Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Qu Rahn


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Qu Rahn
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:03, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Part 2 of QuiGon Project: Dark Forces

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:19, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 15:52, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 19:10, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:22, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Absolutely.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:50, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) --Eyrezer 03:13, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:44, November 20, 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:31, 30 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:31, 30 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 18:37, 30 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:36, 1 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:50, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) I've been waiting for this for a long time (Farlstendoiro)
 * 2) * Early life, 3rd paragraph, has a link to Emperor Palpatine. I suggest two links instead, Emperor Palpatine.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Vader killed all the Jedi at the location—except for Rahn himself. Do we know why he did not kill Rahn? If so, I think it should be explained.
 * 5) **The source does not specify how he survived. Actually, it does not state that Rahn was the only survivor either, so I reworded it.
 * 6) * Please add some context about Yoda surviving Order 66, exiling in Dagobah and -more important- why Rahn knows about Yoda's position.
 * 7) **Addressed. Again, the source does not specify how Rahn learned about Yoda's exile.
 * 8) * After his meeting with Yoda, Rahn became determined to find the Valley of the Jedi in order to free the spirits trapped there so they could join the Force, thus preventing any possibility of the valley's power being used for evil. "Thus preventing" suggests (at least to me) that Rahn, merely by becoming determined, prevented that possibility. I suggest rewording.
 * 9) **Reworded.
 * 10) * Ultimately, Jerec caught wind of Rahn's search. Hoping to find the valley in order to obtain its power, he initiated his own search. I know "he" refers to Jerec, but it might refer to either Jerec or Rahn. Change for "The Inquisitor" or something?
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * I seem to remember that, when Rahn met Morgan Katarn, the former found some connection between his new friend's surname and the clan Rahn had studied at; Rahn gave some importance to that, believing it was a signal from the Force. I don't remember the source. Do you know something about this?
 * 13) **The only mention of the Katarn clan comes from The Dark Forces Saga. The similarity between the clan's name and Morgan's surname is noted there, but there is no indication that Rahn gave it some importance. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * I also seem to remember that, when Rahn attacked the Dark Side Elite, the officers in the bridge rushed to help the Elite; Jerec, however, ordered them not to, as fighting a real Jedi could be a good exercise for the Elite. Again, I can't remember which adaptation of Dark Forces II it was.
 * 2) **I'm aware of this, it's from the Rebel Agent novel. However, I fail to see how this can be relevant to Rahn's article. It only shows how Jerec treated his underlings, something that IMO has no direct relation to Rahn. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***I was thinking it could mean that Jerec respected Rahn or Rahn's prowess to an extent - but never mind.
 * 2) ****Well, it doesn't really show Jerec's respect. Jerec just says: The practice will do them good, and I think that's all that he meant. Not a specific practice with Rahn, but practice against Jedi in general. Just to let you know. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Rahn answered that "that" was entirely up to him. Can you reword that that "that"?
 * 2) **Dunno how to reword it. Changed to italics, like in Yun's article. It worked fine there...
 * 3) * Rahn almost hoped that Jerec would find him, so he could exact justice on the Miraluka. This is the first mention to Jerec being a Miraluka, which is a not-so-known species. Could you add "the Miraluka Inquisitor", "the Miraluka Dark Jedi" or something? Just to remove any ambiguity.
 * 4) **Changed "the Miraluka" to "the Inquisitor". This way, there won't be any ambiguity for sure.
 * 5) * "Telekinesis" is not written with a capital letter.
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * A mention to Socorran (language) redirects to Socorro (planet). Correct it.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) ***Just corrected a typo myself, hope you don't mind.
 * 10) * The BtS could use an image of the "Dark Rahn", if available.
 * 11) **Added. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *That all. Seriously, I had this article in my watchlist and was eager to see it nominated ;) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:42, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Thanks for your review. Sorry for keeping you waiting. I started working on it a while ago, but then I was a little busy, and then I was a little bored. Now that I'm back to writing, stay tuned for Gorc and Maw, and eventually to the rest of Seven Dark Jedi )) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **Proccessed what you've done; some objections still pending. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 18:10, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Priestly duties
 * 3) * "a powerful Force nexus which contained numerous Jedi souls" &mdash; can we add that they were trapped souls?
 * 4) **We can :P
 * 5) * "Rahn instructed to pass the information about the Valley to Morgan's son, Kyle." &mdash; you're missing something after "instructed".
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * "in order to obtain its power" - obtain doen't read like the right choice here; that sounds like a sceptre of Ragnos style power appropriation. Maybe "harness" would work better. Thoughts?
 * 8) **"Harness" is OK.
 * 9) * Context in the main body on the Separatist Crisis please.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * "Although Rahn was baffled by both the new knowledge and the weapon Yoda gave him, Rahn accepted it and vowed to protect the lightsaber as it would him." - It's unclear whether you want "it" to refer to the lightsaber or to Yoda's actions. This doesn't read very well and I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct, so please have a go at rewording it.
 * 12) **Reworded it a bit.
 * 13) * "Rahn arrived on Sulon and stood at Katarn's farm for some time. From Katarn, Rahn learned that the valley did in fact exist." - so he's standing at the farm doing what? Talking to Katarn? Or just musing? Please clarify.
 * 14) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 15) * "Yoda had once told him that if one should choose the dark side, it would forever dominate his destiny" -- you use "one" and then link it to "his", but one is neuter. Can you re-word this so this mistake is excised?
 * 16) **Reworded.
 * 17) * "Rahn appeared to Katarn as a voice" Hmmmm. Not sure about appearing to someone as a voice. Please reword.
 * 18) **Reworded.
 * 19) * "After that, Qu Rahn was not seen or heard contacting Katarn." - the death of Jerec, the liberation of the spirits, events on Ruusan as a whole? Please clarify.
 * 20) **I guess "the events on Ruusan" encompasses all of the above, so I'll just stick to it.
 * 21) * In the powers and abilities section you use "being able" twice in succession. Please reword one of these.
 * 22) **Addressed.
 * 23) *A couple of repeated mistakes. Split infinitives "to even touch" are not really the done thing/ You also used the definite article several times when it was unnecessary to do so and you need to make sure that your antecedents are clear with complex sentence structures. There was also a little too much underlinking for my liking &mdash; Jedi training, death, space, Force vision, sai tok, and the occasional missing word. But above all this was a great read from what were conflicting sources and is a decent biography of a really interesting character. Well done and keep up the great Dark Forces work! -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 12:31, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for your review. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:44, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) Clone attack
 * 26) * "In 3 ABY, Yoda was visited on Dagobah by the famous Rebel hero and Anakin Skywalker's son, Luke Skywalker, who sought training in the ways of the Jedi. Yoda agreed to teach him, and during Skywalker's training, Yoda spoke of Rahn." Please clarify how this is relevant. If you believe it's necessary for the article, it needs to be rewritten so that it doesn't sound like a side fact or piece of trivia like it does now.
 * 27) **After trying to figure out how to make it less trivial and failing to do so, I decided to remove it altogether. Come to think of it, it was really more relevant to Yoda's or Luke's articles.
 * 28) * "with a sleeping gas": if it's "a" like how it is now, it's going to have to be linked or named.
 * 29) **Well, it was only identified as "sleep gas" in the source, but its effects are identical to those of the Coma gas, so I'd assume that they are the same.
 * 30) * "Rahn and his group tried to reach for the space suits": what space suits? There weren't any mentioned before, yet you say "the".
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * "it was the vision that led him to Morgan Katarn": again, what vision? You haven't mentioned it before in the P&A.
 * 33) **Fixed.
 * 34) *Please watch linking. Also, please watch your paragraph size; having paragraphs ranging from one to two to six semi-related sentences in size isn't very consistent.  CC7567  (talk) 03:11, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) **Thanks for review CC. I'll try to pay more attention to linking and paragraph size in the future. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 14:09, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) Eyrezer:
 * 37) * In Confrontation with Jerec, you describe Sariss as a Prophetess of the Dark Side and source it to the radio drama. Isn't this from Pena's articles?
 * 38) **Addressed.
 * 39) * Does the female bounty hunter that attack's Katarn on Sulon have a name? I suspect a redlink might be appropriate.
 * 40) **Addressed
 * 41) * I've added a new source: Qu Rahn is mentioned in the Jedi Academy Miniatures Preview #5. I don't know if that should have its own article. At the moment, I've linked it to the generic article about the expansion pack. It actually looks to add a little bit of new info, re his first appearance to Katarn.
 * 42) **Hmm, actually, that article seems to feature yet another error. Katarn already knew about "his father’s secret rebel sympathies" prior to his meeting with Rahn, having discovered that in Dark Forces: Soldier for the Empire. Therefore, the mention of Rahn telling him about that doesn't make much sense. On the other hand, this discrepancy is rather minor and I don't want the article to be very nitpicky. However, if you want me to add it to the Bts, then I'll do so.
 * 43) ***I think a short sentence in the Bts would be appropriate, similar to noting the HNN error. --Eyrezer 15:33, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ****Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 11:46, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *Apart from these minor things, very nicely written. I'll look for another of yours to review. --Eyrezer 08:33, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **Thanks for the review. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 16:07, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 12:05, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Couldn't find any source for the 55 BBY birthdate. If someone knows it, please tell me. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Stuff like "lackeys" and "minions" stray close to POV. I've removed them and re-worded them to "Dark Jedi", "followers" etc. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 12:31, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Any chance of a better version of File:Qu rahn.jpg? --Eyrezer 07:54, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
 * I've beautified it slightly. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 14:36, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * Cool. --Eyrezer 15:33, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * QuiGon, according to The Dark Forces Saga, Part 2, Rahn is a Jedi Consular. I already add it in his categories, can you find somewhere to put this in the article, like the P&A section?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:49, November 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * Added a small bit. Thanks for the heads up. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:08, November 19, 2009 (UTC)