Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Sair Yonka


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/3 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:02, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:51, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:58, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Yonka.  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:20, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Yonk. Yonk. Yonk ko kyenga see. Havac 22:49, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Even though he is traitorous Rebel scum. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:02, 14 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 17:06, 16 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * "Here, he served on vessels tasked with fend off pirates and defended convoys, on worlds like Elshandruu Pica." Could you reword this statement, perhaps to say that he defended convoys from pirate attacks?
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * "Kina Margath was a Rebel spy" should be clarified, perhaps calling her a New Republic Intelligence agent (with appropriate links)?
 * 5) **I've refrained from directly calling her a New Republic Intelligence agent, as she wasn't one at that point, but I've clarified it some.
 * 6) ***Fair enough.
 * 7) * Is there evidence that Yonka's protocol droid, Poe, is the same one that liaised with Rogue Squadron on Eiattu?
 * 8) **Not per se, but Wedge Antilles mentions that Poe once served Rogue Squadron.
 * 9) **I've read The Bacta War a number of times and only ever recall the one mention of Poe, by Yonka imself in the quote you input about his wardrobe. Oh well, not really an issue anyway.
 * 10) * The caption for the lead quote in the Under Isard's Rule section should be reworded; it was a direct message to Isard and should be attributed as such.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Ditto for the Personality and Traits section.
 * 13) **No can do on this one, I'm afraid; it appears as an italicized thought, directed to no one in particular.
 * 14) ***Fair enough.
 * 15) * "in the bloodbath that followed the debacle on Endor" could be reworded to substitute a more appropriate word than "bloodbath".
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * Could the lead quote in the New Republic Service be formatted as dialogue? It is rather long.
 * 18) **Done.
 * 19) *Other than that, the article looks good.-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:07, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thank you for your input. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:44, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***You're welcome. :-)-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:02, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 23) *" Backed by Yonka's Avarice, allong with Ait Convarion's Corrupter and Joak Drysso's Virulence Ysanne Isard had completely monopolized the production of bacta within the galaxy, putting her in an extremely lucrative position" Fix your italics.
 * 24) * " However, the Lusankya was preoccupied fighting Antilles's forces; Yonka's ship began to float aimlessly through space." I don't like this sentence. It doesn't float well.
 * 25) * "splitting its helm in two". Now this just doesn't make sense. Did it split the hull in two?
 * 26) * " out of the nightmare situation. " weasel words
 * 27) * Is it really necessary to have Aellyn Jandi in the intro? At least tone it down some- she's not that important to the character IMHO.
 * 28) **I've toned it down a bit, though I don't think its out of place for a reasonably short intro on a character with limited info. I'll trim it further/remove it altogether if you wish, but I think it is fine as is. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:40, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ***Acceptable. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:51, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * "He was steadfastly opposed to the harming of innocents who had nothing to do with the Rebellion, and Isard's use of the virus scared Yonka." This should either be in the P&T, or removed.
 * 31) * Destruction of Halanit should be linked.
 * 32) *Link to Thrawn's attack on Coruscant.
 * 33) *Link to Battle of Sluis Van
 * 34) *Link to Battle of Bilbringi
 * 35) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ** All addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:40, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 38) * "Yonka entered the Imperial Naval Academy at a young age, leaving his lover Aellyn Jandi behind on his homeworld, and proved to be a competent and intelligent officer." This does not flow. Please move the stuff about Jandi, or the "skilled officer" part, elsewhere.
 * 39) * "He was soon awarded the captaincy of an Imperial II-class Star Destroyer, the Avarice; although he did infrequently perform missions closer to Imperial Center, the majority of his time was spent in the outermost regions of the galaxy." This just sounds strange to me. Split it into two sentences.
 * 40) * In the second paragraph, please remove illicit, as it sounds repetitive.
 * 41) * Little later: "a place to meet and romance together" I recommend you remove "romance".
 * 42) * De-link Virulence in "Battle of Thyferra".
 * 43) *Interesting.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:07, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) **All sorted. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:13, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 46) * The comma is once more overused. Only use punctuation where it is necessary or provides needed clarification.
 * 47) **How is it now?
 * 48) * "Warlord Zsinj" should always be capitalized.
 * 49) * Reword "supplies of multitudes of."
 * 50) * Warlords such as Zsinj"&hellip;"warlord such as Zsinj"&mdash;Yeah.
 * 51) * "Leaveing"&hellip;UGH.
 * 52) * Use of full name excessive.
 * 53) * When speaking of the Ciutric Hegemony, the word "attack" is used too frequently.
 * 54) * "Yonka had his ship travel directly between the Dreadnaught and another Star Destroyer, the Direption, Yonka's starboard gunners dealt tremendous damage to the Star Destroyer, while the Freedom's port side fired upon the smaller Dreadnaught."&mdash;Run-on.
 * 55) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:49, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) **All sorted, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:29, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * The Isard section suggests that Yonka was at Thyferra while Isard was still on Coruscant in Lusankya. I don't recall that being explicitly established, as opposed to his arriving when she conquered it. Please confirm. Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * "Then she went and lost Coruscant [...] He'd followed her orders and helped her establish her presence on Thyferra, but that was before he heard about the Krytos virus" -- The Bacta War. Unless I'm interpreting that incorrectly, it seems to suggest what I've added to the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Aha. Well, it could be that he simply didn't hear about it until Isard escaped with the Lusankya. I've looked through The Bacta War and the end of The Krytos Trap now, and I can't see anything to directly support the idea that Isard had a presence in the system before she brought Lusankya in. That section is probably better off being made a little more ambiguous. Otherwise, everything looks great. Havac 22:24, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I've ambiguified it some. Does it look okay now? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:33, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * In the same section, it states that Yonka was the most competent of the four captains. This simply shouldn't be there, as the Rogues clearly felt Convarion was the most dangerous. If you're referring to something specific, such as his crew being the best drilled or similar, then be specific about that. Also, if it was just opinion, try to qualify it. "Yonka felt" or "The Rogues felt". Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Clarified. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * What the hell is the attribution in the P&T quote doing? Attributions are supposed to tell you who's talking, not provide running commentary. Ease off that. Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * "Sair Yonka was an intelligent man." Says who? Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thank you for your input. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 13:54, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Could we get a brief mention of Isard's actual death in here, as it was "added incentive" for Yonka to complete the assignment? Besides that, looks good. Hobbes ( Tiger's Lair ) 22:59, 13 February 2008 (EST)
 * Added something to that effect. Thanks, -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:40, 16 February 2008 (UTC)