Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Onnelly Praji


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Onnelly Praji

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 02:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A cloth-eared bint if ever there was one.

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Per IRC review. Kilson Likes PIE 05:02, 02 May 09 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 21:45, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:02, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 16:31, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 13:13, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) --Eyrezer 05:27, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Looks like this is ready for AC approval. Good job! Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 04:29, 30 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Attack of the Clone
 * 2) * I found it a bit strange that Tannon Praji was introduced in the intro as Maree's husband; I mean, it's normally a given that they were married. In any case, it's currently exclusive to the intro.
 * 3) **I cut Maree out of the intro.
 * 4) * Byss needs context in the intro.
 * 5) **Already there, I mention that it's Palpatine's private retreat.
 * 6) ***Could you check this again? It doesn't look like anything changed for Byss in the intro; it currently says nothing except that the Emerald Speldor Estates were on it.
 * 7) ****The context is a few sentences later. Thefourdotelipsis 21:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) * "Sonta, actually the Jedi Drake Lo'gaan": rather awkward; please change to "who was actually the Jedi Drake Lo'gaan" or something similar.
 * 9) **Fixed.
 * 10) * "as he was not making any sense to her" needs to be reworded, as does "Sonta put it bluntly"; both are rather grammatically awkward.
 * 11) **Tweaked.
 * 12) ***Could you check the first one again? "Not making any sense" is usually impersonal; it's usually "it doesn't make sense," not necessarily "not making sense to a person." Please try to reword.  CC7567  (talk) 19:00, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) ****Tweaked again. Thefourdotelipsis 21:43, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * Who was "the boy" who "was in fact a Jedi"? Bit unclear.
 * 15) **Well, I've only called one person "the boy" up to this point.
 * 16) * "and was not acting undercover" sounds unclear; do you mean he was now acting undercover? If not, please clear this up.
 * 17) **This has already been tweaked.
 * 18) * Please check your use of the word "debark"; I think you mean "depart".
 * 19) **I do indeed. Fixed.
 * 20) * "She was reliant on her father's ability to buy her what she wanted." Please reword this; it sounds a bit awkward as well.
 * 21) **Tweaked.
 * 22) * In the Bts, "established" is used twice; can one be changed?
 * 23) **Yes. Tweaked.
 * 24) * CC7567  (talk) 03:04, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 09:23, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Bumrushin' the Show with IFYLOFD:
 * 27) * In the intro: Tell why they were being relocated.
 * 28) **Fixed.
 * 29) * Give some context on Lo'gaan in the intro: such as he survived the Purge.
 * 30) **I've mentioned that he's a fugitive.
 * 31) * Tell what the Ministry of Ingress is.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "The boy obliged, and began carrying all the bags by himself at once." Is the part about the bags necessary?
 * 34) **Yes, it shows that a random stranger went through an extraneous amount of work for her.
 * 35) * Underlinking throughout the bio.
 * 36) **Could you cite specific examples?
 * 37) * "One of the stormtroopers observed that Lo'gaan had survived the jump—Tremayne was not surprised." Does it matter to the article whether Tremayne was surprised?
 * 38) **I've added a bit to the end there.
 * 39) * The P&T quote is really more relevant to Lo'gaan than to Onnelly.
 * 40) **It's gone.
 * 41) * IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 00:49, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) **Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 22:40, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) From the Council Chambers:
 * 44) * Context needed on COMPNOR and the Sub-Adult Group in both intro and body.
 * 45) **The context is in their self-explanatory names.
 * 46) * Context on the Clone Wars.
 * 47) **It's not directly relevant to her. Context would be too tangential.
 * 48) * "One of the stormtroopers observed that Lo'gaan had survived the jump&mdash;Tremayne was not surprised, and he left the room promptly." This whole sentence seem irrelevant to Onnelly; consider removing.
 * 49) **Gone.
 * 50) *Good job. Master JonathanJedi Council Chambers 00:19, 24 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) **Thanks. Thefourdotelipsis 23:14, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments