Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Yun


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Yun

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:20, 20 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: "He is a Jedi. He deserves a FAN."

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1) I think that the article is featured article material.  ZEM  talk to me!   05:44, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Thefourdotelipsis 23:43, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  11:49, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) This article IS FA material. --Clonehunter 14:43, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 5)  —Xwing328 (Talk) 18:52, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:28, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 21:59, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) Find out who voiced him in the radio dramas. Mauser 11:00, 22 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *According to Dark Forces: The Collector's Trilogy audio drama, Timothy Kuhlmann. --Craven 16:30, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Wow, thanks Craven. I was looking in the web and couldn't find any info. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:14, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Four Dot:
 * 5) * "Indirectly, Yun continued to help Katarn even after his death; it was Yun's lightsaber that Katarn used to defeat Jerec and save the galaxy from his evil." - Evil is POV.
 * 6) **Removed the entire part about "saving the galaxy".
 * 7) * "In order for his plans to come to fruition, however, he needed the power of the Valley of the Jedi, a Force nexus formed in the outcome of the New Sith Wars, when the souls of numerous Jedi and Sith were trapped in the Valley as a result of the explosion of the thought bomb, a powerful weapon detonated by Lord Kaan, one of the last leaders of the Sith during that period." - This sentence should be broken up.
 * 8) **Broken up into two sentences.
 * 9) * "Rahn and his Rebel companions" - Which Rebel companions? You need to introduce them a few sentences earlier, or properly introduce them there.
 * 10) **Introduced.
 * 11) * "Sariss then gave Yun his next assignment&mdash;to find out what happened to Patrol Zulu, Able, Mary 341, which was long overdue." - Overdue for what?
 * 12) **Not for what. "Overdue" here means: "delayed beyond an appointed time".
 * 13) * Too much detail in the first paragraph of the "Differences between versions" section. And the second paragraph too. Don't specify the dialogue changes, just mention that there are dialogue changes. Thefourdotelipsis 00:33, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Cut the section in half. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:00, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) What happens after they meet Arden Lyn? You mention that he meets her but don't talk about it at all after that point.  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  17:13, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) *See ref #7. The scenario is open-ended. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:16, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) From the cramped cockpit of Xwing328:
 * 18) * No link to his own father.
 * 19) **Article created and linked to. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 09:44, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) * "Yun soon pledged his family's assets..." This sentence could use some work - it's rather convoluted.
 * 21) **I've broken up the sentence into two. Just in case, I've also created articles about his mother and sister. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 15:31, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) * "Soon, a Jedi called Qu Rahn was located on the planet Dorlo." The word "soon" doesn't seem related to this sentence.
 * 23) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:24, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) * "Rahn and his Rebel companions..." Are these Rebel Alliance rebels? If so, link; otherwise, lowercase. —Xwing328 (Talk) 04:11, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 25) **Although the book takes place in 5 ABY, they are still called "the Rebels" (uppercase). Linked to the Rebel Alliance according to it. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 15:15, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) Jinzler
 * 27) * The sources in the "Sources" section are not listed in chronological order --Jinzler 18:30, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 28) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 18:49, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 29) From the Chron-O-John of Green Tentacle:
 * 30) * "Yun once again began having dreams of himself killing many people" This appears to be the first mention of him having dreams (unless I missed something). Either mention it earlier or rephrase it here.
 * 31) **It is mentioned earlier now. The problem is that it is not exactly stated when he began having nightmares, so my placement is rather conjectural. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:14, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * "Boc and Jerec were left as the only Dark Jedi alive" Can you rephrase this? They were the last of Jerec's Seven Dark Jedi, but not the last Dark Jedi alive.
 * 33) **Rephrased.
 * 34) * Personality and traits seems a little disorganized, particularly the first paragraph which seems to jump around a bit. Could you try to arrange it a little better or at least split the first paragraph to make it easier to follow. While you're at it, you mention Sariss not returning his feelings before you get to the bit about him loving her, and the sentence starting "alternatively, when Jerec&hellip;" doesn't follow on from anything.
 * 35) **I've tweaked the whole section a bit. I think it flows better now. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 10:36, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 36) * The bit about getting rid of the Jedi spirits is a little clearer in powers and abilities than in the biography. Explain what he tried to do a bit better in the bio. Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:12, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 37) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 13:48, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 38) Saesee Tommy:
 * 39) * "In order for his plans to come to fruition, however, he needed the power of the Valley of the Jedi, a Force nexus formed in the outcome of the New Sith Wars." Was this when the previously mentioned Emperor Palpatine died? A note of context regarding when the NSW ended, so the next few sentences are covered as well.
 * 40) **Addressed. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 13:09, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 41) * "If Jerec could control the essence of the valley, he would be the ultimate power in the universe." A tad POV the way it is currently written.
 * 42) **Rephrased. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 17:14, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) * "However, Yun's frustration with the task he considered unworthy of himself and his doubts of the dark side faded away when Jerec took him to the planet in his personal ship, telling Yun many amusing stories along the way and leaving the young Dark Jedi with a sense of significance." This reads rather awkwardly. Please reword.
 * 44) **Broken into two sentences. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 13:48, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 45) * I still find the P&T to be a bit disorganized. You go from talking about Yun's love of Sariss to him killing alot. If they are at all related, you need to tie the subjects together a little better. It gives a feeling of jumping around all over the place.
 * 46) **OK, I tried to tie it a little better. I hate P&Ts :P
 * 47) * ''"However, upon seeing Sariss not responding to his feelings, Yun started to doubt if the fact that he was beside his love was worth the price he had paid for it. Can you reword so that it doesn't read so awkwardly?
 * 48) **What's wrong with this one? QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 06:29, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 49) ***I think I fixed it while addressing your objection above . QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 20:49, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 50) * In the P&A, organize your thoughts a little better. Talk about his offensive Force abilities, then his defensive/non aggressive ones, then his lightsaber/combat skills, or something like that. As it is, everything seems to be just jumbled together.
 * 51) **Addressed, I believe. I tried to structure it as you suggested. QuiGonJinn There's always a bigger fish. 16:22, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 52) ***Well done. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 00:54, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 53) * More coming. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 22:14, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 54) *Decent. —Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 22:07, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

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