Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Villian Dance


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Villian Dance

 * Nominated by:  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 22:08, 22 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: ChackProject Death Star continues. And I got another up my sleeve, so just wait.

(6 Inqs/2 Users/8 Total)
Support
 * 1)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:17, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Greyman ( Talk ) 00:41, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cull Tremayne 05:48, 9 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:19, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) "Dance, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, Dance, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, Dance, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, a-Da-a-a-a-ance." Thefourdotelipsis 00:44, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 03:40, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:11, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Car-em Hawhi

Object
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * " was one of ten scuttled to escort a " I don't think "scuttled" as the right word here, and I'm not sure what it's supposed to be.
 * 3) **Changed.
 * 4) * I'd like to hear a little more about his reaction to the training mishap.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) * "Alpha Squadron, along with nine others" Nine other squadrons?
 * 7) **Fixed.
 * 8) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:33, 26 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks Ataru.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 18:43, 26 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) Other stuff
 * 11) * "With a few maneuvers, he was able to fly up the enemy ship." In the middle of the first section. What does this mean exactly? He was able to fly upon the enemy ship? Any why did he need to do maneuvers anyway? Was he in danger of being shot down by the shuttle or something?
 * 12) **Hope I got this clarified.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:50, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * "Dance took a moment to revel about his life." This reads a little awkwardly to me. He took a moment to celebrate his life? Just not sure it's the best choice of words.
 * 14) **Rephrased.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:50, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * "A short time after destroying the shuttle, Dance's squad was one of ten sent to escort a shuttle" Mind changing one of those "shuttle"s to something else? It reads a little weird as is.
 * 16) **Changed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:50, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Before he did this, he proposed to Kaarz, who told him that she would think about it, but planned to go join the Rebellion along with Dance, while Ratua and Roothes headed to meet Ratua's family on Coruscant and Divini also decided to join the Rebel Alliance." Last sentence in the Bio. This is somewhat of a run-on. Mind splitting it up so that it doesn't seem so jumbled?
 * 18) **No problem. That was pretty ugly, actually. Should be better now.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:50, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Nice job once again. Cull Tremayne 01:21, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Thank you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:50, 8 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 22) * "This led to Dance beginning to lose faith in the Empire, as he wondered what government would allow its soldiers to slaughter people, even its enemies." It sounds like he was already having some doubts. Can this be rephrased to get rid of "beginning".
 * 23) **Reworded.
 * 24) * BTS could be a little longer by mentioning who created him. Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:57, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Well, since Death Star had two authors, we don't know which one of them created Dance.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:15, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * "As he flew alongside Vader to the Death Star, Dance remarked to himself that something was up if Vader was commanding the Devastator and traveling to the Death Star." - This sentence is a tad clunky. Thefourdotelipsis 01:50, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Reworded, though it still be a little ugly. I had some trouble with this sentence. Holler if it needs more work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:55, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Perhaps what it needs is a bit of explanation as to why Vader's presence is a bad thing. For the uneducated. :P Thefourdotelipsis 22:43, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Fixed now, I think.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:02, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * Preliminary objection: I was going to question the assertion that Dance and his group actually did join the Rebellion, since Death Star never actually claims that they made it into the Rebellion, similar to how Davin Felth never actually joined the Rebels in his story, though he planned to. But, CSWE does say that they joined the Rebels on Yavin 4. Please change the article's sourcing, particularly the infobox, to CSWE in the appropriate places. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:53, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **You know, it's precisely to avoid objections like this that I got the book. Stupid of me to not add this info. It's in there now, anyway.
 * 4) * Never does the article or biography list his homeworld being Corellia. I'd like to see this in there somewhere. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:06, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) **Dumb mistake. Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:26, 14 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) * The article jumps right from the Battle of Despayre to the Destruction of Alderaan. Is there nothing linking Dance's disillusionment with the Destruction of Despayre? Certainly some kind of mention should be thrown in there.
 * 7) **I'm not sure what you mean. From the article: "However, he took no pride in it, because he believed it had been too easy, more of a slaughter than a battle. Dance expressed these feelings to Kaarz, and also told her that he wanted a challenge, something the architect understood. Though Dance had already been having doubts about the integrity of the Empire, the battle caused him to lose a great deal of faith, as he wondered what government would allow its soldiers to slaughter people, even if those people were its enemies."
 * 8) * Are you sure about this? I seem to remember they were sent to pick up injured pilots floating out in space in the battle: "The group, dressed as medics, entered the hangar, claiming that they were part of an emergency rescue team sent to pick up injured prisoners"
 * 9) **You pick up things no one else does. :P Fixed.
 * 10) * You should clarify that Dance was chosen to pilot the escape shuttle because he was the group's pilot
 * 11) **I'm not quite sure if I get your meaning, so this objection may not be fixed. Please take a look and let me know.
 * 12) * This makes it seem as if Vader's just entering the battle at this point, and I don't think that's true. Please reword: "Darth Vader, flying to battle in his TIE Advanced x1"
 * 13) **Fixed.
 * 14) * Can you try and add something detailing the group's thoughts/feelings at this point? I seem to remember this being the climactic point of the battle for them, when they think they're truly doomed and can't escape. I do remember that Dance tried gunning the shuttle to try and break the tractor beam. Try to add something explaining their desperation here: "While it appeared Vance and his group were free, the shuttle was once again stopped from escape, this time snared in one of the Death Star's tractor beams. The beam pulled the shuttle in toward the Death Star, when suddenly the space station exploded,"
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * There's nothing in this article really detailing his courting of Kaarz, how she at first didn't come on to him, considered him somewhat lowly, IIRC, but that he persisted, etc. This is all good P/T material.
 * 17) **I'll get on this one soon.
 * 18) * Please combine the "Skills and abilities" section with the P/T. "Skills" sections are reserved for Force users only. This information can still be included in the P/T, which is why the section title is called "Personality and traits," not just "Personality."
 * 19) **Nevermind that. I see the LG allows for such a section. I would, however, still recommend combining this information with the P/T, but you reserve the right to devote a separate section. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:28, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * You include him as a member of the Rebellion in the article but don't include him in a Rebel category? Please do so. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:19, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) * Unfortunately, I'm afraid you'll need to rework the latest BTS edit a bit to explain that these are real-world rank connotations and assumptions, and that this article does not assert this real-world rank info as IU canon. Otherwise, we're bordering on OR here. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:24, 16 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) Dance was in fact a lieutenant commander by the time of the novel. It's mentioned very early, however the authors mistakenly refer to him as a lieutenant throughout, even though the rank is supposed to be truncated to "commander." Please fix. -- Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 17:54, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Fixed.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:02, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments


 * Thanks for the read, all.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:15, 12 January 2009 (UTC)