You Have a Lot to Learn About Pirates

"You have a lot to learn about pirates. Tak Rennod was known for killing. He didn't think twice about taking a life."

―Jod Na Nawood to the Skeleton Crew^[3]

"You Have a Lot to Learn About Pirates" is the fifth episode of Star Wars: Skeleton Crew. The episode was written by Myung Joh Wesner.^[1]

Official description[]

A seemingly pleasant world will test our heroes like no other.

Plot summary[]

Parents' choices[]

The episode opens on the planet At Attin where rows of analysts including a distracted Wendle work on their desks in a shared office space. Shortly later, Neel's mother Nooma exits the lift lobby and enters the office space. He meets her at a railing overlooking a window. Nooma asks Wendle to help her steal a Barrier access code. Wendle is initially reluctant since he doesn't have access clearance to the Barrier. Nooma however gives him a device, which he hides inside his tunic. Nooma tells Wendle that they need the access code. He glances discreetly before returning to his desk. Nooma walks in the opposite direction.

Returning to his desk, Wendle plugs the cable drive into his computer. While waiting for the cable to upload files, he glances nervously at a safety droid. Wendle manages to unplug and hide the computer before the droid approaches his desk. The safety droid says that an unusual energy surge was detected at his table and requests that he exit so he can access the terminal. Wendle attempts to hide the cable behind his back but the droid is suspicious. When Wendle raises his arms one at a time, the droid asks him to raise both arms together.

Later, the safety droid hands the confiscated cable drive to Fara, informing her that a coordinator was caught with the device. He asks if he should initiate security protocols. In response, Fara orders the safety droid to delete all records of the incident and to power himself down. The droid complies and lowers his head. After closing the interior curtains, Fara speaks with Wendle, chastising him for not waiting as instructed.

Wendle explains that the cable drive is a way for them to get a message out to the children. Fara responds that she is handling the problem through the proper channels, which she says is the only way to get their children back. Wendle disagrees, saying that the Supervisor is not going to help them. After pausing to look out the window, Fara sighs and asks Wendle about his plan.

SM-33's second chance[]

Aboard the Onyx Cinder Wim, Neel, Fern and KB watch while Jod Na Nawood binds the incapacitated SM-33 to a table with ropes. Wim questions the decision to bring SM-33 with them. Fern counters that SM-33 is the only one who knows the way to At Attin while KB adds that she has rerouted the memory chip so that it will not overload his core processor. Neel is skeptical, reminding them that SM-33 had threatened to kill them. Jod reassures the children that it will be alright and the group argue who should turn on SM-33.

Fern questions Jod's motives, saying that he is only interested in the treasure. Jod counters that the children want to get home. When Fern says that Jod is scared, he counters that he can sense she is scared. Fern tells KB to turn on SM-33. KB hesitatingly approaches SM-33 and switches on the droid. The droid comes to life and asks what they want. When Fern asks if he remembers where At Attin is, Neel reminds them to make them promise he will not attack them again.

SM-33 promises he will not harm them, saying that they were the orders of his former Captain Tak Rennod. Jod is familiar with the name Rennod and realizes that they are aboard the Onyx Cinder. When the children respond with blank looks, Jod explains that Rennod is the most infamous pirate the galaxy has ever known. Rennod had plundered several star system for years before disappearing with his crew and ship while seeking the "Lost Treasure" of At Attin.

The secrets of Captain Rennod[]

Fern is not interested in Rennod and reiterates her question to SM-33. The droid tells them that he doesn't know the coordinates to At Attin but recalls that Captain Rennod scanned them in his lair deep beneath Skull Ridge Mountain. Fern tells him to take them there. SM-33 complies and snaps his ropes. The Onyx Cinder flies away from the space above At Achrann and jumps into hyperspace.

While traveling through hyperspace, SM-33 explains that Captain Rennod began to suspect signs of mutiny among his crew during the journey to At Attin. The first mate became greedy and challenged Captain Rennod. Rennod was also betrayed by his concubine, who stabbed him with his own dagger. However, the dying captain locked out the ship's controls and the mutineers died when the Onyx Cinder crashed in At Attin. Jod laughs. When Neel asks what is a concubine, Jod says that they have heard enough stories.

Neel is eager to hear more about Rennod's secret lair, prompting SM-33 to say that he missed his home, the place of his assembly. He explains that the lair lies inside a mountain where bubbling pits of mud hide the corpses of the captain's foes. As the Bilge rat Snowball pops out of his empty eye socket, SM-33 reminiscences about his pirating career.

Jod's pep talk[]

Wim leaves the bridge and Jod heads into the galley to search for him. He finds a crouching Wim crying while reading a story pad. When Jod asks what is wrong, Wim says nothing. Jod turns to leave but Wim says that all he ever wanted was a real adventure. Jod reassures Wim that he is going to take Captain Rennod's lair but Wim responds that the adventure was scarier and more confusing than he anticipated. Wim admits that he misses his dad and mom. Jod reassures Wim that he will see them again. Jod turns to leave but Wim says "not his mom." This prompts Jod to sit down with him.

Jod counsels Wim to forget his fears, anxieties and parents, describing them as attachments, which he regards as the last thing that Wim needs. Jod says that Wim has to learn to forget his attachments like he did. When Wim says he is unable to do that, Jod remarks that Wim has a powerful imagination and praises the boy for being able to see grand adventures in a "rotten galaxy." He counsels Wim that his focus determines his reality. While appearing to use the Force to levitate the storypad, Jod tells Wim that he has vision and to make his life what he wants it to be. When Wim questions how he is able to use the Force even though he is not a Jedi, Jod winks at him before leaving.

Onward to Lanupa[]

The Onyx Cinder exits hyperspace and flies towards a blue planet with wispy clouds and oceans. Descending into the atmosphere, the freighter flies over snow-capped mountains. SM-33 describes Captain Rennod's lair as something that few dare to approach. When KB and Fern notice pleasure yachts, they think that SM-33 took them to the wrong planet. SM-33 disagrees, saying that he recognizes every twisted peak and says that Skull Ridge Mountain lies ahead. The Onyx Cinder is flanked by two starfighters, who welcome the ship and its crew and passengers to Lanupa, which they describe as a neutral planet "where all are welcome if they keep the peace." They warn that violators will be shot down.

When the children ask what is Lanupa, Jod chuckles and gives SM-33 a "high five" for bringing them to Lanupa. SM-33 says that Lanupa goes by several names including the "Demon's Rest" and "Battle World." When one of the starfighter pilots ask if they have a reservation, Jod is about to respond but the children begin interjecting. The pilot informs them that children are not permitted at Skull Ridge Mountain Hotel & Spa since it is an adult entertainment destination. Jod suggests that the younglings wait aboard the ship while he and SM-33 venture into the lair and find the At Attin coordinates. Fern fears that Jod will run off without them and insist on accompanying him.

Jod tries to convince the children to stay aboard the ship but SM-33 insists that he goes where the children go. Jod sighs and tells them to empty their pockets because he needs every Old Republic credit that they have. The fighters circle the Onyx Cinder as it descends towards a landing pad on a mountain-top complex overlooking several hot spa pools. Several staff led by a female hotel director in a brown uniform and matching cap wait for the Onyx Cinder. She tells two helmeted staff members to contact waste disposal to deal with a potential situation.

Guests of Sky Ridge Mountain Hotel & Spa[]

She and her guards step forward to greet Jod, who exits the landing pad. Jod introduces the children, who are disguised as the most "Wise Elders" from the Bratric system. Following a delay, the four children lower down the cargo riding claw covered from in rags and cloaks. The woman welcomes the children to the "famous" spas of Sky Ridge Mountain. Jod pretends to be their translator. SM-33 follows the group. The pirate is dismayed to see that Skull Ridge Mountain has been "ruined" by being transformed into an upmarket tourist resort.

Later the children stand wearing flower laces around their necks. Wim is worried that the pirate lair is gone but Fern believes that it is still there and that they have to find it. A security guard warns Jod that no weapons are allowed in the spa and confiscates his giant dagger. A security guard fits SM-33 with a restraining bolt due to the public fears of droids. SM-33 tries to throttle the guard but is electrocuted by his restraining bolt. While the guards are not looking, Jod seemingly uses the Force to retrieve his dagger while sipping his drink.

The director gives a tour of the resort's facilities including a gymnasium, restaurants, a legendary spa and mud baths fed by natural hot springs. Jod learns from the Director that there is a heavy security presence since the resort is hosting an economic summit attended by members of the InterGalactic Banking Clan. The director warns them that they are on the lookout for spies and impostors. When she asks for their reservation, Jod bribes her with one of Wim's Old Republic credits, which she slips under her sleeve. When the director queries about the "Wise Elders," he bribes her with another Credit. Jod poses as Professor Umiam Gorelox.

A disguised Fern reminds Jod about their mission. Jod then bribes the director to upgrade him to one of their finest suites with his own personal chef to avoid the children. Jod is approached by a white skin female bounty hunter named Pokkit, who addresses him as Dash Zentin. The children wander how many names he has. Jod recognizes Pokkit as someone whose bounty he stole and left to drown in a pit of leeches. Pokkit claims she has no hard feelings for Jod and adds that she is unfamiliar with the name Dash Zentin. She tells Jod that she works as a bounty hunter for a private client. Pokkit reassures Jod that she is just on Lanupa for rest and recreations but warns the children not to trust Jod, whom she describes as "Sleemo." When the suspicious hotel director queries about Jod's alleged reservation, he bribes her with more credits, telling her that they have no luggage and are in a hurry.

Mission preparations[]

As they enter a suite, Jod warns the children that Pokkit is a bounty hunter with a score to settle against him. The children are more interested in the beautiful view of the snow mountains outside. SM-33 says Captain Rennod would be mortified by the idea of his lair hosting a buffet. Jod closes the blinds with the mountains and tells the children that they need to move fast since he believes someone is after them. When Jod questions whether Captain Rennod's lair is still there, SM-33 reassures him that the pirate lair is deep in the heart of the mountain, adding that all who enter face ruin or slaughter. When Jod asks how to enter the lair, the droid replies that it is situated underneath the "Spa."

SM-33 explains that Captain Rennod marked the entry to his lair with a sigil, which he scrawls on the wooden table. The children are bored and begin a pillow fight. When an irritated Jod asks if they were listening to anything he said, Fern throws the question back at him. Jod claims that a crew of murderous pirates are coming after them. Fern asks about his relationship with Pokkit. When Neel asks why can't he apologize, Jod tells them about his plan to split them into two teams in order to search the Spa. KB is reluctant to go down into the Spa, prompting Fern to guess that she fears corrosion from the steam. KB denies it, claiming it is "gross." When Jod assigns her to the Sensory Gymnasium, Fern suggests that he go there and insist that she go to the Spa.

Jod reluctantly concedes and assigns SM-33, Fern and Wim to the Spa. Neel insists on going with Wim while Wim says he wants to try out the buffet but Jod furiously says they're not going to do that. When Wim insists that KB be on his team, Jod loses his temper and shouts that it doesn't matter what team they are on. He says that they have to reach the coordinates before they get killed by pirates. Jod instructs them to find the symbol, the coordinates to At Attin and to hope that Pokkit hasn't called a bounty on them. Meanwhile, Pokkit informs Captain Brutus that Jod is present on Lanupa. He promises to pay her if he is captured and dispatches two ships. Pokkit promises to keep it quiet.

Searching for the entrance[]

In the Spa, a Troglof spa attendant brings a tray of fruits to a Hutt bathing in a mud pool. However, the Hutt instead grabs him, prompting the Troglof to plead about not being swallowed again. SM-33 walks with Wim and Fern on the walkway. He explains that the mud pools were formerly used by Captain Rennod to dissolve bodies in acid. When questioned by Wim, SM-33 admits that the mud comes from the mountain. Fern suggests that they take the pipes down into the mountain in order to find Rennod's lair. Fern contacts Neel, whose team members KB and Jod are studying carvings on the walls near the mud pools.

When an alien guest asks a security guard to check on them, the guard questions Jod, addressing him as Professor Gorelox of Scipio. Jod and the two children flee. Meanwhile Fern and the others, disguised as hotel attendants carrying towels, venture down the pipes into the underground caves, which contain more spa pools. Amidst a plinth, she finds Captain Renodd's sigil carved into the rock below. An alien patron known as Cthallops calls out for towels, believing them to be hotel attendants. He then assumes they are assassins, prompting Wim to use his walkie talkie to contact Neel.

Meanwhile, Jod along with KB and Neel are cornered by several security guards. When KB reveals that she and Neel are not the "Wise Elders," the bearded cadet leader wants to arrest them. KB waves a wrench in the air before using it to tamper with a valve, causing one of the pipes to spit out a blast of mud that throws three guards off the gangplank and into a mud pool. Jod knocks a guard into the mud pool. Before they can leave, they are approached by SM-33 who tells them that Fern needs help in the grotto below.

Instead, they find Wim regaling Cthallops with a story about Fern leading a Troik army on At Achrann. When Cthallops asked what happened, Wim introduces the others to him and says that he will help them in return for entertaining him. The large alien doesn't trust Jod but agrees to help the children by using a large tentacle to blast a hole in the floor, revealing a tunnel into the abyss.

Into Captain Rennod's maze[]

Elsewhere, two of Captain Brutus' pirate vessels exit hyperspace. One of them descends into Lanupa's atmosphere where it is escorted by two starfighters. However, the second ship blasts the two starfighters before the pilots can complete their message. The two pirate ships land near a colossal fountain while the hotel director supervises a cleanup crew outside the Onyx Cinder. Back in the grotto, the tentacled Cthallops lowers the children and Jod into the tunnel beneath. He says he would like to hear the rest of Wim's story in the future. Neel thanks Cthallops.

Before they continue towards Captain Rennod's lair, SM-33 warns them that the pirate captain created a maze of tunnels lazed with booby traps. SM-33 leads the way and warns them to watch the floor. Neel trips over a skull and discovers a skeleton. KB believes that the person was decapitated. Jod and SM-33 dodge a laser beam. The beam however misses the children's heads since they are shorter. When Neel lifts his foot off a pressure trigger, SM-33 warns them again to watch their steps.

When Jod warns them about the guards, Fern reminds him that he only gets his side of the deal if he gets them home. Jod volunteers to go in the middle. Meanwhile, the bearded security cadet approaches a layered, stony object. He looks above to see a skeleton impaled on sharp spikes. Through his comlink, he hears about a pirate attack on the surface. The cadet turns and reassures the pirates following him that it is safe. However, he is shot in the chest. An energy beam then levitates him onto the spikes where he is impaled. Several pirates including Gunter and the bounty hunter Pokkit approach, having used the guard as cannon fodder while advancing through the maze. They shout that they are coming after Captain Silvo.

SM-33, the children and Jod approach a pool full of acid. After Wim throws a rock into the pool of acid, KB traces the plume which leads to an engraving in the ceiling stating "All who enter paradise must make the greatest sacrifice." While the children believe that the answer to the riddle involves sacrificing a life, Jod says that pirates like Rennod did not value life. KB realizes that pirates value treasure more than life. As they search for credits, Jod apparently uses the Force to levitate a credit, which he drops into the pool of acid. After a moment of silence, the pool of acid empties into a drain, revealing skulls and skeletons at the bottom.

SM-33 leads the group down a flight of stairs into a low arch courtyard. Jod turns to encourage Wim about going on an adventure. The group flee behind a sealed door as Brutus' pirates catch up with them. The children, Jod and SM-33 find themselves inside a treasure trove including jewels, artifacts and a gold-plated throne. SM-33 believes the coordinates to At Attin are hidden in the Captain's Catalog. Wim reaches for a golden cup but Jod stops him, warning that the treasure trove is booby trapped. He tells the children to look for a data port, warning them that it is hidden.

KB takes an interest in a golden globe while Wim notices a lightsaber resting on a golden pedestal. As they hear banging on the door, Jod reminds them about their mission. Neel notices a platter of rotten food. However, he notices that the roast looks fresh from the cooker. Neel attempts to step on a stool but it triggers a trapdoor. Neel pulls him to safety and pulls the meat up like a lever. This triggers a hologram which SM-33 recognizes as the Captain's log. SM-33 then attaches his arm to the data log's scomp link, which displays a galactic map that zooms in on At Attin's system. The children cheer.

Jod's betrayal[]

Realizing that he has found the coordinates to At Attin, Jod orders SM-33 to refill the chamber with acid. The screams of the pirates including Gunter can be heard behind the door. Jod then asks SM-33 about whether the treasure on At Attin is real. SM-33 replies that the treasure is mentioned in the Captain's log. SM-33 then plays a faded hologram recording of Captain Rennod revealing that At Attin's treasure is the last Old Republic Mint. As Jod gazes at the throne, Wim asks what is mint. Fern explains that a mint is somewhere that produces money. Neel surmises that their homeworld is the planet of eternal treasure. Fern then reminds Jod of the deal they had made earlier.

Realizing that he has the coordinates and no longer needs the children, Jod invokes his right to challenge Fern to a duel for position of captain. SM-33 accepts Jod's terms, saying that he must follow the Pirate's Code. Jod tells Fern that she can choose to yield and he will not hurt her. Fern turns away and grabs a golden scepter, which she attempts to strike Jod with. The pirate takes control of the fight quickly and has Fern at knifepoint. When Jod reiterates his demand that she yield, Fern responds that he is a "grown up" and that it is unfair for him to fight kids.

While KB and Neel watch, Wim finds a lightsaber in the stashes of treasures and tries to ignite it despite Jod's warnings. Unfamiliar with the weapon, Wim ignites it upside down and the blade narrowly misses his leg. He drops it and the blue lightsaber falls to the ground before fizzing out. Wim retreats and crouches with KB and Neel behind the dinner table. Under pressure, Fern yields. The now Captain Jod frees SM-33 from the restraining bolt and tells the droid they need to find another way out. He then orders SM-33 to take the children prisoner. He charges the children with "mutinous intent" against their captain. Wim and Neel attempt to reason with SM-33 but the droid apologizes that he must follow his Captain's orders. Wim however grabs the footstool, releasing the trapdoor. All four children fall through the floor and out of sight. Jod sees the lightsaber on the floor and appears to pick it up with the Force before igniting it.