Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Brianna


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Brianna

 * Nominated by: 01:42, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: As recommended, trying for FA after GA success.

(5 Inqs/8 Users/13 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 06:52, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 22:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Graestan ( Talk ) 05:02, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:32, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  OLIOSTER  Sith_Emblem.svg 00:53, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:38, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) –Victor  Sienar.svg (talk page ) 03:37, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Looks good -  Skypopper (HoloNet Transmission) 18:08, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Per Skypopper. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:02, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) \.:*§:_JadenKorr13_:§*:./ 22:58, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) LordDeathRay  (My Sith Holocron)  01:22, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) --Eyrezer 00:17, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:01, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Preliminaries for that promised review:
 * 2) * A fair lot of the sections need to be further divided up. "Playing as a male Exile" in particular is one of the most exhaustively long sections I've ever seen.
 * 3) **Hopefully accomplished.
 * 4) ***"Early life" and "Travels with the Exile" should probably have subsections. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "Travels with the Exile" deserves a quote, preferably something about the Exile from Brianna's own dialog.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) * The "Masters" field of the infobox could be filled out a little more expansively and creatively.
 * 9) **Done
 * 10) ***Remember to list chronologically. Graestan ( Talk ) 15:58, 11 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * File:Lasthandmaiden.jpg is a pretty terrible image and could use a recapture.
 * 12) * Another image could probably be snagged to be fit into the BtS section; while something appropriate to the subject matter is preferable, general Brianna pictures shouldn't be any trouble, either.
 * 13) * Linking really needs to be gone over. Have pipelinking in mind (the missions, for example). Also, in particular I noticed some glaring omissions in the links for the BtS.
 * 14) **I believe this has been handled.
 * 15) * Graestan ( Talk ) 05:14, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Graestan the Merciless:
 * 17) * Please check the Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia for information.
 * 18) **According to Doluk, who has the CSWE, this is the entirety of Brianna's article, and the info has already been incorporated in the article: "An Echani Handmaiden who served the Jedi Knight Atris almost 4,000 years before the Battle of Yavin. She was the daughter of politician Yusanis and Jedi Master Arren Kae, veterans of the Mandalorian Wars. Brianna was born with evidence of her parents' infidelity and bore the stigma of this indiscretion. Brianna stole the freighter Ebon Hawk from Telos IV."
 * 19) ***At least put it in the source list. Why not source something to it, also, for good measure? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:03, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Done.
 * 21) * Please arrange the source list by publication date.
 * 22) **Check.
 * 23) * Reference tags number three and six appear to be identical. Please merge them.
 * 24) **Check.
 * 25) * "Brianna was the daughter of a forbidden love affair" – Agreement issues. Please rephrase. Also, "affair" is used a bit repetitively.
 * 26) **Check.
 * 27) * Please explain Kae's exile. How? From what?
 * 28) **Check.
 * 29) * The tense gets all wonky after this. Lose all the "woulds" and get back to normal, narrative past tense.
 * 30) **Check.
 * 31) * Mandalorian Wars needs context.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "the responsibilities of his other five daughters and Brianna" – Somewhat vague. Please be more explicit.
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * "The two" sounds odd after you speak of three people in the previous sentence.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * The Echani probably need some context. When you speak of Revan destabilizing them, it sounds odd, as they are presented simply, as if only a species, before this.
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) * Revan needs to be set up as the DLotS before referring to him offhand as such.
 * 40) **Done.
 * 41) * "brought under service to" – Please clean up the syntax.
 * 42) **Done.
 * 43) ***I fixed the new "were entered the service of." Graestan ( Talk ) 03:03, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) * "Masters of the Jedi Civil War" – This is somewhat confusing. Please be more specific.
 * 45) **Done.
 * 46) * Mentioning Brianna's ignorance of her own Force sensitivity during her time with Atris would be helpful.
 * 47) **Done.
 * 48) * Okay, was Yusanis married when he had the fling with Kae? You don't mention it, but go on to talk about his infidelity later.
 * 49) **Check.
 * 50) * I'm going to stop right here. I haven't even looked at the intro. Please take everything I've said here, and go back through the article vigorously, applying all the sorts of things I've pointed out. I'll resume the review once the previous objections have been rectified. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:18, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) Graestan's Unlimited Mercilessness: I wasn't kidding about the statement in the last round. I tried to keep going through, and came up with like five context and other content-related objections in a couple of sentences. Please, please go through the rest of the article; the types of things I'm going to object to are the ones I already have.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:15, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) Cylka:
 * 53) * More context is needed regarding her parents Yusanis and Arren Kae. Avoid mentioning Kreia this early because it will be somewhat difficult to give her context at this point.
 * 54) * More context is needed on Atris when she is introduced. Who was she, why was she there, and so on.
 * 55) * Same for the Telosian Jedi Academy when it is first introduced. You need to add in why it was built, what was stored there, etc.
 * 56) * More context on the destruction of Peragus and how the Exile and the Ebon Hawk were involved. Also explain why the ship was impounded and the companions detained by TSF.
 * 57) * More context on who the Exile when she is first introduced.
 * 58) * A bit of context as to how they tracked the Hawk to the hidden Academy and make sure to mention all of the companions.
 * 59) * The Exile agreed to Kreia's request so as to avoid a conflict - this needs more context. It is a bit arbitrary as it stands now. Cylka  -talk- 23:26, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) **Have dealt with the objections up to here so far.
 * 61) * Brianna and the Exile have a long conversation with each other in the Academy. This should be explained in greater detail.
 * 62) **Addressed.
 * 63) * More context is needed on the mission to find the Jedi Masters. Why were they on that mission in the first place and why was it important.
 * 64) **Also addressed.
 * 65) * A bit more information is needed on Atris's fall to the dark side.
 * 66) **Done.
 * 67) * Some more context is needed to the final battle at Malachor V. Cylka  -talk- 10:20, 9 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) **Also done.
 * 69) * The paragraphs in the P&A are a bit short. Either try flesh them out a bit, or maybe combine them.
 * 70) **Done.
 * 71) * In the first part of the Bts, the paragraphs are too short. Combining them would probably be a good idea.
 * 72) **Done.
 * 73) * The playing as a male exile section is too long and much of the information is redundant. Instead of repeating the same information that is in the body, maybe just a paragraph or two explaining the differences will suffice. A lot of the information in this section can be integrated into the main body since we know that Brianna traveling with the Exile is canon. It seems to me that only the romance needs to stay in the Bts.
 * 74) **Addressed.
 * 75) * The romance with a male Exile needs to be expanded a bit more. You should include her jealous interactions with Visas Marr.
 * 76) **Done.
 * 77) * Brianna also had a Handmaiden's staff. You should try to fit that in somewhere.
 * 78) **Done.
 * 79) *The article is well on it's way. It just has a bit too little information in some areas, and a bit too much redundancy in others. But it's looking good! Cylka  -talk- 20:08, 6 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) Four Dot:
 * 81) * "Brianna eventually received Jedi training from the Exile and become known as one of the Lost Jedi, resulting in a forced fight between Brianna, her sisters and former master." - Forced fight? This is confusing. Perhaps this should be elaborated upon in the intro, which would beef it up and allow it to be split into two paragraphs.
 * 82) **I elaborated a bit to make the info a bit more clear, but I don't think it's quite enough for two paragraphs.
 * 83) ***I split it myself, but if you don't like how it looks, feel free to switch it back. And that reads much better now. Thefourdotelipsis 06:57, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) ***It looks fine to me, I just wasn't sure if that was what you were looking for.
 * 85) * "The offspring of Echani parents were perceived as being identical in appearance to anyone who was not of the Echani, presumably favoring the physical characteristics of their parent of the same sex. Because of this Brianna looked different from the other handmaidens, taking the genetic characteristics of her Jedi mother." - This seems like a bit of a given to me, and can perhaps be stated more economically.
 * 86) **Ok, hopefully this is a bit better.
 * 87) ***I understand the significance better now. Good. Thefourdotelipsis 02:56, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 88) * There are times where it feels as though you are straying away from Brianna's story to tell the story of The Sith Lords. This is obviously necessary, but it generally feels like you are telling the Exile's story at these points, and Brianna's story is momentarily abandoned. You should probably take a look at these segments and try and tweak them more towards Brianna's perspective. Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 89) **I tweaked it a little bit, but since I'm not sure which segments you meant specifically, feel free to point them out if I missed them.
 * 90) ***I think you've fixed the major one. Looking back, the other bits that gave me pause are probably going to have to stay that way. Thefourdotelipsis 22:48, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 91) From the Pasta Bowl of Fiolli&hellip;
 * 92) * "Atris hoped to revive the Jedi Order after most of the other Jedi had been killed by the Sith on Katarr&hellip;" The conclave needs context. It was not part of the Jedi Civil War and that is what ends the sentence and paragraph prior.
 * 93) **I a bit of detail on this.
 * 94) * "Brianna confessed that she was the only one of her sisters who did not doubt the Exile's battle prowess and that she was often distracted by the Jedi teachings Atris had rescued and stored at the academy." This sentence does not make sense. Please clarify.
 * 95) **Clarified.
 * 96) * "&hellip;and was seemingly satisfied by the answers both the Exile and Kreia provided." The word 'seemingly' is speculative and OR unless that word or a direct synonym is stated in canon. Drawing this conclusion from some of the cutscenes in the game are tenuous at best.
 * 97) **Removed.
 * 98) * "After the duel, Brianna pledged undying allegiance to the Exile, renouncing her title of Last of the Handmaidens, and embracing her true name." This is a great sentence and plot point, but it has no context earlier in the article. Something about Brianna's identity crisis should be mentioned earler.
 * 99) **Added an earlier mention.
 * 100) * "Traya had also manipulated the Sith into attacking Citadel Station." What does this sentence have to do with Brianna? It makes no sense in a paragraph about Malachor.
 * 101) **This sentence was just out of place I think.
 * 102) * "Brianna aided the Exile and the Telos Security Force in fending off the Sith assault on Citadel Station before joining the Exile in pursuit of Traya to Malachor V." This sentence shifts the focus too far away from Malachor. Please shuffle this paragraph to keep a more better flow.
 * 103) **Hopefully this is a bit better.
 * 104) *** I think I know what you were trying to do, but now the middle part does not make sense to me. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 105) ****I shifted things around a little. 02:37, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 106) * Is there no unique information from the Campaign Guide?
 * 107) **I don't think there is any particularly noteworthy info from the Guide, but if anyone who actually has it can prove me wrong, I'd be glad to make the additions.
 * 108) *** I do not have it handy, but I would be surprised if there is nothing new in it. See if anyone on IRC has it around. I will try to dig it up in the coming days, too, but please see what others say. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 109) ****I see that it has been added by other Inqs. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:38, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 110) *&mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:22, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 111) Darth Trayus
 * 112) * For all the information presented in the body of the article, the introduction is astoundingly short. Expand a bit.
 * 113) **Expanded. 18:10, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) * Nowhere in the article does it say where the Jedi Masters were found, only where they were gathered. Include mentions of Nar Shadaa, Korriban, Onderon, and the fact that Vrook was already on Dantooine.
 * 115) **Mentioned. 18:10, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 116) * Darth Trayus  Sith_Emblem.svg ( Trayus Academy ) 20:15, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 117) Eyrezer:
 * 118) * Is it known whether Brianna was given into her father's custody before or after Kae was exiled?
 * 119) **Details on Brianna's early life aren't very specific, so it's not really clear who took care of her before Kae's exile. 18:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) * Was her father a politician before the Mandalorian Wars or only after?
 * 121) **Only after, I've clarified that point. 18:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) * It says Brianna was ordered to sneak aboard, then that Rand vocally objected to allowing a spy to travel with them. How did they discover her on the ship?
 * 123) **Also clarified. 18:13, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 124) * "Kreia eventually informed the Exile of Brianna's heritage, but cautioned her against training the handmaiden" I think this sentence is redundant considering you go on to retell the encounter in the next paragraph in more detail.
 * 125) **I see your point, sentence deleted. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) * "sparring without clothes; Brianna conceded that bulkier clothes would be more practical." Is this without clothes or all, or is it more that the Echani do not use armor?
 * 127) **Clarified. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 128) * "During this time, Kreia sent a message to Atris through the Force" What is the connection between Kreia and Atris?
 * 129) **The game never specifies a connection between the two, Kreia just suddenly sends a telepathic message. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) * "Kreia revealed that she had been manipulating the Exile all along" Revealed this to who?
 * 131) **Clarified. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) * "There, the Exile had lost her connection to the Force" When did this happen?
 * 133) **I mention in the preceding sentence that it happened during the last battle of the Mandalorian Wars. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)--Eyrezer 08:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) ***"The Exile had learned from Atris that the Sith had gone to a secret academy on Malachor V". Is 'the Sith' referring to Traya in this sentence?
 * 135) ****Replaced to specify Traya.
 * 136) * "and teach future Padawans of the Jedi who gave up the Force, and became better for it." Is she teaching Padawans about those Jedi that gave up the Force, or is it the "Padawans of the Jedi"? It's a bit ambiguous.
 * 137) **Clarified. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 138) * This bit about her having a sense of humor seems a bit dubious to me... It doesn't really seem like a joke to me, and the following sentence seems to back that up. As a martial arts expert she probably knew how to incapacitate people by a strike to the neck.
 * 139) **This was based on her tone when saying this sentence which seemed to imply her attempting a joke, which I hope is enough basis. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) ***Seems pretty ify/OR to me. I'd prefer it was removed.
 * 141) ****Alright, no problem.
 * 142) * "There were records that indicated she slew Darth Nihilus although the accuracy of these records is questionable" What are these records? As this is the Bts, just come right out and state the source.
 * 143) **Stated. 05:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 144) ***Can you add something to the bio about the NJO's remembering her deeds etc as per JvS? --Eyrezer 05:20, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 145) ****Done. 03:22, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 146) * "If Brianna joins the Exile and then falls to the dark side" Can you make it clearer in the Bts when and why Brianna might go to the dark side? Does it depend on the player going to the dark side? If so, it might be appropriate to have a subsection for the Dark side ending, similar to Alternative storyline section in the Jedi Exile's article. --Eyrezer 08:23, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 147) **Ok, I enhanced this part a bit. 22:39, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 148) * I see that Brianna is mentioned in Jedi vs Sith. As this is an in-universe document, can you add a few sentences about how she was remembered, including possible ambiguity. See the final section of the Darth Bandon article for the kind of thing I have in mind. --Eyrezer 10:23, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 149) **Hopefully accomplished. 02:19, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 150) ***I changed the ref and placed it outside the Game completion template. --Eyrezer 00:12, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 151) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 152) * Is there something you can link to for her final "confrontation" in the intro?
 * 153) **Since there isn't an article for the duel in the academy, the closest thing I could probably link to would be the Battle of Telos IV, if that's the sort of thing you're looking for.
 * 154) * "Yusanis, a master combatant of the Republic world of Echani, was married to another woman to whom he had five daughters, while Kae, as a member of the Jedi Order was forbidden to form strong attachments; despite these restrictions, the couple began a secret relationship, risking their status by continuing to meet." Run-on.
 * 155) **Fixed.
 * 156) * AFAIK, Echani is not a planet. Please rectify or point the link to the proper destination. You also later refer to it as a planet in the context of Revan's conquest.
 * 157) **The Echani homeworld is listed as Eshan in the article, but the article is a redlink and lacks a source, so I'm unsure as the its validity, but I'll use it for now.
 * 158) ***It has since been confirmed to be unreliable, and the article now refers to the Echani Homeworld instead.
 * 159) * "was holding suspects who had recently arrived in the system" Suspects of what?
 * 160) **Clarified.
 * 161) * "Atris was unaware that the new owner of the ship was a former friend" Friend of Atris, or Brianna?
 * 162) **Clarified.
 * 163) * "a former–Sith assassin" misused dash, methinks. Please clean this up a bit.
 * 164) **Dash removed.
 * 165) * "With her acceptance" Unclear antecedent.
 * 166) **Fixed. 20:58, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 167) * "her interest in these artifacts eventually led to her taking the position of Jedi historian" This is only a prediction. Please clarify that.
 * 168) **Clarified. 20:58, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 169) * "Brianna tended to view things in terms of black and white, and argued with the Exile over some of her decisions" Clarify, expound, and possibly move this sentence to another paragraph. It doesn't fit well in its current location.
 * 170) **Clarified. 19:04, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 171) * " without any visible issues" reword.
 * 172) **Reworded.
 * 173) * "As with a female Exile, at some point the Exile asked Brianna to teach her Echani fighting techniques," Uh . . . this doesn't happen in-game with a female Exile. Add a ref or remove the bit about "As with a . . ." because it's quite obvious to me that this isn't possible with a female exile.
 * 174) **Yeah I missed that one. Fixed. 19:04, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 175) *I agree with 4dot that more pictures wouldn't be amiss, but I'll refrain from making an actual objection about it. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 19:42, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just a suggestion: Surely more images can be found for illustration purposes. Screenshots from the game will suffice. Thefourdotelipsis 03:42, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * There really needs to be a "conflicting cannon tag line at the top of the article. The game itself (playing as the canon female character conflicts with the Essential guide to the force and the Minatures' information.  This is a conflict...the later references do not supercede the actual canon game story line.  It should have a header at the top of the article, not just the BTS discussion...Also the conflict should have its own subsection in BTS. IthinkIwannaLeia  WaddaUthink?  01:23, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Trivia question: Was this the first article ever at Wookieepedia, as said here? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:34, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Just a small update letting everyone know that I'm still here. I'm just waiting for a some clarification from Eyrezer on his objections. 01:18, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Remove nomination (Inquisitorius vote only)
 * 1)  I'm calling this one derailed.  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:42, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm back after an admittedly lengthy absence and started working on the article again yesterday. Just letting you know! 22:11, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Keep nomination
 * 1) At least for the time being. I think it can be salvaged. Fair warning to the nominator, though: I'll be easily swayed if nothing is done. Thefourdotelipsis 06:34, 17 April 2009 (UTC)