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  17. …pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
  18. …counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

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  2. Afterwards, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
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  6. Once the minimum nomination period has passed, an article that has achieved the required number of supporting votes and has no outstanding objections will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." A nomination will be considered successful if one of the following criteria is met:
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    • three supporting Inquisitor votes, plus four additional supporting votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week; or
    • seven supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least two days.
  7. Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Also remember to add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the {{Featured}} template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the {{Featured article}} template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for a month will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.



Featured article nominations

Darth Caedus

  • Nominated by: Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Over a year later, it's finally done. It'll probably take that long to pass, too. Havac 04:09, October 9, 2009 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote On the proviso the FF get added --Eyrezer 06:44, April 25, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Seems fine to me Lele Mj New Jedi Order (Holoprojetor) 23:38, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Thefourdotelipsis 23:16, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote I've been through this twice now doing my usual linking and spelling and formatting checks, and it reads about as cleanly as any other FREAKING HUGE ARTICLE. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 00:37, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:25, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Timeline
    • The section "still the student" reads: "He did not leave immediately, however. He spent some time instructing other Jedi, among them Nelani Dinn, whom he trained in lightsaber combat." This seems to suggest that he instructed Nelani before he set out on his journey, although Betrayal claims that this occurred in 33 ABY. It's a bit confusing as it currently reads.
      • Betrayal's statement that it was "seven years ago" that he trained her is an artifact of Betrayal's original setting in 37 ABY; after it was removed, some time references had to be rewritten and this one wasn't caught. The same rewrite was responsible for the mixup saying Zekk was younger than Jaina; one of their ages got corrected but not the other. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • I know that, but the sentence, as it currently reads, still seems to imply that he instructed Nelani before he left, which hasn't been established in canon, and is thus conjecture. The "seven years ago" statement is really a currently unresolved continuity issue, and I think it warrants a note in "Behind the scenes", just as in Nelani Dinn's article. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
          • Well, it implies that because that's obviously the situation. We know there's a timing error; we know that if we read it as a leftover mistake, it makes sense; we know if we read it as correct it makes no sense (Jacen is randomly heading back to train random Jedi in lightsaber technique, but refuses to see his parents even though he misses them?). It's a mistake, pure and simple. Just like all the stuff that's supposedly twenty years ago in Patterns of Force; we know it's not because it doesn't make sense and the book is riddled with timeline errors. It's a good idea to note it in the BTS, though, and I've done that.
            • Awesome. Really well-done paragraph in BTS. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Also, what's the basis for claiming that Jacen didn't set out on his journey until 30 ABY? Is it the consistent use of "five-year journey" in post-NJO novels? Even with that in mind, it still seems like conjecture on your part, unless it's been explicitly stated that he waited a year to leave.
      • It's the five-year journey bit, yes. It would be conjecture for me to say he left right away and all the other sources calling it five years were wrong on the assumption or inference that he had to have left in a matter of days right after TUF. Though that seems to be the vague assumption that the material kind of forwarded by not explicitly saying he hung around a while before leaving, other than the thing with Nelani, it's only a vague inference whereas the more specific references tell explicitly against it. I'm just working with what canon established. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • Maybe source the "30 ABY" in that sentence, and make a note of it in the reference? A note establishing that the novel(s) sourced indicate it was a five-year journey. That would clear up confusion, and make it clear to everyone that it's bsaed on in-novel statements and is not conjecture. Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
          • It's already sourced to The Joiner King, which establishes that it was a five-year journey that ended in 35 ABY. There's not really any more sourcing needed -- if anything that might be questioned as "is that an inference or a guess or right in the text?" had to get sourced and noted, there would be twenty refs saying "No, that's in there," in each paragraph. I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's really necessary or practical. Havac 20:18, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
            • Yeah, you're right. For completeness's sake, I'd suggest adding in a couple more sources immediately after "Jacen set out in 35 ABY" (other novels which call it a five-year journey), but that's just a preference of mine, not a requirement. Cheers. Menkooroo 20:36, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Ditto claiming that he visited the Baran Do Sages in 34 ABY --- Outcast states that he visited them near the end of his journey, but does it actually explicitly state that it was in 34 ABY? If not, then 34 ABY seems like conjecture based on the idea of The Joiner King taking place at the very beginning of 35 ABY.
      • The Baran Do, in 43 ABY, say he visited them nine years ago. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
        • My mistake! Menkooroo 19:01, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • Some image captions end in punctuation while others don't.
      • Those which are complete sentences end in punctuation; those that aren't don't. Image caption policy. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm pretty nitpicky about timeline things, but a very well-done and extensively researched article with a fantastic use of images. Excellent job, Havac. Menkooroo 03:09, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • Thank you. Havac 05:24, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
    • The fourth paragraph of "Deep doubts" reads: "When five beetles menaced a pair of vulnerable Vors, however, he was forced to kill. More beetles were drawn to his lightsaber, forcing him to throw it away and run." I think it's worth mentioning that it was Droma who convinced him to throw the lightsaber. Droma was part of the expedition, and was the one who realized that they were attracted to light sources. Menkooroo 20:56, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
      • You just love Droma, don't you Jeff? I've added in a mention. Havac 01:44, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
        • Damn right I do. But I also did legitimately feel like the paragraph was incomplete. Feel the Ryn love! Menkooroo 03:46, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Why do I sometimes drop into the FAN page for some ultimately minor and random objection?
    • Maybe mention somewhere his preference of darker coloured clothing/furnishings during his time as Sith Lord? I believe his GA office was almost completely black, as were his robes and weird armor-ish stuff he wore underneath. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 08:35, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
      • I've added a notation on the clothes, which is a good catch. I can't find anything about the office. If you come up with a quote, let me know. Havac 23:21, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
        • I'm pretty sure it was somewhere, possibly in early FOTJ or LOTF, but I can't be sure. Never mind then, and apologies for not attending to this objection earlier. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 04:22, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Me again.
    • Hey Hav, could you add something to Bts about his action figure.? Miniatures too if you want to, links here. and here..
      • I actually took care of this under the Sofixit clause. I'm leaving my below question, though, as I think it might actually be a policy that individual issues need to be referenced, and not story arcs. Although I could be confusing it with a similar but different policy. I'd take care of it myself, but I'm trade-waiting for Invasion. Menkooroo 12:06, January 11, 2010 (UTC)
        • It was a good writeup, but I've moved the paragraph for minor layout purposes, and I've cut out the Miniatures information, as it's not particularly notable for a major EU character to have minis and so doesn't really merit a writeup. The action figure stuff is noteworthy, though. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • You've cited a few story arcs in Legacy and Invasion --- can you source the individual issues? For example, what's currently reference #104 is a link to Star Wars Legacy: Vector --- how do you feel about changing it to Star Wars Legacy 31: Vector, Part 12? Menkooroo 14:07, December 26, 2009 (UTC)
      • I don't source to issues, for a couple reasons. One is that it's too small a thing to cite to -- it creates a clutter of citations for small increments of a story, like citing chapters in a book. The other is that the story isn't presented for posterity in issue form -- it's collected in story form in trades. So there's no way for most people to even know what issue anything is from. And there's no rule requiring citation by issue, because of those limitations. Havac 05:38, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
        • Ah, cool. I must have been mixing it up with a different policy. Also, I'd give the article a full review, but I'll be reading YJK relatively soon (I swear!) and naturally want to be unspoiled. Menkooroo 07:15, January 17, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Eyrezer:
    • "Left once more in torture which ceased only when the Embrace of Pain had pushed him to his absolute limits and had to allow him to recover." This sentence seems incomplete. Is it meant to lead in to the following sentence? --Eyrezer 02:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • Reworded. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Solo was deeply worried about his vision, and used a Fallanassi memory rub to suppress Skywalker's memories that he had been on Hapes, traveling to Endor and spending time camping in order to lead his apprentice to believe that they had gone on the Endor trip exactly as planned." What do you mean by the bit after "on Hapes"? Is it replacing them with memories of going to Endor, or did they actually go? --Eyrezer 12:57, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • Clarified. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • "a man held several individuals hostage at gunpoint, and had another man and high explosives strapped to his back." Should this be "with high explosives strapped to his back"? --Eyrezer 23:43, April 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • No, he had both high explosives and a man strapped to his back. I've clarified it. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • You also seem to be missing some links/sources from WotC, such as this one. Some of the Jedi Counseling too. --Eyrezer 01:14, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
      • I've added that one and a few more. But I can't see the point of adding a dozen Q&As about a Jacen mini's vitality points or whether he can be used in a squad with Jaina -- it's purely gameplay mechanics. They're not talking about the character; they're talking about a minifigure. It's like including every Hasbro shipping manifest with Luke's name on it in his article. I don't believe we include Jedi Counseling. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • You also have no Fact Files listed as sources,ie 118. I also suspect there must be more Insider articles that mention Jacen, such as 20 Most Memorable Moments of the Expanded Universe, The 100 Greatest Things About Star Wars... Ever!, and The New Jedi Order in 100 Easy Lessons. He also has entries in the second and third editions of A Guide to the Star Wars Universe. --Eyrezer 01:34, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll ask Jaymach about Fact Files, but I can't possibly know every single Insider article that mentions him. Unless someone brings me something with him in it, I can't prove the negative that no article has something about him, and it's not like we include every single namecheck of a character in a wholly OOU article anyway. If someone can point out something specific that includes Jacen and either includes actual information or is about IU reality, I'll add it. GTTSWU is added, too. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
        • The idea of those Insider articles is that they point to his OOU notability. Can you add something to the Bts based on 20 Most Memorable Moments of the Expanded Universe and The 100 Greatest Things About Star Wars... Ever!? It could fit nicely near the part where you say he is among relatively few from the Expanded Universe to receive his own action figure. Galaxy of Intrigue has a whole section on him re the GAG too, although nothing particularly notable. --Eyrezer 23:31, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
          • I've gone through GOI, and yeah, nothing to add. I've also added 20 Most Memorable Moments in, and am still looking for a copy of 100 Greatest Things. Havac 04:00, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • There is also some info from The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett you should add. --Eyrezer 02:00, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added. Havac 06:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Nayayen
    • Target from birth: "they were nearly captured before Mara Jade intervened" Context on Mara Jade?
      • Added. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • It isn't obvious what the Galaxy gun is capable of (and, hence, why they needed to escape).
      • Well, it's got "gun" in the name and the station was targeted with it. What more do you need to know? Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • (just after the image of Kun) "Organa Solo succeeded in rescuing Anakin" I had to read back up the article to see why/where she was rescuing him. "from the Imperial Remnants" and/or "from Anoth" would probably do.
      • It's in the last paragraph, but fine. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • "creation of the Imperial Remnant again sent the adult Solos and Chewbacca scrambling" Again should be moved here because I suspect it is the Solos scrambling that has happened again, rather than the Remnant being created again, although I don't know to be sure.
      • This "again sent them scrambling". The adverb again is modifying the verb it's next to, sent, and not the subject, creation, well up the sentence. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • The Empire Reborn: What's a hold-father? I (despite being reasonably knowledgeable as a Wookieepedian) had to click the link to find out what a few words could have said.
      • But that's why there's a link. The article can't be a dictionary entry on every word Jacen comes in contact with. You don't see an encyclopedia going out of its way to define "godfather" every time it comes up in another article. And what can I really say? "Hethrir claimed to be Jacen's hold-father, the Star Wars universe equivalent of a godfather"? There's no real way to concisely define it; the term relies entirely on the intuitive link to the fact that it's a stand-in for a godfather. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • You use "spirited away" near the end of each of the first two paragraphs which seems a bit repetitive (or maybe that's because I'm thinking of the film every time I read it =D).
      • Good catch. Changed up. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • "she had Winter take them to Anoth for the duration of the crisis" Did they actually do anything while they were there? I don't know most of the source material so I'm not actually sure, I assume not though.
      • No, that's the extent of it. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • "and once more sneaked onto the landing above the living room" When did they sneak up there before?
      • When they noticed Mara Jade. I added that. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • "announced its control of the mysterious "starbuster" superweapon" I can only guess from reading Betrayal that this is Centerpoint Station but it is not at all obvious here.
      • Well, they didn't know that it was Centerpoint either. They learn that later. At the moment, it's just a mysterious superweapon. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
        • Just because they don't know that it is Centerpoint doesn't mean the reader shouldn't. It isn't obvious that the "mysterious "starbuster" weapon" is Centerpoint. I think a link to Centerpoint here would be beneficial (keeping the second link). NAYAYEN:TALK 07:46, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
          • Linked. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'll continue with "Jedi Training" later. Only 7 more of the 8 massive sections to go... NayayenTALK 13:55, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review. Havac 05:47, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • Student of the force: "Outside, they found that a massive beast had emerged from the jungle" Link for the "massive beast"?
      • To what? There's no article, and the book doesn't say what it is. It's just some beast. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
        • Sorry, I didn't know that it wasn't identified in the book. NAYAYEN:TALK 10:36, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • Temptation at the shadow academy: "Solo hit upon the idea of using his Corusca gem, still secreted in his boot" When did he hide it in his boot. This is the only time boot appears in the whole article.
      • That's the idea. He gets his gem, he's captured, and his gem is in his boot. That way we don't break up his capture with play-by-play about him fiddling with his shoes when you can just as easily introduce the fact when it becomes relevant. I took out "still" so it's clearer. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • The search for Bornan Thul: "They were saved by the intervention of Raabakyysh" And he was there why?
      • Clarified, though Kevin J. Anderson does not deign to make his books make much sense. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • Making peace: "the ship narrowly avoided several mines." Can you clarify at this point that the mines weren't some part of the race to make it more interesting?
      • Clarified. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • "The woman introduced herself as Anja Gallandro . . . systems in the area had killed Gallandro." Who is the second Gallandro? Her father? Also, it isn't clear which one gets killed and is then being referred to later. You can probably do this with the "daughter of an accomplished gunfighter" sentence.
      • The second Gallandro is her father, the gunfighter Han Solo killed. Thus the male pronoun, the link, the fact that this Gallandro ends up dead, which is the complaint of the person of the opposite sex who's still there, etc, etc. This is the clearest possible way to do it without trying to tack a bunch more clauses into the sentence. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • Battling Black Sun: "and Gallandro's addiction, suggested that her destination was Kessel." Why would her addiction suggest Kessel?
      • Spelled out. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • Not quite so many in this section but don't forget that last objection of mine earlier. NAYAYEN:TALK 13:28, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Just a few bits of odd phrasing:
    • “Feeling Rhysode's battle in the Force, Solo rushed from the pool to help him, but was cut off by Vergere. She insisted that if he went to the other Jedi's aid, both would die. He must honor Rhysode's sacrifice by escaping with his life.”
      • Fixed. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • “Kre'fey's forces continued to make experience-building raids on relatively weak Yuuzhan Vong targets, building experience for two months.”
    • Still reading, though... Thefourdotelipsis 01:05, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  7. A Pound of Flesh:
    • "it became clear that Zekk had been recruited by the Shadow Academy, a Force-sensitive whom the twins had never even suspected." Who was the Force-sensitive you speak of, the Shadow Academy? Please clarify.
      • Awkwardly-placed appositive relocated. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • "A branch had given way and plunged Chewbacca lower, breaking his leg. She had been visited by Zekk, who warned her away from the academy, claiming it would be struck soon, before departing." Not sure who the "she" is of whom you are speaking, since the preceding sentence is about Chewbacca.
      • Clarified. Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • "One, piloted by the Lost Ones leader Norys, relentlessly pursued the Lightning Rod back into atmosphere—where Norys was shot down by Qorl, who was leading the TIE assault on the Praxeum, for insubordination and disobedience." For whose insubordination and disobedience? The Praxeum's? Please clarify.
      • Norys was shot down by Qorl (appositive on Qorl) for insubordination and disobedience. What's not clear? Havac 05:46, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • More coming, up to "The Diversity Alliance."Tommy 9281 15:26, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • The use of "Solo" to describe Jaina in the last few portions of the bio is genuinely confusing, given that the vast majority of the article prior to that uses "Jaina," and "Solo" in turn for Jacen. In those few instances, just for the sake of clarity, it would be better to stick with Jaina. Thefourdotelipsis 09:33, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Gelesi

  • Nominated by: NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:22, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I have to at least try this one once more.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. NAYAYEN:TALK 07:16, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. You need to add the fact that he received an entry in the CSWE, in the BTS.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:43, February 25, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Getting my foot back in the door…"
    • There has to be a better descriptor for Iziz than "a major city on Onderon." It's the only city on Onderon, for starters.
      • Fixed.
    • No time frame is given for Gelesi in the intro.
      • Added.
    • There are no specifications of rank for Sullio and Gelesi in the intro despite the game dialogue being pretty obvious about it all.
      • Done.
    • Specification that it was the entire planet's allegiance in question in the intro is required.
      • Implanted.
        • Not really, it still reads as though the people themselves want to be loyal or secede; not for the planet itself. Graestan(Talk) 01:23, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • The "Battle of Onderon" should be a pipelink; the game doesn't outright call it that.
      • Re-linked. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 23:14, March 5, 2010 (UTC)
        • Actually, there's no link, and I think there should be one. Graestan(Talk) 01:23, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Get back to me soon! Graestan(Talk) 14:58, March 3, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Pure fluff: "An in-game system that keeps track of the players responses, if the player chooses kinder options the player earns light side "points," if the player chooses aggressive or otherwise cruel actions the player earns dark side "points" and more neutral expressions earn no points either way." Graestan(Talk) 01:25, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Sorry, remnant from the last draft. Removed. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 04:28, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Nayayen
    • "Because her meeting with Kavar—a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who had gone into hiding due to the Triumvirate's crusade—was interrupted by an attack by Vaklu's men because Kavar was a high-ranking Royalist, the Exile rushed to escape the planet." Can this be reworded so that it doesn't use "because" twice in the same sentence? It sounds clunky in its current state so it might be worth splitting it.
      • Done.
    • There was a confrontation in the palace, then what? Did it succeed? What happened to Vaklu? A sentence or two for this info wouldn't go amiss.
    • Not an objection but the infobox image could do with a better quality version. I'd do it but I've not got a save game near that part so you might want to ask Redemption or Culator. Not too bad otherwise. NAYAYEN:TALK 22:00, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Pah-sta!
    • As a note, I trimmed a lot of stuff from the introduction that was completely irrelevant. Please remember to keep it light in the introduction. Some context is needed, but what had been there was way too much. Next time, I will simply object and wait as long as it takes to become satisfactory.
    • "Gelesi lived in Iziz, the walled city of the planet Onderon, with his wife and four-year-old daughter." In order to say that the daughter was four, there needs to be a time qualifier. What year or timeframe?
    • "In 3,951 BBY…" Proper source, please? Use a footnote if connections are being drawn, but neither KotOR nor TSL are acceptable sources for this.
      • This is still not fixed.
    • What does the em dash clause about Bostuco and Riiken have to do with anything?
    • Sullio should be introduced before the captains. Otherwise, it is irrelevant information.
    • "Gelesi was shaken by the murder of Captain Sullio, as he was also unwillingly given her post, and became paranoid, afraid he would suffer the same fate." Run-on-ish. Please make this flow better as complete thoughts and two sentences.
    • "Though the murderer was never caught, his fears proved to be unfounded." I am not sure how to address this, as it is a hard one. His fears were unfounded in the game; nothing says anything about after the coup. Please tweak this to make it sound less speculative without implicating the timeframe of the game.
    • "…after it had involved the planet in several wars in the years prior." Please place this elsewhere, as placing it here seems like you are lobbying against her views by saying 'she still did this even though yada-yada happened.'
      • "Costly" and the general tone strikes of a non-neutral POV.
        • Removed "costly" Added a sentence on the Royalists. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Many believed…" Many? That is highly POVish and furthers my last point. What says that numerical qualifier?
    • Please simplify the sentence about Vaklu's supporters so it is not so compounded. Also, while we are in there… what says 'Vakluist?' I cannot find that anywhere in the game. In what scene and/or dialog, if any, can it be found?
      • Made Vaklu his own sentence, removed Vakluist (Good catch). NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • "In actuality, however, the Hawk was attacked by the Onderon Military in order to frame the ship, and by association the Republic, for starting the conflict." What does this have to do with Gelesi? It seems like an apologist's POV.
    • "…as he was fiercely loyal to the queen but acknowledged the Vakluist view that the Republic was unnecessarily dragging Onderon to war with them." The "unnecessarily" needs context. There was a sentence about this from the intro that was excised that would apply nicely here.
      • Swapped the sentences. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • In the last bio paragraph, please jettison the em dash clause about the visas. Make that part of a regular sentence and talk about the Exile next. Also, this needs a touch of context as to when he was assigned this job, etc.
    • "…owned by the Jedi Exile, a former Jedi Knight who was searching the galaxy for Jedi Masters to help her in her quest to stop an organization of Sith, that had already virtually succeeded in eliminating the Jedi Order." I suggest breaking this up. Anything about the Sith or Jedi is irrelevant except that they were using both factions as pawns in the war. This does need to be marginally addressed so that the info is useful. That said, do not belabor it.
    • "Her meeting with Kavar—a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who had gone into hiding due to the Triumvirate's crusade—was interrupted by a group of soldiers entering the cantina." How Kavar fits into this is not clear at this point. Make this clear as it is important. Again, however, do not overdo it.
    • To summarize where this is going: Please clear out the first half of the third biography paragraph. The whole bit about the Exile seems like it is too much and irrelevant. The bit about the cantina skirmish, running, whatever.… please simplify it. The first time we see something that directly pertains to Gelesi is in the penultimate sentence. Unless it is important to him how the war escalated, it is all unnecessary.
    • "Once inside, they met up with Gelesi…" Please express this from Gelesi's angle. State that he joined when it escalated, or something. Right now it is a throw-in on an Onderon Civil War article, not a statement about Gelesi on his article.
    • "…overall neutral officer…" It is said above that he was a loyalist who sympathized with some anti-Republic sentiments, so this is inaccurate. Above it says he was ambivalent, not neutral.
    • "He had always wondered…" Always? Check POV.
      • He said he'd "always wondered." NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 02:27, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
        • That's like my niece saying she's always liked Sesame Street. It's an idiomatic phrase. Soften it so that it is less of a POV blunder and more contextual.
          • Well, my niece has "always liked" Sesame Street :P Changed. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • "The stress of the job made him feel like he was being targeted all the time and even a bit paranoid in his own opinion." This does not quite make sense and seems to be inaccurate. Please verify these things and the wording of them.
      • It is accurate. I've changed the wording a bit.
    • "Gelesi's face is actually one of the faces" Where does this come from? What can be used to verify this? Right now it is all conjecture.
      • I'm not sure what you mean. It is clearly the face from KotOR1. Do you want me to source it directly to that game? I'd assumed it was self-sourcing due to the mention of the game. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 02:27, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
        • Pardon any unintended snarkiness, but… really? Where is the source that says that the file is recycled? If that is not possible, clearly illustrate that they are somehow exact; please cite the two exact images that are pulled from each source so that it can be verified. A lot of the faces in TSL look like faces in KotOR. That doesn't mean they are the same. I know I'm splitting hairs, here, but the whole bunk of self-sourcing is not a shield to toss in any type of circumstantial information behind. Cite it or eliminate it. Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:03, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • Okay, that is all for now. Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:04, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
    • Wait, one more. Nothing from Prima at all? Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 02:05, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
      • I asked about that the first time I nominated him. Nothing new. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 02:27, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Stuff and nonsense
    • "Gelesi was a Human male military officer who lived in Iziz, the capital and only city on planet Onderon," - Do we need to know that it's the only city on Onderon? This isn't repeated in the body, and just sorta clutters that opening sentence unnecessarily.
    • Basically, there's a ton of detail and context here that isn't directly relevant to Gelesi at all. It needs to be cut down. This mostly pertains to the second and third paragraphs of the biography. For instance, we don't need to know that the Exile fought her way up the ramp, or that she was interrupted by Colonel Tobin, or that the Ebon Hawk was framed by Vaklu or whatever. It's not directly relevant. Thefourdotelipsis 23:30, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Eyrezer:
    • "was interrupted by a group of soldiers entering the cantina." What cantina?
    • You should also mention prior to this his new habit of dealing with stress by visiting the cantina.
    • "y the time the Exile returned, after receiving word that Kavar had been trying to contact her, Onderon had fallen into full-scale civil war between the Royalists and separatist factions. The Exile was asked to take a military command of the Royalist forces and pressed across the Sky Ramp, a walkway to the Iziz Royal Palace, fighting her way to the top of the ramp alongside Bostuco and his men to defend the queen. Once inside, they met up with Gelesi, who was among the Royalist soldiers who fought against Vaklu's militarized allies and defeated the insurgents." This is all written from the perspective of the Exile, not Gelesi. You need to rewrite this section to avoid this.
    • Can we get an action shot of Gelesi? Perhaps fighting on the bridge? --Eyrezer 07:27, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Operation: Knightfall

  • Nominated by: NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 02:36, February 24, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Same reason as Gelesi

(0 Inqs/1 Users/0 Total)

Support

  1. Good article. Coruscantfan 03:29, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Needs info from Star Wars Purge: Seconds to Die.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:59, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Image for the prelude? Kreivi Wolter 10:04, April 3, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added one of Anakin and Palpy at the opera. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 04:40, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
  3. The section at the end of the prelude where the transfer of the 501st is mentioned needs to be reworded. The timeline of events doesn't flow as well as it could. It seems confusing and could come across as in conflict with the movie at first glance. Good job keep it up! Coruscantfan 00:13, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'm not sure what you mean by a problem with the timeline flow. Vader was coronated, told to go to the Temple for Knightfall with the 501st being assigned to him, then Order 66 was given; in that order. Neither does it conflict with the movie because the clones taking part during the movie were the 501st, per SWBF2. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:46, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
      • Sorry let me clarify. The way its written makes it sound like the 501st was transferred from Utapau after Order 66 came down in which case it would be in conflict since they were already there waiting to march on the Jedi Temple when the actual order was given. My suggestion is you rewrite that part of the section or just the sentence to say that "The troopers of the 501st Legion had been transferred to Coruscant..." I know it seems minor but it would make the section flow better. I have to say you have done a very good job with this article!! Keep it up. Coruscantfan 02:14, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
        • No, Vader was given his orders then Order 66 was given moments after. The 501st were sent concurrently with the former event or at the same time 66 was given. The 501st were therefore physically transferred after 66 was in full swing (i.e. the Jedi deaths montage), arriving that night, just before the assault. Skywalker then killed Jurokk and they marched. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 02:49, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
          • Actually (This part of the movie came on TV just now) Order 66 was given as Skywalker and the 501st walked up the steps of the Jedi Temple. I do have to make a small shange to the article to account for that, but everything except the placement of 66 is correct per the movie. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 02:59, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
            • Ok, well it looks better now. I think the problem was that you were making a distinction between Vader's personal orders and Order 66 which makes sense but I wasn't thinking along those lines. Article looks great, good job. Coruscantfan 03:23, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Things and such
    • "Operation: Knightfall, which took place in 19 BBY immediately before the end of the Clone Wars between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems," - Extraneous exposition and context. Since you're using the Clone Wars as a framing and dating device, you don't need to explain it.
    • "After assisting in the death of Jedi Master Mace Windu and submitting to Dark Lord of the Sith and Supreme Chancellor of the Republic Palpatine's teachings, the newly anointed Darth Vader—formerly a Jedi Knight—and the clone troopers of the 501st Legion stormed the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, initiating a massacre concurrent with the activation of Order 66, a galaxy-wide hunt of the Jedi by their former clone comrades." - This sentence needs to be broken up and rejigged a bit, for readability and flow.
    • The intro itself feels a bit lopsided; half of it is about the aftermath instead of the battle itself.
    • "The Knight was shocked by this revelation and he fled to the Jedi Temple to inform Jedi Master Mace Windu, who immediately alerted the Temple and took a squad of Masters to apprehend him." - This reads oddly, namely the "immediately alerted the Temple," part. I would have said "those present at the Temple," but I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "alerted" in this case.
    • The first paragraph of the "The battle" is too play-by-play, and should be cut down.
    • There might be just a little bit too much detail on Koon's movements.
      • Cut out parts about Plo and Palpatine. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 21:02, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • If you're going to specify the Jedi by their in-game class types, you should link to them. But since those were TC'd long ago (I think,) I'd suggest not mentioning the class types, and just referring to them colloquially as Jedi Knights or whatever.
      • Removed. Apparently Chee said the classes were non-canon. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 21:02, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
        • Good, although there are still a few mentions of the classes in the infobox and the body. Thefourdotelipsis 00:01, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • Were the Jedi interceptors trying to flee? As far as I can recall, the fighters move to attack the anti-aircraft gun.
    • The murder of the younglings in the High Council Chamber is sourced to the game... does it actually show that? I can't remember if it's mentioned in the text or not, but it's not ringing any bells.
    • Palpatine visiting the temple to congratulate Vader might be relevant.
    • Much of the "Jedi Casualties" section is redundant.
    • There's only scant detail on the actual clone occupation of the Jedi Temple, and next to no detail on how much damage was actually inflicted on the temple itself. There's probably a lot of juice detail in the second Jedi Temple mission of the ROTS game for that kind of stuff. Thefourdotelipsis 11:47, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
      • It'll take me some time to get my hands on the game again, I'll deal with those objections when I can. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 21:02, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
        • No problem. And if it looks as though you've addressed the objections and I haven't struck after a while, feel free to give me a nudge on my talk page. Thefourdotelipsis 00:01, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I tweaked with the images a bit; hope you don't mind. -- 1358 (Talk) 18:54, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Not at all. I'm terrible with images. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 21:30, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Trial of Tycho Celchu

  • Nominated by:--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 23:29, February 26, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:I wish to know if this is good enough for you as it is for us in Finnish Jedipedia.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. It looks good form my eyes. Hyvää (t)yötä : ) Kreivi Wolter 09:14, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. The Grand Master's first look
    • At first glance, there is a substantial amount of underlinking.
      • Any better now? I'm not too sure what you mean by underlinking. Care to advice?
        • "Underlinking" means that you do not have everything linked; an article should be linked once on its first mention in the intro and once on its first mention in the body. Anyway, this is much better, although there are still some missing, extra, and incorrectly placed links. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:40, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
          • Happy now? I have hard time finding more things to link but if there is still something, let me know.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:32, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
    • I am also seeing several grammar problems.
    • Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 20:56, March 2, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Cylka's first look:
    • I think that the infobox should be expanded. The infobox is there to give readers the basic facts about the event without the need to read the article. In the conflict section you can state the purpose of the trial- Celchu on trial for treason and Horn's murder. You could also fill in the the important participants. The key section is for the involved affiliations.
      • Added something to each section. I don't know if I should add the Empire to affiliations part since they were manufacturing some of the evidence, but were not directly connected to the case.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 16:12, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • A little context is needed as to why someone had to fly to Coruscant and scout the planet.
      • I don't know if that is ever stated why Celchu was sent there. There is nothing of why in X-wing-series or The New Essential Chronology, they say he volunteered for the mission, but there is no info about why the mission was needed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 15:44, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • where he spent three months before he finally escaped and returned to the Rebels - Who are these Rebels? This word was linked to the Alliance to Restore the Republic, but at this point in time, it didn't exist any longer in that form.
      • I accuse Celchu for that since he is speaking about "Alliance" in Wedge's Gamble when recounting the events. Fixed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 16:12, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • Celchu was considered to be too untrustworthy to participate in planning or preparation. - Who considered him untrustworthy?
      • That sentence was written in passive to awoid stating presisely who thought Celchu to be untrusthworthy. It is already stated that at least Ackbar and Salm were not ready to trust him entirely. In Wedge's Gamble Corran Horn thinks that "they" (who ever "they" are) did not trust Celchu enough to allow him to participate. I fixed it but...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:04, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • In the intro you state that Emtrey was the squadron's protocol droid, but not in the article body.
    • During his time on Coruscant Celchu met with Duros weapons dealer Lai Nootka in The Headquarters cantina. Corran Horn happened to see one meeting but thought that the tall, cloaked stranger was Imperial Intelligence agent Kirtan Loor. Horn told Antilles what he had seen, but the commander answered that it was impossible, since the report said that Celchu was among the casualties from Warlord Zsinj's attack on Noquivzor. In truth, Antilles was aware that Celchu was alive and on Coruscant, but he didn't believe Celchu had met Loor. - This doesn't quite make sense. The first sentence states that Horn thought the cloaked person was Loor and the next sentence talks about Celchu being reported as dead. The third sentence is written as if Horn had told Antilles that Celchu had been the cloaked stranger. Please clear this up.
    • After Horn found out that Celchu was alive, he filed a report concerning the meeting he had witnessed in the cantina. He also mentioned that he had not seen the stranger's face, but based on its height and gait, he had positively identified it as Loor. - What did this have to do with Horn finding out that Celchu was alive?
    • Both attorneys later used this calm reaction to prove their point in the court. - This sentence doesn't really belong here since you are introducing the trial at this point, but it isn't the appropriate time for the trial. Please move this to the trial section.
    • After the battle to take down the shield - Is there an article for this battle? If not, then a redlink, stub, etc should be created for it.
    • All this made Celchu look highly suspicious to the New Republic, and only four days later, he was captured and charged with high treason and murder. - I'm not exactly sure what made Celchu look guilty. It may be because the information in the previous two paragraphs concerning Loor, Horn's report, and Celchu being alive/dead is unclear. Please look over this again.
      • "All this" was supposed to mean practically everything under the title: "Background". Changed to be more accurate.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:59, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • When General Airen Cracken revealed that he had known all along that Celchu was innocent, - How could he have known this?
      • After reorganizing the paragraphs it now says earlier that Cracken knew it from Emtrey. Or does it still need work?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:46, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • During his time among Imperials, Madine had also likely met Ysanne Isard - Does this have any bearing on the case? If not, then it doesn't need to be included.
      • Not really, but Madine in the whole doesn't have any substantial role in the whole thing. Everything about Madine is related to Ven's opinions of him and that is relevant to what Ven thinks of Madine in relation to the case.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:23, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • In my opinion, I think that the trial section would read better if you placed the Defense first, Prosecution second and Judges third. This way, Ven's thoughts about the judges will make sense. Otherwise, the reader is not sure who Ven is.
    • Alright, in the Tribunal section the thoughts of the various individuals involved are misplaced and shouldn't be there. You are stating their thoughts about events that you you haven't yet introduced to the reader, for example "When Ettyk heard that Kirtan Loor was willing to testify in Celchu's behalf, she was ready to admit that Celchu was innocent, and after Horn gave his testimony, she was quick to remove all charges against Celchu." This is all very confusing. These thoughts should be placed in the relevant section, not when a character is first introduced. I would suggest paring down the tribunal section to a straightforward introduction of the individuals involved. However, I would leave in any thoughts that they had about the judges since that is pertinent to this section.
    • Wessiri was not present when Celchu was found innocent, since she had been escorting Kirtan Loor to testify when her husband Diric had attacked her, Ven, and Loor under Isard's brainwashing. After Ven was injured and Loor shot to death Wessiri shot back and wounded the attacker mortally, only afterward realizing that it was her husband. This shock prevented her from coming to the final hearing. - This is another example of what I had just pointed out. You are speaking of events that have not yet happened, and this is confusing.
    • I'm going to stop my review here in order to give you time to make sure that statements and comments are placed in the appropriate sections. The best way to do this is to ask yourself if a particular statement is relevant to what you are currently writing about. If not, then it needs to be moved. This will probably mean that things will get shuffled around. I must say that you did a great job in fixing up the grammar and wording issues from long ago. I am finding very little fault with the sentences themselves, just their placement. Please take care of these objections and I'll continue my review. Cylka-talk- 14:48, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Use proper {{ref}} tags in the infobox. -- 1358 (Talk) 15:39, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Cylka's second look:
    • Good job with the infoxbox. Furthermore, I think that it would be a good idea to subdivide the participants into Defense, Prosecution, Judges, and Witnesses. If some individuals fit into more than one category, place in the one one that was more primary. For example, Iella Wessiri would fit better in the prosecution. I also think that you could add in Rogue Squadron under the Affiliations, since it heavily involved them.
    • after a failed attempt to sabotage Coruscant's planetary shields - I believe that "failed attempt" would be a good place to link to that Battle of Coruscant. I would have done so myself, but I'm not entirely familiar with that era and I didn't want to link to the wrong battle.
    • When introducing characters and ships, etc for the first time, it is a good idea to give them a bit of context. For example: I would write Executor-class Star Dreadnought Lusankya, a private prison. Further, I would add that Ackbar was Supreme Commander and who exactly Salm was when they are introduced. The reader then understands why these individuals had authority. Please go through and make sure that this is done throughout the article with all of the characters.
      • I would prefer not to introduce Lusankya as a ship in the Background part since no one but Isard knew it was a super star destroyer and that it was hidden in Coruscant.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Most accusations of treason were traced back to his time in the Lusankya prison and the possibility of brainwashing. - This sentence doesn't read very well. Please rewrite it. Also, in the next sentence I replaced "aggravating" with "incriminating," if that is alright. I believe that word works better.
    • In the Interrogating the witnesses section please use the first names of the Crackens since both Pash and Airen are mentioned. It is confusing to the reader otherwise. Also, this goes along with my earlier objection in that add in who Pash and Airen were.
      • Done. But I'm still not sure if it was necessary, since I call Airen "General Cracken" to separate him from (Pash) "Cracken".--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Cracken tried to give his testimony in a way that was favourable to Celchu but Ettyk was allowed to interrogate him as a hostile witness making it difficult. - What was made difficult?
      • Reading that sentence, possibly since even I'm not sure what I'm saying. It should be better now.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Since Ettyk was not able to bring out the things Horn had told to Dlarit, Ven was able to point out that Horn had spoken with others before his meeting with Dlarit. That rendered Dlarit almost useless as a witness - I'm not sure how Horn speaking with others before Dlarit made her useless as a witness. Please clarify this.
    • forced Admiral Ackbar postpone the trial even further. While Ven was away, Whistler and Emtrey stayed on Coruscant to collect and process evidence that they would use in court. - This is another example of what I had mentioned before. the reader needs to know why Ackbar could postpone the trial (he was the chairman) and why were Emtry and Whistler involved with the evidence.
      • Great... Now you complain about the reader not knowing the characters mentioned after you made me move that introduction part to the bottom of the whole thing... Don't worry, I'll fix it but I had to point this out.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 21:12, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
        • It is unfortunate that more work has been created for you, however, I am only trying to ensure that the article is appealing and understandable to our readers. Cylka-talk- 23:30, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
          • I was trying to be sarcastic but I was rather tired when I wrote that comment. But now I have given more context for most of the people. Was that enough?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
            • I believe she was aware that you were being sarcastic and merely chose to ignore it, taking the high road instead. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:41, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • Isard decided to send her brainwashed puppet, Diric Wessiri, to stop Derricote - This is fine, but the next sentence talks about Diric shooting at Ven, Loor, and Iela without any mention of Derricote. Please connect these two sentences a bit more.
      • Better now? I usually try not to overuse the dash but it does have its uses sometimes...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:46, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Horn's return and his simultaneous testimony with Antilles about the identity of the true traitor - What simultaneous testimony? How did Wedge know who the traitor was?
    • I'm not sure that the third paragraph of the Defense section is needed. It doesn't have much bearing on the trial itself, which the main focus of the article. Most of the sentiments of the people involved have already been stated earlier, and introducing Winter complicates things a bit.
      • Removed but I reformed some bits of it to be the new first paragraph of the section. And Winter got completely removed.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:02, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Wessiri was not present when Celchu was found innocent, since she had been escorting Kirtan Loor to testify when her husband Diric had attacked her, Ven, and Loor under Isard's brainwashing. After Ven was injured and Loor shot to death Wessiri shot back and wounded the attacker mortally, only afterward realizing that it was her husband. This shock prevented her from coming to the final hearing. - This is essentially repeating what was already stated earlier. I would pare this down to only say that Wessiri was in schock from woundeing her husband and therefore, wasn't present.
    • Context is needed for Fliry Vorru.
    • While the New Republic labeled Corran Horn as a hero of the conquering of Corucant, - This statement is fine, but the reader is not sure of what has happened. The beginning of the article talks about Celchu needing to scout out Coruscant and now it has been conquered. In order to solve this I think that at the beginning of the article you should fit in that Coruscant is under Imperial control, and then fit in somewhere that by the time of the trial, Coruscant is liberated. I know that you mention the first battle of Coruscant, but many readers will not know the specifics of that battle.
    • Please go through the article to make sure that everything is linked correctly since the article sections have been shuffled around.
    • You have done a good job with rearranging the article sections and I feel that it reads much better now. Please take care of these of these objections and I'll look at it again. Cylka-talk- 21:00, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Question: Can you use a picture of a younger Corran? Him bearded and in Jedi robes is a bit out-of-place. Menkooroo 05:07, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • How so? He was wearing green jedi robes (taken from Galactic Museum during his escape) and hadn't shaved for a while when he arrived to the court room.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 17:52, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
      • I have to correct myself: Horn was wearing "pale" jedi robe, not green. But jedi robe none the less. Do you still want me to change it?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 18:54, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
        • What I meant was that that's a picture of Horn from twenty years later. Could you go with a picture of him from roughly the time period of the trial? Menkooroo 01:32, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
          • I' aware of that, but honestly, take a look at the pictures that don't pic him as a jedi: these are too small (and I would prefer colours) and this doesn't really look like Corran to me and it is too small as well. And there really is no pictures of him from that time. Other choise would be to go to his CorSec pictures but they would be even more out of place. You tell me if any of these would fit better and I will change it.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:26, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
            • Sorry to keep pushing this. It's not a big deal or a major objection or anything. I just feel like an image of a character twenty years later doesn't belong in an article when there are images of him available from much closer to the time period that the article details. If the trial had a direct impact on Horn's Jedi training, then the image might fit in some sort of "aftermath" or "legacy" section, saying "The Trial allowed Horn to become a great Jedi Knight", but as it stands, I feel like it would be like putting the main image from the Darth Caedus article in an article about the birth of the Solo twins.

              From the list that you provided me, a cropped version of this image might fit (cropped to remove the guns, maybe?). I'm not sure if it's Corran with his arms crossed in this image, but if it is, a cropped version of it would be great. I know that you want a color image, but given the circumstances, there's nothing wrong with black and white, ya know? This one may be small, but as it's Corran in his X-wing garb, it fits the bill perfectly. Ditto this one. You might have to be creative here.

              Throughout the article, images are used well in general, though. There's a big chunk of imageless space in the "Interrogating the witnesses" section, however, followed by a bunch of images in close succession. Can you maybe stick an image there, or else space the rest of the images out more? An image of one of the judges might fit. Horton Salm or Crix Madine. Menkooroo 01:25, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
              • I have actually been searching a picture of Wedge to put to that "interrogating witnesses" part, since he was one of the key witnesses. I don't like that big imageless gap either. Other choise is to move Ackbar's picture up there and put Salm down to its place (since Salm and Madine had not that much to do in that part of the trial, beside just being present in the courtroom).--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:24, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
                • Well, you're in luck, because images of Wedge is something this wiki has no shortage of. Here's a cool one of Wedge and Ackbar from roughly that time period. Here he is looking epic; here's a great live-action shot; This one is cool 'cause he's like "Hey... trust me"; here he is from a picture that you've already used Tycho and Corran from --- and there are 100 more where that came from. Menkooroo 07:33, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
                  • I think I like the one with Wedge and Ackbar together but I need to crop Ackbar out since I can't think of a text that would fit ("Chairman of the court and one of the key witnesses" sounds rather far fetched to me, even when they were working together during the trial).--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 07:47, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
                    • Got that pic of Wedge up and added Salm to where Ackbar used to be moving our Mon Calamarean friend higher up. How does it look?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 13:30, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
            • Returning to the original topic of Corran's pic. Actually his adventure in the Galactic Museum had a lot to do with him becoming a Jedi later, since he discovered several heirlooms from his biological grandfather there. If I could word it something like this: "During his escape in addition to the files that acquitted Celchu Horn also discovered the connection he had to the Jedi", could I leave the picture there?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 08:47, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • A nice compromise. :^) Menkooroo 00:07, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks. Sorry to have gone to so much trouble about it. I should have though of that from the beginning...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 11:31, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Thingos
    • Is this a conjectural title, or is explicitly called "Trial of Tycho Celchu" in the sources? If it isn't, then any capitalized instances of "Trial" should be decapitalized.
    • I think that the infobox should probably be left without an image at all, since there is no image of the trial itself and that image in particular is of Celchu several years prior.
    • Although I'm usually loathe to ask for an over abundance of gratuitous context, the opening paragraph of "Infiltration of Coruscant..." could use some, namely on the Galactic Civil War and those involved.
    • I'm also a bit curious about the use of an image from thirty-odd years later for Horn... I realize this has been discussed before, but it wouldn't really be entertained if it were Luke Skywalker or something. There are images of Horn in the NEGTC that might suffice... if you don't like him in action, you could make a crop or something. Nitpicky, I know, but I think it's important that we retain some sort of limitation with the images. If you really feel that it's important that that particular image is used though, I shall relent. So don't think of this as a typical, hard objection. More a query/suggestion, I guess. :P
    • I've also tweaked the sectioning a bit. If you don't like it, feel free to revert it - more of a suggestion, really.
    • I've also made a few phrasing changes/improvements. Hope they meet with your approval. Thefourdotelipsis 09:07, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • You used some words I've never heard before and don't know what they mean but I guess they mean what they are supposed to.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 09:38, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
        • Some of your choises of words are really difficult. I speak English relatively fluently but need a dictionary to understand some of your changes.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 09:52, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
          • It's at a vocabulary level consistent with a lot of other articles. Let us know which words are particularly contentious, though.
    • I'm going back and giving the prose a bit of a polish, and another thought occurs: You should probably find another adjective for Celchu, to avoid repetition of "Celchu." You use "the captain" once, and that's good, but "the Alderaanian" might be more specific, and would help the flow. This could also be applied to some of the other characters whose surnames appear frequently... using "the Corellian," or a rank would be good, but just make sure you establish who is Alderaanian and Corellian, or what rank a given person holds before doing this. I'll let you know when I've finished my second polish. Thefourdotelipsis 09:44, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll see what I can do with that. There is more than one Corellian around so that might not work, but Alderaanian might do, but there is two of them as well. I'll take a look at that later today together with that context thing you asked above.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 09:52, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • OK, something else: You should probably tell us how the Lusankya blasting out of Coruscant turned out, because at the moment it's left as a bit of a cliffhanger. Just a sentence or two will do. I've completed a sort of polish of the Trial section... if you want to look at some of the changes made there I'd recommend that you maybe take another look at the Tribunal and Publicity sections and perhaps brush up some of the phrasing, if you so choose. Thefourdotelipsis 11:12, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • Is that good enough for that Lusankya bit? I personally find it rather irrelevant to the trial but what ever to make the article pass. (Well, almost, since I'm still reluctant to give up that pic of Corran...)--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 22:07, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
        • That's excellent, thanks. It's good to put things in there, as long as you don't stray too far from the topic, just to give the article some flow. It was reading as "They saw a bloody huge Star Destroyer bursting out of the city! ...anyway, the trial was over, and such and such..." You see how that can be a little disruptive? ;) Anyway, it's not a big problem, a lot of people will make that kind of mistake, but it's just good to tie up any loose ends as briefly as possible, just so the reader doesn't get lost in the mix. Thefourdotelipsis 00:06, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
          • When you put it that way, I do see that it doesn't work. And it might take for little longer than I though to sort out the context for Tycho's mission to Coruscant related to the Galactic Civil War, since my friend needs to scan the relevant page from The New Essential Chronology for me.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 11:01, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Is this name canon? I'm getting the sense that it's not. If that's the case, then it needs a conjecture tag. Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:25, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • You're probably right. Need to check that out.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 14:17, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • The name is canon, but it's not spelled with capital "T" in any of the sources I have at hand at the moment. So I changed it to be spelled with lower case "t" but didn't add the conjecture tag.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 19:26, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
        • If sources call it the "trial of Tycho Celchu," then there's no need for a conjecture template. Just change "Trial" to "trial" and you're good to go. Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:30, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
          • The name is actually rather confusing. It is called "the trial of Tycho Celchu" several times in The Krytos Trap, but there is a lot of more complicate expressions used as well. But most of the time they just call it "the trial"...--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 22:07, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Why everyone is ignoring my nom?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 22:43, March 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • Have patience. Sometimes it can take few months before people even bother to read the article. Trust me, the users will find this eventually : ) Kreivi Wolter 14:08, April 4, 2010 (UTC)
  • While we have yet to develop a standard format for articles of this type, I'd suggest looking at this article to get an idea of a legal trial article's layout. I am completely unfamiliar with the source material for the Celchu Trial, but I trust that you can incorporate some of what you find in my example to help your article along its FAN path.Tommy 9281 01:04, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks. There isn't that much differences between the two that I could notice. The other one is more detailed than mine, but it has less material to cover, so it can afford it without the article becoming too long. My material is mainly from the novel X-wing: The Krytos Trap combined with the two previous novels X-wing: Rogue Squadron and X-wing: Wedge's Gamble, so the article needs to cover a lot of ground. Outside those three (plus X-wing: The Bacta War) there is only a little information about this case in any of the source books. What I did notice being different is the name of the article; all other trial articles are named "trial of someone" or "someone vs./versus someone". But that is not my fault since I didn't create the article about this trial, only rewrote it completely.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 09:06, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • How would you feel about us moving the article to Trial of Tycho Celchu? --Eyrezer 23:59, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • Sounds much better to me, to be honest. I never liked the current name. Shall I do it myself of do you move it? The name on top of this nomination needs to be changed as well, I take it?--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 21:26, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Quickie: Please link to everything upon first mention (I am refering to the infobox) -- 1358 (Talk) 12:37, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • Done.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 14:17, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
      • Ugh, this should've been in the objections section, but "objection" stricked anyway. :P -- 1358 (Talk) 15:21, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Jedi Tower

  • Nominated by: NayayenTALK 09:28, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I make a return to the FAN after too long with this, the Jedi academy of Taris. It actually turned out to be quite an interesting article to write and hopefully it will be the same to read.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Great work, Nayayen.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:28, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. A few for you…
    • Intro: I would like to see the Neo-Crusaders mentioned in the intro.
      • Added, I've also mentioned them in main body.
    • Intro: Gadon Thek and context on him should be mentioned in the intro, where it says that Gryph arrived to evacuate Carrick and Jelavan.
      • Added, I haven't mentioned the Hidden Beks though, it doesn't seem necessary.
    • Early teaching: Now that John Jackson Miller has established for sure that Squinquargesimus was not a part of Malak's name, I feel you should take the surname out.
      • Removed.
    • Early teaching: For Revan, you might want to mention that he was Alek's "honorary" Master, since that is what the handbook says. Also, please capatalize "Master".
      • Done, I've checked all other instances of Master for capitalization.
    • In Mandalorian hands: I think you should mention that Griff Vao was Mission's older brother.
      • Done, I had to tweak those two sentences a bit so that it flows well.
    • Great job, Nayayen. When this passes, will this article be the first on building to pass the FAs?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:43, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review Kasra. I can count at least 6 building FAs, one of which is a Jedi academy so this isn't even the first one of those FAd. NayayenTALK 10:42, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
  2. And one more thing…
    • You might want to source Alek's name to #10 or the Handbook, because in #0 he merely introduced himself as "Squint". I would think you only need to source the name to this on this one mention.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 04:32, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Attack of the Clone
    • "The atmosphere control complex was set away from the nearby residential buildings and other structures which meant that, to access the Tower, a skybridge was built." It's rather unclear what you're trying to say here. Do you mean that the control complex's isolation from the nearby buildings required a skybridge to be built to access it? If so, you might consider using that wording instead.
      • Fixed
        • Please watch your semi-colon usage. While I've fixed this issue for you, semi-colons are only used to join two standalone clauses together. CC7567 (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • "It was in this chamber that the Council executed their Padawans on the grounds that they were protecting the galaxy from the Sith." This historical reference is much more relevant to the History section than the Description section. Please try to keep the two isolated and distinct from each other.
      • Removed
        • I meant the entire reference, basically. I can see how it may be notable to say that the room was where the Padawan Massacre took place, but overall, the Description section should be primarily reserved for stuff relating to the actual structure of the building—anything else that takes place in it is what the History is used to list. CC7567 (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Zayne Carrick, the only Padawan to survive, fled this room by diving down the turbolift tower and escaping through the storage room to the landing area." Same issue as above.
      • I assumed you meant the "only Padawan to survive" bit, the other part highlights a route from the room to the landing area.
        • First of all, no, that is context necessary to the article and shouldn't be removed, but let me clarify this part. Can you simply say that the tower had a turbolift? That seems to be the only part of the sentence that is specifically relevant to the structure of the tower, not its history. CC7567 (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
          • In that case, the sentence is redundant. Removed. NAYAYEN:TALK 15:44, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
    • The image placement in "The Padawan Massacre" section is a bit strained, as ideally there should only be an image every few paragraphs or so or one per section, whichever comes first.
      • Removed the second of the two.
    • Please fix that {{Fact}} tag in the article.
      • Fixed
    • In the second paragraph of the "Padawan Massacre" section, please try to maintain a neutral perspective of the massacre rather than simply following Jelavan's POV. It's more proper to simply write it chronologically rather than as if it were through Jelavan's eyes.
      • I can't see any way to make it more neutral than it is now.
        • Can you simply say that the Masters planned to execute their Padawans in the Tower based on their vision and continue from there? That's how all non-character articles should essentially be written. CC7567 (talk) 09:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
          • I've reworded it as much as possible. It is vital to note that Jelavan noticed Draay's lightsaber and spoke out because that is why the Masters had to strike prematurely and hence enabled Carrick to escape. NAYAYEN:TALK 15:44, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
    • I will continue with "In Mandalorian hands" once these are fixed. Overall, I'd like you to be a bit stricter on what is relevant to the Jedi Tower itself and what is not. While yes, context is necessary to understand the storyline, extraneous context is not—this article should be primarily about the tower and not anything else. Much of the Padawan Massacre section itself is affected by this problem. Please go through the article to make sure that every detail is directly relevant to the Jedi Tower and those that are not are absolutely necessary as context. CC7567 (talk) 22:55, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for you review CC. I'll go through and see if anything can be trimmed out, probably with the second opinion of someone else as familiar with the comics. NAYAYEN:TALK 08:58, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • I see virtually no mention at all of the Jedi Tower anywhere in the second and third paragraphs of "In Mandalorian hands" except in the latter paragraph, and that still doesn't show much. This should be a major indicator to irrelevant context. Please verify the necessity of all this extraneous information. As such, the next two objections depend on whether the parts including them are kept or not.
    • "Fortunately for the Jedi": POV. It isn't up to us to decide what is "fortunate" for a group and what is not.
    • Context on Del Moomo.
      • Added it on his first mention and moved the link to there as well. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Please try to clean up the crowded image placement in "The Resistance strikes back."
    • Is it possible for the context in the first paragraph of the same section to be shortened at all? I understand that context on the Tower operation is necessary, but if the Tower isn't actually used in the section, the amount of detail is questionable.
    • "that the Resistance had already managed to plant in the Tower's foundations in an earlier raid": link to the raid?
    • "These charges could not be used then as they did not have the remote detonator needed for a controlled explosion." When? The chronology isn't clear here because of the verb tense. Please clarify.
    • "Insisting that Carrick was still dangerous": how so?
    • "from the dark side in Carrick": can this be worded better at all? If not, please clarify how the "dark side" being in Carrick is different from basically every Jedi's temptation with it in some form or another.
    • "which the patrol passed off as Carrick "recruiting"": please reword this awkward phrase somehow.
      • OS's Mandalorian euphemism, reworded. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • I may be missing something here, but it really isn't clear how Carrick was able to avoid arising Gormer's and the Mandalorian patrol's suspicions. Please clarify.
      • Both should be clear now. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • I again recommend that you try and go through the article to make sure that all the context in the article is absolutely necessary. While yes, context is needed to understand the storyline, this article is still about the Jedi Tower and nothing else. I will be going through the article one more time with you after all of these are fixed to make sure that everything is in good shape. CC7567 (talk) 19:11, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
      • I've asked Cylka for her advice on the superfluous context. This objection and the first, fourth and fifth of your second batch of objections will be addressed when this is done. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:37, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
        • I haven't forgotten you objections CC. See my reply to 4dot's 09:02 timestamp. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:42, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Ah-ha!
    • Does "Masters" need to be capitalized? I'd think it wouldn't, but I was just wondering if you had some sort of reasoning for this.
    • The second paragraph of the intro should be tweaked, so that the Mandalorian invasion and Fett's occupation of the tower comes before Carrick's return.
    • More to come later, I'm afraid I've run out of time a bit. ;) Thefourdotelipsis 01:44, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • I've looked a bit further into the issue of Alek's name, and although he was born under "Alek," and that was his true name, in the in-universe officialdom, he was listed and recognized as "Alek Squinquargesimus." I think that the article should reflect his full name, and use his surname accordingly. I don't mean this to conflict with any of the earlier objections, but the fact of the matter is that we should probably go with that the "official records" were. If anyone else wants to interject here and point out why we shouldn't be going with what was a character's official classification at a given time... feel free.
    • Actually, the detail about Alek saving Carrick and all that isn't relevant to the Tower's history. You should just give a brief overview saying that the students operating from the tower were crime-fighters or whatever, and cite a few brief examples.
    • Far too detailed in your description of the Padawan Massacre. You shouldn't be giving detailed summaries of small events that happened to take place at the Jedi Tower without directly affecting the structure itself. This is true of much of the History section... you really need to cull through it and make sure that the information is about the tower, not about the things that might have happened in or around it. Let us know when you've done that and I'll take another shufti. Thefourdotelipsis 09:02, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • It should be an appropriate level of detail now. I haven't had time to go past the third paragraph of "In Mandalorian hands" though. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:42, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
        • This is still a bit too much, on a cursory glance. "In the Council chambers above, Shad Jelavan was unusually late to the ceremony. After stowing his lightsaber in one of the racks, the Padawan noticed that all of the Masters had their lightsabers. This indicated that Carrick would also be Knighted and led to Jelavan and the Padawans asking why the Masters were planning to Knight Carrick, especially as he consistently failed assignments." - That kind of stuff is just way too specific. It should be more along the lines of "In such and such BBY, the covenant experienced a vision in which one of their Padawans would go gaga, and so they killed them during what was meant to be a knighting ceremony. Carrick, however, had been late, and witnessed the aftermath of the killings, before fleeing the Tower. The Covenant gave chase, and he was eventually brought back by Ying, and then one of his new companions, Jarael, burst in blah blah blah." That kind of level is what I'm looking for. Thefourdotelipsis 00:43, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I've changed the two quotes involving just two speakers from some form of {{Dialogue}} to {{Quote}} per Tranner's comment below for Luuke. NayayenTALK 22:36, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Relin Druur

(1 Inqs/6 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. ShaakTi1138 18:24, April 14, 2010 (UTC). Great work :D
  2. I remembered to change the numbers this time! Also great work. Menkooroo 03:51, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote I admittedly enjoy your chosen ref name for Crosscurrent quite a lot. :P CC7567 (talk) 05:20, April 16, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Nice. Time for his nemesis ? Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:11, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • I've contemplated it, but it probably won't be any time soon. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:21, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Awesome dude, IMO.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:29, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Nicely done. --Imperialles 17:35, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Hearty work. I should probably read Crosscurrent. Thefourdotelipsis 04:16, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. http://objection.ytmnd.com
    • Quick glance: You should mine this thread. for more bts info. On April 2nd at 5:44am, Paul S. Kemp shared his thoughts on Druur's fall. More from me later! Menkooroo 03:57, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • Hmm, I'm not sure how much of that really falls into BTS material, because Kemp is essentially just explaining to darthjulian777 why Druur fell to the dark side, all of which is already in the article body. I considered adding the bit about his intentions on why he portrayed Hassin the way he did (and how it related to Druur's fall), but even that seemed like it would belong better in Hassin's BTS, rather than Druur's. Thanks for pointing me to the thread, though! Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:22, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
        • Yeah, you're probably right. But in the tradition of "actor and author comments", it might be worth noting in a quick sentence or two that Kemp saw Relin's fall as the result of something very human, and that he thought that Druur responded in a very human way to that loss --- or, even more interestingly, that Kemp states that Druur's rage at himself goes unacknowledged? I won't push this, but, ya know, think about it. Menkooroo 14:01, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
          • Restating again what I said above: everything that Kemp says in that post really just restates what's already been said in the article, because it can all be found in the novel itself. Kemp was just explaining to someone on the forum boards who, for whatever reason, couldn't understand why Druur fell to the dark side. But we obviously get it here, so there's really no point in adding that info to the article, when its already there. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:58, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
            • Fair enough. Like I said, I'm not going to push it. Menkooroo 06:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • There are a few instances where you talk about how Druur fought Rrogon or Massassi Warriors, or that he incapacitated people --- I know he's a Jedi, but you should still probably mention that he did so with his lightsaber.
      • The problem is that a lot of the time, he did so with the Force, rather than with his lightsaber, and to point out for each separate instance which was which would be far too play-by-play. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • Second duel with Rrogon: "As he waited there for Rrogon to arrive: --- why was he waiting for Rrogon? All that's been mentioned so far is that his mission is about destroying the Lignan.
    • Is the "meanwhile" necessary? The text hasn't changed scenes here or anything.
      • Removed. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 16:44, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
        • Heh, I actually meant a different meanwhile. The one you removed was just fine. Menkooroo 16:51, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
          • Oh, well since you didn't specify, I thought you meant the one that was right next to the text of the above objection. Which one did you mean, then? Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 16:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
            • Wow... I'm sorry for dropping the ball on this one. A simple control f would have prevented my buffoonery. :^P Anyway: "Meanwhile, Druur decided that—as he was no longer a Jedi—he would not use a Jedi weapon, and threw aside his lightsaber." The other meanwhiles were great, but this one jumped at me, since it was only going from one dude to the dude right in front of him. Sorry again. Menkooroo 23:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
    • That's all. Well done! Menkooroo 06:54, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
  2. A few things:
    • Intro: Very play-by-play. Try and condense a few details.
      • Is this enough?
    • Hunting Rrogon: "The Sith ships were mining the moon for Lignan—an ore that was immensely powerful in the dark side of the Force—and Druur and Hassin found that, in this act, the Sith had completely destroyed the outer crust of the moon, eliminating all of the moon's life." Three moons in this sentence. Possible to reword a few instances?
      • Killed two of them.
    • Aboard the Junker: Last paragraph is very play-by-play. You don't have to reiterate the story, merely state what happened.
      • I cut it down and transferred some of the text to the P&T, where I felt it fit better. Let me know if you think it should be removed from there, though.
    • Second duel with Rrogon: Same thing here.
      • Is this enough?
    • Redirect links: In the intro and in Skirmish over Phaegon III.
      • Hopefully got them all.
    • We could definitely use more featured articles on recent additions to the universe. Further Crosscurrent coverage would be quite welcome, and a joy to read. --Imperialles 15:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'll probably go for a couple more from Crosscurrent, although it may be a while yet, due to my free-time being taken up by some increased RL activities. Thanks very much for the review, Imp! Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:21, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Time travel? Like Ewoks?
    • I'm not sure that the intro needs to be so... engorged. It seems to go into the specifics a bit too often, and could probably be cut down to the size of the two paragraphs that exist.
      • Condensed and combined to two paragraphs.
    • Hmm... not too sure about using the extra crop of Rrogon. Seems a bit like overkill.
      • Killified.
    • Could the paragraph for "Legacy" possibly just be merged under the "Death" subsection?
      • Done, although it killed me to get rid of that last quote. :P
    • Otherwise excellent. Thefourdotelipsis 02:24, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • As a note, please try to avoid linking excessive clauses together with gerunds (the -ing forms of verbs); I've found that saying "Druur continued drawing on the power of the ore as he died, finally unleashing it upon the Harbinger, destroying the ship." tends to be rather long-winded. CC7567 (talk) 05:20, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Rivoche Tarkin

  • Nominated by: jSarek 08:22, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I present to you Voren Na'al's wife!

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. I would have tried this myself, but I lacked some sources. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:56, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Really watch your linking and formatting though. I had to fix a lot of stuff. Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:48, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 00:54, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Skippy and more WEG stuff
    • Early years: Context on Grand Vizier.
      • CRO doesn't provide any more context. While it's reasonable to assume it's Sate Pestage, the book doesn't say it.
    • Extraction: You said that Vader recommended Sollaine (1st paragraph) and later that Vader was a rival of Sollaine (4th paragraph). Firstly: Why did Vader recommend his rival for that job in first place? Second: If Vader and Sollaine were indeed rivals, this deserves a mention in the 1st paragraph.
      • Fixed.
    • Strange formatting under BtS; italics where there shouldn't be any and vice versa. Have a look.
      • Yeah, caught that after I posted. Should all be cleared up now.
    • Rivoche's main image was also used for a "Generic arrogant noble PC" in at least some WEG books. This merits either a BtS mention about it (including credit to the artist of the image), or even adding more information from the "noble" PC that might be Rivoche.
      • Info added. I don't think going into detail about the noble there provides any useful information regarding Rivoche, though, since other than the picture and Rebel tendencies, they have little in common.
    • The Thrawn Trilogy Sourcebook re-uses text from Heir to the Empire Sourcebook, Dark Force Rising Sourcebook and The Last Command Sourcebook. Have you confirmed that Rivoche is not mentioned in any of these?
      • As far as I can tell, Rivoche is only mentioned in the introduction to the TTSB, which was newly created for that book.
    • Careful with using two successive footnotes to the same reference. Only the last one is needed, and the other only clogs the page. I've editted some myself, but please confirm there are none I could have missed.
      • Actually, those were on purpose; I was specifically trying to make sure that if a sentence was created from two or more sources, that both were cited for that sentence.
    • This was a nom I've been eager to see for a long time! Thank you very much! Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:00, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • My pleasure; I've been wanting to tackle Rivoche for quite some time. jSarek 09:46, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. The Grand Master
    • "After her father's death, she lived with her uncle, where she came to question…" The "where" doesn't really work here, unless you specify exactly where her uncle lived.
    • No link for the Imperial/Milennium Falcon battle at the Liberator?
    • Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 01:36, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Prepare to be savaged...
    • Just a couple of things. First, in the intro, it'd be good to have context on a few of the items mentioned: New Order, Biggs Darklighter, Airen Cracken (it's unclear he's a Rebel), Cavv and Arkel (perhaps note they are Alliance ops or something)
    • Ditto with context for New Order in the body.
    • The final sentence of the first paragraph of "Early life" seems to repeat a lot of info from the previous sentence (cruelty around her, etc.). Can these two sentences be merged perhaps?
    • Context on CompForce.
    • Should that be Historian Corps?
    • "Just prior to her engagement party to Caglio on Corulag, the Empire uncovered evidence of a deep-cover operative in the form of highly encrypted datafiles, and Emperor Palpatine considered locating this operative of paramount importance." This sentence seems a bit unclear. Does this mean that the Empire found encrypted datafiles that pointed to the existence of a spy in their midst? Is the locating of the operative of paramount importance, or is the operative of paramount importance?
    • The article is vague on dates, which is understandable, but there are a few events for which we have firm dates that could be used to give the timeline a bit more concreteness. For example, the assignment of Vader to Executor has a firm date, I believe.
    • Na'al is mentioned early on and then doesn't come back up again until after her extraction. Could you remind us again of his full name and who he is?
    • "Rivoche was displeased to learn that Na'al was leaving on a special mission on behalf of Mon Mothma to Exocron in 19 ABY..." Which Na'al, Voren or Gideon? Top-notch work. I enjoyed it. ~ SavageBob 16:01, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Toprawa:
    • The intro could use an expansion. Relative to the rest of the article body, it could probably be two moderately-sized paragraphs. Toprawa and Ralltiir 16:22, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I fixed the instance of "son" in the intro. I'll give it a more thorough read-through tomorrow, as I'm off to bed. But I figured I'd point that out as there might be some more erroneous instances of Rivoche being referred to as a "he." Or that might be the only one. Either way. Trak Nar Ramble on 09:11, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • Thanks. When I saw that, I couldn't believe I'd made such a silly mistake in the first place. Thanks for clearing it up. jSarek 09:47, April 13, 2010 (UTC)
  • Is there any reason why you don't refer to Pestage by name? Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 00:53, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Gray Jedi

  • Nominated by: —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 02:11, April 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My first nom. This one started as a GAN but needed major work. After a number of helpful objections and a few rewrites, the improved article is longer and I was advised that it would be better suited as a FAN. I requested that it be removed from GAN so I could add it here. I look forward to addressing your objections so that I can improve the article to FA status. Thanks. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 02:11, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. The Grand Master
    • In the second sentence of the History section, you link to Jedi Enclave, but I'm not sure if that was your intention, based on the context of the sentence.
      • My only guess is that I thought "Enclave" was just another term for "Academy", like "praxeum". I simply removed the link. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'm seeing several linking mistakes in the article, particularly underlinking, especially regarding events. Please make sure that you have everything linked once in the intro, and once in the body, and make sure you link directly to the correct page, and not to redirects. I've fixed a couple of these during my copy-edit to show some examples.
      • I'm not sure what the term "underlinking" refers to. That I'm not linking enough, especially to events? I will see if I can fix these and add more event-related links where appropriate. (might take me a day or so) —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
        • Yes, that is correct: "underlinking" means that there are missing links. And no problem, better to take some time and make sure you get it right than to rush through it and still miss some. :) Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 16:53, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
          • Okay, I did linking sweeps for 1) repeat links, 2) links to redirection pages, and 3) obvious missing links. I have yet to dig through events in order to find some more specific links for the article, but it's a start. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 17:30, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
          • Done with adding event-related articles. Main focus was in the History section. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 15:43, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • "However, between the Great Sith War and the Dark Wars, the Jedi went from the height of their power to a mere remnant of their existence…" A couple things: first, could you provide actual BBY date(s) here, just for more solid clarification of the time? (Actually, it would be good to do so throughout other parts of the history section as well; you commonly refer to wars for keeping track of time, which is fine, but it would be better to include some ABY/BBY dates in there, too, even if they're "circa.") Second, how did they become a "mere remnant of their existence?" Do you mean their numbers dwindled, or that they lost control over the galaxy, or something else?
      • I assume dwindled but that text is very close to the source text. I wasn't sure, so I didn't assume. Source text: Between the Great Sith War and the Dark Wars, the Jedi go from the height of their power to a mere remnant of their existence. Unlike the Jedi of later years, the Jedi in a Knights of the Old Republic campaign are likely to be fractious and unwilling to bow to their own central authority—the Jedi Council. (KotORCG, p104) I added dates to the sentece, but I'm not sure I can clarify without making an assumption about what the author meant. Also, I added some dates throughout the history section. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • I just added a link to the First Jedi Purge in that sentence. I figure that there might be other types of "reductions" to the Jedi Order in that time, but the purge is the clearest example we have, and it did happen in the dark wars. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:16, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • Please create a stub for Halcyon's battle with Tyris, if such a page does not yet exist.
      • Will do. Probably won't get to it tonight (need to check dates in the novel). Will post again when done. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • Article added for the Tyris duel. I also added an article for the duel between Bindo and Nayama. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 17:30, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Jensaarai participated in the Yuuzhan Vong War alongside the Jedi." Could you please provide me with a quote/page number that supports this sentence? After reading Edge of Victory II a couple weeks ago myself, I have a sneaking suspicion that this may refer to Kelbis Nu, whom I believe had become a Jedi by this point in time.
      • It was a reference to Kelbis Nu as far as I know. Clarified and added a date. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
    • Sorry for not reviewing this sooner, I've been quite busy of late. The article is much improved; I'll continue with the Traits and techniques section once you work through these. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 01:15, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
      • No problem, I will post again when I'm done with the linking fixes. It will take me some time to comb through the events. Thanks again! —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 03:02, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • Okay, so just to sum up, I think I've hit everything except for doing an in-depth exploration for events that should be linked to in the article. I will post again after doing so. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 17:30, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • Last of the objections addressed. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 15:43, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • One more for now: does Star Wars Legacy 33: Fight Another Day, Part 2 say that Fel became Head of State of the Empire in 41 ABY? If not, please source this bit to Invincible: "Some time after 41 ABY, when Jagged Fel was selected as the Head of State of the Galactic Empire…" Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 22:06, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
      • Sourced to Invincible. Thanks for another copy-edit. I see that I went too far in the other direction adding event-related links. :) —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 22:15, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
        • Haha no problem, it can be hard to find the right balance of linking sometimes. When pipelinking things (linking like this: [[Battle on Had Abbadon|assassination attempt]]), just try to link everything that directly relates to an event (such as in the above example). If the wording doesn't directly relate to it, then it isn't needed. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 22:23, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • Continuing with "Traits and Techniques": "In fact, Gray Jedi have opposed those who did embrace the dark side, such as when Bindo opposed the Sith during the Great Sith War and the Jedi Civil War." Incorrect tense usage here.
      • What about: In fact, Gray Jedi opposed those who embraced the dark side; Bindo fought against the Sith Empire during the Great Sith War and again during the Jedi Civil War. ?—fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
        • Yes, that's fine; the problem with the original phrase was the "have."
    • "Still, the Jedi claimed that Gray Jedi became tainted and carried the dark side's influence within them, even if they did not realize it." Do we know which Jedi in particular claimed this? This makes it sound like all Jedi that ever lived believed this. Perhaps it was the Jedi of Bindo's time, or maybe the New Jedi Order's Jedi? Or perhaps it was one Jedi in particular who said this? Are there any example that could be given here?
      • JATM source quote: According to the Jedi, these individuals become tainted and carry the dark side's influence within them, whether they realize it or not. Some people claim to have witnessed a slow metamorphosis of the persons' personalities over time as a result of tehir flirting with the dark side. So there is no specific example. However, I altered the text to Still, the Jedi Order taught that Gray Jedi carried the dark side's influence within them, even if they did not realize it. The above source text follows discussion of the Jensaarai, which tempts me to say "NJO", but it's speaking too generally. Simply saying "Jedi Order taught" I think makes it clear that this is an "official stance" and not necessarily a universally held opinion. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
        • Hmm, but we don't know that the Jedi Order as a whole taught that; saying "Jedi Order" in general leads the reader to believe all Jedi of all time did that, which I doubt is true. Also, I'm not sure that "taught" is a good word to use here, based on the source text. The source doesn't really say that the Jedi taught that to anybody; just that some Jedi thought that. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 19:00, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
          • I suppose that's the answer then. New text: Still, some Jedi thought that Gray Jedi carried the dark side's influence within them, even if they did not realize it. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 19:25, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Some early Gray Jedi wore custom, gray robes. The Gray Jedi Jolee Bindo once wore a unique version of these robes." Please move this phrase to elsewhere in the section, as it does not really follow its current context.
      • I moved it to the History section, just under the Jolee Bindo paragraph, altering the text to Some Old Republic Gray Jedi wore custom, gray robes. Bindo once wore a unique version of these robes. to make it fit the context better. Without a proper "Equipment" section, I think it's best suited in the History section, especially as it only appears in one era. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
    • "All Gray Jedi displayed the use of both light and dark side Force abilities, and have shown skill with techniques common to Jedi and Sith…" Tense issue here.
      • Changed to: All Gray Jedi displayed the use of both light and dark side Force abilities, and demonstrated skill with techniques common to Jedi and Sith, such as the ability to construct and wield a lightsaber, as well as some unique Force talents. Is that sufficient? —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
        • Yep; the problem before was the "have shown."
    • "The Imperial Knights were said to be…" Said by whom?
      • I will have to look it up in the Legacy Era Campaign Guide. Will post again when I have done so. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
      • Source text, LECG, p43: Despite opinions to the contrary, Imperial Knights are every bit as capable in the use of the Force as their Jedi counterparts, though their training has considerably more martial focus. Changed the text to be stated as a bald fact rather than an opinion: The Imperial Knights were as capable in the use of the Force as Jedi Knights, though their training concentrated more on martial prowess. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 01:42, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Imperial Knights displayed various Force abilities, such as Levitation, Telekinesis…" Isn't levitation a form of telekinesis? (If you mean self-levitation, and not just the levitation of other objects, please specify)
      • Doh! That should have been obvious to me. Clarified to self-levitation. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Other Gray Jedi have been known to wield powers such as Force thrust and Ionize." Tense issue here. Also, could we get a tiny bit of context for these powers, since their applications aren't as obvious or well known as things like telekinesis or mind tricks?
      • Tense clarified (tricky because these were powers listed in a "Gray Jedi" NPC stat-block, and not known Gray Jedi). Also added some context: Other Gray Jedi have wielded powers such as Force thrust, a telekinetic attack similar to Force push, and Ionize, an technique that deactivates and destroys machines. Note, I will have to double-check sourcing on this sentence, as the power descriptions for these might be in other source books. Will post again when sourcing is confirmed. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
        • Hmm, tense issue remains. The problem is with the use of "have," as it changes the text from past tense to present perfect tense. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 19:00, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
          • Removed "have" so it just says some Gray Jedi wielded. It just reads strangely to me for some reason. I'll have to watch that in my writing. Did a quick search of the article and found that the rest of the "have"s were all in quotes and not article content. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 19:25, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
          • "Ionize" power is from the KotORCG (p51), so that source is good. "Force thrust" is from the core rulebook. The sentence as been rearranged to allow for accurate sourcing: Other Gray Jedi wielded powers such as Ionize, a technique that deactivates and destroys machines, and Force thrust,[6] a telekinetic attack similar to Force push.[23] —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 01:42, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
    • "and encouraged his students—Rosh Penin and Jaden Korr—to think of Force powers as mere tools. Penin fell to the dark side but was later redeemed, although Korr remained faithful to the light. Korr was later plagued with doubt over Master Katarn's description of Force abilities as tools." I'm not entirely sure how relevant this is to the article's topic, seeing as how none of these beings were considered Gray Jedi. Is it not enough to just say, as you already do, that using both light and dark side powers doesn't instantly make you a Gray Jedi? Thoughts on this?
      • I think that it helps the definition to show Plo Koon and Katarn's similarities when pointing out why they're not Gray Jedi. Katarn not only used dark side powers, he encouraged his students to do the same. I feel that's relevant considering he was still not considered "Gray" and was on the High Council. The fates of his students however, is not. I have truncated the sentence to: Similarly, Kyle Katarn, a light side Jedi who later became a member of the New Jedi Order's High Council, freely used light and dark side abilities, and encouraged his students—Rosh Penin and Jaden Korr—to think of Force powers as mere tools. This provides a complete example of Katarn, the relevant person, without needlessly elaborating on his students. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
    • Keep up the good work. :) Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 22:05, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks once again! I'll get back to you once I can dig through my sourcebooks. Also, random thought, should I add another image to the History and Traits sections? Or would that be too much? —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 14:45, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
        • I think if you shift around the current images a bit, you could add one more to either the History or the Traits and techniques section without making them too cluttered. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 19:00, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
          • I may try to add one to the History section, and I may end up putting the "Gray Jedi" section images on one side, as other organization articles do. But I would need to find a quality image first. I don't want to put something there just for the sake of putting it there. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 19:25, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
          • Remaining concerns points addressed. Looking forward to more! —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 01:42, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
            • Well done. I'm gonna be pretty busy this week, but I'll try to continue with the review in the next couple days. :) Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 01:52, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
    • Continuing on with the next few sections: "While the term could be used to refer to Force users who walked the line between light and dark…" Why the speculation here? It could be used? Do we know whether or not it actually was used in that way?
    • You jump from talking about the days of the Council consolidating power (which you have mentioned to be approximately 4,000 BBY or so in the history section) to mentioning Qui-Gon Jinn; please specify that Jinn is from a different time frame—the current wording implies he was one of the Jedi from that time.
      • Good point. I added: Thousands of years later, around 30 BBY, This highlights the time jump and puts a hard date from the quote's source without repeating "stark hyperspace war" or "44 BBY", which are already given in the history section. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 22:43, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
        • Quick question: is The Stark Hyperspace War a source for the rest of the paragraph, though? Does it say all of this, and does it specify that this all took place thousands of years before Jinn's time? "While the term was used to refer to Force users who walked the line between light and dark, Jedi were also labeled as Gray Jedi for distancing themselves from the Jedi High Council. This practice dated back to the days of the Old Republic, when the High Council was attempting to consolidate power. Jedi who frequently clashed with the will of the Council were sometimes thought of as Gray even if they did not entirely separate themselves from the Jedi Order and the High Council."
          • No, I had forgotten to cite the JATM midway through that paragraph. Source added. Also, I removed "Thousands of years later," as it was kind of pointless when followed by an exact date. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 04:08, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Jolee Bindo was a Human male Jedi in the time of the Old Republic." Could we be more specific time-wise? The Old Republic stretches across twenty-five thousand years. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 16:35, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added "circa 4000 BBY", the year the Great Sith War kicked off. I know that the next few sentences describe events that took place prior to 4000 BBY, but without known how much prior I don't feel comfortable speculating, hence the "circa". Hopefully that's sufficient. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 22:43, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • In the "Jensaarai" section: please add some context on the Saarai-Kaar
    • Also in that section: please mention Nikkos Tyris a bit sooner, and give a bit more context on him
      • Added him to second sentence, as well as his master-apprentice relationship to the Saarai-Kaar.—fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) |
    • In the BTS: "that gave a definition for Gray Jedi that did not seem to require a 'balanced' Force alignment." Could you elaborate some on this definition?
      • I had figured quoting the text in the section intro was specific, but I see that the reader may not understand that was the text I was referencing. Added: and instead focused on operating independent of the Jedi Council without succumbing to the dark side. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) |
    • "Later sources conflicted with each other over the defining characteristic of a Gray Jedi: that they spurned the Jedi High Council or that they dabbled in the dark side without becoming corrupted by it." Could you give a couple examples of which sources said what?
      • I had sourced both to the correct statements, but I see no reason not to expand this. I have added more context, spelling out the definitions rather than referencing them. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) |
        • Yes, that is correct. You should detail such things, or else the reader will wonder what you're talking about. Also, when sentences such as these are self-referencing, then you don't have to reference them. (i.e. if you said "In Knights of the Old Republic II, Gray Jedi were described as…" You wouldn't have to source that statement to Knights of the Old Republic II, because it is self-sourcing—you've already given the source) I've gone ahead and removed the extra references. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:08, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • "therefore meeting both qualifications" What qualifications? Do you mean the balanced Force alignment as well as operating outside the Council? Another way to fix this would be to say something like "…therefore meeting the qualifications of Gray Jedi as defined by [source 1] and [source 2]."
      • I worry then that I would be elevating said sources above the others, and I don't want to list seven sources in that sentence. Expressly described these qualifications again as per above. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) |
    • "However, the New Jedi Order has been confirmed to consider as Gray the entire Force traditions of the Jensaarai and the Imperial Knights." Can you state the sources that say this? i.e. say something like, "In [source 1] the New Jedi Order is stated to consider the entire…" Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:11, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • Was "Gray Jedi" mentioned in every single issue of the Star Wars: Republic: The Stark Hyperspace War comic arc? If not, you need to specify which separate issues in which it was mentioned. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:08, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • Negatory. It was either issue 36 or issue 37, and I'm not sure which off-hand. I'll have to dig through my long-boxes. Will post again once the change is made. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 16:25, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
      • It was issue 36, I have altered the sourcing accordingly. Also, if you didn't catch the above comment, the article has some new text centered around the Voss Mystics, who were just confirmed as "Gray". —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 22:34, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
        • In the future, make sure you remember to change that comic issue in the appearances section as well :). I'll take a look at the Voss Mystics soon. Sorry for being a bit behind on my review lately, school's been cutting into my free time. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 01:49, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
          • Yeah, I saw that, thanks for making that edit for me. And no worries, school comes first obviously. Thanks for the ongoing review! —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 13:56, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Tyvokka

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: And here... we... go.

(2 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:33, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
  2. RAWrnWaRthRAA RAA ROO. (You make me proud, Plo Koon) NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 13:11, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
  3. IRC reviewed. -- 1358 (Talk) 13:25, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Excellent work. ~ SavageBob 04:49, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:15, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:39, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Why does LucasFilm hate Wookiees?
    • Perhaps you should create an article on the ear-bud translators Stark uses?
      • I've actually removed the sentence wholesale. I put it in there as I was jotting down the events of the comic, but it's PbP, and largely irrelevant.
    • Context on Mount Avos.
      • In so far as Tyvokka is concerned, the relevant context is there: "the defensible position of Mount Avos."
    • The last sentence of the bio is rather confusing. It needs some context on Order 66 and the formation of the Galactic Empire.
      • Good point. It's in there now.
    • In the P&T, you use "humility" in both of the two first sentences. While this is merely aesthetic, would you mind using a synonym for one of them?
      • It's also poor writing on my part. :P Changed the second one to "modesty."
    • "The Wookiee Jedi Master was said to be able to "sense the future"—while he was kept focused on the present by his instinctive knowledge of the Force, he was also able intuit all the possibilities stemming from a given situation." The dash is really weird here. Perhaps a semicolon or just a comma would be better? Unsigned comment by NaruHina (talk • contribs).
      • Used a semi-colon instead. Thanks for the review. Thefourdotelipsis 00:03, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
  2. It should be noted in the BTS that he received an entry in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia. This should also be included as one of the sources.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:58, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added it to the sources; as for the BTS, it doesn't really need to go there. It would mean listing all the other stuff he's been in, and he's been in enough stuff since his creation for it to not be remarkable that he's in CSWE. Thefourdotelipsis 14:40, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Before I review it, I've got two things for you. Most colors have links. Brown needs to be linked. Also, use the dialogue template only for three or more speakers; use quote for everything else. Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:04, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Those are disambig pages, for the colours. I didn't think that we linked to disambigs. The quotes are fixed. Thefourdotelipsis 12:10, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • Hmm. In that case, I could be wrong. I'll talk to some other people and find out. Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:12, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
        • We do link to colors, regardless of the fact that it's a disambig page. It's not a huge deal, but you should link for colors. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:58, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Prepare to be savaged...
    • Is "Republic Classic era" an in-universe term appropriate to use in the main text of an article? (I'm really not sure, so please let me know!)
      • Yes, Republic Classic era is an IU era. It's "Rise of the Empire era" that's OOU. Don't ask me why we have it in infoboxes though...
    • No information from Jedi vs. Sith? ~ SavageBob 01:23, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • No, just a mention that he was Koon's master. Thefourdotelipsis 01:31, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Checked the Fact File? --Eyrezer 08:02, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • You might be lulled into thinking that he's interesting. Thefourdotelipsis 14:53, April 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Added CUSWE link for you.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:46, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
    • If you're going to link to yellow, than you either need to link to brown or (and I can't believe I'm saying this) remove the link to yellow. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:39, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Zevulon Veers

  • Nominated by: Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 08:30, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My first DE nom in a while.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Cheers to Veers! Menkooroo 14:08, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Ears and heres, it's in the tears! Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:46, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 18:27, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Imperialles 01:19, May 13, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. http://objection.ytmnd.com
    • Second paragraph of bio: "grew" and "growing" used close together. A minor quibble, but can you change it up?
      • Changed.
    • The finest schools... in the galaxy? In the Empire? Finest by who's standards? I'm guessing the DE Sourcebook probably doesn't elaborate on that statement, but can you take a stab at clarifying it?
      • It's not outright stated, but I suppose the implication is that they're the finest schools in the Empire. Clarified.
    • "Veers was able to make it through his adolescence relatively smoothly." Can you clarify what this means? It seems like it's about his COMPNOR training, but I'm not completely sure.
      • Clarified.
    • Is the librarian the rebel squad leader's father? The wording is a bit ambiguous. Some readers may think that Laibach is her father.
      • Clarified.
    • You mention that Palpatine was resurrected without having mentioned he died --- since you mention the Battle of Endor previously, maybe throw in a quick mention of his death? I'm cool either way on this one and won't push it if you disagree.
      • Added.
    • "During this battle, Veers found himself in direct conflict with his father." Do you know if Zev was aware of that fact? The earlier assertion that he never saw or heard from his father again kind of suggests that he wasn't. If not, I'd suggest changing "found himself" to "was".
      • The NEGC is incredibly vague on this, but I see what you mean. Changed.
    • Does DE II refer to them as "commandoes (with an e)"? If not, commandos (without the e) seems to be the accepted spelling in SW (see Lando's Commandos, Katarn Commandos).
      • Good catch, there should not be an "e."
    • The bts image is really big. Kinda awkwardly so. Then again, this may just be the resolution on my computer at work.
      • Hm, it looks fine to me. I'll shrink it down by 50px anyway.
    • Wow, those are really nitpicky objections. Sorry. Great job and I love the DE noms. Menkooroo 05:44, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
      • Hey, no problem. You caught a lot of stuff most people probably wouldn't have, so thanks a lot for the review. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 13:37, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
  2. A few things:
    • Intro: "began questioning the Empire's motives"; "increasingly grew distrustful of the Empire" aren't these the same thing? Any way of rewording the sentences to make them appear less repetitive?
      • They do seem to be saying the same thing. I've combined the two sentences to make it less repetitive.
    • P&T: "alien slaves" Alien strikes me as a little Human-centric. Would "non-Human slaves" be an acceptable rewording?
      • Yes, that's fine. I've changed all instances of "alien" to "non-Human."
    • Very clean otherwise. Nice work. --Imperialles 00:58, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • The review is much appreciated. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 01:15, May 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Does Dark Empire call the planet simply "Calamari"? Menkooroo 05:44, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
    • Right, that's all it's ever referred to in the comic. I thought it would be best to call the planet whatever name it's given during that specific time period. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 13:37, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
      • Yeah, I figured that was probably the case. Menkooroo 14:08, April 27, 2010 (UTC)

Rokur Gepta

  • Nominated by: Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:42, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I'm happy with the way this turned out. He's a pretty cool character from an underrated series, and I think his article is now up to snuff. Oh yeah, and this is a former FA from a long time ago. Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:42, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 19:57, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Yes, but the final twist in his history, I'm sure I've read it before in Jim Meddick's Robotman. The pseudo-Crokes then said the unexpected real appearance could either be a moral maxim or at least a good plot for Twilight Zone. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:52, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Farlstendoiro will not nominate the Crokes in a near future
    • If Gepta spent decades researching the Toka, and then he contacted Lando in 4 BBY, then you should include the information on his research before saying what he did in 5 BBY (joining the Sorcerers), so that information is ordered chronologically.
    • "The Millennium Falcon then left the atmosphere, much to Gepta's chagrin" I understand that the Falcon escaped (by jumping to hyperspace or anything). Anyway, if this is so, you should specify so.
    • "Gepta reflected on the fact that Shanga was the only person, aside from Calrissian, to stand up to him in millennia." Again, maybe this could be mentioned among the facts before 5 BBY.
    • Battle of ThonBoka. Consider adding "Main article: Battle of ThonBoka" to the opening of this section (Just a suggestion).
      • The "main" template is something that has always annoyed me, and since it's linked in that section, I'd rather not use that template. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
    • P&T: This is the first mention of Gepta having pets. Shouldn't they be mentioned somewhere in the history?
      • I'd say no, because they really aren't relevant to him aside from the fact that he liked them and occasionally fed crewmembers to them. That is, they don't really do anything, and certainly aren't vital to Gepta or the story. They're just a bit of an extra that reflect on him and his cruelty. It just doesn't fit in the body, I feel. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
    • I take my hat off to you.Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:26, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Myneyrsh

  • Nominated by: NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 21:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: An FGAN that lost it's status because it had no Bts.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Thank you for another species! --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:56, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ~ SavageBob 20:12, May 9, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Prepare to be savaged...
    • Just on a preliminary look, the BTS could be beefed up further. They were first mentioned in Zahn, but when was their background, culture, etc. first described and by whom? When were they first graphically depicted? Have their graphic depictions varied over time? How have the various RPGs treated them with relation to Humans (stronger? nimbler? quicker?). The article's in pretty good shape otherwise, but I'll look at the other sections next and report back here. :) ~ SavageBob 22:39, April 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • Expanded. Thank you very much for the ideas. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:24, April 21, 2010 (UTC)
        • It looks better, but there are still some problems. First, I don't think the discrepancy in their appearance in the comics and the game supplements counts as a retcon. Rather, I would take it as simply two possible phenotypes for the Myneyrshi species, much like Land Calrissian doesn't look much like Palpatine, yet both are Humans. I think, as well, that the West End Games supplements were the first graphic depiction of the species, not the comic books (I'd guess they were first pictured in The Last Command Sourcebook]]. Also, please include the name of the artist who first illustrated them. Finally, please add some information on Myneyrshi character stats in the Wizards of the Coast version of the RPG. Good work so far, look forward to more ~ SavageBob 04:01, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
          • I'veadded the WotC material and am woirking on getting the TLCS, but I'm not sure we can assume that that is a variation. Myneyrshi are recognized galaxy-wide (despite the forgetting of their planet) as a blue, glass covered being. The comic depiction has them as yellow with flesh as their outer-most layer, and without a snout. With Human and other species where the only difference between certain races is skin tone, they still retain the features and traits of the species. If they had the glass skin/snout or even just the latter, it would be different. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 04:42, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
            • I just noticed that pic was from the Sourcebook, which is completely unfindable FSR. Added that it was their first graphic depiction. However, it's my understanding they didn't credit each individual picture to the artists back then, so I'm not sure how to find out which illistrator made it. The depictin in the comics wasn't a retcon, but more likely just a continuity/coloring error on the part of the drafter. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:32, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
              • It's looking much better! Be careful about quoting game statistics too literally; most people don't understand what +2 to this or -2 to that means in real terms; I've fixed this for you. Also, be careful of UAA's lists of names; they are not "common" names, but "sample" names; I went ahead and made the change. As for my objections above, I would still like to see you name some authors and artists in "Behind the scenes." Who wrote them up in The Last Command Sourcebook? Who drew them for the first time? Who drew them incorrectly in the comic book? Because these people have played key roles in developing the species, I feel they deserve to be called out by name.<s> As for the different appearance, I'm still inclined to say that because The Last Command comic book is a canon source, its depiction of the Myneyrshi is canon and should be reflected in the article. I'd like to hear what others think about this, though, so I'm open to counter-arguments! ~ SavageBob 01:59, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
              • <s>Sorry; I didn't realize you had already replied as to the artist ID of the WEG sourcebook illustrator. I just checked my copy, and the original Myneyrshi illustration was done by David Plunkett. Hope this helps! ~ SavageBob 02:04, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
                • I've added all the artists and the writers. I think that the comic should be treated like a movie comic in respect to the difference. When there is no contradiction to the source material, it can be considered canon, while if there is one it cannot. This is similar to the differences in the duels of ROTS, like Windu v. Palpy or the Duel on Mustafar. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 17:29, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
                  • OK, only the variant appearance issue remains unresolved. I've asked some other folks from WP:A to weigh in, as I still feel the comic version of the species should be considered canon, but I can see your reasoning too. Hopefully I'll be able to support soon enough once some more people give their opinions. :) ~ SavageBob 18:27, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
                    • Eyrezer says he things the variant appearance should be considered an error, and Skippy's already supported, so I defer. Good work, and thanks for the guest nom! ~ SavageBob 20:12, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
                      • No, thank you for your review. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 03:45, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Farlstendoiro thanks you for your guest nom to WP:AS</s>
    • Intro: "strange blue crystalline flesh". Strange = NPOV ?
      • Definite POV.
    • Question: Why don't you link "knives" to combat knife?
      • I knew there had to be an article on knives somewhere.
    • Society: "their planetary neighbors, the Psadan" <- This might be understood as the people living in the neighboring planet. Maybe you should reword it?
    • "The Psadans were an unintelligent species" <- Sounds as if they were non-sentients. Maybe you could say "primitive" or "more primitive" or something?
      • Fixed.
    • "[C'baoth] tried to Force the Myneyrshi and the Psadan to cohabitate" Why do you use a capital F? You mean he used the Force to coerce them? Is it appropiate to use "the Force" as a verb?
      • It was a caps mistake.
    • History: In the first paragraph you talk about "the exploratory vessel" before telling us about it. What exploratory vessel? Maybe it could be solved simply saying "an exploratory vessel"?
      • Fixed.
    • "although thousands fled the war-torn planet, the Myneyrshi refused to leave their homeworld." So no Myneyrshi left? It was thousands of the other species inhabiting Wayland? Could you please specify this?
      • Fixed.
    • "As the only native species of Wayland" The article says that Psadans are also a native species of Wayland ("another of Wayland's sentient species" in the intro). Contradiction; please change one.
      • Fixed.
    • Made some edits to reorder sources; instead of [2][1][8] now it's [1][2][8], hope you don't mind. Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:15, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
      • I don't. Thank you. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 23:50, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
  3. File:Myneyrshi.JPG is in violation of rule #4. A re-scan wouldn't hurt, either, if you can find someone with a copy. --Imperialles 13:24, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • Done, though the scan I found is about the same quality. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 23:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Eyrezer:
    • "One of the species that the mad clone Joruus C'baoth kept under his rule from a secret Imperial storehouse inside Mount Tantiss, the Myneyrshi were nearly wiped out by the Yuuzhan Vong during the Yuuzhan Vong Invasion, despite uniting with the Psadan in a failed attempt to fight off the invaders." Can you split this sentence? It seems to suggest a link between being ruled by C'baoth and being attacked by the Vong when there isn't a link.
    • "Their experience with the Imperial occupation of Wayland after that," This is a bit of a fragment. Can you change it?
    • "defiant of technology" Can you reword this?
    • The Society and culture section could do with some reorganising. I've tried to add some subsections to give it a bit more structure, but it is still a bit shuffled. For instance, you discuss them being ostinate at the start, and then strong willed towards the end. Can you group these parts together?
    • Likewise, the first paragraph of the History should come after discussion of the Myneyrshi war with the Psadans that is said to precede it.
    • I hope you don't mind, but I've rearranged the images so that the only pic of The Last Command Myneyrshi is in the BTS. --Eyrezer 09:33, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
      • I don't mind. Thanks. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:06, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • "offering of a fowl as satnachakka" Are there any details on how/where/when this occurred? Also, "While the bird was elevated on the spire": can you explain what the spire is?
    • "Another Myneyrshi ritual was the presentation of a ritual staff, a gesture to show unity and friendship." Can you provide examples of when this occurred?
    • Can we get an article for the Myneyrsh from MedStar I: Battle Surgeons?
      • Sure.
        • He also needs to be mentioned in this article... --Eyrezer 05:08, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
          • In what context? He's not particularly notable IU. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 23:36, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
            • It doesn't matter whether he is notable IU. An appropriate place would be the Myneyrshi in the galaxy section. --Eyrezer 08:04, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • "However, when the Human colonists crashed on Wayland, they became the new enemy." This is written as though the colonists have already been introduced in the article. Can you introduce this event more directly? And is there any indication of when this occurred? --Eyrezer 00:35, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added.

shi Comments

  • Yes, the Bts is very short. There really isn't much of anything to note about these guys.
  • In nominating this article, have you checked through all the original sources or just added the Bts? As nominator, you need to be able to verify it contains all information, and not just rely on the work of its original GA nominator to have done their job. --Eyrezer 02:21, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
    • I did check the sources, with the exceptions of the RPG suppliments as they'd completely slipped my mind. I'll rectify that as soon as possible. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 23:50, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • Can you include an image from Legacy showing how the species is depicted there? Either a normal one or a mutated one could be helpful to the article. ~ SavageBob 04:03, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
    • Is how the one appears on the cover of Monster, Part 2 an accurate depiction?NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 23:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • Yeah, that's an accurate depiction of their monstrous, Vongformed look. You could use that one. ~ SavageBob 01:59, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Amber Comark

  • Nominated by Cull Tremayne 23:14, April 18, 2010 (UTC):
  • Nomination comments Spice-addicted hero:

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:49, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 05:57, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Cav:
    • Intro - two sentences immediately following one another use the phrasing "native to the Core Worlds" and "Native to Chandrila". Any chance of changing the wording or merging the sentences to avoid repetition? - Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:52, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
      • Varied up the wording. Cull Tremayne 17:53, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Xicer
    • Could you redlink Comark family in the article? Creating a page for it would be even better, but a redlink would be sufficient.
      • Done and done.
    • Imperial socialite: "…Comark resolved to take up where her friend had left off, taking up the mantle of "Tigress" and…" "Take up" and "taking up" is repetitive, could you vary the wording here?
      • Changed the second "taking up" to "assuming".
    • And that's it, great work. We need more articles covering obscure AJ stories. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 18:32, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review. :D Cull Tremayne 05:53, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Blitzer Harrsk

  • Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 03:37, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Abbott! Laurel! Burns! Martin! Cher!

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. ...Cher? Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 05:02, April 19, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Waiting for Delvardus... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:48, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote With a name like Blitzer, I expect the next warlord to be named Rudolph. - Cavalier OneFarStar Logo(Squadron channel) 09:35, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 00:19, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Farlstendoiro
    • Pellaeon is overlinked.
      • That's what he gets for retreating. Fixed.
    • Context on Teradoc in his first mention. We do not know wether Teradoc is another Imperial warlord, a pirate, an officer of the New Republic, a crimelord; only that he was self-styled High Admiral.
      • He is actually called a warlord in the intro mention, but it's added to the body one now.
    • Consider adding the names of some of the other known warlords in the Tsoss Beacon meeting. Just a suggestion.
      • They aren't named, unfortunately. - Lord Hydronium 05:46, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
    • Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:26, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Bane Malar

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 14:41, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: WTS is back, and this time... it's for money.

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Well, that was pronto. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ~ SavageBob 07:31, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote --Eyrezer 03:32, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Graestan(Talk) 14:27, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Cool character, but far from the coolest Bane ever. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:15, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Farlstendoiro and the potential Draethos guy
    • Bio: Was his telepathy a natural trait, or a developed skill? (Probably no source specifies, but just in case)
      • Natural, which has been added.
    • Kessel: "his was greatly feared". His what? Or maybe he was?
      • He was. Fixed.
    • Corellia: "The only was to remove the droids from the Meatlumps' hideout was to destroy them all" Words missing or something else. Please reword the sentence.
      • Typo. "The only way"
    • Tatooine: "Skywalker would somehow cause his death" You mean Malar's death? I initially thought you meant Jabba's death. Suggestion: Specify?
      • Malar's. Specified.
    • Tatooine: "The job botched" How was the job botched? We only know Malar had predicted his own death by connecting with Skywalker or something. Was Malar intimidated by this fact?
      • Reworded.
    • BTS: Can you mention that SWCCG was released by Decipher, Inc.? Just to avoid any confusion with WotC's SWTCG. Also, when mentioning SWGTCG
      • Specified.
    • Insert formula here ·:P Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:03, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Prepare to be savaged...
    • Just a few of things:
      • First, "those he returned to confinement were usually haunted by him for a considerable amount of time afterward." I think you mean they were haunted by the memory of him, not Malar himself, but this is Star Wars, where spirits and ghosts and things exist, so it's probably best to clarify.
        • Good point. Fixed.
      • Second, "Although the character of Bane Malar is believed to have appeared in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi . . . ." Can you rephrase this to be active voice? Who thinks he appeared in ROTJ? If it's the DB entry, just say, "Although the DataBank entry on him claims he appeared in ROTJ..."
        • Right you are. Fixed.
      • No mention of him in Star Wars Chronicles or Behind the Magic? That's it! The rest is solid. ~ SavageBob 16:18, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
        • That I do not know. I'll look into it. Thefourdotelipsis 01:37, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
          • Don't worry about it. I SOFIXIT'ed it by checking myself, and there doesn't appear to be any trace of him in either source. Nice article, BTW. ~ SavageBob 07:31, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Added CUSWE link for you.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:06, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
  • No CSWE entry or Chronicles appearance? --Eyrezer 03:32, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Sriluur

  • Nominated by: Imperialles 00:11, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Done on a whim after skimming through Grimorg.

(2 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Excellent work. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 01:15, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Nice place to visit, but wouldn't wanna live there. ~ SavageBob 16:01, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote --Eyrezer 02:10, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
  4. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:24, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:39, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Do I vote for this? The Quay ball says: "It is certain." --Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:57, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Prepare to be savaged...
    • No mention of the Houk under "Inhabitants"? As colonists to the world, I think something should be said of them here.
      • They're mentioned, but I can expand their mention quite a bit, if you want. --Imperialles 10:03, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • Expanded on them a bit, what do you think? Would more detail be preferable? --Imperialles 12:47, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • The "Behind the scenes" assumes there is a conflict among sources, but is it possible the capital city changed over time? How does that work with the chronology of these sources?
      • Pretty much all the RPG sourcebooks are set primarily during the Rebellion era, so the chronology doesn't add up, sadly. --Imperialles 10:03, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • After carefully examining the sources involved, your "changed over time" idea is quite viable. The whole section has been removed. --Imperialles 10:33, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
    • Does the world actually appear or get mentioned in the adventures within Secrets of the Sisar Run, or is it only in background material? If it actually appears, please add the individual adventures to "Appearances". That's just on a quick glance; I'll be back with more when I get a chance to read through thoroughly. Looking forward to it, though! ~ SavageBob 04:25, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
      • It's in the individual adventures and the background information. Do you want me to add the adventures to Appearances, while keeping the book itself under Sources? --Imperialles 10:03, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
        • Fixed. There were a couple of minor, paragraph-long "story ideas" in the sourcebook as well, but I am unsure whether to add them or not. --Imperialles 12:47, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
          • If they have names, I'd go ahead and create articles for these adventure ideas/hooks. I've done this before, as this is the only way to really get around the distinction we make between "Sources" and "Appearances" for these adventure seeds, which other works have referenced and, thus, which have to be considered as having "happened". See "Trouble at Galaxy Ways" for one example of an article on one of these adventure outlines. ~ SavageBob 00:56, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
            • All adventures now accounted for. --Imperialles 13:09, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
  2. IFYLOFD likes him some Weequay:
    • "The planet had enormous reserves of copper, but this resource went largely untapped by miners." Why not? Clarify.
    • Context on Xim please.
    • That's all. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:47, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added a little context on Xim. None of the sources state why the copper was left untouched, just that it was. --Imperialles 00:58, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Skippy Farlstendoiro, agent of WP:AS, will have a look at this
    • Intro: 1st paragraph: Last sentence is related to a natural astrogeographical feature, as the first 2-3 are. It feels weird having it at the end of the paragraph, after talking about economy, history and culture. Could you reorder the information to give all the astrogeography at the beginning of the paragraph?
    • Intro: "The planet was colonized by a large group of Houk around 282 BBY, which was very unpopular with the Weequay". Do you mean 282 BBY was a very unpopular year with the Weequay? Probably you mean Houks were unpopular. You could reword the sentence to avoid ambiguity.
    • Early hist: You say "even" twice in the same sentence. Please reword.
    • Houk colonization: "Thousands of Houk from the planet Lijuter colonized the planet in 282 BBY." You might want to add that they colonized the planet Sriluur.
      • Good catch, fixed. --Imperialles 12:36, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Galactic Civil War: Why was the Empire's presence a "political gesture to the Hutts"? What kind of gesture? A good-will joint effort with the Hutts, or a veiled threat?
    • Sriluur's exports and imports are mentioned only in the Box. Could you add this information to the text? (Perhaps when talking about the planet's self-sufficiency.
      • Okay, how's this? --Imperialles 12:36, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Good job! Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:56, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Knight Hammer

  • Nominated by: Lord Hydronium 08:05, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Take that, Tranner!

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 04:13, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 19:26, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:35, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just a few things...
    • You should very briefly mention the Battle of Endor and the warlordism that occurred afterward somewhere in the beginning of the History section, otherwise I don't have much context on why Delvarus "established his own personal satrapy" or why Daala wanted to "reunite the fragments of the Empire."
    • Could you link Battle for Yavin 4 somewhere in the body?
    • Do you know whether the Victories were I or II class models? The current link leads to a disambig. Similar deal with the Imperials.
    • Could you find some quotes for the body, if possible?
    • Could you beef up the Bts by a few sentences? Maybe just mention some of the other sources its been referenced in?
    • Otherwise, nice work. Can't wait to see the next Exie you guys will work on. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 17:33, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
      • All addressed or discussed in IRC. Thanks for the review. - Lord Hydronium 04:04, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Tranner takes that, and raises you a few objections:
    • More context on the Galactic Voyager in the intro and body, please.
      • Of what sort were you thinking? Both already establish it as Ackbar's ship.
    • If I recall correctly, an article was recently created for Delvardus's fortress world. Please link to that.
      • Done.
    • Is the system where the Night Hammer was located the same as the system in which Delvardus's fortress world was located? The wording isn't very clear on this.
      • Clarified.
    • Is there an article for the Battle of Khomm that Cronus participated in? If so, it should be linked to. If not, an article should be created and then linked to.
      • Added.
    • Lastly, I seem to remember the reason for the name change as a pun on the term "Jedi Knight." Does Darksaber allude to this at all?
      • Well, it's not really said out loud. The fact that it's a joke related to the Jedi is there, and I've made the Jedi connection more obvious in the body. I figure that sticks close enough to what's in the source while implying the obvious to the reader.
        • Just one more thing, then: "as a symbol of her planned destruction of the New Republic through the Jedi" can be a bit misleading (i.e., it could suggest that Daala planned to use Jedi Knights to attack the New Republic). Please reword this to clarify that the Jedi would be destroyed as well. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 19:23, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
          • Fixed and got to use the word "annihilation". - Lord Hydronium 05:31, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Not bad. The SSD competition continues. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:08, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Attack of the Floyd:
    • "This was made possible by a network of highly redundant automated command systems. " How exactly were they redundant? Clarify.
      • I would assume in the engineering sense of the term, but the specifics of the redundancy aren't clarified: "Though it was immense, the Night Hammer functioned with a relatively small crew, relying on massively redundant automated command systems." That's all Darksaber says on the subject. - Lord Hydronium 00:09, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • That's all. Nice job. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib)

Comments

Cut Lawquane

  • Nominated by: JangFett (Talk) 21:30, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: What an interesting guy.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Does he have a brother called Nick by any chance? (sorry, that was terrible XD) NAYAYEN:TALK 20:04, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. In the intro, you say that Lawquane's "transport was crashed by two Confederate gunships." Can you rephrase that? I don't think "crash" is supposed to be used that way. -LtNOWIS 01:14, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • Did some minor tweaking. Tell me what you think. :) JangFett (Talk) 05:36, April 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • Looks good. -LtNOWIS 04:50, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Nayayen
    • "As Lawquane avoided being detected by the Republic, the family..." This sounds like it should be "As Lawquane wanted to avoid being" or "So that Lawquane could avoid being" or something like that. It doesn't sound quite right as it is.
      • Addressed
    • "told the former clone" He is still a clone, just not a soldier.
      • Addressed, and fixed all other cases.
    • "The resulting crash caused many clone troopers to be either wounded or killed." This wording sounds odd. You don't say that something caused people to be wounded, wounded as a result maybe. And the repetition of "caused", although the preceding sentence is best worded as is, sounds off so you may as well kill two birds with one stone here.
      • Addressed
    • "Despite Lawquane tried avoiding...were hunting Confederate General Grievous." Eh? That whole sentence makes no sense.
      • Should be good now.
    • "Suu told her husband of why Rex was their, and..." Do you mean to say there or their guest?
      • Addressed
    • Would it hurt to say that Rex wouldn't turn them in because he "wouldn't remember due to his injuries"?
      • It's fine as is.
    • "Memories of the his squad crashing following the Battle of Geonosis haunted him, and would recall those memories he had to others, such as Rex." There's a few articles/pronouns missing here.
      • Addressed
    • Good work, but a few careless mistakes. NAYAYEN:TALK 10:15, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Trayus Academy:
    • You have a few problems with perspective in the intro. You introduce him as a former clone trooper, but by saying that you're speaking specifically from the prospective that you're given in the episode. By saying something along the lines of "Cut Lawquane was a clone trooper of the blah blah blah that later deserted the Grand Army of the Republic," you can improve flow quite a bit as well.
      • Addressed
    • The sequencing of events in the beginning of the intro's second paragraph is similarly from the POV of the audience, and not Lawquane's or an omniscient viewer.
      • Addressed; hope that helps.
        • Eh, this still needs some alteration. Something like "While Lawquane was away from the farm delivering his first harvest, the homestead was visited by a squad of clone troopers looking for refuge for their wounded captain." ... or something.
          • Sounds good.
    • Your method of explaining the reasons for Lawquane's desertion in the intro is a bit confusing. Please reword. "While Rex deemed Lawquane to be a deserter of the army, the former clone trooper simply felt that he had a choice of deserting the Republic, as he was an individual who had a life.
      • I replaced that sentence, and modified the previous.
    • You also make it sound as if the children activated the droids from within the homestead.
      • Addressed
    • Again, in the beginning of the bio, you introduce him as a former clone trooper, while at this time he wasn't yet former.
      • Addressed
    • "In 22 BBY, following the Battle of Geonosis, the first battle of the Clone Wars, Lawquane and a team of clone troopers were onboard a transport, soon to be caught between two Confederate gunships." You're going to want to reword this, as it's rather choppy as it stands.
      • You didn't really reduce the choppiness by the sentences. You can keep it as one, but streamline it and cut down the commas.
    • Are you certain it was artillery that the gunships used?
      • Seeing that would be the best choice, it wasn't explained. But, Lawquane's dialogue may suggest it. I removed it, though. Speculation.
    • Overall that first paragraph needs to be better organized, as it's extremely choppy and difficult to read through at the moment - particularly the last sentence.
      • Addressed
    • "When the clone captain awoke and attempted to use his hand blaster," - use it for what?
      • Addressed
    • This is grammatically worded strangely - "The former clone trooper also offered Rex to join his family for their evening meal."
      • Addressed
        • It was still pretty rough. I fixed it up myself—feel free to alter it if you don't like it.
    • "As Lawquane began arming himself with a blaster rifle and carbine, Rex started to organize their attack strategy, although Lawquane ordered Rex to protect his wife and children, as he was their last line of defense if something happened to Lawquane." - lengthy and has a lack of flow.
      • Addressed
    • "Cut Lawquane didn't believe in the Clone Wars" - saying you don't believe in something means you don't think it exists. You need to say something like "the principals behind the Clone Wars"
      • Should be better now.
    • "He would recall those memories he had to others, such as Rex." - There's not any evidence that he told anyone else these stories.
      • Addressed
    • I'll review it again after others have given it a look, but I would really like for you to look at the edits I made. I had to remove a lot of superfluous wordage (mainly "however"s and "although"s and "while"s) that seem to be a trend in your writing. They seem to be a major problem that causes the choppiness in certain areas. A would suggest that you read paragraphs aloud to yourself after writing them—I do this very often, and I know it's definitely helped me. If something doesn't sound right, there's usually a better way to word it. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 23:10, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
      • Yeah, it's always good to vary the words I would normally use. Thanks for the review and suggestion, Trayus. :) JangFett (Talk) 23:38, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
        • Not only variance, but sometimes you simply don't need them at all. I did some further edits, please look at the article comparison to see the kinds of things you should remember to do and not to do for future articles. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 00:42, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I would suggest you find a new main quote, as the current one doesn't really tell us anything about him that the article title doesn't. I would go for "to each his own," but it's up to you. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 22:19, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • In the introduction and in the biography-part are both '...are girl named Shaeeah and a boy named Jekk. Can you fix it, please? {{ERS:Benutzer:Nahdar Vebb}} 13:05, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Barpotomous Drebble

  • Nominated by: Cull Tremayne 06:01, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Trying to restore this article to FA, as it was only minor issues that got it de-FAd, as I understand it. Cull Tremayne 06:01, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Can you find a source for Billy Dee having advertised Colt 45? A youtube video'd probably do it. Also, maybe add "the actor who played Lando in Empire and Jedi" after you mention Billy Dee? Menkooroo 02:50, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Eelysa

  • Nominated by: Cull Tremayne 03:51, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: She's a scarecrow!

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote --Eyrezer 12:59, May 6, 2010 (UTC)
  2. StarNeptuneTalk to me! 22:26, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Lightside Explorer

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 18:06, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
  2. -- 1358 (Talk) 12:26, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  3. LtNOWIS 07:05, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. No categories?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 06:47, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
    • Crap, lost them in the transition. Don't know how I didn't notice. Fixed. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:21, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
  2. G-stan: Too detailed about what went on at the hyperspace terminal. It's about the ship, not the people. Graestan(Talk) 05:01, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • Cut it down; I still left the basic gist of what happened. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 23:46, May 10, 2010 (UTC)


Comments

Boz Pity

  • Nominated by: Imperialles 20:04, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Movie planet!

(1 Inqs/3 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:30, May 3, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 05:54, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  3. After a link check. ;) -- 1358 (Talk) 11:37, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote --Eyrezer 09:23, May 9, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just one small thing. Can you briefly explain why the electric caliphs agreed to wipe out the Gargantelles? Otherwise, the sentence about the caliphs immolating themselves has little context. Aside from that, awesome as usual. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 03:25, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Trunsk

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 15:19, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Using one of my all-time favorite WEG aliens to kick off a little WP:A side project on the species of the Colonies. ~ SavageBob 15:19, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Imperialles 16:47, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:39, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote --Eyrezer 10:07, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Beautiful. Graestan(Talk) 18:00, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 02:15, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
  6. O tempora. Mad Vornsk for my Spanish webpage, the KSC... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:01, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. A few things:
    • Intro: "The Trunsks were a species of sentient mammals natives of the planet Trunska." Is there supposed to be a comma in there? Reads a little awkwardly to me at present.
    • Society and culture: "At its most extreme level, the Trunsk temper manifest in outbursts of violence." Did you mean to write manifested?
    • Society and culture: Three instances of the word "Nevertheless" in close succession. Any way to reword some of the instances?
    • Society and culture: "For much of the history, the Trunsks were ruled by competing empires." Did you mean to write "their history"?
    • Society and culture: Emperor is usually capitalized.
    • History: "They evolved from carnivorous, quardapedal forebears" A couple of typos here, unless they actually evolved from bears. :P
    • History: "More than a century later, in 127 ABY, Trunska fell within the territory controlled by Darth Krayt as part of his Sith Empire." I believe that's supposed to be 137 ABY.
    • Trunsks in the galaxy: I think the prose would flow slightly better if you moved "One Trunsk visited the world of Port Haven, where he came under fire from an Imperial probe droid." to be after "Others joined the Alliance to Restore the Republic to fight the Empire and their people's subjugation." instead of the other way around.
    • There's a couple of instances of overlinking in the article, but nothing major.
    • Apart from that, great as always. --Imperialles 00:44, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • OK, these should all be addressed except for the emperor thing (I capitalize it when it's being used as a title, but not when it's being used as a regular noun, per most style guides), the forebear thing (as far as I can tell, that's the correct spelling); and the Port Haven thing (simply because I think that moving to after the Rebel Alliance part would imply that this guy was a Rebel, when we can't claim that from the picture alone). Thanks for the review, and feel free to disagree with any of this! :) ~ SavageBob 16:42, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
        • I don't disagree at all. I was completely unaware of the word forebear, to be quite honest! --Imperialles 16:47, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. "At some point before the fall of the Galactic Empire" Should this be Galactic Republic, as you seem to have already established that Tyl unified them during the reign of the Republic? Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:17, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • D'oh! You're right. Thanks for the copy edit, and thanks for catching that. ~ SavageBob 22:13, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Farlstendoiro thought these guys would have trunks (But I've been familiar with them for a long time now).
    • Typo in intro quote? Sic?
    • Intro quote should specify that Sully is a Trunsk, for those who aren't familiar with him/the species.
    • Bio: You mention that the lips can kiss a lady's hand, but hand-kissing can also be achieved without a real contact between the mouth and the hand. Are you sure the OS doesn't mean this kind of hand-kissing?
      • I checked the source: It specifically says Sully kissed the hand, not that he performed a hand-kissing ritual.
    • In Blaze of Glory, Sully pretends to be a slave to trick the guards of the Karazak SG. The slavers accept the possibility of a Trunsk being a slave at that point (9-10 ABY). So, even in the New Republic era, a Trunsk slave was not unheard of. Too far-fetched to mention?
    • Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:31, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • Typo fixed, intro quote identified. Good call on the slavery thing; fixed. As for the hand kiss thing, we don't really do that in the States these days. Can you elaborate on how it can be done without lips? ~ SavageBob 02:35, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Things:
    • Does the source call the Pentastar Alignment part of the Imperial Remnant? Because the PA is independent until its rump state gets absorbed into Pellaeon's IR, and this only after Darksaber; so unless the canon says so, I wouldn't say it's IR.
    • "either by their own innovation or from other sources" - is that from the text? It's a bit of an empty tautology. - Lord Hydronium 05:43, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I actually think the pic you have in the Bio section would make a better infobox pic, even if he is facing the other way. --Eyrezer 09:31, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Mission to Yavin 4

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Looks great to me.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 00:41, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Good work, rock on! —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 23:01, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 13:04, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  4. JangFett (Talk) 05:48, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:28, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Some small objections:
    • The term "Reformed Sith Empire" makes me wonder which definition of "reformed" you're using. I'd prefer "re-founded" or "reconstituted" or something along those lines. Ideally, an official adjective would be uniformly used to distinguish this Sith Empire from the others across all articles, especially Sith Empire and the disambiguation page. In the intro you describe it as the "exiled Sith Empire". It'd just be great if we got something from BioWare on this.
      • I use the term reformed, as it was reformed under the leadership of the Emperor. I'll replace it with re-constituted for now. I would advocate usage of something along the lines of Sith Empire-in-exile, but it would only be considered "in exile" up until its return from unknown space. Keep in mind that self-imposed exile is still exile, so the term "exiled Sith Empire" is still correct. I usually wouldn't place an adjective in front of "Sith Empire," but as this is a conflict between two "Sith Empires" with identical names it was necessary.
        • Could "returned" work? As in, "returned-from-exile"? Maybe this should be a discussion on the TOR WP talk page? —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 22:13, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
          • I support the discussion, but at the time which this article takes place, the Empire is not yet "returned." It's still in hiding.
    • I would think that Gynt would be listed as one of the casualties. Maybe "Gynt lost in action, reported as killed in action" or something.
      • I put him as missing in action, as the report doesn't really matter in regards to what goes in the infobox.
    • In the intro, you use the very distinctive term "still-lingering" which is then featured in a quote used in the article. I'd rather you vary that if you're going to use the quote. (If you'd really rather keep it, just say so and I can strike this.)
      • If you can suggest a better term to substitute it with, I'd be happy to use it, but "Still-lingering" seems to be the most precise way to describe it.
        • I would have just used "remaining", but I'll strike it as that's a preference thing. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 22:13, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • In the prelude paragraphs, you never mention that Ovair and Gynt were "Jedi scholars" even though you mention that Ovair was a Sith infiltrator.
      • If I'm not mistaken, they were never specifically identified as such in the timeline. Jedi scholars is a very specific branch within the Jedi Order, so I hesitate to brand them as such without official confirmation. Naming Ovair as a Sith Infiltrator is essential to understanding the story, however.
        • From the transcript: Having a similar heritage, the venerated Jedi scholar, Master Barel Ovair, took Gynt as his apprentice., so it's only Ovair that's the Jedi historian, but he is identified as such. —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 22:13, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
          • Ah, thank you. It's been linked.
    • In the first "Aftermath" paragraph, you say Dark Lord's spirit on Yavin when I think you mean Dark Lord's spirit on Yavin 4.
      • My mistake, thanks for pointing it out. It's been fixed.
    • Nice work! —fodigg BlackRebelStarbird (talk) | 20:07, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  2. The Grand Master
    • In the intro, you say that they "planned to search the Massassi Temples on Yavin 4 and delve into the tomb of the ancient Sith Lord Naga Sadow," but in the body, you mention only that they planned to explore Sadow's tomb. Which is correct?
      • Addressed.
    • Please make Ovair's intentions to destroy Sadow's spirit during the mission more explicit in the body. You mention that that was one purpose of the Ovair family, but you never really explicitly say that that was what Ovair hoped to achieve during this particular mission.
      • Addressed.
    • That's all. Nice work, as usual. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 00:41, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Vydel Dir'Nul

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:19, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Crazy…

(0 Inqs/3 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Interesting. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 23:03, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Yeah, quite interesting. Good work. -- 1358 (Talk) 12:46, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  3. I trust that you're seeking out more images. Whoo-hoo! Menkooroo 12:49, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Trayus Academy:
    • No quotes for Bio/P&T/P&A?
      • Got one for the bio. She doesn't have any good dialogue, really.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
        • Wow you're right.
    • You should make a link for the bodyguarded "individual."
      • Normally, I would. However, there is absolutely no info given on the person. Just that the individul was protected by Dir'Nul, hardly worthy of an article, IMO.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • On that note, is there absolutely no context on this "individual?" Humanoid? Anything?
    • Was there a relationship between B'risko and Dir'Nul? You don't specify in the bio. As it stands it seems like it was she who fell in love with him, but there was never any interaction between the two prior to his murder.
    • You also need to make it more explicit in the biography that she was unaware of the fact that she had dual personalities, and that she believed Kardem to be an entirely different individual.
    • Other than "After the initiation of the Clone Wars, Dir'Nul refused to fight as a Jedi General, and was not interested in fighting for the Republic's politicians, whom she viewed as greedy and self-serving." the entire first paragraph of the P&T is information restated from the bio and intro. You should alter it so instead of simply stating that she slew B'risko and the Twi'lek, say that her anger/jealousy overcame her, driving her to commit murder. And then do something similar for the rest of that paragraph as well.
      • I think it's good; I'm usually relucatant to word these types of situations unless it's stated explicitly in the source.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Dir'Nul was featured in the article The History of the Mandalorians written by Abel G. Peña and published in Star Wars Insider 80." - was she actually featured or just mentioned? I don't own the source but I have difficulty believing she actually appeared in a prominent role.
      • She was mentioned only, taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 22:49, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
    • That's it from me. Well-written. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 18:57, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
  2. A few things:
    • Could you change one of the "reverted" in the intro?
    • You give the Clone Wars context in the intro, but not in the body. Please decide whether you give context to both mentions or not.
    • That's it. Good work. -- 1358 (Talk) 04:42, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review!
  3. http://objection.ytmnd.com
    • There's no context on the battle of Geonosis in the intro ---maybe just refer to it as "the beginning of the clone wars"?
    • The sentence "whom she believed was a different individual" that you have in the bio is great. Can you include it in the intro? The opening of the intro's second paragraph is a little confusing.
    • Does the Twi'lek woman that B'risko makes out with appear in the comic? If so, create an article for her.
      • Eh, but what would I call her? She was Kardem's first Twi'lek victim.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:47, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
        • As far as article names for unidentified people go, that's actually a pretty good one. Menkooroo 14:33, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
    • Is it B'risko or B'rinko?
    • I don't think the "formerly"'s in the infobox are necessary. "As Vydel Dir'Nul" might be a better idea.
    • The second paragraph of the bio reads really confusingly. Kardem is referred to as "he", but then "her" attacker is referred to while she's still in Kardem form. The sentence "After he used her surname while pleading with her to stop attacking him, Kardem told the man he was going to kill him." is particularly confusing.
    • Can you get another image of her from the comic? There's room for it. Menkooroo 13:05, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
      • Ah, just read your comment. There are a few people who you can ask for images. Feel free to be proactive on this and ask around, rather than waiting for someone to notice it. Menkooroo 13:05, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • First, many thanks to Tommy9281 for the pre-nom review. Secondly, no other images yet. Anyone with a copy of Dark Journey feel free to upload some.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:19, May 5, 2010 (UTC)

X2

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:30, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A 60 KB long single-source article? I bet this has never happened before…

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. List of doom
    • In the early life section, you say that Grey was a Knight. However, the following sentence indicates that he was still under Kota's tutelage. The first sentence should say Grey was a Padawan, shouldn't it? Or was Kota his former Master when the Kaminoans stole Grey's DNA?
      • Grey was Kota's Padawan when the Kaminoans stole his DNA, but after that incident he became a Knight. I've tweaked the early life part to reflect this. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:54, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
        • Thanks. I'll keep looking for more objections.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:47, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Please capitalize all instances of "Master".
      • There's only one instance of "master", and I believe it's not incorrect. If the word's being used in the context of being a Padawan's master I'm not sure it should be capitalized, as it isn't a title; and you can be someone's master and not be a Jedi Master. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 14:53, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • More to come, perhaps…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:30, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Ysanne Isard (clone)

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:48, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I wonder how she would have been called if Tim Zahn had written the book. Yyysanne, Ysanneee, Yssssaaannne?

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. StarNeptuneTalk to me! 18:37, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Comet Express: I'd just like to state for the record that I've never read the X-wing novels, and my knowledge of Isard comes almost exclusively from the New Essential Guide to Characters and the New Essential Chronology. That being said, here is my review.
    • It is unclear to me why Isard wanted to kill her clone after the mission to Thyferra was over, especially after all the work she seemed to put into growing it. I assume it was due to her "ice heart" nature, but maybe there was some sort of thinking behind it?
      • Addressed.
    • "While the prisoners were being kept at the Commenor facility, the clone paid for their housing to Xenovet's trustee, the attorney Mem Wooter, from her financial institutions also in the Corvis Minor system." At this point, the clone has head trauma and believes she is the real Isard. Do these accounts belong to the real Isard and the clone stole from them, or did the clone set them up independently?
      • The book's kinda vague on this subject. The only mention of the accounts comes from Mirax Terrik and Iella Wessiri, who, unaware the clone's existence, find out that "Isard made payments for housing the prisoners through financial institutions located in the Corvis Minor system." However, as it is revealed that the Isard who kept the prisoners was in fact the clone and not the real one, the conclusion is that it was the clone who made those payments, but whether she set the accounts herself or used preexisting ones is unknown.
    • In the meantime, the clone released a series of files that supposedly showed that Krennel did not have the resources in the Hegemony to build such a project. One of them, however, the Corvis Minor file, had been tampered with to show the exact opposite Who tampered with the Corvis Minor file? The clone?
      • Yep.
    • When Krennel and Isard did not receive word from the ambushing force, the Prince-Admiral instructed the Star Destroyer Aspiration stationed in the system to check the site of the battle. I think you mean the clone here, not Isard herself.
      • Addressed.
    • The clone realized that the Star Destroyer was the property of the criminal Booster Terrik How did she discover this?
      • Addressed.
    • [Isard, however, decided to find Lorrir herself and located him in the operations room inside the hangar—"Roat," who was in fact the leader of Rogue Squadron, Wedge Antilles, had stunned Lorrir with a blaster and locked him there.] [After the failed attack, Antilles revealed to Isard that she was in fact a mere clone.] [Playing dead, Isard put static through the comm system.] Again, I assume you were referring to the clone in these sentences.
      • Yes, I was. All fixed.
    • Other than the above, it was a good read overall. :) StarNeptuneTalk to me! 23:39, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Quote, not dialogue, for the main quote. Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:06, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Addressed. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 14:25, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • The quote-not-dialogue thing is actually only for two-person, two-line quotes. I think dialogue would be a lot easier to read in this case. - Lord Hydronium 05:45, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Maw (Dark Jedi)

  • Nominated by: QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:48, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Just a little less useless than Gorc, but just as stupid.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

    • "Aboard the Vengeance, Jerec ripped the information he needed from Rahn's mind, but immediately afterward, the Jedi stole Yun's lightsaber and attacked the Dark Jedi" -> this reads a bit confusingly as to who's being attacked. You might consider revising the phrasing a bit for clarity.
    • The article occasionally lapses into general summary of events as opposed to an account of Maw. "Unexpectedly, the Jedi Master then Force-pulled..." is an example; it should be written in a more omnipresent voice or else from Maw's perspective. Kyle Katarn's arrival at Ruusan also needs to be revised to be more Maw-centric. As is it reads more like Kyle's biography; try to revise it so that Maw is the focal-point and not arriving out of nowhere, if that makes sense.
    • There's frequent info that, in my opinion, is quite superfluous to Maw. The names of the captured Rebels, the fact that Katarn is self-taught, and that he learned from Rahn's ghost, those kinds of facts seems unnecessary to me, though it's up to you what merits inclusion or removal.
    • Finally, a sentence on the ultimate fate of Jerec and his mission would help close out the biography, I think.
    • Otherwise excellent, good job. -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 22:27, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  1. A couple things…
    • The 1st paragraph in the intro says that his legs were severed, but the beginning sentence for the 2nd paragraph seems to indicate that Maw's torso was severed. Which is it?
    • In the 2nd paragraph of Early life, it states that he was mentioned in the Imperial Holovision. It was actually the final edition of the Republic Holonet news.
    • According to this, Maw's a Jedi Guardian. This should be added in the article, probably in the P&A? I already added it to the categories.
    • Other than these, you did a good job, QuiGon.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 14:24, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Farlstendoiro
    • As per Insider 84, Maw was also known as "Maw the Boltrunian" during his time as a fugitive Jedi.
    • Pic and Boc have longer full names that should be mentioned in their first mention.
    • Quote under "Search for the Valley" is partly in italics, partly not.
    • "a Rebel named Morgan Katarn". Couldn't you reword it to mention the full name of the Rebellion? "Morgan Katarn, a member of the anti-Imperial Alliance to Restore the Republic".
    • I'd like you to mention that few individuals achieved Tripzest mastery - it is mentioned in the articles of the other two Tripzesters.
    • Hmmm... Boltrunians...Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:38, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I second Acky's concern that there's probably a bit of superfluous info in there, but otherwise, nice job, and I'll support soon. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:20, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Force storm (wormhole)

  • Nominated by: Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 00:54, May 7, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: POWAHHH!

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Imperialles 23:10, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. I really want to read, fix, and review this article, but first you gotta make the first sentence of the intro less ridiculously redundant. Graestan(Talk) 16:02, May 8, 2010 (UTC)
  2. A few things:
    • Description: "violent vortices of Force energy"; "swirling blue vortices of destructive Force energy" Very similar phrasing in two successive sentences.
    • Users: "possess the ability to create"; "Darkstaff had the ability to create" Same thing here.
    • That infobox image is beautiful. Nice article, too! --Imperialles 22:40, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
      • All taken care of, and thanks for taking a look. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 23:09, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Coruscant Security Force

  • Nominated by: Coruscantfan 13:53, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: We don't seem to have very many articles about organizations that are FAed so here is one.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. A quick glance shows numerous unreferenced sentences and paragraphs. Please remember to read the requirements before nominating an article. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:29, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
    • Just for context, in many FAed articles not every single sentence is sourced, and I did read the requirements and I did have another administrator look over the article first so please don't get the impression I'm just throwing this article out here. If you could please list specific sections that in your opinion need work, I'll get right to it. Thanks.Coruscantfan 14:42, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
      • The only FAs with unsourced paragraphs have info from only one source, thus they don't need to be sourced. Paragraphs which don't have a [number] at the end are (at least) partially unsourced. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:45, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
      • All paragraphs and other sentences are sourced. Thanks for your help. Coruscantfan 17:44, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
      • You may have read the requirements, but you didn't implement them. Everything needs to be sourced. And that's something that should have been done before the article was nominated. Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 14:48, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
        • OK I went back and double checked my sourcing and filled in the gaps. Coruscantfan 16:21, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
        • All paragraphs and other sentences are sourced. Sorry about the snappishness I'm still learning and I was getting a little frustrated. Thanks for your help, I appreciate it. Coruscantfan 17:44, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Quick glance
    • Intro could use some expansion.
    • Unsourced item in infobox.
    • Use {{ref}} tags in infobox.
    • Some infobox-only stuff should be added to the main body.
    • Senate hostage crisis is a conjectural title, thus it should be pipelinked.
    • Appearances, sources and references:
      • Do not bold HoloNet entries.
      • Do not italicize databank entries.
      • Include links in references (ref 9).
      • Novel appearances/references should display the name only, i.e. [[Invincible (novel)|Invincible]].
    • Possibly more to come. -- 1358 (Talk) 16:31, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
      • Intro expanded, unsourced item sourced, infobox fixed, Senate hostage crisis pipelinked, Holonet and databank entries fixed, ref 9 fixed, novel name display fixed. Thanks for your help. Coruscantfan 17:25, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Some of the referenses do not stack as they should. Please fix.--Dionne Jinn (Something to say?) 16:47, May 9, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Include something about Coruscant Security from the TOR era.
    • Nover have two pictures where thery have text between them like in your Clone Wars section. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 04:14, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
      • The pre-Clone Wars and Clones Wars sections all are during the Old Republic days. If you are referring to The Old Republic game, then I haven't been able to find any info on CSF during that time. If you have any info along with sources let me know. Thanks. Coruscantfan 11:58, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  5. CC
    • Please check all of your referencing. References should come after punctuation and should not have a space before them.
    • The article does not do a good job of outlining specific instances in which the CSF was involved, particularly in the Clone Wars section. Also, there's information exclusive to the introduction that goes unmentioned in the body of the article, which is a big not-to-do with any type of article.
    • No lists should be used throughout the entire article unless absolutely necessary, as they tend to be rather unsightly and unhelpful if they don't explain anything. The "Known members" list in particular should detail the specific individuals and how they were related to the CSF.
    • Make sure that your appearances and sources are ordered correctly.
    • I'm sure that there are a lot more sources than the ones currently listed. Check everything on StarWars.com for TCW and otherwise, for a start.
    • Overall, the article's coverage appears rather generalized and unspecific. While I do not know if I will be able to follow up with any of these objections due to my lessened inactivity at the moment, I'd recommend that you ask someone else to help you. If any of these objections hold up the nomination, you might consider removing it to work on it and then re-nominating it when you're finished. CC7567 (talk) 00:57, May 13, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I am partially deferring to CC to see how his objections are handled. That said, there is a fact tag that needs to be resolved and some statements that seem very unencyclopedic, such as "they were simple cops…". Please make sure the tone and wording are neutral. Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 16:30, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • The fact tag is hard because its a general statement. Its like saying the GAR had a similar command structure to the Imperial army. They are both armies with sergeants, lieutenants, generals and so on and the command structure is something that is just generally accepted. A police force logically has a similar rank structure. In other words yes I am assuming, but I think its logical to say a captain is higher than a sergeant, its just common sense. That's what the statement is in reference too. And the CSF ranks have been established, at least the ones that are listed. However there is no one source that lists all the ranks and makes specific mention of the rank structure. So I'm not really sure how to source that, if it really even needs to be sourced, its kind of a duh statement. I will look at it in more detail later, and address CC's concerns, as well as the unencyclopedic references as soon as I can. At the moment my schedule is extremely busy, I will get to it as soon as is possible. Thanks for your comment. Coruscantfan 03:45, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Darth Vectivus

  • Nominated by:Tommy 9281 00:43, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Yet another notable occasion on the calendar of dread.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:53, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Great job, Tommy.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:38, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
  3. This is the Uncle Buck of Sith Lords. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 01:52, May 13, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. NaruHina
    • "Vectivus's Force phantom technique was coveted by the Korriban Sith despite their contempt for him." I'm not sure why this is in the P&T, it seems out of place, especially since it's in the P&A with much more detail.
      • Addressed.
    • "CSWE also states that Lumiya met Vectivus' spirit at The Home millennia after his death…he died centuries prior…" I don't think this is technically a contradiction. "Centuries" and "Millennia" can potentially mean the same thing.
      • I hear you, but it is still a note of confusion. I'd rather point out the contradiction instead of leaving the reader to interpret the terms as sort-of interchangeable. Let me know if you really feel it necessary for me to remove it, and I'll do so.
        • No, it's fine. It's better to ask the question than say nothing at all. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:19, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'll continue this either in a few hours or tomorrow. RLI. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:41, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • "…lingered in the labyrinthine mines underneath the Home, where in life he had once resided." Work in that the Jonex Mine was in the Home.
      • Addressed.
    • "…began to behave similarly to the extinct species that preceded them." What extinct species?
      • Addressed.
    • That's it. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:19, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review, Naru. Please advise if anything further is required.Tommy 9281 00:25, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Quote, not dialogue, for P&T. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:27, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • I think you meant P&A ;). Either way, it's been addressed.Tommy 9281 00:37, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Could you cut down on the intro a bit? It is very long compared to the body. -- 1358 (Talk) 17:15, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • Really? I don't think it is. Everything that's said there needs to be said. I would ask that you please reconsider your position.Tommy 9281 18:23, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • Fair enough. -- 1358 (Talk) 18:28, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Per WP:LG, please provide the subject's name in bold in the intro. --Imperialles 08:46, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • It already was, but for my own future reference, where does it say that in the LG? I looked for that and couldn't find it.Tommy 9281 12:11, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
      • My bad. Chalk it up to a needlessly high desktop resolution. The bolding thing is mentioned here. --Imperialles 22:44, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Grunny:
    • Apostrophe consistency. Make a decision whether to use Vectivus' or Vectivus's. Both are correct but it's better to be consistent.
      • Addressed.
    • Likewise you're inconsistent in capitalization of "the Home" versus "The Home." Whichever is used in the sources should be applied throughout.
      • Addressed.
    • I'll read through it fully soon. Grunny (talk) 00:07, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Marauder Starjacker

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:43, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The coolest starship name in all the land.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:55, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. G-stan:
    • Too much detail about Stonebone's actions at Bogga's estate. The article is about the ship, not Stonebone. Summarize more, like you did about Ambria.
      • Cut down a little bit.
    • First sentence in Commanders and crew is quite mundane and not really necessary. Please make it more concise.
      • Addressed.
    • Graestan(Talk) 04:38, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Foga Brill

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Excellent. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 02:32, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Imperialles 20:29, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Excellent. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:10, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. A few things:
    • From Judicial to Warlord: "Though Brill's region technically fell under the jurisdiction of Grand Moff Gann of Sector 5, which encompassed the Prakith system" Seems a little oddly worded. You're essentially stating the same thing twice, only using different words (Brill's region; Prakith system).
      • Good point. Removed the redundant clause.
    • From Judicial to Warlord: "ignoring repeated overtures from Imperial Center" You suddenly switch from referring to the place as Coruscant to calling it Imperial Center, without introducing the term.
      • Good spot. It's consistent now.
    • Decline and mutiny: "Brill did adopt his tactics for a time" Did you mean to write "adapt"?
      • Yep, fixed.
    • Well done. --Imperialles 20:10, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Phuii

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Imperialles 16:52, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote --Eyrezer 09:27, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. A few things:
    • Intro: "One of these was Nep Chung"; "One of these was Mars Guo" Two sentences starting with the same phrase in quick succession.
    • Biology and appearance: "For example, an individual might have one major skin tone" This seems to be a tense error.
    • History: "However, their world lie beyond the regions" Typo.
    • Linking: A few instances of linking to redirects. The areas affected are BTS, Appearances and Notes and references.
    • Good read! --Imperialles 01:11, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review! Everything should be addressed. Were there any other faulty link other than the DVD one and the Star Wars: Episode I Racer one? ~ SavageBob 16:49, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
        • A couple more, but I took care of them. --Imperialles 16:52, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Farlstendoiro and more aliens
    • Bio: "Phuii stood about 1.5 meters tall." Are you sure? Ares Nune seems to tower over the typical 6-feet clone, and Vigo Chung also seems quite tall to me.
    • The intro quote mentions "General Ares Noon". Is this a typo? A misspelling of Ares Nune? Maybe you should mention "Ares Nune, aka Ares Noon" in the body?
    • Did you check Secrets of Tatooine? I think that book listed all the movie's podracers for their (quite bad) "RPG podracing rules", so there must be something on Mars.
    • That all.Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:19, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • The images are misleading as to Nune's and Chung's heights. The angle of the clone image, for instance, is such that Nune is standing further back on a sloped platform or something. It's a poorly drawn panel, really. Other images show that he is shorter than the clone. As Guo's height is the only one we know with any certainty, I've used that one. The Nune/Noon thing is fixed; that was dissonance from Cecil Noone in the Lamproid nom. :) And as for the Mars Guo stats, I've pinged you on your talk page for some help! ~ SavageBob 15:18, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Volfe Karkko

  • Nominated by:Tommy 9281 18:35, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: No soup for you!!

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 12:46, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Couldn't you stop writing these noms that make me hungry? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:12, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Just one that I see; In the section "Freedom," it states that Secura is a Padawan, yet the intro say she's a Knight. Which is it?--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:19, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • Addressed. Thanks for the review, Kasra. Please advise if anything further is required.Tommy 9281 22:25, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Karkko's inspiration of Nikkos Tyris, from Evil Never Dies, is worth a mention. That second bit on Karkko in END actually doesn't seem to be in the article; there's some stuff about Karkko's teachings too. - Lord Hydronium 07:57, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
    • **Gasp** Shame on me for leaving that out, it has since been addressed.Tommy 9281 16:11, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • Something about this bit too (from END): "Karkko's apocryphal teachings in which he found frequent reference to and snippets from Sith tomes". Could probably fit somewhere in the P&T. - Lord Hydronium 18:46, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
        • Addressed. Thanks for the review, Hydro. Please advise if anything further is required.Tommy 9281 19:48, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
          • Hm, I think that's a misreading of "apocryphal". Karkko's teachings are the ones that are apocryphal, so it's not in the sense of "inauthentic", since we're told they're his teachings, but "esoteric" or "outside the canon". "Unorthodox" might be a better word. - Lord Hydronium 19:52, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Skippy Farlstendoiro has always likened this guy to Fu Manchu
    • Following Order 66, Commander Bly was also briefed on Karkko's exploits (as Bly writes a report about Secura having been controlled by him). This could be added to the "Legacy" part.
      • I considered this and ended up thinking that is really relevant to Karkko. Moreso to Secura, but not Karkko.
    • P&A: In the quote, could you add who is Karkko talking to?
      • Addressed.
    • Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:18, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review, Skippy. Please advise if anything further is required.Tommy 9281 20:12, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • While I appreciate humor, the pipelink gives a problem: The {{FANom}} template on Karkko's page does not redirect to this section, only to the top of this (very long) page. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:56, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • You are absolutely correct. What a bummer. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.Tommy 9281 18:18, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
      • There is a way to pipelink the header and still get {{FAnom}} to work. Simply add {{Anchor|actual article title}} next to the header on the same line. Also, if my subpage proposal passes, then once we convert everything to the new system, you'll be free to pipelink the header all you want as the new {{FAnom}} will link to the subpage instead of a section on the main page. —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers) 20:29, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
        • …Accept that that didn't work. Thanks anyway.Tommy 9281 22:31, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
          • I only knew that because I also tried to make that joke. ·:( --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:19, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Yinchorri

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:17, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The only species to appear in the "Major rebellion movement" Succession box. Eat your heart, Yuuzhan Vong.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. The Legacy 31 appearance should be noted wherever appropriate (Duursema's statement confirming it's a Yinchorri). - Lord Hydronium 06:15, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
    • Like this? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 07:48, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'd separate the Duursema comment into a BTS item and keep the actual footnote to just the comic. You also might consider a note about their presence in the stormtroopers in "in the galaxy", but if you think that's too redundant, it's not necessary. - Lord Hydronium 07:53, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • Awesome pick for an article. I'm just wondering about the opening sentence and the BtS statement. You claim that they were called the Yinchorree in the Marvel comic. Is this true? And if so, could you point out the page number? In my copy, they're still called the Yinchorri, but it's spelled "Yinchori" with only one "r". Is this perhaps from a different language version of the same comic? Cull Tremayne 07:21, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
    • I checked my (non-ALTA, English) issue as well, and couldn't find "Yinchorree" anywhere. --Imperialles 22:46, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
      • You're both right; I don't know where I took that spelling from. Must have been a typo of mine. Anyway, replaced. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:17, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Lamproid

  • Nominated by: ~ SavageBob 07:09, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A face only a Shistavanen could love. ~ SavageBob 07:09, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Nice work. Some redirect links remain; namely the reference links to the Atlas and SWG. --Imperialles 12:55, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Oh, if I wasn't married I'll consider kissing that Lamproid mouth... --Skippy Farlstendoiro 06:47, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Skippy is back
    • Underlinking: Pheromones (Btw, not "pheremones")
    • Bio, 4th paragraph. Can't you specify whether the caged Lamproid was a male or a female, instead of saying "it"? I seem to remember it was a female.
    • Hist, 3rd paragraph. I'm unconfortable with the use of "east" and "west" when talking about a planet's relative position. Does the OS use these terms, or are they assumed from seeing a 2-D map?
    • Same: Your wording suggest that Mon Calamari come from Mon Calamari and Quarren from Quermia. I ask you to specify that both species come from the same planet. And, btw, why did the Lamproids contacted the Calamarians and not the Quermians?
    • BtS: "Some sources do not capitalize the word lamproid"; "See, for example". Could you offer an exhaustive list of sources not capitalizing the word, instead of adding one example?
    • BtS: Hasbro did not produce simply an Ibegon action figure independently sold; it was sold as an "additional item" in a single pack with Trinto Duaba. This could (I think should) be added.
    • BtS: The Lamproid seen in Jabba's barge in Decipher's card is not really seen in Return of the Jedi; instead, it's a pasted image of Ibegon in the new background. This should be added.
    • Suggestion: The article is long enough to accept one more image.
    • Lamproids are cute. Can I get one? Please? Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:49, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • The pheromones, gender thing, Mon Cal/Quarren thing, sail barge thing, and illustration thing should be fixed. As for east/west/north/south, the Essential Atlas has established that these terms are kosher for describing galactic locations (presumably because it helps readers understand things, but it's in-universe too). As for the Quermians, the OS doesn't mention any encounters with them, so I can't say why, unfortunately. For the capitalization thing, I can comb through the sources again if you insist, but I didn't take notes on that way back when, and any future researching is going to have to wait quite a few weeks since I'm moving into finals! As for the action figure, I'm not convinced it's pertinent that Ibegon was released as part of a two-pack with Trinto Duaba. We usually don't even mention action figures; the only reason this one is notable is because it revealed her full anatomy for the first time. Finally, you should contact the Animal Control Division of CorSec; they may have a spare Lamproid or two. :) ~ SavageBob 04:15, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • There are a few redlinks left; these will be dealt with ASAP, but I need to go to bed for now... ~ SavageBob 07:09, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

Sander Delvardus

  • Nominated by: Chack Jadson (Talk) 19:23, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Recently passed GA, 1,020 words.

(5 Inqs/2 Users/7 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Inqed on the good ol' GAN. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:24, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Nice work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 19:28, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Read on the GAN. CC7567 (talk) 21:37, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 17:56, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Grand Moff Tranner Imperial Department of Military Research (Comlink) 20:23, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Jedi Kasra (comlink) 21:16, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Inqvote This is why Daala is my b*tch.Tommy 9281 15:45, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Only one: can you state his gender and species at the beginning of either the intro or bio? Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 05:49, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Shimrra

  • Nominated by: Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:11, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: It is my pleasure to present to you Dread Lord Shimrra, Supreme Overlord of the Yuuzhan Vong.

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Support

Object

  1. Farlstendoiro is deeply moved by this nom
    • In "The tide turns", you mention Nom Anor using the alias Yu'shaa to oppose Shimrra through the Jeedai heresy. Shimrra actively wants to kill Yu'shaa. Next thing we know about Anor (in "Dissidence and intrigue"), he has found Zonama Sekot and changed his strategy to blackmail Shimrra into an alliance with him. What ever happened to Yu'shaa? Did "Yu'shaa" simply disappear?
    • At the end of "The invasion begins", Shimrra has began slipping from Onimi's control. Onimi's later interventions do not mention his control on Shimrra until "Dissidence and intrigue", when Shimmra's "was completely insane, his mind twisted by Onimi's visions of power and hatred of the gods". What ever happened with him "slipping from his control"? Was he finally unable to achieve anything? Did Onimi ciment his position?
      • Onimi had already cemented himself, I'd say. The books don't really talk about this much, and I think that there's not much that can be said without going into the realm of OR. It is confirmed that regardless, by the events of TUF, Shimrra was absolutely nuts. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:53, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Shimrra is only mentioned to have hidden Anakin Solo's saber in his robes when he finally uses it, which is not a good chronological order. Please, mention this fact before (For example: "In his private quarters with Onimi and fifteen Slayers, Shimrra waited. Shimrra had hidden in his robes the lightsaber of Anakin Solo who had died yadda yadda")
    • "As Shimrra moved to decapitate Skywalker, the Jedi used the Force" As "Jedi" is both singular and plural, you could be talking about Skywalker using the Force, or the three Jedi (Luke and the twins) using the Force together. Please, avoid ambiguity.
    • P&T: "Shimrra was characterized by his (...) political skills." He lost a lot of support through the War; he isn't so good in politics IMHO.
      • Added a bit about how despite his political skills and manipulation, the others lost faith in him. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:53, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • P&T: I know this is difficult but, how much of his personality, ruthlessness and so is a personal trait of him (or of Onimi), and how much is simply the typical behavior for a member of his species and culture? Can this be specified? Probably most Yuuzhan Vong would kill people for heresy if it was in their power, for instance.
      • Added a small bit at the beginning of P&T about how he was vicious even for a Vong. Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:53, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • If you're bored now, WP:AS could use a featured article on the Yuuzhan Vong species ·;) Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:09, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • I've actually been toying with the idea of FAing the Vong, but I probably won't get around to it, just because it'd be so much work. Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:41, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • A few notes. The old article stated that he was born on a worldship and was of the Intendant caste before becoming the Supreme Overlord. However, I could not find this info in any source, so if you know where it is, please let me know. Second, the timeline is a bit fuzzy on some things. One example of this is that we don't know if Shimrra overthrew Quoreal, then Onimi took control of him, or Onimi took control of him and then Shimrra launched his coup. I chose the latter, because I feel it is more supported by canon. We also don't know exactly when Onimi began losing control of Shimrra, but I think the date I picked is approximately right (I also tried to keep it somewhat vague). Third, we don't really know how much of Shimrra's personality is his, and how much is Onimi's. I think the way I presented it works well, in that I say "much of what he did was at Onimi's direction," then detail his actions and traits. Finally, there are some parts (particularly the first section), where I have massive amounts of context. I feel that all of that is necessary because of how complex the NJO is. It has the luxury of explaining all this info in small increments over 20 books, whereas I get one article. Some things require a lot of explaining, or readers would be confused, and although the info may at first appear to be irrelevant, I don't think it is. Simply put, the NJO is complicated. Anyway, that's it, and I hope you enjoy my nom. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:11, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

First Battle of Saleucami

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Pre-nom reviewed. CC7567 (talk) 17:42, May 16, 2010 (UTC)
  2. I read it through some time ago, and it looks wonderful. Your image use is fantastic. :) -- 1358 (Talk) 12:36, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  3. Complete, through and through. Excellent job.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 19:48, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Taurill

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:32, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: They are sentient, no matter what you've heard. If Ranats were sentient, Taurills are, too.

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Support

Object

  1. Could you include another image in the article? I'm sure there's something even a bit related to them. -- 1358 (Talk) 15:20, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Jabba the Hutt's Will

  • Nominated by: -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 20:21, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: You can never have enough Jedi Prince

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Support

Object

  1. Farl: If "The recording [was] entitled JTHW", shouldn't you begin the intro with "Jabba the Hutt's Will, entitled JTHW and also known as Jabba's true will and testament (as per NEGC)"? Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:20, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Grizz Frix

  • Nominated by: Thefourdotelipsis 23:24, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Already one of dem GA things.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 00:40, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Nice. --Imperialles 16:30, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  3. I agree! Nice. Menkooroo 02:41, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Grand Master
    • "inspired by Angela Phillips's short story Slaying Dragons, which was included in the Tales of the Bounty Hunters anthology." Do you mean "Tales From the Empire?"
      • Gah! Brain fart. Fixed.
    • More of a question than an objection: does the source actually state that it was "bad luck" that prevented him from eventually joining Rogue Squadron? If not, that's a little speculative/POV.
      • I've changed it to "mishap."
    • Fine work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 23:57, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review, and the linking. I'm a tad embarrassed... wrote this a long time ago, but I probably should have checked it again for links. :S Thefourdotelipsis 00:37, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Just a coupla post-IRC objections...
    • Can you give context on Rogue Squadron and Mon Mothma? I realize they're linked to, but even a single extra word or two, respectively naming them as an elite starfighter group and the Alliance COS, maybe (Rogue Squadron in the intro too)?
      • Done.
    • Should the last sentence of the first paragraph of bts be sourced to his db entry? As it doesn't mention his db entry, it's not really self-sourcing. Menkooroo 01:53, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Kurth San

  • Nominated by: Jinzler 14:55, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A military officer

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 17:44, May 18, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Xicer
    • Bio: "Expecting an imminent full-scale, San devised a plan to evacuate the city…" There appears to be a word missing here. Attack? Invasion? Please fix.
      • Yup, there was a word missing, but not any more :) --Jinzler 17:39, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • P&T: "He was also very neat in his appearance, and was admired for this." Admired by who? Does the source specify, or is it left vague?
      • Unfortunately, the source does not specify this --Jinzler 17:39, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Bts: "…outlines were given for how the event staff could play to roles the various non-player characters in the scenario, including San. I'm not sure what this is trying to say, can you rephrase it?
      • Rephrased, hopefully it should make more sense now --Jinzler 17:39, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • Otherwise, great work. It's nice to see a Living Force FA. Xicer9Atgar(Combadge) 17:00, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
      • Cheers, we really should have more of these things --Jinzler 17:39, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Farlstendoiro likes Living Force Campaign
    • "During the event, San operated an information stand for the Thaereian military, but didn't enjoy giving information people." I think this sentence is missing at least one word somewhere.
    • I'm not really sure about the evacuation. San wanted to evacuate both troops and civilians from Soboll, right? Or maybe there were no civilians there? Maybe he wanted to evacuate some of the civilians there?
    • History, the 4th paragraph's last sentence "He then went into his office" "He also activated". I might be dense this morning but, are you talking about San or about Tyeb?
    • When you say that San spoke Tarasinese, you might specify that it was the language of the native species of Cularin.
    • Do RPGA had a canon ending for Soboll? You know those "tests" at the end of the adventure, that officially apply to further supplements and so.
    • Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:04, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Lens Reekeene

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:25, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: 1421 words, fresh from GAN, and my first character FAN.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Read through it when it was nommed for GA. -- 1358 (Talk) 13:49, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Rawk

  • Nominated by: Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:46, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Probably one of the coolest Skywalkers, IMO…

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Damn, Skywalkers can grow awesome moustaches. Menkooroo 13:50, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. One quickie: Is Anakin Skywalker important enough to mention in the intro? -- 1358 (Talk) 14:10, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Star:
    • Does the Insider article explicitly say that Skeeto is Droo's child, because from the text on the Skeeto article, I was under the impression that he was adopted by both Rawk and Droo like Micah was. Judging by the context here in the Rawk article, I'm assuming Droo adopted Skeeto before she met Rawk?
    • "Rawk mantained a friendship with the Shipmaster Ure'monbarak on the planet Dac, which supported his family." How did his friendship with Shipmaster Ure'monbarak support Rawk's family? Did Ure'monbarak provide Rawk with work?
    • Why was Black Sun attacking Rawk's Nest? Was there a reason behind it?
    • "They brought her inside and she explained to the family how she had survived the massacre" I think this sentence could use a little more elaboration, as well as maybe explaining her past connection to Cade and a brief explanation of why she was after Cade.
    • "...when Fel explained that Rae was an Imperial Knight, Cade tried to attack them" Okay, Cade just found out that Azlyn Rae is an Imperial Knight, but why did he try to attack the other Knights?
    • "Rawk bid his nephew farewell as Cade, his crew, Shado Vao, Rae, Draco, and Krieg departed to carry out the plan regardless." Okay, Cade was just attempting to attack the Imperial Knights, and now they are going on a mission with him? I'm confuzzled.
    • "Aware that Cade had lied about Rae wanting to live, gave Rae to Droo, and Rawk promised Cade to do whatever it took to save Rae." Maybe make a mention here that Droo asked him if Rae said she wanted to live, and he lied and said yes.
    • Okay, I think that is all. StarNeptuneTalk to me! 17:22, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

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