User talk:Master Jonathan

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Rawk
Could you please do a copy-edit and give objections to the article? Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:46, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

Done. Objections: Let me know if you have any questions. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:34, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Skywalker scouted the Rim for a planet": What "Rim"? There's the Inner Rim, Mid Rim, and Outer Rim.
 * That's the problem, the comic does not say which one.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:04, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * "and when Princess Fel explained that Rae was a Knight": Again, what kind of Knight? Jedi or Imperial?
 * Done.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:04, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * In the BTS, way too many sentences start with "Rawk". Please change several.
 * Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:04, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * The intro could use some shortening. Try for two paragraphs that are both the same length as or slightly shorter than the current first paragraph.
 * How about now?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:04, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * You may have misunderstood me. All I see is a change in where the paragraph break is. Try to remove about four to five sentences of extra detail, such as "Later, Skywalker told Rawk of his recent exploits, and Rawk told Skywalker about his mother, Morrigan Corde, when the former Jedi mentioned that he had met her." The intro is the place to summarize the major highlights, not for little details like that. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:24, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for you help, Jon.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:04, February 9, 2010 (UTC)