Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/The Barsen'thor (second nomination)

The Barsen'thor

 * Nominated by: QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 11:57, March 13, 2018 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: Because I don't like leaving things unfinished.

Support

 * 1) Added it to WookieeProject The Old Republic's FAN section. Good work.  Fan26  ( Talk ) 18:46, October 4, 2018 (UTC)

Fan

 * No clue how this made it almost seven months without any objections or support votes. But I digress. At the bottom of the page, under I believe either "Skills and Abilities" or "Personality and traits", the following appears: "In addition to speaking Galactic Basic Standard, the Barsen'thor was versed in many languages of the galaxy. He could understand Dosh,[2] Gand,[23] Binary,[30] Nikto[37] Jawaese,[42] Shyriiwook,[51] Sullustese, Selkath,[59] Rakata[75] Esh-kha[77] and Mandaba.[89] In addition, the Barsen'thor was a skilled pilot, successfully performing many flight missions for the Coruscant Aegis under the callsign "Guardian."[4]" Does the instance of him speaking Sullestese and Selkath occur in the same scenario, therefore both are sourced to ref 59?  Fan26  ( Talk ) 02:16, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * Correct, those two languages are featured in the same mission, hence why they are grouped under a single ref. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 06:19, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * "Around that time, a sickness known as the Dark Plague struck the Jedi Order once again, driving Jedi Masters across the galaxy insane" This might just be my feeling, but the way the sentence is phrased is like the Dark Plague was mentioned elsewhere in the article, though this is the first mention of it. Would you consider revising the sentence?
 * Fixed. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 14:42, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * "The Jedi Master was still missing five years later when an alliance of various factions was formed against the Eternal Empire." Do you think the word "against" should link to Revolt against the Eternal Empire?  Fan26  ( Talk ) 14:23, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * Sure. Done. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 14:42, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * " The Children were unwitting deep-cover agents of the Empire who shared a Force connection with the leader of the Empire, the allegedly immortal Sith Emperor Vitiate himself. " I think "unwitting" should actually be "unwilling".
 * Unwitting: adj. Not knowing; unaware: an unwitting subject in an experiment. I think it better describes their position, don't you think? QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 16:35, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * Good point.
 * In the "Disappearance and Death" section, the tomb's caption reads "Barsen'thor's tomb on Chandrila". I think "The" should be added to the beginning of it, since it's a title and not a name.  Fan26  ( Talk ) 14:51, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * Added. If you see such minor mistakes, you are more than welcome to fix them yourself. You don't have to ask the nominator's permission every time :) QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 16:35, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * That's good to know, thank you. Those were the last things I saw. Fan26  ( Talk ) 18:46, October 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * I realized that since the character was confirmed to be male, we know which voice it canonically has. Would it be possible to get audio for the quotes where 'he' speaks?  Fan26  ( Talk ) 16:46, November 29, 2018 (UTC)

Ecks Dee

 * The LG places otheruses above any header templates.
 * Moved. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 08:27, October 8, 2018 (UTC)
 * I understand you want to avoid repetition and vary between usages of Barsen'thor/the Jedi/the Consular, but it gets somewhat confusing in some parts of the intro as I'm not 100% sure to what something is referring. Example: "Learning an ancient Force ability called the shielding technique from the Noetikon devices, the Jedi traveled from planet to planet, using the technique to sever the sick Jedi Masters from the influence of Lord Vivicar, the Sith mastermind behind the plague." Seeing as you talk about Jedi Masters in the previous sentence, it's not inconceivable that "the Jedi traveled" refers to the Masters rather Barsen'thor.
 * Made some adjustments. Please take another look. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 08:27, October 8, 2018 (UTC)
 * "the Barsen'thor participated in the fight against the Children of the Emperor." Is there/should there be an article for this particular fight/crisis/whatever?
 * Linked. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 08:27, October 8, 2018 (UTC)
 * "The Children were unwitting deep-cover agents of the Empire who shared a Force connection with the leader of the Empire, the allegedly immortal Sith Emperor Vitiate himself. The Children had infiltrated deep within the ranks of the Republic, their presence masked by the power of the mysterious First Son." I feel like dedicating two whole sentences to context is a bit excessive when it comes to the intro. See if you could condense this a bit. 1358  (Talk)  21:36, October 7, 2018 (UTC)
 * Done. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 08:27, October 8, 2018 (UTC)
 * I made some further tweaks in the intro, particularly trimming some context I found excessive. Please have a look and see if that's okay.
 * Looks good. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 07:54, October 11, 2018 (UTC)
 * "During the Battle of Corellia, the Consular discovered that the First Son was in fact a sleeper persona implanted inside Jedi Master Syo Bakarn" I feel like it's a bit misleading to link Sleep/Legends here, as sleeper agents don't really have anything to do with the act of sleeping.
 * I might have gotten a little carried away while trying to improve overall linking in the article. Removed.  QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 07:54, October 11, 2018 (UTC)
 * Seeing as we know the exact dates for the resurgence of the Sith Empire and the Cold War, I think it'd be a good idea to put these in the early bio to establish some sort of timeframe for the reader.
 * Added. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 07:54, October 11, 2018 (UTC)
 * Before I start with the rest of the bio, please keep the location of Main consistent. Right now it's below the quote template in some places and above in others. I don't think we have any policy on this, but personally I think it looks better placed above the quote template (think of it as a header template of sorts). 1358  (Talk)  19:13, October 9, 2018 (UTC)
 * Done. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 07:54, October 11, 2018 (UTC)

Comments

 * Issues from the previous nomination have been addressed. Paragraph size has been significantly reduced, and some long sections have been split up. QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 11:57, March 13, 2018 (UTC)