Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 5) Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.

Dooku

 * Nominated by: Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Major issues listed here have been addressed.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Could still transition better, but nicely done. I'm confident that other reviews will improve this prose further.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Few minor points talked about in IRC. Thefourdotelipsis 04:04, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, everyone can stop editing it now. I've just checked ~530 links for disambigs and redirects and cleaned up a few dozen redundant ref tags and don't want to have to do it again! 8^Þ -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:48, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I've been reading this as you've been fixing objections, Yrf. Nice job, and good perseverance.  Greyman  @wikiajanitor ( Talk ) 13:34, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I'm very pleased with the revisions and additions. I look forward to a completely fresh article out of  you sometime; the sections I know to be originally written by you are quite impressive. Great work.  Graestan ( Talk ) 04:40, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *You've done a nice job, Yrfeloran, making some major additions to this article. Unfortunately, it's still quite a ways away from being up to FA standards. Without even reading through, I pick up on the following problems:
 * 3) * The infobox must be completely sourced, as does the succession box at the bottom of the page.
 * 4) **Done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Complete sourcing includes sourcing the "Era(s)" field. I've done this for you, but please source this next time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:44, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Any quotes within the article must go at the beginning of sections, after the subhead, not in the middle of paragraphs.
 * 7) **Most of those were residual old paragraphs - done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *The entire article is little more than 1-2 sentence paragraphs summarizing events. While I'm certainly not a huge prequel trilogy fan, having never read the majority of these sources, this tells me that you've done just that, quickly generalizing important topics while skipping out on juicy details. Featured Articles must be comprehensive, not only including material from all relevant sources, but also detailing that information to a great degree. An article like Dooku, for as much information is out there on him, should have dozens of paragraphs several sentences in length. It's just too thin right now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:50, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ** There was a formatting issue with some prior authors' styles, which I've now fixed. It now "looks better". As for actual content, there have been significant expansions and section mergings. Dooku's article over the period of the movies was probably more in-depth than recently re-FAd Grievous, for instance, even before I revamped it. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Please link this "duel" to an article. I suspect we have one. If not, please create one: "In a duel aboard the Separatist..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:04, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ** Um, it's merged into Battle of Coruscant (Clone Wars). Which is already linked. Yrfeloran 00:28, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***That's fine. Even better. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:51, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) LtNOWIS
 * 14) * Image:Quarren league.jpg, Image:DookuVSGrievous.jpg, and Image:DookuBTS.jpg need more specific sources. The Clone Wars shots need to specify which episodes, and the databank shot needs a link to the page it's from. -LtNOWIS 10:19, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Muuuuuurgh helped with this. Thanks, Muuuuuurgh! Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 17) * Needs a longer and more comprehensive intro.
 * 18) ** Intro has been expanded somewhat. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * I won't get specific, but it's way too light on detail. Most of the article is just short paragraph, then a new section.
 * 20) *This can be brought to FA, but it will take a lot of time and commitment. If you can do it, I commend you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:30, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) More stuff from me:
 * 22) * Both Sith Apprentice and Leaving the Order have paragrpahs that are no more than one or two sentences. Combine sentences in those sections or expand them.
 * 23) **Combination and expansion done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Combine the sections Jedi confrontation and successful escape.
 * 25) **Done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * You link way too much. Link onc ein the intro and then once in the body.
 * 27) **This was kind of inevitable, since the original article was overlinked and additions were made piecemeal. I think I've pruned about all of them Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * De-link the quote in Endgame.
 * 29) **Done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Remove the sentence about Quinlan Vos in the Legacy section.
 * 31) **done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) *I am very impressed with what you've done so far. Keep up the good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:48, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) From the legal pad scrawling of Atarumaster88
 * 34) * Lot of short paragraphs need fleshed out or combined with others.
 * 35) **I've done a fair bit of this. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) * I'd say remove some of the shorter sections by combining them with others also.
 * 37) ** And a lot of section combining Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) * Compare your appearances/sources list to the reference list. A quick check reveals no information from the following:
 * 39) ** Star Wars: Battlefront
 * 40) ** Some of those HoloNet news.
 * 41) ** Boba Fett: Crossfire
 * 42) ** Republic 49.
 * 43) ** Legacy of the Jedi
 * 44) ** And I'm sure there are more.
 * 45) ***Most of those were actually there - Legacy was ref'd 8 times, Crossfire and 49 were there but cited as Fight to Survive and 50. I did some expansion on the HNN stuff and added Battlefront. Yrfeloran 03:00, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Needs a non-canon appearance section. (Ugh)
 * 47) **I'm probably going to need help with this one. I've got the bare bones of one up. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***I see most of them done. Is there additional information in the LEGO video games that's not there yet? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) ****I've asked - apparently not Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) * Properly reference all Clone Wars cartoon series references by chapter.
 * 51) **Done for all IU refs Yrfeloran 03:35, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) *It's a lot better than it was, but still will need work, as others have already said. Feel free to drop by WP:NEGTC for additional help, though, or my talk page. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:27, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) From the full-fledged desk of Atarumaster88
 * 54) * Dooku's role in Jedi:Shaak Ti could use mention.
 * 55) **OK, it's got a mention Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * Same thing with Republic 54.
 * 57) **Somebody who's read this in the past year definitely needs to double-check, but added. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * I'm not seeing any information from the Shadowfeed.
 * 59) **Added Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) ***<There are three or four Shadowfeed appearances in the appearance list, but only 1 reference that I saw. Did you get them all?
 * 61) ****There's one trivial one, and the fragment of a Fete day address that doesn't have much content besides "we're awesome, Republic sucks" Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Mention Dooku's role in the Battle of Jabiim.
 * 63) **mentioned Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * Check also Republic 59, 60, and 61. I forget whether those have key mentions.
 * 65) ** They don't, but I added 64 Yrfeloran 00:58, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * Yoda's lesson to Dooku in EGTTF might be good P&T material.
 * 67) ** I was thinking about doing that, but it's hard to wedge it in. He's like 7, too. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ***Added an oblique mention in Childhood Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) * Your EGTTF refs, at least, are all off and are seemingly removing content from the article.There's a sentence or two missing from his tutelage under Cerulian. When you reference, your first reference to a source should like like, but your subsequent references should only include to avoid errors. And also, the field of , the blah part is just a placeholder and so you can abbreviate to shorten the code, just keep it understandable.
 * 70) **The Thame stuff was due to a different malformed reference that I fixed. I'll trim some of these as I come across them, but with the amount of paragraph merging/etc. going around it is really useful as an editor in this particular situation to have more than one ref linked. Also "blah" should be full source name per Layout Guide, which I agree with. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) ***Heh, I stand corrected. Though the use of abbreviated referencing is sorta common. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) ****Yeah, there's some legacy ones on the Dooku page, but on an article this size when you're editing a section at a time it's a -massive- pain to look up what the page's nickname of the source you want is. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * All your references have the same error, it appears.
 * 74) * " Though Dooku's behavior and beliefs as a Jedi had previously been within the scope of Jedi orthodoxy,[1] there is evidence that in the period before he left the Order he flirted with the belief that the dark side of the Force could be called upon without personal corruption.[17]." This sentence is OOU and should be rewritten to conform with the MoS. At the very least, the tense is wrong.
 * 75) **Fixed I guess. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * Lot of short sentences in the last paragraph of "Leaving the Order".
 * 77) **Made some a little longer? Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) * Need context on Palpatine. His double identity as Darth Sidious is not discussed, and the casual reader may not be awareof that.
 * 79) **Added this. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) * OOU/tense issues with this: "It is suspected that Dooku himself did this, but it is unclear how he accomplished it." also. Recall that EGTTF is an IU publication, if that helps.
 * 81) ** Fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * Jumps back and forth about his Sith status. He's supposed to be a Sith Lord in "Sith apprentice" but his Sith training is still ongoing during the Bando Gora episode. Clarify please.
 * 83) ** Noncontradictory. One becomes an apprentice first, then learns Sith stuff. See Vader. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) ***You have him listed as a "fully-fledged Sith Lord", not as a Sith apprentice, and then went on to later discuss his training.
 * 85) **** OK, removed the adjective Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * 2nd paragraph of "Moving the pieces" could use a more varied sentence syntax.
 * 87) **fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * "To the surprise of both parties, Dooku himself was present". Present where? Needs more context.
 * 89) ** Added context Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) * More context needed on initial mention of Vos and Secura.
 * 91) ** Added a little bit here. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 92) * More context needed on Ansion's alliances and Dooku's manipulations there.
 * 93) ** Added Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 94) * "The Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi then traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there, and also discovered the clone army that Dooku had once ordered. This army was now fully grown and ready for action." Condense this, but give some more context in general on Episode II. The Jedi rescue force in particular.
 * 95) ** OK, did a little more context.
 * 96) * Be specific about some Episode II details. List the factions involved in the CIS. List the creatures in the arena.
 * 97) ** Done, though the CIS stuff inevitably comes across as a little listy.
 * 98) * In general, it is not advisable to use the first names of characters. A few exceptions might include major characters, but not, say, Zam Wesell.
 * 99) ** OK Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * More detail on arena battle and Dooku's role in it.
 * 101) ** Uh, OK, added that he watched from the balcony :P Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * 2nd para of "The clones attack" is all short sentences.
 * 103) ** fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) * "spectacular duel" is POV.
 * 105) ** fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) * Sev'rance Tann's role in Dooku's escape from Geonosis, as well as the Dark Acolytes blocking Windu in their tanks should be mentioned.
 * 107) ** Like Padme falling out of the gunship, I don't think this is really directly relevant to Dooku's article. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 108) ***I'll accept the explanation on the tanks, but I think Sev'rance Tann's role as the chief commander of the droid armies could use some explanation, and that ties in well with her role in helping Dooku escape. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) ****I added a little more context with Tann in the proper section. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) *You're about halfway to my ending catchphrase, but I think there's plenty here for now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) " Even as the Separatist movement grew and coalesced around Dooku as a leader, the Jedi Council did not believe he could be behind the violence.[24] although he". I think your reference is eating some of your text here.
 * 112) **fixed Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 113) * 3 short paragraphs in "A new ally" could use merging.
 * 114) ** I did a little bit of addition, but I think merging those paragraphs would hurt more than it'd help Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) * More context needed on "Sidious said that it did not matter either way.".
 * 116) ** Added Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 117) * This is related to above, but Tann's role and actions are never explained properly in relation to Dooku.
 * 118) **Tried to address this Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) * Again, check your linking. A lot of things are overlinked, but don't worry too much about it; that can be corrected automatically.
 * 120) * The first name thing is fine with say, Anakin and Obi-Wan as long as it's not overrused, but certainly not with minor characters. Nothing you haven't seen before. ;-)
 * 121) ** I'll fix it as I go, but not for, say, Tallisibeth Enwandung-Esterhazy Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) ***Spoilsport. :-P Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 123) * Just a general suggestion: Try reading the article aloud to see how it flows. Parts of it don't read that well, and a few small tweaks would fix those.
 * 124) * The section title "Miscellaneous villainy" needs reworded. Dare I say it doesn't sound encyclopediac?
 * 125) **Unencyclopediac...but -so- true. OK, reworded. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) * These two don't flow well together: "Droids planted charges on the planet and prepared for detonation. The Separatist-allied inhabitents of Viidaav would have also been killed."
 * 127) **Reworded whole section Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) * "Miscellaneous villainy" has a large number of short paragraphs and the content is disjointed. Let the prose flow within you.
 * 129) **It's hard. Mostly random CWA stuff. Gave it a shot Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) * Short paragraphs in meeting on Vjun.
 * 131) **Did some work there. Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) *" She had previously been defeated and humiliated by Anakin Skywalker on Coruscant.[61] However, a Republic fleet arrived before the process was completed." These two have no tie-in, and don't flow well together either.
 * 133) **Added more context Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) * Last paragraph on Saleucami needs more context, or give background on the battle more towards the beginning. Either way.
 * 135) **done Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) * "Sidious also ordered Grievous to attack Coruscant and simultaneously to the Separatist assault on Tythe." Clarify this sentence.
 * 137) **did so Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) * "General Grievous was unaware that his hapless captive was also the feared mastermind behind the Confederation. Dooku arrived on the Invisible Hand and took charge of the prisoner." These two sentences don't flow well together.
 * 139) **Tried to segue better Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 140) * Link the Invisible Hand.
 * 141) **It was linked in the first mention Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 142) * Link to the saber forms and even provide some context on them if you feel it would be good.
 * 143) **I'd prefer not to, having just rescued the article from an unhealthy obsession with Makashi. I have some in the lightsaber training section, but it needs to stay out of the ROTS fight or else it will morph into "Ataru beat Makashi" instead of "Anakin beat Dooku". Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 144) ***Fair enough. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:35, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 145) *" In a burst of power, Anakin overpowered Dooku". The power of the sentence is a mite overwhelming.
 * 146) **did some rewording Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 147) * Remove the section header "Revelation". It's unnecessary and interrupts the events on Invisible Hand
 * 148) **OK....I did this, but I'm not sure I'm happy with it. Lose "Kill him now" quote, for one. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 149) * Redlinks. Waaaay too many.
 * 150) **Down to three now Yrfeloran 04:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 151) *Keep working on it. Chances are that this'll go through a couple more reviews, but don't give up; this has potential. Have a Super Terrific Friendly-Unfrustrating Day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 152) From the squalid cublicle of Graestan (Part One):
 * 153) * Abbreviating the ref names would be most helpful in an article of such scope.
 * 154) **I abbreviated prime offender Essential Guide to the Force, but most everything else is linked only a few times. Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 155) * More thorough and consistent linking is desired.
 * 156) * POV-ish statements abound. "Legendary" and "vastly overmatched" in particular. I suggest going over the article, seeking out anything that isn't inherently neutral or makes value judgments not specifically established by canon.
 * 157) * It's pretty thoroughly established precedent in featured articles that aside from a few whole-name mentions, last names are to be used except in instances of multiple individuals mentioned in the article having the same last name. Please look through and change accordingly; I've already done a bit of Jinning Qui-Gons.
 * 158) **FWIW, for main characters, IMO, such as Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, etc. it's permissible to use first names provided it's not overly done. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 159) ***Who says? You? I had a round-and-round debate with about ten users that told me otherwise a few months ago. I'm sticking with their consensus that I wasn't a part of. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 160) ****Heh, well, I'd talked to Greyman and Toprawa about it for Wormhead, and they said that using "Luke" instead of constantly stating "Skywalker" was okay. Perhaps we should come to a better understanding on this issue at the next Inq meeting. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 161) * "Building from this foundation" doesn't really sit well with me.
 * 162) **I've rephrased this whole section Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 163) * Calling Cerulian a historian and then stating that his interests were in history is a bit redundant.
 * 164) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 165) * "Historically knowledgeable and politically apt" implies that he had a history of being knowledgeable and was apt for political reasons. Please rephrase; a shame, that was a pretty one.
 * 166) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 167) * "Dooku and Qui-Gon were forced to surrender to the pirates when Colicoid Eradicator droids threatened the factory's child workers, and were injected with toxins that paralyzed them and rendered them unconscious." – Clarify who has what done. Also, give a little explanation of motivations.
 * 168) **The scene itself is a little confusing - it's unclear who they surrendered too, and it's unclear who injected the, I did some cleanup Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 169) *More later. Thanks for your time. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:53, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 170) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan (Part Two):
 * 171) * "one of the only ones" – Yuck; reword, please.
 * 172) **Reworded this Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 173) * Vosa was his second Padawan, not a second Padawan, which would be a no-no. Please revise.
 * 174) **Cleaned up, though I daresay you could have fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 175) ***Actually, was asking for clarity. She could have been a second without my knowing it. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 176) * "This was in a way the truth" steps a bit too far out of the universe for comfort.
 * 177) **Fixed. See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 178) * Explain that the Death Watch are Mandalorians.
 * 179) **Got it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 180) * The transition from Galidraan to Baltizaar, then back to Galidraan is a bit rough. Can this be rearranged?
 * 181) ** Slightly tweaked Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 182) * No setup for Maul?
 * 183) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 184) * Was his bust in the Archives before or after he left? Please clarify.
 * 185) **Clarified Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 186) * It is stated twice that Dooku retired to Serenno and so forth.
 * 187) **I think someone fixed this - it looks okay to me. Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 188) * An explanation for Sifo-Dyas's order with the Kaminoans is required. Why, who it was for, etc.
 * 189) **There's...not much I can do with this. Sifo-Dyas's motivations are still entirely unclear. It's a fuzzy, confused area of canon that makes very little plot sense. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 190) ***Not even that it was speculated that he foresaw some need, and that the order was for the Republic? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 191) ****It's unsettled enough that it's speculation still, and it's not out of the question that he was working for Sidious somehow. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 192) *****I could swear that I read somewhere about what I laid out&mdash;Sifo-Dyas's foresight. Is it possible some source material should be checked? And at the very least, that he placed the order in the name of the Republic should be stated. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 193) ******Okay, I did some tweaking Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 194) * No mention of the Dagobah system's deletion?
 * 195) **Sure, threw it in. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 196) * Establish what the Deep Core is.
 * 197) **Done Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 198) * Okay, I demand either an Equipment section or at least a longer mention of the solar sailer in the bio. Also, Geonosian sailing vessels? Are we talking in space, or on Geonosis's as-yet-unseen seas?
 * 199) **Added some stuff Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 200) * "ex-Mandalorians" – This can't be worded right. Aren't they Mandalorian by culture, not so much affiliation?
 * 201) **Fixed Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 202) ***For what it's worth, I think the term "ex-Mandalorian" is used in Legacy: Noob. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 203) * No setup for Nat Secura.
 * 204) **Touched this up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 205) * "of the &hellip; of the" in the next paragraph reads awkwardly.
 * 206) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 207) * "While gathering support for secession from the Republic" – This has literally no context whatsoever.
 * 208) **Rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 209) * It should be explained why Sidious was interested in Sheelal.
 * 210) **Done Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 211) * What personal grievance against the Huks? This reads something like a teaser; please go into some detail.
 * 212) **This wasn't really critical, so I removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 213) * No mention of when and why Grievous took up his name.
 * 214) **I had this wrong and removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 215) * Honestly, I'd rewrite the Grievous section. It needs to read a bit more like a story.
 * 216) **Grievous section rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 217) *More later. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:18, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 218) From the Family-sized Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 219) *I've made a good way through the article, fixing up some things doing a first-run copyedit. Here are some other thoughts within the Biography section, divided by subsection&hellip;
 * 220) *Childhood:
 * 221) ** "However, Lorian Nod was jealous of Dooku being chosen as a Padawan before him, and stole a Sith holocron from the quarters of Thame Cerulian." By linking these sentences you are saying that there is a connection between Nod's jealousy and him stealing the holocron. If this is the case, state what the connection is. Otherwise, sever the sentences.
 * 222) ***It's Jude Watson logic. I did some more expansion there. Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 223) ** Nothing precedes the next sentence stating that Nod was caught. If added as an introductory clause, you will have to restructure this sentence.
 * 224) ***Expanded stuff Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 225) ** Did Nod and Dooku become bitter enemies before or after they went before the council? Something seems out of order here; though, this may be cleared up if it is stated that (and how, if possible) Nod was caught.
 * 226) ***see above Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 227) ** "His teacher sat on the Jedi Council, and was a keen historian, even inquiring into the history of the Sith." I'm not quite sure why this sentence is here or its overall relevance. It could simply be stated above that Cerulian sat on the Council by working it into his initial introduction, unless he was not seated on it by that time. Does the fact that Cerulian inquired into the Sith play a role for Dooku somehow? If not, I would strongly advise that this not be included.
 * 228) ***Did some tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 229) ** I suggest combining the last two paragraphs into one, with the first beginning "Even under the tutelage of Cerulian, Master Yoda&hellip;" Then, the current location of this similar clause would become "With the combined influences of his Master and others, Dooku became&hellip;"
 * 230) ***Someone else did this; I did some further tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 231) ****I still ended up combining them. Two sentence paragraphs are, by and large, discouraged.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 232) *Knight and Master:
 * 233) ** Link to Lorian Nod's headquarters.
 * 234) ***I ended up doing this, as well. Be aware that it creates a red link, but having an article for this would be necessary eventually.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 235) ****I know I mentioned this to you on IRC, but the place is so completely undescribed and unnotable that I don't think an article on it would serve any purpose. Yrfeloran 18:56, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 236) *****It may not seem like it is necessary, but it I prefer completeness on behalf of the encyclopedia.
 * 237) ** "Dooku acted as a teacher to Jinn, not a friend, and the two drifted apart in later years." Later years implies that they drifted as they both got 'old and gray.' I remember reading that they gradually drifted apart over the years but that it began almost immediately after Jinn was knighted. If I am correct in remembering this, you might want to reword this sentence.
 * 238) ***I deleted it- it wasn't really necessary Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 239) ****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 240) ** "The Council soon agreed that his skills made him well suited for such field work." Soon? I don't follow; don't think this word belongs in there.
 * 241) ***Cut soon Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 242) *Galidraan:
 * 243) ** The subsection title isn't all that descriptive and doesn't really encompass all that is covered in this subsection. I would encourage a change, though others might not see the need to do so.
 * 244) ***I'd kind of prefer to keep it - Galidraan's a very critical event in Dooku's character arc. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 245) ****Fair enough.
 * 246) ** Komari Vosa isn't mentioned until the Galidraan subsection, but I believe should be mentioned in the subsection prior. Possibly, you could simply include it right after the "Old Guard" sentence. Unless, of course, Vosa was taken as a Padawan when the uprising began. Any other information you can add on Vosa and Dooku's reaction/thoughts toward/reasons for taking/etc. would be very useful in the relocated area.
 * 247) ***Motivations? I wish. We don't even have a real motivation for him becoming a Sith Lord :P. Moved Vosa. Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 248) ** "This was partially true, as he had hired Jango Fett and his followers, the True Mandalorians, to eliminate his own enemies, and was now working with Fett's enemy Vizsla and the Mandalorian splinter faction known as the Death Watch to destroy Fett and his faction." Very heavily this reads. This should be broken up into two, possibly three sentences.
 * 249) ***I expanded this Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 250) ** "Dooku submitted a protest to the Jedi Council after Baltizaar, arguing that the Council was wasting Jedi lives for political reasons." Expand.
 * 251) ***IIRC, that's about all the information provided from EGTTF. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 252) ****What Ataru said Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 253) *****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 254) *Leaving the Order:
 * 255) ** "He was the last former Jedi Master to be counted among the Lost Twenty, and a bronzium bust of him was created to join the other sculptures of the Lost in the Jedi Archives." So, he was already one of the "Lost Twenty" before he left the Order? Reword and clarify.
 * 256) ***I did a little expansion here Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 257) *Sith apprentice:
 * 258) ** "Shortly after Dooku left the Order, Master Sifo-Dyas ordered a clone army in secret from the planet Kamino." There is a syntax error somewhere in there that makes the "in secret" part not work. Which are you considering secret or secretive?
 * 259) ***Think I fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 260) ****Yes, that makes it work.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 261) ** "Information about secret Jedi hyperspace routes through the Deep Core region in the center of the galaxy were also stolen." Stolen or erased? Double check this. If you can confirm this as stolen, do not use "also" as it implies that these things had the same done to them. Rather, use "In addition", or "Additionally," at the head of the sentence.
 * 262) ***I'll do this later, but yes, stolen. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 263) **** Ok. I remembered it incorrectly. Nevertheless, I would change the head of the sentence as suggested per it being stolen.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 264) *****Touched up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 265) ******I'm still trying to fathom why Dooku would need to steal them. :)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 266) *Moving the pieces
 * 267) ** "On a mission to the planet Geonosis, on Sidious's behalf, he impressed Archduke Poggle the Lesser with his knowledge of ancient Geonosian atmospheric sailing vessels and was presented with a Punworcca 116-class interstellar sloop." You should separate the ship presentation from the rest of the sentence.
 * 268) ***Done Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 269) ** "Dooku's Sith training was soon interrupted by Sidious with an urgent matter." Earlier in the last section it is mentioned that Dooku was under instruction of Sidious, but this is an overt statement about training. What training? It is not clearly mentioned earlier and should be if he was in fact "training" in the ways of the dark side of the Force. Expand.
 * 270) ***Sidious mentions he's interrupting Dooku's training in Bounty Hunter, but we never directly see the training itself, though Dooku very vaguely refers to it in Labyrinth of Evil Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 271) **** If it is that strongly referred to, it merits a mention. We may not see it, but if it is stated, then it would be a far statement to say that it occurred.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 272) *****Made small additions here. Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 273) ******Thank you. This works better now.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 274) ** "Dooku had previously encountered Vosa in her new identity and allowed her to live as an experiment, but now Sidious commanded her death." If she was seen or encountered earlier, she should probably be mentioned earlier. Expand.
 * 275) ***Heh! More events only known about from Bounty Hunter dialogue. Very vague paraphrase from memory: Sidious:"You didn't kill her the last time you met. Why?" Dooku: *shifty* "An experiment." Sidious: "The experiment has failed. I want her dead." No more details than that. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 276) **** I'd reword the sentence then to say something along the lines of "Even though Dooku did not divulge his reasoning, he kept Vosa alive as an 'experiment'." (Single quotes would become double quotes in the text. In this instance, something to this effect covers all the bases – tweaks in wording give the reader the knowledge that nothing more can be found on this topic.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 277) *****I did some rephrasing Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 278) *A pair of miscellaneous thoughts:
 * 279) **Yes, this is only the first part, but do not be discouraged. Many, many authors have had their hands in the text since it has been created and you are doing a nice job ironing it out as best as possible. I commend you for this.
 * 280) **If you cite something at the end of a compound sentence, it is etiquette to make certain that both parts of the sentence are from that source. If not, cite the other source after the comma and before the conjunction. If the sentence isn't compound, try to avoid mid-sentence citations unless you are listing things out.
 * 281) *Keep up the good work and I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:12, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 282) Seconds from Fiolli's Pasta Bowl:
 * 283) *Moving the pieces:
 * 284) ** Not really an objection, but this needs to be at least addressed. Poggle the Lesser is mentioned in the Grievous section as being a part of Dooku's group to recruit the general. Was this an extension of their prior relationship and was this relationship what helped to prompt Geonosis to secede from the Republic?
 * 285) ***Poggle's actually Sidious's minion...i added a mention that he was Dooku's ally. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 286) *Creating Grievous:
 * 287) ** "They planted an ion bomb was on Grievous's shuttle Martyr." Huh?
 * 288) ***Did a little more expanding here Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 289) ** "Dooku personally trained Grievous in lightsaber combat, turning the cyborg became a deadly killer of Jedi." The last half of this reads funny. I think I know what you are trying to say, but it is awkward.
 * 290) ***Oh, this was an error. Changed Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 291) *Birth of Seperatists:
 * 292) ** "Separatist sentiment soon spread, and on some planets turned into armed resistance against the Republic." Syntactic error.
 * 293) ***Tweaked Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 294) ** "Dooku's next move was to try and bring the planet Ansion into the future Confederacy." The Confederacy doesn't exist yet. You're still talking about the birth of a movement, refer to the Separatist movement instead.
 * 295) ***Changed this. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 296) ** "Shu Mai had also handled a small rebellion among the secret supporters of secession in the Commerce Guild." Handled doesn't seem to work. I'm not sure what this sentence really means.
 * 297) ***Changed to 'dealt with' Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 298) **"Industrialist Tam Uliss wished to step up their plans and go public despite Ansion's failure to secede. Shu Mai informed Dooku that she had given this faction an object lesson by killing Tam Uliss in a staged accident. Dooku was pleased, telling Shu Mai that their plans were nearing completion." What plans? Secession? The same plans as Dooku?
 * 299) ***Frequently referred to but never quite explained Republic-destroying plans. Tweaked. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 300) ***As with Sidious, nobody actually sees the plan. They're just assured everything is going according to it. ;) Tweaked.Yrfeloran 22:08, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 301) ****Clear up "go public" then. The plans I was referring to are Mai's plans.
 * 302) *****Seriously, I've reread The Approaching Storm, and this is the best I can do. Mai and the Corporate Alliance's thwarted plans of what they'll do if Ansion secedes are also really really vague Republic-destroying plans that aren't explained Yrfeloran 02:16, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 303) ******Sorry to keep dragging this out, but "Republic-destroying" is much more specific than what is in the text at the moment and adding that would more than suffice. Also, what do you mean by "go public"?  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 304) *Conspiracy revealed:
 * 305) ** "Kenobi found Jango Fett there, as well as the clone army that Dooku had once ordered." It is stated above (in the text) that Sifo-Dyas ordered the army, but Dooku paid for it. Please fix.
 * 306) ***Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 307) ** "Dooku then told Obi-Wan that Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord, had control over the Senate. and made one last appeal for Obi-Wan to defect, saying that together they could destroy the Sith." Do you want this separated into two sentences or as one? I like the idea of two, personally.
 * 308) ***Oh, that was sloppy of me. Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 309) *I am going to have to stop here for now. I apologize that this is taking so long. Things are looking much better, Yrf. Congrats. I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 310) Now onward to the Fiolli's Special Antipasto
 * 311) *Arena bloodbath:
 * 312) ** "He did not, however, as it was not the Jedi way." Some might disagree, but unless this is stated in the text explicitly, I think this violates NPoV and should not be included.
 * 313) ***It is (it's actually a major point in Shatterpoint), but I changed it anyway Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 314) ****Okay.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:25, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 315) *Jedi confrontation:
 * 316) ** "Leaping into action, the two engaged in a spectacular duel." Check PoV. Tone down "spectacular" to something like "fierce."
 * 317) ***Done Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 318) *Early conflicts:
 * 319) ** "Encountering one another in the cargo bay of Dooku's ship for the second time, Dooku stated his curiosity about the Force Harvester's effects on a Jedi." Wording suggests that this the second time in the ship's cargo bay rather than the second time over all.
 * 320) ***Changed Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 321) ** "He used the Harvester on Aargonar, Bakura and Mon Calamari before retreating to Thule to prepare the rest of the Dark Reaper for use." Do we know any of the effects the usage had on these places?
 * 322) ***I think I've addressed this. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 323) ****Where? I don't see it. If it is addressed, it should be where the usage of the Harvester is first mentioned.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 324) *****I added something about life-force draining. Long term impact - well, we don't know, but it obviously wasn't too bad.
 * 325) ******I'm going to strike this so that the nomination isn't held up, but I still think things in this section could be touched up.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 326) ** "Dooku's plan for the Dark Reaper was finally thwarted when the Jedi attacked Thule. He unleashed the Force Harvester on the Republic's forces, but Anakin Skywalker destroyed it in the battle, having learned from a hologram of the ancient Jedi Ulic Qel-Droma how to resist the effects of the Sith weapon. With the Force Harvester gone, and Prax also slain by Skywalker shortly before, Dooku fled the field." Nice flow to this, the first sentence is good. Yet, I would prefer that Prax's death be listed before the destruction of the Reaper since it happened first; try to keep these things chronological unless it is revealed that way in the text.
 * 327) ***Changed it. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 328) ** "Following the death of Sev'rance Tann, his favored general, Dooku needed to find someone to replace her as the commander of his armies. Dooku had three choices: Asajj Ventress, Durge, and Grievous." This introduction seems orphaned. While I think I know what you are referring to, much has been described since the death of Tann. The top of "A new ally" strongly suggests that Ventress had already replaced Tann. Clarify. This is going to take some work and possibly a partial rewrite of this section.
 * 329) ***Ventress was not doing General stuff - tweaked this a bit.Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 330) ****Good enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 331) *Good luck. More later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:15, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 332) Some grass clippings:
 * 333) * Overlinking really needs to be addressed. Perhaps you could request Darth Culator to run the Auto Wiki Browser over the article. Otherwise, the time-tested CTRL+F method serves me well, and I suggest it.
 * 334) **He did. Then someone added more redundant links. I think I've trimmed most of them.Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 335) * Aside from the templates, the Tales information in "Birth of the Separatist movement" reads completely out of place in relation to the surrounding text. Please tweak, especially, the first clause of the Tales section.
 * 336) **Tweaked. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 337) * "traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there" – This is redundant.
 * 338) **Did some adjustments. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 339) * Are we going to capitalize Senator in every instance or not? It isn't only being used capitalized as a title in the article, as it stands. Please decide; perhaps the Manual of Style could shed light.
 * 340) **Fixed. Yrfeloran 18:07, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 341) * Most of the images in the article are sized quite a bit too small. Please make most of them at least 25% larger.
 * 342) **Cool beans; my eyes no longer hurt. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:26, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 343) * First and last name usage, if we're going to fight over which is to be used, needs to at least be consistent. Please, I implore you, switch over to the commonly accepted practice of full-name usage for first mentions, followed by last names only except where last names are shared. It would really make the article seem more professional.
 * 344) **I think I've cleaned up the article nowYrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 345) * On the subject of consistency, have you gone through and rewritten whatever doesn't line up with your style of writing? The sections still seem disjointed. For instance, "Birth of the Separatist movement" is quite masterfully written in relation to "A conspiracy revealed." Please let me know what's been done so far.
 * 346) **I've done a little rewriting all around Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 347) * "Lightsabers" section should be expanded to "Equipment" section describing his garb, his ship, and a subsection on the lightsabers.
 * 348) **Done. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 349) ***Excellent job on that. I really am impressed. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:40, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 350) * The addition of external links would be an excellent move for such a popular topic. Please add Databank entries and anything official, especially if Chris Lee interviews or similar material is out on the internet to be had.
 * 351) **Excellent job on that; I am very pleased. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:20, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 352) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:14, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 353) Can we get a little addition to the Biography? In the Essential Guide to the Force there is a vignette on page 68 of an encounter between Dooku and Yoda when Dooku is seven. QuentinGeorge 08:55, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 354) *It's already obliquely mentioned. It's kind of...not that notable, though. It's a day in the life of Youngling Dooku. I've added another mention in P&T - it's much more of a P&T event than a biography one. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 355) Time for the Spumoni, Fiolli-style:
 * 356) * First things, first: Please clarify the blood transfusion. "In addition, Sifo-Dyas's blood was transfused into Grievous during his reconstruction as an experiment in midi-chlorian transplantation." It needs to be stated that Force adeptness does not transfer. See the midi-chlorian article, which Lord Hydronium has brought up to par very, very nicely.
 * 357) ** I'm not sure it helps the flow of the article to include that information, but sure. Yrfeloran 05:49, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 358) ***It was a necessary clarification. Thank you for adding it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 359) * Last sentence of 1.5.2: "&hellip;and drove one more dark side wedge into his soul." Not NPoV. Please change.
 * 360) **Eh, toned down a little Yrfeloran 18:07, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 361) ***Much, much better. Thanks.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 362) *1.6: "Few of Dooku's students survived him. Dooku's acolyte and student Asajj Ventress may have escaped Darth Vader and the Jedi Purge, since Palpatine's clone still believed she had died at Boz Pity well after the Battle of Endor." Expand. If only a few survived him, which ones? Why the speculation on Asajj Ventress; is there something to strongly indicate she survived or is this speculation/OR ?
 * 363) **Dooku has a bunch of misc force-sensitive goons, and we don't know what happened to a couple of them. And (as you quoted), Clone Palpatine IU thinks Asajj died at Boz Pity, which indicates she wasn't purged. Though that's subject to canon having a better idea later, of course. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 364) *** One last thing, the Battle of Boz Pity was before Endor. Are you certain that last sentence is correct or are there different events (which should be then linked)?  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 365) * 3.2: Him taming a Krayt dragon is mentioned and cited. This is very notable and should be included in the appropriate spot of the biography.
 * 366) **Uh, well, it's a very -random- greater Krayt dragon. It shows up in an undated flashback to the Clone Wars on an unknown planet where Dooku has a miscellaneous lair. Dooku is teaching Vos to mind control animals. Context for how Dooku got it off Tatooine, or if it was already there when he took over wherever the place was, etc. is entirely missing. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 367) ***It seems that you have some information to place it. I guess if it can't be placed clearly, then it is fine.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 368) * Numbered subsection 11 and 12 (above) still each have an objection outstanding.
 * 369) **Commented on those. Yrfeloran 05:49, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 370) *** Two last objections outstanding. One in 11, one it this subsection. Thanks.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 371) *I know I skipped around for this one, but I am bypassing the Clone Wars section for now&mdash;as far as being in-depth is concerned&mdash; and it may be revisited later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 372) Image objections:
 * Image:Count Dooku headshot gaze.jpg is fairly low quality.
 * 1) **Eh...it looks fine in the context of the article, so I don't really see the issue.Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Dooku-Yoda Early Life.JPG is horribly scanned.
 * 1) **Ozzel did a new scan, but the source material was done on cheap paper, etc.Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Dooku Open Seasons.jpg is distorted.
 * 1) **It looks pretty much exactly like my copy.Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Mastersdookuandsifo.jpg is low-res and distorted. Surely this can be re-scanned.
 * 1) *Remove either Image:First Dooku lightsaber.jpg or Image:DookuSaber-MR.jpg from the "Lightsabers" section, and move Image:Sailer NEGVV.jpg to the right. The way it's currently set up makes the section seem cluttered.
 * 2) **I've shrunk the lightsaber images, but I feel all three images are necessary to the section. It's not like there's six lightsaber images like in certain articles. Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:Dooku Young-Old.JPG is horribly scanned.
 * 1) **Ozzel has uploaded a new version and says it's the best that can be done given the cheapness of the original comic. Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *And finally, remove Image:Dookubust.jpg from the Appearances section.
 * 3) **Done Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * --Imperialles 13:36, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Former featured article. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I am happy to see someone tackle this and I would encourage you, Yrfeloran, to hack away at it. For what it's worth, I recall (several months ago) noticing that numerous chunks of fanon and fan speculation had made their way into this article, so as the revision process continues, I'd recommend proceeding suspiciously, never assuming that a source tag is legit unless yourself added or checked it. (I haven't even really looked at it yet, though, so for all I know somebody already cleansed it.)  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 12:39, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I did a good deal of the sourcing myself, and have spot-checked most of the rest. There was a serious fanon/NPOV purge that I did, and the non-biographical sections are now shorter. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Note to self: Done up to Clone Wars. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Small input from Tinwe, concerning the lightsaber Dooku used as a Jedi: I'd like to point you to the direction of this image. It shows that Dooku used the curve-hilt design already as a Padawan (I'm not 100% sure if this is his own saber or just another training saber&mdash;though at least I have never seen a curve-hilted one). Whatever the case, I think it deserves to be mentioned in the article. --Tinwe 16:09, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There's a mention in the continuity section of the BtS. As a book cover, the Legacy of the Jedi cover is not really canon. Especially since there's no scene with young Dooku wielding his own saber in the actual book, and the whole montage is kinda, IMHO, poorly done. Yrfeloran 00:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I could use some more feedback on this(objections or votes). I'd be happy to address any concerns with the article. Yrfeloran 01:51, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Curiously enough, our own articles place Tann's attack on Alaris Prime before Dooku's use of the Force Harvester. Just a thought. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:37, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Ack...I think the article initially had them that way. I'll double-check when I get back, but you're probably right. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * They're both 1 month ABG, and they're both extended campaigns that overlap. Because Dooku's personally involved in the Harvester campaign and I'm segueing in from what he's doing with Fett on Raxus Prime before hand, I think it makes sense to cover the whole Harvester campaign first, and then mention he's advising Tann as well. Yrfeloran 15:04, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There seems to be an overabundance of small, two- and three-sentence paragraphs. Don't be afraid to merge these, or to write larger paragraphs, as long as the prose flows well. Inline citations within paragraphs are acceptable.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:46, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm finding net access while abroad a little more difficult than I thought, but commented on a few objections. I'll still be gone for several more days. Keep the objections coming, I'll have plenty of time to address them when I get back Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm aware of the burgeoning Clone Wars continuity clusterkriff, and will adjust as necessary. Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All my objections addressed.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Second Battle of Onderon (Naddist Uprising)

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 18:18, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Round two.

(6 Inqs/1 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) The wheel in the sky keeps on turning...  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:09, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Great!--Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 11:49, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:32, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:23, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 00:18, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Thefourdotelipsis 00:39, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * All the Naddist vehicles in the infobox should be linked to articles, even if they're those infamous conjecturally titled vehicle articles. And Republic trooper should be a redirect to something, most likely Republic Army. -LtNOWIS 19:11, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thank you for looking. Much of this information I got from the TOTJ/DLOTS audio, but I think that I can just pipelink the types of vehicles thse items are, as they are pretty much general use anyway. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 20:16, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * *Hmm, I guess we generally don't have conjectural articles for types of artillery, though we probably should. But the "Dark side assault shuttle" should have it's own article, as should the siege vehicles. You shouldn't link to war machine, as I believe that's a specific different model of vehicle. It's better to create a new, conjectural article like Jedi skiff. Or just keep it a redlink, since you can have a couple of those. -LtNOWIS 04:05, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thanks for the read! —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 13:54, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. -LtNOWIS 21:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the demented desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * The FAN template is not on the article. Please add it.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Expand the intro please.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Third paragraph has the wrong tense.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Link Satal and Aleema when they’re first mentioned.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * "In truth, they had come to Coruscant in search of knowledge of the ancient Sith, and more specifically, for anything related to the dark side." May just be me, but this sentence seems to need some rewording to me. Perhaps cut the part out about the Sith, because the dark side is more broad than the Sith, IMO.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "The real prize was Master Arca Jeth, whom King Ommin captured while Ulic and Warb Null dueled." A change to "attempted to capture" might be better.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * I don't see a link to Oron Kira before the last paragraph of Trouble in Iziz, so please link that.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * There needs to be some context between these two sentences. "The Ketos were able to escape the wreckage with their lives, and managed to seek out authentic practitioners of the dark side. These darksiders in turn brought them before Onderon's ruler, the Sith sorcerer King Ommin." How did they find a darksider?
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * De-link Oss, Tott and Cay the second time.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * These two sentences are a bit droll. "Nomi was alright, and told Ulic that it was an old man who attacked her through the Force. Ulic immediately knew it to be King Ommin. He told Nomi that Ommin ruled Onderon under the power of Sith magic, and that he also managed to subdue Master Arca with it."
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Again, please de-link Freedon Nadd and Tetan.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * Same with Ommin, Nadd and Tetan in Aftermath.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * No need for italics for Republic army and capitalize Onderon here: "It is here that she is chosen to lead not the Jedi, but the Republic Fleet in the battle for Onderon. Also, the other Jedi Knights that arrived on onderon in the comic with Nomi, were nowhere mentioned in the audio drama."
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:33, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 30) *Preliminary objections:
 * 31) * I've tinkered with your infobox a little bit, but it's still kind of messy, and I'd like to try and clean it up a little bit with your assistance. Please discuss this with me in IRC.
 * 32) **I'll be in & out, looking for you.
 * 33) * Your image arrangement is just not good. The first half of the article is virtually blank and then the second half is suddenly cluttered with tiny, hard-to-see images. This needs to be handled somehow. I would recommend removing a few that don't necessarily need to be there, specifically the picture of Aleema and Satal.
 * 34) **That's funny you mention that, because I've been conflicted about some of the images myself, particularly the one with Arca & Nadd (which technically happened in the battle before). I'll move some around, I just have to figure out the new arrangement.
 * 35) ***Addressed.
 * 36) * I would like to see an expansion of this sentence elaborating on what the Onderonian threat is, specifically: "hearing called to discuss the growing Onderonian threat."
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * You would probably do well to expand the introduction in general, doing what you can to elaborate on the concepts you introduce.
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) * Your introduction sentence in the first section of the article needs to do a better job of summing up the history of events leading up to this point. You just drop the reader into the situation as if he knows what's happening. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:18, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) **Addressed.
 * 42) * This sentence is really rough. Too many "Jedi's" and tense confusion. Please rewrite: "The Tchuukthai Jedi implored the assembly to come to the Jedi's aid, reminding them that the Jedi have aided the Republic for generations."
 * 43) **Addressed.
 * 44) * Additionally, the rest of that paragraph is unnecessarily PBP and needs to be heavily condensed. Avoid overly wordy sentences, and do not refer to people by their first names. Full name upon first mention, last names for all subsequent mentions, please.
 * 45) **Addressed.
 * 46) * Little context for Beast Riders, please: "the Jedi and Beast Riders"
 * 47) **Addressed.
 * 48) * The last two paragraphs of the "Trouble in Iziz" section are in need of a complete rewrite while remembering to never assume that reader knows what something or someone is. Don't just throw the reader into a situation with no background introduction, and please condense anything that is unnecessary to primary scope of this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:17, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 50) * This needs some kind of context. The descriptions tells me who she is, Ommin's daughter, but why is the daughter of the enemy siding with the Jed? Very brief context needed here: "Qel-Droma and Queen Galia escaped the tunnels, closely followed by a contingent of her father's Dark Side Army."
 * 51) **Addressed, with your assistance.
 * 52) * This phrase is just really too euphemistic. Please just succinctly say he died, and how: "Kark became one with the Force when he met an untimely end on the battlefield."
 * 53) **Addressed.
 * 54) * Please link to whatever his apparatus article is: "depending on a steel armature for physical support"
 * 55) **Addressed.
 * 56) * Please think of a better section title than "King Ommin." That doesn't tell me what's happening in there, except that Ommin is somehow involved.
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) * Please tack a little bit onto where it says Ommin died that Novar died as well, to supplement your infobox Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:04, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) **Addressed.
 * 60) Grass clippings:
 * 61) * Image:Tales of the Jedi - The Freedon Nadd Uprising 031.jpg has visible frame and quite a bit of distortion; I suggest a rescan. Image:2ndBattleOfOnderon.jpg could stand to have the bottom of that dialogue box cropped out. Image:JediStrikeForce.jpg should have that yellow at bottom cropped out. What is that?
 * 62) **Addressed, though I don't see what you are seeing as far as the JediStrikeForce.jpg goes. I think you and I use two different monitors...
 * 63) ***The yellow at bottom right. Also, that dialogue box in the other image is still there. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:15, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) * The article for the Stenness Node provides an interesting account regarding Onderon's proximity to Stennes. Did the audio adaptation say they were nearby? If not, please remove the statement.
 * 65) **Addressed.
 * 66) * Nomi as Jedi General? Really? If that term is not used in the source material, please omit it.
 * 67) **Funny you say that, because she specifically states that she isn't a military commander in the audio. Addressed.
 * 68) * Not too keen on beginning that next paragraph with the word "simultaneously." Please find an alternative, maybe a longer phrase.
 * 69) **Addressed.
 * 70) * "Dejected that they could not decipher the book's text, the Ketos' hope was renewed" – Some agreement issues, here. Please reword.
 * 71) **Addressed.
 * 72) * Not too keen on referring to Onderon as "the dark side world." Korriban, Ziost, sure, but not Onderon. Please find different wording.
 * 73) **Addressed.
 * 74) * "Under the guidance &hellip; was instructed" is redundant.
 * 75) **Addressed.
 * 76) * "the Qel-Droma boys" has to go, I'm afraid.
 * 77) **Addressed.
 * 78) * Please explain how and why the assorted other Jedi were trapped in Kira's citadel.
 * 79) **Addressed.
 * 80) * Second paragraph of "Jedi offensive" could use a rewrite. Tense issues (perfect/imperfect), a bit of confusion in the actions, and the "swooned" bit is a bit of a reach. The sentence containing two "intos" needs to be revised, also.
 * 81) **Addressed.
 * 82) * "All this was happening while" is a bit awkward, also.
 * 83) **Addressed.
 * 84) * Please revise your statements in the BtS, taking into account Greyman's interview of Tom Veitch. This at least sets up FNU as a one-shot, not the prelude you suggest.
 * 85) **Addressed, with assistance from Greyman.
 * 86) * Graestan ( Talk ) 00:14, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) Image objections:
 * Image:2ndBattleOfOnderon.jpg could benefit from a re-scan.
 * 1) **Fixed. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 19:07, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:JediSeige.jpg is terribly distorted.
 * 1) **Fixed. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 19:07, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Image:JediStrikeForce.jpg is riddled with artifacts.
 * 1) **Fixed. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 19:07, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * --Imperialles 13:40, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Addressed, with assistance from Greyman. When you have time, please find me in IRC. I owe you an apology. And also, thanks for looking. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 19:14, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * Thanks alot for looking, Chack. Anything else, please let me know. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 22:06, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Glad to help. I enjoy these WP:TOTJ articles.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:09, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks Top for looking. I'll keep forging as long as you keep hammering;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) 16:37, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for looking Graestan. Anything else, please let me know. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 17:41, 19 May 2008 (UTC)

Corran Horn

 * Nominated by: Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it.

(0 Inq/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Technically, now you haven't voted for it.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:26, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Wow Havoc... and I thought it had gotten pretty long back when I was working on this... you blew that away, AND more or less re-did the entire article AND re-wrote it a lot better than my version. Anyways, while I'm probably not gonna be able to do much for at least a month until school gets out, just a couple quick things I noticed:
 * 1) Some of the section titles strike me as a bit unencyclopedic. For instance, "Supply run gone wrong" might want to be replaced by something like "Battle of Yag'Dhul" or "Return to Yag-prime," and "Drifting into danger" might want to be replaced with something like "Leaving CorSec." There are also some border-line section titles (Rogue rookie, Reign of terror)
 * 2) It could use some more pictures, especially in the the parts on Rogue Squadron and I, Jedi. That being said, having worked to this article before, I know there aren't a lot of pictures from that time of his life, so if you can't add any without making it seem really forced, that's fine.
 * 3) The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.
 * 1) The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.

Other than that, great Job!!!

Valin Horn ("Hal")

 * Nominated by: Havac 02:58, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(1 Inq/0 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 01:23, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) I don't understand why everything is being sourced by sentence, and not statement, as it should be. E.g. "While his name was originally given as Hal Horn, and that name is used in almost all sources about Horn, X-wing: The Krytos Trap states that "Hal" was only a nickname, and he retained the given name Valin.[1][2]" -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:26, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Because I don't believe in sourcing every single word. Otherwise I'd be sticking tags in every other word anytime I fuse material. It's not like sentences are a vast unit. I mean, I don't need "Horn was a CorSec[1] inspector[2] who for years[3] pursued[1] Booster Terrik[2]." Havac 01:06, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Well, the chances of that being necessary are quite slim. But even if you did have to, I'd prefer it over sticking them all at the end, because the reader is going to be unsure which reference is sourcing what. I'm going away for a while, so I'll strike, but I'd like you to think about it, or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:01, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * No, I'm not voting for this one, either. Get over it. Havac 02:58, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * So why didn't you vote for this one? Cull Tremayne 05:36, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Something about being a stubborn bastard, I think. Havac 06:30, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The B&W pic in the P/T might be a lot better for the infobox, since A) It's more front on, and B) It's not a repeat of an image already in the article. Thefourdotelipsis 00:25, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Todr Fel

 * Nominated by: Havac 06:30, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: It's nice and short. Read it. Vote for it.

(5 Inq/0 User/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:45, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 06:47, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:05, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Thefourdotelipsis 00:27, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:22, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * This is essentially reading that Todr's success led Soontir to gain these things, when this is not the case: "The success of his brother led Soontir to gain a barony and an estate," Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:15, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kaiburr crystal

 * Nominated by: 04:00, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Done, finally. First crystal FA FTW!

(4 Inq/1 User/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:53, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) There probably are still some instances of double linking after we did some heavy section moving-around, but I'll trust my colleagues to clean up anything else. Good job, Jorrel Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:23, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) After tweaks Enochf 21:36, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Thefourdotelipsis 00:50, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:20, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Missing content from Fact File 19. :P To the IRC, m'lad! Thefourdotelipsis 11:05, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Not anymore it's not. Thanks. 17:23, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Good man. Thefourdotelipsis 08:03, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) From the Temple of Self-Inflicting Pomojema Pain,
 * 5) *Atrocious images. Needs some new scans.
 * 6) *Nothing new to report.
 * 'Tis all I can see. 03:01, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Removed one of the issues.
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Is necklace supposed to be mispelled in that quote?
 * 3) **No. Fixed.
 * 4) * "On Circarpous V, though, Halla, an elder, Force-sensitive woman who claimed to be a Jedi Master knew of the legend and the reports of xenoarcheologists concerning the crystal, after purchasing a remnant of it from a local in exchange for an alcoholic beverage" First part of this reads a bit roughly.
 * 5) **De-roughified.
 * 6) * "While Grammel contemplated the crystal fragment he contacted Governor Bin Essada, who in turn contacted Darth Vader because of Bin's recognizing of the young female as Princess Leia Organa." Bit of a run-on.
 * 7) **No longer runny.
 * 8) * I would not list Skywalker as Vader's son, given that Vader is not aware of this IIRC.
 * 9) **Actually, I think he was aware, per Rise and Fall.
 * 10) * "After an incidence with a native creature, Luke, Halla, Leia, the droids, and the Yuzzem were without a mode of transportation, and were then split up into to teams by a hole in the ground" Describe this more, and possibly change "incidence" to incident.
 * 11) **Expounded upon.
 * 12) * Effect on the Force reads a bit redundant. Might want to reword some of that.
 * 13) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:38, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Repaired everything except that last bit there; I'm afraid I don't see the redundancy. 21:08, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 16) * I would like to see something added to the intro describing that, in addition to its healing abilities, it augmented a Force-users strength in the Force when close to it. This is only roughly alluded to late in the second paragraph
 * 17) **Added, though the "allusion" was a bit stronger than "roughly", IMO.
 * 18) * The intro becomes a bit PBPish. We don't need to know the details of Vader tripping over his arm and falling into a bit. Ultimately irrelevant to the crystal itself
 * 19) **Removed.
 * 20) * The healing's don't read well here. Please reword: "legendary healing to heal"
 * 21) **Rephrased. Also, "healing's"? :P
 * 22) * Wait, what? How did we go from Skywalker's Praxeum back to Vader's lifetime? This all needs to ordered chronologically, please: " The shard, which began the adventure on Mimban, would stay in Darth Vader's possession until he gifted it to his apprentice, Lumiya, who used it in her lightwhip."
 * 23) **Rearranged
 * 24) * Ok, the introduction is just not ordered well. The third paragraph describing its effects should really be first, and then you should talk about its history
 * 25) **Took a valiant effort in reordering, though it's definitely rough.
 * 26) * You already said this: " and Dark Lady of the Sith Lumiya utilized it in her lightwhip."
 * 27) **Rephrased so the redundancy isn't present.
 * 28) * Due to the mystery of the crystal, legends were formulated to explain its mystery? Please reword: "Due to its mysterious nature, several myths were formulated to explain the mystery "
 * 29) **Reworded.
 * 30) * Please create an article for this "lizard-like creature" defending the crystal: "One was formulated by the residents of Circarpous V, locally known as Mimban, began attaching the crystal to one of their legends: "an immense but slow lizard-like creature"
 * 31) **Technically, not a valid objection :P ; I did go ahead and make one though.
 * 32) * Rather than speculating like this in the article, this should really instead be explained as a footnote, or more appropriately, in the BTS. You should explain its existence as a lightsaber crystal, and then use the footnote to explain the Exile's involvement: "As it was during the time of the Jedi Exile in 3,951 BBY, it is possible that, in her travels, the Exile acquired the powerful crystal, and utilized it in her lightsaber as a focusing crystal."
 * 33) **Eh, I'm not too sure about this one. I've not touched it quite yet, as I'm still toying with where to put it exactly.
 * 34) ***Well, it seems like this has a bit of an ambiguous canon element to it, as to whether or not the Exile ever attains it. Feel free to discuss with me in IRC. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * What is "it"? The crystal or the reports? Please specify: "as well as studying it"
 * 36) **Clarified.
 * 37) * Please link to their language article. If we don't have it, I know the book specifies their language by name. Please create one in that case: "Skywalker was also able to communicate in the Yuzzem tongue"
 * 38) **Linked to Yuzz.
 * 39) * Destruction of what? Never specified: "After the escape and following destruction"
 * 40) **Specified'd.
 * 41) * This sentence does not read well. Please reword: "Both the Rebels and Imperials made their way, with the Rebel group leading, and the Imperials, slightly behind, tracking and following them."
 * 42) **Explained, reworded, and expanded slightly.
 * 43) * The "Tracking down the Temple" section as a whole has very little to do with the crystal itself, and its description would be more appropriate to, perhaps, the SotME article instead. Heavy condensing, if not outright removal, is required. I will also point out that the crystal isn't mentioned once in that entire section.
 * 44) **The problem is it's all completely relevant to the discovery of the Temple, and thus the discovery of the crystal. Perhaps if you would expound upon what you mean more specifically, I'd be able to get a better idea at what you want. Koovy?
 * 45) * Please handle these objections, and my copy-edit will continue, so I may have a better feel for how this article will shape up. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:57, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) **Took care of all (I think) but the last one, and the one about the Exile. 02:47, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) * Please reword the "Imperial...force <-> force...Imperial." Kind of reads awkward: "an Imperial force, forcing the Imperials to retreat"
 * 48) **Reworded.
 * 49) * This refnote explanation needs to list a source for this claim: "An explanation was given prior to the release of Rise and Fall of Darth Vader"
 * 50) **Sourced appropriately.
 * 51) * The first paragraph of the "Duel's end" section needs a source. There's a tag for your convenience.
 * 52) **Sourced.
 * 53) * I've rearranged this sentence a little bit, but please specify how she "used it." In her lightsaber? "Leia Organa Solo, after nearly forgetting about the crystal until twenty-three years after her adventure on Mimban, used it,"
 * 54) **Clarified.
 * 55) * This doesn't exactly match what you have in the intro, which says that Vader gave it to her. This seems to read that she took it herself: "Lumiya had acquired the crystal from her former master's personal items."
 * 56) **Remnant from early writings; fixed appropriately.
 * 57) * The "Properties" section, which serves as the "Description" or "Characteristics" section, should appropriately precede the "History" section in accordance with our other non-character articles Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) **Moved to match precedent. Also, all buttoned up (save for the same Exile thing) 19:03, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * This bit should be moved into the refnote, rather than speculated upon in the article: " little information was known beyond that, possibly hinting towards a widespread unknowing of the story of the crystal." Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:01, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * Please arrange the source list by correct real-world publication date
 * 61) **Done, except for those I couldn't find info on.
 * 62) * Now that the sections have been moved around, the "Properties" section should do a little better job of more clearly explaining its origin and existence in the temple on Mimban. It doesn't have to be anything too elaborate, as that's what the History section is for, but saying just that should suffice.
 * 63) **Added a little precursor so the "decreased in proportion to the distance from the temple" bit makes sense.
 * 64) * It may be appropriate to add a bit to the BTS, as the template promises, explaining any other possible courses in the KOTOR game in which the Exile does not end up with the crystal Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:22, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) **Information added to BTS.
 * 66) * In the Databank referencing, please use our Databank template rather than the URL link Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:22, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) **Databank template used.
 * 68) ***When you go through to strike the various objections, don't forget about the one with the Jedi Exile, mkay?  01:00, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Done. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:23, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) ****Done. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:23, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Gentlemen, you may now commence picking apart the article. 04:00, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

Skorr

 * Nominated by: AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:17, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(3 Inq/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 18:54, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikiajanitor ( Talk ) 00:38, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:26, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * The dual usage of "escape" so close here kind of reads awkwardly. Please reword: "allowing Solo to escape. Skorr escaped"
 * 3) * Please pipelink whatever system we are talking about here: "operative who was working in the system"
 * 4) * I would like to see a little bit detailing that after being imprisoned on Kessel, he harbored a great deal of hatred for the Empire as well as Solo
 * 5) * I'm a bit uneasy here calling him a Jedi Knight, since technically he isn't at this point in time. Please reword: "lightsaber in the hopes that the Jedi Knight would" Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:41, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Also, you really should reference the bit in the BTS that lists other bounty hunters as the Ord Mantell hunter
 * 7) * Here are some bits of dialogue from two sources I've just added. The second one, specifically, has something that could be added:
 * 8) **From The Empire Strikes Back: The National Public Radio Dramatization: "That bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell? Well, he changed my mind. Strangers blazing away at me from all directions have always made me a little nervous."
 * 9) **Star Wars 39: The Empire Strikes Back: Beginning: in the scene mirroring that from the film where Solo tells Rieekan that he has to leave and if he doesn't pay off Jabba the Hutt he's a dead man, it's changed around a little bit, but could still be worked in. While walking to the base's command center, he passes an officer referred only to as "Major," though I'm going to assume it's intended to be Derlin, since he looks exactly like him, and "Derlin" asks him if he's thinking about leaving again, and Solo says yes, to which the Major replies, "Yes, we heard about that bounty hunter on Ord Mantell. A death mark is not an easy thing to live with...," obviously taken from Rieekan's lines. You could say something like the Rebels of Echo Base were well versed in Solo's tangle with Skorr," or whatever you want. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:16, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***I think I've sorted all that. About the BtS referencing, they're all mentioned in the DB entry, so I've just added that as a ref. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:27, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Gotcha. I didn't know they were mentioned int he DB. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) Grass clippings:
 * 13) *The last sentence of the intro is awkward; please reword.
 * 14) *"that left the left side" is also somewhat ungainly.
 * 15) *Hurlo Holowan needs a little setup.
 * 16) *"had natural chemistries that meant the poison was not lethal to them" should be reworded a bit less casually.
 * 17) *Slave I needs some context.
 * 18) *"Skorr realized that Kestrel was among the Rebel recruits, and, hoping to gain his revenge as well as her bounty, the bounty hunters began firing on the ship, which was able to flee, though, leaving Skorr furious." – This needs to be reworked, with more clarification.
 * 19) *"The Rebels took advantage of this momentary confusion, and a small cargo flyer piloted by Chewbacca arrived at the safehouse, which had been flying at the bottom of the canyon, and Gribbet's sensors had been unable to detect it." – Please reword and clarify.
 * 20) * Graestan ( Talk ) 00:48, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Midi-chlorian

 * Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 13:18, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Not the Force.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good article, regardless of the DBZ-esque concept. --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 20:12, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes.  Uli Talk 21:06, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) A valuable addition to our FA collection. --Eyrezer 06:05, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:59, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From a cursory look by Fiolli:
 * 2) * Midi-chlorian manipulation should be linked in the main body of the text, either with a pipe or through direct statement.
 * 3) **It's linked under "History".
 * 4) * Considering its direct relation, preferably, midi-chlorian manipulation should be a subsection&mdash;or at the very least a paragraph about&mdash;under 'Study and analysis' providing an abstract of this topic.
 * 5) **Done. - Lord Hydronium 20:37, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Nothing is included of Dooku's attempt at transferring midi-chlorians into Grievous through blood transfusion. Other types of midi-chlorian experimentation should be included as well.
 * 7) **I don't think such a thing exists. The only reference to that idea is in Unknown Soldier, which specifically states that no one thought it would transfer Force-sensitivity; it's included. As for the second part, you mean under "study and analysis", right? Since those things are in the article.
 * 8) **Added stuff on midi experimentation to "study and analysis". - Lord Hydronium 20:37, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *Will be back later with more.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:38, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) There should be at least some mention of the midi-chloroxians from Skippy the Jedi Droid, even if it has to be in the non-canon section...poor Skippy. &mdash;Jaymach Ral'Tir (talk) 13:04, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *Added. - Lord Hydronium 03:03, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) There's an image there from the Power of the Jedi sourcebook, but its not listed in the sources section and isn't reffed to. Please look into it. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:11, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Midis aren't mentioned in POTJ. - Lord Hydronium 07:41, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Then the image caption is incorrect, unless it comes from somewhere else. Please clarify. Also, the Force Detectors should be mentioned in some part of the main body. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:14, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***It is. Several times. And the caption is totally correct, as established by Droids, Technology & the Force. Thefourdotelipsis 23:31, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ****My bad. A text search for Detector didn't work, for some reason. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 06:57, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Skirmish on Ambria

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:46, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Aside from the technical stuff (infoboxes, infobox refs, etc), I wrote this entire article from my cellphone. Open to thoughts/suggestions, as always.

(2 Inqs/0 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) It might need some tweaking, but I don't know much about the topic. Your body of work is beginning to impress, Tommy.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Much, much obliged, Master Fiolli. There will be others;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 00:39, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:16, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Grass clippings:
 * 2) *Linking in the article is inconsistent. Every linkable item needs to be linked once in the intro and once in the article body. Please use CTRL+F in the edit window to find out what needs to be linked. I think A-3DO's first mention needs a pipelink, for example.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Image:BattleOfAmbria.jpg needs to be cropped at the top. Image:MeditativeCanyon3.jpg needs to be cropped at right.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Not so sure the time in relation to the Freedon Nadd Uprising is relevant, or at least relevant enough to put in the intro.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * "for months now" is a step into another tense, and should probably be revised.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * You should probably explain that Bogga thought of the crystals as his, initially, in order to avoid confusion later on.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "one must do a thing themselves" skips from singular to plural, and should be rephrased. Also, it would be easier and read better to speak of Bogga and not a hypothetical person in this sentence.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * Not so sure Bogga and his men traveled to Ambria again in pursuit&mdash;please rephrase.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * Again, "for several months now" steps out of the tense, and should be rephrased. Also, the beginning of this section reads somewhat redundantly with the beginning of the history.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) *Much of the Background describes events pertinent to Nomi's training, not the skirmish. Please remove all irrelevant material&mdash;that belongs in Nomi's article, Thon's perhaps, but not here.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * As you shift between perspectives, you are changing the way we look at different events. Please revisit the first section of The battle, and rewrite it from an omniscient perspective. Honestly, I'd take a look at most of the article in this light.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Do we know these salvos were concussion missiles? If it is not stated specifically, please don't link to concussion missile in the article.
 * 23) **I could have sworn salvos didn't have its own article. Addressed.
 * 24) * "some time ago" is a change of tense.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * "were loading" is, as well.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * "either hold the crystals for Bogga or claim them for themselves &hellip; either ownership or stewardship" – This is redundant.
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * I'm not too keen on the usage of the quote amidst the prose.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * "months ago" is outside the surrounding tense.
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) *Again, the information in the Aftermath is largely irrelevant to the skirmish itself. Please revise, removing anything not pertinent to the conflict described in the title of the article.
 * 35) **Addressed, I think.
 * 36) * Graestan ( Talk ) 20:13, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) **Thank you Graestan for looking. I believe everytihing has been handled satisfactorily. If anything else is required, please advise, thanks. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 04:34, 25 May 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * "Courageous" is POV. Please reword: "As a result of Sunrider's courageous actions"
 * 3) *Addressed.
 * 4) *The first sentence of the second "Background" section paragraph starts off immediately as PBP. You need to explain earlier that Bogga wanted the crystals and why. Do not rely on your introduction to tell the story for you. The intro and body is separate unto themselves.
 * 5) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 6) ***I reverted your change because you changed the wrong paragraph. Please readjust your source list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:38, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ****Addressed.
 * 8) *Please organize your source list by correct order. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Addressed. Thanks for the read Toprawa, let me know if there is anything else please. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 11:46, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * If I were you, Tommy, I'd just nominate this for FAN and forget about this nomination ;) Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 01:54, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Good work on this, but I wonder if it really qualifies as a battle? I would've thought "Skirmish on Ambria" or something would be a more suitable title. Thoughts? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 06:55, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Moved, per Greyman's  suggestion. Also moved, per AdmirableAckbar's suggestion. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 14:50, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

181st Imperial Fighter Group

 * Nominated by: Havac 03:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) 181stAce 18:52, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Excellent. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:10, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:27, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Surely there's more that can be said in the BTS section. There's at least one retcon to explain, right? Maybe check some Stackpole interviews for more info? -- Ozzel 10:04, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't recall any retcons, and I've checked all the interviews I had for Soontir Fel himself, and Stackpole never talks about the 181st, just about Fel. The 181st is just a vehicle for that character, so it doesn't get talked about that much in and of itself. Havac 17:53, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The 181st got retconned into the events of The Empire Strikes Back, Shadows of the Empire, and Return of the Jedi, as indicated by The Making of Baron Fel. Shock Wave 18:42, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * They're not retcons. If it there was something saying "these specific fighters in ROTJ are the 181st," then it would be. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:55, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Then shouldn't Shadows of the Empire be removed from Appearances as well? 181stAce 15:31, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I'd like to see the paragraph of information about the "fake" 181st expanded into its own section; this is a major plot point for Aaron Allston's Wraith Squadron novels and, as such, has a lot more material to be explored, including the battles that the impostor unit participated in, as well as how the trickery with the droid fighters was discovered. Also, this use of the unit by Allston should warrant a mention in the BtS. -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *But that's got not a damn thing to do with the 181st. If you want information about that, we really should have an article on Impostor 181st Imperial Fighter Group. All the information that's actually relevant to the 181st -- the fact that a duplicate unit was created, that it briefly fooled NRI, and was subsequently exposed -- is in the article. I mean, do we need ten sections in Palpatine on the Second Imperium fakeup of him and everything that fakeup did? Or do we just mention that there was a scam, give the details that are actually relevant to Palpatine and his legacy, and move on? Havac 22:55, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) ** Whatever about the IU stuff, a mention in the BtS is definitely needed, since Zsinj's fake was originally thought to be the real thing (I recall a fan letter complaining about it printed in one of the issues of Rogue Squadron). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:16, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***BTS added. Havac 00:55, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Thanks. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:19, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm not a fan of the way the Zsinj-impostor thing is sourced. You have two sentences with three references tacked on at the end, but these aren't really helpful or accurate. Wraith Squadron is reffed to, but it isn't established that Tetran Cowell was masquerading as Fel in that novel, so it is a bit misleading. If you understand what I'm saying. I'm not sure if this is repeated throughout the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:22, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Resourced. Havac 00:55, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * This isn't so much an objection as a question, but why don't the "Commanders" and "Members" section have any sort of "ultimate fate" type thing. Granted, its not wholly relevant to the 181st, but one sentence saying what happened to them would be okay, IMHO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:19, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I considered that, but I ultimately decided that a description of their time in the 181st itself was enough. Otherwise, I'd get into, "Soontir Fel defected to the New Republic, then Thrawn convinced him to redefect, and then he was in this thing called the Empire of the Hand, until he was in the Chiss Ascendancy, and he had six kids but three of them died, and eventually his descendants ruled the Empire but we don't know how." It would be a lot of information at a very low level of detail that doesn't add much to the understanding of the 181st. Ultimately, if you want more information about what happened to them later, you click the link -- I just didn't want to get too distracted into chronicling the career of Evir Derricote and Soontir Fel and Turr Phennir instead of chronicling the 181st. Havac 16:16, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Political uprising of Empress Teta system

 * Nominated by: —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:57, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Here we go...

(1 Inqs/0 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * I'm finally getting the hang of this. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:57, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Corla Metonae

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 02:59, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I would like to point out that I wholeheartedly support this nomination, I think it's up to scratch, totally and utterly, and I would welcome any support votes for this work in this field. :) Please feel free to object as well. Thank you for your time, and we wish you a Merry Christmas.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yay for retconny goodness. -- Ozzel 07:21, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:26, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * 30 FANs. Spoilt for choice. Thefourdotelipsis 01:43, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Wam Lufba

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 06:21, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ah do declare this here article nominated.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 19:03, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:38, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Blah blah:
 * 2) * Jabba should never be referred to as just "Desilijic;" only "Jabba."
 * 3) **I don't see why not, since it's his family name.
 * 4) ***"Desilijic" is his clan name. If anything, "Tiure" is his family name, but I don't think that's ever been used alone for any Hutt in an official source. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:59, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****My mistake. Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 23:31, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * "Allowed" is used twice in the opening paragraph. Also, "do the actual hunting" looks a bit off to me; please try and find some alternative to "do." Actually, one of those "allowed to..."s should probably be axed.
 * 7) **Alterfied.
 * 8) * Shouldn't you just say that they were captured by a poacher, rather than doing it like the DB entry is?
 * 9) **Could, but I choose not to. I tend to tell the story as it occurs to the character.
 * 10) ***Fair enough, though I think it would look better changed.
 * 11) * There's a bit of extraneous detail about "Boushh" and Han which ought to be cut.
 * 12) **I've added a bit of relevance to that situation, but it was really there to explain the Carkoon situation.
 * 13) ***Better.
 * 14) *" Skilled in..." "Skilled in..." in the P&T. Please reword one of them.
 * 15) **Yarp, done.
 * 16) * I'm a bit wary of the use of "would" in the article. Not being a grammar expert, I may be wrong, though.
 * 17) **It's use is correct as far as I know, but I seem to be subconsciously obsessed with using it, which is more of a concern. Pared down, at any rate.
 * 18) **One of reasonably few interesting WTSes. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:45, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ***I'd say that the duds are the rare ones, having roamed much of the WTS land. Sometimes, though, you come across a complete turd, like Greejatus. Thefourdotelipsis 08:55, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * There seems to be conflict in Lufba's databank entry whether the plural of Yuzzum is "Yuzzum" or "Yuzzums." The DB uses both. —Xwing328 (Talk) 19:03, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Shadow trooper

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:03, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Whoever said that toys aren't canon? Plus...ARMAND.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Not as nominator!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:35, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Moffship of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "In 19 BBY, when Confederacy of Independent Systems General Grievous was located on Utapau, shadow troopers were called in to infiltrate six of the planet's sinkhole cities, and place jammers, which would allow[1] General Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Third Systems Army to invade the planet without notice. As a result, Grievous was killed, and Utapau was placed under Galactic Republic control."[3][4] The first part (up to Grievous) reads awkwardly. Add something to indicate the Confederacy's relationship to Grievous. I realize general is there but it doesn't make it any smoother. Supreme Commander might work. Also, does the reference formatting have to be like that?
 * 3) **If there wasn't such a strong correlation between the words "General" and "Grievous" that probably would have read as intended, but I suppose it doesn't. Altered.
 * 4) * "In some situations, such as the on on Utapau in the waning days of the Clone Wars, shadow troopers were inserted to ensure the successful entry of a much larger invasion force." Is there supposed to be something between the and on?
 * 5) **Meant to be a "one." Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 07:40, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Nice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:45, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kapp Dendo

 * Nominated by: AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:19, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: What I would give for a New Republic Commando-esque game... :-D

(3 Inqs/0 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 14:57, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) "Greyman grumbles about needing to remember to vote when he's done reviewing a certain FAN...two days ago"  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:58, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Objections handled via IRC. Great character.  Graestan ( Talk ) 19:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Long-Lost Gonk of Gonk:
 * 2) * I see "datadisk" and "datadisc." Better determine which is more canonical. I'd look but I don't have it handy.
 * 3) **Checked and fixed. :-)
 * 4) *More later. Kapp rules.  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 14:36, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Yes he does.
 * 6) * The lead quote in P&T is screwy: "about it about people".  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 15:40, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Odd. I could've sworn I'd corrected that. Fixed now, anyway. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:51, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 9) *Might want to throw in Terrik's involvement on the Ciutric mission, even if it's not directly related to Dendo.
 * 10) **Added a brief mention.
 * 11) *More context on the Lusankya prisoners please.
 * 12) **Done.
 * 13) *I'm pretty sure "Commando Team One" is singular; check your "was"s and "were"s please. This has popped up more than once and I blame Gonk for not catching them. :-P
 * 14) **I've always referred to teams with "were"s and probably always will, because that's what I see every day in relation to sports teams, but since it's apparently an American vs. British English thing, I've changed them (Grae should catch any I missed) :-) But yes, it's all Gonk's fault.
 * 15) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:06, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **I will. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:19, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Barukka

 * Nominated by: Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Take this, Jon!

(2 Inq/2 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Honed, Refined, Approved.  Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:32, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 23:59, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:47, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Otherwise, not bad. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 18:10, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) She's actually mentioned briefly -- albeit with her named misspelled "Baruka" -- in Cracken's Threat Dossier, on page 26. I don't think there's any new info, but you'll have to reference the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:31, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The article is now referenced and the BtS amended.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Thanks muchos, Goodwood --Darthchristian 20:09, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * -) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:15, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Holocron of Darth Xadún...
 * 2) * Starting the 'Redemption' section with 'However...' doesn't flow very well. Either remove it or reword the opening sentence for this section.
 * 3) **Fixed. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *** You don't need 'though' on the end of this sentence either.
 * 5) ****Done. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * I've noticed you use the word 'However' quite a lot. It gets very repetitive. Try replacing a few of the instances with other words or try removing it altogether and re-wording your sentences.
 * 7) **I fixed most of them, but I left two 'However's in there. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***That's fine, it's just when you use the same word a lot in a short space it gets mundane. Much better now. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to bring her back into the clan by driving her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." should read "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to either bring her back into the clan, drive her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." Please adapt this.
 * 10) **Done. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "She had a dark aura flowing about her, and wielded great powers that even Luke had not known of. " Is better off in the P&a rather than P&t section.
 * 12) **I kept the dark aura in there, becuase it signified how far she had fallen, but the second part of that sentence is now in the P&A section. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *** The first sentence in the P&A section is now too long and rather fragmented. Break it up into 2 seperate sentences; one for the using of the 'spells' and another about her skill at the 'spell of illusion'.
 * 14) ****Done. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Millenium Falcon should be in italics as it is the name of a ship.
 * 16) **Done.--Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * "She wanted her various physical and mental damages to be healed by Luke, and her willfulness and eagerness to be redeemed led to her redemption by Luke." Alter this sentence so you don't use 'by Luke' twice and 'redeemed/redemption'. Try '...and her willfulness and eagerness to return to the Clan (or her family, whichever you prefer) led to her redemption.'
 * 18) **Used your suggestion there. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * The Powers section is rather brief. Mention about the Witches of Dathomir thinking the Force was magic spells and which 'spells' Barukka was proficient at. Also, because she could hear Gethzerion in her mind is more of an indicator that Gethzerion could use tlepathy rather than Barukka, so change this two.
 * 20) **I did my best on that one. I mentioned the spells and took Barukka's telepathic abilities out. I couldn't make it that much longer, because when I did, it sounded really POVish. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *** "Barukka was not known for being able to block telpathic connections to her, and was tortured by Gethzerion, who exploited this." The sentence could do with re-arranging to sound less fragmented, and spellings, too. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ****Fixed it up. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Stone Table of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "...committing atrocities that her mother, Augwynne Djo, would not speak of..." This is uneeded.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) * "She had petitioned to rejoin the Singing Mountain Clan, which she would be allowed to do once she has completed her purification. However, she was tormented mentally by Gethzerion and was slowly being driven insane." These two sentences read awkwardly.
 * 5) **Fixed it up, should read well now.
 * 6) * Dark Side isn't capitalized.
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) ***No it's not.
 * 9) ****It wasn't capitilized in other paragraphs as well. I must of missed it before, but its done now. Sorry about that.
 * 10) *****Quite alright.
 * 11) * Give a few words about how Augwynne was the leader when she's first mentioned in the Bio.
 * 12) **Done.
 * 13) * "...who would impose terror on the other clans and the people that were imprisoned on Dathomir as well." Again, this doesn't flow.
 * 14) **Fixed it up.
 * 15) * Is there an article for the Imperial Prison?
 * 16) **Yeah, there is, I added it to the article now.
 * 17) * "...and wasn't trustworthy due to actions." This part seems incomplete, and needs better phrasing.
 * 18) **It was a fragment I hadn't noticed while writing this article, I fixed it now.
 * 19) * The prose in the first paragraph in Redemption could be better.
 * 20) **Redid the first few sentences.
 * 21) * Give a little context on who Isolder, Leia, and Luke (well, at least Isolder) were and why they wanted information about the Prison.
 * 22) **Explained who each character was, and why they needed information about the prison was already stated later int he paragraph.
 * 23) *"...impressing and terrifying Leia." It seems like the people in the prison were doing these things to her. Please correct this.
 * 24) **Fixed it up.
 * 25) ***Actually, this part might fit better in P&A or should be removed entirely. You decide.
 * 26) ****I decided to take it out.
 * 27) * You use collapse in consecutive sentences in this paragraph too.
 * 28) **Fixed.
 * 29) *Give some context on her Gethzerion and how her clan was destroyed.
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * You stress that she wanted to be redeemed about four times in the P&T alone. Please try to cut down on this and condense it as much as possible. I understand why you do this, but it makes for an awkward read.
 * 32) **I cut down on the redemption stuff. It's better now.
 * 33) * "Barukka, a Force-trained Dathomiri witch and Nightsister, and activated her Force powers by exclaiming a set of words that her clan had named a spell." Is the "and" simply in there by mistake?
 * 34) **Yep. Fixed.
 * 35) * "Barukka was not known for being able to block telepathic connections to her, and was endlessly tortured by Gethzerion because of this." To block connections to whom? Also, it sounds like she was tortured because she couldn't block her, not because she was cruel and her inability to block it enabled her to torture her (if you get what I mean).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:34, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 36) **I know what you're talking about, but since Gethzerion is the only one who got through to Barukka's mind, there's no proof that she was able to block telepathic connections. That's why the "Barukka was not known for being able to block telepathic connections to her," was put there in the first place, and telepathy is an important Force power. If I use your suggestion, then the sentence is very POVish, and also sounds like conjecture. --Darthchristian 23:27, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) * Context on Zsinj.
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) * "....she became very fearful..." Please change to avoid using fearful in the same paragraph.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:01, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 40) **Changed the second one to "frightened." Darthchristian 20:25, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * It would probably do to fatten up the intro just a tad. Otherwise fine, though she's no Jon. :P Thefourdotelipsis 01:39, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. Darthchristian 20:25, 23 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Single source, needs no referencing, there are no images of her, and I believe this is over a thousand words. --Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Duel on Tython

 * Nominated by: —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 16:59, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The Anvil has pounded this one out nicely.

(1 Inq/0 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:01, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the cockpit of Xwing328
 * 2) * "Johun Othone returned with Master Farfalla..." This paragraph doesn't start well. Othone is "returning," but why, what from? Who is he? What's he doing here?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) ***Much better, imo. —Xwing328 (Talk) 22:01, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *Question, not objection: "...the two Sith Lords, Bane and Zannah." Was Zannah actually a Sith Lord at this point?
 * 6) **Yes. Shortly afterwards (after he had recovered of course), Bane yelled at her, addressing her as "Darth Zannah".
 * 7) * "Echani Jedi Master and unparalleled lightsaber duelist..." She's obviously not an unparalleled lightsaber duelist, since she was defeated. Consider rewording to simply, "Echani Jedi Weapon Master..." —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:38, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * Thank you for looking, Xwing. If anything else is required, please let me know. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 11:29, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm ready for you Merciless Hammer, let's go. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil
 * Please remember to add the "Nominated" tag to your nominations. Thefourdotelipsis 08:30, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * My apologies. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil
 * It's FAnom now ;) 00:24, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

Dusty Duck

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:29, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Nominated. Yes, it is 1000 words, though only just barely.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:46, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:49, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Battlefield of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * Could you please try to expand the Characteristics section by a few sentences? I know not much info is available, but it just looks odd in its present state.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:58, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Not without making stuff up. The Databank entry is scant on details in that department, since it really focuses on the story. Thefourdotelipsis 22:58, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * I don't think you need to call him Dym senior. You say he was murdered, and in the same sentence mention his daughter, making it clear to the reader that her father was the one killed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:01, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **I've done that because I don't start calling Aneesa "Dym" until later on, and I did that because things get a bit too confusing earlier on if I do otherwise. Complicating matters is the fact that Dym senior doesn't have a real name. I don't think it particularly hurts, and while most people would be able to get their head around it, it's there just for that extra bit of clarification. Thefourdotelipsis 23:39, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 7) * I'm not sure what this is saying exactly. The ship would do this on its own, as I'm understanding? It would do this, but makes comfortable descents onto lush worlds? Can you do some specifying/clarifying here? "and would make ungainly descents to barren worlds"
 * 8) **Alterised.
 * 9) ***I added a little bit to further clarify per the Databank Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:46, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * I would request that you kill the red link in the infobox.
 * 11) **Done. Thefourdotelipsis 23:48, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *Glad to see you got the Insider 100 mention in there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:00, 25 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Conclave on Deneba

 * Nominated by: —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 14:00, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As nominator.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support Oppose
 * 1) I remember helping this when he was only thinking GA... good times, good times. 14:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * For the outcome, also put phyrric Jedi victory, since the Krath did kill a lot of Jedi. Darthchristian   ( Hey! ) 17:10, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Any particular reason you're not taking this to- oh, wait, you are taking it to FA. Keep up the good work. :P 14:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)

Willrow Hood

 * Nominated by: 22:41, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Ice Cream Maker Guy! Also, 1,060-ish words, and almost as many flavors!

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Why didn't they just leave it as an ice cream machine? Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:38, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 06:49, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice main pic&hellip;some helpful Inq must have gotten that for you :P Nice article, too; it gave me something to read today, when I should have been doing something else, heh.  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:15, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:26, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * I guess this kind of reads awkward to me, figuring that you can't really work "on" a gas giant, if you understand my meaning. Please tweak this around a little bit to say he worked on Cloud City over Bespin, and not necessarily "on the gas giant": "who lived and worked on the gas giant planet Bespin"
 * 3) **Moved later statement in the same sentence to clarify better.
 * 4) * I'm not sure "capturing" and "liberating" a planet necessarily work well together in the same description: "the Alliance was able to capture the planet and liberate it"
 * 5) **See, therein lies the interest :P . Fixed.
 * 6) * "Active duty" seems to suggest that he was somehow a military man, when the intro tells me he was little more than a business contact. Please reword: "retired from active duty."
 * 7) **Retired the statement.
 * 8) * This kind of doesn't make sense given the previous sentence. You say at some point he began working for them, but then this sentence says he had been working for them for some time...this needs to have some kind of qualifier, as in, "sometime as of 3 ABY," for ex? Can you specify a date for this? "and had been working with A'roFilter for quite some time."
 * 9) **Qualified.
 * 10) * This seems to suggest that Vader visited Cloud City at her behest, which isn't true. Vader took his fleet to Cloud City after Fett tracked Solo there. Please reword as appropriate: "She contacted Darth Vader, who in turn visited Cloud City"
 * 11) **Explained, and changed.
 * 12) * Assist in what? This doesn't really make sense to me: "he was shown to be willing to trust even those he suspected, provided they truly revealed a willingness to assist."
 * 13) * This clause doesn't grammatically fit what you have. I understand what you're trying to say, but this is essentially reading that "he took the opportunity to prefer": "once he was able to, took the opportunity to do so" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:27, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Grammatically fixed. Also, everything's taken care of (I believe) 00:21, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Because Graestan insisted, here's a quote from the last part of Insider 49's article on Hood: "Farewell, Ice Cream Guy, and good luck selling your ice cream on some other, more appreciative planet." 22:41, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm not going to object on this, but I do not see the need for the comic main-body image since it is a sketch of the famous picture seen in the infobox. Basically, it almost seems like having a duplicate image. I'm not certain on policy on this, but I personally do not think the main-body sketch is necessary.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 06:49, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I was thinking along the same lines when I was looking through this, but didn't make an objection. This won't be an objection either, of course, but I definitely agree. The image is repetitive and probably unnecessary. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:59, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't like the last sentence in the intro. It's somewhat...random, coming out of nowhere. And I share the same sentiments about the image as the two Inqs above me.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:40, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Last sentence reworded. As for the picture, I've heard differing opinions. I've moved it down for now, but if anyone else thinks it should go, I'm still considering it. 20:49, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Jorrel, have you thought about using this picture in the BtS? Image:Wilrow the magnificent.gif. Not sure how other Inq would feel, but I don't personally see a problem with it in the BtS since it illustrates what you talk about in there&mdash;that is, if it can be found that it's not fanwork (I'm not sure). The only thing is I can't seem to find a source for the picture itself. 4dot uploaded it, so maybe asking him would work. The url which is stamped on the image is creaturecantina.com, but I haven't been able to find the image there. I've never seen a copy of Star Wars Insider 49, so I'm not even sure if it's a image from there :S Anyways, some food for thought, Jorrel :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 20:34, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Tamizander Rey

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 1,251 words. Definitely didn't imagine this thing would ever see the FAN page.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Part of a great series on ESB and ROTJ tertiary characters.  Graestan ( Talk ) 20:19, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * Crappy picture, I'm well aware. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * De-crapified now&hellip;well, somewhat :) I rescanned the picture from the original playing card, managing to get his whole head in it, unlike the previous copy. Likewise, I was able to clean it up a bit and mostly get rid of the distortion which is noticeable on the picture when you blow it up from the original tiny size. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks, Grey. Hopefully it passes inspection. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:54, 23 May 2008 (UTC)

Horzao Darr

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 18:57, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Already passed GA, has been suggested to take it up to FA.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yes, indeedy-do. I enjoyed reading this when it was up for GA, Cavalier, and after reading it again, I'm glad to see that it still retains the good writing I enjoyed the first time :)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:33, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Very nice. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:20, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I enjoyed reading this article when it was up for GA, and thought it would be worth this.  Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 11:16, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 1) Blah blah blah:
 * 2) * I think "iron-fisted" is a tad POV.
 * 3) **Removed.
 * 4) * The outcome of the skirmish with Rei'kas should really be included in the intro.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) *French spacing is generally discouraged, I think, because it makes no difference to the article, and just ups the KBs. Not an objection, just letting you know for future reference; Culator's AWB should sort it out, anyway. :-)
 * 7) **Sorry, force of habit. Trained to write in double spaces during my college years, and I use it in both my personal and professional life :) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 21:06, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Very well-written and interesting article. Please continue in the same fashion ;-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:50, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * You refer to this ruling council here uncapitalized, but you later capitalize the word "Council" down in that paragraph. Please figure out which one is correct, capitalized or not, and stick with it for consistency. Also, it would be good to link this council to something if possible. Please check: "and the ruling council for control of the planet"
 * 2) **The source is inconsistant as well, but it favours lower case so I've adjusted it accordingly. I have also made a link and created the article.  Not entirely sure by what you mean by check "and the ruling council for control of the planet" - was that just an indictor of the sentence you mean, or is there something wrong with it?
 * 3) ***Sorry for the confusion. That's just how I format my objections. I leave a comment followed by a colon and the item from the article in quotations. I just meant to check to see if we had an article for this ruling council. Thank you for creating the article, very nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * You shouldn't wait so long to introduce him as having the rank of captain. This is especially awkward after you say people wanted him promoted to Supreme Admiral. Please specify his captaincy prior to the Supreme Admiral mention: "In 8 ABY, Captain Darr..."
 * 5) **Added a link in the intro, and in the third paragraph. The problem is that we only know he is a Captain as of 8 ABY - although he commands the flagship, there is no confirmation that he was given the rank at the same time.  He probably was, but it is speculation.
 * 6) ***Ah, I understand. Very well then. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * I'm not sure what a "strike form" is. A strike team?: "to allow a strike form to infiltrate"
 * 8) **Typo - should be "strike force". Fixed.
 * 9) * Please reword to avoid the weasel word "apparently." This should ideally be worded to state, factually, he either did or didn't do something: "Darr was apparently in contact with the former smuggler Jorj Car'das"
 * 10) **Removed and fixed.
 * 11) * Going along with the previous section, this sentence doesn't fit the tone of our articles. Please reword to say he either was or wasn't practical. If you can't say for sure, I would suggest removing this entirely: "It appears that Darr was also a practical man, as he realized that the best chance to bring down the Devisors lay with the FarStar and her superior technology."
 * 12) **Removed and fixed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 00:57, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Very nice job, Cav. I hope you keep writing FAs. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:24, 23 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Darlyn Boda

 * Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:23, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Very nice. I love Of Possible Futures. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Haruspices.  Graestan ( Talk ) 23:35, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *"The city Darlyn Boda, with its shadowy streets, offered the perfect environment in which to begin a life of crime, of which the bounty hunting droid 4-LOM took advantage." Bit of POVishness, or at least overly figurative language that could use cleanup.
 * 3) **I've taken that literally from the city description from OPF. If anything, it might be bordering on plagiarism. I'll try to reword it a little bit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:44, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *I would combine the two paragraphs in Locations, as they both talk about places in the city. Also, you might want to mention that the city had a spaceport-I'm pretty sure that Of Possible Futures stipulates that. The very last sentence of Locations could use another nod towards the Ankarres Sapphire, but I won't push that.
 * 5) **Combining will take place when I have the chance. No spaceport mentioned, though. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:44, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *"Hot" is not a climate, unless the source specifically says that "Darlyn Boda had a hot climate."
 * 7) **Well, the RPG stats for Darlyn Boda from Wizards, which all but mirrors our own infobox fields, states "Hot" for the "Temperature" field. I was under the impression that effectively served as the "Climate." Would "Hot temperature" work for you? Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:44, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Uh, not really. Again, temperature isn't a climate. Climates are things like "arid", "tropical", even "mountainous" and describe the overall behavior and composition of the environment and the types of life/terrain/weather that one might expect to find there. "Hot" doesn't cut it. If nothing else, "Swamp" or "Marshland" would suffice. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:16, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Using any real-world climatology terms, the closest to this planet I'm guessing would be rainforest, would be extrapolation, as would using "swamp" or "marshlands," since no source describes anything of the sort. "Hot temperature" should work, since temperature is a prevailing element of climate. It doesn't classify the climate by any scientific terms, but it gives the reader an insight into what the planet holds. I will also direct you to the very definition of the word from Dictionary.com. The first aspect of climate they define it by is "temperature." If you have any alternative suggestions, please shoot. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:46, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Since the other climes referred to in the source material do not include anything arid, perhaps "hot and humid" would be an acceptable alternative? It would certainly be more specific. For the record, though, I'd like to state that "hot" has commonly been used in climatology to generalize about multiple climates that share only that variable, or situations where that variable is relevant. However, since I don't see anything about deserts or savannas, "hot and humid" could safely be given. Graestan ( Talk ) 23:35, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:40, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Plooz

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:48, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Plooz.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) No lead quote. Also, in the quote for the "Return" section, the all caps "FATHER" seems odd, since comics are in all caps anyway. Please advise. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:18, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Lead quote inserted, and it's in capitals since the word "father" is significantly in the comic, despite being in the bubble as the preceding words. So the capitals are to mimic that extra emphasis. Thefourdotelipsis 23:28, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **I'd prefer bolding and italicizing, or something, instead, but it doesn't really matter. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:32, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Spiker

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:32, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: That is all.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose

Comments
 * I'd suggest that an unhelmeted image would be much better than the infobox, also, why aren't there any Tales templates for the Sand Blasted portion? Thefourdotelipsis 12:32, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

The Drunk Side

 * Nominated by -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:58, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:' 1,004 words. Wow, who'd have thunk it? :-D

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object Holocron ]]) 11:18, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) You May Dispense with the Pleasantries, Commander, Toprawa is Here to Put You Back on Schedule:
 * 2) *Right then, Mr. Darth...-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:21, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) * You call it a small settlement, but in this next sentence it's a city? These two are not equatable: "preferring to remain there when she visited the city to give"
 * 4) **Addressed; replaced with "colony".
 * 5) *The "previous owner" could use some kind of conjectural article: "when the previous owner"
 * 6) **It isn't necessary to create an article about this for the FAN to pass.
 * 7) ***It is necessary for all featured article nominations to have all objections stricken before passing and becoming featured articles. I've taken the minimal effort required to create the article for you, so that petty bickering and campaigns to have the Inq strike other people's objections won't have to take place. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:05, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * I'm very hesitant to describe it to something as clearly OOU as a horseshoe, when I'm guessing horses don't exactly exist in the SW universe. Simply saying the "U-shaped" whatever would suffice: "horseshoe-shaped bar"
 * 9) **Right. Changed.
 * 10) * If this Valley of the Dark Lords is on Korriban, as I'm assuming, it would be best to add "the local" before it for greater context
 * 11) **Had a shufti; it's been contextified.
 * 12) * Don't be so quick to assume everyone knows who Revan is or what happened to him. "Mindwiped" is very vague, and doesn't describe his condition to the unknowing. Additionally, "the crew of the Ebon Hawk" is just as vague. Context, please: "When the mindwiped Revan, accompanied by the crew of the Ebon Hawk"
 * 13) **Contextified Revan to the point of relevancy, but as to the Hawk and who is aplenty, all comrades save Bastila can be there.
 * 14) * This reads, literally, that "previous owners" is a service. Please reword appropriately: "previous owners"
 * 15) **Amended.
 * 16) *Context, please. What is the Star Map? What is its significance, why does he want it, etc.: "as getting into the Academy was the only way to reach the Valley and the Star Map he suspected was to be found there"
 * 17) **Contextified in an earlier statement, including a link to the Star Forge. Anything more would be fat on the hog.
 * 18) ***This still doesn't give me any idea what the Star Forge is, or why it's significant
 * 19) ****Hence the link, but added another blurb anyway.
 * 20) *Context, please. I don't know who these people are. Who is the former Jedi? Significant expansion required here: "After Revan and Juhani met Dak Vesser in the Valley of the Dark Lords, the former Jedi left for Dreshdae"
 * 21) **Contextified.
 * 22) ***This sentence is still problematic. Context needed for this Juhani, and it's clausal confusion to boot. Revan and Juhani are not "the Sith." Please reword: "After Revan and Juhani met Dak Vesser, a former Jedi who had trained alongside the Cathar Padawan, in the Valley of the Dark Lords, the Sith left for Dreshdae,"
 * 23) ****Fixed again.
 * 24) * What is their quest? Please explain: "not wanting to have anything to do with either of them or their quest"
 * 25) **Should be obvious now; regardless, thus has it been amended.
 * 26) *Increasing examples of assuming the reader knows what this is. Please be careful of this. Explain everything. She defected? Under what circumstances? Context, please: "and the defection of Ban,"
 * 27) **Amended.
 * 28) ***This still is unclear. His "actions" could mean anything. Specify, please: "following Revan's actions"
 * 29) ****Added a link to the Skirmish on Korriban. Contextualizing his actions beyond this is irrelevant to the cantina itself, as they do not apply to it or its history.
 * 30) * This sentence is unencyclopedic, and needs to be removed. We aren't IGN: "However, it is recommended to ignore Juhani's side quest involving the slaver, Xor, until after the battle on the Leviathan."
 * 31) **Pruned.
 * 32) * Additionally, I'm not sure what's in that link about accessing the premium items, but it sounds very game guide-ish, and I'm guessing it's irrelevant. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:07, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **It is very necessary actually, as it relates to the game's storyline (hence the GameLSmechanics tag) and it's not something you're going to find in the Prima guide.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:15, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) Xadún is here at your request, but expects to be well paid for his services. - 
 * 35) *Due to the level of detail the following sentences possess, they have become very fragmented. Break them down into seperate sentences.
 * 36) **'When the mindwiped and retrained Jedi Revan, accompanied by his comrades aboard the Ebon Hawk, visited the cantina in 3,956 BBY in search of Star Maps, which pointed out the location of the Star Forge, the hidden weapons factory that powered the Sith war effort, he found that his vessel was the subject of admiration among the pilots and crew who frequented the place.'
 * 37) ***Duly broken up.
 * 38) ****This sentence hasn't changed. Maybe your edit was undone. I recommend ending at '...Korriban in 3,956 BBY' Then open the next sentence 'They were searching for star maps to locate the Star Forge...' et al.
 * 39) ** 'After Revan and one of his companions, Juhani, met a Sith archeologist named Dak Vesser, a former Jedi who had trained alongside the Cathar Padawan, in the Valley of the Dark Lords, the Sith left for Dreshdae, not wanting to have anything to do with either of them or whatever had brought them to Korriban; he took refuge in the cantina before departing the planet.'
 * 40) ***Broken up and rephrased.
 * 41) * 'Later, after securing a Sith Medallion from the corpse of a Sith student who had killed one of his friends and was threatening another, Revan presented the icon to the Twi'lek instructor Yuthura Ban, who was apprenticed to the Sith Master Uthar Wynn and considered second-in-command at the Academy.' I assume the student was threatening one of Revan's friends? Did Revan find the student as a corpse or do we know who killed him? Clarify this sentence please. It may also need revising once you clarify it i.e. breaking it down like the other overly-long sentences i highlighted.
 * 42) **Clarified; the Sith was threatening bystanders who appeared to have been his friends. Changed to simply "bystanders".
 * 43) *** How did Revan aquire the medallion? did he step in to the conflict and fight the student? what happened to the student afterward? was he killed by Revan or merely flee the cantina? More expansion on this please.
 * 44) * How did Wynn die? Just extend this sentence. Again, may need breaking into 2 sentences after expansion.
 * 45) **Changed "actions" within the link to Skirmish on Korriban to "double-cross and betrayal"; if more is desired, please advise.
 * 46) * Offer some examples of the races in the cantina within the Inhabitants section if you can.
 * 47) **There's only three, really, but they've been added.
 * 48) *** I know this was a little nit-picky, but saying what sort of inhabitandts were there can be useful.
 * 49) * All in all, it's a fair article, but not great. Seems rarther uncomprehensive for FA status. I know it scrapes it's hull over the word limit too. IMHO, GAN would have been a better choice. Darth Xadún  ([[User talk:Darth Xadún| Consult the
 * 1,165 words at latest count. Thank you for reviewing.-- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 18:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) ***Anytime. I've put a few more changes to be done. If you would like anything reviewed in the future, just holler. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 09:51, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm going to say this as a friendly pre-peer review warning so as to show no ill-will, but please be aware that the article may very well fall under the 1,000 word length requirement after I go through this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:55, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

3B6-RA-7

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:14, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is probably one of the best WTS's I've read so far...I mean...two GODV references. TWO.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) This quite an impressive article. I agree totally with 4Dot. One of the best WTS. Darthchristian   ( Hey! ) 17:04, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Aruk Besadii Aora

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:04, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: the first of several Hutt noms I have planned for the summer.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Required a spell-check, but good Enochf 21:45, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Thoroughly interesting.  Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 10:27, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) '''From the Sith tablet enscribed by Xadún -
 * 2) * Although 'kajidic' is linked, a brief reference to what it actually is could be done with in either the introduction or the main body.
 * 3) **Added an explanation in the main body, but I think it's unnecessary for the intro and would mess up the flow.
 * 4) * Likewise for 'Vigo'.
 * 5) **Same as above.
 * 6) * 'In that year, however, the operation received its first major hiccup.' - unencyclopedaic terminology. please revise.
 * 7) **Changed to "setback."
 * 8) * 'In 5 BBY, Aruk hired a group of well trained Drell pirates to assassinate Jabba on a trip to Tatooine, but the pirates failed to accomplish their goal.' - How did they fail? or is this not mentioned in the source?
 * 9) **Info added.
 * 10) * 'Kibbick allowed Teroenza free reign to administer the facility, never interfering as long as he was given his share of native nala tree frogs.' Mention that these were used for food, as opposed to a general amphibian collecttion, drug use (as in native tribal cultures), etc.
 * 11) **Done.
 * 12) **Otherwise - Hutts are not my specialty, Ackbar, but i will review your other Hutt FANs with great anticipation. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 13:10, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Excellent. Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:48, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Boushh

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:16, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) This bounty hunter is my kind of scum.  Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 11:28, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) P&t : 'When hired by Narloch, Boushh left the Herglic gambler for dead when he fled Dalos IV, demonstrating that he cared more for his own skin than survival.' Isn't caring for one's own skin the same as survival? Or have i misinterpreted this?
 * 2) *Fixed. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:38, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Can you use an unmasked picture of him in the infobox? Since we have ones of decent quality, and the masked one is literally a repurposed image of Leia (I know in its canonical use it's of Boushh, but it does make the point of how vague masked pictures are), I think this is a case where an unmasked shot would be far superior. - Lord Hydronium 21:50, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I disagree. As Boushh rarely removes his helmet, and the masked picture is instantly more recognisable, it makes things easier for user reference. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 10:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I would tend to agree with Xadun, though I don't really care too much either way. I think the fact that the unmasked one is less than 250px should rule it out. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:38, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, the masked one is more recognizable as Leia, since that's how most people have seen "Boushh". The fact that Leia-as-Boushh and helmeted Boushh look identical to the point that a picture of the former is used for the latter I think is a good indication of how ambiguous the helmeted picture is. Acky: There might be a better sized one in the strip; if that can be found, would you have any objection to changing it? - Lord Hydronium 02:51, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nope, but I'm fairly sure there isn't a bigger one. If that option isn't available, what about using the coloured picture from later on the bio for the infobox? That would at least alleviate the "Leia" issue. Either way, I don't mind, and we can use the smaller, unmasked one if necessary. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Ozzel cropped a wider version of the unmasked, so I switched the two. - Lord Hydronium 20:36, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Valarian

 * Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:48, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This'll probably be my last nom for three weeks or so.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) From the notebook of Darthchristian:
 * 2) *The second sentence in the intro is a run-on. Please correct this.
 * 3) **Fixed.
 * 4) *Are the dashes around, "young for a whipid" needed? The same for the monks later in the article as well.
 * 5) **Well, I don't think commas would work and brackets seem to be disliked by most FAreviewers, so I'm not sure there's any other option. Changed the B'omarr one, though I'm not sure it looks right.
 * In, "...old cargo hauler which had previously...," please change which to that. It doesn't read right with which.
 * 1) **Changed.
 * 2) *"...despite Jabba's objections; the Hutt responded...," change the semi colon to a comma and add "and" after it.
 * 3) **Why?
 * 4) *After you did that, "to attack the Lucky Despot and its patrons and also attempted to...," Seperate the sentence after "patrons" so it isn't a run-on.
 * 5) **See above,
 * 6) *"...former players for Jabba the Hutt, they were her favorite musical group...," doesn't make sense. Change it to, "She hired famed musician Max Rebo and his band, former players for Jabba the Hutt and Valerian's favorite musical group, to provide entertainment for the wedding.
 * 7) **It does make sense, and, IMHO, reads better than the alternative. Perhaps others could chime in?
 * 8) *After the Modal Nodes are first mentioned, use a period after it and seperate that sentence into two. It read a lot better after that.
 * 9) **Again, I don't see the need and I think it looks better as is.
 * 10) *Add "and" after "Jabba's various henchmen," and before, "dozens of guests."
 * 11) **That wouldn't make sense.
 * 12) *You don't pluralize guests in the wedding section.
 * 13) **Done now.
 * 14) *After "later," put a when after the comma.
 * 15) **I'm not sure which "later" you're referring to, but adding "when" after any of them wouldn't make sense.
 * 16) *You don't need the parenthesis around, "who had been rehired to play in Jabba's court."
 * 17) **Changed.
 * 18) *There is an article for Shiri'ani, right?
 * 19) **Yes; now linked to.
 * 20) *Though this isn't a valid objection, can you please make an article for those redlinks? It just makes everything better.
 * 21) **Well, I don't see the point in making two one-sentence articles which could be far better. I'll get around to Herogga eventually, since I plan to GA him someday.
 * 22) *In the P&T, I wouldn't use the word disrespected, after what happened at the wedding. Use a word that well represents the fiasco.
 * 23) **Better?
 * 24) *Very well written article otherwise. Darthchristian   ( Hey! ) 16:48, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thank you. I will try to get these addressed later this evening, though I will say that, for a lot of them, it would have been easier to fix them yourself than list them here. No worries, though. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:21, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Cay Qel-Droma

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk)
 * Nomination comments: My first WP:TOTJ article.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Well done Mr. Jadson. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:11, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The Anvil:
 * 2) * Minor:For the Great Sith War section, I'd add another image, so as to balance them out. I would've said just to move the next image (Ulicqeldromaversuscay.JPG) to the left, but that will displace the section header. If you need a good one to add, you know where to get'em!;) I'd use this one (Cayqel-dromaHS.jpg), since it actually is the image that corresponds with the section quote. Up to you though.
 * 3) **Funnily enough, I thought about adding another image there but decided against it. Anyway, added one.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Also, I would change the image (Image:Cay qel droma.jpg) for the "First mission" section, only because it depicts Cay with his prosthesis, which he didn't have yet at that point in the story.
 * 5) **Wow, I thought about that too, but decided not to change it. Replaced that image now though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:39, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *** I'll find you a good one, one that depicts him pre-prosthesis ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 21:17, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1) Indeed, Mr. Jadson, this article has come a long way! It's been polished nicely from the nonsense that it was before you stepped on the scene. I'm glad to be working on this project with you ;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 16:19, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The reason everyone is referred to by first name is that that's how it's done in the comic.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Wraith Squadron

 * Nominated by: Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also working on redlinks, me.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Ah, I see. Pesky periods popped. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From Greyman:
 * 6) * In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters&hellip;". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
 * 7) **Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
 * 10) **I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Looks much better. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
 * The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
 * Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
 * The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
 * The images are, AFAIK, all that are available. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
 * No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
 * It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
 * If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Battle of Khar Delba

 * Nominated by: Graestan ( Talk )
 * Nomination comments: WP:TOTJ, full steam ahead! Graestan ( Talk ) 01:37, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yes... Nominate your pathetic little article... Little do you realize that soon, victory will be MINE!  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 16:35, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Some minor touch ups, but no complaints :)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:56, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Very nicely done. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 19:31, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * Nod to Greyman, my mentor, for assorted assistance, as well as to Toprawa and Ralltiir for some preliminary checks. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:37, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Czulkang Lah

 * Nominated by: Harrar 15:22, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *I'm pretty sure Czulkang Lah was never stated to be in charge of the invasion of the Galaxy. (intro)
 * 3) *Might want to mention the Starlancer Project in the intro, because that's the reason Tsavong Lah demands a hasty assault.
 * 4) *Checked Enemy Lines II and found that "the" is not typically used in front of Lusankya. Please revise as necessary. Same with Mon Mothma.
 * 5) *Might want to link to the Goddess missile.
 * 6) *It might be worth it to note that Lah was compared to Garm bel Iblis, whom the Vong saw as the New Rep's pre-eminent tactician.
 * 7) *Glad to see you're back and giving Czulkang Lah a new look. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:32, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Maybe not when my browser is so mind-numbingly slow...Harrar 15:22, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Atha Prime

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 03:03, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Boo sucks to this field. No one uses it. :P

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support Oppose
 * 1) --Eyrezer 11:28, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * This isn't your average fare ladies and gents, and as such, you'll notice that the intro is a touch on the unorthodox side. Well, that's because this article isn't so much about the would-be IU info, as it is the OOU development info...so that's my rationalization there. So, if you have reasons why it should not be treated differently, go ahead, but please don't just blindly apply established standards to this, because it just won't work. Thefourdotelipsis 03:03, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Shadowspawn

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:06, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I'm certifiable! :D

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose

Comments
 * Yes, I'll get the info when the book comes out. You have no idea how excited I am for his book. No. Idea. Also, if you're thinking "Hey, I just read this" if you just read Atha, well...my thoughts exactly. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 10:06, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Jorj Car'das

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:53, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Co-project with AdmirableAckbar.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * I'm a touch concerned by the fact that there's nothing cited to Galaxies here. I played the game briefly a few years ago and Car'das' faction was...well, everywhere in the opening levels...I could be mistaken, but I'm sure there's pertinent information to be found in that game. Apologies if I'm wrong, though. Thefourdotelipsis 01:08, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments