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Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

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This page is for Featured article nominations. A Featured article is an article that is of complete quality and represents the best a Wookieepedia article can be. It is for fully fleshed out subjects that go beyond the limited content of Good and Comprehensive articles. On this page, users can nominate articles that they believe are ready to be reviewed to achieve Featured status.

The article-nomination process is not a way to showcase your favorite articles, but rather articles that are of high quality. Articles placed on this page will be extensively reviewed by experienced editors, including the presiding Inquisitorius review panel. The nomination process will require the article nominator to respond to objections and improve the article until the requisite number of users supports the nomination.

In undertaking a nomination on this page, the nominator is taking responsibility for their nominated article. This means they need to thoroughly read the following instructions, implement them into their nominated article, and respond to given objections. Nominators are encouraged to ask more experienced editors for guidance and assistance, but self-sufficiency is a requirement of the article-nomination process. It is not inherently the job of reviewers to rewrite elements of an article, but rather to guide nominators to be able to fix issues themselves.

Your nomination is your responsibility. Nominations that severely neglect the following rules or otherwise fall idle after two weeks will be subject to immediate removal.

READ THIS FIRST!

A Featured article must…

  1. …be well-written and comprehensively detailed.
  2. …be unbiased, with a neutral point of view.
  3. …have comprehensive Appearances and Sources lists.
  4. …be fully referenced, including all quotes and images. See Wookieepedia:Sourcing for more information.
  5. …follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
  6. …be stable during and following the review process. This means the article does not change significantly from day to day with new content and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism or other administrative edits, such as page protection.
  7. …not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
  8. …have no redlinks.
  9. …provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article is preferred but not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section or subsection.
  10. …include a "Behind the scenes" section for in-universe articles.
  11. …include a reasonable number of images of the highest quality to illustrate the article, as source availability permits.
  12. …provide an introduction that gives a good summary of the topic.
  13. …be at least 1000 words long. This word total counts the introduction, the article body, and "Behind the scenes" material, but not captions, quotes, headers, etc. For clarification, please refer to this flowchart.
  14. …be properly titled in accordance with Wookieepedia's treatment of Canon and Legends articles; i.e., no nomination may have "/Canon" in the title.
  15. …be nominated by a user who has promoted at least one article to Good article status. Exceptions can be made for a Good article nomination that, due to objections post-nomination, has gone over the Good article word limit, so long as the number of words added during the Good article nomination process is 250 or fewer.

How to nominate:

  1. Select an article you feel is worthy of Featured status. Nominated articles must meet all fifteen requirements stated above.
  2. Add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating, and save the page. Please note that if the article you are nominating has been nominated for Featured article status previously, you will need to specify the number of the nomination as a parameter (e.g. {{FAnom|second}}).
  3. Open the redlink in a new tab to create the nomination page, modifying the preloaded instructions as necessary.
  4. Copy the code provided to the bottom of this page.
  5. Purge the article to update the template.
  6. Other users will object to the nomination with issues and suggested improvements (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources, etc).
  7. The nominator should then adjust the article until the objections are satisfied. The objector is responsible for striking their objection when it has been addressed, not the nominator. Additionally, reviewers will often copy-edit the article themselves as desired to fix any issues.
  8. Following their review, other users will vote to support the nomination. Users may not vote on their own nomination.
  9. Each user (except for members of the Inquisitorius) shall be limited to four active Featured article nominations at any given time. Any additional nominations will be subject to immediate removal.
  10. Users must successfully complete one Featured article nomination before they can have two nominations active on the FAN page at one time. Likewise, users must complete two successful FA nominations before they can have three, and three successful FA nominations before they can have four.

How to review:

  1. To review an article, users should read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
  2. The article should be reviewed with the criteria listed above, and any issues should be placed under the Object section of the article's nomination page. Objections should be clearly explained, and detail how the article can be improved.
  3. Objections should then be addressed by the nominator. Once the objector is satisfied, they should strike their objection. The nominator should not strike reviewers' objections for them.
  4. Once a reviewer is satisfied with the article, they can vote to support it. Please note that in order to support a nomination, you must have 50 mainspace edits.

Result:

  1. If a nomination has been active for over two days and has no active objections, it may pass with a total of either five Inquisitorius votes, four Inquisitorius and two user votes, or three Inquisitorius and four user votes.
  2. Once the nomination is successful, the article will be considered a "Featured article." As such, an Inquisitorius member will archive the nomination using JocastaBot in Wookieepedia's Discord server and place the article on the Featured articles page. Only members of the Inquisitorius are allowed to perform these archiving tasks.
All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to immediate removal by Inquisitorius vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 2 weeks.


FeaturedIcon

The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must…

  1. …be well-written and detailed.
  2. …be unbiased, non-point of view.
  3. …be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
  4. …follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
  5. …following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
  6. …not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
  7. …have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
  8. …have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
  9. …have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
  10. …not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
  11. …be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Wookieepedia:Sourcing for more information.
  12. …have all quotes and images sourced.
  13. …provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
  14. …include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
  15. …include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
  16. …include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
  17. …pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
  18. …counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:

  1. First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
  2. Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
  3. Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
  4. The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
  5. Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
  6. Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

  1. Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
  2. Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
  3. Please note that in order for your vote to count, you must have 50 mainspace edits.
    1. If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
  4. As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
  5. Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
  6. Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Also remember to add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the {{Featured}} template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the {{Featured article}} template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.


Featured article nominations

Lando Calrissian

(2 Inqs/9 Users/11 Total)

Support

  1. As co-nominator. Greyman(Talk) 20:45, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Objections will be fixed soon as sources are checked by several users, including myself. Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:29, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Imperialles 23:56, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
  4. This article is supported by Mecenarylord on 23:12, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
    Inqvote CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:30, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
  5. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 11:34, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
  6. JangFett Talk 00:11, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
  7. —The Flash Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay! 01:59, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
  8. Whoa. Nice work. –Victor Sienar (talk page) 03:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
    Awesome this will win for sure.Wesker432 09:33, 14 June 2009 (UTC) (Vote struck per policy)
  9. --Darth tom Imperial Emblem (Imperial Intelligence) 16:37, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
  10. He's too smooth!--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
  11. Thanks for the good read. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:57, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

I dare object to Lando

  1. Thefourdotelipsis:
  2. Lord Hydronium:
    • Ditto Galaxy Guide 2: Yavin and Bespin. - Lord Hydronium 03:10, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
      • I've went ahead and added a sentence or two of some background information for this objection. I looked over my copy of the source again and couldn't see anything new beyond the sentences I just added. Is there something specific you're thinking of that I could work in? Greyman(Talk) 13:51, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
    • The mentions of Ymile are rather confusingly arranged. There's a picture of her near where Lando wins the bet with Raynor, but no reference to her in the text, then much later in the article it mentions she helped Lando win. That second part should be noted and clarified at the time it actually occurs; also, she should be linked there, since she isn't at the moment. - Lord Hydronium 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • Succession box should include Treece; Action Tidings and the Cloud City Databank entry both say he was the Administrator of Cloud City. - Lord Hydronium 00:41, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
      • Fixed the Ymile bits and buffed Lady Luck overall. Also, adjusted succession box, reffed from the actual Marvel comics though. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:15, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • Information missing on how Lando got back Cloud City, from The New Essential Guide to Characters. Geonosis and the Outer Rim Worlds not in; amongst the things to add is a bit in there about how Lando raised Tibanna profits that's also in the NEC. - Lord Hydronium 07:29, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
      • The Tibanna profits bit is already in there, just referenced from another source. The Cloud City re-taking has been added. Still working on GATOW. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
        • Two tidbits from GATORW added. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:41, 11 December 2008 (UTC)
          • Added it to the "Sources" list as well. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
        • Oh, I see; I was searching for "percent". - Lord Hydronium 19:52, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • More NEGTC tidbits: Lando giving control of Cloud City to the Ugnaughts after Zorba cedes it. Lando refusing to go to Chewbacca's funeral out of guilt. From GG3: Lobot convinced Lando to help Leia and the group. - Lord Hydronium 07:45, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • More missing sources: Rebellion Era Sourcebook, Roleplaying Game Revised Core Rulebook, Roleplaying Game: Saga Edition Core Rulebook, Dark Empire Sourcebook, The Truce at Bakura Sourcebook, Han Solo and the Corporate Sector Sourcebook (I just spotted a small mention, but there could be more), Heir to the Empire Sourcebook, The Last Command Sourcebook, and Star Wars Trilogy Sourcebook - Special Edition. For now. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
      • Rebellion Era Sourcebook is listed now, but it needs information from it. There's some on Page 111, for a start. - Lord Hydronium 07:01, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
        • The info on that page was already in the article. Could you tell me what specifically you are referring to? And the rest of the sourcebooks have been checked and added. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:18, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
    • I had a whole thing for here before, a giant list of every piece of information I could find from these sources that was missing. Then my text editor crashed, so here's a much more general list. The Cloud City section from the RESB has information on Lando's neutrality. The RCR talks about him getting his fortunes and smuggling arms to the Rebellion. DESB needs a ton of information from it. Read the whole thing. Lando's section, Wedge's section, an inset in the Coruscant section, and the Star Destroyer section have major information missing from the article—everything up to Lando crashing on Coruscant is missing. The sourcebooks for HTTE and Dark Force Rising have important information in their Lando sections, as well as the Nkllon section of the former and Lady Luck section of the latter. Dark Force Rising overall needs major expansion. It barely touches on their capture by Garm, the entire search for the fleet, and the battle for the Katana. The first paragraph if the SOTE section is extremely vague and needs expanding; nothing is said about how Rendar is guiding them or how he abandons them, or where the Imperial forces come from.

      My recommendation would be to withdraw the nom for now. It's missing too much major information from too many major sources. Dark Empire Sourcebook alone is a huge chunk not included, and with all that's been found, I frankly don't trust that this article is near complete. My advice would be to remove it, to read or reread all the sources thoroughly, rework the article, and then renom it when it's in a more complete state. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
      • Major buffs to SOTE and DFR completed. Will go through the other TTT-related sourcebooks soon. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
        • Major buffs to HTTE Sourcebook completed, minor buff to Rebellion Era Sourcebook. If you want more information from that source, I'll need a page number, because I just read through the entire thing and found a whopping one sentence of minor information. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:11, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
    • {{Mo}} for The Truce at Bakura, but it contains unique information to add. - Lord Hydronium 23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
    • In addition to the above, the following appearances and mentions are missing: Out of the Closet: The Assassin's Tale, Darksaber, Force Heretic I: Remnant, Therefore I Am: The Tale of IG-88, Payback: The Tale of Dengar, The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett, X-wing: Rogue Squadron, X-wing: Wedge's Gamble, X-wing: Wraith Squadron, Young Jedi Knights: Heirs of the Force, Young Jedi Knights: The Lost Ones, Young Jedi Knights: Lightsabers, Young Jedi Knights: Darkest Knight, Young Jedi Knights: Shards of Alderaan, Young Jedi Knights: Jedi Bounty, and Young Jedi Knights: The Emperor's Plague. - Lord Hydronium 01:17, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
      • Chack and I have addressed these. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:44, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
        • Force Heretic I has a bit about Lando from Jaina's childhood. Find text-searchable versions of these (ask on IRC if you need a source) and search through them for "Lando" or "Calrissian", please, because if the article's missing information from one, there's a chance it's missing from the others. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
          • No, no. You see, I did find that information when I went through and used text-searchable versions of these the first time. I just decided that particular tidbit was too anecdotal for inclusion in an encyclopedia article. However, if you're set on seeing "Calrissian also taught Jaina Solo to enjoy altha protein drinks during her childhood" in the article, I will add it, despite how trivial it seems. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:17, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
            • By itself that tidbit might be too anecdotal, but I think the fact that Lando had more interaction with Jaina in her youth than just going on a mission with her is worth something. - Lord Hydronium 19:08, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
              • After our discussion in IRC, I did a little more YJK research and added a paragraph about their interactions in general. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:58, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Almost forgot: None of the movie novelizations or radio dramas are included. - Lord Hydronium 01:19, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
      • This particular objection has been addressed, along with adding a number of other ESB and ROTJ-related appearances. I've checked both novelizations and will check with Tope to make sure there's no new info in the radio dramas. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:19, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
      • Han will have these objections down! We've gotta give them more time! (In all seriousness, we are working on these). Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:40, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
    • Sorry, haven't checked those yet, but another: Galaxywide NewsNets from Adventure Journal 14. "Calrissian Resurfaces as Baron Administrator". - Lord Hydronium 06:36, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
    • Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, page 13, bottom left. - Lord Hydronium 05:02, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Galaxywide NewsNets in Adventure Journal 5 has another article with Lando info, "Smugglers' Roster: Random Rumors". - Lord Hydronium 01:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. Gah, redlinks in source list, mine Databank and Wizards. Those first two totally slipped me mind. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:19, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
    • Red links busted. Greyman(Talk) 16:56, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
    • Databank has been mined and source list updated. Greyman(Talk) 15:32, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
  4. Infobox not fully/correctly sourced. Graestan(Talk) 04:24, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
    • I think I got the missing reference. If you desire other sourcing, please let me know. ;-) Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:22, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
  5. I'd like to take Yrf's comment below and turn it into an actual objection; for instance, I know there are quotes to be had by or about Lando and/or what he was up to at the time for the LCA, TTT, and BFC. Ideally, since the sections are so long, each should probably have a quote. Graestan(Talk) 13:48, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
    • All sections now have quotes except three tiny sections in the "Non-canon appearances" section in the BtS since quotes do not exist for those parts. Greyman(Talk) 16:32, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
      • Hope you found at least one funny one from LCA. ;) Graestan(Talk) 23:12, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
  6. File:Lando91.jpg, File:LanLukVil.jpg, File:Weaklando.jpg, File:Lando&Luke Marvel71.jpg and File:Lando&Han captive.jpg could all do with a re-scan. Other than that, excellent work, and about time! :) --Imperialles 13:08, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
    • All done. I was bored and Ataru mentioned it at the right time. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 00:16, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
  7. Image placement is irrelevant to the text in a number of locations. SinisterSamurai 07:32, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
    • I've moved a few things around. As it stands, there are two images that aren't directly pertinent to the sections they are in: the Caamas Document crisis section, and in the Kessel investment sections, where we used generic Lando images to fill gaps that would have left lots of text with no complimentary images. As it is, there's a good balance of images to compliment the text, but by removing those, the article's appearance would suffer accordingly. And there is article precedent for using generic images to fill "gaps". If there were more relevant images that could be substituted in, just point me in their direction and I'll gladly change it, but for now, it should stay as it is. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:03, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
      • Looks good.
  8. Needs info from Star Wars: Power of the Jedi. Thefourdotelipsis 08:54, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
  9. Eyrezer:
    • It currently lacks info from Agents of Deception. The story outline can be found here and while suitably vague, should be added in. There are some clues to placement too. --Eyrezer 06:34, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Interesting. I'll add this, but I'm having some trouble on the dating. Obviously, it's during the GCW, but while it describes Calrissian as the newly appointed Baron Administrator and it's pre-4 ABY due to Jabba's existence, I'm having a hard time reconciling the fact that he wasn't a Rebel. Am I correct in thinking this should go after "Revenge attempts"? Just seems weird. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:55, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
        • It is a bit of a mess, and I'd be tempted to throw some tags around it, too. I don't see anything that requires Jabba to be in it though. That could be any other Hutt. I've asked Mauser for a clarification if there is anything else related to a plot in the game. At the moment, at the end of Revenge attempts seems about the right place to me too. By the way, have we ever heard about Lando's original fallout with Nandreeson? As a positive addition to continuity, this could be it - although of course not canonised as such here. --Eyrezer 01:33, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
          • It's mentioned in TNR and NEC, but not specifically shown IU. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:04, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
            • Okay, did some digging. This can't be the original fallout with Nandreeson, since that was before Calrissian became the Baron Administrator. Hopefully, Calrissian won't end up on Smuggler's Run during this little adventure, or else canon will be broken by Galaxies yet again. I added it into the middle of the Life as Baron Administrator section rather than Revenge attempts—it seemed to fit better there. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:46, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
              • Great. There is apparently more information available on this in the game itself. Craven is currently trying to unlock this at the moment, so I will leave this objection live at the moment. --Eyrezer 05:11, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
                • OK, I didn't have much time in the last few days, but I finally managed to beat all scenarios in both campaigns. It's a nice story with familiar characters like BoShek and Blackhole. But unfortunately, it breaks canon in at least two instances. Lando indeed returns to Smuggler's Run to retrieve the ryll shipment. And what's almost worse is that he works and fights alongside Han and Chewie. And this happens shortly after he became administrator of Cloud City. I haven't read all that's written about Han's and Lando's relationship, but I just can't imagine that they would work together between the events of Underworld: The Yavin Vassilika and EP5. And Lando seems to have close ties to the Alliance, as he sends Wedge to help the player character. Maybe Lando worked with the Alliance to return the ryll shipment because he had sold the ryll to the Alliance and wanted to get his payment? But that's just speculation, of course. I took screenshots and uploaded all the texts and important cards here (there are sub-albums for the indiviual campaigns and scenarios, linked on the left side of the page) The two campaigns (light and dark side) are intertwined. IMO the final Dark side scenario takes place after the last Light side scenario - so the light side player beats Blackhole, then Lando, Han and Chewie arrive at Skip 52 to retrieve the ryll and then the dark side player character shows up and defeats them in a firefight. --Craven 18:23, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
                  • Thanks for the information! I've tried to write it all out on my scratchpad, but there are some serious problems. For one, as you've said, the canonicity of this thing should be 0. The other is that I can't tell if the dark side campaign is non-canon or not. I tried to write it in such a way that both could work, but I dunno. Some official confirmation (Leland maybe?) would be good on this. I'm hoping this is non-canon, though. Ew. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:49, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
    • At some point you should go through and ensure you have consistency on whether the article uses "s's" or just " s' ".
      • Any particular words that are inconsistent? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:04, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I just noticed that sometimes the plurals have the extra s and sometimes they do not. While it's possible it's done intensionally, I think our general policy is to have it consistent, one way or the other throughout the article. --Eyrezer 21:07, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
  10. Toprawa:
    • I realize I promised you the ESB RD script notes, but until that time, here's the objection for their missing info.
    • Also, you're missing info from the ROTJ radio drama/script.
      • Can you be a little more specific about which parts? I gave it a listen when Hydro made his initial ESB objection, and while I don't have the script, I did add info from the radio drama. Was there something in particular you were looking for? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 22:32, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
        • Sure. I'm in the process of listening to it now for my article purposes, so I might add to this, but two things that strike me as pertinent are the scene in which he first approaches Leia in Jabba's palace to reveal himself, meaning that not everyone in the Save Han group knew how he had gotten in and where he was; and secondly the scene in which they first leave Tatooine, they're forced escape past an Imperial blockade. Lando just sits in the Falcon's cockpit and doesn't do anything but talk, but a mention would be appropriate, I feel. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
        • While en route to the Rebel fleet from Tatooine, Lando and the group help sooth Threepio's hurt feelings about not being privy to the specifics of the rescue Han plan. They talk about Corellian Overdrive, and Lando goes on to fix Threepio's damaged photoreceptor. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:46, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
        • There's actually a lot more to that scene. Han and Lando talk about how the Falcon was in Lando's possession during Han's carbonite days, etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
          • ROTJ radio drama has been located, listened to, and the article updated appropriately. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Including "TCG: Return of the Jedi" and "The Empire Strikes Back (TCG)" in the Source list just isn't good enough, I'm afraid. Moreover, I see only a single CCG card in that entire Source list, which tells me you haven't really scoured these cards for new information. You'd be surprised to find some new tidbits here and there. I realize there are probably dozens upon dozens of cards with Lando info on them, but if you're going to include one, you need to include them all. Yes, I know it sucks, and it's hard work, but this is an FA. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:20, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
      • "if you're going to include one, you need to include them all." Does this mean I just get away with removing that one? :-P ^_^ (lol, jk). No, in all seriousness, you're absolutely right. I've done all the CCG cards, and I'll let you know when I get the radio stuff and TCG ones added in. I'm going to be kind of busy until the end of the week due to RL though. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:40, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
        • 5 and a half dozen TCG and CCG cards added to source list? Is that better? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:01, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
  11. QuiGon:
    • No info from The Gambler's Quest.
    • Some things are missing in the appearances list. Mighty Chronicles adaptations, Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back Mobile, Super Star Wars series, etc. QuiGonJinnBe mindful of the Living Force...Quigonheadshot 17:54, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
    • More missing info from N.R.I. Reports. Small tidbits about Lando requesting aid from the Senate. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 19:30, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Are you sure that the "Black Sun coup" section should go between the Marvel stories? It would make much more sense to place it after the Nagai-Tof war. All Marvel stories are linked to each other pretty tight and there is no gap in the plot for SotE: Evolution to take place. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 20:53, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
      • After some research, I've seen no reason to leave the layout as is, and the Black Sun coup is now placed after the Marvel sections. Seems to make more sense that way. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:56, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
    • "The Mindharp of Sharu" section. Context on Jabba.
    • Also, context needed on Darth Vader and Luke upon first mentions in the "Trap at Cloud City"" section.
    • Explain what was so important in Luke that Vader set a trap for him.
    • Same section."Especially after the disappearance of C-3PO" Provide some context on what really happened to him. Then mention somewhere in this section that 3PO was recovered, because as it is now, it left me under the impression that the droid was still missing when Lando and the others left Bespin.
    • Same section again. "in pursuit of the Millennium Falcon and its Rebel crew". Mention that it was Han who has joined the Rebels, because it can be interpreted as if some unknown Rebels have acquired the ship.
    • Mention that Lando flirted with Leia and/or add it to the relationships.
      • All of QuiGon's objections up through this have been fixed. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • The "Skywalker's affliction" section. Context on Domina Tagge.
    • Same section. "which Darth Vader had falsely accused Luke of being responsible for". Rephrase. Yes, Vader did falsely accuse Luke the first time, but then Skywalker killed Tagge for real in issue 37, even if he did it by accident.
    • "Finding Argo and Vanis" section. Last sentence: "but were apparently unable to find anything." Unsourced.
    • Same section. Context on the second Death Star.
    • Linking problems. Jabba is linked in both "The Mindharp of Sharu" and "Mission to Blimph 3" sections, while the second Death Star is not linked at all upon the first mention in "Finding Argo and Vanis", but is instead linked in "The Battle of Endor"; and the link is that of the Death Star in general instead of Death Star II. Check other links.
    • "Near-death experience on Godo". Context on Bey.
    • Mention that Lumiya changed sides and allied herself with Tofs. And that she was shot on Saijo.
    • Stay tuned. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 21:01, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nomad City". Context on Ecclessis Figg, ysalamiri. Also, why Thrawn needed the ysalamiri?
    • "Karrde hid the two former generals" Next sentence:"As such, the two former generals". Repetitive, rephrase.
    • "Karrde knew that was where Skywalker, who had escaped from his custody, and his pursuer, a woman named Mara Jade, would flee to, and that the Empire would find them and realize that Karrde had not turned over Skywalker to them." Maybe it's just me, but this sentence seems weird.
      • I've finally understood what this sentence says and I think I had some difficulty with it because of the missing "that". I've added it myself.
    • "After trekking through kilometers of forest, fending off predators, the party received when some Noghri commandos". Received what?
      • Everything from "Nomad City" down to here has been fixed. Although, Figg was already contextified. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
        • I'm sorry, but I haven't seen any context. You didn't say who Figg was. I've added it myself, just to show you what I wanted in the first place. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 11:45, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
          • I figured that saying that Figg was the one who first built Cloud City was sufficient context, but I have no problems with your change. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:56, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • "Palpatine reborn": "Unbeknownst to Calrissian, Skywalker had fallen to the dark side of the Force, and was in fact commanding the Imperial fleet". Mention that prior to that, he gave the codes to Artoo.
    • Same section. Mention that Skywalker was redeemed after all.
      • I think Chack fixed these a couple days ago when he reworked that section. :-) Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:37, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Run-in with the Imperial Remnant" Context on Reelo Baruk.
    • After the events of Jedi Outcast that happened in 12 ABY you mention the events of Planet of Twilight as happening the same year, yet the latter is placed here on Wook in 13 ABY. I don't know if it is really a mistake, because I haven't read the book.
    • "Tag and Bink". Context on Tag.
    • I guess that's all. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 11:57, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
    • One more thing. Is there nothing to add from Ord Vaxal: Prison Planet of the Empire? QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 14:19, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
      • According to Jaymach via IRC, he's only pictured in it. I've tagged the source appropriately. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
  12. From Ataru
      • I'm aware that there are redlink problems and image arrangements. I will fix those once Eyre's and Hydro's objections regarding content are satisfied. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
  13. Jinzler
    • The Star Wars Annual 2009 reveals that Lando made a few message recordings that were stored in R2-D2. He made one aboard the Falcon, telling the events of ESB up to his departure from Bespin. He recorded another two messages while on Endor, about the battle there --Jinzler 12:39, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
  14. You need way more context for the events surrounding the Second Galactic Civil War. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 20:15, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
    • I've added more context to it. Let me know if that's good enough, or if you want more. Since Calrissian was only peripherally involved for the most part, I didn't want to go too deep into it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:56, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
      • No, that's exactly the kind of context I was looking for. I'm striking the objection, although I will sucggest a rewording of "Calrissian remained with his expecting wife through the remainder of the war, which resulted in the death of Jacen Solo at the hands of the Jedi Order." just because it sounds a little like Lando being with his wife resulted in Jacen's death.Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:49, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
  15. I don't know the specific plot details of it, but Lando features in the story mode of Agents of Deception, which says something in it's article about him leading a team of Rebels to find a missing shipment of ryll --Jinzler 12:24, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Addressed per Eyre's objection above. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:46, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
      • Sorry, I didn't see that --Jinzler 22:22, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
  16. Missing some info from Star Wars: Chewbacca 3 (I think). Specifically, the encounter with the unidentified Moff and the small fact there that Lando wore silk. I can't actually find any reference to either in other articles so whether it is a Tales-esque level of canon or not is my guess. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:47, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
    • Whoops, I missed seeing this objection earlier. I've acquired the source and will update the article later today. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • Fixed. It's canon via one of the Essential Guides, I remember reading about it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:14, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Not a formal objection, but there's space for a lot more quotes in the article. Yrfeloran 04:13, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
  • Who portrayed Lando in Dark Forces: Soldier for the Empire audio drama? Mauser 13:48, 1 February 2009 (UTC)
  • I'm voting for it!!!!!!!!
  • Will give a full Outcast update as soon as I can. I'll busy through the weekend and Monday, though, but next week, I hope to get that and some more of the sourcebooks done. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:06, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
  • I apologize for the confusion, but when I voted months ago it wasn't because I had read it; it was just because I wanted to see it featured. If I do review it, I'll vote, but not for now. CC7567 (talk) 18:16, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Darth Malak

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:05, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Hope it passes, nomed for FA per suggestion.

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Yup, it's good enough for me.--Kreivi Wolter 08:22, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. LordDeathRay (My Sith Holocron) 01:25, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. --Darth Jadious 13:48, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Bout time this thing got moving, methinks
    • Please clarify in the intro what you mean by "known Republic space." It's not very clear.
      • I think it's good, try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please check your linking throughout the intro. It seems that there's underlinking as far as events. Also, it appears that Malak's own flagship requires an article stub; please link and create one.
      • Malak's flagship is complete, I'll check for more links as the review goes on…--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Watch underlinking throughout the article article. A lot of articles weren't linked. Furthermore, throughout the body, please check underlinking both in general and specifically for events.
      • Same as above.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Since there's an ongoing objection for this below, I'll strike these. CC7567 (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please try to reword the third paragraph in "Recruiting for the Revanchists." There's a lack of flow with "His reaction was this," "he did that," and it's rather play-by-play.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Please try to shorten it a bit more. Also, the verb tense in "Alek reminded Carrick that the threat of the Sith was over decades ago" isn't working. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please shorten the fourth paragraph or rewrite it so that it's more related to Malak.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Still remains. Please shorten it more unless you believe that every single detail currently there is absolutely necessary to the reader's understanding of Malak. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I think I shortened it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Demagol came to take her, he volunteered himself to be studied in her place and insisted that he had some abilities that Demagol had yet to discover." I'm not sure who the indirect pronouns are referring to. This is also something to check for when you go through the article.
    • Please cut down on your dash usage. There are many places where commas would suffice.
      • OK, have to admit, I am a little emdash happy. Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I'm striking this for now, but I will be checking it in following reviews. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I would recommend spacing images better; particularly, the two in the short "Against the Jedi Covenant" don't balance with the previous, lengthy section that contains only one.
    • "When Adasca asked Alek if he should entrust the exogorths to the Jedi, Alek stated that it was not a bad idea, which shocked Jarael. He then told Jarael that the Revanchists saw heartache and chaos in the years to come, stating that as the reason why Revan sent him to the meeting." I have no idea who you refer to when you're saying "he" and "him".
    • "He then deactivated the weapon, allowing the discussion to continue, and also expressed disbelief that Mandalore would offer Adasca a powerful position in the Mandalorian war effort in exchange for the device controlling the exogorths, as well as Admiral Karath for offering Republic territory for the device." Same as above. Also, the "as well as" does not make sense.
    • "Alek was shocked that Draay would deny them passage just to get to Carrick, but the arrival of the Moomo Williwaw, the starship of the Ithorian bounty hunters Dob and Del Moomo, intervened." The "intervened" does not make sense, especially since it's used as a verb in relation to "arrival".
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • "Arrival...crashed into the Legacy": this still does not make sense; "arrival" is not a subject that can crash or even move, for that matter. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Overall, please check for awkward wording and choppiness throughout the article.
    • I'll continue the review starting with "Masks" later. CC7567 (talk) 01:33, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Going back and scrutinizing before continuing
    • Please check for underlinking throughout the article, specifically for events. I'm trying to stress its importance by reiterating this objection because it appears to be a major chunk missing from the article, and this article isn't going to pass in its current state. Was the defeat of the Jedi Covenant linked to a specific event? Did Malak's defeat of Revan occur during a specific event as well? I'm quite sure that "Malak and Revan fought each other" and "Darth Bandon, whom Revan and his companions had previously killed" should be linked as well, and all of that's only in the intro. This is a serious lack of information, so please go through the article again and check for this.
      • I will. I linked Vindication to the Covenant's defeat, the duel between Revan and Malak on board Leviathan is already linked in the previous sentence, under "intercepted". There is no article for the duel between Revan and Bandon.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • If the duel between Revan and Bandon does not have an article, it should. From what I can see, there isn't a reason not to create the article unless you can enlighten me with one. CC7567 (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I don't know if I could, since it hasn't been canonically established where Revan fought Bandon, and pics really can't be included, since I can't hide Revan's appearance.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:52, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
            • Pictures aren't required to make an article. You can simply create a stub for it; as long as it's linked and has an article (not necessarily a complete one), then it should be fine. CC7567 (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
              • OK, then, before I create the article, I want to ask about something. Does Wookieepedia presume that Revan searched for the Star Maps in this order: Tatooine-Kashyyyk-Manaan-Korriban? Because if so, then I can list that Nord was defeated on Tatooine, Bandon was defeated on Manaan, and I could essentially name said duel between Bandon and Revan "Duel on Hrakert Station". Plus, I could add the dialogue options which has Bandon explaining to Revan how he got down to the station, in Bandon's article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
                • Article created.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:47, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
                  • I'm going to wait on this one until this is resolved. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
                    • I believe this objection has been take care of, all events are linked.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • Is there a particular reason why throughout the article, "Alek" is being used instead of "Squinquargesimus"? I'm not familiar with KotOR that much, but please state your reasoning as to why his last name isn't being used for formality.
      • One of the Agricorps told me in the GA process for this article that I could use Alek, I actually was going to bring this up. If you feel it's needed, I'll change it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Right now, I'm not asking you to change it, but I'm asking why it's this way—as in, I'm asking for the reasoning behind this besides the fact that an AC told you that it was okay. Last names are used for formality, and I cannot see why this should be an exception. CC7567 (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Changed all references to "Squinquargesimus".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I'd still like to know why it was "Alek" in the first place, if there was a reason. CC7567 (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
            • I think it was because, Alek was his real name, Squinquargesimus was just an add-on, Alek mentions this in issue 31.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
              • Ugh. Since I don't know enough information, I'm going to trust your judgment to make a decision on this; if Alek is his real name, then technically that should be used throughout the article, but it depends on the circumstances of ""Squinquargesimus". It would be good if you could explain yourself a little better and clarify this before making a decision. CC7567 (talk) 08:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "the two twisted the allegiance of the Revanchists and Republic forces": I can't tell if you mean "Revanchist and Republic forces" or "the Revanchists and the Republic forces", but please reword for clarity.
    • "Convinced that his former Master had died, Malak usurped his mantle": so suddenly Revan is Malak's former Master when just one sentence ago, he was his Master? The third paragraph of the intro as well has the same problem. Also, I can't tell who you're referring to when you say "his mantle".
    • "It would not be long until the new Dark Lord of the Sith was proven wrong about his former Master's death." It's grammatically correct, but it's slightly awkward phrasing with the "proven wrong". Perhaps "proven wrong about his beliefs on his former Master's death"?
    • "and an amnesiac Revan, whose identity as the Dark Lord": the Dark Lord, or a Dark Lord? I'm not entirely familiar about how Revan and Malak ruled, so I'm leaving you to check if this is correct.
      • It's correct, Revan was the only Dark Lord of the Sith in the Sith Empire, 'til Malak betrayed him, that is.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "After Malak revealed to his former Master that he was indeed the former Dark Lord": it sounds like Malak revealed that he himself was the "former Dark Lord" to Revan. Please reword for clarity.
      • Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Still remains. I'm asking you to reword the "he" in "After Malak revealed to Revan that he was indeed the former Dark Lord". CC7567 (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "People from Quelii did not have surnames, only names of their home villages; after he escaped Quelli when the Mandalorians devastated the world, the name of his home village was used as his surname on the immigration records." I would suggest rewording this because it appears to be just a simple side fact, and right now the chronology is rather murky and undefined in relation to his life at the village.
    • "Alek's desire to learn more": I can't tell if you mean "learn more than Revan" or "learn more than what he already knew", as in "furthering his own knowledge". Please reword for clarity.
    • "the Jedi Council urged patience and strictly forbade action, feeling that the true threat had not yet emerged": urged patience for who? Strictly forbade action from what? What was this threat that was not the "true threat"? All of this is unspecific, so please clarify. If the source didn't directly state it, try to word around it so that there aren't empty spaces in the sentence like this.
    • I'm just going to go ahead here and post all the events that sound like they deserve to be linked so that you don't miss anything. From these, please link what you can and clarify what cannot be linked and why.
      • "by participating in a scouting mission along the Outer Rim, just prior to the Mandalorian invasion of the Republic"
        • I'll see if I can get some info, don't think there's enough, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Invasion's been linked. I really couldn't find any info on the scouting mission, just that they ended up captured on Suurja.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:19, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
      • I would particularly check the second paragraph of "Recruiting for the Revanchists" and see if there's anything that has enough info to deserve an event article.
        • I really couldn't find anything that needed to be linked in this particular paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:42, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
      • "Alek was captured in an ambush before the fourth battle of Suurja by the Mandalorians": unless it took place during the fourth battle, the ambush requires its own article if there's enough info.
        • I don't think there's enough info for this. It appeared in a panel in issue 6, and was mentioned in issue 9.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • There would have to be much less info for this not to deserve an article. Please explain your reasoning. CC7567 (talk) 03:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
      • "fought Cassus Fett at Jaga's Cluster, and defeated much of the Mandalorian army at Althir": I have the NEC right here in front of me and cannot see why these do not have articles. CC7567 (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I'll create them as soon as I can.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:38, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Nevermind, the articles already exist, linked the articles already. They are Battle of Jaga's Cluster and Second Battle of Althir, respectively.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:45, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
      • "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation, he did not survive his next encounter with Revan." Please clarify if there's enough info. CC7567 (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
        • There is enough info, I've actually got the article ready to upload, just waiting for the results here, then I'll create it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:38, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Please note that I'm still waiting for final clarification from you on any of these that are unstricken. CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "the Jedi were supposed to defend against the Sith": defend what? Please check this.
    • "Alek laughed and said that the Mandalorians could have their boots at the Masters' throats, but to get them to notice the Mandalorians, they would have to paint their heads and babble about the dark side." Could you shorten this? It doesn't seem to be anything more than a side joke that doesn't serve a very big purpose.
    • "Sometime before Alek and the Revanchists came to Taris": please check your tense throughout this entire paragraph. The paragraph's placement in the article (and its tense as well) suggests that it took place after Alek conferred with Carrick, but its content suggests otherwise, and I have no idea which one is correct. Please clarify.
      • I think I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Demagol wanted to waste no time in testing Jarael due to her unusual Arkanian features": this is rather awkward wording, especially with the use of "wanted" in the sentence, which suggests that there was someone that had authority over Demagol and prevented him from testing Jarael. Please reword it.
    • "it was revealed that the Demagol that had emerged was actually Carrick": "the Demagol" in particular is unclear. Please reword this, perhaps to "it was revealed that Carrick was posing as Demagol" or something.
    • "Due to Demagol's mad experiments, doctors informed Alek that his hair would not grow back completely." With Demagol in the sentence, the "his hair" can refer to either him or Alek. Please clarify.
    • I'll have to continue this with "Adasca's plot and return to Taris". I know that I said I was going to continue with "Masks", but I was admittedly skimming in the previous review. I'll pick up the review again soon. CC7567 (talk) 21:10, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Until I start "Masks": "Carrick, who had left Taris with a Jedi Knight and the Shadow Celeste Morne": "a Jedi Knight"? Who? Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 03:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "They met with the two Jedi Knights and their fellow Revanchists, and told them abandon their efforts and disperse permanently, feeling that the Mandalorians were not a threat, and that nothing warranted the Jedi's aid." It's initially unclear who "they" refers to; I would feel better if you clarified it. Also, this sentence is a slight run-on and rather choppy.
    • "a Mandalorian mask under his feet": under whose feet? If you mean Malak's, I would recommend saying that "he realized that he was standing on a mask" or "noticed a mask that was under his feet".
    • "Revan decided to take up her cause and donned her mask, vowing not to remove it until there was justice, until the Mandalorians were defeated once and for all": what exactly was her cause? Also, the last part of the sentence is choppy, and unless you're trying to go for an extremely "dramatic effect", please reword one of the uses of "until".
      • Taken care of, for the most part. I don't see anything wrong with trying to be a little dramatic. But if it's an issue, I'll try rewording the "untils".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
        • This is an encyclopedic article, not a fantasy storybook. Please reword it. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "A few months after the events of Vindication, Zayne Carrick, now a free man, was participating in the Tandem Open—a swoop-dueling event organized on Jervo's World, a large network of swoop-dueling arenas, above the world of Pantolomin." Unless you're going to use this as "Carrick was…when" or a similar phrase, you're using the wrong tense here. Please fix this, as I'm not sure what you mean.
    • If you can shorten the first paragraph of "Confrontation with Rohlan Dyre" slightly, it would ease the flow; it's slightly rambing right now.
    • There's a lot of play-by-play in the second paragraph of the same section. Please vary all the "Malak said this," "Malak said that."
    • "They pulled Malak off Dyre, which calmed him down." Calmed who down?
    • To a certain point, there's also some p-b-p and choppiness in the last paragraph of "Confrontation". Please do some rephrasing.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I can only see that you've removed one phrase and changed the pronouns around; that's not rephrasing in the truest sense. Please do something more if you can. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Please note that this still hasn't been addressed. CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
    • As a note: if image captions are not complete sentences, then they theoretically should not have periods, which is why I've removed the ones you've replaced. Also, please do not use the term "unidentified" in an OOU article. I'll continue with "The final battles" soon. CC7567 (talk) 08:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please reword "going on the attack"; it's colloquial and rather unspecific. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak and Revan changed much from the idealistic men that had first broken away from the Jedi Council": I know that you explain this in the following sentences, but you don't relate this sentence to the others. Please reword and rephrase it so that it flows better.
    • "The battle resulted in catastrophic losses on both sides. In the end, many Jedi were twisted to the dark side, and the once proud Mandalorian clans were crippled, just as Revan had intended." Please find some other way of stating the battle's results and consequences rather than the extremely blatant "The battle resulted in".
    • "After the final battle of Malachor V": is this supposed to be the "final battle of the war" or the "final battle of Malachor V"? You don't mention any other battles on Malachor V, and therefore this doesn't make sense.
    • "After the final battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47, an assassin droid." This has no immediate relevancy to the article, and unless it does, please find some other way of mentioning it in relation to Malak. You don't have to state every single thing when it happens unless it's entirely relevant to Malak.
      • I think it is relevant, since Malak did want her killed, according to HK in The Sith Lords.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Avoiding detection by the Jedi": I thought at this point, Revan and Malak were Jedi? Please reword for clarity.
    • "Malak warned Revan of the consequences": what consequences?
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I still can't tell why you're avoiding this. Was one of the consequences death? A severed connection to the Force? Or was this simply not clarified by any source? CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
          • How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 04:38, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
            • "feeling that if they examined the Star Map, the Jedi would banish both he and Revan": please clarify what "Jedi" you're referring to, since Revan and Malak still appear to be Jedi. CC7567 (talk) 20:07, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
              • OK, put in "Jedi Order". Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:23, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak followed his Master in his wake": this comes out of nowhere with no clarification or explanation as to how it happened.
      • I'll take care fo this one soon, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:23, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Though the order in which they did so is unknown": if this is an IU article, this is a huge no-no. Do not state what is unknown unless it's to something in-universe, not to the reader. Please find a way to word around this.
    • "Malak and Revan had both visited Korriban at least once when they were known as Jedi": this "known to" phrase is unspecific since it's not defined who it was "known to". Basically, the entire last paragraph of "In search of the Star Forge" is talking from an OOU perspective. Please find a way to reword it.
    • "and of the disruptor field that had caused their ship to crash": whose ship?
    • "After having gained their trust, the Elders gave Revan and Malak access to the temple." It would be Revan and Malak that had to "gain [the Elders'] trust", not the other way around. Please reword this.
    • Please clarify what you mean by "known space".
    • "During Malak's time as Revan's apprentice, he asked HK-47 what he thought of him. The droid informed Malak of his "meatbag status," and Revan found the term amusing, programming HK-47 to call all organics such." I cannot see why this is in Malak's article aside from simple humor, which does not constitute its inclusion. Unless you have a better reason for this and can clarify how it's directly related to Malak, please remove it.
    • "At some in 3,958 BBY": please check this.
    • Please clarify when Malak (and Revan, possibly as well) takes the title of "Darth". The change should be clear and should not have to be clarified.
    • "Darth Malak assumed command of the Sith Empire": what Sith Empire? Please link it. Also, you should have mentioned that Revan and Malak built an Empire earlier in the article. I can't see why it's mentioned this late when Revan and Malak have already declared war on the Republic and Jedi.
    • "After Revan was retrained in the Jedi ways, the Enclave ordered them to search for the Star Forge." I can't tell if this is where Revan's Jedi training is supposed to be, but the subject/plural agreement here isn't working.
    • "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation" as what?
    • "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation, he did not survive his next encounter with Revan." So he encountered Revan twice? The first isn't specified.
    • "Sometime before Revan and his crew found the fourth Star Map, Malak and his Sith forces attacked Dantooine." Please move this so that the article has better and proper chronology.
    • Overall, please check the rest of the article for clarity; the article should be clear enough to the point that I shouldn't have to ask you to clarify anything. I'll continue with "Revelation on the Leviathan" later. CC7567 (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Please note that there are still a few objections currently remaining. I'll pick up the review soon, but after I go through the article completely, I'm going to be running through this again with you to flesh out all the other discrepancies that I might have missed. My recommendation is still the same—that you check the rest of the article for clarity before I review it. CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Recurring clone attack
    • Again, I'm going to reiterate that there are still objections remaining above. I'm not sure if you just haven't had the time or if you haven't noticed them, but please try to fix them soon.
      • No, I haven't had that much time on my hands. My laptop's been KO'd by tech issues, so I'm using the library's computer's once more.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • Basically the entire first two paragraphs are not directly related to Malak, and there's too much detail in them. Please see if you can shorten them; it's reading like an article of the battle rather than on Malak.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
        • Still remains, and I do not see much "shortening". Please clarify just why this much Malak-unrelated detail is needed. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
          • I shortened it some, please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:50, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Sometime after Karath left, the Ebon Hawk crew member that Revan chose to break him and the rest of the crew out of the Sith's detention level managed to free them all." The crew member needs an article, and this whole sentence is unclear. How did Revan choose a crew member to help them, and why would a crew member help them?
      • I'll take care of the sentence, but I believe that there was on the article for this character, but it was ultimately deleted. The article was called "Leviathan prison break agent". I couldn't locate a log on why it was deleted, somebody here probably knows where it is. I'll see if I can find it, I personally don't see why it can't be recreated, per the Dxun Force Adept.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • Article created: Leviathan prison break agent.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:44, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "She confirmed the fact, saying she was part of the Jedi strike team sent to capture him." Please check your tense. It sounds like Revan was being captured right then and there.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • Just a note: "confirm to <someone>" is rather bad and improper English. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please rephrase "end his former Master"; it's not very clear.
    • "Malak had always regretted betraying his Master from afar, but had now been given a second chance to prove himself." Please somehow rephrase this so that it's more related to the current state of events. I see no reason why it's in here except to serve as unnecessary trivia, since you're not linking it to the events or clarifying how it's relevant.
      • Good point. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • The first paragraph in "Training Bastila Shan" is extremely redundant in wording, and overall, the phrasing is very boring. Please do something about this.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • "The true reason Malak chose Shan to be his apprentice was the advantage the Sith Empire could gain from her battle meditation." Please somehow link this into the rest of the text. Blatant statements like this often sound like unnecessary trivia. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
          • You can take a look at it, I think I need to remove it outright, but if it's OK I'll leave it be.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:27, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "at three hundred percent of what the Sith army projected": projected? Please clarify; I don't understand what you mean.
    • "When the Jedi penetrated their defenses": "they" who?
    • Do we know who this Dark Jedi is? Can he/she get an article?
      • I don't see why he should get an article; he only appeared twice, and both times on the Star Forge with Malak.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • ...I don't understand your reasoning. If he's confirmed to be the same character that appears twice, I see no reason that he should not get an article. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • I don't think you've ever clarified how or even if the Star Forge can make battle droids. Please do so.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • Please do so earlier at the earliest place possible and relevant. I can't see any reason to do so all the way down there when you already mention the Star Forge battle droids before but never clarify it. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak was at first surprised that any Jedi could stand against an army of Star Forge droids": the "any" does not seem to be the right word here, as it leaves the plural in speculation. Please try to rephrase this.
      • Took care of the "any".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • There are way too many "then"s and other words that are providing an extremely unnecessary sense of chronology. I've removed some, but please regulate your use of them.
    • "Revan managed to stop the droids from attacking": from attacking what?
    • "Malak surmised that Revan would be a far greater asset to him than even Shan and her battle meditation. He then theorized that perhaps Revan was too powerful to be his apprentice, and that when and if Revan became stronger than him, Revan would betray him, as he himself had betrayed Revan. The former Dark Lord said that he would never turn to the dark side again, which Malak said were foolish words." This is very close to—if not already—rambling and vested with pbp. Please shorten these details.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
        • I see no change to this paragraph except a modification to a reference note. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • The same issue with the entire last paragraph of "Final confrontation and death," with the addition of more redundant wording. Kasra, I've read other sections of your article that have been much better than this, and I know you can do better.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:13, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
        • I'm striking this for now, but the unspecific pronouns and lack of clarity mentioned in the objection below still prevent this one from being properly satisfied. Please take care of this as soon as possible. CC7567 (talk) 07:27, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
    • Throughout this entire section, I never have any idea of who you're trying to refer to with "he", with a few exceptions. Please reword for clarity.
    • What "previous duels"? Has that ever been clarified?
      • Yes, there was the one in which Revan sliced off Malak's jaw, (no info on it other than that) and the one on Leviathan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Although Malak was gone, Revan's final duel with him would not be the last anyone ever saw of him." I don't know who you mean by "him".
    • "Shortly thereafter, the Jedi Exile left the known galaxy in search of Revan to help him combat the "True Sith", after she defeated Darth Traya and her Sith Triumvirate." Your wording in terms of chronology is unclear here. Also, is this even necessary or relevant to Malak's article?
      • You know, you're right. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • "in case Malak failed to conquer the galaxy": please clarify why this is in there. It's not making sense, and I can't see why you're linking this to "Revan's original goals".
      • Removed, not relevant.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please check "obvious compared."
    • "it showed its heart": what showed his heart?
    • The fourth paragraph of "Legacy" isn't very coherent and can be worded slightly better.
    • Looking back at all of the objections I just made, I'm noticing that I'm still having to ask you to reword a lot for clarity. If I get the chance, I may finish this review tomorrow, but I don't want to have to object to the same things. If that's the case, then I'm going to hold off until you can check the rest of the article. When you get the chance, I strongly urge you to read through the P&T, P&A, and Bts to make sure that I won't have to ask you to clarify anything else. CC7567 (talk) 08:01, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • Alright, I think I might have killed these issues. I'm not entirely sure, though, please take a look.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
        • Some of the above still remain, and many also remain from past reviews. Please double-check them. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
          • I'll make sure I do.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:25, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please double-check your tense in the second paragraph of "Final confrontation and death". The current wording suggests that Malak's draining of the Jedi's life forces took place concurrently with the duel, which is unsupported by the current context of the article. Even if the tense is correct, please take note that it's unclear and take action accordingly. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • I think it's taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:25, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
        • I still can't tell which tense or timeframe is supposed to be correct, because the context still suggests that it should be worded as "had been", as in he "had been draining their Force energy". Please clarify here so that I can help you word it better. CC7567 (talk) 20:37, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
          • OK, I appreciate the help. See, Malak had been allowing the Star Forge to corrupt the Jedi's energy. After explaining this to Revan, he immediately, then and there, drained the one Jedi's energy.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:29, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
            • If Malak had already captured the Jedi and had been draining their energy, the tense should reflect that. Also, that Jedi whose energy Malak drained should get an article. CC7567 (talk) 06:50, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
              • Malak captured the Jedi, but as far as I know, did not use any of their reserve evergy until his and Revan's duel. No canonical proof that he used them anytime before this. How would I title such an article? Would this work? Unidentified Jedi (Star Forge's observation deck)--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:19, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
                • Article created: Unidentified captive Jedi.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:35, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
                  • The article was deleted by Chack Jadson, so it must not be relevant.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:38, September 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please structure your P&T better. For starters, the note about his humor is smack right in the middle of a paragraph dedicated to his anti-Council beliefs, and it simply does not fit. Please check for this throughout the section.
      • I couldn't find an appropriate paragraph to stick this with, so I removed it. Please take a look at the section.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak knew that he would face this dilemma, the horrors of the war were not a mystery to Malak." You're improperly linking two independent clauses here, and I have no idea what you mean, what you're trying to say, or how you're trying to relate them.
    • For future reference, it's very bad form to involve the reader in the article by including "you" or "your" in an encyclopedic article; it's both unnecessary and unspecific, since it's never clear who the "you" is talking to. I highly recommend ceasing your usage of it.
    • I would consider merging "Training Bastila" with another section. As it stands, one skimpy paragraph does not warrant its own section if you're trying to be consistent in size. However, please note that this one is a suggestion, not an objection.
      • I'll take that suggestion. I merged it with the "Revelation on the Leviathan" section, please see what you think.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • There are too many "capable"s in the P&A. Please find alternatives rather than using the same wording over and over.
      • There's only two in the P&A section, should I omit one of them?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
        • My mistake; it's "could," not "capable," that's being overused. CC7567 (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
          • Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:27, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
            • If I previously object to a phrase and ask you to remove it, that usually means that it should not be used again. Please see my objection to the "known to" wording above. CC7567 (talk) 22:34, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
    • For now, that's all I have. I will be going through the entire article again with you shortly to make sure that nothing is missed. CC7567 (talk) 06:50, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for this first review, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
        • Before I start my second review, I'd like to again reiterate that any unstricken objections have either not been addressed or have not received clarification if you've addressed them. CC7567 (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Attack II
    • If you're going to include the "as Darth Malak" for his affiliation to the Sith, you're going to have to be consistent and do the same for the other affiliations.
    • Can anything about his regrets before death be included in the intro?
      • I don't see how. Plus, it really isn't relevant to the intro, in my opinion.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • Is the "honorary Master" currently at its earliest possible/relevant mention?
    • Reading this over and over, I cannot see why the Jedi Covenant's vision even belongs where it is now. In the current tense, it excessively implies that it was directly related to Malak. It should be mentioned where it first becomes relevant, and it is not relevant in its current location.
    • The current level of detail for the vision is also inappropriate. You're going to have to provide a very good argument as to why, particularly, the red enviro-suits and Rogue Moon should be in there. All that needs to be said is that they misinterpreted a prophecy of their own deaths and believed that their Padawans were responsible for it.
    • "regarding Adasca's meeting from Vamm": please check this; the "meeting from Vamm" isn't proper English.
    • I'm getting tired of reading all your usages of "who was" throughout "Adasca's plot and return to Taris". Please check if all the facts that you link them to are entirely necessary and do some rewording.
      • What do you mean? There's only one "who was" in this entire section.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • Will resume soon with "Against the Jedi Covenant". CC7567 (talk) 21:25, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Despite Squinquargesimus' assurances of clearing Carrick's name": this is improper English. As you're the one who knows what you're trying to say, please be clearer.
    • "and that nothing warranted the Jedi's aid in the Mandalorian Wars": aid to whom? It sounds like you're trying to say "involvement" here.
      • I am, so it's in and "aid" is out.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The four men who expressed interest in Jarael in reality": please check this; I cannot tell where the "in reality" is supposed to go, but its current placement is improper.
    • "told her that the reason for that": reason for what?
    • "As the war progressed, Malak and Revan changed from the idealistic men that had first rebelled against the Jedi Council." If you're going to use this phrasing, you're going to have to clarify what they changed to.
      • I'll take care of this soon, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
        • Taken care of, I believe. Did some rearranging.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:23, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Developing a cold, calculating disposition that was uncharacteristic of Jedi, "moral shortcuts" became common practice under Revan and Malak's leadership, as did a number of other unsavory acts." This sounds like the "moral shortcuts" developed the cold, calculating disposition.
      • I rearranged this a bit, please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "If a world had no strategic significance, then it had no significance, regardless of the cost in sentient life." The "cost in sentient life" is phrased awkwardly, and its inclusion in the sentence isn't verified. If a world didn't have any significance, then what did Revan and Malak do to it? Please clarify directly.
      • After merging two of the paragraphs, this sentence seemed contradictory to the tone of the paragraph. Please take a look at it and advise.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Revan intended to unleash": I can't remember if I've already discussed this with you, but you don't clarify if he actually did or not. Please do so.
      • No, he didn't actually activate it, the Jedi Exile did. I believe the necessary info is in this section's final paragraph. I also did some rearranging of the third paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • Will continue with "In search of the Star Forge". CC7567 (talk) 07:23, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Please make sure that the placement of the images match what the article is talking about. I don't have the means to check this myself right now, but I would suggest that you do this. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Information on Malak from the upcoming Demon arc will be added when it comes out.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:14, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
  • I'll be busy for the next few days, but I'll take care of your objections, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:58, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
  • By the way, according to the CSWE's entry on the Leviathan, Malak took command of the ship when Karath brough the ship to the Sith, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Kasra, just so you know: it's not that I've forgotten about Malak, I just haven't had a lot of time on my hands lately. I'll try and finish him up this weekend if possible. CC7567 (talk) 15:48, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
  • That's no problem, CC, I myself have been busy. Have to use the library's computers since my computer is on the fritz.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:09, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
  • Hey CC, I'll get to the remaining objections as soon as I can, kinda busy.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:16, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
    • A note on the "one-time" and "towards" that I have now reverted back: the former was improper usage of the "ndash"—it's already an idiom used in English and does not deserve a different dash, and the latter was slang. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
  • Another note, this one on the P&T paragraph that I split back again: it's often best not to have huge walls of text in the middle of articles, especially if it's a deviation from the article's standard paragraph size. CC7567 (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

Skytop Station

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 22:22, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Kreivi Wolter 10:53, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:33, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Well done. Just added a link or two and the CIS category. —Xwing328(Talk) 16:48, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Fett's 2 cents
    • Throughout the article, you say the group were going to target the repulsorlift generators. However in the episode, their target was the main reactor. The reactor was protected by the rayshield.
      • Okay, I see what you mean.
    • This may be a speculation but possibly the repulsorlift generators were near the reactor at the time of the station exploding, which caused the Federation core ship to fall.
      • I think it's a little to speculatory to say that, but I worded it vaguely enough to work out. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:18, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
        • Indeed, I'll review it again soon. JangFett Talk 19:23, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
    • JangFett Talk 14:27, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. Bah, relapse of Droid Retrieval...
    • "Although Ventress detested the principals behind the listening post": specifically what kind of principals?
      • Addressed
    • Are you sure that it was specifically "Republic Intelligence" that confirmed the station's existence? In Wild Space, I believe it was only referred to simply as "intelligence," and same with "Downfall of a Droid."
      • Episode guide calls it Repubic Intelligence. I reffed it as such.
    • For the events surrounding Nachkt's obtaining of R2-D2 and his deal with Grievous, as well as the Mission to suspected Confederate space, can the events be placed better chronologically? They're currently a bit confusing.
      • Ehrm. Gimme a little bit on that one.
        • Better? If I introduce Nachkt any earlier it starts having more focus on Bothawui and less on Skytop Station.
    • For the second paragraph of "Destruction", "although" starts off sentences twice. Can at least one be varied?
      • First was changed.
    • You vary between R3-S6/R3 and R2-D2/R2; can you try to use the droids' full names for consistency? I ran into the same problem when I did the event articles, but I found it was clearer to be consistent.
      • Done.
    • "under his watch": this is a bit unspecific and also a bit unclear; can you reword it?
      • Taken care of.
    • I would suggest listing Katuunko's DB entry under the Sources, as it was the only place that confirmed the use of Skytop Station to intercept the meeting between the king and the Supreme Chancellor.
      • In there.
    • Any more Bts info that might be out there, either from the video commentaries, the episode guides, or any sourcebooks? CC7567 (talk) 07:22, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
      • The video commentary pertains exclusively to the Tano/Grievous duel. And the Episode guides have nothing applicable. As far as sourcebooks go, I skimmed the Campaign Guide yesterday and found nothing. It's kind of a straight forward piece of equipment. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 23:57, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Kay, last one for now. "Unbeknownst to both Nachkt and Grievous, R2-D2 was never issued a memory wipe, and therefore still retained information on Republic bases and strategies." Can this be moved down, or just removed completely? I'm not getting why it's relevant enough to be mentioned so early here. CC7567 (talk) 17:57, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. Clone Attack II
    • This is purely superficial, but can you try to standardize the size of the intro paragraphs? They're a bit uneven.
      • Eh, I'll work on it. It's a little tough because it's a pretty clear separation between a descriptive paragraph and then a historical paragraph, but gimme a bit and I'll see what I can do.
        • If you can't work with changing the split, then you can just leave it as it is; it was more of a comment than an objection. I'm striking this, and I'll leave it up to you what you do with it. CC7567 (talk) 22:22, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
    • "giving the Confederacy the ability to ambush Republic fleets": can you try rewording this? I know that this is essentially what the information gave the Confederacy, but it's a bit too general and unspecific. Perhaps something regarding the station's ability to ambush the fleets with the information?
      • Better?
    • Can something be said of Tano and Rex's rescue of Skywalker during his scouting mission? I know that it's slightly unrelated to Skytop Station itself, but it's a bit unclear about how they became involved.
      • Taken care of.
    • In the second paragraph "Destruction", two sentences begin with "although"; please vary at least one of them.
      • Done.
    • Similarly, in the next paragraph, two sentences begin with "as"; please vary sentence structure.
      • Done.
    • "Momentarily captured" isn't working very well; it sounds like Tano was captured for "a short amount of time", meaning that she already escaped.
      • Removed.
    • Is there a reason its appearance in "Downfall of a Droid" is "referenced to"? Mentioning it this way in the Bts is fine, but I would suggest changing it to {{Mo}} or {{Imo}} in the Appearances section.
      • Fixed.
    • Good work, Trayus. CC7567 (talk) 21:04, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • My jury is still out on the necessity of a commanders and crew section. So if you think it's needed, let me know. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 07:58, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
    • Well, we know that Skytop was crewed by Aqualish technicians, and it also appears that Grievous was in command of the station for some time. So I'd say that a commanders and crew section should be written up, even if it's very short. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 12:00, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Fixed quite a few spelling errors. JangFett Talk 14:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
  • You might want to check the Mission to Skytop Station's Bts for the NDS Republic Heroes info. There is some information relevant to the station itself—the lockdown mechanism, for example. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 16:05, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
    • The information has been added, however it was all taken from that article, so if there's anything pertaining specifically to the station that I'm missing, please let me know. And thank you very much for informing me about this. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:48, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Tao

  • Nominated by: --Eyrezer 23:51, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Current GA

(4 Inqs/4 Users/8 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Your linking was seriously lacking though. Make sure you've got that fixed before you nominate an article, please. Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:19, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 04:12, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 18:51, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Kreivi Wolter 06:29, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
  5. The Flash {talk} 17:48, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:13, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
  7. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 05:39, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
  8. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:45, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. What is the source for the 1 ABY date? AFAIK, the comic itself doesn't state that Tao died exactly one year after Yavin, it could as well be 0 ABY. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:08, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Having dealt with this story when writing the Executor article, the comic itself does not provide a hard date, so specifying 1 ABY explicitly is probably unfounded, but a general date can be had when taking into consideration that the Executor is apparently first arriving over Coruscant some time not long after completion, which would give us a date of somewhere circa 0.5 ABY - 1 ABY. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:23, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
      • I see your point, though I would prefer to see "circa" and a note explaining such choice of date in the article itself. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:06, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. The article is fairly good shape, but I've spotted a few issues. First, I agree with QuiGonJinn; it'd be best to use "circa" or "c." beforehand, but cite a source. Second, the intro needs to be expanded. There appears to be enough info to sustain at least two paragraphs. Fix those and I believe the article is sound enough to be passed. The Flash {talk} 21:21, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
    • He died shortly after the Executor was finished. When was that?--Kreivi Wolter 05:56, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
      • Around 3 BBY. The Flash {talk} 17:44, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
        • I've added a footnote as to the date of his death and placed it between 1 and 3 ABY. I'd say it was intended to be just before the Battle of Hoth as it depicts what is likely intended to be the probe launch scene from ESB, and the death is followed by the Battle of Hoth. However, I've tried to explain the ambiguity. --Eyrezer 08:10, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Great, but the lead still seems a bit inefficient to me. The Flash {talk} 23:55, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
            • Lead expanded somewhat. Although the article is quite long there are not many hard events to include in the intro. How is it now? --Eyrezer 04:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
              • Perfect - I've supported it now. The Flash {talk} 17:48, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Can you try and recheck the P&T and P&A? I'm noticing a lot of redundancy between them and the bio, and I'm not sure if all of the detail is necessary. CC7567 (talk) 23:04, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I've pared down the P&A to just the abilities he displayed. How is it now? --Eyrezer 04:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. No creative reviewing title yet
    • If he was Vader's apprentice, shouldn't the Order of the Sith Lords be listed in the infobox then?
      • As I understand it, the Order is a technical title. Vader - and indeed the Emperor - have had numerous apprentices or people that they trained, without them being part of the Order of the Sith Lords. --Eyrezer 08:19, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Context on Vader upon first mention in the "Battle of Shumari" section.
      • Done
    • First paragraph of the "Vader's apprentice" section: Upon ending this meeting, Vader returned to his meditation chamber feeling angry and frustrated... ; Angry at what had transpired in the Yavin system, Vader demanded that Tao come at him with all his anger... ; ...lacking both the hatred and anger required to be a Sith... ; Attempting to fuel Tao's anger.... That's just too angry, please vary words a bit.
      • Lol - there is a lot of anger in the comic, but modified.
    • Brief context on the Executor
      • Done
    • Though Vader did not wish to do so, he was unable to do otherwise in the presence of Palpatine. Was this the case? When reading the comic, I was left under the impression that Palpatine controlled Vader's actions in some capacity. Please check.
    • P&A: wishing to avenge his fallen teacher, Tao wished... Repetitive.
      • Removed in the P&A rewrite. --Eyrezer 04:02, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Since Vader's Legacy has not been published in three years and appears to be effectively cancelled, the Bts should reflect this.
      • Done.
    • QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 07:57, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
  5. Fiolli:
    • I would like to see something in the Bts that states something that addressed the fact that even though the homeworld was canonized with the Atlas, Tao was not officially canonized. Surely there are sources for that. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:47, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
  6. Pasta! Pasta! Pasta!
    • The citation for the date contains only how it relates to 1 ABY. Please include a corresponding for 3 ABY.
    • "Nonetheless, both Tao and his Master were left to stand against Vader's onslaught." This seems out of place. It is set up as if everyone else was exterminated. Please smooth this over.
    • "…completely annihilated the planetary surface, essentially turning it into an uninhabitable wasteland." Essentially? Either it was or was not.
    • "Upon ending this meeting…" Vader actually ended it? Seems odd, so I'm checking.
    • "Tao, however, was unable to do so, thus stopping the fight and earning his Master's disapproval at lacking sufficient hatred to be a Sith." This reads awkwardly.
    • "Palpatine, displeased that Vader had betrayed him by hiding his young apprentice…" When did Palpatine find out? Also, is he actually known as "Emperor Palpatine" in the comic? If not, this needs to have a qualification source earlier in the article as it is a specific detail of name.
    • "Due to events outside of his control, however, his young mind was prone to corruption by violent warfare." After reading the article, this sounds like significant speculation.
    • "Tao, however, did not hold any anger towards Vader and was able to let go of the hard feelings that he had held over the colored events of his past." This is opposite what is stated earlier in the article as it says Tao was angered that Vader had released him. Only on Shumari does Tao show a lack of anger. Please rectify this.
    • I'm also going to take Kreivi's comment from below. Are there no quotes for the P-and-t and P-and-a sections?
    • That's it for now. I am sorry to say this, but the article was quite messy and still could use possibly another copyedit. Comma usage was highly questionable. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:22, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
  7. Just a few
    • Can you link the Vengeful Tusken Raider to the intro?
      • Kasra, this is simple enough for you to fix yourself under the {{Sofixit}} clause. Objections like this just hold up nominations. CC7567 (talk) 04:06, October 16, 2009 (UTC)
    • …Darth Vader, a member of the Order of the Sith Lords and a former Jedi Master… Vader was not a former Jedi Master, he was a former Jedi Knight.
    • Can you link Lightsaber combat somewhere in the P&A?
    • Good work, hopefully LFL will officially canonize Tao in the future.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:55, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • I apologize the objections where I could have fixed them myself.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:55, October 16, 2009 (UTC)
  8. Continuity
    • Every other articles of the manga are now considered as non-canon in Wookiepedia. If it really is so, then should this article be non-canon as well?--Kreivi Wolter 16:22, October 21, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I don't take credit for writing this article, but as a 1500 GA, I'm nominating it and will see it through the FAN process. --Eyrezer 23:51, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Some quotes for the P&T and P&A-sections?--Kreivi Wolter 12:46, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
    • The article is now fully protected due to edit warring over the canon status of the subject - can we get a resolution on it and amend the article if needed? - Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 22:56, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Young-Elders War

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote How could I not?—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No quarter given, all exits sealed) 04:17, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 08:20, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 00:18, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Blacklist:
    • "Yoda sent Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his thirteen-year-old Padawan to rescue Tahl." You need to state who the Padawan is at this point, since you start the next paragraph off talking about him, like he's already been mentioned.
      • Facepalm. How did I forget that? Addressed.
    • "Breaking the rules of his apprenticeship, he agreed to help Cerasi and the Young with their plan and participate in the early stages of one of the attacks." How exactly was Kenobi breaking the rules of his apprenticeship?
      • The source is a bit unclear, but I've clarified it slightly.
    • Gotta get ready for my football game. More to come later.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No quarter given, all exits sealed) 11:45, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn
    • Didn't The Middle Generation ally themselves with the Young near the end of the war? Why aren't they in the infobox?
      • The Middle Generation allied with the Young at the end of the war, not "near" the end of the war—specifically after the attack on the spaceport, which was the battle that ended the war. Since they never actually participated in the war, I didn't list them. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
    • Again, the infobox. As I remember, Wehutti was one of the Elders' leaders. If I'm correct, you should add him to the "commanders" field.
      • In The Defenders of the Dead, it's stated that Wehutti was a Melida leader before the Young-Elders War, but no source explicitly states that he was a commander in the war itself. For all we know, he could be just a political leader and not a military leader. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm sure that the war was mentioned several times in the subsequent books. Something along the lines of "Obi-Wan leaving the Order" counts at least as an indirect mention.
      • I think that counting every mention of Obi-Wan leaving the Order as an indirect mention of the war might be stretching things a bit, but there might be a few that actually have an indirect mention of the war itself (e.g. I think the The Captive Temple mentions Obi-Wan interfering in a planet's internal affairs, now that I think about it). I'll look into this as soon as I can get the books from the library, but if it only mentions Obi-Wan's resignation in relation to his relationship with Qui-Gon, I wouldn't call it an indirect mention of the war itself. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
      • Mostly addressed. I'm still waiting on The Shattered Peace and The Followers, however; both are listed in my library account as "in transit", so I should have them later today (Thursday). —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:48, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
      • Nothing about the war itself in The Shattered Peace. As far as The Followers, I misread my account; it was a different book labeled "in transit", and the only copy of The Followers in the system is out and not due back until 7/14, so it could be a while before I can get my hands on it. Xwing328, Grunny, and JangFett appear to have it, so I'll see if I can get ahold of one of them. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 18:38, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Will give an in-depth review later. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:47, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
    • Could not find anything else to object to. I remember writing this one a while ago. Great job on expanding and improving it. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 16:38, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
  3. For now, please try to avoid getting dash-happy. There are a ton of unnecessary dashes throughout the article in places where commas would suffice. CC7567 (talk) 05:34, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Number of dashes significantly reduced to no more than two per paragraph. I have to admit I do tend to use dashes a little too much. Thanks for the first look. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 06:49, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Will properly review soon. CC7567 (talk) 17:51, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. Attack of the Clone
    • For the 'War for peace' section, I'd prefer if you chose either the quote under the main header or the quotes in the subsections. It's a bit overkill with that many quotes in the article, and it would be the equivalent of providing a quote for each section and subsection.
      • After some consideration, one of the quotes has been moved to the top of the article and is now the lead quote. Another one was deleted in the section merge you asked for below. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Is it possible for the two subsections under "The Jedi" to be merged and removed? The Jedi's mission is collectively both subsections, and there's a bit excess subsectioning.
    • Similarly, can the subsections in "Peace refused" be eliminated? Since the sections are so closely related, they're a bit scanty in their current state.
    • You're using "however" rather extensively throughout the article, and it's getting repetitive; please go through and either vary or remove some of them. I would also recommend checking for other redundant conjunctions.
      • Several instances have been changed and a few have been completely removed.
    • I'd like to hear your reasoning on why mentioning the "mentions" of the war in the other Jedi Apprentice books are necessary. Only its direct appearances in media and sourcebooks appear to be warranted.
      • After thinking about it some, the Apprentice mentions have been condensed into a single sentences with a note explaining that they come primarily as Obi-Wan reflects on the past, which ties into the second paragraph of the BTS. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:48, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Good work. CC7567 (talk) 20:29, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Little Bivoli

  • Nominated by:NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 19:50, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Long story short, I killed off the GAN and put it up for my first FAN.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. I fixed all instances of "Heirogryph", back to "Hierogryph". Looks good, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 18:37, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. File:Bivolimess.jpg needs to be re-uploaded with the speech bubbles restored. --Imperialles 10:16, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • Is it "Little Bivoli", as the title states, or "the Little Bivoli"? Please try to be consistent.
      • The ship is called "Little Bivoli" but one refers to it as "the Little Bivoli", as with the Executor. I fixed all instances to "the Little Bivoli". NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "the outer parts of the these were on the diagonal surfaces of the vessel, and when open, would not beneath the partial shelter of the overhanging hull, meaning that these parts were not protected from rain.": please check this; it seems like there's something missing after "would not".
    • Please vary "located".
    • "This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him, declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for person to whom a life-debt was being pledged, the to pay him." Please check this sentence, particularly the last part.
      • Fixed NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
        • "This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him; declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for the person to whom a life-debt was being pledged." Your semicolon usage is improper here, and it disrupts the sentence flow. Please either replace it with what it was before or rephrase it. CC7567 (talk) 17:49, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "They were ordered to merge into formation for a hyperspace jump bound for Serroco": who's "they"? The previous sentences brings up more subjects that could serve as the subject of this sentence. Please clarify.
    • Overall, I'm noticing a distinct underusage of commas. Please go through the article again and make sure that none of the sentences are run-ons, because that's what the lack of commas are causing.
      • I noticed that it was a case of too many commas in some places and none where they were needed. I've fixed them and a disjointed sentence or two. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I'll continue with "Camp Three" soon. CC7567 (talk) 05:51, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • The first sentence of "Destruction" does not make sentence. Please check it and clarify.
    • The "Owners and operators" is placing a lot on what is "known" and "unknown," but this is improper wording for IU articles. Please only state what's known and write it from a more general point of view.
    • "Despite the Little Bivoli's destruction at the Battle of Serroco, Hierogryph and Slyssk managed to escape and were reunited with Carrick soon thereafter." Is this absolutely necessary in the Bts? It should be in the History, if anything, because in the Bts it's simple and unneeded trivia. CC7567 (talk) 00:39, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Moved to history. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the reviews CC. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Despite JJM referencing Star Wars Galaxies as his source for Bivoli tempari, it actually originated from Riders of the Maelstrom (WEG). Not sure if the BTS section should reflect this somehow. --Azizlight 03:36, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • I didn't know that, thanks for pointing it out. Now addressed. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 07:46, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
      • Cool. Could i suggest just a couple of additional words to explain why SWG is being mentioned? How about: "a foodstuff Miller found in Star Wars Galaxies, that first appeared in Riders of the Maelstrom." Sorry to be a pain :-) --Azizlight 23:16, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Qu Rahn

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:03, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Part 2 of QuiGon Project: Dark Forces

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:19, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 15:52, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 19:10, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:22, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Absolutely.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:50, October 21, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. I've been waiting for this for a long time (Farlstendoiro)
    • Early life, 3rd paragraph, has a link to Emperor Palpatine. I suggest two links instead, Emperor Palpatine.
      • Addressed.
    • Vader killed all the Jedi at the location—except for Rahn himself. Do we know why he did not kill Rahn? If so, I think it should be explained.
      • The source does not specify how he survived. Actually, it does not state that Rahn was the only survivor either, so I reworded it.
    • Please add some context about Yoda surviving Order 66, exiling in Dagobah and -more important- why Rahn knows about Yoda's position.
      • Addressed. Again, the source does not specify how Rahn learned about Yoda's exile.
    • After his meeting with Yoda, Rahn became determined to find the Valley of the Jedi in order to free the spirits trapped there so they could join the Force, thus preventing any possibility of the valley's power being used for evil. "Thus preventing" suggests (at least to me) that Rahn, merely by becoming determined, prevented that possibility. I suggest rewording.
      • Reworded.
    • Ultimately, Jerec caught wind of Rahn's search. Hoping to find the valley in order to obtain its power, he initiated his own search. I know "he" refers to Jerec, but it might refer to either Jerec or Rahn. Change for "The Inquisitor" or something?
      • Addressed.
    • I seem to remember that, when Rahn met Morgan Katarn, the former found some connection between his new friend's surname and the clan Rahn had studied at; Rahn gave some importance to that, believing it was a signal from the Force. I don't remember the source. Do you know something about this?
      • The only mention of the Katarn clan comes from The Dark Forces Saga. The similarity between the clan's name and Morgan's surname is noted there, but there is no indication that Rahn gave it some importance. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 16:31, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
    • I also seem to remember that, when Rahn attacked the Dark Side Elite, the officers in the bridge rushed to help the Elite; Jerec, however, ordered them not to, as fighting a real Jedi could be a good exercise for the Elite. Again, I can't remember which adaptation of Dark Forces II it was.
      • I'm aware of this, it's from the Rebel Agent novel. However, I fail to see how this can be relevant to Rahn's article. It only shows how Jerec treated his underlings, something that IMO has no direct relation to Rahn. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 16:31, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
        • I was thinking it could mean that Jerec respected Rahn or Rahn's prowess to an extent - but never mind.
          • Well, it doesn't really show Jerec's respect. Jerec just says: The practice will do them good, and I think that's all that he meant. Not a specific practice with Rahn, but practice against Jedi in general. Just to let you know. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:37, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
    • Rahn answered that "that" was entirely up to him. Can you reword that that "that"?
      • Dunno how to reword it. Changed to italics, like in Yun's article. It worked fine there...
    • Rahn almost hoped that Jerec would find him, so he could exact justice on the Miraluka. This is the first mention to Jerec being a Miraluka, which is a not-so-known species. Could you add "the Miraluka Inquisitor", "the Miraluka Dark Jedi" or something? Just to remove any ambiguity.
      • Changed "the Miraluka" to "the Inquisitor". This way, there won't be any ambiguity for sure.
    • "Telekinesis" is not written with a capital letter.
      • Addressed.
    • A mention to Socorran (language) redirects to Socorro (planet). Correct it.
      • Fixed.
        • Just corrected a typo myself, hope you don't mind.
    • The BtS could use an image of the "Dark Rahn", if available.
    • That all. Seriously, I had this article in my watchlist and was eager to see it nominated ;) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:42, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for your review. Sorry for keeping you waiting. I started working on it a while ago, but then I was a little busy, and then I was a little bored. Now that I'm back to writing, stay tuned for Gorc and Maw, and eventually to the rest of Seven Dark Jedi )) QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 15:50, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
      • Proccessed what you've done; some objections still pending. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 18:10, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
  2. Priestly duties
    • "a powerful Force nexus which contained numerous Jedi souls" — can we add that they were trapped souls?
      • We can :P
    • "Rahn instructed to pass the information about the Valley to Morgan's son, Kyle." — you're missing something after "instructed".
      • Addressed.
    • "in order to obtain its power" - obtain doen't read like the right choice here; that sounds like a sceptre of Ragnos style power appropriation. Maybe "harness" would work better. Thoughts?
      • "Harness" is OK.
    • Context in the main body on the Separatist Crisis please.
      • Addressed.
    • "Although Rahn was baffled by both the new knowledge and the weapon Yoda gave him, Rahn accepted it and vowed to protect the lightsaber as it would him." - It's unclear whether you want "it" to refer to the lightsaber or to Yoda's actions. This doesn't read very well and I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct, so please have a go at rewording it.
      • Reworded it a bit.
    • "Rahn arrived on Sulon and stood at Katarn's farm for some time. From Katarn, Rahn learned that the valley did in fact exist." - so he's standing at the farm doing what? Talking to Katarn? Or just musing? Please clarify.
      • Hopefully clarified.
    • "Yoda had once told him that if one should choose the dark side, it would forever dominate his destiny" -- you use "one" and then link it to "his", but one is neuter. Can you re-word this so this mistake is excised?
      • Reworded.
    • "Rahn appeared to Katarn as a voice" Hmmmm. Not sure about appearing to someone as a voice. Please reword.
      • Reworded.
    • "After that, Qu Rahn was not seen or heard contacting Katarn." - the death of Jerec, the liberation of the spirits, events on Ruusan as a whole? Please clarify.
      • I guess "the events on Ruusan" encompasses all of the above, so I'll just stick to it.
    • In the powers and abilities section you use "being able" twice in succession. Please reword one of these.
      • Addressed.
    • A couple of repeated mistakes. Split infinitives "to even touch" are not really the done thing/ You also used the definite article several times when it was unnecessary to do so and you need to make sure that your antecedents are clear with complex sentence structures. There was also a little too much underlinking for my liking — Jedi training, death, space, Force vision, sai tok, and the occasional missing word. But above all this was a great read from what were conflicting sources and is a decent biography of a really interesting character. Well done and keep up the great Dark Forces work! -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:31, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Clone attack
    • "In 3 ABY, Yoda was visited on Dagobah by the famous Rebel hero and Anakin Skywalker's son, Luke Skywalker, who sought training in the ways of the Jedi. Yoda agreed to teach him, and during Skywalker's training, Yoda spoke of Rahn." Please clarify how this is relevant. If you believe it's necessary for the article, it needs to be rewritten so that it doesn't sound like a side fact or piece of trivia like it does now.
      • After trying to figure out how to make it less trivial and failing to do so, I decided to remove it altogether. Come to think of it, it was really more relevant to Yoda's or Luke's articles.
    • "with a sleeping gas": if it's "a" like how it is now, it's going to have to be linked or named.
      • Well, it was only identified as "sleep gas" in the source, but its effects are identical to those of the Coma gas, so I'd assume that they are the same.
    • "Rahn and his group tried to reach for the space suits": what space suits? There weren't any mentioned before, yet you say "the".
      • Fixed.
    • "it was the vision that led him to Morgan Katarn": again, what vision? You haven't mentioned it before in the P&A.
      • Fixed.
    • Please watch linking. Also, please watch your paragraph size; having paragraphs ranging from one to two to six semi-related sentences in size isn't very consistent. CC7567 (talk) 03:11, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for review CC. I'll try to pay more attention to linking and paragraph size in the future. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:09, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Couldn't find any source for the 55 BBY birthdate. If someone knows it, please tell me. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:05, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Stuff like "lackeys" and "minions" stray close to POV. I've removed them and re-worded them to "Dark Jedi", "followers" etc. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:31, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Rescue on the Tranquility

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. JangFett Talk 15:02, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. I still believe that Faro's death should be putted on infobox, but what the h*ll.--Kreivi Wolter 15:06, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Small thing: you attribute the first "Operation" quote to a navigation officer, howeve Gree refers to him as the Captain in the episode. You also later simply call him a naval officer. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 09:22, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Well, according to the TCWCG, he's definitely a naval officer; that's all I'm sure of. I'll correct it for consistency and reference it properly, but I didn't want to call him a captain because he's even called a commander (if he's the same guy) later in the episode. The only thing that's certain is that he's a naval officer, per the TCWCG. CC7567 (talk) 15:54, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
      • Ah, I see. So long as he's not called a navigation officer.
  2. Minor repairing
    • It was during the rescue that Argyus was killed, even if they weren't in the battle ground anymore. It should be marked to info box.
      • He did not die during the rescue. He died during the escape, and that was not part of the battle. The "rescue" ended when Gunray and Argyus fled the Tranquility, as you'll see in the Aftermath section.
        • Well, I crossed that objection, but from my point of view the escape is still counted to be a part of a rescue, and Argyus was killed during it.
    • Wouldn't it be better "all B2 super battle droids" than just "B2 super battle droids" in casualties?
      • The statement "the enemy has been repelled" does not mean that all of the B2 super battle droids were destroyed; "repelled" means that they were driven off. I have yet to see a source that explicitly states that all of them were destroyed.
    • Argyus used Gunray as a living shield. What prevented Gree to shoot, as Gunray was in enemy side? Clarify.
    • Otherwise wonderful job.--Kreivi Wolter 13:26, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. Lets get this thing moving
    • In the infobox, "1 Dark Acolyte" is not sourced. Also, for "Viceroy", possibly add "1 Neimoidian viceroy" to specify.
      • Addressed the former, see no reason to change the latter. CC7567 (talk) 08:09, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Tano remained with Captain Argyus to protect Gunray from the possibility of attack, while Unduli and CC-1004 went to assist the clone troopers in repelling the droids." Possibility of attack from whom? While I don't think Unduli told Tano told remain with Gunray due to an a possible attack, but to guard Gunray.
    • I see paragraphs within "Confrontation on the detention level" get too pbp.
    • Same with "Duel in the engine room"
    • Same with "Betrayal and escape"
    • "Ventress deactivated the laser gate of Gunray's cell, and as Tano arrived and slashed at the viceroy, Ventress kicked the Padawan into the detention block." I don't recall seeing Tano slashing at Gunray prior to being kicked inside the cell by Ventress. By rewatching the episode, Tano ran with her lightsaber but stopped her advance near Gunray and Ventress. Also, it is not "detention block" but "detention cell". Block is the entire area.
      • She did not stop her advance, and I don't see the basis behind your reasoning. The other has been fixed. CC7567 (talk) 08:09, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
        • It appeared that she did. She froze before being kicked into the cell by Ventress. But, I'll go head and strike this out since my reasoning might be a viewers-poi/speculation.
    • "As CC-1004 confronted Argyus on his loyalty to the Republic, the captain bent down to grab the clone's fallen blaster." I believe you meant "commented", as opposed to "confronted". If not, this sentence is rather confusing by saying "he confronted Argyus on his loyalty to the Republic."
      • "Confront" is not always defined as a physical action; it can be a verbal one. If Gree was only "commenting" on it, he wouldn't be asking Argyus why he did what he did. CC7567 (talk) 08:09, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "The Confederate Head of State planted the Republic tracking beacon in Grievous's own lair on Vassek in order to lure Fisto and his former Padawan, Nadhar Vebb, to the planet." Due to LoG decoded, Grievous' lair is on the "Third moon of Vassek".
      • Next time, if you know this yourself, go ahead and fix it yourself. This is a simple {{Sofixit}} objection. CC7567 (talk) 08:09, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Once the Jedi were in place, Grievous would be able to hunt them for sport and display his capabilities as a Jedi hunter." Do you think this is relevant to mention?
      • It goes with the "reassessment" that is otherwise unclear. CC7567 (talk) 08:09, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Overall, great work CC. :) JangFett Talk 03:20, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I know that the FAN is still lagging right now, but I don't mind waiting. CC7567 (talk) 06:45, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Not a formal objection, but my concerns about the article title still stand. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 09:03, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
      • Eh, if I get more time to think about it, perhaps I'll move it, but as for now I think it's fine; it's going to be conjecturally titled either way. CC7567 (talk) 15:54, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
        • "Skirmish" still sounds cooler (:P), but it's been moved to "Rescue on the Tranquility". CC7567 (talk) 20:54, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Tranquility

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Please watch linking, though. CC7567 (talk) 04:04, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Attack of the Clone
    • Are you sure the Tranquility was the one that arrived over Rodia during "Bombad Jedi"? I know that there's some information to suggest that it was, but neither the episode nor its online guide confirmed it. If another source states that it was, please reference it.
      • I'm not seeing where I indicated that.
        • Bah; sorry, I must have misread it. CC7567 (talk) 04:13, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
    • If the Tranquility was the one that appeared during "Bombad Jedi", please try to shorten the intro. It's debatable whether or not Amidala and Binks even require a mention here, but there's simply too much context for Gunray. If it needs to be stated that Gunray was "fighting against the Republic", state it in the body; it's already heavily implied if he was captured by Republic forces.
      • Took out the Council context.
    • "The ventilation shafts were utilized by Asajj Ventress to travel from the flight deck to the engine room, and from there to the detention level." Ventress is going to need context here if you're going to mention her so early; unless there's a reason for it, I would suggest removing this and mentioning it chronologically when she actually uses the shafts.
      • Removed.
    • "The Tranquility was a Venator-class Star Destroyer in the service of the Republic Navy during the Clone Wars." Yes, this is part of its history, but it should have (at least) also been mentioned in the "Characteristics" section. Also, please watch overlinking.
      • The fact that it's a Venator in the Republic navy is already in the characteristics. If I were to explicitly restate that "The Tranquility was a Venator-class Star Destroyer in the service of the Republic Navy during the Clone Wars.", it would be extremely unneccessary and repetitive, as that information is already in the intro and history.
    • "The boarding ship's pincers pierced the Tranquility's hull, and inserted into the roof of the dorsal flight deck." This is redundant; you've already said that the Droches slammed into the Star Destroyer's hull. Also, please check the last part of the sentence; it's not flowing well.
      • Addressed.
    • In the third paragraph of "Prisoner transport", please try to vary "while".
      • Done.
    • I'll continue this with you later when I have more time, but I'll leave you with these for now. CC7567 (talk) 23:28, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. "The captain of the vessel was a clone who was present on the bridge during the Confederacy's initial attack..." Which initial attach was this? The rescue on the Tranquility? —Xwing328(Talk) 17:14, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • I meant the Confederacy's boarding and starfighter assault. I replaced "initial attack" with "boarding." Does it need more clarification or is this okay? Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:59, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Nahdar Vebb

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Nice to see this guy in better shape. CC7567 (talk) 03:19, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Kreivi Wolter 04:34, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Very nice. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:53, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:43, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:00, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

  • Should the " "Newsreel" only " be changed to "appears in flashback" ?--Kreivi Wolter 13:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • He can't appear in a "flashback" if he hasn't already appeared. CC7567 (talk) 21:47, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Good point.--Kreivi Wolter 04:37, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Well, to appear in a "newsreel," the event would already have to have taken place, just as in a flashback, and the raid on Greivous's lair has to have taken place after Rookies because of his appearance in it anyway so technically hee did "appear" before the "reel" was posted. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
        • The "newsreel" is OOU and does not necessarily mean that the event already happened, whereas a flashback is IU and would have to mean that the event happened before the flashback. Unless you have a better solution in mind, I can't see the point of continuing discussion over something like this. CC7567 (talk) 23:05, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Some images which show him in battle (for the Powers & abilites section)?--Kreivi Wolter 18:51, September 24, 2009 (UTC)

Endar Spire

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Comments

Mission to Vassek's third moon

  • Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 08:03, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Conclusion of Capture of the Wealthworm, but the article's awkwardly long name is attributed to the pursuit for "factual correctness".

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Good work.--Kreivi Wolter 18:58, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:40, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. When is Nahdar refered to as a general? Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:06, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Ugh, this debate again. I'll just remove it to stop assuming. CC7567 (talk) 23:54, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Apparently, Path of the Jedi depicts another version of the mission, which involves Skywalker, Tano or Yoda being sent to Vassek to assisst Fisto. While obviously non-canon since it contradicts the episode, you may want to add the game's storyline to the Bts. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:45, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Eh, didn't like that game, but addressed. CC7567 (talk) 21:20, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Couldn't the article's title be changed to something like "Mission to Vassek's third moon", or something?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:20, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • It could, yes. CC7567 (talk) 17:22, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • I guess I'll bring up the issue on the article's talk page.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:56, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
        • If it honestly matters that much to you, then I'll change it, but changing the article's name is not worth a poll. CC7567 (talk) 22:12, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Ben Skywalker

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. My favorite character. Great job. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Not the biggest fan of that profile image, but the prose is excellent and the article itself is of high caliber. The Flash {talk} 00:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Chack Attack:
  2. Why is the Jedi Council meddling with FAN?!?
    • Intro: "Solo had just returned to the New Jedi Order after a five-year journey to learn more about the Force, was able to help Skywalker open himself up to the Force gradually, although Skywalker was still apprehensive about it for a while, and it would take him years to become fully adjusted to the Force." A bit of a run-on; please break it up.
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: Three consecutive paragraphs begin "In XX ABY,"; can you change a couple of them?
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: "Eventually Caedus was killed in the Battle of Shedu Maad,": The actual duel in which he was killed has its own article, so is there a reason you linked to and named the battle instead?
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, you should link to Luke's actual court case, though I'm not sure where to place it.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.1 Pre-birth: "The Skywalkers were on the Coruscant beach": Context on the beach, please. A lot of people would be a bit shocked to find out that Coruscant has a beach somewhere in all of that durasteel; I know I was when I first read about it in Rebirth.
    • 1.3.1 Dark Nest Crisis > A new threat: "As Rar and Gorog sped away from Ossus in a stolen skiff, Ben received a final message from the Killik, who said that she wanted Ben to be happy. When he told Luke of Gorog's message," Until now, you've called her "the Gorog". Now you suddenly switch to simply calling her Gorog, as if that is her actual name like Luke, Ben, Leia, etc. Is there a reason for this?
    • I'll continue with "Second Galactic Civil War" in a day or two. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:31, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. From the Council Chambers: (part 2)
    • 1.4.2 Second Galactic Civil War > Operation Roundabout: In the second paragraph, it might be a good idea to mention Ben's repeated failures in the simulation and Jacen's resulting doubt as to whether Ben should go on the mission (that is, if I remember the events of Betrayal correctly). This would also help bring that paragraph in line with the surrounding paragraphs as far as size, though that itself is not a major issue.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.2: In the fourth paragraph, you start three out of four consecutive sentences with "However"; can you change a couple?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.6 Civil unrest: "Skywalker was at Solo's apartment at the time and was unharmed.": Is there a reason for having this sentence? It seems unnecessary to me.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.7 The Galactic Alliance Guard: "Shevu eventually entered the interrogation chamber with Girdun as Skywalker looked on and tried to heal Habuur, but to no avail": Unclear as to whether Shevu or Skywalker was the one who tried to heal Habuur.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.7: "It pointed to a nearby apartment building, which Skywalker and the GAG squad forcibly entered. They met resistance, forcing Skywalker to kill the two men inside." "Forcibly" and "forcing" are a bit repetitive since they have the same root word.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.10 Ziost: "Skywalker checked all of the objects on his belt for a tracking device and found it inside his belt pouch. Skywalker checked the skies for the TIE fighter and saw it speeding toward them." Two straight sentences start with the same two words; can you change one?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.12 Loss of a parent: "He went to the GAG compound and took a speeder, following Lumiya and the Sith ship. He followed it into Hapan space," A "speeder" is purely an atmospheric vehicle, so how did he travel through space?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.13 Change of heart: "He defeated the CSF security detail guarding Omas and afterward had a brief engagement with a security droid but ended up staring down the barrel of Omas' blaster pistol, although Skywalker swiftly disarmed him." A bit of a run-on; please break it into two sentences.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.17 Final victory: The quote contains an error: "you're no better suited to be Sith apprentice" should be "you're no better suited to be a Sith apprentice". If this error is also in Invincible (which I don't have to check), then it deserves a [sic], otherwise it needs corrected.
    • I'll complete the review, beginning with "Travels with his father", by the end of the week. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:40, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
  4. From the Council Chambers: (round 3)
    • 1.5 Travels with his father: Mention should be made at the beginning of this section or and the end of the previous section of Ben's promotion to Knight.
    • 1.5.1 Travels > The Baran Do: You have exactly one subheading under this heading—"The Hidden Ones". One thing I was taught in high school English class is that a point in an outline should never have only a single sub-point. While it doesn't technically apply directly to subheadings in an article, the MediaWiki software automatically converts the headings into the TOC, which is basically an outline. This is clearly nitpicking a little, but I'd like to see either the single sub-heading removed or see a second sub-heading added immediately below "The Baran Do", whichever you feel would be better.
    • 1.5.1: "Ziil stated that he would tell those on the surface that his earlier message about the Skywalkers' deaths was a mistake, and he promised to free his servants and appoint a board of advisers, and in a couple of years they would reassess the situation.": "And" is repetitive here.
    • 1.5.2 The Aing-Tii: "Tadar'Ro took them to a house created for Jorj Car'das, a former smuggler who had once stayed with the Aing-Tii, where they were to stay while learning with the Aing-Tii.": "Stay" is repetitive here.
    • BTS: I'd like to see the BTS expanded a bit. Though individual appearances are probably too numerous to list in full, you should at least mention the series that he appeared in (NJO, Dark Nest, LOTF and FOTJ) and what kind of role he played in each (i.e. minor/major).
    • Last note, though not a objection: Some newbie added something to the BTS about Timothy Zahn the other day. The source provided gives the information about two-thirds of the way down. It's your call on what you want to do with it. Great job. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:43, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
  5. The Flash
    • Refs 30, 31, and 32 are bare URLs - please fix them
    • BTS - needs more refs, just general ones to the books they mention
      • Those are really self-referencing, and don't require ref tags.
    • Also in BTS, is The Lost Lightsaber confirmed to be non-canon? Tales are generally ambig for those set of issues and would better put in the actual history with an ambig tag.
      • Tales 1-20 is generally used as non-canon.
    • I agree with Darth Trayus's comment below - it might be best to put a more time-fitting image of Luke in the "Duel" section.
      • Addressed.
    • This article is in really good shape, actually, and I'd be very happy with it if those points were met - nice work. The Flash {talk} 23:48, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  6. Blacklist:
    • I'm only through the intro, at which point I will be stopping for now, and I've already encountered a profuse amount of under-linking. I've taken care of what I've read thus far, but you will need to comb through the article in its entirety and make sure that everything that needs to be linked is linked, and only once.
      • Addressed, I hope.
    • You also make no mention of his homeworld being Coruscant in the intro despite it being shown in the infobox. Please work this in somewhere.
      • Addressed.
    • The intro's also going to need an Abyss update.
      • Addressed.
    • So is the article, and when you're done with that, a {{spoiler}} tag is going to be necessary.
    • I'm oh-so-positive that more will follow these…—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 00:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
  7. Harrar
    • Your Pre-birth section has some issues, Floyd. You need to re-read Edge of Victory II: Rebirth, specifically pages 195-197 (Ch. 29) and pages 270-273 (Ch. 43), the latter of which deal with Luke's attempt to attack the disease with the dark side and then his series of visions. There's also a bit more info in the Epilogue, pages 290 onwards, which has some relevance in that the Skywalkers are allowed to return to Coruscant. I think all these sections have pertinence (the idea that Cilghal could induce labour but it would probably have killed both of them is interesting (page 195ish)) and that a reasonable chunk of info is missing. If for any reason you can't access the book, I can add the stuff.
      • Added.
        • I'm concerned that what you've added is basically verbatim from the brief summary I gave on IRC of the info that was missing. I'm further concerned by the fact that you added the info into the chronology incorrectly before I alerted you to that fact. This kind of work is very similar to the problems that riddled Mirta Gev, and really does suggest that either you don't have the books to hand and are working off memory and other articles, or that you possess them and are not re-reading them. You've taken out the info on the visions Luke has while he attacks the disease completely, which seems self-defeating as it was in there in the first place. This info isn't that important, I'll admit, but raises questions about the rest of the article. Either re-read the EOV2 pages I have presented you with and do a decent job of incorporating the information, or accept that things aren't quite right here and allow someone else to step in and resolve the issue.
    • There's no info about the Nanny droid in the Coruscant section; I'd like to see some weight added to the Byrt section as well, in that C-3PO is hiding with Ben and his crying is alerting Shesh, whereupon he puts Ben in the locker and then mimics him. The section could also do with re-arrangement so it's not weighted so heavily toward Shesh's viewpoint.
      • Addressed.
        • Not really. The only relevant stuff is that C-3PO is whisked onto the Byrt, he flees to the escape pod launch bay, the ship is boarded, Shesh and the Yuuzhan Vong arrive, Ben wails too loudly, C-3PO hides him, goes into the escape pod, and mimics Ben's cries until Shesh falls for the trick. The Calrissian arrives. At the moment, this article could easily have been used as the source; that's not just me flattering myself either. I recommend re-reading the relevant sections of sbs. With regards to the Nanny droid, you haven't mentioned how it is destroyed during the Solos' attempts to flee the planet, and merely removed the link to the later incarnation at the time of the Dark Nest Crisis, which is just plain lazy.
    • "After the fall of Coruscant, the infant Skywalker was kept for several days in a Jedi stronghold called Eclipse Station, hidden on the Deep Core planet of the same name." -- this can't be right as Eclipse is destroyed in Star by Star.
      • Er... no it wasn't.
        • I'm going to strike this but will look into it further at a later date.
    • "During the Borleias occupation, Ben accompanied his mother everywhere she went, something that Luke Skywalker saw as irrational." -- this reads as though Ben is walking around with Mara and that Luke views Ben's behaviour as irrational. Please re-word and take care to tend towards the passive when discussing Ben at this age; he's basically an object, after all.
    • Addressed.
    • That's it for now; I'll continue with the Dark Nest stuff later. Well done for writing him! -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 15:45, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Heads-up; re added the Databank link for you, it seems to have gotten (accidentally) removed during the article's transition. Firebird File:Moltresheadsig.PNG heart's eye 12:49, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Is there a reason you use such an outdated image of Luke in the "Duel at the Temple" section? He looks younger than Jacen does in the "Regaining his connection to the Force" section. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:18, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Quick note: Abyss update will commence soon, when I have sufficient time. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 14:35, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Great job updating for Abyss. The "Sinkhole Station" section could use an image, to fit with the two previous sections --- I'd recommend using the image of Vestara. Menkooroo 05:07, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Calo Nord

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:17, July 10, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Might as well nom this, too…

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. LordDeathRay (My Sith Holocron) 01:27, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Pre-nom reviewed.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 14:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Great article. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 03:04, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 10:07, October 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. NaruHina
    • Context on the Mando Wars and the Jedi Civil War
      • I took out the Mandalorian Wars part, so far there is no record of his being active during that time, just the Jedi Civil War. Can't just assume that he was without any proof. Context for the JCW and Revan and Malak is there.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters, and then tracked down and murdered his mother and father, who had sold him into slavery when he was a boy." Triple "and." (partially my fault, sorry :P)
    • "amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan" This either needs context or needs to be changed to something like "a Galactic Republic soldier." Revan was not Revan at this point, when his mind was changed, he became a different person and, at this point in continuity, his past as a Sith Lord is irrelevant.
      • True, but the context about his former life is relevant, since it establishes why Malak would send both Nord and Bandon after him and Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Good point.
    • "he butchered his slave masters" I know this is nitpicky but does the Prima Guide specifically say "butchered."
      • After reading the Databank entry, I see that it confirms this. The statement should be sourced to there if it does not appear in the Prima guide.
        • Yes, it does. I got it from the guide.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "After watching Nord kill three Black Vulkars for disturbing him" I don't remember, were the three specified as Vulkars?
      • If Revan converses immediately after Nord kills the thugs, Revan says "I saw how you mopped up those Vulkars"…--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nord and Kang—who themselves tried to make it to the ship—caught Revan and his companions trying to steal the ship." Double "and"
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
        • There's nothing particularly wrong with using two ands in one sentence like that. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:01, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I know. Grammatically it was fine but it still read a bit off. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 05:56, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Kang perished in the fighting and Revan, Shan, and Onasi boarded the Ebon Hawk, picked up the rest of their companions, and fled Taris." Double "and"
    • "When Nord had sufficiently recovered, he had a private audience with Darth Malak aboard the Leviathan and, along with Admiral Karath, told the Sith Lord that Shan had escaped Taris' destruction with the help of Onasi." "Along with Admiral Karath is awkward here. Is there a source that states Nord informed him of Revan being alive here? Also, I don't think Calo and Karath told Malak this together.
      • Took care of "along with", Karath had all the other soldiers leave the bridge before they told Malak. "Lord Malak, forgive me. There is something else. May we have a private audience away from the ears of the common soldiers? "I trust you are not wasting my time, Admiral Karath." "I promise you will be very interested in what Calo has to tell you about Bastila's other companions, Lord Malak".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nord then set out to find Revan and his companions. After Taris' destruction, Revan had become a Padawan to be retrained in the Jedi ways at the Jedi Enclave" "Retrained" is odd here because it hasn't been made clear that Revan forgot his training, didn't finish training, or that he was trained by Jedi at all before this. Reword.
      • I believe the context had been established.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting, Nord told him that he was not in it for the credits; rather, he had a reputation to protect." I'm not sure that you can say that he chose a certain conversation option in the body of the article (unless its the only option, of course).
      • The other dialogue options are aggressive, and un-Jedi like, which I thought went against Wookiepedia policy of 100% light-side choices unless otherwise stated by another source. These are the other options: "You traveled a long way just to die, Calo!" and, "You think I got lucky last time? Okay, let's do it again!".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
        • OK.
    • "With that, Nord attacked Revan, but he and his minions were killed by the redeemed Jedi and his companions" Another mention of his time as a Sith Lord, nothing has been mentioned of anything Revan did that would need penance.
      • Context has been established.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Shortly after Nord's death, Admiral Karath informed Darth Malak of Nord's failure. Malak told Karath that the penalty for failure was death, but that the failure was Nord's." This is slightly confusing. Why would Malak have to tell Karath that the failure was Nord's?
    • In the P&T, when talking about how he knows Basic, I think you could also say that he could comprehend the language(s) of those three aliens who confronted him in the bar.
    • "used a prototype energy shield of Verpine design for extra protection during battle." A link to the specific energy shield would be beneficial if it is stated. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 07:25, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Wasn't Carth a captain, not a commander? NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 20:47, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
      • The Knights of the Old Republic Campaign Guide lists him as having been a commander during the Jedi Civil War, as this is the latest canon, it's what we have to go by.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:31, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Naru, Part Deux
    • "However, Nord was caught under falling debris from the hangar, allowing the group to kill Kang" Wasn't Kang already dead?
      • Yes, he was, thanks for pointing this out. Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:02, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Also, there should probably be a mention of how the events in the hanger differ if Revan brought a sword or a blaster.
      • Huh?
        • The scene plays out a bit differently depending on whether Revan brought a blaster or a sword into the hanger when he fights Nord and Kang. I don't remember if the change had anything specificly to do with how Calo reacted but its something to look into for a Bts note. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:42, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I just played it three times over with all three armed with blasters, then swords, and then fists and got exactly the same dialogue every time. Then out of curiosity, I checked the dialogue file itself (tar08_davik082.dlg) and there are no alternate dialogue paths. I honestly don't know where you got this idea. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 04:50, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
            • Quite odd. I remember playing a difference and then reading it again later but I dunno. It probably wasn't important anyway. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 05:06, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "During his time as a slave, he learned to be ruthless and cold-hearted, so when he turned sixteen years of age, he butchered his slave masters and then murdered his parents." That he tracked down and killed his parents is only in the intro. Also a double "and"
    • "Aboard his flagship Leviathan, Darth Malak came to the conclusion that the search for Shan was taking too long and ordered the Sith Admiral Saul Karath to have the Sith fleet destroy Taris in order to kill the Jedi. After Revan and his companions disabled the hangar bay's security systems in Kang's estate, they attempted to make it to the Ebon Hawk." It sortof jumps here from the order to their escape. Why are they trying to leave the planet? NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:27, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Taken care of. Context provided in second paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:49, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Escape from what? The Sith? Why would they need the Ebon Hawk specifically? There should be a small mention that it possessed the codes neccisary to bypass the Sith blockade somewhere. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:42, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Please take a look at the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:10, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Harrar
    • When the Sith began bombarding Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, an amnesiac soldier, actually Revan; the Republic commander Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo, when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk. There are many things wrong with the sentence; you can't have two "whens", your semi-colon and comma use are messed up, the Revan information is jarring, the Ebon Hawk is not a flagship, they confront them in the hangar rather than set out to kill them...etc.
      • One of the "whens" is omitted. It now reads "during their attempt to steal"… I'm changing "flagship" to "freighter", but it should be noted that in-game, both Hudrow, Kang's pilot, and Ordo refer to the ship as "Davik's flagship.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The former Dark Lord Revan—who was betrayed by Malak...[text]...Revan watched Nord kill two Rodians so that he could collect the bounties on their heads." - this entire section is written from Revan's point of view, but this is Nord's biography. Please correct this.
    • In fact, the entire Taris section is oriented towards Revan's activities. You need to re-structure this so it relates to Nord.
      • Take a look at it, might need to do more work at it, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:19, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • I find the way you repeat language used in the section quotations very distracting. For example: Sorry, I'm not in this for the credits. You're the only ones who've ever gotten away from me—I've got a rep to protect! Nord told him that he was not in it for the credits; rather, he had a reputation to protect. I'm sure you can paraphrase the information in a better fashion.
      • The whole thing about Nord citing his damaged reputation and all is not really important, so I removed it. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:58, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • While it's great to see key characters from KotOR getting FAed, I feel that the general apathy towards reviewing these nominations should be considered by nominators. I know that it's my role to read through these articles, but they tend to repeat the same information, in the same style, from vaguely different perspectives. Game mechanics are always very obvious, and when dialogue is simply converted into indirect speech with no regard for the dullness of the repetition, it becomes a little tiresome. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:04, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • I understand your concerns, but I don't feel there is anything I, or anyone, can do about that. As you know, there is simply not enough info beyond the game on characters such as Nord or Bandon. They were created by BioWare merely as boss characters, Hopefully, the comic series will feature these, and other, characters in the future. In the future, I'll try to be careful about converting dialogue into indirect speech. Thank you for the review.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:58, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
        • Thanks, Kasra, for addressing these points so quickly and effectively. My apologies for the nature of my comments. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 10:07, October 7, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • This is not a formal objection because I don't really believe in image objections except in the most extreme circumstances, but do you think it could use more screenshots from KOTOR? Actual live-action shots from the game feel underrepresented somehow. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 18:29, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
  • You make a good point, but seeing as I don't know how to upload images from the game, I'm kinda in a bind. Maybe one of the other users could help? Plus, the live-action pics would have to not include Revan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Full credit goes to Nayayen for uploading this image for the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:16, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
  • OK, in lieu of this, full credit goes to Nayayen for this image.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:34, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Hey, Naru, I'm waiting for the results of this before I do more worl with the nom. I'll get the objections taken care of as soon as I can, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:05, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Alright. Good luck with it. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 03:18, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
  • I found this link on Nord's talk page. It states that this dude named Max Raphael voiced Nord. I was wondering if it's legit.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:27, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • I did some digging around and the only vague source is from IMDB saying that Max Raphael did "Additional voices". He is the narrator for the History channel's "Modern Marvels" and they certainly sound the same but I can't find anything saying explicitly that he did voice Nord. Apparently he is actually known as Lloyd Sherr, but that yields nothing more. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:40, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Oh, well. Thanks, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:20, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nayayen gets credit for this image. Thanks, man.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:49, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Gorc

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 07:24, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: It is time for this stupid guy to join his FA brother...

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. I know how it feels when brother is better than you : ) --Kreivi Wolter 20:31, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Please watch your linking. CC7567 (talk) 21:15, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:56, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 14:53, October 18, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. There are several references to Kyle that should say Katarn. Since Morgan's dead before Kyle comes into it I can't see that there would be any confusion. Green Tentacle (Talk) 16:30, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
    • Addressed. Thanks for the review. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 16:44, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Zam Wesell

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. This is the kind of article I like to see featured. Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 04:22, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Even a shapeshifter could not keep up with the galaxy's pace of change… -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:05, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Okey, Farlstendoiro, change back to your real face
    • Intro: As she has not used so many different names, I strongly suggest to add the known ones in the intro: Zam Wesell, sometimes known as Marby Welcus
      • I would have, except that she only used that name on one occasion in canon. This is no different than the individual times she impersonated Holowan or Fernooda. The one occasion is a quick detail that is not needed in the intro. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Intro: It was then revealed that a seedy underworld general... It was revealed, or Wesell discovered?
      • Revealed to Wesell—although, implied that such was an accident. She did not actively seek to discover it. Clarified in the text. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Intro: capitol-world of Coruscant. I think you mean capital, not capitol but I'm not sure (Used twice)
    • Bio/Early life: The first paragraph has three successive refnotes for [10]. Only the last one is needed; you don't need to source three successive sentences if all of them have the same exact source. This explains my point better than I do.
      • Maybe I'm incorrect, but I was taught on this site that partial sentences (such as the first and last of the three) should be cited separately. If I'm wrong, I'll gladly change it; I just thought it was supposed to be that way. Removed anyway. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Bio/Early life: Third level mastery of the Mabari martial arts. Is that very high? Is it the highest level, the lowest level...?
    • Bio/Encounter on Oovo IV: At the same time, Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett was also in pursuit of Fust. Why? Was he pursuing the same reward? If so, it should be added.
    • Bio/Mission to Malastare: Fett retorted, "You're lucky I don't kill you. I'm allowing you to tag along because you might be useful.". Not a real objection, but a suggestion: Maybe you could avoid directly quoting characters in the text? Again, later: "I've got a bounty to hunt." "Take care of yourself, Jango… until next time." "It was just a job."
    • Bio/Mission to Malastare: Context for Montross in his first mention, not two sentences later.
    • Bio/Intrigue on Tatooine: She then provided information about the Hutts which had originally been provided by Watto Confusing: Watto provided that information to whom?
    • Bio/Conspiracy exposed and defeated: Fett was knocked off the walkway by a Wookiee. Suggestion: Consider adding some context specifying that it was not some Wookiee bystander but one of Khorda's minions. Suggestion: Add instead some words in the previous paragraph to specify that Khorda was not alone at the power relay.
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: You have previously talked about, and linked, Tyranus; now you mention and link Dooku. Maybe you should do something, perhaps contextualize. Maybe simply "Dooku, a previous employer of Fett".
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: The explosive device, however, also had a flaw. A technical hitch in the triggering mechanism also allowed the Senator to escape. I don't understand the sentence: The Senator escaped because she was not there. Maybe you mean that the hitch would have allowed her to escape even if she was in the bomb's range?
      • Unfortunately, that is the problem with two slightly conflicting sources. The fact files do not expand other than what I've put and any closer to the original text would be plagiarism. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: The droid R2-D2, which was scanning Which or who?
    • Powers/Shape-shifting: For Clawdites, however, this process was extremely painful and it took great skill to achieve.[11] Wesell, however, developed skills in her shape-shifting and became highly skilled at self-alteration. You used word "however" twice in successive sentences. Consider a synonym.
    • Powers/tactical skills: Yet, her most important skill was her shape-shifting ability Who says it was more important than other skills? NPOV?
      • That is cited directly to the Fact File. Off hand, I believe the exact wording is something like "most vital." — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • Oh, evil Fact Files.
    • Equipment: Her obtaining the Koro-2 in a mining colony contrlled by the Mining Guild and a custom-made droid made by the Malkite Poisoners could be added to her biography.
      • Mentions made, although talking about the speeder does break up the flow substantially. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • Again a little fix and hope you don't mind.
    • Bts/Character development: Early drafts of the Episode Two scripts referred to Wesell as a "C.A.T.," a Corporate Alliance Trooper I strongly believe Corporate Alliance should be a link.
      • Done, but that does fall under {{sofixit}}. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • I thought about {{sofixing}} it myself, but decided against: It was too much assuming that you wouldn't mind such a change.
    • Bts: Theomet Danlé's background was created by "winstonvalleyjedi" through What's the Story?, heavily using Wessel. Maybe when you mention Danlé in BtS, you could add this detail.
    • I've made some slight changes, removing repeated links and adding spaces and so under {{sofixit}}. Hope you don't mind. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:31, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Fett
    • Hey Fiolli, I'll begin with the first few sections of Zam's Early life.
    • "She was a member of the Clawdite species, who had become changelings due to genetic engineering gone awry centuries prior to her birth." For the "who had become changelings", specify who the "who" was.
    • "Eventually, however, she was exposed." What was she exposed too?
    • Mission to Malastare-"At that moment, Wesell realized that Fett was working another, larger job and demanded that she be involved." Missing a word "and demanded that she be involved.". Also, while I did played Bounty Hunter, they conferred inside Fett's new ship. I'm not sure were they are in the article, quite confusing.
      • I honestly don't see anything missing. Plus, the first two sentences of that paragraph establish that they are in the ship. I changed a the to his, but it does establish the setting.
        • I see.
    • I feel like I'm playing Bounty Hunter again while reading "Mission to Malastare". :) Perhaps lessen the pbp.
    • Mission to Malastare-"By nightfall, Fett still had not climbed the cliff." Merging this sentence with the previous will make it flow better.
    • MtM-"Connecting statements by Montross about Komari Vosa to his pursuits of Sebolto, she surmised that he was after the former-Jedi–turned–cult-leader of the Bando Gora via private invitation." For the "former-Jedi–turned–cult-leader", Vosa left the order and became Dooku's Dark Jedi apprentice. Perhaps simplify/shorten that meaning.
    • End of the Hunt-"The Mandalorian proceeded to the moon of and was immediately attacked by Bando Gora slaves." Missing a word after "moon of"
    • I'm seeing linking within the captions of the images. While you linked the subjects in her bio, do you think it's relevant that you also linked them in the captions?
      • I thought it was, but I plan to deal specifically with the images once the article is more worked through by the Inq. Things can always change dramatically. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:39, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I'll continue with "Infant of Shaa incident (27 BBY)". Interesting read so far Fiolli. I'm surprised to see other Wookieepedians, other than myself, are interested in Zam/Jango :P JangFett Talk 18:39, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Somehow Scum and Villainy (sourcebook) was forgotten. Will add within a couple days. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:51, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. Attack of the Clone
    • "It was during this time that Wesell met another Clawdite": can this "other Clawdite" get an article? I don't see why he doesn't have one.
    • "End of the hunt" is starting to get extremely pbp. Try to see if you can smooth the flow.
    • Please watch your linking...it's been seriously lacking in the small portion I've read. I would highly recommend that you check the rest of the article before I pick up my review. I'll continue with "Crossed contracts" soon. CC7567 (talk) 05:15, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "The contract had been placed by a rival named Antonin": I'm assuming you mean that he was a rival of Dreddon's, but please clarify.
      • Reworded.
    • In "Stealing the artifact" (and basically thoughout the whole article), please check your "dispatching with"; I'm unsure of what you mean. I don't believe it's an English idiom.
      • "Dispatching with" is a more formal way of expressing that she took care of them, or bested them in some kind of either battle or fight.
    • "to that point": ...to what point? Please clarify.
      • Tweaked.
    • As amusing the word "thug" is, can you try to vary it a bit?
      • Varied.
    • "The bounty hunter appeared as a thin, timid man who acted as a disoriented and confused simpleton." So she was acting as a man, who was acting as a simpleton? If that's factually correct, then I guess it's fine, but if not, I think this can be worded better.
      • That is factually correct. That's why I used "appeared" first and "acted" second to have some variance.
    • A note before I get into "Plot to assassinate Senator Amidala": for consistency, I would recommend only using quotes in the sub-sub-headers (i.e. "First assassination attempt" and "Second assassination attempt and death") instead of under the main "Plot" as well. It's the only time you do that in the article, and it looks like you're just trying to use as many quotes as you can. CC7567 (talk) 07:05, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
    • Please check this image caption: "Wesell while being confronted by Jango Fett her first attempt to kill Senator Amidala failed."
    • "However, Wesell possessed an ability to mimic a Dug, which required some bodily reconfiguration and create extra skin to hide explosives when infiltrating Kuat." Can you do rephrasing for "create"? I can't tell what it's supposed to be linked to.
    • "Furthermore, most Clawdites only possessed the ability to alter skin tone; or, at most, other humanoid species." Please check the last part; from the context, it doesn't sound like you're trying to say "alter other humanoid species."
    • "While it was extremely rare": I'm assuming you mean rare for Clawdites, but please clarify.
    • Are you absolutely sure that she used her blaster pistol during the Clone Wars when they hadn't even begun on Geonosis?
    • "The explosives were available to use": I can't understand how, and your wording implies that they were available for anyone to use.
    • "Jango Fett freed Wesell from the beast and instructed her to drop the cylindrical devices. They exploded, killing the creature." Please explain how this is relevant to the "Equipment" section. It's reading right out of the "History," and as the Equipment really shouldn't include anything beyond a brief history, this is rather excessive. If you need to keep it in, please shorten it. (In this case, Fett doesn't appear to be relevant either.)
    • "The wreckage of the droid was later recovered and included a status log of Wesell's bounties." Please check the time implications this sentence gives; it doesn't sound like it suddenly included a status log when it was found.
      • Reworded.
    • Please rephrase "successfully asked." All that means is that she asked something, and that doesn't mean that she got what she was asking for.
    • Please vary one of your uses of "learned of her death" in Boba's section.
    • A very interesting read, Fiolli. CC7567 (talk) 03:20, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Harrar
    • "Wesell made Holowan give an attempt to deactivate the device, but failed, shocking the woman." — can this be re-phrased? I'm uncertain as to what's going on.
    • Learning that his next target was on Balmorra, the bounty hunters departed." Grodo links to a character from The Hutt Gambit. Is this the case?! I'm surprised but very impressed if it is.
    • You don't mention Wesell's final words, when she curses Fett in Huttese (to my knowledge). Is there any reason for this?
      • Yes, I felt there were more important quotes to include, and room was lacking to force this one in. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:14, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
        • Are you sure about this exclusion? It seems like we're whitewashing this moment, which is essentially Wesell using her last breaths to curse Jango for the betrayal of their relationship. I'd say it's significant, even if it doesn't mesh well with some of the other material. And also, people who've watched the film might wish to know what she says as she dies. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 11:36, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
          • I added more detail of the material to the prose, but I see no place to add the exact quote. Plus, I have nothing that provides an exact translation to what she said. The word "murishani" is fanon. The sources I have give different words. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:07, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  6. *Any way the Danlé bomb and the landing pad bomb can have both been used by Wesell?
      • It is possible, but no source reconciles the two methods. I decided to refrain from speculating how it could have been done. That is why the comments about it are in the Bts. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:14, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
    • Sure thing.
    • I did a copyedit and re-worded some stuff, removing quotations from within the prose and turning them into indirect speech as best I could. I also changed some "dispatched with"s by removing "with", which I believe is an unnecessary preposition. It was a thoroughly enjoyable read though; I read it all in one sitting! Well done on an important movie character; furthermore, excellently and painstakingly researched. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 19:08, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I am aware that one—and possibly two—images are in violation of WP:I at the moment because of blanked speech bubbles. I am working on having this rectified as quickly as possible. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Is there a reason almost every image is on the right side? Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 00:26, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
      • Yes, for uniformity and aesthetic appearance since I placed the noncaptioned images under the relationship heading in a similar manner as key characters in OOU articles. There is no set rule that all have to be in alternating sides, so encyclopedic uniformity was preferred to having images dancing around the page from side to side which, in the case of this article, looked quite poor. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:20, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
        • You can still alternate the images and then have the two noncaptioned ones on the one side. Personally, I think having them all on the one side doesn't look great aesthetically, and might distract readers' attentions because it's not what they're used to seeing. Either way, I think it looks odd. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:29, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
          • Yes it does. It just doesn't suit that they are all in the same side.--Kreivi Wolter 12:11, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Many thanks to Redemption for taking care of the two images in question. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:08, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  • I added an update tag for you. There's some interesting info consering her romance with another Clawdite and her daughter in the Scum and Villainy (sourcebook), pages 113-114. MauserComlink 15:45, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kiros

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: None

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:21, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 05:28, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • "The Republic forces—led by High Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker—fought through the capital, only to discover that the whole planet's population had mysteriously disappeared." I don't think you need "mysteriously" here, since you already say what happened.
      • Addressed
    • " With Kiros liberated, the Jedi set off to gain more intelligence from Zygerrian slavers who often passed through the remains of the Shi'kar homeworld." Is the fact that the Zygerrian slavers hung out around the Shi'kar homeworld really notable enough for the intro? It seems rather random.
      • Addressed
    • "Nineteen planet rotations later," Why do you word it like this instead of "Nineteen days"?
      • Because that's what the comic says.
    • Are CC-7567 and CC-2224's nicknames really necessary?
      • CC-2224's, maybe not. But 7567 plays a larger role in the battle, and as such, he is mentioned more. I just don't feel like it to address him by his designation every time.
    • "Kenobi, however, squashed the projector with the Force" Squashed is rather colloquial.
      • Changed to "crushed".
    • "Ugg fell a long road from his headquarters" A long road?
      • Addressed
    • Good job. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:02, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Vectivus

  • Nominated by: NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 18:47, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Not as badass as some other Darths, but just as important.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:15, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 10:41, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
  4. --Darth Jadious Sith Emblem 14:35, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • Quotes for Life or Legacy?
    • The sections detailing the events of Betrayal don't flow well.
      • It's better now.
    • Lots of short, choppy sentences that need to be merged together.
    • "The One Sith Order arrived at the asteroid, intent on destroying Vectivus's asteroid, and the dark side powers it contained, so that it would not fall into the hands of the Jedi and Galactic Alliance forces. " Asteroid is repetitive.
      • Fixed.
    • Quote for P&T?
      • Added.
    • Quote for P&A? I'm sure you could find some quotes in Betrayal.
      • Added
    • Expand the BtS. Give some info on Darth Vectivus' appearances in Star Wars canon.
    • IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 05:23, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Cav:
    • There is no mention of any type of Sith apprenticeship in the intro. A little mention should be added before the revelation that he took a Sith name.
      • Added.
    • After the dark side energies slowly lead to his mining crews going insane, force-sensitives among the crews manifesting odd abilities, and strange sights through the mines. You appear to be missing the end of this sentence - you say "after" these things happened, but give no indication as to what happened after listing the examples.
      • Fixed.
    • Ensuring that the mine would be quietly forgotten about, while other operations in the asteroid field continued; after learning all there was to learn from the place, the man took the name Darth Vectivus, departed, and began to quietly gather information of Sith lore through peaceful means. This makes little sense as it is, seeming like two unrelated sentences meshed together. Please rewrite, as well as expanding on how he ensured the mine was forgotten about.
    • Fixed. How he did it is never revealed.
    • Check your name usage - surnames should be used instead of first names. I see a few Nelani, Ben, and Jacens in place of Dinn, Skywalker, and Solo.
      • Fixed.
    • Darth Vectivus's holocron containing his words on business ethic and a detailed explaination of the the use of his Force Phantom techniques later came into the possession of the One Sith, a growing new order of Sith following the Rule of One, who gave it to Alema Rar, a Twi'lek Dark Jedi, when she visited their base. Run on sentence. Please break up.
    • The One Sith did not approve of Lumiya's plan to turn Jacen Solo to the dark side so they ordered Alema to deliver the holocron to Solo, newly christened Darth Caedus. What was newly christened as Caedus? Solo or the plan to turn him? Its a little unclear.
      • How's this?
    • Mention of the Force phantoms power and Vectivus' mastery of it needs to be mentioned in the Life section before using it in the Legacy section. - Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 11:04, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Sorry, but no. He was practically abandoned as a motivator after Lumiya and Alema died and I've personally word searched all of LOTF for indirect mentions of him but could find nothing aside from those appearances. He's also still a pretty new character when you look at the amount of LOTF era material and sourcebooks pertanent to his line of work released since his inception, so I've found nothing else unfortunately.
    • In light of Naru's block, I volunteer to handle future objections for this nom. Grunny (Talk) 23:31, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

Tauht

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:22, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A redshirt-type character, whose article has somehow reached 1,082 words. Enjoy.

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 06:23, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Too bad Jedi are used as redshirts.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:09, September 25, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 11:07, October 20, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 22:51, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
  5. ~ SavageBob 22:12, October 24, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • "Along with Jedi Masters Kit Fisto and Plo Koon, he was dispatched to the planet Khorm in order to secure the valuable Agrocite ore, which had been captured by the Separatists." Why is the agrocite ore valuable?
      • Addressed.
    • " However, the communication tower was destroyed by explosives detonated by Ventress." Give some kind of time placement for this. Was it as Tauht tried to contact Koon?
      • Addressed.
    • "Having been warned not to underestimate Ventress," When?
      • The exact timeframe is unknown. I hope "previously" should do the trick...
    • Other than that, looks good. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 05:46, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Single source for now. I'll source the article if he gets mentioned in the subsequent issues.
    • Being a redshirt, he was completely forgotten after his death... QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:24, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
  • P&T and P&A are pretty minimal, but that's all there is to say about him. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:22, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
  • http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Cannon. Cannon can work as the singular or plural; as far as I know Webster is an American English dictionary. Please re-introduce [sic] if I am incorrect. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 11:17, October 20, 2009 (UTC)
  • Should it be "Master Koon" or "Master Plo?" Obi-Wan uses "Master Plo" in Republic Heroes, so that's why I ask. ~ SavageBob 14:52, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • His last name is Koon, not Plo, and I'm sure you're aware of whether we currently use first or last names in articles. CC7567 (talk) 19:47, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
      • Exactly. On a side note, I actually believe that it is acceptable to use both first and last names with the "Master" title, as I remember hearing "Master Obi-Wan" somewhere. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:38, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
      • Well, that's what I'm asking: For Kel Dor, which is the family name, and which is the given name? In our own galaxy, for instance, the Japanese routinely place the family name first and the given name last. Are we therefore sure that Kel Dor follow Western practice rather than do as the Japanese? Is he Master Plo or Master Koon? ~ SavageBob 22:46, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
        • There are no sources on this matter to my knowledge, so unless you have a source that says the contrary, Koon is his last name. You're better off asking this somewhere else than here to get a more definite response. CC7567 (talk) 22:55, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kal'Shebbol

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote --Eyrezer 11:24, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 21:00, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 10:57, October 20, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Is it known where it first appeared? CC7567 (talk) 20:57, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Generis

  • Nominated by: --Eyrezer 00:45, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A generic planet article

(4 Inqs/1 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 10:42, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 05:37, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. ~ SavageBob 13:55, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 05:32, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:43, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. A few trifles
    • Intro: "Generis became a strategic location for the Alliance, coordinating its forces throughout the Atrivis sector." — this reads as though Generis is coordinating the Alliance forces, could you reword this a litte/add what's necessary?
      • Done
    • Locations: "Ruins of Rakatan temples dotted the Generis jungle, of a distinctly alien design" — it seems a little strange to state that the temples were made by the (alien) Rakata and that the temples were of a "distinctly alien design". Is this a throwback to the pre-Atlas article's info or do you want to keep this in?
      • A combination, really. The description is from pre-Atlas sources, and as it is the only indicator of their design, I'd like to keep it. I think it does add something, although I've added the word exotic to convey their alien-ness.
        • Okay cool!
    • This is just a great article, Ey; I really enjoyed reading it. Interesting that they tied in the ruins to the Rakata in the Atlas. - —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 11:25, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review and the words, Harrar. From what I can tell, they gave Rakatan origins to temples on other worlds too, such as Hijarna and Xo, which is a really nice bit of continuity. --Eyrezer 00:46, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. IFYLOFD:
  3. Prepare to be savaged...
    • My only quibble is that the ambiguity between "Generis system" and "Atrivis system" is not spelled out a bit more in the infobox and lead section. It makes it a bit jarring to see "Generis system" used in the lead, but "Atrivis system" used in the infobox. Could you change it to something that indicates both names are valid? "Atrivis sytem/Generis system" maybe, or "Atrivis system (a.k.a. Generis system", for example? Otherwise, this is an exemplary planet article. Good work! ~ SavageBob 21:32, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review. I've added the alternate name to the infobox and also changed any occurrences of Atrivis system in the body to Generis system. --Eyrezer 07:23, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Just out of curiosity, what system name does the Essential Atlas place it in? ~ SavageBob 13:56, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Generis in the Appendix, as well as on a couple of maps. --Eyrezer 03:04, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. Are you sure it was the capture of Coruscant in 6 ABY, not the First Battle of Coruscant (Galactic Civil War) in 7 ABY? If you are, please link the one you're referring to. CC7567 (talk)
    • Good spotting, CC. I am not sure what happened there. Fixed up now. --Eyrezer 03:14, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
  5. From the Moffship of Grand Moff Tranner:
    • Only one thing, which really has nothing to do with Generis: "Pash Cracken commanded the Cracken Flight Group, a crack unit of RZ-1 A-wing interceptors that had followed him when he defected from the Empire soon after graduating from the Imperial Naval Academy." - this implies the unit used A-wings in the Empire before their defection.
      • Clarified. Good spotting. --Eyrezer 23:41, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • Great job. Very well done. I like the fact that you mentioned Cracken's crack Cracken Flight Group. :p Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:30, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • This is going to need quite a few additions from the Atlas, which may take a little while. I'll note when I've done that. --Eyrezer 03:56, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Can we get an update on this? I don't want to dive into the article not knowing if it might radically change in a few days. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 13:55, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
  • I'm looking at the Travel Times in the BTS section taken from Star Wars Rebellion and cringing. We all know Rebellion is a fairly dubious source for geography, and those times given are purely game mechanics. Plus the whole issue of travel times seems pretty inconsistent across the board anyway. I think it's best to remove it, what do you guys think? --Azizlight 01:45, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Cham Syndulla

  • Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 22:29, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Another old GA. Finally had the time to rewrite it from its rather poor state.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote I hear you liek clone warz! Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:35, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Exelent.Kreivi Wolter 20:09, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Grunny (Talk) 03:42, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Good work.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, October 21, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Blah
    • "Syndulla did not not onto his personal disputes with Taa" Err...what? :P You're missing a word.
    • "because of later changes due to a lack of sense in the plot" So, they changed it because the plot made no sense? Could you rephrase this a bit? It's a touch...odd, and POVish.
    • Real nice work, CC. Chack Jadson (Talk) 15:35, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review, Chack. Just a note: I've replaced the Palpatine link in the quote caption because it's the only time he's in the article. If there's a problem with that, I'll try to catch you on IRC later. CC7567 (talk) 17:43, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Grunny:
    • One minor thing: "Syndulla did not not onto his personal disputes with Taa if doing so meant the loss of his people's lives or freedom." First part of the sentence doesn't make sense, and I'm not exactly sure what you wanted to say or I would have fixed it myself :).
      • Huh. I could've sworn I put "hold". Anyway, fixed.
    • Just a note, you seem to be using "preceding" to refer to something that follows, when it means something which came before. Otherwise an excellent read :-). Grunny (Talk) 14:38, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
      • And my "extensive vocabulary" goes out the window. Thanks for the review, Grunny. CC7567 (talk) 16:36, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Fang Zar

  • Nominated by: Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:19, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:I felt the need to take a short break from TCW. Won't last long.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 22:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:27, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Graestan the Merciless:
    • File:ROTSFalcon.jpg needs to be properly sourced.
      • I'm willing to do this, however I'm not exactly sure how to source for the back of a toy. Any help would be appreciated.
      • I just added a link to Rebelscum.com and listed the series and year. Realistically, that's the best you're going to get. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:23, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • File:Sithdelscener1pic2.jpg needs to be recaptured and re-uploaded; one can barely make out Zar even in the full image, let alone the thumbnail.
      • Eh, I wasn't a big fan of the image anyway. It's been replaced.
    • Source list needs to be ordered chronologically.
      • Isn't it?
        • This objection is not fixed. Graestan(Talk) 02:24, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
          • No need to be rude, thank you. We can be more mature than that. And it is indeed chronological in order of release. If you see the issue that I'm not, {{sofixit}}. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:19, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
            • It's only the appropriate response to your ridiculous message on my talk page. Did you read the message at the top? I figured you might need to have the objection which is not fixed pointed out to you. Ordering a source list is not difficult, but I am not going to be the one who roots around and does it; one mistake is enough for me to know it needs to be done. Try actually working on your own article instead of ordering the Inq to work on your article and perhaps this process will be a bit faster. You should note that my objection is not the only thing keeping this article from passing. Graestan(Talk) 13:58, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
              • I wasn't ordering you to do anything. I, like several others, left a message on your talk page despite your request at the top because your objections sat idle for an extended period of time, and we were all under the impression that those objections had been addressed. It's common courtesy to inform us that they were not if you believe they were not. And if I weren't willing to work on my own article, I wouldn't have nominated it Graestan. Nor would I hope that the reviewers keep an eye on their objections. If I didn't want to work on it, I would let it sit idle for months instead of trying to get it approved. And I already "rooted around" and did the work. It is chronological in order of release. In addition, I never said it was the only thing keeping this article from passing. I know the requirements for an FA. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:39, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • Appearance list needs to be ordered IU chronologically.
      • Done.
    • Succession box needs to be moved per Wookieepedia:Layout Guide.
      • Done.
    • Before I touch the writing, I'd like to see someone go through this and add pronouns and other substitutes for "Zar" so this looks a bit less like a book report.
      • I will work on this a bit, but most of the "Zar's" arise from the fact that he is very often dealing with other male individuals, like Palpatine, Bel Iblis, Vader, and Organa, resulting in confusing "he"s or "him"s or "his"es. But, like I said, I will work on this as much as possible.
    • Graestan(Talk) 14:20, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • "Zar and Amidala were weary of these "actions,"": I believe you mean "wary", but please check this.
      • I always do that.
    • Please check your capitalization of "petition". It may be right, but I'd prefer that you check it all the same.
      • From what I've seen, it should be right now. I think.
    • "but was quickly cut off by the Chancellor and excused from his offices": please check your plural for "offices"; if I'm understanding the context correctly, I believe it should be "office", as in "Palpatine's office". As I'm not fully sure, please check this as well.
      • Simple typo, however it's technically correct either way, as a series of rooms comprising one large office can be reffered to as "offices."
    • "on the membership and activities of the Delegation": please check this; it's not flowing very well.
      • How is this not flowing well? I'm not seeing the problem, so please suggest an alternative.
        • It's the "membership of the Delegation", mostly. Do you mean his membership to the Delegation, or the members of the Delegation? CC7567 (talk) 20:41, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
          • I meant that they were interrogating him on the other members of the delegation. I've changed "memebership" to "members"—does that help, or are you looking for something else?
            • No, that's fine. CC7567 (talk) 22:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Can you specify what exactly this conflict on Sern Prime is if it's known?
      • It's not.
    • "that may have been homespun": please, try to word it so that it doesn't sound speculative, even if it's coming from an official source.
      • Removed. It's official that they appear homespun, but that's all, so there's really no non-speculative way to word it.
    • Your writing has come a long way, Trayus, and the only prominent errors I'm really noticing are just ones with awkward wording. If you get the chance, Toprawa has offered to help you with this in regards to EV-A4-D, and I believe that it would really benefit you. CC7567 (talk)
      • If these wording issues are part of your objection for this article, please leave them to be addressed here, instead of waiting for Toprawa to bring them up in a meeting regarding entirely different article.Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:27, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
        • The wording wasn't part of the objection; sorry if I left that for misinterpretation. CC7567 (talk) 20:41, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Skippy; took me a while to find anything to object.
    • Three other Databank entries (Padmé Amidala, Mon Mothma and Bail Organa) mention Fang Zar. I've added them to the sources under Template:Sofixit. Please, check them and consider adding new information, if any, and/or new footnotes. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:36, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Just as a note for the Inqs, Graestan's objections, which were addressed a day after their posting, have sat unstricken for a month now. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:20, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Lensi

  • Nominated by: -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:01, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A far less complicated nom than Alema; Lensi was a Rogue Squadron pilot and one of the few Rogue Leaders who it's possible to FA without multitudinous resources. The bio's actually made more interesting by what may have been a CSWE error.

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:47, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 18:09, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. A shot of marinara:
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • By "second mission" in the intro, I'm assuming that you mean the Third Battle of Duro; however, please clarify. (As in here on the FAN page, but if you feel the need to reword the intro, please do so; it wasn't immediately clear to me when I read it.)
      • It does refer to the Third Battle of Duro, but I can see how it might be misleading. Tell you what, if another reviewer has the same issue, I'll re-word it.
        • That sounds fine. CC7567 (talk) 18:09, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • Can you clarify what "One Flight" is, as well as "Three Flight"? If I'm understanding the context correctly, they appear to warrant articles.
    • "The experience of fighting under false pretenses stayed with Lensi, and was relieved in 29 ABY following the Third Battle of Duro." Please check your word choice of "relieved"; I've read it over and over, but the sentence flow isn't smooth here and I can't tell what "relieved" refers to.
      • It's a typo! Meant to be "relived". Sorry bout that.
    • Please change around one of the "although"s in the P&T.
      • Done.
    • For the first time, I'm actually kind of familiar with a Legacy article's storyline, as I've recently read through the NEC. The article's detail makes it even more of an interesting read. CC7567 (talk) 06:59, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Pictures are sadly stuff that relate to Lensi…succession boxes (which suck), list him as Rogue Leader in 40 ABY, which to the best of my knowledge is when Fury is placed in the timeline. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:01, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I will be on vacation for two weeks as of the 29th August; I am happy to respond to a plethora of objections on my return. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 23:56, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Quoreal

  • Nominated by: -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:00, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The Xim the Despot of the Yuuzhan Vong—never seen, only referenced. His story is brought together from snippets of information across several books and sources, so it should be a concise and non-narrative read. Reflecting the disparate nature of the info, I've referenced the article to page numbers, or chapters when describing big events. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:00, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:47, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 18:48, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Menkooroo 23:20, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Marinara:
  2. Menkooroo 04:57, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • From the behind the scenes section: "In The New Jedi Order Sourcebook, published in 2002 when The New Jedi Order series was still four years away from its finale in 2005"... The last part of that sentence needs all kinds of changing. Menkooroo 04:57, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Attack of the Clone
    • Are you entirely sure that every part of the intro currently in there is necessary? About a fourth of it is basically his legacy, and I can't see exactly why it needs that much detail. Please shorten it if possible.
      • I took out the last sentence and trimmed some fat, but I was largely making use of the precendent of Xendor for this FA, which is similarly structured due to the fact that more is known of the results of the character's actions than the actions themselves.
    • Please try to clarify earlier in the Bts what the "penultimate installment" of the NJO series actually is.
      • Done.
    • As with the intro, I'm going to ask you to check if all the detail in his legacy is necessary. Ultimately, I'm going to be relying on your judgment in the end, but please make sure that you feel that the current level of detail is appropriate. CC7567 (talk) 05:20, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • I've removed several lines of what could be seen as extraneous, but indeed much of the character's life becomes relevant in the last two novels and in the story of the Yuuzhan Vong redemption, which is one of the over-arching storylines of The New Jedi Order. I'm a bit of a sucker for Legacy sections, but I don't feel I've overwrought this one. Most of the sentences pertain to mentions of Quoreal in the two novels. Thanks for the review -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 17:23, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Hopefully a better image of Zonama Sekot is included in the Atlas? If not I'll include the one on this article. Finally, this sentence on CUSWE "Others began to wonder if Quoreal had wanted to find a peace with the New Republic and learn more about Zonama Sekot, since the planet seemed to provide a linkage between the Yuuzhan Vong and the peoples of the Republic." no doubt has some grounding, but I can't find the reference following a mind-numbingly dull search of The Unifying Force. I'll keep looking, but for the time being I'd like to nominate him. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:00, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
    • As with Lensi; I'm away for two weeks from the 29th August and it is unlikely that I will be able to deal with objections pertaining to Quoreal. If things move fast and only a little thing is holding it up, however, one of the Inqs is free to make any changes they like to get the article off the queue. If there need to be sweeping changes though, I'll deal with them on my return. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 00:00, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kadavo

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:41, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Yet another TCW comic battle...

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. JangFett Talk 22:14, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 07:03, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Fett
    • Intro-"Following some links that led them to Zygerria, Skywalker, Kenobi, Tano and Captain CC-7567 infiltrated the auction and tried to rescue the Togrutas, but were eventually captured by the Zygerrians and enslaved." Quite confusing, who is "them"? This sentence sounds like "them" went to "Zygerria, Skywalker, Kenobi, Tano and Captain CC-7567." Clarify.
      • Reworded.
    • Good work, QuiGon :) JangFett Talk 15:06, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks. Stay tuned for more comic battles :P QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:55, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • Basically, there's two intro paragraphs dedicated to the prelude itself rather than the battle, and only an extremely scanty third paragraph on the battle itself. No matter how complex the Slaves of the Republic story is, there should not be this huge a lack of balance. Please do some reworking.
      • That was tough to do, but I did some rewording. As you noted, the story is quite complex and a lot of stuff needs context; I tried to shorten the amount of detail, but did not succeed much. Therefore, there is still two prelude paragraphs, though I believe that they are better balanced with the battle now.
        • To make sure that you're confident of this, please ask yourself whether you believe that every single detail in there is necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the article's subject, which is what intros are for. CC7567 (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
          • I did ask myself that question, and I believe that it is necessary for the reader to know the intentions of the two combatants, i.e. that Skywalker wanted to rescue the slaves and Kenobi, and that Dooku wanted to kill the Togrutas. However, further context is needed as to how Kenobi ended up on Kadavo and why Dooku wanted the Togrutas dead, or the article won't make much sense. Squeezing all this information into two paragraphs is quite hard; squeezing it further seems unrealistic to me. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:10, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • As you're fixing the above objection, please keep this in mind: the Battle of Kiros currently does not seem to be worded appropriately in the intro. The intro's chronology is making it read like a summary of the history of the Togrutas instead of being focused on the Battle of Kadavo. Try taking it out where it currently is and mentioning it later as "The Jedi followed the slaves' trail to Kadavo after liberating Kiros" or something, but it's not working in its current state.
      • Hopefully addressed in the intro rewrite. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:25, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
        • That goes for "Meanwhile, the Confederate leader Count Dooku tried to worsen the reputation of the Jedi Order by spreading word that the Jedi had destroyed the planet's population." as well. Also, this isn't linked well to Dooku's fear that he would be unmasked as a liar. CC7567 (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • There's a rather noticeable jump from Skywalker and Tano's escape from Zygerria in the Prelude to the sudden arrival of Republic forces at Kadavo in the Battle section. This needs to be smoothed out.
      • Done.
    • Please somehow include the Keeper's summons of Kenobi and Rex before Skywalker and Tano arrived. It doesn't necessarily have to go in the Prelude, but can be worded when it becomes relevant in the Battle section. The story isn't clear otherwise.
      • Done.
        • I apologize; I think I might have been unclear here. When I stated the earlier objection, I believed that this context would be less than a sentence long, but at its current length, it really belongs in the prelude. CC7567 (talk) 03:41, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please vary all the sentences that start with "as".
      • Varied.
    • Shadow Squadron is in the infobox and yet nowhere in the body. Please also get in Ventress's "entrance" into the battle.
      • Added.
    • No matter how well-placed a blaster shot is, and regardless of which IU characters say that it is, no blaster shot can be "lucky" if we're trying to get rid of POV-oriented writing.
      • Removed.
    • What "Republic reinforcements that had recently arrived"? The perspective of this article is starting to resemble that of a person reading the comic instead of an omniscient perspective, which is what history should be written from. Yes, historians are often limited, but in this case, we know the story and should be able to word it to the best of our abilities. Please try to check for and fix this throughout the article.
      • Hopefully this particular issue is fixed. I've read through the article again, but could not find similar problems. Please advise if there are any.
    • So even after the Trident has clamped onto the transport, Ventress is still continuing her "attack run"? Also, there's another plot hole with the jump from here to the suddenly-cornered Jedi. Please fix these. CC7567 (talk) 06:09, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • What, specifically, were the Keeper's "plans"?
      • Addressed.
    • Are you certain that Dooku executed Scintel only for her "attraction" to Skywalker? I'm going to leave it up to you to decide how much detail to put in, but this bit is misleading; there was another, more important motive behind it. Please check the comic. CC7567 (talk) 03:41, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • A note on your readdition of the "world" link in the intro: you've already linked "planet" for Kadavo at the beginning of the intro, which is why I removed it the first time and why I've now reverted it back. CC7567 (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Skirmish at Vanqor

  • Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 06:55, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Well, I have to get the rest of the battles done sometime. Slightly over 1000 words.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 11:42, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Looks clean to me -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 14:54, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Not to be confused with Vanquo. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 08:47, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Nayayen
    • Could the opening sentence be reworded so that the actual title is bolded? Something like "This skirmish took place at Vanqor over and on the surface of the planet around 22 BBY..." or some such.
      • It could, but it still remains a conjecture title, and "skirmish" isn't mentioned anywhere throughout TCW-related material, which is why I chose not to do this.
        • Skirmish on Rodia has skirmish as the bolded first mention of the title for a quick example. My interpretation is that the bold part should be the title of the article, be it conjectural or not. The article isn't about a Skirmish in general, it's about a specific Skirmish at Vanquo. I hope I'm making sense with this. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:19, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
          • Either way is still acceptable, and I've already provided my reasoning on why I've chosen this formatting. Yes, it could be changed to your way, but I still prefer the current way and fail to see why I can't follow an already established precedent. Also, please leave GAs out of this. If you wanted to object to something, you should have done so during the nomination process, not bring it up on FANs to get me to change an issue of this level of importance. CC7567 (talk) 04:44, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • The quotes should all use the appropriate templates. Without counting, I think all bar one should use Dialogue.
      • You're going to have to provide much more reasoning than superficiality for me to change this. In this case, the reader is capable of distinguishing the speakers without fancy templates that make it look like a script.
        • Point taken, I simply thought from convention on QotD that those templates had to be used as such.
    • In "Prelude", why did they want to capture Dooku?
      • Addressed.
    • I think a note should be made in the Bts to say that this is not the same incident as when Kenobi and Skywalker "fell into that nest of Gundarks" (in AotC).
      • I see no reason why this is needed, and that didn't even take place during Episode II; it took place before it. If the two events can be distinguished by simple movie chronology and canon, it's irrelevant. CC7567 (talk) 16:42, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
        • Sorry, I meant that the reference to it was in AotC. But yes, you are right. I remember getting confused like this when discussing a merge of "nest of gundarks" or something. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:56, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
    • NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:59, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • The gundark as a civilian casualty drew a chuckle, but I guess it's accurate. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 14:55, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Duel on Cophrigin V

  • Nominated by:—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 21:50, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This duel was awesome. I've always liked the Dark Woman.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Everything looks good.LtNOWIS 04:12, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 06:42, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. It's good.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:45, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. You need to comment in the Bts about its transition from Infinities to canon. --Eyrezer 06:19, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. QGJ
    • What source establishes this as the final event of the Great Jedi Purge? To my knowledge, it is not stated in the comic.
      • It is not explicitly stated in the comic. Palpatine, Vader, and An'ya Kuro allude several times to this being the end of the Jedi Purge. And the comic is called "Extinction".—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 12:53, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
        • Allusion is not enough to assume this kind of thing, IMO. True, Palpatine's and Vader's words establish it as one of the final events of the Purge, but there is still not enough evidence that it was the final event. And I don't think we can use comic titles for reference; Empire's End wasn't really the end of the Empire, was it? QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:26, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
          • No, Empire's End wasn't the end of the Empire per se, but it was the end of Palpatine, and the Empire as it was known under him.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 21:07, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
            • Ok, maybe this wasn't a very good example. Anyway, I still think it is too much of an assumption to call this duel the end of the Purge until some source explicitly says that it was. I mean, how come we know that Vader didn't kill another Jedi right after Kuro? For example, it is not known if the Battle of Shumari took place before or after the duel on Cophrigin V. And if it happened after, maybe Shumari was considered to be the final event of the Purge. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:39, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
              • Addressed.
    • Was it ever referred to as the "Duel on Cophrigin V"? If not, it needs the Conjecture tag. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:54, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
      • Why would it need a conjecture tag? It's not like i called it "Hapydance on Cophrigin V", or "Epic Confrontation on Cophrigin V". It is a "duel" that occurred on "Cophrigin V", and common sense has it named for what it is. Though, if it is ultimately decided that one is needed, I have no problem with that.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 12:28, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
        • It would certainly be the most logical assumption to call it a duel. However, we do not know what name future sources may come up with. It may indeed be called "Duel on Cophrigin V", but it could also be "Confrontation on Cophrigin V", "Showdown on Cophrigin V", etc. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:26, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
          • Well, if and when future sources name the "Duel on Cophrigin V" as something other than that, we can change it. Unless a more substantial reason to add a conjecture tag can be provided, I believe the current title is sufficient.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 21:07, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
            • If it's not referred to by that name in the comic then it is a conjectural title (because it's one we've come up with ourselves, even if it follows canon precedent and makes sense and would be the likely name for it were one ever given to us in canon) - if it is referred to by that name then it's not a conjectural title. I've added the tag accordingly, obviously if it's ever given that canon name it can be removed or whatever. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 23:27, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • No sources.
  • I don't think you can source the date of this duel to Extinction. The comic itself provides no date, the story could just as well be set in 0 BBY. I checked several secondary sources after my last reading of the comic, but couldn't verify an exact date. TNEGTC places it "shortly before the battle of Yavin", so 1-0 BBY may be more appropriate. --Borsk Fey'lya Talk 18:04, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Addressed. Thank you for that bit of information.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 21:36, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Saul Karath

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Perhaps I should have called the successive noms of Bandon, Malak, Nord, and now Karath, "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". Guess now is better than never, hence here is Part 4 of the project, Saul Karath. Let 'em rip.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Looking at the length of the intro compared to the article, I can say without checking the content that the intro is much too long. Graestan(Talk) 17:36, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I shortened it a little, see what you think. I understood the shortening of the Nord and Bandon intros, but I think Karath has enough background to justify three paragraphs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I'm waiting for the results of this, then the article will have a few more links, such as a link to Nord's ambush of Revan, and such. Also, full credit goes to Nayayen for uploading these three images. Finally, this article will be updated as new info, such as from the comics, is released.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • I will of course add new information from the upcoming Demon story arc.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:15, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Seyugi Dervishes

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Was just gonna nominate it for the GA, but after working with Master Jonathan, it's now at 1,042 words. So let 'em rip.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. They make Slipknot look friendly. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:40, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

HK-47

  • Nominated by:JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 19:42, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Statement: This time, optimal quality is guaranteed.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Optimal accuracy ratio achieved. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:16, October 13, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just because I helped in the beginning, don't think this'll be easy :P
    • "After the significant loss of life at the Battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47 as an alternative as he no longer felt destruction of such a scale necessary for his goals." This is confusing and it was already stated in the sentence before that Revan created HK.
    • "The droid went on to help Revan find the Star Forge once more." Revan found the Star Forge before? What is the Star Forge?
    • Context on T3, Jedi Exile, GO-TO in the intro.
    • "were found by GO-TO and used for his purposes." This is too vague.
    • "The Exile finally repaired HK-47, who went on to defeat G0-T0 with help from HK-50 droids he persuaded to join the Exile." Why would he need to defeat GO-TO? What was the Exile trying to do?
      • Re-worded for better understanding. I don't think we need to go into too much detail over GO-TO's goals in the intro. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 03:14, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
    • "given a new body." Why would he need a new body, what happened to the old one? You should probably mention that he was in the ship as well.
    • "This battle climaxed in a showdown between these spacers" What spacers? Were they the ones decieved by HK?
    • "HK-47's programming resulted in his enjoyment of bloodshed, and he took pleasure in any sort of violence, even describing his work as a form of art. He had a relatively condescending opinion towards organics, and made a habit of branding all organic lifeforms meatbags." I don't know if this is really neccisary, it's just a footnote disjointed from the intro.
    • That's it for now. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:31, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
    • Context on Nar Shaddaa. It should also be stated that GO-TO is a droid.
    • As it reads now, the first paragraph jumps from his creation to his capture. There should be a mention that he was set on missions by Revan.
    • The first two sentences begin the article by saying that he was created at the beginning of the Jedi Civil War, then they say that he was created in the wake of Malachor V (I reworded this part a little but it was there before) NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:12, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 06:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Nayayen
    • There is a fair bit of underlinking throughout. Don't forget that links shouldn't be unique to the intro and infobox just as much as information can't be.
      • After my copyedit I've also found cases of overlinking. For example, Visas Marr is not linked but Sith apprentice is linked at least twice in the body. Just remember: 1 link in intro, 1 in body, 1 in infobox and 1 in each image caption (if the latter two apply). NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • I've since linked and unlinked most of the ones that I could find, if you still see any, feel free to point them out and I'll take care of them immediately. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
    • In the intro, where did Revan find HK again?
    • "Revan decided that more droids of this design would make efficient agents for his purposes." -What are his purposes?
    • Am I not correct in thinking that the Sand People then let Revan hear from their storyteller? HK-47 would translate for both parties as before but would often advise against responses that may offend the storyteller.
      • Actually Revan meets directly with the chieftain while HK provides translation. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • That is correct but I am fairly certain that you can meet with the storyteller if you fully follow the quest through. For starters, most of what the storyteller's lines (or rather, HK's translations) have the "Sound Resref" of "nm20aaxsto-----"; you can check yourself. If you give the chieftain a krayt dragon pearl then he will deem you worthy enough to meet the storyteller. Please look into it. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
          • Yeah, you're correct. I was never generous enough to give them my pearl, so I didn't recall this happening. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
    • "was honored with Revan's other companions as heroes of the Republic, possibly even being awarded the Cross of Glory" -He either was or wasn't awarded it. There shouldn't be speculation about it.
      • Fixed. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • I can't find any reference to him being awarded it in the TSL tlk file. Do you have the StrRef for it? NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
          • I watched the ending of KOTOR again and Dodonna states that she's "proud to honor each of you with the Cross of Glory," which I think makes it a safe assumption that HK-47 received it as well. If you disagree, I'd be perfectly fine with removing any mention of the award. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
    • '"The attack failed when the Jedi Exile, Visas Marr, Nihilus's former Sith apprentice; and the current Mandalore, Canderous Ordo, along with a large force of Mandalorians boarded Nihilus's flagship, the Ravager, killed Nihilus, and destroyed the ship." -This is very disjointed, please fix it.
    • You need to put the P&t quote into {{Dialogue2}}.
    • How could you not even mention his definition of love in the P&t?
    • "The droid also found attacking a Jedi's allies, as Jedi would often sacrifice themselves to save an ally." -This sentence doesn't make sense.
    • Who, if anyone, voiced him in SWG?
      • After checking IMDB pages for both HK and Tabori, it doesn't appear he has a VA in Galaxies, although I'm unfamiliar with the game, and could be mistaken. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • Well, knowing that IMDB isn't always reliable, can you check with someone who has it? Someone in WP:SWG should be willing and able. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Does his Force alignment differ between KotOR and TSL?
    • I don't think this is something that you yourself might be able to fix but can you see about having the "companions of Revan" succession box made the same style as "companions of the Jedi Exile"?
      • I'll look into it, but I'm admittedly not very good with dealing with that sort of stuff. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
      • This is overstepping the bounds of the FAN process, to put it politely. You don't want to hear what I really think of this kind of nonsensical objection. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 22:16, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • FWIW, I did modify the template for consistency's sake, if nothing else. It now matches the KOTOR II template. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 22:31, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
        • My apologies Culator, I meant to have this as a comment and not an objection. Thank you Fraajic for sorting it. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • The URL references all need to use {{Cite web}}.
      • I'm unfortunately terrible when dealing with refs, so would it be too much to ask for you to fix one as an example? Then I'd know exactly what to do and would fix the rest myself. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • Certainly, it took me ages to figure them out myself... I've done Ref13. One thing to note is that accessdate needs the format yyyy/mm/dd. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
          • Ok, I fixed the refs, but I did end up listing the Team Gizka one multiple times because I couldn't get the ref name to work. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
            • They work the same as normal refs but instead of ''[[SOURCE]]'' for the first one, you put in the Cite web template. I've fixed them for you. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • Ref No.6 (kotorcg) needs fixing.
    • Some of the categories seem a little odd, specifically the "culture" ones. Can you find any more suitable ones?
    • I can't believe that there aren't more interwiki links. Please check the list and see if any more languages have HK-47 yet.
    • I may find some more after I do a copyedit this weekend. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
    • Four more for you. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • "Separatist scientists began studying design elements of HK-47" -who are the Separatists? Someone who doesn't know that the CIS are the Separatists wouldn't be able to see the connection.
      • Further to the linking issues, there seems to be at least 3 things in the Mustafar section that should be linked but aren't.
      • "Whether these were intentionally installed by Revan or simply part of his protocol droid package is unclear." -This should be reworded to be from an IU perspective.
      • Can the paragraph of the P&t with brackets in be reworded to remove them?
  3. Naru continues...
    • "Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the superweapon known as the Star Forge." Use the Star Forge to do what? What does the Star Forge do?
    • "While HK-47 displayed obedience to those he identified as his master, he had little regard for any form of life and admitted that he was driven by a desire for violence and carnage. He characteristically used the term meatbag when speaking of organic life forms, especially Humans." This sounds like it should be in the P&T. The following reason for it could also be moved there as well.
      • I feel that this segment is important where it is, as it establishes the type of programming Revan gave him and explains the origin of the meatbag term. I reworded it a bit so it hopefully fits a bit better. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The droid would continue to serve Revan during the Jedi Civil War, a devastating coonflict between a Sith Empire that Revan created after his turn to the dark side and the Galactic Republic, helping him locate the Star Forge and assassinating beings who could potentially destabilize the galaxy until his master sent him on an assassination mission into Mandalorian space." This is a double "and" and also mildly confusing. Reword.
    • Revan's memories were lost due to the intervention of the Jedi Council, not as a direct result of Malak's bombardment. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:45, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
    • NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:00, September 19, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Is there a succession box for "owners of HK-47"? I think there were at least 7 and it would be useful to have. This isn't an objection but could you look into it? NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Ranat

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 02:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Do you hear that? That gnawing sound? It's growing louder. It's the sound of thousands of meter-tall rodents with fangs the size of your forearm burrowing through the fundament of your home. It sounds like it's coming from the next room. How thick is that door? Or the wall? Has anyone heard from the dog lately? Oh, are the lights flickering? (Ya gotta love the galaxy far far away's very own zombies!) ~ SavageBob 02:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Enough is enough! I have had it with these kriffin' Ranats on this kriffin' ship! (Mace Windu) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:19, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 22:06, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Eyrezer:
    • Can you mention Con Q in the intro?
    • In the Biol section, you introduce the fact they have a tail with the phrase "the tail". Can you tweak this?
    • You mention getting approval of the sector government. From the Atlas Online companion, we can now specify this as the Antemeridian sector. This could either be pipelinked or mentioned in the text.
    • The last paragraph of the Ranats in the galaxy section jumps around chronologically. Is it possible to change the order of the Ranats mentioned to match the chronology?
    • Are there images on the Wook of the other possible Ranats you mention in the BTS? If so, it would be nice to add links to those images for reference purposes.
    • These aside, an enjoyable read. Nice work, as usual. --Eyrezer 03:44, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for your comments as always; these should all be addressed. As for the images, every Ranat image I know of is in the article, so I'm afraid we can't do any better here. ~ SavageBob 15:55, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
        • With the image question, I was suggesting you add a link to the disputed images in question. Currently there is a link to the bosun, but something like "For example, a hooded and cloaked rat-like figure is seen in a cantina on Diado in "It Takes a Thief," a story set in 19 BBY (Seen [[:File:Diado rodent|here]])." This way readers could click the link to check for themselves rather than having to hunt down the original source. --Eyrezer 23:59, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • A new one: can you explain the significance of being in the Borderlands? Ie, that it was a contested area of space or something. --Eyrezer 23:59, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • OK, I've uploaded the images and linked them in the article; plus, I've clarified the Borderlands a bit. ~ SavageBob 00:08, September 28, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Skippy. Not my best day, but let's have a try.
    • Bio: "They share many features in common with their distant cousins and with other mammals of similar physiology. Nevertheless, the status of Ranats as fully sentients...". The first sentence lists sentient species, but makes not mention to the sentience, so I do not understand the "Nevertheless".
    • Language: "Nitram Con Queecon" is listed as a three-part name. Should you mention that "Con Queecon" is the name of the species? I don't want OS ("could mean Nitram the Ranat"), but I think it's a good moment to repeat that bit of information.
    • Language: If Nevar Yalnal has an article, you should link him here in his first mention. Or at least somewhere, if you don't want to link him here.
    • Amusement park boom: It's the first time under history you mention that Ranat could be deemed sentient or semi-sentient or anything. So, during their previous appearances (Revan, Rydarians), Ranats were not classified? Or is Trebors trying to re-classify the Ranats?
    • In the galaxy: "In 0 BBY, they were building themselves a moisture vaporator and other items to ease their life on the desert world". I thought "they created no goods of their own". Which one is it? Reegeesk's acts, btw, seem to contradict "they had a difficult time mastering complex devices or fields that required abstract reasoning"
    • In the galaxy: Context for Una Poot and for Tinian I'att.
    • Two very similar sentences in different parts of the text: "work for little compensation" and "work for very little compensation". Apparently a trait, so it should be mentioned under "Culture".
    • BtS: "Sadie Eddon" redirects to "Sadie Eden", an article where "Eddon" is not mentioned ("Sadie Eden, sometimes credited as Eddon..."). Is this the person who played the Ranat?
    • BtS: "is designed to emulate a horror film". Can you source this? I mean, does the source offer a text saying "We wrote this wanting to emulate a horror film". Same applies to to "is designed to test the player characters' morality"
    • BtS: "The article "Action Figure Archive," in Star Wars Insider 75, mislabels the Chadra-Fan character Kabe as a Ranat" This could use a mention to Kabe's quote: In-universe, Kabe had been confused with a Ranat.
    • One more: BtS: the Yuuzhan Vong Peace Brigade takes them instead. I seem to understand that the Peace Brigade is not a Yuuzhan Vong organization, even if they are alligned with the YV. Suggestion: The YV-alligned PB, or The PG (allied with the YV).
    • aaaaand the most important objection: Take a copy of this thing and read pages 32 and 56. Even better, scan the whole book; I could have missed a mention.
    • Sorry if I'm being rude, but as I said, I'm not at my usual top billing. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:15, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • OK, sorry for taking so long to respond to these comments; I was moving to new digs. I should have addressed everything on your list except:
        • I feel that the first link to Nevar Yalnal should be when he is mentioned as an individual, not just an example name, hence the current linking.
        • The "It Takes a Thief" story contradicts most other Ranat lore, so I'm not sure what to do about the fact that Reegesk and his tribe seem at least somewhat comfortable with technology. I suppose a note could be stated that this particular tribe had attained a level of technological prowess unusual for the species as a whole. Would that be helpful?
        • The Sadie Eddon/Eden thing is hard to take care of. If we make a distinction between reliable sources and unreliable sources, as Wikipedia's policies on such matters, we are left with the name Sadie Eddon, as this is the only one that comes from a reliable source and links an actress with Reegesk. However, if we allow for unreliable, fan-edited sources such as IMDB and anonymous forums, we find that Sadie Eddon is another name used by the actress/stunt lady otherwise known as Sadie Eden. I'd rather err on the side of reliability, but I'm not sure what the Wook's opinion is of IMDB as a source.
          • I've used IMDB as a source and asked about it. I'll take care of Eddon. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:43, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
        • The horror film and morality stuff is sourced. Those bits come from the next footnote that you find after them. Thanks for the review, and apologies again for my lateness addressing these issues! ~ SavageBob 04:38, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Aeron Azzameen

  • Nominated by: JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 15:32, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said millions of times in IRC.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Awesome, Emon should be next. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 23:44, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Working on a lead quote. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 16:08, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Xicer
    • Your pronunciation guide currently pronounces Ace instead of Aeron.
      • Didn't even notice. Guess I should've checked that when I grabbed it from Ace's article.
    • Aeron should be listed as female in the infobox.
      • Are we abso- nevermind. There are too many people that would affect if it were brought into question. Added.
    • "On the way back to their home, however, the two Azzameens were intercepted by a quick attack on Harlequin Station by the Enkidu, a Pursuer-class enforcement ship, and an accompaniment flying under the Viraxo flag." Context needed on the Viraxo.
      • Contextified.
    • "The first of these taskgroups contained Antan piloting his Action IV transport Big Score and Emon piloting the Andrasta," Context needed on the Andrasta (just mention that it's a Firespray-31-class patrol and attack craft).
      • Squeezed in there.
    • "Once Storm Unit secured the station, Aeron and MK-09 were called in to assist in combing the main computer core." Context needed on Storm Unit.
      • Contextified and reworded to fit.
    • "Both Aeron and Garn's were cryptic concerning their relationship beyond friendship." Looks like there's a word missing here.
      • Not a word missing, but a missed possessive.
    • Very nicely written. Makes me want to play the game again. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 18:07, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • You should. It is your destiny. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 21:52, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Pasta bowl!
    • Check the tense, please. Use of "would" is a conditional mood in the present tense. Unless it is IU speculation, please reword those instances.
      • You learn something new every day. Changed every offending instance of "would".
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:29, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Tomaas decided that it was time the youngest Azzameen, Ace, was to learn to fly so he could also assist in the family trade around 3 ABY, the responsibility to train the new recruit fell upon Aeron." This needs to be reworded and possibly broken apart. It borders on a run-on and does not read as well as the preceding text.
      • Broken up and reworded.
    • "For her first training session, Aeron told Ace, who flew with the family MK-series maintenance droid MK-09…" Did Aeron assign the droid to fly with Ace or did it just happen that way?
      • It looks like it just happened that way, though it's probably because Ace and Emkay always worked together.
    • "Both groups…" Who is in Aeron's group?
      • No one. Fixed wording.
    • "On the way back to their home, however, the two Azzameens were intercepted when a quick attack was launched on Harlequin Station by the Enkidu, a Pursuer-class enforcement ship." I could be wrong, but I thought it was before they left the station. Also, is there a link for the attack? I am not sure it deserves an article, but I was curious since I could not find one.
      • You are correct. Also, I can't find a link either. Should I make one?
        • That would be your choice. I am neither sure it is notable enough nor bold enough to forcibly require it in order for this nom to pass; I leave that to you and other well-learned members of the community to decide. My preference is no, however, not in this particular case. Take that as you will. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • The last paragraph of Training an Azzameen seems disjunctive. The prior paragraph concludes with some type of victory, having chased the Viraxo-allied assailants away; then, the new paragraph begins with security systems. That is fine. The problem arises with the next portion. What are the family cargo fields? Are they back at Azzameen Station or at Harlequin Station? Where did the raiders come from? I thought they were all driven away (based upon the prior paragraph). Then, after the discovery of spice, they drive the Enkinu away again? Something chronologically is missing.
      • Clarified and expanded a lot. I was missing a few details, but they're in there now.
    • In Dealing with the Viraxo we are suddenly introduced to Emon? Who is Emon? There are no links for him either here or in the introduction as well. He needs context to be suddenly dropped in.
      • Emon appropriately introduced and contexted.
    • More coming. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 12:30, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Your INQCONing is appreciated :D JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 14:09, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Unfortunately for the Azzameens, forces once again conspired to act against them." Whose forces?
      • The Forces of Generalization. Reworded awkward phrase.
    • "Aeron's group was tasked…" This needs to be clearly mentioned as the second group if it is so.
      • I think I fixed this? I'm not actually sure what you meant, so check and see if I was able to figure it out.
    • "The two rendezvoused at Azzameen Home Base…" "Rendezvoused" is not really a word; rendez-vous or rendezvous is, but both are a noun referring to a point of meeting.
      • Didn't think so. Reworded to keep the word but use it correctly.
    • I also would introduce the craft (first paragraph in 1.3) as the groups are introduced rather than after the fact.
      • I'm confused about this one. Do you mean to move the ships' names before their respective pilots, or something else?
    • "The offending starfighters were soon dispatched..." dispatched needs to be followed by the preposition "with" to be factually accurate. Of course, that clause can't end with "with" so it needs to be reworded. Try something other than "dispatched with."
      • Reordered slightly.
    • "…their uncle didn't…" I know this falls under {{sofixit}}, but… contraction!
      • Fixed.
    • "The short discussion was made even shorter…" This is an awkward idiom. It does not sound encyclopedic.
      • Fixed.
    • "Faced with nearly no options…" POV.
    • "…where they resided for the time being." The idiom "time being" seems awkward to me in this context. Could something else be used?
      • Yes. Specified what "time being" was.
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Successful, Ace returned…" Three things: this section is beginning to feel more like it belongs in the Ace article than Aeron's. Is there any way to expand upon Aeron's involvement and tone down Ace's? Secondly, what was successful? Was Antan liberated? Any details that could briefly be thrown into the sentence. Lastly, if Ace is mentioned as returning, what about Emon?
      • That part really did feel Ace-ish. I removed the latter portion completely and simplified both Emon and Ace's involvement in the matter. The only thing Aeron was responsible for was the discovery.
    • "Aeron's slicing efforts again proved fruitful for the Azzameen family." With? The context should be alluded to in this sentence with detailed extrapolation following.
      • Reworded and tweaked.
    • "before meeting Aeron in the Sabra…" Because this is Aeron's article and not about Ace, I suggest moving this information up so that it shows she did something during this time rather than dropping in the clause so suddenly. Also, expand on what she did as much as possible. Right now it seems like "Ace, Ace, Ace, and oh yeah, Aeron." Then, "Ace, Aeron, Ace, Ace."
      • Technically, that is how the game plays out, so it's very difficult to extrapolate what exactly goes on from her side of things. I've added a bit of context for her, though.
        • I understand what you mean, but you did a good job straightening it out here. It is much more logical from a chronological perspective. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Aeron's absences…" Was she expected somewhere or to be with someone?
      • Changed to "lack of communication" because it's more accurate.
        • I see that it is gone now. Is it irrelevant? I was unsure how it fit earlier, but if it is relevant information it should be included. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
          • I ended up removing it because, if it were to remain in, it'd be a one sentence paragraph (there really isn't a place to fit it). It's also only slightly relevant to the situation as a whole. While it does show the whole "Olin's worried about Aeron" theme... that's pretty much all it does. I did add it back in, reworded a bit. If it looks better/more complete like that, I'll keep it in there, but if it really feels out-of-place it's going to have to go, as the current revision is the best I can come up with.
    • "Around the same time, Ace transferred…" What does this have to do with Aeron or the article? Again, it seems much more about Ace than anything else. Adding information about other Azzameens to fill holes in the chronology should not be a primary fall back, if that is the intent. A couple of times might be fine, but this seems to be a pattern in this section. I do suggest going through this section again (1.4) and tweaking it so it is less about "Ace" and a touch more balanced.
      • I ended up trashing the last paragraph completely because an introduction to Ace's transfer fits elsewhere and the other was only slightly relevant. Also cleaned up some "Ace did this" and "Ace did that". There may be more that I'll cull later.
        • My only curiosity is what is posted one higher. What about Aeron having a lack of communication? See above.
          • See above.
    • "…inspecting each for easier identification by the incoming freighters." This does not make sense to me. Can this be reworded?
      • Reworded a lot.
        • One quickie about the subsequent statements that have been made after this little section. "Once the entire group arrived, the Rebel fleet arrived…" Could this be varied a touch?
          • Varied appropriately.
    • "Once there, Ace defeated several Alpha-class Xg-1 Star Wings, a Beta-class ETR-3 escort transport Minelayer laying mines, and the mines themselves, while inspecting satellites suitable for a listening device." Again, what about Aeron? Also, was the Minelayer placing mines and inspecting satellites or Ace? Clarification needed.
      • Cleaned up quite a bit.
    • "Eventually he settled for one…" Settled for what? Also, "settled for" provides the implication that he wanted another whatever-it-was but only got that 'thing.'
      • Removed wording altogether and fixed it up quite a bit.
    • "This forced Ace and Emkay into action, protecting Aeron and the satellite from attack." Was she spotted? Was she attacked? It is quite vague here. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • Fixed.
    • "Eventually Aeron finished her work…" What was her work on this task? That is more important than the information about Ace.
      • Specified while tweaking the amount of Ace.
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • Continued continued thanks. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 17:37, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
        • No problem. I will get to the next section shortly. In the mean time a couple residual things are above. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
          • Hopefully cleaned up the residue. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 18:03, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • Sorry for the delay. RL made it difficult to get online. One thing about the statement "Still working off the grid…": This seems, to me at least, more relevant in the relationship section when addressing Garn. Sitting there by itself seems slightly out of place, although relevant chronologically. This is what I suggest: If possible, make allusion to it in the main body paragraphs so that a placement can still be pointed to. Then, have the details of this in the relationship section. Admittedly, I have not reached that point of the article, so it might be there; but, it seems more relevant to describing the dynamics of their friendship than anything else. Just something to consider. Now onto other stuff…
      • Though the relationship section doesn't deal with this specific email, it's made clear that Olin sent a lot to Ace to keep an eye on Aeron. As such, I've now removed it (again).
    • "While on his personal mission…" This sentence has a lot of commas and is disjunctive. First off, try to clean up the clauses so they flow better. Next, were the emails showing an increased frustration or did each passing email show more and more frustration as a progression?
      • Cleaned up and made clearer.
    • "Aeron noted another…" This almost appears out of the blue. Could it be tied into the preceding paragraph better?
      • Contextified some. Hopefully flows a bit better.
    • "…she contacted Ace due to Emon's mission." Due to the mission? What mission?
      • Changed.
    • "The convoy that Aeron expected to arrive later appeared in the system early, bringing with it an escort." This also seems plopped in without a context or lead-in. Could it be foreshadowed prior by indicating her expectation or something such as this? Otherwise it reads like a game-guide.
      • Attempted some foreshadowing. If it's not enough, let me know.
        • To be honest, I was hoping to see the expectation listed earlier with the planning phase, but this wording is better than before. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • "After ignoring the message, he called his older sister, who agreed with his decision." The paragraph that contains this statement is only two sentences and should be consolidated into another. Also, I'm not quite sure what is going on in this sentence. Who is the inferred "he" in "his decision?" Also, what was the decision?
      • Cleaned up an integrated into proceeding statement.
    • The second paragraph of "Homecoming" seems to have nothing to do with Aeron. Is this information necessary? If it is, for contextual purposes, I think it should be condensed and how it effected Aeron included directly with it.
      • Culled a lot. Features more context and less filler, and is now hopefully a tad more fitting.
    • Sorry to say this, but by the end of the third paragraph I am confused as to what is going on. I apologize for this, but I am not certain. See what you can do while working in the area. I'll readdress this part when the surrounding text is sifted if necessary. I'm sure that will help.
      • Sifted, culled, extracted, cleaned up, modified, and a whole lot more done.
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:40, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
      • Many thanks. I know it's not the most polished piece of work, but I appreciate the time and effort you're putting in to it. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 02:21, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Next round: "Determined to get the coordinates for the base…" So, did they jump to hyperspace or not?
    • "Displeased with the Otana's efforts…" What efforts? Context? How does this relate to Aeron?
    • "The IRD Fighters were unsuccessful…" This sentence also does not fit. In reality, this paragraph is still too disjunctive to follow.
    • The very next sentence uses as "however" as well. Plus, the context of who the mercenary group is needs a splash of context. I think this tells me a little more, but I am still a touch confused since it has read rather choppily to this point in this paragraph.
    • "…with the exception of the Otana." This does not quite make sense. Why would the Otana be aboard the Liberty?
    • I admit that it is definitely not paramount to the article, but the ending leaves the outcome of Antan's betrayal hanging. Is this deliberate? Was the information ever revealed?
    • "Garn was slightly more open in revealing his feelings toward the female Azzameen." Which was…?
    • That's it. Mostly, it is just that section of "Homecoming." — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Olin Garn

  • Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 15:44, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The man who made LOL canon.

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Good taste vote. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 16:47, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 18:39, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:47, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Toasty. I often wonder what happened to the Alliance gang... -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 16:10, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote I laugh out loud at this nomination! Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:58, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
  6. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:52, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Droma

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo 03:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Hey everyone! I've been doing a lot of work on the Droma article, and it's come to the point where I believe that it's complete. I do have a few questions that I hope you can help me out with --- feel free to answer them, and I'll make the necessary changes accordingly. Ditto any other changes you want me to make. My questions are...

- Biography: Since it falls entirely within the sub-heading "Yuuzhan Vong War", should I just jettison said sub-heading entirely? Has been addressed.

- Sourcing: The thread at the JC forums with Kathy Tyers that I've sourced thrice appears as three separate sources. I do not know how to make it into one with a 10.0, 10.1, and a 10.2. Is it possible to do this with external links? Scratch that, it's actually three different pages within the thread that are being linked to.

- Powers and abilities: I didn't think it was necessary to add this section, as I have covered his talents within "Personality and traits". Let me know if I should split p & t up and include a p & a section. I also didn't include armor and equipment --- I know that Droma is depicted with the same gun in several images, but having reread all of his appearances, I don't think he is ever actually carrying it in the text.

- Voice only: I included this next to The Final Prophecy in the appearances section, but I'm not sure if it's the proper disclaimer to use when a character only appears via comlink.

- quotes: Is the article OK without any quotes? I have the one at the beginning, and I think that the article works better without any more. Let me know if you want me to add any.

Thanks so much! Now, have at me.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 02:34, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. The Jedi Council takes a quick glance:
    • Everything in the infobox needs to be referenced.
    • The "fate unknown" stuff at the end of the bio is a big no-no and needs to go.
    • As far as your first point above regarding the headings, yes, I would suggest eliminating the Yuuzhan Vong War heading.
    • I may give it a full review later. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:46, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks so much for the advice. I have addressed all three points. Menkooroo 16:52, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
        • I apologize for butting in, but I feel I should let you know that you should never strike another person's objections. That person will strike their own objections when they feel that they have been adequately addressed. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 17:16, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Xicer
    • In the intro, context is needed for Han Solo. Also, who was attacking the Jubilee Wheel with the dread weapon?
    • First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) and Battle of Esfandia should be linked somewhere in the intro.
    • Context needed on Jubilee Wheel.
    • Context needed on the Yuuzhan Vong.
    • "He was part of a Caravan of Ryn ships heading from the Corporate Sector to the Plooriod Cluster when the Yuuzhan Vong entered the Ottega system and attacked Ithor. The Ryn were scattered, and Droma and several others ended up refugees aboard the Jubilee Wheel." Battle of Ithor (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked somewhere in here. Also, how were the Ryn scattered?
    • Context needed for Han in the body as well.
    • Context needed on the Peace Brigade.
    • Why did Droma want to go to Ralltiir?
    • Context needed on the Millennium Falcon.
    • Context needed on SELCORE.
    • First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked in the proper section in the body.
    • You seem to use "Ryn Network" and "Ryn network" interchangeably. Please choose one or the other.
    • Other than that, pretty good. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks so much for the thorough critique! I believe I've addressed everything there. Let me know if Han Solo needs any more context --- I think I have enough without going into detail of his and Roa's initial plan, but I don't think that that initial plan is relevant to Droma. With that said, you were right in that I didn't really have any context at all, so I've added a bit into both the intro and the body. And sorry about the redirects, too. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
        • I'd like to see it mentioned who exactly Han Solo is. Same goes for the Vong, at least mention that they're a group of extragalactic aliens. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 00:33, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
          • Done. The Vong are referred to as an extragalactic race of religious zealots (a term taken right from their own article) in the body. In the intro, I've called Han "the famous pilot and ex-smuggler", and in the body, "the famous pilot and hero of the Rebellion". Menkooroo 02:20, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Why do you not have quotes? Do you just dislike them? I'm going to have to insist that you add one in for every subsection. It's unofficial policy, basically, and IMO, makes the article look better. Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Quotes have been added to every subsection of "Biography", "Personality and traits", and "Behind the scenes". Menkooroo 00:41, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Just for future reference, "X-wing" is always spelled with a lowercase "w". Also, when linking please try to minimize the use of redirects. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  • As for the "Powers and abilities" section, it is only used with Force-sensitive character articles. With all other characters, "Skills and abilities" is used instead, but general practice allows to cover the character's talents in "Personality and traits" too. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 21:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Awesome, thanks! Let me know if there are any problems with the Personality and traits section. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Ssk Kahorr

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:10, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Green Tentacle (Talk) 19:08, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Maybe add an "External links" section with a link to his entry in the CUSWE? That seems to be good form around here. The code would look like this: CUSWEID|23865|Ssk Kahorr 'cept with { brackets around it. Menkooroo 03:38, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • Handled it. Feel free to make such additions yourself in the future; the spirit of the FAN page is one of cooperating to make sure articles are the best they can be before moving on. We call making simple changes oneself the {{sofixit}} clause. Graestan(Talk) 13:03, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
      • I didn't want to impose, but I guess a simple addition like that would hardly be imposing. Menkooroo 22:18, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Just one thing: When the CSWE refers to Kahorr as "ancient," I don't believe it means he had lived a long life. Rather, it seems to point to the time period in which he lived in relation to the "modern" era of the galaxy (i.e., Old Republic era is ancient when compared to the Rebellion eras and beyond), because the Jedi Exile is also referred to as "ancient" in her entry in the CSWE. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:49, October 4, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

CT-26-6958

  • Nominated by: JangFett Talk 15:15, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: One of the clones for ProjectRookies

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 21:17, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
  2. --Kreivi Wolter 15:51, September 28, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Reviewed on IRC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:16, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Objections hashed out via IRC. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:09, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • "Hevy—along with CT-26-1409, CT-27-5555, and Cutup—were present when during a surprise Confederate attack on the station." Eh? Reword.
      • *Blames Jonny* :D Addressed.
    • "Around 22 BBY, CT-26-6958 was stationed in a listening post, located on the moon of the planet Rishi." Was this the only moon of Rishi? If not, change to "a moon".
      • Only confirmed moon of Rishi, however, I changed it to "a moon".
    • Give more context on the Clone Wars.
      • Addressed.
    • " During his time in the Republic station, CT-26-6958 earned the nickname of "Hevy," due to his expertise in heavy weaponry in the base." Remove "in the base", it doesn't really fit into this sentence.
      • Addressed.
    • "As the clone raised the base's shield, Fives took the opportunity to boost Hevy's excitement. However, the rookie clone trooper commented negatively to the meteor shower." Reword. These sentences don't really make sense. Why would Fives want to boost Hevy's excitement?
      • That's not important, removed.
    • I see you only gave context to the "shinies" nickname the second time you mentioned it; contextify it the first time and not the second.
      • I don't recall adding it to the intro, or before the second time in the bio.
        • First bio paragraph: Inside the command center of the listening post, the rookie clone troopers—nicknamed shinies—were resting, due to inactivity around the area.
          • Addressed and removed.
    • Why would Rex want to destroy the base?
      • Fixed.
    • They opened fire on the invading battle droid forces as Rex wired three plunk droids together, but the remote activator to detonate the tibanna, wasn't working properly." Reword. Doesn't flow well.
      • Fixed.
    • Not bad. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:53, September 14, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review, Floyd. :)
  2. A passing objection
    • Have you checked every single related book and source? That includes (but is not limited to) Ultimate Battles as well as Grievous Attacks and all the other young reader books that don't have articles here. CC7567 (talk) 20:08, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
      • Both visual guides were checked, Grievous Attacks took place around the time of LoG and I don't recall seeing Hevy in the book. After looking at this objection, I did go back and took a look at the rest of the young reader books and none have information about Rookies. I looked up if there was a young reader book for the episode, but couldn't find anything.
  3. I haven't read it yet, but in the third sentence of the bio you have referenced Visual Guide Ultimate Battles twice in a row. Normally I'd just remove one, but I'm not certain you didn't mean one of them to be a different reference so can you check that? I'll hopefully get around to reading it in the next day or so :P. Grunny (Talk) 10:30, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
    • Yes, I messed up. :P In Ultimate Battles, it reveals their clone designation numbers, as well as their nicknames. The episode says their nicknames too. —Unsigned comment by JangFett (talk • contribs).
  4. Chack Attack:
    • Your second paragraph in the body (I separated it from another for your convenience) is PBP, awkward, and probably unneeded.
      • Are you sure? I thought some of the info is needed because of Hevy, but I removed it.
    • "Replying that he does not" Does not what? Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:51, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
      • Addressed
    • The second paragraph of the intro is choppy and needs work.
      • Addressed; hope that's sufficient.
    • Try to split up that one massive paragraph in the Attack section.
      • Addressed
    • Possibly more later. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:51, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks, Chack. :)
  5. Very awkward transition between first and second paragraphs under biography. —Xwing328(Talk) 23:24, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • Hey, Xwing. I fixed the problem; hope this is sufficient. Thanks for the review. :) JangFett (Talk) 03:15, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
      • Quite honestly, that "transition" makes the chronology sound extremely unspecific and undefined, which it's not. There are better and clearer solutions than this. Perhaps mention Hevy's arm-wrestling match with Cutup, but this isn't the way to go. CC7567 (talk) 06:57, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
        • Yes. I did had the "arm wrestling" information in there; however, Chack told me to remove it. Since I don't want to ignore his once objection, I'll talk to him on IRC sometime. JangFett (Talk) 13:27, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
        • Maybe something simple like "While Hevy was on duty in the control room, ..."? —Xwing328(Talk) 16:52, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
          • Sure. :) Addressed.

Comments

Waxer

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:54, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: More clones.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Have you checked all sources, including Ultimate Battles as well as The Battle for Ryloth and all other possible young reader books for information and appearances? CC7567 (talk) 20:11, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • Umm, I actually asked you to check the guide a while ago :P; The Battle for Ryloth adapts "Liberty on Ryloth" only; AFAIK, there are no young reader books based on Innocents of Ryloth yet. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:20, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
      • Oh yeah. But as for the book, no, "Liberty on Ryloth" is not the only episode it adapts. Please check it. CC7567 (talk) 20:34, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  2. How could I ignore a clone nom? :P
    • In the intro, you say he participated in the Battle of Kiros; however, I'm seeing no information about it. I'm seeing only Ryloth.
      • IMO, detailed information about the battle is not essential to the intro; that's what the biography is for.
        • Yes; however, if you mention something in the bio that is fairly important to Waxer, then you should mention it in the intro. But straight-to-the-point.
          • If that is the case, then Kiros is mentioned "straight-to-the-point:" Waxer fought alongside Jedi Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker at a battle on the Togrutan colony world of Kiros. I thought you were asking me to expand that part :P
            • Oh, no. :P
    • {{Fact}} tag in the bio.
      • The date is sourced to the comic. It's introductory page states: "The events in this story take place approximately twenty-two years before the Battle of Yavin."
        • Good catch; I forgot about that one. :P
    • Mention about Waxer's origins as a clone. Because this is a clone article, it is crucial that you mention about Kamino, and then mention about Waxer serving under CC-2224 and Obi-Wan.
      • It was removed per this precedent.
        • No; Qui-Gon for larger scale clone articles, it is best if you do mention Waxer's origins. That article may have past in the GAN page, but you need to thoroughly describe his existence as a clone here.
          • Whatever; added.
    • "Although the battle was ultimately won by the Republic, it was discovered that all the Togrutas had mysteriously disappeared." Quite confusing. So the Republic "ultimately" won because the Togrutas disappeared? IIRC, the Confederacy took the Togrutas, although it's not mentioned in the article.
      • Tweaked/Expanded.
    • While this is a factual error: "Utilizing the Marg Sabl maneuver, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano were able to destroy the Separatist blockade surrounding the planet, allowing the Republic forces to land and initiate ground assault." it needs some minor tweaking. Ahsoka suggested its use, and you failed to mention about the Resolute's role in the maneuver. To the average reader, who may not know what the maneuver is, it's best to mention about the Star Destroyer.
      • Is all that really essential? This article is not about the battle of Ryloth in general, it's about Waxer. All that the reader needs to know is that the Republic won the space battle and began ground assault. If said reader wants to know more about the maneuver, he just has to click on the link.
        • Then it's best if you leave "Marg Sabl" out, and just mention about Anakin and Ahsoka's success; allowing the troops to land.
          • OK, removed.
    • "Soon, however, Numa ran away in the direction of the recon droid, and Waxer decided to follow her, much to Boil's dismay." Either I've missed read something, or you forgot you mention about this "recon droid". Why was Boil negative about Waxer's decision?
      • The droid was mentioned before: As the two started to argue, Waxer spotted a Separatist recon droid flying nearby. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 05:48, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • "tooka doll" cannot be sourced to the episode; because it was never mentioned by name. Have you checked the guide?
      • Addressed, along with Nilim Bril, who wasn't mentioned by name either.
    • Nice work, Qui-Gon. :) JangFett (Talk) 21:53, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I understand that it's been two weeks since CC objected, so I want to inform that I'm still working on addressing his objection. However, if the Inqs consider my noms idle, I have nothing against their removal. In that case, I'll just re-nominate Waxer and Boil after the book is checked. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:13, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • I hate the NDS Republic Heroes :P QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:12, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

Boil

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:54, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: More clones.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Passing stuff

Comments

Ludo Kressh

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Cursory glance:
    • The Early life section seems a bit fluffy. It seems like you go into way too much about the the exiled Dark Jedi of the Hundred Year Darkness. And you quickly wear out the term "Sith Space".
      • Addressed.
    • "Sadow believed that the title of Dark Lord of the Sith was rightfully his, and that the Sith Empire had grown stagnant in the centuries following the banishment of the Dark Jedi who fought in the Hundred-Year Darkness" Why did Sadow believe the position was rightfully his as opposed to Ludo? Why is this sentence written from Sadow's POV?
      • Switched to Kressh's POV; Sadow doesn't say why he thought the position was rightfully his at the funeral, he just says "By rights it should be me!"
    • Also with regards to the above statement, Sadow did not believe that the Empire had grown stagnant since the banishment of the Dark Jedi who fought in the Hundred Year Darkness.
      • Addressed.
    • More to come.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 08:50, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Kressh believed that Sadow's progressivism was endangering the Sith's existence, while Sadow held that the title of Dark Lord of the Sith was rightfully his, and that the Sith Empire had grown stagnant." Stagnant since when?
      • Never stated. Sadow only yells "The Sith Empire is stagnant!"
        • He elaborates in his very next statement.
    • You make no mention of the Golden Age of the Sith.
      • Addressed.
    • Profuse underlinking in the biography.
      • Addressed, I believe.
    • "After freeing the Daragons, Sadow was happened upon by Simus, who had heard the disturbance on the prisoner level. Sadow, using a Republic blaster obtained from the Starbreaker 12, shot and killed Simus, planting the blaster at the scene to give the impression that the Republic had been responsible for freeing the Daragons and murdering Simus." This reads like its from Sadow's biography. Try to rewrite this part from Kressh's POV. You can explain later the details of Sadow's scheme when you talk about Ludo finding out.
      • Addressed.
    • "Little did they know, Kressh had actually faked his death, intending to claim the title of Dark Lord of the Sith." How would this ploy allow Kressh to claim the title of DLotS?
      • Addressed.
    • More still.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 00:54, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I'd suggest perhaps contacting Redemption for some more pertinent images then several of the ones currently displayed.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 08:50, September 19, 2009 (UTC)

Evacuation of Rychel

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Very well done. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 21:37, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Too bad Le'Ung didn't become a major player…--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:51, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  3. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:46, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 17:46, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Informative and entertaining.Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:39, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just a few objections…
    • First off, isn't the title of this article conjectural? Nothing I read seems to indicate that it's the canon name for the event.
      • Addressed.
    • Infobox: There's a ~ by the "4 Bulwark-class battlecruisers".
      • Addressed.
    • First paragraph of intro: "commanded by Pau'an Master Lar Le'Ung… I'm not gonna pretend I don't know what you mean, Tommy, cause I do. But someone unfamiliar with the subject might not. Could you clarify that Le'Ung is a Jedi?
      • Addressed.
    • Third paragraph. Could the Battle of Artorias be linked in here. Can it also be linked in the "Background" section?
      • Oversight on my part, addressed.
    • Soldiers and death need to be linked in the intro.
      • Another oversight. Addressed.
    • That's it, Tommy. Did a great job, as usual.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:22, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review Kasra. Please advise if anything else is required.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:56, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Nayayen
    • Intro: "...the battle originally began as an evacuation effort of the planet Rychel..." It was originally an evacuation; you don't say what it then turned into.
      • Never mind, I misread a sentence.
    • Can you check if that is the correct source for the quote in "Unexpected developments"?
      • Wow my mistake. Addressed.
    • One little thing in the Bts: "Though the planet Rychel was first mentioned in the previous issue, its first appearance was also in part three of Invasion: Refugees." This doesn't seem to make sense given the following sentence.
      • See how that works.
    • This is the first time I've reviewed your work Tommy and, aside from those minor niggles, I very much enjoyed reading it. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:26, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Harrar
    • As others have said, this article is very well written and nicely detailed. My major problem with it is that it feels heavily weighted toward the New Republic. The title is the main culprit, but essentially this is the Battle of Rychel, no? Tsalok invades it and lays siege, and the New Republic responds. But you've got neutrality issues throughout the introduction and the article. It seems to be that everything is witnessed by New Republic troopers and Jedi, that a lot of the article is how they respond to the Yuuzhan Vong. An example would be "They were delayed by Tsalok, who tore through the ranks", which could easily be switched to "Tsalok tore through the ranks". I'm not asking for a re-write, but for you to consider balancing the perspectives more thoroughly. I don't want to be difficult, however, so if you or other Inqs feel I'm being unfair, I'll reconsider my objection.
      • Hey Harrar thanks for the review, as always. I hear and understand what you are saying, but I did the article in this manner for several reasons. When it's first presented to us (the reader) in the comic, the Jedi who alerts Luke states that the Republic wants the Jedi to assist with evacuation efforts; the fact that the Jedi are in charge of the situation made it a "Jedi mission". Le'Ung's statement upon their arrival over Rychel, "Your primary objective is to locate civilians and get them to an evacuation ship" further reinforces this. It is a battle, yes, but it only turned into one because the Yuuzhan Vong had to be prevented from hindering the evacuation. The third reason is that as soon as Luke was satisfied that all who could be saved had been, he ordered the retreat. In most of the other battles we see taking place in this tumultuous galaxy, annihilation is the prime objective of either side; not so here. Thus, the article is written primarily from the perspective of a "Jedi mission" to save the helpless citizens from these invaders. You follow me? Let me know what you think, and thanks again for the review, friend.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:37, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Just a few from the Academy
    • I would check through and make sure you've italicized the correct instances of "Bulwark".
      • Addressed.
    • Although they were on the side of the Republic, the civilans weren't fighting forces on their side, so I'd move the civilian casualties to the "Civilian casualties" field on the infobox.
      • The infobox template doesn't provide specifically for "civilian casualties."—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 00:27, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
        • I believe that was included a while back. I added it in for now. My only familiarity with its use was on the Battle of Ryloth article, but if that's incorrect then feel free to remove it here. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:39, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • Other than that, great article. My only other suggestion was part of Harrar's objection, that being the title. While the event was presented from the Jedi point of view, and while the Jedi would call it the Evacuation of Rychel, I don't believe that the Vong would title it similarly. It's more likely they would call it the Invasion of Rychel, or something similar. Regardless, calling it the Evacuation doesn't really detract from the quality of the article, but for the sake of NPOV, I would suggest a move. But again, I'm with Harrar on the flexibility of this suggestion. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 06:57, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Quille

  • Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:47, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Had a good comment, but I forgot it. Oh well. Just pretend I came up with something funny to say.

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:34, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD
    • In the intro, mention that Caedus is a Sith Lord the first time you mention him.
      • Done.
    • "After Pellaeon and the Moffs, including Pellaeon's ally Drikl Lecersen" Does it really merit mention in the intro that Lecersen was at the meeting?
      • Nope. Removed.
    • "As the meeting commenced, Quille revealed the proposal to his fellow Moffs, proving Pellaeon's theory that the Grand Moff was in possession of the offer." Expand on this. Why would Pellaeon suspect Quille knew of the offer?
      • Revelation doesn't really elaborate on it. Pellaeon just mentions that he wouldn't be surprised if some of the Moffs knew of the offer, and then he and Lecersen glance at Quille.
    • That's it. Well done. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:46, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

CC-3636

  • Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 07:55, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Virtually the last project I can do before Cad Bane bogs me down.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:06, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:18, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Good job, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Duel on Serenno

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Not too bad for a first time. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 15:52, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Good job Malevolous, look forward to reviewing your next nom.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:52, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Fett
    • Are you sure the correct canonical name is "Duel on Serenno"? If not, then you must add the {{Conjecture}} tag.
    • Intro-" attempted to kidnap and possibly assassinate former Supreme Chancellor Tarsus Valorum." "Possibly" is too colloquial and does add a bit of speculation.
    • "to sow seeds of confusion" I don't understand what you mean by this phrase. Please clarify this, as it might confuse other readers.
    • "The Sith relied on Kelad'den's talent with words and her own prodding with the Force to convince the members of the organization to follow through with the plan she had persuaded the Twi'lek to suggest." What was this "plan"?
    • I realize that you mention about this "plan" before you said "The plan involved taking captive Supreme Chancellor-turned-diplomatic emissary Tarsus Valorum..." However, you must mention this earlier.
    • "Supreme Chancellor-turned-diplomatic emissary" Please find a way to simplify this phrase. Quite confusing.
    • "The members of the crew, that were to execute the strategy, laid out three days before were required to take the place of six of House Nalju's employees and to lay out explosives on the landing pad selected by the Great House." What do you mean by "laid out"? Also, "lay out" doesn't work here. Context on "Great House" as well.
    • "The duel" section has too many subsections. I suggest you remove both, because of the length of your paragraphs within the sections.
    • "After connecting to the Force, the Jedi quickly noticed that those ahead, that he had presumed to be members of House Nalju were armed, and that explosives were hidden under the landing platform." This sentence doesn't make sense. Due to the lack of proofreading, this is basically improper English. Please reread and rephrase. Who is "those ahead"? Also, please watch your usage of commas, I've been seeing a great deal of misuse throughout the article.<?s>
    • "The Jedi bodyguard called upon the Force to aid him, leapt, and caught the former Chancellor by his cape..." "leapt" is not a word.
      • This falls under the {{Sofixit}} clause, Jang. I've taken care of it but in the future, such changes are best made by an objector rather than being left as an objection.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:31, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
      • I would like to point out that leapt is, in fact a word (past tense of leap), but leaped is also past tense of leap.—Darth MalevolousSith Emblem(Through power I gain victory.) 22:08, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
      • Fwiw, they're both acceptable. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:30, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • "...then hauled him up, almost simultaneously catching a blaster bolt on his Lightsaber" You cannot "catch" a blaster bolt with a lightsaber. A Jedi may deflect a bolt; however, cannot simply "catch" a laser bolt. If you did not actually mean "catching a blaster bolt on his Lightsaber," then this sentence is too-colloquial. By saying "almost simultaneously" can get too speculative and therefore has to be rephrased or removed completely.
    • "Desertion was apparently not acceptable." What do you mean by this?
    • "This encounter was used by author Drew Karpyshyn to eliminate new character Kelad'den, as well as to create a way for Zannah to meet Hetton and attempt to overthrow Bane." This isn't a proper BtS. A BtS simply mentions what source, in this case, the "Duel on Serenno" appeared in. You may also mention the author. I suggest that you take a look at other novel-related battle articles to get a general perspective of what is required in a BtS.
    • Also, please watch your linking. This article suffers underlinking issues. Any new subject that appears and hasn't been linked before, must be properly linked.
      • I went through there and looked all over the site for articles in this that weren't linked, and what's there now is what I've found. Due to the fact that this is a duel, there probably won't be much more to add.—Darth MalevolousSith Emblem(Through power I gain victory.) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
        • Jang, I believe I fixed the rest of the linking issues in my copyedit. Malevolous, look here for the difference between your linking and the degree that there should be. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 15:52, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Not bad. JangFett (Talk) 03:32, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Blacklist:
    • You need the FAnom tag.
      • This falls under the {{Sofixit}} clause. I've taken care of it but in the future, such changes are best made by an objector rather than being left as an objection. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:30, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
        • Perhaps, and thank you for your assistance, but as a new nominator I wanted Darth Malevolous to see it for himself and adjust accordingly instead of someone just coming by and fixing it for him.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 18:21, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm sure you can find some sort of lead quote for the article.
    • Per Jang, you may want to look here or here for good examples of duel articles. Those two examples that I've given you are from the same book as your article, even.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:31, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Nayayen
    • Intro: Is the gender and exact order in which the assassins were killed necessary? You can merge it with the following sentence easily.
    • Intro: The first paragraph here jumps from the ARLF planning to Valorum disembarking. There is no mention of the ship landing or where this whole thing even took place (in the intro).
      • A bit unsure on this still, do you really mean the intro? The intro doesn't talk about the ARLF planning at all. I think I addressed the part about the landing and where it took place.
        • By the planning I meant the switching with the servants et cetera. Badly worded on my part. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Make sure there is no info exclusive to the intro. 990 BBY was the first thing to catch my eye, please put this in the main body as well and check for any other such intro-exclusive details.
    • "Arrival": Can you describe the landing pad a bit? It did affect the duel rather a lot.
    • At the end of "Arrival", mention that the other assailants did flee.
    • "remembering the classic Jedi adage, "There is no death; there is only the Force."" This is phrased a little too OOU in my books, please reword.
      • The 4 above objections and the one after the next were resolved over talk pages. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:08, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • The attribution for the quote in aftermath seems a bit awkward. We already know who they are and "an incredibly gruelling battle" could be replaced with "the duel" or something.
    • Isn't there supposed to be a Bts for FAs?
    • More to come. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 23:14, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • You give no context as to who Othone is in his first mention in the body.
    • I'm seeing several cases of improper comma usage such as "The fall had broken Kelad’den’s neck, but due to the Force, Othone survived." Please go through and check for these.
    • "But as he ran, passing the Twi'lek, he was slashed..." Who is the Twi'lek?
    • "After Kelad'den landed more than a few...than he could spare for the Force." This sentence is badly worded; "more than a few" is a little too colloquial, "comprehended" isn't really suitable and I don't know what you mean by "took more concentration than he could spare for the Force."
    • Check the rest of that paragraph for NPOV, "Amazingly" isn't NPOV for example.
      • Addressed.
    • That is all I can find. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  4. A few for you
    • This is a disclaimer, I am familiar with the events of Rule of Two, however, I will present these objections to you as if I never read the book.
    • In the intro it states as fact that Othone survived a fall due to the Force. However, the last paragraph of "The Twi'lek warrior" says due to some quirk of fate or the Force, Othone survived. Which is it?
    • It would be a good idea to italicize New Dawn, in the "Arrival" sub-section, and Darth Bane: Rule of Two, in the BTS.
    • Context is needed on Cyndra and Paak. Were they human, male, female, what?
    • The involvement of Darth Zannah in this led to the Duel on Ambria after she was captured by Cyndra and brought to Hetton. Can you rearrange your wording, example, Darth Zannah's involvement in the duel led to her being captured by Cyndra, who brought Zannah to Hetton. Also, the "Duel on Ambria" is not the event's canonical name. Link it to another word, like this, for example: [[Duel on Ambria|confrontation]] on [[Ambria]]. Also, context on Hetton is needed.
    • The event was used to further develop the character Johun Othone and the repercussions of the duel eventually led to the Duel on Ambria. Can you split this into two sentences? Like the above objection, use another phrase to describe the Duel on Ambria.
    • Good read, enjoy this series very much.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:13, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • When linking, you don't need to have the first letter of the article capitalized (unless it is a proper noun or start of a sentence etc.); it will go to the same article regardless. Don't forget that Human always has a capital letter. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 23:14, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Nosaurian

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 03:12, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: It's taken a long time to get this one ready, but I think it's time. ~ SavageBob 03:12, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:20, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Another top-quality article. --Eyrezer 23:39, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • Watch your linking, please.
    • "To outsiders, however, they were known to disdain Humans (and, to a lesser extent, other species) for what the reptilians considered a history of mistreatment. " Reword this; parentheses are generally not used in FAs.
    • Context on Hajial Chase. Is it a city?
    • "Meanwhile, the Corellians seemed more eager to exploit New Plympto's resources (scant as they were)" Reword without parentheses.
    • Context on the Yuuzhan Vong.
    • "Such Nosaurians often faced discrimination from others due to their reputation as troublesome (especially among Humans)" Reword without parentheses.
    • That's it. I must say, I loved this article. Fantastic work. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:58, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • All these should be addressed except linking. Can you specify what you mean? ~ SavageBob 14:36, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Skippy Farlstendoiro. Mostly suggestions
    • Box: Could you use some order for enumerations? Particularly skin color; as there are many options, could you consider alphabetical order, gathering the colors with the same source, or some order used for colors such as rainbow or antyhing?
    • Intro: The 3rd paragraph could mention, after the first contact with the Corellians and before the rikknit population plummeting, that the economy of New Plympto depended on exporting rikknit.
    • Intro: 4th paragraph says that Holdfast and Greenbark were both famous. In-universe, Holdfast was a famous journalist and athlete; was Greenbark famous in-universe for his adventures?
    • Main body: I understand names should be linked once per infobox, per intro and per main body (I was told that once). Have you noticed that Bomo Greenbark is never linked in the main body?
    • Biology: Could you divide the 3rd paragraph? Just before "A long, beaklike snout". I think you talk about the top of the head and the lower part in detail. Just a suggestion.
    • Society: "Despite the fact that a new bride and groom might be total strangers at the time of marriage, Nosaurians could form fierce bonds with their mates and their families; the Nosaurian Bomo Greenbark traveled to three different worlds to track down his wife and daughter" Are you suggesting that the Greenbarks did not know each other when they married, or is this information unknown?
    • History / The Clone Wars: "In 24 BBY, things changed." Doesn't sound encyclopedic at all to me. Could you please reword that? Just suggestion.
    • History / The Clone Wars: "such as the Battle of New Plympto". Could you give the date of the Battle? I think it's important as it was at the end of the war.
    • In the galaxy: "his fellow trainee, Cope Shykrill, affected him with a sinister influence, which turned him against his fellow trainees". "His fellow trainee" repeated. Use a synonym, please.
    • In the galaxy: Last paragraph. I find confusing your use of "For example" in the second example of an enumeration. Could you please reword that?
    • Great job. It's hard to find things to object; WP:A are starting to think alike. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:36, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks as always for the detailed review. All of these should be fixed. The infobox orders the "famous members" by clan name. Oh, and we don't know what their economy was like before contact with Corellians; I'd assume it was focused on domestic production much like our Earth is now prior to any alien contacts, but we don't really know from the sources. Otherwise, I've tried to follow your advice! ~ SavageBob 15:30, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  3. You can't get rid of Skippy so easily
    • One more: Here I can read about New Plympto "officers" doing something. Have a look and decide: Are they are Nosaurians? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:53, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
      • Hmm. There's no time designation, so there's no way to tell. If this is the Imperial period, "New Plympto officials" would most likely be Humans from the Empire, for example. In other words, I think this information is germane to New Plympto, but not to Nosaurian. ~ SavageBob 14:19, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Regarding the Wizards article Skippy found, I'd suggest adding it to the sources along with the {{Pos}} template. Perhaps a note at the end of the BTS explaining the possible appearance could accompany this. --Eyrezer 23:39, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Lestra Oxic

  • Nominated by: Havac 06:20, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: It's short, for me at least. Our Millennium Falcon coverage is just shameful. Consider this the first step forward. Havac 06:20, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Good work. Just watch your linking. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:50, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:22, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Good work with a storyline that translates rather complicatedly into an encyclopedic format -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 10:52, October 20, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just a few objections
    • It needs to be mentioned somewhere other than the intro that he was a human male.
      • Mentioned that he's human; the pronouns really do all the talking needed when it comes to sex. Havac 01:56, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • Third paragraph of "Tracking down Jadak": Context needed on Armand Isard.
      • Context added. Havac 01:56, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • That's it. Good read, since I haven't read the book and all…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 01:45, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks. Havac 01:56, October 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Gav Daragon

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Nayayen
    • There are various battles that should be linked in the intro.
    • I don't believe that the amulets actually glowed, just "tingled".
    • You must mention that Jori was taken to the decoy fortress.
    • I personally think that replacing File:Naga Sadow NEGTC.jpg with one of him mentoring Gav would be more appropriate.
    • Same as above for the Atlas and meditation sphere images. With the latter, I think it would be more relevant to have an image from Dogs.
    • "Withdrawing to his meditation sphere, Sadow informed Daragon that he would be leading the main fleet." It isn't clear who "he" is here.
    • The "crawl" in End of an Empire states that Sadow "triggered a secret weapon" to cause the supernova, not the Force.
    • Mostly minor things here that don't dull a good read. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 23:37, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Caedus

  • Nominated by: Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Over a year later, it's finally done. It'll probably take that long to pass, too. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Timeline
    • The section "still the student" reads: "He did not leave immediately, however. He spent some time instructing other Jedi, among them Nelani Dinn, whom he trained in lightsaber combat." This seems to suggest that he instructed Nelani before he set out on his journey, although Betrayal claims that this occurred in 33 ABY. It's a bit confusing as it currently reads.
      • Betrayal's statement that it was "seven years ago" that he trained her is an artifact of Betrayal's original setting in 37 ABY; after it was removed, some time references had to be rewritten and this one wasn't caught. The same rewrite was responsible for the mixup saying Zekk was younger than Jaina; one of their ages got corrected but not the other. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • I know that, but the sentence, as it currently reads, still seems to imply that he instructed Nelani before he left, which hasn't been established in canon, and is thus conjecture. The "seven years ago" statement is really a currently unresolved continuity issue, and I think it warrants a note in "Behind the scenes", just as in Nelani Dinn's article. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
          • Well, it implies that because that's obviously the situation. We know there's a timing error; we know that if we read it as a leftover mistake, it makes sense; we know if we read it as correct it makes no sense (Jacen is randomly heading back to train random Jedi in lightsaber technique, but refuses to see his parents even though he misses them?). It's a mistake, pure and simple. Just like all the stuff that's supposedly twenty years ago in Patterns of Force; we know it's not because it doesn't make sense and the book is riddled with timeline errors. It's a good idea to note it in the BTS, though, and I've done that.
            • Awesome. Really well-done paragraph in BTS. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Also, what's the basis for claiming that Jacen didn't set out on his journey until 30 ABY? Is it the consistent use of "five-year journey" in post-NJO novels? Even with that in mind, it still seems like conjecture on your part, unless it's been explicitly stated that he waited a year to leave.
      • It's the five-year journey bit, yes. It would be conjecture for me to say he left right away and all the other sources calling it five years were wrong on the assumption or inference that he had to have left in a matter of days right after TUF. Though that seems to be the vague assumption that the material kind of forwarded by not explicitly saying he hung around a while before leaving, other than the thing with Nelani, it's only a vague inference whereas the more specific references tell explicitly against it. I'm just working with what canon established. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • Maybe source the "30 ABY" in that sentence, and make a note of it in the reference? A note establishing that the novel(s) sourced indicate it was a five-year journey. That would clear up confusion, and make it clear to everyone that it's bsaed on in-novel statements and is not conjecture. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
          • It's already sourced to The Joiner King, which establishes that it was a five-year journey that ended in 35 ABY. There's not really any more sourcing needed -- if anything that might be questioned as "is that an inference or a guess or right in the text?" had to get sourced and noted, there would be twenty refs saying "No, that's in there," in each paragraph. I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's really necessary or practical. Havac 20:18, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
            • Yeah, you're right. For completeness's sake, I'd suggest adding in a couple more sources immediately after "Jacen set out in 35 ABY" (other novels which call it a five-year journey), but that's just a preference of mine, not a requirement. Cheers. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Ditto claiming that he visited the Baran Do Sages in 34 ABY --- Outcast states that he visited them near the end of his journey, but does it actually explicitly state that it was in 34 ABY? If not, then 34 ABY seems like conjecture based on the idea of The Joiner King taking place at the very beginning of 35 ABY.
      • The Baran Do, in 43 ABY, say he visited them nine years ago. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • My mistake! Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Some image captions end in punctuation while others don't.
      • Those which are complete sentences end in punctuation; those that aren't don't. Image caption policy. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm pretty nitpicky about timeline things, but a very well-done and extensively researched article with a fantastic use of images. Excellent job, Havac. Menkooroo 03:09, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thank you. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • The fourth paragraph of "Deep doubts" reads: "When five beetles menaced a pair of vulnerable Vors, however, he was forced to kill. More beetles were drawn to his lightsaber, forcing him to throw it away and run." I think it's worth mentioning that it was Droma who convinced him to throw the lightsaber. Droma was part of the expedition, and was the one who realized that they were attracted to light sources. Menkooroo 20:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • You just love Droma, don't you Jeff? I've added in a mention. Havac 01:44, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
        • Damn right I do. But I also did legitimately feel like the paragraph was incomplete. Feel the Ryn love! Menkooroo 03:46, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Pargo

  • Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:34, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Wherever you go, on sea or on sand, you can't ever hide from Pargo LaGrande!

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  1. IFYLOFD:
    • Pargo and Stele, who were both out stunting at the time of the raid" What do you mean by "stunting"? Could less colloquial language be used here?
    • Context on The Maze.
      • There isn't any. It's only briefly mentioned and there's nothing to say what it is. I was linking to the wrong Maze, however, so this is now a redlink. Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:38, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • Other than that it looks good. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:02, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Keshiri

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

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  1. Inqvote Thanks for the crossover! --Eyrezer 22:05, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
    • No prob—it was fun; I'll probably be doing some more species articles in the future :) Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 23:00, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Nice job! ~ SavageBob 00:32, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Grunny (Talk) 09:06, October 24, 2009 (UTC)

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  1. Two small points. According to the Atlas Online Companion, Kesh is in Wild Space, not the ORT. Which is correct? With regard to the Great Hyperspace War, I don't think it is accurate to say the rest of the galaxy was razed by it. From what I understand, it was a lot more limited than many other galactic conflicts. --Eyrezer 13:18, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
    • It seems I misread something: in Omen Rhea and Khai are in the ORT when they feel Skywalker's presence, however this was while they were abroad, working for the armada, rather than on Kesh. Both addressed; thanks for the review. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 16:53, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Prepare to be savaged..
    • Can you provide context for "uvak" on its first mention rather than later?
    • Otherwise, an excellent article. Glad to see an alien from you! ~ SavageBob 23:26, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Grunny:
    • I'm easy on this, but in the first paragraph of "Society and culture" there are three sentences in close proximity that start pretty similarly: "The Keshiri believed that the Skyborn" "The Keshiri believed that the Skyborn" "As such, the Keshiri believed that the". Could you vary this a little?
      • Addressed.
    • Just as a note, watch your comma use. When using a conjunction to join two thoughts into a single sentence, you should only use a comma if both parts of the sentence can stand alone and make sense as complete sentences. Otherwise, great job as always :). Grunny (Talk) 13:25, October 23, 2009 (UTC)
  4. A note from IFYLOFD:
    • One thing: "The Keshiri religion and government was led by the Neshtovar, who believed in the importance of tradition and religion above science and technological progress." A little context here: Is the Neshtovar one person, or a group? Other than that, good job. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:12, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Exodeenian

  • Nominated by: --Eyrezer 08:36, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A former GA pushed over 1k by the Atlas.

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  1. Oh, Essential Atlas, thou hast changed our lifeth at WookieeProject Aliens. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:32, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  2. I just checked the old vs. the new version, and I approve again. ~ SavageBob 23:09, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:29, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

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  1. Skippy Farlstendoiro
    • I understand what you're doing with the Atlas, but maybe you're giving too much background in some points, including stuff that goes quite beyond the Exodeenians and Exodeen. Particularly footnotes [6] (p. 130-133 of the Atlas) extends more than I feel neccessary; and in footnote [12] (p. 215-220) "In 29 ABY, the Yuuzhan Vong were finally defeated by a coalition of forces known as the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances." could be summarized to "until the final defeat of the YV in 29 ABY".--Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:32, October 21, 2009 (UTC)
      • I've shortened them both up a little. How does it look now? --Eyrezer 22:22, October 21, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Fuzzum

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 06:47, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Sorry about the poor images, but until this episode gets some sort of official release, this is all we're gonna get. ~ SavageBob 06:47, October 22, 2009 (UTC)

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  1. Furries of activities. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:46, October 22, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Farlstendoiro and the F-aliens.
    • Excessive footnotes: Several times, you refer to the same source twice in a row, while you only need to make a footnote if the previous one was different. Example: History, penultimate paragraph. Two footnotes to [1], the same source. Only the last one is needed, affecting the whole paragraph.
    • Ditto in Biology, first paragraph; notes: [1][4][5][1][1][2] You could remove the second [1].
    • No new info from A Guide to the Star Wars Universe, 3rd ed. or from The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia? (Or at least no references to them) If so: Maybe BtS could use "The information about Fuzzum in Star Wars Encyclopedia was repeated, word by word, in The Complete Encyclopedia"? Or the footnote could mention "information from A and B"
    • 80's toons. Sweet.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:08, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
      • These should be fixed now. Thanks for your review! Yeah, other 80s species should probably be written up too. It's unfortunate that Clone Wars is the current series. I can imagine the flurries of activity there would be around Droids if it were being aired for the first time nowadays. ~ SavageBob 14:31, October 22, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Alfonso Luiz Obota

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 11:54, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This took long enough

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