Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * History
 * Queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 5) Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."

Also remember to add Nominated at the top of the article you are nominating.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.

(0 Inq/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) I'M BAAAAAACK! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:28, 28 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:48, 30 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) another tribute to the phenominal capability's of collaborative writing (i.e. wookiepedians) and deserves to shown on the front page for that alone. Wilhelm screamer 02:06, 6 January 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) There are several instances where the text refers to the armor as being "donned" by Anakin/Vader. Wouldn't it be more accurate to say it was forced upon him by his circumstances and Sidious, who created and ensconced him within it without Vader's permission? -- Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:17, 28 December 2007 (UTC)
 * Maybe so, but it's 93 characters shorter; and I believe I fixed it. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  23:21, 28 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) Did not read it yet, but Image:Empire Vol 3 043.jpg' seems out of place. Those...things in the background are odd. However, if a better one can not be found, I'll understand and strike my objection.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:29, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * Perhaps so. Solution 1: Get in tighter on his arm. Solution 2: Pick another image that has something to do with the text near the disputed image, and I can't seem to find an image that fits that. I will crop, and see if that helps. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:52, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * Is that better? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:55, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 2) * The intro should be expanded to more thoroughly cover the information provided in the main body.
 * Lengthened. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:22, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) * Image:Vader_helmet3.jpg needs source information. Image:WithinMask.jpg needs a rescan. Image:BatsignalVader.jpg needs to be cropped; the frame is visible. Image:Dvbones1.jpg also has a visible frame. Image:A36xo.jpg could use a re-upload with better res. Image:Clone_Wars_Vol_9_135.jpg could use a rescan, and the frame cropped out.
 * I believe these have all been addressed. I could not get a better res of Image:A36xo.jpg, so I replaced it with a different image. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:57, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * If you'd like, I'll replace Image:A36xo.jpg with a HD version. Also, is there any particular reason you used Image:WithinMask.jpg instead of Image:Vader's_helmet_internal.jpg? I can highdefify that one too. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:18, 30 December 2007 (UTC)
 * If you could, I'd appreciate it. As to the reason I chose Image:WithinMask.jpg instead of Image:Vader's_helmet_internal.jpg was because I can see more in the first one. In the second, you see two spikes, and the rest is black. It would probably be better if it was high-deffied, and probably done a few seconds beforehand in the movie. When the mask gets at the angle where the glare is bright, like in Image:Vader's_helmet_internal.jpg, it blurs the mask. In the few seconds beforehand, there is a really good shot of the inside. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  17:53, 30 December 2007 (UTC)
 * I can't rescan Image:Clone_Wars_Vol_9_135.jpg any better than it already is. If anyone can, I would appreciate it. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:24, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * Maybe Image Junkie # 1 or Image Junkie # 2 can help you out. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:43, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) * The BtS seems disjointed; I'm not a fan of the one-sentence paragraphs. Please reorganize. Also, is that all you could come up with for BtS information? Darth Vader's armor is iconic. A nice OOU quote for the BtS can be found, at the very least.
 * I watched the III audio commentary, I watched the Chosen One featurette, I watched EOD, I watched the little II preview BTS things, and I looked through DAG. All that I found I put in the article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:50, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) * Could a scroll box be added for the notes and references so that they do not overlap so?
 * Added. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:00, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) * Graestan ( Talk ) 05:59, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) Here's where Graestan gets a little more detail-oriented:
 * 3) * First sentence of intro should be rewritten. Emphasis on title of article's appearance should be dropped in favor of a sentence more flowing and less redundant. Stating that it is armor after calling is armor will not do.
 * 4) **Changed to 'suit.' - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***...and Topwara changed it back. I don't want to start an edit war over it. I'll see if I can change it in any other way. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:06, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "The ability to be truly Human again" smacks of original research. Wasn't he aware that he could not be fully biological again?
 * 7) **Changed to be more specific. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * Present tense in the last sentence of the second paragraph of "Description."
 * 9) **Fixed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Anything more on the chain? Is it purely decorative, or does it have function?
 * 11) **Nope, nothing more on it. It looks as if its just for decoration, but I don't know of anything that says anything for or against that theory. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *Mention the switches on his control box. Star Wars Technical Journal goes into it, I believe. In fact, you really should look at that source; if I remember correctly, it offers quite a bit.
 * 13) **I'll have to find someone who has access to that. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * One-sentence paragraph on the heart should be merged into the middle of the above paragraph.
 * 15) **Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Please remove weasel word "apparently."
 * 17) **Vaped. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * Vader suffering pain on the loss of his hand sounds speculative. How do we know for sure he was expressing pain?
 * 19) **Good point. Deleted. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Nix any mentions like "remains a mystery." State what we do know, not what we don't.
 * 21) **Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * "As for his hearing" reads amateurish.
 * 23) **Changed wording. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Paragraph on nutrition has some redundancy to be worked out.
 * 25) **I believe this is taken care of. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * "Limbs" has insufficient sourcing&hellip;Episode IV does not mention anything about Vader lifting people using only the Force. In fact, you need to check over the whole article for such things; if I find another I'm going to be rather upset.
 * 27) **Thank you for pointing that out, I found another similar tidbit and deleted that one, too. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Remove parentheses; they read like a casual aside. Punctuation can accomplish just as much and more.
 * 29) **Nixed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * "Vader's breather seemed to have an automatic mode that could be more thoroughly independent of Vader's will or mind than the unconscious breathing reflex of a healthy Human. This mode was most peculiarly manifest on occasions when Vader spoke and breathed at the same time."&mdash;Smacks of OR
 * 31) **More objectively stated. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * "The droids spent many days remaking him; the Ubrikkian "Galactic Chopper" DD-13 oversaw the installation of his cybernetic implants, prosthetic limbs, and synthetic organs, and the FX-9 performed numerous blood transfusions and stabilized the terrible damage done to Vader's eyes, vocal cords, scalp, face, arms, legs, and especially his lungs, which had been scarred, and were now mostly dead alveoli and constricted passages."&mdash;Exceedingly long and ponderous; break up.
 * 33) **Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * Redundancy between the last and third-to-last paragraphs of "Origin."
 * 35) **Merged and culled. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * "Probably intentionally missing his chest plate to go for the softer material beside it"&mdash;Speculation.
 * 37) **Fixed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Whether or not Kadann is false is moot in this article.
 * 39) **Removed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) * The two one-sentence paragraphs need to be fit into other ones in "Discomfort and limitations." There are suitable homes for them.
 * 41) **Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * First paragraph of "Lighsaber combat" cannot be adequately sourced&hellip;I don't remember Ataru or Soresu being mentioned in that book.
 * 43) **I can't find it either. Deleted. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:03, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) ***It is in Dark Lord: Rise of Darth Vader. The words "Ataru" and "Soresu" aren't used, but it's there. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:59, 8 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) * Graestan ( Talk ) 18:48, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) From the Grey of Man:
 * 47) * Is there a specific reason why the Appearances redirects to the Anakin Skywalker appearances? Unless I'm missing something, I don't see why the Darth Vader appearances can't be copied into this article to avoid a needless redirect.
 * Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:24, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) *No info from Perfect Evil which sees Vader's armor take a severe beating from a lightsaber totting Tusken. It seems slightly significant to mention, IMO.
 * Yes, that would be important... but I don't have access to the comic. Do you know of anyone who does who can put that into the article? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:24, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * Greyman ( Paratus ) 05:24, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) Some things:
 * 2) * In the "Design" section, silver is not a "color." It is a shade of grey, which, as a mixture of black and white (I think black is a shade...), is a hue. Try and reword. Later on, you say the same thing about "grey." Grey is not a color.
 * O.o Okaay. Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:14, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) * The opening quote is not one of Vader's thoughts. It's Luceno's own prose. Try finding an actual "thought," which is represented in the novel as italicized print. I suggest, "This is not living," the line that immediately precedes what you have, on pg 63. You'll see the difference of how that is an actual thought.
 * If you say so... - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:14, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) * I would personally like to see some kind of description of how Vader's helmet was a "death's head" representation, as I recall this being a common descriptive term in several sources.
 * I haven't noticed, and wouldn't that be considered POV or too prose-y? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:14, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) **I would say, no, that "death head" is simply a descriptive term, but I missed the line where you compare the helmet to a skull. That's the same thing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:39, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) * Unless I've missed it, I saw nothing mentioning how the suit was a)designed by Palpatine himself (I believe it was), and b)used by him as a tool to keep Vader "down," to emphasize his own superiority, though this may have simply been Vader's own suspicions
 * I nearly killed myself going through the novels and comics looking for stuff about Vader, and I don't recall seeing anything mentioned (un-speculatively) about those things. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:14, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) **I may be wrong on it being designed by Palpatine. I couldn't find anything in Dark Lord, but as far as the second part, from pg. 79, if you have Dark Lord, Luceno writes, "Or...had Sidious deliberately engineered this prison?" in reference to his limitations. Try to include some information on this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:51, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) ***Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  04:47, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) * Go through and try to make links for each appropriate term.
 * Done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:58, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) **It's best if each link reflects the exact title of the page it links to. As an arbitrary ex, don't just put a link around "Leia." Make sure it links to "Leia Organa Solo." I've cleaned up a good portion of the page in this manner, but try to finish up the rest for the sake of HTML perfection. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:39, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) ***You don't need to do anything to "durasteel," for ex, since that is already the title of that page. Just incomplete names, like X-wing should link to T-65 X-wing starfighter. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:14, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) ****I think I've completed that. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  04:47, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Make sure each picture and quote caption is properly punctuated, meaning commas and periods, specifically.
 * I believe this is taken care of. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:07, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) **I went in a finished this up for you. For future reference, periods should be avoided in quotation captions. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:39, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) *All in all, well researched. I'm not sure how much everyone contributed, but someone took a lot of time and effort to put this thing together. I especially enjoyed seeing everything presented properly from the Shadows of the Empire novel. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:52, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * Thank you. Most of the people helped me get information, or copied information from sources I could not get a hold of myself. Ataru provided constructive criticism, and Gonk helped me cull the speculative parts and made sure that I properly portrayed the technology. The text was mostly me. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:07, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 1) Some more things
 * 2) * The first phrase of the intro...was it "essentially" a mobile life support system, or was it a mobile life support system?
 * 3) **Fixed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  05:46, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I made a few extra changed to remove some redundant phrasing. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:30, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * Per good writing of any sort, when referring to a person initially, use their full name. All subsequent mentions of that person should include their last name only. Make sure you go through and fix anywhere where someone's first name only is used, and replace it with their last names. They aren't our friends. For future reference, you can apply this also to how you link things. It's best to always refer to something first by its official title, for ex, the T-65 X-wing starfighter, and every mention from thereon can just use "X-wing."
 * 6) **Okay, I believe I've done this. There are some instances when I used 'Luke' or 'Anakin' after their initial mention, but only to rid any confusion as to which Skywalker I'm talking about. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  05:46, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Yeah, those are fine. Good job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:30, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * I'm still concerned for some of your quotes. You need to make sure that anything you use for a quote is truly either spoken dialogue or something presented in italics that is clearly a thought. First, the Palpatine quote under the "Design" section - can you confirm that that is not prose? Secondly, Vader's "thought" under the "Meditation spheres" section. Simply by the way this is presented in third person tells me it's prose and not a direct thought. That needs to be replaced.
 * 9) **I personally don't see anything wrong with 'narrative' quotes if they are presented from someone's point of view other than the author's. The original intro quote does much better than the one we have now, and it was his thoughts. As well, the quote under 'Meditation spheres' is in the III novel, in a section whose header is, 'This is what it's like to be Anakin Skywalker.' Everything under that header is thoughts, except the italics, those are the dialogue. As well, the one under the design follows a sentence that says that 'to the shadow [Sidious], it was&hellip;a magnificent jewel box [&hellip;]' It is presented as what Sidious was thinking. Stover writes some of his stuff funny. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  05:46, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Putting prose into quotes doesn't work because they simply are not quotes. It defeats the purpose of having quotations in the body of the article. Only include that which is presented to us in actual quotations or in italics, both symbolizing verbal speech, be it extroverted or introverted. While this doesn't appear to be "official policy," upon some checking, I've seen others attempt to do as you are doing, and it was frowned upon. I'm going to start CT after I finish typing this. Feel free to ask some Inqs about doing as you see fit. I understand what you are saying, where some non-quotation text can be used as a quote, but this doesn't work for what you are trying. This would work in the form of someone's memoirs, or a journal, for example. And, this may be a mistake, but the quote under the Meditation section is sourced from Dark Lord, not the Episode III novel. If it's presented in third person text, it's clearly a third person/outside description, not his own thoughts. There is a difference. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:30, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ****I think I'm understanding you. I'll try to find something else. As for the quote I said was from the ROTS novel, I was confused, I thought you were talking of something else. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:50, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Also, I'm really a big proponent of Graestan's efforts to clean up the BTS sections around here. See if you can't sub-section the BTS. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:39, 31 December 2007 (UTC)
 * 13) **If I have understood you correctly, this is done. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  05:46, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Added another section to split up canon and non-canon appearances. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:30, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) Now some nitpicking
 * 16) * I'm seeing too many instances where something is linked twice within the article. Link it once in the intro, and one again in the article. Go through and make sure everything is linked only once, in its initial mention, and no where else.
 * 17) *You make alot of mentions to minor characters that I personally, having never read some of these things, have no idea who they are. Now imagine a casual Star Wars fan, who probably doesn't know who anyone is outside of the films. Who is Koffi Arana? Xora? Go through and make sure some kind of description precedes each individual, even those most familiar to us; i.e. "the bounty hunter Boba Fett," "the racist senator Strom Thurmond," whatever.
 * 18) *I know I've stripped you of some major quotes, but see if you can't dig some up somewhere. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:22, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *I just noticed this. There is no mention of how Luke Skywalker dons a virtually identical suit, sans the helmet, of course, to his father after turning to the dark side in Dark Empire. Significant enough to warrant a mention, at the very least. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:37, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *If memory serves, the novelization of A New Hope includes a sequence during the scene where Vader confronts Leia aboard the Tantive IV in which Leia defiantly spits on Vader's mask, and her saliva sizzles as if the mask is hot. Interesting enough to be included. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:25, 2 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *Make sure you include a list of actual sources that the suit appears in, and then make sure each source is presented chronologically in respect to when it was published OOU, not by IU timeline. Upon a cursory glance at the source list on the List of Darth Vader appearances article, that list is not in proper order, so copying and pasting will only solve half of the problem. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:59, 2 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *The Appearances list needs to be formatted correctly. And researched a little more thoroughly, I might add. Thefourdotelipsis 07:32, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Now you'll need to go in and clean up AdmiralKadann's latest edit to the BTS Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:39, 4 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) *Additional cleanup will be needed as others make edits in your absence. Hope you haven't crapped out on us, Solus! Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:28, 9 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *I see nothing from Allegiance, which describes Vader's ability to see in the dark through his optical enhancers; and, his inability for that matter, in the moment his mask requires to adjust to sudden lighting changes. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:22, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *Solus, you're really falling behind, bru. It's up to you if you want to keep the new pic added to the BTS, but it will need to repositioned. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:50, 30 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *Make sure the BTS includes something about Vader's armor in all prevalent media sources...I see nothing from the movie Spaceballs Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:26, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) Two things:
 * 29) *"A symbol of evil that would survive forever" is POV.
 * 30) *This (bottom of A Dark Religion) provides us with some info on the Glove post-Trioculus. Although never stated, it can be presumed that Fake Kadann got his hands on the glove, and brought it with him back to space station Scardia after escaping the Lost City of the Jedi, where Azrakel and Makati killed him (Who's Who: Imperial Grand Admirals). Evil Never Dies states that Azrakel was armed with "Darth Vader's prophesied gauntlet" when he murdered the real Kadann some time later. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 08:14, 7 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) There should be a sources section also. --Eyrezer 21:46, 21 January 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Kudos to Ataru, Gonk, 4dot, and a crumb to Culator. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:28, 28 December 2007 (UTC)
 * What did I do? -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 23:34, 28 December 2007 (UTC)
 * The Dark Side Sourcebook. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  23:42, 28 December 2007 (UTC)
 * An amazing article, but on a quick read I noticed you have Bol Chatak as male. She was a she, in fact. Harrar 11:25, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * Fixed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:01, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * With a month of inactivity on the article by the nominator, I'm another day or so away from starting an Inq vote to remove this nom. Greyman ( Paratus ) 23:54, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

(6 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nominator.  Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 18:12, 6 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 06:39, 7 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:58, 17 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:31, 24 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:19, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 01:04, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Yup.  Greyman ( Paratus ) 23:52, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) The only real objection I can think of (having read the article prior to its FAN) is the last section of the Biography, "Returning to Taris". The prose is a bit on the ponderous side and there could be more subheadings added, (for instance, =|=Death=|=) for ease of reading. -- Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:21, 6 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 02:13, 7 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Not sure which rule it's according to, but can you make sure that all the reference tags are placed consistently i.e. after the punctuation, instead of immediately before? Makes it look more professional. Also, "Final encounter at the scene of the crime"&mdash;something more concise would read better. Those two are all at a cursory glance. Harrar 21:46, 7 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 00:55, 8 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 6) * Intro could do to be shortened somewhat.
 * 7) **Chopped off a sentence and few words. Just say the word if more should be sliced. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:45, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "However, a passing Jedi on the planet discovered the young girl and suspected Raana of having of what seemed to be nightmares, to be actually experiencing Force Visions."&mdash;Break up or clarify with punctuation.
 * 9) **Broken up. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:45, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * If that's the word-for-word of the Prophesy, put it in quotes. Otherwise, convert it to the full past-tense observer.
 * 11) **Quotes placed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:45, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * If we capitalize "Knight," what about "knighting" or "knighthood?"
 * 13) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:45, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Quote in prose&mdash;bad. If you need it in there, use quotation marks and not a quote template.
 * 15) **Meh. Don't need the quote. Removed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:45, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Please either request that Culator use AWB or go over your linking.
 * 17) **I did that a while ago. Nothing is excessively linked. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:36, 11 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * Oh, how I hate the word "endgame." Can you please rename that section?
 * 19) **Er. Done...-- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 03:54, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Rather play-by-play. Could you revisit most of your prose in the bio, see if it cannot be summarized more? Also, pay closer attention to pronouns and whom they might be referring to when read by an outsider.
 * 21) **Not sure if I trimmed it enough but done anyway. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * Expand the BtS; basic appearance information, similar to that in other comic book characters, is a good start.
 * 23) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 03:54, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:25, 9 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 26) * Not a big fan of the loose quotes in the intro.
 * 27) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 17:05, 20 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Something's off with this sentence: "What the Jedi suspected turned to be true, and Krynda took it upon herself to help the young Togruta and was in desperate need of help who was at risk of losing her life." Read it over and let me know what you think.
 * 29) **Fixed.
 * 30) * Again, I don't like the quote of the prophecy formatted like that.
 * 31) **Fixed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) * Remove this: "Only trouble was that these visions were not of anything pleasant." It doesn't read well and it sounds informal, not to mention POV.
 * 33) **Agreed. Dumb. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * "Raana Tey envisioned herself on Taris while Mandalorians and Sith invaded. Raana envisioned herself struck down from behind by an individual wielding a lightsaber" Repetition of opening three words needs varying.
 * 35) **Yuoch. Bad move, Red...-- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * In fact, the verb "envisioned" is the primary verb for three sentences in a row. Please change this.
 * 37) * "he group followed, though all they found were hordes of rakghouls and Gamorrean slavers. Q'Anilia rationalized that since the involvement of Marn Hierogryph, their senses had been clouded, and the accuracy of their visions regarding Zayne was becoming clouded." Please check this sentence also for ease of reading and understanding. Double use of "clouded" could be changed.
 * 38) **Fixed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * I think certain contractions, such as "she'd" are overused and their use should be minimized.
 * 40) **Only used twice and they have since been removed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 17:05, 20 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) * The same goes with using the same non-linking verb multiple times within the same paragraph. (Doesn't apply to am, is, was, etc., but "clouded" or "envisioned", for example). It's generally preferred to use a more varied diction if possible.
 * 42) **Can't identify any points when this happens. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 17:05, 20 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) * "Raana's project involved using Lucien's father, the late Barrison Draay's company (the Draay Trust), to become involved in a consortium with other companies such as Czerka and Adascorp. " Unclear antecedents make it seem like the company is Lucien's father.
 * 44) **Fixed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) * "She became unable to sleep, and the wariness she once possessed". Sounds like this sentence is missing some words.
 * 46) **Bad referencing on my part. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 17:05, 20 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) * Excessive linking, to Jarael, among others.
 * 48) **Checked the linking and only Jarael was linked twice unless I missed something. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * ", Gadon Thek of the Hidden Beks raised their weapons and ordered her to back off. " Incorrect pronouns here, and I'm not sure which is intended.
 * 1) **Reworded a bit. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) * "Senator Goravvus emerged and asked Raana to stand down, believing it was the Beks and Zayne meant no harm." Check this over please, it doesn't read well.
 * 3) **Fixed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 17:05, 20 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * "Zayne was down and unable to defend himself, with glass shards jabbed deeply into her face from throwing Zayne into the ceiling, she informed him of how she learned of the one who would bring the Order and Republic collapse. As she was about to deal a killing blow with her and Zayne's saber, a blue lightsaber blade pierced through her back as did in her vision on the Rogue Moon. Only the user of the saber was Shel Jelavan." This is just . . . unacceptable. Read it out loud. The clause starting "with glass shards" doesn't fit in place as it should. The second sentence should say "hers and Zayne's sabers" and the third sentence is a fragment.
 * 5) **Rewritten. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Read the P&T well. It's the best written part of the article. I can't vote for this until everything matches that level of writing. This isn't an objection, but I struck it anyway  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:31, 24 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **And I thought that it'd be the worst part. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 04:05, 16 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:00, 15 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Toprawa says:
 * 10) * In the first two paragraphs, you use her full names in subsequent sentences. Unnecessary - use her full name in its initial mention, and then just shorten it to her last name for all following mentions
 * 11) **Fixed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 17:05, 20 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Same goes for the body of the article. Mention her full name initially, then only use her last name for all subsequent mentions. i.e., don't refer to her by her first name only as a matter of formality. It is okay, for example, to use her full name when starting off new subsections, but don't keep repeating it
 * 13) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 19:36, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **No...it was not done. I've taken the liberty of going through and doing it for you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:42, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Apply that same rule to everyone else mentioned. Don't refer to them simply by their first names
 * 16) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 19:36, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ***Again, you did little or nothing to remedy this. I've made the changes myself. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:42, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * This sentence needs to be reworded: "What the Jedi suspected turned to be true, and Krynda took it upon herself to help the young Togruta and was in desperate need of help who was at risk of losing her life."
 * 19) **Fixed. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 23:00, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * This line is missing something: "This vision was about The Prophecy of the Five where there would five individuals who would stand in the different alignments of the Force."
 * 21) **Reworded. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 23:00, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You created a sentence fragment. I fixed it for you, though. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:41, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * Minor article mixup: "Each other member envisioned similar events all committed by an being"
 * 24) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * Rewrite: "Their students didn't refused to believe them,"
 * 26) **Whoops...double negative. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Rewrite the last portion of this sentence; seemingly too many "ands": "The chase then took to the sky as Tey, along with Lucien, Feln, and Xamar, chased Zayne and Hierogryph and through a nearby school."
 * 28) **Ew. Nasty ands gone. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Try to use a better description than "the place": "With Constable Sowrs and her forces in tow, the Covenant invaded the place known as Junk Junction."
 * 30) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * You switch off between capitalizing "Rogue Moon" and not capitalizing it. Choose one (whatever the proper form is) for uniform--  Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)ity.
 * 32) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * Dismiss the euphemistic language, just say "kill him": "Lucien retold the story of what had happened at the Knighting ceremony, and as he was about to end Zayne's life"
 * 34) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * This last sentence is confusing and could be clarified: "Jarael and Zayne then escaped the tower and then Taris along with Camper and Gryph aboard the Last Resort, beginning a long chase around the galaxy to end the Sith threat."
 * 36) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Decap "Senator" in this instance: "Three weeks after the incident, riots began in the Lower City, and the Jedi could no longer preserve order with the constable's family taken captive and the Senator, Goravvus, missing."
 * 38) **Already done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) * Reword this: "Del and Dob Moomo, or simply the Moomo Brothers,"
 * 40) **Hm. Already done it seems. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) **Done --Eyrezer 06:43, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) * Remove the italicized print: "The two returned to their ship and contacted Tey about their captive. Tey became infuriated with the two and ordered them to stay awake and not to do anything"
 * 43) **Done --Eyrezer 06:43, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) * Decap "Senator": "The Chancellor requested that she be assigned to find Taris' missing Senator"
 * 45) **Done --Eyrezer 06:43, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Reword this sentence: "She became unable to sleep, and the wariness she once possessed"
 * 47) **Bad referencing. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) * Rephrase this sentence, abandoned what? And remove italics: "While the young Togruta claimed that they had abandoned it, the dead Padawans claimed that they never left it."
 * 49) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * This sentence is thoroughly confusing: "Zayne was among the Padawans, and reminded her of his vision—the one who confesses lives."
 * 51) **Done. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ***I changed "where" to "in which" Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:41, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Decap "Senator": "Raana managed to locate the missing Senator"
 * 54) **Done --Eyrezer 06:43, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * Decap "Senator": "Marn Hierogryph, also employed to search for the Senator,"
 * 56) **Done --Eyrezer 06:43, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Shady" is kind of POVish: "Before Goravvus and Jervo could discuss the matters of the shady dealings they had in the past,"
 * 58) **Replaced with secret. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) *The section "Mandalorians and Sith" gets really play-by-play-ish. Try and rewrite some of those paragraphs.
 * 60) **Changed some words around to sum it up. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 19:36, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) ***The fourth and fifth paragraphs of that section still need some work, particularly the fourth. It becomes really exhausting to read with each sentence starting off the same way: "Tey did this...Goraavus did this...Thalien did this..." It sounds like I'm listening to a hockey game. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:37, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Remove the parentheses from this line. If it's important enough to put into the article, include it: "Raana was able to see far into the future, and though the details (like any Force Vision) were not completely clear, she was able to see her future death on Taris at the hands of a Sith Lord."
 * 63) **Agreed. Bad move. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * Rewrite, or at least correctly punctuate this sentence: "On the WatchCircle, she may have only been second in terms of combat to leader, Lucien Draay as he was able to best her and the other members during lightsaber training as Padawans on Coruscant"
 * 65) **Done.-- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 20:44, 25 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * You're more talented/knowledgeable about pictures than I, but just from what I've seen around, you might consider removing the text from her quote bubble in the infobox picture.Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:04, 17 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) **Kept in for context...as well as being that the text expands outside the bubble lines so it would like sloppy if I tried to remove it. -- Redemption [[Image:Redemptionusersymbol.png|25px]] (Talk) 17:22, 20 January 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:08, 17 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I like. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:54, 17 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Dumb droid.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:36, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:19, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Enough 8s already! Jesus!  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:24, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa says
 * 2) * I'm not sure "cash" is the best word to use here. Cash seems to imply the real-world equivalent of paper money, and I'm not sure this even exists IU: "8t88 charged huge fees, to be paid upfront in cash"
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * The second paragraph of "Double cross" is a wee bit play-by-play. Try and trim the fat a little.
 * 5) **See about it now.
 * 6) ***Veddy nice.
 * 7) * "Pitifully" is a bit POV. Try and use a better term: "pitifully plotting to reclaim his lost body"
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * It seems like you may need an article of sort in this phrase: "while he next resurfaced with ASP droid's head on Omze's Incredible Travelling Starport."
 * 10) **I don't understand what you're saying here.
 * 11) ***Articles, as in "a," "an," "the."
 * 12) * In this context, "amazing" seems a bit POV. It could be changed to state that it was amazing to certain individuals, for ex: "He did, however, have many Human-like emotions, and, amazingly, possessed"
 * 13) **Is "somehow" any better?
 * 14) ***Si, senor.
 * 15) * Is an IR sensor and IR vision not the same thing? "He was also equipped with an infrared sensor, a microscopic imager, a holographic projector/recorder, extremely perceptive audio sensors, a concealed beam transmitter, and a broadband communication antenna, as well as a comlink, heuristic processor, improved sensor package, infrared vision, and translator unit."
 * 16) **My mistake.
 * 17) *Kudos for properly punctuating your quotations! ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:38, 17 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) **All thanks to you. ;) Thanks for the review, T&R. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:09, 17 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ***Best line of that whole game..."He is Dark Jedi."..."Jedi?"..."Dark Jedi." Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:54, 17 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 21) * "The Tiss'shar formulated various lies to tell Jerec to account for his failure as he ran to a landing pad on the moon" This doesn't quite make sense, as the droid is not a Tiss'shar.
 * 22) **Supposed to be Tiss'shar droid. Addressed.
 * 23) * "After temporarily incapacitating the Kowakian monkey-lizard, the man killed Grendel and used his lightsaber to carve open one of the hornagaunt's stomachs and retrieve the severed head". Try to avoid using "the man" whenever possible.
 * 24) **Hokay. Addressed.
 * 25) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating Day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:23, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **I wholeheartedly intend to. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:34, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 28) * Reword "the leading droid in charge"
 * 29) * Reword "every and any living beings" to clear up issues of singular/plural.
 * 30) * The word "though" is heavily overused.
 * 31) * "Jerec's minions had found a map to the valley on the ceiling of Morgan Katarn's home during the events on Nar Shaddaa; they removed them and had them brought to Barons Hed, the moon's capital city."&mdash;Huh?
 * 32) * The comma is also severely overused.
 * 33) **Any better?
 * 34) * Please don't call it a "Lambda-class shuttle" twice.
 * 35) * "Powered by hydraulic tubing"&hellip;"had hydraulic limbs" is redundant.
 * 36) * No information is referenced to "Two Peas in a Pod."
 * 37) **There's only a single mention about his head being used to kill Pic; nothing whatsoever to add to the article.
 * 38) * Graestan ( Talk ) 00:16, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **All sorted, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:49, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm back. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:08, 17 January 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:02, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:51, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:58, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Yonka.  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:20, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Yonk. Yonk. Yonk ko kyenga see. Havac 22:49, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * "Here, he served on vessels tasked with fend off pirates and defended convoys, on worlds like Elshandruu Pica." Could you reword this statement, perhaps to say that he defended convoys from pirate attacks?
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * "Kina Margath was a Rebel spy" should be clarified, perhaps calling her a New Republic Intelligence agent (with appropriate links)?
 * 5) **I've refrained from directly calling her a New Republic Intelligence agent, as she wasn't one at that point, but I've clarified it some.
 * 6) ***Fair enough.
 * 7) * Is there evidence that Yonka's protocol droid, Poe, is the same one that liaised with Rogue Squadron on Eiattu?
 * 8) **Not per se, but Wedge Antilles mentions that Poe once served Rogue Squadron.
 * 9) **I've read The Bacta War a number of times and only ever recall the one mention of Poe, by Yonka imself in the quote you input about his wardrobe. Oh well, not really an issue anyway.
 * 10) * The caption for the lead quote in the Under Isard's Rule section should be reworded; it was a direct message to Isard and should be attributed as such.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Ditto for the Personality and Traits section.
 * 13) **No can do on this one, I'm afraid; it appears as an italicized thought, directed to no one in particular.
 * 14) ***Fair enough.
 * 15) * "in the bloodbath that followed the debacle on Endor" could be reworded to substitute a more appropriate word than "bloodbath".
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * Could the lead quote in the New Republic Service be formatted as dialogue? It is rather long.
 * 18) **Done.
 * 19) *Other than that, the article looks good.-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 23:07, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thank you for your input. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:44, 27 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***You're welcome. :-)-- Goodwood [[Image:Rebsymbol2.png|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:02, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 23) *" Backed by Yonka's Avarice, allong with Ait Convarion's Corrupter and Joak Drysso's Virulence Ysanne Isard had completely monopolized the production of bacta within the galaxy, putting her in an extremely lucrative position" Fix your italics.
 * 24) * " However, the Lusankya was preoccupied fighting Antilles's forces; Yonka's ship began to float aimlessly through space." I don't like this sentence. It doesn't float well.
 * 25) * "splitting its helm in two". Now this just doesn't make sense. Did it split the hull in two?
 * 26) * " out of the nightmare situation. " weasel words
 * 27) * Is it really necessary to have Aellyn Jandi in the intro? At least tone it down some- she's not that important to the character IMHO.
 * 28) **I've toned it down a bit, though I don't think its out of place for a reasonably short intro on a character with limited info. I'll trim it further/remove it altogether if you wish, but I think it is fine as is. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:40, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) ***Acceptable. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:51, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * "He was steadfastly opposed to the harming of innocents who had nothing to do with the Rebellion, and Isard's use of the virus scared Yonka." This should either be in the P&T, or removed.
 * 31) * Destruction of Halanit should be linked.
 * 32) *Link to Thrawn's attack on Coruscant.
 * 33) *Link to Battle of Sluis Van
 * 34) *Link to Battle of Bilbringi
 * 35) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) ** All addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:40, 29 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 38) * "Yonka entered the Imperial Naval Academy at a young age, leaving his lover Aellyn Jandi behind on his homeworld, and proved to be a competent and intelligent officer." This does not flow. Please move the stuff about Jandi, or the "skilled officer" part, elsewhere.
 * 39) * "He was soon awarded the captaincy of an Imperial II-class Star Destroyer, the Avarice; although he did infrequently perform missions closer to Imperial Center, the majority of his time was spent in the outermost regions of the galaxy." This just sounds strange to me. Split it into two sentences.
 * 40) * In the second paragraph, please remove illicit, as it sounds repetitive.
 * 41) * Little later: "a place to meet and romance together" I recommend you remove "romance".
 * 42) * De-link Virulence in "Battle of Thyferra".
 * 43) *Interesting.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:07, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) **All sorted. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:13, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 46) * The comma is once more overused. Only use punctuation where it is necessary or provides needed clarification.
 * 47) **How is it now?
 * 48) * "Warlord Zsinj" should always be capitalized.
 * 49) * Reword "supplies of multitudes of."
 * 50) * Warlords such as Zsinj"&hellip;"warlord such as Zsinj"&mdash;Yeah.
 * 51) * "Leaveing"&hellip;UGH.
 * 52) * Use of full name excessive.
 * 53) * When speaking of the Ciutric Hegemony, the word "attack" is used too frequently.
 * 54) * "Yonka had his ship travel directly between the Dreadnaught and another Star Destroyer, the Direption, Yonka's starboard gunners dealt tremendous damage to the Star Destroyer, while the Freedom's port side fired upon the smaller Dreadnaught."&mdash;Run-on.
 * 55) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:49, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) **All sorted, I think. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:29, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * The Isard section suggests that Yonka was at Thyferra while Isard was still on Coruscant in Lusankya. I don't recall that being explicitly established, as opposed to his arriving when she conquered it. Please confirm. Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * "Then she went and lost Coruscant [...] He'd followed her orders and helped her establish her presence on Thyferra, but that was before he heard about the Krytos virus" -- The Bacta War. Unless I'm interpreting that incorrectly, it seems to suggest what I've added to the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Aha. Well, it could be that he simply didn't hear about it until Isard escaped with the Lusankya. I've looked through The Bacta War and the end of The Krytos Trap now, and I can't see anything to directly support the idea that Isard had a presence in the system before she brought Lusankya in. That section is probably better off being made a little more ambiguous. Otherwise, everything looks great. Havac 22:24, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I've ambiguified it some. Does it look okay now? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:33, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * In the same section, it states that Yonka was the most competent of the four captains. This simply shouldn't be there, as the Rogues clearly felt Convarion was the most dangerous. If you're referring to something specific, such as his crew being the best drilled or similar, then be specific about that. Also, if it was just opinion, try to qualify it. "Yonka felt" or "The Rogues felt". Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Clarified. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * What the hell is the attribution in the P&T quote doing? Attributions are supposed to tell you who's talking, not provide running commentary. Ease off that. Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * "Sair Yonka was an intelligent man." Says who? Havac 04:35, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thank you for your input. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 16:42, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(2 Inq/1 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) She can heterochromia my iridium any ol' time.  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 20:40, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:29, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) *Evasive Action is by Paul Ens, not Pablo Hidalgo. QuentinGeorge 22:56, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Oops, my mistake. Addressed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:10, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *The following images still need to be replaced: Image:IsardPalpy.jpg (undersized, over-artifacted), Image:Pestage_and_Isard.jpg (ditto), Image:IsardMJBTEP.jpg (both scanning artifacts and JPEG artifacts), Image:Crimson_Empire_109.jpg (holy Katarn, YUCK.), and Image:IsardGun.jpg (not horrible, but has weird vertical streaks). Other than that, nice work. I've already given it some technical and copyediting work, and added a few details here and there, so the only thing holding it up is the scans. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:08, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Lusankya one removed, Redemption has ordered the comic, should have them reuploaded soonish. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:57, 4 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 6) * ". Horn confirmed that it had been Savich who had stolen the datacards from the Rebel Continuum Void," I'm not sure this is what you mean, and I've read the source material for this statement.
 * 7) **Cleared up a bit.
 * 8) * Insufficent context on Garm Bel Iblis from Interlude at Darkknell.
 * 9) **I think I've done what you want.
 * 10) * Needs links to battles at Talasea, Borleias, etc.
 * 11) **Linked to those two and any others I noticed.
 * 12) * The fact that much of the virus was boiled off when the water supply was vaporized might be worth mentioning.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "As a form of punishment, she had the man execute each and every family member of the crews of the freighters that had joined Antilles, something which caused the man considerable distress, though he carried out her orders regardless." I'm really not sure that's what actually happened. Didn't she order him to, and then say it was already being dealt with.
 * 15) **Yeah, you're right; my mistake. Addressed, anywho.
 * 16) * More context on "debacle" at Yag-prime please. Or at least a link.
 * 17) **Little bit of context added.
 * 18) * More information is needed on her supposed relationship to Palpatine. No mention of it all in P&T.
 * 19) **Added mention of it to the P&T.
 * 20) * "Isard conferring with Palpatine at one of his functions". Change this caption please.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for your input -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:13, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Many thanks to Gonk for his cleanup/copyediting work. :) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 26 January 2008 (UTC)
 * Redemption is planning to re-upload any poor quality images this evening/whatever time it is. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 26 January 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/3 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yay for ESB articles. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:16, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash; Darthtyler http://images.wikia.com/swfanon/images/1/18/Scuba_Diver.gif Talk 01:25, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) About time an Inq read this. Brought to mind fond memories of reading ESB. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:32, 9 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Forget the template, Ataru?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 02:07, 9 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * Un-italicize Darksaber Project. Actually, you'll have to do several time throughout the article.
 * 3) **Good catch. I had based the italics on a quote from Lemelisk, but it's clear after further review that it was meant for emphasis; and no other source italicizes it as far as I can see.
 * 4) * In the first paragraph of "Description", change "of a collision eons prior to the Galactic Civil War." It sounds repetitive, as you already used it in the intro.
 * 5) **Understood, but there is no other way to gauge the true age of the field. "Eons" is a very general term to describe, presumably, hundreds of millions of years. And no source gives anything more specific than "eons."
 * 6) ***Okay.
 * 7) * "known as exogorths, or colloquially called "space slugs." "Colloquially called" seems redundant.
 * 8) **I took out "or," since that was unnecessary, but remember that articles are written for the casual visitor to our site. How many people are going to know that an exogorth is a space slug?
 * 9) * "where they hoped to deliver the captive Dark Jedi, Alysun Celz, to the Jedi High Council. Kenobi and Skywalker were able to rescue the lone survivor, Et Rex, and detain Celz." It seems as though Celz and Rex survived, yet you call Rex the lone survivor.
 * 10) **Clarified.
 * 11) * In the second paragraph of Darksaber Project, link Delta and Gamma.
 * 12) **Linked, and linked Alpha and Beta for good measure. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:02, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Refreshing.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:24, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 15) * Please remove "a virtual gold mine," or at least reword. It just sounds weird in a system that actual does export metal ore, but not gold.
 * 16) **Very true. Used a much more appropriate phrase.
 * 17) *The phrase "against all odds" is used a bit excessively in this article, particularly in regards to Solo. And it reminds one of Threepio's nattering.
 * 18) **Haha. Oh, Threepio!
 * 19) * "In fact, Solo had cleverly attached the Falcon to the backside of the Avenger's bridge tower, the last place he knew the predictable Imperial Navy would search." Bit of POVishness here.
 * 20) **Very POV. And bit of OR, to boot.
 * 21) * "distress signal transmitted from Madine's source through the HoloNet directly to the New Republic Defense Fleet prompted a response by a task force led by General Wedge Antilles." Madine's source? That's not what I recall.
 * 22) **A poor attempt at explanation. Reworded.
 * 23) * "Before the New Republic force could fully engage the Darksaber, however, the Hutt superweapon was obliterated between two massively sandwiching asteroids, killing Durga and creating yet more scattered debris among the field." IIRC, the superweapon was fully engaged and was getting pelted with turbolaser shots.
 * 24) **Fact. Reworded.
 * 25) *Excellent read overall. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:29, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Kudos to Muuurgh, Jaymach, and Culator for their assistance. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:16, 1 February 2008 (UTC)


 * It might just be me, but on the main image, the TIE Fighter looks a little weird being in the middle of the image like that. Perhaps you could get a better main image?&mdash; priceline negotiator [[Image:Priceline.JPG|20px]] 23:22, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I concur. As with the rest, impressive sourcing!  Stake black   msg 23:36, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Ideally, I would like to have a picture showing the belt's ring from afar with large asteroids in the foreground. We had an image up there similar to what I'm describing, but it looked too dark and was framed through the Millennium Falcon's cockpit, and I disliked it, so I removed it. In any case, I feel the infobox image sums up the asteroid field quite nicely: it shows us some of the larger asteroids, it shows the belt's ring in the background, and the colliding ship represents what the field is best known for - a hazard to ships. For what it's worth, it's also the main pic for the SW.com Databank entry...I stole it. :P And, at any rate, a picture of just the belt itself does not exist. I did some extensive searching thru ESB. You're going to have a pic with a ship in it, and you might as well have it displayed prominently for effect.Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:48, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I added a few new sources to the article. All the images were sourced. Not to sound too much like an English teacher, but watch the passive sentences. For example, instead of using a sentence like "Hoth was pummeled by asteroids," try "asteroids pummeled the surface of Hoth." —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:09, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for additions, X-wing. And, coincidentally, I am an English major, and I know better...not that that's saying much for my passive voice right now! Blah! :P Will make the appropriate changes. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:41, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inq/3 User/5 Total)
Support Oppose
 * 1) More Wraiths.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:03, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:23, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) &mdash; Darthtyler http://images.wikia.com/swfanon/images/1/18/Scuba_Diver.gif Talk 01:25, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) What a butch... Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:31, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 02:50, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) More more more...Wraiths, that is ;)  Greyman ( Paratus ) 01:22, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Should probably have a mention of her death in the intro. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 19:21, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Added, thanks for the catch. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:01, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Few minor things
 * 4) * Intro: "Already a BTL Y-wing starfighter ace but with a record marked by insubordination, she was among the first to join Wraith Squadron in 7 ABY and was selected for her ground vehicle proficiency and was also skilled in flying TIE fighters and X-wings." Those two ands don't work well.
 * 5) **Thought I got that earlier; My mistake. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:13, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * There's at least one or two occurrences of a missing comma in the article, i.e. "a modified CR90 corvette allied with Trigit and Warlord Zsinj, the Night Caller arrived to investigate..." There should be another comma after Night Caller (I've checked with Gonk to make sure I'm correct).
 * 7) **I'm not sure if this was taken care of by someone else, but there is a comma there. Are there any other points needing commas? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:13, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Looks fine. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:23, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Falynn one of those involved in covering up Donos's breakdown after Shiner's death? My memory's a little fuzzy on it, but if she was, it could do with a mention.
 * 10) **Falynn is not explicitly mentioned. Only Phanan, Tainer, and Sarkin are directly implicated, but I could add a brief nod. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:13, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***No need if she's not mentioned. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 01:23, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Not an objection, but any chance of those redlinks becoming blue?
 * 13) **There is indeed a good chance of that. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:19, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Again, not an objection, but at least one supporting picture wouldn't go amiss in the article, particularly one of Donos.
 * 15) **Picture of squadron crest added. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:19, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *That's all. Nice article and an interesting choice. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:40, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) Toprawa says:
 * 18) * I may be mistaken about this, but if memory serves, the Pig Trough was likened to the Death Star trench run. I seem to remember Sandskimmer feeling she could beat Antilles in their run because of her experiences flying through Tatooine's canyons...on second thought, I may just be making this up...
 * 19) **A quick search of the book reveals that this passage does not exist. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:13, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Rephrase this dead construction: "That was what the mission plan stored in Night Caller..."
 * 21) **Good point. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:13, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * Go through and reword some of the sentences that begin with "As such." You've got 4 in total, and it grows increasingly repetitive with each. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:40, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Reworded two of them. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:13, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) Minor wording problems:
 * 25) * "She was wont to disrespect authority figures for whom she did not respect..." Really?
 * 26) **How very silly of me. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:31, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * "often feeling overshadowed by the legacy of Tatooine native Luke Skywalker, often sought..." Repetition.
 * 28) **See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:31, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * "Antilles later showed her up" feels a bit like slang to me. Is there a better way to word it?
 * 30) **Changed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:31, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) * Random aside: Wraith Three could use an article, or at the very least, a disambiguation between it's "users." —Xwing328 (Talk) 02:24, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) **Page created. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:31, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***You're speedy fixes are much appreciated. —Xwing328 (Talk) 02:50, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 35) * "Sandskimmer was selected for her ground vehicle proficiency and was also skilled in flying TIE fighters and X-wings." Please rephrase.
 * 36) * "In this engagement, Sandskimmer flew into the Star Destroyer's hull to attack it from within, but perished when she became entrapped inside, and the ship crashed into a moon." What hit the moon? Her ship, or the Destroyer?
 * 37) * The first paragraph in Bio reads awkwardly.
 * 38) * In Night Caller charade: "relieving Sandskimmer, who had not wanted to destroy the obviously amateur, green pilots." Repetitive.
 * 39) *Will finish reading it later.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:33, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) **So far, all addressed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:57, 6 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Ataru, make sure you always add "the" before the name of a ship. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:06, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Cleaned up three. Thanks. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:13, 3 February 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/4 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) They told me to... -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) And rightfully so Harrar 22:09, 3 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Is he part Chiss?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:42, 4 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * You could reword this so it doesn't say "the Morgukai" twice..."A fierce and brutal warrior, Ma'kis became a decorated hero among the Morgukai, though after a decade of wearing the traditional armor of the Morgukai"
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Explain what is going on here. There is no previous mention of Makis holding any leadership position, just holding esteem among his people: "The sight of his former leader..."
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Avoiding using this sentence construction in consecutive sentences: "The Jedi fought with Vader, though Ma'kis'shaalas"
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * This is repetitive...a virtually identical clause to the one found in the previous sentence: "proving himself to be a keen and vicious fighter."
 * 9) **Reworded.
 * 10) * You make mention to the Burning Moon Range twice without really explaining what it is. Elaborate.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Elaborate on what he survived from, even though it's obvious. It helps to give the clause substance: "Ma'kis'shaalas had somehow survived"
 * 13) **Elaborated.
 * 14) * The way you introduce Tsyr as the new leader is kind of rocky. I would recommend creating a new sentence explaining this, and then go on to explain how he was not welcomed: "especially their new leader, Tsyr," Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:41, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **How about now? Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:03, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Much better. Nice job, Acky. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(0 Inqs/2 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:57, 4 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:13, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Toprawa
 * 2) * This sounds cheesy: "Just after 4-LOM steeled himself to steal"
 * 3) * Forgot something here: "Zuckuss was able to tap into the of an old coral reef"
 * 4) * Reword this. Kind of weasely sounding: "the natives did not initially appear to"
 * 5) **This still sounds a bit confusing: "the natives did initially register him and allowed him to walk through their village unhindered."
 * 6) ***Hopefully better now -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:35, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Much better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:13, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * Reword so the "and's" don't become obtrusive: "managed to find much information on 12-4C-41 and was returning it to Jabba, and 4-LOM decided to ambush the hunter en route to Jabba's Palace"
 * 9) * You should probably reword this, unless its an IU axiom that his experiences are unknown; i.e., does the IU galaxy really not know his whereabouts, or is there simply nothing published covering this time? "4-LOM's exploits for this time period are unknown, though eventually, Zuckuss left the Guild to continue his career alongside 4-LOM"
 * 10) * You said earlier that the two were "friends." Which is it?: "the two had formed a bond of sorts"
 * 11) * I would rephrase this. His title was more of an honorary title. He held no real position in the Rebellion by 3 ABY: "Han Solo&mdash;now a high-ranking officer in the Rebellion&mdash"
 * 12) * Find the actual number. I think it was 26, or something. And also explain how they were restrained in the number they could take due to the amount of air on their ship. "take the two dozen or so Rebels aboard"
 * 13) * Was it not Rieekan? "A Rebel general"
 * 14) * I'm pretty sure it was the Redemption. You should specify: "During his stay on the Rebel ship,"
 * 15) * Check for me that the ship they are on is actually the "flagship" of the fleet. I'm not so sure: "on the Rebel flagship"
 * 16) * This is unnecessary: "Zuckuss believed his companion, though Skywalker's opinions on the prospects of such a phenomena occurring went undocumented"
 * 17) * Avoiding using this sentence construction in consecutive sentences: "Tagge's plot was foiled, though the two bounty hunters"
 * 18) * Avoid using "then," like this, the ultimate indicator of PBP: "4-LOM and his partner then joined up"
 * 19) * This description just seems out of place: "the former protocol droid made repairs to himself..."
 * 20) * This transition is kind of rocky: "4-LOM and the others were able to escape from their imprisonment and he continued capturing bounties, no matter how unethical his employers were."
 * 21) * Cheesy: "so that 4-LOM could be reactivated. Reactivated, 4-LOM helped"
 * 22) * Reword this empty construction. Not the best way to start off a new section: "It proved to be the last time"
 * 23) * Avoid saying things are unknown unless, again, it is a true IU axiom: "His further exploits are unknown"
 * 24) * Specify what this "thing" is: "the whole thing"
 * 25) *You've ordered the appearances list by way of 4-LOM's own involvement in each source. Make sure you reorder them to by way of chronological order in respect to the stories themselves, not the character.
 * 26) **Which ones are incorrect? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Also, the sources list is apparently not in correct order. GG10 was published before GG3? Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:42, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **I fixed the most obvious cases but will check it thoroughly this evening. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * Make sure the source list in comprehensive. After adding two myself and now seeing that you don't have every Databank entry included, I'm getting the feeling some are lacking. Need to include Databank entries for Zuckuss, Duros and any others missing, as well as any info there might be in those entries. Also, make sure 4-LOM isn't mentioned in any Wizards articles. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:01, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) **I've added a few, but will check more thoroughly this evening. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) **All addressed, bar the ones I've commented on.-- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:36, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) *** What remains to be done: Source list is still lacking at least one Databank entry. Go to SW.com and search "4-LOM" and you'll see what comes up;. Additionally, make sure you order the GG's by way of their second edition release. I know the second edition of GG3 came out in 1996, which I'm sure is after Movie Trilogy Sourcebook. Check on GG10, too. Appearances list is not in chronological order. I'm not sure about the others, particularly Galaxies, but IG-88's TBH story begins in something like 11 BBY, yet you have it listed per 4-LOM's involvement in 3 ABY. Check all. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:03, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ****While 4-LOM for some reason appears in the excerpt of Duros in the DB when you search for him, he's not actually in the entry itself, so I've left that out. I've revised the sources section and it is in the right order, assuming the respective works' articles are correct. I've checked the appearances and made some minor moves, but it is in the correct order. As for the IG-88 thing, I conferred with Graestan in IRC, and he indicated that precedent is to have it where subject first appears. So I've kept that where it was. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:35, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Again, Redemption has ordered Underworld and will reupload poor quality image. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:57, 4 February 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) As nominator.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:50, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) A splendid little read. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:58, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * Relate this to something more specific. Sometime prior to the Galactic Civil War, for ex: "Sometime in the past, Human settlers had landed..."
 * 3) **Related.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Remove era tags. Inappropriate for a planet.
 * 5) **Removed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Same thing with this phrase. Millennia past when? "...in the millennia past..."
 * 7) **Reworded.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **After reading the BTS, I see that the dates I am asking for are left a bit fuzzy, but see what you can do. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:28, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Yeah, it is very vague. I really, really wish something was more concrete to pin upon. Thanks for the input!  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments

StarNeptune:
 * I would love to see a few pics in there, although it is not required. If you can't find anything, don't worry about it.
 * Added the one of Valara Saar that exists. That's the only directly relating picture. Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * "When the Chiss tried to approach her residence in the mountains uninvited, they were forced away by her formidable techniques." -- I'm unclear on what these "techniques" are...did she use the Force on them, or are they lightsaber combat techniques?
 * Is this better?  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * A quote at the top of the article would be good, if one can be found.
 * Unfortunately, there are no quotes about the planet that are IU. Everything that is said about it is OoU or narrative. I added the one, blanket statement by Luke Skywalker about rediscovering the planet, but I'd almost rather it not be in the article. Let me know.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually, I misspoke. There were two. I added them. Thanks!  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:59, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Other than that, I see have no major objections.  StarNeptune Talk to me! 07:04, 7 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for looking at it, Star.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:36, 8 February 2008 (UTC)