Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified IG-86 sentinel droid 1


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified IG-86 sentinel droid 1

 * Nominated by: Kreivi Wolter 09:33, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: If the article survives as lenght as its now, I may try to feature him as well.

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Support

Object
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) *I'm going to give this another review soon, for now here are some issues:
 * 3) * Intro-"Things were complicated..." "Things" is too-colloquial. Please rephrase.
 * 4) **Better now?--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * "When he was destroyed by Skywalker, Shahan Alama immediately noted that his body was lacking for lightsaber cuts." How is this relevant to mention in the "Characteristics" section?
 * 6) **Uh, it isn't. What was I thinking?--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) *More to come.  JangFett  (Talk) 11:16, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **I'll be waiting : )--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) The Grand Master continues his comeback...
 * 10) * Intro: You say they are going to free Ziro from a prison, and then all of a sudden they head to the Republic Executive Building. Why are they going there?
 * 11) **Noted.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) * I see many grammar issues in the intro and body. Please try to fix these yourself.
 * 13) **I will try.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * How was the Power control room a "key" part of Bane's plan? (Don't forget, this article is from the prospective of one of the members of Bane's posse, so things like this shouldn't be left a mystery.)
 * 15) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ***Okay, but you still don't say why it was a key part. (i.e., they used it activate the lockdown) If you feel tis is not relevant enough to the article's subject to be put in, then don't bother saying it was central to the plan.
 * 17) ****Removed the key part section.--Kreivi Wolter 13:49, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * "tried to escape in fear" Can you be sure that it was in fear, and not just that particular droid's programming? This is speculative, and should be removed.
 * 19) **I think it's rather obvious that the droid fears. But alas, ur right. It's not confirmed in any way.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * Why were the Senators conferring in the East Wing?
 * 21) **I explained it, but I wonder is it relevant to this droid?--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***That was a little too much; you just needed a little info about why they might be gathering there.
 * 23) * Please review the LG. I don't believe an "aftermath" section is appropriate in this case. That makes it sound like the article was centered around a battle or event, rathen than a character.
 * 24) **Hmmm. Can I just say "After destruction", as I can't say "Legacy" or "After death"?--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) ***Or you could not bother giving its own section, or you could make a "destruction" (or similar name) section, describing his fight with Skywalker and the aftermath.
 * 26) ****Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 11:16, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 27) * You say Skywalker attacked the droid while it was heading downstairs, after getting it and Alama to leave the room, but then you say "after defeating the droid, Skywalker left the room". Which is true? Did he fight the droid in the room, or outside of it? (IIRC, it was outside)
 * 28) **That was really fuzzy indeed.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) * I think you should move the part about Skywalker comparing the likeness of this droid to HELIOS-3D to the characteristics section only, because it is completely irrelevant to anything except what the droid looked like.
 * 30) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) * You refer to this droid as a "he" throughout the article, but is there anything that specifically says it has male programming?
 * 32) **Oh darn... didn't thing that.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:35, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) Attack of the Clone
 * 35) *Cut down the intro. Three paragraphs is surpassing the acceptable length for an article of this size.
 * 36) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 11:16, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *The "mission to the Thicket" is a conjecturally titled article and should not be referred to that way. It isn't even necessary to the intro.
 * 38) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 11:16, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) *You are missing an extremely large amount of noun articles, i.e. "a" and "the".
 * 40) **I'll get on that.--Kreivi Wolter 11:16, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) *Never used "unidentified" in any IU article.
 * 42) **You mean only the first phrase?--Kreivi Wolter 11:16, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) ***I'm referring to whatever is in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 11:37, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) ****Didn't find any more than that on the first phrase. I removed it.--Kreivi Wolter 14:56, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) *More to come once the others have finished.  CC7567  (talk) 20:48, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) The Grand Master is back for more...
 * 47) * Still seeing a lot of grammar errors.
 * 48) * Why was the plan complicated when Skywalker was spotted? Was it not a complicated plan before? I think that for what you are trying to say, something along the lines of "threatened" would work better.
 * 49) **Good call.--Kreivi Wolter 16:42, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * Is the fact that the droid's fight with Skywalker was later mentioned really relevant enough to put in the intro, or even in the article at all?
 * 51) **Well, maybe not in the intro, but I wouldn't remove it from the LG.--Kreivi Wolter 16:42, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ***I don't understand how such an offhand mention is relevant to the article in any way at all.
 * 53) ****I thought about that, and in the end, ur right. I removed it.--Kreivi Wolter 15:32, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *Remember: call people only by their last names after their first mention in the body.
 * 55) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 16:42, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 56) * How do you know that the droid "wasn't afraid of confronting" Skywalker?
 * 57) **Does he look like he is afraid? : ) I took the example from the article Shahan Alama, which is a good article.--Kreivi Wolter 16:42, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 58) ***Indeed, and Alama was a living being capable of feelings, not a droid&mdash;and we don't know exactly what the droid's programming is, so assuming he can even feel fear to begin with is speculative. Likewise, assuming he wasn't afraid of Skywalker is also speculative. What if he was programmed to feel fear, and not show it? The point is we just don't know, so it's too specualtive.
 * 59) ****Better now?--Kreivi Wolter 15:32, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) *I'll give it another review once these are fixed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 16:27, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 61) Fett returns
 * 62) * "Bane, alongside the sentinel droid, Alama and the droid commandos, headed to the entrance of the building while the rest of the team waited on adjacent tower." The way this sentence is phrased cannot work. Improper comma usage here. If you are attempting to list something, here is the correct way: "Bane, along with the sentinel droid, ALama, and the droid commandos; headed.." Emdashes can also be used as well.
 * 63) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) * "Flying to the entrance," He flew?
 * 65) **Sure did : ) --Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 66) * "Once landed, the team were encountered by Senate Commandos, who demanded Bane to surrender." Now you say "landed." However, in the previous sentence you said "Bane," but now you said it was the group who flew. Also what do you mean by "flew" and "landed"? If you are referring to the speeder, "landed" doesn't work here.
 * 67) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) *"the center for the control and distribution of power to both the Senate Building and Republic Executive Building" This cannot be sourced to "Hostage Crisis", unless it is actually mentioned in the episode. Check to episode guide too.
 * 69) * "Outside the room, they spotted a Senate commando on guard, whom they quickly targeted with their laser scopes and eliminated with their blaster rifles." Whose "they"?
 * 70) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) * "After eliminating the most of the guards with a thermal detonator," Chronologically, I don't understand what you meant here. Where were these "guards", and how did the Sentinel IG-86 droid come into contact with them.
 * 72) **Better now?--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) * Please watch your wording, this is grammatically incorrect: "This was interrupted, however, as Bane spotted a Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker in the building, and unsuccessfully attempted to shoot him." "spotted a Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker"? I have seen this recurring problem in the article before, while I was giving this article a copyedit Friday morning.
 * 74) **Oh damn...--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) * "The pair rushed to obey" "rushed to obey" seems oddly phrased. Please rephrase.
 * 76) **Better now?--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 77) * I know this falls under ; however, I have seen this occur multiple times in your articles. "As the Jedi had earlier give his lightsaber to his wife Padmé Amidala as a gift," "As" doesn't work here. In order to get a sense of chronological timeframing, you may say "Earlier".
 * 78) **Better now?--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) * "Alama then reported back to Bane, who asked about the droid, and after learning the situation, sent Sing to help Alama to capture Skywalker, in which they were successful." Improper comma usages here. Please split this sentence up.
 * 80) **Roger roger.--Kreivi Wolter 09:25, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) *Another review underway.  JangFett  (Talk) 17:19, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
 * 82) There are still many grammar errors. Not only does this fall under the "well-written" requirement under Rule 1, it also makes reviewing the article difficult, as grammar mistakes can leave the actual meaning of some things in question. Please fix these. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:30, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * If you spot a grammar error on the article, you are welcome to correct it.--Kreivi Wolter 09:31, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Please note that we are an encyclopedic site, not an English school. We should not have to correct any at all, and if you're learning from the review processes, there should not be any, either.  CC7567  (talk) 16:45, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
 * Sigh. I know you're right. Maybe I should watch more articles and learn from that.--Kreivi Wolter 19:18, October 9, 2009 (UTC)


 * Removed per AC consensus.