Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Samoc Farr


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) My only concern was resolved via IRC. Your next task: FA Toryn Farr ;)  Greyman ( Talk ) 05:18, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) See? Hoth.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:28, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) No objections, but in the future, Toprawa, please spell out numbers less than one hundred in article writing.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:29, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:07, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:16, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:11, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 2) * "Although badly wounded, she survived and was later evacuated from Hoth along with her older sister, Toryn Farr, Echo Base's chief controller, aboard the GR-75 medium transport Bright Hope." – Stumbles a bit.
 * 3) **Reordered to clean up clause Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * "escape transport &hellip; escape run" – A bit redundant.
 * 5) **Removed second "escape" and further reworded sentence Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Farr flew with the elite Rogue Group under the command of Luke Skywalker during the critical Battle of Hoth against the Galactic Empire's invasion force of assault walkers, attached to Darth Vader's personal fleet of Imperial-class Star Destroyers, Death Squadron." – Rather ponderous.
 * 7) **Removed part of that clause. Trying to give meaning to her involvement in the battle to say she indirectly fought against Darth Vader. The rest of the clause could just as easily go. Please let me know. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***It's fine. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:16, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "valuable personnel and equipment" – Move "personnel" so as not to imply that the evacuation was selective.
 * 10) **Removed "valuable" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * In "Battle of Hoth," it's "Toryn &hellip; her sister &hellip; Toryn &hellip; her sister." Change it up a bit.
 * 12) **Reworded several Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * "After Toryn retrieved and covered her sister with a brown bantha-wool blanket" – Clarify what is being retrieved.
 * 14) **Reordered sentence for clarification Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Farr's creation was meant to complement the backstory of the character Toryn Farr, Samoc's sister, also created by Bell, which provided an identification for the previously anonymous Echo Base chief controller first seen in the film Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back." – Could stand to be broken up.
 * 16) **Broken up. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * Graestan ( Talk ) 14:27, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thanks for the review. I value your criticism and am glad to make changes to my nominated article. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:14, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *** ;) Graestan ( Talk ) 03:16, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) "Eventually, Toryn was able to convince the hunters to rescue the remaining passengers still aboard the Bright Hope, including Samoc, after the duo realized their guise of a rescue attempt had ended in utter failure." Their change of heart seems a little sudden. Is it possible to rephrase to make it a little clearer why they suddenly decide to help? Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:06, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 22:12, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * No image available. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 20 March 2008 (UTC)