Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Sith Emperor

Sith Emperor

 * Nominated by: Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 05:43, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Oww... my head hurts. Can't think of a joke or witty comment. I'm going to sleep.

Support

 * 1) If Sidious and Vitiate teamed up the entire Universe would be totally doomed. Plagueis327 (talk) 03:06, November 4, 2012 (UTC)

Glancing by

 * Those three Cite web references need to be more completely filled out.
 * Done.
 * Ref needs to be used throughout the succession box, and the "beforeyears" and "afteryears" fields need to be filled in.
 * Done
 * The "concurrent with" people need citations.  CC7567  (talk) 19:00, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * Completely rewrote the succession box, as it was partially incorrect and I had actually not looked at it before now. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 20:10, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * Refs need to come after punctuation.  CC7567  (talk) 23:48, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * Fixed.
 * Regarding the years: I would strongly suggest not using a "?" as the end date identifier. If the last date is unknown, we usually just leave an em dash and put the refs after the dash, like here.  CC7567  (talk) 23:48, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * Removed. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 17:47, October 4, 2012 (UTC)

Also glancing

 * "Intent on waging war upon the Republic so that he could complete his ritual again on a galactic scale, the Emperor influenced the leader of the Mandalorian culture into attacking the Republic, and made the powerful Jedi Knights Revan and Malak into his agents when the pair attempted to confront the Sith leader." this is a run-on. Also, the way Revan and Malak are introduced makes it appear as though they were Mandalorians. Give context here on his association with the Jedi.
 * Done. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 21:15, October 3, 2012 (UTC)
 * More to come.  —Tommy  9281  Wednesday, October 3, 2012, 20:55 UTC 
 * "From there the Sith rebuilt their Empire and spent the next millennia planning revenge upon the Republic," not quite so, largely due to the arrangement of your words. I'd have changed it but I want you to be aware of little details like this: the Sith didn't spend that time plotting revenge. Remember how content the Empire was with just existing anonymously in Revan? The millennia was spent rebuilding, not plotting.
 * Done. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 03:35, October 14, 2012 (UTC)
 * More to come.  —Tommy  9281  Thursday, October 11, 2012, 13:26 UTC 
 * The transition between second and third paras of the intro leaves the reader sort of wondering what happened in between. Some sort of brief tie in is required here, perhaps a time reference.
 * Done.
 * "During its course, the Emperor's apprentice Exal Kressh betrayed the Empire when she learned that her Master intended to make her the first of his Children, and the Emperor soon perfected the process to create the Children of the Emperor&mdash;the ultimate extensions of his will." This reads kind of awkward.
 * Done.
 * The fourth para of the intro leaves me asking why a lot, ie more context for some things is needed.
 * Done.
 * You also use a lot of future tense, "would," etc. Please use past tense.
 * Done. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 04:28, October 18, 2012 (UTC)
 * More to come  —Tommy  9281  Wednesday, October 17, 2012, 08:12 UTC 
 * In the intro: "The Sith Lord Darth Baras attempted to trap the Emperor's Voice on the planet Voss, but the Emperor escaped with the aid of his newest Wrath and prepared for a final confrontation with the Hero after his servants failed to start his ritual on Belsavis, Voss, and Corellia..." reads like the Hero's servants faild to start the ritual.
 * Done.
 * You discuss the confrontation between Tenebrae's stepfather and his wife, and then talk about the boy as though we already knew he was present, which isn't the case.
 * Done.
 * An article needs to be either linked or properly created with regard to Tenebrae's ability to feed off of people's suffering, especially because it is not a unique phenomenon in SW lore.
 * Done. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 21:05, November 29, 2012 (UTC)

A third glance

 * I'll come back for a more thorough review, but for now I can see that the P&T is severely lacking in comprehensiveness (and therefore length). Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 17:53, October 4, 2012 (UTC)
 * Hmm.... fair point, Trayus. He's a megalomaniacal psychopath who doesn't feel emotion (or anything else) and desires the death of everything. I'll expand it after I take this test. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 18:00, October 4, 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 22:03, October 4, 2012 (UTC)
 * Good stuff. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 15:49, October 7, 2012 (UTC)

Momma always said: Do not glance at people!

 * I noticed the Ravager artifact isn't mentioned in the article. FYI you can find it in one of the latter quests of the Sith Warrior's prologue (inside the Dark Temple). Basically, Darth Baras sends the Warrior to retrieve this artifact that was created by the Emperor and that could break any mind (while at the same time liquifying the subject's brain), which the latter used to retrieve ?knowledge? from his enemies (rival Sith Lords). Winterz (talk) 03:24, December 24, 2012 (UTC)
 * "Another one of the Emperor's experiments in the Dark Temple led to the creation of the Ravager, a device that consumed its victims' minds and forced them to reveal their greatest secrets as they died. Not even members of the Dark Council could withstand the Ravager, but the Emperor eventually locked it away in the Dark Temple with the Phobis Core and other experiments—both failed and successful." :P Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 03:26, December 24, 2012 (UTC)
 * Damn it, I was starting to get excited! Oh well... ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) Winterz (talk) 03:31, December 24, 2012 (UTC)

The Sith Emperor

 * A few prelims: Looking at the succession box of Darth Nihilus, it looks like there are some other concurrent Dark Lords of the Sith you could add to this guy's succession box.
 * Done.
 * Coolio. It looks like you have ref [25] twice in a row, which isn't necessary; you can just stick it once after both Revan and Malak. Also, would it be worth adding "some point before 67 BBY" to this guy's reign ... ?
 * Done.
 * I'm guessing that images of this guy aren't as readily available as it may seem due to all his random host bodies and his true form and whatnot, but... are there any other images of him available, at all? I ask because the biography has a lot of images of other people instead of him. "Appears in hologram" is mentioned a lot in the Appearances section, which makes it seem like there are some images you could grab from the timelines.
 * Sadly, I was only able to get two images. This image appears in Timelines 4, 5, 6, and 7, so I'll use that since I apparently didn't for some reason.
 * There are a few image captions missing punctuation --- remember that present-tense full sentences need them too.
 * Done.
 * Still a few remaining. Menkooroo (talk) 15:23, January 13, 2013 (UTC)
 * Done.
 * Can you establish near the beginning of the bio that Medriaas is in the Sith Worlds? That's all for now; but I'll give this puppy a full review, slowly, over the coming weeks. Menkooroo (talk) 04:35, January 3, 2013 (UTC)
 * Done. I shudder at the length of time a review of the Hero will take :P Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 00:03, January 4, 2013 (UTC)
 * Since he puts his people into a panic with tales of how the Republic will destroy them, I think it's worth mentioning that the Republic did in fact return to Sith space after the GHW and initiate the Sith holocaust.
 * Done.
 * The last paragraph of "Sith Lord of Nathema" says that he achieves immortality, but the next section says that he needs to draw on the life forces of his Servants in order to sustain his life. I'm not familiar with the source material and am legitimately confused; can the article offer an explanation to reconcile the two statements?
 * Ah, I think I resolved this. I changed it to "virtual immortality", as the lifespan of his natural body was extended for an immense and currently unknown length of time, but the Encyclopedia is actually more specific on the Servants' role in that "the Emperor draws on his servants' strength in the Force to feed his ever-increasing power" - so I guess they're there to sustain his strength, not his lifeforce. I changed the servant paragraph slightly to show that.
 * I removed the link to Sith Order in "Rebuilding an empire," as it's a disambig page. Is it worth creating an article for Vitiate's Sith Order? The One Sith are distinct from Darth Krayt's Galactic Empire, and the Order of the Sith Lords are distinct from the Galactic Empire, FWIW.
 * That's actually an excellent idea. I'll do that.
 * "he soon led a great exodus from the Sith Worlds into the unknown parts of the galaxy." Is this the Unknown Regions? I was going to link that but I just want to make sure.
 * He's leading them into the area around/near the Sith Worlds, which isn't what we consider the Unknown Regions today - though it might have been considered as such back then, so I don't really know.
 * The first few paragraphs of "Rebuilding an empire" make it seem like the Empire is only located on Dromund Kaas. Then the mention of the Sith Academy on Korriban kind of comes out of nowhere. Can you make it clear early on that they're planet-spanning? This is also another good reason for the Sith Holocaust to be mentioned --- the Republic knows where Korriban is, and mentioning that the Republic thinks the Sith are wiped out would be a good explanation as to why the Sith can operate on Korriban.
 * Ah, that's referring to the post-3,681 BBY Empire that reclaims Korriban. Specified.
 * I've added a bunch of redlinks that'll need to be filled in.
 * Taken care of, though I removed the link to the village because his palace was built over the top of the village.
 * "Sith assassin" is only used as a descriptor for Teneb Kel in the intro. Can you find a place to mention and link it in the bio?
 * Done.
 * To keep the article's focus on the Sith Emperor, can you mention his public claim that Revan and Malak were executed earlier? When they first return to the known galaxy, rather than later on as a flashback?
 * Done.
 * In what year does the Revan novel take place? Can you mention and link it?
 * 3,954 BBY for part 1, mentioned in the first Conspiracies paragraph, and also mentioned 3,950 for part 2.
 * Done the bio up to the beginning of "Return to the known galaxy." Good job so far; it's well-written and you're better at the dash policy than I am. Linking isn't great, though, so check out my copy-edit so far. Also, tense; there's a lot of things like "would go on to" instead of the better "went on to." The article's also very emdash heavy, and dashes are used a lot when a comma would fit better. I've removed some. Menkooroo (talk) 15:23, January 13, 2013 (UTC)
 * Followed through on the tenses; shouldn't be many "would"s left. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 17:39, January 13, 2013 (UTC)
 * Can we get some context on the Ovair family on their first mention?
 * Force-sensitive, I guess? Not much more context that I can think of.
 * Why would Sadow's spirit target a target of the Sith Emperor? Does he view Vitiate as a pretender or something?
 * Honestly? No idea. Gnost-Dural was very specific on the threat part but not on the how, and Trayus didn't seem to understand any better when he wrote up Ovair and Gynt. The most I was able to add was that he was a possible threat to the Emperor's power and his invasion.
 * Can you mention his ritual preparations on Korriban before mentioning that he sends Kressh to Lenico IV? They're currently recalled afterward in a "he had already done this" sentence, but no reason not to keep it as chronologically linear as possible.
 * Reversed.
 * Should Children of the Empire still capitalize Children when just referred to as "children" ? It isn't capitalized on its first mention but is on subsequent mentions.
 * Eh, capitalized.
 * "The Council accepted, granting Kel the title of Darth Thanaton and learned of the Children of the Emperor" --- I'm confused by this sentence. Is "learned" some sort of title, or is the grammar off?
 * *grammarhammer*
 * I'd like to see a mention of how the Republic screws up the first few years of the war and has to go on the offensive for a decade --- the article currently mentions that the Empire wins the first few battles, then there's no word of the war's progress until the Republic begins to gain ground on Alderaan and Rhen Var. It seems especially important to this guy, since those first ten years of the Empire's success are a result of his his 1300-year plan.
 * Contextualized and rewritten, especially since Rhen Var actually isn't until the end of the war.
 * I think the war, and particularly the Sith Empire's role in it, could benefit from some more detail overall --- the alliance with the Mandalorians, for example. Not directly related to Vitiate, no, but an important part of the war that he engineered and something that helps lead his forces to victory.
 * Done as well.
 * Some context on the Treaty of Coruscant and what it entails is needed at the end of "A renewed war." Similarly, the next section should better describe the Cold War and what it means for the galaxy.
 * Done.
 * Context is given on the Emperor's Hand in the "Cold War" section of the bio, but it's already been given earlier during their first mention and isn't needed again.
 * Fixed.
 * Can the beginning of "The Jedi threat" indicate that Angral's Desolator campaign is one of the catalysts of the end of the Cold War? Otherwise it reads kinda weirdly that he's able to do that in the middle of a Cold War.
 * Done.
 * That same section should also more clearly indicate when the Cold War stops and the second war begins. Second Great Galactic War isn't currently linked in the bio. Menkooroo (talk) 10:38, January 15, 2013 (UTC)
 * Done. Cade   Calrayn  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg 21:31, January 15, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

 * Doing this from the IPad on a tenuous Internet connection...  —Tommy  9281  Thursday, October 11, 2012, 13:27 UTC