Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Far Orbit

Far Orbit

 * Nominated by: 501st  dogma ( talk ) 22:28, August 18, 2013 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Here it is! It's my longest article yet, at 19,000 words. I'm now taking a massive break from anything to do with the Far Orbit...

Support

 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 23:07, October 8, 2013 (UTC)

4dot

 * "with enough juice to fire" - Need a more technical description.
 * There.
 * "The decks of the Far Orbit ascended in number as one got further down the frigate, and nearer to its bottom." This could either be rephrased or, I think, be removed as it's redundant with the subsequent descriptions.
 * Removed.
 * "the remaking of the Imperial Navy" - What's the remaking of the Imperial Navy? I don't think that's the right word.
 * The book uses retooling, so that has taken its place.
 * "However, Kenit was good and proficient at taking out pirates" - Too informal
 * Skilled has replaced good.
 * "and three pirate lords and numerous lone pirating vessels were captured or destroyed by Kenit's organization of local Imperial assets into military strikes" - A bit repetitive.
 * How so?
 * Probably the wrong word, but the repetition of "and" makes it a bit wearing to read, maybe change it up a bit.
 * Does the colon fix the problem? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 20:23, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
 * Using "putting off" in reference to removing people from the ship isn't exactly great English. Perhaps find a better way to describe it.
 * That a bit better?
 * Far too much detail about the Lean Nuuti Bar and Grill. Not relevant to the Far Orbit.
 * Taken out the bit about the fight, but I have kept the part about Vedij getting the rights for the ships to be a privateer, as that is important.
 * To a degree, I'd still argue that when talking about the history of a ship this level of detail is unnecessary. I personally would advocate a separate event article for the "mission" where they LOD would be more appropriate, at the moment it feels too tangential.
 * I've decided to keep mention of the Brentaal and Lean Nuuti parts in the article, as they are important to the article, but I have substantially cut down the sections you objected to. Is that any better? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 22:34, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
 * That's excellent. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 23:07, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
 * "a nitwit." - I like it, but perhaps a tad informal?
 * The source uses it to describe him, so I saw fit to do so here too.
 * No argument here.
 * More to come. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 03:02, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
 * "There, they were supposed to ask a Devaronian waiter for Gruuvan shall, which would get them the datadisc they wished." - Extraneous detail.
 * Not so, as it gives an brief overview of the mission, and the details about the Devaronian and the shall are necessary to get the data disc.
 * Again, I feel that it would be better served in a separate event article.
 * "Meanwhile, the landing party managed to land on the world, and made their way to the Pathline Tapcafe. However, due to a non-native workers act passed by the Imperial Senate before it disbanded, the Devaronian Tynial that they were supposed to meet with had been arrested for lacking the proper identification, and thus was not present at the restaurant. Nonetheless, the privateers ordered Gruuvan shaal, and were approached by a waiter who suggested they go to the Jovvitz nightclub later that night. The landing party did, and once there, they found that same waiter, who was actually an Alliance sympathizer, along with some other members of the Alliance. The waiter gave the party the datadisc, though both groups were soon set upon by ISB agents." - Not directly relevant to the ship.
 * This is already a condensed version of the mission that the party undertook, and I put it in as I thought it was necessary to describe a bit of their mission. I can condense it down a bit more if you like though, by maybe taking out the part about the non-native workers act.
 * See above. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 00:53, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
 * "nab" is a touch informal.
 * Done.
 * "This section had no officer to run it." - This seems like an unnecessary section, then. Can be mentioned in another section.
 * Put Engineering Quarters under the Quarters section.
 * "In the fight in the Lean Nuuti Bar and Grill, there are three possible outcomes: one is where one of the sides wins the fight, and the other buys them drinks; another is where neither sides wins, but the aliens buy the mutineers drinks to patch up relations between them; the last outcome is where Vedij arrives to break up the fight. Since none of the possibilities really affect later gameplay, and because the Vedij option seems to be preferred by the scenario, this article assumes that one is the most canon." Has nothing to do with the ship. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 04:33, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
 * Removed. Thanks for being the first to look it over. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 13:39, October 5, 2013 (UTC)

The Cadeth regrets this

 * I switched the order of the sentence about the crystal gravfield traps and the signal interceptors to get rid of the comma&mdash;I wuld have just left it as is without the comma, but I'm assuming that the "rarer" adjective only applies to the traps.
 * K, thanks for the change.
 * I merged a few of the smaller paragraphs in the Description section, and because some of your sections were rather short, I combined the Sensors, Armaments and Armor, and Complement section into a single Equipment and Armaments section. That also saw me move the Complement info to the top of that section. I think it's a better structure, but feel free to object.
 * That's fine, but I've changed the header.
 * Removed some of stuff in the C in the infobox&mdash;it's kind of like using, which is frowned upon. Also, is the really necessary in the escape craft field? Just wondering.
 * It is, because although the Far Orbit can house a full complement of poids, they are all lost during the mutiny. Additionally, in at least one of the scenarios, it is mentioned that the frigate still needs escape craft.
 * Okay. Only asked because on my screen it makes the reference move to another line and lengthen the infobox :P Cade  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg  Calrayn  22:50, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
 * No quotes that can be used for any of these sad-looking quoteless sections? There's so many of them&hellip; and they look so sad. :(
 * Nope. :( There is shortage of quotes in the sourcebook.... I've used the ones I could find... 501st  dogma ( talk ) 22:47, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
 * Please note the formatting changes I made to the Sources section&mdash;the various RAS editions should be styled with the ___ Edition unitalicized and not in parentheses. Also, no need for The Far Orbit Project to be in WEG by itself.
 * Noted.
 * Could you please modify the X-Wing Alliance reference to better communicate that the game establishes KDY as the Nebulon manufacturer?
 * Changed the reference to the one used here for Kuat Drive Yards as the maker. Gives an updated reference.
 * I don't think you need to split the Command Sections into separate subsections. It'd look a lot better if you simply had paragraphs for each with the names of each section leading the paragraphs&mdash;maybe even bolded.
 * How's that? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 23:54, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
 * There are quite a few places where Main could be used.
 * How's that? Or do you want me to use Main with the adventure scenario sections in the BTS as well? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 01:06, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
 * Looking at it, yeah, I think Main could be useful in the BTS too, since the section titles directly refer to various adventures. Cade  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg  Calrayn  01:20, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
 * There, done.
 * The intro... I'm a little wary of saying it, but it's a little play-by-play. Maybe cut down on some of the details?
 * How's that?
 * The decks sections: what are your thoughts on grouping some of the subsections? Maybe Decks 1-4 and Decks 5-7? Just a thought.
 * I like it has it is, but if you feel strongly about grouping them, I can.
 * I'm seeing some linking issues in the Description section: stuff like hull, hyperspace, starship, starfighter, etc. Ironic that I gotta say it, but be sure to watch that. :P
 * I've linked to hull, but hyperspace is already linked to in the description. Same with starship and starfighters. You are talking about underlinking, right?
 * Si senor.
 * "The computer then could make a good analysis on a variety of subjects based on the data it received." Any way that you could rewrite this to make it sound better? "good analysis" just seems kinda... awkward.
 * Changed to sophisticated, as that is what the book has it as. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 13:20, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
 * "The deflector shield generator was located off the propulsion module of the ship to avoid any of the threats that the deflector shield possessed, one of which was its explosive reaction to being breached." "located off the propulsion module"? Huh? Also, maybe rework this into something like "... in order to protect the propulsion module from threats, such as the explosive destruction of the shield generator that would result from a breach in the ship's shields."
 * How is that?
 * Well, I'm still kinda confused by "off the propulsion module". Is it "off of" or something else? Cade  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg  Calrayn  18:26, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
 * Added of. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 18:15, November 5, 2013 (UTC)
 * Are the tractor beams manned by a dozen crewmembers total or a dozen each?
 * The book doesn't specify. It just has the two combat ones being manned by a dozen crew.
 * Article for auto-chef. Might just be a redirect to a pre-existing article.
 * Auto-chef was a miss type- corrected to autochef.
 * "with the larger willed with triple bunk beds" - huh?
 * Willed = walled now.
 * Just a thought: how about merging the Quarters section with the General Information?
 * Done.
 * Reviewed up to the start of the Decks. I'll continue once these have been addressed, but otherwise good work. Cade  StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit.svg  Calrayn  17:38, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review ;) 501st  dogma ( talk ) 18:19, November 3, 2013 (UTC)

Attack of the Clone

 * Context needed on Empire Forever in the intro.
 * There, added that its a CR90.
 * Starfighter combat needs to be linked somewhere.
 * Linked to it in Modifications.
 * "Antennae equipment and ship structure were located just fore of S-Com." I might be missing something, but what exactly do you mean by "ship structure"? I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
 * Took out ship in the ship structure part. The diagram for S-Com has an area labeled antennae equipment and structure, but since I'm not sure what structure they are referring to, I'll just leave it without the ship part.
 * Does cofferdam need to be linked anywhere?
 * Pipe-linked from docking tube.
 * "Recovery wards laid on either side of the bacta ward, the port one had the medical lab, the pharmacy, the medical droid bay, and the doctor's office in front of it." This sentence is a bit wordy and needs splitting up somewhere.
 * I didn't spilt it up, but I think I reworded it enough to make it sounds less wordy. Does that work? 501st  dogma ( talk ) 15:57, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
 * Please take a look at the changes that I made up through "Deck 11." Because this is a large article, the remainder of the article could use a good and thorough copy-edit to iron out some of the details. Take some time to read through the rest of the article (out loud if you need to) to spot any errors, whether they're grammatical or otherwise. I realize that will take a considerable amount of time, but that's what an article of this size needs.
 * Copy edit is finished - let me know if its good enough. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 22:07, January 3, 2014 (UTC)
 * I'll continue with "Deck 11" once you've addressed the above objections.  CC7567  (talk) 08:26, December 28, 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for looking it over - I'll get to the copy edit as soon as possible.  501st  dogma ( talk ) 16:01, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
 * "Deck 11 had a mess for the officer's": something seems a bit off about the possessive apostrophe here; please check.
 * "These single bunks in turn were turn separated": please check this.
 * I'm still seeing a number of careless errors throughout the article&mdash;some of the ones that I corrected were "lay" instead of "laid," "suppled" instead of "supplied," "with out" instead of "without," "has" instead of "had," etc. I'm also seeing a lot of misused en dashes instead of em dashes. I don't expect the article to be perfect, since that's not fair to any nominator, but I would advise you to take another look at the rest of the article and copy-edit any errors you see. Try reading passages aloud to yourself; that's one of the most effective strategies (at least IMO) to catch mistakes. I know from experience that it's harder to catch errors when you're reading something that you've written and already read a hundred times, but do your best. Take a few days to read over the article again if you have to, because quality should be the goal here. I'll pick up with "Modifications" after you've taken some time to proofread the rest of the article again.  CC7567  (talk) 21:31, January 15, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

 * Thanks to Cav for answering a lot of questions, and for checking sources.
 * More of a philosophical question - personally I would say that the more in-depth description of the ship's modular, non-unique features would be better suited to the Nebulon-B article at large, much in the same way that you wouldn't go into Mon Cal physiology on Ackbar's article, especially considering that "The Far Orbit was a standard frigate with no special modification." Essentially, if we do this, then every article on a standard Nebulon-B will have to have the same lengthy and detailed description, which doesn't strike me as being overly wise. Not an objection or anything as I say, just curious as to what the thoughts are on this. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 03:02, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
 * The written up description of the Far Orbit mentions the ships often, and there are a few modifications that make it different, such as the shuttle complement. As for the deckplans, although they are stated in the article as part of an EF76, since it is the Far Orbit Project, it can be assumed that those deck plans are specifically for the Far Orbit itself. There may or may not be areas of the deck plans that vary from other EF76s, though it is stated to have no special modifications, as I have yet to see another set of deck plans. As for every article having this length of description on an EF76, that probably would not happen, as their source probably doesn't provide deck plans for the ship's design. 501st  dogma ( talk ) 11:29, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
 * Good point, although I would argue that perhaps if in future there was a generic overview of a Nebulon-B that echoed the exact stock makeup of the deck plans from the Far Orbit that we would revisit the discussion, for brevity's sake. Much of a muchness at this point though. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 00:53, October 7, 2013 (UTC)