Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Horzao Darr


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Horzao Darr

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 18:57, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Already passed GA, has been suggested to take it up to FA.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Yes, indeedy-do. I enjoyed reading this when it was up for GA, Cavalier, and after reading it again, I'm glad to see that it still retains the good writing I enjoyed the first time :)  Greyman  @wikia ( Talk ) 01:33, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Very nice. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:20, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I enjoyed reading this article when it was up for GA, and thought it would be worth this.  Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 11:16, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Highly enjoyable read. Thefourdotelipsis 10:05, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:58, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 1) Blah blah blah:
 * 2) * I think "iron-fisted" is a tad POV.
 * 3) **Removed.
 * 4) * The outcome of the skirmish with Rei'kas should really be included in the intro.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) *French spacing is generally discouraged, I think, because it makes no difference to the article, and just ups the KBs. Not an objection, just letting you know for future reference; Culator's AWB should sort it out, anyway. :-)
 * 7) **Sorry, force of habit. Trained to write in double spaces during my college years, and I use it in both my personal and professional life :) -  Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 21:06, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) **Very well-written and interesting article. Please continue in the same fashion ;-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:50, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * You refer to this ruling council here uncapitalized, but you later capitalize the word "Council" down in that paragraph. Please figure out which one is correct, capitalized or not, and stick with it for consistency. Also, it would be good to link this council to something if possible. Please check: "and the ruling council for control of the planet"
 * 2) **The source is inconsistant as well, but it favours lower case so I've adjusted it accordingly. I have also made a link and created the article.  Not entirely sure by what you mean by check "and the ruling council for control of the planet" - was that just an indictor of the sentence you mean, or is there something wrong with it?
 * 3) ***Sorry for the confusion. That's just how I format my objections. I leave a comment followed by a colon and the item from the article in quotations. I just meant to check to see if we had an article for this ruling council. Thank you for creating the article, very nice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * You shouldn't wait so long to introduce him as having the rank of captain. This is especially awkward after you say people wanted him promoted to Supreme Admiral. Please specify his captaincy prior to the Supreme Admiral mention: "In 8 ABY, Captain Darr..."
 * 5) **Added a link in the intro, and in the third paragraph. The problem is that we only know he is a Captain as of 8 ABY - although he commands the flagship, there is no confirmation that he was given the rank at the same time.  He probably was, but it is speculation.
 * 6) ***Ah, I understand. Very well then. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:42, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * I'm not sure what a "strike form" is. A strike team?: "to allow a strike form to infiltrate"
 * 8) **Typo - should be "strike force". Fixed.
 * 9) * Please reword to avoid the weasel word "apparently." This should ideally be worded to state, factually, he either did or didn't do something: "Darr was apparently in contact with the former smuggler Jorj Car'das"
 * 10) **Removed and fixed.
 * 11) * Going along with the previous section, this sentence doesn't fit the tone of our articles. Please reword to say he either was or wasn't practical. If you can't say for sure, I would suggest removing this entirely: "It appears that Darr was also a practical man, as he realized that the best chance to bring down the Devisors lay with the FarStar and her superior technology."
 * 12) **Removed and fixed. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 00:57, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Very nice job, Cav. I hope you keep writing FAs. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:24, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) Grass clippings:
 * 15) * Kathol Outback in the first sentence of the intro needs some context. Its significance should be noted.
 * 16) **Added.
 * 17) * "in the shape of" in the intro reads awkwardly.
 * 18) **Reworded.
 * 19) * Not so sure if "realspace" should be pipelinked through "space" when referring to space travel in general&mdash;in Star Wars, space travel usually means hyperspace travel.
 * 20) **Removed.
 * 21) * Jumping straight to calling someone an insurgent without first setting up that there was dissent isn't good form. Please remedy this.
 * 22) **Added some context to the rebellion, but it is noted that Exocron suffered internal conflicts further up.
 * 23) * "delegated command of the space forces to his second-in-command" is a bit awkward.
 * 24) **Removed "his second-in-command".
 * 25) * Car'das's role in the sector aside from his Aing-Tii connections should be mentioned, as otherwise his mention seems random.
 * 26) **Expanded information on Car'das.
 * 27) * The Rakatan word reference is somewhat irrelevant, in my opinion. I don't think it belongs, as the likelihood of a connection would be slim to none IU.
 * 28) **I've removed it. The inclusion of the reference was discussed in IRC. I agree that it is somewaht unconnected with the article, but I thought it was an interesting enough coincidence to include.
 * 29) *This has to be one of the cleanest noms I've read by a newcomer to the FAN page. Good work. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:04, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) **Many thanks for the review. - Cavalier One ( Squadron channel ) 08:48, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

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