Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Bozhnee sector

Bozhnee sector

 * Nominated by: Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 10:19, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: From a single throwaway line in The DarkStryder Campaign, to a full blown sector thanks to Jason and Dan's work on the Essential Atlas.

(5 Inqs/1 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Great work! --Eyrezer 02:02, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Can't wait for Kathol sector! ~ SavageBob 20:20, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Well done. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:12, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Nice job. A clean read. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:30, January 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:26, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Eyrezer:
 * 2) * "With the rise of the Galactic Empire in 19 BBY, Garnib came under their rule." When I first read this, I thought the "their" referred to the Vernol mentioned in the previous sentence. Can you adjust the wording to avoid this?
 * 3) **Changed "their" to "Imperial"
 * 4) * The connection between Picturion's victory and the Republic stripping the Ninth Quadrant is not clear. Was it that the infighting weakened the S-J?
 * 5) **It's not really explained, but it does seem to be a consequence of the infighting. Rewritten a little to hopefully clarify the matter.
 * 6) * "They could also absorb light to a limited degree and made them sensitive to the Force." Please reword.
 * 7) **Reworded. Hopefully it's clearer.
 * 8) * Could you add another sentence to the Description section regarding Belsavis - something about the settlements on the world being domed in volcanic valleys protected from the ice. --Eyrezer 00:51, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Added. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 01:01, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) Prepare to be savaged...
 * 11) * Can you do a search a replace on the word "sector" and replace every third or fourth one with a synonym? I mean in constructions like "The sector played an important role" etc., not in examples of "Brozhnee sector." Possible synonyms might be "area," "region," and "Brozhnee" (without "sector)."
 * 12) **I changed a few, so hopefully it flows better now.
 * 13) * Is "Youngling" capitalized?
 * 14) **Its usually decapitalized as far as I know. Corrected all instances to lower case.
 * 15) * Can you provide context for Order 66 in the intro?
 * 16) **Added.
 * 17) * In the intro: "when they controlled the Ninth Quardant." The they here is ambiguous; I know who it refers to, but it could point to the planets under discussion, so is should probably be changed to "the houses" or something.
 * 18) **You changed this one yourself :P
 * 19) **Oh, yeah! :) ~ SavageBob 20:20, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Context for "Noopiths?"
 * 21) **No context, as nothing is known about them. They are simply a stellar body known as the Noopiths. In fact, Jason Fry said in the Atlas endnotes that: "Note that the Noopiths are mapped but not described. I'd always wondered what they were since encountering them in Children of the Jedi - but decided the Atlas shouldn't reveal every mystery!"
 * 22) * Context for Mluki -- are they a species? A religion?
 * 23) **Clarified.
 * 24) * "creeping influence emanating from Eriadu." Can you explain what the influence was? Why was Eriadu's influence considered a bad thing?
 * 25) **Added a little, but to be honest going into greater detail is a whole other can of worms unrelated to Bozhnee sector that would be better served in the Eriadu and Senex-Juvex articles.
 * 26) * "With the so-called 'Crimson Days' at, the Senex-Juvex had to deal with several crises." Is there a word missing here?
 * 27) **Should be "at an end". Added.
 * 28) * It's a bit confusing that the Balinaka are both "individualistic" and "community-oriented." Is this what the original source says? If so, nothing we can do, but if possible, this should be made clearer.
 * 29) **Yep, that's what the source says. Rewritten a little.
 * 30) * Is it the Sibilaari's eyes or body that is black in coloration? Well-done article! Can I look forward to more sectors in the future? ~ SavageBob 18:45, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) **Clarified. Kathol sector should be next :) - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 19:38, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Toprawa:
 * 33) * This sentence is bit confusing, since I'm not sure what these two things are meant to be. Are both the G-S Cluster and the Noopiths masses of dust and proto-stars, or is one a mass of dust and the other a proto-star? Please do a little to clarify, and it seems star cluster should be linked or pipelinked in here some place as well: "Stellar phenomenon in the area included the mass of dust and proto-stars known as the Greeb-Streebling Cluster, and the Noopiths."
 * 34) **Ah. The G-S Cluster is a mass of dust and proto-stars while the Noopiths are completely unexplained. They are just a stellar phenomenon. I rejigged the sentence a little.
 * 35) * This sentence seems like unnecessary detail given the focus of the "Description" section. I would recommend just cutting this out. Please also update your linking if so: "The refuge, protected by Ho'Din Jedi Master Plett, was eventually destroyed by the Galactic Empire"
 * 36) **Removed.
 * 37) * It would be appropriate to either link or redlink to this cataclysmic event here: "The planet underwent a cataclysm that destroyed the planet at some time"
 * 38) **Redlink created. I'll probably create the article in a day or two after reconsulting the source.
 * 39) * Why the speculation? "possibly a Moff or an admiral"
 * 40) **The speculation is not mine, but is from the actual source. The quote at the article's top is the source for it. I could change it to something neutral, but since its an IU statement I think the info needs to be there. I've the changed the wording a little.
 * 41) ***Fair enough. Works for me. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, December 29, 2009 (UTC)
 * 42) *Not an objection, but a personal note from myself. You did a very nice job of writing this article, but, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it, overall the article's linking was inconsistent, if not downright bad, at best. You can go through my copyedit and see the changes I've made if you wish, but I would prefer to see a better job of this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:59, December 23, 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) **Fair comment, and I guess I do spend more of my writing time actually making sure the article is correct and readable than linking. It is something I will work on in the future. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 00:57, December 28, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Thank you. My appreciation. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:27, December 29, 2009 (UTC)

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