Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Fil


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Fil

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 23:26, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes with my other "Lair of Grievous" clone troopers.

(6 Inqs/1 Users/7 Total/INQCON 6)
Support
 * 1) --Clone Commander Lee 17:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:16, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:21, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:44, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job, remember what we discussed. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 15:52, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Graestan ( Talk ) 15:33, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  CC7567  (talk) 21:29, 23 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Personality and traits comes before Armor and equipment.
 * 3) **CC-7567 lied :P Addressed
 * 4) * "After he revealed a trap on Fil and the Jedi," Is this the trap that made them believe that Gunray was on Vassek? Because if its Gor, it doesn't flow well.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * Saying that the mission took place on the third moon of Vassek contradicts the intro, which just says it was on Vassek the planet.
 * 7) **Addressed. I did this article before it was revealed to be the "Third moon" in Decoded.
 * 8) * In the bio tell why the clones thought Gunray was on the third moon of Vassek&mdash; it just says there was a plot and the next sentence says Gunray wasn't actually on the moon.
 * 9) **Addressed
 * 10) * " Both Fil and Vebb enthusiastically took out a weapon that would do the proper job." What's the proper job? Clarify.
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * Underlinking in the bio, especially the Death section.
 * 13) **Linked numerous of subjects.
 * 14) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 06:36, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks for the review Floyd :)
 * 16) Clone Commander Lee
 * 17) * He was killed on the third moon of Vassek not on Vassek itself.
 * 18) **Addresed
 * 19) * You don't mention that they were contacted of Grievous approaching in his starfighter by Niner, Bel and R6-H5.
 * 20) **They contacted Fisto, not Fil.
 * 21) * P&t needs a little eypansion
 * 22) **I think it's fine.
 * 23) *Otherwise very nice. --Clone Commander Lee 06:49, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for the review Lee :)
 * 25) ***Anytime, Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) For now:
 * 27) * Way, way too play-by-play.
 * 28) **I removed a lot of unnecessary details that aren't related to Fil, and simple minor details that are around Grievous' poi. If I removed too much, I can readd the deleted information back.
 * 29) * Needs a more thorough copyedit and linking job than I have the energy to perform as a reviewer.
 * 30) **I went back and cleaned the article up.
 * 31) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:16, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Cav:
 * 33) * Section - "Mission to Vassek": There needs to be more explanation as to why Gunray was being hunted. Why was he in a stolen Republic frigate? Why were Unduli and Tano involved? Also, you mention the laying of a trap for the Jedi and troopers in the article intro, but make no mention of it here. There should be no info exclusive to the intro.
 * 34) **Yes, I removed that part but I readded it and added more context to Unduli and Tano, and the frigate.
 * 35) * Section - "Mission to Vassek": How did Fil know that Grievous would be returning soon? Was there any indication of an imminent return or was it a gut feeling?
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * Section - "Death": More set up is needed at the start of the section. Why did they choose to ambush Grievous in the hangar? How did they know where he would be?
 * 38) **In the episode, that's not shown. After Grievous landed, he called out for his guards and Gor and then the group suddenly attacked.
 * 39) * Section - "Death": Two clone troopers in Fil's squad were killed by Grievous, leaving only Fil and one last clone trooper. This sentence is a little out of place, chronologically, since Grievous has fled by this point. Either more it earlier in the section, or rewrite it to sound more like a post-battle casualty report, eg: "The battle with Grievous had resulted in the loss of two clone troopers, leaving only Fil and one other trooper" or something similar.
 * 40) **Addressed, and that sounds much better.
 * 41) * Section - "Death": What happened to the other clone trooper who fell into the incinerator pit?
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * Personality and traits section needs sourcing.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) * You state that Fil had Jaig Eyes on his armor - doesn't this mean he was awarded them for acts of bravery? Should this be mentioned in the P&T?
 * 46) **That statement was a speculation, he probably did not have Jaig eyes because it is not mentioned anywhere. Removed.
 * 47) * The article for the Mission to the third moon of Vassek lists several other sources that the mission appeared in; have these been checked for reference to Fil as well? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:17, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Yes, he was not shown anywhere and his first mentioned was in the CSWE. Thanks for the review Cav :)  JangFett  Talk 16:11, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) Pasta Bowl!
 * 50) * "&hellip;the cyborg general managed to flee to the secret command&hellip;" Avoid "managed," especially in the introduction unless he was managing a business or managing a group of people, etc.
 * 51) **Addressed
 * 52) * The second paragraph of the introduction is very convoluted. Too much being thrown in at once in the second sentence, especially. Please reword this.
 * 53) **Addressed. Any better?
 * 54) ***Better, but&hellip; The end of the first paragraph says he arrived the beginning of the second says he fled. What happened in between which caused him to flee? There is a disconnect on this. Also, the detail about the traps did not need to be removed. Still include what the traps were, if they are relevant&mdash;and they appear to be&mdash;because the vagueness sets up perpetual lack of clarity.
 * 55) ****Ah, readded the detail about the traps back and fixed the first issue about Grievous arriving and then fleeing.
 * 56) * "Fil was caught by the beast when it used its tail to grab onto the clone commander." Simplify the wording of this.
 * 57) **Addressed
 * 58) ***For the record, with is better than by when talking about the tail. I changed it accordingly.
 * 59) * Did the mission fail or was it a success? One quick statement at the end of the second paragraph would be useful.
 * 60) **Fil died long before the mission ended, so it would be irrelevant to mention it.
 * 61) ***I do think a one sentence mention is in order considering it is part of his legacy, in a strange way&mdash;especially because of Vebb.
 * 62) ****Addressed. Sounds interesting to add information after Fil's death.
 * 63) *****Just a blurb to tie up loose ends.
 * 64) * "Fil, like all clone troopers, was one of the many clones of the bounty hunter Jango Fett." Something contextually seems missing, but adding too much would be detrimental. Consider beefing up the context of Jango Fett a touch.
 * 65) **Bah, someone removed "Mandalorian". Addressed :)
 * 66) ***Heh. Amazing what one word does.
 * 67) * "The group awaited the arrival of Vebb's former Jedi Master, Kit Fisto, who joined Vebb and his men to capture Trade Federation Viceroy Nute Gunray." This statement reads very confusingly, especially in light of the prior.
 * 68) **Addressed
 * 69) * "Jedi Master Luminara Unduli and Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano, who held Gunray captive aboard Unduli's Venator-class Star Destroyer Tranquility, told Fisto that they had tracked a stolen Republic frigate&mdash;which Gunray had used to escape the Tranquility&mdash;to the Vassek system." This is a runon and is confusing, as well.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * "When Fisto arrived&hellip;" I thought he was already there.
 * 72) **Opps. Addressed
 * 73) * "After Fisto pressed a stone that opened the door to the castle, the group moved into the darkness." Unnecessary detailed play-by-play. I know this falls under, but I point it out to let you know this is probably what Graestan meant above. In fact, the entire paragraph could be trimmed slightly.
 * 74) **Yeah, it is too pbp. Fixed.
 * 75) ***Okay, so the sentence is removed, but the entire paragraph still could be tweaked. Also, be aware that a ref tag was removed during the removal of the sentence. Make sure that was intentional.
 * 76) ****Ref added back in and added a little more the beginning of the paragraph.
 * 77) * I see nothing in the text about Vebb's species type. That should be added somewhere as it is not commonplace knowledge.
 * 78) **Addressed
 * 79) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:46, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) **Thanks for the review Fiolli :)
 * 81) Attack of the Clone
 * 82) * "Fil carried and used DC-17 hand blasters, which were favored among higher ranking clone officers": there is no way you can infer that from the episode. Either reference this properly or take it out, as it's unnecessary trivia.
 * 83) *More to come in a bit.  CC7567  (talk) 18:34, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) **Yeah, it's unnecessary trivia. Removed.  JangFett  Talk 19:07, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "After Grievous revealed a molten incinerator pit trap to Fil and the Jedi": "revealed" does not seem like the right word choice.
 * 86) **Addressed
 * 87) ***"After Grievous opened a molten incinerator pit trap on Fil and the Jedi": and now it sounds like the pit was above Fil and the Jedi.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) ****Forgot to address this. Fixed. :)
 * 89) *****I still do not see any change.  CC7567  (talk) 18:16, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) ******It's fixed CC, "In the command center, Grievous revealed a trap to the surviving Republic squad and opened a molten incinerator pit, which was under Fil and one remaining clone trooper." Any better?
 * 91) *******I've been referring to the intro this whole time.  CC7567  (talk) 18:23, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) ********Oh, I'm sorry CC. I thought you were referring to his bio because you didn't say in the intro. Fixed.
 * 93) * Please do something about the "Mission to Vassek" header so that it's factually correct.
 * 94) **Addressed
 * 95) * Fact tag in the article.
 * 96) **Fixed
 * 97) * In the bio, you need to say something about Vebb and Fil's planned "entrance" into the castle.
 * 98) **In the episode, the Jedi never planed anything. Fil told Vebb that they have tracked Gunray's sensor beacon to the south ridge, and Fisto said "Let's have a look". That's when Vebb used the Force to clear off the fog.
 * 99) ***I believe CC was reffering to Fil's plan to use a detonator and Vebb's plan to use his lightsaber. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 17:59, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) ****Yes, I was. If it's going to get too pbp if you add it, then do some rephrasing. You're leaving out another element of his bio by excluding it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) **Thanks CC and Trayus. Addressed, hopes this helps.
 * 102) * "After Gunray activated a homing beacon near his chair": ...please check this. I have no idea where you're getting this from, and unless you have a source that explicitly states so (that is not the episode, which is what you referenced it to), it's not a homing beacon.
 * 103) **Sorry, it's a tracking beacon.
 * 104) ***Again, I believe CC means that there's no source that says Gunray activates ''anything', let alone the tracking beacon. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 17:59, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) ****Yes, what Trayus said.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) *****Addressed
 * 107) * Please say something about Dooku and how he lured the Jedi and clones there to test Grievous. It's a rather important element that's missing from the article; just because Dooku was talking only to the Jedi doesn't mean that it wasn't related to Fil.
 * 108) **Addressed
 * 109) * Have you checked both TCW Visual Guides for information?
 * 110) **Ultimate Battles shows what happens during the episode, but I'm quite aware that it has little information. It has mentioning of the decoded episode, however, I already mentioned what was important to Fil and miscellanea information.
 * 111) ***And the first one? He was pictured there right on the bottom left-hand corner of page 120, and that was published before anything else.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ****You are correct. Fixed.
 * 113) *Please be careful about what info you attribute to your sources. In no way in the slightest is his hair and eye color attributable to the clone trooper Databank entry. I'll continue this with "Death" later.  CC7567  (talk) 21:26, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * First paragraph of "Death" is still rather play-by-play.
 * 115) **Addressed
 * 116) * "which was under Fil who was outside the command center." Well, yes, anyone who is not inside the command center is definitely outside of it, but I fail to see how this is relevant. This is also choppy. Please reword it.
 * 117) **Addressed
 * 118) * Please vary word choice, specifically "managed".
 * 119) **I saw a few cases of "managed" around the pit. Fixed.
 * 120) * Kindly provide either a source or your reasoning that Gor was "frightened" by Fisto.
 * 121) **That's was just a viewers-poi. It is removed.
 * 122) * "He showed respect to his troopers and pride with his leading abilities on the mission to the third moon of Vassek in 22 BBY." Please back this up with examples; I see this as speculation otherwise.
 * 123) **I removed it because it is rather redundant to mention. The next sentence describes what he had done in the lair.
 * 124) * "Known to wear a kama and pauldron": some context on both, please. Also, I would highly recommend that you rephrase "known"; the problem is that the way you use it cannot clarify who it's "known" to.
 * 125) **All fixed.
 * 126) ***"kama, a skirt-like clothing": if it's clothing, I fail to see why it is relevant to Equipment (or what was previously Armor and equipment).  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) ****Well, kama should be mentioned because various clones, like CC-7567, wear one. I took note and reread the kama article. It is indeed armor.
 * 128) * "He was determined to destroy the front door of Grievous's lair with the detonator, but Fisto denied his request to use it." This should be in the P&T or the bio or both, but not in the P&A.
 * 129) **It would get to pbp if it were in the bio. I placed it in the P&T.
 * 130) ***See above somewhere.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 131) * You're missing information from "Lair of Grievous" Decoded on how he was a weapons expert; I'm quite sure that the episode said that. If not, I hope you can clarify this yourself since it's not available online anymore.  CC7567  (talk) 07:35, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * "En route to his lair, Dooku contacted Grievous in his starfighter. The Sith Lord told the cyborg general that he had lured the Jedi into his lair, and he must kill the intruders." This makes the article more and more like a summary of the episode rather than an article about Fil. I fail to see how it's relevant, and it's also factually incorrect; Grievous did not know about the Jedi until he entered his lair.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 133) **I should have looked at this more carefully. This is why I would not like to mention anything about Dooku telling Grievous that killing the Jedi would be a test for him. I did, however, mention that Dooku contacted Fisto and the Jedi.

Comments


 * Make your images larger. When they're that small it just defeats the purpose. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Looks better, thanks for the suggestion Trayus. JangFett  Talk 02:38, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Jang, one of my objections is still remaining, and one of Fiolli's is still unstricken.  CC7567  (talk) 08:49, 23 August 2009 (UTC)