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"When Jabba frowns... somebody dies."
Doikk Na'ts[src]

We Don't Do Weddings: The Band's Tale is a short story by Kathy Tyers from Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina, which was published by Bantam Spectra in August 1995, about Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes. It takes place in 0 BBY. This is the first of two stories from the collection to be made into a full-cast audio drama.

Plot summary[]

Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes are members of the Intergalactic Federation of Musicians specializing in a style of music known as jizz. While working on the planet Tatooine, they enter into an exclusive contract to work solely for the crime lord known as Jabba the Hutt. Figrin, however, wants to get out of his contract.

One of Jabba's rivals, a Whiphid named Lady Valarian, sends an E522 assassin droid to Jabba's Palace to recruit Figrin D'an's services. Valarian offers them 3,000 credits to perform at her wedding to the Whiphid hunter, D'Wopp. The allure of Valarian's Sabacc tables notwithstanding, Figrin feels that this would present an excellent opportunity to earn enough money to book passage off of Tatooine and get out from under the thumb of Jabba the Hutt.

The band sneaks off to Mos Eisley and sets their equipment up at the Star Chamber Café inside of Valarian's popular nightspot, the Lucky Despot Hotel & Casino. They began playing at the wedding reception, but during the stage breaks, Figrin begins spending the band's hard-earned credits at the Sabacc tables.

Jabba learns of this breach of contract and sends several of his henchmen down to the Lucky Despot to disrupt the festivities. This also allows Jabba the opportunity to sabotage his rival's enterprises. As luck would have it, Imperial stormtroopers likewise raid the casino. The band quickly gathers their equipment and scurries outside.

The Dorenian Beshniquel player known as Doikk Na'ts meets with one of the party guests, an untidy Human named Wuher. Wuher invites the band to play at his establishment down the street – Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina. The Modal Nodes accept the offer, but with the caveat that they will be leaving the desert planet at the first given opportunity.


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