Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Bultar Swan

Bultar Swan

 * Nominated by: Menkooroo 01:45, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Movie character.

Support

 * 1) Pre-nom reviewed.-- 02:39, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) I am quite turbed with this article.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:09, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Quack! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:53, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Terrific! Thefourdotelipsis 09:51, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

IFYLOFD:

 * Intro: "Eight Jedi attended the conclave, but Potkin had leaked intelligence of the meeting to Darth Vader," Why would Potkin do this? Please clarify. Also, I would add a little nugget about how Vader was once Anakin, since Anakin is mentioned previously in the intro.
 * Reorganized a little bit and info added.
 * Intro: "When Swan refused to kill her unarmed opponent, her fellow Jedi Koffi Arana seized her lightsaber and stabbed her with the weapon, betraying her and ending her life." Why would Arana betray her? Clarify.
 * Clarified!
 * Quote for Early life and Jedi training section?
 * I couldn't find anything. All the info in that section is from quoteless sourcebooks, and Swan doesn't talk about her training in any later dialogue. Unless Plo Koon has ever said anything like "I have trained many Jedi...", I think I'm stymied.
 * "After its crew had notified Fondorian authorities about their discovery, the patrol ship had disappeared, and both Fondor and its moon Nallastia were claiming salvage rights to the Sun Runner." Rewrite this sentence: the tense is all off here, making the sentence difficult to understand.
 * Rewritten!
 * Please add context on the Ripoblus and Dimok.
 * Done. I actually thought they were races, not planets. Thank you for that.
 * You mention A'Sharad Hett as a Jedi Master; perhaps you are thinking of Sharad Hett? I don't recall A'Sharad ever being a Master.
 * Ah, good call. It's definitely A'Sharad, so I just removed the word "Master".
 * That's all. Not bad.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 03:31, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks! I find your surplus of faith turbing.
 * ... If you can be disturbed and perturbed, surely you can just be turbed? Menkooroo 05:03, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
 * Never heard it, but I'll be sure to use it more in my everyday vocabulary. :P  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:09, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * It's like being gruntled. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 00:19, May 26, 2010 (UTC)

Farlstendoiro

 * Context on A'Sharad on his first mention ("Jedi General" would suffice)
 * Blam!
 * "She [Potkin] had invited Darth Vader to the meeting". It sounds as if she called Darth at Coruscant and asked for him to assist. However, IIRC, she lured Vader, as you explain just after saying that.
 * "Hello, Vader? Yeah, it's Potkin. ... Oh, I'm a Jedi. Hey, hey. HEY. Hey, calm down. Now, that's just plain rude. I think you owe me an apology. ... There, that's better. ... Oh, not too bad. Just letting you know that some Jedi are gathering on Kessel. ... Yeah, Obi-Wan gon' be there. ... Well of course you're invited! ... Yes, you can bring your lightsaber. ... Eight o'clock? Sounds great. See ya." But seriously, changed 'invited' to 'lured'. Menkooroo 00:47, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:19, May 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

 * Thank you to a lot of people for a lot of sources. Menkooroo 01:45, May 24, 2010 (UTC)