Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once a nomination has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of five AgriCorps votes with no outstanding objections before one week has passed, the nomination will be considered successful.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Moradmin Bast
> JangFett  Talk 00:14, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * Nomination comments: Quite solid work, One of the few outside TCW articles I've rewritten :P

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:10, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Mauser  Comlink 03:06, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 05:33, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:47, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) * "Moradmin Bast was an Imperial Army general, subordinate to High General Cassio Tagge, and the personal aide to Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin aboard the first Death Star, and served as chief manager in the Death Star." Split these sentences up.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) *"Though soon after, Bast was killed when the Death Star exploded near Yavin 4, after Luke Skywalker's proton torpedo entered the Thermal exhaust port in the Death Star." The "Though soon after" is rather awkward.
 * 5) **Indeed, removed that statement.
 * 6) * " Seated to the left of his superior officer, Tagge, the group of command staff stationed in the Death Star discussed the Rebel Alliance, and their victory in obtaining the Death Star plans." Is it really relevant where he sat?
 * 7) **Not really :) Removed
 * 8) * " Motti and Tagge argued about the Imperial Senate's continuous support for the Alliance, though with the intervention of Tarkin, he announced to the assembled command staff the Emperor's dissolution of the Imperial Senate. " Reword. It makes it sound like Motti or Tagge announced the dissolution of the Senate, although it was Tarkin.
 * 9) **Removed that comma and added a period before "Though".
 * 10) * Be consistent on your capitalization of the "Force".
 * 11) **Addressed
 * 12) * "During the Battle of Yavin, Imperial military analysts, who had been studying the Rebels' initial attempt to enter the battle station's northern polar trench, brought to Bast's attention." Brought what to Bast's attention?
 * 13) **Addressed and removed that statement.
 * 14) * "Bast indicated that the small thermal exhaust port was a potential danger to everyone onboard the battlestation. " Tell why the exhaust port is a danger.
 * 15) **Addressed. I stated that it was a entrance to the main reactor; I could say why it was a "danger" in a different sentence, but I don't want to get off topic.
 * 16) * "Though, the engineers stationed on the Death Star experienced slight difficulties, delaying the destruction of Yavin 4." Merge this with the previous sentence.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) * "after one of his fighters bumped his own fighter, " Reword.
 * 19) **haha, Thanks for addressing this objection. Fixed, hope that works
 * 20) * "as well as all the Death Star's commendations," I don't think commendations is appropriate here.
 * 21) **Reworded
 * 22) * Is content of the Legacy section really suitable for Legacy? It's really just "There was a guy who looked like him."
 * 23) **No, removed. The mentioning of the lookalike is in the bts.
 * 24) * Quote for P&T?
 * 25) **The only major quote he said in Episode IV was the "analyzed the attack sir". I don't want to repeat the quote because I used it two times. I moved one variation of that quote to the P&T from the Battle of Yavin section.
 * 26) * "many of whom were also assigned to the Death Star included:" Reword, although I would prefer you cut the part about the other Imperial officers with the same facial hair out entirely. It's not very relevant./s>
 * 27) **Addressed
 * 28) * "The lookalike officer in the Holiday Special has not yet been identified, and his connection with Bast, if any, has not been explained, but it is known that is not Bast, and that Bast died in the Battle of Yavin." Split this sentence up, and the one following it.
 * 29) **Addressed
 * 30) * Watch your linking. Articles are linked to once in the intro and once in the main body of the article.
 * 31) **Fixed
 * 32) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) Mauser:
 * 34) * One thing is obligatory for all movie noms: check all adaptations. In your case: the novel, the junior novel, the Marvel adaptation, the Dark Horse adaptation, the Manga adaptation, the photo comic, the radio drama, The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader and possibly some others. Simply adding them to the appearances list is not nearly enough: you must check all of them for any new info and inconsistencies.
 * 35) **I completely agree, though I need to check if he was in the novel. I don't quite remember if he was in the 1976 and the most recent adaptions, but I will check. Bast wasn't identified until CCG, he was known by a different name/designation before the CCG. Death Star referred to Bast as "lieutenant".
 * 36) ***Fixed sources and references. Expanded bts as well.
 * 37) ****What about the Dark Horse adaptation and the radio drama?
 * 38) *****He was in the Dark Horse but not in the radio drama. Addressed.
 * 39) * A movie character with lines such as Bast is ought to have more sources mentioning him. Cards from Star Wars Trading Card Game and Star Wars PocketModel TCG are the first ones that spring to mind, but I'm sure there are a lot more. Even the sources, that are already listed, you don't seem to use. Where's the info from the Insider article, Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary, Star Wars Encyclopedia for that matter?
 * 40) **I'll be adding more sources and I'll check those visual dictionaries. Hopefully the newer sources say he is Bast.
 * 41) ***Same comment in the previous objection.
 * 42) *Keeping in mind that those two objections are pretty major and will require a lot of time to get the sources alone, I'd say this article's chances of getting GA'd in the near future are slim at best.  Mauser  Comlink 10:05, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **With respect, Fett, you should have done that prior to moninating the article.  Mauser  Comlink 13:18, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Though a article can change throughout the nomination.
 * 45) ****Will give a full review after the last two sources are checked.  Mauser  Comlink 10:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) Jinzler
 * 47) * The sources list is not in chronological order
 * 48) **I'm aware of that; I'll be adding new sources soon and reorder them.
 * 49) * I may be wrong, but wasn't Bast's rank known only to be "Chief" until the release of Death Star, which confirmed that he was a general? If so, this should be mentioned in the BTS section
 * 50) **CCG referred to him as Chief Bast. Death Star was only "lieutenant". But I'll check the novel just to make sure.
 * 51) * I know that Floyd has suggested that you remove the legacy section but if you keep it, it could do with some slight rephrasing: Two years after Bast's death, a man who served onboard the Imperial I-class Star Destroyer Devastator resembled Bast - this seems to give the impression that the man only resembled Bast while aboard the Star Destroyer. It would perhaps sound better if you changed it to "a man resembling Bast served onboard an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. Also you could perhaps add a bit more context to this and mention the Blockade of Kashyyyk
 * 52) *My favourite Death Star officer --Jinzler 23:30, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **I agree :)
 * 54) Mauser strikes back:
 * 55) * Sources needs to be sorted by the order of publishment.
 * 56) **Addressed
 * 57) * Why have succession box, if he's the only person to ever hold such position?
 * 58) *Addresed
 * 59) * Context for the Death Star in intro.
 * 60) **Adressed
 * 61) * In the intro you use the words Death Star too much. Replace some instances with "battlestation" or something.
 * 62) **Addressed
 * 63) * Intro could be expanded.
 * 64) **I dont think so. The intro explains his rank within the Death Star, which is partly revealed in the DS novel. Then sums up his role in A New Hope.
 * 65) * No "remains unknown" is allowed.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) *" either assigned or personally selected" - speculation.
 * 68) **Addressed
 * 69) * "He seems to have functioned well" - speculation.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) * You describe all events in the conference room, though not all of them are relevant to Bast himself. Please re-check.
 * 72) **Addressed
 * 73) * Find at least one more image for the article.
 * 74) **Addressed
 * 75) * The image of Bast and Vader is from the very deleted scene you talk about. Therefore, it is not Bast.
 * 76) **Addressed
 * 77) * You say that Skywalker led a squad into the trench. Read the squad article and reword accordingly.
 * 78) **Addressed
 * 79) ***I corrected it myself.
 * 80) *More to come.  Mauser  Comlink 15:59, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) Next round:
 * 82) * Infobox: you don't even say that he was a Human male. Same for the bio.
 * 83) **Actually, it was in the infobox but not in the bio. Added in the bio.
 * 84) ***Sorry, still can't see it in the bio.
 * 85) * "found a potential danger" - what exactly was the danger?
 * 86) **Addressed in the intro.
 * 87) ***The thing is, intro should be self-explanatory.
 * 88) **Expanded the meaning of it in the intro. But it is explained in his bio.
 * 89) * "Bast confronted Tarkin" - that wasn't a confrontation. Besides, you don't even say that he asked Tarkin to evacuate.
 * 90) **Reworded and expanded.
 * 91) * "Bast entered service in the Imperial Army and rose through the ranks" - what's the source for that?
 * 92) **Reworded, that section is sourced to the DS novel.
 * 93) * "Bast had no personal aspirations beyond serving the Empire, and was loyal to Tarkin and Tagge." - that belongs in P&T.
 * 94) **Addressed
 * 95) * Why did the Rebels run out of time?
 * 96) **Expanded
 * 97) ***Again, is that really relevant to Bast? Check the article TK-622 - it only mentions parts of the battle that were essential to his fate, no need to focus on Luke and vader instead of Bast.
 * 98) ****Agreed. Any irrelevant information is removed.
 * 99) * Tarkin did not order Bast to fire the superlaser, of that I'm certain. The orders were to another officer.
 * 100) **I'm certain it was Bast and then Bast gave the order to the chief gunnery officer.
 * 101) ***I will double-check it soon.
 * 102) ****Tarkin faced Bast and ordered him to "fire when ready" in ANH. Possibly, at separate times, Bast told Tenn to fire.
 * 103) * The whole last paragraph of the bio with the description of the Battle of Yavin looks choppy. Check it again and leave only elements relevant to Bast himself.
 * 104) **Addressed and removed a section.
 * 105) * Expand P&T.
 * 106) **I merged that sentence in the bio in the P&T, though their is not too much information about him and I have listed what is seen in the DS novel and A New Hope.
 * 107) * In Holiday Special Bast's lines from the movie were re-dubbed, you should mention that.
 * 108) **Addressed
 * 109) ***Sorry, you misunderstood me. In the ANH deleted scene he and Vader had one dialogue, while in the Holiday Special it was replaced with a compeletely different one. It's explained in Star Wars: Behind the Magic.
 * 110) ****Any better man?
 * 111) *  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) Chack Attack:
 * 113) * Your sources are out of order.
 * 114) **Addressed
 * 115) * I'm currently working on Motti, and there ended up being a lot more P&T info than I expected (little tidbits from numerous sources). Are you sure that you can't expand the P&T for Bast? Going along with this, are you sure those are all the sources? I realize his role is less than Motti's but still, I'd think there might be a few more sources than shown here.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:57, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) **P&T expanded. I found very little information about Bast from that source, and he did have a rivalry with Motti. I added that in the bio, and more in the P&T.
 * 117) * You may be missing sources. Use Jaymach's site, and check sources like Galaxy Guide 1 and other sourcebooks which deal with that time period.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:54, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) **I looked through various of old sourcebooks, and Galaxy Guide and they had Bast, however, they only referred to him as "Chief".  JangFett  Talk 20:59, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) While I look at the stuff above, I'm gonna have to go with them. It seems to me that this article should be looked over once more, then re submitted. Gmalek 18:59, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) *Huh? Gmalek, those are former objections that have been addressed. Please familiarize yourself on how the FAN/GAN pages work.
 * 121) Toprawa:
 * 122) *I'll suppose I'll list here the objections I have voiced to Jang already, until they are resolved. Note that they will likely increase with time.
 * 123) ** Check out information for both editions of Galaxy Guide 1.
 * 124) ***Still waiting for my GG1 first edition, should arrive soon. GG1 second has been checked.  JangFett  Talk 16:31, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) ****I'm sorry that it took so long to address this but I finally got my copy of GG1. I read through it and found a brief image of Tarkin and Bast. The image was a black/white version of "http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/File:BastTarkinEvacuate-ANH.jpg." I couldn't find anything regarding his name or information about Bast. He was, however, identified as "Chief."  JangFett  Talk 11:32, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) *****Both editions of GG1 should then be added to the Source list, rather than the GG1 disambig link that is currently there. And please remember to make sure you put them in chronological order. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:50, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) ******Sorry, addressed. 18:59, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) ** Make sure you have included all CCG cards in the Source list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:45, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) ***CCG cards have been checked.  JangFett  Talk 16:31, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) *Does Bast not appear in the ANH radio drama? Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:55, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 131) **Addressed and added info in the BtS.  JangFett  Talk 19:57, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * Please include the specific individual issue(s) of Star Wars: A New Hope - The Special Edition that Bast appears in into the Appearances list, rather than the parent compilation article that is currently there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:55, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 133) This nom has been neglected far too long
 * 134) * Just one thing: Wanting to save his friend's life. Does it actually say anywhere that tarkin was his friend? If not, replace with some other word. If so, his friendship should probably be in the Bio too. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:55, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 135) **Changed to "Officer". Thanks for the review, Soresu :)  JangFett  Talk 11:40, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) *** :) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:47, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

Comments > JangFett  Talk 00:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Appearances go above sources fyi. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 02:10, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Opps, must have missed that. Thanks for fixing that Trayus :) (Imperial Intelligence)  18:48, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I is for Iridonian...

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 07:45, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:27, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Certainly much more interesting than overused Mandos. I'd actually like to see more on these guys.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 08:30, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Small sp/gr edits, and we're set Enochf 22:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * BTS: "Previously the term "Iridonian" was used to refer to Zabraks, but the description of their culture." Confusing to the point that it barely makes any sense. Please reword.
 * 3) * "Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian": The article uses both spellings, and it appears that "Iridonian" is correct based on statements in the BTS and on the talk page. I've fixed a couple, but you should look through the article yourself and fix the rest.
 * 4) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Both have since been removed, due to being factually incorrect, so those are addressed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  12:55, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***The first one was expanded on by Mauser and has been struck. The second one, however, is not fixed due to Mauser's reversion; your best bet would probably be to wait a little bit and see if Tranner gets a response from Mr. Chee before fixing it, though I do feel that Mauser is probably right below. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:22, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Alright, I've struck based on Eyrezer's fix and Mauser's point below. I was hoping to see an official response from Mr. Chee first, but it appears that such a response may not be coming. Let's move this nomination on, and if we do get a response from Mr. Chee, then we can work things out then. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:27, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Graestan:
 * 9) *The Rodney Thompson quote should be sourced to the link, not the WotC article here.
 * 10) *Quotes in the prose should be replaced with paraphrasing.
 * 11) * Graestan ( Talk ) 12:25, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Do you mean for this to include one in the Bts as well, or just that one in the Society section? --Eyrezer 23:23, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 14) *Just a couple of things. First, although the Iridonian in the game speaks Basic, can we really conclude that that's the species' native language? I always thought the infobox field was for native tongues, not languages a species can speak.
 * 15) *Second, what do you mean by "a non-existent code of honor"? Does this mean that the Echani purport to follow a code of honor but the Iridonians believe it's a sham, or does it mean that the Echani don't profess or follow a code?
 * 16) *Finally, are there any hard dates you can throw in the article? I always like to see dates, as they ground the prose a bit more and allow the reader to wrap his or her head around the when of things. Doesn't the KotOR game have an in-universe date for when Revan meets the mercenary? That's it! Good work! ~ SavageBob 14:25, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Language removed and date added. As to the code of honour, the direct quote is "The Echani believe in a non-existent warrior code of honor, and the Mandalorians prize credits above bloodshed." Elsewhere, the Echani profess their code of honour, so I've tried to reword it accordingly. --Eyrezer 10:09, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Iridorian" (which you use throughout the article), since "Iridonian" is used to denote Zabraks from Iridonia. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * See the BTS and the related discussion on the article's talk page. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:08, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My point still stands. "Iridorian" is still used throughout the article. Additionally, since "Iridonian" refers to a type of Zabrak, this article should include information on Iridonian Zabraks. For all we know, the being in the main image may be a Zabrak under that armor. Either way, something's just not right - and unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done short of asking Leland Chee about it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:05, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * My apologies, gentlemen. I forgot to check the name prior to the article's nomination, despite my own doubt that it was "Iridonian". That's now fixed. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  12:54, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright, you redirected "Iridonian" to Zabrak and changed this nomination to "Iridorian," but Mauser has reverted your changes. So until this issue of "Iridorian" vs. "Iridonian" is resolved, this won't pass. To help speed this up, I've left a post on the "Holocron continuity database questions" forum on StarWars.com, asking Mr. Chee about this issue. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 13:21, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * To me the case is simple. We have 2 variations of spelling: from KOTOR game and Camaign Guide and we were that LFL considered the one from the game to be a misspelling.  Mauser  Comlink 13:38, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * In the meantime, I've semi-protected it for a month (which will still let most people frequenting this page edit at will.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Refresh my memory, but I think we don't ordinarily include the Eras template on sentient species articles. (If we did include it for this article, the "Old Republic" era icon would be the one to use.) &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 03:38, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * That is correct, we don't use eras. --Eyrezer 23:10, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Remove nomination (AgriCorps vote only)

 * Per Tranner's comments above, although I'm pretty certain it's "Iridorian." This is what BtSes are for. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:36, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *I rewrote the Bts today to, hopefully, make it clearer what is occurring in this article. Does that help? --Eyrezer 12:33, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Wooley

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 17:32, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A minor clone trooper from Innocents of Ryloth

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:53, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 17:20, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 21:53, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 12:06, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company boarded the Crumb Bomber and other LAAT/i gunships and attempted to land in Nabat, but proton cannons attacked the Acclamator transports above, and Kenobi was tasked by Jedi Master Mace Windu with taking out the cannons to allow them to land." Run-on.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Lee, like your previous noms, please watch for underlinking and overlinking issues.
 * 5) **Fixed.
 * 6) ***No, I still see many unlinked subjects. droid, Nabat, Innocents of Ryloth are a couple of them.
 * 7) ****Fixed.
 * 8) * "Kenobi, Cody, Wooley and the rest of Ghost Company" Context on "Ghost Squadron".
 * 9) **Fixed
 * 10) ***It was not Wooley's unit. Ghost Squadron is a unit of 212th Attack Battalion.
 * 11) ****Fixed.
 * 12) * "Ghost Company then settled up a base. Shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead. Cody and Wooley went to investigate the courtyard, and discovered that the Twi'leks were being held prisoner." Very choppy, also the first two sentences are fragments.
 * 13) **Fixed
 * 14) ***Read this Lee: "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer and Boil to scout ahead." Improper English. Make sure you proofread what you write, and if it helps, read it out loud. Or it could be your use of punctuation that confuses the reader. I'll correct this sentence, but in the future, you should be able to correct your usage of proper punctuation. More specially: commas, semi-colons, and &mdash (&mdash;), which is used in place of commas sometimes.
 * 15) ****Lee, please rewatch the episode and find where they "scouted ahead". "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer, and Boil to scout ahead."
 * 16) *****Fixed.
 * 17) * "After reporting their findings back to Kenobi and Windu, they moved out." Moved out where?
 * 18) **Fixed.
 * 19) * Lee, try and use translating words such as "soon", "then", "however", "though" in your sentences. Go back and correct this issue because it is difficult to understand what's happening chronologically.
 * 20) **Fixed.
 * 21) ***Along with the proofreading, double check to make sure your sentences flow together.
 * 22) ****Checked.
 * 23) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20, the Separatists in Nabat were defeated, and after the transports landed, the army headed to the capital city of Lessu succesfully reteaking the capital and winning the battle." Improper English, also they did not win the battle. Kenobi and his men destroyed the cannons, allowing Windu and his men land and organize for their run on the capital.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) ***What is the "army of Windu"? More specifically, you should say Lightning Squadron and Windu.
 * 26) ****Fixed.
 * 27) * It is not confirmed that all clone troopers were born in 32 BBY. Their homeworld is Kamino, though unless you can prove that Wooley was born in 32 BBY, please remove it.
 * 28) **Removed.
 * 29) * Lee, I strongly recommend that you go back and proofread this article because I corrected a lot of grammatical issues, spelling, and linking issues.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * Only use tags in the infobox, not in the main article.
 * 32) **Sourced.
 * 33) * JangFett  Talk 00:58, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 12:22, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***No problem Lee. Remember to proofread, and double check your work. If you have a hard time with using proper punctuation, you can always look on google for guides; also you can look at the FA tutorials here. I'll give this another review soon.  JangFett  Talk 19:25, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) From the Council Chambers:
 * 37) * "After they freed Twi'leks attacked tactical droid commander TX-20,": Slightly confusing; I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
 * 38) **Cleared.
 * 39) * Can you split the last paragraph of the bio into two or three separate ones?
 * 40) **Splitted.
 * 41) * The BTS needs a little expansion, primarily context on "Innocents of Ryloth".
 * 42) **Expanded.
 * 43) *Otherwise looks good after a copyedit and some ref cleanup. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:48, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **Got them all. Thanks for the review Master Jonathan. --Clone Commander Lee 06:39, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) Fett II
 * 46) * "Then, Cody and the Company created a diversion, while Kenobi, Waxer, and Boil freed the prisoners and also managed to take out the rest of the proton cannons." This sentence needs clarifying. What was the diversion?
 * 47) **Cleared.
 * 48) *Good work Lee  JangFett  Talk 16:58, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 17:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) Attack of the Clone
 * 51) *While I would normally correct these myself, I feel that addressing these objections will help you learn the expectations of a GA.
 * 52) * "After reporting their findings back to Kenobi and Mace Windu, they moved out." Who was Windu? Who were "they"?
 * 53) **Fixed.
 * 54) ***When I'm asking who Windu was, I'm asking for context on him in the intro.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 55) * Everything after that sentence in the intro lacks coherency, and there's too much detail not related to Wooley. Please try to reword and shorten it.
 * 56) **Shortened.
 * 57) * Please watch linking, especially to redirects. This is something that you can fix yourself.
 * 58) **Adressed.
 * 59) * Ghost Company comes out of nowhere in the body and is not clarified in relation to Wooley.
 * 60) **Fixed.
 * 61) ***Saying that it's "Wooley's unit" is simply pointless and too confusing when it comes this late. Please move it earlier, as in when the 212th is first mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 62) ****Fixed.
 * 63) *****Please watch linking, Lee. No matter if you move around text, articles still need to be linked the first time they are mentioned.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * The episode did not give the slightest hint that the events took place in 22 BBY. Please put the correct source in.
 * 65) **Sourced.
 * 66) * "Ghost Company then settled up a base and shortly after Cody went with Wooley, Waxer, and Boil to scout ahead the city of Nabat. Then Cody and Wooley went to investigate the courtyard and discovered that the Twi'leks were being held prisoner." This is still improper English; "settled up" is not an existing idiom, and furthermore, the rest of the phrase is extremely choppy. Please reword this.
 * 67) **Fixed.
 * 68) ***They didn't "build" a base; that would mean constructing one and literally building it. They can establish a base. Furthermore, the first sentence is cut off too soon with nothing to satisfy your "shortly after". You need another independent clause in that sentence to fix it  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Fixed.
 * 70) *****Lee, although I've changed this, please note that there was still something wrong with "shortly after" and the rest of the sentence after it. That phrase won't work without a proper subject in the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * "After reporting their findings to Kenobi and Windu, they moved out to the village. However, they were attacked by gutkurrs, released by tactical droid TX-20, the commander of the Confederate forces stationed in Nabat. Kenobi managed to lure them into an alley with the Force": this whole time, I have no idea who "they" refers to.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) * Context needed for the gutkurrs. What were they?
 * 74) **Adresssed.
 * 75) ***Nowhere in the episode did it say that they were native. Please provide your source.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ****Fixed.
 * 77) * "Then, Cody and the Company created a diversion by attacking the droids, while Kenobi, Waxer, and Boil freed the prisoners and also managed to take out the rest of the proton cannons." There's a lack of flow and an unneeded sense of chronology here. Please reword.
 * 78) **Fixed.
 * 79) ***The "unneeded sense of chronology" and "choppiness" comes with the "Then" at the beginning of the sentence.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) ****Fixed.
 * 81) *****Lee, I've fixed this, but please take note: if you state "In order to achieve there goals," you need to state what they were, and you put in the wrong form of "their". Please proofread more in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) * "When the tactical droid commander was about to shot Kenobi": please reread this and try to change what you find. It's improper English and lacks good sentence flow.
 * 83) **Fixed.
 * 84) * The first two sentences of the P&T have no verifiability with their current wording and need more clarification. Furthermore, please proofread the last sentence and try to reword it.
 * 85) **Fixed.
 * 86) ***This still remains. How, specifically, was Wooley shown to be one of the best scouts when Cody picked them? If this is true, then anyone Cody picks for scouting is the best, and the reader has no clue why. Furthermore, the last sentence still lacks good flow.  CC7567  (talk) 20:05, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) ****Fixed.
 * 88) *****Lee, this still does not work. What was Kenobi's exact quote and order to Cody for scouting ahead? Until you can clarify this in the article, that part of the P&T remains speculation. Furthermore, I've just gone ahead and fixed the last sentence for you.  CC7567  (talk) 19:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) ******Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 10:41, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) *******Lee, putting the quote in the P&T does absolutely nothing. I'm asking you to clarify this in the text of the P&T, not provide a quote and still not relate it to the P&T. When I say "clarify it in the article", that means relate it back to your own words, not simply provide the lines from the episode and do nothing with it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:12, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) ********Sorry, CC. I don't really understand this objection. --Clone Commander Lee 07:25, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) *********Here's what I'm asking: How do we know that because Cody picked him, he was "one of the best"? Your P&T does nothing to satisfy or clarify this, and the current wording means that anyone Cody picks to scout is immediately one of the best.  CC7567  (talk) 22:45, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) **********Better now ?--Clone Commander Lee 11:04, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 94) ***********I still fail to see how the P&T quote is still relevant. Either remove it or relate it to Wooley in the caption.  CC7567  (talk) 20:22, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) ************Removed. --SUBST:User:Clone Commander Lee/sig 20:49, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 96) *For future reference, you cannot "make someone able" to do something. You're better off with replacing it with "allowing" or "allowed".  CC7567  (talk) 06:52, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) **Should got them. Thanks for the review, CC. --Clone Commander Lee 18:11, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ***Take two. --Clone Commander Lee 09:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * "General Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan, Commander Ahsoka Tano, were able to destroy the Separatist blockade surrounding the planet, allowing the ground invasion forces to land." They didn't land if Ghost Company had to later clear the Separatist forces in Nabat. Please check your facts.  CC7567  (talk) 20:26, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 100) **Fixed and thanks. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:16, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) Graestan:
 * File:Wooley.jpg looks the same with my glasses on or off. Please re-capture a more clear version.
 * 1) **Added by JMAS.
 * 2) ***No improvement. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:30, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ****Won't get any better version. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:42, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * File:Cody and Wooley.jpg has a watermark of some sort on it. Please remove.
 * 1) **Added by JMAS.
 * 2) *Mention should be made in the intro as well as the biography that Windu was contacted by holograph; as it stands it reads like he was on the planet and up in the ships.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) *"Wooley expressed his hesitation with the mission's success" – Not sure if this means he was hesitant to complete the mission, i.e. he had misgivings, or he had doubts that it would be successful, i.e. he was being pessimistic. Please clarify.
 * 5) **Changed.
 * 6) * Graestan ( Talk ) 12:48, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ** Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:50, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Are you still planning to do a second review of him, CC ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:46, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: Bait

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:31, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One more for the OOU party

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) After numerous fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 12:54, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 01:23, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * First of all, split that giant paragraph up into two paragraphs.
 * 3) **Splitted
 * 4) * "Skywalker's Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano reports that they're approaching the ice field on schedule." Are you sure that she said "ice field"? Because, per the article, that field is on a planet and Skywalker, Kenobi, and Tano are in space. Clarify
 * 5) **Adressed.
 * 6) ***You must have misunderstood me. Could you double check the comic once more. The way you just added "in space" doesn't look right.
 * 7) ****Checked. She says the ice field. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****However, the way you add it in the text: "the ice field in space," it make sense here. So their is an ice field in space? Clarify.
 * 9) ******(hopefully) clarified. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Tano reveals that she thinks that it is a dumb plan and the Separatists will never fall for it." What is the plan?
 * 11) **Expanded.
 * 12) * You mention that Skywalker dumps the fighter out into space but later on, Skywalker appears that he was in the fighter but you didn't mention it. Also, you mention that he brought along a "fraud" lightsaber, mention this early as well.
 * 13) **Added.
 * 14) ***Now you changed it. You say now Kenobi releases the fighter into space, however, you mentioned that Skywalker released it. Double check, don't just assume/speculate Lee.
 * 15) ****It's not stated who released the fighter. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *****No need to speculate then Lee. You can change the wording to "After the fighter was released in space...," though, Now you say the Twilight released it. I would recommend not mentioning whom released the fighter, since it isn't mentioned in the comic.
 * 17) ******Changed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * I'm seeing a repetition of "Skywalker," later on in the plot. i.e after, "In a hangar, battle droids orders the Jedi to come out of the fighter, because they are aware of his presence inside the fighter, due to the life-form scanning." Vary "Skywalker," you can use his respected Jedi title.
 * 19) **Fixed.
 * 20) * JangFett  Talk 15:46, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Fixed. Thanks for the review Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:26, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Changing
 * 23) * Per The Clone Wars: Headgames, it is now recommended that OOU comics shouldn't switch the tense of the sentence in the intro. Feel free to see what QuiGon had done, as it looks much better than the past approved TCW OOU comic GAs.
 * 24) **Not seeing a change.
 * 25) ***Whiy change ? It looks exactly like Headgames.
 * 26) ****Lee, no it does not. Look at the first sentence from the intro in Headgames and compare it to Bait.
 * 27) *****Sorry, I've got my dies ater today. Fixed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:46, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) * Per Headgames, it is now recommended that you should have the BtS of an OOU comic as this,
 * 29) **a) What it is, what it ties into, and who made it.
 * 30) ***Fixed.
 * 31) **b) What happens in it.
 * 32) ***Fixed.
 * 33) **c) Miscellanea like the Easter egg.
 * 34) ***No miscellanea.
 * 35) * Instead of dividing the BtS, as well as, adding an "Developing section," Graestan also mentioned that the BtS should have two total paragraphs, one for the OOU information and one pertaining to the actual content of the subject (including the Easter egg).
 * 36) * JangFett  Talk 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Fixed. Thanks for the info. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) Mauser:
 * 39) * Watch the referencing. You have a link called "The Clone Wars online comic page 86" that actually leads to page 69; the link called "The Clone Wars archives-eleventh page" which leads to seventh page of the archives.
 * 40) **How can that be corrected ?
 * 41) ***To correct that, don't just copy-paste from other articles, do a little wiki-formatting yourself.
 * 42) ****Think, It's done. (I hope so)
 * 43) *****I see that you didn't even touch it.
 * 44) ******Need some help with this
 * 45) *******Took some time but corrected. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:28, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "illustrated and lettered by Grant Gould, with art drawn also by Gould." - Uh? Why repeat the same statement twice?
 * 47) **Where is this ?
 * 48) ***I removed that mysekf during the copy-edit =)
 * 49) * Context for Twilight.
 * 50) **Added.
 * 51) ***Old? Spice freighter? You have sources for that? "Skywalker's personal freighter" should do.
 * 52) ****Fixed.
 * 53) * "due to the fact he wants to infiltrate the frigate of Confederate Head of State Count Dooku." - erm, Skywalker doesn't say that.
 * 54) **Fixed.
 * 55) ***He didn't say anything about his intentions directly.
 * 56) ****Fixed.
 * 57) * "Tano tells Skywalker that his plan of sneaking on the Separatist ship is a dumb." - rewrite it to look less POV. "She expresses her opinion about the plan" or something like that.
 * 58) **Fixed.
 * 59) * "However, Skywalker calms her down" - she wasn't angry pr something, why "calm down". Also, why "however"?
 * 60) **Adressed.
 * 61) * "The fighter is then realeased in space, with Skywalker onboard." - you don't mention the broken hyperdrive ring? You don't mention that the fighter appears to be damaged?
 * 62) **That was my fault, I fixed it.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) * "Prior to boarding the fighter, Skywalker left his lightsaber on the Twilight and took a fraud lightsaber with him." - If it's prior, that it must be told prior, not after.
 * 64) **Same comment as above.  JangFett  Talk 23:04, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Is there a particular reason why you're using dialogue instead of quote? The second one would look better IMO.
 * 66) **I personally thinks it looks better.
 * 67) * "tells the droids that he is just waiting on an invitation." - now, that part is too trivial.
 * 68) **A part to what ?
 * 69) ***You don't need to retell every single peace of dialogue.
 * 70) ****Fixed.
 * 71) * "while he dons a spacesuit to rescue Skywalker" - that alone would suffice for a rescue? Also, resquing wasn't their intent all along, they were going after Dooku.
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) ***Nothing changed in that part.
 * 74) ****It is never stated in the comic that they were after Dooku. Also what do you mean with the first ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:51, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ****I mean that putting a spacesuit on alone will not rescue Skywalker. Also, if something is not in the comic, while it is in the summary?
 * 76) *****Fixed.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:32, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) ******Oh, come on! "He dons the spacesuit and goes into space" - that's really choppy. Lee, no offense. but you need to work on your english.
 * 78) *******Better ?
 * 79) ********Except for he doesn't leave Twilight in the comic.
 * 80) *********Hope it's now fine. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:38, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) **********Come on, Lee, check the comic again. He does not leave anywhere in it!
 * 82) ***********Right
 * 83) * "At the end of the comic, Obi-Wan Kenobi came to rescue him" - Oh, he hadn't came yet.
 * 84) **Where is this ? -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:40, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Tucker

 * Nominated by: -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:02, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: An occasionally clone, ca. 450 words. Sorry CC

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kreivi Wolter 18:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *Intro is still too similiar to Axe. Mind rewriting some of it?
 * 3) **Better ?
 * 4) * The first three paragraphs of his bio are very similiar, or better yet, exactly the same as Axe. Please rewrite them.
 * 5) **Better ?
 * 6) * "Soon, Tucker was under attack under a bunch Vulture droids and he was shot down, perishing over Ryloth." "a bunch" is too colloquial. Rephrase.
 * 7) **Changed, to a group.
 * 8) * Lee, I'm still seeing an resemblance to Axe. You can rewrite Tucker's bio in your own words instead of copying from the Axe article. I know Tucker had a small role, and his role was similiar to that of Axe's, however, copying an article is unprofessional and frowned upon. If you need help, don't hesitate to ask. Once you're done with rewriting sections within Tucker's bio, I'll give it a copyedit and list objections if needed.  JangFett  Talk 05:11, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **It is now better ? If not contact me. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:49, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Minor expanding
 * 11) * At least one quote?
 * 12) **Don't have them in English.
 * 13) ***Are you sure? I haven't saw the episode for a while, but I do remember that all clones of Blue Squadron reported to Ahsoka before they launched their attack.--Kreivi Wolter 17:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ****Well, the problem is that i have the quotes only in German and not in English. So i need them in English, because a translation would not be correct.
 * 15) *****I see. Hopefully someone will add them in future.--Kreivi Wolter 18:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *" However he was overwhelmed by the mass of Vulture droids during the battle of Ryloth and killed." This just repeat the info given in biography. It should be rewrite to something like "However, he wasn't able to..." or so on. --Kreivi Wolter 05:40, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Fixed.
 * 18) * Techno Union Foreman Emir??? --Kreivi Wolter 17:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Removed emir. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:19, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:22, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) Attack of the Clone
 * 22) * For starts, as I've maintained for months now, there is absolutely no way to tell which clones died in the episode, which is what you have his death sourced to, besides Axe. This is not the first time I've had to tell you to "make sure that the information you provide is properly attributable to your sources."  CC7567  (talk) 01:34, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Sorry, CC. Corrected.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:09, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) ***You've done nothing about this, there are still mentions of his "death" in the article.
 * 25) ****CC in the episode guide it stands that he is killed. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:36, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *****Ahsoka's squadron starts to become overwhelmed. Tucker's fighter is blown away by droid fighters. Here is the source. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:39, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ******...That was NaruHina who said that, not me.  CC7567  (talk) 19:53, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *******Sorry for the confusion. XP NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) "My Name is O'Malley!"
 * 30) * "He served in in Blue Squadron, a Republic starfighter unit led, using the callsign "Blue Five" and participated in the Battle of Ryloth around 22 BBY." After I changed the latter part, adding a comma, I made this more obvious but the sentence cut at "led."
 * 31) **Fixed.
 * 32) * Overlinking and underlinking.
 * 33) **Fixed.
 * 34) * "the leading cruiser of the blockade" move this to when you give context on Tuuk, to extrapolate why they were specifically going after his ship.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * No mention is made of the Republic until the final paragraph of the Bio. This should be moved to when you talk about clone troopers.
 * 37) **Fixed.
 * 38) * "Tano finally obeyed" Why did she obey?
 * 39) **Adressed.
 * 40) ***Nothing's changed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Done.
 * 42) *****She turned back because of that and some of her squad died. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ******Done.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:50, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) *******I'll take this down to Part 2 NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:36, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * There is no mention of the Separatist reinfocements in the Bio.
 * 46) * The image doesn't say which fighter is Tucker's.
 * 47) **I worded that objection badly. I fixed this one myself. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:47, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * "However, he wasn't able to defeat the mass of Vulture droids during the battle of Ryloth and was overwhelmed and killed." Double "and." As well, this is choppy. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:11, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Fixed.
 * 50) ***This is still poorly worded, but I won't fix it because this is another reference to his death.
 * 51) ****Fixed.
 * 52) *Think I get them all. Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:09, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) **It's not fininshed yet. I've still got more Tucker quotes I have to use :P NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 08:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) Fett will look again.
 * 55) * Lee, I'm still not satisfied with this article because it still completely resembles Axe. However, I'll give it another review.
 * 56) * You must include that Tucker was "Born on Kamino" in both the intro and bio.
 * 57) **Fixed.
 * 58) *Lee, please read the third and forth paragraphs in the bio. You mention Skywalker and Yularen ordered Blue Squadron to retreat two times. This is the result from copying from another article. Please go back and correct this.
 * 59) **Fixed.
 * 60) ***Still remains.
 * 61) ****They ordered her two times to retreat.
 * 62) *****However, they sound similiar. I don't believe that this was your first intention to do this, Lee. I'm still considering that this is the result from the copying/paste. Please go back and try to either rephrase the sentence in the forth paragraph, or remove it.  JangFett  Talk 11:44, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) *"Tano finally obeyed, seeing the Republic forces trapped and her squadron attacked and turned back toward the Resolute, as more Separatist fire attacked the Republic Venator-class Star Destroyers." Finally obeyed? While you did not mention that Ahsoka disobeyed previously, "Finally" doesn't work here.
 * 64) **Fixed.
 * 65) ***"Tano obeyed, seeing the Republic forces trapped and her squadron attacked and turned back toward the Star Destroyer." Quite confusing. While "and" is repetitive in this awkwardly phrased sentence, you are adding too much of Ahsoka's poi than the general squadron. Due to Tucker being a relativity unknown character during the space battle, you should just state "Tano obeyed, and the squadron..." or something similiar, in your own words of course.
 * 66) ****Fixed.
 * 67) *****"Tano obeyed this time, she and her squadron turning back toward the Star Destroyer." Obeyed this time? Sounds like she is completely disobedient. While she did not obey the order to retreat the first time, she did the second time. However, the way you stated it makes it sounds too factually incorrect. Please remove this short choppy sentence and mention that she obeyed, but not say "this time".
 * 68) * "Blue Squadron was then at, seeing that the Republic forces had no change, tacked by a group Vulture droids and he was shot down, perishing over Ryloth." Improper English, please reword this sentence.
 * 69) **Fixed.
 * 70) ***" As more Vulture droid fire attacked the Republic Venator-class Star Destroyers, Blue Squadron was attacked by a group Vulture droids and Tucker was shot down, perishing over Ryloth." "Vulture droid" is repetitive. Please, Lee, double check and reread your paragraphs. I'm still seeing a repetition of already mentioned facts, such as: "Blue squadron under attack by Vulture droids." and "Skywalker and Yularen ordered Blue squadron to retreat." Please double check. Also, it is unclear to how many Vulture droid groups there were. You mention one group attacking the Star Destroyers and another attacking Blue squadron.
 * 71) ****Fixed.
 * 72) *****Still remains, Lee. It sounds like they told Ahsoka to retreat once, and then later in the battle, they tell her again. "Yularen and Skywalker ordered Blue Squadron another time" This is factually incorrect.
 * 73) * P&T-"Despite his pilot training, he was unable to escape death when his squadron encountered a mass of Vulture droids that opened fire on them during the Battle of Ryloth." "that opened fire?" "On them?" Please clarify. Who opened fire on what and who is "them?"
 * 74) **"Despite his pilot training, he was unable to escape death when his squadron encountered a mass of Vulture droids, which opened fire on the squadron during the Battle of Ryloth." I understand that he was unable to escape death, however, after "a mass of Vulture droids," the ending of the sentence is rather confusing. "Which" needs to be replaced.
 * 75) ***Fixed.
 * 76) * The entire BtS is rather confusing. Please rephrase the entire paragraph. You should mention "Tucker was first featured in Storm over Ryloth," rather than beginning the BtS with the series name.
 * 77) **Fixed.
 * 78) ***Still remains.
 * 79) ****Fixed.
 * 80) *More to come.
 * 81) **Thanks for the review. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 07:50, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) ***No problem, Lee.  JangFett  Talk 01:17, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) They could be captured. Or dead. Or captured and dead. GASP! Or captured AND dead!
 * 84) * That Tano retreated only after her squadmates, and Tucker's, were killed is important, it should be included. As the sentence stands now, it is also a double "and."
 * 85) **Not really relevant to Tucker.
 * 86) ***It's relevant to Tucker because his squadmates died. Perhaps this being half the motive for Tano leaving is not but that they died is, it should get at the very least receive a small mention.
 * 87) ****Should be included now.
 * 88) * "Soon, more Munificent-class frigates as reinforcements joined Tuuk's blockade, neutralizing Blue Squadron's attack run." This reads very awkwardly.
 * 89) **Fixed.
 * 90) * "After the Republic force had been caught in a trap..." What trap?
 * 91) **Fixed.
 * 92) ***It still doesn't specify what trap. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:26, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 93) ****The trap is not specified but I hope it is now better.
 * 94) *****The reinforcements was the "trap." There was a chronology issue that I fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:08, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * "Blue Squadron was attacked by a group Vulture droids and Tucker was shot down..." The sentence before this establishes that Blue Squadron was attacked. The sentence here is just a restating of the sentence prior, actually. Rephrase.
 * 96) **Fixed.
 * 97) *There is a skip between the second and third paragraphs of the bio. The second states that Blue was attacked by Vulture droids, it then jumps to when they are approaching the enemy flagship. Fill in the blank.
 * 98) **That's being take care of right now, Naru. Per my objection above.  JangFett  Talk 23:51, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) *"Don't Ever Be Alone." "He's making that wierd voice again!" NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 05:36, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Lee, before I begin, I would like to know why you copied nearly the entire Axe article. I'm seeing you replaced "Axe" with "Tucker" for the most part.  JangFett  Talk 23:03, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *First, I didn't copied the article. I took it as a assist. Second. If you want I rewrite it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 08:52, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) **Well Lee, I would like you to partially rewrite some of the battle because it is based on Axe helping Ahsoka, that's how I wrote the Axe article. Replacing "Axe" with "Tucker" isn't going to help anything. While I see a sentence or two changed to fit in with what Tucker did in the episode, I still see a huge resemblance to Axe.  JangFett  Talk 15:04, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ***Regardless of whether you used Axe for "assistance", Lee, copying others' work is both unprofessional and unoriginal and does not have a place on this wiki. Please rewrite the article.  CC7567  (talk) 08:13, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ****I rewrote it. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:29, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

The Clone Wars: The Fall of Falleen

 * Nominated by:  Mauser  Comlink 19:53, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another webcomic. I really hope you aren't tired of them yet.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Possibly add a quote for the summary, but other than that, Great work :)  JangFett  Talk 20:27, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:51, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 07:38, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 11:57, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * What "city"? Just because this is a summary of the comic, don't skip out on necessary descriptive detail. Don't assume anyone has read this comic to know what is going on: "A battle droid reports to General Grievous, Supreme Commander of the Droid Armies, that the city has fallen"
 * 3) **Funny, but the comic doesn't specify what city it is, not does it imply that it's the capital. Will the change to "a city" be sufficient?
 * 4) ***Yes. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *This isn't an objection, but I'm starting to get tired of reading the exact same thing in every one of these OOU TCW articles. The breaking point for copy and pasting content from one article to the next is going to come sooner than later. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:16, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Personally I try to introduce some variety, but the articles by the very nature are very similar - with the exception of the summary part of course. Thanks for the look.  Mauser  Comlink 01:30, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Attack of the Clone
 * 8) * "while destroying the gatekeeper droids left the king oblivious of a second intruder within the fortress": I really can't tell which sentence (or which part of what sentence) you're trying to link this to. Please try to reword for clarity.
 * 9) **Tweaked a bit, please check if that's better.
 * 10) ***It's still unclear who caused the "destruction of the droids."  CC7567  (talk) 18:31, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Earlier in the text: "She kills two of the bodyguards before using the Force to destroy the gatekeeper droids as well." I though that was sufficient.  Mauser  Comlink 11:30, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Please note that the "Battle of Falleen" is a conjecturally-titled article. Unless you can provide adequate reasoning for the contrary, it's not proper to directly refer to it that way.  CC7567  (talk) 07:32, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) **Hmm, but it is the battle of Falleen nonetheless. Decapitalized.  Mauser  Comlink 08:30, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * Facepalm. Forgot the quote. Fixed now, thanks for the review, Jang.  Mauser  Comlink 20:35, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I don't mean to pick on this particular article, because it's the same in all the recent flurry of webcomic GANs, but the coverage of this is really minimalist. I know this is GA and it's only a short webcomic, but it pales in comparison to some of our other OOU works articles, and I think it could be more in depth and fleshed out, better researched, blah blah blah. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:58, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Well, it's a really short webcomic with little to no background or production info available. Actually I did some research - checked both TFN and Dark Horse forum threads for the webcomics, where VIPs are known to post. And in case of some other comics it did reveal some new info (see issues 1, 3 and 5). But in this case - nothing more can be said. If you show me some new sources and/or links, I'd be happy to research them.  Mauser  Comlink 00:45, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Tol Skaros

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 20:15, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Whiphid dark Jedi

(2 ACs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Please remember that "the Force" has a capital F.  CC7567  (talk) 01:47, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:58, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Does Child of Light state that the average height for a Whiphid is 1.6 meters? If not, you need to source that bit to something else in P&T.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:52, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes, it does say that 1.6 meters is the average height of a Whiphid--Jinzler 12:45, September 3, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * No P&A, as there is no information in the source about what his powers were --Jinzler 20:15, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Added .  Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  20:39, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I skillfully forgot about that --Jinzler 20:45, 23 August 2009 (UTC)

Rhondi Tremaine

 * Nominated by:--Darth Niffoc 21:47, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Some new Abyss stuff

(1 ACs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 21:50, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Is this the Maw Irregular Fleet, Maw fleet, or something else entirely that we're talking about here? Please link it properly instead of to redirects.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Please link the destruction of Centerpoint Station.
 * 5) **I'm sorry but I couldn't find an article on the destruction of Centerpoint, and the Station is already linked so.....
 * 6) ***If it doesn't have an article, it should. I'm not asking you to create an article for it (though ideally, you should at least create a stub for it), just to link it. That means if you don't create the article, it will remain a redlink.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****I'm sure this will make me sound like some half asleep coffeephobic lunatic, but as far as I know there are no redlinks in this article.
 * 8) *****I mean for you to add a link in the article to Battle of Centerpoint Station or Destruction of Centerpoint Station or something.  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ******I have done this, but I would like to point out that the Battle of Centerpoint Station isn't the same as its destruction they're about five or ten years apart.....Yeah I'm a geek.
 * 10) *******...........I did write a stub, but somebody must have erased it. I'm sorry but it appears I can't really do this.........
 * 11) ********It would appear that Battle of Centerpoint Station (Second Galactic Civil War) is what you are looking for. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  17:38, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) *********"That's it!!"--Charlie Brown Christmas....Hey thanks Nayayen, that would be exactly what I was looking for. Anyway, now this is finally Addressed.
 * 13) * "Rhondi was killed while one of the Sith sliced open a sealed door." Please check this; the sentence should clarify how she died, not what was happening "while" she died.
 * 14) **Technically, if you read the end of the Bio, you see I actually do say how she dies. The Sith slices through the door and pierces Rhondi.  Anyway I rewrote to clarify a little more.
 * 15) * Please somehow combine the first two Bio subsections. They don't balance with the longer third.
 * 16) **Addressed
 * 17) * "had terrible aches to return to their homes": "longings" or something else would be a better word choice here, if I'm understanding the context correctly.
 * 18) **Addressed
 * 19) * "After Luke had gone Beyond Shadows": first, please vary the sentences that start with "after", and second, the "gone Beyond Shadows" is rather awkward wording.
 * 20) **Addressed
 * 21) * "Rhondi rushed to the sealed door and began pounding on it, contrary to the Skywalkers' warnings." How so? You don't state their "warnings", so I can't tell if she acted on the contrary to them or not.
 * 22) **Addressed
 * 23) *"Though it is unknown if they were twins": next time, please do not state what is "unknown" for an IU character or article. I've removed it, but all of your future nominations should not have anything like it.
 * 24) * "Contrary to the Mind Walkers' belief that nothing mattered except the Force, not even death." Please check this sentence; it's choppy, and I can't tell which sentence it's supposed to be linked to.  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Addressed
 * 26) ***You still haven't merged the two sentence clauses, and it's still extremely choppy. Please take note of this; I saw a lot of these errors when I was copyediting. Here's what it should read as: "Eventually, she struck a deal with Ben to save Rolund's life, even though the Mind Walkers believed that nothing mattered except the Force, not even death." I'll leave it up to you to tweak it further if you so wish.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ****I have changed it to the above sentence. The only reason I had a lot of sentences like that was the last time I did this I was told I had too many run-ons so those errors were only precautions.
 * 28) *****If you're trying to be cautions, please don't do it to the point where you create other problems. Make sure you know what a run-on sentence is; merging them as you did is not a run-on. If you left the two sentences the way they were, they would not have been run-ons, but they would still be grammatically incorrect.  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * In the intro, please clarify how she suddenly came to be in a sealed room. It jumps out of nowhere with no explanation.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **Addressed
 * 31) ***You still need to get in how Rhondi was killed in the intro; it jumps right from her mind-walking to her death, and as far as we know at the point of her death, she's still "Beyond Shadows."  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ****Addressed
 * 33) * "To insure their safety": whose safety? The Mind Walkers'? The Skywalkers'?  CC7567  (talk) 16:27, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) The Grand Master
 * 36) * I see nothing in the book that indicates that she and Rolund were "almost identical".
 * 37) **I got that from page 170 "An IV?", Rolund asked, his frown mirroring Rhondi's so precisely that it unsettled Ben. He still hadn't established whether they were twins or just regular siblings, but sometimes they seemed as close as Killiks.
 * 38) ***Just because she frowned in the same way as her brother does not mean they were "nearly identical".
 * 39) ****Addressed
 * 40) * Please add that she was born in the Maw colony.
 * 41) **Addressed
 * 42) ***Please check grammar for the two places you added this.
 * 43) ****Addressed
 * 44) *****Better in the bio, but please check the intro again. It says that Rhondi "was a Human female who was born on the Maw colony and a member of the Maw Irregular Fleet in the Maw."
 * 45) ******Addressed
 * 46) * There is nothing in the novel to indicate that the Tremaines were born "between 10 and 25 ABY".
 * 47) **That was my best estimate for a few reasons. It says  Daala established the colony at the end of the warlord era, sometime between 10 and 25 ABY.  And if the Tremaines were going to serve in a highly efficient spy network they had to be at least in their twenties.  Then a decade goes by so they are at least in their thirties by the time they go to Sinkhole station in 42 ABY.  so I figured through logic that they had to be born in this time frame.  But it doesn't actually give us the date in the book, just the logic.  So I will remove this if you want.
 * 48) ***Everything you just said is complete speculation; for example, people don't have to be in their twenties to serve as spies, talented kids could do that, too. Please don't add anything to articles based on "your best estimate"; only facts from the sources. And the only thing the novel says about their age is that they were the youngest Mind Walkers. Seeing as none of the other Mind Walkers are given an exact age, nothing can be determined about their age without speculating on the matter.
 * 49) ****I'm sorry...I'm just one of those people who uses logic way too often for their own good..And I've fixed this.
 * 50) *In the intro: what sealed door?
 * 51) **Addressed
 * 52) ***Now you imply she ran to the door behind which Ben put the detonator, which is incorrect. She ran to a different door.
 * 53) ****Adressed
 * 54) *****You still don't correctly specify whih door. You imply that this was the door behind which Ben trapped Rolund, which is incorrect. Please check again.
 * 55) ******I'm having problems with this whole bit right before her death. The way I understood it while reading was this:Rhondi hears the detonator go off from a different door in Rolund's room, presumably Sith entering that way, then when she bangs on the other, sealed, door the Sith slice through that one.  So am I viewing this all wrong?  Was there just on door(where did the Sith come from?), or was she just trying to run away since she thought Rolund was dead, and was pounding to alert other Mind Walkers to get her out?
 * 56) *******You have it mostly right, here's what happened: Ben has put Rolund in a room, leaving a detonator at the door. Later, the Sith break in, setting off the detonator. In the control room, Rhondi and the Skywalkers hear the explosion, and Rhondi, assuming the worst, rushes to the control room entryway and begins banging on the door. The Sith then begin to slice through the door, and one of their lightsabers impales her head.
 * 57) * Please paraphrase "assignments varying from gathering information to subverting security on vessels for appropriation", "so efficient", "expose them", "deserting en masse", as these are almost the exact wordings used in the novel.
 * 58) **Addressed
 * 59) * Please add context on Mind Walkers for their first mention in the bio.
 * 60) **Addressed
 * 61) ***Still not seeing any context. Please check again.
 * 62) ****I don't really see anything else to say, what exactly are you referring to?
 * 63) *****People who are reading these articles might not know who the Mind Walkers are, so you should supply them with context. (i.e., for Qui-Gon, you might say Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn when introducing him in an article, where "Jedi Master" is the context.) Please give such readers a general idea of who the Mind Walkers are.
 * 64) ******Addressed
 * 65) * "On one of their visits, the siblings learned from Ben that Luke's hydration tube kept falling from his mouth and that Ben was going to put Luke on an IV. When he caught a worried glance between Rhondi and Rolund, Ben realized someone was removing it. Rhondi explained that the Force would sustain Luke, and he didn't need food. When Ben pressed further, Rhondi admitted that they were eating his food only to help him realize he didn't need it, only the Force." This seems to be largely written from Ben's point of view, as opposed to Rhondi's.
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) ***Better, but please check grammar, and is the "worried glance" really necessary?
 * 68) ****Addressed, and yes otherwise it's Rhondi and Rolund knew that it wasn't falling out... to me, that with the sentence before it makes it too choppy.
 * 69) *****The "worried glance" is insignificant to the character and the storyline and should be removed; if it makes it choppy, then you should reword the sentence.
 * 70) ******Addressed
 * 71) * IIRC, Rhondi and Rolund stole food from the Jade Shadow to prove to Ben that he didn't need food to survive, not because they were malnourished.
 * 72) **I didn't write that..Addressed
 * 73) ***Okay, but you still need to say why they stole the food.
 * 74) ****I clarify that later in the Bio. so adding it there would be somewhat redundant
 * 75) *****But the way you have it now makes it sound like they would come in and sit down with Ben and eat with him, and that he was okay with it, which wasn't the case at all. Remember, this is from Rhondi's point of view, and she knew that she was stealing it from the beginning, so you should say so from the beginning.
 * 76) ******Addressed
 * 77) * It wasn't really a "deal" in the sense that you seem to imply; Ben forced Rhondi to protect him as they went beyond shadows to ensure that he didn't die there, because, if he did, then Rolund would die. Please correct this.
 * 78) **Addressed hopefully
 * 79) ***Better, but please make it a little less colloquial.
 * 80) ****Addressed
 * 81) * Why did Ben shackle Rhondi with stun cuffs?
 * 82) **Addressed
 * 83) ***Not seeing any changes here.
 * 84) ****Addressed
 * 85) *"Across the lake in the mists, they could see a woman who was trying to draw them to her. Luke decided to talk to the woman, and Rhondi guided the Skywalkers toward the figure, warning them to stay immediately behind her lest they fall into the depths, where they couldn't be saved. Along the way, Rhondi watched as the Skywalkers talked to Anakin Solo, Mara Jade Skywalker, and Jacen Solo. When the three returned to their physical bodies..." Why didn't they continue on their way to see the woman? Why did they decide to return to their bodies?
 * 86) **Addressed
 * 87) ***Much better, but please check grammar.
 * 88) *You say Beyond Shadow, or even "Beyond Shadows" often; in the novel, it is written as beyond shadows, with no quotation marks or capitals. I believe I have fixed these, but be careful of this in the future.
 * 89) *Please add context (just a bit) for Anakin Solo, Mara Jade, and the Lake of Apparitions in the bio.
 * 90) **Addressed
 * 91) ***This is too much, it now breaks up the flow. It would be enough to say they were Jedi, and for Jacen: Jedi-turned-Sith
 * 92) * You have no mention of Seek Ryontarr or Feryl, both of whom were with the Skywalkers and Rhondi beyond shadows, and both of whom interacted with Rhondi. (i.e. Ryontarr was upset that she had made the bargain with Ben)
 * 93) **Addressed
 * 94) ***You haven't added anything about how Ryontarr was upset that Rhondi had promised she'd get Ben back quickly and safely, or any other interactions she had with Seek and Feryl.
 * 95) *The novel doesn't say anything to indicate that Rhondi told the Skywalkers that they had seen Force ghosts. Also, there is some information missing in the article about her talk with the Skywalkers after returning from beyond shadows. Please review this section of the novel and add the missing info.
 * 96) **There was a lot of meaningless conversation in that bit so if I missed something I'll put it in, otherwise addressed
 * 97) ***You've added the necessary info from the conversation, but I'm still seeing several mentions of Force Ghosts. I repeat, the novel doesn't say anything to indicate that Rhondi told the Skywalkers that the people they'd seen in the lake were Force ghosts. Calling them such is speculation.
 * 98) *Why did Rhondi rush to and begin pounding on the door?
 * 99) **Addressed, if not already obvious
 * 100) ***Not seeing any changes, and no, it's not obvious: what did she hope to accomplish by pounding on the door? Also, why did the Skywalkers try and stop her? The way you've phrased it makes it sound like they knew something bad was going to happen to her, which they didn't. Also, how was the detonator set off? (i.e. it didn't just randomly explode)
 * 101) *In the P&t: Ben wasn't going to kill Rolund, just use him as leverage; Rhondi didn't strike a deal with Ben to save Rolund's life. Ben forced her to ensure that he survived beyond shadows by locking Rolund in a room, so that if they stayed beyond shadows too long or if he died beyond shadows then Rolund would also eventually die.
 * 102) **Addressed
 * 103) ***Please explain better, it's rather unclear as is. Also, check grammar/spelling.
 * 104) *Something should be added about her appearance in the P&t.
 * 105) **Do you want her hair color, or some sort of Before and After when going to beyond shadows?
 * 106) ***Her physical appearance; she was described extensively upon her first appearance in the novel.
 * 107) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:50, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * This had some junk in it. But I cleaned it out, so if it wasn't actually ready before, it is now.--Darth Niffoc 20:21, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Unless you're asked to otherwise, please put all quotes outside of punctuation.  CC7567  (talk) 21:50, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Sorry Jonjedigrandmaster but I will start cracking on your objections tomorrow or the next day as I am slightly busy...--Darth Niffoc 18:19, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Timar Daragon

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:48, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Paraphrase more. This cannot read exactly like Hok Daragon. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I don't exactly see how this is a problem; all the info on her is included, and the only thing that really distinguishes them is that one is male and one is female. They're together for the entirety of the comic.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 15:17, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Fine, fine, I'll paraphrase.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 22:57, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Remove nomination (AgriCorps vote only)
 * 1) Cut-and-paste of Hok Daragon. Nominator expresses no desire to paraphrase.  Graestan ( Talk ) 18:47, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kirrek (Unification Wars)

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:47, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ.

(3 ACs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Graestan ( Talk ) 16:49, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:18, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:10, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Please watch your tenses; writing isn't very coherent when it's switching rapidly between present and future tense.  CC7567  (talk) 07:16, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * "to unify the seven worlds of the Koros system" occurs in two sentences consecutively. Please vary it up.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Is the quote in the aftermath section meant to be "your battle meditation"? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:41, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Yes.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 15:18, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Jilruan

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 01:06, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: When The Atlas and Starcrash combine

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks good! ~ SavageBob 00:49, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 04:08, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  JangFett  Talk 11:21, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:52, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Looks good to me.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 05:38, September 3, 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) What I could find...
 * 2) *Biology and appearance
 * 3) ** "A towering and war-like species, the Jilruans had two upper limbs that ended in five-fingered hands." This sentence is worded a bit strangely, almost implying that the Jilruans had more than two arms.
 * 4) ***I've worded it this way because we have no idea how many or if they have legs. Their lower bodies are covered by robes. --Eyrezer 12:20, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Ah, makes sense, then.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 05:38, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *That was pretty much it. Anything else was minor copyedit stuff that I tackled.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 06:30, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) The wording at the end of the intro implies that the droid destroyed all of the Jilruans everywhere, whereas in the bio it seems it just crushed some attendants; please clarify. Other than that, great work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 19:43, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *Addressed. --Eyrezer 20:47, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) A Society and culture section laying out that they lived in servitude would be appropriate. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:16, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *The Atlas doesn't actually say anything about servitude.--Eyrezer 02:35, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **The wording could use a tweak, then, because that is the impression I am given by the article. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:46, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***They were conquered by the Hutts and individual Jilruans work in various roles, but they are never identified as a subservient like the Klatoonians, Nikto etc are. Your proposed section would add nothing to the article, and the current wording is correct. --Eyrezer 05:37, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****"Having been conquered by the Hutt species, they served Hutts, t'landa Til, and Yahk-Tosh in various roles."
 * 14) ****"Their desert homeworld was conquered millennia prior to the Battle of Yavin by the Hutt species, becoming part of Hutt Space. They were integrated into Hutt society as gladiators, retainers, and attendants for not only their Hutt overlords but t'landa Til and Yahk-Tosh as well."
 * 15) ****This wording really makes it sound as though the Jilruans as a species were indentured to the Hutts and their allies. It should be more specific if anything in order to keep it from appearing that way if it isn't the case. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:03, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *****The original source says that the Jilruans were "conquered by the Hutts millennia ago and used as attendants, retainers, gladiators by a number of Hutt clans, Yahk-Tosh warlords, and t'landa Til." IMO, the article as it currently is now accurately reflects this. If you can pinpoint where you feel it diverges, please specify, or if it is minor, make the appropriate change. --Eyrezer 01:19, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Ice Demon

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 04:47, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The last of my Ewoks run for the time being. ~ SavageBob 04:47, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) No such luck; we'll have all the Endorian fauna here. But, hey, I'm waiting for the Bordok. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:29, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) I don't want to see "appear similar in appearance" again, though. :P  CC7567  (talk) 07:08, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) You should probebly mention that at least one Ice Demon (Stagorr), was Force-sensitive. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:24, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Soresu
 * 3) *It is hard to relate the description of the quote in the body with the quote itself, since the Ice Demon image pushes the quote accross too far. Rearrange some stuff.
 * 4) *Stagorr dueled Logray when he arrived. Put in a little sentence about why Logray comes. All you've established is that Stagorr wants to lure him there, you haven't actually explained why Logray arrives. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:12, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) The last few sentences of your "History" is really confusing. I thought the demon was still in the mountain? How did Wicket melt him? You jump right from "Logray gave up his staff" to "Wicket melted him", in essence.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:06, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Shaliz'Na

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 09:35, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Three in a row. An Atrivis sector Project-crossover

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) 128 available S-pecies after 6 FA or GA, 2 noms. A long list still. But you can feature this one any time you want. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:43, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 11:54, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:53, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 05:06, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:32, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy after species beginning with an S
 * 2) * The Shaliz'Na were enslaved by the Galactic Empire, and large numbers of the species became addicted to alcohol. Do you mean they became addicted as a consequence of their enslavement? Or are the events unrelated, coinciding only in time?
 * 3) * The last sentences under History are not ref'ed.
 * 4) *and... that all, I guess. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:58, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **I had to get one S species before you nabbed them all! The source is a little ambiguous regards the alcohol. I've tried to reword to more accurately reflect this. Ref added, too. Thanks for the review. --Eyrezer 10:39, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Soresu
 * 7) * The 2nd, 3rd, and 4th sentences all start with "the species". Vary it up. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:17, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Handled. This was one of those simple fixes that reviewers should feel comfortable handling themselves&mdash;we're working together to get these articles recognized! Graestan ( Talk ) 11:45, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Was their addiction said to be chemical (like Arcona with salt) or psychological? Perhaps it belongs in the biology section, with only the ramifications going in the culture section. Graestan ( Talk ) 11:54, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * It doesn't say either way, unfortunately. --Eyrezer 11:38, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Gwarrk

 * Nominated by:-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:41, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part one of my Gauntlet of Death project. Thanks to Qui-Gon Jinn for the pre-perview

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:56, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 11:25, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * "Gwarrk stated that the Jedi had created the army for warfare and he put the clones to their purpose. He also stated that the troops had failed because their power was not great enough." "stated" is repetitive. Also, is there a way to merge these sentences together? It's rather redundant, and gets too pbp, if you mention one thing that he said in one sentence and then mention more in another sentence.
 * 3) * JangFett  Talk 19:50, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Fixed. Thanks for the review, Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:09, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Gorrm

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:32, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Giant monkey man with an earring!

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Farl-suggestion:
 * 2) * As you are nominating several articles that link to Merchants' Guild, could you consider creating an article/stub for Merchant's Guild? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:49, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) For starters, there is information which is cited as being from FotSE which is not from that source. Graestan ( Talk ) 00:42, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Livette

 * Nominated by: Drgns007
 * Nomination comments:I've tried to her nominated before.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *As far as I can see, you've done nothing to address the objections from your first and second attempts to nominate this article. Until and unless those objections are handled first, this nomination is going nowhere. Your nomination was removed both times before because it had fallen idle, meaning you had stopped working on it. That doesn't mean wait until a few months have passed and try nominating it again in the hopes that these objections will just go away. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:47, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

20,000 BBY

 * Nominated by: &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:37, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another round of chronology, part 1.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:51, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 05:12, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * There are no quotes about this year or the events contained therein that I could find. If anyone does, feel free to add it. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:40, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * What about a quote on the general time period/era? Are there any for, say, the Great Manifest? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Same there: so far, nothing. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:27, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * I've added one, from the NEC. As it's an IU text, it can be quoted. Also, it referes to the Great Manifest period with a lowercase "p" in case that doesn't conflict with anything. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:43, September 17, 2009 (UTC)

19,997 BBY

 * Nominated by: &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:37, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another round of chronology, part 2.

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:08, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 05:15, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:29, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * I could not find a quote about this year at all; especially since it only appears in one source. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:40, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Wilyem

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:06, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The third Barabel in Operation: Toydarian double-reverse spinner; Abyssalicious

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) "Abyssalicious"? XD  JangFett  Talk 17:08, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:37, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 05:50, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:03, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Bts, perhaps?  CC7567  (talk) 05:21, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I handled this while I was reading it.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 05:37, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Thanks Grun; don't know how I forgot that. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:48, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Soresu
 * 5) * Does the source state that the illness only befell young people? If not, just remove it. Doesn't really add anything to the article anyway. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 05:55, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Yeah, they talk about how it has only affected young Jedi who were at Shelter during the Vong War. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:17, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Mission to the Thicket

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 05:01, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: What seems to be the last of Hunting the Hunters.

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) No need for another review. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:54, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  Talk 11:40, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Very nice work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:21, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:46, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Just one thing
 * 2) *I may be mistaken but wasn't Torrent Four killed instead of the other pilot.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:29, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Both were.  CC7567  (talk) 21:53, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Than the casualties are two Torrent and the probe. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:28, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) What? Grand Moff Tranner is reviewing a TCW nom?
 * 6) * B1 battle droids are shown in the comic. This needs to be mentioned in the infobox.
 * 7) **Eh...well, I guess, even though they didn't do anything.  CC7567  (talk) 21:53, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Torrent Four is not destroyed by enemy fire, nor is the probe. The probe was somehow reprogrammed by HELIOS and maneuvered into colliding with Torrent Four. Vulture droids played no role in their destruction. However, Vulture droids do lure the second Torrent from the comic into the remnants of the LaserWeb.
 * 9) **And only now I see the V-19 wings in the explosion. Thanks for the correction.  CC7567  (talk) 21:53, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) *That's all for now, but given the fact that I'm currently half-asleep, I'll give this another review later. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:21, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Cheers till then, Tranner.  CC7567  (talk) 21:53, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) Soresu
 * 13) * The mission to the Thicket You shouldn't be using the name in the article, since it's conjectural.  SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 09:08, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **If it's decapitalized like that, I cannot see why not. It's still not an official name.  CC7567  (talk) 16:11, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Okay. I just don't want people to start thinking it's a canon name despite the conjecture template. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 10:46, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) "In a preceding skirmish between Republic fighters and HELIOS-3D's space forces, HELIOS-3D was defeated." The chronology shift here is a little sudden in the intro. Is there any way this could be worded differently, or maybe moved up earlier in the intro?  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:26, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *Reworded.  CC7567  (talk) 20:06, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Bomb squad trooper

 * Nominated by:-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 12:01, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: First non character/battle or OOU Article TCW nom ?

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
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Object Comments
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Intro-"typical bomb squad duties" I know what you meant, however, others might know what "bomb squad duties" are. Please rephrase
 * 3) **Fixed
 * 4) ***Still remains, Lee.
 * 5) ****Eh, cleared in the next sentence
 * 6) * Intro-"&hellip;where Doctor Nuvo Vindi created probes of the Blue Shadow Virus" Factual error: he did not create the virus, he restored and made it an airborne virus.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) * In the intro, you say "Bomb Squad troopers saw action in Naboo." and then in the next sentence you say "Bomb Squad troopers were used.." Like your Tucker GAN, please watch how you phrase sentences. These are similiar to each other and looks like you're repeating redundant information. I suggest you remove "Bomb squad saw action," because it sounds like this was there first mission.
 * 9) **Fixed.
 * 10) ***I'm crossing this for now.
 * 11) *Intro-"while the rest of the forces captured Vindi" Factual error: not all went and captured Vindi. Only Skywalker and Kenobi did so.
 * 12) **Fixed.
 * 13) ***"The troopers managed to disarm the bombs Skywalker and Kenobi captured Vindi" Improper English.
 * 14) ****Fixed.
 * 15) *****Try not to use the word "managed," due to it being improperly used. Please use a different word.
 * 16) * Intro-"Skywalker and Kenobi were able to help the clones&mdash;which were infected by the virus&mdash;by finding a cure on Iego, while Tano, Amidala and the clones destroyed all droids in the laboratory." By saying "clones" it sounds like the bomb squd was only infected, however, that is false. You failed to mention about other clone troopers&mdash;not bomb squad troops&mdash;that helped the raid and its aftermath when the virus leaked.
 * 17) **Fixed
 * 18) ***Still remains.
 * 19) ****Fixed.
 * 20) * tag in the first sentence of the history.
 * 21) **Eh, no source.-- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:19, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***Well, let's see. "Bomb Squad Troopers were special clone troopers in the Grand Army of the Republic and tasked with the disarming and disposal of bombs." That's "Blue Shadow Virus" :)
 * 23) ****Sourced.
 * 24) * "While Skywalker’s Padawan Ahsoka Tano created a diversion" No she did not. Ahsoka, Rex, and a group of clones were destroying the droids, and were soon joined by Kenobi. And yes, Skywalker went to save his wife from Vindi.
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "should subdue" Too colloquial and not-encyclopedic.
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) ***Don't use "Should".
 * 29) * "The plan was successful and Kenobi and the bomb troopers reached the room were the bombs were deactivated." What plan? And I thought Kenobi went with Skywalker to capture Vindi. I recall only Amdiala, Ahsoka, Rex, clone troopers only witnessed the deactivation of the last bomb.
 * 30) **Fixed.
 * 31) * "However, at the moment the troopers were in all bombs were activated by Vindi." The troopers were in all bombs? were activated by Vindi? Improper english.
 * 32) **Fixed.
 * 33) * "While Kenobi left, the clones began disarming the bombs." Okay, you're confusing me, Lee. You mentioned that the plan was successful and the bomb squad deactivated the bombs, but now you're saying Kenobi left? In the episode, Kenobi was with the bomb squad troops until Skywalker called him. At the end of the episode, when Vindi tried to leak the virus, the bomb squad deactivated the last bomb. You're making too many factual errors and it's not chronological.
 * 34) **Fixed.
 * 35) * "Some time later" When later? Rephrase.
 * 36) **Fixed.
 * 37) ***Don't use "later".
 * 38) * " The droid brought the pipe in a bomb and detonated it, spreading the Blue Shadow Virus in the laboratory." What droid? Was it Vindi's assistant? Please specify.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) * "while the clones, Tano and Amidala destroyed the droids inside the laboratory." This doesn't make sense. What droids? You could have mentioned that they found a cure to save the clones, Ahsoka, and Amidala. I don't see why mentioning the droid attack in "Mystery of a Thousand Moons" is relevant to the bomb squad.
 * 41) **Fixed
 * 42) ***Why did you remove it all? While I meant that mentioning the droid attack in the episode was irrelevant, you should have said that they found a cure and saved Amidala, Ahsoka, Rex, and who ever else was rescued.
 * 43) ****Fixed.
 * 44) * Could you find another word to replace "grippers"? Or possibly add some context for it.
 * 45) **Fixed
 * 46) *Please watch your spelling. More to come, Lee.  JangFett  Talk 19:22, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) **Thanks for the (first) review Jang. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:32, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) Few more for now.
 * 49) * "After the scientist's capture, one bomb was taken by Vindi’s private droid. Senator Amidala found the droid and managed to take the bomb. Tano sent the bomb troopers to Amidala which successfully disarmed the bombs before Vindi activated them." These are all short, choppy sentences. Please go back and make them flow better. Also, while Ahsoka did bring the bomb squad to Amidala, make sure you mention "Due to the timely arrival of the bomb squad."  JangFett  Talk 19:49, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) **Fixed and thanks. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 15:41, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) *"The Republic plan was successful and Kenobi and the bomb troopers reached the room were the bombs were deactivated." Prior to this sentence, you mentioned that Kenobi and the bomb squad reached the room, however, in this sentence you say they "reached" the room and successfully deactivated the bombs again. Again, you're repeating information. also, this sentence is a factual error. Kenobi was not with the bomb squad when they deactivated the last bomb.
 * 52) *"However, at the moment the troopers arrived all bombs were activated by Vindi who was fleeing." Improper English. Make sure your sentences flow well. I'm still seeing short, choppy sentences.
 * 53) * JangFett  Talk 23:33, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) I'll fix the rest tomorrow or today. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:19, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Forget that. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:32, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Kashoonara

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 01:43, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

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Object

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