Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Muura


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Muura

 * Nominated by:--Darth Niffoc 01:03, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:A pretty good article for a character who shows up for relatively ten seconds in the SW Universe.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support > JangFett  Talk 23:02, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 04:27, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good work.  JangFett  Talk 01:13, 10 July 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 00:37, 11 July 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 04:19, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) Fett
 * 2) * Expand the intro
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) ***A intro is a short summary of the article. You just added a few words to make that one sentence in the intro become a run-on. Still needs expanding.
 * 5) ****Addressed
 * 6) *****"Muura was a female Keshiri who was skilled in the many arts, ways, and emotions of her people and was attendant to the Sith Tyro Vestara Khai, who Muura often praised for her beauty, in 41 ABY." Sligh run-on. Split the sentences up and add-on to them a little.
 * 7) ******Addressed.....
 * 8) *******Much better. I'll review the P&T soon.
 * 9) * "She was the attendant to Vestara Khai, the only daughter of Gavar and Lahka Khai, and would pore over making her beautiful and would praise her for her beauty even as Vestara thought her normality and plainness outshone her in that area." Run-on
 * 10) **Addressed
 * 11) * P&T- "She was confused by the sadness in the house as Vestara left and as her father approached her to tell her she would not be needed as Vestara's attendant anymore, as Vestara would be living in the Sith Temple." Run-on
 * 12) **Addressed
 * 13) * "Muura stood about six inches shorter than the 14 year old Vestara and had a slight lilting accent." Can you reword to make it less colloquial?
 * 14) **Hopefully addressed
 * 15) ***No, I see that you added "Standing about six inches shorter than a regular human teenage girl". Less colloquial.
 * 16) ***Your describing the way she looks, and this should go into the P&T. "Standing about six inches shorter than a regular human teenage girl, Muura, like many of her race, had soft purple skin and a lilting accent that had stayed with many of the Keshiri even after thousands of years spent with humans."
 * 17) ****Addressed
 * 18) *****I'm crossing this for now. I'll go into more detail when I review the P&T.
 * 19) * P&T- "She was confused by the sadness in the house as Vestara left and as her father approached her to tell her she would not be needed as Vestara's attendant anymore, as Vestara would be living in the Sith Temple." Improper English, slight run-on.
 * 20) **Addressed
 * 21) * Can you look up a quote for her biography?
 * 22) **Addressed
 * 23) * "Muura was seen as part of the Khai family and an equal, but a servant none the less." Improper English.
 * 24) **Addressed
 * 25) *<span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) **I'll give it another review later. <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) Floyd:
 * 2) *Before I even start, this isn't 250 words. It's currently stands at 230.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 04:45, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) Fett ' s second look
 * 5) * P&T-"Standing about six inches shorter than a regular human teenage girl, Muura, like many of her race, had soft purple skin and a lilting accent that had stayed with many of the Keshiri even after thousands of years spent with humans." Less colloquial, and it's a run-on. Try to describe her, but don't compare. It's rather redundant that your explaining about her species rather than herself.
 * 6) **Addressed
 * 7) * "Muura happily put up with her mistress' unhappiness at the marring scar on her face, unendingly praising Vestara's beauty." Context on mistress. "put up" and "happily" need to be less colloquial.
 * 8) **Addressed
 * 9) * "The Keshiri girl, like many of her people, was plainly dressed and was pristine—even beautiful by human standards." Mention this eariler. It is redundant that you explain the way she looks in the first sentence in the P&T, and then you go about and explain it again with different words later on. Try to merge this with the first sentence, but split them up to avoid a run-on. "Human Standards"? What are the human standards? Remove.
 * 10) **Addressed
 * 11) * "Muura adorned Vestara's skin with these ancient markings, particularly a delicate dalsa flower, on the morning that Khai would become a Sith apprentice under Lady Rhea." Improper English. What ancient markings? You describe what these "ancient markings are" but then it doesn't connect with the next part of this sentence. It sounds like you're saying "She adorned Vestara's skin with these ancient marking on the morning that Khai would become a Sith apprentice." Try to reword this sentence and add context to characters you introduce again in the P&T, like Khai. This sentence needs to flow better.
 * 12) **I hope that's better...addressed
 * 13) * "Vestara's father approached Muura to tell her she would not be needed as Vestara's attendant anymore, as Vestara would be living in the Sith Temple." This doesn't belong in the P&T. Try to merge this in the bio.
 * 14) **Addressed
 * 15) * More to come <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) From the Council Chambers:
 * 2) * "Muura would fawn over Vestara, praising her beauty even as Vestara thought Muura's normality and plainness outshone her own attractiveness. Muura was confused by the sadness in the house as Vestara left for the Temple." The jump from one thought to another here is quite jarring. Try adding some detail about her decorating Vestara prior to leaving.
 * 3) *&mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:44, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **Hopefully addressed...
 * 5) The Grand Master
 * 6) * I just checked Omen, and nowhere in the novel could I find anything that stated even implicitly that Muura "was skilled in the many arts, ways, and emotions of her people". If you can find a passage that backs this sentence up, could you please let me know; otherwise, this information will have to be removed.
 * 7) **I hope this works
 * 8) ***I'm afraid you misunderstand. I can't find anything in the novel that says that Muura was skilled in the arts, ways, and emotions of her people. Unless you can point out to me where it states this; and prove that this is not just an assumption, then it must be removed.
 * 9) ****Alright, that should work, arts being vor'shandi markings if that helps any. If not I will get rid of the last few words that I left.
 * 10) *****What I meant is that you cannot prove this information. It is not stated anywhere in the novel that she was skilled in anything other than braiding hair and making vor'shandi markings, both of which you mention later. I have gone ahead and removed this.
 * 11) * Also, I can't find anything in Omen that mentions that the Khai family saw Muura as an equal. Unless you can point out a specific occurance, this is OR, and must also be removed.
 * 12) **Addressed
 * 13) * Make sure there is no other redendant repetition of info between the P&t and bio. For example: you mention how Muura praised Vestara for her beauty in the bio and the P&t; this should probably be moved to just the P&t. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 15:52, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **I am not exactly sure what to do with this request, as both paragraphs flow better with the information already put forth. In the Bio I use this information to say that though plain Vestara found Muura more attractive.  In the P&t I explain moreover her personality that is shown in the novel.
 * 15) ***The point is that some of this information is out of place; the example I provided should be placed in just the P&t. I have gone ahead and fixed these. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:35, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Ah...I see, I figured I could do something like that....Oh well, thanks anyway.
 * 17) One more question: where does it say in Omen that Gavar approached Muura to tell her she would no longer be needed as Vestara's attendant. I don't see this anywhere in the novel, either.  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 23:01, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Ha, this feels strangely like deja'vu(or however), no it does not say he tells her this, just that he approaches her. Hopefully I have fixed this.
 * 1) Please somehow merge the first two sentences of the intro. They're too choppy.  CC7567  (talk) 00:30, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *There that should work as long as it's not a run-on, otherwise this could get complicated.--Darth Niffoc 18:40, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * After looking over the objections, I must say in some what my own defense that when I say she shows up for relatively 10 seconds, I mean it. Also she only says two lines in the whole book, so adding another quote sort of hard.  So I have to wonder, have you actually read Omen?--Darth Niffoc 15:37, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Regardless if any of the objectors have read the book, you still need to adhere to the GAN requirements. Rule 17 clearly states that any GAN needs to be 250 words, which this article is not. The amount of time that she appears in the book is irrelevant: if she can't get over 250 words, she shouldn't be here. If there isn't enough information for her to meet the word requirement, then she isn't eligible for a GAN.  CC7567  (talk) 16:06, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Also, please note that it's not required for objectors to be familiar with the media the article's subject appears in. None of the objections so far appear out of line, and none of them are related to the content of the book, aside from those about the article's length. It's up to you to decide whether or not adding another quote would be suitable, but that should not be based on how hard it is to find it.  CC7567  (talk) 16:16, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I would first like to apologize for my above statement as it now seems to me rude and unneeded. And furthermore I have also fixed at least a few of the problems above (if not created more) and hope it is more suitable to the required formats of this site.--Darth Niffoc 16:39, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Make sure you "address" the objections above.  JangFett  Talk 17:03, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * This is probably going to sound pretty sad, but I haven't been here all that long, so I must inquire what exactly does "adressing" objections imply??--Darth Niffoc 17:35, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Let me elaborate. Most people on Wook tend to post "Fix", "Addressed" or simple comments after they look over the objection and corrected what needs to be fix in the article. i.e., I said "Expand the intro" as an objection. You then need to place #**Addressed or whatever comment you like to say, below the objection. Once you address it, the person who wrote the objection will look over the nominator's correction and then either strike the objection or elaborate more on what needs to be fixed, if the nominator didn't correct it well enough.  JangFett  Talk 18:33, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * I would just like it to be known that I will be out of contact for about a week (until somewhere around the first of August), just in case anything relevant, like an objection, occurs here.--Darth Niffoc 03:26, 26 July 2009 (UTC)