Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Lasavvou


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Lasavvou

 * Nominated by: NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 18:41, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Just because.

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Support

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) *"Lasavvou was a male Ithorian stranded on Nar Shaddaa, a moon famous for its less than legitimate tenats," Tenats?
 * 3) **Trak fixed it. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:01, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) *"The Ithorian was in the middle of a courier job, taking a large shipment of cryogenic power cells to a contact that was supposed to meet him on the moon. " Set this up in some way, such as saying that he worked as a courier and for whom. Alone, it seems rather random. Also, tell when.
 * 5) **They never say for whom, otherwise fixed.
 * 6) *The entire intro does not flow well at all.
 * 7) **Is this better?
 * 8) *Cut down the intro, because it's nearly as long as the bio. A lot of it is fluff to get it up to 1000 words, it seems.
 * 9) **Not fluff. Cut down.
 * 10) *"He was in the middle of a delivery of cryogenic power cells to an unknown party." When?
 * 11) **Added
 * 12) *In the bio, state that the dock authority was a branch of the Exchange, since that is in the intro and nowhere else.
 * 13) **Added
 * 14) *Watch your linking. Articles are to be linked once in the intro and once in the bio.
 * 15) **Everything is linked as far as I can see.
 * 16) *You don't need to contextify the Force. Sheer fluff.
 * 17) **Sorry, I forgot about that. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:01, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) *" It is unknown what became of him after they left the moon." Remove.
 * 19) **Done NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:01, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) *Quote for bio?
 * 21) **Added
 * 22) *Mention his involvement in the Ithorian Supremacy League in the bio.
 * 23) **Added. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 06:01, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *I must say, Naru, I'm disappointed. A large amount of this article is fluff added to get this to 1000 words. I would suggest stripping off the fluff, removing it from FAN and GA nomming it.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:03, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) AdmirableAckbar:
 * 26) *Have you checked the strategy guide for him?
 * 27) **It has no new information on him. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:29, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) *"The Ithorian was approached by a woman known as the Jedi Exile, whom he initially thought was from the dock authority, offered to talk to Fassa, the dock master, about waiving the dock fee on the condition that Lasavvou give her one of the power cells and take a woman from the Refugee Sector named Kahranna, as well as her family, with him off planet." Needs to be broken up, and there's a missing word around "offered" which makes it all confusing.
 * 29) **Broken up and fixed.
 * 30) *"The Exile convinced Fassa to not impound Lesavvou's vehicle, however, despite this the Ithorian was actually planning to leave without the family, the Exile figured out him out so she used the Force to persuade him into taking them along." This again could do with being broken up for clarity, and the "however" needs to be changed a bit for clarity. "Figured him out" is probably a bit colloquial too.
 * 31) **Fixed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:36, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) *Is the only mention of his speciesism from the quote in the P&T? That seems to imply, not that he hates all other species, but that him and his league want to show that Ithorians aren't weak and stupid and whatnot. Is there other evidence of him hating other species/Humans? Either way, the stuff about Ithorians being looked down upon and whatnot should be added in.
 * 33) **I got carried away there. He does say that he dislikes other races but not to the extent of hating them all.
 * 34) *The second paragraph of the BtS could do with more clarity. You should start off by explaining that the player has multiple choices and can be dark side or light side, which isn't outright stated as is.
 * 35) **Added.
 * 36) *"as is canon" - needs a source
 * 37) **Added.
 * 38) *" If asked why he won't provide transport to Kahranna, Lasavvou replies that other species see the Ithorians as weak and lets slip that «the Ithorian Supremacy League will prove you all wrong». If the player pressures him further about the so-called League, he will deny any knowledge about it." - why is all this included in the paragraph about alternate player options, when it's also stated as fact in the bio?
 * 39) **Removed. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 00:30, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 40) **I gave it a copyedit and removed some quite extraneous/unnecessary info. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:14, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * With some of the cuts I made, the article is now below the 1000 word threshold, at 835 words. It may be pushed back above the 1000 word mark with some of the additions I suggested above, but if it is not, please don't force it and add unnecessary fluff, which would be to the article's detriment (and would be removed at any rate). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:18, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I assure you I would never, and if I did, I would fix it later of my own volition anyway. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 22:32, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
 * More business, less personal, please. Graestan ( Talk ) 22:54, 28 July 2009 (UTC)


 * The article rests at around 840 words and I don't think I'll be able to get it back up to 1000 so I request that it be removed from the FAN so that I can instead put it up as a GA nomination. NaruHina  Talk Anakinsolo.png 23:29, 30 July 2009 (UTC)