Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Lumiya (second nomination)

Lumiya

 * Nominated by:  —Tommy  9281  Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 22:20 UTC 
 * Nomination comments: Two years in the making. While my work and my life are not done, I would really welcome a rest nonetheless.

Support

 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed.  Master Jonathan &mdash; Jedi Council Chambers Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 23:06 UTC

Prepare to be savaged&hellip;

 * The BTS reads as if it was known all along that Brie and Lumiya were the same person, but I don't believe that was the case. Were they not separate characters that were later retconned into one? If so, the BTS should note which source specifically established their unified identity. If this was the plan all along, however, I guess I misunderstood my EU. :) ~ Savage BOB sig.png 18:07, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * The comics make clear that Brie was intended to be Lumiya all along. The only retcon I am aware of was identified in The Essential Chronology with regard to her Emperor's Hand status.  —Tommy  9281  Wednesday, August 10, 2011, 23:36 UTC 
 * OK, I'm reading through Marvel now, and guess I got some bad intel. I'll try to give the article a full review soon. ~ Savage BOB sig.png 14:12, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * OK, on to the lead: "His Imperial Majesty" seems quite strange in an encyclopedia article, and even seems a bit POV to me. Why not change it to just "Galactic Emperor"? He certainly wasn't "Imperial Majesty" to the Rebels.
 * A bit of context on the New Order is probably warranted.
 * "the latter of which" --> since the sentence is getting kind of long, I'd suggest either breaking it down a bit (either into two sentences or with a semicolon) or indicating "the latter goal of which" or somesuch to indicate what "latter" is referring to.
 * Since expatriation refers to nations and states, I'm not sure we can use it for Luke's leaving the Alliance. Perhaps exile?
 * It seems a bit strange to call her lightwhip infamous at first mention; it takes time to gain infamy, so it's almost anachronistic unless you add some clunky qualifier, like "which would become infamous." Probably best to just ditch it on first mention.
 * Lumiya's "defaulting" to Mistress of the Sith needs a bit of explanation. Why would their deaths change her ranking/title? ~ Savage BOB sig.png 00:55, August 29, 2011 (UTC)

The Dolphin Attacks

 * Disclaimer: Keep in mind that this is only a preliminary review, and please contact me on my talk page if I forget to address any comments as I occasionally do.-- ID-21 Dolphin  DolphinJedi.png(Talk) 19:03, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * First of all, the intro should be cut to roughly 3/4 of its current size. I notice that you've been cutting it down over the last couple months, just a little more would be fine.
 * The lead quote is very vague and uninteresting; essentially it only states her name and her alias, which are already stated in the prose of the first paragraph. The quote at the top of |this revision is better suited because it offers more of an insight into her history and personality. Otherwise, if you can find another really good quote, I'm always open.
 * Speaking of quotes, the quote in the "legacy" section is waaaaay too long to serve its purpose. I would suggest keeping just the first four lines or otherwise the third and fourth line by themselves.
 * And the quote in "Seducing a Jedi" is also too long, which can be a little annoying for monologue. I would cut it down from "'Take what I have to teach you, Jacen'" to the end which makes it a much more concise and powerful quote.
 * In the first part of the biography, the Carida and Chinshassa images should be replaced with images of Lumiya herself as is preferable. There's a nice NEGTC images that was delted from the site some time ago for being unused, but it would probably fit best there. Other images like that of Flint and that of Rebel pilot Skywalker could be changed to some ofLumiya, since comics are usually high on images.
 * Also, for images, this one seems like too much of a stretch from Lumiya and the events in the book to belong in this section. This image of Lumiya would fit much better IMO seeing as it's always better to include images of the subject if possible.
 * I would add an imagecat to the Appearances section.
 * Some of the more verbose parts of the intro could be cut down; for example, "His Imperial Majesty Palpatine" is a little too grandiose and could be changed to simply "Emperor Palpatine".
 * Also, Lumiya should be mentioned as her main name in the first sentence of the intro, since having it at the end of the paragraph seems too far.
 * Otherwise great work. That's all for now.-- ID-21 Dolphin  DolphinJedi.png(Talk) 19:03, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * And by the way, that nomination comment is hilarious. :) -- ID-21 Dolphin  DolphinJedi.png(Talk) 19:04, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * The intro is well in proportion with the article proper. It was once said that there is a subtlety to quote selection that few writers possess; such is the case with the lead quote. Other things like image and quote choice, etc. are matters of preference; I happened to write the current version of the article, complete with images that reflect the particular sections in which they are found. Basically, each of these preliminary objections qualifies as a matter of stylistic opinion rather than issues that warrant objection.  —Tommy  9281  Sunday, August 21, 2011, 19:15 UTC 

Comments

 * Special thanks to, for providing much of the behind the scenes material. Tremendous thanks to , who provided a stellar copy edit and with zeal. This nomination is dedicated to , who initially began this project with me, but has since left the site to pursue other endeavors. Here's to you, my friend, thank you.  —Tommy  9281  Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 22:20 UTC 
 * Lumiya should be nominates as good article.--Nihilus 16:36, August 21, 2011 (UTC)