Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of Kadavo


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of Kadavo

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:41, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yet another TCW comic battle...

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 22:14, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 07:03, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:09, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Nice work! ~ SavageBob 01:07, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 00:34, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:19, December 24, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Intro-"Following some links that led them to Zygerria, Skywalker, Kenobi, Tano and Captain CC-7567 infiltrated the auction and tried to rescue the Togrutas, but were eventually captured by the Zygerrians and enslaved." Quite confusing, who is "them"? This sentence sounds like "them" went to "Zygerria, Skywalker, Kenobi, Tano and Captain CC-7567." Clarify.
 * 3) **Reworded.
 * 4) *Good work, QuiGon :)  JangFett  Talk 15:06, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks. Stay tuned for more comic battles :P QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 14:55, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Great. :D  JangFett  Talk 22:14, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Attack of the Clone
 * 8) * Basically, there's two intro paragraphs dedicated to the prelude itself rather than the battle, and only an extremely scanty third paragraph on the battle itself. No matter how complex the Slaves of the Republic story is, there should not be this huge a lack of balance. Please do some reworking.
 * 9) **That was tough to do, but I did some rewording. As you noted, the story is quite complex and a lot of stuff needs context; I tried to shorten the amount of detail, but did not succeed much. Therefore, there is still two prelude paragraphs, though I believe that they are better balanced with the battle now.
 * 10) ***To make sure that you're confident of this, please ask yourself whether you believe that every single detail in there is necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the article's subject, which is what intros are for.  CC7567  (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****I did ask myself that question, and I believe that it is necessary for the reader to know the intentions of the two combatants, i.e. that Skywalker wanted to rescue the slaves and Kenobi, and that Dooku wanted to kill the Togrutas. However, further context is needed as to how Kenobi ended up on Kadavo and why Dooku wanted the Togrutas dead, or the article won't make much sense. Squeezing all this information into two paragraphs is quite hard; squeezing it further seems unrealistic to me. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:10, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * As you're fixing the above objection, please keep this in mind: the Battle of Kiros currently does not seem to be worded appropriately in the intro. The intro's chronology is making it read like a summary of the history of the Togrutas instead of being focused on the Battle of Kadavo. Try taking it out where it currently is and mentioning it later as "The Jedi followed the slaves' trail to Kadavo after liberating Kiros" or something, but it's not working in its current state.
 * 13) **Hopefully addressed in the intro rewrite. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 12:25, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***That goes for "Meanwhile, the Confederate leader Count Dooku tried to worsen the reputation of the Jedi Order by spreading word that the Jedi had destroyed the planet's population." as well. Also, this isn't linked well to Dooku's fear that he would be unmasked as a liar.  CC7567  (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ****How's it now? QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:10, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * There's a rather noticeable jump from Skywalker and Tano's escape from Zygerria in the Prelude to the sudden arrival of Republic forces at Kadavo in the Battle section. This needs to be smoothed out.
 * 17) **Done.
 * 18) * Please somehow include the Keeper's summons of Kenobi and Rex before Skywalker and Tano arrived. It doesn't necessarily have to go in the Prelude, but can be worded when it becomes relevant in the Battle section. The story isn't clear otherwise.
 * 19) **Done.
 * 20) ***I apologize; I think I might have been unclear here. When I stated the earlier objection, I believed that this context would be less than a sentence long, but at its current length, it really belongs in the prelude.  CC7567  (talk) 03:41, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Moved. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 17:10, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Please vary all the sentences that start with "as".
 * 23) **Varied.
 * 24) * Shadow Squadron is in the infobox and yet nowhere in the body. Please also get in Ventress's "entrance" into the battle.
 * 25) **Added.
 * 26) * No matter how well-placed a blaster shot is, and regardless of which IU characters say that it is, no blaster shot can be "lucky" if we're trying to get rid of POV-oriented writing.
 * 27) **Removed.
 * 28) * What "Republic reinforcements that had recently arrived"? The perspective of this article is starting to resemble that of a person reading the comic instead of an omniscient perspective, which is what history should be written from. Yes, historians are often limited, but in this case, we know the story and should be able to word it to the best of our abilities. Please try to check for and fix this throughout the article.
 * 29) **Hopefully this particular issue is fixed. I've read through the article again, but could not find similar problems. Please advise if there are any.
 * 30) * So even after the Trident has clamped onto the transport, Ventress is still continuing her "attack run"? Also, there's another plot hole with the jump from here to the suddenly-cornered Jedi. Please fix these.  CC7567  (talk) 06:09, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:01, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * What, specifically, were the Keeper's "plans"?
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * Are you certain that Dooku executed Scintel only for her "attraction" to Skywalker? I'm going to leave it up to you to decide how much detail to put in, but this bit is misleading; there was another, more important motive behind it. Please check the comic.  CC7567  (talk) 03:41, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 17:10, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * A note on your readdition of the "world" link in the intro: you've already linked "planet" for Kadavo at the beginning of the intro, which is why I removed it the first time and why I've now reverted it back.  CC7567  (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)