it when it happened.
 * 53) **Added it on the end part of the Raids on Halmad section.
 * 54) * " nearly killed herself if not for the intervention of Loran." Kinda sticky wording
 * 55) **Fixed.
 * 56) * You refer to Ekwesh as "Runt" without having established him as such. The preferred usage is the surname anyway, not the nickname.
 * 57) **Fixed.
 * 58) * " Donn exhibited traits typical of to his profession." Kinda sticky wording.
 * 59) **Removed the "of".
 * ", and a fistfight with a Sullustan navigator. " Seems like this could flow better.
 * 1) **Fixed.
 * 2) * P&T should mention his motivations for joining the New Republic.
 * 3) **It doesn't say exactly why he joined the New Republic, though I added his reasons for joinng the Wraiths.
 * 4) * Is it Victory Base or Victory base? I think it's the former; check your talents and abilities section.
 * 5) **Changed.
 * 6) *Note: I could have fixed some of these myself, but some lessons are better learned first-hand as part of getting used to the FAN process. ;-)
 * 7) **But of course, I would expect nothing less. Much thanks for the review.--ToRsO bOy 21:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:10, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Harrar
 * 10) * "Shortly after escaping from Zsinj's ambush, Donn received a message from Zsinj through one of the forged accounts he sliced into Halmad's planetary defense satellite network." I don't understand the second half of this.
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * "and Donn was excluded due to his criminal record on Coruscant, one that Donn tried to erase illegally but to no avail." When does he try to erase the record? If it happens before Antilles' envoy selection process then you should include it earlier in the first section of the bio, for chronology's sake.
 * 13) **Added info on first part of bio.
 * 14) * "Unable to contain his frustration, Donn reacted to Antilles's rejection with a rude outburst." Rude is POV, even if it is clearly meant to be read as rude.
 * 15) **Reworded.
 * 16) * "While the envoy team was having dinner with Zsinj, the warlord was informed of the captured saboteur [...] Passik further noted that the way the stormtroopers carried Donn's body suggested that they were hauling a dead body, not a person liable to wake up." &mdash; big problem with this whole paragraph here, TB. You're relating events as they are told to us in the novel, but this is Donn's biography. Instead, you need to infer what happens behind the scenes. I.e. Castin is killed by shots to the chest and his body is taken and fitted with a prosthetic chest. It's then taken before the envoy party as a test, but Passik guesses at the deception and shoot's Castin's corpse, allowing the envoy team to leave. See what I mean?
 * 17) **I understand, but the problem is the novel didn't state whether or not Donn was already dead when he was hauled to the dinner. All we have is Dia's speculation at best, and Zsinj didn't even confirm that Donn was indeed dead already. I wasn't sure if it'll be okay treading through speculation. Anyway, I changed it. Tell me if its better than the previous one.
 * 18) ***No no, this is much better. If Allston wanted us to consider whether Donn had actually been alive I think he would have made more of a deal with the ambiguity&mdash;the scene's more about Dia I think. Plus the line Passik says about a new chestplate being fitted "to replace the one that was burned through when he was killed" does suggest he was finished off by shots to the chest which were subsequently concealed.
 * 19) * Is there a better quotation for the Legacy section which deals with Donn's more valuable legacy of the destruction of the Iron Fist? I can deal with the Passik quotation but I feel Donn's importance to the war effort overall is more important historically.
 * 20) **Changed.
 * 21) *Nice stuff dude, great for your first effort. Watch out for split infinitives such as "to never try". Also, you placed a semi-colon before "while" twice, which I don't think is proper usage. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 17:23, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **I appreciate the comments, as well as the review. =)--ToRsO bOy 22:40, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Darth Nihilus

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:41, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Meh, a misunderstanding killed it, but it'll make a comeback here (I hope).

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 1)
Support

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * In the intro, give context on the Mass Shadow Generator and its effect on Malachor V.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "The experience of the mass shadows made him "hunger" for Force energy, and the affliction began to ravage his body." Affliction? If its his hunger for Force energy, connect the two.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "Sion beat Traya, with Nihilus right behind him, " Reword. IIRC, Sion and Nihilus teamed up to defeat Traya, this makes it sound like Sion did all the work.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * In the intro state that the Exile was a Jedi.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Mention how Nihilus sent Visas to find the Exile in the intro.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * Give more info on how the Battle of Telos IV came about (Traya's trap, etc.) in the intro.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "During the final battle of the war, which taking place on the planet Malachor V," Which taking place?
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Context on Revan and Malak.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * " Nihilus, on the planet, however survived and in his grief over his losses during the war, the man assumed a dark persona there," Reword. Doesn't flow well.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * "He survived the activation of the superweapon but became ill." Repetitive, as you already mention that he survived.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) *<S>Mention that the Trayus Academy was on Malachor.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) *Watch your linking. Articles are to be linked once in the intro and once in the bio.
 * 25) * Mention how Sion and Nihilus began the First Jedi Purge in the bio.
 * 26) **Addressed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:38, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * Clarify why Atris would lure Nihilus to Katarr.
 * 28) **Addressed.
 * 29) * "Nihilus felt a disturbance in the Force that only his apprentice could identify. As a result, Marr was sent to defeat the Exile and bring her before Nihilus so that he could consume her." Connect the disturbance in the Force with the Exile.
 * 30) **Addressed.
 * 31) * "A member of the Jedi Exile's team, was put in charge of an expedition through the jungle, aimed at the eradicating the Sith from it." Doesn't flow well. Reword.
 * 32) **Addressed.
 * 33) *<S>"After battling their way inside the tomb, the ceremony was interrupted by the strike team" What ceremony?
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) * "The outcome of the proceedings is unknown." Remove.
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) * Contextify Tobin.
 * 38) **Addressed.
 * 39) *"The Exile proceeded into the Core and found Traya meditating. She revealed her plans to the Exile" Combine these two sentences.
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) *Is the long summary of Kreia and the Exile's duel really necessary?
 * 42) **I don't find it that long, just two or three sentences, and the contextification of the deaths of both Traya and Sion were neccisary.
 * 43) ***Just to butt in here quickly, those first two paragraphs of the legacy section are way too detailed and unrelated to Nihilus. All we really need to know is that Sion and Traya were killed on Malachor V, not that the Exile was attacked by the students or that Traya got her hand cut off or that Sion kept regenerating. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:00, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ****They are related to Nihilus as they are about the fall of the Sith Triumvirate and they were to context why, when there were two other dark lords, that the Sith would have carried on thanks to an unknown darth. I did cut a lot from the Traya duel because all that was needed was that she was defeated however I think that saying how Sion died, when it was already stated that he had survived dying before by using his will to live was important and the part about her being attacked in the halls was just a short preface to that. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:25, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ****Exactly.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:10, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * Context required on Krayt.
 * 47) **Addressed. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:10, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *Context on Jekk'Jekk Tarr and Dessicus.
 * 49) **Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:49, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:08, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) The Pasta Bowl Strikes Back&hellip;
 * 52) *A couple of things from a cursory look:
 * 53) **The first part of the bio mentions Nihilus by that name, but that only adopted after being taken in by Kreia. Please address this at the beginning of the bio if you decide that the first two paragraphs need to have this name in it. Using Nihilus at this point, other than an initial mention borders on unencyclopedic.
 * 54) ***I had to fall back on such monikers as "the man," taking into account whether another male had just been mentioned, to correct this. I hope that's OK. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:59, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) **There are many sentences in the first couple sections of the bio that need to be split apart. Compound sentences are nice at times, but three or more sentences should not be made from one.
 * 56) ***Fixed, though it reads a bit choppy now IMO, what do you think? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:59, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) **Double check my other other list of objections that were left on the GAN page when this was there. After browsing through, it seems that not all of these were met. Fair warning, I spent a lot of time going through the article; so, I am not going to let those objections slide.
 * 58) ***I completely understand. I've looked over the list of objections again and fixed the outstanding objections, as well as others that were put on hold. Don't hesitate to tell me if I've missed any of them and thank you for the cursory look. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 10:01, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) **More details to follow.&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:33, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Comments
 * Please try to keep in mind that I'll be on and off for the next while. I'll get objections as soon as possible on this and the following noms.

Gelesi

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:41, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just because.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:12, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Infobox not fully sourced.
 * 3) **Fixed
 * 4) * In the intro: Why was the Exile in a rush to leave the planet?
 * 5) **Fixed
 * 6) ***Don't just remove it, mention why. She was escaping attacks by Vaklu's troops and turrets.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:45, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Alright, fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:16, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *<S>"He was promoted to captain in the Onderonian military—the youngest of three, together with Bostuco and Riiken" The three what?
 * 9) **Reworded
 * 10) * Why would the Onderon military frame the Ebon Hawk for starting the conflict?
 * 11) **Added
 * 12) * Mention what year this all takes place in.
 * 13) **Added
 * 14) * Bio and P&T quotes?
 * 15) **Added.
 * 16) * "At the request of a Vaklu supporter named Anda, the Exile can remove the three captains of the Guard in order to weaken the Royalist military in preparation for the attack on the Royal Palace. Anda is willing to pay the Exile 2500 credits for each one she removes" Place this somewhere else in the BtS.
 * 17) **I'm not sure what you mean, where else could I put it?
 * 18) ***I would switch it with the "Siding with Talia is the canonical path" one.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:45, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:16, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:15, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Operation: Knightfall

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:41, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is perhaps the most shaky of these noms, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  The Flash  {talk} 17:19, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * OK. First of all, in the intro provide more context on the Clone Wars, and how Palpatine branded the Jedi as traitors.
 * 3) **Added.
 * 4) * Context on Windu.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) ***Still none in the intro.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:50, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Ah. Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:09, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * State how Vader was a Jedi in the intro,
 * 9) **Added.
 * 10) * IIRC, Operation: Knightfall wasn't really part of Order 66. It took part after its issuance, and is more of a full-on assault on the Jedi Temple.
 * 11) **You are correct, and the article reflects that.
 * 12) ***I was commenting on the phrase "initiating a massacre under the authority of Order 66", which reflects the exact opposite.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:50, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Whoops, fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:09, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Context on the duel between Windu and Sidious and how it started.
 * 15) **Added.
 * 16) * More context on Skywalker and Sidious' relationship, how Sidious was trying to turn Skywalker to the dark side.
 * 17) **Added.
 * 18) * State that Windu actually died. You just say that his arm was cut off.
 * 19) **Added.
 * 20) * I think the Prelude section should be expanded in general.
 * 21) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 10:05, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Marching silently to the gates of the Temple with a legion of elite clones," Just say that its the 501st Legion.
 * 23) **Done
 * 24) * The first two paragraphs in "The battle" should really be merged into the first subsection.
 * 25) **I'm not so sure. I think that the actual operation began when he killed Jurokk and marched up the steps with the clones. Also, the transition from extrapolating Order 66 to them marching up the steps if I changed it would be awkward no matter how I could write it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:37, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Using a piece to break down the door into a study hall," A piece of what?
 * 27) **The statue. Fixed.
 * 28) * Quote for Hunting the masters and children?
 * 29) **Added.
 * 30) * Context on the Special Operations Brigade.
 * 31) **Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 10:59, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Give more context on the Republic's transition to the Empire, since you call Palpatine the Emperor in Aftermath without any explanation.
 * 33) **Added.
 * 34) * Mention that Amidala was pregnant before.
 * 35) **Added.
 * 36) * Watch your linking.
 * 37) **I've combed the article over and fixed it.
 * 38) * The Lego Star Wars game does not show Anakin and the 501st marching on the Temple, it only shows Obi-Wan and Yoda returning to the Temple.
 * 39) **Fixed. It appeared breifly in a hologram.
 * 40) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:08, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added FAnom. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:51, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Excellent article and I've supported it, but are they're any more sources/appearance? It seems a bit lacking for such an influential part in Jedi history.  The Flash  {talk} 17:19, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Darth Vectivus

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:47, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Not as badass as some other Darths, but just as important.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:15, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:41, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Quotes for Life or Legacy?
 * 3) **Added
 * 4) ***Quotes for the two subsections as well.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:55, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:36, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * The sections detailing the events of Betrayal don't flow well.
 * 7) **It's better now.
 * 8) * Lots of short, choppy sentences that need to be merged together.
 * 9) **How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:56, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "The One Sith Order arrived at the asteroid, intent on destroying Vectivus's asteroid, and the dark side powers it contained, so that it would not fall into the hands of the Jedi and Galactic Alliance forces. " Asteroid is repetitive.
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * Quote for P&T?
 * 13) **Added.
 * 14) * Quote for P&A? I'm sure you could find some quotes in Betrayal.
 * 15) **Added
 * 16) * Expand the BtS. Give some info on Darth Vectivus' appearances in Star Wars canon.
 * 17) **Expanded. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:10, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:23, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Cav:
 * 20) * There is no mention of any type of Sith apprenticeship in the intro. A little mention should be added before the revelation that he took a Sith name.
 * 21) **Added.
 * 22) * After the dark side energies slowly lead to his mining crews going insane, force-sensitives among the crews manifesting odd abilities, and strange sights through the mines. You appear to be missing the end of this sentence - you say "after" these things happened, but give no indication as to what happened after listing the examples.
 * 23) **Fixed.
 * 24) * Ensuring that the mine would be quietly forgotten about, while other operations in the asteroid field continued; after learning all there was to learn from the place, the man took the name Darth Vectivus, departed, and began to quietly gather information of Sith lore through peaceful means. This makes little sense as it is, seeming like two unrelated sentences meshed together. Please rewrite, as well as expanding on how he ensured the mine was forgotten about.
 * 25) *Fixed. How he did it is never revealed.
 * 26) * Check your name usage - surnames should be used instead of first names. I see a few Nelani, Ben, and Jacens in place of Dinn, Skywalker, and Solo.
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) * Darth Vectivus's holocron containing his words on business ethic and a detailed explaination of the the use of his Force Phantom techniques later came into the possession of the One Sith, a growing new order of Sith following the Rule of One, who gave it to Alema Rar, a Twi'lek Dark Jedi, when she visited their base. Run on sentence. Please break up.
 * 29) * The One Sith did not approve of Lumiya's plan to turn Jacen Solo to the dark side so they ordered Alema to deliver the holocron to Solo, newly christened Darth Caedus. What was newly christened as Caedus? Solo or the plan to turn him? Its a little unclear.
 * 30) **How's this?
 * 31) * Mention of the Force phantoms power and Vectivus' mastery of it needs to be mentioned in the Life section before using it in the Legacy section. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:04, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:06, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Sorry, but no. He was practically abandoned as a motivator after Lumiya and Alema died and I've personally word searched all of LOTF for indirect mentions of him but could find nothing aside from those appearances. He's also still a pretty new character when you look at the amount of LOTF era material and sourcebooks pertanent to his line of work released since his inception, so I've found nothing else unfortunately.

Fil

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 23:26, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes with my other "Lair of Grievous" clone troopers.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total/INQCON 2)
Support
 * 1) --Clone Commander Lee 17:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:16, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:21, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Personality and traits comes before Armor and equipment.
 * 3) **CC-7567 lied :P Addressed
 * 4) * "After he revealed a trap on Fil and the Jedi," Is this the trap that made them believe that Gunray was on Vassek? Because if its Gor, it doesn't flow well.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * Saying that the mission took place on the third moon of Vassek contradicts the intro, which just says it was on Vassek the planet.
 * 7) **Addressed. I did this article before it was revealed to be the "Third moon" in Decoded.
 * 8) * In the bio tell why the clones thought Gunray was on the third moon of Vassek&mdash; it just says there was a plot and the next sentence says Gunray wasn't actually on the moon.
 * 9) **Addressed
 * 10) * " Both Fil and Vebb enthusiastically took out a weapon that would do the proper job." What's the proper job? Clarify.
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * Underlinking in the bio, especially the Death section.
 * 13) **Linked numerous of subjects.
 * 14) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 06:36, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks for the review Floyd :)
 * 16) Clone Commander Lee
 * 17) * He was killed on the third moon of Vassek not on Vassek itself.
 * 18) **Addresed
 * 19) * You don't mention that they were contacted of Grievous approaching in his starfighter by Niner, Bel and R6-H5.
 * 20) **They contacted Fisto, not Fil.
 * 21) * P&t needs a little eypansion
 * 22) **I think it's fine.
 * 23) *Otherwise very nice. --Clone Commander Lee 06:49, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for the review Lee :)
 * 25) ***Anytime, Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) For now:
 * 27) *Way, way too play-by-play.
 * 28) **I removed a lot of unnecessary details that aren't related to Fil, and simple minor details that are around Grievous' poi. If I removed too much, I can readd the deleted information back.
 * 29) *Needs a more thorough copyedit and linking job than I have the energy to perform as a reviewer.
 * 30) **I went back and cleaned the article up.
 * 31) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:16, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Cav:
 * 33) * Section - "Mission to Vassek": There needs to be more explanation as to why Gunray was being hunted. Why was he in a stolen Republic frigate? Why were Unduli and Tano involved? Also, you mention the laying of a trap for the Jedi and troopers in the article intro, but make no mention of it here. There should be no info exclusive to the intro.
 * 34) **Yes, I removed that part but I readded it and added more context to Unduli and Tano, and the frigate.
 * 35) * Section - "Mission to Vassek": How did Fil know that Grievous would be returning soon? Was there any indication of an imminent return or was it a gut feeling?
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * Section - "Death": More set up is needed at the start of the section. Why did they choose to ambush Grievous in the hangar? How did they know where he would be?
 * 38) **In the episode, that's not shown. After Grievous landed, he called out for his guards and Gor and then the group suddenly attacked.
 * 39) * Section - "Death": Two clone troopers in Fil's squad were killed by Grievous, leaving only Fil and one last clone trooper. This sentence is a little out of place, chronologically, since Grievous has fled by this point. Either more it earlier in the section, or rewrite it to sound more like a post-battle casualty report, eg: "The battle with Grievous had resulted in the loss of two clone troopers, leaving only Fil and one other trooper" or something similar.
 * 40) **Addressed, and that sounds much better.
 * 41) * Section - "Death": What happened to the other clone trooper who fell into the incinerator pit?
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * Personality and traits section needs sourcing.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) * You state that Fil had Jaig Eyes on his armor - doesn't this mean he was awarded them for acts of bravery? Should this be mentioned in the P&T?
 * 46) **That statement was a speculation, he probably did not have Jaig eyes because it is not mentioned anywhere. Removed.
 * 47) * The article for the Mission to the third moon of Vassek lists several other sources that the mission appeared in; have these been checked for reference to Fil as well? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:17, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Yes, he was not shown anywhere and his first mentioned was in the CSWE. Thanks for the review Cav :)  JangFett  Talk 16:11, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Make your images larger. When they're that small it just defeats the purpose. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Looks better, thanks for the suggestion Trayus. JangFett  Talk 02:38, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Ulabore

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:28, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1180 words. Part of FloydProject: Path of Destruction.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:03, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:21, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * You should mention gender somewhere other than the infobox.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Ulabore, despite being highly decorated by the Brotherhood of Darkness as the official leader of the Gloom Walkers, greatly lacked leadership skills, something which gained him disdain among the members of the Gloom Walkers. Ulabore, despite the factDespite is repetitive.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * separated from the main lines, stranded deep behind enemy lines. Lines is repetitive.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) *And that's all that I see. Good job. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:53, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:01, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Pasta!
 * 11) *"Over the next year, the Gloom Walkers fought in scores of battles on half-a-dozen worlds with an extremely high success rate, mostly due to the efforts of Dessel." (1) Scores on half-a-dozen does not equate. A score is twenty. Please make sure that these figures are correct. Right now it reads something along the lines of 40, 60, or 80 battles on 6 planets. (2) "Half-a-dozen" is&hellip; yeah&hellip; just remove it.
 * 12) *Starting with "In 1,002 BBY the Gloom Walkers would fight in the Battle of Phaseera&hellip;"&mdash;which, by the way, needs a comma after the date&mdash;the tense needs to be checked. I fixed what I found in the article up to this point, but there are a lot of present/future conditional tenses used. Please fix this.
 * 13) *There are also a lot of run-on sentences in this same area; and, really in the rest of the article, at times. Too many commas are a good indication. One such sentence is "The Gloom Walkers, now under Dessel's control, went on to accomplish their objective and eliminate the outpost, mostly due to a tremendous effort by Dessel who killed a large number of Republic soldiers even after being blinded by a flash canister." It is grammatically correct, but it could be written better.
 * 14) *Double check your comma usage as you copyedit it, especially for compound sentences. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:13, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

EV-A4-D

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 10:49, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I give you Paul Lynde. I'll get to Truman Capote sooner or later.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total/INQCON 3)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:19, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  14:11, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * In the intro, give more info on how Gunray wasn't actually at the castle, and the trap.
 * 3) **Done, I believe.
 * 4) * "During the infiltration, EV-A4-D attempted to aid Grievous in killing the intruders, first by repairing his mechanical body" Who's mechanical body? EV or Grievous? Clarify.
 * 5) **I rewrote most of that paragraph, so you may want to look over it again.
 * 6) * Give more context on the Clone Wars. You say that the Confederacy is trying to break from the Republic but you don't explicitly mention that the two sides are fighting.
 * 7) **Does that work?
 * 8) * Tell how the Republic force found out that Gunray wasn't there. Did they find the beacon somewhere?
 * 9) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 10) * Give the outcome of the Republic attack on Grievous.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) *<S>If you're going to talk about Grievous' transformation from organic to cyborg, give context on it.
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) *Nice work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:22, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thank you. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 07:52, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Attack of the Clone
 * 17) * Can you explain to me how you're varying EV-A4-D and A4-D, or at least try to even it out more? If anything, I'd prefer that you make it more consistent than it is now.  CC7567  (talk) 00:10, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **I only used A4-D twice, the second time being a mistake. The first - and now only - instance of it was because the text reads "EV-series, A4-D" and I was attempting to avoid over-repitition of "EV", which was alrady occuring as a result of the character's odd and (when read) lengthy name. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 04:39, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Unless I'm missing something, can you try and clarify which source states that EV-A4-D's hospital service took place before the Clone Wars? I don't think the Decoded episode or his Databank entry gave any indication to the specific chronology. The current wording is slightly hinting otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 06:14, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Fixed in the intro. It's not really an issue with the body, because there's no concrete chronological wording there. I just didn't introduce the Clone Wars until it was relevant. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:03, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***The first sentence of "The general's doctor" is still slightly suggesting otherwise because of the current placement of the IBC's alliance with the Confederacy. It still sounds like EV-A4-D was bought by the Banking Clan prior to the Clone Wars, since this context isn't given until after his hospital service. Unless it's really necessary, an option you might consider is removing this sentence and simply mentioning the Confederacy with Grievous. If you still need help, let me know.  CC7567  (talk) 19:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I removed some stuff from the Characteristics (namely, the part about his curiosity with Grievous's transformation) because it wasn't really verified; when he inquired about "the changes," the droid could have been either talking about the installing of the general's cybernetics itself or new improvements that were added later, and there wasn't a lot of evidence for either one.  CC7567  (talk) 00:12, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Didn't Filoni's commentary clear that up pretty well? That the intention of that line was to make the reason behind Grievous's transformation into a cyborg more ambiguous? Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 04:43, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Tauht

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 09:22, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A redshirt-type character, whose article has somehow reached 1,082 words. Enjoy.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 1)
Support

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *"Along with Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Plo Koon, he was dispatched to the planet Khorm in order to secure the valuable Agrocite ore, which had been captured by the Separatists." Why is the agrocite ore valuable?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *" However, the communication tower was destroyed by explosives detonated by Ventress." Give some kind of time placement for this. Was it as Tauht tried to contact Koon?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *"Having been warned not to underestimate Ventress," When?
 * 7) **The exact timeframe is unknown. I hope "previously" should do the trick...
 * 8) *Other than that, looks good.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:46, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for review. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 16:49, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Single source for now. I'll source the article if he gets mentioned in the subsequent issues.
 * P&T and P&A are pretty minimal, but that's all there is to say about him. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 09:22, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Adanar

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:17, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1156 words. Part of FloydProject: Path of Destruction.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 2)
Support

Object
 * 1) Naru
 * 2) *"The Sith eventually repelled the Trandoshan attack and annihilated the remaining Republic forces, and in the end Hsskhor was razed to the ground." Double "and."
 * 3) *"However, Adanar was emotionally scarred and traumatized by the battle." You say ths several times in the article but what about the battle left him traumatized?
 * 4) *"Dessel would eventually become Darth Bane, one of the most influential Dark Lords of the Sith in galactic history." This is kindof POVish.
 * 5) *"Adanar looked up to and greatly admired Dessel, and was both astonished by Dessel's abilities and trusting in Dessel's leadership." Double "and."
 * 6) *A very good article. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:50, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Pasta! Pasta!
 * 8) *Throughout the article, the tense needs to be checked. There are a lot of instances of present/future conditional tenses rather than a type of past tense. Please fix this.
 * 9) *"He joined the Sith army in 1,003 BBY, on the same day as his future friend Dessel, and was placed in the Gloom Walkers unit." I think it would be better to reword it so that "future" is not used. It is kind of a gray area regarding perception of tense and time in the article. A clause like "who later became" might fit better and feel more past tense. The sentence will probably need to be split up to accommodate that, which is really fine anyway.
 * 10) *I know this falls under &mdash;but I am bringing it to your attention for during your copyedit&mdash;check your comma usage with quasi-compound sentences. Such as, "Adanar first saw battle in the Battle of Kashyyyk, and later fought in the Battle of Hsskhor&hellip;" No comma here. When I go through it again, I'll fix any that remain.
 * 11) *"Over the next year, Adanar would fight in scores of battles on half a dozen worlds." (1) Same objection as with Ulabore regarding statistics. (2) Half-a-dozen is not good English. It is a slang idiom.
 * 12) *There are quite a few sentences that border on or are run-ons in the article. While this is a minor one, here is one example: "Adanar and Dessel were placed in the same unit, the Gloom Walkers, under the command of Lieutenant Ulabore and would eventually become good friends." The whole section about becoming friends should probably be in the next sentence. Again, this one is minor, but a few others really should be restructured. Just give it a good copyedit when you fix the tenses. Here is a better example of a sentence that should be split: "Alone and surrounded by enemies, Lieutenant Ulabore panicked, but, luckily for the Gloom Walkers, Dessel was able to lead them on a three-day march back to the main force."
 * 13) *"Dessel would eventually become Darth Bane, one of the most influential Dark Lords of the Sith in galactic history." Naru is right, this is not NPOV.
 * 14) Few things:
 * 15) *I'd like to see his sex mentioned in the body since it's given in the intro.
 * 16) *Is there any more detail given about how the battle emotionally scarred him?
 * 17) *Otherwise, nice work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:03, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Kal'Shebbol

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:14, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes with Kal'Shebbol.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object

Comments

Generis

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 00:45, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A generic planet article

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 10:42, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A few trifles
 * 2) * Intro: "Generis became a strategic location for the Alliance, coordinating its forces throughout the Atrivis sector." &mdash; this reads as though Generis is coordinating the Alliance forces, could you reword this a litte/add what's necessary?
 * 3) **Done
 * 4) * Locations: "Ruins of Rakatan temples dotted the Generis jungle, of a distinctly alien design" &mdash; it seems a little strange to state that the temples were made by the (alien) Rakata and that the temples were of a "distinctly alien design". Is this a throwback to the pre-Atlas article's info or do you want to keep this in?
 * 5) **A combination, really. The description is from pre-Atlas sources, and as it is the only indicator of their design, I'd like to keep it. I think it does add something, although I've added the word exotic to convey their alien-ness.
 * 6) ***Okay cool!
 * 7) *This is just a great article, Ey; I really enjoyed reading it. Interesting that they tied in the ruins to the Rakata in the Atlas. - —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 11:25, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Thanks for the review and the words, Harrar. From what I can tell, they gave Rakatan origins to temples on other worlds too, such as Hijarna and Xo, which is a really nice bit of continuity. --Eyrezer 00:46, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) IFYLOFD:
 * 10) *"Generis was a planet of stunning natural beauty located in the Generis system" A bit POVish.
 * 11) **That's pretty much verbatim from The Thrawn Trilogy Sourcebook
 * 12) *The lead quote and the quote for the New Republic section are the same.
 * 13) **Changed lead quote.
 * 14) *Quotes for Military personnel or Locations?
 * 15) **Added some. --Eyrezer 06:23, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:47, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Alema Rar

 * Nominated by: -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 16:50, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This time last summer, I began work on Alema. In that time, I've learned a lot about level of detail, writing, article flow and the need to steer clear of melodrama. Due to the article's long and extensive time in the workshop, and its numerous revisions, you may still find small indications of this habit. For that I apologise. I also apologise for Alema's long length; she stands now as the 9th longest (though I removed over 16,000 bytes of over-detail in the last week) article on the site. Anyway, I don't expect anything much for a while so we can sit back and watch her stew for as long as it takes. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 16:50, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD, Part 1:
 * 2) *"The two Twi'lek girls were eventually rescued from their bleak existence" Bleak is sorta POVish.
 * 3) **It really isn't. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:55, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Give more context in the intro on the Yuuzhan Vong invasion.
 * 5) **Have a look.
 * 6) *In the intro, give info on the Mission to Myrkr's objective.
 * 7) *"who had been abducted by Dark Jedi Lomi Plo and Welk during the mission" What mission? Clarify.
 * 8) *Give context on what a "Night Herald" is in the intro.
 * 9) *Give context in the intro on the Dark Nest Crisis and the Swarm War.
 * 10) *"Rar was eager to exact her own form of revenge upon Organa Solo and Skywalker." In the intro, "own form" links to The Balance. How is it a form of revenge? IIRC it was merely her philosophy.
 * 11) **Good point, that is a tenuous pipelink.
 * 12) *Context in the intro for the One Sith, and her dalliance with them should be expanded upon a little bit there.
 * 13) *"the fallen Jedi was tracked down to the late Lumiya's retreat," If you're going to call her "the late Lumiya", give context on her death.
 * 14) *"Together, they witnessed much of the cruelty and hardships of the galaxy. " Such as?
 * 15) *"hand-to-mouth existence" Somewhat colloquial.
 * 16) **Not really. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:55, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *Why did the Rar sisters want everyone else to believe they were only one person? Clarify.
 * 18) *"killing seven million" Seven million what?
 * 19) *"The Rar sisters were only just able to flee in time, hiding with several thousand other beings aboard a fleet of intrasystem ore miners until help arrived in the form of the Corellian cruiser Nebula Chaser, already loaded with refugees." Break this up.
 * 20) *Is there an article for the star system where the Nebula Chaser came under attack? If so, link it, if not make one.
 * 21) *"With their power to shut down their presences in the Force having no effect," No effect on what?
 * 22) *"On the way they had to abandon their lightsabers, in order to trick the Yuuzhan Vong who questioned them, and thus when the voxyn intercepted the Rar sisters as they entered an escape pod in one of the cruiser's launch bays, they had only the Force to defend themselves against the creature's many natural weapons." Break this up.
 * 23) *Context on Anakin Solo in The path to Myrkr.
 * 24) *Context on Jacen Solo.
 * 25) *"Alema Rar, on the other hand, was the principal adherent of the view that the means justified the ends" Do you mean "the ends justified the means"?
 * 26) **So comes the lowest moment in my editing career.
 * 27) *Context on what a Force Meld is.
 * 28) *"Kore soon managed to bring about the death of the voxyn" How could she do this if she was being tortured? Clarify.
 * 29) *"The Exquisite Death traveled faster toward Myrkr." Merge this with the preceding sentence.
 * 30) *"as well as going on point with the young man," What do you mean by "going on point"?
 * 31) *How did they know that Rhysode was on the bridge?
 * 32) *"the Jedi prepared either to enter hibernation trances to recover from their trauma, or to hunt down the remaining voxyn roaming the vessel's ventilation ducts." You mention this like it is a choice they needed to make, burt you don't speak of it again. What did they do?
 * 33) *Did they know that the voxyn queen was on Baanu Rass? If so, mention it before.
 * 34) *Any info on Alema's previous experience as an insertion agent? Was it on New Plympto?
 * 35) *"new silver-bladed lightsaber." Any info on when she got this? You state she left her lightsaber behind on the Nebula Chaser.
 * 36) *You use the word "warren" repeatedly in "Insertion on Baanu Rass". Vary it up.
 * 37) *"She and a similarly comatose Welk were taken to safety by Veila and Tekli while the team set up an ambush for the pursuing Yuuzhan Vong warrior contingent. The unconscious Twi'lek went hidden and unscathed as the warriors were successfully routed and ambushed." Two uses of "ambush". Vary it up.
 * 38) *You say that Eryl Besa was "lost" during the ambush, but after describing Anakin's wound you say she died "shortly thereafter". Which is it? Clarify.
 * 39) *"laid her enemies low." What do you mean by this? Killing them?
 * 40) **Yep, but I changed it up.
 * 41) *" as well as the resources of smuggling and intelligence kingpin Talon Karrde." I don't think "resources" is the correct word here.
 * 42) *Tell what the plan to find out how the Yuuzhan Vong were tracking refugee ships.
 * 43) *Link to the Duel in the Well of the World Brain in the first paragraph of Knighting and service under Kre'fey.
 * 44) **Added.
 * 45) *Tell how Jacen survived Myrkr, since you state that they felt his disappearance in the Force.
 * 46) *Why did they want to capture Vergere if she had helped Jacen? Clarify.
 * 47) *Context on Corran Horn.
 * 48) **Added
 * 49) *"Vergere, who had been hidden aboard the Ralroost," The way this is worded makes it sound like someone else hid her there; if that is the case, clarify who.
 * 50) **Changed it to "who had been hiding"
 * 51) *Mention Lah's death during the Battle of Ebaq 9.
 * 52) **Added.
 * 53) *"the eight devices were cannibalized to fix the Golan II's broken hyperdrive. " I don't think cannibalized is the correct word here.
 * 54) **It's a very common usage in terms of technology. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:55, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) *"Once the majority of the convoy's vessels had been immobilized, Rar joined the attack on the coralskippers protecting the convoy." Two uses of "convoy", vary it up.
 * 56) *"the convoy was soon boarded by Galactic Alliance troops. " The way this is worded makes it sound like there was only one ship in the convoy. Were all the ships boarded?
 * 57) *"emerged as expected in the Calamari system." Why would they expect this?
 * 58) *Is there an article for the squadron Alema commanded in the Battle of Mon Calamari?
 * 59) *Context on what a yammosk is.
 * 60) *Context on Alpha Red.
 * 61) *More to come.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 07:41, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) **Thanks for diving in Floyd, I will start dealing with these objections properly soon, I just need to set up shop with all my books and stuff and I'm pretty exhausted at the moment. Probably tomorrow or Monday. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 17:29, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I left in a "physical appearance" section due to Alema's...ah...somewhat unique nature as a many-times-mutilated Twi'lek. If enough people think that it's extraneous I have no problem with removing it. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 16:50, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I count 6 redlinks: Missile hold, Proton detonator, Message dinghy, Containment line, Resort satellite & Emergency decompression helmet. You might want to see to these whilst waiting for reviews. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:34, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * While I know it's generally bad taste to nominate an article with redlinks, I will get these done during the review process. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 12:24, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Peragus II

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:54, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: When I first started editing again, I wouldn't have GANed it and would have merely FANed it, had I better known the Wook. Either way, many objections will have been fixed by the GAN process. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:54, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total/INQCON 0)
Support

Object

Comments

Cham Syndulla

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 22:29, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another old GA. Finally had the time to rewrite it from its rather poor state.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) I hear you liek clone warz!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:35, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Blah
 * 2) * "Syndulla did not not onto his personal disputes with Taa" Err...what? :P You're missing a word.
 * 3) **...eh. Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 17:43, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "because of later changes due to a lack of sense in the plot" So, they changed it because the plot made no sense? Could you rephrase this a bit? It's a touch...odd, and POVish.
 * 5) **Rephrased.  CC7567  (talk) 17:43, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Real nice work, CC.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:35, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review, Chack. Just a note: I've replaced the Palpatine link in the quote caption because it's the only time he's in the article. If there's a problem with that, I'll try to catch you on IRC later.  CC7567  (talk) 17:43, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Lorth Needa

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:44, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: After working on this for God-knows-how-long, I've finally decided to stop being lazy and nominate this.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total/INQCON 1)
Support
 * 1) Per pre-nom review. Nice work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:00, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Note: On the advice of Toprawa, I'm going to get a few more images. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:46, 7 August 2009 (UTC)