Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Spar


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Spar

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 09:26, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm back, baby!

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:34, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) A crying shame of continuity expertly-handled --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 14:26, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:18, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Kreivi Wolter 14:38, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) 100% support. Great job.--Bella&#39;Mia 11:07, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) I echo Harrar's statements.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:46, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7)  CC7567  (talk) 00:47, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) —Tommy  9281 04:23, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Karen Traviss disapproves of this article:
 * 2) * In the intro: Context on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I.
 * 3) * Context on Dutchess Satine.
 * 4) * Context on Padme Amidala and Darth Sidious.
 * 5) * Context on Kal Skirata and Boba Fett.
 * 6) **I've given Padme the explanatory title, but I'd like to discuss all these as one. I feel that the intro is the place for brevity; it's the place for giving the short, pared down version of Spar's story. If people need further elaboration on what these characters are all about, they can click the links or read the rest of the article, which does provide all the context one needs for Spar.
 * 7) * Why did the Kaminoans call him Spar?
 * 8) **Dunno.
 * 9) * Quotes for the three bio sections?
 * 10) **That might be nice, but it's not required and I'd have to use terrible Traviss dialogue.
 * 11) * Context again on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I in the bio.
 * 12) **Cuy'val Dar is contextualized with "trainers". Slave I clarified.
 * 13) * In the intro, Cuy'val Dar is italicized but in the bio it is not. Which one is it supposed to be?
 * 14) **Should be italicized. Fixed.
 * 15) * Context on the Mandalorian deaths in the Battle of Galidraan? Did Spar participate in this battle? If not, how did he get word of it?
 * 16) **They died, the Jedi killed them. That's all explained, and pretty much all the context needed for the topic. Spar probably read about it or something; we just know he knew about it.
 * 17) *Context in the body on Sidious.
 * 18) **Added.
 * 19) * Why did the meeting end in an altercation between Sull and Jusik?
 * 20) **Clarified.
 * 21) * Why would Vel shoot him if she thought him to be her father?
 * 22) **Cause she's craaaaazy. I could get into the whole Vel/Fett relationship, but I think it better serves the focus of the article to leave it to their respective articles, since Spar would just be concerned with the "being shot" part.
 * 23) * P&T quote?
 * 24) **See above.
 * 25) *Canon-tastic.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:28, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thanks for reviewing. - Lord Hydronium 06:02, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Jinzler
 * 28) * Just one minor point: Spar bore a grudge against Jedi and started an altercation, which Spar attempted to break up. I'm assuming that there is a typo here and Spar didn't try to break up his own fight --Jinzler 12:03, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Gah, should be Sull. Fixed. - Lord Hydronium 04:22, November 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Attack of the Clone
 * 31) * "Spar left the post of Mandalore but stayed on the planet for some months longer": which planet? Norval II? Please clarify.
 * 32) **Clarified.
 * 33) * "He remained on the planet Mandalore for the time being, and Shysa made repeated unsuccessful attempts to get the Mandalore to resume his post." If he left his post as Mandalore, why is he still referred to as such?
 * 34) **Changed to "ex-Mandalore".
 * 35) * "Spar allowed that it could be floated that he was considering a return": the wording is rather awkward and unclear here; please try to reword.
 * 36) **Reworded.
 * 37) * "Skirata informed them of Ovolot Qail Uthan, a Separatist scientist who had worked on the clone genome and could help them, who was in the Republic's custody." The excessive "who"s are making this a run-on sentence.
 * 38) **Reworded.
 * 39) * "and it was to this mission that Spar was assigned, alongside Sull, Fi, and Jusik. After almost two months of preparation, the trio": I'm not sure about you, but I count four individuals that you mention, not three. Please clarify.
 * 40) **Yeah, the clones are the trio. Clarified.
 * 41) * Please source that Fact tag.
 * 42) **Eh, we don't seem to have a consistent rule on whether the title of a succession box should be sourced. I think it's kinda pointless myself. Added it in until I can be arsed to do a CT, anyway. - Lord Hydronium
 * 43) *Overall, please watch your linking; some of it was rather inconsistent.  CC7567  (talk) 07:10, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) Pasta
 * 45) * "Nor did Alpha-Ø2 internalize any loyalty to the Galactic Republic." This is not a complete sentence.
 * 46) **It's actually gramatically fine, but I've changed it for the flow.
 * 47) ***Actually, it was not for this type of writing.
 * 48) * "Gilamar eventually cashed in a favor with Jango Fett&hellip;" Can there be something less casual and more professional sounding than "cashed in a favor?"
 * 49) **Changed to "called".
 * 50) * "&hellip;Spar realized that his purpose&hellip;" So this was a predetermined destiny? Or, was it a conclusion that he developed?
 * 51) **His own conclusion. Tweaked the wording.
 * 52) * "&hellip;and became Mandalore&hellip;" 'To become' seems like a weak verb here. I do not believe one simply "becomes" Mandalore&mdash;it is a title that is either taken, bestowed, or earned. Please tweak this.
 * 53) **Changed.
 * 54) * "Near the climax of the war&hellip;" What was the climax? What source calls it the climax? This seems highly laden with POV.
 * 55) **The linked source, History of the Mandalorians.
 * 56) *** Okay, so there is a source of it. That does not explain what it is or when it took place. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:53, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) ****The entirety of HOTM's description is "Near the Clone Wars' climax". It doesn't give any more than that. - Lord Hydronium 22:04, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * The succession box is incomplete. Please provide the years and the appropriate citations for Jango Fett and Fenn Shysa.
 * 59) **Added.
 * 60) * &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:07, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

 * Unaddressed objections for three weeks. Nominator has failed to respond in any way to a notification of the nomination's inactivity that was made several days ago despite continued activity elsewhere on the site.  CC7567  (talk) 07:06, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Assuming this vote isn't a runaway at this point, I am working on it now. - Lord Hydronium 21:54, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * And now they're addressed. - Lord Hydronium 22:01, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Grunny ( Talk ) 07:12, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:29, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:21, March 2, 2010 (UTC)