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"In this universe, absurdity tends to a maximum. Especially when I'm around."
Lando Calrissian[src]
"Is it true that gun of yours only works when somebody's back is turned?"
Lando Calrissian, to Boba Fett[src]
Vuffi Raa: "How should I call you, sir?"
Lando: "Not too loudly, Vuffi Raa, and no later than nine-hundred in the morning."
Vuffi Raa and Lando Calrissian, discussing forms of address[src]
"Look, can't we talk over this business of you shooting me? I'm philosophically opposed to being killed."
Lando Calrissian, trying to persuade Dafi not to kill him[src]
Lando: "The full-speed-ahead-and-bash-them-in-the-teeth approach may work very well for a Wookiee and a Corellian, but it's not a technique that works for me. My plans involve secrecy... subtlety... subterfuge..."
Mone: "Lando, I've never heard words like that before. They have a grand sound! What do they mean...?"
Lando: "Well, they're... they're what they sound like... they're... you know..."
Lando Calrissian and Mone, discussing how to outsmart Imperial agents[src]
"Even Golden Boy understood what it meant, and he's incoherent in over six million forms of communication."
Lando Calrissian, picking on C-3PO[src]
"You look absolutely beautiful. You truly belong here with us among the clouds."
Lando Calrissian, to Princess Leia[src]
Dash: "You should have worn old clothes."
Lando: "Hey, Rendar, I don't have any old clothes."
Dash: "You do now."
Dash Rendar, teasing Lando Calrissian, after he slips and falls in the Coruscant sewer[src]
Han: "Let's go back to the Errant Venture."
Lando: "You're not asking my opinion?"
Han: "Lando, should we go back to the galaxy's largest mobile gambling and shopping enterprise?"
Lando: "What kind of stupid question is that?"
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian[src]
Spinnerfish: "Incoming craft, this is Spinnerfish, Galactic Alliance Second Fleet. Cut your sublight engines and identify yourself immediately."
Lando: "Hello! I'm Bescat Offdurmin, master of the private yacht Looooove Commander! What's a Spinnerfish?"
Lando Calrissian, attempting to run the blockade of Corellia[src]
"Yes, gentlebeings, I am Captain Lando Calrissian, in the flesh and hopeful of remaining that way."
Lando Calrissian[src]
"Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler. You got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled."
Lando Calrissian, to Han Solo[src]
Han Solo: "She's traveling with me, Lando, and I don't intend to gamble her away. So you might as well forget she exists."
Lando: "That won't be easy, my friend."
Han Solo, introducing Leia to Lando Calrissian[src]
Lando: "That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter!"
Vader: "Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly?"
Lando: "...No."
Vader: "Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here."
Lando Calrissian and Darth Vader[src]
"That's me: Lando Calrissian, miracles made to order."
Lando Calrissian[src]
"In those days, you wouldn't have caught me within a thousand light-years of Yavin once that Death Star showed up. You see, that was before I decided to give up a good job to become a savior of the galaxy. Now I eat Death Stars for breakfast."
Lando Calrissian, to historian Voren Na'al[src]
Han Solo: "Well, look at you. A general, huh?"
Lando: "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the Battle of Taanab."
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, before Battle of Endor[src]
Kyle: "You always did plan for the worst."
Lando: "Ever since that run-in with Vader..."
Kyle Katarn and Lando Calrissian, calling back to the Duel on Cloud City[src]
"Every so often I need to remind the universe that I'm a damned good pilot. With people like you and Han and his daughter around, everyone tends to forget."
Lando Calrissian, to Luke Skywalker[src]
"And if 'assault' consists of willfully striking a constable in the fist with my stomach, then I'd say you've got me, fair and square."
Lando Calrissian, fighting bogus charges[src]
"How can anyone be so wrong all the time?"
Lando Calrissian, on Harlech[src]
Lobot: "Sir! It will be necessary for you to decrease your rate of descent in order for me to catch up to you!"
Lando: "Like how?! I don't skid too well on clouds!"
Lobot: "No, but you can turn over and extend your limbs, thereby creating greater wind resistance."
Lando: "Oh."
Lobot, instructing Lando Calrissian on physics while falling on Bespin[src]
"Proprietor? Bill please. To the man bleeding at my feet."
Lando Calrissian, after bar brawl[src]
"You mean Treece turned my city... into a slave camp? King, you've just lost yourself an enemy. And gained the meanest, maddest friend you've ever had!"
Lando Calrissian, joining with King Ozz to raid Hugo Treece's Cloud City slave camp[src]
Han Solo: "Chewie, give me the gun. Don't move, Lando."
Lando: "No, wait, I thought you were blind!"
Han Solo: "It's all right. I can see a lot better."
Han Solo, trying to blast the Sarlacc holding Lando Calrissian[src]
Lando: "Are you all right?"
Leia: "Yes, but this slave outfit isn't exactly warm. And the chain pinches and the collar chafes."
Lando: "The old saying's right, Leia: Beauty can be a curse."
Leia: "So gallant. You'd flirt with your own executioner if she were a woman."
Lando: "Especially her. I might persuade her to botch the job."
Lando Calrissian and Leia Organa, prior to Luke Skywalker's arrival at Jabba's Palace[src]
Lando: "You two have got your birth certificates with you, don't you?"
Han: "Are you kidding? Mine's at my sky house back on Bespin."
Leia: "And my birth certificate was destroyed when the Empire blew up Alderaan."
Han Solo and Leia, encountering problems getting married[src]
Lando: "Let me guess. You took it upon yourself to link yourself to the Upper Bloovatavian Historical Reference Data Bank and download her entire life story into that rusty tin head of yours."
C-3PO: "I am not familiar with Upper Bloovatavia, Captain Calrissian. However, the material on Gaeriel Captison was readily available in the Diplomatic Archives of Coruscant University. I might add that there was no tin at all used in the construction of my head, and, furthermore, tin does not rust."
Lando: "Luke, would it really bother you that much if I put just a few blaster holes in him?"
Lando Calrissian and C-3PO[src]
Bassi: "I don't keep bargains with criminals!"
Lando: "Then why do you work for politicians?"
―Policewoman Bassi Vobah and Lando Calrissian[src]
Han Solo: "Hey Lando, you did it, right? You kept your word?"
Lando: "What?"
Han Solo: "Not a scratch, you said. You'd bring back the Falcon without a scratch on it."
Lando: "Well…nothing that's left on her is scratched. All the scratched parts got knocked off on the way."
Han Solo: "Knocked off?"
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, after the Battle of Endor[src]
Han: "I know you, Lando. Surely you have some Corellian whiskey around this dump."
Lando: "Only the best, Han, though the best isn't as good as it used to be."
Han: "What is?"
Lando: "Besides us? Not much."
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian[src]
"I think I'll continue hating your guts for a while, just as a matter of form."
Lando Calrissian, to Rokur Gepta[src]
Lando: "I have a talent for sensing when a beautiful woman is trying to take advantage of me…"
Jozzel Moffet: "I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed now. I should probably leave…"
Lando: "Don't you dare… I said I could tell. I didn't say I never let her…"
Jozzel Moffet flirts with Lando Calrissian[src]
Han Solo: "’Scuse me, I wanted to tell you that if you ever needed a double to trick the Imperials, I know this guy named Lando who looks exactly like you."
Lando: "What are you babbling about?"
Han Solo: "Well, this fellow Lando's not a general. He's a ladies' man and a card cheat with a terrible reputation."
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, before the Battle of Endor, after the former learned of Calrissian's promotion[src]
"Compared to the rest of the universe, we're the good guys."
Lando Calrissian[src]
"Hello, what have we here?"
Lando Calrissian, upon first meeting Princess Leia[src]
Han: "We were chased off Coruscant by bureaucracy. You were the lesser of two evils."
Lando: "I usually am."
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, on Kessel[src]
"That's the problem with our opposition – they keep thinking nobody could possibly be as stupid as we are. Fools 'em every time."
Lando Calrissian[src]
Ackbar: "All craft, prepare to retreat."
Lando: "We won't get another chance at this, Admiral."
Ackbar: "We have no choice, General Calrissian! Our cruisers can't repel firepower of that magnitude!"
Lando: "Han will have that shield down. We've got to give him more time!"
Admiral Gial Ackbar and General Lando Calrissian, after witnessing the Liberty's destruction by the Death Star II's superlaser at the Battle of Endor[src]
Lando: "Nice landing."
Han: "At least the sensor dish is still there."
Han Solo, reminding Lando Calrissian of the Battle of Endor[src]
Fenn Shysa: "Don't recall ever seeing a holo of Madine in an outfit like that."
Lando: "That's because Crix can't pull it off. He carries a bit much in the middle, know what I mean?"
Fenn Shysa: "And you're wonderin' why Mandalorian mercenaries don't seem to respect you."
Lando: "I like being underestimated."
Fenn Shysa: "I'm thinkin' it's mostly that you like your fancy clothes."
Lando: "If looking good ever becomes a crime, Fenn my friend, I'm ready to do life."
Fenn Shysa and Lando Calrissian, discussing an outfit that only Lando Calrissian could ever pull off[src]
"This deal is getting worse all the time."
Lando Calrissian, after Darth Vader gives Han Solo to Boba Fett[src]
"And I did it looking good."
Lando Calrissian, after escaping the destruction of the Record Time at the hands of a Yuuzhan Vong fleet[src]
"I'll need communications access to Talon Karrde, Danni's device, a starfighter squadron, maybe a Jedi or two, and a lot of brandy. I can't stress the brandy part enough."
Lando Calrissian, listing the resources needed to track down an information leak[src]
Shysa: "So what is it that can get a girl like her so spittin' mad and all?"
Lando: "It's not a what, it's a who. In her defense, he could make a Jedi Master throw a full-scale hissy-fit."
Shysa: "You must be talkin' about Solo."
Fenn Shysa and Lando Calrissian, on Leia Organa's relationship with Han Solo[src]
"Open up with everything we've got, blast anything that looks important. Blast anything that doesn't, too."
Lando Calrissian orders the crew of the Millennium Falcon to open fire on the interior of the Executor[src]
"Did somebody order a miracle?"
Lando Calrissian, arrives at the Battle of Mindor[src]
Han: "Lando, can you reach the end of the spear?"
Lando: "Not if you poke my eye out! You are still sore at me! Admit it!"
Han: "If I was, I'd be using the pointy end!"
Han Solo, trying to rescue Lando Calrissian during the Battle of the Great Pit of Carkoon[src]
Lando: "Han! What the hell are you doing?"
Han: "Lando? I'm standing in a cave, knucklehead. What the hell are you doing? Why are you even in this system?"
Lando: "Han, that was Hobbie you just clipped! He's going down—again! Cease fire and get the hell out of my battle!"
Han: "That was Hobbie I just what?"
Lando: "Han, if you don't stand down, we'll have to take you down!"
Han: "Oh, no—oh, no no no, you don't understand! That's not us in there—"
Lando: "Great! Rogue Leader—light 'er up!"
Han: "Don't do it! Wedge, don't! Don't you dare shoot down my ship!"
Lando: "Don't you mean my ship? Should have known it wasn't you—flies like a bantha in a tar pit—you fly more like a constipated nerf with a broken leg—"
Han: "Lando, I'm serious—put one scratch on the Falcon and I'll—"
Lando: "Never find it under all the dents."
Lando Calrissian and Han Solo, as Aeona Cantor interrupts Calrissian's operations during the Battle of Mindor after stealing the Millennium Falcon[src]
"Barkeep! My friend and I would each like a glass of whatever that fellow who's passed out has been drinking."
Lando Calrissian, ordering a drink in Barpotomous Drebble's tavern[src]
"I'm Calrissian, Lando Calrissian."
Lando Calrissian introduces himself à la James Bond[src]
"Oh, I have a really good feeling about this."
Lando Calrissian breaks with tradition[src]
Luke: "I have a few…associates accompanying me."
Lando: "Associates, eh? What kind of associates? Not swindlers and scoundrels keeping the noble Luke Skywalker company, surely."
Luke: "Er…They're, um,…well, they're Sith, actually."
Lando: "S-Sith?"
Luke: "Sith. Quite a few of them. It's…a long story."
Lando: "No kidding. I'll want that story in addition to my fee, Skywalker."
Luke Skywalker and Lando Calrissian, regarding Luke's alliance with the Lost Tribe of Sith in the Mission to the Maw[src]
Lando: "I feel like an idiot."
Leia: "But you look magnificent."
Lando: "Oh, I know that. Not even the wig could downgrade me to 'just startlingly handsome.'"
Lando Calrissian, secretly transporting Leia Organa Solo and Han Solo in a ridiculous disguise[src]
"It was one of those incredibly bright, beautiful days when you know something's just got to go wrong."
Lando Calrissian, recounting his first encounter with Darth Vader on Bespin[src]
Lando: "Efforts to transplant colonies of the energy spiders that produce the stuff haven't been very successful."
Han: "You're trying to get them to survive on other planets?"
Lando: "Yes, but they just stop feeding and die—"
Han: "Good!"
Lando Calrissian and Han Solo, on Calrissian's efforts to expand glitterstim production[src]
Lando: "Luke you've got to leave this to a man with some style, a man of subtlety, a man who knows his way around cities. You go blundering around with that direct approach you usually favor, and someone might remember that they've seen you here before. At least we know I won't be recognized."
Lando Calrissian, failing to be inconspicuous as Barpotomous Drebble recognizes him in a bar[src]
"Just trust me, Captain–I have a plan!" [thinking silently to himself] "C'mon, Lando, think of a plan!"
Lando Calrissian[src]
Mohs: "I say once more, you fake, you fraud, you, you…"
Lando: "If you do, I'll just say something insulting. In fact, I think I will, anyway: your mother sang off-key."
Mohs and Lando Calrissian[src]
"Everyone's quarters come equipped with hot and cold running lava?"
Lando Calrissian, arriving on the Rebel base on the volcanic world of Golrath[src]
Luke: "Did you really cheat him?"
Lando: "Luke, among men of business, cheat is a subjective, relative term. It's open to some very broad interpretations."
Luke: "Great."
Luke Skywalker and Lando Calrissian, concerning Barpotomous Drebble[src]
"Why do jerks like you always have to go into this thespian routine? If you're going to kill me, do it with the gun instead of boredom, there's a good fellow."
Lando Calrissian, to a disguised Rokur Gepta, upon the latter's insistence on revealing his evil plan[src]
"Drebble! With all the watering holes on all the worlds... why did I have to run into him here?"
Lando Calrissian, meeting Barpotomous Drebble[src]
Luke: "So you see, there never was any real danger. All flash—no crash. Everybody happy?"
Shira: "You want to hit him?"
Lando: "Ladies first."
Luke Skywalker apologizes to Shira Brie and Lando Calrissian for faking the bombing of Cloud City[src]
"And besides, in interstellar power politics, it's gestures and appearances that count, not actual results. I've long suspected that's why civilizations rise and fall. Especially fall."
Lando Calrissian[src]
"That's quite a fleet for bottling up one undefended dust cloud. What do they think this is, the Clone Wars?"
Lando Calrissian, spotting ships surrounding the ThonBoka nebula[src]
"You know, in order to win a war it isn't necessary to defeat your enemy, just make the fight so expensive he'll give up and go away."
Lando Calrissian[src]
"Take a deep breath. That's freedom in the air! Come on, the party's starting!"
Lando Calrissian, after the Battle of Endor[src]
C-3PO: "I don't like this place. Not one little bit. I'm sure we are all in the most terrible danger here."
Lando: "Yeah, whatever. Besides, what was the last place you did like?"
C-3PO: "A most interesting question. I can't recall one, offhand. I shall have to consult my onboard archives."
C-3PO and Lando Calrissian, landing on Centerpoint Station[src]
Bria: "I can hardly believe it…where did the time go?"
Lando: "Where time always goes. There's a giant black hole in the center of the galaxy, and it just sucks it right up."
Bria Tharen and Lando Calrissian[src]
Lando: "What have you done to my ship?"
Han: "Your ship?"
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian[src]
Lando: "I used to own this ship. I'll figure out a way around what Han has done to her. The man ought to be ashamed of himself."
Luke: "I'll mention that to him when we get him out of the carbonite."
Lando: "So will I. High, loud, and repeatedly."
Lando Calrissian and Luke Skywalker[src]
Lando: "Don't even say what you're thinking."
Luke: "Huh?"
Lando: "Don't say 'I've got a bad feeling about this'."
Lando Calrissian and Luke Skywalker, as the Executor approaches[src]
Mohs: "Behold! Look upon the very ancestors of Those whose name it is not wise to speak in this place!"
Lando: "You mean the Sharu?"
Mohs: "Yes, Captain." [sighs] "I mean the Sharu."
Lando Calrissian, refusing to abide by the ancient taboos of Mohs and the Toka while exploring a Sharu pyramid[src]
"Yeah, I'm responsible these days. It's the price you pay for being successful."
Lando Calrissian[src]
Lando: "No casualties?"
Wedge: "Nothing serious, General. Hobbie—Lieutenant Klivian—needs another left hand…"
Lando: "How many does that make, all told?"
Wedge: "I've lost count."
Lando Calrissian and Wedge Antilles[src]
Han: "Lando, I'm serious—you put one scratch on the Falcon and I'll—"
Lando: "Never find it under all the dents."
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian[src]
Lando: "I'm sorry, Threepio. I promise you, we'll get you put back to specs as soon as we get home."
C-3PO: "It is I who should apologize, Master Hambone. I am sure that my clamminess was the approximate corpse of my mishop."
Lando: "Don't try to talk, Threepio. Just keep running your diagnostics. Your parser will map the damaged regions and relocate those functions."
C-3PO: "Fairy wall, monster lambda."
Lando tries to comfort a damaged C-3PO[src]
Mohs: "Wouldst thou mind very much not making such vile, blasphemous, and mercenary utterances in the mortal presence of thy humble servant? It causeth unease."
Lando: "Oh it doth, doth it?"
Mohs and Lando Calrissian[src]
Lando: "One-One-A, is your company ready to go?"
1-1A: "Affirmative, General."
Lando: "I'm not a general. The reactivation was temporary."
1-1A: "A general is always a general, General."
Lando Calrissian and YVH 1-1A, during the Battle of Coruscant[src]

(The content of this page is current up to: September 30, 2013)