Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Raid on the Armand Isard Correctional Facility


 * ''The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Raid on the Armand Isard Correctional Facility

 * Nominated by: Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 22:31, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Nomination comments: My first FA nom!

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)
Support
 * 1) Even though it's not a dead body, my fingerprints are already on it.  CC7567  (talk) 22:49, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 2) Voted for it on GAN, will do the same for FAN.  IFYLOFD  ( You will pay the price for your lack of vision! ) 03:32, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3)  Graestan ( Talk ) 15:10, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) This is my "in-depth review." :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 19:21, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) Already reviewed it on the GAN.  Grunny  ( Talk ) 14:36, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) Thefourdotelipsis 23:30, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 7)  Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 21:28, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

Object
 * 1) From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
 * 2) * I'll make a more in-depth review later today, but first, I don't get what the quote under "Aftermath" has to do with the raid. Sure, Jag had an alibi, but that's pretty much all it has to do with the event. Please change/remove it. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research.svg (Comlink) 11:02, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) **Changed. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jedi beacon ) 11:09, 6 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Four Dot
 * 5) * "This raid was a rescue mission" - Which raid? Where? I see no raid. Use the conjectural name in the intro.
 * 6) **Done.
 * 7) * "This raid was a rescue mission attempted by rogue Jedi Seff Hellin, who was affected by the same psychosis as Jedi Knight Valin Horn—an illness which caused the affected being to believe that everyone they knew had been replaced by impostors except for other beings that suffered from the disease—in 43.5 ABY." - This doesn't work particularly well as an opening sentence. You're telling us more about the illness than the event.
 * 8) **Better?
 * 9) * "As his raid began, Hellin was attacked by two Darkmeld members—Imperial Remnant Head of State Jagged Fel and bounty hunter Tahiri Veila, and Hellin managed to defeat the pair." - Could be worded a bit better.
 * 10) **Better?
 * 11) * The intro is a bit too in-depth, and could certainly be pared down length-wise.
 * 12) **I tried slimming it down; is this better, or not enough?
 * 13) ***No, that's fine. Thefourdotelipsis 23:30, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) * "When Valin Horn was encased in carbonite, the Jedi were robbed of their chance to study the mysterious psychosis that he had developed, but the raid provided them with a new subject to study in Seff Hellin, and the hope for potentially finding a cure was salvaged." - What's this doing in the BTS?
 * 15) **Removed.
 * 16) *That's all. Thefourdotelipsis 01:23, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 17) **Thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 02:24, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) From the Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 19) * Reads rather redundantly: "Meanwhile, as a last-minute addition, Jaina and Imperial Remnant Head of State Jagged Fel decided to add Mirax Terrik Horn, "
 * 20) **Changed.
 * 21) * You vary between referring to Jaina Solo as Jaina or Solo. Please use the latter; I don't see enough other members of the Solo family to merit using her first name.
 * 22) **Ok, I think I got them all. Let me know if there are any I've missed.
 * 23) * Same with Mirax. Consistency is good. Terrik Horn is probably the best variant to use. However, the article alternates between "Mirax" and "Terrik Horn".
 * 24) **Same as above.
 * 25) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:08, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
 * 26) **Thank you :) Jonjedigrandmaster  ( Jujiggum ) 21:09, 13 May 2009 (UTC)

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