Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 6) Per AgriCorps consensus, nominators are restricted to four nominations on the GAN page at any one time. Once one nomination is removed from the page as either successful or unsuccessful, another can be added.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once a nomination has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;two of which must be AgriCorps votes&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of five AgriCorps votes with no outstanding objections before one week has passed, the nomination will be considered successful.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 2 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Saadoon-Kauldi

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:51, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: "I told you I didn't want any new Hutt crimelord for this RPG book, but that doesn't mean you are entitled to use your AD&D knowledge and create a dragon crimelord"

(2 ACs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 05:03, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:34, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Where's the intro...=P  Xd1358  Talk 13:46, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *The dragon ate it :P Seriously: Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:14, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) The Grand Master's First Look
 * 4) * The bio is extremely unwieldy; for its length it could use subsections, and, once again, why are there so many small paragraphs?
 * 5) **Tried to change bio and to mix paragraphs. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) * I'm seeing a lot of underlinking.
 * 7) **More links added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ***This remains. I'm still seeing quite a bit of underlinking, but you've now got some overlinking as well, and you've also linked to several redirects. Please try to clean these up.
 * 9) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Once again; this remains, albeit to a lesser extent. Please please please check and double-check all of your linking. You've been nominating articles for a while now, and this isn't something that I should have to reiterate. Also, was his criminal empire significant enough to deserve its own article; and why is there no article for his massacre on the slaver galleon?
 * 11) ******Tried my best. Created articles on skirmishes and his empire, even if I don't think they're significant at all. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:01, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *******Partially better, but you've still got VERY messy linking. Things should be linked once in the intro, once in the body, and (if applicable) once in the infobox. Things should only be pipelinked if necessary (i.e. officers, not officers ) and if pipelinking, make sure the first letter is capitalized (i.e. butchered the slavers, not butchered the slavers ). Also, try to avoid pipelinking to more than just a small phrase (i.e. this: dedicate all of his resources to the abduction of slaver ships is rather eccentric; it could very easily be worded differently so that the link only covers a few words). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:20, February 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ********Done all that. I admit, I didn't know some of those. Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:39, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *********Much better. I'll give the article another review soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:36, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Details have not been revealed" sounds awfully OR/speculative & OOU.
 * 16) **Details were not revealed IU; only rumors. Anyway, changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ***This still doesn't make sense. I'm not even sure that such an "unconfirmed rumor" belongs in an article.
 * 18) ****Removed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) * Also seeing some grammatical errors.
 * 20) **Hope some less now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Better, but still seeing several errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:14, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *****Much better. Still seeing a few minor errors, but most fall under so I'll strike for now and hopefully find the time to give this another full review and copyedit sometime soon.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:41, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * "and became a spice lord and a crimelord, strangely basing his power&hellip;" Strangely is way too POV.
 * 25) **Changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) *More to come. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:40, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) The Grand Master II
 * 28) * The P&T is exceptionally extensive. It needs to be cut down some.
 * 29) **Rearranged with info included in bio if possible, to avoid missing anything important. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * "intelligent, shrewd, stealthy and cultured" Does the source explicitly state these?
 * 31) **I used synonyms; he's described as: (a being of) devious cunning (=Shrewd), (with) intellectual stealth (=Intelligent + cultured + stealthy), and his RPG stats show him as a cultured person.
 * 32) ***Okay for everything except stealthy. Right now you make it sound like he was good at sneaking around, which is not what "intellectual stealth" means. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ****'Stealthy' gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 22:31, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said?" Is it known whether he actually did or not?
 * 35) **Not changed: OS says it as an unconfirmed rumor. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * "and sometimes admired as if he were a member of the Royalty." "The Royalty?" Whose royalty? There were lots of royalties in the galaxy.
 * 37) **Changed, but OS does not specify. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * "This person had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies." Who do you mean, "this person"? Kauldi or a Hutt? (Either way, "person" does not work here)
 * 39) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * "He believed in respecting the people he dealt with, even if he was in superiority of conditions." This is rather confusing. What exactly do you mean?
 * 41) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * "This gave him several satisfactions, such as the Socorran Navy offering to send their ships should he ever needed his help." How is that a "satisfaction?" Wouldn't that be more of a favor?
 * 43) **Removed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ***"This gave him several satisfactions." What do you mean? What satisfactions does this give him? It was more of the "satisfaction" that was awkwardly worded/confusing then the Navy's offer. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *****Yes, but the wording is still rather awkward. I would suggest using something other than "satisfactions;" also, does the source say "unexpected?" If not, it is OR and even somewhat POVish. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ******Anything approaching OR or POV removed, including "satisfaction". Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *******Now you've just contradicted yourself. Saying "deference was essential to his professional activities" is the opposite of what you just said: that he had no need to treat the people he dealt with with respect. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:29, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ********Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:11, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) * Does the source actually state he became "paranoid"?
 * 51) **(...) have left the crime lord more than a little paranoid. Not changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Increasingly big and more restless, Saadoon-Kauldi wanted some permanent roots as of 0 ABY." What exactly do you mean, he "wanted some permanent roots?"
 * 53) **Stability. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***It's not very clear what you mean by "stability". Stability of growth? Of living? Monetary stability? etc. Please clarify. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Try now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali and disappear inside some cave." Do you literally mean that he would "disappear?" Either way, is this sentence really significant to the P&T?
 * 57) **Sentence changed; keep bc it tells about Saadoon's mid-term goals. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * The timeline of events in the bio is very murky because you give absolutely no dates. Even if exact BBY/ABY dates aren't always known, could you at least give some relative dating throughout the article (i.e. "shortly after the outbreak of the Galactic Civil War"; "at some point prior to the Galactic Civil War"; "shortly after the destruction of the Death Star"; "around the time of&hellip" etc.)?
 * 59) **Added one date. OS is probably murky on purpose to give freedom to RPG gamemasters. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * Does the source state that the Kadri'Ra were "dragon-like"?
 * 61) **Not changed: OS compares them with the Star Dragons. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:25, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) The Grand Master III
 * 64) * Could you use something less colloquial than "up-and-comer"?
 * 65) **Done.
 * 66) * "increasing the Kadri'Ra's influence and range." Increasing his range in what?
 * 67) **Better?
 * 68) * "hired all the staff he could need, including smugglers;" First off, this doesn't fit in grammatically where you currently have it. Second, does the source say he hired "all the staff he could need?" It sounds rather hyperbolic to me.
 * 69) **Better?
 * 70) * "Saadoon-Kauldi became a prominent crime lord and reduced his public appearances." What exactly do you mean by public appearances?
 * 71) **Better?
 * 72) * "A chance to change airs" What exactly do you mean "change airs?"
 * 73) **Better?
 * 74) ***A chance to move where? This doesn't make sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****Better?--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) *****I'll strike for now, but this is really an unnecessarily lenthy heading. Try to keep it simple and accurate pertaining to the info in the section. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) * "The Empire also began to actively attempt to enslave Saadoon-Kauldi again." When did they enslave him the first time?
 * 78) **Kauldi had been a slave, but OS doesn't specify whether an Imperial slave or not. Reworded to convey that meaning. Better?
 * 79) * "began asking the Kadri'Ra for advice in his venture to expand criminal influence outside Socorro." Who does "his" refer to? Saadoon-Kauldi or Abdi-Badawzi? Also, is Abdi-Badawzi related to the Badawzis that freed Saadoon-Kauldi?
 * 80) **Changed.
 * 81) * "and discovered the Kadri'Ra's worries." What worries specifically? Why is it important that he discovered them? Did he do anything about them?
 * 82) **Better?
 * 83) * "Saadoon-Kauldi then allied with Abdi-Badawzi" You mean he hadn't already? The previous paragraph concerning them made it sound like he had: "Abdi-Badawzi added Saadoon-Kauldi to his contact network."
 * 84) **Better?
 * 85) * "Abdi-Badawzi had sent Swain to sell Saadoon-Kauldi the ship precisely for that reason: The Twi'lek wanted an important, nearby ally supporting him, because he would then obtain greater influence and could expand the borders of his criminal empire to areas where Saadoon-Kauldi could protect him." Please mention this earlier, when you introduce Swain and the ship to begin with.
 * 86) **Better?
 * 87) ***Okay, but we're still missing out on the reason Abdi-Badawzi sent Swain to sell Kauldi the ship&mdash;that he wanted Kauldi nearby. Please reorder so that this is clear. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * Is there an article for the Socorran Navy? If not, please create and link.
 * 90) **Done.
 * 91) * "As Saadoon-Kauldi became a public figure in the Socorran system, several rumors about him appeared. People said that Saadoon-Kauldi had been kidnapped from Arapia and transported as a slave, something that made him sympathetic to Socorran eyes. There were similar rumors about Abdi-Badawzi." This seems rather out of place. Also, why is it important that such rumors were formed about Abdi-Badawzi? And (in-universe) "people" typically refers humans; unless you only mean to refer to humans, please use something like "beings" or "inhabitants of Socorro"
 * 92) **Importance: Added sentence to mention that Socorrans knew him. Abdi rumors: Rmvd. People: Changed by locals.
 * 93) * Why is there so much information on Ethra Brewery in the 4th paragraph of the "Life in Socorro" section? How is this information relevant to Saadoon-Kauldi's article?
 * 94) **Rmvd.
 * 95) * "When talking to others, Saadoon-Kauldi used his native Kadri'Ra language and required a translator, commonly his indentured servant Guzald." This is very randomly placed, and does not follow the previous sentence or even the section in which it is placed at all. Why not just put this in the P&T?
 * 96) **Rmvd, as it's already in P&T
 * 97) * Random placement for this paragraph as well; it simply does not follow the previous paragraphs: "Saadoon-Kauldi was respected among criminals, and sometimes admired as if he were a King. The Hutts, who were as long-lived as the Kadri'Ra, were known to have good opinion of Saadoon-Kauldi. Saadoon-Kauldi had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies."
 * 98) **Moved to P&T. Better?
 * 99) * Could the last section of the bio be broken up into two sections perhaps? It is far longer than any of the previous sections.
 * 100) **Better?
 * 101) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali, enter some cave and vanish from public view." How is this relevant?
 * 102) **Rmvd.
 * 103) * "nineteen-year-old promise of piracy" What do you mean "promise of piracy?"
 * 104) **Changed.
 * 105) * Final paragraph of the bio: "unfortunately" is POV.
 * 106) **Rmvd.
 * 107) * "The Black Bha'lir jumped to help these people, as they were members of the Bha'lir." "Jumped" is colloquial.
 * 108) **Changed.
 * 109) *Will continue with the P&T once these are taken care of. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 02:19, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) **Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:49, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) The Grand Master Continues
 * 112) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said to?" We're not interested in what others "said." Did he or didn't he?
 * 113) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * "Many Corellian smugglers living in Socorro wanted to work for him." Any reason why?
 * 115) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) * Why do you wait until the P&T to say that he was Force-sensitive? Also, was he aware of this? Is there any particular reason he was untrained? i.e. did he not desire to be trained? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) **Not changed: OS only mentions his F-sensitiveness in RPG stats, not specifying whether he was aware of it or not. Anything beyond untrained F-sensitive would be OR. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Okay, but if it just says that he was Force-sensitive, wouldn't adding that he was untrained also be OR? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) ****No, but added a footnote explaining it. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:50, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) * Why did you add "once" here? "He had low technical abilities and was a sub-par pilot.once." Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **Uh? How did it get there? Gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:27, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * What is Saadoon-Kauldi (organization)? Is this meant to be the same thing as Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire? if not, please link it at appropriate places in the article. If it is, then please check the title (is the organization really also called "Saadoon-Kauldi?") and merge the articles and CSD one of them.
 * 123) **The text consistently says "Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire"; S-K is the person. I say, delete Saadoon-Kauldi (organization) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) ***Please make sure all information is merged; the organization page currently says that its criminal dealings included loansharking and credit laundering, which you do not mention in the criminal empire page or on Saadoon-Kauldi's page. Please verify this, and if it is true, please add it to those two pages. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:21, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) * The intro is missing plenty of important info from the bio (i.e. barely any mention of his alliance with Abdi-Badawzi, which receives prominent mentions throughout the bio, nor any mention of his support of the Rebel Alliance, etc.) Please make certain that all appropriate topics are covered in the intro
 * 127) **Better?
 * 128) ***Actually, that's a bit too much. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 129) ****Lol! Let's try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) *****This is more reasonably sized, but you still leave out plenty of information that is dominant in the bio. i.e. you don't mention the Merkel, you give no indication as to why he moved to the Socorro system, nor do you give any mention of Paulsen and co, who dominate the whole two final paragraphs of the bio; etc. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:50, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 131) ******Merkel, explicitly checked. Reasons to move to Socorro, already present. Mentions to Paulsen and other allies, checked. Intro not excessively long overall, checked. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:36, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) *******A couple things; first, by reasons to move to Socorro, I meant that it was mainly because of Abdi-Badawzi (again, this receives prominent attention in the bio, but no mention in the intro); second, in the intro, you say that Saadoon-Kauldi offered to lodge Paulsen and his allies, whereas in the body you say he only offered to lodge Ross and and Ransom. Which is correct? Also, please create an article for Izzat, now that the redlink is in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:30, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 133) ********Abdi: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 134) ********Who was lodged: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 135) ********Izzat: Stubbed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 136) * "He believed his followers would remember that gesture." Is there any further significance to this? During my copy-edit, I considered adding: "&hellip;gesture and would thus show him more loyalty." or something similar; however, as I am unfamiliar with the material, I didn't, in case the source said otherwise. If the source confirms this or gives any reason why he cared that they would remember the gesture, please add something of the like.
 * 137) **Not significant enough. Rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) * "The Twi'lek then discovered that Saadoon-Kauldi was worried about the Empire's attempts against the Kadri'Ra's freedom and decided to take measures." Decided to take measures to do what?
 * 139) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 140) ***"hopefully gaining him as a friend." Did you mean "hoping to gain him as a friend?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 141) ****Yes, Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 142) * "other unwanted situations" "Unwanted" is possibly POV. Also, like what? What other types of situations?
 * 143) **Changed. Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 144) * How was the Galactic Empire "directly responsible of the dwindling number of Kadri'Ra in Arapia?
 * 145) **OS doesn't say anything more on that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 146) * In the first paragraph of the "Tensions with the Galactic Empire" section, you say that he joined the Rebel Alliance "around this time," with around this time referring to the previously-stated date of circa 10 BBY. However, the Alliance wasn't formed until 2 BBY. Please adjust the date accordingly (i.e. say something along the lines of "sometime after 2 BBY"). But remember to source this to a source that states when the Alliance was formed.
 * 147) **Added - but he still discovered the Imperial-caused holocaust in 10 BBY per Black Sands. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 148) * "pirate Drake Paulsen lost his father and mentor Kaine Paulsen" Do you mean Kaine Paulsen died? If so, please state so explicitly, and maybe even give a bit of context as to how he died.
 * 149) **Enough? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 150) ***Yes, but you've changed the meaninng. Now you say that Drake was murdered. Which is correct? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 151) ****Name shift! Shifted again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 152) * How was Izzat "treacherous?"
 * 153) **OS doesn't specify, but rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 154) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:24, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 155) * In the intro you currently say that he moved to the Socorro system, and then became allied with Abdi-Badawzi, but this conflicts the chronology presented in the bio. Please check which is correct.
 * 156) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 157) * You have 3 conflicing statements. In the intro you say that the Empire was acting against the Kadri'Ra, and was trying to destroy the Kadri'Ra culture; in the bio you only say that they were responsible for the dwindling number of Kadri-Ra (you don't even imply whether the Empire is intending to be responsible for this or not); and in the P/T you say the Empire was specifically trying to wipe out the Kadri'Ra language.
 * 158) **Changed: Both intro and bio mention Empire against culture and after Arapia holocaust. P/T does not mention the later, because it is not relevant in that section, I think. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 159) ***"Discreting" isn't a word. Also, now you say that they promoted the holocaust of the Kadri'Ra, which changes the meaning of what you had previously stated. Before, you said that they were responsible for it, but nothing more was specified, now what you say implies that the Empire actually sponsored some other faction to eradicate the Kadri'Ra. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 160) ****"Discreting" typo fixed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 161) ****The Empire "sponsoring a holocaust" and "promoted the decimation"; used as synonyms as per Thesaurus. Empire is "responsible of several activities against the K'R", including sponsoring their holocaust and actively discrediting their culture. I think the current text is consistent in that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 162) *****Yes they're synonyms, but that doesn't mean they can always be used interchangeably. To say that they "sponsored a holocaust" means that they supplied funds or otherwise endorsed the eradication of the Kadri'Ra, but did not actually directly eradicate the species themselves. To say that they "promoted the decimation" of the Kadri'Ra means that the Empire in some way&mdash;either by funds, propaganda, using their own military forces, or in any other possible way&mdash;advocated the destruction of the Kadri'Ra. And you've already said in response to an earlier objection that the source gives no more information on how the Empire opposed the Kadri'Ra, so to say specifically that they "sponsored it" would be OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:33, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 163) ******In my previous response I meant beyond that. OS p88: "[Kauldi] deeply grieves the holocaust sponsored by the Empire that is consuming his species", but nothing more. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:34, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 164) *******Then you were incorrect in response to my objection, which asked for any more information on their opposition of the Kadri'Ra: you said the OS gave no further information. Please be more careful in your responses in the future. Either way, I still don't see how this indicates that the Empire was specifically targeting the Kadri'Ra culture as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:32, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 165) ********References to "culture" removed; Empire only goes after language after "The language of the Kadri'Ra has been long forgotten as the 'indigent dialect of an intellectually inferior species' (at least according to the Imperials writing the textbooks).". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:40, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 166) * In the intro you call Saylor Marjan a "local criminal," but this is unspecified in the bio. Remember, there should be nothing in the intro that is not covered in the article body.
 * 167) **No longer applies. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 168) * Why does Marjan in particular receive mention in the intro? Is he really that important? In the bio, he seems no more important than Ancher or Oxsor.
 * 169) **Marjan removed from intro. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 170) * "but several other underworld factions did the same, including Abdi-Badawzi, Jabba Desilijic Tiure's criminal empire, and Black Sun." Here you name two factions and one being. Please try to be consistent. Was Abdi-Badawzi his own faction, by himself? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:07, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 171) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 172) Time to get this moving
 * 173) * Please try to make your paragraph size more uniformly larger. While this is purely aesthetic, having a ton of two- or three-sentence paragraphs throughout the article is not very appealing.
 * 174) **Have a look at the new distribution. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 175) * "and once those slaves had become his most powerful ally in sheer numbers": plurality isn't matching up here; please clarify.
 * 176) ** Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 177) * "Life in Socorro": this implies that he lived in the planet. Please clarify.
 * 178) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 179) * "Saadoon-Kauldi contacted with another local criminal group": this isn't an existing English idiom, and I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say. Do you mean that he made contact with another group?
 * 180) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 181) ***As a note for future reference, it's "made contact with", not "made contacted with." That simply doesn't work.  CC7567  (talk) 08:20, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 182) ****D'oh! Typo. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:32, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 183) *As a note (not an objection), "allied" is a transitive verb and therefore needs a direct object; saying that "he allied with" is not grammatically correct, while "he allied himself with" is. Please try to keep this in mind in the future.
 * 184) **Checked; apparently you got all the instances of this, ty. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 185) * "Understanding the burden of his people": how so? This doesn't quite seem to be the right word choice; if you're talking about the species' hardships, that might be better to use.
 * 186) **Better?
 * 187) * Can his Force-sensitivity be mentioned in the intro and body? Making it exclusive to the P&T isn't the right way to go here; it's relevant to the rest of the article too.
 * 188) **Mentioned. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 189) ***Please do so in the body somewhere as well. It's best to be consistent and not leave information like this in only certain parts of the article.  CC7567  (talk) 08:20, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 190) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:32, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 191) * Is it "crime lord" or "crimelord"? Please be consistent throughout the article.
 * 192) **The article is crime lord, but for some reason the category is Crimelords. Text changed to crime lords. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 193) *Fairly clean otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 01:23, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added GAnom template.-- RC 1138 Republic Emblem.svg hate bugs! 23:44, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Lens Reekeene

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Rebel General to be used as a NPC in a RPG Campaign, and part of my own mini-project. Currently 1200 words, probably I'll try for a FAN later.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Context on "Flankers"
 * 3) **Added; OS says little about that.
 * 4) * In the intro, you vaguely explained how he became a prison of the Empire, but in the bio, it's not even mentioned. "Sartran was disbanded by the Galactic Empire and the mercenaries employed by the company were imprisoned under false charges of conspiracy. While in prison," The jump from "being disbanded by the Empire" to being in prison is rough.
 * 5) **Better?
 * 6) * "While in prison, Lens met engineer Mikka Reekeene, also a former employee of Sartran. Lens and Mikka Reekeene got married in jail." This sounds like Mikka was also in prison for whatever reason. Was he an engineer in prison or a worker in that prison?
 * 7) **You are right. Better?
 * 8) * Try to add subsections within the bio. It will be more, concisely organized and well formatted.
 * 9) **Better?
 * 10) ***Much; also, is their any relevant quotes? If not, then it's fine.
 * 11) * If Lens was free in 11 BBY, how could she have joined the Rebellion? It wasn't established until 2 BBY.
 * 12) **Right. Typo in my notes, corrected: She was released in 3 BBY and soon after that (apparently some months), she joined the Rebellion.
 * 13) *More to come. Also, please watch your linking. I'll look through the article once more.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:32, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **More linking, and thank you for your review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:01, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) * Seeing some grammar issues throughout the article. This is getting old.
 * 17) **Try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:34, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Better, but still seeing several mistakes; a couple examples: "Circa 0 ABY, Reekeene also led the Roughnecks in "Operation Retribution," which simultaneously damaged assets of the Empire, while the Alliance suffered the minimum damage." "Also around this time, General Reekeene joined her husband, Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro onboard their mobile headquarters&hellip" (<--comma usage; this currently grammatically implies that Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro were Reekeene's husband.) Also, please see my note below on the linking; it applies here as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Might be better. I hope I could find every one. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *****You only fixed the one example I left on your talk page. Some wording issues remain. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ******General overwrite and complete copy-edit, even if those things rarely work. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * Why is there a birth date given in the infobox but not in the intro and bio?
 * 23) **Added.
 * 24) * Why is there no dating of events in the intro?
 * 25) **Added.
 * 26) * "an Irregular group of Rebel soldiers." This makes it sound as if the soldiers themselves were irregular, i.e. they were strange beings. Please reword so that you actually say what an "Irregular" means in this case.
 * 27) **Changed.
 * 28) * Why is the quote given outside of any section? Currently, the section which you have the quote has no prose. Please move it.
 * 29) **Changed.
 * 30) * Does the OS say why Sartran was disbanded, or why the mercs were imprisoned under false charges?
 * 31) **Added.
 * 32) * "Later, Mikka Reekeene was released from jail, because of a management mistake." This grammatically says that it was a mistake for him to be released. Is that true?
 * 33) **Yes. Reworded.
 * 34) * "and her less political husband followed her." What exactly do you mean by "less political," and by "followed her" do you mean that he, too, joined the Alliance? This isn't very clear.
 * 35) **Changed.
 * 36) * 2nd paragraph of "origins" section needs to be reworded more to follow Lens' POV. The first couple sentences sound like the article's suddenly switched to one about Mikka.
 * 37) **Changed.
 * 38) * Page for the local moff? If there is none, please create and link.
 * 39) **Added.
 * 40) * Page for Green Squad's mission to Abonshee?
 * 41) **Stubbed.
 * 42) ***Quick question&mdash;was the mission successful, or is this known? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * "None of the other officers objected anything to her." This doesn't make snese.
 * 45) **Removed.
 * 46) * Linking mistakes throughout. Please make sure not only that everything is linked, but also that everything is linked cleanly and properly.
 * 47) **I think I've found what you mean. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:27, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Still seeing some mistakes, inlcuding instances of underlinking. (Another hint for proper linking: refuelling is incorrect) Remember, when possible, please try to link things in the article if you can, as opposed to linking them in quotes; for instance, I'm sure you can work at least Alliance Intelligence and Godking into the article prose, even if you just pipelink. Also why do you have "limit of missions" linked to the page "23rd?" This makes absolutely no sense, especially sense you just got done saying that the limit of missions was 20. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Underlinking: Try.
 * 50) *****You have not added any links other than the ones that were in the quotes. This remains. Again&mdash;normally this would fall under "sofixit," but the fact of the matter is, this is a consistent problem with your noms; please take the time to correct it. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) ******Again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) *******You've only fixed the two examples I left on your talk page. This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) ********Two more: Commanding officer and Alliance recruitment agent. I can't see anything else missing. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Intel & Godking: Included in the prose.
 * 55) ****23rd: Survivors of 20 missions facing mandatory retirement were only a 23% of the agents, thus the nickname; article created but no change here.
 * 56) * "Fortunately, the Empire was outwitted." POV.
 * 57) **Removed.
 * 58) * "to reach a meeting with the Alliance commanding officers of the sector." What sector? Is this still the Fakir sector?
 * 59) **Yes. Added.
 * 60) * "keep them nervous" Keep who nervous? Also, lots of the wording in the P/T sounds like it may have been taken almost verbatim from the source. I am unfamiliar with the material, but please check and make sure you don't use the same words as the source.
 * 61) **Changed.
 * 62) ***What do you mean by making the Empire "feel unsure about the Roughnecks?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) ****Sorry: Insecure, not unsure. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) *****This still doesn't really make sense; how is she making the Empire "insecure?" Maybe something more along the lines of "she did her best to trouble/pester the Empire," or something of the sort? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:35, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ******Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *******Grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ********Now? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:35, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) * "tell others only what they needed to know." What others?
 * 69) **Changed.
 * 70) * Please check the format of the BTS quote. The source seems to be misformatted.
 * 71) **Changed.
 * 72) * "along with another Campaign" What other campaign? At least pipelink it.
 * 73) **Detailed.
 * 74) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:16, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) **Most done; still looking for the grammar part. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:21, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) One more for now: In the intro you say "Lens Reekeene was a female Human born in 54 BBY.", although it's the same in the first sentence of the bio. Mind rewording it?  JangFett  (Talk) 19:36, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) The Grand Master II
 * 79) * Nothing in the intro that isn't also in the body, please.
 * 80) **Changed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Very stiff, choppy prose throughout the article.
 * 82) **Modified. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ***Better, but for the first paragraph of the intro and the first paragraph of the bio this remains. See my edits to the second paragraph of the bio for an example of how to fix this. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ****Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) *****Much better, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) ******Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) * "The Reekeenes and Lazith'chika were the highest-ranking members of the Roughnecks. They briefed the squads and answered their questions. Once briefed for a mission, a member of the Roughnecks could not speak to anyone except the Reekeenes or Lazith'chika, as a security measure." This seems very randomly placed; it doesn't really follow or lead into the surrounding paragraphs.
 * 88) **Moved. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * In the "Operation Retribution" section, there are some inappropriate uses of "would be." Remember, this is a future-tense phrase, and should only be used when you are explaining the formation of a plan of what is going to happen (like you do here: "The Roughnecks would simultaneously raid several Imperial targets"), and even then you should follow it up with what did happen.
 * 90) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) *I'll continue with my review once you address these. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:45, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) * "Once Retribution was over, Reekeene sent the Long Shot to the planet Iyuta. The Empire had a communication center there and Reekeene wanted a listening device on it. Reekeene had a contact on Iyuta, but the Empire had already found, killed and replaced this person, as a part of a plot to follow the Rebel agents to their headquarters. However, the Empire was outwitted." The content of this is rather ambiguous. It cuts off rather short, leaving the reader confused. How was the Empire outwitted? In what was the Empire outwitted? Did Lens ever get the listening device on the planet? Also, please specify better why it was a big deal that the Empire killed and replaced Lens' contact. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **More detail added, but OS only gives an overview of the adventure; individual Gamemasters are supposed to develop, complete and detail the given outlines. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) ***That's fine, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ****Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Orbital Security Station Six

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:46, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The conclusive, third part of Project Femi; so old I'd completely forgotten about it.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1)  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:30, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Large amount of factual errors brought to light by Trayus. I will have to re-review before I unstrike my vote. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:38, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Make sure everything is past tense.
 * 3) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * In reality, this was just a ruse to allow the Sith fleet to directly attack Coruscant, where, rather than transmit proper clearance codes to the satellite, Orbital Security Station Six was destroyed before the fleet continued assaulting the planet. Reword that last section. Also, the assault didn't "continue" because it has not yet begun. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:15, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **How about now?. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Return of the Sith Empire
 * 7) * "Orbital Security Station Six was the first to encounter the mass of ships" - What do you mean by "mass of ships"? Please be more specific.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) * You need to be more explicit in the intro in regards to how the station was destroyed.
 * 10) **Done.
 * 11) * I would suggest creating and linking an Orbital Security Station article.
 * 12) **And include what? Just because its name has "six" in it doesn't mean its part of a series. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Orbital Security Stations have been referenced in other sources, meaning that it is either a model of station or a specific role. Either option would require that it be mentioned and linked to in your infobox and/or intro.
 * 14) ****I created it and did the latter, mentioning the existence of others in the description. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * I would remove the term "quite bulky" from the Description section. It's unencyclopedic and somewhat POV, given that there's no other ship close enough to it to give an accurate comparison of size and bulk.
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * "The dorsal side of the craft was adorned with two cylinders lined with blue and black viewports." - First, we don't know that that is the dorsal side, second, you shouldn't refer to the station as a "craft," and third, those are never confirmed to be viewports. Perhaps they are just lights, but regardless, we can't specify.
 * 18) **Changed to "surfaces" NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **Whoops. I fixed the "dorsal" part. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:21, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * "There was a way to easily transfer workers aboard the ship on and off-planet as their shifts changed." - pure speculation.
 * 21) **No. Femi says she was looking forward to going home after her shift, therefore there must be a way to get them back to Coruscant. I took out "easily."
 * 22) ***The easy was what I was referring to as speculation. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * In the history you say that Femi was nervous about seeing the Sith fleet and that their arrival was unexpected because they were supposed to be negotiating a peace on Alderaan. This is largely incorrect&mdash;Femi didn't know it was a Sith fleet, and we have no indication of her being nervous as a result of seeing it. She simply claims not to be expecting the vessel, whic could be for a variety of reasons.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * The Great Galactic War had not been going on for a century.
 * 26) **Grr outdated information. Fixed.
 * 27) * Everything past the destruction of the station in the History section is fluff. You can give a brief summary (as in one sentence) of the result of the Sacking, but anything more is too much.
 * 28) **I made it two. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:09, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) **You still have a few issues here and there, I'll give it another review soon. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Grimorg

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:36, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just a bit too short for FA standards.

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- 1358  (Talk) 05:01, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I wonder what you'll do once all these guys are done... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:18, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Great job.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:39, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) —Tommy  9281 21:07, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Imperialles 10:31, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee doesn't know this era
 * 2) * Place of death is missing in the infobox.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Not really an objection but could you take care of the redlink ?
 * 5) **Taken care of.
 * 6) * Is it said how he was slain (Shiak, Sai cha, Sai tok) ?
 * 7) **Nope. The only evidence we have of his death in the source material is that we see his corpse lying on the ground after the fight. We don't see Nomi killing him.
 * 8) *That's all. Good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:49, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Farlstendoiro. Just one, and it's mostly a suggestion
 * 10) * "Stonebone initially refused, forcing Bogga to unleash his hssiss pet" Maybe "prompting Bogga"? I don't think Stonebone forced Bogga to do such a thing.Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:51, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) Blacklist:
 * 13) * There is an article for Finhead Stonebone's organization.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) * You make the "Before the battle of Yavin" distinction in the bio, but not the intro. Please choose to do one or the other.
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * You identify Finhead Stonebone as Bogga's enemy, but I don't remember the source material calling him that.
 * 18) **Eh, addressed.
 * 19) *That's all, not bad. Please be mindful of over/underlinking. —Tommy 9281 00:02, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not an objection, but in the appearances section you have "A Guide to the Star Wars Universe (Third Edition)". Shouldn't it be something like "A Guide to the Star Wars Universe, Third Edition"? -- 1358  (Talk) 05:01, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, it should be. And it's something minor enough that you're encouraged to fix it when you see it in the process of your review. "Sofixit," as the Inqs like to call it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:47, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * I wasn't sure about it, so I decided to ask. And I'm aware of sofixit. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:04, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed now. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:06, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Llerd

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 16:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Look at the article's edit history!

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:54, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:50, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:23, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * The intro currerntly implies that it was due solely to Druur's sabotage that the ship misjumped and traveled through time, which is not true.
 * 3) **This is better, but maybe clarify that they intended to jump into hyperspace, because right now it kind of sounds like they jumped because the Jedi damaged the drive and the bridge. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:02, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ch-ch-check it out! Menkooroo 15:24, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * "When it was discovered that Druur was aboard&hellip;" Aboard what?
 * 6) * The bio is probably big enough to be subsectioned.
 * 7) * Bio: why did Druur board them? Why was he hostile?
 * 8) * Why did Hassin crash his Infiltrator into the Harbinger?
 * 9) * "&hellip;for their wayward Jedi." Please make clear that this refers to Druur.
 * 10) * "Llerd also noticed one of the ship's escape pods" Which ship's? The Harbinger or the Junker?
 * 11) * Why was he ordered to fire on the escape pod?
 * 12) * Why did Rrogon order Llerd not to scan any subspace channels?
 * 13) * "Llerd was eager to see Junker destroyed, and when it jettisoned its cargo into an asteroid, he believed that the Blade starfighters had succeeded." How did this make them believe the Junker had been destroyed?
 * 14) * You say the Flotsam appeared under Harbinger, but as I recall Marr and Relin were using the Junker. Which is correct?
 * 15) * "&hellip;that Druur was aboard the ship" Which ship? Junker or Harbinger?
 * 16) * Please link Mission to the Harbinger somewhere in the bio.
 * 17) * Please note that prose excerpts cannot be used as quotes, unless it is from an IU writing.
 * 18) *Good work. Glad to see somebody else doing a Crosscurrent nom :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:01, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **I've wanted to do Llerd for a couple months, but your Druur nom inspired me to get to it! Thanks for the review. You're right, it was totally Junker, not Flotsam. I've addressed that, and hopefully every other objection above. Menkooroo 14:51, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ***No problem. Just one objection remaining, and I'll give it another look-over. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:02, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Just one more: the main quote could probably be changed, especially since the "Destruction of the Harbinger" quote contains it.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:38, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) *Quotes are pretty sparse for the dude. And there isn't a better leading quote. Sooooo... I jettisoned it from Destruction of the Harbinger. Bam! Menkooroo 15:44, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *Also, "the" Junker is incorrect. Menkooroo 15:46, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) **That's more of a personal preference thing than a technical issue, but just make sure that your usage is consistent throughout the article. I changed it to "the Junker" as opposed to just "Junker" because you tend use "the Harbinger" throughout the article.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:50, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) ***I was going by the wookiee articles, but the book doesn't use "the" for either of them, so I'll jettison the the from Harbinger as well. Menkooroo 15:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Sounds good; just so long as it is consistent within the article :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) I'm sorry, this is real minor, but some small things like this are pet peeves of mine. Can the "barrel-chested" descriptor be removed from the first sentence of the intro? I don't think it's needed there, as it's stated in P&T. Otherwise, seems fine. Also, I probably should have noticed this earlier...you say the book calls it only Harbinger, with no "the?" I added in "the," but it's my mistake, and I'll fix it in the morning.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:45, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) *No worries about the the. I took care of it. On another note, sorry about the rank capitalization --- I remembered the policy, but for some reason I remembered it wrong, thinking that ranks had to be capitalized. My mistake. Barrel-chested zapped! Menkooroo 01:56, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) **Quite all right, and thanks.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:23, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * It's under one thousand!!!! Menkooroo 16:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Are there any other quotes that might fit better as the lead? Perhaps the one from "mission to Phaegon III," or something from the book. However, this isn't an objection, and if you like the current main quote, then that's fine.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:23, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nah, quotes are pretty sparse for the dude. I like "Yes, sir" because it sums up his personality for presumably his entire career in the Sith military, not just his colonelship. Menkooroo 23:52, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Unidentified Aqualish (North Apartments)

 * Nominated by: SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My 8th and 9th GA noms. Hopefully with few errors.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:55, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * Unidentfied should be never used in articles.
 * 3) **Oops. Fixed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Can a article be created for the Sith base ?
 * 5) **They just call it "the base". By that, I assume they mean the Tarisian military base, but since it's not outright stated, it's a vague term. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *That's all from me. I corrected some underlinking, otherwise good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:57, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review. BTW, I know I shouldn't be talking since I missed the link myself, but the correct link to credits is Galactic Credit Standard. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) The Duchess's judgement
 * 9) *In the into, where you say "He hated the Darth Malak's Sith Empire", wouldn't it look better, and be more correct, grammer wise, to say "He hated Darth Malak's Sith Empire"? Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 02:01, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **My mistake. Fixed. Thanks for the review. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:32, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Just one little thing, I'd like to see it mentioned that he told Revan to take the armor in the intro.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  13:24, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Kasra and Tommy for help with sources. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Barel Ovair

 * Nominated by: &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to nom something simple this time. This article is paired pretty closely with Eison Gynt and has only one appearance/source. Looking forward to your comments and objections.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Much improved. An interesting read. I like. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:55, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:27, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Well done&mdash;your handling of objections is impressive. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 23:03, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * You're missing needed information in both the intro and bio. I.e, He was a Human male.
 * 3) **Added human male to description. Not sure what else would be missing, as the timeline was light on biographical information such as place of birth, etc. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***"Human male" was all that was needed.
 * 5) * "As a Jedi Master, Ovair took a promising" "promising" sounds like poi/OR, if anything. Are you sure that he was described as "promising"?
 * 6) **Exact quote from transcript: "widely considered to be the most promising padawan in the order". &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * You say he has taken a Padawan in the bio, but it's not mentioned in the intro. You also mention that he was a spy, and among other things in the intro, although they aren't mentioned in the bio.
 * 8) **Elaborated on actually "taking" a padawan in the intro and not simply having a padawan. Elaborated on why he was spying in the bio and not just that he was a "sith infiltrator". &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Gynt returned several years later" Returned where?
 * 10) **Clarified that he was resurfacing on Coruscant. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) |
 * 11) * When you say that Ovair was "defeated" in both the intro and bio, do you mean that he was killed? Please, clarify.
 * 12) **Clarified that Gynt was killed by Ovair. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) * The improper usage of the "Equipment" section could be merged with the "Power and abilities," sine it only contains a single sentence.
 * 14) **Merged. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Ovair was a Jedi Master from a respected family line of Jedi. He was also a trained Sith infiltrator of the Sith Emperor." These should be mentioned with the bio, rather than the Power and abilities section.
 * 16) **Moved. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) * If he did speak and if he was mentioned by others, then the article needs a P&T.
 * 18) **He did not speak. He was seen only in flashbacks and the events were narrated by Gnost-Dural who did not speculate on his motivations or describe his personality. If I were to attempt to add a P&t section, I would only be able to describe him physically. Should I do so? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ***You can, however, it's optional, as he did not speak.
 * 20) *Please watching your linking. Also, note that "Padawan" should be capitalized.  JangFett  (Talk) 22:46, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **Yes, I saw you make those changes in your copy-edit. I will run through the article again to make sure the linking is correct. Thank you for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) If it is not stated that his master was the Sith Emperor, it shouldn't be in the infobox. Possible more to come.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:07, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *Hmm. Not sure who added that. Thanks for the catch! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:35, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) Soresu
 * 25) * What do you mean when you say his eye colour is brown and yellow?
 * 26) **Some images in the timeline show them as brown, but after Gnost-Dural declares his allegiance to the Sith Empire, they appear orange-yellow. I am assuming this is a portrayal of dark side corruption as seen in Darth Caedus. I have elaborated on this in the infobox. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) * Try to keep paragraph length similar. That first paragraph in the bio looks glaringly out of place.
 * 28) **Good point, combined. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Then one day. This sounds unprofessional. Use something else like "on one of their missions".
 * 30) **It's also kind of a weasle-word phrase. Struck. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) * Bio should probably mention species and gender as well.
 * 32) **Added. Also, "human" is not capitalized, correct? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Actually, no, all sentient species' names are capitalised. I fixed it up. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:55, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Oh! My bad, good to know! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) * Instead of revealing the purpose of the mission to Yavin at the end, as one would in the source, explain his motives as you write of the events, while noting that his Padawan, or whoever, were unaware of them. It's more encyclopedic.
 * 36) **Good advice. Altered the text to be more clear about his dual role throughout the events. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) * Is it known what he's doing in that image? If it's anything of significance it should be in the bio.
 * 38) **Double-checked and confirmed that it was Ovair being debriefed after dueling and slaying Gynt. I modified the language of that section to more closely resemble that of the transcript. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) *Notes on a few things I fixed up. Image and quote captions should have periods at the end if they are full sentences, the galaxy should be linked, and previous ancestors is a little redundant. Overall though, it's well done. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) **Thanks! And thank you for the review! I will address those last two points later tonight. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) **Okay, last two points addressed, thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) From the Trayus Academy:
 * 43) * You should add a wee bit of context for Gynt in the intro.
 * 44) **Added: Ovair took Eison Gynt, a highly skilled Nautolan male Padawan from another line of Knights, as his apprentice, … Also varied "promising" with "talented" between bio and p&t sections. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) * Add in an indicator of the time period in the beginning of the bio.
 * 46) **Mentioned a century before Great Galactic War and then put a hard date on the mission year, deleting the date from later in the paragraph. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ***Good, but I believe it was a century before the end of the Great War, and only like 75 years before the beginning of the war itself. I've changed the clause accordingly, to make it a bit more ambiguous. Feel free to alter it if you would prefer it another way.
 * 48) * You state twice in the bio why Ovair was destroying Sith spirits&mdash;once in the first paragraph and once at the very end of the final paragraph. You'll need to vary or remove one or the other.
 * 49) **Truncated the last sentence to: The historian deduced that Ovair had used Gynt to draw out Sadow's spirit to eliminate it prior to the invasion of the Republic. I want something there to wrap up the paragraph and mention Gnost-Dural's revelation last, but without being too repetitive. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) * I would change "incoherent" to "heavily wounded" as "incoherent and half-insane" are in a way referring to the same condition.
 * 51) **Well, the source text says "wounded and half-insane", and I changed the article text to "incoherent and injured", which I like as synonyms (and for pseudo-alliteration). Will that suffice? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) ***Absolutely.
 * 53) * You need to state that his report on the mission was to the Senate.
 * 54) **Added. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * You'll want to state that the Yavin mission occurred in 3,756 BBY in the first paragraph and remove the mention in the second paragraph.
 * 56) **Already done (see above). &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) *Well done, otherwise. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:25, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thanks for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Eison Gynt

 * Nominated by: &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to nom something simple this time. This article is paired pretty closely with Barel Ovair and has only one appearance/source. Looking forward to your comments and objections.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:44, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:48, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:06, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Same comment as above. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 23:09, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Way too many images. --  1358  (Talk) 19:40, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Cut it down to one image. (Cried a little in my heart, because they're all just so pretty.) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:46, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Missing vital info in the bio, like species and sex. Sentient species, like Nautolan, are always capitalized. I will possibly give the article a full review. --  1358  (Talk) 08:10, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Information in intro expanded. Made sure that "Padawan" and "Nautolan" were always capitalized. Thanks for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Bio has still no info about this. -- 1358  (Talk) 05:00, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Doh! My apologies. I checked the intro and didn't look at the bio! I have added it to the bio. Thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:12, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Date and place of death are missing in the infobox. Possible a full review later.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:05, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *Added place/year (circa) of death according to source. Thanks for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) If he was possessed by Sadow's spirit, the Sith Empire (or at the very least, the Sith in general) should be listed as his affiliation. Also, I believe he warrants a Sith infobox for the same reason.  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:03, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *There's currently a discussion about this on the article's talk page. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:06, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **I'll strike then. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:44, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) ***I have no preference, and will change it to whatever is decided on the talk page. (and thanks for the review!) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) Soresu
 * 14) * Only one from me: Ovair's true allegiance to the Empire was not revealed until years later, when Jedi historian Gnost-Dural researched the events of Gynt's death. and Over a century later, Jedi historian Gnost-Dural questioned why the spirit of Sadow would have sought vengeance against Ovair specifically, and made the connection between Ovair and the Sith. He realized that Ovair and his Jedi ancestors were in fact spies working on behalf of the Sith Emperor. These sentences seem to be more about Ovair than Gynt. It would be good to link Dural's research to Gynt in some way. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:16, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Good thought. I have massaged the text a bit: Ovair's Imperial allegiance and complicity in manipulating Gynt to his death were not revealed until years later, when Jedi historian Gnost-Dural researched the events of Gynt's death. and Over a century later, Jedi historian Gnost-Dural researched the events surrounding Gynt's death. He questioned why the spirit of Sadow, having taken possession of Gynt, would have sought vengeance against Ovair specifically. Gnost-Dural concluded that Ovair and his Jedi ancestors were in fact spies working on behalf of the Sith Emperor; that Ovair had manipulated Gynt to draw out Sadow's spirit. The Emperor had viewed the old Sith Lords as potential threats. Sadow's defeat, and Gynt's death, eliminated one of those threats and made the invasion of the Republic easier during the Great Galactic War.. Hopefully these changes suffice without sounding contrived or changing the meaning of events. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 01:19, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ***The Emperor had viewed the old Sith Lords as potential threats. This sentence is a little short and out of place, and could probably be merged into a nearby sentence. Other than that, it looks good. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:42, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Revised text: The Emperor had viewed the old Sith Lords as potential threats, and Sadow's defeat&mdash;along with Gynt's death&mdash;eliminated one of those threats, which made the invasion of the Republic easier during the Great Galactic War. Hopefully that fixes the issue. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:05, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) The Grand Master
 * 19) * "Gynt was abandoned by Ovair during a mission to Yavin 4; Ovair claimed that he had been killed." I think a bit more context could be used here. To whom/where/when did Ovair claim this? (i.e. even something as simple as "upon returning to Coruscant, Ovair claimed&hellip;''" or something similar)
 * 20) **Context added. The timeline actually showed him reporting to the Galactic Senate. I also added this info to the Bio section. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 04:04, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * No article for their mission to Yavin IV or for their duel?
 * 22) **Not yet. Will add stubs at least. Honestly, I didn't know how to title them. I'll take a stab at it though. Can always be changed. Duel is currently titled Return of Eison Gynt, mission is currently titled Raid of Naga Sadow's Tomb. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 04:04, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Hmmm, the Raid on Sadow's tomb seems fine, but maybe a more apporpraite name for the duel would be something like "Duel on Coruscant (Eison Gynt)"? I think you should at least indicate in the title that it was a duel. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 04:15, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) ****Change made. Updated the link in the article to the new location. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:13, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) * Please mention first in the bio that Gynt had been possessed by Sadow's spirit, and then say that Ovair returned and claimed the Gynt had been killed. Remember, this is Gynt's article, and should follow his point of view more.
 * 26) **Hmm. My concern there is we don't know when Gynt was possessed. It's possible he was abandoned in the temple and was not possessed until later, after his death was reported by Ovair. Thoughts? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:13, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) ***That's fair enough. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:47, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * Do we know for certain that he was possessed via Transfer essence? Could it not have been some other type of Sith power/magic? Unless the source states that it was an essence transfer, then the link needs to be removed.
 * 29) **Nah, I was assuming. Link removed. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:13, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * "&hellip;Ovair had manipulated Gynt to draw out Sadow's spirit." Do you mean during their mission to Yavin IV? If so, please specify.
 * 31) **Clarified. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:13, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) *Overall, very nice work. I made a few linking corrections in my copy-edit; just as a note, be careful with linking in the future. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 00:40, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) **Thanks for the review. I will post again when the rest of the issues have been addressed. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 04:04, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) ***No problem, take your time. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 04:15, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) ****Addressed the rest, thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:13, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * Just a couple more: the intro could be cut down some. It's a tad long for an article of this size.
 * 37) **I've reduced as much as I can think of a way to without removing information added to satisfy other objections. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 18:00, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * "While Gynt's death was considered tragic&hellip;" Does the source say by whom his death was considered tragic? (i.e. the Jedi Order?)
 * 39) **Exact text: After a lengthy recovery, Master Ovair told a tale of the horrors he faced, and of Gynt’s tragic death. Note: This is actually talking about Gynts reported death and now his true death. As this is the case, I simply removed that part of the sentence. (But to answer your question, Gnost-Dural was being melodramatic I guess.) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 18:00, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * Please add quotes to the article; as you can use quotes from Gnost-Dural's narrative.
 * 41) **Quotes directly relating to Gynt are sparse, as it's usually relating to Ovair or to the two of them together. I moved the lead-in quote to the "abilities" section as it was more appropriate there, and led with the quote about Gynt as a promising youth, which I think works better anyway.
 * 42) * Also, watch your wording usage; you say Ovair returned to Coruscant "wounded," "alone," and "half-insane," which is the same wording used in the narrative. Use some synonyms here, and please check for other instances of this throughout the article. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:47, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) **Altered some word usage between article and source transcript to make it more varied. Removed "half-insane" as that's rather distinctive flowery language that doesn't really mean much. Like being "half-cold". &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 18:00, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * Last one (for real, this time) :P Please give his date of death in the bio. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:07, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) **Added it for when he appeared on Coruscant, which was right before the duel and his death (with "circa"). &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 20:13, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) * Okay, so it appears I lied again. This is the last one: since Star Wars: The Old Republic | News, Updates, Developer Blogs - "Peace for the Republic" is being considered a separate source, then the article needs to be sourced. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) **Ugh! You are, unfortunately correct. Well you didn't really lie because Darth Trayus only recently added that. What happens if I go through and find that, while the News post is a source, it doesn't say anything that isn't duplicated in the timeline? Every paragraph just gets a little timeline source marker at the end? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 20:26, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Yes, just source everything to the timeline if that is the case. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:28, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Already not the case, as the year is exclusively from the news post and not from the timeline. I'll see if I can't get this done in both Eison Gynt and Barel Ovair by the end of the day. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Okay, Eison Gynt is all sourced up, however, I had a question. I only used the "News" source when it provided information that only appeared on the News source. When there was overlapping information, I used the "Timeline 7" source, which had a lot more info generally. I assumed that it would be optional to also source the "News" source when it provided overlap. Is this the case? Or do I have to comb through the whole article and provide both sources when info appears in both sources? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 21:03, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) *****That is correct. When info appears in both sources, it's your choice to source it to whichever source you want. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:06, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) Stuff:
 * 53) *Any reason Padawan is not capitalized in the opening quote?
 * 54) **Because I suck at life. The given transcript was all caps and switched it to all lowers and then manual upped to caps where appropriate and just missed this one. Fixed. Also capped "Order" for the "Jedi Order" in that quote. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 21:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) *Can you vary the first two sentences of the intro so it's not the exact same as the quote I just read?
 * 56) **Ah yes, that would be good. Sorry, I just added that quote. I varied it up a bit, substituting "talented" for "promising", which I think is pretty safe. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 21:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) *Otherwise, seems clean.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thanks for the review, and for the copy-edit! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 21:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) The Sith Empire:
 * 60) * In the intro, you should provide some idea of the time period during which he lived, particularly when you say he was the most talented Padawan in the Order, as it currently gives the impression that he was the most talented Padawan to have ever existed. I would suggest something like "By 3,756 BBY, he was considered to be the most talented blah blah blah"
 * 61) **Added "in the years of his youth". Didn't want to put an exact year on it because it would be another "circa 3,756 BBY", which is already being used to mark the date of his death. Varied language between Intro and Bio (bio: "at the time of his selection"). &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:01, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) **Works for me.
 * 63) * Always remember to link to the correct Sith Empire.
 * 64) **Darn. Thought I had that covered. Changed in the intro. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:01, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) * "Ovair's Imperial allegiance and complicity in manipulating Gynt to his death were not revealed until years later..." - This needs a slight rewording, as it's currently a bit choppy. I would suggest removing the "to his death."
 * 66) **I worry if I only remove that bit, the next question would be "manipulated how? manipulated to what end?". I altered it to: Ovair's Imperial allegiance and complicity in Gynt's death were not revealed until years later, when Jedi historian Gnost-Dural researched the events of the mission to Yavin 4 and Gynt's reappearance. Hopefully that makes the sentence flow better without losing meaning.
 * 67) * You use the word "talented" twice in two successive sentences in the beginning of the intro. Substitute one.
 * 68) **Removed the first instance. No reason to talk up how great he was just to do it the next sentence. Was previously "talented/promising", but even that's a little overkill. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:01, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) * You'll want to state that the Yavin mission occurred in 3,756 BBY in the first paragraph and remove the mention in the second paragraph.
 * 70) **Done. I like this much better as it identifies the hard date and means I don't need "circa" when I mention 3,756 BBY. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:01, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) * The final two sentences of the P&A start with almost identical clauses. Vary one of them.
 * 72) **Last sentence changed to: When Gynt resurfaced on Coruscant, the Nautolan was wearing the robes of a Massassi warrior. Those two sentences were originally in a "Equipment" section. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:01, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) *Other than those few things, it looks very well done to me. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:09, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) **Thanks! And thanks for the review! I'll go tackle your objections on Barel Ovair now. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 14:01, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Thirsty Bantha

 * Nominated by: Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eh. --Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support Object Comments
 * 1) After a short IRC review. -- 1358  (Talk) 08:08, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) We should consider creating WookieeProject: Drinking establishments. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:33, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Good read.  JangFett  (Talk) 18:24, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Duchess looks it over
 * 2) *When you say in the into, "lest something bad happen to Thirsty Bantha", what do you mean by that? What bad thing precisely was going to happen? Also, the entire article isn't sourced at all. In the "History" section, 4th paragragh, you say that "who demanded to be served mass amounts of drinks", did you mean "massive amounts of drinks"? Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 23:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **The article only has one source, so does not need to be sourced. --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Per Eyrezer. The game does not specify what bad thing would happen. The usage of mass is perfectly acceptable. --Imperialles 06:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Ah, I didn't know about that particular sourcing rule. Other than that, great job. Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 18:13, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Farlstendoiro in the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantiiiina
 * 7) * "A fifteen day deadline" or "a fifteen-day deadline"?
 * 8) * Underlinking: Credits, Gamorrean, maybe "helper droid" if it is some kind of specific technology.
 * 9) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:54, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **Fifteen-day indeed. Credits is linked to once in the intro, once in the body. Linked to Gamorrean. Helper droid is not a specific technology. --Imperialles 08:04, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Cylka:
 * 12) *fifteen-day deadline to cough up the money - Cough up is a bit colloquial.
 * 13) *Luckily for Robb - Luckily is a bit POV. If he was the one who thought himself lucky, then add that in.
 * 14) *In the Description section, you introduce Nia Adea and the reader isn't sure who she is. It might be better to avoid mentioning her in that section.
 * 15) *Unfortunately for Robb - Same thing, unfortunately is a bit POV.
 * 16) *I think that a little context for Wunda should be included. I'm assuming that he was the local crimelord, since the Hutts usually were. If I'm correct, that would be good to include, just to show that he was important.
 * 17) *After spending the entire day in the cantina, he left without paying. - This sentence regarding Wunda doesn't seem to connect the first part of the paragraph to the rest of the paragraph. Would it be possible to connect it to the next sentence by saying something like, Wunda's drinking binge didn't hurt the Thirsty Bantha's finances or something?
 * 18) *In the intro you mention that the Thirsty Bantha operated around the time of the Galactic Empire, that it was named after the bantha, and that Adea was Human, but not in the main body.
 * 19) *Interesting little cantina you picked to write about. Cylka  -talk- 21:29, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **I believe I have addressed your objections. Have a look. --Imperialles 21:42, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Gektl

 * Nominated by: jSarek 05:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Operation Clever Girl comes back from retirement to bring you Stafuv Rahz's species, a veritable Tiss'shar Lite! Thanks to Havac, Hydro, and Trak, who helped me with the images. jSarek 05:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 09:32, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) By the Staff of Ra, I shall vote! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice! ~ SavageBob 15:46, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:28, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Just from a quick glance, please kill that redlink in the intro. I'll give the article a full review soon.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:18, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *D'oh! Right, "no redlinks in the introduction." Fixed. jSarek 23:40, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Please expand coverage of Bring Me the Children. It is currently only one sentence n the GitG section. Can you also add another sentence on Rahz to the intro? --Eyrezer 04:16, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Both completed. jSarek 09:03, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa:
 * 6) * The intro could use a fair expansion from the four sentences currently afforded to it. A healthy-sized paragraph or two should be enough. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Expanded. jSarek 09:03, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) Farlstendoiro reviews an alien species.
 * 9) * Are Gektl painted eggs really the eggs laid by female Gektls? Or eggs laid by others and painted by Gektls?
 * 10) **Alas, the article is unclear on this point.
 * 11) * If Voren Na'al spells "Gecktl", maybe the species are known both as Gektl and Gecktl?
 * 12) **Good point; added.
 * 13) * "Rahz later died on Harix after a sabotaged weapon Rahz attempts to use to execute captives kills him." Uh, I can't understand what happened, but at least I dislike the present tense in "attempts" and "kills". May you please reword this?
 * 14) **Oy, that was all kinds of bad. Fortunately, it's been addressed as part of Eyrezer's request for more info on that event.
 * 15) * Please create an article on "unidentified Gektl criminal".
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:01, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) **jSarek 09:03, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 20) * Can you mention that their flesh is pale-colored under the scales when they shed it? This judging from the illustration you used. That's all! ~ SavageBob 04:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **Information added. jSarek 04:17, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Jurokk

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:03, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Interesting article (Darth Vader's first Jedi kill). Thanks to Master Jonathan for the pre-nom review and the copy-edit

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Comments
 * 1) Please use proper quote templates. --  1358  (Talk) 18:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *I don't understand your problem. It is a proper quote template.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **I fixed this, Lee. Please watch out for this in the future.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Can't believe someone beat me to him
 * 5) * "In 19 BBY, It was revealed that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine" Be a little bit more specific. The galaxy at large doesn't know he was a Sith.
 * 6) **Clarified.
 * 7) ***Revealed to whom? The first choice would be to say "Windu," but the Jedi Order itself would be more appropriate.
 * 8) ****Fixed.
 * 9) *****I wrote Windu because it is accurate.
 * 10) ******I didn't say it wasn't. The way it is written now, Windu should be used. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) * Link to Operation: Knightfall in the Intro
 * 12) **I don't see where and why
 * 13) ***Jurokk was its first victim so its relevant. Do what you did in the body, move past his death a little and say Vader went inside.
 * 14) ****Added.
 * 15) * Maybe a link to the 501st Legion
 * 16) **Not relevant
 * 17) ***I don't mean put "501st Legion" in the text, pipelink it. And of course its relevant, they were part of the assault.
 * 18) * The P&T starts abruptly, ease into it a little more.
 * 19) **Better ?
 * 20) ***Not really. Begin with something like "Jurokk, a male Jedi, became a Jedi Master..." Just take it a bit slow.
 * 21) ****Better ?
 * 22) *****Passable. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * "Windu trusted Jurokk enough to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of Jurokk." Double "Jurokk"
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) *A little context on his Gate Keeper profession in the BTS P&T (Or somewhere else it is identified), please.
 * 26) **There is not really context on it except the word itself.
 * 27) ***Well, it's the guy who watches the main gate all day. Something like that would contextify it.
 * 28) ****Fixed.
 * 29) *****Maybe you shouldn't mention him being a Jedi Master and Gate Master in the same sentence, break it up. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:34, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) ******Fixed.
 * 31) *****No change. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:11, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) ******Eh first sentence in the bio.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:48, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) *******Definitely in need of a reword. That's a double "and" and the Gate Keeper profession is unconnected to the Gate Keeper profession as it stands. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) ********Fixed.
 * 35) *********The way it's written, Gate Master and that he was tasked with watching the gate are unconnected. Perhaps you should break up saying he was made a Jedi Master and appointed Gate Master into two sentences. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:21, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) **********Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:16, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) *"Although skilled in the Force" The novel doesn't say he was skilled in the Force.
 * 38) **Changed to Force-sensitive which he definetely was. But he had to be skilled in the Force if he reached the rank of a Jedi Master.
 * 39) ***Not neccisarily.
 * 40) ****Unstricken because his "strength in the Force" does not neccisarily make him worthy of being a Jedi Master. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) *****It I look at other GAs there is the same wording so I think it is correct.
 * 42) ******That article doesn't say he was made a Master because he was strong in the Force. It stays appropriately vague, mentioning he had the qualifiications but not exacly what. You don't neccisarily have to be, in a probably too vague word, "powerful" to be a Master.
 * 43) *******Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:15, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * In the BTS, you don't have to ref an OOU statement if the sentence has the source in it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:47, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) **Well, but I like it so. Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) Fett
 * 47) * " In 19 BBY, Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker revealed that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine was secretly the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious." How is this line even relevant to him? Also, revealed to who?
 * 48) **Added and it is important.
 * 49) ***Who tasked them?
 * 50) ****Fixed.
 * 51) *****I see no change.
 * 52) ******Ah my fault. Fixed.
 * 53) * The next two sentences in the intro need clarifying. "asking what happened" Then you say, he saw troops and then he asked "asked what's wrong". Please fix this.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) ***You can merge these sentences together to remove the pbp of it, Lee.
 * 56) ****Merged.
 * 57) * Why do you pipe link the three Jedi Masters in the bio? If anything, the proper use of the mdash would be sufficient.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) * "Jurokk once again asked Skywalker if something was wrong and saw thousands of clone troopers behind Skywalker." "Jurokk again demanded to know what happened." You never mentioned that he asked if something was wrong previously in the bio. Also, please be careful. Specifically the second paragraph of the bio is too pbp.
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) ***This remains.
 * 62) ****Merged some sentences.
 * 63) *****"and once again asked Skywalker if something was wrong." Again, you never mentioned that he asked this to Skywalker before. Also, please check your grammar.
 * 64) ******Better?
 * 65) * "The male Jurokk reached the rank of Jedi Master and was appointed Gate Master." This doesn't belong in the P&T, and rather should deserve a mentioning in the bio.
 * 66) **Well it is something about his force-sensitivity. It should be in a P&A section but there is not enough info for it.
 * 67) ***This remains.
 * 68) ****I hope it is now acceptable for you.
 * 69) *****"Jurokk was strong enough in the Force to reach the rank of a Jedi Master and was appointed Gate Master sometime before 19 BBY" This is too poi and, unless it's mentioned in the novel or can be sourced elsewhere, you cannot say this, as it's speculation. Please reword.
 * 70) ******Reworded.
 * 71) * "Windu trusted Jurokk enough to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of the Gate Master." This is centered on Windu's poi, rather than Jurokk. You're suggesting that Windu trusted him. This isn't his P&T.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) ***"Jurokk was trusted enough by Windu to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of the Gate Master." This can be reworded. It's still saying that Windu trusted him, rather than showing that Jurokk can be trusted.
 * 74) ****Better?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:49, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) *****Please take a look at the changes I have made.
 * 76) *Possibly more to come, Lee.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) **Thanks for the review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:04, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) *Can you mention that Windu tasked him to watch the Gate eariler in the bio?
 * 79) **Eh it is not stated in the novel that Jurokk was tasked with watching the gate.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:40, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) ***Then why do you say Windu tasked him specifically in the bio and intro?  JangFett  (Talk) 21:18, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Drophan

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:22, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Massassi warrior from Crosscurrent

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:40, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:24, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Graestan ( Talk ) 15:39, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * He was confronted by Drophan, who interrogated Druur and began to report the intruder. Druur then attacked Drophan, decapitating him with his lightsaber before the Massassi could report him. Could you replace the second report with a synonym. Also could you reword the last sentence so that it is from Drophan's POV ?
 * 3) **I don't see why the second report should be changed; it's in a separate sentence. And the last sentence is from Drophan's POV. There's no issue here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:20, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Drophan first appeared briefly as a minor character in Paul S. Kemp's debut Star Wars novel, Crosscurrent, released January 26, 2010. Word missing ?
 * 5) **This sentence is grammatically correct, Lee. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:20, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *Nice work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Eyrezer: to be honest, I feel the second paragraph in the P&T adds nothing to the article. It mostly repeats what is already in the Biography. Removing won't compromise the GAN word count threshold either. Can you remove it or substantially reduce it to remove the redundancy? --Eyrezer 08:53, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *I don't see any problem with the paragraph; it talks about Drophan's personality, and provides situational occurances. Leaving it out or even just reducing it would be removing important information about his personality. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **"Drophan was suspicious of Relin Druur after finding the Jedi, and when Druur attempted to cover for his situation by claiming that he had come from the landing bay, Drophan asked who his superior was." vs "the Massassi, suspicious of the Jedi Master's flexsuit—a type of environmental suit—inquired as to who his superior was."
 * 10) **"When Druur did not provide an answer, Drophan began to report the intruder.'" vs "When Druur gave no answer, Drophan pushed him up against the wall and began to report the interloper's presence via comlink"
 * 11) **"However, Druur was able to distract the Massassi by claiming that his superior was Memit Nadill." vs "but Druur cut him off by claiming that his superior was Memit Nadill."
 * 12) **"Drophan was slightly taken aback and revealed that he did not know the name." vs "Drophan was unfamiliar with the name,"
 * 13) **"When Druur replied that Nadill was a Jedi Master, Drophan was too surprised and incredulous to react right away. However, he soon registered the significance of what Druur had said and attacked the Jedi." vs "Druur informed him that Nadill was a Jedi Master on the planet Kirrek. [...] Finally realizing the threat that Druur presented, Drophan moved to attack,"
 * 14) ***This whole paragraph is just a rewording of part of the biography, and placing it in the P&T. It's not his personality, it's just a summary of the actions he took. --Eyrezer 06:36, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) ****The point is that his actions define his personality. He was suspicious of Druur, but was prone to distraction and was taken aback by Druur's response. And then he was slow to react because he couldn't register Druur's reply quick enough. Anyway, I've reduced it some. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 12:59, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Gruna

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 23:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An exceedingly minor character. Short and sweet.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:47, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) What can I say? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:05, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:22, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Graestan ( Talk ) 16:09, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:06, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) —Tommy  9281 21:07, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:28, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Tommy:
 * 2) * Finhead Stonebone's organization has an article of its own.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *That's all, not bad. —Tommy 9281 01:04, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa:
 * 6) * Was the character not also given an entry in the first Star Wars Encyclopedia? If so, and if you're going to make note of the character receiving an entry in the 2008 CSWE, you might as well mention the 1998 SWE too. CSWE is no more important than SWE in this regard. Please also remember this for your future nominations. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:58, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Also, your two Enforcer One links are redirects. Please revise. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:00, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:25, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Roko

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 02:55, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yes, me again.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:43, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Okey, now it's Fnnbu, right? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:20, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro is here too
 * 2) * Are redlinks allowed at all in infoboxes? Btw, something must be wrong because that article should exist
 * 3) **What are you talking about? No redlinks in the article.
 * 4) ***It was '4000 BBY' instead of 4, 001 BBY'
 * 5) ****Oh, haha.
 * 6) * Anyway, if Roko died in 4,001 BBY, how could he be active in 4,000 BBY?
 * 7) **Fixed this one, if you don't mind. There was a comma missing. -- 1358  (Talk) 16:55, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Besides, the events took place in 4,000 BBY.
 * 9) * Do we say "unidentified" in the text? I thought that word was reserved for cases in which something (i.e. a species) was unidentified in-universe.
 * 10) **Well, I don't see his species being identified anywhere. But addressed.
 * 11) ***"Unidentified" still used in the intro.
 * 12) ****Addressed.
 * 13) * Underlinking: At the very least, in the intro: "Enforcer One" and Gruna's hauler. Please review this.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) * Bio: Should Roko's prisoner have an article?
 * 16) **Created.
 * 17) * NPOV: "Their jubilance was short-lived" and "a fearsome ensemble". Short-lived and fearsome compared to what?
 * 18) **Why does it have to be compared to anything? Their jubilance was short-lived because the Enforcer One showed up right away and captured them. But I removed the "Fearsome" part.
 * 19) *Fnnbu is next, I hope.Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:21, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **He is.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 20:46, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Jep, Lee attacks too
 * 22) * A second picture, possibly one of his death ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:45, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **Added. Sorry, but the picture's a bit small.
 * :1829ymmoT
 * 1) *Finhead Stonebone's organization has an article of its own. I'd have fixed this for you, but you've missed it in several of your recent noms. Familiarize yourself, please. —Tommy 9281 01:14, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) **Addressed.
 * 3) Few things.
 * 4) *"Roko's pirate gang" Don't you mean Stonehead's?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:42, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Eh, addressed.
 * 6) *"Roko was good friends with the pirate captain, although he referred to Stonebone respectfully as "cap'n"." How is the fact that he called him cap'n warranting an "although?" I mean, sure he didn't call him by his first name, but I think it's a bit OR to say that "he respectfully called him cap'n."  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:42, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Changed.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:27, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Tolo

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 10:37, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 273 words

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Imperialles 10:46, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Clean. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) "What are you gonna do next?" I'm going to ToloLand! NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 11:43, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:22, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:51, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ~ SavageBob 07:23, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:08, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) * Can we get at least a redlink to the tourism board? As banal as it may seem, it is an in-universe organization that should probably have an article. ~ SavageBob 15:23, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Created. --Eyrezer 05:47, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Cavalier One for supplying the Fact Files info. --Eyrezer 10:41, April 21, 2010 (UTC)

Unidentified Jedi (Endar Spire)

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:25, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 331 words.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Identified vote (Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:59, April 21, 2010 (UTC))
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:33, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Unidentified Farlstendoiro (GAN page)
 * 2) * You can mention what caused the explosion of the wall - even if it is simply "the battle" or "a blast from an enemy ship" or anything.
 * 3) **Added.
 * 4) *GANom tag added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:37, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thank you. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:56, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Lee attacks
 * 7) * You give context on Revan and Ulgo twice. Remove one of it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Soresu remembers creating this article last year
 * 10) * Do we actually know that the duel was short? IIRC, they are already fighting by the time you open that door.
 * 11) **Crap, I thought I got that. Removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:07, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) ***During the battle, she engaged a Sith aboard the vessel. She killed him during a lightsaber duel that followed though the wall section behind her exploded moments later, killing her. Chronologically, by the time you start that second sentence, the duel has already begun; there is no need for during a lightsaber duel that followed. The fact that it involved lightsabers could be moved into the previous sentence.
 * 13) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) * Though she was victorious, eliminating the Sith, she was killed before Trask Ulgo and Revan, two crewmembers who had just entered the hallway, could speak with her. Moments after killing the Sith, the Spire took damage from the ongoing battle and the the wall she stood beside exploded. As Lee caught, Trask and Ulgo already have context. Also, you state the events of her death twice for some reason. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:01, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **I got rid of the first context, it doesn't really have to do with her. As for the latter part, I did that because the sentence would run-on otherwise. The first sentence says she died, the second says how. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:07, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ***This stands, again due to chronology. If you're going to state her death and the reason for it, please do it in one sentence. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:33, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Alright. Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) *****Now the sentence is too long. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:42, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ******How about now? If it's still too long, the Revan/Ulgo mention doesn't neccisarily /have/ to be there. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:37, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *******I tried my best to make it work. It isn't perfect, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it for some reason. Of course, you can edit it to fit your personal style. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Jenn

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:02, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: She probably should have been afraid of the Dreighton Triangle.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Clean. Nice work. --Imperialles 20:10, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:21, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) If you all don't start making some mistakes or typos or anything, I won't be able to object your noms! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:38, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) You definetely don't like that link.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:48, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:08, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:31, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Unidentified Death Watch saboteur

 * Nominated by:  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:56, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Short and

(3 ACs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 22:33, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:36, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:14, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:28, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd has a few
 * 2) * Why did the CIS want to sabotage the cruiser? Clarify.
 * 3) **Added that the CIS was in war with the Republic, but we don't know anything else.
 * 4) * You say they performed a background check on this Mandalorian; any info on the results?
 * 5) **Added a little bit.
 * 6) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 23:37, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:31, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) Soresu has 2 <--Rhyme (Plus Makashi is 2)
 * 9) * Should the appearance have a (appears in hologram) note?
 * 10) **Yep, added.
 * 11) * After the sabotage. This seems to indicate that the sabotage mission was successful. If info on the mission's success is available, it should be mentioned earlier. If it was unsuccessful or we don't know, it would be safer to put "attempted sabotage". SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:11, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) **Added "attempted". Thank you for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:31, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***However, during the process, the Mandalorian was spotted Wait, so he wasn't successful? If he wasn't, also change during the process to before he could complete his mission or something to that effect. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:44, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) ****The problem is that we only know something about this guy from the two quotes of Kenobi. Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:11, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) "Died: c. 22 BBY,[1][2]" Is there supposed to be the place where he died after the references? Otherwise remove the comma. --  1358  (Talk) 13:44, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) *There was some unverified information (not from me in there) which I removed and forgot the comma. Removed it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:08, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) No article (at least a stub) for the battle?  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:47, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) *If you mean his capture, I created one. If you mean Kenobis investigation, it would be too much context. Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:07, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Aalagar

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 21:22, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Bith subspecies

(3 ACs/5 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Very clean. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:04, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Jep.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:42, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 22:36, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Deciphering the knot string, it says, "Support." ~ SavageBob 17:35, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:07, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:04, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:15, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Farl, just one
 * 2) * "Lumiya made contact with Solo shortly after this," <- You also mean she made contact with him because of that? Otherwise it would not be relevant for the article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:22, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Yes, she knew it would lead him there. Clarified --Eyrezer 06:23, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Fnnbu

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:59, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yup.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) He looks suspiciously similar to once unused concept art for the Rancor. Oh, well, one of these days we'll mention it when nominating the Zexx. Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:53, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:41, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy  9281 21:07, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) A Christian 00:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farl has been waiting for this one
 * 2) * Intro: "However" used twice in a row in the intro. The first time I don't understand why it's used: The pirates reach Ambria and Thon refuses to fight them, what's the "however" there?
 * 3) **Changed the first one.
 * 4) * Bio: Was Fnnbu a member of Stonebone's crew? You say so but, if so, shouldn't you mention any implication Fnnbu might have had in the ambush to Grunta's ore hauler? At least, you should mention that, chronologically, Fnnbu and the rest of Steonbone's crew raided the hauler, were captured by Bogga, were blackmailed to go to Ambria, and then went to Ambria.
 * 5) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:30, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) **Yes he was, but I refrained from mentioning if he took part in the raid on the ore hauler. It is never stated that he was there, and he is never seen while the raid happens. I didn't want to assume anything.
 * 7) Lee attacks
 * 8) * Stonebone's gang has a link. Please link it in the infobox and in the article.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Jedi apprentice Nomi Sunrider used an exotic Force power called battle meditation. I'm not quite sure if "exotic" is POV.
 * 11) **If you're not quite sure, then why are you objecting? Do you think its POV or not?
 * 12) ***Sorry I worded it badly. Replacing exotic with rare should do it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:38, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ****I just removed the adjective totally.
 * 14) *Good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:26, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) Few things
 * 16) * Can you say who the quote in the Biography section is to? Otherwise the reader has to wait until the end of the article to find out that "cap'n" refers to Stonebone.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * Also, should the first quote link to Bogga and to enforcers? I'm not sure if this is a valid objection or not if the specific individual isn't known.
 * 19) **I usually don't link to people in quotes, and the guy who said it is linked later in the article (its the guy who finds the crystals).
 * 20) ***Okay. I didn't know that was just a preference thing.
 * 21) * The ensemble was sent by Bogga to retrieve a lost shipment of Adegan crystals from Bogga's sworn enemy, Jedi Master Thon, in exchange for Bogga granting freedom to Stonebone's crew, who had been captured after a failed raid on an Ithullian ore hauler. So were the pirates basically blackmailed by Bogga? I feel this could use it's own sentence to clarify and explain that they weren't there on their own will. Plus, the way it is worded now it sounds like the whole ensemble of pirates and enforcers were going in exchange for their freedom, while I think it's just supposed to be the pirates.
 * 22) **I think its pretty clear that Stonebone's crew is the one getting freedom, not the enforcers as well. And they weren't really blackmailed, Bogga offered them freedom in exchange for a task and Stonebone accepted.
 * 23) *A Christian 18:19, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Sander Delvardus

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:00, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The best of the Darksaber warlords.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 04:44, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) -- 1358  (Talk) 05:06, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:12, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) After all, maybe Sovv was alone but he bluffed and Delvardus ordered his fleet to retreat. Nah!--Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:40, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "He was very confident in himself, and despite being outmanned and outgunned by the New Republic, believed that he would be able to defeat the New Republic." Maybe reword one of those New Republics. --Imperialles 22:16, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Floyd:
 * 3) * Context on the Eriadu Authority in the intro.
 * 4) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * Intro: Add a little context on Palpatine's rebirth, and add it again later in the body.
 * 6) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * Context on Sien Sovv.
 * 8) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * Is there a link on the desert world Delvardus used after Palpatine's final death? If so, link it, if not create it.
 * 10) **Created.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) *That's all. Not bad.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:39, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) Farlstendoiro
 * 13) * No possible opening quote for the Biography?
 * 14) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "He was able to claim the Rimma Trade Route from Eriadu to Yag'Dhul, although it was not long before he lost the approval of the ruling families on Eriadu, as Delvardus sought to invade the Core, whereas the families were merely content for him to defend the Eriadu system." This sentence is quite long and offers four important sub-sentences. I suggest you to reorder the sub-sentences and divide the sentence in two or three.
 * 16) **Changed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) * Context on the battle of Sullust. Simply Sovv's affiliation would be enough but, reading it, I thought Sovv single-handed defeated Delvardus in a Starkiller-like way.
 * 18) **I'd like to add "being defeated by Sullustan forces led by Sien Sovv," but EA doesn't specify that. It's highly unlikely that Sovv defeated him in a one-on-one battle, but the source doesn't confirm that it involved anyone other than Sovv and Delvardus. It also gives no context on Sovv other than his species (his affiliation and rank are unspecified, I believe).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ***The map on page 196 shows it to be an NR battle and Delvardus' entry calls it an NR world. There's also mention of Sullustan forces going after him. - Lord Hydronium 10:17, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * Context on Operation Shadow Hand
 * 21) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * Five sources are not referenced in footnotes. Confirm that you checked all of them only to find no new information
 * 23) **Checked at nomination, and there's nothing new.
 * 24) *Next: Yzu! Right?Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:28, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Till

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:30, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: More Rebel Assault II fun.

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Imperialles 17:35, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 21:48, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:47, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Clean as...something. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:49, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:17, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Jeseej

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:05, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Done on a whim.

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Perhaps a stub for his Toydarian host? Otherwise, nice work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:57, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *There's so little info given on this character; IIRC, sex is unspecified, and it's not even clear if the host is always the same Toydarian.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Farlstendoiro and the tentacled table-like tradesbeing
 * 4) * Please correct the redlink, as there's an article on ID card.
 * 5) **Handled; hope you don't mind, Chack. -- 1358  (Talk) 15:21, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Thanks.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * When you say he predicts "his clients' futures", do you mean that a single client might have several futures and Jeseej tells him about all his futures? It is anyway ambiguous; I'd suggest you to change it to say that each client (singular) knows his or her future/s.
 * 8) **I've changed it a bit to reflect the source and avoid confusion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * Underlinking: At the very least, official.
 * 10) **Official is not an article. Is there anything else missing a link?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) * "had skill in both machines and organic biology". What does this mean? Please, reword.
 * 12) **Tried to reword a bit. The source presents no details beyond what I've included, so keep that mind.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) *I've just seen this link as a source for the Sljee, please check it:
 * 14) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:19, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Wow, I can't believe I missed some of the stuff I did. Thanks for catching it, guys.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Force harmony

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 05:38, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: What kind of lame power is Heart, anyway?

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Doo Doo A Doo Doo... No, harmony's not my forte. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:51, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Clean.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 20:09, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Best use of nomination comments I've seen in a while.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:21, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Whole world, join hands! Start a Love Train, Love Train. (Running through my mind constantly. Best Review Ever.) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro
 * 2) * If users had to form a chain, and a user had to be adept in Life Sense and telepathy, and the unborn Anakin Solo was able to join mom's and Luke's chain, then: Was Anakin Solo a natural expert with several ranks in Life Sense and Telepathy before he was even born? More probably: Only the initiator of the power (as per Dark Empire Sourcebook page 74) is required to be adept in those powers.
 * 3) **The latter is correct, I clarified the sentence.
 * 4) * How did Luke and/or Leia know about this power? Did Yoda teach Luke about it, did they use a holocron...?
 * 5) **Apparently it just came to them. Leia knew she had to join her power with Luke from the prophecy, and Luke just sort of thought of it on his own. I expanded that section a bit. And thanks for the review. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 14:43, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:36, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

CT-9/85

 * Nominated by:  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:53, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Short one, a clone from The Cestus Deception

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Comments
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *You mention Kenobi and Fisto's mission, but you never clarify on what the mission was about. Sentences like these: "Fisto and Kenobi were ultimately able to end their mission successfully." "in order to support a mission carried out by Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi on the planet's surface" Can get confusing.
 * 3) *Lee, please try to give your articles a copy-edit on your own. While it's fine to ask others to give it a look over, you should at least try, as it is your own article that you have written.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:54, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Vess Kogo

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 19:18, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One of the few minor non-Galaxies/non-Traviss Emperor's Hands out there.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *" After his mother was injured during a Rebel protest against Imperial taxes on the planet Hanofar, Kogo developed a burning hatred for the Rebellion," What do you mean by this? Why would he develop a hatred of the Rebellion? Was his mother an Imperial and was injured trying to suppress it? Clarify.
 * 3) **Added that she was a bystander, and clarified it slightly in the Bio. No other information on the incident is known.
 * 4) *"Kogo often carried out missions requiring little subtlety but a substantial amount of destruction" Such as...?
 * 5) *"one Rebel group conducted a protest that soon went out of control. " How so?
 * 6) *"This obsession never caused him to fail the Emperor in his assigned duties, but at one point he came close to doing so." When was this? Any information at all?
 * 7) *"Sometime shortly after the Battle of Yavin, Kogo came into conflict with a group of individuals affiliated with the Rebel Alliance." And? Did they try to recruit him?
 * 8) *"Palpatine never used Kogo for subtle missions," Why not?
 * 9) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **To the rest of your objections, the source is not clear on any of those things. I've presented all of the information given by the source in most complete fashion possible, without stepping into speculation territory. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 22:03, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments