I put a lot of work into this one; I think it's accurate, interesting, concise and complete. I would definitely welcome any criticisms or suggestions, but I definitely think it is worthy of being a featured article. — ColinmcevTalk 03:00, 1 October 2007 (UTC)
Just glanced at it, but the Personality and Traits should be at the end of the article, you know. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 04:11, 2 October 2007 (UTC)
Fixed that.--Colinmcev 18:30, 2 October 2007 (UTC)
Would be nice to have a BTS (Behind the scenes) section, covering stuff like who created the character, where he first appeared, any continuity errors, etc. Also, this would be a good place to include one of those wacky Galaxies pics. -- Ozzel 02:39, 3 October 2007 (UTC)
Added both. Thanks for the great suggestions!--Colinmcev 01:35, 3 October 2007 (UTC)
From the Thoroughly Pounded Desk of Four Dot:
There's a little bit of POV in the intro, and "He betrayed Rogue Squadron during a covert mission and attempted to kill Corran Horn, but he was shot and killed by his lover, Inyri Forge." could probably be rephrased.
I reworked it a litlte bit and removed what I thought was the POV. If there is any left, or if you think it needs further rephrasing, please let me know or feel free to tweak it.--Colinmcev 01:27, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
"Zekka Thyne served on Black Sun" - Sounds dangerous. I think he just "served Black Sun", but I think "joined the Black Sun syndicate" would be better.
I agree! Fixed that.--Colinmcev 01:28, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
Just a general observation: There are a lot of unsightly "thin" paragraphs. Of course, you can "cheat" on this one and just merge a couple of the offending paragraphs together.
This is a bad habit of mine; in real life, I'm a reporter, and in newspaper articles small paragraphs are required. lol. I tightened them up a bit, but if you still think there are paragraphs that are too thin, please point out which ones and I'll make further fixes.--Colinmcev 01:38, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
Another observation: The end of every paragraph containing In-universe information should have a relevant citation.
Fixed that.--Colinmcev 01:41, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
"eliminate single targets and slaughtering informers and even their families." - This could be worded better.
Tightened the sentence altogether, I think it's better now.--Colinmcev 01:42, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
"In 7 BBY, Fliry Vorru, then a Moff in charge of the Corellian Sector, was sent to Kessel after being framed by Prince Xizor. This allowed Xizor to establish Zekka Thyne as his chief associate in Corellia." - How so? This might need more clarification.
Take the image of the Bothan Thyne out of the bio and put it in the BtS. Also, assume that they're separate characters. I cite Chertyl Ruluwoor as a precedent.
I don't necessarily agree that the SWG Thyne should be a seperate character since both are affiliated with Black Sun and are clearly meant to be one and the same; maybe it's just me, but I think just noting the Bothan discrepency is enough. But I did move the pic.--Colinmcev 01:49, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
"Although Loor attended the meeting during which the plan was formed, he started a confrontation with Corran Horn that resulted in Fliry Vorru punching him in his abdomen injury and smashing his head against the table." - Eh? You might have gotten you characters a bit mixed up there.
Yeah, that "Loor" should be a "Thyne." Fixed it.--Colinmcev 01:50, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
The preceding sentence also starts with "Although", which doesn't flow well.
Fixed that and redid much of the sentence altogether.--Colinmcev 01:52, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
"With this, Zekka Thyne died." - Too short a sentence, but I could be wrong. You'll want to integrate it into the preceding paragraph, though.
I think the short sentence works for effect, but I agree that it is WAY too short as an individual paragraph. Merged it with the previous one.--Colinmcev 01:53, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
Mention who the other spy was in the Post-death section.
Best of luck with all that. It might take a bit of work, but I think there's some good foundation here. Thefourdotelipsis 09:36, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
If there's anything else, please don't hesitate to let me know. Thanks for the thorough look!--Colinmcev 01:56, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
OK, first things first: Don't strike other people's objections. It's frowned upon. However, you got most of them. I still have an issue with the paragraph spacing. Basically, in the first half of the article, merge every pair of paragraphs. It just looks a lot neater and, well, meatier. Thefourdotelipsis 23:27, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
I'm really sorry about that, I've never nominated an article before so I didn't really know the proper procedure. I tightened the paragraphs a bit, let me know if you think that looks better.--Colinmcev 23:21, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
That's OK, you know now. Good work with this though. It looks fine to me now. Thefourdotelipsis 04:27, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
Got some things here:
In the Appointment to Corellia section, it first says the Moff was framed by Xizor. Then it later syas it is widely believed he was framed. That sounds reptitive and contradicts the above info somewhat.
Actually, Moff Fliry Vorru was definitely framed, and accordingly that is definitively stated. But the person who is noted as "widely believed" to have been framed is the previous owner of the fortress. That isn't Vorru, it's someone else who is never identified in any of the source material. So the two references are not related, and I don't think there's an error there.--Colinmcev 01:58, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
Also, the protected fortress thing that Fourdot mentioned earlier needs fixing.
Right you are. Fixed that.--Colinmcev 01:58, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
In the Spy for Lorr section, the last paragraph needs to be ref'ed.
In Presence on Coruscant, the first paragraph needs to be rephraes as it sounds repetitive.
I agree, big time. Fixed it.--Colinmcev 02:04, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
Also, change execute to shoot.
To be honest, I don't think this change is entirely necessary, but I made it anyway.--Colinmcev 02:05, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
In the Death section, "this new" should be "this news".
Another dumb mistake. Fixed.--Colinmcev 02:05, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
In P&T, the word "Wookiee" needs to be unlinked. Also, rearrange it so it flows, going from his perosnality to his appearance than his tastes, not jumping around.
I think it already is that way; the first paragraph is personality, then we have three paragraphs of appearance, and the last one about his art taste. If this isn't acceptable, can you give me some further clarification on how it could be rearranged?--Colinmcev 02:08, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
And everything from Release from Kessel to Post-death needs sourcing.
This is the only one I really can't fix myself. I don't have Galaxies, and I've scoured the Net for info on his quests, but I can't find any. Maybe someone else can help me out here? I'd hate to see the whole article snagged just because of this...--Colinmcev 00:36, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
Intro: "Although rumored to be the heir-apparent to Xizor's criminal organization..." Rumoured by who? This needs to be mentioned later in the article and sourced.
Personality and traits: "one massive black eye that was slowly fading" is a quote from the narrative, not something in-universe. Lose the quotes and make it something like "Corran Horn thought that it gave the impression..." Green Tentacle(Talk) 19:58, 11 October 2007 (UTC)
Is it good the way it is now?--Colinmcev 00:38, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
All the data must be ref'd, not just selective bits.
Ok, didn't realize how much has to be referenced. I did that.--Colinmcev
Mention somewhere in the bio that he was born on Corellia, if this can be referenced.
It never says in either source material whether he was born there or not, so I can't really put it in.--Colinmcev 00:39, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
Than where do we get that in the infobox? If it isn't referenced, it shouldn't be in his article at all. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 00:42, 6 November 2007 (UTC)
Well, the Corellia reference in the infobox was here before I ever touched the article. Even though it's never stated that he was born in Corellia, I always just thought it would be OK there since his earliest appearance (Side Trip) have him in Corellia, and that was where he was thriving at the high point of his career and lived most of his life. But what do you think, should we take that out altogether or leave it? --Colinmcev
I'm all right with it staying, but make a note in the article or a footnote that it isn't necessarily Thyne's place of birth, but it is where he spends most of his life. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 06:11, 6 November 2007 (UTC)
I put this in the end of the first section. Thanks for the guidance.--Colinmcev 00:37, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Needs a mention of how Black Sun met its downfall.
Did that, and cited Shadow of the Empire for it.--Colinmcev 00:44, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
The last sentence of Spy for Kirtan Loor seems a little out of place. Perhaps place it after the segment about the destruction (sort of) of Black Sun.
I just dropped it altogether; I guess it wasn't really necessary.--Colinmcev 00:44, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
Oops, my mistake. I made some changes, how does it look now? --Colinmcev
"to describe close enough to a person that they could be trusted with cutting their spice"? This is unclear.
Reworded it.--Colinmcev 00:45, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
"Myda wanted to take the offer, Kassar insisted that Inyri must make her own decision, and even expressed hope that Inyri might be able to change Thyne for the better." Who the heck are are Myda and Kassar?
I double checked, but there was already a first reference to them in there.--Colinmcev 00:45, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
The first sentence of Presence on Coruscant makes no sense. When is Thyne talking to Horn? It is unclear what's happening there. All it says is that Thyne was about to be released, then next thing you know, he's psychologically attacking Horn.
Fixed this up.--Colinmcev 00:46, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
"to look back and check on Inyri"? This could be reworded and made much clearer and more interesting than it is at the moment.
"Thyne instead told him there was at least one other spy in Rogue Squadron, although Thyne did not know that Rogue Squadron pilot Erisi Dlarit was the spy." This doesn't make sense, and Rogue Squadron is over-used in the sentence.
Clarified a bit.--Colinmcev 00:46, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
In Post-death, the article makes it seem like Horn died in his confrontation with Celchu, not in the battle following it.
Is it specifically said in Side Trip that Thyne's taste in art was considered questionable by most? If not, it needs a seperate reference.
Clarified this.--Colinmcev 00:46, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
Do you have a reference for the fact that Thyne was only referenced in the parts of the story written by Stackpole (BTS)?
No, it's a fact but I don't have a source, he's just the only author to have written him. How should I handle this? Drop the fact altogether? I think it's an interesting note so it would be a shame, but if that's how it would have to go I'd be fine with it.--Colinmcev 00:47, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
I checked this in Side Trip— it's divided into four parts, which I didn't know, and Thyne is only in Stackpole's parts. It's fine. Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 00:42, 6 November 2007 (UTC)
If, as GT says, he has a specific role in Galaxies beyond a mere appearance, it does need to be mentioned.
See above. I need help with this one because I don't have SWG.--Colinmcev 00:47, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
"Thyne's personal office also contained a secret escape panel that led to a cave, where he kept secret or sensitive cargo Thyne obtained the deed to the fortress after the previous owner was sent to Kessel on spice smuggling charges". Is there supposed to be a period here or something else?
Source or remove congenitally hairless speculation.
Aside from assuming he has no Bothan genes, it looks fine. -- Ozzel 05:44, 28 November 2007 (UTC)
Could use some supporting pictures (i.e. of Kirtan Loor, or of Horn) for variety's sake. Not a hard and fast objection.
Physical appearance in the P&T section should be distributed elsewhere. Like the intro. I've (and I've discussed this with other Inqs) always understood the "traits" in Personality and Traits to be character traits, given that we have eschewed such sections in previous noms.
How did Thyne become a Vigo? Was he just appointed one as soon as he joined or are there no details? Either way, it might be worth mentioning. Also, is Thyne a Vigo? Or was he just a high-ranking Black Sun member? I ask only because we seem to know who all nine of Xizor's vigos as of SotE are, and he's not included. If he was just replaced as of that time, that too needs mentioning.
Although you already reworded it, I think, "Horn was saved when Thyne was shot to death by his lover, Inyri Forge" still needs to be reworded. As it reads now, it's hard to tell if Forge is Zekka's lover or Corran's.
Disguised as the bounty hunter Jodo Kast, Thrawn and the crew traveled to Corellia, under the guise that they were delivering unknown cargo to Borbor Crisk. In fact, Thrawn intentionally allowed his de facto partners to be captured, posing as a hired gun for Thyne. Who was Thrawn's crew? Stormtroopers? Just random mercs? This whole part needs further clarification. As it's written now I'm confused as to why letting his crew get captured would help his cause.
However, Thrawn encountered disguised CorSec investigators Corran and Hal Horn he modified his plan to allow the Horns to capture Thyne. Should this be, "However, when Thrawn..."? Either that or broken up into two sentences.
Most of Thyne's soldiers were not present at the fortress at the time of the assault because Thrawn had arranged for them to pick up the cargo. Hmm? What cargo? The blasters? I thought those were for Crisk, Thyne's nemesis?
Doole informed them that Inyri, sister of slain Rogue Squadron pilot Lujayne, was to be released along with Thyne. Forge was a prisoner as well? I thought she was just the daughter of two prison rehabilitators.
Several members of Rogue Squadron were present at the time, having been captured by Asyr Sei'lar.This might be just ignorance, but wasn't Asyr part of Rogue Squadron? Why was she capturing them? Just a minor mention could be helpful.
If "Patches" was only used as a derogatory nickname and not one that he himself used, it might be better to remove it from the infobox.
Not really an objection, but could a quote page be formed? It's always such a good supplement.
I kind of disagree with moving his odd physical traits elsewhere, but if it has to be done, it might be worth adding an "Early Life" section where you can mention his parents (their differing races that is) alongside his odd physical description.
Any chance that his Galaxies stuff is on their site? Everything else is fine. Nice job. Cull Tremayne 00:43, 28 November 2007 (UTC)
My only objections are the ones already listed here, especially if there is info in Galaxies that nobody here knows. —Xwing328(Talk) 21:59, 5 December 2007 (UTC)
I finally got to read Side Trip and I expanded the section with a whole lot of info from that. As that was the final major source for Zekka, I think this article is pretty much as complete as possible.--Colinmcev 01:35, 3 October 2007 (UTC)
Colinmcev, I uncrossed Chack's objections, because, after checking the history, I realized that he didn't cross them out, you did. For future reference, the way these things work is that you make a comment when you've addressed an objection, the objecting user looks at the article, checks to see if the objection is fixed to his/her satisfaction, and then crosses it off. If they still see a problem, they'll point it out. Thank you, and good work with the objections ;). Hobbes15(Tiger Headquarters) 02:24, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
Yeah, I'm sorry about that; as I said about, I've never nominated an article before so I didn't really know the proper procedure. I was basically crossing them off as I fixed them, but I'll make sure that doesn't happen again.--Colinmcev 23:21, 6 October 2007 (UTC)
It's fine. I'll try to look at the article later today. Chack Jadson(Talk) 10:30, 10 October 2007 (UTC)
As I noted about, I need some help with Thyne's SWG quest. I don't have Galaxies and I can't find it anywhere online. Can someone else add this info for me? I think it would be a true shame if this couldn't become featured just because this is missing.--Colinmcev 00:47, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
Would be nice if you could work in this image somewhere. Aside from the Galaxies thing, it looks good. -- Ozzel 07:54, 6 November 2007 (UTC)
I added that picture; it was good to get another pic in there! As for the Galaxies thing, I'm still stuck on that for right now. Can anyone help? I hate to see it stuck because of this...--Colinmcev 00:48, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Hey Colinmcev, try asking some people to review this for you. It's got potential, but right now doesn't have many votes. Chack Jadson(Talk) 15:33, 22 November 2007 (UTC)