- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Contents
Anti-Republic Liberation Front[]
- Nominated by: Holocron (Complain) 07:53, April 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: My first FAN. WP:NSW. Word count is around 1300.
(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)[]
Support[]
- Not bad for your first FAN. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:45, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 16:19, April 22, 2011 (UTC)
- 1358 (Talk) 09:07, May 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Kreivi Wolter 18:04, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
- See below.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, May 26, 2011, 00:10 UTC
- Kilson(Let's have a chat) 04:13, June 2, 2011 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 23:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
Object[]
Floyd:[]
The double refs are not needed. Please remove.- Done. Holocron (Complain) 07:40, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
There are some major linking issues. Each article should only be linked to once in the intro and once in the body; nothing more, nothing less.- Working on it.
- Fixed all the ones I could find. Holocron (Complain) 08:09, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
- Working on it.
There are several sections in the body ("Infiltration" being one of them) that are extremely short and need to be merged together with other sections.- Done.
In the intro, more context on the defeat of the Brotherhood of Darkness is needed; this will help provide the reader the knowledge of the time period the ARLF was active.- Done.
Intro: "the Anti-Republic Liberation Front was extremely cautious when admitting new members to their ranks" Any reason why they were so cautious?- Nothing exact is mentioned in either source.
Context needed on Darth Bane in the intro.- Done. Holocron (Complain) 08:09, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
Context needed on the Nalju family in the intro.- Done.
Intro:" After this failure, Zannah was taken to meet Hetton personally, Hetton accompanied her back to the Sith camp on the planet Ambria, where he was killed by Darth Bane." There are several things wrong with this sentence. Number 1, the Sith have not been mentioned before in the intro, so context is needed (this will probably be solved by contextifying Bane). Number 2, the flow is absolutely dreadful. Number 3, there is no context on any of this; no reasoning is given for Zannah wanting to meet Hetton, or Hetton wanting to go to the Sith camp or whatever happened.- Done, I think I may have tried to keep the introduction small at the expense of quality after seeing some complaints about large introductions earlier in the year.
- I understand—there certainly have been discussions about appropriate length of intros lately. However, do not sacrifice quality for anything. It's better to write a very high-quality and informative intro that is too long, than to write a worse intro that is of appropriate length. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:44, April 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Done, I think I may have tried to keep the introduction small at the expense of quality after seeing some complaints about large introductions earlier in the year.
Context is needed on the defeat of the Brotherhood of Darkness again in the body.- Done. Holocron (Complain) 07:40, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
Formation: Why did Hetton form the ARLF? Please clarify; if it was to cover his goal to resurrect the Sith Order, than the information in the paragraph that describes his goals should be moved.- Clarified. True was the wrong word to use, and it's been replaced. Holocron (Complain) 07:40, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
Context on the Ruusan Reformations and why they prevented the Senate from acting on behalf of the galaxy is needed.- No information on why they would prevent the Senate from [...] is given, only that they would. I think I know why they thought that, but as it wasn't said in either source I left it out. The context of the Reformations might help though.
"The structure of the group allowed each member to combine their strength, resources, and power into a single organized collective that could effectively damage the Republic." How so? Clarify.- Done. Holocron (Complain) 07:40, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
"However, even though the Anti-Republic Liberation Front uniformly despised both the Jedi and the Republic, he did not reveal his true goals to them." Why not? Clarify.- Done.
Context on Darth Bane is again needed in the body.- Done.
"Darth Zannah, apprentice to Darth Bane was tasked by her master with infiltrating the Anti-Republic Liberation Front and goading them into attacking the Republic before they were actually ready to do so." Why did Darth Bane want to do this? Did he have something against the ARLF? Clarify."To gain access to the group, she became the lover of a high-ranking Lethan Twi'lek, Kelad'den by using the name "Rainah" and told him that she was employed as an administrative assistant at the Republic embassy." The way this is worded, it seems like she became Kelad'den's lover solely because she lied to him about her name and occupation. Also, it doesn't seem necessary what Zannah's fake occupation is in the sentence's current state.The whole first paragraph of the Assassination attempt on Valorum section is one sentence. Break it up.- Done.
"Kelad'den believed that more damage would be done if they instead assassinated the former Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, Tarsus Valorum when he landed at the private spaceport of the Nalju family, who Kelad'den believed had come to Serenno to persuade the Great Houses to directly oppose separatist groups such as their own." The wording is unclear; did Kelad'den believe that Valorum came to Serenno to persuade the Great Houses to oppose separatist groups, or did he believe that the Nalju family had come to Serenno for that purpose?- Done.
Were Cyndra and Paak soldiers? If not, what were they?- Clarified. Holocron (Complain) 07:40, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
"Cyndra and Paak escaped in a landspeeder and left Kelad'den to fight the Jedi, a duel which Kelad'den lost." The way this is worded makes it seem that Cyndra and Paak left so they could fight the Jedi. Please fix.- Done.
Why did Cyndra take Zannah to Hetton? Please clarify.- Done.
How did Zannah learn that Hetton was trained in the Force? Please clarify.- Done, not too much of a change, but 'sensed' is the only word that seemed to fit.
No quotes for the Destruction or any of the Structure sections?- Found some suitable quotes.
Again, why were they so cautious regarding new members? Clarify in the body.- Not clarified in either source. Holocron (Complain) 07:40, April 4, 2011 (UTC)
- IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:50, April 3, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship[]
Preliminary objection: While I realize there is no established layout for organization articles, I think the layout of the article should be modified to resemble this article's. By doing so, we can begin to establish a precedent, at the very least.Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 20:47, April 12, 2011 (UTC)- Something like this? Holocron (Complain) 05:22, April 14, 2011 (UTC)
Looks good. However, the "Members" section should probably be placed after the History section and expanded upon, which would allow for the inclusion of more information on each member (subsections aren't necessary here; a sentence or two on each individual would be enough for me). Also, don't forget to adjust your linking when implementing this new layout.Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 20:12, April 14, 2011 (UTC)- Moved and expanded. Holocron (Complain) 04:15, April 16, 2011 (UTC)
While the layout is better now, you still need to adjust your linking before making these changes to the actual article.Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 16:15, April 16, 2011 (UTC)- Changed what I could find, and moved it to the main article. Holocron (Complain) 04:54, April 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Much better. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 16:45, April 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Changed what I could find, and moved it to the main article. Holocron (Complain) 04:54, April 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Moved and expanded. Holocron (Complain) 04:15, April 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Something like this? Holocron (Complain) 05:22, April 14, 2011 (UTC)
"After showing him her abilities by incapacitating two of his soldiers, Hetton accompanied Zannah back to the Sith camp on the planet Ambria, believing that he would help Zannah kill her master and then he would become her apprentice, but Zannah abandoned Hetton, and without her help he could not defeat Bane." - please split up this sentence somehow."At some point after the destruction of the Brotherhood of Darkness on the planet Ruusan in 1,000 BBY and before 990 BBY, Hetton, a Human male who was related to the Demici family, one of the Great Houses of Serenno, formed a group called the Anti-Republic Liberation Front and started gathering followers with skills and talents that he considered to be unique on the planet of Serenno who were not satisfied with the Galactic Republic's influence on the galaxy or its policies and wanted to actively work toward its destruction." - same as previous objection.- That's all for now. Good work. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 16:45, April 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Split them both. Holocron (Complain) 09:21, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
"After showing him her abilities by incapacitating two of his soldiers, Hetton accompanied Zannah..." - this introductory clause should be referring to Hetton, the subject of the sentence, and not Zannah. Please rephrase.- Rewritten.
Do Kelad'den's "crescent-shaped blades" have a name, or an article for that matter? If they are unique, they probably deserve their own article.Is there an article on the Carannia cantina, or Hetton's family estate? Perhaps one should be made for each if not.- All three now have stubs. Holocron (Complain) 05:29, April 22, 2011 (UTC)
- That should be all. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 18:08, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
Minority Report[]
Alphabetize the names in your infobox, and refer to Zannah by the one she used while a member of the ARLF.- Done.
Please use the correct {{CSWECite}}s.- I did... something. Not quite sure if it's correct, but it seems alright.
"Impressed by the abilities she used to incapacitate two of his soldiers..." What abilities?- Done.
As a matter of fact, you're missing a few pertinent links. Comb your article for underlinking.- Any specific problems? I didn't really see anything to link to.
Yes. " After a display of power in which she drove Cyndra insane..." Make sure subjects are linked once upon first mention in the intro and body.- Power is now linked, Cyndra was linked in an earlier paragraph. Holocron (Complain) 06:39, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
Good catch, but that wasn't quite what I was pointing at. There is a specific power Zannah used when she "drove Cyndra insane." And this was just an example. There are other missing links, and you'll need to comb through your entire article to find them all.—Tommy 9281 Monday, May 23, 2011, 09:17 UTC- I found around 5 articles to link. The specific power Zannah used is now linked as well. My linking skills aren't very good, so I'm sure I've missed more, but I don't see them. Holocron (Complain) 23:45, May 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Power is now linked, Cyndra was linked in an earlier paragraph. Holocron (Complain) 06:39, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Any specific problems? I didn't really see anything to link to.
"They argued that the Galactic Senate was incapable of acting on the behalf of the galaxy, particularly after the Ruusan Reformations, a policy that planned to reduce the millions of political sectors in the Republic to 1024, and argued that other star systems should become independent and secede from the Republic." This reads awkwardly, like the Reformation reduced the sectors but argued for other system's independence. Is this so?- Changed.
"Sith Order" is an ambiguous term. Of what specifically do you speak?- Not clarified in the novel, though it's not the Brotherhood of Darkness.
Then you can't link it there. We don't link to disambig pages.- Sorry, I didn't realise that it was a disambig page. Link removed.
- Not clarified in the novel, though it's not the Brotherhood of Darkness.
"However, even though the Anti-Republic Liberation Front uniformly despised both the Jedi and the Republic, he did not reveal his other goals to his followers, as he was wary of what their response would be." Reword this so it doesn't read like the ARLF is the "he" that "did not reveal his other goals..."- Done.
"The mission was part of a plan to destroy any groups that Bane believed had the potential to destroy the Republic before he wanted it destroyed." This isn't entirely factual; Bane's plan was much more elaborate than that and is understated in its current description. It should be reworded slightly but with full context.- This seems to have changed from the version I originally wrote. Perhaps not. Expanded.
"Shortly afterward, Zannah escorted Hetton and his Umbaran Shadow Assassins..." This is a late and very blunt introduction of the Shadow Assassins. They should be mentioned earlier.- Done. Holocron (Complain) 12:20, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
- That's all, not bad.—Tommy 9281 Saturday, May 21, 2011, 13:56 UTC
Attack of the Clone[]
Rather minor, but can the Nalju family estate get a link in both the intro and the body of the article?- Done.
I would suggest adding the group's purpose to the Description section somewhere. That's basically what the Description section is for—to describe all or most aspects of the group, the aspects that aren't part of the History. Please see what you can do.- There really isn't much available that isn't part of the history. Are you asking for a new subsection similar to the current two? If so, I don't believe there is enough information to add without repeating the rest of the article. Holocron (Complain) 15:21, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
- I actually might suggest un-subsectioning the "Description" section because it's a little too divided, but I leave that up to you. However, it's worth saying in the "Description" section that the group was formed to oppose the Republic and its policies; it won't take up too much space, and it'll ensure that everything is clarified for the reader. Yes, it's repetitive, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily unneeded. A group's purpose is central to its description. CC7567 (talk) 21:59, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
- Added, and un-subsectioned. Sorry for the delays in my responses, I'm rather busy, and don't have much time to write at the moment. Holocron (Complain) 08:37, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
- There seems to be a missing ref for the paragraph you just added, so please fix the {{Fact}} tag. Also, in the next paragraph, and again in the first paragraph of the "Assassination attempt on Valorum" section, ref [1] (Rule of Two) is used twice in succession. In both cases, is one of the duplicate refs supposed to be a different source? Or are they just accidentally placed duplicate refs? Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 07:21, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Clarified. Holocron (Complain) 15:21, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
- I actually might suggest un-subsectioning the "Description" section because it's a little too divided, but I leave that up to you. However, it's worth saying in the "Description" section that the group was formed to oppose the Republic and its policies; it won't take up too much space, and it'll ensure that everything is clarified for the reader. Yes, it's repetitive, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily unneeded. A group's purpose is central to its description. CC7567 (talk) 21:59, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
- There really isn't much available that isn't part of the history. Are you asking for a new subsection similar to the current two? If so, I don't believe there is enough information to add without repeating the rest of the article. Holocron (Complain) 15:21, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
The Destruction sub-section actually has less info than the intro on the subject of Hetton's duel with Bane—it isn't stated here that Zannah betrayed Bane. Please be more consistent with the level of detail in both places.- Added the missing information.
Specifically where in the CSWE is the ARLF mentioned? Does it have its own entry? Please use {{CSWECite}} if applicable.- I was under the impression that I already did that earlier. If that usage was incorrect, could you link to an article that does use it correctly? Holocron (Complain) 15:21, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
- Regarding the issue with linking: good linking just stems from practice, practice, practice. The best way to guarantee that everything gets linked is to check every word (specifically noun) at its first mention, and type it into the Wookieepedia searchbar to see if it has an article. If it doesn't have an article but should have one, that's also something to think about. CC7567 (talk) 04:46, May 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Alright, thanks for the advice. Around a third of the problems I have with writing here involve linking, so advice is always welcome, particularly for longer articles. Holocron (Complain) 15:21, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
Comments[]
Approved as a Featured article by Inquisitorius 23:06, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Since you indicated that you are not that adept at linking, I encourage you to pay close attention to the copy-edits that are performed on your article during it's review. In addition to the objections you receive from the community, these copy-edits will reveal for you many of the things you may have missed. Going forward, you may want to solicit prenomination copy edits prior to your formal entry. Master Jonathan, for example, is the self-appointed copy-editor for Wookieepedia, and is more than willing to assist when asked. We the Inquisitorius are also here to lend hands when needed.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, May 26, 2011, 00:10 UTC