Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Duel in the Senate (Great Sith War)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Duel in the Senate (Great Sith War)

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)


 * Nomination comments: If you were to face an ancient Sith lord in combat, you would learn that we are as children playing with toys compared to the prowess of the old Masters.

(6 Inqs/0 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman ( Talk ) 12:26, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  18:53, 6 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cull Tremayne 00:04, 27 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 17:52, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 01:40, 19 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:53, 19 November 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I think the intro is far too long in comparison to the rest of the article. It's contributes almost a third of the article's overall word count. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:07, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed, I believe. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 03:54, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Honestly, I think it's quite a bit too big. I'll strike but I'd like to see others' opinions on the matter. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:50, 24 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Per Ackbar on this one. For the length of the article, the introduction is a little bit too long and encompasses a whee bit too much detail. Having read the article recently, I have no other concerns, but I'd like to see that intro trimmed down a bit more. Thoughts, Tommy?  Greyman ( Talk ) 09:12, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *Addressed. Please advise if it is still too long. Thanks for the review as well, it is always a pleasure. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 12:13, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **No problemo :) Greyman ( Talk ) 12:26, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Chack:
 * 8) * "the present Jedi Supreme Chancellor" I don't understand this. Please rephrase.
 * 9) **Addresed.
 * 10) * "such havac throughout stars that both the Jedi and the Republic were steadily confounded by defeats in battle." This leads up to such a climactic end, and then it's just "they were beat a lot". :P Seriously, it could use a wording change.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * Good article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:45, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for the review Chack. Should be good now. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:54, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Header
 * 15) * "Baas' demands that Exar Kun relinquish his contemptuous actions were quickly refused by the latter, who instead tempted Master Baas with considering a dalliance with the dark side of the Force." This is just ridiculously flowery. I'm fine with artistic wording here and there, but this is just anti-encyclopedic with the way it's worded. Referring to Baas as the latter is just a bizarre word choice and comes off confusing, as well as describing Kun's actions as "contemptuous" being pretty POV. Also..."dalliance with the dark side"? Are you serious? :P Let's get away from the King Arthur-esque wording please. This whole sentence needs to be reworded. There are a couple other times in the article where I think you're going a little too far beyond just "telling what happens on the page", but not enough to object to. Cull Tremayne 14:11, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Lol, I do admit I get a little carried away sometimes. I'll fix this I have now addressed this, but please, catch me in IRC, so you and I can go over whatever else you feel is a little extreme. I have no problems working that out as well. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 14:45, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Reads much better that way. Nice job. I'm sure I'll see you in IRC at some point, but that was really the only major objection I had. Cull Tremayne 00:04, 27 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 19) * Can the opening sentence be done so as not to have two bits in bold. It looks a little tidier. Not a biggy if you can't.
 * 20) **Eh, I'd prefer to leave it as is, if you don't mind. I'd have to do some painstaking reworking otherwise.
 * 21) ***Fair enough. Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:40, 8 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * Vodo's staff. Article worthy? If so, redlink it.
 * 23) **Lol, me and my big mouth. I'll link it and creat the article sometime soon.
 * 24) ***You'll have to, since there's now a redlink in the intro. :P Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:40, 8 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) ****Done. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Dark Side Master TotG.jpg|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 17:41, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * The last paragraph of the intro isn't really about the Senate duel and is explained later on. Lose it unless there's a good reason to keep it there.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * Wikipedia links should be avoided in IU stuff where possible. The puppet link can go and cephalopod should probably be reworded anyway, unless it's a canon description of him.
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * First paragraph of "The trial of Qel-Droma" isn't sourced. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:57, 5 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **Oops. Addressed. Appreciate the review, GT. If anything else is required, please advise. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 01:28, 6 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * Just be careful to avoid rhetorical flourishes such as this one: "dismissing his taunts each time Kun spewed one forth." Just keep to the facts themselves. --Eyrezer 01:40, 19 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Duly noted. Thanks for the reviews, Eyrezer and Culator. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Dark Side Master TotG.jpg|17px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 02:09, 19 November 2008 (UTC)