Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Battle of the Rishi moon


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Battle of the Rishi moon

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 00:39, November 10, 2009 (UTC) and Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:40, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it's done. Brought to you by Jang and Jugs. :P

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. -- Xd1358  Talk 15:33, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work guys : ) Kreivi Wolter 19:58, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:44, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:25, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 11:48, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:26, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:45, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Darth Trayus
 * 2) * The sentences in the first paragraph of the intro are short and choppy. Combine those that you can.
 * 3) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * You use "Realizing" to start two consecutive sentences in the inro's second paragraph.
 * 5) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * In the intro you say Rex realized the detonator didn't work, but in the body you say it's Hevy.
 * 7) **Changed the first one to Hevy, too, but I'll have to check with Jang to be sure that it was him. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Mention the plunk droids somewhere in the Destroying the Base section.
 * 9) **Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 12:27, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Wouldn't the fleet battle be part of the battle as well and not the aftermath?
 * 11) **Well, that depends. Did it occur over the moon of Rishi? I was under the impression that it was elsewhere. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Yeah it did. I think that needs to be made clear as well, as Grievous brought his fleet to the Rishi Moon following the commando droid's initial success.
 * 13) ****Ok, hopefully addressed.
 * 14) * Is Rishi Station ever referred to as a base? If not you may want to change your section headings. It's nitpicky, yes, but more accurate.
 * 15) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Other than that all, it's a good, consise article. My only other suggestion would be to make your images larger, as they're already dark and hard enough to see anyway. Small sizes like the ones you have now simply defeat the purpose of having images in the first place.
 * 17) **Addressed; we'll get to the rest soon. Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Clone attack (most likely minor stuff until further notice)
 * 20) * Please remind me why Fives, Echo, and Hevy are listed as commanders when they hold no official rank. Also, if you're going to specifically list Hevy, O'Niner, and Cutup under the casualties, you're going to have to list all of the rest of them, which is not something I recommend trying to do.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 12:22, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Xd
 * 23) * "They came under attack from a Rishi eel, which killed Cutup before the other three clones were able to defeat it." Did they really defeat it? "Defeat" sounds like they killed it.
 * 24) **Addressed; thanks for the review. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 16:53, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *** You may want to mention one of the clones warning the others before the eel arrived, and that one of the clones shot at the eel. -- Xd1358  Talk 17:02, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****I think that would be a little too play-by-play. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:19, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "Grievous, having lost contact with the droid commandos, dispatched a team of B1 battle droid reinforcements to investigate the disappearance of the droids in the listening post." There were Super battle droids as well, I think.
 * 28) **Changed to "battle droids".  JangFett  (Talk) 22:43, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * No lead quote?
 * 30) **-- Xd1358  Talk 09:45, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Addressed; sorry about not addressing this eariler.  JangFett  (Talk) 00:40, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) The clone finally made it here
 * 33) * I'm quite sure that there were more than eight troopers&mdash;and even that isn't a definite number. Please clarify.
 * 34) **Addresed.  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) * Are you certain that all battle droids, including those with the fleet, were destroyed?
 * 36) **I clarified this a bit. It's not known how many droids were destroyed.  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) ***Please check your grammar and formatting. Hint: bullets. Also, I'm sure that this can be clarified with a more specific number&mdash;say, "all deployed droid forces" or something similar?  CC7567  (talk) 04:26, February 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) ****Ah, sounds good. Addressed. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) * "Confederate General Grievous had planned to attack the Wild Space planet of Kamino in order to end the Republic's production of clone troopers, but the Republic held Rishi Station, a listening post near Kamino on the moon of Rishi, to warn the Republic fleet of any impending Confederate attacks in the area." Linking, tense, and overall coherency are all issues here. Also, while the existence of Rishi Station is a direct threat to Grievous's plans, I'm sure that you can reword it better so that it's not presented as extraneous information.
 * 40) **Addressed  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) ***"Confederate General Grievous had planned to attack the Wild Space planet of Kamino in order to end the Republic's production of clone troopers, though, the Republic held a listening post near Kamino on the moon of Rishi." That isn't much of an improvement, considering the misused "though." Also, I'd suggest rewording the last part to something like "the listening post prevented Grievous from entering the system without alerting the Republic fleet."  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * "As they fled the base, however, the remote detonator wasn't responding": please watch your word choice and your tense.
 * 43) **Addressed  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * How is Kamino this important to be mentioned prominently in both the intro and body?
 * 45) **I'm quite sure that's mentioned better in the intro. In the body, I see that it's thoroughly explained. I saw a minor issue in the intro that caused Kamino to be less important, though, it's corrected.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Still remains. Why is Kamino so important to the Republic? It currently seems like a random planet with no value&mdash;where it does actually have one.  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * Can the Prelude image be resized at all? Making it that small and not taking advantage of it as a full image isn't very useful.
 * 48) **Generally it may fall under, though, I fixed it. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ***The only reason I repeat issues that fall under Sofixit is to either bring it to the nominator's attention or remind the nominator of them if he/she has already been told of them.  CC7567  (talk) 04:26, February 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) * Neither Nub or Droidbait are named in the episode, and it is therefore not a source for them.
 * 51) **Eh, should be the episode guide.  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * "O'Niner then left the command center of the base": left for where?
 * 53) **Addressed  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***"O'Niner, however, left the command center of the base to help Nub and Droidbait, and ordered trooper CT-26-6958, nicknamed "Hevy," to sound the alarm and alert the Republic fleet." First, I'm unsure why you're choosing to use "however" if you're not indicating any sort of comparison. Second, O'Niner can't help Nub and Droidbait if they're already dead.  CC7567  (talk) 04:26, February 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Oops, addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) *I honestly must say that the linking in the article was so sporadic that I got rather dizzy trying to fix it. Also, at a glance, I'm spotting numerous grammar errors that are still in the article. I'm stopping here and giving you time before I continue with "Retaking the station" to make sure that the article is at the absolute best quality that you believe it can be, Jang. Everything else that I have to say is stuff that I've already said countless times by now.  CC7567  (talk) 07:36, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) * "Realizing that they couldn't defeat all of the reinforcements, the clones planned to destroy the listening post with liquid tibanna." This still doesn't incorporate the main reason for the clones' destruction of the base, the one that I asked you to clarify in the body.
 * 58) **Addressed.
 * 59) ***Please try to be more concise next time. Creating a new sentence for context is often unnecessary and just makes the prose more long-winded and choppy.  CC7567  (talk) 04:47, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * Only one droid actually donned clone armor, yet you make it sound like several did. Please clarify.
 * 61) **Addressed
 * 62) * Cutup was still screaming when the eel took him away, so he wasn't dead.
 * 63) **Hope this clarifies it.
 * 64) * "When they attempted to contact the troopers within the base, the droid commandos": this makes it sound like the droids contacted the clones in the base.
 * 65) **Addressed
 * 66) * In the second paragraph of "Retaking the base," the text really doesn't match up with the episode. "Arrival at the moon" isn't same as approaching it in a shuttle, if I remember correctly.
 * 67) * Please clarify the presence of the Obex earlier instead of simply mentioning it when it was destroyed; fixing the above objection should fix this.
 * 68) * Context on how Rex and Cody left the landing pad. Did they jump? Free-fall? Break a leg?
 * 69) **"However, the clones escaped the area by leaving the landing pad, and soon they found the surviving rookie clone troopers": this does nothing to satisfy it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:47, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) ***Addressed
 * 71) * "Soon, the eel that had killed Cutup reappeared and attacked the clone troopers. With one shot to the eye, Rex quickly dispatched the eel before it could cause any more casualties." How do you know that it's the same eel? The episode definitely didn't indicate that.
 * 72) **When I asked you to fix this, I wasn't trying to get you to remove it altogether. Please re-implement it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:47, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) ***I removed it because it didn't seem relevant to the battle, but I readded it.
 * 74) * "Using a droid's head and claiming to have a faulty vocabulator, Rex convinced the droid commandos to open the main doors." Perhaps naming the specific droids might help.
 * 75) * Please be consistent on whether you decide to use "droid commandos" or "commando droids." Yes, they're essentially the same thing, but I believe consistency will help you.
 * 76) **All these objections should be addressed. I went back and rewrote the section, double checked sourcing, and linking.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:59, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) ***Still remains. Check the entire article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:47, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) ****Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:00, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) *Will continue with "Destroying the station" once these are fixed, and I will additionally be running through this article once more to make sure that everything necessary is there. Please re-watch the episode and verify that the article incorporates all of the necessary details.  CC7567  (talk) 22:27, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) * What role, specifically, did Ventress play in the preparations for the invasion of Kamino? The episode somewhat expands on this, yet the article only gives her a small side mention.  CC7567  (talk) 04:47, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) **I went back and rewrote the entire "Destroying the station" section, and also expanded Ventress' role.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:59, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) ***"Ventress told Grievous that she had infiltrated Kamino and that everything was ready for the invasion." This isn't in the correct spot. It happened during the battle when the droid captain checked in, not before it.  CC7567  (talk) 19:47, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ****Sorry about that; addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:00, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) * The excessive usages of "soon" are starting to get rather tiresome. Please eliminate some.
 * 85) **Addressed
 * 86) * "The clones tried to hold off the droids' pursuit of entering the base": "pursuit" isn't working here.
 * 87) **Addressed
 * 88) * "Meanwhile, the droids entered the listening post's main control room, but the group didn't spot any clone troopers." Where's Hevy, then? I would clarify "Hevy, who had been hiding from the droids" earlier to make it clearer.
 * 89) **Addressed
 * 90) *I will be going through this article again with you. Although I have to admit that I can see improvements, please continue to watch basically everything that I've already asked you to.  CC7567  (talk) 19:47, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) **Thanks, CC.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:00, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) Second attack
 * 93) * Is it possible for Ventress to be mentioned in the intro? No, she didn't play a large part in the battle, but she did play a part nevertheless; the mention can be brief enough to reflect this.
 * 94) **Addressed
 * 95) * Can you relate the caption for the Confederate assault quote more to the battle? It currently just seems like it's a random quote filler that has no relevancy to the battle itself.
 * 96) **Addressed
 * 97) ***As a note: quote captions are not sentences, so please do not continue to treat them as such by punctuating them.  CC7567  (talk) 20:26, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) * The infobox claims that one Droch ship was deployed, while the body states that multiple ones were. Please fix this anomaly.
 * 99) **The episode shows only one, and the guide doesn't say anything. Addressed
 * 100) * "The droid, however, was soon shot by Rex, who had noticed that something was wrong when he saw a droid attack flare in the distance." You can eliminate the rather blatant "soon" by simply making the events in this sentence chronological instead of the other way around and thereby make it less dizzying.
 * 101) **Thanks for the tip. Addressed.
 * 102) ***I'm not asking you to only remove the "soon," I'm asking you to put the events in proper chronology.  CC7567  (talk) 20:26, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) ****Ah, okay. Addressed
 * 104) *****Where is this flare coming from? The droids? The clones? Grievous?  CC7567  (talk) 21:28, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) ******Addressed
 * 106) * "After the commando droids opened the blast doors, the clones ambushed the droids and destroyed them, continuing on to ambush the other droids stationed inside the listening post's main control room." So what happened after that? Did they retake the station? The jump from here to Grievous is rather sudden and unexplained.
 * 107) **Addressed
 * 108) ***But starting off two consecutive sentences with "After" ignores the objection that I just made right below.  CC7567  (talk) 20:26, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) ****Addressed
 * 110) * Please try to avoid starting off two sentences in a row with "When" in "Destroying the station."
 * 111) **Addressed
 * 112) *That's it from me otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 04:59, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 113) **Thanks again, CC.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:35, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Comments


 * Shouldn't it be "Battle of the Rishi Moon," or "Battle of Rishi's Moon?" —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 16:22, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * "Battle of the Rishi Moon" currently redirects to this article. I'd say for better naming of the battle, this article should be called "Battle of the Rishi moon." An admin has to delete that redirect article so I can properly move "Battle of Rishi moon" to it.  JangFett  (Talk) 16:49, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * All done. :) Much thanks to GT for moving the article.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:04, November 15, 2009 (UTC)