Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Heol Girdun


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Heol Girdun

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 01:04, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I hate CSWE.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 01:58, 11 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 23:45, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner [[Image:Imperial Department of Military Research.svg|20px]] (Comlink) 11:09, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 16:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) . My guess is that's he's bad cop. Just maybe. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:11, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Grunny:
 * 2) * Intro: The Second Galactic Civil War needs a little context with regards to participants, which will also explain why Corellian terrorists would attack Coruscant.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Counter-terrorist work: At the start of the second paragraph "Guard" is used alot, try to mix it up.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * "However, before Girdun could get to work, Skywalker identified Gev's target as Solo's father Han Solo due to surveillance images on Vel's datapad, eliminating the need for Girdun to interrogate the other Corellians." This is the first and only mention of Mirta Gev, and its not clear who she is.
 * 7) **Addressed. It was an absent-minded mistake, and Gev doesn't have anything to do with the article.
 * 8) * "The conversation was a cease-fire negotiation between Corellia and the Alliance, but Gejjen wanted Solo and Galactic Alliance Defense Force Admiral Cha Niathal removed from office. Girdun, knowing that Gejjen now had to be stopped, quickly reported this conversation to Solo." Why he now knew Gejjen needed to be stopped when he was having cease fire talks could be explained better.
 * 9) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( Come with me if you want to live. ) 00:11, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Grunny  ( Talk ) 09:45, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) Can we get some related images in the article? Of Jacen Solo and Ben Skywalker perhaps? -  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 10:58, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *Addressed.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:03, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 14) * "In the Guard, he helped manage their intelligence division in the GAG's fight against Corellian terrorists on the Galactic Alliance capital of Coruscant. " Seems to read a bit awkwardly.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Solo wasn't the prime mover behind the creation of the GAG, IIRC. In fact, it was offered to Mara first, then to Solo after she declined. He was in favor of it, but I find your wording there a bit off.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) *" Girdun got into a heated argument with Guard captain Lon Shevu over the torture methods utilized by the Galactic Alliance Guard. Girdun, used to using more violent means of interrogating subjects, did not agree with the more passive treatment advocated by Shevu, and the two got into a heated discussion." Redundant wording.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * "elimination of Corellian president Dur Gejjen became necessary to the Galactic Alliance forces" As worded, POV.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * "Jacen Solo and Cha Niathal rose to power to govern the Galactic Alliance as a duumvirate. The Galactic Alliance Intelligence organization was placed under the command of the GAG after Omas' death" Does not transition well at all.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * "Although the higher-ups" Reword colloquialism.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * "As Jacen Solo's power in the Alliance military grew, including the court-martial of his sister" Clauses do not read well together. The two thoughts do not flow from one to the next, and it reads very fragmented.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * " openly raising questions" About what?
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * I don't see that it's a flagrant continuity error, if there's room for him to have been in both services in the timeline.
 * 31) **Addressed. Thanks for the review.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:51, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *All in all, I found this nomination very fragmented in terms of wording and flow. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:58, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments