Wookieepedia:April Fools' Day 2012/Jedi Exile (male)

"Dan Wallace is fucking wrong"

- User:Darth Imperius

The Jedi Exile, or Meetro Surik, was a male and a hero to many, many fanboys. So much of a hero that they would go so far for their hardcore belief that they vandalized the Jedi Exile article on Wookiepedia many, many times and turned the talk page of the Wookiepedia Jedi Exile's article into a war zone.

Peragus station
Anyway the Jedi Exile (who was really male) found himself stranded on the almost abandoned Peragus Mining Station in his underwear and socks. He found an old lady who appeared to be dead which she wasn't. They talked a bit about this and that but because the old lady didn't do it for the fanboys he grabbed himself some torch and bashed in some doors out of frustration. After a while he met a dude named Atton Rand, and again this new character didn't do it for the fanboys so they made the very male Jedi Exile continue his search. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Ahhw that sucked didn't it? Those mining droids can be quite a handful, especially when you're running around with nothing to wear. Back to the checkpoint. Run run run, pwn pwn pwn, hey a mining suit and it's blue a very manly color. More running and Pwning follows and the Jedi Exile (who was indeed male) found himself and his party on The Harbinger. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. NOTE: when Atton says he has a bad feeling about this you might want to save the game, you are not the "Alpha Male" yet.

Telos Citadel Station
The (very Male) Jedi Exile has found himself grounded on some space station and nothing happens, nothing exiting anyway. he pwns everything with relative ease and that sweet Zeltron lady even seemed to be interested in him, seemingly... she just wanted him to do his dirty work for her just like all the other women everywhere. 

Telos
After Taking out the garbage completing all some of the missions on the station The (male) Jedi Exile and his party have been shot down over Telos. There he met a Zabrak who called him a general (finally some recognition). Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Damn, those mercenaries are tough, let's try that again. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Bah. Stupid minefield, better use a stealth generator next time. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. More mercenaries???? WTF?!?!?!

Telos Academy
The Jedi Exile (who was male) got his ass kicked by a couple of white chicks multiple times, he started thinking by her himself that it would have been a good idea to complete all the missions which would give him more XP instead of just a few. He left the academy swearing never to talk about this again. The upside about all of this was that there was now a new member in his party and a pretty one as well.

Dantooine
Running around on the Koonda plains he found the destroyed Jedi Enclave. He, Brianna and someone else entered the sub-levels of the building and.................. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Damn, better bring some bug spray next time. Finally a lightsaber, double-bladed of course. And a new addition to his ranks, A Sith girl by the name of Visas Marr, too bad she doesn't look as hot as Brianna in her underwear.

Korriban
Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Huh? Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. ????? Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Why you......... Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu.

Fuck all this, smugglers moon it is.

Nar Shaddaa
The Jedi Exile (still male) had not a clue on what was going on on Nar Shaddaa. He did, however, find yet another pretty girl in his ranks, albeit a bit dominant. This one was willing to wear a slave Leia outfit. After obtaining said outfit he went to a local vendor and sold all his surplus armor.

Dxun
After a forced landing on Dxun, the (male) Jedi Exile wandered into some MANDALORIANs who ordered him to follow them to Canderous Ordo. He refused and talked some trash to the MANDALORIANs. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. After walking up the hill again he followed the MANDALORIANs to their leader, who was not yet impressed by the Jedi Exile. Mandalore gave the Exile some meaningless jobs to do in an attempt to pump up his ego as well as entertain the MANDALORIANs. While walking through the camp he got challenged into the MANDALORIAN Battle Circle. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Hey that's just a rookie. Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Umm, there were some things in the jungle you guys wanted me to do right?

Onderon
Nothing exciting EVER happens on Onderon.... Unless you are a Female Jedi Exile.

Korriban 2 nd attempt
While inside the Sith academy, they were confronted by some rabid goats, in a strategic attempt to defeat them the Male Jedi Exile........ Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Return to main menu. Maybe you should give Mira and Brianna actual clothes and/or armor instead of the slave outfit and the underwear. I mean, Mira is a MANDALORIAN and handles armor quite well, and Briana's mother's robes are pretty decent. Oh wait, you sold all those so you could buy your useless Jedi junk to upgrade your lightsaber with. Bao-Dur could have done that for you if you had just leveled him up in a respective manner, heh, there was even a glitch in the game were you could multiply Brianna's robes as much as you like, but noooooo, you had to sell the prototype to some Duros merchant.

Dxun
Error! Insert controller. After this the Male Jedi Exile died a silent death because YOU, the fanboy without patience, broke your game controller and started to aim your frustration on Wookiepedia.

LucasArts was completely right when they canonized the Jedi Exile as a Female. Why do you ask? Because if you are going to look at someone's ass for the duration of a KotOR game it might as well be a Female ass.

A message from the G*nk administration
To all those who refuse to accept the fact that the Jedi Exile is female, here's the Top 10 Things that You Implicitly Say About Yourself When You Complain About the Exile Being Female, Make Erroneous Edits Implying She's Male, or Otherwise Illustrate Your Nonacceptance:

10. "I actually believe that my personal views supersede canon as established by those who are actually on Lucas' payroll."

9. "I am too stupid to realize that I can still play the game as a male character."

8. "I fear anything with a vagina."

7. "I take my KOTOR characters more seriously than my online reputation."

6. "I believe cooties exist and are transmissible via game controllers."

5. "I have failed to embrace the egalitarian ethic of the Star Wars films. George Lucas would be ashamed of me if I was important enough to register on his radar, which I will never be."

4. "I am either a sexist pig, or I am violating COPPA. Quite possibly both."

3. "I have ignored the wisdom of Qui-Gon Jinn, who said: 'Your focus determines your reality.' I remain too focused on my own penis."

2. "I want to be banned from Wookiepedia."

And the number one Thing that You Implicitly Say About Yourself When You Complain About the Exile Being Female, Make Erroneous Edits Implying She's Male, or Otherwise Illustrate Your Nonacceptance...

1. "I will never know the touch of a woman."

Repeat this list to yourself every five minutes, then call us in the morning.

(Created by G*nk}

Game Over! Your entire party has been killed. Get a freakin life!

Appearances

 * Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
 * Jedi Exile (male) article on Darthipedia