Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Aleema Keto


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) This is my first forage on to this page. I hope it goes well. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:34, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Cull Tremayne 19:10, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Very nice job, Tommy. You worked hard on this one, and you've done an excellent job addressing the objections through both rounds. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:48, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:25, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Between Tommy's anvil and Toprawa's merciless hammer, this one is well-forged. No objections.  Graestan ( Talk ) 02:33, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) This article has come a long ways, and I'm glad that Tommy is willingly continuing along the road of being a valued member of the site :) Keep up the positive attitude, and learn from those around you. You've done well, so be proud of this FAN, Tommy. Greyman  @wikiajanitor ( Talk ) 02:50, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) --Eyrezer 01:03, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Stuff
 * 2) * Intro could stand to be expanded. I'd like to see at least two paragraphs that summarize her actions in the series. Maybe the first summarizing her history with the Krath (going to Onderon, creating a coup, etc.) and the second summarizing her actions in the Great Sith War?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * No header for the first section under "Biography"?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Am I missing something, or why is Ommin not linked in the first section?
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "Curious about the ancient Sith text, Ommin was pleased by these two potential Sith initiates, and so agreed to help them." The beginning clause here doesn't seem to agree with the rest of the sentence. He was curious about the text, so then he became pleased by the two initiates? Some rewording might be desirable.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Why is Korus not linked in the Trouble for the Republic section?
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "During a visit to her uncle's carbonite processing facility, Aleema, along with Satal, caused an uproar when their escort Korus revealed that his tongue had been replaced with an adegan eel. Reeling with anger, Lord Keto demanded that she and Satal be arrested. The Keto cousins had other plans, however, and Aleema again used her newfound talents to turn the guardsmen's weapons into illusory snakes that drove them into despair." This whole section could stand some rewording. Korus "revealed" that his tongue had been replaced? Why not just tell us that Aleema did the deed? "Drove them into despair" is an odd bit of wording and brings us out of the topic at hand.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * "Some time later, Aleema and Satal used Krath war droids disguised as servitors to attack the Conclave on Deneba, where the Jedi had gathered to discuss the growing Krath threat." Is servitor the best word here?
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * No mention of Aleema being present when Exar came to confront Ulic? I mean, the picture in the powers section is her casting her spells at Exar isn't it? And yet nothing on that encounter?
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * To build on that, the transition points in this section are almost non-existent. You go from Satal being cut down, then jump to the duel on Kuar, then you jump backwards to Exar Kun having joined them in holy war. This could really use some general clean-up, at least so that the events are placed in a proper chronological sequence.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * For the Fatal Betrayal section, if I didn't actually know the plot, I would have no idea what was going on. You mention Sadow's use of the Corsair, which has little relevance to Aleema, but then you jump backwards to Exar teaching her how to use the ship. This is odd, because earlier, you were talking about how she was already at Kemplex IX with the ship. You should go back and probably rewrite this section, beginning with Ulic's plan to betray her, then Exar teaching her how to use it, and then finally her attack on the station and death.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) ***Much better.
 * 23) * "The way was now clear for Aleema to govern the Krath exclusively, and with Qel-Droma by her side she became even more brash and arrogant, fully believing in the strength of her powers." This sentence in the P&T is almost in the present tense for the beginning. Really needs to be reworded.
 * 24) **Gotcha. Addressed.
 * 25) * You mention in the Powers and Abilities section that the Krath Enchanter nearly crashed on Onderon, however, this event isn't mentioned in the main biography? Is there any reason why it hasn't been mentioned?
 * 26) **This is explained in the "Coruscant endeavor" section. "Their yacht was shot down in the midst of a Republic rocket-jumper deployment, and crashed in the Onderonian capital of Iziz..."
 * 27) ***Missed that.
 * 28) *Nice job expanding this. Cull Tremayne 08:06, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **Thanks for looking, Cull. This was written before I had a real concept & grasp on how to write a Wookieepedia article. I'm glad that it is good enough to even garner any attention at all. If anything else is required, let me know & I'll be happy to fix it. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 17:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***Perfectly understandable. Good job here. Cull Tremayne 19:10, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 32) * You link "Tetan Monarchy" to the Empress Teta system in the infobox. Please link it to the actual monarchy article; if there is not an article, please create one
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * I'm not exactly sure what you mean by saying the battle brought light to the Sith power. Please clarify: "brought light to the Sith powers at work in Tetan space."
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * Please add a little bit here to explain that she caused a supernova: "She was later killed by her own actions when she caused the destruction of the Cron Cluster during the Battle of Kemplex IX"
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * Please link something to this "battle," or otherwise create an appropriate article: "They arrived on Onderon to find a massive battle taking place between Galactic Republic forces and the Naddists"
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) * Not sure who you are referring to when you say, "he convinced," Ommin or Nadd?: "Nadd realized Ommin had failed in his task of restoring the glory of the Sith; instead, he convinced Aleema and Satal that they held the key to building a new Sith Empire and that he would guide them"
 * 41) **Addressed.
 * 42) * I'm not sure what this is saying. You introduced Korus as their escort, why say "Tutor"? "Tutor Korus would not survive the upstaging either"
 * 43) **Addressed.
 * 44) * From what I understand, Empress Teta and Koros Major are one planet in the same. As such, it's important that you don't alternate between using both names for the sake of not confusing people, like myself. :P So, please make sure you stick to one, either "Empress Teta" or "Koros Major," and stick with it. I'm really referring to this sentence here, after you called the planet Koros Major in the previous section. Please go through and make sure everything is uniform: "He arrived on Empress Teta and made his way to Cinnagar,"
 * 45) **True. It is referred to interchangeably throughout the story. I'll change it to Empress Teta though. I understand the necessity of uniformity. Addressed.
 * 46) * This goes along with the previous objection. You then call it Koros Major here. If this planet is indeed the same, this is extremely confusing: "During a skirmish on Koros Major,"
 * 47) **Addressed.
 * 48) ** Here's another one: "refused to leave Koros Major with them."
 * 49) **Addressed.
 * 50) * Additionally, in that same sentence, please link to whatever "skirmish" we are talking about
 * 51) **Addressed.
 * 52) * Please elaborate on what Kun's "work" is. You should do this in the first sentence of this paragraph: "Kun was aware of this and saw Nadd's other students as potential threats to his work."
 * 53) **Addressed.
 * 54) * I'm not sure what this is exactly, but if it's just a cliche, please remove it: "one with a new firebrand stamped on his forehead"
 * 55) **Addressed.
 * 56) * There really isn't enough content under the "Legacy" section to warrant its own section. I would recommend expanding on it a little, but if you cannot, please merge those two sentences into the previous section
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) * Did you not specify earlier that there were 10 stars in the Cluster? "and used it to destroy the nine stars of the Cron Cluster" Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:42, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) **Addressed.
 * 60) "where they just barely escaped the explosion into the streets." (para 3) I'm not sure what is meant by this. Their ship exploded on the street? --Eyrezer 03:50, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) *Addressed.
 * 62) "After receiving instruction from both Freedon Nadd and King Ommin, Aleema developed a unique connection with the dark side that she developed into quite the reckoning force." Was her connection unique or just strong? The "reckoning force" seems a bit informal. Can it be changed? --Eyrezer 03:50, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) *I agree. Addressed. Eyrezer, thanks for looking. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) 20:21, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * Thanks Toprawa for looking. If anything else is required, please let me know. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 16:05, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Take a look at the edit I just did and make a note of it, please. Your refs were a bit redundant. Not that this interferes with functionality, but I'd consider sloppy code to be an objectionable point next time. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:25, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Sorry about that Culator. Again, this was done when I was fairly new to the process, & I didn't learn about reference code until later in the game. I do understand your point however, and have not repeated that style since this particular situation. I appreciate your feedback. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) 20:21, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Looks like Hetton is gonna break the tie...