Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Duel on Ambria


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Duel on Ambria

 * Nominated by: Darth Xadún and Tommy9281 11:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: A psychopathic Sith. Decapitation. Force Lightning. Lightsabers. A duel with it all.

(5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:10, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:58, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Thefourdotelipsis 21:56, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Cull Tremayne 14:38, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:30, 17 November 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) I think the intro's a little two long -- three paragraphs seems excessive for a 9 KB article. Also, and I'll get back to you with a proper objection soon, I think parts of this might be Play-by-play. Things like "Cries of mercy faded to silence as Bane retracted his blade, having ended Hetton's life" read like a narrative to me. As I said, I'll get back to you on this when I've more time to make a proper review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:12, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Still several paragraghs in the intro, but it has been shortened. Removed what I believe may be play-by-play, and eliminated the narrative. If not satisfactory, please advise. Thank you. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 04:54, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Hey Hey Hey:
 * 4) * I don't think you should call Zannah treacherous in the intro. It was a betrayal of Hetton, no? Or at least she used that excuse?
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Anyone reason convinced is in italics? I don't think that's needed.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Minor thing, but holocron is not capitalized.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * I'd suggest mentioning that Hetton was an aristocrat when you introduce him in the body.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) *Nice work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:19, 4 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Thanks for looking, Chack. If anything else is required. For a good time, check out the Senate Hall & Korriban Academy ones too;) —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 15:24, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 15) * " Surprised, he instead spared her life, and regarded Zannah with respect, recognizing her potential as the next Dark Lord of the Sith. " A bit confusing at the end. What exactly does that mean?
 * 16) **Addressed.
 * 17) * Context on Shadow Assassins' ties to the Sith needed.
 * 18) **Addressed, I believe.
 * 19) * " he completely embraced the dark side and decimated his enemies, killing all the assassins in a final attack." A bit of flowery prose here.
 * 20) **Really? That's exactly how it happened in the book. He embraced the dark side, and totally destroyed the remaining Assassins. I left it as simple yet direct as possible without plagiarizing. Please advise how I should go about changing. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 05:07, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***Fair enough. I was hoping Karpyshyn had a more concrete explanation, but that's fine. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:58, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * "and the pair departed for Ambria on board Hetton's ship the Loranda, intent on relieving the Dark Lord of his mantle." Are details on how the Umbarans got there available?
 * 23) **No, but it can be assumed that they traveled with Zannah and Hetton. Addressed.
 * 24) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 04:45, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Pleasure doing business with you, Ataru. My colleague and I thank you for the review. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 05:07, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I realize Ackbar struck, but I just thought I'd echo the sentiment that the introduction is too long. It needs to shed a paragraph, I feel, to remain proportionate. Thefourdotelipsis 11:28, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Reworked it a tad. Let me know if it is now to your liking. —Tommy9281 [[Image:Dark Side Master TotG.jpg|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 16:48, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments


 * No sources. Should be a good read. —Tommy9281  [[Image:Red lightsaber.png|20px]] ( Peace is a lie ) 11:06, 16 September 2008 (UTC)