Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Krin D'bis


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Krin D'bis

 * Nominated by: Jinzler 15:01, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Making good use of the Akial formula

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
 * 1) Excellent, very clean. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:06, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2)  CC7567  (talk) 23:08, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 00:23, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4)  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 06:34, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 22:48, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) IFYLOFD:
 * 2) * "A short time after her graduation, D'bis was picked to be an official representative of the Academy at a celebration that was being held on Dorumaa, the moon of Almas" Reword, because it sounds like D'bis was chosen while already at the celebration.
 * 3) **Reworded --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) **I see no change in the sentence.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 18:39, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) ***I did change it. I changed was being held to was going to be held. If you wanted me to change this further, then please let me know --Jinzler 20:05, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) ****Oh. I apologize.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 7) * "They traveled to Greentree Pointe resort on Dorumaa, where the celebration was being held and they set up a booth there, to try and recruit potential students for the Academy." Doesn't flow well.
 * 8) **Fixed --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 9) * Mention her species in the bio.
 * 10) **Mentioned --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "The campaign was a supplement to the Star Wars Roleplaying Game and Paarty On! was an interactive scenario, which was intended for use at roleplaying events." Doesn't flow well.
 * 12) **Fixed --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 13) *Nice work.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 21:25, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) **Thank you --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) Soresu
 * 16) * In the intro, instead of all that clumsy context for the Academy, you could just use "Almas Jedi Academy". It ptrovides the necessary context and varies the intro from the body.
 * 17) **Fixed --Jinzler 20:23, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) * You could mention in the P&T how she preferred a direct, aggressive solution to the problem of the Believers. SoresuMakashi ( Everything I tell you is a lie  the truth  ) 23:12, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 19) **Fixed --Jinzler 20:23, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 20) From the Council Chambers:
 * 21) * "D'bis was a Kel Dor, a sentient species that was native to the planet Dorin.": Is this really necessary in the P&T? It's already stated three times that she was a Kel Dor (intro, bio, infobox), and I just don't see the need for the rest&mdash;AFAIK, we don't usually contextify a character's species.
 * 22) **Removed --Jinzler 18:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 23) *Otherwise, looks great. &mdash;Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 19:30, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 24) **Thanks for taking time to look at the article --Jinzler 18:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments