Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Tucker (second nomination)

Tucker

 * Nominated by:  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:02, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second try

Xd1358

 * Infobox: You list GAR as an affliation, yet you say that he was a part of the Republic navy.
 * Intro: As the TCW timeline has not yet been established, please use "around 22 BBY" rather than "in 22 BBY".
 * Intro: "Towards" is slang.
 * Intro: "Separatist's blockade of Ryloth.." Sounds weird. Perhaps "the Separatist fleet blockading Ryloth" or something like that would be better?
 * Intro: "..continuing the assault on Tuuk's frigate." Not correct. His flagship was not a frigate.
 * Intro: "'Heavily outnumbered, Tucker was killed by the attacking Vulture droids while being still on the way to the enemy flagship." Eh, that sounds strange. Perhaps "Heavily outnumbered, Tucker was killed by the attacking Vulture droids while attacking the enemy flagship."?
 * That's it from the intro. -- 1358  (Talk) 20:47, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * References: Ref 2: "Star Wars: The Clone Wars novelization," not "Star Wars: The Clone Wars (novel)."
 * It's a redlink now. Please pipelink it.
 * I took care of the small italicization issue myself. -- 1358  (Talk) 19:28, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * "...born and trained on the water world of Kamino to fight...'" You can't source Kamino being a water world to the databank entry. Also, is it really relevant to Tucker?
 * Removed the water world.
 * "In 22 BBY..." Same as objection 2 above.
 * "In 22 BBY,[2] Techno Union Foreman Wat Tambor seized control of the planet Ryloth" Link to the battle.
 * "The Jedi Council dispatched a Republic fleet to Ryloth, in which Tucker and Blue Squadron were apart of." Apart is not the word you're looking for. Please reword. Also, the sentence is quite strange overall, specifically the second clause. Could you make it read smoother?
 * Still not so smooth. I suggest "The Jedi Council dispatched a Republic fleet including Tucker and Blue Squadron to Ryloth."
 * "Led by Jedi General Anakin Skywalker and his apprentice, Ahsoka Tano, the Republic forces were tasked with braking the Confederate blockade..." Braking? Lee, please try to catch things like these before you nominate articles.
 * "Under the command of Tano, piloting her personal starfighter, Tucker—and fellow Blue Squadron members Axe, Slammer, Kickback, and Swoop—flew in V-19 Torrent starfighters." Again a quite strange sentence. If you skip the sentence between the dashes, it would read "Tucker flew in V-19 Torrent starfighters." My suggestion is to reword it like this: "Under the command of Tano, piloting her personal starfighter, Tucker, together with fellow Blue Squadron members Axe, Slammer, Kickback, and Swoop, piloted V-19 Torrent starfighters." I also suggest that you remove what they were assigned to do.
 * Please adjust all mentions of "taskforce" to "task force".
 * Still two remaining. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * "After the Republic taskforce jumped out of hyperspace over Ryloth, Blue Squadron left the hangar of Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute." Instead of having their objective in the earlier sentence, you could easily add it here instead ("..the Resolute, planning to attack and destroy Tuuk's flagship.")
 * The Tuuk's? :P
 * "As Tucker's squadron approached the Separatist blockade containing the ship, they were quickly confronted by swarms of Separatist Vulture droid starfighters." From where did the droid starfighters depart?
 * "..continued their assault towards the enemy's flagship." Towards is slang.
 * "Waves of more Vulture droids began to attack the Republic's Star Destroyers, forcing Skywalker and Admiral Wullf Yularen to order Blue Squadron to fall back and protect the Resolute." Three 'to'. The first one could easily be removed ("began attacking")
 * "Instead, on Tano's orders, Blue Squadron disobeyed and continued their assault on the enemy flagship..." Blue Squadron did not disobey the order, Tano did. BS just did what Tano told them to do.
 * Possibly more to come. -- 1358  (Talk) 21:19, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * All fixed. Thank you.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:57, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Two minor things that I'm too lazy to fix: 1) Swarms, not swarmes. 2) fire has a link. Good job on fixing the objections. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed the rest. Thank you.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:54, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Check again your link to fire. It's fire ; Fire is an individual. :P -- 1358  (Talk) 19:28, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:31, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * See what's wrong with the DB reference. -- 1358  (Talk) 14:06, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Killed, because it was unneeded.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:17, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't remember whether Tucker's death was seen in SoR. If not, it is unnecessary to source his death to both the episode and the epguide. -- 1358  (Talk) 14:20, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * We don't know if it was his death which was shown. So I sourced to the epguide where it is stated that he is killed and the info if it was his death shown.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:33, September 6, 2010 (UTC)

bah

 * "A pilot in the Blue Squadron, Tucker flew under the call sign "Blue Five." Reads very awkwardly
 * Fixed.
 * Still remains; also once the sentence is fixed, please add context to Blue Squadron
 * Fixed.
 * You need to keep it consistent by saying either "Confederate" or "Separatist". I'm seeing lots of repetition of "Confederate" and then "Separatist" soon after, or vise versa.
 * Used "Confederate".
 * "However, Confederate Vulture droid reinforcements attacked Blue Squadron, as well as the rest of the Republic fleet." Reinforcements? What reinforcements? Tuuk dispatched the droids to attack the attacking Blue Squadron, and as the squadron was being crippled, then the droids went on to attack the three Star Destroyers.
 * Fixed.
 * I would correct this myself, but please read this sentence: "However, Confederate Vulture droid attacked Blue Squadron, and after inflicting some casualties to the Republic fighter group, attacked rest of the Republic fleet." Notice anything wrong?
 * Fixed.
 * "The task force's commanders—Admiral Wullf Yularen and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker—ordered Tano and Blue Squadron to retreat, but Tano refused her superiors' command, continuing the assault on Tuuk's flagship." What task force? Also could you somehow rewrite this sentence. As it stands, you did not mention Tuuk previously and we don't know where Yularen and Skywalker are.
 * Fixed.
 * Could you somehow go straight-to-the-point with mentioning Yularen and Anakin? I don't think you should set it up that way and causing the intro to be slightly longer than the bio. See the last objection.
 * Fixed.
 * "Heavily outnumbered," What was outnumbered? So Tucker was out there alone?
 * Fixed.
 * Tucker was not attacking Tuuk's flagship. He and the rest of Blue Squadron were en route to the flagship, but they were loosing their fighters along the way.
 * Fixed.
 * "He, like all other clone troopers, was a clone of the Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett, born and trained on the world of Kamino to fight for the Galactic Republic in their war against the Confederacy of Independent Systems." A few problems with this sentence. First off, the last clause of the sentence is very redundant and doesn't need to be mentioned. The first part took care of it, as you correctly said he is a clone of Jango. I have seen this problem before in your articles.
 * Fixed.
 * I don't know, but I am seeing wording that came straight from Axe's article. This was the main problem you had with this article in its first nomination. Please try and reword sentences that appear very similiar to the Axe article's prose. I am currently looking at both articles and I am seeing many similarities.
 * I rewrote parts of the article and some similarities can't be avoided. I hope the current wording satisfacts your objection.
 * Yes they can be avoided, however. I don't think it's a coincidence that Tucker and Axe's proses are nearly identical.
 * Is it now acceptable?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:26, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * "As Tucker's squadron approached the Separatist blockade containing the ship, they were quickly confronted by swarms of Separatist Vulture droid starfighters" "Swarms" is too colloquial. Also, Blue Squadron is not Tucker's squadron.
 * Fixed.
 * "As Blue Squadron and Tucker approached the Confederate blockade containing the ship," What ship?
 * Fixed.
 * What is with the "Tucker's squadron"? Again, that's not his squadron. You may, however, say "Tucker and Blue Squadron" or something similiar.
 * Changed all cases.
 * Please keep it consistent. I changed quite a few of "Blue Squadron and Tucker," while I originally corrected some to "Tucker and Blue Squadron"
 * "Tucker's squadron engaged the Vulture droids, but, nonetheless, continued their assault toward the enemy's flagship." How could they engage the Vulture droids while assaulting Tuuk's frigate? You are saying that Blue Squadron, not "Tucker's squadron," as a whole were attacking the Vultures while still making their way toward the flagship?
 * Fixed.
 * Why did Yularen and Skywalker want Blue Squadron to protect the Resolute?
 * Fixed.
 * "Instead, on Tano's orders, Blue Squadron continued their assault on the enemy flagship, harassed by swarms of droid fighters." Lee, this is mainly a rewrite of that sentence that has been objected above. I do not understand the chronological order of these sentences, because they seem so similiar and very confusing. I think it would be best if you reword the previous objected sentence to avoid any sort of confusion.
 * Fixed.
 * "Tucker was shot down by a Vulture droid, while still being on the way to the enemy flagship, perishing over Ryloth." Say what now?
 * Fixed.
 * "Tucker was shot down by a Vulture droid and killed" Killed what? I don't think he killed anything since he died.
 * Fixed.
 * The first source in the P&T is not a valid source I'm afraid, Lee&mdash;mainly for Tucker. I think you could rewrite that sentence explaining his duty and him being a pilot and source it to SoR. And also, "but despite his pilot training, he was unable to escape death when his squadron encountered a large number of Vulture droids during the Battle of Ryloth, and his fighter was destroyed." You cannot assume that since he had pilot training, he can automatically escape death.
 * Fixed.
 * "Tucker was a trained clone trooper pilot and was unable to escape death..." What does one have to do with the other?
 * "when his squadron encountered a large number of Vulture droids during the Battle of Ryloth, and his fighter was destroyed." I don't understand this part either. You're saying first he's a trained pilot but he died for some reason. See what I mean?
 * Changed.
 * Your bts needs reorganizing. You can take a look at other TCW-related articles. This shouldn't be much of a problem for you, Lee.
 * Fixed.
 * I took care of it. Lee, please watch out next time. This should not be a problem for you.
 * Overall, please take a look at these objections carefully. I'll take a look once more.  JangFett  (Talk) 06:19, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * All should be fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:29, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Lee, in the future, please make comments directly below an objection. Due to the amount of objections, it would be wise to do so.  JangFett  (Talk) 01:40, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * I usually do, but this time I was too lazy.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:47, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * This isn't a requirement; however, it is easier to notice that you have fixed the objections, when there's an answer under all objections. -- 1358  (Talk) 14:53, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Actually, while you are correct, Xd, I have looked over a couple of objections from the top of the list, and quite a few are not addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 15:04, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Could you possible say whitch ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 15:18, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Now better?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:56, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Please cut down the intro. It's too big as it stands.  JangFett  (Talk) 00:52, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Cut some.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 07:37, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

The Wizard did it
Just a few minor things: Biography: P&T: BTS: Don't mean to make your life harder, Lee, but I have a few more... Okay, fix these and it should be good to go.--''' Bonslywizard ( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 21:02, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * "...Blue squadron,a fighter group in the Republic Navy" add a comma after that.
 * Fixed.
 * Change "fighter" to "starfighter" in the first sentence. When I frist read it I had no idea what you were saying.
 * Fixed.
 * "...and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker-" Why the dash?
 * Removed.
 * Change "Tano refused her superior's..." to "Tano refused to obey her...". Makes it easier to understand.
 * Fixed.
 * Since the intro centers around not only Tucker but the mission itself as well, add how the mission ended after Tucker died.
 * Added.
 * That's all for now, and I'll review the body in a few days.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 20:47, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, thank you.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:06, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Move the ending of the third sentence to the end of the second sentence.
 * Found a more suitable place for that.
 * Change the wording in the third sentence. Something like beautiful, something the other BS pilots thought he was abit crazy for would do.
 * Changed.
 * Add how he wore Phase 1 clone armour.
 * Added.
 * Give context on the CWCE.
 * Contexted.
 * Fix these and it should be good to go. :)--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 01:01, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review!  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:56, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * You link to Battle of Ryloth several times in the bio. Just once is fine.
 * Perhaps you could mention that Tuuk was a Neimoidian?
 * "Tucker first appeared in "Storm Over Ryloth," an episode of the first season of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars television series..." Was Storm over Ryloth the third episode, the seventh, the 5,068th? Please add.
 * "After the Republic task force jumped out of hyperspace over Ryloth, Blue Squadron left the hangar of Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute, planning to destroy the command ship." Whose command ship?
 * Hey Bonsly, please note that an objection such as overlinking (one link) is an easy, which means that you should fix it yourself instead of objecting to it—it probably takes longer to object than fix it. Also, if I may butt in, it's not really necessary to add the episode number. But that's up to Lee, of course. --  1358  (Talk) 11:59, September 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

 * Will update him with info from The Clone Wars Character Encyclopedia soon.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:24, September 4, 2010 (UTC)