Failing Up With Jar Jar Binks was a comic appearing in Star Wars Tales 20.

Plot summary[edit | edit source]

Failing up with Jar Jar Binks.

The story begins with Jar Jar Binks singing another of his songs. His aides whisper to each other and wonder whether all Gungans are as bad as him. The two aides decide it is time for Jar Jar to actually do some Senatorial work and ask him whether he has decided which way he'll vote for the New Tax Bill. But Jar Jar "no like to think about Paxes."

Jar Jar demands that his aides tell him how to vote. One suggests that more revenue would be necessary to protect trade routes from space pirates. Jar Jar decides to vote "yes" as "Soak Da Rich" is his motto. Unfortunately the other aide begins to give reasons why in fact he should vote "no." Talk of votes and "Mamendmenps" confuses Jar Jar until his head hurts. He eventually decides to vote "no" as "Lead my rips, NO MOO PAXES!"

Later Jar Jar meets with some other Senators to discuss going to war with rebels. Jar Jar is "for" going to war as "Jar Jar been Great warrior, Eesa fact!" The Senators tell Jar Jar a Rebel Emissary has arrived to negotiate a truce. Jar Jar immediately dives behind a desk, screaming in terror that a "Cold-Blooded Mercenary is in da bilbing." Apparently, despite his huge ears, Jar Jar misunderstands words extremely easily.

When the Emissary walks in, Jar Jar's eyes pop out of their sockets. The Emissary is conversing with another senator when Jar Jar's lust overcomes him and he licks the Emissary, exclaiming that the "Pretty mercenary tastee as gooda she lookee!" The Emissary walks out of the negotiations angrily, having been offended by Jar Jar's antics. As far as she is concerned that incident means war.

The Campaign Trail.

Later Jar Jar attends a debate with a rival on the campaign trail. The rival finds it completely absurd that Jar Jar was ever elected and brings up that Jar Jar was once even banished in disgrace. The rival also dismisses Jar Jar's war heroism as based entirely on two Jedi Knights who only let him hang around for comic relief. Jar Jar counters this by saying "Comedy relief good for morale, meesa regular Bob Hope." The opposition to Jar Jar also refers to the recent incident that resulted in war. The rival then begins referring to Jar Jar as "blithering", calling him a "dunderhead." That is when Jar Jar objects: "Meesa not dunderhead! Meesa am childlike! That why all of Universe adore Jar Jar… while you sir, am no Jar Jar Binks!"

The opposition is forced to admit that it is true as the crowd cheers. And so Jar Jar is re-elected as a Naboo Senator. As he is celebrating with his senatorial friends, a mysterious stranger suggests that Jar Jar run for higher office, considering he is so popular.

Jar Jar is instantly swayed to the idea, as the stranger tells him he'll have even more time to play and all the Naboo Bug Juice he can drink. Jar Jar immediately starts jumping around yelling "Jar Jar for preseedenty!" The stranger takes Jar Jar into his private chambers, where a Hologram of Darth Sidious awaits to talk to him.

Jar Jar claims that he "recognizes a Shake Down" when he sees one. Jar Jar tells Sidious that if they're working together, Sidious will be working for him! Jar Jar demands that both of them bow before "the future ruler of the entire universe!" They both kneel... "Yes Master," Sidious replies.

Appearances[edit | edit source]

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Star Wars Tales
Tales 1: Life, Death, and the Living Force · Mara Jade: A Night on the Town · Extinction, Part 1 · Skippy the Jedi Droid
Tales 2: Routine · Extinction, Part 2 · Stop That Jawa! · Incident at Horn Station
Tales 3: The Death of Captain Tarpals · Deal with a Demon · Lady Luck · Three Against the Galaxy
Tales 4: Moment of Doubt · A Death Star Is Born · Spare Parts · Sand Blasted
Tales 5: Yaddle's Tale: The One Below · What They Called Me · A Summer's Dream · Hoth · Lando's Commandos: On Eagles' Wings
Tales 6: The Hovel on Terk Street · A Hot Time in the Cold Town Tonite! · Fortune, Fate, and the Natural History of the Sarlacc
Junkheap Hero · The Hidden · Thank the Maker
Tales 7: Single Cell · Nerf Herder · Jedi Chef · Outbid But Never Outgunned · Force Fiction
Tales 8: Captain Threepio · The One That Got Away · The Secret Tales of Luke's Hand! · Death Star Pirates · Bad Business
Tales 9: Resurrection · Hate Leads to Lollipops · The Rebel Four
Tales 10: Trooper · Skreej · Nameless · A Wookiee Scorned! · Free Memory
Tales 11: Prey · In the Beginning · The Princess Leia Diaries · Tall Tales · Ghost
A Jedi's Weapon
Tales 12: A Day in the Life · A Jedi's Weapon · The Revenge of Tag & Bink · Once Bitten · The Duty
Tales 13: Puzzle Peace · The Secret of Tet-Ami · Survivors · Stones · The Sith in the Shadow · Children of the Force
Tales 14: Apocalypse Endor · The Emperor's Court · Urchins · Tides of Terror · The Lesson · Smuggler's Blues · Mythology
Tales 15: Sandstorm · First Impressions · Falling Star · Do or Do Not · Slippery Slope · Lucky Stars
Tales 16: The Other · Best Birthday Ever · The Long, Bad Day · Kessel Run · Lunch Break · Heart of Darkness
Tales 17: Planet of the Dead · All for You · Phantom Menaces · Ghosts of Hoth · The Apprentice · Dark Journey
Tales 18: Number Two in the Galaxy · Payback · Being Boba Fett · The Way of the Warrior · Revenants
Tales 19: Collapsing New Empires · The Value of Proper Intelligence to Any Successful Military Campaign is Not to Be Underestimated
Rather Darkness Visible · The Rebel Club · The Lost Lightsaber · Into the Great Unknown · Storyteller
Tales 20: George R. Binks · Who's Your Daddy · Fred Jawa · Luke Skywalker: Detective · Hunger Pains · Failing Up With Jar Jar Binks
Nobody's Perfect · Problem Solvers · Melvin Fett · Young Lando Calrissian
Tales 21: Nomad Chapter One · Walking the Path That's Given · Equals & Opposites
Tales 22: Honor Bound · Nomad Chapter Two · Marooned
Tales 23: Shadows and Light · Nomad Chapter Three · Lucky
Tales 24: Marked · Fett Club · Unseen, Unheard · Nomad Chapter Four
Trade paperbacks
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