Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/CT-7719

CT-7719

 * Nominated by: Demos Traxen (talk) 18:10, September 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

Object

 * 1) Cade
 * 2) *Get rid of the redirects.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) *Nothing is sourced.
 * 5) **I thought I had done this. Done.
 * 6) *Where is the Behind the Scenes section?
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) *As a clone, there is a lot more biological info you can get for the infobox.
 * 9) **Got it. Done.
 * 10) *That intro likely needs to be longer. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 18:17, September 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * 11) **Done.--Demos Traxen (talk) 18:46, September 21, 2012 (UTC)

Savaged&hellip;

 * Glad to see a nomination from you! It takes a while to get used to everything, so be patient and you'll see the article pass eventually. First thing's first: Whenever you add quotes to an article, there has to be a quote at the very top of the article, right under the infobox. I'd suggest moving one of the body-text quotes up to the top and then finding another quote for that slot if possible.
 * Thanks! Got this fixed - Unfortunately, Banks doesn't get many good lines, so I don't think there's another one to move into the body.
 * Can you clarify the dates in the intro? It makes it sound like was created in 22 BBY, but I think you mean that is the first year of the war. I'd move the date reference down to the mention of "First year of the war" instead.
 * Hope this is better now.
 * You can probably get away with only one paragraph for the intro, since the first paragraph is only two sentences long.
 * Done.
 * In the lead, "the Oznek" needs context and a link. By that, you mean the Toma, right?
 * Fixed.
 * Be sure that everything you mention in the infobox is also mentioned in the body of the article. For instance, you can give Banks's height, hair color, and skin color in the "Personality and traits" section.
 * Done.
 * On that note, you should add skin color to the infobox.
 * Done.
 * HIs hair looks brown, not black, to me.
 * It does, indeed... As a clone character, I figured we had to chalk that up to the colorist's choices, because I thought assuming it was dyed wouldn't be a wise move.
 * Don't make that assumption; just say it was brown. The colorist made it brown, so we can't assume that it wasn't, or that's just as speculative in my opinion. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 12:32, September 24, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done.
 * You can perhaps go into some other detail about his physical appearance in "Personality and traits." He seems to have scars on his face, for instance. What kind of haircut did he have? What did his armor look like? These are important concerns since clones distinguished themselves through hair and armor deco.
 * Done, I think.
 * The "Biography" veers into play-by-play territory in a few places. For instance, the opening conversation between Banks, Sykes, and Ghost shouldn't be recounted line by line. Instead, just say something to the effect that Banks had trouble with his squad early on since he felt they were unprofessional or whatever, and mention the couple of salient details that later come into play with Banks's character growth. Similarly, after they destroy the first droid onslaught, just give us the highlights: they regroup, ask Banks about his name, he shoots, they get the array working. Then, don't give us a line-by-line recounting of Banks and Kishpaugh's conversation, just the gist of it.
 * Building off of what you'd already done, I think this is completely fixed now.
 * Maybe?
 * I still think there's lots of play-by-play to be reduced. Like the part about Banks removing his helmet, then this guy commented, then this other guy laughed, then Banks said this... Gloss over this to give us the important points without the line-by-line explanation of what was said. It's an art, not a science, so give it another shot. :) ~ Savage BOB sig.png 03:17, September 25, 2012 (UTC)
 * By the way, I tried to do some of this on my last copy edit, as a guide. But I left the part about taking off Banks's helmet alone. Maybe compare its level of detail to some of the other areas where you and I have glossed more if you need pointers. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 11:11, September 25, 2012 (UTC)
 * Watch the refs - you only use the {{Ref| tags in the infobox, not the body. A body ref should look something like this:.
 * Fixed.
 * The clone eaten by the animal - do we know his name? He should get an article one way or the other. Similarly, the creature that eats him should have an article for its type (not the individual member of the species but the species itself).
 * Fixed, added.
 * The conversation about customized or battle-scarred armor is important to Banks's later character change, granted, but cut down the detail severely in Bio.
 * Done.
 * The ancient city ruins should receive a link and an article.
 * Done.
 * The Toma's leader needs to be linked and given an article.
 * Done.
 * I don't understand the bit about Cutter saying the Toma can't live. Did he intend to kill them or something? Why did that prompt Banks to leave him behind?
 * Done.
 * Are the guards of the facility droids or Toma?
 * Fixed.
 * The battle between Banks and Ghost can be pared down a bit so it's not a play-by-play recounting of their fight and conversation. Just give us the gist.
 * Done.
 * "before the Toma caught up to him." The Toma were chasing them? This is the first we learn of this.
 * Clarified.
 * Fixed.
 * The power plant and the pilot droid in the story each have their own articles; you should track them down and link them.
 * Fixed
 * Still no link for the pilot droid that I can see. It's Z-37, I believe. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 12:32, September 24, 2012 (UTC)
 * The confrontation between Banks and Kishpaugh should be glossed over a bit more so it's not a line-by-line recount of what they say to each other.
 * Pretty glossy now.
 * The snow-covered planet should get a link and an article, even if it's just as Unidentified snow-covered planet.
 * Fixed.
 * I think the quote in "Personality and traits" got clipped somehow. Can you check it again?
 * I don't think so... Unless you mean the next word bubble from Banks. I guess we could include that too.
 * Sorry, I mean the quote here: "It's just mathematics. Same training we all, only I can see the angles better than most." "Same training we all" what? It looks like some words are missing. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 23:52, September 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Ah, got it. "Had". Done.--Demos Traxen (talk) 01:30, September 23, 2012 (UTC)
 * I don't think Banks is mentioned by name in the Databank, so that shouldn't be listed as a source for his article. (Keep in mind that listing something in "Notes and references" does not mean it must necessarily also be listed under "Appearances" or "Sources." Those are reserved for explicit mentions of the subject of the article.) ~ Savage BOB sig.png 16:07, September 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * Fixed as well. I wasn't aware of this, and I'm pretty sure I've done this in other articles. Thanks for the clarification.--Demos Traxen (talk) 18:55, September 22, 2012 (UTC)
 * OK, a bit more. Droid army is a redirect to Droid Army, which is a disambiguation page. Can you figure out which droid army is appropriate and link to it directly?
 * Got it.
 * "Wielding two blaster pistols, Banks and the other clones fought..." This makes it sound like they only had two blaster pistols among them. Can you rephrase?
 * Fixed
 * I'm not sure of the link between Cutter saying he's going to kill the Toma and Banks deciding to leave Cutter behind. Is it because Banks doesn't want to be part of killing the Toma?
 * Done. "...due to the allotted time frame."
 * "He then asked General Swan to no longer use his clone designation and instead to refer to him as Banks." Can you give some temporal context here? Anything: during a battle, on a snowy day, etc. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 03:17, September 25, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done.

Jangston

 * I took care of some issues in the infobox for you&mdash;missing Ref tag and you sourced the name. Please pay close attention in the future.
 * I appreciate it.
 * As a clone of Jango, his hair color should be black&mdash;or now, originally black&mdash;so before mentioning that he dyed his hair brown, you could add Black in the infobox and source it to AOTC, or any source depicting Jango and clones. I only advised AOTC because of previous status articles using it.
 * Fixed, hope this settles the discrepancies.
 * I am unfamiliar with the source, albeit I know how TCW works, but does it mention that the events of the book take place in 22 BBY?
 * Yeah, at the beginning of the comic, it cites the time frame.
 * Just to let you know, you do not have to pipelink links to lower case them. I.e, planet . You can just say planet . I hope this makes sense.
 * It does, thanks.
 * Is there enough information for Banks' mission? If so, possibly you could create an article.
 * All the information on the mission is basically his biography, since the comic was really all about him. I'll still make one happen.
 * A lot of the dialogue in the first section is rather play-by-play. Basically you could briefly mention their discussion in the bio, but could go into greater detail in Banks' P&T, if it's all related to him. See what you could do to fix this.
 * "Syke then asked Ghost for a story of his own to explain a point of damage on the back of his own helmet, but the older clone demurred. Banks pointed out that they could all ask for their armor to be repaired, or even receive new armor, but Syke held that a clone's armor was a way of telling a unique and individual story. He asked Banks why they would ever want to throw that away. The Sergeant had no answer" Same as above
 * "Banks and the others fled" See what you could do to merge this short choppy sentence with the previous sentence.
 * More to come.  JangFett  (Talk) 05:45, September 30, 2012 (UTC)
 * Fixed.--Demos Traxen (talk) 17:15, September 30, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

 * Did you happen to read the nomination rules? 1358  (Talk)  18:14, September 21, 2012 (UTC)
 * I did, and I'm working to improve my work, using the suggestions above.--Demos Traxen (talk) 18:49, September 21, 2012 (UTC)