Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 5) Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.

(1 Inq/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Major issues listed here have been addressed. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Could still transition better, but nicely done. I'm confident that other reviews will improve this prose further.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 17 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *You've done a nice job, Yrfeloran, making some major additions to this article. Unfortunately, it's still quite a ways away from being up to FA standards. Without even reading through, I pick up on the following problems:
 * 3) * The infobox must be completely sourced, as does the succession box at the bottom of the page.
 * 4) **Done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Complete sourcing includes sourcing the "Era(s)" field. I've done this for you, but please source this next time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:44, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Any quotes within the article must go at the beginning of sections, after the subhead, not in the middle of paragraphs.
 * 7) **Most of those were residual old paragraphs - done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *The entire article is little more than 1-2 sentence paragraphs summarizing events. While I'm certainly not a huge prequel trilogy fan, having never read the majority of these sources, this tells me that you've done just that, quickly generalizing important topics while skipping out on juicy details. Featured Articles must be comprehensive, not only including material from all relevant sources, but also detailing that information to a great degree. An article like Dooku, for as much information is out there on him, should have dozens of paragraphs several sentences in length. It's just too thin right now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:50, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ** There was a formatting issue with some prior authors' styles, which I've now fixed. It now "looks better". As for actual content, there have been significant expansions and section mergings. Dooku's article over the period of the movies was probably more in-depth than recently re-FAd Grievous, for instance, even before I revamped it. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) LtNOWIS
 * 11) * Image:Quarren league.jpg, Image:DookuVSGrievous.jpg, and Image:DookuBTS.jpg need more specific sources. The Clone Wars shots need to specify which episodes, and the databank shot needs a link to the page it's from. -LtNOWIS 10:19, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Muuuuuurgh helped with this. Thanks, Muuuuuurgh! Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 14) * Needs a longer and more comprehensive intro.
 * 15) ** Intro has been expanded somewhat. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I won't get specific, but it's way too light on detail. Most of the article is just short paragraph, then a new section.
 * 17) *This can be brought to FA, but it will take a lot of time and commitment. If you can do it, I commend you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:30, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) More stuff from me:
 * 19) * Both Sith Apprentice and Leaving the Order have paragrpahs that are no more than one or two sentences. Combine sentences in those sections or expand them.
 * 20) **Combination and expansion done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Combine the sections Jedi confrontation and successful escape.
 * 22) **Done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * You link way too much. Link onc ein the intro and then once in the body.
 * 24) **This was kind of inevitable, since the original article was overlinked and additions were made piecemeal. I think I've pruned about all of them Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * De-link the quote in Endgame.
 * 26) **Done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Remove the sentence about Quinlan Vos in the Legacy section.
 * 28) **done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *I am very impressed with what you've done so far. Keep up the good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:48, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) From the legal pad scrawling of Atarumaster88
 * 31) * Lot of short paragraphs need fleshed out or combined with others.
 * 32) **I've done a fair bit of this. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * I'd say remove some of the shorter sections by combining them with others also.
 * 34) ** And a lot of section combining Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * Compare your appearances/sources list to the reference list. A quick check reveals no information from the following:
 * 36) ** Star Wars: Battlefront
 * 37) ** Some of those HoloNet news.
 * 38) ** Boba Fett: Crossfire
 * 39) ** Republic 49.
 * 40) ** Legacy of the Jedi
 * 41) ** And I'm sure there are more.
 * 42) ***Most of those were actually there - Legacy was ref'd 8 times, Crossfire and 49 were there but cited as Fight to Survive and 50. I did some expansion on the HNN stuff and added Battlefront. Yrfeloran 03:00, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) *Needs a non-canon appearance section. (Ugh)
 * 44) **I'm probably going to need help with this one. I've got the bare bones of one up. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***I see most of them done. Is there additional information in the LEGO video games that's not there yet? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Properly reference all Clone Wars cartoon series references by chapter.
 * 47) **Done for all IU refs Yrfeloran 03:35, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) *It's a lot better than it was, but still will need work, as others have already said. Feel free to drop by WP:NEGTC for additional help, though, or my talk page. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:27, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) From the full-fledged desk of Atarumaster88
 * 50) * Dooku's role in Jedi:Shaak Ti could use mention.
 * 51) **OK, it's got a mention Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Same thing with Republic 54.
 * 53) **Somebody who's read this in the past year definitely needs to double-check, but added. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * I'm not seeing any information from the Shadowfeed.
 * 55) **Added Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ***<There are three or four Shadowfeed appearances in the appearance list, but only 1 reference that I saw. Did you get them all?
 * 57) ****There's one trivial one, and the fragment of a Fete day address that doesn't have much content besides "we're awesome, Republic sucks" Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * Mention Dooku's role in the Battle of Jabiim.
 * 59) **mentioned Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * Check also Republic 59, 60, and 61. I forget whether those have key mentions.
 * 61) ** They don't, but I added 64 Yrfeloran 00:58, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Yoda's lesson to Dooku in EGTTF might be good P&T material.
 * 63) ** I was thinking about doing that, but it's hard to wedge it in. He's like 7, too. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) ***Added an oblique mention in Childhood Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) * Your EGTTF refs, at least, are all off and are seemingly removing content from the article.There's a sentence or two missing from his tutelage under Cerulian. When you reference, your first reference to a source should like like, but your subsequent references should only include to avoid errors. And also, the field of , the blah part is just a placeholder and so you can abbreviate to shorten the code, just keep it understandable.
 * 66) **The Thame stuff was due to a different malformed reference that I fixed. I'll trim some of these as I come across them, but with the amount of paragraph merging/etc. going around it is really useful as an editor in this particular situation to have more than one ref linked. Also "blah" should be full source name per Layout Guide, which I agree with. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Heh, I stand corrected. Though the use of abbreviated referencing is sorta common. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Yeah, there's some legacy ones on the Dooku page, but on an article this size when you're editing a section at a time it's a -massive- pain to look up what the page's nickname of the source you want is. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) * All your references have the same error, it appears.
 * 70) * " Though Dooku's behavior and beliefs as a Jedi had previously been within the scope of Jedi orthodoxy,[1] there is evidence that in the period before he left the Order he flirted with the belief that the dark side of the Force could be called upon without personal corruption.[17]." This sentence is OOU and should be rewritten to conform with the MoS. At the very least, the tense is wrong.
 * 71) **Fixed I guess. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * Lot of short sentences in the last paragraph of "Leaving the Order".
 * 73) **Made some a little longer? Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * Need context on Palpatine. His double identity as Darth Sidious is not discussed, and the casual reader may not be awareof that.
 * 75) **Added this. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * OOU/tense issues with this: "It is suspected that Dooku himself did this, but it is unclear how he accomplished it." also. Recall that EGTTF is an IU publication, if that helps.
 * 77) ** Fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) * Jumps back and forth about his Sith status. He's supposed to be a Sith Lord in "Sith apprentice" but his Sith training is still ongoing during the Bando Gora episode. Clarify please.
 * 79) ** Noncontradictory. One becomes an apprentice first, then learns Sith stuff. See Vader. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) ***You have him listed as a "fully-fledged Sith Lord", not as a Sith apprentice, and then went on to later discuss his training.
 * 81) **** OK, removed the adjective Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * 2nd paragraph of "Moving the pieces" could use a more varied sentence syntax.
 * 83) **fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) * "To the surprise of both parties, Dooku himself was present". Present where? Needs more context.
 * 85) ** Added context Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * More context needed on initial mention of Vos and Secura.
 * 87) ** Added a little bit here. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * More context needed on Ansion's alliances and Dooku's manipulations there.
 * 89) ** Added Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) * "The Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi then traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there, and also discovered the clone army that Dooku had once ordered. This army was now fully grown and ready for action." Condense this, but give some more context in general on Episode II. The Jedi rescue force in particular.
 * 91) ** OK, did a little more context.
 * 92) * Be specific about some Episode II details. List the factions involved in the CIS. List the creatures in the arena.
 * 93) ** Done, though the CIS stuff inevitably comes across as a little listy.
 * 94) * In general, it is not advisable to use the first names of characters. A few exceptions might include major characters, but not, say, Zam Wesell.
 * 95) ** OK Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) * More detail on arena battle and Dooku's role in it.
 * 97) ** Uh, OK, added that he watched from the balcony :P Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) * 2nd para of "The clones attack" is all short sentences.
 * 99) ** fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * "spectacular duel" is POV.
 * 101) ** fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * Sev'rance Tann's role in Dooku's escape from Geonosis, as well as the Dark Acolytes blocking Windu in their tanks should be mentioned.
 * 103) ** Like Padme falling out of the gunship, I don't think this is really directly relevant to Dooku's article. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) ***I'll accept the explanation on the tanks, but I think Sev'rance Tann's role as the chief commander of the droid armies could use some explanation, and that ties in well with her role in helping Dooku escape. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) ****I added a little more context with Tann in the proper section. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) *You're about halfway to my ending catchphrase, but I think there's plenty here for now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) " Even as the Separatist movement grew and coalesced around Dooku as a leader, the Jedi Council did not believe he could be behind the violence.[24] although he". I think your reference is eating some of your text here.
 * 108) **fixed Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) * 3 short paragraphs in "A new ally" could use merging.
 * 110) ** I did a little bit of addition, but I think merging those paragraphs would hurt more than it'd help Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) * More context needed on "Sidious said that it did not matter either way.".
 * 112) ** Added Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 113) * This is related to above, but Tann's role and actions are never explained properly in relation to Dooku.
 * 114) **Tried to address this Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) * Again, check your linking. A lot of things are overlinked, but don't worry too much about it; that can be corrected automatically.
 * 116) * The first name thing is fine with say, Anakin and Obi-Wan as long as it's not overrused, but certainly not with minor characters. Nothing you haven't seen before. ;-)
 * 117) ** I'll fix it as I go, but not for, say, Tallisibeth Enwandung-Esterhazy Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Spoilsport. :-P Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) * Just a general suggestion: Try reading the article aloud to see how it flows. Parts of it don't read that well, and a few small tweaks would fix those.
 * 120) * The section title "Miscellaneous villainy" needs reworded. Dare I say it doesn't sound encyclopediac?
 * 121) **Unencyclopediac...but -so- true. OK, reworded. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) * These two don't flow well together: "Droids planted charges on the planet and prepared for detonation. The Separatist-allied inhabitents of Viidaav would have also been killed."
 * 123) **Reworded whole section Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) * "Miscellaneous villainy" has a large number of short paragraphs and the content is disjointed. Let the prose flow within you.
 * 125) **It's hard. Mostly random CWA stuff. Gave it a shot Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) * Short paragraphs in meeting on Vjun.
 * 127) **Did some work there. Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) *" She had previously been defeated and humiliated by Anakin Skywalker on Coruscant.[61] However, a Republic fleet arrived before the process was completed." These two have no tie-in, and don't flow well together either.
 * 129) **Added more context Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) * Last paragraph on Saleucami needs more context, or give background on the battle more towards the beginning. Either way.
 * 131) **done Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) * "Sidious also ordered Grievous to attack Coruscant and simultaneously to the Separatist assault on Tythe." Clarify this sentence.
 * 133) **did so Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) * "General Grievous was unaware that his hapless captive was also the feared mastermind behind the Confederation. Dooku arrived on the Invisible Hand and took charge of the prisoner." These two sentences don't flow well together.
 * 135) **Tried to segue better Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) * Link the Invisible Hand.
 * 137) **It was linked in the first mention Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) * Link to the saber forms and even provide some context on them if you feel it would be good.
 * 139) **I'd prefer not to, having just rescued the article from an unhealthy obsession with Makashi. I have some in the lightsaber training section, but it needs to stay out of the ROTS fight or else it will morph into "Ataru beat Makashi" instead of "Anakin beat Dooku". Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 140) ***Fair enough. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:35, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 141) *" In a burst of power, Anakin overpowered Dooku". The power of the sentence is a mite overwhelming.
 * 142) **did some rewording Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 143) * Remove the section header "Revelation". It's unnecessary and interrupts the events on Invisible Hand
 * 144) **OK....I did this, but I'm not sure I'm happy with it. Lose "Kill him now" quote, for one. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 145) * Redlinks. Waaaay too many.
 * 146) **Down to three now Yrfeloran 04:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 147) *Keep working on it. Chances are that this'll go through a couple more reviews, but don't give up; this has potential. Have a Super Terrific Friendly-Unfrustrating Day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 148) From the squalid cublicle of Graestan (Part One):
 * 149) * Abbreviating the ref names would be most helpful in an article of such scope.
 * 150) **I abbreviated prime offender Essential Guide to the Force, but most everything else is linked only a few times. Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 151) * More thorough and consistent linking is desired.
 * 152) * POV-ish statements abound. "Legendary" and "vastly overmatched" in particular. I suggest going over the article, seeking out anything that isn't inherently neutral or makes value judgments not specifically established by canon.
 * 153) * It's pretty thoroughly established precedent in featured articles that aside from a few whole-name mentions, last names are to be used except in instances of multiple individuals mentioned in the article having the same last name. Please look through and change accordingly; I've already done a bit of Jinning Qui-Gons.
 * 154) **FWIW, for main characters, IMO, such as Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, etc. it's permissible to use first names provided it's not overly done. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 155) ***Who says? You? I had a round-and-round debate with about ten users that told me otherwise a few months ago. I'm sticking with their consensus that I wasn't a part of. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 156) ****Heh, well, I'd talked to Greyman and Toprawa about it for Wormhead, and they said that using "Luke" instead of constantly stating "Skywalker" was okay. Perhaps we should come to a better understanding on this issue at the next Inq meeting. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 157) * "Building from this foundation" doesn't really sit well with me.
 * 158) **I've rephrased this whole section Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 159) * Calling Cerulian a historian and then stating that his interests were in history is a bit redundant.
 * 160) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 161) * "Historically knowledgeable and politically apt" implies that he had a history of being knowledgeable and was apt for political reasons. Please rephrase; a shame, that was a pretty one.
 * 162) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 163) * "Dooku and Qui-Gon were forced to surrender to the pirates when Colicoid Eradicator droids threatened the factory's child workers, and were injected with toxins that paralyzed them and rendered them unconscious." – Clarify who has what done. Also, give a little explanation of motivations.
 * 164) **The scene itself is a little confusing - it's unclear who they surrendered too, and it's unclear who injected the, I did some cleanup Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 165) *More later. Thanks for your time. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:53, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 166) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan (Part Two):
 * 167) * "one of the only ones" – Yuck; reword, please.
 * 168) **Reworded this Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 169) * Vosa was his second Padawan, not a second Padawan, which would be a no-no. Please revise.
 * 170) **Cleaned up, though I daresay you could have fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 171) ***Actually, was asking for clarity. She could have been a second without my knowing it. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 172) * "This was in a way the truth" steps a bit too far out of the universe for comfort.
 * 173) **Fixed. See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 174) * Explain that the Death Watch are Mandalorians.
 * 175) **Got it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 176) * The transition from Galidraan to Baltizaar, then back to Galidraan is a bit rough. Can this be rearranged?
 * 177) ** Slightly tweaked Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 178) * No setup for Maul?
 * 179) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 180) * Was his bust in the Archives before or after he left? Please clarify.
 * 181) **Clarified Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 182) * It is stated twice that Dooku retired to Serenno and so forth.
 * 183) **I think someone fixed this - it looks okay to me. Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 184) * An explanation for Sifo-Dyas's order with the Kaminoans is required. Why, who it was for, etc.
 * 185) **There's...not much I can do with this. Sifo-Dyas's motivations are still entirely unclear. It's a fuzzy, confused area of canon that makes very little plot sense. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 186) ***Not even that it was speculated that he foresaw some need, and that the order was for the Republic? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 187) ****It's unsettled enough that it's speculation still, and it's not out of the question that he was working for Sidious somehow. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 188) *****I could swear that I read somewhere about what I laid out&mdash;Sifo-Dyas's foresight. Is it possible some source material should be checked? And at the very least, that he placed the order in the name of the Republic should be stated. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 189) ******Okay, I did some tweaking Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 190) * No mention of the Dagobah system's deletion?
 * 191) **Sure, threw it in. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 192) * Establish what the Deep Core is.
 * 193) **Done Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 194) * Okay, I demand either an Equipment section or at least a longer mention of the solar sailer in the bio. Also, Geonosian sailing vessels? Are we talking in space, or on Geonosis's as-yet-unseen seas?
 * 195) **Added some stuff Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 196) * "ex-Mandalorians" – This can't be worded right. Aren't they Mandalorian by culture, not so much affiliation?
 * 197) **Fixed Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 198) ***For what it's worth, I think the term "ex-Mandalorian" is used in Legacy: Noob. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 199) * No setup for Nat Secura.
 * 200) **Touched this up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 201) * "of the &hellip; of the" in the next paragraph reads awkwardly.
 * 202) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 203) * "While gathering support for secession from the Republic" – This has literally no context whatsoever.
 * 204) **Rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 205) * It should be explained why Sidious was interested in Sheelal.
 * 206) **Done Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 207) * What personal grievance against the Huks? This reads something like a teaser; please go into some detail.
 * 208) **This wasn't really critical, so I removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 209) * No mention of when and why Grievous took up his name.
 * 210) **I had this wrong and removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 211) * Honestly, I'd rewrite the Grievous section. It needs to read a bit more like a story.
 * 212) **Grievous section rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 213) *More later. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:18, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 214) From the Family-sized Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 215) *I've made a good way through the article, fixing up some things doing a first-run copyedit. Here are some other thoughts within the Biography section, divided by subsection&hellip;
 * 216) *Childhood:
 * 217) ** "However, Lorian Nod was jealous of Dooku being chosen as a Padawan before him, and stole a Sith holocron from the quarters of Thame Cerulian." By linking these sentences you are saying that there is a connection between Nod's jealousy and him stealing the holocron. If this is the case, state what the connection is. Otherwise, sever the sentences.
 * 218) ***It's Jude Watson logic. I did some more expansion there. Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 219) ** Nothing precedes the next sentence stating that Nod was caught. If added as an introductory clause, you will have to restructure this sentence.
 * 220) ***Expanded stuff Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 221) ** Did Nod and Dooku become bitter enemies before or after they went before the council? Something seems out of order here; though, this may be cleared up if it is stated that (and how, if possible) Nod was caught.
 * 222) ***see above Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 223) ** "His teacher sat on the Jedi Council, and was a keen historian, even inquiring into the history of the Sith." I'm not quite sure why this sentence is here or its overall relevance. It could simply be stated above that Cerulian sat on the Council by working it into his initial introduction, unless he was not seated on it by that time. Does the fact that Cerulian inquired into the Sith play a role for Dooku somehow? If not, I would strongly advise that this not be included.
 * 224) ***Did some tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 225) ** I suggest combining the last two paragraphs into one, with the first beginning "Even under the tutelage of Cerulian, Master Yoda&hellip;" Then, the current location of this similar clause would become "With the combined influences of his Master and others, Dooku became&hellip;"
 * 226) ***Someone else did this; I did some further tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 227) ****I still ended up combining them. Two sentence paragraphs are, by and large, discouraged.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 228) *Knight and Master:
 * 229) ** Link to Lorian Nod's headquarters.
 * 230) ***I ended up doing this, as well. Be aware that it creates a red link, but having an article for this would be necessary eventually.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 231) ****I know I mentioned this to you on IRC, but the place is so completely undescribed and unnotable that I don't think an article on it would serve any purpose. Yrfeloran 18:56, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 232) *****It may not seem like it is necessary, but it I prefer completeness on behalf of the encyclopedia.
 * 233) ** "Dooku acted as a teacher to Jinn, not a friend, and the two drifted apart in later years." Later years implies that they drifted as they both got 'old and gray.' I remember reading that they gradually drifted apart over the years but that it began almost immediately after Jinn was knighted. If I am correct in remembering this, you might want to reword this sentence.
 * 234) ***I deleted it- it wasn't really necessary Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 235) ****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 236) ** "The Council soon agreed that his skills made him well suited for such field work." Soon? I don't follow; don't think this word belongs in there.
 * 237) ***Cut soon Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 238) *Galidraan:
 * 239) ** The subsection title isn't all that descriptive and doesn't really encompass all that is covered in this subsection. I would encourage a change, though others might not see the need to do so.
 * 240) ***I'd kind of prefer to keep it - Galidraan's a very critical event in Dooku's character arc. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 241) ****Fair enough.
 * 242) ** Komari Vosa isn't mentioned until the Galidraan subsection, but I believe should be mentioned in the subsection prior. Possibly, you could simply include it right after the "Old Guard" sentence. Unless, of course, Vosa was taken as a Padawan when the uprising began. Any other information you can add on Vosa and Dooku's reaction/thoughts toward/reasons for taking/etc. would be very useful in the relocated area.
 * 243) ***Motivations? I wish. We don't even have a real motivation for him becoming a Sith Lord :P. Moved Vosa. Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 244) ** "This was partially true, as he had hired Jango Fett and his followers, the True Mandalorians, to eliminate his own enemies, and was now working with Fett's enemy Vizsla and the Mandalorian splinter faction known as the Death Watch to destroy Fett and his faction." Very heavily this reads. This should be broken up into two, possibly three sentences.
 * 245) ***I expanded this Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 246) ** "Dooku submitted a protest to the Jedi Council after Baltizaar, arguing that the Council was wasting Jedi lives for political reasons." Expand.
 * 247) ***IIRC, that's about all the information provided from EGTTF. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 248) ****What Ataru said Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 249) *****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 250) *Leaving the Order:
 * 251) ** "He was the last former Jedi Master to be counted among the Lost Twenty, and a bronzium bust of him was created to join the other sculptures of the Lost in the Jedi Archives." So, he was already one of the "Lost Twenty" before he left the Order? Reword and clarify.
 * 252) ***I did a little expansion here Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 253) *Sith apprentice:
 * 254) ** "Shortly after Dooku left the Order, Master Sifo-Dyas ordered a clone army in secret from the planet Kamino." There is a syntax error somewhere in there that makes the "in secret" part not work. Which are you considering secret or secretive?
 * 255) ***Think I fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 256) ****Yes, that makes it work.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 257) ** "Information about secret Jedi hyperspace routes through the Deep Core region in the center of the galaxy were also stolen." Stolen or erased? Double check this. If you can confirm this as stolen, do not use "also" as it implies that these things had the same done to them. Rather, use "In addition", or "Additionally," at the head of the sentence.
 * 258) ***I'll do this later, but yes, stolen. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 259) **** Ok. I remembered it incorrectly. Nevertheless, I would change the head of the sentence as suggested per it being stolen.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 260) *****Touched up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 261) ******I'm still trying to fathom why Dooku would need to steal them. :)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 262) *Moving the pieces
 * 263) ** "On a mission to the planet Geonosis, on Sidious's behalf, he impressed Archduke Poggle the Lesser with his knowledge of ancient Geonosian atmospheric sailing vessels and was presented with a Punworcca 116-class interstellar sloop." You should separate the ship presentation from the rest of the sentence.
 * 264) ***Done Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 265) ** "Dooku's Sith training was soon interrupted by Sidious with an urgent matter." Earlier in the last section it is mentioned that Dooku was under instruction of Sidious, but this is an overt statement about training. What training? It is not clearly mentioned earlier and should be if he was in fact "training" in the ways of the dark side of the Force. Expand.
 * 266) ***Sidious mentions he's interrupting Dooku's training in Bounty Hunter, but we never directly see the training itself, though Dooku very vaguely refers to it in Labyrinth of Evil Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 267) **** If it is that strongly referred to, it merits a mention. We may not see it, but if it is stated, then it would be a far statement to say that it occurred.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 268) *****Made small additions here. Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 269) ******Thank you. This works better now.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 270) ** "Dooku had previously encountered Vosa in her new identity and allowed her to live as an experiment, but now Sidious commanded her death." If she was seen or encountered earlier, she should probably be mentioned earlier. Expand.
 * 271) ***Heh! More events only known about from Bounty Hunter dialogue. Very vague paraphrase from memory: Sidious:"You didn't kill her the last time you met. Why?" Dooku: *shifty* "An experiment." Sidious: "The experiment has failed. I want her dead." No more details than that. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 272) **** I'd reword the sentence then to say something along the lines of "Even though Dooku did not divulge his reasoning, he kept Vosa alive as an 'experiment'." (Single quotes would become double quotes in the text. In this instance, something to this effect covers all the bases – tweaks in wording give the reader the knowledge that nothing more can be found on this topic.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 273) *****I did some rephrasing Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 274) *A pair of miscellaneous thoughts:
 * 275) **Yes, this is only the first part, but do not be discouraged. Many, many authors have had their hands in the text since it has been created and you are doing a nice job ironing it out as best as possible. I commend you for this.
 * 276) **If you cite something at the end of a compound sentence, it is etiquette to make certain that both parts of the sentence are from that source. If not, cite the other source after the comma and before the conjunction. If the sentence isn't compound, try to avoid mid-sentence citations unless you are listing things out.
 * 277) *Keep up the good work and I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:12, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 278) Seconds from Fiolli's Pasta Bowl:
 * 279) *Moving the pieces:
 * 280) ** Not really an objection, but this needs to be at least addressed. Poggle the Lesser is mentioned in the Grievous section as being a part of Dooku's group to recruit the general. Was this an extension of their prior relationship and was this relationship what helped to prompt Geonosis to secede from the Republic?
 * 281) ***Poggle's actually Sidious's minion...i added a mention that he was Dooku's ally. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 282) *Creating Grievous:
 * 283) ** "They planted an ion bomb was on Grievous's shuttle Martyr." Huh?
 * 284) ***Did a little more expanding here Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 285) ** "Dooku personally trained Grievous in lightsaber combat, turning the cyborg became a deadly killer of Jedi." The last half of this reads funny. I think I know what you are trying to say, but it is awkward.
 * 286) ***Oh, this was an error. Changed Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 287) *Birth of Seperatists:
 * 288) ** "Separatist sentiment soon spread, and on some planets turned into armed resistance against the Republic." Syntactic error.
 * 289) ***Tweaked Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 290) ** "Dooku's next move was to try and bring the planet Ansion into the future Confederacy." The Confederacy doesn't exist yet. You're still talking about the birth of a movement, refer to the Separatist movement instead.
 * 291) ***Changed this. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 292) ** "Shu Mai had also handled a small rebellion among the secret supporters of secession in the Commerce Guild." Handled doesn't seem to work. I'm not sure what this sentence really means.
 * 293) ***Changed to 'dealt with' Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 294) **"Industrialist Tam Uliss wished to step up their plans and go public despite Ansion's failure to secede. Shu Mai informed Dooku that she had given this faction an object lesson by killing Tam Uliss in a staged accident. Dooku was pleased, telling Shu Mai that their plans were nearing completion." What plans? Secession? The same plans as Dooku?
 * 295) ***As with Sidious, nobody actually sees the plan. They're just assured everything is going according to it. ;) Tweaked.Yrfeloran 22:08, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 296) ****Clear up "go public" then. The plans I was referring to are Mai's plans.
 * 297) *Conspiracy revealed:
 * 298) ** "Kenobi found Jango Fett there, as well as the clone army that Dooku had once ordered." It is stated above (in the text) that Sifo-Dyas ordered the army, but Dooku paid for it. Please fix.
 * 299) ***Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 300) ** "Dooku then told Obi-Wan that Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord, had control over the Senate. and made one last appeal for Obi-Wan to defect, saying that together they could destroy the Sith." Do you want this separated into two sentences or as one? I like the idea of two, personally.
 * 301) ***Oh, that was sloppy of me. Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 302) *I am going to have to stop here for now. I apologize that this is taking so long. Things are looking much better, Yrf. Congrats. I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 303) Now onward to the Fiolli's Special Antipasto
 * 304) *Arena bloodbath:
 * 305) **"He did not, however, as it was not the Jedi way." Some might disagree, but unless this is stated in the text explicitly, I think this violates NPoV and should not be included.
 * 306) ***It is (it's actually a major point in Shatterpoint), but I changed it anyway Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 307) *Jedi confrontation:
 * 308) **"Leaping into action, the two engaged in a spectacular duel." Check PoV. Tone down "spectacular" to something like "fierce."
 * 309) ***Done Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 310) *Early conflicts:
 * 311) **"Encountering one another in the cargo bay of Dooku's ship for the second time, Dooku stated his curiosity about the Force Harvester's effects on a Jedi." Wording suggests that this the second time in the ship's cargo bay rather than the second time over all.
 * 312) ***Changed Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 313) **"He used the Harvester on Aargonar, Bakura and Mon Calamari before retreating to Thule to prepare the rest of the Dark Reaper for use." Do we know any of the effects the usage had on these places?
 * 314) ***I think I've addressed this. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 315) **"Dooku's plan for the Dark Reaper was finally thwarted when the Jedi attacked Thule. He unleashed the Force Harvester on the Republic's forces, but Anakin Skywalker destroyed it in the battle, having learned from a hologram of the ancient Jedi Ulic Qel-Droma how to resist the effects of the Sith weapon. With the Force Harvester gone, and Prax also slain by Skywalker shortly before, Dooku fled the field." Nice flow to this, the first sentence is good. Yet, I would prefer that Prax's death be listed before the destruction of the Reaper since it happened first; try to keep these things chronological unless it is revealed that way in the text.
 * 316) ***Changed it. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 317) **"Following the death of Sev'rance Tann, his favored general, Dooku needed to find someone to replace her as the commander of his armies. Dooku had three choices: Asajj Ventress, Durge, and Grievous." This introduction seems orphaned. While I think I know what you are referring to, much has been described since the death of Tann. The top of "A new ally" strongly suggests that Ventress had already replaced Tann. Clarify. This is going to take some work and possibly a partial rewrite of this section.\
 * 318) ***Ventress was not doing General stuff - tweaked this a bit.Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 319) *Good luck. More later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:15, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Former featured article. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I am happy to see someone tackle this and I would encourage you, Yrfeloran, to hack away at it. For what it's worth, I recall (several months ago) noticing that numerous chunks of fanon and fan speculation had made their way into this article, so as the revision process continues, I'd recommend proceeding suspiciously, never assuming that a source tag is legit unless yourself added or checked it. (I haven't even really looked at it yet, though, so for all I know somebody already cleansed it.)  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 12:39, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I did a good deal of the sourcing myself, and have spot-checked most of the rest. There was a serious fanon/NPOV purge that I did, and the non-biographical sections are now shorter. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Note to self: Done up to Clone Wars. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Small input from Tinwe, concerning the lightsaber Dooku used as a Jedi: I'd like to point you to the direction of this image. It shows that Dooku used the curve-hilt design already as a Padawan (I'm not 100% sure if this is his own saber or just another training saber&mdash;though at least I have never seen a curve-hilted one). Whatever the case, I think it deserves to be mentioned in the article. --Tinwe 16:09, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There's a mention in the continuity section of the BtS. As a book cover, the Legacy of the Jedi cover is not really canon. Especially since there's no scene with young Dooku wielding his own saber in the actual book, and the whole montage is kinda, IMHO, poorly done. Yrfeloran 00:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I could use some more feedback on this(objections or votes). I'd be happy to address any concerns with the article. Yrfeloran 01:51, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Curiously enough, our own articles place Tann's attack on Alaris Prime before Dooku's use of the Force Harvester. Just a thought. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:37, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Ack...I think the article initially had them that way. I'll double-check when I get back, but you're probably right. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * They're both 1 month ABG, and they're both extended campaigns that overlap. Because Dooku's personally involved in the Harvester campaign and I'm segueing in from what he's doing with Fett on Raxus Prime before hand, I think it makes sense to cover the whole Harvester campaign first, and then mention he's advising Tann as well. Yrfeloran 15:04, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There seems to be an overabundance of small, two- and three-sentence paragraphs. Don't be afraid to merge these, or to write larger paragraphs, as long as the prose flows well. Inline citations within paragraphs are acceptable.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:46, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm finding net access while abroad a little more difficult than I thought, but commented on a few objections. I'll still be gone for several more days. Keep the objections coming, I'll have plenty of time to address them when I get back Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Admiral. Pfeh! -- Ozzel 02:24, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Worked out the only issue I had in IRC. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 12:30, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:44, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) His MO is similar to mine at work.  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:46, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 09:51, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) The WP:NEGTC parade rolls on.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:37, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) --Gonzalo84 04:27, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 2) * "both enthusiasm and fear that he would meet the same fate as Ozzel" – Please reword for clarity.
 * 3) **Adjusted.
 * 4) * The Declaration of a New Order could use a little context.
 * 5) **I've added a touch of follow up and another link for readers.
 * 6) * It is not yet established that the Alliance has a new base when you say "Piett and his crew searched for the new Alliance base" – Is this speculation on the part of the Imperials, or can a phrase be added to the previous section about the Alliance seeking out new refuge?
 * 7) **Phrase added.
 * 8) * Grammel's position should be established forthright.
 * 9) **I'm not quite sure what you mean by this.
 * 10) ***He is simply referred to without context, and it's a bit confusing. Where is he? Who does he work for? This should be set up initially. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:03, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Aha, I see. Fixed, and this actually works much better, as there's a bit more of a set up to Circarpous V as well. Thefourdotelipsis 10:02, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * "a possible candidate" is kind of out of the blue. Rebel base had been mentioned, but was a while back. Please reorient the reader.
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * "made a tactical blunder when exiting hyperspace in the Hoth system" – I believe the dialogue of ESB has them arriving too close to the system, not exactly in it, as the mistake. Was there a different version? If not, please revise.
 * 15) **Fixed.
 * 16) *Non-objection: Nice dodging of the term "on Bespin," which always makes me go "hmmm."
 * 17) **Quite. ;)
 * 18) * Mention the significance of the shield generator, please.
 * 19) **Added.
 * 20) * I could have sworn Rebel fighters took out the Executor ' s bridge shield&hellip; If not stated otherwise, can this get a mention?
 * 21) **"His ships" kinda works here, since Ackbar was in overall command.
 * 22) ***I am mistaken. The way the film is put together, it appears Rebels attack the shield projector domes (now retconned as sensor globes) of the ship before Executor ' s shield go down, but if you look closely, it's an ISD they hit. Graestan ( Talk )
 * 23) * Present tense in the last part of the bio.
 * 24) **Where, exactly? "The Battle of Endor was eventually lost by the Empire, with Palpatine dying his first death at the hands of the turncoat Lord Vader, who also perished." is past tense, I and several others believe. Thefourdotelipsis 08:17, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Ah, Hydro found it. I would have called brain fart...only I didn't actually add that sentence at all. To you members of the audience, let this be a lesson to you: Constant Vigilance! Thefourdotelipsis 08:55, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Try Nebulaxian, err, I mean, draconian measures. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:03, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Now, now, no need to bring that up. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:37, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:32, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 30) *This is referenced to as though we are introduced to this concept already. Please reword to better say this was something he had done in the past: "soon after his promotion but was able to shift blame as he had done in the past."
 * 31) **Done.
 * 32) *Context for Mr. Dodonna, please: "Piett was on board the Executor once again when it fell under attack from Vrad Dodonna."
 * 33) **Added.
 * 34) *This doesn't tell me anything. You say the Executor was attacked by Dodonna, and then that attack failed. Please elaborate a little bit on what happened, specifically: "Piett personally congratulated Vader when Dodonna's attack failed."
 * 35) **That's the part that's relevant to Piett. In that, when Vader's plans or whatever worked, he was there to congratulate him. There's nothing on his other actions in the battle.
 * 36) *Kind of an addendum to the previous objection. IIRC, Dodonna's attack is what caused Griff's death, no? Should clarify: "During the Fifth Battle of Yavin 4, in which the forces of the Galactic Empire drove the Alliance to Restore the Republic out of their hidden fortress, Admiral Griff perished in an accidental collision."
 * 37) **As far as I can recall, Griff died when his ships accidentally hypered into the Executor. Dodonna was long dead. Thefourdotelipsis 05:15, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) *This reads as though he was attempting to acquire the crystal and the two Rebels from Imperial justice. That phrase is redundant anyhow. Recommended that you just remove that and all will be fine: "the Dark Lord was unable to acquire either the Kaiburr crystal or the two fugitives from Imperial justice."
 * 39) **"From Imperial justice" removed.
 * 40) *The use of "droid" here just reads silly. Ideally replace the first one to describe the probe, or whatever it is: "Sure enough, the droid did detect a Rebel presence, but it was only a pair of droids"
 * 41) **Changed to "probe."
 * 42) *This...just doesn't read well. All of these 'in Vader's eyes,' 'in Vader's view.' These sentences could be tightened up to avoid unnecessary redundant wording, perhaps even condense into a single sentence.: "The admiral had been made to look a fool, souring him in Vader's eyes just as Piett had planned. At the same time, the Axxilan had made himself appear sharp and calculating in the Dark Lord's view, gaining him a small degree of favor."
 * 43) **"In the Dark Lord's view" removed.
 * 44) *Your quote heading the "Admiralty" section is...incorrect. I'm going to let you change it so you can learn from your mistake. I suggest turning on the captions for the ESB DVD.
 * 45) **Thank you so much for the opportunity.
 * 46) *Please reword to avoid passive voice: "betting pools were formed on the command ship by the junior officers"
 * 47) **Fixed.
 * 48) *At this point here, you could probably add a little bit to refer to Piett's "preference to avoid the issue" of the escape of the Falcon for comprehensiveness's sake. See pg. 73 of the novel: "Piett briefly toured the remains of Echo Base before informing Vader that seventeen Rebel ships had been destroyed while trying to flee."
 * 49) **I think the article has enough of the "living in fear of the Dark Lord" angle to not have to mention it at every failing. That just becomes repetitive.
 * 50) *Your subsequent explanation of Vader's desire to capture Solo and the others in lure of Skywalker could benefit from an explanation that Vader initially believed Skywalker to be aboard the Falcon (see pg. 83 of the novel). He later changed his plan to capture Solo, etc. on advice from Boba Fett. (See: The Ultimate Visual Guide).
 * 51) **Well, I'm working from the information given, and the information given tells me that Fett gave Vader the idea of capturing Solo and the Falcon long ago.
 * 52) *You're missing detail here. Please explain how Vader ordered Piett to employ "every available ship" to "sweep the asteroid field" until they were found? "TIE/sa bombers were dispatched to try and force Captain Solo out, but to no avail."
 * 53) **That's semantics. Fixed anyway.
 * 54) *Wow. How could you leave out the bit about Piett seeing Vader unmasked before the asteroid report...?
 * 55) **Because it's pretty trivial. Naturally, it's in there now.
 * 56) *Could probably supplement this by explaining that the bounty hunters were hired as a result of Piett's/the fleet's own inability/incompetence in capturing the Falcon: "To Piett's distaste, Vader summoned a group of bounty hunters to the Executor in order to make use of their services in locating the Millennium Falcon."
 * 57) **That's alluded to in the P/T.
 * 58) *Are you making this up? I'm not sure any source ever indicates exactly what the Avenger's transmission indicated, though I could be wrong. At any rate, this should not be referenced to ESB: "was within sight, and that capture was imminent"
 * 59) **It's exactly what the film cuts to, though. Still. De-specified.
 * 60) *Again, more detail here please. Should specify that Piett relayed Vader's order for the Star Destroyers of the fleet to each enter hyperspace along different trajectories it was calculated that the Falcon may have taken. You could even explain that the Falcon had in fact attached itself to the Avenger's bridge tower and was right under their noses: "Vader ordered Piett to disband the fleet in the search for the Millennium Falcon"
 * 61) **The information is presented as it comes to Piett, to avoid "little did he know"s. I don't see any problem with the detail level there at all, really.
 * 62) *This sentence isn't doing enough to explain exactly what transpired in this scene. You should better explain that Piett was more or less told that if he failed again, he would be killed: " The Dark Lord was not pleased, and made no hesitation in conveying his mood to the fearful Piett, who was sharply reminded of his predecessor's fate."
 * 63) **Ozzel died. That's specified earlier in the article. It's pretty clear.
 * 64) *What bait? You need to explain that Solo and his crew were captured by Vader on Cloud City, and that Skywalker was lured there, before finally escaping: "Sure enough, Vader returned from the city empty-handed, despite the fact that Skywalker had taken the bait"
 * 65) **From earlier: "With that ship and its crew of Han Solo, Leia Organa, C-3PO, and Chewbacca as bait, Vader was confident he could lure Luke Skywalker into a trap." Capture of Solo et al added, though.
 * 66) *You need to detail the scene in which Piett readies the boarding party, under Vader's command, to take control of the Falcon. You could even explain that Vader inquired as to whether or not Piett had deactivated the hyperdrive, and that the Falcon escaped after it was repaired. Just too much over-generalization here. You're missing details: "To Piett's surprise and fear, the Millennium Falcon successfully made the jump to lightspeed."
 * 67) **No, I'm summarizing events in a concise fashion, and not turning it into a play-by-play.
 * 68) *Weak explanation here. This goes way back to when you first say that Vader wanted Skywalker to "join his cause." What is his cause? Why is he joining? Should indicate in some capacity that Vader wanted him to turn to the dark side: "since Skywalker, his son, had refused to join him."
 * 69) **Clarification made earlier.
 * 70) *I'm not sure what promotion you're referring to here. If you're referring to his promotion admiral, this is really kind of off-kilter, since this happened about 6 months previously to the point where we're at in the article here.: "Hoping to survive his promotion, Piett was ordered to take an unpredictable route from system to system,"
 * 71) **Clarified.
 * 72) *The fleet's more direct responsibility before the attack was the protect the Death Star construction site. Should specify: "Piett was given command of the substantial Imperial fleet amassed at Endor to trap the Alliance"
 * 73) **Fixed.
 * 74) *Please pipelink shuttle class here: "went smoothly until the shuttle Tydirium"
 * 75) **Why?
 * 76) *Not exactly. I would consider the massive fleet and the operational superlaser as effective defensive measures: "The shield generator was the battlestation's only defense"
 * 77) **Changed.
 * 78) *Missing detail: the Emperor previously ordered the Executor and the fleet to the far side of Endor so that they would be hidden from the Alliance Fleet when it materialized from hyperspace. Then Piett brought the fleet around the moon and into position behind the fleet, trapping them between it and the Death Star. Please explain this.
 * 79) **Fixed.
 * 80) *Should indicate that the fleet was instructed to keep them from escaping: "Piett was given direct orders from Palpatine to not directly attack and engage the Alliance craft, and so his fleet began to suffer"
 * 81) **Already in there. "Piett's forces blocked the Alliance's escape vector"
 * 82) *"Point-blank tactics" is vague and doesn't really explain that the Alliance capital ships began attacking the Star Destroyers at point-blank range, which the Star Destroyers were unprepared for. Please elaborate/clarify: "from enemy General Lando Calrissian's point-blank tactics."
 * 83) **Clarified.
 * 84) *What does this mean? To battle unhindered? Not every Alliance starfighter went into the superstructure, and they still had to deal with the Alliance capital ships. I wouldn't exactly say the Imperial fleet battled unhindered: "leaving the capital ships to battle unhindered"
 * 85) **Removed.
 * 86) *Your quote heading the P&T is also incorrect. Again, please see the DVD captions.
 * 87) **Changed source.
 * 88) *I don't think this is exactly true. Vader picks Ozzel, a confirmed idiot, to head his ship just to keep an eye on him. See: Allegiance. "Vader chose to crew his ships with the Empire's finest officers, regardless of their politics and background."
 * 89) **Too bad, that's in the New Essential Guide to Characters.
 * 90) *Are you sure RAS says he could speak Huttese and not just understand it? One of the Han Solo Trilogy books establishes Huttese as a language that's all but impossible to speak for the Human vocal cords. If the RAS is just stupid and says that he can speak it, you should somehow explain that this his ability to do this is some kind of special: "Piett could speak Huttese as well as Basic"
 * 91) **Changed.
 * 92) ***Since it's a RPG stat, I'll leave it changed, but for future reference, I'm pretty sure Anakin speaks Huttese in The Phantom Menace, which would outmode the Han Solo Trilogy books, obviously. Thefourdotelipsis 12:29, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 93) *Hmm, not true. He first appeared in Donald F. Glut's novelization: "Admiral Piett first appeared in Irvin Kershner's Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, which was written by Lawrence Kasdan and Leigh Brackett"
 * 94) **Changed.
 * 95) *React so strongly how? Please elaborate a little bit: "something that the actor ultimately believed made audiences react so strongly."
 * 96) **There's a statement in there about him being a fan favourite.
 * 97) *You're missing a source in your list: The Empire Strikes Back: The National Public Radio Dramatization. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:08, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) **Added. Thefourdotelipsis 05:15, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 100) * A better intro tie-in from running Accuser to Executor would be nice.
 * 101) **I think that works OK as is...do you have any wording suggestions?
 * 102) ***Changed my mind on third read-through. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:37, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 103) * The deal about Ozzel and Vader and power in the fleet reads rather poorly. Why was he studying him? How did that make Ozzel annoyed? Could you sort that out some?
 * 104) **Added a bit of clarification that I think makes more sense. Lemme know if it needs more.
 * 105) * Redlinked sourced quote no good.
 * 106) **Mah mistake.
 * 107) * Wizards of the Coast search turns up 33 hits. While most of them will probably not be usable, please sort through them and add the few sources appropriately. Link here:
 * 108) **Ah, thanks. Only a few of them were something, but that's something. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 01:16, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:06, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) From the cockpit of Xwing328
 * 111) *The paragraph starting, "Vader would not be deterred however..." seems to have almost no relevance to Piett. It's just focused on Vader's actions.
 * 112) *"Ozzel, however, made a tactical blunder..." I don't like the transition into this paragraph. It starts with "however," as if this sentence should be in contrast to something else. Sorry if I didn't explain that well...
 * 113) *"The Death Star was unable to use its superlaser against the enemy craft..." This makes it sound like the Death Star never fired. Maybe reword to say, "The Death Star could no longer use..."
 * 114) *"...with Palpatine dying his first death..." That's a confusing sentence for people not familiar with the Emperor's clones. —Xwing328 (Talk) 21:19, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Comment
 * Thanks to Ozzel, who helped sort some things out (Jaymach, Eyrezer and Jedimca0 too. And some other people, I'm sure.) Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * "[...] after ferrying Vader to the incomplete battle station to oversee the final phases of construction." In ROTJ, Vader's shuttle lifts off from the Avenger, not from the Executor. Did Windham mess up here?. --Borsk Fey'lya  Talk 14:07, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually, the SOTE comic shows him on the Executor as well. But neither actually say he takes the shuttle from the Executor. So...he must have transferred to the Avenger, then gone to the DSII. No, it doesn't make sense to me either. Thefourdotelipsis 22:15, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inq/1 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:41, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I can (with great difficulty) ignore the first name usage in this instance. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:21, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 14:25, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Cull Tremayne 08:24, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) There's info missing from Galaxy 5 which I would be happy to help you out with if you would just quit dodging me in IRC! :-P -- Ozzel 19:52, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Thanks for the scans. I should be able to add it in the morning. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:49, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Sorted. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:40, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Great! -- Ozzel 21:48, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 6) * "Vicious" is POV: "Cypher Bos was a vicious Nalrithian [[bounty hunter]"
 * 7) **Changed.
 * 8) * This is a bit confusing. You say he worked for the Empire and for Jabba, but then wants a place among the Rebellion. Is he infiltrating the Alliance? Please clarify: "hoping to kill Phoedris and take his place as a member of the Alliance to Restore the Republic"
 * 9) ** I see that you mention this later on in the paragraph. This should be explained initially.
 * 10) ***Should be fixed.
 * 11) * Please explain what this mental link is. Something inherent to his species? "after using his mental link with Phoedris to learn many secret Rebel codes"
 * 12) **Any better?
 * 13) * POV: "A vicious, greedy being"
 * 14) **Reworded.
 * 15) * Please reword to say he used a transport as his transportation. Redundant: "He used a YT-1300 Corellian transport as his main method of transportation"
 * 16) **I've removed all mention of it except for the Equipment section, since all we know is that he owned it.
 * 17) * Cause who lasting harm? He, or his brother? This reads ambiguously: "which would ensure that the pain he would share with Phoedris during their inevitable confrontation would not cause him any lasting harm"
 * 18) **Clarified.
 * 19) * I believe you're trying to say here that he smelled the scents of others to detect him, but this really is reading that he somehow utilized a scent by his own doing to detect them, which I don't think is the case: "and he used scents to recognize other species."
 * 20) **Should be cleared up.
 * 21) *Good BTS. Cleaned up some of my own confusion. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:57, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **Thanks. And thanks for the copyedit/review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:15, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) From the cockpit of Xwing328
 * 24) *"...he was often taken by surprise when someone managed to disarm him, such as when Han Solo threw his gun-belt at the Nalrithian." Cypher said Han was the first to disarm him, so how could he often be taken by surprise?
 * 25) *"reduced the amount of pain he felt when in combat" They worked any time he felt pain, right? Not just in combat?
 * 26) *I don't think it's required yet, but if the images could be categorized, that would be great. Thanks, and good work so far! —Xwing328 (Talk) 23:13, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 28) *"The third, Phoedris Bos, was considerably stronger than the two Cypher had killed, so he was more reluctant to engage him in combat." – Please reword with more clarity.
 * 29) *"He worked &mhellip; he worked" in one sentence is a bit heavy. Please change.
 * 30) *Quotation marks around "Cypher" in the middle bio section seem unnecessary. Please discuss.
 * 31) *"the fear he could sense when in the presence of others" – Please reword and specify.
 * 32) *First paragraph of the P&T reads disjointed when the last sentence is added. Can a transition be made?
 * 33) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:21, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I've been unable to find out who voiced him, though someone who has a physical copy of the thing might know. Also, I haven't referred to him as just "Bos" because he's only ever called "Cypher Bos" or "Cypher." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:41, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * According to this, the actors were not credited, so I guess we may never know. -- Ozzel 21:53, 20 April 2008 (UTC)

(6 Inqs/1 User/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) "...if said images are available." Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Interesting...  Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 22:36, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 04:30, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1,032 words. Oh, you're good. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 14:43, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 04:55, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:30, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:01, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Can we get some more explanation on the indertictor project? It's not that clear to me atm what that was all about. --Eyrezer 03:50, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Minor things:
 * 3) * Could you give a little context on what alazhi is?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:06, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Done.
 * 5) * I don't know if this sentence is necessary, as you've already mentioned this: "At some stage prior to the Imperial Period, the planet's natives, the Delrakkin, built Delrakkin City."  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:06, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **I think it's highly relevant to both sections, so I'm not totally sure. Suggestions? Thefourdotelipsis 06:02, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Could you move the "prior to the Imperial Period" part up one section? I feel like you say the same thing four or five times about Delrakkin City throughout the article, and this seems to be the place where it's easiest to remove it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:13, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ****Done. Thefourdotelipsis 23:59, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 10) * "Delrakkin had constantly stormy weather, but apart from that, its climate was very similar to that of Thyferra.". And that is, namely . . .? Even if it's listed that way in the source, please give more detail. FWIW, I don't recall Thyferra having unending rain. That's more like Jabiim, or maybe Haruun Kal, but I don't blame you since it looks to me like that's from the source.
 * 11) **Well, it's apart from the unending rain and the storms and such. Thyferra is what's mentioned in the source, and it's the most relevant because...that's where bacta comes from.
 * 12) * "The battle station was carrying a vast shipment of lethal contaminated bacta," The bit about the bacta doesn't read particularly well. Perhaps something like a "a shipment of poisoned bacta large enough to facilitate the extermination of the whole populace."
 * 13) **Good, yes.
 * 14) * Link to the battle on Delrakkin please.
 * 15) **It's more of a massacre with one person fighting back. So I've linked to Massacre on Delrakkin.
 * 16) * A bit more context on Skeezer please. A couple words would do.
 * 17) **Yeppers.
 * 18) *One last thing: "Stormy" is not a climate. Not ever, unless the source explicitly says that.
 * 19) **I believe it does. It's a kids book. :P But I'll get back to you on that one. Thefourdotelipsis 23:54, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Hmm. I can't find it in the book, if it did exist, but it is a real word. What should I be using instead? Thefourdotelipsis 08:25, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ****It has nothing to do with stormy not being a word and everything to do with no climatologist ever calling anything a "stormy climate." Given that the planet is similar to Thyferra, I'd go with "tropical". Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:05, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:41, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) Toprawa's Silver Hammer:
 * 24) * I believe per our quote "policy," the intro quote should be in Quote format, not Dialogue
 * 25) **Done.
 * 26) * In the first paragraph of the intro, you use the word "planet" five times in three sentences, and it becomes a bit obtrusive to read. Please reword to mix it up a little bit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:17, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Tweaked; let me know if it needs more. Thefourdotelipsis 10:02, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:01, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * They're not, in other words. Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

(5 Inq/2 User/7 Total)
Support
 * Yes, it's stupid. Yes, not everything makes sense. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:56, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) One of the heroes of the early Rebellion, as Lando called him.Tocneppil 19:52, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:59, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:37, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:16, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Curious stuff. Solid work. Thefourdotelipsis 08:43, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Not that stupid. Pretty neat, actually. - Lord Hydronium 01:08, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Er, the intro confuses me. "...hero of the Rebel cause who disappeared for many years having dedicated himself to a pacifist way of life. ... becoming the public face of the opposition for a time around 3 ABY. ... In 3 ABY, the City of Dreams was visited by outsiders for the first time, when Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca inadvertently created a rent in Sunn-Childe's dimension..." So he became the face of the Rebellion in 3 ABY, disappeared for several years, and then was found by Lando in 3 ABY? -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:06, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Typo; should've been 3 BBY. Fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:15, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa's Merciless Hammer:
 * 3) * I believe you mean to say dent here, not rent. Please confirm/change as necessary: "when Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca inadvertently created a rent in Sunn-Childe's dimension"
 * 4) **"Rent" is the word used in the comic. I'm happy to find an alternative if you wish.
 * 5) ***I'm really not sure what to tell you here. I don't know what a "rent" is in a dimension. I kind of suspect it's a typo in the comic. *shrugs* Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:16, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * This sentence reads a bit awkwardly with two clauses beginning with "which." Please reword and/or breakup: "Sunn-Childe was not harmed by the flames, which awed the M'usts, who had never seen anyone survive immersion in the fire, which they considered a deity."
 * 7) **Reworded.
 * 8) * You've already stated this. Please remove or otherwise reword: "Sunn-Childe's power allowed him to turn any of his dreams into reality,"
 * 9) **Altered.
 * 10) * This is a bit off-kilter here to randomly call him a Socorran, when no introduction is employed to identify him as such previously. Please reword: "He told the Socorran"
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * At the end of the paragraph starting "Although awed," can you add a little bit explaining what happened as a result of their exchange? It just seems like there's no resolution. They're debating on how to fight the Empire, and then Calrissian is leaving
 * 13) **I'd added a bit of clarification, which will hopefully resolve the objection. Things are a bit wacky in the issue, so making sense of them can sometimes be difficult. ;-)
 * 14) ***Good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:16, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * This doesn't read well. Please introduce this to read smoother: "He was not without doubts, however;" Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:38, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Better? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:48, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Yes, reads smoother. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:16, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * "In 3 ABY, outsiders visited the City of Dreams for the first time, when Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca inadvertently created a rent in Sunn-Childe's dimension after a hyperdrive malfunction, but the Millennium Falcon had been followed by a fleet of Imperial Star Destroyers; Sunn-Childe was eventually forced to break his vows and conjure great beasts to fend off the Imperials, though he immediately changed his mind." This is a bit...large. "mates" seems a bit informal; perhaps "comrades" would work better? "The only way to destroy them was to take them back inside himself," confuses me a tad...what do you mean here? Also, can you really "lay siege" to a warship? All in all though, very solid work. Thefourdotelipsis 11:58, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Should be all fixed. As for the "taking them back inside himself," it's not really elaborated upon in the comic; I've tried to clarify, though I'm not sure I'd be able to any more. Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:11, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * If someone could upload better images, that would be appreciated. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:56, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Stupid? I object! :) --Eyrezer 00:48, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inq/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) As co-nominator.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:03, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Co-Kajibbly. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 00:05, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:03, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Addressed in IRC.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:12, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 00:23, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 2) * Jedi Civil War could use some context in the intro, especially that the bombing was part of the conflict.
 * 3) **Added context.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Some information regarding the history surrounding the Exile's visit should be included in the intro.
 * 5) **Added history.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * First sentence of "Layout" should either be broken up or punctuated consistently; it currently shifts from commas to semicolons.
 * 7) **Broken up and fixed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "The latter was similar in style to the one seen at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant during that era; in addition, the exterior was outwardly similar to the Temple on the Galactic Republic's capital world." – This needs to be sourced.
 * 9) **Sourced.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Four artificially-created towers rose up around the perimeter of the academy's exterior, with one at each point on the compass." – Their origins and positions in relation to the planet are not established, if I remember correctly.
 * 11) **Reworded.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Last sentence of "Layout" should probably either be moved or paraphrased into "History." Also, no information on the Polar Irrigation System itself, its purpose? Furthermore, some information on the war itself should be added, including some context from Revan, who is referred to out of the blue in the next paragraph.
 * 13) **Sentence transposed, context added for Jedi Civil War. Please advise if more tweaking is desired.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * "It was the ability &hellip; to be able to" is a bit awkward.
 * 15) **Fixed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * The First Jedi Purge could use a little setup, since it is a key focus of the game.
 * 17) **Added some more context.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * Can the parenthetical statement be moved into the prose? I don't really care for parentheses, which read more like casual asides. In this statement, a passing mention is made of the Katarr incident, which I believe should be laid out.
 * 19) **Done.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Kreia and Citadel station need some context, as well as Nihilus's nature.
 * 21) **Elaborated more on these events.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:54, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * So does Malachor V.
 * 23) **Put up some context.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:54, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Oh, please kill the "fate remains unknown" line, as it is speculative in nature. Better to just leave it at what we do know.
 * 25) **Killed it dead.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * No BtS? Nothing to offer up, even from Team Gizka? Please respond to this here, if there is nothing to add.
 * 27) **I'll ask Red about more stuff to add to the BtS.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *A bit of advice: In writing articles for GA, FA, or anything, I would assume that the reader only has a basic understanding of Star Wars, and not the Expanded Universe. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:15, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) Googly Moogly:
 * 30) * "The Academy was hidden within a large plateau in the polar region of Telos IV that had been used to house the Telos Polar Irrigation System, which had been abandoned after the Bombing of Telos IV during the early stages of the Jedi Civil War, in 3,959 BBY." This really needs to be split up into a couple sentences IMO. "which had been" right after "that had been"? Also, I'm not sure you need the date there. You just mentioned the Jedi Civil War a sentence earlier, and neglected to mention the date, so why put it there? Makes the sentence look clunky.
 * 31) **Ouch, how'd that get by? Thanks for spotting that; it's been fixed.
 * 32) * "save for Atris and her Handmaiden Sisters." This could stand to be reworded. As it is now, it reads as though the Handmaidens are Atris' sisters.
 * 33) **Tweaked.
 * 34) * Please correct me if I'm wrong, but does this sentence require semicolons? Shouldn't commas suffice? "The building held a hangar that was large enough to accommodate a starship the size of a light freighter; storage rooms; separate quarters for any on-site personnel; a private meditation chamber for Atris; and a chamber for a Jedi Council to meet."
 * 35) **I'm not sure who would be right in this case, so I went ahead and switched the semicolons out for commas.
 * 36) * In the "Layout" section, you use "similar" three times in fairly quick succession, could a different word be inserted there to break up the monotony?
 * 37) **Done.
 * 38) * "Throughout the Jedi Civil War, Jedi holocrons and other materials and relics of historical value had been secretly evacuated from Dantooine to Telos." Jedi holocrons and other materials and relics of historical value? Mind rewording this to take out the second "and"? I see what you're doing, but it just reads awkwardly at first glance.
 * 39) **Reworked the first "and".
 * 40) * "delving into forbidden knowledge of the dark side in hopes of finding a way of defeating the Sith from within." Might read better if it was: "finding a way to defeat the Sith"?
 * 41) **So switched.
 * 42) * I can't believe I'm saying this, but "The only Jedi to ever come to the Academy was the Exile herself, and only because she had come to retrieve the Ebon Hawk," needs to be sourced for the gender. :S
 * 43) **LOL! Sure thing, buddy. ;-)
 * 44) * I'd like to see this reworded. "Eventually, Atris was proven to be wrong in her belief that the Sith would not attack Telos twice. Kreia, who sought revenge upon not only the Sith Triumvirate she had created as Darth Traya," Basically because her seeking revenge upon a three person government isn't exactly correct...since she's not seeking revenge on herself is she? I just think it could be worded better to avoid confusion.
 * 45) **If I understand your meaning correctly, there you go. Please advise if you'd like a further rewording.
 * 46) * "The Exile, who had found out about Nihilus's intentions and Kreia's disappearance from Atton, raced to do battle with Sith forces as they attempted to disable the massive orbital complex known as Citadel Station, which was the basis for the Telosian Restoration Project, before confronting and ultimately defeating the Sith Lord aboard his flagship, the Ravager." This is quite a long sentence, and it loses its point about halfway through when we hit the mention of the Citadel Station. Mind splitting it up so as not to lose focus? Also, is there a reason Atton is not linked here, but is linked in the next section?
 * 47) **Broken up and reworded.
 * 48) * "However, following the reactivation of the Mass Shadow Generator and subsequent destruction of Malachor, the Exile departed for the Unknown Regions," Why is "However" used here? You already told us that the Exile didn't return to known space with them didn't you? Or am I missing the point?
 * 49) **Seemed like a good idea at the time. Removed.
 * 50) * "While Atris meditated with her large collection of Sith Holocrons in an attempt to unlock the secrets to defeating them," Earlier you say that Atris had the holocrons in order to figure out a way to defeat the Sith. This clause seems to suggest that she was trying to defeat the holocrons themselves. Which is the case?
 * 51) **Whoops. Reworded.
 * 52) *Due to Brianna not being with you if you play as a female, shouldn't there be some citations regarding Brianna taking up the mantle of Jedi Historian from Atris? I ask because it's not mentioned in the BtS. Is there a different fate for the Academy if you plays as a female?
 * 53) *Good work sir. Cull Tremayne 05:29, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 55) *Please add a little context to explain what the Star Forge is: "and, if possible, to destroy&mdash; the Star Forge"
 * 56) *Who are these two members? Please specify: "not only the other two members of the Sith Triumvirate that she had created as Darth Traya"
 * 57) *Not exactly what you're intending to say here. The Jedi Council exiled the Force? " but also the Jedi Council who had exiled her and even the Force itself,"
 * 58) *I would recommend largely rewriting the paragraph beginning "Eventually, Atris was proven wrong..." You jump around to a number of different concepts and it becomes very confusing. By the time I get to the end, I'm lost. Additionally, a lot of that seems like extraneous, fluffy material. I'm not sure what most, if any, of it has to do with the Academy itself.
 * 59) *Kinda going along with the previous objection, I'm not sure what this sentence specifically has to do with the Academy itself: "After the Exile and her party traveled to Malachor V, intent on ending the threat posed by Darth Traya, confronting and killing her at the core of the ancient Trayus Academy, the rest of the Jedi, except for the Exile, returned to known space in order to revive the Order."
 * 60) *Who, specifically, is saying this? "Brianna was said to have returned to the Telos Academy"
 * 61) *Again, not sure what this has to do with the Academy itself: "Following the reactivation of the Mass Shadow Generator and subsequent destruction of Malachor, the Exile departed for the Unknown Regions, in search of Revan and the threat from the True Sith that he sought to halt." Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:49, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Being sourced as you read this; co-nominated along with Greyman.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:03, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/2 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 09:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 07:38, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --CT-5619 helmet comlink 20:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 21:55, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) *"Bly and his troops hunted for Shu Mai, a powerful member of the enemy Confederacy of Independent Systems." In this case, "member of the enemy" sounds a bit awkward. Perhaps rephrasing it to something like "...Shu Mai, who was a member of the Separatist Council, the governing body of the..."
 * 3) **Reworded.
 * 4) ***Still not there yet.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 15:56, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Could you make some suggestions here, please? I don't quite see the problem.
 * 6) * "As a clone commander, it was Bly's job to act as an intermediate between the Jedi Generals and the regular clone troopers." The term should be "intermediary," no?
 * 7) **Ah, yes. Fixed.
 * 8) * "His ship had also sustained heavy damage and crashed on the planet as well." Please rephrase.
 * 9) **Reworded.
 * 10) * "but any attempt at stealth was abandoned when the Noghri sprung a surprise attack." Please rephrase; "when the natives ambushed the party" suggested.
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) *"Retreating into the temple, Bly had one trooper stay behind and hold off the attackers, per standard procedure. When that trooper died, another would stop and take his place as rear guard." Please rephrase and consolidate these two sentences.
 * 13) **I'm not quite sure how that would work, or what the problem is with the current sentence. Could you be more specific?
 * 14) ***I mean that the two sentences need to be merged; as they are, they're redundant and sloppy. Think military parlance if that helps.
 * 15) ****I'm going to have to disagree with you on that point. I'll try and get a third opinion.
 * 16) * "Although the Jedi worked as a team to extract the device, the trap was triggered. Fortunately for the trio, no one was hurt, allowing them to escape the temple unharmed." Again, please rephrase and consolidate.
 * 17) **Why does this need to be consolidated? I don't quite follow here.
 * 18) ***Because you use the phrase "worked as a team" only two sentences prior. Again, please merge the two sentences to achieve greater clarity and brevity.
 * 19) ****Changed the earlier sentence.
 * 20) *****Meh.
 * 21) * "Bly, roused into consciousness, shot Vos in the shoulder and then fired to kill." Please clarify...was he aiming to kill with the first shot?
 * 22) **This isn't really clarified in the comic, so it's kept ambiguous to avoid any assumptions about the event.
 * 23) ***I'd still like to see it reworded; as it stands, the sentence is also a bit awkward.
 * 24) ****Reworded.
 * 25) * "Following the Honoghr operation, Bly and Secura served a tour of duty on Anzat." Could this be elaborated upon? If not that's understandable.
 * 26) **Strange one, that. Secura goes to Anzat later in the war, but Databank seems to think that Bly fought in a tour of duty there. There's really nothing to be expanded upon in terms of Bly's role. It's not even meant to be the same trip. I think it's probably a mistake, but we obviously can't make that assumption.
 * 27) ***Fair enough.
 * 28) * "In 19 BBY, Secura, Bly and the 327th Star Corps were dispatched to Saleucami, where a prolonged siege was taking place." What were they besieging, and why?
 * 29) **That's the next sentence.
 * 30) ***The next sentence says something about Morgukai in undergroud tunnels, but not why the Republic is laying siege to the city itself. Is the objective to halt the Morgukai cloning? Details, details!
 * 31) ****"The Confederacy was using underground caves below the planet's capital to clone Morgukai warriors, who were subsequently trained by the Anzati." It's generally accepted that in war, you don't want the enemy getting more soldiers and resources. Furthmore, the sentence right after that one states "As these clones would be deadly warriors and an extremely effective tool for the Confederacy, the Republic hoped to nip the situation in the bud."
 * 32) *****Meh. Did a bit of tweaking of my own. Should be alright now.
 * 33) * Please add some context for Tol Skorr, as he appears out of the blue.
 * 34) **Well, there's the "Dark Acolyte" link there to be clicked, and he's kind of an aside to Bly's role in the story.
 * 35) ***He still jumps into the article seemingly at random. I suggest adding "At some point," just before the link to Dark Acolyte.
 * 36) ****Added an "eventually"
 * 37) *The transition between the second and third paragraphs of the Saleucami section is a bit awkward.
 * 38) **Could you be more specific about that?
 * 39) ***You leave the second one at "the battle proved to be nothing but a diversion" and start the next one with "Rancisis was found dead in his chambers". It could therefore be assumed by one who knows the series that the mission alluded to in the second was to distract Republic troops from the assassin's mission to kill Rancisis, but to a layperson it's rather unclear. Context is needed.
 * 40) ****Is it really, though? Again, I'm afraid I have to disagree, but I'll ask around.
 * 41) *"the large planetary gun" What kind of gun was this?
 * 42) **The model is not specified in the comic. Basically, it's a big gun that shoots at things. ;)
 * 43) ***How droll. :-) Perhaps you could be a bit more specific, as "large planetary gun" sounds a bit inane.
 * 44) ****What..."a large planetary gun that shot things at ships"? I can only work with what I'm given.
 * 45) * "sent to Felucia to track down Confederate Shu Mai some weeks prior" Again, more context for Shu Mai is desired.
 * 46) **Context added.
 * 47) * "Shortly after the death of Secura, the Republic became the Galactic Empire." Bit of a lame transition, that.
 * 48) **Bit of context added.
 * 49) ***Good enough to be getting along with.
 * 50) * "Bly and fellow trooper CT-6734 (or "Galle")" Please remove the parentheses.
 * 51) **...why?
 * 52) ***Because parentheses are unencyclopedic.
 * 53) ****How so? This is something I've not heard of.
 * 54) *****Right. Fixed it for you anyway.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:41, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) *"Zonder had been executed by Vader in days prior." Please rephrase and consolidate with the preceding sentence.
 * 56) **The prior sentence is already a bit long, methinks.
 * 57) ***Rephrasing is still desired; as it stands, this sentence is rather vague and disjointed considering the flow of the paragraph.
 * 58) ****Again, I'll ask around.
 * 59) *"Tremayne was not fooled, however, detecting a speeder leaving the area." How did he detect the speeder?
 * 60) **Unclear in the source. Thefourdotelipsis 02:07, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ***That sentence, as well as the one immediately after, is still a bit awkward.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 15:56, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Once more, I just can't agree there. I apologise. Thefourdotelipsis 10:11, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * While "unbeknownst" may be a word, it is rather supercilious and unencyclopedic. Please reword.
 * 64) *TIMMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:20, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(2 Inqs/3 User/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) He has a pimp cape for a reason. Cull Tremayne 10:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Proof that courting for money ends in chaos. Darth Xadún 08:19, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Excellent. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:54, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Marvel love &gt; character FA hate. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 14:25, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Funky Enochf 17:58, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Holocron of Darth Xadún -
 * 2) * I feel "At a point where Sarna had come of age, she was visited by Lando Calrissian, who began courting her heavily" could be phrased better.
 * 3) **Hmmm, any suggestions?
 * 4) *** Try "Soon after Sarna came of age, She was courted by Lando Calrissian".
 * 5) ****Replaced.
 * 6) * "She refused to allow the Droghedans self-rule" doesn't make grammatical sense. I recommend inserting "the opportunity to self rule" or something to that effect.
 * 7) **Added.
 * 8) * The Biography ends fairly abruptly. Although this is pointed out this the "Behind the Scenes" section, are there any prospective plans Sarna has? Either way, the conclusion for the Biography could do with improving.
 * 9) **The last panel of the comic is Sarna arguing with Lando as they fly from the system. The only plans she has are the ones I already mentioned, "to convince Calrissian to join her in a new caper, with her as the brains and Calrissian as the brawn." Any suggestions here?
 * 10) ***Hmmm. didnt know that - I dont have the source, all my comments were subjective. sorry. In that case, I would say remove her fate bieng uncertain from the BtS section, twiddle it a bit, and whack it at the end of the Bio.
 * 11) ****I know what your saying, but it's kinda frowned upon to put "her final fate was unknown" in the bio. I think it might be better to just leave the explanation of the abrupt ending to her story in the BtS. Though if you have a better way to do it, I'm open to reworking it. Cull Tremayne 05:47, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *****Fair point. Nothing comes to mind for a better way. Darth Xadún 08:19, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Are there any better quotes for the "Personality and traits" section? preferably showing a particular characteristic. I think you should expand this section if possible. Use examples of events that show her personality.
 * 14) **Heh. I thought Calrissian calling her a "backstabbing shrew" was showing one of her characteristics. :P I'll switch it with something else, but not sure how much better it will be. There's not a whole lot of relevant quotes relating to her personality. Also, there aren't really too many other verifiable traits that I can mention to expand this section. I added a couple other mentions, but there's not too much else that can be added. Thanks for the review. :D Cull Tremayne 02:33, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *** I like the new quote - although i cant tell the context, it makes her sound quite ruthless (although Lando would say 'firey'...). A lot of things for P&T can be derised from her attitudes to others, and the reactions she has to them (you can tell by a character's expressions in the pictures a lot of the time). Ambition usually begats toughness, determination, selfishness etc. If you can't find anything though, don't worry. I just like to know what a character acts like when I'm unfamilier to them! Darth Xadún 21:03, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Minor expansion given. Squeezed as much as I could into it. :P Cull Tremayne 05:47, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) Toprawa's Silver Hammer:
 * 18) * Infobox must be sourced
 * 19) **D'oh.
 * 20) * The two "people's" don't read well here. Please reword: "and replacing it with a government of the people was fresh in the minds of the people"
 * 21) **Dang that's an ugly sentence. Replaced the second mention with "Droghedans". Does that read any better?
 * 22) ***Yup, perfect.
 * 23) * Two things here. Please reword to avoid ending subsequent clauses in the same word, "citadel." Also, I think it would be better to say that she detonated the explosives within the munitions room, not detonating the room itself: "Danu signaled her allies by detonating the munitions room inside the citadel, and the revolutionaries attacked the citadel."
 * 24) **Good point. Split into two sentences, and switched the second "citadel" to "fortress".
 * 25) * Is it at all possible to pipelink a specific star system here? "and the two began to bicker as they left the system."
 * 26) **As far as I know, the system that includes Drogheda isn't known. It's not in either of the two sources that I worked from anyway. The planet is in the Teraab sector is as far as I know, and Lando only mentions leaving the system rather than the sector. I pipelinked "star system" for now.
 * 27) ***Cool. I was going to link to star system in case nothing else could be added.
 * 28) * I'm not sure what our policy on this even is, but would it not be best to format the P&T quote into the simple quote format, rather than dialogue? Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:37, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **I remember that being mentioned in a previous nom, so I'll switch it to a quote template. Thanks for the copyedit and review. I would have never thought to link to "blood". :P Cull Tremayne 05:45, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***Glad to help. :) Blood and Death are my favorite articles. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:54, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I read the first sentence and burst out laughing. No because of the writing, but because it's, well, funny. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:13, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) This is my first forage on to this page. I hope it goes well. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:34, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Cull Tremayne 19:10, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Stuff
 * 2) * Intro could stand to be expanded. I'd like to see at least two paragraphs that summarize her actions in the series. Maybe the first summarizing her history with the Krath (going to Onderon, creating a coup, etc.) and the second summarizing her actions in the Great Sith War?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * No header for the first section under "Biography"?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Am I missing something, or why is Ommin not linked in the first section?
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "Curious about the ancient Sith text, Ommin was pleased by these two potential Sith initiates, and so agreed to help them." The beginning clause here doesn't seem to agree with the rest of the sentence. He was curious about the text, so then he became pleased by the two initiates? Some rewording might be desirable.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Why is Korus not linked in the Trouble for the Republic section?
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "During a visit to her uncle's carbonite processing facility, Aleema, along with Satal, caused an uproar when their escort Korus revealed that his tongue had been replaced with an adegan eel. Reeling with anger, Lord Keto demanded that she and Satal be arrested. The Keto cousins had other plans, however, and Aleema again used her newfound talents to turn the guardsmen's weapons into illusory snakes that drove them into despair." This whole section could stand some rewording. Korus "revealed" that his tongue had been replaced? Why not just tell us that Aleema did the deed? "Drove them into despair" is an odd bit of wording and brings us out of the topic at hand.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "Some time later, Aleema and Satal used Krath war droids disguised as servitors to attack the Conclave on Deneba, where the Jedi had gathered to discuss the growing Krath threat." Is servitor the best word here?
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * No mention of Aleema being present when Exar came to confront Ulic? I mean, the picture in the powers section is her casting her spells at Exar isn't it? And yet nothing on that encounter?
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * To build on that, the transition points in this section are almost non-existent. You go from Satal being cut down, then jump to the duel on Kuar, then you jump backwards to Exar Kun having joined them in holy war. This could really use some general clean-up, at least so that the events are placed in a proper chronological sequence.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * For the Fatal Betrayal section, if I didn't actually know the plot, I would have no idea what was going on. You mention Sadow's use of the Corsair, which has little relevance to Aleema, but then you jump backwards to Exar teaching her how to use the ship. This is odd, because earlier, you were talking about how she was already at Kemplex IX with the ship. You should go back and probably rewrite this section, beginning with Ulic's plan to betray her, then Exar teaching her how to use it, and then finally her attack on the station and death.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) ***Much better.
 * 23) * "The way was now clear for Aleema to govern the Krath exclusively, and with Qel-Droma by her side she became even more brash and arrogant, fully believing in the strength of her powers." This sentence in the P&T is almost in the present tense for the beginning. Really needs to be reworded.
 * 24) **Gotcha. Addressed.
 * 25) * You mention in the Powers and Abilities section that the Krath Enchanter nearly crashed on Onderon, however, this event isn't mentioned in the main biography? Is there any reason why it hasn't been mentioned?
 * 26) **This is explained in the "Coruscant endeavor" section. "Their yacht was shot down in the midst of a Republic rocket-jumper deployment, and crashed in the Onderonian capital of Iziz..."
 * 27) ***Missed that.
 * 28) *Nice job expanding this. Cull Tremayne 08:06, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **Thanks for looking, Cull. This was written before I had a real concept & grasp on how to write a Wookieepedia article. I'm glad that it is good enough to even garner any attention at all. If anything else is required, let me know & I'll be happy to fix it. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 17:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***Perfectly understandable. Good job here. Cull Tremayne 19:10, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 32) *You link "Tetan Monarchy" to the Empress Teta system in the infobox. Please link it to the actual monarchy article; if there is not an article, please create one
 * 33) *I'm not exactly sure what you mean by saying the battle brought light to the Sith power. Please clarify: "brought light to the Sith powers at work in Tetan space."
 * 34) *Please add a little bit here to explain that she caused a supernova: "She was later killed by her own actions when she caused the destruction of the Cron Cluster during the Battle of Kemplex IX"
 * 35) *Please link something to this "battle," or otherwise create an appropriate article: "They arrived on Onderon to find a massive battle taking place between Galactic Republic forces and the Naddists"
 * 36) *Not sure who you are referring to when you say, "he convinced," Ommin or Nadd?: "Nadd realized Ommin had failed in his task of restoring the glory of the Sith; instead, he convinced Aleema and Satal that they held the key to building a new Sith Empire and that he would guide them"
 * 37) *I'm not sure what this is saying. You introduced Korus as their escort, why say "Tutor"? "Tutor Korus would not survive the upstaging either"
 * 38) *From what I understand, the Empress Teta and Koros Major are one planet in the same. As such, it's important that you don't alternate between using both names for the sake of not confusing people, like myself. :P So, please make sure you stick to one, either "Empress Teta" or "Koros Major," and stick with it. I'm really referring to this sentence here, after you called the planet Koros Major in the previous section. Please go through and make sure everything is uniform: "He arrived on Empress Teta and made his way to Cinnagar,"
 * 39) *This goes along with the previous objection. You then call it Koros Major here. If this planet is indeed the same, this is extremely confusing: "During a skirmish on Koros Major,"
 * 40) **Here's another one: "refused to leave Koros Major with them."
 * 41) *Additionally, in that same sentence, please link to whatever "skirmish" we are talking about
 * 42) *Please elaborate on what Kun's "work" is. You should do this in the first sentence of this paragraph: "Kun was aware of this and saw Nadd's other students as potential threats to his work."
 * 43) *I'm not sure what this is exactly, but if it's just a cliche, please remove it: "one with a new firebrand stamped on his forehead"
 * 44) *There really isn't enough content under the "Legacy" section to warrant its own section. I would recommend expanding on it a little, but if you cannot, please merge those two sentences into the previous section
 * 45) *Did you not specify earlier that there were 10 stars in the Cluster? "and used it to destroy the nine stars of the Cron Cluster" Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:42, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(1 Inq/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 11:54, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 12:34, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Clears up Episode I confusion well Enochf 17:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Throne Room of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) *The second paragraph in Biography reads awkwardly. It jumps around, and the last half really doesn't flow. Ask if you need more clarification.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:21, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 4) *"perfected &hellip; perfectly" in the intro is a bit awkward; please change.
 * Image:Nottonyscott.JPG should be recaptured.
 * 1) *Were not the blasters concealed in the Queen's throne itself? I am confused.
 * 2) *Calling her an "extremely talented impersonator" in the P&T after making it sound as though her Amidala was a one-shot, luck-of-the-draw sort of thing in the bio doesn't mesh.
 * 3) *Nice BtS. I likee. Loved the article, actually. Private admission: I like Episode I. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:25, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 5) *This seems to read that she, along with her handmaidens, was the first in line, with them, to take the Queen's place. This sentence should be tweaked a little bit to more clearly separate that she was the most important handmaiden, independent of the others: "Along with the other handmaidens, Sabé was trained to serve as both an attendant and a bodyguard, and she was chosen to be the first in line to take the Queen's place in times of crisis, as a decoy."
 * 6) *You've got two paragraphs in a row beginning "Upon..." Please reword one to mix it up a little
 * 7) *I believe these guns were in the arm of the throne itself: "allowed Amidala retrieve the weapons hidden in the Queen's desk."
 * 8) *You might add a little bit someplace explaining the little bit from the Ep I Visual Dictionary of how her "distinctive battle dress allowed her maximum movement," but otherwise glad to see you got the info from there. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:14, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * This one's a bit of a golden oldie that I've recently expanded and revised, but it might seem like a bit of a Frankincense monster at the moment. I understand that the intro looks a bit big, but that's basically the nature of the beast, as it wouldn't really do to just summarize with "And she was her decoy for that thingy. Yeah." Also, if you see anything objectively wrong with the article, don't hesitate to change it! I'm not too protective of this. :) Thefourdotelipsis 11:54, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inq/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) As Culator said, these issues utterly failed to suck. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:19, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:14, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:40, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:02, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "Bey served under Admiral Gar Stazi and his flagship, the Indomitable" He served under the command of a starship? :-) Also, a link to flagship is desired. -- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:36, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Altered. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:54, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) The outcome of the battle is slightly hazy&mdash;I am not sure if you say what the outcome was, specifically, just that the Alliance had only lost some pilots, etc. Could you spell it out a little?  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:41, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Better? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:54, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 6) *For the sake of consistency and not being too confusing, I would say just refer to the planet as Mon Calamari, rather than Dac: "The Alliance fleet gathered near Dac, ready to attack the planet's shipyards"
 * 7) **And, that being said, please change all subsequent mentions of "Dac"
 * 8) *Your links to the Indomitable lead to a disambig page. Please rectify
 * 9) *Little context, please: "left Ronto alone against two fighters"
 * 10) *Excellent, Acky. You're refining your work to a point that my objections are almost negligible. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:37, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll update it when Bey inevitably shows up again. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:19, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Random fact: this'll probably be my fiftieth FA. :/ -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:05, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inq/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) As recommended after GA success. Darth Xadún 21:24, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 14:12, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I am proud to say I started this article, but of course all due credit goes to all those who expanded it and brught it up to GA/FA standards. Very nice work guys. --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:20, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:08, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 16:50, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * "Hetton was born on the Old Republic world of Serenno." Old Republic should instead perhaps read "Galactic Republic", with a link, as well as one for Serenno.
 * 3) **Changed. Darth Xadún 08:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * The sentence after should perhaps start with "He".
 * 5) **I dont see the point in changing this, I think it's fine as is. Any particular reason for the change? Darth Xadún 08:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Personal taste I suppose, but two consecutive sentences that start with the same word tend to be annoying. Meh.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:34, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * In the body of the article, the first mention of "dark side" needs a link. In addition, it is introduced rather abruptly, without any context as to whether it was his mother's intention to have him trained in the dark side.
 * 8) **Changed. Darth Xadún 08:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "So no one would discover Hetton's secret training, Loranda told Hetton to kill his Master." Fragmentary sentence, please revise.
 * 10) * "When Kaan began looking for Force-sensitives to join his Brotherhood of Darkness (1,006 BBY)" Please remove the parentheses and either link to the year or eliminate it entirely.
 * 11) **Changed. Darth Xadún 08:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Hetton was open to all races in his rebels" "Races" should be "species" with a link; as well, substitute "rebel group" for "rebels".
 * 13) **I've changed the races. Also, I disliked the "rebel group" sentence so I've altered it altogether. Darth Xadún 08:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***A couple more alterations made it better.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:34, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * "It is likely that Loranda" Inapprpriate present tense and speculation, please fix. -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:34, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ** Yes, I know. I have changed the tense. Unfortunately, whether Loranda supported Hetton in following the Dark Side is not clarified in the source (Darth Bane: Rule of Two). It can only be assumed she supported this choice as Loranda later wanted Hetton to join Kaan's Brotherhood. That's why i didn't add anything to begin with. Given this, would you prefer it removed altogether?
 * 17) *TIMMMMBERRRR!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:33, 27 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(1 Inq/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Lord Hydronium 02:53, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Informative with a chewy center! Cull Tremayne 12:37, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes! --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:18, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:39, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Stuff:
 * 2) * "&hellip;but allowed Organa to escape." Was this intentional, or through incompetence? Might be worth a mention, even if it's not wholly relevant.
 * 3) * Could the second subsection in the bio be split up? It looks a bit long in comparison to the other sections, at least IMHO.
 * 4) **Very nice. Had planned to do this guy myself. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:35, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * If you're wondering about the Purge Bow/Appo thing, check the BTS. If I've missed some declaration that it actually is Bow, though, do tell. - Lord Hydronium 02:53, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inq/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Lieutenant, golly! - Lord Hydronium 05:12, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Where does he get the galle to go off and do something like that? Thefourdotelipsis 08:31, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) It's got Erv Lekauf!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:36, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I keep seeing more and more Clonetrooper nominations. I love it, Nice work. --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:15, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Cull Tremayne 07:01, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:37, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:40, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Yolky:
 * 2) * "When Tremayne, Bly, and Galle arrived, the situation had been dealt with, and Vader informed Tremayne that Lo'gaan was his now." &mdash; who is "his" referring to here, Tremayne or Vader? "Was his now" might be worded a bit for clarity, too.
 * 3) *That's all. Nice work. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:07, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1,062 words. - Lord Hydronium 05:13, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/2 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Just passed GA.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:32, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Presuming there's no additional detail. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:55, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:55, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:51, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 2) * In the intro, "a trip back to Coruscant" reads a bit awkwardly, indicating a need for context.
 * 3) **Reworded.
 * 4) * Also, the stray sentence in the intro could be reworded and placed in the preceding paragraph.
 * 5) **Did so.
 * 6) * In the first paragraph of the bio, even I am a bit lost. Please go back over it and provide a bit of context and backstory. Don't be afraid to cite sources Lekauf did not appear in.
 * 7) **Could you be more specific?
 * 8) ***The Clone Wars, Order 66, Felucia&mdash;these all seem to be thrown in with little or no explanation. I realize the article is about Lekauf, but If someone as versed in the EU as I am has no idea what the significance of this or that is, the casual reader has no hope. Graestan ( Talk ) 19:50, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Added a little context. Hope that suffices.
 * 10) * "claiming he needed to ensure that he had better security" – Are we talking about Vader or the other guy? Please specify.
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * We're talking about the Cuis incident more from Vader's point of view, so why is Cuis initially identified as an Emperor's Hand? Also, Lekauf's role in this assassination attempt seems to have either been downplayed in the article, or perhaps he had no role. Please revisit this portion of the bio.
 * 13) **Again, could you explain what you mean?
 * 14) ***Did Lekauf have anything to do with the Cuis assassination attempt? It doesn't seem like he did, but you mention offhand that Vader was impressed with his loyalty. All in all, I don't think the description of the attempt belongs if Lekauf had no role in it, but if he did, it needs to be added. Graestan ( Talk ) 19:50, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ****Added something about Lekauf's part. However, that duel is important, though Lekauf had a minor part in it, because it demonstrates to Vader how much betrayal he will face in his lifetime, and he realizes how lucky he is to have Lekauf by his side.
 * 16) * "burned by fire" in that picture caption is pretty silly. Please reword.
 * 17) **Reworded.
 * 18) * It is never stated that Cuis was cloned, but his clones are referred to soon thereafter. Please rectify this.
 * 19) **It actually was already in the article.
 * 20) ***No, it isn't. It is stated that Cuis has samples taken from him, but no mention of any clones being produced is made. Graestan ( Talk ) 19:50, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Ah, I see what you mean. I'll fix it.
 * 22) *****Got it.
 * 23) * The word "clones" is a bit overused, in my opinion. Perhaps a suitable alternative or two could be found to make the prose less clones-heavy.
 * 24) **There's not exactly a lot of synonyms for clones. I don't really know what to do here.
 * 25) ***"Copies," "duplicates," etc.
 * 26) * Please set up why Sheyvan was present, what his mission was, etc.
 * 27) **Added a little context earlier, but it's never stated in the book, although one can assume he came because his master and his students were going.
 * 28) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:11, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) Ackbar:
 * 30) * You have "before 40 ABY" listed in the death field of the infobox, but you don't mention that he'd died by then in the bio.
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * The first sentence of the intro is a bit plain; adding something to the end of it (like "who served under Darth Vader" or something) would, IMHO, improve the intro.
 * 33) **Fixed.
 * 34) *** Better, but now the second sentence doesn't make sense.
 * 35) ****My bad.
 * 36) * I'd like to see the bio subsectioned.
 * 37) **Did. Could add one more subsection if it's needed.
 * 38) ***One more might be good, but it's not a big deal.
 * 39) * What was Vader's reaction to Lekauf's defying his orders? My apologies if there is none, but it looks like a loose end where it is.
 * 40) **Corrected.
 * 41) * In the third paragraph of the bio, Lekauf is only mentioned at the end; the last mention of him was his defying orders, so it's confusing why Vader was "impressed with his loyalty and courage"
 * 42) **Fixed.
 * 43) * It might be pertinent to mention Lekauf's family before their initial mention in the fourth paragraph.
 * 44) **There's not really a place to smoothly insert it before then. Anyway, it's pretty trivial.
 * 45) ***I think it ought to be mentioned, especially if he was "eager to return to his family;" it shows he was devoted or whatever.
 * 46) ****I feel I got it now.
 * 47) * Sheyven is introduced quite suddenly. Please explain how he got on the shuttle, etc.
 * 48) **See what I said to Graestan.
 * 49) ***It could still be a tad smoother. Something like "Sheyven attacked Vader and Lekauf" or somesuch should be inserted, rather than just "they faced off."
 * 50) ****Fixed.
 * 51) * "Lekauf and the clones..." It's a bit confusing which clones this is referring to; please clarify.
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) * Please explain what became of the Cuis clones and Sheyven.
 * 54) **Boom.
 * 55) * Rather than explaining it how it's presumably revealed in the source, you should start off by saying that Lekauf raised his grandson, and then deal with his career and all that.
 * 56) **He didn't have a grandson until after the events of the article. See what I said earlier. If you feel it's really necessary, I could put it at the very beginning.
 * 57) ***No, I mean you should start the final paragraph of the bio by saying that Lekauf had a grandson who he raised, and who then joined the GA. The way it is isn't in the proper order. EDIT: sorry, I see your confusion now. Hopefully I've clarified.
 * 58) ****Fixed.
 * 59) * It should probably also be stated that Lefauk had kids, too.
 * 60) **See above.
 * 61) ***I still think it's relevant, especially for someone with such limited info.
 * 62) ****Fixed.
 * 63) * First few sentences of the P&T are a bit short, and could be merged. The first should probably finish "loyal to the Empire" or something, also.
 * 64) **Fixed.
 * 65) * An overall increase in the level of detail, particularly stuff that Lekauf did, wouldn't go amiss. I'm not familiar with any of the source material, so there may not be additional detail, but please do what you can.
 * 66) **Told you on IRC.
 * 67) * Another thing I noticed: in the penultimate paragraph in the bio, things aren't in chronological order. As it is, it's said that the Cuis clones were defeated before they injured Lekauf. Also, please elaborate on "Vader's quick actions."
 * 68) **Fixed.
 * 69) **Interesting enough character from a stupid story. ;-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:13, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) From Fiolli:
 * 71) * The quote at the head of the biography section is Jori talking to Ben Skywalker. The last paragraph of the same section, however, says that Jacen Solo talked with Jori on this topic. Were both Ben and Jacen involved in this conversation or is one of these incorrect? If both are involved, make certain both names are included in both places of the article.
 * 72) **Fixed. He talks to both, at different times, so I added a little in the last paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:27, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) *Otherwise, nice work.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:45, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1,028 words. It's short, I know, but it's comprehensive. I've never done an FA on such a minor character before, so I am certainly open to changes or suggestions anyone has.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:32, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * It is now 1,200+ words (I believe).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:09, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * To everyone who read this article, thanks for the review.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:09, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/0 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) I just recently overhauled this article, to comply with current GA standards. I'd like to see where it goes from here. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 00:57, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Ackbar:
 * 2) * Unless there is so reason for doing so that I'm missing, "legitimate" doesn't seem necessary, IMHO.
 * 3) **Yeah, I said legitimate because during that time, Oron Kira became king through his marriage to Galia. Then Oron officially took over.
 * 4) ***Fair enough. I'm not sure it's strictly necessary without an explanation, but it's no biggie.
 * 5) *" &hellip;a conflict between the followers of Freedon Nadd against the Jedi Order, Galactic Republic, and Beast Riders from the planet's wilderness" is also, IMHO, unnecessary for the fist sentence of the intro, and a little confusing, too.
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * First paragraph of the intro is quite confusing. Try to keep things simple and keep things in chronological order.
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) ***Much better.
 * 10) * You mention twice that he was thought dead.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * This isn't particularly relevant to Ommin himself, but is it actually referred to as a Dark Side Army (with the capatalization)?
 * 13) **Yes, it's referred to as the "Dark Side Army", but it was only done so in the audio drama, and I capatilized it because it was given that name.
 * 14) * Each of the first three sentences in the "Sith training" section use some form of colon. I think it would read better if reworded to remove at least one of them.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) *Have you checked Tales of the Jedi Companion thoroughly for info? Two refs seems little, though I may be wrong.
 * 17) **I don't have the companion, so whatever is there that is referenced by it was already there. Stuff like that I tried not to change, because I knew I couldn't eactually verify it myself. If there is more, then I'll just have to find the damn thing somewhere & buy it :)
 * 18) **Sorted in IRC; let me know if there's any new stuff in it.
 * 19) *I'll read the rest of this later. It looks good, and I'm glad you've decided to try another FAN. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:33, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *Thanks much looking, Ackbar. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 17:03, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **No problem. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:48, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * This was a GA that I found one day to be seriously lacking. I didn't originally take it to GA but I wouldn't mind presenting this as my second forage. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 00:59, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) The Big Green Bunny himself. Cull Tremayne 04:43, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Great work. --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:14, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

Comments

(1 Inq/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Round two. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 18:18, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) The wheel in the sky keeps on turning...  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:09, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Great!--<font color="#9F0500">Squishy Vic <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 06:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * All the Naddist vehicles in the infobox should be linked to articles, even if they're those infamous conjecturally titled vehicle articles. And Republic trooper should be a redirect to something, most likely Republic Army. -LtNOWIS 19:11, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thank you for looking. Much of this information I got from the TOTJ/DLOTS audio, but I think that I can just pipelink the types of vehicles thse items are, as they are pretty much general use anyway. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 20:16, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Hmm, I guess we generally don't have conjectural articles for types of artillery, though we probably should. But the "Dark side assault shuttle" should have it's own article, as should the siege vehicles. You shouldn't link to war machine, as I believe that's a specific different model of vehicle. It's better to create a new, conjectural article like Jedi skiff. Or just keep it a redlink, since you can have a couple of those. -LtNOWIS 04:05, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thanks for the read! —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 13:54, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. -LtNOWIS 21:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the demented desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * The FAN template is not on the article. Please add it.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Expand the intro please.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Third paragraph has the wrong tense.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Link Satal and Aleema when they’re first mentioned.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * "In truth, they had come to Coruscant in search of knowledge of the ancient Sith, and more specifically, for anything related to the dark side." May just be me, but this sentence seems to need some rewording to me. Perhaps cut the part out about the Sith, because the dark side is more broad than the Sith, IMO.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "The real prize was Master Arca Jeth, whom King Ommin captured while Ulic and Warb Null dueled." A change to "attempted to capture" might be better.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * I don't see a link to Oron Kira before the last paragraph of Trouble in Iziz, so please link that.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * There needs to be some context between these two sentences. "The Ketos were able to escape the wreckage with their lives, and managed to seek out authentic practitioners of the dark side. These darksiders in turn brought them before Onderon's ruler, the Sith sorcerer King Ommin." How did they find a darksider?
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * De-link Oss, Tott and Cay the second time.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * These two sentences are a bit droll. "Nomi was alright, and told Ulic that it was an old man who attacked her through the Force. Ulic immediately knew it to be King Ommin. He told Nomi that Ommin ruled Onderon under the power of Sith magic, and that he also managed to subdue Master Arca with it."
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Again, please de-link Freedon Nadd and Tetan.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * Same with Ommin, Nadd and Tetan in Aftermath.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * No need for italics for Republic army and capitalize Onderon here: "It is here that she is chosen to lead not the Jedi, but the Republic Fleet in the battle for Onderon. Also, the other Jedi Knights that arrived on onderon in the comic with Nomi, were nowhere mentioned in the audio drama."
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:33, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks alot for looking, Chack. Anything else, please let me know. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 22:06, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Glad to help. I enjoy these WP:TOTJ articles.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:09, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 Users/0 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it. Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 14:59, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nightlily 16:53, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Fixed a bunch of typos; pretty impressive range, maybe not comprehensive, but a good review Enochf 17:53, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) No sources section. As NOWIS pointed out in IRC, there's likely loads of WEG stuff about torture. And I'd like to see an infobox come from somewhere. More elaboration on the Inquisitorius, too. And I'd like the appearances section to discern when the term "torture" is said. Also, and I know this is a bit complex, but can the whole first paragraph actually be sourced, or is it just real-world stuff? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:51, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Acky. I've been (kind of) monitoring work on this thing, and you've both done an admirable job, but I seriously doubt this article is comprehensive. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:35, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * For as much work as myself and my young partner Nightlily have put into this, we believe that this is where it can be definitively molded into a quality article. That being said, we finally believe it's ready for the big leagues! As always, open to critisisms/objections/comments, etc. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 14:59, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) I love Alliance Intelligence Reports. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:19, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * If anyone's wondering why I'm not calling him "Catharius," it's because "Tavier" is his family name. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:19, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/2 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Green Tentacle (Talk) 01:59, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Adamwankenobi 06:39, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

(0 Inq/0 User/0 Total)
Support

Oppose

Comments
 * No, I'm not voting for this one, either. Get over it. Havac 02:58, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * So why didn't you vote for this one? Cull Tremayne 05:36, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Something about being a stubborn bastard, I think. Havac 06:30, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/0 User/0 Total)
Support

Oppose

Comments
 * It's nice and short. Read it. Vote for it. Havac 06:30, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 User/0 Total)
Support Oppose Comments
 * 1) Done, finally. First crystal FA FTW! 04:00, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Missing content from Fact File 19. :P To the IRC, m'lad! Thefourdotelipsis 11:05, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Not anymore it's not. Thanks. 17:23, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Gentlemen, you may now commence picking apart the article. 04:00, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:17, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

(0 Inq/2 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) As nominator.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:59, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Beautiful. --<font color="#9F0500">Squishy Vic <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 20:13, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * "The Sith fleet decimated the surface of Taris, killing billions its citizens, though the exact number of fatalities remained unknown." You shouldn't say billions of people were killed if there's no source for the number. The figure is also in the infobox. -LtNOWIS 18:08, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Added a reference for the casualties in both the infobox and in the sentence you quote; also fixed the grammatical error.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:39, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Guess I should've known that. Thanks. -LtNOWIS 02:23, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Grass clippings:
 * Image:Leviathan-blast-Taris.jpg has visible frame at bottom.
 * 1) *Caption for Image:Ebonhawk-flee.jpg should not read "the Ebon Hawk&hellip;" as the ship is not in the picture.
 * 2) *The also-known-as in the intro doesn't seem necessary, as the latter is one aspect of the former.
 * 3) *After careful evaluation, the intro should probably be rewritten in a few short paragraphs, with context given to most topics.
 * 4) *Bastila could use some context for her initial mention in the History.
 * 5) *"Malak and Sith fighters from the Leviathan attacked the ship when it was dragged out of hyperspace and boarded it" – Please reword, clarifying what is doing what.
 * 6) *Carth and Revan also need some setup in the History.
 * 7) *The Upper City needs some establishment.
 * 8) *"After he successfully beat the times of all other opponents, Brejik, the leader of the Vulkars, retracted the prize, accusing the Beks of cheating." – Please clarify that it is Revan we speak of.
 * 9) *The term "ecumenopolis" never appears in canon, hence I would like to see it used less on the wiki. Could its instances and links in this article be removed? I see its inclusion as a sort of mass-OR created by the fanbase.
 * 10) *The Sith military base's offhand mention should probably be set up more.
 * 11) *Davik's position in regards to the planet and the organization should have a mention.
 * 12) *Is it stated that the Ebon Hawk was Davik's flagship? I don't think it was. Unless stated specifically in the files, please exclude.
 * 13) *Janice Nall needs some context.
 * 14) *First paragraph of Aftermath is full of speculation. Please only state what is concrete.
 * 15) *Please mention just how far in the future from the battle 3 ABY is.
 * 16) *Tense shifting in the BtS should be evened out.
 * 17) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:38, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Building upon the work done by Master Aban Fiolli.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:59, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/3 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Not the Force. - Lord Hydronium 13:18, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Good article, regardless of the DBZ-esque concept. --<font color="#9F0500">Squishy Vic <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 20:12, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. <font color="#mm6897"> Uli Talk 21:06, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From a cursory look by Fiolli:
 * 2) * Midi-chlorian manipulation should be linked in the main body of the text, either with a pipe or through direct statement.
 * 3) **It's linked under "History".
 * 4) * Considering its direct relation, preferably, midi-chlorian manipulation should be a subsection&mdash;or at the very least a paragraph about&mdash;under 'Study and analysis' providing an abstract of this topic.
 * 5) **Done. - Lord Hydronium 20:37, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Nothing is included of Dooku's attempt at transferring midi-chlorians into Grievous through blood transfusion. Other types of midi-chlorian experimentation should be included as well.
 * 7) **I don't think such a thing exists. The only reference to that idea is in Unknown Soldier, which specifically states that no one thought it would transfer Force-sensitivity; it's included. As for the second part, you mean under "study and analysis", right? Since those things are in the article.
 * 8) **Added stuff on midi experimentation to "study and analysis". - Lord Hydronium 20:37, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *Will be back later with more.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:38, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments