Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Pythea

Pythea

 * Nominated by: ''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 19:22, August 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: I nominated it for CA, but through editing it grew past 250 words, so here I am. :P

Object
Michiel

Copied from the CA-nom. Some New Ones: That's all from me. $Michiel$ 10:09, August 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Type out the entire name for the Yuuzhan Vong, just Vong is an insult.
 * You're missing a few links:
 * "ship" needs to be linked to starship in the History section and infobox. (in the first sentence)
 * "obliterated" can link to that battle, Battle of Arbeloa's species planet (first sentence)
 * "killed" to death. (boarding party sentence)
 * "individual" to Dulac. (last sentence)
 * "recieved" is misspelled in the first sentence: received.
 * Intro can be expanded.
 * Double use of fleet in "fleet's trajectory of the fleet." And place a comma before the following "than."
 * From the comic I got the impression the Yuuzhan Vong cought up with the Pythia, rather than the Pythia going back to them. They rerouted the Pythea's power to send the message to Artorias, which is how the Yuuzhan Vong cought up, so maybe add that instead.
 * Looks like I misread it, they do fly towards the fleet. The part of rerouting the power is still missing though.
 * Maybe add another sentence on the contact with Artorias. Right now it reads like they just sent a warning, while in fact they had a conversation with the Yuuzhan Vong spy.
 * "Vong ships penetrated the hull and began to board the ship." Specify that Yuuzhan Vong warriors boarded the ship, now it sounds like the Vong ships did.
 * "sealing the fate for both ships" is a bit ambigious, just say they were both destroyed.
 * The Bts could be expanded. Explain how the Pythia first appeared online and how the comics were then collected in Invasion 0, and if/how the Pythea's appearance was expanded in it.
 * There are two different references for Invasion 0, Part 1.
 * Last sentence needs capitalization.
 * You might want to add some more on how the Artorians were completely surprised by the attack.
 * Added more to the sentence.
 * You can probably make this it's own sentence, now it just seems a bit tagged on. Also, the message and the spy didn't set the stage for the battle, but is related more to the fact that Artorias was unaware of it, so make that the main focus. $Michiel$ 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:55, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Add a quote. I'd suggest "This is the exploratory ship...from our scanners" but feel free to chose another.
 * I've added "This is the exploratory ship..." in the beginning, and "Tear their arms off" later.
 * Don't forget to place «...» around Sarkkin's parts to indicate he isn't speaking Basic, and you've misspelled Wookie(e) .$Michiel$ 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Done.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:55, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * The quotation signs need to be removed around Sarkkin's parts, but I can't really find a template for four lines of text which does this. Template messages/Quotes seems to have a maximum of three lines. $Michiel$ 18:24, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * You don't have to link entire clauses, one word is enough. "Had obliterated" can be linked on just "obliterated" and "the only individual..." to "individual."
 * Done.
 * The intro doesn't say how the message was relayed. First it says the Pythea was too far away and at the end it says the receiver was a Yuuzhan Vong.
 * I've addded more on that in the intro, but it still might not be enough.
 * Yes, you can add some more on what they did to be able to send the message.$Michiel$ 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * I've added more.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:55, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * You don't have to place a reference directly after "In 25 ABY."
 * Removed.
 * Maybe add something more about the ship's owners. Their species for example.
 * Added.
 * Just needs another comma after Chiss in the first sentence. $Michiel$ 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Comma added.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:55, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Remove the space before the second reference, it needs to come directly after the sentence.

A few more:
 * Intro:
 * You can remove "on Artorias" in the final sentence. You've already said the message was sent to Artorias.
 * "The Pythea sacrificed itself...experimenting upon them." You've got both "itself" and "them" referring to the same subject. Use something like "Panha and Sarkkin sacrificed themselves by ramming the Pythia..."
 * Done both--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:55, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * History:
 * "upon the it" remove "the."
 * "would be wasted" sounds a bit POV, use "for nothing" or "in vain" or something like that.
 * Done both.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:55, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Don't forget to sign when you comment, I almost overlooked it. That's all for now. $Michiel$ 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well done, I've made a few minor edits as well. $Michiel$ 18:24, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Xd1358

 * One unsourced item in the infobox.
 * Sourced--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:57, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * Cut down on the intro. It's more than half of the history.
 * What can I "cut down"? The part about the the boarding?--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:57, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * That's up to you to decide. Try reading it and take out everything that isn't vital to the ship. Remember that the intro is a summary of the body. -- 1358  (Talk) 18:32, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * I have just considerably cut down the intro and changed the wording slightly to make it more aproriate.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 02:38, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Intro: Artorias needs some small context; planet would be sufficient.
 * Done--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 16:57, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll read the rest of it after you have fixed these. -- 1358  (Talk) 12:25, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Cav

 * As per the Layout guide, the article needs a "Description" section and a "Commanders and crew" section. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 08:13, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thank you, I have added them.--''' Bonslywizard Trade Federation Symbol.jpg( Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal! ) 23:22, September 3, 2010 (UTC)