Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/CC-01/425

CC-01/425

 * Nominated by: Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 20:10, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments:First FAnom for WP:VG, my second FAnom.

Support

 * 1)  Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  01:22, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

Exiled Jedi

 * You need to have dates for the battles he advised Delta squad in. You should probably have these in the intro, and you should definitely have them in the biography section. Having the number of days after the start of the war is fine and should be included, but you need to have the BBY date as well.
 * Done.
 * Since you do not source the BBY date for Geonosis to the game, you probably need to have references noting the calculations required to get these dates.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  15:22, August 7, 2011 (UTC)
 * Done. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 02:26, August 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * You still need to provide a reference stating how you got the 21 BBY year date in the second paragraph of the biography. The game doesn't have this date, so you need to show how you determined it.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  20:38, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * Try something like that then. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:07, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
 * "He then tasked and directed them through their investigation of a Acclamator-class assault ship in the Chaykin cluster." This makes it sound as if right after the Battle of Geonosis they were send to the assault ship, and I pretty sure there was a fair amount of time in between.
 * Try that.
 * Could you expand the part of his biography about his advising of Delta Squad during the Battle of Geonosis. It seems that there could be a little more here to me.
 * Check that out.
 * Mention what kind of ship the Arrestor was.
 * Done. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:33, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * I don't think that the part about most troopers switching to Phase II armor can be sourced to the game. Please find another source.
 * Got it.
 * After you fix these objections I will look over the article again.
 * Alrighty.
 * Great opening quote by the way, it captures the character perfectly.-- Exiled Jedi  Oldrepublic crest.svg (Greetings)  22:19, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks, but some other user put that on there. :P Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 01:33, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

fgdfhdh

 * Since you took care of all my prelims I gave to you on IRC, here are my main objections:
 * Alrighty.
 * In the bio, you said that he served as a clone advisor, though as it lies, you mentioned it prior to the Clone Wars. The intro mentions that during the war he was an advisor. For consistency, could you please take a look at this?
 * Done.
 * Your bio is implying that he oversaw more than one squad, but it's not stated in the intro. In the intro, it sounds as if he only oversaw Delta Squad
 * Fixed.
 * Was he a clone trooper or a clone advisor? I changed "clone" to clone trooper in the intro since you mentioned at one point, I think in the equipment section, that he was wearing clone trooper armor, which made me jump to that conclusion. Saying just "he was a clone in the GAR" could mean a lot of things, such as he was a clone of a Jedi or something, and not a Jango clone trooper.
 * Try that.
 * "he guided Boss to where he met up with the rest of Delta Squad. After getting the squad together," I don't understand what's going on here. This needs supporting detail as it brings up why was he guiding Boss to his squad/how did this occur.
 * Check that out.
 * "After Delta Squad completed this task, CC-01/425 informed the squad of their next part of their mission, which was disabling an underground droid factory. He then oversaw the squad's raid on a Lucrehulk-class Core Ship." Specifically the last sentence is very choppy and could be merged with the previous sentence. You shouldn't have to explain that he tasked the squad in one sentence, and then in the next sentence say he watched them.
 * Done.
 * See what you could do to break up that second huge paragraph to form neat, concise paragraphs. Possibly you have to go around and look at the other paragraphs.
 * Try that.
 * "Grievous was there to take Tarfful into custody, but when Delta Squad struck, he fled the planet in the Soulless One, and left the squad to battle his IG-100 MagnaGuards." This sentence is confusing. You say Grievous left the planet, but then he left the squad to battle his droids? Unless I'm misreading this, I'm assuming that's what you're saying.
 * Try that.
 * Much better
 * "The job of settling the angered and upset Delta Squad fell to CC-01/425." Why was Delta Squad angered and upset?
 * Done.
 * "He insisted that the commandos get a hold on their emotions," This definitely could go into the P&T, and what you could do in the bio, is mention that he tried to help them without going into too much detail. Save any of that for the P&T.
 * Check that out.
 * Again, please specify "clone" in the P&T.
 * Done.
 * "CC-01/435 wore Phase I clone trooper armor rather than Phase II clone trooper armor." This doesn't make much sense, unless you're referring to he kept wearing his Phase I throughout the war. You do briefly explain this in the next sentence, but see what you could do to change this sentence to make it flow better with the next.
 * Try that.
 * I think I might go through the article once more, but good work. Be careful of overlinking, though. You linked planet several times in the last paragraph.  JangFett  (Talk) 21:45, August 6, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for reviewing. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 23:07, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

QGJ

 * Have you checked Republic Commando: Prima Official Game Guide for any mention of him? QuiGonJinn  Senate seal.svg(Talk) 18:08, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
 * No relevant info. Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 00:17, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

Attack of the Clone

 * Was he actually a member of Delta Squad? If he wasn't, I would be hesitant to include said unit as an affiliation in his infobox. Please check the source material or explain any potential reasoning in the matter.
 * Since he was the one who guided them through many of (and all of the in-game) missions, I figured that that would be worth an affiliation.-- Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 15:04, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * Still, did he actually lead the squad in any way or did he only issue orders to them? If it's the latter, I would still say that doesn't qualify completely as an affiliation&mdash;it just appears to be command structure.  CC7567  (talk) 03:16, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * Removed.-- Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 20:46, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * Droid factory is a disambig page, which is a big no-no for linking. Please either find the correct article or create one as appropriate.
 * Found it.
 * "He operated as a clone advisor during the Clone Wars and was charged with overseeing Delta Squad&mdash;an elite unit of clone commandos&mdash;in their operations. When the Clone Wars broke out": the way this context is organized is a little too non-chronological. Unless he was assigned to overseeing Delta Squad prior to Geonosis, I would suggest first detailing his operations with Delta Squad during the Battle of Geonosis, and then say that he continued to oversee Delta Squad throughout the "resultant Clone Wars" or something. Otherwise, it doesn't sound prudent to mention the Clone Wars before it's even started in the chronology of the article, as is currently the case.
 * Check it out now. I decided just to leave that part out, since it's rather redundant.-- Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 15:30, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * For reference notes like this: "The New Essential Chronology states that the First Battle of Geonosis occurred in 22 BBY." I would suggest simply listing the text of the ref note as "The New Essential Chronology" because it doesn't seem like there's a good reason to state in the ref note the exact information that you're referencing&mdash;if the NEC is cited as a source after the 22 BBY date, which is currently how it's formatted, the reader should be able to deduce that the 22 BBY info is from the NEC.
 * Changed the number 3 ref. I left number 4 ref the same, though, since it describes a bit more reasoning and deduction.-- Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 15:20, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * Okay, that's fine.  CC7567  (talk) 03:16, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * I'll leave you with these preliminary objections, and I'll start a full review once these have been fixed.  CC7567  (talk) 05:11, November 1, 2011 (UTC)
 * Please be consistent about referring to the commandos by their designations or nicknames in the quote captions. Two out of the three have nicknames, while the other has designations.
 * Fixed.
 * "After Boss had rendezvoused with his comrades, CC-01/425 tasked Delta with the assassination of Geonosian Archduke Poggle the Lesser's chief lieutenant, Sun Fac. After Delta Squad completed this task, CC-01/425 informed the squad of the next part of their mission, which was disabling an underground droid factory and raiding a Lucrehulk-class Core Ship in orbit of Geonosis.[2]" Overall, this section is rather static, too p-b-p, and not very detailed. Did they actually complete their assignments? Please smooth out the wording here to make it more flowing and interesting.
 * Coming from that last objection, I'd like you to check the rest of the article for similar p-b-p parts before I continue. You're gradually amassing a lot of experience with writing FAs and GAs, Cal, and the more of this you can do on your own automatically without having to be asked to, the smoother reviews generally go. Please see what you can do.  CC7567  (talk) 03:23, November 7, 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the compliment, and I've tried to go through and fix some of it. To tell you the truth, I often have trouble deciphering when I'm adding too much info and making it p-b-p, and when I'm not adding enough and leaving stuff out. So, see what you think of the changes I've made.-- Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 23:06, November 8, 2011 (UTC)

Jinzler
In the infobox, his height and his homeworld are sourced to the "Clone troopers" databank entry, yet in the main body of the article, this information is sourced to Republic Commando. I was just wondering if you could clarify whether or not this is intentional and whether Republic Commando can be used as a source for this information. --Jinzler 20:53, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
 * Fixed.-- Cal Jedi Infinite Empire.svg (Personal Comm Channel) 16:51, November 5, 2011 (UTC)