Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Crev Bombaasa


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Crev Bombaasa

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:37, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: guest nom for Cav's one-man WookieeProject.

(6 Inqs/0 users/6 total)
Support
 * 1) Always liked this character.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:56, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Cull Tremayne 04:44, 11 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 21:08, 15 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) In faith that Graestan and Cav's objections will be met. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:42, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:45, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) How could I not support a DarkStryder based nom?  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 10:14, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "A well-educated man of refined manner and good taste, " A bit POVish IMHO.
 * 3) **Changed.
 * 4) * I'd like to see a link to Hutts' demise in the intro.
 * 5) **Linked to a battle.
 * 6) * "A cultured, well-educated man with a taste for sharp suits and expensive jewelery, he had an insect-like appearance and a genteel, refined manner. Despite this, however, he was known to have a vicious streak" All of this would fit better in P&T, IMO, but if there's a good explanation for its placement, I'm not concerned.
 * 7) **Well, I like to give readers a bit of an idea of a character P&T in the bio as it provides context for his actions, and I think it's particularly relevant to highlight his shift from bad-guy to good-guy.
 * 8) ***Meh, whatever. As long as it's not insisted upon that others necessarily adhere to this. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Sure. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:14, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Bombaasa's Cartel allowed his and others' criminal organizations protection from such large groups" Some awkward wording here.
 * 11) **Tweaked a little; satisfactory?
 * 12) * " unencumbered in exchange for a pipelink" Could this possibly be made a little clearer (the pipelink bit). As far as I know, that's only internet slang, and not really a word.
 * 13) **I think it's what's used in the source, but I've clarified it as much as I think I can.
 * 14) ***That's better. I almost changed it to pipeline, but even that didn't make sense. What you've got now is good. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * "For several years, Bombaasa personally continued to rise in prominence until he effectively ruled Pembric II." This sentence does not fit well where it is-it disrupts the flow of the prose.
 * 16) **You're right, it's a byproduct of adding stuff in after writing it. I've moved it up to the next section; there's not really anywhere else it can go.
 * 17) * "The New Republic envoys and Drake and his bouncers ultimately fled Kebbo and his backup, as well as a fuming Bombaasa" Sentence is unclear.
 * 18) **Better?
 * 19) * Contextify Wild Karrde on first mention.
 * 20) **"&hellip;the ship used by Talon Karrde, a powerful crime lord and information broker&hellip;"
 * 21) ***Facepalm. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * "after leaving his ship in the company of an attractive woman;" Clausal antecedent is unclear; who left the ship?
 * 23) **Reworked.
 * 24) * The bit on the Solos killing the commander and yammosk is incorrect. Please read over The Unifying Force again and correct it.
 * 25) **Removed it, it's not really necessary.
 * 26) ***I just checked the book, and the Solos had to be rescued by Karrde and Calrissian. That might be pertinent. If not, I'll strike. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) ****I added in a little clarifying it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:14, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * "As Karrde implored Bombaasa to keep the ship in his targets" Unclear sentence. Not sure what this should be.
 * 29) **Clarified.
 * 30) * "Additionally, he had a taste for expensive jewelery, which was described as tasteful" Wording.
 * 31) **Changed.
 * 32) * "Bombaasa's newfound compassion" Is compassion the right word for this?
 * 33) **Changed.
 * 34) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:08, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) **And yourself. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:00, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 37) * Some context for Judder Page, Meloque, and Graw.
 * 38) **Added.
 * 39) * Some context for the yammosk at first mention.
 * 40) **Added.
 * 41) * "over saw the gunners' efforts &hellip; overseeing the Errant Venture's gunners' efforts" is a bit repetitive.
 * 42) **Changed a little bit...does that work?
 * 43) * Use of the imperfect tense ("was doing") as opposed to the perfect ("did") is a bit too thick throughout; please change a number of these instances over, as the wording shouldn't be too difficult.
 * 44) **I went through it with ctrl+f looking for "was" and cut out a few. Please let me know if you want more, and if so, let me know where it occurs, since I can't really find any more occurences.
 * 45) * The summary of the conversation at the end of the bio is a bit too detailed.
 * 46) **I've cut it down a tiny bit, but I'm not really sure how to cut it down further while still keeping the facts.
 * 47) * Graestan ( Talk ) 23:40, 6 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:07, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) Cav's DarkStryder nit-pickery:
 * 50) * Some information on why Gaelin was needed by the FarStar crew&mdash;without delving too deeply into the entire affair&mdash;should be included.
 * 51) **I've got "...to use his expertise on their ship," and I think any else would be straying too far from the subject.
 * 52) ***Yeah, its tricky. I may pipelink to the specific section in my FarStar article rewrite if I ever finish the damn thing ....
 * 53) * No mention of the fact that Breslin Drake was a former NRI operative? - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 10:22, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **Mention added. Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:07, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * A really neat character. Cross-medium and multi-author, but without any continuity issues whatsoever (not including the visual discrepancy in Galaxies). Thanks to Culator for providing me with the Galaxies info and thanks to Cav for letting me have this. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:37, 1 December 2008 (UTC)