Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/N-K Necrosis


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

N-K Necrosis

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 20:27, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Grievous Reloaded.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 11:03, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:07, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) -- 1358  ( Talk ) 17:19, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:28, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Looks good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Almost forgot about this. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 04:38, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Excellent job on this, Jang. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:29, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A few quick ones...
 * 2) * The intro needs to be shortened.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * "this article assumes that the story's assumption is correct." Which story? Lord of War ' s or Galaxies?
 * 5) **Ah, thanks for catching that. Fixed.
 * 6) ***Stricken, but I had to reword it for clarity.
 * 7) * The homeworld field doesn't make sense.
 * 8) **Addressed
 * 9) * How did the study of death help him establish an advanced droid brain?
 * 10) **Lord of War doesn't really explain this concept a lot, but I fixed what was said in the creation section.
 * 11) ***The statement still seems out of place. Try to make it fit into the flow of the paragraph or remove it.
 * 12) * The creation section needs to be more focused on the droid itself and a bit less focused on Lorn and Kinesworthy.
 * 13) **Hopefully this is fixed.
 * 14) ***I'd still like to see much of the first two bio paragraphs pared down and streamlined.
 * 15) * Droids don't have P&Ts or P&As.
 * 16) **Yes, I forgot about this. Addressed.
 * 17) * Linking and grammar issues throughout.
 * 18) **Went back and gave the article another copyedit.
 * 19) * More to come, this was just from a glance at the article. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 03:50, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 21) * I've only skimmed the article, but here's what I've noticed so far. First, be sure to put the part about the spacers beating him within some sort of template that alerts readers that this scenario potentially goes differently. The and  templates might work; I'm not sure if there's a different one for a video game as opposed to a standard RPG. For example, a group of players who are weakened from other battles might not easily get past the B-1 battle droid, and some players may have missed the loot or simply decided not to take it. Unless the Peña article establishes canonically that things went down like this. Is that the case?
 * 22) **Actually, it seems that you're not familiar with Galaxies. That specific battle droid is only an NPC that you talk to. Everyone basically can "get through with ease". But the tags have been added for those who haven't played Galaxies.
 * 23) * Second, I'd remove the "unidentified" part of the description of the spacers that beat the droid. It should be enough just to call them spacers.
 * 24) **Addressed
 * 25) * I don't think you need to set aside one-paragraph sections with subheads (such as "inconsistencies"). Readers will figure out you're talking about a new topic by the paragraph break alone. I'll get have some more comments later. Hope these help! ~ SavageBob 17:49, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) **Addressed, and thanks. :)
 * 27) Return of the Sith Empire
 * 28) * In the intro, I don't think Merili's important enough to be mentioned. If you insist on keeping her, give her context and link her.
 * 29) **Hope this helps.
 * 30) * "Doctor Nycolai Kinesworthy, also a cybernetic scientist," - when you say also, that implies that either someone else is a cyberneticist too, or that he is something else in addition to being a cybernetic scientist. The article is unclear. Usually I would fix this myself, but there are several instances of strange wording and unneccesary word usage throughout the article I would like you to catch for yourself.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * "which contained the dust collecting droid body of General Grievous." - another example of silly diction. These, along with syntax errors and the like, need a lot of work.
 * 33) **Addressed
 * 34) * "The droids, whom served as Necrosis' bodyguards, taught the newly reanimated Grievous how..." - calling it the newly reanimated Grievous implies that is IS Grievous resurrected.
 * 35) **Addressed
 * 36) * Zannah doesn't need a mention in the intro.
 * 37) **Addressed
 * 38) * What led the spacers to destroy Necrosis? You need to explain that in the intro.
 * 39) *This is all from the intro. I'll come back and work through "Creation" soon. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:03, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) As I explained repeatedly in our IRC discussion, you have serious issues in your interpretation of the differences between LoW and Galaxies. The contradiction that you claim exists simply doesn't, and it looks to me like its rooted in your unwillingness to make major changes to the article. I'll say it one last time: LoW appears to give an abbreviated account of the droid's destruction, while Galaxies, being the primary source, shows all the events in detail. It's not a contradiction, but rather different ways of telling a story. This issue will remain as an objection until you either satisfactorily PROVE that the absence from LoW is an intended difference or you address the problem and add the Galaxies information to your article.  Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 04:49, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * For now, work on fixing the choppiness of your sentences and transitioning. It seems like a listing of events as it stands now. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 07:39, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) The template mentions that there are alternate paths present in the BTS. I'm assuming that the player can choose to skip N-K. However, I'm not sure if/in what form this info merits inclusion, so when you see me in IRC, PM me and we can discuss this.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:16, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) Another: You need to mention the Kaleesh earlier, because otherwise, this sentence makes no sense, as it lacks context. "It was rumored that Necrosis' armorplast mask had been bought by a high-ranking Imperial Admiral who displayed it as a Kaleesh work of art."  Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 02:36, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) *I actually removed that bit, as it was slightly confusing.  JangFett  (Talk) 07:23, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) Quote is a thought, which is incompatible with our Manual of Style. jSarek 03:12, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *Thanks for catching that, jSarek.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:15, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) **Are there any suitable quotes from Galaxies that would make for a good replacement? jSarek 03:37, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Other than indirect Necrosis related quotes said by Kinesworthy, there's nothing much.  JangFett  (Talk) 16:41, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Note that article quotes can be "by or about the subject" (emphasis mine), so if Kinesworthy's quotes illuminate Necrosis in some way, they're appropriate. jSarek 22:01, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) *****I found some possibly suitable dialog, and have added it to Necrosis' talk page for you to look at. jSarek 00:25, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) ******Yeah, I do remember that quote. It looks good, and I can also check if it's correct later this month in Galaxies.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:51, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 53) * "They also looted the corpses&hellip;" Can droids have corpses?
 * 54) **Addressed
 * 55) * "Necrosis became as worthy of an adversary as the former host of his body&hellip;" That implies he was worthy of having an adversary, not that he was a worthy adversary. Regardless, being a worthy adversary seems a little POV. Can you reword this? Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:38, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) **Reworded it slightly, tell me what you think. Thanks for the review, GT. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 16:45, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) Toprawa:
 * 58) * This wording from the second sentence of the intro is practically verbatim from what you just said in the first sentence. Please find a different way to word this to avoid the redundancy: "to create a highly advanced battle droid"
 * 59) **Addressed
 * 60) * Can we use a different word other than "controller?" It's just very unspecific: "There, the project was presented to the planet's controller"
 * 61) **Addressed
 * 62) * For what purpose is he rounding these droids up? The intro states it is so they can be used as bodyguards for the droid project. Please specify: "After Lorn hired the assassin droid IG-72 to round up two outdated IG-100 MagnaGuards"
 * 63) **Addressed
 * 64) * Can we supplement this in any way? "It was rumored" is very generic. Can we say where it was rumored? Among who or what the rumor circulated? "It was rumored that Necrosis's armorplast mask had been bought by a high-ranking Imperial admiral."
 * 65) **Hopefully this works out.
 * 66) * Better how? Can we elaborate on this any? "though Kinesworthy assured Necrosis that he was better."
 * 67) **Addressed
 * 68) * This sentence doesn't make sense. How is Necrosis being more powerful than the guards at all related to their both favoring melee combat? "Both Necrosis and his NK-3 guards favored melee combat over ranged, although Necrosis was more powerful than his NK-3 droids." Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:56, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) **This sentence is from Galaxies, but I removed it to avoid confusion. Thanks for the review, Tope. :)

Comments
 * Not really an objection, just asking: can this image be included in the article at all? Kreivi Wolter 21:51, February 6, 2010 (UTC)