Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

 The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.


 * Featured article history
 * Featured article queue

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip;be well-written and detailed.
 * 2) &hellip;be unbiased, non-point of view.
 * 3) &hellip;be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
 * 4) &hellip;follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
 * 5) &hellip;not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
 * 6) &hellip;not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
 * 7) &hellip;have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
 * 8) &hellip;have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction.
 * 9) &hellip;have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
 * 10) &hellip;not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
 * 11) &hellip;be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Sourcing for more information.
 * 12) &hellip;have all quotes and images sourced.
 * 13) &hellip;provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
 * 14) &hellip;include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
 * 15) &hellip;include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
 * 16) &hellip;include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
 * 17) &hellip;pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
 * 18) &hellip;counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:


 * 1) First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
 * 2) Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 3) Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
 * 4) The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
 * 5) Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."

How to vote:

Also remember to add FAnom at the top of the article you are nominating.
 * 1) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
 * 2) Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
 * 3) If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
 * 4) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 5) Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."
 * 6) Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the Featured template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the Featured article template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.

(3 Inq/1 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Major issues listed here have been addressed. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Could still transition better, but nicely done. I'm confident that other reviews will improve this prose further.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Few minor points talked about in IRC. Thefourdotelipsis 04:04, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, everyone can stop editing it now. I've just checked ~530 links for disambigs and redirects and cleaned up a few dozen redundant ref tags and don't want to have to do it again! 8^Þ -- Darth Culator  (Talk) 04:48, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Toprawa:
 * 2) *You've done a nice job, Yrfeloran, making some major additions to this article. Unfortunately, it's still quite a ways away from being up to FA standards. Without even reading through, I pick up on the following problems:
 * 3) * The infobox must be completely sourced, as does the succession box at the bottom of the page.
 * 4) **Done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Complete sourcing includes sourcing the "Era(s)" field. I've done this for you, but please source this next time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:44, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Any quotes within the article must go at the beginning of sections, after the subhead, not in the middle of paragraphs.
 * 7) **Most of those were residual old paragraphs - done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *The entire article is little more than 1-2 sentence paragraphs summarizing events. While I'm certainly not a huge prequel trilogy fan, having never read the majority of these sources, this tells me that you've done just that, quickly generalizing important topics while skipping out on juicy details. Featured Articles must be comprehensive, not only including material from all relevant sources, but also detailing that information to a great degree. An article like Dooku, for as much information is out there on him, should have dozens of paragraphs several sentences in length. It's just too thin right now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:50, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ** There was a formatting issue with some prior authors' styles, which I've now fixed. It now "looks better". As for actual content, there have been significant expansions and section mergings. Dooku's article over the period of the movies was probably more in-depth than recently re-FAd Grievous, for instance, even before I revamped it. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) LtNOWIS
 * 11) * Image:Quarren league.jpg, Image:DookuVSGrievous.jpg, and Image:DookuBTS.jpg need more specific sources. The Clone Wars shots need to specify which episodes, and the databank shot needs a link to the page it's from. -LtNOWIS 10:19, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) **Muuuuuurgh helped with this. Thanks, Muuuuuurgh! Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
 * 14) * Needs a longer and more comprehensive intro.
 * 15) ** Intro has been expanded somewhat. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * I won't get specific, but it's way too light on detail. Most of the article is just short paragraph, then a new section.
 * 17) *This can be brought to FA, but it will take a lot of time and commitment. If you can do it, I commend you.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 11:30, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) More stuff from me:
 * 19) * Both Sith Apprentice and Leaving the Order have paragrpahs that are no more than one or two sentences. Combine sentences in those sections or expand them.
 * 20) **Combination and expansion done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * Combine the sections Jedi confrontation and successful escape.
 * 22) **Done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * You link way too much. Link onc ein the intro and then once in the body.
 * 24) **This was kind of inevitable, since the original article was overlinked and additions were made piecemeal. I think I've pruned about all of them Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) * De-link the quote in Endgame.
 * 26) **Done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) * Remove the sentence about Quinlan Vos in the Legacy section.
 * 28) **done Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) *I am very impressed with what you've done so far. Keep up the good work.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 13:48, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 30) From the legal pad scrawling of Atarumaster88
 * 31) * Lot of short paragraphs need fleshed out or combined with others.
 * 32) **I've done a fair bit of this. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) * I'd say remove some of the shorter sections by combining them with others also.
 * 34) ** And a lot of section combining Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) * Compare your appearances/sources list to the reference list. A quick check reveals no information from the following:
 * 36) ** Star Wars: Battlefront
 * 37) ** Some of those HoloNet news.
 * 38) ** Boba Fett: Crossfire
 * 39) ** Republic 49.
 * 40) ** Legacy of the Jedi
 * 41) ** And I'm sure there are more.
 * 42) ***Most of those were actually there - Legacy was ref'd 8 times, Crossfire and 49 were there but cited as Fight to Survive and 50. I did some expansion on the HNN stuff and added Battlefront. Yrfeloran 03:00, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 43) *Needs a non-canon appearance section. (Ugh)
 * 44) **I'm probably going to need help with this one. I've got the bare bones of one up. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) ***I see most of them done. Is there additional information in the LEGO video games that's not there yet? Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 46) ****I've asked - apparently not Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 47) * Properly reference all Clone Wars cartoon series references by chapter.
 * 48) **Done for all IU refs Yrfeloran 03:35, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 49) *It's a lot better than it was, but still will need work, as others have already said. Feel free to drop by WP:NEGTC for additional help, though, or my talk page. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 23:27, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) From the full-fledged desk of Atarumaster88
 * 51) * Dooku's role in Jedi:Shaak Ti could use mention.
 * 52) **OK, it's got a mention Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 53) * Same thing with Republic 54.
 * 54) **Somebody who's read this in the past year definitely needs to double-check, but added. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 55) * I'm not seeing any information from the Shadowfeed.
 * 56) **Added Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 57) ***<There are three or four Shadowfeed appearances in the appearance list, but only 1 reference that I saw. Did you get them all?
 * 58) ****There's one trivial one, and the fragment of a Fete day address that doesn't have much content besides "we're awesome, Republic sucks" Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 59) * Mention Dooku's role in the Battle of Jabiim.
 * 60) **mentioned Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * Check also Republic 59, 60, and 61. I forget whether those have key mentions.
 * 62) ** They don't, but I added 64 Yrfeloran 00:58, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) * Yoda's lesson to Dooku in EGTTF might be good P&T material.
 * 64) ** I was thinking about doing that, but it's hard to wedge it in. He's like 7, too. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) ***Added an oblique mention in Childhood Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * Your EGTTF refs, at least, are all off and are seemingly removing content from the article.There's a sentence or two missing from his tutelage under Cerulian. When you reference, your first reference to a source should like like, but your subsequent references should only include to avoid errors. And also, the field of , the blah part is just a placeholder and so you can abbreviate to shorten the code, just keep it understandable.
 * 67) **The Thame stuff was due to a different malformed reference that I fixed. I'll trim some of these as I come across them, but with the amount of paragraph merging/etc. going around it is really useful as an editor in this particular situation to have more than one ref linked. Also "blah" should be full source name per Layout Guide, which I agree with. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) ***Heh, I stand corrected. Though the use of abbreviated referencing is sorta common. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 69) ****Yeah, there's some legacy ones on the Dooku page, but on an article this size when you're editing a section at a time it's a -massive- pain to look up what the page's nickname of the source you want is. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) * All your references have the same error, it appears.
 * 71) * " Though Dooku's behavior and beliefs as a Jedi had previously been within the scope of Jedi orthodoxy,[1] there is evidence that in the period before he left the Order he flirted with the belief that the dark side of the Force could be called upon without personal corruption.[17]." This sentence is OOU and should be rewritten to conform with the MoS. At the very least, the tense is wrong.
 * 72) **Fixed I guess. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 73) * Lot of short sentences in the last paragraph of "Leaving the Order".
 * 74) **Made some a little longer? Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 75) * Need context on Palpatine. His double identity as Darth Sidious is not discussed, and the casual reader may not be awareof that.
 * 76) **Added this. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 77) * OOU/tense issues with this: "It is suspected that Dooku himself did this, but it is unclear how he accomplished it." also. Recall that EGTTF is an IU publication, if that helps.
 * 78) ** Fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 79) * Jumps back and forth about his Sith status. He's supposed to be a Sith Lord in "Sith apprentice" but his Sith training is still ongoing during the Bando Gora episode. Clarify please.
 * 80) ** Noncontradictory. One becomes an apprentice first, then learns Sith stuff. See Vader. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 81) ***You have him listed as a "fully-fledged Sith Lord", not as a Sith apprentice, and then went on to later discuss his training.
 * 82) **** OK, removed the adjective Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 83) * 2nd paragraph of "Moving the pieces" could use a more varied sentence syntax.
 * 84) **fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 85) * "To the surprise of both parties, Dooku himself was present". Present where? Needs more context.
 * 86) ** Added context Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 87) * More context needed on initial mention of Vos and Secura.
 * 88) ** Added a little bit here. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 89) * More context needed on Ansion's alliances and Dooku's manipulations there.
 * 90) ** Added Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 91) * "The Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi then traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there, and also discovered the clone army that Dooku had once ordered. This army was now fully grown and ready for action." Condense this, but give some more context in general on Episode II. The Jedi rescue force in particular.
 * 92) ** OK, did a little more context.
 * 93) * Be specific about some Episode II details. List the factions involved in the CIS. List the creatures in the arena.
 * 94) ** Done, though the CIS stuff inevitably comes across as a little listy.
 * 95) * In general, it is not advisable to use the first names of characters. A few exceptions might include major characters, but not, say, Zam Wesell.
 * 96) ** OK Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 97) * More detail on arena battle and Dooku's role in it.
 * 98) ** Uh, OK, added that he watched from the balcony :P Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 99) * 2nd para of "The clones attack" is all short sentences.
 * 100) ** fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 101) * "spectacular duel" is POV.
 * 102) ** fixed Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 103) * Sev'rance Tann's role in Dooku's escape from Geonosis, as well as the Dark Acolytes blocking Windu in their tanks should be mentioned.
 * 104) ** Like Padme falling out of the gunship, I don't think this is really directly relevant to Dooku's article. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 105) ***I'll accept the explanation on the tanks, but I think Sev'rance Tann's role as the chief commander of the droid armies could use some explanation, and that ties in well with her role in helping Dooku escape. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 106) ****I added a little more context with Tann in the proper section. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 107) *You're about halfway to my ending catchphrase, but I think there's plenty here for now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 108) " Even as the Separatist movement grew and coalesced around Dooku as a leader, the Jedi Council did not believe he could be behind the violence.[24] although he". I think your reference is eating some of your text here.
 * 109) **fixed Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 110) * 3 short paragraphs in "A new ally" could use merging.
 * 111) ** I did a little bit of addition, but I think merging those paragraphs would hurt more than it'd help Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 112) * More context needed on "Sidious said that it did not matter either way.".
 * 113) ** Added Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 114) * This is related to above, but Tann's role and actions are never explained properly in relation to Dooku.
 * 115) **Tried to address this Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 116) * Again, check your linking. A lot of things are overlinked, but don't worry too much about it; that can be corrected automatically.
 * 117) * The first name thing is fine with say, Anakin and Obi-Wan as long as it's not overrused, but certainly not with minor characters. Nothing you haven't seen before. ;-)
 * 118) ** I'll fix it as I go, but not for, say, Tallisibeth Enwandung-Esterhazy Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 119) ***Spoilsport. :-P Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 120) * Just a general suggestion: Try reading the article aloud to see how it flows. Parts of it don't read that well, and a few small tweaks would fix those.
 * 121) * The section title "Miscellaneous villainy" needs reworded. Dare I say it doesn't sound encyclopediac?
 * 122) **Unencyclopediac...but -so- true. OK, reworded. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 123) * These two don't flow well together: "Droids planted charges on the planet and prepared for detonation. The Separatist-allied inhabitents of Viidaav would have also been killed."
 * 124) **Reworded whole section Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 125) * "Miscellaneous villainy" has a large number of short paragraphs and the content is disjointed. Let the prose flow within you.
 * 126) **It's hard. Mostly random CWA stuff. Gave it a shot Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 127) * Short paragraphs in meeting on Vjun.
 * 128) **Did some work there. Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 129) *" She had previously been defeated and humiliated by Anakin Skywalker on Coruscant.[61] However, a Republic fleet arrived before the process was completed." These two have no tie-in, and don't flow well together either.
 * 130) **Added more context Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 131) * Last paragraph on Saleucami needs more context, or give background on the battle more towards the beginning. Either way.
 * 132) **done Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 133) * "Sidious also ordered Grievous to attack Coruscant and simultaneously to the Separatist assault on Tythe." Clarify this sentence.
 * 134) **did so Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 135) * "General Grievous was unaware that his hapless captive was also the feared mastermind behind the Confederation. Dooku arrived on the Invisible Hand and took charge of the prisoner." These two sentences don't flow well together.
 * 136) **Tried to segue better Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 137) * Link the Invisible Hand.
 * 138) **It was linked in the first mention Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 139) * Link to the saber forms and even provide some context on them if you feel it would be good.
 * 140) **I'd prefer not to, having just rescued the article from an unhealthy obsession with Makashi. I have some in the lightsaber training section, but it needs to stay out of the ROTS fight or else it will morph into "Ataru beat Makashi" instead of "Anakin beat Dooku". Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 141) ***Fair enough. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:35, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 142) *" In a burst of power, Anakin overpowered Dooku". The power of the sentence is a mite overwhelming.
 * 143) **did some rewording Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 144) * Remove the section header "Revelation". It's unnecessary and interrupts the events on Invisible Hand
 * 145) **OK....I did this, but I'm not sure I'm happy with it. Lose "Kill him now" quote, for one. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 146) * Redlinks. Waaaay too many.
 * 147) **Down to three now Yrfeloran 04:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 148) *Keep working on it. Chances are that this'll go through a couple more reviews, but don't give up; this has potential. Have a Super Terrific Friendly-Unfrustrating Day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 149) From the squalid cublicle of Graestan (Part One):
 * 150) * Abbreviating the ref names would be most helpful in an article of such scope.
 * 151) **I abbreviated prime offender Essential Guide to the Force, but most everything else is linked only a few times. Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 152) * More thorough and consistent linking is desired.
 * 153) * POV-ish statements abound. "Legendary" and "vastly overmatched" in particular. I suggest going over the article, seeking out anything that isn't inherently neutral or makes value judgments not specifically established by canon.
 * 154) * It's pretty thoroughly established precedent in featured articles that aside from a few whole-name mentions, last names are to be used except in instances of multiple individuals mentioned in the article having the same last name. Please look through and change accordingly; I've already done a bit of Jinning Qui-Gons.
 * 155) **FWIW, for main characters, IMO, such as Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, etc. it's permissible to use first names provided it's not overly done. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 156) ***Who says? You? I had a round-and-round debate with about ten users that told me otherwise a few months ago. I'm sticking with their consensus that I wasn't a part of. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 157) ****Heh, well, I'd talked to Greyman and Toprawa about it for Wormhead, and they said that using "Luke" instead of constantly stating "Skywalker" was okay. Perhaps we should come to a better understanding on this issue at the next Inq meeting. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 158) * "Building from this foundation" doesn't really sit well with me.
 * 159) **I've rephrased this whole section Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 160) * Calling Cerulian a historian and then stating that his interests were in history is a bit redundant.
 * 161) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 162) * "Historically knowledgeable and politically apt" implies that he had a history of being knowledgeable and was apt for political reasons. Please rephrase; a shame, that was a pretty one.
 * 163) **See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 164) * "Dooku and Qui-Gon were forced to surrender to the pirates when Colicoid Eradicator droids threatened the factory's child workers, and were injected with toxins that paralyzed them and rendered them unconscious." – Clarify who has what done. Also, give a little explanation of motivations.
 * 165) **The scene itself is a little confusing - it's unclear who they surrendered too, and it's unclear who injected the, I did some cleanup Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 166) *More later. Thanks for your time. Graestan ( Talk ) 17:53, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 167) From the squalid cubicle of Graestan (Part Two):
 * 168) * "one of the only ones" – Yuck; reword, please.
 * 169) **Reworded this Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 170) * Vosa was his second Padawan, not a second Padawan, which would be a no-no. Please revise.
 * 171) **Cleaned up, though I daresay you could have fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 172) ***Actually, was asking for clarity. She could have been a second without my knowing it. Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 173) * "This was in a way the truth" steps a bit too far out of the universe for comfort.
 * 174) **Fixed. See above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 175) * Explain that the Death Watch are Mandalorians.
 * 176) **Got it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 177) * The transition from Galidraan to Baltizaar, then back to Galidraan is a bit rough. Can this be rearranged?
 * 178) ** Slightly tweaked Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 179) * No setup for Maul?
 * 180) **Fixed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 181) * Was his bust in the Archives before or after he left? Please clarify.
 * 182) **Clarified Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 183) * It is stated twice that Dooku retired to Serenno and so forth.
 * 184) **I think someone fixed this - it looks okay to me. Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 185) * An explanation for Sifo-Dyas's order with the Kaminoans is required. Why, who it was for, etc.
 * 186) **There's...not much I can do with this. Sifo-Dyas's motivations are still entirely unclear. It's a fuzzy, confused area of canon that makes very little plot sense. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 187) ***Not even that it was speculated that he foresaw some need, and that the order was for the Republic? Graestan ( Talk ) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 188) ****It's unsettled enough that it's speculation still, and it's not out of the question that he was working for Sidious somehow. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 189) *****I could swear that I read somewhere about what I laid out&mdash;Sifo-Dyas's foresight. Is it possible some source material should be checked? And at the very least, that he placed the order in the name of the Republic should be stated. Graestan ( Talk ) 16:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 190) ******Okay, I did some tweaking Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 191) * No mention of the Dagobah system's deletion?
 * 192) **Sure, threw it in. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 193) * Establish what the Deep Core is.
 * 194) **Done Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 195) * Okay, I demand either an Equipment section or at least a longer mention of the solar sailer in the bio. Also, Geonosian sailing vessels? Are we talking in space, or on Geonosis's as-yet-unseen seas?
 * 196) **Added some stuff Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 197) * "ex-Mandalorians" – This can't be worded right. Aren't they Mandalorian by culture, not so much affiliation?
 * 198) **Fixed Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 199) ***For what it's worth, I think the term "ex-Mandalorian" is used in Legacy: Noob. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 200) * No setup for Nat Secura.
 * 201) **Touched this up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 202) * "of the &hellip; of the" in the next paragraph reads awkwardly.
 * 203) **Reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 204) * "While gathering support for secession from the Republic" – This has literally no context whatsoever.
 * 205) **Rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 206) * It should be explained why Sidious was interested in Sheelal.
 * 207) **Done Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 208) * What personal grievance against the Huks? This reads something like a teaser; please go into some detail.
 * 209) **This wasn't really critical, so I removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 210) * No mention of when and why Grievous took up his name.
 * 211) **I had this wrong and removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 212) * Honestly, I'd rewrite the Grievous section. It needs to read a bit more like a story.
 * 213) **Grievous section rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 214) *More later. Graestan ( Talk ) 02:18, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 215) From the Family-sized Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
 * 216) *I've made a good way through the article, fixing up some things doing a first-run copyedit. Here are some other thoughts within the Biography section, divided by subsection&hellip;
 * 217) *Childhood:
 * 218) ** "However, Lorian Nod was jealous of Dooku being chosen as a Padawan before him, and stole a Sith holocron from the quarters of Thame Cerulian." By linking these sentences you are saying that there is a connection between Nod's jealousy and him stealing the holocron. If this is the case, state what the connection is. Otherwise, sever the sentences.
 * 219) ***It's Jude Watson logic. I did some more expansion there. Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 220) ** Nothing precedes the next sentence stating that Nod was caught. If added as an introductory clause, you will have to restructure this sentence.
 * 221) ***Expanded stuff Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 222) ** Did Nod and Dooku become bitter enemies before or after they went before the council? Something seems out of order here; though, this may be cleared up if it is stated that (and how, if possible) Nod was caught.
 * 223) ***see above Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 224) ** "His teacher sat on the Jedi Council, and was a keen historian, even inquiring into the history of the Sith." I'm not quite sure why this sentence is here or its overall relevance. It could simply be stated above that Cerulian sat on the Council by working it into his initial introduction, unless he was not seated on it by that time. Does the fact that Cerulian inquired into the Sith play a role for Dooku somehow? If not, I would strongly advise that this not be included.
 * 225) ***Did some tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 226) ** I suggest combining the last two paragraphs into one, with the first beginning "Even under the tutelage of Cerulian, Master Yoda&hellip;" Then, the current location of this similar clause would become "With the combined influences of his Master and others, Dooku became&hellip;"
 * 227) ***Someone else did this; I did some further tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 228) ****I still ended up combining them. Two sentence paragraphs are, by and large, discouraged.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 229) *Knight and Master:
 * 230) ** Link to Lorian Nod's headquarters.
 * 231) ***I ended up doing this, as well. Be aware that it creates a red link, but having an article for this would be necessary eventually.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 232) ****I know I mentioned this to you on IRC, but the place is so completely undescribed and unnotable that I don't think an article on it would serve any purpose. Yrfeloran 18:56, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 233) *****It may not seem like it is necessary, but it I prefer completeness on behalf of the encyclopedia.
 * 234) ** "Dooku acted as a teacher to Jinn, not a friend, and the two drifted apart in later years." Later years implies that they drifted as they both got 'old and gray.' I remember reading that they gradually drifted apart over the years but that it began almost immediately after Jinn was knighted. If I am correct in remembering this, you might want to reword this sentence.
 * 235) ***I deleted it- it wasn't really necessary Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 236) ****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 237) ** "The Council soon agreed that his skills made him well suited for such field work." Soon? I don't follow; don't think this word belongs in there.
 * 238) ***Cut soon Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 239) *Galidraan:
 * 240) ** The subsection title isn't all that descriptive and doesn't really encompass all that is covered in this subsection. I would encourage a change, though others might not see the need to do so.
 * 241) ***I'd kind of prefer to keep it - Galidraan's a very critical event in Dooku's character arc. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 242) ****Fair enough.
 * 243) ** Komari Vosa isn't mentioned until the Galidraan subsection, but I believe should be mentioned in the subsection prior. Possibly, you could simply include it right after the "Old Guard" sentence. Unless, of course, Vosa was taken as a Padawan when the uprising began. Any other information you can add on Vosa and Dooku's reaction/thoughts toward/reasons for taking/etc. would be very useful in the relocated area.
 * 244) ***Motivations? I wish. We don't even have a real motivation for him becoming a Sith Lord :P. Moved Vosa. Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 245) ** "This was partially true, as he had hired Jango Fett and his followers, the True Mandalorians, to eliminate his own enemies, and was now working with Fett's enemy Vizsla and the Mandalorian splinter faction known as the Death Watch to destroy Fett and his faction." Very heavily this reads. This should be broken up into two, possibly three sentences.
 * 246) ***I expanded this Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 247) ** "Dooku submitted a protest to the Jedi Council after Baltizaar, arguing that the Council was wasting Jedi lives for political reasons." Expand.
 * 248) ***IIRC, that's about all the information provided from EGTTF. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 249) ****What Ataru said Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 250) *****Fair enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 251) *Leaving the Order:
 * 252) ** "He was the last former Jedi Master to be counted among the Lost Twenty, and a bronzium bust of him was created to join the other sculptures of the Lost in the Jedi Archives." So, he was already one of the "Lost Twenty" before he left the Order? Reword and clarify.
 * 253) ***I did a little expansion here Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 254) *Sith apprentice:
 * 255) ** "Shortly after Dooku left the Order, Master Sifo-Dyas ordered a clone army in secret from the planet Kamino." There is a syntax error somewhere in there that makes the "in secret" part not work. Which are you considering secret or secretive?
 * 256) ***Think I fixed it. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 257) ****Yes, that makes it work.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 258) ** "Information about secret Jedi hyperspace routes through the Deep Core region in the center of the galaxy were also stolen." Stolen or erased? Double check this. If you can confirm this as stolen, do not use "also" as it implies that these things had the same done to them. Rather, use "In addition", or "Additionally," at the head of the sentence.
 * 259) ***I'll do this later, but yes, stolen. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 260) **** Ok. I remembered it incorrectly. Nevertheless, I would change the head of the sentence as suggested per it being stolen.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 261) *****Touched up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 262) ******I'm still trying to fathom why Dooku would need to steal them. :)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 263) *Moving the pieces
 * 264) ** "On a mission to the planet Geonosis, on Sidious's behalf, he impressed Archduke Poggle the Lesser with his knowledge of ancient Geonosian atmospheric sailing vessels and was presented with a Punworcca 116-class interstellar sloop." You should separate the ship presentation from the rest of the sentence.
 * 265) ***Done Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 266) ** "Dooku's Sith training was soon interrupted by Sidious with an urgent matter." Earlier in the last section it is mentioned that Dooku was under instruction of Sidious, but this is an overt statement about training. What training? It is not clearly mentioned earlier and should be if he was in fact "training" in the ways of the dark side of the Force. Expand.
 * 267) ***Sidious mentions he's interrupting Dooku's training in Bounty Hunter, but we never directly see the training itself, though Dooku very vaguely refers to it in Labyrinth of Evil Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 268) **** If it is that strongly referred to, it merits a mention. We may not see it, but if it is stated, then it would be a far statement to say that it occurred.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 269) *****Made small additions here. Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 270) ******Thank you. This works better now.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 271) ** "Dooku had previously encountered Vosa in her new identity and allowed her to live as an experiment, but now Sidious commanded her death." If she was seen or encountered earlier, she should probably be mentioned earlier. Expand.
 * 272) ***Heh! More events only known about from Bounty Hunter dialogue. Very vague paraphrase from memory: Sidious:"You didn't kill her the last time you met. Why?" Dooku: *shifty* "An experiment." Sidious: "The experiment has failed. I want her dead." No more details than that. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 273) **** I'd reword the sentence then to say something along the lines of "Even though Dooku did not divulge his reasoning, he kept Vosa alive as an 'experiment'." (Single quotes would become double quotes in the text. In this instance, something to this effect covers all the bases – tweaks in wording give the reader the knowledge that nothing more can be found on this topic.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 274) *****I did some rephrasing Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 275) *A pair of miscellaneous thoughts:
 * 276) **Yes, this is only the first part, but do not be discouraged. Many, many authors have had their hands in the text since it has been created and you are doing a nice job ironing it out as best as possible. I commend you for this.
 * 277) **If you cite something at the end of a compound sentence, it is etiquette to make certain that both parts of the sentence are from that source. If not, cite the other source after the comma and before the conjunction. If the sentence isn't compound, try to avoid mid-sentence citations unless you are listing things out.
 * 278) *Keep up the good work and I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:12, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 279) Seconds from Fiolli's Pasta Bowl:
 * 280) *Moving the pieces:
 * 281) ** Not really an objection, but this needs to be at least addressed. Poggle the Lesser is mentioned in the Grievous section as being a part of Dooku's group to recruit the general. Was this an extension of their prior relationship and was this relationship what helped to prompt Geonosis to secede from the Republic?
 * 282) ***Poggle's actually Sidious's minion...i added a mention that he was Dooku's ally. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 283) *Creating Grievous:
 * 284) ** "They planted an ion bomb was on Grievous's shuttle Martyr." Huh?
 * 285) ***Did a little more expanding here Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 286) ** "Dooku personally trained Grievous in lightsaber combat, turning the cyborg became a deadly killer of Jedi." The last half of this reads funny. I think I know what you are trying to say, but it is awkward.
 * 287) ***Oh, this was an error. Changed Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 288) *Birth of Seperatists:
 * 289) ** "Separatist sentiment soon spread, and on some planets turned into armed resistance against the Republic." Syntactic error.
 * 290) ***Tweaked Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 291) ** "Dooku's next move was to try and bring the planet Ansion into the future Confederacy." The Confederacy doesn't exist yet. You're still talking about the birth of a movement, refer to the Separatist movement instead.
 * 292) ***Changed this. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 293) ** "Shu Mai had also handled a small rebellion among the secret supporters of secession in the Commerce Guild." Handled doesn't seem to work. I'm not sure what this sentence really means.
 * 294) ***Changed to 'dealt with' Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 295) **"Industrialist Tam Uliss wished to step up their plans and go public despite Ansion's failure to secede. Shu Mai informed Dooku that she had given this faction an object lesson by killing Tam Uliss in a staged accident. Dooku was pleased, telling Shu Mai that their plans were nearing completion." What plans? Secession? The same plans as Dooku?
 * 296) ***Frequently referred to but never quite explained Republic-destroying plans. Tweaked. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 297) ***As with Sidious, nobody actually sees the plan. They're just assured everything is going according to it. ;) Tweaked.Yrfeloran 22:08, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 298) ****Clear up "go public" then. The plans I was referring to are Mai's plans.
 * 299) *****Seriously, I've reread The Approaching Storm, and this is the best I can do. Mai and the Corporate Alliance's thwarted plans of what they'll do if Ansion secedes are also really really vague Republic-destroying plans that aren't explained Yrfeloran 02:16, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 300) *Conspiracy revealed:
 * 301) ** "Kenobi found Jango Fett there, as well as the clone army that Dooku had once ordered." It is stated above (in the text) that Sifo-Dyas ordered the army, but Dooku paid for it. Please fix.
 * 302) ***Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 303) ** "Dooku then told Obi-Wan that Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord, had control over the Senate. and made one last appeal for Obi-Wan to defect, saying that together they could destroy the Sith." Do you want this separated into two sentences or as one? I like the idea of two, personally.
 * 304) ***Oh, that was sloppy of me. Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 305) *I am going to have to stop here for now. I apologize that this is taking so long. Things are looking much better, Yrf. Congrats. I'll be back with more later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 306) Now onward to the Fiolli's Special Antipasto
 * 307) *Arena bloodbath:
 * 308) ** "He did not, however, as it was not the Jedi way." Some might disagree, but unless this is stated in the text explicitly, I think this violates NPoV and should not be included.
 * 309) ***It is (it's actually a major point in Shatterpoint), but I changed it anyway Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 310) ****Okay.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:25, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 311) *Jedi confrontation:
 * 312) ** "Leaping into action, the two engaged in a spectacular duel." Check PoV. Tone down "spectacular" to something like "fierce."
 * 313) ***Done Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 314) *Early conflicts:
 * 315) ** "Encountering one another in the cargo bay of Dooku's ship for the second time, Dooku stated his curiosity about the Force Harvester's effects on a Jedi." Wording suggests that this the second time in the ship's cargo bay rather than the second time over all.
 * 316) ***Changed Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 317) **"He used the Harvester on Aargonar, Bakura and Mon Calamari before retreating to Thule to prepare the rest of the Dark Reaper for use." Do we know any of the effects the usage had on these places?
 * 318) ***I think I've addressed this. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 319) ****Where? I don't see it. If it is addressed, it should be where the usage of the Harvester is first mentioned.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 320) *****I added something about life-force draining. Long term impact - well, we don't know, but it obviously wasn't too bad.
 * 321) ** "Dooku's plan for the Dark Reaper was finally thwarted when the Jedi attacked Thule. He unleashed the Force Harvester on the Republic's forces, but Anakin Skywalker destroyed it in the battle, having learned from a hologram of the ancient Jedi Ulic Qel-Droma how to resist the effects of the Sith weapon. With the Force Harvester gone, and Prax also slain by Skywalker shortly before, Dooku fled the field." Nice flow to this, the first sentence is good. Yet, I would prefer that Prax's death be listed before the destruction of the Reaper since it happened first; try to keep these things chronological unless it is revealed that way in the text.
 * 322) ***Changed it. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 323) ** "Following the death of Sev'rance Tann, his favored general, Dooku needed to find someone to replace her as the commander of his armies. Dooku had three choices: Asajj Ventress, Durge, and Grievous." This introduction seems orphaned. While I think I know what you are referring to, much has been described since the death of Tann. The top of "A new ally" strongly suggests that Ventress had already replaced Tann. Clarify. This is going to take some work and possibly a partial rewrite of this section.
 * 324) ***Ventress was not doing General stuff - tweaked this a bit.Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 325) ****Good enough.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 326) *Good luck. More later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:15, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 327) Some grass clippings:
 * 328) *Overlinking really needs to be addressed. Perhaps you could request Darth Culator to run the Auto Wiki Browser over the article. Otherwise, the time-tested CTRL+F method serves me well, and I suggest it.
 * 329) **He did. Then someone added more redundant links. I think I've trimmed most of them.Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 330) *Aside from the templates, the Tales information in "Birth of the Separatist movement" reads completely out of place in relation to the surrounding text. Please tweak, especially, the first clause of the Tales section.
 * 331) **Tweaked. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 332) *"traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there" – This is redundant.
 * 333) **Did some adjustments. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 334) *Are we going to capitalize Senator in every instance or not? It isn't only being used capitalized as a title in the article, as it stands. Please decide; perhaps the Manual of Style could shed light.
 * 335) * Most of the images in the article are sized quite a bit too small. Please make most of them at least 25% larger.
 * 336) **Cool beans; my eyes no longer hurt. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:26, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 337) *First and last name usage, if we're going to fight over which is to be used, needs to at least be consistent. Please, I implore you, switch over to the commonly accepted practice of full-name usage for first mentions, followed by last names only except where last names are shared. It would really make the article seem more professional.
 * 338) **I think I've cleaned up the article nowYrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 339) *On the subject of consistency, have you gone through and rewritten whatever doesn't line up with your style of writing? The sections still seem disjointed. For instance, "Birth of the Separatist movement" is quite masterfully written in relation to "A conspiracy revealed." Please let me know what's been done so far.
 * 340) **I've done a little rewriting all around Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 341) *"Lightsabers" section should be expanded to "Equipment" section describing his garb, his ship, and a subsection on the lightsabers.
 * 342) **Done. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 343) * The addition of external links would be an excellent move for such a popular topic. Please add Databank entries and anything official, especially if Chris Lee interviews or similar material is out on the internet to be had.
 * 344) **Excellent job on that; I am very pleased. Graestan ( Talk ) 12:20, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 345) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:14, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 346) Can we get a little addition to the Biography? In the Essential Guide to the Force there is a vignette on page 68 of an encounter between Dooku and Yoda when Dooku is seven. QuentinGeorge 08:55, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 347) *It's already obliquely mentioned. It's kind of...not that notable, though. It's a day in the life of Youngling Dooku. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 348) Time for the Spumoni, Fiolli-style:
 * 349) *First things, first: Please clarify the blood transfusion. "In addition, Sifo-Dyas's blood was transfused into Grievous during his reconstruction as an experiment in midi-chlorian transplantation." It needs to be stated that Force adeptness does not transfer. See the midi-chlorian article, which Lord Hydronium has brought up to par very, very nicely.
 * 350) *Last sentence of 1.5.2: "&hellip;and drove one more dark side wedge into his soul." Not NPoV. Please change.
 * 351) *1.6: "Few of Dooku's students survived him. Dooku's acolyte and student Asajj Ventress may have escaped Darth Vader and the Jedi Purge, since Palpatine's clone still believed she had died at Boz Pity well after the Battle of Endor." Expand. If only a few survived him, which ones? Why the speculation on Asajj Ventress; is there something to strongly indicate she survived or is this speculation/OR ?
 * 352) **Dooku has a bunch of misc force-sensitive goons, and we don't know what happened to a couple of them. And (as you quoted), Clone Palpatine IU thinks Asajj died at Boz Pity, which indicates she wasn't purged. Though that's subject to canon having a better idea later, of course. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 353) *3.2: Him taming a Krayt dragon is mentioned and cited. This is very notable and should be included in the appropriate spot of the biography.
 * 354) **Uh, well, it's a very -random- greater Krayt dragon. It shows up in an undated flashback to the Clone Wars on an unknown planet where Dooku has a miscellaneous lair. Dooku is teaching Vos to mind control animals. Context for how Dooku got it off Tatooine, or if it was already there when he took over wherever the place was, etc. is entirely missing. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 355) *Numbered subsection 11 and 12 (above) still each have an objection outstanding.
 * 356) *I know I skipped around for this one, but I am bypassing the Clone Wars section for now&mdash;as far as being in-depth is concerned&mdash; and it may be revisited later.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Former featured article. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I am happy to see someone tackle this and I would encourage you, Yrfeloran, to hack away at it. For what it's worth, I recall (several months ago) noticing that numerous chunks of fanon and fan speculation had made their way into this article, so as the revision process continues, I'd recommend proceeding suspiciously, never assuming that a source tag is legit unless yourself added or checked it. (I haven't even really looked at it yet, though, so for all I know somebody already cleansed it.)  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 12:39, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I did a good deal of the sourcing myself, and have spot-checked most of the rest. There was a serious fanon/NPOV purge that I did, and the non-biographical sections are now shorter. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Note to self: Done up to Clone Wars. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Small input from Tinwe, concerning the lightsaber Dooku used as a Jedi: I'd like to point you to the direction of this image. It shows that Dooku used the curve-hilt design already as a Padawan (I'm not 100% sure if this is his own saber or just another training saber&mdash;though at least I have never seen a curve-hilted one). Whatever the case, I think it deserves to be mentioned in the article. --Tinwe 16:09, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There's a mention in the continuity section of the BtS. As a book cover, the Legacy of the Jedi cover is not really canon. Especially since there's no scene with young Dooku wielding his own saber in the actual book, and the whole montage is kinda, IMHO, poorly done. Yrfeloran 00:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I could use some more feedback on this(objections or votes). I'd be happy to address any concerns with the article. Yrfeloran 01:51, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Curiously enough, our own articles place Tann's attack on Alaris Prime before Dooku's use of the Force Harvester. Just a thought. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:37, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Ack...I think the article initially had them that way. I'll double-check when I get back, but you're probably right. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * They're both 1 month ABG, and they're both extended campaigns that overlap. Because Dooku's personally involved in the Harvester campaign and I'm segueing in from what he's doing with Fett on Raxus Prime before hand, I think it makes sense to cover the whole Harvester campaign first, and then mention he's advising Tann as well. Yrfeloran 15:04, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There seems to be an overabundance of small, two- and three-sentence paragraphs. Don't be afraid to merge these, or to write larger paragraphs, as long as the prose flows well. Inline citations within paragraphs are acceptable.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:46, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm finding net access while abroad a little more difficult than I thought, but commented on a few objections. I'll still be gone for several more days. Keep the objections coming, I'll have plenty of time to address them when I get back Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm aware of the burgeoning Clone Wars continuity clusterkriff, and will adjust as necessary. Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

(4 Inqs/3 User/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Thefourdotelipsis 09:19, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lord Hydronium 07:38, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --CT-5619 helmet comlink 20:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --  Darth Culator  (Talk) 21:55, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Nice job. I think I dislike the prequel era a little less now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:02, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 19:27, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7)  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:52, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 2) * "Bly and his troops hunted for Shu Mai, a powerful member of the enemy Confederacy of Independent Systems." In this case, "member of the enemy" sounds a bit awkward. Perhaps rephrasing it to something like "...Shu Mai, who was a member of the Separatist Council, the governing body of the..."
 * 3) **Reworded.
 * 4) ***Still not there yet.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 15:56, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Could you make some suggestions here, please? I don't quite see the problem.
 * 6) * "As a clone commander, it was Bly's job to act as an intermediate between the Jedi Generals and the regular clone troopers." The term should be "intermediary," no?
 * 7) **Ah, yes. Fixed.
 * 8) * "His ship had also sustained heavy damage and crashed on the planet as well." Please rephrase.
 * 9) **Reworded.
 * 10) * "but any attempt at stealth was abandoned when the Noghri sprung a surprise attack." Please rephrase; "when the natives ambushed the party" suggested.
 * 11) **Reworded.
 * 12) * "Retreating into the temple, Bly had one trooper stay behind and hold off the attackers, per standard procedure. When that trooper died, another would stop and take his place as rear guard." Please rephrase and consolidate these two sentences.
 * 13) **I'm not quite sure how that would work, or what the problem is with the current sentence. Could you be more specific?
 * 14) ***I mean that the two sentences need to be merged; as they are, they're redundant and sloppy. Think military parlance if that helps.
 * 15) ****I'm going to have to disagree with you on that point. I'll try and get a third opinion.
 * 16) *****OK, changed and merged. Thefourdotelipsis 09:18, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * "Although the Jedi worked as a team to extract the device, the trap was triggered. Fortunately for the trio, no one was hurt, allowing them to escape the temple unharmed." Again, please rephrase and consolidate.
 * 18) **Why does this need to be consolidated? I don't quite follow here.
 * 19) ***Because you use the phrase "worked as a team" only two sentences prior. Again, please merge the two sentences to achieve greater clarity and brevity.
 * 20) ****Changed the earlier sentence.
 * 21) *****Meh.
 * 22) * "Bly, roused into consciousness, shot Vos in the shoulder and then fired to kill." Please clarify...was he aiming to kill with the first shot?
 * 23) **This isn't really clarified in the comic, so it's kept ambiguous to avoid any assumptions about the event.
 * 24) ***I'd still like to see it reworded; as it stands, the sentence is also a bit awkward.
 * 25) ****Reworded.
 * 26) * "Following the Honoghr operation, Bly and Secura served a tour of duty on Anzat." Could this be elaborated upon? If not that's understandable.
 * 27) **Strange one, that. Secura goes to Anzat later in the war, but Databank seems to think that Bly fought in a tour of duty there. There's really nothing to be expanded upon in terms of Bly's role. It's not even meant to be the same trip. I think it's probably a mistake, but we obviously can't make that assumption.
 * 28) ***Fair enough.
 * 29) * "In 19 BBY, Secura, Bly and the 327th Star Corps were dispatched to Saleucami, where a prolonged siege was taking place." What were they besieging, and why?
 * 30) **That's the next sentence.
 * 31) ***The next sentence says something about Morgukai in undergroud tunnels, but not why the Republic is laying siege to the city itself. Is the objective to halt the Morgukai cloning? Details, details!
 * 32) ****"The Confederacy was using underground caves below the planet's capital to clone Morgukai warriors, who were subsequently trained by the Anzati." It's generally accepted that in war, you don't want the enemy getting more soldiers and resources. Furthmore, the sentence right after that one states "As these clones would be deadly warriors and an extremely effective tool for the Confederacy, the Republic hoped to nip the situation in the bud."
 * 33) *****Meh. Did a bit of tweaking of my own. Should be alright now.
 * 34) * Please add some context for Tol Skorr, as he appears out of the blue.
 * 35) **Well, there's the "Dark Acolyte" link there to be clicked, and he's kind of an aside to Bly's role in the story.
 * 36) ***He still jumps into the article seemingly at random. I suggest adding "At some point," just before the link to Dark Acolyte.
 * 37) ****Added an "eventually"
 * 38) * The transition between the second and third paragraphs of the Saleucami section is a bit awkward.
 * 39) **Could you be more specific about that?
 * 40) ***You leave the second one at "the battle proved to be nothing but a diversion" and start the next one with "Rancisis was found dead in his chambers". It could therefore be assumed by one who knows the series that the mission alluded to in the second was to distract Republic troops from the assassin's mission to kill Rancisis, but to a layperson it's rather unclear. Context is needed.
 * 41) ****Is it really, though? Again, I'm afraid I have to disagree, but I'll ask around.
 * 42) * "the large planetary gun" What kind of gun was this?
 * 43) **The model is not specified in the comic. Basically, it's a big gun that shoots at things. ;)
 * 44) ***How droll. :-) Perhaps you could be a bit more specific, as "large planetary gun" sounds a bit inane.
 * 45) ****What..."a large planetary gun that shot things at ships"? I can only work with what I'm given.
 * 46) * "sent to Felucia to track down Confederate Shu Mai some weeks prior" Again, more context for Shu Mai is desired.
 * 47) **Context added.
 * 48) * "Shortly after the death of Secura, the Republic became the Galactic Empire." Bit of a lame transition, that.
 * 49) **Bit of context added.
 * 50) ***Good enough to be getting along with.
 * 51) * "Bly and fellow trooper CT-6734 (or "Galle")" Please remove the parentheses.
 * 52) **...why?
 * 53) ***Because parentheses are unencyclopedic.
 * 54) ****How so? This is something I've not heard of.
 * 55) *****Right. Fixed it for you anyway.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:41, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 56) * "Zonder had been executed by Vader in days prior." Please rephrase and consolidate with the preceding sentence.
 * 57) **The prior sentence is already a bit long, methinks.
 * 58) ***Rephrasing is still desired; as it stands, this sentence is rather vague and disjointed considering the flow of the paragraph.
 * 59) ****Again, I'll ask around.
 * 60) *****I've expanded that sentence to give it greater relevance. Thefourdotelipsis 09:22, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) * "Tremayne was not fooled, however, detecting a speeder leaving the area." How did he detect the speeder?
 * 62) **Unclear in the source. Thefourdotelipsis 02:07, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 63) ***That sentence, as well as the one immediately after, is still a bit awkward.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 15:56, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 64) ****Once more, I just can't agree there. I apologise. Thefourdotelipsis 10:11, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 65) *****Changed. Thefourdotelipsis 09:18, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 66) * While "unbeknownst" may be a word, it is rather supercilious and unencyclopedic. Please reword.
 * 67) *TIMMMMMBERRRRR!!!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:20, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 68) Toprawa's Merciless Hammer:
 * 69) * I'm kind of confused by what you are referring to here. Was the speeder or the apartment torn apart? "it was torn apart by an explosion." Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:53, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 70) **Contextified. Thefourdotelipsis 02:19, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 71) From the cockpit of Xwing328
 * 72) *"..but were stalled when deadly toxins were let into the air." I think it might sound better, "...but were stalled when the Separatists (or whomever) released deadly toxins into the air."
 * 73) **Fixed.
 * 74) *In the Bts, watch your use of the word "would."
 * 75) **Knocked off one would.
 * 76) *Please make Category:Images of CC-5052 and add Imagecat to the article.
 * 77) **Done. Thefourdotelipsis 01:28, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 78) *I made a few minor corrections myself. Overall, very good. —Xwing328 (Talk) 17:15, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(4 Inq/3 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Lord Hydronium 02:53, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Informative with a chewy center! Cull Tremayne 12:37, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes! --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:18, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:39, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:31, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:47, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Thefourdotelipsis 23:23, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Stuff:
 * 2) * "&hellip;but allowed Organa to escape." Was this intentional, or through incompetence? Might be worth a mention, even if it's not wholly relevant.
 * 3) * Could the second subsection in the bio be split up? It looks a bit long in comparison to the other sections, at least IMHO.
 * 4) **Very nice. Had planned to do this guy myself. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:35, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Are you sure there are no more quotes? I would have thought Appo would have said something about bombarding the planet, although admittedly I haven't read the book in a while.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *He does, but since it's just about the Kashyyyk attack I'm not sure it would be so good heading up that whole section; also, it's really just repeating what's in the main body. - Lord Hydronium 20:43, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * If you're wondering about the Purge Bow/Appo thing, check the BTS. If I've missed some declaration that it actually is Bow, though, do tell. - Lord Hydronium 02:53, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inq/1 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) I just recently overhauled this article, to comply with current GA standards. I'd like to see where it goes from here. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 00:57, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:16, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Ackbar:
 * 2) * Unless there is so reason for doing so that I'm missing, "legitimate" doesn't seem necessary, IMHO.
 * 3) **Yeah, I said legitimate because during that time, Oron Kira became king through his marriage to Galia. Then Oron officially took over.
 * 4) ***Fair enough. I'm not sure it's strictly necessary without an explanation, but it's no biggie.
 * 5) *" &hellip;a conflict between the followers of Freedon Nadd against the Jedi Order, Galactic Republic, and Beast Riders from the planet's wilderness" is also, IMHO, unnecessary for the fist sentence of the intro, and a little confusing, too.
 * 6) **Addressed.
 * 7) * First paragraph of the intro is quite confusing. Try to keep things simple and keep things in chronological order.
 * 8) **Addressed.
 * 9) ***Much better.
 * 10) * You mention twice that he was thought dead.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * This isn't particularly relevant to Ommin himself, but is it actually referred to as a Dark Side Army (with the capatalization)?
 * 13) **Yes, it's referred to as the "Dark Side Army", but it was only done so in the audio drama, and I capatilized it because it was given that name.
 * 14) * Each of the first three sentences in the "Sith training" section use some form of colon. I think it would read better if reworded to remove at least one of them.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) *Have you checked Tales of the Jedi Companion thoroughly for info? Two refs seems little, though I may be wrong.
 * 17) **I don't have the companion, so whatever is there that is referenced by it was already there. Stuff like that I tried not to change, because I knew I couldn't eactually verify it myself. If there is more, then I'll just have to find the damn thing somewhere & buy it :)
 * 18) **Sorted in IRC; let me know if there's any new stuff in it.
 * 19) *I'll read the rest of this later. It looks good, and I'm glad you've decided to try another FAN. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:33, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) *Thanks much looking, Ackbar. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 17:03, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) **No problem. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:48, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) From the Press Box of Chack Jadson:
 * 23) * "It was believed that King Ommin was deceased, but this was not the case. Rumors of Ommin actually being alive were unfounded until the death of Amanoa in 4,000 BBY at the hands of the Jedi." Perhaps merge these sentences like He was believed dead until...
 * 24) **Addressed.
 * 25) * "Someday, Ommin decided, he would corrupt his daughter Galia to be the heir of the dark side as well." Reword to avoid using corrupt.
 * 26) **Addressed.
 * 27) * "but one would assume such details were of little relevance to the sorcerer-King." Too much speculation.
 * 28) **Addressed.
 * 29) * "Galia gasped in horror at the sight of her father, who appeared old and withered, and was also connected to a complex life support system." I’d suggest removing the appeared old and withered part because you say the same thing a few sentences later.
 * 30) **Addressed.
 * 31) * "...smothered Master Arca by smothering him with waves of dark side energy." Too many smotherings.
 * 32) **lol I didn't even realize that. Addressed.
 * 33) * Link Aleema and Satal when they’re first mentioned.
 * 34) **Addressed.
 * 35) * "Freedon Nadd, after guiding the Ketos into the subterranean chambers of the palace, arrived by Ommin's side, who begged for Nadd's assistance." This reads a little awkward. It sounds as though Nadd is begging.
 * 36) **Addressed.
 * 37) * Could you expand on what Kad’s failure was?
 * 38) **Addressed...I think.
 * 39) * "His most "prized possession" however (as referred to by him), was the Jedi Master Arca Jeth, whom Ommin had captured and imprisoned." I’d suggest you remove the parentheses here and in the following sentence too.
 * 40) **Addressed.
 * 41) * "He was apparently able to create these spirits as well. According to the sorcerer-King, he could subject individuals to the power of the dark side so heavily, that they would be forced to call on its power to save themselves, thereby giving in to it. When the victim could endure no longer, their body would be destroyed; Ommin would then resurrect them as a dark side spirit." Please rephrase this. It doesn’t really flow.
 * 42) **Addressed...I think.
 * 43) *Don't be fooled by the objections, this is an excellent article.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 23:36, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 44) **Thanks Chack. It's always reassuring to hear that from you. If anything else is required, please let me know. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 00:43, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 45) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 46) * Please rewrite to avoid the "it." Specify who believed he was dead: "It was believed that King Ommin was deceased"
 * 47) **Addressed.
 * 48) *** Still doesn't tell me who believed he was dead: "King Ommin was was believed to have been deceased"
 * 49) ****Addressed properly now.
 * 50) * You don't specify how he survived or it was revealed that he was alive. Please clarify: "rumors of him actually being alive were unfounded until the death of Amanoa in 4,000 BBY at the hands of the Jedi. Ommin then returned to the forefront of Onderonian events"
 * 51) **Addressed.
 * 52) * I don't know what this means: " until he was passed the threshold of escaping its thrall."
 * 53) **Addressed.
 * 54) * You just used "and as a result" in the previous sentence. Please reword: "The trappings of a metal support frame severely restricted Ommin's mobility, and as a result,"
 * 55) **Addressed.
 * 56) * You never explained that he somehow lost power of the planet: "Ommin in turn plotted to take the planet back from his daughter and the Beast Lord, and reclaim the throne as rightful King of Onderon."
 * 57) **Addressed.
 * 58) * POVish: "In a bold attack"
 * 59) **Addressed.
 * 60) *Finish these up and we'll continue. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:34, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 61) **All done. I'll be waiting. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 13:48, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 62) * POV: "five of the bravest Jedi Knights"
 * 63) **Addressed.
 * 64) * This is also POVish. This suggests that he is somehow immoral in his actions: " He was also was not above sacrificing"
 * 65) **LOL and you think he's not? I hear what you are saying tho & i'ts been addressed, no sweat;)
 * 66) * Same POV. I've noticed you like to use this phrasing in your writing. Please cut it: "Ommin was not above torturing individuals"
 * 67) **Addressed.
 * 68) * Remove or otherwise rewrite speculation: " He was apparently able to create these spirits as well."
 * 69) **Addressed.
 * 70) * This sentence is just kind of funny. Please rewrite it: "Although Ommin's energy attacks in the comics appear different than the Force lightning of the Star Wars movies, The Dark Side Sourcebook confirms that Ommin knew such a feat."
 * 71) **That sentence was actually unnecessary, so I removed it. Addressed.
 * 72) Grass clippings:
 * Image:King Ommin.jpg has visible comic frame. Image:Ommingalia.JPG is of low quality and could use a rescan, as could Image:Omminattack.JPG. Image:MechanicalExoskeleton.jpg has visible frame.
 * 1) *The other uses template at top is unnecessary, and should be limited to the two articles with "Omin" in their spelling.
 * 2) *"Powerful" in the intro is unnecessary and POVish&mdash;besides, he was a bit small-time for a Sith, wasn't he?
 * 3) *Intro should probably be expanded a bit and revisited. Try three paragraphs, and mention his tutelage under his father.
 * 4) *The phrase "further perpetuating Nadd's legacy through the generations" does not seem to be necessary.
 * 5) *Did he really have to grow in power to assume kingship? I think not; it was hereditary. Please change. Also, please explain Iziz's role on Onderon in that sentence.
 * 6) *"Amanoa did not suspect Ommin's dark side allegiance for many years, but when she did, she attempted to break the bond between him and his Sith ancestor, but to no avail; he had become too strong, and the very blood of the ancient Dark Lord ran through his veins." – This is rather ponderous, and should be broken up.
 * Oh, the term "sorcerer-couple" just has to go.
 * 1) *First paragraph of "The Freedon Nadd uprising needs to be fleshed out, to explain what had happened with the Beast Wars. Feel free to source earlier issues, even though they aren't appearances of Ommin's.
 * 2) *I must put this here as a "shaking fist" to previous reviewers: which knocked Jeth was knocked back. I fixed it, though.
 * 3) *The sentence "The Freedon Nadd Uprising was fully underway" does not belong at the end of aparagraph about the Republic's mobilization. Please remove.
 * 4) *Please change the next few sentences from the imperfect past tense to the full past tense. Was doing --> did, and so forth.
 * 5) *Last sentence of "The battle for Onderon" and first sentence of "Treachery of a Sith Lord" are redundant.
 * 6) *The term "sorcerer-King" appears far too many times, and if the term itself is not canon, I don't think we should use it&mdash;it reads as though it is from the source material as is.
 * 7) *"August" cannot be the right word, here. Please change it, or simply remove it.
 * 8) *Referring to Ommin as a Prince? Was he ever said to have been one in the sources?
 * 9) *I'm not so sure he was fond of tricking people into coming close, rather it was simply necessary. Please change.
 * 10) *I wouldn't link to Force nexus unless the term is used in TOTJ.
 * 11) *The Palpatine connection in the BtS is original research, and does not belong.
 * 12) *"Ommin's unnamed father" in the succession box should be changed, as he must have had a name.
 * 13) * Graestan ( Talk ) 04:23, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * This was a GA that I found one day to be seriously lacking. I didn't originally take it to GA but I wouldn't mind presenting this as my second forage on the FAN. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 00:59, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Again, thanks for looking. I hope everything has been addressed satisfactorily. If not, you know how to find me;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) 17:45, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inq/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) The Big Green Bunny himself. Cull Tremayne 04:43, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Great work. --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:14, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) BUNNY! Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:53, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) The character is a joke. But the article is good.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  19:12, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:35, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Holy Hutch, Batman!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 20:10, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Object Comments
 * 1) From Toprawa's Swinging Hammer of No Mercy:
 * 2) * You called it a village here, but in the next sentence it's a city? I don't think the two are equable: "After defending the city from Cloud-Riders"
 * 3) **Good point, reworded to remove mention of "city" when referring to the village of Onacra. Cull Tremayne 06:47, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * This speculation here -- "apparently under the manipulation of the Old One" -- attached to this -- "Whether because they were a much smaller force, or because the Old One was controlling it," -- concerning whether or not the Old Man was in control of it needs to go, please. Unless you can reword it to say that a character suspected the Old Man was in control?
 * 5) **This is connected to the previous objection: "apparently manipulating the Behemoth's actions."
 * 6) ***The problem here is that the omniscient narrator in these comics makes similar claims. So I know it looks like OR, speculation on my part, but it's how the narrator describes the situation occuring, with the Behemoth's motives and actions uncertain. So, there really is no way to clarify it with a "he said" clause, since it's not really a "character" who makes the claims about who is really controlling the monster.
 * 7) * The final paragraph of the "Battle with a monster" section, specifically the text after the sentence beginning "Wielding his lightsaber," gets kind of play-by-playish and has little to do with Jaxxon himself. Please cut out the fat and condense it into a few sentences to say that Jaxxon's friends defeated the beast.
 * 8) **Trimmed a bit, removed most of the details that didn't involve Jaxxon. Kept in "how" the beast was defeated though, since it seemed relevant to the attack that Jaxxon was involved in.
 * 9) * Per our Quote CT/quote "policy," I believe the quote heading the "Back to Aduba-3" section should be in quote format, not dialogue
 * 10) **Changed.
 * 11) * Please remove speculation: "perhaps denoting some sort religious beliefs."
 * 12) **Gone.
 * 13) * Ditto: "perhaps denoting something more than simple business partners."
 * 14) **Reworded.
 * 15) *You've outdone yourself in this BTS. Excellent as usual. I expected nothing less from you, Cull. :) Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:04, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Thanks for the review. :D Cull Tremayne 06:47, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Round two. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 18:18, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) The wheel in the sky keeps on turning...  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  01:09, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Great!--Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 06:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * All the Naddist vehicles in the infobox should be linked to articles, even if they're those infamous conjecturally titled vehicle articles. And Republic trooper should be a redirect to something, most likely Republic Army. -LtNOWIS 19:11, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thank you for looking. Much of this information I got from the TOTJ/DLOTS audio, but I think that I can just pipelink the types of vehicles thse items are, as they are pretty much general use anyway. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 20:16, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * *Hmm, I guess we generally don't have conjectural articles for types of artillery, though we probably should. But the "Dark side assault shuttle" should have it's own article, as should the siege vehicles. You shouldn't link to war machine, as I believe that's a specific different model of vehicle. It's better to create a new, conjectural article like Jedi skiff. Or just keep it a redlink, since you can have a couple of those. -LtNOWIS 04:05, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Addressed. Thanks for the read! —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 13:54, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks. -LtNOWIS 21:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the demented desk of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * The FAN template is not on the article. Please add it.
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) * Expand the intro please.
 * 5) **Addressed.
 * 6) * Third paragraph has the wrong tense.
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * 8) * Link Satal and Aleema when they’re first mentioned.
 * 9) **Addressed.
 * 10) * "In truth, they had come to Coruscant in search of knowledge of the ancient Sith, and more specifically, for anything related to the dark side." May just be me, but this sentence seems to need some rewording to me. Perhaps cut the part out about the Sith, because the dark side is more broad than the Sith, IMO.
 * 11) **Addressed.
 * 12) * "The real prize was Master Arca Jeth, whom King Ommin captured while Ulic and Warb Null dueled." A change to "attempted to capture" might be better.
 * 13) **Addressed.
 * 14) * I don't see a link to Oron Kira before the last paragraph of Trouble in Iziz, so please link that.
 * 15) **Addressed.
 * 16) * There needs to be some context between these two sentences. "The Ketos were able to escape the wreckage with their lives, and managed to seek out authentic practitioners of the dark side. These darksiders in turn brought them before Onderon's ruler, the Sith sorcerer King Ommin." How did they find a darksider?
 * 17) **Addressed.
 * 18) * De-link Oss, Tott and Cay the second time.
 * 19) **Addressed.
 * 20) * These two sentences are a bit droll. "Nomi was alright, and told Ulic that it was an old man who attacked her through the Force. Ulic immediately knew it to be King Ommin. He told Nomi that Ommin ruled Onderon under the power of Sith magic, and that he also managed to subdue Master Arca with it."
 * 21) **Addressed.
 * 22) * Again, please de-link Freedon Nadd and Tetan.
 * 23) **Addressed.
 * 24) * Same with Ommin, Nadd and Tetan in Aftermath.
 * 25) **Addressed.
 * 26) * No need for italics for Republic army and capitalize Onderon here: "It is here that she is chosen to lead not the Jedi, but the Republic Fleet in the battle for Onderon. Also, the other Jedi Knights that arrived on onderon in the comic with Nomi, were nowhere mentioned in the audio drama."
 * 27) **Addressed.
 * 28) *  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 20:33, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 30) *Preliminary objections:
 * 31) * I've tinkered with your infobox a little bit, but it's still kind of messy, and I'd like to try and clean it up a little bit with your assistance. Please discuss this with me in IRC.
 * 32) **I'll be in & out, looking for you.
 * 33) * Your image arrangement is just not good. The first half of the article is virtually blank and then the second half is suddenly cluttered with tiny, hard-to-see images. This needs to be handled somehow. I would recommend removing a few that don't necessarily need to be there, specifically the picture of Aleema and Satal.
 * 34) **That's funny you mention that, because I've been conflicted about some of the images myself, particularly the one with Arca & Nadd (which technically happened in the battle before). I'll move some around, I just have to figure out the new arrangement.
 * 35) ***Addressed.
 * 36) * I would like to see an expansion of this sentence elaborating on what the Onderonian threat is, specifically: "hearing called to discuss the growing Onderonian threat."
 * 37) **Addressed.
 * 38) * You would probably do well to expand the introduction in general, doing what you can to elaborate on the concepts you introduce.
 * 39) **Addressed.
 * 40) * Your introduction sentence in the first section of the article needs to do a better job of summing up the history of events leading up to this point. You just drop the reader into the situation as if he knows what's happening. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:18, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 41) **Addressed.
 * 42) *This sentence is really rough. Too many "Jedi's" and tense confusion. Please rewrite: "The Tchuukthai Jedi implored the assembly to come to the Jedi's aid, reminding them that the Jedi have aided the Republic for generations."
 * 43) *Additionally, the rest of that paragraph is unnecessarily PBP and needs to be heavily condensed. Avoid overly wordy sentences, and do not refer to people by their first names. Full name upon first mention, last names for all subsequent mentions, please
 * 44) *Little context for Beast Riders, please: "the Jedi and Beast Riders"
 * 45) *The last two paragraphs of the "Trouble in Iziz" section are in need of a complete rewrite while remembering to never assume that reader knows what something or someone is. Don't just throw the reader into a situation with no background introduction, and please condense anything that is unnecessary to primary scope of this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:17, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Thanks alot for looking, Chack. Anything else, please let me know. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 22:06, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Glad to help. I enjoy these WP:TOTJ articles.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 01:09, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks Top for looking. I'll keep forging as long as you keep hammering;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) 16:37, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/2 Users/1 Total)
Support Object
 * 1)  Ryan Fett  ( For Mandalore! )[[Image:JaingHead.svg|20px]] 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it. Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
 * You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support?  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * All right...  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 21:36, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/3 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 14:59, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nightlily 16:53, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Fixed a bunch of typos; pretty impressive range, maybe not comprehensive, but a good review Enochf 17:53, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) No sources section. As NOWIS pointed out in IRC, there's likely loads of WEG stuff about torture. And I'd like to see an infobox come from somewhere. More elaboration on the Inquisitorius, too. And I'd like the appearances section to discern when the term "torture" is said. Also, and I know this is a bit complex, but can the whole first paragraph actually be sourced, or is it just real-world stuff? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:51, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 3) *Per Acky. I've been (kind of) monitoring work on this thing, and you've both done an admirable job, but I seriously doubt this article is comprehensive. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:35, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *I guess I'll start listing bits of Torture history I come across that isn't listed in this article
 * 5) *The fact that your appearance and source list doesn't match up with your Notes and refs section should tell you that you don't have everything. I would recommend clicking on the "what links here" button as part of your research
 * 6) *In That's Entertainment: The Tale of Salacious Crumb, University professor Melvosh Bloor discusses a dissertation written by one of his colleagues entitled Torture Observed: An Interview with Jabba's Cook Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:39, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) From the ruthless legal pad scrawlings of Atarumaster88
 * 8) *Present tense in the intro.
 * 9) *The very loose referencing of the first body paragraph is unacceptable. I smell Original Research.
 * 10) *Organization of Methods section is very poor. It's not fully chronological-at least, I don't think so. There's no context given on the timeline of the first three paragraphs.
 * 11) *Methods section is ridiculously far from comprehensive. In fact, it doesn't read like a methods section. It reads like a list of "famous" torturers. If it's a method section, then I should be reading about The Burning, torture by chagrin, etc. I'm not.
 * 12) *Methods section never mentions the Vong.
 * 13) *For such a massive topic, the article could use a longer intro.
 * Aw, to heck with it. Rewrite the whole Methods section. Should be at least four times as long and ten, no, twenty times as comprehensive.
 * 1) *Wait, we need a "Description" section to go with Methods? That doesn't make any sense. Your methods section should be telling us the different modes of torture, we don't need another section to tell us about how the victim felt during torture. Place any necessary anecdotes on that in the aforementioned Methods section or in Consequences.
 * 2) *I don't like the Force-users section. Split it up into the appropriate sections. For example, Jacen's mind-invasion should go under Methods, crucitorn under resisting torture. As it stands, the layout of this article makes no sense.
 * 3) *Notable examples I'm undecided on. Most of this information should be included in the Methods section and making the reader hunt for it in the examples section is a royal pain. Perhaps a better way to represent this section would be to describe notable torturers/organizations that practiced torture, and not notable victims of torture.
 * 4) *Consequences section is way undersized. I recall recently reading an FAN about a Rebel who was tortured until he was in a vegetative state. Where is that? Where is the bit about Jacen Solo's torture under Vergere turning him into a heartless scumbag?
 * 5) *No BTS?!! You've got to be kidding me.
 * 6) *Naturally, this will also need a non-canon appearances section.
 * 7) *Naturally, you will want to run a SW.com Wizards.com and HoloNet News check on this.
 * 8) *You reference things that aren't listed in Appearances and the non-existent Sources section. If torture appears, then it gets listed. If it is mentioned, it gets handled with a Mo tag. Get thorough with this.
 * 9) *I can flat out tell you that this barely meets GA requirements as it is. If this is going to get a star, it'll need a lot more work. I didn't even look at your sentences or the fine details.
 * 10) *Have a pleasant and tortured day, since this nom is not ready for my catchphrase. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:14, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * For as much work as myself and my young partner Nightlily have put into this, we believe that this is where it can be definitively molded into a quality article. That being said, we finally believe it's ready for the big leagues! As always, open to critisisms/objections/comments, etc. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 14:59, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * A very interesting read, but like the others said above, I believe this could be greatly expanded from all other sources. —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:07, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) I love Alliance Intelligence Reports. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:19, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Green Tentacle (Talk) 21:12, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Very well done.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  00:54, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * Your era template doesn't match the infobox
 * 3) **Fized.
 * 4) ***Still doesn't match. :P I'd fix it for you, but I don't know what to source it with. At any rate, I know you'll get it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Hah hah. I got it. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:50, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Little intro context for the Order, please: "the m'Yalfor'ac Order"
 * 7) **I've added context later on in the intro, but I don't think its necessary for the opening sentence, and adding an explanation sort of mucks up the sentence.
 * 8) ***You're fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Your link to Espo Walker is a disambig page. Can you be more specific?
 * 10) **Fixed.
 * 11) * Brief descriptor for Mr. Cracken, please: " which eventually made its way to Airen Cracken"
 * 12) * What lands? The way you transition this into the Rebellion being concerned about the Order makes it seem as though he had respect outside of just his planet. Please specify: "Respected and admired across the lands" Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:22, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Better? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:06, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ***Good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:26, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * If anyone's wondering why I'm not calling him "Catharius," it's because "Tavier" is his family name. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:19, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/2 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Green Tentacle (Talk) 01:59, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Adamwankenobi 06:39, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yessir. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:06, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * You might add something to the BTS explaining that Rebellion apparently depicts his eye color as being different than brown, if you're going to use that image for the infobox. At this low resolution, it's looking very bluish to me.
 * 3) **Done. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:49, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * A brief descriptor for the Great Heap would give it some context: "led him to form alliances with the Great Heep"
 * 5) ** Just an amending comment to the prior objection, I honestly thought that was an organization of some kind rather than an individual as I'm learning from the article
 * 6) * Also, I feel Screed being the Emperor's right-hand-man should be notable enough for a mention in the intro
 * 7) **Added. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:39, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) * I suspect you mean to say "meet with the governor" here: "Screed took a Lambda-class shuttle to Koong's Umboo Lightstation to meet with the admiral"
 * 9) **Changed. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:39, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) * Forgot a word in this sentence, evidently: "was using his lightstation to cause unsuspecting ships to in order to scavenge their cargo"
 * 11) **Fixed. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:39, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * If you're choosing to leave the details of his eye surgery ambiguous for the article itself, I'd still like to see it detailed it in the BTS, probably under its own sub-section Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:04, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(0 Inq/0 User/0 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) I don't understand why everything is being sourced by sentence, and not statement, as it should be. E.g. "While his name was originally given as Hal Horn, and that name is used in almost all sources about Horn, X-wing: The Krytos Trap states that "Hal" was only a nickname, and he retained the given name Valin.[1][2]" -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:26, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Because I don't believe in sourcing every single word. Otherwise I'd be sticking tags in every other word anytime I fuse material. It's not like sentences are a vast unit. I mean, I don't need "Horn was a CorSec[1] inspector[2] who for years[3] pursued[1] Booster Terrik[2]." Havac 01:06, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Well, the chances of that being necessary are quite slim. But even if you did have to, I'd prefer it over sticking them all at the end, because the reader is going to be unsure which reference is sourcing what. I'm going away for a while, so I'll strike, but I'd like you to think about it, or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:01, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * No, I'm not voting for this one, either. Get over it. Havac 02:58, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * So why didn't you vote for this one? Cull Tremayne 05:36, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Something about being a stubborn bastard, I think. Havac 06:30, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/0 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:45, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * This is essentially reading that Todr's success led Soontir to gain these things, when this is not the case: "The success of his brother led Soontir to gain a barony and an estate," Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:15, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * It's nice and short. Read it. Vote for it. Havac 06:30, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 User/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Done, finally. First crystal FA FTW! 04:00, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:53, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Comments
 * 1) Missing content from Fact File 19. :P To the IRC, m'lad! Thefourdotelipsis 11:05, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Not anymore it's not. Thanks. 17:23, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Good man. Thefourdotelipsis 08:03, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) From the Temple of Self-Inflicting Pomojema Pain,
 * 5) *Atrocious images. Needs some new scans.
 * 6) *Nothing new to report.
 * 'Tis all I can see. 03:01, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Removed one of the issues.
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Is necklace supposed to be mispelled in that quote?
 * 3) **No. Fixed.
 * 4) * "On Circarpous V, though, Halla, an elder, Force-sensitive woman who claimed to be a Jedi Master knew of the legend and the reports of xenoarcheologists concerning the crystal, after purchasing a remnant of it from a local in exchange for an alcoholic beverage" First part of this reads a bit roughly.
 * 5) **De-roughified.
 * 6) * "While Grammel contemplated the crystal fragment he contacted Governor Bin Essada, who in turn contacted Darth Vader because of Bin's recognizing of the young female as Princess Leia Organa." Bit of a run-on.
 * 7) **No longer runny.
 * 8) * I would not list Skywalker as Vader's son, given that Vader is not aware of this IIRC.
 * 9) **Actually, I think he was aware, per Rise and Fall.
 * 10) * "After an incidence with a native creature, Luke, Halla, Leia, the droids, and the Yuzzem were without a mode of transportation, and were then split up into to teams by a hole in the ground" Describe this more, and possibly change "incidence" to incident.
 * 11) **Expounded upon.
 * 12) * Effect on the Force reads a bit redundant. Might want to reword some of that.
 * 13) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:38, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Repaired everything except that last bit there; I'm afraid I don't see the redundancy. 21:08, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Repaired everything except that last bit there; I'm afraid I don't see the redundancy. 21:08, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Gentlemen, you may now commence picking apart the article. 04:00, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/3 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:17, 5 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 18:54, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Greyman  @wikiajanitor ( Talk ) 00:38, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 2) * The dual usage of "escape" so close here kind of reads awkwardly. Please reword: "allowing Solo to escape. Skorr escaped"
 * 3) * Please pipelink whatever system we are talking about here: "operative who was working in the system"
 * 4) * I would like to see a little bit detailing that after being imprisoned on Kessel, he harbored a great deal of hatred for the Empire as well as Solo
 * 5) * I'm a bit uneasy here calling him a Jedi Knight, since technically he isn't at this point in time. Please reword: "lightsaber in the hopes that the Jedi Knight would" Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:41, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Also, you really should reference the bit in the BTS that lists other bounty hunters as the Ord Mantell hunter
 * 7) * Here are some bits of dialogue from two sources I've just added. The second one, specifically, has something that could be added:
 * 8) **From The Empire Strikes Back: The National Public Radio Dramatization: "That bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mantell? Well, he changed my mind. Strangers blazing away at me from all directions have always made me a little nervous."
 * 9) **Star Wars 39: The Empire Strikes Back: Beginning: in the scene mirroring that from the film where Solo tells Rieekan that he has to leave and if he doesn't pay off Jabba the Hutt he's a dead man, it's changed around a little bit, but could still be worked in. While walking to the base's command center, he passes an officer referred only to as "Major," though I'm going to assume it's intended to be Derlin, since he looks exactly like him, and "Derlin" asks him if he's thinking about leaving again, and Solo says yes, to which the Major replies, "Yes, we heard about that bounty hunter on Ord Mantell. A death mark is not an easy thing to live with...," obviously taken from Rieekan's lines. You could say something like the Rebels of Echo Base were well versed in Solo's tangle with Skorr," or whatever you want. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:16, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***I think I've sorted all that. About the BtS referencing, they're all mentioned in the DB entry, so I've just added that as a ref. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:27, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Gotcha. I didn't know they were mentioned int he DB. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(1 Inq/3 User/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) Not the Force. - Lord Hydronium 13:18, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Good article, regardless of the DBZ-esque concept. --Squishy Vic (discussion) (contributions) 20:12, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes.  Uli Talk 21:06, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) A valuable addition to our FA collection. --Eyrezer 06:05, 10 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From a cursory look by Fiolli:
 * 2) * Midi-chlorian manipulation should be linked in the main body of the text, either with a pipe or through direct statement.
 * 3) **It's linked under "History".
 * 4) * Considering its direct relation, preferably, midi-chlorian manipulation should be a subsection&mdash;or at the very least a paragraph about&mdash;under 'Study and analysis' providing an abstract of this topic.
 * 5) **Done. - Lord Hydronium 20:37, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * Nothing is included of Dooku's attempt at transferring midi-chlorians into Grievous through blood transfusion. Other types of midi-chlorian experimentation should be included as well.
 * 7) **I don't think such a thing exists. The only reference to that idea is in Unknown Soldier, which specifically states that no one thought it would transfer Force-sensitivity; it's included. As for the second part, you mean under "study and analysis", right? Since those things are in the article.
 * 8) **Added stuff on midi experimentation to "study and analysis". - Lord Hydronium 20:37, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *Will be back later with more.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:38, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) There should be at least some mention of the midi-chloroxians from Skippy the Jedi Droid, even if it has to be in the non-canon section...poor Skippy. &mdash;Jaymach Ral'Tir (talk) 13:04, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) *Added. - Lord Hydronium 03:03, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) There's an image there from the Power of the Jedi sourcebook, but its not listed in the sources section and isn't reffed to. Please look into it. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:11, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *Midis aren't mentioned in POTJ. - Lord Hydronium 07:41, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Then the image caption is incorrect, unless it comes from somewhere else. Please clarify. Also, the Force Detectors should be mentioned in some part of the main body. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:14, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***It is. Several times. And the caption is totally correct, as established by Droids, Technology & the Force. Thefourdotelipsis 23:31, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ****My bad. A text search for Detector didn't work, for some reason. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 06:57, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(1 Inqs/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Aside from the technical stuff (infoboxes, infobox refs, etc), I wrote this entire article from my cellphone. Open to thoughts/suggestions, as always. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:46, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) It might need some tweaking, but I don't know much about the topic. Your body of work is beginning to impress, Tommy.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Much, much obliged, Master Fiolli. There will be others;) —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 00:39, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * If I were you, Tommy, I'd just nominate this for FAN and forget about this nomination ;) Greyman  http://images.wikia.com/central/images/9/9c/Jan.png ( Talk ) 01:54, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Good work on this, but I wonder if it really qualifies as a battle? I would've thought "Skirmish on Ambria" or something would be a more suitable title. Thoughts? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 06:55, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Moved, per Greyman's  suggestion. Also moved, per AdmirableAckbar's suggestion. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 14:50, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Havac 03:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) 181stAce 18:52, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * Surely there's more that can be said in the BTS section. There's at least one retcon to explain, right? Maybe check some Stackpole interviews for more info? -- Ozzel 10:04, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't recall any retcons, and I've checked all the interviews I had for Soontir Fel himself, and Stackpole never talks about the 181st, just about Fel. The 181st is just a vehicle for that character, so it doesn't get talked about that much in and of itself. Havac 17:53, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The 181st got retconned into the events of The Empire Strikes Back, Shadows of the Empire, and Return of the Jedi, as indicated by The Making of Baron Fel. Shock Wave 18:42, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * They're not retcons. If it there was something saying "these specific fighters in ROTJ are the 181st," then it would be. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:55, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Then shouldn't Shadows of the Empire be removed from Appearances as well? 181stAce 15:31, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I'd like to see the paragraph of information about the "fake" 181st expanded into its own section; this is a major plot point for Aaron Allston's Wraith Squadron novels and, as such, has a lot more material to be explored, including the battles that the impostor unit participated in, as well as how the trickery with the droid fighters was discovered. Also, this use of the unit by Allston should warrant a mention in the BtS. -- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 21:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *But that's got not a damn thing to do with the 181st. If you want information about that, we really should have an article on Impostor 181st Imperial Fighter Group. All the information that's actually relevant to the 181st -- the fact that a duplicate unit was created, that it briefly fooled NRI, and was subsequently exposed -- is in the article. I mean, do we need ten sections in Palpatine on the Second Imperium fakeup of him and everything that fakeup did? Or do we just mention that there was a scam, give the details that are actually relevant to Palpatine and his legacy, and move on? Havac 22:55, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) ** Whatever about the IU stuff, a mention in the BtS is definitely needed, since Zsinj's fake was originally thought to be the real thing (I recall a fan letter complaining about it printed in one of the issues of Rogue Squadron). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:16, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***BTS added. Havac 00:55, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ****Thanks. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:19, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * I'm not a fan of the way the Zsinj-impostor thing is sourced. You have two sentences with three references tacked on at the end, but these aren't really helpful or accurate. Wraith Squadron is reffed to, but it isn't established that Tetran Cowell was masquerading as Fel in that novel, so it is a bit misleading. If you understand what I'm saying. I'm not sure if this is repeated throughout the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:22, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Resourced. Havac 00:55, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * This isn't so much an objection as a question, but why don't the "Commanders" and "Members" section have any sort of "ultimate fate" type thing. Granted, its not wholly relevant to the 181st, but one sentence saying what happened to them would be okay, IMHO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:19, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I considered that, but I ultimately decided that a description of their time in the 181st itself was enough. Otherwise, I'd get into, "Soontir Fel defected to the New Republic, then Thrawn convinced him to redefect, and then he was in this thing called the Empire of the Hand, until he was in the Chiss Ascendancy, and he had six kids but three of them died, and eventually his descendants ruled the Empire but we don't know how." It would be a lot of information at a very low level of detail that doesn't add much to the understanding of the 181st. Ultimately, if you want more information about what happened to them later, you click the link -- I just didn't want to get too distracted into chronicling the career of Evir Derricote and Soontir Fel and Turr Phennir instead of chronicling the 181st. Havac 16:16, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) Here we go... —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:57, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * I'm finally getting the hang of this. —Tommy9281 ( Safe harbor, my friend. ) 01:57, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)
Support
 * 1) As nominator.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:16, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Second. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) 14:46, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:34, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Prison Cell of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "A force cage was a device that was designed for and used to contain prisoners, the first examples of which were first seen some time prior to 3,956 BBY during the Jedi Civil War." Reword to avoid using first twice.
 * 3) **Done.
 * 4) * Who is Batu Rem? Context.
 * 5) **Added small blurb about him working for the Exchange.
 * 6) *Short and sweet.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 00:40, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Thank you sir.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:44, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) From the cockpit of Xwing328
 * 9) * Consider doing a "See also" for similar restraining systems, like whatever it was Dooku used on Obi-Wan in AotC.
 * 10) *The last two sentences of "Description" and "History" are way too similar.
 * 11) **This one still bugs me a bit, but not enough to continue objecting. —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:34, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Expansion: I could swear there are other instances in which force fields have been used to restrain people. I can't name the sources offhand, but I think that this should be mentioned. I'll try to find a few instances of this. —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) **Working on making the article for what I was thinking of now. Will add to the "See also" section when I'm done. —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:34, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * 1,052 words.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 00:16, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for counting, I was about to ask :P —Xwing328 (Talk) 05:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) I would like to point out that I wholeheartedly support this nomination, I think it's up to scratch, totally and utterly, and I would welcome any support votes for this work in this field. :) Please feel free to object as well. Thank you for your time, and we wish you a Merry Christmas. Thefourdotelipsis 02:59, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yay for retconny goodness. -- Ozzel 07:21, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:26, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * 30 FANs. Spoilt for choice. Thefourdotelipsis 01:43, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 19:03, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments
 * Ah do declare this here article nominated. Thefourdotelipsis 06:21, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
 * There seems to be conflict in Lufba's databank entry whether the plural of Yuzzum is "Yuzzum" or "Yuzzums." The DB uses both. —Xwing328 (Talk) 19:03, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) Not as nominator!  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Moffship of Chack Jadson:
 * 2) * "In 19 BBY, when Confederacy of Independent Systems General Grievous was located on Utapau, shadow troopers were called in to infiltrate six of the planet's sinkhole cities, and place jammers, which would allow[1] General Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Third Systems Army to invade the planet without notice. As a result, Grievous was killed, and Utapau was placed under Galactic Republic control."[3][4] The first part (up to Grievous) reads awkwardly. Add something to indicate the Confederacy's relationship to Grievous. I realize general is there but it doesn't make it any smoother. Supreme Commander might work. Also, does the reference formatting have to be like that?
 * 3) **If there wasn't such a strong correlation between the words "General" and "Grievous" that probably would have read as intended, but I suppose it doesn't. Altered.
 * 4) * "In some situations, such as the on on Utapau in the waning days of the Clone Wars, shadow troopers were inserted to ensure the successful entry of a much larger invasion force." Is there supposed to be something between the and on?
 * 5) **Meant to be a "one." Fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 07:40, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Nice.  Chack Jadson  (Talk) 16:45, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Whoever said that toys aren't canon? Plus...ARMAND. Thefourdotelipsis 12:03, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

(1 Inq/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) What I would give for a New Republic Commando-esque game... :-D -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:19, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2)  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 14:57, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) From the Long-Lost Gonk of Gonk:
 * 2) * I see "datadisk" and "datadisc." Better determine which is more canonical. I'd look but I don't have it handy.
 * 3) **Checked and fixed. :-)
 * 4) *More later. Kapp rules.  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 14:36, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **Yes he does.
 * 6) * The lead quote in P&T is screwy: "about it about people".  Gonk  ( Gonk! ) 15:40, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Odd. I could've sworn I'd corrected that. Fixed now, anyway. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:51, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

(2 Inq/3 User/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Piett, Plett, Platt, Plate? --Eyrezer 09:42, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Plat Mallar.  Graestan ( Talk ) 03:54, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) No plates. Bowls.  Master Aban Fiolli  {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I always enjoy reading your articles, Ey. Nice job. Greyman  @wikiajanitor ( Talk ) 22:41, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:49, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose
 * 1) Grass clippings:
 * 2) * Image:Plett's House.png has visible frame.
 * 3) * "Jedi students from the Jedi Temple" is a bit awkward.
 * 4) * "Jedi refugees from the Jedi Temple" is, also.
 * 5) * Linking could use a touch-up; noticed a lot of good possibles. Just a thought; I don't want you to link [[water]] or anything silly like that.
 * 6) *Excellent article. I loved it. Except the Y-wings part; everyone knows that Y-wings are junk. Graestan ( Talk ) 00:50, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) From the Forest of Goodwood:
 * 8) * A link to battlemoon might be desirable both in the introduction and body, but it's up to you.
 * 9) **That link is not to a generic class, but to the specific battlemoon of Varn...
 * 10) ***Fair enough.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 14:07, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "they did foil an attempt by Roganda Ismaren, another of the original children" -- You already mention Roganda, so this sentence should probably be amended.
 * 12) **Done
 * 13) ***Thank you sir.
 * 14) *Good article!-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 07:23, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
 * 16) *This sentence beginning the Powers section and the last sentence ending the Personality section both begin the exact same. Please reword to mix it up a little bit: "As a Jedi Master, Plett was proficient in diverse Jedi arts."
 * 17) *The Powers section becomes a bit rough to read with the way sentences constantly begin with "He was able, Plett was also, Plett was also, Plett was able, etc." Please mix it up a little bit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:27, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Higher quality images on their way... --Eyrezer 09:43, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/3 User/3 Total)
Support
 * 1) Take this, Jon! --Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Goodwood  [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 01:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Honed, Refined, Approved.  Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:32, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose Otherwise, not bad. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 18:10, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) She's actually mentioned briefly -- albeit with her named misspelled "Baruka" -- in Cracken's Threat Dossier, on page 26. I don't think there's any new info, but you'll have to reference the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:31, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *The article is now referenced and the BtS amended.-- Goodwood [[Image:Redstarbird.svg|20px]] ( Alliance Intelligence ) 22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Thanks muchos, Goodwood --Darthchristian 20:09, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * -) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:15, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Holocron of Darth Xadún...
 * 2) * Starting the 'Redemption' section with 'However...' doesn't flow very well. Either remove it or reword the opening sentence for this section.
 * 3) **Fixed. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *** You don't need 'though' on the end of this sentence either.
 * 5) ****Done. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) * I've noticed you use the word 'However' quite a lot. It gets very repetitive. Try replacing a few of the instances with other words or try removing it altogether and re-wording your sentences.
 * 7) **I fixed most of them, but I left two 'However's in there. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***That's fine, it's just when you use the same word a lot in a short space it gets mundane. Much better now. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to bring her back into the clan by driving her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." should read "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to either bring her back into the clan, drive her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." Please adapt this.
 * 10) **Done. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "She had a dark aura flowing about her, and wielded great powers that even Luke had not known of. " Is better off in the P&a rather than P&t section.
 * 12) **I kept the dark aura in there, becuase it signified how far she had fallen, but the second part of that sentence is now in the P&A section. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) *** The first sentence in the P&A section is now too long and rather fragmented. Break it up into 2 seperate sentences; one for the using of the 'spells' and another about her skill at the 'spell of illusion'.
 * 14) ****Done. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Millenium Falcon should be in italics as it is the name of a ship.
 * 16) **Done.--Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * "She wanted her various physical and mental damages to be healed by Luke, and her willfulness and eagerness to be redeemed led to her redemption by Luke." Alter this sentence so you don't use 'by Luke' twice and 'redeemed/redemption'. Try '...and her willfulness and eagerness to return to the Clan (or her family, whichever you prefer) led to her redemption.'
 * 18) **Used your suggestion there. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * The Powers section is rather brief. Mention about the Witches of Dathomir thinking the Force was magic spells and which 'spells' Barukka was proficient at. Also, because she could hear Gethzerion in her mind is more of an indicator that Gethzerion could use tlepathy rather than Barukka, so change this two.
 * 20) **I did my best on that one. I mentioned the spells and took Barukka's telepathic abilities out. I couldn't make it that much longer, because when I did, it sounded really POVish. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) *** "Barukka was not known for being able to block telpathic connections to her, and was tortured by Gethzerion, who exploited this." The sentence could do with re-arranging to sound less fragmented, and spellings, too. Darth Xadún ( Consult the Holocron ) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ****Fixed it up. --Darthchristian 00:02, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Single source, needs no referencing, there are no images of her, and I believe this is over a thousand words. --Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inq/1 User/2 Total)
Support
 * 1) The Anvil has pounded this one out nicely. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 16:59, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:38, 16 May 2008 (UTC) Comments
 * 1) From the cockpit of Xwing328
 * 2) *"Johun Othone returned with Master Farfalla..." This paragraph doesn't start well. Othone is "returning," but why, what from? Who is he? What's he doing here?
 * 3) **Addressed.
 * 4) *Question, not objection: "...the two Sith Lords, Bane and Zannah." Was Zannah actually a Sith Lord at this point?
 * 5) **Yes. Shortly afterwards (after he had recovered of course), Bane yelled at her, addressing her as "Darth Zannah".
 * 6) *"Echani Jedi Master and unparalleled lightsaber duelist..." She's obviously not an unparalleled lightsaber duelist, since she was defeated. Consider rewording to simply, "Echani Jedi Weapon Master..."
 * 7) **Addressed.
 * Thank you for looking, Xwing. If anything else is required, please let me know. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 11:29, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm ready for you Merciless Hammer, let's go. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil
 * Please remember to add the "Nominated" tag to your nominations. Thefourdotelipsis 08:30, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
 * My apologies. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support

Oppose
 * 1) Could you please try to expand the Characteristics section by a few sentences? I know not much info is available, but it just looks odd in its present state.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  20:58, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Not without making stuff up. The Databank entry is scant on details in that department, since it really focuses on the story. Thefourdotelipsis 22:58, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments
 * Nominated. Yes, it is 1000 words, though only just barely. Thefourdotelipsis 12:29, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)
Support
 * 1) As nominator. —Tommy ( Clean face and hands ) The Anvil 14:00, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments