Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Variise

Variise

 * Nominated by: Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 18:22, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Hooray for AJs.

Support

 * 1) Poor girl, she's named after varicose veins. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 17:01, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2)  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 00:37, May 29, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) Excellent work; an enjoyable read. Graestan ( Talk ) 20:12, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * AJs, yay! --Imperialles 14:05, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) More stuff! Thefourdotelipsis 10:19, June 3, 2010 (UTC)

Farl

 * "allowing to Variise surprise the thief " I think there's something wrong with the sentence including this string, probably with this string specifically.
 * Reworded.
 * BTS: Ward's picture shows the woman's face half-covered by the shadow of her hood, so that she could or could not have Variise's facial tattoo. However, the miniature clearly lacks the tattoo, meaning that while Ward's picture has been retconned as Variise, the miniature has not. Should this be specified?
 * I've made a mention of it.
 * Hooray for black-clad, whip-holding, commanding, attractive girls! Uh, don't get me wrong, I'm talking about Mystrils. Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:51, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * Whatever you want to call them. ;) Thanks for the review! Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 16:54, May 27, 2010 (UTC)

IFYLOFD:

 * Please add some indication of the timeframe in the first couple sentences of the intro (i.e. when she was the Moff's bodyguard)
 * The source gives no indication of when or for how long she Caerbellak's bodyguard.
 * "In the middle of the parade, the pilot of one of the All Terrain Armored Transports in formation identified himself as the very thief who stole the prototype, Sienn Sconn." This sentence could be reworded to make it clearer that Sconn is the thief, not the prototype.
 * Reworded.
 * Quote for early life section?
 * There's no dialogue relating to that section.
 * Rydonni Prime affair section: "Responsible for the Moff's safety," This is redundant, as you repeatedly mention that she is responsible for his safety earlier in the body.
 * Removed.
 * "As Caerbellak continued threatening K'ntarr's life, one of the parading walkers stopped and the pilot identified himself as the very thief that stole the prototype, who in actuality was Sienn Sconn." Again, it could be clearer that Sconn is the thief and not the prototype.
 * Reworded.
 * That's all.  IFYLOFD  ( Floyd's crib ) 01:08, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 01:36, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
 * Fight's a bit too play-by-play. Perhaps some summarization is in order. Graestan ( Talk ) 04:27, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
 * Summarized, tell me how it looks. Xicer9 [[Image:atgar.svg|20px]]( Combadge) 19:13, May 30, 2010 (UTC)

A few things:

 * Intro: Could you cut down the detail surrounding her fight with Sconn just a tad?
 * BTS: "This image was also used as the basis for a Mistryl Shadow Guard miniature" Is there a source actually stating this, or is it OR?
 * Images: Would it be feasible to swap File:MistrylShadowGuard.JPG and File:Unit718-A.jpg around? The latter is a big help in clarifying the Sconn incident.
 * Solid as usual. Rydonni Prime next? --Imperialles 11:04, June 1, 2010 (UTC)