Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;not be tagged due to an excessive number of redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Zelka Forn

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Doctor? Doctor Who?

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 03:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Seems mostly fine now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:08, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:33, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:30, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:24, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "After the destruction of the Galactic Republic, the main galactic government of the time, warship Endar Spire, individuals brought in several Republic soldiers who had been seriously wounded in the battle." Huh? Either something's missing or there's extraneous words here, because this doesn't make sense.
 * 3) * "Rakghoul this, rakghoul that": Rakghoul is inconsistently capitalized. Most notably, the term "[R]akghoul serum" is used at least once each way. I seem to possibly remember that Rakghoul should be capitalized, but I'm not sure if that is true or if my crazy brain is making stuff up. Which is correct?
 * 4) *I did a copyedit for you. Remember that the Ref template is only used in the infobox&mdash;you had it in the body, too, which I fixed. Otherwise, it's well-written and easily understandable for someone totally unfamiliar with that era. Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:47, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  19:34, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * Benevolent is POV. Please remove.
 * 8) * Linking. Make sure everything is linked once in the intro and the body.
 * 9) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 10) * Try not to use "grieved" twice.
 * 11) * After the destruction of the warship Endar Spire. Why and by whom was the Spire destroyed? Also, you haven't established where this event happened.
 * 12) * Despite the Sith government, the government that followed the Sith ideology, having an occupation of Taris, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers. He put a few of the soldiers in kolto tanks, healing medical tanks, in a back room of his facility. this doesn't flow very well. May I suggest something like Despite the fact that Taris was occupied by the Sith, which could have seen him arrested and possibly shot, Forn agreed to heal the soldiers, putting them in kolto tanks in a back room of his facility.
 * 13) * In the intro, you say that Revan killed a patrol to obtain the serum, but in the body, you say he found a corpse. Which is correct?
 * 14) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 15) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 16) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 17) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:59, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Fixed, although no, Revan looked in the back room. I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:47, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Soresu's second look
 * 20) * There are some previous objections you haven't taken care of. In future, put a message after each objection, to alert the objector to the fact that they are all done, and so that if there are any issues, they can continue the discussion. In this case, to keep it organised, I'll strike all the old ones and reiterate any that are still not addressed.
 * 21) * You begin too many sentences with Forn. Try using "he" instead.
 * 22) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) * How did Revan discover the soldiers if they were in a back room? IIRC, he convinced Forn to show him the soldiers. you should probably add that some of them had already died.
 * 24) **I don't recall any sort of way for Zelka to agree to show him.
 * 25) ***I'm pretty sure that you can persuade Forn into believing that you are a friend of the Republic. He then opens the door. The other way is to bash through the door of course. Instead of just saying he discovered them, you need to elaborate on how. One of these outcomes will have to be expanded upon in the body, while the other will have to go to the bts.
 * 26) ****Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * After Revan discovers the soldiers, he and Forn have a short converstion, the details of which should be added into the article.
 * 28) * Bts expansion. You need to add info about his appearance in KotOR as an NPC, his entry in the CSWE, whether it is possible to finish the game without doing the quest, and how he reacts if you give the serum to someone else.
 * 29) **You haven't added anything about the CSWE entry or his reaction of you give the serum to someone else.
 * 30) ***Okay. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * Is it actually essential to the plot that you meet Zelka? Can you actually finish the game without going into the medical facility? If so, then it would be unconfirmed as to whether Revan met him, and an extra bts note would be required.
 * 32) **That was added in before hand; oddly, however, the article includes content however isn't showing anything beneath the first paragraph of the BtS. I'll talk to staff about that. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * The bts is too trivia-ish at the moment.
 * 34) ** I didn't mean for you to delete that info, I was merely saying that it looked a bunch of facts in a list. The info should be restored and integrated into larger, more orgainsed paragraphs.
 * 35) ***Not deleted. Same problem. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * This page currently is not categorised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:02, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **It is categorized, but the categories are in the section not showing. By the time you're reading this, they should be fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:37, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) *Hm. Odd. Seems fine now. Alright, done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  16:38, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) **I'll vote as soon as an AC review comes in. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:12, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 41) * Last names after first mention, please.
 * 42) **What do you mean? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***The first time you mention an individual, use their full name. From that point onwards, use their last name only. Using first names is seen as too informal for our encyclopedia. --Eyrezer 04:13, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Alright, solely referred to as "Forn" throughout. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  10:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * I'm pretty sure things like "the South" when referring to the Upper City can be dismissed as game mechanics.
 * 46) **Addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) * "amnesiac Jedi Knight" doesn't quite cut it when referring to Revan. At the time, he was pretty much nothing in terms of being a Force user; I'd almost prefer that his Force sensitivity is left completely out.
 * 48) **Mhm. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) * "presumably killed" is speculation. Only say what is known.
 * 50) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * Taris has a "main city?" I thought Taris was a city.
 * 52) **Sorted. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * Again, something like "no known family members" is out-of-universe and speculation.
 * 54) **Removed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Linking needs to be more thorough.
 * 56) **Hm. Could you point out generally where, please? -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) * Rakghoul disease needs context in the bio.
 * 58) **Done. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) * Second paragraph of the bio needs to be broken up; it's a mishmash of not-yet-converged storylines.
 * 60) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * How Shan was on Taris should be provided.
 * 62) **Provided. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "Which option Revan took was unknown, as neither results in a change of alignment. The nature of the conversation afterwards, unless Revan threatened Zelka, was such that it did not change the plot nor the character's alignment, therefore it's undetermined if Revan ever discovered the soldiers." – This is all pretty unnecessary. You can sum it up by stating that later sources which canonized the light-side path don't mention Forn or the medical facility.
 * 64) **Yep. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * What exactly is meant by "one thousand and fifteen hundred credits?"
 * 66) **Whoops, addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  17:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 67) * Graestan ( Talk ) 17:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 69) * City of Taris? Do you mean the planet?
 * 70) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * Sith government? Was it really a government? Better wording could be used here.
 * 72) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * Give more information on the rakghoul disease in the bio.
 * 74) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * Give more info on Revan and the circumstances of his amnesia.
 * 76) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) * Quote for the P&T?
 * 78) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  10:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Attack of the Clone
 * 81) * "In his standing and position as a doctor": redundant; choose one or the other.
 * 82) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) * "Forn would not refuse help to anyone, regardless of their homeworld, species, political affiliation, personality, or even if he hated them on a personal level": the last one stands out with the lack of a noun; please reword.
 * 84) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "medically help or assist": I reworded it to this, but "help" and "assist" are redundant, and "medically" also makes the wording awkward.
 * 86) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "and individuals brought in several Republic soldiers": unclear; what were the individuals' affiliation?
 * 88) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * "even with the possibility of being arrested or even shot": unclear as to who he would be punished by, and the wording is a bit awkward as well.
 * 90) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * Awkward wording that Forn was upset about the plague; try to word to something clearer.
 * 92) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) * "Revan arrived at Forn's facility and convinced him to show them the Republic soldiers, by declaring their loyalty to the Republic." Revan convinced Forn to show who the soldiers?
 * 94) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * What information did Revan agree not to disclose?
 * 96) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * "Although Forn was originally fearful that Revan would betray him, Revan proved him wrong." Sounds strange never mentioning this before; try to move it up. If it happens here, please make it clearer.
 * 98) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Why was Revan's alliance with the Republic a problem for Forn and/or his decision?
 * 100) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) ***Please check this again. Do you meant, "Allied with the Sith as he was, Revan was in favor of Forn’s choice."? Forn's choice was in favor of the Republic, and this wording makes it sound like Revan was allied with the Sith. Please clear this up.  CC7567  (talk) 07:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 102) * "Revan refused, however, believing Forn needed them more than he and his companions did." Please replace "them" with something more specific.
 * 103) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) * "even if they were an off-worlder, alien, or even if he hated them": same issue with the different elements not matching; please try to reword.
 * 105) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) * "Forn considered Revan's spirit very noble": builds too much off of each other using "spirit".
 * 107) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) * "for its work on making a Rakghoul serum before it was taken by the Sith": awkward wording.
 * 109) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) * "the light side choices are those chosen canonically": do you mean that "the light side choices are canonical"?
 * 111) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) * "Although canon dictates that the most light side choices would have to be taken": bit unclear; please check and/or clarify.
 * 113) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * Are dark side points bad? It sounds like it from the use of "however"; please check.
 * 115) **Fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:29, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * CC7567  (talk) 18:42, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) A little expansion on how Revan got Forn to show him the Republic soldiers would be appreciated. Wasn't there several dialogue options, or the option to bypass the door locks? -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 14:45, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) *Addressed in IRC. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:24, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * For obvious reasons, I'll withhold my vote until some feedback comes. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:54, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * You're not meant to vote for your own noms. We got rid of that in the GA system revamp. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:28, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1) Only one unaddressed objection remaining, yes, but one that's been sitting here for over three weeks. This isn't getting a lot of activity, and unless there's something done soon, it needs to go.  CC7567  (talk) 02:35, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *My bad; miscounted the weeks. It's only been two, but I still think it needs to be addressed soon.  CC7567  (talk) 02:48, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Noticing Floyd's unaddressed objection, I'm going to have to reinstate my vote. With so many current GANs, the tolerance for inactivity is becoming lower.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *I apologize; I've only just noticed Floyd's outstanding objection. Unfortunately, I won't be able to address it until Sunday afternoon, as I won't even be on site until then. If you feel the need to remove the nom then I'm dissapointed but I understand. If you could, however, give me a little more time, seeing as I didn't realize, I'd appreciate it. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  06:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Malevolence

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 01:26, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it is done :)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Duel on Mustafar

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  Talk 15:43, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sources added and fixed up few spelling errors.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) All sources are added, great job cleaning up. — Excelsior,   The Flash  - ( Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay! ) 15:48, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 21:00, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Objections and comments

 * Please leave further objections and comments here

Zak

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 07:21, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No work to do, and a quiet good article. My first nom.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:45, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) After a final bunch of small fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 20:59, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First off, the intro should not be sourced, while the rest of the body should.
 * 3) **I believe that this one still remains. Please read this page for more information on how and what to source. Let me know if you want help with this one :).
 * 4) *** Yes i need some help with this. --Clone Commander Lee 17:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * Intro: You have no context for Rugosa, or why Yoda had to be transported there.
 * 6) ** Now the Toydarians have no context, and it is unclear why Zak would take Yoda to Rugosa, a neutral moon, to meet with the Toydarians.
 * 7) ***"During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 8) * Biography: It's unclear in the bio why Katuunko wanted a Jedi to be sent.
 * 9) * Biography: context is missing for Asajj Ventress.
 * 10) ** This one still remains. For context, simply add what the subject is. For example: "Supreme Chancellor" is context for "Palpatine". In this case, Asajj Ventress was a Dark Acolyte, so when introducing her into the intro and bio for the first time, you could put (in the case of the intro) "...ordered there by Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress..."
 * 11) * Biography: "in order to save General Yoda from the superior frigates". What about the frigates was so superior? It is unclear here why the frigates are so dangerous to Yoda, and what made them superior (i.e., their firepower? size? etc.)
 * 12) * Biography: Why did Yoda order him to launch all the pods? How would that fix the problem?
 * 13) * The Personality and traits section could be beefed up a bit. I'd suggest adding why Zak was afraid of getting Yoda killed, or being more specific on why he cared so much. Right now it's a little flat.
 * 14) ** In trying to add why, you have merely made speculations. Make sure you can back everything up with facts. He was most likely not just loyal to the Republic, but also his Jedi commanders, and was concerned for Yoda's life. The last sentence of the P&t is now grammatically incorrect as well, leaving the meaning rather unclear. I'll take another look once you fix these :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 14:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***I've gone ahead and cleaned this up a bit myself. In the future, make sure that you don't have any speculative information; also remember to check your grammar for errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 12:11, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ** I#ve finished with these edits. --Clone Commander Lee 18:36, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Mauser:
 * 19) * Republic frigate: first, you link to it twice in the intro; second, one of the links leads to redirect instead of the actual Consular-class cruiser (Charger c70 retrofit). Remove one of them.
 * 20) * P&T requires expansion.
 * 21) **No more datas given. --Clone Commander Lee 07:55, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You can said about how he operated under attack, about how he have reports to his Jedi General - lots of things to talk about.
 * 23) ****Better now, try to expand it a little more to make it interesting to read.
 * 24) * When you talk about Katuunko talking to Palpatine etc., you should add a reference to The Clone Wars: Prelude, as it isn't shown in the Ambush itself.
 * 25) * Source for the "First year of the war"?
 * 26) * Isn't Zak a Clone naval officer according to The Clone Wars Campaign Guide?
 * 27) * "Jedi Grand Master Yoda, Zak and two Coruscant Guard troopers were sent to the planet on a Republic frigate along with clone trooper pilots and commander CC-4477, with Zak in command of the ship." - a bulky sentence, needs to be rewritten.
 * 28) * Asajj Ventress, who asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves. - it was said by Dooku, not Ventress.
 * 29) *Also made small fixes along the way.  Mauser  Comlink 07:29, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ** Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 08:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 08:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Also, since Zak is a redirect page, I suggest you move your page to that name and then add Template:youmay to both your page and Zak Arranda.  Mauser  Comlink 08:47, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) The Grand Master, part two
 * 35) * First, please see my standing objection above: "During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 36) * Intro: "during the Clone Wars. During the war&hellip;" This is slightly redundant when read as such. Could it be reworded, so that you don't say "during the" quite so close together?
 * 37) ** Done.
 * 38) * Intro: it is unclear why Ventress ordered the frigates to intercept Yoda.
 * 39) ** Done.
 * 40) ***I believe this one still remains.
 * 41) * Intro: If Zak is a captain, (as you imply at the end of the intro) then his rank should be mentioned and linked earlier in the intro.
 * 42) ** Zak is according to the visual guide a naval officer. --Clone Commander Lee 18:27, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *** Which is all fine and good, but you call him "Captain Zak" at the end of the intro, implying that he was also a captain. If this is incorrect, then please remove the "captain". If he was also a captain, then that needs to be stated earlier in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:35, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **** Done.
 * 45) *****This one still remains, please check again.
 * 46) ******Finally fixed.
 * 47) * Biography: You say that Katuunko ruled the Toydaria system, but I'm pretty sure he ruled the planet of Toydaria. Please check this.
 * 48) * Biography: "was sent with Zak in command of the ship." What ship? You haven't mentioned any ship thus far.
 * 49) * Biography: "Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." This is grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 50) * Biography: The above sentence doesn't seem to make sense with the rest of the article. I've seen the episode, so I understand what you're trying to say, but you need to work it into the article better in order to show its significance.
 * 51) **The new wording fixes that problem for the most part, but there are still grammar/spelling issues.
 * 52) *** Done.
 * 53) ****This one also still remains. Watch out for tense, especially.
 * 54) ***** Finally fixed.
 * 55) * Biography: "Zak wanted to retreat immediately in order to save General Yoda from the larger and more heavily-armed frigates." You should probably mention first that the frigates were better, and then say that Zak wished to retreat in order to protect Yoda's life.
 * 56) **There are some BIG grammar issues here, now. Please re-check, and, if needed, use microsoft word.
 * 57) *** Done.
 * 58) ****This also remains. I'd suggest using Microsoft Word to help wih grammar issues.
 * 59) ***** Cause i'm not a native english speaker i don't have such a word programm. --Clone Commander Lee 16:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ****** Finnaly fixed.
 * 61) * Personality and traits: "He also was calm during the attack and managed to bring the ship to safety and spoke very respectful with Yoda." This is a run-on, and is also grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 62) * Personality and traits: "He also personnally overtook the communication with the Toydarian Royal Delegation and was worried when he received no answer." This sentence doewsn't really make sense. First off, it could be worded more clearly, and second off, I don't see what this has to do with Zak's personality. It sounds more like something that he did during his life, in which case it should be placed in the Biography.
 * 63) **You moved this up to the bio, which is good, but now there are some huge grammar problems with this, too. Please re-check.
 * 64) *** Adressed.
 * 65) * Personality and traits: You use "He also" two sentences in a row. I would change at least one of them, so as to avoid repetition.
 * 66) * Behind the scenes: You need to ref the fact that he was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker.
 * 67) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:01, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) ** Adressed. --Clone Commander Lee 17:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Several of my objections still remain. Please see those which I have not yet stricken. Also, your The Clone Wars: Visual Guide reference was done incorrectly. As I have already stated, you are not supposed to ref the intro. I fixed this for you, but I think it would be beneficial for you to visit this page so you can learn how to correctly source articles. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Some still remain. I'd suggest going through the article and carefully checking for grammar-related issues. Once those are removed, it'll be easier for me to more effectively review the article. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:58, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ***** Should now be fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 19:20, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ******I'm still seeing unfixed objections; please fix those which I have not stricken. Also, please look over the whole article for grammar issues; I suggest using Microsoft Word if you need help with this. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) A few more from Mauser:
 * 74) * "Upon arriving on Rugosa, Katuunko was approched by the Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress and a hologram of Count Dooku. Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." - I fail to see how exactly is that relevant to Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 03:12, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ** It was now rewritten
 * 76) ***You probably misunderstood me, I did not ask to rewrite this, I asked to remove this, because it does not reflest on the character of Zak in any way.  Mauser  Comlink 15:20, 19 June 2009 (UTC)´
 * 77) ****It tells the background and why Zak and his ship were ambushed.
 * 78) *****You have an explanation already ("sent by Asajj Ventress, to prove to Katuunko"). The whole third paragraph of the bio ("Upon arriving on the coral moon, Katuunko") has absolutely nothing to do with Zak. 19:06, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ******Well it explains the mission background. What would you suggest? --Clone Commander Lee 19:27, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *******Remove it. The mission background is established and expanded in the previous paragraph. This one tell about what happened to Katuunko, and has nothing to do with Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 20:10, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ********Removed
 * 82) *********Be careful with what you remove, context on Ventress was gone. I returned it and will give another look later.  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) **********Thanks. --Clone Commander Lee 18:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * You must also add the episode guide and Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Visual Guide as a sources and check them for any missing info.  Mauser  Comlink 10:02, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 10:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) ***Not yet. I am unsure about the Visual Guide, but the episode guide definitely mentions Zak in some way and should be used as a source.  Mauser  Comlink 15:20, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) **** Should now be fixed.
 * 88) One last look from the Grand Master
 * 89) * At the beginning of the bio you say that Zak was raised to be a part of the Grand Army, but if he was a naval officer, I think it would be more correct to say he was raised for the Republic Navy. With this change, however, that sentence would have to be rephrased, since not all of the clones were trained for the Navy.
 * 90) ** Adressed.
 * 91) ***Please incorporate this into the first sentence. As the Navy was not the GAR (it operated alngside the army, it was not a part of the actual army) you cannot say that he was trained in the GAR. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:07, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) ****Adressed.
 * 93) *****As I stated earlier, you'll need to reword the sentence now, because not all clone troopers were trained for the Navy, which is what you currently say. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:23, 20 June 2009 (UTC)'
 * 94) ****** Fixed.
 * 95) * You should probably add some mention of the Confederacy listing post Skytop station, which intercepted the messages between Palps and Katuunko. Also, did Ventress actually send the frigates, or was she sent by the Confederacy with them? (I can;t remember for sure). But if she was sent with them, then this needs to be clarified, as right now you say that she sent the frigates.
 * 96) ** I'm not sure about Ventress, the rest is adressed.
 * 97) ***The sentence you added is choppy, and breaks up the flow. Also, you need to find out about Ventress. If you do not have access to watch the episode, ask around on the IRC for someone who might. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:07, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ****The sentence is corrected. It is never clearly stated if the frigates where sent by or with Ventress.
 * 99) *****Well, since they were definitely sent there at the same time as Ventress for a collaborated purpose, "with" is more correct, so I fixed it.
 * 100) * The first and last sentences of the P&t are a little choppy. Please rephrase for flow.
 * 101) ** Adressed.
 * 102) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:48, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) ** Thanks for the three reviews and the patience. --Clone Commander Lee 18:10, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) Attack of the Clone
 * 105) *That second sentence of the intro needs to be reworked; it's too much of a run-on. You may not have to mention Katuunko at all in the intro, as he's not necessarily directly related to Zak.
 * 106) **Reworded.
 * 107) ***Please check this again; it's still very long and unwieldy.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) ****Adressed.
 * 109) *Can you get another quote in either the bio, the P&T, or both? I'm quite sure he had more dialogue.
 * 110) **None good found
 * 111) ***I do believe there was something about the escape pods, and I don't see why it wouldn't be appropriate to add it in.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ****I know the quotes only in German. Could you help me ?
 * 113) *****I'll handle the quotes (with audio) for ya when I get home. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 18:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) ******OK, the quotes are added. I also augmented the P&T section to include the bold trait shown in the quote for that section. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:24, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) *Zak was a captain, but this isn't mentioned at all in the intro and is mentioned rather late in the bio. Please get it in the intro and mention it earlier in the bio.
 * 116) **Zak was according to the visual guide a naval officer.
 * 117) ***And according to the episode, I believe, he was also a captain. He can hold two different ranks; he's not only limited to one.  CC7567  (talk) 18:32, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ****Is there any source that he is a captain ? If what ? --Clone Commander Lee 15:53, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) *****I was under the impression that you had found one, since the bio already states that he's a captain. In any case, I can't seem to find any source that states it, but please check the Ambush book, as I don't own it.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) ******Checked. He is no captain.
 * 121) *******If he's not a captain, then why are you still saying he is in the article?  CC7567  (talk) 18:35, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) *******Fixed.
 * 123) *The second and third paragraphs of the bio are reading more like a summary of the Mission to Rugosa instead of Zak's biography; they're too focused on other characters. Please shorten them, and where possible, remove the unnecessary content.
 * 124) **(Should be) Fixed
 * 125) ***It can still be cut down. All that needs to be said is that Zak was assigned to transport Yoda to Rugosa for negotiations with Katuunko regarding a Toydarian base. Please try to shorten the whole paragraph, as it focuses too much on details irrelevant to Zak; all that needs to be said of Katuunko and Palpatine is that a meeting was arranged on Rugosa. Keeping Skytop Station in there is fine, but you need to source it properly. The episode didn't confirm that Skytop Station intercepted the transmission; only Katuunko's Databank entry states that Skytop Station intercepted it.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) ****Adressed.
 * 127) *"so that the Separatists couldn't concentrate all of their fire on just one pod": the sentence is worded backwards and isn't very clear; please reword it.
 * 128) **Fixed.
 * 129) ***Please check again; I'm not seeing a change.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) ****Fixed.
 * 131) * In the P&T, while Zak indeed "remained calm" during the attack, mentioning it directly seems to be overemphasizing it. Although it's a fact, it doesn't necessarily differentiate him from any other clone trooper, as there isn't anyone to compare him to for this trait. Please consider removing it.
 * 132) **Fixed.
 * 133) *While verb contractions are acceptable in FAs and GAs, I'd like you to remove them where possible, as their excessive use is making the article colloquial.
 * 134) **(should be )fixed.
 * 135) ***Please check this again; I'm not seeing a change. If you don't want to change them, that's fine, but please state so.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) ****I like it so.
 * 137) *Overall, I'm seeing a lot of unnecessary details in the article that are not relevant to Zak, including "to prove to Katuunko that the Jedi and the Republic could not protect themselves, let alone the Toydarians." Please take another look over the article for these issues.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) **Checked.
 * 139) *Can another relevant picture be found for the article body?  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) **I'll ask JMAS.
 * 141) ***I'll get one when I get home. With me, I only have the larger image that the infobox image is cropped from. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 18:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Axe (clone)
> JangFett  Talk 22:15, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: An Important Clone pilot, in TCW :P

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) –<font color="#000">Victor  Sienar.svg (<font color="#000">talk page ) 03:14, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job; this article has come a long way :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Object style="color:#003">Jujiggum ]]) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 17:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 15:28, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First sentence in the intro is a run-on, please fix.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * The intro is disproportionately large compared to the bio, please cut it down some.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) ***I believe it is still a little long. Please cut out any information that is really not very relevant.
 * 7) ****Addressed
 * 8) *****Better length, but now it reads: "However, Vulture droids to Blue Squadron." Please please please check this and the rest of the article for grammar issues. Jonjedigrandmaster  ([[User talk:Jonjedigrandmaster|<span
 * 1) ******I saw that and corrected it a while back.
 * 2) * Intro: "the group experienced bad luck&hellip;" Could this be changed to something less colloquial?
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Intro: "Aze was shot down by a droid, which caused his fighter to overload above Ryloth." This is very vague wording. He was shot down, and his fighter overloaded. Wwhat do you mean by "overload"? Did it explode? Did he die? Please clarify.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * You should start the bio with a basic introduction as to who Axe is.
 * 7) **Addessed
 * 8) ***This one still remains. please check.
 * 9) ****Sorry, Addressed.
 * 10) *****Better, but is there any way this can be merged with other info in the bio? It is a little too small to stand by itself. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ******Addressed
 * 12) * Also, check for over-underlinking. Once again, I got some of these, but there were several extra and missed links. Double check the article for any more.
 * 13) **Addressed
 * 14) * Bio: "as more enemy star destroyers joined Tuuk's blockade." First off, "Star Destroyers" should be capitalized, however, this may be irrelevant, as I don't recall the CIS ever using Star Destroyers. Correct me if I'm wrong, but please check on this.
 * 15) **Indeed, I changed it to "Munificent-class frigates".
 * 16) * P&t: "Like all clone trooper pilots who serve the Republic, Axe was known to be good pilot and strong leader under Blue Squadron." This needs to be reworded, as it implies that all clone pilots lead Blue Squadron, as well as that there were clone trooper pilots who did not serve the Republic. Also, a "leader" would not be "under" the people he was commanding. So Axe would be a leader of Blue Squadron, not under.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) ***This one still remains. Now you merely imply that all clones in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Also, you will need to source this section, and I don't know of any source that says that all clone pilots in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Later in the P&t, his Squadron leader was his superior, which makes the last sentence make no sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:59, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Hope this is better, I reworded the entire paragraph.
 * 20) *****Much better :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:41, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *The biggest problem right now with the article is the number of grammatical errors; please run through the article and re-check for these. I've fixed a couple, but many remain. Once you get them, I'll provide a more in-depth review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:48, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Addressed and read through the article once more. Corrected numerous grammatical errors.
 * 23) Preliminaries
 * 24) *I'll get to a proper review later, but right now the article is way too subsectioned for the amount of content it has. Please fix this.  CC7567  (talk) 22:54, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Are you referring to the "Biography" section?
 * 26) ***Yes, I am, as I don't see anywhere else where there are multiple sections.
 * 27) ****Addressed
 * 28) * Also, are you checking where you're linking? Both of your links to the Defender and Redeemer are disambig pages. Please go through the article again and check for things like this.  CC7567  (talk) 23:03, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Defender has been changed before you addressed this. Redeemer doesn't have a disambig page.
 * 30) ***Nope. The correct one is here.  CC7567  (talk) 23:08, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****This has already been changed before you addressed it :P
 * 32) The Grand Master, part two
 * 33) * The first couple sentences in the second part of the intro are a little choppy. Reword them a little, for flow.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "Under the command" is slightly repetative in the Bio.
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * "...after they left the hangar of the leading Republic Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute." The meaning of "leading" is somewhat unclear here.
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * "While they approached Tuuk's command ship..." Unclear as to "who" is. Blue Squadron? Yularen and Skywalker?
 * 40) **Addressed
 * 41) * " Tano, who was concerned for Axe and the rest of the squadron, soon realized that it was too late as more enemy Munificent-class frigates joined Tuuk's blockade." Tano realized that it was too late for what?
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * "Though for Tano, it was just a order they had to comply with." Grammar, please rephrase.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) *Keep up the good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:07, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **Thanks for the 2nd review Jon :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***No problem. You're doing well, Jang. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:30, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * Just one last thing: "Under the command of Tano, Axe participated in the ensuing space battle above Ryloth. Axe was accompanied by fellow Blue Squadron pilots Slammer, Kickback, Tucker and Swoop. While they flew in V-19 Torrent starfighters, Tano led the squadron in her Jedi starfighter. After they left the hangar of General Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute, they were quickly engaged by a tier of Vulture droids." This seems to be somewhat out of order. I'd suggest reordering or rephrasing them slightly, so that they make more sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) Cav's squadron briefing:
 * 5) *After Blue Squadron left the hangar of General Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute, they were quickly engaged by a tier of Vulture droids. Who was engaged? Blue Squadron or the Resolute? It's a little unclear.
 * 6) **Addressed
 * 7) *Mention should be made that Axe is the second in command of the squadron at the start of the bio, as well as in the intro. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:09, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Addressed. Thanks for the review :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments

Billal Batross

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 14:33, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first ever attempt to do a GA. Thanks to CC7567 for a pre-nom review.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 18:48, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Preliminaries
 * 2) * For now, can the intro be slimmed down? It's still a bit long. Try to only include details that are utterly necessary to the reader's very basic understanding of the character.  CC7567  (talk) 22:00, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I managed to make it a bit slimmer, but I'm not sure if anything else could be cut - it already tells only the very basics of the story.  Mauser  Comlink 07:14, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I guess that's fine for now; if I end up disagreeing again in future looks, I'll talk it over with you.
 * 5) * One more for now: "and were offered by Captain Taavin to help bring down Sollima in exchange for the release": check your diction of "offered"; that's not how the word is used. Please go through the article again and look for this; I'm still seeing it in multiple places, and it's not making sense. Also, "bring down" is too colloquial and not very specific; please clarify this.  CC7567  (talk) 07:22, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Yeah, that's my bad. I'm not a native english-speaker =\  Mauser  Comlink 09:48, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Clone attack
 * 8) * "so he asked to retrieve the droid": subject missing somewhere in there; it's not reading well.
 * 9) **Adressed.
 * 10) ***Please check this again; the current wording states that Batross asked Sollima if the crime lord could retrieve the droid himself.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Tweaked.
 * 12) * "Since the orders were to bring the droid back intact, the Aleena ordered to shoot them": who did he order?
 * 13) **Adressed.
 * 14) * "All the wealth, however, was soon afterward snatched away from him." Soon and afterward are slightly redundant here; I would suggest replacing both with "later" or a similar word.
 * 15) **Adressed.
 * 16) * In the refnote about Batross' "deceptive nature," can you explain a bit how the events were presented? Just knowing Batross' deceptive nature isn't enough to determine that they possibly never took place.
 * 17) **I am unsure about this one. The trick is, during the same conversation he directly lies at least twice (about being proud of Han's achievements and about being willing to change), so the reader obviously suspects a catch with that claim. Furthermore, when Han asks Batross about the money he gained, he says that "rotten luck snatched it away", which makes the reader even more suspicious. I think the fact alone that he lies to Han several times throughout the whole story is enough for not believing his words without proof. Should I add all this to the ref note?
 * 18) ***My concern was that I wasn't sure which appearance or source it came from; sorry for not clarifying. As long as it's specified that this was in the comic, it should be fine.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Tweaked the ref note a bit.
 * 20) * If you say "the representatives of the Empire," it needs to be stated which specific representatives they were. If you mean representatives in general, please remove the "the".
 * 21) **Adressed.
 * 22) * "he asked to retrieve the droid": please check this whole sentence; it's not making sense.
 * 23) **Adressed.
 * 24) ***Everything is fine except for the wording problem that I mentioned in the response to the objection above about "asked".  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Tweaked.
 * 26) * "Captain Taavin of the Empire then ordered to release both prisoners": who did he order to release them?
 * 27) **Adressed.
 * 28) * "According to Taavin's plan": rewording can be applied here; things are normally "according" to people, not necessarily inanimate objects.
 * 29) **Adressed.
 * 30) * "relatively intact": instead of stating it this way, I would recommend saying "with minor injures" or something for better clarity.
 * 31) **Adressed.
 * 32) *I'm up to "Escape from the Hollow Moon"; I'll finish later when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 20:07, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Again, thanks for your patience.  Mauser  Comlink 09:36, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) ***It's no problem; we all have to start somewhere, and your first nom is looking quite good. :)  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) Attack of the Clone III
 * 36) * "Realizing that the invasion of his world was unpreventable, Sollima, in a desperate attempt, asked Batross to kill his friend for a large sum of money, but Batross refused, stating that he and Solo were partners." This sentence is a bit choppy with the extra prepositional phrase (in a desperate attempt); please try to either smooth out the flow or remove the phrase if it can't be improved.
 * 37) **I found that bit unnecessary.
 * 38) * Solo threatened Sollima for Chewie's whereabouts, but did he get them? I know it's implied, but it needs to be clarified.
 * 39) **Adressed.
 * 40) * "he decided that he would become the third member": it's either he believed that he would become the third member, or that he wanted to become the third member; the current wording isn't really working.
 * 41) **Tweaked.
 * 42) * "Leading a life of a gambler, a con artist and an occasional thief": this is technically grammatically correct, but it's a bit choppy; can it be reworded?
 * 43) **I did a rewording, but if fact I don't like it myself. See how's that with you.
 * 44) * Solo's "incredible luck" is a bit POV-oriented; if it's stated, examples need to be given and it needs to be more specific.
 * 45) **It is indirectly stated by Batross when he complains about his own luck (P&T quote), but I decided to remove that, since it does indeed look like POV.
 * 46) * "such as the crime lords Sollima and Imperial officer Taavin": please check subject/plural agreement here.
 * 47) **Adressed.
 * 48) *I'll probably look it over once more after these objections are fixed, but good work.  CC7567  (talk) 00:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Ah, mesa not so good with englishes. =(  Mauser  Comlink 07:36, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) Final stand
 * 51) * It doesn't seem likely that Taavin would have to "ask" them to double-cross Sollima; since they were apparently desperate to get out, they would have wanted to do anything to be freed. I think better word choice can be used here. Perhaps something to do with "agreed", but if that word is used, the sentence will need to be reworded.
 * 52) **Tweaked, both in bio and the intro.
 * 53) * When he was being tortured by Sollima's thugs and at first refused to accompany Batross, did Solo want to simply undertake the mission himself? The current wording implies that, but also implies that Solo didn't want to do anything with Batross, and therefore avoid doing the mission altogether. This needs to be clarified.
 * 54) **Actually, it's unclear. The exact quote is: "No, no, no, no. No way. No deal. Solly - find someone else." It isn't specified if Han was asking to find someone else in his place, or in place of Batross.
 * 55) * "Solo transmitted the landing code received from Sollima": when exactly did they get the landing code? It's a bit unclear. If it wasn't specified, the wording needs to be more neutral so that it doesn't sound like it's speculating.
 * 56) **Addressed.
 * 57) * Specifically what is Solo's "skill" in the P&T? General, or skill in a specific field?
 * 58) **Adressed.
 * 59) * "Powerful individuals" needs to be specified; right now, it's slightly POV. If it were to be "individuals wielding great power", it might work better, but it needs to be clarified specifically what kind of power they held.
 * 60) **I choose to remove that bit completely.
 * 61) *It's almost there, Mauser, and it's looking very good. :)  CC7567  (talk) 23:34, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) Soresu
 * 63) * the Aleena ordered to shoot them. Doesn't flow very well.
 * 64) **Adressed.
 * 65) * gave the prisoners a choice: stand trial for sabotage and treason against the Empire, conflicts with As the only alternative for the accomplices was going to prison. Wasn't the alternative trial?
 * 66) **The Imperial Captain says that if they refuse to co-operate, they will stand trial, but adds that they'll spend the rest of their lives as sellmates. So, I choose to use different wordings in the intro and the bio. Do you think I should change one of them?
 * 67) ***No, it's fine. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Batross activated a bomb hidden inside the droid's head and threw it at two of the gangster's bodyguards, both of whom were killed in the explosion. Both Humans and the Aleena. Both is a little repetitive.
 * 69) **Adressed.
 * 70) *Looks like CC got most of the minor things. Very well done, Mauser. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:30, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) **Thanks for the review ;)  Mauser  Comlink 10:58, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ***Anytime. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * A note: the article's at c. 2,600 words, so it's within the GAN word count limit of 3,000.  CC7567  (talk) 20:23, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll take another look when I get the chance, but solid work. :)  CC7567  (talk) 07:44, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Sacking of Coruscant

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:49, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Bring it on.

(1 ACs/5 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * --Gbadude3 02:20, 16 June 2009 (UTC)


 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:42, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 23:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:36, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Great1 ( Talk ) 00:45, 20 June 2009 (EST)
 * 5) Very good work!--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:34, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Reviewed yesterday, forgot to support. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:01, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd makes his return to the GAN:
 * 2) * "Although members of the Jedi Order and Republic Special Forces attempted to defend their capital, the Sith forces overwhelmed them, and by the time the fighting had ended, the Jedi Temple had been reduced to rubble, with six members of the Jedi Council killed, along with the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic." Overly long sentence with too many commas. Break it up and/or reword.
 * 3) **Split and reworded.
 * 4) * "The treaty was highly unfair for the Republic, calling for the immediate withdrawal of all Republic forces and Jedi from all battlefronts." Uses "all" twice. Vary up your word choice.
 * 5) **Addressed...kinda. It sounds weird to me. Thoughts?
 * 6) ***No, it's good now.
 * 7) * I've noticed that your prose has an overabundance of commas. Try to reduce this.
 * 8) **I've removed a few. Not a ton but a few. Need more?
 * 9) *Other than that, very good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:43, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **Thank ya very much. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:29, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) The clone doesn't know why he's in this era either
 * 12) * Can you get the date in the intro and the body instead of just keeping it in the infobox?
 * 13) **It's in the body prelude. Want more or is that bueno?
 * 14) ***Oops, didn't catch that.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * The intro includes a bit much about the Treaty of Coruscant, when all it is is the aftermath of the battle. I would recommend reducing it to a sentence or so; I understand that the Sacking had a great effect on it, but in the interest of an intro including only information directly related to the article, it can be reduced.
 * 16) **I think I got it.
 * 17) ***I think it can be slimmed down a little more into one sentence; leaving it at "controversial Treaty, which stopped the war" will be fine here.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ****K, I removed the Treaty's terms but left in the Cold War mention. Is that okay?
 * 19) *****Yeah, that's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 07:46, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "In the centuries following the Great Hyperspace War, several members of the Republic's Jedi Order would take up the mantle of the Sith and ignite galactic conflicts, such as the Exar Kun War and the Jedi Civil War." The future tense thing here is unnecessary; it's talking from a reminiscent perspective that isn't appropriate in the prelude of the actual battle.
 * 21) **Taken care of I believe.
 * 22) * Both the first two paragraphs of the prelude start with "After"; can one be reworded?
 * 23) **Yes sir.
 * 24) * "Unbeknownst to the Republic, the Jedi, and these new Sith, a faction of the original Sith had survived the destruction of the Empire after being led into the Unknown Regions of the galaxy by a mysterious Dark Lord who would become the Emperor of the surviving Sith." Rather long-winded; try to break this one up and reword.
 * 25) **Splt.
 * 26) * "The Jedi and Sith fought viciously while the bounty hunter engaged Temple Security with rockets and a flame thrower." This sentence needs to be reworded; whether intentionally or not, it's a null comparison that's comparing the Jedi and Sith's fighting intensity to the bounty hunter's methods of attack.
 * 27) **Changed the "while" to "as" so it's more of a note of simultaneous action than differing action. Does that help?
 * 28) * "During the melee, the Sith's Twi'lek aide was incapacitated after being thrown with the Force into a column by one of the Jedi that had originally confronted her and the Sith." Can that Jedi somehow be mentioned earlier?
 * 29) **I attempted to initially, and it repeatedly came off extremely awkward. Other than "one of the Jedi that had originally confronted her" there's no other way to identify him. If I put him in there when I talk about the Jedi encircling her and the Sith, it reads like "...while the Sith and Twi'lek were confronted by several Jedi, including one very special one, in the main entrance hall below." Without a name it's just too awkward.
 * 30) * "Angral, the Sith Lord in command of the strike on Coruscant": the "strike on Coruscant" reads a bit awkwardly here. I'm not sure whether you mean the strike on the planet itself or on its surface; please clarify.
 * 31) **Changed "on" to "against".
 * 32) * Sith Warship or Sith warship? Both are used; please be consistent.
 * 33) **Fixed up.
 * 34) * The battle part of the article is a bit subsectioned. Can you try perhaps merging the two last sections? However, if this is done, image placement will need to be fixed, so please try to work this out.
 * 35) **The problem here is that in the two appearances (Threat of Peace & Deceived) of the battle, there are two distinct portions of the battle that are specified, those being the invasion of the temple and the attack on the Senate. The timeline doesn't go into specifics, however it does give a broad overview of the events during the battle, such as the collapse of the temple and the death of the Jedi Masters. I originally had those mixed in with the other sections, however it looked out of place and awkward. With two paragraphs worth of information, I reasoned it was enough for a section, however if you have any other suggestions, they would be welcome.
 * 36) * When you refer to the Jedi Temple without the "Jedi", is it Temple or temple? You use both throughout the article.
 * 37) **Waiting on this one per IRC.
 * 38) ***I'll check this again when I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) * "reducing the assembly's numbers by half": it needs to be either "by half of ", or it needs to be reworded.
 * 40) **I mixed up the wording but it seems reallllly strange to me now. Would you prefer going simple and saying "During the fighting, half of the Jedi High Council was killed."?
 * 41) ***Yeah, I think that would be best.  CC7567  (talk) 07:29, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) ****Taken care of.
 * 43) * Same subsectioning issue for the Aftermath; two short paragraphs don't really constitute a section. Please try to merge them. New image placement will also need to be applied here.
 * 44) **Same situation as above, however I could merge the Occupation with the Republic's losses, however the occupation was really part of the aftermath, not during the sacking itself. Thoughts? (Also keep in mind that with the rate that information being released, all of these sections will grow quickly and be more fit to stand on their own.)
 * 45) * For both "Repercussion" paragraphs, both start with "With". Can one be reworded?
 * 46) **Yes sir.
 * 47) * 1st needs to be used in Appearances where appropriate.
 * 48) **Done.
 * 49) *Overall, the article is quite solid for an event from so recently released appearances. Good work.  CC7567  (talk) 05:09, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Thank you. :) Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 07:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Soresu
 * 52) * The ship came to a halt directly in front of the lone Sith, Didn't it stop behind the Sith?
 * 53) **Yeah good catch.
 * 54) * Could the quote descriptions be expanded a bit? Just stating the speaker isn't enough, and it becomes rather bland.
 * 55) **Expanded a few. The first can't really be expanded though, because it was more like narration.
 * 56) ***Much better now. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:36, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) *It's looking good! SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:44, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thank you! Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 00:23, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 01:25, 15 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 01:45, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Like the Treaty of Coruscant, this article will obviously require updating as time goes on, and like the Treaty, I intend on doing just that. But at the moment, it's in the GA range. And I have no plans to go for anything higher until it's stable. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 21:49, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fixed quite a few spelling errors in my 1st copyedit, also removed unnecessary tags in the body. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Thanks. I was almost certain i didn't catch all of them. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:38, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Also I fixed the "Decieved" reference to "Deceived" – proper spelling :P <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Sure. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:58, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I reworded a couple things related to the objections.--Gbadude3 02:20, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Moradmin Bast
> JangFett  Talk 00:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Quite solid work, One of the few outside TCW articles I've rewritten :P

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * "Moradmin Bast was an Imperial Army general, subordinate to High General Cassio Tagge, and the personal aide to Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin aboard the first Death Star, and served as chief manager in the Death Star." Split these sentences up.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"Though soon after, Bast was killed when the Death Star exploded near Yavin 4, after Luke Skywalker's proton torpedo entered the Thermal exhaust port in the Death Star." The "Though soon after" is rather awkward.
 * 5) **Indeed, removed that statement.
 * 6) * " Seated to the left of his superior officer, Tagge, the group of command staff stationed in the Death Star discussed the Rebel Alliance, and their victory in obtaining the Death Star plans." Is it really relevant where he sat?
 * 7) **Not really :) Removed
 * 8) * " Motti and Tagge argued about the Imperial Senate's continuous support for the Alliance, though with the intervention of Tarkin, he announced to the assembled command staff the Emperor's dissolution of the Imperial Senate. " Reword. It makes it sound like Motti or Tagge announced the dissolution of the Senate, although it was Tarkin.
 * 9) **Removed that comma and added a period before "Though".
 * 10) * Be consistent on your capitalization of the "Force".
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * "During the Battle of Yavin, Imperial military analysts, who had been studying the Rebels' initial attempt to enter the battle station's northern polar trench, brought to Bast's attention." Brought what to Bast's attention?
 * 13) **Addressed and removed that statement.
 * 14) * "Bast indicated that the small thermal exhaust port was a potential danger to everyone onboard the battlestation. " Tell why the exhaust port is a danger.
 * 15) **Addressed. I stated that it was a entrance to the main reactor; I could say why it was a "danger" in a different sentence, but I don't want to get off topic.
 * 16) * "Though, the engineers stationed on the Death Star experienced slight difficulties, delaying the destruction of Yavin 4." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) * "after one of his fighters bumped his own fighter, " Reword.
 * 19) **haha, Thanks for addressing this objection. Fixed, hope that works
 * 20) * "as well as all the Death Star's commendations," I don't think commendations is appropriate here.
 * 21) **Reworded
 * 22) * Is content of the Legacy section really suitable for Legacy? It's really just "There was a guy who looked like him."
 * 23) **No, removed. The mentioning of the lookalike is in the bts.
 * 24) * Quote for P&T?
 * 25) **The only major quote he said in Episode IV was the "analyzed the attack sir". I don't want to repeat the quote because I used it two times. I moved one variation of that quote to the P&T from the Battle of Yavin section.
 * 26) * "many of whom were also assigned to the Death Star included:" Reword, although I would prefer you cut the part about the other Imperial officers with the same facial hair out entirely. It's not very relevant./s>
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * "The lookalike officer in the Holiday Special has not yet been identified, and his connection with Bast, if any, has not been explained, but it is known that is not Bast, and that Bast died in the Battle of Yavin." Split this sentence up, and the one following it.
 * 29) **Addressed
 * 30) * Watch your linking. Articles are linked to once in the intro and once in the main body of the article.
 * 31) **Fixed
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Mauser:
 * 34) * One thing is obligatory for all movie noms: check all adaptations. In your case: the novel, the junior novel, the Marvel adaptation, the Dark Horse adaptation, the Manga adaptation, the photo comic, the radio drama, The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader and possibly some others. Simply adding them to the appearances list is not nearly enough: you must check all of them for any new info and inconsistencies.
 * 35) **I completely agree, though I need to check if he was in the novel. I don't quite remember if he was in the 1976 and the most recent adaptions, but I will check. Bast wasn't identified until CCG, he was known by a different name/designation before the CCG. Death Star referred to Bast as "lieutenant".
 * 36) ***Fixed sources and references. Expanded bts as well.
 * 37) ****What about the Dark Horse adaptation and the radio drama?
 * 38) *****He was in the Dark Horse but not in the radio drama. Addressed.
 * 39) * A movie character with lines such as Bast is ought to have more sources mentioning him. Cards from Star Wars Trading Card Game and Star Wars PocketModel TCG are the first ones that spring to mind, but I'm sure there are a lot more. Even the sources, that are already listed, you don't seem to use. Where's the info from the Insider article, Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary, Star Wars Encyclopedia for that matter?
 * 40) **I'll be adding more sources and I'll check those visual dictionaries. Hopefully the newer sources say he is Bast.
 * 41) ***Same comment in the previous objection.
 * 42) *Keeping in mind that those two objections are pretty major and will require a lot of time to get the sources alone, I'd say this article's chances of getting GA'd in the near future are slim at best.  Mauser  Comlink 10:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **With respect, Fett, you should have done that prior to moninating the article.  Mauser  Comlink 13:18, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Though a article can change throughout the nomination.
 * 45) ****Will give a full review after the last two sources are checked.  Mauser  Comlink 10:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) Jinzler
 * 47) * The sources list is not in chronological order
 * 48) **I'm aware of that; I'll be adding new sources soon and reorder them.
 * 49) * I may be wrong, but wasn't Bast's rank known only to be "Chief" until the release of Death Star, which confirmed that he was a general? If so, this should be mentioned in the BTS section
 * 50) **CCG referred to him as Chief Bast. Death Star was only "lieutenant". But I'll check the novel just to make sure.
 * 51) * I know that Floyd has suggested that you remove the legacy section but if you keep it, it could do with some slight rephrasing: Two years after Bast's death, a man who served onboard the Imperial I-class Star Destroyer Devastator resembled Bast - this seems to give the impression that the man only resembled Bast while aboard the Star Destroyer. It would perhaps sound better if you changed it to "a man resembling Bast served onboard an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. Also you could perhaps add a bit more context to this and mention the Blockade of Kashyyyk
 * 52) *My favourite Death Star officer --Jinzler 23:30, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **I agree :)
 * 54) Mauser strikes back:
 * 55) * Sources needs to be sorted by the order of publishment.
 * 56) **Addressed
 * 57) * Why have succession box, if he's the only person to ever hold such position?
 * 58) *Addresed
 * 59) * Context for the Death Star in intro.
 * 60) **Adressed
 * 61) * In the intro you use the words Death Star too much. Replace some instances with "battlestation" or something.
 * 62) **Addressed
 * 63) * Intro could be expanded.
 * 64) **I dont think so. The intro explains his rank within the Death Star, which is partly revealed in the DS novel. Then sums up his role in A New Hope.
 * 65) * No "remains unknown" is allowed.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) *" either assigned or personally selected" - speculation.
 * 68) **Addressed
 * 69) * "He seems to have functioned well" - speculation.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * You describe all events in the conference room, though not all of them are relevant to Bast himself. Please re-check.
 * 72) **Addressed
 * 73) * Find at least one more image for the article.
 * 74) **Addressed
 * 75) * The image of Bast and Vader is from the very deleted scene you talk about. Therefore, it is not Bast.
 * 76) **Addressed
 * 77) *You say that Skywalker led a squad into the trench. Read the squad article and reword accordingly.
 * 78) **Addressed
 * 79) ***I corrected it myself.
 * 80) *More to come.  Mauser  Comlink 15:59, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Next round:
 * 82) *Infobox: you don't even say that he was a Human male. Same for the bio.
 * 83) **Actually, it was in the infobox but not in the bio. Added in the bio.
 * 84) ***Sorry, still can't see it in the bio.
 * 85) * "found a potential danger" - what exactly was the danger?
 * 86) **Addressed in the intro.
 * 87) ***The thing is, intro should be self-explanatory.
 * 88) **Expanded the meaning of it in the intro. But it is explained in his bio.
 * 89) * "Bast confronted Tarkin" - that wasn't a confrontation. Besides, you don't even say that he asked Tarkin to evacuate.
 * 90) **Reworded and expanded.
 * 91) * "Bast entered service in the Imperial Army and rose through the ranks" - what's the source for that?
 * 92) **Reworded, that section is sourced to the DS novel.
 * 93) * "Bast had no personal aspirations beyond serving the Empire, and was loyal to Tarkin and Tagge." - that belongs in P&T.
 * 94) **Addressed
 * 95) *Why did the Rebels run out of time?
 * 96) **Expanded
 * 97) ***Again, is that really relevant to Bast? Check the article TK-622 - it only mentions parts of the battle that were essential to his fate, no need to focus on Luke and vader instead of Bast.
 * 98) *Tarkin did not order Bast to fire the superlaser, of that I'm certain. The orders were to another officer.
 * 99) **I'm certain it was Bast and then Bast gave the order to the chief gunnery officer.
 * 100) ***I will double-check it soon.
 * 101) *The whole last paragraph of the bio with the description of the Battle of Yavin looks choppy. Check it again and leave only elements relevant to Bast himself.
 * 102) **Addressed and removed a section.
 * 103) * Expand P&T.
 * 104) **I merged that sentence in the bio in the P&T, though their is not too much information about him and I have listed what is seen in the DS novel and A New Hope.
 * 105) *In Holiday Special Bast's lines from the movie were re-dubbed, you should mention that.
 * 106) **Addressed
 * 107) ***Sorry, you misunderstood me. In the ANH deleted scene he and Vader had one dialogue, while in the Holiday Special it was replaced with a compeletely different one. It's explained in Star Wars: Behind the Magic.
 * 108) *  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 00:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Appearances go above sources fyi. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Opps, must have missed that. Thanks for fixing that Trayus :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Unidentified Naboo merchant
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:45, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: "Shaken, not stirred"

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Look, the father of Han Solo's twin brother apparently worked for his son's mother-in-law. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:58, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Bond. James Bond.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:16, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:31, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  17:59, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 19:31, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) I'll have a vodka martini&hellip;  Graestan ( Talk ) 20:03, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:01, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:50, 17 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 17:15, 17 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:36, 18 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 09:54, 20 June 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 08:21, 3 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 17:16, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Farl-objection: Under BtS, easter egg links to "in-universe easter eggs that happen to exist", not to the out-of-universe concept of easter egg that could explain the use you are giving to the expression. I expect you to change it, Mr. Gon. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:04, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed, Mr. Farl. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * One objection: "This may indicate that he might have lied and was in fact a criminal as Kenobi suspected." This is speculation. Cut this out. Good work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 17:03, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I think it is important to note that there is a possibility of him lying to Kenobi. Reworded to be less speculative, though. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "However, by giving Queen Amidala his stockpiled weapons the merchant proved that—at least partially—he had been telling the truth." The "at least partially" bit is speculation, and should be removed. I'd do it, but it seems unclear as to whether he actually is a legitimate citizen or not.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:28, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **And it is really unclear. Upon his meeting with Kenobi, he claims that he is not a criminal and is affilated with the resistance. True, he later provides Amidala with weapons, but that doesn't mean that he wasn't a criminal in the first place. Hence the "at least partially" part. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * He later encountered a young Jedi called Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was on a mission to rescue the Naboo Queen Padmé Amidala. The merchant begged Kenobi to release him, and the Jedi did so. The merchant later. Later is repetitive. I suggest you change the first.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *In future, remember that typing anything next to |hideb= will remove the biographical information section, and the same applies for the other sections, replacing the b with the first letter of the header. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:33, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks. I'll remember. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Images
 * 2) * Need at least 2 image more to be good article! I'm also pretty sure that there is even more information about him that could be writed, mostly in "Behind the scenes" .--Kreivi Wolter 22:25, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **No, it doesn't need two more images. Requirement 16 clearly states a Good Article nomination must "include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available." Nowhere does it say that a Good Article needs a minimum of two images plus the infobox image. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:36, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ummmm, okay, uuhhhh, I didn't exactly meant that, sorry, I know I phrased it unclearly. 2 images (or why not even 1) are(/is) needed to get my own, personal opinion to support this site to good. I have played the game and I know that there is at least 2 possible image that would expand the article. And there's also several dark side options in game, like killing him or leaving him in his fate, which should be placed on the "Behind the scenes" .--Kreivi Wolter 22:57, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****"Personal opinion" doesn't cut it. If the nominator does not wish to add any more images, then he doesn't have to just because you want him to. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:00, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Uummmmm, okay, I, uhhhhh, I just suggested how to expand the article.--Kreivi Wolter 23:04, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Well, you need to strike then.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:59, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ********What? Strike? What do you mean?--Kreivi Wolter 16:18, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) Toprawa:
 * 10) *Have you checked the game guide(s) for a mention/appearance? Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:41, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) What do you mean by "the resistance"? It sounds like you mean "a resistance", since you don't link to another article or elaborate on it, but please check it.  CC7567  (talk) 23:17, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Yeah, it's "a". <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Non-canon appearance
 * 2) * Although not happened in the "real" Star Wars, it should be noted in behind the scenes. Isn't it possible to kill him, or let him to rot in the prison ?--Kreivi Wolter 16:47, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **The possibility of leaving him in prison has been already noted. Added the part about killing him, though. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments

Redeemer (Venator-class)

 * Nominated by: Kilson Like PIE 23:23, 20 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Defender nom. Me and CC both think that there's not enough info. for a Commanders and crew section.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) I have no problems with it. Well done, PIEman.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:13, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 10:07, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Mauser:
 * 2) * Why there is little no technical information listed, both in the body and in the infobox, when the Venator-class Star Destroyer article has plenty?
 * 3) **If I might butt in here, it's because the Redeemer wasn't confirmed to be a "universal" Star Destroyer; for example, we don't know the specifics for the crew. It has to be clarified directly, or else it's just speculation.  CC7567  (talk) 18:40, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***We may be oblivious about the crew, but we can be sure it has standard width/height, right?  Mauser  Comlink 20:37, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****For now, I rather doubt it; who's to say that it wasn't modified? Just because the original Venator was a certain size doesn't mean that it was used on all destroyers; again, unless there's a source (and a recent one at that) that clearly states "All Venators Are This Size", it's still speculation.  CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Because the animators use the same model over and over again, that's why! =) Seriously, I looked at the other starships FA and GA and mpst of them seem to ignore the characteristics of individual ships, even if they are presented in a sourcebook for the class as a whole. No point arguing with that, I think, no matter how I disagree.  Mauser  Comlink 10:07, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Can somehting else be found for the BTS?
 * 8) **Gave another little tidbit, but other than that, not really. Kilson Likes PIE 21:53, 21 June 09 (UTC)
 * 9) *Otherwise looks good.  Mauser  Comlink 10:36, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Attack of the Clone
 * 11) * "The Redeemer was part of the Republic's task force of three Venator-class cruisers to eliminate the Confederate blockade, led by the Jedi General Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan, Jedi Commander Ahsoka Tano, along with the cruisers Resolute and Defender. " Please try to reword this sentence; it currently sounds like there's more than three cruisers involved.
 * 12) **It still has the same problem, even with the addition of "made up". If you're going to name the other two cruisers, please do so when you mention them first; otherwise, it's just too confusing.  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***How about now?
 * 14) ****I'll catch you in IRC if I can, but the wording still isn't coherent. The sentence doesn't get in the fact that all three cruisers made up the task force, and that the task force was under the command of Skywalker and Tano; right now, it isn't clear what Skywalker and Tano were commanding. It would be clearer to say "the Redeemer, Resolute, and Defender were part of a Republic task force under the command of Skywalker and Tano sent to eliminate the Confederate blockade." However, you're still going to have to find some way to get in the fact that the Resolute and Defender were Venators.  CC7567  (talk) 21:34, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * "It also had a pair of command towers and eight engines equipped." Can "equipped" be varied, as it's used in the previous sentence? Also, the word order isn't working here.
 * 16) * Just a note: while I realize this adheres to the Manual of Style, please consider changing "Venator" to "Venator-class" in all related instances; it gives the impression that it's fanon.
 * 17) **I was only able to find one instance, and I changed it. If you see anymore, please tell me, or just change it yourself.
 * 18) * "However, Tuuk summoned four more Munificent frigates to support his fleet, which opened fire upon the Republic task force, causing heavy damage to all three Star Destroyers." The excess commas are making this sentence choppy.
 * 19) * While it's fine to leave the stuff about Skywalker's defeat of Tuuk in the article, please try to shorten it a tad. It's not directly relevant to the article, and it doesn't require as much detail as it currently has.
 * 20) * Does the CSWE have an entry for the Redeemer, as the Defender did?  CC7567  (talk) 20:50, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **No, it does not. Thanks for the review CC, everything else is addressed. Kilson Likes PIE 12:32, 28 June 09 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 23:08, 21 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 23:14, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Missing a lot of Venator-class Star Destroyer description. Other than that, nice work Kilson :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *Please see the response to Mauser's comment.  CC7567  (talk) 23:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Indeed, I concur with his objection. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Kilson, sorry about the confusion; I voted when I still had an objection remaining. I've stricken it for now, but I'll replace it once the objection is fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 18:48, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Mandalore City

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:49, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As IFY said, this belongs in "Category:I FUCKING HATE LUCASARTS!"

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:51, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Further objections hashed out in IRC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:46, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "but nothing else about its history has come to light." That's OOU speculation. Why is it down as Knights of the Old Republic 3 and not III? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:33, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Done with the first thing. Because thats the way it was written in Rouge Leaders to my knowledge. There's no source for it being planned as "III". NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:44, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **"To your knowledge"? You mean you don't actually have the book? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:29, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) According to Microsoft word, this article is currently at 209 words, which is below the 250 minimum per rule 17.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 02:01, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Fixed, its now 264. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:26, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) "...where Rebel Alliance members Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Lando Calrissian, and Chewbacca along with their droids, R2-D2 and C-3PO, searched for their friend, smuggler Han Solo, after he was frozen in carbonite and taken by one of three possible bounty hunters." Sorry to be blunt, but this unnecessary fluff to get the article to 250 words and has no real value to the article itself and should be removed. Please find more relevant information to add, or this will not make it to 250 words.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:06, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *Fixed again. I just added that to ensure that it would get to 250 and admittedly I should have cut it down afterwards. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:47, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **"..in which Rebel Alliance members searched for their friend, former smuggler Han Solo, after he was frozen in carbonite and taken by one of three possible bounty hunters." This part is still unnecessary fluff and is in no way relevant to "Mandalore City". The sentence should end here: "the sixty-eighth issue of the Marvel Comics series Star Wars." I really don't think this should be a GA unless you can find significant information to add without adding fluff, like explaining what non-canon means.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 01:22, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***That's not fluff, that's saying what happened in the comic, to contextify it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:40, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ****But the only context for the comic needed for the article is that Mandalore appeared in it. That's it. Anything more is fluff. And the context for non-canon is really excessive. Once again it must be relevant to the article's topic "Mandalore City".  Grunny  ( Talk ) 14:43, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *****It wasn't intended as fluff but OK I'll remove the part about the story. I don't think its excessive, its just that people take it for granted and don't context canon in many articles, even I do sometimes. I've had to context some pretty obvious things before (such as George Lucas) as concessions to people who don't know and this was one of those times. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 12:51, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Toprawa:
 * 13) *With all due respect to the work you've done here, Naru, I think this article is a nice example of how just because an article might meet the word count doesn't necessarily mean it qualifies for a Good article. I feel I need to cite GAN Rule 9: A GA must "have significant information." And this article simply fails that. I don't see a way this article, considering its extremely limited scope of information, could ever satisfy this without just adding fluff. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Its now 250 words, without the fluff, and contains absolutely all released information relevant to the topic and because of that, IMO, it has "significant information." NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:47, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) I'm going to have to agree with Tope. It's primarily BtS, and the content itself is almost the same as the intro. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:22, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Max (bunny) Was an FA where this occured. The article is practically all Bts, though there is more story to go on and even then, half of it is just a statement of where he was. As well, thereare plenty of articles that have been put up where the bio and intro were almost the same, it's what happens when there iseither no story or little story to go on. Max could even be said guilty of this, though it has a bit more meticulous detail in his bio such as the time, more specific and general place, etc. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 14:56, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **The problem isn't that an article has too much BTS information. It's that this article doesn't have enough IU material. Max has several paragraphs worth, which is substantially more than what this article will ever have. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:55, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Trandoshan bounty hunter

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 17:08, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I was going to put this up last night, but I forgot :P

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 14:39, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 18:26, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) I sense a disturbance in the article
 * 2) * First of all, I think he should be called Unidentified Trandoshan bounty hunter. It is more specific than male.
 * 3) **I don't mind. Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Intro: He was planning to capture the Senator Shayla Paige-Tarkin and give him over to the CIS in order to collect the large bounty on any Galactic Senate member but was intercepted by Commander Fox, the leader of a group of specially trained clone troopers that performed actions for the Senate called the Coruscant Guard This one is bit run-on and feels like the Coruscant Guard was the name of the Senate and not the group.
 * 5) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:31, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Same sentence. I'm not really fond of using acronyms ("CIS") in the articles. Change it to "the Confederacy" or "the Separatists".
 * 7) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * This Trandoshan bounty hunter, trying to capitalize on the large bounty for members of the Galactic Senate offered by the Confederacy of Independent Systems despite the fact that no one had ever succeeded, traveled to Coruscant, the Republic's capital planet, in an attempt to kidnap Senator Shayla Paige-Tarkin. This one is a run-on too. I suggest you to write a separate sentence about the bounty on the Senate members and start talking about the Trandoshan in the next one.
 * 9) **Reworded. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:31, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Although the first "this" is OK, I think that he should be called "the Trandoshan" after that.
 * 11) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Fox once again told him to surrender and noticed that he had begun looking at the edge of the building so he threatened to shoot the male out of the sky if he tried to use his jetpack again. Awkward. Please reword.
 * 13) **Reworded. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:48, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * May find more later... <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) The name in his infobox is incorrect on two counts. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:26, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:22, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The clone
 * 4) * Please split up the bio by starting at least one new paragraph somewhere; right now, it's an unwieldy wall of text.
 * 5) * I would suggest running through the bio again; there are a lot of "he"s and uses of "his" that could apply to either the bounty hunter or Fox.
 * 6) **I think I got them all. --Naru
 * 7) * "The bounty hunter refused, squeezing the trigger of his gun, when Fox took advantage of the Trandoshan species' slow reaction time and shot the gun out of the alien's hands." The chronology here isn't working; also, reaction to what?
 * 8) **Fixed. --Naru
 * 9) * Please try not to use "so" as much as you do right now; it's often too colloquial for formal writing. I would suggest checking over the article again for this, but it's particularly the first few sentences of the bio that bug me, as well as here: "The bounty hunter knew that he had lost so he gave in and was taken into custody by the Guard."
 * 10) **Fixed. --Naru
 * 11) * "After his plan was discovered by Commander Fox, he showed that he was not very accurate with his blaster, though able to score some near hits, and slow on the trigger in general." Please reword this; it's too choppy.
 * 12) **Fixed --Naru
 * 13) * "but* he would surrender reluctantly if there was no chance of escape": this sounds like it's a trend, like he would do it every time he was put into this situation. It's only been known to happen once, so please reword it.
 * 14) **Reworded --Naru
 * 15) *Next time, I would suggest proofreading your articles more before nominating them; the "Biography" was instead "History", and there were several redirects in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 23:38, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Please vary "though" in the P&T.  CC7567  (talk) 04:28, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) Objections.
 * 18) * “This individual, a male Trandoshan bounty hunter, lived during the Clone Wars conflict between the Galactic Republic—the dominant galactic government of the time—and the Confederacy of Independent Systems, a group of separatists that seceded from the Republic.” – Not a good opening. Give something better as an encyclopaedic opening, not “this individual”.
 * 19) **Never mind; can't think of a better alternative. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  14:55, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *Another problem is that the “a male Trandoshan bounty hunter” doesn’t go well where it is.
 * 21) *It’s also a run on. I’d suggest starting from scratch with that part. Break it down and reword.
 * 22) *The introduction’s got a variety of tenses; sometimes it’s past, sometimes not. All to past, please.
 * 23) *Go through the article and check all links possible are linked; “Senator”, for instance.
 * 24) *Way too much detail on the fight in the biography; cut down some.
 * 25) *“Commed” is too colloquial.
 * 26) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 19:48, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) *“Clambering” is too colloquial.
 * 28) **Fixed NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 19:48, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *If the source in question doesn’t specify that Trandoshans are naturally slow at firing or whatever, then you need a source for that.
 * 30) **That's what I took: "'T'doshok no surrender!' he howled as his clawed finger squeezed the trigger of his scatter gun. Good thing the Trandoshans are slow, I thought as I squeezed the trigger of my own blaster." to mean. I can change it if you think that isn't sufficient
 * 31) *“Pulled off” is too colloquial.
 * 32) *Same source point for the slow fact in P&T.
 * 33) *Expand BtS somewhat, and same point as objection 1.
 * 34) *Those are my first objections. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  08:15, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 18:37, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Added tag. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Facepalm. How'd I forget that? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 21:31, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I'll take another look later if I get the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 04:28, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Qulok's Fist

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:05, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I have no idea what a Qulok is.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:41, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Go DarkStryder!  CC7567  (talk) 23:46, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:30, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Are you sure that there are no quotes available?
 * 3) **Afraid not.
 * 4) * "although one he had abandoned by destroying all hyperspace-capable and stranding the base personnel.": All hyperspace-capable what?
 * 5) **Hyperspace-capable ships. Nice catch, fixed.
 * 6) *Great job. 1,011 words at this time, so there's a chance for FA later if you can find a quote . &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:53, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thank you, but quotes do not count towards the final article word count. And being a little of a 1000 words makes me uneasy to offer it up for FA in case revision drop it below the word limit. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 18:18, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***What I meant was that FAN rules require a quote no matter what, whereas here on GAN it's not required if none are available. However, I forgot that that was changed so that a quote is not required on FAN either if none exist, so that not an issue. :) And don't be shy about FAN&mdash;the worst that can happen is that it gets pulled from the page after falling below 1000 words, in which case it would still be a GA. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:41, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Bormus Testing Facility

 * Nominated by: Kilsone Likes PIE 6:40, 24 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Procedure nom and Jon's Gran worker nom.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:50, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:46, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 18:47, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Punctuation missing on lead quote.
 * 3) * Linking in quote captions is missing.
 * 4) * However, when his request was shot down because the fighters need at least another three weeks of testing. However, Skywalker decided to personally travel to the Bromus Testing Facility Using the word "when" implies a later event. I would be easiest to just connect it onto the next sentence by removing the However in between, which is repetitive anyway.
 * 5) ** There are still two howevers. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:46, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***I have now, however, addressed this. :P Kilson Likes PIE 17:06, 02 July 09 (UTC)
 * 7) * Could the caption for the image be a little more descriptive?
 * 8) * However, his request was shot down, because the Y-wings required least another three weeks of feild-tesing. However, Skywalker decided to acquire the Y-wings himself. However is repetitive.
 * 9) * However, Broadside and Matchstick argued that since they have a Jedi with them that outranked the guards, they should be allowed past. Meanwhile, the R2-D2 gave the Gran worker falsified documents saying Skywalker can take the Y-wings. However, Not in past tense. Again, however is too excessively used.
 * 10) **Addressed, thank you for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 12:17, 25 June 09 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Just one left. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:46, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) The Grand Master
 * 13) * Actually, you're not supposed to link quote captions unless that is the only spot in the article in which the linked words appear.
 * 14) * The first sentence should be reworded; right now it's not clear as to whether the station or the planet is run by Koensayr.
 * 15) * As I recall, it was Senator Aak, not Palpatine, who had to give perimission for the fighters to be used.
 * 16) **You're right, but Skywalker asked both for some reason.
 * 17) * I believe "his clone troopers" were Blue Squadron. They should probably be linked in the intro, and later, when you say "his troops", you should probably say "his pilots", to be more accurate.
 * 18) **Shadow squadron, and I put it in. :P
 * 19) * The first sentence of the Characteristics should be reworded; unclear whether the station or Koensayr itself orbited the planet. (Once again, I know what you mean, but what you have is grammatically incorrect)
 * 20) * "The Bormus Testing Facility had a Gran working there" This is awkward, please reword.
 * 21) * "Pablo Hidalgo, the writer of Procedure, intended in the comic that the Grans working in the Bormus Testing Facility were to show that Senator Ask Aak was putting his friends into places of influence." This is also phrased awkwardly, please reword.
 * 22) **I'm not really sure how that's phrased akwardly, but I did try to shorten it a bit.
 * 23) *I've changed all these, but as a note, remember that clone trooper is two words, not one. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:04, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Everything else is addressed, thanks, again, for the review dude. Kilson Likes PIE 17:14, 02 July 09 (UTC)
 * 25) Attack of the Clone
 * 26) *I've fixed both of these for you, but please remember to use Ref tags in the infobox, as well as the fact that all dates in the series are "c. 22 BBY" and referenced to the TCW novel.
 * 27) * "However, Skywalker's request was shot down": too colloquial and unspecific; please reword.
 * 28) **OK, addressed. Kilson Likes PIE 18:12, 04 July 09 (UTC)
 * 29) *Fine otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 23:59, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just as a note, you should probably make a stub for hangar 8122, especially since it a appears in the infobox. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:50, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, even though this isn't backed up by GAN requirements, I would highly recommend making at least an article stub for it; a redlink simply doesn't look nice in the infobox.  CC7567  (talk) 23:59, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I made a small article. Kilson Likes PIE 18:12, 04 July 09 (UTC)
 * Please watch how you link things; linking the "who worked" in "a Gran who worked at the facility" doesn't make sense. It has to link the whole subject, meaning that the link would end at "facility" in this case.  CC7567  (talk) 23:59, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Attack on the Elders' spaceport

 * Nominated by: &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My third GA nom, continuing JonathanProject:Obi-Wan left the Jedi.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:40, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 04:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * knocked the guard down, then knocked a second guard out. Firstly, knocked is repetitive. Also, does knocked the guard down mean knocked unconscious or just pushed onto the ground?
 * 3) **Reworded. As far as the second part of the objection, the source only states that Obi-Wan "knocked him down", but the description of the rest of the battle clearly indicates that he does not in any way participate in the fight afterward. In other words, he could be knocked out, but we don't know for sure. We know only that he was taken out of the fight, which is reflected by the new wording. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:37, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Soon after, the now-divided Young battled one last time, this time against itself. Time is repetitive.
 * 5) **Reworded.
 * 6) *And that's it. Very well done. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:10, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Cav the Elder:
 * 8) * Intro: The Elders were making the tactical error of refueling all of their fighters—which were their primary advantage in the war—at the same time, and when the Young noticed this, Obi-Wan Kenobi—one of the Young's leaders—came up with a plan to eliminate this advantage and possibly win the war. Multiple use of dash quantifiers in one sentence. Please remove one, or break up and reword the sentence as necessary.
 * 9) **Changed one to commas. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * For centuries, the planet of Melida/Daan had been locked in a civil war as the two native tribes—the Melida and the Daan—fought over years-old grudges. Is there any background to these grudges? Also, using the term "years-old" when you refered to it as "centuries" at the start of the sentence doesn't sit quite right.
 * 11) **In-universe, no one remembers what the original issue was that started the whole thing, but by this time, the "grudge" over which they were fighting was usually a relatively recent battle won by the opposing tribe, so it is correct as written. As far as giving background on the grudges, IMO to explain it would be a lot of extra detail that isn't necessary&mdash;all the reader needs to know is that they've been fighting for centuries over nothing but old grudges. However, I can reword and/or elaborate if you still want. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * The Young - who are they exactly? Are they children from one tribe or the other, or a combination of both?
 * 13) **Both tribes. Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * How did the Young capture the tribe's weapons?
 * 15) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Why exactly did Kenobi leave the Order the fight for The Young?
 * 17) **Already stated: "to join the fight." Specifically, he felt that the Young's cause was greater than that of the Jedi, and thus decided to stay and join the fight. Again, however, IMO it's really not necessary to explain further for purposes of this article, but I can if you want. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Please do. It's important to understand his reasoning. Don't assume that the reader knows everything, or is familiar with the books these events appear in. I for one have never read them. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:48, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Explained. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:11, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * The quote you have in article implies that the Young contacted the Middle Generation for their support after the raid. However, the article text implies that the Middle Generation joined them of their own accord. Please amend the article to reflect the Young making contact.
 * 21) **Adjusted. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Why did Jinn stop the fighting? Why was he there?
 * 23) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * No mention in the CSWE under any of the individual participants entries? - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:43, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Though the war itself is mentioned in multiple entries, the CSWE contains absolutely no mention of this particular battle, not even in Roenni's entry. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Attack of the Clone
 * 27) * Can you try to trim down the intro just a tad? It's a bit disproportionate to the article itself.
 * 28) **Trimmed off some excess detail. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * "However, the two tribes joined forces as the Elders and retaliated": can you check this? It sounds like something's missing after "and", or that the "and" simply shouldn't be in there.
 * 30) **It's correct as written. "The two tribes" did two things: they A) "joined forces as the Elders" and B) "retaliated". &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Oops, didn't see that; thanks for clarifying.  CC7567  (talk) 04:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Can it be mentioned a little earlier that the Elders had five starfighters? "Hidden starfighters" isn't very specific, and I don't see much reason of mentioning the crucial fact of the number of fighters later.
 * 33) **It's stated as early as I can state it. The Defenders of the Dead stops just after the opening battle has begun without stating the number of fighters, and The Uncertain Path starts 14 days later, so we don't know exactly what happened in between books. It's very possible they may have had more than (or fewer than) five during the opening battle; all we know for sure is that they had five immediately prior to this attack. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * "This worked for the first three": first three what? Starfighters? Young? Elders?
 * 35) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * "and Kenobi moved to compensate": compensate what/for what?
 * 37) **Clarified. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "the strike team bolted for the shaft they had entered the hangar through": I know that this is somewhat grammatically correct, but the placement of "through" is rather awkward; can you try to reword it?
 * 39) **Reworded. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * What exactly was the point of the attack; was it to convince the Middle Generations to ally themselves with the Young? If that was the case, please try to mention it in the prelude instead of all the way down in the aftermath.
 * 41) **The source strongly suggests that possibility with the wording, but it's never explicitly stated and would therefore qualify as OR. The only "point" explicitly stated is to eliminate the Elders' starfighter advantage. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * Is the recap of the end of the war completely necessary to the aftermath of the attack itself?  CC7567  (talk) 00:14, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **Not necessarily, but it's there for two specific reasons. First, the prelude states that the Young's original goal was peace, and I wanted to show the reader how peace was finally reached; otherwise the reader might get the wrong idea that this attack and the end of the war brought peace once and for all. Second, the aftermath section is a little on the small side anyway due to not much information being available, and eliminating that information would shorten it even more. And just to clarify, the Last Battle of Zehava wasn't really part of the Young-Elders War itself as was incorrectly stated in its article; it was actually a standalone battle not technically part of any specific conflict. The war itself ended with this attack. I'll fix that article now. Thanks for the review. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Fair enough, I guess.  CC7567  (talk) 04:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Context for the Young and the Elders in the intro, please. And especially for the Middle Generation. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:10, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) *IMO, the names themselves are self-contextualizing. The Young and the Elders are clearly identified as the two factions in the war, and their names provide a good idea of what kind of people make up each faction; identifying the Elders as being made up of the two native tribes really is relevant only to the early part of the prelude section and not the intro, which sums up only the attack itself and the immediately surrounding events. Likewise, the fact that the Young are made up of children is heavily implied by their name, and there's nothing else I can say with getting into the detail of the two native tribes again. As far as the Middle Generation, hardly any canonical information exists on them, and what little context I could provide is again either redundant given the name, or it would be detail irrelevant to the intro. I can try to work some context in if you still want it, but it seems unnecessary to me. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:41, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 848 words at the time of nomination. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Donni Bratz

 * Nominated by:  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk  11:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Had started working on this article a few months ago, now it's finished.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:05, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 19:58, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ToRsO bOy 16:38, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "Yoda made him forget that he was stealing the drink.": It might be a good idea to mention that Yoda used a mind trick to do this, because it's slightly unclear as written.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * In the intro, you say that Yoda stole the drink, but in the bio, you say only that Yoda "tried to" steal it, implying that he was unsuccessful. Which is correct?
 * 5) **Clarified
 * 6) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:07, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review, Jonathan. Let me know if further work is needed.  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk  19:21, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Attack of the Clone
 * 9) * In the intro, you say that they intended to play Wookiee Warpath; however, it's slightly unclear if they actually did. Please clarify.
 * 10) **Addressed
 * 11) * Was "the best big brother a guy could have" quoted directly from the book? If so, then the end quotation needs to be after the period of the sentence. I'm asking because I don't know which one is correct.  CC7567  (talk) 00:18, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Yes, it's directly quoted. I hope I've addressed this, but since I'm not too familiar with the English citation rules (to be honest, I'm not even familiar with the German citation rules, and that's my native language :P), it might still be wrong. Thank you for the review, CC7567, and please let me know if there are any further objections.  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk  19:55, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***No, it's fine now.  CC7567  (talk) 19:58, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) After a small copyedit…
 * 15) *Context on the Reasonable Doubt in the intro.
 * 16) *Vary synonyms for “turn” in the intro please.
 * 17) *Is “the” Jedi Master, in reference to Yoda, really needed?
 * 18) *Is it stated how he violated his brother’s authority?
 * 19) *Vary synonyms involving the word “cruise” in bio.
 * 20) *Is there a reason stated as to why Yoda got involved?
 * 21) *“On one hand”, in the P&T, is rather colloquial. Perhaps “although” or something would be better.
 * 22) *“Also” doesn’t really fit in where it is. Try changing the word.
 * 23) *“The experience he had when violating his authority” is way too clunky. Reword.
 * 24) *Well done so far, Pranay. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:32, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Many thanks to Master Jonathan for copy-editing the article. No better quotes available.  Pranay Sobusk  ~  Talk  11:45, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Battle of unidentified planet (shielded city)

 * Nominated by:  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:42, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wrote this one a while back, thought I'd give it a GA makeover.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:32, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Actaully, no, you were my second, so be slightly less honored. :P Kilson Likes PIE 12:31, 28 June 09 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 05:15, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:20, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Before anything else, can you please try to check the length of the intro against the rest of the article? Right now, they seem to be about the same size.  CC7567  (talk) 23:46, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Trimmed some of the fat off, as it were, while still trying to fully summarize the article. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:56, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Kilson's back to reviewing (unfortunately for you guys)
 * 4) * I agree with CC, the intro is way to long. The second paragraph really doesn't have anything to do with the battle itself, just what happens after words. You could shorten the intro up to three or four sentances.
 * 5) * You should add Low Altitude Assault Transport/infantry to the inforbox's strength section if they trully did participate in the battle like the article says.
 * 6) **Done. I was mistaken. Removed LAAT/i gunships and re-added HAV-5s. Also made some minor factual corrections about the conclusion of the battle and aftermath. Oh, and to preempt a potential objection, I didn't put the Acclamators and Venators in the infobox because they only show up as they are departing, so they weren't really a strength of the battle. More like they were just there to pick them up. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:44, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *Other than that, looks fine. Nice job. Kilson Likes PIE 00:12, 26 June 09 (UTC)
 * 8) **Am I your first review back? I'm honored. :) -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:44, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) From the Council Chambers:
 * 10) * "High Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker": Anakin wasn't a High Jedi General yet, just a Jedi General.
 * 11) **I changed it. But I'm curious how you know this? Thanks to a really screwed up Clone Wars timeline, we don't really know when this battle occurred. I therefore put him as a High General because he's not listed on the Jedi General page except as a High General. *shrug* Is there any source that states clearly "Anakin was a Jedi General from ___ to ___BBY and ascended to High General in ___ABY"? -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:14, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***A High Jedi General was a member of the Jedi Council, and Anakin didn't become a member of the Council until partway through ROTS. the Jedi General page lists characters only by the highest rank they attained. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:32, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Other than that, looks good. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:31, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks for the review, and the copyedit as well. :) -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:15, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Attack of the Clone
 * 16) * Can you try only bolding "battle" instead of "on an unidentified planet" as well? Per a CT that I'm having trouble finding, the less links that are in the bolded name, the better.
 * 17) **The planet is linked to in the infobox and the beginning of the body (not really fond of the article anyway), so I left it bolded but removed the link in the intro. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Nevertheless, it would be better to keep the link to the planet in the intro but simply move it. You can try rephrasing like "a city on the planet" and link it there or something, but it would be preferable if the link is still present in the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 03:41, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Done -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:46, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Is the aftermath of the battle really necessary to the intro?
 * 21) **Gone -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * Can you get the date in the body of the article as well? Also, are you sure it's referenceable to the CW episode?
 * 23) **Added and referenced. Leeland Chee confirms the Battle of Nelvaan takes place partially concurrently with the Battle of Coruscant. This particular battle immediately precedes the Battle of Nelvaan, therefore it is also in 19 BBY. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * Is Skywalker's lunch really necessary? This article is about the battle, and while I understand that the siege was prolonged, I'd like to hear your reasoning for this.
 * 25) **I find it necessary, because where he got the "meal" directly ties into the way the Jedi were able to infiltrate the city, thereby bringing down the shield, allowing the Republic forces to swarm the city leading to a Republic victory. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) * What kind of explosives were used? If it's known, please link appropriately.
 * 27) **Unknown. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Can you please find a better image caption instead of the nondescriptive "Attacking the city", which lacks a sentence subject?
 * 29) **Done -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * Was it Acclamator I or Acclamator II that prepared to depart the planet? Again, I'm asking because it needs to be linked accordingly, instead of to a disambig page.
 * 31) **There is no way to know, based on the brief appearance in the episode, hence why I just list them as Acclamator-class. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Also, for the Acclamators and Venators, did they arrive to pick Kenobi and Skywalker up, or did the Jedi arrive on the planet using the Star Destroyers? If it was the latter, it needs to be mentioned that they used them to arrive, and they need to be listed in the infobox under "forces". I know that you mentioned it to Kilson earlier, but it's still not very clear.  CC7567  (talk) 00:43, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) **Again, there is no way to know based on the appearance in the episode being limited to the very end of the battle only, that lends to the theory that they were there to pick them up. As they had been there a month already, if the Venators and Acclamators had been there the whole time, they would have been utilized to bombard the shield from orbit. Since they were not, we can only surmise that the Republic forces were dropped off for an extended campaign, then picked up again when the battle was over. I had to leave their presence vague in the article, because putting anything more that I already have would be speculation. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 03:37, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) * Even though this has been in debate recently, I feel the need to cite the CT on using clone designations instead of nicknames and its reinforcement. This hasn't been enforced lately, but it's still prominent. Since there's only one clone trooper that's named (and who subsequently has a known designation), this shouldn't be a problem.  CC7567  (talk) 03:50, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) **That particular CT is in regards to the names of the character's articles, not the use in another article. Cody is what he is most commonly known by, that is the only name by which Obi-Wan refers to him. His CC-designation is shown in the infobox and in the intro now. I don't believe there is a precedent for only using a clones numerical designation throughout an article for GAN or FAN. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 04:43, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ***No, it applies both to the naming of characters and usage in other articles. What you've done is fine, but please keep that in mind. While there isn't a directly defined precedent, the designations still need to be used if they're known.  CC7567  (talk) 05:15, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) "The battle" is far too play-by-play. Summarize more, please. Furthermore, the BtS note about the reference quote belongs in the article for the episode, not the battle. Finally, and this is just a reminder, statements like "unidentified" and "unknown" are OOU and inadmissible in the articles.  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:58, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *Trimmed as much as I feel I can without the article suffering too little information. Removed BTS reference quote. Reminder duly noted. Thanks for the review. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 02:25, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * As there is only one appearance, I did no ref tagging on the article. If that's an issue, I'll add them. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 23:42, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Tarkov

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 9:40, 28 June 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Weird, two Clone Wars Chapter 22 noms back-to-back. :P

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job :P. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:05, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good after a copyedit. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 01:28, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Jujiggum attacks the PIE
 * 2) * "In 19 BBY, during the Clone Wars, Tarkov took his son Jaccoba hunting when they stumbled upon a large Separatist invasion army." This reads rather awkwardly, please rephrase.
 * 3) * I'd change around the first sentence of the bio a bit; it's too similar to the first sentence of the intro. (Or you can change the intro sentence)
 * 4) * The second half of the first paragraph of the bio is a little too play-by-play; maybe cut it down a bit. (Not too much, just a little)
 * 5) * In the second paragraph of the bio you use "nearby" twice in the same sentence. Please change one of them.
 * 6) * "Tarkov was curious, wanting to find out why a supposed "plant" would be making metalic sounds after Jaccob's spear hit the disguised MTT." This is a little awkward/colloquial, please rephrase.
 * 7) * In the BTS: it is unclear whether this episode, or the whole series, originally aired on March 22.
 * 8) * "...and what happened to him after his brief appearance..." "What happened to him" is a little colloquial; could it be changed?
 * 9) *Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:19, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) **How dare you attack the PIE. :P All of your objections are addressed, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 15:56, 28 June 09 (UTC)
 * 11) Attack of the Clone
 * 12) * Can you try and crop the infobox image so that it's only Tarkov? It's slightly misleading.
 * 13) *Specifically where in the DVD was Tarkov's namesake identified? Please be more specific.  CC7567  (talk) 00:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) Just a few.
 * 15) *It's almost the same as Jaccoba; this isn't a major objection, and if you're majorly opposed to it then that's alright, but couldn't you perhaps vary it a bit in relations to his son's article?
 * 16) *Did he act in a protective way to his son? That could be added to the P&T.
 * 17) *Otherwise, good. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:16, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm assuming that no appropriate quotes are available.  CC7567  (talk) 00:48, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Not really, unless you want some growls. Kilson Likes PIE 18:05, 04 July 09 (UTC)

Jaccoba

 * Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 06:30, 30 July 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Goes along with my Tarkov nom.

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) After a copy-edit. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:55, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good after a small copyedit. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:37, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:24, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Can you specify exactly where in the DVD Jaccoba's name origin was revealed?  CC7567  (talk) 00:52, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Objection time.
 * 3) *“…was a Wookiee boy” – I’d like to see this replaced with “was a young Wookiee male”, to make it more encyclopaedic when referring to the sexes like this.
 * 4) *Context on grantaloupe in the intro.
 * 5) *Same as first objection in first paragraph of biography.
 * 6) *Same as second objection but in first paragraph of biography.
 * 7) *More variation between the introduction and biography; I’m noticing several phrases repeated. No major changes needed, just a few variations of synonyms and the likes.
 * 8) *This isn’t so much an objection as a question; could the P&T be expanded a tad to include such things as what he wore, his relation with his father? I’ve not seen the sources in question.
 * 9) *That’s all for now. Otherwise, well done Kilson. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  20:10, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of unidentified planet (Skywalker and Tano)

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 20:43, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: So much for a story arc without "unexpected, minor battles that aren't even named properly".

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Short and sweet.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 10:51, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:14, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Great work, CC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 03:05, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Just one: both images have a speech bubble that is cut off, and according to our image policy, the text in those two bubbles must be removed. The intact bubbles should retain the text inside.
 * 3) **...Addressed. You're probably going to have to reset your cache to see it.  CC7567  (talk) 05:27, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Not quite. You removed the text from all of the bubbles; only the two that were cut off (the one in the upper left of each image) should have the text removed. The bubbles that are fully intact must retain the text inside per policy. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:37, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Addressed after IRC discussion. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:14, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *Otherwise, good job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:07, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Soresu
 * 8) * These aren't objections as such, but I'm inquiring about the capitalisation of viceroy and clone captain in the article. The viceroy seems to refer specifically to Gunray. Clone Captain seems to be capitalised, but its article isn't. You've also written clone sergeant in lower case. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:56, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **It depends how they're being used. If it's being used to address someone, then yes, it's "Viceroy Gunray" and "Clone Captain Rex". However, if it's referred to simply as a subject without being addressed by name, it's simply "captain", "viceroy" or "sergeant" without capitalization. I have to admit, though, the Wook isn't consistent with it.  CC7567  (talk) 02:59, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) How you get these crappy little articles up to 250 words I'll never know. One thing, you should call Gunray a Neimoidian when you first mention him, because you later say, "...the Neimoidian would not last long under Jedi interrogation..." Even though most people would know Gunray's a Neimoidian, some might not. Kilson Likes PIE 02:37, 06 July 09 (UTC)
 * 11) *I don't believe that's necessary; it would be too much context for Gunray at once, and it's already heavily implied with the way Neimoidian is used.  CC7567  (talk) 06:24, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **That Gunray is Neimoidian is movie canon. I think we can assume knowledge of movie canon in our readers. Also, it's pretty much irrelevant that he's Neimoidian to begin with, so maybe that could just be dropped. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:40, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) Content of the Aftermath section seems largely irrelevant to the battle itself. In all honesty, I believe it should go, but I can live with it being pared down considerably. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:40, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) *Addressed; thanks, Grae. Please let me know if more is necessary.  CC7567  (talk) 04:02, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 22:11, 30 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 22:47, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Shouldn't the name of the article be Battle of unidentified planet (Clone Wars) instead of Skywalker and Tano? :P <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * No, because it already exists and because of the others that appeared in CW Chapter 1.  CC7567  (talk) 22:39, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) **I see. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Exodeenian

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 07:31, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(1 ACs/5 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:20, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:22, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 03:55, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Looks good! ~ SavageBob 06:24, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:33, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Very good attempt to deal with an obscure topic. Andykatib 21:47, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Just one: The capitalisation of Senate is inconsistent; I believe it us usually capitalised. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:55, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Should be fixed now. Thanks for the review. --Eyrezer 09:17, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Farlstendoiro, with more suggestions than objections
 * 5) * Which one is the "first arm" in a six-armed species? Is that Exodeenian nomenclature? (If so, it should be specified: "what the Exodeenians called first arm").
 * 6) **Unfortunately, there is no info provided as to what first and second arms might mean. Given that, I think it works ok the way it is now.
 * 7) * When you say "Some non-Exodeenians were familiar with this etiquette", do you mean that most non-Exodeenians were not familiar? Or we don't have this information?
 * 8) **Yes, it's implied that most would not be familiar with it. Leia Organa is "astonished" to see that Meido is familiar with their etiquette.
 * 9) * Suggestion: 2 paragraphs in society and culture; the pasta thing is not related with their arm-based protocol.
 * 10) **Done
 * 11) * despite having worked for the Empire, albeit in a minor position. It's hard to follow the paragraph of this sentence; what do you think about simply removing "albeit."
 * 12) **I've reworded it a bit.
 * 13) * However, the vote never occurred as Organa Solo resigned from her post after being personally threatened by Kueller, a former Jedi-trainee and the ruler of Almania, who claimed responsibility for the Senate bombing. Could you please re-order this paragraph chronologically? Something like: Soon afterwards, Kueller, a former Jedi-trainee and ruler of Almania, claimed responsability for the Senate bombings and personally threatened Organa Solo; as a consequence of that, Organa Solo resigned from her post before the vote could take place.
 * 14) **Reworded as per your suggestion.
 * 15) * --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:14, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) The Jedi Council administers a lie detector test:
 * 17) *All of these objections concern the first paragraph of the History section:
 * 18) * The fight was on Muunilinst, not Mygeeto.
 * 19) * It was not in a bar, it was in a tent where the Podracers and their crew members hung out.
 * 20) * The Sneevels were only random participants in the brawl; the instigator was primarily a Phlog named Haari Ikreme Beeerd (who doesn't have an article yet). Beeerd was backed up in the taunts by an unidentified Glymphid and an unidentified Nuknog.
 * 21) *Otherwise, it looks good. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:30, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Much appreciated for the correction, Master Jonathon. How does it look now? --Eyrezer 03:04, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of unidentified planet (Yoda's chaingun)
> QuiGonJinn (Talk) 15:49, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: So much for a battle. Thanks to CC for pointing this out in the comments to his nom:P

(3 ACs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 11:45, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The name is enough to get anyone to look at this! NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 15:04, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:27, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Object > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 20:31, 3 July 2009 (UTC) > QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:36, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Can you try to get a better name for the article? Per Anakin and Obi-Wan, clones surrender, Luminara and Barriss, Yoda's charge, enslaved species, and shielded city, the current name is a bit unspecific. Yes, I do know that it took place during the Clone Wars, but so obviously did many other battles. Perhaps "Battle of unidentified planet (Yoda's chaingun)" or something similar?
 * 3) **I was thinking about that, but decided to wait for some feedback. Now moved to (Yoda's chaingun).
 * 4) * Can the "Unidentified planet (A Stranger in Town)" be moved to something with an in-universe title?
 * 5) **Likewise, the planet is moved to (Yoda's chaingun) per Unidentified planet (Anakin and Obi-Wan).
 * 6) * Are you sure that A Stranger in Town is a source for the infobox info such as the previous and next battles, as well as the date?
 * 7) **A Stranger in Town is not a source by itself, but CW Adventures: Volume 3 is. However, I have no problem with referencing the article if you want me to.
 * 8) ***I have to give it a bit of thought, but I'll get back to you on this.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ****I guess it's fine the way it is.  CC7567  (talk) 23:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "telling about the approaching Separatist army": telling who? Or was he just telling the entire cantina?
 * 11) **Yeah, he just ran into the cantina, screaming about the army.
 * 12) ***Can you still try to reword it, though? In the way you're using it, "telling" requires a direct object for it to work.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Addressed, I guess. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) *That's all I have for now; I'll give it another look once these are taken care of.  CC7567  (talk) 05:02, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) To be honest, I don't think this article warrents an Aftermath section. There is so little information in it, it may as well me tacked on to the end of the previous paragraph. Apart from that, no problems. --Eyrezer 11:01, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *Addressed. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments

Karn Valanti

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:56, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Omen nom number 2

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice work, Jon.  CC7567  (talk) 22:31, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:23, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ToRsO bOy 06:52, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Jon, if you weren't here, who would write Fates incredibly minor characters. :P Kilson Likes PIE' 02:53, 06 July 09 (UTC)
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:15, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Battle of Florrum

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 07:14, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Supposedly part of some web comic story arc, but the next issue hasn't been released in weeks, and frankly, I'm getting bored of waiting.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 23:11, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Great work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:28, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Part 2 will be released someday hopefully 9_9 <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:36, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Gavar Khai

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:59, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Omen wave continues

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice job, Juicy. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:32, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 18:51, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ToRsO bOy 10:05, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:47, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * Seeing as this is such a short article, I think you should include details of the one scene he appears in. If I recall correctly, the slave helping Vestara get ready in that scene is afraid of Gavar - info that needs to be mentioned. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:54, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Addressed. I can't find where it says that Murra was afraid of Gavar, but if you can find it, let me know, and I'll add that as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:25, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***My mistake; it wasn't fear, it was confusion. ("The last thing Vestara saw before the door shut was Muura looking at her master with a confused expression on her face.") Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:32, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Getting my feet wet:
 * 6) * Context on Lady Rhea. --ToRsO bOy 06:46, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Lady is the context :P. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 09:06, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***And here I thought it was just one link.--ToRsO bOy 10:05, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Darish Vol

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:58, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Minor Tribe character, courtesy of Omen & WP:LE

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 23:14, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Very nice, Jon.  CC7567  (talk) 21:17, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) The Lost Tribe of the Sith is the new Hidden Ones. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:12, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) The Omen wave continues :P <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) This Jon fella's going places.  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:35, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:40, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I think the Sith armada - especially its goal - should be mentioned in the intro. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:38, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:09, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) From the Council Chambers:
 * 4) * "Vol believed that it was an unusual way to pick an apprentice": Most of this is directly quoted from the lead quote. Can you paraphrase it?
 * 5) **Tweaked. Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:03, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *And that's it. Great job as usual. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:57, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Dolandu

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 03:03, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: D is for Dolandu

(0 ACs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Everything looks good! ~ SavageBob 23:38, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 03:02, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:16, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Just a few.
 * 2) * "The residents of Stomorr were attacked by forces under the control of some Dark Jedi who sought to kill the Jedi Master Niquon" - "Some" Dark Jedi is a little colloquial, and doesn't flow so well; could this be changed, please?
 * 3) **Changed a little. Unfortunately, the Dark Jedi are never seen on Skolokor and their numbers never specified.
 * 4) * "a colorful and cozy trading center" - Is that stated in the source? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with it but, if not, cozy's POV and colloquial.
 * 5) **Colorful and cozy is how the source describes it.
 * 6) * "with flagstone paved streets and some statues." - Same as objection one.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * Could the second reference idea perhaps be placed in the BtS instead?
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) *Otherwise, good work. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:38, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review. --Eyrezer 21:40, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Any time. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:16, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) The Grand Master
 * 14) * Intro: Why did they want to kill Niquon? Also, I assume Niquon was one of the Jedi who lived near the settlement, but could this be clarified?
 * 15) **Because they were Dark Jedi? :P There is no motivation given for why they want to kill him. Changed the intro around for the second bit.
 * 16) * History: "...it was capable of injecting lethal poison." Into what/whom? Did the droid already do this, because the next sentence makes it seem so. This is rather vague.
 * 17) **Yeah, the source is pretty vague. All the info provided can be seen in the quote at the start of that section.
 * 18) * By "droid fighers", do you mean a form of battle droid? Because if so, it should link to that article.
 * 19) **I added the link. I hadn't done so because it evokes the Trade Fed droids for me.
 * 20) * Shouldn't the alternate paths be noted in the BTS?
 * 21) **Done
 * 22) * Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:22, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review. --Eyrezer 02:49, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Worrite

 * Nominated by: --~ SavageBob 04:22, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And W is for Worrite...

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) W is for vote. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:57, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 04:33, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Objections.
 * 2) *“Dominated”, where it is now, doesn’t make much sense/isn’t the best word choice, and should be changed.
 * 3) **I changed this. Are you OK with the new version? ~ SavageBob 00:57, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * Second paragraph of intro; why’s it notable that he left his homeworld? Was it just that they didn’t travel much, or what?
 * 5) * “Frightening” is POV; who saw him as “frightening”?
 * 6) **The original source says, "He has made a living as a freelance thug-for-hire, a profession where his frightening appearance is a considerable asset." I'm not sure how else to express it. Ideas? ~ SavageBob 13:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *If that's in the source then it's fine. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:23, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *In “Appearance and biology”, roughly equal proportion, as not a definite fact, is unneeded.
 * 9) **Why not? "Roughly equal" provides information that removing the line would not, and more information is better than no information in my opinion. ~ SavageBob 13:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *It's not majorly encyclopedic and isn't a definite fact, making it unneeded. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:23, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Sorry, I disagree. It's more information than it would be to take it out, so I'd like to keep it. I mean, if they were "roughly" 2/3 insect and 1/3 crustacean, that would be different than being roughly equal parts one and the other, right? ~ SavageBob 00:57, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * “Bumpy”, in same section, is way too colloquial.
 * 13) * “In one member of the species, the carapace was colored dark red” – Was this something that was just a normal color, was this unusual or what? Elaborate, please.
 * 14) **Well, we only know of one member of the species, and he had a "blood red" carapace. However, I'm uncomfortable generalizing that all Worrites are blood red from one specimen. It's no more appropriate than concluding that all Humans are brown-skinned based on Lando Calrissian's appearance. Thus the extra wording. ~ SavageBob 13:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * “They had four arms. Two of these, held close to the body, were small and capable of fine manipulation.” – Could you reword? It doesn’t flow well in the current way.
 * 16) * “Closed, these claws were deadly bludgeoning weapons, but when used as pincers, they could easily sever the limbs of most humanoid species.” – Just a bit of a run on.
 * 17) * “Quite tall” is too colloquial.
 * 18) * Please go through the article and see if you can add any more links; stuff like the sexes needs to be linked to.
 * 19) * “At some point before 3 ABY,[ a Worrite named Mazumoda, made it off his homeworld and to the galactic capital, Coruscant.” Kill some of the extra commas. The one after “Mazumoda”, for instance, is unneeded.
 * 20) *“He found a niche” is, once again, colloquial.
 * 21) **I disagree; no dictionary I've consulted lists niche as colloquial. ~ SavageBob 13:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) *That's because the dictionary would be seeing it more as a hole or opening, not in the sense you're using it. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:23, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **I checked again, and it's a perfectly fine use of the word. Check out Merriam-Webster (definition 2a) or American Heritage (definition 2). ~ SavageBob 00:57, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * “Bookie” is too colloquial.
 * 25) * In the BtS: “The book provides no statistics for the Worrites in general, however, so the species is not available for players to use for their own characters.” – Cut the “however”, or put it at the beginning of the sentence.
 * 26) *Not bad, otherwise. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  07:53, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **Thanks for the detailed notes! I've tried to address everything you mentioned except for things I've commented on individually above. Let me know what you think! ~ SavageBob 13:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) Responded to the points above, and another passing one...
 * 29) *Reference two; no need for all the words, give a single source. If someone asks, as long as you can justify, it's fine. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:23, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **I disagree; I've used some disparate information in the source to make the time designation, and I think it's important to point out how I came to that conclusion. ~ SavageBob 00:57, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) There seems to be quite a deviation from the Layout Guide for sentient species articles. Please adhere to the current policy, which states that the "[species] in the galaxy" section maybe merged into the above sections, but does not mention further merging. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:37, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *I think there should be room for judgement, but I've asked the opinion of the other Aliens project members about this. ~ SavageBob 00:57, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * OK, as much as I hate one-paragraph sections, I've changed this to adhere to the Layout Guide. I'll try to formulate a Consensus Track sometime soon about this kind of thing, but for now, we should adhere to the Layout Guide. What do you think? ~ SavageBob 23:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Oodoc

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 11:23, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: And Oodoc is for Orenth...

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) As Frank Oz used to sing: Orenth is for Oodoc, that's good enough for me... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:54, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  12:31, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Some singular/plural tweaks and we're done.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:01, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:21, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Farl gives just one: "known for their size". What size? Very big, very small? Could you say "for their big size", "great size" or anything? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:35, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I added imposing. --Eyrezer 11:46, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) *Is it necessary to spell out the singular form in the intro? Oodoc/Oodocs would be the expected English (er, Basic) plural.
 * 3) **Fair enough call.
 * 4) *There are three sources listed from which no information seems to have been taken. Is there nothing to add from them? Might this be mentioned in BTS if so?
 * 5) **The three sources are pretty much identical.
 * 6) *Looks good otherwise. ~ SavageBob 06:34, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Brullian Dyll

 * Nominated by: - —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:54, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: If music be the food of love, GAN.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:14, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:20, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Great work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 03:12, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:43, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:28, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "in order that it could be distributed once again to the galaxy": it's either "in order to" or "in order for", not "in order that"; please try to reword or replace it.
 * 3) **changed it to "so that"...not sure what I was thinking.
 * 4) * "the nature of whose work was deemed to be a threat": not flowing very well, and it's not making much sense; please try to reword.
 * 5) **Sloppy as. Reworded.
 * 6) *I don't get the tagline. :P  CC7567  (talk) 23:16, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **It's a Shakespeare quotation from Twelfth Night &mdash; "If music be the food of love, play on." :) - —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:01, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Figures; I don't often read much Shakespeare. :P  CC7567  (talk) 23:14, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Janet Lalasha

 * Nominated by: -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:54, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Please don't stop the music.

(5 ACs/3 Users/8 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:16, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:17, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 03:04, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 03:17, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * La, la, la... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:49, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) From the golden age of SW canon. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:51, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:44, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) As if it's necessary for me to add this vote. :P Good job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:32, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Same "in order that" problem as with Brullian Dyll; the phrase isn't grammatically correct and doesn't flow well.
 * 3) **Same lack of an excuse...reworded.
 * 4) *Understand the tagline this time, but hate the reference.  CC7567  (talk) 23:22, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **I was digging deep for music references here. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:01, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * CUSWE says she was a Fizz player. I presume this is incorrect on its part. --Eyrezer 03:04, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Ouch. I think I rushed these articles a bit. Empire Blues says " [ Doikk Na'ts] plays the Fizzz as well as Janet Lalasha ever did." Well at least you spotted it! I've referred to it as the Dorenian Beshniquel in this article. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 09:46, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I've changed the infobox's reference to the "Dark Times" to simply "reign of the Galactic Empire," for clarity and since I'm not sure "Dark Times" is an actual official time period, if you understand my meaning. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:51, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Sure thing, sounds like a good change. And I know what you mean about the "Golden Age"; I love The Last One Standing so much because of the mixture of in-universe and OOU nostalgia! Thanks for all the speedy reviews guys. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 22:30, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Dembaline

 * Nominated by: -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:54, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The music keeps on going on and on.

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 23:17, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:11, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 11:35, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Great job on a rather obscure character. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 04:41, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:35, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) "who produced her most recognizable work": I thought her gender was unspecified? It's close to , but I'm asking because it's going to need rewording.  CC7567  (talk) 23:29, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yeah it is, I must have just wished for her to be a female. Reworded. Thanks for all three reviews, CC, much appreciated. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:01, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) It's too clean!  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:11, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Dembaline is given as a female Mon Calamari name in the Galactic Campaign Guide. While I think there is a case for using this as a source for this individual being a female, at the least, this should be mentioned in the Bts as the likely gender for the composer. --Eyrezer 02:59, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Thanks Ey, I added it to the BtS. Considering GCG was released four years after Vector Prime it's pretty much confirmation that Dembaline was female, but we never know I guess. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 10:27, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Unidentified bounty hunter (Sacking of Coruscant)

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  15:22, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No quotes, so can't think of one. :/

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) All right, but I'd feel better if you added that data to the article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:51, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:42, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farl says: Excuse me but, how do you know this person is a bounty hunter? She might be a mercenary, a soldier, a thug, a bodyguard, a pilot... Probably I've just missed that reference in the video, could you humor me and pinpoint it? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:41, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Good catch, but, as Cav pointed out to me, she's wearing the armor assigned to the bounty hunter class. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  09:46, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 20:00, 7 July 2009 (UTC) Ah, missed that, cheers. -- Darth tom  <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  09:46, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * tag placed <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

KRONOS-327

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 16:36, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Much thanks to CC7567 for putting up with my requests for help.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looking good, Grand Moff.  CC7567  (talk) 21:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Great work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:34, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:46, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:51, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The first sentence of the Characteristics section could probably be worded better; the "therefore" seems rather unnecessary; and the next couple sentences are a little choppy. Great job, Tran.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:54, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Should be better now. Thanks for the review. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:58, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * If you think that the article could use another image, I can screenshot something from the movie; however, it's up to you.  CC7567  (talk) 21:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I think another image would make the article too crowded, but I appreciate the offer. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:09, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Okay; that's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 21:17, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Sith armada

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 02:50, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First fleet GAN; more Omen & LE. Note: Special thanks to Tranner and Tope for help figuring out the article's layout.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Lamest Sith armada ever to win the article name "Sith armada," however a great article.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:52, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:46, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 16:17, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Jinzler 14:51, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:18, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "With the Omen repaired, the Tribe began to capture vessels relatively intact, rather than just forage them for parts, and the fleet quickly grew." The "relatively intact" breaks up the flow a bit, as it's not entirely clear what it applies to; can you try rewording the sentence?  CC7567  (talk) 04:20, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Tweaked. Thanks for the review, CC. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 11:21, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Three of the paragraphs in the "History" section start with "In" and then a date, ie "In 41 ABY". This is a bit repetitive, so could you perhaps consider rephrasing at least one of these instances. Otherwise, a very good read. --Jinzler 16:30, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Changed the second one. Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:33, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Gerd

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:31, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A dumbass who tries to fight Darth Bane. Yeah. Not a very good idea.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 04:03, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:28, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "and the physical toil of working in the mines had turned his into a mass of hard, knotted muscle": it sounds like there's a word missing after "his"; please check.
 * 3) * "and witnessed the man's mining equipment fail": usually the direct object of "witness" is a noun, not a verb; please try to reword.
 * 4) * How exactly did Dessel/Bane "have no respect for his father?" It's slightly unclear.
 * 5) * Can you try to vary "move away"?
 * 6) * Can you also try to vary "able to return to work"?  CC7567  (talk) 03:43, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Taken care of in IRC.  CC7567  (talk) 04:03, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Hurst

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:45, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Darth Bane had daddy issues.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  14:59, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Can you try to vary "drunken rages" a bit? Currently it's used three times.
 * 3) **Varied.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 20:42, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *Otherwise very good. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:40, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Iridonian

 * Nominated by: -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  18:48, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I is for Iridonian...

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) *BTS: "Previously the term "Iridonian" was used to refer to Zabraks, but the description of their culture." Confusing to the point that it barely makes any sense. Please reword.
 * 3) *"Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian": The article uses both spellings, and it appears that "Iridonian" is correct based on statements in the BTS and on the talk page. I've fixed a couple, but you should look through the article yourself and fix the rest.
 * 4) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Iridorian" (which you use throughout the article), since "Iridonian" is used to denote Zabraks from Iridonia. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * See the BTS and the related discussion on the article's talk page. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My point still stands. "Iridorian" is still used throughout the article. Additionally, since "Iridonian" refers to a type of Zabrak, this article should include information on Iridonian Zabraks. For all we know, the being in the main image may be a Zabrak under that armor. Either way, something's just not right - and unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done short of asking Leland Chee about it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Groshik

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 20:27, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Neimoidians ahoy!

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) *"escape justice after killing a Galactic Republic ensign in self-defense": Usually, if you kill in self-defense, you're not guilty of anything, so please explain why he would have to "escape justice".
 * 3) *"visited the cantina after being suspended from the mines after biting the thumb off a miner": "After" is repetitive.
 * 4) *"He served with distinction and his Force-sensitivity was discovered, and would eventually become Darth Bane": "And" is repetitive.
 * 5) *Facepalm time: You forgot the "Notes and references" section and Reflist, which I added. :P Otherwise, good job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:41, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Wilek Nereus

 * Nominated by:Andykatib 21:02, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I hope I did enough work on it.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > JangFett  Talk 01:33, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Before anything else, sourcing is required throughout the entire article.  CC7567  (talk) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I managed to source the whole article with all the sources that I used. But, I'm not very sure if it would need a powers and abilities section. What do you think? Andykatib 21:41, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **You also need to source the infobox and the succession box at the bottom. --Eyrezer 00:58, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***You oversourced the article completely. You only source a paragraph or a sentence if it is from a different source. Otherwise, you don't source a sentence if the paragraph itself with that sentence is from the same source&mdash;you source it at the end of the paragraph.
 * 5) ***Bio- "[&hellip;]he had personally killed as trophies, and he liked to dispose those who got in his way by infecting them with various alien parasites.[3] He had several adipose louse eggs in his possession, considering the parasites to be potentially useful for disciplinary purposes. By 4 BBY, he had teeth from predators from seventeen worlds, including the Bakuran cratsch and the ketrann of Alk'lellish III. [3]" You see the two [3]? Only source if a statement comes from a different source. Otherwise, source it at the end of the paragraph, if it is from the same source. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) *His gender and species should be mentioned both in the intro and at the beginning of the bio.
 * 3) *Context needed on Bakur RepulsorCorp.
 * 4) *"Nereus's plan was to allow the Ssi-ruuk to capture Skywalker, only to have the trichoids hatch and begin multiplying and killing the Ssi-ruu went over to Skywalker's apartment near the spaceport.": This makes no sense. What are you trying to say here?
 * 5) *A large portion of the P&T appears to have simply been copied and pasted directly from the bio. Two examples: "As with many Imperial civil servants, Nereus disliked dealing with aliens on equal terms and subscribed to the views of Human High Culture prevalent throughout the Imperial bureaucracy then." and "He had several adipose louse and olabrian trichoid eggs in his possession, considering the parasites to be potentially useful for disciplinary purposes." There are numerous other instances of this; please reword all of them so as to avoid repetition.
 * 6) *The BTS needs expansion. The main thing is to include all sources and appearances (including "mention only"s), since there's not very many of them.
 * 7) *Speaking of appearances and sources, The Essential Guide to Characters is listed in the references but not under sources. Is there a reason for this?
 * 8) *Addendum to the sourcing issues above: There's no need to provide multiple references for a single peace of info. Example: "His second-in-command Thanas relinquished his Imperial rank and defected to the Alliance.[3][2][4]" Pick one of those three refs and exterminate the others. Multiple refs are only necessary if you're dealing with speculation in the BTS or for controversial issues such as the Jedi Exile's gender.
 * 9) *I'll take a closer look once these are addressed. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:30, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Dammit, I was about to say the same before CC edit conflicted me. :P I'll give it a good review tomorrow. Before I do, I'd suggest you take a look at our GA guidelines and check the article conforms to it, as you've obviously missed out the sourcing idea. Good luck with what I believe is your first GAN. :) -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg <span title="(Imperial Intelligence)" style="color:Black">(Imperial Intelligence)  21:10, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Edit conflict here too on the same issue. :P I'll give it a close look later tonight. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Muura

 * Nominated by:--Darth Niffoc 01:03, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:A pretty good article for a character who shows up for relatively ten seconds in the SW Universe.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object > JangFett  Talk 01:13, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *Expand the intro
 * 3) *"She was the attendant to Vestara Khai, the only daughter of Gavar and Lahka Khai, and would pore over making her beautiful and would praise her for her beauty even as Vestara thought her normality and plainness outshone her in that area." Run-on
 * 4) *P&T- "She was confused by the sadness in the house as Vestara left and as her father approached her to tell her she would not be needed as Vestara's attendant anymore, as Vestara would be living in the Sith Temple." Run-on
 * 5) *"Muura stood about six inches shorter than the 14 year old Vestara and had a slight lilting accent." Can you reword to make it less colloquial?
 * 6) *P&T- "She was confused by the sadness in the house as Vestara left and as her father approached her to tell her she would not be needed as Vestara's attendant anymore, as Vestara would be living in the Sith Temple." Improper English, slight run-on.
 * 7) *Can you look up a quote for her biography?
 * 8) *"Muura was seen as part of the Khai family and an equal, but a servant none the less." Improper English.
 * 9) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"

Comments