Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/CC-1993

CC-1993

 * Nominated by:  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:41, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My third FA(nom). Please be gentle.

Jangston

 * Reload your infobox.
 * Done.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:44, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * "In 21 BBY, Jet and Mundi were part of an armada sent by the Republic to reconquer the Outer Rim planet Geonosis," and "and together with Jedi Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, Mundi and his troops were tasked with recapturing the planet." are essentially the same, and only repeated information. Unless you can narrow the information and down and explain what they were tasked with on the planet, saying "they were sent to recapture/reconquer" is basically the same thing.
 * Reworded.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:44, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * "After the crash, Jet briefed Mundi about the situation, and the Jedi decided to try to reach Skywalker's forces and later rendezvous with Kenobi at the Republic landing zone. Jet, Mundi and their troopers took a way through a cave to meet with Skywalker's and Kenobi's forces." Please lessen the detail and condense the information given in these two sentences. Also "took a way" is improper.
 * Reworded and condensed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:49, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * "The main aim of Jet and the Republic troops was to destroy the droid factories located on the planet." Who is Poggle? (you never mentioned him before in the intro) I think it would be better to mention about the Republic's objective of taking out Poggle's droid foundry eariler in the intro. The addition you made about Jet and the Republic's goals on Geonosis was a good start.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * Adressed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:17, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Although they encountered fierce resistance by winged Geonosian warriors, they managed to unblock the path to the other side, where they met Skywalker's forces." I don't understand what's going on here. While I know what you're trying to say, per the episode, the information given here doesn't make any sense. What exactly did they unblock? I think you can find a way to just state "After meeting heavy resistance from Geonosisan warriors in the cave,..." or something along those lines to avoid any confusion.
 * Hope it's clearer now.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:49, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure who you're referring to in the second paragraph of the intro. Mostly you state "they" quite frequently. Can you try and keep the pov on Jet?
 * Modified it a little bit. Please try it now.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:49, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Jet and Mundi, who had been captured during the first battle of Geonosis," What do you mean "captured?" and are you referring to the Battle of Geonosis, not the second? IIRC, Jet wasn't said to be apart of the battle, which you're suggesting here. The TCW character encyclopedia states: "...He's determined that things will go better this time, and has spent hours looking over intelligence reports and discussing strategy with Commander Jet, looking for weaknesses in the defenses rebuilt by the Geonosians." You have the correct information within the article, but please don't imply that Jet was captured, which was false.
 * Better?  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:56, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * "and fellow clone commanders CC-7567 and CC-2224" Please take a good look here and see what's incorrect.
 * Stupid, even for my standards. Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:56, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * Originally you said Jet and Mundi and clan were aboard "a Star Destroyer," and later stated they were onboard the Resolute. If the latter is the former, as in being the Star Destroyer, please correct this. IIRC, the latter is correct.
 * Fixed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:56, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Descending to Geonosis, the Republic capital ships released groups of LAAT/i gunships and LAAT carriers, with Mundi and Jet being the last group to depart." By saying "the last to depart" you're referring to the Star Destroyer, correct? Because you stated "descending to Geonosis" it's implying that that Jet and Mundi were last to depart something on the world, which, I don't think, is what you're trying to say.
 * Cleared.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:03, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * I fixed it during my copy-edit.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Mundi ordered Jet to contact Cody and tell the commander to land his tanks." Land his tanks? Where exactly are these tanks. Basically clarifying this would go a long way.
 * Better?
 * Still remains  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * Ah, no I understand. Added an explanation.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:17, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * Okay, but it still isn't clear why you're pipelinking AT-TE to tanks. Also, please reread this sentence, carefully: "Mundi ordered Jet to contact Cody and tell the commander to land his tanks, which were transported down to the planet by some other gunships"  JangFett  (Talk) 20:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
 * Should be better now.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:16, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * What are these "tanks" you're referring to? The AT-TEs? For consistency, those are actually walkers, not "tanks." It's been a while to remember every single detail from the episode, but if they're referring to the AT-TE as tanks in the episode, and you're going back and forth saying tanks and walker in the article, please be consistent. I think the reason why I'm confused is that before you actually mentioned AT-TE in the article, you said "Jet contacted Cody to land his tanks."
 * As TCW has a habit to make things worse or false, I deciced to refer to them as "tanks" per the episode. If you disagree however, I'm fine to change that.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:03, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * That's fine, as long as you keep it consistent. Since you sparely use the word, you don't have to use a synonym for tank or just use the term walker.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * "However, Yularen made clear that the only thing he could do was to give them the coordinates of Skywalker's position. After reaching the ridge, Jet left some troops to guard the tanks and accompanied Mundi and the rest of the troops to an entry at the top of the ridge. Shortly after entering the cave," You never mentioned this "cave" in the bio, so at the moment, it's confusing.
 * Clarified.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:08, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * In both the intro and bio, what are these "bombers"? Can you proper state what were they. I.e, Y-wings.
 * Linked it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:08, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * While I can see why you pipelinked Y-wing in the intro, I don't see the need to pipelink it in the bio. Please take a look at my change to see if you agree with it.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm fine with it.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:17, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * For clarification, can you briefly explain how Kenobi was wounded?
 * Added, but I fail to see how this is relevant to Jet.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:08, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * Because you never mentioned how he was injured. Briefly adding some context doesn't necessarily hurt the article.
 * How was Jet "polite"? While conversing with his superior officers is seen, I don't know exactly how it was "polite."
 * Meh. Removed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:08, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * I think you jumbled up all your information in the P&T. Keep it consistent&mdash;mention his personality, then go into what he used in combat/his armor, ect."He obeyed the orders given to him and used a pair of DC-17 blaster pistols in combat on Geonosis." What does one have to do with the other?
 * Done.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:14, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * Still remains. I would mention his height beforehand then go into his character, I.e, what he did on Geonosis, then explain his armor and weaponry.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * Done.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:17, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * In the bts, can you make it clear that the information about Jet was called Captain in the episode was an inconsistency?
 * Adressed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:14, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * Lee, by now, you should know to keep any letter outside a pipe link within the double bracket. I.e, clone s should be clone s. I saw the former at times throughout the article.
 * All clear. Thanks for the review.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 19:14, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * Lee, again, please be careful with the pipelinking.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'll try to look at it more in the future.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:17, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Mundi ordered Jet to load the wounded clone troopers in the AT-TE tanks and try to reach a ridge to meet with Skywalker and his forces." Try to reach a ridge?
 * Should be adressed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:22, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * Look at the ridge/cave objection below, Lee.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
 * "while the commander contacted Admiral Yularen via comlink to ask for air support on the back of a tank." Again with wording issues&mdash;he wanted air support on the back of a tank?
 * Changed wording.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:22, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * In the bio, what was the significance of going through the cave? You currently say "which seemed to lead to the other side" but I'm not sure what you mean. Also "seemed?"
 * Please try.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:22, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * It's very confusing with what's going on with the ridge and cave. Before you mention the cave, you say "Mundi ordered Jet to load the wounded clone troopers in the AT-TE tanks, while the troops would try to climb a ridge to meet with Skywalker and his forces." It sounds like they were right by the ridge, but then to add to the confusion, you later say: "After reaching the ridge, Jet left some troops to guard the tanks and accompanied Mundi and the rest of the troops to a cave at the top of the ridge, which lead to the other side and therefore to Skywalker's troops." Not only this, in the former sentence, you say once they climb the ridge, they will meet Skywalker's troops, but later say they had to go through a cave. Also with Yularen's dialogue, it sounds like Jet and Mundi didn't know where Skywalker was so how could know where to go if you say they had to climb a ridge? Can you please clarify these issues.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
 * Hope it is clearer now.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:35, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * "...try to climb a nearby ridge near to the staging area to meet with Skywalker and his forces." "and the rest of the troops to a cave at the top of the ridge, which lead to the other side and therefore to Skywalker's troops" Still remains  JangFett  (Talk) 04:11, November 18, 2011 (UTC)
 * Fact tag in the bts.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:53, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * Sourced.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 18:17, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
 * "Jet and Mundi spent hours on studying intelligence reports about the planet's defenses and discussed strategies to invade the planet, especially because the Cerean had been captured during the opening battle of the war on Geonosis." At the moment, I'm not how these two clauses connect. Why would Mundi's capture reflect on he and Jet wanted to study intelligence reports and the planet's defenses? If you can't find a way to build up Mundi's stress over being captured and wanted to find a way to break Geonosis' defenses, per the TCW CE, I would leave this bit out.
 * Please try it now.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:16, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * Fact tag in the bio; you're going to have to take care of the sourcing yourself, Lee. I cannot continuously source information for you. In the episode, the term "Point Rain" wasn't mentioned at all nor was it said to be the Republic staging area until later.  JangFett  (Talk) 20:49, November 15, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm sure that I sourced that. Adressed.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 11:16, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
 * No, it wasn't properly sourced.  JangFett  (Talk) 04:11, November 18, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

 * My last FA was nommend at 10.10.2010, the third at 11.11.2011. There must be a meaning behind this.  Clone Commander Lee  Talk 13:44, November 11, 2011 (UTC)