Wookieepedia:Good article nominations

 This page is for the nomination of good articles. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Category:Wookieepedia good articles.

A Good article is an article that adheres to quality standards, but cannot reach FA status due to its limited content.


 * Good article nominations history
 * Good article checklist
 * Good article nomination rules

READ THIS FIRST!

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;following the review process, be stable, i.e., does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic if the length of the article supports it. This is essential in articles over 1000 words but may not be appropriate on articles with limited content.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks for articles less than 500 words, no more than 5 redlinks for articles 500 words or more, and no redlinks in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information, especially a biography for character articles. For articles under 1000 words in length, comprehensive detail is required with all information covered from all sources and appearances. For articles over 1000 words, broad coverage addressing all major aspects of the topic is sufficient.
 * 10) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 11) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 12) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article would be preferred, though not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 13) &hellip;ideally include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles if information is available.
 * 14) &hellip;ideally include a "powers and abilities" section on relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "Behind the scenes" section.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 250 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc). Alternatively, a comprehensive article cannot exceed 3000 words.

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of good status, putting it at the bottom of the list below. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above.
 * 2) Add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 3) Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.
 * 4) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 5) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 6) Per AgriCorps consensus, nominators are restricted to four nominations on the GAN page at any one time. Once one nomination is removed from the page as either successful or unsuccessful, another can be added.

How to vote:


 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) *If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
 * 5) Once a nomination has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;two of which must be AgriCorps votes&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. Alternatively, if a nomination receives a total of five AgriCorps votes with no outstanding objections before one week has passed, the nomination will be considered successful.
 * 6) The article is placed on the Good article list.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by AgriCorps vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 2 weeks.

Good article nominations
To nominate an article for Good article status, list it here. Nominated articles must meet all seventeen requirements stated above. If an article has a total of five votes, with at least three votes coming from AgriCorps or Inquisitorius members&mdash;one of which must be an AgriCorps vote&mdash;after at least a week since it was nominated (beginning the day of its nomination) and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), the article will be considered a "Good article" and tagged with the template. The talk page will also be tagged with the GA template. For complete instructions on archiving nominations please see here. Also remember to add GAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.

Saadoon-Kauldi

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:51, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: "I told you I didn't want any new Hutt crimelord for this RPG book, but that doesn't mean you are entitled to use your AD&D knowledge and create a dragon crimelord"

(3 ACs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 05:03, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:34, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:39, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:30, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Where's the intro...=P  Xd1358  Talk 13:46, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *The dragon ate it :P Seriously: Added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:14, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) The Grand Master's First Look
 * 4) * The bio is extremely unwieldy; for its length it could use subsections, and, once again, why are there so many small paragraphs?
 * 5) **Tried to change bio and to mix paragraphs. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) * I'm seeing a lot of underlinking.
 * 7) **More links added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) ***This remains. I'm still seeing quite a bit of underlinking, but you've now got some overlinking as well, and you've also linked to several redirects. Please try to clean these up.
 * 9) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Once again; this remains, albeit to a lesser extent. Please please please check and double-check all of your linking. You've been nominating articles for a while now, and this isn't something that I should have to reiterate. Also, was his criminal empire significant enough to deserve its own article; and why is there no article for his massacre on the slaver galleon?
 * 11) ******Tried my best. Created articles on skirmishes and his empire, even if I don't think they're significant at all. Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:01, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *******Partially better, but you've still got VERY messy linking. Things should be linked once in the intro, once in the body, and (if applicable) once in the infobox. Things should only be pipelinked if necessary (i.e. officers, not officers ) and if pipelinking, make sure the first letter is capitalized (i.e. butchered the slavers, not butchered the slavers ). Also, try to avoid pipelinking to more than just a small phrase (i.e. this: dedicate all of his resources to the abduction of slaver ships is rather eccentric; it could very easily be worded differently so that the link only covers a few words). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 22:20, February 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ********Done all that. I admit, I didn't know some of those. Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:39, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) *********Much better. I'll give the article another review soon. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:36, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "Details have not been revealed" sounds awfully OR/speculative & OOU.
 * 16) **Details were not revealed IU; only rumors. Anyway, changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ***This still doesn't make sense. I'm not even sure that such an "unconfirmed rumor" belongs in an article.
 * 18) ****Removed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) * Also seeing some grammatical errors.
 * 20) **Hope some less now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Better, but still seeing several errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:14, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) ****2nd attempt. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) *****Much better. Still seeing a few minor errors, but most fall under so I'll strike for now and hopefully find the time to give this another full review and copyedit sometime soon.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:41, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) * "and became a spice lord and a crimelord, strangely basing his power&hellip;" Strangely is way too POV.
 * 25) **Changed. Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:41, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) *More to come. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 14:40, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) The Grand Master II
 * 28) * The P&T is exceptionally extensive. It needs to be cut down some.
 * 29) **Rearranged with info included in bio if possible, to avoid missing anything important. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) * "intelligent, shrewd, stealthy and cultured" Does the source explicitly state these?
 * 31) **I used synonyms; he's described as: (a being of) devious cunning (=Shrewd), (with) intellectual stealth (=Intelligent + cultured + stealthy), and his RPG stats show him as a cultured person.
 * 32) ***Okay for everything except stealthy. Right now you make it sound like he was good at sneaking around, which is not what "intellectual stealth" means. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:44, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) ****'Stealthy' gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 22:31, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 34) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said?" Is it known whether he actually did or not?
 * 35) **Not changed: OS says it as an unconfirmed rumor. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 36) * "and sometimes admired as if he were a member of the Royalty." "The Royalty?" Whose royalty? There were lots of royalties in the galaxy.
 * 37) **Changed, but OS does not specify. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * "This person had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies." Who do you mean, "this person"? Kauldi or a Hutt? (Either way, "person" does not work here)
 * 39) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * "He believed in respecting the people he dealt with, even if he was in superiority of conditions." This is rather confusing. What exactly do you mean?
 * 41) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) * "This gave him several satisfactions, such as the Socorran Navy offering to send their ships should he ever needed his help." How is that a "satisfaction?" Wouldn't that be more of a favor?
 * 43) **Removed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) ***"This gave him several satisfactions." What do you mean? What satisfactions does this give him? It was more of the "satisfaction" that was awkwardly worded/confusing then the Navy's offer. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 45) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *****Yes, but the wording is still rather awkward. I would suggest using something other than "satisfactions;" also, does the source say "unexpected?" If not, it is OR and even somewhat POVish. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) ******Anything approaching OR or POV removed, including "satisfaction". Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) *******Now you've just contradicted yourself. Saying "deference was essential to his professional activities" is the opposite of what you just said: that he had no need to treat the people he dealt with with respect. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:29, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ********Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:11, March 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 50) * Does the source actually state he became "paranoid"?
 * 51) **(...) have left the crime lord more than a little paranoid. Not changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) * "Increasingly big and more restless, Saadoon-Kauldi wanted some permanent roots as of 0 ABY." What exactly do you mean, he "wanted some permanent roots?"
 * 53) **Stability. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:02, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ***It's not very clear what you mean by "stability". Stability of growth? Of living? Monetary stability? etc. Please clarify. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:10, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) ****Try now. Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali and disappear inside some cave." Do you literally mean that he would "disappear?" Either way, is this sentence really significant to the P&T?
 * 57) **Sentence changed; keep bc it tells about Saadoon's mid-term goals. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 58) * The timeline of events in the bio is very murky because you give absolutely no dates. Even if exact BBY/ABY dates aren't always known, could you at least give some relative dating throughout the article (i.e. "shortly after the outbreak of the Galactic Civil War"; "at some point prior to the Galactic Civil War"; "shortly after the destruction of the Death Star"; "around the time of&hellip" etc.)?
 * 59) **Added one date. OS is probably murky on purpose to give freedom to RPG gamemasters. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:37, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 60) * Does the source state that the Kadri'Ra were "dragon-like"?
 * 61) **Not changed: OS compares them with the Star Dragons. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 62) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:25, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) The Grand Master III
 * 64) * Could you use something less colloquial than "up-and-comer"?
 * 65) **Done.
 * 66) * "increasing the Kadri'Ra's influence and range." Increasing his range in what?
 * 67) **Better?
 * 68) * "hired all the staff he could need, including smugglers;" First off, this doesn't fit in grammatically where you currently have it. Second, does the source say he hired "all the staff he could need?" It sounds rather hyperbolic to me.
 * 69) **Better?
 * 70) * "Saadoon-Kauldi became a prominent crime lord and reduced his public appearances." What exactly do you mean by public appearances?
 * 71) **Better?
 * 72) * "A chance to change airs" What exactly do you mean "change airs?"
 * 73) **Better?
 * 74) ***A chance to move where? This doesn't make sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) ****Better?--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) *****I'll strike for now, but this is really an unnecessarily lenthy heading. Try to keep it simple and accurate pertaining to the info in the section. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) * "The Empire also began to actively attempt to enslave Saadoon-Kauldi again." When did they enslave him the first time?
 * 78) **Kauldi had been a slave, but OS doesn't specify whether an Imperial slave or not. Reworded to convey that meaning. Better?
 * 79) * "began asking the Kadri'Ra for advice in his venture to expand criminal influence outside Socorro." Who does "his" refer to? Saadoon-Kauldi or Abdi-Badawzi? Also, is Abdi-Badawzi related to the Badawzis that freed Saadoon-Kauldi?
 * 80) **Changed.
 * 81) * "and discovered the Kadri'Ra's worries." What worries specifically? Why is it important that he discovered them? Did he do anything about them?
 * 82) **Better?
 * 83) * "Saadoon-Kauldi then allied with Abdi-Badawzi" You mean he hadn't already? The previous paragraph concerning them made it sound like he had: "Abdi-Badawzi added Saadoon-Kauldi to his contact network."
 * 84) **Better?
 * 85) * "Abdi-Badawzi had sent Swain to sell Saadoon-Kauldi the ship precisely for that reason: The Twi'lek wanted an important, nearby ally supporting him, because he would then obtain greater influence and could expand the borders of his criminal empire to areas where Saadoon-Kauldi could protect him." Please mention this earlier, when you introduce Swain and the ship to begin with.
 * 86) **Better?
 * 87) ***Okay, but we're still missing out on the reason Abdi-Badawzi sent Swain to sell Kauldi the ship&mdash;that he wanted Kauldi nearby. Please reorder so that this is clear. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 88) ****Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * Is there an article for the Socorran Navy? If not, please create and link.
 * 90) **Done.
 * 91) * "As Saadoon-Kauldi became a public figure in the Socorran system, several rumors about him appeared. People said that Saadoon-Kauldi had been kidnapped from Arapia and transported as a slave, something that made him sympathetic to Socorran eyes. There were similar rumors about Abdi-Badawzi." This seems rather out of place. Also, why is it important that such rumors were formed about Abdi-Badawzi? And (in-universe) "people" typically refers humans; unless you only mean to refer to humans, please use something like "beings" or "inhabitants of Socorro"
 * 92) **Importance: Added sentence to mention that Socorrans knew him. Abdi rumors: Rmvd. People: Changed by locals.
 * 93) * Why is there so much information on Ethra Brewery in the 4th paragraph of the "Life in Socorro" section? How is this information relevant to Saadoon-Kauldi's article?
 * 94) **Rmvd.
 * 95) * "When talking to others, Saadoon-Kauldi used his native Kadri'Ra language and required a translator, commonly his indentured servant Guzald." This is very randomly placed, and does not follow the previous sentence or even the section in which it is placed at all. Why not just put this in the P&T?
 * 96) **Rmvd, as it's already in P&T
 * 97) * Random placement for this paragraph as well; it simply does not follow the previous paragraphs: "Saadoon-Kauldi was respected among criminals, and sometimes admired as if he were a King. The Hutts, who were as long-lived as the Kadri'Ra, were known to have good opinion of Saadoon-Kauldi. Saadoon-Kauldi had no enemies among the criminals, except for the slavers, and was well regarded even by certain law enforcement agencies."
 * 98) **Moved to P&T. Better?
 * 99) * Could the last section of the bio be broken up into two sections perhaps? It is far longer than any of the previous sections.
 * 100) **Better?
 * 101) * "Some Socorrans believed that, when that happened, Saadoon-Kauldi would go to the frozen surface of Neftali, enter some cave and vanish from public view." How is this relevant?
 * 102) **Rmvd.
 * 103) * "nineteen-year-old promise of piracy" What do you mean "promise of piracy?"
 * 104) **Changed.
 * 105) * Final paragraph of the bio: "unfortunately" is POV.
 * 106) **Rmvd.
 * 107) * "The Black Bha'lir jumped to help these people, as they were members of the Bha'lir." "Jumped" is colloquial.
 * 108) **Changed.
 * 109) *Will continue with the P&T once these are taken care of. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 02:19, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 110) **Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:49, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) The Grand Master Continues
 * 112) * "Saadoon-Kauldi was said to reward efficient employees with money and favors, and to forgive employees who failed him once." "Was said to?" We're not interested in what others "said." Did he or didn't he?
 * 113) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 114) * "Many Corellian smugglers living in Socorro wanted to work for him." Any reason why?
 * 115) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) * Why do you wait until the P&T to say that he was Force-sensitive? Also, was he aware of this? Is there any particular reason he was untrained? i.e. did he not desire to be trained? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) **Not changed: OS only mentions his F-sensitiveness in RPG stats, not specifying whether he was aware of it or not. Anything beyond untrained F-sensitive would be OR. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Okay, but if it just says that he was Force-sensitive, wouldn't adding that he was untrained also be OR? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:49, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 119) ****No, but added a footnote explaining it. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:50, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) * Why did you add "once" here? "He had low technical abilities and was a sub-par pilot.once." Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:58, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) **Uh? How did it get there? Gone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:27, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 122) * What is Saadoon-Kauldi (organization)? Is this meant to be the same thing as Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire? if not, please link it at appropriate places in the article. If it is, then please check the title (is the organization really also called "Saadoon-Kauldi?") and merge the articles and CSD one of them.
 * 123) **The text consistently says "Saadoon-Kauldi's criminal empire"; S-K is the person. I say, delete Saadoon-Kauldi (organization) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 124) ***Please make sure all information is merged; the organization page currently says that its criminal dealings included loansharking and credit laundering, which you do not mention in the criminal empire page or on Saadoon-Kauldi's page. Please verify this, and if it is true, please add it to those two pages. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:21, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 126) * The intro is missing plenty of important info from the bio (i.e. barely any mention of his alliance with Abdi-Badawzi, which receives prominent mentions throughout the bio, nor any mention of his support of the Rebel Alliance, etc.) Please make certain that all appropriate topics are covered in the intro
 * 127) **Better?
 * 128) ***Actually, that's a bit too much. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 129) ****Lol! Let's try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) *****This is more reasonably sized, but you still leave out plenty of information that is dominant in the bio. i.e. you don't mention the Merkel, you give no indication as to why he moved to the Socorro system, nor do you give any mention of Paulsen and co, who dominate the whole two final paragraphs of the bio; etc. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:50, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 131) ******Merkel, explicitly checked. Reasons to move to Socorro, already present. Mentions to Paulsen and other allies, checked. Intro not excessively long overall, checked. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:36, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) *******A couple things; first, by reasons to move to Socorro, I meant that it was mainly because of Abdi-Badawzi (again, this receives prominent attention in the bio, but no mention in the intro); second, in the intro, you say that Saadoon-Kauldi offered to lodge Paulsen and his allies, whereas in the body you say he only offered to lodge Ross and and Ransom. Which is correct? Also, please create an article for Izzat, now that the redlink is in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:30, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 133) ********Abdi: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 134) ********Who was lodged: Expanded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 135) ********Izzat: Stubbed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:37, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 136) * "He believed his followers would remember that gesture." Is there any further significance to this? During my copy-edit, I considered adding: "&hellip;gesture and would thus show him more loyalty." or something similar; however, as I am unfamiliar with the material, I didn't, in case the source said otherwise. If the source confirms this or gives any reason why he cared that they would remember the gesture, please add something of the like.
 * 137) **Not significant enough. Rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) * "The Twi'lek then discovered that Saadoon-Kauldi was worried about the Empire's attempts against the Kadri'Ra's freedom and decided to take measures." Decided to take measures to do what?
 * 139) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 140) ***"hopefully gaining him as a friend." Did you mean "hoping to gain him as a friend?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 141) ****Yes, Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 142) * "other unwanted situations" "Unwanted" is possibly POV. Also, like what? What other types of situations?
 * 143) **Changed. Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 144) * How was the Galactic Empire "directly responsible of the dwindling number of Kadri'Ra in Arapia?
 * 145) **OS doesn't say anything more on that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 146) * In the first paragraph of the "Tensions with the Galactic Empire" section, you say that he joined the Rebel Alliance "around this time," with around this time referring to the previously-stated date of circa 10 BBY. However, the Alliance wasn't formed until 2 BBY. Please adjust the date accordingly (i.e. say something along the lines of "sometime after 2 BBY"). But remember to source this to a source that states when the Alliance was formed.
 * 147) **Added - but he still discovered the Imperial-caused holocaust in 10 BBY per Black Sands. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 148) * "pirate Drake Paulsen lost his father and mentor Kaine Paulsen" Do you mean Kaine Paulsen died? If so, please state so explicitly, and maybe even give a bit of context as to how he died.
 * 149) **Enough? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 150) ***Yes, but you've changed the meaninng. Now you say that Drake was murdered. Which is correct? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:52, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 151) ****Name shift! Shifted again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:37, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 152) * How was Izzat "treacherous?"
 * 153) **OS doesn't specify, but rmvd. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:54, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 154) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:24, March 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 155) * In the intro you currently say that he moved to the Socorro system, and then became allied with Abdi-Badawzi, but this conflicts the chronology presented in the bio. Please check which is correct.
 * 156) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 157) * You have 3 conflicing statements. In the intro you say that the Empire was acting against the Kadri'Ra, and was trying to destroy the Kadri'Ra culture; in the bio you only say that they were responsible for the dwindling number of Kadri-Ra (you don't even imply whether the Empire is intending to be responsible for this or not); and in the P/T you say the Empire was specifically trying to wipe out the Kadri'Ra language.
 * 158) **Changed: Both intro and bio mention Empire against culture and after Arapia holocaust. P/T does not mention the later, because it is not relevant in that section, I think. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 159) ***"Discreting" isn't a word. Also, now you say that they promoted the holocaust of the Kadri'Ra, which changes the meaning of what you had previously stated. Before, you said that they were responsible for it, but nothing more was specified, now what you say implies that the Empire actually sponsored some other faction to eradicate the Kadri'Ra. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 160) ****"Discreting" typo fixed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 161) ****The Empire "sponsoring a holocaust" and "promoted the decimation"; used as synonyms as per Thesaurus. Empire is "responsible of several activities against the K'R", including sponsoring their holocaust and actively discrediting their culture. I think the current text is consistent in that. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 162) *****Yes they're synonyms, but that doesn't mean they can always be used interchangeably. To say that they "sponsored a holocaust" means that they supplied funds or otherwise endorsed the eradication of the Kadri'Ra, but did not actually directly eradicate the species themselves. To say that they "promoted the decimation" of the Kadri'Ra means that the Empire in some way&mdash;either by funds, propaganda, using their own military forces, or in any other possible way&mdash;advocated the destruction of the Kadri'Ra. And you've already said in response to an earlier objection that the source gives no more information on how the Empire opposed the Kadri'Ra, so to say specifically that they "sponsored it" would be OR. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:33, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 163) ******In my previous response I meant beyond that. OS p88: "[Kauldi] deeply grieves the holocaust sponsored by the Empire that is consuming his species", but nothing more. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:34, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 164) *******Then you were incorrect in response to my objection, which asked for any more information on their opposition of the Kadri'Ra: you said the OS gave no further information. Please be more careful in your responses in the future. Either way, I still don't see how this indicates that the Empire was specifically targeting the Kadri'Ra culture as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:32, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 165) ********References to "culture" removed; Empire only goes after language after "The language of the Kadri'Ra has been long forgotten as the 'indigent dialect of an intellectually inferior species' (at least according to the Imperials writing the textbooks).". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:40, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 166) * In the intro you call Saylor Marjan a "local criminal," but this is unspecified in the bio. Remember, there should be nothing in the intro that is not covered in the article body.
 * 167) **No longer applies. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 168) * Why does Marjan in particular receive mention in the intro? Is he really that important? In the bio, he seems no more important than Ancher or Oxsor.
 * 169) **Marjan removed from intro. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 170) * "but several other underworld factions did the same, including Abdi-Badawzi, Jabba Desilijic Tiure's criminal empire, and Black Sun." Here you name two factions and one being. Please try to be consistent. Was Abdi-Badawzi his own faction, by himself? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:07, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 171) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 172) Time to get this moving
 * 173) * Please try to make your paragraph size more uniformly larger. While this is purely aesthetic, having a ton of two- or three-sentence paragraphs throughout the article is not very appealing.
 * 174) **Have a look at the new distribution. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 175) * "and once those slaves had become his most powerful ally in sheer numbers": plurality isn't matching up here; please clarify.
 * 176) ** Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 177) * "Life in Socorro": this implies that he lived in the planet. Please clarify.
 * 178) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 179) * "Saadoon-Kauldi contacted with another local criminal group": this isn't an existing English idiom, and I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say. Do you mean that he made contact with another group?
 * 180) **Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 181) ***As a note for future reference, it's "made contact with", not "made contacted with." That simply doesn't work.  CC7567  (talk) 08:20, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 182) ****D'oh! Typo. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:32, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 183) *As a note (not an objection), "allied" is a transitive verb and therefore needs a direct object; saying that "he allied with" is not grammatically correct, while "he allied himself with" is. Please try to keep this in mind in the future.
 * 184) **Checked; apparently you got all the instances of this, ty. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 185) * "Understanding the burden of his people": how so? This doesn't quite seem to be the right word choice; if you're talking about the species' hardships, that might be better to use.
 * 186) **Better?
 * 187) * Can his Force-sensitivity be mentioned in the intro and body? Making it exclusive to the P&T isn't the right way to go here; it's relevant to the rest of the article too.
 * 188) **Mentioned. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 189) ***Please do so in the body somewhere as well. It's best to be consistent and not leave information like this in only certain parts of the article.  CC7567  (talk) 08:20, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 190) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:32, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 191) * Is it "crime lord" or "crimelord"? Please be consistent throughout the article.
 * 192) **The article is crime lord, but for some reason the category is Crimelords. Text changed to crime lords. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:29, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 193) *Fairly clean otherwise.  CC7567  (talk) 01:23, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Added GAnom template.-- RC 1138 Republic Emblem.svg hate bugs! 23:44, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

Lens Reekeene

 * Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Rebel General to be used as a NPC in a RPG Campaign, and part of my own mini-project. Currently 1200 words, probably I'll try for a FAN later.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Context on "Flankers"
 * 3) **Added; OS says little about that.
 * 4) * In the intro, you vaguely explained how he became a prison of the Empire, but in the bio, it's not even mentioned. "Sartran was disbanded by the Galactic Empire and the mercenaries employed by the company were imprisoned under false charges of conspiracy. While in prison," The jump from "being disbanded by the Empire" to being in prison is rough.
 * 5) **Better?
 * 6) * "While in prison, Lens met engineer Mikka Reekeene, also a former employee of Sartran. Lens and Mikka Reekeene got married in jail." This sounds like Mikka was also in prison for whatever reason. Was he an engineer in prison or a worker in that prison?
 * 7) **You are right. Better?
 * 8) * Try to add subsections within the bio. It will be more, concisely organized and well formatted.
 * 9) **Better?
 * 10) ***Much; also, is their any relevant quotes? If not, then it's fine.
 * 11) * If Lens was free in 11 BBY, how could she have joined the Rebellion? It wasn't established until 2 BBY.
 * 12) **Right. Typo in my notes, corrected: She was released in 3 BBY and soon after that (apparently some months), she joined the Rebellion.
 * 13) *More to come. Also, please watch your linking. I'll look through the article once more.  JangFett  (Talk) 19:32, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **More linking, and thank you for your review. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:01, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) The Grand Master
 * 16) * Seeing some grammar issues throughout the article. This is getting old.
 * 17) **Try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:34, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) ***Better, but still seeing several mistakes; a couple examples: "Circa 0 ABY, Reekeene also led the Roughnecks in "Operation Retribution," which simultaneously damaged assets of the Empire, while the Alliance suffered the minimum damage." "Also around this time, General Reekeene joined her husband, Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro onboard their mobile headquarters&hellip" (<--comma usage; this currently grammatically implies that Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro were Reekeene's husband.) Also, please see my note below on the linking; it applies here as well. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Might be better. I hope I could find every one. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *****You only fixed the one example I left on your talk page. Some wording issues remain. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ******General overwrite and complete copy-edit, even if those things rarely work. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) * Why is there a birth date given in the infobox but not in the intro and bio?
 * 23) **Added.
 * 24) * Why is there no dating of events in the intro?
 * 25) **Added.
 * 26) * "an Irregular group of Rebel soldiers." This makes it sound as if the soldiers themselves were irregular, i.e. they were strange beings. Please reword so that you actually say what an "Irregular" means in this case.
 * 27) **Changed.
 * 28) * Why is the quote given outside of any section? Currently, the section which you have the quote has no prose. Please move it.
 * 29) **Changed.
 * 30) * Does the OS say why Sartran was disbanded, or why the mercs were imprisoned under false charges?
 * 31) **Added.
 * 32) * "Later, Mikka Reekeene was released from jail, because of a management mistake." This grammatically says that it was a mistake for him to be released. Is that true?
 * 33) **Yes. Reworded.
 * 34) * "and her less political husband followed her." What exactly do you mean by "less political," and by "followed her" do you mean that he, too, joined the Alliance? This isn't very clear.
 * 35) **Changed.
 * 36) * 2nd paragraph of "origins" section needs to be reworded more to follow Lens' POV. The first couple sentences sound like the article's suddenly switched to one about Mikka.
 * 37) **Changed.
 * 38) * Page for the local moff? If there is none, please create and link.
 * 39) **Added.
 * 40) * Page for Green Squad's mission to Abonshee?
 * 41) **Stubbed.
 * 42) ***Quick question&mdash;was the mission successful, or is this known? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Added. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * "None of the other officers objected anything to her." This doesn't make snese.
 * 45) **Removed.
 * 46) * Linking mistakes throughout. Please make sure not only that everything is linked, but also that everything is linked cleanly and properly.
 * 47) **I think I've found what you mean. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:27, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 48) ***Still seeing some mistakes, inlcuding instances of underlinking. (Another hint for proper linking: refuelling is incorrect) Remember, when possible, please try to link things in the article if you can, as opposed to linking them in quotes; for instance, I'm sure you can work at least Alliance Intelligence and Godking into the article prose, even if you just pipelink. Also why do you have "limit of missions" linked to the page "23rd?" This makes absolutely no sense, especially sense you just got done saying that the limit of missions was 20. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ****Underlinking: Try.
 * 50) *****You have not added any links other than the ones that were in the quotes. This remains. Again&mdash;normally this would fall under "sofixit," but the fact of the matter is, this is a consistent problem with your noms; please take the time to correct it. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) ******Again. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 52) *******You've only fixed the two examples I left on your talk page. This remains. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) ********Two more: Commanding officer and Alliance recruitment agent. I can't see anything else missing. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 54) ****Intel & Godking: Included in the prose.
 * 55) ****23rd: Survivors of 20 missions facing mandatory retirement were only a 23% of the agents, thus the nickname; article created but no change here.
 * 56) * "Fortunately, the Empire was outwitted." POV.
 * 57) **Removed.
 * 58) * "to reach a meeting with the Alliance commanding officers of the sector." What sector? Is this still the Fakir sector?
 * 59) **Yes. Added.
 * 60) * "keep them nervous" Keep who nervous? Also, lots of the wording in the P/T sounds like it may have been taken almost verbatim from the source. I am unfamiliar with the material, but please check and make sure you don't use the same words as the source.
 * 61) **Changed.
 * 62) ***What do you mean by making the Empire "feel unsure about the Roughnecks?" Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:55, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) ****Sorry: Insecure, not unsure. Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 19:25, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) *****This still doesn't really make sense; how is she making the Empire "insecure?" Maybe something more along the lines of "she did her best to trouble/pester the Empire," or something of the sort? Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 19:35, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 65) ******Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) *******Grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ********Now? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:35, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) * "tell others only what they needed to know." What others?
 * 69) **Changed.
 * 70) * Please check the format of the BTS quote. The source seems to be misformatted.
 * 71) **Changed.
 * 72) * "along with another Campaign" What other campaign? At least pipelink it.
 * 73) **Detailed.
 * 74) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:16, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 75) **Most done; still looking for the grammar part. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:21, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) One more for now: In the intro you say "Lens Reekeene was a female Human born in 54 BBY.", although it's the same in the first sentence of the bio. Mind rewording it?  JangFett  (Talk) 19:36, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) *Better? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:44, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 78) The Grand Master II
 * 79) * Nothing in the intro that isn't also in the body, please.
 * 80) **Changed --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Very stiff, choppy prose throughout the article.
 * 82) **Modified. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 83) ***Better, but for the first paragraph of the intro and the first paragraph of the bio this remains. See my edits to the second paragraph of the bio for an example of how to fix this. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 84) ****Have a look. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) *****Much better, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 86) ******Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) * "The Reekeenes and Lazith'chika were the highest-ranking members of the Roughnecks. They briefed the squads and answered their questions. Once briefed for a mission, a member of the Roughnecks could not speak to anyone except the Reekeenes or Lazith'chika, as a security measure." This seems very randomly placed; it doesn't really follow or lead into the surrounding paragraphs.
 * 88) **Moved. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * In the "Operation Retribution" section, there are some inappropriate uses of "would be." Remember, this is a future-tense phrase, and should only be used when you are explaining the formation of a plan of what is going to happen (like you do here: "The Roughnecks would simultaneously raid several Imperial targets"), and even then you should follow it up with what did happen.
 * 90) **Changed. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:08, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) *I'll continue with my review once you address these. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:45, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 92) * "Once Retribution was over, Reekeene sent the Long Shot to the planet Iyuta. The Empire had a communication center there and Reekeene wanted a listening device on it. Reekeene had a contact on Iyuta, but the Empire had already found, killed and replaced this person, as a part of a plot to follow the Rebel agents to their headquarters. However, the Empire was outwitted." The content of this is rather ambiguous. It cuts off rather short, leaving the reader confused. How was the Empire outwitted? In what was the Empire outwitted? Did Lens ever get the listening device on the planet? Also, please specify better why it was a big deal that the Empire killed and replaced Lens' contact. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 93) **More detail added, but OS only gives an overview of the adventure; individual Gamemasters are supposed to develop, complete and detail the given outlines. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 94) ***That's fine, but please check your grammar. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:07, April 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ****Reworded. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:02, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 96) Attack of the Clone
 * 97) *Did she officially take "Reekeene" as her married name before being known simply as "Lens"? If so, that needs to be clarified in both the intro and body, because the article is currently leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation regarding the shift from Lens to Reekeene. Additionally, perhaps beginning the intro with "Lens Reekeene, originally named Lens before marrying" or something might help to clarify this issue.
 * 98) *"Once there, the Imperial asked for a rescue." A rescue from what/for whom?  CC7567  (talk) 20:35, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Orbital Security Station Six

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 02:46, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The conclusive, third part of Project Femi; so old I'd completely forgotten about it.

(3 ACs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie the truth  ) 08:30, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Large amount of factual errors brought to light by Trayus. I will have to re-review before I unstrike my vote. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:38, April 3, 2010 (UTC)


 * 1)  CC7567  (talk) 20:07, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) You could play closer attention to double linking, especially in short articles like this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:26, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:42, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Soresu
 * 2) * Make sure everything is past tense.
 * 3) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * In reality, this was just a ruse to allow the Sith fleet to directly attack Coruscant, where, rather than transmit proper clearance codes to the satellite, Orbital Security Station Six was destroyed before the fleet continued assaulting the planet. Reword that last section. Also, the assault didn't "continue" because it has not yet begun. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:15, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **How about now?. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:43, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Return of the Sith Empire
 * 7) * "Orbital Security Station Six was the first to encounter the mass of ships" - What do you mean by "mass of ships"? Please be more specific.
 * 8) **Fixed.
 * 9) * You need to be more explicit in the intro in regards to how the station was destroyed.
 * 10) **Done.
 * 11) * I would suggest creating and linking an Orbital Security Station article.
 * 12) **And include what? Just because its name has "six" in it doesn't mean its part of a series. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ***Orbital Security Stations have been referenced in other sources, meaning that it is either a model of station or a specific role. Either option would require that it be mentioned and linked to in your infobox and/or intro.
 * 14) ****I created it and did the latter, mentioning the existence of others in the description. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:23, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * I would remove the term "quite bulky" from the Description section. It's unencyclopedic and somewhat POV, given that there's no other ship close enough to it to give an accurate comparison of size and bulk.
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * "The dorsal side of the craft was adorned with two cylinders lined with blue and black viewports." - First, we don't know that that is the dorsal side, second, you shouldn't refer to the station as a "craft," and third, those are never confirmed to be viewports. Perhaps they are just lights, but regardless, we can't specify.
 * 18) **Changed to "surfaces" NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) **Whoops. I fixed the "dorsal" part. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:21, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) * "There was a way to easily transfer workers aboard the ship on and off-planet as their shifts changed." - pure speculation.
 * 21) **No. Femi says she was looking forward to going home after her shift, therefore there must be a way to get them back to Coruscant. I took out "easily."
 * 22) ***The easy was what I was referring to as speculation. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * In the history you say that Femi was nervous about seeing the Sith fleet and that their arrival was unexpected because they were supposed to be negotiating a peace on Alderaan. This is largely incorrect&mdash;Femi didn't know it was a Sith fleet, and we have no indication of her being nervous as a result of seeing it. She simply claims not to be expecting the vessel, whic could be for a variety of reasons.
 * 24) **Fixed.
 * 25) * The Great Galactic War had not been going on for a century.
 * 26) **Grr outdated information. Fixed.
 * 27) * Everything past the destruction of the station in the History section is fluff. You can give a brief summary (as in one sentence) of the result of the Sacking, but anything more is too much.
 * 28) **I made it two. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:10, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) * Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:09, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) **You still have a few issues here and there, I'll give it another review soon. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 19:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) Please cut out the extraneous context in the History after the orbital station's destruction. It has absolutely no relevance to the station itself. I can accept that a mention of the Sacking of Coruscant is notable, but I just cannot see how the following events and the Cold War is relevant.  CC7567  (talk) 21:33, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 32) *Too each his own. Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:25, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Unidentified Aqualish (North Apartments)

 * Nominated by: SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My 8th and 9th GA noms. Hopefully with few errors.

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:55, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Yay for KOTOR NPCs  NAYAYEN : TALK 12:43, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 21:09, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Of course, Soresu owns as far as these articles are concerned&hellip;--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:17, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * Unidentfied should be never used in articles.
 * 3) **Oops. Fixed. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Can a article be created for the Sith base ?
 * 5) **They just call it "the base". By that, I assume they mean the Tarisian military base, but since it's not outright stated, it's a vague term. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *That's all from me. I corrected some underlinking, otherwise good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:57, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thanks for the review. BTW, I know I shouldn't be talking since I missed the link myself, but the correct link to credits is Galactic Credit Standard. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:25, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) The Duchess's judgement
 * 9) * In the into, where you say "He hated the Darth Malak's Sith Empire", wouldn't it look better, and be more correct, grammer wise, to say "He hated Darth Malak's Sith Empire"? Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 02:01, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **My mistake. Fixed. Thanks for the review. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:32, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Just one little thing, I'd like to see it mentioned that he told Revan to take the armor in the intro.  Nayayen &mdash; TALK  13:24, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) *Fixed it up. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 12:02, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks to Kasra and Tommy for help with sources. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 08:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Thirsty Bantha

 * Nominated by: Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Eh. --Imperialles 07:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)
Support Object Comments
 * 1) After a short IRC review. -- 1358  (Talk) 08:08, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) We should consider creating WookieeProject: Drinking establishments. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:33, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Good read.  JangFett  (Talk) 18:24, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Duchess looks it over
 * 2) * When you say in the into, "lest something bad happen to Thirsty Bantha", what do you mean by that? What bad thing precisely was going to happen? Also, the entire article isn't sourced at all. In the "History" section, 4th paragragh, you say that "who demanded to be served mass amounts of drinks", did you mean "massive amounts of drinks"? Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 23:27, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **The article only has one source, so does not need to be sourced. --Eyrezer 02:25, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Per Eyrezer. The game does not specify what bad thing would happen. The usage of mass is perfectly acceptable. --Imperialles 06:59, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Ah, I didn't know about that particular sourcing rule. Other than that, great job. Duchess Jade  Republic Emblem.svg (Completely Coruscanti) 18:13, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Farlstendoiro in the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantiiiina
 * 7) * "A fifteen day deadline" or "a fifteen-day deadline"?
 * 8) * Underlinking: Credits, Gamorrean, maybe "helper droid" if it is some kind of specific technology.
 * 9) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:54, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **Fifteen-day indeed. Credits is linked to once in the intro, once in the body. Linked to Gamorrean. Helper droid is not a specific technology. --Imperialles 08:04, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) Cylka:
 * 12) *fifteen-day deadline to cough up the money - Cough up is a bit colloquial.
 * 13) *Luckily for Robb - Luckily is a bit POV. If he was the one who thought himself lucky, then add that in.
 * 14) *In the Description section, you introduce Nia Adea and the reader isn't sure who she is. It might be better to avoid mentioning her in that section.
 * 15) *Unfortunately for Robb - Same thing, unfortunately is a bit POV.
 * 16) *I think that a little context for Wunda should be included. I'm assuming that he was the local crimelord, since the Hutts usually were. If I'm correct, that would be good to include, just to show that he was important.
 * 17) *After spending the entire day in the cantina, he left without paying. - This sentence regarding Wunda doesn't seem to connect the first part of the paragraph to the rest of the paragraph. Would it be possible to connect it to the next sentence by saying something like, Wunda's drinking binge didn't hurt the Thirsty Bantha's finances or something?
 * 18) *In the intro you mention that the Thirsty Bantha operated around the time of the Galactic Empire, that it was named after the bantha, and that Adea was Human, but not in the main body.
 * 19) *Interesting little cantina you picked to write about. Cylka  -talk- 21:29, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) **I believe I have addressed your objections. Have a look. --Imperialles 21:42, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

Drophan

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:22, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A Massassi warrior from Crosscurrent

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1)  JangFett  (Talk) 03:40, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:24, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Graestan ( Talk ) 15:39, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Elephant!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  23:58, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) --Eyrezer 21:06, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:03, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Lee attacks
 * 2) * He was confronted by Drophan, who interrogated Druur and began to report the intruder. Druur then attacked Drophan, decapitating him with his lightsaber before the Massassi could report him. Could you replace the second report with a synonym. Also could you reword the last sentence so that it is from Drophan's POV ?
 * 3) **I don't see why the second report should be changed; it's in a separate sentence. And the last sentence is from Drophan's POV. There's no issue here. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:20, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) * Drophan first appeared briefly as a minor character in Paul S. Kemp's debut Star Wars novel, Crosscurrent, released January 26, 2010. Word missing ?
 * 5) **This sentence is grammatically correct, Lee. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:20, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *Nice work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:18, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) Eyrezer: to be honest, I feel the second paragraph in the P&T adds nothing to the article. It mostly repeats what is already in the Biography. Removing won't compromise the GAN word count threshold either. Can you remove it or substantially reduce it to remove the redundancy? --Eyrezer 08:53, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *I don't see any problem with the paragraph; it talks about Drophan's personality, and provides situational occurances. Leaving it out or even just reducing it would be removing important information about his personality. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 18:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **"Drophan was suspicious of Relin Druur after finding the Jedi, and when Druur attempted to cover for his situation by claiming that he had come from the landing bay, Drophan asked who his superior was." vs "the Massassi, suspicious of the Jedi Master's flexsuit—a type of environmental suit—inquired as to who his superior was."
 * 10) **"When Druur did not provide an answer, Drophan began to report the intruder.'" vs "When Druur gave no answer, Drophan pushed him up against the wall and began to report the interloper's presence via comlink"
 * 11) **"However, Druur was able to distract the Massassi by claiming that his superior was Memit Nadill." vs "but Druur cut him off by claiming that his superior was Memit Nadill."
 * 12) **"Drophan was slightly taken aback and revealed that he did not know the name." vs "Drophan was unfamiliar with the name,"
 * 13) **"When Druur replied that Nadill was a Jedi Master, Drophan was too surprised and incredulous to react right away. However, he soon registered the significance of what Druur had said and attacked the Jedi." vs "Druur informed him that Nadill was a Jedi Master on the planet Kirrek. [...] Finally realizing the threat that Druur presented, Drophan moved to attack,"
 * 14) ***This whole paragraph is just a rewording of part of the biography, and placing it in the P&T. It's not his personality, it's just a summary of the actions he took. --Eyrezer 06:36, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) ****The point is that his actions define his personality. He was suspicious of Druur, but was prone to distraction and was taken aback by Druur's response. And then he was slow to react because he couldn't register Druur's reply quick enough. Anyway, I've reduced it some. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 12:59, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) *****That is a good improvement. I still generally feel the same way, but that is more a problem with our approach to P&T and not your article in particular. Good work Jon, and thanks for the patience. --Eyrezer 21:06, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ******Thanks, and thanks for the review. :) Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:08, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) In the intro, you say that the ore was for use during the Galactic Hyperspace War, while in the body you say that it was preparation for the Sith invasion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:14, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) *Good catch; adjusted. Thanks for the review! Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 00:26, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Comments


 * Per Llerd, Omen and Harbinger should not have a "the" in front of them, so I removed it for each instance. Feel free to check the book or revert me if I'm wrong.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:14, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Unidentified Jedi (Endar Spire)

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:25, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: 331 words.

(0 ACs/5 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Identified vote (Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:59, April 21, 2010 (UTC))
 * 2) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:33, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) As if this needed another normal user vote.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:18, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Ruthless Xero 05:12, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Unidentified Farlstendoiro (GAN page)
 * 2) * You can mention what caused the explosion of the wall - even if it is simply "the battle" or "a blast from an enemy ship" or anything.
 * 3) **Added.
 * 4) *GANom tag added. Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:37, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **Thank you. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 13:56, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) Lee attacks
 * 7) * You give context on Revan and Ulgo twice. Remove one of it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:51, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) **Done. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) Soresu remembers creating this article last year
 * 10) * Do we actually know that the duel was short? IIRC, they are already fighting by the time you open that door.
 * 11) **Crap, I thought I got that. Removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:07, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) ***During the battle, she engaged a Sith aboard the vessel. She killed him during a lightsaber duel that followed though the wall section behind her exploded moments later, killing her. Chronologically, by the time you start that second sentence, the duel has already begun; there is no need for during a lightsaber duel that followed. The fact that it involved lightsabers could be moved into the previous sentence.
 * 13) ****Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) * Though she was victorious, eliminating the Sith, she was killed before Trask Ulgo and Revan, two crewmembers who had just entered the hallway, could speak with her. Moments after killing the Sith, the Spire took damage from the ongoing battle and the the wall she stood beside exploded. As Lee caught, Trask and Ulgo already have context. Also, you state the events of her death twice for some reason. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 01:01, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **I got rid of the first context, it doesn't really have to do with her. As for the latter part, I did that because the sentence would run-on otherwise. The first sentence says she died, the second says how. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 03:07, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) ***This stands, again due to chronology. If you're going to state her death and the reason for it, please do it in one sentence. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 04:33, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) ****Alright. Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:12, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) *****Now the sentence is too long. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 22:42, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ******How about now? If it's still too long, the Revan/Ulgo mention doesn't neccisarily /have/ to be there. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:37, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) *******I tried my best to make it work. It isn't perfect, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it for some reason. Of course, you can edit it to fit your personal style. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 02:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Just one issue, which caused me to strike my support of the article. The fact that Bandon was Malak's Shadow Hand should be sourced to the Knights of the Old Republic Campaign Guide.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC}
 * 22) *Good catch, Kasra. Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 16:33, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) **Very good work.

Comments

Fnnbu

 * Nominated by:  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:59, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Yup.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) He looks suspiciously similar to once unused concept art for the Rancor. Oh, well, one of these days we'll mention it when nominating the Zexx. Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:53, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:41, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) —Tommy  9281 21:07, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) A Christian 00:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 20:30, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Farl has been waiting for this one
 * 2) * Intro: "However" used twice in a row in the intro. The first time I don't understand why it's used: The pirates reach Ambria and Thon refuses to fight them, what's the "however" there?
 * 3) **Changed the first one.
 * 4) * Bio: Was Fnnbu a member of Stonebone's crew? You say so but, if so, shouldn't you mention any implication Fnnbu might have had in the ambush to Grunta's ore hauler? At least, you should mention that, chronologically, Fnnbu and the rest of Steonbone's crew raided the hauler, were captured by Bogga, were blackmailed to go to Ambria, and then went to Ambria.
 * 5) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:30, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) **Yes he was, but I refrained from mentioning if he took part in the raid on the ore hauler. It is never stated that he was there, and he is never seen while the raid happens. I didn't want to assume anything.
 * 7) Lee attacks
 * 8) * Stonebone's gang has a link. Please link it in the infobox and in the article.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * Jedi apprentice Nomi Sunrider used an exotic Force power called battle meditation. I'm not quite sure if "exotic" is POV.
 * 11) **If you're not quite sure, then why are you objecting? Do you think its POV or not?
 * 12) ***Sorry I worded it badly. Replacing exotic with rare should do it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 09:38, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) ****I just removed the adjective totally.
 * 14) *Good work.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 14:26, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) Few things
 * 16) * Can you say who the quote in the Biography section is to? Otherwise the reader has to wait until the end of the article to find out that "cap'n" refers to Stonebone.
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * Also, should the first quote link to Bogga and to enforcers? I'm not sure if this is a valid objection or not if the specific individual isn't known.
 * 19) **I usually don't link to people in quotes, and the guy who said it is linked later in the article (its the guy who finds the crystals).
 * 20) ***Okay. I didn't know that was just a preference thing.
 * 21) * The ensemble was sent by Bogga to retrieve a lost shipment of Adegan crystals from Bogga's sworn enemy, Jedi Master Thon, in exchange for Bogga granting freedom to Stonebone's crew, who had been captured after a failed raid on an Ithullian ore hauler. So were the pirates basically blackmailed by Bogga? I feel this could use it's own sentence to clarify and explain that they weren't there on their own will. Plus, the way it is worded now it sounds like the whole ensemble of pirates and enforcers were going in exchange for their freedom, while I think it's just supposed to be the pirates.
 * 22) **I think its pretty clear that Stonebone's crew is the one getting freedom, not the enforcers as well. And they weren't really blackmailed, Bogga offered them freedom in exchange for a task and Stonebone accepted.
 * 23) *A Christian 18:19, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 24) The Grand Master
 * 25) *Is a link available for their failed raid? If not, is there enough info on it to create a stub?
 * 26) *Tense shifting in the BTS.
 * 27) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:00, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Sander Delvardus

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:00, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: The best of the Darksaber warlords.

(2 ACs/3 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Nice. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 04:44, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) -- 1358  (Talk) 05:06, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:12, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) After all, maybe Sovv was alone but he bluffed and Delvardus ordered his fleet to retreat. Nah!--Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:40, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  CC7567  (talk) 20:38, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "He was very confident in himself, and despite being outmanned and outgunned by the New Republic, believed that he would be able to defeat the New Republic." Maybe reword one of those New Republics. --Imperialles 22:16, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Floyd:
 * 3) * Context on the Eriadu Authority in the intro.
 * 4) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * Intro: Add a little context on Palpatine's rebirth, and add it again later in the body.
 * 6) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * Context on Sien Sovv.
 * 8) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * Is there a link on the desert world Delvardus used after Palpatine's final death? If so, link it, if not create it.
 * 10) **Created.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 15:11, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) *That's all. Not bad.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:39, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) Farlstendoiro
 * 13) * No possible opening quote for the Biography?
 * 14) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) * "He was able to claim the Rimma Trade Route from Eriadu to Yag'Dhul, although it was not long before he lost the approval of the ruling families on Eriadu, as Delvardus sought to invade the Core, whereas the families were merely content for him to defend the Eriadu system." This sentence is quite long and offers four important sub-sentences. I suggest you to reorder the sub-sentences and divide the sentence in two or three.
 * 16) **Changed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) * Context on the battle of Sullust. Simply Sovv's affiliation would be enough but, reading it, I thought Sovv single-handed defeated Delvardus in a Starkiller-like way.
 * 18) **I'd like to add "being defeated by Sullustan forces led by Sien Sovv," but EA doesn't specify that. It's highly unlikely that Sovv defeated him in a one-on-one battle, but the source doesn't confirm that it involved anyone other than Sovv and Delvardus. It also gives no context on Sovv other than his species (his affiliation and rank are unspecified, I believe).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) ***The map on page 196 shows it to be an NR battle and Delvardus' entry calls it an NR world. There's also mention of Sullustan forces going after him. - Lord Hydronium 10:17, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 20) ****After consideration, added a few words about the New Republic defending the planet.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:31, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) * Context on Operation Shadow Hand
 * 22) **Added.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:32, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) * Five sources are not referenced in footnotes. Confirm that you checked all of them only to find no new information
 * 24) **Checked at nomination, and there's nothing new.
 * 25) *Next: Yzu! Right?Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:28, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Jeseej

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:05, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Done on a whim.

(3 ACs/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 20:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:31, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 20:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:32, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Perhaps a stub for his Toydarian host? Otherwise, nice work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 22:57, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *There's so little info given on this character; IIRC, sex is unspecified, and it's not even clear if the host is always the same Toydarian.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Farlstendoiro and the tentacled table-like tradesbeing
 * 4) * Please correct the redlink, as there's an article on ID card.
 * 5) **Handled; hope you don't mind, Chack. -- 1358  (Talk) 15:21, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Thanks.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * When you say he predicts "his clients' futures", do you mean that a single client might have several futures and Jeseej tells him about all his futures? It is anyway ambiguous; I'd suggest you to change it to say that each client (singular) knows his or her future/s.
 * 8) **I've changed it a bit to reflect the source and avoid confusion.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * Underlinking: At the very least, official.
 * 10) **Official is not an article. Is there anything else missing a link?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) * "had skill in both machines and organic biology". What does this mean? Please, reword.
 * 12) **Tried to reword a bit. The source presents no details beyond what I've included, so keep that mind.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) *I've just seen this link as a source for the Sljee, please check it:
 * 14) *Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:19, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Nothing new, but it's been added to sources.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:35, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) Toprawa:
 * 17) * Does the source literally call him a "forgerer?" Because that's not a word. The word is "forger."
 * 18) * Please at least leave a redlink for this individual: "a client had to give the correct password to Jessej's Toydarian host"
 * 19) * Kindly also fill in the redlink for fortune teller, as its in the intro. There are other instances of fortune-telling throughout canon, so this is a good topic to make an article for.
 * 20) * I see a good deal of information from the Wizards article not mentioned within this article. Specifically:
 * 21) ** Jeseej is easily mistaken for a bizarre animal or some form of motile plant.
 * 22) ** moving on a set of squat, stumpy legs
 * 23) ** The fact that he has owned the restaurant for years.
 * 24) ** The restaurant is a Toydarian restaurant and lounge.
 * 25) ** His employees include a dozen Toydarian restaurant workers
 * 26) ** Even though the article explains his clients find his premonitions to be trustworthy, the Wizards article explains that his clients found Jeseej to have an uncanny prescience concerning future events. I feel this has a little more specific meaning than simply "trustworthy," and I'd like to see this worked into the article someplace, preferably the P/T.
 * 27) * Your BTS is also partially incorrect, as far as I can see. The Wizards article was published on January 2, 2003, and Coruscant and the Core Worlds was published/released on January 3, 2003. It may be true that he was created for that sourcebook, but you should also mention that he apparently first appeared with biographical information in canon in this Wizards article.
 * 28) * The chronological order of the Source list should also reflect this dating.
 * 29) * Also, not an objection, but as you will see I have made some minor wording tweaks to reflect the descriptions of the Wizards article. You may need to check all of the information is still correctly sourced. My apologies if this causes any difficulty. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:43, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Wow, I can't believe I missed some of the stuff I did. Thanks for catching it, guys.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:20, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

CT-9/85

 * Nominated by:  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:53, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Short one, a clone from The Cestus Deception

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  NAYAYEN : TALK 12:51, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  JangFett  (Talk) 18:52, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * You mention Kenobi and Fisto's mission, but you never clarify on what the mission was about. Sentences like these: "Fisto and Kenobi were ultimately able to end their mission successfully." "in order to support a mission carried out by Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi on the planet's surface" Can get confusing.
 * 3) **That would be too much context. This guy just appears very briefly at one page and I don't think that this context should be in there.
 * 4) ***Regardless; a brief mention on what the mission was about would clarify the problem.
 * 5) ****Added it in the bio, but not in the intro. OK ?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:41, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) *****If you mentioned that information bit in the bio, why wouldn't you mention it in the intro?
 * 7) ******OK, added.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:30, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) *Lee, please try to give your articles a copy-edit on your own. While it's fine to ask others to give it a look over, you should at least try, as it is your own article that you have written.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:54, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **I'll try to do this in the future, but normally I do it. Thanks for your review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 17:39, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) The Grand Master
 * 11) *"After a clone trooper training session on Vandor-3, the Nexu was sent to Ord Cestus in order to support a mission of stopping the production of JK-13 security droids involving Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi." This sentence is worded poorly; whose mission this actually is, and exactly what they're doing is ambiguous. Do you mean Kenobi and Fisto were involved with the production of the droids?
 * 12) *"received a transmission from the planet from a clone who had accompanied Fisto and Kenobi" This is confusing, as you imply earlier that CT-9/85 had joined the Jedi. Please specify that this was one of the original clones to accompany the Jedi, and that CT-9/85 was in orbit (this will be easier once the above sentence is fixed).
 * 13) *No quotes? From what you say in the article, it sounds like CT-9/85 has some spoken lines. And perhaps could you also use Nate's order to CT-9/85 for orbital bombardment as a quote? Or maybe the Mon Calamari asking for the message?
 * 14) *"Shortly afterward, the Nexu was dispatched to the Outer Rim world Ord Cestus in order to support a mission of stopping the production of JK-13 security droids carried out by Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi on the planet's surface." Same thing as for the first sentence I mentioned in the intro.
 * 15) *"on priority sequence and informed Admiral Baraka." Informed him of what?
 * 16) *"The Mon Calamari went to CT-9/85 and asked for the message that was contained in the signal." This is confusing: why did the Mon Calamari have to go anywhere to talk to CT-9/85 (i.e. was he elsewhere on the ship)? If so, please clarify that this was so. And do you actually mean he asked for the message? Or did he ask for CT-9/85 to play the message, or maybe to decode it, or to transmit it, or something else?
 * 17) *"should change coordinates for an orbital bombardment" Why would they have to change coordinates? Were they already going to bombard somewhere else?
 * 18) *"able to end their mission successfully." Was it not also CT-9/85 and the other clones' mission as well?
 * 19) *How do you know he was obedient? Again, just because he obeyed one order once doesn't mean that he was notably obedient. Also, does the source actually say that he was particularly skilled at his job?
 * 20) *Also, could the inro be shortened just a bit? It's a bit too long as is.
 * 21) * Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 21:27, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Vess Kogo

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 19:18, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: One of the few minor non-Galaxies/non-Traviss Emperor's Hands out there.

(3 ACs/0 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 16:54, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:26, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 20:58, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * " After his mother was injured during a Rebel protest against Imperial taxes on the planet Hanofar, Kogo developed a burning hatred for the Rebellion," What do you mean by this? Why would he develop a hatred of the Rebellion? Was his mother an Imperial and was injured trying to suppress it? Clarify.
 * 3) **Added that she was a bystander, and clarified it slightly in the Bio. No other information on the incident is known.
 * 4) * "Kogo often carried out missions requiring little subtlety but a substantial amount of destruction" Such as...?
 * 5) * "one Rebel group conducted a protest that soon went out of control. " How so?
 * 6) *"This obsession never caused him to fail the Emperor in his assigned duties, but at one point he came close to doing so." When was this? Any information at all?
 * 7) * "Sometime shortly after the Battle of Yavin, Kogo came into conflict with a group of individuals affiliated with the Rebel Alliance." And? Did they try to recruit him?
 * 8) * "Palpatine never used Kogo for subtle missions," Why not?
 * 9) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 21:47, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) **To the rest of your objections, the source is not clear on any of those things. I've presented all of the information given by the source in most complete fashion possible, without stepping into speculation territory. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 22:03, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Nal Kenuun

 * Nominated by: ToRsO bOy 01:48, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Nal Kenuun is a nasty Muun.

(2 ACs/0 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Watch your verb tense, please, though.  CC7567  (talk) 21:10, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:25, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Tumble bunny trainer

 * Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 15:46, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hmm.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Wicket has bad taste. ~ SavageBob 01:57, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:24, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) I love you too, TBT.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 01:18, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4)  CC7567  (talk) 01:25, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  JangFett  (Talk) 19:44, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Floyd thinks this should be fun:
 * 2) * I think it merits a mention in the intro that Bright Tree Village was on Endor.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Context on Bright Tree Fete in the intro, and again in the body.
 * 5) **I'm not sure what actual context I can give without saying "It was a fete." I think it's kinda self-explanatory.
 * 6) * Context on Wicket in the intro.
 * 7) **Done.
 * 8) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 17:02, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thank you for experiencing TBT. Thefourdotelipsis 00:13, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 10) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 11) * FIrst of all, how could I not comment on this nom? :) Just two things: First, can you include the original airdate for the episode and which season of Ewoks it was part of? This information should be in the Insider article you cite.
 * 12) **I think I've got that now.
 * 13) * Second of all, Leland Chee has stated that the Ewoks cartoons take place in 3 ABY (see here). Rather than the vague "in the Imperial era", you should update accordingly. Nice work. ~ SavageBob 22:19, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) **Got that too. Hope it's satisfactory. Welcome to the cleansing and somehow overwhelming experience that is TBT. Thefourdotelipsis 01:06, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) Please remove the usage of "unidentified" from the prose, as it is OOU. Other than that, fine work.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 16:18, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) *Done. TBT loves you. Thefourdotelipsis 00:18, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * You might include a short paragraph presenting the evidence that the TBT was likely not native to Endor (as I do in, say, Lucksprite). But I'd say it's optional. ~ SavageBob 22:19, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Good idea, but that might be more suited to the article about TBT's species, I think. Thefourdotelipsis 01:08, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Duel on Coruscant (Inter–Sith Wars Period)

 * Nominated by: Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 00:20, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Haven't GANed in a bit.

(4 ACs/3 Users/7 Total)
Support Object
 * 1) Go.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:50, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Well done, as usual.  Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 13:46, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 21:22, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) This duel was nice.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:35, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:58, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) I hate it when new storylines start kriffing up preestablished facts. —Tommy  9281 15:11, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7)  JangFett  (Talk) 15:30, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) I left a note for you on the article's talkpage while you were still working on it regarding the conflicting stories about Sadow's spiritual death. —Tommy  9281 00:41, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Sorry for overlooking that. It's been noted, and thank you for the information. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 01:33, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) **I'm striking, but I'd recommend sourcing the two statements. —Tommy 9281 15:11, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) The Grand Master
 * 5) * "After living on Yavin IV for several years&hellip;" Speculation. Firstly, the source doesn't specify that he was on Yavin IV the entire time he was missing; perhaps he spent some of those years he was gone making his way back to Coruscant. Also, this makes it sound like he intended to live there, which is also incorrect.
 * 6) * You currently link Gynt's possession to transfer essence, which is also speculation. The source does not say how Sadow possessed Gynt; it could have been through some other type of sorcery.
 * 7) *As a note, make sure to double-check your linking in the future; there were some instances of underlinking which I took care of during my copy-edit. Other than that, nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 12:56, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * 8) **Both objections have been taken care of, and my apologies for the third. I did this one surprisingly quickly but I still of course made mistakes. I'll keep that in mind for future articles. Thanks for the review! Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 05:51, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * I don't find this objection-worthy, but I'd like to point out that there are two 1stm tags in the Sources list. Please try to fix whichever one is incorrect.  CC7567  (talk) 21:22, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * The two sources are released simultaneously, and I've spoken to Tope about this. He suggested placing the template on both, so that's what I've done here and all other similar articles. I'm planning on possibly either moving all Timeline entries to the appearances section however, so if/when that is done, this will be taken care of. Darth Trayus ( Trayus Academy ) 21:43, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Ah, okay, I see. That's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 21:45, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Eddel

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 13:00, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Classic WEG goodness

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) ~ SavageBob 19:29, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Imperialles 22:45, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 01:32, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Three things:
 * 2) *Intro: "Having been prominent traders throughout the Trax sector under the Galactic Republic, they were decimated in a war against its successor, the Galactic Empire, and as a result, their number was reduced to a few thousand sentients, which were forced into slavery." A lot of commas here. Any way you can reword the sentence?
 * 3) *History: "a pleasant planet" Pleasant for who? This seems a little POV.
 * 4) *Eddel/Eddelians: If the singular form is Eddel, shouldn't that be used as the species' ethnonym instead of "Eddelian"? Examples from the article: "Eddelian starships, carrying Eddelian traders"; "Most Eddelian technology".
 * 5) *Other than that, good stuff. --Imperialles 19:38, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) **Changed the first two and discussed the third over IRC. --Eyrezer 22:39, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lock (Eeth Koth)

 * Nominated by:  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 10:25, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A clone each day keeps the doctor away. One TCW GAN should be on this page

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good work, Lee. -- 1358  (Talk) 15:03, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Airdate for Grievous Intrigue? --  1358  (Talk) 10:59, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) *Added.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:04, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) *Just to let you know, this is not a valid objection. It is completely up to the writer whether or not to put things like the airdates or release dates of sources in articles. The only time the realease/airdate would be needed is for articles about the source itself. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 14:47, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Mikoan

 * Nominated by: --Eyrezer 11:19, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object

Comments

X1's Executor-class Star Dreadnought

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 21:10, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Another SSD.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1) QGJ
 * 2) *You may want to add in the "Commanders and crew" that there were a number of stormtroopers stationed aboard the ship, in addition to several autoturrets.
 * 3) *There was also an alarm system that reacted to blaster fire. It activated force fields and blocked all elevators until the situation on the level was resolved.
 * 4) *That's all. Good job. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 09:50, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) **All done. Thanks for the review. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:02, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments