Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


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So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
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 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
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 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
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 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
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 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 7) Per Inquisitorius consensus, nominators are restricted to three nominations on the FAN page at any one time. Once one nomination is removed from the page as either successful or unsuccessful, another can be added.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) Please note that in order for your vote to count, you must have 50 mainspace edits.
 * 4) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 5) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 6) Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
 * 7) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

HK-47

 * Nominated by: JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:42, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Statement: This time, optimal quality is guaranteed.

(1 Inqs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Optimal accuracy ratio achieved. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:16, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:13, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 04:18, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Just because I helped in the beginning, don't think this'll be easy :P
 * 2) * "After the significant loss of life at the Battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47 as an alternative as he no longer felt destruction of such a scale necessary for his goals." This is confusing and it was already stated in the sentence before that Revan created HK.
 * 3) **Hopefully clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * "The droid went on to help Revan find the Star Forge once more." Revan found the Star Forge before? What is the Star Forge?
 * 5) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Context on T3, Jedi Exile, GO-TO in the intro.
 * 7) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "were found by GO-TO and used for his purposes." This is too vague.
 * 9) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 21:39, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * "The Exile finally repaired HK-47, who went on to defeat G0-T0 with help from HK-50 droids he persuaded to join the Exile." Why would he need to defeat GO-TO? What was the Exile trying to do?
 * 11) **Re-worded for better understanding. I don't think we need to go into too much detail over GO-TO's goals in the intro. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 03:14, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * "given a new body." Why would he need a new body, what happened to the old one? You should probably mention that he was in the ship as well.
 * 13) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 14) * "This battle climaxed in a showdown between these spacers" What spacers? Were they the ones decieved by HK?
 * 15) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 16) * "HK-47's programming resulted in his enjoyment of bloodshed, and he took pleasure in any sort of violence, even describing his work as a form of art. He had a relatively condescending opinion towards organics, and made a habit of branding all organic lifeforms meatbags." I don't know if this is really neccisary, it's just a footnote disjointed from the intro.
 * 17) **Removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 18) *That's it for now. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:31, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Context on Nar Shaddaa. It should also be stated that GO-TO is a droid.
 * 20) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 21) * As it reads now, the first paragraph jumps from his creation to his capture. There should be a mention that he was set on missions by Revan.
 * 22) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 23) * The first two sentences begin the article by saying that he was created at the beginning of the Jedi Civil War, then they say that he was created in the wake of Malachor V (I reworded this part a little but it was there before) NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:12, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Rewritten. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 03:35, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Nayayen
 * 27) * There is a fair bit of underlinking throughout. Don't forget that links shouldn't be unique to the intro and infobox just as much as information can't be.
 * 28) **After my copyedit I've also found cases of overlinking. For example, Visas Marr is not linked but Sith apprentice is linked at least twice in the body. Just remember: 1 link in intro, 1 in body, 1 in infobox and 1 in each image caption (if the latter two apply). Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **I've since linked and unlinked most of the ones that I could find, if you still see any, feel free to point them out and I'll take care of them immediately. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 30) * In the intro, where did Revan find HK again?
 * 31) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 32) * "Revan decided that more droids of this design would make efficient agents for his purposes." -What are his purposes?
 * 33) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 34) * Am I not correct in thinking that the Sand People then let Revan hear from their storyteller? HK-47 would translate for both parties as before but would often advise against responses that may offend the storyteller.
 * 35) **Actually Revan meets directly with the chieftain while HK provides translation. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 36) ***That is correct but I am fairly certain that you can meet with the storyteller if you fully follow the quest through. For starters, most of what the storyteller's lines (or rather, HK's translations) have the "Sound Resref" of "nm20aaxsto-"; you can check yourself. If you give the chieftain a krayt dragon pearl then he will deem you worthy enough to meet the storyteller. Please look into it. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) ****Yeah, you're correct. I was never generous enough to give them my pearl, so I didn't recall this happening. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 38) * "was honored with Revan's other companions as heroes of the Republic, possibly even being awarded the Cross of Glory" -He either was or wasn't awarded it. There shouldn't be speculation about it.
 * 39) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 40) ***I can't find any reference to him being awarded it in the TSL tlk file. Do you have the StrRef for it? Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) ****I watched the ending of KOTOR again and Dodonna states that she's "proud to honor each of you with the Cross of Glory," which I think makes it a safe assumption that HK-47 received it as well. If you disagree, I'd be perfectly fine with removing any mention of the award. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 42) * '"The attack failed when the Jedi Exile, Visas Marr, Nihilus's former Sith apprentice; and the current Mandalore, Canderous Ordo, along with a large force of Mandalorians boarded Nihilus's flagship, the Ravager, killed Nihilus, and destroyed the ship."'' -This is very disjointed, please fix it.
 * 43) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 44) * You need to put the P&t quote into.
 * 45) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 46) * How could you not even mention his definition of love in the P&t?
 * 47) **Good question, fixed with pleasure. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 48) * "The droid also found attacking a Jedi's allies, as Jedi would often sacrifice themselves to save an ally." -This sentence doesn't make sense.
 * 49) **Not sure what happened here, but fixed nonetheless. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 50) * Who, if anyone, voiced him in SWG?
 * 51) **After checking IMDB pages for both HK and Tabori, it doesn't appear he has a VA in Galaxies, although I'm unfamiliar with the game, and could be mistaken. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 52) ***Well, knowing that IMDB isn't always reliable, can you check with someone who has it? Someone in WP:SWG should be willing and able. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) ****I've just had it confirmed by Fett 1138 that HK-47 doesn't have a voice actor in SWG. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 54) * Does his Force alignment differ between KotOR and TSL?
 * 55) **If it does it doesn't differ noticeably. He starts very dark-sided in both games. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 56) * I don't think this is something that you yourself might be able to fix but can you see about having the "companions of Revan" succession box made the same style as "companions of the Jedi Exile"?
 * 57) **I'll look into it, but I'm admittedly not very good with dealing with that sort of stuff. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 58) **This is overstepping the bounds of the FAN process, to put it politely. You don't want to hear what I really think of this kind of nonsensical objection. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:16, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 59) **FWIW, I did modify the template for consistency's sake, if nothing else. It now matches the KOTOR II template. 22:31, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ***My apologies Culator, I meant to have this as a comment and not an objection. Thank you Fraajic for sorting it. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) * The URL references all need to use.
 * 62) **I'm unfortunately terrible when dealing with refs, so would it be too much to ask for you to fix one as an example? Then I'd know exactly what to do and would fix the rest myself. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 63) ***Certainly, it took me ages to figure them out myself... I've done Ref13. One thing to note is that accessdate needs the format yyyy/mm/dd. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) ****Ok, I fixed the refs, but I did end up listing the Team Gizka one multiple times because I couldn't get the ref name to work. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 65) *****They work the same as normal refs but instead of SOURCE for the first one, you put in the Cite web template. I've fixed them for you. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * Ref No.6 (kotorcg) needs fixing.
 * 67) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 68) * Some of the categories seem a little odd, specifically the "culture" ones. Can you find any more suitable ones?
 * 69) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 70) * I can't believe that there aren't more interwiki links. Please check the list and see if any more languages have HK-47 yet.
 * 71) **LtNOWIS seems to have done this. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) *I may find some more after I do a copyedit this weekend. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) *Four more for you. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) ** "Separatist scientists began studying design elements of HK-47" -who are the Separatists? Someone who doesn't know that the CIS are the Separatists wouldn't be able to see the connection.
 * 75) ***Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 76) ** Further to the linking issues, there seems to be at least 3 things in the Mustafar section that should be linked but aren't.
 * 77) ***Linked a few more, although many of the referenced objects or places don't seem to have articles. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 78) ** "Whether these were intentionally installed by Revan or simply part of his protocol droid package is unclear." -This should be reworded to be from an IU perspective.
 * 79) ***Hopefully fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 80) ** Can the paragraph of the P&t with brackets in be reworded to remove them?
 * 81) ***Brackets removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order)
 * 82) Naru continues...
 * 83) * "Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the superweapon known as the Star Forge." Use the Star Forge to do what? What does the Star Forge do?
 * 84) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) * "While HK-47 displayed obedience to those he identified as his master, he had little regard for any form of life and admitted that he was driven by a desire for violence and carnage. He characteristically used the term meatbag when speaking of organic life forms, especially Humans." This sounds like it should be in the P&T. The following reason for it could also be moved there as well.
 * 86) **I feel that this segment is important where it is, as it establishes the type of programming Revan gave him and explains the origin of the meatbag term. I reworded it a bit so it hopefully fits a bit better. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) * "The droid would continue to serve Revan during the Jedi Civil War, a devastating coonflict between a Sith Empire that Revan created after his turn to the dark side and the Galactic Republic, helping him locate the Star Forge and assassinating beings who could potentially destabilize the galaxy until his master sent him on an assassination mission into Mandalorian space." This is a double "and" and also mildly confusing. Reword.
 * 88) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:06, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) * Revan's memories were lost due to the intervention of the Jedi Council, not as a direct result of Malak's bombardment. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:45, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 90) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:06, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) * NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:00, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) Objections: 
 * 93) * First of all, please standardize your paragraph length. Some are just uber-long, while the others are tiny.
 * 94) **I believed I've made them a bit more even. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 95) * Intro: However, HK-47 had been badly damaged and captured on a mission in Mandalorian space shortly before Revan was captured by the Jedi Order. The assassin droid's memory core was damaged, causing him to forget about his master, and he went from owner to owner, many of whom he inadvertently slew personally. Damaged is a bit repetitive. Please change one.
 * 96) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 97) * The droid also accompanied Revan to the edge of the Unknown Regions along with Revan's utility droid, T3-M4, before being left behind in Revan's starship, the Ebon Hawk, as the proclaimed Jedi Knight journeyed on to face a threat he had remembered from his time as the Dark Lord. Quite confusing as to who "the Jedi Knight" refers to, since you don't establish in the into that Revan was a Jedi.
 * 98) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 99) * Revan's assassin: Not long after the resolution of the war, Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the Star Forge, a superweapon which could produce an endless supply of war material, which Revan hoped to use in conquering the Republic. This one is a run-on.
 * 100) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 101) * The Jedi Council ordered the Sith Lord's memories be re-written, and Revan lost his original memories, including those of HK-47's existence. Change one of the "memories" to something else.
 * 102) **Changed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) * From master to master: The droid shut himself down once again after this discovery and was sold to a Human senator on the galactic capital of Coruscant. I believe that "this discovery" refers to the disovery of his master's death, but please reword to make it more clear.
 * 104) **Clarifed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) * Back with Revan: It was also the signal for HK-47's internal programming to undo the simulated damage to his primary memory core&hellip; Are you sure "simulated" is the appropriate word here? Because is sounds as if HK simulated the damage intentionally, which, from what I can tell, was not the case.
 * 106) **Missed that one, fixed now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 107) * Please provide more context for Revan's search for the Star Forge. Why did he want to find it the second time?
 * 108) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:26, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) *** Now you have two consecutive sentences that state that Revan was looking for the Star Forge. Please fix this.
 * 110) ****Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) ***** Objection stands. Revan was once again trying to find the Star Forge and was looking for the Star Map located on Tatooine. Revan was once again searching for the Star Maps, this time on behalf of the Jedi Council, in order to locate and destroy the superweapon and save the Republic from defeat. These two sentences still state the same info. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ******One more try! JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 113) * Promise: Will continue with the "The Jedi Exile" later. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * The Jedi Exile: When the Jedi Exile who had since gained ownership of the Ebon Hawk reactivated HK-47, using parts retrieved from the imitation HK-50s and a junk dealer on Nar Shaddaa, the droid was enraged to discover these copies of himself, citing their coloration and their lack of using the meatbag reference, instead using "organic," as examples of their inferiority in his eyes. Run-on.
 * 115) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * &hellip;the droid joined the Exile in her journey to find and unite the surviving Jedi Masters from the former Jedi High Council of the First Jedi Purge. Reads as if it was "The Jedi Council of the First Jedi Purge". Please reword.
 * 117) **Reworded. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) * Context on G0-T0 upon first mention.
 * 119) **GO-TO is given context in the intro, but I added some context there anyway. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) ***Comment: The intro and the main body are two separate entities. A subject needs to be given context in both. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 121) * Please move the part about Revan erasing HK's memory to its chronological spot.
 * 122) **Moved. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 123) *** Still not good. This needs to be moved to the point where the erasing was actually performed by Revan, i.e. the ending of the "Back with Revan" section. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 124) ****Fixed? JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 125) * Darth Nihilus, a member of an organization of Dark Lords of the Sith, was tricked by Kreia into attacking the Jedi Academy there, thinking that he could sap the Jedis' Force energy when in reality the only Force-sensitive in the academy was its founder, Jedi Master Atris, the rest were Force-blind Echani Handmaidens. Again, run-on. Also, the plural form of Jedi is also "Jedi", not "Jedis".
 * 126) **Anons and their grammar...Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 127) * &hellip;freeing Bao-Dur's remote to activate the Mass Shadow Generator&hellip; Who's Bao-Dur? There is no mention of him prior to this part.
 * 128) **He is also mentioned in the intro but I added more context. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 129) ***See my comment above. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) * Sometime during the thousands of years between then and the Galactic Civil War, HK-47's artificial intelligence was transferred to a computer located in a Hammerhead-class cruiser. Explain that HK-47's chassis was also aboard the cruiser when it crashed, because the mention of the Separatists finding it later doesn't make much sense otherwise.
 * 131) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * "Retirement" on Mustafar: When the Separatist Confederacy of Independent Systems arrived on Mustafar during the on-going Clone Wars Choose either the "Separatists" or the "Confederacy of Independent Systems." Using both together feels kinda excessive.
 * 133) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) * Context on Darth Vader.
 * 135) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 136) * after Vader and the Imperial forces left Mustafar Again, what "Imperial" forces? There's no mention of any Empire.
 * 137) **Context added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) *** Darth Vader's actions brought an end to the Clone Wars and the Separatist movement and secured the security of the new Galactic Empire. Secured the security? :P QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 139) ****Wow, my bad. Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) * HK-47 instructed the spacers to invade the Kubaza Beetle Cavern and enable his AI to be transferred from the ship. How would the spacers invading the cavern help HK-47 transfer his AI? Was there some kind of switch in the cavern or what?
 * 141) **I'm not entirely sure what the process was since I never played Galaxies so I opted for a more general description which hopefully suffices. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 142) * Overall, the chronology of events in this section is quite confusing. What was the point of restoring the power to the facility? Did HK transfer his consciousness there as the facility's article claims? What did the six-digit code do? Please go through the section again and try to fix these.
 * 143) **I removed most of the irrelevant details to clear things up. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 144) * HK-47 informed them that, although he appreciated their help for returning him to his body, he would have to get the factory back up and running to get some payback from those who had taken it from him. Who had taken what? The body or the factory?
 * 145) **Whoever wrote this section in the beginning really didn't do a good job, but I've hopefully addressed all concerns. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 146) * Droid factory leads to a disambiguation page.
 * 147) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 148) * Also, I count five redlinks in the article. Take care of them (though I don't think we need an article for "gas").
 * 149) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 150) * Will continue with "Personality and traits" later. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:24, November 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) * For example, if asking a question, he would first say "Query:", before beginning a question such as, "Query: Who would you like killed today, master?." Feels too detailed. I believe the first part of the sentence is sufficient.
 * 152) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) * He was fluent in Galactic Basic Standard, Tusken, Binary, Jawa trade language, and boasted that he was fluent in over 6,000 forms of communication. "He was fluent" is repetitive
 * 154) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 155) * Could you state the dates of KotORs and SWG in the biography? It is always better to let the reader know when an event took place.
 * 156) **Good idea. The Mustafar section already had a date, so I just added them in the others. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:58, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 157) *Statement: That's all. Good work. Now fix all that's left, and I'll be happy to give my vote :) QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:05, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 158) ** All of the remaining objections stand. I've seen no changes made to satisfy them in the page history. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 13:37, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 159) **Sorry, I must have missed the save button or something, please take a look now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 160) Soresu makes a rare appearance on the FAN page
 * 161) * Just a random thing I noticed. You should make mention of his highly positive critical reception in KOTOR. I believe he won some awards for best character or something, too. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 07:04, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 162) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 163) Attack of the Clone
 * 164) * "During this period, HK-50 assassin droids, a newer version of HK that Revan had mass-produced, were found by G0-T0, the leader of the Exchange organization on the notorious Hutt-controlled moon Nar Shaddaa. G0-T0 was in truth a droid, and was forced to act in secrecy to preserve his identity, which led him to hire the HK-50s as bounty hunters, and the droids soon began traveling around the galaxy helping him achieve his goals." Is this much context really relevant to HK-47 himself? Remember, intros are only supposed to provide the reader with the most basic understanding of the subject possible.
 * 165) **Removed all but the relevant parts. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 166) * Could you please clarify the conflicts between the manufacturers in the infobox? The infobox should really only use what is fully verified, so if the actual manufacturer is unknown, then the infobox should reflect that.
 * 167) **I've switched it to unknown, but I would like to point out that Czerka is said to be the rumored manufacturer in the official Databank entry if that makes any difference. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 168) ***That still does not solve it. The infobox still needs to maintain an IU perspective, and "unknown" clarifies as OOU.  CC7567  (talk) 03:07, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 169) * The relevancy of nearly the entire first paragraph of the Biography is questionable. Please clarify why all of it is important and how it is directly relevant to HK-47.
 * 170) **I removed bits which weren't absolutely necessary but I feel the remaining content is important in clarifying why Revan chose to construct HK specifically after the battle at Malachor, and also explains why a Jedi would consider using an assassin. I understand your point about it relating to HK, but I feel the backdrop of his construction is an important part of his biography as well. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 171) ***I'm sorry, but my point of view still stands. I cannot honestly understand why throwaway bits of information, including why Malachor V was chosen as a battlefield, are directly relevant to HK-47. Furthermore, you mention the Mass Shadow Generator but don't even clarify if it was the instigator of the "destruction caused at Malachor" that you later state was the reasons behind Revan's construction of HK-47&mdash;for that reason, since you don't clarify why it's relevant, it isn't relevant. Please make this connection clearer or just shorten or scrap it all together; context isn't context when it's not clarified as context.  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 172) ****I've removed most of the irrelevant information so it hopefully works now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 173) * If you choose to keep it, Revan's "turn to the dark side" is extremely unclear in the first paragraph of the Biography.
 * 174) **Would you like me to go into more detail about their fall? That part isn't very relevent because that delves deep into content which isn't related to HK very much at all, mainly their encounter with the True Sith and the Sith Emperor. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 175) ***No, what you've added is fine. (And yes, you're right that adding any more information would be irrelevant.)  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 176) * "who claimed him as his spoils": please check this; it's not very clear.
 * 177) **Hopefully clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 178) ***Why is it "presumably"? If it wasn't directly clarified, speculation does not belong in this article.  CC7567  (talk) 06:12, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 179) ****Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 180) * "and began using him to elevate his rank by eliminating rivals": same as above.
 * 181) **Hopefully also clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:44, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 182) * "The Senator instead ordered HK-47 to kill the assistant, and the droid remained with his master, helping him eliminate his political enemies. The Senator was on the way to being elected as the Supreme Chancellor, but things did not go as they had been planned." This is unclear. Did the Senator want to eliminate his political rivals in order to be elected Chancellor? If so, this needs to be clarified, because it's irrelevant at the moment.
 * 183) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 184) * "Revan was once again trying to find the Star Forge and was looking for the Star Map located on Tatooine. Revan was once again searching for the Star Maps, this time on behalf of the Jedi Council, in order to locate and destroy the superweapon and save the Republic from defeat." Please smooth out the redundant wordings here.
 * 185) **Hopefully fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:34, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 186) * Please source that Fact tag.
 * 187) **How odd, I'm not sure why that was there. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 00:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 188) *I think that's enough for now. The two things I would recommend watching at this point are your level of context and your verb tense. For context, all that needs to be included in the article is what is directly relevant to HK-47 or is completely necessary to understand other parts of the article. For verb tense, future tense should only be used where necessary, as the shifts between past and future make the article confusing. I would recommend running through the entire article and try to fix these issues soon, preferably before I continue my review. I'll continue with "The Jedi Exile" once you have fixed these issues.  CC7567  (talk) 02:56, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 189) **Ok, I looked over the article and I think you can continue now. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 190) Galaxies
 * 191) * The article Star Wars Galaxies: Trials of Obi-Wan states that the droid can be destroyed. Is this true? Also, are there any other, alternative ways to the Mustafar quest, which should be noted in the BtS? And, should you add the links to the Trials of Obi-Wan? Kreivi Wolter 11:21, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 192) **Yes, as stated in the article, you do destroy HK-47, but he survives in another body and sends you the hologram. There is only one way to complete the Mustafar quest. There are already sufficient links to Trials of Obi-Wan in the Mustafar section of the article and in fact, we decided to remove some as they were overly specific and unnecessary. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 22:25, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 193) Attack II
 * 194) * "He was partially repaired by an unknown party." This should be ringing sirens in your head by now. Please fix or scrap this OOU perspective.
 * 195) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 196) * "although he did seem familiar with G0-T0, a droid crime lord who also joined the Jedi Exile": either he's familiar with him or he isn't, nothing in between.
 * 197) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 198) * "The Exile had left instructions to destroy Malachor V, which G0-T0 tried to prevent": this is very choppy and unclear. What exactly was G0-T0 trying to prevent?
 * 199) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 200) * "Sometime during the thousands of years between then and the Galactic Civil War": when is then?
 * 201) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 202) * "For unknown reasons": OOU perspective.
 * 203) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 204) * "the terminal in the Hammerhead-class cruiser contacted a group of spacers": so the "terminal" can contact people all on its own? Please clarify.
 * 205) **Clarified. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 206) * "Revan may have directly programmed such behavior when designing HK-47, although these tendencies may have simply been part of HK-47's protocol droid package." Speculation does not belong in IU articles. Please reword or nuke it.
 * 207) **Nuked. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 208) * "As HK-47's AI was taken to create the next generation of HK droids, this trait also carried over to the HK-50 models, though these later models would more often add adjectives to their speech conditionals such as "Veiled threat" or "Irritated statement", most likely to contribute toward their disguises as protocol droids." I'm not sure about you, but this appears both irrelevant and speculative to me; please clarify this.
 * 209) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 210) * Fix that Fact tag, please.
 * 211) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 01:23, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
 * 212) * "The origins of HK-47's name come from BioWare writer Drew Karpyshyn, who states on his website that the origin for the name of HK-47 is as follows: "My billiard team is the original source of the name for a popular character in the Knights of the Old Republic game. My team was made up of 4 players with the last name Harrison, and 1 player (me) with the name Karpyshyn. So with 4 H's and 1 K we were going to call ourselves the HK-41's. But we decided HK-47 sounded more intimidating because of the well known AK-47 rifle, so we became the HK-47's. Several years later, when I went to work for BioWare, I tacked the name onto the homicidal Hunter-Killer robot assassin who joined the player on his quest."" If you're going to quote something, please do it properly and place it where it should go; however, I'm sure that you can find a better way of reiterating the origins of his name rather than just simply copying it directly from the guy's website.
 * 213) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 214) * "It is unknown if it was intended that HK-47 would perish with Malachor V, but given his resurgence in the Rebellion era, no ending in which he did can be considered canon-compatible. Same issue with speculation that I've reiterated twice before. Not even cut scenes should have it.
 * 215) **Removed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:27, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 216) *I will be going through this article once more with you after all of these have been fixed. Please dedicate as much time as possible to therefore ensure that the article is at its best quality and complies with all of Wookieepedia's policies.  CC7567  (talk) 03:07, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 217) Clone Attack III
 * 218) * Please remember that there's another objection remaining somewhere above from one of my earlier reviews.
 * 219) **As to the objection about the manufacturers, I must admit I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to properly fix the problem. Could you please explain how I should deal with it? JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 220) ***You can simply remove the "Unknown" and end the problem. If the Manufacturer field isn't field, the reader automatically assumes that it isn't known, but this way you let the reader make that assumption instead of doing so yourself.  CC7567  (talk) 02:39, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 221) ****Gotcha, thanks. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 222) * "HK-47 also aided the Exile in her search for the surviving Jedi Masters": can more context be given for what, specifically, the Jedi Masters "survived"?
 * 223) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 224) * Can this "political assassin" role be better worded? If Revan had him assassinate political individuals, then it should be stated as such.
 * 225) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 226) * "Revan did, in fact, use Czerka's HK-24 design as a basis for his model and included several of his own upgrades." As this fact has much more relevance earlier on&mdash;say, at the beginning of the Bio&mdash;can it be placed as such?
 * 227) **Moved. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 228) * Context on the Star Forge in the Bio, please.
 * 229) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 230) * Can a link be placed somewhere for Malak's betrayal? I'm sure that there's an article for the battle that exists here.
 * 231) **A link to the Capture of Darth Revan is already present in the article, but if you would like me to link it elsewhere as well, feel free to ask. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 232) ***No, that's fine; I just didn't see it.  CC7567  (talk) 02:39, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 233) * "As a sign of appreciation, the chieftain gave Revan his personal gaffi stick as a sign of gratitude": please pick either the appreciation or gratitude; the redundancy is rather unnecessary.
 * 234) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 235) * "Revan later encountered Malak for the first time since his former Sith apprentice had betrayed him. This meeting proved to be the stimulus necessary for Revan to remember the truth about his own history." Any links to events that can be implemented here?
 * 236) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 02:27, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 237) * "HK-47 remained with Revan until the end of the former Dark Lord's journey, following him to the Star Forge and aiding in the destruction of the superweapon as well as the defeat of Darth Malak." Same as above.
 * 238) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 239) *"Somehow during the intervening time": can this be reworded at all? It's not very clear.
 * 240) * Context on the Jedi Exile in the Bio.
 * 241) **Added. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 242) * In keeping with many of the current FAs, can "Characteristics" and "Abilities" be used instead of the P&T and S&A, which are more centered around organic characters themselves?  CC7567  (talk) 23:05, February 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 243) **Done. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:37, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 244) * If the First Jedi Purge is a conjecturally titled article, then it cannot be used as a canon name in the article. Please clarify.  CC7567  (talk) 23:57, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 245) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:54, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) **Fixed. JethLordMaster Ying yang copy.jpg (Xia Order) 23:54, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Is there a succession box for "owners of HK-47"? I think there were at least 7 and it would be useful to have. This isn't an objection but could you look into it? Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * Not objection-worthy, but aren't there any other pictures of HK? 'Cause right now there are only images of him standing still, and I would like to see him shooting stuff :P QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * You might want to mention in the BTS that he is mentioned in the CSWE. His entry is listed as "HK-47 droid".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:37, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

Droma

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 03:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I do have a few questions that I hope you can help me out with:
 * Biography: Since it falls entirely within the sub-heading "Yuuzhan Vong War", should I just jettison said sub-heading entirely?
 * Sourcing: The thread at the JC forums with Kathy Tyers that I've sourced thrice appears as three separate sources. I do not know how to make it into one with a 10.0, 10.1, and a 10.2. Is it possible to do this with external links?
 * Scratch that, it's actually three different pages within the thread that are being linked to.
 * Powers and abilities: I didn't think it was necessary to add this section, as I have covered his talents within "Personality and traits". Let me know if I should split p & t up and include a p & a section.
 * Voice only: I included this next to The Final Prophecy in the appearances section, but I'm not sure if it's the proper disclaimer to use when a character only appears via comlink.
 * quotes: Is the article OK without any quotes? I have the one at the beginning, and I think that the article works better without any more. Let me know if you want me to add any.
 * Thanks so much! Now, have at me.

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 02:34, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:38, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 07:58, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Very nice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:25, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Good work. Cylka  -talk- 20:51, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) The Jedi Council takes a quick glance:
 * 2) * Everything in the infobox needs to be referenced.
 * 3) * The "fate unknown" stuff at the end of the bio is a big no-no and needs to go.
 * 4) * As far as your first point above regarding the headings, yes, I would suggest eliminating the Yuuzhan Vong War heading.
 * 5) *I may give it a full review later. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:46, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Thanks so much for the advice. I have addressed all three points. Menkooroo 16:52, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***I apologize for butting in, but I feel I should let you know that you should never strike another person's objections. That person will strike their own objections when they feel that they have been adequately addressed. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 17:16, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) ****Ah, wasn't aware. Thanks. Menkooroo 21:07, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) *****I've struck them now. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:14, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Xicer
 * 11) * In the intro, context is needed for Han Solo. Also, who was attacking the Jubilee Wheel with the dread weapon?
 * 12) * First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) and Battle of Esfandia should be linked somewhere in the intro.
 * 13) * Context needed on Jubilee Wheel.
 * 14) * Context needed on the Yuuzhan Vong.
 * 15) * "He was part of a Caravan of Ryn ships heading from the Corporate Sector to the Plooriod Cluster when the Yuuzhan Vong entered the Ottega system and attacked Ithor. The Ryn were scattered, and Droma and several others ended up refugees aboard the Jubilee Wheel." Battle of Ithor (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked somewhere in here. Also, how were the Ryn scattered?
 * 16) * Context needed for Han in the body as well.
 * 17) * Context needed on the Peace Brigade.
 * 18) * Why did Droma want to go to Ralltiir?
 * 19) * Context needed on the Millennium Falcon.
 * 20) * Context needed on SELCORE.
 * 21) * First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked in the proper section in the body.
 * 22) * You seem to use "Ryn Network" and "Ryn network" interchangeably. Please choose one or the other.
 * 23) *Other than that, pretty good. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks so much for the thorough critique! I believe I've addressed everything there. Let me know if Han Solo needs any more context --- I think I have enough without going into detail of his and Roa's initial plan, but I don't think that that initial plan is relevant to Droma. With that said, you were right in that I didn't really have any context at all, so I've added a bit into both the intro and the body. And sorry about the redirects, too. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***I'd like to see it mentioned who exactly Han Solo is. Same goes for the Vong, at least mention that they're a group of extragalactic aliens. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 00:33, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Done. The Vong are referred to as an extragalactic race of religious zealots (a term taken right from their own article) in the body. In the intro, I've called Han "the famous pilot and ex-smuggler", and in the body, "the famous pilot and hero of the Rebellion". Menkooroo 02:20, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Why do you not have quotes? Do you just dislike them? I'm going to have to insist that you add one in for every subsection. It's unofficial policy, basically, and IMO, makes the article look better.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *Quotes have been added to every subsection of "Biography", "Personality and traits", and "Behind the scenes". Menkooroo 00:41, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Attack of the Clone
 * 30) *Please note that Ref tags are always used for infobox references to standardize the sizes. I've fixed this for you, but please keep it in mind for all future articles.
 * 31) *While some of these objections I would normally just fix myself to avoid taking up time under the unofficial clause, I feel that you would better learn from them by fixing them yourself. Some objections may just be notes that I feel you would benefit from, but they are still important to keep in mind.
 * 32) **I actually really appreciate this. I've learned a lot since writing this back in August, but admittedly, I've still a ways to go.
 * 33) * "Solo had been aboard with his friend Roa, who had been swallowed by the dread weapon; the unfortunate incident led to Solo becoming an unlikely ally of Droma in the ensuing chaos." Borderlines WP:NPOV here; also, please check the amount of detail in here with its location in the intro. Introductions should only contain what is absolutely necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the article's subject. That doesn't mean that the intro should only be a few sentences, but I'd recommend running a quick check yourself to make sure that the intro complies with these terms.
 * 34) **Jettisoned the sentence entirely. I think it looks much better now. Check it out.
 * 35) * Please get his species and gender in the body; it's info exclusive to the intro and infobox otherwise, which doesn't make much sense.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * For the image captioning issue (which I'm unsure if you're clear on): yes, this CT is a policy, and quoting directly from it: "punctuation of image captions is to be determined by whether a complete sentence is used." Please clarify your lack of caption punctuation in the article.
 * 38) **I think I finally understand this policy now. :^) Please check it out.
 * 39) * Please see if you can get the context in sentences such as "An injured Showolter bid Solo to hide Elan and Vergere, defectors from the Yuuzhan Vong. Showolter had been attacked by Vong agents whom he believed to be searching for them." into one sentence instead of creating another sentence for the context. As long as the merging doesn't create run-ons, it's better to avoid dropping details that borderline the level of relevance to the article's subject when not directly linked back to Droma himself.
 * 40) **Merged into one sentence. Thanks for the tip; I went through and did the same in a few other instances in the rest of the article.
 * 41) * "Droma was surprised to hear Solo's real name, but would claim that he likely hadn't heard of him before." Check your tense here, as it makes the chronology of events uncertain.
 * 42) **Take a look at it now.
 * 43) * "announcements were made over the ship's loudspeakers that the bridge was being assaulted by unknown raiders": even if it comes from IU sources, we generally tend to avoid using "unknown"s as much as possible so as to maintain an IU perspective; just because we don't know what the "unknown" is doesn't mean that IU characters don't know it, which is what it otherwise implies.
 * 44) **Sentence changed.
 * 45) * "Hoping to get rid of Solo, he bid him step into a drop shaft, which Solo survived by grabbing hold of Droma's tail." Coming out of a previous sentence with multiple masculine characters, who is "he" supposed to be referring to?
 * 46) **Sentence changed.
 * 47) * "However, in the midst of a battle, they found the shuttle drifting dead in space." Which "shuttle" are you referring to?
 * 48) **Sentence changed.
 * 49) * Who's the Fosh? I would recommend trying to leave species out as an option for alternate pronouns, as it often gets confusing. If you need to, you can simply use "Vergere" twice here; it's not entirely bad to use the same word twice in quick succession.
 * 50) **Sentence changed.
 * 51) *I'll stop here for now and give you the opportunity to check for and fix these issues in the rest of the article before I continue. Some other things that you should look for are underlinking and linking to redirects, both of which I've been fixing as I go but have noticed to be a slight issue.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) **Thanks so much for the thorough review. I've gone through the rest of the article as well and made some changes based on your suggestions, and as far as I know, there isn't any underlinking or redirecting. Let me know if I'm mistaken. Menkooroo 07:09, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) * "However, a power converter damaged in the firefight meant that they didn't have enough power to make it to Nar Shaddaa." If you can reword this without using "meant" and treating it almost like a definition of sorts, please do so.
 * 54) **Changed "meant" to "ensured".
 * 55) ***Now it sounds like the damage was intentionally inflicted. Changing it to something like "However, a power converter that had been damaged in the firefight left the ship without enough power to get to Nar Shaddaa" might work better here.  CC7567  (talk) 19:37, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) ****Done.
 * 57) * "using passcodes from Solo's smuggling days that Droma claimed they had received from Shug Ninx on Nar Shaddaa": please check this; the subjects and verbs aren't really matching up here.
 * 58) **Reworded the series of sentences entirely. Take a look; I like it better now.
 * 59) * Please check your usage of "taken up" and clarify it; it doesn't appear to be a common idiom. Please also check your wording "pulled a blaster on Bow"; it's both colloquial and unclear.
 * 60) **Changed "taken up" to "joined", and "pulled" to "drew"
 * 61) *I'd recommend to continue to watch your linking; if you're in doubt if a subject has an article here, it's very easy to check for it. I'll continue with "Duro" as soon as I can, although the next few weeks are going to be a bit unkind to me.  CC7567  (talk) 06:35, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) **I read through the entire article, and added the following links: orbit, star cluster, warrior caste, entry ramp, realspace, species, cockpit, suicide, insect, capital, technician, slavery, First Mate, mercenary, weather control, transponder code, Duros High House, cantina, Jedi Knight, Esfandia Long-Range Communications Base, deflector shield, orbital bombardment, death, telekinesis, spacer, language, chitin, August. I also fixed two redirects that had gotten by me before. Menkooroo 13:00, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) * Which "Plooriod Cluster" are you referring to? There are two in the disambig article that you linked to.
 * 64) **Thanks for the notice. I checked his NEGTC entry, and it's the Lesser. Link corrected. Menkooroo 05:12, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) * "Droma and Jacen were aiding Solo in his efforts": check your tense here; it makes it sound like they joined Han at the same time instead of detailing Droma's "entrance" into contributing to the Solos' efforts.
 * 66) **Check it out now.
 * 67) ***"and Droma had later joined the Solos in their efforts": the tense is still flimsy here; you jump from saying that Droma "joined Solo and his son" to saying that he "later joined" them. Perhaps "was joining" in the second sentence might be better.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Still remains; not sure if you've seen this objection or not.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) *****Wow, I totally missed this one. I've changed it to "was aiding". Menkooroo 07:59, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) * "only to discover that it had been overrun by Fefze beetles": please clarify what "it" is supposed to refer to.
 * 71) **Changed "it" to "the settlement".
 * 72) * Context on Pride of Selonia, as well as which "Pride of Selonia" you're referring to.
 * 73) **Contextified, and redirect fixed. I didn't realize there were two.
 * 74) * "Solo was summoned by Droma while playing a game of sabacc at the Thorny Toe, and was interrogated by the Ryn, who remained hidden and spoke to Solo over speakers, not revealing his identity. A frustrated Solo prepared to leave Onadax, only to find Droma banging on the side of the Falcon and demanding to be let in. Surprised, Solo let his friend onboard before departing the planet." Could you try to rewrite this from Droma's perspective? It seems a little disoriented right now.
 * 75) **I think it's bettah now. Let me know what you think.
 * 76) * "Aboard the Falcon, Droma told Han, Leia, and Jedi Knight Jaina Solo that he had applied to be a part of the Ryn Network but had been rejected." "He" who? Please clarify this.
 * 77) **Changed the sentences around.
 * 78) * "Solo pledged them": who's them?
 * 79) **Clarified!
 * 80) * "it soon became apparent to the Falcon crew that they couldn't go anywhere": please rephrase to make the subject and pronouns match up better.
 * 81) **I think it's better now...
 * 82) * "Eniknar would later assuage any suspicions by sacrificing her life": please clarify how this is relevant and phrase it more clearly.
 * 83) **It probably wasn't relevant. I jettisoned it.
 * 84) * What are these "Tsik-Serus" of which you speak?
 * 85) **Changed it to "armed vehicles", but kept it linked to Tsik-Seru.
 * 86) * Please be consistent with your inconsistent usage of both "co-pilot" and "copilot."
 * 87) **I've settled on co-pilot.
 * 88) * "but later informed Solo of Droma's true role in the organization": how is this directly relevant to Droma at its current placement?
 * 89) **You're right. Removed some info and switched around the order of some sentences. Take a look.
 * 90) * "A short time later, while on Mon Calamari, Solo was commed by a member of the Ryn Network whom he believed to be Droma. The Ryn warned him of small, unpiloted drones that the Yuuzhan Vong had been developing. Although he didn't know what their function was, he did know that the Vong were excited about them, and suspected that they were dangerous. Before Solo could glean any more information, he found his comm unit dead." How is this relevant to Droma if it's not confirmed to be him? If it's unverified, the possible appearance should be outlined in the Bts, not the canon Bio.
 * 91) **I'm actually going to disagree with you there. The text of The Final Prophecy sees Solo recognize Droma's voice, and ask "Droma, is that you?" Although he doesn't get a straight answer, I believe the text directly refers to the speaker as "Droma" at least once. Unless there's a precedent on Wookieepedia for a situation like this that you can point me toward, I feel like this info should be in the bio. I see it as analogous to Anakin's possible Force-ghost in Traitor --- unconfirmed to be him, but it should still be in the bio. In fact, it was in the bio when Anakin's article was an FA.
 * 92) ***To be honest, an article's previous stint as an FA is no guarantee that it's now considered perfect or in compliance with all current policies&mdash;as Skywalker isn't an FA anymore, even less so. FA standards here have changed a lot since then. The book's exact wording really needs to be verified and the article adjusted, because the speculative wording remains in the Bio and leaves room for misinterpretation while the Appearances section still list it as a possible appearance. If it's a confirmed appearance and is detailed in the Bio, the Pos doesn't belong there, and vice versa if it's unconfirmed. If he's not directly verified to have appeared, I'm sorry, but speculation still does not belong in the canon section of articles and least of all in FA candidates.  CC7567  (talk) 05:25, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) ****Totally see what you're saying. Truthfully, I was the one who changed TFP to a "possible appearance", which was early in my project and before I had actually looked through the book... prior to that, it was listed as a definite appearance --- similarly, the article on TFP lists Droma as definitely appearing in it. If I jettisoned the "Possible Appearance", and removed speculative wording from the bio, what would you say? I know that FA Standards have changed a lot, but if Anakin were to be re-FA'd, I really feel like the Traitor bit would still be in the bio. But eh, that's just adding more speculation into the pot. :^P Menkooroo 05:33, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) *****While yes, the speculation still needs to be ousted, I'm not sure what you're interpreting from the text versus what is confirmed, as you currently sound like you don't have access to the book and haven't read it in a while. Without the book myself, I can't verify what the exact wording is, so I'm currently going off of your word on what the book says&mdash;as long as you can obtain that yourself. As I want you to be certain that the article no longer contains speculation, please check the book yourself (or ask someone who has it) to determine the facts and then clarify what's speculation and what isn't; from my own experience, neither memory nor others' interpretations in other articles are completely reliable. Only once you're certain of the facts and once the article has been adjusted accordingly can this matter be resolved.  CC7567  (talk) 06:44, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ******Yup, that's what I was planning to do --- check with someone who does have access to the book. Will report back. Menkooroo 07:15, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ******Yo! I checked with two different people, and I have confirmation that the text explicitly refers to the speaker as Droma. "Droma said" is specifically used. I've reworded the paragraph in question accordingly. Thanks again for all of your editing, and if you find anything else, definitely let me know. Cheers! Menkooroo 07:22, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) *******The perspective shift is still inappropriate here; please try to rewrite it as much as possible from Droma's point of view.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) ********You're right. Changed up. Menkooroo 04:45, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) * "Perhaps owing to his species' nomadic nature": please clarify the speculative wording.
 * 100) **Took it out entirely.
 * 101) * "It was Droma's partnership and empathy that helped Solo realize he couldn't run away from his loved ones or from his loss." Can you link this better to Droma himself? It sounds like it would belong in Solo's P&T otherwise.
 * 102) **Capping off a paragraph that focuses on Droma's relationship with Solo, I don't see how it doesn't fit --- it seems like it could be in either one of their P&t sections.
 * 103) * Please clarify the relevancy of the speculation on his namesake.
 * 104) **Well, I've done that by mentioning that Luceno based the Ryn off of Earth's Romany people. Unless you're talking about the Irish-Gaelic words --- if those are extraneous, I'll gladly remove them. I will, though, point to a precedent of an FA with speculation on name origins.
 * 105) **Unless you're wondering how "Droma" can come from "Drom"... I can link to the Droma Gypsy music festival, which derives its name from its venue, a bar called "Drom", if you want.
 * 106) ***Bypassing Jaina Solo (whose FA status is not really the most stable right now), I still don't believe that speculation in any form is appropriate to the article. Articles aren't for linking something to every single possible connection; that goes against only dealing with canon and confirmed facts&mdash;the latter of which is what Wookieepedia is for.  CC7567  (talk) 04:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) ****Oh, I totally agree about Jaina's FA status. I've jettisoned the Irish-Gaelic stuff, and, with a bit more research, edited the Romany bit to be speculation-free. Even if it's not 100% confirmed that Droma was named for the Romany word "Droma", I'd say it's still a curious enough coincidence to warrant a mention. And besides, I've worded it so that only facts are presented. :^D
 * 108) *Other than that, that's all I have for now. I'll try to go through the article once more with you once you've fixed these, but a very good job for a first nomination nonetheless.  CC7567  (talk) 01:47, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) **Thanks so much for the thorough review and the kind words. And for the copyedits, too, although admittedly, some of what you changed seemed to be based on personal style rather than article quality. Much appreciated nonetheless. Menkooroo 05:11, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) * "Solo and Droma took the controls, leaving the station and entering a battlefield": where? How exactly did they get there? How close was it to the Wheel? Please give more context here if possible.
 * 111) * Why would the Erinnic chase off the Yuuzhan Vong weapon? (What were its allegiances?)
 * 112) * "with Solo stating that he did not hope to see the Ryn any time soon": specifically why?
 * 113) * Why was he traveling to Vortex?
 * 114) **It's the only place he can go with the meager amount of credits he has --- I've changed it to "with only enough credits to secure his passage as far as Vortex." Menkooroo 04:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) *Please note that the "Vong" abbreviation of "Yuuzhan Vong" isn't always factually correct. I've changed all I've found, but please make sure that all mentions are consistent for clarity.
 * 116) * "Desh realized who Elan and Vergere were before taking them into custody": "who" were they, then?
 * 117) * "However, in the midst of a battle": what battle? How did they get there?
 * 118) * "Droma took the controls again, but abandoned his post on a hunch and entered the rear hold, saving Solo's life in the process. Elan, actually a Yuuzhan Vong agent who had been assigned to poison and wipe out Luke Skywalker's Jedi Order, had battled Solo and committed suicide by swallowing her bo'tous poison, causing Solo to breathe some in. By opening the door to the rear hold, Droma gave Solo fresh air to breathe." The jumps in chronology make this a bit confusing; please try to make this smoother so that you don't have to shift back this much to give proper context of the situation.
 * 119) * Like the Erinnic, what are the Thurse allegiances? Why would it repel the YV warship? The context doesn't have to be extensive here but should be enough to avoid making it seem like ships just pop out of nowhere into the article's writing.
 * 120) *Right now, I think the main issue with the article is a slight lack of context; the events in the writing shift numerous times without enough clarity. Please fix these and look for these problems in the rest of the article before I continue with "Co-pilot of the Falcon" once more.  CC7567  (talk) 19:07, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **This whole FA thing is harder than I thought. :^D Thanks again for dedicating so much time and critique to this project. I believe I've addressed everything above. I've also searched for missing context and corrected it throughout the rest of the article; I'll hopefully now know how to better write FAN's in the future, and save Inquisitors time accordingly. Menkooroo 04:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * "As they prepared to depart the latter world for Sriluur": is it known why they were going to Sriluur?
 * 123) **Nah, the text doesn't say. They're probably following some clues, but it doesn't say for sure.
 * 124) * "Droma was forced into labor at a product enhancement facility, but was soon rescued by Solo, who was executing a plan hatched by Baffle." What was Baffle's plan? Is it even relevant?
 * 125) **It's relevant 'cause the text later mentions that Solo is doing a favor for Baffle as part of the plan. The plan involves rescuing Droma and reactivating the droids, both of which are explained as they happen later in the paragraph --- I think it's better that way, rather than mentioning those facts before they happen.
 * 126) ***I understand why the favor is relevant but do not understand why the plan is; Baffle helped Solo because of the favor he did him, not the plan that he executed. The article right now does not give any indication of what the plan was other than Solo's rescue of Droma, and even that is not directly verified. You can still say that Solo did Baffle a favor and Baffle in turn helped him and Droma without mentioning the plan.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 127) ****Mention of the plan jettisoned.
 * 128) * "Solo later told his wife that he figured he and Droma were about even, and asked her to locate a planet for the refugees where the Ryn wouldn't be treated like riffraff." How is this relevant to Droma? Please try to reword this.
 * 129) * "Although Solo was the official administrator, he admitted that Droma, along with the Ryn Mezza and Romany, had thought through most of the administration." Can this be reworded to better focus on Droma's own actions?
 * 130) * "Realizing that they were attracted to sources of light, Droma told Jacen to throw his lightsaber at the swarm. The two then left the settlement and returned to Gateway." Well, did Droma's idea work? The storyline doesn't seem to match up very well.
 * 131) * "Solo then boarded the Millenium Falcon and escorted the hauler, flown by Droma, through a raging space battle above the planet and to a jump point outside of Duros's orbit." Again, please rewrite this to focus more on Droma himself.
 * 132) * "He told the Solos that he had applied to be a part of the Ryn Network but had been rejected." Was he telling the truth or lying when he said so? Clarifying this might help make his exploits here clearer.
 * 133) * Did the Falcon land at all on Esfandia during its role in the battle there? It's a little unclear how Droma and the Solos appear to land and go with the Brrbrlpp, but it's never clarified.
 * 134) * "Ashpidar gave Droma and Leia a tour of the base, indicating that she believed a traitor to be in their midst." Did Ashpidar's tour itself "indicate" her suspicions of a traitor or did she indicate them during the tour? The current wording implies the former.
 * 135) * "but managed to bring an unconscious Jaina on Fel's speeder back to safety while Fel and Veila remained behind to cover his back": how did Jaina become unconscious? The context here shouldn't deter the flow of the writing but should be enough to help the reader understand the plot better.
 * 136) * Context on Chewbacca. Why did Solo have to overcome his loss of him?
 * 137) *Despite all of these little things that I've given you, the article nevertheless is very well-written and an admirable accomplishment for one's first FAN. Keep up the good work. On a different note, as I'm not that familiar with the source material, I'd recommend that you request someone more familiar with the NJO series to look at this as well to make sure that all the necessary detail is there. A possibility is, another Inq who is also very dedicated to the series; he can help you make sure that the article is clear as it can be with all the relevant info necessary. While I'm not sure what his current availability is on the Wook, it's worth inquiring to see if he can help you.  CC7567  (talk) 05:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) **Thanks for the kind words. I've addressed everything above; let me know if any of it could still be improved. Menkooroo 08:04, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 139) * "Droma believed that everyone lived for love, and would eat almost anything if it had the right spices." I don't see how this belief and this habit are at all related; linking the two seems ineffective at this point. Please try to reword.  CC7567  (talk) 20:57, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 140) **Found a batter place for it! One paragraph up after a previous eating-related comment. Menkooroo 22:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 141) Cylka:
 * 142) * and the two pulled off the risky maneuver, although the Ryn had to snag Solo's body with his tail in the process. - Could you give this statement a bit more context? It just seems to be tacked onto the end of the sentence.
 * 143) **You're right, it does look kind of tacked on. I changed around the chronology completely; let me know what ya think.
 * 144) * lush world of green and purple forests - Is there any more information about this world such as it was unnamed, unexplored or unknown, etc.?
 * 145) **Unfortunately, no. I was pretty confused by the lack of info given in the narrative, too, but that's all that Luceno had to say about it.
 * 146) * The move caused Droma grievous pain, but Solo insisted that he wouldn't forget that the Ryn had just been saved. - Or should it read that the Ryn had just saved him?
 * 147) **Yeah, it should. Not sure how that happened. Thanks for the "snag".
 * 148) * thought through most of the administration - This sounds a little off to me. Maybe you could change it to "handled most of the administration work," or "resolved most of the administration issues," or something to that effect.
 * 149) **Changed to "handled most of the administrative work".
 * 150) * There were some minor POV issues that I changed, but please go through the article to see if I missed any.
 * 151) **No, you did great. Thanks for that.
 * 152) * I noticed that there were a few links missing and added them when necessary, but please check through the article again.
 * 153) **Thanks for that! I didn't even suspect "prisoner" or "meter". A few of what you added were already linked to, though --- C-3PO, droid, and Vortex were all mentioned and linked to previously. But thanks again for the copy-edit. I also changed "one hundred" back to "100", just 'cause it's a little-known fact that it's only proper to write out the word of a number if it's between zero and ninety-nine.
 * 154) ***Whoops! Goes to show why multiple copy-edits will hopefully catch everything :P
 * 155) *Nicely written article. Cylka  -talk- 10:31, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 156) **Thanks for the review! I'm off on vacation for a week tomorrow, so if there are any outstanding issues, I won't be able to get to them until next Monday or Tuesday. Cheers! Menkooroo 08:28, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Just for future reference, "X-wing" is always spelled with a lowercase "w". Also, when linking please try to minimize the use of redirects. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * As for the "Powers and abilities" section, it is only used with Force-sensitive character articles. With all other characters, "Skills and abilities" is used instead, but general practice allows to cover the character's talents in "Personality and traits" too. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 21:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * Awesome, thanks! Let me know if there are any problems with the Personality and traits section. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
 * This isn't an objection so I didn't want to place it under my review, but I was wondering if any images of Ryn in his cap could be found since it is stated that he favored wearing it. Cylka  -talk- 10:31, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nope, such an image doesn't exist. The seven of him used in the article are the only seven of him that exist. Menkooroo 08:28, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

Gav Daragon

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:08, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: None really.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 23:09, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:04, January 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:27, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:16, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Nayayen
 * 2) * There are various battles that should be linked in the intro.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * I don't believe that the amulets actually glowed, just "tingled".
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * You must mention that Jori was taken to the decoy fortress.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * I personally think that replacing File:Naga Sadow NEGTC.jpg with one of him mentoring Gav would be more appropriate.
 * 9) **I have some problems regarding that. I'll get on it soon.
 * 10) ***I'm much more ambivalent about the ones in the next objection but I really don't think that this one supports/is overly relevant to the text. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 14:10, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Finally addressed.
 * 12) * Same as above for the Atlas and meditation sphere images. With the latter, I think it would be more relevant to have an image from Dogs.
 * 13) **Same response as above.
 * 14) ***Addressed.
 * 15) * "Withdrawing to his meditation sphere, Sadow informed Daragon that he would be leading the main fleet." It isn't clear who "he" is here.
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * The "crawl" in End of an Empire states that Sadow "triggered a secret weapon" to cause the supernova, not the Force.
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) *Mostly minor things here that don't dull a good read. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 23:37, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) Blacklist:
 * 21) * In the intro you say that the Daragons hyperspace jumped into the Unknown Regions and arrived in the Sith Empire; as far as I know, Korriban is in the Outer Rim Territories.
 * 22) **At that time period that area was in the Unknown Regions, as the area was unexplored. The Unknown Regions is not a fixed region in the galaxy, it is the parts of the galaxy that have not been mapped at that time.
 * 23) *** Then you might want to make mention of that in the BtS or something, because when someone who is unfamiliar with the subject matter reads "Unknown Regions," they tend to associate that with where the Yuuzhan Vong are from. I would prefer if you just said "Outer Rim" instead of "Unknown Regions," but it's up to you.
 * 24) ****I don't really feel it necessary to explain this in the BtS; this article is about Gav, not Korriban. Also, I would prefer to say the Unknown Regions since it was the Unknown Regions at the time.
 * 25) ***** You have to change it. The comic only says "into the unknown..." meaning unknown to the Daragons. It never specifically states that they went to the "Unknown Regions," but simply an uncharted area of space. We know the actual "Unknown Regions," no matter what era, to be where the Yuuzhan Vong came from. Claiming that the Daragons went into the actual "Unknown Regions" is wrong, and this will not pass FAN until the error is corrected and the factual information is added.
 * 26) ******Fine. Replaced with "an uncharted area of space".
 * 27) * The last sentence of the first paragraph of the intro and the first sentence of the second paragraph of the intro both begin with "although."
 * 28) **Addressed.
 * 29) * "As a shocked Gav stood over Aarrba's body, he was confronted by Jori, who blamed him for Aarrba's death. Overwhelmed by emotion, Daragon fled from his sister, and returned to his flagship. No longer loyal to Naga Sadow, and feeling that he needed to put a stop to the violence, Daragon went to Primus Goluud where Sadow was cloistered in his Sith Meditation Sphere, conjuring illusions for the war effort." Some brief context on why Gav was no longer loyal to Naga Sadow.
 * 30) * You mention early in the bio that Gav was first trained by the Jedi but you never mention this in the intro.
 * 31) * Further on that point, why did he neglect to fully join the Order?
 * 32) **He never really explains.
 * 33) * At several points in the article you make mention of "Tetans." This term did not come into use until the system was renamed after the warrior Empress, so you'll need to reword each instance in which "Tetan" appears.
 * 34) * "Together, the two Jedi used an exotic Force power known as battle meditation, which could strengthen the morale and resolve of the Tetan soldiers and heighten the fears and doubts of the Kirrek rebels. The battle meditation turned out to be an enormous success, and the Tetan forces were able to drive back the rebels." You use battle meditation too close in two consecutive sentences. Please reword.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * "However, they were interrupted by the same two men that Gav had encountered earlier; this time, the men revealed their allegiance to Ssk Kahorr and attacked. Gav and Jori attempted to escape, and were pursued through the streets on Cinnagar, before being cornered in a dead-end alley. However, the two were saved by Memit Nadill and Odan-Urr, who happened to be passing through the area." However is used too close in these three sentences, and reads a little unwieldy. Please reword.
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * The latter part of the first paragraph in The Sith Empire section needs to be reworked to read more from Gav's POV. There are far to many "theys," making the article seem like it's about both of the Daragon kids.
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) * Again, the third paragraph of the same section reads like it is from a combined biography of Gav and Jori Daragon. Please rectify this.
 * 41) **Addressed.
 * 42) * "Arriving after the attack had taken place, Ludo Kressh found Sadow's emblem at the scene, infuriating him. Angered by Sadow's treachery, Kressh gathered two of his allies, Horak-mul and Dor Gal-ram, to attack Sadow's citadel on Khar Delba. What would ensue was the pivotal Battle of Khar Delba." This needs to be shortened considerably, or at least made more relevant to the subject in question, since it goes quite far off the beaten path of Gav Daragon's bio.
 * 43) **Addressed.
 * 44) *** "Angered by Sadow's treachery, Kressh gathered two of his allies, Horak-mul and Dor Gal-ram, and launched an Battle of Khar Delba on Sadow." Huh?
 * 45) ****Whoops. Forgot to add the |attack]] Fixed.
 * 46) * "Meanwhile, in the battle, Sadow ordered a secret fleet in orbit around Khar Shian to attack Kressh's forces, decimating them. In addition to this, Sadow ordered the crew of Horak-mul and Dor Gal-ram's ships, in reality double agents, to attack and kill their masters. Finding himself with only one ship remaining, Ludo Kressh retreated and fled. The Battle of Khar Delba had been won." Same issue as the previous objection.
 * 47) **Addressed.
 * 48) * I don't know where, but you need to state somewhere that Sadow became Dark Lord of the Sith. I was able to incorporate it in the intro, but you'll have to figure out where in Gav's bio it should go.
 * 49) **Addressed.
 * 50) * "Sadow and Daragon promptly received a message from Kressh, proclaiming that Sadow was a traitor. After receiving this message, Daragon was ordered to activate the automated systems that would jam the transmission." "Received" and "message" are used too close to each other in two consecutive sentences.
 * 51) **Addressed.
 * 52) * Gav learned more than just the ways of the dark side; he was taught Sith magic. You make no mention of this anywhere other than in a quote or two and an image caption.
 * 53) **Addressed.
 * 54) * The infobox says Gav's eyes are blue but the main image shows Gav with brown eyes. You might want to explain this discrepancy in the BtS.
 * 55) **I already had.
 * 56) *** I overlooked that, my fault. The statement needs to be sourced though.
 * 57) ****Sourced.
 * 58) * These should keep you busy for a while. I'm sure there will be a few more after that. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 23:45, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * The first three sentences in the second paragraph of The Great Hyperspace War section begin with "Daragon." The whole paragraph is overloaded with "Daragons," and really needs to switched up a whole lot.
 * 60) **Addressed.
 * 61) * The same problem plagues the first paragraph of the Death section.
 * 62) **Addressed.
 * 63) * The first paragraph of the Legacy section really has nothing to do with Gav, except for the last sentence. I would suggesting removing all that filler and incorporating that last sentence into the next paragraph.
 * 64) **Addressed.
 * 65) * "&hellip;which led him to willingly serve Naga Sadow to help him give her a better life." Who is the one giving "her" a better life? Please specify.
 * 66) **Addressed.
 * 67) The Grand Master
 * 68) * Underlinking in the intro and (to a lesser extent) the body.
 * 69) **Addressed.
 * 70) * Mentioning "luck" or saying "luckily" is too POV.
 * 71) **Addressed.
 * 72) ***"Soon afterward, their luck seemingly changed for the better&hellip;" More "luck" here, also, why the speculation? Seemingly? Did it or didn't it? (Judging by the following events, I don't think it did)
 * 73) ****I don't mean "luck" as it being lucky for them, but merely as a turn of phrase indicating that the way events had been going for them had changed. And I said "seemingly" because it seemed to them that their luck had changed, because Kahorr was using their hyperlane; however, it turned out that it was not good for them.
 * 74) *****Well, the point remains that their luck obviously didn't change; and either way, this is still POV. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:43, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ******Eh. Addressed.
 * 76) * I don't think the Sith Empire thought it had been "lost for centuries," the Sith probably knew exactly where they were: again, too POV.
 * 77) **Addressed.
 * 78) * No article for Sadow's citadel?
 * 79) **Addressed.
 * 80) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:35, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Caedus

 * Nominated by: Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Over a year later, it's finally done. It'll probably take that long to pass, too. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Timeline
 * 2) * The section "still the student" reads: "He did not leave immediately, however. He spent some time instructing other Jedi, among them Nelani Dinn, whom he trained in lightsaber combat." This seems to suggest that he instructed Nelani before he set out on his journey, although Betrayal claims that this occurred in 33 ABY. It's a bit confusing as it currently reads.
 * 3) **Betrayal's statement that it was "seven years ago" that he trained her is an artifact of Betrayal's original setting in 37 ABY; after it was removed, some time references had to be rewritten and this one wasn't caught. The same rewrite was responsible for the mixup saying Zekk was younger than Jaina; one of their ages got corrected but not the other. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I know that, but the sentence, as it currently reads, still seems to imply that he instructed Nelani before he left, which hasn't been established in canon, and is thus conjecture. The "seven years ago" statement is really a currently unresolved continuity issue, and I think it warrants a note in "Behind the scenes", just as in Nelani Dinn's article. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Well, it implies that because that's obviously the situation. We know there's a timing error; we know that if we read it as a leftover mistake, it makes sense; we know if we read it as correct it makes no sense (Jacen is randomly heading back to train random Jedi in lightsaber technique, but refuses to see his parents even though he misses them?). It's a mistake, pure and simple. Just like all the stuff that's supposedly twenty years ago in Patterns of Force; we know it's not because it doesn't make sense and the book is riddled with timeline errors. It's a good idea to note it in the BTS, though, and I've done that.
 * 6) *****Awesome. Really well-done paragraph in BTS. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Also, what's the basis for claiming that Jacen didn't set out on his journey until 30 ABY? Is it the consistent use of "five-year journey" in post-NJO novels? Even with that in mind, it still seems like conjecture on your part, unless it's been explicitly stated that he waited a year to leave.
 * 8) **It's the five-year journey bit, yes. It would be conjecture for me to say he left right away and all the other sources calling it five years were wrong on the assumption or inference that he had to have left in a matter of days right after TUF. Though that seems to be the vague assumption that the material kind of forwarded by not explicitly saying he hung around a while before leaving, other than the thing with Nelani, it's only a vague inference whereas the more specific references tell explicitly against it. I'm just working with what canon established. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Maybe source the "30 ABY" in that sentence, and make a note of it in the reference? A note establishing that the novel(s) sourced indicate it was a five-year journey. That would clear up confusion, and make it clear to everyone that it's bsaed on in-novel statements and is not conjecture. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) ****It's already sourced to The Joiner King, which establishes that it was a five-year journey that ended in 35 ABY. There's not really any more sourcing needed -- if anything that might be questioned as "is that an inference or a guess or right in the text?" had to get sourced and noted, there would be twenty refs saying "No, that's in there," in each paragraph. I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's really necessary or practical. Havac 20:18, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) *****Yeah, you're right. For completeness's sake, I'd suggest adding in a couple more sources immediately after "Jacen set out in 35 ABY" (other novels which call it a five-year journey), but that's just a preference of mine, not a requirement. Cheers. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Ditto claiming that he visited the Baran Do Sages in 34 ABY --- Outcast states that he visited them near the end of his journey, but does it actually explicitly state that it was in 34 ABY? If not, then 34 ABY seems like conjecture based on the idea of The Joiner King taking place at the very beginning of 35 ABY.
 * 13) **The Baran Do, in 43 ABY, say he visited them nine years ago. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***My mistake! Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Some image captions end in punctuation while others don't.
 * 16) **Those which are complete sentences end in punctuation; those that aren't don't. Image caption policy. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *I'm pretty nitpicky about timeline things, but a very well-done and extensively researched article with a fantastic use of images. Excellent job, Havac. Menkooroo 03:09, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thank you. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * The fourth paragraph of "Deep doubts" reads: "When five beetles menaced a pair of vulnerable Vors, however, he was forced to kill. More beetles were drawn to his lightsaber, forcing him to throw it away and run." I think it's worth mentioning that it was Droma who convinced him to throw the lightsaber. Droma was part of the expedition, and was the one who realized that they were attracted to light sources. Menkooroo 20:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **You just love Droma, don't you Jeff? I've added in a mention. Havac 01:44, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Damn right I do. But I also did legitimately feel like the paragraph was incomplete. Feel the Ryn love! Menkooroo 03:46, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Why do I sometimes drop into the FAN page for some ultimately minor and random objection?
 * 23) *Maybe mention somewhere his preference of darker coloured clothing/furnishings during his time as Sith Lord? I believe his GA office was almost completely black, as were his robes and weird armor-ish stuff he wore underneath. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **I've added a notation on the clothes, which is a good catch. I can't find anything about the office. If you come up with a quote, let me know. Havac 23:21, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) Me again.
 * 26) * Hey Hav, could you add something to Bts about ? Miniatures too if you want to, links and.
 * 27) **I actually took care of this under the Sofixit clause. I'm leaving my below question, though, as I think it might actually be a policy that individual issues need to be referenced, and not story arcs. Although I could be confusing it with a similar but different policy. I'd take care of it myself, but I'm trade-waiting for Invasion. Menkooroo 12:06, January 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) ***It was a good writeup, but I've moved the paragraph for minor layout purposes, and I've cut out the Miniatures information, as it's not particularly notable for a major EU character to have minis and so doesn't really merit a writeup. The action figure stuff is noteworthy, though. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * You've cited a few story arcs in Legacy and Invasion --- can you source the individual issues? For example, what's currently reference #104 is a link to Star Wars Legacy: Vector --- how do you feel about changing it to Star Wars Legacy 31: Vector, Part 12? Menkooroo 14:07, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **I don't source to issues, for a couple reasons. One is that it's too small a thing to cite to -- it creates a clutter of citations for small increments of a story, like citing chapters in a book. The other is that the story isn't presented for posterity in issue form -- it's collected in story form in trades. So there's no way for most people to even know what issue anything is from. And there's no rule requiring citation by issue, because of those limitations. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Ah, cool. I must have been mixing it up with a different policy. Also, I'd give the article a full review, but I'll be reading YJK relatively soon (I swear!) and naturally want to be unspoiled. Menkooroo 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Yes, I know. Redlinks. They'll be eliminated. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * I count 23 18  16  6 zero, some of which can probably be pointed to existing pages as I've done with several already. ( Airship, board game , coraltree basal , Corellian Space Defense Force , dazzle-grenade , Dragon's Teeth , electroencephaloscan , fighting-sight , Font of Power , Garqi Resistance , grand marshal , ion shield generator , Legal and Legislative Department , medical runner , Mind Walking , mirror illusion , Mists of Forgetfulness , Pool of Knowledge , railcar , safety stick , Star Wars: The New Jedi Order Round-Robin Interview , Throne of Balance , and twin bond , for easy reference.) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:25, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * I trust you will update the article with any new info from the Star Wars: Invasion comics?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:01, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Of course. Havac 20:26, October 10, 2009 (UTC)

Starbreaker 12

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:08, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Quite possibly one of the oddest looking ships in SW. In fact, all of the TOTJ ships look weird.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) There are a couple of things below I haven't stricken, but they're mostly my preference, so I won't oppose based on them. Good work! ~ SavageBob 21:08, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:29, January 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:53, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 2) * I think the "Description" section is a bit sparse. You could say a lot more about the ship just from looking at pictures of it. It's hull is uneven, it has a mass of tendril-like protrusions below the cockpit, its extremities are connected by wire, its side-born engines glow yellow, etc.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "With supplies low, many starship operators began running supplies to the Tetan forces, including the Daragons in the Shadow Runner." This line is confusing, since its ambiguous whether "the Daragons" refers to the supply runners or the Tetan forces. I know which it is from context, but can you clarify it a bit?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Context for Aarbra.
 * 7) **I do give him context by saying that he owned Aarrba's Repair Dock.
 * 8) ***I guess I'd like to see his species mentioned there too, but I won't oppose based on my personal preference. :) ~ SavageBob 21:07, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Now in possession of the Starbreaker 12, Gav and Jori Daragon did indeed become hyperspace trailblazers..." The "now in possession of the Starbreaker 12" part is redundant, since the previous paragraph tells us that they now had the ship.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * Overall, Starbreaker 12 is repeated a bit too much. Can you replace every so often with "the ship" or "the Daragons' ship" or another synonym?
 * 12) **Addressed.
 * 13) * "The Starbreaker 12 was kept in Aarrba's hangar while the Daragons searched for the means to pay for its repairs." Again, the previous paragraph says exactly this, so there's no need to repeat it here.
 * 14) **Addressed;
 * 15) * Pronouns for the ship: In places you use it, in others you use she and her. I'm not sure what Wookieepedia policy is, but can you homogenize the usage in the article?
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * "Upon landing, however, the Daragons were promptly arrested by the natives." The previous sentence tells us they landed, so "upon landing" is unnecessary.
 * 18) **Addressed.
 * 19) * Context for Khar Delba.
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) *"After this incident, the Starbreaker 12 was protected by Ludo Kressh and his personal guards in its Ziost holding bay." "After this incident" is redundant; the reader will assume events are chronological unless you say otherwise.
 * 22) **Addressed.
 * 23) * "cunning Dark Lord Naga Sadow." Cunning sounds POV.
 * 24) **Addressed.
 * 25) * "Kressh arrived at the scene after the Starbreaker 12 had been stolen, and initially thought that it was a Republic attack." Again, no need to repeat that the ship had been stolen.
 * 26) **I wasn't repeating the fact; I was simply placing Kressh's arrival in the context of previous events.
 * 27) * "Narrowly avoiding a catastrophic impact, Jori Daragon attempted to inform them of the Sith." The previous sentence tells us she avoided collision, so no need to repeat it here.
 * 28) **Addressed.
 * 29) *That's it. Good work! It's hard to make a ship article interesting IMO. ~ SavageBob 15:54, November 9, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Would it be possible to swap the placement of the second and third images as far as which one is left-justified and which one is right-justified? The one of the Daragons looking leftward would be better placed on the right of the page, as their gaze would then lead the viewer's eye into the text rather than away from it. Just a suggestion! ~ SavageBob 22:26, October 30, 2009 (UTC)

Inexpugnable-class tactical command ship

 * Nominated by:Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 18:26, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first FAN! Done under the auspices of the KOTOR Wookieeproject.

(2 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very impressive work, Taral.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:51, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nicely done.  Nayayen ... TALK  15:00, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Your first is always cool.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:20, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 21:15, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Good work. Xd  17:45, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A quick glance, more to come&hellip;
 * 2) * I took a quick glance at the article, and I immediately noticed that in the intro, there are numerous references. These are not necessary, please omit them.
 * 3) **Removed the references from the intro. I noticed that a lot of FAs didn't have intro references, but wasn't going to assume that it was a rule. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 19:20, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * The Citeweb template should be used for most external references, such as reference 15. Here's a list of the templates.
 * 5) **Used Cite Web to source the online dictionary, but also used tags, because otherwise it wasn't going down to the Notes and references section (I assumed it was automatic, like the ref tags). <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 19:20, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Yeah, I assumed that at one time, as well. Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:25, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *More later. I like what I see, though&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:52, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Nayayen
 * 9) * I'm seeing quite a bit of info exclusive to the intro. "...at 3,100 meters long...", for example, should also be in the main body.
 * 10) **I've added the diameter of the ship into the Dimensions section. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * This is the same with the infobox. I don't see any mention of the price in the main body.
 * 12) **I've added the price into the history, and also added crew complement, consumables, and cargo capacity to the Complement. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * There is a LOT of overlinking throughout. Please go through the whole article and make sure that if something is linked, it is linked only ONCE in the intro, ONCE in the infobox, ONCE in each image caption and ONCE in the main body. Of course, if it only occurs in the main body then it doesn't need to be linked in the intro.
 * 14) **Went through the article, I think I found most of the overlinking. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***You've managed to get most of it, I got those few that you missed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 21:21, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * There is a wealth of information on Faraway Press that isn't in the article. The Bts would benefit greatly from this. You also should reference these as "John Jackson Miller's production notes for issue XX".
 * 17) **Found the production notes, and added elements about the Vanjervalis Chain from issue 31, and other issues that gave details the origin of the Inexies' names. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * I see no mention of the fact that Haazen could control the Vanjervalis chain because he bought the company.
 * 19) **Added. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * The history is not at all comprehensive enough, it is GA standard at best. Please look at a current ship class FA like TIE/sh shuttle for the sort of detail required. You may also find this GA helpful also.
 * 21) **I've tried adding some more. Will need to re-evaluate.  I've been comparing it to the TIE/sh, whose history details mostly just events in which TIE shuttles took place.  This history may be more detailed than it in some ways, but less detailed in other ways.  Additional advice on this front would be greatly appreciated. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You're looking almost to detail the history of the ships of this class to the degree that it is in the intro for their own articles (of course, those articles aren't comprehensive so I'm not suggesting you do that). First, The Battle of Serroco could do with some more info (mainly from No.15), specific to Inexpugnables of course. Just more than a sentence at least. Secondly, some mention of the escape from Courageous in No.17 would be good. Finally, more detail of what happened with Swiftsure over Coruscant in No.31 as well. Just some more info that generally details the serving history of the class. Things along the line of those three points above should be ideal. I'll look through the article in detail after you've added this info. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 21:45, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Thanks for the advice, and thanks for the help with the links, and I'll do as you suggest for the History. I actually have a funeral to attend this weekend out of town, so I won't be able to do much till Sunday (don't think I've abandoned it!).  So I shall add all this extra info on Sunday/Monday.  Will message you when I've put in those extras.  Thanks for your help and understanding! <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:50, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *****Added significant detail to History, especially on the Battle of Serroco, the escape from Courageous, and the events of Turnabout. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 15:34, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ******Now that is what I was looking for. The content is all there now, I'll be going through with a fine-toothed keyboard later. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 16:25, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *I didn't have to look too hard to find these problems. Don't be disheartened, Taral, but this article needs some major work. I will wait until you finish these to put more objections up, that last one will take a while. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 22:35, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Nayayen 2.0
 * 28) * Intro: "Often described as a mobile space station at 3,100 meters in diameter, it was one of the largest Republic spacecraft in use at the time." None of this is mentioned in the body and I'm not sure what source it is from.
 * 29) **Done. And FYI it's from the KOTOR Campaign Guide.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) * "...in the first few weeks of the Mandalorian Wars." Again, not mentioned in the body and I'm dubious of how you got it down to weeks.
 * 31) **You're right, it isn't mentioned explicitly in the body, but I do describe how two Inexies were destroyed in the History section, and since the KOTOR comics show the opening shots of the Mandalorian Wars (Vanquo/Taris), the destruction of the Courageous and the Reliance happened within a few weeks of the beginning of the war. So I don't repeat it explicitly, but it is there implicitly.  Though if you feel  a quick mention is warranted, let me know and I'll see what can be done. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***Well actually, now I think about it, the Mandalorian Wars began in 3,976 BBY so it can't possibly be the first few weeks. Try and find a way to reword this differently "early in 3,964 BBY". You'll also need to reword references to the start of the Mandalorian Wars given that the date of the start is said to be 3,976 BBY.  Nayayen ... TALK  19:49, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ****I looked it up, and while the Mandalorian Wars began in 3,976 BBY, the Republic was only invaded at the end of 3,964 BBY (issues 7-8-10, in 3,964 and 3,963 BBY). So I changed it to either not provide the date, or be explicit to the beginning of the Republic's involvement.  Check it out? <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:33, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) * Characteristics: "...with a hollow center" Can you word this a bit better? It makes it sound like some sort of candy right now.
 * 35) **I see what you mean. I went with that it was "disc-shaped, with an opening in the center". <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * Role: "...which allowed an Admiral to command a fleet..." I don't believe that it would be only an admiral in command, ie. Captain Karath.
 * 37) **Replaced with "Flag Officer", which just means the officer who commands a fleet from a flagship. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) * "These ships commanded Republic fleets..." Can you find a different word to use here? "Commanded" doesn't fit.
 * 39) **"Led". <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) * History: Please refer to people by either their first or last names consistently. You use Karath but also Zayne and Carth. Last names tend to be preferred.
 * 41) **Done. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) * "..although Karath, Zayne, and Carth were . . . the wall in Zayne's prison cell." This sentence makes it sound as if the three of them dismantled the wall there and then but they didn't, Carrick had used the Force during his incarceration. Also, they gained access to the Deadweight in the Courageous '  hangar bay, you've got it mixed up here.
 * 43) **Re-written. And as for the last part, I meant "Deadweight's landing bay" as in "the landing bay in which Deadweight was parked," not "the landing bay on the Deadweight."  Rewritten to avoid any misinterpretation. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * Shortly after this, you finish a sentence with "remnants of the Courageous" and then start the next one with that same wording.
 * 45) **First use revised.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) * "After the Battle of Serroco, they were equipped..." Make it clear what you are referring to here.
 * 47) **Done.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 48) * The last half of the penultimate paragraph of the History seems like it was copy'n'pasted from an old revision of the intro. Please reword/move/whatever it so that it flows better.
 * 49) **Revised. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * "...used it to command the Republic fleet to both Haazen and the Draay Estate." Commanded it to do what?
 * 51) **lol I forgot a word there. "...Republic fleet to fire upon both Haazen and..." <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) * Bts: "The names of Inexpugnable-class vessels seem to be mostly derived from Earth naval ships." I personally find the Earth reference odd, why not just say "real world"? Also, say that JJM actually did derive the names from real ships.
 * 53) **Done.<font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) * Finally, what is that image doing in the Sources section? It isn't relevant to the adjacent text at all and therefore should either be moved or gotten rid of.
 * 55) **Removed. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:56, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) *Sorry it took me so long to get around to a final review.  Nayayen ... TALK  20:57, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 57) Two small things:
 * 58) * "Despite its usefulness as a command ship, the Inexpugnable had its weaknesses. Only six Inexpugnable-class ships were manufactured; two of which..." Would it be remiss to change that to "had its weaknesses, and as such, only six..."
 * 59) **Addressed. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 17:52, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * I could be missing something, but why don't you explain all of the names of the vessels that are named after RL ships in the BTS? For example, you don't explain where Swiftsure got its name from?
 * 61) **The names of Swiftsure and Indefatigable (the only two I didn't already address in the BtS final paragraph) were never given firm origins from the John Jackson Miller endnotes. Still, they are named after old Royal Navy ships, and have noted them as such, with a note in the References section that JJM has not confirmed the origins of the ship names. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 17:52, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) *Good job.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:02, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) **Thank you! <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 17:52, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) Attack of the Clone
 * 65) *While I would normally fix most of these myself, I'm going to list all of them so that you can learn what the acceptable standards are.
 * 66) * If an image caption is not a complete sentence, it does not deserve punctuation.
 * 67) **Fixed. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!-
 * 68) * Please somehow balance out the images. Ideally, there should be only once per section or every three paragraphs. Also, please try to standardize your paragraph size&mdash;the article isn't very aesthetically appealing when there are sporadic lengths.
 * 69) **I've tried to balance the pictures better, and balance the length of the paragraphs. Had to move a pic to Behind the Scenes, but it's okay because I mention that ship's appearance in BtS. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!-
 * 70) ***"Standardizing paragraph size" doesn't really mean keeping the currently measly sizes in the Characteristics section.  CC7567  (talk) 20:38, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ****Tried evening out the paragraph lengths in Characteristics. Try it now. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 15:53, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) * "A possible auxiliary thruster": this isn't very clear; please clarify.
 * 73) **Tried to clarify, is it better? <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!-
 * 74) ***"with what appeared to be an auxiliary thruster located in between the main four": I'm not so sure that this is much better. It needs to be worded less speculatively, if possible.  CC7567  (talk) 20:38, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****It is speculation, so I just removed it. It just wasn't clear, per the CG, what that thruster-like structure was. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 13:07, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) * Pipelinking such as " Aurek starfighters " makes linking rather overdone; it's perfectly fine to link to articles only when they first appear, as the role of linking is as a supplement, not an attempt to direct the reader to every single related article.
 * 77) **Fixed a few, I think that's most of them. Will check again. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!-
 * 78) * "These ships led Republic fleets throughout the early Mandalorian Wars, including the Battle of Vanquo, the Battle of Serroco, the First Battle of Taris, and in orbit of Coruscant." I'm not really sure how this is relevant enough to be included in the Role section. From the Layout Guide: "Role encompasses the duties the vessel or vehicle type was designed and/or used for. Strengths and weaknesses in application are laid out here, as well." Also, watch the placement of your references; it currently implies that the entire sentence is attributable to all four of those sources, and I'm unsure if that's true or not.
 * 79) **Fixed the Role section. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!-
 * 80) * Going from the section of the LG that I just quoted, please check to see if all of the article's information&mdash;including that of the Characteristics section&mdash;is in the right place.
 * 81) **I'm pretty sure the appropriate data is in Characteristics, Role, and History (now). <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!-
 * 82) ***"This also made them vulnerable to boarding operations and ramming attacks." Are you sure? Please check again.  CC7567  (talk) 20:38, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ****"It had large hangars and a command area located underneath the main superstructure, to the stern. Additional hangar decks were located on the vessel's bow to allow rapid deployment of fighters from multiple levels. This also made them vulnerable to boarding operations and ramming attacks." I'm sorry, but I don't understand how that isn't a characteristic. It had numerous large hangars, which was beneficial, but also created a vulnerability.  I can rephrase to make it one continuous sentence, if that helps.  But if you can explain the concern I'd greatly appreciate it. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 13:07, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) *****The vulnerability at least needs to be mentioned in the Role section as a disadvantage. Sorry if I wasn't being clear enough.  CC7567  (talk) 01:45, February 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) ******Moved it to Roles, with a mention of the hangar capacity as being useful for rapid fighter deployment, but having the vulnerabilities as above. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) *******Please also make sure that you adhere to the MOS's proper italics.  CC7567  (talk) 19:49, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) ********I think I've corrected the italics (I did notice a few words that were italicized that shouldn't have been). <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 21:08, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) *I'm going to stop there for now and give you time to work on the article before I continue. I would highly recommend paying attention to linking. Articles are linked once in the infobox, once in the intro, and once in the body of the paragraph&mdash;no less, no more. I've changed what I caught, but you should go through the article and make sure that the linking is impeccable.  CC7567  (talk) 06:37, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) **Thanks for the help! Will keep watch for more comments. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 17:37, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 90) * Per the Manual of Style, please use metric units instead of standardized American ones.
 * 91) **The only one I saw was "ton", which is a) metric, b) in the list of measurement units, and c) properly sourced. If I missed another one, please let me know and I'll gladly change it. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) ***The problem is that "ton" is also an American unit. It would be better if you could either say "metric ton" and leave it there or convert it to kilograms if at all possible to avoid confusion.  CC7567  (talk) 19:49, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) ****Added "metric". <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 21:08, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) *****Just so you know, a "ton" refers to both an Imperial and a US measurement (the former 1016 kg, the latter 907 kg). However, "tonne" is the proper term for the metric unit of 1000 kg. I'll let you put it whichever way you prefer. ;)  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  22:46, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) * Can we get a time marker at the very beginning of the History section?
 * 96) **I'm sorry but I don't understand. There is no source for the earliest origins of the ship class, only tis first appearance in canon, in KOTOR #8.  So, short of re-writing the sentence to have the first appearance at the front, there isn't much I can do (unless I don't understand what you mean by "time market".  Please advise. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) ***Time "marker," and I'm referring to the possible implementation of such a marker for the Republic's decision that it needed a "tactical command ship to coordinate its large fleets." Even only something like "Prior to the Mandalorian Wars" might help, if it can be said.  CC7567  (talk) 19:49, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) ****lol sorry for the typo. I've added "Prior to the Republic's involvement in the Mandalorian Wars, the Republic..." at the beginning of History. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 21:08, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) * "allowing access the Deadweight in the Courageous landing bay": please check this; a word is missing somewhere.
 * 100) **Fixed. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 101) * "Mandalore the Ultimate later claimed that his battle-axe was forged from the Courageous hull." I'm not quite sure if this is relevant; please clarify why it is.
 * 102) **Last bit of history involving the starship Courageous. I added another half-sentence to clarify that the ship was taken by the Mandalorians and recycled, and part of the hull was used to make the Mandalore's axe.  It is relevant, but it wasn't well connected. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) * "specifically so that they might intercept Carrick": who wanted to intercept him? Why?
 * 104) **Added appropriate info. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) * You can only link to an article once in captions throughout the article where the article is first mentioned. I personally would recommend removing all links in images.
 * 106) **Removed all links from images. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:16, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) * Can we get a little more context on Vindiciation, i.e. whether it was an actual battle, a code word, or something else?
 * 108) **Added a quick half-sentence, defining the Vindication as Haazen's Jedi Covenant insurrection against the Order. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:16, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) * Context on Cassus Fett.
 * 110) **Added a quick line about Fett. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) * "Fett's fleet fought a brief battle with the Republic": can we get a link to that battle somewhere in this section, preferably where it's first mentioned?
 * 112) **Fixed. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 113) * "Upon Admiral Karath being informed of the true nature of the battle": please reword this somehow and use an actual noun instead of a gerund (the -ing word, "being"), as it's currently very choppy.
 * 114) **"When Admiral Karath learned of the ruse and its ultimate goal, he directed Swiftsure fleet to capture..." <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) ***Is it "the Swiftsure" or simply just "Swiftsure"? Please be consistent throughout the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:49, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) ****I went through, and now consistently use "the  " or "the  ". <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 21:08, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) * Please check all rank capitalization against the Manual of Style.
 * 118) **I found one, but will continue to check for more. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:16, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) * "Only six Inexpugnable-class vessels, including prototypes and production models, were ever manufactured, since problems began cropping up with the design." Is there a reason why this is mentioned so late in the History when it has much more relevance toward the very beginning?
 * 120) **I disagree. It's not a matter of "we built six, but they weren't great so we stopped building them".  I think it's more a "We started building them, but because they weren't great we stopped at six."  That is more appropriate at the end, because it's the final decision of the manufacturing of the ships, presumably after most were destroyed or have had their weaknesses show (if the Republic knew early on that the ships had major weaknesses, then I figure they wouldn't be using them as flagships in a war.) Please clarify if you disagree or have another POV. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) ***That's fine, then, assuming that the date for this fact isn't known. Thank you for clarifying.  CC7567  (talk) 19:49, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * "This different appearance may have been artistic interpretation, or it could be due to the fact that the Swiftsure was a proof-of-concept ship and therefore may have had a slightly different design." Speculation does not belong in articles, so please clarify its inclusion or remove it.
 * 123) **I removed the in-universe speculation about the proof-of-concept idea, but I properly sourced the other idea. Yes, it is technically speculation, but it is founded and sourced.  I can remove the whole paragraph if you like, but then that picture looks out of place, and I feel that that picture is important to the article. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 16:16, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) *Please continue to watch your linking, as I currently find it the most prominent issue at hand. I will be going through the article again with you to make sure that it's in good shape once you fix all of these.  CC7567  (talk) 01:45, February 14, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I would really recommend removing all of those subheaders and merging all of the info in the Characteristics section under that main header. It doesn't seem like there's enough info on each specific part of the ship to balance the section aesthetically as a whole.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * Makes sense. I removed the headers, and it looks better I think.  Worst case scenario we can revert, but it looks better. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  <font color=#008000>-Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 13:22, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * As reliable as it is for basic information, I don't think it's good practice to cite Wikipedia as a source. I may be able to find a book citation instead for Indefatigable and Swiftsure. Also, HMS Indefatigable was the ship Horatio Hornblower served in his first book. -LtNOWIS 04:33, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * I understand about wikipedia. Fortunately, I only used it to verify the existence of the ships, and not any specific information.  If any INQs object I'll gladly find a different source, but as it stands it's useful for the info I need. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:00, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Wikipedia is basically like Wookieepedia: if anyone can edit it, it's not a proper source for information. While the information there is probably correct, I'd recommend that you find a proper source.  CC7567  (talk) 20:44, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed. Found some references to both ships on a website devoted to Ships of the Old Royal Navy. <font color=#FF0000>Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith  -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 13:37, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Spar

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 09:26, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm back, baby!

(4 Inqs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:34, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) A crying shame of continuity expertly-handled --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 14:26, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:18, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Kreivi Wolter 14:38, December 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) 100% support. Great job.--Bella&#39;Mia 11:07, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) I echo Harrar's statements.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:46, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7)  CC7567  (talk) 00:47, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Karen Traviss disapproves of this article:
 * 2) * In the intro: Context on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I.
 * 3) * Context on Dutchess Satine.
 * 4) * Context on Padme Amidala and Darth Sidious.
 * 5) * Context on Kal Skirata and Boba Fett.
 * 6) **I've given Padme the explanatory title, but I'd like to discuss all these as one. I feel that the intro is the place for brevity; it's the place for giving the short, pared down version of Spar's story. If people need further elaboration on what these characters are all about, they can click the links or read the rest of the article, which does provide all the context one needs for Spar.
 * 7) * Why did the Kaminoans call him Spar?
 * 8) **Dunno.
 * 9) * Quotes for the three bio sections?
 * 10) **That might be nice, but it's not required and I'd have to use terrible Traviss dialogue.
 * 11) * Context again on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I in the bio.
 * 12) **Cuy'val Dar is contextualized with "trainers". Slave I clarified.
 * 13) * In the intro, Cuy'val Dar is italicized but in the bio it is not. Which one is it supposed to be?
 * 14) **Should be italicized. Fixed.
 * 15) * Context on the Mandalorian deaths in the Battle of Galidraan? Did Spar participate in this battle? If not, how did he get word of it?
 * 16) **They died, the Jedi killed them. That's all explained, and pretty much all the context needed for the topic. Spar probably read about it or something; we just know he knew about it.
 * 17) *<S>Context in the body on Sidious.
 * 18) **Added.
 * 19) * Why did the meeting end in an altercation between Sull and Jusik?
 * 20) **Clarified.
 * 21) * Why would Vel shoot him if she thought him to be her father?
 * 22) **Cause she's craaaaazy. I could get into the whole Vel/Fett relationship, but I think it better serves the focus of the article to leave it to their respective articles, since Spar would just be concerned with the "being shot" part.
 * 23) * P&T quote?
 * 24) **See above.
 * 25) *Canon-tastic.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 01:28, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thanks for reviewing. - Lord Hydronium 06:02, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) Jinzler
 * 28) * Just one minor point: Spar bore a grudge against Jedi and started an altercation, which Spar attempted to break up. I'm assuming that there is a typo here and Spar didn't try to break up his own fight --Jinzler 12:03, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Gah, should be Sull. Fixed. - Lord Hydronium 04:22, November 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) Attack of the Clone
 * 31) * "Spar left the post of Mandalore but stayed on the planet for some months longer": which planet? Norval II? Please clarify.
 * 32) **Clarified.
 * 33) * "He remained on the planet Mandalore for the time being, and Shysa made repeated unsuccessful attempts to get the Mandalore to resume his post." If he left his post as Mandalore, why is he still referred to as such?
 * 34) **Changed to "ex-Mandalore".
 * 35) * "Spar allowed that it could be floated that he was considering a return": the wording is rather awkward and unclear here; please try to reword.
 * 36) **Reworded.
 * 37) * "Skirata informed them of Ovolot Qail Uthan, a Separatist scientist who had worked on the clone genome and could help them, who was in the Republic's custody." The excessive "who"s are making this a run-on sentence.
 * 38) **Reworded.
 * 39) * "and it was to this mission that Spar was assigned, alongside Sull, Fi, and Jusik. After almost two months of preparation, the trio": I'm not sure about you, but I count four individuals that you mention, not three. Please clarify.
 * 40) **Yeah, the clones are the trio. Clarified.
 * 41) * Please source that Fact tag.
 * 42) **Eh, we don't seem to have a consistent rule on whether the title of a succession box should be sourced. I think it's kinda pointless myself. Added it in until I can be arsed to do a CT, anyway. - Lord Hydronium
 * 43) *Overall, please watch your linking; some of it was rather inconsistent.  CC7567  (talk) 07:10, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) Pasta
 * 45) * "Nor did Alpha-Ø2 internalize any loyalty to the Galactic Republic." This is not a complete sentence.
 * 46) **It's actually gramatically fine, but I've changed it for the flow.
 * 47) ***Actually, it was not for this type of writing.
 * 48) * "Gilamar eventually cashed in a favor with Jango Fett&hellip;" Can there be something less casual and more professional sounding than "cashed in a favor?"
 * 49) **Changed to "called".
 * 50) * "&hellip;Spar realized that his purpose&hellip;" So this was a predetermined destiny? Or, was it a conclusion that he developed?
 * 51) **His own conclusion. Tweaked the wording.
 * 52) * "&hellip;and became Mandalore&hellip;" 'To become' seems like a weak verb here. I do not believe one simply "becomes" Mandalore&mdash;it is a title that is either taken, bestowed, or earned. Please tweak this.
 * 53) **Changed.
 * 54) *"Near the climax of the war&hellip;" What was the climax? What source calls it the climax? This seems highly laden with POV.
 * 55) **The linked source, History of the Mandalorians.
 * 56) *** Okay, so there is a source of it. That does not explain what it is or when it took place. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:53, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) ****The entirety of HOTM's description is "Near the Clone Wars' climax". It doesn't give any more than that. - Lord Hydronium 22:04, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * The succession box is incomplete. Please provide the years and the appropriate citations for Jango Fett and Fenn Shysa.
 * 59) **Added.
 * 60) * &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:07, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

 * Unaddressed objections for three weeks. Nominator has failed to respond in any way to a notification of the nomination's inactivity that was made several days ago despite continued activity elsewhere on the site.  CC7567  (talk) 07:06, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Assuming this vote isn't a runaway at this point, I am working on it now. - Lord Hydronium 21:54, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * And now they're addressed. - Lord Hydronium 22:01, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Grunny ( Talk ) 07:12, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:29, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:21, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Battle of the Rishi moon

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 00:39, November 10, 2009 (UTC) and Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:40, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah, finally it's done. Brought to you by Jang and Jugs. :P

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done. -- Xd1358  Talk 15:33, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice work guys : ) Kreivi Wolter 19:58, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Darth Trayus
 * 2) * The sentences in the first paragraph of the intro are short and choppy. Combine those that you can.
 * 3) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * You use "Realizing" to start two consecutive sentences in the inro's second paragraph.
 * 5) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * In the intro you say Rex realized the detonator didn't work, but in the body you say it's Hevy.
 * 7) **Changed the first one to Hevy, too, but I'll have to check with Jang to be sure that it was him. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Mention the plunk droids somewhere in the Destroying the Base section.
 * 9) **Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 12:27, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Wouldn't the fleet battle be part of the battle as well and not the aftermath?
 * 11) **Well, that depends. Did it occur over the moon of Rishi? I was under the impression that it was elsewhere. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ***Yeah it did. I think that needs to be made clear as well, as Grievous brought his fleet to the Rishi Moon following the commando droid's initial success.
 * 13) ****Ok, hopefully addressed.
 * 14) * Is Rishi Station ever referred to as a base? If not you may want to change your section headings. It's nitpicky, yes, but more accurate.
 * 15) **Addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *Other than that all, it's a good, consise article. My only other suggestion would be to make your images larger, as they're already dark and hard enough to see anyway. Small sizes like the ones you have now simply defeat the purpose of having images in the first place.
 * 17) **Addressed; we'll get to the rest soon. Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * Darth Trayus Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Clone attack (most likely minor stuff until further notice)
 * 20) * Please remind me why Fives, Echo, and Hevy are listed as commanders when they hold no official rank. Also, if you're going to specifically list Hevy, O'Niner, and Cutup under the casualties, you're going to have to list all of the rest of them, which is not something I recommend trying to do.  CC7567  (talk) 04:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) **Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 12:22, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Xd
 * 23) * "They came under attack from a Rishi eel, which killed Cutup before the other three clones were able to defeat it." Did they really defeat it? "Defeat" sounds like they killed it.
 * 24) **Addressed; thanks for the review. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 16:53, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) *** You may want to mention one of the clones warning the others before the eel arrived, and that one of the clones shot at the eel. -- Xd1358  Talk 17:02, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****I think that would be a little too play-by-play. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:19, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * "Grievous, having lost contact with the droid commandos, dispatched a team of B1 battle droid reinforcements to investigate the disappearance of the droids in the listening post." There were Super battle droids as well, I think.
 * 28) **Changed to "battle droids".  JangFett  (Talk) 22:43, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * No lead quote?
 * 30) **-- Xd1358  Talk 09:45, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) ***Addressed; sorry about not addressing this eariler.  JangFett  (Talk) 00:40, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) The clone finally made it here
 * 33) * I'm quite sure that there were more than eight troopers&mdash;and even that isn't a definite number. Please clarify.
 * 34) **Addresed.  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) * Are you certain that all battle droids, including those with the fleet, were destroyed?
 * 36) **I clarified this a bit. It's not known how many droids were destroyed.  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) ***Please check your grammar and formatting. Hint: bullets. Also, I'm sure that this can be clarified with a more specific number&mdash;say, "all deployed droid forces" or something similar?  CC7567  (talk) 04:26, February 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) ****Ah, sounds good. Addressed. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) *"Confederate General Grievous had planned to attack the Wild Space planet of Kamino in order to end the Republic's production of clone troopers, but the Republic held Rishi Station, a listening post near Kamino on the moon of Rishi, to warn the Republic fleet of any impending Confederate attacks in the area." Linking, tense, and overall coherency are all issues here. Also, while the existence of Rishi Station is a direct threat to Grievous's plans, I'm sure that you can reword it better so that it's not presented as extraneous information.
 * 40) **Addressed  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) **"Confederate General Grievous had planned to attack the Wild Space planet of Kamino in order to end the Republic's production of clone troopers, though, the Republic held a listening post near Kamino on the moon of Rishi." That isn't much of an improvement, considering the misused "though." Also, I'd suggest rewording the last part to something like "the listening post prevented Grievous from entering the system without alerting the Republic fleet."  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * "As they fled the base, however, the remote detonator wasn't responding": please watch your word choice and your tense.
 * 43) **Addressed  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) *How is Kamino this important to be mentioned prominently in both the intro and body?
 * 45) **I'm quite sure that's mentioned better in the intro. In the body, I see that it's thoroughly explained. I saw a minor issue in the intro that caused Kamino to be less important, though, it's corrected.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) ***Still remains. Why is Kamino so important to the Republic? It currently seems like a random planet with no value&mdash;where it does actually have one.  CC7567  (talk) 02:51, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * Can the Prelude image be resized at all? Making it that small and not taking advantage of it as a full image isn't very useful.
 * 48) **Generally it may fall under, though, I fixed it. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ***The only reason I repeat issues that fall under Sofixit is to either bring it to the nominator's attention or remind the nominator of them if he/she has already been told of them.  CC7567  (talk) 04:26, February 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) * Neither Nub or Droidbait are named in the episode, and it is therefore not a source for them.
 * 51) **Eh, should be the episode guide.  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * "O'Niner then left the command center of the base": left for where?
 * 53) **Addressed  JangFett  (Talk) 05:21, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***"O'Niner, however, left the command center of the base to help Nub and Droidbait, and ordered trooper CT-26-6958, nicknamed "Hevy," to sound the alarm and alert the Republic fleet." First, I'm unsure why you're choosing to use "however" if you're not indicating any sort of comparison. Second, O'Niner can't help Nub and Droidbait if they're already dead.  CC7567  (talk) 04:26, February 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Oops, addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) *I honestly must say that the linking in the article was so sporadic that I got rather dizzy trying to fix it. Also, at a glance, I'm spotting numerous grammar errors that are still in the article. I'm stopping here and giving you time before I continue with "Retaking the station" to make sure that the article is at the absolute best quality that you believe it can be, Jang. Everything else that I have to say is stuff that I've already said countless times by now.  CC7567  (talk) 07:36, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Shouldn't it be "Battle of the Rishi Moon," or "Battle of Rishi's Moon?" —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No truth in me ) 16:22, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * "Battle of the Rishi Moon" currently redirects to this article. I'd say for better naming of the battle, this article should be called "Battle of the Rishi moon." An admin has to delete that redirect article so I can properly move "Battle of Rishi moon" to it.  JangFett  (Talk) 16:49, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * All done. :) Much thanks to GT for moving the article.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:04, November 15, 2009 (UTC)

Raik Muun

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 15:34, November 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A crazy Dark Jedi

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:11, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:53, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 03:39, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Since this article is based on RPG adventures, I think it needs RPG and Endgame, though I'm not sure.
 * 3) **The templates are meant to be used in situations where it is uncertain whether or not something is canonical, like if something happens only as a result of a choice made by RPG players, where they have alternate options available. I have tried to write the article in such a way that avoids those situations by just stating the plain facts established about Muun in the scenarios, but in comparison with some other RPG characters, there isn't that much that the players can do to alter the actions of Muun. Therefore, I believe I have avoided needing to use the templates and I have stated in the BTS the few instances where the facts are uncertain, ie in Force Convention her powers vary with player tier and in Echoes of the Jedi she may or may not be killed. However, I am quite happy to add the templates if you feel they are necessary. --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Eh, I'll let someone who has dealt with RPG articles more often make that call. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:11, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "and was defeated when they were attacked by a group of Alderaanian Resistance agents.": "Defeated" is a bit unclear. Was she captured, killed, etc., or does the source just not give any more detail? This same issue is also in the last sentence of the bio.
 * 6) **Echoes of the Jedi is unclear about whether or not she is killed, as the player characters only have to defeat her, so it is theoretically possible for them not to have to do so, ie they could knock her out or something. As her fate is uncertain, I have chose not to speculate too much, although I have mentioned in the BTS that it is possible for the Resistance agents to kill her. --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "Muun then entered the cantina and walked over to a group of tough-looking people, who were sitting at a table near the door. She gave them a gesture that suggested that she wanted a fight, causing them to laugh at her.": After the first five words, the rest of this is a little too play-by-play and unnecessary.
 * 8) **Cut down --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "However, Master Kirlocca had hired a group of freelance agents known as the "Heroes of Cularin" to find Lawsirk": Is "Heroes of Cularin" an actual canonical name? If not, it should be pipelinked and the instances in the "Attack on the Luxury" section quote and later in that section should be reworded, as conjectural names are OOU.
 * 10) **It is a canonical name and is used on many occasions throughout the Living Force campaign --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "to try and delay the Heroes of Cularin from further interfering with her plans. In a further attempt to slow down the agents,": "Further" is repetitive.
 * 12) **Fixed --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Otherwise, looks good. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:08, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks for the review --Jinzler 21:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Attack of the Clone
 * 16) * Can you clarify the distinction between "Near-Human" and "Human half-breed"? Unless they hold equal importance, only one should be chosen for consistency.
 * 17) **Clarified, now it just calls her a Human half-breed --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) * Is she Force-sensitive? It would be better if you can directly clarify this, if possible.
 * 19) **Clarified --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * Please avoid using too many "then"s, as it gives an unneeded sense of chronology.
 * 21) **Cut down --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * Can you somehow vary up the usages of "blocked" in the "Searching for the t'salak" section?
 * 23) **Fixed --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * "F'Lopo filmed the whole attack, and the footage was confiscated by the Office of Peace and Security. The footage was passed on to the Almas Jedi, and the attack was attributed to Nek Lawsirk." Can this be shortened at all? I'm unsure if all of this is directly relevant to Muun.
 * 25) **Shortened --Jinzler 22:35, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) *Will continue with "Attack on the Luxury" as soon as these are fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 07:56, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) * "aboard the liner Luxury near to Rennokk, a moon of Cularin": please reword; the "near to" isn't a proper idiom.
 * 28) **Reworded --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * "so that its crew would be able to sabotage the conference": whose crew? Please be clearer here.
 * 30) **Clarified --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) * Please be consistent and clarify the dual Qornah Holocron/Qornah holocron capitalization.
 * 32) **Fixed --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) *I'd recommend that you continue to watch your linking and try to avoid excessively using the colloquial "so," as multiple usages&mdash;especially used incorrectly&mdash;tend to create a lack of interesting writing. I know that you're a good writer and that you're able to vary it up more, so please do so in the future.  CC7567  (talk) 04:25, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) **Thanks for your advice, I will try to follow what you have said when I write articles in the future --Jinzler 23:44, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

CT-26-1409

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 22:40, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part three of my Rookies project. Goes along with my and Jug's Rishi moon battle FAN. :P

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Read it, and it's good.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) -- Xd1358  Talk 05:29, November 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks great. Keep up the good work!--<Font color="SaddleBrown">Jawaman <Font color="SaddleBrown">Want to buy a used droid? 15:34, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Quick question before I get into it... why is that picture of Echo receiving his medal in that section? It's out of place both chronologically and aesthetically.  Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 01:18, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yes, I know. Currently, I am asking JMAS if he could upload extra images for the article.
 * 3) **Done. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 21:09, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Please find a better infobox image that does not make him look like he's come straight out of a poorly-colored painting.  CC7567  (talk) 02:53, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *Done at Jang's request. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 21:09, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Xd
 * 7) * "Soon after Echo entered the control room of the listening post, where he joined the other stationed rookie troopers." Did he enter the room. I thought he was there, reading the manuals or whatsoever.
 * 8) **No, Echo walked inside the command center in the beginning of the episode.
 * 9) * You should mention that CT-327 was the deck officer; otherwise it will sound like the droids killed him when 327 was in the station.
 * 10) **Keep in mind that too much detail will make it sound too pbp. However, I added "deck officer" before his name. :)
 * 11) * You should mention why Rex ordered the destruction of the station (cutting off the signal).
 * 12) **-- Xd1358  Talk 15:46, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ***That's all ready mentioned. See the second paragraph within the "Retaking the base" section. Thanks for the review.
 * 14) ****Gah. I really should rewatch Rookies. Good work, Jang.
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) * It's a little unclear in the bio why Grievous would attack the moon in order to attack Kamino
 * 17) **Addressed; hope that helps.
 * 18) ***"any attack on Kamino would alarm a nearby Republic fleet." How so? This still doesn't really make sense.
 * 19) ****Oops, I fixed that mistake. Sorry for the confusion.
 * 20) *****A little better, but I don't think you needed to remove the "all-clear" info. It's just not very clear right now why he would have to attack the listening post.
 * 21) ******Re-added information, hope that helps. :)  JangFett  <span style="color: #787878;"(Talk) 19:17, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) *******Ok, but it still isn't doesn't really make sense: why does Grievous need to attack the base in order to attack Kamino? You mention all of the main points (i.e. Grievous' planned attack on Kamino, the "all-clear" signal, the fact that Rishi is near Kamino) but you never tie them together. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:22, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ********The problem with this one right now is that you say that the moon base would have been alerted by thge all-clear signal itself, which is incorrect. If Grievous attacked Kamino, he would have to pass by Rishi and the base would be alerted to his presence. They would then cut off the all-clear signal, thereby alerting Kamino to the threat. I don't want to do this for you; this is simple writing skills that are expected of the nominator. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:21, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Outside the listening post, the meteor shower—which concealed the Droch-class boarding ships used by the commando droids—crashed everywhere around the listening post" I thought the meteor shower was just the boarding ships (although I could be wrong, I don't remember for sure)
 * 25) **Yes; the meteors were actually the boarding shops. Fixed.
 * 26) ***Ok, but please check your grammar here :P.
 * 27) ****Addressed. :P
 * 28) * The third paragraph should be condensed a little; right now it has too much info that isn't directly related to Echo
 * 29) **Mind pointing out the paragraph? If the paragraph begins with "Meanwhile, a clone trooper alerted O'Niner that a meteor shower was approaching." I believe that it's fine as it stands. Echo was present during the events.
 * 30) ***Okay, well then try making it seem a little more from Echo's point of view. RIght now it sounds like the article is suddenly about O'Niner.
 * 31) ****Addressed.
 * 32) * Does any source say that they really felt "helpless?"
 * 33) **Their attitude, and dialogue suggests that. However, it could be rephrased. :)
 * 34) ***It needs to be; if it's not stated, then it's OR.
 * 35) ****Done.
 * 36) * Right now, it sounds like the clone officers arrive and just walk right up to the rookies; you should say that they are attacked by droids, and from this, please explain why Rex asks them to remove their helmets (However, do keep this short, we don't want too much info here)
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) ***Better, but the second sentence here now reads awkwardly.
 * 39) ****Eh, addressed.
 * 40) * Does the show really name the droid unit numbers? (I know it named Unit 26, but I don't recall it naming 07, 08, and 09, although I could be wrong)
 * 41) **No, but naming the droid commandos would lessen confusion when reading.
 * 42) ***That's not the problem; if the show doesn't name them, then you can't source it to the show, and right now the full paragraph is sourced to the show.
 * 43) ****That's why the episode guide comes in handy. :)
 * 44) * Weren't they all escaping by the time they discovered the remote didn't work? The bio currently implies that they found the remote didn’t work, and then Hevy stayed behind so the rest could leave the station.
 * 45) **Hevy offered to stay behind and fix the remote detonator.
 * 46) ***Yes, but weren't they already trying to flee? Right now it sounds like they were trying to detonate the base while they were still inside.
 * 47) ****Okay, but if Hevy offered to stay behind, why is it that they don't know he stayed behind? I would think that if he told them he was staying behind, they would know he'd stayed behind. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *****Hopefully this is taken care of.
 * 49) ******You still haven't addressed the main issue. If he offered to stay behind, then why would they not expect him to stay behind? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:55, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) *******Okay, addressed. I rewatched this part of the episode, and the clones knew that Hevy was going to stay behind and fix the problem, but leave soon after.
 * 51) ********Much better; just awkward phrasing now. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:39, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) *********Addressed.
 * 53) **********This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 03:59, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***********Any better?
 * 55) ************Actually, the first one is even more awkward now, and the second sentence is even worse grammatically. Please go over your grammar and make certain it is correct. This is a very common problem with your noms, and quite frankly these are rather basic English skills which are expected of the nominator per Rule 1 of the FAN page. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 04:10, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) *************I saw what the problem was. I went back and corrected those awkwardly reading sentences. Hope this helps, Jonny.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:56, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) **************This reads much better, although there is still a grammar problem (third sentence of the paragraph). And the problem now is that it's not very clear that the clones expect Hevy to evacuate. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:02, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) ***************Addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 22:22, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) ****************Grammar is good now. But again: WHY would the clones expect him to evacuate? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:23, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * "Rex tried to contact Hevy via comlink, although the trooper denied to comply." Denied to comply to what?
 * 61) **Addressed
 * 62) ***What demands?
 * 63) ****Both objections addressed.
 * 64) *****Better, but now it reads very awkwardly.
 * 65) ******Eh, addressed.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:13, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *******Please check your grammar. "Denied" doesn't really work here. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:22, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ********Should be good now.
 * 68) * How was the listening post destroyed if the remote wasn't working?
 * 69) **Addressed
 * 70) * "While they were unsuccessful in rescuing Hevy, the clones soon departed the moon of Rishi, after being picked by a LAAT/i gunship that just arrived." This is rather disjointed, and reads awkwardly.
 * 71) **Addressed.
 * 72) * "After Rex issued the destruction of the listening post, Echo gave the Clone Captain information about the stored liquid tibanna in the base." How is this related to Echo’s personality?
 * 73) * Does "Rookies" state that the 501st Legion is "famed?" If not, then you need to remove this as POV. (You could possibly replace it with something like "elite," as long as a source states that it is so&mdash;and make sure you source it to the right source, too, if you do this.)
 * 74) * The chronology of the events mentioned in the P&T is difficult to follow, it jumps around with no apparent order.
 * 75) **All fixed.
 * 76) * Why was Echo saying "hell" a big deal? Why was it later removed?
 * 77) **Many say that it was because of parent complaints, but nothing official about the removal of the dialogue can be found. Thanks for the review, Jonny. :)
 * 78) ***No problem. Sorry I gouldn't hang around longer in IRC.
 * 79) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:02, December 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) * Seeing a lot of rather awkward phrasing.
 * 81) **I took care of that one problem with "Rex", and went through the article once more.
 * 82) *Except for the first couple of paragraphs, the rest of the "Rishi moon battle" section doesn't seem to be from Echo's point of view at all. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) **Basically in the episode, Echo and the other clones were together most of the time. It's quite difficult to see what Echo was doing. He had very limited lines, too.
 * 84) ***I understand that, but this is an article about Echo, and so you should make an effort to tell the story from his POV (even if that means some simple rephrasing from "the clones" to "Echo and the other clones" or something like that). And the parts where he isn't present much at all don't need to be elaborated upon too much (for example in the third paragraph, where he isn't mentioned until the final sentence). Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:55, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added external link section and CUSWE link, Jang Hope you don't mind.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
 * No, that's fine. Thanks. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 22:50, November 17, 2009 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

 * 1) Unaddressed objections for three weeks.  CC7567  (talk) 18:47, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * CC, I will address the remaining objections. I would like to speak to Jonny on IRC, although he is unable to connect to freenode. I'll take care of these remaining objections as of today.  JangFett  (Talk) 08:32, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Antares Draco

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 08:38, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The dude punched Cade in the motha-kriffin' face!

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Looks solid to me&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:01, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Great character, great article --Jinzler 18:33, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Quick glance&hellip;
 * 2) * Please use the Cite web template for all external links.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:59, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **I've added five external links using that template --- let me know if they're OK. Menkooroo 04:23, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) ***I apologize, I also meant the references and notes.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ****OK, I think I got it right this time. Menkooroo 15:36, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) *****Cool. Thanks for taking care of this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:09, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Blacklist:
 * 8) *You state in the article that Draco earned the title of "Imperial Master," but nothing links to it. I would suggest creating the page since there is enough info to warrant a distinction between that rank and that of Imperial Knight. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 03:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **That's an interesting idea. I think what I might do instead is do some maintenace on the IK article itself, and create a section entitled "Training", with a subsection about mastery, and then link there. There's really only a single sentence on "mastery" within the IK's in the LECG, and the term "Imperial Master" itself would be a conjectural one. I'll write here again tomorrow when I've done that. Menkooroo 15:26, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **Oooooookay. The first instance of "Master" in the article is now linked to the Mastery section of Imperial Knight. I did this rather than create a new article because Imperial Knight is about the order, not the title, unlike Jedi Knight, which is about the title. Menkooroo 10:03, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Jinzler
 * 12) * Draco's stats in the Legacy Era Campaign Guide reveal that he knew telekinesis. You should mention this in the P&A section --Jinzler
 * 13) **I had it listed as "levitation", but telekinesis is a better (and the proper!) name for it. Checking the LECG also revealed that Draco knows the Force shield talent, which I added. Holla! Menkooroo 12:55, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *Other than that, it looks pretty goooood --Jinzler 13:19, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **High praise indeed from someone who FA'd another Draco. I mean... another Dracoooooooo. Menkooroo 12:55, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) Attack of the Clone
 * 17) * "an acceptance that brought him into conflict with fellow Imperial Knights Krieg and Azlyn Rae": "acceptance" really does not sound like the right word choice here.
 * 18) * "At that moment, Calixte revealed herself to be in the room with them and eavesdropping": something's not working here; please try to reword.
 * 19) * "Draco accompanied Fel as he arrived on-planet, along with fellow Imperial Knights Sigel Dare and Draco's trusted friend Ganner Krieg." You imply that both are Knights, but the wording only confirms that Dare is one. Please clarify.
 * 20) * "and had rendezvoused with Jedi Knights Wolf Sazen and Astraal's brother, Shado Vao": same issue as above, just with the Jedi Knights.
 * 21) * "Draco's reasoning was that he loved her, to which her response was simply: "I know."'" Please try as much as possible not to use direct quotes in this manner. Blended quotes (i.e. On Geonosis, Rex was adamant against "turning tail and running" with his men'') are fine, but most others are slightly unprofessional.
 * 22) * "When Sazen attempted to return to the battle, Draco held him back, insisting that Marasiah's life was more important than anyone else's. Frantic, Draco revealed that the Massacre at Ossus had happened against the Emperor's orders and convinced Sazen to do whatever he could to heal her." Is something missing here? The implication of Sazen being upset over the Massacre at Ossus is implied but never expanded upon, and Draco's own "franticness" seems to come out of the blue.
 * 23) * "Fel summoned Draco and Kried": to where?
 * 24) * Context on the Wheel.
 * 25) *Have to continue with "Journey to the Hidden Temple" later because of time constraints.  CC7567  (talk) 21:47, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) **Addressed everything above. Let me know what ya think. Menkooroo 06:02, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) *As a note, please watch how you capitalize ranks and titles.
 * 28) * "Undercover, Rae confronted Skywalker as he visited his uncle, "Bantha" Rawk&mdash;formerly the Jedi Knight Nat Skywalker&mdash;on Iego, and claimed to be a bounty hunter." Who claimed to be a bounty hunter? I know that you're trying to indicate Skywalker did so, but the phrasing doesn't make it clear.
 * 29) **Actually, I meant Rae. Good catch. Menkooroo 08:26, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * "Cloaking their ship, the Imperial Knights followed the Mynock to the Hidden Temple and landed at the base behind their quarry." What base?
 * 31) *Watch your dash usage, please. "---" is in no way a proper substitute for either the em or the en dash.
 * 32) **Did I miss any? There are only single dashes left, in words like "Empire-in-Exile". Menkooroo 09:17, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) * "Accompanied by both Skywalkers, Sazen, and Vao, they appeared before Jedi Masters K'Kruhk, Tr'a Saa, and Tili Qua": who's "they"?
 * 34) * Please be consistent on using either "Rawk" or "Skywalker" for Nat throughout the entire article&mdash;including when you first mention him&mdash;unless it's absolutely necessary to mention his second name. It's getting rather confusing as it is having to distinguish between the Skywalkers.
 * 35) **Agreed. I originally didn't name him as a Skywalker, but another Inq changed it a few months back. I've re-jettisoned it. Menkooroo 08:26, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * Please clarify the "TIE predators"/"TIE Predators" capitalization. Consistency is your friend and an important part in writing.
 * 37) * Please limit your excessive usage of "explored" in the Mission to Had Abbadon section.
 * 38) * Please clarify the TwinTail italicization&mdash;that article does not italicize it, and the MOS itself does not support it.
 * 39) *Will continue with "Peace talks on Agamar" once these are addressed.  CC7567  (talk) 06:56, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) **Addressed everything above. Thanks for the copy-edit, too. But I did change two sentences back to how they were post-objection but pre-copy-edit: adding "the latter of whom was Draco's trusted friend/Astraal's brother" to the end of a sentence seems to unnecessarily drag the sentence out. But thanks for the copy-edit and the corrections; much-appreciated. Menkooroo 08:26, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) *"Later, Draco was on Bastion, and, along with Masters Dare, Hogrum Chalk, and Emperor Fel, observed a sparring match between Masters Krieg and Rae that was happening under the direction of Master Treis Sinde." The "was happening" part is overall colloquial and rather confusing as to the chronology of the events.
 * 42) *"Antares Draco's service to the Empire saw him follow in the footsteps of his forefathers; one of his ancestors was a member of the Galactic Empire's Inquisitorius." Why is this in the P&T and not the Bio?
 * 43) *"As of 137 ABY, Draco was the second-in-command of the Imperial Knights; behind Roan Fel, he was the highest-ranking member of the organization and was at the head of its disciplined command structure, a position he earned through years of hard work, discipline, and loyalty." For the most part, same as above.
 * 44) *This is probably the only formatting objection I'm going to make, but please check this reference, as it doesn't seem to be quite correct:
 * 45) *Please fix that missing reference.
 * 46) *"Draco's belief that listening to the Force and heeding one's insights were paramount helped craft him into a cunning, loyal, and very competent warrior." Something isn't matching up here and is interrupting the flow.
 * 47) *"he doubted that their relationship could work": can you rephrase this somehow? It's rather colloquial and confusing.
 * 48) *Context on Palpatine&mdash;yes, context is needed in the Bts, too.
 * 49) **(Hopefully) addressed everything above. Thanks again. Menkooroo 09:17, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) *I will be going through this once more after these are fixed. Additionally, please make sure to get my attention after you have updated it with the last issue of Monster so that I can review that as well. (As Cylka noted, that is one of the reasons why many Inqs discourage nominations that do not adhere to Rule 5 because it creates more problems for both them and the nominator.)  CC7567  (talk) 19:12, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) **Will do. I suspect he'll probably be in Legacy 48 as well. Regarding Rule 5, there are a few other Legacy characters that are FA'd, including another prominent Imperial Knight. Just following precedent, is all. Menkooroo 09:17, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era.
 * Updated for Issue 43 of Legacy. Menkooroo 13:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * And for Issue 45. Menkooroo 13:02, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * As he is a recurring character in an ongoing comic series, I'd suggest that you re-evaluate how well he adheres to FAN Rule 5 of stability if you haven't already done so. The amount that this article has the potential to change over the next few months could slow down the review process, to say the least.  CC7567  (talk) 21:49, February 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've been consistently updating the article the day after a new issue is released, and will continue to do so. Also, historically, Draco's played a big role in a bunch of issues and then disappeared for a year or so. Sure, we can't count on that, but even if he does keep taking center stage, I'll still update the article accordingly. Menkooroo 06:02, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm going to butt in here for just a moment. I agree that you have been updating, but the problem is that it is difficult for us to support the article if it needs to be updated repeatedly since we need to review every time you update. That is what CC is trying to say, I believe. This will definitely slow down, if not halt, the review process, especially since there is a possibility that Draco will continue appearing in the Monster story arc. This is simply something that we want you to be aware of. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 16:00, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm Ok with that. It's not like this article is going to pass before Monster is over, anyway. Menkooroo 16:21, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Shasa

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Started off as a baddie, but then was redeemed by Revan. Still falls under "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR", making in Part 5. Also first alien and female character nom. Killing two birds with one stone&hellip;

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yay! Selkath Force adept charismatic leader! Now with scism! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:15, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Skippy has something to say:
 * 2) * Hist: Shasa and several other youths were tricked into joining Manaan's Sith Embassy after an Iridonian mercenary, who was hired by the Sith, lured the youth in the Sith's Embassy Let me see: The Iridonian merc lured Sasha and other youth into the Embassy. So this did not happen before Sasha and the youth were tricked into the Embassy because it's the same event. Maybe I'm wrong but, could you please reword this?
 * 3) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *<S>Hist: Galas first mention is when he wants to leave the Sith. Please, mention him before this point - specifically, mention Galas when talking about Shasa's childhood, and talk about the token that Revan would use as a proof. Chronologically, the history could use an autonomous paragraph about her childhood.
 * 5) **I did expand it to three parargaphs, rather than two. Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * Hist: Did Galas join when Sasha did, or before her, or after her? Mention Galas whenever he joins the Sith.
 * 7) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Hist: The Sith told Sasha that she and the Selkath could leave whenever they wanted to, but it was a lie. Galas tried to leave. The Sith killed him and told Sasha he had gone. This is important in her history.
 * 9) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * Hist: I remember the game. If Revan canonically entered the Embassy on behalf of Shaelas, then Shaelas actively looked for help for his daughter. This is, I think, important enough to be mentioned: Shaelas was worried about Shasa.
 * 11) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * Hist/Legacy: I think some of the articles by Wizards talk about the Selkath having a greater % of Force-sensitive individuals than other species; this should be mentioned when Sasha feels that "Force-sensitive Selkath needed proper training"
 * 13) **I'l look into it. The only thing that come close to what you're saying is in Part 3 of Manaan: Depths of History. It says, "Considering the small population of natives left on the planet, they have discovered a surprising number of candidates, which serves to reinforce the Order's belief that the Selkath have been chosen by the Force for greatness." Should I add this info?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * P&T: However, she sought advice from a Jedi she trusted or from a Force-based tradition with a good reputation, such as the Jal Shey, if darksiders started to advance through her Order's ranks or influenced new members of the Order. Did she? I seem to remember the OS said she could resort to the other traditions if she needed help, as a hook for RPG adventures, but I don't remember a specific precedent of her really resorting to the Jal Shey.
 * 15) **Yes, the KotOR Campaign Guide states this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * P&A: No way. She did not sense the call of her ancestors (the people she descended from), but a power called Call of the Progenitor, named after a local beast that the Selkath believed to be their evolutive forefather &mdash; something that, as far as I know, canon has neither confirmed or refuted. Besides, this power is only Christened after the Progenitor, and it could be unrelated to him in a strict way. Reword, and context for Progenitor.
 * 17) **The information on the article was based off the description for the power in the KotOR campaign guide. The web enchacement for the guide which gives more details on Shasa also says she used "Progenitor's Call".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:58, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Except for that little things, great article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:09, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thanks for the review, Farl.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Uthar Wynn

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Part 6 of "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR".

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, November 25, 2009 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Skippy has something to say here, too
 * 2) * Footnote 6 (first of BtS) gives some strange error.
 * 3) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) * a "full" Sith. "Inverted commas" are not liked in FA's; could you replace them? If it's a direct quotation, you could say "becoming what Wynn called a full Sith"; otherwise, they must be removed altogether.
 * 5) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * to kill Selene, the woman that accompanied Dustil at the Academy. Selene has been given context before; you can remove the last part.
 * 7) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * Unfortunately for Wynn, Revan sided with Ban, having befriended her. Enraged, Wynn went on the attack Again: You've just said that they were friends. Besides: "the" attack? What attack? "Sided with Ban" can easily be understood as merely not attacking her and walking to her side; you should specify whether Revan and/or Ban initiated an attack against Wynn.
 * 9) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) * P&T: I guess we do not know when did Wynn tattoo himself: Before becoming headmaster, as a consequence of it...
 * 11) **No, nothing is known about this&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * P&T: First mention to Thalia May and the renegade students. Shouldn't they be mentioned in the Bio? Same for the rogue assassin droid.
 * 13) **I don't know. If I add these instances, I have to add every quest that Revan undertook on Korriban, for 100% game completion. These are relevant in the P&T section, since it explains how Wynn is gullible. Please advise.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:53, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:51, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) *No more to come. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:11, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Cylka's first look:
 * 17) * In the Jedi Civil War's final year, the Jedi Padawan traveled to Korriban - You need to state who this Jedi Padawan is in the intro. It seems to me that you are missing a sentence or two here.
 * 18) **Please try it. Can't believe this escaped my notice for so long.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:16, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) * I believe that you should add in the GameLSmechanics template since a player does not need to complete either the Thalia May or droid quest to gain enough prestige. This may mean that you will need to rework the section involving the tasks Revan needed to complete in order to gain prestige. There were quite a few of them. Also the template is needed for Ban's return to the Jedi Order.
 * 20) **True. Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:16, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * I think that it would be a good idea to somehow incorporate what Wynn said to each of the hopefuls at the very beginning, when he met them. It would give more depth to his character.
 * 22) **Added a little to the JCW section and more to the P&T.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * I also think that you need to add information from the Double-cross and Double-double-cross quests. This is importsnt in order to show how Wynn planned on disposing of Ban and also why he was weakened during the fight with Ban and Revan.
 * 24) **Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) * It would be a good idea to add in that Revan's tasks in Sadow's tomb were to be his "final exam." Also, if I remember correctly, Wynn talks a bit at that time and that may be something else that would give a bit more depth to his character.
 * 26) **Got the final exam, will re-read the dialogue files and add as needed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:16, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) ***I think it's good, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * Please take care of these objections and I'll take another look at the article. So far, so good. I just think it needs to have a bit more information added. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 13:11, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) **I'll scrounge around for more info in the files, please advise if anything else is needed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) Cylka's second look:
 * 31) *In the infobox, were the Sith hopefuls actually considered apprentices? As far as I know, Yuthura Ban was the only real apprentice.
 * 32) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) *Because of his disdain for his father, Onasi became a promising student. - Is this right? Dustil didn't like his father, but was that what drove him to be a promising student?
 * 34) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) *In the Jedi Civil War section I think that you should use Dustil's and Carth's first names since you mention two Onasi men. Just for clarification.
 * 36) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) *This distressed Wynn, who felt that such an emotional entanglement would hinder Onasi's progress. - I don't think it was as much the actual emotional entanglement, as much as that she simply wasn't powerful enough. Please clarify that a little more.
 * 38) **Wynn's datapad actually says that it was Dustil's degree of affection for Selene that was slowing down his training.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 39) *When Wynn welcomed the hopefuls he spoke a little about the dark side he saw in each of them. Maybe you could expand this a little.
 * 40) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) *I think that you need to add in that Revan could only access the Star Map if he was accepted for academy training - in order to give a little more context on why Revan needed to enter the academy in the first place.
 * 42) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) *You need to expand the double-cross section a little bit more - specifically, what was the importance i.e. Revan betrayed Ban to gain a bit more prestige, and then conspired with Ban to weaken Wynn at the final exam. As it stands, the section doesn't explain much. Basically, you want to give context to the section quote.
 * 44) *You need to explain specifically why Wynn gave Revan the tasks to accomplish. And did he give them to Revan only, or all of the hopefuls?
 * 45) **He gave them all these tasks, and he only did it to gain more prestige.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *I would add in a little more about the other tasks that would earn prestige with Wynn - such as the holocron quest with Lashowe. You don't need to detail the quests, just simply their outcome. They are all part of revan's interactions with Wynn.
 * 47) **Added a couple more quests, and Wynn's reactions.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *You should add in a bit more about Wynn's death. He some more dialog during that scene and it would give his character a bit more depth.
 * 49) *The sub-section name "Endgame" sounds a bit too much like game-mechanics. Maybe you could change it to something like "Defeat" or "Death" or something along those lines.
 * 50) **Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) *I would remove the info about the Ebon Hawk since it is not needed. Simply talk about the Exile exploring the Valley of the Dark Lords.
 * 52) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) *I would also suggest that you remove mention of Kreia being Darth Traya. Again, it adds unnecessary information and you would need more context for it. Simply refer to her as Kreia.
 * 54) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) *He was not opposed to slavery; when Revan asked the Sith Master about his companions, Wynn said that Revan's "slaves" were irrelevant - This needs a little bit more context. Maybe add the context in the Bio.
 * 56) **Done, I think.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) *Wynn was reluctant to talk about his past - If I recall, he mentioned something as to why his past was unimportant.
 * 58) **No, he only said that Revan did not need to know any other info.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) *He believed that Naga Sadow was the greatest of Korriban's deceased Dark Lords. - This sentence is sort of tacked onto the end of the paragraph and doesn't really fit well there. Try to place it somewhere else.
 * 60) *The syntax in the Bts doesn't match up. Please look it over.
 * 61) *Take care of these objections and I'll have another look. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 15:40, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Credit goes to Xicer9 for uploading the audio files in the article. Thanks, man.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * I would like to ask why the references to the CSWE keep changing. I think it's essential to list the fact that there is an entry on a character, such as Wynn, in the references, rather than just sourcing it to the CSWE itself. Is it really a big deal to have the reference say ?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:18, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Also, sometimes the entry's name differs from the subject. For example, HK-47's entry it listed as "HK-47 droid, Traavis is listed as "Traavis, General", Karath is listed as "Karath, Admiral Saul", etc.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:22, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Sha Koon

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A short break from "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". This was fun to work on&hellip;

(4 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) —Tommy 9281  Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:37, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 18:37, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:18, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:02, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Great article.--Loneshark1138 Incom.svg(Comlink Active) 11:47, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Xd
 * 2) * You say that the battle of the planet Bal'demnic take place in 19 BBY, and you source it to the databank entry. I read it through, and there's no mention of the year. -- Xd1358  Talk 17:55, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **<Slaps head> No source anywhere for the date. Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:16, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) An image of her death may work --Sean Red 15:12, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *I don't know about that, is that really necessary?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:50, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Not a death image, but please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:23, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Nice.--Sean Red 14:34, January 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ****I'd like to point out to the Inqs that this objection has been taken care of. The objecting user has not been on the site since January 3rd, and his last post here indicates that he felt the objection was taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:31, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Blacklist:
 * 10) * "In 44 BBY, during the Stark Hyperspace War, Sha Koon was at the Jedi Temple when her uncle Plo Koon, who possessed a telepathic bond with Sha, contacted her from the planet Troiken." What does Plo Koon contacting Sha have to do with (a) the Stark Hyperspace War, and (b) him being on the planet Troiken? There seems to be several important pieces of context missing from here.
 * 11) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:22, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) * You go on to say that she told Saldith who wanted her to tell Mace and the Council. Because you don't specify why Plo contacted Sha, this doesn't make much sense.
 * 13) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:22, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *"The Council joined their minds with Sha Koon and Iktotchi Jedi Master Saesee Tiin and came up with a plan to bring an end to the conflict." Two things:
 * 15) ** Was Saesee Tiin not a member of the Council?
 * 16) ***Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****You've given enough context now that I removed the mention of Saesee, because if he's a part of the Council, you don't need to mention him unless you give further context on him (I'm assuming it would be his telepathic abilities) which would then be quite unwieldy. —Tommy 9281  Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:37, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ** I imagine you're talking about the SHW as "the conflict", but because the previous few sentences are lacking some sort of context as to what's going on, this kinda smacks the reader in the face as an unrelated topic.
 * 19) ***Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:22, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * "After Koon passed the trials necessary to become a Jedi Knight, the Padawan Baylis Archan, who was born on Corellia, was assigned to her." This has nothing to do with the preceding topics, and should therefore be placed elsewhere in the article.
 * 21) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Shortly after the death of CIS Head of State Count Dooku during the Battle of Coruscant, Plo Koon assigned Sha to search the Jedi Archives for any leads regarding the Sith Lord that Dooku claimed was controlling the Senate." Again, this sentence has nothing to do with the preceding topic, so perhaps some sort of time marker would make it seem less like you are just jumping from idea to idea.
 * 23) * "Koon awoke to find members of the 501st clone trooper legion executing Order 66&mdash;Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's directive to all clone troopers to eliminate the Jedi&mdash;and attacking the Jedi Temple." The attack that Sha Koon awoke to witness was actually Operation: Knightfall. In the last sentence of the previous paragraph, you should state that Plo Koon's death was a result of Order 66.
 * 24) **I think this is taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) * In the last paragraph of The Clone Wars section, you use "clone trooper" or "trooper" five times in five sentences. Please rework this.
 * 26) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) *That's all, not bad. —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair )
 * 28) **Thank you for the review, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:44, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) Attack of the Clone
 * 30) * Please limit your excessive use of "return" in the intro.
 * 31) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) * "and escaped the attack on the Jedi Temple, which was led by Anakin Skywalker, who was now the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader": please smooth out this choppy, rough, and extraneous context. I doubt you even have to mention the Skywalker part.
 * 33) **Now that I think about it, you're right. The fact he was Skywalker does not bear any relevance to the intro. Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) * Seconds to Die is not a source for the fact that she was born on Dorin. Home planet ≠ birth world.
 * 35) **Got it. Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * "She informed the Council of this along with her Master Saldith, who felt it best to come to Jedi Master Mace Windu and the Council on this matter." Overall, the majority of the wording in this sentence is unclear and rather awkward. Please try to reword somehow.
 * 37) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:24, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * Where is this Battle of Giju name coming from? If it's not official, then it can't be used. Please source it.
 * 39) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * The Databank entry for Bal'demnic is not a source for Koon's training of Archan.
 * 41) **Don't know how I missed that one. Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * For what reason did Koon refuse Nu's help?
 * 43) **This one still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ***In the comic, Nu says, "If you would tell me what you are looking for, Master Sha, I might be able to help you find it.", to which Koon says, "What I look for, Master Nu, may not be in the lines but between them." I'm not sure exactly how to word this?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:14, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****"She refused Nu's help because she believed that the librarian would be unable to help her"?  CC7567  (talk) 23:14, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *****That sounds good, thanks for the help. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:39, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * Can the fact that Rayce was friends with Koon and showed her the passageways be mentioned any earlier?
 * 48) **I really don't think so, there's no telling when Nu took Rayce as a Padawan.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ***The placement of the first part is fine, but that of the second is still a little shaky. I'm sure that you can merge them together somehow for coherency.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:35, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) *I have to stop now and continue later due to time constraints. Please continue to watch your linking; anything less than acceptable shouldn't be acceptable to you.  CC7567  (talk) 19:23, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * Is there any hope for a better infobox image that will actually fit the proper size? I'd recommend asking one of our image gurus for assistance if you are unable to do so.
 * 53) **Eh, I really don't think so. I'll look in the comic for a better image. Mauser is currently banned, and a couple of the do not own the comic, so I'll have to ask around.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Looked in the comic, and the current image is really the best one we've got. What do you mean by fitting the image?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:59, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****One that is actually big and good enough to fit the 250px infobox width. And not to put him down, but Mauser isn't the only image expert here.  CC7567  (talk) 21:57, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) *****Got it, I'll ask them to see if they can do it. If they can't, there really aren't any other options.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:51, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) ******OK, JMAS fixed it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * Is it "Jedi Temple Underlevels" or "Jedi Temple underlevels"? Consistency is an important part of writing.
 * 59) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * "Sha Koon was a Kel Dor female who was born into the Koon family." I'm unsure how this repetitive information is relevant to the P&T.
 * 61) **Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) * Can Koon's telepathic powers be clarified early on in the bio, preferably before she uses them during the Stark Hyperspace War?
 * 63) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) * Likewise, please clarify that Archan possessed telepathic abilities in the Bio. It's relevant.
 * 65) **Please try it.Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) * "Before Koon confronted Vader underneath the Jedi Temple, the Sith Lord told her that she was the last Jedi." How does this reflect on Koon's P&T?
 * 67) **It's relevant because she felt that she was the last Jedi, and would be the only resistance to Vader.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ***Is there a reason that it's only mentioned in the P&T, then? If it's important enough to be in the P&T, I don't see why it shouldn't be in the Bio as well.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) *****"After Vader remarked that Koon was the last Jedi": Kasra, if you use this reference, you still need to clarify in the article why it's relevant to Koon and why this mattered to her. Consistency is your friend.  CC7567  (talk) 23:14, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ******Is this what you're looking for?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:19, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) * "and used a lightsaber containing a green crystal": any reason that this is in the P&T and not the P&A?
 * 73) **I usually stick the lightsaber and color in the P&T, while I stick their skills with it in the P&A.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) ***A habit isn't an explanation. I'd like to hear the clarification from you.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****I don't think the color of the lightsaber has relevance to the P&A section, since the section is about her abilities with it. To me, saying it was green while citing her abilities with it is not necessary.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) * Please be consistent in your usage of "Koon" vs. "Sha." I understand the issue with Plo Koon sharing her surname, but if you use "Koon" throughout the article, Sha&mdash;as the subject of the article&mdash;naturally takes precedence and should therefore not cause excessive confusion.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) * "Near the end of the Stark Hyperspace War, Plo Koon was able to contact Sha all the way from the planet Troiken while Sha was on Coruscant." This needs to be rephrased to reflect on Koon, not her uncle.
 * 79) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) * "She utilized the ability to push her enemies away with the Force." Physically? Mentally? Please elaborate.
 * 81) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) *I will be going through this article once more to ensure optimal quality after you fix these objections. Also, it very much seems that, for whatever reason, you didn't proofread your changes properly when addressing the first review; the fact that I had to correct most of your changes is a testament to that. I'd recommend that you try to proofread more carefully in the future, as the standards that you set and aim for have to be your own, not mine or those of the Inqs.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) **Yeah, sorry about that. I'll try not to let it happen again.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) * Can her telepathic abilities be mentioned anywhere in the intro?
 * 85) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) * Can some sort of time marker be established from the beginning of the Bio?
 * 87) **What do you mean?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) ***Exactly what it sounds like&mdash;something to indicate some sort of date for her birth, such as "in the last decades of the Republic" or something more creative that you might think of.  CC7567  (talk) 20:16, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) ****Got it, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 90) * Please check the P&T and P&A against the Bio to make sure that the latter implements all relevant information necessary to her life.
 * 91) **I think I got it all, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:33, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) * Please clarify what the definition of "training" is&mdash;the comic doesn't seem to clarify that she had to complete her training before being assigned to Saldith.
 * 93) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) * Why were Plo Koon and the others on Troiken?
 * 95) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:05, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) * "Saldith told Jedi Master Mace Windu that he had felt it best to come to Windu and the Council on this matter." Is there any way that you can reword this so that it sounds more relevant to Koon? The current wording gives the impression that the reader doesn't necessarily need to know this.
 * 97) **Please try it, it is relevant to Koon, but really don't know how else I could word it to make it sound more relevant.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:33, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) * Please clarify where it's stated that she was a General. That Databank entry doesn't confirm that.
 * 99) **Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 100) * Please limit the use of "forced" in the Clone Wars section.
 * 101) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:17, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) * Can the "Confronting Darth Vader" quote be employed in any way toward her P&T and her views on Vader?
 * 103) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 104) ***I was referring more to the part that contains "Killer of younglings. Betrayer of friends. Destroyer of the Jedi to whom you claimed allegiance. Animal. I have longed for this day." instead of an addition that looks like it was copied straight from the Bio. Please reword and include anything from that quote that may be relevant.  CC7567  (talk) 22:53, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) ****Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 106) * Why was Koon so surprised to recognize Vader? (You might want to clarify his physical appearance during their confrontation, as she wasn't witness to his injuries like Kenobi was.)
 * 107) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 108) * Is it "holocom" or "holocomm"?
 * 109) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) * "As the creatures attacked the Dark Lord, Koon explained that they were easily controlled by the Force." I'm assuming that Animal friendship can be linked here; however, please clarify this.
 * 111) **Yeah, I guess it was animal friendship. Linked.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 112) * Can you better clarify why Koon had to wear a breath mask instead of simply referencing her species, which isn't very clear?
 * 113) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * Is her inclusion in Jedi vs. Sith at all enough to warrant a Legacy section?
 * 115) **I really don't think so. Plo Koon only mentions her in an entry on Force lightning in "Jedi vs Sith".
 * 116) *That's all from me.  CC7567  (talk) 04:54, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) **Thanks for the review, CC!-Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:27, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) * "When her uncle came to Dorin to take her to the Jedi Temple, Koon knew why he had come for her without a word being said." I think you might have misinterpreted my request to check the P&T and P&A against the Bio&mdash;please clarify how this is relevant to the P&T, as I can't see why it is.  CC7567  (talk) 22:53, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) **I removed that bit.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:26, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) I think you need to mention in the Bio that she didn't want to fight anymore after the death of her Padawan.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:10, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) *Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 123) * Early life and Jedi training: "Because of her bond with her uncle, Koon understood the reason for his arrival without having to even ask him." You haven't actually said what his reason was yet, other than taking her to Coruscant. It's in the next sentence but it would read better if mentioned here or the previous sentence.
 * 124) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:26, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) * Powers and abilities doesn't seem to flow quite right. First paragraph is about telepathy except for the last sentence. Second paragraph starts with telepathy and then moves on to other abilities. It might read better if you put the first sentence from the second paragraph at the end of the first and last sentence of the first paragraph to end of the second, since it follows on from Vader getting the upper hand. Or any other way you can make it read better. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:08, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) **Please try it. Thanks for the review, GT.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:26, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) **Please try it. Thanks for the review, GT.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:26, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Perhaps move the "Dark Times" and the P&T both one paragraph lower? -- Xd1358  Talk 19:40, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Could you explain? You mean move the images, right?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:49, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Oh God, of course I mean, I'm just experiencing writing problems :P It looks better now. -- Xd1358  Talk 19:58, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:03, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Vote to strike objection by Sean Red (Inq only)

 * 1) Per nominator's request. Objection appears to be resolved, though objector failed to strike. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 06:08, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 06:15, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:35, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:16, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Battle of Koros Major

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:27, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,059 words. Not actually a whole lot of info about the battle at large, just about the Daragons.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Pasta bowl
 * 2) * No sources? See Kirrek, as well. There's information in The Essential Chronology, The New Essential Chronology, Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force, The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia, Tales of the Jedi Companion (I believe), and the Atlas. If you need help, let me know. These need to be listed as there is information there that is significant. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:20, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) Blacklist:
 * 5) * "Without their commander, the Sith lost the battle." Who was the commander?
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * You state that Jori warned Teta about the "Sith threat." What prompted her to believe the Sith even posed such a threat?
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) * Like with the Koros army, some sort of article needs to be created to reflect the armies of Naga Sadow.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) *I honestly think that the first part of the Prelude section should be rewritten to reflect more on the events that transpired immediately before the battle, as opposed telling about what led up to the entire Great Hyperspace War. There are too many broad statements given in its current state that would require you to provide context on much of what you have stated.
 * 12) **I disagree. The Battle of Koros Major was, along with the battle at Coruscant, the first battle in the war, and the initial invasion force came out of hyperspace above Koros Major. Therefore, I think that the prelude section should include the leadup to the invasion itself.
 * 13) ***It can still be written on such a way that it doesn't seem like the prelude to the Great Hyperspace War.
 * 14) ****Eh, all right. How should I go about this? Should I cut down the first paragraph and possibly merge them together?
 * 15) *****This is currently your project, you'll need to figure it out.
 * 16) ******Fixed.
 * 17) *Your underlinking knows no bounds.
 * 18) * I'd prefer a more situation-appropriate image for the prelude than the one you currently have of Teta.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) *More to come. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * No quotes at all? Not even a lead quote?
 * 22) **Bah bah bah bah bah. I totally forgot to add quotes. My bad. Added.
 * 23) * Why is Aarrba listed as a casualty? He didn't participate in the battle.
 * 24) **Moved to "Civilian casualties".
 * 25) *These two links have since become obsolete.
 * 26) *"Daragon returned to his flagship and abandoned the battlefield of Koros Major to confront Naga Sadow." Why did he want to confron Naga Sadow?
 * 27) *The beginning of the "Aftermath" section goes directly into Gav Daragon at apparent odds with Naga Sadow, but you give no context as to why or how this happened. —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:35, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) Double-pasta-checking: Is there anything in Crosscurrent or the Lost Tribe of the Sith series on this battle? They have information on other battles from that war. Please double check. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:09, February 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) *Addressed.
 * 30) **As I look through Crosscurrent I can't help but notice that this is not the same battle which Saes Rrogon's shipment of lignan ore was supposed to be delivered to. —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 23:20, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I've already had to make a decent amount of adjustments to this article concerning things that you, as its nominator, should have taken care of prior to its nomination. And there are still more that need to be made. If I end up having to make any more of the necessary changes myself, I'll also be claiming this article as one of my own. —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 04:57, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

Svivreni

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:45, November 30, 2009 (UTC) &mdash; WP:AS
 * Nomination comments: West End Games wanted the Svivreni in their Star Wars RPG to be like the dwarves in Surgeons & Dragons, &#91;source?&#93; by giving the former many features of the later; however, the Svivreni never really catched on the role-playing audience. &#91;source?&#93;

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Should be the pack mule of every RPG party. ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 11:37, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer:
 * 2) * As a preliminary objection, can you add some subsections to the S&C and History sections? Ideally, I'd also like to see a couple of the "Distinctions" removed from the infobox; "sturdy", for instance. --Eyrezer 11:07, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Have a look. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:43, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Have a look again. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:38, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 6) * On a first look, I think your lead section needs to be beefed up quite a bit. I'd say it should probably be about twice the size it is now, roughly. You could do with three paragraphs or two long ones, but there should be a few more lines about their society and culture, for example, and a more beefed up summary of their history. I'll get to the rest in the next couple days! ~ SavageBob 16:30, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) **Enough?
 * 8) ***I could see it being a bit longer, but it's in the ballpark now. :) ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * OK, more now. I think the "distinctions" field of the infobox should be reserved for features that set a species apart from the majority of other aliens in the SW universe. If that's the case, I don't think their hands are unusual enough to qualify.
 * 10) **Done.
 * 11) *** OK. Consider possibly adding their manes into the "distinctions" field, as that is something that someone would likely use to identify one of these guys in a spaceport or crowded market (this is just a suggestion, and not an objection). ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Done.
 * 13) * I think evolutionary history (the first paragraph of "Biology and appearance") belongs under "History" instead. Well, it belongs in both places: Under "B&A", you should explain that they are adapted to their climate, and in "History" you should explain how they evolved.
 * 14) **Done.
 * 15) *** Looks good, but be sure to mention their "suppleness" (using a synonym) somewhere in "Biology and appearance," though. ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Resilience upon Thesaurus.
 * 17) * Can you explain "sturdy complexion"? The term brings to my mind their skin, but I don't think that's what's intended.
 * 18) **Replaced by "stout".
 * 19) * The convulsing of their ears -- is this voluntary or involuntary? It might fit better under "Society and culture" when you talk about their language.
 * 20) **OS does not specify 100% but I think it's involuntary and as such a biological aspect more than a cultural one. Done nothing
 * 21) * Do they tie their hair into a ponytail or do they braid it?
 * 22) **Damn inexact Thesaurus. Tied in ponytail; "braid" replaced with "hairstyle".
 * 23) * Similar to above, the reason why they evolved to be stubborn is perhaps better moved to "History."
 * 24) **Done.
 * 25) * Can you explain what it means to be "one of the hardests"? What is a "hardest?"
 * 26) **The hardest mineralogists ever. Changed.
 * 27) *** It's still a bit confusing; does the OS use "hardest?" Usually, people (and sentient aliens) would be described as "toughest," perhaps. ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ****Replaced by toughest, OS says hardest.
 * 29) * Can you explain what you mean by "the greatest available class?"
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) *** Better. Perhaps replace "best technology" with "state-of-the-art technology" or just say a "state-of-the-art spaceport"? ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ****Replaced.
 * 33) * Language, customary greetings, and naming conventions might fit well together.
 * 34) **Joined in "Linguistic traits", as they cover phonology, semantics and lexis respectively.
 * 35) * Try to avoid one-paragraph subsections. I'm not sure "aesthetics" needs its own section since it's so short. I'm up through "Society and culture"; will get to the rest soon! ~ SavageBob 18:57, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) **"Aesthetics" moved to "social behavior".
 * 37) * The final paragraph of "Behind the scenes" is interesting but confusing. Can you go into more detail about the size discrepancy between sources and how WOTC resolved it? Right now, the article mentions the solution, but it doesn't explain what it was. ~ SavageBob 21:17, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Expanded. Hope you like it, hope people unfamiliar with the RPG can follow it.
 * 39) * I'm not sure I get the connection between the Svivreni turning Svivren into a trading post with the presence of Svivreni traders offworld (from "Svivreni in the galaxy").
 * 40) **Clarified (I hope).
 * 41) * The paragraph about criminals avoiding Svivren and the New Republic using it would fit better under "History" rather than "Svivren in the galaxy" since it says nothing about Svivren offworld. I'll get to "History" next! ~ SavageBob 23:52, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) **Done. Yay! Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:43, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***Looking good! I still need to read through "History," so I'll try to do so soon! ~ SavageBob 16:24, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * OK, "History": The stuff about Senator Sauro seems to in there twice. Can you consolidate?
 * 45) **Done.
 * 46) * There are a few of points that seem pertinent to Svivren the planet, but not necessarily the Svivreni species. I'm thinking specifically about the Mara Jade, Garm Bel Iblis, and Talon Karrde visits, and the attitude of New Republic pilots to the planet post-Thrawn. Maybe these bits should be cut, since they don't seem to pertain to this article?
 * 47) **Garm's visit cut; others I think it's important: MJ's visit led to the battle; Karrde explains the importance of Svivreni as traders; pilots, partly cut, but keep about Svivreni welcoming them when most people didn't. Fine with you?
 * 48) * The section about after the New Republic is so short that perhaps it should be collapsed up into the previous section, which could be retitled accordingly.
 * 49) **Done.
 * 50) * There should be more info that can be gleaned from the Essential Atlas; when the area was first well-explored by the Republic, etc. That's it! Nice work! ~ SavageBob 21:58, December 19, 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) * OK, that's not it. A bit more! Is the "quinoid" of the infobox supposed to be "equinoid"?
 * 52) **Typo. Done.
 * 53) * Does WOTC provide age ranges for their childhood, adolescence, adulthood, etc.? If so, this should be included in the article.
 * 54) **Done, forgot to specify till now; just to not have objections unstroken.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 22:18, January 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * I think the captions of the article are too terse. Can you expand them to full sentences that explain something from the article? For example, rather than labeling the first image "A Svivreni," make it a sentence about their clothing, or their manes, or their height.
 * 56) **Done.
 * 57) * In the first paragraph of "Social behavior," you seem to be repeating the information that they forbid weapons on their world in the first two sentences. One could be scrapped.
 * 58) **Done.
 * 59) * The fact that they can snort, while worth noting, should probably be moved somewhere else. Perhaps "Biology and appearance," when you talk about their snout? Or does the original source indicate that the snorting is part of their language?
 * 60) **Done.
 * 61) * "Jade then left the planet among the remains of the battle." Can you explain what you mean? I'm picturing the planet surrounded by debris or something.
 * 62) **Have a look; the "battle" was little more than an arrest-gone-really-wrong; maybe
 * 63) * The Svivreni resistance and Battle of Svivren (or Siege of Svivren) should get articles (from "The New Republic" section).
 * 64) **Added three stubs. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:38, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 65) * Can you include the author of Jedi Quest: The School of Fear as you do for The Last Command (from "Behind the scenes")?
 * 66) **Done; one of the main reasons I've done this, after all.
 * 67) * The compromise from WOTC's website: I understand that it treats them as medium-sized characters for equipment and encumbrance purposes, but does it treat them as small for dodging/targeting purposes? If so, this should be spelled out just a bit more clearly in the final sentence of the article. ~ SavageBob 20:47, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) **Have a look.
 * 69) * OK, last few items! I think it's too much to describe Tyro Caladian so much under "Biology and appearance." The fact that he's a young adult is probably enough to mention (thus deleting the stuff about his career).
 * 70) **Done.
 * 71) * Under "Social behavior," you seem to mention that weapons are forbidden in both of the first two sentences.
 * 72) **Uh? It's a long sentence with three footnotes to specify all the known details, but it is one sentence.
 * 73) ***Hmm. Not sure what I had in mind! ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 74) * Finally, can you indicate what year it was that we got to see our first depiction of Svivreni (from "Behind the scenes")? ~ SavageBob 04:59, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) **Added the book it's from; it's year had been already added. Btw, hope you liked the article. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:38, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 76) ***Most definitely! I think this is your best species nom to date. ~ SavageBob 15:50, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) Eyrezer:
 * 78) * According to the Online Appendix of the Atlas, Svivren is in the Svivreni sector, not Seswenna. --Eyrezer 11:11, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) **Changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:21, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) * A mention of the Svivren Xenomineralogy Institute from the GATOR entry on Nirasik would be appropriate. --Eyrezer 11:50, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) **Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:59, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) * The Atlas, page 200 gives an actual day for the Thrawn attack on Svivren. Can you add this in? --Eyrezer 04:25, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) **You mean "on 44:7:24 of 4 ABY"? Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 18:26, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) * It seems like there could be more about Senator Sano Sauro. Can you expand this section with more detail?
 * 85) **Can't. OS doesn't expand. It's just Tyro mentioning Sauro's activities in Svivren in passing &mdash. I could add that, years later that, Sauro collaborated with Granta Omega and Bog Divinian and was opposed by Kenobi, the Caladians and Ferus Olin, but that's off-topic here. Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:48, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) ***I might investigate the wording of the original source myself then. Will get back to this one. --Eyrezer 11:03, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) * The first paragraph "After the battle of Endor" seems like it would be more appropriate in the Svivreni in the galaxy section. Can you move and integrate it there? --Eyrezer 10:41, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:48, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * Could you add a paragraph to the intro on some of the notable Svivreni individuals?
 * 90) **Added.
 * 91) * Can you add more detail on some of the individual Svivreni in the Svivreni in the galaxy section? I see from your Spanish site that there is significantly more info on the Caladian cousins, at the least. --Eyrezer 05:09, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) **There's no really that much on anyone but the Caladians; added to them. I expanded Tyro's article, but that info is mostly irrelevant for this one. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:41, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) ***Is it possible to add a bit more on Nirasik? THe line you added to the intro is new info to the article in pointing out that he raised worker standards. --Eyrezer 22:29, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) ****Have a look. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:47, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) *****And now just a little bit more on Torsteen. --Eyrezer 22:26, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ******Like this?Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:28, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) Stuff:
 * 98) *"The Svivreni had the Svivren Xenomineralogy Institute" This doesn’t flow well with previous sentence. Please reword, or maybe even start a new paragraph.
 * 99) *Also, "Old Republic era" is OOU.
 * 100) *Since you source everything else to chapter, you need to do the same with Specter of the Past.
 * 101) *Also, your linking was quite lacking. Please watch out for this in the future.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:55, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) **All done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:39, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Rugosa

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 01:45, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A GA tipped over 1k by Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Official Episode Guide: Season 1

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:17, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Cool planet moon. ~ SavageBob 00:04, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) *Well, actually it's a moon. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 02:58, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 11:54, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:17, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:47, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * "After five thousand years of galactic dominance, plague caused the collapse of the Infinite Empire and eventually the end of their presence on the moon." Sort of confusing when you say "their" as opposed to "its" since you're talking about an organization. Due to TEA, wouldn't the Rakata dominate Rugosa? Therefore, you possibly could replace Infinite Empire with Rakata, and leave "their".
 * 3) * "However, this plan was intercepted by a Confederacy of Independent Systems listening post on the Mid Rim world of Ruusan, and reported to the Confederacy leader Count Dooku." Their was no listening post in the planet of Ruusan IIRC. Their was, however, a listening post in Ruusan's moon, Ruusan 2.
 * 4) *A very good read, Ey. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 23:36, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thanks for the review, Jang. Both should hopefully be addressed now. --Eyrezer 02:09, December 12, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The clone
 * 7) * Can you expand the Mission to Rugosa content at all? The level of detail is rather inadequate at the moment, as a whole episode was dedicated to it. While I'm not looking for a length to rival that of the article, it could really use some expansion.
 * 8) **Sure, will do so. --Eyrezer 11:00, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) ***How about now? (Just in the nick of time) --Eyrezer 09:49, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) * The episode is not a source for the Separatists' interception of the transmission.
 * 11) **I never referenced it to the Episode, but rather to the Databank entry... I've modified it anyway. --Eyrezer 11:00, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *More to come after these have been fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 08:07, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) * Needs to conform to the Manual of Style as far as capitalization goes.
 * 14) **I'm actually not sure what you are referring to here. The only thing I thought you might be referring to was the Assault Tank, which I've decapitalized, but I couldn't detect any problems with the ranks and titles. If I've still missed it, can you point it out?
 * 15) ***Mainly "king," which is basically the only title you use most throughout the article.  CC7567  (talk) 05:44, February 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Hopefully that should do it. --Eyrezer 06:07, February 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) * Context on 224.
 * 18) **Context added.
 * 19) *I frankly feel that your TCW expansion was made more out of time constraints than anything else. There are a lot of little errors here and there (erroneous comma usage and "compliment" instead of "complement," to name a few) that make me unsure if this is the best you believe that you can do. Please try to proofread your update and try to catch these things.  CC7567  (talk) 20:07, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **I've gone back over it and cleaned up a few points. Again, I'm sorry to say I'm not sure of the specific comma problems, but the complement error has been cleaned up. --Eyrezer 05:39, February 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Farlstendoiro is glad to see you back
 * 22) * Any approximate date (or even century) for the Hutt plague?
 * 23) **The only information that the source directly provides is "centuries before the Clone Wars," which is hardly enough to infer even an approximate date.  CC7567  (talk) 20:07, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * Contex for "the last rocket"
 * 25) **Added in a bit earlier about depleted munitions.
 * 26) * Do we really need a description of the Rakata? Particularly considering that it does not describe their relationship with the planet (Unlike the Toydarians, who fly in the atmosphere of Rugosa)
 * 27) **I've only really devoted one sentence to describing them, which I don't think is extravagant.
 * 28) * The artist Russell Chong (...) was himself a scuba diver You mean he is no longer a scuba diver? If that's the case, I think you should write "was a scuba diver at that time"; otherwise "is a scuba diver" would be correct &mdash; We're not talking about a long time ago in BtS.
 * 29) **Modified.
 * 30) * Several sources (including many Databank entries) do not appear as footnotes in the article. Are you sure you can't reference anything with them?
 * 31) **None of them contribute any information that is not covered by other sources...
 * 32) *As an in-joke, Spanish-English dictionary: "Rugosa: (adjective) rough" Don't even try to add that to the article! ·:P Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:02, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) Attack II
 * 34) *Why did Katuunko wish to negotiate with the Republic?
 * 35) * "After these three encounters": what three encounters? You imply that you've mentioned this before but you haven't. Please clarify.
 * 36) **Should be addressed.
 * 37) * I'm sure you can name the clone troopers much earlier in the article&mdash;say, when they're first mentioned?
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) *"Attempting to go back on her deal, Ventress was ordered by Dooku via hologram to kill Katuunko." How so? How does Ventress attempt to do something while she's being ordered to do it?
 * 40) *I'll get through the rest later. Overall, the main issue I'm noticing is coherency with the TCW storyline. Please try to watch the episode again to make sure that you have all the necessary detail in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 19:08, February 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Ganner Krieg

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 07:00, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ganner? I barely know her.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Kreig's my favorite Imp. Knight, next to Treis Sinde.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:00, December 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era.
 * Updated for Issue 43 of Legacy. Menkooroo 13:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * And for Issue 45. Menkooroo 13:02, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Battle of Khorm

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:04, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This one has been sitting on my back for a very long time, but finally it's done. The longest TCW comic battle article (and my own FAN) so far.

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) --ARC-Captain Fordo 21:23, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Kreivi Wolter 11:16, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Okay, but I believe Wolffe is important enough. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:22, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) (Belated) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * "Asajj Ventress tracked and ambushed the remaining two Jedi and their team but did not kill them, as she was recalled back to the processing facility; Ozzel and the clones had escaped." Can you smooth this out somehow? It's rather unclear why the two clauses are linked together.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * "Adaroo promised his new allies to show a weakness in Gout's lines": please check this; it's not very clear.
 * 5) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 21:40, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***I was referring to the "to show", which ends abruptly without a direct object&mdash;"show" is a transitive verb. Who or what did Adaroo show the weakness to?  CC7567  (talk) 05:02, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) *Fairly good so far. Will continue with "Turning the tide" soon.  CC7567  (talk) 08:26, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * "Koon decided to liberate them before attacking and ordered to contact Ozzel and tell him to delay his assault": again, same verb problem. Who did Koon order?
 * 9) * If you use a character's full name once when you first mention him/her, chances are that you won't have to use the full name again. I've corrected all instances, but I'm not sure why this inconsistency is suddenly popping up, as I've never noticed it in your writing. Please take note of this.
 * 10) * Can you please lessen the excessive usages of "plan" throughout the article?
 * 11) *I'll try to make sure to go over the article with you once more after these have been fixed, but please be careful when proofreading. Just about all of the things I corrected in my copy-edit were related to grammar, which I know you can do better on.  CC7567  (talk) 05:02, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) **All have been addressed, I believe. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 16:31, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) Lee's comment
 * 14) * Wollfe should be in the notable participants part.
 * 15) **I thought about including him there, actually, but then I decided against it as the Republic section was already overcrowded compared with the CIS. I can still add him, but I don't think it's that necessary. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 16:31, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) *That's all. Good work. -- Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:35, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) Attack II
 * 18) *"Discovering this, the Jedi decided to free the hostages before initiating a full-scale attack, but Ozzel had already launched an assault by that time." The chronology here is rather confusing and dizzying; please smooth it out.
 * 19) *"As the few remaining troops became surrounded by the droids, Major Ozzel panicked and told Wolffe to signal the Separatists of the Republic's surrender." So did they surrender? How is this relevant? What did Wolffe or Ozzel do? With its current wording, it seems like extraneous and irrelevant information.
 * 20) *"The two Jedi Masters faced off against Ventress and offered her to surrender": very awkward phrasing and grammar.
 * 21) *"Accompanied by her droid commandos, Ventress initiated a search for any survivors and killed those that she found." Specifically survivors of the avalanche? Please clarify.
 * 22) *"Ozzel's decisions turned out for worse for the Republic": rather awkward wording that doesn't really adhere to any common expressions. Please try to reword.
 * 23) *Please decide on the tense in the Bts and use it; the shift isn't working out very well.  CC7567  (talk) 04:18, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Sigel Dare

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 13:55, December 8, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Die in the name of the true Emperor!

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) It is good to see the three main Imp. Knights put for the FA's.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:42, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Part of WookieeProject Legacy Era
 * Updated for Issue 43 of Legacy. Menkooroo 13:35, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * And for Issue 45. Menkooroo 13:03, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Shaela Nuur

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 08:57, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This was one of the first I ever planned to do.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great job, Trayus.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:18, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Looks very good. Keep up the good work, Trayus! --<Font color="SaddleBrown">Jawaman <Font color="SaddleBrown">Want to buy a used droid? 18:14, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:06, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A few for you&hellip;
 * 2) * Please capatilize all instances of "Master".
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * In the third paragraph of the intro, I think it would be good for the Jedi Civil War to be mentioned.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * and he believed her to be his most promising student yet. Is the "yet" necessary?
 * 7) **Not really.
 * 8) * In the second paragraph of "The Great Hunt", can it be mentioned that Duron was a cousin of the former Sith Lord Ulic Qel-Droma? I think it's noteworthy enough to be mentioned.
 * 9) **I think it's useful information, but I'm afraid it would detract from the paragraph's flow and drag the focus away from her a bit much. It also may be confusing after having already stated that Kun was a Sith Lord, and I don't want to have to go into any more history of the Great Sith War if it's not absolutely necessary.
 * 10) ***No problem, I understand.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:18, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * as well as Cale Berkona and an unidentified Cathar Jedi. Please remove the unidentified from here.
 * 12) **Knew I should have taken that out. Done.
 * 13) * Can an article be created for Nuur's datapad? It would be similar to the Calo Nord's datapad article.
 * 14) **I've redlinked it for now. I'll get to making it sometime soon.
 * 15) * In the Categories, is there any source that explicitly states that she was a Jedi Sentinel? You might want to ask around about that. Maybe Leland Chee could answer that.
 * 16) **No source whatsoever. That was just left over from the original article. My bad for not taking it out.
 * 17) *That's it. Impressive work, Trayus, would like to see you nom Qel-Droma and Saresh.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:30, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) **Thank you very much. And I may sometime get to them sometime soon. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 06:16, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) Attack of the Clone
 * 20) * Can the "Tragedy on Korriban" be renamed to a less POV-oriented title?
 * 21) **Done.
 * 22) ***...eh. The inclusion of the "tragedy" part still strikes a small gong inside my head, but I'll let it slide as long as no one else finds an issue with it.  CC7567  (talk) 23:06, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * Please clarify the terentatek/Terentatek capitalization that is a little inconsistent throughout the article.
 * 24) **Done.
 * 25) * Can you clarify whom the Legacy quote is directed at?
 * 26) **Done.
 * 27) *Other than that, nothing that glaringly leaps out to me.  CC7567  (talk) 21:28, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) **Thanks for the review! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 23:00, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) Quick pasta toss:
 * 30) * What is the justification for using the Dark Jedi infobox? It appears from statements in the text that she was either of realization or in the act of redemption when dying. There is far more to support a standard Jedi box than a Dark Jedi box.
 * 31) **In her final lines in Shadows and Light, she renounces the Jedi Order, saying that neither it nor the council matter to her anymore. All that matters is revenge, etc.. Also, apologizing to Ood doesn't really constitute a redemption.
 * 32) ***I will think on this some more and talk to more Inqs, as I see no justification for a "Dark Jedi" rather than one who has fallen away.
 * 33) * Next, what proof is there that the two terentateks that Revan faced were the same two who killed Nuur? What says this in KotOR?
 * 34) **No proof I could find. It's been addressed.
 * 35) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:08, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) **Thanks for the review! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 08:28, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) Main course of pasta:
 * 38) *"Her remains went untouched for decades until they were found forty years later by the amnesiac Dark Lord of the Sith, Revan, during the Jedi Civil War." There is no need to call Revan a Dark Lord of the Sith here. He was redeemed and knowledgeable of his past by this point based upon the canon order for the battles/missions in KotOR. The Leviathan encounter has already happened, for example.
 * 39) **Removed.
 * 40) *"A female Human, Shaela Nuur was born around the era of the Old Sith Wars." Does Shadows and Light explicitly state this, or is this an extrapolation? Depending upon the source, the Old Sith Wars either start 5 or 20 years prior to the Great Hunt.
 * 41) **I didn't like the sentence anyway so I removed the "born" and changed it to "lived during," which can be sourced to the comic, which I've done.
 * 42) *"As a leading participant in the Great Hunt, Nuur developed a strong passion for her work&hellip;" I am most certain this does not come from KotOR, as I cannot find it anywhere in the dialog file.
 * 43) **My mistake, those few sentences are supposed to be sourced to the comic. Fixed.
 * 44) *"Nuur commonly wore&hellip;" This is technically POV. There is nothing that says this. Rephrase it to reflect when she wore it rather than a blanket statement that could be inaccurate.
 * 45) **Done.
 * 46) *The entire mini-paragraph about Nur's physical features seems plopped in and does not flow well. Please reorder this section a bit. The second paragraph of P&T is a great tie-in for the relationship subsection, which, by the way, will be addressed below.
 * 47) **Done.
 * 48) *Based upon the LG, I prefer this to be a full section rather than subsection. Please tweak this, as flow between the P&T, P&A, and Rel. sections will need to be slightly adjusted.
 * 49) **Since it's a single relationship, can't it be included under P&T? I would understand the need for a whole other section if it were multiple relationships being covered, but it doesn't seem necessary here. Especially considering that the LG doesn't mention anything in regards to relationship sections.
 * 50) *"Nuur carried a yellow-bladed lightsaber which, according to Ood Bnar, was well-balanced and clearly defined, exemplary of excellent lightsaber construction." This sentence should not stand alone. Please tie this in somewhere in the first half of the main P&A paragraph.
 * 51) **Done.
 * 52) *I will continue to think on and talk with others about the infobox. Otherwise, what I've listed is basically all I really could find to date. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:46, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) **I think when it comes to a character like this where it is so obviously arguable, the infobox color shouldn't be a major issue. After reading all sources covering her, it seems apparent to me that she fell to the dark side, renounced the Jedi Order, and died immediately after. I'd like to hear more about why you think she was redeemed by mentally apologizing to Ood, though. And thanks for the full review. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 23:56, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Many thanks to Jedi Kasra for help with several sources. Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 17:12, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

Khar Delba

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:09, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eh.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Second Battle of Geonosis

 * Nominated by:  CC7567  (talk) 01:36, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: FAN, TCW has returned. Thank you very much to for helping out with the initial stages of the article.

(0 Inqs/5 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very good Commander Rex, you are apparently strong in the Force.--Sean Red 17:26, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Captain Rex  JangFett  (Talk) 21:55, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Yes, thank you, Jang.  CC7567  (talk) 22:04, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Great job, CC7567! I have seen your article from start to finish and I must say: it looks fantastic. --<Font color="SaddleBrown">Jawaman <Font color="SaddleBrown">No, I did NOT steal your droid! 18:12, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Flamethrowers! Menkooroo 16:55, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Good job as always, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:32, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  11:09, January 15, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) A quick glance:
 * 2) * Bts refers to Ki-Adi and Barriss as Expanded Universe characters --- they're actually both from the films.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * Aftermath: It ends on a cliffhanger; the suspense is killing me! Maybe a sentence or two indicating that the dire fight for survival was won by the goodguys would give the article closure while avoiding veering into irrelevant territory.
 * 5) **I'm sorry, but I honestly don't feel it's entirely relevant, and there always ends up being more information than there should be. The article to the Skirmish is already linked if the reader finds it interesting.
 * 6) ***Well, as the brain worms came from the battle itself, I think it's relevant as a quick note in "aftermath" --- even just an additional half-sentence at the end saying "an attempt that ultimately failed" or something? If not, no worries, but I thought I'd try one more time. Menkooroo 01:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ****My view still stands on the matter.  CC7567  (talk) 04:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) *****Can't blame a guy for trying. :^P
 * 9) * Second paragraph of intro --- Ahsoka and Barris sneaked into the facility --- should it be snuck?
 * 10) **"Snuck" is less formal and mostly less used; "sneaked" is more appropriate in this case.
 * 11) *Will definitely give it a full review within the week! Menkooroo 08:47, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) **Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 18:28, December 20, 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Full review!
 * 14) * Second paragraph of intro: "Tano and Offee" is used twice in close succession. Maybe change the second instance to something like "The pair" or "The two padawans"?
 * 15) **I feel that being more consistent is better in this case, and it also leaves no room for speculation that "the pair" could refer to their Masters instead.
 * 16) * Image caption punctuation: I'm not sure if it's an actual policy or not, but as far as I know, only complete sentences are to end in punctuation. For example, a descriptive caption like "The Republic gunships are ravaged by Geonosian gunners while attempting to land" should not, while "The Republic gunships were ravaged by Geonosian gunners while attempting to land", recalling an actual event, should. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, and if I am, I apologize.
 * 17) **I'm not sure I understand your reasoning. Whether "The Republic gunships are ravaged by Geonosian gunners while attempting to land." is "descriptive" or not, it's still a sentence as defined by the English language.
 * 18) ***Going by what I gathered from Havac's Darth Caedus article: A sentence describing what's happening in the picture, in present tense, shouldn't end with a sentence, whereas something in past tense should. I don't think too many Wookieepedians are clear on the matter, and there are a lot of FA's that don't follow it, so I'll strike the objection. I'm not sure if it's an actual policy, either, actually.
 * 19) * Penultimate paragraph of Rough Landing opens with "Having spent the time reallocated resources since Commander Jet's previous request," --- Is this supposed to be "reallocating"?
 * 20) **Yes, thank you for catching that. Fixed.
 * 21) * Final sentence of final paragraph of that section also runs on for a long time without any punctuation; some rewording might help make it read less awkwardly.
 * 22) **Adjusted.
 * 23) * Attack on the Main Foundry: "Skywalker and Unduli swung under the bridge and across its underbelly" --- context on what they used to swing?
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * Also in that section: "grimly but alive"... should it be "grim but alive"?
 * 26) **Actually, it was supposed to be "grimy." Fixed.
 * 27) * The Geonosians' Threat: The Geonosians are referred to as "insects" at one point; Note the difference between insects and insectoids.
 * 28) **Fixed.
 * 29) * I'd like to see a quick note made on Queen Karina's prodigious size. Very nitpicky things that hardly detract from a fantastic article; great use of the episode guides as sources. A very good read. Menkooroo 01:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) **Thanks very much for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 04:33, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) Fett takes a look (Yes, my head is still intact)
 * 32) * "also known simply as the Battle of Geonosis" I would remove this bit from the intro, CC. Seeing that another official source from SW.com corrected themselves by stating this was the Second Battle of Geonosis. The Battle of Geonosis was the beginning battle of the Clone Wars, which obviously wasn't this CW battle.
 * 33) **Removed.
 * 34) * Afterward, you say "early in the Clone Wars". Due to the unestablished CW timeline, I would replace it with "around 22 BBY," as always when it comes to TCW battle articles. I didn't wanted to replace it myself, because I wanted you to decide.
 * 35) **Fixed.
 * 36) * Do you have any source indicating that the Battle of Geonosis was "historic"? Kinda OR/ POV if not.
 * 37) **Removed.
 * 38) * "In the midst of the ongoing fight against the Geonosians, Captain Rex contacted Commander Cody to request reinforcements for Skywalker but found that Kenobi would be unable to give support, as Kenobi himself had been shot down" If you read the end of this sentence, it sounds like Kenobi was killed.
 * 39) **Fixed.
 * 40) *Other than that, great work CC. I made some minor edits too during my copyedit. Feel free to change them if you like. :)  JangFett  (Talk) 06:09, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) **Thank you for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 08:04, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) Only one little thing: at the end of Weapons Factory, I think the exchange between Luminara and Anakin about accepting that their Padawans may have died and that Anakin was less willing to do so is worth a mention, otherwise they may not have rescued the Padawans. Nevertheless, a superb job as always CC.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  22:26, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) *I have to disagree; Tano's own actions were what saved her and Offee, not their Masters' worrying over them. Regardless of how notable Skywalker's and Unduli's views were, they did not have a direct affect on the battle and belong in the character articles, not that of the battle. Thanks for the review.  CC7567  (talk) 04:02, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) Xd
 * 45) * Do we really add a &dagger; after destroyed ships? Xd1358  Talk 20:53, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) **To my knowledge, yes.  CC7567  (talk) 02:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ***I should've checked if first, sorry.
 * 48) * One more: I think you should mention the year in the prelude to give the reader an idea when it was. Xd1358  Talk 05:43, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) **It's already linked in there for the reader's use, and I'm personally getting tired of the blatant "around 22 BBY" that is becoming trademark on all TCW articles. It doesn't have to be stated outright for the reader to pick it up.  CC7567  (talk) 06:44, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ***Fair enough. But you're right, the 22 BBY is getting a bit boring. Xd1358  Talk 13:19, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Otana

 * Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:59, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Otana is a beauty of a ship that I would love to fly!

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 02:06, January 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:09, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Xamster

 * Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 04:44, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Their name sounds like a social networking site, filesharing network, or some other failed startup.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Xamster gets one uservote, now it's tied with Svivreni in the greatest podrace since Sneevel's FAN... Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:59, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 08:07, January 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy 9281  Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:48, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Prepare to be Farlstendoiroed
 * 2) * Intro: "The Xamster's cohabited" Is the apostrophe needed? I can't understand why it is there (And, as I don't, I don't edit it myself).
 * 3) **Oops; typo. Addressed.
 * 4) * Bio: "for instance, a Xamster might feature one hue..." You mean a hypothetical Xamster can have those hues? Or is there some specific Xamster who has that specific hues? In that case, you should not use conditionals.
 * 5) **Well, it's based on Neva Kee's appearance, so maybe it's better now?
 * 6) * Bio: Besides, I am not sure about the "Three crests of spiky growths": Are we still talking about the posibilities of a hypothetical Xamster, or does each Xamster have the three crests?
 * 7) **I'm assuming this is a standard part of Xamster anatomy. Is it any clearer now?
 * 8) * Society: Please context on malvil-trees on first menction.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * Society: "In return, the Xamsters could take up residence" - So, they take up residence only sometimes? In that case, you should specify. If they did always take up residence, then you should reword it. I can't understand if all Xamster communities, or only some of them, do this.
 * 11) **That was a "could" of permission, but I see how that could be confusing, so I've tried to clarify.
 * 12) * Hist: About Tal-Gun: I understand you have no specific link between Tal-Gun and the Xamsters, or you would have already mentioned it in Culture, true?
 * 13) **There's no specific mention, only the notion that the martial art was taught on Xagobah. I thought about not including it, but did so in this way just to be on the safe side.
 * 14) * Later Hist: Suggestion: Would you consider adding a little more context to the Eriadu Authority? Simply "under Imperial Admiral Sander Delvardus". I had never heard of the EA and that would give me some much-wanted details without following the link.
 * 15) **I'm not sure this is necessary; the Eriadu Authority is already described as an Imperial remnant, and I don't want to go into much more detail than that, since it would be off-topic, I think. What do you think? ~ SavageBob 00:16, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) * In the galaxy: Neva Kee. Please, consider giving specific references to the details given on him and providing details about Kee visiting planets. For instance, TPM movie, TPM book, Ep1 Ins Guide, Ep1 Racer, probably are references to some of the sentences. More specifically: Ep1 Racer must include some track as Kee's favored one, and the planet it's in (Baroo Coast on Baroonda?); the article could use a mention to a Xamster being a favorite in the track of Baroonda.
 * 17) **Everything is referenced, and I list some other sources that give broad overviews of his career in a footnote in BTS. I've added his favored track; what do you think now? ~ SavageBob 00:16, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Particolored". Learning vocabulary through FAN ·:P - and great job too. Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:24, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **I'll get to your other objections soon. ~ SavageBob 16:50, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Everything should be addressed except for the stuff I've commented on above. Thanks for the great review! ~ SavageBob 00:16, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Was the species Xamster first identified in TPM? --Eyrezer 04:09, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) **Not in the film itself, but in the slew of peripheral material that came out simultaneously. Let me investigate a bit and see where the name may have first been used. ~ SavageBob 04:16, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **Seems to have been the Visual Dictionary, so I've added a 1stID tag to that source. Do you think this needs an explicit mention in the BTS prose? It seems that a lot of the lore behind Phantom Menace aliens and characters was being developed in tandem with the film itself, so the only thing the Visual Dictionary has going for it is that it was the first use of the name "Xamster" in print; the authors did not likely coin that name (though there's no way to know for sure). ~ SavageBob 04:22, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) ***The 1stID tag should be sufficient. --Eyrezer 08:07, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Vor

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:31, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Short name, long article. One of these species of WP:AS.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) The coolest reptavimammals in the Star Wars galaxy. I eagerly await the next alien from Farlstendoiro. ~ SavageBob 07:17, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 10:19, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) Intro is way too short.  Xd1358  Talk 18:48, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:06, January 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 4) * Can you mention that they are a sentient species in the first sentence of the lead? Without the picture, they could be a human race, or even a conglomeration of many species, so it's best to be specific up front.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "reptilian mammals"? Isn't that an oxymoron? Should they be classified as reptomammals? Go with that the sources say, but this was confusing (ah, Star Wars)!
 * 7) **No: Some sources say reptilians, some say mammals, none sais reptomammals; there's a note in BtS about it. Done nothing.
 * 8) * "capable of creating great beauty through their music" --> Do they consider this beauty, or do outsiders, or do both? It would be good to say, so that this line doesn't come off as POV-ish.
 * 9) **Done.
 * 10) * "Unfortunately, the Empire..." --> Be careful of ''unfortunately" inn the lead.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Can you mention what sector their world was in at some point in the article?
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * The images make it seem that other colors than green were possible for their skin (I notice this a lot with Star Wars art; the artists take a lot of leeway with text descriptions).
 * 15) **Done nothing. That could be a light trick or war paints, and the source mentioning skin colors is explicit and determinant.
 * 16) *** Fair point; in that case, can you add something to either BTS or at least a footnote mentioning that images show them with yellows and browns as well? ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Done.
 * 18) * Do the sources call their beak "vestigial"? It's hard to imagine that they didn't still use it, to talk, eat, etc.
 * 19) **Done nothing. Jedi Academy Sourcebook says so explicitly.
 * 20) ***Someone at WEG didn't understand what "vestigial" means, but OK. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * There's some present tense mixed into the "Biology" section, so be careful.
 * 22) **Done.
 * 23) * "Until that time, let no music sound. No pipe shall be blown, nor voiced raised in song. It would be a mockery of our broken sacred place. In silence the first Cathedral was born, so it will be again. Let all heed this command." Should that be "voice" rather than "voiced"? I would just change it myself, but since it's a direct quote, I wanted to be sure.
 * 24) **Done. Good one, btw.
 * 25) * Again, "the voice... was particularly beautiful . . . " In the eye of which beholder?
 * 26) **Done.
 * 27) * Can you combine some of the shorter paragraphs with others? Particularly, the one about the treaty of the Vors being signed and the one about their alignment during the Clone Wars are very short.
 * 28) **Done.
 * 29) * "six other avians" --> I thought they were reptile/mammals, not avians?
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * "so-called Galactic Empire" --> I don't think the "so-called" is necessary; it was the Galactic Empire!
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "ceased to appreciate the visit of aliens." --> This is a bit confusing. Did they stop allowing visitors to come to their planet? Or they just didn't think much of such visits anymore?
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * Ackbar's crash into the Cathedral of the Winds and the aftermath are well described, but the section is pretty long as well and more detailed than any other part of the article. I'd suggest condensing the section considerably and moving the longer version to a new article, titled however you see fit. Ideally, I'd say you need a paragraph about initial overtures and the crash, a paragraph about the Vor reconstruction, a paragraph about the New Republic response (Ackbar's resignation, Wedge and Qwi's visit), and a paragraph about the resolution of the investigation and reopening of the cathedral.
 * 36) **Done!
 * 37) * I'm not sure why Qwi Xux's moving to Vortex is relevant to the species article; I'd suggest cutting this.
 * 38) **Modified, so it mentions that Vors are welcoming visitors once again, which I think is important. What do you think now?
 * 39) ***The article doesn't need the note that her memory of the event was so strong it couldn't be wiped, but it's much better now. ~ SavageBob 00:00, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) *** This objection take a bit closer of a look, so I'll get back to you later today. ~ SavageBob 16:39, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) * Perhaps the fact that they lack any hair should be mentioned in "Biology and culture"?
 * 42) **Done.
 * 43) * Again, why "so-called" Battle of Vortex? Either it was or wasn't a battle...
 * 44) **Done.
 * 45) * Again, be careful with the "unfortunately" in the description of the battle.
 * 46) **Done.
 * 47) * In the paragraph about the smugglers' alliance, Calrissian, etc., it's unclear how this has anything to do with Vors. I'm guessing one of these characters discussed is a Vor, but could you clarify who?
 * 48) **Done.
 * 49) * Do we have an aerobat article? If not, please link the term and make one. Sounds fun!
 * 50) **Done.
 * 51) * You mention several offworld Vors in the History section (particularly the last few paragraphs); perhaps mention again some of the worlds Vors were known to reside on in the "Vors in the galaxy" section.
 * 52) **Done.
 * 53) * Can you beef up your captions a bit? Also, it might be a good idea to move pictures closer to text to make the images more illustrative. For example, the Cathedral of the Winds image could be moved to the section of the article talking about that structure.
 * 54) **Done.
 * 55) * I'll copy edit the article when I get a chance. Good work so far, as always. ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) **One objection pending. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:14, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) **All done now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:38, January 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) *** Let me copy edit the article, then I will support! ~ SavageBob 00:00, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * "Vor was the name of the only sentient species..." This sounds odd to me. Why the emphasis on their being the only native sentients? Most of our species articles don't do this. I'm also not sure the pronunciation is necessarily; I can't really think of another way to pronounce "Vor" than to rhyme with "for" and "bore."
 * 60) ** Both removed, even if I digress. "only" added to article on Vortex.
 * 61) * Does the Jedi Academy Sourcebook specifically call them avians? Avian redirects to bird, so if so, we need to adjust our articles!
 * 62) ** Page 117. Omniscient narrator might be metaphorical, but I doubt it.
 * 63) ** "The Vors are delicate hollow-bone reptilian avian humanoids who ride the winds on lacy wings"
 * 64) *** Ay-ay-ay... Now they are reptiles, birds, and mammals? C'mon, SW expanded universe authors! :) I suppose that the discussion of their avian-ness should go together where you describe them as mammals and reptiles, then, since they are apparently now part of three families instead of two. I looked up "avian" and, really, the only definition for the word is "of or having to do with birds," so I'm not sure there's any other way. :/ ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ****Give it a try. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:12, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) * You need a source after "with mammalian features." Sorry if I accidentally deleted it in my copy edit. Did I?
 * 67) ** Re-added. Tsk, tsk ·;)
 * 68) * What do you mean by their eyes occasionally being covered by lids? Did some members of the species not have eyelids, or do you mean they sometimes closed their eyes?
 * 69) ** Uh, modified.
 * 70) * Should the bit about their intelligence go under "society and culture"? I think at least the bit about their being able to work together well should, but maybe all of it would fit in better one section down. I may have more as I continue the copy edit. Désolé! ~ SavageBob 06:36, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ** Added info to note why it shouldn't go there. And, feel free to keep going, do you worst `:) Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:31, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) *** Bwahahahaha! :P More to come as I copy edit the other sections, maybe. ~ SavageBob 18:17, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 73) * OK, in "Society and culture", the first and second paragraphs both basically say that they were seemingly emotionless but not really, and here's why. The third paragraph, too, has some overlap, where you talk about how they try to avoid conflict. I'm wondering if they should be combined, or perhaps rewritten so that you have one paragraph about how they appear to outsiders, then another paragraph about the true situation (about how they stifle their emotions to maintain harmony and work for the big picture). What do you think? ~ SavageBob 19:32, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) **Modified to use 1st paragraph to talk about the alien impression; 2nd to talk about the reality Vors hide, and 3rd for anything else. Tell me if you like it.
 * 75) * "Those winds were very influential on Vor culture." Can you say how?
 * 76) **Hmmm... Don't know what I had in mind when I wrote that. Removed.
 * 77) * "which served as their homeworld before any other consideration." I'm not sure what this means. What other consideration?
 * 78) **Official alien classification: Homeworld instead of trading center, stronghold or anything. Modified. Better?
 * 79) * What does "stethyc" mean? I can't find a definition online. ~ SavageBob 21:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) **Fixed. I went back to the source as I was spellchecking it, and the source said "aesthetic." -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 03:53, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Was the Cathedral of the Winds only made centuries before 0 BBY? I think the Atlas says that it was millennia before, since it was a Wonder of the Galaxy.
 * 82) ** Atlas supersedes previous sources; modified.
 * 83) * Can you explain "forecasted event"? It was predicted each year? ~ SavageBob 21:28, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ** "Eagerly awaited"?
 * 85) * Do we know that they sided with the Republic in the Clone Wars, or just that their planet fell in Republic-controlled territory?
 * 86) ** Modified.
 * 87) * Do we know who retired the initial offer to join the New Republic? It would be nice to know whether the Republic or the Vors did this, if the sources specify.
 * 88) ** Sources specify that the Vors did nothing like that. So, it must have been Mothma.
 * 89) * I still think the first paragraph of "New Jedi Order and beyond" is beyond the scope of this article, more appropriate to Vortex maybe. I think it's OK to mention Xux going there and being given the job of her choice, but the fact that Luke came to visit and she was torn up about the flute incident, and Dae'shara-whatever was there, these all seem superfluous. The population is important to note, however.
 * 90) ** OK.
 * 91) * Why did they respect Jaina Solo? Do we know?
 * 92) ** I think because she was a war hero, but OS is not really that specific.
 * 93) * Do we know how the Hutt was treated like a Vor? What does it mean to be treated like a Vor? That would be good info to add if it's known.
 * 94) ** Expanded. Better?
 * 95) * "the threat was weighed up" --> can you elaborate what is meant here? Will get to the final two sections soon! ~ SavageBob 19:01, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) ** Expanded. Better?
 * 97) * What is meant by "the dominant tendencies of the galaxy"? Do you mean trends, styles, that kind of thing?
 * 98) ** Yep. Modified.
 * 99) * Do the sources say how aerobats make a living? Do they daredevil fly for their own fun, or do they perform, or what?
 * 100) ** Seriously, I can't say anything else about aerobats without assuming.
 * 101) * The bit about Vortex's spaceport seems more appropriate to "Society and culture" since it doesn't deal with Vors offworld. ~ SavageBob 16:56, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) ** OK. Have a look now.Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) *** One last objection pending (the bit about them being birds as well as mammals and reptiles). The article is looking very, very nice. ~ SavageBob 15:56, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 104) ****Should be done. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:12, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) Eyrezer:
 * 106) * Can you recrop the image of the Vor from UAA to include the Vratix? No need for it to be half cropped out like that.
 * 107) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:45, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 108) * Can you add more to the Biol and appearance section about the limbs/hands/feet digits, including the webbing between digits, etc?
 * 109) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) ***It looks like they only have three toes as against four fingers. Can you add something on this?
 * 111) ****Added.
 * 112) * The UAA image looks to be yellow in colour. Can you incorporate this into the article?
 * 113) **As the image contradicts other sources, that info is already under BtS. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * "the Republic retired the initial offer to join that collective." This is not very clear. Can you reword it? --Eyrezer 08:33, January 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) **Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:35, January 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) * "but the Vors could both fly and guide with their wings". Is that meant to be glide with their wings?
 * 117) **Good catch. Changed.
 * 118) * I know your preference is to reference to more than one source, but the phrase "using their wings along with their hollow bones" has 5 sources. Can you cut out a couple of these? It seems overkill for such a short line.
 * 119) **Grumble grumble. Better?
 * 120) * I added two mentions from the Jedi Counseling series. The second one may have some info you would like to include regarding the ability to use their hands while flying... up to you. --Eyrezer 04:08, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **Both added, although I haven't modified the image caption to say that this Vratix and this Vor were friends; I'm never sure if the JC captions are serious or not. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * Is there any way you can add in something about the Goa lawah? I know there is very little on them in EGPM, but if you could work ithem in somehow, I think that would be a good idea.
 * 123) **Added.
 * 124) * In the habitat subsection, could you add the detail from the EGAS on the colours of the plain grasses? --Eyrezer 02:56, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) **Added.
 * 126) * Have you considered mentioning vors-glass? --Eyrezer 05:30, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 127) **Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:34, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 128) * "sometimes covering them with their own bodies,[1][2][3][4][5][8]" Way too excessive referencing.
 * 129) **Still digress, but done. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:14, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) * "re-echoing, plaintive sound[1] was known as the music of the winds.[1][5]" Could this all be referenced to [1]? --Eyrezer 03:34, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 131) **Guess so. Done. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:14, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) * "Later that same year, with the war intensifying," You need to actually mention what the war is here. --Eyrezer 09:22, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 133) **Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:13, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * "[T]hey lived in underground hummocks." I learned a new word, thanks! :) ~ SavageBob 17:21, January 14, 2010 (UTC)

Duel on Kuar

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 06:02, January 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:A Good article that made it over the FAN hump courtesy of the latest KOTOR issue. The "Indomitable" Mandalore gets PWNED.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 16:36, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) You gotta admit, the image from KotOR 48 is sweet.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:48, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * Is there a reason for listing the Mandalorian warriors and Krath soldiers in the infobox? IMO since they didn't actually participate in any way, they shouldn't be listed.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Is the name "Battle of Kuar" explicitly referenced in any canonical source? Unless it is, this should probably be moved to Duel on Kuar per that comment on the talk page.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) *Otherwise, great job as usual. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:31, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for your help and review, Master Jonathan. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 00:44, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) * Since the article is conjecturally titled, the literal title should not be bolded in the intro, just the word(s) that best describe the event. Try "A duel occurred on the planet Kuar&hellip;"
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * There are two instances of "Battle of Kuar" left in the BTS that now need to be reworded.
 * 11) **That's what I get for being hasty, lol. Addressed.
 * 12) *** Still one left: "Anderson used the comic Edge of the Whirlwind, along with the Battle of Kuar,"
 * 13) ****Got it.
 * 14) *That should be it. :) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:51, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Thanks again, MJ> —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:03, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) or Krath Sith sorceress Aleema Keto&hellip; I know what you mean, but those unfamiliar with the subject material might not. Can you reword this so show that she was a Sith aligned with the Krath? That's it. Good job as usual, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:05, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) *Changed it to "co-commander." See if that's good, and thanks for the review JK. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 00:48, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) **That's good. Great job, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:48, January 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lumiya's lightwhip

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:07, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Bad chick wit' a weapon&mdash;metal, leather, & light; somethin special, not yo average, baddest lil' thing in sight&hellip;

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I didn't find much wrong with the article. However, the lightwhip was packaged along with Lumiya, Luke Skywalker, and his lightsabers in the comic pack with Star Wars 96. Can you add this in the BTS? --Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:01, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *All set. Thanks a lot for the review and that bit of information. Please advise if anything further is required. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 20:49, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **The rest of the article looks good to me. Good job, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * has already been asked to provide rescans for the three poor-quality images. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:07, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Red has come thru yet again in the clutch. —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:46, February 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * And here's that for the comic pack link for you. According to it, Lumiya is an all new figure. .--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:33, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thank you sooooo much for that, Kasra. I owe you one. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 20:49, January 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * No problem.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:10, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * Is it OK to use RebeScum's photos without permission? I know LucasFilm doesn't care if we use stuff fair use, but RebelScum might. It's often safer to use Hasbro's official photos (like this one), or to just email RebelScum and ask. ~ SavageBob 03:11, January 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * I discussed this with several Admins (who also happen to be Inquisitors) and they gave me the OK to use the image. In the event that something changes, I have no problem taking it down. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:39, January 25, 2010 (UTC)

Rianna Saren

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 19:22, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first-ever GA, now complete with the PSP info and (I believe) worthy of the shiny star.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

Kul Teska

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 20:38, January 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: He was&hellip;kinda useless.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) I've waited nearly 2 weeks to this nomination : ) Kreivi Wolter 21:22, January 25, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Blockade of the Hydian Way

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 23:43, January 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Is it strange that being able to nominate again makes me feel like a badass?

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 07:12, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Good show. —Tommy 9281  Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 22:39, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Jedi Kasra (comlink) 03:40, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Very well done.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:24, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * Can we get a time marker at the very beginning of the intro, as one would be helpful to understanding the article better?
 * 3) **Try it out. If it's not specific enough I can put the exact year, but I figured I'd try this out.
 * 4) ***The time marker was fine, but I actually meant something to do with the length (i.e. "year-long" or whatever it was) if it's relevant. Sorry for not being clear enough.  CC7567  (talk) 06:57, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Unfortunately, the length of the blockade is never really specified in the timeline. It starts in 3,661 BBY and ends in 3,660 BBY, but that means it could either have lasted a year or a few months that happened to fall on the tail end of 3,661 and the very beginning of 3,660. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 07:06, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *****That's fine, then.  CC7567  (talk) 07:12, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * Can the excessive "following"s be reworded in the intro?
 * 8) **Done.
 * 9) * "freighters worth of supplies": please check this; I'm not sure what you mean.
 * 10) **Woopsie. Fixed.
 * 11) * "'She did not involve the Republic military or government in her plan; however, she likely would have failed were it not for the intervention of the Republic Navy.''" Please clarify the inclusion of the second part, as it currently appears as speculation.
 * 12) **Done.
 * 13) *Good otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 23:52, February 14, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **Haha, during your copy-edit you put in a "Vizsla" instead of "Visz". Mind elsewhere? :P Thanks for the review. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 06:53, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Sorry about that; yes, for whatever reason, my mind must have been mulling over him. :|  CC7567  (talk) 06:57, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) Just one thing. Your infobox has the smugglers, Jedi, and Republic all under the same forces, but the article makes no mention of them cooperating, especially the Jedi and the smugglers. Shouldn't it then be that each faction falls under it's own section in the box? Otherwise, very refreshing read. —Tommy 9281  Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 07:12, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) *You make an interesting point, but the way I interpreted the timelines was that both the Jedi Order and the smugglers were working on behalf of Republic interests. The Jedi were in it for duty and the smugglers were in it for personal gain, and although they didn't coordinate efforts, the Republic and smugglers fought alongside each other in that final battle, and were never opponents. I was under the impression that three-way battle boxes were for a kind of free-for-all situation. Let me know what you think, and thanks for the read! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 08:53, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ** Well, you could either rework several parts so that the reader knows that the smugglers and the Jedi were operating on behalf of the Republic. We already know that the Jedi and Republic are on the same side, but the way it is now gives the reader (at least me) the impression that the smugglers weren't working with the Jedi, but engaged in their own offensive against the Sith. —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 16:16, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ***That is true, the smugglers and Jedi never worked together. However, both were combating the Mandalorians on behalf of the Republic. The Jedi did it as an organization within the Republic while the smugglers did it as allies of the Republic. How would you like to see that made clearer in the article? I tried to fix it up in the infobox a bit. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:03, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **** Well, I don't really want you to change anything in the article because it is very-well written as it is. I'd prefer that you place the smugglers in their own section of the infobox, as I feel that that would clear up any confusion that might arise from the reader. Example: in the Nagai-Tof War, the Nagai started out as allies of the Empire, but later joined forces with the Alliance of Free Planets. Regardless of the various partnerships, the article's infobox shows the different factions separately, mainly because while they assisted each other for a common goal, they all had their own adgendas for wanting to end the Tof threat. So too it was with the smugglers and the Republic/Jedi, as far as I understand from your article. Make sense? —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 22:27, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) *****Yes, it does now. The example helps a lot. The infobox has been adjusted accordingly. Thanks for the review and help! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:36, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) The Grand Master
 * 23) * Was the "Jedi strike force" a single organized strike team (if so, is there enough info for a stub)? Or is this known? Also, I think it can be made clearer in the body that they were all killed (right now, you just say they were "soundly defeated", but in the infobox you list the entire strike force as a casualty).
 * 24) **It does appear to be a single organized team, but I don't know that there would be enough info for a stub. All that's really said on the matter was that the Jedi organized a strike force that was completely destroyed. As for the "soundly defeated" part, it's been addressed.
 * 25) * Can you make an article for the final battle of the blockade? Or do you think such an article would be necessary (if so, your reasoning, please)?
 * 26) **The reason I never made an article for the final battle was because it's not really a different event. It wasn't a separate occurance from the blockade, but rather, part of it. In the same way duel articles are part of overall battle articles, I suppose. It's a more isolated conflict, but not a separate one. I don't know if that reasoning makes sense to everyone, but that's kind of what I was going by.
 * 27) ***That's fair enough. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:24, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * Could you use something less POVish than "unimaginable"?
 * 29) **I'm gonna go with "incredible," because the idea expressed in the video is that even she couldn't believe how much money she got.
 * 30) *Great work. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:34, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thank you so much for the review. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 05:27, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) The intro is enormous, given the size of the article. It reads like an article unto itself. Please summarize more. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:33, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) *Done. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 00:12, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lott Dod

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 22:15, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: After a lengthy absence from the FAN page, Grand Moff Tranner makes his triumphant return!

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Will Yularen or Intimidator appear here soon? Xd1358  Talk 13:19, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Intimidator should be up within the week; Yularen will make his appearance here only when TCW is over. :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:05, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) The objections have been overruled -This is outrageous! Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  13:09, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 19:25, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I object! &mdash; The FAN recognizes Skippy Farlstendoiro
 * 2) * Intro: However, Dod's true allegiance was to the Federation and the Confederacy. You mean instead of what? The Senate?
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Bio: the "bloated" Federation I "dislike" the use of "inverted commas" in "Featured Articles." Could you "reword" that? ·;) Ditto for "malfunction" later (I suggest "pretend to malfunction")
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * Bio: dressed extravagantly. Sounds borderline WP:NPOV unless OS specifically says so.
 * 7) **Removed.
 * 8) * Invasion: The Jedi ambassadors were not called as witnesses when Dod protested Amidala's claims. Why was that? Weren't they officially in Naboo?
 * 9) **I really don't see a need to explain that the Jedi weren't present - it would be too unwieldy, IMO.
 * 10) * Invasion: Valorum asked Amidala to defer, but she was resolute and announced she would not defer. "Defer" used twice in a row, can you replace one with a synonym?
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) * Separatist: During the PDC3141-02 incident, Dod "called the situation outrageous" and "said" stuff. Where? Did he said that to the Senate, to the press, to the Federation...?
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * Image: "Dod displays his innocence in an insincere gesture." Can you back this caption? I mean, does the OS (E1 Visual Dictionary) specify that Dod is doing that in the picture?
 * 15) **Yes, that's why I included the reference.
 * 16) * You use the word "outrageous" four times in the body of the article, two of them in inverted commas to quote Dod, plus one "outraged". Seriously, can't you replace Dod's tagline with some synonym?
 * 17) **Removed some of them.
 * 18) * Sources: Is there any reference to Dod in Episode I Insider's Guide?
 * 19) **Don't have that, but I'll ask around for assistance.
 * 20) ***This last objection is still active. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:44, February 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Taken care of, with much-appreciated help from SavageBob. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:44, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:12, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **Thanks for the review. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:05, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) I object too!
 * 25) * P&T should contain more from the Senate Spy.
 * 26) **I don't see the need - I wanted the P&T to sum up Dod's characteristics from all his appearances, and therefore not focus too much on one single appearance. Besides, all the information on Dod from "Senate Spy" is in its proper place in the bio.
 * 27) ***Good point. Kreivi Wolter 10:35, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) * Shouldn't Anakin's presence on Dod's palace be at least mentioned in the article? Kreivi Wolter 22:42, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) **Again, I feel that would be unnecessary. Skywalker doesn't interact with Dod at all. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:07, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) ***Yet another good point. Kreivi Wolter 10:35, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) * Information from ? Kreivi Wolter 18:38, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) **Just because other characters comment on Dod does not mean that they should be mentioned in his Bio.  CC7567  (talk) 20:30, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ***Besides, seeing as that dialogue did not appear in the final episode, we don't know if that information is canon or not. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:18, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) ****Ok, not for the bio, but should it be putted into the appearances-section with Mo? Many articles, like Battle of Dorin seems to use the link as a canonical appearance. Kreivi Wolter 14:49, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) *****If anything, it's a source, nothing more. I'm not putting it as an appearance just because it's listed as such in other articles. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:42, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) ******I won't srtike my objection just yet. If the link is canonical, it should be in the article. I think it's a matter of debate. Kreivi Wolter 15:49, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) Attack of the Clone
 * 38) * Can you changed one of the excessive "dominated" usages early on in the Bio?
 * 39) **Should be better now.
 * 40) * "After learning of the events, they did not protest when technicians utilized field disruptors to deactivate the droids." "They" who?
 * 41) **Clarified.
 * 42) * Can the second paragraph of the "Allegiances revealed" section be shortened at all to focus more on Dod?
 * 43) **Shortened a bit, but I don't think I can take out much more.
 * 44) *Very clean. Nice work.  CC7567  (talk) 00:28, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) **Thanks for the review, CC. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:28, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) The Grand Master
 * 47) * Is Cloak of Deception a source for Palpatine being the same person as Sidious?
 * 48) **Sourced it to Episode III.
 * 49) * Rather minor, but isn't the image in the "Separatist Crisis" section out of place? Could it be moved to the "Wartime Investments" section, perhaps, and the following image then be moved down to the final paragraph of the "Allegiances Revealed" section?
 * 50) **Done.
 * 51) *Great work, as usual. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 02:14, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) **Thanks for the review, Jon. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:26, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

N-K Necrosis

 * Nominated by:  JangFett  (Talk) 20:27, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Grievous Reloaded.

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Object
 * 1) A few quick ones...
 * 2) * The intro needs to be shortened.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * "this article assumes that the story's assumption is correct." Which story? Lord of War ' s or Galaxies?
 * 5) **Ah, thanks for catching that. Fixed.
 * 6) ***Stricken, but I had to reword it for clarity.
 * 7) * The homeworld field doesn't make sense.
 * 8) **Addressed
 * 9) * How did the study of death help him establish an advanced droid brain?
 * 10) **Lord of War doesn't really explain this concept a lot, but I fixed what was said in the creation section.
 * 11) ***The statement still seems out of place. Try to make it fit into the flow of the paragraph or remove it.
 * 12) * The creation section needs to be more focused on the droid itself and a bit less focused on Lorn and Kinesworthy.
 * 13) **Hopefully this is fixed.
 * 14) ***I'd still like to see much of the first two bio paragraphs pared down and streamlined.
 * 15) * Droids don't have P&Ts or P&As.
 * 16) **Yes, I forgot about this. Addressed.
 * 17) *Linking and grammar issues throughout.
 * 18) **Went back and gave the article another copyedit.
 * 19) *More to come, this was just from a glance at the article. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 03:50, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 21) * I've only skimmed the article, but here's what I've noticed so far. First, be sure to put the part about the spacers beating him within some sort of template that alerts readers that this scenario potentially goes differently. The and  templates might work; I'm not sure if there's a different one for a video game as opposed to a standard RPG. For example, a group of players who are weakened from other battles might not easily get past the B-1 battle droid, and some players may have missed the loot or simply decided not to take it. Unless the Peña article establishes canonically that things went down like this. Is that the case?
 * 22) **Actually, it seems that you're not familiar with Galaxies. That specific battle droid is only an NPC that you talk to. Everyone basically can "get through with ease". But the tags have been added for those who haven't played Galaxies.
 * 23) * Second, I'd remove the "unidentified" part of the description of the spacers that beat the droid. It should be enough just to call them spacers.
 * 24) **Addressed
 * 25) * I don't think you need to set aside one-paragraph sections with subheads (such as "inconsistencies"). Readers will figure out you're talking about a new topic by the paragraph break alone. I'll get have some more comments later. Hope these help! ~ SavageBob 17:49, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) **Addressed, and thanks. :)
 * 27) Return of the Sith Empire
 * 28) * In the intro, I don't think Merili's important enough to be mentioned. If you insist on keeping her, give her context and link her.
 * 29) **Hope this helps.
 * 30) * "Doctor Nycolai Kinesworthy, also a cybernetic scientist," - when you say also, that implies that either someone else is a cyberneticist too, or that he is something else in addition to being a cybernetic scientist. The article is unclear. Usually I would fix this myself, but there are several instances of strange wording and unneccesary word usage throughout the article I would like you to catch for yourself.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * "which contained the dust collecting droid body of General Grievous." - another example of silly diction. These, along with syntax errors and the like, need a lot of work.
 * 33) **Addressed
 * 34) * "The droids, whom served as Necrosis' bodyguards, taught the newly reanimated Grievous how..." - calling it the newly reanimated Grievous implies that is IS Grievous resurrected.
 * 35) **Addressed
 * 36) * Zannah doesn't need a mention in the intro.
 * 37) **Addressed
 * 38) * What led the spacers to destroy Necrosis? You need to explain that in the intro.
 * 39) *This is all from the intro. I'll come back and work through "Creation" soon. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 22:03, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) As I explained repeatedly in our IRC discussion, you have serious issues in your interpretation of the differences between LoW and Galaxies. The contradiction that you claim exists simply doesn't, and it looks to me like its rooted in your unwillingness to make major changes to the article. I'll say it one last time: LoW appears to give an abbreviated account of the droid's destruction, while Galaxies, being the primary source, shows all the events in detail. It's not a contradiction, but rather different ways of telling a story. This issue will remain as an objection until you either satisfactorily PROVE that the absence from LoW is an intended difference or you address the problem and add the Galaxies information to your article.  Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 04:49, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 41) *For now, work on fixing the choppiness of your sentences and transitioning. It seems like a listing of events as it stands now. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 07:39, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Not really an objection, just asking: can this image be included in the article at all? Kreivi Wolter 21:51, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

Eurrsk Thri'ag

 * Nominated by: ToRsO bOy 23:35, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The product of over six months worth of procastination

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Object

Comments

Battle of Foerost (Great Sith War)

 * Nominated by: —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 05:46, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A current GA that I brought to 1,079 words, thanks to new information from the latest issue of KOTOR.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good job as usual, Tommy. Gotta love KotOR.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:36, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Omwati

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:44, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Exotic, cute alien species. Like Qwi Xux. Remember Qwi? Wedge's girlfriend from the 1990s? Oh, don't you read the classics anymore? ·:P

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Support

Object
 * 1) Pasta noodle-by: There are far, far, far too many one sentence quasi-paragraphs. Please lace these together as best as possible into something cohesive. It seems that many could be easily related without getting into conjecture, OR, or other nasty things. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:49, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Better? Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:05, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Gelesi

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 01:22, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I have to at least try this one once more.

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Support

Object
 * 1) You need to add the fact that he received an entry in the CSWE, in the BTS.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:43, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 04:17, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) '''Getting my foot back in the door&hellip;"
 * 4) *There has to be a better descriptor for Iziz than "a major city on Onderon." It's the only city on Onderon, for starters.
 * 5) *No time frame is given for Gelesi in the intro.
 * 6) *There are no specifications of rank for Sullio and Gelesi in the intro despite the game dialogue being pretty obvious about it all.
 * 7) *Specification that it was the entire planet's allegiance in question in the intro is required.
 * 8) *The "Battle of Onderon" should be a pipelink; the game doesn't outright call it that.
 * 9) *Get back to me soon! Graestan ( Talk ) 14:58, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Nyna Calixte

 * Nominated by:--Gonzalo84 01:40, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:Already updated it and done cleanup

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Support

Object
 * 1) Preliminaries
 * 2) *Improper usage (simply put, none at all) of the Pronounced template.
 * 3) *Major sourcing issues.
 * 4) *As nominator of this article, you are responsible for every single word and format in the article, which extends to the still-hesitant grammar quality of the article&mdash;one of the reasons that the article was demoted in the first place. Moreover, as a major character in an ongoing comic series, she fails to meet FAN Rule 5 of stability, which was another reason why she was removed. Because of this, I'd recommend that you work on the article and re-nominate her only when she can meet every single one of the FAN Rules and comply with all of the policies on Wookieepedia.  CC7567  (talk) 05:09, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Operation: Knightfall

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:36, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Same reason as Gelesi

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Support

Object
 * 1) Needs info from Star Wars Purge: Seconds to Die.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Celchu Trial

 * Nominated by:--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 23:29, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:I wish to know if this is good enough for you as it is for us in Finnish Jedipedia.

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Support

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * At first glance, there is a substantial amount of underlinking.
 * 3) **Any better now? I'm not too sure what you mean by underlinking. Care to advice?
 * 4) ***"Underlinking" means that you do not have everything linked; an article should be linked once on its first mention in the intro and once on its first mention in the body. Anyway, this is much better, although there are still some missing, extra, and incorrectly placed links. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:40, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Happy now? I have hard time finding more things to link but if there is still something, let me know.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:32, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *I am also seeing several grammar problems.
 * 7) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:56, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Cliffhold

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 00:41, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Never done a location before...

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Support

Object
 * 1) Floyd Floyds all over your article:
 * 2) *<S>"Spice convoys eventually stopped running, but a number of residents remained in the city, managing their now-forgotten home." Why did they stop running? Clarify.</S>
 * 3) **It's never explained.
 * 4) *Quote for the Description section?
 * 5) **None that I could think of as applicable. I could do one from TEA, but I'm not sure who to attribute that to. Do you know?
 * 6) ***In TEA, does it not tell who said it? Or is it part of the text?
 * 7) ***Part of the text. Quotable, since its technically an in-universe publication, but I just don't know who to attribute the quote to.
 * 8) * "the two freed Cliffhold from Drol" They didn't actually free the place from Drol, they freed it from the LaserWeb. Change this and the sentence afterwards.
 * 9) **See if that helps. It's kind of a tricky term, as Drol was the defense grid, so they go hand in hand.
 * 10) ***Good.
 * 11) * "The smuggling convoys that exported the spice from Cliffhold eventually ceased, leaving the city to join the rest of Iego in isolation." Again, why did they stop? Clarify.
 * 12) **See above.
 * 13) * Why did the Confederacy leave?
 * 14) **Never specified.
 * 15) * "The city's superstitious residents claimed that the ships were being destroyed by the Ghost of Drol,[2] a malevolent spirit that was in fact nothing more than a LaserWeb Defense Station left behind by the Confederacy in order to prevent anyone from leaving Iego." Reword this. This sounds like the natives believed that Drol was nothing more than a LaserWeb Defense Station.
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * At various points in the body, you switch from putting quote marks around Drol and not. Be consistent. I would suggest that you put quotes around all mentions of Drol, since Drol doesn't actually exist.
 * 18) **There's actually only one point in the body that I use the quotes, and that's done very intentionally to go with the context of the rest of the sentence. I think quotes are only needed when I'm refering to one of "Drol"'s actions that are actually being committed by the grid. If I'm just refering to the people's belief in him, they aren't needed. It's been addressed aas such.
 * 19) *Nice job.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:24, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thank you very much for the review. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 05:12, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments