Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Battle of Malastare

Battle of Malastare

 * Nominated by: &mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 12:35, April 7, 2011 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First nomination. Please note that I am usually online between 14:00–19:00 (UTC).

Master Fredcerique

 * The "Prelude" section is not meant for a quick overview of the battle, as far as I know. It is supposed to describe events leading up to the battle. Why was the CIS invading? Who was there before the battle? What started the battle? Things like that. MasterFred Commerce Guild.svg(Whatever) 18:51, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your review, but unfortunately, I have no knowledge of a legitimate source that contains such information. If I added things like "the Confederacy invaded because they needed fuel", that would be speculation. However, if permissible, I will omit the "Prelude" section and merge it into "The battle".&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 08:31, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * I have recreated the Prelude section, based on information from Jedipedia.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 10:21, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the wait. Been busy. That's better. MasterFred Commerce Guild.svg(Whatever) 13:37, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * Oh, it is of no concern. Thanks for the review.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 18:09, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'll try and get to the rest of the article if I can find time. MasterFred Commerce Guild.svg(Whatever) 18:17, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

Axinal

 * It is established that this conflict is part of the Clone Wars in the intro, but not the body. Please try to add this, preferably in the prelude section.
 * Can we get a quote for the prelude?
 * There's a bit of underlinking in the body; specifically, superweapon, electro-proton bomb, and palace (though you linked Imperial Palace, try to link palace as well, as it's mentioned more than once), among others. Remember, everything possible needs to be linked once in the intro, once in the infobox, and once in the main body.
 * In the first paragraph of the "Beginning battle" section, you tell us that the chancellor authorized use of the weapon, and then go on to say "However, due the turn of events, its use was required." However, you don't establish that there was controversy over the weapon in the first place until the next paragraph. Could you give this a small rewrite so readers are aware that there was controversy, but the chancellor authorized it anyway?
 * More shortly.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 17:26, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your advice. Is it better now?&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 18:09, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * Yes, excellent work. There are still a few more things I think could be linked, but I'll strike that objection until I have some more specifics.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 18:29, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * You use parentheses at one point in The Zillo Beast section; generally, parentheses are frowned upon in encyclopedic entries. Could you try to eliminate those? I like to use emdashes in cases like this, but how it's written is up to you.
 * You mention that Sionver Boll is of an "unknown species". In non-BTS sections of in-universe articles, we try to avoid stating what we don't know. You could mention that she's of a non-Human species, or just not mention her species at all, since you've already given her context as "a female scientist".
 * I gave the article a small copy-edit for some minor grammatical issues, and one link in the intro. I have just a few objections left, which I'll post here shortly.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 18:52, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * Got them. Thanks for your review.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 18:56, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * Since you mention that the battle was "one of the longest and fiercest engagements in the Clone Wars" in the intro, that should also be mentioned in the body (I know you had it in the prelude section before you rewrote it). You might be able to work it into the aftermath section. It's not terribly important where it's mentioned, just that it's mentioned.
 * Add some context on Coruscant in the intro and body. We both know it's the Republic's capital, but a new reader may not.
 * Treaty should be linked in the intro.
 * CC-7567, CC-0411, and V-19 Torrent starfighter are in the infobox. They and their roles should all be included in the body.
 * Similarly, Dug cavaliers are in the infobox, but just mentioned as "Dug forces" in the body. Again, describe what the Dug cavaliers are and what they did during the battle (this won't require a rewrite if they're covered by the "Dug forces," just make sure it's linked).
 * Link doctor and scientist in the body (they're both in the context on Sionver Boll).
 * In the intro and body, Palpatine is given context as the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Then, in the aftermath, you tell us that the Zillo Beast recognized him as a Sith Lord. Since the fact that he's a Sith Lord is important to the aftermath, you ought to mention it at least in the body (and in the intro if you wish, though that's not totally necessary). Adding it to the prelude as such should be fine: "Therefore, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine&mdash;who was secretly a Sith Lord [remember to link it there]&mdash;intended to secure the world..."
 * I believe that's all I have. Once you've addressed these, I'll give the article one more look, and then you should have my vote. Overall, nice work!&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 19:41, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

 * There is still unused information from the books (Character Encyclopedia, New Battlefronts and the Official Episode Guide 1 & 2), perhaps you can compare with the german article for what information you need. I've the article there already, so look at the references (covers are mostly the same, if you don't know). Nahdar Vebb 21:11, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * In my opinion, the battle ends after the bomb is dropped, the Zillo beast incident and its transport to Coruscant belong to the Aftermath section. Nahdar Vebb 21:11, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you very much.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 10:01, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'd have to respectfully disagree with Nahdar Vebb's second point here; the fight with the Zillo Beast is still part of the battle. The battle, in my opinion, ends exactly as it is written, with the incapacitation of the Zillo Beast. I'll be sure to give my review of the article shortly.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 18:37, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with Axinal and agree with Mr. Vebb. The battle was between the Republic and the Confederacy. The fallout from the bomb and the discovery of the Zillo beast would be part of the aftermath, as the Republic had already won the conflict when their search and rescue missions began. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 20:56, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * I agree that the battle between the Republic and the Separatists ends with the detonation of the bomb; but putting the Zillo Beast portion in the aftermath implies that it's a separate event, and thus worthy of its own article, which I'm not so sure it is. However, I certainly don't think I'd vote against the article based solely on the placement of that section.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 21:48, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'll further this point with the opening narrative from "The Zillo Beast Strikes Back": "[...]Chancellor Palpatine orders Jedi Knights Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker to transport a fearsome Zillo beast captured during the battle back to Coruscant." Note the phrase during the battle, which, in my mind, is canonical proof that the fight with the Zillo Beast was part of the battle.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 23:21, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * My thinking has always been that the Zillo Beast incident was an event that encompassed it's discovery on Malastare and subsequent rampage on Coruscant. And to be honest, I never have put a whole lot of faith in the narratives. They seem to exist more for the purposes of simplifying stories than actually providing useful information. But this isn't an issue I'm too concerned with. I would defer to CC for an opinion. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 23:59, April 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * Interesting idea concerning the incident. In my opinion, the discovery of the ZB is both an aftermath of the Malastare battle and a prelude to the rampage on Coruscant. Now my arguments: The TCWCE (page 58) states that Urus is worried about the damage done to his planet by the fighting and he takes advantage of that when capturing the beast. Then, according to the bonus report on StarWars.com, the bomb shall turn the tide of the battle, so if the bomb detonated, the battle is over (In the aftermath of the bomb [...] in the episode guide). You may say that the Dugs celebrate their victory after the Zillo Beast falls asleep, but I wouldn't like to win a battle if there's such a creature behind me. Nahdar Vebb 11:16, April 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * Let me intervene: if the tide of the battle turns, then it doesn't mean it's over; it only means that the odds have swung to one's favor.&mdash; TK-999  Era-imp.png( Rise of the Empire ) 13:54, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
 * Again, I agree with TK. A turning point, in most cases, does not end the battle, but merely changes it.&mdash; Axinal  Convocation Chamber 18:29, April 12, 2011 (UTC)