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Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations

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This page is for Featured article nominations. A Featured article is an article that is of complete quality and represents the best a Wookieepedia article can be. It is for fully fleshed out subjects that go beyond the limited content of Good and Comprehensive articles. On this page, users can nominate articles that they believe are ready to be reviewed to achieve Featured status.

The article-nomination process is not a way to showcase your favorite articles, but rather articles that are of high quality. Articles placed on this page will be extensively reviewed by experienced editors, including the presiding Inquisitorius review panel. The nomination process will require the article nominator to respond to objections and improve the article until the requisite number of users supports the nomination.

In undertaking a nomination on this page, the nominator is taking responsibility for their nominated article. This means they need to thoroughly read the following instructions, implement them into their nominated article, and respond to given objections. Nominators are encouraged to ask more experienced editors for guidance and assistance, but self-sufficiency is a requirement of the article-nomination process. It is not inherently the job of reviewers to rewrite elements of an article, but rather to guide nominators to be able to fix issues themselves.

Your nomination is your responsibility. Nominations that severely neglect the following rules or otherwise fall idle after two weeks will be subject to immediate removal.

READ THIS FIRST!

A Featured article must…

  1. …be well-written and comprehensively detailed.
  2. …be unbiased, with a neutral point of view.
  3. …have comprehensive Appearances and Sources lists.
  4. …be fully referenced, including all quotes and images. See Wookieepedia:Sourcing for more information.
  5. …follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
  6. …be stable during and following the review process. This means the article does not change significantly from day to day with new content and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism or other administrative edits, such as page protection.
  7. …not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
  8. …have no redlinks.
  9. …provide at least one quote on the article if available. A leading quote at the beginning of the article is preferred but not required if no quotes are available. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section or subsection.
  10. …include a "Behind the scenes" section for in-universe articles.
  11. …include a reasonable number of images of the highest quality to illustrate the article, as source availability permits.
  12. …provide an introduction that gives a good summary of the topic.
  13. …be at least 1000 words long. This word total counts the introduction, the article body, and "Behind the scenes" material, but not captions, quotes, headers, etc. For clarification, please refer to this flowchart.
  14. …be properly titled in accordance with Wookieepedia's treatment of Canon and Legends articles; i.e., no nomination may have "/Canon" in the title.
  15. …be nominated by a user who has promoted at least one article to Good article status. Exceptions can be made for a Good article nomination that, due to objections post-nomination, has gone over the Good article word limit, so long as the number of words added during the Good article nomination process is 250 or fewer.

How to nominate:

  1. Select an article you feel is worthy of Featured status. Nominated articles must meet all fifteen requirements stated above.
  2. Add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating, and save the page. Please note that if the article you are nominating has been nominated for Featured article status previously, you will need to specify the number of the nomination as a parameter (e.g. {{FAnom|second}}).
  3. Open the redlink in a new tab to create the nomination page, modifying the preloaded instructions as necessary.
  4. Copy the code provided to the bottom of this page.
  5. Purge the article to update the template.
  6. Other users will object to the nomination with issues and suggested improvements (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources, etc).
  7. The nominator should then adjust the article until the objections are satisfied. The objector is responsible for striking their objection when it has been addressed, not the nominator. Additionally, reviewers will often copy-edit the article themselves as desired to fix any issues.
  8. Following their review, other users will vote to support the nomination. Users may not vote on their own nomination.
  9. Each user (except for members of the Inquisitorius) shall be limited to four active Featured article nominations at any given time. Any additional nominations will be subject to immediate removal.
  10. Users must successfully complete one Featured article nomination before they can have two nominations active on the FAN page at one time. Likewise, users must complete two successful FA nominations before they can have three, and three successful FA nominations before they can have four.

How to review:

  1. To review an article, users should read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
  2. The article should be reviewed with the criteria listed above, and any issues should be placed under the Object section of the article's nomination page. Objections should be clearly explained, and detail how the article can be improved.
  3. Objections should then be addressed by the nominator. Once the objector is satisfied, they should strike their objection. The nominator should not strike reviewers' objections for them.
  4. Once a reviewer is satisfied with the article, they can vote to support it. Please note that in order to support a nomination, you must have 50 mainspace edits.

Result:

  1. If a nomination has been active for over two days and has no active objections, it may pass with a total of either five Inquisitorius votes, four Inquisitorius and two user votes, or three Inquisitorius and four user votes.
  2. Once the nomination is successful, the article will be considered a "Featured article." As such, an Inquisitorius member will archive the nomination using JocastaBot in Wookieepedia's Discord server and place the article on the Featured articles page. Only members of the Inquisitorius are allowed to perform these archiving tasks.
All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to immediate removal by Inquisitorius vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 2 weeks.


FeaturedIcon

The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must…

  1. …be well-written and detailed.
  2. …be unbiased, non-point of view.
  3. …be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
  4. …follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
  5. …following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
  6. …not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
  7. …have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
  8. …have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
  9. …have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
  10. …not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
  11. …be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Wookieepedia:Sourcing for more information.
  12. …have all quotes and images sourced.
  13. …provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
  14. …include a "personality and traits" section on all character articles.
  15. …include a "powers and abilities" section on all relevant character articles, especially for Force-sensitive characters where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
  16. …include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
  17. …pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
  18. …counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?

How to nominate:

  1. First, nominate an article you find is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
  2. Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
  3. Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
  4. The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
  5. Also, if, at least a week after the article's nomination, that article has 5 Inquisitor supports and no objections (or the objections have been stricken or overridden), it will be added to the queue, and will be officially known as a "featured article."
  6. Be sure to place sign in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

  1. Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
  2. Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
  3. Please note that in order for your vote to count, you must have 50 mainspace edits.
    1. If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
  4. As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
  5. Once the article has five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week, the article will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." Although articles do not need regular users' votes to pass, non-Inquisitors are encouraged to review articles and participate in the process.
  6. Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Also remember to add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the {{Featured}} template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the {{Featured article}} template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.


Featured article nominations

Lando Calrissian

(2 Inqs/10 Users/12 Total)

Support

  1. As co-nominator. Greyman(Talk) 20:45, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Objections will be fixed soon as sources are checked by several users, including myself. Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:29, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Imperialles 23:56, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
  4. This article is supported by Mecenarylord on 23:12, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
    Inqvote CC7567 20px-Rex.png talk 00:30, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
  5. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 11:34, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
  6. JangFett Talk 00:11, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
  7. —The Flash Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me bay-bay! 01:59, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
  8. Whoa. Nice work. –Victor Sienar (talk page) 03:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
    Awesome this will win for sure.Wesker432 09:33, 14 June 2009 (UTC) (Vote struck per policy)
  9. --Darth tom Imperial Emblem (Imperial Intelligence) 16:37, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
  10. He's too smooth!--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
  11. Thanks for the good read. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:57, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
  12. Much much better then it used to be. Keep up the good work!!--Loneshark1138 22:54 October 29, 2009 (UTC)

I dare object to Lando

  1. Thefourdotelipsis:
  2. Lord Hydronium:
    • Ditto Galaxy Guide 2: Yavin and Bespin. - Lord Hydronium 03:10, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
      • I've went ahead and added a sentence or two of some background information for this objection. I looked over my copy of the source again and couldn't see anything new beyond the sentences I just added. Is there something specific you're thinking of that I could work in? Greyman(Talk) 13:51, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
    • The mentions of Ymile are rather confusingly arranged. There's a picture of her near where Lando wins the bet with Raynor, but no reference to her in the text, then much later in the article it mentions she helped Lando win. That second part should be noted and clarified at the time it actually occurs; also, she should be linked there, since she isn't at the moment. - Lord Hydronium 00:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • Succession box should include Treece; Action Tidings and the Cloud City Databank entry both say he was the Administrator of Cloud City. - Lord Hydronium 00:41, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
      • Fixed the Ymile bits and buffed Lady Luck overall. Also, adjusted succession box, reffed from the actual Marvel comics though. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:15, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • Information missing on how Lando got back Cloud City, from The New Essential Guide to Characters. Geonosis and the Outer Rim Worlds not in; amongst the things to add is a bit in there about how Lando raised Tibanna profits that's also in the NEC. - Lord Hydronium 07:29, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
      • The Tibanna profits bit is already in there, just referenced from another source. The Cloud City re-taking has been added. Still working on GATOW. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
        • Two tidbits from GATORW added. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:41, 11 December 2008 (UTC)
          • Added it to the "Sources" list as well. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
        • Oh, I see; I was searching for "percent". - Lord Hydronium 19:52, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • More NEGTC tidbits: Lando giving control of Cloud City to the Ugnaughts after Zorba cedes it. Lando refusing to go to Chewbacca's funeral out of guilt. From GG3: Lobot convinced Lando to help Leia and the group. - Lord Hydronium 07:45, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
    • More missing sources: Rebellion Era Sourcebook, Roleplaying Game Revised Core Rulebook, Roleplaying Game: Saga Edition Core Rulebook, Dark Empire Sourcebook, The Truce at Bakura Sourcebook, Han Solo and the Corporate Sector Sourcebook (I just spotted a small mention, but there could be more), Heir to the Empire Sourcebook, The Last Command Sourcebook, and Star Wars Trilogy Sourcebook - Special Edition. For now. - Lord Hydronium 23:23, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
      • Rebellion Era Sourcebook is listed now, but it needs information from it. There's some on Page 111, for a start. - Lord Hydronium 07:01, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
        • The info on that page was already in the article. Could you tell me what specifically you are referring to? And the rest of the sourcebooks have been checked and added. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:18, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
    • I had a whole thing for here before, a giant list of every piece of information I could find from these sources that was missing. Then my text editor crashed, so here's a much more general list. The Cloud City section from the RESB has information on Lando's neutrality. The RCR talks about him getting his fortunes and smuggling arms to the Rebellion. DESB needs a ton of information from it. Read the whole thing. Lando's section, Wedge's section, an inset in the Coruscant section, and the Star Destroyer section have major information missing from the article—everything up to Lando crashing on Coruscant is missing. The sourcebooks for HTTE and Dark Force Rising have important information in their Lando sections, as well as the Nkllon section of the former and Lady Luck section of the latter. Dark Force Rising overall needs major expansion. It barely touches on their capture by Garm, the entire search for the fleet, and the battle for the Katana. The first paragraph if the SOTE section is extremely vague and needs expanding; nothing is said about how Rendar is guiding them or how he abandons them, or where the Imperial forces come from.

      My recommendation would be to withdraw the nom for now. It's missing too much major information from too many major sources. Dark Empire Sourcebook alone is a huge chunk not included, and with all that's been found, I frankly don't trust that this article is near complete. My advice would be to remove it, to read or reread all the sources thoroughly, rework the article, and then renom it when it's in a more complete state. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
      • Major buffs to SOTE and DFR completed. Will go through the other TTT-related sourcebooks soon. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
        • Major buffs to HTTE Sourcebook completed, minor buff to Rebellion Era Sourcebook. If you want more information from that source, I'll need a page number, because I just read through the entire thing and found a whopping one sentence of minor information. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:11, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
    • {{Mo}} for The Truce at Bakura, but it contains unique information to add. - Lord Hydronium 23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
    • In addition to the above, the following appearances and mentions are missing: Out of the Closet: The Assassin's Tale, Darksaber, Force Heretic I: Remnant, Therefore I Am: The Tale of IG-88, Payback: The Tale of Dengar, The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett, X-wing: Rogue Squadron, X-wing: Wedge's Gamble, X-wing: Wraith Squadron, Young Jedi Knights: Heirs of the Force, Young Jedi Knights: The Lost Ones, Young Jedi Knights: Lightsabers, Young Jedi Knights: Darkest Knight, Young Jedi Knights: Shards of Alderaan, Young Jedi Knights: Jedi Bounty, and Young Jedi Knights: The Emperor's Plague. - Lord Hydronium 01:17, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
      • Chack and I have addressed these. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:44, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
        • Force Heretic I has a bit about Lando from Jaina's childhood. Find text-searchable versions of these (ask on IRC if you need a source) and search through them for "Lando" or "Calrissian", please, because if the article's missing information from one, there's a chance it's missing from the others. - Lord Hydronium 03:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC)
          • No, no. You see, I did find that information when I went through and used text-searchable versions of these the first time. I just decided that particular tidbit was too anecdotal for inclusion in an encyclopedia article. However, if you're set on seeing "Calrissian also taught Jaina Solo to enjoy altha protein drinks during her childhood" in the article, I will add it, despite how trivial it seems. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:17, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
            • By itself that tidbit might be too anecdotal, but I think the fact that Lando had more interaction with Jaina in her youth than just going on a mission with her is worth something. - Lord Hydronium 19:08, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
              • After our discussion in IRC, I did a little more YJK research and added a paragraph about their interactions in general. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 19:58, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Almost forgot: None of the movie novelizations or radio dramas are included. - Lord Hydronium 01:19, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
      • This particular objection has been addressed, along with adding a number of other ESB and ROTJ-related appearances. I've checked both novelizations and will check with Tope to make sure there's no new info in the radio dramas. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:19, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
      • Han will have these objections down! We've gotta give them more time! (In all seriousness, we are working on these). Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:40, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
    • Sorry, haven't checked those yet, but another: Galaxywide NewsNets from Adventure Journal 14. "Calrissian Resurfaces as Baron Administrator". - Lord Hydronium 06:36, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
    • Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, page 13, bottom left. - Lord Hydronium 05:02, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Galaxywide NewsNets in Adventure Journal 5 has another article with Lando info, "Smugglers' Roster: Random Rumors". - Lord Hydronium 01:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. Gah, redlinks in source list, mine Databank and Wizards. Those first two totally slipped me mind. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:19, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
    • Red links busted. Greyman(Talk) 16:56, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
    • Databank has been mined and source list updated. Greyman(Talk) 15:32, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
  4. Infobox not fully/correctly sourced. Graestan(Talk) 04:24, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
    • I think I got the missing reference. If you desire other sourcing, please let me know. ;-) Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:22, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
  5. I'd like to take Yrf's comment below and turn it into an actual objection; for instance, I know there are quotes to be had by or about Lando and/or what he was up to at the time for the LCA, TTT, and BFC. Ideally, since the sections are so long, each should probably have a quote. Graestan(Talk) 13:48, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
    • All sections now have quotes except three tiny sections in the "Non-canon appearances" section in the BtS since quotes do not exist for those parts. Greyman(Talk) 16:32, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
      • Hope you found at least one funny one from LCA. ;) Graestan(Talk) 23:12, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
  6. File:Lando91.jpg, File:LanLukVil.jpg, File:Weaklando.jpg, File:Lando&Luke Marvel71.jpg and File:Lando&Han captive.jpg could all do with a re-scan. Other than that, excellent work, and about time! :) --Imperialles 13:08, 24 December 2008 (UTC)
    • All done. I was bored and Ataru mentioned it at the right time. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 00:16, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
  7. Image placement is irrelevant to the text in a number of locations. SinisterSamurai 07:32, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
    • I've moved a few things around. As it stands, there are two images that aren't directly pertinent to the sections they are in: the Caamas Document crisis section, and in the Kessel investment sections, where we used generic Lando images to fill gaps that would have left lots of text with no complimentary images. As it is, there's a good balance of images to compliment the text, but by removing those, the article's appearance would suffer accordingly. And there is article precedent for using generic images to fill "gaps". If there were more relevant images that could be substituted in, just point me in their direction and I'll gladly change it, but for now, it should stay as it is. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:03, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
      • Looks good.
  8. Needs info from Star Wars: Power of the Jedi. Thefourdotelipsis 08:54, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
  9. Eyrezer:
    • The Yuuzhan Vong War section: the early efforts section feels like it could be expanded quite a bit. For instance, IIRC, more could be added about the Solo kids trip to Dubrillion and their run etc, possibly with additions from Running the Belt (article).
      • I don't have that source; I'll see about expanding from Vector Prime soon, that should be the last of them up to that point. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 03:26, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • The attack on Dub could also be expanded.
    • Add more about Shelter, for instance, details on the representatives he met there. Randa and Numa Rar, no?
      • Done, but I'm scraping the barrel for new info from EoV II. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 06:26, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
    • Also add a date or two.
    • I'd like to know more about the Peace Brigade approach if possible. That one was new to me.
      • Nothing there. Calrissian mentions it offhandedly to the Solos in EoV II and I've squeezed as much as I can from it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 06:26, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
    • More about the YV droids and the assassination attempt.
      • I tried to expand it some without going into play-by-play. Let me know. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:32, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • More about his role in the mission to Myrkr. --Eyrezer 05:27, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
      • Same as above. I gave SBS a significant buff, but if you think it needs more, let me know. These are kinda largish objections, but I'll get them finished as soon as I can. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:32, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
  10. Toprawa:
    • I realize I promised you the ESB RD script notes, but until that time, here's the objection for their missing info.
    • Also, you're missing info from the ROTJ radio drama/script.
      • Can you be a little more specific about which parts? I gave it a listen when Hydro made his initial ESB objection, and while I don't have the script, I did add info from the radio drama. Was there something in particular you were looking for? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 22:32, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
        • Sure. I'm in the process of listening to it now for my article purposes, so I might add to this, but two things that strike me as pertinent are the scene in which he first approaches Leia in Jabba's palace to reveal himself, meaning that not everyone in the Save Han group knew how he had gotten in and where he was; and secondly the scene in which they first leave Tatooine, they're forced escape past an Imperial blockade. Lando just sits in the Falcon's cockpit and doesn't do anything but talk, but a mention would be appropriate, I feel. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:35, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
        • While en route to the Rebel fleet from Tatooine, Lando and the group help sooth Threepio's hurt feelings about not being privy to the specifics of the rescue Han plan. They talk about Corellian Overdrive, and Lando goes on to fix Threepio's damaged photoreceptor. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:46, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
        • There's actually a lot more to that scene. Han and Lando talk about how the Falcon was in Lando's possession during Han's carbonite days, etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
          • ROTJ radio drama has been located, listened to, and the article updated appropriately. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:54, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Including "TCG: Return of the Jedi" and "The Empire Strikes Back (TCG)" in the Source list just isn't good enough, I'm afraid. Moreover, I see only a single CCG card in that entire Source list, which tells me you haven't really scoured these cards for new information. You'd be surprised to find some new tidbits here and there. I realize there are probably dozens upon dozens of cards with Lando info on them, but if you're going to include one, you need to include them all. Yes, I know it sucks, and it's hard work, but this is an FA. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:20, 19 February 2009 (UTC)
      • "if you're going to include one, you need to include them all." Does this mean I just get away with removing that one? :-P ^_^ (lol, jk). No, in all seriousness, you're absolutely right. I've done all the CCG cards, and I'll let you know when I get the radio stuff and TCG ones added in. I'm going to be kind of busy until the end of the week due to RL though. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:40, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
        • 5 and a half dozen TCG and CCG cards added to source list? Is that better? Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 18:01, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
  11. QuiGon:
    • No info from The Gambler's Quest.
    • Some things are missing in the appearances list. Mighty Chronicles adaptations, Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back Mobile, Super Star Wars series, etc. QuiGonJinnBe mindful of the Living Force...Quigonheadshot 17:54, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
    • More missing info from N.R.I. Reports. Small tidbits about Lando requesting aid from the Senate. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 19:30, 12 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Are you sure that the "Black Sun coup" section should go between the Marvel stories? It would make much more sense to place it after the Nagai-Tof war. All Marvel stories are linked to each other pretty tight and there is no gap in the plot for SotE: Evolution to take place. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 20:53, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
      • After some research, I've seen no reason to leave the layout as is, and the Black Sun coup is now placed after the Marvel sections. Seems to make more sense that way. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:56, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
    • "The Mindharp of Sharu" section. Context on Jabba.
    • Also, context needed on Darth Vader and Luke upon first mentions in the "Trap at Cloud City"" section.
    • Explain what was so important in Luke that Vader set a trap for him.
    • Same section."Especially after the disappearance of C-3PO" Provide some context on what really happened to him. Then mention somewhere in this section that 3PO was recovered, because as it is now, it left me under the impression that the droid was still missing when Lando and the others left Bespin.
    • Same section again. "in pursuit of the Millennium Falcon and its Rebel crew". Mention that it was Han who has joined the Rebels, because it can be interpreted as if some unknown Rebels have acquired the ship.
    • Mention that Lando flirted with Leia and/or add it to the relationships.
      • All of QuiGon's objections up through this have been fixed. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • The "Skywalker's affliction" section. Context on Domina Tagge.
    • Same section. "which Darth Vader had falsely accused Luke of being responsible for". Rephrase. Yes, Vader did falsely accuse Luke the first time, but then Skywalker killed Tagge for real in issue 37, even if he did it by accident.
    • "Finding Argo and Vanis" section. Last sentence: "but were apparently unable to find anything." Unsourced.
    • Same section. Context on the second Death Star.
    • Linking problems. Jabba is linked in both "The Mindharp of Sharu" and "Mission to Blimph 3" sections, while the second Death Star is not linked at all upon the first mention in "Finding Argo and Vanis", but is instead linked in "The Battle of Endor"; and the link is that of the Death Star in general instead of Death Star II. Check other links.
    • "Near-death experience on Godo". Context on Bey.
    • Mention that Lumiya changed sides and allied herself with Tofs. And that she was shot on Saijo.
    • Stay tuned. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 21:01, 30 March 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nomad City". Context on Ecclessis Figg, ysalamiri. Also, why Thrawn needed the ysalamiri?
    • "Karrde hid the two former generals" Next sentence:"As such, the two former generals". Repetitive, rephrase.
    • "Karrde knew that was where Skywalker, who had escaped from his custody, and his pursuer, a woman named Mara Jade, would flee to, and that the Empire would find them and realize that Karrde had not turned over Skywalker to them." Maybe it's just me, but this sentence seems weird.
      • I've finally understood what this sentence says and I think I had some difficulty with it because of the missing "that". I've added it myself.
    • "After trekking through kilometers of forest, fending off predators, the party received when some Noghri commandos". Received what?
      • Everything from "Nomad City" down to here has been fixed. Although, Figg was already contextified. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 01:08, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
        • I'm sorry, but I haven't seen any context. You didn't say who Figg was. I've added it myself, just to show you what I wanted in the first place. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 11:45, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
          • I figured that saying that Figg was the one who first built Cloud City was sufficient context, but I have no problems with your change. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:56, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
    • "Palpatine reborn": "Unbeknownst to Calrissian, Skywalker had fallen to the dark side of the Force, and was in fact commanding the Imperial fleet". Mention that prior to that, he gave the codes to Artoo.
    • Same section. Mention that Skywalker was redeemed after all.
      • I think Chack fixed these a couple days ago when he reworked that section. :-) Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 21:37, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
    • "Run-in with the Imperial Remnant" Context on Reelo Baruk.
    • After the events of Jedi Outcast that happened in 12 ABY you mention the events of Planet of Twilight as happening the same year, yet the latter is placed here on Wook in 13 ABY. I don't know if it is really a mistake, because I haven't read the book.
    • "Tag and Bink". Context on Tag.
    • I guess that's all. QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 11:57, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
    • One more thing. Is there nothing to add from Ord Vaxal: Prison Planet of the Empire? QuiGonJinnThere's always a bigger fish. 14:19, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
      • According to Jaymach via IRC, he's only pictured in it. I've tagged the source appropriately. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
  12. From Ataru
      • I'm aware that there are redlink problems and image arrangements. I will fix those once Eyre's and Hydro's objections regarding content are satisfied. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 17:47, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
  13. Jinzler
    • The Star Wars Annual 2009 reveals that Lando made a few message recordings that were stored in R2-D2. He made one aboard the Falcon, telling the events of ESB up to his departure from Bespin. He recorded another two messages while on Endor, about the battle there --Jinzler 12:39, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
  14. You need way more context for the events surrounding the Second Galactic Civil War. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 20:15, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
    • I've added more context to it. Let me know if that's good enough, or if you want more. Since Calrissian was only peripherally involved for the most part, I didn't want to go too deep into it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 15:56, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
      • No, that's exactly the kind of context I was looking for. I'm striking the objection, although I will sucggest a rewording of "Calrissian remained with his expecting wife through the remainder of the war, which resulted in the death of Jacen Solo at the hands of the Jedi Order." just because it sounds a little like Lando being with his wife resulted in Jacen's death.Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:49, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
  15. I don't know the specific plot details of it, but Lando features in the story mode of Agents of Deception, which says something in it's article about him leading a team of Rebels to find a missing shipment of ryll --Jinzler 12:24, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Addressed per Eyre's objection above. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:46, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
      • Sorry, I didn't see that --Jinzler 22:22, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
  16. Missing some info from Star Wars: Chewbacca 3 (I think). Specifically, the encounter with the unidentified Moff and the small fact there that Lando wore silk. I can't actually find any reference to either in other articles so whether it is a Tales-esque level of canon or not is my guess. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:47, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
    • Whoops, I missed seeing this objection earlier. I've acquired the source and will update the article later today. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 16:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • Fixed. It's canon via one of the Essential Guides, I remember reading about it. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:14, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Not a formal objection, but there's space for a lot more quotes in the article. Yrfeloran 04:13, 23 November 2008 (UTC)
  • Who portrayed Lando in Dark Forces: Soldier for the Empire audio drama? Mauser 13:48, 1 February 2009 (UTC)
  • I'm voting for it!!!!!!!!
  • Will give a full Outcast update as soon as I can. I'll busy through the weekend and Monday, though, but next week, I hope to get that and some more of the sourcebooks done. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 20:06, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
  • I apologize for the confusion, but when I voted months ago it wasn't because I had read it; it was just because I wanted to see it featured. If I do review it, I'll vote, but not for now. CC7567 (talk) 18:16, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Happy (slightly belated) one-year anniversary of nomination! jSarek 09:15, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Darth Malak

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:05, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Hope it passes, nomed for FA per suggestion.

(1 Inqs/3 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Yup, it's good enough for me.--Kreivi Wolter 08:22, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. LordDeathRay (My Sith Holocron) 01:25, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. --Darth Jadious 13:48, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Hopefully everyone else will get whatever I've missed. CC7567 (talk) 16:21, November 9, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Bout time this thing got moving, methinks
    • Please clarify in the intro what you mean by "known Republic space." It's not very clear.
      • I think it's good, try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please check your linking throughout the intro. It seems that there's underlinking as far as events. Also, it appears that Malak's own flagship requires an article stub; please link and create one.
      • Malak's flagship is complete, I'll check for more links as the review goes on…--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Watch underlinking throughout the article article. A lot of articles weren't linked. Furthermore, throughout the body, please check underlinking both in general and specifically for events.
      • Same as above.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Since there's an ongoing objection for this below, I'll strike these. CC7567 (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please try to reword the third paragraph in "Recruiting for the Revanchists." There's a lack of flow with "His reaction was this," "he did that," and it's rather play-by-play.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Please try to shorten it a bit more. Also, the verb tense in "Alek reminded Carrick that the threat of the Sith was over decades ago" isn't working. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please shorten the fourth paragraph or rewrite it so that it's more related to Malak.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:37, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Still remains. Please shorten it more unless you believe that every single detail currently there is absolutely necessary to the reader's understanding of Malak. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I think I shortened it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Demagol came to take her, he volunteered himself to be studied in her place and insisted that he had some abilities that Demagol had yet to discover." I'm not sure who the indirect pronouns are referring to. This is also something to check for when you go through the article.
    • Please cut down on your dash usage. There are many places where commas would suffice.
      • OK, have to admit, I am a little emdash happy. Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:51, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I'm striking this for now, but I will be checking it in following reviews. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I would recommend spacing images better; particularly, the two in the short "Against the Jedi Covenant" don't balance with the previous, lengthy section that contains only one.
    • "When Adasca asked Alek if he should entrust the exogorths to the Jedi, Alek stated that it was not a bad idea, which shocked Jarael. He then told Jarael that the Revanchists saw heartache and chaos in the years to come, stating that as the reason why Revan sent him to the meeting." I have no idea who you refer to when you're saying "he" and "him".
    • "He then deactivated the weapon, allowing the discussion to continue, and also expressed disbelief that Mandalore would offer Adasca a powerful position in the Mandalorian war effort in exchange for the device controlling the exogorths, as well as Admiral Karath for offering Republic territory for the device." Same as above. Also, the "as well as" does not make sense.
    • "Alek was shocked that Draay would deny them passage just to get to Carrick, but the arrival of the Moomo Williwaw, the starship of the Ithorian bounty hunters Dob and Del Moomo, intervened." The "intervened" does not make sense, especially since it's used as a verb in relation to "arrival".
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
        • "Arrival...crashed into the Legacy": this still does not make sense; "arrival" is not a subject that can crash or even move, for that matter. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Overall, please check for awkward wording and choppiness throughout the article.
    • I'll continue the review starting with "Masks" later. CC7567 (talk) 01:33, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Going back and scrutinizing before continuing
    • Please check for underlinking throughout the article, specifically for events. I'm trying to stress its importance by reiterating this objection because it appears to be a major chunk missing from the article, and this article isn't going to pass in its current state. Was the defeat of the Jedi Covenant linked to a specific event? Did Malak's defeat of Revan occur during a specific event as well? I'm quite sure that "Malak and Revan fought each other" and "Darth Bandon, whom Revan and his companions had previously killed" should be linked as well, and all of that's only in the intro. This is a serious lack of information, so please go through the article again and check for this.
      • I will. I linked Vindication to the Covenant's defeat, the duel between Revan and Malak on board Leviathan is already linked in the previous sentence, under "intercepted". There is no article for the duel between Revan and Bandon.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • If the duel between Revan and Bandon does not have an article, it should. From what I can see, there isn't a reason not to create the article unless you can enlighten me with one. CC7567 (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I don't know if I could, since it hasn't been canonically established where Revan fought Bandon, and pics really can't be included, since I can't hide Revan's appearance.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:52, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
            • Pictures aren't required to make an article. You can simply create a stub for it; as long as it's linked and has an article (not necessarily a complete one), then it should be fine. CC7567 (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
              • OK, then, before I create the article, I want to ask about something. Does Wookieepedia presume that Revan searched for the Star Maps in this order: Tatooine-Kashyyyk-Manaan-Korriban? Because if so, then I can list that Nord was defeated on Tatooine, Bandon was defeated on Manaan, and I could essentially name said duel between Bandon and Revan "Duel on Hrakert Station". Plus, I could add the dialogue options which has Bandon explaining to Revan how he got down to the station, in Bandon's article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
                • Article created.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:47, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
                  • I'm going to wait on this one until this is resolved. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
                    • I believe this objection has been take care of, all events are linked.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • Is there a particular reason why throughout the article, "Alek" is being used instead of "Squinquargesimus"? I'm not familiar with KotOR that much, but please state your reasoning as to why his last name isn't being used for formality.
      • One of the Agricorps told me in the GA process for this article that I could use Alek, I actually was going to bring this up. If you feel it's needed, I'll change it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Right now, I'm not asking you to change it, but I'm asking why it's this way—as in, I'm asking for the reasoning behind this besides the fact that an AC told you that it was okay. Last names are used for formality, and I cannot see why this should be an exception. CC7567 (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Changed all references to "Squinquargesimus".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I'd still like to know why it was "Alek" in the first place, if there was a reason. CC7567 (talk) 20:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
            • I think it was because, Alek was his real name, Squinquargesimus was just an add-on, Alek mentions this in issue 31.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
              • Ugh. Since I don't know enough information, I'm going to trust your judgment to make a decision on this; if Alek is his real name, then technically that should be used throughout the article, but it depends on the circumstances of ""Squinquargesimus". It would be good if you could explain yourself a little better and clarify this before making a decision. CC7567 (talk) 08:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "the two twisted the allegiance of the Revanchists and Republic forces": I can't tell if you mean "Revanchist and Republic forces" or "the Revanchists and the Republic forces", but please reword for clarity.
    • "Convinced that his former Master had died, Malak usurped his mantle": so suddenly Revan is Malak's former Master when just one sentence ago, he was his Master? The third paragraph of the intro as well has the same problem. Also, I can't tell who you're referring to when you say "his mantle".
    • "It would not be long until the new Dark Lord of the Sith was proven wrong about his former Master's death." It's grammatically correct, but it's slightly awkward phrasing with the "proven wrong". Perhaps "proven wrong about his beliefs on his former Master's death"?
    • "and an amnesiac Revan, whose identity as the Dark Lord": the Dark Lord, or a Dark Lord? I'm not entirely familiar about how Revan and Malak ruled, so I'm leaving you to check if this is correct.
      • It's correct, Revan was the only Dark Lord of the Sith in the Sith Empire, 'til Malak betrayed him, that is.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "After Malak revealed to his former Master that he was indeed the former Dark Lord": it sounds like Malak revealed that he himself was the "former Dark Lord" to Revan. Please reword for clarity.
      • Taken care of, I believe.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:18, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Still remains. I'm asking you to reword the "he" in "After Malak revealed to Revan that he was indeed the former Dark Lord". CC7567 (talk) 18:39, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "People from Quelii did not have surnames, only names of their home villages; after he escaped Quelli when the Mandalorians devastated the world, the name of his home village was used as his surname on the immigration records." I would suggest rewording this because it appears to be just a simple side fact, and right now the chronology is rather murky and undefined in relation to his life at the village.
    • "Alek's desire to learn more": I can't tell if you mean "learn more than Revan" or "learn more than what he already knew", as in "furthering his own knowledge". Please reword for clarity.
    • "the Jedi Council urged patience and strictly forbade action, feeling that the true threat had not yet emerged": urged patience for who? Strictly forbade action from what? What was this threat that was not the "true threat"? All of this is unspecific, so please clarify. If the source didn't directly state it, try to word around it so that there aren't empty spaces in the sentence like this.
    • I'm just going to go ahead here and post all the events that sound like they deserve to be linked so that you don't miss anything. From these, please link what you can and clarify what cannot be linked and why.
      • "by participating in a scouting mission along the Outer Rim, just prior to the Mandalorian invasion of the Republic"
        • I'll see if I can get some info, don't think there's enough, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Invasion's been linked. I really couldn't find any info on the scouting mission, just that they ended up captured on Suurja.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:19, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
      • I would particularly check the second paragraph of "Recruiting for the Revanchists" and see if there's anything that has enough info to deserve an event article.
        • I really couldn't find anything that needed to be linked in this particular paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:42, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
      • "Alek was captured in an ambush before the fourth battle of Suurja by the Mandalorians": unless it took place during the fourth battle, the ambush requires its own article if there's enough info.
        • I don't think there's enough info for this. It appeared in a panel in issue 6, and was mentioned in issue 9.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
          • There would have to be much less info for this not to deserve an article. Please explain your reasoning. CC7567 (talk) 03:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
      • "fought Cassus Fett at Jaga's Cluster, and defeated much of the Mandalorian army at Althir": I have the NEC right here in front of me and cannot see why these do not have articles. CC7567 (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I'll create them as soon as I can.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:38, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Nevermind, the articles already exist, linked the articles already. They are Battle of Jaga's Cluster and Second Battle of Althir, respectively.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:45, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
      • "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation, he did not survive his next encounter with Revan." Please clarify if there's enough info. CC7567 (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
        • There is enough info, I've actually got the article ready to upload, just waiting for the results here, then I'll create it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:38, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Please note that I'm still waiting for final clarification from you on any of these that are unstricken. CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "the Jedi were supposed to defend against the Sith": defend what? Please check this.
    • "Alek laughed and said that the Mandalorians could have their boots at the Masters' throats, but to get them to notice the Mandalorians, they would have to paint their heads and babble about the dark side." Could you shorten this? It doesn't seem to be anything more than a side joke that doesn't serve a very big purpose.
    • "Sometime before Alek and the Revanchists came to Taris": please check your tense throughout this entire paragraph. The paragraph's placement in the article (and its tense as well) suggests that it took place after Alek conferred with Carrick, but its content suggests otherwise, and I have no idea which one is correct. Please clarify.
      • I think I've taken care of it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:49, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Demagol wanted to waste no time in testing Jarael due to her unusual Arkanian features": this is rather awkward wording, especially with the use of "wanted" in the sentence, which suggests that there was someone that had authority over Demagol and prevented him from testing Jarael. Please reword it.
    • "it was revealed that the Demagol that had emerged was actually Carrick": "the Demagol" in particular is unclear. Please reword this, perhaps to "it was revealed that Carrick was posing as Demagol" or something.
    • "Due to Demagol's mad experiments, doctors informed Alek that his hair would not grow back completely." With Demagol in the sentence, the "his hair" can refer to either him or Alek. Please clarify.
    • I'll have to continue this with "Adasca's plot and return to Taris". I know that I said I was going to continue with "Masks", but I was admittedly skimming in the previous review. I'll pick up the review again soon. CC7567 (talk) 21:10, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Until I start "Masks": "Carrick, who had left Taris with a Jedi Knight and the Shadow Celeste Morne": "a Jedi Knight"? Who? Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 03:30, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "They met with the two Jedi Knights and their fellow Revanchists, and told them abandon their efforts and disperse permanently, feeling that the Mandalorians were not a threat, and that nothing warranted the Jedi's aid." It's initially unclear who "they" refers to; I would feel better if you clarified it. Also, this sentence is a slight run-on and rather choppy.
    • "a Mandalorian mask under his feet": under whose feet? If you mean Malak's, I would recommend saying that "he realized that he was standing on a mask" or "noticed a mask that was under his feet".
    • "Revan decided to take up her cause and donned her mask, vowing not to remove it until there was justice, until the Mandalorians were defeated once and for all": what exactly was her cause? Also, the last part of the sentence is choppy, and unless you're trying to go for an extremely "dramatic effect", please reword one of the uses of "until".
      • Taken care of, for the most part. I don't see anything wrong with trying to be a little dramatic. But if it's an issue, I'll try rewording the "untils".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
        • This is an encyclopedic article, not a fantasy storybook. Please reword it. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "A few months after the events of Vindication, Zayne Carrick, now a free man, was participating in the Tandem Open—a swoop-dueling event organized on Jervo's World, a large network of swoop-dueling arenas, above the world of Pantolomin." Unless you're going to use this as "Carrick was…when" or a similar phrase, you're using the wrong tense here. Please fix this, as I'm not sure what you mean.
    • If you can shorten the first paragraph of "Confrontation with Rohlan Dyre" slightly, it would ease the flow; it's slightly rambing right now.
    • There's a lot of play-by-play in the second paragraph of the same section. Please vary all the "Malak said this," "Malak said that."
    • "They pulled Malak off Dyre, which calmed him down." Calmed who down?
    • To a certain point, there's also some p-b-p and choppiness in the last paragraph of "Confrontation". Please do some rephrasing.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:12, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I can only see that you've removed one phrase and changed the pronouns around; that's not rephrasing in the truest sense. Please do something more if you can. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Please note that this still hasn't been addressed. CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
    • As a note: if image captions are not complete sentences, then they theoretically should not have periods, which is why I've removed the ones you've replaced. Also, please do not use the term "unidentified" in an OOU article. I'll continue with "The final battles" soon. CC7567 (talk) 08:23, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Please reword "going on the attack"; it's colloquial and rather unspecific. CC7567 (talk) 02:30, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak and Revan changed much from the idealistic men that had first broken away from the Jedi Council": I know that you explain this in the following sentences, but you don't relate this sentence to the others. Please reword and rephrase it so that it flows better.
    • "The battle resulted in catastrophic losses on both sides. In the end, many Jedi were twisted to the dark side, and the once proud Mandalorian clans were crippled, just as Revan had intended." Please find some other way of stating the battle's results and consequences rather than the extremely blatant "The battle resulted in".
    • "After the final battle of Malachor V": is this supposed to be the "final battle of the war" or the "final battle of Malachor V"? You don't mention any other battles on Malachor V, and therefore this doesn't make sense.
    • "After the final battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47, an assassin droid." This has no immediate relevancy to the article, and unless it does, please find some other way of mentioning it in relation to Malak. You don't have to state every single thing when it happens unless it's entirely relevant to Malak.
      • I think it is relevant, since Malak did want her killed, according to HK in The Sith Lords.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Avoiding detection by the Jedi": I thought at this point, Revan and Malak were Jedi? Please reword for clarity.
    • "Malak warned Revan of the consequences": what consequences?
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:02, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
        • I still can't tell why you're avoiding this. Was one of the consequences death? A severed connection to the Force? Or was this simply not clarified by any source? CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
          • How about now?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 04:38, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
            • "feeling that if they examined the Star Map, the Jedi would banish both he and Revan": please clarify what "Jedi" you're referring to, since Revan and Malak still appear to be Jedi. CC7567 (talk) 20:07, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
              • OK, put in "Jedi Order". Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:23, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak followed his Master in his wake": this comes out of nowhere with no clarification or explanation as to how it happened.
      • I'll take care fo this one soon, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:23, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Though the order in which they did so is unknown": if this is an IU article, this is a huge no-no. Do not state what is unknown unless it's to something in-universe, not to the reader. Please find a way to word around this.
    • "Malak and Revan had both visited Korriban at least once when they were known as Jedi": this "known to" phrase is unspecific since it's not defined who it was "known to". Basically, the entire last paragraph of "In search of the Star Forge" is talking from an OOU perspective. Please find a way to reword it.
    • "and of the disruptor field that had caused their ship to crash": whose ship?
    • "After having gained their trust, the Elders gave Revan and Malak access to the temple." It would be Revan and Malak that had to "gain [the Elders'] trust", not the other way around. Please reword this.
    • Please clarify what you mean by "known space".
    • "During Malak's time as Revan's apprentice, he asked HK-47 what he thought of him. The droid informed Malak of his "meatbag status," and Revan found the term amusing, programming HK-47 to call all organics such." I cannot see why this is in Malak's article aside from simple humor, which does not constitute its inclusion. Unless you have a better reason for this and can clarify how it's directly related to Malak, please remove it.
    • "At some in 3,958 BBY": please check this.
    • Please clarify when Malak (and Revan, possibly as well) takes the title of "Darth". The change should be clear and should not have to be clarified.
    • "Darth Malak assumed command of the Sith Empire": what Sith Empire? Please link it. Also, you should have mentioned that Revan and Malak built an Empire earlier in the article. I can't see why it's mentioned this late when Revan and Malak have already declared war on the Republic and Jedi.
    • "After Revan was retrained in the Jedi ways, the Enclave ordered them to search for the Star Forge." I can't tell if this is where Revan's Jedi training is supposed to be, but the subject/plural agreement here isn't working.
    • "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation" as what?
    • "Despite Nord's galaxy-wide reputation, he did not survive his next encounter with Revan." So he encountered Revan twice? The first isn't specified.
    • "Sometime before Revan and his crew found the fourth Star Map, Malak and his Sith forces attacked Dantooine." Please move this so that the article has better and proper chronology.
    • Overall, please check the rest of the article for clarity; the article should be clear enough to the point that I shouldn't have to ask you to clarify anything. I'll continue with "Revelation on the Leviathan" later. CC7567 (talk) 19:20, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Please note that there are still a few objections currently remaining. I'll pick up the review soon, but after I go through the article completely, I'm going to be running through this again with you to flesh out all the other discrepancies that I might have missed. My recommendation is still the same—that you check the rest of the article for clarity before I review it. CC7567 (talk) 20:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Recurring clone attack
    • Again, I'm going to reiterate that there are still objections remaining above. I'm not sure if you just haven't had the time or if you haven't noticed them, but please try to fix them soon.
      • No, I haven't had that much time on my hands. My laptop's been KO'd by tech issues, so I'm using the library's computer's once more.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • Basically the entire first two paragraphs are not directly related to Malak, and there's too much detail in them. Please see if you can shorten them; it's reading like an article of the battle rather than on Malak.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
        • Still remains, and I do not see much "shortening". Please clarify just why this much Malak-unrelated detail is needed. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
          • I shortened it some, please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:50, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Sometime after Karath left, the Ebon Hawk crew member that Revan chose to break him and the rest of the crew out of the Sith's detention level managed to free them all." The crew member needs an article, and this whole sentence is unclear. How did Revan choose a crew member to help them, and why would a crew member help them?
      • I'll take care of the sentence, but I believe that there was on the article for this character, but it was ultimately deleted. The article was called "Leviathan prison break agent". I couldn't locate a log on why it was deleted, somebody here probably knows where it is. I'll see if I can find it, I personally don't see why it can't be recreated, per the Dxun Force Adept.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • Article created: Leviathan prison break agent.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:44, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "She confirmed the fact, saying she was part of the Jedi strike team sent to capture him." Please check your tense. It sounds like Revan was being captured right then and there.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • Just a note: "confirm to <someone>" is rather bad and improper English. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please rephrase "end his former Master"; it's not very clear.
    • "Malak had always regretted betraying his Master from afar, but had now been given a second chance to prove himself." Please somehow rephrase this so that it's more related to the current state of events. I see no reason why it's in here except to serve as unnecessary trivia, since you're not linking it to the events or clarifying how it's relevant.
      • Good point. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • The first paragraph in "Training Bastila Shan" is extremely redundant in wording, and overall, the phrasing is very boring. Please do something about this.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • "The true reason Malak chose Shan to be his apprentice was the advantage the Sith Empire could gain from her battle meditation." Please somehow link this into the rest of the text. Blatant statements like this often sound like unnecessary trivia. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
          • You can take a look at it, I think I need to remove it outright, but if it's OK I'll leave it be.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:27, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "at three hundred percent of what the Sith army projected": projected? Please clarify; I don't understand what you mean.
    • "When the Jedi penetrated their defenses": "they" who?
    • Do we know who this Dark Jedi is? Can he/she get an article?
      • I don't see why he should get an article; he only appeared twice, and both times on the Star Forge with Malak.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • ...I don't understand your reasoning. If he's confirmed to be the same character that appears twice, I see no reason that he should not get an article. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • I don't think you've ever clarified how or even if the Star Forge can make battle droids. Please do so.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • Please do so earlier at the earliest place possible and relevant. I can't see any reason to do so all the way down there when you already mention the Star Forge battle droids before but never clarify it. CC7567 (talk) 06:25, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak was at first surprised that any Jedi could stand against an army of Star Forge droids": the "any" does not seem to be the right word here, as it leaves the plural in speculation. Please try to rephrase this.
      • Took care of the "any".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • There are way too many "then"s and other words that are providing an extremely unnecessary sense of chronology. I've removed some, but please regulate your use of them.
    • "Revan managed to stop the droids from attacking": from attacking what?
    • "Malak surmised that Revan would be a far greater asset to him than even Shan and her battle meditation. He then theorized that perhaps Revan was too powerful to be his apprentice, and that when and if Revan became stronger than him, Revan would betray him, as he himself had betrayed Revan. The former Dark Lord said that he would never turn to the dark side again, which Malak said were foolish words." This is very close to—if not already—rambling and vested with pbp. Please shorten these details.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
        • I see no change to this paragraph except a modification to a reference note. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • The same issue with the entire last paragraph of "Final confrontation and death," with the addition of more redundant wording. Kasra, I've read other sections of your article that have been much better than this, and I know you can do better.
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:13, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
        • I'm striking this for now, but the unspecific pronouns and lack of clarity mentioned in the objection below still prevent this one from being properly satisfied. Please take care of this as soon as possible. CC7567 (talk) 07:27, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
    • Throughout this entire section, I never have any idea of who you're trying to refer to with "he", with a few exceptions. Please reword for clarity.
    • What "previous duels"? Has that ever been clarified?
      • Yes, there was the one in which Revan sliced off Malak's jaw, (no info on it other than that) and the one on Leviathan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Although Malak was gone, Revan's final duel with him would not be the last anyone ever saw of him." I don't know who you mean by "him".
    • "Shortly thereafter, the Jedi Exile left the known galaxy in search of Revan to help him combat the "True Sith", after she defeated Darth Traya and her Sith Triumvirate." Your wording in terms of chronology is unclear here. Also, is this even necessary or relevant to Malak's article?
      • You know, you're right. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • "in case Malak failed to conquer the galaxy": please clarify why this is in there. It's not making sense, and I can't see why you're linking this to "Revan's original goals".
      • Removed, not relevant.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:46, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please check "obvious compared."
    • "it showed its heart": what showed his heart?
    • The fourth paragraph of "Legacy" isn't very coherent and can be worded slightly better.
    • Looking back at all of the objections I just made, I'm noticing that I'm still having to ask you to reword a lot for clarity. If I get the chance, I may finish this review tomorrow, but I don't want to have to object to the same things. If that's the case, then I'm going to hold off until you can check the rest of the article. When you get the chance, I strongly urge you to read through the P&T, P&A, and Bts to make sure that I won't have to ask you to clarify anything else. CC7567 (talk) 08:01, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • Alright, I think I might have killed these issues. I'm not entirely sure, though, please take a look.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:53, September 17, 2009 (UTC)
        • Some of the above still remain, and many also remain from past reviews. Please double-check them. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
          • I'll make sure I do.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:25, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please double-check your tense in the second paragraph of "Final confrontation and death". The current wording suggests that Malak's draining of the Jedi's life forces took place concurrently with the duel, which is unsupported by the current context of the article. Even if the tense is correct, please take note that it's unclear and take action accordingly. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • I think it's taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:25, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
        • I still can't tell which tense or timeframe is supposed to be correct, because the context still suggests that it should be worded as "had been", as in he "had been draining their Force energy". Please clarify here so that I can help you word it better. CC7567 (talk) 20:37, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
          • OK, I appreciate the help. See, Malak had been allowing the Star Forge to corrupt the Jedi's energy. After explaining this to Revan, he immediately, then and there, drained the one Jedi's energy.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:29, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
            • If Malak had already captured the Jedi and had been draining their energy, the tense should reflect that. Also, that Jedi whose energy Malak drained should get an article. CC7567 (talk) 06:50, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
              • Malak captured the Jedi, but as far as I know, did not use any of their reserve evergy until his and Revan's duel. No canonical proof that he used them anytime before this. How would I title such an article? Would this work? Unidentified Jedi (Star Forge's observation deck)--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:19, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
                • Article created: Unidentified captive Jedi.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:35, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
                  • The article was deleted by Chack Jadson, so it must not be relevant.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:38, September 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please structure your P&T better. For starters, the note about his humor is smack right in the middle of a paragraph dedicated to his anti-Council beliefs, and it simply does not fit. Please check for this throughout the section.
      • I couldn't find an appropriate paragraph to stick this with, so I removed it. Please take a look at the section.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Malak knew that he would face this dilemma, the horrors of the war were not a mystery to Malak." You're improperly linking two independent clauses here, and I have no idea what you mean, what you're trying to say, or how you're trying to relate them.
    • For future reference, it's very bad form to involve the reader in the article by including "you" or "your" in an encyclopedic article; it's both unnecessary and unspecific, since it's never clear who the "you" is talking to. I highly recommend ceasing your usage of it.
    • I would consider merging "Training Bastila" with another section. As it stands, one skimpy paragraph does not warrant its own section if you're trying to be consistent in size. However, please note that this one is a suggestion, not an objection.
      • I'll take that suggestion. I merged it with the "Revelation on the Leviathan" section, please see what you think.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • There are too many "capable"s in the P&A. Please find alternatives rather than using the same wording over and over.
      • There's only two in the P&A section, should I omit one of them?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
        • My mistake; it's "could," not "capable," that's being overused. CC7567 (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
          • Take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:27, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
            • If I previously object to a phrase and ask you to remove it, that usually means that it should not be used again. Please see my objection to the "known to" wording above. CC7567 (talk) 22:34, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
    • For now, that's all I have. I will be going through the entire article again with you shortly to make sure that nothing is missed. CC7567 (talk) 06:50, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for this first review, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:07, September 24, 2009 (UTC)
        • Before I start my second review, I'd like to again reiterate that any unstricken objections have either not been addressed or have not received clarification if you've addressed them. CC7567 (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC) -->
  4. Attack II
    • If you're going to include the "as Darth Malak" for his affiliation to the Sith, you're going to have to be consistent and do the same for the other affiliations.
    • Can anything about his regrets before death be included in the intro?
      • I don't see how. Plus, it really isn't relevant to the intro, in my opinion.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • Is the "honorary Master" currently at its earliest possible/relevant mention?
    • Reading this over and over, I cannot see why the Jedi Covenant's vision even belongs where it is now. In the current tense, it excessively implies that it was directly related to Malak. It should be mentioned where it first becomes relevant, and it is not relevant in its current location.
    • The current level of detail for the vision is also inappropriate. You're going to have to provide a very good argument as to why, particularly, the red enviro-suits and Rogue Moon should be in there. All that needs to be said is that they misinterpreted a prophecy of their own deaths and believed that their Padawans were responsible for it.
    • "regarding Adasca's meeting from Vamm": please check this; the "meeting from Vamm" isn't proper English.
    • I'm getting tired of reading all your usages of "who was" throughout "Adasca's plot and return to Taris". Please check if all the facts that you link them to are entirely necessary and do some rewording.
      • What do you mean? There's only one "who was" in this entire section.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • Will resume soon with "Against the Jedi Covenant". CC7567 (talk) 21:25, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Despite Squinquargesimus' assurances of clearing Carrick's name": this is improper English. As you're the one who knows what you're trying to say, please be clearer.
    • "and that nothing warranted the Jedi's aid in the Mandalorian Wars": aid to whom? It sounds like you're trying to say "involvement" here.
      • I am, so it's in and "aid" is out.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The four men who expressed interest in Jarael in reality": please check this; I cannot tell where the "in reality" is supposed to go, but its current placement is improper.
    • "told her that the reason for that": reason for what?
    • "As the war progressed, Malak and Revan changed from the idealistic men that had first rebelled against the Jedi Council." If you're going to use this phrasing, you're going to have to clarify what they changed to.
      • I'll take care of this soon, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
        • Taken care of, I believe. Did some rearranging.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:23, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Developing a cold, calculating disposition that was uncharacteristic of Jedi, "moral shortcuts" became common practice under Revan and Malak's leadership, as did a number of other unsavory acts." This sounds like the "moral shortcuts" developed the cold, calculating disposition.
      • I rearranged this a bit, please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "If a world had no strategic significance, then it had no significance, regardless of the cost in sentient life." The "cost in sentient life" is phrased awkwardly, and its inclusion in the sentence isn't verified. If a world didn't have any significance, then what did Revan and Malak do to it? Please clarify directly.
      • After merging two of the paragraphs, this sentence seemed contradictory to the tone of the paragraph. Please take a look at it and advise.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Revan intended to unleash": I can't remember if I've already discussed this with you, but you don't clarify if he actually did or not. Please do so.
      • No, he didn't actually activate it, the Jedi Exile did. I believe the necessary info is in this section's final paragraph. I also did some rearranging of the third paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:21, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • Will continue with "In search of the Star Forge". CC7567 (talk) 07:23, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • Can you clarify the placement of the Star Forge search? The content leading up to it suggests that it took place after the war, but the verb tense and content of the section itself says otherwise.
      • Not sure if it's completely fixed, but you can try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:31, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
        • If you're not completely confident that you've fixed it, chances are that you haven't. If the search for the first star map took place during the Mandalorian Wars, then the article needs to reflect that. CC7567 (talk) 02:10, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
          • Cut out the "In search of the Star Forge" section, and moved image and info to "The final battles". Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:25, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
            • Your clarification of the necessity to find the Star Maps to locate the Forge needs to come at the earliest place of relevancy, as I've been asking you to do throughout this whole review. It isn't initially clear why Revan and Malak went to look for them. CC7567 (talk) 02:53, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
              • Got it. Did some rearranging; I put this sentence in the third paragraph of "The final battles": The Star Map was necessary to uncover the secret location of the Star Forge, a relic of the Rakatan Infinite Empire that had ruled the galaxy approximately 20,000 standard years before. I believe this is the earliest place, especially if you take into count Malak's dialogue from the first game.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • "capturing the majority of the Republic fleet": it sounded like the indirect articles were switched around, since the first "the" used to be an "a," which is improper English. I changed the first one, but please check the second one to make sure it's correct.
      • Yes, it is correct. Put "the Republic's fleet" rather than "the Republic fleet".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:31, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • That's all I have the time and energy for right now. Will continue with "Dark Lord of the Sith." CC7567 (talk) 05:08, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Committed to uniting the galaxy beneath his authority, Revan was determined to locate the Star Forge." This really doesn't make sense. Why did they want to locate the Star Forge? To use on some squabbling species that was a threat to the galaxy? To do whatever they pleased? CC7567 (talk) 03:08, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Unbeknownst to Malak, Shan saved Revan's life and brought him to the Jedi Council, where his mind was reprogrammed with the identity of a Republic soldier." The "where" does not match up here; please fix this.
    • "as he failed to capture Shan and was killed by Revan after he found a fourth Star Map": "he" who? (If it's Revan, please find some other pronoun to use instead of repeating the name excessively.)
      • Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • Was he trying to find the Star Maps to track down the Star Forge, as he had done before? It's implied, but I don't believe that you clarify this directly. CC7567 (talk) 21:04, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The Sith Lord plundered through the ruins": ruins of what?
    • "Malak was at first surprised that a Jedi could stand against an army of Star Forge droids": I still can't make sense of what you're trying to say with this "a Jedi." You previously specify no other Jedi in this section, and it simply does not flow well. Please clarify this.
    • "Though Malak knew that his Sith troops would not kill Revan": why? Out of inability, lesser powers, or unwillingness to do so?
    • "Revan's tactics in galactic conquest included relying on the Star Forge only to a certain extent, sparing worlds with military and economic significance from the brutality of conquest, killing off political and military figures who were destabilizing the galaxy, and converting many to his cause rather than simply annihilating them outright." Please clarify how this excessive detail is necessary when you simply say "In contrast to his Sith Master Revan" a second later.
      • Taking another look at it, these details aren't relevant. Removed.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Because of Squinquargesimus' belief of the Jedi Order's passiveness, he joined Revan's campaign against the Mandalorians, believing that the Jedi Council would not be able to solve the conflict." Please somehow vary "belief".
    • I've had to change a ton of "Revan" and "Malak"s to other pronouns to nix the heavy redundancy, but there are still a hefty amount of repetition in the article. Please go through the article and correct this. Other than that, that's it. CC7567 (talk) 08:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
      • I think it's good now. I appreciate you going over the article, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Please make sure that the placement of the images match what the article is talking about. I don't have the means to check this myself right now, but I would suggest that you do this. CC7567 (talk) 23:16, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Information on Malak from the upcoming Demon arc will be added when it comes out.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 00:14, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
  • I'll be busy for the next few days, but I'll take care of your objections, CC.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:58, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
  • By the way, according to the CSWE's entry on the Leviathan, Malak took command of the ship when Karath brough the ship to the Sith, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:04, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Kasra, just so you know: it's not that I've forgotten about Malak, I just haven't had a lot of time on my hands lately. I'll try and finish him up this weekend if possible. CC7567 (talk) 15:48, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
  • That's no problem, CC, I myself have been busy. Have to use the library's computers since my computer is on the fritz.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:09, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
  • Hey CC, I'll get to the remaining objections as soon as I can, kinda busy.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:16, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
    • A note on the "one-time" and "towards" that I have now reverted back: the former was improper usage of the "ndash"—it's already an idiom used in English and does not deserve a different dash, and the latter was slang. CC7567 (talk) 06:46, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
  • Another note, this one on the P&T paragraph that I split back again: it's often best not to have huge walls of text in the middle of articles, especially if it's a deviation from the article's standard paragraph size. CC7567 (talk) 21:00, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
  • CC, I would greatly appreciate it if you would review the information on Malak I will have to add in the coming months, from the Demon story arc.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:20, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'll try my best, but I can't promise anything. It's best if you leave comments here so that I know when future issues are released, since I won't be keeping Malak in my watchlist anymore (as I only keep FANs watched during my reviews). CC7567 (talk) 16:21, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
  • I will edit the article with info from the latest issue tomorrow.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:40, November 19, 2009 (UTC)

Little Bivoli

  • Nominated by:NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 19:50, 29 June 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Long story short, I killed off the GAN and put it up for my first FAN.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. I fixed all instances of "Heirogryph", back to "Hierogryph". Looks good, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:57, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 18:37, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 13:35, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. File:Bivolimess.jpg needs to be re-uploaded with the speech bubbles restored. --Imperialles 10:16, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • Is it "Little Bivoli", as the title states, or "the Little Bivoli"? Please try to be consistent.
      • The ship is called "Little Bivoli" but one refers to it as "the Little Bivoli", as with the Executor. I fixed all instances to "the Little Bivoli". NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "the outer parts of the these were on the diagonal surfaces of the vessel, and when open, would not beneath the partial shelter of the overhanging hull, meaning that these parts were not protected from rain.": please check this; it seems like there's something missing after "would not".
    • Please vary "located".
    • "This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him, declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for person to whom a life-debt was being pledged, the to pay him." Please check this sentence, particularly the last part.
      • Fixed NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
        • "This fooled Slyssk into making a life-debt to him; declaring the Snivvian to be his Ghrakhowsk, the Trandoshan term for the person to whom a life-debt was being pledged." Your semicolon usage is improper here, and it disrupts the sentence flow. Please either replace it with what it was before or rephrase it. CC7567 (talk) 17:49, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "They were ordered to merge into formation for a hyperspace jump bound for Serroco": who's "they"? The previous sentences brings up more subjects that could serve as the subject of this sentence. Please clarify.
    • Overall, I'm noticing a distinct underusage of commas. Please go through the article again and make sure that none of the sentences are run-ons, because that's what the lack of commas are causing.
      • I noticed that it was a case of too many commas in some places and none where they were needed. I've fixed them and a disjointed sentence or two. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:11, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I'll continue with "Camp Three" soon. CC7567 (talk) 05:51, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
    • The first sentence of "Destruction" does not make sentence. Please check it and clarify.
    • The "Owners and operators" is placing a lot on what is "known" and "unknown," but this is improper wording for IU articles. Please only state what's known and write it from a more general point of view.
    • "Despite the Little Bivoli's destruction at the Battle of Serroco, Hierogryph and Slyssk managed to escape and were reunited with Carrick soon thereafter." Is this absolutely necessary in the Bts? It should be in the History, if anything, because in the Bts it's simple and unneeded trivia. CC7567 (talk) 00:39, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Moved to history. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the reviews CC. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:45, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Despite JJM referencing Star Wars Galaxies as his source for Bivoli tempari, it actually originated from Riders of the Maelstrom (WEG). Not sure if the BTS section should reflect this somehow. --Azizlight 03:36, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • I didn't know that, thanks for pointing it out. Now addressed. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 07:46, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
      • Cool. Could i suggest just a couple of additional words to explain why SWG is being mentioned? How about: "a foodstuff Miller found in Star Wars Galaxies, that first appeared in Riders of the Maelstrom." Sorry to be a pain :-) --Azizlight 23:16, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Cav's objection:
    • Both of the paragraphs in the "Destruction" section describe Gryph and Slyssk escaping the planet. Can you condense these mentions into a single mention that describes what happened to avoid repetition? Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 10:02, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks, I must have forgotten that when I updated it with Demon, Part 1. Now fixed. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 16:18, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
        • I thought that was the case. I also re-added the DoF 3 reference tag, since that entire paragraph can't be soley attributed to Demon, Part 1. - Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 13:35, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • With the release of Demon, Part 1, I've updated this with a few words that detail how Slyysk and Hierogryph escaped. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 19:16, November 20, 2009 (UTC)

Tranquility

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Please watch linking, though. CC7567 (talk) 04:04, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote —Xwing328(Talk) 21:17, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 15:48, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Kreivi Wolter 21:59, November 29, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Attack of the Clone
    • Are you sure the Tranquility was the one that arrived over Rodia during "Bombad Jedi"? I know that there's some information to suggest that it was, but neither the episode nor its online guide confirmed it. If another source states that it was, please reference it.
      • I'm not seeing where I indicated that.
        • Bah; sorry, I must have misread it. CC7567 (talk) 04:13, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
    • If the Tranquility was the one that appeared during "Bombad Jedi", please try to shorten the intro. It's debatable whether or not Amidala and Binks even require a mention here, but there's simply too much context for Gunray. If it needs to be stated that Gunray was "fighting against the Republic", state it in the body; it's already heavily implied if he was captured by Republic forces.
      • Took out the Council context.
    • "The ventilation shafts were utilized by Asajj Ventress to travel from the flight deck to the engine room, and from there to the detention level." Ventress is going to need context here if you're going to mention her so early; unless there's a reason for it, I would suggest removing this and mentioning it chronologically when she actually uses the shafts.
      • Removed.
    • "The Tranquility was a Venator-class Star Destroyer in the service of the Republic Navy during the Clone Wars." Yes, this is part of its history, but it should have (at least) also been mentioned in the "Characteristics" section. Also, please watch overlinking.
      • The fact that it's a Venator in the Republic navy is already in the characteristics. If I were to explicitly restate that "The Tranquility was a Venator-class Star Destroyer in the service of the Republic Navy during the Clone Wars.", it would be extremely unneccessary and repetitive, as that information is already in the intro and history.
    • "The boarding ship's pincers pierced the Tranquility's hull, and inserted into the roof of the dorsal flight deck." This is redundant; you've already said that the Droches slammed into the Star Destroyer's hull. Also, please check the last part of the sentence; it's not flowing well.
      • Addressed.
    • In the third paragraph of "Prisoner transport", please try to vary "while".
      • Done.
    • I'll continue this with you later when I have more time, but I'll leave you with these for now. CC7567 (talk) 23:28, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. "The captain of the vessel was a clone who was present on the bridge during the Confederacy's initial attack..." Which initial attach was this? The rescue on the Tranquility? —Xwing328(Talk) 17:14, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • I meant the Confederacy's boarding and starfighter assault. I replaced "initial attack" with "boarding." Does it need more clarification or is this okay? Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:59, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
      • Yeah, I still feel it could use a touch of context. Reading that section by itself, I'd have no idea what you're talking about. Just another link to that might help. —Xwing328(Talk) 02:12, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Nahdar Vebb

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Nice to see this guy in better shape. CC7567 (talk) 03:19, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Kreivi Wolter 04:34, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Very nice. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:53, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:43, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:00, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

  • Should the " "Newsreel" only " be changed to "appears in flashback" ?--Kreivi Wolter 13:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
    • He can't appear in a "flashback" if he hasn't already appeared. CC7567 (talk) 21:47, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Good point.--Kreivi Wolter 04:37, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Well, to appear in a "newsreel," the event would already have to have taken place, just as in a flashback, and the raid on Greivous's lair has to have taken place after Rookies because of his appearance in it anyway so technically hee did "appear" before the "reel" was posted. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:57, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
        • The "newsreel" is OOU and does not necessarily mean that the event already happened, whereas a flashback is IU and would have to mean that the event happened before the flashback. Unless you have a better solution in mind, I can't see the point of continuing discussion over something like this. CC7567 (talk) 23:05, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Some images which show him in battle (for the Powers & abilites section)?--Kreivi Wolter 18:51, September 24, 2009 (UTC)

Mission to Vassek's third moon

  • Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 08:03, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Conclusion of Capture of the Wealthworm, but the article's awkwardly long name is attributed to the pursuit for "factual correctness".

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Good work.--Kreivi Wolter 18:58, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jedi Kasra (talk) 22:40, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. When is Nahdar refered to as a general? Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:06, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Ugh, this debate again. I'll just remove it to stop assuming. CC7567 (talk) 23:54, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Apparently, Path of the Jedi depicts another version of the mission, which involves Skywalker, Tano or Yoda being sent to Vassek to assisst Fisto. While obviously non-canon since it contradicts the episode, you may want to add the game's storyline to the Bts. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:45, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Eh, didn't like that game, but addressed. CC7567 (talk) 21:20, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Couldn't the article's title be changed to something like "Mission to Vassek's third moon", or something?--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:20, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • It could, yes. CC7567 (talk) 17:22, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • I guess I'll bring up the issue on the article's talk page.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:56, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
        • If it honestly matters that much to you, then I'll change it, but changing the article's name is not worth a poll. CC7567 (talk) 22:12, September 16, 2009 (UTC)

Ben Skywalker

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. My favorite character. Great job. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 21:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Not the biggest fan of that profile image, but the prose is excellent and the article itself is of high caliber. The Flash {talk} 00:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Chack Attack:
  2. Why is the Jedi Council meddling with FAN?!?
    • Intro: "Solo had just returned to the New Jedi Order after a five-year journey to learn more about the Force, was able to help Skywalker open himself up to the Force gradually, although Skywalker was still apprehensive about it for a while, and it would take him years to become fully adjusted to the Force." A bit of a run-on; please break it up.
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: Three consecutive paragraphs begin "In XX ABY,"; can you change a couple of them?
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: "Eventually Caedus was killed in the Battle of Shedu Maad,": The actual duel in which he was killed has its own article, so is there a reason you linked to and named the battle instead?
      • Addressed.
    • Intro: In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, you should link to Luke's actual court case, though I'm not sure where to place it.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.1 Pre-birth: "The Skywalkers were on the Coruscant beach": Context on the beach, please. A lot of people would be a bit shocked to find out that Coruscant has a beach somewhere in all of that durasteel; I know I was when I first read about it in Rebirth.
    • 1.3.1 Dark Nest Crisis > A new threat: "As Rar and Gorog sped away from Ossus in a stolen skiff, Ben received a final message from the Killik, who said that she wanted Ben to be happy. When he told Luke of Gorog's message," Until now, you've called her "the Gorog". Now you suddenly switch to simply calling her Gorog, as if that is her actual name like Luke, Ben, Leia, etc. Is there a reason for this?
    • I'll continue with "Second Galactic Civil War" in a day or two. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 03:31, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  3. From the Council Chambers: (part 2)
    • 1.4.2 Second Galactic Civil War > Operation Roundabout: In the second paragraph, it might be a good idea to mention Ben's repeated failures in the simulation and Jacen's resulting doubt as to whether Ben should go on the mission (that is, if I remember the events of Betrayal correctly). This would also help bring that paragraph in line with the surrounding paragraphs as far as size, though that itself is not a major issue.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.2: In the fourth paragraph, you start three out of four consecutive sentences with "However"; can you change a couple?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.6 Civil unrest: "Skywalker was at Solo's apartment at the time and was unharmed.": Is there a reason for having this sentence? It seems unnecessary to me.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.7 The Galactic Alliance Guard: "Shevu eventually entered the interrogation chamber with Girdun as Skywalker looked on and tried to heal Habuur, but to no avail": Unclear as to whether Shevu or Skywalker was the one who tried to heal Habuur.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.7: "It pointed to a nearby apartment building, which Skywalker and the GAG squad forcibly entered. They met resistance, forcing Skywalker to kill the two men inside." "Forcibly" and "forcing" are a bit repetitive since they have the same root word.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.10 Ziost: "Skywalker checked all of the objects on his belt for a tracking device and found it inside his belt pouch. Skywalker checked the skies for the TIE fighter and saw it speeding toward them." Two straight sentences start with the same two words; can you change one?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.12 Loss of a parent: "He went to the GAG compound and took a speeder, following Lumiya and the Sith ship. He followed it into Hapan space," A "speeder" is purely an atmospheric vehicle, so how did he travel through space?
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.13 Change of heart: "He defeated the CSF security detail guarding Omas and afterward had a brief engagement with a security droid but ended up staring down the barrel of Omas' blaster pistol, although Skywalker swiftly disarmed him." A bit of a run-on; please break it into two sentences.
      • Addressed.
    • 1.4.17 Final victory: The quote contains an error: "you're no better suited to be Sith apprentice" should be "you're no better suited to be a Sith apprentice". If this error is also in Invincible (which I don't have to check), then it deserves a [sic], otherwise it needs corrected.
    • I'll complete the review, beginning with "Travels with his father", by the end of the week. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 00:40, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
  4. From the Council Chambers: (round 3)
    • 1.5 Travels with his father: Mention should be made at the beginning of this section or and the end of the previous section of Ben's promotion to Knight.
    • 1.5.1 Travels > The Baran Do: You have exactly one subheading under this heading—"The Hidden Ones". One thing I was taught in high school English class is that a point in an outline should never have only a single sub-point. While it doesn't technically apply directly to subheadings in an article, the MediaWiki software automatically converts the headings into the TOC, which is basically an outline. This is clearly nitpicking a little, but I'd like to see either the single sub-heading removed or see a second sub-heading added immediately below "The Baran Do", whichever you feel would be better.
    • 1.5.1: "Ziil stated that he would tell those on the surface that his earlier message about the Skywalkers' deaths was a mistake, and he promised to free his servants and appoint a board of advisers, and in a couple of years they would reassess the situation.": "And" is repetitive here.
    • 1.5.2 The Aing-Tii: "Tadar'Ro took them to a house created for Jorj Car'das, a former smuggler who had once stayed with the Aing-Tii, where they were to stay while learning with the Aing-Tii.": "Stay" is repetitive here.
    • BTS: I'd like to see the BTS expanded a bit. Though individual appearances are probably too numerous to list in full, you should at least mention the series that he appeared in (NJO, Dark Nest, LOTF and FOTJ) and what kind of role he played in each (i.e. minor/major).
    • Last note, though not a objection: Some newbie added something to the BTS about Timothy Zahn the other day. The source provided gives the information about two-thirds of the way down. It's your call on what you want to do with it. Great job. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 17:43, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
  5. The Flash
    • Refs 30, 31, and 32 are bare URLs - please fix them
    • BTS - needs more refs, just general ones to the books they mention
      • Those are really self-referencing, and don't require ref tags.
    • Also in BTS, is The Lost Lightsaber confirmed to be non-canon? Tales are generally ambig for those set of issues and would better put in the actual history with an ambig tag.
      • Tales 1-20 is generally used as non-canon.
    • I agree with Darth Trayus's comment below - it might be best to put a more time-fitting image of Luke in the "Duel" section.
      • Addressed.
    • This article is in really good shape, actually, and I'd be very happy with it if those points were met - nice work. The Flash {talk} 23:48, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  6. Blacklist:
    • I'm only through the intro, at which point I will be stopping for now, and I've already encountered a profuse amount of under-linking. I've taken care of what I've read thus far, but you will need to comb through the article in its entirety and make sure that everything that needs to be linked is linked, and only once.
      • Addressed, I hope.
    • You also make no mention of his homeworld being Coruscant in the intro despite it being shown in the infobox. Please work this in somewhere.
      • Addressed.
    • The intro's also going to need an Abyss update.
      • Addressed.
    • So is the article, and when you're done with that, a {{spoiler}} tag is going to be necessary.
    • I'm oh-so-positive that more will follow these…—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 00:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
  7. Harrar
    • Your Pre-birth section has some issues, Floyd. You need to re-read Edge of Victory II: Rebirth, specifically pages 195-197 (Ch. 29) and pages 270-273 (Ch. 43), the latter of which deal with Luke's attempt to attack the disease with the dark side and then his series of visions. There's also a bit more info in the Epilogue, pages 290 onwards, which has some relevance in that the Skywalkers are allowed to return to Coruscant. I think all these sections have pertinence (the idea that Cilghal could induce labour but it would probably have killed both of them is interesting (page 195ish)) and that a reasonable chunk of info is missing. If for any reason you can't access the book, I can add the stuff.
      • Added.
        • I'm concerned that what you've added is basically verbatim from the brief summary I gave on IRC of the info that was missing. I'm further concerned by the fact that you added the info into the chronology incorrectly before I alerted you to that fact. This kind of work is very similar to the problems that riddled Mirta Gev, and really does suggest that either you don't have the books to hand and are working off memory and other articles, or that you possess them and are not re-reading them. You've taken out the info on the visions Luke has while he attacks the disease completely, which seems self-defeating as it was in there in the first place. This info isn't that important, I'll admit, but raises questions about the rest of the article. Either re-read the EOV2 pages I have presented you with and do a decent job of incorporating the information, or accept that things aren't quite right here and allow someone else to step in and resolve the issue.
          • If you want to handle the issue yourself like you offered before, fine. I thought the objections were fixed, as I tried to implement the info myself that you gave and I did in fact reread the pages.
            • If this objection holds up the article then I'll strike and sort it out; I don't think that this will pass before December 12th though, which is when I'm back home and I will be able to help out then. I don't mean to be difficult Floyd, it's just things aren't perfect here and without my books I can't be of much help.
    • There's no info about the Nanny droid in the Coruscant section; I'd like to see some weight added to the Byrt section as well, in that C-3PO is hiding with Ben and his crying is alerting Shesh, whereupon he puts Ben in the locker and then mimics him. The section could also do with re-arrangement so it's not weighted so heavily toward Shesh's viewpoint.
      • Addressed.
        • Not really. The only relevant stuff is that C-3PO is whisked onto the Byrt, he flees to the escape pod launch bay, the ship is boarded, Shesh and the Yuuzhan Vong arrive, Ben wails too loudly, C-3PO hides him, goes into the escape pod, and mimics Ben's cries until Shesh falls for the trick. The Calrissian arrives. At the moment, this article could easily have been used as the source; that's not just me flattering myself either. I recommend re-reading the relevant sections of sbs. With regards to the Nanny droid, you haven't mentioned how it is destroyed during the Solos' attempts to flee the planet, and merely removed the link to the later incarnation at the time of the Dark Nest Crisis, which is just plain lazy.
          • Kidnapping timeline fixed, and nanny droid info to come.
            • Okay, kidnapping stuff is good.
    • "After the fall of Coruscant, the infant Skywalker was kept for several days in a Jedi stronghold called Eclipse Station, hidden on the Deep Core planet of the same name." -- this can't be right as Eclipse is destroyed in Star by Star.
      • Er... no it wasn't.
        • I'm going to strike this but will look into it further at a later date.
    • "During the Borleias occupation, Ben accompanied his mother everywhere she went, something that Luke Skywalker saw as irrational." -- this reads as though Ben is walking around with Mara and that Luke views Ben's behaviour as irrational. Please re-word and take care to tend towards the passive when discussing Ben at this age; he's basically an object, after all.
    • Addressed.
    • That's it for now; I'll continue with the Dark Nest stuff later. Well done for writing him! -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 15:45, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Heads-up; re added the Databank link for you, it seems to have gotten (accidentally) removed during the article's transition. Firebird File:Moltresheadsig.PNG heart's eye 12:49, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Is there a reason you use such an outdated image of Luke in the "Duel at the Temple" section? He looks younger than Jacen does in the "Regaining his connection to the Force" section. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:18, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Quick note: Abyss update will commence soon, when I have sufficient time. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 14:35, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Great job updating for Abyss. The "Sinkhole Station" section could use an image, to fit with the two previous sections --- I'd recommend using the image of Vestara. Menkooroo 05:07, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Calo Nord

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:17, July 10, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Might as well nom this, too…

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. LordDeathRay (My Sith Holocron) 01:27, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Pre-nom reviewed.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (Talk) 14:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Great article. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 03:04, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 10:07, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  5. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 20:48, November 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. NaruHina
    • Context on the Mando Wars and the Jedi Civil War
      • I took out the Mandalorian Wars part, so far there is no record of his being active during that time, just the Jedi Civil War. Can't just assume that he was without any proof. Context for the JCW and Revan and Malak is there.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "On his sixteenth birthday, he killed his slave masters, and then tracked down and murdered his mother and father, who had sold him into slavery when he was a boy." Triple "and." (partially my fault, sorry :P)
    • "amnesiac former Sith Lord Revan" This either needs context or needs to be changed to something like "a Galactic Republic soldier." Revan was not Revan at this point, when his mind was changed, he became a different person and, at this point in continuity, his past as a Sith Lord is irrelevant.
      • True, but the context about his former life is relevant, since it establishes why Malak would send both Nord and Bandon after him and Shan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Good point.
    • "he butchered his slave masters" I know this is nitpicky but does the Prima Guide specifically say "butchered."
      • After reading the Databank entry, I see that it confirms this. The statement should be sourced to there if it does not appear in the Prima guide.
        • Yes, it does. I got it from the guide.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "After watching Nord kill three Black Vulkars for disturbing him" I don't remember, were the three specified as Vulkars?
      • If Revan converses immediately after Nord kills the thugs, Revan says "I saw how you mopped up those Vulkars"…--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nord and Kang—who themselves tried to make it to the ship—caught Revan and his companions trying to steal the ship." Double "and"
      • Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
        • There's nothing particularly wrong with using two ands in one sentence like that. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:01, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I know. Grammatically it was fine but it still read a bit off. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 05:56, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Kang perished in the fighting and Revan, Shan, and Onasi boarded the Ebon Hawk, picked up the rest of their companions, and fled Taris." Double "and"
    • "When Nord had sufficiently recovered, he had a private audience with Darth Malak aboard the Leviathan and, along with Admiral Karath, told the Sith Lord that Shan had escaped Taris' destruction with the help of Onasi." "Along with Admiral Karath is awkward here. Is there a source that states Nord informed him of Revan being alive here? Also, I don't think Calo and Karath told Malak this together.
      • Took care of "along with", Karath had all the other soldiers leave the bridge before they told Malak. "Lord Malak, forgive me. There is something else. May we have a private audience away from the ears of the common soldiers? "I trust you are not wasting my time, Admiral Karath." "I promise you will be very interested in what Calo has to tell you about Bastila's other companions, Lord Malak".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Nord then set out to find Revan and his companions. After Taris' destruction, Revan had become a Padawan to be retrained in the Jedi ways at the Jedi Enclave" "Retrained" is odd here because it hasn't been made clear that Revan forgot his training, didn't finish training, or that he was trained by Jedi at all before this. Reword.
      • I believe the context had been established.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Revan asked Nord if they could work out a deal so as to avoid fighting, Nord told him that he was not in it for the credits; rather, he had a reputation to protect." I'm not sure that you can say that he chose a certain conversation option in the body of the article (unless its the only option, of course).
      • The other dialogue options are aggressive, and un-Jedi like, which I thought went against Wookiepedia policy of 100% light-side choices unless otherwise stated by another source. These are the other options: "You traveled a long way just to die, Calo!" and, "You think I got lucky last time? Okay, let's do it again!".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
        • OK.
    • "With that, Nord attacked Revan, but he and his minions were killed by the redeemed Jedi and his companions" Another mention of his time as a Sith Lord, nothing has been mentioned of anything Revan did that would need penance.
      • Context has been established.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 19:42, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "Shortly after Nord's death, Admiral Karath informed Darth Malak of Nord's failure. Malak told Karath that the penalty for failure was death, but that the failure was Nord's." This is slightly confusing. Why would Malak have to tell Karath that the failure was Nord's?
    • In the P&T, when talking about how he knows Basic, I think you could also say that he could comprehend the language(s) of those three aliens who confronted him in the bar.
    • "used a prototype energy shield of Verpine design for extra protection during battle." A link to the specific energy shield would be beneficial if it is stated. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 07:25, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Wasn't Carth a captain, not a commander? NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 20:47, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
      • The Knights of the Old Republic Campaign Guide lists him as having been a commander during the Jedi Civil War, as this is the latest canon, it's what we have to go by.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:31, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Naru, Part Deux
    • "However, Nord was caught under falling debris from the hangar, allowing the group to kill Kang" Wasn't Kang already dead?
      • Yes, he was, thanks for pointing this out. Try it now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:02, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Also, there should probably be a mention of how the events in the hanger differ if Revan brought a sword or a blaster.
      • Huh?
        • The scene plays out a bit differently depending on whether Revan brought a blaster or a sword into the hanger when he fights Nord and Kang. I don't remember if the change had anything specificly to do with how Calo reacted but its something to look into for a Bts note. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:42, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
          • I just played it three times over with all three armed with blasters, then swords, and then fists and got exactly the same dialogue every time. Then out of curiosity, I checked the dialogue file itself (tar08_davik082.dlg) and there are no alternate dialogue paths. I honestly don't know where you got this idea. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 04:50, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
            • Quite odd. I remember playing a difference and then reading it again later but I dunno. It probably wasn't important anyway. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 05:06, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "During his time as a slave, he learned to be ruthless and cold-hearted, so when he turned sixteen years of age, he butchered his slave masters and then murdered his parents." That he tracked down and killed his parents is only in the intro. Also a double "and"
    • "Aboard his flagship Leviathan, Darth Malak came to the conclusion that the search for Shan was taking too long and ordered the Sith Admiral Saul Karath to have the Sith fleet destroy Taris in order to kill the Jedi. After Revan and his companions disabled the hangar bay's security systems in Kang's estate, they attempted to make it to the Ebon Hawk." It sortof jumps here from the order to their escape. Why are they trying to leave the planet? NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:27, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Taken care of. Context provided in second paragraph.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:49, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Escape from what? The Sith? Why would they need the Ebon Hawk specifically? There should be a small mention that it possessed the codes neccisary to bypass the Sith blockade somewhere. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 22:42, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Please take a look at the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 23:10, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Harrar
    • When the Sith began bombarding Taris, Nord and Kang tried to kill Shan, an amnesiac soldier, actually Revan; the Republic commander Carth Onasi, and the Mandalorian Canderous Ordo, when they tried to steal Kang's flagship, the Ebon Hawk. There are many things wrong with the sentence; you can't have two "whens", your semi-colon and comma use are messed up, the Revan information is jarring, the Ebon Hawk is not a flagship, they confront them in the hangar rather than set out to kill them...etc.
      • One of the "whens" is omitted. It now reads "during their attempt to steal"… I'm changing "flagship" to "freighter", but it should be noted that in-game, both Hudrow, Kang's pilot, and Ordo refer to the ship as "Davik's flagship.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The former Dark Lord Revan—who was betrayed by Malak...[text]...Revan watched Nord kill two Rodians so that he could collect the bounties on their heads." - this entire section is written from Revan's point of view, but this is Nord's biography. Please correct this.
    • In fact, the entire Taris section is oriented towards Revan's activities. You need to re-structure this so it relates to Nord.
      • Take a look at it, might need to do more work at it, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:19, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • I find the way you repeat language used in the section quotations very distracting. For example: Sorry, I'm not in this for the credits. You're the only ones who've ever gotten away from me—I've got a rep to protect! Nord told him that he was not in it for the credits; rather, he had a reputation to protect. I'm sure you can paraphrase the information in a better fashion.
      • The whole thing about Nord citing his damaged reputation and all is not really important, so I removed it. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:58, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • While it's great to see key characters from KotOR getting FAed, I feel that the general apathy towards reviewing these nominations should be considered by nominators. I know that it's my role to read through these articles, but they tend to repeat the same information, in the same style, from vaguely different perspectives. Game mechanics are always very obvious, and when dialogue is simply converted into indirect speech with no regard for the dullness of the repetition, it becomes a little tiresome. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:04, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • I understand your concerns, but I don't feel there is anything I, or anyone, can do about that. As you know, there is simply not enough info beyond the game on characters such as Nord or Bandon. They were created by BioWare merely as boss characters, Hopefully, the comic series will feature these, and other, characters in the future. In the future, I'll try to be careful about converting dialogue into indirect speech. Thank you for the review.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:58, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
        • Thanks, Kasra, for addressing these points so quickly and effectively. My apologies for the nature of my comments. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 10:07, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Having finally gotten those images for it, I only have one issue. In the Bts, "...Nord explains to Revan how he managed to reach the underwater station." Can you add a sentence or two to explain to us how he reached Hrakert? The rest of it is great. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 18:01, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Attack of the Clone
    • Is the fact that he was "hired" really an affiliation to those three groups in the infobox? Bribing with credits ≠ belief in a cause.
      • No, removed. Something I wanted to ask you about. Cad Bane's infobox says that his allegiance laid in the highest bidder. The Databank's entry on Nord says a similar thing, as you'll find in the P&T section. Could I add this to Nord's infobox?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
        • If a source explicitly states so, then no, I do not see why you should contradict an official source. However, the fact remains that you still haven't properly fixed his allegiances; by removing the "hired," it's even less factually correct than it was before. CC7567 (talk) 16:21, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
          • Here's what the Databank says: "Calo knew no allegiance other than to hard credits or the thrill of the hunt." He was hired by these groups, so shouldn't he be technically be affiliated with them? Whether he actually believed in each group's cause is irrelevant, isn't it?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:43, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
            • No, it is relevant. If he "knew no allegiance other than to hard credits or the thrill of the hunt", prose aside, you're basically ignoring an official source by saying otherwise. If he's working for a group and getting paid, the only thing that can be assumed is that he's working because he's getting paid. You're welcome to add the three groups in as affiliations if you can find a source that explicitly states that he was affiliated to them aside from credits. I'm going to cite this discussion to help you understand this problem better. CC7567 (talk) 18:32, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please watch your "unknowns". I've removed them, but these have close to no place in IU articles, as you should know by now.
      • Forgot that these were in here, sorry.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
    • Are you absolutely certain that all of the details in the third paragraph of Battle of Taris are directly relevant to Nord? I'm under the impression that they can be shortened.
      • I am not so sure. It gives context on wehy Revan infiltrated Kang's estate, how, and with who.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
        • It's the little details that keep on adding up. Is the Tarisian Season Opener really necessary? Is the fact that Ordo approached Revan absolutely necessary when you can simply say that Revan teamed up with him and stole the Sith codes? Also, the "After Ordo" sentences that start in the exact same manner are getting rather tiresome; please fix this somehow. CC7567 (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
    • Same issue in the first paragraph of the "Death" section. You first say that Nord was granted a "private audience" with Malak, but don't introduce him until several sentences later, which can be fixed by rewriting it more around Nord.
      • Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
        • Please read what I've edited it to so that you get an idea of what I'm expecting. However, you also need to clarify how Nord can be granted a "private audience" with Malak when Karath is still present. CC7567 (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
          • Got it. Looked at the dialogue files, he and Karath had a private audience with Malak after Karath introduced Malak to Nord. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:43, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The leaders of the secret bounty hunter guild known as the GenoHaradan considered admitting Nord in their organization, although he had not yet proven himself worthy of joining. However, due to his end at Revan's hands, the secret society's overseers decided to instead approach Revan with an invitation to join the GenoHaradan." I don't see why this is relevant to the P&T and yet not to the Bio, where it should belong.
      • Created a "Legacy" section and put this, along with the bit about Karath telling Malak about Nord's death, under that section.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Bandon tracked down and confronted Revan after the former Sith Lord found the fourth of the five Star Maps, Bandon mentioned Nord to Revan, saying that while he might have been able to defeat Nord, Revan would be no match for the Shadow Hand." Same issue as above, though this has much less relevancy and needs to be checked and rewritten to match where it best fits.
    • I would definitely say that the last paragraph of the P&T warrants the need for an Equipment section, per the Layout Guide. Please take action as you see fit.
      • I was completely unaware that there was a "Equipment" section, don't see it that often. Added.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
    • "After Revan slew Nord, he had the opportunity to acquire the bounty hunter's datapad, armor, and blasters." Again, please clarify how and why this is relevant to the P&T.
    • Shouldn't the datapad be mentioned in the Bio?
      • No, I don't think so. It has no real relevance to the game other than it being some item Revan could have found.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
    • First of all, please check your tense in the Bts; scenarios should almost always be in present. Second, please clarify "because he was supposed to be too weak to defeat the bounty hunter at that time".
      • Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
        • It still needs to be clarified why Revan is "supposed to be too weak." CC7567 (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'd recommend that you try to watch your linking. The object of linking is not to link every single relevant word to a different article (i.e. [[Jedi]] [[Jedi Knight|Knight]] turned [[Sith]] [[Sith Lord|Lord]]) but to link relevant articles without making it look unattractive. Please also watch your verb tense. CC7567 (talk)
      • Alright. Thank you very much for the review, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:24, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Karath told Malak that while Nord had been hired for a hefty fee, Nord's services were worth the price." Hired for what? Is this ever clarified in the game? If this much is known, then the article needs to reflect this. CC7567 (talk) 03:57, November 29, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • This is not a formal objection because I don't really believe in image objections except in the most extreme circumstances, but do you think it could use more screenshots from KOTOR? Actual live-action shots from the game feel underrepresented somehow. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 18:29, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
  • You make a good point, but seeing as I don't know how to upload images from the game, I'm kinda in a bind. Maybe one of the other users could help? Plus, the live-action pics would have to not include Revan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:13, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Full credit goes to Nayayen for uploading this image for the article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:16, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
  • OK, in lieu of this, full credit goes to Nayayen for this image.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:34, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Hey, Naru, I'm waiting for the results of this before I do more worl with the nom. I'll get the objections taken care of as soon as I can, though.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:05, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Alright. Good luck with it. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 03:18, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
  • I found this link on Nord's talk page. It states that this dude named Max Raphael voiced Nord. I was wondering if it's legit.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 18:27, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • I did some digging around and the only vague source is from IMDB saying that Max Raphael did "Additional voices". He is the narrator for the History channel's "Modern Marvels" and they certainly sound the same but I can't find anything saying explicitly that he did voice Nord. Apparently he is actually known as Lloyd Sherr, but that yields nothing more. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:40, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Oh, well. Thanks, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:20, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nayayen gets credit for this image. Thanks, man.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:49, October 25, 2009 (UTC)

Motion to strike objections from NaruHina (Inquisitorius vote only)

  1. Inqvote Naru's already given his support to the article, and he's unavailable to strike that last objection of his (which has been addressed) on his own.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 14:25, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 14:35, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 18:50, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Someone should really inform me when these types of votes go up. Toprawa and Ralltiir 02:15, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Zam Wesell

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. This is the kind of article I like to see featured. Skippy Farlstendoiro 20:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 04:22, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Even a shapeshifter could not keep up with the galaxy's pace of change… -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:05, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:30, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Okey, Farlstendoiro, change back to your real face
    • Intro: As she has not used so many different names, I strongly suggest to add the known ones in the intro: Zam Wesell, sometimes known as Marby Welcus
      • I would have, except that she only used that name on one occasion in canon. This is no different than the individual times she impersonated Holowan or Fernooda. The one occasion is a quick detail that is not needed in the intro. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Intro: It was then revealed that a seedy underworld general... It was revealed, or Wesell discovered?
      • Revealed to Wesell—although, implied that such was an accident. She did not actively seek to discover it. Clarified in the text. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Intro: capitol-world of Coruscant. I think you mean capital, not capitol but I'm not sure (Used twice)
    • Bio/Early life: The first paragraph has three successive refnotes for [10]. Only the last one is needed; you don't need to source three successive sentences if all of them have the same exact source. This explains my point better than I do.
      • Maybe I'm incorrect, but I was taught on this site that partial sentences (such as the first and last of the three) should be cited separately. If I'm wrong, I'll gladly change it; I just thought it was supposed to be that way. Removed anyway. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Bio/Early life: Third level mastery of the Mabari martial arts. Is that very high? Is it the highest level, the lowest level...?
    • Bio/Encounter on Oovo IV: At the same time, Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett was also in pursuit of Fust. Why? Was he pursuing the same reward? If so, it should be added.
    • Bio/Mission to Malastare: Fett retorted, "You're lucky I don't kill you. I'm allowing you to tag along because you might be useful.". Not a real objection, but a suggestion: Maybe you could avoid directly quoting characters in the text? Again, later: "I've got a bounty to hunt." "Take care of yourself, Jango… until next time." "It was just a job."
    • Bio/Mission to Malastare: Context for Montross in his first mention, not two sentences later.
    • Bio/Intrigue on Tatooine: She then provided information about the Hutts which had originally been provided by Watto Confusing: Watto provided that information to whom?
    • Bio/Conspiracy exposed and defeated: Fett was knocked off the walkway by a Wookiee. Suggestion: Consider adding some context specifying that it was not some Wookiee bystander but one of Khorda's minions. Suggestion: Add instead some words in the previous paragraph to specify that Khorda was not alone at the power relay.
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: You have previously talked about, and linked, Tyranus; now you mention and link Dooku. Maybe you should do something, perhaps contextualize. Maybe simply "Dooku, a previous employer of Fett".
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: The explosive device, however, also had a flaw. A technical hitch in the triggering mechanism also allowed the Senator to escape. I don't understand the sentence: The Senator escaped because she was not there. Maybe you mean that the hitch would have allowed her to escape even if she was in the bomb's range?
      • Unfortunately, that is the problem with two slightly conflicting sources. The fact files do not expand other than what I've put and any closer to the original text would be plagiarism. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Bio/First assassination attempt: The droid R2-D2, which was scanning Which or who?
    • Powers/Shape-shifting: For Clawdites, however, this process was extremely painful and it took great skill to achieve.[11] Wesell, however, developed skills in her shape-shifting and became highly skilled at self-alteration. You used word "however" twice in successive sentences. Consider a synonym.
    • Powers/tactical skills: Yet, her most important skill was her shape-shifting ability Who says it was more important than other skills? NPOV?
      • That is cited directly to the Fact File. Off hand, I believe the exact wording is something like "most vital." — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • Oh, evil Fact Files.
    • Equipment: Her obtaining the Koro-2 in a mining colony contrlled by the Mining Guild and a custom-made droid made by the Malkite Poisoners could be added to her biography.
      • Mentions made, although talking about the speeder does break up the flow substantially. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • Again a little fix and hope you don't mind.
    • Bts/Character development: Early drafts of the Episode Two scripts referred to Wesell as a "C.A.T.," a Corporate Alliance Trooper I strongly believe Corporate Alliance should be a link.
      • Done, but that does fall under {{sofixit}}. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 13:34, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
        • I thought about {{sofixing}} it myself, but decided against: It was too much assuming that you wouldn't mind such a change.
    • Bts: Theomet Danlé's background was created by "winstonvalleyjedi" through What's the Story?, heavily using Wessel. Maybe when you mention Danlé in BtS, you could add this detail.
    • I've made some slight changes, removing repeated links and adding spaces and so under {{sofixit}}. Hope you don't mind. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:31, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Fett
    • Hey Fiolli, I'll begin with the first few sections of Zam's Early life.
    • "She was a member of the Clawdite species, who had become changelings due to genetic engineering gone awry centuries prior to her birth." For the "who had become changelings", specify who the "who" was.
    • "Eventually, however, she was exposed." What was she exposed too?
    • Mission to Malastare-"At that moment, Wesell realized that Fett was working another, larger job and demanded that she be involved." Missing a word "and demanded that she be involved.". Also, while I did played Bounty Hunter, they conferred inside Fett's new ship. I'm not sure were they are in the article, quite confusing.
      • I honestly don't see anything missing. Plus, the first two sentences of that paragraph establish that they are in the ship. I changed a the to his, but it does establish the setting.
        • I see.
    • I feel like I'm playing Bounty Hunter again while reading "Mission to Malastare". :) Perhaps lessen the pbp.
    • Mission to Malastare-"By nightfall, Fett still had not climbed the cliff." Merging this sentence with the previous will make it flow better.
    • MtM-"Connecting statements by Montross about Komari Vosa to his pursuits of Sebolto, she surmised that he was after the former-Jedi–turned–cult-leader of the Bando Gora via private invitation." For the "former-Jedi–turned–cult-leader", Vosa left the order and became Dooku's Dark Jedi apprentice. Perhaps simplify/shorten that meaning.
    • End of the Hunt-"The Mandalorian proceeded to the moon of and was immediately attacked by Bando Gora slaves." Missing a word after "moon of"
    • I'm seeing linking within the captions of the images. While you linked the subjects in her bio, do you think it's relevant that you also linked them in the captions?
      • I thought it was, but I plan to deal specifically with the images once the article is more worked through by the Inq. Things can always change dramatically. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 15:39, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I'll continue with "Infant of Shaa incident (27 BBY)". Interesting read so far Fiolli. I'm surprised to see other Wookieepedians, other than myself, are interested in Zam/Jango :P JangFett Talk 18:39, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Somehow Scum and Villainy (sourcebook) was forgotten. Will add within a couple days. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:51, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
  4. Attack of the Clone
    • "It was during this time that Wesell met another Clawdite": can this "other Clawdite" get an article? I don't see why he doesn't have one.
    • "End of the hunt" is starting to get extremely pbp. Try to see if you can smooth the flow.
    • Please watch your linking...it's been seriously lacking in the small portion I've read. I would highly recommend that you check the rest of the article before I pick up my review. I'll continue with "Crossed contracts" soon. CC7567 (talk) 05:15, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
    • "The contract had been placed by a rival named Antonin": I'm assuming you mean that he was a rival of Dreddon's, but please clarify.
      • Reworded.
    • In "Stealing the artifact" (and basically thoughout the whole article), please check your "dispatching with"; I'm unsure of what you mean. I don't believe it's an English idiom.
      • "Dispatching with" is a more formal way of expressing that she took care of them, or bested them in some kind of either battle or fight.
    • "to that point": ...to what point? Please clarify.
      • Tweaked.
    • As amusing the word "thug" is, can you try to vary it a bit?
      • Varied.
    • "The bounty hunter appeared as a thin, timid man who acted as a disoriented and confused simpleton." So she was acting as a man, who was acting as a simpleton? If that's factually correct, then I guess it's fine, but if not, I think this can be worded better.
      • That is factually correct. That's why I used "appeared" first and "acted" second to have some variance.
    • A note before I get into "Plot to assassinate Senator Amidala": for consistency, I would recommend only using quotes in the sub-sub-headers (i.e. "First assassination attempt" and "Second assassination attempt and death") instead of under the main "Plot" as well. It's the only time you do that in the article, and it looks like you're just trying to use as many quotes as you can. CC7567 (talk) 07:05, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
    • Please check this image caption: "Wesell while being confronted by Jango Fett her first attempt to kill Senator Amidala failed."
    • "However, Wesell possessed an ability to mimic a Dug, which required some bodily reconfiguration and create extra skin to hide explosives when infiltrating Kuat." Can you do rephrasing for "create"? I can't tell what it's supposed to be linked to.
    • "Furthermore, most Clawdites only possessed the ability to alter skin tone; or, at most, other humanoid species." Please check the last part; from the context, it doesn't sound like you're trying to say "alter other humanoid species."
    • "While it was extremely rare": I'm assuming you mean rare for Clawdites, but please clarify.
    • Are you absolutely sure that she used her blaster pistol during the Clone Wars when they hadn't even begun on Geonosis?
    • "The explosives were available to use": I can't understand how, and your wording implies that they were available for anyone to use.
    • "Jango Fett freed Wesell from the beast and instructed her to drop the cylindrical devices. They exploded, killing the creature." Please explain how this is relevant to the "Equipment" section. It's reading right out of the "History," and as the Equipment really shouldn't include anything beyond a brief history, this is rather excessive. If you need to keep it in, please shorten it. (In this case, Fett doesn't appear to be relevant either.)
    • "The wreckage of the droid was later recovered and included a status log of Wesell's bounties." Please check the time implications this sentence gives; it doesn't sound like it suddenly included a status log when it was found.
      • Reworded.
    • Please rephrase "successfully asked." All that means is that she asked something, and that doesn't mean that she got what she was asking for.
    • Please vary one of your uses of "learned of her death" in Boba's section.
    • A very interesting read, Fiolli. CC7567 (talk) 03:20, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Harrar
    • "Wesell made Holowan give an attempt to deactivate the device, but failed, shocking the woman." — can this be re-phrased? I'm uncertain as to what's going on.
    • Learning that his next target was on Balmorra, the bounty hunters departed." Grodo links to a character from The Hutt Gambit. Is this the case?! I'm surprised but very impressed if it is.
    • You don't mention Wesell's final words, when she curses Fett in Huttese (to my knowledge). Is there any reason for this?
      • Yes, I felt there were more important quotes to include, and room was lacking to force this one in. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:14, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
        • Are you sure about this exclusion? It seems like we're whitewashing this moment, which is essentially Wesell using her last breaths to curse Jango for the betrayal of their relationship. I'd say it's significant, even if it doesn't mesh well with some of the other material. And also, people who've watched the film might wish to know what she says as she dies. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 11:36, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
          • I added more detail of the material to the prose, but I see no place to add the exact quote. Plus, I have nothing that provides an exact translation to what she said. The word "murishani" is fanon. The sources I have give different words. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:07, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
  6. *Any way the Danlé bomb and the landing pad bomb can have both been used by Wesell?
      • It is possible, but no source reconciles the two methods. I decided to refrain from speculating how it could have been done. That is why the comments about it are in the Bts. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 22:14, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
    • Sure thing.
    • I did a copyedit and re-worded some stuff, removing quotations from within the prose and turning them into indirect speech as best I could. I also changed some "dispatched with"s by removing "with", which I believe is an unnecessary preposition. It was a thoroughly enjoyable read though; I read it all in one sitting! Well done on an important movie character; furthermore, excellently and painstakingly researched. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 19:08, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I am aware that one—and possibly two—images are in violation of WP:I at the moment because of blanked speech bubbles. I am working on having this rectified as quickly as possible. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:34, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
    • Is there a reason almost every image is on the right side? Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 00:26, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
      • Yes, for uniformity and aesthetic appearance since I placed the noncaptioned images under the relationship heading in a similar manner as key characters in OOU articles. There is no set rule that all have to be in alternating sides, so encyclopedic uniformity was preferred to having images dancing around the page from side to side which, in the case of this article, looked quite poor. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 17:20, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
        • You can still alternate the images and then have the two noncaptioned ones on the one side. Personally, I think having them all on the one side doesn't look great aesthetically, and might distract readers' attentions because it's not what they're used to seeing. Either way, I think it looks odd. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 12:29, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
          • Yes it does. It just doesn't suit that they are all in the same side.--Kreivi Wolter 12:11, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
    • Many thanks to Redemption for taking care of the two images in question. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:08, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  • I added an update tag for you. There's some interesting info consering her romance with another Clawdite and her daughter in the Scum and Villainy (sourcebook), pages 113-114. MauserComlink 15:45, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kiros

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:25, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: None

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:21, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 05:28, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
  3. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:56, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • "The Republic forces—led by High Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jedi General Anakin Skywalker—fought through the capital, only to discover that the whole planet's population had mysteriously disappeared." I don't think you need "mysteriously" here, since you already say what happened.
      • Addressed
    • " With Kiros liberated, the Jedi set off to gain more intelligence from Zygerrian slavers who often passed through the remains of the Shi'kar homeworld." Is the fact that the Zygerrian slavers hung out around the Shi'kar homeworld really notable enough for the intro? It seems rather random.
      • Addressed
    • "Nineteen planet rotations later," Why do you word it like this instead of "Nineteen days"?
      • Because that's what the comic says.
    • Are CC-7567 and CC-2224's nicknames really necessary?
      • CC-2224's, maybe not. But 7567 plays a larger role in the battle, and as such, he is mentioned more. I just don't feel like it to address him by his designation every time.
    • "Kenobi, however, squashed the projector with the Force" Squashed is rather colloquial.
      • Changed to "crushed".
    • "Ugg fell a long road from his headquarters" A long road?
      • Addressed
    • Good job. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:02, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Fang Zar

  • Nominated by: Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:19, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:I felt the need to take a short break from TCW. Won't last long.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 22:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:27, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Graestan the Merciless:
    • File:ROTSFalcon.jpg needs to be properly sourced.
      • I'm willing to do this, however I'm not exactly sure how to source for the back of a toy. Any help would be appreciated.
      • I just added a link to Rebelscum.com and listed the series and year. Realistically, that's the best you're going to get. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:23, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • File:Sithdelscener1pic2.jpg needs to be recaptured and re-uploaded; one can barely make out Zar even in the full image, let alone the thumbnail.
      • Eh, I wasn't a big fan of the image anyway. It's been replaced.
    • Source list needs to be ordered chronologically.
      • Isn't it?
        • This objection is not fixed. Graestan(Talk) 02:24, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
          • No need to be rude, thank you. We can be more mature than that. And it is indeed chronological in order of release. If you see the issue that I'm not, {{sofixit}}. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:19, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
            • It's only the appropriate response to your ridiculous message on my talk page. Did you read the message at the top? I figured you might need to have the objection which is not fixed pointed out to you. Ordering a source list is not difficult, but I am not going to be the one who roots around and does it; one mistake is enough for me to know it needs to be done. Try actually working on your own article instead of ordering the Inq to work on your article and perhaps this process will be a bit faster. You should note that my objection is not the only thing keeping this article from passing. Graestan(Talk) 13:58, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
              • I wasn't ordering you to do anything. I, like several others, left a message on your talk page despite your request at the top because your objections sat idle for an extended period of time, and we were all under the impression that those objections had been addressed. It's common courtesy to inform us that they were not if you believe they were not. And if I weren't willing to work on my own article, I wouldn't have nominated it Graestan. Nor would I hope that the reviewers keep an eye on their objections. If I didn't want to work on it, I would let it sit idle for months instead of trying to get it approved. And I already "rooted around" and did the work. It is chronological in order of release. In addition, I never said it was the only thing keeping this article from passing. I know the requirements for an FA. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:39, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • Appearance list needs to be ordered IU chronologically.
      • Done.
    • Succession box needs to be moved per Wookieepedia:Layout Guide.
      • Done.
    • Before I touch the writing, I'd like to see someone go through this and add pronouns and other substitutes for "Zar" so this looks a bit less like a book report.
      • I will work on this a bit, but most of the "Zar's" arise from the fact that he is very often dealing with other male individuals, like Palpatine, Bel Iblis, Vader, and Organa, resulting in confusing "he"s or "him"s or "his"es. But, like I said, I will work on this as much as possible.
    • Graestan(Talk) 14:20, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • "Zar and Amidala were weary of these "actions,"": I believe you mean "wary", but please check this.
      • I always do that.
    • Please check your capitalization of "petition". It may be right, but I'd prefer that you check it all the same.
      • From what I've seen, it should be right now. I think.
    • "but was quickly cut off by the Chancellor and excused from his offices": please check your plural for "offices"; if I'm understanding the context correctly, I believe it should be "office", as in "Palpatine's office". As I'm not fully sure, please check this as well.
      • Simple typo, however it's technically correct either way, as a series of rooms comprising one large office can be reffered to as "offices."
    • "on the membership and activities of the Delegation": please check this; it's not flowing very well.
      • How is this not flowing well? I'm not seeing the problem, so please suggest an alternative.
        • It's the "membership of the Delegation", mostly. Do you mean his membership to the Delegation, or the members of the Delegation? CC7567 (talk) 20:41, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
          • I meant that they were interrogating him on the other members of the delegation. I've changed "memebership" to "members"—does that help, or are you looking for something else?
            • No, that's fine. CC7567 (talk) 22:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Can you specify what exactly this conflict on Sern Prime is if it's known?
      • It's not.
    • "that may have been homespun": please, try to word it so that it doesn't sound speculative, even if it's coming from an official source.
      • Removed. It's official that they appear homespun, but that's all, so there's really no non-speculative way to word it.
    • Your writing has come a long way, Trayus, and the only prominent errors I'm really noticing are just ones with awkward wording. If you get the chance, Toprawa has offered to help you with this in regards to EV-A4-D, and I believe that it would really benefit you. CC7567 (talk)
      • If these wording issues are part of your objection for this article, please leave them to be addressed here, instead of waiting for Toprawa to bring them up in a meeting regarding entirely different article.Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 19:27, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
        • The wording wasn't part of the objection; sorry if I left that for misinterpretation. CC7567 (talk) 20:41, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Skippy; took me a while to find anything to object.
    • Three other Databank entries (Padmé Amidala, Mon Mothma and Bail Organa) mention Fang Zar. I've added them to the sources under Template:Sofixit. Please, check them and consider adding new information, if any, and/or new footnotes. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:36, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Just as a note for the Inqs, Graestan's objections, which were addressed a day after their posting, have sat unstricken for a month now. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:20, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Lensi

  • Nominated by: -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:01, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A far less complicated nom than Alema; Lensi was a Rogue Squadron pilot and one of the few Rogue Leaders who it's possible to FA without multitudinous resources. The bio's actually made more interesting by what may have been a CSWE error.

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:47, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 18:09, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote I've been meaning to do this for a while. Sorry I kept forgetting. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:56, November 20, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. A shot of marinara:
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • By "second mission" in the intro, I'm assuming that you mean the Third Battle of Duro; however, please clarify. (As in here on the FAN page, but if you feel the need to reword the intro, please do so; it wasn't immediately clear to me when I read it.)
      • It does refer to the Third Battle of Duro, but I can see how it might be misleading. Tell you what, if another reviewer has the same issue, I'll re-word it.
        • That sounds fine. CC7567 (talk) 18:09, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • Can you clarify what "One Flight" is, as well as "Three Flight"? If I'm understanding the context correctly, they appear to warrant articles.
    • "The experience of fighting under false pretenses stayed with Lensi, and was relieved in 29 ABY following the Third Battle of Duro." Please check your word choice of "relieved"; I've read it over and over, but the sentence flow isn't smooth here and I can't tell what "relieved" refers to.
      • It's a typo! Meant to be "relived". Sorry bout that.
    • Please change around one of the "although"s in the P&T.
      • Done.
    • For the first time, I'm actually kind of familiar with a Legacy article's storyline, as I've recently read through the NEC. The article's detail makes it even more of an interesting read. CC7567 (talk) 06:59, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Pictures are sadly stuff that relate to Lensi…succession boxes (which suck), list him as Rogue Leader in 40 ABY, which to the best of my knowledge is when Fury is placed in the timeline. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 12:01, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I will be on vacation for two weeks as of the 29th August; I am happy to respond to a plethora of objections on my return. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 23:56, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Quoreal

  • Nominated by: -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:00, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The Xim the Despot of the Yuuzhan Vong—never seen, only referenced. His story is brought together from snippets of information across several books and sources, so it should be a concise and non-narrative read. Reflecting the disparate nature of the info, I've referenced the article to page numbers, or chapters when describing big events. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:00, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:47, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 18:48, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Menkooroo 23:20, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Now that this is finished, too. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:31, November 27, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Marinara:
  2. Menkooroo 04:57, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • From the behind the scenes section: "In The New Jedi Order Sourcebook, published in 2002 when The New Jedi Order series was still four years away from its finale in 2005"... The last part of that sentence needs all kinds of changing. Menkooroo 04:57, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Attack of the Clone
    • Are you entirely sure that every part of the intro currently in there is necessary? About a fourth of it is basically his legacy, and I can't see exactly why it needs that much detail. Please shorten it if possible.
      • I took out the last sentence and trimmed some fat, but I was largely making use of the precendent of Xendor for this FA, which is similarly structured due to the fact that more is known of the results of the character's actions than the actions themselves.
    • Please try to clarify earlier in the Bts what the "penultimate installment" of the NJO series actually is.
      • Done.
    • As with the intro, I'm going to ask you to check if all the detail in his legacy is necessary. Ultimately, I'm going to be relying on your judgment in the end, but please make sure that you feel that the current level of detail is appropriate. CC7567 (talk) 05:20, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • I've removed several lines of what could be seen as extraneous, but indeed much of the character's life becomes relevant in the last two novels and in the story of the Yuuzhan Vong redemption, which is one of the over-arching storylines of The New Jedi Order. I'm a bit of a sucker for Legacy sections, but I don't feel I've overwrought this one. Most of the sentences pertain to mentions of Quoreal in the two novels. Thanks for the review -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 17:23, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Hopefully a better image of Zonama Sekot is included in the Atlas? If not I'll include the one on this article. Finally, this sentence on CUSWE "Others began to wonder if Quoreal had wanted to find a peace with the New Republic and learn more about Zonama Sekot, since the planet seemed to provide a linkage between the Yuuzhan Vong and the peoples of the Republic." no doubt has some grounding, but I can't find the reference following a mind-numbingly dull search of The Unifying Force. I'll keep looking, but for the time being I'd like to nominate him. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 18:00, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
    • As with Lensi; I'm away for two weeks from the 29th August and it is unlikely that I will be able to deal with objections pertaining to Quoreal. If things move fast and only a little thing is holding it up, however, one of the Inqs is free to make any changes they like to get the article off the queue. If there need to be sweeping changes though, I'll deal with them on my return. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 00:00, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Kadavo

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:41, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Yet another TCW comic battle...

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. JangFett Talk 22:14, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 07:03, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Fett
    • Intro-"Following some links that led them to Zygerria, Skywalker, Kenobi, Tano and Captain CC-7567 infiltrated the auction and tried to rescue the Togrutas, but were eventually captured by the Zygerrians and enslaved." Quite confusing, who is "them"? This sentence sounds like "them" went to "Zygerria, Skywalker, Kenobi, Tano and Captain CC-7567." Clarify.
      • Reworded.
    • Good work, QuiGon :) JangFett Talk 15:06, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks. Stay tuned for more comic battles :P QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:55, September 16, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Attack of the Clone
    • Basically, there's two intro paragraphs dedicated to the prelude itself rather than the battle, and only an extremely scanty third paragraph on the battle itself. No matter how complex the Slaves of the Republic story is, there should not be this huge a lack of balance. Please do some reworking.
      • That was tough to do, but I did some rewording. As you noted, the story is quite complex and a lot of stuff needs context; I tried to shorten the amount of detail, but did not succeed much. Therefore, there is still two prelude paragraphs, though I believe that they are better balanced with the battle now.
        • To make sure that you're confident of this, please ask yourself whether you believe that every single detail in there is necessary for the reader to gain the most basic understanding of the article's subject, which is what intros are for. CC7567 (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
          • I did ask myself that question, and I believe that it is necessary for the reader to know the intentions of the two combatants, i.e. that Skywalker wanted to rescue the slaves and Kenobi, and that Dooku wanted to kill the Togrutas. However, further context is needed as to how Kenobi ended up on Kadavo and why Dooku wanted the Togrutas dead, or the article won't make much sense. Squeezing all this information into two paragraphs is quite hard; squeezing it further seems unrealistic to me. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:10, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • As you're fixing the above objection, please keep this in mind: the Battle of Kiros currently does not seem to be worded appropriately in the intro. The intro's chronology is making it read like a summary of the history of the Togrutas instead of being focused on the Battle of Kadavo. Try taking it out where it currently is and mentioning it later as "The Jedi followed the slaves' trail to Kadavo after liberating Kiros" or something, but it's not working in its current state.
      • Hopefully addressed in the intro rewrite. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:25, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
        • That goes for "Meanwhile, the Confederate leader Count Dooku tried to worsen the reputation of the Jedi Order by spreading word that the Jedi had destroyed the planet's population." as well. Also, this isn't linked well to Dooku's fear that he would be unmasked as a liar. CC7567 (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • There's a rather noticeable jump from Skywalker and Tano's escape from Zygerria in the Prelude to the sudden arrival of Republic forces at Kadavo in the Battle section. This needs to be smoothed out.
      • Done.
    • Please somehow include the Keeper's summons of Kenobi and Rex before Skywalker and Tano arrived. It doesn't necessarily have to go in the Prelude, but can be worded when it becomes relevant in the Battle section. The story isn't clear otherwise.
      • Done.
        • I apologize; I think I might have been unclear here. When I stated the earlier objection, I believed that this context would be less than a sentence long, but at its current length, it really belongs in the prelude. CC7567 (talk) 03:41, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please vary all the sentences that start with "as".
      • Varied.
    • Shadow Squadron is in the infobox and yet nowhere in the body. Please also get in Ventress's "entrance" into the battle.
      • Added.
    • No matter how well-placed a blaster shot is, and regardless of which IU characters say that it is, no blaster shot can be "lucky" if we're trying to get rid of POV-oriented writing.
      • Removed.
    • What "Republic reinforcements that had recently arrived"? The perspective of this article is starting to resemble that of a person reading the comic instead of an omniscient perspective, which is what history should be written from. Yes, historians are often limited, but in this case, we know the story and should be able to word it to the best of our abilities. Please try to check for and fix this throughout the article.
      • Hopefully this particular issue is fixed. I've read through the article again, but could not find similar problems. Please advise if there are any.
    • So even after the Trident has clamped onto the transport, Ventress is still continuing her "attack run"? Also, there's another plot hole with the jump from here to the suddenly-cornered Jedi. Please fix these. CC7567 (talk) 06:09, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • What, specifically, were the Keeper's "plans"?
      • Addressed.
    • Are you certain that Dooku executed Scintel only for her "attraction" to Skywalker? I'm going to leave it up to you to decide how much detail to put in, but this bit is misleading; there was another, more important motive behind it. Please check the comic. CC7567 (talk) 03:41, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • A note on your readdition of the "world" link in the intro: you've already linked "planet" for Kadavo at the beginning of the intro, which is why I removed it the first time and why I've now reverted it back. CC7567 (talk) 19:05, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Skirmish at Vanqor

  • Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 06:55, 22 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Well, I have to get the rest of the battles done sometime. Slightly over 1000 words.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 11:42, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Looks clean to me -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 14:54, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Not to be confused with Vanquo. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 08:47, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Nayayen
    • Could the opening sentence be reworded so that the actual title is bolded? Something like "This skirmish took place at Vanqor over and on the surface of the planet around 22 BBY..." or some such.
      • It could, but it still remains a conjecture title, and "skirmish" isn't mentioned anywhere throughout TCW-related material, which is why I chose not to do this.
        • Skirmish on Rodia has skirmish as the bolded first mention of the title for a quick example. My interpretation is that the bold part should be the title of the article, be it conjectural or not. The article isn't about a Skirmish in general, it's about a specific Skirmish at Vanquo. I hope I'm making sense with this. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:19, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
          • Either way is still acceptable, and I've already provided my reasoning on why I've chosen this formatting. Yes, it could be changed to your way, but I still prefer the current way and fail to see why I can't follow an already established precedent. Also, please leave GAs out of this. If you wanted to object to something, you should have done so during the nomination process, not bring it up on FANs to get me to change an issue of this level of importance. CC7567 (talk) 04:44, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • The quotes should all use the appropriate templates. Without counting, I think all bar one should use Dialogue.
      • You're going to have to provide much more reasoning than superficiality for me to change this. In this case, the reader is capable of distinguishing the speakers without fancy templates that make it look like a script.
        • Point taken, I simply thought from convention on QotD that those templates had to be used as such.
    • In "Prelude", why did they want to capture Dooku?
      • Addressed.
    • I think a note should be made in the Bts to say that this is not the same incident as when Kenobi and Skywalker "fell into that nest of Gundarks" (in AotC).
      • I see no reason why this is needed, and that didn't even take place during Episode II; it took place before it. If the two events can be distinguished by simple movie chronology and canon, it's irrelevant. CC7567 (talk) 16:42, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
        • Sorry, I meant that the reference to it was in AotC. But yes, you are right. I remember getting confused like this when discussing a merge of "nest of gundarks" or something. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:56, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
    • NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:59, September 22, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • The gundark as a civilian casualty drew a chuckle, but I guess it's accurate. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 14:55, September 13, 2009 (UTC)

Saul Karath

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Perhaps I should have called the successive noms of Bandon, Malak, Nord, and now Karath, "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". Guess now is better than never, hence here is Part 4 of the project, Saul Karath. Let 'em rip.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:48, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Looking at the length of the intro compared to the article, I can say without checking the content that the intro is much too long. Graestan(Talk) 17:36, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
    • I shortened it a little, see what you think. I understood the shortening of the Nord and Bandon intros, but I think Karath has enough background to justify three paragraphs.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  2. You asked for a review. Please note that I did not look too much at the KOTOR game sections, as I'm not done the game. My focus was on the comics section. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 19:14, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • Some work to be done in the Vindication section. Some of the facts in the last paragraph aren't quite right. Haazen didn't slice the Vanjervalis Chain, he always had control since he owned the companies. His command of the ships came from the Gauntlet of Kressh the Younger, not from his cybernetics.
    • A few terminology issues, mostly in the Vindication section. He was given command of Swiftsure, not commissioned it. And the Veltraa wasn't a flagship.
    • Because of the revelations in Demon #1, you should review the Adasca Affair section's references to Rohlan.
    • I may not be understanding this correctly, but I was taught that every fact needed a reference, and that multiple facts coming from the same source needed multiple references. I could be wrong on this though. If I'm right, then a lot of refs need to be added, especially in the Early Life section.
    • The article may benefit from a Spoiler tag, especially since now there's a Demagol reference in there and he will be appearing in other issues of Demon.Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 14:40, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I'm waiting for the results of this, then the article will have a few more links, such as a link to Nord's ambush of Revan, and such. Also, full credit goes to Nayayen for uploading these three images. Finally, this article will be updated as new info, such as from the comics, is released.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 12:25, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • I will of course add new information from the upcoming Demon story arc.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:15, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Seyugi Dervishes

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Was just gonna nominate it for the GA, but after working with Master Jonathan, it's now at 1,042 words. So let 'em rip.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 21:42, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. They make Slipknot look friendly. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:40, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jinzler 17:39, November 10, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Jinzler
    • The first five sentences in the introduction all start with the word "The". You should maybe change one or two of these instances, to give a bit more variety and reduce repetition.
      • Agreed. Please take a look at it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:10, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • Otherwise, it is looking pretty good. I'm glad you chose to FAN it :) --Jinzler 00:26, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • I plan to nom minor organizations from time to time. Thanks for the review, Jinzler.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:10, November 10, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

HK-47

  • Nominated by:JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 19:42, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Statement: This time, optimal quality is guaranteed.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Optimal accuracy ratio achieved. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Looks good to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:16, October 13, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just because I helped in the beginning, don't think this'll be easy :P
    • "After the significant loss of life at the Battle of Malachor V, Revan constructed HK-47 as an alternative as he no longer felt destruction of such a scale necessary for his goals." This is confusing and it was already stated in the sentence before that Revan created HK.
    • "The droid went on to help Revan find the Star Forge once more." Revan found the Star Forge before? What is the Star Forge?
    • Context on T3, Jedi Exile, GO-TO in the intro.
    • "were found by GO-TO and used for his purposes." This is too vague.
    • "The Exile finally repaired HK-47, who went on to defeat G0-T0 with help from HK-50 droids he persuaded to join the Exile." Why would he need to defeat GO-TO? What was the Exile trying to do?
      • Re-worded for better understanding. I don't think we need to go into too much detail over GO-TO's goals in the intro. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 03:14, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
    • "given a new body." Why would he need a new body, what happened to the old one? You should probably mention that he was in the ship as well.
    • "This battle climaxed in a showdown between these spacers" What spacers? Were they the ones decieved by HK?
    • "HK-47's programming resulted in his enjoyment of bloodshed, and he took pleasure in any sort of violence, even describing his work as a form of art. He had a relatively condescending opinion towards organics, and made a habit of branding all organic lifeforms meatbags." I don't know if this is really neccisary, it's just a footnote disjointed from the intro.
    • That's it for now. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:31, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
    • Context on Nar Shaddaa. It should also be stated that GO-TO is a droid.
    • As it reads now, the first paragraph jumps from his creation to his capture. There should be a mention that he was set on missions by Revan.
    • The first two sentences begin the article by saying that he was created at the beginning of the Jedi Civil War, then they say that he was created in the wake of Malachor V (I reworded this part a little but it was there before) NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:12, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 06:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Nayayen
    • There is a fair bit of underlinking throughout. Don't forget that links shouldn't be unique to the intro and infobox just as much as information can't be.
      • After my copyedit I've also found cases of overlinking. For example, Visas Marr is not linked but Sith apprentice is linked at least twice in the body. Just remember: 1 link in intro, 1 in body, 1 in infobox and 1 in each image caption (if the latter two apply). NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • I've since linked and unlinked most of the ones that I could find, if you still see any, feel free to point them out and I'll take care of them immediately. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
    • In the intro, where did Revan find HK again?
    • "Revan decided that more droids of this design would make efficient agents for his purposes." -What are his purposes?
    • Am I not correct in thinking that the Sand People then let Revan hear from their storyteller? HK-47 would translate for both parties as before but would often advise against responses that may offend the storyteller.
      • Actually Revan meets directly with the chieftain while HK provides translation. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • That is correct but I am fairly certain that you can meet with the storyteller if you fully follow the quest through. For starters, most of what the storyteller's lines (or rather, HK's translations) have the "Sound Resref" of "nm20aaxsto-----"; you can check yourself. If you give the chieftain a krayt dragon pearl then he will deem you worthy enough to meet the storyteller. Please look into it. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
          • Yeah, you're correct. I was never generous enough to give them my pearl, so I didn't recall this happening. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
    • "was honored with Revan's other companions as heroes of the Republic, possibly even being awarded the Cross of Glory" -He either was or wasn't awarded it. There shouldn't be speculation about it.
      • Fixed. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • I can't find any reference to him being awarded it in the TSL tlk file. Do you have the StrRef for it? NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 15:24, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
          • I watched the ending of KOTOR again and Dodonna states that she's "proud to honor each of you with the Cross of Glory," which I think makes it a safe assumption that HK-47 received it as well. If you disagree, I'd be perfectly fine with removing any mention of the award. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
    • '"The attack failed when the Jedi Exile, Visas Marr, Nihilus's former Sith apprentice; and the current Mandalore, Canderous Ordo, along with a large force of Mandalorians boarded Nihilus's flagship, the Ravager, killed Nihilus, and destroyed the ship." -This is very disjointed, please fix it.
    • You need to put the P&t quote into {{Dialogue2}}.
    • How could you not even mention his definition of love in the P&t?
    • "The droid also found attacking a Jedi's allies, as Jedi would often sacrifice themselves to save an ally." -This sentence doesn't make sense.
    • Who, if anyone, voiced him in SWG?
      • After checking IMDB pages for both HK and Tabori, it doesn't appear he has a VA in Galaxies, although I'm unfamiliar with the game, and could be mistaken. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • Well, knowing that IMDB isn't always reliable, can you check with someone who has it? Someone in WP:SWG should be willing and able. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Does his Force alignment differ between KotOR and TSL?
    • I don't think this is something that you yourself might be able to fix but can you see about having the "companions of Revan" succession box made the same style as "companions of the Jedi Exile"?
      • I'll look into it, but I'm admittedly not very good with dealing with that sort of stuff. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
      • This is overstepping the bounds of the FAN process, to put it politely. You don't want to hear what I really think of this kind of nonsensical objection. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 22:16, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • FWIW, I did modify the template for consistency's sake, if nothing else. It now matches the KOTOR II template. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 22:31, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
        • My apologies Culator, I meant to have this as a comment and not an objection. Thank you Fraajic for sorting it. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • The URL references all need to use {{Cite web}}.
      • I'm unfortunately terrible when dealing with refs, so would it be too much to ask for you to fix one as an example? Then I'd know exactly what to do and would fix the rest myself. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
        • Certainly, it took me ages to figure them out myself... I've done Ref13. One thing to note is that accessdate needs the format yyyy/mm/dd. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 13:10, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
          • Ok, I fixed the refs, but I did end up listing the Team Gizka one multiple times because I couldn't get the ref name to work. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order)
            • They work the same as normal refs but instead of ''[[SOURCE]]'' for the first one, you put in the Cite web template. I've fixed them for you. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 07:14, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
    • Ref No.6 (kotorcg) needs fixing.
    • Some of the categories seem a little odd, specifically the "culture" ones. Can you find any more suitable ones?
    • I can't believe that there aren't more interwiki links. Please check the list and see if any more languages have HK-47 yet.
    • I may find some more after I do a copyedit this weekend. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
    • Four more for you. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 16:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • "Separatist scientists began studying design elements of HK-47" -who are the Separatists? Someone who doesn't know that the CIS are the Separatists wouldn't be able to see the connection.
      • Further to the linking issues, there seems to be at least 3 things in the Mustafar section that should be linked but aren't.
      • "Whether these were intentionally installed by Revan or simply part of his protocol droid package is unclear." -This should be reworded to be from an IU perspective.
      • Can the paragraph of the P&t with brackets in be reworded to remove them?
  3. Naru continues...
    • "Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the superweapon known as the Star Forge." Use the Star Forge to do what? What does the Star Forge do?
    • "While HK-47 displayed obedience to those he identified as his master, he had little regard for any form of life and admitted that he was driven by a desire for violence and carnage. He characteristically used the term meatbag when speaking of organic life forms, especially Humans." This sounds like it should be in the P&T. The following reason for it could also be moved there as well.
      • I feel that this segment is important where it is, as it establishes the type of programming Revan gave him and explains the origin of the meatbag term. I reworded it a bit so it hopefully fits a bit better. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 01:23, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
    • "The droid would continue to serve Revan during the Jedi Civil War, a devastating coonflict between a Sith Empire that Revan created after his turn to the dark side and the Galactic Republic, helping him locate the Star Forge and assassinating beings who could potentially destabilize the galaxy until his master sent him on an assassination mission into Mandalorian space." This is a double "and" and also mildly confusing. Reword.
    • Revan's memories were lost due to the intervention of the Jedi Council, not as a direct result of Malak's bombardment. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:45, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
    • NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:00, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Objections:
    • First of all, please standardize your paragraph length. Some are just uber-long, while the others are tiny.
    • Intro: However, HK-47 had been badly damaged and captured on a mission in Mandalorian space shortly before Revan was captured by the Jedi Order. The assassin droid's memory core was damaged, causing him to forget about his master, and he went from owner to owner, many of whom he inadvertently slew personally. Damaged is a bit repetitive. Please change one.
    • The droid also accompanied Revan to the edge of the Unknown Regions along with Revan's utility droid, T3-M4, before being left behind in Revan's starship, the Ebon Hawk, as the proclaimed Jedi Knight journeyed on to face a threat he had remembered from his time as the Dark Lord. Quite confusing as to who "the Jedi Knight" refers to, since you don't establish in the into that Revan was a Jedi.
    • Revan's assassin: Not long after the resolution of the war, Revan renounced the Jedi Order and left along with his friend Malak to search for Star Maps left behind by an ancient civilization so he could find and use the Star Forge, a superweapon which could produce an endless supply of war material, which Revan hoped to use in conquering the Republic. This one is a run-on.
    • The Jedi Council ordered the Sith Lord's memories be re-written, and Revan lost his original memories, including those of HK-47's existence. Change one of the "memories" to something else.
    • From master to master: The droid shut himself down once again after this discovery and was sold to a Human senator on the galactic capital of Coruscant. I believe that "this discovery" refers to the disovery of his master's death, but please reword to make it more clear.
    • Back with Revan: It was also the signal for HK-47's internal programming to undo the simulated damage to his primary memory core… Are you sure "simulated" is the appropriate word here? Because is sounds as if HK simulated the damage intentionally, which, from what I can tell, was not the case.
    • Please provide more context for Revan's search for the Star Forge. Why did he want to find it the second time?
    • Promise: Will continue with the "The Jedi Exile" later. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • The Jedi Exile: When the Jedi Exile who had since gained ownership of the Ebon Hawk reactivated HK-47, using parts retrieved from the imitation HK-50s and a junk dealer on Nar Shaddaa, the droid was enraged to discover these copies of himself, citing their coloration and their lack of using the meatbag reference, instead using "organic," as examples of their inferiority in his eyes. Run-on.
    • …the droid joined the Exile in her journey to find and unite the surviving Jedi Masters from the former Jedi High Council of the First Jedi Purge. Reads as if it was "The Jedi Council of the First Jedi Purge". Please reword.
    • Context on G0-T0 upon first mention.
      • GO-TO is given context in the intro, but I added some context there anyway. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 19:22, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • Please move the part about Revan erasing HK's memory to its chronological spot.
    • Darth Nihilus, a member of an organization of Dark Lords of the Sith, was tricked by Kreia into attacking the Jedi Academy there, thinking that he could sap the Jedis' Force energy when in reality the only Force-sensitive in the academy was its founder, Jedi Master Atris, the rest were Force-blind Echani Handmaidens. Again, run-on. Also, the plural form of Jedi is also "Jedi", not "Jedis".
    • …freeing Bao-Dur's remote to activate the Mass Shadow Generator… Who's Bao-Dur? There is no mention of him prior to this part.
    • Sometime during the thousands of years between then and the Galactic Civil War, HK-47's artificial intelligence was transferred to a computer located in a Hammerhead-class cruiser. Explain that HK-47's chassis was also aboard the cruiser when it crashed, because the mention of the Separatists finding it later doesn't make much sense otherwise.
    • "Retirement" on Mustafar: When the Separatist Confederacy of Independent Systems arrived on Mustafar during the on-going Clone Wars Choose either the "Separatists" or the "Confederacy of Independent Systems." Using both together feels kinda excessive.
    • Context on Darth Vader.
    • after Vader and the Imperial forces left Mustafar Again, what "Imperial" forces? There's no mention of any Empire.
    • HK-47 instructed the spacers to invade the Kubaza Beetle Cavern and enable his AI to be transferred from the ship. How would the spacers invading the cavern help HK-47 transfer his AI? Was there some kind of switch in the cavern or what?
    • Overall, the chronology of events in this section is quite confusing. What was the point of restoring the power to the facility? Did HK transfer his consciousness there as the facility's article claims? What did the six-digit code do? Please go through the section again and try to fix these.
    • HK-47 informed them that, although he appreciated their help for returning him to his body, he would have to get the factory back up and running to get some payback from those who had taken it from him. Who had taken what? The body or the factory?
    • Droid factory leads to a disambiguation page.
    • Also, I count five redlinks in the article. Take care of them (though I don't think we need an article for "gas").
    • Will continue with "Personality and traits" later. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:24, November 20, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Is there a succession box for "owners of HK-47"? I think there were at least 7 and it would be useful to have. This isn't an objection but could you look into it? NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 22:25, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
  • Not objection-worthy, but aren't there any other pictures of HK? 'Cause right now there are only images of him standing still, and I would like to see him shooting stuff :P QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:18, November 6, 2009 (UTC)

Ranat

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 02:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Do you hear that? That gnawing sound? It's growing louder. It's the sound of thousands of meter-tall rodents with fangs the size of your forearm burrowing through the fundament of your home. It sounds like it's coming from the next room. How thick is that door? Or the wall? Has anyone heard from the dog lately? Oh, are the lights flickering? (Ya gotta love the galaxy far far away's very own zombies!) ~ SavageBob 02:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Enough is enough! I have had it with these kriffin' Ranats on this kriffin' ship! (Mace Windu) --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:19, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 22:06, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Eyrezer:
    • Can you mention Con Q in the intro?
    • In the Biol section, you introduce the fact they have a tail with the phrase "the tail". Can you tweak this?
    • You mention getting approval of the sector government. From the Atlas Online companion, we can now specify this as the Antemeridian sector. This could either be pipelinked or mentioned in the text.
    • The last paragraph of the Ranats in the galaxy section jumps around chronologically. Is it possible to change the order of the Ranats mentioned to match the chronology?
    • Are there images on the Wook of the other possible Ranats you mention in the BTS? If so, it would be nice to add links to those images for reference purposes.
    • These aside, an enjoyable read. Nice work, as usual. --Eyrezer 03:44, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for your comments as always; these should all be addressed. As for the images, every Ranat image I know of is in the article, so I'm afraid we can't do any better here. ~ SavageBob 15:55, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
        • With the image question, I was suggesting you add a link to the disputed images in question. Currently there is a link to the bosun, but something like "For example, a hooded and cloaked rat-like figure is seen in a cantina on Diado in "It Takes a Thief," a story set in 19 BBY (Seen [[:File:Diado rodent|here]])." This way readers could click the link to check for themselves rather than having to hunt down the original source. --Eyrezer 23:59, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • A new one: can you explain the significance of being in the Borderlands? Ie, that it was a contested area of space or something. --Eyrezer 23:59, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • OK, I've uploaded the images and linked them in the article; plus, I've clarified the Borderlands a bit. ~ SavageBob 00:08, September 28, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Skippy. Not my best day, but let's have a try.
    • Bio: "They share many features in common with their distant cousins and with other mammals of similar physiology. Nevertheless, the status of Ranats as fully sentients...". The first sentence lists sentient species, but makes not mention to the sentience, so I do not understand the "Nevertheless".
    • Language: "Nitram Con Queecon" is listed as a three-part name. Should you mention that "Con Queecon" is the name of the species? I don't want OS ("could mean Nitram the Ranat"), but I think it's a good moment to repeat that bit of information.
    • Language: If Nevar Yalnal has an article, you should link him here in his first mention. Or at least somewhere, if you don't want to link him here.
    • Amusement park boom: It's the first time under history you mention that Ranat could be deemed sentient or semi-sentient or anything. So, during their previous appearances (Revan, Rydarians), Ranats were not classified? Or is Trebors trying to re-classify the Ranats?
    • In the galaxy: "In 0 BBY, they were building themselves a moisture vaporator and other items to ease their life on the desert world". I thought "they created no goods of their own". Which one is it? Reegeesk's acts, btw, seem to contradict "they had a difficult time mastering complex devices or fields that required abstract reasoning"
    • In the galaxy: Context for Una Poot and for Tinian I'att.
    • Two very similar sentences in different parts of the text: "work for little compensation" and "work for very little compensation". Apparently a trait, so it should be mentioned under "Culture".
    • BtS: "Sadie Eddon" redirects to "Sadie Eden", an article where "Eddon" is not mentioned ("Sadie Eden, sometimes credited as Eddon..."). Is this the person who played the Ranat?
    • BtS: "is designed to emulate a horror film". Can you source this? I mean, does the source offer a text saying "We wrote this wanting to emulate a horror film". Same applies to to "is designed to test the player characters' morality"
    • BtS: "The article "Action Figure Archive," in Star Wars Insider 75, mislabels the Chadra-Fan character Kabe as a Ranat" This could use a mention to Kabe's quote: In-universe, Kabe had been confused with a Ranat.
    • One more: BtS: the Yuuzhan Vong Peace Brigade takes them instead. I seem to understand that the Peace Brigade is not a Yuuzhan Vong organization, even if they are alligned with the YV. Suggestion: The YV-alligned PB, or The PG (allied with the YV).
    • aaaaand the most important objection: Take a copy of this thing and read pages 32 and 56. Even better, scan the whole book; I could have missed a mention.
    • Sorry if I'm being rude, but as I said, I'm not at my usual top billing. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:15, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • OK, sorry for taking so long to respond to these comments; I was moving to new digs. I should have addressed everything on your list except:
        • I feel that the first link to Nevar Yalnal should be when he is mentioned as an individual, not just an example name, hence the current linking.
        • The "It Takes a Thief" story contradicts most other Ranat lore, so I'm not sure what to do about the fact that Reegesk and his tribe seem at least somewhat comfortable with technology. I suppose a note could be stated that this particular tribe had attained a level of technological prowess unusual for the species as a whole. Would that be helpful?
        • The Sadie Eddon/Eden thing is hard to take care of. If we make a distinction between reliable sources and unreliable sources, as Wikipedia's policies on such matters, we are left with the name Sadie Eddon, as this is the only one that comes from a reliable source and links an actress with Reegesk. However, if we allow for unreliable, fan-edited sources such as IMDB and anonymous forums, we find that Sadie Eddon is another name used by the actress/stunt lady otherwise known as Sadie Eden. I'd rather err on the side of reliability, but I'm not sure what the Wook's opinion is of IMDB as a source.
          • I've used IMDB as a source and asked about it. I'll take care of Eddon. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:43, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
        • The horror film and morality stuff is sourced. Those bits come from the next footnote that you find after them. Thanks for the review, and apologies again for my lateness addressing these issues! ~ SavageBob 04:38, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Aeron Azzameen

  • Nominated by: JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 15:32, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said millions of times in IRC.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Awesome, Emon should be next. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 23:44, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Nice work, Jorrel. This has come a long way. Definitely worth the read. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 00:02, November 3, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Working on a lead quote. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 16:08, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Xicer
    • Your pronunciation guide currently pronounces Ace instead of Aeron.
      • Didn't even notice. Guess I should've checked that when I grabbed it from Ace's article.
    • Aeron should be listed as female in the infobox.
      • Are we abso- nevermind. There are too many people that would affect if it were brought into question. Added.
    • "On the way back to their home, however, the two Azzameens were intercepted by a quick attack on Harlequin Station by the Enkidu, a Pursuer-class enforcement ship, and an accompaniment flying under the Viraxo flag." Context needed on the Viraxo.
      • Contextified.
    • "The first of these taskgroups contained Antan piloting his Action IV transport Big Score and Emon piloting the Andrasta," Context needed on the Andrasta (just mention that it's a Firespray-31-class patrol and attack craft).
      • Squeezed in there.
    • "Once Storm Unit secured the station, Aeron and MK-09 were called in to assist in combing the main computer core." Context needed on Storm Unit.
      • Contextified and reworded to fit.
    • "Both Aeron and Garn's were cryptic concerning their relationship beyond friendship." Looks like there's a word missing here.
      • Not a word missing, but a missed possessive.
    • Very nicely written. Makes me want to play the game again. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 18:07, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • You should. It is your destiny. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 21:52, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Pasta bowl!
    • Check the tense, please. Use of "would" is a conditional mood in the present tense. Unless it is IU speculation, please reword those instances.
      • You learn something new every day. Changed every offending instance of "would".
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:29, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • "When Tomaas decided that it was time the youngest Azzameen, Ace, was to learn to fly so he could also assist in the family trade around 3 ABY, the responsibility to train the new recruit fell upon Aeron." This needs to be reworded and possibly broken apart. It borders on a run-on and does not read as well as the preceding text.
      • Broken up and reworded.
    • "For her first training session, Aeron told Ace, who flew with the family MK-series maintenance droid MK-09…" Did Aeron assign the droid to fly with Ace or did it just happen that way?
      • It looks like it just happened that way, though it's probably because Ace and Emkay always worked together.
    • "Both groups…" Who is in Aeron's group?
      • No one. Fixed wording.
    • "On the way back to their home, however, the two Azzameens were intercepted when a quick attack was launched on Harlequin Station by the Enkidu, a Pursuer-class enforcement ship." I could be wrong, but I thought it was before they left the station. Also, is there a link for the attack? I am not sure it deserves an article, but I was curious since I could not find one.
      • You are correct. Also, I can't find a link either. Should I make one?
        • That would be your choice. I am neither sure it is notable enough nor bold enough to forcibly require it in order for this nom to pass; I leave that to you and other well-learned members of the community to decide. My preference is no, however, not in this particular case. Take that as you will. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • The last paragraph of Training an Azzameen seems disjunctive. The prior paragraph concludes with some type of victory, having chased the Viraxo-allied assailants away; then, the new paragraph begins with security systems. That is fine. The problem arises with the next portion. What are the family cargo fields? Are they back at Azzameen Station or at Harlequin Station? Where did the raiders come from? I thought they were all driven away (based upon the prior paragraph). Then, after the discovery of spice, they drive the Enkinu away again? Something chronologically is missing.
      • Clarified and expanded a lot. I was missing a few details, but they're in there now.
    • In Dealing with the Viraxo we are suddenly introduced to Emon? Who is Emon? There are no links for him either here or in the introduction as well. He needs context to be suddenly dropped in.
      • Emon appropriately introduced and contexted.
    • More coming. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 12:30, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Your INQCONing is appreciated :D JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 14:09, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Unfortunately for the Azzameens, forces once again conspired to act against them." Whose forces?
      • The Forces of Generalization. Reworded awkward phrase.
    • "Aeron's group was tasked…" This needs to be clearly mentioned as the second group if it is so.
      • I think I fixed this? I'm not actually sure what you meant, so check and see if I was able to figure it out.
    • "The two rendezvoused at Azzameen Home Base…" "Rendezvoused" is not really a word; rendez-vous or rendezvous is, but both are a noun referring to a point of meeting.
      • Didn't think so. Reworded to keep the word but use it correctly.
    • I also would introduce the craft (first paragraph in 1.3) as the groups are introduced rather than after the fact.
      • I'm confused about this one. Do you mean to move the ships' names before their respective pilots, or something else?
    • "The offending starfighters were soon dispatched..." dispatched needs to be followed by the preposition "with" to be factually accurate. Of course, that clause can't end with "with" so it needs to be reworded. Try something other than "dispatched with."
      • Reordered slightly.
    • "…their uncle didn't…" I know this falls under {{sofixit}}, but… contraction!
      • Fixed.
    • "The short discussion was made even shorter…" This is an awkward idiom. It does not sound encyclopedic.
      • Fixed.
    • "Faced with nearly no options…" POV.
    • "…where they resided for the time being." The idiom "time being" seems awkward to me in this context. Could something else be used?
      • Yes. Specified what "time being" was.
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:34, September 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Successful, Ace returned…" Three things: this section is beginning to feel more like it belongs in the Ace article than Aeron's. Is there any way to expand upon Aeron's involvement and tone down Ace's? Secondly, what was successful? Was Antan liberated? Any details that could briefly be thrown into the sentence. Lastly, if Ace is mentioned as returning, what about Emon?
      • That part really did feel Ace-ish. I removed the latter portion completely and simplified both Emon and Ace's involvement in the matter. The only thing Aeron was responsible for was the discovery.
    • "Aeron's slicing efforts again proved fruitful for the Azzameen family." With? The context should be alluded to in this sentence with detailed extrapolation following.
      • Reworded and tweaked.
    • "before meeting Aeron in the Sabra…" Because this is Aeron's article and not about Ace, I suggest moving this information up so that it shows she did something during this time rather than dropping in the clause so suddenly. Also, expand on what she did as much as possible. Right now it seems like "Ace, Ace, Ace, and oh yeah, Aeron." Then, "Ace, Aeron, Ace, Ace."
      • Technically, that is how the game plays out, so it's very difficult to extrapolate what exactly goes on from her side of things. I've added a bit of context for her, though.
        • I understand what you mean, but you did a good job straightening it out here. It is much more logical from a chronological perspective. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Aeron's absences…" Was she expected somewhere or to be with someone?
      • Changed to "lack of communication" because it's more accurate.
        • I see that it is gone now. Is it irrelevant? I was unsure how it fit earlier, but if it is relevant information it should be included. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
          • I ended up removing it because, if it were to remain in, it'd be a one sentence paragraph (there really isn't a place to fit it). It's also only slightly relevant to the situation as a whole. While it does show the whole "Olin's worried about Aeron" theme... that's pretty much all it does. I did add it back in, reworded a bit. If it looks better/more complete like that, I'll keep it in there, but if it really feels out-of-place it's going to have to go, as the current revision is the best I can come up with.
    • "Around the same time, Ace transferred…" What does this have to do with Aeron or the article? Again, it seems much more about Ace than anything else. Adding information about other Azzameens to fill holes in the chronology should not be a primary fall back, if that is the intent. A couple of times might be fine, but this seems to be a pattern in this section. I do suggest going through this section again (1.4) and tweaking it so it is less about "Ace" and a touch more balanced.
      • I ended up trashing the last paragraph completely because an introduction to Ace's transfer fits elsewhere and the other was only slightly relevant. Also cleaned up some "Ace did this" and "Ace did that". There may be more that I'll cull later.
        • My only curiosity is what is posted one higher. What about Aeron having a lack of communication? See above.
          • See above.
    • "…inspecting each for easier identification by the incoming freighters." This does not make sense to me. Can this be reworded?
      • Reworded a lot.
        • One quickie about the subsequent statements that have been made after this little section. "Once the entire group arrived, the Rebel fleet arrived…" Could this be varied a touch?
          • Varied appropriately.
    • "Once there, Ace defeated several Alpha-class Xg-1 Star Wings, a Beta-class ETR-3 escort transport Minelayer laying mines, and the mines themselves, while inspecting satellites suitable for a listening device." Again, what about Aeron? Also, was the Minelayer placing mines and inspecting satellites or Ace? Clarification needed.
      • Cleaned up quite a bit.
    • "Eventually he settled for one…" Settled for what? Also, "settled for" provides the implication that he wanted another whatever-it-was but only got that 'thing.'
      • Removed wording altogether and fixed it up quite a bit.
    • "This forced Ace and Emkay into action, protecting Aeron and the satellite from attack." Was she spotted? Was she attacked? It is quite vague here. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • Fixed.
    • "Eventually Aeron finished her work…" What was her work on this task? That is more important than the information about Ace.
      • Specified while tweaking the amount of Ace.
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:16, September 18, 2009 (UTC)
      • Continued continued thanks. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 17:37, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
        • No problem. I will get to the next section shortly. In the mean time a couple residual things are above. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:45, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
          • Hopefully cleaned up the residue. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 18:03, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • Sorry for the delay. RL made it difficult to get online. One thing about the statement "Still working off the grid…": This seems, to me at least, more relevant in the relationship section when addressing Garn. Sitting there by itself seems slightly out of place, although relevant chronologically. This is what I suggest: If possible, make allusion to it in the main body paragraphs so that a placement can still be pointed to. Then, have the details of this in the relationship section. Admittedly, I have not reached that point of the article, so it might be there; but, it seems more relevant to describing the dynamics of their friendship than anything else. Just something to consider. Now onto other stuff…
      • Though the relationship section doesn't deal with this specific email, it's made clear that Olin sent a lot to Ace to keep an eye on Aeron. As such, I've now removed it (again).
    • "While on his personal mission…" This sentence has a lot of commas and is disjunctive. First off, try to clean up the clauses so they flow better. Next, were the emails showing an increased frustration or did each passing email show more and more frustration as a progression?
      • Cleaned up and made clearer.
    • "Aeron noted another…" This almost appears out of the blue. Could it be tied into the preceding paragraph better?
      • Contextified some. Hopefully flows a bit better.
    • "…she contacted Ace due to Emon's mission." Due to the mission? What mission?
      • Changed.
    • "The convoy that Aeron expected to arrive later appeared in the system early, bringing with it an escort." This also seems plopped in without a context or lead-in. Could it be foreshadowed prior by indicating her expectation or something such as this? Otherwise it reads like a game-guide.
      • Attempted some foreshadowing. If it's not enough, let me know.
        • To be honest, I was hoping to see the expectation listed earlier with the planning phase, but this wording is better than before. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • "After ignoring the message, he called his older sister, who agreed with his decision." The paragraph that contains this statement is only two sentences and should be consolidated into another. Also, I'm not quite sure what is going on in this sentence. Who is the inferred "he" in "his decision?" Also, what was the decision?
      • Cleaned up an integrated into proceeding statement.
    • The second paragraph of "Homecoming" seems to have nothing to do with Aeron. Is this information necessary? If it is, for contextual purposes, I think it should be condensed and how it effected Aeron included directly with it.
      • Culled a lot. Features more context and less filler, and is now hopefully a tad more fitting.
    • Sorry to say this, but by the end of the third paragraph I am confused as to what is going on. I apologize for this, but I am not certain. See what you can do while working in the area. I'll readdress this part when the surrounding text is sifted if necessary. I'm sure that will help.
      • Sifted, culled, extracted, cleaned up, modified, and a whole lot more done.
    • More later. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 23:40, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
      • Many thanks. I know it's not the most polished piece of work, but I appreciate the time and effort you're putting in to it. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 02:21, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Next round: "Determined to get the coordinates for the base…" So, did they jump to hyperspace or not?
      • Do you mean on the return trip to the cargo station or the trip to Azzameen Home Base? I took care of the first situation in the last sentence of the preceding paragraph ("Ace deftly avoided the blasts and advancing TIE fighters and, as soon as new hyperspace coordinates were plotted, returned to the cargo station.") I've expanded a bit, though, in the rewrite of the paragraph mentioned on your next point.
    • "Displeased with the Otana's efforts…" What efforts? Context? How does this relate to Aeron?
      • Aeron is in the Otana, which Ace is piloting. At this point, the Otana is docking with the cargo station, so in return the station sends the IRD fighters to fight the Otana. I've inserted a little context on what the Otana was doing to anger the station's security.
    • "The IRD Fighters were unsuccessful…" This sentence also does not fit. In reality, this paragraph is still too disjunctive to follow.
      • I ended up splitting the paragraph and completely rewriting it. Hopefully this new way is less confusing
    • The very next sentence uses as "however" as well. Plus, the context of who the mercenary group is needs a splash of context. I think this tells me a little more, but I am still a touch confused since it has read rather choppily to this point in this paragraph.
      • Done in the rewrite. It's the same merc group that was mentioned in the first paragraph of this section.
    • "…with the exception of the Otana." This does not quite make sense. Why would the Otana be aboard the Liberty?
      • The Otana has been on the Liberty (well, it was on the Defiance first, but Ace and the Otana were transferred) since Ace became a part of the Rebellion. The connection is made because Ace's "room" has been shown to be aboard the Otana, and after the mission you are still able to visit the room. That being said, I've removed the sentence completely since it's borderline OR.
    • I admit that it is definitely not paramount to the article, but the ending leaves the outcome of Antan's betrayal hanging. Is this deliberate? Was the information ever revealed?
      • It was not revealed. Immediately after that mission is the 4-part Battle of Endor mission, and the Endor missions finish the game. It's never been elaborated on in 10 years either (big surprise 9_9), so the hanging questions continue to hang.
    • "Garn was slightly more open in revealing his feelings toward the female Azzameen." Which was…?
      • Added.
    • That's it. Mostly, it is just that section of "Homecoming." — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 20:26, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thank you very much. I hope I cleaned up that one paragraph enough for it to read better. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 18:12, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Droma

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo 03:12, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Hey everyone! I've been doing a lot of work on the Droma article, and it's come to the point where I believe that it's complete. I do have a few questions that I hope you can help me out with --- feel free to answer them, and I'll make the necessary changes accordingly. Ditto any other changes you want me to make. My questions are...

- Biography: Since it falls entirely within the sub-heading "Yuuzhan Vong War", should I just jettison said sub-heading entirely? Has been addressed.

- Sourcing: The thread at the JC forums with Kathy Tyers that I've sourced thrice appears as three separate sources. I do not know how to make it into one with a 10.0, 10.1, and a 10.2. Is it possible to do this with external links? Scratch that, it's actually three different pages within the thread that are being linked to.

- Powers and abilities: I didn't think it was necessary to add this section, as I have covered his talents within "Personality and traits". Let me know if I should split p & t up and include a p & a section. I also didn't include armor and equipment --- I know that Droma is depicted with the same gun in several images, but having reread all of his appearances, I don't think he is ever actually carrying it in the text.

- Voice only: I included this next to The Final Prophecy in the appearances section, but I'm not sure if it's the proper disclaimer to use when a character only appears via comlink.

- quotes: Is the article OK without any quotes? I have the one at the beginning, and I think that the article works better without any more. Let me know if you want me to add any.

Thanks so much! Now, have at me.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 02:34, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. The Jedi Council takes a quick glance:
    • Everything in the infobox needs to be referenced.
    • The "fate unknown" stuff at the end of the bio is a big no-no and needs to go.
    • As far as your first point above regarding the headings, yes, I would suggest eliminating the Yuuzhan Vong War heading.
    • I may give it a full review later. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 05:46, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks so much for the advice. I have addressed all three points. Menkooroo 16:52, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
        • I apologize for butting in, but I feel I should let you know that you should never strike another person's objections. That person will strike their own objections when they feel that they have been adequately addressed. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 17:16, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Xicer
    • In the intro, context is needed for Han Solo. Also, who was attacking the Jubilee Wheel with the dread weapon?
    • First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) and Battle of Esfandia should be linked somewhere in the intro.
    • Context needed on Jubilee Wheel.
    • Context needed on the Yuuzhan Vong.
    • "He was part of a Caravan of Ryn ships heading from the Corporate Sector to the Plooriod Cluster when the Yuuzhan Vong entered the Ottega system and attacked Ithor. The Ryn were scattered, and Droma and several others ended up refugees aboard the Jubilee Wheel." Battle of Ithor (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked somewhere in here. Also, how were the Ryn scattered?
    • Context needed for Han in the body as well.
    • Context needed on the Peace Brigade.
    • Why did Droma want to go to Ralltiir?
    • Context needed on the Millennium Falcon.
    • Context needed on SELCORE.
    • First Battle of Duro (Yuuzhan Vong War) should be linked in the proper section in the body.
    • You seem to use "Ryn Network" and "Ryn network" interchangeably. Please choose one or the other.
    • Other than that, pretty good. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks so much for the thorough critique! I believe I've addressed everything there. Let me know if Han Solo needs any more context --- I think I have enough without going into detail of his and Roa's initial plan, but I don't think that that initial plan is relevant to Droma. With that said, you were right in that I didn't really have any context at all, so I've added a bit into both the intro and the body. And sorry about the redirects, too. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
        • I'd like to see it mentioned who exactly Han Solo is. Same goes for the Vong, at least mention that they're a group of extragalactic aliens. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 00:33, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
          • Done. The Vong are referred to as an extragalactic race of religious zealots (a term taken right from their own article) in the body. In the intro, I've called Han "the famous pilot and ex-smuggler", and in the body, "the famous pilot and hero of the Rebellion". Menkooroo 02:20, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Why do you not have quotes? Do you just dislike them? I'm going to have to insist that you add one in for every subsection. It's unofficial policy, basically, and IMO, makes the article look better. Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Quotes have been added to every subsection of "Biography", "Personality and traits", and "Behind the scenes". Menkooroo 00:41, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Just for future reference, "X-wing" is always spelled with a lowercase "w". Also, when linking please try to minimize the use of redirects. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 20:21, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
  • As for the "Powers and abilities" section, it is only used with Force-sensitive character articles. With all other characters, "Skills and abilities" is used instead, but general practice allows to cover the character's talents in "Personality and traits" too. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 21:31, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Awesome, thanks! Let me know if there are any problems with the Personality and traits section. Menkooroo 23:49, September 7, 2009 (UTC)

Waxer

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:54, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: More clones.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Have you checked all sources, including Ultimate Battles as well as The Battle for Ryloth and all other possible young reader books for information and appearances? CC7567 (talk) 20:11, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • Umm, I actually asked you to check the guide a while ago :P; The Battle for Ryloth adapts "Liberty on Ryloth" only; AFAIK, there are no young reader books based on Innocents of Ryloth yet. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:20, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
      • Oh yeah. But as for the book, no, "Liberty on Ryloth" is not the only episode it adapts. Please check it. CC7567 (talk) 20:34, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
        • Addressed. Thanks to Jang for the info. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:04, November 4, 2009 (UTC)
  2. How could I ignore a clone nom? :P
    • In the intro, you say he participated in the Battle of Kiros; however, I'm seeing no information about it. I'm seeing only Ryloth.
      • IMO, detailed information about the battle is not essential to the intro; that's what the biography is for.
        • Yes; however, if you mention something in the bio that is fairly important to Waxer, then you should mention it in the intro. But straight-to-the-point.
          • If that is the case, then Kiros is mentioned "straight-to-the-point:" Waxer fought alongside Jedi Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker at a battle on the Togrutan colony world of Kiros. I thought you were asking me to expand that part :P
            • Oh, no. :P
    • {{Fact}} tag in the bio.
      • The date is sourced to the comic. It's introductory page states: "The events in this story take place approximately twenty-two years before the Battle of Yavin."
        • Good catch; I forgot about that one. :P
    • Mention about Waxer's origins as a clone. Because this is a clone article, it is crucial that you mention about Kamino, and then mention about Waxer serving under CC-2224 and Obi-Wan.
      • It was removed per this precedent.
        • No; Qui-Gon for larger scale clone articles, it is best if you do mention Waxer's origins. That article may have past in the GAN page, but you need to thoroughly describe his existence as a clone here.
          • Whatever; added.
    • "Although the battle was ultimately won by the Republic, it was discovered that all the Togrutas had mysteriously disappeared." Quite confusing. So the Republic "ultimately" won because the Togrutas disappeared? IIRC, the Confederacy took the Togrutas, although it's not mentioned in the article.
      • Tweaked/Expanded.
    • While this is a factual error: "Utilizing the Marg Sabl maneuver, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano were able to destroy the Separatist blockade surrounding the planet, allowing the Republic forces to land and initiate ground assault." it needs some minor tweaking. Ahsoka suggested its use, and you failed to mention about the Resolute's role in the maneuver. To the average reader, who may not know what the maneuver is, it's best to mention about the Star Destroyer.
      • Is all that really essential? This article is not about the battle of Ryloth in general, it's about Waxer. All that the reader needs to know is that the Republic won the space battle and began ground assault. If said reader wants to know more about the maneuver, he just has to click on the link.
        • Then it's best if you leave "Marg Sabl" out, and just mention about Anakin and Ahsoka's success; allowing the troops to land.
          • OK, removed.
    • "Soon, however, Numa ran away in the direction of the recon droid, and Waxer decided to follow her, much to Boil's dismay." Either I've missed read something, or you forgot you mention about this "recon droid". Why was Boil negative about Waxer's decision?
      • The droid was mentioned before: As the two started to argue, Waxer spotted a Separatist recon droid flying nearby. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 05:48, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
    • "tooka doll" cannot be sourced to the episode; because it was never mentioned by name. Have you checked the guide?
      • Addressed, along with Nilim Bril, who wasn't mentioned by name either.
    • Nice work, Qui-Gon. :) JangFett (Talk) 21:53, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Needs update for Landing at Point Rain along with Boil. Not that they do much. I suspect they were put in the episode just to annoy us all. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:34, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
    • Yeah, that was a very unexpected and kinda useless appearance. Updated. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:04, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
      • There might be enough to warrant an Equipment section with his new armor that he used on Geonosis. In any case, you still need to add that part about his Geonosis/ARF armor to the article. CC7567 (talk) 17:54, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
        • OK, I'll do so. One question, though. Do we have an article for this type of armor, and if not, does it warrant a redlink? QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:23, November 8, 2009 (UTC)
          • Possibly link it to the original Advanced Recon Force trooper article. While I don't think giving it a separate article is necessary, perhaps creating a subsection within the ARF trooper article. JangFett (Talk) 18:29, November 8, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I understand that it's been two weeks since CC objected, so I want to inform that I'm still working on addressing his objection. However, if the Inqs consider my noms idle, I have nothing against their removal. In that case, I'll just re-nominate Waxer and Boil after the book is checked. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:13, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • I hate the NDS Republic Heroes :P QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:12, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

Boil

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:54, September 15, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: More clones.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Passing stuff
  2. Needs update for Landing at Point Rain, like Waxer. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 01:34, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Ludo Kressh

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Cursory glance:
    • The Early life section seems a bit fluffy. It seems like you go into way too much about the the exiled Dark Jedi of the Hundred Year Darkness. And you quickly wear out the term "Sith Space".
      • Addressed.
    • "Sadow believed that the title of Dark Lord of the Sith was rightfully his, and that the Sith Empire had grown stagnant in the centuries following the banishment of the Dark Jedi who fought in the Hundred-Year Darkness" Why did Sadow believe the position was rightfully his as opposed to Ludo? Why is this sentence written from Sadow's POV?
      • Switched to Kressh's POV; Sadow doesn't say why he thought the position was rightfully his at the funeral, he just says "By rights it should be me!"
    • Also with regards to the above statement, Sadow did not believe that the Empire had grown stagnant since the banishment of the Dark Jedi who fought in the Hundred Year Darkness.
      • Addressed.
    • More to come.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 08:50, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Kressh believed that Sadow's progressiveness was endangering the Sith's existence, while Sadow held that the title of Dark Lord of the Sith was rightfully his, and that the Sith Empire had grown stagnant." Stagnant since when?
      • Never stated. Sadow only yells "The Sith Empire is stagnant!"
        • He elaborates in his very next statement.
          • Addressed.
    • You make no mention of the Golden Age of the Sith.
      • Addressed.
    • Profuse underlinking in the biography.
      • Addressed, I believe.
    • "After freeing the Daragons, Sadow was happened upon by Simus, who had heard the disturbance on the prisoner level. Sadow, using a Republic blaster obtained from the Starbreaker 12, shot and killed Simus, planting the blaster at the scene to give the impression that the Republic had been responsible for freeing the Daragons and murdering Simus." This reads like its from Sadow's biography. Try to rewrite this part from Kressh's POV. You can explain later the details of Sadow's scheme when you talk about Ludo finding out.
      • Addressed.
    • "Little did they know, Kressh had actually faked his death, intending to claim the title of Dark Lord of the Sith." How would this ploy allow Kressh to claim the title of DLotS?
      • Addressed.
    • More still.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 00:54, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'd really like to see the image of Naga Sadow removed in favor of one of Ludo, especially since there are ones of Ludo from that point of the story that can be used. Choose one, and Redemption can scan it for you if you request it of him.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 16:06, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • Addressed.

Comments

  • I'd suggest perhaps contacting Redemption for some more pertinent images then several of the ones currently displayed.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 08:50, September 19, 2009 (UTC)

Evacuation of Rychel

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Very well done. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 21:37, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Too bad Le'Ung didn't become a major player…--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:51, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  3. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:46, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 17:46, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Informative and entertaining.Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:39, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just a few objections…
    • First off, isn't the title of this article conjectural? Nothing I read seems to indicate that it's the canon name for the event.
      • Addressed.
    • Infobox: There's a ~ by the "4 Bulwark-class battlecruisers".
      • Addressed.
    • First paragraph of intro: "commanded by Pau'an Master Lar Le'Ung… I'm not gonna pretend I don't know what you mean, Tommy, cause I do. But someone unfamiliar with the subject might not. Could you clarify that Le'Ung is a Jedi?
      • Addressed.
    • Third paragraph. Could the Battle of Artorias be linked in here. Can it also be linked in the "Background" section?
      • Oversight on my part, addressed.
    • Soldiers and death need to be linked in the intro.
      • Another oversight. Addressed.
    • That's it, Tommy. Did a great job, as usual.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 13:22, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review Kasra. Please advise if anything else is required.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:56, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Nayayen
    • Intro: "...the battle originally began as an evacuation effort of the planet Rychel..." It was originally an evacuation; you don't say what it then turned into.
      • Never mind, I misread a sentence.
    • Can you check if that is the correct source for the quote in "Unexpected developments"?
      • Wow my mistake. Addressed.
    • One little thing in the Bts: "Though the planet Rychel was first mentioned in the previous issue, its first appearance was also in part three of Invasion: Refugees." This doesn't seem to make sense given the following sentence.
      • See how that works.
    • This is the first time I've reviewed your work Tommy and, aside from those minor niggles, I very much enjoyed reading it. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 21:26, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Harrar
    • As others have said, this article is very well written and nicely detailed. My major problem with it is that it feels heavily weighted toward the New Republic. The title is the main culprit, but essentially this is the Battle of Rychel, no? Tsalok invades it and lays siege, and the New Republic responds. But you've got neutrality issues throughout the introduction and the article. It seems to be that everything is witnessed by New Republic troopers and Jedi, that a lot of the article is how they respond to the Yuuzhan Vong. An example would be "They were delayed by Tsalok, who tore through the ranks", which could easily be switched to "Tsalok tore through the ranks". I'm not asking for a re-write, but for you to consider balancing the perspectives more thoroughly. I don't want to be difficult, however, so if you or other Inqs feel I'm being unfair, I'll reconsider my objection.
      • Hey Harrar thanks for the review, as always. I hear and understand what you are saying, but I did the article in this manner for several reasons. When it's first presented to us (the reader) in the comic, the Jedi who alerts Luke states that the Republic wants the Jedi to assist with evacuation efforts; the fact that the Jedi are in charge of the situation made it a "Jedi mission". Le'Ung's statement upon their arrival over Rychel, "Your primary objective is to locate civilians and get them to an evacuation ship" further reinforces this. It is a battle, yes, but it only turned into one because the Yuuzhan Vong had to be prevented from hindering the evacuation. The third reason is that as soon as Luke was satisfied that all who could be saved had been, he ordered the retreat. In most of the other battles we see taking place in this tumultuous galaxy, annihilation is the prime objective of either side; not so here. Thus, the article is written primarily from the perspective of a "Jedi mission" to save the helpless citizens from these invaders. You follow me? Let me know what you think, and thanks again for the review, friend.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:37, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Just a few from the Academy
    • I would check through and make sure you've italicized the correct instances of "Bulwark".
      • Addressed.
    • Although they were on the side of the Republic, the civilans weren't fighting forces on their side, so I'd move the civilian casualties to the "Civilian casualties" field on the infobox.
      • The infobox template doesn't provide specifically for "civilian casualties."—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 00:27, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
        • I believe that was included a while back. I added it in for now. My only familiarity with its use was on the Battle of Ryloth article, but if that's incorrect then feel free to remove it here. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 22:39, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • Other than that, great article. My only other suggestion was part of Harrar's objection, that being the title. While the event was presented from the Jedi point of view, and while the Jedi would call it the Evacuation of Rychel, I don't believe that the Vong would title it similarly. It's more likely they would call it the Invasion of Rychel, or something similar. Regardless, calling it the Evacuation doesn't really detract from the quality of the article, but for the sake of NPOV, I would suggest a move. But again, I'm with Harrar on the flexibility of this suggestion. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 06:57, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Quille

  • Nominated by: Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 22:47, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Had a good comment, but I forgot it. Oh well. Just pretend I came up with something funny to say.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:34, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:13, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 02:01, November 27, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD
    • In the intro, mention that Caedus is a Sith Lord the first time you mention him.
      • Done.
    • "After Pellaeon and the Moffs, including Pellaeon's ally Drikl Lecersen" Does it really merit mention in the intro that Lecersen was at the meeting?
      • Nope. Removed.
    • "As the meeting commenced, Quille revealed the proposal to his fellow Moffs, proving Pellaeon's theory that the Grand Moff was in possession of the offer." Expand on this. Why would Pellaeon suspect Quille knew of the offer?
      • Revelation doesn't really elaborate on it. Pellaeon just mentions that he wouldn't be surprised if some of the Moffs knew of the offer, and then he and Lecersen glance at Quille.
    • That's it. Well done. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:46, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

CC-3636

  • Nominated by: CC7567 (talk) 07:55, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Virtually the last project I can do before Cad Bane bogs me down.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:06, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 23:18, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Good job, CC.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:34, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 05:45, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Tommy:
    • In the intro you call Plo Koon both a Jedi General and a High Jedi General, despite the distinctions between the two. This becomes more confusing when you later refer to Anakin as also a Jedi General. Please rework this somehow. I would have done it, but I don't want to screw with the prose.
      • As I understand it, it's basically the same way that a Jedi Master is still a Knight; the latter is still the former, but it just isn't specified this way as often. I've changed it for clarity, but I don't feel that it makes a big enough factual change. CC7567 (talk) 05:39, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
    • See if you can add the last sentence of the P&T to the preceding paragraph somehow.
      • Taken care of, though they really aren't that related. CC7567 (talk) 05:39, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
    • What's up with the redlink in the Appearances section?
      • A young readers book that I've been too lazy to create an article for. I'll take care of it soon. CC7567 (talk) 05:39, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
    • That's all.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 05:03, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review. CC7567 (talk) 05:39, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Something veeery minor
    • …influenced by the fear of death invoked by Ventress's beheading of one of the clones… Look at the scene closely; Ventress beheads two clones. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:47, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
      • Eh, fine. Fixed, and thanks. CC7567 (talk) 20:52, November 29, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Kidnap attempt on Serenno

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Not too bad for a first time. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 15:52, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Good job Malevolous, look forward to reviewing your next nom.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:52, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Fett
    • Are you sure the correct canonical name is "Duel on Serenno"? If not, then you must add the {{Conjecture}} tag.
    • Intro-" attempted to kidnap and possibly assassinate former Supreme Chancellor Tarsus Valorum." "Possibly" is too colloquial and does add a bit of speculation.
    • "to sow seeds of confusion" I don't understand what you mean by this phrase. Please clarify this, as it might confuse other readers.
    • "The Sith relied on Kelad'den's talent with words and her own prodding with the Force to convince the members of the organization to follow through with the plan she had persuaded the Twi'lek to suggest." What was this "plan"?
    • I realize that you mention about this "plan" before you said "The plan involved taking captive Supreme Chancellor-turned-diplomatic emissary Tarsus Valorum..." However, you must mention this earlier.
    • "Supreme Chancellor-turned-diplomatic emissary" Please find a way to simplify this phrase. Quite confusing.
    • "The members of the crew, that were to execute the strategy, laid out three days before were required to take the place of six of House Nalju's employees and to lay out explosives on the landing pad selected by the Great House." What do you mean by "laid out"? Also, "lay out" doesn't work here. Context on "Great House" as well.
    • "The duel" section has too many subsections. I suggest you remove both, because of the length of your paragraphs within the sections.
    • "After connecting to the Force, the Jedi quickly noticed that those ahead, that he had presumed to be members of House Nalju were armed, and that explosives were hidden under the landing platform." This sentence doesn't make sense. Due to the lack of proofreading, this is basically improper English. Please reread and rephrase. Who is "those ahead"? Also, please watch your usage of commas, I've been seeing a great deal of misuse throughout the article.<?s>
    • "The Jedi bodyguard called upon the Force to aid him, leapt, and caught the former Chancellor by his cape..." "leapt" is not a word.
      • This falls under the {{Sofixit}} clause, Jang. I've taken care of it but in the future, such changes are best made by an objector rather than being left as an objection.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:31, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
      • I would like to point out that leapt is, in fact a word (past tense of leap), but leaped is also past tense of leap.—Darth MalevolousSith Emblem(Through power I gain victory.) 22:08, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
      • Fwiw, they're both acceptable. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:30, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • "...then hauled him up, almost simultaneously catching a blaster bolt on his Lightsaber" You cannot "catch" a blaster bolt with a lightsaber. A Jedi may deflect a bolt; however, cannot simply "catch" a laser bolt. If you did not actually mean "catching a blaster bolt on his Lightsaber," then this sentence is too-colloquial. By saying "almost simultaneously" can get too speculative and therefore has to be rephrased or removed completely.
    • "Desertion was apparently not acceptable." What do you mean by this?
    • "This encounter was used by author Drew Karpyshyn to eliminate new character Kelad'den, as well as to create a way for Zannah to meet Hetton and attempt to overthrow Bane." This isn't a proper BtS. A BtS simply mentions what source, in this case, the "Duel on Serenno" appeared in. You may also mention the author. I suggest that you take a look at other novel-related battle articles to get a general perspective of what is required in a BtS.
    • Also, please watch your linking. This article suffers underlinking issues. Any new subject that appears and hasn't been linked before, must be properly linked.
      • I went through there and looked all over the site for articles in this that weren't linked, and what's there now is what I've found. Due to the fact that this is a duel, there probably won't be much more to add.—Darth MalevolousSith Emblem(Through power I gain victory.) 14:51, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
      • Can I take this to mean that you are still unsatisfied with the linking? MalevolousLemmet Tauk Symbol(Contact Frequency) 20:28, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
        • Jang, I believe I fixed the rest of the linking issues in my copyedit. Malevolous, look here for the difference between your linking and the degree that there should be. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 15:52, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Not bad. JangFett (Talk) 03:32, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Blacklist:
    • You need the FAnom tag.
      • This falls under the {{Sofixit}} clause. I've taken care of it but in the future, such changes are best made by an objector rather than being left as an objection. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 17:30, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
        • Perhaps, and thank you for your assistance, but as a new nominator I wanted Darth Malevolous to see it for himself and adjust accordingly instead of someone just coming by and fixing it for him.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 18:21, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm sure you can find some sort of lead quote for the article.
      • Addressed.—Darth MalevolousSith Emblem(Through power I gain victory.) 23:29, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
        • I don't think that quote is too relevant to the article as it is titled. Also, as I read the article, it reads more like its about the entire event (the assassination attempt & subsequent fight), not so much like its about the actual duel which is between Othone and Kel. You may want to either rework the article so it focuses more on the duel, or rename the article to reflect it as it is currently written.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 05:31, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
          • Sorry, I'm not sure I follow. Which would you prefer? I, for one, would rather not rewrite the entire thing. MalevolousLemmet Tauk Symbol(Contact Frequency) 20:41, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
            • No, and I honestly wouldn’t expect you to. Because the article encompasses the whole event as opposed to focusing on the specific duel between Kel & Othone, something like “Assassination attempt on Serenno” or something to that effect would be more appropriate, IMO.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 20:56, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
              • Makes sense, I'll do something like that. Also, once the name is changed, will the quote then fit? MalevolousLemmet Tauk Symbol(Contact Frequency) 20:30, November 12, 2009 (UTC)
                • Yup, it works well now.
    • Last thing: the "Arrival & Twi'lek warrior" sections are a bit play by play. See if you can condense them slightly. Keep in mind that you don't have to go into too much detail about how Othone felt, what he felt he could do; just say what he did, what they did, etc. unless it is paramount that such details be given to explain how the events unfold.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 01:54, November 13, 2009 (UTC)
      • I changed a few things, but you probably want more. Could you be a bit more specific? For example, how much condensing do the sections need? Malevolous Lemmet Tauk Symbol(Contact Frequency) 22:52, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Nayayen
    • Intro: Is the gender and exact order in which the assassins were killed necessary? You can merge it with the following sentence easily.
    • Intro: The first paragraph here jumps from the ARLF planning to Valorum disembarking. There is no mention of the ship landing or where this whole thing even took place (in the intro).
      • A bit unsure on this still, do you really mean the intro? The intro doesn't talk about the ARLF planning at all. I think I addressed the part about the landing and where it took place.
        • By the planning I meant the switching with the servants et cetera. Badly worded on my part. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • Make sure there is no info exclusive to the intro. 990 BBY was the first thing to catch my eye, please put this in the main body as well and check for any other such intro-exclusive details.
    • "Arrival": Can you describe the landing pad a bit? It did affect the duel rather a lot.
    • At the end of "Arrival", mention that the other assailants did flee.
    • "remembering the classic Jedi adage, "There is no death; there is only the Force."" This is phrased a little too OOU in my books, please reword.
      • The 4 above objections and the one after the next were resolved over talk pages. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 12:08, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
    • The attribution for the quote in aftermath seems a bit awkward. We already know who they are and "an incredibly gruelling battle" could be replaced with "the duel" or something.
    • Isn't there supposed to be a Bts for FAs?
    • More to come. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 23:14, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
    • You give no context as to who Othone is in his first mention in the body.
    • I'm seeing several cases of improper comma usage such as "The fall had broken Kelad’den’s neck, but due to the Force, Othone survived." Please go through and check for these.
    • "But as he ran, passing the Twi'lek, he was slashed..." Who is the Twi'lek?
    • "After Kelad'den landed more than a few...than he could spare for the Force." This sentence is badly worded; "more than a few" is a little too colloquial, "comprehended" isn't really suitable and I don't know what you mean by "took more concentration than he could spare for the Force."
    • Check the rest of that paragraph for NPOV, "Amazingly" isn't NPOV for example.
      • Addressed.
    • That is all I can find. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 10:08, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  4. A few for you
    • This is a disclaimer, I am familiar with the events of Rule of Two, however, I will present these objections to you as if I never read the book.
    • In the intro it states as fact that Othone survived a fall due to the Force. However, the last paragraph of "The Twi'lek warrior" says due to some quirk of fate or the Force, Othone survived. Which is it?
    • It would be a good idea to italicize New Dawn, in the "Arrival" sub-section, and Darth Bane: Rule of Two, in the BTS.
    • Context is needed on Cyndra and Paak. Were they human, male, female, what?
    • The involvement of Darth Zannah in this led to the Duel on Ambria after she was captured by Cyndra and brought to Hetton. Can you rearrange your wording, example, Darth Zannah's involvement in the duel led to her being captured by Cyndra, who brought Zannah to Hetton. Also, the "Duel on Ambria" is not the event's canonical name. Link it to another word, like this, for example: [[Duel on Ambria|confrontation]] on [[Ambria]]. Also, context on Hetton is needed.
    • The event was used to further develop the character Johun Othone and the repercussions of the duel eventually led to the Duel on Ambria. Can you split this into two sentences? Like the above objection, use another phrase to describe the Duel on Ambria.
    • Good read, enjoy this series very much.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:13, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Per Jang, you may want to look here or here for good examples of duel articles. Those two examples that I've given you are from the same book as your article, even.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 13:31, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
  • When linking, you don't need to have the first letter of the article capitalized (unless it is a proper noun or start of a sentence etc.); it will go to the same article regardless. Don't forget that Human always has a capital letter. NayayenOld Republic military symboltalk 23:14, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Nosaurian

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 03:12, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: It's taken a long time to get this one ready, but I think it's time. ~ SavageBob 03:12, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:20, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Another top-quality article. --Eyrezer 23:39, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 01:04, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Grunny (Talk) 08:03, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • Watch your linking, please.
    • "To outsiders, however, they were known to disdain Humans (and, to a lesser extent, other species) for what the reptilians considered a history of mistreatment. " Reword this; parentheses are generally not used in FAs.
    • Context on Hajial Chase. Is it a city?
    • "Meanwhile, the Corellians seemed more eager to exploit New Plympto's resources (scant as they were)" Reword without parentheses.
    • Context on the Yuuzhan Vong.
    • "Such Nosaurians often faced discrimination from others due to their reputation as troublesome (especially among Humans)" Reword without parentheses.
    • That's it. I must say, I loved this article. Fantastic work. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:58, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
      • All these should be addressed except linking. Can you specify what you mean? ~ SavageBob 14:36, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Skippy Farlstendoiro. Mostly suggestions
    • Box: Could you use some order for enumerations? Particularly skin color; as there are many options, could you consider alphabetical order, gathering the colors with the same source, or some order used for colors such as rainbow or antyhing?
    • Intro: The 3rd paragraph could mention, after the first contact with the Corellians and before the rikknit population plummeting, that the economy of New Plympto depended on exporting rikknit.
    • Intro: 4th paragraph says that Holdfast and Greenbark were both famous. In-universe, Holdfast was a famous journalist and athlete; was Greenbark famous in-universe for his adventures?
    • Main body: I understand names should be linked once per infobox, per intro and per main body (I was told that once). Have you noticed that Bomo Greenbark is never linked in the main body?
    • Biology: Could you divide the 3rd paragraph? Just before "A long, beaklike snout". I think you talk about the top of the head and the lower part in detail. Just a suggestion.
    • Society: "Despite the fact that a new bride and groom might be total strangers at the time of marriage, Nosaurians could form fierce bonds with their mates and their families; the Nosaurian Bomo Greenbark traveled to three different worlds to track down his wife and daughter" Are you suggesting that the Greenbarks did not know each other when they married, or is this information unknown?
    • History / The Clone Wars: "In 24 BBY, things changed." Doesn't sound encyclopedic at all to me. Could you please reword that? Just suggestion.
    • History / The Clone Wars: "such as the Battle of New Plympto". Could you give the date of the Battle? I think it's important as it was at the end of the war.
    • In the galaxy: "his fellow trainee, Cope Shykrill, affected him with a sinister influence, which turned him against his fellow trainees". "His fellow trainee" repeated. Use a synonym, please.
    • In the galaxy: Last paragraph. I find confusing your use of "For example" in the second example of an enumeration. Could you please reword that?
    • Great job. It's hard to find things to object; WP:A are starting to think alike. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:36, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks as always for the detailed review. All of these should be fixed. The infobox orders the "famous members" by clan name. Oh, and we don't know what their economy was like before contact with Corellians; I'd assume it was focused on domestic production much like our Earth is now prior to any alien contacts, but we don't really know from the sources. Otherwise, I've tried to follow your advice! ~ SavageBob 15:30, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
  3. You can't get rid of Skippy so easily
    • One more: Here I can read about New Plympto "officers" doing something. Have a look and decide: Are they are Nosaurians? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:53, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
      • Hmm. There's no time designation, so there's no way to tell. If this is the Imperial period, "New Plympto officials" would most likely be Humans from the Empire, for example. In other words, I think this information is germane to New Plympto, but not to Nosaurian. ~ SavageBob 14:19, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Harrar
    • It's a simple fix but I don't want to misinterpret source info. Remember that in 28 ABY the New Republic transitions into the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances; yet in the New Republic period section you continue to refer to the govt as the New Republic. Chronological info coming after 28 ABY and the Battle of Ebaq 9 should refer to the New Republic as the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances, methinks :P. Great article otherwise. -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 22:12, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Regarding the Wizards article Skippy found, I'd suggest adding it to the sources along with the {{Pos}} template. Perhaps a note at the end of the BTS explaining the possible appearance could accompany this. --Eyrezer 23:39, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

Gav Daragon

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Nayayen
    • There are various battles that should be linked in the intro.
      • Addressed.
    • I don't believe that the amulets actually glowed, just "tingled".
      • Addressed.
    • You must mention that Jori was taken to the decoy fortress.
      • Addressed.
    • I personally think that replacing File:Naga Sadow NEGTC.jpg with one of him mentoring Gav would be more appropriate.
      • I have some problems regarding that. I'll get on it soon.
        • I'm much more ambivalent about the ones in the next objection but I really don't think that this one supports/is overly relevant to the text. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 14:10, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
          • Finally addressed.
    • Same as above for the Atlas and meditation sphere images. With the latter, I think it would be more relevant to have an image from Dogs.
      • Same response as above.
        • Addressed.
    • "Withdrawing to his meditation sphere, Sadow informed Daragon that he would be leading the main fleet." It isn't clear who "he" is here.
      • Addressed.
    • The "crawl" in End of an Empire states that Sadow "triggered a secret weapon" to cause the supernova, not the Force.
      • Addressed.
    • Mostly minor things here that don't dull a good read. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 23:37, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Darth Caedus

  • Nominated by: Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Over a year later, it's finally done. It'll probably take that long to pass, too. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Timeline
    • The section "still the student" reads: "He did not leave immediately, however. He spent some time instructing other Jedi, among them Nelani Dinn, whom he trained in lightsaber combat." This seems to suggest that he instructed Nelani before he set out on his journey, although Betrayal claims that this occurred in 33 ABY. It's a bit confusing as it currently reads.
      • Betrayal's statement that it was "seven years ago" that he trained her is an artifact of Betrayal's original setting in 37 ABY; after it was removed, some time references had to be rewritten and this one wasn't caught. The same rewrite was responsible for the mixup saying Zekk was younger than Jaina; one of their ages got corrected but not the other. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • I know that, but the sentence, as it currently reads, still seems to imply that he instructed Nelani before he left, which hasn't been established in canon, and is thus conjecture. The "seven years ago" statement is really a currently unresolved continuity issue, and I think it warrants a note in "Behind the scenes", just as in Nelani Dinn's article. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
          • Well, it implies that because that's obviously the situation. We know there's a timing error; we know that if we read it as a leftover mistake, it makes sense; we know if we read it as correct it makes no sense (Jacen is randomly heading back to train random Jedi in lightsaber technique, but refuses to see his parents even though he misses them?). It's a mistake, pure and simple. Just like all the stuff that's supposedly twenty years ago in Patterns of Force; we know it's not because it doesn't make sense and the book is riddled with timeline errors. It's a good idea to note it in the BTS, though, and I've done that.
            • Awesome. Really well-done paragraph in BTS. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Also, what's the basis for claiming that Jacen didn't set out on his journey until 30 ABY? Is it the consistent use of "five-year journey" in post-NJO novels? Even with that in mind, it still seems like conjecture on your part, unless it's been explicitly stated that he waited a year to leave.
      • It's the five-year journey bit, yes. It would be conjecture for me to say he left right away and all the other sources calling it five years were wrong on the assumption or inference that he had to have left in a matter of days right after TUF. Though that seems to be the vague assumption that the material kind of forwarded by not explicitly saying he hung around a while before leaving, other than the thing with Nelani, it's only a vague inference whereas the more specific references tell explicitly against it. I'm just working with what canon established. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • Maybe source the "30 ABY" in that sentence, and make a note of it in the reference? A note establishing that the novel(s) sourced indicate it was a five-year journey. That would clear up confusion, and make it clear to everyone that it's bsaed on in-novel statements and is not conjecture. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
          • It's already sourced to The Joiner King, which establishes that it was a five-year journey that ended in 35 ABY. There's not really any more sourcing needed -- if anything that might be questioned as "is that an inference or a guess or right in the text?" had to get sourced and noted, there would be twenty refs saying "No, that's in there," in each paragraph. I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's really necessary or practical. Havac 20:18, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
            • Yeah, you're right. For completeness's sake, I'd suggest adding in a couple more sources immediately after "Jacen set out in 35 ABY" (other novels which call it a five-year journey), but that's just a preference of mine, not a requirement. Cheers. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Ditto claiming that he visited the Baran Do Sages in 34 ABY --- Outcast states that he visited them near the end of his journey, but does it actually explicitly state that it was in 34 ABY? If not, then 34 ABY seems like conjecture based on the idea of The Joiner King taking place at the very beginning of 35 ABY.
      • The Baran Do, in 43 ABY, say he visited them nine years ago. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • My mistake! Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Some image captions end in punctuation while others don't.
      • Those which are complete sentences end in punctuation; those that aren't don't. Image caption policy. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm pretty nitpicky about timeline things, but a very well-done and extensively researched article with a fantastic use of images. Excellent job, Havac. Menkooroo 03:09, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thank you. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • The fourth paragraph of "Deep doubts" reads: "When five beetles menaced a pair of vulnerable Vors, however, he was forced to kill. More beetles were drawn to his lightsaber, forcing him to throw it away and run." I think it's worth mentioning that it was Droma who convinced him to throw the lightsaber. Droma was part of the expedition, and was the one who realized that they were attracted to light sources. Menkooroo 20:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • You just love Droma, don't you Jeff? I've added in a mention. Havac 01:44, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
        • Damn right I do. But I also did legitimately feel like the paragraph was incomplete. Feel the Ryn love! Menkooroo 03:46, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Pargo

  • Nominated by: Green Tentacle (Talk) 20:34, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Wherever you go, on sea or on sand, you can't ever hide from Pargo LaGrande!

(2 Inqs/0 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 01:02, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 14:35, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. IFYLOFD:
    • Pargo and Stele, who were both out stunting at the time of the raid" What do you mean by "stunting"? Could less colloquial language be used here?
    • Context on The Maze.
      • There isn't any. It's only briefly mentioned and there's nothing to say what it is. I was linking to the wrong Maze, however, so this is now a redlink. Green Tentacle (Talk) 13:38, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • Other than that it looks good. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 23:02, October 23, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Fuzzum

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 06:47, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Sorry about the poor images, but until this episode gets some sort of official release, this is all we're gonna get. ~ SavageBob 06:47, October 22, 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Furries of activities. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:46, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 07:48, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 03:21, November 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Farlstendoiro and the F-aliens.
    • Excessive footnotes: Several times, you refer to the same source twice in a row, while you only need to make a footnote if the previous one was different. Example: History, penultimate paragraph. Two footnotes to [1], the same source. Only the last one is needed, affecting the whole paragraph.
    • Ditto in Biology, first paragraph; notes: [1][4][5][1][1][2] You could remove the second [1].
    • No new info from A Guide to the Star Wars Universe, 3rd ed. or from The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia? (Or at least no references to them) If so: Maybe BtS could use "The information about Fuzzum in Star Wars Encyclopedia was repeated, word by word, in The Complete Encyclopedia"? Or the footnote could mention "information from A and B"
    • 80's toons. Sweet.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:08, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
      • These should be fixed now. Thanks for your review! Yeah, other 80s species should probably be written up too. It's unfortunate that Clone Wars is the current series. I can imagine the flurries of activity there would be around Droids if it were being aired for the first time nowadays. ~ SavageBob 14:31, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  2. IFYLOFD:
    • "Captured enemies faced a dire fate: droids could be sold or dismantled for other uses (like turning an astromech into a stew pot), and sentient beings could be cooked and eaten." Reword without parentheses.
    • Please check your linking. Articles should be linked once in the intro and once in the rest of the article.
    • That's it. Nice job. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:31, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
      • These should be addressed. Thanks, as always, for your review! ~ SavageBob 15:32, October 30, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • By the looks of this image, some Fuzzum also wear shoulder sashes. You may like to add that. Unless it is a quiver... --Eyrezer 07:48, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • Well, I thought it was a quiver, but I just looked again at the episode, and it's just too hard to tell. I've reworded things a bit. ~ SavageBob 14:40, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

Alfonso Luiz Obota

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 11:54, October 22, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This took long enough

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote My name is Alfonso Luiz Obota. You killed my father. Prepare to die. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:43, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:51, November 7, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Starbreaker 12

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Prepare to be savaged...
    • I think the "Description" section is a bit sparse. You could say a lot more about the ship just from looking at pictures of it. It's hull is uneven, it has a mass of tendril-like protrusions below the cockpit, its extremities are connected by wire, its side-born engines glow yellow, etc.
      • Addressed.
    • "With supplies low, many starship operators began running supplies to the Tetan forces, including the Daragons in the Shadow Runner." This line is confusing, since its ambiguous whether "the Daragons" refers to the supply runners or the Tetan forces. I know which it is from context, but can you clarify it a bit?
      • Addressed.
    • Context for Aarbra.
      • I do give him context by saying that he owned Aarrba's Repair Dock.
    • "Now in possession of the Starbreaker 12, Gav and Jori Daragon did indeed become hyperspace trailblazers..." The "now in possession of the Starbreaker 12" part is redundant, since the previous paragraph tells us that they now had the ship.
      • Addressed.
    • Overall, Starbreaker 12 is repeated a bit too much. Can you replace every so often with "the ship" or "the Daragons' ship" or another synonym?
      • Addressed.
    • "The Starbreaker 12 was kept in Aarrba's hangar while the Daragons searched for the means to pay for its repairs." Again, the previous paragraph says exactly this, so there's no need to repeat it here.
      • Addressed;
    • Pronouns for the ship: In places you use it, in others you use she and her. I'm not sure what Wookieepedia policy is, but can you homogenize the usage in the article?
      • Addressed.
    • "Upon landing, however, the Daragons were promptly arrested by the natives." The previous sentence tells us they landed, so "upon landing" is unnecessary.
      • Addressed.
    • Context for Khar Delba.
      • Addressed.
    • "After this incident, the Starbreaker 12 was protected by Ludo Kressh and his personal guards in its Ziost holding bay." "After this incident" is redundant; the reader will assume events are chronological unless you say otherwise.
    • "cunning Dark Lord Naga Sadow." Cunning sounds POV.
      • Addressed.
    • "Kressh arrived at the scene after the Starbreaker 12 had been stolen, and initially thought that it was a Republic attack." Again, no need to repeat that the ship had been stolen.
      • I wasn't repeating the fact; I was simply placing Kressh's arrival in the context of previous events.
    • "Narrowly avoiding a catastrophic impact, Jori Daragon attempted to inform them of the Sith." The previous sentence tells us she avoided collision, so no need to repeat it here.
      • Addressed.
    • That's it. Good work! It's hard to make a ship article interesting IMO. ~ SavageBob 15:54, November 9, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Would it be possible to swap the placement of the second and third images as far as which one is left-justified and which one is right-justified? The one of the Daragons looking leftward would be better placed on the right of the page, as their gaze would then lead the viewer's eye into the text rather than away from it. Just a suggestion! ~ SavageBob 22:26, October 30, 2009 (UTC)

Inexpugnable-class tactical command ship

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Very impressive work, Taral.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:51, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. A quick glance, more to come…
    • I took a quick glance at the article, and I immediately noticed that in the intro, there are numerous references. These are not necessary, please omit them.
    • The Citeweb template should be used for most external references, such as reference 15. Here's a list of the templates.
    • More later. I like what I see, though…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:52, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Nayayen
    • I'm seeing quite a bit of info exclusive to the intro. "...at 3,100 meters long...", for example, should also be in the main body.
    • This is the same with the infobox. I don't see any mention of the price in the main body.
    • There is a LOT of overlinking throughout. Please go through the whole article and make sure that if something is linked, it is linked only ONCE in the intro, ONCE in the infobox, ONCE in each image caption and ONCE in the main body. Of course, if it only occurs in the main body then it doesn't need to be linked in the intro.
    • There is a wealth of information on Faraway Press that isn't in the article. The Bts would benefit greatly from this. You also should reference these as "John Jackson Miller's production notes for issue XX".
    • I see no mention of the fact that Haazen could control the Vanjervalis chain because he bought the company.
    • The history is not at all comprehensive enough, it is GA standard at best. Please look at a current ship class FA like TIE/sh shuttle for the sort of detail required. You may also find this GA helpful also.
      • I've tried adding some more. Will need to re-evaluate. I've been comparing it to the TIE/sh, whose history details mostly just events in which TIE shuttles took place. This history may be more detailed than it in some ways, but less detailed in other ways. Additional advice on this front would be greatly appreciated. Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:26, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
        • You're looking almost to detail the history of the ships of this class to the degree that it is in the intro for their own articles (of course, those articles aren't comprehensive so I'm not suggesting you do that). First, The Battle of Serroco could do with some more info (mainly from No.15), specific to Inexpugnables of course. Just more than a sentence at least. Secondly, some mention of the escape from Courageous in No.17 would be good. Finally, more detail of what happened with Swiftsure over Coruscant in No.31 as well. Just some more info that generally details the serving history of the class. Things along the line of those three points above should be ideal. I'll look through the article in detail after you've added this info. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 21:45, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
          • Thanks for the advice, and thanks for the help with the links, and I'll do as you suggest for the History. I actually have a funeral to attend this weekend out of town, so I won't be able to do much till Sunday (don't think I've abandoned it!). So I shall add all this extra info on Sunday/Monday. Will message you when I've put in those extras. Thanks for your help and understanding! Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 00:50, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • I didn't have to look too hard to find these problems. Don't be disheartened, Taral, but this article needs some major work. I will wait until you finish these to put more objections up, that last one will take a while.NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 22:35, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • I would really recommend removing all of those subheaders and merging all of the info in the Characteristics section under that main header. It doesn't seem like there's enough info on each specific part of the ship to balance the section aesthetically as a whole. CC7567 (talk) 05:31, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

Spar

  • Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 09:26, November 2, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I'm back, baby!

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 00:34, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote A crying shame of continuity expertly-handled -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 14:26, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Good job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:18, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Karen Traviss disapproves of this article:
    • In the intro: Context on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I.
    • Context on Dutchess Satine.
    • Context on Padme Amidala and Darth Sidious.
    • Context on Kal Skirata and Boba Fett.
      • I've given Padme the explanatory title, but I'd like to discuss all these as one. I feel that the intro is the place for brevity; it's the place for giving the short, pared down version of Spar's story. If people need further elaboration on what these characters are all about, they can click the links or read the rest of the article, which does provide all the context one needs for Spar.
    • Why did the Kaminoans call him Spar?
      • Dunno.
    • Quotes for the three bio sections?
      • That might be nice, but it's not required and I'd have to use terrible Traviss dialogue.
    • Context again on Cuy'val Dar and Slave I in the bio.
      • Cuy'val Dar is contextualized with "trainers". Slave I clarified.
    • In the intro, Cuy'val Dar is italicized but in the bio it is not. Which one is it supposed to be?
      • Should be italicized. Fixed.
    • Context on the Mandalorian deaths in the Battle of Galidraan? Did Spar participate in this battle? If not, how did he get word of it?
      • They died, the Jedi killed them. That's all explained, and pretty much all the context needed for the topic. Spar probably read about it or something; we just know he knew about it.
    • Context in the body on Sidious.
      • Added.
    • Why did the meeting end in an altercation between Sull and Jusik?
      • Clarified.
    • Why would Vel shoot him if she thought him to be her father?
      • Cause she's craaaaazy. I could get into the whole Vel/Fett relationship, but I think it better serves the focus of the article to leave it to their respective articles, since Spar would just be concerned with the "being shot" part.
    • P&T quote?
      • See above.
    • Canon-tastic. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 01:28, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Jinzler
    • Just one minor point: Spar bore a grudge against Jedi and started an altercation, which Spar attempted to break up. I'm assuming that there is a typo here and Spar didn't try to break up his own fight --Jinzler 12:03, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
      • Gah, should be Sull. Fixed. - Lord Hydronium 04:22, November 12, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Bolla Ropal

  • Nominated by: Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:43, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The first season two FAN. Sorry about that.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Looks solid to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:23, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 03:39, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Floyd McFloyd:

Comments

  • In response to your request on my talk page: everything from the novel is basically there. The only other detail that might be worth a mention is that only Windu and Unduli spoke; their views on rescuing Jabba's son are essentially the same as in the film (though of course, Unduli doesn't speak there). It's up to you whether you can fit it in or not. CC7567 (talk) 05:47, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
  • I went through each section and fixed typos. Trak Nar Ramble on 05:51, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
    • Thanks Trak. I was going through and realizing how many I had but you beat me to it. =PDarth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 06:13, November 3, 2009 (UTC)

Bozhnee sector

  • Nominated by: Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 10:19, November 3, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: From a single throwaway line in The DarkStryder Campaign, to a full blown sector thanks to Jason and Dan's work on the Essential Atlas.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Eyrezer:
    • "With the rise of the Galactic Empire in 19 BBY, Garnib came under their rule." When I first read this, I thought the "their" referred to the Vernol mentioned in the previous sentence. Can you adjust the wording to avoid this?
      • Changed "their" to "Imperial"
    • The connection between Picturion's victory and the Republic stripping the Ninth Quadrant is not clear. Was it that the infighting weakened the S-J?
      • It's not really explained, but it does seem to be a consequence of the infighting. Rewritten a little to hopefully clarify the matter.
    • "They could also absorb light to a limited degree and made them sensitive to the Force." Please reword.
      • Reworded. Hopefully it's clearer.
    • Could you add another sentence to the Description section regarding Belsavis - something about the settlements on the world being domed in volcanic valleys protected from the ice. --Eyrezer 00:51, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Thannor Keth

  • Nominated by:—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 16:10, November 6, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I sure know how to spin gold out of straw ;)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 04:06, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

  • This is my first cut-content article, so if there are any formalities/technicalities that I have overlooked, please advise.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 16:10, November 6, 2009 (UTC)

Zule Xiss

  • Nominated by:Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:05, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:This is another that sat on my back burner for quite some time.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. For any Fact File, you have to list exact pages that mention Zule. JangFett (Talk) 19:52, November 9, 2009 (UTC)
    • This is currently being worked on, as the Fact File note was left over from the original article. I'm trying to find out if this was true or not, and if it is, which one she was mentioned in.Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 21:34, November 9, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Assault on Epsilon Nine

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Comments

Battle of the Rishi moon

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Well done. --Xd1358 Talk 15:33, November 18, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Darth Trayus
    • The sentences in the first paragraph of the intro are short and choppy. Combine those that you can.
    • You use "Realizing" to start two consecutive sentences in the inro's second paragraph.
    • In the intro you say Rex realized the detonator didn't work, but in the body you say it's Hevy.
      • Changed the first one to Hevy, too, but I'll have to check with Jang to be sure that it was him. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • Mention the plunk droids somewhere in the Destroying the Base section.
    • Wouldn't the fleet battle be part of the battle as well and not the aftermath?
      • Well, that depends. Did it occur over the moon of Rishi? I was under the impression that it was elsewhere. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 01:53, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
        • Yeah it did. I think that needs to be made clear as well, as Grievous brought his fleet to the Rishi Moon following the commando droid's initial success.
          • Ok, hopefully addressed.
    • Is Rishi Station ever referred to as a base? If not you may want to change your section headings. It's nitpicky, yes, but more accurate.
    • Other than that all, it's a good, consise article. My only other suggestion would be to make your images larger, as they're already dark and hard enough to see anyway. Small sizes like the ones you have now simply defeat the purpose of having images in the first place.
    • Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 01:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Clone attack (most likely minor stuff until further notice)
    • Please remind me why Fives, Echo, and Hevy are listed as commanders when they hold no official rank. Also, if you're going to specifically list Hevy, O'Niner, and Cutup under the casualties, you're going to have to list all of the rest of them, which is not something I recommend trying to do. CC7567 (talk) 04:42, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Xd
    • "They came under attack from a Rishi eel, which killed Cutup before the other three clones were able to defeat it." Did they really defeat it? "Defeat" sounds like they killed it.
      • Addressed; thanks for the review. :) JangFett (Talk) 16:53, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
        • You may want to mention one of the clones warning the others before the eel arrived, and that one of the clones shot at the eel. --Xd1358 Talk 17:02, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Grievous, having lost contact with the droid commandos, dispatched a team of B1 battle droid reinforcements to investigate the disappearance of the droids in the listening post." There were Super battle droids as well, I think.

Comments

  • Shouldn't it be "Battle of the Rishi Moon," or "Battle of Rishi's Moon?"—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 16:22, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • "Battle of the Rishi Moon" currently redirects to this article. I'd say for better naming of the battle, this article should be called "Battle of the Rishi moon." An admin has to delete that redirect article so I can properly move "Battle of Rishi moon" to it. JangFett (Talk) 16:49, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
      • All done. :) Much thanks to GT for moving the article. JangFett (Talk) 17:04, November 15, 2009 (UTC)

Wee Dunn

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Is this the first FAN for a baby?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:31, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 10:13, November 20, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Raik Muun

  • Nominated by: Jinzler 15:34, November 13, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A crazy Dark Jedi

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. From the Council Chambers:
    • Since this article is based on RPG adventures, I think it needs {{RPG}} and {{Endgame}}, though I'm not sure.
    • "and was defeated when they were attacked by a group of Alderaanian Resistance agents.": "Defeated" is a bit unclear. Was she captured, killed, etc., or does the source just not give any more detail? This same issue is also in the last sentence of the bio.
    • "Muun then entered the cantina and walked over to a group of tough-looking people, who were sitting at a table near the door. She gave them a gesture that suggested that she wanted a fight, causing them to laugh at her.": After the first five words, the rest of this is a little too play-by-play and unnecessary.
    • "However, Master Kirlocca had hired a group of freelance agents known as the "Heroes of Cularin" to find Lawsirk": Is "Heroes of Cularin" an actual canonical name? If not, it should be pipelinked and the instances in the "Attack on the Luxury" section quote and later in that section should be reworded, as conjectural names are OOU.
    • "to try and delay the Heroes of Cularin from further interfering with her plans. In a further attempt to slow down the agents,": "Further" is repetitive.
    • Otherwise, looks good. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 02:08, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Jal Shey

  • Nominated by: Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:49, November 14, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Back after a prolonged hiatus to write a short FA. 1,064 words by my count. Atarumaster88 Jedi Order (Talk page) 04:49, November 14, 2009 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 02:29, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:49, November 20, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:43, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote We'll never know what she had planned for them... -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 01:04, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object

Comments

CT-26-1409

  • Nominated by: JangFett (Talk) 22:40, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Part three of my Rookies project. Goes along with my and Jug's Rishi moon battle FAN. :P

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Read it, and it's good.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
  2. --Xd1358 Talk 05:29, November 19, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Quick question before I get into it... why is that picture of Echo receiving his medal in that section? It's out of place both chronologically and aesthetically. Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 01:18, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • Yes, I know. Currently, I am asking JMAS if he could upload extra images for the article.
  2. Please find a better infobox image that does not make him look like he's come straight out of a poorly-colored painting. CC7567 (talk) 02:53, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Xd
    • "Soon after Echo entered the control room of the listening post, where he joined the other stationed rookie troopers." Did he enter the room. I thought he was there, reading the manuals or whatsoever.
      • No, Echo walked inside the command center in the beginning of the episode.
    • You should mention that CT-327 was the deck officer; otherwise it will sound like the droids killed him when 327 was in the station.
      • Keep in mind that too much detail will make it sound too pbp. However, I added "deck officer" before his name. :)
    • You should mention why Rex ordered the destruction of the station (cutting off the signal).
      • --Xd1358 Talk 15:46, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
        • That's all ready mentioned. See the second paragraph within the "Retaking the base" section. Thanks for the review.
          • Gah. I really should rewatch Rookies. Good work, Jang.

Comments

  • Added external link section and CUSWE link, Jang Hope you don't mind.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:48, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
    • No, that's fine. Thanks. :P JangFett (Talk) 22:50, November 17, 2009 (UTC)

Morseerian

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 06:44, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Eyrezer can't have all the four-armed species.

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Oh, so now I'll have to do a four-armed species. Got one in my sights. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 16:08, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 06:31, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Skippy has little to add
    • S&C: talking to strangers only when they wanted information from them. Can you replace "they" or "them" with "the Morseerians" or "the strangers"?
    • Hist: Seriously, can you explain exactly what's a client species and what the Drackmarians expected from the Morseerians in exchange of what? Specially about an individual Morseerian having an individual contract with an individual Drackmarian (Nabrun-Omogg).
    • In the galaxy: I think the description of Anakin could be improved if you added Ani's age: "an eight-year old slave named Anakin" (If he was 8 at that point ). But, it's your choice.
    • In the galaxy: The paragraph about pirates takes place in 32 BBY; it's followed by a paragraph talking about 33 BBY. Please consider switching them to follow a chronological order.
    • Go WP:A! Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:25, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the suggestions! I've changed everything you mention except Anakin's age; I suck at BBY math, and his birth year is given as some weird decimal construct. I won't be upset if someone else wants to add in that information. Other that that, I hope the article's up to snuff now. ~ SavageBob 16:01, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Similar to what I was after with Ranat, can you add a link to an image of the Morseerian-like guy on Aduba-3? --Eyrezer 21:13, November 27, 2009 (UTC)
    • Done! ~ SavageBob 22:56, November 27, 2009 (UTC)
      • Looks like it's probably the same guy. --Eyrezer 06:31, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Antares Draco

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo 08:38, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The dude punched Cade in the motha-kriffin' face!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Quick glance…
    • Please use the Cite web template for all external links.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 20:59, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
      • I've added five external links using that template --- let me know if they're OK. Menkooroo 04:23, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
        • I apologize, I also meant the references and notes.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
          • OK, I think I got it right this time. Menkooroo 15:36, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
            • Cool. Thanks for taking care of this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:09, November 29, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Shasa

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Started off as a baddie, but then was redeemed by Revan. Still falls under "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". Also first alien and female character nom. Killing two birds with one stone…

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Yay! Selkath Force adept charismatic leader! Now with scism! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:15, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Skippy has something to say:
    • Hist: Shasa and several other youths were tricked into joining Manaan's Sith Embassy after an Iridonian mercenary, who was hired by the Sith, lured the youth in the Sith's Embassy Let me see: The Iridonian merc lured Sasha and other youth into the Embassy. So this did not happen before Sasha and the youth were tricked into the Embassy because it's the same event. Maybe I'm wrong but, could you please reword this?
    • Hist: Galas first mention is when he wants to leave the Sith. Please, mention him before this point - specifically, mention Galas when talking about Shasa's childhood, and talk about the token that Revan would use as a proof. Chronologically, the history could use an autonomous paragraph about her childhood.
      • I did expand it to three parargaphs, rather than two. Please try it.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • Hist: Did Galas join when Sasha did, or before her, or after her? Mention Galas whenever he joins the Sith.
    • Hist: The Sith told Sasha that she and the Selkath could leave whenever they wanted to, but it was a lie. Galas tried to leave. The Sith killed him and told Sasha he had gone. This is important in her history.
    • Hist: I remember the game. If Revan canonically entered the Embassy on behalf of Shaelas, then Shaelas actively looked for help for his daughter. This is, I think, important enough to be mentioned: Shaelas was worried about Shasa.
    • Hist/Legacy: I think some of the articles by Wizards talk about the Selkath having a greater % of Force-sensitive individuals than other species; this should be mentioned when Sasha feels that "Force-sensitive Selkath needed proper training"
      • I'l look into it. The only thing that come close to what you're saying is in Part 3 of Manaan: Depths of History. It says, "Considering the small population of natives left on the planet, they have discovered a surprising number of candidates, which serves to reinforce the Order's belief that the Selkath have been chosen by the Force for greatness." Should I add this info?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • P&T: However, she sought advice from a Jedi she trusted or from a Force-based tradition with a good reputation, such as the Jal Shey, if darksiders started to advance through her Order's ranks or influenced new members of the Order. Did she? I seem to remember the OS said she could resort to the other traditions if she needed help, as a hook for RPG adventures, but I don't remember a specific precedent of her really resorting to the Jal Shey.
      • Yes, the KotOR Campaign Guide states this.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:41, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • P&A: No way. She did not sense the call of her ancestors (the people she descended from), but a power called Call of the Progenitor, named after a local beast that the Selkath believed to be their evolutive forefather — something that, as far as I know, canon has neither confirmed or refuted. Besides, this power is only Christened after the Progenitor, and it could be unrelated to him in a strict way. Reword, and context for Progenitor.
      • The information on the article was based off the description for the power in the KotOR campaign guide. The web enchacement for the guide which gives more details on Shasa also says she used "Progenitor's Call".--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:58, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • Except for that little things, great article. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:09, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

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Uthar Wynn

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Falls under "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR".

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  1. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:55, November 25, 2009 (UTC)

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  1. Skippy has something to say here, too
    • Footnote 6 (first of BtS) gives some strange error.
    • a "full" Sith. "Inverted commas" are not liked in FA's; could you replace them? If it's a direct quotation, you could say "becoming what Wynn called a full Sith"; otherwise, they must be removed altogether.
    • to kill Selene, the woman that accompanied Dustil at the Academy. Selene has been given context before; you can remove the last part.
    • Unfortunately for Wynn, Revan sided with Ban, having befriended her. Enraged, Wynn went on the attack Again: You've just said that they were friends. Besides: "the" attack? What attack? "Sided with Ban" can easily be understood as merely not attacking her and walking to her side; you should specify whether Revan and/or Ban initiated an attack against Wynn.
    • P&T: I guess we do not know when did Wynn tattoo himself: Before becoming headmaster, as a consequence of it...
      • No, nothing is known about this…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • P&T: First mention to Thalia May and the renegade students. Shouldn't they be mentioned in the Bio? Same for the rogue assassin droid.
      • I don't know. If I add these instances, I have to add every quest that Revan undertook on Korriban, for 100% game completion. These are relevant in the P&T section, since it explains how Wynn is gullible. Please advise.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:53, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • No more to come. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:11, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Sha Koon

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:49, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A short break from "Project: Bad Guys of KotOR". This was fun to work on…

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  1. Xd
    • You say that the battle of the planet Bal'demnic take place in 19 BBY, and you source it to the databank entry. I read it through, and there's no mention of the year.--Xd1358 Talk 17:55, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
      • <Slaps head> No source anywhere for the date. Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:16, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

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Battle of Bothawui (Great Galactic War)

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  1. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:08, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

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  1. Seeing as you refer to the First Battle of Bothawui (Great Galactic War), a prelude to this, should this article not be moved to Second Battle of Bothawui (Great Galactic War)? That redirects to this article for some reason at the moment. Otherwise, s'all good. NayayenOld Republic military symbol(talk) 16:41, November 25, 2009 (UTC)
    • I intentionally moved this article to just the plain old Battle of Bothawui because it's explicitly referred to as simply the Battle of Bothawui in the source. Its also kind of a Battle of Geonosis situation. Just because there are now two doesn't mean that the one that is cannonically named gets a new title. Thanks for the question though! Darth Trayus Sith Emblem (Trayus Academy) 05:14, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Battle of Kirrek (Great Hyperspace War)

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

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  1. Inqvote Good ol' WP:TOTJ. Gotta love it.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 00:47, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

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  1. Blacklist:

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Trial of Ulic Qel-Droma

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

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  1. Heh heh, sweet…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:50, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote The phone is back and better than ever. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 21:38, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote -- —Harrar (Cut the comm chatter) 00:47, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Pasta!
    • "Qel-Droma's final offense…" What were the earlier 'offenses?' Just clarify that the Republic was keeping score.
    • Actually, that's it. Nice work, Tommy. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 03:07, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
      • Addressed. Thanks for the review, Master Aban. Please advise if anything further is required.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 04:10, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Currently working on obtaining better scans for the images that need them.—Tommy9281 Dark side Master SWGTCG (No truth in me) 05:39, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Battle of Koros Major

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