Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Bettle


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(+7)
Support
 * 1) Per Eyrezer's recommendation, this was already close to GA standards, so I dusted it off and took it the rest of the way. jSarek 05:04, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) --Eyrezer 09:13, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I have a soft spot for short articles like this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:39, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Inside joke here.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:55, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 14:33, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) See comment below. —Xwing328 (Talk) 17:19, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Move this bad girl on! Great work, jSarek!  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:45, 6 February 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa says:
 * 2) * Remove the parenthetical prose. Really unnecessary, especially in the intro. If it's important enough to be in the article, include it.
 * 3) **I removed the first instance, but the second (about the death of her sister) is more difficult to reconcile, since it can't be chronologically placed precisely and disrupts the flow of the article if put elsewhere. jSarek 21:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***In that case, I might suggest removing the parenthetical text entirely. It does not seem her sister's death or her father's blaming the Imperial governor has anything directly to do with Bettle herself, unless it was part of why her father later encouraged her to join the Rebellion, in which case that would be the most appropriate place to stick that little tidbit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:39, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****I would, but it seems the fact her sister was killed as a result of Graeber's actions is the sort of important stuff that the article would be remiss in omitting. jSarek 00:06, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * The intro could be fleshed out a little bit more.
 * 7) **More fleshy; if I add much more, it will start to simply reduplicate the article. jSarek 21:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * This line could be clarified to explain that they were illicitly moving goods into the planet, not out from within: "Bettle and Jaxa became one of many groups of smugglers who attempted to run the blockade."
 * 9) **Clarified. jSarek 21:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * I quote Graestan when I say, avoid "weasel words" like "apparently": "This disagreement apparently led to them splitting up for a while,"
 * 11) **Reworded; on rereading the passage in question, it isn't totally clear that they actually split up anyway. jSarek 21:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * This line is confusing...was she on Endor? Ralltiir? "Eventually, Bettle got caught up in the Rebellion more directly. Following the Battle of Endor, she was present with her father in an underground communications center on the planet"
 * 13) **Ralltiir, as the article now reflects. jSarek 21:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * Definitely needs a "Personality and Traits" section, as brief as it probably will be. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:02, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Added. jSarek 21:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 17) ** "She began by returning to running guns to Ralltiir with Jaxa." Please rephrase.
 * 18) ***Rephrased. jSarek 22:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) ** "She frequently swore, and was not above a malicious grin or wicked laugh when her enemies faced setbacks." Again, change this. Maybe make it two sentences.
 * 20) ***I've rephrased, though since I'm not sure exactly what the problem with the original was, I'm not sure if it's better. I didn't split it; that would just make two choppy sentences that weren't any clearer. jSarek 22:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ****Nah, it's fine. Just bugged mer earlier.
 * 22) ** "Bettle was one of two daughters of Ralltiir resistance leader Jerell (her sister was dead by the time of the liberation of Ralltiir, a death her father blamed on Imperial governor Dennix Graeber)." Is it possible to add that parenthetical info to the part later in the article where she joins the Rebellion? Could it be a reason, or is that too much speculation?
 * 23) ***I think it would be too much speculation. We don't know when her sister died, other than it was after Graeber came to power and before the fall of Ralltiir; it could have been long before she joined, it could have been after.  And we know that her father had to persuade her to join, which means if her sister's death was a motivator, it wasn't by itself enough to bring her in. jSarek 22:54, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:35, 1 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) Just a couple of quick things from the Family-sized pasta bowl of Fiolli:
 * 26) * "When the Empire cracked down on Ralltiir, Bettle and Jaxa became one of many groups of smugglers who attempted to run the blockade with supplies for the cut-off world." The word "became" is awkward. Perhaps "formed" or "created" would be better.
 * 27) **It must have been awkward, because "formed" or "created" would be a completely different meaning than what's intended; they were already a team by that point. I went with the far simpler "were." jSarek 07:01, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * "this venture was more successful, and they brought back a full cargo of canta salt and havao tabac, though their ship, the Mallixer, was damaged in the process." I would prefer this be broken up. I do not really know much about the topic at hand and this sentence confused me a couple of times.
 * 29) **Broken up a little. jSarek 07:01, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * Fourth paragraph of History: Can these sentences possibly be broken up or reworked? Seems to be somewhat run-on in nature.
 * 31) **Broken up and reworked. jSarek 07:01, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) *An interesting read nonetheless! Great work.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:44, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **Well, I don't think I'm going to make any changes to that if I can avoid it. ;-) jSarek 07:01, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ***Well, then I guess you leave me no choice but to vote for it! :)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:45, 6 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'd suggest making an article for her unidentified sister, and then removing the parenthetical text from this article, since others have objected to the parentheses. —Xwing328 (Talk) 17:19, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Created the article at Bettle's sister, but I tried an alternate forumulation of the text in Bettle's article that removes the parentheses but keeps the information. See if it's more palatable. jSarek 00:15, 6 February 2008 (UTC)