Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Zak


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Zak

 * Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 07:21, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: No work to do, and a quiet good article. My first nom.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
 * 1) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 18:45, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) After a final bunch of small fixes.  Mauser  Comlink 20:59, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  CC7567  (talk) 19:08, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Looks good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:14, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Though I would prefer that an article for the last appearance is created. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 17:25, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) The Grand Master's first look
 * 2) * First off, the intro should not be sourced, while the rest of the body should.
 * 3) **I believe that this one still remains. Please read this page for more information on how and what to source. Let me know if you want help with this one :).
 * 4) *** Yes i need some help with this. --Clone Commander Lee 17:35, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) * Intro: You have no context for Rugosa, or why Yoda had to be transported there.
 * 6) ** Now the Toydarians have no context, and it is unclear why Zak would take Yoda to Rugosa, a neutral moon, to meet with the Toydarians.
 * 7) ***"During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 8) * Biography: It's unclear in the bio why Katuunko wanted a Jedi to be sent.
 * 9) * Biography: context is missing for Asajj Ventress.
 * 10) ** This one still remains. For context, simply add what the subject is. For example: "Supreme Chancellor" is context for "Palpatine". In this case, Asajj Ventress was a Dark Acolyte, so when introducing her into the intro and bio for the first time, you could put (in the case of the intro) "...ordered there by Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress..."
 * 11) * Biography: "in order to save General Yoda from the superior frigates". What about the frigates was so superior? It is unclear here why the frigates are so dangerous to Yoda, and what made them superior (i.e., their firepower? size? etc.)
 * 12) * Biography: Why did Yoda order him to launch all the pods? How would that fix the problem?
 * 13) * The Personality and traits section could be beefed up a bit. I'd suggest adding why Zak was afraid of getting Yoda killed, or being more specific on why he cared so much. Right now it's a little flat.
 * 14) ** In trying to add why, you have merely made speculations. Make sure you can back everything up with facts. He was most likely not just loyal to the Republic, but also his Jedi commanders, and was concerned for Yoda's life. The last sentence of the P&t is now grammatically incorrect as well, leaving the meaning rather unclear. I'll take another look once you fix these :). Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 14:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 15) ***I've gone ahead and cleaned this up a bit myself. In the future, make sure that you don't have any speculative information; also remember to check your grammar for errors. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 19:24, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 12:11, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) ** I#ve finished with these edits. --Clone Commander Lee 18:36, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) Mauser:
 * 19) * Republic frigate: first, you link to it twice in the intro; second, one of the links leads to redirect instead of the actual Consular-class cruiser (Charger c70 retrofit). Remove one of them.
 * 20) * P&T requires expansion.
 * 21) **No more datas given. --Clone Commander Lee 07:55, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 22) ***You can said about how he operated under attack, about how he have reports to his Jedi General - lots of things to talk about.
 * 23) ****Better now, try to expand it a little more to make it interesting to read.
 * 24) * When you talk about Katuunko talking to Palpatine etc., you should add a reference to The Clone Wars: Prelude, as it isn't shown in the Ambush itself.
 * 25) * Source for the "First year of the war"?
 * 26) * Isn't Zak a Clone naval officer according to The Clone Wars Campaign Guide?
 * 27) * "Jedi Grand Master Yoda, Zak and two Coruscant Guard troopers were sent to the planet on a Republic frigate along with clone trooper pilots and commander CC-4477, with Zak in command of the ship." - a bulky sentence, needs to be rewritten.
 * 28) * Asajj Ventress, who asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves. - it was said by Dooku, not Ventress.
 * 29) *Also made small fixes along the way.  Mauser  Comlink 07:29, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 30) ** Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 08:02, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 31) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 08:32, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 32) * Also, since Zak is a redirect page, I suggest you move your page to that name and then add Template:youmay to both your page and Zak Arranda.  Mauser  Comlink 08:47, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 33) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 34) The Grand Master, part two
 * 35) * First, please see my standing objection above: "During the war, he was tasked with transporting Jedi Master Yoda to the neutral Toydarian moon of Rugosa in order to get the Toydarians to side with the Republic." This is still unclear: how would Yoda traveling to Rugosa get the Toydarians to join the Republic?
 * 36) * Intro: "during the Clone Wars. During the war&hellip;" This is slightly redundant when read as such. Could it be reworded, so that you don't say "during the" quite so close together?
 * 37) ** Done.
 * 38) * Intro: it is unclear why Ventress ordered the frigates to intercept Yoda.
 * 39) ** Done.
 * 40) ***I believe this one still remains.
 * 41) * Intro: If Zak is a captain, (as you imply at the end of the intro) then his rank should be mentioned and linked earlier in the intro.
 * 42) ** Zak is according to the visual guide a naval officer. --Clone Commander Lee 18:27, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 43) *** Which is all fine and good, but you call him "Captain Zak" at the end of the intro, implying that he was also a captain. If this is incorrect, then please remove the "captain". If he was also a captain, then that needs to be stated earlier in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:35, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 44) **** Done.
 * 45) *****This one still remains, please check again.
 * 46) ******Finally fixed.
 * 47) * Biography: You say that Katuunko ruled the Toydaria system, but I'm pretty sure he ruled the planet of Toydaria. Please check this.
 * 48) * Biography: "was sent with Zak in command of the ship." What ship? You haven't mentioned any ship thus far.
 * 49) * Biography: "Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." This is grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 50) * Biography: The above sentence doesn't seem to make sense with the rest of the article. I've seen the episode, so I understand what you're trying to say, but you need to work it into the article better in order to show its significance.
 * 51) **The new wording fixes that problem for the most part, but there are still grammar/spelling issues.
 * 52) *** Done.
 * 53) ****This one also still remains. Watch out for tense, especially.
 * 54) ***** Finally fixed.
 * 55) * Biography: "Zak wanted to retreat immediately in order to save General Yoda from the larger and more heavily-armed frigates." You should probably mention first that the frigates were better, and then say that Zak wished to retreat in order to protect Yoda's life.
 * 56) **There are some BIG grammar issues here, now. Please re-check, and, if needed, use microsoft word.
 * 57) *** Done.
 * 58) ****This also remains. I'd suggest using Microsoft Word to help wih grammar issues.
 * 59) ***** Cause i'm not a native english speaker i don't have such a word programm. --Clone Commander Lee 16:56, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 60) ****** Finnaly fixed.
 * 61) * Personality and traits: "He also was calm during the attack and managed to bring the ship to safety and spoke very respectful with Yoda." This is a run-on, and is also grammatically incorrect. Please fix.
 * 62) * Personality and traits: "He also personnally overtook the communication with the Toydarian Royal Delegation and was worried when he received no answer." This sentence doewsn't really make sense. First off, it could be worded more clearly, and second off, I don't see what this has to do with Zak's personality. It sounds more like something that he did during his life, in which case it should be placed in the Biography.
 * 63) **You moved this up to the bio, which is good, but now there are some huge grammar problems with this, too. Please re-check.
 * 64) *** Adressed.
 * 65) * Personality and traits: You use "He also" two sentences in a row. I would change at least one of them, so as to avoid repetition.
 * 66) * Behind the scenes: You need to ref the fact that he was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker.
 * 67) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jujiggum ) 20:01, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 68) ** Adressed. --Clone Commander Lee 17:42, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 69) ***Several of my objections still remain. Please see those which I have not yet stricken. Also, your The Clone Wars: Visual Guide reference was done incorrectly. As I have already stated, you are not supposed to ref the intro. I fixed this for you, but I think it would be beneficial for you to visit this page so you can learn how to correctly source articles. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 70) ****Some still remain. I'd suggest going through the article and carefully checking for grammar-related issues. Once those are removed, it'll be easier for me to more effectively review the article. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 18:58, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 71) ***** Should now be fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 19:20, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 72) ******I'm still seeing unfixed objections; please fix those which I have not stricken. Also, please look over the whole article for grammar issues; I suggest using Microsoft Word if you need help with this. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 20:05, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 73) A few more from Mauser:
 * 74) * "Upon arriving on Rugosa, Katuunko was approched by the Dark Acolyte Asajj Ventress and a hologram of Count Dooku. Dooku asked the king how could the Jedi protect the Toydarians if they could not protect themselves." - I fail to see how exactly is that relevant to Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 03:12, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 75) ** It was now rewritten
 * 76) ***You probably misunderstood me, I did not ask to rewrite this, I asked to remove this, because it does not reflest on the character of Zak in any way.  Mauser  Comlink 15:20, 19 June 2009 (UTC)´
 * 77) ****It tells the background and why Zak and his ship were ambushed.
 * 78) *****You have an explanation already ("sent by Asajj Ventress, to prove to Katuunko"). The whole third paragraph of the bio ("Upon arriving on the coral moon, Katuunko") has absolutely nothing to do with Zak. 19:06, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 79) ******Well it explains the mission background. What would you suggest? --Clone Commander Lee 19:27, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 80) *******Remove it. The mission background is established and expanded in the previous paragraph. This one tell about what happened to Katuunko, and has nothing to do with Zak.  Mauser  Comlink 20:10, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 81) ********Removed
 * 82) *********Be careful with what you remove, context on Ventress was gone. I returned it and will give another look later.  Mauser  Comlink 17:57, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 83) **********Thanks. --Clone Commander Lee 18:12, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 84) * You must also add the episode guide and Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Visual Guide as a sources and check them for any missing info.  Mauser  Comlink 10:02, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 85) ** Done. --Clone Commander Lee 10:06, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 86) ***Not yet. I am unsure about the Visual Guide, but the episode guide definitely mentions Zak in some way and should be used as a source.  Mauser  Comlink 15:20, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 87) **** Should now be fixed.
 * 88) One last look from the Grand Master
 * 89) * At the beginning of the bio you say that Zak was raised to be a part of the Grand Army, but if he was a naval officer, I think it would be more correct to say he was raised for the Republic Navy. With this change, however, that sentence would have to be rephrased, since not all of the clones were trained for the Navy.
 * 90) ** Adressed.
 * 91) ***Please incorporate this into the first sentence. As the Navy was not the GAR (it operated alngside the army, it was not a part of the actual army) you cannot say that he was trained in the GAR. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:07, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 92) ****Adressed.
 * 93) *****As I stated earlier, you'll need to reword the sentence now, because not all clone troopers were trained for the Navy, which is what you currently say. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 17:23, 20 June 2009 (UTC)'
 * 94) ****** Fixed.
 * 95) * You should probably add some mention of the Confederacy listing post Skytop station, which intercepted the messages between Palps and Katuunko. Also, did Ventress actually send the frigates, or was she sent by the Confederacy with them? (I can;t remember for sure). But if she was sent with them, then this needs to be clarified, as right now you say that she sent the frigates.
 * 96) ** I'm not sure about Ventress, the rest is adressed.
 * 97) ***The sentence you added is choppy, and breaks up the flow. Also, you need to find out about Ventress. If you do not have access to watch the episode, ask around on the IRC for someone who might. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi Beacon ) 20:07, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 98) ****The sentence is corrected. It is never clearly stated if the frigates where sent by or with Ventress.
 * 99) *****Well, since they were definitely sent there at the same time as Ventress for a collaborated purpose, "with" is more correct, so I fixed it.
 * 100) * The first and last sentences of the P&t are a little choppy. Please rephrase for flow.
 * 101) ** Adressed.
 * 102) * Jonjedigrandmaster ( Jedi Beacon ) 21:48, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 103) ** Thanks for the three reviews and the patience. --Clone Commander Lee 18:10, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 104) Attack of the Clone
 * 105) * That second sentence of the intro needs to be reworked; it's too much of a run-on. You may not have to mention Katuunko at all in the intro, as he's not necessarily directly related to Zak.
 * 106) **Reworded.
 * 107) ***Please check this again; it's still very long and unwieldy.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 108) ****Adressed.
 * 109) * Can you get another quote in either the bio, the P&T, or both? I'm quite sure he had more dialogue.
 * 110) **None good found
 * 111) ***I do believe there was something about the escape pods, and I don't see why it wouldn't be appropriate to add it in.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 112) ****I know the quotes only in German. Could you help me ?
 * 113) *****I'll handle the quotes (with audio) for ya when I get home. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 18:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 114) ******OK, the quotes are added. I also augmented the P&T section to include the bold trait shown in the quote for that section. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 19:24, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 115) * Zak was a captain, but this isn't mentioned at all in the intro and is mentioned rather late in the bio. Please get it in the intro and mention it earlier in the bio.
 * 116) **Zak was according to the visual guide a naval officer.
 * 117) ***And according to the episode, I believe, he was also a captain. He can hold two different ranks; he's not only limited to one.  CC7567  (talk) 18:32, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 118) ****Is there any source that he is a captain ? If what ? --Clone Commander Lee 15:53, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 119) *****I was under the impression that you had found one, since the bio already states that he's a captain. In any case, I can't seem to find any source that states it, but please check the Ambush book, as I don't own it.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 120) ******Checked. He is no captain.
 * 121) *******If he's not a captain, then why are you still saying he is in the article?  CC7567  (talk) 18:35, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 122) *******Fixed.
 * 123) * The second and third paragraphs of the bio are reading more like a summary of the Mission to Rugosa instead of Zak's biography; they're too focused on other characters. Please shorten them, and where possible, remove the unnecessary content.
 * 124) **(Should be) Fixed
 * 125) ***It can still be cut down. All that needs to be said is that Zak was assigned to transport Yoda to Rugosa for negotiations with Katuunko regarding a Toydarian base. Please try to shorten the whole paragraph, as it focuses too much on details irrelevant to Zak; all that needs to be said of Katuunko and Palpatine is that a meeting was arranged on Rugosa. Keeping Skytop Station in there is fine, but you need to source it properly. The episode didn't confirm that Skytop Station intercepted the transmission; only Katuunko's Databank entry states that Skytop Station intercepted it.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 126) ****Adressed.
 * 127) * "so that the Separatists couldn't concentrate all of their fire on just one pod": the sentence is worded backwards and isn't very clear; please reword it.
 * 128) **Fixed.
 * 129) ***Please check again; I'm not seeing a change.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 130) ****Fixed.
 * 131) *****"avoiding that the Separatists couldn't concentrate all of their fire on just one pod. This still isn't clear, particularly with the use of "avoiding".  CC7567  (talk) 18:38, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 132) ******Fixed.
 * 133) *******This is still improper English. "trying to avoid that the Separatists couldn't concentrate all of their fire on just one pod" is in a very bad need of rewording, and it's still making absolutely no sense. If you need help, please let me know, but I can't help you if I don't know what you're trying to say.  CC7567  (talk) 21:16, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 134) ********Yes i need some help with this.
 * 135) * In the P&T, while Zak indeed "remained calm" during the attack, mentioning it directly seems to be overemphasizing it. Although it's a fact, it doesn't necessarily differentiate him from any other clone trooper, as there isn't anyone to compare him to for this trait. Please consider removing it.
 * 136) **Fixed.
 * 137) * While verb contractions are acceptable in FAs and GAs, I'd like you to remove them where possible, as their excessive use is making the article colloquial.
 * 138) **(should be )fixed.
 * 139) ***Please check this again; I'm not seeing a change. If you don't want to change them, that's fine, but please state so.  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 140) ****I like it so.
 * 141) * Overall, I'm seeing a lot of unnecessary details in the article that are not relevant to Zak, <including "to prove to Katuunko that the Jedi and the Republic could not protect themselves, let alone the Toydarians." Please take another look over the article for these issues.  CC7567  (talk) 06:18, 21 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 142) **Checked.
 * 143) * Can another relevant picture be found for the article body?  CC7567  (talk) 20:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
 * 144) **I'll ask JMAS.
 * 145) ***I'll get one when I get home. With me, I only have the larger image that the infobox image is cropped from. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 18:46, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 146) ****Second image added as of last night. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 12:55, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 147) * "Katuunko wasn't against the proposal, but he advised the Chancellor to send him a Jedi, as he had heard that a Jedi was worth a hundred battle droids in battle, and wished to meet one." One, the first part of the sentence is roundabout and unspecific. Two, there's too much detail irrelevant to Zak. Just saying that Katuunko requested a Jedi for negotiations is enough.
 * 148) **Adressed.
 * 149) ***Please check this again; "Katuunko wasn't against the proposal" is still unclear, and saying that he "advised" the Chancellor to send a Jedi sounds like he had power over Palpatine. The entire sentence still needs to be reworded.  CC7567  (talk) 21:16, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 150) ****Fixed.
 * 151) * "and was bold enough to question Yoda's plan to travel with his clone trooper escorts in an escape pod to the moon's surface": this isn't "bold" in its true definition. Yes, he questioned Yoda's order, but that doesn't make him bold.  CC7567  (talk) 18:38, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 152) **Since I added the statement, I'll address it. The definition of bold is 1.not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff and 2. not hesitating to break the rules of propriety; forward;. Both those definitions fit perfectly. A clone trooper questioning the decision of a High Jedi General breaks the rules of propriety, and he didn't hesitate in the face of possible rebuff from a superior officer. To me, that shows that Zak was definitively bold. -  JMAS  Hey, it's me! 20:01, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 153) ***Yes, you're right, but "bold" can also be taken as that he was challenging Yoda's orders just for the heck of it, and there's currently no reasoning in the article to state otherwise. It needs to be more specific, so Lee, if you're going to keep it, please be clearer.  CC7567  (talk) 23:44, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 154) ****It's better now.  CC7567  (talk) 00:15, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments