- Nominated by: NaruHina Talk 18:41, July 11, 2019 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: 8 years later, turns out there was more to say.
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- References are not allowed in the intro.
- The fact that Obi-Wan was aware of the battle should be mentioned somewhere.
- Refs 2 and 7 need to be fully linked.
- Early in the war, perhaps within the first year or 21 BBY, This is speculative wording and should be reworded.
- Ref 2: Relatively brief timespan relative to what? I would argue that three years of war is quite a lot of time. because of the war's relatively brief timespan
- Honestly, following on the two above objections, I would just change the timeline placement of this battle to "around 22 BBY"
- Can any timeframe be provided for when she left? A woman left her homeworld of Bellassa to join the Republic Military
- If the books state outright that she served in the Grand Army of the Republic, then this needs to be mentioned in the article accordingly.
- I disagree here. Given other sources treatment of the Grand Army as exclusively clone troopers, it was a mistake and the BTS note should be sufficient. I was obviously being conservative by linking out only to the Essential Guide to Warfare, but I could probably go out and find others. NaruHina Talk 17:30, July 12, 2019 (UTC)
- Related to the above objection. The explanation regarding the GAR in the Bts should cut down on speculation. Only the first two sentences are based on verifiable info, the rest is just speculation and should be cut. In The Desperate Mission, Trever Flume said that his mother fought in the Grand Army of the Republic. The Essential Guide to Warfare stated that only clone troopers served in the Grand Army. This did not mean that there were no non-clone forces fighting for the Republic, however. It's possible she was parts of different branches of the Republic Military, such as the Planetary Security Forces or the Judicials.
- I removed the glaring double-negative, but I want to push back here on similar grounds to the above mention of the Grand Army. It was a mistake. It is not speculative to say that the Republic had separate non-clone forces, and it is not speculative to provide the reader with examples of such forces while talking about this unusual distinction. I have removed the "It's possible she was..." because I agree that toed the line, but I think the general examples of non-clone forces should stay. NaruHina Talk 18:03, July 12, 2019 (UTC)
- When did this occur? Can this be dated to 19 BBY as well and based on what evidence? On Bellassa, an Imperial bombing killed Trever Flume's father and brother
- If the lead quote is the only mention of T'olan in the book, then there is not enough info to identify it as a planet. Are there other mentions that can be used as a basis for this identification? If not, then T'olan should be treated as a general nondescript location.
- These two sentences need to be combined/reworded. They are way too simplistic. The battle was bloody. Trever Flume's mother died there.
- Aftermath: Just calling Ferus Olin by name here would be better. he became deeply nervous when someone he cared about promised to return from danger without allowing him to come
- The passage where he describes his feelings is more general than Ferus. I meant "someone" in the general sense. Perhaps "anyone" would be better? For reference, this is the passage: Ferus's expression clearly said not this again. But Trever didn't care. He wasn't going to be left behind. He'd been left behind before. By his mother, by his father, by his brother. Each time, they'd said It's too dangerous. You'll be safe here. NaruHina Talk 17:47, July 12, 2019 (UTC)
- Bts: Everything should be sourced.
- Bts: Release dates are needed for all the books mentioned here.
- I don't see how the passage in "Ghosts of the Sith" can be interpreted as an indirect mention of this individual. If we know that she died early in the Clone Wars, there's no way that "Imperials" could have killed her, since the Empire did not exist at the time yet. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 11:56, July 12, 2019 (UTC)
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