Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Drikl Lecersen


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Drikl Lecersen

 * Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:34, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Random Moff who says some stuff while other stuff is going on.

(6 Inqs/0 Users/6 Total/INQCON 5+)
Support
 * 1) Great job.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 02:25, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  12:05, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 23:57, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Approved pending the anvil. &mdash;  Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Well done. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 12:48, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Harrar
 * 2) * I think it needs to be made clear that Caedus' relationship with Djo and Allana was unknown to Lecersen and the Moffs. "Believing the battle to be going poorly, Lecersen suggested to Caedus that they launch an attack on the Dragon Queen, the flagship of Hapes Consortium Queen Mother Tenel Ka Djo&mdash;the mother of Caedus's daughter, Allana." This suggests Lecersen knows about the relationship.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * The nanovirus paragraph (from Caedus was unable...ultimately killed him) needs to be re-written chronologically, instead of in line with Invincible ' s narrative. I.e. move the info about Lecersen secretly going against Jacen's wishes so that the reader doesn't discover it when Jacen discovers it.
 * 5) **The only problem is, Invincible doesn't say when the Moffs took the tissue samples - it may have occurred before Lecersen suggested the nanovirus, or after he and Caedus discussed it. I placed it where it is to avoid speculating.
 * 6) ***Okay then!
 * 7) * You need to add that the Moffs don't know that Allana survives.
 * 8) **Done.
 * 9) * "The Jedi forces found the Moffs seated around a tactical display in the Auxiliary Command Center, with only one dead." Something seems to be missing between this and the previous sentence. Isn't there a short firefight first?
 * 10) **Good catch. Added.
 * 11) * P&T "After Jagged Fel was suggested to become Pellaeon's successor, Lecersen showed approval for the pick—after all, he was Soontir Fel's son." &mdash; though unintended, this reads as POV.
 * 12) **Fixed.
 * 13) *Nice stuff; shows how the sleugh of conference-scene characters prominent in LOTF and FOTJ can actually be advanced. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 00:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thanks for the review, Harrar. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 18:38, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Always a pleasure. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 13:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) Blacklist:
 * 17) * "To ensure the Moffs' cooperation, Jagged Fel, son of Imperial starfighter pilot Baron Soontir Fel, was installed as Imperial Head of State." I feel that this sentence is irrelevant to Lecercen's intro, unless you also mention something about his feelings regarding Fel's appointment.
 * 18) **Done.
 * 19) * The fourth paragraph of "The offer of an Empire" section reads like it could be from anyone's bio&mdash;except Lecersen's.
 * 20) **Lecersen is never specifically named in these scenes; however, as it is a meeting of the Moff Council, he is definitely there.
 * 21) *** Well, because you identify him as the de facto leader, you can say things like, "Lecersen and the Moff Council", or somesuch. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 14:12, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ****Done.
 * 23) * Same deal with the fifth paragraph of the same section.
 * 24) **While Lecersen does not appear during this battle, these events are key to Lecersen's biography. I don't know what else to say.
 * 25) *** You have to figure out a way to somehow make this Lecersen-relevant, because an unfamiliar reader will lose track of whose article they are reading as it currently stands. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 14:12, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) ****Done.
 * 27) * This is becoming a recurring problem; I'm finding it difficult to read this from Lecercen's POV in the first paragraph of the "Battle on Nickel One" section.
 * 28) **Could you please be more specific on what's a problem?
 * 29) *** Sure. Even though he may not be specifically mentioned, you have to make the article Lecersen-specific. Otherwise, it begins to read more and more like a book report, rather than a story being told from Lecersen's POV. Trust me, it can be done. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 14:12, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ****Seeing as the majority of the first paragraph is from Lecersen's point of view, I'm going to assume that you are referring to the second paragraph. If so, done.
 * 31) *Handle these few, and more will follow. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( Talk ) 02:25, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) Pasta!
 * 33) *I'm going to try and stay out of Tommy's way while he goes through this, but I have one garlic chunk for you.
 * 34) **T here are many instances in this article where the present/future conditional is used rather than a straight up past tense. Please change these as it should be written in past tense. One such case is "He and other Moffs would again accompany&mdash;" This one does not need to be in the conditional, although it is probably acceptable for the next case in the subsequent clause. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:31, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 35) ***For clarification, it is cases of in-universe speculation on behalf of the moff where it is fine. The cases of chronology, however, is where it needs to be addressed. Would again should not substitute later or once again. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:34, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) ****Frankly, the one example you provided was the only instance I caught - maybe I'm too close to the article to see any other occurrences. If you spot any, feel free to change them. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 12:23, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) *****That's fine. Sometimes it happens when you've stared at it long enough. &mdash; Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments
 * In the process of finding images that are somewhat connected to him. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:34, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Alright, images added. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 01:46, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * He has a first name now. :P  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:41, 12 August 2009 (UTC)