Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Shasa


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Shasa

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Started off as a baddie, but then was redeemed by Revan. Still falls under "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR", making in Part 5. Also first alien and female character nom. Killing two birds with one stone&hellip;

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yay! Selkath Force adept charismatic leader! Now with scism! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:15, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:12, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:10, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Please check that the "embassy" capitalization is correct, though&mdash;and be consistent about it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:16, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:44, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) LtNOWIS 11:09, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Cylka  -talk- 11:03, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy has something to say:
 * 2) * Hist: Shasa and several other youths were tricked into joining Manaan's Sith Embassy after an Iridonian mercenary, who was hired by the Sith, lured the youth in the Sith's Embassy Let me see: The Iridonian merc lured Sasha and other youth into the Embassy. So this did not happen before Sasha and the youth were tricked into the Embassy because it's the same event. Maybe I'm wrong but, could you please reword this?
 * 3) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Hist: Galas first mention is when he wants to leave the Sith. Please, mention him before this point - specifically, mention Galas when talking about Shasa's childhood, and talk about the token that Revan would use as a proof. Chronologically, the history could use an autonomous paragraph about her childhood.
 * 5) **I did expand it to three parargaphs, rather than two. Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Hist: Did Galas join when Sasha did, or before her, or after her? Mention Galas whenever he joins the Sith.
 * 7) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Hist: The Sith told Sasha that she and the Selkath could leave whenever they wanted to, but it was a lie. Galas tried to leave. The Sith killed him and told Sasha he had gone. This is important in her history.
 * 9) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Hist: I remember the game. If Revan canonically entered the Embassy on behalf of Shaelas, then Shaelas actively looked for help for his daughter. This is, I think, important enough to be mentioned: Shaelas was worried about Shasa.
 * 11) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Hist/Legacy: I think some of the articles by Wizards talk about the Selkath having a greater % of Force-sensitive individuals than other species; this should be mentioned when Sasha feels that "Force-sensitive Selkath needed proper training"
 * 13) **I'l look into it. The only thing that come close to what you're saying is in Part 3 of Manaan: Depths of History. It says, "Considering the small population of natives left on the planet, they have discovered a surprising number of candidates, which serves to reinforce the Order's belief that the Selkath have been chosen by the Force for greatness." Should I add this info?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * P&T: However, she sought advice from a Jedi she trusted or from a Force-based tradition with a good reputation, such as the Jal Shey, if darksiders started to advance through her Order's ranks or influenced new members of the Order. Did she? I seem to remember the OS said she could resort to the other traditions if she needed help, as a hook for RPG adventures, but I don't remember a specific precedent of her really resorting to the Jal Shey.
 * 15) **Yes, the KotOR Campaign Guide states this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * P&A: No way. She did not sense the call of her ancestors (the people she descended from), but a power called Call of the Progenitor, named after a local beast that the Selkath believed to be their evolutive forefather &mdash; something that, as far as I know, canon has neither confirmed or refuted. Besides, this power is only Christened after the Progenitor, and it could be unrelated to him in a strict way. Reword, and context for Progenitor.
 * 17) **The information on the article was based off the description for the power in the KotOR campaign guide. The web enchacement for the guide which gives more details on Shasa also says she used "Progenitor's Call".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:58, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Except for that little things, great article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:09, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thanks for the review, Farl.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) From the never-ending Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 22) * "Shasa encountered the amnesiac Jedi Padawan Revan—the former Sith Lord was betrayed by Malak and captured and re-programmed by the Jedi Order to be loyal to the Republic—during his raid of the Sith Embassy." As with before, too much in the em dash clause. The betrayal is irrelevant, and the rest of the wording can be simplified.
 * 23) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) *** Can it be reworded so that it is not in an em dash clause and is a simple, passing glance on Revan. This is the introduction, not the main body.
 * 25) ****Reworded. I omitted the Padawan part, since I don't think his position is really relevant to Shasa's intro.
 * 26) * "After Revan proved to Shasa and her friends that the Sith were corrupting them only to gain Manaan's healing agent&hellip;" Please provide a touch more detail in the intro on this, as it isn't as simple as one quick talk between them.
 * 27) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * "Shasa, Galas, and several other youths joined the Sith&hellip;" The intro says they were brainwashed. If this is correct, it needs to be included here, as well to explain why they joined the Sith.
 * 29) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * "&hellip;they tortured him to the point where he was nearly dead&hellip;" Can this be worded a little less colloquially? It reads a little weirdly in context.
 * 31) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) * Nothing in the legacy that says the order was named for her. Please find a way to include it.
 * 33) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) *** Was it actually after her death that her name was taken on as part of the order's name? (By the way, order is not capitalized by itself. It isn't the Jedi Order.)
 * 35) ****I think this was in the KotOR CG, but I'll double check.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:38, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) *****I double-checked, and the web enhancement actually states that the Order began to be called the "Order of Shasa" after its founding. Changed to reflect this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:47, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) * "Nevertheless, she sought advice from a Jedi she trusted or from a Force-based tradition with a good reputation, such as the Jal Shey, if darksiders started to advance through her order's ranks or influenced new members of the order." This does not quite make sense. It seems like two or three sentences accidentally became spliced together.
 * 38) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) * No link to the Selkath language?
 * 40) **Missed this one. Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * "During her time as a Sith adept, Shasa employed a Mandalorian heavy blaster and a Sith energy shield during combat. She also owned a cybernetic implant called the Bavakar cardio package." What in the game actually says this? I'm a touch confused as to how this was learned.
 * 42) **I can answer this one now, if you play the game and kill her, she has this stuff in her remains. The way I see it, she still has this stuff even if you don't kill her.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:58, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Normally, I would not stand for this, but I think this is acceptable after looking some things up. That said, please present it as that is what she had at the time she talked to Revan. Just because she had it then does not mean she always had it while in the embassy.
 * 44) ****Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:38, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) * "Because Shasa had a natural ability with the Force, she displayed numerous Force powers." Umm&hellip; Relevance? POV? Is skill with the Force always a natural ability? I think you are trying to tie this part of the article together, and I commend that. Still, the wording should be altered so that it fits, is relevant, and does not violate POV and OR rules.
 * 46) **I admit that I probably shouldn't have added the "numerous Force powers," but the natural ability part comes from the web enhancement detailing her character.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * You need GameLSmechanics and Endgame somewhere in the prose.
 * 48) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) *Okay. I've made a good number of changes in the text. Please review them to make sure nothing dramatic was altered. If you have any questions as to why things were changed, please ask. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:53, March 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) **I have no problems with all but one of the changes. The Fira is it's own article, and is not called a fira sword, which is why I had it listed as fira sword . Now it just says fira, if a person wants the exact details, they can click on the link.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:26, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Fair enough. I was caught unawares on the details of that one. By the way, this article is one your better ones, Kasra. Good work so far. Keep it going, and take your time to make sure objections are done well. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:56, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Thanks, Fiolli! Will do.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:38, March 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) Potatoes (or Potatos?):
 * 54) * "Shasa and her friends joined the Sith, and they brainwashed the Selkath youth..." This doesn't read great. Maybe try "they were brainwashed into joining the Sith" or something.
 * 55) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:49, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) * You should mention that she is Force-sensitive early in the body.
 * 57) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:38, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * "who were subject to Manaan's neutrality laws." I feel that this may be a bit confusing for the reader, and could even be removed, or at least rephrased so it's clearer.
 * 59) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:38, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * In the intro you mention that the Order retrained Revan but not in the body.
 * 61) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:38, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) * "If darksiders started to advance in her order's ranks or influence new members, Shasa sought advice from a Jedi she trusted. She sought advice from a Force-based tradition with what she perceived as a good reputation, such as the Jal Shey." This bit just kind of jumps out of nowhere and is confusing. If this is too vague, please let me know and I'll try to clarify.
 * 63) **I think I got what you were saying, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:56, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) * Some of the powers mentioned in P&A seem like they may have articles. Please check.
 * 65) **I couldn't find anything.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:38, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) * If there are two ways to convince her, why did you choose the one you did? I'm not familiar with KOTOR, so bear with me.
 * 67) **This is the way the Raid on the Sith Embassy article presents the events. Also, after Revan is arrested when exiting the embassy, he presents the datapad to the courts, and they let him go.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:53, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:45, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) **Thanks for the review, Chack.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:38, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) More of a question than an objection. BTS mentions two ways that a light-sided Revan can redeem her. Any particular reason that one is favoured over the other in the biography? Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:51, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) *Because that is the way that the Raid on the Sith Embassy article, which is a FA, presents the events. So I thought I should follow this, as well.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:44, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) **Fair enough. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:44, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) Two things: First: Both Shasa's father, Shaelas, and the Galactic Republic ambassador  Roland Wann had asked Revan to infiltrate the Embassy. - I'm not sure that this sentence needs to be in the intro since it seems to be just plunked in there and I don't feel that it gives context to Revan's raid. If giving context was your intention please find a different way of phrasing it. Second: I removed the linking of youth to youngling since the Selkath youth recruited by the mercenary had nothing to do with Jedi younglings. If someone feels that there is a problem with this, please let me know. Otherwise, good work, Kasra. Cylka  -talk- 18:08, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) *I think I've got it, and I removed the mention of Wann, since I now feel he is not essential to the intro. And I don't have an issue with the removal of the youngling link. Thank you for your review, Cylka.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:22, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I checked per your request, CC, and the dialogue files capitalize the "E" in Embassy. The article now reflects this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:56, March 31, 2010 (UTC)