User talk:Coruscantfan/archive 1

THIS IS AN ARCHIVE PLEASE DO NOT MAKE CHANGES

Re:External link

 * I'm not exactly sure what the issue is here, particularly since I'm not at all familiar with the content you're referring to. I know that the site doesn't particularly like it when newly registered users add links to sites that aren't Wookieepedia. Sorry, perhaps one of the other administrators could be of more assistance. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 18:11, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, we have this Filter that prevents certain actions, like putting certain words in an edit or linking to an external image. One of the things that's apparently prohibited is new users adding links to external sites, and since you just joined a few days ago, you are prevented from this action. The only solution I know? Wait a few days. If it's not working by the 22nd, tell me and I'll check with some other people and get it figured out. Waiting a few days should work fine though.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:30, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

Re
Well, first off, it needs sourcing. See Sourcing for details on how to do that.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 19:22, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fixed that for you. The infobox does need to be sourced, however. Take care of that and I'll take another look.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:20, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Everything in the infobox needs to be sourced, not just some things. Also, watch your linking. Articles should be linked once in the intro, once in the infobox, and once in the body. Oh, and remember to sign your talk page posts with four tildes (~).  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:35, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, the units, ranks, vehicles, and members sections are unneeded. Try to incorporate that information into the body. Do this, source the Legacy era paragraph, change the title of that section (Legacy era is OOU), and I'll do a readthrough of it. Good work so far; keep it up.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:00, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * If you plan to nominate it for FA, you should follow the layout of other organization FAs, which can be found here. There's no layout guide for organizations because each one is different. Really, if you want this to be FAed, you're going to have to incorporate much of the information that is merely listed into the body, or at least expand it so it's not merely a list. As for the information you can't find a source for, I'll check Legacy and see if I can that information anywhere.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:37, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * Sorry, I've been really busy and haven't gotten to it yet. I'll check you and get back to you though, don't worry.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:46, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * I checked my comics, and couldn't find anything supporting this info. Considering there are no Legacy comics in the appearances section, I'd try starting a Knowledge Bank thread, and see if anyone knows where that info comes from.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:14, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * No problem.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:14, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Happy to help. I'll try to take a look at it in the next few days. Though I'm busy with my own project on the site and RL, I'll probably be able to get around to it.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:35, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

Coruscant
The idea is the have the best quality image in the infobox. And the one from the movies is not better quality. Both images are canon. Period. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 13:30, April 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * First, let me tell you that I commend your diligence in the massive undertaking of working on the Coruscant article. I realize it is a work in progress, so these suggestions may already be on your "to do" list, but in case they aren't, here goes. In the Locations section, you should have a section for the Coruscant Underworld, as it is a major "location" of Coruscant. In the Neighborhoods, you currently have a concept art image from TCW. While isn't isn't "bad" per se, many reviewers (as I assume you're planning to take this to FA status) would rather see concept art used in the main body of an article only if nothing better is available. And in this case, this "live-action" CGI image that would probably work better there. Anyhow, your work so far looks great. -  JMAS  Jolly Trooper.png Hey, it's me! 15:18, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

Word of encouragement
I just wanted to let you know, don't get discouraged by the fact you nom for the CSF didn't go through. The first time I nominated Darth Malak, it ended in an epic fail. But I came back six months later after working more on the article and managed to get him to good status. Yes, I'll renom him for the FA's, but that's besides the point. I'm definitely not the best editor on here, but I'm here to tell you that you can do it.-- 20:28, June 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * I see that the CSF article currently lacks info from A Hero Seeks Not Vengeance, so here is what that source says about them, if you don't have a copy of it:

"Wearing armor may be the latest style on the Rimworlds, but here in civilization we usually take off our spacesuits, planetside. Heavy armor usually means trouble."

- Coruscant Security Force files

The CSF had a number of files on sightings of an unidentified armored indiviual escaping from the authorities by fleeing into the Darkside region of the Coruscant Undercity.

Possible BTS info: In the role-playing supplement A Hero Seeks Not Vengeance, it is possible for the player characters to examine CSF files on sightings of the Dark Jedi Garth Ezzar.

I hope this helps you --Jinzler 20:47, June 3, 2010 (UTC)
 * Let me know when you think you're through, and I'll go through the article with you. And MTFBWY.-- 02:56, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

Warning

 * This is a perfectly legitimate warning, and I will not remove it. You uploaded fanart based solely on your interpretation of what it said in a book. There's no other way of looking at it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:33, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * That warning is a pre-designed template meant to be used in warning those with a first offense of uploading fanart. Don't take it so personally. I didn't write that just for you. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:48, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * There's no need for multiple warning templates. WP:BLOCK clearly states that a first offense results in a warning, and a second results in a block. Just don't upload any more fanart. That way, you'll have nothing to worry about. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 23:58, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
 * If it's not from an official source, it's fanart. It's either an official image from a licensed source or not. What you uploaded is fanart. It doesn't matter if you based it upon a description in a book. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 00:06, June 11, 2010 (UTC)

CSF
I took a look at it, and I have a few suggestions. Check for under/over linking. Try to link a subject at the first opportunity. In the members section, you might consider giving subsections to prominent members of the CSF, and you could probably combine all the others in one or two paragraphs. The Members section would look similar to this one. I highly recommend asking for the aid of an Inq, such as. A lot of the info in here deals with the CW era, and he is the CW guru on site. He's also an excellent reviewer, you can't go wrong with him. Of course, I will continue my review and such.-- 00:16, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * I understand your reasoning for the linking, and I won't object to it. Others might, though. Anyway, the members section is much better, great job.-- 09:29, June 11, 2010 (UTC)

Re: CSF
Stuff:
 * Please order the intro chronologically. Mentioning Farr's murder during the Clone Wars, backtracking to mention Maul, and then going back to the Clone Wars is rather dizzying and implies the wrong chronology.
 * Make sure that the article conforms with the Manual of Style, particularly in dash usage.
 * The only current issue is the "A pre-Clone Wars CSF police officer" caption; the n-dash should be used here because "pre" is describing the "Clone Wars," which is two words.  CC7567  (talk) 23:24, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * The article should be written completely in past tense for the in-universe parts, and I'm seeing several instances in which it is not. Please check this.
 * "With now two murders to figure out, Divo is enthusiastic when Farr's assistant, Lolo Purs, comes to claim that she was attacked by Senator Halle Burtoni, a political ally of Deechi, and believes that she is the killer. The inspector had Burtoni held and attempted to trick her into a confession. In the ensuing conversation Purs herself wa found out as the killer and after a brief attempt to take Amidala hostage, was arrested by CSF." I'm noticing a rather high amount of present tense here. Also, please remember to check for typos and proper comma usage as well.  CC7567  (talk) 23:24, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * The History section overall is way too subsectioned. I'd recommend that you try to smooth it out more.
 * The History section needs to incorporate the currently accepted TCW chronology, and that means going through all information in episodic order instead of jumping around Season Two, then to the TCW film (the raid on Ziro the Hutt's Coruscant club) and to Season One ("Hostage Crisis"). Those last two bits of information (the info from the film and "Hostage Crisis") are also way too brief; a lot more context and detail needs to be given.
 * I don't know why or how, but the events of the TCW film and Hostage Crisis got moved to the "Description" section, and that information at the very least needs to be in the History section as well.  CC7567  (talk) 23:24, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Main tag should only be used in the History section if there is a relevant article on a specific event, not simply linking to other articles (like Satine Kryze or clone shock trooper) that just happen to have the same information.
 * A lot more context needs to be given about Order 66 and the CSF's involvement in the hunt for the Jedi. What caused this? Who caused this? Why were the Jedi escaping from the Temple?
 * While the Known members section is better in that it is less list-like, it is still a bit too general. Members sections are not for listing every known member of an organization; they are for detailing notable members, which is what the section should be named ("Notable members"). Currently, there doesn't seem to be enough information in each of the member subsections to even warrant a Notable member section. Please do what you can to expand them&mdash;look at personalities, not just their relations to the CSF. For the parts of the current Known members section that may not be kept when you transition it into a Notable members section, you might consider moving that information to the History section.
 * "Because of his by the book attitude, Divo would come across as slow or even dumb." That is extremely POV-oriented. If the episode doesn't directly state that, it can't be treated as canon. Additionally, while this is not a major issue, please make sure that all character personalities list information directly relevant to the individual's service in the CSF.  CC7567  (talk) 23:24, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Regarding Ottegru Grey: if that's the case, then yes, I would recommend that you remove it.  CC7567  (talk) 06:45, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Though the CSF is never mentioned by name in any of the six Star Wars films, they were made canon through various books and other Expanded Universe publications." That lack of mention in the film series can be said for quite a lot of subjects on Wookieepedia, and pointing out implies that it is unique, which it really isn't. Please just go right into specifics regarding the CSF's appearances and canonization.
 * Overall, the article has improved from what it was on the FAN, but I still recommend that you go into specifics more often. To that end, I ask that you look over the sources covering the History section (particularly the TCW-based sections) and see if any more information can be said. You'll notice that most of my review was general&mdash;that's because the article should go into detail more before it is given a detailed review. Let me know when you're done with all of these and I'll take another look.  CC7567  (talk) 03:30, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * "Two noted operations they were involved were the Raid on Ziro the Hutt's Coruscant club and a hostage situation at the Senate." This is one of the examples of places that could use more information. Why was the CSF raiding Ziro the Hutt's Palace? Who caused this hostage situation at the Senate? Who was involved in it? The best example I can give you of the expected amount of detail in an FA are the event articles themselves&mdash;while that much detail is not expected of an organization article like the CSF, it should be much more like that. I would also suggest taking a look at the current organization FAs for a better feel on what is expected of an organization article.  CC7567  (talk) 23:24, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay; I understand your reasoning. Thank you for clarifying it.  CC7567  (talk) 06:45, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * The image placement is much too congested at the moment. Images should only come every few paragraphs or one per section, whichever comes first.
 * The term "unidentified" should not be used at all in IU articles&mdash;just because we, the fans, find something unidentified doesn't mean that the individual is "unidentified" from an in-universe perspective.  CC7567  (talk) 23:24, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
 * Still remains. Please check.  CC7567  (talk) 06:45, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * Please note that some of your "CSF" abbreviations are incorrect&mdash;it should always say "the CSF" as if it wasn't abbreviated. I'd recommend looking into this.
 * The majority of the uses of CSF are still quite inconsistent. Please check the entire article.  CC7567  (talk) 03:59, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * If you link to articles in image captions (like you do for the Divo one in the Organization section), you're going to have to link to everything at its first appearance like you do in the article body. I would just recommend that you not link to stuff in captions unless absolutely necessary, and that would only be the case if a particular subject isn't linked anywhere else in the article.  CC7567  (talk) 06:45, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
 * I do see an improvement for this, but the Bts image still has linking. Please be consistent throughout the article.  CC7567  (talk) 03:59, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * As a final note, please make sure that the Source list is entirely complete and that it is ordered correctly (that goes for the online SW.com articles too). All corresponding TCW episode guides should be listed, and there may or may not be info on the CSF from the Star Wars: The Clone Wars Character Encyclopedia&mdash;I recommend that you check this yourself somehow. While I may not be checking this objection for reasons outlined below, I'm leaving it to you to see that it is fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 02:07, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

At this point, although there are still a few issues here and there on grammar, I do not feel that I have the time to run through the article in-depth with you outside of the FAN. That being said, if you still intend to promote it to FA status, I would recommend that you run through the entire article on your own and check for overall cleanliness, including linking (once and only once at the first mention of each article) and grammar, before you nominate the article. Reading the article out loud to yourself may be one of the more effective ways to catch minor errors, although you can also use word-processing programs like Microsoft Word to check your grammar (and spelling too). If you would like to ask other Inqs to review the article for you, you are welcome to do so, but I personally do not feel that it is appropriate to get down to the nitty-gritty stuff with you outside of the FAN&mdash;that is something that the official review process has to teach. If you have any further questions, don't hesitate to contact me.  CC7567  (talk) 02:07, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

Re: CSF FA nomination
I will try to review it when I can, but I already have some requests on my plate, and I generally try to give older FANs precedence because they have been waiting longer. I'll try to get to the CSF when I have the chance.  CC7567  (talk) 01:54, July 20, 2010 (UTC)
 * It mostly depends where there's space. Currently, I'd say the Appearances section would be the best choice, as it's the highest up.  CC7567  (talk) 02:54, July 21, 2010 (UTC)