Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 6) Per AgriCorps consensus, nominators are restricted to four nominations on the GAN page at any one time. Once one nomination is removed from the page as either successful or unsuccessful, another can be added.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once a nomination has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of five AgriCorps votes with no outstanding objections before one week has passed, the nomination will be considered successful.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 2 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Saadoon-Kauldi

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:51, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: "I told you I didn't want any new Hutt crimelord for this RPG book, but that doesn't mean you are entitled to use your AD&D knowledge and create a dragon crimelord"

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Where's the intro...=P  Xd1358  Talk 13:46, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *The dragon ate it :P Seriously: Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:14, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) The Grand Master's First Look
 * 4) * The bio is extremely unwieldy; for its length it could use subsections, and, once again, why are there so many small paragraphs?
 * 5) **Tried to change bio and to mix paragraphs. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) * I'm seeing a lot of underlinking.
 * 7) **More links added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ***This remains. I'm still seeing quite a bit of underlinking, but you've now got some overlinking as well, and you've also linked to several redirects. Please try to clean these up.
 * 9) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Once again; this remains, albeit to a lesser extent. Please please please check and double-check all of your linking. You've been nominating articles for a while now, and this isn't something that I should have to reiterate. Also, was his criminal empire significant enough to deserve its own article; and why is there no article for his massacre on the slaver galleon?
 * 11) ******Tried my best. Created articles on skirmishes and his empire, even if I don't think they're significant at all. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:01, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *******Partially better, but you've still got VERY messy linking. Things should be linked once in the intro, once in the body, and (if applicable) once in the infobox. Things should only be pipelinked if necessary (i.e. officers, not officers ) and if pipelinking, make sure the first letter is capitalized (i.e. butchered the slavers, not butchered the slavers ). Also, try to avoid pipelinking to more than just a small phrase (i.e. this: dedicate all of his resources to the abduction of slaver ships is rather eccentric; it could very easily be worded differently so that the link only covers a few words). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:20, February 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ********Done all that. I admit, I didn't know some of those. Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:39, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *********Much better. I'll give the article another review soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:36, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Details have not been revealed" sounds awfully OR/speculative & OOU.
 * 16) **Details were not revealed IU; only rumors. Anyway, changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ***This still doesn't make sense. I'm not even sure that such an "unconfirmed rumor" belongs in an article.
 * 18) ****Removed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) * Also seeing some grammatical errors.
 * 20) **Hope some less now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Better, but still seeing several errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:14, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *****Much better. Still seeing a few minor errors, but most fall under so I'll strike for now and hopefully find the time to give this another full review and copyedit sometime soon.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:41, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * "and became a spice lord and a crimelord, strangely basing his power&hellip;" Strangely is way too POV.
 * 25) **Changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) *More to come. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:40, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) The Grand Master II
 * 28) * The P&T is exceptionally extensive. It needs to be cut down some.
 * 29) **Rearranged with info included in bio if possible, to avoid missing anything important. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * "intelligent, shrewd, stealthy and cultured" Does the source explicitly state these?
 * 31) **I used synonyms; he's described as: (a being of) devious cunning (=Shrewd), (with) intellectual stealth (=Intelligent + cultured + stealthy), and his RPG stats show him as a cultured person.
 * 32) ***Okay for everything except stealthy. Right now you make it sound like he was good at sneaking around, which is not what "intellectual stealth" means. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ****'Stealthy' gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 22:31, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said?" Is it known whether he actually did or not?
 * 35) **Not changed: OS says it as an unconfirmed rumor. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * "and sometimes admired as if he were a member of the Royalty." "The Royalty?" Whose royalty? There were lots of royalties in the galaxy.
 * 37) **Changed, but OS does not specify. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * "This person had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies." Who do you mean, "this person"? Kauldi or a Hutt? (Either way, "person" does not work here)
 * 39) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * "He believed in respecting the people he dealt with, even if he was in superiority of conditions." This is rather confusing. What exactly do you mean?
 * 41) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * "This gave him several satisfactions, such as the Socorran Navy offering to send their ships should he ever needed his help." How is that a "satisfaction?" Wouldn't that be more of a favor?
 * 43) **Removed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ***"This gave him several satisfactions." What do you mean? What satisfactions does this give him? It was more of the "satisfaction" that was awkwardly worded/confusing then the Navy's offer. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *****Yes, but the wording is still rather awkward. I would suggest using something other than "satisfactions;" also, does the source say "unexpected?" If not, it is OR and even somewhat POVish. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ******Anything approaching OR or POV removed, including "satisfaction". Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *******Now you've just contradicted yourself. Saying "deference was essential to his professional activities" is the opposite of what you just said: that he had no need to treat the people he dealt with with respect. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:29, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ********Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:11, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) * Does the source actually state he became "paranoid"?
 * 51) **(...) have left the crime lord more than a little paranoid. Not changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Increasingly big and more restless, Saadoon-Kauldi wanted some permanent roots as of 0 ABY." What exactly do you mean, he "wanted some permanent roots?"
 * 53) **Stability. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***It's not very clear what you mean by "stability". Stability of growth? Of living? Monetary stability? etc. Please clarify. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Try now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali and disappear inside some cave." Do you literally mean that he would "disappear?" Either way, is this sentence really significant to the P&T?
 * 57) **Sentence changed; keep bc it tells about Saadoon's mid-term goals. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * The timeline of events in the bio is very murky because you give absolutely no dates. Even if exact BBY/ABY dates aren't always known, could you at least give some relative dating throughout the article (i.e. "shortly after the outbreak of the Galactic Civil War"; "at some point prior to the Galactic Civil War"; "shortly after the destruction of the Death Star"; "around the time of&hellip" etc.)?
 * 59) **Added one date. OS is probably murky on purpose to give freedom to RPG gamemasters. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * Does the source state that the Kadri'Ra were "dragon-like"?
 * 61) **Not changed: OS compares them with the Star Dragons. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:25, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) The Grand Master III
 * 64) * Could you use something less colloquial than "up-and-comer"?
 * 65) **Done.
 * 66) * "increasing the Kadri'Ra's influence and range." Increasing his range in what?
 * 67) **Better?
 * 68) * "hired all the staff he could need, including smugglers;" First off, this doesn't fit in grammatically where you currently have it. Second, does the source say he hired "all the staff he could need?" It sounds rather hyperbolic to me.
 * 69) **Better?
 * 70) * "Saadoon-Kauldi became a prominent crime lord and reduced his public appearances." What exactly do you mean by public appearances?
 * 71) **Better?
 * 72) * "A chance to change airs" What exactly do you mean "change airs?"
 * 73) **Better?
 * 74) ***A chance to move where? This doesn't make sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****Better?--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) *****I'll strike for now, but this is really an unnecessarily lenthy heading. Try to keep it simple and accurate pertaining to the info in the section. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) * "The Empire also began to actively attempt to enslave Saadoon-Kauldi again." When did they enslave him the first time?
 * 78) **Kauldi had been a slave, but OS doesn't specify whether an Imperial slave or not. Reworded to convey that meaning. Better?
 * 79) * "began asking the Kadri'Ra for advice in his venture to expand criminal influence outside Socorro." Who does "his" refer to? Saadoon-Kauldi or Abdi-Badawzi? Also, is Abdi-Badawzi related to the Badawzis that freed Saadoon-Kauldi?
 * 80) **Changed.
 * 81) * "and discovered the Kadri'Ra's worries." What worries specifically? Why is it important that he discovered them? Did he do anything about them?
 * 82) **Better?
 * 83) * "Saadoon-Kauldi then allied with Abdi-Badawzi" You mean he hadn't already? The previous paragraph concerning them made it sound like he had: "Abdi-Badawzi added Saadoon-Kauldi to his contact network."
 * 84) **Better?
 * 85) * "Abdi-Badawzi had sent Swain to sell Saadoon-Kauldi the ship precisely for that reason: The Twi'lek wanted an important, nearby ally supporting him, because he would then obtain greater influence and could expand the borders of his criminal empire to areas where Saadoon-Kauldi could protect him." Please mention this earlier, when you introduce Swain and the ship to begin with.
 * 86) **Better?
 * 87) ***Okay, but we're still missing out on the reason Abdi-Badawzi sent Swain to sell Kauldi the ship&mdash;that he wanted Kauldi nearby. Please reorder so that this is clear. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * Is there an article for the Socorran Navy? If not, please create and link.
 * 90) **Done.
 * 91) * "As Saadoon-Kauldi became a public figure in the Socorran system, several rumors about him appeared. People said that Saadoon-Kauldi had been kidnapped from Arapia and transported as a slave, something that made him sympathetic to Socorran eyes. There were similar rumors about Abdi-Badawzi." This seems rather out of place. Also, why is it important that such rumors were formed about Abdi-Badawzi? And (in-universe) "people" typically refers humans; unless you only mean to refer to humans, please use something like "beings" or "inhabitants of Socorro"
 * 92) **Importance: Added sentence to mention that Socorrans knew him. Abdi rumors: Rmvd. People: Changed by locals.
 * 93) * Why is there so much information on Ethra Brewery in the 4th paragraph of the "Life in Socorro" section? How is this information relevant to Saadoon-Kauldi's article?
 * 94) **Rmvd.
 * 95) * "When talking to others, Saadoon-Kauldi used his native Kadri'Ra language and required a translator, commonly his indentured servant Guzald." This is very randomly placed, and does not follow the previous sentence or even the section in which it is placed at all. Why not just put this in the P&T?
 * 96) **Rmvd, as it's already in P&T
 * 97) * Random placement for this paragraph as well; it simply does not follow the previous paragraphs: "Saadoon-Kauldi was respected among criminals, and sometimes admired as if he were a King. The Hutts, who were as long-lived as the Kadri'Ra, were known to have good opinion of Saadoon-Kauldi. Saadoon-Kauldi had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies."
 * 98) **Moved to P&T. Better?
 * 99) * Could the last section of the bio be broken up into two sections perhaps? It is far longer than any of the previous sections.
 * 100) **Better?
 * 101) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali, enter some cave and vanish from public view." How is this relevant?
 * 102) **Rmvd.
 * 103) * "nineteen-year-old promise of piracy" What do you mean "promise of piracy?"
 * 104) **Changed.
 * 105) * Final paragraph of the bio: "unfortunately" is POV.
 * 106) **Rmvd.
 * 107) * "The Black Bha'lir jumped to help these people, as they were members of the Bha'lir." "Jumped" is colloquial.
 * 108) **Changed.
 * 109) *Will continue with the P&T once these are taken care of. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 02:19, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) **Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:49, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) The Grand Master Continues
 * 112) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said to?" We're not interested in what others "said." Did he or didn't he?
 * 113) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * "Many Corellian smugglers living in Socorro wanted to work for him." Any reason why?
 * 115) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) * Why do you wait until the P&T to say that he was Force-sensitive? Also, was he aware of this? Is there any particular reason he was untrained? i.e. did he not desire to be trained? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) **Not changed: OS only mentions his F-sensitiveness in RPG stats, not specifying whether he was aware of it or not. Anything beyond untrained F-sensitive would be OR. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Okay, but if it just says that he was Force-sensitive, wouldn't adding that he was untrained also be OR? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) ****No, but added a footnote explaining it. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:50, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) * Why did you add "once" here? "He had low technical abilities and was a sub-par pilot.once." Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **Uh? How did it get there? Gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:27, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * What is Saadoon-Kauldi (organization)? Is this meant to be the same thing as Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire? if not, please link it at appropriate places in the article. If it is, then please check the title (is the organization really also called "Saadoon-Kauldi?") and merge the articles and CSD one of them.
 * 123) **The text consistently says "Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire"; S-K is the person. I say, delete Saadoon-Kauldi (organization) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) ***Please make sure all information is merged; the organization page currently says that its criminal dealings included loansharking and credit laundering, which you do not mention in the criminal empire page or on Saadoon-Kauldi's page. Please verify this, and if it is true, please add it to those two pages. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:21, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) * The intro is missing plenty of important info from the bio (i.e. barely any mention of his alliance with Abdi-Badawzi, which receives prominent mentions throughout the bio, nor any mention of his support of the Rebel Alliance, etc.) Please make certain that all appropriate topics are covered in the intro
 * 127) **Better?
 * 128) ***Actually, that's a bit too much. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 129) ****Lol! Let's try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) *****This is more reasonably sized, but you still leave out plenty of information that is dominant in the bio. i.e. you don't mention the Merkel, you give no indication as to why he moved to the Socorro system, nor do you give any mention of Paulsen and co, who dominate the whole two final paragraphs of the bio; etc. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:50, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 131) ******Merkel, explicitly checked. Reasons to move to Socorro, already present. Mentions to Paulsen and other allies, checked. Intro not excessively long overall, checked. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:36, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) *******A couple things; first, by reasons to move to Socorro, I meant that it was mainly because of Abdi-Badawzi (again, this receives prominent attention in the bio, but no mention in the intro); second, in the intro, you say that Saadoon-Kauldi offered to lodge Paulsen and his allies, whereas in the body you say he only offered to lodge Ross and and Ransom. Which is correct? Also, please create an article for Izzat, now that the redlink is in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:30, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 133) ********Abdi: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 134) ********Who was lodged: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 135) ********Izzat: Stubbed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 136) * "He believed his followers would remember that gesture." Is there any further significance to this? During my copy-edit, I considered adding: "&hellip;gesture and would thus show him more loyalty." or something similar; however, as I am unfamiliar with the material, I didn't, in case the source said otherwise. If the source confirms this or gives any reason why he cared that they would remember the gesture, please add something of the like.
 * 137) **Not significant enough. Rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) * "The Twi'lek then discovered that Saadoon-Kauldi was worried about the Empire's attempts against the Kadri'Ra's freedom and decided to take measures." Decided to take measures to do what?
 * 139) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 140) ***"hopefully gaining him as a friend." Did you mean "hoping to gain him as a friend?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 141) ****Yes, Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 142) * "other unwanted situations" "Unwanted" is possibly POV. Also, like what? What other types of situations?
 * 143) **Changed. Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 144) * How was the Galactic Empire "directly responsible of the dwindling number of Kadri'Ra in Arapia?
 * 145) **OS doesn't say anything more on that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 146) * In the first paragraph of the "Tensions with the Galactic Empire" section, you say that he joined the Rebel Alliance "around this time," with around this time referring to the previously-stated date of circa 10 BBY. However, the Alliance wasn't formed until 2 BBY. Please adjust the date accordingly (i.e. say something along the lines of "sometime after 2 BBY"). But remember to source this to a source that states when the Alliance was formed.
 * 147) **Added - but he still discovered the Imperial-caused holocaust in 10 BBY per Black Sands. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 148) * "pirate Drake Paulsen lost his father and mentor Kaine Paulsen" Do you mean Kaine Paulsen died? If so, please state so explicitly, and maybe even give a bit of context as to how he died.
 * 149) **Enough? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 150) ***Yes, but you've changed the meaninng. Now you say that Drake was murdered. Which is correct? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 151) ****Name shift! Shifted again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 152) * How was Izzat "treacherous?"
 * 153) **OS doesn't specify, but rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 154) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:24, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 155) * In the intro you currently say that he moved to the Socorro system, and then became allied with Abdi-Badawzi, but this conflicts the chronology presented in the bio. Please check which is correct.
 * 156) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 157) * You have 3 conflicing statements. In the intro you say that the Empire was acting against the Kadri'Ra, and was trying to destroy the Kadri'Ra culture; in the bio you only say that they were responsible for the dwindling number of Kadri-Ra (you don't even imply whether the Empire is intending to be responsible for this or not); and in the P/T you say the Empire was specifically trying to wipe out the Kadri'Ra language.
 * 158) **Changed: Both intro and bio mention Empire against culture and after Arapia holocaust. P/T does not mention the later, because it is not relevant in that section, I think. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 159) ***"Discreting" isn't a word. Also, now you say that they promoted the holocaust of the Kadri'Ra, which changes the meaning of what you had previously stated. Before, you said that they were responsible for it, but nothing more was specified, now what you say implies that the Empire actually sponsored some other faction to eradicate the Kadri'Ra. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 160) ****"Discreting" typo fixed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 161) ****The Empire "sponsoring a holocaust" and "promoted the decimation"; used as synonyms as per Thesaurus. Empire is "responsible of several activities against the K'R", including sponsoring their holocaust and actively discrediting their culture. I think the current text is consistent in that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 162) *****Yes they're synonyms, but that doesn't mean they can always be used interchangeably. To say that they "sponsored a holocaust" means that they supplied funds or otherwise endorsed the eradication of the Kadri'Ra, but did not actually directly eradicate the species themselves. To say that they "promoted the decimation" of the Kadri'Ra means that the Empire in some way&mdash;either by funds, propaganda, using their own military forces, or in any other possible way&mdash;advocated the destruction of the Kadri'Ra. And you've already said in response to an earlier objection that the source gives no more information on how the Empire opposed the Kadri'Ra, so to say specifically that they "sponsored it" would be OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:33, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 163) ******In my previous response I meant beyond that. OS p88: "[Kauldi] deeply grieves the holocaust sponsored by the Empire that is consuming his species", but nothing more. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:34, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 164) *******Then you were incorrect in response to my objection, which asked for any more information on their opposition of the Kadri'Ra: you said the OS gave no further information. Please be more careful in your responses in the future. Either way, I still don't see how this indicates that the Empire was specifically targeting the Kadri'Ra culture as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:32, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 165) ********References to "culture" removed; Empire only goes after language after "The language of the Kadri'Ra has been long forgotten as the 'indigent dialect of an intellectually inferior species' (at least according to the Imperials writing the textbooks).". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:40, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 166) * In the intro you call Saylor Marjan a "local criminal," but this is unspecified in the bio. Remember, there should be nothing in the intro that is not covered in the article body.
 * 167) **No longer applies. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 168) * Why does Marjan in particular receive mention in the intro? Is he really that important? In the bio, he seems no more important than Ancher or Oxsor.
 * 169) **Marjan removed from intro. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 170) * "but several other underworld factions did the same, including Abdi-Badawzi, Jabba Desilijic Tiure's criminal empire, and Black Sun." Here you name two factions and one being. Please try to be consistent. Was Abdi-Badawzi his own faction, by himself? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:07, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 171) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Added GAnom template.-- RC 1138 Republic Emblem.svg hate bugs! 23:44, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

2242

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:56, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hope he has not the same grammar errors as Gwarrk

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Shorten the intro a bit.  Xd  18:47, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *I've cut some explanations. Okay? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:26, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **It's still like half of the bio. Xd  19:30, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Better? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:44, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Fett
 * 6) * Welcome back, Lee. First off, in the infobox, you cannot source "human" to the db entry. "Rise of the Empire era", "Galactic Republic" and "Grand Army of the Republic" are not properly sourced either.
 * 7) **Sourced.
 * 8) * "Green Company was ordered not to attack until their Jedi General arrived." Why were they ordered not to attack? Also, who is the Jedi General.
 * 9) **Well, it wasn't stated why they should wait and it wasn't said that the Jedi General should be Fisto.
 * 10) * Missing "around 22 BBY" in the bio. Fact tags in the bio
 * 11) **Fixed.
 * 12) * "During the Clone Wars, 2242 adopted the nickname "Cooker" for being able to consistently hit the power cells of Confederate battle droids, making them burn." This reads awkwardly; mostly the "making them burn" part.
 * 13) **Reworded.
 * 14) * "Cooker's unit, Green Company," You make it sound like Green Company belonged to Cooker, although that's false.
 * 15) **Changed.
 * 16) * "...was dispatched to protect the native Rishii and was ordered not to attack until a Jedi General arrived." Why were they ordered not to attack until a Jedi General arrived?
 * 17) **Like the one above this wasn't stated.
 * 18) ***However, the way its written seems like it might have been. It's fine now, though.
 * 19) * "Fisto asked him via comlink how he received his name." Asked who?
 * 20) ** Also do you think these sentences: "Fisto asked him via comlink how he received his name. Cooker explained it to the Jedi Master and Fisto stated that he must have been a fine shot if he could hit the droids' power cells." could be reworded and added in his P&T? I find it redunant in Cooker's bio.
 * 21) ***Fixed the first and isn't the second stated in the P&T.
 * 22) ****It is, but vaguely worded.
 * 23) * "Fisto answered that that was fine because Cooker was supposed to target him." Improper English and very confusing. Please watch your grammar. Also "target him"? You failed to mention of Fisto's plan.
 * 24) **Fixed, I believe.
 * 25) * "Cooker was shocked and told Fisto that he could not shoot at him, but the Jedi explained him that he could not deflect the shots of the Geonosians, but he could deflect Cooker's shots with his lightsaber at the Genosians." This reads very awkwardly. Please be clearer. Also, I would recommend that you rewrite this sentence and the previous sentence (which is the objection above). Make sure you explain Fisto's plan, but straight-to-the-point. The way it reads currently is too pbp.
 * 26) **Fixed, I believe.
 * 27) ***Still rather too pbp.
 * 28) ****Better?-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:54, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Fisto also told Cooker to fire continuously at his shoulder and begged him not to miss." "begged" somehow doesn't work here. Who's begging and why?
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * "Fisto then noticed the massive doors to the mines opening and hoped that this meant a surrender." Read the first part to yourself out loud. "Fisto then noticed the massive doors to the mines opening" That's improper English, and is confusing. Later, you say "hoped for a surrender". Whose surrender?
 * 32) **Fixed.
 * 33) *Overall, please watch your grammar and linking. I'm going to check the article once more after you take care of these objections.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:32, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) **Thanks for the (first?) review, Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:40, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) The Grand Master
 * 36) * Intro: context for Green Company.
 * 37) **Added.
 * 38) * Intro: "and retake the exonium mines." What exonium mines? You haven't mentioned anything about them so far.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) * Grammar issues throughout the article.
 * 41) **Fixed.
 * 42) ***Still seeing some issues; mainly just a lot of awkward wording of phrases. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:03, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Better? And I will take a good look at Flanker. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:42, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) *****Several still remain. And again, please fix these objections yourself. Relying on other users to clean up your articles means that they're the ones who are really promoting the article, not you; and it also means that you aren't learning from the objections, which is the whole point of making objections to begin with. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:25, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ******If one of twenty is not fixed by me, a other user promotes this article. Dubious. How many errors are there and where?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:11, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *******The point is that grammar is a consistent problem with your noms and you need to learn to fix it yourself, because the GAN is largely about how the article is written. If an article contains poor grammar, it can often come across as incoherent and very difficult to review, because, due to improper grammar, what you're trying to say is often ambiguous. If you leave it to another user to fix this particular objection and don't even try to do so yourself, then you are not the one who is actually writing the article; the other user is. Avoiding grammar issues&mdash;along with avoiding awkward/poor wording&mdash;are basic English skills which are expected of the nominator. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:31, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ********Changed two or three. I also found two I'm rather unsure about.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:53, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *********The two changes you made are better; a couple of very minor things remain, but I'll strike for now and give the article another rerview soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:58, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) * "The Republic forces—along with some of the Rishii warriors—then arrived and attacked the mines, forcing the remaining Geonosians to flee." So Fisto and Green Company aren't Republic forces?
 * 50) **Fixed.
 * 51) * "a retreat was ordered by the arriving Jedi Master Kit Fisto." "Arriving" is rather confusing here.
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) ***This remains in the bio. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:59, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:48, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * Lots of wording of phrases in the intro and the body is exactly the same. Please change it up a bit.
 * 56) **Changed several.
 * 57) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:13, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) **Thank you for your review Jon. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 21:30, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) The Grand Master II
 * 60) * "Adverse" doesn't really work well in the intro; please find a synonym.
 * 61) **Replaced with "vis-a-vis".
 * 62) * "Fisto revealed his plan to Cooker, which involved Cooker aiming at his shoulder and firing continuously." Does "his shoulder" refer to Cooker's shoulder or Fisto's?
 * 63) **Clarified.
 * 64) * The last couple sentences in the intro are confusing; first you say all the Geonosians had been killed, then you say the Republic forces arrived to attack the remaining Geonosian forces. Please specify that that some Geonosians were located in the canyon and others were in the mines.
 * 65) **Fixed.
 * 66) ***Please specify this beforehand. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ****Fixed.
 * 68) *****All you've done is specify it for the previous attack. Please specify that, for Fisto and Cooker's attack, some were in the canyon and some were not. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) ******Better?
 * 70) *******Grammar and over-all coherency issues here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:31, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ********Fixed.
 * 72) *********This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) **********Fixed.
 * 74) * Seeing some linking issues.
 * 75) **Fixed.
 * 76) * Link for the Geonosians' original invasion to capture the exonium mines? This and the Battle of Rishi article treat this invasion as a separate battle.
 * 77) **Linked and created.
 * 78) ***Redlink in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) ****Fixed.
 * 80) * "Cooker told the Jedi Master that he couldn't help him, because he had no line-of-sight with the enemy from his position." What was his position? You haven't specified it yet.
 * 81) **Fixed.
 * 82) ***Okay, but now I'm confused as to where the enemy is. I thought you stated in the intro that the Geonosians were in the canyon that led to the entrance, but if Cooker was directly across from the entrance and couldn't see the droids, how is this possible? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ****The Genosian forces where in the canyon, so that he couldn't see them.
 * 84) *****But if he was right across from the canyon how could he not see the Geonosians in the canyon? If he couldn't see in the canyon, perhaps this is not the right wording here; please check your meaning. Also, in the bio picture caption, you say he was above the canyon. Which is correrct? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) ******Clarified.
 * 86) ******* Also, on the picture, it appears he is on some sort of ledge. Perhaps mentioning this would be advantageous. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) ********Added.
 * 88) *********Just to clarify, the previous objection remains. Please adjust wording so this is more clear. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) **********Clarified.
 * 90) ***********I'm seeing no changes. Please specify how, if he was directly across from the canyon, he could not see the canyon. Again, I suspect you have used wording that means something you did not intend to mean here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:41, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) ************He could see the canyon but he couldn't see the Geos. I don't really understand your problem.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:11, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) *************I understand that. What I'm asking you to specify is why he couldn't see them. Because otherwise it's confusing to the reader how he could see the canyon, and the Geonosians were in the canyon, but he couldn't see them. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **************Added that the enemy was "well-entranched". Hope this helps.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:29, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) * The first three sentences of the third paragraph in the bio are worded poorly/awkwardly. Again, normally a "sofixit", but you need to learn to do this yourself.
 * 95) **Fixed.
 * 96) ***The third sentence is still awkward. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) ****Better?
 * 98) *****Well, it's less choppy, but why do you wait so long to say it? Why not mention that fact sooner? Right now it sounds like an after-thought. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) ******Fixed.
 * 100) *******Grammar. Lee, this problem is getting very old. After almost every objection you fix, there are grammar issues created by your rearranging of phrasing. Please be more careful. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 101) ********Better ?
 * 102) * Why don't you mention how Cooker saved Fisto in the intro?
 * 103) **The intro would not be proportional to the bio (Xd's objection).
 * 104) ***That doesn't matter, because this is vital information; use synonyms and alternate phrasing to make it shorter and to shorten other things in the intro, but never leave out important information. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:54, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) ****Fixed.
 * 106) *****Grammar/poor phrasing. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) ******Better?
 * 108) *******It's a bit of a run-on now. Also, why did you remove the link? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) ********Fixed.
 * 110) * First sentence of the P/T: did he like to watch the power cells burn, or the droids themselves?
 * 111) **Fixed.
 * 112) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 13:06, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 113) **Thank you for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:50, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * How do we know that Cooker was "loyal and obedient?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:16, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) **He obeyed Fisto's orders.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:30, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) ***So we know he obeyed orders once (something which was expected of him). This in no way means he was particularly obedient (after all, he did question Fisto's orders at first) and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with loyalty. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) ****He obeyed all orders from Fisto and was loyal enough to save his General. And if he obeys order he is obedient.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:01, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) *****This remains. Unless the source says that he was particularly loyal or obedient, this is a pretty baseless claim. You can pretty much say that every being ever created for the Star Wars universe is "obedient" because of that one time they followed orders. And to say that because 2242 helped Fisto he is "loyal" is completely POV and even OR. Please avoid using such generic statements as fillers in the P/Ts of articles. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) ******I changed it to "loyal and obedient like a clone trooper should be".  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:15, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) *******First off, this does not in any way fix the original objection. Second, does the source state that that's how a clone trooper should act? If not, then that is also OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:41, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) ********I sourced it with the databank. If you still insist on removing the loyal and obedient part, I'll remove it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:11, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) *********Again, this does not fix the objection. I repeat: You can pretty much say that every being ever created for the Star Wars universe is "obedient" because of that one time they followed orders. It's a pretty baseless and generic claim that shouldn't be used as a filler in the P&T. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 123) **********Removed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:29, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified clone stormtrooper

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 20:39, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An interesting try from Star Wars: Purge. 297 words. I was bored at that evening, so lets see what it becomes

(1 ACs/4 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 19:21, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:27, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) * Per Tope. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:42, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) **Thank you.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:47, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) -- 1358  (Talk) 17:57, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:52, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm striking my vote for now. Naru's most recent additions have completely reshaped the face of this article, such that it no longer even remotely resembles the version I once reviewed and voted for. This would require a whole new copy-edit for me to be satisfied with the new changes. Plus, I'm very skeptical of some of the information that has been added. I'll leave this circus for CC to take charge of, if he would be so willing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:38, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 18:49, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:33, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * You have some sourcing issues in the infobox. You can't source the content that's under affiliation to the clone trooper db entry. Doing so would mean that this unidentified clone trooper commander is mentioned somehow in the entry, though, he's not. Purge is the correct source for those two under affiliation.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Intro-" After Order 66 was executed in 19 BBY, the clone commander hunted the Aleena Jedi Master" Who is this Aleena Jedi Master? If it's Choi, then please add "Aleena" before "Jedi General" when you first mentioned him.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "until they were in a blind alley" I do not understand what you meant by this. Can you clarify?
 * 7) **A synonym for blind alley would be dead-end street or impasse.
 * 8) * "There, the commander cursed and stated on the question of a clone trooper that Order 66 remained in effect." Quite confusing, as I don't know what you meant. Please clarify.
 * 9) **Hopefully clarified.
 * 10) * Also, I corrected quite a few simple grammatical errors, linking, and a few tense issues. Please watch out for these.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:30, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thanks for the review, Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:14, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) NaruBeast
 * 13) * The intro is very choppy, try connecting the sentences a bit more.
 * 14) **Still?
 * 15) * Context on Order 66 in the intro.
 * 16) **Added.
 * 17) * Say somewhere (preferably in both the intro and body, but at least the body) that he was a clone of Jango.
 * 18) **Added.
 * 19) * "After taking the track on the Jedi..." What? Rephrase.
 * 20) **Rephrased.
 * 21) *I forget this all the time so I'm not one to judge, but put your articles through a spell check before you nominate them.
 * 22) **Okay.
 * 23) * Source the first sentance of the body to the DB entry on clone troopers.
 * 24) **Was sourced.
 * 25) * "There, the commander cursed and stated on the question of a clone trooper that Order 66 remained in effect." Rephrase.
 * 26) **Rephrased.
 * 27) ***I've done this one, but I question whether this should be included at all. It's not truly neccesary to a documentation of the clone's life. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:28, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) ****I think it should be included, but if another will object this too, I will remove it.
 * 29) *****I'll strike this for now. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:20, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * How do you know this guy is a commander and not some other rank?
 * 31) **That was the article name but you're right. He was not referred as commander. Also he has the same command uniform like CT-65/91-6210. Enough or should we change it into officer.
 * 32) ***Personally I don't think that's enough. As far as I know, Phase II armor is so customizable that a specific "this color or armor sceme means this" is impossible. For example, the clone trooper commander article states: "Some commanders allowed their best troops to also wear ARC armor." NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:28, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ****At least, he became a clone stormtrooper after the Imperial Declaration was given. Include that. If you decide to rid the article of mention that he was a commander in the GAR, change the article to "Unidentified clone stormtooper" and add a Bts note that his armor resembled a clone commander's. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:42, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) *****Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:09, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) ******You haven't added anything about his status as a clone stormtrooper. (And the infobox still reads "commander") NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:20, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) *******Changed that in the infobox, but we have no source that he became a stormtrooper. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:48, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) ********The fact that he is a clone trooper who transerred into the Empire army means he is a clone stormtrooper per works such as Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader or even, I believe, Star Wars: Battlefront II.
 * 38) *********Well, but we cannot be sure. If you don't insist on it to 100 percent I wouldn't add it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:07, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) **********The Grand Army of the Republic no longer exists at this point, and the clone trooper classification went with it. There are only stormtroopers after about the first few days of the Empire, and SW:P happens well after that threshold, so we can be 100% sure he's a stormtrooper. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:13, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) ***********Included it in the bio.
 * 41) ************You can't just include a sentance that the troopers became stormtroopers and call this one good. You have a fully sourcable rank compared to the (previously acceptable) assumption that he was a clone trooper officer. This needs to be fully integrated into the article. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:28, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) *************It put the info about the stomrtrooper in the bio. Hope this satifys his objection. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 20:14, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) **************The article still primarily refers to him as a "clone officer," the latter half of which you cannot cite. 1) All mentyion of the word "officer" should be scrubbed out. (See below) 2) Mentions of him in the intro (While mentioning he was part of the GAotR), bio (After the first paragraph), P&T, and Bts should say that he was a stormtrooper or simply a "clone." You can cite that he changed ranks to the quote I left you on your talk page. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:54, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) **************'Naru he is a officer, so I don't understand this objection. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:21, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ***************I can only judge from the images in this article, but I would say we have enough to go on just by visual analysis to tab him as an officer. Is he not leading this squad in the comic? Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:23, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) ****************He's basing it on the color and style of the armor already, but you can't really do that with Phase II armor because it is so customizable, and officers sometimes even allowed their subbordinates to wear that style of armor as a sign of respect. Its not like phase I, or any other army, where you can automatically tell what rank he is by his colors, look, insignia, etc. This clone is not a clone trooper anymore after Palpy gave the Declaration of a New Order, he's a clone stormtrooper, which is a completely different animal. Therefore, after the Declarationis mentioned in the article, should not he be refered to by his new title, and in the Page Name as well? Also, just because he lead the squad doesn't mean he was an officer when he was in the GAotR or in the Stormy Corps., it (can) just mean he led his squad that day, or was designated squadleader, or some other option but it doesn't automatically make him of command authority or an officer at all. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:23, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) *****************I just found a source which says he was a clone commander during the Clone Wars: here. I found it while looking for a source for something in the Tsui Choi article. Replace occurences of "officer" before the declaration with commander in the bio, but change the "officer"s after that to clone stormtrooper. Mention he was a commander the GAR in the intro and the P&T if you decide to talk about his servce in the GAR there as well. Part 2 of my objection still stands. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:23, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ******************Sorry Naru, I don't see any info on this page. If you add it yourself, someone can check it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:27, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) *******************I hate linking to webpages, this always happens. >:( It'll work now. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:32, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ********************Fixed, but there is a sourcing error now. And I still believe that his commander rank is the right for his Empire time.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) *********************I fixed the sourcing error. You used "ref name=" and put a "ref/" at the end by mistake. Would you like me to just fix this one myself so I can vote for this article? NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:09, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) **********************I would possible be the bset if you fix it. You know best what you want to change and I've got some problems to understand you.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:35, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) ***********************There. This... Nebulaxian discussion is over. (Unless there's something you truly find ojectionable about what I did, of course, but I didn't do anything I didn't ask of you).
 * 54) * Now you need to add that Hasbro.com link to the External links and use the link in your referencing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:39, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) **If citing external links is beyond your abilities, please ask and I'm sure someone would be willing to assist you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:47, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) ***I refuse to contribute to the Nebulaxian ******************* conversation, so I'll post here. The external link reference should properly use the citeweb citation. You may consider this an official objection as well. And it would help if we let Lee do this himself rather than fixing everything for him so that he learns how it's done. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:19, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) ****Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:35, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) *****No, it's not fixed. And please don't me it is until you've completed what I've asked at least four times now on here and under your post on Master Jonathan's talk page. The citeweb template should be used to cite the external link, which it is not. Since you clearly haven't the slightest idea how this is done, MJ was kind enough to leave instructions on his talk page. Please follow them. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:31, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) ******First, there is no need to be rude. I fixed with the help of the citeweb page and MJ's talk page and I asked him if it is now correct.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:39, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) *******If it's rudeness, I apologize, but so be it. Because I know I'm not the only one who is becoming exasperated with how things needs to be explained to you a half-dozen times before you finally get it right on the page, while meanwhile you tell us that what you have is fixed when it's not. This happens on every single one of your nominations, which includes your questionable grasp of the English language. I don't fault you for that, but you must begin to understand, as we've explained to you dozens of times by now, that we aren't English language instructors. You're rapidly reaching the point where the AC is not going to overhaul your nomination for you for grammatical errors any more. So please be forewarned. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:08, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 61) *******Now on to further objections. Considering the obscurity of this Hasbro.com information, some sort of BTS note should be left explaining the origin of his "commander" rank. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:08, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) ********Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:38, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) *********That's not exactly self sourcing. You need to actually leave a reference note for that statement, and it would help if you would link to the specific page in the sentence.
 * 64) **********Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:23, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) * Reference 4 needs to use the Insider citation template. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:21, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) **Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:40, April 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) * Expand the P&T. If you don't know what you could add, look at a clone that's been GA'd already. One thing off the top of my head would be just to sort-of list his characteristics as a clne of Jango.
 * 68) **He has only three sentences so it's quite difficult. Added something about being loyal.
 * 69) ***And something about his equipment. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:13, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:41, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) **Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:08, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) * Look back at the comic for a moment and see if this character's back is shown. If there is a long tube horozontal on his lower back (Like | this, only I think more rectangular) it is a thermal detonator, which should be added to his equipment. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:53, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) **Added.
 * 74) The Grand Master
 * 75) * The intro is a little long for the article's size; could it be cut down a little?
 * 76) **Shortened.
 * 77) * Could you mention sooner in the bio that this officer served under Choi during the Clone Wars?
 * 78) **Better?
 * 79) * What do you mean "a blind alley?" How was the alley "blind?"
 * 80) **A synonym for blind alley would be dead-end street or impasse.
 * 81) ***So you're saying it's a dead end? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:11, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) ****Yes.
 * 83) * I fail to see how the fact that this officer trailed Choi makes him loyal.
 * 84) **Well he was loyal to the Empire by executing Order 66.
 * 85) ***Yes, but you just say "as a loyal clone trooper," implying he was loyal in general. And he is just as much a traitor to Choi as he is loyal to the Empire. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:11, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) ****Changed to loyal to the Empire.
 * 87) * "Although a trained soldier, he was unable to defend himself when he was attacked from behind by the Jedi Master, an event which resulted in his death." This isn't very clear: how was he unable to defend himself; did he even get a chance to defend himself? Also, does this really belong in the P&T?
 * 88) **Better?
 * 89) ***Okay, but then what does this have to do with him being a trained soldier? If he didn't get a chance to defend himself, then he would've died no matter what, and it doesn't matter that he was a trained soldier. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:11, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 90) ****Corrected.
 * 91) *****Okay, but I'll repeat: does this really belong in the P&T? What does this have to do with his personality? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) ******Well, several clones managed to kill their Jedi officer and he could not due to faster reactions of Choi. I removed it.
 * 93) *As a note: please watch your linking in the future, as well as your grammar. And remember not to link anything in quotes or images unless they do not appear in the article's body itself. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:00, March 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) **Thanks for your review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:51, March 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) *Eh and what would you say about Narus last objection. Is he a stormtrooper or not ?. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:56, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ** Per precedent, I would say yes, he became a stormtrooper. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) ***Included it in the bio. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:34, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) Toprawa:
 * 99) * I'm not sure I see enough to warrant making the following assertion: "Like all clone troopers, the clone officer was born on the Wild Space planet Kamino as a clone of the Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett." The reference you use for this statement, the Databank, says only the following: "each of the first generations of clone trooper was grown in the cloning facilities of Tipoca City, on the storm-drenched world of Kamino." How do we know this clone qualifies as being among the "first generations" of clone troopers? Figuring this clone doesn't make his first canonical appearance until the very end of the war, could he not just as easily been grown at a different location? Perhaps CC or someone can also weigh in on this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:21, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 100) **CC is not available for Wookiepedia so far. Possible it would be best to removed Kamino as his homeworld in the infobox and change the first Bio sentence to: Like all clone troopers, the clone officer was a clone of the Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett. ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:45, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 101) ***Well, assuming you can say that in normal, grammatically-correct English, yes, go for it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:05, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) ****Changed.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 20:14, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) Please fix the article to reflect his stormtrooper rank. Also, the fact that he's a clone commander is unverified information and fanon at this point.  CC7567  (talk) 23:59, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 104) *I found a source for his commander rank. After that he's a stormie. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:19, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) Round II
 * 106) * Grammar problem in the intro. Again, normally a, but these issues are so often prominent in your noms, you need to take the time to learn to fix it yourself.
 * 107) **Fixed.
 * 108) ***This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:14, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) ****Once again, if I see grammar problem I am focused on tense. Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:17, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) *****You're in the right place now, but grammar problems remain. Also, why did you remove all that information? Now you have nothing on his transition into a stormtrooper. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:20, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) ******Added the info. Grammar problem fixed ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:28, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 112) *******Grammar issues remain. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:56, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 113) ********Please try it now.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:02, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) *********Better; the last sentence of the intro is still worded poorly. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:40, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) **********Clarified.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:03, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) * Also seeing linking issues. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:57, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) **Fixed in the intro. Also in the bio ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:07, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Stupid question. Checked and fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:08, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) * "A page on Hasbro.com later confirmed that the leading stormtrooper in the comic was a clone commander." Could you provide a link for this page? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:36, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) **Eh, it is in the external links section.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:38, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) ***Oops. Over-looked that; my bad. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:44, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) "There, Choi ambushed the stormtrooper, as well as the three other clones accompanying him and quickly killed the stormtrooper's companions before beheading him." I wanted to point out this out to you, Lee. Is he the only "stormtrooper" and the rest are "clones"? Or are they all stormtroopers? Please be consistent.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:13, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 123) *Clarified.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:03, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) **It still sounds like he is the only stormtrooper in that group. In the previous sentence, you just say "troopers," and it follows through to the next sentence.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:04, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) ***Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:15, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) Attack of the Clone
 * 127) *Purge, which is what this fact is referenced to, gives absolutely no indication that the clone commander served under Choi.
 * 128) **Removed unverified information.
 * 129) ***First of all, the intro wording still claims the same thing. Secondly, the Hasbro sourced already referenced in the article explicitly states "Tsui Choi was able to survive Order 66 and defend himself against his clone commander and clone troopers." 08:54, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) ****Fixed.
 * 131) *****If I'm not being clear enough, when I cite a source that says he was Choi's clone commander, I expect that to be implemented correctly.  CC7567  (talk) 09:14, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) ******Hope that it is now correct.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:58, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 133) * "There, the stormtrooper dictated that Order 66 remained in effect when a regretful subordinate of his asked about it." His companion's exact line is "What does it matter? The Jedi are dead&mdash;most of 'em. Those left are scattered." I hardly see how that qualifies as regret. Please be more specific.  CC7567  (talk) 22:59, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 134) **Removed "regretful". Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:41, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 135) ***It's still unclear specifically what the subordinate was asking.  CC7567  (talk) 08:54, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 136) ****Clarified.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:02, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * A question to the ACs, he is not referred as commander, but he looks like a commander. Should the article be moved to Unidentified clone officer (Tsui Choi)? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:16, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * To get my two cents in, per Palpatine's declaration, "The clone troopers, now proudly bearing the honorable rank of Imperial stormtroopers," I'd say that it's safe to assume that the guy is a stormtrooper.  CC7567  (talk) 23:59, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Jon and Toprawa, if you have anything to object at the current state of the article I will change it so that you will be satisfied.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:27, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * Toprawa, just if you have missed it, your objection is fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:47, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

Flanker

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:42, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 257 words. Hope he stays over 250 words during the nom. Should be clean of all my earlier errors

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:01, March 19, 2010 (UTC) Insert non-formatted text here

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Intro should be proportional to to bio.
 * 3) **It is not. Should it be longer or shorter.
 * 4) ***It is fine now. Before, it was only one, long sentence.
 * 5) * Fact tag in the infobox.
 * 6) **Sourced.
 * 7) * "Flanker along with hatchmate Shiv did some desert training around 22 BBY and Shiv enjoyed it writing letters at Flanker, even after Flanker’s death in the Battle of Christophsis." Awkwardly phrased. Please watch your grammar. Also, context on "desert training".
 * 8) **Reworded, but we have no context on the training.
 * 9) ***Still remains.
 * 10) ****See above.
 * 11) * "Flanker, along with his hatchmate Shiv, did desert training and Flanker joked that one of them would get shipped to a water planet after this." After what? Also, please add context to "desert training".
 * 12) **See above.
 * 13) ***I still don't quite understand what desert training is. Are you sure you cannot add any context to clarify this?
 * 14) ****No we have no info.
 * 15) * "Shiv enjoyed writing letters to Flanker, although Flanker wasn’t much for it." "Wasn't much for it"? Please clarify.
 * 16) **Better?
 * 17) * "Flanker was killed during the battle, which resulted in a Republic victory," This makes it sound like that the Republic won, because of Flanker's death.
 * 18) **Changed.
 * 19) * Please clarify this: "but Shiv continued writing letters to Flanker - because that relaxed him – until he was killed by Talz warriors on Orto Plutonia, which was – ironically – an ice planet." Does Shiv know Flanker is dead? Also, please watch your grammar. Why are you using ndashes or "-"?
 * 20) **I corrected this.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:56, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * "Although Flanker was a trained clone trooper he died on Christophsis." How is this relevant to the P&T?
 * 22) **Changed.
 * 23) * "Flanker wasn’t much for Shiv’s letter, but had a sense of humor when he joked about their desert training." "He wasn't much for Shiv's letter?" Reword.
 * 24) **Adressed.
 * 25) * I don't understand why you mentioned the illustrators names in the bts.
 * 26) **Removed.
 * 27) * JangFett  (Talk) 20:38, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) **Thanks for your review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:36, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) War is hell, and Skippy is objecting
 * 30) * although Flanker wasn’t much for it. You are using exactly the same expression Shiv used in a quote of the article. Can you replace it with a synoym?
 * 31) **Changed.
 * 32) * Suggestion: A new paragraph just after that sentence.
 * 33) **Done.
 * 34) * "ironically": NPOV?
 * 35) **Removed.
 * 36) * Flanker wasn’t much for Shiv’s letter, but had a sense of humor when he joked about their desert training. Why "but"? Is there any relation between not being much for letters and having a sense of humor?
 * 37) **Adressed.
 * 38) * Maybe you should mention that Shiv talked about Flanker with commander Mag?
 * 39) **Added.
 * 40) * Link Mag somewhere, even if it is in a quote.
 * 41) **Linked.
 * 42) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:19, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) **Thanks for your review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:36, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * One more: Do you think this article can use a youmay tag to differentiate it from the planet Flankers? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:02, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) **Added. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:43, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) Issues with grammar. This problem is getting old. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:46, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) *Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:43, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) **Still seeing some errors. Also, I urge you to fix these problems yourself Lee, rather than having other users fix them for you. Otherwise, you're not really the one promoting the article to GA status&mdash;the other users are. That's the whole point of making objections; so that the nominator can fix things himself and learn from the process, thereby avoiding making the same mistakes in the future and having the nominator's quality of writing go up. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:50, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ***I believe, that I corrected three or four. Are there still any in it and if how many ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 20:06, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ****First off, you only made two changes; second, you actually made both worse&mdash;both of the places you made changes were grammatically fine before, but now they are incorrect. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:30, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) *****Corrected them back. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:17, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) ******Okay, but just to clarify, several issues still remain. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:23, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) *******Any improvement ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:59, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ********Some; and you got the one mentioned above; but others remain. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:39, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) *********Changed two. Still major errors ? Possible I should reword this sentences: ''When Confederate forces attacked the Outer Rim planet of Christophsis, Flanker was part of the troops that were sent to defend the world. Flanker was killed during the battle, but Shiv continued writing letters to Flanker, since it relaxed him.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:45, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) **********Second change was unneeded; the sentences you list above are fine as is. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:00, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) **********Just to make sure you're aware, this objection is still standing. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 02:34, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) ***********Hope the changes for the latter objections eliminated them.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:47, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) ************This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:59, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * "Although Flanker was a trained clone trooper, he was killed on Christophsis." This has nothing to do with Flanker's personality; please remove.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:23, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 61) **Removed, but I think that nom should be removed (or is he still over 250 words?. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) ***The article is currently at 249 words. I suggest fixing the grammar issues, and seeing where the word count is then. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:30, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) ****Better or worse ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:30, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) *****Worse, unfortunately. Again, the grammar you have changed was fine before, but is incorrect now. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:00, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ******I wonder what could still be incorrect. I changed most of the article form good to worse and back.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:09, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *******Firstly, you changed two things; not "most of the article." Second, in both places where you changed things, the wording was previously fine. One particularly glaring example of a problem is: "Flanker was killed during the battle, but Shiv continued writing letters at Flanker, since it relaxed him." Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:17, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ********Bah, I juts looked at tense not at other things. But the error from above is nowhere in the article. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:41, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) *********Yes it is. Bio, second paragraph, second sentence. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:14, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) **********Fixed. Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:36, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) * Please write the final sentence of the BTS more from Flanker's perspective, rather than Shiv's. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:00, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) **Changed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:58, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) ****Facepalm* Sorry, I meant "intro;" dunno why I typed "BTS." Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:09, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) ****Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 15:42, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) *****This remains; you mention Flanker's death almost as an afterthought. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:47, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ******Fixed and I can't find major errors.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 16:06, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) * As stated below: you can't say whether or not Shiv started writing letters before or after Flanker's death because it is unknown which he did. As such, please adjust your wording in the article so that it doesn't imply either way. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:59, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) **Changed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:10, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) Cylka:
 * 79) * There are still a few problems with grammar. I have found incorrect word and punctuation usage. Please fix this.
 * 80) **Any improvement ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:51, March 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Flanker didn't care much for Shiv’s letters that he wrote to him, and he had a sense of humor when he joked about their desert training. - The second part of this sentence needs to identify who had the sense of humor and who was joking.
 * 82) **Fixed.
 * 83) * While Flanker was a trained clone trooper, he was killed on Christophsis. - What does having been killed on Chritophsis have to do with being a trained clone trooper? Cylka  -talk- 19:38, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) **Fixed.
 * 85) *Cylka  -talk- 20:43, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) **Thank you for your review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:17, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) Soresu
 * 88) * Shiv enjoyed it writing. Not sure what "it" is for.
 * 89) **Changed.
 * 90) * one of the many clones from the Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett. Should be "of", not "from".
 * 91) **Stupid error. Fixed.
 * 92) * Do we actually know that Shiv started writing letters before Flanker's death, and continued to after his death? Is it possible that he started writing them only after he died? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:12, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **We only know it from Shivs quote in the bio. Thank you for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:58, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) ***If I may intervene here; Soresu's right. If all we know is from Shiv's quote in the bio, then we can't say for sure that he wrote letters to Flanker before Flanker's death. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:09, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ****Changed, but I believe he is now under 250 words.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 15:40, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) *****You can keep the fact that Flanker didn't like letters in the P/T. Right now it's at 232 words. You can either just request to remove the nom now or wait until you fix the other objections, in case the word count comes back up. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:47, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) Cylka, pt.2:
 * 98) *I still see two issues with grammar and punctuation. Please fix them. I know that this would fall under, but I would like you to improve your writing a bit more.
 * 99) **Rewrote something.
 * 100) *Flanker was killed during the battle, but Shiv began writing letters to Flanker - Did Shiv start writing the letters to him after he had been killed? In the P/T you wrote Flanker didn't care much about Shiv's letters. Please clear this up.
 * 101) **Please take a look at Jon's statement above.
 * 102) ***My above statement is: "If all we know is from Shiv's quote in the bio, then we can't say for sure that he wrote letters to Flanker before Flanker's death." That also means that we don't know that he started them after his death, either. The point is, you can't explicitly say either way, without it being speculation/OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 12:48, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) *However, Flanker's hatchmate was killed by Talz warriors on Orto Plutonia, shortly after Shiv had talked with his commander Mag about Flanker. - Do you mean that Shiv was killed? If so, please change the wording a bit since that isn't clear from this sentence.
 * 104) **Reworded and added some details.
 * 105) *I'll take another look once you take care of these objections. Cylka  -talk- 23:49, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 106) **Thank you.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:03, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) Less than 250 words at the moment (~246 words according to Word). --  1358  (Talk) 08:57, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Xd: check out the above objections (specifically under Soresu). We've already made note of this, but I'm giving him a chance to fix his grammar, in case it brings the word count up again (it's already come up a bit from the 232 that it was). Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 13:36, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) **Ah, sorry, striking this objection for now. Thanks for the heads up. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:38, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Lee, this, like all of your noms, has plenty of grammatical errors. Frankly, it's getting old. I'm not trying to rude, but this is not English class. Please, please, try to avoid making these errors.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:30, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll take a good look at both Flanker and 2242 today in order to fix the grammar problems.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:37, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll hope the two grammar errors are finally fixed. (If not it would possible be the best to point them out. I know I can't learn them if another user fixed it, but if I see it I can fix it easier. And I learn nothing if I don't know them.)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:10, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Lens Reekeene

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Rebel General to be used as a NPC in a RPG Campaign, and part of my own mini-project. Currently 1200 words, probably I'll try for a FAN later.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Context on "Flankers"
 * 3) **Added; OS says little about that.
 * 4) * In the intro, you vaguely explained how he became a prison of the Empire, but in the bio, it's not even mentioned. "Sartran was disbanded by the Galactic Empire and the mercenaries employed by the company were imprisoned under false charges of conspiracy. While in prison," The jump from "being disbanded by the Empire" to being in prison is rough.
 * 5) **Better?
 * 6) * "While in prison, Lens met engineer Mikka Reekeene, also a former employee of Sartran. Lens and Mikka Reekeene got married in jail." This sounds like Mikka was also in prison for whatever reason. Was he an engineer in prison or a worker in that prison?
 * 7) **You are right. Better?
 * 8) * Try to add subsections within the bio. It will be more, concisely organized and well formatted.
 * 9) **Better?
 * 10) ***Much; also, is their any relevant quotes? If not, then it's fine.
 * 11) * If Lens was free in 11 BBY, how could she have joined the Rebellion? It wasn't established until 2 BBY.
 * 12) **Right. Typo in my notes, corrected: She was released in 3 BBY and soon after that (apparently some months), she joined the Rebellion.
 * 13) *More to come. Also, please watch your linking. I'll look through the article once more.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:32, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **More linking, and thank you for your review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:01, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) * Seeing some grammar issues throughout the article. This is getting old.
 * 17) **Try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:34, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Better, but still seeing several mistakes; a couple examples: "Circa 0 ABY, Reekeene also led the Roughnecks in "Operation Retribution," which simultaneously damaged assets of the Empire, while the Alliance suffered the minimum damage." "Also around this time, General Reekeene joined her husband, Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro onboard their mobile headquarters&hellip" (<--comma usage; this currently grammatically implies that Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro were Reekeene's husband.) Also, please see my note below on the linking; it applies here as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Might be better. I hope I could find every one. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *****You only fixed the one example I left on your talk page. Some wording issues remain. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ******General overwrite and complete copy-edit, even if those things rarely work. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * Why is there a birth date given in the infobox but not in the intro and bio?
 * 23) **Added.
 * 24) * Why is there no dating of events in the intro?
 * 25) **Added.
 * 26) * "an Irregular group of Rebel soldiers." This makes it sound as if the soldiers themselves were irregular, i.e. they were strange beings. Please reword so that you actually say what an "Irregular" means in this case.
 * 27) **Changed.
 * 28) * Why is the quote given outside of any section? Currently, the section which you have the quote has no prose. Please move it.
 * 29) **Changed.
 * 30) * Does the OS say why Sartran was disbanded, or why the mercs were imprisoned under false charges?
 * 31) **Added.
 * 32) * "Later, Mikka Reekeene was released from jail, because of a management mistake." This grammatically says that it was a mistake for him to be released. Is that true?
 * 33) **Yes. Reworded.
 * 34) * "and her less political husband followed her." What exactly do you mean by "less political," and by "followed her" do you mean that he, too, joined the Alliance? This isn't very clear.
 * 35) **Changed.
 * 36) * 2nd paragraph of "origins" section needs to be reworded more to follow Lens' POV. The first couple sentences sound like the article's suddenly switched to one about Mikka.
 * 37) **Changed.
 * 38) * Page for the local moff? If there is none, please create and link.
 * 39) **Added.
 * 40) * Page for Green Squad's mission to Abonshee?
 * 41) **Stubbed.
 * 42) ***Quick question&mdash;was the mission successful, or is this known? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * "None of the other officers objected anything to her." This doesn't make snese.
 * 45) **Removed.
 * 46) * Linking mistakes throughout. Please make sure not only that everything is linked, but also that everything is linked cleanly and properly.
 * 47) **I think I've found what you mean. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:27, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Still seeing some mistakes, inlcuding instances of underlinking. (Another hint for proper linking: refuelling is incorrect) Remember, when possible, please try to link things in the article if you can, as opposed to linking them in quotes; for instance, I'm sure you can work at least Alliance Intelligence and Godking into the article prose, even if you just pipelink. Also why do you have "limit of missions" linked to the page "23rd?" This makes absolutely no sense, especially sense you just got done saying that the limit of missions was 20. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Underlinking: Try.
 * 50) *****You have not added any links other than the ones that were in the quotes. This remains. Again&mdash;normally this would fall under "sofixit," but the fact of the matter is, this is a consistent problem with your noms; please take the time to correct it. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) ******Again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) *******You've only fixed the two examples I left on your talk page. This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) ********Two more: Commanding officer and Alliance recruitment agent. I can't see anything else missing. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Intel & Godking: Included in the prose.
 * 55) ****23rd: Survivors of 20 missions facing mandatory retirement were only a 23% of the agents, thus the nickname; article created but no change here.
 * 56) * "Fortunately, the Empire was outwitted." POV.
 * 57) **Removed.
 * 58) * "to reach a meeting with the Alliance commanding officers of the sector." What sector? Is this still the Fakir sector?
 * 59) **Yes. Added.
 * 60) * "keep them nervous" Keep who nervous? Also, lots of the wording in the P/T sounds like it may have been taken almost verbatim from the source. I am unfamiliar with the material, but please check and make sure you don't use the same words as the source.
 * 61) **Changed.
 * 62) ***What do you mean by making the Empire "feel unsure about the Roughnecks?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) ****Sorry: Insecure, not unsure. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) *****This still doesn't really make sense; how is she making the Empire "insecure?" Maybe something more along the lines of "she did her best to trouble/pester the Empire," or something of the sort? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:35, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ******Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *******Grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ********Now? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:35, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) * "tell others only what they needed to know." What others?
 * 69) **Changed.
 * 70) * Please check the format of the BTS quote. The source seems to be misformatted.
 * 71) **Changed.
 * 72) * "along with another Campaign" What other campaign? At least pipelink it.
 * 73) **Detailed.
 * 74) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:16, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) **Most done; still looking for the grammar part. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:21, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) One more for now: In the intro you say "Lens Reekeene was a female Human born in 54 BBY.", although it's the same in the first sentence of the bio. Mind rewording it?  JangFett  (Talk) 19:36, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) The Grand Master II
 * 79) * Nothing in the intro that isn't also in the body, please.
 * 80) **Changed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Very stiff, choppy prose throughout the article.
 * 82) **Modified. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ***Better, but for the first paragraph of the intro and the first paragraph of the bio this remains. See my edits to the second paragraph of the bio for an example of how to fix this. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ****Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) *****Much better, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) ******Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) * "The Reekeenes and Lazith'chika were the highest-ranking members of the Roughnecks. They briefed the squads and answered their questions. Once briefed for a mission, a member of the Roughnecks could not speak to anyone except the Reekeenes or Lazith'chika, as a security measure." This seems very randomly placed; it doesn't really follow or lead into the surrounding paragraphs.
 * 88) **Moved. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * In the "Operation Retribution" section, there are some inappropriate uses of "would be." Remember, this is a future-tense phrase, and should only be used when you are explaining the formation of a plan of what is going to happen (like you do here: "The Roughnecks would simultaneously raid several Imperial targets"), and even then you should follow it up with what did happen.
 * 90) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) *I'll continue with my review once you address these. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:45, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) * "Once Retribution was over, Reekeene sent the Long Shot to the planet Iyuta. The Empire had a communication center there and Reekeene wanted a listening device on it. Reekeene had a contact on Iyuta, but the Empire had already found, killed and replaced this person, as a part of a plot to follow the Rebel agents to their headquarters. However, the Empire was outwitted." The content of this is rather ambiguous. It cuts off rather short, leaving the reader confused. How was the Empire outwitted? In what was the Empire outwitted? Did Lens ever get the listening device on the planet? Also, please specify better why it was a big deal that the Empire killed and replaced Lens' contact. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **More detail added, but OS only gives an overview of the adventure; individual Gamemasters are supposed to develop, complete and detail the given outlines. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) ***That's fine, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ****Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Orbital Security Station Six

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:46, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The conclusive, third part of Project Femi; so old I'd completely forgotten about it.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1)  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:30, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Large amount of factual errors brought to light by Trayus. I will have to re-review before I unstrike my vote. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:38, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Make sure everything is past tense.
 * 3) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * In reality, this was just a ruse to allow the Sith fleet to directly attack Coruscant, where, rather than transmit proper clearance codes to the satellite, Orbital Security Station Six was destroyed before the fleet continued assaulting the planet. Reword that last section. Also, the assault didn't "continue" because it has not yet begun. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:15, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **How about now?. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Return of the Sith Empire
 * 7) * "Orbital Security Station Six was the first to encounter the mass of ships" - What do you mean by "mass of ships"? Please be more specific.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) * You need to be more explicit in the intro in regards to how the station was destroyed.
 * 10) **Done.
 * 11) * I would suggest creating and linking an Orbital Security Station article.
 * 12) **And include what? Just because its name has "six" in it doesn't mean its part of a series. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Orbital Security Stations have been referenced in other sources, meaning that it is either a model of station or a specific role. Either option would require that it be mentioned and linked to in your infobox and/or intro.
 * 14) ****I created it and did the latter, mentioning the existence of others in the description. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * I would remove the term "quite bulky" from the Description section. It's unencyclopedic and somewhat POV, given that there's no other ship close enough to it to give an accurate comparison of size and bulk.
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) *"The dorsal side of the craft was adorned with two cylinders lined with blue and black viewports." - First, we don't know that that is the dorsal side, second, you shouldn't refer to the station as a "craft," and third, those are never confirmed to be viewports. Perhaps they are just lights, but regardless, we can't specify.
 * 18) **Changed to "surfaces" NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **Whoops. I fixed the "dorsal" part. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:21, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * "There was a way to easily transfer workers aboard the ship on and off-planet as their shifts changed." - pure speculation.
 * 21) **No. Femi says she was looking forward to going home after her shift, therefore there must be a way to get them back to Coruscant. I took out "easily."
 * 22) ***The easy was what I was referring to as speculation. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * In the history you say that Femi was nervous about seeing the Sith fleet and that their arrival was unexpected because they were supposed to be negotiating a peace on Alderaan. This is largely incorrect&mdash;Femi didn't know it was a Sith fleet, and we have no indication of her being nervous as a result of seeing it. She simply claims not to be expecting the vessel, whic could be for a variety of reasons.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * The Great Galactic War had not been going on for a century.
 * 26) **Grr outdated information. Fixed.
 * 27) * Everything past the destruction of the station in the History section is fluff. You can give a brief summary (as in one sentence) of the result of the Sacking, but anything more is too much.
 * 28) **I made it two. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:09, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) **You still have a few issues here and there, I'll give it another review soon. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lauli Wahlo

 * Nominated by: Jawaman Speak softly, and drive a big tank. 10:55, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just a cool looking Quarren with a cybernetic eye.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) First glance
 * 2) *Write the bio from Wahlo's POV please; the first sentence doesn't even acknowledge his existence.
 * 3) **Fixed
 * 4) ***This remains; you're still missing vital information about Wahlo in the bio that you mention elsewhere in the article. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 13:26, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) *You have information in the intro that isn't in the bio.
 * 6) **Fixed
 * 7) ***This remains, and is in a way connected to the one above; you don't give hardly any info about Wahlo. (i.e. you don't even mention that he was a male Quarren.) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 13:26, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * In the intro you say Wahlo told Tano where to find Bannamu, but in the bio you say Wahlo and Dez told Tano where to find him. Which is correct?
 * 9) **It was Dez. Fixed
 * 10) *I'll give it a full review once these are taken care of. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 12:59, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Cav:
 * 12) * Intro - you mention that Tano and Sinube were looking for Tano's lightsaber ... why? Some context is needed.
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) * Intro - Wahlo answered them that he knew where to buy one, but once the Togruta revealed herself to be a Jedi, explained that her weapon had been pilfered by Bannamu, who could be found at the Spider Arms Hostel. This sentence is disjointed and fragmentary; consider revising and breaking up.
 * 15) *Context on the pickpocket - what was their name?
 * 16) **What was their name.(??) What do you mean with that?
 * 17) *Why was the Weequay arms dealer being arrested?
 * 18) **Is that relevant to the article?
 * 19) ***I wouldn't have asked for the information if I didn't think it was relevant. Context is important. Do not assume that the reader knows these facts, or has even read/seen the source material. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 20:24, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *Why did Tano and Sinube go to Wahlo to learn the location of her lightsaber?
 * 21) *P&T - why did Wahlo make an exception to "betraying" his friend when Tano revealed herself to be a Jedi?
 * 22) **Fixed.
 * 23) *The article has several grammatical errors and underlinking throughout; please fix these. Articles should be linked to on first mention, and you are missing several obvious ones such as lightsaber. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 23:15, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) **Underlinking fixed. Please tell me where I can find the grammar errors or give me a hint.
 * 25) Airdate for "Lightsaber Lost"? --  1358  (Talk) 05:01, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) *Fixed.
 * 27) "James Arnold Taylor was voiced Wahlo (Wahlo was credited as Bounty Hunter #1), who..." Check the beginning. It's wrong. Also, do not use brackets in the prose; replace it with something like "...voiced Wahlo, who was credited as...". -- 1358  (Talk) 19:23, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

17,000 BBY

 * Nominated by: &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:38, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The years return. With the Great Manifest Period completely done, it is onward to the Indecta Era.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) In times of old, when time was young. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:11, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I always thought Yarael Poof was a mutant. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:19, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:07, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 11:35, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy's starting to feel old
 * 2) * The galaxy: 'believing it to be their "rightful" place' I think the quotation marks are not needed, as you explain that it's a quote. Your decision.
 * 3) **That word is used in quotes in the source material. I just decided to change it.
 * 4) * The galaxy: "Although illegal within Republic space, the scientists operated outside of the Republic's borders,[8] seeking to perform genetic experimentation on sentient species." Your wording suggests that the scientists themselves, their existence, not their activities, was illegal within Republic space
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) *Come on, only 25,046 noms more and we'll have all the Old Republic era.Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:21, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Well, want to help? &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:07, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) Soresu
 * 9) * However, the event escalated into actual fighting. A near–civil war was only avoided How can you avoid a near-civil war? You either avoid a civil war or have a near-civil war. Also, the two sentences seem contradictory. Perhaps you could use full-fledged civil war like you did in the intro.
 * 10) **Tweaked it.
 * 11) * seeking to perform genetic experimentation on sentient species because such actions were illegal within Republic space. This makes it sound like the reason for their experimentation was because it was illegal.
 * 12) **I'm not completely satisfied with it, but it works now and is correct on all fronts.
 * 13) * the desire to usurp the capital coupled with the competition in the Slice caused periodic unrest the final conflict occurred in 3,017 BBY. Doesn't make sense. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:01, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **Word was missing but has been added. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:12, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) Chack:
 * 16) * "Inside the Republic, the conflict between Alsakan and Coruscant was the first of seventeen such conflicts between the two planets." Could you replace one of these "conflicts" with a synonym?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) **Done.
 * 18) * Also, there's no need to have links in "Events" when they're already in the article elsewhere. This isn't really an objection, since I fixed it, but a note to you to remember for the future.
 * 19) **I was under the impression from earlier noms that it was wanted since this section was essentially a carryover of the timeline format that originally existed; that way, this subsection itself could be used for easy browsing. I may have misinterpreted it, but I was under the impression that it was necessary. This is something we can talk about later as it is an easy fix either way.
 * 20) *Otherwise, well done.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **Thanks, Chack. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:58, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) Just one minor thing: "17,000 BBY received direction mention in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia under the entries "Quermian" and "Xexto," as well." Is this supposed to be "direct mention"? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:15, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *Heh, yes. Fixed. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:05, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Updated with information from The Written Word. This was one of the hold-ups in even getting this one done. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:38, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Grimorg

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:36, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just a bit too short for FA standards.

(0 ACs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- 1358  (Talk) 05:01, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I wonder what you'll do once all these guys are done... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:18, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Great job.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:39, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee doesn't know this era
 * 2) * Place of death is missing in the infobox.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Not really an objection but could you take care of the redlink ?
 * 5) **Taken care of.
 * 6) * Is it said how he was slain (Shiak, Sai cha, Sai tok) ?
 * 7) **Nope. The only evidence we have of his death in the source material is that we see his corpse lying on the ground after the fight. We don't see Nomi killing him.
 * 8) *That's all. Good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:49, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Farlstendoiro. Just one, and it's mostly a suggestion
 * 10) * "Stonebone initially refused, forcing Bogga to unleash his hssiss pet" Maybe "prompting Bogga"? I don't think Stonebone forced Bogga to do such a thing.Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:51, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **Fixed.

Comments
 * Not an objection, but in the appearances section you have "A Guide to the Star Wars Universe (Third Edition)". Shouldn't it be something like "A Guide to the Star Wars Universe, Third Edition"? -- 1358  (Talk) 05:01, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, it should be. And it's something minor enough that you're encouraged to fix it when you see it in the process of your review. "Sofixit," as the Inqs like to call it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:47, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * I wasn't sure about it, so I decided to ask. And I'm aware of sofixit. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:04, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed now. -- 1358  (Talk) 13:06, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Vooz Nooxoo Una

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 02:22, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The amazing plant man!

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Add this guy and Blackhole to your RPG campaign, and your players'll say if this is Spider-Man: The RPG --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:54, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  (Talk) 17:49, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:00, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Completely. Awesome.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Keep up the good work. :)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:55, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro and his interest in pre-Saga RPG's
 * 2) * A bounty was placed on Una which was later archived in the Imperial Enforcement DataCore. Ambiguity: Was Una archived in the DataCore? Or was the bounty? Please reword
 * 3) **Reworded.
 * 4) * The RPG stats reveal other traits, including Una being a polyglot (Speaks Basic, Huttese, Rodese and Quarren), and having some medical training (Treat Injury skill).
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * The image provides more information about the visual aspect of the armor, including its color, root-like boots, mostly antropomorphic shape, shoulder pads and whatever-you-want-to-call shape of the helmet. That could also be added.
 * 7) **Added.
 * 8) *Very good job! Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:25, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review! Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 14:36, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) Just one: a slight chronolgy issue. In the bio you say he became a vigilante after the plant armor began to affect his mind, but in the intro you imply that he was originally a vigilante, even before he began wearing the armor. Which is correct?  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:40, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) *The first. I fixed up the wording slightly. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 18:52, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Kix

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 17:21, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another clone from The Deserter.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks clean. I am waiting for Hardcase and Crys to be here within the week. :P -- 1358  (Talk) 17:44, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:22, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * After landing on the planet, the Republic group spotted a crashed ship. What kind of ship (CIS, smuggler etc.) ?
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * The team found the wreckage of a crashed ship,[4] and Commander CC-2224, nicknamed "Cody," told Kenobi that the ship had crashed recently. Could you replace one "crashed" with a synonym ?
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * Are you certain that it was Kix who ferried Rex ?
 * 7) **Yes, you can clearly see that it's Kix, and not Jesse or Hardcase.
 * 8) ***Just to be sure.
 * 9) * After Kix placed a bacta patch on Rex's wound, he regained consciousness and Jesse and the other troopers informed him of what had occurred. Who regained conscuousness ?
 * 10) **Actually, it reads correctly.
 * 11) ***Well but it would be clearer if you write captain.
 * 12) *That's all from me. Good work as always.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:05, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks, Lee.

Orbital jumper

 * Nominated by: Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:39, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wrote the damn thing a year ago, might as well get around to nominating it.

(2 ACs/5 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:07, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  (Talk) 23:51, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 23:52, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Bah; forgot to vote. :P -- 1358  (Talk) 17:14, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Five user votes are totally helping. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:58, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:07, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 00:16, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Jedi Council is bored:
 * 2) * "designed for short-range applications such as intercontinental travel or transit from the ground to orbital facilities such as space stations or skyhooks.": "such as" is repetitive.
 * 3) * Can the BTS be expanded slightly, specifically with a mention of what sources it's appeared or been mentioned in?
 * 4) *Otherwise, looks good. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:52, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Fixed and added. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 16:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) It lacks some kind of first mention/appearance template. --  1358  (Talk) 12:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) *D'oh. Fixed. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 16:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Preemptive review answers: CSWE adds nothing that's not in CTD. It's not mentioned outside the BFC trilogy. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:39, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * One more: It's 335 words. 343 if you count hyphenated words separately. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:19, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Llerd

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 16:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Look at the article's edit history!

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:54, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:50, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master
 * 2) * The intro currerntly implies that it was due solely to Druur's sabotage that the ship misjumped and traveled through time, which is not true.
 * 3) **This is better, but maybe clarify that they intended to jump into hyperspace, because right now it kind of sounds like they jumped because the Jedi damaged the drive and the bridge. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:02, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ch-ch-check it out! Menkooroo 15:24, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * "When it was discovered that Druur was aboard&hellip;" Aboard what?
 * 6) * The bio is probably big enough to be subsectioned.
 * 7) * Bio: why did Druur board them? Why was he hostile?
 * 8) * Why did Hassin crash his Infiltrator into the Harbinger?
 * 9) * "&hellip;for their wayward Jedi." Please make clear that this refers to Druur.
 * 10) * "Llerd also noticed one of the ship's escape pods" Which ship's? The Harbinger or the Junker?
 * 11) * Why was he ordered to fire on the escape pod?
 * 12) * Why did Rrogon order Llerd not to scan any subspace channels?
 * 13) * "Llerd was eager to see Junker destroyed, and when it jettisoned its cargo into an asteroid, he believed that the Blade starfighters had succeeded." How did this make them believe the Junker had been destroyed?
 * 14) * You say the Flotsam appeared under Harbinger, but as I recall Marr and Relin were using the Junker. Which is correct?
 * 15) * "&hellip;that Druur was aboard the ship" Which ship? Junker or Harbinger?
 * 16) * Please link Mission to the Harbinger somewhere in the bio.
 * 17) * Please note that prose excerpts cannot be used as quotes, unless it is from an IU writing.
 * 18) *Good work. Glad to see somebody else doing a Crosscurrent nom :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:01, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **I've wanted to do Llerd for a couple months, but your Druur nom inspired me to get to it! Thanks for the review. You're right, it was totally Junker, not Flotsam. I've addressed that, and hopefully every other objection above. Menkooroo 14:51, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ***No problem. Just one objection remaining, and I'll give it another look-over. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:02, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Just one more: the main quote could probably be changed, especially since the "Destruction of the Harbinger" quote contains it.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:38, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) *Quotes are pretty sparse for the dude. And there isn't a better leading quote. Sooooo... I jettisoned it from Destruction of the Harbinger. Bam! Menkooroo 15:44, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *Also, "the" Junker is incorrect. Menkooroo 15:46, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) **That's more of a personal preference thing than a technical issue, but just make sure that your usage is consistent throughout the article. I changed it to "the Junker" as opposed to just "Junker" because you tend use "the Harbinger" throughout the article.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:50, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) ***I was going by the wookiee articles, but the book doesn't use "the" for either of them, so I'll jettison the the from Harbinger as well. Menkooroo 15:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Sounds good; just so long as it is consistent within the article :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 15:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * It's under one thousand!!!! Menkooroo 16:27, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Unidentified Aqualish (North Apartments)

 * Nominated by: SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My 8th and 9th GA noms. Hopefully with few errors.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:55, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * Unidentfied should be never used in articles.
 * 3) **Oops. Fixed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Can a article be created for the Sith base ?
 * 5) **They just call it "the base". By that, I assume they mean the Tarisian military base, but since it's not outright stated, it's a vague term. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *That's all from me. I corrected some underlinking, otherwise good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:57, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review. BTW, I know I shouldn't be talking since I missed the link myself, but the correct link to credits is Galactic Credit Standard. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) The Duchess's judgement
 * 9) *In the into, where you say "He hated the Darth Malak's Sith Empire", wouldn't it look better, and be more correct, grammer wise, to say "He hated Darth Malak's Sith Empire"? Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg <font color="Indigo">(Completely Coruscanti) 02:01, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **My mistake. Fixed. Thanks for the review. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:32, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Kasra and Tommy for help with sources. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Gorton Colu

 * Nominated by: SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I can picture it in my mind already&mdash;a titanic struggle to the death between two mortal enemies. Eyrezer leads his army of alien lovers against the forces of the Anti-Alien League. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the legend, GORTON COLU!

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 14:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:59, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:53, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 00:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farlstendoiro. Any problem with aliens?
 * 2) * "was dismissed as a kook by most". Who are "most"?
 * 3) **Adressed.
 * 4) * "I will remember you when the time to destroy the aliens and the alien-lovers is upon us!" He seems interested in slaughtering non-xenophofobic Humans, not only imprison the Humans. Am I wrong?
 * 5) **The source also says that it pains him to see them allowed to "walk free" as well. Both walk free and destroy are vague terms, so I've settled on "suffer", which he also says, as a sort of middle ground.
 * 6) * The BtS quote is captioned as "Colu and Revan". I think it might be "Revan and Colu", with Revan uttering the first line.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) * TY for mentioning WP:AS ·;) Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:01, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **Hey, I never said you guys win, did I? :P Thanks for the review. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:42, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) Lee attacks all who are against aliens
 * 11) * Gorton Colu was a crazed Human male: POV ?
 * 12) **Under normal circumstances, yes, it is, but in this case it was stated in the CSWE.
 * 13) * Gorton Colu was an elderly male Human who lived on the Outer Rim world of Taris. Well, he wasn't elderly during his whole life. Possible changing it to by the time of 3,956 BBY was elderly or something.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) *Otherwise very clean. Time for this guys ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:03, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) **Thanks. The Jedi and Sith are already as big as they will get (I was the original creator of those articles), and I'll do the Mandalorian as soon as I GA every single guy on Taris and Tatooine. Which could be a while. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:42, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Jaunty Cavalier

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:00, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A jaunty Cavalier (One) brings you a Jaunty Cavalier

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Grunny  ( talk ) 10:37, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Barel Ovair

 * Nominated by: &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to nom something simple this time. This article is paired pretty closely with Eison Gynt and has only one appearance/source. Looking forward to your comments and objections.

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Much improved. An interesting read. I like. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:55, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:27, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *You're missing needed information in both the intro and bio. I.e, He was a Human male.
 * 3) **Added human male to description. Not sure what else would be missing, as the timeline was light on biographical information such as place of birth, etc. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***"Human male" was all that was needed.
 * 5) * "As a Jedi Master, Ovair took a promising" "promising" sounds like poi/OR, if anything. Are you sure that he was described as "promising"?
 * 6) **Exact quote from transcript: "widely considered to be the most promising padawan in the order". &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * You say he has taken a Padawan in the bio, but it's not mentioned in the intro. You also mention that he was a spy, and among other things in the intro, although they aren't mentioned in the bio.
 * 8) **Elaborated on actually "taking" a padawan in the intro and not simply having a padawan. Elaborated on why he was spying in the bio and not just that he was a "sith infiltrator". &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Gynt returned several years later" Returned where?
 * 10) **Clarified that he was resurfacing on Coruscant. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) |
 * 11) * When you say that Ovair was "defeated" in both the intro and bio, do you mean that he was killed? Please, clarify.
 * 12) **Clarified that Gynt was killed by Ovair. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) * The improper usage of the "Equipment" section could be merged with the "Power and abilities," sine it only contains a single sentence.
 * 14) **Merged. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Ovair was a Jedi Master from a respected family line of Jedi. He was also a trained Sith infiltrator of the Sith Emperor." These should be mentioned with the bio, rather than the Power and abilities section.
 * 16) **Moved. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) * If he did speak and if he was mentioned by others, then the article needs a P&T.
 * 18) **He did not speak. He was seen only in flashbacks and the events were narrated by Gnost-Dural who did not speculate on his motivations or describe his personality. If I were to attempt to add a P&t section, I would only be able to describe him physically. Should I do so? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ***If he's not directly/indirectly mentioned, or did not speak to anyone, a P&T is useless, then.
 * 20) *Please watching your linking. Also, note that "Padawan" should be capitalized.  JangFett  (Talk) 22:46, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) **Yes, I saw you make those changes in your copy-edit. I will run through the article again to make sure the linking is correct. Thank you for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) If it is not stated that his master was the Sith Emperor, it shouldn't be in the infobox. Possible more to come.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:07, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *Hmm. Not sure who added that. Thanks for the catch! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:35, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) Soresu
 * 25) * What do you mean when you say his eye colour is brown and yellow?
 * 26) **Some images in the timeline show them as brown, but after Gnost-Dural declares his allegiance to the Sith Empire, they appear orange-yellow. I am assuming this is a portrayal of dark side corruption as seen in Darth Caedus. I have elaborated on this in the infobox. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) * Try to keep paragraph length similar. That first paragraph in the bio looks glaringly out of place.
 * 28) **Good point, combined. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Then one day. This sounds unprofessional. Use something else like "on one of their missions".
 * 30) **It's also kind of a weasle-word phrase. Struck. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) * Bio should probably mention species and gender as well.
 * 32) **Added. Also, "human" is not capitalized, correct? &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Actually, no, all sentient species' names are capitalised. I fixed it up. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:55, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Oh! My bad, good to know! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 02:56, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) * Instead of revealing the purpose of the mission to Yavin at the end, as one would in the source, explain his motives as you write of the events, while noting that his Padawan, or whoever, were unaware of them. It's more encyclopedic.
 * 36) **Good advice. Altered the text to be more clear about his dual role throughout the events. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) * Is it known what he's doing in that image? If it's anything of significance it should be in the bio.
 * 38) **Double-checked and confirmed that it was Ovair being debriefed after dueling and slaying Gynt. I modified the language of that section to more closely resemble that of the transcript. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) *Notes on a few things I fixed up. Image and quote captions should have periods at the end if they are full sentences, the galaxy should be linked, and previous ancestors is a little redundant. Overall though, it's well done. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) **Thanks! And thank you for the review! I will address those last two points later tonight. &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) **Okay, last two points addressed, thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 23:32, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Eison Gynt

 * Nominated by: &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:36, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Trying to nom something simple this time. This article is paired pretty closely with Barel Ovair and has only one appearance/source. Looking forward to your comments and objections.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Way too many images. --  1358  (Talk) 19:40, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Cut it down to one image. (Cried a little in my heart, because they're all just so pretty.) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 19:46, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Missing vital info in the bio, like species and sex. Sentient species, like Nautolan, are always capitalized. I will possibly give the article a full review. -- 1358  (Talk) 08:10, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) *Information in intro expanded. Made sure that "Padawan" and "Nautolan" were always capitalized. Thanks for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Bio has still no info about this. -- 1358  (Talk) 05:00, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Doh! My apologies. I checked the intro and didn't look at the bio! I have added it to the bio. Thanks again! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 22:12, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Date and place of death are missing in the infobox. Possible a full review later.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:05, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *Added place/year (circa) of death according to source. Thanks for the review! &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) If he was possessed by Sadow's spirit, the Sith Empire (or at the very least, the Sith in general) should be listed as his affiliation. Also, I believe he warrants a Sith infobox for the same reason.  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:03, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *There's currently a discussion about this on the article's talk page. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:06, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) **I'll strike then. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:44, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) ***I have no preference, and will change it to whatever is decided on the talk page. (and thanks for the review!) &mdash;fodigg  BlackRebelStarbird.png (talk) | 03:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Thirsty Bantha

 * Nominated by: Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eh. --Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) After a short IRC review. -- 1358  (Talk) 08:08, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Duchess looks it over
 * 2) *When you say in the into, "lest something bad happen to Thirsty Bantha", what do you mean by that? What bad thing precisely was going to happen? Also, the entire article isn't sourced at all. In the "History" section, 4th paragragh, you say that "who demanded to be served mass amounts of drinks", did you mean "massive amounts of drinks"? <font color="Indigo">Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg <font color="Indigo">(Completely Coruscanti) 23:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **The article only has one source, so does not need to be sourced. --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Per Eyrezer. The game does not specify what bad thing would happen. The usage of mass is perfectly acceptable. --Imperialles 06:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Gektl

 * Nominated by: jSarek 05:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Operation Clever Girl comes back from retirement to bring you Stafuv Rahz's species, a veritable Tiss'shar Lite! Thanks to Havac, Hydro, and Trak, who helped me with the images. jSarek 05:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Just from a quick glance, please kill that redlink in the intro. I'll give the article a full review soon.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:18, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *D'oh! Right, "no redlinks in the introduction." Fixed. jSarek 23:40, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Cha Niathal's assistant

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:09, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: another quickie; the only mentions of this assistant are in the two given quotes, so there is no info for a P/T

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) So clean.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:38, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) She got what she deserved. Her death was an apology for LOTF.
 * 2) *I know generally you aren't supposed to do this, but perhaps the word "individual" should be bolded in the intro. "This assistant served as a personal aide" is really redundant.
 * 3) **I disagree; I don't really feel that it's that redundant, she was an assistant (that's her "profession") who served as a personal aide to Niathal (what she did in her life).
 * 4) *Is there an article on Cha's trial? Even though it couldn't take place, it was still planned and notarized apparently.
 * 5) **No there is no article, nor should there be one. It never took place, and there is no indication that it was ever fully planned-out. No judge is known, no defendant is known. There would be nothing to put in the article except to say that it was a trial that never took palce.
 * 6) *Other than that, great. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 20:06, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:21, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

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Jurokk

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:03, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Interesting article (Darth Vader's first Jedi kill). Thanks to Master Jonathan for the pre-nom review and the copy-edit

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 * 1) Please use proper quote templates. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *I don't understand your problem. It is a proper quote template.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **I fixed this, Lee. Please watch out for this in the future.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Can't believe someone beat me to him
 * 5) *"In 19 BBY, It was revealed that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine" Be a little bit more specific. The galaxy at large doesn't know he was a Sith.
 * 6) **Clarified.
 * 7) ***Revealed to whom? The first choice would be to say "Windu," but the Jedi Order itself would be more appropriate.
 * 8) *Link to Operation: Knightfall in the Intro
 * 9) **I don't see where and why
 * 10) ***Jurokk was its first victim so its relevant. Do what you did in the body, move past his death a little and say Vader went inside.
 * 11) *Maybe a link to the 501st Legion
 * 12) **Not relevant
 * 13) ***I don't mean put "501st Legion" in the text, pipelink it. And of course its relevant, they were part of the assault.
 * 14) *The P&T starts abruptly, ease into it a little more.
 * 15) **Better ?
 * 16) ***Not really. Begin with something like "Jurokk, a male Jedi, became a Jedi Master..." Just take it a bit slow.
 * 17) *"Windu trusted Jurokk enough to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of Jurokk." Double "Jurokk"
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) *A little context on his Gate Keeper profession in the BTS, please.
 * 20) **There is not really context on it except the word itself.
 * 21) ***Well, it's the guy who watches the main gate all day. Something like that would contextify it.
 * 22) * "Although skilled in the Force" The novel doesn't say he was skilled in the Force.
 * 23) **Changed to Force-sensitive which he definetely was. But he had to be skilled in the Force if he reached the rank of a Jedi Master.
 * 24) ***Not neccisarily.
 * 25) *In the BTS, you don't have to ref an OOU statement if the sentence has the source in it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:47, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) **Well, but I like it so. Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:53, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) Fett
 * 28) *" In 19 BBY, Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker revealed that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine was secretly the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious." How is this line even relevant to him? Also, revealed to who?
 * 29) *The next two sentences in the intro need clarifying. "asking what happened" Then you say, he saw troops and then he asked "asked what's wrong". Please fix this.
 * 30) *Why do you pipe link the three Jedi Masters in the bio? If anything, the proper use of the mdash would be sufficient.
 * 31) *"Jurokk once again asked Skywalker if something was wrong and saw thousands of clone troopers behind Skywalker." "Jurokk again demanded to know what happened." You never mentioned that he asked if something was wrong previously in the bio. Also, please be careful. Specifically the second paragraph of the bio is too pbp.
 * 32) *"The male Jurokk reached the rank of Jedi Master and was appointed Gate Master." This doesn't belong in the P&T.
 * 33) *"Windu trusted Jurokk enough to leave the defense of the Jedi Temple in the hands of the Gate Master." This is centered on Windu's poi, rather than Jurokk. You're suggesting that Windu trusted him. This isn't his P&T.
 * 34) *Possibly more to come, Lee.  JangFett  (Talk) 03:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Crik

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:16, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Jerjerrod figure from Purge: The Hidden Blade.

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Drophan

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:22, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Massassi warrior from Crosscurrent

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Gruna

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 23:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An exceedingly minor character. Short and sweet.

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