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Vader's armorEdit

  • Would you like a GA-level or FA-level list of suggestions? Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 04:10, 16 December 2007 (UTC)
  • From the high-powered desk of Atarumaster88
    • Needs a longer intro
    • Source everything
    • Expansion needed- everything in Appearances section that doesn't have {{Mo}} by it should have information in the article.
    • Most items in the sources should be heavily mined for information.
    • Needs more information.
    • "Intimidating appearance" is POV. Try "Appearance".
    • Check capitalization.
    • As it stands, the images are a bit crowded. More text will alleviate this, but the ratio is skewed.
    • Article should be more properly organized into a section on design and functionality, a section on history (with an origin section as well as Vader's use of it). Also, a nice long BTS can be written on this, say from ROTS documentary, Making of Star Wars, etc.
    • With so little content, examining the prose is not of great value, as most of it will need to be greatly expanded.
    • An infobox (sourced) would be nice.
    • Have a . . . you know the routine. Hope that helps you get an idea of what has to be done. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 04:23, 16 December 2007 (UTC)
  • I'm afraid I don't have any of those. I might suggest Jaymach- he has a lot of rather obscure sources. Also, you might try asking in IRC- someone usually things of that sort. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 04:24, 16 December 2007 (UTC)
    • You're welcome. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 21:59, 16 December 2007 (UTC)
      • Heh heh, you came to the right person. When the standard IRC gateway doesn't work, it's time for a bit of creativity. Try this: [1]. When you load that screen, change the server to niven.freenode.net and type in your nickname. Don't change anything else. That'll get you into IRC. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 06:40, 17 December 2007 (UTC)
  • From the reloaded desk of Atarumaster88
    • The use of "off and on tinkered" in the intro is suspect; could be better worded.
    • " as seen when Luke removed it when Vader was dying" appears to be OOU. Reword or remove.
    • I'm hoping all that stuff in the design part is stated in a sourcebook or something and not just fan observation. The former is preferred.
    • "was fairly normally shaped around the back"- what is a normal shape?
    • Unless mentioned in a source, the reference to the kama is unnecessary.
    • " Though he was limited in areas, as a suit it gave Vader a much larger window of opportunity." This sentence doesn't make a whole lot of sense or serve a meaningful purpose.
    • Is there an extra apostrophe here? "mask's 'goggles.'"
    • "thus were replaced and performed by his armor". Remove the "and performed by"
    • "his boots remained planet to the floor while"- I think it's supposed to be "planted"
    • Gah! Present tense! "Vader's breathing is machine-regulated"
    • It seems to me that there is an awful lot of speculation in here. I recommend you look at other technology-type articles to see what type of content is allowed; I also recommend you ask someone with more knowledge of the source material than I- perhaps Darth Culator or Gonk or Green Tentacle could help you with that.
    • Check the tone of the writing. It should be written in an encyclopediac tone, and there are parts of it that sound more . . . informal. That doesn't really help, sorry. Parts of it also read like an analysis, rather than a description.
    • Is the "height" section really germaine to the armor? Just something to think about.
    • More present tense: "the worst of Vader's injuries result from "
    • Origin section is a bit too long; condense so it's not a retelling of the last thirty minutes or so of Ep. III
    • The paragraph starting with this sentence: "Upon his revival as a cyborg, Vader questioned his Master about Padmé." is entirely unnecessary.
    • "The outbursts were brief enough not to roast him totally, but the instantaneous peak power is remarkable."-- this is a clear case of analysis rather than description. Cut it.
    • "Luke Skywalker suffered lingering effects from the milder Force lightning he had experienced a few days after the encounter."--> Paragraph that starts this sentence is entirely unnecessary.
    • Glove of Darth Vader needs a mention in "Design"
    • Go through and read it again, checking to make sure everything sounds NPOV.
    • "As well, at times he manipulate his blade with just his wrists, not moving his arms"- missing a "d".
    • Kind a long critique- sorry about that. It's definitely long enough, and has come quite a long way. Excellent work on sourcing everything, just make sure that it's concrete canon you're citing, and not just interpretation. That sort of thing makes me wince, even if some might say it's acceptable. Like I said, you would probably be better off finding someone more knowledgeable about the subject. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 02:46, 27 December 2007 (UTC)

Hushperspace Edit

Hello, Solus. Long time no type. Do you have an e-mail? I can summarize some of the stuff for you if so. Are you trying to get Darth Vader's armo(u)r to FA? If so, well, I have an idea... Thefourdotelipsis 23:52, 16 December 2007 (UTC)

  • Oh, Hydro FAd Trioculus. So you might want to drop him a line too. I'm not sure if I help you right at this moment, but I can certainly help you later within the week. Pop onto IRC if you can, and we'll talk...uh...shop. Thefourdotelipsis 01:57, 17 December 2007 (UTC)
    • I've got Star Wars Kids 6 and History of the Mandalorians. In regards to the IRC thing...that's quite curious. I'll ask around and see what could be going on there. Thefourdotelipsis 02:32, 17 December 2007 (UTC)
      • I'll get you that info within the week...hope that's not too long. In regards to IRC, the Wikia gateway has been blocked by Freenode, apparently. So that means that in order to get on, you'll have to use ChatZilla or something. Thefourdotelipsis 03:11, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

WP:NEGTCEdit

Re: Vader's armorEdit

Well, that is a wonderfully, vividly detailed article. Definitely could be an FA someday, and should be.

I revised for style, clarity, mechanical mistakes, and removed whatever redundancies and speculation I felt comfortable removing. Now for the list of things I did not feel qualified — or sufficiently motivated :p — to do:

  • Rearrange the article by armor component; its current layout is disorganized and repetitive. I feel it makes no sense to discuss the backpack near the start of the article and then not describe how it works with the lungs until several sections later. I would start with the top of the helmet and work my way down.
  • Remove speculation re: duration of Vader's pain after losing his hand ("appeared to be"), unless a source (such as a novel or novelization) clearly states it.
  • Revise the last sentence of that same paragraph; it makes no sense.
  • Cite the whole "lifting a guy w/the Force" thing (I included a {{fact}} there).
  • The last paragraph of the Limbs section should probably be BTS. Also, Vader may have meant "healed" sarcastically or metaphorically. (I guess only the author knows for sure!)
  • I don't feel good about the vertebra section. A little bit of RL perspective on anatomy is a good thing, but this goes too far; parts like "he would have been bedridden" are almost Saxtony in their insistence on Earth-like technology when we know darn well that they can perform near-miracles with SWU technology. There may be other sections that include more speculation than we generally allow, but this one jumped out at me.

Also, I removed the entire "causes of death" bit, since it was all speculation. The "lack of oxygen to the brain" bit was particularly unnecessary, because lack of oxygen to the brain is the ultimate reason for everybody's death.

And the reason I changed the "Vader grieves over what might have been" caption is because, assuming the big picture of Padme was what he was thinking of, he was actually grieving over what HAD been, which would sound lamer still.

Let me know if you have any questions about my edits or additional concerns. Gonk (Gonk!) 15:03, 27 December 2007 (UTC)

  • You may be right about the organization. Let's leave it as it is for now and worry more about it if it's brought up later :) As for the "lifting a guy" thing, what I meant about the citing was that the specific instance where it was used on Tatooine should be referred to in the prose as well as cited. (And by the way, if it's a direct quote besides changing the tense of the verbs, that's copyvio and it needs to be paraphrased.) Your reduction of the vertebra section satisfies me—it's still illuminating but not as speculative—but maybe it could go in its own subheading, "Spine," just under "Limbs"? Gonk (Gonk!) 15:33, 28 December 2007 (UTC)

FA pageEdit

  • Are you still interested in working on Darth Vader's armor? Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 04:26, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
  • Next time you are online, please leave me a note, and hopefully we will be able to meet in IRC. I have something to deliver to you. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 02:43, 12 January 2008 (UTC)
  • Ha . . heh . . . oops. Yeah, sorry. I thought it might have been Perfect Evil. Culator just said to pass it on. :-P Anyway, I'll get the cover details worked out and sent to you once I release the next part onto the SWF site, if you're still interested in doing the cover. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 05:44, 18 January 2008 (UTC)

Tulak Hord Edit

I was just reading the article Tulak Hord, which I believe you wrote, and I would just like to congratulate you on the pure brilliance of it. You are a complete model for all the fanon wikiers out there, and I would just like to say well done for a brilliant article! Indeed, I also respect your moral values; many users these days are slipping into rude, offensive and vulgar language, and it's good to see someone with strong moral beliefs, and I'd just like to say that I completely respect that. I don't know what awards there are to give you, but if I did, you sure would have one!

Darth tom 21:10, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

FYIEdit

  • Are you planning on working on Darth Vader's armor? Greyman might have that comic you need; I'm not sure what else there is. Also, how is the FE III cover coming along, if you don't mind my asking? Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 00:35, 5 February 2008 (UTC)
    • Cool. I should probably ask this on your other talk page, but did you draw those 3-D images you're uploading, or just pull them off the site? Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 00:43, 5 February 2008 (UTC)

OpinionEdit

As you are the force behind the Padmé Amidala's wardrobe article, and the original uploader of the image in question, I thought I'd ask your opinion. For File:PadmeCW10.jpg. I originally overwrote your upload with a promotional full body shot, showing the entire outfit, from ScreenThemes. It was from an image at 1024x768 screen res. I guess Culator felt the edges were too jagged, so he reverted the image and deleted the previous versions. I took the resolution down to 640x480 and the edges are smooth now. However, if I attempt to upload the image again, Culator will likely arbitrarily ban me without justification. So, here is the image showing the photo bucket dot com )/albums/bb310/JMAS137/EU/?action=view&current=PadmeCW10.jpg full outfit. If you think it would be better, given the subject of the article, feel free to upload it in place of the current image. Cheers. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 20:45, 3 March 2008 (UTC)

  • If you want to, then go for it. But I don't want his grudge against me to bleed over onto you. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 16:57, 4 March 2008 (UTC)

Quick image creationEdit

  • Solus, would you mind doing a quick image job? There's been an award proposal on WP:AP stagnating for awhile. I'd approve the "Master and Apprentice award" if it had a better image- perhaps with some Aurebesh text on it or something. Anyway, anything you could do in those regards would be greatly appreciated, and it shouldn't take very long. Thanks. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 22:46, 24 March 2008 (UTC)

M&A Award Edit

Thanks for your help with my award. You did an amazing job. I never dreamed it would use a medal! I know who to talk to for future award needs. Speaking of which, I have another good idea for an award that involves a picture of Jango or Boba Fett. I'll tell you about the idea later. For now, I've got to go. ~Roger Roger~ 11px| Home of the B1s 11:53, 26 March 2008 (UTC)

New Award Idea Edit

Hey, Solus. Do you remember the award that Ataru asked you to create an image for? Well, can I ask you to do it again? I'm thinking something with blue and silver with Jango Fett in the center. If you say yes, of course. I'm still impressed with your work on the Master And Apprentice award, so tell me your answer. The idea is, as last time, here. Please read the details before accepting or declining. Thank you for your time. ~Roger Roger~ 11px| Home of the B1s 20:24, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

PadmeEdit

  • Padme is currently up for FA removal by the Inquisitorius. If you're interested in keeping its status, you might want to address some of the issues and/or request assistance on WP:NEGTC. Thanks. In addition, you might also wish to place a Relationships section and expand some of the smaller sections. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 17:57, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
    • As you wish. A lot of those fixes are fairly minor, if you ask me, though. Atarumaster88 20px (Talk page) 19:39, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
  • I guess you never had time to do the crossword. If you are too busy to do it for this week, please say. If not, can I have it in ASAP please? 163px My page iChat What I've done 06:57, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

NEGTCEdit

Hello. I'm the new director of WookieeProject: The New Essential Guide to Characters, and I'm trying to improve our output. Our new main focus is Lando Calrissian. He's been a focus of ours in the past, but we've never quite finished work on his article. Let's work together, add information from the remaining sources and get it on the FAN page ASAP. See Forum:Lando Calrissian for a list of sources that still need more information added from them. MTFBWY, and let's get Lando finished and ready for FA! Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:08, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Question for yaEdit

Hey, any reason you created a page under Ataru's user namespace? Just curious. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:03, 29 July 2008 (UTC)

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