Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Visas Marr


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Visas Marr

 * Nomination by: Cylka  -talk- 01:04, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: It appears that one can never move too quickly.

(5 Inqs/6 Users/11 Total)
Support
 * 1) Good stuff, Cylka.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:23, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Sure, sure, win Round One, get a head start on Round 2 :P NaruHina  Talk [[Image:Anakinsolo.png|14px]] 03:20, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Why do I get the sense WP:KOTOR is gearing up for a WP:TOTJ-like run?  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:17, 23 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Good as far as I'm concerned.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:38, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 23:57, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Once again, great work on this one! 05:04, 1 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Kid Sister, Kid Sister, wherever I go, you're gonna go! Kid Sister, Kid Sister&hellip; Kid Sister and Me! ®  Graestan ( Talk ) 22:32, 6 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Objections addressed in IRC session. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:31, 7 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) It's nice to go back to FA reviewing once in a while :P DC 01:34, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:48, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) woo hoo User:Ason Trayon
 * 7) The KotORers need to go FA Jolee next, goshdarnit.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:22, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Chack Attack:
 * 2) * "The Sith Lord Darth Nihilus, one of the leaders of the Sith Triumvirate, brought devastation to the world as well as the Jedi Order, killing all organic life, yet leaving Marr alive, albeit with damaged vision." Split this, and talk about the destruction of the Order more.
 * 3) **Split and elaborated.
 * 4) * Clarify that Nihilus is this foe when first mentioning him in the body.
 * 5) **Done.
 * 6) * "Marr's first genuine encounter with the Exile left her disquieted. It had been some time since someone was concerned more for her well being than her physical state. She felt that the mercy the Exile showed not only towards her, but others as well, would serve as a weapon for her enemies. Nevertheless, impressed by the Exile's skills, Marr rediscovered hope and came to consider that perhaps the universe was not as her master had showed her, and that maybe with her help the Exile might be able to stop him. She found solace in the knowledge that her master did not understand nor see the Exile. But she cautioned that the Exile needed to understand why this was if she was to have a chance at defeating Nihilus. She refused to guide the Exile to him untested and without her potential realized, as she felt the Jedi was not yet ready to face such a threat and feared to lose her only hope. She foresaw that they would meet in the near future, however." This just seems a bit too flowery, and that it could be simplified a bit (moreso the second part of my objection).
 * 7) **It's been cut down a bit and simplified.
 * 8) * "Marr felt compelled to behold what lay beneath Nihilus's death mask in order to sever the last remaining bond between them." What was beneath it? "A man, nothing more" right?
 * 9) **Added that in.
 * 10) * At one point you pipelink Darth Traya to Kreia. I'd explain a liitle that Kreia was Traya.
 * 11) **Explanation added.
 * 12) * Intro exclusive info, when you say that she would help rebuild the Jedi Order.
 * 13) **It's in there now.
 * 14) * Context on Mira.
 * 15) **Added in.
 * 16) *Otherwise, it's excellent. Good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:32, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Addressed by Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:23, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) There's a lot of short and fragmented paragraphs here, especially in the "Powers and abilities" and "Behind the scenes" sections. Try and merge a few paragraphs, or flesh them out enough to warrant being single. The current style looks a bit too "trivia list"-like, in my opinion. This objection falls under FA rule #1. --Imperialles 12:04, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) *Addressed. Cylka  -talk- 16:05, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) What!? DC is editing the FAN page again!?
 * 21) * Why do you put (maybe consumed) right by killed? That's just speculatory.
 * 22) **Removed
 * 23) * I feel the paragraph detailing the Destruction of Katarr talks too much about the larger picture while not even mentioned Visas for most of the paragraph. Please cut down the unnecessary info.
 * 24) **I removed a bit from the paragraph, but I feel that if I remove more, too much context will be lost.
 * 25) * Why did the vision Nihilus showed her damage her eyes and Force sight?
 * 26) **It was never explained. Sources just said that the vision he showed her damaged her eyes and Force sight.
 * 27) * Watch your use of pronouns: I noticed several times where it was unclear on who you were talking about: Marr or the Exile.
 * 28) **I think I clarified it now.
 * 29) * "During their journey, she would haltingly speak of her past and the destruction of her homeworld." Use context to explain why.
 * 30) **Removed the sentence, as it wasn't necessary anyway.
 * 31) * Why do you link Youtube and use it one of the references?
 * 32) **The Youtube link was a "see also" for those who wanted to watch the cut content scene from the game, but I have removed it.
 * 33) * Is there any new info from Star Wars: The Ultimate Visual Guide?
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * In Journeys With the Exile, I'm pretty sure you can expand upon the search for the Jedi Masters, if there are any notable accomplishments or deeds Marr had.
 * 36) **She really didn't have a major role in the search, beyond the skirmish on the Ravager during the end game. Anything else would be somewhat speculative.
 * 37) *Great job. DC 18:47, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) **Thanks, DC. :-) Cylka  -talk- 00:18, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 39) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 40) * Third paragraph of "Sith apprentice" has consecutive sentences with the same source. I guess they should either have different sources or just one ref at the end of the bunch.
 * 41) **Fixed.
 * 42) * Same goes for the first paragraph of "Cut content".
 * 43) **Fixed.
 * 44) * Ref 10 (WotC website) should use the Wizards template.
 * 45) **Done.
 * 46) * Refs 16 and 18 appear to be to the same source.
 * 47) **Oops. One of them had a "see also," and I forgot to change it. Fixed now.
 * 48) * Can we get some info about her life aboard the Ravager in "Sith apprentice". Even if it's just a mention of her cell and meditation chamber.
 * 49) **Added a mention since nothing else is known.
 * 50) * "Marr's story and background was later elaborated in the six-page comic Unseen, Unheard, which was featured in Star Wars Tales 24 and the Knights of the Old Republic Campaign Guide." This reads like Unseen, Unheard was in the Campaign Guide. If that's not the case then it's missing a comma.
 * 51) **The comma was missing. Fixed now.
 * 52) * "In addition, in what was originally thought to have been cut content, the player had the option to convince Marr to sacrifice herself for the purpose of weakening Nihilus." Originally thought to have been cut content? Who thought that and why?
 * 53) **Got rid of it since it wasn't really necessary.
 * 54) * "An example of where the alignment of the player character changed the path of the game was if the Exile chose the path of the dark side&hellip;" This would read better if you established the player's ability to play either light or dark side and how this affects the plot before going into the examples.
 * 55) **I believe I explained it.
 * 56) * Could we get a brief mention of what a prestige class is for people who haven't played it.
 * 57) **Done.
 * 58) * Is the unlockable lightsaber the same one that she used against the Exile when they met? If so, say so.
 * 59) **Hasn't been established, and I added that to the article.
 * 60) * The "Romance" section could use a quick mention of the Exile being confirmed as female, making that the canon bit and relegating the male stuff to BTS.
 * 61) **Canonicity explained.
 * 62) *Good work. Got me wanting to play the game again. Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:31, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 63) **Thanks for the review, GT. Cylka  <font color=#00A693>-talk- 01:03, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
 * 64) *From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 65) * "Marr's return to the light side following her defeat at the hands of the Exile allowed her to continue training as a Jedi Sentinel,[8] which served to extend her knowledge of lightsaber combat" This requires the 100% game completion, light side assumption, no?
 * 66) **I'm actually not sure about this. Marr is listed as a Sentinel in  Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords: Prima Official Game Guide, and she trains as a Sentinel irregardless of whether the player is DS or LS. The player has to use Marr once in the game, so that means she has to level up at least once, and the player has no control over her class. She starts out as a Sentinel. However, if you feel it is necessary, I can add the templates in.
 * 67) ***Ah, duh. One of the two characters in the party who starts with Jedi levels. XD Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:22, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) * Some of the cut content "Romance" paragraphs could be combined.
 * 69) **Done.
 * 70) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:40, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) **Thanks for the review, Ataru. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 16px"><font color=#008080>Cylka  <span style="font-family: times, cursive; font-size: 13px"><font color=#00A693>-talk- 23:07, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

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