Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Tactical droid (unidentified planet)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Tactical droid (unidentified planet)

 * Nominated by: Kreivi Wolter 00:06, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My second GA nomination.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:36, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 14:51, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  JangFett  Talk 19:46, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 20:10, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:36, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * You must say "Around 22 BBY" rather than "In 22 BBY", due to the unestablished timeline. For the infobox, you need to say Circa 22 BBY, i.e, c. 22 BBY.
 * 3) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Intro needs minor expanding.
 * 5) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 19:48, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Due to the size of the bio, the intro should be proportionate to the bio.
 * 7) ****I'll do it when the rest of the article is ready.--Kreivi Wolter 17:19, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "Soon the tactical droid learned about the bunker, and, hoping to receive a valuable information about the Grand Army of the Republic, mounted his Single Trooper Aerial Platform, and led his droid forces to the bunker." This sentence is confusing. Anything from the first "and" to the second "and" needs rewording. Also "and" is repetitive in this sentence.
 * 9) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "By the time the tactical droid arrived to the bunker with his forces, Secura had hid herself into the bunker, and positioned her clone troopers to a nearby rock, where a marshal commander CC-5052 sighted the "target" tactical droid with electrobinoculars and signaled Secura that the droids were marching toward the bunker." Cut this sentence. Too much if occurring at the same time which makes it rather difficult to follow.
 * 11) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * " The tactical droid ordered his droid forces to defend him, and quickly fled inside to the bunker." Quite confusing. I don't understand why he ordered his droid forces to defend him then he "went" into the bunker.
 * 13) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "As his forces were all destroyed, he tried to plan his next move, but this was interrupted by Aayla Secura, who confronted and decapitated the suprised tactical droid with her lightsaber, before the droid could trigger a cyberostasis in order to protect the informations in his memory banks." How were his droid forces destroyed? I'm also seeing a lack of build up with Secura's advance. The previous sentence states the tactical droid wanted his droid forces to defend him, but then in the next sentence, all his forces where destroyed&mdash;but by whom? and where where the droids?
 * 15) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * "The unscathed head was then taken by Secura, who reunited with his clone troopers and prepared to transfer the head to a cruiser in order to analyze it with a robolobotomy and learn what informations it might hold." Is this really relevant? After the droid was destroyed, any information after its death should not be mentioned.
 * 17) **Well, of course it is relevant! Many articles have legacy section, which technically isn't even related to the article, and this information relate directly to the droid.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***I see what you mean.
 * 19) * "Like all tactical droids, this droid was far more intelligent than standard battle droids of the Separatist Droid Army and wasn't controlled by a computer, allowing him to think and function independently." "standard", before battle droids, shouldn't be added, it gets too-pov orientated.
 * 20) **In here, it wasn't criticized. I don't think that standard is "too bad" to be from a neutral view.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Well, I criticized it :) But nonetheless, you're right.
 * 22) * In the BtS, mention when the comic was released. To source it, see Procedure, Transfer, or Cold Snap
 * 23) **I would rather not. It is important for the comic, but not for the droid itself. Just like in articles Mag and Shiv, which both are good article.--Kreivi Wolter 17:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *More to come :)  JangFett  Talk 15:24, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) For now, make sure you link any new subject that appears in the bio. I see minor underlinking problems.  JangFett  Talk 18:47, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Roger roger. I checked the links, and they are just good now (at least for me : ).--Kreivi Wolter 19:48, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) CC-Lee attacks
 * 28) * Mention the Clone Wars in the intro.
 * 29) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 06:29, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Context on the Clone Wars in the bio.
 * 31) **...what?--Kreivi Wolter 06:29, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Explain what the Clone Wars where. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:10, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****...uh, you mean that I should tell about the Clone Wars?--Kreivi Wolter 19:26, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****No, no. I believe Lee meant to add context to the Clone Wars. But, however, "Clone Wars" in general defines itself. Context is not really needed.  JangFett  Talk 20:00, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ******Ah, thats what I thought, thanks. (Damn this imperfect english).--Kreivi Wolter 08:13, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Bts needs sourcing.
 * 37) **Darn it! After a long search around the internet, I couldn't find any suitable source. Do you know any? Does anyone know?--Kreivi Wolter 06:29, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ***While I sourced the first sentence of the BtS to the webcomic, where did you find the information about him being the first tactical droid?  JangFett  Talk 18:01, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Gnh! I found it in the article TX-20. But I know that there were no source for it. In here, it is stated that it was episode guide of the Innocents of Ryloth. I wasn't able to find it, thought. I would really, really appreciate help with this one.--Kreivi Wolter 18:21, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *****If the information doesn't appear in the episode guides, episode commentaries, then possibly that line was a speculation and has to be removed.  JangFett  Talk 18:26, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ******I agree. I didn't found any source so it should be removed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:33, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *******I removed it. For now. Hopefully the source will be found someday :¨( . Well, it wasn't directly related to this droid anyway : ) Kreivi Wolter 19:26, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *That's all. Good work. --Clone Commander Lee 18:21, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Thx for the review : ) Kreivi Wolter 20:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Fett II
 * 46) * " Around 22 BBY, the droid attracted the attention of Jedi General Aayla Secura, who wanted to obtain the informations held in the memory banks of the tactical droid's cranial unit." "informations" is not a word. Also, clarify the "who wanted to", Quite confusing. I'm not sure if you're mentioning the droid or Aayla.
 * 47) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * " All of his forces were soon destroyed by clone troopers while he tried to plan his next move in the bunker" Quite confusing. This sentence needs rewording. Two things are occurring, however, it doesn't flow well.
 * 49) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * I'm seeing a lot of short, choppy sentences in the first paragraph of the bio.
 * 51) **Good now?--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Secura planned an ambush, which purpose was to acquire the head of the droid. With her clone troopers, she set a trap by fabricating an information bunker on a rocky canyon of an planet." You can merge these together to make them flow better. Otherwise, a little too pbp.
 * 53) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "Soon the tactical droid learned about the bunker." Merge this with the next sentence. Too choppy.
 * 55) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * "This was interrupted by Aayla Secura, who confronted and quickly decapitated the surprised tactical droid with her lightsaber, before the droid could trigger a cyberostasis in order to protect the informations in his memory banks." Mention what was interrupted. Reword this sentence as well. Possibly move "Before the droid triggered a cyberotatsis in order to protect the informations in his memory banks," before Aayla attacked. Also, "informations" is not a word.
 * 57) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * " The unscathed head was then taken by Secura, who reunited with his clone troopers and prepared to transfer the head to a cruiser in order to analyze it with a robolobotomy and learn what informations it might hold." Using taken doesn't make sense here. What Telekinesis power did she use?
 * 59) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "He became both confused and suprised when he realized that the data banks of the information bunker were empty, as well as when Aayla Secura attacked him, a circumstances he weren't able to compute." Too much is occurring which makes this run-on sentence confusing. Reword.
 * 61) **Good now?--Kreivi Wolter 18:19, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * "He believed himself to be too valuable for the Confederacy of Independent Systems to be destroyed, and ordered his droid forces to protect him and give him room to flee in battle." For the "to be destroyed," this doesn't flow right where its placed. The part, "for the Confederacy of Independent Systems", makes this sentence rather confusing.
 * 63) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 13:24, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) *Please watch your spelling. I'll give it another review.  JangFett  Talk 18:08, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) Mauser:
 * 66) * "This tactical droid was a commander..." - commanding some other droids doesn't give him the military rank of commander. Same for the bio.
 * 67) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 18:19, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Unidentified planet (tactical droid) should probably be mentioned in the intro.
 * 69) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * Do not link to redirects. Masculine programming was one example, not sure if there are others left.
 * 71) **Roger roger. Thx.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "he mounted his Single Trooper Aerial Platform and led his droid forces to the bunker." - That was really choppy. I removed mention of the STAP, hope you don't mind.
 * 73) **Roger roger. Thx.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * "This greatly confused the tactical droid, and before he could recover, the Republic" - the comic doesn't state that he didn't recover from the revelation.
 * 75) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * "The droid tried to plan his next move..." - did he? He just said that he's too valuable to be scrapped.
 * 77) **Guess you're right.--Kreivi Wolter 15:04, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) *Also made minor fixes along the way.  Mauser  Comlink 20:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Mauser redux:
 * 81) * Too many use of the word "bunker", often twice in same sentence. Try some variety.  Mauser  Comlink 23:00, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) **Good now?--Kreivi Wolter 17:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) Attack of the Clone
 * 84) * "He often insulted his underling droid forces, ordering them to march more swiftly and, later, to protect himself." And why did he do this? Out of pleasure of insulting them?
 * 85) **Guess not XD. Adressed.--Kreivi Wolter 16:51, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * "When surprised, he panicked, and wasn't able to respond to the situation rationally." If you're going to say this, you're going to have to spend a while convincing me what is "rational" and what is not. Please just reword this POV-oriented sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 19:45, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) **Better now?.--Kreivi Wolter 16:51, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

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