User talk:Master Jonathan

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Archives: Welcome | January 24–April 29, 2009 | May 6–June 18, 2009 | June 24–August 28, 2009 | August 29–November 19, 2009

I'm back&hellip;
Could you please copy-edit and review Sha Koon? Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:22, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * After objections are taken care of, a final word count would also be appreciated.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:19, November 22, 2009 (UTC)

Copyedit done. It looks mostly good to me with only one small problem:
 * From the P&A: "During Order 66, Koon felt her uncle's death and temporarily slipped into unconsciousness." This is the first time in the body that you explicitly reference Order 66, so the reader may not know what it is. Please explicitly reference it in the biography to avoid this possible confusion.
 * Put it in the thrid paragraph of "The Clone Wars" section. Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:30, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * Looks good now after a slight adjustment. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:07, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Otherwise, great job at 1,848 words. Let me know if you have any questions. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:16, November 22, 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:30, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * No problem. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:07, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Gira
Could you please to a copy-edit, review, and word count for Gira? I counted about 732 words, so I'll be able to nom it for the GA's most likely.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:20, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Copyedit done. Objections: Let me know when you've taken care of these or if you have any questions. I'll do a word count once the objections are addressed. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 23:08, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * Intro: "The Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader eventually located Gira and the Padawans' location at a facility." Three problems here:
 * The root word "locate" is repetitive.
 * Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:33, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * What Padawans are we talking about? This is the first mention of Padawans in the intro.
 * Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:33, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Context needed on the "facility".
 * Alright, I had to make a few changes after re-reading at Gira's entry in the CSWE. He was on a starship, which was captured by Vader. Also changed all instances of "base" to "ship".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:33, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Bio: "Eventually, the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader located Gira and the Padawans' location at a military base." Again, the root "locate" is repetitive. Also, see if you can vary the wording a little more, as right now it is nearly identical to the statement from the intro above.
 * Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:33, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Throughout the entire article, you use the name "Gira" way too much. I realize he is the subject of the article, but please use some pronouns and other alternatives (e.g. "the Jedi Knight").
 * Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:33, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright, looks good now at 889 words. Good job. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:49, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your help. Will nom for GA's now.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:34, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Alexem
Whoops -- sorry about that. I think in edit mode I noticed you hand linked "Squib" and "village" twice, but I failed to notice that the first links were in the lead, not the body. My mistake! ~ SavageBob 00:35, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Wrong Jon. :) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:36, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
 * Ugh. Finals! I blame it on my finals! :) ~ SavageBob 00:41, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

Copyedit
Hello again. I have another one for ya. I understand that it's quite long, so take your time. And thanks in advance. QuiGonJinn (Talk)
 * Done. Let me know if you have any questions. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:34, December 4, 2009 (UTC)

Jin-Lo Rayce
Could I please have a copy-edit, objections and a word-count? Thanks.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:27, December 18, 2009 (UTC)
 * Copyedit done. I have only one objection, which is actually more of a question:
 * Are you sure there are no quotes? I realize that the bulk of the article is from an OOU sourcebook, but Star Wars Purge: Seconds to Die might have a quote regarding him sharing the Temple's secret passageways with Sha Koon.
 * I'll try to find one, but if I can remember correctly, Koon mentions him in passing, and it really isn't that good of a quote.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:00, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * OK, these are the only quotes available in "Seconds to Die"
 * Unfortuantely, as I understand it, if there are any quotes at all, they must be used. I would suggest using the Jocasta quote as the lead quote, since it's a more generic quote; the other one could be used for either the bio or possibly the P&T. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:35, December 23, 2009 (UTC)

"I must see what my own Padawan, Jin-Lo Rayce, is doing. Lost in the archives or exploring the secret passageways, no doubt."&mdash;Jocasta Nu

"Master Nu knew these secrets. She shared them only with her Padawans. Her current&mdash;her last&mdash;Padawan liked me and shared what he knew. I hope he survived. But why should he? The Jedi have failed. We are destroyed."&mdash;Sha Koon


 * Otherwise looks good at 863 words. Let me know if you have any questions. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:36, December 18, 2009 (UTC)