Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Sarna (Queen)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

(5 Inqs/3 User/8 Total)
Support
 * 1) He has a pimp cape for a reason. Cull Tremayne 10:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Proof that courting for money ends in chaos. Darth Xadún 08:19, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Excellent. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:54, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Marvel love &gt; character FA hate. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 14:25, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Funky Enochf 17:58, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Calrissian was the Cobra commander?  Graestan ( Talk ) 14:41, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:57, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Thefourdotelipsis 01:55, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Holocron of Darth Xadún -
 * 2) * I feel "At a point where Sarna had come of age, she was visited by Lando Calrissian, who began courting her heavily" could be phrased better.
 * 3) **Hmmm, any suggestions?
 * 4) *** Try "Soon after Sarna came of age, She was courted by Lando Calrissian".
 * 5) ****Replaced.
 * 6) * "She refused to allow the Droghedans self-rule" doesn't make grammatical sense. I recommend inserting "the opportunity to self rule" or something to that effect.
 * 7) **Added.
 * 8) * The Biography ends fairly abruptly. Although this is pointed out this the "Behind the Scenes" section, are there any prospective plans Sarna has? Either way, the conclusion for the Biography could do with improving.
 * 9) **The last panel of the comic is Sarna arguing with Lando as they fly from the system. The only plans she has are the ones I already mentioned, "to convince Calrissian to join her in a new caper, with her as the brains and Calrissian as the brawn." Any suggestions here?
 * 10) ***Hmmm. didnt know that - I dont have the source, all my comments were subjective. sorry. In that case, I would say remove her fate bieng uncertain from the BtS section, twiddle it a bit, and whack it at the end of the Bio.
 * 11) ****I know what your saying, but it's kinda frowned upon to put "her final fate was unknown" in the bio. I think it might be better to just leave the explanation of the abrupt ending to her story in the BtS. Though if you have a better way to do it, I'm open to reworking it. Cull Tremayne 05:47, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *****Fair point. Nothing comes to mind for a better way. Darth Xadún 08:19, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * Are there any better quotes for the "Personality and traits" section? preferably showing a particular characteristic. I think you should expand this section if possible. Use examples of events that show her personality.
 * 14) **Heh. I thought Calrissian calling her a "backstabbing shrew" was showing one of her characteristics. :P I'll switch it with something else, but not sure how much better it will be. There's not a whole lot of relevant quotes relating to her personality. Also, there aren't really too many other verifiable traits that I can mention to expand this section. I added a couple other mentions, but there's not too much else that can be added. Thanks for the review. :D Cull Tremayne 02:33, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *** I like the new quote - although i cant tell the context, it makes her sound quite ruthless (although Lando would say 'firey'...). A lot of things for P&T can be derised from her attitudes to others, and the reactions she has to them (you can tell by a character's expressions in the pictures a lot of the time). Ambition usually begats toughness, determination, selfishness etc. If you can't find anything though, don't worry. I just like to know what a character acts like when I'm unfamilier to them! Darth Xadún 21:03, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Minor expansion given. Squeezed as much as I could into it. :P Cull Tremayne 05:47, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) Toprawa's Silver Hammer:
 * 18) * Infobox must be sourced
 * 19) **D'oh.
 * 20) * The two "people's" don't read well here. Please reword: "and replacing it with a government of the people was fresh in the minds of the people"
 * 21) **Dang that's an ugly sentence. Replaced the second mention with "Droghedans". Does that read any better?
 * 22) ***Yup, perfect.
 * 23) * Two things here. Please reword to avoid ending subsequent clauses in the same word, "citadel." Also, I think it would be better to say that she detonated the explosives within the munitions room, not detonating the room itself: "Danu signaled her allies by detonating the munitions room inside the citadel, and the revolutionaries attacked the citadel."
 * 24) **Good point. Split into two sentences, and switched the second "citadel" to "fortress".
 * 25) * Is it at all possible to pipelink a specific star system here? "and the two began to bicker as they left the system."
 * 26) **As far as I know, the system that includes Drogheda isn't known. It's not in either of the two sources that I worked from anyway. The planet is in the Teraab sector is as far as I know, and Lando only mentions leaving the system rather than the sector. I pipelinked "star system" for now.
 * 27) ***Cool. I was going to link to star system in case nothing else could be added.
 * 28) * I'm not sure what our policy on this even is, but would it not be best to format the P&T quote into the simple quote format, rather than dialogue? Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:37, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) **I remember that being mentioned in a previous nom, so I'll switch it to a quote template. Thanks for the copyedit and review. I would have never thought to link to "blood". :P Cull Tremayne 05:45, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) ***Glad to help. :) Blood and Death are my favorite articles. :P Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:54, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 32) * Capitalizing of Royal Guard seems inconsistent.
 * 33) **Sorted out.
 * 34) * Could use a bit of clarifying about her becoming queen. She suddenly goes from princess to queen when the Lando interview is mentioned. Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:39, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) **Removed the earlier mention of "princess". I guess I was mistaken, she's never referred to as Princess. No information exists as to how she became the Queen. Cull Tremayne 04:01, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * I read the first sentence and burst out laughing. No because of the writing, but because it's, well, funny. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:13, 26 April 2008 (UTC)