Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;not be tagged due to an excessive number of redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Ordo Skirata

 * Nominated by:ToRsO bOy 18:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First article. Oh boy.

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Your first vote. Good job! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work.  CC7567  (talk) 04:44, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice job :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:15, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Looking good, Ordo is easily the best Null --Jinzler 20:28, 17 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  11:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Very good work.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:49, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Peragus II

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second nomination; I've looked over last nomination's faults and, to my beliefs, addressed them. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 19:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:56, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Is good Enochf 10:27, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "Following the events of 3,951 BBY, when the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed due to the Sith Lord Darth Sion's pursuit of the Jedi Exile, and a stray blast from Sion’s ship, the Harbinger, detonating the Peragus asteroid field." Is the "when" in here by mistake, because this sentence makes little sense as is.
 * 3) *"almost destroyed by attempts at" What was almost destroyed? The mining facility or the planet?
 * 4) *"The planet was devoid of any sort of native species, with Peragus II also being devoid of any sort of Human settlements other than the Peragus Mining Facility, a facility sealed to the planets atmosphere other than when exited when wearing a space suit." This reads poorly. Plus, you already mentioned the mining facility; no need to repeat context.
 * 5) *The drift chart info seems unnecessary and can probably be removed.
 * 6) *"The first fuel mining colony established on Peragus II proved to be short of life, when an accidental blaster shot triggered an explosion of flammable substances in Peragus II's crust and mantle, so powerful that it turned a large chunk of the planet into an asteroid field, which would become the Peragus asteroid field, and exposed its core" This bit is confusing and needs to be clarified and written better.
 * 7) *Your referencing is completely unnecessary. If all the info in one paragraph comes from one source, no need to source it multiple times in that paragraph. For example: The second paragraph all comes from KOTOR II. Just have the one source at the end of it, rather than scattered throughout.
 * 8) *Context on Citadel Station.
 * 9) *"After the Jedi Civil War, Telos IV relied on this resource to keep Citadel Station in orbit, and with the most humanitarian elements of the Senate putting their careers at stake in the restoration project, any interruption of the work on the Peragus mining facility was likely to have greater repercussions throughout the Republic. If the fuel supply was somehow compromised, Citadel Station would risk falling onto the planet's surface, dooming the restoration efforts there and throughout the Outer Rim." This is written a bit poorly, and is confusing. The restoration project needs to be explained a bit more.
 * 10) *Context on Kreia.
 * 11) *Rather than having many small pargraphs in the "Skirmish" section, try combining several of them.
 * 12) *What is the Exile's standing with the Jedi?
 * 13) *Context on Goto.
 * 14) *Why did HK-50 want the Exile for himself? To claim the bounty?
 * 15) *Context on Atton Rand, please.
 * 16) *"The destruction of the mining station had a deeper impact than the Exile could imagine." I think this is unnecessary, and it seems OR. Remove it, I'd suggest.
 * 17) *The last sentence of "Aftermath" is really confusing. Who is G0-T0? What is going on?
 * 18) *You refer to it as both the "facility" and the "Facility". Please choose one and stick with it.
 * 19) *When you have an Inhabitants section, there's no need to detail the species that live there earlier. The same with repetitive descriptions of the mining facility.
 * 20) *Linking! You have things that need to be linked, and links that are repeated. I fixed some things for you, but you should do at least some of it yourself.
 * 21) *Having never played this game, I find myself confused at many things described in the article. Please go through, contextify things, and fix up the general prose.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:10, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Alright, I've addressed those. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  08:10, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Attack of the Clone I
 * 24) * Please be careful about what you focus on; the article is about the planet, not about the skirmish on it. Yes, the event was one of the only major events there, but try not to excessively focus on it.
 * 25) * Also, a note for future noms: in the body, be sure to only link to something once at its first mention, even if the body of the article has multiple sections.
 * 26) * "meant that further mining projects were virtually abandoned." Can "meant" be substituted for anything else? Because "meant" is usually used for a statement or something that needs clarification, not an event or action. Perhaps "resulted" or something similar.
 * 27) * In the first paragraph of the "Description" section, the Peragus Mining Facility is mentioned twice, both times with different context. Please change.
 * 28) * "such as the Peragus Mining Facility, which contained a number of miners." The word "contained" makes it sound like the miners were being kept prisoner, or that they were somehow inactive.
 * 29) * "meaning that anyone wishing to visit such places as the Peragus Mining Facility..." See third objection.
 * 30) * Jedi Civil War, Galactic Republic, Telos IV, and Telosian Restoration Project need context. Mandalorian Wars somewhat has context, but it should be fixed up.
 * 31) ** Context still needed for the Republic and the restoration project. Also, the context for the Galactic Republic should appear with the first time it is mentioned; otherwise, it seems confusing if you mention something without context.  CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *** It looks better, but try to mention the context in the same sentence, if possible.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "and miners such as Coorta advocated taking her to Nar Shaddaa to collect the bounty that criminal boss Goto had placed on Jedi." If the word "taking" can be changed to a noun instead of a subject verb, it would sound better.
 * 34) * "and died with the rest of the miners when the droid caused an emergency lockdown to seal off the hangar and keep Coorta from fleeing the Facility with the Exile. First of all, I changed "along" to "with". Also, this part of the sentence is a bit of a run-on; please change.
 * 35) * "Spaceworthy" should be changed to a clearer word.
 * 36) * "As they got to the ship from the docking bridge to the Harbinger, Sith assassins stalked them and Kreia had to duel Darth Sion to allow the others to escape to the hangar through the fuel line." The first part of the sentence goes from "to" to "from" and back to "to" again, which does not seem to make sense. Also, the word "stalked" is too colloquial; please change.
 * 37) * "either incapacitated or incarcerated": try not to speculate. If need be, state it in the "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 38) * For the "Locations" section: when you use "one of two points of interest", you don't mention the second one till a few paragraphs on. It's too big a gap; please change.
 * 39) * The second sentence of the Bts does not make sense; please take a look at it.
 * 40) *I'll take another look after these are addressed. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 03:43, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Fixed, but for your misunderstanding we discussed via the IRC. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:09, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone II
 * 43) *The article is looking good. A few of the objections above remain; please remind me if we covered them over IRC. Just a few more things:
 * 44) * "The assassin droid told the administrator that the Exile was a Jedi, meaning the administrator tried to have the Exile picked up by the Republic to stop miners such as Coorta demanding that she be taken to Nar Shaddaa, to collect the bounty crime lord Goto had placed on Jedi." Run-on, and also uses the word "meaning" in a confusing manner, as I mentioned before.
 * 45) ** The run-on has been fixed, but the "meaning" hasn't. "This meant that" does not change it, and is in fact synonymous to what it replaced. Please reword it. Also, a similar objection to this one remains from my first look; please check above.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "To allow the others to escape, Kreia dueled the Sith Lord Darth Sion." First of all, I fixed up the sentence a little. But why was Darth Sion there in the first place? Without mentioning Sion's purpose, it sounds like he was just randomly there.
 * 47) * CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:07, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *** Please review my objections again; any objections that are not crossed out still remain.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Alright, now addressed, although you seem to have missed me having closed the gap in the Locations section. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  07:30, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Sorry for the delay; I forgot to look at the timestamps and was confused if you addressed the objections or not. A few still remain; please check the uncrossed ones above.  CC7567  (talk) 06:11, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Good article nominations/Peragus II. Everything here needs to be handled.  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:13, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *I believe I have. Can you point out which one(s) you don't think I've addressed, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:20, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) Cav's watchful eye
 * 55) *Mention should be made of the establishment of the Peragus Mining Facility in the intro before mentioning its destruction.
 * 56) *Under description, you mention that the Mining Facility is on the planet; I thought it was built in the asteroid field itself?
 * 57) *In description: Located in the Peragus system in the Outer Rim Territories, Peragus II was a planet ravaged to being almost uninhabitable, except for designated stations on the planet's surface, such as the Peragus Mining Facility, a local mining facility on the planet's surface, inhabited by a number of miners. Run on sentence and repeated wording. Please rewrite for clarity.
 * 58) *First paragraph of Skirmish at Peragus II - the mention of the HK-50 droid and the Harbinger next more context. How did the Exile get from the Harbinger to the Ebon Hawk? Why was the HK-50 droid after her? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:23, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll refrain from voting until there's been some feedback. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Zelka Forn

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Doctor? Doctor Who?

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Seems mostly fine now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:08, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "After the destruction of the Galactic Republic, the main galactic government of the time, warship Endar Spire, individuals brought in several Republic soldiers who had been seriously wounded in the battle." Huh? Either something's missing or there's extraneous words here, because this doesn't make sense.
 * 3) * "Rakghoul this, rakghoul that": Rakghoul is inconsistently capitalized. Most notably, the term "[R]akghoul serum" is used at least once each way. I seem to possibly remember that Rakghoul should be capitalized, but I'm not sure if that is true or if my crazy brain is making stuff up. Which is correct?
 * 4) *I did a copyedit for you. Remember that the Ref template is only used in the infobox&mdash;you had it in the body, too, which I fixed. Otherwise, it's well-written and easily understandable for someone totally unfamiliar with that era. Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Benevolent is POV. Please remove.
 * 8) * Linking. Make sure everything is linked once in the intro and the body.
 * 9) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 10) * Try not to use "grieved" twice.
 * 11) * After the destruction of the warship Endar Spire. Why and by whom was the Spire destroyed? Also, you haven't established where this event happened.
 * 12) * Despite the Sith government, the government that followed the Sith ideology, having an occupation of Taris, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers. He put a few of the soldiers in kolto tanks, healing medical tanks, in a back room of his facility. this doesn't flow very well. May I suggest something like Despite the fact that Taris was occupied by the Sith, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers, putting them in kolto tanks in a back room of his facility.
 * 13) * In the intro, you say that Revan killed a patrol to obtain the serum, but in the body, you say he found a corpse. Which is correct?
 * 14) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 15) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 16) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 17) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Fixed, although no, Revan looked in the back room. I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu's second look
 * 20) * There are some previous objections you haven't taken care of. In future, put a message after each objection, to alert the objector to the fact that they are all done, and so that if there are any issues, they can continue the discussion. In this case, to keep it organised, I'll strike all the old ones and reiterate any that are still not addressed.
 * 21) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 22) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 24) **I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him.
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure that you can persuade Forn into believing that you are a friend of the Republic. He then opens the door. The other way is to bash through the door of course. Instead of just saying he discovered them, you need to elaborate on how. One of these outcomes will have to be expanded upon in the body, while the other will have to go to the bts.
 * 26) ****Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * After Revan discovers the soldiers, he and Forn have a short converstion, the details of which should be added into the article.
 * 28) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 29) **You haven't added anything about the CSWE entry or his reaction of you give the serum to someone else.
 * 30) ***Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required.
 * 32) **That was added in before hand; oddly, however, the article includes content however isn't showing anything beneath the first paragraph of the BtS. I'll talk to staff about that. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 34) ** I didn't mean for you to delete that info, I was merely saying that it looked a bunch of facts in a list. The info should be restored and integrated into larger, more orgainsed paragraphs.
 * 35) ***Not deleted. Same problem. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * This page currently is not categorised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **It is categorized, but the categories are in the section not showing. By the time you're reading this, they should be fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Hm. Odd. Seems fine now. Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **I'll vote as soon as an AC review comes in. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:12, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 41) *Last names after first mention, please.
 * 42) **What do you mean? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***The first time you mention an individual, use their full name. From that point onwards, use their last name only. Using first names is seen as too informal for our encyclopedia. --Eyrezer 04:13, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * I'm pretty sure things like "the South" when referring to the Upper City can be dismissed as game mechanics.
 * 45) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "amnesiac Jedi Knight" doesn't quite cut it when referring to Revan. At the time, he was pretty much nothing in terms of being a Force user; I'd almost prefer that his Force sensitivity is left completely out.
 * 47) **Mhm. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "presumably killed" is speculation. Only say what is known.
 * 49) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * Taris has a "main city?" I thought Taris was a city.
 * 51) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * Again, something like "no known family members" is out-of-universe and speculation.
 * 53) **Removed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Linking needs to be more thorough.
 * 55) **Hm. Could you point out generally where, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * Rakghoul disease needs context in the bio.
 * 57) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Second paragraph of the bio needs to be broken up; it's a mishmash of not-yet-converged storylines.
 * 59) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * How Shan was on Taris should be provided.
 * 61) **Provided. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * "Which option Revan took was unknown, as neither results in a change of alignment. The nature of the conversation afterwards, unless Revan threatened Zelka, was such that it did not change the plot nor the character's alignment, therefore it's undetermined if Revan ever discovered the soldiers." – This is all pretty unnecessary. You can sum it up by stating that later sources which canonized the light-side path don't mention Forn or the medical facility.
 * 63) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * What exactly is meant by "one thousand and fifteen hundred credits?"
 * 65) **Whoops, addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 68) *City of Taris? Do you mean the planet?
 * 69) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) *Sith government? Was it really a government? Better wording could be used here.
 * 71) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *Give more information on the rakghoul disease in the bio.
 * 73) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) *Give more info on Revan and the circumstances of his amnesia.
 * 75) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) *Quote for the P&T?
 * 77) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) Attack of the Clone
 * 79) * "In his standing and position as a doctor": redundant; choose one or the other.
 * 80) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * "Forn would not refuse help to anyone, regardless of their homeworld, species, political affiliation, personality, or even if he hated them on a personal level": the last one stands out with the lack of a noun; please reword.
 * 82) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * "medically help or assist": I reworded it to this, but "help" and "assist" are redundant, and "medically" also makes the wording awkward.
 * 84) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "and individuals brought in several Republic soldiers": unclear; what were the individuals' affiliation?
 * 86) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "even with the possibility of being arrested or even shot": unclear as to who he would be punished by, and the wording is a bit awkward as well.
 * 88) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * Awkward wording that Forn was upset about the plague; try to word to something clearer.
 * 90) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * "Revan arrived at Forn's facility and convinced him to show them the Republic soldiers, by declaring their loyalty to the Republic." Revan convinced Forn to show who the soldiers?
 * 92) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) * What information did Revan agree not to disclose?
 * 94) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * "Although Forn was originally fearful that Revan would betray him, Revan proved him wrong." Sounds strange never mentioning this before; try to move it up. If it happens here, please make it clearer.
 * 96) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * Why was Revan's alliance with the Republic a problem for Forn and/or his decision?
 * 98) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) ***Please check this again. Do you meant, "Allied with the Sith as he was, Revan was in favor of Forn’s choice."? Forn's choice was in favor of the Republic, and this wording makes it sound like Revan was allied with the Sith. Please clear this up.  CC7567  (talk) 07:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) * "Revan refused, however, believing Forn needed them more than he and his companions did." Please replace "them" with something more specific.
 * 101) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) * "even if they were an off-worlder, alien, or even if he hated them": same issue with the different elements not matching; please try to reword.
 * 103) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "Forn considered Revan's spirit very noble": builds too much off of each other using "spirit".
 * 105) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) * "for its work on making a Rakghoul serum before it was taken by the Sith": awkward wording.
 * 107) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) * "the light side choices are those chosen canonically": do you mean that "the light side choices are canonical"?
 * 109) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) * "Although canon dictates that the most light side choices would have to be taken": bit unclear; please check and/or clarify.
 * 111) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) * Are dark side points bad? It sounds like it from the use of "however"; please check.
 * 113) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll withhold my vote until some feedback comes. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * You're not meant to vote for your own noms. We got rid of that in the GA system revamp. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1) Only one unaddressed objection remaining, yes, but one that's been sitting here for over three weeks. This isn't getting a lot of activity, and unless there's something done soon, it needs to go.  CC7567  (talk) 02:35, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *My bad; miscounted the weeks. It's only been two, but I still think it needs to be addressed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:48, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Noticing Floyd's unaddressed objection, I'm going to have to reinstate my vote. With so many current GANs, the tolerance for inactivity is becoming lower.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *I apologize; I've only just noticed Floyd's outstanding objection. Unfortunately, I won't be able to address it until Sunday afternoon, as I won't even be on site until then. If you feel the need to remove the nom then I'm dissapointed but I understand. If you could, however, give me a little more time, seeing as I didn't realize, I'd appreciate it. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  06:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Calo Nord

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:17, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope it passes.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:09, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Smart.  Mauser  Comlink 18:36, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) *The intro currently seems rather disproportionate to his history; the intro is currently half the size of the history section. Please see if you can cut it down some. Notably, his activity on Taris can be shortened as a whole.
 * 3) * "When he was no longer one of the hunted, he became one of the hunters" I understand the embellishment, but it's not appropriate to the article as formal writing; please change.
 * 4) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***No, it's still there; just reword it in general.
 * 6) ****Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "When the Sith began to bombard Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was Nord's rival&mdash;and the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk." This sentence is very confusing; please check again.
 * 8) **Try it now. I rearranged the second paragraph, and I think I made it clear that it was Shan, Onasi, Ordo, and Revan who were stealing the Ebon Hawk, the original version just said "they".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***I put this down instead: Shan and her companions—the amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo—attempted to steal Kang's flagship. I removed the "who was one of Kang's employees", and the "former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * It says in the intro that several people put the bounty on his head, while in the body it's only one.
 * 11) * "She, the former Sith Lord and amnesiac soldier Revan, the Republic captain Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo&mdash;who was also one of Kang's employees&mdash;attempted to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk so that they could escape Taris." Unclear; please reword.
 * 12) **I did put "Shan and her companions" down, but I think that who her companions were is important.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Well, now context for Revan is missing. I think you can say that Revan was a Sith Lord and leave it at that; anything more will disrupt the flow. It was mainly the multiple contexts for Revan that bothered me because it made it unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 18:48, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****That's cause I created two sections, "Battle of Taris" and "Endgame", the 2nd paragraph has the context on who Revan was.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:25, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "to take everyone down with him" makes it sound like he was descending into somewhere; reword please.
 * 16) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "and told the Sith Lord, along with the Sith Admiral Saul Karath": Unclear whether the admiral was addressing the Sith Lord with Nord or was part of the audience.
 * 18) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "and to capture Shan alive, if possible": unclear whether if he wanted to capture Shan alive, "if possible," or whether he wanted to capture Shan "if possible."
 * 20) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***No, it's still unclear.
 * 22) ****How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "Nord and a group of thugs": can "thugs" be replaced (in all places it appears) by something less colloquial and more specific?
 * 24) **What else could I really call them? I can't call them mercenaries because they weren't, same deal with boubty hunters.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:35, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***If I might intrude and propose synonyms: They were enforcers, minions, henchmen (henchbeings?), [professional] criminals, subordinates, followers. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Thanks for the suggestion, Skippy Farlstendoiro. Put "henchman" down instead of thugs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *"Nord gave the former Sith Lord credit for leading him on quite a chase": too colloquial.
 * 28) **How about this? Nord told Revan that he gave him credit for leading him on quite a chase, however, Nord said him that no one could escape him in the end.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***It's the dialogue, mostly; that and the following sentence are a bit distracting from the events. Try to see if you can shorten it a tad.  CC7567  (talk) 15:58, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "When Revan tried to get Nord to agree to a deal": please replace "get", as it's too colloquial. Also, what was the deal?
 * 31) **I replaced it with this: When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting,. How's that?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Why is Nord's species and gender all the way down in the P&T instead of at the beginning of the body?
 * 33) * First sentence of the P&T is rather POV-oriented; please try to reword.
 * 34) **This is from his entry in the databank, however.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Nord's loyalty was to hard credits, and sometimes, to the thrill of the hunt.": please try to reword.
 * 36) **I believe I've taken care of this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***It's still just too confusing, and the embellishment isn't working. Please just remove this and reword the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 16:45, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ****Except this is also stated in the databank's entry on him, so I can't just ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *****The DB entries aren't necessary good formal writing. In this case, the embellishment isn't working because it's making the sentence too confusing. Find a different way to state it. What did this loyalty mean?  CC7567  (talk) 23:54, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ******Adjusted it to "whoever had the most credits".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:30, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) *I'll take another look after these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) One:
 * 43) * On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters and murdered his parents. - Databank says he murdereds his parents after the slavers, but not exactly on the same day.
 * 44) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * You should state that he was taking assignments from everybody as long as he was paid. Both in the intro and the bio. The fact that he worked for the Republic in the Core should be mentioned as well.
 * 46) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * You say that Revan, Canderous, Carth and Bastila were all trying to steal the Ebon Hawk, while in the game only Revan and Canderous are required to be present at that moment, and only one other party member is accompanying them. Need to clarify both in the intro and the body.
 * 48) **This is where it gets tricky. Yes, you can only have one party member, but Karath clearly tells Malak that Shan was aided by Carth Onasi, and when he introduces Nord to Malak, he says that he was there when Bastila and Carth escaped the planet. I feel that this overrides the game mechanics, but incase it doesn't I just mentioned Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ***Ah, get it now. How about you explain all this in an additional reference?
 * 50) ****Use same tags, but instead of a link to a source, just type a text with a clarification.
 * 51) *****Take a look at it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ******I choose to rewod it myself, please check if it's okay with you.
 * 53) * Unsourced paragraph in the P&T.
 * 54) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "He also carried four stun grenades and two thermal detonators... Nord carried 2,000 credits on his person." - sounds a lot like game mechanics. Needs serious tweaking.
 * 56) **I believe I've taken care of this. Since the exact amount of grenades and detonators is stated in the campaign guide, I couldn't ignore it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ***Better now.
 * 58) * Optional: If you use Mission quote about Iridian Plague, I suggest you mention it somewhere in the body as well. In that case you will also need to create the respective article.
 * 59) **Huh? What respective article, since it already exists?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:18, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ***Well, I decided not to wait and created the article myself. I also removed a link from a quote.
 *  Mauser  Comlink 08:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Two:
 * 2) * I noticed that you have no content whatsoever about the fact that Revan infiltrated Kang's base and that Nord was present there during the Destruction of Taris. Also, please check if Nord had any dialogue with Revan or Canderous in a scene where Davik shows Revan his temporary apartments.  Mauser  Comlink 06:45, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Now it looks like you put too much content in those two paragraphs. You definitely don't have to retell every single line of dialogue for example - just mention that Calo was taunting Canderous and drop everything else. Also, you describe the tour of the Davik's estate (irrelevant in content to Nord) but forgot to mention that Revan was pretending to be part of the Exchange in the first place. See what you can do about it.  Mauser  Comlink 15:16, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Try it now. (I meant to put his down yesterday)--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:53, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll take care of these objections as soon as I can, in a matter of a few days.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:21, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * By the way, if you notice that the context for Carth says he's a commander, sccording to the KotOR campaign guide, he is, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: Procedure

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 04:07, 16 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:For once, I don't have a stupid joke to make. It's a six-page web comic, what can I say? :P

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  Talk 11:04, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) NaruHina; Devil's Advocate
 * 2) * I'm sorry, but this article needs a lot more info. It needs a Conception section and a Production section (Or at least a Development section to cover these.).
 * 3) **I changed the Bts to a Development section.
 * 4) *** It needs more info relevant to a development section. That info is fine as a Bts but it has nothing to do with the conception of the comic, so it doesn't qualify currently as a "development section." Just something more about the purpose of it (why they're doing these parallels) and maybe even the creators' discussions about it would suffice this. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:30, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I believe mentioning who created the comic is relevant in the development section. Also, since the comic is so small, there really isn't much information on the Procedure out there. I did put in how it was paralleling the show, but other than that, there really isn't much I can put in there. Kilson Likes PIE 17:44, 23 May 09 (UTC)
 * 6) * It should have some kind of Reaction section, for response by critics, but I'm a little flexible on this one as it is a six page web-comic.
 * 7) **Well, I can't really find any real reactions other than a few fan reactions on some small websites. I don't think a reception section is possible.
 * 8) ***Well, send the sites to my talk page and I can judge if they're noteworthy, IMO at least. Its very possible, even if it is mostly or all fan reaction. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * It needs to be sourced (i.e. the Infobox and Bts). (And no, not all that info is sourcable to the comic itself)
 * 10) **Added
 * 11) * Nowhere in the article does it say that it is part of a series of comics paralleling the show.
 * 12) **Added
 * 13) *** I'm not finding the addition. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:30, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****First sentence in the Development section.
 * 15) ***** That should also be in the intro. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ******Added
 * 17) * The plot section should be much more detailed. For example, there is no mention of the planet Bormus.
 * 18) * Context on Anakin Skywalker.
 * 19) **Context added
 * 20) * "Anakin Skywalker speaks to Supreme Chancellor Palpatine and Senator Ask Aak via hologram, asking them whether or not he can use the new Y-wings starfighters against the Confederacy's new weapon." What weapon?
 * 21) **Added
 * 22) *** The intro too. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Context on Twilight.
 * 24) **Added
 * 25) * Context on Bormus Testing Facility.
 * 26) **I already gave some, but I added a little more
 * 27) * "However, after Skywalker and Tano bring up telling the Supreme Chancellor about how the Gran delayed their efforts, the worker allows Skywalker to take the fighters." A bit confusing. Reword.
 * 28) **Reworded
 * 29) ** Oh, I forgot. It needs a Main Characters section. In this case, its likely all of the characters in the story with names and the Gran, who should probably have his own article.
 * 30) ***Added
 * 31) *Good luck. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:42, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Lucius malfoy7
 * 33) * My preliminaries.
 * 34) ** Development needs a lot more work. Any Bts/interesting stuff you can find needs to be included.
 * 35) ***I put some extra stuff in there, but as I said to Naru above, there really isn't that much information out there.
 * 36) ** Please expand/reword in the sections that Naru has explained, and these:
 * 37) *** When they reach the facility, Anakin speaks to a Gran working at the facility while Matchstick and Broadside, members of Shadow Squadron, secure the fighters. R2-D2 gives the worker falsified documents stating that Skywalker can take the new starfighters, but the Gran refuses to give the Jedi the Y-wings because it violates procedure. Run-on.
 * 38) ****Fixed
 * 39) *** Overall plot expansion.
 * 40) ****Expanded
 * 41) **I'll review more once these are addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Love  Life  Liberty   02:29, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Fett's 2 cents
 * 43) * "Skyalker" Misspelled Skywalker
 * 44) **Fixed :)  JangFett  Talk 00:08, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "Skyalker, his personal astromech droid R2-D2, Tano, and Shadow Squadron take off in the Twilight, Skywalker's personal G9 Rigger freighter." Needs rewriting, possibly begin with Skywalker took Shadow Squadron along with...
 * 46) * "When they reach the facility" Whose they?
 * 47) **Added
 * 48) * "At first, the clone troopers guarding the starfighters don't allow the pilots near the ships." Why?
 * 49) **Added
 * 50) * "However, since Broadside and Matchstick have a Jedi with them that outrank the guards, they are allowed to secure the Y-wings." You introduced 2 unknown characters and you didn't introduce them previously. Possibly add they belong to Shadow Squadron.
 * 51) **Ummm... look at the first sentance in the second paragraph, "Anakin speaks to a Gran working at the facility while Matchstick and Broadside, pilots from Shadow Squadron, secure fighters." Kilson Likes PIE 17:52, 23 May 09 (UTC)
 * 52) * "The Gran worker, however, allows Skywalker to take the fighters after the Skywalker and Tano threaten to tell the Supreme Chancellor about how the Gran delayed their efforts." Needs a rewrite.
 * 53) **Added
 * 54) *Overall this article has potential and with more expanded context Ill give you my vote :) Ill update if I see more that needs to be fixed.
 * 55) **Yeah, I probably nominated the article prematurely, thanks for the review dude. :) Kilson Likes PIE 20:54, 24 May 09 (UTC)
 * 56) * JangFett  Talk 23:53, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) The development section would be an appropriate place to make some mention of Pablo's intentions as to the Gran in the comic. --Eyrezer 04:25, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) *Addressed, thanks for the review. Sorry I didn't get to your objection sooner, I didn't actually notice it. With all the objections I've had with this nom, it just kind of mixed together with the others. Kilson Likes PIE 04:04, 17 June 09 (UTC)
 * 59) Here we go:
 * 60) * Leading quote? I'm sure an appropriate one can be found.
 * 61) *In the intro, it needs to be made clearer that it was part of TCW web comic series, not just a "web comic". I'm intending for you to also get out the choppiness of the first two sentences by merging/rewording them.
 * 62) * "Drawn" needs to be varied in word choice.
 * 63) * It wasn't specified that Matchstick and Broadside were able to access the Y-wings at the facility because they had a Jedi; that was just dialogue. It was heavily implied, yes, but not clarified. That sentence needs to be reworded to avoid speculation.
 * 64) * "stating that Skywalker can take the fighters" needs to be worded less colloquially.
 * 65) *All the people mentioned in the Bts need to be given context in terms of the television series.  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) * "stating that Skywalker can take the fighters" needs to be worded less colloquially.
 * 2) *All the people mentioned in the Bts need to be given context in terms of the television series.  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to strike NaruHina's objections (AC only)

 * 1) He won't be here for a while, and for now, they appear to be covered. Anything remaining can be addressed by others.  CC7567  (talk) 03:16, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:17, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:25, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Vote to strike Lucius malfoy7's objections (AC only)

 * 1) Sadly, likewise with reasons above.  CC7567  (talk) 22:33, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Wow, anyone who objects to this nom should really be careful from now on. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:35, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 22:46, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Battle of the Hungry Ghost

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 16:06, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None, just pass it

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 01:15, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Looks good. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:19, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  11:26, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * For a "minor battle", the intro is rather disproportionate. Please see if you can cut it down some.
 * 3) **I'm not exactly sure how to do that, can you tell me which parts I don't need?&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***You have to use your own judgment for this. However, the prelude in the intro doesn't need that much, and overall, there are some details (key word, "details") that could be cut out. If you still need help, let me know.
 * 5) ****I still need some help, because I don't exactly know what to cut out.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:57, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****I'll leave a message on your talk page soon.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Good, I just need to know what to take out and what to put in in the intro.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:51, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *In the future, for ref tags in the infobox, please remember to use Ref templates.
 * 10) **Thanks for the help.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * The Hungry Ghost needs context in the intro. It's mentioned (and linked) later in the intro with context, yes, but it comes too late.
 * 12) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *** You might want to add the stuff about Rokk and his pirates' ownership of the craft here, because it's a bit confusing coming later.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Now it's done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "hundreds of thousands of pieces of Death Star wreckage": too wordy, please shorten.
 * 16) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * They "scavenged" some of the parts of what?
 * 18) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Millennium Falcon ' s affiliation? It's unclear at first and confusing.
 * 20) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "The pirate, wishing to get the cargo the Millennium Falcon was carrying, bombs, sent out fighters to disable the ship, which they executed successfully.": "get the cargo" is too colloquial; also, the sentence overall is confusing. Please check this.
 * 22) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *** The "the cargo it was carrying, bombs." is rather choppy; please try to rephrase. The embellishment doesn't really work here.
 * 24) ****Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***** Colloquial wording still remaining; please check.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ******Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived and confronted the pirates. Luke's fighter, however..." It would be better to say that he arrived in the fighter first.
 * 28) **I'm not sure I understand what you're saying.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *** It would be better to say "another Rebel, Skywalker, arrived in his fighter and confronted the pirates." because it's at first unclear about how he arrives.
 * 30) ****Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Unclear if "tyrannical" applies to the Empire or the Death Star. Also, it's slightly POV-oriented.
 * 32) **Removed tyrannical, you're right about that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * It's confusing as to why Skywalker and Solo are "future members". Just say that they rescued her and became members later.
 * 34) **Removed future.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * "Solo decided to investigate and find the unknown ship": investigate and find are rather redundant; please choose one or the other. Also, it's confusing as to why Solo would have to "find" the ship, because if he "tracked" it, didn't he already know its location?
 * 36) **True, chose investigate because it sounds better and he couldn't find it because of the wreckage.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***It's not very clear why his view being obstruction would cause him to investigate the ship itself.
 * 38) ****He assumed it was Imperial spies.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *****It's still unclear. I don't understand why his view being obstructed would lead him to investigate or believe that the ship contained Imperial spies. Please clarify this.  CC7567  (talk) 06:25, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters. These TIE Fighters, however, were not of Imperial ownership, but were painted red, leading the crew to believing they were not dealing with the Empire." These two sentences are too choppy. Also, "dealing with the Empire" can be worded to be less colloquial, because it sounds as if they're actually arranging a deal with the Empire.
 * 41) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ***They're still rather choppy; please try to merge them.
 * 43) ****It's still two sentences, but I evened them out more.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *****Is it for certain that the TIE Fighters were not of Imperial ownership simply because they were red? If it's not, perhaps reword to "Before they could find the ship, the Millennium Falcon was attacked by TIE Fighters that were painted red; their color scheme led the crew to believe that they were not of Imperial ownership."
 * 45) ******I used your text because I couldn't think of anything better.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:04, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "that Rokk liked to give his victims slow deaths": please change "like" to something less colloquial and more specific.
 * 47) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "The red TIE Fighters, however, hit the Millennium Falcon exactly where the weak point was." What weak point?
 * 49) **It doesn't say in the book, so I won't mention it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ***Even if it hasn't been specified, the sentence itself needs rewording; it's unclear what the weak point belonged to.  CC7567  (talk) 23:34, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ****I left the whole weak point thing out.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "and the Falcon was forced to dock to Rokk's ship. After docking aboard the Hungry Ghost": bit redundant here.
 * 53) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "Rokk revealed that he would take the Millennium Falcon ' s cargo, bombs." Rather choppy, and the "would" needs to be changed into a more appropriate verb tense. He "planned to take" the cargo, perhaps?
 * 55) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *** This sentence now makes the following content of the article unclear, as there's now no mention of the bombs being the Falcon ' s cargo in the body.  CC7567  (talk) 01:18, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Changed.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 03:09, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "almost hitting crucial parts of the ship in the process": which ship?
 * 59) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * "After arguing about escaping" needs rewording.
 * 61) **Done - changed to "arguing about escape plans".&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *There's a lot of overlinking I'm noticing throughout the article; only link the first time something appears and the first time it appears in the body, and no more. Also, there's a lot of full names being used when a last name would suffice, and there are also first names being used when last names should be used; unless there are two people with the same last name, last names should always be used after the first mention. I've corrected these, but please keep this in mind in the future.
 * 63) **Thanks! This is actually one of my first times writing a long article by myself, there is a lot I need to learn.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "Lunged himself," where it is used both times, needs rewording. It's either he "lunged at Skywalker" or something different; the word isn't meant to be used this way.
 * 65) **Done, I need to start looking up words I'm unsure of before I use them...&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * "Luke escaped through the hatch that lead to the Millennium Falcon, along with R2-D2, and his protocol droid, C-3PO." It sounds as though Threepio is R2's protocol droid. Please reword.
 * 67) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Can it be mentioned earlier that Skywalker was a Jedi?
 * 69) **Done - "Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and member of the Alliance" in the first paragraph.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * "Rokk turned all of the laser cannons on the fleeing freighter": needs rewording; this part is slightly colloquial.
 * 71) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "got out of range": "got" is rather colloquial.
 * 73) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * When you say that Solo activated the detonator, it's unclear that the bombs were on the Ghost. You mentioned before that they were being loaded from the Falcon, but it was never specified.
 * 75) **Done - added a small bit where I talk about the spider droids.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * CC7567  (talk) 17:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Fett's 2 cents
 * 78) * "'Millennium Falcon, prepare to be boarded!". Millennium Falcon doesn't have to be in bold.
 * 79) **It's that way because of a coding error. I've fixed it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ***Understood CC :)  JangFett  Talk 23:05, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ****Thanks for fixing that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "They broke free of the cables that held them to the ship and evaded laserfire from the Hungry Ghost." Who broke free?
 * 83) **Context from the sentence helps this out a bit but I changed it anyways.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * "Before Skywalker could attack, a laser turret aboard the ship fired and wounded him." Make sure you identify who this ship is. Which ship?
 * 85) **I specified it as being behind Rokk, who is aboard the Hungry Ghost.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 00:55, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * JangFett  Talk 20:15, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) Soresu
 * 88) * The quote captions should be more descriptive. Just the name of the speaker isn't enough. You need to give some context.
 * 89) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * Context on the Death Star in the intro.
 * 91) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * However, another Rebel, Luke Skywalker, arrived in his starfighter and confronted the pirates. Skywalker's fighter, however, was damaged in the ensuing battle, However is repetitive.
 * 93) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * Leia Organa, a founding member of the Alliance to Restore the Republic, was rescued from the Death Star, the Galactic Empire's planet-destroying superweapon, by Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and member of the Alliance, Han Solo, another member of the Alliance, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Jedi Master aligned with the Alliance. Alliance is too repetitive, making the sentence confusing. See if you can contextualize Obi, Han, and Wormie all in one go. For example, you could just say that they were all members of the Alliance, since Luke and Obi-Wan being Jedi doesn't affect the battle in any way.
 * 95) ** Actually, I do need the Jedi bit but I'll change it up to make it shorter.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *After notifying Rokk of Skywalker's survival, Rokk ordered the pirates to destroy Skywalker before he caused trouble. Rokk notified Rokk of Skywalker's survival? Don't you mean After being notified of Skywalker's survival, Rokk...?
 * 97) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * a laser turret behind Rokk fired and wounded him. It's unclear whether "him" refers to Rokk of Skywalker. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:37, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) The comic this battle is in was also published in Star Wars Tales Volume 2. Consequently, you need to reword the Bts which says it was only in SW Kids. --Eyrezer 09:40, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) *Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 13:50, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) Attack of the Clone II
 * 103) * The objection about the obstruction of Solo's view in relation to his investigation of the ship is still remaining above; please check it.
 * 104) **I removed the obstruction thing because now I re-looked at the comic and it says nothing about that. It just says they scan it and investigate.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * "He managed to make it into the Hungry Ghost ' s hangar bay, and then on foot through the ship, continually being chased by the pirates." Lack of a verb in the second part of the sentence is making this confusing. Also, if you change it to say that Skywalker was "running" through the ship, please make sure to remove "on foot", as it would be redundant.
 * 106) **Done.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please try not to excessively use the word "then"; it makes articles excessively chronological and play-by-play. I've corrected one or two, but please go through the article again and omit the unnecessary uses.
 * 108) **There were no other uses of the word "then," you can check yourself.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 15:45, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ***Really? I'm noticing at least five.  CC7567  (talk) 18:53, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) ****I just copied the whole thing to Notepad and looked for the word "then". Even after rereading it, I can't find it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:11, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) *****Perhaps use the "find" function. To name a few: "The pirates then docked to the Millennium Falcon, intending to take the bombs the Falcon was carrying." "Solo then triggered the detonator, destroying the Hungry Ghost." "The Rebels then evacuated their base before more Imperial troops arrived." Those are just a few, and there are two others in the article. Not all of them are necessary, and I suggest removing those that aren't.  CC7567  (talk) 21:34, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ******I'll keep that in mind. I deleted all of the "then's".&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:58, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) *******I did a bit of rewording and restored one, as the sentences were left a bit choppy. (That's what I meant by removing the ones that were unnecessary.)  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) Toprawa:
 * 116) *You have some serious sourcing issues throughout. There are a number of independent sources that I'm not sure have any way of verifying the information in this article. Let me provide you an example of what I mean: The infobox's battle succession fields claim that the Evacuation of Yavin immediately preceded this battle, and you source this information to the original Classic Star Wars comic. That CSW comic in no way verifies that this specific battle in this article followed the Evacuation of Yavin. You need to use a source that makes that connection directly. If there is no connection, those fields should be left blank. Please check all of the information in this article relating to these instances of independent sourcing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:00, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) **Actually, it does. Death Star Pirates begins with Rebel ships jumping to hyperspace, and Luke says, "See you at Hoth," or something like that.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 21:08, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ***You completely misunderstood everything I've just explained. You use Race for Survival, the original CSW comic from 1983, as a source for the Evacuation of Yavin preceding this battle. In no way, shape, or form does Race for Survival back up this information. You need a source that literally says "the evacuation of Yavin preceded the Battle of the Hungry Ghost." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:12, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) ****Ah. Okay.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) *****Same thing now with reference notes 3 (A New Hope) and 4 (Empire Strikes Back). The films don't exactly work as sources for that information. This really shouldn't be a tough change, but try to find more relevant sources. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:34, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) * Additionally, this article would really benefit from "Prelude" and "Aftermath" sections to complement "The battle." Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:16, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) **I actually already had a prelude and aftermath, but it didn't say "prelude" and "aftermath." I've changed it.&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 23:31, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Malevolence

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 01:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it is done :)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
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Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Battle of Sullust (Galactic Civil War)

 * Nominated by: DjMack 03:45, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) "The Expanded Universe never elaborated on the said event until Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron was released in 2007, giving the details of the battle." - Not true, Star Wars: X-wing Alliance featured the massing of the fleet at Sullust. Thefourdotelipsis 06:02, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've never played that game, would you be able to add any info that comes from that game into the article? DjMack 06:51, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **It's actually quite a large level, and will require a fair bit of work. I suggest asking around on IRC - I personally won't be able to get that info in the forseeable future. Thefourdotelipsis 23:03, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Clone prelims
 * 5) *Sourcing in the intro is a big no-no.
 * 6) *The intro overall needs to be expanded. What happened during the battle? Not to the point where it's disproportionate to the length of the article itself, but only stating the battle's purpose is not sufficient.
 * 7) *I don't know why, but there are unnecessary spaces between each ref. Please go through the article and fix.
 * 8) *Date needs to be mentioned in the intro.
 * 9) *No links in quotes.
 * 10) *Is there a specific reason that the article's name has the date? If not, it needs to be Battle of Sullust (Galactic Civil War).
 * 11) *Please link to the actual articles instead of redirects, as you did for Darth Vader.
 * 12) *Please refer to the Manual of Style and Layout Guide and make sure that the article adheres to both.
 * 13) * CC7567  (talk) 07:40, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Mauser
 * 15) *Crop the IGN logo out of the onfobox image.
 * 16) *"humiliating Darth Vader during the Battle of Hoth" - needs context.
 * 17) *In casualties section: Possibly entire garrison - an Assumption.
 * 18) * Mauser  Comlink 20:04, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Duel on Mustafar

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 15:43, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sources added and fixed up few spelling errors.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) All sources are added, great job cleaning up. — Excelsior,   The Flash  - ( Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay! ) 15:48, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Mag

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 22:57, 25 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I didn't put a P&T in because there really isn't that much information, and CC agrees.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink  22:36, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Per IRC review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:01, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 00:14, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "Assigned to field-test an assortment of subzero gear, the squad was met with many problems. One of which was an elusive and deadly species that Mag's squad encountered, which they nicknamed the "ice men"." Choppy, and it makes it sound as though testing the gear and the Talz were connected; I don't believe they were.
 * 3) **How about now?
 * 4) * There's a bit too much flurry between the fall of Glid Station and what Skywalker and Kenobi's mission found. It needs to be stated (when it happened) that Glid Station was caught in the middle of the conflict. I would suggest trying to deduce how.
 * 5) **Added a little to the end, but honestly, there really isn't that much context on what /exactly/ happened.
 * 6) ***It appears that after Shiv and Mag were killed, the base was caught between the droid-Talz conflict, because the base was still apparently intact when Shiv and Mag were killed. The article is focusing more on the Jedi's mission and the analysis of the events than what actually happened, and it makes it sound as if all of it is speculation. Even if the exact situation isn't known, it's best to get it as close to it as possible. I would try to state what happened and then say that the Jedi discovered it, if need be.  CC7567  (talk) 23:30, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Not really sure what you want me to say exactly. That was pretty much what I was saying before. I put some more stuff in there, how about now? Kilson Likes PIE 1:32, 28 May 09 (UTC)
 * 8) *****It needs to be stated from a more neutral perspective rather than that it was discovered by the Jedi, i.e. "The base had been caught in the Talz-droid conflict, and the Jedi later discovered this on their mission". (That's not the wording that should be used; I'm only using it to give you the idea.)  CC7567  (talk) 05:03, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *I'll scrutinize the article a bit more later, but I'll leave you with these for now.  CC7567  (talk) 03:35, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Tried addressing your objections, thanks for the review CC. :) Kilson Likes PIE 19:27, 27 May 09 (UTC)
 * 11) Mauser:
 * 12) * If the infobox says he was born on Kamino, it should be mentioned in the bio as well.
 * 13) * Context on Glid Station is in the intro, but not in the body.
 * 14) **There already is context in the first paragraph of the body.
 * 15) * Optional: maybe you could start the bio with one sentence covering the fact that he was a clone of Jango Fett, born and trained to be a part of GAR and eventually earned the nickname Mag before jumping to events in 22 BBY?
 * 16) *Looks fine otherwise.  Mauser  Comlink 07:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **I addressed the other objections, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)
 * 18) Attack of the Clone II
 * 19) * I created a redlink for the Orto Plutonia CIS base; might want to create a stub for it.
 * 20) * The intro says that Kenobi and Skywalker were Jedi Master and Knight, respectively, while the body states they were Jedi Generals. Please pick one and stick to it.
 * 21) **I meant for you to choose either Master and Knight or Jedi Generals for both mentions and be consistent; please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 23:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***OK, added.
 * 23) *That's pretty much it; good work.  CC7567  (talk) 22:23, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Addressed all. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 02 June 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll get to looking it over once more soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Kilson, I need to discuss possibly adding a P&T for the article over IRC; I'll catch you when you're next on.  CC7567  (talk) 22:25, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Corona-class frigate

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 18:58, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As far away from Gastrulans as possible.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:57, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:05, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:04, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) (Somewhat) returning to the GAN page
 * 2) * I know that the article currently isn't against the MOS (with the lack of italics for "Corona"), but is there a chance you can reword some of the "Coronas"? It's sometimes a bit tricky to establish the difference between fanon in this case, because the ship classes aren't always addressed. It's also a bit confusing, because it appears the Corona is an individual ship itself.B If you disagree, that's fine, but it's just something to consider.
 * 3) **I understand what you're saying, but the alternative is to use a lot of "vessel", "ship", and "frigate" to replace it, which I don't think works when we know the actual class name. I've changed a few to remove overuse of the word, however.
 * 4) ***FWIW, I've made edits to try and resolve this (without reading this objection beforehand). Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:24, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "Coronas required a crew of seven hundred and eighty-two to operate, with fifty-six gunners, but could be manned by a skeleton crew of two hundred and eighty-one." Just slightly on the choppy side; could use a little rewording.
 * 6) **Tweaked it a little.
 * 7) * Was the Boldheart a Corona or not? Bit unclear.
 * 8) **I thought the fact that it was in the notable ships section was a clue, no? :P Clarified the situation. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:11, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Good work otherwise, Cav. :)  CC7567  (talk) 18:36, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Throughout the article, you switch between numbering things using words (such as "twenty-five"), and numerals (such as "2"). For consistency, pick one and stick to it.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:40, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *Fixed. All numerical values in the article body have been changed, apart from those designating years. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 07:38, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Toprawa:
 * 13) * My only real objection concerns the Appearances list. You only include the one novel, but as I understand it, the ships that were retconned to be Coronas appear in Shield of Lies as well. Should this novel (and the third, if appropriate) then not be included in the Apps list too? Also to note, I've made the "Notable ships" section a subsection of "History," to best conform to the LG. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:24, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **That was my error; I must have accidentally left that out. Shield of Lies added. I'll recheck the third and see if it needs to be included. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 07:55, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *I understand that you spelled out the references of "782" and "281" per a previous objection on the grounds of consistency, but I think it would be best if you used numerals for numbers 100+. This isn't a matter of consistency so much as it's about readability, and it becomes a bit awkward to read "seven hundred eighty two" compared to just "782." If I may draw a comparison to professional media style practices, they often spell out numbers 10+ or 100+ for this very reason, and we typically do use numerals across the site in instances of starship statistics. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:24, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Changed. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:17, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Did any Coronas participate in the Black Fleet Crisis? I can't recall whether or not they were mentioned as participating in any battles of the conflict. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:50, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Not to my knowledge. The Fifth was entirely New Class vessels which the Corona was not part of. The three named vessels revealed to have been Coronas were not refered to have been part of any conflict shown in the series. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:17, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Mission to the Vulture's Claw

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:42, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yet another unexpected, minor TCW event that I didn't foresee.

(0 ACs/5 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice work CC :)  JangFett  Talk 11:02, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks great!&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 20:40, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:51, 01 June 09 (UTC)
 * 5) I do believe you are very good at writing. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:29, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Prelude: "as the information stored inside the droid would prove fatal in Confederate hands." Fatal to what?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Why did Nachkt promise R2 to Grievous? Could a reason be specified somewhere in the article?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:38, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For general info/interest, the article is about 989 words according to Microsoft Word, so just below the FA requirement.  CC7567  (talk) 04:21, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Having finally read Wild Space, I've realized that some continuity troubles have been introduced. I've done the best I could, but the novel has really disrupted the events between itself and the episode. Or the changes could be minor, but are just giving me a bad headache. In any case, the Twoconflicting tag is now up there, as well as for the Mission to suspected Confederate space and the Mission to Skytop Station&mdash;although it's really this event that was affected the most, as you can now see from the painstakingly long Bts.  CC7567  (talk) 06:22, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Duel on Rhen Var

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 00:13, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Let's see just how good it is.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:17, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 05:36, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Very nice. -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:26, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Cloned
 * 2) * "However, he quickly realized that she, like he had once done, was allowing her anger to drive her dangerously close acceptance of the dark side of the Force." Please check this sentence; it's unclear whether the "acceptance of" is the direct object of the verb "to drive"; it's not making much sense.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "the galaxy remained in prolonged a state of recovery": please check; "in prolonged" doesn't seem to be a proper prepositional phrase.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Looking good otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 05:56, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thank you sir. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 20:07, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) From the Council Chambers:
 * 9) * "he hired a fervent Jedi-phile spacer": Can we get something other than "Jedi-phile"? It's unclear.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * "Sylvar accepted his offer and made haste for Rhen Var.": "Made haste" is an idiom and therefore colloquial; please replace.
 * 12) **I so love that phrase;) Addressed.
 * 13) * "Hoggon, who had been secretly watching the contest [&hellip;] Before he could be stopped, the spacer shot Ulic at point-blank range": It would be extremely difficult&mdash;if not impossible&mdash;to "secretly watch" something from close enough that you could quickly shoot at "point-blank" range, so please clarify how this is possible.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) * "In an interview conducted by Wookieepedia administration,": You may want to reword this per our Avoid self-references guideline&mdash;either remove the self-reference altogether or simply provide context on the Wook.
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) *Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 05:04, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks, MJ. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 05:28, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Might be missing a few sources, I'll add them tonight if so. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 00:13, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Found them all, so far as I know. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 22:47, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Zak

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 07:21, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No work to do, and a quiet good article. My first nom.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First off, the intro should not be sourced, while the rest of the body should.
 * 3) **I believe that this one still remains. Please read this page for more information on how and what to source. Let me know if you want help with this one :).
 * 4) *** Yes i need some help with this. --Clone Commander Lee 17:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * Intro: You have no context for Rugosa, or why Yoda had to be transported there.
 * 6) ** Now the Toydarians have no context, and it is unclear why Zak would take Yoda to Rugosa, a neutral moon, to meet with the Toydarians.
 * 7) ***"During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 8) * Biography: It's unclear in the bio why Katuunko wanted a Jedi to be sent.
 * 9) * Biography: context is missing for Asajj Ventress.
 * 10) ** This one still remains. For context, simply add what the subject is. For example: "Supreme Chancellor" is context for "Palpatine". In this case, Asajj Ventress was a Dark Acolyte, so when introducing her into the intro and bio for the first time, you could put (in the case of the intro) "...ordered there by Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress..."
 * 11) * Biography: "in order to save General Yoda from the superior frigates". What about the frigates was so superior? It is unclear here why the frigates are so dangerous to Yoda, and what made them superior (i.e., their firepower? size? etc.)
 * 12) * Biography: Why did Yoda order him to launch all the pods? How would that fix the problem?
 * 13) * The Personality and traits section could be beefed up a bit. I'd suggest adding why Zak was afraid of getting Yoda killed, or being more specific on why he cared so much. Right now it's a little flat.
 * 14) ** In trying to add why, you have merely made speculations. Make sure you can back everything up with facts. He was most likely not just loyal to the Republic, but also his Jedi commanders, and was concerned for Yoda's life. The last sentence of the P&t is now grammatically incorrect as well, leaving the meaning rather unclear. I'll take another look once you fix these :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 14:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***I've gone ahead and cleaned this up a bit myself. In the future, make sure that you don't have any speculative information; also remember to check your grammar for errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 12:11, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ** I#ve finished with these edits. --Clone Commander Lee 18:36, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Mauser:
 * 19) * Republic frigate: first, you link to it twice in the intro; second, one of the links leads to redirect instead of the actual Consular-class cruiser (Charger c70 retrofit). Remove one of them.
 * 20) * P&T requires expansion.
 * 21) **No more datas given. --Clone Commander Lee 07:55, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You can said about how he operated under attack, about how he have reports to his Jedi General - lots of things to talk about.
 * 23) ****Better now, try to expand it a little more to make it interesting to read.
 * 24) * When you talk about Katuunko talking to Palpatine etc., you should add a reference to The Clone Wars: Prelude, as it isn't shown in the Ambush itself.
 * 25) * Source for the "First year of the war"?
 * 26) * Isn't Zak a Clone naval officer according to The Clone Wars Campaign Guide?
 * 27) * "Jedi Grand Master Yoda, Zak and two Coruscant Guard troopers were sent to the planet on a Republic frigate along with clone trooper pilots and commander CC-4477, with Zak in command of the ship." - a bulky sentence, needs to be rewritten.
 * 28) * Asajj Ventress, who asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves. - it was said by Dooku, not Ventress.
 * 29) *Also made small fixes along the way.  Mauser  Comlink 07:29, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ** Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 08:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 08:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Also, since Zak is a redirect page, I suggest you move your page to that name and then add Template:youmay to both your page and Zak Arranda.  Mauser  Comlink 08:47, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) The Grand Master, part two
 * 35) * First, please see my standing objection above: "During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 36) * Intro: "during the Clone Wars. During the war&hellip;" This is slightly redundant when read as such. Could it be reworded, so that you don't say "during the" quite so close together?
 * 37) ** Done.
 * 38) * Intro: it is unclear why Ventress ordered the frigates to intercept Yoda.
 * 39) ** Done.
 * 40) ***I believe this one still remains.
 * 41) * Intro: If Zak is a captain, (as you imply at the end of the intro) then his rank should be mentioned and linked earlier in the intro.
 * 42) ** Zak is according to the visual guide a naval officer. --Clone Commander Lee 18:27, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *** Which is all fine and good, but you call him "Captain Zak" at the end of the intro, implying that he was also a captain. If this is incorrect, then please remove the "captain". If he was also a captain, then that needs to be stated earlier in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:35, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **** Done.
 * 45) *****This one still remains, please check again.
 * 46) ******Finally fixed.
 * 47) * Biography: You say that Katuunko ruled the Toydaria system, but I'm pretty sure he ruled the planet of Toydaria. Please check this.
 * 48) * Biography: "was sent with Zak in command of the ship." What ship? You haven't mentioned any ship thus far.
 * 49) * Biography: "Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." This is grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 50) * Biography: The above sentence doesn't seem to make sense with the rest of the article. I've seen the episode, so I understand what you're trying to say, but you need to work it into the article better in order to show its significance.
 * 51) **The new wording fixes that problem for the most part, but there are still grammar/spelling issues.
 * 52) *** Done.
 * 53) ****This one also still remains. Watch out for tense, especially.
 * 54) ***** Finally fixed.
 * 55) * Biography: "Zak wanted to retreat immediately in order to save General Yoda from the larger and more heavily-armed frigates." You should probably mention first that the frigates were better, and then say that Zak wished to retreat in order to protect Yoda's life.
 * 56) **There are some BIG grammar issues here, now. Please re-check, and, if needed, use microsoft word.
 * 57) *** Done.
 * 58) ****This also remains. I'd suggest using Microsoft Word to help wih grammar issues.
 * 59) ***** Cause i'm not a native english speaker i don't have such a word programm. --Clone Commander Lee 16:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ****** Finnaly fixed.
 * 61) * Personality and traits: "He also was calm during the attack and managed to bring the ship to safety and spoke very respectful with Yoda." This is a run-on, and is also grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 62) * Personality and traits: "He also personnally overtook the communication with the Toydarian Royal Delegation and was worried when he received no answer." This sentence doewsn't really make sense. First off, it could be worded more clearly, and second off, I don't see what this has to do with Zak's personality. It sounds more like something that he did during his life, in which case it should be placed in the Biography.
 * 63) **You moved this up to the bio, which is good, but now there are some huge grammar problems with this, too. Please re-check.
 * 64) *** Adressed.
 * 65) * Personality and traits: You use "He also" two sentences in a row. I would change at least one of them, so as to avoid repetition.
 * 66) * Behind the scenes: You need to ref the fact that he was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker.
 * 67) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:01, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) ** Adressed. --Clone Commander Lee 17:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Several of my objections still remain. Please see those which I have not yet stricken. Also, your The Clone Wars: Visual Guide reference was done incorrectly. As I have already stated, you are not supposed to ref the intro. I fixed this for you, but I think it would be beneficial for you to visit this page so you can learn how to correctly source articles. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Some still remain. I'd suggest going through the article and carefully checking for grammar-related issues. Once those are removed, it'll be easier for me to more effectively review the article. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:58, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ***** Should now be fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 19:20, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ******I'm still seeing unfixed objections; please fix those which I have not stricken. Also, please look over the whole article for grammar issues; I suggest using Microsoft Word if you need help with this. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) A few more from Mauser:
 * 74) *"Upon arriving on Rugosa, Katuunko was approched by the Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress and a hologram of Count Dooku. Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." - I fail to see how exactly is that relevant to Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 03:12, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * You must also add the episode guide and Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Visual Guide as a sources and check them for any missing info.  Mauser  Comlink 10:02, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 10:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ***Not yet. I am unsure about the Visual Guide, but the episode guide definitely mentions Zak in some way and should be used as a source.  Mauser  Comlink 15:20, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) **** Should now be fixed.

Comments

Battle of Falleen (Clone Wars)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:19, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Prelude to and second-to-last of CloneProject Droid Retrieval. Somewhere around 750 words.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) One more for WookieeProject TCW. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:50, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job yet again. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice! --Eyrezer 07:20, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * "But" is repetitive in the intro.
 * 3) * Nitpicking here. Taking a detour from his course to Bothawui, and set his sights on capturing the planet of Falleen, seem a little contradictory. The first seems to imply that he was forced into attacking Falleen, bt the second seems like a solid decision on Grievous' part.
 * 4) * This one's also rather nitpicky. but as they engaged the lightsaber-wielding Dark Acolyte in combat, Ventress soon gained the upper hand. "As they" refers to the present while "soon" implies at least some events in the future. Please reword.
 * 5) **Addressed, thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 20:20, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The Grand Master
 * 7) * "The King" becomes repetitive in the intro. Could you put a synonym in for one of them? Maybe even just call him by his species as "the Falleen", or something similar.
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * "...to coordinate several attacks on Republic forces on three separate fronts." Does "several" in this case refer to the "three"? If so, then this is redundant.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * "...the King arrived and prepared to kill Ventress." It sounds to me like he was already "prepared" to kill her. Could this be reworded?
 * 12) **It's simply a less colloquial form of the fact that he "got ready" or was "about" to kill her. Whether or not he "was prepared" to kill her is irrelevant. If I change it to that he "targeted" Ventress, it's not going to be clear that the King had the intent of killing her.
 * 13) * I was going to change the quote in the Aftermath section to the Dialogue template, but I figured I should check here first to make sure there's not a reason for it to be a quote template instead. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 13:51, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **I personally don't like using quotes with the Dialogue template so that they turn out like a script. I do it when it's necessary to distinguish between speakers, like when there's more than two, but I don't see why it needs to be used here.  CC7567  (talk) 21:06, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Ok, no problem. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kathol Protector

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 21:33, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Project DarkStryder continues unabated.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:43, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good after a copyedit. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 00:34, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:39, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) I'm assuming it's here just because it's currently only a couple (literally, just two) words under 1,000.  CC7567  (talk) 21:55, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * In 8 ABY, shortly after the liberation of the sector capital of Kal'Shebbol, the Kathol Protector assaulted the planet Kolatill after the population overthrew their Imperial governor and declared their allegiance to the New Republic. After is repetitive.
 * 3) **Changed one.
 * 4) * The ship required a crew of three thousand, five hundred and five—which included twenty gunners—but could be crewed by one thousand five hundred beings if the need arose. Required would imply a mininum crew number.
 * 5) **Amended.
 * 6) *And that's it. Good job. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:16, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Many thanks for the review. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:06, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) In the intro: "In 8 ABY, following the liberation of the sector capital of Kal'Shebbol, the Kathol Protector assaulted the planet Kolatill after the population overthrew their Imperial governor and declared their allegiance to the New Republic." I don't think that both the "following the" and "after the" are needed. This compares the event chronologically to two different things. I belive that the later one is used as context for the liberation: could these be combined, either before or after the other information in the sentence?  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:28, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *I reworked the intro a little. See what you think. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:07, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Jedi (Sacking of Coruscant)

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:11, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Read one...

(1 ACs/6 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Addressed via IRC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:30, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Cool trailer. This article will probably require some updating over the next few months. We might even discover his name. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:53, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:02, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Awesome job fleshing out a great article with a very limited amount of information. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:21, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job. Yes, hopefully, we'll find out his name.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:47, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Everything stated above.  The Flash  {talk} 17:21, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) He looks a bit like Arnold Shwarzenegger...&mdash;Darthtyler (Talk) 19:19, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master reads one...
 * 2) * Intro and Bio: Multiple times you refer to this Jedi's "colleagues" or "allies". I think you need to specify that these companions were Jedi, too, or else it could be mistaken that the Sith were attacking just this one Jedi. (It gets confusing since "Jedi" can be plural or singular)
 * 3) * The last sentence of the P&a seems to be a little redundant/out of place. I'd remove it, or reword it to be less specific: maybe just say that the Sith managed to get past his defences.
 * 4) * In the P&t you use "even as" twice in the same sentence. Please change one of them.
 * 5) *Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:12, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Do we know that the Jedi was aware that the intruder was a Sith? The article would seem to imply it.
 * 8) **It would appear so, given that this Jedi gathered a group of other Jedi to confront him. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Blade gets repetitive in the section describing the duel.
 * 10) **Should be better now. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * drove it into the floor where the Jedi had been only a moment earlier. The Jedi evaded the strike Only a moment earlier would mean that the event had already occurred. Evaded the strike describes an event in motion, so this is out of chronology. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:12, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Reworded slightly. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) JMAS
 * 14) * Image-wise, the article is very boring. The two images look virtually identical - the Sith and the Jedi facing each other. You would have no idea he is being stabbed in the second image if you hadn't seen the trailer, or been told so by the caption. Since the image is in the P&T/P&A sections, it seems to me that having an image demonstrating one of his powers and abilities would be better and add more diversity, image-wise, to the article. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:56, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Frankly, that image wouldn't add to the article, because the quality of that image isn't that good - unless it's just me, but the Jedi's face looks blurry. If you could upload a better version, I'll consider it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***I disagree about the quality of the alternately proposed image. I still think the virtually duplicate is rather visually boring, even having the picture of his fallen lightsaber would be better, but I won't let that hold back the nom. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:39, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ****I've changed it to the image you suggested. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:51, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Sorry to take back my vote, but I'm certain it will be very temporary. "As he lay dying, the Sith told him how the Jedi Order had been deceived, and that the Republic would fall as a result." Do we have some official confirmation whose voice is providing the narration? It could be the Sith Emperor for we know, but there really is no evidence that the Sith told him that. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:12, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Based on this Sith's expression during the time the line is said, it appears that this Sith is speaking the line - although his mouth is obscured, his cheeks do move in accordance with the line. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:01, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *** *chuckle* OK, I still that might be straining conjectural boundaries. But watching it, I guess I can see how you'd come to that conclusion. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:21, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) Jinzler
 * 22) * The trailer appears to be quite significant, so could you create an article for it and then link to that, rather than its url. This objection applies to the unidentified sith as well --Jinzler
 * 23) **Seeing as articles for trailers have never been created (to my knowledge, at least), I'm inclined to disagree. As far as I can tell, there's nothing wrong with using the url. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:25, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***I was just thinking that it would be slightly different in this case. With a trailer for a film, the trailer shows content from the film. However, this trailer seems more of a prequel to The Old Republic, so shows content that doesn't appear in the game and possibly won't do anywhere else. We create articles for Wizards.com articles, rather than just linking to the url and we have articles for two other SWTOR.com videos, so why should we not have one for this one? --Jinzler 13:36, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****On the advice of Darth Culator, I created a subsection in the BTS of the TOR article because, even as he said, an article isn't necessarily justified in this case. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:55, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Just one: can "make a move" be reworded to something clearer?  CC7567  (talk) 22:03, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:01, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Sith (Sacking of Coruscant)

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:11, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: ...and then read the other!

(2 ACs/5 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) ...and then the other! Objections dealt with in IRC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:48, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:31, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:11, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Awesome job fleshing out a great article with a very limited amount of information. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Again, good job. Not so sure if this dude's gonna be ID'd.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:39, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Sources good - no runoffs seen.  The Flash  {talk} 05:32, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Does the trailer specifically identify there as being 25 Sith? I've watched it and don't recall specifics for the number involved.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:09, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Count the red lightsabers. There are 27, so I changed the wording to say "...at least twenty-five..." -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:57, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) **With all due respect, this is my nomination, and I'm capable of handling any objections. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:11, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ***With all due respect, you expanded the article and put it up for GAN, yes. But I created the article, and it was me who put the number "twenty-five" in the article before you started working on it. I thought it was encouraged for others to help with minor things like this, and as I saw no tag at the top of the article, I thought helping overcome an objection would be welcomed. That clearly isn't the case on your noms, so feel free to revert the edit. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:29, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ****All right, let's let this end right here. The article currently reads "at least twenty-five Sith" and I think it's best that way. Tranner, if you want to change it, I'd appreciate it if you could please discuss it with me in IRC first.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:31, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *****We've both apologized and settled this privately, but I'm sorry for my reactionary and harsh statement. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:40, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ******Wait... wait. "There are 27, so I changed the wording to say "...at least twenty-five...""? O_o! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:58, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *******It seems that every time someone watches the trailer, they come away with a different number. :p So to avoid any potential future edit wars over this, I think JMAS's solution is best. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Soresu
 * 8) * Apparently, Cylka once found "an obscure CT that states that we shouldn't have links in the bolded titles in in-article titles". This goes for your other nom too.
 * 9) **Done for both. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * long believed to have been destroyed over a thousand years earlier. Either long or a thousand years earlier is redundant.
 * 11) **Fixed. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Soon he engaged the Jedi who had originally stood in his way. You haven't established that any singular Jedi had originally stood in his way, so it seems as if Jedi is being used as a plural.
 * 13) **Fixed. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * and disgracing their Order in the eyes of the Republic. What source di that come from?
 * 15) **It's from the Timeline 1 trailer, and it's the reason why the Order moved to Tython then. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * A number of things in the trailer description can be added to the article, such as: he is one of the "strongest Sith Warriors", and his mission was to "to destroy the planet’s defense grid mainframe hidden in the heart of the Jedi Temple." SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:25, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Good catch. I suppose I was so focused on the events themselves that I forgot to read the description. :p Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:33, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Can slightly better wording be applied to the last sentence of the intro? I know that it's grammatically fine, but I think it could be made clearer of the Sith's success during the Sacking of Coruscant vs. the actions that they accomplished (destroying the Temple, killing half the Council, etc.). Also, for "their Order", I realize that you mean the Jedi, but the subject of the sentence itself is the Sith, so it's a bit unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 22:15, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:06, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) JMAS
 * 21) * Same as the Jedi objection. "As the Jedi died, the Sith told him how the Jedi had been deceived—and now that the Sith had returned, the Republic would fall." Do we have some official confirmation whose voice is providing the narration? It could be the Sith Emperor for we know, but there really is no evidence that the Sith told him that. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 22:18, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **(See above.) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:06, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***(See above) -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to Tatooine (Separatist Crisis)
> JangFett  Talk 01:04, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: A off TCW project, though related to the Clone Wars :)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) As problems were addressed - very good job expanding since I last saw it.  The Flash  {talk} 00:47, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) As for the Duel on Mustafar, please make sure you have every appearance and source covered. Any mention of the death of Shmi qualifies as at least an indirect mention, and as this had an extremely lasting impression of Skywalker, I'm quite sure there's more.  CC7567  (talk) 01:41, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed and added few more appearences/sources. However, Anakin/Vader's attachment problem can get squeezed out of most of the EU sources. Massacre on Tatooine mentioned few times during the Clone Wars. I'll try to find more appearances.
 * 3) **I would advise you to check every single source and appearance with Skywalker that has even the slightest mention. If some are not available to you, I would suggest trying to find people who do have access to them.  CC7567  (talk) 05:21, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) A little more for now:
 * 5) * Is this a mission, a "massacre" or something else? The layout of events isn't clear. It needs to be clarified what happened during the event and what happened in the prelude.
 * 6) **Addressed and fixed the intro.
 * 7) ***I just want to clarify with you that it's the whole article itself, not just the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 02:29, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ****Addressed and added a ending sentence in the Prelude that states "they went on a mission to Tatooine to find his mother." The "Mission to Tatooine" section was a mission to find Skywalker's mother, but the mission turned into a massacre once his mother died in his arms in the Tusken camp. I addressed that in "Reunited and Massacre".
 * 9) * Please just run another check for spelling and grammar. In particular, I'm still seeing a lot of uses of unnecessary present-tense verbs.  CC7567  (talk) 02:12, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Did another run through and caught few spelling errors as well as present-tense verbs.
 * 11) ***Olioster helped with this objection as well by fixing up spelling, present-tense and grammar issues :)
 * 12) ****I'm striking this for now, but I will continue to go over this with you when I review it in the future.
 * 13) *The article is too subsectioned. Three of the four sections of the Mission header are only one paragraph; please merge them somewhere. Also, please note that if you merge one or more of the sections, image placement will need more work.
 * 14) *Unless it has a new section (which it doesn't and does not require), the quote regarding the "Vengeful Tusken Raider" in the Aftermath should not be there.  CC7567  (talk) 05:21, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) A few notes
 * 16) * In the very beginning of the introduction, I suggest changing it from "The Mission" to "This mission to Tatooine". Also, in the prelude section, it mentions Amidala was receiving death threats. While true, you should also note that these threats also escalated into actual attempts on her life (Obi-Wan and Anakin weren't sent to protect her until after the assassination attempt on the landing platform in the opening of Episode II), so a minor re-arranging of that part might be best. Other than a few other minor grammatical problems, it looks good.  OLIOSTER  (talk) Sith_Emblem.svg 17:54, 9 June 2009 (UTC)</S>
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) ***Looks good.  OLIOSTER  (talk) Imperial Emblem.svg 05:24, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Two problems:
 * 20) * In the infobox, linking to Tusken Raiders twice seems unnecessary.
 * 21) **Addressed
 * 22) * Isn't Star Wars Manga considered ambig. canon? If so, an ambig tag should be placed before and after the reference to Tao and the vengeful Tusken.
 * 23) **Addressed
 * 24) *Other than that, nice job.  The Flash  {talk} 21:49, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks for the review :)

Comments

Shahan Alama

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:59, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first TCW project

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:19, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) You have my support, but I'm expecting CC7567's objections to be fixed.  Mauser  Comlink 07:00, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ShaakTi1138 07:51, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 22:47, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:17, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "The group reached the atrium filled with several Senators,": Why were the senators there?
 * 3) **Thanks for the hint ;). Added
 * 4) * The end of the bio leaves the reader hanging in regards to what happens to the Senators. Yes, it's not directly relevant to Alama, but I feel a sentence or two (no more) regarding how things turned out for the Senators could help avoid an abrupt ending.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) *Otherwise, good job! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review, Jon Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:42, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***No problem, Jon. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:19, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) No leeway from me, Jedi:
 * 10) * I don't believe there was a bounty on Davtook. There was a bounty on Bane, but he was the one and set the trap for Davtook.
 * 11) **Changed.
 * 12) * If Palpatine can be put in somewhere in the intro, it would be preferable, because Bane was really trying to force him to free the Hutt.
 * 13) **Better, or do you want me to go a little more in-depth?
 * 14) ***No, that's enough, but can it be mentioned earlier with the actual plan?  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ****Moved up a little. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Leaving the Senators in an atrium wired with explosives that could be triggered by a remote carried by Bane or by a system of lasers surrounding the Senators." Bit of a run-on; please rephrase.
 * 17) **Tweaked.
 * 18) ***It's a bit choppy still, and it's rather anticlimactic. If you could shorten it up a bit or reword it (i.e. saying "the bounty hunters left while using to keep the Senators as leverage for their escape), I think the flow would be better.  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Reworded. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Can a quote be found for the recruitment section? It can be something Bane says on his "solitary type" comrades. Also, I think the article would benefit from one more image; perhaps this one.
 * 21) **Added image and quote.
 * 22) * A bit more context as to why Bane was trying to free Ziro.
 * 23) **Added Some, will add more and get to the other objections later. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:24, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***That's why Ziro was arrested, yes, but can something be said of Bane's hiring?  CC7567  (talk) 20:33, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Not much is known, but I added a little. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Alama and the droid found Skywalker in a room, speaking with Palpatine via comlink, but the Jedi used a mind trick to get them off his tail." Well, Alama and the droid did indeed find the room, but Skywalker hid ahead of time; it needs to be worded to be clearer.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) ***Please check again; I'm not seeing a change.  CC7567  (talk) 23:09, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ****Oops. How about now? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:18, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Can it be stated earlier that Ziro was in the Detention Center?
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * "where Bane and his team set up a system of lasers around the hostage Senators that would detonate the entire atrium if triggered by the slightest touch." So the lasers were the explosives themselves, or did they simply trigger the explosives? Please clarify.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * "With the Senators at the mercy of the bounty hunters, who held an alternate detonator for the atrium, Bane, Alama, and the rest of the posse successfully escaped with Ziro." Run-on and rather awkward phrasing; please try to ease up the flow.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * Why did Bane decide to activate the explosives? I realize it's not directly related to Alama, but since it's mentioned, it needs to be clarified.
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * The P&T needs to be cleaned up, and if possible, expanded. The fact that Alama was vulnerable to a mind trick could mean a lot of things; it would be better just to state that he was simply vulnerable to one instead of trying to deduce from that. Also, can something be said of his confidence, perhaps?
 * 39) **Better?
 * 40) *I'll run this through more with you, but very good for your first TCW nom. :)  CC7567  (talk) 06:30, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Thanks :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:50, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone II
 * 43) * "he was recruited by Duros bounty hunter Cad Bane to capture the bounty hunter Davtokk on the planet of Keyorin. Also recruited for the mission were the technician Robonino and former Jedi-turned-hunter Aurra Sing; Bane wished to determine how well the three beings would work together, as they usually worked alone." Rather choppy; please try to rephrase.
 * 44) **Addressed. I'll get to the others when ASAP. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:25, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * I think more can be said re: Bane's plan before the raid took place. The use of "rescue attempt" makes it sound like it was a direct raid on the prison, which it wasn't.
 * 46) **Changed to mission.
 * 47) ***I would still try to add a bit about the setup of the mission rather than just stating what happened; it's a bit unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 22:21, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ****Ah, sorry, I misunderstood. Should be better now. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:37, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * It's a bit unclear when Sing and Robonino arrived with the other sentinel droids; please clarify.
 * 50) **Addressed.
 * 51) * I'm not sure if Alama's arrogance can be inferred with the information given; it's a bit POV-oriented.
 * 52) **Removed.
 * 53) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 05:46, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **Thanks CC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:06, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) Soresu
 * 56) * noticed the Senators being held hostage, and spied on the events taking place. Noticing. Noticed is repetitive.
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) * The Jedi hid before they walked in and proceeded to use a mind trick to get them off his tail. A little too colloquial for me. Please change. (Besides, there are a number of species that actually have tails) :).
 * 59) **Addressed.
 * 60) * Isn't there a more correct template than the one? It reads "Parts of this article have been identified as no longer being up to date", which is a big no-no for GAN's.  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:40, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) **That just got put up there (see comments below), due to the release of a new online comic. I will update ASAP. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:51, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ***Sorry for missing that. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:17, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) ****No problem :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:09, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Jon, it looks like the article has to be updated, pending an unexpected TCW web comic issue. I'm leaving it to you to do it, as it's your nom, and I'd prefer that my writing style doesn't interfere with yours. I'm willing to maintain my current vote without objecting and not strike it, but please try to update the article when you can. Also, per the "Part 1", it appears that Alama's going to be appearing in at least one more upcoming issue, so please be careful.  CC7567  (talk) 01:44, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks. Don't have much time now, but as soon as Game 7 ends, I will get to this :). And I will make sure to update the article as more comics etc. are released. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:51, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * PENGUINS WON!!!! Ok, I've added what information is currently available. Feel free to change whatever you like. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:09, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Sorry Jon, I forgot to ask you to update his P&T from the comic. It had stuff of his distrust of Bane, which I think can be mentioned. Also, it needs to be stated that Alama was acquainted with Ohnaka.  CC7567  (talk) 03:59, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * No problem, added. And sorry, I would've stayed in IRC but I was having internet issues. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 04:12, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Sorry to keep on being a pain, but since there's Bts notes on his appearances, can you get the comic in there as well? :P  CC7567  (talk) 04:25, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Added :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 05:08, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Hig

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 11:00, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 360 words. I originally had a separate Biology section, but it was only 12 words so I integrated it with the History section.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) I have no concerns of my own after a copyedit, but I do agree with Farl's objection. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:33, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) The New Rebellion added a lot of minor sentient species --Jinzler 09:43, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) As long as Farl's is addressed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:45, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 20:31, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:52, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farl-objection: I think the paragraph of the Diversity Alliance Hig is ambiguous.The first three sentences suggest that she donates her ship and from that point on, the Alliance made use of it. The fourth sentence suggests that she still piloted the ship at least occassionally after donating it, but it could also be referred to her modus operandi before donating the ship. The last sentence, I understand, happens after the donation, but I cannot reconcile it with the previous information: Did the Jedi people hijack or stole the ship? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:26, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've made some changes that should address your objections. In the book, the trader does still operate the ship after donating it to the DA. I've changed the wording to "donated the use of" which should clear up the confusion. --Eyrezer 00:58, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *I'm satisfied with that; if Master Jonathan and Soresumakashi agree, I'll strike the objection.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:50, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Looks fine to me. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:47, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) "They attached a small craft, the Rock Dragon, to one of its cargo bays as a decoy": bit unclear what "its" refers to. 04:38, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Fix-ed. --Eyrezer 07:01, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Rugor Nass

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee --Clone Commander Lee 11:34, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Quite good

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > JangFett  Talk 12:17, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett's 2 cents
 * 2) *Intro needs expanding. For a character that was seen in two movies, plus EU content.
 * 3) *Remove or move the image in the "Clone Wars" section also move another image near "Imperial occupation". They're too close to each other.
 * 4) *Blue Shadow Virus was part of the Clone Wars, so that should be a subsection within "Clone Wars".
 * 5) *Blue Shadow Virus section needs sourcing
 * 6) *Same goes with "Ohma-D'un". Should be a subsection within "Clone Wars".
 * 7) *"Luckily the virus was destroyed and the confederate scientist Nuvo Vindi were captured by the Jedi Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ahsoka Tano and the senator Padmé Amidala and Naboo was saved." Sentence needs rewording. Nuvo Vindi "was" captured, also the virus wasn't fully destroyed. If you watched "Mystery of a Thousand Moons", the virus leaked. Context needed as well. Also the Jedi need to have their respected titles if you are going to introduce them. (i.e Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and his padawan..), proper linking as well. Skywalker and Kenobi captured Vindi, while Tano, Rex and Amidala cleared the lab from droids but were caught by surprise when a droid released the virus. They were saved after Kenobi and Skywalker found a cure from a root on Iego.
 * 8) *"During the Clone Wars brought a Gungan Shaak herder to the Naboo council. The herder, Peppi Bow, told the Queen that some of her shaak's had died from a mysterious disease. Upon coming of the idea of droids Nass and the council discussed the possiblity of CIS forces on the planet. You call the Blue Shadow Virus a "mysterious disease" in this sentence, then you say "Luckily the virus", in the next. Too choppy, You need more detail and how the Republic forces came about to Naboo and what Nass did.
 * 9) *You need quotes for each section. Does not have to be Nass, it can be related to Nass, Naboo. "Clone Wars" section, especially Blue Virus, should have a quote.
 * 10) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments > JangFett  Talk 13:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *Added tag. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Sea Leviathan

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 12:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: About time I finished this thing, my first-ever species nom.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Mauser  Comlink 18:42, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Great job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:07, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks great after I copyedited a couple of errors that I should have caught the first time. :P Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:38, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 04:08, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  16:32, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:06, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * "Sea Leviathan was only able to draw upon the energies of Mon Calamari species; its blister pods had no effect on any other" - where exactly in the comic is this mentioned? I fail to find it anywhere, even after double-check.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * You often use Mon Cal instead of a full Mon Calamari. Is that use of the nickname really appropriate?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Otherwise looks awesome.  Mauser  Comlink 16:28, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks, Mauser. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 17:25, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) "...scientist of Galactic Emperor and Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Krayt’s One Sith Order." is a little unwieldly: it took me two reads to get the exact meaning. I'd suggest dropping Krayt's titles or making some other change to make the sentence simpler.It might also be prudent to say who created the original, land-based Leviathan in the BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:43, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Addressed the first part. However, I don't think talking about the original Leviathan's creators is necessary, since I already said it twice: once in the intro, and once in the body. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 18:17, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **I mean their OOU creators. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:32, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***How's that? —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 12:06, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Looks good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:27, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) Just one minor thing: At the end of the History section it could be made a little more clear why the Leviathan was unable to attack the Devilsquid. You say that it was programmed to attack the Mon Calamari, but you never really say that it can't attack the Devilsquid. Other than that, great job.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:57, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *Addressed via IRC. Thanks for the read, GM. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 02:05, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 16) * Last two sentences under "Abilities" are unsourced.
 * 17) **Addressed. Thanks for the review, GMT. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 18:33, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *Otherwise, good work, Tommy. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:12, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu
 * 20) * with the expressed purpose of eradicating the native Mon Calamari species in accordance with Emperor Krayt’s ordered extermination of a tenth of their entire race. Define:Eradicate on google. "the complete destruction of every trace of something". The word eradicate is a little misleading.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Darth Krayt's ordered extermination of the Mon Calamari species, Again, it seems like a complete genocide of the race. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:03, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **I did change it, but I have to point out, however, that moments before Krayt killed Gial Gahan, he said, "The Mon Calamari will have time to suffer and reflect on their crimes until all are extinct." Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 20:08, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *I must say, one of the most interesting articles I've read in a good while. You've done a great job with it. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:03, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thank you, ThreeTwo. Please advise if anything further is required. Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 12:18, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Nup, nothing elsethat I can find. Until we meet again, NineTwoEightOne. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:06, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * No sources.
 * Easy pickins.
 * Short and sweet, courtesy of WP:LE. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 12:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Maddie Macatten

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:23, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Oh vanity, thy name is DarkStryder

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 18:15, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:25, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:48, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:09, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 20:17, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Farl's here to… What was it? Babble babble… It has something to do with that thing… The Darksomething thing… Dark Vader?… Ah, no. Maddie Macatten GAN. That was it.
 * 2) * "…found herself free. Taking the ownership papers to one of her master's ships, the Gymsnor-2 light freighter Scupper Bantoo, she flew the vessel out of its docking bay. Free, Macatten…" The word free is used twice in a quick succession. Can you remove or change one of the occurrences?
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * "Personality and traits" compresses several, unrelated manners in one paragraph (Speech patterns, tendency to sing while working and goal in life). I think each of those should have its own paragraph; currently, I find the section confusingly crowded.
 * 5) **I split it into two paragraphs. Breaking it down anymore would result in single sentences.
 * 6) * What was I saying?… Oh yeah! That's all. -Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:12, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:43, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) From the Council Chambers:
 * 9) * "Maddie Macatten was a female Bith who was considered to be aged by 8 ABY.": "Aged" is a bit unclear.
 * 10) **Aged. As in "old". Changed to be clearer.
 * 11) * Behind the scenes: Should "gamemaster" be capitalized? The WOTC RPG books consistently capitalize "Gamemaster" when it's spelled out, but I don't know if the WEG books do the same.
 * 12) **Capitalized for consistency.
 * 13) *Otherwise, good job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:44, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:17, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) * Bio: Is there really any point to starting a sentence with "Free", after you say that she has been released from her servitude? This seems redundant.
 * 17) **Reworked.
 * 18) * Bio: "Macatten made several modifications to the Scupper Bantoo, but it was an old vessel and could only take so much modification." This is pretty awkwawrd. Could it be reworded, so that one of the "modification"s could be removed?
 * 19) **Done.
 * 20) * The last sentence of the bio seems sudden and completely out of place. Is there any way it could be worked in earlier, when you begin talking about her travels? Where it is right now it just seems very sudden and out of place.
 * 21) **To be honest, placing it anywhere in the bio makes it out of place. It's not related to her trading, and its not related to her search for information on the Aing-Tii. Placing it at the end doesn't disrupt the flow of those two sections.
 * 22) *Also, just as a note, watch for redundant links. Slave, slaver, and slavery all link to the same article. I've fixed these, but just watch out for this in the future. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:20, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:17, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Axe (clone)
> JangFett  Talk 22:15, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: An Important Clone pilot, in TCW :P

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 03:14, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job; this article has come a long way :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Object style="color:#003">Jujiggum ]]) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 17:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First sentence in the intro is a run-on, please fix.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * The intro is disproportionately large compared to the bio, please cut it down some.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) ***I believe it is still a little long. Please cut out any information that is really not very relevant.
 * 7) ****Addressed
 * 8) *****Better length, but now it reads: "However, Vulture droids to Blue Squadron." Please please please check this and the rest of the article for grammar issues. Jonjedigrandmaster  ([[User talk:Jonjedigrandmaster|<span
 * 1) ******I saw that and corrected it a while back.
 * 2) * Intro: "the group experienced bad luck&hellip;" Could this be changed to something less colloquial?
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Intro: "Aze was shot down by a droid, which caused his fighter to overload above Ryloth." This is very vague wording. He was shot down, and his fighter overloaded. Wwhat do you mean by "overload"? Did it explode? Did he die? Please clarify.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * You should start the bio with a basic introduction as to who Axe is.
 * 7) **Addessed
 * 8) ***This one still remains. please check.
 * 9) ****Sorry, Addressed.
 * 10) *****Better, but is there any way this can be merged with other info in the bio? It is a little too small to stand by itself. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ******Addressed
 * 12) * Also, check for over-underlinking. Once again, I got some of these, but there were several extra and missed links. Double check the article for any more.
 * 13) **Addressed
 * 14) * Bio: "as more enemy star destroyers joined Tuuk's blockade." First off, "Star Destroyers" should be capitalized, however, this may be irrelevant, as I don't recall the CIS ever using Star Destroyers. Correct me if I'm wrong, but please check on this.
 * 15) **Indeed, I changed it to "Munificent-class frigates".
 * 16) * P&t: "Like all clone trooper pilots who serve the Republic, Axe was known to be good pilot and strong leader under Blue Squadron." This needs to be reworded, as it implies that all clone pilots lead Blue Squadron, as well as that there were clone trooper pilots who did not serve the Republic. Also, a "leader" would not be "under" the people he was commanding. So Axe would be a leader of Blue Squadron, not under.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) ***This one still remains. Now you merely imply that all clones in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Also, you will need to source this section, and I don't know of any source that says that all clone pilots in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Later in the P&t, his Squadron leader was his superior, which makes the last sentence make no sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:59, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Hope this is better, I reworded the entire paragraph.
 * 20) *****Much better :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:41, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *The biggest problem right now with the article is the number of grammatical errors; please run through the article and re-check for these. I've fixed a couple, but many remain. Once you get them, I'll provide a more in-depth review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:48, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Addressed and read through the article once more. Corrected numerous grammatical errors.
 * 23) Preliminaries
 * 24) *I'll get to a proper review later, but right now the article is way too subsectioned for the amount of content it has. Please fix this.  CC7567  (talk) 22:54, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Are you referring to the "Biography" section?
 * 26) ***Yes, I am, as I don't see anywhere else where there are multiple sections.
 * 27) ****Addressed
 * 28) * Also, are you checking where you're linking? Both of your links to the Defender and Redeemer are disambig pages. Please go through the article again and check for things like this.  CC7567  (talk) 23:03, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Defender has been changed before you addressed this. Redeemer doesn't have a disambig page.
 * 30) ***Nope. The correct one is here.  CC7567  (talk) 23:08, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****This has already been changed before you addressed it :P
 * 32) The Grand Master, part two
 * 33) * The first couple sentences in the second part of the intro are a little choppy. Reword them a little, for flow.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "Under the command" is slightly repetative in the Bio.
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * "...after they left the hangar of the leading Republic Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute." The meaning of "leading" is somewhat unclear here.
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * "While they approached Tuuk's command ship..." Unclear as to "who" is. Blue Squadron? Yularen and Skywalker?
 * 40) **Addressed
 * 41) * " Tano, who was concerned for Axe and the rest of the squadron, soon realized that it was too late as more enemy Munificent-class frigates joined Tuuk's blockade." Tano realized that it was too late for what?
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * "Though for Tano, it was just a order they had to comply with." Grammar, please rephrase.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) *Keep up the good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:07, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **Thanks for the 2nd review Jon :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***No problem. You're doing well, Jang. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:30, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * Just one last thing: "Under the command of Tano, Axe participated in the ensuing space battle above Ryloth. Axe was accompanied by fellow Blue Squadron pilots Slammer, Kickback, Tucker and Swoop. While they flew in V-19 Torrent starfighters, Tano led the squadron in her Jedi starfighter. After they left the hangar of General Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute, they were quickly engaged by a tier of Vulture droids." This seems to be somewhat out of order. I'd suggest reordering or rephrasing them slightly, so that they make more sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Addressed

Scupper Bantoo

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:43, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Compliment for Maddie Macatten above.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:23, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:31, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 19:12, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:52, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "Both Macatten and her former master attempted to keep the ship moderately up to date, but the model was considered obsolete by 12 BBY,": This sentence in the intro suggests that Macatten obtained the ship before it became obsolete in 12 BBY. However, the second sentence in the "History" section states that it became obsolete in 12 BBY while her master still had possession of it. Please clarify.
 * 3) **Reworked it a little.
 * 4) *Great job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:00, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thank you. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:25, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The Grand Master
 * 7) * Intro is too long compared to the body; please try to cut it down some.
 * 8) **Trimmed down.
 * 9) * "When he was killed by an Aing-Tii ship while on a trading expedition..." He was killed by an Aing-Tii ship? This doesn't make sense; was he killed by a group of Aing-Tii? Was he shot down in a ship by Aing-Tii? The way you have it written iimplies that a ship randomly killed him. (I don't think this needs a lot of context, just enough info to clarify.)
 * 10) **The source text states "when her master was slain by an Aing-Tii ship while on a trading junket." That's all the information there is, and I tried to word it so that there is no speculation. While one would assume he was on a ship for this to have happened, it doesn't explicitly state this as fact.
 * 11) * I found that Kathol Outback redirects to Kathol sector, so I removed the extra link. However, as this means that they are the same thing, I would suggest picking one to use in the article for consistency, otherwise you might confuse the reader by changing back and forth.
 * 12) **The Kathol sector and the Kathol Outback are technically two distinct areas of space, clearly defined within the DarkStryder Campaign framework. Although this wiki has one redirecting to the other, I will be separating the two and rewriting the articles. This is just planning ahead by having the links ready. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 21:24, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 22:03, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Aaris

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:47, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another guest nom for WP:AS, as well as part of Project: DarkStryder.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks fine to me after a copyedit. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:17, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work, as usual. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:21, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:24, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Thought they were familiar.   CC7567  (talk) 21:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 09:48, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * "Thousands of years prior to the Galactic Civil War, the Aaris built an industrial society across their homeworld, raising large cities, and had a strong tradition of oral communication, to the extent of developing a unique method of recording their knowledge." This is a run-on, please rephrase.
 * 3) **Split into two sentences.
 * 4) * "...and took it to a tower in the city's governmental complex, high above the city." The beginning of this phrase implies that it was taken somewhere in the city, but the end says that it was actually above the city, which implies that it was not actually in the city at all. Please clarify.
 * 5) **The tower rises high above the city. Made this clearer.
 * 6) * "...made their home in the lower levels." The lower levels of what? Of the city? Yet you say that the city has fallen into ruin and been reclaimed by the jungle; this would imply that such "lower levels" don't really exist. Please clarify.
 * 7) **There are extensive ruins, which the jungle has grown over in thousands of years. Reworded a little for clarity.
 * 8) *Otherwise, looks good. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:55, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:43, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * There is quite a bit of repetition. For instance the first paragraph of the history and society sections are very similar. Perhaps only mention the wars they had prior to the plaque in one section, etc. I also think it would be appropriate to add a short line about what happened to the artifact after their society's collapse as it played a significant role in their history. --Eyrezer 01:14, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **I did a little reworking. See what you think. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 09:32, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Looks good. --Eyrezer 09:48, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

O'Niner

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 01:36, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A TCW clone nom, from Rookies. Approx. 350 words as of nomination.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 20:04, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 03:12, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Wait, O'Niner was not a Hidden One, nor did he appear in Outcast. What's going on here? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:10, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *He&hellip;he's not? There must be some mistake! 3PO would tell you that the odds of this happening are worse than the odds of successfully navigsting an asteroid field. :P Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 15:34, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 00:57, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:02, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Object > JangFett  Talk 02:38, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Prelims
 * 2) * Unfortunately, Rookies isn't a source for his death date; that needs to be referenced to TCW novel, so sourcing is required throughout.
 * 3) **Addressed. Let me know if there's something I missed.
 * 4) ***CC, while you can reference the novel to c. 22 BBY. As for "Rishi", it can be referenced to "Rookiees", since his death wasn't shown in the novel. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * The episode guide needs to be listed as a source.
 * 2) **Done.
 * 3) * Clone designations should be used where possible, as per this CT.
 * 4) **Unfortunately, I don't know of any source that gives O'Niner's designation. It wasn't mentioned in the episode, and I didn't see it in the Ep guide.
 * 5) ***Sorry, I meant for Cody and Rex.  CC7567  (talk) 02:36, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ****No problem, fixed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:52, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Can an image be found for the bio? The article is rather boring image-wise.  CC7567  (talk) 01:50, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **That's the only image of O'Niner currently on the site. I could add one of the droid attack, or ask someone to upload an image, as I currently don't have the means to do so myself. Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:26, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***I'll get one myself and upload it, and post it here to see what you think.  CC7567  (talk) 02:36, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ****Cool, thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:52, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *****Take your pick: this one or this one.  CC7567  (talk) 03:25, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ******Thanks CC :). I added the second one; see what you think. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:16, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ******Actually, I just changed it to the first. I think it's a better image of him, but feel free to change it if you disagree. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:10, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *******I tried getting the second one in there, but you might want to remove it if it's too much. Also, I've removed his birth date, as it wasn't confirmed that all the clones were manufactured at the same time; the episode itself implied that there were still clones being created on Kamino during the time of the series.  CC7567  (talk) 22:21, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ********No problem, and I think that looks fine. Thanks again. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:25, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Soresu
 * 17) * warn the fleet of the impending Confederate attack. What fleet? What Confederate attack? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **The fleet refers to the Republic fleet, which was mentioned directly just a sentence or two ago, and the attack to the advancing Confederate forces. I tweaked it a little, though. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 14:27, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ***Much better now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:02, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) Can you give O'Niner's death in the intro more context? What he was doing when he died?  CC7567  (talk) 21:37, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:32, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 01:57, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The only problem I see right now is that the article has no sources. Like CC said, it can use a image. Other than that, nice work Jon :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Fixed sources, and as for the image, see above. Thanks Jang :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:26, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Carn

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:20, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another WP:LE nom; one last GA Security trooper

(2 ACs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Way too much déjà vu from Bessen and Savar.  CC7567  (talk) 22:54, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Phew. I saw O'Niner and thought that something had gone terribly wrong. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:13, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *Lol. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 15:35, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Can consistency of numbers be used in either "200" or "two hundred", as you use both "200" and "fifteen"? Other than that, it's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 22:42, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed. Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:45, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Neimoidian captain

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:00, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: That's right, another unidentified character from me. Why? Because I'm bored.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:50, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) He'd better eventually get a name.  CC7567  (talk) 23:38, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Mauser  Comlink 15:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Juicy of Unparalleled Juiciness
 * 2) * "This Neimoidian ordered his frigate to open fire on Alama's craft, and the captain had squadrons of droid starfighters deployed to combat a Republic LAAT/i gunship spotted in the area." I think this should be broken up into two sentences, or reworded for flow. It reads rather awkwardly the way it is now.
 * 3) **There's really no need to break it up. I've reworded it slightly, though. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:28, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The first sentence of the bio is very, very long. Not necessarily breaking any grammar rules, but could it be broken down for ease of reading?
 * 5) **Done. Unfortunately, I can't break it up any further. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:28, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:24, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I don't have the time to fully look it over right now, but one factual correction I'll point out. The Republic forces did not shoot Alama's ship down. There is nothing to indicate that in the comic, not even on the bonus page. He was shot down by the Separatists, and them only. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 20:34, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * JMAS: see Gunship over Florrum. Also, in the bonus page, he complains about the Republic sticking it's nose where it doesn't belong, not the Confederacy. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:50, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Is the game considered canon? On the bonus page, he says they stuck their nose in, not that they shot him down. They could have appeared suddenly, surprising him and causing him to veer into Separatist fire. But in the comic, Aayla Secura mentions "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." As the separatists are clearly the enemy, that would mean she didn't count Alama's as an adversary. If the game has you shooting down Alama, then that seems to contradict the comic. Just something to think about. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:08, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm not seeing your argument. The game has some level of canonicity, as it's based on the comic and referenced in the comic as well. The game has you playing as the gunship, and after shooting down the Confederates you shoot down Alama's ship. On the bonus page, Alama says that the Republic scouts were "sticking their nose where it didn't belong". The line from Secura was her thinking out loud before sending Bly to investigate.  CC7567  (talk) 03:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * There's no contradiction: technically, in the game, the Separatists open fire on you first, and when Alama comes in, he attacks first as well. Bly follows Secura's orders, and obviously Alama was not a friend of the Republic. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * OK, then. Thanks for clarifying. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 14:09, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Davtokk

 * Nominated by:  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 20:20, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Anybody gutsy enough to try and take out Cad Bane deserves to have a good article written about them.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 00:32, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 09:29, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 03:22, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) User:Clone Commander Lee

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * "He tried to kill Bane to collect the bounty on his head, but killed a decoy instead." The meaning of this sentence is somewhat obscure. (I know what you mean, but it could be worded better). Maybe change it so that you don't have to use "tried".
 * 3) **How's that read now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Please reword the first sentence of the bio (grammar).
 * 5) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * In the bio you use "claim" and "claiming" very close to each other. Could you change one of these, to keep from being too repetitive?
 * 7) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Also, is there anything that actually confirms he is human? Could he not be a near-human?
 * 9) **I removed instances of Human, but I'm sure there have been other cases where Human was tolerated based on pictorial evidence alone. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:46, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Mauser:
 * 13) * "Davtokk narrowly evaded two attempts to capture him by two different bounty hunters before being shot through the leg by Aurra Sing, yet another hunter." - Bad flow of the sentence and repeative use of the word "hunter" in this one and the next sentence.
 * 14) **Unfortunately, they are all bounty hunters, so I was trying to alternate between over-using "bounty hunter" by sometimes shortening it to just hunter. Any suggestion would be welcomed. I tried rewording a little bit. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Perharps you could expand the intro a bit by introducing Robonino and Shahan Alama in it, rather than the body?
 * 16) **I had done so before, but I was advised by another member of the AC to actually shorten the intro, so I chose to trim that part down. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Is Alama's net not a Razor net?
 * 18) **Not specified. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "Believing he had eluded capture, his escape was cut short": the escape believed it had eluded capture? ;)
 * 20) **I'm sorry, I'm not seeing anything wrong with that sentence, but I reworded slightly. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Expand the BTS. Say that he was created by Pablo Hidalgo, drawn by Thomas Hodges, appeared in the webcomic leading to the Hostage Crisis - all the usuall stuff.
 * 22) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Otherwise looks good.  Mauser  Comlink 15:02, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for looking it over. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 26) * Place of death needs to be in the infobox.
 * 27) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "Around 22 BBY he was invited to the planet of Keyorin for a job interview with Duros hunter Cad Bane. Choosing to instead collect the bounty on Bane's head, Davtokk shot Bane, only to find that what he destroyed was actually a droid decoy." - There needs to be something between being invited to Keyorin and shooting Bane; it's rather abrupt right now. Perhaps you could mention that upon arriving on Keyorin, Davtokk went to (wherever) for a meeting with Bane, then say "Choosing to instead..."
 * 29) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "...Davtokk, a male bounty hunter, accepted an invitation to meet fellow bounty hunter Cad Bane, who was holding job interviews. He traveled to the "Hunter's World" of Keyorin, and was directed to the Duros hunter's location by a Techno-service droid." - like Mauser's one objection: "hunter" is used way too many times.
 * 31) **How's it look now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * You say in the infobox that he has blue hair, but in the P&T, you mention his hair was "blueish-black." Which is it?
 * 33) **Blueish-black, corrected in infobox. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "Davtokk's armor was of a design similar to Mandalorian Shock Trooper armor, minus the signature T-visor helmet. It is unclear if he was in fact a Mandalorian, or just made use of like armor." - this is speculation, and needs to be removed.
 * 35) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * You have him in Category:Humans, yet there is no mention of his species in the article or infobox.
 * 37) **Yep, just forgot to remove that. Done now. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Not bad. Just a few minor things and this will pass in no time. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:14, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 05:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ***Just a note: I corrected a few grammatical errors and reworded the BTS slightly (I linked directly to the webcomic and then removed the redundant reference). Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) Attack of the Clone
 * 42) * The current wording in the intro suggests that Davtokk decided on the spot to kill Bane, where it appeared in the comic that his intentions were already clarified. I would suggest a slight rewording.
 * 43) **Done, how's it look now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:54, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Can you get that date in the body somewhere?
 * 45) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:54, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Striking, but see new objection below.
 * 47) * The bio is a little to sub-paragraphed; I would suggest trying to merge two of the shorter ones. (Probably those first two.)
 * 48) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:54, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * Was it a flash bomb or a flash-bang grenade that he used? I'm not sure myself, but I'd like this clarified.
 * 50) **It's not specified, but looking at both articles, the illustration definitely looks more like a flash-bang grenade, not a flash bomb, because Alama clearly wasn't injured. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:54, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * Can the P&T get a quote? I know that Davtokk didn't say that much, but I think there's enough dialogue in the comic to be found. If one can't be found appropriate (i.e. without reusing dialogue), then that's fine.
 * 52) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:54, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * CC7567  (talk) 19:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) **Thanks for looking it over. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:54, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Can the bio start better without blatantly stating "prior to a hostage crisis"? I think it would be better to state here that Bane set the trap for Davtokk in order to test his accomplices for the raid on the Senate, while maintaining later in the bio that Davtokk realized he had been fooled by the droid doppelganger.
 * 56) **Maybe not exactly as you've stated, but did rework it. Moved the part about the raid on the senate to the last paragraph where Bane revealed the truth. How's it work for you now? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:18, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * Can you get in something about Davtokk's ambition? He showed a bit of ambition in attempting to kill the "renowned bounty hunter, Cad Bane." Not to the point where it's POV-oriented or speculative, but I think something can be said.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Done. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:18, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Jae Akura

 * Nominated by:  Grunny  ( Talk ) 11:51, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WookieeProject Ambitious Legacy continues

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good work, Grunny.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:03, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Great work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 14:39, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:02, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Mauser  Comlink 15:05, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Excellence.  CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * His hair looks like black to me.
 * 3) **Agreed, changed.
 * 4) * In the infobox: add Skull Squadron to affiliation?
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "Jae "Storm" Akura...": can it be changed to "Jae Akura, nicknamed "Storm""?
 * 7) **I'd prefer not to, since the quotation shows it's a nickname and I don't like to break flow when it's not necessary :).
 * 8) * "rescue... Hosk Trey'lis from the Sith": maybe change to more specific "From the Temple of the Sith"?
 * 9) **Changed.
 * 10) * If you create the article for Helot-class transport, it would be appreciated, although not required.
 * 11) **I'm going to create it tomorrow :-).
 * 12) *Those objections are all rather minor, since the article looks great already.  Mauser  Comlink
 * 13) **Thanks for the review, Mauser :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 14:59, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Just one: "an order came in from Moff Yage ordering Skull Squadron to abort their mission. The order had been arranged by Calixte to allow her to rescue her son. The Skulls were displeased with the orders..." Can the "orders" be varied in word choice?  CC7567  (talk) 21:54, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *Varied :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 23:10, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Billal Batross

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 14:33, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first ever attempt to do a GA. Thanks to CC7567 for a pre-nom review.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Preliminaries
 * 2) * For now, can the intro be slimmed down? It's still a bit long. Try to only include details that are utterly necessary to the reader's very basic understanding of the character.  CC7567  (talk) 22:00, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I managed to make it a bit slimmer, but I'm not sure if anything else could be cut - it already tells only the very basics of the story.  Mauser  Comlink 07:14, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I guess that's fine for now; if I end up disagreeing again in future looks, I'll talk it over with you.
 * 5) * One more for now: "and were offered by Captain Taavin to help bring down Sollima in exchange for the release": check your diction of "offered"; that's not how the word is used. Please go through the article again and look for this; I'm still seeing it in multiple places, and it's not making sense. Also, "bring down" is too colloquial and not very specific; please clarify this.  CC7567  (talk) 07:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Yeah, that's my bad. I'm not a native english-speaker =\  Mauser  Comlink 09:48, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Clone attack
 * 8) * "so he asked to retrieve the droid": subject missing somewhere in there; it's not reading well.
 * 9) **Adressed.
 * 10) ***Please check this again; the current wording states that Batross asked Sollima if the crime lord could retrieve the droid himself.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Tweaked.
 * 12) * "Since the orders were to bring the droid back intact, the Aleena ordered to shoot them": who did he order?
 * 13) **Adressed.
 * 14) * "All the wealth, however, was soon afterward snatched away from him." Soon and afterward are slightly redundant here; I would suggest replacing both with "later" or a similar word.
 * 15) **Adressed.
 * 16) * In the refnote about Batross' "deceptive nature," can you explain a bit how the events were presented? Just knowing Batross' deceptive nature isn't enough to determine that they possibly never took place.
 * 17) **I am unsure about this one. The trick is, during the same conversation he directly lies at least twice (about being proud of Han's achievements and about being willing to change), so the reader obviously suspects a catch with that claim. Furthermore, when Han asks Batross about the money he gained, he says that "rotten luck snatched it away", which makes the reader even more suspicious. I think the fact alone that he lies to Han several times throughout the whole story is enough for not believing his words without proof. Should I add all this to the ref note?
 * 18) ***My concern was that I wasn't sure which appearance or source it came from; sorry for not clarifying. As long as it's specified that this was in the comic, it should be fine.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Tweaked the ref note a bit.
 * 20) * If you say "the representatives of the Empire," it needs to be stated which specific representatives they were. If you mean representatives in general, please remove the "the".
 * 21) **Adressed.
 * 22) * "he asked to retrieve the droid": please check this whole sentence; it's not making sense.
 * 23) **Adressed.
 * 24) ***Everything is fine except for the wording problem that I mentioned in the response to the objection above about "asked".  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Tweaked.
 * 26) * "Captain Taavin of the Empire then ordered to release both prisoners": who did he order to release them?
 * 27) **Adressed.
 * 28) * "According to Taavin's plan": rewording can be applied here; things are normally "according" to people, not necessarily inanimate objects.
 * 29) **Adressed.
 * 30) * "relatively intact": instead of stating it this way, I would recommend saying "with minor injures" or something for better clarity.
 * 31) **Adressed.
 * 32) *I'm up to "Escape from the Hollow Moon"; I'll finish later when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 20:07, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Again, thanks for your patience.  Mauser  Comlink 09:36, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***It's no problem; we all have to start somewhere, and your first nom is looking quite good. :)  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Attack of the Clone III
 * 36) * "Realizing that the invasion of his world was unpreventable, Sollima, in a desperate attempt, asked Batross to kill his friend for a large sum of money, but Batross refused, stating that he and Solo were partners." This sentence is a bit choppy with the extra prepositional phrase (in a desperate attempt); please try to either smooth out the flow or remove the phrase if it can't be improved.
 * 37) **I found that bit unnecessary.
 * 38) * Solo threatened Sollima for Chewie's whereabouts, but did he get them? I know it's implied, but it needs to be clarified.
 * 39) **Adressed.
 * 40) * "he decided that he would become the third member": it's either he believed that he would become the third member, or that he wanted to become the third member; the current wording isn't really working.
 * 41) **Tweaked.
 * 42) * "Leading a life of a gambler, a con artist and an occasional thief": this is technically grammatically correct, but it's a bit choppy; can it be reworded?
 * 43) **I did a rewording, but if fact I don't like it myself. See how's that with you.
 * 44) * Solo's "incredible luck" is a bit POV-oriented; if it's stated, examples need to be given and it needs to be more specific.
 * 45) **It is indirectly stated by Batross when he complains about his own luck (P&T quote), but I decided to remove that, since it does indeed look like POV.
 * 46) * "such as the crime lords Sollima and Imperial officer Taavin": please check subject/plural agreement here.
 * 47) **Adressed.
 * 48) *I'll probably look it over once more after these objections are fixed, but good work.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Ah, mesa not so good with englishes. =(  Mauser  Comlink 07:36, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * A note: the article's at c. 2,600 words, so it's within the GAN word count limit of 3,000.  CC7567  (talk) 20:23, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll take another look when I get the chance, but solid work. :)  CC7567  (talk) 07:44, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Ares Nune

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 20:32, 14 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Kite and Laudable noms.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Infobox image: get one of at least the infobox size (the new viewer has the same images in higher resolution).
 * 3) *Non-haired species should not have the haircolor line filled in the infobox at all, right?
 * 4) *Can you find another main quote? Many the one starting with "General Ares Nune reporting..." ?
 * 5) *The quote from HoloNet News — A Galaxy Divided: I always though that was said by a clone trooper, based on the voice, not by Nune.
 * 6) *Can something esle be added to the P&T? Like the fact that ordered another sweep of the area because he wasn't convinced after the first one?
 * 7) *Again, are you sure it's Nune's voice appearing in the Holonet broadcast? The list of voice actors does not mention Nune in any way.
 * 8) * Mauser  Comlink 20:46, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Jujiggum
 * 10) *"After doing so, the ship proceeded to destroy Nune's entire task force, destroying General Nune, Kite, and the entire Republic fleet." Destroying Nune and Kite? I think this could be reworded better, and destroying is repetetive.
 * 11) *I think you could work something else into the P&t; like Mauser suggested, maybe something about how he was cautious. Also, the sentence that is there now could be worded a little better ("showing it when" is awkward).
 * 12) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:42, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Sacking of Coruscant

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:49, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Bring it on.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * --Gbadude3 02:20, 16 June 2009 (UTC)


 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:42, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd makes his return to the GAN:
 * 2) * "Although members of the Jedi Order and Republic Special Forces attempted to defend their capital, the Sith forces overwhelmed them, and by the time the fighting had ended, the Jedi Temple had been reduced to rubble, with six members of the Jedi Council killed, along with the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic." Overly long sentence with too many commas. Break it up and/or reword.
 * 3) **Split and reworded.
 * 4) * "The treaty was highly unfair for the Republic, calling for the immediate withdrawal of all Republic forces and Jedi from all battlefronts." Uses "all" twice. Vary up your word choice.
 * 5) **Addressed...kinda. It sounds weird to me. Thoughts?
 * 6) ***No, it's good now.
 * 7) * I've noticed that your prose has an overabundance of commas. Try to reduce this.
 * 8) **I've removed a few. Not a ton but a few. Need more?
 * 9) *Other than that, very good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:43, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Thank ya very much. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:29, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) The clone doesn't know why he's in this era either
 * 12) * Can you get the date in the intro and the body instead of just keeping it in the infobox?
 * 13) **It's in the body prelude. Want more or is that bueno?
 * 14) ***Oops, didn't catch that.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * The intro includes a bit much about the Treaty of Coruscant, when all it is is the aftermath of the battle. I would recommend reducing it to a sentence or so; I understand that the Sacking had a great effect on it, but in the interest of an intro including only information directly related to the article, it can be reduced.
 * 16) **I think I got it.
 * 17) ***I think it can be slimmed down a little more into one sentence; leaving it at "controversial Treaty, which stopped the war" will be fine here.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ****K, I removed the Treaty's terms but left in the Cold War mention. Is that okay?
 * 19) *****Yeah, that's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 07:46, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "In the centuries following the Great Hyperspace War, several members of the Republic's Jedi Order would take up the mantle of the Sith and ignite galactic conflicts, such as the Exar Kun War and the Jedi Civil War." The future tense thing here is unnecessary; it's talking from a reminiscent perspective that isn't appropriate in the prelude of the actual battle.
 * 21) **Taken care of I believe.
 * 22) * Both the first two paragraphs of the prelude start with "After"; can one be reworded?
 * 23) **Yes sir.
 * 24) * "Unbeknownst to the Republic, the Jedi, and these new Sith, a faction of the original Sith had survived the destruction of the Empire after being led into the Unknown Regions of the galaxy by a mysterious Dark Lord who would become the Emperor of the surviving Sith." Rather long-winded; try to break this one up and reword.
 * 25) **Splt.
 * 26) * "The Jedi and Sith fought viciously while the bounty hunter engaged Temple Security with rockets and a flame thrower." This sentence needs to be reworded; whether intentionally or not, it's a null comparison that's comparing the Jedi and Sith's fighting intensity to the bounty hunter's methods of attack.
 * 27) **Changed the "while" to "as" so it's more of a note of simultaneous action than differing action. Does that help?
 * 28) * "During the melee, the Sith's Twi'lek aide was incapacitated after being thrown with the Force into a column by one of the Jedi that had originally confronted her and the Sith." Can that Jedi somehow be mentioned earlier?
 * 29) **I attempted to initially, and it repeatedly came off extremely awkward. Other than "one of the Jedi that had originally confronted her" there's no other way to identify him. If I put him in there when I talk about the Jedi encircling her and the Sith, it reads like "...while the Sith and Twi'lek were confronted by several Jedi, including one very special one, in the main entrance hall below." Without a name it's just too awkward.
 * 30) * "Angral, the Sith Lord in command of the strike on Coruscant": the "strike on Coruscant" reads a bit awkwardly here. I'm not sure whether you mean the strike on the planet itself or on its surface; please clarify.
 * 31) **Changed "on" to "against".
 * 32) * Sith Warship or Sith warship? Both are used; please be consistent.
 * 33) **Fixed up.
 * 34) * The battle part of the article is a bit subsectioned. Can you try perhaps merging the two last sections? However, if this is done, image placement will need to be fixed, so please try to work this out.
 * 35) **The problem here is that in the two appearances (Threat of Peace & Deceived) of the battle, there are two distinct portions of the battle that are specified, those being the invasion of the temple and the attack on the Senate. The timeline doesn't go into specifics, however it does give a broad overview of the events during the battle, such as the collapse of the temple and the death of the Jedi Masters. I originally had those mixed in with the other sections, however it looked out of place and awkward. With two paragraphs worth of information, I reasoned it was enough for a section, however if you have any other suggestions, they would be welcome.
 * 36) *When you refer to the Jedi Temple without the "Jedi", is it Temple or temple? You use both throughout the article.
 * 37) **Waiting on this one per IRC.
 * 38) ***I'll check this again when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "reducing the assembly's numbers by half": it needs to be either "by half of ", or it needs to be reworded.
 * 40) **I mixed up the wording but it seems reallllly strange to me now. Would you prefer going simple and saying "During the fighting, half of the Jedi High Council was killed."?
 * 41) ***Yeah, I think that would be best.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Taken care of.
 * 43) * Same subsectioning issue for the Aftermath; two short paragraphs don't really constitute a section. Please try to merge them. New image placement will also need to be applied here.
 * 44) **Same situation as above, however I could merge the Occupation with the Republic's losses, however the occupation was really part of the aftermath, not during the sacking itself. Thoughts? (Also keep in mind that with the rate that information being released, all of these sections will grow quickly and be more fit to stand on their own.)
 * 45) * For both "Repercussion" paragraphs, both start with "With". Can one be reworded?
 * 46) **Yes sir.
 * 47) * 1st needs to be used in Appearances where appropriate.
 * 48) **Done.
 * 49) *Overall, the article is quite solid for an event from so recently released appearances. Good work.  CC7567  (talk) 05:09, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Thank you. :) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 07:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 01:25, 15 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 01:45, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Like the Treaty of Coruscant, this article will obviously require updating as time goes on, and like the Treaty, I intend on doing just that. But at the moment, it's in the GA range. And I have no plans to go for anything higher until it's stable. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:49, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fixed quite a few spelling errors in my 1st copyedit, also removed unnecessary tags in the body. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Thanks. I was almost certain i didn't catch all of them. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:38, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Also I fixed the "Decieved" reference to "Deceived" – proper spelling :P <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Sure. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:58, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I reworded a couple things related to the objections.--Gbadude3 02:20, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Seyyerin Itoklo

 * Nominated by: -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 15:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Jedi Knight with a single mention; very very short.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:54, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:01, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, it is. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:11, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) --Eyrezer 10:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) The clone
 * 2) * Is there a reason you mention his Knighting before the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, instead of ordering it chronologically? It's a bit strange, but I'd thought I'd ask you.
 * 3) **Well it's because I didn't want it to be inferred that he was promoted to the rank of Jedi Knight in 26 ABY, which seemed to be what I was saying. Anyway, I re-ordered the information, see what you think.
 * 4) * Can you check the first sentence of the P&T? The subject/plural agreement doesn't seem to be quite correct.
 * 5) **It was missing another &mdash; see what you think.
 * 6) * CC7567  (talk) 19:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the speedy review. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 22:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) The Grand Master
 * 9) * "By 26 ABY, Itoklo had achieved the rank of Jedi Knight; the previous year, however, the galaxy had been invaded by an extra-galactic warfaring species known as the Yuuzhan Vong." Rather awkward, but that might be fixed if reordered, as CC suggested above.
 * 10) **Yup, reworded as with CC's objection.
 * 11) * "Blazing a path of conquest from the Outer Rim Territories toward the Galactic Core, elements of the Yuuzhan Vong leadership saw a threat in the New Jedi Order and its members." Could you specifiy why they saw the Order as a threat?
 * 12) **Added info. Check it out.
 * 13) * Could you reword the P&t? The second sentence is a little short and choppy. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:12, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Reworded.
 * 15) ***Jon, I also made some changes to the changes you had made during your copyedit. Some of them I wasn't sure about, like removing a semi-colon, which seemed to break up the flow of the writing. For future reference, it's improper to refer to the Yuuzhan Vong only as "Vong", as that's a slang term. Thanks for the quick review. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 22:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Understood, no problem :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:01, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) The first sentence of the Biography is a bit of a mouthful. Could you split it up, perhaps adding a bit more detail on the Etti species generally, beyond just saying that they are near-Human? Other than that, a good article. --Eyrezer 01:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *"Hailing from the planet Etti IV, Seyyerin Itoklo was a member of the near-Human Etti species, a blue-skinned race known for their slender and delicate physiques." &mdash; unfortunately, I've taken that info from the Etti article, which is not sourced. I imagine the source is Alien Encounters; being a species expert, could you check this :P? -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 09:32, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **That is the kind of thing I was going for. I checked it against AE, and made one small change - their skin is descirbed as pale, not as blue. --Eyrezer 10:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Wooh, we are both promoting a GA and improving other areas of the Wook contemporaneously! Cheers for the review. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 11:13, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified navigation officer (Resolute)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 00:42, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First unidentified character pour moi. Felt strange with having only two GANs.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:59, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice and clean.  Mauser  Comlink 20:34, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd's back
 * 2) * First two sentences in the intro start exactly the same way.
 * 3) **Gah. Addressed.
 * 4) * "Around 22 BBY, he was stationed aboard the cruiser" Specify which cruiser it is. It is somewhat unclear. If you changed it to "the Star Destroyer" it would be better, but do it as you see fit.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "when it was part of Jedi General Anakin Skywalker's fleet to eliminate a Confederate blockade surrounding the planet of Ryloth." The fleet to eliminate part is rather strangely worded.
 * 7) **Addressed with the above.
 * 8) * "they usually had him to lead them—and that his command of the attack would have ensured its success." This part is rather unclear; Is "him" Skywalker or the navigation officer?
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * The P&T section is a mere rehash of his comments toward Tano. What does his comments mean in regards to his actual personality?
 * 11) **I don't want to assume too much because there's only so much that can be inferred before speculation starts. I've reworded slightly, but I can't say if his doubt also caused him to suggest more time and plan.
 * 12) *Good job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:07, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review, Floyd.  CC7567  (talk) 02:14, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Mauser:
 * 15) * According to The Clone Wars Campaign Guide, he is a clone naval officer, this should be mentioned somewhere.
 * 16) **Ugh, I really should have checked that first. Addressed.
 * 17) *Can't find anything else in need of fixing, I'm sure it will pass soon.  Mauser  Comlink 10:06, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the look.  CC7567  (talk) 20:27, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Vazus Mandrake

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 19:50, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Separatist soldier

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > JangFett  Talk 20:09, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) *Give more context on the end of the Clone Wars and the rise of the Empire.
 * 3) **Added --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Source the BtS.
 * 5) **Added --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *"Mandrake was worried by this, as he believed that the trooper would report the village’s location to it’s superiors and so the Imperials would come and attack the Felucians." This sentence is rather awkwardly worded. Reword it.
 * 7) **Reworded --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *"The agents agreed. They took the kybucks and rode off in pursuit of the speeder bike." Very choppy. Merge these two sentences together.
 * 9) **Reworded. I did this to make it seem more dramatic, but on rereviewing it, I can see that it failed. Miserably --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *Any other quotes for P&T or the other sections?
 * 11) **No, unfortunately, there isn't --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *The second section of the bio generally doesn't flow very well.
 * 13) **I have had a slight look at it, but I'm not quite sure what bits of it are causing the problem --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *The prose is rather choppy and I think you should work on that, but nice job overall.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 20:02, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Back when I was at school, I think my English teacher would have agreed with you and this seems to be a problem that I have with all the noms that I do, so I will try to do the best I can to improve my writing style. If there are any further problems, then please let me know. --Jinzler 09:24, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Fett's 2 cents/prelims
 * 17) *Check your head quote's source. Seeing a red link. Did you misspell the source or the page doesn't exist yet&mdash;new source?
 * 18) **This was a typo and AdmirableAckbar kindly delt with it --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Missing tags in the infobox
 * 20) **Sorry, I forgot about these and have now added them --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *Missing quotes in the body&mdash;more specifically in his biography.
 * 22) **The source does not provide any more quotes --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Intro can be cut down a little.
 * 24) **Done --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Reorganize your main body sections. You begin with "==The Clone Wars" (Also missing dates. 22 BBY–19 BBY ), and then section introduces his early life. If you can rename that section to "Early Life" and then rename the next section to "The Clone Wars (With the dates)", then it should flow better. Under "The Clone Wars" you can add the subsection "===Life with the Felucians===".
 * 26) **I disagree. Dates aren't really necessary, as we don't know that he participated in the whole of the Clone Wars. Also I don't think that an early life section is necessary. All we know about his early like is that he was from Corulag, so it makes more sense to include this in the Clone Wars section, rather than give it a section of its own --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **Thank you for the review --Jinzler 09:23, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Moradmin Bast
> JangFett  Talk 00:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Quite solid work, One of the few outside TCW articles I've rewritten :P

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) *"Moradmin Bast was an Imperial Army general, subordinate to High General Cassio Tagge, and the personal aide to Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin aboard the first Death Star, and served as chief manager in the Death Star." Split these sentences up.
 * 3) *"Though soon after, Bast was killed when the Death Star exploded near Yavin 4, after Luke Skywalker's proton torpedo entered the Thermal exhaust port in the Death Star." The "Though soon after" is rather awkward.
 * 4) *" Seated to the left of his superior officer, Tagge, the group of command staff stationed in the Death Star discussed the Rebel Alliance, and their victory in obtaining the Death Star plans." Is it really relevant where he sat?
 * 5) *" Motti and Tagge argued about the Imperial Senate's continuous support for the Alliance, though with the intervention of Tarkin, he announced to the assembled command staff the Emperor's dissolution of the Imperial Senate. " Reword. It makes it sound like Motti or Tagge announced the dissolution of the Senate, although it was Tarkin.
 * 6) *Be consistent on your capitalization of the "Force".
 * 7) *"During the Battle of Yavin, Imperial military analysts, who had been studying the Rebels' initial attempt to enter the battle station's northern polar trench, brought to Bast's attention." Brought what to Bast's attention?
 * 8) *"Bast indicated that the small thermal exhaust port was a potential danger to everyone onboard the battlestation. " Tell why the exhaust port is a danger.
 * 9) *"Though, the engineers stationed on the Death Star experienced slight difficulties, delaying the destruction of Yavin 4." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 10) *"after one of his fighters bumped his own fighter, " Reword.
 * 11) *"as well as all the Death Star's commendations," I don't think commendations is appropriate here.
 * 12) *Is content of the Legacy section really suitable for Legacy? It's really just "There was a guy who looked like him."
 * 13) *Quote for P&T?
 * 14) *"many of whom were also assigned to the Death Star included:" Reword, although I would prefer you cut the part about the other Imperial officers with the same facial hair out entirely. It's not very relevant.
 * 15) *"The lookalike officer in the Holiday Special has not yet been identified, and his connection with Bast, if any, has not been explained, but it is known that is not Bast, and that Bast died in the Battle of Yavin." Split this sentence up, and the one following it.
 * 16) *Watch your linking. Articles are linked to once in the intro and once in the main body of the article.
 * 17) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Mauser:
 * 19) *One thing is obligatory for all movie noms: check all adaptations. In your case: the novel, the junior novel, the Marvel adaptation, the Dark Horse adaptation, the Manga adaptation, the photo comic, the radio drama, The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader and possibly some others. Simply adding them to the appearances list is not nearly enough: you must check all of them for any new info and inconsistencies.
 * 20) *A movie character with lines such as Bast is ought to have more sources mentioning him. Cards from Star Wars Trading Card Game and Star Wars PocketModel TCG are the first ones that spring to mind, but I'm sure there are a lot more. Even the sources, that are already listed, you don't seem to use. Where's the info from the Insider article, Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary, Star Wars Encyclopedia for that matter?
 * 21) *Keeping in mind that those two objections are pretty major and will require a lot of time to get the sources alone, I'd say this article's chances of getting GA'd in the near future are slim at best.  Mauser  Comlink 10:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Appearances go above sources fyi. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)