Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmish aboard the Coronet


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Skirmish aboard the Coronet

 * Nominated by: Axinal
 * Nomination comments: My first attempt to seriously improve an article to GA standards. I'll appreciate any help I can get.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support

Object
 * 1)  Kryze Xd
 * 2) *This is what I saw when checking it quickly:
 * 3) * Combine intro into one/two paragraphs.
 * 4) **Finished with that, thanks. Axinal 23:01, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) * Too many subsections within the body.
 * 6) **Reduced from three to two. Do you think it should be just one?Axinal 21:00, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) * Always refer to people using their last names after the first mention.
 * 8) **Fixed that, though I still use "the Duchess" in some places, and "Satine's guard" is used instead of "Kryze's guard," since the respective article is Satine's guard.Axinal 21:00, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) * Severe underlinking.
 * 10) **Fixed as much as I could find, but I'll keep looking. Thanks for your help.Axinal 21:00, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) *More to come. Xd  13:42, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) Karika
 * 13) * Date in infobox needs to be sourced. Fine with me, if anyone could check TCW novel, thanks.
 * 14) **I'm having trouble with that. Aside from a definitive CW timeline as yet to be released, good Clone Wars articles like Battle of Nexus Ortai aren't sourced at all. Any pointers? Thanks.Axinal 21:00, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) **Another user sourced the date with The Clone Wars (novel). I haven't read it, so I'm not sure if it can be used as a source in this case. Axinal 23:01, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) * Like Xd said, underlinking. Lightsaber, blaster, and blaster pistol are a few.  Darth Karika Please leave a message after the beep. *boom* 13:46, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) **Read the article over and improved most of the linking. I'll keep looking. Thanks. Axinal 23:01, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) Fett's preliminaries
 * 19) * Missing Ref tags in the infobox.
 * 20) **Everything in the infobox is sourced now. Is there still something missing? Axinal 19:45, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Not to butt in, but the ref tags are still missing. Xd  14:44, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 22) ****Not at all. I guess I'm not really sure what a ref tag is. Can you give me an example? Thanks. Axinal 16:22, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 23) ****Ref tags have now been addressed, though I'm not sure I quite see what the difference is. Thanks for your help!
 * 24) * The entire infobox must be properly sourced. Please take a look at other past TCW GAs to help you. Currently, the "c. 22 BBY" needs to be properly sourced. The episode or its guide aren't valid sources for this.
 * 25) **As I mentioned above, some good CW articles aren't sourced at all. Is there a reason for this, and do you know where I can find a proper source for the date? Thanks.Axinal 21:00, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 26) **Date was sourced with The Clone Wars (novel) by another user. Axinal 23:01, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 27) ***What do you mean, some good CW articles aren't sourced? Could you please point them out to me? Some articles aren't sourced, but that's just because they're not GAs/FAs, which have to be sourced.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 17:02, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 28) ****I'm not sure if "sourced" was the right word. Battle of Nexus Ortai has no references in the infobox, which I think is what JangFett meant when he said that "c. 22 BBY" needed to be properly sourced. Axinal 17:35, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 29) *****That article doesn't need sourcing because it's self-sourcing. If a subject (i.e, Battle of Nexus Ortai) doesn't appear more than once, it could self-source. However, any subject that's from the TCW television series, the film, or any related video game it has to be properly sourced because it appeared in more than one source. (i.e, information could be in the episode's Online Episode Guide, the video game's prima guide, TCW visual guides). For this battle GAN, you need to double check the episode guide and episode and make sure every detail is added in the article. That said, make sure "c. 22 BBY" is sourced to the TCW novel.  JangFett  (Talk) 18:25, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 30) ******You can generally use "sourcing" and "referencing" interchangeably. :P  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:02, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 31) *******Ah. Thanks. :)
 * 32) ********Yes, thank you, Chack. :P  JangFett  (Talk) 23:33, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 33) * The intro needs to be merged into one paragraph, as it doesn't need to have three small separate ones. And you must include "around 22 BBY".
 * 34) **Finished there. Axinal 23:01, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 35) ***Missing something about the "Clone Wars".
 * 36) ****What do you mean by that? Do I need to specify that the skirmish took place during the Clone Wars? Axinal 19:20, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 37) ****The Prelude now mentions that the skirmish took place during the Clone Wars around 22 BBY. Axinal 00:37, February 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * 38) * "As the Clone Wars escalated" is not a proper intro starter. We don't know when this battle took place on the timeline.
 * 39) **Fixed Axinal 23:01, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 40) * You don't need to have subsections within the prelude. Also, you're missing quotes for the prelude and each subsection of the bio.
 * 41) **Thanks, I'll get rid of the subsection. Do I need quotes for every subsection? The nomination rules says at least one quote is necessary, but doesn't require more than one. I'll keep working on that, though.Axinal 21:00, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 42) ***Added quotes to the two subsections under The Skirmish.Axinal 22:46, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 43) ****Added quote to the Prelude. Axinal 01:37, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 44) * Your BtS needs work too. Please take a look of some of the passed TCW GAs to help you. It's missing the original airdate, and I would remove that bit of trivial information as well.
 * 45) **I'll work on that, thanks. Axinal 23:01, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 46) *More to come.  JangFett  (Talk) 18:29, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 47) * Few more for now: Your prelude needs to be entirely fixed. Right now, it reads like a short summary of "The Mandalore Plot," which isn't how a prelude works. You need to describe what happened directly before this skirmish began.
 * 48) **I rewrote the Prelude, but I'm not sure how much can be done there, considering that the events of TMP lead directly into the skirmish. Axinal 19:45, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 49) ***"considering that the events of TMP lead directly into the skirmish." That's exactly what should be in a prelude.
 * 50) ****Prelude has been addressed. Axinal 05:44, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
 * 51) * "During the trip, the Duchess's ship was attacked by the rogue group Death Watch, aided by the Confederacy." Please be careful when you're talking about an organization. It's "the Death Watch" not "Death Watch". Also why are they "rogue"? Quite confusing. I suggest removing that bit from the sentence.
 * 52) **Fixed. Axinal 19:20, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 53) * "As clone troopers searched the ship for suspicious activity," What suspicious activity?
 * 54) **Fixed. Axinal 19:20, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 55) * " Using one of the probe killers, Kenobi revealed the traitor to be Senator Tal Merrik, who was in league with Death Watch" What did he do to reveal the senator was the traitor? Also, again, what do you think is wrong with this sentence?
 * 56) **Fixed. Axinal 19:20, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 57) ***"Using one of the probe killers, Kenobi revealed the traitor to be Senator Tal Merrik, the only one that the probe did not try to attack." Okay, but now it reads awkwardly.
 * 58) ****Addressed that. It's now more specific than I had intended, but it reads much better. Axinal 16:38, February 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 59) * "The Senator called for the aid of Pre Vizsla," Called?
 * 60) **Fixed. Specified to show that he contacted Vizsla via hologram. Axinal 19:20, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 61) * "In the battle that followed, the battle droids were defeated, and Merrik was killed by Skywalker." What battle? I'm confused here. There should be no separate battle other than the skirmish. Be careful here, as this will greatly confuse your readers
 * 62) **Fixed. Axinal 19:20, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 63) *Another review on the way.  JangFett  (Talk) 18:43, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * 64) Toprawa:
 * 65) * Considering there's going to be a third part to this Mandalorian TCW trilogy thingamabob, if not more episodes, your "Aftermath" section is already going to need an update, which means this article fails to meet GAN Rule 5. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:17, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 66) **And just FYI to the nominator, this is why we don't recommend writing and immediately nominating articles on subjects that just came out in canon, like in an on-going TV program or an on-going comic. Because odds are the subject's development is not done, and there's going to be a new information that needs updating, which isn't good for an existing nomination or status article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:43, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Yeah, I suppose I would have done well by waiting until next week. Thanks Axinal 21:00, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 68) ***Aftermath has now been updated with information from Duchess of Mandalore. Axinal 07:20, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 69) Xd, round two
 * 70) * The prelude is pretty minimal.
 * 71) **Expanded a bit. Let me know what you think. Axinal 00:36, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 72) ***You could still add the TCW trademark "In 22 BBY, during the Clone Wars..."
 * 73) ****Added, though I used "Around 22 BBY" rather than "In".
 * 74) * Is that Mixer image really necessary?
 * 75) **Well, a requirement for GAs is a "reasonable" number of images. I can probably find a different image if you think the Mixer one is unnecessary. Axinal 22:15, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * 76) **Image has been replaced. Axinal 07:20, February 13, 2010 (UTC)
 * 77) * Standardize your paragraph length.
 * 78) **Seems pretty consistent to me, but I can work on it if you can specify. Thanks. Axinal 05:37, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 79) ***Fair enough.
 * 80) * Xd 19:56, February 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * 81) * Underlinking in prelude.
 * 82) **I didn't link Obi-Wan Kenobi, Duchess Satine, Pre Vizsla, Coruscant, Anakin Skywalker, Confederacy, Death Watch, etc, because they were all mentioned/linked in the introduction.
 * 83) ***You have to link everything possible one time in the infobox, one time in the intro and one time in the main body.
 * 84) ****Ah, I understand. Linked what I could see. Axinal 19:50, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 85) * "and uncovered a plot by Pre Vizsla to overthrow.." Who's Vizsla. Context on him.
 * 86) **Addressed. Specified that Vizsla is the Governor of Concordia. Axinal 22:26, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 87) ***Still put in there something about him being the leader of Death Watch.
 * 88) ****Addressed. Axinal 19:50, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 89) * "Anakin Skywalker and several clones were sent to Mandalore.." What clones?
 * 90) **Changed to "several clones, including Cody, Rex, Mixer, and Redeye . . ." Axinal 22:26, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 91) ***I've taken care of it, but in future, you have to specify they were clone troopers.
 * 92) ****Okay, thanks for that.
 * 93) * "The clones were ordered to search the Coronet.." What Coronet? Again, context.
 * 94) **It's mentioned in the introduction that Satine's ship is the Coronet. Axinal 22:26, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 95) ***You have to provide context whether it is mentioned in the intro or not.
 * 96) ****Addressed. Axinal 19:50, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 97) *****I still don't see any context.
 * 98) ******Done the best I could there. Specified that the clones are aboard the Coronet, the Duchess's ship. Axinal 05:32, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 99) * Mention that both Mixer and Redeye are clones.
 * 100) **Mentioned in the introduction. Axinal 22:26, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 101) ***Still needs a mention in the main body.
 * 102) ****Addressed. Axinal 19:50, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 103) * I'd replace the infobox clone trooper casualties with "Clone troopers" instead of "Mixer" and "Redeye".
 * 104) **Sure. Do you think just clone troopers, or some clone troopers, or 2 clone troopers? Axinal 22:35, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 105) ***Just, IMO.
 * 106) ****Addressed. Thanks for all your help! Axinal 19:50, February 16, 2010 (UTC)
 * 107) * A probe killer attacked Cody and Rex. Who's Cody?
 * 108) **Specified as Commander Cody, and mentioned in the prelude that Cody is among the clones sent with Anakin to Mandalore. Axinal 22:26, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * 109) * I don't see why the last sentence of the BtS is relevant to this article.
 * 110) **I guess it wasn't. Removed. Axinal 05:32, February 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * 111) * Xd 05:53, February 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * 112) Fett II
 * 113) * In the infobox, I think you can add more for the "results" of the battle. I.e, assassin probes destroyed, Merrik failed to destroy the ship, what happened to the battle droids?
 * 114) **If I may intervene here, that's not really necessary info for the outcome of the battle. All it really needs is something stating that the Death Watch/Separatist plot was foiled (and even that would be optional, as that would be covered by the Republic victory). Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:40, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 115) ***Battle droids are still an option, though.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:43, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 116) ****I fail to see how that is necessary. Per tons of other GA precedents, it has never really been done, because it isn't needed. That's what the casualties section is for. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:46, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 117) *****I see your point there, Jonny. Sorry for the confusion.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:48, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 118) * "Around 22 BBY, Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were sent to escort Duchess Satine Kryze and several senators to Coruscant so the Duchess could defend herself against the claims that she was in league with the Confederacy of Independent Systems." Tense and minor grammatical issues are a problem in this sentence.
 * 119) **If I may intervene here as well, there is nothing wrong with that sentence grammar or tense-wise. Jonjedigrandmaster  Jedi symbol.svg ( We seed the stars ) 23:40, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 120) ***Yeah, I corrected it during my copyedit. It's taken care of.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:43, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 121) * Fact tag in the bio.
 * 122) **Addressed. Axinal  Convocation Chamber 03:04, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 123) * In the bio, you say "(and secretly the leader of the Death Watch)", however, please don't use parenthesis to identify context, as it's frown upon and unencyclopedic. I would change the parenthesis to an "mdash", though, I wanted to let you know.
 * 124) **Addressed. Axinal  Convocation Chamber 03:04, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 125) * "were sent to Mandalore to help Kenobi escort the Duchess to Coruscant, where she could defend herself in the Senate." Defend herself against what?
 * 126) **Addressed. Axinal  Convocation Chamber 03:04, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 127) *There are many tiny paragraphs throughout the "skirmish" and "Merrik" sub sections. Please go through each paragraph and merge them together to form proportional, concise paragraphs. Proper formatting is an issue I see with this article. And once that's done, please neatly reorganize your three images. The two that are in the "Merrik" sub section are close to each other and need to be spread apart.
 * 128) * " However, before he could act on his suspicions, he, too was attacked." Attacked by what? Also, please clarify or reword "before he could act on his suspicions". Quite confusing.
 * 129) **Addressed. Axinal  Convocation Chamber 03:04, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 130) * "Skywalker joined the clones to help in their search. They discovered a cargo crate with the cover open and the contents missing." I have been seeing these short, choppy sentences throughout the "skirmish" section. It would be appropriate if you add more detail, though, don't get too "play by play" of the situation.
 * 131) **Addressed choppy sentences. See what you think now. Axinal  Convocation Chamber 04:45, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 132) * I'm seeing a lack of transition between "They discovered a cargo crate with the cover open and the contents missing." and "As Skywalker and the clones continued to search the area, Skywalker noticed Redeye walking toward him.". If they found some crate with its lid open, why is this prominently mentioned and then they ignore it and keep searching? If the crate is important, please explain what's its purpose.
 * 133) **Addressed that. Axinal  Convocation Chamber 04:45, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * 134) * "However, Redeye wasn't answering Skywalker's questions." You never have mentioned that Skywalker was talking to Redeye. Please be careful, as it will confuse the reader.
 * 135) **Addressed. Thanks for the pointers! Axinal  Convocation Chamber 03:04, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 136) *That's it for now. I'll contiune with "Merrik's betrayal" soon. Please watch your linking, tense, and overall coherency. Formatting is a major issue I see right now.  JangFett  (Talk) 23:33, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * 137) The article needs to better follow the Layout Guide in terms of a neutral perspective. The article itself is more oriented around the Jedi's perspective and needs to properly make use of an omniscient perspective&mdash;it's history, not a character's biography or a simple summary of the episode. That means that every single relevant piece of information, including the entire setup of the droids and Merrik's allegiances, need to be detailed in the Prelude. The article is in need of a major rewrite to properly do so. Additionally, I fail to see why the last sentence of the Bts is even relevant to the battle.  CC7567  (talk) 22:20, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 138) Hey there, whatever the article may be, I see the situation with the nomination... still that section you revised is incorrect. The amount of droids destroyed by Skywalker is four time the amount you suggest in the page for skirmish aboard the Coronet. I suggest re-watch the episode and then judge what is wrong and what is right. Cause on the part of false information, the article needs and edit--Dangrievous 19:06, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments
 * Just about all objections have been addressed. If Xd, Toprawa, and JangFett want to take another look to make sure they are satisfied, I'd be much obliged. Thanks again! Axinal 00:37, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

 * 1) Although the nomination's unaddressed objections don't officially reach the three-week idle point until this Saturday, the 27th, the nominator has shown virtually no continued dedication to the maintenance of the nomination since the most recent objections, making only the smallest of rather insignificant edits that have not advanced the status of the nomination in any way, shape, or form. Considering how involved the scope of the longest outstanding objection is--Layout Guide and neutral perspective issues--I'm considering this nomination to have been all but abandoned unless I can be duly proven otherwise. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:05, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  Grunny  ( talk ) 09:11, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:06, March 23, 2010 (UTC)