Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Dician (second nomination)


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Dician

 * Nominated by:  Grunny  ( Talk ) 07:37, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Updated for Omen and back on the FAN

(5 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total/INQCON 5)
Support
 * 1)  Chack Jadson  (Talk)  16:05, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:54, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Nice job, Grunny. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 20:43, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Ditto. —Tommy9281  Dark side Master SWGTCG.jpg ( No quarter given, all exits sealed ) 17:15, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) The beginning of that bio is much better now. Good work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:56, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Frak. Apologies for holding this up. --  —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:03, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) "Dician was a dark-skinned female Human Sith Lord and member of the One Sith"&mdash;this summary of the infobox is present both in the introduction and the start of the biography. It gives the impression of desperately trying to reach the word limit. At least get rid of "dark-skinned". --Imperialles 20:54, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) *Removed "dark-skinned" from the intro.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 00:34, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) Harrar
 * 4) * "In her report to the conclave, Dician recounted how she had..." &mdash; in the interests of the biography, I believe that you should keep things chronological. Please restrict this section to how Dician recounted what she had done, but move what she had done to its correct place in the narrative.
 * 5) **Reordered a little, let me know what you think :).
 * 6) * She also considered the possibility that Jedi Knight Leia Organa Solo, who Dician deemed a traitor to the noble Sith name of Skywalker, was also onboard, which would double her pleasure at destroying the Falcon. Repetition of "also"
 * 7) **Removed second "also" as it wasn't really needed.
 * 8) * I don't like the Millennium Falcon being referred to as the Falcon, but am willing to accept the fact that it is often canoncically referred to as such. Can I get a second opinion on this?
 * 9) **I used "the Falcon" mainly to vary "Millennium Falcon" to avoid overuse. I tried changing them all to "Millennium Falcon" and some to "the freighter", but found "Millennium Falcon" when read a few times becomes somehow more repetitive than just "the Falcon". But I am not against changing them all if you think that would be more appropriate :).
 * 10) ***No that's okay upon consideration. Thanks for trying out the change though :) -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:03, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 11) * "launching from the asteroid base that was empty" &mdash; this doesn't read well. Please re-word it; I would but I don't have my copy to hand and am not sure of the relevance
 * 12) **Reworded.
 * 13) * "but that capturing the meditation sphere was an important and tangible prize" &mdash; this reads as though the action of "capturing" is the important and valuable prize. Please re-word.
 * 14) **Addressed.
 * 15) *I do wonder if she'll be used again...well done. -- —Harrar  ( Cut the comm chatter ) 23:18, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) **Thanks for the review, Harrar :).  Grunny  ( Talk ) 14:25, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) Toprawa:
 * 18) * The last few sentences of the third intro paragraph are very confusing to me, probably because I've never read these stories. Particularly, my confusion begins with this sentence, since no previous explanation is given for Rar ever traveling to Korriban: "During the engagement, the ancient Sith Meditation Sphere that Rar had piloted to Korriban, Ship, rose from the asteroid." Morever, can you try and cut down the end of that third paragraph to summarize it a bit more concisely/clearly?
 * 19) * The following few objections all pertain to the second paragraph of the bio, which I feel is desperately in need of a healthy explanation for the relationship between Alema Rar and the One Sith, Alema Rar and the Jedi Order (why is Alema Rar so special, in other words), and Jacen Solo and the One Sith, for people like me who have never read this stuff.
 * 20) ** This statement regarding the other Sith she had spoken is begging for context. I'd like to see a little bit more of an explanation for us dummies. Who are these other Sith she speaks of?: "fallen Twi'lek Jedi Alema Rar used information stored on a datachip in Lumiya's asteroid base, the Home, to locate the other Sith of which Lumiya had spoken, in order to gain support for the new Sith Lord Darth Caedus."
 * 21) ** I'm also confused here why you refer to Jacen Solo by his "real" name but refer to him as Darth Caedus previously. "Traveling to Korriban, Rar approached the One Sith to seek assistance in aiding Jacen Solo in his quest to bring order to the galaxy as a Sith Lord." Don't be afraid to provide context. To go along with this, I'm kind of getting the impression that Jacen Solo and the One Sith don't exactly like each other. A brief explanation of their overall relationship would probably go a long way here.
 * 22) ** Going along with the remainder of that paragraph, you could probably also include a brief description for Alema Rar's situation. I'm gathering from the next paragraph that she's an all-around outcast trying to find sanctuary with the One Sith. Please do explain.
 * 23) * Can we be more specific? What valuable knowledge does she contain? "to pursuing Rar due to the valuable knowledge she possessed."
 * 24) ** For my own benefit, I'll stop here. I'd like to have a great understanding of all of this before moving on. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:57, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

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