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This page is for the nomination of Good articles. A Good article is an article that adheres to certain quality standards but cannot reach Featured status due to its limited content. This page is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like. For a list of Good articles, see Wookieepedia:Good articles.

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View recent changes for this page and its subpages

Rescue of Attichitcuk

  • Nominated by: Commander Code-8 Hello There! 10:15, November 22, 2018 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Longest article I've written since my return, this is gonna be rough

(1 ACs/3 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Fan26 (Talk) 15:17, November 26, 2018 (UTC)
  2. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 15:11, November 28, 2018 (UTC)
  3. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 17:30, November 28, 2018 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Ayrehead02 (talk) 22:16, February 18, 2019 (UTC)

Object

QGJ
  • The prelude section is way too detailed and play-by-play, with lots of extraneous info not necessary to the understanding of the subject of this article. Example:

Both sides faced the threat of the gundarks, a predatory species on Alaris Prime, and independently decided to destroy the creatures. Attichitcuk's son Chewbacca, with the help of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, trained a group of bowcaster troopers and marched towards the gundark nest. The Wookiees arrived to witness B1 battle droids of the Trade Federation Droid Army exterminating the gundarks. The battle droids then opened fire on the Wookiees, who returned fire and won the resulting battle.

  • You can easily throw out this entire paragraph, and just summarize that the Wookiees found out about Trade Federation presence on the moon, in one sentence.
    • Breaking my heart here. Done
  • Some paragraphs look too big in the Oasis skin (mainly the second prelude paragraph and the Bts)
    • Trimmed some fat from that prelude paragraph, I think that's enough, and split the Bts
  • Context needed on DRN-38
    • Did what I could
  • The infobox claims that 13 Bowcaster troopers participated in the mission. Yet in the text you mention 10 troopers departing with Chewbacca initially and then another group joining them. Did the second group only consist of three troopers? Please clarify the numbers here.
    • I'm counting Chewie as one of the troopers, since I wasn't sure what else to call him, the other two are just because the strategy guide recommends sending multiple troopers for the next phase. I've updated the infobox slightly in the best way I could manage
  • Through use of the Force, an energy field the Jedi accessed, This context is superfluous and unnecessary. "The Force" does not require further context.
  • "The rescue" section should better establish that Jinn gave commands during the mission. Right now, his participation is not enough to qualify him as a commander, but if you incorporate the quote into the text, it might rectify this issue.
    • Added in, also updated a bit I'd forgotten about earlier so Qui-Gon's role should be much clearer.
  • And on Jinn's advice the medical droid healed the injuries gained before the party proceeded. You should first establish that the party received injuries during the fight, before talking about treating those injuries. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 21:05, November 22, 2018 (UTC)
Fan26
  • "Upon reaching the base Attichitcuk was sent into the base's command center for protection, and soon after three droidekas, a stronger type of battle droid, were sent by DRN-38 to attack the base, which Chewbacca and the Wookiees swiftly repelled." This is a bit of a run-on and can probably be split into two sentences given that the two different subjects (Attichituck and DRN) perform two different actions that are only loosely related. Fan26 (Talk) 23:36, November 25, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done
  • "As Chewbacca's party reached the other side of the river on the return trip, a group of six B1 battle droids awaited them, and with the help of the second group of Wookiees they were swiftly destroyed."
    • The phrase 'on the return trip' feels a bit off. I'm not sure if it seems superfluous though-could you try just rewording it?
      • Howzat?
        • Thanks.
    • Saying the droids awaited them seems to imply that the wookiees are still making their way towards the other side of the river. Could it be changed to something more combative, like "engaged" or "attacked" or some such "war verb"?
      • I was trying to be mindful of the amount of times I used such words, turned out I hadn't even used "engaged" in this article.
    • "the second group of Wookiees" Is this referring to the group that departed after the healing to rendezvous with the first group? If so, both this and the earlier mention might need to be clarified-reading it now, I'm not sure how many groups of wookiees are heading where. The first mention kinda implies (at least to me, so I might be overthinking this) that the first group that rescued Attitchuck disappeared or something and throughout the section it's not clear if the second group left the base to go help escort Attichituck back or they came from somewhere else. Fan26 (Talk) 23:49, November 25, 2018 (UTC)
      • I believe some overthinking has occurred here, but hope it's clearer now. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 13:05, November 26, 2018 (UTC)
        • Yeah, this was the result of too much nitpicking. Thanks for clearing it up though, if somewhere down the line it seems like it should be changed, go ahead and do so. Fan26 (Talk) 14:04, November 26, 2018 (UTC)
Anil
  • Trade Federation Droid Army is infobox-exclusive. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 06:40, November 28, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. Realized I'd missed Jedi Order too. Also I noticed you deleted the reference in the last sentence of the Bts, I see the logic behind it but I'd just like to know if that's specifically part of our policies, I couldn't find it. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 12:33, November 28, 2018 (UTC)
      • I don't think it is directly mentioned in the policies, but that is how it was handled in previous status article nominations, like this one. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 15:11, November 28, 2018 (UTC)
Fred strikes back
  • "Aftermath" has a duplicate reference.
    • That's a funny way to spell prelude :P
  • "The rescue" has a duplicate link. I went ahead and removed it, but just keep an eye out next time. There is actually a function in "My Tools" at the bottom of the Oasis skin that allows you to check for duplicate links.
    • Thanks, I've had redirects set to highlight for years, can't believe I didn't have this one.
  • I think it'd be best to make you image captions consistently present tense when depicting an event. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 19:43, January 12, 2019 (UTC)
    • Fair call, ended up just changing the first one entirely so that it actively describes what is being depicted. Commander Code-8 Hello There! 13:08, January 15, 2019 (UTC)
Ayrehead
  • I think some of your paragraphs could do with splitting, specifically the second in Prelude and the first in the Rescue. After doing this you could probably section the prelude since it'll have four paragraphs. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:31, February 1, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done. Will get an audio file for the new quote tomorrow.
      • The images should probably be reverse to go left, right, left in order to avoid having one directly beneath the infobox. Ayrehead02 (talk) 00:23, February 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • Shouldn't Chewbacca be included in the Strength section of the infobox since he actually participates? Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:31, February 1, 2019 (UTC)

Comments

Daimlo

  • Nominated by:OtterSurf (talk) 22:04, November 28, 2018 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(2 ACs/2 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Good work on the objections! Hope to see you go the extra mile and write up Daimla, as well. Imperators II(Talk) 19:46, December 16, 2018 (UTC)
  2. Nice work indeed. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 23:02, December 17, 2018 (UTC)
  3. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:52, December 20, 2018 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Very nice job handling all these objections. Keep up the good work. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 21:21, December 29, 2018 (UTC)

Object

AnilSerifoglu
  • The infobox's sentience parameter is empty. It should also be mentioned in the article body itself, and the word "sentient" in the intro should be pipelinked to sentience.
  • Duplicate references
  • The article is inconsistent about the use of quotation mark for "Scorch" Zanales.
  • The infobox has a link to a redirect page: Scorch Zanales
    • I also fixed another redirect page, Legends, in the article. I really recommend turning the "Highlight all redirects orange." gagdet on from the Preferences for your future nominations, it comes in handy. ;) TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 10:24, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • The article needs some linking, such as Podracer (profession)/Legends, Podracer/Legends, Pilot/Legends, Color/Legends etc.
    • I've added a few more links if you don't mind, and fixed a few links that were pipelinked to canon articles. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 10:24, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Is there another image available for the species? The one in the body is simply a resized version of the infobox image.
  • The image caption shouldn't have a full stop per the Layout Guide. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 05:52, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • All of the aforementioned concerns have been dealt with. Some schoolboy errors were made, I'll admit. I also added a new source. There is no other picture of a Daimlo anywhere, so I worked with what there is. OtterSurf (talk) 08:51, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Eye and skin color info are infobox-exclusive. PS: I've removed the "white" from the eye color parameter as it looks like a human eye, so no need to add sclera color. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 10:24, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Just wanted to let you know that this one is still here. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 10:52, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Since it's an article about a species, I think you should mention that Zanales was male somewhere in the article. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 10:24, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • I don't think the last sentence of the BTS is relevant to this article. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 10:28, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Does Star Wars: Racer Revenge: Prima's Official Strategy Guide explicitly say it's 24 BBY, or say something like "... years before/after ..." If it's the latter, you'll need an additional reference note. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 10:52, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • The intro to Racer Revenge specifically states that it takes place eight years after EP1, meaning it's 24 BBY. I've corrected the reference. OtterSurf (talk) 11:12, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • Sorry to interject here, but you still need a manual reference note then that explains how, according to some source, Episode I is set in 32 BBY and how the game is set eight years after that, and therefore in 24 BBY. Imperators II(Talk) 11:32, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • Added. OtterSurf (talk) 12:43, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • "according to some source, Episode I is set in 32 BBY". Please specify this source in the reference note. Imperators II(Talk) 12:49, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
Imp
  • The fact that Daimlo is temperate is intro-exclusive. Imperators II(Talk) 11:03, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Can Daimla's location in the Kallea sector really be sourced to the video game? Imperators II(Talk) 11:03, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • No, it's the Essential Atlas companion. I've corrected it. OtterSurf (talk) 11:15, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • You can't source the fact that the species evolved to sentience on Daimla to the Online Companion, nor the fact that there actually existed a world called Daimla. Those need to be referenced to some of the other sources. Imperators II(Talk) 11:22, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Is this claim supported by the listed source, or is it just extrapolation from the fact that there was a Daimlo company that produced a Podracer? "Daimlo society was well aware of Podracing,"? Imperators II(Talk) 11:03, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Extrapolation. Maybe "well" aware is too strong. I'll correct that. OtterSurf (talk) 11:17, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • My point is that you should not extrapolate it at all. Just state that there was this company, Daimlo Engineering, that did stuff. Imperators II(Talk) 11:22, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • Got it. OtterSurf (talk) 11:25, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • "At least one Daimlo company" is still worded too speculatively. This conveys the supposed possibility of more Daimlo companies producing Podracers, when there's really no need for that. Just keep it simple by outright naming the company. Imperators II(Talk) 11:50, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
            • I'll get right on that. OtterSurf (talk) 11:52, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • The last sentence of BTS is just repeating information present in the Sources list, and so should be cut. Imperators II(Talk) 11:03, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 11:19, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • No, the sentence is still there. Imperators II(Talk) 11:27, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • Could you clarify that? OtterSurf (talk) 13:39, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • Well, my original objection remains unchanged: the last sentence of BTS should be cut. Imperators II(Talk) 13:44, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • I think you should reword BTS to be clearer about the chronology of the species' appearance. The way I understand it, the species first appeared in the game, and was subsequently identified by the game guide. Imperators II(Talk) 11:03, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 11:26, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • Please reference the BTS correctly. Imperators II(Talk) 11:28, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • This is the only outstanding point right now; can you clarify? OtterSurf (talk) 12:22, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • First off, this is definitely not the only outstanding point right now, see all my other objections, both above and below this one, and also the one in Anil's subsection above. Second, the fact that Daimlos first appeared in the game should be referenced to the game itself, not the guide. Imperators II(Talk) 12:26, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • I'd like to see a contextual qualifier for Euceron and Gamorr. Imperators II(Talk) 11:03, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Please explain. OtterSurf (talk) 11:41, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • "the [insert region] planet Euceron" would do. Also please provide a region for Daimla. Imperators II(Talk) 11:43, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 11:52, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • Again, Dangerous Games does not place Euceron in the Mid Rim, so you need a separate reference for that. Imperators II(Talk) 12:09, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
            • Oh, duh! Of course. Doing that. OtterSurf (talk) 12:18, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
              • Again, you're referencing all the stuff about Zanales to The Essential Atlas. Imperators II(Talk) 12:28, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
                • Not sure of any other source which would be useful there. I don't think Euceron's placement is referenced anywhere else. OtterSurf (talk) 12:43, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Similarly, is "Daimlos were well known in the galaxy," also extrapolated from the fact that Skywalker recognized one Daimlo as such? Imperators II(Talk) 11:04, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • The "Daimlos in the galaxy" section should be restructured somewhat. First, you mention the Galactic Games and the Hutt Championships, and then you seem to go into a bit of detail on the Gamorr course, and then into much more detail on the Championships again. I think you should move the initial mention of the Championships to its appropriate place, and see if it can be made into a separate paragraph. The Skywalker paragraph is only one sentence long and therefore should be incorporated earlier in the first paragraph. Imperators II(Talk) 11:26, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Trimmed. TBH, I think the further information would be more appropriate for The Zanales page itself, so I cut it from this page. OtterSurf (talk) 11:39, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • You have infobox-exclusive color information. Imperators II(Talk) 11:30, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Unsourced item in infobox. Imperators II(Talk) 11:30, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • The structure of "Society and culture" feels a bit off. First you should talk about the "fundamental," "physical" aspects of the culture, i.e., the rituals. Then you should talk about the languages spoken by members of the species, and only then you should mention Daimlo Engineering, which (correct me if I'm wrong) is only known to share its name with the species, not necessarily to be founded or run by them. Imperators II(Talk) 11:55, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • I don't believe there's any reason here to reference the languages and Zanales' name to different sources in the infobox and body. Imperators II(Talk) 11:55, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Please provide context for Hutt Championships. Imperators II(Talk) 12:24, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. I also added the date for the Galactic Games. OtterSurf (talk) 12:37, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • That's good, but the date is not mentioned in the novel and therefore needs a separate date reference. Please see all the above objections. Imperators II(Talk) 12:42, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Right now, "Biology and appearance" makes it sound like only the skin on Daimlos' heads was gray. Imperators II(Talk) 12:24, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • I am unsure if Zanales' entire torso is clothed or if his skin in that region is indeed pink, but I've corrected it nonetheless. OtterSurf (talk) 12:31, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Can it be specified in "Daimlos in the galaxy" that Zanales' homeworld was Daimla? Imperators II(Talk) 14:02, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • I already mentioned that Zanales excelled in the rituals on his homeworld, but sure. Done. OtterSurf (talk) 14:06, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • The prior wording just didn't connect Daimla, which had rituals, with Zanales' homeworld, which also had rituals. I've sourced it to the Racer Revenge guide, since I assume it is stated there. Imperators II(Talk) 14:10, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • Great. It's also stated outright on the Starwars.com article if that helps. OtterSurf (talk) 14:16, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • The StarWars.com article doesn't identify Daimla by name. Imperators II(Talk) 14:18, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Alright, everything sourced to the Podracers blog article should be reworded to stay closer to the source:
    • "Daimlos had strict cultural traditions" — this is entirely your own extrapolation and should be cut. Imperators II(Talk) 14:18, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • "one year-long coming-of-age ritual" — we don't know if there were several rituals, so you shouldn't frame the wording as if there were. Imperators II(Talk) 14:18, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • The article doesn't say that "unpredictable tactics while Podracing" helped gain Zanales any popularity. Neither does it say that about "proficiency in smashing into opponents". Imperators II(Talk) 14:18, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • This remains unaddressed. Imperators II(Talk) 14:43, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • No, I took care of it. OtterSurf (talk) 15:02, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • No, you didn't. Please take the time to read the source article again. It says Zanales was popular with crowds, and that he was unpredictable and proficient in beating up enemies. It doesn't say the latter was the cause of the former. Imperators II(Talk) 15:10, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • You should specify Daimlos had "skullplates," which is more specific than "head plates." If no other source supports the use of this specific term, reference it accordingly. Imperators II(Talk) 14:18, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • All taken care of! I reworded some sections to be closer to the original article. OtterSurf (talk) 14:29, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • See above. Also, "were undoubtedly factors in this status" is POV-ish. In addition, use of the pronoun "this" kind of runs counter to our past tense requirement, see what you can do about rewording it. Imperators II(Talk) 14:43, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • The article needs to be updated with information from The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia. The entry for "Zanales, Scorch" on p. 367 of Volume III uses "Daimlos" for both singular and plural forms of the species' name. It also says that Zanales and the other young Daimlos participating in the contest used both their skullplates and their horns. Imperators II(Talk) 14:43, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. From other sources I've read, Daimlo is the correct singular term. OtterSurf (talk) 14:59, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • Please familiarize yourself with {{CSWECite}} and implement it, both in referencing and in Sources. I think the misspelling should be noted in the BTS and in Sources. Also make sure Daimlos exists as a redirect to Daimlo. Imperators II(Talk) 15:10, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • I'm sorry, but I can't get the cite thing to work and I've never done a redirect. OtterSurf (talk) 16:30, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • Here's how you do it. And this is how you create a redirect (take a look at the wikicode behind that page).Imperators II(Talk) 16:42, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
            • It's okay, I took care of it. Although someone did edit the redirect while I worked on it; was that you? OtterSurf (talk) 16:44, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
              • Yep, it was you. Thanks. OtterSurf (talk) 16:46, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • In connection to the previous objection, I think that a "History" section is warranted here, which would talk about how Zanales participated in the Daimlo contest and was actually elevated to hero status, which is mentioned both by CSWE and the SW.com article. Imperators II(Talk) 14:43, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • If that's the case, wouldn't simply renaming the "Daimlos in the galaxy" section be sufficient? I mean, it's not like there's much info on actual Daimlo impact on the galaxy at large. OtterSurf (talk) 14:59, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • You know what, scratch that. I don't think it's necessary. I have integrated Zanales' hero status, however. OtterSurf (talk) 15:04, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • Right now, you're just mentioning Zanales' exploits on Daimla as a footnote to his Podracing career, but what I'm saying is that it's significant enough to the species on Daimla to warrant a separate History section for that. Our Layout Guide supports this: "History deals with the major events in the history of the species. This includes such events as wars, discovery by the galactic community, and other important epochs." I'd say being considered a hero is rather important. Imperators II(Talk) 15:13, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • And no, just renaming "Daimlos in the galaxy" would not be "sufficient" since that section talks about Zanales being a popular racer across the galaxy. Imperators II(Talk) 15:15, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
            • I'll give it a go, then. OtterSurf (talk) 15:31, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
              • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 15:54, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
                • Like I explained above, I believe everything having to do with Zanales podracing should go into the latter section. Imperators II(Talk) 16:48, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
                  • Yup, done. I bridged the sections a little but they're more or less separate. OtterSurf (talk) 17:12, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • I believe the skullplates merit a mention as a notable distinction in the infobox. Imperators II(Talk) 16:48, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Also please separate the features in the infobox via separate bullet items. Imperators II(Talk) 16:50, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Can we provide a number of digits for Daimlo hands? Imperators II(Talk) 16:48, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • The head has a rather prominent muzzle, which should be mentioned. Imperators II(Talk) 16:48, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Is it possible to determine what the greenish protrusions at the sides of his head are? Imperators II(Talk) 16:48, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Is it possible to determine the number of digits for Daimlo feet? Imperators II(Talk) 16:49, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done, done, done, done, don't know, done. OtterSurf (talk) 17:07, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Does one of the other sources describe the plates as "thick"? 'Cause the SW.com article doesn't. Imperators II(Talk) 17:18, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • I'll correct that. OtterSurf (talk) 17:22, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • Looking at this article for another species of a Podracer pilot makes me wonder, can you provide any quotes by Zanales? If I were you, I'd try and contact Clonehunter to see if he can assist with the quotes (and possibly audiofiles). Imperators II(Talk) 17:58, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Based on what I know of Huttese, I think one of Zanales' quotes is "Scorch Zanales, ready to race again!". But I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the info, I'll ask Clonehunters. OtterSurf (talk) 18:16, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
    • Found another one - "kako kreespa", which means "you're gonna fry"; that's the other phrase he utters when you select him in Racer Revenge. Can we add that? OtterSurf (talk) 18:39, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
      • Go for it. Make sure use the appropriate template if the quote's a translation from Huttese, as used here. Imperators II(Talk) 20:04, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
        • See what you can do about the other quote. Until you do, I've moved the current quote to serve as the opening quote for the article, per the Layout Guide. Imperators II(Talk) 21:53, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
          • I don't know about the quotes, if I may chime in, but the character's audio files can be found here. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 05:25, November 30, 2018 (UTC)
            • Excellent! I've downloaded them; they're in .wav format, though. OtterSurf (talk) 09:15, November 30, 2018 (UTC)
            • Had a quick look through and the two quotes I can actually decipher aren't there, unfortunately. OtterSurf (talk) 09:48, November 30, 2018 (UTC)
            • Clonehunter says he'll try and work on the audiofiles we need, so I'm quietly optimistic on that front. OtterSurf (talk) 09:29, December 3, 2018 (UTC)
            • Still haven't got anything back from Clonehunter. I don't blame him, he's probably busy, but we may have to leave this out for now. We can always add it at a later date, and go with what we have now. OtterSurf (talk) 16:54, December 11, 2018 (UTC)
            • Clonehunter just got back to me with the quote audio and he's added it into the article. He's also got some quotes of Dax Gazaway talkung about Zanales, so we could add those as well. OtterSurf (talk) 10:20, December 14, 2018 (UTC)
              • Let's see 'em. Imperators II(Talk) 10:43, December 14, 2018 (UTC)
                • I've let Clonehunter know we'd like them. Hopefully they'll be available soon. OtterSurf (talk) 13:13, December 14, 2018 (UTC)
                  • Added some Dax quotes and Zanales' other select screen quote. Without a complete book of Huttese (Or Daimli, if that's what he's speaking) it's tough to discern the majority of his in-game quotes. You're first translation of the new quote was close, but a bit off. He says his name, and then says Podrace. The closest I found for the middle word in Huttese is "Soong," which means either "It's" or "too." Anyways, feel free to delete or move the quotes around, it's your article. I hope this helps, and good article! --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 05:05, December 16, 2018 (UTC)
                    • Mate, you're a lifesaver. Cheers. OtterSurf (talk) 10:13, December 16, 2018 (UTC)
                    • Quotes are in. I think we're ready to go! OtterSurf (talk) 19:30, December 16, 2018 (UTC)
  • The intro should be expanded just a little bit. I'd mention the short, bulky body, and especially the horns and the skullplates. Imperators II(Talk) 20:56, November 29, 2018 (UTC)
  • It seems like the game's concept art for Zanales (see here) features a slightly different body shape for the Daimlo, as well as brown fur. This should be mentioned in the BTS. Imperators II(Talk) 18:29, December 6, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 09:17, December 7, 2018 (UTC)
      • Not bad, but I think it should be slightly more specific as to how was the body shape different. Imperators II(Talk) 10:43, December 7, 2018 (UTC)
Fred strikes back
  • The bit about Daimlo Engineering would fit better in the "in the galaxy" section.
  • I'd rather that concept art be used in the Bts, even if it means removing the image used in the "in the galaxy" section, especially since the "galaxy" one is just a cropped version of the infobox image. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 04:39, December 17, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 10:30, December 17, 2018 (UTC)
      • Let's crop all the black space out, just leaving the artwork. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 21:46, December 17, 2018 (UTC)
        • If I may chime in, I've found a slightly better version of the image, cropped the black space out, and uploaded it by replacing the old one. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 23:02, December 17, 2018 (UTC)
QGJ
  • You have two consecutive refs 3 in the Bts.
  • The name "Banshee-11" is only featured in ref 10, while being pipelinked in the article body. I'd like the body to spell out the name as well. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:02, December 19, 2018 (UTC)
    • You want it, you got it. OtterSurf (talk) 14:16, December 19, 2018 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • I would recommend just removing the body image. Since it's the same thing as the infobox image, it's not really adding much illustratively, and it doesn't fit well within any of those sections to boot.
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 20:30, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
      • You know what might be a good image, though? If you can get one of him in is Podracer or something. Ideally, that would be more horizontal and would fit better in that narrower History section. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:53, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
        • I'll look into it, but I can't promise anything. OtterSurf (talk) 21:02, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
          • If you aren't able to take screenshots of video games yourself, your best bet is looking at YouTube gameplay videos and taking screenshots from that. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:21, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
            • Having played Racer Revenge, I don't think it's going to be possible. Pilots are only seen from the back, and unless you want an image of Zanales' seat back and a bit of his horns, there's not much to be had there. OtterSurf (talk) 12:17, January 6, 2019 (UTC)
              • Well, it might not be much, but it might be something. We can only show what sources give us to work with, after all. Would you mind uploading this image so we can judge whether it's worth using or not? Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 23:38, February 2, 2019 (UTC)
                • I'll have a go. OtterSurf (talk) 12:23, February 3, 2019 (UTC)
                  • Done. The file probably needs renaming, though (I forgot to do so myself). OtterSurf (talk) 17:47, February 11, 2019 (UTC)
                    • Ok, is that the entire screenshot? You didn't crop it or anything? Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:43, February 12, 2019 (UTC)
                      • No, that's it. I made the source as high-definition as possible as well. OtterSurf (talk) 09:57, February 12, 2019 (UTC)
                        • Ok, now you need to go back and source this image. You uploaded it without following any of the image instructions, and you'll notice it is currently marked for deletion as a result. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 03:22, February 13, 2019 (UTC)
                          • I'll get to it when I can. If it gets deleted I'll just reupload it. OtterSurf (talk) 09:34, February 13, 2019 (UTC)
  • In "Biology and appearance," I think it would be good for you to drop in the term "humanoid" somewhere. You might even add this to the first sentence of the intro; i.e., "sentient humanoid species."
  • I think I'd prefer to see the "Society and culture" section make a brief note about the fact that at least one member of the species (Zanalos) wore clothing. It's a basically notable trait, considering not all sentient species actually wear clothes.
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 20:46, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
      • I would like to see you detail that sentence a little bit more. Firstly, that would be an appropriate place to namedrop Zanales for the first time (update the linking too). Secondly, briefly detail what he's wearing exactly, since it's fairly exotic looking. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:17, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • Does the source literally say this? Because it would be best not to extrapolate evolution if we we're not explicitly given this information: "Daimlos evolved to sentience..."
  • This reference note here is unnecessary, considering both of the surrounding ref notes also specify that "Scorch" is his nickname, correct me if I'm wrong: "...also known as "Scorch,"[6]"
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 20:34, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
      • You broke the reference note. Take a look. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:17, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
        • Whoops! Fixed. OtterSurf (talk) 10:30, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
          • Good, except now there's no reason for the [3] ref note on "Zanales" as the first word of that sentence. This whole portion can be sourced to ref [2]: "Zanales,[3] also known as "Scorch," was a Daimlo male who came to be regarded as a hero on his native..." Remember that Wookieepedia:Sourcing#Rules (item 6) states to reference articles as sparingly as possible, as superfluous reference notes make it more difficult to actually read the article. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:57, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
  • At the end of this sentence, I'd like to see you specify the time frame for this happening, such as "shortly before the Clone Wars" or whatever it may be: "The reputation that Zanales gained from this feat carried over as he began to Podrace professionally."
    • Done! OtterSurf (talk) 20:46, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
      • Ok, but you're going to need to properly reference "shortly before the Clone Wars" similar to how you sourced those two BBY dates. The reference attached to that sentence doesn't mention the Clone Wars, so it can't be used to source that statement. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:17, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
        • To be honest, we don't really know when Zanales began to Podrace, so maybe we should omit mention of the Clone Wars altogether. Maybe "sometime before 24 ABY" would work.OtterSurf (talk) 10:33, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
        • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 10:42, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
          • That's fine, though I ended up rewriting it and that reference note a little bit in order to work in the Galactic Republic mention from the intro, as status articles can't have any intro-exclusive information. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:21, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
  • Typically, we recommend against using phrasing like "was known to," since that's often not an attributable statement; i.e., who was it known to? Instead, just assert whatever you're writing about. Like here, just say "he put on a good show" or whatever: "being known for putting on a good show."
  • Would like to see this briefly note in a second sentence that Zanales used one of these during his racing career: "By 24 BBY, the company known as Daimlo Engineering produced the Banshee-11, a model of Podracer."
  • It would be appropriate to mention the authors of the strategy guide here, since they were evidently responsible for creating the species' name: "The Daimlo species first appeared in the 2002 LucasArts video game Star Wars: Racer Revenge and was named in the accompanying strategy guide." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:10, January 2, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 20:42, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
      • You'll need to also add links for those names and create the articles to kill the redlinks. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:17, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
        • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 11:00, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
          • This nomination won't be held up by this, but the articles you created need to be properly referenced. Please read and follow the instructions on the Verify template found on those articles (if they end up getting deleted, they will affect this article eventually as redlinks). Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:54, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
            • Yeah, I've found a good source but I'm struggling with Cite web. Could you help me out? OtterSurf (talk) 11:27, January 6, 2019 (UTC)
            • Nevermind, fixed. OtterSurf (talk) 12:07, January 6, 2019 (UTC)
  • Since this "Start Your Engines" article includes new information, it would be appropriate for you to create a Wookieepedia article for it in accordance with other such StarWars.com articles. Follow Music in the Star Wars Galaxy: The Modal Nodes vs. The Max Rebo Band as a model. We then have a variation of the SW template that will allow you to link to both our article and the SW.com article itself. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 21:30, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
    • Okay. I'll work on that at some point. OtterSurf (talk) 10:56, January 6, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done, but it needs beefing up. OtterSurf (talk) 11:49, January 6, 2019 (UTC)
    • I'll also need to look at the special template. OtterSurf (talk) 11:51, January 6, 2019 (UTC)

Comments

Garth Breise

  • Nominated by: OtterSurf (talk) 17:50, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 15:07, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
  2. Well done. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:32, January 10, 2019 (UTC)

Object

We've got Impcoming
  • Hey now, most of the unaddressed issues from this article's previous GA nomination are still present. Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
    • Yep, there's still work to do. OtterSurf (talk) 20:21, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
      • When nominating other such status articles, please keep in mind that you should resolve any such outstanding issues before nominating the article. Imperators II(Talk) 20:28, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
  • We need a category for ExGal members. I believe Danni Quee is also one, for example. Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
    • That category doesn't exist. Should I create it? OtterSurf (talk) 20:21, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
      • If there really are other known ExGal members other than Breise, then yes. Imperators II(Talk) 20:28, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
        • Done and done. And I mean done. OtterSurf (talk) 11:14, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
          • For future reference, please note that categories should be listed in alphabetical order. Imperators II(Talk) 01:54, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • You don't need to link stuff in quotes if you mention it in the article's body. Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
  • Date is infobox- and intro-exclusive... Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
  • ... and it needs to be referenced to a source other than the novel, such as The Essential Reader's Companion, with a manual ref note if necessary. Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
    • Looking for a source. Your idea sounds good. OtterSurf (talk) 20:21, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 12:32, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • Last sentence of BTS is unnecessary. Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
  • Actually, in the BTS I'd only keep the novel's name, release date, and author. Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
  • Please split up the first paragraph of Bio and chuck it under another subsection. Imperators II(Talk) 19:58, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
    • Could you clarify how much of the section that is and what info I should move? OtterSurf (talk) 20:21, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
      • Start by splitting up the very first paragraph of Bio into smaller paragraphs. Then put them into another subsection(s) as necessary so there's not just the single "Death" one. Imperators II(Talk) 20:28, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
  • Did Yomin Carr go by an alias while undercover? If so, I think we should try to mostly use that in the article instead. Imperators II(Talk) 20:28, December 31, 2018 (UTC)
    • Nope, the ExGal team knew him as Yomin Carr. OtterSurf (talk) 11:19, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • The Essential Reader's Companion mentions that "Carr destroys the station’s communications systems and proceeds to kill the ExGal scientists," which I believe constitutes an indirect mention of Breise, therefore necessitating the addition of the book to Sources with an {{Imo}} tag. Imperators II(Talk) 01:54, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • "dubious prestige" in intro is point-of-view, please revise. Imperators II(Talk) 01:54, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 09:49, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
      • "He was one of the first galactic citizens to encounter a Yuuzhan Vong advance agent, as well as one of the first to be killed by one" — I believe this whole sentence is factually inaccurate; this section of our own article on the Yuuzhan Vong is littered with examples that contradict this. (I can personally confirm that at least some of that info is true.) Imperators II(Talk) 15:37, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • First sentence of Bio needs context for ExGal-4 and Belkadan. Imperators II(Talk) 01:54, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • Saying Breise was a scientist is redundant to saying he was an astronomer. Imperators II(Talk) 01:55, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • The first paragraph of "Death" is overly long, see if you can split it into several smaller ones. Imperators II(Talk) 15:37, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
    • I've split the first part into the previous section. It ties in better there anyway. OtterSurf (talk) 19:43, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
Anil
  • Does Breise appear in the audiobook version of the novel? If so, audiofiles for the quotes can be added. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
    • No idea. OtterSurf (talk) 11:20, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
      • A friendly reminder that this one is still here. You can ask others for help if you can't find the audiobook yourself. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 12:11, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
        • I can confirm he does have lines, but I have no way of extracting anything. Do you know anyone I could ask? Doesn't seem fair to go bothering Clonehunter whenever we need audio files. OtterSurf (talk) 14:51, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • I think Yomin Carr is important enough to be mentioned by name in the intro. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • Duplicate references. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
    • Can't find those, sorry. OtterSurf (talk) 11:26, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
      • First two sections of the Biography and the Personality and traits have consecutive ref [2]s. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 23:09, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
      • If you're only using one reference for a paragraph, you only need one ref tag, at the end of the paragraph. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 23:42, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • Isn't there another quote available for the Biography section? TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
    • I'll rack my memory. Been a while since I read the novel. OtterSurf (talk) 11:21, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 10:36, January 2, 2019 (UTC)
      • Are there other quotes available for the other subsections of the Biography? It is OK if not, but you should check for quotes for every section when promoting an article for status. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 12:11, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
        • I don't own the novel anymore, which makes this harder, but luckily Google Books has been forthcoming. I've found the most relevant quote possible for every section. OtterSurf (talk) 15:36, January 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • I think the image in the Death section would be better at the right, so it wouldn't mess with the header for "Personality and traits." TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • Duplicate links for Yomin Carr. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • I think the article could use some more pipelinking, such as Galaxy/Legends for the second use of the word "galaxy" (aside from The galaxy/Legends), Listening post/Legends for the mentions of the exploratory base, Yuuzhan Vong War when mentioning the Vong thread, Imperial standard meter etc. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • The article body lacks context for Yuuzhan Vong. Something similar to the one in the intro should be enough. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 08:03, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • You need to identify ExGal as the Extragalactic Society at some point in the body. Everything in the intro also should appear in the body. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 23:42, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
  • Always call people by their last names unless they share their last name, like Leia Organa and Bail Organa. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 23:42, January 1, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done! I've used his full name in some areas. OtterSurf (talk) 10:40, January 2, 2019 (UTC)
  • During my search for audiofiles, I've read the sections of the novel that features Garth, and it occured to me that the characters shows much more personality that it is said in the article (occasional sarcastically talking etc.). I suggest you to re-read those sections and expand the Personality and traits section accordingly. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 01:56, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
  • As I said above, I've searched for audiobooks and actually found two. The first one (The New Jedi Order: Vector Prime audiobook (Random House Audio)) is actually an abridged version read by Anthony Heald of Random House Audio. It only contains one of the quotes (#2), so the rest of them are ripped from the unabridged The New Jedi Order: Vector Prime audiobook (Talking Book Publishers Inc.) read by Chuck Benson of Talking Book Publishers Inc. You now need to create pages for them to get rid of the redlinks. You can find info about the audiobooks from the following websites: 1 2 3 4 5 TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 01:56, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
    • Pages created. They might need a bit of beefing up, but they're okay for now. OtterSurf (talk) 10:21, January 4, 2019 (UTC)
QGJ
  • For the infobox death field, if you reword ref 1 to say that the book features "Garth Breise's death on Belkadan," you can use the same ref to source both the date and the place of death. That is the general practice nowadays to make that field less cumbersome with refs.
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 13:09, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
      • Remember that refs need to be fully linked and give full context, as if they were separate articles. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:32, January 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • Context missing for Belkadan in the intro.
  • Some context for Spacecaster too, please.
  • Instead of just pipelinking "cloaker," I'd prefer you to establish that Carr was disguised as a Human. A reader who is not familiar with NJO might be confused as to how Carr was not detected, especially if they look at his image.
  • P&T needs a paragraph break.
  • You can perhaps move his engineering skills into a "skills and abilities" section.
    • I don't think there's enough to fill a whole section. Plus it fits okay in the P+T. OtterSurf (talk) 13:05, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
  • One more image early on in the Bio would be nice. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:21, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done! I did originally go with Luke Skywalker on Belkadan, but I thought the image of ExGal-4 fit better. OtterSurf (talk) 13:17, January 5, 2019 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • For starters, I would like to see you reupload the "Two days" quote while editing out the narrative portion around the spoken lines. This is the standard we've adopted for other articles that have been using these audio files for quotes. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 23:55, February 2, 2019 (UTC)
    • As the uploader of those audio files, I have dealt with it. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 00:10, February 3, 2019 (UTC)
  • Just from the eye test, the intro looks a little short compared to the article body. Two intro sentences for three subsections (two of them rather large) just isn't enough. See if you can't double the size of the intro; two paragraphs of equal length would look good. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:21, February 3, 2019 (UTC)
    • I've given it some heft. OtterSurf (talk) 12:19, February 3, 2019 (UTC)
      • I still want to see more. All you did is add one sentence. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 06:09, February 4, 2019 (UTC)
        • Chunked it up a bit more. I think it sums up the article nicely. OtterSurf (talk) 18:49, February 5, 2019 (UTC)
  • Reviewing note: Try to tone down the use of semi-colons. They really just make for stilted, unnatural reading. Once in a while is fine, of course, but when you're sticking them in every paragraph, that's a bit much.
    • Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. OtterSurf (talk) 11:00, February 8, 2019 (UTC)
  • In the P/T, be careful about extrapolating single-instance events as if they're part of his regular personality. For example, if the only time we see him being "safety-conscious" is when he's climbing the tower, we don't necessarily know he was like that the rest of the time. Try to instead frame the P/T as he displayed these personality traits during the tower repair or whatever the case may be. Like, "While repairing the ExGal-4 communications tower, Breise was very safety-conscious..." etc. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 07:07, February 8, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 11:00, February 8, 2019 (UTC)
      • You've done a good job of this one. I just want to see you add a little bit somewhere about how he found his job monotonous. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:19, February 11, 2019 (UTC)
        • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 09:54, February 11, 2019 (UTC)
          • Ok, but that's not exactly what the Biography is saying. The Bio says he found the night shift to be monotonous, not astronomy itself. Which is it? Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:34, February 12, 2019 (UTC)
            • I'd say he found the whole job boring. I can't remember who thinks it but I know one of the team reflects on how excited they were to be doing this job only for it to fizzle out. I'll edit the article accordingly. OtterSurf (talk) 09:28, February 19, 2019 (UTC)
              • How can you add this to the article if you don't even know if the information is correct? You just said you can't remember who thought that, so how do you know it applies to this character? You're going to need to quote for me whatever passage from the book this is coming from so I can be assured it's accurate with respect to Garth Breise. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:24, February 20, 2019 (UTC)
  • The intro and the article body aren't totally syncing up on the details of Breise's colleagues' deaths. The intro says Carr murdered his colleagues, but the article body only says that Doole died as a result of Carr's bugs, which I don't know if I would even call murder. It's more like an indirect result of the introduction of the bugs, unless I'm missing something.
    • Done. OtterSurf (talk) 11:00, February 8, 2019 (UTC)
      • You didn't really resolve this objection. The point here is that there should never be information exclusive to the intro. Everything covered in the intro should also be covered in the article body. The Biography only says that one other person, Doole, died from Yomin Carr's actions, whereas the intro says many of the team members did. This is what needs to be rectified. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:32, February 9, 2019 (UTC)
        • Done. I know Cho Badeleg is missing but I thought I'd keep it limited to Belkadan. Bensin Tomri is an exception because he is stated to be a close friend of Garth. OtterSurf (talk) 21:58, February 9, 2019 (UTC)
          • Well, you're right that all of the expansion you've made to the end of that Bio paragraph to mention all of these other people is extraneous to this article subject. I don't mean to have you running around in circles with this objection, but I think the thing to do here is go back to how you originally had the end of the Biography worded and just remove the last sentence of the intro, which really isn't critical at all. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 22:40, February 9, 2019 (UTC)
  • For that matter, I don't like how the last Bio paragraph introduces "the beetle-borne bioweapon unleashed on Belkadan by Yomin Carr," as if we're supposed to know what this is already. This is never referenced previously in the article. We're only told that the beetles are to help with terraforming, which isn't synonymous with a bioweapon. I think you need to do a little clarification somewhere. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 07:13, February 8, 2019 (UTC)
  • Try to come up with a subsection title a little more compelling than just "Death." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 07:33, February 8, 2019 (UTC)
  • I'd like to see the P/T avoid beginning two consecutive sentences with "Despite his/Despite this." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:32, February 9, 2019 (UTC)
  • If I'm reading the final sentence of the intro correctly, would it be fair to modify it as "...and therefore sever its link to the outside"? Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:30, February 11, 2019 (UTC)
  • I don't know if my latest addition to the BTS can actually be sourced to that book or whether it needs to be referenced to ERC. Please check. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:19, February 11, 2019 (UTC)
    • The novel is listed as the first in the NJO there, so I'll add it in. OtterSurf (talk) 09:56, February 11, 2019 (UTC)
      • Tacking multiple reference notes onto the end of sentences is not ideal. We should instead be striving to place reference notes exactly on the sentence portions that they're attributing. Please note my change here. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:33, February 12, 2019 (UTC)

Comments

Sandspeeder

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Goddamn lego continuity. Good job working in an obscure field of Canon very few wish to touch.Fan26 (Talk) 00:15, January 7, 2019 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:21, January 12, 2019 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Squalls

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 15:15, January 8, 2019 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 13:11, January 15, 2019 (UTC)

Object

Anil
QGJ
  • Bio should be split into two subsections.
  • Can you add released dates for the sources mentioned in the Bts? QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:05, January 8, 2019 (UTC)
    • Done for both. Just included the years for the sources. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 04:06, January 9, 2019 (UTC)
      • Can you find a better spot for a section break? While it currently works story-wise to place it here, in terms of presentation it doesn't look nice to have one small section and one giant one. The main concern here is to try to make the sections somewhat even in length, so that they look presentable in the Oasis skin. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:40, January 10, 2019 (UTC)
        • I think I made the layout better now. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 15:21, January 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • This feels a bit run-on. Can you split this sentence? In 4 ABY, the Alliance planned to attack the Galactic Empire's second Death Star battlestation orbiting the Forest Moon of Endor, and Squalls served as a demolition expert in the strike team assembled to go to the moon and deactivate the Death Star's protective SLD-26 planetary shield generator.
  • Overall, the bio does not seem to focus on Squalls too much. It's always "the strike team," "the squad," etc. I realize that there's not that much info on this guy, but you can at least say "Squalls and the rest of the strike team." Bring up his name once in a while.
  • Not sure that the last sentence of the Bts is even needed. If the Fact File does not present any continuity issues and just mentions the character, there's no need to list it. It's just regurgitating the Sources list.
  • The character is listed in Category:Technicians, but I don't see Technician/Legends linked anywhere.
  • Aren't there any quotes that can be added to the article? For example, I think the lead quote here can be used for the first bio subsection, since it describes the goal of Squalls' team. It's at least somewhat relevant, for lack of anything better.
  • Also, one more image at the start of the bio would be nice. An image of the DS II or the deflector shield generator or something similar would suffice. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:44, January 12, 2019 (UTC)
    • All addressed. The category was just my oversight, and I added one more reference to Squalls by name in one of the paragraphs. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 02:44, January 13, 2019 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • For starters, the story "Night Attack" should not be considered an "indirect appearance" for this character, primarily because it's not an appearance. The story is being recounted in person between Bren Derlin and Voren Na'al, so if anything it's an "indirect mention." But since it's being downgraded from appearance to mention, I think it should just be removed from the Appearances list, because why list this story in the Appearances/Sources but not every other source that mentions the strike team? I still believe there is justification to recount some of its events in the Biography, but it just doesn't need to be listed in the Appearances. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:33, February 9, 2019 (UTC)
  • Since the Galaxy Guides are effectively in-universe literature created by Voren Na'al, they are fair game for quotes. You could add the line from GG5 mentioning Squalls as the article's main quote with the caption "From the writings of Rebel Alliance historian Voren Na'al" Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:17, February 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • I'd rather see the article body use images more applicable to the strike team to indirectly illustrate what Squalls was doing. For the first subsection, isn't there a quick shot where we see the strike team filing out of the shuttle and down the trail right around the time Han directs them to meet at the shield bunker? That could be one option for there. For the second subsection, there's File:Endorsoldiers.png, of course, or maybe even this? Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 02:38, February 10, 2019 (UTC)
    • Replaced both images with actual strike team pics. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 07:32, February 10, 2019 (UTC)
  • Now I'd like to see you do the same with the article body's quotes. I figure these are the best options for the two Bio subsections:
    • Madine: "We have stolen a small Imperial shuttle. Disguised as a cargo ship and using a secret Imperial code, a strike team will land on the moon and deactivate the shield generator." This one does a far superior job of summarizing the text of the first subsection with a more specific focus on the strike team than the Ackbar quote that's there now.
    • Solo: "Take the squad ahead. We'll rendezvous at the shield generator at 0300." Even though the first subsection is technically where this information is being summarized, it's no less germane to the second subsection's events. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 04:06, February 12, 2019 (UTC)
  • Good stuff so far. Now let's get into the meat of the article. The "Rebel Commandos" section of GG5 (I'm looking at the first edition, so you should compare it against the second edition and Movie Trilogy Sourcebook to see if there are any other details) explains that the men selected by Han Solo for the Endor strike team were all Hoth veterans and had been stationed with the fleet, etc., since that battle. This book says there were 11 men under Derlin's command assigned to this team, volunteers all. Evidently, other sources added more than 11 people to the team, but as long as nothing in any of these characters' backgrounds contradicts this information from GG5, I think we should be adding these details to all Endor strike team character articles, including Squalls. I think this means a sizable expansion for both the intro and first Bio subsection. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 03:58, February 13, 2019 (UTC)
    • And done. I had already checked the second edition and Movie Trilogy Sourcebook, and they are simply just repeating the information that's already there. Note that with sourcing the Battle of Hoth 3 ABY date, Squalls isn't mentioned in Leia's Fact File 44 entry, but because it is within the same source itself where Squalls is separately mentioned in the Endor entry, I just slapped on a citation to that source without feeling the need to explain that the Leia entry dates the Hoth battle in which Squalls fought to 3 ABY. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 16:31, February 13, 2019 (UTC)

Comments

  • Note that the Fact File which includes Squalls confirms 4 ABY Battle of Endor date. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 15:06, January 7, 2019 (UTC)


Ulicia

(0 ACs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Fan26 (Talk) 20:08, January 27, 2019 (UTC)
  2. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 11:59, January 29, 2019 (UTC)

Object

Fan
  • Would the commex corp. need to be listed in the infobox, considering that their headquarters are located on the world? Fan26 (Talk) 19:49, January 27, 2019 (UTC)
    • Question answered via IRC. Fan26 (Talk) 20:08, January 27, 2019 (UTC)
QGJ
  • Positioned near the planet Abo Dreth,[4] the hyperlane known as the Shaltin Tunnels linked Ulicia to the Atchorb system, while another hyperlane linked it to the Abo Dreth and Perin systems. What was positioned near Abo Dreth, Ulicia or the hyperlane? The sentence currently makes it sound like its the latter.
  • The Atlas gives the grid coordinates for systems, not planets. The Bts should be expanded to reflect that. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 12:30, January 28, 2019 (UTC)

Comments

Tarados Gon

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:20, February 16, 2019 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I'm honestly surprised that there are no promotional shots of this guy anywhere.

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 22:54, February 18, 2019 (UTC)

Object

Anil
  • Can the Jedi task force consisting of two-hundred Jedi really be sourced to the film?
    • Oops, sourced properly now. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:15, February 18, 2019 (UTC)
  • Wasn't Obi-Wan a Jedi Master at that point?
    • Nope, he's not granted the title of Master in the films till ROTS. Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:15, February 18, 2019 (UTC)
  • 2003 can be pipelinked in BTS.
    • I've linked it normally since I'm not sure why it would need a pipelink? Ayrehead02 (talk) 20:15, February 18, 2019 (UTC)
  • In the last paragraph of the Biography, there is an erroneous pipelink to Grandmaster.
  • This StarWars.com article states that Gon died during the battle. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 00:55, February 17, 2019 (UTC)
    • Nevermind, the article's sources section has all-Legends books. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 01:12, February 17, 2019 (UTC)

Comments