- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Comprehensive article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Contents
Peace-sealing[]
- Nominated by: — Samonic 19:49, 12 May 2022 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Fifth nomination related to the mighty (and peace-sealed) Kilji Illumine
- WookieeProject (optional): Novels
(3 ECs/0 Users/3 Total)
(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)
Support[]
- Just check this is ok, plating made of plates is a bit redundant :) Manoof (he/him/his) (talk) 05:30, 27 May 2022 (UTC)
- OOM 224 13:05, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
- JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 19:50, 30 May 2022 (UTC)
Object[]
Macaroni[]
This sentence has way too many parentheticals and is thus very hard to follow, please reword: "After the leader of the Illumine, Generalirius Nakirre, was killed by Jixtus, Nakirre's former ally, the Pathfinder navigator of the Whetstone, Qilori, ordered a Kilji vassal, one of Nakirre's enlightened servants who followed the Kilji beliefs, to remove the peace-sealing to fire at Jixtus' flagship, the FateSpinner, in an attempt to kill Jixtus."- (Review note) Please read this as I'm still seeing a lack of understanding on how to use a comma correctly in your articles. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 21:23, 12 May 2022 (UTC)
- Per Discord discussion and several fixes, I believe I finally understand this, thank you for your help—addressed.— Samonic 09:24, 13 May 2022 (UTC)
The first sentence should introduce what peace-sealing is instead of just saying what it's used for.- Done.— Samonic 08:24, 20 May 2022 (UTC)
The first sentence of the second paragraph comes out of nowhere, can you reword it so that it flows a little better?JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 18:00, 19 May 2022 (UTC)- Not sure how to fix the second objection, let me know if what I have done is adequate.— Samonic 08:24, 20 May 2022 (UTC)
- I've reworded it a bit, but what I'm still confused on is why Nakirre's death causes the FateSpinner to be fired on. JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 18:57, 20 May 2022 (UTC)
- Not sure how to fix the second objection, let me know if what I have done is adequate.— Samonic 08:24, 20 May 2022 (UTC)
Last thing: is the quote missing some italics for the Whetstone?JediMasterMacaroni(Talk) 17:38, 23 May 2022 (UTC)- Done.— Samonic 07:13, 24 May 2022 (UTC)
DFaceG[]
The last paragraph could be split into a few different sentences and use some emdashes, as it stands it's kind of a run-on sentence. DFaceG (talk) 07:40, 26 May 2022 (UTC)It looks like citation #2 could potentially be simplified for easier reading. DFaceG (talk) 07:40, 26 May 2022 (UTC)Does the Whetstone count as a location if it's a vehicle/vessel? DFaceG (talk) 07:40, 26 May 2022 (UTC)- Emdashes added; I can't really figure out how to simplify it.— Samonic 08:06, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
OOM[]
Good work. Just a few things from me:- Is there a need to specify that the Kilji Illumine government was theocratic?
- Not really, I have done it for all of my nominations, though.Samonic 13:09, 29 May 2022 (UTC)
- The date note is rather long, but there's a template for the Lesser Evil timeframe, so what you can do here is pipelink that template like so: "The main events of ''[[Thrawn Ascendancy: Lesser Evil]]'' take place in [[18 BBY]] per the reasoning [[Template:LesserEvilDate|here]]."
- Fixed.Samonic 13:09, 29 May 2022 (UTC)
- Category:Substances (or one of its subcategories, if applicable) can be added here. OOM 224 11:24, 29 May 2022 (UTC)
- I added the former.Samonic 13:09, 29 May 2022 (UTC)
- Is there a need to specify that the Kilji Illumine government was theocratic?
Comments[]
- No longer posting it as an objection, but just keep in mind the second paragraph in the body might be able to be simplified or split into multiple sentences. DFaceG (talk) 08:24, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
- I will keep it in mind.— Samonic 12:00, 26 May 2022 (UTC)
Approved as a Comprehensive article by EduCorps 19:51, 30 May 2022 (UTC)