- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Lunker[]
- Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:25, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: A Gungan....
(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)[]
Support[]
- -- 1358 (Talk) 18:49, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
- JangFett (Talk) 04:16, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
- --TK-299 (Click Here) 07:16, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
- Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:35, May 31, 2010 (UTC)
- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 00:41, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
Object[]
From the Xd of Xd1358[]
Before I read through it thoroughly: You don't mention Cad Bane in the bio, still you mention a Duros. This is somewhat confusing. -- 1358 (Talk) 12:50, May 11, 2010 (UTC)- Facepalm. Fixed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:56, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
Split up the first sentence of the intro.- Fixed.
Is Sidious worth a mention in the intro?- Context.
Then could you possibly merge the context sentence with the previous one? Something like "...from abduction by the Duros bounty hunter Cad Bane, who had been ordered to capture Force-sensitive children by the Sith Lord Darth Sidious." -- 1358 (Talk) 18:36, May 11, 2010 (UTC)- Jep. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:39, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Context.
"Typho reported to the Jedi that Page's family had been notified and introduced them to Lunker." So, did they introduce Page's family to Lunker?- Fixed.
"Lunker brought Tano to Jan-gwa city, where the two Jedi set a trap for Bane." Sounds like Lunker is one of the Jedi who organized the trap. Please reword.- Fixed.
"Skywalker and Tano were able to save Page from Bane's attempt to abduct her, capturing the bounty hunter." Right now it sounds like that Bane was captured because the Jedi managed to save the child, while it should clarify that he was captured with the trap.- Fixed.
- -- 1358 (Talk) 18:08, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:17, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
One more thing before voting: Ordered is not the same thing as tasked. To task is to give someone a mission while ordering is something one can't decline. Please decide whether Sidious tasked (IMO) or ordered Bane. Otherwise, good read about a obscure Gungan. :P -- 1358 (Talk) 18:41, May 11, 2010 (UTC)- Fixed and thanks. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:46, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
Kreivi Wolter[]
Where's the quote? Kreivi Wolter 19:24, May 11, 2010 (UTC)
- Facepalm. Asked JMAS. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:41, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Lee, you should be able to add a quote in the article yourself. JangFett (Talk) 18:47, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
- Added. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:50, May 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Lee, you should be able to add a quote in the article yourself. JangFett (Talk) 18:47, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
Fett made it here[]
"Around 22 BBY, when he was tasked with watching Jan-gwa city, Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, came to Naboo to protect Roo-Roo Page, a Force-sensitive Gungan child, from abduction by the Duros bounty hunter Cad Bane, who had been tasked by the Sith Lord Darth Sidious to kidnap Force-sensitive children. " Let's break this up, Lee. Too much is going on in this sentence. The first clause of this sentence can stay on its own. "He was tasked with watching Jan-gwa city." Also, context on that city. Also, Anakin and Ahsoka's arrival of the planet has nothing to do with Lunker's assignment of watching Jan-gwa city. I don't know why you decided to word this sentence as is. Break it up.- Fixed.
Do we know that they met in Theed and not elsewhere? The episode doesn't mention this; please fine a different source, or else please reword in both the intro and bio.- They met in the Theed Royal Hangar. So if I count one and one together I think they met in Theed.
- Lee, it's not mentioned in the episode. Please check the episode guide or any relevant source indicating that they met in Theed's hangar. Otherwise, please remove it, as it will be speculation.
- Sourced.
- Lee, it's not mentioned in the episode. Please check the episode guide or any relevant source indicating that they met in Theed's hangar. Otherwise, please remove it, as it will be speculation.
- They met in the Theed Royal Hangar. So if I count one and one together I think they met in Theed.
What happened to Skywalker? In the intro, after you say Skywalker told Tano to go with Lunker, the next sentence is very rough, as it takes place at a different time.- Fixed.
- Please check your grammar. "...and Skywalker ordered Tano to go with Lunker to Jan-gwa city while he would come after talking to Typho" Also, where would Skywalker, Tano, and Lunker go in Jan-gwa city? To Lunker's house? Stop Bane from kidnapping Page? McDonald's? As it stands right now, you just say they are going to Jan-gwa city for no apparent reason.
- I would say MCDonalds :) No, really fixed.
- heh. However, Lee, this still remains. I see no correction. Please see the last unstriken objection below as well.
- Should be better.
- heh. However, Lee, this still remains. I see no correction. Please see the last unstriken objection below as well.
- I would say MCDonalds :) No, really fixed.
- Please check your grammar. "...and Skywalker ordered Tano to go with Lunker to Jan-gwa city while he would come after talking to Typho" Also, where would Skywalker, Tano, and Lunker go in Jan-gwa city? To Lunker's house? Stop Bane from kidnapping Page? McDonald's? As it stands right now, you just say they are going to Jan-gwa city for no apparent reason.
- Fixed.
You say he was tasked with watching the city in the intro, but in the bio, you say he was watchmen. Which one is correct?- Fixed.
Please find a different way to say this: "Fortunately for Page, the Jedi Order came behind Bane's plan and dispatched" "Came behind" doesn't seem to work here.- Fixed.
Why did Typho introduce Lunker to the two Jedi?- Fixed.
- More to come. JangFett (Talk) 20:36, May 26, 2010 (UTC)
- Thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 07:45, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
"Bane had been tasked by the Sith Lord Palpatine to kidnap Force-sensitive children." How is this even relevant to Lunker?- Removed.
Why did Typho and Lunker meet Skywalker and Tano in that hangar in Naboo? In both the intro and bio, it's confusing, as you don't say why they met them.- Added.
- "Lunker and Captain Gregar Typho from the Royal Naboo Security Forces met with ther just arriving Skywalker and Tano in Naboo's capital of Theed, and Skywalker ordered Tano to go with Lunker to Jan-gwa city while he would come after talking to Typho." Lee, please read this sentence and see what's wrong with it. I was going to correct quite a few grammatical errors in this sentence, but I wanted you to see.
- Corrected. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:08, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
- "Lunker and Captain Gregar Typho from the Royal Naboo Security Forces met with ther just arriving Skywalker and Tano in Naboo's capital of Theed, and Skywalker ordered Tano to go with Lunker to Jan-gwa city while he would come after talking to Typho." Lee, please read this sentence and see what's wrong with it. I was going to correct quite a few grammatical errors in this sentence, but I wanted you to see.
- Added.
Please mention that Lunker was captain of security in the intro. It's important to mention it.- Added. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:33, May 28, 2010 (UTC)
Comments[]
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 00:41, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
- Please remember to properly format novel appearances/references: "Star Wars: The Clone Wars novelization," not "Star Wars: The Clone Wars (novel)." I've done this for you, but be sure to do it in the future. -- 1358 (Talk) 11:48, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:41, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
- I am not sure if I am correct or wrong on this "After a brief brawl between Bane and the Jedi, Skywalker and Tano were able to save Page from Bane's attempt to abduct her, as well as arrested Bane." That's the last sentence, and it just sounded weird to me with the "as well as arrested Bane." part at the end. I was wondering if it should be arrest instead of arrested. I am not the best at grammar, but this just sounded weird to me. If I am wrong just disregard this comment :D TK-299 (Click Here) 07:00, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
- Fixed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:53, May 30, 2010 (UTC)