Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Dhidal Nyz


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dhidal Nyz

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:58, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Because I really need another Outcast nom ;)

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 02:46, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Keep up the good work. :) Kilson Likes PIE 01:23, 13 May 09 (UTC)
 * 3) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 03:26, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:43, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:17, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 19:00, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The clone has no comment...even though that was just a comment.
 * 2) *Just a note: the intro was in future tense, which was rather confusing (as well as inconsistent). I corrected it; just try to keep it in mind for the future.
 * 3) **Ok, thanks; I'll watch for that in the future. (I think I rushed into this nom a bit, I don't think it was quite where I needed it to be yet).
 * 4) * "most of which were high-value fugitives, many from patents or military contracts": rather choppy.
 * 5) **Better?
 * 6) * In the body, who hired him to capture Horn? Also, "partnering" him without saying who hired him makes it more confusing because it's implying a higher power (or his employer) was involved without mentioning it.
 * 7) **It's never stated clearly in the novel who he was working for, but I've removed the "partnering" part.
 * 8) * Context for Force Psychosis is mentioned with Hellin; please move it up to Horn's mention.
 * 9) **Oops. Fixed.
 * 10) * "Somewhat" is used twice in the P&T. Instead of using it, try to find an appropriate word that doesn't need "somewhat" to portray its level.
 * 11) **Changed.
 * 12) * "In the past" isn't too specific, since the article isn't oriented to a specific period of time; it's about his character as a whole.
 * 13) **Removed.
 * 14) * "he preferred to use weapons that he invented, among other heavy weaponry.": bit awkward wording.
 * 15) **Better?
 * 16) *I hope this is the last Outcast character. :P  CC7567  (talk) 00:08, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Don't worry, it is. Nobody else really has enough information for a GA ;). Thanks as always for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:40, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) The PIEman's time
 * 19) * You should give some context in the intro exactly why he failed to capture Horn.
 * 20) **Added.
 * 21) * In 43.5 ABY, he attempted to capture Jedi Knight Valin Horn, who had gone on a destructive rampage through the galactic capital of Coruscant after a psychotic breakdown, which caused the affected being to believe that everyone they knew had been replaced by impostors, except for others who suffered from the disease. This is a run-on, try to break it down. You might want to put the psychtoic breakdown context into its own sentence.
 * 22) **Addressed.
 * 23) * You stated in both the Biography and in the P&T sections that he made much of his fortune off of his bounties, most of which were high-value fugitives from patents or military contracts. I would cut this sentance from one of the sections so that you are not restating it in the other.
 * 24) **Addressed.
 * 25) *Other than that, looks fine. Nice job dude. Kilson Likes PIE 04:07, 12 May 09 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thanks PIEman Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 11:13, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Soresu
 * 28) * A female bounty hunter to Nyz, after he shot Solo with his net and managed to ensnare a Jedi twice with his electric-pulse net. If he shot at Solo, then why isn't the info in the bio? An under-1000 word article should be very comprehensive.
 * 29) **Significant amount of info added.
 * 30) *** During the hunt, another being piloted Nyz's cargo hauler, and Nyz and his comrades rode in the ship's bed. During the chase, as Horn was fleeing from Jedi pursuers, he ejected from the X-wing he had been flying and landed in the bed of the hauler. Is that out of chronology? Nyz rides in the bed, then ejects out of an X-wing onto the hauler? Also, "during the" is repetitive, and his ability to pilot an X-wing should be in the P&T. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 00:08, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****Horn was the one ejecting from the X-wing; reworded for clarity.
 * 32) *****Ah, I see. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 03:26, 16 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * another being piloted Nyz's cargo hauler, and Nyz and his comrade. Which comrade? Vaxx, or the female? SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:19, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) **Supposed to be "comrades"; fixed now. Thanks for the review :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 23:38, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) I'd like a little more expansion on why Skywalker was under arrest, and what the resolution to the event was. -  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:32, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) *Expanded. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:26, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments