Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Erisi Dlarit

Erisi Dlarit

 * Nominated by: — Hunter Kahn  14:54, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A much hotter spy than this guy...

Jujiggum's prelims

 * Please use the Ref tag in the infobox. Let me know if you want help/aren't sure exactly how to do this.
 * Done. — Hunter Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Context for Corran Horn in the intro.
 * Added. — Hunter Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * "At the New Republic recaptured Coruscant, Dlarit provided Horn's starfighter codes to Isard, which resulted in Horn's capture and imprisonment about the Lusankya." "At the New Republic recaptured Coruscant?" "About the Lusankya?" Huh?
 * Should've been "aboard". Dumb mistake on my part. — Hunter Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Dlarit helped slow down treatment of the disease by betraying a bacta convoy in the Alderaan system, which was subsequently destroyed by Warlord Zsinj." The Alderaan system was destroyed by Zsinj?
 * Teehee. Reworded. — Hunter Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Remember not to link subjects in picture or quote captions unless the subject does not appear anywhere else in the article. I got the first couple of these in my copy-edit, but please go through the rest of the article and fix the rest.
 * Got rid of the photo caption wikilinks. — Hunter Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * No article for her uncle?
 * He's not identified by name in the work. It's simply said that her uncle was a prominent investigator. I'm not really keen on the idea of an "Unidentified Erisi Dlarit uncle" article, but if you want, I'll make a stub of it and wikilink to it... — Hunter Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * "&hellip;and a strong sense of superiority in those she considered below her social class." So she thought that those beings who were below her status in social class were superior? This doesn't make sense.
 * Changed from "in those" to "over those". — Hunter Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * First sentence of the final paragraph in the "Early life" section: check your grammar.
 * Another dumb mistake: "loyalty" should have been "loyal". Fixed that and made a few other adjustments. — <font color="#C0C0C0">Hunter <font color="#595454">Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Please add her species and gender to at least the body, if not both the body and the intro.
 * They were already in the intro, but I added it to the first sentence of the body as well. — <font color="#C0C0C0">Hunter <font color="#595454">Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll continue reviewing the article once you address these. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Talk ) 01:47, September 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks! — <font color="#C0C0C0">Hunter <font color="#595454">Kahn  03:07, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

ToRsO's thoughts
Intro
 * "Dlarit became spy for Imperial Intelligence Director Ysanne Isard". Became spy? And I believe at that point in time Isard was no longer the director of Imperial Intelligence.
 * I believe she was still director at this point, since everyone still referred to her as "Madam Director". But I've changed it anyway.
 * "At the New Republic recaptured Coruscant," Shouldn't it start with When?
 * Context for Krytos virus.
 * Context for Lusankya.
 * Context for Fliry Vorru.
 * I'll get to the rest later. ToRsO bOy 23:50, September 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * I think I've addressed them all so far. Thanks! — <font color="#C0C0C0">Hunter <font color="#595454">Kahn  05:34, September 11, 2010 (UTC)