Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of Kiros


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Kiros
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: : ( ! But the article is well written : ) Kreivi Wolter 20:22, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 04:02, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ~ SavageBob 22:23, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:27, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:39, December 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:03, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * "The Republic forces—led by High Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker—fought through the capital, only to discover that the whole planet's population had mysteriously disappeared." I don't think you need "mysteriously" here, since you already say what happened.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * " With Kiros liberated, the Jedi set off to gain more intelligence from Zygerrian slavers who often passed through the remains of the Shi'kar homeworld." Is the fact that the Zygerrian slavers hung out around the Shi'kar homeworld really notable enough for the intro? It seems rather random.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * "Nineteen planet rotations later," Why do you word it like this instead of "Nineteen days"?
 * 7) **Because that's what the comic says.
 * 8) * Are CC-7567 and CC-2224's nicknames really necessary?
 * 9) **CC-2224's, maybe not. But 7567 plays a larger role in the battle, and as such, he is mentioned more. I just don't feel like it to address him by his designation every time.
 * 10) * "Kenobi, however, squashed the projector with the Force" Squashed is rather colloquial.
 * 11) **Changed to "crushed".
 * 12) * "Ugg fell a long road from his headquarters" A long road?
 * 13) **Addressed
 * 14) *Good job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:02, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thank you for review. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Eyrezer: At the moment the opening sentence of the intro is pretty awkward. I know this is to avoid using "the battle of Kiros", but can you reword it? My attempt would be something like:
 * "During the early years of the Clone Wars, the planet Kiros was contested by the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Galactic Republic. A Togrutan colony world that had remained neutral throughout the course of the war, Kiros was invaded by Confederacy forces under the command of Count Dooku. While the invasion was underway, Governor Roshti contacted the Republic, requesting aid; however, before the Republic troops arrived, the Confederacy had already occupied Kiros's capital..." --Eyrezer 01:10, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) **Better? QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:55, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 3) * Why is "was contested" in bold? Other than that, it looks fine! ~ SavageBob 22:11, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Because the name of the battle is conjectural, it cannot be used in the intro. However, some part of the introduction still needs to be bolded, in order to emphasize on the article's subject. This way, "was contested" is a substitute for "the Battle of Kiros." QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 22:16, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***I'd just as soon not bold anything, as it looks pretty strange this way, but I'll take your word for it. Nicely done! ~ SavageBob 22:23, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) In the Prelude the chronology of events is a little confusing. You start off by saying the Confederates launch their invasion, and then you go back to mention Roshti's warning the Jedi of the CIS's plans, and then the CIS arriving first. "&hellip;Kiros's preference for neutrality from both the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Galactic Republic was shattered when the Confederacy launched an invasion of the world. The Togrutan leader, Governor Roshti, contacted Jedi Master Yoda and informed him about the Separatists' plans. Yoda promised to send help and asked Roshti not to trust the Confederate leader, Count Dooku, who was personally leading the invasion. The Confederate troops arrived first&hellip;"  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:55, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:30, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **It's still unclear as to what happened first. Did Roshti contact Yoda first, or speak with Dooku? And the meaning of one thing has been changed: now you say that Roshti contacted Yoda and informed him of the invasion, and the article implies that he did this after the invasion happened. Is this true? (I don't know the material, so I'm just making sure) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:49, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Better? I've tried to make it as clear as I could. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:22, December 29, 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * Is there an image that shows Ugg? As the commander of the Separatist forces, it might be nice to show him. I also wonder whether his duel with Kenobi should have an article. ~ SavageBob 22:22, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * The "battles within battles" articles were ousted a very long time ago, else there would be a ton of unnecessary articles everywhere.  CC7567  (talk) 23:02, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * OK. I just remember seeing lots of "Duel on ___" articles around, but this isn't really my area, so no worries. ~ SavageBob 00:21, December 23, 2009 (UTC)