Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Malevolence


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Malevolence

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 01:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it is done :)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Clone Commander Lee 18:31, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 01:45, 1 July 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 22:05, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Preliminaries
 * 2) *Before I give it a complete review or even a copyedit, there are several general things that need to be fixed:
 * 3) * First of all, there's still the sourcing error that I mentioned to you before. I don't know why, but there are multiple refs for the same source. Also, Ref is being unnecessarily used in the body when it's only meant for the infobox.
 * 4) **Addressed and yes I noticed that as well. Im going around and fixing all the ref tags and fining more than 1 reliable source.
 * 5) ***Fixed
 * 6) **** I don't see the Ref tags being used at all in the infobox, when they should be. Please correct this.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *****Nevermind, I took care of this myself. However, Shadow of Malevolence wasn't a source for the warship being able to carry 144 Vulture droids. Please find the proper source.  CC7567  (talk) 21:46, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Refs need to come after periods and commas.
 * 9) **Addressed
 * 10) * There's a lack of sourcing throughout the article, particularly in the Abregado and Ryndellia sections.
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) ***Please check again. There are several instances in which the same source is used following two sentences. Not every single sentence has to be sourced unless it's a different sourced; otherwise, the source needs to come at the end of the paragraph. Also, it's going to be hard for me to review this until the above objection about the Ref tags is fixed.
 * 13) ****This still remains. Not every sentence needs to be sourced unless it has a separate source.
 * 14) *****Ill fix this issue.
 * 15) * The intro requires severe expansion. Two sentences will not suffice for the article.
 * 16) **Addressed :)
 * 17) ***And now the intro is way too long. Please cut it down. Just because two sentences won't suffice doesn't mean that the intro needs to be a third of the article's length.
 * 18) ****Fixed.
 * 19) *****I believe the intro can still be cut down. The battles in the intro only need to mention the direct effect on the Malevolence, i.e. it was revealed to the Republic following the Battle of Abregado.  CC7567  (talk) 20:06, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ******Ill cut it down some more and add more detail of the ship's battle damage
 * 21) *******Addressed
 * 22) ********It can still be cut down more. The section about Phu in particular reads more like a summary of the battle than the warship itself, as do the other battles. One or two sentences at most will suffice for Phu. Also, there are a lot of grammatical errors; please try to catch them if you can.  CC7567  (talk) 17:28, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *********I think the first section of the intro is fine. If I go and add more about the battle, it will just get to lengthy
 * 24) **********I didn't say that it needed to be expanded. I said that it still needs to be shortened. The first section of the intro is too choppy, for one.  CC7567  (talk) 20:12, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***********Addressed and discussed in IRC a few times. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * The Characteristics section needs to be expanded. Everything mentioned in the infobox needs to also be here as well.
 * 2) **Addressed and section renamed to "Description"
 * 3) ***I'll go through this with you more later.
 * 4) * The History needs to include the creation of the Malevolence; it currently appears that the ship's origins are in the Characteristics for an unknown reason.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) ***Also, mentioning that the warship's existence became known in the "Rise" is unnecessary. Simply say it in the Battle of Phu.
 * 7) ****Ill fix it
 * 8) *****Blatantly stating that it was first spotted in the Battle of Phu isn't the best way to go; there's no buildup. Also, it wasn't spotted by the Republic until Abregado, as there were no survivors of Phu.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ******Addressed
 * 10) * In general, please make sure the article follows the Manual of Style and the Layout Guide, particularly the latter. "Characteristics" should be "Description", and a "Commanders and crew" section is also required.
 * 11) **Seeing their is no GA/FA article that has a commander/crew section Example, I didn't create one. The Infobox has a section for the list of commanders/crew. I addressed the Description and will expand it.
 * 12) ***Upon seeing the Executor article, Ill create a commander section.  JangFett  Talk 18:14, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Fixed and added sources for the commander section.
 * 14) * Grievous didn't destroy "dozens of task forces" between Ryndellia and the Kaliida Nebula, as you've so mentioned. Also, it was Dooku himself that gave Grievous the order to target the medical station; that needs to be in there.
 * 15) **Didn't write that part but Ill rewrite it :)
 * 16) ***And now, for some reason, it's unnecessarily mentioned (and linked) twice in both Ryndellia and the Kaliida Nebula sections. Please fix this.
 * 17) ****Fixed
 * 18) *For better examples on what the article should look like by the time it's finished, please see the current FA and GA ship articles.
 * 19) *Good luck. I'll take another look once these have been addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 07:04, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thanks CC :)  JangFett  Talk 16:14, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Also, please check the sources available to you and see if you can get specifics on the warship's size, specifically for its length. If you don't have access to them, I would recommend trying to find users who do.  CC7567  (talk) 07:11, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Addressed. This was discussed last night in the IRC channel. From TCW: Decoded, they said it was roughly 5m.
 * 23) ***TCW:Shadow of Malevolence was listed as a source for it's listed length in the article. No character in that episode spoke about any specific description about it's length, but the decoded episode did however.
 * 24) ****I meant to check the printed references such as the Visual Guide and Campaign Guide. I'll let this pass for now, but I would suggest trying to obtain access to them, as you might need them to check the credibility of current information in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:17, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) A bit more for now
 * 26) * A better quote can be found for the Battle of Phu. This one-word quote isn't the most appropriate one; try to check HoloNet News — A Galaxy Divided if you can. Not every single quote has to come from Grievous.
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * The Kaliida Shoals Medical Center is being linked and unnecessarily mentioned twice in both the Battle of Ryndellia and the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, and I'm seeing this as an effect of copy/pasting the Battle of Ryndellia into the article. Please go through the article again and check for errors like this. The article can still be written more from the perspective of the warship. Not to the point where the article is biased, but the battles' effects on the ship need to be expanded a great deal.
 * 29) **I've managed to remove those multiple links and rewrote a few sentences in the beginning.
 * 30) ***There's still more work required for this.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * There's a great deal of overlinking throughout the article. Other articles should only be linked when they first appear, not several times throughout the article. This applies separately to the intro and body.
 * 32) **Addressed
 * 33) * Please check that you use last names throughout the whole article. Full names need to be used when first mentioned, but after that, use only last names. You use "Obi-Wan" in the intro at least once when you fist link him.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "The destruction of the Malevolence by crashing into a moon echoes the fate of the Executor by falling into the second Death Star's gravity field, as well as the dispute over its size." This is original research, and unless it was confirmed to be inspiration for the Malevolence, it needs to go.
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * Just from rereading the Characteristics section, I'm noticing a lot of grammatical errors. Please go through the article scrupulously and do another check. Perhaps reading the article out loud will help you.  CC7567  (talk) 19:17, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * A better picture can be found for the Battle of Abregado, perhaps one showing the Malevolence instead of its effects.  CC7567  (talk) 20:06, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) **Im going to capture HD quality screenshots of Grievous for the commander section as well as the Abregado image.
 * 41) ***You can already check existing images from the episode. This image would be suitable.  CC7567  (talk) 20:29, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Addressed and replaced/added images.
 * 43) * The fact that Dooku was the one who told his master to send Amidala to the nebula is unconfirmed. It's more of an assumption; it isn't known on whose orders Palpatine was acting, unless you can find a source that explicitly states it so.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) ***Please just remove it; "possibly" is speculation, and speculation has absolutely no place in articles unless it has an official basis.
 * 46) ****Addressed
 * 47) * I'm going to simply ask you to rewrite the battle parts of the article. I'm still seeing a great deal of copying from the battle articles, and while yes, it does encompass most of the important details, it's not professional and it isn't original. The article can still be written a great deal more from the aspect of the warship itself.  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Addressed
 * 49) ***No, there's still a lot of unnecessary info in there. Is it really necessary to include the news report when you can simply say that Koon began to search for the warship? In the Abregado section, there's zero buildup to Koon's rescue, and it's not clearly stated. And I'm still not seeing much of a change overall. When I mean rewrite, I mean that you need to change the article so that it doesn't look like you copy/pasted directly from the battle articles, which it still appears that you did.  CC7567  (talk) 17:28, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Addressed
 * 51) *****I'm still seeing a lot of places lacking change. For certain parts, I can still tell that it's the exact wording from the battle articles, and it still doesn't expand on the warship's effects. If you still need help with this, I'll point out the specifics.  CC7567  (talk) 06:03, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ******"Ryndellia Conflict", "Battle of Abregado", and the intro have been fixed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Attack of the Clone number...whatever we're on
 * 2) * In the intro, I would establish notable details of its size and features before jumping into its history. You can say that it was longer than five Jedi cruisers, and that it was equipped with two ion cannons that allowed it to disable its prey's shields, leaving its targets vulnerable to turbolaser fire.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"First spotted by Republic forces around 22 BBY by Jedi General Ares Nune and Clone Commander Kite in the Phu system. The battle was the first time the massive Malevolence used its ion pulse cannons to disable an enemy fleet. The battle resulted as a major CIS victory due to the deaths of Nune and Kite and their fleet. The overwhelmed Jedi took note on the Separatists' new deadly superweapon." A few things:
 * 5) ** First of all, the first sentence is extremely choppy. In fact, all of the sentences are. Please read the next objection and then try to merge them accordingly.
 * 6) ** Please cut these sentences down. All that needs to be said of the Battle of Phu is that it was the first battle the Malevolence was in, and that it disabled Jedi General Ares Nune's fleet with its ion cannons. You can say that Plo Koon then led a search for the Malevolence, but please try to keep it short and to-the-point.
 * 7) ** A lot of this is simply redundant.
 * 8) ***All addressed.
 * 9) ** "Grievous ordered to use the massive ion cannons for the first time and thus destroying Kit's fleet." The way you're using "ordered" doesn't work without Grievous ordering someone or something. Please fix this. If you want, you can word it like "Grievous ordered the ship's massive ion cannons to be used". Also, this isn't officially proven to be the very first time the Malevolence used its ion cannons; if I remember correctly, it had already begun terrorizing Republic fleets before Phu. That doesn't mean that Phu couldn't have been the first time they were used; it's possible, but it's unknown, so speculating that it is is simply that&mdash;speculation. Please try to word around it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:21, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Addressed and reworded. Removed speculation as well.
 * 11) * I know I said earlier that all that needed to be said for Abregado in the intro was that the Malevolence was revealed to the Republic, but please try to elaborate a tad, i.e. that it was revealed to the Republic after it destroyed Koon's fleet.
 * 12) **Addressed
 * 13) * "Several Pelta-class frigates were fleeing the Ryndellia system. The massive Malevolence destroyed all frigates and one Venator-class Star Destroyer that was escorting the frigates." Again, please shorten this; since it's the intro, you only have to say that the Malevolence destroyed a Republic medical convoy on its way to Kaliida Shoals.
 * 14) **Addressed
 * 15) ***"While attempting to retreat to the medcenter, several Pelta-class frigates were destroyed by the Malevolence." This isn't factually correct, and it's still too long; I still recommend simply saying a "Republic medical convoy".  CC7567  (talk) 19:21, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****I'm having trouble with wording this. I have replaced the "attempting to retreat" with "flee". Other than that, addressed.
 * 17) * Can you get it in earlier that Skywalker sabotaged the Malevolence ' s hyperdrive before it actually malfunctions?
 * 18) **Addressed
 * 19) * "The battle droids stationed on the Malevolence noticed that the hyperdrive has been fixed." It wasn't fixed, so they can't "notice" that it was. You can say that they believed it to be fixed.
 * 20) **Addressed
 * 21) * "After the ion cannon had disabled an enemy warship, approximately 500 turbolasers were mounted on the ship's enormous hull to fire upon the disabled vessel to it's destruction." First of all, nothing can be "fired to its destruction". While I'm at it, please check your usage of contractions; unless you mean "fire upon the disabled vessel to it is destruction", that apostrophe shouldn't be there. Please check your apostrophe and contraction usage throughout the article.
 * 22) **Addressed and removed the statement to make the sentence seem clearer to the reader.
 * 23) ***I'm striking all but the apostrophe usage; I'll check this as I go along in future reviews.
 * 24) * "Designed with an internal rail jet system, a hover train that transported ammunition, supplies and sometimes troops throughout the ship." This isn't a sentence by itself; there's no correctly placed subject and verb in there. Please check this. Also, I'm starting to notice this choppiness throughout the article, so please do another check for similar things so I don't have to object to the same thing over and over.
 * 25) **Addressed
 * 26) ***Again, the last unstricken part I will be checking as I go along.  CC7567  (talk) 19:21, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "At least 1 pod hunter was also boarded": this doesn't make sense; nothing can be "boarded" in the way that you're using the word. Also, you need to establish that "pod hunter" was a nickname for the Droch-class boarding ship; it's not clear right now. Also, I would recommend adding in the rocket battle droids here to make it clearer what the "hunters" were.
 * 28) **Addressed
 * 29) * Are you sure that the Malevolence appeared in the TCW novel? Please refer me to the page it's on. Also, if it does appear, I don't see any info from it in the article.
 * 30) **No, it was not. Addressed
 * 31) * Why were Kite and Nune in the Phu system?
 * 32) **Addressed in both the intro and body.
 * 33) * I would recommend noting the discrepancies as noted in refnotes in the Battle of Phu and Laudable; while it was confirmed in the web comic that the Malevolence used its ion cannons to destroy the fleet, Kite and Nune did indeed try to escape first, per the HoloNet News podcast.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "Grievous ordered the Malevolence to leave the system as Republic reinforcements might arrive, thus confirming the first victory for the Separatists' new superweapon." Please source this properly; this didn't appear in either the web comic or the podcast.
 * 36) **Then it was a speculation. Removed.
 * 37) * "The Confederate Head of State, the Sith Lord Count Dooku": there's too much context in there that detracts from sentence flow; please cut it down.
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * "Dooku was not impressed by Grievous's efforts, and if those pods escaped, the Republic would learn of their ion cannon." The episode gave no evidence that Dooku was displeased with Grievous at this point, and the sentence is overall phrased badly. Yes, if the pods escaped and the survivors survived, the Republic would learn of the Malevolence. So what did Dooku do? Since the transition to the next paragraph isn't very good, I would just recommend adding it here that the pod hunters were deployed.
 * 40) **Addressed
 * 41) * "to seek enemies that had jettisoned in escape pods": since we know just who those "enemies" were, please reword this.
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * "Following the rescue of Koon and the surviving clones, all of Plo Koon's forces except for a few clones and the Jedi himself had been killed." You've already stated that the battle droids destroyed all but Koon's pod, so this is redundant.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) * "However, Koon, Skywalker, and Tano were able to give a report to the Jedi Council on the Malevolence, and the Republic learned of the warship and its ion cannons." There's absolutely no mention of the Twilight ' s encounter with the Malevolence, and that was quite an important aspect; please add it in.
 * 46) **Addressed
 * 47) * I would suggest changing the "Ryndellia conflict" quote; it's not even related to the Battle of Ryndellia.
 * 48) **Addressed
 * 49) * The Venator-class cruiser opened fire on the Malevolence? Really? I'm quite doubtful that happened; please check the episode.
 * 50) **Indeed it didn't. Addressed.
 * 51) * "However, Grievous showed no mercy and attacked the Venator-class cruiser and the frigates with its numerous laser cannons." So the "numerous laser cannons" belonged to Grievous? Please reword.
 * 52) **Haha. My mistake, Addressed.
 * 53) * "and showed Dooku that Grievous had learned from his mistake at the Battle of Abregado": this isn't very coherent, and it's not factually correct; Grievous's confidence was boosted because he believed that Dooku was showing faith in him. Please reword.
 * 54) **Addressed
 * 55) *I'm up to "Destruction of the Malevolence", but I'll leave you with these for now. Again, please try to pay attention to overlinking, underlinking, and tense problems; I've encountered all so far while copyediting.  CC7567  (talk) 03:20, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) **Okay. I'll look over that section as well as linking, grammatical issues.
 * 57) * Also, since you've used the quote from A Galaxy Divided as the leading quote, I would recommend adding to the "Description" (for its size) or at least to the "History" section that those people debated the warship's size.  CC7567  (talk) 03:21, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Addressed
 * 59) The attack continues
 * 60) * "En route to the medical facility, Dooku contacted Grievous through a hologram transmission, and received word from Darth Sidious that the Republic had launched a small group of fighters to attack the Malevolence." This isn't chronologically correct; it sounds like Dooku received word from Sidious after he had contacted Grievous.
 * 61) **Addressed
 * 62) *"Grievous noticed that the Malevolence ' s hyperdrive was not fast, and had to arrive before Republic reinforcements do." I don't see why this is here for numerous reasons. Grievous himself was frustrated with the warship's speed, yes, but it needs to be phrased more from the perspective of the warship, i.e. "Grievous noted that the Malevolence was slower than he had been informed". Also, the second part of the sentence isn't coherent at all, especially due to tense issues.
 * 63) **Addressed
 * 64) ***Please check this again; I would encourage you to put what I suggested or something similar.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) *" that could be fast enough to evade the Malevolence ' s ion cannons": could be is not clear; there are no circumstances mentioned. Please just reword it.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) * There's a rather severe lack of the launching of Vulture droids during the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, and in general, there's a lot of details missing about the battle. Please just rewatch the episode to make sure you have everything in there.
 * 68) **Addressed and added droid attack. I didn't want to add more detail of Skywalker's attack because that will change the perspective.
 * 69) * "Kenobi and his fleet joined Skywalker's forces and kept firing at the disabled Malevolence." If Kenobi and his fleet just arrived, they can't "keep" firing when they haven't even started.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * In the second paragraph of the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, please nix all the word redundancy. Also, it can overall be phrased better, as it's unclear how Sidious got Amidala to go to the nebula. I realize that it isn't directly related to the Malevolence, but it's overall unclear with a severe lack of detail. Check the battle's article if you have problems doing this.
 * 72) **Addressed
 * 73) ***Check below for more stuff related to this.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Again, there's a great deal of detail missing in the third paragraph of the battle. Either rewatch the episode, look at the battle article, look at the episode guide, or do all three. If you still need help, please tell me and I'll point out what's missing, but I'd prefer if you can find the missing details yourself.
 * 75) **Addressed
 * 76) *"caused it to jump into a nearby moon": too colloquial and unclear. Furthermore, it didn't "hit" the moon until much later; it went toward the moon.
 * 77) **Addressed
 * 78) ***Now there's absolutely no mention of the moon at all.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * "Battle droids assumed full responsibility for maintaining and controlling the bridge." If they have "full responsibility" for anything, they would be answering to Dooku. Please rephrase.
 * 80) **Addressed
 * 81) *Please replace "shaken" for Grievous's relations to the battle droids; it's not clear in this case.
 * 82) **Addressed
 * 83) ***Still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 19:13, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "Count Dooku was on board at the time of the Battle of Abregado and acted as a adviser for Grievous, and served as another commander." Slight run-on, please reword.
 * 85) **Addressed
 * 86) *The Bts needs to include more regarding the ship's appearances. Also, are you sure you've checked every single relevant source for new information?
 * 87) **I checked the New Essential Chronologically, and it had minor details of the warship, but it was just a design.
 * 88) ***If the NEC has something, even if it's a design, mention it.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * The Art of Revenge of the Sith is listed as a source; however, from what I can tell, there's no information from it in the article. Please check it.
 * 90) **Addressed
 * 91) *The last sentence of the second Bts paragraph is a run-on and lacks good phrasing.
 * 92) *Jang, the article still requires more work for it to be ready. I would suggest rewatching the episodes and noting relevant details to the ship. However, I'm still noticing numerous tense issues and spelling errors throughout the article, and I highly urge you to be more careful in the future. You should be able to catch both of these problems on your own, or you should at least be using Microsoft Word or a similar program to check your spelling. As for the tense issues, the only reason they are there is because of a lack of proofreading, and no word processing program I know can correct them for you.  CC7567  (talk) 00:11, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) *Please vary "disabled", particularly in the "Description".  CC7567  (talk) 19:13, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) Continuing
 * 95) * "Vulture droid left the Malevolence and attacked the Republic group. While attacking Skywalker's bombers, Grievous ordered the battle droids to fire the ion cannon on the approaching group." First off, please vary "attacking", and second, these sentences are rather choppy. Please try to merge them.
 * 96) **Changed the sentence sentence, and rewrote the first.
 * 97) * "However, the Republic squadron managed to damage the two heavy ion cannons, causing them to overload and explode. The Malevolence ' s hyperdrive was also disabled from the effects of the damaged ion cannons." Same issue of choppiness.
 * 98) **Addressed
 * 99) * "Sidious, using his alter ego of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, sent Padmé Amidala and her protocol droid, C-3PO, whom were to negotiate with the IBC officials for a peace treaty that would lead them to leave the CIS." This is simply incoherent. You can't use "the" because you haven't named the IBC officials, "whom" is not being used correctly, and "lead them to leave the CIS" is unclear. Please reword.
 * 100) **Addressed
 * 101) *You say that Amidala was first "captured" by the tractor beam, but then evaded "capture" by destroying her ship, and this is rather unclear.
 * 102) **Addressed
 * 103) ***The word redundancy is still a problem, and it still sounds like they were captured twice. Please say something about the tractor beam capturing their ship, but word variation needs to be used.  CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "The senator fled the area when Grievous and his entourage approached the transmission box." ...No, she didn't; it's factually incorrect. She waited for them to pass and then headed for the rail jet.
 * 105) **Yes, I should have caught that.
 * 106) * "Battle droids were stationed around the internal rail jet room during the departure of Grievous, who left on a rail cart inside the room." It wasn't clear in the episode when they arrived; I would suggest mentioning them when they attack Amidala and the Jedi. This will also help the lack of a mention of the battle droids attacking them in the following paragraph.
 * 107) **Addressed
 * 108) *Please vary "rail jet room"; you don't have to try and find synonyms, but please find something else to use.
 * 109) **Removed a few "rail jet"
 * 110) ***It can be varied more in the second paragraph of "Destruction".  CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) * Please watch your excessive usage of "soon" and "then"; they're giving an unnecessary sense of chronology.
 * 112) **Indeed, addressed. Hope that helped CC.
 * 113) * "Kenobi soon left the rail jet room and damaged the hyperdrive further near the guarded reactor room." ...No, he didn't; I don't know where you got this from, but Grievous confronted Kenobi before he could do anything. Also, please provide a source (or your reasoning) that says there was a "reactor room".
 * 114) **Addressed
 * 115) * I'd like to see more detail on the battle. That doesn't mean writing it like the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, but you should at least say that Skywalker and Amidala fought battle droids on the way to the bridge.
 * 116) **Addressed
 * 117) *I realize that a lot of my objections are falling under, but addressing them will teach you more about what's expected of an article to meet GAN standards. I'm going to again recommend that you take a look at the article for both overlinking and underlinking; I'm still noticing both, and I want you to be able to find them without me asking you to.  CC7567  (talk) 23:49, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) **No that's fine CC.
 * 119) Continuing, still
 * 120) * What's the source that said it was Grievous's first flagship? That isn't sourceable to the episodes.
 * 121) **Possibly a speculation. I removed it.
 * 122) *There can still be more not only about the battle, but about the ship itself. What did the firefighter droids do? What droids accompanied Grievous both to the hangar and on his search for Amidala? What about that internal communication that the droid crew on the bridge missed?
 * 123) **Addressed
 * 124) ***There's still a lot more that can be said. Furthermore, please clarify what you mean by "However, the droids, who were destroyed by Skywalker and Amidala, did not contact the a squad of B1 battle droids that were preparing to jump to hyperspace." It sounds like you're trying to say that because the first droids were destroyed by Skywalker and Amidala they couldn't warn the other droids about the still-damaged hyperdrive, but it seems like it's there simply to emphasize the coincidence instead of fact.  CC7567  (talk) 03:54, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) *"After Kenobi Force-pushed C-3PO onto storage containers outside the jet railings, he entered a large maintenance room." I have no idea where you got this from. Furthermore, the "he" is unspecific, and if you're talking about Kenobi, he entered the hyperdrive room.
 * 126) **This sentence is more toward the viewer's poi. Kenobi force pushed C-3PO onto some sort of boxes (I said storage containers), he then entered the hyperdrive room.
 * 127) ***...no, I believe that Kenobi Force-pulled C-3PO out of some storage boxes on the rail jet, and that's when C-3PO was smacked onto a passing train. Please re-watch the episode yourself and clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 00:54, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) ****I rewatched the episode and it seemed Kenobi pushed him off. Are you sure he pulled him?
 * 129) *****I'm not even sure that we're talking about the same place. When Amidala and her droid are fleeing the battle droids in the rail jet junction, she tells C-3PO to "jump", she pushes him onto a crate in a rail jet and jumps onto another car herself. At 13:01, C-3PO is stuck in a crate, and Kenobi uses the Force to pull him out of the crate, and that's when C-3PO gets hit by the rail jet. That's the sequence I'm talking about; I don't know which one you are. There's quite a distance between this sequence and when Kenobi goes to the hyperdrive room.  CC7567  (talk) 03:54, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) *I'd like to see the Commanders and crew section expanded much more. What droids were stationed aboard the Malevolence, since they're indeed part of the crew? What battles were Grievous and Dooku present for? What was the relation between the two commanders?
 * 131) *Since the NEC and Art of ROTS were published well before the TCW series began, the appearance templates (1stm, in particular) need to be applied correct, and the Bts still needs to be expanded. I know that I've mentioned both of these to you already, but they haven't been done yet.
 * 132) **Addressed
 * 133) ***It's not "1stID" that has to be used, it's 1stm. Furthermore, was it a Separatist communications ship in the series? Since all of those were simply designs and concept ideas before it was actually put into TCW, I don't see why the "1stID" has to be used the way it is now.  CC7567  (talk) 00:54, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) *Please vary names more throughout the article. Many parts are redundant. Try using specific nouns to refer to the people.
 * 135) *Please check that you have all relevant details to the ship's design in the "Description" section. For one, you need to mention that there were comm panels throughout the ship, since that's what was required to communicate across it.
 * 136) *Jang, there's still more work to be done, and I again encourage you to re-watch the episodes to make sure you have everything. Furthermore, please check any above objections in past reviews to make sure that you have not missed anything; anything unstricken is unaddressed.  CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll review the rest later.  CC7567  (talk) 19:13, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1) By nominator's request in IRC, and also because he feels it is still a ways off from being ready.  CC7567  (talk) 22:40, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:41, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:42, 30 July 2009 (UTC)