User:Jedimca0/Jedi Order

This is a Sub Page of Jedimca0 and AdmirableAckbar meant to help improve the Jedi Order Article.

Volunteers
If you feel like helping us please sign your name here
 * 1) Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 11:50, 21 July 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) [[Image:AckbarSig.jpg|20px]]  TheOne&OnlyAdmirableAckbar  ( It's A Trap! )

Greyman's Message
Hey Jedimca0, I know that you and Acky are working together on the Jedi Order article, so I thought I would post this here as well. Acky asked me to look it over and let him know what needed to be done, so I thought that you would like to have a copy of it as well for your own reference. I look forward to seeing your guys continued efforts on this article :). Cheers, Greyman ( Paratus ) 01:22, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

Hey Acky, as you requested of me in IRC, I took a look over the Jedi Order article and here is what I think needs to be done. Myself and some others think that it's GA nom is dead&mdash;everyone is to wary or fed up with...hmmm...certain...stuff...to look at it anymore. However, more than one person has said that unless an Inq approves this article, then it isn't going anywhere. I don't have the time to do it, but I 100% trust you and Jedimca0 to do an awesome job with it, and I've witnessed this in the last week or so, which only adds to my confidence in you guys. If you guys are able to do what I've listed below (and only after it's been all done), and even surpass that and do what you guys think needs to be done as well, then I have no problem proofreading it and giving it my stamp of approval&mdash;and I'm not just talking about it as an article, but as an FA nomination...eventually. It's a tall order, but it has come a long way since you've started cleaning it up, and I believe that you and Jedimca0 can do it. Also, by taking on a project of this...erm...reputation...it only continues to prove to everyone, including Admin's and Inqs, that you're serious about writing here&mdash;I already know you are, and so do others :D.

First off, I assume that you're planning on doing some, or a lot of, rewriting throughout the article, so I didn't go through it for grammar or diction just yet. Once you get whole sections out of the way and how you want them, then let me know and I'll go over it for you. I'll do my best to drag Goodwood and Graestan into that part as well, heh :D.

Here it is:
 * "After the war, the rest of these dissidents—known as the Legions of Lettow—were defeated." (Source?)
 * "It is generally accepted that Jedi Order was formally founded at the same time as the initial incarnation of the Galactic Republic circa 25,000 BBY. Many of the specifics are still shrouded in mystery, though." Needs to be rewritten or deleted.
 * "In 10,000 BBY, the Jedi created what would later be called the Lost City of the Jedi on Yavin 4. They used the City to terraform Yavin 4 into a rain forest world. Within the next 3,000 years, the Jedi abandoned Yavin 4." (Source?)
 * "In 7,000 BBY the Jedi suffered the Second Great Schism, resulting in the Hundred-Year Darkness. This conflict ended with the Battle of Corbos 6,900 BBY. The surviving Dark Jedi fled to Ziost and founded the Sith Empire." (Source?)
 * "The Jedi, believing that they had dealt with their dark-sided brethren, turned inward, and over the next twenty centuries they forgot about their exiled members." (Source? Twenty centuries??)
 * "The paranoia created by this conflict led to the Jedi and Republic's attempted genocide of the Sith and Stenness Shifters." (Source?)
 * "With the Ruusan Reformation, both the Jedi and the Republic renounced militarism, disbanding their vast armies and navies. From that point on, the Galaxy would rely on smaller Judicial forces to help the Jedi keep the peace. The Jedi were determined that the Sith would not be reborn. Mindful of their own history, the Jedi set about enforcing strict guidelines that the Council hoped would avoid repeating the mistakes of the past. They would renounce all ties to the outside world—to wealth, material possessions and even family. Training would now be undertaken on a strict one-to-one basis and centralized on Coruscant. With the far-flung academies of the past, the temptation of delving into forbidden knowledge was just too great for members of the order." (Source?)
 * Bullets should be rmvd from the Jedi Ranks section, however that's just a personal preference, but one I know a lot of other users agree with.
 * Quotes! Quotes, quotes, quotes, and more quotes! :D I believe that with each subsection in the article, a quote should be present as a lead-in.
 * Locations section needs to be expanded upon&mdash;Coruscant (Jedi Temple, Room of a Thousand Fountains, etc.) could have it's own paragraph. My advice here is to look at this → Locations of the Jedi Order, pick what you believe are the top five most important Jedi locations, and write paragraphs on them&mdash;make the current Locations section a little more meaty.
 * Any headings that have links in them should be de-linked, and then linked in actual paragraphs.
 * The Introduction could stand to be longer, especially with the amount of information that already is, and will be, in the article. All it has to be is "This happened here in this year, it resulted in this. Master blah then did this then, it was important b/c of this. However, a this war then broke out, last until then, and the Jedi did this." and so on and so forth.
 * POV (ex. semi-legendary organizations)
 * The New Sith Wars subsection needs to be put into more cohesive paragraphs&mdash;to many short paragraphs, which could easily be combined.
 * I haven't look very closely, but from just scanning over it, the sections which were copy/pasted from the History of the Jedi Order need to be rewritten (or slightly tweaked) so that they can stand on their own. I was going to recommend merging the two articles, but that is unlikely, since the History of the Jedi Order covers the entire Order, not just the Pre-Vader Order.
 * I would also recommend making (attempting) a complete list of Appearances and Sources. You can look here, here, or even here. (Pssst, I recommend the last one :) )
 * And what you've already mentioned&mdash;Expansion!:D (ie. Freedon Nadd's reign, The Third Great Schism, The Great Hyperspace War [Needs to be expanded to give background], The Great Sith War [Huge, and I would say pivotal, event in Jedi history...expand please , likewise the Clone Wars needs some too, the Great Jedi Purge was a major event which witnessed a lot more then what is currently presented.
 * And once those sections have been expanded, that creates a lot more room for pictures! And, I'll let you in on something, Inq Eyrezer loooves quality pictures. :P
 * The See also section, I think, should be cut down a bit...only relevant ones should stay. If I were writing the article, then I would keep Jedi, The Force, Jedi Code (though, this should be covered in the article already), and the New Jedi Order.

Anyways, from what I can see, those are the most glaring and potent points that I have to offer. As you guys continue with editing/expanding, let me know along the way, and I'll continue to proofread it for you. If you or Jedimca0 have any questions about any of this, or anything else, you know where you can reach me. Cheers, Greyman ( Paratus ) 01:22, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

Discusion/Comments
Feel free to discuss the necessary changes here. --Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 11:50, 21 July 2007 (UTC)