Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Raid on the Armand Isard Correctional Facility


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Raid on the Armand Isard Correctional Facility

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 13:23, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Current WP:LE GAnom number 4. Yes, I have gone mad.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) A bit heavy on the detail, but I believe this should go to FA, so that's fine.  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:41, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:09, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) As usual, good work.  CC7567  (talk) 19:32, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Nothing the others didn't find. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:34, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:27, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 04:37, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) As merciless as 270 at 4 in the afternoon – Round One:
 * 2) * Battles in the infobox need to be sourced. That means the rest of the article does, too, unfortunately.
 * 3) **Did I get this right?
 * 4) * Section titles should only be capitalized for the first word and any proper nouns.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Whose objectives are what should be put in parentheses in the infobox.
 * 7) **Is this what you meant?
 * 8) ***No, after each objective, put whose objective it is in parentheses, since different sides had different objectives. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:42, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Ok, fixed. Sorry about that Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:41, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Statements like "likely" don't belong in the articles. What indeed were the casualties? If you don't know, it's best to just leave it blank.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Conjecturally titled articles shouldn't have the title in the intro like that. Please just describe what happened and bold the word "raid" or whatever you use to describe the event itself.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * The Force Psychosis mentioned briefly in the intro needs context, i.e. at least what the illness's nature was.
 * 15) **Added.
 * 16) * Who the correctional facility belongs to is needed in the intro.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * The nature of Darkmeld is also in question in the intro.
 * 19) **Addressed. (p.s. another very nice header :P) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 16:58, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:34, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) The clone has officially targeted your noms
 * 22) * In the intro, I'm not sure that the Psychosis's effects are really necessary. As long as it's in the body, it's fine; right now it's too long-winded.
 * 23) **Nevermind; I just saw Graestan's request for adding this.  CC7567  (talk) 05:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Similarly in the intro, I don't think the origin of the Armand Isard Correctional Facility's name needs to be mentioned; it doesn't even seem to be in the body.
 * 25) **Removed.
 * 26) * "The Galactic Alliance and Darkmeld&mdash;a covert organization recently formed by fellow Knight Jaina Solo to counter Chief of State Natasi Daala's attempts to undermine the Jedi Order&mdash;both hoped to capture Hellin." Can the context be rephrased so that it's not so winded?
 * 27) **Better, or not enough? I played around with rearranging it, but it made the context awkward.
 * 28) ***I did a little tinkering; you can change it how you see fit.
 * 29) ****Looks good to me. Thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:28, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Why did Valin Horn need to be "caught"?
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * You say that Horn was captured, and yet it's Hellin who escaped...? I think it's a mistake.
 * 33) **Fixed.
 * 34) * "He went down through a hole he burned in the permacrete into a riot raid tunnel outside the prison." Can it be mentioned that Hellin burned the hole before he went down into it? Right now, it's rather confusing.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) *** He had burned the hole previously before he arrived, or did he burn it after he "put his plan into motion"? If it's the first one, please insert "already" somewhere to make it clearer.
 * 37) ****Reordered. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 19:28, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * What do you mean by "prison side"?
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) * "When Fel and Veila were far enough away that the blast probably would not kill them": can it be rephrased? I understand that it's what Fel and Veila believed (and not speculation), but "probably" can be reworded to something that better matches the situation, such as "When Fel and Veila were far enough away and believed that..."
 * 41) **Actually, it's what Hellin believed. Reworded.
 * 42) * "to bring in the rest of Darkmeld" can be changed to something less colloquial.
 * 43) **Better?
 * 44) * The word "ditch" also needs to be changed to something less colloquial.
 * 45) **Addressed.
 * 46) * "They met up with Solo, who had had to check in with Hantaq, but was free of the supervisor once more." First off, I removed the conjunction; second, saying "had" twice is grammatically correct but rather confusing.
 * 47) **Better?
 * 48) * "the raid was all over the news": needs to be reworded to be less colloquial.
 * 49) **Is this better?
 * 50) * CC7567  (talk) 05:33, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) **Thanks for all the reviews! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 18:39, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ***You are welcome, young Jedi.  CC7567  (talk) 18:56, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) Grunny's raid on the GAN:
 * 54) * Prelude: Force Psychosis is a conjectural title so shouldn't be used as the name of the disease in the Prelude section.
 * 55) **Addressed.
 * 56) * Prelude: "despite the fact that Mirax would have to keep the group's existence hidden from her husband, Corran Horn." Why did they have to keep it from Corran?
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) * The raid - First confrontation: "The tunnel had two points of access: a law enforcement station and the prison, and the side that was connected to the prison could not be opened." The two "and"s make this read awkwardly, this sentence could be worded more clearly.
 * 59) **Better?
 * 60) * The raid - Capture: "The net, however, was too large, and wrapped about Hellin and immobilized him, sending paralyzing electrical surges through his body every few seconds." Once again the two "and"s in quick succession is awkward.
 * 61) **Addressed.
 * 62) *Good work, Jon.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 10:41, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **Thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 12:49, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 65) * In the intro, explain why the Jedi wanted to capture Hellin.
 * 66) **Done.
 * 67) * Why would the Galactic Alliance want to remove Valin from the Temple?
 * 68) **Addressed.
 * 69) * Why would Seff be compelled to free Horn?
 * 70) **Addressed.
 * 71) * "Meanwhile, as a last-minute addition, Jaina and Imperial Remnant Head of State Jagged Fel decided to add Mirax Terrik Horn, Valin's mother, to their group of conspirators for her contacts, skills, and funds, despite the fact that Mirax would have to keep the group's existence hidden from her husband, Corran Horn, because the Jedi Masters were not supposed to know of the organization so that, if they were ever questioned by the Galactic Alliance, they could answer truthfully that they knew nothing about Darkmeld." Very long sentence. Break it up and make it flow better.
 * 72) **Addressed.
 * 73) * Are the codenames of the Darkmeld members really necessary?
 * 74) **Removed.
 * 75) * Give more info on the supervisors, as you mention Hantaq in the article with no context.
 * 76) **Done.
 * 77) *Good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 19:26, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) **Thank you. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 20:37, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments