Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Valara Saar


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/4 Users/9 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:25, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Remember doing a bit of work on this article waaaay back in the day.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 05:04, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Schya! Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:56, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) With some fixes made in IRC, good article considering the limited detail available.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:41, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Yay for obscure FAs! -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:12, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Voting after looking over it might help&hellip;  Graestan ( Talk ) 12:45, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:23, 14 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:27, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9)  Greyman ( Talk ) 15:23, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * The second clause in this sentence, starting a document, reads awkwardly. I'm not sure what you're trying to say: "she also inherited the sacred scroll, a document where her long-dead relative had written a part of the Jedi Code."
 * 3) **Clarificated.
 * 4) * Please remove this unknown phrasing. Additionally, the latter half of the sentence will probably need to be relocated to somewhere more appropriate in the article: "Following this, it was unknown if she returned to wandering or remained on Yashuvhu"
 * 5) **Removified.
 * 6) * Ditto for this same sentence: "It was unknown if she returned to traveling with the assistance of those she met earlier in life or remained on Yashuvhu permanently"
 * 7) **Nixificated.
 * 8) * This sentence has a few issues. First, in accordance with previous objections, please remove the "unknown" phrasing. Secondly, it needs to be reworded to be written in appropriate past tense. Thirdly, unless the source explicitly states that she was possibly skilled in this manner and this is not just extrapolation, it would need to be removed entirely. "Details of all her abilities remains unknown, though it is possible that she was skilled with the ability to create Force illusions"
 * 9) **Reworkified into earlier part of paragraph.
 * 10) *Excellent BTS. Always a treat to read your articles, Fiolli. I demand more! Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:10, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **Thank you, sir! One more to go in the series.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:48, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 13) * Why is it "haz[sic]" in the quote? She's a Barabel, she speaks funny.
 * 14) **Yes, she does speak funny. Nevertheless, it is an intentional spelling by the original author and not a transcription error. This remains because that is proper etiquette regardless of how seemingly obvious, due to her species, such a misspelling might be or expected. Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:57, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * "...she eagerly learned of the Jedi and sought to join the Jedi Order." Eagerly seems like it's in the wrong place.
 * 16) **How so? I'm sorry, but I don't follow. "Eagerly" is the appropriate type of modifier for "learned" in this instance.
 * 17) ***I see what you are trying to say now.
 * 18) * "With her skill of learning languages, she quickly acquired a facility with Galactic Basic Standard." Perhaps rephrase:"as she was skilled with languages..."
 * 19) **Adjusted the sentence.
 * 20) * You use "wander" in two consecutive sentences in the intro.
 * 21) **Fixed.
 * 22) * Same thing but with "also" in the first paragraph of bio.
 * 23) **Fixed.
 * 24) * "...as she was known to have never had a mate." Why not "she never had a mate"?
 * 25) **Fixed.
 * 26) * "In 28 ABY, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker discovered a series of documents in the Chiss Expeditionary Library on Csilla regarding Valara Saar and her home planet while searching for information regarding Zonama Sekot." Too many "regarding's".
 * 27) **Fixed.
 * 28) * You use "wander" too much in P&T.
 * 29) **Fixed.
 * 30) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 14:10, 13 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 19:34, 22 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Second article from the Yashuvhi-style pasta specials. Refer to the first, Yashuvhu, as needed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:25, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Not really an objection, but could the image be cropped a bit, to around her waist? It's a pet peeve of mine to have lots of text adjacent to the infobox, and shortening the image would help that greatly. Excellent work as usual, Fiolli. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:59, 12 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't really have the capability to do that well on my computer at the moment. If someone else can, I'd have no objection. My only comment would be that quite a few articles link to that image, though a better one might be found on the Wizards website to use as the base image. Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:57, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I had a go at cropping it myself, but everything I came up with looked off. Probably best to leave as is :) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:12, 13 March 2008 (UTC)