Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Seyyerin Itoklo


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Seyyerin Itoklo

 * Nominated by: -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 15:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Jedi Knight with a single mention; very very short.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 22:54, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:01, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Yes, it is. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:11, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) --Eyrezer 10:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:50, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 10:30, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) The clone
 * 2) * Is there a reason you mention his Knighting before the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, instead of ordering it chronologically? It's a bit strange, but I'd thought I'd ask you.
 * 3) **Well it's because I didn't want it to be inferred that he was promoted to the rank of Jedi Knight in 26 ABY, which seemed to be what I was saying. Anyway, I re-ordered the information, see what you think.
 * 4) * Can you check the first sentence of the P&T? The subject/plural agreement doesn't seem to be quite correct.
 * 5) **It was missing another &mdash; see what you think.
 * 6) * CC7567  (talk) 19:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the speedy review. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 22:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) The Grand Master
 * 9) * "By 26 ABY, Itoklo had achieved the rank of Jedi Knight; the previous year, however, the galaxy had been invaded by an extra-galactic warfaring species known as the Yuuzhan Vong." Rather awkward, but that might be fixed if reordered, as CC suggested above.
 * 10) **Yup, reworded as with CC's objection.
 * 11) * "Blazing a path of conquest from the Outer Rim Territories toward the Galactic Core, elements of the Yuuzhan Vong leadership saw a threat in the New Jedi Order and its members." Could you specifiy why they saw the Order as a threat?
 * 12) **Added info. Check it out.
 * 13) * Could you reword the P&t? The second sentence is a little short and choppy. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:12, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Reworded.
 * 15) ***Jon, I also made some changes to the changes you had made during your copyedit. Some of them I wasn't sure about, like removing a semi-colon, which seemed to break up the flow of the writing. For future reference, it's improper to refer to the Yuuzhan Vong only as "Vong", as that's a slang term. Thanks for the quick review. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 22:31, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Understood, no problem :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:01, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) The first sentence of the Biography is a bit of a mouthful. Could you split it up, perhaps adding a bit more detail on the Etti species generally, beyond just saying that they are near-Human? Other than that, a good article. --Eyrezer 01:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *"Hailing from the planet Etti IV, Seyyerin Itoklo was a member of the near-Human Etti species, a blue-skinned race known for their slender and delicate physiques." &mdash; unfortunately, I've taken that info from the Etti article, which is not sourced. I imagine the source is Alien Encounters; being a species expert, could you check this :P? -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 09:32, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **That is the kind of thing I was going for. I checked it against AE, and made one small change - their skin is descirbed as pale, not as blue. --Eyrezer 10:39, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Wooh, we are both promoting a GA and improving other areas of the Wook contemporaneously! Cheers for the review. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 11:13, 16 June 2009 (UTC)