Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue
 * Featured article nominations history
 * FA queue checklist
 * What is a featured article?

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

Corran Horn

 * Nominated by: Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it.

(2 Inq/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Imperialles 20:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Great.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:05, 19 June 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Imperialles's objections:
 * 2) * Image:BattleofThyferra-crop.jpg's infobox lacks some fields.
 * 3) *I'll put Image:ScreenShot0153.JPG on my to-do list (not an objection).
 * Image:Corran Horn 4.jpg is sort of distorted. Possible to remedy at all?
 * 1) **Replaced with Image:Njo Corran.png. -- Ozzel 06:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nice work. --Imperialles 15:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 1 of 4)
 * First off, a comment. This is certainly one of the largest undertakings I have ever done on the Wook - reading this article, I mean. In fact, in order to even think of such a thing, I had to go off and print the content of the article (barring pictures and templates). At 8pt font, 0.12" margins (save for a 2" margin on the right), and with images and templates culled, I was able to squeeze the entire article into a convenient 40-page document, suitable for printing. Without modifications, the entire article is 111 pages long. 111. I must say that I am entirely impressed. And, all that to say... Inqs who are looking at this article and saying "Damn", I suggest that you do what I did, and print out the article, be it in small chunks or as a whole thing. In paper form, it's a whole lot easier to concentrate and make notations than on a computer screen. In fact, it only took me about an hour to read through 10 pages of my 40-page doc.
 * TL;DR version: Print out the damn article and review it already, Inqs. It's not that hard to read. :P
 * Secondly, another comment. I realize that, as I'm not an Inq, my vote really has no weight in this matter. That being said, I really wanted to review this article. Not because I'm looking for a way to push into the Inq-ing status, not because I feel like messing with Havac, but because I know (from personal experience) that an FAN that has nothing happening to it is worse to have running than an FAN with objections and the like, showing that it's not catatonic. Nothing is worse than having a stale FAN sitting for weeks on end without people even making an effort. Hence, my objection list is as follows (note that this is part 1 of 4. Article's long!):
 * 1) *INTRO
 * 2) ** Second paragraph, latter part. Make sure that you make the point that, after the Bacta Wars, Rogue Squadron reformed. As it stands now, you have "led Rogue Squadron in resigning", followed by "continued his career in Rogue Squadron"... without any mention of Rogue Squadron actually reforming.
 * 3) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 4) **Formative years
 * 5) *** Second paragraph, last sentence: Where does it come from? It doesn't seem to fit within the paragraph it's attached to.
 * 6) **Capturing Zekka Thyne
 * 7) *** I've noticed this throughout all of the scenes where Corran and Hal are working together: You use a lot of "Horn" where either Corran or Hal could be placed. For example, look at paragraph 3, first sentence: "Horn headed to the freighter, the Hopskip, with the others..." The reader isn't entirely sure which Horn you're talking about, until later in the paragraph. As I said before, this seems to be pretty prevalent throughout the father/son scenes. Is it possible to persuade you to use first names for clarification's sake?
 * 8) ****Alright, the explanation works. Stricken.
 * 9) **Living with loss
 * 10) *** Second "paragraph" (yeah, the one with two sentences) - any chance you can expand this, or group it together with a relevant thought? As it stands, it's pretty much just floating there.
 * 11) *** More instances of "Corran/Hal Horn" - which one is it, etc.
 * 12) *** Third paragraph, 4th sentence (ref'd [8]): "Morose and constantly reliving the past, Horn was only brought back to the present when Wessiri and Bastra got him into a cantina brawl, helping him focus himself on living his life now." - The now at the end of this sentence just feels too... present-tense. Perhaps a change to "in the present", or something similar?
 * 13) **Becoming a Rogue
 * 14) *** Rephrase first paragraph, last sentence. The use of the semicolon there just doesn't feel right. My suggestion is to remove the semicolon, and put a small phrase, "due to his thoughts on", or something to that extent.
 * 15) **Activation
 * 16) *** 4th paragraph, 4th sentence; the "shred" here feels informal. Can I get a more formal description of the Lancer's abilities?
 * 17) **Readying to strike
 * 18) *** Paragraph 4, Last Sentence: Has "Black Sunners" ever been used IU? If not, I'd prefer a "Black Sun members", or something to that extent.
 * 19) ****Intriguing.
 * 20) *Aaaaand... that's it! (Part 1). I went through and touched some things up myself. Very good read, very long read, but very well done. I'm impressed, jealous, angry, frustrated, proud, and happy, all at once, after reading through this article. Once again, excellent job Havac. 07:25, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks to his notes on my talk page, all of Part 1 is resolved. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the Red Book of Chack Jadson:
 * 23) *Right now, I'm only on Becoming a Rogue, but I'll get more done soon. Anyway, here's what I've got at this point.
 * 24) * Link the battles in the intro; there are several that could have links.
 * 25) * The prose in the first paragraph of drifting into danger is kind of dull.
 * 26) * You use the term cover identities twice in the first sentence of on the run.
 * 27) * The first two sentences of the last paragraph of on the run are also somewhat dull.
 * 28) *Ramble on.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:57, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * In Captivity: "The guard struck Horn with his blaster, and Horn retaliated by reflexively throwing his bucket of gravel into the guard." (Use Ctl+F) The bucket part isn’t needed, IMO.
 * 30) * In the last sentence of this section, you mention there Dlarit escaped. I’d add something along the lines of, now revealed as a traitor.
 * 31) * "Almost all the rest of Rogue Squadron followed suit." Who didn’t? I thought they all did, but I’m likely wrong.
 * 32) * "In 19 ABY, Horn, by then promoted to the rank of commander, and the rest of the Rogues were attached to General Bel Iblis, and were on Morishim when an Imperial corvette, followed by an Imperial Star Destroyer, entered the system." This sentence should be split into two.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:43, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) From the Cluttered Workspace of Jorrel Fraajic (Part 2 of 4)
 * Yes, me again. Don't worry, not as long a listing as the last one, I promise. Just an aside to Havac: When/if you have addressed objections, or if you need to ask a question on one of them, please use my talk page. I pay more attention there (and I realize you're stuck in the IP mode again).
 * Onto the objections!
 * 1) *BIOGRAPHY
 * 2) **The Bacta War
 * 3) *** Last paragraph, 5th sentence: Reads really awkwardly, almost to the point of run-on.
 * 4) ****Nice job.
 * 5) **Battling Zsinj
 * 6) *** Third paragraph, last sentence: Whose archenemy, Corran's or Zsinj's? From information presented earlier in the article, this feels ambiguous.
 * 7) ****Explanation makes sense. Just glad you elaborated on the reasons.
 * 8) *** Ninth paragraph, 3rd sentence: You just "drop" a mention to Fel in here, without a link or any previous explanation of just who Fel is.
 * 9) ****Cool.
 * 10) **The return of Isard
 * 11) *** Minor note, not an objection: I reworded the end of the 6th paragraph and the start of the 7th to read slightly better (in my opinion). Feel free to change it back if you don't agree.
 * 12) ****Ugh, that's... bad. Thanks for the revert.
 * 13) **Becoming a Jedi
 * 14) ***First sentence, 4th sentence, end of sentence: It may just be me, but the line "...Tavira was travelling with enforcers who might be Force-sensitives." feels almost-present-tense. Please reword.
 * 15) ****Obviously, just me, based on the information you presented.
 * 16) *And part 2 is done. Much less than last time. I went ahead and touched up some things in Corran's article too. 04:52, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **All objections from Review, Part 2 are satisfied, although I am slightly confused as to the reversion of many of my other edits as well. Just wondering. 02:48, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) Not an actual review:
 * 19) * "''Horn served as a Jedi instructor, training his two children, Valin and Jysella, before the Yuuzhan Vong War broke out. Horn served a vital role in it, defeating Shedao Shai&hellip;" This, particularly the "it," seems a bit off to me.
 * 20) * No mention is made that Horn helped hunt down Jedi during his time with CorSec, which is clearly stated in Horn's Fact File.
 * 21) **I will probably review at least some of this article at some point. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:35, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Technically, now you haven't voted for it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:26, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Wow Havoc... and I thought it had gotten pretty long back when I was working on this... you blew that away, AND more or less re-did the entire article AND re-wrote it a lot better than my version. Anyways, while I'm probably not gonna be able to do much for at least a month until school gets out, just a couple quick things I noticed:
 * 1) Some of the section titles strike me as a bit unencyclopedic. For instance, "Supply run gone wrong" might want to be replaced by something like "Battle of Yag'Dhul" or "Return to Yag-prime," and "Drifting into danger" might want to be replaced with something like "Leaving CorSec." There are also some border-line section titles (Rogue rookie, Reign of terror)
 * 2) It could use some more pictures, especially in the the parts on Rogue Squadron and I, Jedi. That being said, having worked to this article before, I know there aren't a lot of pictures from that time of his life, so if you can't add any without making it seem really forced, that's fine.
 * 3) The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.

Other than that, great Job!!!

Wraith Squadron

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.
 * Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that from Starcraft? —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 12:55, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * So it is. :-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:32, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also working on redlinks, me.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Ah, I see. Pesky periods popped. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From Greyman:
 * 7) * In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters&hellip;". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
 * 8) **Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
 * 11) **I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Looks much better. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Ref punctuation errors galore! Refs with no spaces after them before the next sentence, refs before commas, and, worst of all, multiple instances of refs with commas on both sides. (Ew!) As one might say: "A rather sloppy nom... Did you forget to copyedit?" ;-) -- Ozzel 10:00, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *I'll take a look-and it has nothing to do with the copyediting I gave it. Links and ref syntax I generally let AWB deal with, since that's what it's for, so I didn't even look at those. TBH, I could really care less as long as the refs aren't broken. When I'm reading 250 KB of article, ref punctuation is never a high priority.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Took a stab at it and cleaned some things up. Let me know what you think. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:37, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Bah. Your priorities break my little Grammar Nazi heart. :-p Anyway, looks much better now. Good work. -- Ozzel 03:08, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ****I'll send you a bandage and a little stuffed Ewok to cheer you up. :-P Thanks for the catch, though-the double commas around the refs looked particularly awful and I picked up on a few other things. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:49, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) Would it be possible to get a roster of who was Wraith X at what time? For instance, initial roster, Iron Fist roster, whenever there's a major change. Right now if you want to know who Wraith Two or Wraith Eight or Wraith Ten was, you can't find that information in the article. Yrfeloran 05:43, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *I'll see what I can do . . . I'll need to work on it so it doesn't become a horrible list. Maybe something in the Members sections&mdash;that's what I did for Rakehell Squadron, but the Wraiths shift callsigns numerous times. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:50, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **A list has been added near the bottom of the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:00, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Information's there, so I'm happy. If people object to the format of that being ugly, I'm equally happy with callsign information being in pilot bios. Yrfeloran 20:09, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *** Detiled non-biased and I learnt quite a lot on it. I think it's quite detailed and deserves to be a featured article. Devan2 19:32, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Some preliminaries from Grae:
 * 25) * The intro is quite insufficient, for the level of detail in the article. I suggest quite a bit more on the actions of the Wraiths against Zsinj in the intro, unless you'd like to omit and summarize more of the information in the article, which would also be acceptable.
 * 26) **The intro has been lengthened. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ***Very good. Much less limp. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *Linking&hellip;needs some help. Could AWB be run over it?
 * 29) **We have top men on it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Not too keen on the quote in the prose in the first section.
 * 31) **It has been removed and the content reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Consistency with S and apostrophe would be very nice. We even have a CT about it currently.
 * 33) **Can you give me some specifics on words to look for? I know I'll go back through all the Antilles's, but are there others I should hunt down?
 * 34) ***All "Antilles's" have been changed to "Antilles'" Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:01, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) ****I'll cover this as I go back through on my long, tedious run. Like I said, these are preliminaries. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) *Some consistency between Night Caller and the Night Caller, and similar instances with ship names, would be helpful.
 * 37) **Hmm. Thought I got all of those-it should just be Night Caller-but per comments below, I went with how Allston described the ships. If he said "the Narra", that's what I used. Now, I am referring to the Night Caller charade as something entirely different, where (the) and (Night Caller) are serving as adjectives for charade, so that might be what you are referring to. Let me know.
 * 38) ***Have gone through and eliminated all instances of "the Night Caller". Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Is it now consistently only "shipname" instead of "the shipname" with all ship names throughout the article? Graestan ( Talk ) 04:04, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) *****For that particular ship, yes. Given the choice between article consistency and canon, I went with canon, so a few ships (Narra, Ugly Truth, etc.) as listed below are still "the shipname". If our Inqs say to stick with article consistency, I will adjust accordingly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:22, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) *After spending some time in this article, I can say with some confidence that I believe a good deal of the history section is too detailed. I really believe that a lot of that information belongs in the articles for the individual battles and missions, or, in the case of things like the pranks, in the articles for the characters themselves. Some of these sections are almost FA-length in themselves, and I just don't think it's appropriate for an article that's supposed to be about the squadron and not the missions.
 * 42) **The pranks have been trimmed up somewhat. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * I believe the Sources section is somewhat lacking. I remember, for instance, reading in at least one Essential Guide about the Wraiths and their activities. And there simply has to be more.
 * 44) **3 Essential Guides have been added to the list; there wasn't any new info and a check of NEGAS showed that while Voort saBinring was mentioned, Wraith Squadron wasn't. Good catch. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) **Thanks for the review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
 * The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
 * Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
 * The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
 * The images are, AFAIK, all that are available besides individual member portraits, which I didn't feel like including since everyone has a picture at the bottom. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
 * No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
 * It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Gantoris

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, at long last I have written another thing I feel worthy of FAN. My thanks to 4dot, Tommy and Jaymach for the sourcing.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 00:59, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I always thought he looked just like Ganondorf.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:25, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:21, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman ( Talk ) 03:07, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I think I was the one that did it, but that infobox image really needs work. There is also a quote in the body of the text that should be removed or moved to a header. Also you need to source the infobox. --Eyrezer 03:09, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Quote altered. I knew I'd forgotten something but just couldn't see it for some reason, and the infobox sourcing was it. Thanks! As for the image, I've asked for a litle assistance below, since my image skills are, shall we say, non-existant? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **The second last para of the bio lacks sourcing for its final statement. --Eyrezer 21:56, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Smeg. sourced. Also, thanks for the image enhancement.
 * 5) Some pointers, which I have mostly addressed myself
 * 6) * In my copy of Dark Apprentice, Exar Kun says "I want your anger, Gantoris.", rather than "I want your anger, Gantoris!". Misquote, wishful thinking, different source? I'm not sure.
 * 7) **Mistakenly wishful thinking - writing the quote how i thought it should be written. Altered.
 * 8) * Up till 100, write out numbers as words, such as three, for 3 corusca gems
 * 9) **Curses. Thanks for altering.
 * 10) * More linking, such as runyip, the battle of Dantooine where Daala attacks the colonists. Most things can be linked, I find.
 * 11) **Are there other things that are missing linkage?
 * 12) ***I don't think so. Good stuff. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Instead of hyphons, you want to use &mdash; I changed this for you
 * 14) **Err... Is this a set policy or just your personal preference?
 * 15) ***Well &"mdash"; and &"hellip";, I thought, were the proper wikia ways to do hyphons and ellipsis. I believe it's just the done thing, but feel free to go and check it out elsewhere. Harrar 09:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I recommend expansion on Gantoris' rivalry with Horn, esp. the lifting of the rock episode.
 * 17) **I've expanded this in the Bio, by extracting and expanding relevant parts from the P&t. I've ad too.
 * 18) * Mention Warton, who Gantoris appears to have known from birth. It's his death that really guts Gantoris. Also mention the futile lightsaber strike on the wall against Kun.
 * 19) **Aah. Good point. Warton and lightsaber futility added.
 * 20) * Legacy section? There seem plenty of after death details.
 * 21) ** I've separated the final section into a "Legacy" part and added a little, but there's not much I can add to it.
 * 22) *Good stuff, Xadún. Harrar 16:23, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:27, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) From Greyman:
 * 25) * Gantoris actually has a role, albeit very minor, in the story Firestorm. I see it listed in the "Appearances" section, but don't currently see any info on it in the article. If you need help with obtaining a copy of the story, let me know :) Greyman ( Talk ) 18:54, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **At long, long last, I have added refernce to this. Sorry it took so long, and much thanks for providing the source. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:34, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From the Preliminary Hearings of Chack Jadson:
 * 28) * The only part I read was the BTS, which I changed a little for you, but I suggest you change the source for the part about Exar's name never being spoken in the narration. JA narration works, just not Dark Apprentice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:02, 13 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ** I deemed this unnecessary as Kun only speaks to Gantoris in Dark Apprentice, but I've changed it as it works either way. Also, I've moved the specific details about Gantoris' lightsaber to the article. I thought describing it to be duel-phase was sufficient, but it made sense to have this added clarification in the article itself. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 10:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***This is trivial, but I don't see why you can't change the ref for this to narration. You specifically say he never mentions his name in the narration, then source it with a book.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ****I'm a little confused as to what you want here, I'm afriad.
 * 32) *****Okay. You say that in the narration, Kun never tells Gantoris his name. Unless I'm being thick, there's no reason to source this DA. You don't even need a source, actually.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:48, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ******The sourcing has been removed.
 * 34) * Context on Ta'ania in the body is desired.
 * 35) ** I've added what I can, although there's precious little to be said about her, which I think is a shame.
 * 36) * Could the third sentence in Legacy be merged with the second? Also, what is Kyp's redemption test?
 * 37) **Merged and added.
 * 38) *I did a copyedit for you too.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks.
 * 40) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 41) * "Many times during this fight he attacked out of anger, Skywalker regularly on the defensive to keep from antagonizing his student." Okay, I've fixed a lot of awkward verbage in this nom, but this really needs cleaned up. Reword and clarify please.
 * 42) **Broken down and altered.
 * 43) * " a trait possibly driven by his dreams of the "Dark Man" in a hope to defeat him." Kill this or reword it so it's not so speculative.
 * 44) ** His high ambition meant Gantoris always strove to improve his skills, as his life on Eol Sha had meant he had to rely mostly on his own abilities.
 * 45) ***That's fine; the "possibly driven" was what tripped me up. Thanks for rewording it. Atarumaster88 [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Combine some of the paras in the P&T please.
 * 47) ** Done.
 * 48) * Link to Force powers as needed; some were missing.
 * 49) *Added telekinesis link to Luke pulling Gantoris' lightsaber using the Force.
 * 50) * Probably not a good idea to list Exar Kun as his Sith Master-yes, Kun is a Sith, but Gantoris isn't, if you catch my drift.
 * 51) **I've removed "Sith", but I have left him under the list of Masters that taught Gantoris.
 * 52) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:57, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) **Like what you've done with this, DX. For future reference, I would have picked up on these a little sooner if you double indent the responses&mdash;I've fixed your replies so it doesn't look like they're objections. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) "Gantoris believed that Luke, in his black robes, might be the "Dark Man" who had plagued his dreams, and isolated him from the colonists. Listening to the people that brought him food, Skywalker concluded Gantoris must have been a decendant of Ta'ania." - I'm not quite sure what's going on here. You might need to clarify who's being kept isolated, who's bringing food et al, just to make that passage a bit clearer. "First, Gantoris lead him into a geyser tunnel to collect lichen to see if he could survive the eruption of the geyser." - This could be worded better, but I'm not quite sure how. Get back to me on that one if you need clarification. I think it would be good to mention the fact that he struck up a friendship with Streen in the bio. "No other works involving lightsabers reference these shimmering colors, with Gantoris' lightsaber itself referred to as purple, amethyst or purple-white in other works." - You need to cite these other works, at the moment you just have it sourced to Dark Apprentice. Thefourdotelipsis 03:46, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) *Clarified, altered, cited. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:48, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) Grass clippings:
 * 57) * "Born into the sole isolated settlement on the volcanic world of Eol Sha, Gantoris's affinity with the Force first became apparent when he survived an avalanche as a child." – Please rewrite, minding subject-verb agreement.
 * 58) **Strimmed.
 * 59) * Same deal – "His connection with the Force allowed him to predict earthquakes, eruptions, and avalanches, which he used to protect his fellow colonists on the unstable planet"
 * 60) **Mowed.
 * 61) * Corran Horn needs some introduction/context.
 * 62) **Planted.
 * 63) * "shadowy spectral ghost" is a bit redundant.
 * 64) **Clipped.
 * 65) * The way the Dark Man is set up to be Exar Kun is quite awkward. Please just come right out with it somewhere earlier in the article than you currently allude to him. Also, some limited background on Kun would be nice&mdash;feel free to use information from any source on him to do so, as long as you cite it. Don't feel limited to JAT.
 * 66) **Revealed in intro the Dark Man is Exar Kun, context added in the Bio.
 * 67) * "Upon witnessing his friend Warton being blasted by an AT-AT, Gantoris's calm broke." – Please rewrite, minding agreement.
 * 68) **Replanted.
 * 69) * Sourcing in the BtS is bizarre. Pick one: self-sourcing statements, or ref tags. As it stands, there's one unsourced statement and several of each of the ways to source.
 * 70) **Bts pruned to consist of self-sourcing statements.
 * 71) * Graestan ( Talk ) 23:44, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) **As ever, thanks for reviewing. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 12:20, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) Toprawa:
 * 74) *Not an objection since I've changed the instances myself, but articles should never, except as a last resort where things get confusing, be written by referring to people by their first names. "Luke" should always be "Skywalker," "Kyp" should always be "Durron," and so forth.
 * 75) **I'll bear that in mind.
 * 76) *Please also make sure you do a more concentrated job of making sure things are not linked twice through the article's body. Link once in the intro, and once on first mention in the body, and nowhere else, including the BTS. I've cleaned this up for you.
 * 77) **Ok.
 * 78) *You say here that he was searching for the offspring of this woman, but then in the next sentence, he believes her experience will be valuable? This certainly makes it seem as if she's still around. So who is he searching for? "he was searching for the offspring of Ta'ania to join his Jedi Praxeum."
 * 79) **Not so. Luke was searching for Ta'ania, unware she was no longer at the colony or kept herself hidden. Luke found Gantoris by coincidence when searching for Ta'ania.
 * 80) *If he's already moving things around telekinetically exactly as he should, I would say he's already a talented student. This is kind of redundantly backpedaling on what you already established: "Gantoris quickly became a talented student,"
 * 81) **My apologies, This was unclear. It was Luke who moved the structure, not Gantoris. Altered.
 * 82) *So...what happened? "Gantoris believed he was tricked, demanding the other student explain how he had made it appear that the rock had risen."
 * 83) *This transition makes it seem as if Skywalker just haphazardly accepted this offer to duel, when I'm guessing he was forced into it against his own accord. Please reword, transition better: "Gantoris then used his new lightsaber to challenge Skywalker to a duel. Many times during this fight"
 * 84) **Changed to "Gantoris then used his new lightsaber to challenge Skywalker to a duel, threatening to strike him down if he did not defend himself."
 * 85) *So what happened after the duel between Skywalker and Gantoris? Did Skywalker reprimand him, did he send him to his room without dinner? That paragraph needs some sort of resolution.
 * 86) **Added
 * 87) *Also, this duel between them really should have some sort of article. At the very least, please create a red link for it.
 * 88) **A link has been added.
 * 89) *I'm confused, is this happening present time, and he's getting a "live look-in," or did this already happen? Please clarify: "but the specter showed him the colonists he had led on Eol Sha as they were slaughtered"
 * 90) **The source is unspecific. Though the event and Gantoris' witnessing of it are together in the novel, it cannot be definitivly concluded that the massacre happened earlier or was happening at the same time. As such, I have left this unchanged.
 * 91) *You have some unnecessary double referencing of the same source at the end of the Legacy section. Please clear that up
 * 92) **Removed.
 * 93) *I'd like to see this sentence clarified and expounded on, please: "He was the most promising student, showing strength for the generating a protection bubble"
 * 94) **Expanded.
 * 95) *The way this BTS sentence reads does better to establish this than what you have in the Legacy section. Please beef up that section: "This makes his fall to the dark side haunt the Jedi trainees even more."
 * 96) *I've removed this sentence from the BTS due to its trivial nature, but something of the sort should at least be specified in the biography somewhere: "The spirit of Exar Kun never actually reveals his name to Gantoris in any part of the narration for the Jedi Academy Trilogy."
 * 97) **Why remove it? It says in the Bio Gantoris' Dark Man was Exar Kun and that Gantoris was unaware of his identity. This sentence clarified that from an OOU perspective.
 * 98) *You're missing small tid bits of information regarding his corpse from The Essential Guide to Characters, which must also then be added to the source list by correct OOU publication date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:06, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) *I also find a few issues after reading through the character's entry in the Star Wars Encyclopedia:
 * 100) **The SWE claims that Gantoris was "a possible descendant of the Jedi Ta'ania." Does any source actually definitively state him to be a descendant of her?
 * 101) ***No, it doesn't. Skywalker draws this conclusion, but it is never confirmed by Gantoris himself.
 * 102) **It also states that Kun "guided Gantoris in building his own lightsaber...." I feel this could be better stated as such in the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:18, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 103) ***I was being diplomatic. Some sources say Kun outright taught Gantoris to construct the lightsaber. The novel Dark Apprentice says that Gantoris simple "knew" how the pieces of his lightsaber would fit together. As such stating Kun guided Gantoris' judgement incorporates both these views.
 * 104) **Finally, "...but he soon learned [the Dark Man] was the spirit of Exar Kun." Unless I've missed it, the article leaves us only with the understanding that Gantoris is unaware that the Dark Man is in fact Kun. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:31, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) *I've covered most of your objections - I will address the remaining few when I'm not at work. and Thank's for the review. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:15, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Can someone please assist with an improved copy of the Infobox image, per Eyrezer's request? Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Culator took care of it. --Eyrezer 08:44, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

Shedao Shai

 * Nominated by: Harrar 00:03, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, it’s the 40th nomination, it’s another character, and it probably won’t pass for ages. But his article was a pitiful 264 words long, he’s important, and Stackpole gave a lot of info! So here goes&mdash;enjoy (hopefully). My next nom will break my character trend, I promise&hellip;

(4 Inqs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:30, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 17:21, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Glutton for punishment.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:59, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:17, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:22, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Character, sure, but Vong are underrepresented; spell-checked Enochf 18:23, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the embrace of Ackbar:
 * 2) *" in which he expunged himself of any taint, wrapped in the tendrils of the torture device for hours, watching over the relics of his ancestors as he contorted his limbs in agony" -- this reads more like a narrative. Perhaps reword it with less narrative-y terms.
 * 3) **It's been neutered. Have a look and see what you think
 * 4) * Could you try maybe cutting down some of "duel and death?" It seems a bit over-detailed/play-by-play.
 * 5) **Guilty as charged. I took out a lot of the fluff&mdash;peruse at your leisure
 * 6) **Other than that, good work, if a tiny bit over-detailed in places. Keep up the good work :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:51, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Thanks&mdash;I know it is a bit too detailed but Stackpole's plot and character development seemed to demand it. I'll trim back more next time. Harrar 12:18, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 9) * Is this Lian individual an intendant or a warrior? He's described as a bureaucrat, but he's also listed as a military leader. Please clarify.
 * 10) **A warrior, I was being unclear.
 * 11) * The mention of Thrawn is awkward at best. Please reword this.
 * 12) **It's relevant enough to be included, so I've changed the voice. See what you think, I'm happy to change it again if it's still off.
 * 13) ***The biggest issue was that "Chiss Imperial Grand Admiral" was far too long of a title, which you've fixed. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * You state that Shai ordered all those with knowledge of Bafforr pollen be killed, but earlier you stated that Lian already informed his superior that he had done so. Please clarify.
 * 15) **They were first isolated by Lian and interned, and Shai then orders them killed. Made this clearer
 * 16) * Also, "bafforr pollen" shouldn't be capitalized.
 * 17) **Not certain about this, especially since Acky already capitalized them all. What's the consensus?
 * 18) ***A check of Dark Tide II reveals that it is kept lower case in each instance. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****My bad; I was going by the capitalization in the bafforr article. Now fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:57, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * More details on why the capsule could only be opened by Horn, please.
 * 21) **A little addition on the blood sample that was needed. Have a gander
 * 22) * You might want to be a little more clearer that Shai left Horn a message on his villip, or whatever. It's not atm.
 * 23) **How about now?
 * 24) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:13, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks, and thanks for the review. Harrar 23:55, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) Toprawa:
 * 27) *The "Discovery and challenge" section is kind of humongous. Can you break it up at all into another section? Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:23, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **We now have a new section. The quotation is perhaps lacking, but it's the best I can find.
 * 29) *You need to specify in the first section that his grandfather did indeed die. "His sacrifice" doesn't do enough, I feel.
 * 30) *"His sacrifice, and eventual death" &mdash; does that work?
 * 31) *I'm confused, so his warrior subordinate's name is Domain Lah? I thought that was the group he was from? "The commander did not find his new subordinate agreeable, often berating and physically attacking Lian"
 * 32) **Should have clarified. His subordinate is Deign Lian, but I never made that clear. I added the name now.
 * 33) *You shouldn't be referring to things that haven't even chronologically taken place, assuming the reader knows what this is. Please remove this foreshadowing and rewrite: "This hidden partnership would ultimately play its part in Shai's downfall at Ithor; until then, however, the commander dominated Lian"
 * 34) **It was an attempt to avoid play-by-play, which I already suspect seems rife in the article. I excised it; I suppose we're telling the facts, not the story.
 * 35) *The second paragraph of the first section needs to be broken up into another paragraph. I'll let you decide where you want to make the cut, though I will recommend the sentence beginning "Aboard the Kor Chokk..." as the first sentence of the new paragraph. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:20, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **I rent it in two, where you suggested.
 * 37) *Finally, Top (and thanks again for the review), if you have any general concerns about my overall style, don't hesitate to let me know. For some reason, this article doesn't quite sit well with me, which is a shame. If there are any pointers, that be cool and just drop me a line on my talk page. Harrar 14:46, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * To me, the last sentence in the BtS doesn't really seem necessary. If you think otherwise, that's cool, but I think if you're going to have it, then there should be some substance to it. Just a suggestion, Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 00:34, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, you're right. I think I was trying to suggest that he was a large part of the series, but that's pretty obvious from his mentions and the article anyway. Harrar 09:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * "My next nom will break my character trend, I promise&hellip;" You're going to FA the Yuuzhan Vong War? Great idea Harrar! :p --Eyrezer 02:08, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Well I was thinking of the Battle of Dantooine first, but yeh, the Yuuzhan Vong War is the dream goal! Harrar 09:24, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

Seha Dorvald

 * Nominated by: Darthchristian 21:57, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: According to Fourdot, this is over a thousand words....it better be. =P

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 00:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:49, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Could use a little more cleanup, but Tommy's objections seem to cover it. A little patience and this will see the light of the Main Page yet.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 05:08, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * "father's death at the hands of a Yuuzhan Vong insect." - Did it really have hands? :P You need to explain what's happening with Jacen in the intro. At the moment it's just she's working for him, and suddenly she's confessing, like working for Jacen's a bad thing. Of course it is, but you need to tell us that. ;) And reading on...yeah, he's suddenly Caedus. The first paragraph of the "Second Galactic Civil War" section has formality issues..."pretty" "cute" "dark time," things like that...just needs to be tightened a bit. A chronological problem comes from the fact that you tell us that Dorvald was spying for Jacen a while after the fact. This has to be reshuffled. Just as a suggestion, formality wise, you might want to use her surname, rather than her given one. Thefourdotelipsis 15:18, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * All of those are fixed, and I changed her first name to her surname throughout, as per your suggestion. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 16:50, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Per Ataru, the formality, "cute" etc, needs to be culled. Thefourdotelipsis 11:33, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * It'd be good to mention her rescuing Katarn in the intro.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * 1st two sentences of Early life read rather awkwardly. Read it aloud and see if you can come up with a better way to write that.
 * 5) **Fixed, though I needed to change the prose of the paragraph to do do.
 * 6) * Sorry, you can't call someone a pretty young woman. That's POV, and if we don't allow it for Mara, Jaina, Padme, and Jarael, it won't fly here.
 * 7) **I thought I might be able to get away with that because that's how Ben saw her to be, but fixed.
 * 8) ***You could say that Dorvald was considered an attractive woman by Ben, but to explicitly say she was attractive is a no no. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Ben decided that Seha was cute and that he would have liked to stand and look at her for a couple of days. She apparently had mutual feelings, as evidenced by her nervousness around Ben during their conversation." This needs to be reworded and shortened; this type of information works much better in a P&T or relationships section than this. Per 4dot above.
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) ***Sorry, not yet. The tone is still too informal, and it could be worded much better than how it is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Better now?
 * 13) * The whole apprentice thing needs to be a lot clearer; she's said to be too old to become an apprentice, then lo and behold, she becomes an apprentice later.
 * 14) **I don't think she was an apprentice; I changed the wording to that she was a Jedi candidate, not an apprentice.
 * 15) * " and to leave the fight alive with everybody, regardless whether the mission was a success or failure." This could be clearer.
 * 16) **Its a bit clearer now.
 * 17) * You'll need an article for the mission/duel.
 * 18) **Forgot to add it. It's in there now.
 * 19) * "She was at first amazed by the skill the Jedi and Sith performed at" Reword this as well.
 * 20) **I'm having a hard time rewording this. Any suggestions?
 * 21) ***Perhaps you could state that "She was initially impressed by the skill of the combatants as they dueled", or something along those lines.
 * 22) ****Used the suggestion.
 * 23) * Explain the escape route more.
 * 24) **Fury isn't clear on that, though I did the best I could with that.
 * 25) ***At least tell me what type of hatch she blew through, where it was, and how she blew it up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ****No hatch type, but the latter 2 explained.
 * 27) *****Check your explanation. You seem to have missed a word in there and I'm not sure what it is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:07, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ******Fixed it even further, and I'm pretty sure the explanation is as good as its going to get. DC 03:00, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Did Seha lead them "through the undercity to safety"? It's not clear in the article.
 * 30) **She led them to a safehouse, which I forgot to mention in the article.
 * 31) ***The confusion was due to a missing pronoun, but your comment gave me enough information to add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ****So, is your objection fixed? Because there is nothing I can do to further improve that sentence. Darthchristian 03:00, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * Force push and Force pull are technically elements of telekinesis. Please adjust your P&A section appropriately.
 * 34) **Fixed.
 * 35) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:56, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **You too. Thank you for reviewing the article. Darthchristian 16:51, 25 June 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Intro - the word Candidate is capitalized here, but not later in the article. Can you check this and amend as necessary for consistency.
 * 3) **Mistake on my part. Decapitalized.
 * 4) * Why was Zekk Kyp's initial choice to accompany the infiltration team? A little context here is needed.
 * 5) **Context added.
 * 6) * Is there any information on how they were inserted onto Coruscant, or their initial reconnaissance of the target area? - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:02, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Honestly, no. In Fury, they're planning the mission, and then the Jedi are suddenly on Coruscant. I know its confusing, but since there's no info, I can't add anything on how they got to Coruscant without specualation. DC 03:00, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***I thought that was the case, but haven't read Fury in a while and wanted to be sure. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 07:49, 11 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * No quotes besides the opener?
 * 3) **Most of the stuff she says or other people say about her are very long explanations, so no.
 * 4) *Eliminate the overlinking please.
 * 5) **Done. If any remain, please notfiy me.
 * 6) ***Still exists. I'm not gonna tell you which ones either&mdash;fine-tooth the article and make sure you catch them all.
 * 7) *There are things in the article that have articles of their own, which you provide no links for. Example, Undercity.
 * 8) **I'm pretty sure they all do now.
 * 9) ***Still see instances of items that aren't linked & should be.
 * 10) * That being said, when new topics are introduced, a brief explanation is necessary (eg. Undercity).
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * "Early Life" section. You say, "However, before they learned the war was over, Dorvald's father was killed by a sting of a Yuuzhan Vong insect, and she became an orphan." Do we know what kind of insect this was?
 * 13) **Nope.
 * 14) * Again about explaining newly introduced topics. "For a while, Dorvald lived near the World Brain, whom she was frightened of and described as a horrible creature." What is the World Brain, besides a "horrible creature" in Seha's eyes?
 * 15) **Explained.
 * 16) ***Good job fixing that, but you use the term "creature" twice in the same sentence when referring to the World Brain. Please change to something else.
 * 17) * Again about linking to subjects. "Dorvald would meet the Jedi hero, Jacen Solo, when he took a journey into the undercity to meet the World Brain."
 * 18) **Whoops. Fixed.
 * 19) * Decide how you want to show the World Brain within the article. If you are going to capitalize it, then do so in every instance it is mentioned.
 * 20) **That was mistake on my part. Fixed.
 * 21) *Articles should never, except in unavoidable instances where things can get confusing, be written by referring to people by their first names. "Jacen" should always be "Solo," "Seha" should always be "Dorvald," and so forth.<
 * 22) **Jacen changed to Solo. I believe I mention Seha as Dorvald through the entire article, per Fourdot's suggestion.
 * 23) ***Still see instances of "Jacen".
 * 24) * What is the Amulet of Kalara?
 * 25) **Explained.
 * 26) *The Jedi Temple should be capitalized in every instance, whether using its full title, or just "Temple".
 * 27) **Done.
 * 28) ***Still see instances of lower case "Temple".
 * 29) * In the "Second Galactic Civil War" section, you have a link to the confrontation between Mara & Jacen, but it is wrong.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Same section. Who are the Galactic Alliance Guard?
 * 32) **Fixed.
 * 33) *Same section. You say, "When Jacen, who was now secretly Darth Caedus after he murdered Mara Jade Skywalker, ordered his troops to seize the Jedi Temple, she destroyed the computers so that Solo and the Galactic Alliance Guard wouldn't be to capture valuable information." This whole run-on needs to be at least reworded (possibly broken up), keeping in mind that this is an encyclopedia first, and should be devoid of contractions in articles.
 * 34) **In all honesty, I don't think there's anything wrong with the sentence. It's not a run-on, or anything of that sort.
 * 35) ***May not be a run on, but it seems like a word is missing between "the Galactic Alliance Guard wouldn't be to capture valuable information." Also, the contractions need to still be eliminated.
 * 36) * Same section. You say, "When Grand Master Luke Skywalker gave Kyp Durron the responsibility of...". Who is Kyp Durron in relation to Luke? Some brief context please, should only require a certain title...
 * 37) **Gave him Jedi Master title.
 * 38) *Same section. You say, "Dorvald was joined on the mission with Jedi Master Kyle Katarn, Valin Horn, Thann Mithric and Kolir Hu'lya." Are they all Jedi Masters?
 * 39) **Nope. Fixed.
 * 40) ***Then if they aren't all Masters, I would say, ''"Master Katarn, and Knights such & such&hellip;
 * 41) *Same section. You say, "Katarn tasked her to place a tracking device onto Caedus when things were at their most chaotic, and to leave the fight after she placed the tracking device on Caedus, regardless of the outcome of the other Jedi's duel with Caedus." Please reword so that you aren't constantly repeating your phrases.
 * 42) **Fixed.
 * 43) ***You still say "placed the tracking device on Caedus" twice.
 * 44) * Same section. You say, "Dorvald was forced to watch the four Jedi confront Caedus in a duel." You go on to say, "Waiting patiently,..." If she was patiently waiting, Don't think she was forced if she was waiting patiently. Please reword.
 * 45) **Fixed.
 * 46) ***Now, again, you talk about the duel with Caedus, but you provide no link to that specific article.
 * 47) * Same section, next paragraph. You say, "Intimidated by the task she was given, Dorvald was forced to watch the four Jedi confront Caedus in a duel. Waiting patiently, she lifted the tracking device into the air towards the fight, waiting for the moment when the fight was at its most chaotic." Please reword the second sentence shown here, because you've already used that terminology.
 * 48) **Before, I had taken out chaotic.
 * 49) * Same section. You say, "While she did this, Caedus was able to kill Thann Mithric by decapitating him, finishing the duel." Decapitation is a specific move when used in a lightsaber duel. Please link to the appropriate article.
 * 50) **Done.
 * 51) * Second sentence in Powers & abilities needs to be reworded.
 * 52) **Reworded.
 * 53) ***You have an instance in the P&A section where the character is referred to by her first name.
 * 54) *A long way from home, this article is. Much more work to be done, before it can ever grace the front page. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:31, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) **Thanks for the review. DC 18:04, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * This is probably going to be the last time I edit or fix objections on the Wook for a few days because I'm in a desperate need to think over some things. I already posted a wookieevacation template on my userpage. DC 03:00, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Many of these things I would normally fix myself, but I believe you would benefit more by doing it yourself. Keep in mind, however, that if —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:31, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Natasi Daala

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:05, 15 June 2008 (UTC),
 * Nomination comments: "I am doing all I can to preserve the Empire."--Ysanne Isard

(0 Inqs/4 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) After all, I did work on it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:54, 15 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I still think this article needs more work, but Ataru seems to have covered the rest. DC 03:19, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The First Wave of Objections from Darthchristian
 * 2) * Before I state my objections, let me extend some thanks to you. You've done a great job on the article, Mitth'raw'nuruodo, expanding and fixing numerous problems with the article but there are still some things to expand and fix.
 * 3) * First off, the first sentence in the the intro is a horrible way to start it off. State where she's from, that she's a human female, then give the fluff of the article. Change it to, "Natasi Daala, a Human female from the Renatasia system, was an Imperial admiral, and later in her life, the Galactic Alliance Chief of State. The only female to ever reach the rank of admiral in the Imperial Navy, she enlisted in the Imperial Navy on Carida, but was discriminated against due to her sex." Continue from that, and fix up the sentence if you feel you need to.
 * 4) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * You give no mention of her son and grandson in the intro as well, which is vital information.
 * 6) **Added that she had a son.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * In the second sentence of the third paragraph in the intro, make a link for command, linking to Supreme Commander.
 * 8) **Did so.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Make swearing in the intro past tense.
 * 10) **I believe in that context it is past tense.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * There's a source? tag in the first sentence of the bio.
 * 12) **Removed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:51, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * In the first sentence of the second section, state, "Due to her talents,".
 * 14) **Good idea.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Expand on her appearance in Death Star. She's given a lot of information in that book, and she has only a few sentences about it in her article. Trust me, you can get of alot of information about her in that book.
 * 16) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Link to 11 ABY and to Han, Chewie, and Kyp.
 * 18) **How'd we miss that? Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * You give no mention that she was going to keep Han and Chewie prisoners, and that she was going to execite Kyp.
 * 20) **Do now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:56, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Oh, please, please expand the Return to the Maw section. You give a paragraph for the last book of the Jedi Academy Series, which is just pathetic. She's one of the main antagonists in that book.
 * 22) **Done. Keep in mind her part in the last part of the trilogy was slim at best.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 02:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***I'm going to look into that book later. For now, I'm not striking the objection. Darthchristian 03:05, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:22, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****I reread it, and you're right, though I could've sworn there was more to Daala in that book. Darthchristian 15:35, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * Expand LOTF greatly, and merge the last two sections in "Second Galactic Civil War," and start it off with, "Daala eventually returned from hiding at the request of her former, Pellaeon...."
 * 27) **I haven't read the Legacy of the Force series yet, but as far as merging and such goes, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:53, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Expanded.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Also, you're not supposed to vote for the article you nommed anymore, so I guess strike that vote. These objections may be harsh, but this article really is not even close to FA quality at this point. Daala has a lot of potential, so I really want to see her article completely fleshed out. Fix those objections, and I'll come back for more. Darthchristian 00:26, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) The Praetorite objections
 * 31) * Maybe change the second "female" in the first sentence of the intro to "woman" to avoid the repetition?
 * 32) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) *My main problem with this article is that there seems to be a lack of over-arching continuity in it:
 * 34) ** Commander Kratas should be mentioned early on, way before his death.
 * 35) ***He is now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ** All the information given in Revelation needs to be incorporated into earlier areas of the article as it essentially explains what goes on post Scylla-battle.
 * 37) ***She tells Pellaeon to contact her via the Darakaer message when she vanishes
 * 38) ***She remains in contact with Boba Fett, and calls upon him at Fondor.
 * 39) ***She gets back together with Liegeus, who's killed, she loses an eye and vows revenge against the Moffs
 * 40) ***At some point after the Battle of Bastion she gains control of the Chimaera
 * 41) ***She does planets favours during the Yuuzhan Vong War (her own words), accrues a fleet and mounts some of the ships with Metal-Crystal Phase Shifters&mdash;tech taken from the Maw when she memory dumps all its information.
 * 42) **There is also a large lack of context about the Yuuzhan Vong War and the Second Galactic Civil War.
 * 43) **I'm aware my objections are perhaps a little vague and require you to sift through Revelation, but as Darthchristian said this has a long way to go, and I'm not trying to be difficult. Basically, at the moment the sectioning is basically by appearance, with information chunked together as it has been received&mdash;probably because she's sat dormant for so long. Major respects for getting her off the shelf. Harrar 12:41, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Expanded. Please give more critique if you feel it's needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *** It's a good expansion, but I feel that the article is lacking a section between Later life and Second Galactic Civil War, or just an extension of the Later life section, in which you order the above information chronologically. I.e. Keeping in touch with Boba Fett, the Darakaer code, the Maw Irregular, her actions during the Yuuzhan Vong War. This would give the article better internal continuity in my opinion. What do you think? Harrar 18:47, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Well, my first inclination would be to disagree, since we have no idea (or at least to my knowledge) of when these things specifically happened (with exception to her role during the Yuuzhan Vong War), such as her giving the Darakaer code to Pellaeon, nor are there any specific details on these things (such as her forming the Maw Irregualr fleet). Once again, I have not read the LotF series, but I'm sure that there are no particulars (at least in dates) to these things, so that it would be impossible for us to say within the article when these things happened. So, at least in this case, over-arching continuity seems to be unlikely, or at least very difficult, to be established.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:20, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****It'd be tough because we really don't have any dates, and I tried to add context in the expansion to make it flow. I'll tinker with it and try your suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******Harrar: I made that change, and I personally think it's good. Keeps the flow going. Good suggestion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 10:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) *******That's brilliant&mdash;exactly what it needed in my opinion. Nicely done. I'll wholeheartedly strike Harrar 15:12, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) ***I am afraid I personally can do little to address your LOTF related objections, as I have not read the series, but I hope that one of my fellow project members can do so.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:08, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ****Having written a few FAs and being a member of this project, I can add this info.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:41, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) BtS could do with some work. Add info about her characterization/development, what sort of role she played, how her promotion in Invincible was controversial, etc. Also, some of the BtS is inaccurate: "aside from a brief mention which stated she was believed to be dead in the New Essential Chronology, disappeared from canon for 10 years." Aside from implying that it's now post-2011, it's wrong; she was mentioned many times in NJO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:59, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *Done, with the exception of the Invincible promotion thing.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:23, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) **When I added that tidbit, I put 10 years because the last published work she appeared in before LOTF was PoT, hence the 10 years. And by not appearing, I meant not physically apearing. I didn't count mentions.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:37, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ***On a related note, she actually appeared in Death Star before Revelation. Thefourdotelipsis 09:31, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ****The related change shall be made to the BTS.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:08, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 16:41, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) Can you describe the events that occured at the end of Champions of the Force, that her crew still had confidence in Daala, the losses she had obtained, etc.? It shouldn't be much to write, its just the status of Daala and the Gorgon after the battle.
 * 59) *Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 19:09, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) *Most of what I was going to address was picked up by other users, so that's all I have for now. Expect to see a list of grammatic issues later this week, as that's the last thing I believe this article needs before becoming a FA. Once all of my objections that are unaddressed are fixed, and the other users' objections have been have fixed, then you might find this article to be a lot more improved. Darthchristian 15:51, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) Well, I'm not sure but where is Daala mentioned at the Battle of Shedu Maad? I've finished Invincible today but I can't remember any mention of her name. Janeway 11:24, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Oh, what about her appearence in The Princess Leia Diaries? Shouldn't that be added? Janeway 11:27, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) *It doesn't say she was in the battle, it just says that afterwards she was made Chief of State.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:09, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) *Daala and the Maw Irregular Fleet later took part in such crucial final battles of the war as the Battle of Roche and the Battle of Shedu Maad. I think that tells its own tale, doesn't it? Janeway 18:12, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **It was linked twice, hence the confusion. I didn't find any mention of her in the battle's article, so I removed the mention altogether. I hope that helps.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) **As to your other (what I am assuming is) objection, I cannot find any mention of Daala anywhere in relation to Leia's youth nor could I find how she could even fit in with the plot. I'll continue my search (I have not read the comic), although I urge you to keep an open mind, since she may not have a part in it at all, though who knows?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:31, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***If you can't find any mention, there won't be any important stuff. Besides it's a great article. Janeway 12:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Thank you.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 13:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *"Daala had no real strategy, and intended only to cause as much damage as possible with her" That's contradictory; her strategy was to inflict maximum damage. Reword. (intro)
 * 3) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Somewhere, her flagship deserves a mention in the intro.
 * 5) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Rather poor linking to battle articles in the intro.
 * 7) *"although the details of the affair are muddy. Presumably, following the end of the relationship" Remove this. It's speculative, and should be reworded somehow to allow for flow without making assumptions.
 * 8) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *"Tarkin contacted her via holocam" Is that supposed to be holocomm?
 * 10) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *No context given on Undauntable.
 * 12) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *3rd para of Command of Maw needs some help. A quick glance shows a rather short syntax and present tense.
 * 14) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *In the 4th para, clarify whether Fortressa was a freighter or battleship.
 * 16) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) *Rather unimpressive prose in those next two paragraphs. Particularly, combine the injury treatment and battle paragraphs from Death Star and try and make those sentences less choppy.
 * 18) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *There needs to be a new section between the Death Star and Jedi Search segments.
 * 20) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *A mention of Divini's use of Daala's name as a guise during the escape of the Death Star would be good.
 * 22) *More background on Daala's decision to attack Mon Calamari desired.
 * 23) *Expand and clean up the Battle of Mon Calamari paragraph. It doesn't read well and it's lacking in detail.
 * 24) *"Decimating" means to reduce by a tenth. Since we can't know specific fractions in most cases, please refrain from using this word whenever possible.
 * 25) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *"Daala realized it was just a distraction, and that Durron had already ignited the stars in the nebula with the Sun Crusher, and ordered all ships to immediately jump into hyperspace." Run-on; clear it up somehow please.
 * 27) *More context on prototype Death Star.
 * 28) *Kill the quote in prose in final Maw Installation battle.
 * 29) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *Check your "the"s in reference to ship names. Is it Basilisk or "the Basilisk"? Etc.
 * 31) *More detail on the conference needed (with warlords).
 * 32) *More detail on the sizable strike she ordered and on the buildup that preceded it.
 * 33) *I believe some of her vessels struck Khomm in retaliation for the Jedi infiltration. This should be mentioned.
 * 34) *Context on Galactic Voyager
 * 35) *Link to Battle of Yavin IV with Daala and Cronus.
 * 36) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *The correct term is "gas giant". Please correct this throughout the article.
 * 38) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) *Link to battle over Nam Chorios.
 * 40) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) *More detail on her battle against Bel Iblis, specifically the CC-7700 bit.
 * 42) *"with a variety of deadly starship weapons designed by the Maw scientists themselves. During the devastating Yuuzhan Vong War, in which extra-galactic aliens waged war on the galaxy," Some POVishness here.
 * 43) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) *"Her fleet, the, jumped out of hyperspace, surprising Caedus." What is missing here?
 * 45) **I dunno. But fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) *I dislike your frequent use of "this qualifier". Remove as many of these as possible from the prose. Quotes use the quote template; otherwise, they should be removed. Indicating facetiousness with quotation marks should be used as a last resort in formal writing. (Unless Gonk, Grae, Tope, or someone else more knowledgeable in English grammar can point me to a source saying otherwise).
 * 47) *Her willingness to flaunt regulations should be listed in P&T.
 * 48) *She could use a relationships section, as there is no equivalent mention in P&T.
 * 49) *"She always had a tendency to disappear enigmatically from continuity, only to reappear at an unexpected time." This sentence in BtS will need to be sourced, or else it is original research.
 * 50) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) *"All of Daala's Star Destroyers (Basilisk, Gorgon, Hydra, and Manticore) are named after mythical beasts,[4] perhaps implying that they are sister ships of the famous Chimaera.[15]" I don't see how this is pertinent to Daala herself. To the Maw fleet, certainly. Moreover, it appears to be speculation anyway and must die.
 * 52) **Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:38, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *How that infobox picture was chosen is beyond me, but there's no way that is the highest quality image of Daala available.
 * 54) *More detail on her encounter with Callista and the Battle of Yavin would be good.
 * 55) *I would personally combine Return to Maw and Private war.
 * 56) *You have a spelling error, I believe, in Daala's resignation quote. If it's not a typo, it needs to have a [sic] in it.
 * 57) *Check your sources to make sure they are ordered chronologically.
 * 58) *She's given an appearance in The Princess Leia Diaries. Information from this will need to be included if it is not a "Mentioned Only". Ditto with Rebellion.
 * 59) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm no Daala expert -- I haven't read any KJA novels -- but I would have expected this article to be way longer than the 42 KB -- the same length as Sagoro Autem and Jareal, two far more minor character FAs. Ysanne Isard, a similar sort of character (I think) who probably does a fair bit less than Daala, is 92 KBs. That's what I would expect Daala's article to look like, and it doesn't look like FA-class detail at the minute. But as I said, I'm no expert. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:54, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Ysanne Isard is much bigger and is featured in many novels and comics, where as Daala is only in a couple and for the most part conducts military campaigns, not political insurrections, assassinations, etc. It isn't a very good idea to compare Daala to Isard.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:12, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Okay, perhaps that was a bad comparison -- I did say I wasn't too familiar with Daala. I figured since Daala played a character-who-has-stuff-done-but-doesn't-do-much-herself who features in eight novels, and Isard is a similar type of character who features in 5 novels, a short story, and a comic arc, they might be similar. But even if my comparison is wrong, you cannot tell me that Daala's article should be only a tad longer than Czulkang Lah's and Morag's, and a fair bit less than Zuckuss's and Evir Derricote's. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I will admit that it may be lacking in some areas (Death Star and LotF series), but we have project members (I hope) working on these aspects of Daala's article, as this point has already been brought up. But that doesn't mean that the whole article is undetailed. But this is simply because I have not read material covering these parts, and I trust that it will be taken care of by the rest of Project Ambition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 17:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Serious shame in using that awful NEC one for main image and not using "Daala, you are such a pain!" Then again, it works if we want everyone to hate this character. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:41, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Laigrek

 * Nominated by: User:Devan2 19:42, 17 June 2008
 * Nomination comments: It's detailed and long considering it's on a creature with very little information.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nomination adopted by Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 06:16, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Fairly clean, if mostly the same as last time. That BtS note is welcome new stuff, though.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:59, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Only due to Goodwood's work on the nom, and not the way it was originally nominated. Nice BtS addition, Goodwood.  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:48, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Please read the requirements at the top of the page&mdash;it's less than 1000 words. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:46, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Stuff:
 * 3) * I think "Laigreks" looks better than "The Laigrek" for the opener.
 * 4) **Addressed.
 * 5) * "Native to the remote Outer Rim planet of Dantooine, the laigrek was insectoid in appearance, with a layered exoskeleton and six scythe-shaped legs that were similar to those of an acklay.[2]" The first part of this is improperly sourced, and I would remove the Acklay comparison, since I can see a fair difference and acklay aren't all that well known (I think).
 * 6) **Removed the reference.
 * 7) * "They were approximately one meter in height when standing on their four hind legs" -- are heights given in Kotor? If it's inferred or something please footnote appropriately.
 * 8) **Removed height speculation, but added a further description.
 * 9) * "with the back of their layered armor colored in a shiny black with their bellies a fiery red" -- the two "with"s in a row need rewording.
 * 10) **Reworded
 * 11) * "Though native to Dantooine, the laigrek could not be found in the caves within the grassy areas that surrounded the Jedi Enclave—which would host the Khoonda outpost in the wake of the Jedi Civil War—at the time of Revan's retraining there as an amnesiac, though kinraths were plentiful.[3]" Is this necessary? I'm sure we could list a few more places they weren't present at.
 * 12) **Added that they weren't in the Rakatan ruins either.
 * 13) ***That's not really what I meant; I think it should be removed, because where they weren't isn't important/relevant.
 * 14) * Per whatever the last CT was called, cut content is supposed to go in the BtS.
 * 15) **Cut content moved and tweaked.
 * 16) * "In order to regulate the trade in artifacts, which Khoonda, run by Administrator Terena Adare, taxed for income, special permission was needed to access the sublevel." Is this relevant?
 * 17) **Added a bit to make it more relevant; the dangers posed by laigrek swarms made it necessary for Khoonda to regulate who went in.
 * 18) * "When a group of salvagers teamed up in order access areas that had not yet been plundered, they were met by a swarm of laigreks; though most got away, one was left in the sublevel, where he managed to find an empty room and lock himself within it, safe from the laigreks. The man, Jorran, was later found by the Jedi Exile during her hunt for Jedi Master Vrook. In the process, she'd killed all of the laigreks in the sublevel, thus freeing him.[1]" The first part reads more like the salvagers' bio, rather than something primarily about the laigrek. Also, did she kill all of the laigreks?
 * 19) **Tweaked the entire passage; it should be less focused on Jorran. Also, the player must kill all laigreks in order to save Jorran.
 * 20) * I am no expert, but would "Their preferred method of attack was to utilize their forelegs as large claws, slashing at their victims repeatedly, as well as biting with their sharp mouths" be game mechanics? Again, please correct me if I'm wrong.
 * 21) **Not really, because that's how they're animated/depicted when attacking the players.
 * 22) ***Right, but it's akin to saying "The Jedi Exile's fighting style involved lots of jabs to the opponent's stomach" because that's what happens in game, which I doubt would go down too well. I'll leave this for others to chime in on, though.
 * 23) * A lot of the second paragraph in the BtS seems unnecessary/speculation.
 * 24) **Eliminated.
 * 25) *I'm not sure there's enough material here for FA without fluff, and it may well be less than 1000 words after the review process. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:18, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **Possibly, but hopefully it'll still pass.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 11:45, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 28) * "They were quite large for insects, their height while standing on their hind legs approximately double their size when moving on all six limbs." Reword this; we've seen much larger insects; additionally the two clauses don't go well together.
 * 29) **Reworded the sentence, referencing their size with in-game viewing, if that makes sense.
 * 30) * You'll need that lightside completion template for the Jorran part.
 * 31) **Added.
 * 32) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:44, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **Thanks, will do.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:56, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 35) * Laigreks were not seen around Dantooine's Jedi Enclave prior to 3,956 BBY, and only glimpsed five years after the Enclave had been bombarded by forces of the Sith Empire under Darth Malak during the height of the Jedi Civil War. suggested that they were not common to the area. The final part looks like its left over from a previous revision, or missing some words and/or punctuation. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:22, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **Thanks for catching that one, mate. Fixed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:29, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) Toprawa:
 * 38) * Is this your own speculation, or is this explicitly alluded to in the game? "This suggested that these creatures were not common to the area."
 * 39) ** Alluded to in the game&mdash;you only see laigreks within the sublevel and nowhere else.
 * 40) ***Reworded.
 * 41) * The sublevels of what? The Enclave? The outpost? Please clarify: "They never ventured out of the sub-level, however, and left the ruined upper floors and surrounding territory open to other creatures, such as the kinrath."
 * 42) **Clarified
 * 43) * This doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. So they had doglegs, then? I'm the same size whether or not I'm lying down or standing up. This needs to be clarified in terms of how their legs bended, please: "Laigreks' height while standing on their hind legs was approximately double their size when moving on all six limbs"
 * 44) ** It's quite simple; their height while crawling was about half that when they reared up to attack with their forelegs.
 * 45) ***Reworded.
 * 46) * What, exactly, is the size of most Humans? This kind of smells like OR. You need to source the "average size of Humans" to something: "making them approximately half the size of most Humans"
 * 47) **That fact is already sourced with an in-game comparison with the Exile and her party members; since no height is given for any party characters, and they're not exactly variant in their size, it's taken to mean "average". I could take a screenshot with a laigrek next to a human if you'd like.
 * 48) ***Reworded
 * 49) * You just said previously that they had what appeared to be compound eyes, but then they really do have eyes on the top of their head? Clarify, please: "in which were embedded smaller, blood red eyes"
 * 50) **Clarified.
 * 51) * It's OR to call it chitin if the game doesn't explicitly call it this, and especially if they are only "insectoid in appearance": "The back of their layered armor was composed of shiny black chitin"
 * 52) **Fine, fixed.
 * 53) * As would be this: "Two small black cerci jutted from the top of a laigrek's back end"
 * 54) **Also fixed.
 * 55) * What exactly is an animal-like mouth? There are many kinds of animals with many types of mouths: "and had an animal-like mouth"
 * 56) **Reworded.
 * 57) * This is kind of POVish: "There was a much more dangerous subspecies of the laigrek as well."
 * 58) **Reworded, however it should be pointed out that this subspecies is designated in-game as "deadly laigrek".
 * 59) ***Your wording for dangerous was still POV. I've changed it to "lethal." Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:05, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * This is pretty contradictory of what you just stated, that they were usually found in swarms: "laigreks were only found in great numbers within the bombed-out ruins..."
 * 61) **Not really. They roam the Enclave in small swarms, but they could only be found in significant numbers within the Enclave. That's two separate concepts.
 * 62) * Context needed for this Team, please: "According to content discovered by Team Gizka"
 * 63) **Added.
 * 64) * I really don't understand what this is saying. This Padawan is being sent as opposed to whom? "it was to have been the Jedi Padawan Kaevee, accidentally abandoned during the Jedi Order's evacuation from Dantooine, who had sent for the insectoids." Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:23, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **Reworded.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:53, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * This new change isn't working. You say here that "Laigreks were a species of predatory insects," but the bio immediately states that they are "insect-like" in appearance. They either are or aren't insects. Please figure out which for factual consistency.
 * 67) **Addressed.
 * 68) * "Typical" laigreks possessed this, thus implying that there were other variants that did not? Please expand on this alluded-to concept: "Typical laigreks possessed two thorn-like antennae extending from the crown of their heads" Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:05, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) **Addressed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:58, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) *You now have an unsourced paragraph.
 * 71) **Addressed.
 * 72) *Since no source ever calls the laigrek an "insect," this is OR. Please remove/reword this description throughout. Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:49, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) **Administrator Terena Adare, along with other NPCs, specifically refer to them as insects.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:52, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) Grass clippings:
 * 75) * Not so sure the term "insectoid" applies to non-sentient life-forms. Is there a verbatim licensed source that establishes them as such?
 * 76) **Addressed.
 * 77) ***Choosing not to further press my point on "insects."
 * 78) *Mottling? Aren't their undersides simply red?
 * 79) **Addressed.
 * 80) ***"a fiery red and white spattered over their bellies" isn't going to do, either; the coloration really is uniform and smooth. Mottling = spattering, in my book.
 * 81) ****Addressed.
 * 82) *"Their heads also sported a pair of horn-like protrusions, with beak-like, spiked mouths." – This is worded in a way that it sounds as if each of the protrusions had a mouth. Also, upon closer inspection, their rather standard insect palps-and-mandibles mouths don't appear spiked or beak-like at all. This is going from the game images&mdash;the illustration gives them a set of tricuspid mouthparts. Later in the article, you say that they don't have mandibles, when in the game images it is rather clear they do. Also: "this was atypical of most other species of insectoids" – This statement is entirely OR, as far as I can tell.
 * 83) **Addressed.
 * 84) ***If you're going to go with "tricuspid mouthparts," you'll have to source the guide rather than KotOR II, which gives them the mandibles-and-palps look. Graestan ( Talk ) 22:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ****Addressed.
 * 86) * "Laigreks were not seen around Dantooine's Jedi Enclave prior to 3,956 BBY, and only glimpsed five years after the Enclave had been bombarded by forces of the Sith Empire under Darth Malak during the height of the Jedi Civil War. This suggested that these creatures were not common to the area, however they were not unheard of." – This all sounds very speculative. Is it anywhere stated explicitly?
 * 87) **Addressed.
 * 88) *"They never ventured out of the Enclave's sublevel" – Again, is this made explicit?
 * 89) **Yes. They're never seen anywhere else.
 * 90) ***If it's not in the dialogue, or in text anywhere, that statement is not canon. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Graestan ( Talk ) 22:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) ****After another playthrough, the article has been amended to reflect that they did venture out of the sublevels and were native to the underground of the hilly regions.
 * 92) * "A laigrek's height while standing on their hind legs was approximately double their size when moving on all six limbs, making them approximately half the size of most Humans." – Height and size appear to be used interchangeably here, and I don't think that's appropriate. Laigreks certainly wouldn't mass that much less than humans.
 * 93) **Addressed.
 * 94) * We need to decide whether it's multifaceted eyes or multiple eyes (intro/biology).
 * 95) **Addressed.
 * 96) * I really think there ought to be a link to an article on the "deadly laigrek," as its capabilities certainly imply considerable difference in biology. Even a redlink would do.
 * 97) **Addressed.
 * 98) * "They were usually found in small swarms, and only rarely encountered in solitary numbers" – This is also somewhat speculative wording.
 * 99) **Addressed.
 * 100) * There's no indication that their noises are communication.
 * 101) **Addressed.
 * 102) *"Though native to the subterranean areas of Dantooine, laigreks were only found in great numbers within the bombed-out ruins of the Jedi Enclave—the area that would later host the Khoonda outpost in the wake of the Jedi Civil War." – This statement is inaccurate&mdash;Khoonda was a separate structure, based in the former Matale estate. Also, "only" is speculative.
 * 103) **Addressed.
 * 104) ***"Only" is still there, and it's still speculative. Graestan ( Talk ) 22:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) ****Addressed.
 * 106) *"more and more flooded into Khoonda in order to loot the place of valuables" – Again, this makes it sounds as though Khoonda is the same location.
 * 107) **Addressed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:06, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 108) ***The wording is still somewhat inconclusive as to the structures' identities. Graestan ( Talk ) 22:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) ****Addressed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:52, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:23, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) *Pasta bowl:
 * 112) **At least one year is mentioned in the introduction text and another is piped. These dates are not mentioned anywhere else in the article and I do not see a source or appearance listed that could provide these dates either.
 * 113) ***Addressed.
 * 114) **I added mention of nonsentience to the introduction. Feel free to move it as necessary.
 * 115) ***No problem.
 * 116) **"When they spotted trespassers within their territory, laigreks responded quickly and swarmed their prey, often with overwhelming numbers." The last clause seems speculative, especially since two sentences later it states that they were in small groups. Can this be clarified?
 * 117) ***Addressed.
 * 118) **"Though native to the subterranean areas of the hilly regions of Dantooine, laigreks were found in great numbers within the bombed-out ruins of the Jedi Enclave—near the area that would later host the Khoonda outpost in the wake of the Jedi Civil War. However, their sudden swarming only within the sublevel of the Enclave&mdash;which had been subjected to an orbital bombardment by Sith forces under Darth Malak&mdash;proved to be a serious threat to those attempting to salvage Jedi artifacts from within the ruins." I know, its nitpicky, but&hellip; (1) Something seems out of order. The bombing of the enclave should probably be mentioned first. The current order implies that Khoonda was something far into the future. (2) The "only" in the second sentence is speculative, so it was removed.
 * 119) ***Thanks. The paragraph has been rewritten.
 * 120) **"However, because of the laigreks, to dare to journey into the sublevel was extremely dangerous." Please reword. This is awkward and does not quite seem grammatically correct. Something is missing; I can't put my finger on it.
 * 121) ***Addressed.
 * 122) **Due to the clause, I made some additional changes to the text. If there are any qualms, let me know. If I think something more needs to be addressed with anything, I'll post it here.
 * 123) ***Thanks.
 * 124) **I must also mention, nice work on the BtS. It was nice to read a well-written one.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:22, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) ***Thank you, sir.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:52, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Yes, I know I'm supposed to be on vacation. But the needs of the many (WP:KOTOR) come before the needs of the few or of the one. Current length is 1,090 words.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 06:16, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I've struck my "vote to remove" simply because Goodwood has a) done the work necessary to make this article an FAN, and b) he's not trying to mooch off of other's work by simply nominating an article without doing any work on it, unlike what happened. I'll try and give it a review sometime soon, Wood. Greyman ( Talk ) 03:43, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I too will give it a better look in the days to come. To be frank, from a cursory reading, I think this article is going to need much work. I will refrain from voting to remove the nomination until after I've had a better look, however. A warning: I, too, don't want to see fluff just so it stays over 1,000 words. I am not out to kill it or to make it fall below that point, but if it falls below that level, so be it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:46, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Inquisitorius vote to remove nomination
 * 1)  -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:46, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Take this to the GAN, my young apprentice.  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:12, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  It already is a GA, written by Eyrezer, and I don't think much more info can be gleaned from the sources/appearances. Plus, the nominator on this page has done no work on it at all.  Greyman ( Talk ) 14:51, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Since when do we reward non-Inq laziness on the FAN page?   Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:33, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Garven Dreis

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 07:23, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just hold them off for a few...weeks.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) It's away! -- Ozzel 23:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:01, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Some inconsistency between "torpedos" and "torpedoes". I checked in IRC, but consensus for American English seems to be "torpedoes". I could be wrong.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Uh, Empire at War info? Rule 11.
 * 5) **No, he just appears with Red Squadron in either the context of Yavin, or in instant action modes, etc. Thefourdotelipsis 23:50, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Also, no Marvel references? Rule 11.
 * 7) **It's an adaptation. He just does the same stuff as in the film. The part he doesn't do is in the film is in the novel, as per the BTS.
 * 8) * No Empire references? Rule 11.
 * 9) **It doesn't present anything new. So, no.
 * 10) Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:52, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *You too. Thefourdotelipsis 23:50, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kendal Ozzel

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:50, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm taking an awful risk here, Vader... This had better work.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:07, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 16:40, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn:
 * 2) *Intro:
 * 3) ** "..wealthy family owning land..." should be "wealthy landowning family."
 * 4) ** Change the last part of the first paragraph to: "Ironically, Ozzel did not achieve his goal of high rank due to his loyalty or skills, but his disloyalty, as the Emperor's Hand Mara Jade advised Darth Vader to keep him under close supervision."
 * 5) ** Ozzel was not the Admiral of Death Sqaudron, no such title exists. Say he was the ranking officer of Death Squadron.
 * 6) ** add "his senior subordinate, Captain Firmus Piett".
 * 7) * Infobox:
 * 8) ** I feel that Ozzel is over associated. Rather than have Imperial Navy and Death Squadron, just have Death Squadron, since that was the facet of the Navy he was in.
 * 9) ***No, that's correct as is. We list all tiers of a faction, if known. Thefourdotelipsis 13:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Oh, very well.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Ozzel has a blond mustache.
 * 12) *Ascension and Death:
 * 13) ** Change "He was assigned as the commander..." to "He was assigned to the Executor, the flagship of both Darth Vader and the task force Death Sqaudron, as its commanding officer, with Captain Firmus Piett as his senior subordinate."
 * 14) **Try to milk as much info out of ESB as possible.
 * 15) * BTS:
 * 16) ** Several parts of the BTS are unsourced.
 * 17) ***While this was changed, for future reference it didn't have to be. All parts of the BTS were sourced, if not by tags then by statements that sourced themselves by stating their source within the sentence. - Lord Hydronium 14:22, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Just to add to this, the way it is now I'd call it overreferenced. - Lord Hydronium 14:25, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ****That's what I was thinking. I'll remove them, if they haven't been removed already. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ** Rather than say who thought what about him, try to include all their opinions in one blow.
 * 21) ** Change "action" to "actions".
 * 22) ** "Active" should be "activate".
 * 23) ** Change "a large majority" to "the majority".
 * 24) * Though not an official objection, I'd like for the Black Nebula red link to be filled in if possible.
 * That's about all I can think of at this moment, I may try and fix somethings myself after my objections have been addressed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 12:55, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Uh, if there is no such title of "Admiral of Death Squadron," why is he the admiral in charge of Death Squadron? Otherwise, done. Additionally, I don't have Scoundrel's Luck, so I can't do anything about the Black Widow Nebula redlink. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 13:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no "Admiral of Death Squadron" but there is "Commander of Death Squadron".-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:15, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fine, "Admiral in charge of Death Squadron." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:40, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Mention should be made that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy on Coruscant.
 * 3) * Mention should be made that Ozzel achieved the rank of Captain of the Line before being transferred to the Coruscant Naval Academy, and that he was transferred because his superiors felt he was not able to command in the field.
 * 4) * Mention should be made that he taught naval history and languages at the academy.
 * 5) * For the Personality and traits section, no mention is made of his bullish attitude and lack of common sense, his argumentative attitude, his being a disciplinarian and stickler for rules, and his bias against females and non-humans while teaching at the academy.
 * 6) *All the above is from the Official Star Wars Fact Files. If you need help on some of it, let me know. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **If you could leave me details on each of your comments on my talk page with the specific Fact File they came from, I'd be more than happy to add the information in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 02:44, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just to let you know, I'll have this taken care of by tonight; it's a busy day for me. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:01, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:05, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Happy to help with the content, but there's a few other things about the article I noticed. Please see below. -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 12) * An expansion on the situation on Teardrop, with a link to the Teardrop massacre should be included.
 * 13) **Okay - more expansion is needed here I feel. Remember, context is everything. Why were the Rebels on Teardrop? How did the Empire learn of their presence? How were the Rebels able to escape? Why was the Millennium Falcon there? Why did the Empire chose to kill innocent civilians? Also, mention Dreflin's involvement on the surface and his altercation with Daric LaRone which led to his death.
 * 14) ***Frankly, I don't think all that is needed, as they had nothing to do with Ozzel. I added why Ozzel was there and what he did in the system, but I don't want the paragraph to end up sounding like a summary of the first few chapters of Allegiance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Include details of the plans to kill Mara Jade.
 * 16) **A little something on why Ozzel agreed to eliminate Jade is needed - did he believe that the Stormtrooper desertion incident would look bad on his record, etc. Also, why was the Falcon at the pirate base in the first place?
 * 17) ***I've added why he agreed, but again, I think that adding why the Falcon was there has nothing to do with Ozzel. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * It's been a while since I read Allegiance, but does Ozzel have any reaction to/ knowledge of/ direct contact with/ orders to deal with the Hand of Judgment?
 * 19) * Concerning the information regarding the differing viewpoints on his ascension to Admiral: consider removing He led Death Squadron alongside Vader into a battle against the Rebel fleet in .75 ABY that ended in a Rebel escape., from the end of the third paragraph of Ascent, and adding the first three lines from the fourth paragraph to the third, from "Speculation abounded ... to ... members of the general staff". This will consolidate all the information on his promotion into one paragraph.
 * 20) * Following on from the last comment, add the line removed from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph, since the fourth will now deal with his actual command of the vessel. This may require a little rewriting so it fits.
 * 21) * Not an objection - regarding the BTS info on the origination of Ozzel's first name - this link may be useful to you as it confirms the existance of the Danny Kendall character in the series, and a small piece on his relationship with Sheard's character. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:48, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **I've done some of it, but the rest will have to wait until this evening. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:09, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Having been busy all week, I'll try to get this done tomorrow night. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 18:51, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:22, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *****Okay, I struck most of them, but I still feel more expansion on the Allegiance events is needed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:51, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 27) * Allegiance info needs a mention in intro. His role is certainly large enough.
 * 28) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 01:03, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ***More, please. Trying to kill an Emperor's hand and being embroiled in that sort of sector intrigue is certainly relevant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:37, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * "He attended the finest naval academy" Some POV here.
 * 32) **That's what it says in the sources. Can't help that. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Irrelevant. The sources don't have to be neutral, especially if they're IU. Our article has to be. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Regardless, it needs to be shown that he attended the finest naval academy. It's important to the article. Unless you can find a better way to word it, I'm not going to remove it. I may be acting rude; if so, I apologize, but I really want that kept in the article. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *****I placed a fix in there. "the finest naval academy" vs. "What was considered the finest naval academy." An even better fix would be to say who called it the finest naval academy, if that information is available. (e.g. "What was considered the finest naval academy by _____".) Since you're new to the FAN page, I'm trying to help out, but future reviews shouldn't be carried out like this. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ******It doesn't say who considered it to be the finest. Like I noted above, all it says in the source is that Ozzel attended the finest naval academy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *******I understand that and the point I'm trying to make is that you simply can't say that in the article. Since the narrator of the Fact Files is unknown, it can be left with the fix I've inserted, but for future reference, even if the source says "Vader was the finest duelist" or "attended the best naval academy", that's still POV and cannot be placed in the article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * 2nd para of Early life is out of order chronologically. Please amend.
 * 39) **How so? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:52, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) ***It seems to me that you should place Solo's trial before the instructor stint, since it was only for "a short time" and Solo's court-martial was well before Yavin. That said, I haven't read the relevant sources aside from the Han Solo Trilogy. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Will do. Thanks for clearing that up; I don't have the Han Solo trilogy. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * I'm fairly certain it's called Reprisal throughout Allegiance, not the Reprisal. Please adjust accordingly.
 * 44) **I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***If the warship is referred to as "Reprisal went here and did things" and not "the Reprisal went here and did things" in Allegiance, then the extra "the" needs to be removed. IIRC, Reprisal is the canon usage. Could be wrong there, it's been a few months. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Does it really matter? I thought there was a policy here to put "the" before the name of a ship, with a few exceptions like Home One and Slave One. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) *****Besides, I see "the Reprisal" used a lot. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:19, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ******A check of Allegiance shows it is "The Reprisal". For future reference, it does matter and we follow canon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * Context on Mara Jade needed in the body.
 * 50) **How much more do I need? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Your first mention just says "Mara Jade". Throw in a few adjectives or something to give us context; the reader might not know who that is. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Will do. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * "The colonel's reasoning was that agents could easily end up somewhere during a military strike and be killed." You switch from Mara being a lone agent to "agents". While I do know the storyline behind this, it's not clear in the article.
 * 55) **The colonel specifically said that agents die all the time. Not my wording, but his. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ***It's still not clear and you could still mention her ISB colleagues that she picked up to clarify it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Well, I suppose I could clarify by adding "Imperial agents, such as the Emperor's Hand, could easily..." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * No context on Gillia.
 * 60) **There's really nothing else I can write about it without going into too much detail on the Hand of Judgment. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ***A few words is all I'm asking. You can't just introduce a planet name, character, or ship without giving some descriptor. Case in point: The light freighter Millennium Falcon vs. Millennium Falcon. The first is a better way of wording it and provides basic context. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Is there a real need to harp on his stupidity twice in the same line in P&T?
 * 64) **Which line? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) ***"Kendal Ozzel was considered . . . stupid." and "Darth Vader considered Ozzel . . . stupid." It's the same thing and it's redundant. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) * "He was a disciplinarian, and every detail had to be perfect." Not very clear and contradictory in light of lax nature of stormtrooper discipline.
 * 68) **Fact File says he was a disciplinarian and every detail had to be perfect, and Allegiance says he let off-duty soldiers walk around without their armor. Can't change that; sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Then you'll need to come up with an acceptable way of phrasing it or make a note of the contradiction in BtS, but regardless, it needs to be addressed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * More P&T data on the lengths he was willing to go to in order to cover his back from Allegiance would be good.
 * 72) **Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:31, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * You'll need to provide an exact reference on that official site mention.
 * 74) **What mention? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:07, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ***"and later made its way to the official website." This is sitting in the BTS without a reference. Please find one and add it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:59, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ****I'm afraid I can't help you there. That was the biggest issue I had involving referencing. Would a link to the Databank suffice? Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) *****No, a Databank link won't suffice. Fair warning: If you don't find that link, this won't be a Featured Article any time soon. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:42, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) ******I'll just remove it, then. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 17:17, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) *******Rather, I simply added that the name made its way to the Databank and added a ref. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:54, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) ********Much better. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:08, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 83) *"to increase his standing in the Navy" -- no previous mention is made of the Navy before this, so it's kind of sudden. Please document that he joined the Navy, etc. before talking about his machinations.
 * 84) **I moved it to the P&T section. I think it's better off there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ***The transition is still rather sudden; it talks of how he used the family name to rise through the ranks of the military, and then states that he attended the naval academy. Please revise this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Frankly, I don't think it's sudden. The only way I could possibly fix this is by putting "He attended what was considered the finest naval academy on Coruscant." at the beginning of the next paragraph. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *Some mention of what being a "captain of the line" curtailed would be good.
 * 88) **I would add something, but there's no mention of what he did as a Captain of the Line. I could speculate about what he did in that rank based on the Captain of the Line article, but there's really nothing I could use. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) ***Some sort of the explanation would help, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) ****Like I said, there's no record of what he did as a Captain of the Line; speculating on it would not work. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) *****We know he was a Captain of the Line. We know what a captain of the line did. If you want to avoid saying that Ozzel did anything, just include a description of what a genetic Captain of the Line did. If you're careful with the wording, you'll be fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) *The first two sections seem of kind of...skin and bones. Things aren't elaborated enough, and stuff seems thrown in without care to make it fit. Also, "Solo later sighted Ozzel aboard the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught Executor in the Black Widow Nebula before the vessel was officially launched" should be rewritten from Ozzel's point of view, and clarified somewhat.
 * 93) **I'm afraid I don't have Scoundrel's Luck (where the info on Ozzel onboard the Executor in the Black Widow Nebula came from). Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) ***That is unfortunate, but the objection must stand.
 * 95) ****I reworded the sentence in question to be from Ozzel's point-of-view, but I'll need to find someone with Scoundrel's Luck to get all the information. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) * No context on the Millenium Falcon, and Solo is reintroduced in "Ascent" rather suddenly, as if the article assumes readers are already familiar with the source material.
 * 97) **I believe I've taken care of that now. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) * Wasn't Mara an Emperor's Hand and not the Emperor's Hand?
 * 99) **Allegiance (and Ozzel) refer to her as the Emperor's Hand if I'm not mistaken, but... done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) ***Fair enough, but Ozzel was speaking out of ignorance. Thanks for changing it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 101) *" Regardless of the nature of these rumors" -- this doesn't seem right (or "encyclopedic" or whatever). Please remove, reword, or clarify.
 * 102) **Removed "of the nature of these rumors." Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 103) * I haven't read My Brother, My Enemy, but surely the info from it could be expanded. Like a lot of other stuff in the article, it seems to have been thrown in haphazardly without proper explanation.
 * 104) **There's nothing more. He just stands there and says one line. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) ***But, presumably, his ship/the fleet/whatever does a lot more than that one line, and all of that is relevant to Ozzel.
 * 106) ****True. I'll take care of it when I find the comics in my ever-growing pile of comics I finished reading. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 22:48, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) *****Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:36, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 108) *"In 1 ABY the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord between Vader's fleet commanders. Ozzel took the bait and believed the rumors that said that Vader wanted to replace him with a junior officer" -- this needs to be explained properly. How did the Rebels managed to plant seeds of discord?, how exactly did Ozzel "take the bait"?, etc.
 * 109) **Don't have the relevant source. Sorry. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) ***You might want to try this site for info. I've often used it in the past for Galaxies info and it is fairly comprehensive. You could also try the Star Wars Galaxies Wiki, which is supposed to be in good shape. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) * "Additionally, Ozzel would publicly criticize Vader." If the info exists, please say when, in what context, to whom, and give any examples of this occurring.
 * 112) **If I recall correctly, it was only briefly mentioned in a Fact File article, without any details. I'll check on that, though. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 113) * The last paragraph of "Ascent" could be fleshed out a bit, I would think. Also, "Ascent" seems appropriate for only some of the content of the section, as the second half pertains to happenings after his ascent.
 * 114) **I think I may have fixed this when addressing Toprawa and Ralltiir's objection. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) *Have you checked the ESB novel, radio, or Marvel adaptations for info? Surely there is some.
 * 116) **I checked the Marvel adapation, but I don't have access to the novel or radio adaptations. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 20:33, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 117) ***I've added info from the radio adaptation/script. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 118) *Generally, things -- even things you may not think are all that relevant to Ozzel -- need to be properly explained, contextified, and expanded; the majority of the article, in fact. It's good at the minute, and I applaud you for choosing a relatively major character for your first solo FAN, but it is still not up to FA scratch, IMHO, and still has some ways to go.
 * 119) **Some examples of "things" would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 15:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 120) ***"Things" means objects, people, ships, places, etc that are introduced in the article. Examples are included in several of my above objections. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:51, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 121) **More later. Just to note, I won't be very active for the next week at least, so I may be slow to respond to or strike objections. My apologies. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) Toprawa:
 * 123) *You're missing info from the ESB radio drama and RD script. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) **Don't have either. If you could provide a link to the script, that would be helpful. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 23:31, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) ***Done. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:00, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "However, the depiction of Vader's recovery here contradicts that shown in Star Wars Empire 14: The Savage Heart." - Vader: The Ultimate Guide has the Scoundrel's Luck events take place right after Vader is picked up from Vaal (in fact, Sodarra from SL is the one who recovers him from Vaal), so I don't think this is true. - Lord Hydronium 21:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wasn't aware of that. I'll fix it. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:27, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wait, it still contradicts Ozzel's command of the Reprisal at this time. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 21:30, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that part's fine to mention, but Vader's recovery isn't contradictory, is what I'm saying. Or at least not between those two sources. - Lord Hydronium 23:02, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
 * So I only have to remove that one line then, right? No problem. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:23, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Just a note to all those with objections needing to be addressed: I'm busy all week helping teach at a guitar camp for 6 to 8-year-olds, so please be patient. I'll do my best to satisfy all objections as soon as I get a chance. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 00:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * If anyone has access to the ESB novel, Scoundrel's Luck, or Star Wars Galaxies Rebel mission "Sow Discord", I'd appreciate some help with getting info from the three sources. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 14:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You should ask around in IRC and see if anyone can help you out or point you toward the sources online. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Satal Keto

 * Nominated by: —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 01:44, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Brought to you by the 1980's classic version of Tommy9281. Enjoy!

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) I think you're right; Satal and Aleema were definitely kissing cousins.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:08, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  17:23, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Graveyard of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * Third paragraph of Battle on Onderon: "while" in consecutive sentences.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * I think you should remove the quote from the middle of the prose. I believe it’s against policy, but I’m not sure.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Might want to give a little context about how he caught Jeth.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "...that they went, he would find them." I don’t get what you are trying to say.
 * 9) **Forgot a word. Addressed.
 * 10) * I think you're about to get your's chance." Does the quote really says your’s?
 * 11) **Typo, addressed.
 * 12) * You source some things by DLOTS # and some by just DLOTS. Please choose one method, specific issue or arc.
 * 13) **Another accident. I got it now, addressed.
 * 14) **Source by arc, if you can, please. If you need help with issue numbers, check the issue articles, or hit up me, Acky, or Greyman. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***I got it, just a mistake on my part. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:40, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Might want to give a bit about what happened with Aleema, the Krath and Ulic in Legacy.
 * 17) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 18) * I’d add a little bit about how he more cowardly than Aleema in P&T. You’ve got something like that, just expand a little.
 * 19) **Addressed also, I believe.
 * 20) *Cool, cool.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:31, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Jadson. If anything else is required, please advise. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 23:40, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Before anyone says anything, he is referred to by first name all throughout because it couldn't be done any other way. Also, the first quote of the article is formatted that way to depict Satal listening to the news report as opposed to having a conversation with someone.  —Tommy  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( There are no Jedi here ) 02:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Montross

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The voice of Clancy Brown compels you.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:42, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Very Crowded Desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "When a young boy called Jango Fett joined the Mandalorians and became like a son to Mereel, Montross grew enraged at Mereel's favoritism and contemptuous of Fett." This sentence just reads awkwardly to me.
 * 3) * You use "supposedly" twice in the first sentence of the second paragraph.
 * 4) * "When they arrived, the resistance proved not to be minimal." Too corny, IMO.
 * 5) * How did Sebolto kill himself?
 * 6) * You start two consecutive sentences with "as" in the same paragraph.
 * 7) *Mandos were better before Traviss.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:02, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Resolved all of those. Except Traviss. :P - Lord Hydronium 10:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 10) * "Montross shooting down stragglers as they retreated" Clarify whose stragglers are being shot here.
 * 11) * "Fett led them to the closest town to his family's farm, where the Mandalorians expected Vizsla to go to resupply;" Reword/clarify.
 * 12) * "Mereel followed and ordered Montross to abort his run and do the same." Followed where?
 * 13) * "Upon arriving, though, they were ambushed by the Death Watch, who had in fact hired the Mandalorians to lure them into a trap. " Clarify Death Watch involvement, please.
 * 14) * "Montross had personal contempt of Fett, considering him a child and believing him to be a coward, but as an opportunist, he also believed that Mereel's attachment would interfere with his picking of a successor." Reword/Clarify.
 * 15) *Fascinating BTS. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:43, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **All resolved. - Lord Hydronium 02:33, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Images are coming. The infobox image will get replaced with a headshot when that happens, too. - Lord Hydronium 08:16, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Kouhun

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 12:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,047 1,117 words.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 23:04, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Ozzel 03:00, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cool. I made a few minor expansions to this article in my first month here. Enochf 18:33, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * In the intro - the term "less fatal" is used to describe the Kouhun's tail sting, but in the main body it is refered to as non-lethal. "Less fatal" is confusing in this instance, and should be reworded.
 * 3) **Well, nonfatal is less fatal than fatal. :P I changed it. - Lord Hydronium 22:47, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I've just found that kouhun appear in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Rodian from the Living Force. I'm going to write an article for the adventure itself, so I will take care of that red link, but there is probably a small paragraph that can come from the adventure. --Eyrezer 21:30, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 7) *"the result of escaped kouhuns from assassins," Reword.
 * 8) *"They sometimes used the ability to dye a kouhun by coloring it with the dominant color of the environment that it would infiltrate." Reword please.
 * 9) *Otherwise a clean nom. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:49, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) From the other desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 11) *"...almost all mammalian species, which in most intelligent species created symptoms resembling a heart attack or another natural manner of death." I think you should change this a bit. First you say mammals were vulnerable, and then you use all species.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:20, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * "Centipedelike" is, in fact, a canon description. - Lord Hydronium 12:01, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Zaerdra

 * Nominated by: Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And to think I said to myself "no more character FAs" only yesterday..

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 00:20, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 09:47, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Keep that speculation out, though.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:26, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Greyman ( Talk ) 01:22, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( You're all clear kid! )( Now let's blow this thing and go home! [[Image:Revanchist Sith.svg|20px]] 02:02, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Fine dance around out-right speculation of her death.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:52, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) This is a minor problem but the "100% lightside" tab blocks the other picture. It looks sloppy in my opinion. If thats resolved then I'll vote for it.  NaruHina ''' Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|20px]] 03:03, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Preliminaries: After some attempts to clean up the intro myself, I still find it lacking in comprehension. Please revisit, adding context where necessary. Frankly, I can say the same for the bio.  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:06, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *I'm not certain if you mean "comprehension" or "comprehensiveness", but in any case, the article has been revisited with an eye for correcting both.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:34, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **COMPREHENSION "2 a: the act or process of comprising b: the faculty or capability of including : comprehensiveness" – From Webster's Dictionary. Graestan ( Talk ) 21:48, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Grass clippings:
 * 6) * "A devoted member and ward of Thek" is a bit redundant, after the previous sentences.
 * 7) **Hmm, thought that'd been fixed earlier. Oh well, it's remedied now.
 * 8) * Lightfight?
 * 9) **It's like saying "firefight" -- it's an in-universe term that could probably use its own article, which I'd be happy to create if requested have now created and linked to.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:40, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:38, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) I actually have a problem with the death speculation. Like I did with Gwellib Ap-Llewff, I'd like to see you remove the speculation but still mention the bombardment, and let readers put 2 and 2 together. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:44, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *Death speculation removed, but per your suggestion, info about the bombardment and its scope was kept.
 * 13) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 14) * First sentence of Mandalorian invasion - I think that you should set up the fact that Zaerdra was a Hidden Bek and her relationship to Thek before mentioning the Mandalorian invasion.
 * 15) **Reworded.
 * 16) * I think a link to the Padawan massacre needs to be included when setting up the introduction of Zayne Carrick. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 22:57, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Link added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:17, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) One more thing: Something about her unusual appearance and distinctive garb in the P&T would be helpful. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:30, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Added.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:51, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **"Oddly colored for a Twi'lek" is OR. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:30, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 22) * "ever got into her stuff again." Reword for formality; particularly important in the intro.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * "This forced Thek to apologize for her abrupt behavior on a number of occasions, including when Thek" Clarify.
 * 25) **Reworded.
 * 26) * Two sentences with identical syntax at the end of P&T could use a little variety.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * Is there a reason Sith Empire is pipelinked, but Sith isn't linked at all?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) *That's all. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:10, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thank you, but it's time for sleep...zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz... Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:45, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) Toprawa:
 * 33) *This description doesn't apply well to what you have written here. You write that she met these people with hostility, but that Thek tells her he can still defend himself...these are ideas are not connected by anything. Did she treat them poorly to protect Thek? Clean this up, please: "she greeted the amnesiac former Dark Lord of the Sith Revan, accompanied by Republic officer Carth Onasi, with open hostility. This outburst forced Thek to apologize to his guests and to remind Zaerdra that he could still take care of himself."
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) *Can we link a battle to this at all? If not, please create a red link: "When the Mandalorians laid siege and eventually invaded the strategically-located planet"
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) *What meeting place? Context needed for the significance of this, please: "were flown to the meeting place, where Sowrs and her own resistance group were."
 * 38) **Addressed.
 * 39) *Firing from the surface? So where are they, on top of a building? Flying through the sky? You should revisit this paragraph as a whole and add greater detail: "a group of Mandalorian Neo-Crusaders firing at them from the surface."
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) *To be quite honest, I'm lost at this point as to what the lines of battle are here. Are the Beks friends with the Constable and her forces? It seems like they are, but then three sentences later they're "confronting" each other. Again, greater background detail needed throughout this paragraph. Please revisit: "After a confrontation between the Beks and members of the Constable's resistance movement"
 * 42) **Addressed.
 * 43) **Additionally, as an addendum to the two previous objections, a lot of this seems very periphery to what Zaerdra is doing. She seems lost among what the group is doing collectively, with only minimal mention of her throughout this paragraph. Please go back and do what you can to better present everything from Zaerdra's role, not the group's.
 * 44) ***Well, she is in a gang.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) *Per our quote precedent, your section section quote should not be in quote format
 * 46) **Addressed.
 * 47) *Please consider this phase 1 as I go through this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:25, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) **My circuits are a-buzz with anticipation of your next round of objections.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Normally, such a speculation about a character's death would be verboten, but seeing as it was likely a result of the bombardment of Taris, it wouldn't seem too out-of-place. 1,103 words by last count.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:00, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The article itself is fine, but I'm a touch concerned about the illustration. You've got one image from the comics, but in the section about the game events, which is a touch confusing. Furthermore, the comic image doesn't really illustrate anything...it's just Zaedra, Weaver-style. I think that a better image can be culled from the comics and placed in the relevant section, and then perhaps another screenshot from the game could be placed in that relevant section. Thefourdotelipsis 01:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Darth Wyyrlok (III)

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:46, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: See...I'm not totally biased against Legacy...

(2 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:44, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:09, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Legacy isn't that bad.... DC 16:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From a guy who isn't at all biased against Legacy:
 * 2) * Darth Talon didn't report to Krayt that Cade had healing powers, Moff Rus did. Change this, but don't forget that it was Talon who informed Krayt that Cade existed.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Only Nihl defeated Cade. Talon was disarmed and defeated by Skywalker. Change this appropriately.
 * 5) **Is this clear in the comic? It looks like Talon is moving her arm, using the Force against him or something...am I missing some visual clue?
 * 6) ***They're dueling, Cade has the upper hand against Talon, and Nihl interrupts the duel by Force choking Cade. Talon had nothing to do with Cade's defeat.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "...which was a Yuuzhan Vong torture device." "Which was"" isn't needed and makes the sentence seem like you're reading it to a child.
 * 9) **Removed.
 * 10) *"Former Senator Gial Gahan had been implicated in aiding the Galactic Alliance with the theft, and so Krayt had him arrested." The latter part of the sentence doesn't read right.
 * 11) **Could you clarify that a bit more, please? I'm not seeing what's wrong there.
 * 12) ***It just feels like it's missing something in the latter part of the sentence. Maybe just put after it, "for the crime," something around those lines.
 * 13) ****I feel that would make the sentence a tad unwieldy. I'm afraid I just don't agree here. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *****Okay. I see where you're coming from. DC 19:18, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * I think you could make a short P&A section for Wyyrlok, since he is, after all, the master of Sith lore and magic in Krayt's order.
 * 16) **It'd be a sentence at most...I think that 27 will probably give me enough to deal with in that regard, but at the moment it'd be rather paltry and...ugly.
 * 17) ***Hmmmm.....I don't know how it would look. I'll try to see if I can write one, and see how it looks after that. I'll strike the objection though. Darthchristian 16:56, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) *Great article, Fourdot. Darthchristian 02:33, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) Great article, but I'd like to see two minor additions. It should be mentioned that he hoped his daughter would become the next Wyyrlok, and I think mention should be made that he was to only Sith who knew of Krayt's true identity. Other than that it's excellent. Kudos for using "Krayt was not pleased." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:31, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **Got the daughter thing in the P/T, and...are you sure about the Hett knowledge thing? Is that stipulated in the comic? I must have missed it. Thefourdotelipsis 11:53, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *** I believe it is, but I certainly could be wrong. I've got one thing for you: "He then dismissed them, before openly stating that the "Fel" he had just killed was actually a double. After reprimanding his head of intelligence, Darth Maladi, for failing to detect the ruse, he dismissed everyone but Wyyrlok." I'm a bit confused about the dismissing people twice thing. Did he dismiss just the Moffs the first time? A little clarification would help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:52, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ***** Now you use "dismissed" three times in that paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:39, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **** The identity thing was actually an assumption on my part, though a mention of how Krayt trusted him with it -- but not the other Sith -- in the P&T would be good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:03, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *****Maybe I'm not following, or maybe I missed something critical in the comic, but is there anything that says that the other Sith don't know about the Hett thing? It might have been in an issue I didn't read or something...I dunno. Thefourdotelipsis 05:08, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ******Hmmm. Actually, forget about it. I just rechecked the comic and I was misremembering something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:44, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) Quotes need to be improved. They are more fit for a recap than for a character article. The whole "dual lightsabers" and "master of Sith Lore" stuff fits better in a "powers and abilities" section than in a sub-section of his biography --Gonzalo84 19:11, 29 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *Well, quote are quotes, and their "quality" tends to be entirely subjective. However, since you're the second person to mention a P&A section, I'm going to relent. :P I've moved that info now. Thefourdotelipsis 00:51, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) **Still mantain my opinion regarding quotes. There's also redundant information (about being the Third Wyyrlok) at the introduction section that would fit better in the Bio itself.--Gonzalo84 04:40, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***The intro is meant to repeat the info from the bio, in a compressed form. Thefourdotelipsis 04:50, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***You're going to have to clarify your objection about the quotes, Gonzalo. "Quotes need to be improved" is not a helpful objection - I'd suggest you offer alternatives for some of them so 4dot can know what you're looking for. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:33, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Vote to strike objection (Inq only)
 * 1) Gonzalo has been asked to clarify, and has not done so. It's a silly, subjective objection that doesn't fall under any rules. If he wants better quotes, he should add them himself or be more specific in his objection. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:39, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Indeed. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 21:42, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I wouldn't have let this live this long.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:42, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:48, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I really do hate these kinds of things and feel they should be avoided at all costs, but leaving an objection like that for a week is just annoying. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Jes Gistang

 * Nominated by: -- Darthchristian 20:05, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,052 words, last time I checked. From WookieeProject Legacy Era.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:24, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Could probably use a little sharpening style-wise, but I am confident that further reviews will achieve this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:29, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Ackbar:
 * 2) * "Threatened as a young woman" could do with some explanation, if there is any.
 * 3) **There is no explanation.
 * 4) ***I'd like to see it altered then, or chopped, because it doesn't read very well.
 * 5) ****Chopped off "threatened."
 * 6) * "She guided Trask and gave him tips to help him survive among the stormtroopers, and even sympathized with the noob." -- this reads a bit informally, and I'd like to see the "noob" either go or be properly explained.
 * 7) **Took it out.
 * 8) * "However, when Lieutenant Gil Cassel informed the 407th that they would be participating in a battle against the 908th, fellow stormtroopers, on Borosk for joining disposed Emperor Roan Fel, she quickly disagreed with the mission, and even argued that the 407th should join Fel themselves" -- couple of issues with this. Firstly, the "however" seems like it's just been thrown in; nothing to the contrary is said in the previous sentence. Also, the whole section from "the 908th" to "Roan Fel" reads a little awkwardly; please rejig it to see if you can get it to read better. Lastly, I think "deposed" is the word you're looking for :-P
 * 9) **All of the above, fixed.
 * 10) * First sentence of the bio could do we a little work; "born and redheaded Corellian" and "after being given a bad set of alternatives that she considered to be worse than becoming a stormtrooper" read poorly.
 * 11) **First part, fixed. Second part, gone.
 * 12) ***Could still be improved. It should start by saying that she was a Human female from Corellia and that she did not enjoy her early life, and then go on to mention the Mission.
 * 13) ****Used your suggestion.
 * 14) * "Gistang and the rest of Joker Squad were then put into action" could be reworded to read a little better.
 * 15) **Changed to, "thrust into action," and moved to the beginning of the next section.
 * 16) * "After Darth Maleval was dispatched by Emperor Darth Krayt make sure the 407th didn't defect themselves, Joker Squad was then sent to Borosk" -- I'm not sure this is accurate. IIRC, Maleval was there all along.
 * 17) **You're right, so I redid that sentence.
 * 18) * "At first assigned to capture the 908th's base, the soldiers fought bravely and showed no interest to join Fel" -- this is missing a word or something, and also contradicts what was stated earlier in the article: at least Gistang had shown an interest.
 * 19) **Contradiction gone.
 * 20) * "Gistang played an important part in the battle, cutting paths with the large weapon she used, and inflicting large amounts of damage" -- I already cleaned up this sentence a bit, but what exactly was she damaging? Buildings, enemies, vehicles? Please clarify.
 * 21) **Clarified it as, "enemy targets."
 * 22) * "However, with every four shots, she needed to replace her power pak, making her carry large amounts of it" -- last part of this could be cleaned up a fair bit.
 * 23) **Fixed.
 * 24) * The bit about the stormtrooper about to kill her should come before the bit about Trask killing him.
 * 25) **Sentence redone.
 * 26) ***Doesn't resolve my objection, though.
 * 27) ****Better now?
 * 28) *****Yes.
 * 29) * "Gistang noticed, however, Trask deep..." -- per my comment above about the however; also, please clarify about Trask's father&mdash;was he dead, still alive, or what? It's quite unclear at the minute.
 * 30) **Noob doesn't clarify. I'm keeping it as it is.
 * 31) ***I checked, and "wonder what he would've thought of today?," coupled with Trask's use of the past tense when referring to his father, seems to indicate he's dead. Also, the first part of the objection has not been addressed.
 * 32) ****That would be speculation, so I can't say Trask's father is dead unless it states he is.
 * 33) *****Fine, but you're going to have to do something about the sentence; it's still unclear if he was still a stormtrooper at the time, or what. You use both "had been" and "was" in the same sentence referring to his father's position as a stormtrooper. Also, the first part of the objection has not been addressed.
 * 34) ******Both parts are addressed now. DC 17:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Soon enough..." -- this all happens rather suddenly; last I knew, they were resting for the night. Please add in something to make the transition less sudden.
 * 36) **Changed.
 * 37) * "insulted him, which resulted in him being Force pushed to the ground" -- aside from the rhyming, it ought to be clarified that Maleval did the pushing.
 * 38) **Fixed.
 * 39) * Last paragraph of the bio reads quite poorly, and could do with cleaning up.
 * 40) **Cleaned up.
 * 41) *Decent article, but it seems as if it was rushed; lots of missing words, awkward phrasing, and casual wording. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:15, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) **I rushed the copyedit, so that may be why. Thanks for the review. Darthchristian 21:19, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ***We're all human. ;-) It's looking much better now, though there's still a few issues that haven't been dealt with to my satisfaction. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:44, 6 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Refering to her as "originally Corellian" doesn't sit right. If she was born a Corellian, then she is a Corellian.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * They pushed on though, but Gistang made the same mistake of leaving her power paks vulnerable to blaster bolts. When did she make the first mistake? This should be noted.
 * 5) **She had made it earlier, and it was mentioned in the article, but I decided to take the first mistake out, so it states "Gistang made the mistake" now.
 * 6) * Noting that her good sense of humor is due to her Corellian heritage is a bit stereotypical - not all Corellians have a sense of humor.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) * Maybe add something into the P&T section about how, despite being a hardened trooper, she still found time to talk to and console Trask during their brief time serving together. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:20, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Added DC 03:44, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * There's some missing punctuation in the main quote. I'd fill it in, but I'm not sure what it's supposed to be. (I'd think a period, but one can never be sure with comics.) -- Ozzel 03:14, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **It's in the middle of a long statement by Harka, so I didn't know how to format the quote. Any ideas? i was kind of thinking of using brackets. DC 03:44, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Ah, in that case, yes, a bracketed ellipsis is the way to go; I went ahead and added it. (And I put the nowiki tag there because otherwise there's a weird bug where the apostrophes show up.) -- Ozzel 10:24, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) *Eliminate contractions.
 * 3) * I've found several instances where you use two spaces between sentences. If this is accidental, please be more mindful. If not, You should be aware that we only use single spacing between sentences in articles.
 * 4) * Eliminate the overlinking.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "Battle of Borosk and death" section should be changed to something like, "Death at Borosk".
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * Further on that point, you have a section named after the battle, but you link the battle nowhere within that section. You can either: (a)link the battle somewhere within the section, or (b) use   right under the section title (after you reword the section title, of course).
 * 9) **Used (B).
 * 10) * Same section. You say, "Gistang started to chase after the Sith Lord, insulting him as well, though she was stopped by Sergeant Harkas before Maleval could punish her as well." Please reword, avoiding the repetitive use of the phrase "as well".
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * Same section, you introduce Vax Potorr without linking him. Please do so, and link everything in the article with an article of its own at the first mention. Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:31, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Done. Thanks for the review. DC 17:16, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***My pleasure. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:53, 16 July 2008 (UTC)

Ragez D'Asta

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 02:42, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The most important Imperial you've never heard of.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * No indication of his sex/species in the intro/article?
 * 3) **That's not a requirement. Thefourdotelipsis 23:51, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***For the intro, maybe, but can you honestly say that it's not relevant to the bio? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk)
 * 5) ****Unless it's directly relevant to a plot point, not really. The infobox does the job. Would you list his height in the bio? Probably not, unless it was directly relevant. Thefourdotelipsis 00:52, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *****His height is related purely to his physical appearance, which is not usually elaborated upon in the bio unless there are special circumstances. Even then, I'd have no problem listing his height in the bio. Someone's exact height is relatively unimportant, but their species (and to a lesser extent, gender) is important, as is their year of birth, if known - would you leave that out of the bio because it's in the infobox? Also, users can "[hide]" the infobox, so we shouldn't be relying on solely it to convey info. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:49, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Year of birth is an important biographical fact, wheras species only really a point thats made since there are other species. I wouldn't demand it of any article, not even one on an alien, unless the character's species is important to the biographical info. Same as their gender...it's not important in many cases. If D'Asta was someone who preached HuMan High Culture or whatever, or had, I dunno, a magic penis, then mentioning his gender would be essential, but...I don't think it is here. And if people choose to "[hide]" the infobox, they're in no position to complain about information that they don't get. Thefourdotelipsis 01:07, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *"D'Asta commanded his armada in an attack on Ord Cantrell, headquarters of the Council." Why? Was this in response to his daughter's arrest? If so, please clarify.
 * 9) *In the first paragraph of the article body you mention that he had business dealings with Jahren Sinn. Please elaborate, if possible.
 * 10) *"D'Asta last saw his daughter in 6 ABY." This sentence kind of just hangs there with no clear import or meaning. Please consider revising.
 * 11) *Your use of inline citations in between dashes and words looks a bit unsightly. Is there a way you could remedy this?
 * 12) *This is sort of unclear: "One of the members of the Council, Xandel Carivus, sought to take over." Take over what, precisely?
 * 13) *"Carivus left one of his admirals to deal with D'Asta." This could use a bit of expansion, if possible; why did he do this? What concerns did Carivus have about D'Asta?.
 * 14) *I would like to see this sentence broken up, elaborating on the "multiple dangers" faced by the Empire and the battle itself. "With the Imperial Navy scattered due to the multiple dangers the Empire faced, D'Asta's fleet decimated the Imperial fleet, breaking the defenses over Ord Cantrell and driving what ships remained into retreat."
 * 15) *From the second paragraph of the Battle of Ord Cantrell section: "Kir Kanos, one of the Emperor's Royal Guard"; shouldn't this be "formerly of the Emperor's Royal Guard"? If so, this needs to be corrected throughout the article.
 * 16) *You mention Grappa the Hutt late in the body as being behind his daughter's kidnapping, yet when you first mention it, you say it was a plot by Black Sun. If it was indeed Grappa who was the mastermind behind that, then you should state this initially, rather than bringing him in later.
 * 17) *From the P&T: "Baron D'Asta was respected amongst Imperials, including the members of the Interim Council." Why?
 * 18) * "D'Asta was pro-Imperial and a supporter of Emperor Palpatine, aghast when he learned of the conspiracy to end the Emperor's life." This reads kind of...meh. Please consider revising.
 * 19) **Rephrased. Thefourdotelipsis 23:51, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *TIMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:21, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 22) *Decide between "Council" and "council"
 * 23) *"what was to be done about D'Asta and the other dangers the Empire faced. " Reword, a bit of POV here.
 * 24) *"drew his blade on her, demanding her life." Unclear antecedent; there are 3 chicks present.
 * 25) *Otherwise clean. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:25, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Kas'im

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 15:20, 29 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: Enter the Blademaster. You can keep your Cin Dralligs and your Raskta Lsus for all I care! My first contribution from WP:NSW.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

The Anvil:
 * 1) * Eliminate any overlinking. One in the intro, one in the article body.
 * 2) **I believe no links are replicated now.
 * 3) * I changed this for you, but Kaan's Sith were dignified as Dark Lords, as opposed to just "Sith Lords/Masters".
 * 4) **I didn't recall seeing this. I remember all 'Masters' were granted the title of 'Lord' but didn't realize it was 'Dark Lord'. Thank's for altering it.
 * 5) * The "Brotherhood of Darkness" section is nine paragraphs long. You may want to combine a few, or create a new section under which some can fall. Your call.
 * 6) **I've pulled a few together - Kas'im's recruitment to the Brotherhood and how he trained apprentices, Bane's approach and training, and the events that occured during Kas'im's brief time on Ruusan.
 * 7) ***Good job on the condensation, but I would still break it into two sections. It just looks abnormally long as it is.
 * 8) * In the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, you say, "The students were each given training sabers that secreted a non-fatal venom when they struck an opponent, resulting in the wielder feeling extreme pain but would recover." The weapon didn't secrete the poison&hellip;
 * 9) **Damn. I meant to alter the references to the training sabers before placing my edit. It should read much better now.
 * 10) * With that said, there is more to be described about the effects of the Sith training saber, such as the sensation caused by the "venom" was supposed to simulate what?
 * 11) **see above ;)
 * 12) * Same section/paragraph, you use non-fatal twice consecutively.
 * 13) **Thanks to the ealier edit for the training sabers, this is now removed.
 * 14) * Same section/paragraph, you introduce Sirak, but only as the apprentice allowed to use the double-bladed saber. Give a little more context as to who Sirak was, with regards to the school.
 * 15) **Didn't want to go off on too much of a tangent about someone other than Kas'im. Expanded per request.
 * 16) ***You got that.
 * 17) * Same section, next paragraph, you say, "Bane, sensing this lack of favor, challenged the strongest apprentice at the Academy, Sirak, in a bid to regain his standing. His rapid and abrupt defeat only confirmed Qordis' views to Kas'im." The bit about Sirak being the strongest apprentice should be made at his first mention.
 * 18) **Changed.
 * 19) * For the objection above, you go from talking about Bane challenging Sirak immediately to his "rapid and abrupt" defeat. Just a sentence is necessary in between those, regarding how Bane was rapidly defeated.
 * 20) **Added.
 * 21) ***Very good.
 * 22) * Also, I think that "Dark Lord" should be used in place of "Sith Lord", especially since the book referred to them specifically as Dark Lords most often. (Minor)
 * 23) **'Dark Lord' is referenced to many Sith when used by Kas'im, not just those in the Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 24) ***I changed this already, no worries.
 * 25) * You reference the "Army of Light" in the seventh paragraph of the "Brotherhood of Darkness" section, yet you offer no explanation as to whose command they were under.
 * 26) **I've expanded this part. Please see if you think it need more.
 * 27) ***I cleaned it up a bit, so it should read better now.
 * 28) * On that note, I think that the "Army of Light" should be first referenced when you first speak of Lord Hoth. This is who the Brotherhood was fighting with, after all.
 * 29) **I though it was there. I only mention Hoth at the above point and in the intro.
 * 30) ***My fault.
 * 31) * Early in the "Death" section, you say, "But Bane now held no respect for Kaan or the Brotherhood, believing his Rule of Two would restore the Sith to glory through secrecy and cunning." This needs to be first reworded, so that it doesn't begin with "but", and Bane's idea of the Rule of Two should be touched on a tad more.
 * 32) **Sentence adapted to include a brief description of the RoT.
 * 33) * "Death" section needs a new heading. Something less lackluster.
 * 34) ** It's now entitled "The Final Duel". I felt that was more appropriate.
 * 35) * Last sentence of "Death" section, you say, "However, he was unable to shield the stone arch surrounding him, and Kas'im was crushed beneath the stone." What happened to the stone that caused it to fall on Kas'im?
 * 36) **Altered to read: However, the power Bane unleashed covered so great an area that it shook the entire temple and smashed the archway surrounding Kas'im, who was crushed beneath the stone.
 * 37) * Finish with these, and we will go through more. Very good, Xadún. Kinda reminds me of the beginning of this comic. Lets see how you do;) —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) **Thanks for reviewing! Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 19:55, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 40) * Is "Leader of the Brotherhood" a proper noun? (Intro)
 * 41) **Hmm. not how I left that. Altered.
 * 42) ***Still there, actually.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Bah. missed it. is definately gone now.
 * 44) * "led by the Jedi Master and Lord: Hoth." Reword this. (Intro)
 * 45) **And that's different too. Altered.
 * 46) * the Master and student fought a vicious duel, in which Kas'im was subsequently killed." Reword this as well; also, check your capitalization of "Master". Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sith Master is capitalized . . . ."master" is not. Also, check on canonical use of Blademaster. I'm pretty sure Blademaster Kas'im would be capitalized but not Blademaster by itself.
 * 47) **Capitalized Blademaster is canon as it is a title. I have been told that Master is likewise.
 * 48) ***Fair enough; but the wording is still a little off on the sentence. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Now reads "After an intense confrontation where Bane bluntly refused to rejoin the Brotherhood, the Master and student fought a vicious duel that resulted in the death of Kas'im."
 * 50) * "The Twi'lek set about training every apprentice with the lightsaber," Reword this please.
 * 51) ** Now reads "The Twi'lek undertook the task of training every apprentice with the lightsaber".
 * 52) * Context on Githany.
 * 53) **Added.
 * 54) ***I've noticed this is unstruck - would you like more?
 * 55) ****No, it's fine. I just missed striking it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:32, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Bane became enraged, thrusting out with the Force, repelling his opponent mid-leap, and proceeded to throttle the Makurth with the Force, until he died." Restructure this please. The multiple clauses don't read well-the wording is fine, but the structure isn't.
 * 57) **I've broken this sentence down.
 * 58) * "knowing that Qordis would not allow the failed apprentice into favor again. " Same here; this isn't very clear.
 * 59) **Now reads "The Twi'lek was highly sceptical of Bane's intentions, but used the excuse of Qordis’ orders to initially refuse the plea.".
 * 60) ***Much better, but expect someone to go back over this and change all the Anglo spellings (i.e. sceptical --> skeptical and duelling --> dueling).
 * 61) ****Curses. Every time I adapt to one American spelling, I discover new ones! Thank you for alterering these.
 * 62) * "His warrior nature and hunter's instincts, that had been controllable while far from the war, began to take over Kas'im's senses, and training and sparring with the other Sith did little to curb his aggression. Kaan began to feel that Kas'im's nature made him unpredictable, and could inspire others to act on their discontent, resulting in an insurgence against him." Reword these two. In particular, "that had been controllable" needs some touch-up, and "insurgence" is not a great word choice.
 * 63) **Has become "Kaan began to fear that the agitation Kas'im was feeling could spread, causing a rebellion within the Sith and the Brotherhood would dissolve through the in-fighting that would ensue."
 * 64) * I think the article before the duel could be touched up; I seem to recall Kas'im having more dialogue with Bane than what's depicted in the article.
 * 65) **The pair actually say very little before fighting - Kas'im knows Bane's stubbornness means he will not be swayed to rejoin the Brotherhood. But I've expanded it a little more, such as i could.
 * 66) * " the power Bane unleashed covered so great an area that it shook the entire temple and smashed the archway surrounding Kas'im, who was crushed beneath the stone." Some flowery prose here.
 * 67) **Simplified.
 * 68) * "Kas'im had trained Bane, the apprentice who would proclaim himself Darth Bane and eradicate the Brotherhood of Darkness and re-model the Sith under the Rule of Two." Reword this please; the tense is awkward and Bane had already proclaimed himself "Darth Bane" as this point.
 * 69) **Altered.
 * 70) * "sparring with others did little to slake his bloodlust, such was his desire to feel real challenges to his skill." Some flowery prose here.
 * 71) **Simplified.
 * 72) * "convinced in the hierarchal structure of the Brotherhood," This is somewhat contradictory with the equality principle. Please clarify.
 * 73) **Poor description on my part. Now reads "He was convinced in the “united” structure of the Brotherhood, but recognised the necessity of leaders within the Academy, saying it "avoided complications" if the other masters on Korriban deferred to Qordis, who in turn responded to Kaan."
 * 74) * "Kas'im's greatest skill was his unparalleled swordsmanship." POV/OR.
 * 75) ** Now reads "Kas'im's strongest skill was his swordsmanship with the lightsaber."
 * 76) * "but because of the unfamiliar nature it possessed against an opponent as he once" Reword; doesn't read well.
 * 77) ** Sentence ended at "opponent" and cut rest of sentence.
 * 78) * "Kas'im's level of proficiency in lightsaber combat so high that he is often considered the greatest swordsman of his age, and possibly one of the greatest ever to have lived." Number of issues with this; tense, awkward wording, POV
 * 79) *Tense and wording corrected. But he is canonically described in Path of Destruction as being "possibly the greatest swordesman ever".
 * 80) * Second sentence in BtS is OR unless sourced. I mean, did Karpyshyn say that was his purpose in introducing Kas'im? Ditto with the third sentence, which also has tense problems.
 * 81) **Both sentences removed.
 * 82) * "His lightsaber itself was a unique construction like all lightsabers, but was able to be disconnected in the centre, changing a formally double-bladed lightsaber into a pair of single blades." Wording issues, and it's center in American English.
 * 83) **Altered and Americanized for your reading pleasure!!
 * 84) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:24, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Nice use of the word "throttle". —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Gorgon

 * Nominated by: --Director of Project Ambition Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 14:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:
 * "Nothing larger than a Star Galleon, but it's a start."--Gilad Pellaeon
 * "We're going to need more than just a start, Captain."--Grand Admiral Thrawn

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:40, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:20, 16 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) No BtS. I'm seeing an awful lot of sentences starting with "the Gorgon" in the first few paragraphs. Also, I would've though there'd be at least info -- probably stats -- in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook. Succession box is unsourced. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:10, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *BTS created and sourced. Succession box sourced. Also, the Gorgon is its name, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see the article's name at the beginning of the first paragraphs too. I don't have the Jedi Academy Sourcebook so I can't verify whether or not there are any stats.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **It did kinda occur to me that "the Gorgon" is its name; but, if you were to look on other articles, you'd see that the first sentences of the main body don't practically all start with the same thing. Jedi Academy sourcebook objection still stands; you really shouldn't nominate articles which have such a major source that hasn't been checked. Also, "Return to the Maw and death" is kind of a strange title since it's can't and doesn't die. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:53, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Perhaps "death" is a bit dramatic for a ship. Removed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 10:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****My objections are below, but I thought that I would mention that the JASB has no individual stats for the Gorgon. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *There are less Gorgon mentions in the first few paragraphs. And I suppose that Cavalier One's comments should be taken into account.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Struck most of my objection, but I checked the JAS myself and there's still plenty of info missing there, including a crew size which appears to contradict what is currently in the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:58, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Well, I'm not sure if the JASs canonicty supercedes the novel itself. Besides I don't have it, so unless someone wants to help, your objection might be here a while...-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 10) * Regarding the infobox - are the exact model of weapons correct and attributable to a source? While I normally wouldn't point something like this out on a ship article, bear in mind that it was isolated for over a decade, and may have had earlier model weapons fitted.
 * 11) **Those are the earliest models for an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. There are no earlier models for the time that the Gorgon was constructed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Are you sure the Edict is a Gamma-class shuttle? It's own article says it is of an unknown class.
 * 13) **I can't account for the Edicts article, but it is mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo' (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * In the intro, you mention that the Gorgon was constructed at Kuat. While a reasonable supposition, is there direct evidence it was manufactured there?
 * 15) **Mentioned in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Under Specifications, you mention that The Gorgon was very unusual in that it possessed a complement of starfighters and assault craft that shied away from the standard size of a Star Destroyer's complement. While this may be true for the support craft, the starfighter complement of the vessel is a standard six squadrons. Unless you are refering to the models of starfighters used, which then needs to be made clearer.
 * 17) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * First paragraph of Construction and Deployment is unreffed.
 * 19) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Mention why Doole's fleet was near the Maw when the Gorgon exits for the first time.
 * 21) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * The captain of the corvette that Daala captures is named in the Jedi Academy Sourcebook as T'nun Bdu. This should be linked to.
 * 23) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Explain how Ackbar used the Startide to destroy the Manticore.
 * 25) **Already done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Perhaps I should have been clearer - how did Ackbar gain control of the Startide? Was there any crew on board? I know the answers, but it should be made clear what the state of the Startide was and what Ackbar had to do to make it crash. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Considering Daala didn't know herself, and this isn't about the Startide I think that's straying too far away from the Gorgon's story isn't it?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *****Context is important, and whether or not Daala knew what had happened is irrelevant since this is an encyclopaedic article written from a neutral point of view. A small reference to how Ackbar used remote control to take command of the half-completed vessel and direct it towards the Star Destroyer is not a lot to add, really. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ******Hmm, I suppose not; I guess I simply assumed that if you were willing to make an objection over it, you would want something more substantial (which would distract from both Daala and, essentially, the Gorgon's story). Anyway, done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 22:33, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * From the Jedi Academy Sourcebook - mention needs to be made that the crew was comprised of individuals with little or no ties to the outside galaxy so they would not be missed. Also, the crews are bored and angry after so long in isolation. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:56, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **It's mentioned in the second History paragraph.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:18, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***No, it isn't. You mention that the Maw installation was isolated from outside contact, but not that the selection of the crew was based on their ties to the outside galaxy. The fact that the crew was bored after ten years in isolation is also not mentioned. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) The succession box says preceded by "none" and cites Jedi Search. Does Jedi Search establish that it was Daala's first flagship, or is it an assumption based on the lack of a previous flagship existing in canon? If it's the latter, please change to "unknown" or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:50, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *It is Daala's first command, so that would mean that it was her first ship. Plus, she had been a weather woman and cook for like five years. It's all in Jedi Search.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 00:08, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One, second run
 * 37) * Just a little thing I missed first time around - the identities of the prisoners (Solo, Chewie and Kyp) should be revealed when they were first brought aboard the Gorgon, as well as the fact that they had escaped from Kessel. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 11:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 40) * (Intro) Seeming contradiction-how can Gorgon be one of the best ISDs in the fleet if they haven't had contact with other people for ten years?
 * 41) **Lack of contact has no bearing on the quality of a ship's condition.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) ***Then you need to state that that description is someone's opinion instead of explicit fact. That's POV and/or Original Research. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) *This is somewhat nitpicking, but you can't say for sure that they were XX-9s if you're reffing from Jedi Search. That's original research.
 * 45) **Only the numbers are from Jedi Search. I assumed there was a consistency among Star Destroyer weapon models. I've removed the exact types of weapons.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * I'd like a reference to a standard Star Destroyer's configuration. Is that ISD-I or ISD-II?
 * 47) **Um, I'm not sure what your asking for, but the Gorgon is an ISD-I.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***You'll need a reference to what a "standard config" is, unless it's stated in Jedi Search what the standard config is, or that Gorgon is at less than standard config. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ****I apologize, I thought I had already reffed that section, hence the confusion. Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * Jedi Search indicates that Gorgon has less than a standard crew at some point during the Maw Installation; you can't say it has 45,000 crew if you're reffing from Jedi Search. It's said to have a skeleton crew.
 * 51) **I hardly call 45,000 a skeleton crew.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ***If you look closely at Jedi Search, Daala says the normal complement of crew on an ISD was 45,000. In the very next sentence, she states that the Gorgon is running at less than full complement. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) ****Well then the book contradicts itself, because earlier Daala remarks that between her four ISDs, she has 180,000 men at her command. That seems standard to me.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) *****In that case, a BTS note should be made of the contradiction. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) ******Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * What is a "ragged shuttle"? Reword.
 * 57) **A ragged shuttle is one that is torn up; severely damaged, etc.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) ***Find me one direct quote from canon that uses that adjective for that purpose and I will strike this. Otherwise, reword it please, because ships don't come in "ragged" condition. Metal can't be "ragged".  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * "Dumbstruck by the news, Daala decided that since Tarkin was dead, his mandate thus nullified, the only thing she could do would be to fight her own guerilla war against the New Republic." Run-on.
 * 60) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * "seemingly fool-proof" is a little POVish. Reword please.
 * 62) **In the book they use even more severe modifiers. Seemingly fool-proof is nothing compared to "invincible", etc. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like those either. And it did seem fool-proof to Daala, and everyone else. I'm just stating facts, it's not POV.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) ***Then state that Daala considered it fool-proof, not that it was fool-proof. That's the difference between POV and NPOV. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) ****Oops. Disregard my last comment, I thought you were referring to the Sun Crusher. It's fixed now.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) * I know this isn't your fault, but there's some confusion with Mon Calamari vs. Dac.
 * 66) **So...what do you want me to do?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Pipelinking is the easiest fix IMO. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Wait, do you want me to replace all mentions of Dac with Mon Calamari?-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) *****As far as I'm concerned, simply being consistent and picking one will work. I don't want to see both "Dac" and "Mon Calamari" (in reference to the planet), though. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) ******Both mentions of Mon Calamari are reffering to the species. First to the cities ("the floating cities of the Mon Calamari") and then to the code Ackbar uses to take control of the Startide ("using a Mon Calamari code"). Everything is consistent.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) * Spell out New Republic Defense Force and Mon Calamari.
 * 72) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * "Her first real defeat" . . . eh, Daala regarded the loss of the Hydra as a defeat as well IIRC.
 * 74) **Hence first real defeat as opposed to first defeat.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) ***In that case, what is a "real" defeat? How is her first defeat not a "real defeat"? Regardless of how you define it, it's still confusing and needs reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) ****I changed "real" to "major". I hope that's acceptable.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 21:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) * "and the Durron had already set up a supernova in the nebula." Reword.
 * 78) **Done.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) * "to make an emergency hyperspace jump to any point." Reword; the last part is a bit vague.
 * 80) **Vagueness excised.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) * "But it was too late, as the burst of energy radiated out from the supernova explosion the Gorgon barely made it out of the nebula, while the Basilisk was not so lucky, and was incinerated." Reword, stilted wording.
 * 82) **Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) * "and that too many good men had died because of her selfish actions." POV.
 * 84) **Daala's own words.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 15:27, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) ***Which are explicitly POV. This needs reworded; you can say it's from Daala's POV, but you cannot say that people were "good men" explicitly. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Fixed.-- Mitth'raw'nuruodo (Imperial HoloNet)[[Image:Imperial_Emblem.svg|20px]] 18:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:33, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Mezhan Kwaad
Okay so I lied. I've nominated another character. I was keeping her in reserve until the character noms died down a bit, but as AdmirableAckbar said, the more potential FAs the better!
 * Nominated by: --Harrar 21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good show, Harrar. I will be watching your career with great interest&hellip; —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Please eliminate any overlinking.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Decapitation is a specific move when performed by a lightsaber. Please link to the appropriate article.
 * 5) **Done so in both cases. The only reason I didn't at first was cos it was a telekinetic decapitation, but you are the lightsaber duel guru ;)
 * 6) * You have instances where you capitalize "Supreme Overlord" and instances where you don't. Please go throughout the article and make sure every instance is capitalized.
 * 7) **Okay, this is how I see it, and I thought this was policy. A rank is capitalized only when you give someone their full title, as in: "Grand Admiral Thrawn". It isn't capitalized if I were to write, "Thrawn, a grand admiral". Therefore I'd say "Supreme Overlord Shimrra Jamaane", but not, "the Supreme Overlord, Shimrra Jamaane". Likewise "Adept Nen Yim" but not, "an Adept, Nen Yim"
 * 8) ***You are correct. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Just to point out, "Grand Admiral" is the one rank that is always capitalized, IIRC, for some reason. Probably because they're all so awesome. :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:07, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * I believe the same goes for "Master Shaper".
 * 11) **See above. I think we need clarification on this if there's confusion. Until now that's how I've been writing articles.
 * 12) ***I'm fine with that. I'll get clarification later, but it's no reason to hold up the nom. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * To touch further on "Master Shaper", when referring to someone in this capacity as the Master of another, the word "Master" should be capitalized.
 * 14) **It isn't in the text though, which makes me hesistant as to whether the same rules apply with Jedi/Sith and with Yuuzhan Vong. Can we get clarification on this?
 * 15) ***The text supercedes my opinion. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * You introduce the Koros-strohna with no context as to what it is. "To aid her in her endeavor, Kwaad chose a shaper initiate from Baanu Kor, called Nen Yim, who had made an inspired choice of protocol to preserve the endocrine cloister on the ancient Koros-strohna." Please remedy.
 * 17) **Added a "worldship" detail. "Kwaad chose a shaper initiate from the worldship Baanu Kor, called Nen Yim, who had made an inspired choice of protocol to preserve the endocrine cloister on the ancient vessel.
 * 18) * Words like "practised", "realised", etc. should be spelled to conform with American English.
 * 19) **I hear you on realized, and I've corrected those instances, but there are separate spellings for separate meanings of practice/practise. One would practice lightsaber technique or blaster accuracy, but one would practise heresy, as in one would carry out heresy.
 * 20) * "Jedi Veila" section. You say, "Once Commander Vootuh's forces had entered into a standoff with those of Karrde, the landing was prosecuted and the shapers were allowed to set foot on Yavin 4's jungle surface." What are you saying? Who was prosecuted?
 * 21) **"To prosecute" can also mean to carry out, as in one can "prosecute an aggressive war" or "prosecute a guerrilla campaign". If you think its too foreign I can excise it. Thoughts? If it comes across as pretentious, bear in mind I'm only trying to vary vocab.
 * 22) ***Heh, not too foreign at all. In fact, I enjoy the variety. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:54, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * Same section. What is an "ol-villip"? Does it have an article? —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:42, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) **Pipelinked straight to villip, referred to as a device. Thanks for the review Tommy, and I hope we can work out the uncertainties. Harrar 10:25, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 26) * Ref your era in the infobox please.
 * 27) **Done
 * 28) * "Kwaad remained with her adept and assured her of the change" Clarify the change here please.
 * 29) **I re-worded it because it read poorly. It now says "When the shaper hand had been attached, Kwaad remained with her adept to give advice and re-assurance."
 * 30) * "crucial juncture" is a hair of POV.
 * 31) **Excised. Now reads "thus isolating her while Phaath's investigation took place."
 * 32) *Your SW.com links don't work. If nothing else, you may need to look for cached data or use the Wayback machine since the redesign. I recommend that you also save that webpage for future reference.
 * 33) **I only started using the site on reading Eyrezer's tutorial and using the "site:www.starwars.com *insert term here*" function. I'm not very familiar with the site, and was unaware of any redesign. I'll get back to you on this tomorrow.
 * 34) * I'm not sure protagonist is a good way of wording that in BtS. Reword, or clarify. I'm not sure.
 * 35) **Went with character instead, it was originally villain but that didn't work either.
 * 36) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:00, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) **And the same to you.Harrar 16:46, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Pictures, as you may have noticed, are not my forté by any stretch of the imagination. Any help in tidying/cropping these if it's deemed necessary would be greatly appreciated.Harrar 21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I uploaded a new version of the main image with part of the head filled back in. I got the original piece from here, which you might want to check out, because it has an interesting note about the skin color on the final cover that you might want to include in the BTS. -- Ozzel 05:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Tiss'shar

 * Nominated by: jSarek 08:41, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Operation Clever Girl concludes its initial phases of operation to bring you this article. Hydro, Fourdot, I told you I'd get around to this someday. :-p jSarek 08:41, 5 July 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good lord man. Where have you been? :P Thefourdotelipsis 00:05, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Very well done.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:12, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Wow Enochf 18:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Michael Crichton would be proud.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:38, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Excellent work. There's just one problem I have, and that's with the intro. I think it could stand to be beefed up just a tad. Thefourdotelipsis 00:12, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Given my dislike for long intros, I probably should have known I wasn't making it beefy enough. See if the new version is sufficiently enhanced. jSarek 13:35, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "They were strong, dexterous, and intelligent," POVishness here. If you could reword it, it'd be great.
 * 3) **Added a "comparatively."
 * 4) * "They were strong and agile," Still some POV.
 * 5) **Added a "relatively."
 * 6) * "Tiss'sharl protection" Clarify what this means if possible.
 * 7) **All Rotramel says about the matter before being cut off is "I've been authorized to make a new offer. We'll set up a base here. We can protect Tiss'sharl against the Empire—".  Having already mentioned the base, I don't think there's any further clarification to be had.
 * 8) * Can you give a specific year for Darth Vader's visits?
 * 9) **The final visit occurs approximately 8 months after the Battle of Yavin; the comic notes that "This made Vader's third visit in a year." Given the ambiguity of the statement and of Star Wars months in general, the other visits can't be more precisely dated.
 * 10) * "giving it a violent-looking aesthetic" POV.
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * "all met unfortunate ends" Flowery prose/POV.
 * 13) **Reworded.
 * 14) * See about combining some paragraphs in History please.
 * 15) **Combined the first two. I think the rest come at fairly natural breaks in the prose.
 * 16) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:12, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) **Thank ye. I hope the adjustments are suitable. jSarek 17:06, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

TIE Phantom

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:18, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No ship that small has a cloaking device.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Welcome to the opening performance of The Phantom of the TIE Opera!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:52, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Sweet lord this was a good read! Harrar 16:49, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 06:09, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) GT's noms generally make me happy.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:02, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:24, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Clean as a whistle, and an informative, interesting read. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:25, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Given the length of the article, could it be possible to flesh out the intro just a bit more?-- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:42, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 3) * Multiple sources indicate the Alliance did not win at Hoth. Please correct. (intro)
 * 4) **The Rebels were the guy in black and the wrinkly old dude right? ;) Fixed. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:57, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * "along with the necessary controls." Little more context/detail at the end would be lovely just for readibility's sake.
 * 6) **Reworded slightly. But I can't really elaborate on the controls since we don't actually get to see them. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:57, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) *" The technology in the TIE Phantom could have proved a threat" Reword this so it's not so POVish . . something like it was considered a threat would be better.
 * 8) **Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:57, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Link to starfighter combat somewhere in there.
 * 10) **Already linked. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:57, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "Batch's low profile, resulting from his reluctance to engage in Imperial Court politics, made him an ideal candidate to lead the secret development project." Reword this, a bit of POV here as well.
 * 12) **Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:57, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * You'll need a link/article for beam focusers.
 * 14) **Redlinked. Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:57, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *Nice topic, nice article overall. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:00, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) Toprawa:
 * 17) *I'd like to see this sentence reworded a little, for a few reasons. It starts off with identical wording to the preceding sentence, and the dual use "facility...facility" and "factory...factory" becomes a bit redundant to read: "When Murleen realized how many more of the fighters were inside the facility, she took the stolen fighter into the facility and the Rebels destroyed its reactor core as well, destroying the factory, along with the remaining TIE Phantoms.
 * 18) *Can we get a brief description for what this project involved? "the hibridium technology that preceded it continued to be developed as part of the Vorknkx Project" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:22, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Otherwise, excellent. Reading your noms is always a painless and enjoyable endeavor. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:22, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Demetrius Zaarin

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:21, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Finally got around to finishing it. Don't click the links if you don't want to be disappointed.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 2) * Sparring with the alien Grand Admiral: First paragraph had the Rahmat destroyed twice. Should the second be the Strident?
 * 3) **Not sure that the Stridents destruction is an objective, so I've just left it as the convoy being captured.
 * 4) * How about another quote in there somewhere? Something from the Strategy Guide maybe. A spoken version of the lead quote wouldn't go amiss either. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:57, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Got another quote in there from the Strategy Guide. I'll try and get the spoken quote later. Thefourdotelipsis 01:57, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Murk Lundi

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:24, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sith wanna be.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good effort.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Did they find him fascinating as a person, or was it the way he taught his subject? Please clarify: "his classes were always full, as students found him fascinating."
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Responsible in what way? "and if any of his students could be responsible for the collection."
 * 5) **I think it's fairly obvious; that they had gathered the objects and possibly left them as a warning to the Jedi. I left it as is because it's hard to change it to what I just stated, but I'll work on it if you feel it's necessary.
 * 6) ***It's been rephrased.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * Is this according to his beliefs? Please clarify: "Lundi replied that the Sith were more powerful, as vengeance and power always trumped peace."
 * 8) **Yes. Added, though I'm not sure it was needed.
 * 9) * "Right before takeoff, a young man tried to get off, screaming for Professor Lundi." Should this be "tried to get aboard"? In subsequent sentences it is said that the man (Norval) was thrown off.
 * 10) **Yes. Silly mistake.
 * 11) * From Locating the Holocron: "In the middle of the night" Is this specified at all? It could mean ship's night or whatever. In any case, it could possibly be reworded as time is kept differently aboard starships.
 * 12) **Changed.
 * 13) * First and third paragraph both begin with "In the middle of the night"; perhaps one could be reworded (if you decide to reword the first instance per the previous objection, then nevermind).
 * 14) **See above.
 * 15) * "Even Lundi's insanity did not save him, though he was clearly mad." This seems a bit repetitious.
 * 16) **Removed the second part of the sentence.
 * 17) * Are any of these crimes specified? If so, please elaborate: "Lundi was ultimately found guilty of numerous crimes and imprisoned."
 * 18) **Added a bit.
 * 19) * These would seem to be the same thing, in this context, no? "He also told them that Norval was not only power-hungry, but greedy."
 * 20) **Rephrased.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:26, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) The BtS mentions about Evil Never Dies retconning the holocron to be Adas's, but the bio doesn't mention this. I also suspect there's more info missing from END. Let me know if you need help accessing END, and I'll see what I can do. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:04, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Added, thanks to your help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks for the reviews.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Celeste Morne

 * Nominated by: Ajeanette 6 July 2008
 * Nomination comments:I managed to receive good article status with plenty of help and guidance and I am ready to take the next step.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) From DC
 * 2) *Eliminate links in her quotes.
 * 3) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 4) *Early Career: Give some context on what a Shadow was.
 * 5) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 6) *Same with the Muur Talisman.
 * 7) *I think it would be a good idea to include the Covenant's vision of Muur.
 * 8) *In Pursuit of the Muur Talisman: Taris: "In the Tarisian Undercity, Celeste came to the aid of Sector Constable Noana Sowrs under attack by rakghouls, deformed, mindless mutants which could transmit a namesake plague through their bites." This sentence is missing some key parts, and as a result, doesn't read right.
 * 9) *"From their conversation." Zayne and Celeste had a conversation? Transition that better from the sentence before that to the given sentence so its understandable.
 * 10) *Give a bit more context on who Gryph was.
 * 11) *Jebble: "In the process, they discovered that Jebble was not just a local war forge or training center, but a staging area for invasion, and all of the Mandalorian recruits from the Outer Rim present were about to become infected by the disease," is a major run-on. Please fix this.
 * 12) *Sending out Communication: Give some context about who Cassus Fett was.
 * 13) *What happened to Pulsipher?
 * 14) *Possession: "Celeste became enraged at the duo for questioning her devotion to the Draay family and the Covenant and turned on them," is another run-on.
 * 15) *Give context on Crys Taanzer as well.
 * 16) *Oh come on, there is a lot more you could write with the P&A and P&T. There is nothing from the Dark Times comics in there, and she has been featured prominently in six issues.
 * 17) *Also, you could expand on what has been said of Vector 7. She engaged Skywalker in a duel, and was fully controlled by the Muur Talisman at this time.
 * 18) **I added a little bit, but I think it would be a good idea to hold off on most of this for now. I took the summaries and previews for their word as to how the Talisman has affected her by Vector 7 and although the cover shows a duel between her and Skywalker, from experience, covers can, at times, be deceiving. As soon as I am sure I will update, but if you feel otherwise please let me know why. Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 19) *And seriously, the other side? I would fix this myself, but I think it would be a good idea for you to fix this. Change it to the Rebellion.
 * 20) **Addressed Ajeanette 17 July 2008
 * 21) *This article isn't bad, but there is a lot of missing context, and a tad bit of missing info. Some sentences transitioned badly as well, so it would be a good idea to run this through another copyedit. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I think you should wait until Vector's completion before making this a FA. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 21:16, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, there have been some articles that have been made into FA's while the article still had planned appearances. DC 01:36, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Krudar

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 11:33, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And the DarkStryder bandwagon keeps on rolling! 1,415 words.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job, Cav.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 04:16, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:46, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * I feel like some more could be added to the P/T. In a way, the bio itself serves a very detailed P/T section. A lot of that could be glossed over again, particularly the biochemical agent that caused him to become surly, how he would fight with his friend, etc.
 * 3) **Expanded.
 * 4) * It may also be pertinent to mention that the FarStar is destroyed at the Battle of Kathol, which would leave open but not assert the possibility that he died, which would then supplement the BTS bit detailing this possibility. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:21, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Added. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 13:21, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Grass clippings:
 * 7) *"Serving on the FarStar throughout its mission into the Kathol sector, Krudar's surly and temperamental attitude did little to endear him to the rest of the crew." – Please reword, minding verb-subject agreement.
 * 8) *Not so keen on this sentence: "Although Krudar appeared to be a typical Duros, he was actually the opposite." It seems POV, speculative in nature.
 * 9) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:05, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Haninum Tyk Rhinann

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sing out if it gets confusing. :S

(2 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. Just finished the book myself; looks like you have all the info in there. Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 12:18, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:05, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I love how you use the ANH novel to ref Vader's Dark Lordiness so that you can ref the rest of the article; I did the same thing on Dhol. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:09, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
 * 2) * Information would be spread throughout the underground that claimed that the droid possessed information vital to the Whiplash resistance movement, and Vader was able to make sure that the information made its way to Jedi Master Even Piell, who was Pavan's former master. You use information three times in this sentence - is there any alternatives you can use to avoid repetition?
 * 3) **Used "data" for the middle one.
 * 4) * The fight was taking outside the resiblock named the "Coruscant Arms," I think you're missing a word in the sentence. Also, I thought the fight took place inside the building?
 * 5) **It was meant to be "a resiblock." As for the location, the way I'm reading it, Nick engages the stormtroopers as they prepare to enter the building...I could be reading it wrong, though.
 * 6) * A little context on who Captain Tanna is would be appreciated. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:39, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Given what little there is. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the underwater moffship of AdmirableAckbar:
 * 9) * No quotes at all? Presumably you just forgot this bit, as I've done many times before. :-) Even though most of the good lines about him are internal thoughts, you should be able to come up with some decent quotes.
 * 10) **Yes...forgot... They're in there now.
 * 11) * Could we get a mention of his dislike for the Eloms in the P&T or bio, somewhere?
 * 12) **Gotcha.
 * 13) * Could we also get a mention of how afraid he was of Vader in the bio?; it definitely seems relevant.
 * 14) **Added.
 * 15) * Do we have any idea what duties Rhinann carried out as Vader's aide before JT? I can't remember, so if there isn't, my apologies.
 * 16) **There's nothing specific, no.
 * 17) * This isn't an objection per se, but most of the sentences in the intro seem slightly short; do you think you could merge some? If you've reasons not to, please let me know.
 * 18) **To me, they don't seem particularly short, but if there are any specific ones that you think don't read well, I'd be more than happy to oblige.
 * 19) ***Looks fine.
 * 20) * The word "then" is heavily overused in the latter part of the second paragraph of the bio.
 * 21) **I've pared it down a bit, let me know if it needs more.
 * 22) * "Rhinann was fascinated by the Force, and his interest was one of his key reasons for accepting the job of Vader's aide, even though the alternative was slavery." Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but it seems to imply that a life of slavery would be a positive one.
 * 23) **Ah, yes. I know what I mean, but it's not very clear. :P I've tried to clarify that a bit.
 * 24) ***Ah, I understand what you were saying now. It's much clearer now.
 * 25) * First two sentences of the second paragraph of the P&T are very similar in structure, with two "even though"s. Please alter one.
 * 26) **I've changed the first to "although" but the structure is still the same...do you want me to completely overhaul the second sentence?
 * 27) ***Nah, it's fine.
 * 28) * Could the BtS be expanded a bit? You could say that he was something of an antagonist, and that it was through his POV that Vader was dealt with, and that his joining the good guys opens up the possibility for him to appear in later Coruscant Nights installments.
 * 29) **I've given it another sentence, but I feel the rest might be a bit too...speculatory.
 * 30) **Very good article, though I think a decent copyedit would do a lot of it. Interesting character, to boot. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:02, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 03:16, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * The entire thing is just Coruscant Nights I: Jedi Twilight spoilers. Thefourdotelipsis 10:51, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Binding Ceremony of Oron Kira and Galia

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 19:24, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:I couldn't help but hum this as I was writing this article...

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) Intro is way too short. Also, nothing from Kotor II and the seven sources listed? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:37, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *A careless oversight on my part. Discussed with you via IRC, and addressed. #*Addressed the missing KOTOR 2 info with Sir Goodwood.


 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Is Binding Ceremony capitalized?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *"accepted the hand of Oron, of" What about the rest of him? :-P Clarify.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Holy matrimony? Reword. Wookieepedia is not romantic, darnit. (infobox)
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) *"Into the wilderness of Onderon went Tott Doneeta," Reword.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) *I would reorganize this article somewhat. I'd make a ==Prelude== section, then ===Raid on the Palace===, ===Jedi rescue attempt===, then ==Ceremony==, ==Wedding Banquet== and then the ==Legacy section==. I think that's the best way to handle it, but feel free to discuss the issue in IRC or other means. I'm open to suggestion.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) *Incomplete list. I will get back to this. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:20, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the prelims, & I'm ready for the rest when you are. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 19:24, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Open to suggestions, critiques, as always. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 19:24, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Is it a conjectural name, or is it referred to as the "Wedding of Oron Kira and Princess Galia" in the comic/audio drama? If it is a conjectural name, it should be moved to remove the "Princess." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:37, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Yeah, it was actually called the "Binding Ceremony of...", in the audio drama. The article has been moved to reflect this. Thank you for looking, Ackbar, pleasure doing business with you. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 22:38, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Also, kudos to Sir Goodwood for adding the KOTOR 2 info. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 22:38, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Jozzel Moffet

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:15, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Buy one Yavin Vassilika FAN&hellip;

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Moff Ozzel!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:49, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Could you expand the intro please? Given the length and quality of the article, it really should be a lot longer. DC 03:21, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 12:34, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Sardu Sallowe

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:15, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: &hellip;get one free.

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 * 1) Objections addressed via IRC. Despite the horrible continuity errors surrounding the HST created by Underworld, I can't help but like the comic, and this character in particular. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:17, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

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Comments
 * Even though I fixed it, I can't help but laugh at you for the line "raised among his people in the harsh desserts of his homeworld" -- you haven't met Melvin Fett, by any chance, have you, GT? :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:20, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Just making sure you were paying attention. :P Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:43, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Max (bunny)

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 08:27, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: You deserve this.

(6 Inqs/5 Users/11 Total)
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 * 1) YES... YES... GOD YES... MORE... MORE!! OH GOD DON'T STOP...  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 12:45, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) You're such an adorable urchin, Max. Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:16, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Why have I never seen this guy in these games?! Toprawa and Ralltiir 14:56, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. Yes. Yes.  Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing  ( You're all clear kid! )( Now let's blow this thing and go home! ) 15:25, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Demented lagomorph on the front page. YES. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:40, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:39, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) This is like, the best thing ever!!! DC 16:33, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Yea! -BaronGrackle 16:32, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 22:04, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) Oh dear god YES. 17:23, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) How can I not support.  Madclaw Shyriiwook! 17:32, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * I would be interested to know what these actions were that nearly destroyed the space station. Can we expound on this any? "and when Max was pursuing Derrida on Kwenn Space Station, his actions, combined with those of ally Katarn, nearly razed the installation."
 * 3) **GT showed me the quote where this came from. Nixed. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:42, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * A few things concerning his species. He is categorized under "Unidentified species," when this article identifies him as a bunny. Should this category not be removed? Also, the BTS claims that he is a lagomorph. I don't understand why he is not identified as such in the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Damn. I always forget the categories. Fixed. As for the lagomorph thing, that's relevant to the bunny article, not Max.
 * 6) * For that matter, I don't understand the reasoning behind categorizing him under "Police" and "Sulonese" either. The latter would imply his being a native of the moon, when I wouldn't go so far to assume that. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Per above. Thefourdotelipsis 00:51, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) The first few sentences in the Bio are very choppy and don't transition well. Could you fix this please? DC 01:41, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *I've merged two of the sentences, hopefully it reads better now. Thefourdotelipsis 06:39, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) **Yep. Much better now. DC 16:21, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * As per discussions on Talk:Bunny, I think we need to change the Bunny article back to unknown lagomorph species or merge it with rabbit. Consequently, I feel Max should go back to "Max (lagomorph)", especially since (1) I'm not sure what the canon status of game strategy guides are, whether Sam is canon, and (2) in our world, "bunny" is synonymous with "rabbit", and there's no indication that Sam's quotation is meant to be different. If there aren't contrary comments on the talk page by then, I'll probably move the article to Max (lagomorph) tonight and we'll figure out the Bunny article later. -BaronGrackle 16:32, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Others seem to like Max's species specifications as they are, so I won't be the only one to quibble over "bunny". -BaronGrackle 17:18, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Pretty much all BtS, but it works. EXCELLENT job, 4dot. 17:23, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Groznik

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 02:19, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hey all. Back from another of my famous little months-long hiatuses. (LOTS more nominations than last time I was here! Wow!) I plan on adding a few more pictures to this when and if my scanner gets better, but for now, here it is...

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Y'bith

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:16, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another WTS nom.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:31, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Cantina of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "eventually inadvertently". Please rephrase this.
 * 3) **Axed the "eventually"
 * 4) * You use "while" and "claim" in consecutive sentences in History. Minor things, but they disrupt the flow.
 * 5) **I've got rid of the second "while," but since the second claim is "claimed," I don't think it's quite as jarring...but if you still think it needs tweaking, I'm more than happy to oblige.
 * 6) *Very nice overall.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:01, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks. Thefourdotelipsis 06:49, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kalyn Farnmir

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:49, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And another one. This one's a GA that I just beefed up a tad.

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Myhr Rho

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:51, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More, more, more.

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Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:31, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) One thing:
 * 2) * "which inspired Rho and the other patrons to depart." This gives the impression that they left because she had a bad voice (that's what I got from it, at least). While I've never seen the Holiday Special, I don't think that's what happened, so a change in wording would be helpful. Please tell me if I'm mistaken.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:06, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Reworded. :P Thefourdotelipsis 06:52, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * One screen capture from Yoda Stories would be appreciated.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:53, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Drigor Tarrens

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 12:34, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: DarkStryder? Never heard of it ...

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Andoorni Hui

 * Nominated by: Colinmcev 07:05, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Expected this to be a Good Article nomination, but damned if it didn't turn out to be over 1,000 words. I think it's pretty good considering the lack of material for the character...

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 * 1) Needs a P&T, even if it's only a rehashing of the hunter stuff mentioned in the bio. Also, I'm not sure the custom figure info merits inclusion. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:29, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Whoops, completely forgot the P&T. I added it. I also removed the custom figure stuff and just made it an external link; I thought it was funny, but you're right, it's not really appropriate for the entry. Colinmcev 14:03, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From DC
 * 4) * Expand the intro.
 * 5) **Expanded it a bit. --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Oh, and now that you expanded it, there's two POV issues in there. "performed admirably" and "nearly killed." DC 17:04, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * The first quote in the Bio seems messy. Make sure you included everything in it, including quotations and such, and check the formatting of it.
 * 8) **That's the quote; "Rogue Squadron" is a clause thrown into the middle of the sentence. --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***It was a different quote, but I fixed it anyway. DC 17:04, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Her first name, one of the more common among Rodian females, means "adventurous" or, more literally, "heedless of danger," might fit better in the BTS with some tweaking.
 * 11) **I think it belongs where it is. Putting it into the BTS would be more appropriate if I was discussing how the author chose the name (like in my other FA nomination, Groznik), but in this case we're talking about the commonality of the name within the Star Wars universe. Know what I mean? --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Heh. I'll see what others think of it, but for now, I'll strike the objection.
 * 13) * How did Hui and Lujayne Forge become friends?
 * 14) **Basically just by rooming together. I added that. --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * First you say Devlia is an admiral, then later in the section, you say she's a general. Which is it?
 * 16) **Whoops, I accidentally gave Devlia a promotion! lol. It's admiral, I fixed it.
 * 17) * I noticed that the quote at the beginning of the Death section has the same problem.
 * 18) **That's the right quote. It was chatter during the battle, so I mentioned that in the quote attribution to try to give it some context. --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ***I don't think you noticed the problem I was talking about, but I fixed it anyway.
 * 20) * Does Hui do anything else in the First Battle of Borleias besides getting killed?
 * 21) **Frankly...no. lol, I did what I could with a pretty limited character. --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * Why do Rodians join the Galactic Empire over the New Republic. The article seems to be heavy on this topic, yet no explanation is given.
 * 23) **I base this on a quote from the book itself by Rhysati Ynr about Andoorni Hui: "What about Andoorni Hui? She's a Rodian and most of them tend to work with the Empire. Did she do something to anger her old employers?" In the Rodian entry, there's this mention: "During the time of the Galactic Empire, the Rodians were ruled by the Grand Protector Navik the Red, of the Chattza clan. After instigating an inter-clan war and seizing power, Navik tightened restrictions on emigration and built ties with Black Sun and the Galactic Empire." I guess if you think it's necessary, I can try to bring that into the Andoorni Hui entry; I'd have to find the original source, but I'd do it if needed. I just don't know if it will weigh down her entry or not. What do you think? --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *** That was from Shadows of the Empire Planets Guide, if I recall. If you'd like, I'll flip through it and find that.   Trak Nar  Ramble on 04:49, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Sure, I'd very much appreciate it! --Colinmcev 05:08, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *****I went ahead and added the reference. If you find that source is wrong after all, just let me know or remove it. Thanks! --Colinmcev 14:31, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ******It's right. Don't worry about it. DC 17:04, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * The P&T section could use a good copyedit. By reading it, it seems very rushed.
 * 29) **You couldn't have been more right! There were some rather embarrassing grammatical errors in here which are now fixed. --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *Good read. I hope to see more FAs out of you. DC 02:56, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thanks for the help! --Colinmcev 03:43, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) From the perilous voxyn warren of Harrar
 * 33) *First off, good to have you back.
 * 34) *Do we need the "also" in "also personally assured"? I find it reads better without it.
 * 35) *I feel "destroyed" is not really the right term here. Any alternatives?
 * 36) *The present tense of "means" is slightly off-setting, being as we're so used to having none whatsoever in our articles. Could it go into the past tense?
 * 37) *Ackbar's position needs qualifying as the head of the military.
 * 38) *Is one "under" a death mark? Doesn't read quite right.
 * 39) *When you say "One night", is it possible to provide the rough length on time they'd been at the base for before the attack?
 * 40) *"Fitted with a hover chair" makes her sound like a cyborg. Please reword.
 * 41) *Expand a little as to the fact that the loss of her stabilizer renders her unable to evade the TIE.
 * 42) *Good work, Colin. Harrar 17:31, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Do all Rodians have green skin? Where's Trak Nar to clarify ;P? Harrar 17:31, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I know at least Jannik has white skin. Colin, perhaps you should change it to "most Rodians" or somesuch? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:53, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Jori Daragon

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:19, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Co-nom for WP:NEGTC and guest nom for WP:TOTJ.

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Buick

 * Nominated by: 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I was moved into action by 4dot's Max.

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 * 1) Because Jorrel Fraajic likes to torture himself so others can't:
 * 2) *Needs way better images (and more of them) - If there's anyone, anyone who has any of the games and the ability to screencap consoles, contact me here or on my talk page (or in IRC, even). 21:14, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1,208 words. 20:54, 18 July 2008 (UTC)