Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Murk Lundi


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Murk Lundi

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:24, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Sith wanna be.

(6 Inq/1 User/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good effort.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:59, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman ( Talk ) 07:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Thefourdotelipsis 04:27, 8 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:58, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 07:59, 14 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:47, 14 September 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * Did they find him fascinating as a person, or was it the way he taught his subject? Please clarify: "his classes were always full, as students found him fascinating."
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Responsible in what way? "and if any of his students could be responsible for the collection."
 * 5) **I think it's fairly obvious; that they had gathered the objects and possibly left them as a warning to the Jedi. I left it as is because it's hard to change it to what I just stated, but I'll work on it if you feel it's necessary.
 * 6) ***It's been rephrased.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * Is this according to his beliefs? Please clarify: "Lundi replied that the Sith were more powerful, as vengeance and power always trumped peace."
 * 8) **Yes. Added, though I'm not sure it was needed.
 * 9) * "Right before takeoff, a young man tried to get off, screaming for Professor Lundi." Should this be "tried to get aboard"? In subsequent sentences it is said that the man (Norval) was thrown off.
 * 10) **Yes. Silly mistake.
 * 11) * From Locating the Holocron: "In the middle of the night" Is this specified at all? It could mean ship's night or whatever. In any case, it could possibly be reworded as time is kept differently aboard starships.
 * 12) **Changed.
 * 13) * First and third paragraph both begin with "In the middle of the night"; perhaps one could be reworded (if you decide to reword the first instance per the previous objection, then nevermind).
 * 14) **See above.
 * 15) * "Even Lundi's insanity did not save him, though he was clearly mad." This seems a bit repetitious.
 * 16) **Removed the second part of the sentence.
 * 17) * Are any of these crimes specified? If so, please elaborate: "Lundi was ultimately found guilty of numerous crimes and imprisoned."
 * 18) **Added a bit.
 * 19) * These would seem to be the same thing, in this context, no? "He also told them that Norval was not only power-hungry, but greedy."
 * 20) **Rephrased.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:59, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *TIMMMMMBERRRRRR!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:26, 6 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) The BtS mentions about Evil Never Dies retconning the holocron to be Adas's, but the bio doesn't mention this. I also suspect there's more info missing from END. Let me know if you need help accessing END, and I'll see what I can do. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:04, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Added, thanks to your help.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) The bit at the chasm could be reworded a little to make it clearer how he lost the holocron. Catch me on IRC if that's not enough to go on. Otherwise, nice article. Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:50, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) *Added a few words. Let me know if more is needed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:38, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **Works for me. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:59, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) "In the middle of the night, Lundi left the hotel where the two Jedi were staying and made his way to a dark chasm where he had learned the holocron, which had been made by the Dark Jedi Adas millennia ago, was." - This sentence is (eventually) sourced to the Jedi Apprentice book, and it's my understanding that Adas isn't mentioned at all in that book. Also, he was a Sith, not a Dark Jedi. Also, I'm sure that in Jedi vs. Sith there would be some specifics about just what Lundi's texts contained...that information would be valuable to the article as well. Thefourdotelipsis 00:15, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *There's very little info in JvS. I've added what is there to the article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:26, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 30) * "beings in his subject on the planet." Clarify. (Intro)
 * 31) **I'm afraid I'm a bit dense; could you explain what precisely you want here?
 * 32) ***What's the subject? Is it the Sith? Is it the dark side? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:05, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ****Sith. Got it now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:07, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * "However, Lundi was driven insane by the holocron's power and was arrested by the Jedi." Clear this up-it's stated that he never actually got a hold of the holocron.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * " Soon, his popularity grew. His classes were always full, as students found him to be a fascinating teacher. His primary focus was the study of Sith history." 3 short sentences stacked up like this need some varying in syntax please.
 * 37) **Changed.
 * 38) * "His student Norval, desperate for power and knowledge, attacked him. Norval was then attacked by Omal, another student of Lundi's," Poor verbage variety in "attacked" and context needed, if available, on how Norval/Omal got there or traced Lundi's location.
 * 39) **Fixed. The book gives few details on how they followed him, just that they did.
 * 40) * Mention that Tionne also used Lundi's work as a reference when compiling her own work.
 * 41) **Fixed.
 * 42) * " although his anger had a peculiar edge to it" POV/weaselly in "peculiar". Reword.
 * 43) **Did so.
 * 44) * The BtS about his mentions could be a little more specific. For example, he didn't exactly appear in the EGTTF. He was referenced, etc.
 * 45) **Better, or not quite?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:19, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:51, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) **Thanks for the review.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:19, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) Toprawa:
 * 49) * A preliminary I notice. You apply the Sith infobox to this character, but to not indicate him as having a Sith affiliation. These would seem to go hand-in-hand, as far as I'm concerned. If you don't feel comfortable enough to indicate him as having a Sith affiliation, he shouldn't really have a Sith infobox, but something more generic. Please either add the Sith to his affiliation, or choose a different infobox. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:38, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) **He's not a Sith, he's merely an expert in the subject. I'm tempted to just use the generic character infobox. Is that okay?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:07, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 51) ***Yes, I think the generic would be best. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:45, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) ****Changed it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:47, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Please do more to specify what these "prior actions" are: "he expressed remorse for his prior actions"
 * 54) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:47, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * I made a small change here to clarify that his friend fired on the ship after learning that he, not Norval, no longer had the holocron. Please let me know if I am understanding this correctly: "Norval's ship was destroyed by another mysterious vessel belonging to an ally of his, who had fired on the ship after learning he himself no longer had the holocron." Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:45, 12 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) **Actually, it was Norval who had it. I worded that very poorly. It should be better now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:47, 13 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks for the reviews.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:19, 10 July 2008 (UTC)