Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Jesmin Ackbar


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inq/3 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nominated.--Goodwood 16:48, 27 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 18:55, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 05:07, 1 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 4) Graestan  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( This party's over ) 02:45, 2 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman ( Paratus ) 02:52, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 6) Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:12, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 7) It's a trap!...Or not.  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 20:28, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 8) Cull Tremayne 20:45, 3 September 2007 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Should beef up the BTS a bit. --Eyrezer 13:04, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 2) *Addressed.--Goodwood 18:48, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 3) I'm not a fan of the letter being in there. Thefourdotelipsis 13:14, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 4) *Personally I feel that the letter is important for at least three reasons: first, it adds insight into Jesmin's character; second, it shows how profoundly her death affected Wedge and the rest of the unit; thirdly, it's the only "we regret to inform you..." letter you ever see in all of Star Wars, period. In that essence, it is very much an essential part of the story, and to break it up into quotes for the P&T section (which is a possibility, I concede) would do it a disservice. Strictly IMHO, mind.--Goodwood 18:48, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 5) **Why not just move the letter to a quotes page? Then you could link to it or something. As now, I have to agree that something about it looks odd. Cull Tremayne 19:20, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 6) ***I think I understand what you're saying - the funny border around the letter that sets it apart from the rest of the article. Is it possible to have it in there without the text box? If so, would it be acceptable to keep it in the page?--Goodwood 19:50, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 7) ****I really don't like it there under any circumstance. I think Cull's idea of moving it to a Quote page should suffice. Thefourdotelipsis 23:47, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * 8) From the Grey of Man
 * 9) * In the intro "&hellip;though she would meet her death not long after joining the squadron, Jesmin nonetheless proved her uncle's as well as her commander's faith in her abilities." Though I know "squadron" is referring to the Wraiths, it needs to be made clear since the sentence before that it says that no squadron would take her.
 * 10) **Addressed.
 * 11) * From early life: "Jesmin graduated from her initial training as a pilot at the top of her class" → This needs to be reworded. "a pilot at the top of her class"? I'm not sure, but it doesn't sound right. Does it mean she was the top pilot of her class? or near the top of class amongst other pilots? Clarify please.
 * 12) **Addressed.
 * 13) * "However, once she was assigned to a line unit, her commanders would not let her participate" Was the line unit a ground unit, ship, or squadron?
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) * "&hellip;careers headed for the incinerator&hellip;" Is there a better saying other than "headed for the incinerator which can be used? It doesn't sound like it belongs in an encyclopedia article.
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * Please expand on the situation of why Triogor Sllus slapped Jesmin and provide a brief explanation as to why he washed out of the Wraiths. Right now, it is just a random sentence in the article.
 * 18) **Addressed. No such explanation exists; incident mentioned in passing.
 * 19) ***Good to know, I took a look through the book and Allston just puts it as a random sentence as well :) Greyman ( Paratus )
 * 20) * Please expand this sentence which appears to be quite significant → "(during which Jesmin played a crucial role when she picked up incoming Imperial comm traffic indicating the approach of hostile fleet elements)". Along with Jesmin's role, a summary of the Wraith's part in that battle could be helpful as well.
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Can this be reworded so it is one or two sentences that flow together better? Right now it is choppy and reads like "Point 1; Point 2. Point 3. End." "The topic of Jesmin's place in the squadron came up; Ackbar, who had been surprised to see her name on the roster, asked her about it."
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * Please break this rather long sentence up → "Jesmin, as the squadron's communications specialist, aided in setting up and supervising the complicated holoprogram that would disguise Garik "The Face" Loran as the corvette's former master, Captain Zurel Darillian for the ersatz officer's dealings with Zsinj's contacts as, per Commander Antilles' plan, the vessel continued on its formerly appointed rounds."
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * "During an assault on the pirates of Blood Nest" → Please clarify what "Blood Nest" is. Is it a pirate group? Planet? ship? etc.
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) * "&hellip;against the hodgepodge force of Uglies&hellip;" → Please find a better word to use than hodgepodge.
 * 29) **Addressed.
 * 30) * "Due to the circumstances of the damage that her ship suffered she was rendered unconscious&hellip;" → Complicated wording. Please rewrite this particular part.
 * 31) **Addressed.
 * 32) * Please provide a reference tag for the following sentence, which is at the end of a paragraph with no tag → "In the immediate aftermath, Wedge composed a letter to send to her uncle."
 * 33) **Addressed.
 * 34) * Please expand upon her abilities as a communications expert in the Personality and traits section. It seems that she was rather good, and therefore it should have more than a passing mention there; an example or two would help.
 * 35) **Addressed.
 * 36) * While it is clear to us, it should be noted in the Behind the scenes that Aaron Allston also wrote X-wing: Iron Fist which you mention.
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * Please provide a brief explanation of the events around Ton Phanan's role in the battle you mention in the BtS. Why was this role important enough to not kill him off at the same time as Jesmin?
 * 39) **Addressed.--Goodwood 02:44, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 40) *Overall, a pleasure to read. Cheers, Greyman ( Paratus ) 01:42, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 41) Just a couple of things:
 * 42) * Expand on why nobody would let her see combat. It's mentioned in the intro but not in the biography.
 * 43) **Addressed.-Goodwood 13:05, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 44) * The part about her death was a little confusing since it doesn't actually say she was killed but does say she was knocked out. Just make it a little clearer that she was unconscious before the crash and killed on impact. Green Tentacle (Talk) 12:27, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * 45) **Addressed.-Goodwood 13:05, 3 September 2007 (UTC)

Comments

'''Approved by Inquisitorius 21:05, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * Any chance of getting a larger scan of the infobox image? So that it can be sized at 250px to fit the box? If not, it won't hold me back from eventually reading the article in full and voting. Greyman ( Paratus ) 03:00, 2 September 2007 (UTC)
 * High-res picture has been provided courtesy of Redemption. Greyman ( Paratus ) 14:18, 2 September 2007 (UTC)
 * The intro could stand to be expanded. Just a thought. Cull Tremayne 20:45, 3 September 2007 (UTC)