Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Castin Donn


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Castin Donn

 * Nominated by: ToRsO bOy 18:30, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First FA. And the first Wraith on my list.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:23, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good show. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 20:31, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) And shot him in the throat. --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:31, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 06:01, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 00:50, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:32, October 11, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * Last paragraph in Raids on Halmad is unsourced.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * You don't need to add periods on your quote attributions.
 * 5) **Noted. Fixed.
 * 6) * "Castin Donn was a Human male from Coruscant who was as a member of the New Republic commando group Wraith Squadron." Was as?
 * 7) **Fixed. I must have been really tired to miss that.
 * 8) * "Donn was brought in to replace the Wraith's former slicer, Eurrsk Thri'ag. Donn joined the Wraiths sometime in late 7 ABY during the New Republic's campaign against Warlord Zsinj." These sentences should be merged together, since they're both about Donn joining the Wraiths.
 * 9) **Fixed.
 * 10) * "It was just one of the many blemishes on his service record." Any info on any of the others?
 * 11) **Added.
 * 12) * Mention in the bio that he joins in 7 ABY.
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) * Add some context on Wraith Squadron's campaigns against Zsinj.
 * 15) **Added.
 * 16) * Quote in Raids on Halmad sections looks to be incomplete.
 * 17) **Added.
 * 18) * " When the Wraith's cover was blown, Donn was responsible for providing an escape distraction" How was the Wraiths' cover blown?
 * 19) **Added.
 * 20) *I see you use the word "forge" a lot. Vary it up.
 * 21) **Changed.
 * 22) * Give info on the Wraiths' mission in Raids on Halmad where Castin was left behind on Hawk-bat base.
 * 23) **Added.
 * 24) * "Donn freed the experimented Talz Zsinj's scientists were working on before making his escape." Experimented? Reword.
 * 25) **Done.
 * 26) * Give info on Ton Phanan's death.
 * 27) **Added.
 * 28) *Is Hohass Ekwesh's nickname really necessary?
 * 29) **Removed.
 * 30) * "Donn was also a capable pilot, managing to earn a high enough score to qualify for Antilles's squadron. Though he sorely lacked experience as shown by Antilles's decision to assign him as Wraith Two."Merge these sentences together.
 * 31) **Done.
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:33, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Thanks for the review, I'll get back on the other two objections.--ToRsO bOy 07:06, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Addressed all points.--ToRsO bOy 21:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 36) * Might be a good idea to mention his xenophobia a little earlier in the bio.
 * 37) **Added.
 * 38) * IIRC, the Wraiths weren't told to form a pirate group. They came up with that idea on their own. Please clarify.
 * 39) **Yes but Ackbar was the one who gave the go signal. Anyway, revised. I dunno where I got the High Command from. lol
 * 40) * More context on Antilles on first mention, i.e specify he's Wraith Leader.
 * 41) **Added.
 * 42) * Contextify and link Loran on first mention.
 * 43) **Done.
 * 44) * I believe Allston refers to it as "Narra," not "the Narra." Please check and rectify if that's the case.
 * 45) **It's Narra. Fixed.
 * 46) * Correct grammar needed for the section titles; I see missing italics and improper capitalization.
 * 47) **Fixed.
 * 48) * Might be good to point out that Barderia was bound for Halmad, else the bit about return journey makes little sense.
 * 49) **Added.
 * 50) * " promise to never do anything on his own" I don't think that was exactly what Loran made him promise.
 * 51) **Do or do not, there is no try. :D It was try, not do. Changed.
 * 52) * You mention that Phanan died on Halmad way after the fact. Either remove the mention or talk about it when it happened.
 * 53) **Added it on the end part of the Raids on Halmad section.
 * 54) * " nearly killed herself if not for the intervention of Loran." Kinda sticky wording
 * 55) **Fixed.
 * 56) * You refer to Ekwesh as "Runt" without having established him as such. The preferred usage is the surname anyway, not the nickname.
 * 57) **Fixed.
 * 58) * " Donn exhibited traits typical of to his profession." Kinda sticky wording.
 * 59) **Removed the "of".
 * ", and a fistfight with a Sullustan navigator. " Seems like this could flow better.
 * 1) **Fixed.
 * 2) * P&T should mention his motivations for joining the New Republic.
 * 3) **It doesn't say exactly why he joined the New Republic, though I added his reasons for joinng the Wraiths.
 * 4) * Is it Victory Base or Victory base? I think it's the former; check your talents and abilities section.
 * 5) **Changed.
 * 6) *Note: I could have fixed some of these myself, but some lessons are better learned first-hand as part of getting used to the FAN process. ;-)
 * 7) **But of course, I would expect nothing less. Much thanks for the review.--ToRsO bOy 21:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:10, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Harrar
 * 10) * "Shortly after escaping from Zsinj's ambush, Donn received a message from Zsinj through one of the forged accounts he sliced into Halmad's planetary defense satellite network." I don't understand the second half of this.
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * "and Donn was excluded due to his criminal record on Coruscant, one that Donn tried to erase illegally but to no avail." When does he try to erase the record? If it happens before Antilles' envoy selection process then you should include it earlier in the first section of the bio, for chronology's sake.
 * 13) **Added info on first part of bio.
 * 14) * "Unable to contain his frustration, Donn reacted to Antilles's rejection with a rude outburst." Rude is POV, even if it is clearly meant to be read as rude.
 * 15) **Reworded.
 * 16) * "While the envoy team was having dinner with Zsinj, the warlord was informed of the captured saboteur [...] Passik further noted that the way the stormtroopers carried Donn's body suggested that they were hauling a dead body, not a person liable to wake up." &mdash; big problem with this whole paragraph here, TB. You're relating events as they are told to us in the novel, but this is Donn's biography. Instead, you need to infer what happens behind the scenes. I.e. Castin is killed by shots to the chest and his body is taken and fitted with a prosthetic chest. It's then taken before the envoy party as a test, but Passik guesses at the deception and shoot's Castin's corpse, allowing the envoy team to leave. See what I mean?
 * 17) **I understand, but the problem is the novel didn't state whether or not Donn was already dead when he was hauled to the dinner. All we have is Dia's speculation at best, and Zsinj didn't even confirm that Donn was indeed dead already. I wasn't sure if it'll be okay treading through speculation. Anyway, I changed it. Tell me if its better than the previous one.
 * 18) ***No no, this is much better. If Allston wanted us to consider whether Donn had actually been alive I think he would have made more of a deal with the ambiguity&mdash;the scene's more about Dia I think. Plus the line Passik says about a new chestplate being fitted "to replace the one that was burned through when he was killed" does suggest he was finished off by shots to the chest which were subsequently concealed.
 * 19) * Is there a better quotation for the Legacy section which deals with Donn's more valuable legacy of the destruction of the Iron Fist? I can deal with the Passik quotation but I feel Donn's importance to the war effort overall is more important historically.
 * 20) **Changed.
 * 21) *Nice stuff dude, great for your first effort. Watch out for split infinitives such as "to never try". Also, you placed a semi-colon before "while" twice, which I don't think is proper usage. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 17:23, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **I appreciate the comments, as well as the review. =)--ToRsO bOy 22:40, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Fiolli:
 * 24) * Could the dates to the succession box for Ackbar and Notsil be added? Of course, as you know, these would need to be sourced as well. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:27, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Sorry but I'm not sure I understand, do you mean the 7.5 ABY in the middle? It already has a source. I compared it with another FA, Wes Janson, and I can't see any difference. If I missed something, feel free to correct me.ToRsO bOy 01:29, September 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ***There are two blank fields in the succession box template: before-years and after-years. These should have dates and, of course, sources for them. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:12, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Gotcha. Added.--ToRsO bOy 01:27, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 29) * The bit in P&T about "resembling someone who left his spine somewhere else" doesn't sound very encyclopedic. If it's another character's opinion, then attribute it to them, otherwise reword it.
 * 30) **Reworded.
 * 31) * Another image would help to break it up a little. If there's nothing even vaguely relevant then don't worry about this one. Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:25, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) **There's a new pic of Wraith Squadron but only the pioneers are in it so I didn't bother including it. ToRsO bOy 16:52, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

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