Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/HOB-147


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

HOB-147

 * Nominated by: Kilson likes PIE 18:09, 6 February 09 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: This is only my second GA nomination, so I hope that you can help me get HOB-107 to GA status.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 00:19, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 09:46, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 05:50, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:50, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Although I'm all hands to including Kamino as the homeworld of all clone troopers. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:36, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Cylka  -talk- 01:04, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) NaruHina
 * 2) * The intro is in need of expansion.
 * 3) * Completly unsourced infobox. Yes, I know it has only one source but there is no way Salvaged specified he was born in a certain year or on Kamino.
 * 4) * Context for Hurd Coyle.
 * 5) **Do not say that he was ferrying the younglings when Coyle is first introduced. All articles are to be written in a IU style and giving away all the details at the beginning is not IU. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:40, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Got rid of that part Kilson Likes PIE 18:57, 11 February 09 (UTC)
 * 7) * What kinds of battle droids did he send to check the ship?
 * 8) * "As a clone pilot, who were rarely trained in hand-to-hand fighting" This needs a source.
 * 9) **I got rid of that part Kilson likes PIE 18:57, 11 February 09 (UTC)
 * 10) * Order 66 needs context at its first mention.
 * 11) **Context given Kilson Likes PIE 18:57, 11 February 09 (UTC)
 * 12) * "147 wasn't only paralyzed for a moment by the second electro-dart." Then how long was he? Rephrase.
 * 13) * "meaning that HOB is the only "regular" clone trooper to not follow his orders" He is not a "regular" clone, he is a pilot. "He is the only one" is OR.
 * 14) **"is the only "normal" clone to not carry out Order 66 by choice." Is still blatant OR. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:40, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) **Satisfy these and I'll look again. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:25, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***OK, I did the corrections, but I do have a few arguements. True, we don't know for certain which years he was born. We do know, however, that all clone members of the GAR were cloned in Kamino. I just don't know which source said it. If you could tell me, or put it in yourself, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, Clone commanders, ARC troopers, and commandos were designed to to be more free thinking, the average clone trooper or pilot wasn't. That's what I ment by regular. Kilson likes PIE 21:15, 07 February 09 (UTC)
 * 17) ****I know what you meant by "regular" but he is still a pilot and has different training than that of a generic trooper. The OR is that you don't know he was the only "regular" trooper to refuse to use the Order 66 training. As well, there is not a way to dicern a comparison between his mind and that of an ARC that disobeyed Order 66 unless you put that in the text. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:14, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) ****We do not know that every clone was cloned on the Kamino site. How does anyone know whether or not he was clone-birthed somewhere else? There is no way to source that he specifically was born on Kamino, though the bulk of the GAR was. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:14, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) * Yes I know it is an established fact that all troopers are that height, it needs to be sourced in the infobox. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:21, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) **Got it, that should be good, right? Kilson Likes PIE 4:42, February 8 (UTC)
 * 21) * We have a template for Databank entrys Template:DB. Use it in your sourcing. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:35, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * {{Ref| Is only for use in the infobox. Remove it for body sourcing. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:35, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Done Kilson likes PIE 18:49, 08 February 09 (UTC
 * 24) * Nowhere in the Databank article does it say /all/ clone troopers were clone-birthed on Kamino. It just says that their homeworld is Kamino. The term Homeworld can mean that they were born there or that they consider it home, you cannot assume which one is correct in this case. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 21:47, 08 February 09 (UTC)
 * 25) **Clone trooper databank entry, second paragraph, lines 2 to 4, "...each of the first generations of clone trooper was grown in the cloning facilities of Tipoca City, on the storm-drenched world of Kamino." Meaning the first 1.2 million clones of the GAR which fought during the Clone Wars, which HOB was apart of, were born on Kamino.Kilson 18:04, 08 February 09 (UTC)
 * 26) **How do you know he was part of the first 1.2 million clones? NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 01:40, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) ***That's all the Republic had during the Clone Wars, 1.2 million clones, 10,000 Jedi about, and any volunteers they could get. Kilson 22:11, 08 February 09 (UTC)
 * 28) ****Look, there were 3 million clones, the point is there is no way to tell when he was cloned or where. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 13:42, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) *****Fine, here's a compromise, I'll put possibly next to Kamino in the Infobox. Is that good?" Kilson likes PIE 15:04, 09 February 09 (UTC)
 * 30) ******No. He's either definitely from Kamino or else we don't know, in which case we leave it black. -- AdmirableAckbar {{sup|(Talk)}} 20:12, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) *******Fine dude, no Kamino. Kilson likes PIE 15:53, 09 February 09 (UTC)
 * 32) Everything needs to be sourced if the infobox is. And you need to ref properly, so you don't have six ref notes for the same thing. Biography should be subsectioned. You shouldn't list those Databank entries in sources unless the character is specifically mentioned in them. In your ref notes for the Databank, state the specific Databank entry the info is from. -- AdmirableAckbar {{sup|(Talk)}} 11:54, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) *Got it, got it, double got it, got it, and got it Kilson 08:16, 08 February 09 {UTC)
 * 34) Naru's Shinigami Eye
 * 35) * "HOB was unusually strong and muscular" You still need to source that the average clone pilot was not strong or this is POV.
 * 36) * "During this time, he missed the Battle of Utapau and the death of General Grievous, along with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine declaring Order 66 and the extermination of the Jedi Order." Order 66 needs context here.
 * 37) *Thats about it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 07:58, 15 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Done dude. Kilson likes PIE 11:03, 15 February 09 (UTC)
 * 39) ***Not done. You still need the context saying something along the lines of "...Order 66, which told the clones to kill Jedi..." in the body to contextify it. NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 06:17, 17 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) ****OK, I got it now Kilson 15:09, 17 February 09 (UTC)
 * 41) Cavalier's torrent:
 * 42) * Intro - Shortly after Order 66, a measure that told the clones to eliminate any and all Jedi within the area, was issued and the Great Jedi Purge, the aftermath of Order 66 and an era of continued slaying of Jedi, began, he was rescued by the junk salvager Hurd Coyle. Choppy, run on sentence. Break up and rewrite, please.
 * 43) * Intro - Context on why the Empire is new is needed.
 * 44) * Order 66 needs a better description - mention needs to be made that it was a contingency order, and that it was enacted when the Jedi were perceived to have become treasonous and a threat to the Republic.
 * 45) * He was attacked by an unknown force - was it unknown to the reader as well? If not, an explanation of the method used should be added.
 * 46) * Did HOB really decide to disobey Order 66 after one question from Nia, or is there any more to their conversation?
 * 47) **The comic only shows this brief conversation, so I would have to assume that HOB was moved by only this. Given the fact that this is a childrens comic, I think that's was all that Nia needed to say to convice HOB. Kilson likes PIE 20:31, 24 Feburary 09 (UTC)
 * 48) * Any more quotes for section headings? - Cavalier One [[Image:FarStar Logo.jpg|20px]]( Squadron channel ) 12:44, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) **Take a look now and see. If you want to reword the Order 66 context at all, feel free. I think that it was good enough to start with, but you can decide. Kilson likes PIE 20:33, 24 February 09 (UTC)
 * 50) HOB appears in the CSWE, please check it for new information.  Grunny  {{sup|( Talk )}} 07:47, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 51) *There was no new information in the CSWE. Sorry you had to go through all this trouble for me just to tell you this. Kilson Likes PIE 18:07, 17 April 09 (UTC)
 * 52) Cylka:
 * 53) * HOB-147 was a male Human clone pilot [...] for Light Brigade Division in the Grand Army of the Republic - This information needs to be added into the article body, preferably at the beginning of the first paragraph. Since a bit of rewriting needs to be done to do so, I have left it up to you to decide how it should fit in.
 * 54) * Also, GAR's 150 contingency orders - needs to be fit into the article. Please remember that information cannot be exclusive to the introduction. Please double check this.
 * 55) * Regarding the Battle of Utapu, I'm not sure that the death of Grievous is relevant to HOB, but you could add in that it was the last major battle before Order 66 was issued, since you talk about that next.
 * 56) * He kicked them off him and found - Who kicked who or what off?
 * 57) *I turned "sick bay" into a pipelink for Medical bay, as it is one that I have seen before. It is a redlink, but I believe that I will be taking care of that soon enough. Also, please remember that when adding links to articles, you should write the correct name of the link, not a redirect. Cylka  -talk- 23:40, 2 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) **How about now. Kilson Likes PIE 11:09, 08 April 09 (UTC)
 * 59) * One last objection. HOB-147 made his first and only appearance in the Clone Wars Adventures comic, Salvaged. In it, he became one of the few known clone troopers to defy their programming, and allow Jedi to survive Order 66. - Does it specifically state in the comic that 147 was one of the few clone troopers to defy Order 66? If not, you need a source for this statement, otherwise it is OR/Speculation. Cylka  {{sup|-talk- }} 11:10, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) **I guess it was speculation, so I got rid of it. Kilson Likes PIE 18:08, 18 April 09 (UTC)
 * 61) One thing:
 * 62) * "an era of continued slaying of Jedi" This should be rephrased to read a bit better. Otherwise, nice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:37, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **I changed it, feel free to edit it if you don't like what I said. Thanks for the review dude. Kilson Likes PIE 19:03, 13 April 09 (UTC)
 * 64) Attack of the clone
 * 65) * "147 floated around for several weeks, unconscious. During this time, he missed the Battle of Utapau, the last major battle of the Clone Wars, in addition to Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's declaring Order 66&mdash;one of the Grand Army of the Republic's 150 contingency measures that ordered the clone forces to eliminate any Jedi in the area&mdash;as they were considered a threat to the Republic." First off, I changed "declaring" to "declaration of". The sentence is a bit of a run-on; I recommend starting a new one after "the last major battle of the Clone Wars."
 * 66) **Addressed
 * 67) * Also, for the above sentence, the dashes are slightly misleading, because the use of two dashes first makes it appear that the info between the dashes are a singular thought. It's more of a personal thing, but I think it would read better if the second dash (and perhaps the first as well) were replaced with a comma.
 * 68) **Addressed
 * 69) * "The clone ripped the metal chain which kept him imprisoned off the wall": although grammatically correct, it's slightly confusing; try to reword if possible.
 * 70) **Addressed
 * 71) ***Perhaps after saying that after 147 had "fully recovered and gotten back to his feet," mention there that he realized that he was chained to the wall or something. It just doesn't seem to work where it is right now. CC7567  [ http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] (talk) 04:37, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ****Addressed via IRC. CC7567  [{{fullurl:User:CC7567}} http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] {{sup| (talk) }} 05:50, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * "She asked him whether all clones were bad or not. 147 then realized that he should disobey Order 66, and help the Jedi escape from the new Empire." The second sentence can be merged with the first. Also, why exactly did 147 decide to disobey Order 66? Was it because he was disgusted with the new image of the clones as Jedi killers, or something else?
 * 74) **Addressed
 * 75) * "When Coyle went to greet them, their ARC trooper commander was about to order his men to tear the ship apart to find anything incriminating on board." Perhaps try to change the "about" to a verb, because it implies that the ARC commander's actions were an immediate threat to 147, or something similar.
 * 76) **Addressed
 * 77) *Article is looking good. &mdash; CC7567 [{{fullurl:User:CC7567}} http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/5f/Rex.png/20px-Rex.png] {{sup| (talk) }} 06:12, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 78) **Got them dude, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 03:41, 18 April 09 (UTC)

Comments {{Acapproved|01:04, 29 April 2009 (UTC)}}
 * I really hope this works Kilson Likes PIE 18:09, 6 February 09 (UTC)
 * Images aren't propely categorized. Mauser 19:40, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Look good to me. Kilson likes PIE 20:33, 24 February 09 (UTC)
 * You kidding? The main image alone has no categories at all. Mauser 16:03, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Take a look now Kilson Likes PIE 18:46, 25 February 09 (UTC)