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Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

Revision as of 13:23, 6 June 2008 by Mith'raw'nuruodo (talk | contribs) (→‎(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total))
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This page is for Featured article nominations. A Featured article is an article that is of complete quality and represents the best a Wookieepedia article can be. It is for fully fleshed out subjects that go beyond the limited content of Good and Comprehensive articles. On this page, users can nominate articles that they believe are ready to be reviewed to achieve Featured status.

The article-nomination process is not a way to showcase your favorite articles, but rather articles that are of high quality. Articles placed on this page will be extensively reviewed by experienced editors, including the presiding Inquisitorius review panel. The nomination process will require the article nominator to respond to objections and improve the article until the requisite number of users supports the nomination.

In undertaking a nomination on this page, the nominator is taking responsibility for their nominated article. This means they need to thoroughly read the following instructions, implement them into their nominated article, and respond to given objections. Nominators are encouraged to ask more experienced editors for guidance and assistance, but self-sufficiency is a requirement of the article-nomination process. It is not inherently the job of reviewers to rewrite elements of an article, but rather to guide nominators to be able to fix issues themselves.

Your nomination is your responsibility. Nominations that severely neglect the following rules or otherwise fall idle after two weeks will be subject to immediate removal.

READ THIS FIRST!

A Featured article must…

  1. …be well-written and comprehensively detailed.
  2. …be unbiased, with a neutral point of view.
  3. …have comprehensive Appearances and Sources lists.
  4. …be fully referenced, including all quotes and images. See Wookieepedia:Sourcing for more information.
  5. …follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
  6. …be stable during and following the review process. This means the article does not change significantly from day to day with new content and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism or other administrative edits, such as page protection.
  7. …not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
  8. …have no redlinks.
  9. …provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article is preferred but not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section or subsection.
  10. …include a "Behind the scenes" section for in-universe articles.
  11. …include a reasonable number of images of the highest quality to illustrate the article, as source availability permits.
  12. …provide an introduction that gives a good summary of the topic.
  13. …be at least 1000 words long. This word total counts the introduction, the article body, and "Behind the scenes" material, but not captions, quotes, headers, etc. For clarification, please refer to this flowchart.
  14. …be properly titled in accordance with Wookieepedia's treatment of Canon and Legends articles; i.e., no nomination may have "/Canon" in the title.
  15. …be nominated by a user who has promoted at least one article to Good article status. Exceptions can be made for a Good article nomination that, due to objections post-nomination, has gone over the Good article word limit, so long as the number of words added during the Good article nomination process is 250 or fewer.

How to nominate:

  1. Select an article you feel is worthy of Featured status. Nominated articles must meet all fifteen requirements stated above.
  2. Add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating, and save the page. Please note that if the article you are nominating has been nominated for Featured article status previously, you will need to specify the number of the nomination as a parameter (e.g. {{FAnom|second}}).
  3. Open the redlink in a new tab to create the nomination page, modifying the preloaded instructions as necessary.
  4. Copy the code provided to the bottom of this page.
  5. Purge the article to update the template.
  6. Other users will object to the nomination with issues and suggested improvements (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources, etc).
  7. The nominator should then adjust the article until the objections are satisfied. The objector is responsible for striking their objection when it has been addressed, not the nominator. Additionally, reviewers will often copy-edit the article themselves as desired to fix any issues.
  8. Following their review, other users will vote to support the nomination. Users may not vote on their own nomination.
  9. Each user (except for members of the Inquisitorius) shall be limited to four active Featured article nominations at any given time. Any additional nominations will be subject to immediate removal.
  10. Users must successfully complete one Featured article nomination before they can have two nominations active on the FAN page at one time. Likewise, users must complete two successful FA nominations before they can have three, and three successful FA nominations before they can have four.

How to review:

  1. To review an article, users should read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
  2. The article should be reviewed with the criteria listed above, and any issues should be placed under the Object section of the article's nomination page. Objections should be clearly explained, and detail how the article can be improved.
  3. Objections should then be addressed by the nominator. Once the objector is satisfied, they should strike their objection. The nominator should not strike reviewers' objections for them.
  4. Once a reviewer is satisfied with the article, they can vote to support it. Please note that in order to support a nomination, you must have 50 mainspace edits.

Result:

  1. If a nomination has been active for over two days and has no active objections, it may pass with a total of either five Inquisitorius votes, four Inquisitorius and two user votes, or three Inquisitorius and four user votes.
  2. Once the nomination is successful, the article will be considered a "Featured article." As such, an Inquisitorius member will archive the nomination using JocastaBot in Wookieepedia's Discord server and place the article on the Featured articles page. Only members of the Inquisitorius are allowed to perform these archiving tasks.
All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to immediate removal by Inquisitorius vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 2 weeks.


Template:Shortcut

LinkFA-star

The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must…

  1. …be well-written and detailed.
  2. …be unbiased, non-point of view.
  3. …be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
  4. …follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
  5. …not be the object of any ongoing edit wars.
  6. …not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
  7. …have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
  8. …have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
  9. …have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
  10. …not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
  11. …be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Wookieepedia:Sourcing for more information.
  12. …have all quotes and images sourced.
  13. …provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
  14. …include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
  15. …include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
  16. …include a reasonable number of images of good quality if said images are available.
  17. …pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
  18. …counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:

  1. First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
  2. Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
  3. Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
  4. The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
  5. Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
  6. Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

  1. Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
  2. Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
    1. If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under! Failure to do so will result in your objection being considered invalid.
  3. As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors.
  4. Once all objectors' complaints have been solved (or the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no objections after at least a week), the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article."
  5. Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Also remember to add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating.

Every Sunday the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the {{Featured}} template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the {{Featured article}} template. Nominees that are inactive for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list.


Featured article nominations

Dooku

  • Nominated by: Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Major issues listed here have been addressed.

(6 Inqs/1 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Could still transition better, but nicely done. I'm confident that other reviews will improve this prose further. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:02, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Few minor points talked about in IRC. Thefourdotelipsis 04:04, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote OK, everyone can stop editing it now. I've just checked ~530 links for disambigs and redirects and cleaned up a few dozen redundant ref tags and don't want to have to do it again! 8^Þ -- Darth Culator (Talk) 04:48, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote I've been reading this as you've been fixing objections, Yrf. Nice job, and good perseverance. Greyman@wikiajanitor(Talk) 13:34, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote I'm very pleased with the revisions and additions. I look forward to a completely fresh article out of you sometime; the sections I know to be originally written by you are quite impressive. Great work. Graestan(Talk) 04:40, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
  6. I have to say, the state that Dooku was in before was a disaster, but it has really improved. Good job to those involved in the restoration.--Lord Cutler BeckettPort Royal 16:52, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:59, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. Toprawa:
    • You've done a nice job, Yrfeloran, making some major additions to this article. Unfortunately, it's still quite a ways away from being up to FA standards. Without even reading through, I pick up on the following problems:
    • The infobox must be completely sourced, as does the succession box at the bottom of the page.
      • Done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
        • Complete sourcing includes sourcing the "Era(s)" field. I've done this for you, but please source this next time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:44, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Any quotes within the article must go at the beginning of sections, after the subhead, not in the middle of paragraphs.
      • Most of those were residual old paragraphs - done. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
    • The entire article is little more than 1-2 sentence paragraphs summarizing events. While I'm certainly not a huge prequel trilogy fan, having never read the majority of these sources, this tells me that you've done just that, quickly generalizing important topics while skipping out on juicy details. Featured Articles must be comprehensive, not only including material from all relevant sources, but also detailing that information to a great degree. An article like Dooku, for as much information is out there on him, should have dozens of paragraphs several sentences in length. It's just too thin right now. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:50, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
      • There was a formatting issue with some prior authors' styles, which I've now fixed. It now "looks better". As for actual content, there have been significant expansions and section mergings. Dooku's article over the period of the movies was probably more in-depth than recently re-FAd Grievous, for instance, even before I revamped it. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Please link this "duel" to an article. I suspect we have one. If not, please create one: "In a duel aboard the Separatist..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:04, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Last Hurrah:
    • Little context for what this contest was, please: "and he won the Twelve-and-Under Tournament at only nine years of age."
      • Added little context Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • You say the ship was attacked, but now its being sabotaged? These aren't the same thing. Clarification, please: "Suspecting Nod had also been behind the sabotage of the senator's vessel"
      • Both - explained a little better Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • A bit of context is needed here to explain why this is significant. Who is Asli Krimsan that makes her holocron notable? "and Asli Krimsan's holocron"
      • Did some adjustment. Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Please link armor to the appropriate Mandalorian armor page: "The governor took Fett's armor"
      • That's just the generic article, done Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • This is very disjointed, and not a good place to put this description. Not good to just drop this mention of his leaving the Order before it even happens: "and he sought the true story behind the Galidraan debacle after he left the Jedi Order."
    • You could probably add something explaining that Dooku's actions on Sevarcos led Palpatine to find interest in him, as the Sevarcos article tells me
      • If the Sevarcos article says that, it's full of crap. You can't make that conclusion because he's in the Palpatine persona and speaking in public.Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Again, don't just drop these description of him leaving the Order. Keep information chronologically placed: "Before he left the Order, however, he flirted with the belief"
    • I'd rather you briefly reexplain what happened "afterwards" for the reader's benefit. I've already forgotten: "knew what had happened afterwards"
      • Rephrased - but it's Jango's life story and would be a kinda long and pointless diversion Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Please reword this sentence. The "recruiting Grievous" jib is used almost verbatim in the previous sentence and becomes a bit tiresome to read again
    • Was the experiment on Grievous Palpatine's idea? Please clarify
    • "Deadly killer" is redundant. Please condense: "turning the cyborg into a deadly killer"
    • This doesn't tell me who is who, exactly. Please clarify somehow: "aiming to split the nomadic tribes of the planet from the city dwellers"
      • Clarified somehow Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
    • I linked this to "speeder," but if we have a more specific article for Dooku's speeder, please link to that: "Dooku himself fled to his secret hangar on a speeder"
    • It would probably be best to greater specify that he severed his arm at the bicep, not just his hand: "Dooku found an opening in Skywalker's defense and sliced off his hand."
      • I had arm; some Inq changed it to hand. How's forearm strike you? Yrfeloran 16:21, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • You call it a singular machine previously, but now there are plural machines? Please clarify: "The machines were captured"
    • Right around here I would like to see greater explanation that she came to him looking to be his new apprentice: "who had just silently assassinated his guide, challenging her to unleash her fighting skills on the other gladiators."
      • Did some major rephrasing Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
    • "Whole planets" doesn't necessarily sound very significant as "whole star systems" as this article claims many times that Dooku was able to persuade to his cause. Can this appropriate be reworded to read as such? "whole planets pledged themselves to the Separatist cause on the former Jedi's words alone."
    • You refer to the planet previously as "Dac." Please choose one and stick with it for consistency: "pushed the Quarren Isolation League to war on Mon Calamari."
      • This one is totally Goodwood's fault. Fixed Yrfeloran 16:21, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Did he remove the creator, or did he kill him? If he killed him, avoid the unnecessary euphemism and just say so: "Dooku had its creator removed."
    • In the "Jedi treason" section, you've got 5 paragraphs in a row beginning "Dooku, Vos, Dooku, Dooku, Dooku." Please reword some of these to avoid the repetition
    • You just began the previous subsection with virtually this exact wording. Please reword to avoid repetition: "During the Clone Wars, Dooku posted a bounty"
      • Done Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
        • I think I may have directed you to the wrong sentence here. I believe I meant these two, specifically. Please reword one: "Some time during the early part of the Clone Wars" and "During the first few months of the Clone Wars"
    • Can we link this to anything specifically, or otherwise create a specific red link? "a small shell"
      • It's explicitly generic. Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Likewise, can we link Dooku's shuttle to anything specific? "Entering his shuttle with Grievous"
    • I feel like we're missing some information in here, the scene from the Clone Wars cartoon shown in the picture of Dooku and Grievous dueling
      • The sparring session was mentioned, but I think some other Inq untangled the prose but confused the plot in the process. I've edited. Yrfeloran 04:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Please think of a more creative section title than "Endgame"
      • Merged section Yrfeloran 04:08, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Forgive me if I missed it, but unless there is something in this article mentioning a previous attempt to turn Kenobi to the dark side, this needs a little context explaining the history of this: "Dooku requested that Kenobi be given one more chance to turn to the dark side"
    • Ok, I've noticed this over the course of the article. You randomly alternate between using the s' and s's apostrophe forms. I don't care which you use, but choose one and stick with it for consistency. Please remedy all alternating instances.
      • It's not random. It's standard English, and consistent with Wikipedia's manual of style via our manual of style. "the Mandalorians' whatever" in the same article as "Vos's whatever" may annoy you, but plurals are treated differently than singular nouns. Yrfeloran 17:37, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
        • I think he may be referring to singular forms, and a variance in how they are treated. At any rate, the apostrophe followed by the second "s" is what we go with on the site, per Forum:CT Archive/Punctuation and subsequent precedent in enforcing the result. Graestan(Talk) 01:54, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
          • There are a total of two instances in the entire article: "Mandalorians'" and "Geonosians'". Both are correct in context. Yrfeloran 05:10, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
            • I was indeed referring to singular possessive, like Sidious' vs Sidious's. At any rate, you're clean. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:59, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Likewise, you alternate between capitalizing and not capitalizing "Master" throughout. Please choose one and fix all instances.
      • Capitalized everywhere it was appropriate Yrfeloran 17:37, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Also, you link to individuals in your quote attribution lines, and that's fine, but make sure you don't link to someone in a quote far down in the article, and not link to him in the first quote he appears in. Link on first quote, and no more
    • After some condensing, the three images in the "Equipment" section are now squished together and don't look good. Please reposition appropriately
      • I've re-expanded that section Yrfeloran 02:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
        • Things are still squished together. Specifically, the quote of the "Starships" section gets cut off by the image. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:22, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
          • Eh....aesthetically I personally don't mind what it was like before, but compressed/expanded a little more. There's an important reason for that picture to be there : it's useful to have a link to the ship in the section about it, but it's linked earlier so this is a workaround. Yrfeloran 05:10, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Please link this "Gameboy" to a specific game system article: "A major continuity difficulty was caused by the events of the Gameboy game"
    • Please use our nifty Insider template thing for your "The Unseen Planets of Episode II" source and any other Insider sources
    • Please order your Databank appearances in alphabetical order by character last names, not first, in accordance with our other FAs
    • In accordance with our apparently soon-to-be-passed CT, please kill the redlink in your References. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. LtNOWIS
  4. From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
    • Needs a longer and more comprehensive intro.
      • Intro has been expanded somewhat. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
    • I won't get specific, but it's way too light on detail. Most of the article is just short paragraph, then a new section.
    • This can be brought to FA, but it will take a lot of time and commitment. If you can do it, I commend you. Chack Jadson (Talk) 11:30, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
  5. More stuff from me:
    • Both Sith Apprentice and Leaving the Order have paragrpahs that are no more than one or two sentences. Combine sentences in those sections or expand them.
      • Combination and expansion done Yrfeloran 06:34, 26 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Combine the sections Jedi confrontation and successful escape.
    • You link way too much. Link onc ein the intro and then once in the body.
      • This was kind of inevitable, since the original article was overlinked and additions were made piecemeal. I think I've pruned about all of them Yrfeloran 02:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
    • De-link the quote in Endgame.
    • Remove the sentence about Quinlan Vos in the Legacy section.
    • I am very impressed with what you've done so far. Keep up the good work. Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:48, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
  6. From the legal pad scrawling of Atarumaster88
    • Lot of short paragraphs need fleshed out or combined with others.
      • I've done a fair bit of this. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
    • I'd say remove some of the shorter sections by combining them with others also.
      • And a lot of section combining Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Compare your appearances/sources list to the reference list. A quick check reveals no information from the following:
      • Star Wars: Battlefront
      • Some of those HoloNet news.
      • Boba Fett: Crossfire
      • Republic 49.
      • Legacy of the Jedi
      • And I'm sure there are more.
        • Most of those were actually there - Legacy was ref'd 8 times, Crossfire and 49 were there but cited as Fight to Survive and 50. I did some expansion on the HNN stuff and added Battlefront. Yrfeloran 03:00, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Needs a non-canon appearance section. (Ugh)
      • I'm probably going to need help with this one. I've got the bare bones of one up. Yrfeloran 04:18, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
        • I see most of them done. Is there additional information in the LEGO video games that's not there yet? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:22, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
          • I've asked - apparently not Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Properly reference all Clone Wars cartoon series references by chapter.
      • Done for all IU refs Yrfeloran 03:35, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
    • It's a lot better than it was, but still will need work, as others have already said. Feel free to drop by WP:NEGTC for additional help, though, or my talk page. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 23:27, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
  7. From the full-fledged desk of Atarumaster88
    • Dooku's role in Jedi:Shaak Ti could use mention.
      • OK, it's got a mention Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Same thing with Republic 54.
      • Somebody who's read this in the past year definitely needs to double-check, but added. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm not seeing any information from the Shadowfeed.
      • Added Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
        • <There are three or four Shadowfeed appearances in the appearance list, but only 1 reference that I saw. Did you get them all?
          • There's one trivial one, and the fragment of a Fete day address that doesn't have much content besides "we're awesome, Republic sucks" Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Mention Dooku's role in the Battle of Jabiim.
      • mentioned Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Check also Republic 59, 60, and 61. I forget whether those have key mentions.
      • They don't, but I added 64 Yrfeloran 00:58, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Yoda's lesson to Dooku in EGTTF might be good P&T material.
      • I was thinking about doing that, but it's hard to wedge it in. He's like 7, too. Yrfeloran 04:05, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
        • Added an oblique mention in Childhood Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Your EGTTF refs, at least, are all off and are seemingly removing content from the article.There's a sentence or two missing from his tutelage under Cerulian. When you reference, your first reference to a source should like like <ref name="EGTTF">''[[Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force]]''</ref>, but your subsequent references should only include <ref name="EGTTF"/> to avoid errors. And also, the field of <ref name="BLAH">, the blah part is just a placeholder and so you can abbreviate to shorten the code, just keep it understandable.
      • The Thame stuff was due to a different malformed reference that I fixed. I'll trim some of these as I come across them, but with the amount of paragraph merging/etc. going around it is really useful as an editor in this particular situation to have more than one ref linked. Also "blah" should be full source name per Layout Guide, which I agree with. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
        • Heh, I stand corrected. Though the use of abbreviated referencing is sorta common. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
          • Yeah, there's some legacy ones on the Dooku page, but on an article this size when you're editing a section at a time it's a -massive- pain to look up what the page's nickname of the source you want is. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • All your references have the same error, it appears.
    • " Though Dooku's behavior and beliefs as a Jedi had previously been within the scope of Jedi orthodoxy,[1] there is evidence that in the period before he left the Order he flirted with the belief that the dark side of the Force could be called upon without personal corruption.[17]." This sentence is OOU and should be rewritten to conform with the MoS. At the very least, the tense is wrong.
      • Fixed I guess. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Lot of short sentences in the last paragraph of "Leaving the Order".
      • Made some a little longer? Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • Need context on Palpatine. His double identity as Darth Sidious is not discussed, and the casual reader may not be awareof that.
      • Added this. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • OOU/tense issues with this: "It is suspected that Dooku himself did this, but it is unclear how he accomplished it." also. Recall that EGTTF is an IU publication, if that helps.
    • Jumps back and forth about his Sith status. He's supposed to be a Sith Lord in "Sith apprentice" but his Sith training is still ongoing during the Bando Gora episode. Clarify please.
      • Noncontradictory. One becomes an apprentice first, then learns Sith stuff. See Vader. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
        • You have him listed as a "fully-fledged Sith Lord", not as a Sith apprentice, and then went on to later discuss his training.
          • OK, removed the adjective Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • 2nd paragraph of "Moving the pieces" could use a more varied sentence syntax.
      • fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • "To the surprise of both parties, Dooku himself was present". Present where? Needs more context.
      • Added context Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • More context needed on initial mention of Vos and Secura.
      • Added a little bit here. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • More context needed on Ansion's alliances and Dooku's manipulations there.
    • "The Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi then traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there, and also discovered the clone army that Dooku had once ordered. This army was now fully grown and ready for action." Condense this, but give some more context in general on Episode II. The Jedi rescue force in particular.
      • OK, did a little more context.
    • Be specific about some Episode II details. List the factions involved in the CIS. List the creatures in the arena.
      • Done, though the CIS stuff inevitably comes across as a little listy.
    • In general, it is not advisable to use the first names of characters. A few exceptions might include major characters, but not, say, Zam Wesell.
    • More detail on arena battle and Dooku's role in it.
      • Uh, OK, added that he watched from the balcony :P Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • 2nd para of "The clones attack" is all short sentences.
      • fiddled with Yrfeloran 02:43, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
    • "spectacular duel" is POV.
    • Sev'rance Tann's role in Dooku's escape from Geonosis, as well as the Dark Acolytes blocking Windu in their tanks should be mentioned.
      • Like Padme falling out of the gunship, I don't think this is really directly relevant to Dooku's article. Yrfeloran 01:26, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
        • I'll accept the explanation on the tanks, but I think Sev'rance Tann's role as the chief commander of the droid armies could use some explanation, and that ties in well with her role in helping Dooku escape. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
          • I added a little more context with Tann in the proper section. Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • You're about halfway to my ending catchphrase, but I think there's plenty here for now. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
  8. "Even as the Separatist movement grew and coalesced around Dooku as a leader, the Jedi Council did not believe he could be behind the violence.[24] although he". I think your reference is eating some of your text here.
    • 3 short paragraphs in "A new ally" could use merging.
      • I did a little bit of addition, but I think merging those paragraphs would hurt more than it'd help Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • More context needed on "Sidious said that it did not matter either way.".
    • This is related to above, but Tann's role and actions are never explained properly in relation to Dooku.
      • Tried to address this Yrfeloran 00:49, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Again, check your linking. A lot of things are overlinked, but don't worry too much about it; that can be corrected automatically.
    • The first name thing is fine with say, Anakin and Obi-Wan as long as it's not overrused, but certainly not with minor characters. Nothing you haven't seen before. ;-)
    • Just a general suggestion: Try reading the article aloud to see how it flows. Parts of it don't read that well, and a few small tweaks would fix those.
    • The section title "Miscellaneous villainy" needs reworded. Dare I say it doesn't sound encyclopediac?
      • Unencyclopediac...but -so- true. OK, reworded. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • These two don't flow well together: "Droids planted charges on the planet and prepared for detonation. The Separatist-allied inhabitents of Viidaav would have also been killed."
      • Reworded whole section Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "Miscellaneous villainy" has a large number of short paragraphs and the content is disjointed. Let the prose flow within you.
      • It's hard. Mostly random CWA stuff. Gave it a shot Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Short paragraphs in meeting on Vjun.
      • Did some work there. Yrfeloran 03:14, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "She had previously been defeated and humiliated by Anakin Skywalker on Coruscant.[61] However, a Republic fleet arrived before the process was completed." These two have no tie-in, and don't flow well together either.
      • Added more context Yrfeloran 01:53, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Last paragraph on Saleucami needs more context, or give background on the battle more towards the beginning. Either way.
    • "Sidious also ordered Grievous to attack Coruscant and simultaneously to the Separatist assault on Tythe." Clarify this sentence.
    • "General Grievous was unaware that his hapless captive was also the feared mastermind behind the Confederation. Dooku arrived on the Invisible Hand and took charge of the prisoner." These two sentences don't flow well together.
      • Tried to segue better Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Link the Invisible Hand.
      • It was linked in the first mention Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Link to the saber forms and even provide some context on them if you feel it would be good.
      • I'd prefer not to, having just rescued the article from an unhealthy obsession with Makashi. I have some in the lightsaber training section, but it needs to stay out of the ROTS fight or else it will morph into "Ataru beat Makashi" instead of "Anakin beat Dooku". Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "In a burst of power, Anakin overpowered Dooku". The power of the sentence is a mite overwhelming.
      • did some rewording Yrfeloran 04:54, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Remove the section header "Revelation". It's unnecessary and interrupts the events on Invisible Hand
      • OK....I did this, but I'm not sure I'm happy with it. Lose "Kill him now" quote, for one. Yrfeloran 05:34, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Redlinks. Waaaay too many.
      • Down to three now Yrfeloran 04:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Keep working on it. Chances are that this'll go through a couple more reviews, but don't give up; this has potential. Have a Super Terrific Friendly-Unfrustrating Day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:11, 29 March 2008 (UTC)
  9. From the squalid cublicle of Graestan (Part One):
    • Abbreviating the ref names would be most helpful in an article of such scope.
      • I abbreviated prime offender Essential Guide to the Force, but most everything else is linked only a few times. Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
    • More thorough and consistent linking is desired.
    • POV-ish statements abound. "Legendary" and "vastly overmatched" in particular. I suggest going over the article, seeking out anything that isn't inherently neutral or makes value judgments not specifically established by canon.
    • It's pretty thoroughly established precedent in featured articles that aside from a few whole-name mentions, last names are to be used except in instances of multiple individuals mentioned in the article having the same last name. Please look through and change accordingly; I've already done a bit of Jinning Qui-Gons.
      • FWIW, for main characters, IMO, such as Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, etc. it's permissible to use first names provided it's not overly done. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
        • Who says? You? I had a round-and-round debate with about ten users that told me otherwise a few months ago. I'm sticking with their consensus that I wasn't a part of. Graestan(Talk) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
          • Heh, well, I'd talked to Greyman and Toprawa about it for Wormhead, and they said that using "Luke" instead of constantly stating "Skywalker" was okay. Perhaps we should come to a better understanding on this issue at the next Inq meeting. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:46, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "Building from this foundation" doesn't really sit well with me.
      • I've rephrased this whole section Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Calling Cerulian a historian and then stating that his interests were in history is a bit redundant.
      • See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "Historically knowledgeable and politically apt" implies that he had a history of being knowledgeable and was apt for political reasons. Please rephrase; a shame, that was a pretty one.
      • See above Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "Dooku and Qui-Gon were forced to surrender to the pirates when Colicoid Eradicator droids threatened the factory's child workers, and were injected with toxins that paralyzed them and rendered them unconscious." – Clarify who has what done. Also, give a little explanation of motivations.
      • The scene itself is a little confusing - it's unclear who they surrendered too, and it's unclear who injected the, I did some cleanup Yrfeloran 22:16, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
    • More later. Thanks for your time. Graestan(Talk) 17:53, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
  10. From the squalid cubicle of Graestan (Part Two):
    • "one of the only ones" – Yuck; reword, please.
      • Reworded this Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Vosa was his second Padawan, not a second Padawan, which would be a no-no. Please revise.
      • Cleaned up, though I daresay you could have fixed it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:24, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
        • Actually, was asking for clarity. She could have been a second without my knowing it. Graestan(Talk) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "This was in a way the truth" steps a bit too far out of the universe for comfort.
    • Explain that the Death Watch are Mandalorians.
    • The transition from Galidraan to Baltizaar, then back to Galidraan is a bit rough. Can this be rearranged?
      • Slightly tweaked Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
    • No setup for Maul?
    • Was his bust in the Archives before or after he left? Please clarify.
      • Clarified Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
    • It is stated twice that Dooku retired to Serenno and so forth.
      • I think someone fixed this - it looks okay to me. Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
    • An explanation for Sifo-Dyas's order with the Kaminoans is required. Why, who it was for, etc.
      • There's...not much I can do with this. Sifo-Dyas's motivations are still entirely unclear. It's a fuzzy, confused area of canon that makes very little plot sense. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
        • Not even that it was speculated that he foresaw some need, and that the order was for the Republic? Graestan(Talk) 03:43, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
          • It's unsettled enough that it's speculation still, and it's not out of the question that he was working for Sidious somehow. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
            • I could swear that I read somewhere about what I laid out—Sifo-Dyas's foresight. Is it possible some source material should be checked? And at the very least, that he placed the order in the name of the Republic should be stated. Graestan(Talk) 16:12, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
              • Okay, I did some tweaking Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
    • No mention of the Dagobah system's deletion?
      • Sure, threw it in. Yrfeloran 04:37, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Establish what the Deep Core is.
    • Okay, I demand either an Equipment section or at least a longer mention of the solar sailer in the bio. Also, Geonosian sailing vessels? Are we talking in space, or on Geonosis's as-yet-unseen seas?
      • Added some stuff Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
    • "ex-Mandalorians" – This can't be worded right. Aren't they Mandalorian by culture, not so much affiliation?
      • Fixed Yrfeloran 03:42, 15 April 2008 (UTC)
        • For what it's worth, I think the term "ex-Mandalorian" is used in Legacy: Noob. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
    • No setup for Nat Secura.
    • "of the … of the" in the next paragraph reads awkwardly.
    • "While gathering support for secession from the Republic" – This has literally no context whatsoever.
    • It should be explained why Sidious was interested in Sheelal.
    • What personal grievance against the Huks? This reads something like a teaser; please go into some detail.
      • This wasn't really critical, so I removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
    • No mention of when and why Grievous took up his name.
      • I had this wrong and removed it Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Honestly, I'd rewrite the Grievous section. It needs to read a bit more like a story.
      • Grievous section rewritten Yrfeloran 03:08, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
    • More later. Graestan(Talk) 02:18, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
  11. From the Family-sized Pasta Bowl of Fiolli:
    • I've made a good way through the article, fixing up some things doing a first-run copyedit. Here are some other thoughts within the Biography section, divided by subsection…
    • Childhood:
      • "However, Lorian Nod was jealous of Dooku being chosen as a Padawan before him, and stole a Sith holocron from the quarters of Thame Cerulian." By linking these sentences you are saying that there is a connection between Nod's jealousy and him stealing the holocron. If this is the case, state what the connection is. Otherwise, sever the sentences.
        • It's Jude Watson logic. I did some more expansion there. Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Nothing precedes the next sentence stating that Nod was caught. If added as an introductory clause, you will have to restructure this sentence.
        • Expanded stuff Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Did Nod and Dooku become bitter enemies before or after they went before the council? Something seems out of order here; though, this may be cleared up if it is stated that (and how, if possible) Nod was caught.
        • see above Yrfeloran 03:29, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
      • "His teacher sat on the Jedi Council, and was a keen historian, even inquiring into the history of the Sith." I'm not quite sure why this sentence is here or its overall relevance. It could simply be stated above that Cerulian sat on the Council by working it into his initial introduction, unless he was not seated on it by that time. Does the fact that Cerulian inquired into the Sith play a role for Dooku somehow? If not, I would strongly advise that this not be included.
        • Did some tweaking Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
      • I suggest combining the last two paragraphs into one, with the first beginning "Even under the tutelage of Cerulian, Master Yoda…" Then, the current location of this similar clause would become "With the combined influences of his Master and others, Dooku became…"
    • Knight and Master:
      • Link to Lorian Nod's headquarters.
        • I ended up doing this, as well. Be aware that it creates a red link, but having an article for this would be necessary eventually. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
          • I know I mentioned this to you on IRC, but the place is so completely undescribed and unnotable that I don't think an article on it would serve any purpose. Yrfeloran 18:56, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
            • It may not seem like it is necessary, but it I prefer completeness on behalf of the encyclopedia.
      • "Dooku acted as a teacher to Jinn, not a friend, and the two drifted apart in later years." Later years implies that they drifted as they both got 'old and gray.' I remember reading that they gradually drifted apart over the years but that it began almost immediately after Jinn was knighted. If I am correct in remembering this, you might want to reword this sentence.
      • "The Council soon agreed that his skills made him well suited for such field work." Soon? I don't follow; don't think this word belongs in there.
        • Cut soon Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Galidraan:
      • The subsection title isn't all that descriptive and doesn't really encompass all that is covered in this subsection. I would encourage a change, though others might not see the need to do so.
        • I'd kind of prefer to keep it - Galidraan's a very critical event in Dooku's character arc. Yrfeloran 04:17, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
          • Fair enough.
      • Komari Vosa isn't mentioned until the Galidraan subsection, but I believe should be mentioned in the subsection prior. Possibly, you could simply include it right after the "Old Guard" sentence. Unless, of course, Vosa was taken as a Padawan when the uprising began. Any other information you can add on Vosa and Dooku's reaction/thoughts toward/reasons for taking/etc. would be very useful in the relocated area.
        • Motivations? I wish. We don't even have a real motivation for him becoming a Sith Lord :P. Moved Vosa. Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
      • "This was partially true, as he had hired Jango Fett and his followers, the True Mandalorians, to eliminate his own enemies, and was now working with Fett's enemy Vizsla and the Mandalorian splinter faction known as the Death Watch to destroy Fett and his faction." Very heavily this reads. This should be broken up into two, possibly three sentences.
        • I expanded this Yrfeloran 04:11, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
      • "Dooku submitted a protest to the Jedi Council after Baltizaar, arguing that the Council was wasting Jedi lives for political reasons." Expand.
    • Leaving the Order:
      • "He was the last former Jedi Master to be counted among the Lost Twenty, and a bronzium bust of him was created to join the other sculptures of the Lost in the Jedi Archives." So, he was already one of the "Lost Twenty" before he left the Order? Reword and clarify.
        • I did a little expansion here Yrfeloran 05:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Sith apprentice:
      • "Shortly after Dooku left the Order, Master Sifo-Dyas ordered a clone army in secret from the planet Kamino." There is a syntax error somewhere in there that makes the "in secret" part not work. Which are you considering secret or secretive?
      • "Information about secret Jedi hyperspace routes through the Deep Core region in the center of the galaxy were also stolen." Stolen or erased? Double check this. If you can confirm this as stolen, do not use "also" as it implies that these things had the same done to them. Rather, use "In addition", or "Additionally," at the head of the sentence.
    • Moving the pieces
      • "On a mission to the planet Geonosis, on Sidious's behalf, he impressed Archduke Poggle the Lesser with his knowledge of ancient Geonosian atmospheric sailing vessels and was presented with a Punworcca 116-class interstellar sloop." You should separate the ship presentation from the rest of the sentence.
      • "Dooku's Sith training was soon interrupted by Sidious with an urgent matter." Earlier in the last section it is mentioned that Dooku was under instruction of Sidious, but this is an overt statement about training. What training? It is not clearly mentioned earlier and should be if he was in fact "training" in the ways of the dark side of the Force. Expand.
        • Sidious mentions he's interrupting Dooku's training in Bounty Hunter, but we never directly see the training itself, though Dooku very vaguely refers to it in Labyrinth of Evil Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
      • "Dooku had previously encountered Vosa in her new identity and allowed her to live as an experiment, but now Sidious commanded her death." If she was seen or encountered earlier, she should probably be mentioned earlier. Expand.
        • Heh! More events only known about from Bounty Hunter dialogue. Very vague paraphrase from memory: Sidious:"You didn't kill her the last time you met. Why?" Dooku: *shifty* "An experiment." Sidious: "The experiment has failed. I want her dead." No more details than that. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
          • I'd reword the sentence then to say something along the lines of "Even though Dooku did not divulge his reasoning, he kept Vosa alive as an 'experiment'." (Single quotes would become double quotes in the text. In this instance, something to this effect covers all the bases – tweaks in wording give the reader the knowledge that nothing more can be found on this topic. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:21, 21 April 2008 (UTC)
            • I did some rephrasing Yrfeloran 04:25, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
    • A pair of miscellaneous thoughts:
      • Yes, this is only the first part, but do not be discouraged. Many, many authors have had their hands in the text since it has been created and you are doing a nice job ironing it out as best as possible. I commend you for this.
      • If you cite something at the end of a compound sentence, it is etiquette to make certain that both parts of the sentence are from that source. If not, cite the other source after the comma and before the conjunction. If the sentence isn't compound, try to avoid mid-sentence citations unless you are listing things out.
    • Keep up the good work and I'll be back with more later. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:12, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
  12. Seconds from Fiolli's Pasta Bowl:
    • Moving the pieces:
      • Not really an objection, but this needs to be at least addressed. Poggle the Lesser is mentioned in the Grievous section as being a part of Dooku's group to recruit the general. Was this an extension of their prior relationship and was this relationship what helped to prompt Geonosis to secede from the Republic?
        • Poggle's actually Sidious's minion...i added a mention that he was Dooku's ally. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Creating Grievous:
      • "They planted an ion bomb was on Grievous's shuttle Martyr." Huh?
        • Did a little more expanding here Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
      • "Dooku personally trained Grievous in lightsaber combat, turning the cyborg became a deadly killer of Jedi." The last half of this reads funny. I think I know what you are trying to say, but it is awkward.
        • Oh, this was an error. Changed Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Birth of Seperatists:
      • "Separatist sentiment soon spread, and on some planets turned into armed resistance against the Republic." Syntactic error.
      • "Dooku's next move was to try and bring the planet Ansion into the future Confederacy." The Confederacy doesn't exist yet. You're still talking about the birth of a movement, refer to the Separatist movement instead.
        • Changed this. Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
      • "Shu Mai had also handled a small rebellion among the secret supporters of secession in the Commerce Guild." Handled doesn't seem to work. I'm not sure what this sentence really means.
        • Changed to 'dealt with' Yrfeloran 00:25, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
      • "Industrialist Tam Uliss wished to step up their plans and go public despite Ansion's failure to secede. Shu Mai informed Dooku that she had given this faction an object lesson by killing Tam Uliss in a staged accident. Dooku was pleased, telling Shu Mai that their plans were nearing completion." What plans? Secession? The same plans as Dooku?
        • Frequently referred to but never quite explained Republic-destroying plans. Tweaked. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
        • As with Sidious, nobody actually sees the plan. They're just assured everything is going according to it. ;) Tweaked.Yrfeloran 22:08, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
          • Clear up "go public" then. The plans I was referring to are Mai's plans.
            • Seriously, I've reread The Approaching Storm, and this is the best I can do. Mai and the Corporate Alliance's thwarted plans of what they'll do if Ansion secedes are also really really vague Republic-destroying plans that aren't explained Yrfeloran 02:16, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
              • Sorry to keep dragging this out, but "Republic-destroying" is much more specific than what is in the text at the moment and adding that would more than suffice. Also, what do you mean by "go public"? Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Conspiracy revealed:
      • "Kenobi found Jango Fett there, as well as the clone army that Dooku had once ordered." It is stated above (in the text) that Sifo-Dyas ordered the army, but Dooku paid for it. Please fix.
      • "Dooku then told Obi-Wan that Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord, had control over the Senate. and made one last appeal for Obi-Wan to defect, saying that together they could destroy the Sith." Do you want this separated into two sentences or as one? I like the idea of two, personally.
        • Oh, that was sloppy of me. Fixed Yrfeloran 01:12, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I am going to have to stop here for now. I apologize that this is taking so long. Things are looking much better, Yrf. Congrats. I'll be back with more later. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
  13. Now onward to the Fiolli's Special Antipasto
    • Arena bloodbath:
      • "He did not, however, as it was not the Jedi way." Some might disagree, but unless this is stated in the text explicitly, I think this violates NPoV and should not be included.
    • Jedi confrontation:
      • "Leaping into action, the two engaged in a spectacular duel." Check PoV. Tone down "spectacular" to something like "fierce."
    • Early conflicts:
      • "Encountering one another in the cargo bay of Dooku's ship for the second time, Dooku stated his curiosity about the Force Harvester's effects on a Jedi." Wording suggests that this the second time in the ship's cargo bay rather than the second time over all.
      • "He used the Harvester on Aargonar, Bakura and Mon Calamari before retreating to Thule to prepare the rest of the Dark Reaper for use." Do we know any of the effects the usage had on these places?
        • I think I've addressed this. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
          • Where? I don't see it. If it is addressed, it should be where the usage of the Harvester is first mentioned. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
            • I added something about life-force draining. Long term impact - well, we don't know, but it obviously wasn't too bad.
      • "Dooku's plan for the Dark Reaper was finally thwarted when the Jedi attacked Thule. He unleashed the Force Harvester on the Republic's forces, but Anakin Skywalker destroyed it in the battle, having learned from a hologram of the ancient Jedi Ulic Qel-Droma how to resist the effects of the Sith weapon. With the Force Harvester gone, and Prax also slain by Skywalker shortly before, Dooku fled the field." Nice flow to this, the first sentence is good. Yet, I would prefer that Prax's death be listed before the destruction of the Reaper since it happened first; try to keep these things chronological unless it is revealed that way in the text.
        • Changed it. Yrfeloran 07:44, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
      • "Following the death of Sev'rance Tann, his favored general, Dooku needed to find someone to replace her as the commander of his armies. Dooku had three choices: Asajj Ventress, Durge, and Grievous." This introduction seems orphaned. While I think I know what you are referring to, much has been described since the death of Tann. The top of "A new ally" strongly suggests that Ventress had already replaced Tann. Clarify. This is going to take some work and possibly a partial rewrite of this section.
    • Good luck. More later. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 05:15, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
  14. Some grass clippings:
    • Overlinking really needs to be addressed. Perhaps you could request Darth Culator to run the Auto Wiki Browser over the article. Otherwise, the time-tested CTRL+F method serves me well, and I suggest it.
      • He did. Then someone added more redundant links. I think I've trimmed most of them.Yrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Aside from the templates, the Tales information in "Birth of the Separatist movement" reads completely out of place in relation to the surrounding text. Please tweak, especially, the first clause of the Tales section.
    • "traced Jango back to his home on the planet Kamino. Kenobi found Jango Fett there" – This is redundant.
      • Did some adjustments. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Are we going to capitalize Senator in every instance or not? It isn't only being used capitalized as a title in the article, as it stands. Please decide; perhaps the Manual of Style could shed light.
    • Most of the images in the article are sized quite a bit too small. Please make most of them at least 25% larger.
      • Cool beans; my eyes no longer hurt. Graestan(Talk) 12:26, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
    • First and last name usage, if we're going to fight over which is to be used, needs to at least be consistent. Please, I implore you, switch over to the commonly accepted practice of full-name usage for first mentions, followed by last names only except where last names are shared. It would really make the article seem more professional.
      • I think I've cleaned up the article nowYrfeloran 00:58, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
    • On the subject of consistency, have you gone through and rewritten whatever doesn't line up with your style of writing? The sections still seem disjointed. For instance, "Birth of the Separatist movement" is quite masterfully written in relation to "A conspiracy revealed." Please let me know what's been done so far.
      • I've done a little rewriting all around Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
    • "Lightsabers" section should be expanded to "Equipment" section describing his garb, his ship, and a subsection on the lightsabers.
      • Done. Yrfeloran 02:16, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
        • Excellent job on that. I really am impressed. Graestan(Talk) 04:40, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
    • The addition of external links would be an excellent move for such a popular topic. Please add Databank entries and anything official, especially if Chris Lee interviews or similar material is out on the internet to be had.
      • Excellent job on that; I am very pleased. Graestan(Talk) 12:20, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Graestan(Talk) 04:14, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
  15. Can we get a little addition to the Biography? In the Essential Guide to the Force there is a vignette on page 68 of an encounter between Dooku and Yoda when Dooku is seven. QuentinGeorge 08:55, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
    • It's already obliquely mentioned. It's kind of...not that notable, though. It's a day in the life of Youngling Dooku. I've added another mention in P&T - it's much more of a P&T event than a biography one. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
  16. Time for the Spumoni, Fiolli-style:
    • First things, first: Please clarify the blood transfusion. "In addition, Sifo-Dyas's blood was transfused into Grievous during his reconstruction as an experiment in midi-chlorian transplantation." It needs to be stated that Force adeptness does not transfer. See the midi-chlorian article, which Lord Hydronium has brought up to par very, very nicely.
    • Last sentence of 1.5.2: "…and drove one more dark side wedge into his soul." Not NPoV. Please change.
    • 1.6: "Few of Dooku's students survived him. Dooku's acolyte and student Asajj Ventress may have escaped Darth Vader and the Jedi Purge, since Palpatine's clone still believed she had died at Boz Pity well after the Battle of Endor." Expand. If only a few survived him, which ones? Why the speculation on Asajj Ventress; is there something to strongly indicate she survived or is this speculation/OR ?
      • Dooku has a bunch of misc force-sensitive goons, and we don't know what happened to a couple of them. And (as you quoted), Clone Palpatine IU thinks Asajj died at Boz Pity, which indicates she wasn't purged. Though that's subject to canon having a better idea later, of course. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
    • 3.2: Him taming a Krayt dragon is mentioned and cited. This is very notable and should be included in the appropriate spot of the biography.
      • Uh, well, it's a very -random- greater Krayt dragon. It shows up in an undated flashback to the Clone Wars on an unknown planet where Dooku has a miscellaneous lair. Dooku is teaching Vos to mind control animals. Context for how Dooku got it off Tatooine, or if it was already there when he took over wherever the place was, etc. is entirely missing. Yrfeloran 02:08, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Numbered subsection 11 and 12 (above) still each have an objection outstanding.
    • I know I skipped around for this one, but I am bypassing the Clone Wars section for now—as far as being in-depth is concerned— and it may be revisited later. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 01:20, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
  17. Image objections:
    • Image:Count Dooku headshot gaze.jpg is fairly low quality.
      • Eh...it looks fine in the context of the article, so I don't really see the issue.Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Image:Dooku-Yoda Early Life.JPG is horribly scanned.
      • Ozzel did a new scan, but the source material was done on cheap paper, etc.Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Image:Dooku Open Seasons.jpg is distorted.
      • It looks pretty close to my copy, and I can't find anyone to rescan it.Yrfeloran 06:38, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Image:Mastersdookuandsifo.jpg is low-res and distorted. Surely this can be re-scanned.
      • I can't find anyone to rescan it - I uploaded it, but that was a crop from another image. Yrfeloran 06:38, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Remove either Image:First Dooku lightsaber.jpg or Image:DookuSaber-MR.jpg from the "Lightsabers" section, and move Image:Sailer NEGVV.jpg to the right. The way it's currently set up makes the section seem cluttered.
      • I've shrunk the lightsaber images, but I feel all three images are necessary to the section. It's not like there's six lightsaber images like in certain articles. Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Image:Dooku Young-Old.JPG is horribly scanned.
      • Ozzel has uploaded a new version and says it's the best that can be done given the cheapness of the original comic. Yrfeloran 21:26, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
    • And finally, remove Image:Dookubust.jpg from the Appearances section.
    --Imperialles 13:36, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • Former featured article. Yrfeloran 06:16, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
    • I am happy to see someone tackle this and I would encourage you, Yrfeloran, to hack away at it. For what it's worth, I recall (several months ago) noticing that numerous chunks of fanon and fan speculation had made their way into this article, so as the revision process continues, I'd recommend proceeding suspiciously, never assuming that a source tag is legit unless yourself added or checked it. (I haven't even really looked at it yet, though, so for all I know somebody already cleansed it.) Gonk (Gonk!) 12:39, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
      • I did a good deal of the sourcing myself, and have spot-checked most of the rest. There was a serious fanon/NPOV purge that I did, and the non-biographical sections are now shorter. Yrfeloran 22:47, 23 March 2008 (UTC)
  • Note to self: Done up to Clone Wars. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:26, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
  • Small input from Tinwe, concerning the lightsaber Dooku used as a Jedi: I'd like to point you to the direction of this image. It shows that Dooku used the curve-hilt design already as a Padawan (I'm not 100% sure if this is his own saber or just another training saber—though at least I have never seen a curve-hilted one). Whatever the case, I think it deserves to be mentioned in the article. --Tinwe 16:09, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
    • There's a mention in the continuity section of the BtS. As a book cover, the Legacy of the Jedi cover is not really canon. Especially since there's no scene with young Dooku wielding his own saber in the actual book, and the whole montage is kinda, IMHO, poorly done. Yrfeloran 00:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
  • I could use some more feedback on this(objections or votes). I'd be happy to address any concerns with the article. Yrfeloran 01:51, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
  • Curiously enough, our own articles place Tann's attack on Alaris Prime before Dooku's use of the Force Harvester. Just a thought. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:37, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Ack...I think the article initially had them that way. I'll double-check when I get back, but you're probably right. Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
      • They're both 1 month ABG, and they're both extended campaigns that overlap. Because Dooku's personally involved in the Harvester campaign and I'm segueing in from what he's doing with Fett on Raxus Prime before hand, I think it makes sense to cover the whole Harvester campaign first, and then mention he's advising Tann as well. Yrfeloran 15:04, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
  • There seems to be an overabundance of small, two- and three-sentence paragraphs. Don't be afraid to merge these, or to write larger paragraphs, as long as the prose flows well. Inline citations within paragraphs are acceptable.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 21:46, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
  • I'm finding net access while abroad a little more difficult than I thought, but commented on a few objections. I'll still be gone for several more days. Keep the objections coming, I'll have plenty of time to address them when I get back Yrfeloran 16:58, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
  • I'm aware of the burgeoning Clone Wars continuity clusterkriff, and will adjust as necessary. Yrfeloran 16:43, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
  • All my objections addressed. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 19:14, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Corran Horn

  • Nominated by: Havac 21:07, 2 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This is most certainly not the longest article in the history of Wookieepedia. No. It is a very short article and I encourage you all to review it.

(1 Inq/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Ryan Fett (For Mandalore!)JaingHead 22:56, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Tom rules 09:07, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Imperialles 20:58, 1 June 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. Imperialles's objections:
    Nice work. --Imperialles 15:57, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • You crushed Palpatine. On another note, I assume you meant to support? Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:31, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Why is every damn person on the Wook asking me about this? The vote doesn't mean anything. Havac 17:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
  • TL;DR. -- Ozzel 09:33, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Wow Havoc... and I thought it had gotten pretty long back when I was working on this... you blew that away, AND more or less re-did the entire article AND re-wrote it a lot better than my version. Anyways, while I'm probably not gonna be able to do much for at least a month until school gets out, just a couple quick things I noticed:
  1. Some of the section titles strike me as a bit unencyclopedic. For instance, "Supply run gone wrong" might want to be replaced by something like "Battle of Yag'Dhul" or "Return to Yag-prime," and "Drifting into danger" might want to be replaced with something like "Leaving CorSec." There are also some border-line section titles (Rogue rookie, Reign of terror)
  2. It could use some more pictures, especially in the the parts on Rogue Squadron and I, Jedi. That being said, having worked to this article before, I know there aren't a lot of pictures from that time of his life, so if you can't add any without making it seem really forced, that's fine.
  3. The lead quote is so long that it looks sorta unwieldy. You might want to think about trimming it down some.

Other than that, great Job!!!

Valin Horn ("Hal")

  • Nominated by: Havac 02:58, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(3 Inq/0 User/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 01:23, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 02:26, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Lord Hydronium 07:25, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. I don't understand why everything is being sourced by sentence, and not statement, as it should be. E.g. "While his name was originally given as Hal Horn, and that name is used in almost all sources about Horn, X-wing: The Krytos Trap states that "Hal" was only a nickname, and he retained the given name Valin.[1][2]" -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:26, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Because I don't believe in sourcing every single word. Otherwise I'd be sticking tags in every other word anytime I fuse material. It's not like sentences are a vast unit. I mean, I don't need "Horn was a CorSec[1] inspector[2] who for years[3] pursued[1] Booster Terrik[2]." Havac 01:06, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Well, the chances of that being necessary are quite slim. But even if you did have to, I'd prefer it over sticking them all at the end, because the reader is going to be unsure which reference is sourcing what. I'm going away for a while, so I'll strike, but I'd like you to think about it, or something. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:01, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • No, I'm not voting for this one, either. Get over it. Havac 02:58, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
    • So why didn't you vote for this one? Cull Tremayne 05:36, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Something about being a stubborn bastard, I think. Havac 06:30, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
  • The B&W pic in the P/T might be a lot better for the infobox, since A) It's more front on, and B) It's not a repeat of an image already in the article. Thefourdotelipsis 00:25, 24 May 2008 (UTC)


Skirmish on Ambria

  • Nominated by: —Tommy9281(Safe harbor, my friend.) 01:46, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Aside from the technical stuff (infoboxes, infobox refs, etc), I wrote this entire article from my cellphone. Open to thoughts/suggestions, as always.

(4 Inqs/0 User/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote It might need some tweaking, but I don't know much about the topic. Your body of work is beginning to impress, Tommy. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Greyman@wikia(Talk) 02:16, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 02:08, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:05, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. Grass clippings:
    • Linking in the article is inconsistent. Every linkable item needs to be linked once in the intro and once in the article body. Please use CTRL+F in the edit window to find out what needs to be linked. I think A-3DO's first mention needs a pipelink, for example.
      • Addressed.
    • Image:BattleOfAmbria.jpg needs to be cropped at the top. Image:MeditativeCanyon3.jpg needs to be cropped at right.
      • Addressed.
    • Not so sure the time in relation to the Freedon Nadd Uprising is relevant, or at least relevant enough to put in the intro.
      • Addressed.
    • "for months now" is a step into another tense, and should probably be revised.
      • Addressed.
    • You should probably explain that Bogga thought of the crystals as his, initially, in order to avoid confusion later on.
      • Addressed.
    • "one must do a thing themselves" skips from singular to plural, and should be rephrased. Also, it would be easier and read better to speak of Bogga and not a hypothetical person in this sentence.
      • Addressed.
    • Not so sure Bogga and his men traveled to Ambria again in pursuit—please rephrase.
      • Addressed.
    • Again, "for several months now" steps out of the tense, and should be rephrased. Also, the beginning of this section reads somewhat redundantly with the beginning of the history.
      • Addressed.
    • Much of the Background describes events pertinent to Nomi's training, not the skirmish. Please remove all irrelevant material—that belongs in Nomi's article, Thon's perhaps, but not here.
      • Addressed.
    • As you shift between perspectives, you are changing the way we look at different events. Please revisit the first section of The battle, and rewrite it from an omniscient perspective. Honestly, I'd take a look at most of the article in this light.
      • Addressed.
    • Do we know these salvos were concussion missiles? If it is not stated specifically, please don't link to concussion missile in the article.
      • I could have sworn salvos didn't have its own article. Addressed.
    • "some time ago" is a change of tense.
      • Addressed.
    • "were loading" is, as well.
      • Addressed.
    • "either hold the crystals for Bogga or claim them for themselves … either ownership or stewardship" – This is redundant.
      • Addressed.
    • I'm not too keen on the usage of the quote amidst the prose.
      • Addressed.
    • "months ago" is outside the surrounding tense.
      • Addressed.
    • Again, the information in the Aftermath is largely irrelevant to the skirmish itself. Please revise, removing anything not pertinent to the conflict described in the title of the article.
      • Addressed, I think.
    • Graestan(Talk) 20:13, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Thank you Graestan for looking. I believe everytihing has been handled satisfactorily. If anything else is required, please advise, thanks.—Tommy(Clean face and hands)The Anvil 04:34, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
  1. From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
    • "Courageous" is POV. Please reword: "As a result of Sunrider's courageous actions"
    • Addressed.
    • The first sentence of the second "Background" section paragraph starts off immediately as PBP. You need to explain earlier that Bogga wanted the crystals and why. Do not rely on your introduction to tell the story for you. The intro and body is separate unto themselves.
      • Addressed, I believe.
        • I reverted your change because you changed the wrong paragraph. Please readjust your source list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:38, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
          • Addressed.
    • This is awkward introducing them as Weequays so late in the article. This description should accompany their initial introduction in the article: "The Weequay enforcers"
      • Addressed.
    • I'm not sure if it's appropriate to refer to as a Padawan. Pipelinking the article to "apprentice" is one thing, but this is different: "He again ordered his Padawan"
      • Addressed.
    • Maybe I missed this, but this is a bit off kilter without some context of this either happening earlier in the article, or an explanation of her doing this previously: "ordered her to exercise her natural ability with battle meditation, as she had done to protect her child."
      • Good catch. I believe I've newly addressed that in the first paragraph of the background section, towards the end.
    • Concerning the lead quote in the "A trial of courage" section, please tone down the bolding emphasis. Since this is your own interpretation of how it sounds, that's going a bit overboard.
      • Addressed.
    • Please specify who is announcing his findings. A bit unclear: "As he announced his findings, he was confronted by nearly every other member of the gang"
      • Addressed.
    • Please reword this cliche: "When the dust settled"
      • Addressed.
    • Please organize your source list by correct order. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
  • "In an attempt to steal the Adegan crystals in her possession, henchmen of the resident Hutt crime boss, Great Bogga, attacked Sunrider and Andur, resulting in her husband's premature death." - This could probably be more blunt, as in, tell us that he was killed by the henchmen. "He was still without his Adegan crystals, the crystals that he had falsely claimed as his own, and earlier dispatched his pirate-minions to pilfer from the traveling Jedi man and his wife. His enforcers killed the Jedi, but returned empty-handed because the woman had taken up arms in retaliation." - You told us this earlier in the article, and while I see what you're doing, it becomes a bit too circuitous. It's probably best to reshuffle it so you present the facts in chronological order, without having to double back. "Try as he may" is present tense. Thefourdotelipsis 05:28, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • If I were you, Tommy, I'd just nominate this for FAN and forget about this nomination ;) Greyman Jan.png (Talk) 01:54, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Good work on this, but I wonder if it really qualifies as a battle? I would've thought "Skirmish on Ambria" or something would be a more suitable title. Thoughts? -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 06:55, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

181st Imperial Fighter Group

  • Nominated by: Havac 03:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. 181stAce 18:52, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Excellent. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 13:10, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:27, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  • Surely there's more that can be said in the BTS section. There's at least one retcon to explain, right? Maybe check some Stackpole interviews for more info? -- Ozzel 10:04, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I don't recall any retcons, and I've checked all the interviews I had for Soontir Fel himself, and Stackpole never talks about the 181st, just about Fel. The 181st is just a vehicle for that character, so it doesn't get talked about that much in and of itself. Havac 17:53, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
      • The 181st got retconned into the events of The Empire Strikes Back, Shadows of the Empire, and Return of the Jedi, as indicated by The Making of Baron Fel. Shock Wave 18:42, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
        • They're not retcons. If it there was something saying "these specific fighters in ROTJ are the 181st," then it would be. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:55, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
          • Then shouldn't Shadows of the Empire be removed from Appearances as well? 181stAce 15:31, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
  1. I'd like to see the paragraph of information about the "fake" 181st expanded into its own section; this is a major plot point for Aaron Allston's Wraith Squadron novels and, as such, has a lot more material to be explored, including the battles that the impostor unit participated in, as well as how the trickery with the droid fighters was discovered. Also, this use of the unit by Allston should warrant a mention in the BtS.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 21:56, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
    • But that's got not a damn thing to do with the 181st. If you want information about that, we really should have an article on Impostor 181st Imperial Fighter Group. All the information that's actually relevant to the 181st -- the fact that a duplicate unit was created, that it briefly fooled NRI, and was subsequently exposed -- is in the article. I mean, do we need ten sections in Palpatine on the Second Imperium fakeup of him and everything that fakeup did? Or do we just mention that there was a scam, give the details that are actually relevant to Palpatine and his legacy, and move on? Havac 22:55, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Whatever about the IU stuff, a mention in the BtS is definitely needed, since Zsinj's fake was originally thought to be the real thing (I recall a fan letter complaining about it printed in one of the issues of Rogue Squadron). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:16, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Toprawa:
    • Please organize source list by correct OOU publication date. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:13, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • I'm not a fan of the way the Zsinj-impostor thing is sourced. You have two sentences with three references tacked on at the end, but these aren't really helpful or accurate. Wraith Squadron is reffed to, but it isn't established that Tetran Cowell was masquerading as Fel in that novel, so it is a bit misleading. If you understand what I'm saying. I'm not sure if this is repeated throughout the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:22, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Resourced. Havac 00:55, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
  • This isn't so much an objection as a question, but why don't the "Commanders" and "Members" section have any sort of "ultimate fate" type thing. Granted, its not wholly relevant to the 181st, but one sentence saying what happened to them would be okay, IMHO. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 07:19, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I considered that, but I ultimately decided that a description of their time in the 181st itself was enough. Otherwise, I'd get into, "Soontir Fel defected to the New Republic, then Thrawn convinced him to redefect, and then he was in this thing called the Empire of the Hand, until he was in the Chiss Ascendancy, and he had six kids but three of them died, and eventually his descendants ruled the Empire but we don't know how." It would be a lot of information at a very low level of detail that doesn't add much to the understanding of the 181st. Ultimately, if you want more information about what happened to them later, you click the link -- I just didn't want to get too distracted into chronicling the career of Evir Derricote and Soontir Fel and Turr Phennir instead of chronicling the 181st. Havac 16:16, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Political uprising of Empress Teta system

(2 Inqs/0 User/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 05:54, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Stadt of Chack Jadson:
    • Does political have to be capitalized? You tell me.
      • Nope, addressed.
    • I wouldn't say led by Korus, he was just dragged along.
      • Heh, addressed.
    • I dislike the phrase, "ever so gracious". Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:55, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Addressed.
    • Remove this sentence:"He wasn't dead, however."
      • Addressed.
    • The way you format your quotes is inconsistent. Just holler if you need more clarification from me. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:55, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Well, I have the more-than-two person quotes formated with (Dialogue), and the two-person, single-line-each quotes formatted the other way, which I was told is how it should be done. I'm quite alright with changing it, however, if you deem it necessary.
    • Pretty nice. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:55, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Corla Metonae

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 02:59, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I would like to point out that I wholeheartedly support this nomination, I think it's up to scratch, totally and utterly, and I would welcome any support votes for this work in this field. :) Please feel free to object as well. Thank you for your time, and we wish you a Merry Christmas.

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Yay for retconny goodness. -- Ozzel 07:21, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 18:26, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Yep. very good article. Ifindyourlackoffaithdisturbing 03:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  4. After a minor grammatical ammendment. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 08:32, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Short article, pretty girl, what's not to like? Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:41, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
    • Can we word this to say who discovered this, ship's crew or whatever, rather than saying it was discovered? "it was discovered that two of the ship's droids,"
    • Please kill the source/ref red link. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:43, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Wam Lufba

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 06:21, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Ah do declare this here article nominated.

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 19:03, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:38, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Blam! -- Ozzel 08:46, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 12:31, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Darn Yuzzum. Greyman@wikia(Talk) 02:10, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. Blah blah:
    • Jabba should never be referred to as just "Desilijic;" only "Jabba."
      • I don't see why not, since it's his family name.
        • "Desilijic" is his clan name. If anything, "Tiure" is his family name, but I don't think that's ever been used alone for any Hutt in an official source. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:59, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
    • "Allowed" is used twice in the opening paragraph. Also, "do the actual hunting" looks a bit off to me; please try and find some alternative to "do." Actually, one of those "allowed to..."s should probably be axed.
      • Alterfied.
    • Shouldn't you just say that they were captured by a poacher, rather than doing it like the DB entry is?
      • Could, but I choose not to. I tend to tell the story as it occurs to the character.
        • Fair enough, though I think it would look better changed.
    • There's a bit of extraneous detail about "Boushh" and Han which ought to be cut.
      • I've added a bit of relevance to that situation, but it was really there to explain the Carkoon situation.
        • Better.
    • "Skilled in..." "Skilled in..." in the P&T. Please reword one of them.
      • Yarp, done.
    • I'm a bit wary of the use of "would" in the article. Not being a grammar expert, I may be wrong, though.
      • It's use is correct as far as I know, but I seem to be subconsciously obsessed with using it, which is more of a concern. Pared down, at any rate.
      • One of reasonably few interesting WTSes. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:45, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
        • I'd say that the duds are the rare ones, having roamed much of the WTS land. Sometimes, though, you come across a complete turd, like Greejatus. Thefourdotelipsis 08:55, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Toprawa:
    • This reads literally that he was dismissed because he was regarded as a legitimate hunter, which isn't what you're trying to say, I understand. Please reword appropriately: "Dismissed as a legitimate hunter because of his size"
      • Reworded.
    • This reads kind of awkwardly considering those who had judged him previously weren't present at the moment to be proven wrong directly. Please reword this a little bit: "These peers were later proven wrong"
      • I've added "indirectly," but I think you can prove someone who's not present to be wrong. Like Nostradamus or whatever. :P Sing out if you think it needs rewording though.
        • You're fine. I almost made the exact change, but thought I'd see what you would change it to Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:40, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm really not one to ever pick on images, since I'm rather image-handicapped myself, but the Jedi screen shot is kind of terrible. I'm sure someone could grab a cleaner and higher res version. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:04, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
      • I'll get someone on it, but he's really in the dark and poorly lit. The improvement might be minimal. Thefourdotelipsis 05:27, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Shadow trooper

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:03, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Whoever said that toys aren't canon? Plus...ARMAND.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Not as nominator! Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:06, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 22:35, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Vive advanced clone trooper types! Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 08:53, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:03, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Moffship of Chack Jadson:
    • "In 19 BBY, when Confederacy of Independent Systems General Grievous was located on Utapau, shadow troopers were called in to infiltrate six of the planet's sinkhole cities, and place jammers, which would allow[1] General Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Third Systems Army to invade the planet without notice. As a result, Grievous was killed, and Utapau was placed under Galactic Republic control."[3][4] The first part (up to Grievous) reads awkwardly. Add something to indicate the Confederacy's relationship to Grievous. I realize general is there but it doesn't make it any smoother. Supreme Commander might work. Also, does the reference formatting have to be like that?
      • If there wasn't such a strong correlation between the words "General" and "Grievous" that probably would have read as intended, but I suppose it doesn't. Altered.
    • "In some situations, such as the on on Utapau in the waning days of the Clone Wars, shadow troopers were inserted to ensure the successful entry of a much larger invasion force." Is there supposed to be something between the and on?
    • Nice. Chack Jadson (Talk) 16:45, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
    • I'd like to see a little mention of it being selected as number 62 in Insider's 100 Best Things Ever and any appropriate info the description may include
    • I would request that you please create an article for Director of Republic Intelligence in accordance with our Director of Imperial Intelligence and Director of New Republic Intelligence articles and link both instances of "Director" to that article, rather than the mundane Director article.
    • Just used this "with ease" bit to end the first paragraph. A bit redundant, please reword: "allow their comrades to infiltrate their targets with stealth and ease"
    • Much of the "Application" section is very redundant, just repeating what you've already clearly established in the prior sections. I don't see anything in our Layout Guide that would necessarily stipulate such a section be included. As such, please cut out the unnecessary repetition. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:35, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
      • May this set a precedent for other, longer articles of similar ilk that would do greater justice for such a section with more, original information. Toprawa and Ralltiir 07:03, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Kapp Dendo

  • Nominated by: AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:19, 12 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: What I would give for a New Republic Commando-esque game... :-D

(6 Inqs/0 User/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Gonk (Gonk!) 14:57, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote "Greyman grumbles about needing to remember to vote when he's done reviewing a certain FAN...two days ago" Greyman@wikia(Talk) 01:58, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Objections handled via IRC. Great character. Graestan(Talk) 19:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Per Ackbar's nomination comments. Great article. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 14:53, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:34, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote -- Redundant Guy 03:14, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Long-Lost Gonk of Gonk:
    • I see "datadisk" and "datadisc." Better determine which is more canonical. I'd look but I don't have it handy.
      • Checked and fixed. :-)
    • More later. Kapp rules. Gonk (Gonk!) 14:36, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Yes he does.
    • The lead quote in P&T is screwy: "about it about people". Gonk (Gonk!) 15:40, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Odd. I could've sworn I'd corrected that. Fixed now, anyway. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:51, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Might want to throw in Terrik's involvement on the Ciutric mission, even if it's not directly related to Dendo.
      • Added a brief mention.
    • More context on the Lusankya prisoners please.
      • Done.
    • I'm pretty sure "Commando Team One" is singular; check your "was"s and "were"s please. This has popped up more than once and I blame Gonk for not catching them. :-P
      • I've always referred to teams with "were"s and probably always will, because that's what I see every day in relation to sports teams, but since it's apparently an American vs. British English thing, I've changed them (Grae should catch any I missed) :-) But yes, it's all Gonk's fault.
        • Works for me. I've just always seen them written that way in other Wookieepedia articles. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 14:53, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:06, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
    • The way the attribution line of the lead quote reads implies that Dendo is speaking the first line, and not the second. Please remedy
    • So what happened? Please do a little bit to clarify that the building exploded or whatever, and that their mission was a success: "With mere moments left on the explosives’ timer, the team escaped and eventually returned to the New Republic base."
    • Can we pipelink a specific system here? "barring the Rogues and commandos from exiting the system"
    • Please link to her clone's article here, upon first mention, and not later on in that paragraph: "and her clone" Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:31, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  4. Image:Dendo bashed.jpg, Image:Dendo action.jpg, Image:Dendo gloomy.jpg and Image:Dendo face.jpg are all distorted and could use re-scans. Does anyone have the comic at all? --Imperialles 12:22, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • I believe Red does, and I've asked him to rescan them. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:54, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Red just posted replacements for all four of those. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 03:14, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Barukka

  • Nominated by: Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Take this, Jon!

(2 Inq/2 User/4 Total)

Support

  1. Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 01:49, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Honed, Refined, Approved. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 08:32, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Thefourdotelipsis 23:59, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 15:47, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. She's actually mentioned briefly -- albeit with her named misspelled "Baruka" -- in Cracken's Threat Dossier, on page 26. I don't think there's any new info, but you'll have to reference the article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:31, 13 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the Holocron of Darth Xadún...
    • Starting the 'Redemption' section with 'However...' doesn't flow very well. Either remove it or reword the opening sentence for this section.
      • Fixed. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
        • You don't need 'though' on the end of this sentence either.
    • I've noticed you use the word 'However' quite a lot. It gets very repetitive. Try replacing a few of the instances with other words or try removing it altogether and re-wording your sentences.
      • I fixed most of them, but I left two 'However's in there. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
        • That's fine, it's just when you use the same word a lot in a short space it gets mundane. Much better now. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
    • "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to bring her back into the clan by driving her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." should read "She would call for her to return, and would hunt for Barukka, determined to either bring her back into the clan, drive her mad, or kill her for her betrayal." Please adapt this.
    • "She had a dark aura flowing about her, and wielded great powers that even Luke had not known of. " Is better off in the P&a rather than P&t section.
      • I kept the dark aura in there, becuase it signified how far she had fallen, but the second part of that sentence is now in the P&A section. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
        • The first sentence in the P&A section is now too long and rather fragmented. Break it up into 2 seperate sentences; one for the using of the 'spells' and another about her skill at the 'spell of illusion'.
    • Millenium Falcon should be in italics as it is the name of a ship.
    • "She wanted her various physical and mental damages to be healed by Luke, and her willfulness and eagerness to be redeemed led to her redemption by Luke." Alter this sentence so you don't use 'by Luke' twice and 'redeemed/redemption'. Try '...and her willfulness and eagerness to return to the Clan (or her family, whichever you prefer) led to her redemption.'
    • The Powers section is rather brief. Mention about the Witches of Dathomir thinking the Force was magic spells and which 'spells' Barukka was proficient at. Also, because she could hear Gethzerion in her mind is more of an indicator that Gethzerion could use tlepathy rather than Barukka, so change this two.
      • I did my best on that one. I mentioned the spells and took Barukka's telepathic abilities out. I couldn't make it that much longer, because when I did, it sounded really POVish. --Darthchristian 2:00, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
        • "Barukka was not known for being able to block telpathic connections to her, and was tortured by Gethzerion, who exploited this." The sentence could do with re-arranging to sound less fragmented, and spellings, too.Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 08:22, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Otherwise, not bad. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 18:10, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

  1. From the Stone Table of Chack Jadson:
    • "...committing atrocities that her mother, Augwynne Djo, would not speak of..." This is uneeded.
      • Fixed.
    • "She had petitioned to rejoin the Singing Mountain Clan, which she would be allowed to do once she has completed her purification. However, she was tormented mentally by Gethzerion and was slowly being driven insane." These two sentences read awkwardly.
      • Fixed it up, should read well now.
    • Dark Side isn't capitalized.
      • Fixed.
        • No it's not.
          • It wasn't capitilized in other paragraphs as well. I must of missed it before, but its done now. Sorry about that.
            • Quite alright.
    • Give a few words about how Augwynne was the leader when she's first mentioned in the Bio.
      • Done.
    • "...who would impose terror on the other clans and the people that were imprisoned on Dathomir as well." Again, this doesn't flow.
      • Fixed it up.
    • Is there an article for the Imperial Prison?
      • Yeah, there is, I added it to the article now.
    • "...and wasn't trustworthy due to actions." This part seems incomplete, and needs better phrasing.
      • It was a fragment I hadn't noticed while writing this article, I fixed it now.
    • The prose in the first paragraph in Redemption could be better.
      • Redid the first few sentences.
    • Give a little context on who Isolder, Leia, and Luke (well, at least Isolder) were and why they wanted information about the Prison.
      • Explained who each character was, and why they needed information about the prison was already stated later int he paragraph.
    • "...impressing and terrifying Leia." It seems like the people in the prison were doing these things to her. Please correct this.
      • Fixed it up.
        • Actually, this part might fit better in P&A or should be removed entirely. You decide.
          • I decided to take it out.
    • You use collapse in consecutive sentences in this paragraph too.
      • Fixed.
    • Give some context on her Gethzerion and how her clan was destroyed.
      • Done.
    • You stress that she wanted to be redeemed about four times in the P&T alone. Please try to cut down on this and condense it as much as possible. I understand why you do this, but it makes for an awkward read.
      • I cut down on the redemption stuff. It's better now.
    • "Barukka, a Force-trained Dathomiri witch and Nightsister, and activated her Force powers by exclaiming a set of words that her clan had named a spell." Is the "and" simply in there by mistake?
      • Yep. Fixed.
    • "Barukka was not known for being able to block telepathic connections to her, and was endlessly tortured by Gethzerion because of this." To block connections to whom? Also, it sounds like she was tortured because she couldn't block her, not because she was cruel and her inability to block it enabled her to torture her (if you get what I mean). Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:34, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
      • I know what you're talking about, but since Gethzerion is the only one who got through to Barukka's mind, there's no proof that she was able to block telepathic connections. That's why the "Barukka was not known for being able to block telepathic connections to her," was put there in the first place, and telepathy is an important Force power. If I use your suggestion, then the sentence is very POVish, and also sounds like conjecture. --Darthchristian 23:27, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Context on Zsinj.
      • Done.
    • "....she became very fearful..." Please change to avoid using fearful in the same paragraph. Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:01, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Changed the second one to "frightened." Darthchristian 20:25, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
  • It would probably do to fatten up the intro just a tad. Otherwise fine, though she's no Jon. :P Thefourdotelipsis 01:39, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • Single source, needs no referencing, there are no images of her, and I believe this is over a thousand words. --Darthchristian 8:36, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

Duel on Tython

(1 Inq/0 User/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 22:01, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the cockpit of Xwing328
    • "Johun Othone returned with Master Farfalla..." This paragraph doesn't start well. Othone is "returning," but why, what from? Who is he? What's he doing here?
    • Question, not objection: "...the two Sith Lords, Bane and Zannah." Was Zannah actually a Sith Lord at this point?
      • Yes. Shortly afterwards (after he had recovered of course), Bane yelled at her, addressing her as "Darth Zannah".
    • "Echani Jedi Master and unparalleled lightsaber duelist..." She's obviously not an unparalleled lightsaber duelist, since she was defeated. Consider rewording to simply, "Echani Jedi Weapon Master..." —Xwing328(Talk) 04:38, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Addressed.

Comments

Dusty Duck

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:29, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Nominated. Yes, it is 1000 words, though only just barely.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:46, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 15:49, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Imperialles 12:26, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  4. I will never ceased to be amazed as to why pilots have ships that are always on the verge of failing completely. Or why they are so endearing. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 09:07, 3 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Battlefield of Chack Jadson:
    • Could you please try to expand the Characteristics section by a few sentences? I know not much info is available, but it just looks odd in its present state. Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:58, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Not without making stuff up. The Databank entry is scant on details in that department, since it really focuses on the story. Thefourdotelipsis 22:58, 17 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I don't think you need to call him Dym senior. You say he was murdered, and in the same sentence mention his daughter, making it clear to the reader that her father was the one killed. Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:01, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
      • I've done that because I don't start calling Aneesa "Dym" until later on, and I did that because things get a bit too confusing earlier on if I do otherwise. Complicating matters is the fact that Dym senior doesn't have a real name. I don't think it particularly hurts, and while most people would be able to get their head around it, it's there just for that extra bit of clarification. Thefourdotelipsis 23:39, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. From the Merciless Hammer of Toprawa:
    • I'm not sure what this is saying exactly. The ship would do this on its own, as I'm understanding? It would do this, but makes comfortable descents onto lush worlds? Can you do some specifying/clarifying here? "and would make ungainly descents to barren worlds"
      • Alterised.
        • I added a little bit to further clarify per the Databank Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:46, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I would request that you kill the red link in the infobox.
    • Glad to see you got the Insider 100 mention in there. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:00, 25 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Conclave on Deneba

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. I remember helping this when he was only thinking GA... good times, good times. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 14:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)

'Oppose'

  • For the outcome, also put phyrric Jedi victory, since the Krath did kill a lot of Jedi. Darthchristian (Hey!) 17:10, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • Any particular reason you're not taking this to- oh, wait, you are taking it to FA. Keep up the good work. :P JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 14:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Isn't it "pyrrhic" instead of "phyrric"? (Just a question, not opposing)--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:56, 3 June 2008 (UTC)


Tamizander Rey

  • Nominated by: Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: 1,251 words. Definitely didn't imagine this thing would ever see the FAN page.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Greyman@wikia(Talk) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Part of a great series on ESB and ROTJ tertiary characters. Graestan(Talk) 20:19, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

  • Crappy picture, I'm well aware. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:30, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
    • De-crapified now…well, somewhat :) I rescanned the picture from the original playing card, managing to get his whole head in it, unlike the previous copy. Likewise, I was able to clean it up a bit and mostly get rid of the distortion which is noticeable on the picture when you blow it up from the original tiny size. Greyman@wikia(Talk) 01:27, 23 May 2008 (UTC)


Darlyn Boda

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Very nice. I love Of Possible Futures. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:29, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Haruspices. Graestan(Talk) 23:35, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • "The city Darlyn Boda, with its shadowy streets, offered the perfect environment in which to begin a life of crime, of which the bounty hunting droid 4-LOM took advantage." Bit of POVishness, or at least overly figurative language that could use cleanup.
      • I've taken that literally from the city description from OPF. If anything, it might be bordering on plagiarism. I'll try to reword it a little bit. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:44, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
        • Reworded.
    • I would combine the two paragraphs in Locations, as they both talk about places in the city. Also, you might want to mention that the city had a spaceport-I'm pretty sure that Of Possible Futures stipulates that. The very last sentence of Locations could use another nod towards the Ankarres Sapphire, but I won't push that.
      • Combining will take place when I have the chance. No spaceport mentioned, though. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:44, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
    • "Hot" is not a climate, unless the source specifically says that "Darlyn Boda had a hot climate."
      • Well, the RPG stats for Darlyn Boda from Wizards, which all but mirrors our own infobox fields, states "Hot" for the "Temperature" field. I was under the impression that effectively served as the "Climate." Would "Hot temperature" work for you? Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:44, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
        • Uh, not really. Again, temperature isn't a climate. Climates are things like "arid", "tropical", even "mountainous" and describe the overall behavior and composition of the environment and the types of life/terrain/weather that one might expect to find there. "Hot" doesn't cut it. If nothing else, "Swamp" or "Marshland" would suffice. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:16, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
          • Using any real-world climatology terms, the closest to this planet I'm guessing would be rainforest, would be extrapolation, as would using "swamp" or "marshlands," since no source describes anything of the sort. "Hot temperature" should work, since temperature is a prevailing element of climate. It doesn't classify the climate by any scientific terms, but it gives the reader an insight into what the planet holds. I will also direct you to the very definition of the word from Dictionary.com. The first aspect of climate they define it by is "temperature." If you have any alternative suggestions, please shoot. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:46, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
            • Since the other climes referred to in the source material do not include anything arid, perhaps "hot and humid" would be an acceptable alternative? It would certainly be more specific. For the record, though, I'd like to state that "hot" has commonly been used in climatology to generalize about multiple climates that share only that variable, or situations where that variable is relevant. However, since I don't see anything about deserts or savannas, "hot and humid" could safely be given. Graestan(Talk) 23:35, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
              • Since I can't use any true climate terminology, I've gone ahead and just removed the infobox field. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:05, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:40, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Plooz

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote He's lovably dumb, and can time travel. More Inq must read this. Greyman@wikia(Talk) 02:34, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. No lead quote. Also, in the quote for the "Return" section, the all caps "FATHER" seems odd, since comics are in all caps anyway. Please advise. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:18, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Lead quote inserted, and it's in capitals since the word "father" is significantly in the comic, despite being in the bubble as the preceding words. So the capitals are to mimic that extra emphasis. Thefourdotelipsis 23:28, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
      • I'd prefer bolding and italicizing, or something, instead, but it doesn't really matter. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:32, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Spiker

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

Comments

  • I'd suggest that an unhelmeted image would be much better than the infobox, also, why aren't there any Tales templates for the Sand Blasted portion? Thefourdotelipsis 12:32, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
    • If anyone wants to tinker with the main image, please feel free; everything I've tried so far -- particularly the unmasked ones -- look off. About Sand Blasted; it's referenced in the Dark Forces Saga, and according to its article it is C-canon. So...I dunno. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:37, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
      • That would mean that the referenced elements are C-canon. Not the comic itself. Thefourdotelipsis 14:17, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

The Drunk Side

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. You May Dispense with the Pleasantries, Commander, Toprawa is Here to Put You Back on Schedule:
    • Right then, Mr. Darth...--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 00:21, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
    • You call it a small settlement, but in this next sentence it's a city? These two are not equatable: "preferring to remain there when she visited the city to give"
      • Addressed; replaced with "colony".
    • The "previous owner" could use some kind of conjectural article: "when the previous owner"
      • It isn't necessary to create an article about this for the FAN to pass.
        • It is necessary for all featured article nominations to have all objections stricken before passing and becoming featured articles. I've taken the minimal effort required to create the article for you, so that petty bickering and campaigns to have the Inq strike other people's objections won't have to take place. Graestan(Talk) 04:05, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm very hesitant to describe it to something as clearly OOU as a horseshoe, when I'm guessing horses don't exactly exist in the SW universe. Simply saying the "U-shaped" whatever would suffice: "horseshoe-shaped bar"
      • Right. Changed.
    • If this Valley of the Dark Lords is on Korriban, as I'm assuming, it would be best to add "the local" before it for greater context
      • Had a shufti; it's been contextified.
    • Don't be so quick to assume everyone knows who Revan is or what happened to him. "Mindwiped" is very vague, and doesn't describe his condition to the unknowing. Additionally, "the crew of the Ebon Hawk" is just as vague. Context, please: "When the mindwiped Revan, accompanied by the crew of the Ebon Hawk"
      • Contextified Revan to the point of relevancy, but as to the Hawk and who is aplenty, all comrades save Bastila can be there.
    • This reads, literally, that "previous owners" is a service. Please reword appropriately: "previous owners"
      • Amended.
    • Context, please. What is the Star Map? What is its significance, why does he want it, etc.: "as getting into the Academy was the only way to reach the Valley and the Star Map he suspected was to be found there"
      • Contextified in an earlier statement, including a link to the Star Forge. Anything more would be fat on the hog.
        • This still doesn't give me any idea what the Star Forge is, or why it's significant
          • Hence the link, but added another blurb anyway.
    • Context, please. I don't know who these people are. Who is the former Jedi? Significant expansion required here: "After Revan and Juhani met Dak Vesser in the Valley of the Dark Lords, the former Jedi left for Dreshdae"
      • Contextified.
        • This sentence is still problematic. Context needed for this Juhani, and it's clausal confusion to boot. Revan and Juhani are not "the Sith." Please reword: "After Revan and Juhani met Dak Vesser, a former Jedi who had trained alongside the Cathar Padawan, in the Valley of the Dark Lords, the Sith left for Dreshdae,"
          • Fixed again.
    • What is their quest? Please explain: "not wanting to have anything to do with either of them or their quest"
      • Should be obvious now; regardless, thus has it been amended.
    • Increasing examples of assuming the reader knows what this is. Please be careful of this. Explain everything. She defected? Under what circumstances? Context, please: "and the defection of Ban,"
      • Amended.
        • This still is unclear. His "actions" could mean anything. Specify, please: "following Revan's actions"
          • Added a link to the Skirmish on Korriban. Contextualizing his actions beyond this is irrelevant to the cantina itself, as they do not apply to it or its history.
    • This sentence is unencyclopedic, and needs to be removed. We aren't IGN: "However, it is recommended to ignore Juhani's side quest involving the slaver, Xor, until after the battle on the Leviathan."
      • Pruned.
    • Additionally, I'm not sure what's in that link about accessing the premium items, but it sounds very game guide-ish, and I'm guessing it's irrelevant. Toprawa and Ralltiir 05:07, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
      • It is very necessary actually, as it relates to the game's storyline (hence the GameLSmechanics tag) and it's not something you're going to find in the Prima guide.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 01:15, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Xadún is here at your request, but expects to be well paid for his services. -
    • Due to the level of detail the following sentences possess, they have become very fragmented. Break them down into seperate sentences.
      • 'When the mindwiped and retrained Jedi Revan, accompanied by his comrades aboard the Ebon Hawk, visited the cantina in 3,956 BBY in search of Star Maps, which pointed out the location of the Star Forge, the hidden weapons factory that powered the Sith war effort, he found that his vessel was the subject of admiration among the pilots and crew who frequented the place.'
        • Duly broken up.
          • This sentence hasn't changed. Maybe your edit was undone. I recommend ending at '...Korriban in 3,956 BBY' Then open the next sentence 'They were searching for star maps to locate the Star Forge...' et al.
      • 'After Revan and one of his companions, Juhani, met a Sith archeologist named Dak Vesser, a former Jedi who had trained alongside the Cathar Padawan, in the Valley of the Dark Lords, the Sith left for Dreshdae, not wanting to have anything to do with either of them or whatever had brought them to Korriban; he took refuge in the cantina before departing the planet.'
        • Broken up and rephrased.
    • 'Later, after securing a Sith Medallion from the corpse of a Sith student who had killed one of his friends and was threatening another, Revan presented the icon to the Twi'lek instructor Yuthura Ban, who was apprenticed to the Sith Master Uthar Wynn and considered second-in-command at the Academy.' I assume the student was threatening one of Revan's friends? Did Revan find the student as a corpse or do we know who killed him? Clarify this sentence please. It may also need revising once you clarify it i.e. breaking it down like the other overly-long sentences i highlighted.
      • Clarified; the Sith was threatening bystanders who appeared to have been his friends. Changed to simply "bystanders".
        • How did Revan aquire the medallion? did he step in to the conflict and fight the student? what happened to the student afterward? was he killed by Revan or merely flee the cantina? More expansion on this please.
    • How did Wynn die? Just extend this sentence. Again, may need breaking into 2 sentences after expansion.
      • Changed "actions" within the link to Skirmish on Korriban to "double-cross and betrayal"; if more is desired, please advise.
    • Offer some examples of the races in the cantina within the Inhabitants section if you can.
      • There's only three, really, but they've been added.
        • I know this was a little nit-picky, but saying what sort of inhabitandts were there can be useful.
    • All in all, it's a fair article, but not great. Seems rarther uncomprehensive for FA status. I know it scrapes it's hull over the word limit too. IMHO, GAN would have been a better choice. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 11:18, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
      • 1,165 words at latest count. (slips a bag of credits under the table) Thank you for reviewing.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 18:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
        • Anytime. I've put a few more changes to be done. If you would like anything reviewed in the future, just holler. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 09:51, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • I'm going to say this as a friendly pre-peer review warning so as to show no ill-will, but please be aware that the article may very well fall under the 1,000 word length requirement after I go through this. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:55, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

3B6-RA-7

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 09:14, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This is probably one of the best WTS's I've read so far...I mean...two GODV references. TWO.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. This quite an impressive article. I agree totally with 4Dot. One of the best WTS. Darthchristian (Hey!) 17:04, 26 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Aruk Besadii Aora

  • Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 15:04, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: the first of several Hutt noms I have planned for the summer.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Required a spell-check, but good Enochf 21:45, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Thoroughly interesting. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 10:27, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. From the Sith tablet enscribed by Xadún -
    • Although 'kajidic' is linked, a brief reference to what it actually is could be done with in either the introduction or the main body.
      • Added an explanation in the main body, but I think it's unnecessary for the intro and would mess up the flow.
    • Likewise for 'Vigo'.
      • Same as above.
    • 'In that year, however, the operation received its first major hiccup.' - unencyclopedaic terminology. please revise.
      • Changed to "setback."
    • 'In 5 BBY, Aruk hired a group of well trained Drell pirates to assassinate Jabba on a trip to Tatooine, but the pirates failed to accomplish their goal.' - How did they fail? or is this not mentioned in the source?
      • Info added.
    • 'Kibbick allowed Teroenza free reign to administer the facility, never interfering as long as he was given his share of native nala tree frogs.' Mention that these were used for food, as opposed to a general amphibian collecttion, drug use (as in native tribal cultures), etc.


Comments

  • "I am Borga Besadii Diori, cousin of Durga Besadii Tai, son of Aruk the Great, brother of Zavval."—Borga the Hutt in Agents of Chaos II. This doesn't seem to fit into the established family tree at all. Please address this somewhere in the article. --Borsk Fey'lya Talk 09:47, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Boushh

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. This bounty hunter is my kind of scum. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 11:28, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. P&t : 'When hired by Narloch, Boushh left the Herglic gambler for dead when he fled Dalos IV, demonstrating that he cared more for his own skin than survival.' Isn't caring for one's own skin the same as survival? Or have i misinterpreted this?

Comments

  • Can you use an unmasked picture of him in the infobox? Since we have ones of decent quality, and the masked one is literally a repurposed image of Leia (I know in its canonical use it's of Boushh, but it does make the point of how vague masked pictures are), I think this is a case where an unmasked shot would be far superior. - Lord Hydronium 21:50, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
    • I disagree. As Boushh rarely removes his helmet, and the masked picture is instantly more recognisable, it makes things easier for user reference. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 10:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
      • I would tend to agree with Xadun, though I don't really care too much either way. I think the fact that the unmasked one is less than 250px should rule it out. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:38, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Well, the masked one is more recognizable as Leia, since that's how most people have seen "Boushh". The fact that Leia-as-Boushh and helmeted Boushh look identical to the point that a picture of the former is used for the latter I think is a good indication of how ambiguous the helmeted picture is. Acky: There might be a better sized one in the strip; if that can be found, would you have any objection to changing it? - Lord Hydronium 02:51, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
        • Nope, but I'm fairly sure there isn't a bigger one. If that option isn't available, what about using the coloured picture from later on the bio for the infobox? That would at least alleviate the "Leia" issue. Either way, I don't mind, and we can use the smaller, unmasked one if necessary. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
          • Ozzel cropped a wider version of the unmasked, so I switched the two. - Lord Hydronium 20:36, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Valarian

  • Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 18:48, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This'll probably be my last nom for three weeks or so.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. From the notebook of Darthchristian:
    • The second sentence in the intro is a run-on. Please correct this.
      • Fixed.
    • Are the dashes around, "young for a whipid" needed? The same for the monks later in the article as well.
      • Well, I don't think commas would work and brackets seem to be disliked by most FAreviewers, so I'm not sure there's any other option. Changed the B'omarr one, though I'm not sure it looks right.
        • If thats the case, then yeah, change it back. It was more like a question than an obbjection.
    • In, "...old cargo hauler which had previously...," please change which to that. It doesn't read right with which.
      • Changed.
    • "...despite Jabba's objections; the Hutt responded...," change the semi colon to a comma and add "and" after it.
      • Why?
        • I really don't think semi-colons work here. It makes it seem like you're just trying to get the info in and it doesn't quite read right when you do that.
    • After you did that, "to attack the Lucky Despot and its patrons and also attempted to...," Seperate the sentence after "patrons" so it isn't a run-on.
      • See above,
        • See previous explanation above.
    • "...former players for Jabba the Hutt, they were her favorite musical group...," doesn't make sense. Change it to, "She hired famed musician Max Rebo and his band, former players for Jabba the Hutt and Valerian's favorite musical group, to provide entertainment for the wedding.
      • It does make sense, and, IMHO, reads better than the alternative. Perhaps others could chime in?
        • Its sort of like the previous objection. If that sentence I suggested really doesn't work, just change "they were" to and.
    • After the Modal Nodes are first mentioned, use a period after it and seperate that sentence into two. It read a lot better after that.
      • Again, I don't see the need and I think it looks better as is.
        • I see your point. Again, more of a suggestion than objection.
    • Add "and" after "Jabba's various henchmen," and before, "dozens of guests."
      • That wouldn't make sense.
    • ou don't pluralize guests in the wedding section.
      • Done now.
    • After "later," put a when after the comma.
      • I'm not sure which "later" you're referring to, but adding "when" after any of them wouldn't make sense.
        • Wow, I totally meant to delete this objection. I thought it might work, typed it down, but found later it didn't work. Sorry.
    • You don't need the parenthesis around, "who had been rehired to play in Jabba's court."
      • Changed.
    • There is an article for Shiri'ani, right?
      • Yes; now linked to.
    • Though this isn't a valid objection, can you please make an article for those redlinks? It just makes everything better.
      • Well, I don't see the point in making two one-sentence articles which could be far better. I'll get around to Herogga eventually, since I plan to GA him someday.
        • Very true. Just trying to improve it further.
    • In the P&T, I wouldn't use the word disrespected, after what happened at the wedding. Use a word that well represents the fiasco.
      • Better?
        • Yep.
    • Very well written article otherwise. Darthchristian (Hey!) 16:48, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Thank you. I will try to get these addressed later this evening, though I will say that, for a lot of them, it would have been easier to fix them yourself than list them here. No worries, though. :-) -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:21, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
        • I realize that now. For the most part though, they were grammar stuff that I thought should take here first though, to get feedback on whether it sounded right.Darthchristian (Hey!) 11:04, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
  2. Some mention should be made of the Dragon's Spine (asteroid field). --Eyrezer 13:00, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Cay Qel-Droma

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Well done Mr. Jadson.—Tommy(Clean face and hands)The Anvil 21:11, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. The Anvil:
    • Minor:For the Great Sith War section, I'd add another image, so as to balance them out. I would've said just to move the next image (Ulicqeldromaversuscay.JPG) to the left, but that will displace the section header. If you need a good one to add, you know where to get'em!;) I'd use this one (Cayqel-dromaHS.jpg), since it actually is the image that corresponds with the section quote. Up to you though.
      • Funnily enough, I thought about adding another image there but decided against it. Anyway, added one. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Also, I would change the image (Image:Cay qel droma.jpg) for the "First mission" section, only because it depicts Cay with his prosthesis, which he didn't have yet at that point in the story.

Comments

  1. Indeed, Mr. Jadson, this article has come a long way! It's been polished nicely from the nonsense that it was before you stepped on the scene. I'm glad to be working on this project with you ;)—Tommy(Clean face and hands)The Anvil 16:19, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
    • The reason everyone is referred to by first name is that that's how it's done in the comic. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:21, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Wraith Squadron

  • Nominated by: Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Wraith awaiting launch orders.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Also working on redlinks, me.--Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 20:42, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Greyman@wikia(Talk) 14:30, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. Yes, I know about the redlinks. I'm working on it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. You've got an unsourced quote in their somewhere: Eurrsk Thri'ag. And you should be consistent with periods or without periods at the end of the description. --Eyrezer 04:06, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Quote sourced. Which periods are you referring to? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:28, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
      • This is with regard to quotes. Sometime you end the quote attribution with a period and sometimes you don't. --Eyrezer 23:19, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. From Greyman:
    • In the Equipment section, under the Starfighter subsection, it's written "Years later, in the Yuuzhan Vong War, the Wraiths continued to fly X-wing starfighters…". I'm not sure, so I thought I'd ask, but it is known if they flew the XJ series during that time? Or is it not mentioned in the NJO novels? I can't remember, so I thought I'd ask. This isn't an objection, per se, since the section with regards to the X-wing is written fine, but it's just a little detail that caught my eye that might be worth including if need be.
      • Heh, I've learned that it is not mentioned, remarkably enough, what type of X-wing they flew. They must have been the odd-balls out in the series, then :P Greyman@wikia(Talk) 02:06, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
        • Yeah, it's not stated. Except for Enemy Lines, they pretty much get cameos. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
    • The pictures in the "Members" section also caught my eye. For some of them, you give captions and information, and then others there are just the pilots names present. I'd suggest choosing to add information for each picture, or just have the name for each picture. Or, you could drop the names/captions choice entirely and just use the code [[Image:randomname.jpg|left|150px]] (or just leave out the "left", which defaults the picture right), thus cutting out the thumbnail entirely. I have some ideas for the formatting of this section to streamline the appearance, but I didn't want to do anything which would take away from your initial vision without first consulting you ;) Anyways, whatever you decide to do, just let me know and this objection shall be struck.
      • I tweaked all of the captions to have a brief description of that person's tasks so the reader could get an idea of who they were "on the fly", so to speak. If you have some other ideas, please let me know via the usual channels. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 14:18, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
    • After some minor touch ups, I have no complaints with the main article; it is well done :) Greyman@wikia(Talk) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • Thanks to Goodwood for tossing in a few quotes and a couple member sections.
  • The Narra is referred to as "the Narra" throughout Allston's books.
  • Ditto with "the Ugly Truth" and "the Hawkbat.
  • The segment where Lara Notsil is referred to by first name is intentional; two Notsils are being discussed at that point in the article and it's confusing to use their last names and stupid to use their whole names. So please don't place that on merciless hammers or cubicles or forests or bridges or what-have-you. Then again, you probably knew all this anyway. ;-)
  • The images are, AFAIK, all that are available. Allston wasn't writing comic books, after all.
  • No new info in the Fact Files or the Who's Who. Still need to re-read the Gamer article, but I'll adjust accordingly once I've got it.
  • It's, uh, short. Very short. It'll only take you a little bit to read this article, so go ahead. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:11, 27 May 2008 (UTC)
  • If you need a copy of the Gamer article, let me know, Ataru. Greyman@wikia(Talk) 01:45, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Dude...shame on you for not using the Legendary Image of Horse Pilotness. Shame! Thefourdotelipsis 13:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Czulkang Lah

  • Nominated by: Harrar 15:22, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 05:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Enemy Lines is the best of the NJO books. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 14:41, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • I'm pretty sure Czulkang Lah was never stated to be in charge of the invasion of the Galaxy. (intro)
      • That was a cheeky inference due to his rank as warmaster. I am ashamed, and it is gone Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Might want to mention the Starlancer Project in the intro, because that's the reason Tsavong Lah demands a hasty assault.
      • See what you think
    • Checked Enemy Lines II and found that "the" is not typically used in front of Lusankya. Please revise as necessary. Same with Mon Mothma.
      • Feels weird, but it's gone.
        • I agree, but meh, it's policy.
    • Might want to link to the Goddess missile.
      • It is done (pipelink at the end of "Final engagement")
    • It might be worth it to note that Lah was compared to Garm bel Iblis, whom the Vong saw as the New Rep's pre-eminent tactician.
      • Put it in the P&T, it works quite nicely there.
    • Glad to see you're back and giving Czulkang Lah a new look. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:32, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Thanks, it's good to be back! I'll try my hand at Tsavong eventually...cheers for the review Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)


Comments

  • Maybe not when my browser is so mind-numbingly slow...Harrar 15:22, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
    • If you're using Internet Explorer, get rid of it. Use Firefox. Unless of course you're referring to your internet connection itself. —Xwing328(Talk) 05:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
      • I think it's Internet Explorer that's the problem, yeah - it was taking about half a minute to type yesterday. Thanks for the advice. Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  • I'm away until next Friday but I'll immediately address objections on my return. Thanks Harrar 14:07, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Atha Prime

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 03:03, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Boo sucks to this field. No one uses it. :P

(4 Inqs/0 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote --Eyrezer 11:28, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Lord Hydronium 02:27, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote I like the Shadowspawn connection. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:39, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Somehow I missed the huge cut template at the top of the article and thought this was all canon... —Xwing328(Talk) 05:17, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. Give some context on what the dark worlds mentioned in the intro are. Since there is apparently little info available, maybe just create a stub. This is a very nice job, Fourdot. Another unique idea from the man who brought us Mt. Sorrow and Burl Ives. Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:23, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Much as I'd love to, there really is no information on them. And this time I mean it. :P It's just a throwaway line in the Kenner description...and...yeah, I don't even know what the hell it's supposed to mean. And a stub would consist of "Dark worlds were...a group of worlds...that may or may not have been dark in some way." :P I think since this is cut content readers will probably let it slide, but I'll think about ways to perhaps make that work better. Thefourdotelipsis 14:33, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Toprawa:
    • Please disregard my comment below, I think I understand now where I was unclear. Since this is a canonical article, as I'm interpreting this, that is, it does contain elements of verifiable canon, I don't see a reason to include the OOU explanation in the intro. If this article was completely cut/non-canon material, that would be a different story. But he is canon, yes?
      • No, "Atha Prime" is certainly not canon at this stage, but the "genetics terrorist" inspired by him (and meant to be him, but that's beyond our limits) is. Everything in his bio is non-canon. In fact, it's lower than non-canon, since it wasn't even published in any form, really.
    • Please kill the red link in your sources/refs sections Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:16, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • This isn't your average fare ladies and gents, and as such, you'll notice that the intro is a touch on the unorthodox side. Well, that's because this article isn't so much about the would-be IU info, as it is the OOU development info...so that's my rationalization there. So, if you have reasons why it should not be treated differently, go ahead, but please don't just blindly apply established standards to this, because it just won't work. Thefourdotelipsis 03:03, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
  • From the cockpit of Xwing328 (No, these are not objections. I don't really have any.)
    1. I see no reason to keep the OOU info at the start of the Bts section, but if you insist on pushing our boundaries...
    2. Ok, you've got me here. Tarkin survived Yavin? I'd like to see an explanation on this (not in Atha's article of course) before I vote. —Xwing328(Talk) 04:13, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
      • It's sourced with a pertinent document. Basically, Kenner wanted to resurrect Tarkin and have him be the main Imperial villain in their new plotline. And failed. :P There's no real details on just how he survives Yavin, however. Just that he does. Thefourdotelipsis 07:03, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  • I guess I'm not fully understanding what's happening in this article. Part of it's cut content, I understand, but it also appears that he makes other, canonical appearances, which you seem to treat as such. So is this 100% non-canon? Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:53, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Hope 4dot doesn't mine me answering for him, but everything about Atha is cut. There's the unidentified genetic terrorist that Abel intended to be him, but since that particular connection was cut too it's being treated as a separate article. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Shadowspawn

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:06, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I'm certifiable! :D

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

Comments

  • Yes, I'll get the info when the book comes out. You have no idea how excited I am for his book. No. Idea. Also, if you're thinking "Hey, I just read this" if you just read Atha, well...my thoughts exactly. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 10:06, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

Jorj Car'das

  • Nominated by: Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:53, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Co-project with AdmirableAckbar.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

  • I'm a touch concerned by the fact that there's nothing cited to Galaxies here. I played the game briefly a few years ago and Car'das' faction was...well, everywhere in the opening levels...I could be mistaken, but I'm sure there's pertinent information to be found in that game. Apologies if I'm wrong, though. Thefourdotelipsis 01:08, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
    • Well, AFAIK, it's just his organization in the game, and not Car'das himself. Seeing as though he was in the Kathol Rift by the time of Galaxies and was not playing a part in the running of the organization, I doubt there's really anything to be added. I'll have a look around for anything, though. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 10:30, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
      • Oh, he wasn't running the organization. That explains it. And it'll teach me to maybe read the damn thing first. :P Thefourdotelipsis 14:15, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  1. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • The crew of the Bargain Hunter needs a smidgin of context in intro please.
    • "who believed that Quennto had as secret treasure hold". I almost changed this to "had a secret treasure hold", but I wasn't 100% sure that's what you were aiming for, just 95%.
    • I believe Progga's crew provoked the Chiss, but I could be wrong. Couldn't hurt to be a little more specific there.
    • "After being held for awhile, Thrawn spoke to them". Sorry, but there's a confusing antecedent for that first phrase and it's making a rather funny mental image.
    • No context given on the Geroons upon first mention.
    • "although Thrawn believed they were not good omens." That doesn't make a lot of sense to me in its context. Particularly since Thrawn isn't superstitious.
    • "staring down Kav until he ordered the droid to stand down."
    • The quotes in the Outbound Flight (novel) sections have very little to do with Car'das. Please remedy this.
      • That's because they are no good quotes. Would you recommend I remove them? I know we don't need quotes for all parts, I just prefer it that way. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:45, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
    • No context on Miskara.
      • Well, it mentioned the leader just words earlier, so I feel the reader could make an extrapolation. Nonetheless, changed. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:45, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Uh, Outbound Flight was not "utterly destroyed."
    • You're inconsistent between Outbound Flight and "the Outbound Flight". The former is preferred IIRC.
      • That's because one if referring to the ship and another to the project, the concept. I believe all the times it's talking about the ship is italicized. If you mean we alternate between using the, it's fixed. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:27, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
    • The assassination attempt on Thrawn by Kav is a bit too long considering it has very little to do with Car'das. If it does pertain to Car'das, his role needs to be more heavily expounded upon.
    • No link to Force healing or whatever it is?
      • I wouldn't say it's exactly a Force power, so no. We can discuss this though; on IRC or here. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:27, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Might be important to note that Car'das never actually heard the name Luke Skywalker from Yoda's mouth. The article implies otherwise.
    • Link to destruction of Caamas.
    • No context on Trey David
    • The Empire didn't actually ruin Emberlene. It was a group of mercs, but the article implies otherwise.
    • No context on Dean Jinzler. When I ask for a little context, a few words or a phrase is plenty. I don't need an exposition, just a basic understanding to serve as a lead-in.
      • Fixed.
    • A rather sloppy nom, Chack and Ackbar, at least coming from you. Did you guys forget to copyedit? Anyway, have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:21, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
      • We were kind of just tired of having it near-complete, but not quite done, and I suppose my copyedit was done in haste. I thought I put it through a spell-check but I guess not. Anyway, I was before this. JK. Thanks for the review. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:45, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Cane Adiss

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 08:04, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The Governor lady said "I'm sending in more trains!"

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:15, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. Following IRC based objections, arguements, and eventual realisation of wrongness. Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 10:23, 3 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the Secret Rebel Base of Chack Jadson:
    • Not sure if the part about the ship being able to contain his bulky body is needed.
      • Normally, no, but it is a plot point in this case, since few ships were actually able to do the job. And later on he has to try and buy one which is big enough for him and is more expensive and so on and so forth.
    • "...much to the disappointment his parental collective." A word is missing and some context on a prental collective might be needed. I think it would go better here than in the intro because it wouldn't interrupt the flow.
      • Added that missing word. As for the parental collective, there really isn't any more info on them, at least, not that I'm aware of.
    • "...a solid set of piloting skills." I don't like the way this is phrased.
      • Rephrased.
    • "...which is what greeted the smuggler..." I assume you meant which greeted.
      • Kinda. I've rephrased that again, but I'm not totally positive that the new wording works.
    • Nice work overall. This John Hazlett fellow created quite an interesting character. Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:05, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Bevel Lemelisk

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:04, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Paunchy Spiky-Haired Super Designer Maniac Racial Stereotypes Are Go!

(1 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote I love having 4dot on WP:NEGTC. :-) Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 23:59, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Does Galaxy Guide actually call him an architect? He seems to be more of a designer or engineer, so the label seems a bit inaccurate imho. Maybe I'm being too literal.
      • It does indeed.
    • "During a lapse worker "enthusiasm," Vader payed Tarkin and Lemelisk a visit." Several problems with this sentence. It doesn't seem to make much sense, and I believe the verb is "paid", unless I'm horribly wrong.
      • Gah. Yes it is. I've rejigged the sentence as well.
    • Should there be a link to Transfer essence in there?
      • Didn't even know that existed. It's in there now.
    • Other than those minor details, article looks good. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 22:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Beryl Chiffonage

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:05, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Graestan(Talk) 00:46, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. Stuff:
    • I'd like to see maybe two of the first three sections merged; they all seem a bit short.
      • Merged the second and third.
    • The development of Rogue Doctrine (or at least the parts relevant to Credal) should come before Credal's disapearance in the bio, in order to avoid confusion.
      • Reordered.
    • Since pretty much anything can from Alliance Intelligence Reports can be used as quotes, a few quotes in the bio/P&T would be greatly appreciated.
      • Added quote to the P&T. If you have any other quote suggestions you'd like to see, please let me know. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:55, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Lastly, perhaps an image of an AT-AT being downed for the "Battle of Hoth" section?
      • You read my mind. I wanted to show the exact same thing. I'll see what I can do. If anyone wants to grab an image, cool. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:24, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
      • Nice work. Bland character. :-P -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:47, 1 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • There is only one available image for this guy, from Who's Who in Echo Base in Insider 74. If anyone can grab that image for this article, that would be great. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:53, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Done. (Although it ain't exactly pretty.) -- Ozzel 07:15, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
      • It'd probably be good to also find him in the film itself, and put a screencap of that in there, to serve as confirmation as well as illustration. Thefourdotelipsis 08:08, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
        • The only real image of him is a tiny appearance over Rieekan's shoulder, which is where this infobox pic comes from, zoomed in on him. I don't know how well it would work. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:21, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Paltr Carvin

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 11:59, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: He's got gloves!

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Greyman@wikia(Talk) 00:58, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:23, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. Image:Tribunemeeting.JPG and Image:Paltrcarvinfate.JPG could benefit from re-scans. --Imperialles 12:36, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Oh sure, 4dot, let it sound like his idea. :-p Anyway, did the first one, but the latter's a no-can-do, as her face goes into the spine. -- Ozzel 23:15, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  2. Stuff:
    • I think a bit about the situation immediately post-Endor merits inclusion. Okay, I know we don't explicitly know that Carvin was on the council before Mandatory Retirement, but a mention of how Isard became the middle (wo)man between the Council and Pestage, probably as well as Palpatine's death, carefully worded, would IMHO really improve the opening paragraph.
      • I have mentioned Palpatine's death there already, but what kind of detail are you looking for here? Just a brief mention of Isard's role post-Endor?
        • I added a little bit myself. Feel free to alter or remove it if you don't like it. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:23, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
          • Ooh, yes, I like that. Good stuff, thanks. Thefourdotelipsis 11:35, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
    • I'm no expert in this, but some sections seem at least a little play-by-play. A few things like "Isard calmly said that she understood" seem a bit over-detailed. See if you can cut it down wherever prudent.
      • I've removed that sentence altogether, but a lot of it is important, since it's a matter of who rules the galaxy. If you have any other specific examples, I'll see what I can do about them. Thefourdotelipsis 00:31, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Perhaps the image of Carvin on his knees would be a better replacement for the image in "Fall." There's something odd-looking about that one.
  3. Has an unsourced succession box down the bottom. --Eyrezer 05:35, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Gah, someone added that while I wasn't looking. Removed. Thefourdotelipsis 05:57, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
  4. From the Command Bridge of Director Thrawn.
    • No details of what Isard's proof actually was.
      • Added
    • No details with how Pestage specifically came to be deposed.
      • Well, he flees, they take control. The specifics of it end up delving into Isard's machinations, and that's too far removed from Carvin's story.
        • Makes no mention of him actually escaping Imperial Center to Ciutric, nor does it specifically list what he and the rest of the Tribune tell her she specifically has to do on Imperial Center as opposed to going to Ciutric.
    • Needs some more elaboration with Isard's meetings with the Tribunal, not much but some.
      • It's as elaborated as can be. If I went any further with it, it would turn into a play-by-play.
      • I suppose I should have been more specific: Isard's actions with the Ciutric debacle, and the Tribune's reaction needs just a little more. It seems a little thin to me.
    • If the IRC is part of the Empire, why is it listed as separate in the infobox.
      • It's not, it's staggered under the Empire's listing. Thefourdotelipsis 13:13, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
    • More details on Carvin and the Tribune's specific feelings toward Isard's interferrance.
    • Other than that I suppose it looks good.--Mitth'raw'nuruodo(Imperial HoloNet)Imperial Emblem 12:33, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Keleman Ciro

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

  1. From Greyman:
    • You have two {{1st}} templates in the Appearances/Sources sections. I completely understand why you have it that way, due to the nature of the short story and whatnot, but I'd suggest removing the tag from the The DarkStryder Campaign in the Sources, and just leaving the tag alone that is on The Saga Begins.
      • Removed as per suggestion.
    • Your succession box at the very bottom of the article needs to be sourced. Names, dates, etc.
      • D'oh! Sourced.
    • In the BtS you say "Although much of the campaign…" Is that in reference to The DarkStryder Campaign? Or the entire RPG campaign (including the other Darkstryder adventures, etc.)? Could you rewrite that part to make it clear for the reader, if possible? Thanks.
      • I meant the entire campaign, but it is unclear. Reworded.
    • Other than those few things, the article is well done. Greyman@wikia(Talk) 20:47, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
  2. This is minor, but throughout the article, you've got double-spacing. Can you change these to single spacing? :)
    • My bad - I'm so used to writing in double spacing. Fixed.
  3. Also it appears we can narrow his birth year down to a small range. Can you add it to the infobox similar to how it is handled in Jonas Stern? --Eyrezer 22:55, 1 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Done - I've given it an age range of five years unless you think this could be brought down further? - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 07:52, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
      • That looks fine. --Eyrezer 04:59, 3 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Adas

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 12:50, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Say when...

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Good work. Fits in well with the rest of WP:TOTJ's articles. Glad to have you as guest writer. Graestan(Talk) 17:05, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

Comments

Bodo Baas

  • Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 09:14, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

  1. You use the phrase "millions of data" at one point. I believe something is missing from there. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:23, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
    • That was Borsk who added that, but "data" is plural, so I believe it's a grammatical construction. - Lord Hydronium 22:58, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

  • I can't find who voiced him in the audio drama. If anyone knows, that would be a great help. - Lord Hydronium 09:15, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
  • I think there was another discrepancy in the EGtC that claimed the Bodo Baas holocron and the Vodo-Siosk Baas holocron were separate and that one survived Dark Empire. You could/should probably add this in to the BTS. --Eyrezer 11:34, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Gantoris

  • Nominated by: Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 19:48, 4 June 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Yes, at long last I have written another thing I feel worthy of FAN. My thanks to 4dot, Tommy and Jaymach for the sourcing.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

  1. I think I was the one that did it, but that infobox image really needs work. There is also a quote in the body of the text that should be removed or moved to a header. Also you need to source the infobox. --Eyrezer 03:09, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
    • Quote altered. I knew I'd forgotten something but just couldn't see it for some reason, and the infobox sourcing was it. Thanks! As for the image, I've asked for a litle assistance below, since my image skills are, shall we say, non-existant? Darth Xadún(Consult the Holocron) 07:26, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

First Battle of Onderon (Naddist Uprising)

  • Nomination comments: Another one of my cellphone butters...

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

Comments

  • May be a little rough (my mind & talents have been elsewhere), but it shouldn't be anything that can't be easily remedied.—Tommy(There are no Jedi here) 14:42, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Kai Justiss

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 10:40, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: (toots horn loudly)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Oppose

    • Ackbar says:
      • "The Count insisted that he was no monster hell bent on the destruction of the Jedi." -- This looks a bit informal, and doesn't read well, IMHO.
      • "The name was coined by Corroney and Justiss." -- The world just imploded. :-P I would've fixed it myself, but I'm not sure who "Justiss" is meant to be.
        • Good work. Interesting character, interesting article. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 11:59, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments

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