Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Sha Koon


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Sha Koon

 * Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A short break from "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". This was fun to work on&hellip;

(5 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) —Tommy 9281  Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:37, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 18:37, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:18, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:02, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Great article.--Loneshark1138 Incom.svg(Comlink Active) 11:47, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:49, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Xd
 * 2) * You say that the battle of the planet Bal'demnic take place in 19 BBY, and you source it to the databank entry. I read it through, and there's no mention of the year. -- Xd1358  Talk 17:55, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) ** No source anywhere for the date. Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:16, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) An image of her death may work --Sean Red 15:12, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) *I don't know about that, is that really necessary?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:50, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) **Not a death image, but please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:23, December 24, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Nice.--Sean Red 14:34, January 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ****I'd like to point out to the Inqs that this objection has been taken care of. The objecting user has not been on the site since January 3rd, and his last post here indicates that he felt the objection was taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:31, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Blacklist:
 * 10) * "In 44 BBY, during the Stark Hyperspace War, Sha Koon was at the Jedi Temple when her uncle Plo Koon, who possessed a telepathic bond with Sha, contacted her from the planet Troiken." What does Plo Koon contacting Sha have to do with (a) the Stark Hyperspace War, and (b) him being on the planet Troiken? There seems to be several important pieces of context missing from here.
 * 11) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:22, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) * You go on to say that she told Saldith who wanted her to tell Mace and the Council. Because you don't specify why Plo contacted Sha, this doesn't make much sense.
 * 13) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:22, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *"The Council joined their minds with Sha Koon and Iktotchi Jedi Master Saesee Tiin and came up with a plan to bring an end to the conflict." Two things:
 * 15) ** Was Saesee Tiin not a member of the Council?
 * 16) ***Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****You've given enough context now that I removed the mention of Saesee, because if he's a part of the Council, you don't need to mention him unless you give further context on him (I'm assuming it would be his telepathic abilities) which would then be quite unwieldy. —Tommy 9281  Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair ) 01:37, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ** I imagine you're talking about the SHW as "the conflict", but because the previous few sentences are lacking some sort of context as to what's going on, this kinda smacks the reader in the face as an unrelated topic.
 * 19) ***Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:22, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * "After Koon passed the trials necessary to become a Jedi Knight, the Padawan Baylis Archan, who was born on Corellia, was assigned to her." This has nothing to do with the preceding topics, and should therefore be placed elsewhere in the article.
 * 21) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Shortly after the death of CIS Head of State Count Dooku during the Battle of Coruscant, Plo Koon assigned Sha to search the Jedi Archives for any leads regarding the Sith Lord that Dooku claimed was controlling the Senate." Again, this sentence has nothing to do with the preceding topic, so perhaps some sort of time marker would make it seem less like you are just jumping from idea to idea.
 * 23) * "Koon awoke to find members of the 501st clone trooper legion executing Order 66&mdash;Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's directive to all clone troopers to eliminate the Jedi&mdash;and attacking the Jedi Temple." The attack that Sha Koon awoke to witness was actually Operation: Knightfall. In the last sentence of the previous paragraph, you should state that Plo Koon's death was a result of Order 66.
 * 24) **I think this is taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 25) * In the last paragraph of The Clone Wars section, you use "clone trooper" or "trooper" five times in five sentences. Please rework this.
 * 26) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) *That's all, not bad. —Tommy 9281 Mechnochair negwt.jpg ( Mechno-chair )
 * 28) **Thank you for the review, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:44, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) Attack of the Clone
 * 30) * Please limit your excessive use of "return" in the intro.
 * 31) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) * "and escaped the attack on the Jedi Temple, which was led by Anakin Skywalker, who was now the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader": please smooth out this choppy, rough, and extraneous context. I doubt you even have to mention the Skywalker part.
 * 33) **Now that I think about it, you're right. The fact he was Skywalker does not bear any relevance to the intro. Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) * Seconds to Die is not a source for the fact that she was born on Dorin. Home planet ≠ birth world.
 * 35) **Got it. Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * "She informed the Council of this along with her Master Saldith, who felt it best to come to Jedi Master Mace Windu and the Council on this matter." Overall, the majority of the wording in this sentence is unclear and rather awkward. Please try to reword somehow.
 * 37) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:24, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * Where is this Battle of Giju name coming from? If it's not official, then it can't be used. Please source it.
 * 39) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * The Databank entry for Bal'demnic is not a source for Koon's training of Archan.
 * 41) **Don't know how I missed that one. Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * For what reason did Koon refuse Nu's help?
 * 43) **This one still remains.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ***In the comic, Nu says, "If you would tell me what you are looking for, Master Sha, I might be able to help you find it.", to which Koon says, "What I look for, Master Nu, may not be in the lines but between them." I'm not sure exactly how to word this?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:14, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****"She refused Nu's help because she believed that the librarian would be unable to help her"?  CC7567  (talk) 23:14, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *****That sounds good, thanks for the help. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:39, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * Can the fact that Rayce was friends with Koon and showed her the passageways be mentioned any earlier?
 * 48) **I really don't think so, there's no telling when Nu took Rayce as a Padawan.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:10, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ***The placement of the first part is fine, but that of the second is still a little shaky. I'm sure that you can merge them together somehow for coherency.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) ****Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:35, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) *I have to stop now and continue later due to time constraints. Please continue to watch your linking; anything less than acceptable shouldn't be acceptable to you.  CC7567  (talk) 19:23, February 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * Is there any hope for a better infobox image that will actually fit the proper size? I'd recommend asking one of our image gurus for assistance if you are unable to do so.
 * 53) **Eh, I really don't think so. I'll look in the comic for a better image. Mauser is currently banned, and a couple of the do not own the comic, so I'll have to ask around.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***Looked in the comic, and the current image is really the best one we've got. What do you mean by fitting the image?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:59, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****One that is actually big and good enough to fit the 250px infobox width. And not to put him down, but Mauser isn't the only image expert here.  CC7567  (talk) 21:57, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) *****Got it, I'll ask them to see if they can do it. If they can't, there really aren't any other options.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:51, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) ******OK, JMAS fixed it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * Is it "Jedi Temple Underlevels" or "Jedi Temple underlevels"? Consistency is an important part of writing.
 * 59) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * "Sha Koon was a Kel Dor female who was born into the Koon family." I'm unsure how this repetitive information is relevant to the P&T.
 * 61) **Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) * Can Koon's telepathic powers be clarified early on in the bio, preferably before she uses them during the Stark Hyperspace War?
 * 63) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) * Likewise, please clarify that Archan possessed telepathic abilities in the Bio. It's relevant.
 * 65) **Please try it.Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) * "Before Koon confronted Vader underneath the Jedi Temple, the Sith Lord told her that she was the last Jedi." How does this reflect on Koon's P&T?
 * 67) **It's relevant because she felt that she was the last Jedi, and would be the only resistance to Vader.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ***Is there a reason that it's only mentioned in the P&T, then? If it's important enough to be in the P&T, I don't see why it shouldn't be in the Bio as well.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 70) *****"After Vader remarked that Koon was the last Jedi": Kasra, if you use this reference, you still need to clarify in the article why it's relevant to Koon and why this mattered to her. Consistency is your friend.  CC7567  (talk) 23:14, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 71) ******Is this what you're looking for?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:19, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) * "and used a lightsaber containing a green crystal": any reason that this is in the P&T and not the P&A?
 * 73) **I usually stick the lightsaber and color in the P&T, while I stick their skills with it in the P&A.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 74) ***A habit isn't an explanation. I'd like to hear the clarification from you.  CC7567  (talk) 04:53, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****I don't think the color of the lightsaber has relevance to the P&A section, since the section is about her abilities with it. To me, saying it was green while citing her abilities with it is not necessary.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:02, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) * Please be consistent in your usage of "Koon" vs. "Sha." I understand the issue with Plo Koon sharing her surname, but if you use "Koon" throughout the article, Sha&mdash;as the subject of the article&mdash;naturally takes precedence and should therefore not cause excessive confusion.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) * "Near the end of the Stark Hyperspace War, Plo Koon was able to contact Sha all the way from the planet Troiken while Sha was on Coruscant." This needs to be rephrased to reflect on Koon, not her uncle.
 * 79) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 80) * "She utilized the ability to push her enemies away with the Force." Physically? Mentally? Please elaborate.
 * 81) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 82) *I will be going through this article once more to ensure optimal quality after you fix these objections. Also, it very much seems that, for whatever reason, you didn't proofread your changes properly when addressing the first review; the fact that I had to correct most of your changes is a testament to that. I'd recommend that you try to proofread more carefully in the future, as the standards that you set and aim for have to be your own, not mine or those of the Inqs.  CC7567  (talk) 05:31, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) **Yeah, sorry about that. I'll try not to let it happen again.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:21, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) * Can her telepathic abilities be mentioned anywhere in the intro?
 * 85) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) * Can some sort of time marker be established from the beginning of the Bio?
 * 87) **What do you mean?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) ***Exactly what it sounds like&mdash;something to indicate some sort of date for her birth, such as "in the last decades of the Republic" or something more creative that you might think of.  CC7567  (talk) 20:16, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) ****Got it, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 90) * Please check the P&T and P&A against the Bio to make sure that the latter implements all relevant information necessary to her life.
 * 91) **I think I got it all, please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:33, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) * Please clarify what the definition of "training" is&mdash;the comic doesn't seem to clarify that she had to complete her training before being assigned to Saldith.
 * 93) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) * Why were Plo Koon and the others on Troiken?
 * 95) **Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:05, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) * "Saldith told Jedi Master Mace Windu that he had felt it best to come to Windu and the Council on this matter." Is there any way that you can reword this so that it sounds more relevant to Koon? The current wording gives the impression that the reader doesn't necessarily need to know this.
 * 97) **Please try it, it is relevant to Koon, but really don't know how else I could word it to make it sound more relevant.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:33, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 98) * Please clarify where it's stated that she was a General. That Databank entry doesn't confirm that.
 * 99) **Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 100) * Please limit the use of "forced" in the Clone Wars section.
 * 101) **Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:17, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 102) * Can the "Confronting Darth Vader" quote be employed in any way toward her P&T and her views on Vader?
 * 103) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 104) ***I was referring more to the part that contains "Killer of younglings. Betrayer of friends. Destroyer of the Jedi to whom you claimed allegiance. Animal. I have longed for this day." instead of an addition that looks like it was copied straight from the Bio. Please reword and include anything from that quote that may be relevant.  CC7567  (talk) 22:53, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) ****Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 106) * Why was Koon so surprised to recognize Vader? (You might want to clarify his physical appearance during their confrontation, as she wasn't witness to his injuries like Kenobi was.)
 * 107) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 108) * Is it "holocom" or "holocomm"?
 * 109) **Fixed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) * "As the creatures attacked the Dark Lord, Koon explained that they were easily controlled by the Force." I'm assuming that Animal friendship can be linked here; however, please clarify this.
 * 111) **Yeah, I guess it was animal friendship. Linked.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 112) * Can you better clarify why Koon had to wear a breath mask instead of simply referencing her species, which isn't very clear?
 * 113) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:10, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * Is her inclusion in Jedi vs. Sith at all enough to warrant a Legacy section?
 * 115) **I really don't think so. Plo Koon only mentions her in an entry on Force lightning in "Jedi vs Sith".
 * 116) *That's all from me.  CC7567  (talk) 04:54, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) **Thanks for the review, CC!-Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:27, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) * "When her uncle came to Dorin to take her to the Jedi Temple, Koon knew why he had come for her without a word being said." I think you might have misinterpreted my request to check the P&T and P&A against the Bio&mdash;please clarify how this is relevant to the P&T, as I can't see why it is.  CC7567  (talk) 22:53, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) **I removed that bit.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:26, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) I think you need to mention in the Bio that she didn't want to fight anymore after the death of her Padawan.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:10, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) *Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 123) * Early life and Jedi training: "Because of her bond with her uncle, Koon understood the reason for his arrival without having to even ask him." You haven't actually said what his reason was yet, other than taking her to Coruscant. It's in the next sentence but it would read better if mentioned here or the previous sentence.
 * 124) **Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:26, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) * Powers and abilities doesn't seem to flow quite right. First paragraph is about telepathy except for the last sentence. Second paragraph starts with telepathy and then moves on to other abilities. It might read better if you put the first sentence from the second paragraph at the end of the first and last sentence of the first paragraph to end of the second, since it follows on from Vader getting the upper hand. Or any other way you can make it read better. Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:08, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) **Please try it. Thanks for the review, GT.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:26, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) **Please try it. Thanks for the review, GT.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:26, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments


 * Perhaps move the "Dark Times" and the P&T both one paragraph lower? -- Xd1358  Talk 19:40, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Could you explain? You mean move the images, right?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:49, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Oh God, of course I mean, I'm just experiencing writing problems :P It looks better now. -- Xd1358  Talk 19:58, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:03, January 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * My only concern is that stylistically, the frequent use of the em dash detracts from the quality of a well-researched article. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:49, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Vote to strike objection by Sean Red (Inq only)

 * 1) Per nominator's request. Objection appears to be resolved, though objector failed to strike. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:04, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 06:08, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 06:15, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 15:35, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:16, January 23, 2010 (UTC)