but was changed when it was decided to air alongside "Rising Malevolence,". Reword. Can't figure out what exactly is wrong, it just doesn't sound right to me.SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 08:03, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
Should be clarified. --Eyrezer 17:04, 5 October 2008 (UTC)
I only spotted one, which I killed.
Link subjects that have articles with them, IE: Clone Wars.
I'm not sure what you mean by this.
I'll take care of them. Some things for which there are are articles are not linked, like species, moon, etc.—Tommy9281(Peace is a lie) 14:27, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
You speak of Ruusan. Is that a planet, moon, sector? Some context please. However, the Republic plan was intercepted by a Confederacy of Independent Systems listening post on Ruusan, and so in order to disrupt the plan, Count Dooku sent his apprentice Asajj Ventress to convince or coerce the Toydarian King to become a Separatist ally instead.
Added a bit of context.
Same sentence. You introduce Count Dooku very abruptly. Please deliver a note of context.
Same sentence. Ventress was really Dooku's apprentice? More along the lines of an acolyte I believe.
Changed to disciple. I was flicking through an Insider mag today and that was the term they used so should be ok.
And after all that, you may want to split that same sentence in two.—Tommy9281(Peace is a lie) 03:44, 6 October 2008 (UTC)
Please reword the "meet" redundancy: "as a neutral meeting place to meet an envoy from the Galactic Republic"
I'm confused what you're saying here. This is kind of reading that he allowed the Republic to make the treaty an outpost. Please clarify: "allowed the Republic to make that an outpost in his territory"
"Coral Moon" is capitalized in the intro but not in the opening quote. Can we pick one for consistency?Toprawa and Ralltiir 15:41, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
Should both be taken care of. --Eyrezer 16:20, 9 October 2008 (UTC)