Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Axe (clone)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Axe (clone)
> JangFett  Talk 22:15, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nominated by: Victor  Sienar.svg (talk page ) 03:14, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job; this article has come a long way :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 07:30, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Objections addressed via IRC. -- Darth tom Imperial Emblem.svg (Imperial Intelligence)  12:58, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  15:12, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6)  CC7567  (talk) 22:17, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Object style="color:#003">Jujiggum ]]) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 17:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC) > JangFett  Talk 15:28, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First sentence in the intro is a run-on, please fix.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * The intro is disproportionately large compared to the bio, please cut it down some.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) ***I believe it is still a little long. Please cut out any information that is really not very relevant.
 * 7) ****Addressed
 * 8) *****Better length, but now it reads: "However, Vulture droids to Blue Squadron." Please please please check this and the rest of the article for grammar issues. Jonjedigrandmaster  ([[User talk:Jonjedigrandmaster|<span
 * 1) ******I saw that and corrected it a while back.
 * 2) * Intro: "the group experienced bad luck&hellip;" Could this be changed to something less colloquial?
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Intro: "Aze was shot down by a droid, which caused his fighter to overload above Ryloth." This is very vague wording. He was shot down, and his fighter overloaded. Wwhat do you mean by "overload"? Did it explode? Did he die? Please clarify.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * You should start the bio with a basic introduction as to who Axe is.
 * 7) **Addessed
 * 8) ***This one still remains. please check.
 * 9) ****Sorry, Addressed.
 * 10) *****Better, but is there any way this can be merged with other info in the bio? It is a little too small to stand by itself. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) ******Addressed
 * 12) * Also, check for over-underlinking. Once again, I got some of these, but there were several extra and missed links. Double check the article for any more.
 * 13) **Addressed
 * 14) * Bio: "as more enemy star destroyers joined Tuuk's blockade." First off, "Star Destroyers" should be capitalized, however, this may be irrelevant, as I don't recall the CIS ever using Star Destroyers. Correct me if I'm wrong, but please check on this.
 * 15) **Indeed, I changed it to "Munificent-class frigates".
 * 16) * P&t: "Like all clone trooper pilots who serve the Republic, Axe was known to be good pilot and strong leader under Blue Squadron." This needs to be reworded, as it implies that all clone pilots lead Blue Squadron, as well as that there were clone trooper pilots who did not serve the Republic. Also, a "leader" would not be "under" the people he was commanding. So Axe would be a leader of Blue Squadron, not under.
 * 17) **Addressed
 * 18) ***This one still remains. Now you merely imply that all clones in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Also, you will need to source this section, and I don't know of any source that says that all clone pilots in Blue Squadron were good pilots and strong leaders. Later in the P&t, his Squadron leader was his superior, which makes the last sentence make no sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:59, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Hope this is better, I reworded the entire paragraph.
 * 20) *****Much better :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:41, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 21) *The biggest problem right now with the article is the number of grammatical errors; please run through the article and re-check for these. I've fixed a couple, but many remain. Once you get them, I'll provide a more in-depth review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 22:48, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) **Addressed and read through the article once more. Corrected numerous grammatical errors.
 * 23) Preliminaries
 * 24) *I'll get to a proper review later, but right now the article is way too subsectioned for the amount of content it has. Please fix this.  CC7567  (talk) 22:54, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Are you referring to the "Biography" section?
 * 26) ***Yes, I am, as I don't see anywhere else where there are multiple sections.
 * 27) ****Addressed
 * 28) * Also, are you checking where you're linking? Both of your links to the Defender and Redeemer are disambig pages. Please go through the article again and check for things like this.  CC7567  (talk) 23:03, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) **Defender has been changed before you addressed this. Redeemer doesn't have a disambig page.
 * 30) ***Nope. The correct one is here.  CC7567  (talk) 23:08, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ****This has already been changed before you addressed it :P
 * 32) The Grand Master, part two
 * 33) * The first couple sentences in the second part of the intro are a little choppy. Reword them a little, for flow.
 * 34) **Addressed
 * 35) * "Under the command" is slightly repetative in the Bio.
 * 36) **Addressed
 * 37) * "...after they left the hangar of the leading Republic Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute." The meaning of "leading" is somewhat unclear here.
 * 38) **Addressed
 * 39) * "While they approached Tuuk's command ship..." Unclear as to "who" is. Blue Squadron? Yularen and Skywalker?
 * 40) **Addressed
 * 41) * " Tano, who was concerned for Axe and the rest of the squadron, soon realized that it was too late as more enemy Munificent-class frigates joined Tuuk's blockade." Tano realized that it was too late for what?
 * 42) **Addressed
 * 43) * "Though for Tano, it was just a order they had to comply with." Grammar, please rephrase.
 * 44) **Addressed
 * 45) *Keep up the good work. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 03:07, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 46) **Thanks for the 2nd review Jon :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) ***No problem. You're doing well, Jang. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:30, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) * Just one last thing: "Under the command of Tano, Axe participated in the ensuing space battle above Ryloth. Axe was accompanied by fellow Blue Squadron pilots Slammer, Kickback, Tucker and Swoop. While they flew in V-19 Torrent starfighters, Tano led the squadron in her Jedi starfighter. After they left the hangar of General Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute, they were quickly engaged by a tier of Vulture droids." This seems to be somewhat out of order. I'd suggest reordering or rephrasing them slightly, so that they make more sense. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) Cav's squadron briefing:
 * 5) * After Blue Squadron left the hangar of General Skywalker's Venator-class Star Destroyer, the Resolute, they were quickly engaged by a tier of Vulture droids. Who was engaged? Blue Squadron or the Resolute? It's a little unclear.
 * 6) **Addressed
 * 7) * Mention should be made that Axe is the second in command of the squadron at the start of the bio, as well as in the intro. - Cavalier One FarStar Logo.jpg( Squadron channel ) 11:09, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) **Addressed. Thanks for the review :) <span style="font-variant: small-caps; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px"
 * 1) The clone
 * 2) * Attack of the Clones isn't an appropriate source for his height; I recommend just using the Clone troopers Databank entry for all relevant infobox fields. Also, it still isn't proven that all clones were born in 32 BBY.
 * 3) **Addressed
 * 4) * Please get in something about the fact that "Axe" was a nickname, in both the intro and bio. His official name is his clone designation, which is so far unknown.
 * 5) **Addressed
 * 6) * A reference got removed in the first paragraph; please replace it.
 * 7) **Addressed
 * 8) * "Tano, who was concerned for the squadron, soon realized that more enemy Munificent-class frigates had joined Tuuk's blockade, neutralizing Blue Squadron's attack run." Can this be written from a more general point of view? It sounds like only Tano "realized" it, and not Skywalker, Yularen, or the rest of the fleet.  CC7567  (talk) 00:47, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) **Addressed, thanks for the review CC :)
 * 10) * "A clone trooper pilot, Axe was the nickname of one of the many clones of the bounty hunter Jango Fett": it sounds as if the nickname is a pilot, and it's awkward wording overall. Please rephrase.  CC7567  (talk) 04:29, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) **Addressed

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