Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/IN-GA 44

IN-GA 44

 * Nominated by: Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 01:27, April 30, 2012 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Part of the Barnburner 4 <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 01:27, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

Return of the Jedi

 * Intro can definitely be expanded.
 * expanded.
 * It's not completely sourced.
 * went through and sourced all paragraphs and infoboxes.
 * Still some stuff not sourced.&mdash; Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 18:48, May 4, 2012 (UTC)
 * Not sure what am I missing? <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 19:17, May 4, 2012 (UTC)
 * The first paragraph of the bio wasn't sourced when I first saw it. It looks good now, but the refs in the intro will have to go.&mdash; Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 03:51, May 5, 2012 (UTC)
 * Ok fixed, couldn't remember if we were supposed to link in intro. <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 19:49, May 6, 2012 (UTC)
 * OK. Good job. I'll try to finish my review soon.&mdash; Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:34, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
 * I'll look more at it later.&mdash; Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:31, April 30, 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 17:11, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

Exiled Jedi

 * Please restate the information about who IN-GA 44 was at the start of the biography section.
 * done.
 * "...returning to Coruscant" You never state that she was on Coruscant. If she was on Coruscant before please add that information.
 * reworded.
 * Did she go with Cross?-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  01:52, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * fixed.<- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 02:28, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please identify the VIPs.
 * reworded.
 * Could you provide some context on who these people are?-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  01:52, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * added in more information of the people.<- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 02:28, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please fully source the infobox.
 * all sourced<- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 17:19, April 30, 2012 (UTC)
 * You should also add more context to various parts of the article. Some of the locations, people, and organizations could used to be described briefly.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  01:41, April 30, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please give context on the following items in the body of the article: Alessi Quon and Imperial Research Station 61.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  23:54, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
 * added.
 * Remember to include all information from the infobox in the body of the article.
 * added more information to Characteristics section. <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 02:28, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * You still do not mention her red eyes when she has the virus in the body of the article.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  23:54, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
 * Added.
 * Is there any information on her from Blaster?
 * no idea, I don't have any access to that source. <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 02:28, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * Hmmm, you should probably check, but I don't know who has the magazine, sorry.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  23:54, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
 * I will look it over again after you take care of these.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  01:52, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
 * Please mention the 3 BBY date in the body of the article.
 * added.
 * Solo and Chewbacca currentlyappear out of nowhere, could you explain why they were there and provide some context.
 * Added some context and reworded some things.
 * If he doesn't want the virus to fall into Imperial hands, is he still working for the Empire. Please explain this.
 * added explanation.
 * Also, could you put some more quotes in the article?
 * Added several quotes, including a QOTD.
 * Perhaps more later.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  23:54, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks! <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 18:08, May 17, 2012 (UTC)

Savaged&hellip;

 * "She was a Massad Thrumble design..." Here, it's unclear that "Massad Thrumble" is a person. Can you rephrase? Like, "She was designed by the droidmaker Massad Thrumble" or something?
 * reworded.
 * I think you should spell out that HRD means "human replica droid" upon first mention in both the lead and the body.
 * done.
 * Context on Jahan Cross in the intro and body.
 * done.
 * Would it be possible to condense the first sentence of "Bio" down to the next section? It's better to not have one-sentence sections whenever possible.
 * It's short, but it is two sentences.
 * Context on Milosh Muhrlein and Imperial Research Station 61.
 * added.
 * The second-to-last sentence of "MIssion to Wayland" is confusing. She goes to Coruscant to Cross, but suddenly she's separated from him and in some office? Can you rewrite that bit?
 * reworded.
 * In general, I'm not sure why you need section breaks in "Biography" at all. None of them is longer than a paragraph anyway. I'd just have a three-paragraph "Biography section" and ditch the breaks.
 * personal preference, I like having it broken up by sections, makes it easier to read (and edit) IMO.
 * I'm leaving this one unstruck, since I still find the section breaks superfluous. Sections of one paragraph are unnecessary in my opinion. However, I will still support once everything else is taken care of, since I acknowledge that this is a minor point. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 21:47, May 14, 2012 (UTC)
 * The list of people she gives comments on at the party is a bit difficult to parse. Are the semicolons in the right places? They should go between each person + description. So, "Han Solo, a Corellian smuggler; Chewbacca, a Wookiee mechanic; R2-D2, an astromech droid; Wicket W. Warrick, an Ewok warrior..." Does that make sense?
 * yeah that was my bad, been a long time since I took grammar and punctuation :)
 * In general, I think you use "she" and "her" too much for the droid. Try replacing some of the pronouns with her name or nickname to add variety.
 * Tried to vary it more.
 * In the Etti IV part, make sure you're telling the story from the droid's point of view. For instance, add a sentence that IN-GA found a connection between Nar and the Starks before Cross contacts her, since she would have known about that connection first, not him.
 * Reworded.
 * Context on the Eclipse.
 * added.
 * Conext on Iron Eciplse virus.
 * added.
 * Who reprogrammed her with the virus? Can you reword active voice to include this information?
 * added.
 * "was ordered to kill them." Can you reword active voice to say who ordered her to kill them?
 * added.
 * You say she opened fire but was unable to kill Cross. Can you elaborate a bit? Did her shots go wide? Did the guns fail?
 * added.
 * Can you elaborate on why she was unable to kill Stark when Cross ordered her to? Was this also something to do with the matrix?
 * added.
 * "by knocking out the repulsorlift generators..." What repulsorlift generators?
 * added.
 * "flew down to the generators..." Did she literally fly? Or just descend?
 * literally flew.
 * Whoah, where'd the Falcon come from? Can you mention it earlier? It kind of appears out of nowhere.
 * added more context.
 * Can you add a few words about how the Eclipse fell into Reltooine's atmosphere? Was the station orbiting Reltooine?
 * added.
 * In "Characteristics," you should go into much more detail about the droid's physical characteristics. Discuss her body shape (humanoid and female), her plating color (silver), her photoreceptor colors, her facial features, number of fingers on each hand, etc.
 * expanded section with more details.
 * I think you can do more. She is not just humanoid, she is a female humanoid (i.e., she has breasts). You don't' have to mention boobs directly if you don't want to, but you should mention that she has the shape of a female humanoid. Also notable for the description are her antenna-like ear-things, and her largely featureless face. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 21:47, May 14, 2012 (UTC)
 * In the infobox, you say she was created by Alessi Quon, but this person is not mentioned in the article itself.
 * From the Mission to Wayland section: "where she was being evaluated by her creator, Alessi Quon."
 * OK. Maybe add a few words of context for Quon upon first mention then, as in occupation and possibly species if you think it's relevant. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 21:47, May 14, 2012 (UTC)
 * Her droid degree should be mentioned in "characteristics," with a bit of context about what it means.
 * added.
 * Although you use the word "she" and "her" to describe the droid in the body, you should probably explicitly say that she had female programming under "characteristics."
 * added.
 * I'd say her plating is silver and purple before gray and purple, maybe?
 * fixed.
 * Were her blasters in her wrists (infobox) or in her forearms (Characteristics)?
 * fixed.
 * Can you add publication dates for the story arch she appears in? Publisher too? In other words, mention Dark Horse Comics and give range for when the stories were published, like June to September, 2012, or whatever.
 * added.
 * Can you upgrade Reference 3 with Template:Cite web? That's it for now! Good work so far. I'll take another look once these are addressed. :) ~ Savage BOB sig.png 14:13, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
 * removed that ref altogether, since it's stated in issue 2 that she's an HRD. Thanks for the review! <- Omicron (Leave a message at the BEEP! ) 16:16, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
 * Cool. As soon as the "inuse" tag is removed, I'll check it over again. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 13:51, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
 * OK, struck stuff. Be sure to reply to comments like the one above; I didn't realize you were ready for me to take another look since you never replied! :) ~ Savage BOB sig.png 21:47, May 14, 2012 (UTC)
 * One more thing: Does the comic reveal why she's considered a Human replica droid when she doesn't look Human at all? Does she lack the skin of a HRD or something? ~ Savage BOB sig.png 21:47, May 14, 2012 (UTC)