Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Todd


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Todd

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:25, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The unlimited POWAH in the flesh. Inspired by such projects as Max and Buick

(3 ACs/5 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) I hope he likes PIE. Kilson Likes PIE 19:20, 22 April 09 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 21:04, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  20:33, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 18:27, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Good job. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:47, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The power of advertising. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 19:16, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Jon got my other objections. :(  Graestan ( Talk ) 21:44, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) You need to expand the intro more. Just mention that he was incontrol of the characters you listed in the bio, and it should be good. Kilson Likes PIE 04:32, 21 April 09 (UTC)
 * 2) *Buffed the intro a little more. Should I make it any longer, it may as well replace the biography. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 19:13, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **That's good enough, nice article. Kilson Likes PIE 19:20, 22 April 09 (UTC)
 * 4) Alright. Show time.
 * 5) * At an unknown time period, an all-out battle occurred between the fugitive Jedi Zayne Carrick, the Arkanian offshoot Jarael, the leader of the Mandalorians Mandalore the Ultimate and Mandalore's lackey, the Lord of Pain Darth Sion. - Perhaps that could be broken down somewhat; bit of a run on.
 * 6) * The Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader, the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, the Snivvian con man Marn Hierogryph and the Gungan Jar Jar Binks were also present there, although Vader and Skywalker were busy dueling each other. - Same problem. I'd recommend stopping off first after the "present there" part, and perhaps starting the next part as a fresh sentence.
 * 7) **Reworded both.
 * 8) * Todd suddenly appeared in the midst of the battle and witnessed a fight between Carrick and Mandalore, commenting that Mandalore was intense. - Just why did he feel he was intense? Please explain. Also, where and why did he appear from, and how did he appear? Did he jump out of a bush? An unknown location would be better, were it specified.
 * 9) **This guy appears in one frame of a one-page comic. I'm afraid there is not much of an explanation of why he is there or where did he appear from. In the first couple of frames he is not present, then he just appears all of sudden. Expanded the Mandalore part though.
 * Ah, wasn't aware of that. Fair enough. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) * Todd's appearance was one of the factors that left Jar Jar confused. - Bit of explanation as to why it did that, please.
 * 2) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 3) * A light-skinned male with brown hair, Todd was dressed in what looked like a traditional brown Jedi robe. However, under the robe he wore a shirt with a picture of an individual of Yoda's species. - Perhaps you could go on to explain what this suggests P and T wise?
 * 4) **See below. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 2 May 2009 (UTC)


 * 1) * Per Kilson; introduction, please.
 * 2) **Intro expanded. See response to Kilson's objection. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:03, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 09:38, 2 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 14:31, 5 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:06, 5 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:10, 4 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 17:17, 4 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:26, 7 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:30, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) * If you're listing his clothing, for instance, in the P and T, then perhaps a small equipment section can be gleaned, per the layout guide?
 * 2) **In response to this objection and the one about his clothing. I figured out that combining all this info into one paragraph was better than having multiple paragraphs containing one sentence each. And btw, a personality is not just what you do, but also what you wear and how you look. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:03, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *Yes, I know. Point taken, however. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:48, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *That's all, for now. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  13:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Attack of the Clone
 * 6) * "However, Vader and Skywalker were busy dueling each other." The use of "however" implies that it had a direct effect on Todd, which it doesn't seem to right now. If it did, please be clearer.
 * 7) **Reworded.
 * 8) * "Carrick asked who Todd was": can this be rephrased to something less colloquial?
 * 9) **Rephrased.
 * 10) * "and claimed that everyone present there were his unwitting pawns": the word "everyone" is singular; please replace it.
 * 11) **Replaced.
 * 12) *"Todd's appearance was one of the factors that left Jar Jar confused, since Todd was not supposed to be there. Just as the others could not be at the same place since they all were from different time periods." A few things for these two sentences:
 * 13) ** I think "factors" can be removed; it's rather awkward phrasing.
 * 14) ** Why exactly was Todd "not supposed" to be there?
 * 15) ** Even though this article is non-canon, the second sentence is Out-of-Universe and makes it rather confusing. If it can be changed, please do so; if it needs to stay the way it is, please merge it with the first sentence.
 * 16) ***The sentences are merged/reworded.
 * 17) * "indicating that he was possibly a very powerful being": I know that this claim was more of an implication than a statement, but "possibly" sounds too speculative.
 * 18) **Reworded a bit. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 21:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Looks fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 03:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) From the Council Chambers:
 * 21) * How do we know that Todd's comment, "He's intense." refers to Mandalore? Looking at the ad myself, no explicit indication is given. The speech bubble is closer to Carrick than Mandalore, and the last being to speak is Sion, so he could be referring to anyone. Unless you have another source identifying who he is referring to, I feel the subject of his comment needs to be removed as speculation.
 * 22) **Fine, removed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * "Todd's sudden appearance was one of the causes of Binks's confusion,&hellip;": Binks is confused?!? That's breaking news (at least in this article). Can his confusion be mentioned before the discussion of the causes of it? It would flow a little better that way, even if it's still all in one sentence. (e.g. "Binks had become confused, and one cause of that was&hellip;")
 * 24) **Addressed, I guess. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *Otherwise, good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 22:57, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) You should probably rectify the "unknown time period" as we don't state what is not known on the site. Instead just work around it. Let me know and I'll read, fix, and vote for this thing when that's done.  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:04, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *Addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * Some of the context for the article does not come from the single source, which means you'll need to add more sources, and thus source the article.
 * 3) **I've sourced the article, but I'm against adding these refs to the sources. They do not mention Todd in any way and, as such, do not belong to his article, despite providing some background information on the events surrounding his appearance. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *** In the infobox, please use the template.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ****Oops, my bad. Fixed now. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * The last part of the P&t "indicating that he might have been" is speculation, and should be removed.
 * 2) **I don't think so. He claimed to have the power to control them, and this would make him a powerful being. However, we do not know if he really had this power. As I see it, speculation would be to state that he was powerful. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***No, that's still speculative. As you say, whether or not he has such power is unknown, so to say "indicating that he might have been" is speculating that he might have been: there is nothing to say that he was or wasn't, so nothing can be said on the matter without becoming speculative. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 17:03, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) ****Fine, removed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 02:33, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) You repeatedly refer to Luke as Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, however it would appear he just found out Vader's his father.. and Vader is still alive. He didn't become a Jedi Master until after Vader's death, and even though this is some crazy alternate reality, it's never stated that Luke is a Jedi Master. So I'd get rid of that.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:27, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *I changed it to a bit more vague Jedi Knight. I hope that's better. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Works for me.
 * 2) Toprawa:
 * 3) * I've removed your "third-party" reference notes for a number of reasons, primarily because most of them are just unnecessary (i.e., you don't need to reference to external sources that Jar Jar Binks is a Gungan or Luke Skywalker is a Jedi) and most were placed incorrectly. Please go back and provide more precise (more precise than the general "KOTOR comics" reference that was in there) references for "the leader of the Mandalorians," "Arkanian offshoot," "fugitive Jedi," and "con man," and please place your reference notes accurately. The way they were placed previously did not correctly reference Todd's involvement in the battle to this advertisement. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:25, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***Much better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * The 264 balancing on the edge words at the time of the nomination. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:25, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * After the copyedit I just did, the article is 298 according to Microsoft Word.  CC7567  (talk) 03:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 333 words now. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:50, 24 May 2009 (UTC)