Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;not be tagged due to an excessive number of redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Darth Malak

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:18, 20 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Drewton and I have worked on this article for a while, and I believe it's ready to be considered a good article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:22, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

(2 ACs/5 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thats all I can see that other people haven't objected to. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:48, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) It's looking good! 04:18, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 01:08, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 17:55, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  22:13, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Cylka  -talk- 10:00, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  OLIOSTER  [[Image:Sith_Emblem.svg|30px]] 05:18, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the pages of NaruHina's Death Note
 * 2) *It seems OK but:
 * 3) * The him being in the Old Republic Era in the Infobox is not sourced
 * 4) * The language base in the Bts is unsourced
 * 5) **"While such a name might seem incongruous with Darth Malak's role as Sith Lord, he could be seen as a fallen angel due to his Jedi beginnings." I think this should be sourced as another opinion may be that he sees himelf as a divine messenger or something. There are many ways that "angel" and "messenger to God" can go.
 * 6) **Actually got rid of that, it just states what the actual name means in Hebrew and Arabic, have sources.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:35, 19 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * There is a Fact tag in the Bts.
 * 8) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:15, 16 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * One last thing, the succession box is not sourced. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:07, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *Took care of it, sourced now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:03, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:20, 21 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) Quotes in prose, speculation rampant in BtS, bullets in BtS, tiny paragraphs. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:19, 21 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Long taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:08, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) There's quotes in the middle of sections, that's against MoS the double and triple refs aren't needed, some sections are just way too short, mainly article prose problems. It would also be good idea to copyedit the article, there are numerous grammatical errors. Watch for POV in the article, the intro, P&T, and P&A have loads of it in their respective sections. Also, the BtS, needs to be rid of speculation, bullets, then expanded with stuff that can be sourced, IE: interviews, actions figures, etc. DC 01:30, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *Long taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:08, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) It's IFYLOFD!:
 * 17) * More info on the "devices" in the intro.
 * 18) **Adressed. Drewton  Era-old.png ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:36, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Is there an article on Darth Revan's flagship? If so, add a link to it in the intro.
 * 20) **Fixed, also linked in the body. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:53, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * "The Sith Lord corrupted Shan, who he had once considered a threat, and made her his apprentice, replacing the slain Darth Bandon, whom Revan had killed." Reword and/or split up this sentence.
 * 22) **Adressed. Drewton  Era-old.png ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:34, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * Context needed on Deesra Luur Jada and Lucien Draay.
 * 24) **Done. Drewton  Era-old.png ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:09, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * More info on the "discovery" made by Adasca.
 * 26) *Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:45, 17 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Context for Krynda Draay and Xamar.
 * 28) *I think it's fixed, check it out.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:22, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Unsourced statements in BtS.  IFYLOFD  ( And now, young Skywalker, you will die. ) 01:50, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) *Fixed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:45, 17 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) Cylka:
 * 32) * The infobox needs to be sourced correctly. Also any additional text in or out of parenthesis needs to either sourced separately or written before the ref notes, whichever the case may be.
 * 33) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * The Star Forge wasn't just a superweapon, but also a space-based factory or spacestation. I think it would be worth mentioning that.
 * 35) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Was Malak helping Zayne in trying to apprehend Gryph? I thought that he was looking for Zayne at the behest of Lucien Draay and found him after Gryph got away. I could be wrong, but please check this out.
 * 37) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Give a little more info on how Zayne ended up on the Legacy. You mention that Zayne started a diversion, but no one knows how or why he got there.
 * 39) * Please give a little more context to how Zayne ended up on Jebble and they had to rescue him again. Just a sentence will do. Something like In light of certain events on Taris, Zayne traveled to Jebble where he was once again in need of assistance.
 * 40) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * Please remove any quotes in the prose. From what I understand quotes or partial quotes can only be found in Bts, while quote templates only at the beginning of sections.
 * 42) *Those quotes in the BTS section are somewhat necessary, I feel, since they are from James Ohlen and John Jackson Miller, respectively. The quote from Ohlen is from Malak's databank entry, while the partial quote from Miller is from the letters section of Knights of the Old Republic #29. We can't just ignore those quotes.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:31, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * Make sure that "master" is capitalized when referring to them by name or Jedi Master. I changed some of them, but I'm not sure I got them all.
 * 44) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:04, 23 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * It was not long before rumors began to spread that Malak's apprentice, who would be known as Darth Bandon, would challenge him for the right to rule, as was the manner of the Sith. The result of this revolt, however, is unknown. Other Sith only wondered about this. Bandon didn't form a revolt. He was killed before he could - according to the databank. This needs to be changed.
 * 46) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * Malak was a pale-skinned human who stood an impressive two meters in height. What is the ref, for his height. Cylka  -talk- 01:19, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * There seem to be some linking issues throughout the article. As I understand it, in articles each linkable subject should have one link each in the intro, main body, image caption, and infobox.
 * 50) **I've taken care of the excessive linking.
 * 51) *Its looking good, but still needs a little work. Cylka  -talk- 23:40, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * There are some POV and speculation issues throughout the article. As soon as everyone's objections have been satisfied, I'll sign off on the article as well. Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 16:41, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) The sources in the "Sources" section are not listed in the order of their release --Jinzler 22:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:57, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) Time for Darth Cav to wade in:
 * 56) * Intro - mention should be made of his taking advantage of the Jedi Strike Team's actions, and Revan's survival, although he believed him to be dead.
 * 57) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Intro - It would not be long until the new Dark Lord of the Sith was proven wrong. Proven wrong about what?
 * 59) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * Jedi Padawan - Is there an article for Malak's village on Quelli? If so, it should be linked to.
 * 61) *There is no such article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) **I've created a redlink for this, since it deserves an article. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 17:54, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **Long taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:27, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Jedi Padawan - According to Deesra Luur Jada, a Twi'lek Jedi, Alek was trained at the Jedi Enclave located on Dantooine. If this is true, then there is no need for this statement to be quantified by Jada's statement. It should just read that he was trained on Dantooine.
 * 65) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Captured at Flashpoint - Context is need on the Last Resort and her crew upon first mention.
 * 67) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - What is an exogorth? Context please.
 * 69) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Context is need on who Karath is upon first mention, and why he is at the meeting.
 * 71) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Camper should be introduced earlier in the bio (around the mention of the Last Resort in the previous section), and his involvement in the exogorth project should be made clear from the beginning.
 * 72) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Earlier, Zayne Carrick had boarded the Legacy with Admiral Karath, Carth Onasi, and Dallan Morvis after they had escaped on the Deadweight, Onasi's ship, from Karath's command ship when the Mandalorians boarded it after the devastating events of the battle at Serroco. Run on sentence. Consider breaking up and revising.
 * 73) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - When Carrick, who was dressed in Rohlan's spare armor that had been given to him earlier by Mandalore, started a diversion - who was the armor given to? Did Mandalore give it to Rohlan or Carrick? Its a little unclear.
 * 75) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Context is needed on who the Moomo brothers are.
 * 77) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) * Adasca's plot and a return to Taris - Is there an article for the Mandalorian invasion of Taris? If so, it needs to be linked to.
 * 79) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * Against the Jedi Covenant - Context on who Shel Jelavan is upon first mention.
 * 81) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * The final battles - You mention Malak's rapid promotion through the Republic ranks twice.
 * 83) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * In search of the Star Forge - Context on who the Rakata/ Infinite Empire are.
 * 85) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * Betraying the Master - Are there articles that can be linked to for the Jedi strike team, and their assault on Revan's flagship?
 * 87) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * The Search for Bastila - Although his stratagems and tactics centered around brute force, and were, as the droid G0-T0 would tell the Jedi Exile many years later, "painfully obvious," I don't think this needs to include references to G0-T0 or the Exile since they are not connected to Malak. Plus, it is opinion from one character rather than fact.
 * 89) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * The Search for Bastila - Who are Bastila's rescuers? Reference should be made, especially as one of them is Revan. This information should be included before Malak's discovery of Revan's survival.
 * 91) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * The Search for Bastila - Did Nord actually know that one of Bastila's rescuers was Revan?
 * 93) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * The Search for Bastila - Mention should be made that Malak took Jedi prisoners during his attack on Dantooine for later use on the Star Forge.
 * 95) * The Star Forge - Some of the information on the Forge's construction process should be included earlier on, when the Star Forge is first introduced, to better explain how Revan and Malak controlled a vast armada.
 * 96) * The Star Forge - Context on how the Republic found the Star Forge is needed. Also, a link to the battle is needed.
 * 97) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * Legacy - Context needed for G0-T0 and Mical.
 * 99) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) * Legacy - Malak caused, in comparison to his master's thought-out goals, would forever paint Malak as a tyrannical monster who, despite all his attempts to gain absolute power, was ultimately inferior in every aspect compared to Revan. This is bordering on NPOV in my opinion, especially the "ultimate inferior" part.
 * 101) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) * Years needed to be sourced in the succession box.
 * 103) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * Check the entire article for instances of first names being used in place of surnames - surnames should be used for formality. I understand the possible reason for not using Alek's surname, and I hold no real objection to it so it could remain as such, but others may disagree on that one. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:04, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) *Addressed, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:23, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) Muuuuuurgh:
 * 107) * The claim that Malak can be transformed into a Twi'lek dancer at the end of Knights of the Old Republic should be a bit more detailed--exactly how might a player go about the task of doing so? Wookieepedia is not a gaming site, however, I feel that a description is worth including for the purposes of informing readers who would like to verify this claim. I imagine that describing the process might be disruptive to the rest of the BTS section, so its probably best to keep the description of the process confined to the references section.
 * 108) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) * Although I appreciate that a page number was given, it should be specified which article in Star Wars Insider 100 was the basis for the first paragraph of "The final battles" section, as well as the statement that Darth Bandon's "quest for power had set him apart from his fellow students" in "The search for Bastila" section.
 * 110) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) * Related to the previous objection, the as-of-yet unidentified article from Star Wars Insider 100 should be included in the Sources section.
 * 112) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * The claim that Malak was a Jedi Guardian is sourced only to the Wizards website and does not specify where on that website one can find this information. --Muuuuuurgh 08:55, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:46, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) The very beginning needs a bit of work. You shouldn't start by calling him Alek Sqwhatever, but just Alek. There's no reason to doubt Alek's comments - "He claimed that people from Quelii..." - so they should be taken as fact. Mention his nickname after the first sentence, too. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:15, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) Cylka, part deux:
 * 118) * There are numerous instances of ref notes written before punctuation. Please go through the article and correct this. The same goes for quotation marks. Commas and periods always go inside quotation marks.
 * 119) *Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) * Again there are problems of over/underlinking. Please read through the article carefully. Make sure you avoid creating new issues when fixing objections.
 * 121) * In the Legacy section, I'm not sure you can say that Mical is a former Jedi, since he is re-trained by the Exile.
 * 122) *Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:40, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) * There still are some POV issues, such as with the word "very." Please go through again.
 * 124) * The third paragraph in the P/T is bordering on copyright infringement of the CG, so I would suggest rewriting it a bit more.
 * 125) *I think I took care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:02, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) * and could also use it to cancel a Force-user's active powers - In the P/A, this sounds a bit too much like game mechanics, and should be rewritten. Also you are citing many of his Force powers to the game, but we aren't sure exactly of all of the powers he had since we couldn't play his character and see his statistics. Please double check that.
 * 127) *When I play the game, he usually activates the "Force Immunity" power after drawing his lightsaber. Also, I'm not entirely sure how I could write that without sounding like it's game mechanics, since he did use that power both in-game and according to the CG. And of course, if you prolong the duel, he'll use such powers as Force leap, Force speed, Force Suppression, though I think he uses the Breach power as well.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:40, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) *Just a little bit more, Kasra. It's almost done. :-) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 07:54, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) Toprawa:
 * 130) * Source list needs to be in correct order. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:03, 21 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 131) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:35, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) Jinzler
 * 133) * You need to add info on Malak from Timeline 1: Treaty of Coruscant --Jinzler 22:10, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:42, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 135) Grunny's first look:
 * 136) *Overlinking: far too many repeated links. And make sure you link to the correct article not a redirect.
 * 137) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) * You should apply Template:Cite web to references 41, 47, 48, 49, and 52.
 * 139) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) * Intro - "After revealing to his former Master that he was indeed the former Dark Lord, Malak and Revan fought each other, but Shan sacrificed herself so that he and his companions could escape." Who each of the "he"'s is referring to is confusing. Also sacrificed makes it sound like she died when she didn't.
 * 141) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 142) *Mandalorian Wars - Recruiting for the Revanchists:
 * 143) ** For clarity mention that the group was called the Revanchists explicitly in the text.
 * 144) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 145) ** "While there, Alek met a Jedi named Zayne Carrick, the Padawan of Lucien Draay, who was the son of the Jedi Covenant leader Krynda Draay." The use of commas here suggests that Zayne was the son of Kyndra, even though she shares a last name with Lucien.
 * 146) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 147) ** Jedi Covenant needs a little context when first mentioned.
 * 148) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 149) ** "The Jedi Covenant believed that one of their Padawans would fall to the dark side." The start of this paragraph needs some sort of lead to create a better flow from the previous paragraph.
 * 150) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:08, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) **"While there, Alek met a Jedi named Zayne Carrick, who was the Padawan of the Jedi Master Lucien Draay, the son of Krynda Draay, the founder of a secret Jedi organization called the Covenant, which was dedicated to preventing the return of the Sith." Now this sentence is messy with constant contextualizing.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 152) ***I believe I've taken care of this sentence, let me know if you're not satisfied.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:24, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) *Mandalorian Wars - Captured at Flashpoint
 * 154) ** "However, after the Mandalorians were tricked into leaving the station during a false "Republic attack" masterminded by Marn Hierogryph, it was revealed that the Demagol that had emerged was actually Carrick." Last time Heirogryph was mentioned he was being chased by Carrick, please clarify that he is now an ally, possibly when describing the rest of the crew of the Last Resort.
 * 155) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 156) ** "He disobeyed the Council in going to war, and taking advantage of his reputation and popularity, convinced many other Jedi to join him in dissent. As Revan's closest friend, Alek was the first to do so and he traveled to worlds such as Dantooine to recruit even more Jedi to his and Revan's growing rebellion.[16] By the time they were done, they had persuaded an extremely large portion of the Jedi to follow them to war." You have already mentioned this information at the start of the previous section, so remove one or the other so that the information is presented chronologically. As the second is more descriptive, make sure to put that one in its correct place.
 * 157) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:33, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 158) *I'll continue reviewing in sections, take care of these and I will continue.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:23, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Took care of the quotes in the middle of sections, took out the bullets in BTS, him being part of the OR era is already sourced, will work on sourcing the language bases.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:53, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
 * I think someone should take notice of the hideous amount of Point of View violations in the "Legacy" section. -MPK 18:25, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Except that what's in that section reflects character's opinions of Malak, such as G0-T0, Canderous Ordo, and Mical.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:41, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Then you need to include that it was their reflections. As it stands, it's POV, but with some tweaking, it could be fixed without changing the meaning of the sentences. DC 16:08, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Tweaked it a bit, check it out.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:05, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * I believe it is fine now. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 17:06, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Content approaching for the BTS: http://www.farawaypress.com/games/swkotorguide.html. Mauser 13:18, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Darth Nihilus

 * Nominated by:  NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:25, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Thanks to Cylka for the inspiration and information. Lets make this the first Restored GA!

(2 ACs/8 Users/10 Total)
Support
 * 1) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 07:21, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:54, 4 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 05:22, 6 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 07:00, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) A good romp with the FAN would do this some real justice, methinks. —Tommy9281 Dark Side Master TotG.jpg ( Peace is a lie ) 15:15, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  Redstarbird.svg ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:57, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:43, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Kilson likes PIE Nice job, very well done. 16:50, 06 February, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Dark Lord Trayus 03:27, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  22:14, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Object style="color: #000000;">Talk  08:56, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The BtS is a bit all over the place. Please subsection it as appropriate and break it into proper paragraphs; it looks a bit triviaish at the moment. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:23, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I think I fixed it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 19:13, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cylka:
 * 4) * The Trayus Academy kept on producing legions of Sith Lords, Assassins and Marauders, who spread death and the following of the dark side like a disease. What does "the following of the dark side" mean? Please clarify.
 * 5) **Rephrased. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * As it neared the Miraluka colonized world Katarr, Nihilus spoke, obliterating Katarr How did him speaking obliterate Katarr? Please clarify. Maybe you could add in something to the effect that the Miraluka could hear him through the Force and that his "voice" in the Force was his hunger, therefore hearing him=death.
 * 7) **Rephrased. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * [...]the Dark Lord seemed too strong to defeat, then the Exile learned of his weakness and turned the tide. Visas also entered into a trance and tried to disrupt the link with her former Master, undermining his connection to the Force. This makes it sound like they both were in a trance, although I'm pretty sure only Visas was in a trance. Please reword.
 * 9) **And rephrased. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * With Traya gone, the Sith were left with no defined leadership and many factions arose, all seeking to take what little remained of Revan's Sith Empire. However, Nihilus and Sion were now the leaders of the Sith. These statements appear to contradict each other. I know what you mean, but others may not. Reword to say that they became the leaders because they got rid of Traya.
 * 11) **Rephrased. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:03, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Give an actual date for the conclave and destruction of Katarr. I actually found a definitive source for the date; I changed all the articles to reflect this. You can find it there. * Cylka *  11:21, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Fixed it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:03, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) *Good job with adding a lot of info to the article. * Cylka *  02:40, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thank you. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:31, 25 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) Soresu
 * 17) * it killed all but a few of those who were crushed on the planet's surface. This does not make sense. It sounds as if it killed almost everyone, and then the survivors were crushed.
 * 18) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:02, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * Using the Force, he was able to keep his robes, armor and mask together, giving him some form, allowing him to use his Force powers and wield a lightsaber, but apart from that he had no longer a physical form and he became simple primitive intention. Break this sentence up.
 * 20) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:02, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * I would suggest integrating the third paragraph of 'Encounter with Visas Marr' with the second. This is so you can say that the conclave was the original reason why Nihilus had come to the planet. You should probably add the intentional info leak by Atris and that it was meant to be a trap for him. I'll take a look at the rest in a few hours. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 22:11, 27 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **Merged NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 10:50, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * The 'Downfall' section is out of chronology. Please put it into the correct order of events.
 * 24) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 10:50, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Sorry about not getting this stuff last night (I had a blackout while writing), but the second and third paragraphs are still not in order. For example, the disturbance in the Force, Visas' joining the Exile, and the end of the Onderon Civil War all occurred after the destruction of the mining facility. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 22:01, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *** I'm not seeing where it is out of chronology. Could you please quote where you see it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 11:47, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****Nevermind, reading at 3:30AM does things to the mind. I think I fixed it.
 * 28) * The hunger he possessed was a means of severing connections between life, the Force, and feeding upon the death it caused the closer he came to it. Reword. Also, what was he coming closer to? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 03:06, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **No clue there. Removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:31, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) Chack Attack:
 * 31) * "Under the tutelage of Darth Traya he became one of the three Dark Lords of the Sith at the time, the Sith Triumvirate, under the title of the Lord of Hunger, the others being Traya and Darth Sion." This is phrased a bit poorly.
 * 32) **Rephrased? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 11:57, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "An emptiness swept over his body and it soon began hungering. Without meaning to, he drained the life of someone; it was an unpleasant experience, but for a brief moment the hunger ceased, only to come back more relentless than before." This should also be rephrased.
 * 34) **I'm not sure of how I could rephrase it and people in the IRC think its fine. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:29, 3 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Right, don't worry about it then.
 * 36) * "his voice a great hunger heard" Can you hear hunger? :P Seriosuly, I know what you're trying to say, but it could written better here.
 * 37) **Got it NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:42, 3 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "The situation on Onderon got out of hand" Too colloquial.
 * 39) **A two birds with one stone fix. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:43, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * "learned of his weakness" What was his weakness?
 * 41) **Got it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 11:57, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *Very good job. I'd suggest taking this to FA when it passes GA (only if you feel you're ready, of course).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) Please rework the beginning a little bit. We shouldn't be saying things like "all that is known of Nihilus' beginning" because this is out-of-universe. You could alter that to reflect the knowledge of the characters in-universe. You should also contextify/link the Exile upon her first mention in the bio. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:31, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *I already linked/contextified her in the Downfall section. "The Jedi Exile[link] returned to Republic space after being banished from the Jedi Order for following Revan to the Mandalorian Wars. She had begun to reestablish her connection to the Force which was severed during the Battle of Malachor V."
 * 45) **But that occurs after "when the Exile gave the order to activate the Mass Shadow Generator," which is her first mention. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:11, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) *Did I fix the lead-in right? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:15, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) Toprawa:
 * 49) * Sourcing needs some serious clean up before I'm going to let this thing pass, and I really have no qualms about expressing my dissatisfaction with the level of review by our AC members here. Please eliminate the unnecessary redundant sourcing in the biography. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:43, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **I disagree with you on the sourcing; but for the sake of the nom, I fixed it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:15, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***I'm not sure what there is to disagree about it. An article is either sourced correctly, or it isn't, and this one wasn't. Fortunately, you have corrected this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:22, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Pasta Bowl; part the first&hellip;
 * 53) * More aesthetic than anything else, but there is no image of Nihilus from TSL in the article. None. Surely a screen shot can be taken. One of Nihilus and Marr together would be extremely beneficial to readers since their paths are so intertwined.
 * 54) **I will work on getting another but the image at the end of the Biography is from TSL. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ***A shot of Visas before Nihilus has been added.-- Goodwood Redstarbird.svg ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:57, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *Be careful with the flow in the Introduction. It is choppy with a lot of short finite sentences. I tried to clean it up, but it needs some work in the prose to make it smooth and fluid.
 * 57) **Done? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) ***I see what you did. Okay, a few things.
 * 59) **** "After losing everything&hellip; after surviving&hellip;" Both 'afters' make it awkward.
 * 60) *****Never mind. I fixed this one myself. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) ****"he turned to the dark side&hellip;" Was he a Jedi? Otherwise, turning would imply that.
 * 62) *****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:36, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **** "The apprentices became more and more powerful." This seems just dropped in. There is nothing before that states an apprenticeship aside from "tutelage." The triumvirate, however, implies equality rather than a Master-Apprentice relationship. Additionally, it is so disconnected from the discussion of Nihilus and Traya that no real link can be formed. This connection and the associated wording needs to be reworked and rewritten. It needs to be as clear as possible for the reader to know when he was an apprentice, when he was an equal, and when he overpowered his former master.
 * 64) ***** This is only partially cleaned up. "&hellip;encase his spirit within his mask and armor. The apprentices grew in strength during their training; eventually overpowering and exiled their Master, severing her ties to the Force." Note the disjunction between the sentences. It is also disjunctive at the semicolon, which is also improperly used, here. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) ******I think I got it this time. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:24, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) **** Similarly, the sentences about his "hunger" and experiences with the mass shadow generator should be mentioned with the Malachor remarks.
 * 67) *****Addressed. NaruHina  <span
 * 1) ****** Okay, so this one was moved, but the connectivity was breached. "&hellip;the affliction began to ravage his body. He then came under the apprenticeship&hellip;" Awkward transition, please rectify. Perhaps mention him being "found" might help. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *******I think I smoothed it out. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:45, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) * I split the first paragraph of the biography. Make certain the reference at the split point is still correct.
 * 4) **They are still correct. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:10, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * The second paragraph of the biography merely states that he was trained by Traya, but after it is stated that he was "christened" as a Sith Lord. Firstly, was he ever apprenticed by Traya? The Intro and infobox states that he was in a Master-Apprentice relationship, but this paragraph does not. Secondly, was he instantaneously found and then "christened" as a Sith Lord? There is a strong disconnect along the time line. Please clarify this paragraph and expand.
 * 6) **Addressed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Better, but a couple of things:
 * 8) **** "He followed her there, to her school on Malachor, and learned the ways of the Sith." Isn't he already on Malachor, or is that not known?
 * 9) *****I fixed this one, too. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **** "Time passed and he was eventually a newly christened&hellip;" the eventually...newly part that throws me off. Also, "christened" is an awkward word for being given a title; can that be reworked while we are at it? Or, is that a canon word that I am not remembering?
 * 11) ***** Much better here; although, instances of "christened" still exist in the article. Additionally, I do not believe the phrase "Nihilus was named a Sith Lord during this conflict&hellip;" comes from information within TSL. Is there someplace else, or am I missing something? I could be incorrect. Please double check for me. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ******I'm not seeing any, though it is early in the morning, but christened is a canon word for it. Its in the KotOR CG. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:45, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **** "Nihilus and Sion each honed different teachings of the dark side of the Force&hellip;" Different teachings or aspects/skills/etc.? Just checking.
 * 14) *****Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:12, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "His power grew beyond what Traya could match and he allied himself with Darth Sion to challenge her, defeating the woman." Where? When? Expand. It is a significant character-development point in TSL.
 * 16) **Expanded. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:15, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *** Quickie: "Nihilus allied himself with Darth Sion to challenge Traya, defeating the woman at the center of her own Academy in the very heart of Malachor V itself." What was the challenge? How did he defeat her?
 * 18) ****Addressed and as to the second part, thats in there, Sion beat her to a bloody pulp and they sapped her Force energy. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:12, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *****Official objection struck, but I kind of would like to see this done up a little more if you have time. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "With Traya gone, the Sith were left with no defined leadership and many factions arose&hellip;" Wait&hellip; where did these beings come from? Although not stated, it is implied earlier in the article that the Triumvirate was alone. Clarify.
 * 21) **Clarified. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:15, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) *** Sorry, but I do not believe it is. The paragraph prior to this might be a place to mention that the Sith Empire had fallen and various factions and followers existed. It is your choice, but all of a sudden a three-being group is now a broken and tattered empire as it reads now.
 * 23) ****Fixed? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:10, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *****Better, but there are two things another thing with this:
 * 25) ****** "Nihilus and Sion, having been the ones who defeated Traya, took control of the fractured Sith, those who followed Traya but now wanted her power for themselves, and focused the groups on a common goal: the elimination of the Jedi Order." The last half of this&mdash;from "those," onward&mdash;makes little sense. First off, the sentence needs to be broken up, it is a long run-on. Next, who are "those?" Are they Nihilus and Sion? Are they other Sith minions who did Traya's bidding? Clarify. In fact, please rework this entire sentence. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *******Fixed? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, 2 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****** Break up the paragraph at "With Traya gone&hellip;" &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *******Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:58, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Nihilus and Sion, having been the ones who defeated Traya, took control of the fractured Sith and focused the groups on a common goal: the elimination of the Jedi Order." Did they work together directly, or indirectly? Their goals in eliminating the Jedi Order seem to have been different.
 * 30) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:15, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Better.
 * 32) * The subheading "Dark Lord of the Sith" seems out of place considering that his "christening" as such is mentioned paragraphs before and already expanded upon. Change divisions or the subheading title.
 * 33) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:20, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Much, much better.
 * 35) * "With Traya overthrown, Nihilus had moved into a position of power. The Trayus Academy continued producing legions of Sith Lords, Assassins and Marauders." Disjunctive. What is the relationship between Nihilus and the Academy? If nothing, the first sentence is an unnecessary redundancy, and the next couple need to be reworked into Nihilus's scheme to show a connection.
 * 36) **Contextified that he attended the academy. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:56, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *** Okay, but that does not help in this instance. That is too far away to be the explanation. It is a good setup for an explanation, however. Did Nihilus or Sion officially take over the Academy? How was it run? What happened? Otherwise, this is irrelevant information for this location in the article.
 * 38) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:47, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ***** Better. Again, however, please double check the source. I do not believe all that information is in TSL. In fact, this one I am pretty certain of. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ******Fixed for this one. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:58, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) *******Striking it for now to clear this round of objections. I will re-mention it in the next round. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:44, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * In conjunction with the above: "They spread death throughout the galaxy like a disease&hellip;" Is it described "like a disease" in TSL or the CG? If not, remove it; it borders on OR and is not NPoV.
 * 43) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Continuing the conjunction: "What they experienced first hand in his wake allowed them to become stronger near Force-sensitives, and feel their prey through the Force." This does not make sense. Reword, please.
 * 45) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *** "&hellip;allowed them to become stronger near other Force-sensitives&hellip;" Contextualize or expand "stronger."
 * 47) *** "&hellip;and feel their targets through the Force across great distances." I think I understand what is being explained, but it is too cumbersome as it stands right now. I am not sure why, but I am having a difficult time with this clause.
 * 48) ****Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:56, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "His flagship, the Ravager, roamed the borders of known space." Okay. And? This sentence, aside from beginning a paragraph with a pronoun, has no relation to the paragraph it is heading. Connect and remove the pronoun or eliminate altogether. The Ravager should probably be mentioned and sourced when he pulls ships from Malachor V.
 * 50) **Removed an fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:09, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "Atris, a Jedi Master, organized a large gathering of Jedi on the Miraluka colony world Katarr. After organizing the event, she then leaked the location." I reworded it to flow better, but it needs to be stated why she leaked the event.
 * 52) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "It overpowered them and obliterated the surface of Katarr&hellip;" What is "it?" His voice? His hunger?
 * 54) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "Nihilus killed much of what remained of the Jedi Order&hellip;" So basically, no one was left? Make sure that the amount implied is actually stated in the sources.
 * 56) **I fixed it by putting the context of it at the beginning of that paragraph. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:29, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ***I will let it pass. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "&hellip;including the renowned Jedi Zhar Lestin, Dorak and Vandar Tokare." "Renowned" is not a word I would use here. It is PoV-laden and should be tempered. Also, any other figures present that should be noted?
 * 59) **Fixed and no, there's not, its almost like the Golden Globes, and aside from that, I thought three would be a good number as to not disrupt the flow. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:25, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ***Sorry, I don't follow. What does the Golden Globes have to do with the Conclave gathering? I don't follow.
 * 61) ****Its just a joke. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:51, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) *****Oh, sorry. As people say these days: "My bad." :) &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "As he walked on the surface, Darth Nihilus found only a single living thing, an injured woman named Visas Marr." The wording of this implies that she happened to survive; although a couple sentences later states outright that she had been spared. Clarify this.
 * 64) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:06, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) *** In TSL, she remarks that she was spared. This should be addressed here.
 * 66) ****Fixed to say he didn't spare her but she survived and wanted to know why. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:51, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) *****Great fix. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Throughout the article, Visas Marr is referred to simply as "Visas." This is not a proper encyclopedic naming convention unless there are two with the same last name. I know she is referred to as Visas in TSL, but they are on a first name basis, just like talking to "Canderous," or "Atton," or anyone else. Please change these appearances.
 * 69) **I fixed all that I could find. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:19, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ***I went through and fixed them. The BtS was riddled with them.
 * 71) * "&hellip;and carved out the flesh where her eyes would be had she been human." Well, she is not Human. This analogy seems a bit of a stretch. Please find another way to describe it using a Miraluka-based description rather than that of another species.
 * 72) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:30, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * "She eventually became his trusted sole apprentice; she even developed a powerful Force bond with her Master." Choppy, please reword, expand, and make more fluid.
 * 74) **Fixed? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:32, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * Before I forget, the date in the infobox does not come from TSL, as no year is mentioned in the game. Please find a source. There are a few to chose from.
 * 76) **The NEC came through for once. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 09:28, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) *So far, I've read up to "Downfall," but I think I will stop there for now. Good luck.
 * 78) **I will resume after this part has been finished. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 06:35, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ***Still more to do in this part. A good copyedit might help, as well. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:30, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 18:56, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Pasta bowl, part the second:
 * 82) *There was still one outstanding objection from above. To make it easy, I'm reposting it here: The first paragraph of 1.2.1 (Encounter with Marr), I believe, does not all come from TSL. Please double check that for me.
 * 83) **I think that was said in TSL but I'm not 100% sure anymore. I've taken out the things I'm not sure of. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:28, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) ***If this information is true, it is useful to his biography. Please double check other sources so that the article is comprehensive. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) ****Checked. Wasn't there. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 12:18, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * "At this point, Nihilus's next move&hellip;" What is "this" point? Contextify and clarify.
 * 87) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:22, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * "The Jedi Exile returned to Republic space&hellip;" This paragraph needs to start with a transition phrase.
 * 89) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:22, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) ***Struck defunct objection due to major corrections suggested by other reviewers. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) *"In a turn of events, the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed, restoration efforts throughout the Outer Rim were doomed, and secessionist movements on planets such as Onderon got out of hand." A few things:
 * 92) ** "In a turn of events" is awkward here. It implies that Atris could no longer control or manipulate what was happening. While this may be the case, it does not seem to quite fit.
 * 93) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) ****Rendered defunct.
 * 95) ** "&hellip; the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed, restoration efforts throughout the Outer Rim were doomed, etc." The current set up indicates that the incident on Peragus was just one of the events, not a prompter of those events. Peragus prompted Telos. Please reword to clarify. Also, "doomed" is PoV.
 * 96) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) ****Rendered defunct.
 * 98) ** "Restoration efforts" does not seem correct, to me. Telos was the only restoration effort mentioned in TSL, and it is the only one that is mentioned as active since it was a pilot program. If I am missing something, please clarify this. If not, please fix it, because it is a blanket statement that is considered OR.
 * 99) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) **Same thing for "secessionist movements." Also, "got out of hand" is PoV.
 * 101) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:29, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) ****Not fixed. Please cite the plural nature of it.
 * 103) ****Changed to singular. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:38, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "When the Exile defeated Marr instead, the Miraluka began to question her conclusions of what her master once showed her and was swayed to serve the Exile against the slayer of her people." I already separated this from another sentence, but please break this up again so it is less of a run-on.
 * 105) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) * "Nihilus's plans for Onderon failed&hellip;" Ok, so we are back at Onderon now. Just from what I have read in this section, thus far, it needs to be organized better. We start at Onderon, then jump to the Exile in a disjunctive fashion, then reintroduce Nihilus backhandedly, then jump back to Onderon. Either all of the Onderon stuff should be together or the progression needs to be smoothed over substantially. While the first option pulls apart the chronology a bit, it could be very effective. The latter option allows for a preservation of the chronology, but will take some work to keep things flowing. Basically, the ideas should not come to an abrupt halt at the end of every paragraph. Sometimes there is no way around that, but, in this case, I do not believe it is necessary to have such abrupt changes.
 * 107) **I chose the former and I think it works well. 05:37, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) ***We'll tweak this again later, too, during the final run-through. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) * "Nihilus's plans for Onderon failed when the Exile stopped the Onderon Civil War." She singlehandedly stopped the civil war? Maybe "intervened" would be better.
 * 110) **Changed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:37, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) *"When a detachment of Sith were dispatched to Iziz from the nearby moon of Dxun, they were still unaware of the presence of a base that Nihilus had established in Freedon Nadd's tomb; the Sith had stayed clear of Mandalorian patrols even though they were very close to the Mandalorian Outpost." A few things:
 * 112) **First, all of a sudden there are Sith on Dxun? What's Dxun have to do with it? What were those Sith there for? Contextify.
 * 113) ***Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) ****Still needs work. The Freedon Nadd's tomb, now referenced as "Nihilus's base" has no earlier context or predication. This is an important thing to mention. I know it was trimmed out based upon Acky's objection below. I am not disagreeing with him; rather, I am saying to include the relevant information in a manner that is not a play-by-play of the game, and in the proper chronological frame, not the order it was necessarily revealed in the game. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) *****Is this the kind of thing you want? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:35, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) ****Also, sentence before indicates that Mandalore and his people were living on Onderon, and not Dxun. Please correct this. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) *****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:35, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ** Next, who is "they" (after Dxun)?
 * 119) ***Contextified NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) **"&hellip;the presence of a base&hellip;" Context now arrives, but it is too late. The paragraph at the beginning of Downfall, which describes Nihilus setting up his Onderon scheme is too short. The context should be there. It would greatly enhance that paragraph and allow for a just a short one-or-two word reference here to refresh our memory.
 * 121) ***Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) ****This objection stands, dovetailing off of the previous. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) ** Then, the semicolon is used wrongly here. It would be better to just cut the sentence.
 * 124) ***Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) **"The Sith had stayed clear of Mandalorian patrols&hellip;" Wait, there are Mandalorians, now? Context. It would be good to mention the presence of Mandos on Dxun when it talks about the Exile joining forces with them. After all, that is where the bargain was reached.
 * 126) ***Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) ****Again, dovetailing off of the previous standing objections. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) *"When Kreia recognized a greater threat than what seemed to be merely a staging base, the Exile took action against it." The part that does not quite make sense to me is "than what seemed to be merely a staging base." Please clarify this.
 * 129) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:04, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) ***Sorry, but this is even more confusing now. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 131) *****How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:25, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) *"Meanwhile, the Exile, Kreia, and a third companion headed to Iziz to support Queen Talia and keep Onderon in the Republic." I thought the third companion had to be Mandalore. I could be wrong on this, so please double check. Thanks.
 * 133) **No, Mandalore could be sent to Dxun as well, In fact, Kreia says its a good idea to take him there. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:01, 27 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) ***I would not even mention Kreia, then. If the third companion is player-chosen and Kreia is not mentioned in the paragraph (or, what should be the paragraph), then simply stated "Exile and two companions" as the remark. To help codify Kreia's unnecessary mention, please split the paragraph at "afterwards." &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 135) ****Good point. Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:35, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) ***Dovetailing with this: The Exile can convince Talia to permit Vaklu to at least stand trial. I believe this is the light-sided choice. So, correct that sentence accordingly. Additionally, play down this information as passing for link purposes. Condense. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 137) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:25, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) *"There, Sith Lords and Dark Jedi had joined the separatists and were marching to the Iziz Royal Palace, accompanied by Sith wranglers and their huge beasts. Vaklu was stopped, and Colonel Tobin became part of Kreia's deception to draw out Darth Nihilus." Okay. A couple of things:
 * 139) ** First, the two sentences are disjunctive. A lot is missing from here. "Valku was stopped" explains nothing. A sentence or two (plus a link) about the Second Battle of Onderon would be very useful here.
 * 140) ***Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:54, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 141) ** Then, expand slightly upon Kreia's plan to use Tobin as a pawn. (A lot of pawning and manipulating is happening at this time, and it would be beneficial to make certain the readers know who is manipulating who.)
 * 142) ***Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:24, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 143) * "&hellip;she told Tobin that it was there that the Jedi were hiding." What's so special about Telos, then? Jedi were hiding all over the galaxy.
 * 144) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:24, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 145) *"When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet, Republic Admiral Carth Onasi, aboard his flagship, the Sojourn, engaged them in conjunction a group of Mandalorians in the Battle of Telos IV." This needs to be reworded and contextified. Why were the Mandos there? Who allied with who? Anyone else present? Was the battle entirely in space? What role did the Exile have in setting it up? Kreia? etc.
 * 146) **How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:40, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 147) ***"When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet, the Republic Navy was there to meet him, working with Canderous Ordo's Mandalorians who were there to assist the Exile and their Mandalore, starting the Battle of Telos IV." Reword this and, if necessary, break it up so it is clear and flows better. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 148) ****This better? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:29, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 149) * "Realizing that he had been betrayed, Nihilus had no choice but to feed upon Telos anyway, or his hunger would have consumed him." Does he actually realize his betrayal, or is he more intent on feeding than anything else? Clarify.
 * 150) **Is this good? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:24, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) ***First part was better; I fixed the last part. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 152) *"Nihilus's ship was assaulted and boarded by the Mandalorians, and the Mandalore accompanied both the Exile and Visas Marr on their fight to the bridge of the ship and to the final confrontation with Nihilus." First, was this part of the plan? A couple words of context would help. Next, this sentence is a run-on. Break it up, into at least two sentences.
 * 153) **Fixed? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:04, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 154) ***I cannot seem to find the changes. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 155) ****"Nihilus's ship was assaulted and boarded by the Mandalorians in a coordinated final strike against Nihilus. The Mandalore led his troops to and aboard the Ravager, while covered by the Republic forces, to assist the Exile and Visas Marr in their fight to the bridge of the ship." NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 156) *"Twisted by the dark side from exposure to Nihilus's dark powers in the time since Kreia saved him, he agreed to help the Mandalorians detonate the charges after he realized that it would only be a matter of time until Onderon would meet the same fate as Telos if Nihilus was to succeed." Run-on.
 * 157) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:38, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 158) ***It is not technically a run-on, now, but it needs to be smoother and less wordy. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 159) ****How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:35, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 160) * "Before the final confrontation, Marr had a chance to visit her old meditation chamber, stopping to meditate for a moment and finally coming to terms with the destruction of her homeworld, forsaking vengeance and fully embracing the light side of the Force." Run-on.
 * 161) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:25, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 162) ***Defunct. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 163) *"During the final showdown with Nihilus, the Exile, whose tie to the Force had previously been severed and whose leech-like nature was of the same nature as Nihilus's, could not be consumed by him, so when he tried, he exhausted himself and was made vulnerable." Run-on and very convoluted.
 * 164) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:56, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 165) ***Still very convoluted. The "Nihilus, he" is very awkward, for one. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 166) ****How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 167) ***Also, I do not really like the "leech-like" analogy. Is that from TSL? If not, reword. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 168) ****Changed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 169) * "They engaged in a quick fight, with the Dark Lord seemingly too strong to defeat, then the Exile learned of his aversion to her and turned the tide." Run-on.
 * 170) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 07:56, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 171) * "Marr entered a trance and tried to disrupt the link with her former Master, undermining his connection to the Force." This sentence does not quite make sense. I think you are referring to their Force bond, but I am not certain.
 * 172) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:14, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 173) *"The three of them managed to defeat him and escape the vessel's destruction, but before making for the orbital shuttle they used to board the ship, his mask was removed by Marr, who wanted to see the face of the one who had wounded her." Run-on. Also, do not use "managed" for this. It implies that it was an impossible upset and is passive.
 * 174) **Broken up. 06:14, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 175) ***Please fix the other part, too. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 176) ****I did, I think. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:12, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 177) *"The Sith lived on after the fall of the Sith Triumvirate." It would be beneficial to contextify this since Nihilus was not the only member of the Triumvirate.
 * 178) **Clairified. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:09, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 179) *"At some point during his life, Darth Nihilus created a holocron that eventually fell into the hands of Darth Krayt several millennia later after the Sith had reclaimed the galaxy for the first time since the fall of the Galactic Empire." Run-on.
 * 180) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:12, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 181) *In the sentence about the holocrons, it would be better to link directly to the holocron instead of the dark lords.
 * 182) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:41, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 183) * "The only response he received from Nihilus was a statement in the Sith Lord's peculiar language, which his comrades didn't bother to translate." Contraction-alert? Also, 'did not bother to' is too idiomatic for this type of writing.
 * 184) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:12, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 185) ***I fixed this one. I still had to eliminate the contraction. Please do not use them in the articles. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 186) *So you know, I have broken a lot of run-on sentences up since reviewing began. Please be aware of this as you are writing and doing a copy edit. Also, there were a some spelling and minor grammar mistakes in some of the earlier corrections which have been fixed. Take your time with these objections and do not rush through them. It is better to take a little longer and to do the best job possible the first time. The article is on its way, with the biography now done with the first run through. It has a lot of promise, Naru, so do not be discouraged. At the same time, keep a watchful eye out for details such as lacking context or runon sentences. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:44, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 187) **I also echo Acky's remarks below. In some cases, the information itself is not bad, rather it is the presentation that is found wanting. Context can be given without offering a play-by-play of the game. Once the outstanding objections are addressed, we will go back through the biography and hash it out again to clean up loose ends. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:19, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 188) Remember you're not writing a summary of the game. Things like "Just before the Exile's return to Republic space, Nihilus allied himself with General Vaklu" and "When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet, Republic Admiral Carth Onasi, aboard his flagship, the Sojourn" and "was healed by Kreia who told him that she was a Vakluist and instructed him to inform Nihilus of an active Jedi Academy on Telos IV" don't read like they're from Nihilus's bio. It should be like "Nihilus was informed of the message, and then took the Ravager to Telos." The penultimate paragraph in that section is an offender. It looks like a summary. "Before the final confrontation" - later events shouldn't be mentioned like that, unless it's the Battle of Yavin or somesuch. There's loads of extraneous information there - Visas visiting the chamber isn't relevant to Nihilus, and if it is, the article needs to convey that. "During the final showdown with Nihilus, the Exile's leech-like nature, due to her tie to the Force being cut at the end of the Battle of Malachor V, that was of the same nature as Nihilus's could not be consumed by him" could be clarified/broken up. Be careful when using pronouns; sometimes it's unclear who or what's being referred to. E.g. "When Nihilus and his fleet arrived near the planet" (last planet mentioned was Malachor, in previous sentence) and "Though he realized too late that there were no Force-sensitives in the Academy, his hunger drove him to still try to absorb Telos anyway or it would consume the Sith Lord" (last two people mentioned were Carth and Mandalore). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:16, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 189) *I've read through the entire article again and I believe I have corrected these. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:20, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm horrible with BtS reviewing, so I won't do that. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 03:06, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. 03:59, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Remove nomination (AgriCorps vote only)
 * 1) Sure, there has been activity on this as recently as April 2, but there have been no responses to things left back in March, even. This has been here since before Christmas and I believe that it should not sit here any longer.  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:31, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Gelesi

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:54, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: In the name of the Face of Revan!

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 03:48, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:01, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) You need to provide some more context in the bio section regarding his choice to support the Queen. I know it is mentioned in the intro, but needs to be in the bio as well. Also, doesn't it need light-side tags seeing as the dark-side path is in the Bts? --Eyrezer 04:04, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *It is mentioned in the Bio and I've added the tags. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **The addition you made to the intro re the Queen is good. But what I was suggesting is that the extra context should be placed in the Biography section, rather than the intro. As it is currently, the intro has more info of the Queen/Vaklu conflict than the biography. --Eyrezer 21:30, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***How's this? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:31, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Yep.
 * 6) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 7) * Was the CSWE checked?
 * 8) **Yes, I'm told there is nothing significant. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Young" is pretty subjective. Please remove.
 * 10) **Removed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * Mentioning that he lives in Iziz, and not just plain Onderon, is essential in both the intro and bio.
 * 12) **Done
 * 13) * Context for Talia's and Vaklu's ideals in the intro.
 * 14) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:42, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Context for the Onderon Civil War in the intro.
 * 16) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:46, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * Context for the Second Battle of Onderon in the intro.
 * 18) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:42, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Do we know he was only one of three total Captains of the Guard for Iziz? It sounds speculative.
 * 20) **Yes we do. That girl who wants them gone if the Exile sides with Vaklu says so. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "Gelesi did not fall victim to a murder" – This is pretty evident. It's also pretty much unnecessary. Please either reword considerably or remove.
 * 22) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * Context for the Jedi Exile.
 * 24) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:42, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Context for Kavar.
 * 26) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:20, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * There is zero setup for the political situation. Please expand the bio with the necessary information.
 * 28) * From the intro and P&T, I can tell that this article is far from complete in terms of telling his story as part of the larger situation. Please expand it appropriately. I'll continue my review at that point. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:10, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Cylka:
 * 30) * Iziz wasn't a major or a large city on Onderon, it was the only city. Please change the intro and article body to reflect this.
 * 31) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Was Sullio his good friend? If she was, you need to add that to the article proper as well.
 * 33) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * You give two different versions of Sullio's murder -- one in the intro the other in the article body. Please correct them so that they will be the same.
 * 35) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * In the introduction, I believe everything will flow a bit more smoothly if you introduce the political situation first, then the fact that Gelesi is torn between them.
 * 37) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * wanted to secede from the Rebublic as they felt it was dragging Onderon into to many conflicts. - What is this it, that is dragging Onderon into too many conflicts? Please clarify.
 * 39) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * He was among the soldiers that verified a visa belonging to the Jedi Exile, a woman in search of any surviving Jedi High Council members to help her in eliminating the Sith Triumvirate, as she was in a rush to leave the planet. - There is almost zero context for any of this information. We really don't know who the Exile was, or why she was an Exile. What exactly happened to the Jedi High Council, in that there are only survivors. Who is the Sith Triumvirate, and why do they need to be eliminated. And why is she in a rush to leave the planet? You either need to give some context or you need to streamline the information that you are going to give.
 * 41) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:42, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * Why did the Onderon Civil War start? And I believe that you should pipelink the Second Battle of Onderon, otherwise you will have to explain why it is the second battle and not the first.
 * 43) **That is explained because the political situation escalated. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * I'm not sure that you can say that Gelesi was the youngest of the three Captains. That is a bit subjective. Same with him being Human. What is your source for that?
 * 45) **He is obviously human. He even has the face of a confirmed human. If you argue that, what is the source for Bostuco, Andi, Carth, or Jolee? There are no Cylons in Star Wars. Also, Andi calls him the youngest of the guards so the info is valid. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * I also wouldn't say that the Republic dragged Onderon into the wars. It was more like Onderon, as part of the Republic, had a responsibility to take part in these wars.
 * 47) **The opinion of the Vakluists was that they were "dragging" them into the conficts but I have an idea for a compromise on this one though it may be a bit wordy.
 * 48) * though in actuality the Hawk was the one attacked by the Onderon Military. - Why was the Hawk attacked by the Onderon Military?
 * 49) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * The Exile was in a rush to escape the planet after a meeting with Kavar, a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who went into hiding following an event that crippled the Jedi Order's numbers, that was interrupted by an attack by Vaklu's men. - This sentence is a bit disjointed. It appears that you just slapped some information in the middle of a previous sentence without trying to integrate the new information. Whay was the Exile in a rush? You need to contextify this "event" a bit more. What was interrupted by Vaklu's men?
 * 51) **Done, as well, It states that the meeting between Kavar and the Exile is interrupted. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * By the time the Exile returned, after meeting with another Master, Onderon had fallen into full-scale civil war between the Royalists and Vakluist faction. - Why did the Exile return? I believe that you can cut out the part about her meeting another Master, since it has nothing to do with this article.
 * 53) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * The Exile took a military command of the Royalist forces and pressed across the Sky Ramp, a walkway to the Iziz Royal Palace, fighting her way to the top alongside Bostuco and his men. - Why did the Exile take military command, and why did they need to get to the Palace? And to the top of what did they fight their way?
 * 55) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * You should make it clear right from the start, and not the end, that the non-canonical version means that the Exile has sided with Vakklu from the beginning.
 * 57) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * In the Bts, why did Anda want the removal of the three Captains?
 * 59) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * Who are the Beast Riders? They need some context in the Bts.
 * 61) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * Another way to remove him is to have Panar, a Beast Rider working under Bakkel who frequented the Beast Rider's Den in the cantina, threaten to kidnap and marry his four-year old daughter if she chooses to support General Vaklu. - You need to fix your use of pronouns in this sentence. It is quite unclear who thinks what.
 * 63) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:42, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * What do you mean about being dark sided. Some one who is not familiar with the game, may not understand this.
 * 65) **Contextified. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * I believe that the Prima Guide needs to be listed as a source as well.
 * 67) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Again there are numerous spelling mistakes along with many linking issues. You also need to check your use of pronouns. Please check over the whole article.
 * 69) **There was only three, if you see it then take the 2 seconds it takes you using your internet and do it.
 * 70) * Please take care of these objections and I will look over the article again. I realize that some of my objections may fall under, but you have already promoted three articles to GA status, and so you know what kinds of things to look out for. Each of your previous articles, plus the ones that you currently have on the GAN page all have the same issues with them. You make the changes necessary to fix objections, but they appear to be somewhat hasty, and at times create additional issues. At this point, I am not inclined to give you much leeway. You have had plenty of time and practice to learn the ropes. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 12:04, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) **Look, I'm a bad speller, I haven't taken a spelling test since 5th grade. I do well enough and I ask that if you see it, fix it. As well, I know the ropes well enough, I've been a wookieepedian longer than you so I ask that you please take your expectations of me and leave them at the door. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ***Look, Naru, the "I've been a wookieepedian longer than you" bit is unneeded and I don't like what you're implying with that. Cylka is right in that you should not be making the same mistakes over and over. Anyway, in the future, put the article into Word and spellcheck it. That's what I do before nominating things, and it works.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:06, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ****Yes, that was probably uncalled for but I assure you that there were no implications with it. And yes, I'll do that from now on not that I hadn't already done that in the past. However, by striking her objections without voting, Cylka has made her opinion quite obvious and I see no use of prolonging this conversation.  NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:02, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) Soresu
 * 75) * The Exile was in a rush to escape the planet after a meeting with Kavar, a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who had went into hiding due to the crippling of the Jedi Order by the Triumvirate, that was interrupted, as Kavar was a Royalist, by an attack by Vaklu's men. This doesn't flow very well. Reword slightly.
 * 76) **Is this better? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) * There is a non-canonical ending of the game, as supporting Taila's faction is considered canon, the Jedi Exile, at the request of a Vaklu supporter named Anda, who wanted the removal of the three Captains of the Guard to weaken the Royalist military in preparation for the attack on the Royal Palace and was willing to pay the Exile twenty-five hundred credits for each one she removed. This sentence is dangling. There needs to be a bit at the end explaining what the Exile chooses to do. Since the second part of the sentence is just context, at the moment, it's reading like "There is a non-canonical ending of the game, as supporting Taila's faction is considered canon, the Jedi Exile, at the request of a Vaklu supporter named Anda." SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:52, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ordo Skirata

 * Nominated by:ToRsO bOy 18:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First article. Oh boy.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Your first vote. Good job! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 04:44, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice job :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:15, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

Object . I don't know why we do it like that, but it's the precedent.
 * 1) Grunny's preliminary look
 * 2) *Before I get into the depth of the article, at a glance:
 * 3) ** Infobox needs to be completely sourced.
 * 4) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ** Intro paragraphs should be combined into two paragraphs, to clean it up.
 * 6) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ** "It is not known whether he lived to a ripe old age but chances are he may have, as his brother Jaing was still alive by 40 ABY; openly admitting that they did find a way to stop their accelerated aging." This is speculative and OR, clean it up so it only provides information given in the source.
 * 8) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 00:37, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ** You should combine some of the the shorter paragraphs in the Bio. For example, the first two paragraphs in "Training and childhood" should really be combined.
 * 10) ***Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Over/underlinking: Make sure you link once in the intro and once in the article body.
 * 12) ***Question: If something has already been linked on the article body, there's no need to link it again somewhere down further correct?--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Correct :). Check through for instances of overlinking.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:25, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *****Another question though. Is the biography part separate from the BTS, Personality and traits and talents part? Meaning if I linked something in the bio, do I still have to link then anew on those other parts? --ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ******No, the biography, P&t, talents, and Bts are all part of the article body so you only need to link once in the intro and once in the article body :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:42, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *******That explains a lot. Fixed. --ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ********Found one or two more overlinks so as I'll strike this objection after I've worked through the whole article :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:33, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ** Check for superfluous references.
 * 19) ***Trimmed those down to two instead of three. Is that ok?--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ****Not exactly what I meant; I meant check through for instances where you reference the same source twice in a row, though I think I just removed the last ones :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:25, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *I'll read the article in depth soon :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:26, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Much thanks.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Good work so far. I'll review the article fully soon :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:25, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) Soresu
 * 25) * Some things in the infobox are unsourced.
 * 26) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * You can't prove that Ordo was born in 32 BBY, unless it was specifically stated. (see a number of clone GA/FA's.)
 * 28) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * A bit of info is required on how the Nulls were created (who, what, when, where, why) at the beginning of the biography.
 * 30) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 00:37, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Change 'unfortunately' to something else. It's slightly POV to use such words.
 * 32) ****Removed. --ToRsO bOy 00:05, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * Context on Kal Skirata, Battle of Geonosis
 * 34) **Can you elaborate a bit? I'm not sure I understand. --ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***You need to explain what they are, so that the reader doesn't have to click through to the page to learn that information. For example, Ordo and the Nulls were deployed along with majority of the clone troopers at the Battle of Geonosis. You need to tell us a bit about the battle. I would suggest something similar to ...Battle of Geonosis, the opening battle of the war between the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Galactic Republic. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:22, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ****Gotcha. Added. --ToRsO bOy 00:05, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * You've used the quote template which bolds the speaker's name. Most articles use
 * 1) **Will do. Though I saw some other GA's with bolded quotes.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * The Jedi Master went in to negotiate the release of the hostages but was caught with a hidden strip-cam. His booby-trapped body was tossed out of the front door where it exploded. Okay, he was detected by a hidden device. Then you suddenly jump to him being booby-trapped and thrown out the front door. Is there a missing sentence about him being captured and having a bomb placed in his body?
 * 3) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * This is a shoot-to kill policy. It isn't shoot-to-kill?
 * 5) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * There he met Supervisor Besany Wennen, who at that time was also working undercover. Did Ordo actually know she was undercover?
 * 7) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * in order to hunt Chief Scientist Ko Sai. Chief scentist of what?
 * 9) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * In 'Return to Tipoca city', you jump to extracting Mereel and his data on cloning without first stating their intentions to slow down the aging process.
 * 11) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *I will do the rest soon, I just saved this so Grunny doesn't steal my job :-). SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:32, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Much appreciated.--ToRsO bOy 12:40, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Soresu's review continues
 * 15) * All of the Nulls would again meet months later at Laseema's apartment due to Jaing Skirata's spy program being discovered in the Treasury computer networks. What spy program? This was never said earlier in the Bio
 * 16) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Aliit, then. Our clan." What is aliit?
 * 18) **Changed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ***Oh, my apologies. That was more of a question than an objection. I was just wondering what aliit meant. The quote is better with that line on, sorry about that. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Context on Ovolot Qail Uthan and Arla Fett.
 * 21) **Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Ordo tried vainly to resuscitate her but to no avail. Vainly is redundant.
 * 23) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * They all arrived safely on Mandalore Are we forgetting about Etain? ?
 * 25) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Despite being extremely lethal and dangerous, Ordo's sole weakness was his vulnerability to the approval of Skirata. POV
 * 27) **Question: It was stated explicitly in the novel. Does that still count? Reworded.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***The rewording seems to have removed the POV. When it's stated in the novel, that's pretty much what you should try and do. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * You could add some things into the P&T, such as his capacity for love (evidenced by marriage), his belief in Mandalorian customs (marriage ceremony), and his indifference to killing others (such as when he shot Lemmeloth in the head, and when he left Zey to die.
 * 30) **Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Ordo was an even better soldier compared to a regular clone trooper Better is POV.
 * 32) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * In talents and abilities, you should note his ability to use different firearms such as the Verpine, and his combat training, which made him an able fighter (evidenced by events such as the hostage seige).
 * 34) **Added.--ToRsO bOy 02:34, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Bts expansion. I'm sure there's more info out there.
 * 36) **I honestly don't know what else to add or where I can find them. Do you have any suggestions? I thought I'd look into Karen's blogs but all of them have been discontinued. --ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***Well, Bts review was never my strength, but you could mention something about the other sources, such as O66 and True Colors expanding on his later life. I'm really not sure what else there is on him, but any sort of info about his developent and any canon discrepancies should also go here. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) ****Added more info. --ToRsO bOy 00:28, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * The last paragraph of the Bts needs to be sourced.
 * 40) **Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) *Not bad for a first go, especially considering the size of the article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:54, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * I can't believe I only realised this just now. Shouldn't the article name be Null-11? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 08:12, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **I raised a similar question but got nowhere. --ToRsO bOy 23:55, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***In that thread, you said that his full name Ordo Skirata was used in the book. If that is true, (sorry, I haven't read the book) then the article doesn't need to be moved. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 02:27, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) ****As far as I can recall he hasn't been referred to by his full name yet. Sorry for the misunderstanding but what I meant in that thread was he and Jaing were the only two Nulls that have their full name on their Wookieepedia pages. Jaing is the only that's been referred to by his full name on Sacrifice.--ToRsO bOy 04:51, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ***** So, will this be moved to Null-11? And per my and Cylka's posts in the comments section, you should use first names in this article, since there are multiple Skiratas. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 05:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ******Is that even necessary? I don't mean to start a debate but he's already deserted the GAR so we know he won't be using N-11 anymore. He's also been formally adopted by Kal so there shouldn't any problems with his full name being used. Btw, already changed all the Skiratas into Kal. --ToRsO bOy 11:45, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) *******I see your reasoning. Just two remaining objections from me left. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:34, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *******I've already addressed the BT part. What's the other objection I've missed? --ToRsO bOy 00:28, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ********No, you already got it. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 09:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Grunny Part Deux:
 * 52) *Intro:
 * 53) ** Jango Fett needs some context.
 * 54) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) ** Kal Skirata needs a little context.
 * 56) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) ** Order 66 needs context.
 * 58) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) ** For clarity, you need to connect the Confederacy of Independent Systems to the Clone Wars as the opponents of the GAR.
 * 60) ***Connected.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) ** Besany Wennen also needs some context as to who she was.
 * 62) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) *Bio – Training and childhood
 * 64) ** You need to mention his name as Null-11 and that he was also known as Ordo at the start of the Bio.
 * 65) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) ** You need to mention that he was an Advanced Recon Commando and a Null-class Advanced Recon Commandos. There should be no information in the intro that isn't covered in the article body.
 * 67) ***I added the Null part on the bio; while the Arc bit on the Arca Barracks siege section as I deemed it more appropriate.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Fair enough :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ** Jango Fett needs some context.
 * 70) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ** Orun Wa needs some context, i.e. "Kaminoan scientist Orun Wa" or something similar.
 * 72) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ** Darman needs context.
 * 74) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ** Boba Fett needs some context.
 * 76) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ** "Their test scores were too high to be measured but psychological tests indicated they were unstable and too insubordinate to be used in combat." This could be worded better. What are the first test scores?
 * 78) ***Reworded.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ** "They were the prototypes for the Grand Army of the Republic." This could probably be combined into the first sentence for a more complex writing style.
 * 80) ***Fixed--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ** There are a few short choppy sentences like the one above (i.e. "Fett and Kal were informed by Orun Wa of the Null's impending termination. Kal opposed the decision and began arguing to spare them." and "The Nulls were sequestered from the other clones under Kal's care."); for a better writing style try to combine or expand some of them.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) ***Added--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) *Bio - The Clone Wars - Arca Barracks siege
 * 84) ** You mention the Cone Wars in the title but you need to mention it explicitly in the text. It is an important event that should be named explicitly.
 * 85) ***Added.--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) ** "The six of them started a siege on the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks, managing to hold off special operation squads and the Coruscant Security Force." It needs more clarification as to why they would siege a Republic Barracks.
 * 87) ***Fixed--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) **** "The Nulls showed their refusal by shutting down the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks and starting an armed siege." I think this could be worded better, maybe something like "Not content with their dismissal" or whatever makes the most sense in explaining why they would siege a Republic barracks.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) *****Fixed.--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) ****** This sentence is proving troublesome :P: "The Nulls were terrified of being chilled down and showed their refusal by shutting down the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks" Why would they be terrified of being chilled down?  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:42, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) *******It wasn't exactly stated why. Kal just gave a vague explanation along the lines of "you need to understand what happened to them as kids.". In order to avoid speculating, would using this line work? "The Nulls were terrified of being chilled down and put into stasis, similar to the Alpha-class ARC prior to the Battle of Kamino. They showed their refusal by shutting down the Special Forces SO Brigade HQ Barracks" --ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) ********Yes, that should work :-). Remember to reference the info about the Alpha's to the appropriate source.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:33, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) *********Added the source.--ToRsO bOy 17:58, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) *I'll review in sections; right now though, make sure everything has context on its first mention.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 02:37, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) **Thanks again--ToRsO bOy 23:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *Bio - The Clone Wars - Galactic City spaceport hostage siege
 * 97) ** "The situation took a turn for the worse with the death of Jedi Master Kaim. The Jedi Master went in to negotiate the release of the hostages but was caught with a hidden strip-cam. The hostage takers retaliated by killing him, and planting a bomb on his body. His booby-trapped corpse was tossed out of the front door where it exploded." The first two sentences could be combined to provide the information in a more chronological fashion, i.e. instead of mentioning Kaim's death and then explaining how he died, maybe "The situation took a turn for the worse when Jedi Master Kaim went in to negotiate the release of the hostages but was caught with a hidden strip-cam."  Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:22, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ***Fixed--ToRsO bOy 11:39, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) *Bio - The Clone Wars - Mission to Coruscant
 * 100) ** What a black operation is, needs to be explained when first mentioned.
 * 101) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) ** Dha Werda Verda needs some context.
 * 103) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) ** "considering it as his due when he struck Maze in the nose days before." Could be worded better.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 03:42, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 20:24, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) *Bio - The Clone Wars - Hunt for Ko Sai
 * 107) ** Context on Boss needed; since it's pipelinked, it's unclear he was a clone trooper.
 * 108) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 17:58, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ** "Owing to his eidetic memory, they were able to rescue Vau deep beneath the ice tunnels by utilizing the things he remembered from the ships manual." Please clarify who the "he"s refers to as right now it is unclear.
 * 110) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 17:58, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) ** I think this could be worded a little better: "Ordo was faced with Sai once more since his early days on Kamino." And you should try to clarify what "his frame of mind" was.
 * 112) ***Done.--ToRsO bOy 17:58, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) *Good work so far :-). I'll try to pick up the pace of this review :-P.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 15:33, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) **I've noticed the comments are coming in regularly now. Much obliged.=p --ToRsO bOy 17:58, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) Attack of the Clone I
 * 116) * Please be careful about using semi-colons; several could have been filled by commas, which I changed. Additionally, try to avoid using contractions.
 * 117) **I'm sorry but is this a comment or an objection? --ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ***It's more of just something to keep in mind for the future; sorry for not clarifying. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) * Also, please be careful of overusing indirect articles such as "he", "she", "them", etc., particularly after long sentences in which the term could apply to a number of people instead of just one. I wasn't able to correct all of them, seeing as how I don't know myself who you were talking about.
 * 120) **Noted.--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) * Slightly confusing, because although the article is named "Ordo Skirata", only "Ordo" is mentioned and bolded in the intro. "Skirata" (as part of Ordo's name) should be mentioned somewhere in the intro.
 * 122) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) * Just a note: I moved the context for the Clone Wars in the intro to where it is first mentioned.
 * 124) **Ok.--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) * "The clones only saw the Nulls around Tipoca City when they were running wild, stealing equipment or sabotaging systems." "Running wild" is a bit colloquial, and as such does not seem to be an important action. Please change if possible.
 * 126) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) ***"Out of control" is still undefined. Out of control doing what? Training?
 * 128) ****The book only said "Running wild". For me to actually state what they were doing would cross the line of speculation. Maybe it's better if I just remove the line altogether?--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) *****Just that bit needs to be removed, I think. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) ******Removed.--ToRsO bOy 04:35, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 131) * "After years of training on Kamino, Ordo and the Nulls were deployed along with the majority of the clone troopers at the Battle of Geonosis, serving as Advanced Recon Commandos. It was the opening battle of the Clone Wars, a major conflict between the Confederacy of Independent Systems and the Galactic Republic." These two sentences need to be merged and/or reworded. The first mention of the Battle of Geonosis should include its context, but not so that it sounds grammatically awkward.
 * 132) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 133) * Even though it sounds like it's an official term, "chilled down" sounds colloquial. Please change if possible. Also, "talk the Nulls down" in a later sentence is also colloquial; this should be changed.
 * 134) **Done. A question though, do the words count as colloquial even if the book actually uses the exact same term?--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 135) ***Well, it's best to try to avoid using slang, because that's what it seems to be. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) * "...due to the fact that nobody could command them." The subject should come first, meaning that it should be edited to "...because they were not commandable"; I didn't change it because it needs to be reworded, and I'm not sure how you'd like to do it yourself.
 * 137) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) * "When a supposedly dead employee, Vinna Jiss, appeared in the office, Ordo and Etain tracked her down to an alley, where a brief skirmish occurred." It's confusing as to when the skirmish occured, whether previously or during their investigations.
 * 139) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) ***Using "later" makes it seem like it took later, and not when they were tracking her. I changed it, but please correct me if I'm wrong. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 141) * "an oral command that Kal had drilled his commandos with": awkward grammar, please rephrase.
 * 142) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 143) ***Fixed it up a little; just so you know, there was a contraction there as well as a present-tense verb. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 144) * "They took the two captive..." Who were the two? Please try to avoid using indirect addresses when starting a new paragraph.
 * 145) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 146) * "Ordo took it hard that he did not figure out the fake employee was a shapeshifter: colloquial, please reword.
 * 147) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 148) * "The contact explained that the original meet up they agreed on days before was no longer possible, due to one of their people being arrested." The sentence itself is confusing; I believe you mean "meet-up", but I didn't change anything because I'm unsure of what you're trying to say. Also, who was "their people"? This sentence needs a check to reword and rephrase.
 * 149) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 150) * "Asked for his opinion on what they ought to do, he concurred with Kal that Darman was not ready to know yet." Second part of the sentence is grammatically awkward.
 * 151) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 152) * "Because of Ordo's eidetic memory, they were able to rescue Vau deep beneath the ice tunnels by utilizing the things he remembered from the ship's manual." Reworded this sentence; also, please change "things" to something less colloquial.
 * 153) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 154) * "His troubled frame of mind was not helped when he heard the news of Fi's injury in the Battle of Gaftikar.": "not helped" doesn't match the sentence and should be changed.
 * 155) * "in order to hide Etain's pregnancy and Sai." These two should not be paired and mentioned together in this way; one's a person and one's a state of the body. Perhaps say "as well as Sai" or something along those lines.
 * 156) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 157) * "It was a safe refuge that Kal commissioned Rav Bralor": it's unclear as to what you mean by a "safe refuge."
 * 158) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 159) ***I changed it, since it still wasn't really making sense. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 160) * "The scientist's research, however, actually still existed." At first, it was unclear if this pertained to the clones or Sai; mention that Sai was unaware of this to clarify.
 * 161) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 162) * "They had a talk where Ordo tried to placate Wennen's uneasiness with the nature of his job." First off, the conversation is not a location; therefore, "where" should not be used. Also, "they had a talk" can be changed to something less colloquial.
 * 163) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 164) * "Over dinner, Ordo presented her with the Shoroni sapphires Vau gave him on the day he and Kal rescued Vau on Mygeeto. He then asked her point blank if she wanted to marry him. She said yes and Ordo married her on the spot by making her recite with him a short Mandalorian marriage contract." The second sentence is too choppy, and it can be merged with the first. Also, the third sentence is too colloquial with the use of "she said yes" and "on the spot", and it's also a little confusing.
 * 165) **Done--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 166) *I had to stop reviewing before "Reunion of the Nulls"; I'll continue the review later when I have time. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 07:28, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 167) **Thanks--ToRsO bOy 06:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 168) Attack of the Clone I, part II
 * 169) * "With the news of Kal's missing biological daughter, Ruusaan Skirata, plus the matter of his brother Kom'rk being out on the field for a long time, prompted Ordo to call all the Nulls together." First of all, I removed the "with"; it didn't make sense. Second, the "plus" makes the sentence colloquial.
 * 170) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 171) * "...noticed by Ensign Luszgoti, a well-disliked officer who was also part of COMPOR." It's well-liked; "well-disliked" does not exist. Please change.
 * 172) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 173) * "Hours later, Ordo and Mereel stood close to Kal..." Does not make sense. Maybe say "stood with", but please do not "stood close to".
 * 174) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 175) * "Aside from discussing the possibility of Zey knowing that it was indeed Jaing's work..." The "possibility" subject is rather grammatically awkward; please change.
 * 176) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 177) ***I think you might have misunderstood what I meant, but I changed it for you. I meant to change what the possibility was, not the word "possibility" itself. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 178) * "Aside from discussing the possibility of Zey knowing that it was indeed Jaing's work, they held a small meeting, where Kal outlined their current objectives which were establishing a new source of information, his daughter Ruusan's rescue and the cure for the accelerated aging of clones." Run-on, please rephrase.
 * 179) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 180) * "When an arrest order for Kal was issued, Ordo made sure that he was safe on Aay'han before going to the Arca Barracks." "He" who? He himself, or Kal?
 * 181) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 182) * Please keep everything in the past tense; I'm noticing a few places that are inconsistently written in present. I changed what I saw, but I might not have been able to get every single one.
 * 183) **Noted--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 184) * Also, please try to avoid using "then"; it gives an excessive sense of chronology.
 * 185) **Noted--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 186) * "Ordo went to the barracks and informed Zey, albeit with a scathing remark regarding High Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi." Informed him of what? "Inform" is a transitive verb that requires a direct object, i.e. "Ordo informed Zey of their plan" or whatever it was.
 * 187) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 188) ***Is the remark about Kenobi necessary? If it is, please make it clearer as to who said it. I know that Ordo said it, but when I first read it, it was a little confusing. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 189) ****Yes. It's one of the examples of how Ordo dislikes the Jedi Order. Reworded. --ToRsO bOy 04:35, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 190) * "...Ordo offered him a piece of ruik root and commented on his lack of retaliation to Ordo's tirade against Zey and the Jedi Order." This sentence is inconsistent as far as who it talks about, and the use of "his" is even more confusing.
 * 191) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 192) * "He was present with Darman, Niner..." Who is "he"?
 * 193) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 194) * "They all arrived on Mandalore..." Who are "they"?
 * 195) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 196) * "Their capacity for loyalty was greatly enhanced; they were either your best friend or your worst enemy." The use of "your" is not specific; I recommend not incorporating the reader in the article.
 * 197) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 198) * "...making Kal realize that he did not always know what he was thinking." Making who realize what who was thinking?
 * 199) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 200) * "Ordo tried to be on Kal's side as much as possible": confusing and slightly colloquial, please change.
 * 201) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 202) * "Ordo knew that he lacked a certain awareness that most humans had and took for granted; though he was careful not to offend the feelings of those he cared about." What is this awareness? (Just a note: I made a minor revision to this sentence.)
 * 203) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 204) * "...as he was raised not to think of them as his betters." Please change "betters" to something more specific.
 * 205) **Done--ToRsO bOy 07:56, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 206) ***Good work; I believe there's only two objections somewhere above remaining. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:30, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 207) * CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 00:23, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 208) Grunny III:
 * 209) * Bio - The Clone Wars - Hunt for Ko Sai: What a Cuy'val Dar is needs some explanation.
 * 210) **Done.--ToRsO bOy 04:12, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 211) * Bio - The Clone Wars - Reunion of the Nulls: "They needed to establish a new source of information, now that Jaing's spy program had been discovered, and also needed to plan his daughter Ruusaan's rescue and find the cure for the clones' accelerated aging." Could be worded better to avoid using two "and"s in this way.
 * 212) **Done.--ToRsO bOy 04:12, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 213) * File:ARC Captain Ordo.jpg should be a thumbnail with a caption. Also see if you can place in some related images, such as of Kal Skirata as he plays a major part in the bio. It will help illustrate the article :-).
 * 214) **Done.--ToRsO bOy 04:12, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 215) *Getting close :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:31, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 216) **What happens after you cast your vote? Do I wait for the other Agricorps to review the article? Or do I leave a request on their talk pages? I'm just not sure how to proceed next. Thanks. :)--ToRsO bOy 04:12, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 217) ***CC7567's comment on your talk page is good answer :).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 12:15, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * A question to the ACs: Would it be permissible to use first names in this article? There are 7 Skiratas, and it gets really confusing trying to figure out who's who. Can an exception be made? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie ) 07:54, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, that is something that is generally done. If there are two or more individuals with the same last name, then the first name is used to differentiate between them. After quickly glancing at this article, I would say that it is necessary in this instance. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 10:05, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Darth Bandon

 * Nominated by: -- Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:28, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Again, Bandon should join his Master as a GA.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:28, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cool dude, kind of went down too easy in the game though. Kilson Likes PIE 15:15, 18 March 09 (UTC)
 * 2) All my pre-nom objections were addressed satisfactorily by a young Jedi named Kasra. —Tommy  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 16:28, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 18:45, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 02:17, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Kilson's thoughts
 * 2) * You should put in that Revan found the fourth star map on either Tatooine, Kashyyyk, Korriban, or Manaan in the Search for Bastilla and downfall subsection.
 * 3) **The BTS section explains this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * You should explain more about how Bastilla saved Revan and why he was on the Endar Spire during the battle.
 * 5) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:31, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * If at all possible, you should find a picture of Malak assigning Bandon to track down Bastilla for the Search for Bastilla and downfall subsection.
 * 7) **There aren't any pictures of this, and I have no idea how to upload an image, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:52, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * You should give more context on the Star Forge and its relation to Malak and Revan earlier on in the bio.
 * 9) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:17, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * You should also explain more about Revan's search for the Star Forge.
 * 11) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:31, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Address these and I'll take another look. Overall, it's a pretty good article, just needs a bit more information.:-) Kilson Likes PIE 18:04, 17 March 09 (UTC)
 * 13) Cylka:
 * 14) * A bit of context about the Jedi Civil War is needed in the intro.
 * 15) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***More is needed besides stating who initiated the war. What exactly was the war about?
 * 17) * I believe that the Jedi were interested in capturing Revan only. Please double check this and then change the article as appropriate.
 * 18) **Malak's entry in the databank states that the trap was for both him ad Revan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ***This may be something to include in the Bts then - How there is a discrepancy in the sources. Many sources, such as the CG, game, and others, state that the trap was for Revan alone.
 * 20) ****True, but the game's loading screens also say "More than 2 years into the Sith war, the Jedi set a trap for Revan and Malak. Only Malak escaped."--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * I haven't seen any sources that use the term assassin in association with Bandon. Please check this and change if necessary.
 * 22) **Changed it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Problem is, no sources exist that list him as a Jedi hunter, either.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * When the Sith attacked the Jedi Knight Bastila Shan's ship, the Endar Spire, above the planet Taris, he boarded the ship with the Sith troops and Dark Jedi under his command, killing the Republic soldier Trask Ulgo. - Information in this sentence needs a bit more context. Why did they board Shan's ship? What did killing Ulgo have to do with anything?
 * 25) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *** You still need to add in why the Sith would attack and board her ship in the first place.
 * 27) ****Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Sometime after the destruction of Taris, the bounty hunter Calo Nord, who had been sent by Malak to capture Shan, was slain by a reconditioned Revan, who had in fact survived his apprentice's betrayal. Darth Malak then dispatched Bandon to find and capture Shan.  - Same with these sentences. What does the destruction of Taris have to do with anything? How does Nord fit into all of this? Why was Bandon then dispatched to find Shan?
 * 29) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) *** Some information needs to be added in explaining that the survivors of the Endar Spire attack landed on Taris.
 * 31) ****Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * You need to connect the Star Maps to the Star Forge a bit more clearly.
 * 33) * as Revan and his team vanquished Malak's Shadow Hand, along with his Dark Jedi. - You need to identify Bandon as Malak's Shadow Hand much earlier in the intro. Also you need to make clear that the Dark Jedi accompanied Bandon in his search for Shan.
 * 34) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * You need to make clear that Revan and Malak began the Jedi Civil War in the first section of the article.
 * 36) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * In the tradition of the Sith Order, Malak sought a single learner among his followers to become his official apprentice, someone that could learn the Sith secrets and use them effectively to destroy the Jedi and Republic - I believe that it would be better if this sentence was placed after the capture of Revan, since Malak doesn't take him as an apprentice until after Revan is captured.
 * 38) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * You need to give some kind of set up for the Raiding the Endar Spire section. The reader has no idea why the location of Shan was important to Malak.
 * 40) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * Revan, who had been rescued by Shan after Malak betrayed him and mind-wiped by the Jedi Council, was placed under Shan's command as a common Republic soldier - This needs a bit more context.
 * 42) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * When he and a Republic ensign named Trask Ulgo were attempting to reach the ship's escape pods, they ran into Bandon. - There isn't much set up for this sentence either.
 * 44) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *** Why were they rushing for the escape pods? <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 09:50, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ****Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * After Malak was told by the Sith Admiral Saul Karath of the bounty hunter Calo Nord's failure to capture Bastila Shan - Again there isn't any set up to this.
 * 48) * Bandon seemed to hold contempt for those not Force-sensitive, especially the bounty hunter Calo Nord. Before Bandon fought Revan, he had a brief conversation with the redeemed Jedi, calling Nord "pathetic". - This seems kind of speculative. I'm not sure you can connect one to the other.
 * 49) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * I think that you should explain why four Star maps are needed a bit more, in the Bts. This may be a bit confusing for people who haven't played the game. We always strive to write as if the reader knows almost nothing about the subject.
 * 51) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * The source list is out of order. Please take care of this.
 * 53) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Please take care of these objections, and I will look over the article again. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 14:06, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) Cylka, round two:
 * 56) * Context is needed in the intro and article proper as to what a Shadow hand is.
 * 57) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Both in the introduction you need to add in how the survivors of the attack on the Endar Spire landed on Taris, and how Malak ordered a blockade on the planet in order to look for Shan. This will give some context for why the planet was bombarded and Calo Nord's escape.
 * 59) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * In the year 3,959 BBY, the former Jedi Knights Revan and Malak, who were the heroes of the Mandalorian Wars, found an ancient Rakatan spacestation called the Star Forge, and named themselves the new Dark Lords of the Sith - What does one have to do with the other? Please explain this. Also, what is the Star Forge. I added in a little bit more explanation in the introduction, but please expand on this in the article body.
 * 61) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:05, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * When Malak learned of Shan's location on the Republic warship Endar Spire above the planet Taris, Bandon led the boarding party that stormed her ship. - The first part of the sentence talks about Malak, but the second part starts with Bandon. This needs to be cleared up. Malak learned of their location, and had the Sith pretty much ambush the Spire.
 * 63) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * As for some more context, it might be a good idea to add in the Nord was the one that revealed that Revan was still alive. Also, you could ad in that Saul Karath was a traitor to the Republic.
 * 65) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Revan, who had been retrained in the Jedi ways and commissioned by the Dantooine Jedi Council to find the Star Forge, - This needs a bit more explanation.
 * 67) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:40, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Was anything else said during the final confrontation between Revan and Bandon? Bandon only shows up three times in the game, so add in as many details as you can.
 * 69) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * Please take care of these objections, and the previous objections. The information regarding Bandon is basically complete, but more context is needed in regards to the surrounding circumstances. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 09:50, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * I have one last objection. I have come to believe that the introduction is too long for the length of the article. Specifically, I don't think all of the context surrounding Revan is needed, as well as Calo Nord's context. I feel that you could probably trim the intro down to three paragraphs, instead of those four. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 19:49, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Does this mean that the context on Revan having been rescued by Shan and being placed under her command isn't needed? At any rate, it's three paragraphs now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) ***I took out a bit of unneeded context in the introduction to slim it down a bit.
 * 74) * Sorry, but in the midst of earlier editing, some information has now gone missing. Context on why Malak ordered the destruction of Taris is needed in the article body. Also, please be careful about linking to articles. You want to make sure that you have the proper link written in the article, and not a redirect link. Furthermore, in the articles, try to make sure that everything possible is linked. I noticed that many links were removed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 02:33, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **I added why Malak ordered Taris' destruction. I also linked everything that could possibly be linked to, like Death or Force Immunity.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:26, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) **I added a few more Force powers to Bandon's article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:39, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Cloning around
 * 78) * Try to avoid using "who" too extensively; it causes a new (and sometimes excessive) thought to start.
 * 79) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * The first sentence of the intro is just a slight run-on; I didn't change it because it would require rewording, and I'm not sure how you would want to change it. Possibly to "...defected to the Sith Empire, during the Jedi Civil War, the war initiated..." It doesn't have to reworded to that, but I would suggest rewording it.
 * 81) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * I recommend trying to avoid using "then" where you can; it gives an excessive sense of chronology.
 * 83) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * A question: why is it "matériel"? I was going to change it to "material", but it seems that because of the different spelling, it needs to be there. Please clarify for me.
 * 85) **"Matériel" is a term used in English that refers to military equipment and supplies. Here's a couple links for it: Materiel, Materiel. Cheers.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:43, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) * "a relic of the Infinite Empire of the Rakata, who had ruled the galaxy nearly 20,000 years before": the "of" and the "who" deviate from the sentence flow, even between dashes; please reword. If "who" is going to be used, then it can be said who (or what) the Rakata were.
 * 87) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * In the second paragraph of the section "Jedi Civil War", can the mention of Malak being Revan's Sith Master moved to somewhere earlier? Up until now, it sounded like they were equal Sith Lords, and mentioning it now sounds like it changed right before the Jedi and the Republic set the trap. If that was the case, please clarify.
 * 89) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * "Bandon's strength with the dark side of the Force enabled him to use dark-sided powers such as Force lightning, and he also used the dark side to tap into his rage and direct it against his opponents. He could also use the Force..." One of the "also"'s needs to go.
 * 91) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) * "having it act like a fast-acting toxin." "Having it act" should be changed to something less grammatically awkward, perhaps to "using it as".
 * 93) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) * "In the Xbox version of the game, Bandon's double-bladed lightsaber appears to have some unusual properties that set it apart from other lightsabers. When certain crystals are added to Bandon's blade, their effects were different than they were on standard lightsabers." Switching between present and past tenses; please correct.
 * 95) **Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) ***Actually, it sounded better in present tense, and only the "their effects were" had to be corrected. I've changed this back.  CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) *Article looks mighty fine otherwise. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 02:35, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) *Few more things:
 * 99) ** Manaan needs context in the Bts.
 * 100) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) **** Can "Wookiee homeworld" be changed to anything else? Since you already said "Selkath homeworld", it's redundant.  CC7567  (talk) 00:18, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) *****Fixed. Changed to "forest world".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:11, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) ** "Bandon and Revan fought, but despite the Sith apprentice's skill, he, and his Dark Jedi, were struck down by the former Sith Lord and his companions." When saying "Sith apprentice", it is confusing as to who this applies to; the case is the same with "Dark Jedi". I would recommend trying to stick with names (or extremely direct alternatives). Also, the second part of the sentence is extremely confusing. By the end of the sentence, there are more than three people involved, despite the sentence only beginning with two.
 * 104) ***Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) **** Which "Dark Jedi" is this?  CC7567  (talk) 00:18, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) *****Fixed. Changed to "and the two Dark Jedi he brought with him".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:11, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) *****And I just changed that to "and the two Dark Jedi assisting him".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:25, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) ** CC7567  (talk) 00:02, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified New Republic commander

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:39, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Tried to get to a FA, but stuck at 800 words.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kilson Likes PIE 13:00, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 2) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 21:02, 18 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) *The intro starts off really suddenly. Mention the date to try to give some context to help the reader out.
 * 3) **Reworded a bit.
 * 4) *"After that, when Jade was stationed aboard the New Republic Corellian Corvette, guarding the holocron and thinking of her new assignment being very boring, the commander was able to persuade her that it was very important by telling her that otherwise the New Republic leader Mon Mothma wouldn't have sent Jade on that mission." This sentence reads really awkwardly. Please split/fix this.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:36, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **See below. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:37, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Cylka:
 * 7) * He then briefed Katarn's apprentice, Mara Jade on her mission to contact the criminal lord Ka'Pa the Hutt and then contacted her on the intercom while she was guarding a Jedi holocron aboard a New Republic Corellian Corvette - This reads a bit awkwardly and doesn't give the reader a sense of the progression of events.
 * 8) **See below.
 * 9) * I think a little context on Palpatine's campaign in 10 ABY needs to be added.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * I believe that you should add in what Delta 3 is and how it is connected to Altyr 5.
 * 12) **The game doesn't really specify what Delta 3 is. It could be a planet, an asteroid, a smaller base on Altyr 5 itself, etc. Therefore, I don't think any context could be added.
 * 13) * With Katarn gone to investigate a Sith Temple on the planet Dromund Kaas, the commander assigned Jade to a mission vital for the New Republic. He told Jade to contact Ka'Pa the Hutt, a notorious criminal, in order to convince him to give the New Republic some badly needed supplies in exchange for the amnesty for all his crimes - There isn't much of a lead in for this statement since the previous paragraph ended with Katarn destroying the asteroid, and the evacuation of the base.
 * 14) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * The last paragraph, the one about Jade guarding the holocron, seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the commander. I know that in the P/T you give it some context, but you need to tie that paragraph to the commander in the biography as well.
 * 16) **See below.
 * 17) * Although he is not directly seen contacting Jade, the voice from the intercom is the same as commander's. - You are using this as a reference, but how do you know it is the same? Are you basing this on your own observations, or something else? If this is your opinion, then it is considered OR.
 * 18) **Yes, I based this on my own observations. I was certain that it was him when I played the game. However, after doing some research, I've found that Brendan Holmes is credited as portraying "the voice on the intercom". Even if it is not the same voice that was heard on the Corvette (there are actually several intercoms in the game), I think I have no proof that it was the commander who contacted Jade. That being said, I removed the part about the holocron altogether. Next time, I'll try to avoid such speculations. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:37, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *The first two sentences in the P/T talk about him being an experienced leader, but I'm not sure what the rest of the sentences in that section are supposed to tell me about him. His leadership qualities, or something else? Could you make this a bit clearer, please.
 * 20) **I think you are right. It was a bit stretched. I've removed anything unnecessary, leaving only the sentence about his coordination of defenses. However, the one-sentence long P&T looked ugly, so I integrated it into the biography. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 12:25, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Actually, I don't think that you needed to get rid of that second part of the P/T. I was actually looking for you to expand upon it. Maybe tying it into his leadership qualities. I don't think it was stretched at all, it just needed to be expanded on a bit. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 02:16, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ****Allright. P&T restored/expanded. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 13:38, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Other than that, good work. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 22:40, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) Attack of the Clone I
 * 25) * "During the reborn Emperor Palpatine's campaign": campaign of what? It sounds like it's an election, but I'm not too sure.
 * 26) **Clarified.
 * 27) * Delta 3 needs context.
 * 28) **As I said in response to Cylka's objection, there is really no context. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 12:25, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***Ah, I see. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:33, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "as indicated by his ability not to panic despite overwhelming odds": the "ability not to panic" should be changed to something clearer.
 * 31) **The sentence is integrated into the biography, without the "ability not to panic". QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 12:25, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Except that the character's article does require a P&T section; it seems like there's enough information to do so, and it doesn't need to be removed. Please restore it (and edit if necessary). CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:33, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****The article "ideally requires a P&T section if information is available". And after checking the P&T in response to Cylka's objection, I figured out that the only real piece of information that relates to this guy and that could be interpreted as his P&T was that he could "calmly coordinate the defenses". And I don't think these four words deserve their own section, especially since they can be easily integrated into the biography. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:45, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****Okay; I understand. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 21:02, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) *Article looks great otherwise. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 02:54, 18 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * The main image is kinda weird, but given how bad graphics were back then, I'll assume that that's that best you can do. Kilson Likes PIE 13:00, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * You are right. The graphics in MotS were crap, especially in cutscenes. Too bad they didn't make the live-action ones like in the original game. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:24, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Tell me about, it would have been awesome to see Mara Jade in live action. Kilson Likes PIE 13:29, 29 March 09 (UTC)

Cham Syndulla

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 03:04, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First GA nom pour moi, and second nomination for FAs/GAs overall.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Not bad. A pretty good read on an interesting subject.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 18:57, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) PIE Kilson Likes PIE 19:16, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 3) Per review below.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:00, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:42, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 00:04, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD
 * 2) * In the intro: "Before the Clone Wars began, Syndulla held tensions with the Republic, specifically with Ryloth's Twi'lek Senator, Orn Free Taa." Why?
 * 3) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Add context to the "droid forces" mentioned in the intro.
 * 5) **Done. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * "While Syndulla did not trust Taa, Taa himself believed that Syndulla sought to gain power on Ryloth, thus disbanding the democracy that Taa represented in the Senate, and Syndulla's favoritism and reputation among the Twi'lek people." Break this up and/or reword to make it flow better.
 * 7) **Done. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "While Argente and Artruk conferred, Syndulla and fellow Twi'lek Voyla spied on the pair." Why were they spying? Was it because they thought war was coming? Clarify.
 * 9) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "However, Techno Union Foreman Wat Tambor and Separatist Council member had also been spying on Argente, and ordered Ryloth moved to top priority for a Confederacy invasion." Why would them spying result in them moving Ryloth to top priority? Explain.
 * 11) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Is there any info on how Syndulla's freedom fighters came together? Were they some of his admirers/followers who decided to fight?
 * 13) **Added. (Although it's a bit more "deductive reasoning" than fact, since I couldn't find a direct mention.) -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Syndulla was at first reluctant to ally himself, still keeping his previous political lashes with Senator Taa in mind, but after Commander Ponds reported to Windu that the Separatists had begun a campaign of destroying many Twi'lek villages, Syndulla agreed to negotiate with Taa." Break up and/or reword.
 * 15) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Context needed for Commander Ponds.
 * 17) **Added. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Context needed for the clone army mentioned in Alliance with the Republic.
 * 19) **Added. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "On the way in, Stak passed a Blurrg,[4] and it snapped at him. Syndulla translated for his second in command, Tae Boon, that the animals were faster than the clones' "riding machines", to which the clone doubted." Is this really relevant?
 * 21) **I wasn't sure, but it was one of the few ways I could mention Tae Boon. I removed it and mentioned Boon later in the article. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Context needed for Anakin.
 * 23) **Added. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Despite the deactivation of the bridge, Windu used the Force to Force-push Stak and Razor to the other side, while he himself used an STAP to get across." Is this relevant? This article is about Syndulla, not about the battle itself.
 * 25) **Reworded: "Windu and the clones managed to get across, although the bridge was deactivated once more." It's less centered around the battle, but I kept the part about the bridge's deactivation. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * P&T could use expansion.
 * 27) **Expanded; hope it's sufficient. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 05:13, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Thanks for your review; hopefully the article is getting better. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:05, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Kilson's thoughts
 * 31) * You should put it during the Clone Wars when you mention Wat Tambor invading Ryloth in the intro
 * 32) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * You might want to give little more context about the Battle of Ryloth before Windu met with Syndulla. Just mention that Anakin's fleet destroyed the Separatist blockade fleet and that General Kenobi's forces were able to take the small town of Nabat.
 * 34) **I don't think it needs to be said; the article is about Syndulla, not about the battle. The Battle of Ryloth article is linked at least twice if people wish to read more. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * There is something wrong with your fifth reference. Are you trying to reference the Liberty on Ryloth Episode Guide?
 * 36) **Thanks; didn't notice that. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *Other than that, seems pretty awesome. Not as awesome as PIE though :-) Kilson Likes PIE 12:35, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 38) **I would have to argue that Pi is better. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 18:52, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ***You don't even need to argue, PIE is better that anything. Kilson Loves PIE 19:16, 29 March 09 (UTC)
 * 40) Lucius's Look
 * 41) *Luckily not many things need to be fixed. Here are a few minor grammar/wording things that could use some help:
 * 42) ** ...mistrusted him because he believed him to be lazy. Needs rewording and I'm not sure if its grammatically correct.
 * 43) ***Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ** As much as I love quotes, you've got an extra one in that article. I'd either make a new subsection (probably not... laugh) or remove one quote. You could also put it in the behind the scenes section, and have the description being: "Mace Windu portraying Syndulla as a freedom fighter as opposed to a villain."
 * 45) ***Urgh...was trying to use it, so I subconsciously placed it there. It wouldn't fit in the Bts, since it doesn't have any relation to it, so I removed it altogether. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) ** A page from the "Ballad of Cham Syndulla". The Ballad of Cham Syndulla is an in-universe song, but saying that its the pages from an OOU (not perspective, just saying that a comic book is) comic book could be better worded.
 * 47) ***Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:10, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **After these are addressed, I will be ready to pledge my support.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:49, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) The part in the Bts, "The word "cham" means "lout" in Polish" is irreclevant unless you can prove that it was a purposeful choice by the writers. The statement itself is also unsourced, for that matter. Anyway, if you cannot source that it was a speaking name on purpose, it needs to be removed as Original Research.  NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:34, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *Removed; I'm not even sure who put it there in the first place. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:42, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Cylka:
 * 52) * I think that there are too many images in this article. One less image would work much better. My suggestion is to remove the Gobi image, since I feel that it illustrates the least, but it is completely up to you.
 * 53) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Good job. I just moved the images around a little bit to evenly distribute them. However, if you aren't happy with the new layout, please change it back.
 * 55) ****Looks fine to me; thanks. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:37, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * Syndulla resolved his issues with Senator Taa, and helped Windu to retake the city - What did the resolution of tensions have to do with helping Windu?
 * 57) **Addressed; hope it sounds better. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Syndulla held tensions with the Republic, specifically with - This reads a bit awkwardly, and I would suggest changing the wording a bit.
 * 59) **Reworded. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * Again The tensions were specifically held against and Syndulla sought to gain power on Ryloth, thus disbanding the democracy that read a bit awkwardly and the meanig of what you would like to get across is lost a bit.
 * 61) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * While Argente and Artruk conferred, Syndulla and fellow Twi'lek Voyla spied on the pair, watching another outlander coming to steal from their planet. - This is a bit unclear. Did they think that Argente was there to steal from them, or someone else? Please clarify.
 * 63) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * I think it would work better if you introduced Lightening Squadron and Ponds before you talk about Windu going to the freedom fighter's hideout with Stak and Razor.
 * 65) **Changed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Windu took Razor and Stak to infiltrate a MTT carrying Tambor's treasures, and get into the city via the bridge, while Ponds, Syndulla and Tae Boon, Syndulla's second-in-command,[5] led the forces. Once the Jedi and the two clones were detected by battle droids with scanners, Syndulla and Ponds attacked the droids. Windu and the clones managed to get across - The progression of events is a bit unclear here. What forces was Syndulla et al. leading? What did the battle droids detecting Windu and the clones have to do with all of this? Were they still in the MTT? Please clarify this a bit more.
 * 67) **Addressed; I think it sounds better with including the plan before saying what actually happened. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Syndulla was a role model to the people he led, and possessed great leadership skills - Is there an example you could add to illustrate this a bit more?
 * 69) **Hope it's sufficient; if not, I'll try to expand it more. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * He also held influence among the Twi'lek people; Voyla's agreement with Syndulla's views about Taa is a possible example of Syndulla's influence. - Is it specified that Syndulla influenced Voyla? If not, this is OR/Speculation.
 * 71) **Removed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * Cham Syndulla first appeared in the web comic Covetous,[2] but was not identified till a later appearance. - Please specify this "later appearance" in the sentence.
 * 73) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Please take care of these objections, and I'll look over the article again. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 21:10, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **Thanks for the review. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 00:53, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) * The last objection I have is that you need to fit in that Cham Syndulla was a male Twi'lek from Ryloth into the beginning of the Biography. Right now, it is information that is exclusive to the intro. Other than that, good work. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 09:06, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) **Geesh...I really forgot that; added. Thanks. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 18:37, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Cad Bane

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 20:07, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yeah, I know that it'll have to be updated a lot when Season Two comes out, but for now I think it's doing pretty good.

(1 ACs/8 Users/9 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great job.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 20:35, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) As long as we remember to keep it updated when S2 is out ;-) &mdash;  beeurd  talk 20:42, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) He scares me. Kilson Likes PIE 18:16, 30 March 09 (UTC)
 * 4) This will make a great "good article." Wonderful article. :) <font face="Arial"> ZEM  talk to me!   03:19, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Yep, great job. ShaakTi1138 13:23, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Its fine for a GA, you'll probably hear the call of an AC soon NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:45, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice one. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:45, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 01:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Good job. Too bad it'll need regular updating in a few months.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:59, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Naru needs a distraction
 * 2) * Dooku, Battle of Geonosis, the Clone Wars, Mustafar needs context in the intro
 * 3) **Hope that's sufficient. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***The Clone Wars still needs context in the intro. I've also noticed that these four, as well as others to be listed later, need context in the body as well. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:47, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I put context for most of the items I noticed, except for the Clone Wars. I couldn't figure out what to put for it. If you could think of something, as well as identify the rest of the items needing context, that would be great. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:59, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Nevermind; I put up the context for the Clone Wars. If I missed anything, please let me know. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 05:04, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******OK, here we go (All in the body): Galactic Republic, Battle of Geonosis, CIS, Coruscant, Senate Commandos, and Clone Troopers. They are in that order, happy hunting. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:40, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *******Thanks; I believe I got all of them. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 06:34, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ********I'll coninue the review tomorrow. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:53, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *********Context is not needed for every single thing that occurs. If you're going to explain every single term, it's just going to get ridiculous, until you end up with stuff like "...Republic, a political system in which the supreme power lies in a body of citizens who can elect people to represent them..." and "...Galaxy, a collection of stars, gas, and dust bound together by gravity..." Things like Clone Wars, Battle of Geonosis, Republic, and Confederacy are self-contextualizing because of their title. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:56, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **********Context is needed for things that are not completely evident on their own which is why I did not have him contextify everything in the article. And those thing do need context because, for CW and the BoG, it is unclear what the battle was about or in this case all that is needed is whom it is between. For Galactic Republic, it is to context the government as the main government in the galaxy, not how the system is run. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:42, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***********If you can read "Bane was in operation during the Clone Wars, a galaxy-wide conflict between the Galactic Republic, the main government in the galaxy, [do we contextify galaxy here?] and the Confederacy of Independent Systems, the faction of planetary and sectorial governments seeking to leave the Republic" with a straight face, that's great, but only the first seven words of that are relevant to the subject. They do not need context because they are either a): self-contextualizing, b): completely irrelevant to Cad Bane and the article, or c): taken as a given that the reader already knows what it is (you'd hardly want us to contextify "the Force"). At this point in the article, all we need to need to know is that the Clone Wars is a conflict, and that the Republic and CIS are factions, all of which is established in their names, and anything else is not relevant to Bane. I've written many FAs/GAs and never been asked to so over contextualize. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:55, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ************I already said the intro was fine when it comes to context. No, you don't have to contextify the factions when you are stating them as context for the Clone Wars, I never said that anyway, and of course Galaxy shouldn't be contextified&mdash;you know that, I know that, the Queen knows that. So fr your bullets:a)The Clone Wars is not self contextualizing, all that is known by reading it or any of the other things is that it is a war or a battle. As the conflict is current in Bane's life and important for him and every other person in the galaxy whixh is why it should simply contexted as "a conflict fought between the Republic and the CIS," that is all that is neccesary. Later, in the body, I say we should contextualize the Republic because as the main government in the galaxy and Bane is going against it for the credits, that is important. b)As I have said, these things are very relevant to Bane as he is going against the Republic. c)We write these articles so complete Star Wars n00bs can understand them. Of course you should context the Force, an article may get through without doing so, however, simply because it is taken as a givin. I've had to context George Lucas, for crying out loud. To restate, I said that the Clone Wars should be contexted as "These two factions were fighting" but later, when each of those factions appears alone, there should be a word about them such as "The main government in the galaxy" or "those who want to secede from the Republic." NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 19:50, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ************I've already said my piece, and I think, aside from common sense, the fact that you will not find objections in the vein of this one anywhere else on this page, and the fact that I've written many FAs without going so overboard, should hint that this is not a reasonable objection. I guess it'd be nice if others would chime in. In the meantime, like I said below, I don't mind whatever CC7567 decides to do with it, but when I nominate this for FA those changes will not be included. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:30, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *************Fine, that is completely your descision and, as I don't even glance at the FAN unless asked, I won't stop you. But the fact is that all up this page there are requests for specific things to be contextified and I've been asked to context each of these things at least once in the past. Good luck with your FA attempt. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:28, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * "Bane rose to be one of the best, and deadliest, hunters in his time." POVish
 * 17) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Bane assembled a team of hunters to capture Senators of the Galactic Senate to force Supreme Chancellor Palpatine to free Hutt crime lord Ziro Desilijic Tiure, who had previously been arrested after he assisted Count Dooku in a Separatist plot to kidnap his nephew Jabba's son, Rotta, and turn Jabba against the Republic." A bit of a run-on, break it up.
 * 19) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * The sections are a bit too subsectioned. The Raid on the Senate section, for example, probably does not need further sectioning.
 * 21) **Got it. (I think I subconsciously did that to try and get more quotes in.) -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * There are severe linking issues in this article, normally I'd qualify this as but Coruscant, Hutt, Ziro, and other things are liked 3-5 times in the body. Each section after the intro should be considered as part of the body and everything in it is linked only once.
 * 23) **Addressed. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***I went through and fixed ones you had missed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:47, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *There's my cursory glance, I'll look more after these are done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:51, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thanks. -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Cylka:
 * 28) * Bane was born on the planet Duro before the Clone Wars. - That he was born before the Clone Wars is a given. I also think that you should fit this tidbit in a bit earlier in the introduction.
 * 29) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * In it for the credits, he would work for the highest bidder. - The language in this sentence is a bit too colloquial, and needs to be reworded and clarified.
 * 31) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Because fellow bounty hunter Jango Fett had been killed - You should add in why the death of Fett allowed Bane to rise to the top. Something along the lines of Fett was considered the best bounty hunter or somesuch.
 * 33) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * The second paragraph of the introduction needs to be rewritten a bit. First, you should mention Ziro's arrest and the surrounding details before talking about Bane gathering a team. Next, you need to add in why Bane would be concerned with this anyway. Then, you need to clarify that Rotta's kidnapping would lead Jabba to turn against the Republic.
 * 35) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Later working for Count Dooku, Bane stole a holocron with potential Force-sensitive infants and kidnapped the infants on the list. Bane brought them to the planet Mustafar, where Dooku's Sith Master, Darth Sidious, planned to use them for his own purposes. - This sentence needs to be rewritten a bit to clarify that the holocron held the information. Right now, it sounds as if the infants were in the holocron. Also, the use of pronouns makes it a bit unclear as to who is doing what. Please clarify this.
 * 37) **I think it sounds better now, but please check. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * caring little who employed him, as long as the credits kept flowing; - The language is too colloquial.
 * 39) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * The second paragraph of the Bounty hunter section should be reworked. First, the Clone Wars should be introduced, then Fett's death. Also, the Clone Wars have a bit too much context to them. Lastly, who thought that Bane was cruel and fearsome?
 * 41) **Addressed, and removed the "cruel" and "fearsome" part; too POV-oriented. However, it's stated here that Bane is "the galaxy's most fearsome bounty hunter, as ruthless as he is deadly." Would it be okay to say that Bane was the galaxy's most fearsome bounty hunter, or would it still be too POV-oriented? &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk
 * 42) * Jabba would turn against the Republic and would be arrested - It needs to be clarified that Rotta's kidnapping would cause Jabba to turn against the Republic.
 * 43) **Addressed, and reworded paragraph. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Bane took his "posse" to raid the Galactic Senate in order to force-free Ziro the Hutt. - This sentence reads a bit strangely. I'm not sure that "raid" and "force-free" are the best words to use in this instance.
 * 45) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * Sing fired a sniper rifle from a long-range post, and killed most of the guards.- This sentence gives the impression that Sing killed the guards with one shot. Please clarify as to what actually took place.
 * 47) **Reworded. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * When Gran Senator Philo objected - What was he objecting to?
 * 49) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * Senator Taa, who would be picked up by Bane's ship and deliver it to the prison. - Please clarify who or what is the "it" being delivered to the prison.
 * 51) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * Taa reluctantly obeyed, and 3D took him in the airspeeder to the prison, and collected the Hutt - What happened to Taa afterward? Was he left at the prison?
 * 53) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * clone troopers of the Coruscant Guard piled out and cornered the team. Palpatine contacted Bane, ordering him to stand down. - The wording is a bit too colloquial in this sentence.
 * 55) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * Taking pity on the "horrors" Ziro had gone through while in prison, Bane remotely activated the explosives. Fortunately, Skywalker had recovered, and cut a hole in the floor, saving himself and the Senators. Bane demanded his pay from the Hutt, as he didn't work for free. - First, why would Bane take pity on Ziro? Second, "fortunately" is POV issue and needs to be removed. Third, what did Skywalker recover from? Finally, this whole paragraph needs to have the different statements connected to each other a bit more. They are all independent of each other, and don't flow together very well.
 * 57) **Addressed, and hopefully it flows better now. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * Later during the Clone Wars, Bane was hired - The beginning of this sentence makes it sound as if Bane had not been active during the Clone Wars. Please rewrite this to reflect that Bane was hired during the later part of the Clone Wars.
 * 59) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * fighting them directly during the galaxy-wide conflict. - In what way did Bane fight the Republic directly?
 * 61) **Removed; I think that was actually related to the hostage crisis, and not his later work. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) * Bane was at the "top of his game" during the Clone Wars - Colloquial language issues. I'm bringing this up fairly often since we have many non-native English speakers who read Wookieepedia, and they may have trouble understanding.
 * 63) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Bane had much less moral content than Fett - Do you have a source for this? If not, it is OR/Speculation and needs to be removed.
 * 65) **It was the source at the end of the sentence. Since it wasn't clear, should it be changed? &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * His breathing tubes were directly connected to his lungs, allowing him to hunt and do business freely in different types of atmospheres without additional protection - Why exactly did he have/need breathing tubes?
 * 67) **Addressed. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Bane will apparently be making more appearances in Season Two,[13] - You have this referenced to Youtube, however, Youtube is not considered a reliable reference. If you don't have a canon source for his appearance, then this statement needs to be removed.
 * 69) **Sorry; YouTube was the only source for the trailer at the time I added that. Since it's now up on StarWars.com, I've added the official site as the source. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * Early versions of the character were based on Durge, - A little bit of context is needed for Durge.
 * 71) **Added. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * His model was made after sketches of a character from the original Star Wars films. - This could be expanded a bit more to include some details.
 * 73) **Addressed; I edited the paragraph to make it sound better. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) *Please take care of these objections, and I will take another look at the article. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 00:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **Thanks for the review. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 02:20, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) Just a couple more things:
 * 77) * Skywalker, in the meantime, had recovered, and began to cut a hole in the floor around himself and the senators. - This needs to be explained a bit more. All that had been written about Skywalker earlier was that he destroyed the droid and was without his lightsaber.
 * 78) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 07:10, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * You may think about reducing the amount of context for Boba Fett. You are introducing the fact that there were clones of Jango without really explaining it. It may be enough to simply state that Boba was Jango's son.
 * 80) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 07:10, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * You also may want to rewrite the caption for the picture of Bane and Ziro since the "pity" isn't explained in the article, and it may leave the reader confused.
 * 82) **Reworded; let me know if it's still unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 07:10, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) *Other than that, great work in improving the article! <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 03:31, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) **Thanks very much for the second look. :)  CC7567  (talk) 07:10, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I was working on this until I copied what I'd done to a subpage, since so many people were editing the article and changing things, with the intention of going for FA. I still intend to keep going with it for FA, integrating what you've done, with probably a much more comprehensive P&T and BtS. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:47, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * That sounds fine to me. I'll be sure to support it once it's nominated. :) -- CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 01:36, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Some of the context that Naru's had you insert, CC7567, is in my opinion quite excessive and unnecessary. It's your call if you want to keep it or cut down or whatever, but I thought I'd note that I'll probably remove a lot of it in my version. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:09, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Peragus II

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Second nomination; I've looked over last nomination's faults and, to my beliefs, addressed them. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 19:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:56, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "Following the events of 3,951 BBY, when the Peragus Mining Facility was destroyed due to the Sith Lord Darth Sion's pursuit of the Jedi Exile, and a stray blast from Sion’s ship, the Harbinger, detonating the Peragus asteroid field." Is the "when" in here by mistake, because this sentence makes little sense as is.
 * 3) *"almost destroyed by attempts at" What was almost destroyed? The mining facility or the planet?
 * 4) *"The planet was devoid of any sort of native species, with Peragus II also being devoid of any sort of Human settlements other than the Peragus Mining Facility, a facility sealed to the planets atmosphere other than when exited when wearing a space suit." This reads poorly. Plus, you already mentioned the mining facility; no need to repeat context.
 * 5) *The drift chart info seems unnecessary and can probably be removed.
 * 6) *"The first fuel mining colony established on Peragus II proved to be short of life, when an accidental blaster shot triggered an explosion of flammable substances in Peragus II's crust and mantle, so powerful that it turned a large chunk of the planet into an asteroid field, which would become the Peragus asteroid field, and exposed its core" This bit is confusing and needs to be clarified and written better.
 * 7) *Your referencing is completely unnecessary. If all the info in one paragraph comes from one source, no need to source it multiple times in that paragraph. For example: The second paragraph all comes from KOTOR II. Just have the one source at the end of it, rather than scattered throughout.
 * 8) *Context on Citadel Station.
 * 9) *"After the Jedi Civil War, Telos IV relied on this resource to keep Citadel Station in orbit, and with the most humanitarian elements of the Senate putting their careers at stake in the restoration project, any interruption of the work on the Peragus mining facility was likely to have greater repercussions throughout the Republic. If the fuel supply was somehow compromised, Citadel Station would risk falling onto the planet's surface, dooming the restoration efforts there and throughout the Outer Rim." This is written a bit poorly, and is confusing. The restoration project needs to be explained a bit more.
 * 10) *Context on Kreia.
 * 11) *Rather than having many small pargraphs in the "Skirmish" section, try combining several of them.
 * 12) *What is the Exile's standing with the Jedi?
 * 13) *Context on Goto.
 * 14) *Why did HK-50 want the Exile for himself? To claim the bounty?
 * 15) *Context on Atton Rand, please.
 * 16) *"The destruction of the mining station had a deeper impact than the Exile could imagine." I think this is unnecessary, and it seems OR. Remove it, I'd suggest.
 * 17) *The last sentence of "Aftermath" is really confusing. Who is G0-T0? What is going on?
 * 18) *You refer to it as both the "facility" and the "Facility". Please choose one and stick with it.
 * 19) *When you have an Inhabitants section, there's no need to detail the species that live there earlier. The same with repetitive descriptions of the mining facility.
 * 20) *Linking! You have things that need to be linked, and links that are repeated. I fixed some things for you, but you should do at least some of it yourself.
 * 21) *Having never played this game, I find myself confused at many things described in the article. Please go through, contextify things, and fix up the general prose.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:10, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Alright, I've addressed those. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:10, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) Attack of the Clone I
 * 24) * Please be careful about what you focus on; the article is about the planet, not about the skirmish on it. Yes, the event was one of the only major events there, but try not to excessively focus on it.
 * 25) * Also, a note for future noms: in the body, be sure to only link to something once at its first mention, even if the body of the article has multiple sections.
 * 26) * "meant that further mining projects were virtually abandoned." Can "meant" be substituted for anything else? Because "meant" is usually used for a statement or something that needs clarification, not an event or action. Perhaps "resulted" or something similar.
 * 27) * In the first paragraph of the "Description" section, the Peragus Mining Facility is mentioned twice, both times with different context. Please change.
 * 28) * "such as the Peragus Mining Facility, which contained a number of miners." The word "contained" makes it sound like the miners were being kept prisoner, or that they were somehow inactive.
 * 29) * "meaning that anyone wishing to visit such places as the Peragus Mining Facility..." See third objection.
 * 30) * Jedi Civil War, Galactic Republic, Telos IV, and Telosian Restoration Project need context. Mandalorian Wars somewhat has context, but it should be fixed up.
 * 31) ** Context still needed for the Republic and the restoration project. Also, the context for the Galactic Republic should appear with the first time it is mentioned; otherwise, it seems confusing if you mention something without context.  CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *** It looks better, but try to mention the context in the same sentence, if possible.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * "and miners such as Coorta advocated taking her to Nar Shaddaa to collect the bounty that criminal boss Goto had placed on Jedi." If the word "taking" can be changed to a noun instead of a subject verb, it would sound better.
 * 34) * "and died with the rest of the miners when the droid caused an emergency lockdown to seal off the hangar and keep Coorta from fleeing the Facility with the Exile. First of all, I changed "along" to "with". Also, this part of the sentence is a bit of a run-on; please change.
 * 35) * "Spaceworthy" should be changed to a clearer word.
 * 36) * "As they got to the ship from the docking bridge to the Harbinger, Sith assassins stalked them and Kreia had to duel Darth Sion to allow the others to escape to the hangar through the fuel line." The first part of the sentence goes from "to" to "from" and back to "to" again, which does not seem to make sense. Also, the word "stalked" is too colloquial; please change.
 * 37) * "either incapacitated or incarcerated": try not to speculate. If need be, state it in the "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 38) * For the "Locations" section: when you use "one of two points of interest", you don't mention the second one till a few paragraphs on. It's too big a gap; please change.
 * 39) * The second sentence of the Bts does not make sense; please take a look at it.
 * 40) *I'll take another look after these are addressed. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 03:43, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) **Fixed, but for your misunderstanding we discussed via the IRC. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:09, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone II
 * 43) *The article is looking good. A few of the objections above remain; please remind me if we covered them over IRC. Just a few more things:
 * 44) * "The assassin droid told the administrator that the Exile was a Jedi, meaning the administrator tried to have the Exile picked up by the Republic to stop miners such as Coorta demanding that she be taken to Nar Shaddaa, to collect the bounty crime lord Goto had placed on Jedi." Run-on, and also uses the word "meaning" in a confusing manner, as I mentioned before.
 * 45) ** The run-on has been fixed, but the "meaning" hasn't. "This meant that" does not change it, and is in fact synonymous to what it replaced. Please reword it. Also, a similar objection to this one remains from my first look; please check above.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "To allow the others to escape, Kreia dueled the Sith Lord Darth Sion." First of all, I fixed up the sentence a little. But why was Darth Sion there in the first place? Without mentioning Sion's purpose, it sounds like he was just randomly there.
 * 47) * CC7567  (talk) 19:52, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:07, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *** Please review my objections again; any objections that are not crossed out still remain.  CC7567  (talk) 07:19, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Alright, now addressed, although you seem to have missed me having closed the gap in the Locations section. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:30, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Sorry for the delay; I forgot to look at the timestamps and was confused if you addressed the objections or not. A few still remain; please check the uncrossed ones above.  CC7567  (talk) 06:11, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Good article nominations/Peragus II. Everything here needs to be handled. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:13, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *I believe I have. Can you point out which one(s) you don't think I've addressed, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:20, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll refrain from voting until there's been some feedback. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:11, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Mission to Rugosa

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Was considering nominating a(nother) character, but instead did an event. (I think I may be reaching my limits for GANs...possibly.) &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:19, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer
 * 2) * Rugosa didn't join the Republic afterwards. It was a neutral moon. Toydaria did. Rugosa was not a moon of Toydaria either.
 * 3) **Whoops. Got that. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The Episode guide should be added to the sources.
 * 5) **Done. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Did you watch the video commentary on the episode? It should add some Bts info, and should also be added to the source lists. --Eyrezer 08:04, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Added it to the source lists, but unfortunately right now I don't have access to the website. I'll check it later when I do. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 17:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **I just watched the commentary, and it didn't really add any Bts info, only for Rugosa and not the mission itself. I don't believe the info was relevant, so since the commentary didn't provide new info on the mission itself, I don't think it should be part of the sources. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 07:00, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) From the Council Chambers (part one):
 * 10) * Before I even start to review, the article has far too much play-by-play commentary, particularly with regard to conversations. In numerous cases, entire conversations are paraphrased line by line, which is unnecessary. Just skip over these details and report the gist of the conversation. There are also a few action sequences suffering from the same problem. Please rewrite it without the play-by-play, and once that is done, then I will review it. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 22:24, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Addressed, hopefully. I kept some of the conversations which I believed to be more important.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***OK, what you did is fine. I will make a full review within the next couple of days. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:10, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) From the Council Chambers (part two):
 * 14) * I hate to say it, but I'd like to see some context on the Clone Wars in both the intro and body. Yes, most people know what the Clone Wars are, but think about someone new to Star Wars watching the films in order (1 to 6) who jumps on here right after watching TPM to get more info and then starts browsing. He or she would have no clue what the Clone Wars are, having only watched TPM, and therefore I feel a little context is necessary. Not much is needed, just enough to give a basic idea as to what they are.
 * 15) **Well...this has been in debate for a while. It's really just the participants that are required, if any, I believe; I can't think of what other context to put that wouldn't make it excessive. And it's already implied that the Republic and the Confederacy were the participants. I reworded the intro, but I left it how it was in the body. I mean, I know we can't really assume that the reader will know everything about Star Wars, but I don't believe that an excessive amount of context is needed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Fair enough. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Yoda returned into the fray": Slightly awkward; suggest rewording.
 * 18) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * "Avalanche" is used twice in one paragraph in the intro plus one additional time in the body&mdash;are there synonyms?
 * 20) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * "secretly sent several droidekas to deal with the bothersome Jedi Master.": "Bothersome" sounds POV to me.
 * 22) **Removed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "After observing several baby Neebray mantas, Yoda led the clones to the rendezvous point, stating that it was not polite to be late.": Are the neebray mantas really important? I don't think so. Reword or remove, please. The same goes for Yoda's statement, though I'm less sure about it than the mantas.
 * 24) **Removed the Neebrays part; the reason I kept Yoda's comment is because it's a bit more...comical, I guess, or playful. If you'd still like it removed, I'll go ahead and do so.  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***OK, I'll let it go, though someone else might object to it. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:37, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *Otherwise, it looks good to my half-trained eye. :) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 02:08, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **Well then, I thank your half-trained eye. :P  CC7567  (talk) 02:20, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Senate hostage crisis

 * Nominated by: CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Possibly going to go for an FA later, but at least half the article's length comes from the "Prelude" section. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] talk 04:40, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Dark Lord Trayus 22:41, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Pretty expansive.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 13:25, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The PIE is strong in this one. Kilson Likes PIE 04:37, 19 April 09 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:56, 28 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Graestan's preliminaries:
 * 2) * A conjecturally titled article should never begin like "the Senate hostage crisis was&hellip;" Please alleviate this by just diving into the intro and then bolding the word that best describes the topic of the article.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Unsourced items in the infobox.
 * 5) **Drat; missed those.
 * 6) * "Objective" field in the infobox is worded too vaguely.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * The article looks like an image farm. Please cull a few.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Graestan ( Talk ) 22:56, 10 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the first look. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 00:14, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) More before I dive in there:
 * 13) * Intro needs to be expanded significantly in terms of the event itself.
 * 14) **Addressed. (If it's actually too lengthy, please let me know.)
 * 15) * Speculative/OR statements abound. Please go over the article and see what may be a reach of the mind as opposed to reporting the facts. Especially look out for statements of the unknown.
 * 16) **Addressed (hopefully).
 * 17) * Context is still lacking in a few areas. I saw the word "Vigo" used quite out of the blue, for example. Please check the article over for similar instances.
 * 18) **Added where needed; I removed "Vigo" altogether, since it's not really relevant.
 * 19) * Certainly also some unnecessary info. I saw some reference to Kenobi that was entirely irrelevant. This is also something to check for.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) *Good luck with these, let me know when you're ready for my full review. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:57, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **For some reason, I have a bad feeling about this, but I believe I'm ready. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 06:11, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) You didn't fix my IRC objection about the droids' origin.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:52, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Which one was this? Sorry, I forgot...and I seem to have misplaced the chat log.  CC7567  (talk) 06:54, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Nevermind...I think it was clearing up the "Bane's test" section, which I just did. If it wasn't that, please correct me.  CC7567  (talk) 07:16, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Serpent's Smile

 * Nominated by: -- Harrar 00:28, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Zsinj starship. Devoid of anything NJO or Yuuzhan Vong ;)

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:43, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) As far as I saw, no errors beyond minor ones. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 21:03, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Very nice, Harrar.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:23, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * Oh, there is one thing. Does the source mention the ship as the Serpent's Smile or just Serpent's Smile? If it's the former, you'll have stay consistent in the article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:29, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) * I found two cases when I'd used "the" in front. It's just Serpent's Smile so I removed them. Consistent now. -- —Harrar  MR T.Lah.jpg ( Villip ) 08:49, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * c.2250 words, so below the GA limit. Thought I'd run it through here first as it's my first starship nomination and I'm unusure of some stuff, like whether if we know the class we put in general information even if it's unconfirmed. Plus not sure if my description or commanders and crew sections are that great! -- Harrar 00:28, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Can someone also check cswe? Thanks -- Harrar 00:28, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nothing in the CSWE.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:23, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified Imperial commander

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:31, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another unidentified commander nom from me.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Again! —Tommy  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 17:12, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Mighty fine. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 23:18, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:56, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:09, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * In the intro: Provide context on the Battle of Thyferra.
 * 3) **Provided.
 * 4) * In the intro: Why would Vader execute him even though he won the battle?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "During the search for a rogue Imperial Moff Kalast, who had been feeding the Rebel Alliance with secret information concerning the newest Imperial superweapon, the Death Star, this commander was in charge of the Imperial forces during the Battle of Thyferra, until the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader arrived." Split up.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) *In the prose itself, there's an overabundance of commas. Split up some of the sentences and reword to make it all flow better.
 * 9) **Splitted up several sentences. Check it now. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:28, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "The Dark Lord soon discovered that the traitor was Moff Kalast and captured him." The article says that Vader found the traitor while the commander was still alive, but this sentence states that he found the traitor after killing the commander. Please clarify.
 * 11) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 12) * In BtS: Contextify code cylinder.
 * 13) **Upon closer examination, I've seen that his insignia is really a commander's one. The part about code cylinders is removed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 11:59, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 22:58, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) We don't bumrush shows&hellip;we shut shows DOWN:
 * 16) * "Although the battle was won, Vader executed the commander for his incompetence." His incompetence doing what?
 * 17) **Clarified.
 * 18) * "This Human male individual, a member of the Imperial army&hellip;" Was he a just a member of the army, or a commander like the title suggests?
 * 19) **His insignia is that of the commander. This, combined with the fact that Vader calls him such, tells us that he was one. I reworded the article a bit to reflect this.
 * 20) * "was sent to the planet Thyferra, after it had been discovered that the clue to the identity of the Imperial traitor could be obtained from a Rebel base located there." What is the clue, and who is the Imperial traitor? The way these subjects are introduced reads as though we already know of what you speak. If the traitor's identity is a secret, the article should be written in such a way that we know of the treason before we know of the traitor. You have it reversed. Also, if the traitor's identity is secret, it shouldn't be held as one to the reader; you can write this in such a manner that we know who the traitor is, even though the characters you are writing about do not.
 * 21) **How does it look now? I tried to reword it, but couldn't find a way to let the reader know the identity of the traitor from the beginning. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 12:52, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***This, I can understand. I appreciate your effort here. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 17:12, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Good show, young Jedi. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 19:59, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just keep in mind that quote attributions are to be without sentence-ending periods and the like. —Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Nine two eight one ) 19:59, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * I've just found the Rankname template. What do you think, should I use it or keep the conjectural one? QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 04:49, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Koro Ziil

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 18:54, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My second GAnom&hellip;feel free to tear apart! :P

(2 ACs/4 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. CC7567  (talk) 01:32, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:08, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:45, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:39, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Graestan ( Talk ) 17:41, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *<S>References aren't needed since it only appears in one source.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * The biography appears to be oversectioned. Merge some together.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * In the intro: Provide context to Saal, the Skywalkers, and Jacen.
 * 7) **Is this better?
 * 8) * In the intro: Give some information about the Hidden Ones.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * Give context for the Baran Do. Explain what they are.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Context on the caverns.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * State Ziil's homeworld in the biography.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Give context on ayna-seff.
 * 17) **Is this better?
 * 18) *<S>Explain what happened to Jacen after he left Ziil's tutelage.
 * 19) **Is this better?
 * 20) * The Arrival of the Skywalkers and the first paragraph of the Unrest in the Hidden Ones sections don't flow very well.
 * 21) **Fixed?
 * 22) * Mention that Skywalker was exiled earlier, and give the reason.
 * 23) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 01:46, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 00:37, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) Attack of the Clone I
 * 26) * "and attempted to make them join the sect..." Could use rephrasing, perhaps using the word "forced".
 * 27) **Nighthawk's wording was a little awkward, is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * "...refusing to let them leave in order to protect their secrecy." I was going to add a comma between "them" and "in", but I'm not completely sure what the meaning of the sentence is, as to who wanted to protect whose secrecy. Please clarify and/or reword.
 * 29) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Charsae Saal needs a bit of context.
 * 31) **He's called a Baran Do sage, and its added that he became senior combat instructor right afterwards. Adding anything more before that would be awkward. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***I meant in the "Becoming the Hidden One" section. CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Whoops. Better, or is "Baran Do" a little repetitive? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) *****Too redundant; I removed it and left "sage". CC7567  (talk) 01:16, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Jacen Solo needs context in the body.
 * 36) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) * "Ziil was known to have taught him many": it sounds like the perspective is strictly from a reference book; please reword, since the article is about Ziil himself.
 * 38) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "that Solo seemed to be at peace": at peace specifically with what? Others? Himself? Also, please correct it the second time you mention it as well.
 * 40) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * "Luke decided to gather all of the Hidden Ones together by announcing that he and Ben would be taking on new names; of course, he had no intention of actually doing this." It doesn't seem appropriate to say "of course" here unless you previously explicitly state that the Skywalkers never intended to join the Hidden Ones in the first place.
 * 42) **Feels smoother with "however". Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * "they had rejected these things": please change "things" to something more specific and less colloquial.
 * 44) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * "As evidence, he pointed out how Charsae Saal had recently beaten Ithia in a duel, when she had always been Saal's superior before she had joined the Hidden Ones." Ithia needs context, and Luke's evidence doesn't make sense, partially due to the fact that the unspecific word "she" is used too much.
 * 46) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ***It's still confusing. I recommend mentioning first the circumstances, and that was the Order's best fighter. And then say that beat . (I can't name the names, because I can't understand the sentence.) CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) ****Is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *****It definitely sounds better. Only one thing: if you say that she was "formerly" the best fighter, you should state "why" or "until happened". CC7567  (talk) 01:16, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) ******Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 01:29, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "Annoyed, Ben set off a secret explosive of Ziil's": sentence does not make sense; please check.
 * 52) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ***I added "Annoyed 'with Ziil'", but if "annoyed" can be changed to a more specific/less colloquial word, it would be preferred. CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Is "frustrated" better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Burra needs context.
 * 56) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *Article looks good otherwise. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 23:45, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:07, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) *It's coming along; mostly minor things are all that is left, so I'll check it again after you've looked over the article. CC7567  (talk) 00:24, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) Soresu
 * 61) * who had spent the last five years traveling the galaxy in search of answers. Answers to what?
 * 62) **I couldn't find anything that specified as to what he was searching for, so I replaced it.
 * 63) * Context on Lumiya.
 * 64) **Added.
 * 65) * Mention his title as Master of the Order in the body.
 * 66) **Addressed.
 * 67) * In the last paragraph of "Duel with Luke", you use the word pillar 8 times. Is there no synonym for the word? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:56, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:37, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) Jedi Kasra
 * 70) * It's very solid article, but it needs a "Notes and references" section, with a under it, obviously, then there needs to be a reference at the end of each paragraph. The infobox needs to be sourced. The intro however, does not need to be sourced. Once these are taken care of, I'll sign off on the article--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:25, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) **There is only one appearance; therefore, there is no need for references per rule 5 of the sourcing policy (Do not reference articles only appearing in one appearance or source). Therefore, this objection is invalid. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:28, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) **Did not know that, sorry.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:39, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) The Cardinals lost today and I have to take it out on someone:
 * 74) * What Luke was exiled for belongs in the intro.
 * 75) **Added.
 * 76) * How the Skywalkers turned his followers against him should be explained in the intro.
 * 77) **Better?
 * 78) * Where the Hidden Ones lived and why should be added to the intro.
 * 79) **Added.
 * 80) * Baran Do needs context at first mention in the biography.
 * 81) **Addressed.
 * 82) * What the two techniques do should be provided when they are first mentioned.
 * 83) **Addressed.
 * 84) * This is all completely redundant and can be reworded into a short sentence that sums up what he told them: "He told them that he had trained Solo in the hassat-durr and other Force techniques, as well as in combat. Ziil also told them that Solo seemed to have a scarred soul, but the scars appeared healed and he seemed to be at peace with the galaxy."
 * 85) **Wait a sec. I'm confused...what exactly do you want me to do here?
 * 86) ***Saying something like "he told them about his training of Solo" would work fine, since what exactly happened is already established in the article. Graestan ( Talk ) 22:01, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) ****Ok, how about now? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 22:47, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * The fight is a bit too play-by-play. Can it be pared down a bit?
 * 89) **Is this better? p.s. nice header ;) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:24, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:21, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kite

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 21:05, 12 April 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:You have to get him running before you do if you want him to fly. :-) Kilson Likes PIE 21:05, 12 April 09 (UTC)

(0 ACs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) I just fixed a few grammar problems...nice article. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 00:59, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 05:16, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 21:18, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Per review below; just needed a little tweaking.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:36, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Quick glance from the clone
 * 2) * "While Kite was talking to Nune on the bridge of the Laudable, the task force was attacked by the Malevolence, a Subjugator-class heavy cruiser equipped with two giant ion pulse cannons on each of its sides that could disable any starship's shields, and then destroy the exposed ship using its turbolaser batteries." It starts out fine, but the last part of the sentence is confusing, since you go off from Kite and Nune to completely focusing on the Malevolence.
 * 3) ** I meant for you to change the second part of the sentence. Leave the sentence, but cut it off after "starship's shields". You can then say how the Malevolence destroyed the Laudable itself, not saying how the Malevolence destroyed ships in general. Otherwise, it's a bit unclear.
 * 4) ***I reworded it myself. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 00:08, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "In 22 BBY, during the height of the war between the Galactic Republic and the Separatists, Kite, the nickname for a clone trooper commander in the Grand Army of the Republic, was assigned to the bridge of the Laudable. The Laudable was a Venator-class Star Destroyer that was part of Ares Nune's, a Phuii Jedi General, task force to patrol the Phu system for any Separatist activity." Saying that Kite was assigned to General Nune and was then dispatched to the Laudable would be preferable, because the way that the context is currently included breaks up the sentence flow.
 * 6) ** Please check this again; say in one sentence that Kite was assigned to General Nune. And then start a new sentence and say that Kite and Nune were onboard the Laudable. Also, there are other changes that should be made to this sentence, mentioned in my second look below.
 * 7) * Additionally, the first mention of Kite as a nickname in the body makes it sound like Kite was a nickname, instead of a real clone trooper. It sounds like it was simply a term coined during the war.
 * 8) ** I'm not sure if you addressed this, but this objection still remains. Since we already know Kite was the nickname of the guy, there's no need to say it twice. The first mention in the intro is enough.
 * 9) * "However, the Confederacy's new secret super weapon, the Subjugator-class heavy cruiser, the Malevolence, under the commander of General Grievous, the Cyborg Supreme Commander of the Separatist Droid Army, were hiding out of the sight of the Republic task force." Too many commas, too many pauses, and misplaced context breaks up the sentence flow here as well.
 * 10) ** Mentioning Grievous in one sentence and then providing context for him in the next doesn't seem to be working. Please change it so that Grievous is first mentioned with context (and there's a good sentence flow). Perhaps just take out "under command of General Grievous" and then include it in the next sentence, so that Grievous can be first mentioned with context.
 * 11) *That's all I noticed in a first look; I'll have to continue later when my body isn't screaming at me for sleep. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 07:29, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thanks for the review, I addressed your objections. Also, the next time you're feeling tired, just eat some PIE, it'll wake you up in an instant. Kilson Likes PIE 18:42, 13 April 09 (UTC)
 * 13) Now that the clone is (more or less) conscious:
 * 14) * The objections above still remain; please look at them again and see if you can improve them.
 * 15) **My apologies, I did not fully understand your original objections. You can check now and see how they are.
 * 16) * The guy's name is "Kite", not "Commander Kite". It's not "Captain Rex" or "Commander Cody"; titles aren't part of the names themselves. I changed it.
 * 17) * How was Kite born? Did he just pop up as a clone trooper commander out of the blue? This needs to be mentioned in the body.
 * 18) **There is very little information about Kite other than what was given in "Shakedown". I would've said he was cloned and trained on Kamino, but I was hounded for something similar to this in my HOB-147 nom because I didn't know this for sure (it's currently fourth on the nom list if you want to take a look at the objections). All I know for certain is that Kite is a clone, from where, nobody knows.
 * 19) * "Kite...was assigned to Ares Nune, a Phuii Jedi General, aboard the bridge of the Laudable": So Kite was assigned to the bridge, and not the ship itself? Please change, and mention later that they were on the bridge [during the attack].
 * 20) * State the purpose of Nune's fleet before mentioning the Laudable (and that Nune and Kite were stationed aboard it).
 * 21) * "As Kite and Nune were finishing up their conversation": from this, it sounds like the conversation was extremely important (more than it should have been). Please reword and/or remove.
 * 22) **I was just trying to detail the attack as best I could. It's true that as soon as Kite and Nune finished their conversation, they were attacked by Grevious. I don't see how it makes the conversation any more important.
 * 23) * "...Grievous ordered the Malevolence to fire one of its two ion pulse cannons, which could disable the shields of any starship, at the Republic task force." Saying the effect of the ion cannons when it happens would sound better.
 * 24) *Just a note, since you changed it back: the correct spelling is "assigned", not "assinged". Also, since I missed it the first time, it's "Grievous", not "Grevious". In the future, I recommend pasting the article into Word and correcting the necessary spelling errors (since some Star Wars terms aren't recognized by the dictionary).
 * 25) * Since "deckplate" needs context (and including so would imply unnecessary importance), I would recommend changing it.
 * 26) * Continuity issues in the Bts. Shakedown was released, then the HoloNet News podcast, then "Rising Malevolence". To avoid confusion, if you can find another way to mention that the comic led into the episode while keeping continuity, it would be preferable.
 * 27) * CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 23:39, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **I addressed the rest of the objections. Once again, I'm sorry for messing up the previous objections. I'm one of those guys that when I think things up in my head, it makes sense, but as soon as I put it down on the page, it doesn't. Yes, I know that doesn't make sense. Kilson 19:35, 15 April 09 (UTC)
 * 29) * I think it should be mentioned first that Kite was a clone, before saying where he was assigned. Other than that, the article is looking fine. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 00:08, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **It already does, "Kite, a clone trooper commander in the Grand Army of the Republic, was assigned to Ares Nune, a Phuii Jedi General. Nune was in charge of a Republic task force." Kilson Likes PIE 20:56, 15 April 09 (UTC)
 * 31) *** I mean saying "Kite was a clone trooper in the Grand Army of the Republic. In 22 BBY, he was assigned..." Sorry for not clarifying that. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 01:32, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ****How about now dude. Kilson Likes PIE 10:02, 15 April 09 (UTC)
 * 33) *****Looks fine. &mdash; CC7567 [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (s)talk 05:16, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) Lucius STRIKES!
 * 35) * ...during the height of the war between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems... Doesn't need that much context; Clone Wars is fine.
 * 36) * Just a continuity question: we know he was assigned the Laudable, but was he in command of it?
 * 37) **Yeah, you're right, we don't know for sure. I got rid of command in the sentence.
 * 38) * Star Destroyers don't exist yet, do they? They're all Venator (or Jedi Crusisers) I think.
 * 39) **Yes, Ventor-class Star Destroyers are the only ones at this time period. But I don't see a need to repeat Ventor-class in the last sentence in the first paragraph. I think the reader will understand what I'm saying.
 * 40) * However, a new Confederacy superweapon was hiding out of sight of the Republic task force, in the form of the Malevolence, a Subjugator-class heavy cruiser under the command of General Grievous, the Cyborg Supreme Commander of the Separatist's Droid Army. A run-on sentence.
 * 41) * If another image can be found, please insert it. (I may be able to help if you need any images from Shakedown.)
 * 42) **I think the main image is fine, but if you want to find a new image, I'll put it on there.
 * 43) ***You misunderstand. The main image is perfect, if you could find another for the bio, it would be great.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:14, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ****I am sorry, but I can not find a better picture. If you can find one, I'll be gald to put it on the page. Kilson Likes PIE 01:24, 23 April 09 (UTC)
 * 45) *****These may help.
 * 46) ******Kite helmet.png
 * 47) ******Kite Nune death.png
 * 48) ******Kite Nune talking.png
 * 49) ****** &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 01:17, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) *******I chose the one where they are talking. Thanks for the help Lucius. :-) Kilson Likes PIE 02:27, 28 April 09 (UTC)
 * 51) ********Always a pleasure.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 21:36, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) *I'll pledge my support after the above are addressed.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Nute777.png ( Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents! ) 12:18, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **How about now Lucius? Kilson Likes PIE 19:15, 19 April 09 (UTC)
 * 54) Soresu
 * 55) * Context on the Clone Wars in the body.
 * 56) * Do we have a source that states that the Malevolence was a superweapon?. If not, I would suggest changing it. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:55, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) **Addressed both Kilson Likes PIE 18:53, 26 April 09 (UTC)

Vril Vrakth

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 11:26, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Zabrak bounty hunter

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:41, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:13, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 09:47, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:28, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * " The skills he learned helped to keep him alive" What skills? Learned as a soldier? Clarify.
 * 3) **Clarified --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "After he was almost killed by them on Almas" By who? Clarify.
 * 5) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Intro doesn't flow very well.
 * 7) **I have rewrote some of it so I hope this is a bit better. Can you specify anything that is wrong with it? --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * WP:LG: P&T comes before Equipment.
 * 9) **Moved --Jinzler 22:31, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Quotes for the first two biography sections?
 * 11) **The two quotes that I have included are the only two relevant to this article that exist --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "Shortages of food led to a series of violent settlement wars there for control of resources and Vrakth trained as a soldier, so that he could participate in the conflicts." Sentence doesn't flow very well.
 * 13) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "Hundar was impressed by his skills" What skills?
 * 15) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * " He would also assist Hundar by serving as his backup while he was chasing a bounty and he would cover escape roots or aide him in taking down dangerous targets." Split this sentence up to make it flow better.
 * 17) *First bio section (mostly the end of the first paragraph and the second paragraph) doesn't flow very well.
 * 18) **Fixed to the best of my ability, if there are still some problems with this, can you give me some specific examples?
 * 19) * "Following the end of the conflict, Vrakth began to work almost exclusively for the newly-formed Galactic Empire and in particular, he served Inquisitor Valin Draco." Sentence doesn't flow well.
 * 20) **Rewrote --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Why would Organa's request for info on Nizon tip Vril off? Specify it.
 * 22) **I don't know, the source states that it did, it doesn't say why --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "He also planned to kill Sartok, the leader of the Nizon resistance, a resistance group that opposed the Empire's control of Nizon." Uses the word resistance twice, a bit redundant.
 * 24) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * Quote for the P&T?
 * 26) **As I have stated above, there aren't any --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * Was Vrakth killed in the confrontation? Specify.
 * 28) **He isn't necessarily killed, as this depends on how the player chracters play it. I have already mentioned something on this in the BTS --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *Nice BtS.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:34, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **Thanks --Jinzler 22:17, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) Soresu
 * 32) * he was able to capture the Rodian on his own this success to establish himself as a bounty hunter. Not making much sense to me.
 * 33) **Yeah, I screwed up. This has now been fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Vrakth was hired by a local Republic governor Local to where? This occurs in both the intro and body.
 * 35) **I don't know, the source just states that it was a local Republic governor. This might be meant to refer to the governor's position within the structure of the Republic, by having control of a localised area. However, we can't know for sure, so theres not much I can do about this
 * 36) * After he was almost killed by them on Almas by a group of agents working for the Alderaanian Resistance, an anti-Imperial resistance group that was based on Alderaan, Draco sent Vrakth to capture them. Reword. Also, it's unclear who "he" is referring to.
 * 37) **Fixed --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * Context on the Resistance in the body.
 * 39) **Added --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * he used situations to their full advantage him. Doesn't make sense.
 * 41) **I have put in an example of this, to clarify things --Jinzler 14:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) Attack of the Clone I
 * 43) *These first two aren't objections, but just general things to think about in the future. It generally sounds like the word "so" is being used too much; I got most of them, but consider using different, less colloquial wording in the future.
 * 44) *I'm noticing that some sentences are rather choppy throughout the article, and could simply be merged with others. Since it's rather minor, I've fixed these as well, but please try to catch these in the future.
 * 45) * Okay, this is an objection: when introducing characters, using the word "called" implies that it was a nickname; you can simply state their name as "the Trandoshan *blahblah*" instead of stating what they were called unnecessarily.
 * 46) **Checked for and changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * Also, please be careful about overusing indirect addresses such as "he" and "they"; I corrected some of them, but please do another check. It's confusing, especially right after long sentences when it could apply to anyone.
 * 48) **Checked for --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "Jeyrs Hundar, a bounty hunter who was passing through the world while chasing a bounty": using "bounty" twice is rather redundant; please try to reword.
 * 50) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * "to hunt CIS generals": sounds a bit strange; hunt as in find or hunt as in find and kill? Either way, the wording doesn't sound appropriate; please change.
 * 52) **The source just says that he hunted them, it doesn't say how. I have changed it to hunted down --23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * "After Draco was almost killed by them on Almas by a group of agents working for the Alderaanian Resistance": who is them, and what was Almas? Also, it sounds like two different groups killed him.
 * 54) **I think I screwed this up when I rewrote while I was addressing IFYLOFDs objections. It has been fixed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * "he soon swapped careers": the way that "swapped" is being used right now is colloquial; if it were being used as Vrakth swapped careers with someone else, it would be fine, but since it's not being used this way, please change it.
 * 56) **Reworded --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Vrakth traveled offworld with his new master, who began to train him." It's pretty much a given that Vrakth was beginning to be trained; please remove unless there's something specific that needs to be mentioned.
 * 58) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * Use of the word "alternated" sounds like Vrakth had complete control and choice over what he learned; if this is the case, please be more specific, but if not, please change it.
 * 60) **alternated is the word used by the source, but I have changed it anyway --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * I saw IFYLOFD's objection above about the governor, but I think it requires a footnote that it is not explicitly mentioned where the governor was located.
 * 62) **I disagree, as this seems a bit unnecessary, but I have added it anyway, coz you won't support this otherwise :) --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) ***Actually, looking back, it wasn't really necessary. :P You can remove it if you want to; I thought it would just be clearer that way.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * Right now, the fact that the Empire succeeded the Republic is exclusive to the intro; please change.
 * 65) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Again, context needed on Almas here in the body.
 * 67) **Done --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "made a request to the Aldera University for information about the planet Nizon, Vrakth correctly assumed that that was where the Resistance team were going to go to." First off, the second part of the sentence needs to be reworded, particularly the use of "that that"; although it's grammatically correct, it's rather colloquial and awkward. "Assumption" can be changed to "theory" or something; the way it is right now makes it sound like Vrakth did it with no research, or that he didn't have the intent of doing anything after assuming it. Also, what did that "correct assumption" allow Zrakth to do?
 * 69) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) * What was the purpose of Vrakth asking people in the capital if they had seen recent newcomers? I know that it might be from the same mission mentioned earlier, but the article deterred to Vrakth's defense of his base, so it would be good to restate it.
 * 71) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) * "When the Nazren began to revolt against the Imperials, Vrakth rightly believed that the Alderaanian agents were behind it": the use of "rightly" sounds strange; please reword it to be specific.
 * 73) **I have changed rightly to correctly. I don't want to sound like an idiot, but what should it be specific to? --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ***Specificity was needed because the word "rightly" could mean different things in this case. It could mean that Vrakth was correct, but could also mean that his belief was in accordance with justice or morals. Also, I changed "believed" to "deduced", because it gave me the sense that someone was manipulating Vrakth.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * What was the "large bounty" for? What did the Empire want?
 * 76) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ***It's still a bit unclear. I see why the Empire put out that particular bounty, but what exactly was it for? What did the Empire want to give a reward for? If it was already stated, it's a bit unclear.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) ****Clarified --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * Coruscant needs context.
 * 80) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) * "fire the fastest" should be changed to something less colloquial, and so can "make the most of being there."
 * 82) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * "like they did when he deployed them on Nizon": the word "like" is too colloquial, and this part of the sentence requires rewording.
 * 84) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "the actions of the player characters": please check this; "player characters" is unclear.
 * 86) **Changed --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "If the players reply, then he swears his eternal hatred to them for killing Vrakth." Who swears this exactly?
 * 88) **Added --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) *I'll take another look after these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 00:23, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) **Thanks for your feedback, I guess that my writing style isn't the best --Jinzler 23:18, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ***That doesn't mean that it can't be improved. :)  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) Attack of the Clone II
 * 93) * "Tricks of the bounty hunter trade": bit awkward and plays too much upon slang; please reword.
 * 94) **Reworded --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * "and he planned to use it as an opportunity to capture them": "them" meaning the Alderaanian agents or the Nazren?
 * 96) **Clarified --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * "Capitalize on" is a bit awkward wording; the way I learned it was that it's applied to usually take advantage of a situation that has already been laid out for you, or one that is really grim, not really one in which you have the choice yourself. As it is currently portrayed in the P&T, the situation doesn't seem to have a downside, and it looks like Vrakth was in control of what his actions were instead of being required to complete something.
 * 98) **Rephrased --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) ***"from being there" makes it sound like he was being paid to simply be there. I've changed it to "during his stay."  CC7567  (talk) 09:47, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) *Good work with the article's improvement.  CC7567  (talk) 03:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) **Thanks for helping to improve it --Jinzler 08:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I have delt with some of your objections IFYLOFD, I will do the rest somewhen in a few days time --Jinzler 22:42, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Charsae Saal

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 18:33, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:My second GAnom from WookieeProject Legacy Era

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:54, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:33, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice work, Jon :-).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:51, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:15, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 18:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) *Note: This is just a preliminary list of objections. Any further ones will be posted later.
 * 3) * A main quote is needed.
 * 4) **Addressed...don't know how I missed that :P
 * 5) * When you first mention it in the intro, you should note that Chara is Saal's Hidden One name.
 * 6) **Addressed
 * 7) * Master of the Order should be linked in both the intro and the "Early life."
 * 8) **Done
 * 9) * Context on the "dying" ceremony for the intro.
 * 10) **Addressed
 * 11) * The intro could probably use a little expansion - you mention the events in the beginning and the end of the novel, but not much from the middle.
 * 12) **Better?
 * 13) * I'm guessing you can note that he lived during the Rise of the Empire era in the intro, given the quote in "Early life."
 * 14) **I used the in-universe time period, Republic Classic era. Is that ok?
 * 15) ***Sorry, I mean to say "in the infobox." I suppose you can keep the Republic Classic era in the intro, though. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:51, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Added to the infobox. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 22:17, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "...to the Caverns of the Hidden One. The caverns were home to the Hidden Ones..." is a little redundant. Perhaps rephrase it as "...to a set of secret caverns home to the Hidden Ones..."
 * 18) **Done.
 * 19) * To avoid long sentences, the rest of that sentence and the following one could probably then be combined.
 * 20) **Is this what you had in mind?
 * 21) ***No, but it looks better than what I had thought of. :P Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:51, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) *I'll look over the rest of it soon. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:30, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 20:16, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Context on Luke's exile - I don't think a lot is needed.
 * 25) **Better?
 * 26) * A brief mention of Ben's fight with Tistura Paan would be nice.
 * 27) **Added.
 * 28) * "They convinced the Baran Do to allow them to go to the Caverns of the Hidden One with Saal." - who's "they"?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * "He also told them that—now that they had come to the caverns, they could never leave." - did you originally have additional phrase(s) in this sentence? The dash really shouldn't be there.
 * 31) **Removed.
 * 32) * "...in order to prove his theory that—in accepting death, the Hidden Ones were losing their strength in the Force." - same as the last objection.
 * 33) **Removed.
 * 34) * I'm seeing a lot of repetition of "the Hidden Ones." Replacing some with "them" would be a good idea, especially since you mention Koro Ziil as "the leader of the Hidden Ones and known as the Hidden One."
 * 35) **Better?
 * 36) *Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:51, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Thanks! :P Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( Jedi beacon ) 22:17, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) Soresu
 * 39) * Context on the Baran Do upon first mention in the body.
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) * Context on what a naming ceremony is.
 * 42) **Addressed.
 * 43) * I'm not sure you can say that he "returned" to the Baran Do, since the Hidden ones were a sect of it, and thus he was in it all along.
 * 44) **Changed.
 * 45) * Ziil still attempted to do things his way, but many of the Hidden Ones turned against him, Is Chara one of the "many"?
 * 46) **It's not stated explicitly until he asks "What lies?" in regard to Ben revealing Ziil's lies. Is this better?
 * 47) *Other than that good work. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 12:07, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) **Thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:52, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 50) * Give context to Tistura Paan.
 * 51) **Done.
 * 52) * Tell the name of his homeworld earlier in the bio.
 * 53) **Addressed.
 * 54) * "In 43.5 ABY, former Jedi Grand Master Luke Skywalker—recently exiled from Coruscant and the Jedi Order—and his son, Ben Skywalker, traveled to Dorin, searching for Ziil in the hopes of finding out more about what may have caused former Jedi Knight Jacen Solo's fall to the dark side of the Force" Long sentence with a lot of commas. Split them up to make it flow better.
 * 55) **Better?
 * 56) * Mention that Ziil is the Hidden One before, since you mention his throne chamber before with no explanation.
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) * A quote for P&T and/or P&A?
 * 59) **Added.
 * 60) *Nice work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:30, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) **Thanks Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 03:14, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) Grunny:
 * 63) * You need to make it clearer why Luke was exiled in the bio, since this is explained in the intro but not in the bio.
 * 64) **Addressed.
 * 65) * This plays into the previous objection, you mention Darth Caedus in the intro and Jacen Solo in the bio, you need to clarify in the bio that they are the same person.
 * 66) **Addressed.
 * 67) * "The Baran Do agreed to allow the Skywalkers to go to the Caverns of the Hidden One with Saal." Could you expand this sentence to clarify why Luke and Ben would want to go to the Caverns of the Hidden One. Maybe that they recognized the possibility that Ziil might be there.
 * 68) **Better?
 * 69) * Ithia could be mentioned in the first section of bio as someone he regularly dueled.
 * 70) **Added.
 * 71) * "But to Ziil's great dismay, rather than choosing his own new name, he expressed his desire to rename many of them, beginning with Chara." Please clarify who "he" is.
 * 72) **Done. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:06, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * Grunny  ( Talk ) 10:04, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) The clone is really harassing your noms, isn't he?
 * 75) * Just a suggestion (feel free to disagree): in the intro, could the first mention of "Chara" be removed and simply and bolded when Saal takes the name, instead of at the beginning? It's not necessary, but it might sound better, because mentioning the Hidden Ones in the beginning without context personally seems a little off to me.
 * 76) **Addressed.
 * 77) * When it says that Saal "taught" Paan, what exactly did he teach her? It can be changed to "took <Paal> as an apprentice" or something clearer, because if you use "taught," you need to state what exactly Saal taught her.
 * 78) **Fixed.
 * 79) * Context needed for Coruscant.
 * 80) **Added.
 * 81) * "In 43.5 ABY, former Jedi Grand Master Luke Skywalker—recently exiled from Coruscant and the Jedi Order for failing to prevent Jedi Knight Jacen Solo's turn to the dark side of the Force and transformation into the Sith Lord Darth Caedus—and his son, Ben Skywalker, traveled to Dorin." This sentence needs to be broken up. I think Luke's exile can be mentioned in the following sentence, and if it's there, it can better link as to why he and Ben were searching for Ziil.
 * 82) **Better? I'll get to the rest of the objections as soon as I can. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:15, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) *" The Skywalkers were allowed into the Baran Do temple after Ben dueled with Tistura Paan and defeated her." Reworded the sentence a bit myself. If Paan's defeat was the reason the Skywalkers were admitted into the temple, it needs to be made clearer. If not, it needs to be rephrased.
 * 84) **Is his better, or still too unclear?
 * 85) *** It's still a bit unclear. What specifically were the terms of entry? I haven't read the book, but it seems more likely to me that Paan would have to be defeated in a duel by either of the Skywalkers, unless she specifically challenged Ben. You can state the terms in one sentence and then state how Ben met them in the next.
 * 86) ****I added more info, is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 18:13, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) *****Definitely no more than that; otherwise it'll deviate from the subject of the article.  CC7567  (talk) 18:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * Why couldn't the Skywalkers leave after finding the caverns?
 * 89) **Addressed.
 * 90) * Why was it "too good an opportunity" for Ziil to pass up?
 * 91) **Better?
 * 92) * "to do things his way": too colloquial, please reword.
 * 93) **Addressed.
 * 94) * "he was not afraid to see the truth": rather awkward because of "afraid"; please reword.
 * 95) **Better?
 * 96) *** "not unwilling" is a bit awkward. Unless you want to expand upon that to make it clearer, I think it can be changed to "he was able to see the truth" or something of the like.  CC7567  (talk) 17:59, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) ****Done. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 18:13, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) * "the effects of being resigned to the fact that he was dead to the outside world weakened him greatly": rather confusing; please check this. It sounds like you're trying to make a comparison, but it doesn't sound very clear.
 * 99) **Better? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 15:59, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) * CC7567  (talk) 04:59, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Todd

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:25, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The unlimited POWAH in the flesh. Inspired by such projects as Max and Buick

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) I hope he likes PIE. Kilson Likes PIE 19:20, 22 April 09 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 21:04, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) You need to expand the intro more. Just mention that he was incontrol of the characters you listed in the bio, and it should be good. Kilson Likes PIE 04:32, 21 April 09 (UTC)
 * 2) *Buffed the intro a little more. Should I make it any longer, it may as well replace the biography. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:13, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **That's good enough, nice article. Kilson Likes PIE 19:20, 22 April 09 (UTC)
 * 4) Alright. Show time.
 * 5) * At an unknown time period, an all-out battle occurred between the fugitive Jedi Zayne Carrick, the Arkanian offshoot Jarael, the leader of the Mandalorians Mandalore the Ultimate and Mandalore's lackey, the Lord of Pain Darth Sion. - Perhaps that could be broken down somewhat; bit of a run on.
 * 6) * The Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader, the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, the Snivvian con man Marn Hierogryph and the Gungan Jar Jar Binks were also present there, although Vader and Skywalker were busy dueling each other. - Same problem. I'd recommend stopping off first after the "present there" part, and perhaps starting the next part as a fresh sentence.
 * 7) **Reworded both.
 * 8) * Todd suddenly appeared in the midst of the battle and witnessed a fight between Carrick and Mandalore, commenting that Mandalore was intense. - Just why did he feel he was intense? Please explain. Also, where and why did he appear from, and how did he appear? Did he jump out of a bush? An unknown location would be better, were it specified.
 * 9) **This guy appears in one frame of a one-page comic. I'm afraid there is not much of an explanation of why he is there or where did he appear from. In the first couple of frames he is not present, then he just appears all of sudden. Expanded the Mandalore part though.
 * Ah, wasn't aware of that. Fair enough. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) * Todd's appearance was one of the factors that left Jar Jar confused. - Bit of explanation as to why it did that, please.
 * 2) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 3) *A light-skinned male with brown hair, Todd was dressed in what looked like a traditional brown Jedi robe. However, under the robe he wore a shirt with a picture of an individual of Yoda's species. - Perhaps you could go on to explain what this suggests P and T wise?
 * 4) **See below. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Per Kilson; introduction, please.
 * 6) **Intro expanded. See response to Kilson's objection. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:03, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * If you're listing his clothing, for instance, in the P and T, then perhaps a small equipment section can be gleaned, per the layout guide?
 * 8) **In response to this objection and the one about his clothing. I figured out that combining all this info into one paragraph was better than having multiple paragraphs containing one sentence each. And btw, a personality is not just what you do, but also what you wear and how you look. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:03, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *Yes, I know. Point taken, however. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *That's all, for now. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  13:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Attack of the Clone
 * 12) * "However, Vader and Skywalker were busy dueling each other." The use of "however" implies that it had a direct effect on Todd, which it doesn't seem to right now. If it did, please be clearer.
 * 13) **Reworded.
 * 14) * "Carrick asked who Todd was": can this be rephrased to something less colloquial?
 * 15) **Rephrased.
 * 16) * "and claimed that everyone present there were his unwitting pawns": the word "everyone" is singular; please replace it.
 * 17) **Replaced.
 * 18) *"Todd's appearance was one of the factors that left Jar Jar confused, since Todd was not supposed to be there. Just as the others could not be at the same place since they all were from different time periods." A few things for these two sentences:
 * 19) ** I think "factors" can be removed; it's rather awkward phrasing.
 * 20) ** Why exactly was Todd "not supposed" to be there?
 * 21) ** Even though this article is non-canon, the second sentence is Out-of-Universe and makes it rather confusing. If it can be changed, please do so; if it needs to stay the way it is, please merge it with the first sentence.
 * 22) ***The sentences are merged/reworded.
 * 23) * "indicating that he was possibly a very powerful being": I know that this claim was more of an implication than a statement, but "possibly" sounds too speculative.
 * 24) **Reworded a bit. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 21:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 03:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * The 264 balancing on the edge words at the time of the nomination. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:25, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * After the copyedit I just did, the article is 298 according to Microsoft Word.  CC7567  (talk) 03:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Hoth (comic)

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 04:02, 20 April 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Kind of a pointless, useless comic. But yet I nominate it? Strange. :)

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 03:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:49, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:39, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) You're right; kinda pointless, but oh well. :P  CC7567  (talk) 06:44, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 23:17, 28 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Doesn't meet the word limit of 250 words, so it needs expansion. Also, "JF Boivin of the TheForce.Net" is not a critical review so that shouldn't be there. You need to find credible critical reviews, not just some fan's opinion.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 06:48, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I expanded the article a little, without the reception section, I got 251 words. Also, could you sugest any credible review sites I can use, becuase I am having problems finding a good site to use, or would it be a better idea just to get rid of the Reception subsection overall? Thanks for the review by the way. Kilson Likes PIE 19:54, 20 April 09 (UTC)
 * 3) **Now 252 words, cleaned up a little more, and removed the questionable "Reception" section. I'm leaving the external link, however, as there's nothing wrong with having it. —Xwing328 (Talk) 03:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) It still needs to be expanded, particularly the plot summary. Also, it could written a touch smoother.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:32, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *I tried to expand the summary a little, although it is just a two page comic. Kilson Likes PIE 19:46, 01 May 09 (UTC)

Comments

Tahiri Veila's grandfather

 * Nominated by: Tinwe 08:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Because the thought of making a GA out of a character mentioned in a throwaway line amuses me. :) See further comments below.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice one-shot.  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:16, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 14:15, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 03:13, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:58, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Looking good.  CC7567  (talk) 03:25, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) You need to mention in the body that he was a Human male. There should be no info in the intro that is not in the main part of the article. --Eyrezer 09:36, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed. I thought it would suffice that the gender and species were mentioned and sourced in the infobox, that's why I hadn't added them in the body. Thanks for the review! --Tinwe 10:46, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The statement of "it is not known" should be avoided; it's a step OOU. Only state what is known; what you lay out in the next sentence.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:37, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Addressed. Thank you for taking a look. :) --Tinwe 06:59, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Soresu
 * 6) * I'm sorry, but I can't support this article until is placed in it. I understand that he is indeed Tahiri's grandfather, but that's what conjecture is for&mdash;when the subject has no canonical in-universe name. If you feel that the wording is innapropriate, feel free to bring it up in SH or CT. But until either is done, you'll have to do it our way.  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:09, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **All right. I changed the template for the time being; my intention is indeed to bring this up on either of the forums, but right now I don't have the time or the energy to formulate a proper proposal. Thanks for taking the time to read the article. --Tinwe 15:55, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) No quotes, no relevant pictures. I guess an image of Tahiri could be added if someone wants, even though the article borders on having "too much Tahiri" as it is. :) In case we decide to have the image, which one would in your opinion be the best for the article? (See Category:Images of Tahiri Veila.)
 * 2) *Perhaps File:TahiriCon.jpg? --Eyrezer 09:36, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **That is sort of what I had in mind also. :) I'll add it later if others support the inclusion of Tahiri's image. --Tinwe 10:46, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) I know the infobox doesn't necessarily have to be sourced if there is only one appearance. However, since there is information in the article from sources other than Anakin's Quest which is the character's sole appearance, I thought it best to source the infobox as well for the sake of clarity.
 * 5) *Actually, the infobox does need to be sourced if there are other references in the body, so you have done it correct here. --Eyrezer 09:36, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **I suspected that might be the case, but I wasn't sure. Good to have it cleared up now. :) --Tinwe 10:46, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Since someone will probably make a note of this, here's the reasoning for using the Nickname template instead of Conjecture: The article name is essentially not conjectural, not in a way, say, Vongerella is. It's a canon fact that the character is Tahiri's grandfather, so the name is not something from the top of my head (or "pure conjecture," as the Conjecture template puts it). While the Nickname template doesn't reflect this entirely accurately, it is better than Conjecture which more or less states that the article name is completely made up and doesn't reflect any canonical fact. Everyone's welcome to disagree, of course.
 * 8) *Well, in my opinion it is still conjectural. I mean "Tahiri Veila's grandfather" is not his real name, but it is not his nickname either. The fact that he was Tahiri's grandfather doesn't make it such. And if the title of the article is not his name or nickname, then it is conjectural. I will not ask you to change it though, since it is really a bit complicated, but you better consult other users. A possible solution would be to change the text of the nickname template(or the conjectural one) a bit. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:27, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **You have a point there, even though I still refuse to call the name conjectural in the sense the dictionary defines it, namely that it's based on a guess (because it's not :). Well, the "Articles that are known by a nickname" category is a subcategory of "Articles with conjectural titles" anyway. :P Changing the text of either of the templates might be a good fix. Thoughts? --Tinwe 06:59, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

That's it, I guess. :) --Tinwe 08:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

Zelka Forn

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Doctor? Doctor Who?

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "After the destruction of the Galactic Republic, the main galactic government of the time, warship Endar Spire, individuals brought in several Republic soldiers who had been seriously wounded in the battle." Huh? Either something's missing or there's extraneous words here, because this doesn't make sense.
 * 3) * "Rakghoul this, rakghoul that": Rakghoul is inconsistently capitalized. Most notably, the term "[R]akghoul serum" is used at least once each way. I seem to possibly remember that Rakghoul should be capitalized, but I'm not sure if that is true or if my crazy brain is making stuff up. Which is correct?
 * 4) *I did a copyedit for you. Remember that the Ref template is only used in the infobox&mdash;you had it in the body, too, which I fixed. Otherwise, it's well-written and easily understandable for someone totally unfamiliar with that era. Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  19:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Benevolent is POV. Please remove.
 * 8) * Linking. Make sure everything is linked once in the intro and the body.
 * 9) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 10) * Try not to use "grieved" twice.
 * 11) * After the destruction of the warship Endar Spire. Why and by whom was the Spire destroyed? Also, you haven't established where this event happened.
 * 12) * Despite the Sith government, the government that followed the Sith ideology, having an occupation of Taris, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers. He put a few of the soldiers in kolto tanks, healing medical tanks, in a back room of his facility. this doesn't flow very well. May I suggest something like Despite the fact that Taris was occupied by the Sith, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers, putting them in kolto tanks in a back room of his facility.
 * 13) * In the intro, you say that Revan killed a patrol to obtain the serum, but in the body, you say he found a corpse. Which is correct?
 * 14) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 15) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 16) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 17) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Fixed, although no, Revan looked in the back room. I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu's second look
 * 20) * There are some previous objections you haven't taken care of. In future, put a message after each objection, to alert the objector to the fact that they are all done, and so that if there are any issues, they can continue the discussion. In this case, to keep it organised, I'll strike all the old ones and reiterate any that are still not addressed.
 * 21) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 22) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 24) **I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him.
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure that you can persuade Forn into believing that you are a friend of the Republic. He then opens the door. The other way is to bash through the door of course. Instead of just saying he discovered them, you need to elaborate on how. One of these outcomes will have to be expanded upon in the body, while the other will have to go to the bts.
 * 26) ****Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * After Revan discovers the soldiers, he and Forn have a short converstion, the details of which should be added into the article.
 * 28) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 29) **You haven't added anything about the CSWE entry or his reaction of you give the serum to someone else.
 * 30) ***Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required.
 * 32) **That was added in before hand; oddly, however, the article includes content however isn't showing anything beneath the first paragraph of the BtS. I'll talk to staff about that. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 34) ** I didn't mean for you to delete that info, I was merely saying that it looked a bunch of facts in a list. The info should be restored and integrated into larger, more orgainsed paragraphs.
 * 35) ***Not deleted. Same problem. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * This page currently is not categorised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **It is categorized, but the categories are in the section not showing. By the time you're reading this, they should be fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Hm. Odd. Seems fine now. Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  16:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **I'll vote as soon as an AC review comes in. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:12, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 41) *Last names after first mention, please.
 * 42) **What do you mean? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *I'm pretty sure things like "the South" when referring to the Upper City can be dismissed as game mechanics.
 * 44) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *"amnesiac Jedi Knight" doesn't quite cut it when referring to Revan. At the time, he was pretty much nothing in terms of being a Force user; I'd almost prefer that his Force sensitivity is left completely out.
 * 46) **Mhm. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) *"presumably killed" is speculation. Only say what is known.
 * 48) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) *Taris has a "main city?" I thought Taris was a city.
 * 50) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) *Again, something like "no known family members" is out-of-universe and speculation.
 * 52) **Removed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) *Linking needs to be more thorough.
 * 54) **Hm. Could you point out generally where, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) *Rakghoul disease needs context in the bio.
 * 56) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *Second paragraph of the bio needs to be broken up; it's a mishmash of not-yet-converged storylines.
 * 58) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) *How Shan was on Taris should be provided.
 * 60) **Provided. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) *"Which option Revan took was unknown, as neither results in a change of alignment. The nature of the conversation afterwards, unless Revan threatened Zelka, was such that it did not change the plot nor the character's alignment, therefore it's undetermined if Revan ever discovered the soldiers." – This is all pretty unnecessary. You can sum it up by stating that later sources which canonized the light-side path don't mention Forn or the medical facility.
 * 62) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) *What exactly is meant by "one thousand and fifteen hundred credits?"
 * 64) **Whoops, addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 67) *City of Taris? Do you mean the planet?
 * 68) *Sith government? Was it really a government? Better wording could be used here.
 * 69) *Give more information on the rakghoul disease in the bio.
 * 70) *Give more info on Revan and the circumstances of his amnesia.
 * 71) *Quote for the P&T?
 * 72) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll withhold my vote until some feedback comes. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * You're not meant to vote for your own noms. We got rid of that in the GA system revamp. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Confrontation in the Caverns of the Hidden One

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 01:15, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My WP:LE nom number 3

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice. Keep up the good work! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:56, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:11, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Assuming that the article will be renamed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:02, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Objections time.
 * 2) * First off, I don't like the way you use, in the introduction: "the duel was". Please change "the duel" to "the Duel in the Caverns of the Hidden One. The article's title should be the first mentioned name of the article.
 * 3) **It's conjecturally titled, so until it is specifically named in a source&mdash;and it was not named in Outcast&mdash;I can't put the name in the intro or body.
 * 4) * Context on the Baran Do.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "decided that it was time for him to die" - It's not immediately obvious who "him" is.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "Ziil struck Luke and Ben as paranoid and corrupt," - It'd be better if you could change "struck" to something else, to make it more clear.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * More context on Ithia in the second entitled "Ben and Saal", please.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "Luke gathered all of the Hidden Ones into the throne chamber" - What throne chamber? Specify, please.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "Luke, of course, had no intention of doing so. Instead, he explained his theory to the Hidden Ones, and went on to suggest that Ben, who was barely a Jedi Knight, should duel the Hidden Ones' best fighter and newest addition, the senior combat instructor Charsae Saal, now known as Chara" - Break down into two sentences, please. Currently, it's a run on.
 * 15) **I couldn't find a good place to break this up, so I removed superfluous information that had been stated earlier.
 * 16) * "But then Ben got a blow in on Chara's head," - Could this be reworded? It doesn't sound particularly good as it is.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * "and the Kel Dor went down." - "Went down" sounds rather colloquial. Fell down or something, perhaps?
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * "Finally pushed over the edge" - Whoa, whoa whoa. So we go from Ziil condemning them to be left without oxygen to die to him being incensed and attacking them? What caused this? Elaborate, please.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * What happened to Ziil in the end? Please add in.
 * 23) **What happened to Ziil after the duel is unknown.
 * 24) *Not too bad so far. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:03, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 21:05, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Soresu
 * 27) * You say multiple times that the Hidden Ones were "freed". This is not really the case since they were there by voluntary choice. Try using something else. Other than that, you've done a great job with this article. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:29, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **Addressed. Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:13, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Soresu again
 * 30) * Graestan made a similar objection for your Raid GA. You need to source the "Previous" section of the infobox, and hence everything else as well.
 * 31) **But this time the event is from the same source: Outcast. Do I still have to source it? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:28, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Ah, I see. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:00, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Attack of the Clone
 * 34) *Not an objection, but a note for the future: try to avoid getting too dash-happy. Sometimes dashes just break up the sentence flow more (even though they're intended to do the opposite), and commas will suffice in their place.
 * 35) **Noted, thanks for the advice.
 * 36) * I'm unsure if this is the best thing to do, but since there seem to be two duels, can the subsection of "The duel" be renamed? I know the "stick fight" between Ben and Saal wasn't really a duel persay, but it seems to have equal value. Also, could the article itself be renamed? It's already conjecturally titled, and I don't think brainstorming a better name (that encompasses both duels) will hurt.
 * 37) **Ok, I have a couple ideas, and I wanted to get your input before I actually move the page. "Battle in the Caverns of the Hidden One", "Confrontation in the Caverns of the Hidden One", "Skirmish in the Caverns of the Hidden One". Do you have any further ideas?
 * 38) ***Battle is too major; I think "confrontation" might work. However, you might want to get others' opinions before going ahead with this, especially that of an AC or such.  CC7567  (talk) 12:17, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Jon, just to let you know, I'm casting my vote right now. This is the only one remaining, and I'll strike it when it is fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *****Sure thing. I've contacted an AC, and I'm waiting to hear back. I'll change it once I have. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 18:53, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ******Ok, it's been changed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 01:33, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * In the intro, instead of stating that the duel took place in the throne room of the Caverns of the Hidden One, can it just be mentioned where it chronologically takes place in the intro?
 * 43) **Addressed.
 * 44) * "where they were allowed to speak with Ziil, who was now known only as the Hidden One": Ziil was never mentioned before except as a participant of the duel, so using "now" isn't appropriate; please clear this up.
 * 45) **Addressed.
 * 46) *** Still remains; please check again. It needs to be chronologically structured instead of being mentioned out of the blue; right now there isn't a reason why Ziil was now known as the Hidden One. Both the intro and the body need a slight mention of Ziil's recent ascent to the Hidden One.  CC7567  (talk) 12:17, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) ****I changed around the order a little bit, is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 15:34, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * Context needed for Coruscant.
 * 49) **Added.
 * 50) * "They hoped to talk with Koro Ziil&mdash;the Master of the Order who had briefly trained former Jedi Knight Jacen Solo during Solo's travels after the Yuuzhan Vong War&mdash;in order to find out why Solo had fallen to the dark side of the Force and become a Sith Lord." Dashes break up the sentence flow and should be removed, and the sentence will need rewording. Maybe say, "They hoped to talk with Koro Ziil, the Master of the Order; Ziil had briefly trained former Jedi Knight Jacen Solo...in order to find out why Solo had fallen to the dark side of the force."
 * 51) **Better?
 * 52) * In the body, it's unclear why the Skywalkers went to the Sages; the organization needs to be mentioned in relation to Ziil.
 * 53) **Better?
 * 54) * Since it's mentioned that Luke was not convinced that Saal died, can you briefly say why?
 * 55) **Addressed.
 * 56) * "Luke decided to prove to them that every minute they stayed down in the caverns their power was weakening." First of all, I changed the "he" to "Luke." Second, can you make this clearer? I get the gist of what you're saying, but rather than being an embellishment, the mention of the Sages' time in the caves sounds like it was the cause of their weakening power.
 * 57) **Is this better?
 * 58) * "When his former apprentice, Chara, admitted that he believed that the Skywalkers could be right" I edited the sentence a little bit, but this is the first time that Chara is mentioned as Ziil's former apprentice. Can this be moved up?
 * 59) **Addressed.
 * 60) * "and Ithia told Ziil that maybe the Hidden Ones&mdash;the "experiment"&mdash;had failed.": "maybe" can be changed to something less colloquial, and this part of the sentence needs rewording to make it clearer overall.
 * 61) **Addressed.
 * 62) * "As Luke got up and began moving slowly towards Ziil, holding back the flow of lightning, the other Hidden Ones were evacuating the throne chamber with Ben, who was directing them out a blast door." The way "evacuating" is used makes it sound as if the Hidden Ones were evacuating others, not themselves. Also, it's unclear if Luke continued to deflect the Force lightning even when he hit the pillar, or if he was forced to let it go.
 * 63) **Better?
 * 64) *** Actually, can it be stated why they were fleeing?  CC7567  (talk) 12:17, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) ****Good idea. Added. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 15:34, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) ***** Please check again; this looks like it still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 17:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) ******Sorry, I was in a bit of a rush and missed the "why". Is this better? Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 18:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * "broke free" doesn't seem to be appropriate for the situation; please change.
 * 69) **Changed.
 * 70) * "as well" seems unclear where it is used; it sounds like they turned against him here and didn't earlier when they were trying to escape. If it is already stated how it is, please make it clearer.
 * 71) **Removed.
 * 72) * When the Hidden Ones return to the surface, it's unclear as to whether Ziil went with them or remained.
 * 73) **That's unknown as of now.
 * 74) *Keep up the good work from Outcast.  CC7567  (talk) 04:29, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **Thanks! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:06, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) Sorry for the post-vote objection, but could you rename the sections "The duels", "Ben and Saal" and "Luke and Ziil"? I've already changed "The duels" to "History", but you could try incorporating the purpose of what they were trying to do, respectively; i.e. "Obtaining proof" or something for "Ben and Saal", and a different creative title for "Luke and Ziil".  CC7567  (talk) 04:03, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) *Addressed; feel free to change them as you see fit. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:28, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 79) *Give a little more context on Luke's exile.
 * 80) **Addressed.
 * 81) *...That's it. Well done.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:29, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) **Thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 03:52, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Combined Clans Center Building

 * Nominated by: —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:09, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Re-nomination after addressing the concerns from before, plus significant expansion.

(0 ACs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 02:05, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) I know I put you through a lot, nice article. Kilson Likes PIE 20:12, 04 May 09 (UtC)
 * 3) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 01:09, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Under the pretense that my remaining objection will be fixed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 01:56, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Context on the Combined Clans and the Caamas Document Crisis is needed in the intro and body.
 * 3) **Added. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***You missed the Caamas Document Crisis intro context. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:28, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****How's it look now? —Xwing328 (Talk) 00:33, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****It's good now. Nice job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 01:09, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "the center was unintentionally host to a devastating riot": "Unintentionally" is unnecessary, methinks. Since when did a building (i.e. an inanimate object) ever intentionally host a riot? ;)
 * 8) **Removed. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Security for the building included—but was not necessarily limited to—": The second part of that sounds just a little bit too much like the whole "unknown" thing and probably should be removed. (It's also legalese, but that's off topic.) "Include", by definition, leaves open the possibility that the following list may be incomplete, and in fact some writers insist that it should only be used when followed by an incomplete list (but don't tell a lawyer that). See the usage note halfway down the page here.
 * 10) **I actually agree, I'm not sure why I put that in there in the first place. I'll probably get the rest of these once I "contextify" everything. Thanks for the review! —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "Councilor Leia Organa Solo and her husband Han Solo were inadvertently visiting the building at the same time in an attempt to exam the Combined Clans' financial records.": They were in the building intentionally (i.e. to examine the financial records), so "inadvertently" doesn't make sense in that context. Reword, please (perhaps "''By coincidence,&hellip;").
 * 12) **Corrected. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 23:11, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Kilson's problems
 * 15) * In the BtS, you should give the exact year the novel was released instead of saying the late '90s. Just to be more accurate.
 * 16) **"late 1990's" because the duology was spread out over two years, but I added it after the book like other writings often due. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * In the history, you mention that two Leresai were killed by the sniper. Why is this important, what do Leresais have to do with the building or the riot?
 * 18) **They have nothing to do with it other than they were at the riot and were killed. It's some of the only info actually provided about it. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * At the end of the history section, you say the entire first floor of the building was destroyed, why, how? You need to explain this also.
 * 20) **Explained as best I can. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Why are the Imperials now instigating riots (this goes along with context on the Caamas Document Crisis that Manster Jonathan asked for), why is this Drend Nevatt dude there shooting up the place? Context need here too.
 * 22) **Answered and contextified. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * You mention that Senator Orou'cya in a quote asking Leia for help, but you don't mention this in the history section.
 * 24) **Missed this one first time around. Good now, I think. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:58, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * You don't have any information in the history section about the building before or after 19 ABY. If any exists, you should put it in there.
 * 26) **None exists. Please keep objections within the rules laid out at the top of this page. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:24, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *I don't want to sound nasty or anything, especially after all the help you gave me in the Hoth nom, but you need a lot more information about the Clan Building. After you address these, I'll re-review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:01, 29 April 09 (UTC)
 * 28) **That's out of line. You're not even on one of the article review panels; please be more respectful. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:25, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) ***Really, I don't want to sound mean, and I mean no disrespect to Xwing, but the article is lacking in information. It's true, I am not an Agricorps member, and I might be compeletly wrong on this, but I think the article needs more context to what exactly happened during this riot. Kilson Likes PIE 19:15, 29 April 09 (UTC)
 * 30) ****I will try to add what little left there is, including some context, but like Graestan has said, the author just didn't provide much more. PS: since final projects are due this weekend, it might be a few days before I get back to it. I can leave you a message when to check it. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) One question from Dan
 * 32) * Was it a three-story building, or a building with at least three floors? The article currently implies that it's a three-story building, but I somehow suspect it's not specified in the book (which is currently boxed, or I'd check myself.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 20:50, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Yes, it's three floors. Aside from the part stating the atrium having three floors and then describing the staircases connecting the floors, it talks about people on the first floor during the riot, and those escaping to the "upper two floors," hence three. And then Han is stated to be on the third-floor balcony, later referred to as the top. Now, since the atrium is only the first third of the building, the rest of the building could theoretically be taller. I know you didn't need all that info, just explaining. And I've reworded it to hopefully reflect this better. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **OK, makes sense. Thanks! &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 02:05, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 36) *Tell us what the Combined Clans are in the intro.
 * 37) **Done. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Context on the Caamas Document Crisis.
 * 39) **Done. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) *"Councilor Leia Organa Solo" Councilor for what?
 * 41) **Added. You want this specific but you guys don't like mentioning two Leresai? —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *Does it matter that two Leresai were killed?
 * 43) **Yes, added context. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 19:46, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Attack of the Clone
 * 46) * "During the 19 ABY Caamas Document Crisis&mdash;brought about by the discovery of a document that implicated the involvement of Bothans in the destruction of Caamas&mdash;the center was host to a devastating riot incited by Imperials just prior to the Second Battle of Bothawui." First of all, I did some rewording for this sentence. However, the context for the crisis is rather windy, and even with dashes, it derives from the sentence flow. Can it be compacted/smoothed out in any way?
 * 47) * "An ornamental stairway ran between the first two floors, yet only a standard stairway connected the top two floors." Use of the word "yet" doesn't seem to be appropriate for a description of the building itself, unless it's extremely awe-worthy or extremely contrasting.
 * 48) **It is contrasting (ornamental vs. ordinary), hence the use of the word. I'll go for something less extreme like "while," if it appeases you. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:42, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ***Nah, that's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 01:56, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * "representative to Bothawui": I was going to change it to "of Bothawui", but I wasn't really sure if that's what you meant. Also, it should be made clearer about where Fey'lya represented Bothawui.
 * 51) **Added what he represented. Also, "representative to" and "representative of" are essentially interchangeable in the English language. If it really bugs you, we can change it, too. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:42, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Concurrent with the arrival of Leia Organa Solo and her husband Han Solo at the Combined Clans Center Building in order to look into the Bothan financial records": the use of "concurrent" isn't really appropriate here, since the following details about the Solos' mission are admittedly rather lengthy. Even with rewording of the sentence itself, I think the Solos' mission needs to be stated differently from their arrival.
 * 53) **Yup, fixed. —Xwing328 (Talk) 02:28, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * "another species whose government adamantly demanded sanctions against the Bothans": it sounds like the Leresai also had a government that demanded sanctions against the Bothans; I know that you're saying that they were simply another species, but it needs to be reworded for clarity.
 * 55) **Actually, this one goes both ways, as they are simply another species, but they are also now one of several species demanding sanctions. But I changed "another" to "a" to eliminate unnecessary confusion. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:42, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Calm" is a noun, but it's not a state itself; "calm" can't really be appealed for. Please change to another word.
 * 57) **I respectfully disagree with you on this as well, and I hope you reconsider. Calm can be asked or appealed for, and it is in fact a quite common phrase to "appeal for calm". Not that the web is always reliable, but Google it if you still disagree. As you can see, quite a few news agencies even use this phrase. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:42, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) * "Bothan guards fired shots into the crowd that ended in the destruction of the entire first floor": the use of "ended" makes it sound like the action abruptly stopped altogether; if this is the case, please make it clearer, but if not, please rephrase.
 * 59) **Would "resulted" be a better word choice? If so, done. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:42, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) * CC7567  (talk) 05:01, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Francis the pink Wookiee

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 01:58, 29 April 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Yeah, a pink Wookiee, do I have to say anything else.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 22:54, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Cute. Nice to see an article for an Easter-egg-type character that isn't full of fanon for a change.  Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 06:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 03:26, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Noice.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 19:58, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) The Grand Master Speaks
 * 2) * "During his time in the rebellion", should be worded more clearly, such as "during his time fighting in the rebellion", or something along those lines. Not a big deal&mdash;it could just be a little smoother.
 * 3) **I changed it to tenure because I had already used fought in the same sentence, and it might sound awkward to put fighting in there.
 * 4) * "Francis, a male Wookiee bounty hunter, joined Renegade Squadron during the Galactic Civil War, the war between the Galactic Empire and the Alliance to Restore the Republic, sometime between 0 BBY and 4 ABY." This is long and dragging; reword it or break it up with dashes so it can flow better.
 * 5) * There are multiple times throught the article where you use the phrase; the Alliances'. The possessive of "Alliance" is Alliance's, not Alliances'. Be sure to fix these.
 * 6) * "He was given the nickname" "He" should be changed to "Francis" to avoid confusion, as you were just talking about two other "he"s.
 * 7) * Why Renegade squadron was disbanded could use a little context.
 * 8) * Is anything known about what happened to Francis after the squadron was disbanded?
 * 9) **Sorry, no.
 * 10) * "During his tenure with Renegade Squadron, Francis used a DL-44 heavy blaster pistol to fight with." This is awkward and bad grammar. "Fight with" should be removed or reworded.
 * 11) * Is it known exactly what type of X-wing Francis flew? If so, include the type.
 * 12) * "Francis can be a playable character" "Playable character" is a little awkward, try to use a word other than "playable" there, or reword part of the section.
 * 13) * "Francis the pink Wookiee was imagined up by Jeff Pena," Same thing here with "imagined up". In this case, a word along the lines of "created" would be preferred.
 * 14) *Not bad for an article about a pink Wookiee. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 21:35, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **OK, I addressed your objection, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 22:39, 29 April 09 (UTC)
 * 16) Attack of the Clone
 * 17) * In both the intro and the body, why, specifically, was Renegade Squadron new?
 * 18) **I got a bit in the intro in, but what else were you looking for? Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *** It sounded like mentioning "new" just on passing wasn't really appropriate; perhaps "recently created" or something of the like. I wasn't really asking for more context, just to clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 06:34, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ****Better? Graestan ( Talk ) 06:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *****Looks fine.  CC7567  (talk) 06:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "During" is used twice in the intro; please use word variety.
 * 23) **Addressed. Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "In the video game Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron, Francis can be a playable character through the game's character personalization feature." Please change "can be"; it's rather unclear.
 * 25) **Tell me how it looks. Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * Unfortunately, after the copyedit I just gave the article, it now stands at 244 words. Please expand if you can.  CC7567  (talk) 06:16, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **I expanded it with my own copyedit. ;) Graestan ( Talk ) 06:30, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) Was it really stated somewhere that he is non-canon? I would use Easteregg instead. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *I guess you were right, I addressed it. Kilson Likes PIE 21:19, 5 May 09 (UTC)

Casal Marskan

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:37, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Following in his brother's footsteps.

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 21:50, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 18:50, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 03:49, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:08, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice job. Kilson Likes PIE 21:14, 5 May 09 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * "&hellip;served aboard the Mon Calamari Star Cruiser Independence during the Galactic Civil War and the younger brother of Ernek Marskan." The last part needs to be broken up into a new sentence; right now, it's a run-on.
 * 3) * Context on Hirodi in intro and bio.
 * 4) * "&hellip;mission to capture a pair of Imperial corvettes and his brother blamed Farlander for his death." This is also a run-on, and "and his brother blamed Farlander for his death" should be made into a separate sentence.
 * 5) * "&hellip;hoped to create a squadron of pilots, guided by the Force, who would be unstoppable against the Galactic Empire." This is halting and awkward. Please reword or break up into separate sentences.
 * 6) * "The Priam's capture gave the Alliance a lead on locating the Empire's Death Star battlestation and two CR90 corvettes from Ethar group were dispatched to the prison planet Despayre to investigate." Once again, either break up into two sentences, or throw in a comma after "battlestation".
 * 7) * "A few days after the incident in the pilots' lounge&hellip;" What incident in the pilot's lounge? Is this the one mentioned earlier? The way it's worded sounds kinda random; be more specific or connect it to the earlier incident better.
 * 8) * "The X-wings arrived before the rest of the Rebel forces to clear out any defenses and emerged from hyperspace to find two Lambda-class shuttles in the process of boarding the corvettes." Another one that's awkward and halting. Reword, please.
 * 9) * "His attitude led to many of the other pilots joining Ernek Marskan in turning against him, before Farlander finally rejected the dark side." One more to reword. Just try to make it flow a little smoother: "joining Enrek Marksan in turning against him, before Farlander finally rejected the dark side" is awkward.
 * 10) * "he soon started to take Farlander's adivce, which his brother later believed had led to his death." Change "started" to something that would go smoother there, like "began", and "later believed had led to his death" doesn't really follow with the tense of the rest of the sentence. Change this to something along the lines of "&hellip;believed led him to his death", or "&hellip;believed was the cause of his death."
 * 11) *Nice article, just work on smoothing out some of the sentences :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 03:04, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **All addressed. Let me know if there's anything else. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:36, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) Attack of the Clone
 * 14) * A little context needed for Keyan Farlander; it's implied that he had Force powers because of being "influenced by the dark side," but it's a little vague.
 * 15) ** Think this is still needed in the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 01:42, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Farlander had fallen under the influence of the dark side and hoped to create an invincible squadron of pilots guided by the Force." Especially since this starts a new paragraph, it comes up out of the blue and seems like the article is talking more about Farlander than Marskan.
 * 18) * The Lambda shuttles' affiliation is initially unclear; please add something.
 * 19) *Looks good otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 01:10, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **All addressed. It's hard not to talk about Farlander when the book is written from his point of view, but I've thrown in an extra mention of Marskan to try and get it back to him. Green Tentacle (Talk) 01:36, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) Soresu
 * 22) * caused many of the other pilots to join Ernek Marskan in turning against him. Could it be explained what "turned against him" means? Is it just a rejection of the dark side or a physical conflict SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:11, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Reworded. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) Kilson's thoughts
 * 25) * You mention in the second paragraph of the Bio an altercation between Farlander and Raider. Could you give a little bit more information on this altercation, like if it was a physical or verbal one.
 * 26) * The Death Star needs a little more context in the Bio.
 * 27) * Mention in the intro when Marskan was killed. Just say 0 BBY like you did in the Bio.
 * 28) *Other than that, looks perfect. Kilson Likes PIE 21:58, 04 May 09 (UTC)
 * 29) **All done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:02, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 31) *Give a little context to the Rebels and their struggle.
 * 32) *Is the altercation between Raider and Farlander really relevant?
 * 33) *Was Marskan Force-sensitive? It says that Farlander tells him to use the Force, but it never says that he's Force-sensitive outright.
 * 34) *"A few days after addressing the rookie pilots in the pilots' lounge," Was this when he told them to be aggressive? If not, then mention this earlier.
 * 35) *Not bad.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Onnelly Praji

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 02:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A cloth-eared bint if ever there was one.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 05:02, 02 May 09 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 21:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:02, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * I found it a bit strange that Tannon Praji was introduced in the intro as Maree's husband; I mean, it's normally a given that they were married. In any case, it's currently exclusive to the intro.
 * 3) **I cut Maree out of the intro.
 * 4) * Byss needs context in the intro.
 * 5) **Already there, I mention that it's Palpatine's private retreat.
 * 6) ***Could you check this again? It doesn't look like anything changed for Byss in the intro; it currently says nothing except that the Emerald Speldor Estates were on it.
 * 7) ****The context is a few sentences later. Thefourdotelipsis 21:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "Sonta, actually the Jedi Drake Lo'gaan": rather awkward; please change to "who was actually the Jedi Drake Lo'gaan" or something similar.
 * 9) **Fixed.
 * 10) * "as he was not making any sense to her" needs to be reworded, as does "Sonta put it bluntly"; both are rather grammatically awkward.
 * 11) **Tweaked.
 * 12) ***Could you check the first one again? "Not making any sense" is usually impersonal; it's usually "it doesn't make sense," not necessarily "not making sense to a person." Please try to reword.  CC7567  (talk) 19:00, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Tweaked again. Thefourdotelipsis 21:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Who was "the boy" who "was in fact a Jedi"? Bit unclear.
 * 15) **Well, I've only called one person "the boy" up to this point.
 * 16) * "and was not acting undercover" sounds unclear; do you mean he was now acting undercover? If not, please clear this up.
 * 17) **This has already been tweaked.
 * 18) * Please check your use of the word "debark"; I think you mean "depart".
 * 19) **I do indeed. Fixed.
 * 20) * "She was reliant on her father's ability to buy her what she wanted." Please reword this; it sounds a bit awkward as well.
 * 21) **Tweaked.
 * 22) * In the Bts, "established" is used twice; can one be changed?
 * 23) **Yes. Tweaked.
 * 24) * CC7567  (talk) 03:04, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 09:23, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 27) *In the intro: Tell why they were being relocated.
 * 28) **Fixed.
 * 29) *Give some context on Lo'gaan in the intro: such as he survived the Purge.
 * 30) **I've mentioned that he's a fugitive.
 * 31) *Tell what the Ministry of Ingress is.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) *"The boy obliged, and began carrying all the bags by himself at once." Is the part about the bags necessary?
 * 34) **Yes, it shows that a random stranger went through an extraneous amount of work for her.
 * 35) *Underlinking throughout the bio.
 * 36) **Could you cite specific examples?
 * 37) *"One of the stormtroopers observed that Lo'gaan had survived the jump—Tremayne was not surprised." Does it matter to the article whether Tremayne was surprised?
 * 38) **I've added a bit to the end there.
 * 39) *The P&T quote is really more relevant to Lo'gaan than to Onnelly.
 * 40) **It's gone.
 * 41) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:49, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 22:40, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Lol sector

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 09:36, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Worth a laugh

(3 ACs/5 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Your primary source of holoporn in the Outer Rim. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:36, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) I can't believe I paused my viewing of holoporn to read this.  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:48, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * :P --Eyrezer 00:27, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 01:42, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:27, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) What's so funny about it? I don't get it... Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 19:49, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:18, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) LOL -- IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:03, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Wikipedia is not a source.  NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 15:35, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Switched to dictionary.com
 * 3) Attack of the Clone
 * 4) * "In the Lol sector, its operations included the Kendamari Casinos operating out of Kendamar." "Operation" is used here in two different forms, but it's still redundant; can one be changed?
 * 5) **Switched the first to businesses.
 * 6) * Per Naru's objection above, you might want to consider simply removing it. Yes, it shares the same name, but that's the only relation it has to the subject of the article; it doesn't seem to have any effect on the subject itself or vice versa.
 * 7) * CC7567  (talk) 19:07, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **As someone pointed on on IRC, this is something of a vandal shield. I either state the obvious or it gets added by vandals. And admit it, the name was part of the reason you looked at the article :P --Eyrezer 23:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***To deny that would be lying. :P  CC7567  (talk) 01:42, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Zilaash Kuh

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:06, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor character from Outcast

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 20:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:53, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * In the intro, why did the Alliance seek to capture Horn?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Coruscant needs context.
 * 5) **The first mention in the bio already does.
 * 6) ***Whoops, missed that.  CC7567  (talk) 20:08, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Kuh also did not have a criminal record" sounds too trivial, and too out of the blue. Please try to fit this better into the P&T, or else remove it if it's irrelevant.
 * 8) **Removed.
 * 9) * "she piloted with Nyz in his flatbed cargo hauler": even if there were two pilots for the speeder, it's a bit confusing. Please try to reword this.
 * 10) **Is this better?
 * 11) *Looking good.  CC7567  (talk) 19:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 20:02, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) Soresu
 * 14) * She seemed to see herself in a slightly superior light compared with others, especially the Jedi Order, whose popularity had fallen in the public eye in light of recent events. Try to avoid using light twice.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * The P&T should also summarize any skills she had eg. ability to use certain weapons, fly vehicles etc. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:03, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Added. Thanks for the review Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:59, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 19) *Is it stated in Outcast that few non-Force sensitives could wield a lightsaber? Because if not, you'll have to either source it and the rest of the article or just remove it outright. Other than that, looking good.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:34, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **There are several lines that imply this, such as:

The main problem, though, is that it is never outright stated that she is non-Force-sensitive, so I can't really put that in the article; only that she was one of the few non-Jedi/Sith. If you think I should remove it, though, I will. Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi beacon ) 11:13, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ballad of Cham Syndulla

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 20:10, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: TCW, of course.  CC7567  (talk) 20:10, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 20:57, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 21:37, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Come on, what's better than a Twi'lek rap. I mean, other that PIE of course. Kilson Likes PIE 01:58, 3 May 09 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Just one objection: You have the date listed as 22 BBY and sourced to the film novelization, however that novel only dates the Battle of Christophsis and the Battle of Teth and says nothing about these events. For all we know, the calendar could have rolled over to a new year. Until Lucasfilm solves this mess with an official timeline, I don't think it is possible to put a date on this unless you can find an official source that specifically dates these events. Otherwise, good job! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 20:34, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **It seems to have been applied to all of the events of the series. I could kick myself for saying this, but I think that it's the best we have to go off of; it's better than nothing. Thanks as well.  CC7567  (talk) 20:51, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***That may be so, but unless it is specifically stated in an official source, it's fanon. In fact, the Timeline of the Clone Wars article got deleted over these exact fanon dates. I still feel that you should remove the date and possibly add TCWRetcon, but I'd like to get the opinion of an AC or Inq on this. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 21:11, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****What would you recommend doing? Since all of the events need to be consistent, would you recommend adding "circa" to the dates, or simply removing them altogether?  CC7567  (talk) 21:24, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Now that you mention it, "circa" would probably be the best solution. Put that in, and I'll strike. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 21:30, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Addressed, thanks.  CC7567  (talk) 21:32, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) The Grand Master
 * 9) * You use "formed" twice in the same sentence in the intro, see if you can change one of these or reword the sentence.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * You say that they "surrender and retreat", but then keep fighting. Did they actually surrender, or just temporarily give up and go into hiding? Please clear this up.
 * 12) **Was confused for this; Syndulla actually said that they were "forced to surrender" in the episode, but apparently Filoni and the guys writing the scripts for TCW didn't realize that it implies that the freedom fighters would also be captured if they surrendered.
 * 13) *Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 20:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thank youz.  CC7567  (talk) 20:51, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) You should mention in the origins section that the resistance lost a lot of men at Cazne. Other than that, seems good. And you beat me to the aricle. :) Kilson Likes PIE 00:59, 3 May 09 (UTC)
 * 16) *Addressed. :P  CC7567  (talk) 01:56, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) Soresu
 * 18) *We seem to be italizising the names of IU songs and ballads, and I think this should follow the precedent. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:19, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 17:34, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Hopefully the article isn't too descriptive. Also, the word length is over 250 without the "Lyrics" section.  CC7567  (talk) 20:10, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Cadinth

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 05:47, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: It's the No Country for Old Men of Wook articles.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nothing beyond minor stuff.  CC7567  (talk) 06:01, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 01:31, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 10:11, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Intro and History: "galactic frontier" is somewhat unclear. Please reword or explain.
 * 3) **This is left unclear in the source as well.
 * 4) * Not really an objection, but I would suggest making stubs for Observation Post W-16 and Republic Core Base just so you don't have unecessary redlinks on the page.
 * 5) **Stub created for Observation Post W-16.
 * 6) * Intro: "before the Republic could even respond in kind" is somewhat awkward and unclear; please reword.
 * 7) **Reworded.
 * 8) * History: You mention the "Republic Core Base" once, but later the "Republic Core base". Should the "b" in "base" be capitalized or not?" Please fix whichever one is incorrect.
 * 9) **Typo. Fixed.
 * 10) * History: "Due to the heavy amount of smoke in the area, he collapsed after making contact." This is somewhat unclear. Say that he was "knocked out by the heavy amount of smoke in the area", or smoething along those lines.
 * 11) **Tweaked.
 * 12) * You're somewhat unclear about what happened at the end of the battle. Who won? What happened when the ATATs targeted the tunnels? Did Stiels get killed? If these things are unknown, it needs to be specified as such.
 * 13) **I have already specified this with a footnote, and we generally don't put "Unknown" in any articles ever.
 * 14) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi beacon ) 13:37, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 22:52, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Soresu
 * 17) *Can you try to use a word other than "effortlessly" and instead just state that it was destroyed?
 * 18) **Well...it wasn't. It was just damaged.
 * 19) *No Before, Next, Result, and Casualty sections for the infobox? I'm not exactly much of a fan of the first two, but the others should have something, such as the destruction of the tower.
 * 20) **We don't know anything about the outcome of the battle, so, no.
 * 21) *Try to make sure everything is linked next time. I think I got most of them. Other than that, nice work as always. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 12:20, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 22:49, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Defender (Venator-class)

 * Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 08:00, 3 May 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Apparently Anakin got tired of blowing up droid control ships from the inside, so he decided to stab one with a freaking Star Destroyer.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Per pre-nom review.  CC7567  (talk) 06:07, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:51, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Intro: you mention Tuuk's "lead ship". Please use something less awkward here, like "command ship", or something similar.
 * 3) * Intro and First Assault: you link to the Grand Army of the Republic navy, but never to the actual Republic Navy itself. Please rearrange some of the links so that you connect directly to the Republic Navy.
 * 4) * Second Assault: you say "Skywalker opened a hololink", but in the episode, it doesn't appear to be a holo&mdash;it's a screen like the one used early in TPM. Is there any technical word for what he used? (If not, this isn't a big deal, and don't worry about it.)
 * 5) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi beacon ) 13:17, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **I don't think there is a technical term for what they were using to communicate, so to be honest, I don't really know what to use. I addressed the other two objections though. Kilson Likes PIE 18:57, 2 May 09 (UTC)
 * 7) ***That's ok; I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything else to use there. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:51, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Lucius finds his way in a Star Destroyer... Scary
 * 9) *Good job. Here are just a few things.
 * 10) *Just a minor note: you should probably create a redirect like "The Defender (Venator-class)" and others, if you deem it necessary.
 * 11) **I don't really think it's that necessary, however, if someone else agrees with you, then I'll create one or two.
 * 12) *The Clone Wars needs context in the intro. (I guess it does need it, CC.)
 * 13) *...under command of the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk. Should be "which was under..."
 * 14) *...and put the Neimoidian Captain Mar Tuuk in charge of the fleet. Sounds rather clumsy.
 * 15) *I recommend switching the head quote with the second assault quote. The current second assault quote is better for a header, as it is a good, descriptive quote and briefly tells the ship's history, while the current header would be better for the second assault section.
 * 16) *In between "complete scan of the Defender" and "discovered", there should be a context clue stating that Mar Tuuk and his crew discovered Anakin.
 * 17) **I didn't put it exactly where you want it, but I think it sounds good.
 * 18) *An error in... It should be stated that it is an animation error, or whatever kind of error it is.
 * 19) *Mauser is correct; TCSWE was published before Storm Over Ryloth.
 * 20) **Sorry, I did not know that, I fixed it.
 * 21) *Lucius malfoy7 23:11, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **I addressed your objections, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 21:37, 5 May 09 (UTC)

Comments
 * Wasn't TCSWE published before Storm Over Ryloth first aired?  Mauser  Comlink 12:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Skine sector

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 09:13, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Not quite so funny

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) My objections were the same as CC's, and it was caught in an edit conflict. I'll cast my vote assuming those objections are addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 22:00, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 04:19, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * First sentence: it sounds strange and choppy mentioning where it was without mentioning what it was in the same sentence. Please change if possible.
 * 3) * "carrying aboard a renowned Balved Sculpture also known as the Veil of Skynara": so was it known as a "renowned sculpture" and by its name? Sounds strange; please check.
 * 4) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 21:56, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Should both be fixed. Also known was meant to refer to the fact the sculpture and ship shared the same name. Hopefully fixed. Cheers for the review. --Eyrezer 03:00, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Ah, didn't notice they had the same name.  CC7567  (talk) 04:19, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Onaconda Farr

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  00:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:This nomination is pretty farr off, but I thought I'd give it a go.  &mdash;Lucius malfoy7  Talk ' • ' Reference  00:16, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Farl supports Farr. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:58, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Clone's preliminaries
 * 2) *Check for POV-oriented material such as "unfortunately" and "fortunately", and please remove them.
 * 3) *Finis Valorum requires context. Also, why is this mentioned only in the intro and not the body as well?
 * 4) *The Mission to Rodia needs to be expanded in the intro.
 * 5) *The last sentence of the intro belongs close to the beginning of the intro.
 * 6) *"In response to the Republic's inability or lack of will": whether or not it's known for sure, speculation needs to be removed. Only state what is known.
 * 7) *"In reality, and desperation," neither have any relation; please reword.
 * 8) *Saying that Amidala was "given" to Gunray inaccurately sounds like she's an object.
 * 9) *"Cad Bane and the Battle of Duro" makes it sound like both are related, which they are not.
 * 10) *The Senate hostage crisis is a conjecturally titled article, and should not be mentioned directly by name.
 * 11) *The Senate hostage crisis needs cleanup and expansion overall.
 * 12) **Why did Bane take the senators hostage?
 * 13) **You mention first that he was captured, then was talking about the bill, then was captured.
 * 14) **"Later, Anakin Skywalker was taken hostage, signaling the near end of Bane's mission." Talking too much from an OOU-perspective.
 * 15) **"Anakin Skywalker, however, anticapated Bane later remotely killing the Senators": does not make sense.
 * 16) *The Bts requires organization. It should be mentioned first where he appeared, then who portrayed him, and then any other info.
 * 17) *I've noticed that you've really only touched TCW-related sections; please take a look at the others and see if you can improve them overall.  CC7567  (talk) 01:44, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mordageen

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 06:52, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Alas, there is only one of them, but I'm impressed they were named in a Prima Games guidebook.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:56, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) *First few sentences: think I said the same thing for your Skine sector nom. Starting the second sentence off with "The bipedal humanoids had pink skin" is a bit choppy, and it almost sounds like you're talking about something else entirely.
 * 3) *"the Mordageen was captured by force of the Galactic Republic": sounds strange, please check.
 * 4) *The reduced prison sentence is a bit confusing, because it doesn't state that Fust was going to serve a sentence in the first place.
 * 5) *"Sebolto placed a bounty on the head": bit unclear about who Sebolto wanted revenge on, and whose head he placed the bounty on.
 * 6) *Last two sentences of the "History" both include "each other"; please reword one for variety.
 * 7) * CC7567  (talk) 17:44, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments