Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Little Bivoli


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Little Bivoli

 * Nominated by:Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 19:50, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Long story short, I killed off the GAN and put it up for my first FAN.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) I fixed all instances of "Heirogryph", back to "Hierogryph". Looks good, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 18:37, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:35, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Looks good. LtNOWIS 17:33, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:05, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:51, December 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) --Eyrezer 04:36, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * File:Bivolimess.jpg needs to be re-uploaded with the speech bubbles restored. --Imperialles 10:16, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) *Fixed Nayayen[[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] (talk) 18:33, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Attack of the Clone
 * 3) * Is it "Little Bivoli", as the title states, or "the Little Bivoli"? Please try to be consistent.
 * 4) **The ship is called "Little Bivoli" but one refers to it as "the Little Bivoli", as with the Executor. I fixed all instances to "the Little Bivoli". Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "the outer parts of the these were on the diagonal surfaces of the vessel, and when open, would not beneath the partial shelter of the overhanging hull, meaning that these parts were not protected from rain.": please check this; it seems like there's something missing after "would not".
 * 6) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * Please vary "located".
 * 8) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * "This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him, declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for person to whom a life-debt was being pledged, the to pay him." Please check this sentence, particularly the last part.
 * 10) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ***"This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him; declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for the person to whom a life-debt was being pledged." Your semicolon usage is improper here, and it disrupts the sentence flow. Please either replace it with what it was before or rephrase it.  CC7567  (talk) 17:49, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) ****Sorry, fixed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  21:40, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) * "They were ordered to merge into formation for a hyperspace jump bound for Serroco": who's "they"? The previous sentences brings up more subjects that could serve as the subject of this sentence. Please clarify.
 * 14) **Fixed Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) * Overall, I'm noticing a distinct underusage of commas. Please go through the article again and make sure that none of the sentences are run-ons, because that's what the lack of commas are causing.
 * 16) **I noticed that it was a case of too many commas in some places and none where they were needed. I've fixed them and a disjointed sentence or two. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) *I'll continue with "Camp Three" soon.  CC7567  (talk) 05:51, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * The first sentence of "Destruction" does not make sentence. Please check it and clarify.
 * 19) **Reworded Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * The "Owners and operators" is placing a lot on what is "known" and "unknown," but this is improper wording for IU articles. Please only state what's known and write it from a more general point of view.
 * 21) **Reworded Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Despite the Little Bivoli's destruction at the Battle of Serroco, Hierogryph and Slyssk managed to escape and were reunited with Carrick soon thereafter." Is this absolutely necessary in the Bts? It should be in the History, if anything, because in the Bts it's simple and unneeded trivia.  CC7567  (talk) 00:39, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) **Moved to history. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) *Thanks for the reviews CC. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) Despite JJM referencing Star Wars Galaxies as his source for Bivoli tempari, it actually originated from Riders of the Maelstrom (WEG). Not sure if the BTS section should reflect this somehow. --Azizlight 03:36, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) *I didn't know that, thanks for pointing it out. Now addressed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  07:46, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) **Cool. Could i suggest just a couple of additional words to explain why SWG is being mentioned? How about: "a foodstuff Miller found in Star Wars Galaxies, that first appeared in Riders of the Maelstrom." Sorry to be a pain :-) --Azizlight 23:16, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) ***Fixed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]] talk  15:33, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) Cav's objection:
 * 30) * Both of the paragraphs in the "Destruction" section describe Gryph and Slyssk escaping the planet. Can you condense these mentions into a single mention that describes what happened to avoid repetition? Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:02, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) **Thanks, I must have forgotten that when I updated it with Demon, Part 1. Now fixed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 16:18, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) ***I thought that was the case. I also re-added the DoF 3 reference tag, since that entire paragraph can't be soley attributed to Demon, Part 1. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 13:35, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) From Xwing328:
 * 34) *"This left their companions..." under the "Acquisition" section. This sentence doesn't quite make sense.
 * 35) **Shifted some context around to make it read better.
 * 36) *The second paragraph of the "Camp Three" section is very play-by-play, has little to do with the ship, and probably isn't even needed to provide context. —Xwing328 (Talk) 01:07, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Trimmed. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 14:57, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) The Grand Master makes his appearance on the FAN
 * 39) * Is there any reason you say it served as a provisional ship twice in the intro? If you mean to say (on the second mention) that it served primarily as a provisional ship for the Courageous group, please make this more clear, as right now it just seems redundant.
 * 40) **Redundant and thus removed.
 * 41) * The intro imples that only Carrick was accused for the Padawan Massacre, whereas the body says it was Carrick and Gryph.
 * 42) **Fixed
 * 43) * Could you add a date for the events in the history section?
 * 44) **Done
 * 45) *Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 04:35, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **Thanks for the review Jon.  Nayayen ... TALK  15:02, December 21, 2009 (UTC)
 * 47) Floyd doin' his thang:
 * 48) * "When the ship left Ralltiir, it was contacted by the Republic Navy's Courageous battle group and ordered to join formation." If the ship is private-owned, why would the Republic have it join formation? Clarify.
 * 49) **Fixed, but I'm not mentioning that it served the fleet as a fringer; that is already in the first sentence.
 * 50) * "The fleet jumped to hyperspace for Serroco, where it took part in a battle against the Mandalorians in the ongoing war." What ongoing war? Context please.
 * 51) **Fixed.
 * 52) * "In 3,963 BBY, on Ralltiir, the Arkanian offshoots Jarael and Camper left on their ship, the Last Resort, to find a cure for Camper's illness on Arkania. " Well where is it? On Ralltiir or Arkania? Reword and clarify.
 * 53) **Reworded.
 * 54) * "Unbeknownst to Carrick, the Snivvian had hired the Trandoshan Slyssk, a former member of the pirate organization Raff Syndicate, to steal a ship, because Hierogryph did not think it proper to do so himself, and they did not have the money to buy a ship." Break up and/or reword. Too long, too many commas, messes up the flow.
 * 55) **Fixed.
 * 56) * " After some difficulty in getting Slyssk to emerge," Why would there be difficulty in getting Slyssk to emerge? Clarify.
 * 57) **Fixed.
 * 58) * Are there articles for the original owners? If so, link to them, if not make them.
 * 59) **Created: Little Bivoli's original crew.
 * 60) * "Deciding to drop the matter of the price in favor of saving themselves, Slyssk, Carrick, and Hierogryph rushed onto the ship and took off. " What? The previous paragraph says the matter was already dropped, as Slyssk had to serve his lifedebt.
 * 61) **Reworded.
 * 62) *That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:30, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **I think I've got them all, thanks Floyd.  Nayayen ... TALK  10:47, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) 'Eyrezer:
 * 65) *Please add some more information in the Owners and operators section on the droids on the ship. Also, was T1-EL on the ship? --Eyrezer 23:56, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) **The only droids were the unidentified serving droids, I've added some more about them. Thanks Ey.  Nayayen ... TALK  15:07, December 27, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * With the release of Demon, Part 1, I've updated this with a few words that detail how Slyysk and Hierogryph escaped. Nayayen [[Image:Old Republic military symbol.png|18px]](talk) 19:16, November 20, 2009 (UTC)