Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."

How to vote:

Also remember to add Nominated at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 5) Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.

(1 Inq/1 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Major issues listed here have been addressed. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Could still transition better, but nicely done. I'm confident that other reviews will improve this prose further.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 17 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *You've done a nice job, Yrfeloran, making some major additions to this article. Unfortunately, it's still quite a ways away from being up to FA standards. Without even reading through, I pick up on the following problems:
 * 3) * The infobox must be completely sourced, as does the succession box at the bottom of the page.
 * 4) **Done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Complete sourcing includes sourcing the "Era(s)" field. I've done this for you, but please source this next time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:44, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Any quotes within the article must go at the beginning of sections, after the subhead, not in the middle of paragraphs.
 * 7) **Most of those were residual old paragraphs - done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *The entire article is little more than 1-2 sentence paragraphs summarizing events. While I'm certainly not a huge prequel trilogy fan, having never read the majority of these sources, this tells me that you've done just that, quickly generalizing important topics while skipping out on juicy details. Featured Articles must be comprehensive, not only including material from all relevant sources, but also detailing that information to a great degree. An article like Dooku, for as much information is out there on him, should have dozens of paragraphs several sentences in length. It's just too thin right now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:50, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ** There was a formatting issue with some prior authors' styles, which I've now fixed. It now "looks better". As for actual content, there have been significant expansions and section mergings. Dooku's article over the period of the movies was probably more in-depth than recently re-FAd Grievous, for instance, even before I revamped it. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) LtNOWIS
 * 11) * Image:Quarren league.jpg, Image:DookuVSGrievous.jpg, and Image:DookuBTS.jpg need more specific sources. The Clone Wars shots need to specify which episodes, and the databank shot needs a link to the page it's from. -LtNOWIS 10:19, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Muuuuuurgh helped with this. Thanks, Muuuuuurgh! Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 14) * Needs a longer and more comprehensive intro.
 * 15) ** Intro has been expanded somewhat. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I won't get specific, but it's way too light on detail. Most of the article is just short paragraph, then a new section.
 * 17) *This can be brought to FA, but it will take a lot of time and commitment. If you can do it, I commend you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:30, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) More stuff from me:
 * 19) * Both Sith Apprentice and Leaving the Order have paragrpahs that are no more than one or two sentences. Combine sentences in those sections or expand them.
 * 20) **Combination and expansion done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Combine the sections Jedi confrontation and successful escape.
 * 22) **Done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * You link way too much. Link onc ein the intro and then once in the body.
 * 24) **This was kind of inevitable, since the original article was overlinked and additions were made piecemeal. I think I've pruned about all of them Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * De-link the quote in Endgame.
 * 26) **Done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Remove the sentence about Quinlan Vos in the Legacy section.
 * 28) **done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *I am very impressed with what you've done so far. Keep up the good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:48, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) From the legal pad scrawling of Atarumaster88
 * 31) * Lot of short paragraphs need fleshed out or combined with others.
 * 32) **I've done a fair bit of this. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * I'd say remove some of the shorter sections by combining them with others also.
 * 34) ** And a lot of section combining Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * Compare your appearances/sources list to the reference list. A quick check reveals no information from the following:
 * 36) ** Star Wars: Battlefront
 * 37) ** Some of those HoloNet news.
 * 38) ** Boba Fett: Crossfire
 * 39) ** Republic 49.
 * 40) ** Legacy of the Jedi
 * 41) ** And I'm sure there are more.
 * 42) ***Most of those were actually there - Legacy was ref'd 8 times, Crossfire and 49 were there but cited as Fight to Survive and 50. I did some expansion on the HNN stuff and added Battlefront. Yrfeloran 03:00, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) *Needs a non-canon appearance section. (Ugh)
 * 44) **I'm probably going to need help with this one. I've got the bare bones of one up. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***I see most of them done. Is there additional information in the LEGO video games that's not there yet? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) * Properly reference all Clone Wars cartoon series references by chapter.
 * 47) **Done for all IU refs Yrfeloran 03:35, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) *It's a lot better than it was, but still will need work, as others have already said. Feel free to drop by WP:NEGTC for additional help, though, or my talk page. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:27, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) From the full-fledged desk of Atarumaster88
 * 50) * Dooku's role in Jedi:Shaak Ti could use mention.
 * 51) **OK, it's got a mention Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 52) * Same thing with Republic 54.
 * 53) **Somebody who's read this in the past year definitely needs to double-check, but added. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 54) * I'm not seeing any information from the Shadowfeed.
 * 55) **Added Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) ***<There are three or four Shadowfeed appearances in the appearance list, but only 1 reference that I saw. Did you get them all?
 * 57) ****There's one trivial one, and the fragment of a Fete day address that doesn't have much content besides "we're awesome, Republic sucks" Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 58) * Mention Dooku's role in the Battle of Jabiim.
 * 59) **mentioned Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 60) * Check also Republic 59, 60, and 61. I forget whether those have key mentions.
 * 61) ** They don't, but I added 64 Yrfeloran 00:58, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * Yoda's lesson to Dooku in EGTTF might be good P&T material.
 * 63) ** I was thinking about doing that, but it's hard to wedge it in. He's like 7, too. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) ***Added an oblique mention in Childhood Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) * Your EGTTF refs, at least, are all off and are seemingly removing content from the article.There's a sentence or two missing from his tutelage under Cerulian. When you reference, your first reference to a source should like like, but your subsequent references should only include to avoid errors. And also, the field of , the blah part is just a placeholder and so you can abbreviate to shorten the code, just keep it understandable.
 * 66) **The Thame stuff was due to a different malformed reference that I fixed. I'll trim some of these as I come across them, but with the amount of paragraph merging/etc. going around it is really useful as an editor in this particular situation to have more than one ref linked. Also "blah" should be full source name per Layout Guide, which I agree with. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) ***Heh, I stand corrected. Though the use of abbreviated referencing is sorta common. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ****Yeah, there's some legacy ones on the Dooku page, but on an article this size when you're editing a section at a time it's a -massive- pain to look up what the page's nickname of the source you want is. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) * All your references have the same error, it appears.
 * 70) * " Though Dooku's behavior and beliefs as a Jedi had previously been within the scope of Jedi orthodoxy,[1] there is evidence that in the period before he left the Order he flirted with the belief that the dark side of the Force could be called upon without personal corruption.[17]." This sentence is OOU and should be rewritten to conform with the MoS. At the very least, the tense is wrong.
 * 71) **Fixed I guess. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) * Lot of short sentences in the last paragraph of "Leaving the Order".
 * 73) **Made some a little longer? Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 74) * Need context on Palpatine. His double identity as Darth Sidious is not discussed, and the casual reader may not be awareof that.
 * 75) **Added this. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 76) * OOU/tense issues with this: "It is suspected that Dooku himself did this, but it is unclear how he accomplished it." also. Recall that EGTTF is an IU publication, if that helps.
 * 77) ** Fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) * Jumps back and forth about his Sith status. He's supposed to be a Sith Lord in "Sith apprentice" but his Sith training is still ongoing during the Bando Gora episode. Clarify please.
 * 79) ** Noncontradictory. One becomes an apprentice first, then learns Sith stuff. See Vader. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 80) ***You have him listed as a "fully-fledged Sith Lord", not as a Sith apprentice, and then went on to later discuss his training.
 * 81) **** OK, removed the adjective Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 82) * 2nd paragraph of "Moving the pieces" could use a more varied sentence syntax.
 * 83) **fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 84) * "To the surprise of both parties, Dooku himself was present". Present where? Needs more context.
 * 85) ** Added context Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 86) * More context needed on initial mention of Vos and Secura.
 * 87) ** Added a little bit here. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 88) * More context needed on Ansion's alliances and Dooku's manipulations there.
 * 89) ** Added Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 90) * "The Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi then traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there, and also discovered the clone army that Dooku had once ordered. This army was now fully grown and ready for action." Condense this, but give some more context in general on Episode II. The Jedi rescue force in particular.
 * 91) ** OK, did a little more context.
 * 92) * Be specific about some Episode II details. List the factions involved in the CIS. List the creatures in the arena.
 * 93) ** Done, though the CIS stuff inevitably comes across as a little listy.
 * 94) * In general, it is not advisable to use the first names of characters. A few exceptions might include major characters, but not, say, Zam Wesell.
 * 95) ** OK Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) * More detail on arena battle and Dooku's role in it.
 * 97) ** Uh, OK, added that he watched from the balcony :P Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 98) * 2nd para of "The clones attack" is all short sentences.
 * 99) ** fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 100) * "spectacular duel" is POV.
 * 101) ** fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 102) * Sev'rance Tann's role in Dooku's escape from Geonosis, as well as the Dark Acolytes blocking Windu in their tanks should be mentioned.
 * 103) ** Like Padme falling out of the gunship, I don't think this is really directly relevant to Dooku's article. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 104) ***I'll accept the explanation on the tanks, but I think Sev'rance Tann's role as the chief commander of the droid armies could use some explanation, and that ties in well with her role in helping Dooku escape. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) ****I added a little more context with Tann in the proper section. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) *You're about halfway to my ending catchphrase, but I think there's plenty here for now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) " Even as the Separatist movement grew and coalesced around Dooku as a leader, the Jedi Council did not believe he could be behind the violence.[24] although he". I think your reference is eating some of your text here.
 * 108) **fixed Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 109) * 3 short paragraphs in "A new ally" could use merging.
 * 110) ** I did a little bit of addition, but I think merging those paragraphs would hurt more than it'd help Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 111) * More context needed on "Sidious said that it did not matter either way.".
 * 112) ** Added Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 113) * This is related to above, but Tann's role and actions are never explained properly in relation to Dooku.
 * 114) **Tried to address this Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 115) * Again, check your linking. A lot of things are overlinked, but don't worry too much about it; that can be corrected automatically.
 * 116) * The first name thing is fine with say, Anakin and Obi-Wan as long as it's not overrused, but certainly not with minor characters. Nothing you haven't seen before. ;-)
 * 117) ** I'll fix it as I go, but not for, say, Tallisibeth Enwandung-Esterhazy Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 118) ***Spoilsport. :-P Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) * Just a general suggestion: Try reading the article aloud to see how it flows. Parts of it don't read that well, and a few small tweaks would fix those.
 * 120) * The section title "Miscellaneous villainy" needs reworded. Dare I say it doesn't sound encyclopediac?
 * 121) **Unencyclopediac...but -so- true. OK, reworded. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 122) * These two don't flow well together: "Droids planted charges on the planet and prepared for detonation. The Separatist-allied inhabitents of Viidaav would have also been killed."
 * 123) **Reworded whole section Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 124) * "Miscellaneous villainy" has a large number of short paragraphs and the content is disjointed. Let the prose flow within you.
 * 125) **It's hard. Mostly random CWA stuff. Gave it a shot Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 126) * Short paragraphs in meeting on Vjun.
 * 127) **Did some work there. Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 128) *" She had previously been defeated and humiliated by Anakin Skywalker on Coruscant.[61] However, a Republic fleet arrived before the process was completed." These two have no tie-in, and don't flow well together either.
 * 129) **Added more context Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 130) * Last paragraph on Saleucami needs more context, or give background on the battle more towards the beginning. Either way.
 * 131) **done Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 132) * "Sidious also ordered Grievous to attack Coruscant and simultaneously to the Separatist assault on Tythe." Clarify this sentence.
 * 133) **did so Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 134) * "General Grievous was unaware that his hapless captive was also the feared mastermind behind the Confederation. Dooku arrived on the Invisible Hand and took charge of the prisoner." These two sentences don't flow well together.
 * 135) **Tried to segue better Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 136) * Link the Invisible Hand.
 * 137) **It was linked in the first mention Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 138) * Link to the saber forms and even provide some context on them if you feel it would be good.
 * 139) **I'd prefer not to, having just rescued the article from an unhealthy obsession with Makashi. I have some in the lightsaber training section, but it needs to stay out of the ROTS fight or else it will morph into "Ataru beat Makashi" instead of "Anakin beat Dooku". Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 140) ***Fair enough. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:35, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 141) *" In a burst of power, Anakin overpowered Dooku". The power of the sentence is a mite overwhelming.
 * 142) **did some rewording Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 143) * Remove the section header "Revelation". It's unnecessary and interrupts the events on Invisible Hand
 * 144) **OK....I did this, but I'm not sure I'm happy with it. Lose "Kill him now" quote, for one. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 145) * Redlinks. Waaaay too many.
 * 146) **Down to three now Yrfeloran 04:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 147) *Keep working on it. Chances are that this'll go through a couple more reviews, but don't give up; this has potential. Have a Super Terrific Friendly-Unfrustrating Day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 148) From the squalid cublicle of Graestan (Part One):
 * 149) * Abbreviating the ref names would be most helpful in an article of such scope.
 * 150) **I abbreviated prime offender Essential Guide to the Force, but most everything else is linked only a few times. Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 151) *More thorough and consistent linking is desired.
 * 152) *POV-ish statements abound. "Legendary" and "vastly overmatched" in particular. I suggest going over the article, seeking out anything that isn't inherently neutral or makes value judgments not specifically established by canon.
 * 153) *It's pretty thoroughly established precedent in featured articles that aside from a few whole-name mentions, last names are to be used except in instances of multiple individuals mentioned in the article having the same last name. Please look through and change accordingly; I've already done a bit of Jinning Qui-Gons.
 * 154) **FWIW, for main characters, IMO, such as Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, etc. it's permissible to use first names provided it's not overly done. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 155) ***Who says? You? I had a round-and-round debate with about ten users that told me otherwise a few months ago. I'm sticking with their consensus that I wasn't a part of. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 156) ****Heh, well, I'd talked to Greyman and Toprawa about it for Wormhead, and they said that using "Luke" instead of constantly stating "Skywalker" was okay. Perhaps we should come to a better understanding on this issue at the next Inq meeting. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 157) * "Building from this foundation" doesn't really sit well with me.
 * 158) **I've rephrased this whole section Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 159) * Calling Cerulian a historian and then stating that his interests were in history is a bit redundant.
 * 160) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 161) * "Historically knowledgeable and politically apt" implies that he had a history of being knowledgeable and was apt for political reasons. Please rephrase; a shame, that was a pretty one.
 * 162) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 163) * "Dooku and Qui-Gon were forced to surrender to the pirates when Colicoid Eradicator droids threatened the factory's child workers, and were injected with toxins that paralyzed them and rendered them unconscious." – Clarify who has what done. Also, give a little explanation of motivations.
 * 164) **The scene itself is a little confusing - it's unclear who they surrendered too, and it's unclear who injected the, I did some cleanup Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 165) *More later. Thanks for your time. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:53, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 166) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan (Part Two):
 * 167) *"one of the only ones" – Yuck; reword, please.
 * 168) * Vosa was his second Padawan, not a second Padawan, which would be a no-no. Please revise.
 * 169) **Cleaned up, though I daresay you could have fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 170) ***Actually, was asking for clarity. She could have been a second without my knowing it. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 171) * "This was in a way the truth" steps a bit too far out of the universe for comfort.
 * 172) **Fixed. See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 173) * Explain that the Death Watch are Mandalorians.
 * 174) **Got it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 175) *The transition from Galidraan to Baltizaar, then back to Galidraan is a bit rough. Can this be rearranged?
 * 176) * No setup for Maul?
 * 177) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 178) * Was his bust in the Archives before or after he left? Please clarify.
 * 179) **Clarified Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 180) *It is stated twice that Dooku retired to Serenno and so forth.
 * 181) *An explanation for Sifo-Dyas's order with the Kaminoans is required. Why, who it was for, etc.
 * 182) **There's...not much I can do with this. Sifo-Dyas's motivations are still entirely unclear. It's a fuzzy, confused area of canon that makes very little plot sense. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 183) ***Not even that it was speculated that he foresaw some need, and that the order was for the Republic? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 184) * No mention of the Dagobah system's deletion?
 * 185) **Sure, threw it in. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 186) * Establish what the Deep Core is.
 * 187) **Done Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 188) * Okay, I demand either an Equipment section or at least a longer mention of the solar sailer in the bio. Also, Geonosian sailing vessels? Are we talking in space, or on Geonosis's as-yet-unseen seas?
 * 189) **Added some stuff Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 190) * "ex-Mandalorians" – This can't be worded right. Aren't they Mandalorian by culture, not so much affiliation?
 * 191) **Fixed Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 192) ***For what it's worth, I think the term "ex-Mandalorian" is used in Legacy: Noob. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 193) *No setup for Nat Secura.
 * 194) **Touched this up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 195) *"of the &hellip; of the" in the next paragraph reads awkwardly.
 * 196) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 197) *"While gathering support for secession from the Republic" – This has literally no context whatsoever.
 * 198) *It should be explained why Sidious was interested in Sheelal.
 * 199) *What personal grievance against the Huks? This reads something like a teaser; please go into some detail.
 * 200) *No mention of when and why Grievous took up his name.
 * 201) *Honestly, I'd rewrite the Grievous section. It needs to read a bit more like a story.
 * 202) *More later. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:18, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 203) From the Family-sized Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 204) *I've made a good way through the article, fixing up some things doing a first-run copyedit. Here are some other thoughts within the Biography section, divided by subsection&hellip;
 * 205) *Childhood:
 * 206) **"However, Lorian Nod was jealous of Dooku being chosen as a Padawan before him, and stole a Sith holocron from the quarters of Thame Cerulian." By linking these sentences you are saying that there is a connection between Nod's jealousy and him stealing the holocron. If this is the case, state what the connection is. Otherwise, sever the sentences.
 * 207) ***It's Jude Watson logic. I did some more expansion there. Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 208) **Nothing precedes the next sentence stating that Nod was caught. If added as an introductory clause, you will have to restructure this sentence.
 * 209) ***Expanded stuff Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 210) **Did Nod and Dooku become bitter enemies before or after they went before the council? Something seems out of order here; though, this may be cleared up if it is stated that (and how, if possible) Nod was caught.
 * 211) ***see above Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 212) **"His teacher sat on the Jedi Council, and was a keen historian, even inquiring into the history of the Sith." I'm not quite sure why this sentence is here or its overall relevance. It could simply be stated above that Cerulian sat on the Council by working it into his initial introduction, unless he was not seated on it by that time. Does the fact that Cerulian inquired into the Sith play a role for Dooku somehow? If not, I would strongly advise that this not be included.
 * 213) **I suggest combining the last two paragraphs into one, with the first beginning "Even under the tutelage of Cerulian, Master Yoda&hellip;" Then, the current location of this similar clause would become "With the combined influences of his Master and others, Dooku became&hellip;"
 * 214) *Knight and Master:
 * 215) **Link to Lorian Nod's headquarters.
 * 216) **"Dooku acted as a teacher to Jinn, not a friend, and the two drifted apart in later years." Later years implies that they drifted as they both got 'old and gray.' I remember reading that they gradually drifted apart over the years but that it began almost immediately after Jinn was knighted. If I am correct in remembering this, you might want to reword this sentence.
 * 217) **"The Council soon agreed that his skills made him well suited for such field work." Soon? I don't follow; don't think this word belongs in there.
 * 218) *Galidraan:
 * 219) **The subsection title isn't all that descriptive and doesn't really encompass all that is covered in this subsection. I would encourage a change, though others might not see the need to do so.
 * 220) **Komari Vosa isn't mentioned until the Galidraan subsection, but I believe should be mentioned in the subsection prior. Possibly, you could simply include it right after the "Old Guard" sentence. Unless, of course, Vosa was taken as a Padawan when the uprising began. Any other information you can add on Vosa and Dooku's reaction/thoughts toward/reasons for taking/etc. would be very useful in the relocated area.
 * 221) **"This was partially true, as he had hired Jango Fett and his followers, the True Mandalorians, to eliminate his own enemies, and was now working with Fett's enemy Vizsla and the Mandalorian splinter faction known as the Death Watch to destroy Fett and his faction." Very heavily this reads. This should be broken up into two, possibly three sentences.
 * 222) **"Dooku submitted a protest to the Jedi Council after Baltizaar, arguing that the Council was wasting Jedi lives for political reasons." Expand.
 * 223) ***IIRC, that's about all the information provided from EGTTF. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 224) *Leaving the Order:
 * 225) **"He was the last former Jedi Master to be counted among the Lost Twenty, and a bronzium bust of him was created to join the other sculptures of the Lost in the Jedi Archives." So, he was already one of the "Lost Twenty" before he left the Order? Reword and clarify.
 * 226) *Sith apprentice:
 * 227) **"Shortly after Dooku left the Order, Master Sifo-Dyas ordered a clone army in secret from the planet Kamino." There is a syntax error somewhere in there that makes the "in secret" part not work. Which are you considering secret or secretive?
 * 228) ***Think I fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 229) **"Information about secret Jedi hyperspace routes through the Deep Core region in the center of the galaxy were also stolen." Stolen or erased? Double check this. If you can confirm this as stolen, do not use "also" as it implies that these things had the same done to them. Rather, use "In addition", or "Additionally," at the head of the sentence.
 * 230) ***I'll do this later, but yes, stolen. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 231) ****Ok. I remembered it incorrectly. Nevertheless, I would change the head of the sentence as suggested per it being stolen.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 232) *****Touched up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 233) *Moving the pieces
 * 234) **"On a mission to the planet Geonosis, on Sidious's behalf, he impressed Archduke Poggle the Lesser with his knowledge of ancient Geonosian atmospheric sailing vessels and was presented with a Punworcca 116-class interstellar sloop." You should separate the ship presentation from the rest of the sentence.
 * 235) **"Dooku's Sith training was soon interrupted by Sidious with an urgent matter." Earlier in the last section it is mentioned that Dooku was under instruction of Sidious, but this is an overt statement about training. What training? It is not clearly mentioned earlier and should be if he was in fact "training" in the ways of the dark side of the Force. Expand.
 * 236) ***Sidious mentions he's interrupting Dooku's training in Bounty Hunter, but we never directly see the training itself, though Dooku very vaguely refers to it in Labyrinth of Evil Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 237) ****If it is that strongly referred to, it merits a mention. We may not see it, but if it is stated, then it would be a far statement to say that it occurred.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 238) **"Dooku had previously encountered Vosa in her new identity and allowed her to live as an experiment, but now Sidious commanded her death." If she was seen or encountered earlier, she should probably be mentioned earlier. Expand.
 * 239) ***Heh! More events only known about from Bounty Hunter dialogue. Very vague paraphrase from memory: Sidious:"You didn't kill her the last time you met. Why?" Dooku: *shifty* "An experiment." Sidious: "The experiment has failed. I want her dead." No more details than that. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 240) ****I'd reword the sentence then to say something along the lines of "Even though Dooku did not divulge his reasoning, he kept Vosa alive as an 'experiment'." (Single quotes would become double quotes in the text. In this instance, something to this effect covers all the bases – tweaks in wording give the reader the knowledge that nothing more can be found on this topic.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 241) *A pair of miscellaneous thoughts:
 * 242) **Yes, this is only the first part, but do not be discouraged. Many, many authors have had their hands in the text since it has been created and you are doing a nice job ironing it out as best as possible. I commend you for this.
 * 243) **If you cite something at the end of a compound sentence, it is etiquette to make certain that both parts of the sentence are from that source. If not, cite the other source after the comma and before the conjunction. If the sentence isn't compound, try to avoid mid-sentence citations unless you are listing things out.
 * 244) *Keep up the good work and I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:12, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Former featured article. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I am happy to see someone tackle this and I would encourage you, Yrfeloran, to hack away at it. For what it's worth, I recall (several months ago) noticing that numerous chunks of fanon and fan speculation had made their way into this article, so as the revision process continues, I'd recommend proceeding suspiciously, never assuming that a source tag is legit unless yourself added or checked it. (I haven't even really looked at it yet, though, so for all I know somebody already cleansed it.)  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 12:39, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I did a good deal of the sourcing myself, and have spot-checked most of the rest. There was a serious fanon/NPOV purge that I did, and the non-biographical sections are now shorter. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Note to self: Done up to Clone Wars. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Small input from Tinwe, concerning the lightsaber Dooku used as a Jedi: I'd like to point you to the direction of this image. It shows that Dooku used the curve-hilt design already as a Padawan (I'm not 100% sure if this is his own saber or just another training saber&mdash;though at least I have never seen a curve-hilted one). Whatever the case, I think it deserves to be mentioned in the article. --Tinwe 16:09, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There's a mention in the continuity section of the BtS. As a book cover, the Legacy of the Jedi cover is not really canon. Especially since there's no scene with young Dooku wielding his own saber in the actual book, and the whole montage is kinda, IMHO, poorly done. Yrfeloran 00:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I could use some more feedback on this(objections or votes). I'd be happy to address any concerns with the article. Yrfeloran 01:51, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Curiously enough, our own articles place Tann's attack on Alaris Prime before Dooku's use of the Force Harvester. Just a thought. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:37, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Ack...I think the article initially had them that way. I'll double-check when I get back, but you're probably right. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There seems to be an overabundance of small, two- and three-sentence paragraphs. Don't be afraid to merge these, or to write larger paragraphs, as long as the prose flows well. Inline citations within paragraphs are acceptable.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:46, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm finding net access while abroad a little more difficult than I thought, but commented on a few objections. I'll still be gone for several more days. Keep the objections coming, I'll have plenty of time to address them when I get back Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

(7 Inqs/0 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 13:30, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 03:18, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Fantastic work. Now we need Chris Trevas to draw a picture of Yamarus shaking hands with Cal Omas. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 12:53, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 13:22, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I cleaned up what few grammar mistakes I could find. --Imperialles 16:10, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 19:07, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Watch your italics though.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:41, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) The biography begins a little suddenly, without even one introductory sentence. I can imagine it confusing people who might not have read the intro. Please remedy. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:13, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *That is pretty glaring. Good idea, I've added an introductory sentence that I think starts the article a bit better. Sing out if it's still a problem, though. Thefourdotelipsis 03:35, 14 April 2008 (EDT)
 * 3) **Looks fine. I'll read the rest of the article later; looks interesting. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:18, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Two minor things:
 * 5) * I presume we do, but I'm just making sure: we know he's male, right? Apparently we don't, but because of his voice it's a safe assumption (and impractical to have a genderless character article, too). A BtS note wouldn't be out of place, though.
 * 6) **He's played by a man, he sounds like a man's man's man...I'm loathe to put a Bts note like that on it. It just seems a bit like overkill.
 * 7) ***He's also played by a human, but you haven't added that to the article. I'm not going to push it and it's no big deal, though, so do as you please.
 * 8) * No mention in the bio of the Liberty 's destruction at Endor? Even if Yamarus wasn't necessary aboard at the time, it should be worth a mention.
 * 9) **Still haven't gotten around to reading this properly, but I will eventually. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:33, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***I've added a bit at the end of the bio. I didn't do it initially since I thought it might raise questions about his death, but I suppose I've addressed that in the BtS. I think. Thefourdotelipsis 08:02, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) Needs a source that David Wessman created him. - Lord Hydronium 23:49, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 13) * Please say what Liberty is in the intro.
 * 14) **Done.
 * 15) * Also in the intro, Lenzer and the TIE Experimental Project could use a bit of context.
 * 16) **Done.
 * 17) * Same with the Hurrim.
 * 18) **Done
 * 19) * As well with Tydirium.
 * 20) **Done.
 * 21) * In the bio, it isn't initially mentioned that he commanded a task force with Liberty, then an unestablished task force is alluded to.
 * 22) **Done.
 * 23) * Establish what the Defiance is.
 * 24) **Done.
 * 25) * "Fold" is a metaphoric OOU term, and I don't think it belongs.
 * 26) **Done.
 * 27) * "It was the admiral's hope &hellip; Hoping to" is a bit heavy.
 * 28) **Done.
 * 29) * Mention XTS's Imperial connection in "Intelligence and counter-intelligence," if it is stated anywhere in the game.
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) * Please state Ackbar's significance, and what Independence specifically is.
 * 32) **Done.
 * 33) * "Dunari agreed to aid the Alliance in exchange for escort and aid" – please reword.
 * 34) **Done.
 * 35) * The Hurrim need a bit of set-up in the body.
 * 36) **Done.
 * 37) * State what the Longshot is.
 * 38) **Done.
 * 39) * As well as the Tal'cara.
 * 40) **Done. Thefourdotelipsis 05:15, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) * Graestan ( Talk ) 03:07, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 42) Toprawa:
 * 43) *Is it really necessary to add the Alliance Fleet subset to this infobox affiliation? Sure, we have some "precedent" that does this, but we have that many more that don't. Looks messy and kind of unnecessary
 * 44) **It's something I've done before...I don't think it's really a problem, it just gives us a bit more specific info up there.
 * 45) *Can we specify what system this facility is located in? "as one of their agents had established that the Bretie Facility"
 * 46) **Done.
 * 47) *Same deal. Please specify what system. I do believe XWA did a nice job of always naming what system levels took place in: "he located Obsidian, Lenzer's center of operations."
 * 48) **No information on that one.
 * 49) *Please specify that the Python is a CR90, IIRC: "Yamarus sent his fighters and the corvette Python"
 * 50) **For the record, this is unnecessary and isn't actually required at all; the links are there to be clicked. I'm going to do it this time, but fair warning: It's not actually legitimate unless the detail rule is stretched.
 * 51) *Same. Please specify what class of ISD the Subjugator is: "Imperial Star Destroyer Subjugator"
 * 52) **Fixed.
 * 53) *Same. "nearly reached the Star Destroyer Imperator"
 * 54) **See, this one just requires people to hover their mouse over the link. At any rate, fixed.
 * 55) *You refer to the AA23 here as "the" AA23, but in no instances previously. Please choose the correct one and use it throughout for conformity: "the logs he had brought with him on the AA-23"
 * 56) **Removed.
 * 57) *If we know, please pipelink a sector here: "a new base of operations in the sector"
 * 58) **We don't since they begin to jet set.
 * 59) *It may be pertinent to specify here that Black Sun and XTS are all but one in the same. This, of course, relies on what the game specifies Yamarus knew between this connection. I can't remember that, nor can I remember if XTS as publicly linked to Black Sun: "Yamarus found it curious that the information had come from the notorious criminal organization Black Sun,"
 * 60) **Well, the whole point is that no one knew. Legitimate enterprise linked to massive criminal organization? :P
 * 61) * The paragraph beginning "While Skywalker and his team" could use more specific sourcing. You source everything to SOTE, but the very end of that paragraph should really be sourced to XWA.
 * 62) **Nevermind, I got this for you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:06, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) *This isn't exactly true. The "crew member" was actually the lone Bothan that had escaped from the Kothlis safehouse with the computer in SOTE, and had escaped off-planet aboard Fey'lya's shuttle. You should specify earlier that Fey'lya delivered the computer and this Bothan to safely earlier on and then clarify this: "one of the Razor ' s crew members was able to escape with the data and make it to the Independence"
 * 64) **Where is this stated? The game implies that it's Fey'lya himself who retrieves the plans. And the crew member certainly isn't Fey'lya.
 * 65) ***Not at all. The info is from XWA itself. This lone Bothan is the whole point of the interconnectivity of SOTE and these levels of XWA. One Bothan escapes Melan's safehouse in SOTE, as referenced to in the game, and then escapes Kothlis aboard Fey'lya's shuttle, where he is then transferred to the Razor, etc. You need to go back and listen to the opening briefing of the "Abandon Rebel Base at Kothlis" XWA level. Do your research, 4dot. You're writing a Featured Article. That I had to go in to look this up for you is pretty bad. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:31, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) ****OK, I've gone back through that briefing, and it all it says is that several Bothans escaped with the computer, one of them made it to a shuttle with the computer, and will be contacting the Alliance (the Bothan is shown to be Fey'lya in the level itself) and then it says that the computer will be transferred to the Razor. Are you sure you've got the right level there? Thefourdotelipsis 00:50, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 67) *Please specify ship class. Marauder, IIRC: "with the aid of the Mercury"
 * 68) **Fixed.
 * 69) *This makes it seem like Holtz commanded the entire Imperial presence in the entire Outer Rim, and I don't believe this was the case. Please reword to say what presence, specifically, he commanded: "Admiral Garreth Holtz was in charge of the Imperial presence in the Outer Rim Territories"
 * 70) **Fixed.
 * 71) *Very smooth read. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:02, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 72) **Thank you very much. Thefourdotelipsis 22:44, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments

I presume there's no picture because no picture exists. Is there a picture of some object associated with him which could be used as a placeholder in the template anyway? &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 14:13, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * No, nothing at all, to my knowledge. We've got a couple of FAs without images in the template, so it's no biggie. Thefourdotelipsis 14:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I guess I'm thinking more about the image we'd put on the front page when it gets featured. &mdash;Silly Dan (talk) 14:17, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * We wouldn't have one. It does look a bit boring, but it's happened before, and it's only for a day. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:21, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

(8 Inq/2 Users/10 Total)
Support
 * 1) Ugh. I feel all...nekkid. Thefourdotelipsis 13:09, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:57, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Very good. I like articles about Kaleesh generals.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:11, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Interesting fellow. Why is it that all the aliens in the Empire are bastards? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:13, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 21:13, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 21:15, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) --Eyrezer 00:12, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) This is decidedly one of the most interesting noms I've read all week. Great job, 4dot.  No objections from me.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:02, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 10)  Jaina Solo ( Talk ) [[Image:Jainasolosig.gif |25px]] 19:11, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) * Per rule 8, please remedy the red link in the intro. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:00, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Heh, I realized that in class today. Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 07:57, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * The way you speculatively word this with "seemed" leads me to believe that this is your own personal extrapolation. Please reword, or otherwise remove, as appropriate: "His bombing of K'avor did not seem to work into his final plan for Shiva IV at all"
 * 5) **Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 22:46, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Otherwise clean. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:31, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Ackbar:
 * 8) * The first sentence could do with a tad more context. It assumes that the reader knows who Sheelal is, and could use more explanation about the war with the Yam'rii. Additionally, it could better explain that the two conflicts (the Yam'rii one and Sk'rr's one with the Empire) did not take place concurrently.
 * 9) **I've added a bit of context there, to clarify timelines and personalities. As for Sheelal, I'm a bit of an advocate of inviting readers to click links, but there's also the element of "Kaleesh warlord in the same vein as." If you think it needs further clarification, I'm happy to amend.
 * 10) ***Looks fine.
 * 11) * Sorry to be so ridiculously nitpicky, but "edge of known space" doesn't mean "edge of the galaxy" in my estimation.
 * 12) **That's fair enough. Fixed.
 * 13) * No mention at all of his "behemoth" physical size?
 * 14) **I thought I'd let "Approx. 3 meters", "intimidated by the towering figure of Sk'ar" and the picture do the talking.
 * 15) ***Fair enough, though I think a mention in the P&T would be good; it seems to be an important enough part of his character. It should also probably be mentioned that he was way above average size for his species; NEGAS lists a Kaleesh's average height as 1.8 meters.
 * 16) ****Interesting. I've added a bit in the P/T. Thefourdotelipsis 09:56, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) *****Looks good. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:13, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * (Not an objection): This is probably because I am tired, but the "Shiva IV" and "Death" sections leave me needing to reread things to fully comprehend what's actually happening. I can't really be specific, though; sorry. I guess I'll wait to see what others say. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:52, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) **I understand your plight: the story itself is so hackneyed that I struggled to get my head around it myself. A lot of things in the story genuinely make no sense, and I've alluded to this in the P/T. Thefourdotelipsis 07:57, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***I reread it this morning with some sleep in me and it looks okay. Interesting, if slightly strange, character and article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:17, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) The infobox image is horrible. --Imperialles 16:11, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) *Wow, what a helpful, specific objection. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 20:55, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *The other candidates are horrible-er. Thefourdotelipsis 00:35, 19 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Better images are incoming. Thefourdotelipsis 13:09, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Mostly done, though I suggest picking another infobox image. That 3/4ths of a face is the whole panel, it's not in the spine or something. I'll rescan that one if you want, but I'll wait for your selection before I do any more. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 20:27, 17 April 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Admiral. Pfeh! -- Ozzel 02:24, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Worked out the only issue I had in IRC. --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 12:30, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:44, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) His MO is similar to mine at work.  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:46, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Jedimca0(Do or Do Not, There is No Try) 09:51, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 2) * "both enthusiasm and fear that he would meet the same fate as Ozzel" – Please reword for clarity.
 * 3) **Adjusted.
 * 4) * The Declaration of a New Order could use a little context.
 * 5) **I've added a touch of follow up and another link for readers.
 * 6) * It is not yet established that the Alliance has a new base when you say "Piett and his crew searched for the new Alliance base" – Is this speculation on the part of the Imperials, or can a phrase be added to the previous section about the Alliance seeking out new refuge?
 * 7) **Phrase added.
 * 8) * Grammel's position should be established forthright.
 * 9) **I'm not quite sure what you mean by this.
 * 10) ***He is simply referred to without context, and it's a bit confusing. Where is he? Who does he work for? This should be set up initially. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:03, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Aha, I see. Fixed, and this actually works much better, as there's a bit more of a set up to Circarpous V as well. Thefourdotelipsis 10:02, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * "a possible candidate" is kind of out of the blue. Rebel base had been mentioned, but was a while back. Please reorient the reader.
 * 13) **Done.
 * 14) * "made a tactical blunder when exiting hyperspace in the Hoth system" – I believe the dialogue of ESB has them arriving too close to the system, not exactly in it, as the mistake. Was there a different version? If not, please revise.
 * 15) **Fixed.
 * 16) *Non-objection: Nice dodging of the term "on Bespin," which always makes me go "hmmm."
 * 17) **Quite. ;)
 * 18) * Mention the significance of the shield generator, please.
 * 19) **Added.
 * 20) * I could have sworn Rebel fighters took out the Executor ' s bridge shield&hellip; If not stated otherwise, can this get a mention?
 * 21) **"His ships" kinda works here, since Ackbar was in overall command.
 * 22) ***I am mistaken. The way the film is put together, it appears Rebels attack the shield projector domes (now retconned as sensor globes) of the ship before Executor ' s shield go down, but if you look closely, it's an ISD they hit. Graestan ( Talk )
 * 23) * Present tense in the last part of the bio.
 * 24) **Where, exactly? "The Battle of Endor was eventually lost by the Empire, with Palpatine dying his first death at the hands of the turncoat Lord Vader, who also perished." is past tense, I and several others believe. Thefourdotelipsis 08:17, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) **Ah, Hydro found it. I would have called brain fart...only I didn't actually add that sentence at all. To you members of the audience, let this be a lesson to you: Constant Vigilance! Thefourdotelipsis 08:55, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ***Try Nebulaxian, err, I mean, draconian measures. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:03, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:32, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 29) *This is referenced to as though we are introduced to this concept already. Please reword to better say this was something he had done in the past: "soon after his promotion but was able to shift blame as he had done in the past."
 * 30) **Done.
 * 31) *Context for Mr. Dodonna, please: "Piett was on board the Executor once again when it fell under attack from Vrad Dodonna."
 * 32) **Added.
 * 33) *This doesn't tell me anything. You say the Executor was attacked by Dodonna, and then that attack failed. Please elaborate a little bit on what happened, specifically: "Piett personally congratulated Vader when Dodonna's attack failed."
 * 34) **That's the part that's relevant to Piett. In that, when Vader's plans or whatever worked, he was there to congratulate him. There's nothing on his other actions in the battle.
 * 35) *Kind of an addendum to the previous objection. IIRC, Dodonna's attack is what caused Griff's death, no? Should clarify: "During the Fifth Battle of Yavin 4, in which the forces of the Galactic Empire drove the Alliance to Restore the Republic out of their hidden fortress, Admiral Griff perished in an accidental collision."
 * 36) **As far as I can recall, Griff died when his ships accidentally hypered into the Executor. Dodonna was long dead. Thefourdotelipsis 05:15, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) *This reads as though he was attempting to acquire the crystal and the two Rebels from Imperial justice. That phrase is redundant anyhow. Recommended that you just remove that and all will be fine: "the Dark Lord was unable to acquire either the Kaiburr crystal or the two fugitives from Imperial justice."
 * 38) **"From Imperial justice" removed.
 * 39) *The use of "droid" here just reads silly. Ideally replace the first one to describe the probe, or whatever it is: "Sure enough, the droid did detect a Rebel presence, but it was only a pair of droids"
 * 40) **Changed to "probe."
 * 41) *This...just doesn't read well. All of these 'in Vader's eyes,' 'in Vader's view.' These sentences could be tightened up to avoid unnecessary redundant wording, perhaps even condense into a single sentence.: "The admiral had been made to look a fool, souring him in Vader's eyes just as Piett had planned. At the same time, the Axxilan had made himself appear sharp and calculating in the Dark Lord's view, gaining him a small degree of favor."
 * 42) **"In the Dark Lord's view" removed.
 * 43) *Your quote heading the "Admiralty" section is...incorrect. I'm going to let you change it so you can learn from your mistake. I suggest turning on the captions for the ESB DVD.
 * 44) **Thank you so much for the opportunity.
 * 45) *Please reword to avoid passive voice: "betting pools were formed on the command ship by the junior officers"
 * 46) **Fixed.
 * 47) *At this point here, you could probably add a little bit to refer to Piett's "preference to avoid the issue" of the escape of the Falcon for comprehensiveness's sake. See pg. 73 of the novel: "Piett briefly toured the remains of Echo Base before informing Vader that seventeen Rebel ships had been destroyed while trying to flee."
 * 48) **I think the article has enough of the "living in fear of the Dark Lord" angle to not have to mention it at every failing. That just becomes repetitive.
 * 49) *Your subsequent explanation of Vader's desire to capture Solo and the others in lure of Skywalker could benefit from an explanation that Vader initially believed Skywalker to be aboard the Falcon (see pg. 83 of the novel). He later changed his plan to capture Solo, etc. on advice from Boba Fett. (See: The Ultimate Visual Guide).
 * 50) **Well, I'm working from the information given, and the information given tells me that Fett gave Vader the idea of capturing Solo and the Falcon long ago.
 * 51) *You're missing detail here. Please explain how Vader ordered Piett to employ "every available ship" to "sweep the asteroid field" until they were found? "TIE/sa bombers were dispatched to try and force Captain Solo out, but to no avail."
 * 52) **That's semantics. Fixed anyway.
 * 53) *Wow. How could you leave out the bit about Piett seeing Vader unmasked before the asteroid report...?
 * 54) **Because it's pretty trivial. Naturally, it's in there now.
 * 55) *Could probably supplement this by explaining that the bounty hunters were hired as a result of Piett's/the fleet's own inability/incompetence in capturing the Falcon: "To Piett's distaste, Vader summoned a group of bounty hunters to the Executor in order to make use of their services in locating the Millennium Falcon."
 * 56) **That's alluded to in the P/T.
 * 57) *Are you making this up? I'm not sure any source ever indicates exactly what the Avenger's transmission indicated, though I could be wrong. At any rate, this should not be referenced to ESB: "was within sight, and that capture was imminent"
 * 58) **It's exactly what the film cuts to, though. Still. De-specified.
 * 59) *Again, more detail here please. Should specify that Piett relayed Vader's order for the Star Destroyers of the fleet to each enter hyperspace along different trajectories it was calculated that the Falcon may have taken. You could even explain that the Falcon had in fact attached itself to the Avenger's bridge tower and was right under their noses: "Vader ordered Piett to disband the fleet in the search for the Millennium Falcon"
 * 60) **The information is presented as it comes to Piett, to avoid "little did he know"s. I don't see any problem with the detail level there at all, really.
 * 61) *This sentence isn't doing enough to explain exactly what transpired in this scene. You should better explain that Piett was more or less told that if he failed again, he would be killed: " The Dark Lord was not pleased, and made no hesitation in conveying his mood to the fearful Piett, who was sharply reminded of his predecessor's fate."
 * 62) **Ozzel died. That's specified earlier in the article. It's pretty clear.
 * 63) *What bait? You need to explain that Solo and his crew were captured by Vader on Cloud City, and that Skywalker was lured there, before finally escaping: "Sure enough, Vader returned from the city empty-handed, despite the fact that Skywalker had taken the bait"
 * 64) **From earlier: "With that ship and its crew of Han Solo, Leia Organa, C-3PO, and Chewbacca as bait, Vader was confident he could lure Luke Skywalker into a trap." Capture of Solo et al added, though.
 * 65) *You need to detail the scene in which Piett readies the boarding party, under Vader's command, to take control of the Falcon. You could even explain that Vader inquired as to whether or not Piett had deactivated the hyperdrive, and that the Falcon escaped after it was repaired. Just too much over-generalization here. You're missing details: "To Piett's surprise and fear, the Millennium Falcon successfully made the jump to lightspeed."
 * 66) **No, I'm summarizing events in a concise fashion, and not turning it into a play-by-play.
 * 67) *Weak explanation here. This goes way back to when you first say that Vader wanted Skywalker to "join his cause." What is his cause? Why is he joining? Should indicate in some capacity that Vader wanted him to turn to the dark side: "since Skywalker, his son, had refused to join him."
 * 68) **Clarification made earlier.
 * 69) *I'm not sure what promotion you're referring to here. If you're referring to his promotion admiral, this is really kind of off-kilter, since this happened about 6 months previously to the point where we're at in the article here.: "Hoping to survive his promotion, Piett was ordered to take an unpredictable route from system to system,"
 * 70) **Clarified.
 * 71) *The fleet's more direct responsibility before the attack was the protect the Death Star construction site. Should specify: "Piett was given command of the substantial Imperial fleet amassed at Endor to trap the Alliance"
 * 72) **Fixed.
 * 73) *Please pipelink shuttle class here: "went smoothly until the shuttle Tydirium"
 * 74) **Why?
 * 75) *Not exactly. I would consider the massive fleet and the operational superlaser as effective defensive measures: "The shield generator was the battlestation's only defense"
 * 76) **Changed.
 * 77) *Missing detail: the Emperor previously ordered the Executor and the fleet to the far side of Endor so that they would be hidden from the Alliance Fleet when it materialized from hyperspace. Then Piett brought the fleet around the moon and into position behind the fleet, trapping them between it and the Death Star. Please explain this.
 * 78) **Fixed.
 * 79) *Should indicate that the fleet was instructed to keep them from escaping: "Piett was given direct orders from Palpatine to not directly attack and engage the Alliance craft, and so his fleet began to suffer"
 * 80) **Already in there. "Piett's forces blocked the Alliance's escape vector"
 * 81) *"Point-blank tactics" is vague and doesn't really explain that the Alliance capital ships began attacking the Star Destroyers at point-blank range, which the Star Destroyers were unprepared for. Please elaborate/clarify: "from enemy General Lando Calrissian's point-blank tactics."
 * 82) **Clarified.
 * 83) *What does this mean? To battle unhindered? Not every Alliance starfighter went into the superstructure, and they still had to deal with the Alliance capital ships. I wouldn't exactly say the Imperial fleet battled unhindered: "leaving the capital ships to battle unhindered"
 * 84) **Removed.
 * 85) *Your quote heading the P&T is also incorrect. Again, please see the DVD captions.
 * 86) **Changed source.
 * 87) *I don't think this is exactly true. Vader picks Ozzel, a confirmed idiot, to head his ship just to keep an eye on him. See: Allegiance. "Vader chose to crew his ships with the Empire's finest officers, regardless of their politics and background."
 * 88) **Too bad, that's in the New Essential Guide to Characters.
 * 89) *Are you sure RAS says he could speak Huttese and not just understand it? One of the Han Solo Trilogy books establishes Huttese as a language that's all but impossible to speak for the Human vocal cords. If the RAS is just stupid and says that he can speak it, you should somehow explain that this his ability to do this is some kind of special: "Piett could speak Huttese as well as Basic"
 * 90) **Changed.
 * 91) *Hmm, not true. He first appeared in Donald F. Glut's novelization: "Admiral Piett first appeared in Irvin Kershner's Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, which was written by Lawrence Kasdan and Leigh Brackett"
 * 92) **Changed.
 * 93) *React so strongly how? Please elaborate a little bit: "something that the actor ultimately believed made audiences react so strongly."
 * 94) **There's a statement in there about him being a fan favourite.
 * 95) *You're missing a source in your list: The Empire Strikes Back: The National Public Radio Dramatization. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:08, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 96) **Added. Thefourdotelipsis 05:15, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 97) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 98) *A better intro tie-in from running Accuser to Executor would be nice.
 * 99) **I think that works OK as is...do you have any wording suggestions?
 * 100) *The deal about Ozzel and Vader and power in the fleet reads rather poorly. Why was he studying him? How did that make Ozzel annoyed? Could you sort that out some?
 * 101) **Added a bit of clarification that I think makes more sense. Lemme know if it needs more.
 * 102) *Redlinked sourced quote no good.
 * 103) **Mah mistake.
 * 104) *Wizards of the Coast search turns up 33 hits. While most of them will probably not be usable, please sort through them and add the few sources appropriately. Link here:
 * 105) **Ah, thanks. Only a few of them were something, but that's something. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 01:16, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:06, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Comment
 * Thanks to Ozzel, who helped sort some things out (Jaymach, Eyrezer and Jedimca0 too. And some other people, I'm sure.) Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * "[...] after ferrying Vader to the incomplete battle station to oversee the final phases of construction." In ROTJ, Vader's shuttle lifts off from the Avenger, not from the Executor. Did Windham mess up here?. --Borsk Fey'lya  Talk 14:07, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually, the SOTE comic shows him on the Executor as well. But neither actually say he takes the shuttle from the Executor. So...he must have transferred to the Avenger, then gone to the DSII. No, it doesn't make sense to me either. Thefourdotelipsis 22:15, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inqs/1 User/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) I'm in a productive mood. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:17, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Good. My first Inq of the day. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:39, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 02:58, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  Graestan ( Talk ) 21:26, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Interesting stuff! Thefourdotelipsis 04:31, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Dear Summar:
 * 2) * Calling the Republic and Empire "bad" is POV: "and knew that the Galactic Republic before it was every bit as bad as the Empire"
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * I oppose the validity of this. This suggests that the Empire was losing the war, when this is not the case at all. Strongly suggest removing and replacing with something else. "...and kept the Rebels on the run" or something: "and helped them turn the tide in the Galactic Civil War."
 * 5) **Changed.
 * 6) * Unfortunately, I believe your entire "Battle of Endor" section will have to go. Unless I'm mistaken and missed it somewhere, BTM does not state in any capacity that the Tyrant, with Lennox in command, ever participated at Endor. My sincere apologies if this leaves you below the 1000 word limit. :(
 * 7) **I suspected as much, though the Tyrant article claims he did and cites BtM, which is why I added it in the first place. I'll ask Culator to check the game files if he is able, just to be 100% sure. If he wasn't at Endor, I'll cull that section. I should just scrape 1000 words without it, though. :-)
 * 8) ***I added the information to the Tyrant article a while ago. You can find it on disc 2 of BtM. Go to "Scene by Scene" => Return of the Jedi => Page 49, Image 1. ;) --Borsk Fey'lya  Talk 12:24, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ****Thanks, Borsk. :-D -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:30, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *****Good. Glad to know I missed it. ;) Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:51, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *Your BTS is problematic:
 * 12) ** I'm not sure where this is coming from, but you'll need to source this Piett confusion. Can we say who/what, specifically, attributes the line to Piett?: "There was initially some confusion among fans about Lennox's only line in the film, which is often erroneously attributed to Firmus Piett"
 * 13) ***This is all from the Who's Who article; it confused me a little bit, but it seemed important enough to add.
 * 14) ** I'm not exactly sure what you're implying here. It seems that since his face is not fully visible, it may be Piett? I'm looking at the movie right now and he turns his head enough to clearly distinguish him, I feel. The article's image shows this as well. Please source this along with the previous objection: "although Lennox's face is not fully visible when he speaks, his voice is much different to Piett's."
 * 15) ***Again, this comes from Who's Who.
 * 16) ***Unless you're sourcing this to Who's Who, with that article stating all of this confusion, my bad. Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:03, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ** This is entirely incorrect. Perhaps the Who's Who article does say this, but I'm also looking at the novelization right now, pg. 48, and the officer of this line and scene is identified as Needa aboard the Avenger, not Piett: "Part of the confusion was due to the fact that Donald F. Glut's movie novelization assigned the line to Piett."
 * 18) ***Yeah, the Who's Who article stated this, also. I've changed "Piett" to "another Imperial," which while not incorrect doesn't invalidate the info in the Who's Who article. Please let me know if you'd like it done differently. Per 4dot's advice in IRC, I've stated outright that it's Needa.
 * 19) ** This reads as though X-wing identified him by name in 1993, when they did not: "Lennox went unmentioned and unnamed until 1993, when Star Wars: X-wing was released."
 * 20) **Addressed.
 * 21) * It kind of seems like you're missing some BTM information: "Lennox, who is totally dedicated to his starship and its crew, despises the political maneuvering common among Imperial officers." Please specify that he is "totally dedicated to his starship and his crew" in the P&T and possibly the bio if appropriate.
 * 22) **Added.
 * 23) * Also, I would strongly recommend speaking to Muuurgh about possible information from the radio drama and the RD's script. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:57, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) **Will do. Thanks for the review :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:08, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * This isn't necessarily the case. The Death Star's explosion didn't kill the Emperor or Vader: "the Rebels were able to destroy the Death Star, killing Vader and Galactic Emperor Palpatine."
 * 26) * Could you try and break up your BTS into two smaller paragraphs? Up to you how you want to divide the information. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:51, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Done and done. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:08, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan:
 * 29) * "means by which he had to resort to in order to" – This reads somewhat cumbersome; please reword.
 * 30) **Reworded.
 * 31) * I believe it was the system, and not the planet, that Ozzel brought the fleet out of lightspeed too close to.
 * 32) ** Changed.
 * 33) ***Actually, Toprawa&mdash;who is something of an ESB expert&mdash;has confirmed what I suspected: they were already in the system, and for some unfathomable reason many sources refer to single planets as systems. I've changed it back, because to me it makes much more sense like this, but please let me know if you still want it changed.
 * 34) * The first two sentences of "Battle of Endor" seem out of place, and the first is written in the pluperfect for no apparent reason. Please revisit these.
 * 35) **Any better?
 * 36) * I'm not a big fan of stating outright that the Empire "had actual legitimacy," because it tends to stray away from the very theme of the original movies, which was reinforced by Palpatine's masterful coup in the prequels.
 * 37) **I've reworded it a bit to reflect that it was Lennox's own thoughts. Please advise if it's still bugging you.
 * 38) * Graestan ( Talk ) 02:27, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **Thanks for the review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:07, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'll be making up for all these short noms with some considerably longer ones in the Summer. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:17, 19 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I sent an email to Abel Pena asking him about Lennox, and he's sent an interesting reply with a bit of info about the first name. How should I source it? Should I upload a screenshot of the email and link to it in the BtS or should I upload the text of it elsewhere and link to it? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:20, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inq/1 User/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Cull Tremayne 01:56, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:52, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:50, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Thefourdotelipsis 00:06, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:47, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * Can we get something in the "Next" battle field above the infobox?
 * 3) **Sadly this battle isn't mentioned in the NEC, so it's hard to place. It should be either some battle from SotE or a battle on Iskalon. Either would be OR I'm guessing, so it might be better to just leave it blank. Cull Tremayne 02:09, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***That's fine.
 * 5) * Please reword to avoid ending both clauses with the same word: "Many of the Mandalorian slaves decided to join Shysa's strike force, bolstering their forces"
 * 6) **First "force" changed to "team". Hopefully that reads a little better.
 * 7) ***Perfect.
 * 8) *Otherwise clean. Good job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:24, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Thanks for the review sir. Cull Tremayne 02:09, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***My pleasure. Glad to help. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:47, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inq/1 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Also this guy. Cull Tremayne 01:56, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 05:13, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Cull gives me a new appreciation for Marvel. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:53, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * Clausal disagreement. This is essentially saying that the Gektl commander turned himself into himself. Please reword: "After surrendering himself to Major Rahz, the Gektl commander took Za before"
 * 3) **Reworded. Cull Tremayne 02:12, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * You didn't source the paragraph beginning "Trapped." There's a tag for your convenience
 * 5) **Dumb oversight. :P Added. Cull Tremayne 02:12, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * I'm not sure whether you mean to say two wounds here or not. At any rate, "were" doesn't match the singular "wound.": "The wound that Dala had sustained were near-fatal" Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:04, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Wow...that is sad on my part. Changed to "was". Thanks for the review. Cull Tremayne 02:12, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Sure. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:53, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inq/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) And this thing. Cull Tremayne 01:56, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) A great antagonist, but not a bad guy at the finish. -- Delmar Nori 00:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Stupid concept, good article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:15, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Clean, compelling prose. Excellent. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:03, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * This reads as though they performed in front of multiple audiences. If so, please change "audience" to its plural form: "the Jindas took up an occupation as entertainers, relying on gifts from their audience to maintain their nomadic lifestyle"
 * 3) **Changed to the plural.
 * 4) * Please provide a brief descriptor for who/what these are: "and been captured by Skandits."
 * 5) **Clarifier added.
 * 6) * I understand what you're saying here, but "large gestures" just sounds awkward. Could you describe that in a different way?: "making large gestures as he uprooted the terrain" Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:33, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Is "wild gestures" any better? Or is a total reword needed? Cull Tremayne 19:25, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Perfect. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:03, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Why it's a stupid concept? Is it because the Rock Wizard was a stone creature, with unknown species? -- Delmar Nori 23:16, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * The idea that he flipped out because he lost a tooth strikes me as very peculiar. I actually like whatever species he is though; it's a unique look.
 * I understand. -- Delmar Nori 01:35, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:41, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I can (with great difficulty) ignore the first name usage in this instance. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:21, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) There's info missing from Galaxy 5 which I would be happy to help you out with if you would just quit dodging me in IRC! :-P -- Ozzel 19:52, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Thanks for the scans. I should be able to add it in the morning. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:49, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Sorted. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:40, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Great! -- Ozzel 21:48, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 6) * "Vicious" is POV: "Cypher Bos was a vicious Nalrithian [[bounty hunter]"
 * 7) **Changed.
 * 8) * This is a bit confusing. You say he worked for the Empire and for Jabba, but then wants a place among the Rebellion. Is he infiltrating the Alliance? Please clarify: "hoping to kill Phoedris and take his place as a member of the Alliance to Restore the Republic"
 * 9) ** I see that you mention this later on in the paragraph. This should be explained initially.
 * 10) ***Should be fixed.
 * 11) * Please explain what this mental link is. Something inherent to his species? "after using his mental link with Phoedris to learn many secret Rebel codes"
 * 12) **Any better?
 * 13) * POV: "A vicious, greedy being"
 * 14) **Reworded.
 * 15) * Please reword to say he used a transport as his transportation. Redundant: "He used a YT-1300 Corellian transport as his main method of transportation"
 * 16) **I've removed all mention of it except for the Equipment section, since all we know is that he owned it.
 * 17) * Cause who lasting harm? He, or his brother? This reads ambiguously: "which would ensure that the pain he would share with Phoedris during their inevitable confrontation would not cause him any lasting harm"
 * 18) **Clarified.
 * 19) * I believe you're trying to say here that he smelled the scents of others to detect him, but this really is reading that he somehow utilized a scent by his own doing to detect them, which I don't think is the case: "and he used scents to recognize other species."
 * 20) **Should be cleared up.
 * 21) *Good BTS. Cleaned up some of my own confusion. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:57, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **Thanks. And thanks for the copyedit/review. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:15, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I've been unable to find out who voiced him, though someone who has a physical copy of the thing might know. Also, I haven't referred to him as just "Bos" because he's only ever called "Cypher Bos" or "Cypher." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:41, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * According to this, the actors were not credited, so I guess we may never know. -- Ozzel 21:53, 20 April 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inq/1 User/4 Total)
Support
 * Darth Culator (Talk) 20:50, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) --Eyrezer 04:28, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) The planet's kerploding! - Lord Hydronium 07:10, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) First FA I've seen from Culator (I think), and just the subject matter I would expect from him. I demand more FAs from you. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:03, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *A few preliminaries before I go through this thing in its entirety:
 * 3) * "Conflict" and "Date" infobox fields must be sourced
 * 4) **Done. The Operation Skyhook bit is a remnant from before I started on it.
 * 5) * It would be pertinent to give a mention in the BTS of how Star Wars: Rebellion, which starts 1 day after Yavin, includes Despayre as a still-intact planet, while giving an encyclopedia entry of being the Death Star's construction site Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:05, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **Also done. Good catch. This is why I love peer review. 1131 words now. :-) -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 21:17, 20 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) The sectioning would work better if the target selection and preparation were combined into one section. --Eyrezer 07:59, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *See if it's better now. Sectioning is one of my weaknesses. Took me a week to get the headers on Zsinj right. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 12:14, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **That was an improvement; however, I don't think a sub-subsection is required. I've edited it how I think it works best, renaming the first section "Preparation". That meant removing a quote though. Perhaps this article would work well with a quote page seeing as there are so many good ones. I also removed the pic of Tagge and did some reshuffling. If you dislike it, we can discuss on IRC. --Eyrezer 00:57, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Works for me. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 01:00, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) The entire article seems to consist of paragraphs that are merely two-three sentences long. Consider merging some of these to create larger paragraphs, or expand them enough to warrant being paragraphs of their own. --Imperialles 19:08, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) *I'm not certain how that's really an issue. The paragraphs can't be expanded since the facts are all there already. The sequence of events is described in a logical order, and the paragraphs are separated by intermediate steps in the sequence. Are you telling me to add useless padding? Seems contrary to our objective. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 22:37, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **No, I'm telling you to merge paragraphs so that the article doesn't look like a list. --Imperialles 05:38, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***I've got them as combined as they can reasonably be. Rearranging them any further would be disruptive. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 13:44, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ****FWIW, I think the paragraphs are fine. As long as they're a logical organization and not excessively small or disjointed, I see no problem with reasonable numbers of short paragraphs given the sparse nature of the subject matter. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:15, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 17) *Please identify Fortressa by name earlier.
 * 18) **Good idea. Done.
 * 19) *That doesn't seem to be the standard location to place the Death Star campaign template and I'm getting some weird effects on the edge of the template anyway. Please move it.
 * 20) **I don't know that there's necessarily a standard location for those. I don't much like it anyway, as it's one of very few bits left from before I overhauled the article. If you can think of a better place for it, please put it there.
 * 21) *I seem to recall something about all the prison guards on Despayre being transferred or not transferred . . . my memory is vague on the matter, but if it's in Death Star, please add it.
 * 22) **Didn't have to check Death Star, Fact Files provided a convenient reference. Really the only thing in there that I didn't have already.
 * 23) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:13, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) **I always do. -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:17, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Let's get these things out of the way:
 * 1,082 1,388 words, of which zero percent is padding.
 * The images are the images, there's nothing to be done to improve them&mdash;I mean it. The only one I didn't post-process myself was uploaded by another one of our image experts.
 * I'm quite attached to my page number references, and I consider any objection to them to be a protest against the fundamental meaning of referencing in favor of laziness.
 * It has already passed GAN, though that means little in the long run really.
 * And I fully expect our length requirements will eventually change to disqualify it (unless the FAN refinements end up adding some cushioning), but I need proper FAN practice for the major nominations I have coming down the pipe. (Cue ominous foreshadowing music.) -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 20:50, 20 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) "...if said images are available." Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Interesting...  Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 22:36, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --Eyrezer 04:30, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Can we get some more explanation on the indertictor project? It's not that clear to me atm what that was all about. --Eyrezer 03:50, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * They're not, in other words. Thefourdotelipsis 13:15, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/2 User/3 Total)
Support
 * Yes, it's stupid. Yes, not everything makes sense. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:56, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) One of the heroes of the early Rebellion, as Lando called him.Tocneppil 19:52, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  21:59, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * If someone could upload better images, that would be appreciated. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:56, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Stupid? I object! :) --Eyrezer 00:48, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) As co-nominator.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:03, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Co-Kajibbly. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 00:05, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 00:03, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From Graestan the Mighty:
 * 2) * Jedi Civil War could use some context in the intro, especially that the bombing was part of the conflict.
 * 3) **Added context.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * Some information regarding the history surrounding the Exile's visit should be included in the intro.
 * 5) **Added history.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * First sentence of "Layout" should either be broken up or punctuated consistently; it currently shifts from commas to semicolons.
 * 7) **Broken up and fixed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * "The latter was similar in style to the one seen at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant during that era; in addition, the exterior was outwardly similar to the Temple on the Galactic Republic's capital world." – This needs to be sourced.
 * 9) **Sourced.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * "Four artificially-created towers rose up around the perimeter of the academy's exterior, with one at each point on the compass." – Their origins and positions in relation to the planet are not established, if I remember correctly.
 * 11) **Reworded.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Last sentence of "Layout" should probably either be moved or paraphrased into "History." Also, no information on the Polar Irrigation System itself, its purpose? Furthermore, some information on the war itself should be added, including some context from Revan, who is referred to out of the blue in the next paragraph.
 * 13) **Sentence transposed, context added for Jedi Civil War. Please advise if more tweaking is desired.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) * "It was the ability &hellip; to be able to" is a bit awkward.
 * 15) **Fixed.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * The First Jedi Purge could use a little setup, since it is a key focus of the game.
 * 17) **Added some more context.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * Can the parenthetical statement be moved into the prose? I don't really care for parentheses, which read more like casual asides. In this statement, a passing mention is made of the Katarr incident, which I believe should be laid out.
 * 19) **Done.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) * Kreia and Citadel station need some context, as well as Nihilus's nature.
 * 21) **Elaborated more on these events.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:54, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) * So does Malachor V.
 * 23) **Put up some context.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:54, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) * Oh, please kill the "fate remains unknown" line, as it is speculative in nature. Better to just leave it at what we do know.
 * 25) **Killed it dead.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) * No BtS? Nothing to offer up, even from Team Gizka? Please respond to this here, if there is nothing to add.
 * 27) **I'll ask Red about more stuff to add to the BtS.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:09, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) *A bit of advice: In writing articles for GA, FA, or anything, I would assume that the reader only has a basic understanding of Star Wars, and not the Expanded Universe. Graestan ( Talk ) 01:15, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Being sourced as you read this; co-nominated along with Greyman.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:03, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/2 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) My nomination of this article is due in a large part to tremendous help from Topwara and Ralltiir, Chack, AdmirableAckbar, and Havac. These Wookieepedians, amongst others, provided me with helpful and constructive advice in getting this article up to snuff. Stazi is an awesome character and it is my pleasure to nominate him for FA status. AdmiralNick22 01:46, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:37, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) My first concern is the stability of the article. Are anonymous editors continuously messing with this page? I notice two anonymous edits since you nominated it already. Please reassure me about this, or propose a solution.  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:59, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Well, both edits appear to be an anon fixing bits of grammer. The solution, IMO, is vigilance in reverting any edits that are made that contain false or incorrect info. Several of the posters who helped me work on this article (Topwara, AdmirableAckbar) regularly patrol the article and revert anon or incorrect edits. AdmiralNick22 02:16, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *That's not really an objection at all. The nominator has no control over who edits the article. All they can do it respond to those edits, keep what is worthy, and remove what's not. Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 02:29, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **There is a rule concerning whether or not the article is the subject of an ongoing edit-war, and a similar, yet better-worded rule on the GAN about whether the article is stable. I just wanted to see if the nominator had any ideas or plans for dealing with this. Graestan ( Talk ) 00:00, 25 April 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * The introduction could be fleshed out a bit. If that isn't possible, please consider consolidating some of the paragraphs therein.
 * 3) **I consolidated the intro into two paragraphs. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * "As early as 130 ABY, Duros Admiral Gar Stazi was the commander of the Galactic Alliance Core Fleet." Reword, please.
 * 5) **Done. Cleaned up sentence. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Not exactly what I had in mind, but I rewrote it to reflect what the usual standard is.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:07, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * "that he planned to cover the Alliance rear and keep means of escape open for the fleet" sounds a bit awkward. Keep in mind how fleet maneuvers would be described.
 * 8) **Done. Reworded to be clearer. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Linking in quotes and quote citations a no-no, please address.
 * 10) **I was not aware of this. I noticed that many FA's do link in quotes. However, I am willing to remove them if that is the standard. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***Technically it's allowed if there's no other reasonable way to get a link into an article, however in each instance that you did it, the subject was linked elsewhere.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:07, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Also, the lead dialogue for the Escape subsection should be templated properly.
 * 13) **I am not sure what you mean. Please specify. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***It means you have to use one of the dialogue templates found here. For two-line dialogue it is acceptable to have it as-is, but for three or more, a dialogue template is needed to avoid confusion.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:07, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ****Is that really policy? I know that I, and several other users, dislike using those dialogue templates unless it's actually necessary (more than two people talking in an irregular pattern). I greatly prefer normal quote templates. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:51, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *****Well, I am not as familar with templates, so I am flexible. You both bring up good points. Goodwood, I am fine leaving it as is, unless you seriously object. Either format works for me. :-) AdmiralNick22 19:39, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) ******Since you're not familiar with the template system, I went ahead and did it myself. It's something to keep in mind for the future. :-) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:37, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Three days following his victory at Mon Calamari, Admiral Stazi, along with beings across the galaxy, witnessed an atrocity live over the HoloNet. Transmiting from the Mon Calamarian capital city of New Coral City, Darth Krayt broadcast a horrifying message— 1/0th of all Mon Calamarians would be executed. After issuing this proclamation, a stormtroopers led by Darth Azard slaughtered the assembled members of the Calamarian Council, both Mon Calamarian and Quarren." Please reword this paragraph.
 * 19) **Please be more specific. I am not sure which parts you want changed. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***Nevermind.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:07, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * "Unbeknownst" is not a word.
 * 22) **Done. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **It is. ;-) - Lord Hydronium 03:21, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 24) ***God Bless you sir! I have been using that word for years! :-p AdmiralNick22 03:24, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) ****I would still prefer it not be used, as it sounds superfluous.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:07, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) *****No problem. I still removed it. I think I caught all of them. If not, feel free to remove any occurances of "unbeknownst". AdmiralNick22 19:37, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *****Thanks mate. There were a couple left, but they're zapped now.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:37, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) * Please change "Mon Calamarian(s)" to "Mon Calamari".
 * 29) **Done. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) * "Back at the Alliance rendezvous point, the actions of the Imperial Knights to save his officers deeply impressed Stazi." Please reword this statement.
 * 31) **Again, please specify what part you want changed. Personally, I am not sure what is wrong with this particular sentence. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) ***The sentence is simply awkward. A more appropriate wording would be, for example: "...at the rendezvous point, Stazi learned of the actions of, etc....an act which deeply impressed him."
 * 33) ****Done. AdmiralNick22 19:37, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) * "1/0th of all Mon Calamarians would be executed." Please correct this fraction and write it as prose.
 * 35) **Done. AdmiralNick22
 * 36) *TIMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 02:46, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 37) **Thank you for your advice. :-) I have addressed the areas you requested. There are a few areas where you ask me to change sentences that I would like you to be more specific. That way I knwo what parts of those sentences you think need improvement. AdmiralNick22 03:11, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) ***You're welcome mate, any time.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 12:07, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) ****Thanks for the vote! And your helpful advice. AdmiralNick22 00:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Glad to see you're having a shot at FA. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:51, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Thank you. Feel free to vote if you are interested. This article is due in a large part to your help in getting it to GA status. AdmiralNick22 00:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) --Eyrezer 03:12, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Heh, nice job on making me pull out GG4 to double check the government name :P  Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 23:17, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 01:15, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Cull Tremayne 09:23, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Object

Comments
 * Star Wars: Rebellion has an image of the planet, but I don't own the game... if anyone can supply the pic that would be greatly appreciated. --Eyrezer 04:01, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 09:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 07:38, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) *"Bly and his troops hunted for Shu Mai, a powerful member of the enemy Confederacy of Independent Systems." In this case, "member of the enemy" sounds a bit awkward. Perhaps rephrasing it to something like "...Shu Mai, who was a member of the Separatist Council, the governing body of the..."
 * 3) **Reworded.
 * 4) ***Still not there yet.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 15:56, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * "As a clone commander, it was Bly's job to act as an intermediate between the Jedi Generals and the regular clone troopers." The term should be "intermediary," no?
 * 6) **Ah, yes. Fixed.
 * 7) * "His ship had also sustained heavy damage and crashed on the planet as well." Please rephrase.
 * 8) **Reworded.
 * 9) * "but any attempt at stealth was abandoned when the Noghri sprung a surprise attack." Please rephrase; "when the natives ambushed the party" suggested.
 * 10) **Reworded.
 * 11) *"Retreating into the temple, Bly had one trooper stay behind and hold off the attackers, per standard procedure. When that trooper died, another would stop and take his place as rear guard." Please rephrase and consolidate these two sentences.
 * 12) **I'm not quite sure how that would work, or what the problem is with the current sentence. Could you be more specific?
 * 13) ***I mean that the two sentences need to be merged; as they are, they're redundant and sloppy. Think military parlance if that helps.
 * 14) *"Although the Jedi worked as a team to extract the device, the trap was triggered. Fortunately for the trio, no one was hurt, allowing them to escape the temple unharmed." Again, please rephrase and consolidate.
 * 15) **Why does this need to be consolidated? I don't quite follow here.
 * 16) ***Because you use the phrase "worked as a team" only two sentences prior. Again, please merge the two sentences to achieve greater clarity and brevity.
 * 17) *"Bly, roused into consciousness, shot Vos in the shoulder and then fired to kill." Please clarify...was he aiming to kill with the first shot?
 * 18) **This isn't really clarified in the comic, so it's kept ambiguous to avoid any assumptions about the event.
 * 19) ***I'd still like to see it reworded; as it stands, the sentence is also a bit awkward.
 * 20) * "Following the Honoghr operation, Bly and Secura served a tour of duty on Anzat." Could this be elaborated upon? If not that's understandable.
 * 21) **Strange one, that. Secura goes to Anzat later in the war, but Databank seems to think that Bly fought in a tour of duty there. There's really nothing to be expanded upon in terms of Bly's role. It's not even meant to be the same trip. I think it's probably a mistake, but we obviously can't make that assumption.
 * 22) ***Fair enough.
 * 23) *"In 19 BBY, Secura, Bly and the 327th Star Corps were dispatched to Saleucami, where a prolonged siege was taking place." What were they besieging, and why?
 * 24) **That's the next sentence.
 * 25) ***The next sentence says something about Morgukai in undergroud tunnels, but not why the Republic is laying siege to the city itself. Is the objective to halt the Morgukai cloning? Details, details!
 * 26) *Please add some context for Tol Skorr, as he appears out of the blue.
 * 27) **Well, there's the "Dark Acolyte" link there to be clicked, and he's kind of an aside to Bly's role in the story.
 * 28) ***He still jumps into the article seemingly at random. I suggest adding "At some point," just before the link to Dark Acolyte.
 * 29) *The transition between the second and third paragraphs of the Saleucami section is a bit awkward.
 * 30) **Could you be more specific about that?
 * 31) ***You leave the second one at "the battle proved to be nothing but a diversion" and start the next one with "Rancisis was found dead in his chambers". It could therefore be assumed by one who knows the series that the mission alluded to in the second was to distract Republic troops from the assassin's mission to kill Rancisis, but to a layperson it's rather unclear. Context is needed.
 * 32) *"the large planetary gun" What kind of gun was this?
 * 33) **The model is not specified in the comic. Basically, it's a big gun that shoots at things. ;)
 * 34) ***How droll. :-) Perhaps you could be a bit more specific, as "large planetary gun" sounds a bit inane.
 * 35) * "sent to Felucia to track down Confederate Shu Mai some weeks prior" Again, more context for Shu Mai is desired.
 * 36) **Context added.
 * 37) * "Shortly after the death of Secura, the Republic became the Galactic Empire." Bit of a lame transition, that.
 * 38) **Bit of context added.
 * 39) ***Good enough to be getting along with.
 * 40) *"Bly and fellow trooper CT-6734 (or "Galle")" Please remove the parentheses.
 * 41) **...why?
 * 42) ***Because parentheses are unencyclopedic.
 * 43) *"Zonder had been executed by Vader in days prior." Please rephrase and consolidate with the preceding sentence.
 * 44) **The prior sentence is already a bit long, methinks.
 * 45) ***Rephrasing is still desired; as it stands, this sentence is rather vague and disjointed considering the flow of the paragraph.
 * 46) *"Tremayne was not fooled, however, detecting a speeder leaving the area." How did he detect the speeder?
 * 47) **Unclear in the source. Thefourdotelipsis 02:07, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 48) ***That sentence, as well as the one immediately after, is still a bit awkward.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 15:56, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) * While "unbeknownst" may be a word, it is rather supercilious and unencyclopedic. Please reword.
 * 50) *TIMMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:20, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(0 Inqs/1 User/1 Total)
Support Oppose
 * 1) He has a pimp cape for a reason. Cull Tremayne 10:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Other than these, great. I think it's an interesting, informative read. Darth Xadún 12:30, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Holocron of Darth Xadún -
 * 2) *I feel "At a point where Sarna had come of age, she was visited by Lando Calrissian, who began courting her heavily" could be phrased better.
 * 3) **Hmmm, any suggestions?
 * 4) *"She refused to allow the Droghedans self-rule" doesn't make grammatical sense. I recommend inserting "the opportunity to self rule" or something to that effect.
 * 5) **Added.
 * 6) *The Biography ends fairly abruptly. Although this is pointed out this the "Behind the Scenes" section, are there any prospective plans Sarna has? Either way, the conclusion for the Biography could do with improving.
 * 7) **The last panel of the comic is Sarna arguing with Lando as they fly from the system. The only plans she has are the ones I already mentioned, "to convince Calrissian to join her in a new caper, with her as the brains and Calrissian as the brawn." Any suggestions here?
 * 8) *Are there any better quotes for the "Personality and traits" section? preferably showing a particular characteristic. I think you should expand this section if possible. Use examples of events that show her personality.
 * 9) **Heh. I thought Calrissian calling her a "backstabbing shrew" was showing one of her characteristics. :P I'll switch it with something else, but not sure how much better it will be. There's not a whole lot of relevant quotes relating to her personality. Also, there really aren't really too many other verifiable traits that I can mention to expand this section. I added a couple other mentions, but there's not too much else that can be added. Thanks for the review. :D Cull Tremayne 02:33, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I read the first sentence and burst out laughing. No because of the writing, but because it's, well, funny. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 00:13, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) "I'll thump him if he calls me Big-nose again." -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:53, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Either image works for me.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:31, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * I'd recommend that you swap the Dark Empire and the Evasive Action images of him around, since the Evasive Action one doesn't fit the infobox. Thefourdotelipsis 22:37, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * JMAS already has done, though I'm not entirely sure I like it. I think it's to do with the colouring of the SWE image as opposed to DE, but it looks kinda weird and loses its sinister effect, IMHO. Maybe if one of our image experts has a copy of Dark Empire they can scan the image from there and see if it looks better. I just think it looks odd as is. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:48, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Does it look a little better now? I darkened it some. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 00:53, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * It does look better, but it still doesn't like right to me. I still think the Evasive Action one looks better, and it also means the pictures can correspond with the different sections' time periods. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:39, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, this is your nomination. I'd suggest you swap it back the way you think the article looks best and see what the other Inquisitors think about it. If anyone of the others raise the same objection as Fourdot, you can always change it back to how it is now. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 13:00, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 User/1 Total)
Support


 * 1) This is my first forage on to this page. I hope it goes well. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:34, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

(0 Inq/1 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 11:54, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * This one's a bit of a golden oldie that I've recently expanded and revised, but it might seem like a bit of a Frankincense monster at the moment. I understand that the intro looks a bit big, but that's basically the nature of the beast, as it wouldn't really do to just summarize with "And she was her decoy for that thingy. Yeah." Also, if you see anything objectively wrong with the article, don't hesitate to change it! I'm not too protective of this. :) Thefourdotelipsis 11:54, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) As Culator said, these issues utterly failed to suck. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:19, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * I'll update it when Bey inevitably shows up again. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:19, 26 April 2008 (UTC)